#because they're both /fascinating/
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so there are pros and cons to having spoilers (of various forms) when it comes to first-time playthrough of the danganronpa games.
i'm frequently spoiled on the killers/victims of cases (i think 3-2 is the only time where i went in completely blind, and i loved it, actually), and often i have more information than that but without context (and this last one is important).
what this means is that most of the time when i'm playing a class trial, i'm not looking for the mystery of who did it, i'm looking for the puzzle of how did they do it. and that can save me from the game making it blatantly obvious who did it why aren't we voting because i'm over here okay, but i want to figure out how they did the thing.
this probably helped me enjoy the trial in 3-3. (that said, due to triggering content, i will probably not play that case again.) i enjoyed the story beats of everything going on with himiko and just like. avoided all of the frustration of we all know it's kiyo why aren't we voting because like. i already knew it was kiyo going in, i'm here to see how he did the thing and also why, which was totally a let-down there, ngl. but i'm usually not here for the who. i'm here for how and why.
however.
i also run into spoilers without context like miu suddenly adopted monotaro and see it in discussions on miu's character where this is a huge deal so i'm waiting for something that ends up being, you know, two or three back and forth lines. and, yes, there's a wealth of space to headcanon and enjoy there, but getting to that point after reading about how important it is, it feels underwhelming because like. i go in expecting a bigger character moment from that. i go in expecting something like himiko drama (not that big, not that big, but you know what i mean). and then it isn't that.
which is probably why the dr2 ending was so underwhelming for me. i built up the hajime/izuru reveal so much that it was like. it was a throwaway line. technically not a throwaway because it was important, but it was a thing that got brought up and now we know and let's continue on. in my head, that was so much bigger.
even junko, when she had all of her chewing the scenery at the end of thh (and the end of the anime), was underwhelming for me. because i knew. because i saw how much people loved her. and i built her up in my head as something that wasn't what she was. and so i was underwhelmed and disappointed. (and then i read dr0. and then started pick-pick-picking.)
and like - this isn't a uniquely danganronpa experience either. i've mentioned before how my relationship to junko from a fan experience is extremely similar to my relationship to agatha harkness. both were built up in my head as a really big deal. both were underwhelming when i first encountered them because they didn't live up to what i expected based on what i'd hear about them. and then i started puzzling over intricacies (usually for fanfic - i did not care about agatha until i needed her for finding family and then started analyzing) and got sucked in.
but like.
this is a place where spoilers are failing me. because the hype probably would be right for the character if i didn't encounter the hype first. but i encounter the hype and get overhyped and then the real thing doesn't live up to it.
and i don't know how to better engage with that.
....
but it's possible i'm enjoying the puzzles of the murders more, so that's fun?
#musings#bandit#bandit liveblogs#bandit liveblogs danganronpa#junko isn't /my/ character#mikan is#agatha isn't /my/ character#/wanda is/#but junko and agatha are just both so ripe for analysis that my brain wants to throw them into situations#so many situations#because they're both /fascinating/#and they can spur so many meta and so much analysis and so much thought#/but/#if you've read a bunch of the meta and analysis and whatever#or even if you haven't but you know that they're fan favorites that have inspired all of that#/the real thing sometimes pales in comparison to what fandom does with them/#and i don't know what to do with that#often in those cases i can't fully appreciate what a thing is until i've gotten over my disappointments or underwhelms#the fnaf movie was really good for what it was doing#not great or fantastic#but actually pretty good#but i had to get through my disappointment over what i saw as the flaws it had#before i could enjoy that#because i had years of hyping that up you know?#so like#idk what to do with this#anyway#more case 4 thoughts later#i have a lot#one of them is gonta deserves better
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in his and davrin's banters, lucanis exhibits a certain little shit energy I don't think we see him have with anyone else other than illario and honestly I am living for this
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#davrin#also that's really interesting. with illario it's clearly not ever meant to wound but it serves a similar function of 'hey fuck off'#they have that friendly insult game going that veils some real resentments and conflicts that perhaps. should have been dealt with#considering that you could hardly find two people less alike in fundamental character than davrin and illario... fascinating#I suppose both of them push past lines of comfort and don't really let up at subtler signals to back off#(illario to needle and davrin mostly because he's that straightforward I think haha)#but the sheer viciousness with which lucanis responds makes me think there could mayhaps be some resentment with that dynamic#that he won't let out with illario himself b/c he has so few interpersonal relationships and wouldn't risk disrupting one#even when illario is getting up to some Shit even outside of the whole betrayal thing#and davrin is sooo uninterested in doing anything but call 'em as he sees 'em and it's glorious haha#it also means that I think lucanis is more honest in those banters than he is with anyone else I've seen#including the fact that he's mad and that the ossuary really did suck that bad actually#with bellara he's like 'don't worry about me I'm fine *thousand yard stare*' and with davrin he goes 'yeah I'm haunted forever by it.#does that satisfy your curiosity' lmao. and then they're just trading barely veiled death threats for a while#davrin is confrontational but he's also a safe person to be angry with b/c I think at the end of the day he is also fair#many thoughts. all the time. all veilguard up in my neurons 24/7
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Ok so it's like.
The motorcycle scene: Touga is obviously imitating Akio and failing miserably. Represents an attempt at achieving maturity and adulthood through adopting empty symbols of power. Gives the impression of movement and progress, but in reality is going in circles. It gets faster and faster, there's a sense of danger and agitation. Touga is driving and Saionji sits in the sidecar, they're not on the same level and Saionji disapproves. Seems like they're heading towards some destination, but they're going nowhere.
The bike scene: A reference to their shared memories. Represents clinging to the past and trying to return to the time of childhood. The wheels may be turning, but the bike stands in place. It get slower and slower as Touga gets more tired until he finally stops completely. There's a sense of nostalgia and emotional fatigue. Touga is the only one pedaling, but Saionji doesn't comment on it (meaning that perhaps Touga being in control wasn't the problem in the first place. Maybe it was always about wanting to restore their lost connection and equal footing). They're facing opposite directions, but at the same time leaning on each other.
#sorry for posting about toxic lettuce x toxic ketchup it will probably happen again#their relationship is fascinating to me. they are both pathetic loser boys convinced that Masculinity is the key to winning at life#but it only pushes them further and further away from graduating#and because this neverending persuit of being the Perfect Man caused them to distance themselves from everyone#they have no one to turn to except each other. but even that doesn't really work cause at this point neither of them knows the other anymore#and the only things that keep them together are the memories of boyhood.#a time when they didn't have to be this way yet. when a certain degree of vulnerability and kindness was still allowed#and they're trying to make sense of it all#rgu#revolutionary girl utena#touga kiryuu#saionji kyouichi#moje
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ok sure i'll talk about farleigh start. i'll talk about his tragedy of never being enough as it were and then having to deal with fucking oliver. sure. disclaimer: it's about class (and race) and the horrible reality of the rich. the horrible reality of living as farleigh.
another disclaimer: i'm white! and poc definitely pick up on everything i'm talking about here as it is, and better. i was and am specifically interested in farleigh vs. oliver but it's impossible to examine without considering race. definitely let me know if anything abt this sucks!
farleigh and oliver are similar. it's annoying because every intruder that is not himself is annoying, partly because felix's attention swaying from farleigh is dangerous; there is always a threat of being discarded, even if no precedent existed. the potential is terrifying.
but you'd think he's seen this before, every summer (if venetia is telling the truth) or at least often enough to learn to recognize it fast, so he should know this will pass. part of it is i think still the deep anxiety, and i think he hated every boy that was there before, and it is sort of routine.
but definitely a huge factor in farleigh's annoyance is the fact that he's a biracial (black for cattons, that's all they see) man in a white rich household. he's alert and exhausted all the time. of course he's angry at oliver, regardless of whether he's the first to crash at saltburn for the summer or the fifty-first.
but the important thing is this.
farleigh is very jealous of and angry and pissed at oliver because farleigh sees all the similarities between them. outsider, in financial trouble, whatever it is, in need of cattons; and yet oliver is preferred. and farleigh seems to be the only one to really consider it. felix does not pick up on the hint when farleigh brings up the birthday party vs. his mother. felix's clumsy "different or... anything like that" is as much about race as it is about class, of course. the "we've done all that we can" bit is felix absolving himself of guilt because surely they had, surely the mysterious collective cattons that he's not really part of had tried all they could do. to him, farleigh is different from oliver, because farleigh has been helped. felix is rich and white and twofold uncomfortable with farleigh, even if he's nice about it, even if he genuinely enjoys his company; he doesn't look too close at farleigh because he feels too guilty to come too close. and farleigh can't do anything about it. he can't nice himself into it. the fucking tragedy of him is that he's never enough in the world of the ultra-rich white, even if (especially because!) he's born into it.
farleigh is very pissed at oliver because farleigh also sees all the differences between them. you know who can be nice poor white enough to fit in? fucking oliver. felix says "just be yourself, they'll love you" when oliver first moves in. farleigh was also probably told the same thing, and felix also probably believed that farleigh could just be himself, but even if the cattons were magically not racist at all (impossible), it wouldn't make a difference to farleigh. he would still self-censor, keep in check, be in dangerous waters (because racism is not just about the individual, but about the system). we see that he'd won himself leeway by years of trial and error by the way he speaks to the family, but it's still within the boundaries of acceptable, built by the cattons. he's part of them because they allow it, and farleigh is very, very aware.
the annoying thing is oliver can be himself. like, truly, genuinely, he can just be. and farleigh can't help but envy that.
as a side note, oliver is obviously jealous of farleigh in the beginning as well, because regardless of the reality of farleigh's situation, he was born into it, and hence, at least in oliver's mind, has his position solidified. oliver's whole thing is unquenchable thirst and hunger for whatever and everything the cattons have (including themselves!). he wishes to have been a catton from birth. to oliver, at first, there's nothing farleigh can really do to lose it. and until he figures out the cattons completely, he can't help but envy that.
but i think farleigh senses something different about oliver early on. at least on the level of the text, we have "you're almost passing [for] a real, human boy", which is so important because farleigh is the first to point out oliver's weirdness. the next to do so is venetia in the bath scene calling him a freak, but it's too late. farleigh is too early.
and i like to think he clocks oliver too early because he sees the jagged edges that he recognizes in himself. i think that one other thing that farleigh envies is oliver's freedom to let go. freedom to let go is very similar to freedom to be, but not quite the same.
to be is about perception: farleigh knows he cannot fall out of line, but would like to, and oliver does not have to worry about it at all (i mean, he does, because oliver also performs for felix, but farleigh doesn't know that).
to let go is about the self: farleigh is too scared to even want what oliver eventually does, to even consider the possibility. oliver can let himself want. oliver can let himself act. oliver just can do things and want things. i'm not sure farleigh can.
and so in this scene, when oliver's wants and actions have landed him nowhere with farleigh, felix, venetia, the cattons, of course farleigh gloats. he can let himself do that, because if the cattons are slowly discarding him, farleigh can allow himself this one small victory. he's relieved because despite the dangerous similarities, oliver is, thankfully, not really the same as farleigh, right?
but like. this movie is a love letter to all things gothic. oliver is a white man. he prevails. the brief performance that oliver put on did eventually end up more effective than farleigh's lifetime of constraint. my heart fucking breaks for him to be honest.
the issue that remains is the fact of farleigh's survival. i like to think that oliver came to respect him. oliver is smart, but farleigh is clever. he picks up on everything oliver does (to refer back to the karaoke scene, farleigh immediately retaliates in the cleverest way, in the moment), and he's the only one to do so consistently (venetia, again, for example, comes close, but too late; oliver doesn't like that, there's nothing to work with). hence, stay with me for a little longer, the paradox: farleigh survives because he was never enough for the cattons, but he is very worthy of oliver's attention. in his own freaky way, oliver wants him. look at that.
so. farleigh. farleigh might come back. he always comes back. and i think oliver wants to try harder next time.
#saltburn#farleigh start#i think someone mentioned how the race commentary was fleeting in that scene abt his mom but i disagree#it runs thru the whole movie#because oliver is white and because they're pitted against each other#im not saying its the best commentary ever and also like the movie is not about it at all#but it's there and it's pretty prominent#also on a completely different note can we talk about how oliver correctly assumed everyone at saltburn desires him carnally#dude pulled all the bitches by being strange and off-putting. i mean i completely get it. completely get it. i'd fold so fast you've no ide#also while i was writing i realized that yes indeed both farleigh and oliver perform for felix and its so fascinating#and it works for oliver because of course it does because hes white#anyway! again! let me know if this sucks#in like any way at all#i needed a masterpost of all and every thought i have about farleigh#i think this pretty much covers it so i'll let it go now#HES SO. like do you UNDERSTAND#the DEFINITION of doomed by the narrative but i LOVE that he survives#as he SHOULD#emerald is so right. he does come back and quickstart just torture each other in that house forever. besties for life#god im gonna shut up now this is so horrendously long#mine#saltburn journaling
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"the fault, dear Brutus -" (Julius Caesar)
Quotes from A Critical History of English Literature by David Daiches. Panels from Death in the Family, Under the Red Hood, Lost Days, and Batman and Robin.
#OKAY SO i have been thinking about the hamlet post since i reblogged it the other day so i had to find panels to fit it#anyway i don't post about him much BUT#i do find jason fascinating both in terms of the Nonstop Emotional Intensity but also because on a narrative level#this is hard to articulate and possibly you need access to my dartboard of string in order to understand but#at some moments it's almost structurally as if you took the hero of a classic tragedy#and you put him in a story where he's the villain#it's like. what if hamlet but the story was told from the point of view of laertes#what if antigone but our pov character was ismene#you take the epic greek tragedy-esque stage and the tragic dramatic hero outraged at a terrible crime and the pile of bodies#and like. all of that is still true!! he really did get murdered!! it was really bad!! it's legit that he is mad about it!!#but then you frame it all from the perspective of the people going#'you just killed my dad and drove my sister to suicide you jackass'#and!!! they're not wrong either!!#and just ahhhh the way you can do that perspective-flip is just endlessly fascinating to me#web weaving#my comic art but we are using the term ''art'' loosely
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I personally like Thunder's prosthetic. Explained it to my friend (who does use a mobility device, a cane and wheelchair, and listens to me rant and infodump about BB) and they agreed, it's important to know that not every person needs what someone wants to give them. It's another example of "bad ableist person does a thing that hurts a disabled person because they are bad and ableist".
Clear Sky got Jagged Peak killed and would have killed Sunlit Frost! He would absolutely force his disabled son to be "normal" and present it like a privilege. "I wouldn't do this for anyone else, it's special, why don't you want to be helped?"
Thunder Storm should toss it in Clear Sky's face. (I would say toss it into the river but we do not pollute waterways in this house)
Thank you for telling me this, and tell your friend I'm thanking them too! If they have anything else to add please forward what they have to say
Since BB!DOTC tackles some of the heaviest topics in the entire series because its canon equivalent is so dark, I think very carefully about what I do here and how I show it. I take feedback on its sensitive aspects very seriously. If I'm understanding the criticism properly, it's that I should avoid stigmatizing prosthetics by making sure Thunder Storm's not the only one with it-- which he's not! And I'll add even more.
I don't want to avoid something only because it's uncomfortable if the topic is important, and my portrayal is respectful. Ableism IS uncomfortable! There are some situations where a prosthetic is not wanted! I think the rejection of this particular one is both a good opportunity to show a type of ableism and ALSO is very fitting for the characters.
In BB!Clear Sky's mind, the villain, he's fixing an old mistake. He can't admit that he got Jagged Peak killed or take REAL accountability for it (though he will, occasionally, apologize insincerely), but deep in his bones, he knows what he did was cruel. He'll never tell anyone this because he doesn't really cognate it himself, but Thunder Storm NEEDS to take his gift.
If Thunder doesn't take it, it blows a hole in his newest story. You see, throwing Jagged Peak out was All That Could Have Been Done back then. It was a Tragedy and he simply Made A Hard Choice. He regrets it very much, But You Have To Understand.
But now? Now? Well, behold. Look at what he's accomplished since the tragic death of his little brother. His cats are well-fed, cared for, and stable enough to make such incredible advancements. If only Jagged Peak had been able to hold on longer, if only he could be here now, I could fix him.
Just like I can (MAKE YOU JUST LIKE ME) fix you.
"Everything I've ever done is for Jagged Peak. For Fluttering Wing. For you." Thunder Sky is SPECIAL, but if he rejects any gift, tries to turn down the "privileges" offered to him, in an instant that becomes ungratefulness and arrogance. He both forces him to be special, and then leverages it against him if it's rejected. "Spoiled brat, doesn't appreciate what I've worked so hard to give him."
It all goes back to him and his own guilt. He can NEVER be wrong. He can't accept his family doesn't have to be "normal" or reflect his own ability. He won't see himself as a bully, let alone a murderer. It was never about his son's comfort or finding out what Thunder Storm wants or needs, it was about his own ego.
...All that said I'm still taking feedback if there's anything else I should keep in mind, or if anyone has a counter point, especially if you also have experience here.
(In the interest of having a link trail for posterity, here's the critique/call for feedback this is in response to)
#ALSO also I will take suggestions on other characters who should have prosthetics#Sunlit makes sense and it will make a really nice character moment later for him to have one built#There's also an amputee in RiverClan few people talk about called Stonestream#I can give him one and bump him up into a bigger character. In BB he is the sibling of Willowshine#BB!DOTC#better bones au#Also just as a side note... I love writing BB!Skystar. My ire for the character comes from his redemption arc so I feel like I get to--#--write the character I WANTED to see#Same with Bramble in other BB arcs#cw ableism#tw ableism#ableism#They're fascinating in that they always have to see themselves as the victim or the hero#They believe every lie they tell.#If you ever catch them in a contradiction they will still try to find some way to turn it on you and YOUR lack of understanding.#Interestingly both of them are ableist. Sky's is just more obvious because he's LOUDLY bigoted.#But BB!Bramble is *notably* less close to Jay for a very sad and very subtle reason.#Jay just doesn't serve his ego like the others do until much later in his life.#unfortunately most bigotry is like that.#the type you have a hard time calling out because it's a deniable bias. the constant gaslighting of being part of a marginalized group#Maybe I need to address the criticism by adding a character with a prosthetic to THIS arc even earlier#Problem is that like... Thunder's small merc group is already full of disabled characters and their THING is forming in response to ableism#OH maybe I'll put someone in the Forest Cat group which is lead by Slash?#I need to finish that last book and then gather up all the cats for sorting into allegiances
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Orym: I'm just a little guy, all I do is fight, I am now openly admitting that I made a deal with a fey [nightmare/grandmother] patron because I think the only way the rest of you survive is if I doom myself
Laudna: I'm already dead, she will always have a hold on me, I'm holding you [specifically imogen] back, the best thing I can do for you now is die/give in so you can live
#fascinating because they're both having SUCH different reactions#but fundamentally at their lowest they keep making the same choices#it's not good#(but it's juicy)#critical role#cr spoilers#c3e95#laudna#orym of the air ashari#both of you!#please stop throwing yourselves away!#Dorian had the right of it#the others may live or die#have already fallen and some gotten back up#you are neither so powerful nor so ineffectual that your loss determines all#gah#spoilers#pvp
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Locus and Lopez vs. dehumanization and seeing your own humanity through someone else
AKA 1.5k words worth of me trying to justify a random pairing I've been trying to sell people on for 5 years. Feat. a lot of my own introspection on both characters, CW for mentions of abuse.
It's kind of easy to assume that Locpez as a ship only exists because Locus is one of the few people who understands Lopez and one of even fewer who has had an actual (off-screen) conversation with him with full mutual fluency, especially since they interact directly, like, twice in canon (Objects In Space and the "Holy shit he's bilingual" scene from The Federal Army of Chorus). To be honest, that was my initial reason for shoving them together whenever I got into RVB and there was literally no content for them because no one was really considering them together in any capacity but a brief, funny passing interaction.
I do think language is an inherent motivator in their relationship with each other. It's a catalyst. Spanish, of course, is perhaps the most obvious thing they share--Locus being a Latino man and Lopez being the same in a convoluted and meta-racist metaphor. Beggars, choosers: anyone who knows how I operate knows I lean into reclaiming their depictions for my own brown person machinations. For Lopez it's the beauty of meeting someone who not only understands him, but isn't going to belittle him for the language he speaks or imply it'd be easier if he learned English. Locus will just listen to him talk and respond without commenting on the language barrier; Lopez isn't exotic or abnormal or "broken" for it, he just speaks Spanish, big deal, Locus speaks it too.
For Locus, it leans more toward reminding him of who he used to be when he was a simpler and kinder person. His culture seems like a forgone part of himself in many ways, but even if only because he's so distant from his humanity that he doesn't remember HOW to embrace his culture, or what the point of cultural pride even is. Lopez is like, reverse culture shock for him, where Locus is very familiar with Spanish as a language--grew up with it, learned it young, whatever, he canonically understands it and given he's Latino it's easy to assume it could be his native language--but has divorced himself from it so much to be malleable to his abusers that hearing someone speak it so unabashedly feels new. It's the lack of it that makes it so foreign, but it's so ingrained into him that it's easy for him to just slip back into it.
And Lopez being so stubbornly proud of what he is plays into that language dynamic, yes--now that there's someone who will listen and not judge, he has room to be adamant and own his monolingualism, and having someone as aggressively, straightforwardly prideful as Lopez forces Locus to recognize the beauty in the language too--but it applies on a grander scale, which is what I suppose the point of this post is: Locus and Lopez don't just share Spanish, but also histories of abuse and dehumanization, of being overlooked as living, thinking things in favor of taking advantage of their skills. And the results of this abuse manifest differently in both of them, but they're alike in just enough ways that their differences stimulate each other into bettering themselves and reflecting on what makes them, dramatic pause, human.
Some of Lopez and Locus's defining personality traits to me are their shared low empathy (forcibly learned on both of their parts) and the way they feel so alien in any group they're a part of. They're people with a lot of potential who don't care how others see them (at their worst, especially in Locus's case), but are limited by someone who only sees them for their usefulness (Sarge, Felix) and doesn't truly see them as a person. Lopez may be a Red, but they don't really care about anything he says, so he's just a wrench to them. Locus has Felix, but he doesn't recognize that Felix has one-sided power over him and is keeping him on a short leash; he's a shield and a weapon. They're tools, they don't have feelings, and if they realize as much it's a fault in their programming, they can and have to be steered back into place.
They're reflective of each other in this way. However, they're not identical in disposition: Locus resigns very easily to what he's told to be. He had more hope once, made attempts to be humanitarian, but was swiftly taught that kindness is suicide and that the point is to survive, no matter the cost. It was easy for Felix to take advantage of him by saying they needed each other when Locus was at his worst, because having kindness ripped out of him gave Locus little else to rely on but his hands. Locus has no room for questions, because a rulebook is absolute. It takes a reminder of what he used to be to make him falter, but even when Santa is showing him one of the inciting incidents of his "soldier" mindset, Locus can't stop himself from resigning to the mindlessness that Felix and the UNSC have already taught him.
Lopez feels trapped and is hyper-aware of it. He'll listen, but only because there's nothing else in the world for him. He's subservient but not in the same way Locus is, because he's angry about his situation: he knows it's not fair, but what can he fucking do about it? He was made to be Red Team's mechanic, and every word he says falls on deaf ears. He carries this self-awareness like a shield, like a threat: he could do something, but there's no point because his nature as a robot defines him. All he has is a sharp tongue and his hands, and the Reds only need one of those things from him. He revels in being able to complain and reminds himself that he's meant for something greater, but he's so fatalistic that he won't take action.
The balance comes from this anger. They're so alike in how they see the world and how much life has mistreated them, but they don't fully understand each other despite it. Locus sees Lopez as privileged for having a team because Locus has never had people to belong with, but he doesn't understand that Red Team isn't a safe place for Lopez. Lopez thinks Locus is misguided for letting himself believe he could ever be reduced to a mindless weapon, because Lopez has only ever been an object and Locus can't comprehend what that's really like. They see each other for their imperfections first and foremost and it frustrates them mutually: "You could've fixed this sooner, you could've escaped the grief, why didn't you try?"
It's this back-and-forth that they both need in order to reflect on themselves. They're harsh people who don't want to be coddled and admonished, but they're not making forward motion on their own because they're both stubborn and tend to decathect before they even recognize they CAN feel. They refuse to see themselves as human, but they can only see the humanity in each other, and they're both so alike that it could make them hypocrites. For a robot, Lopez's anger is so potent that it's alive: Locus sees more feeling in him than he's ever felt in his own life. Locus wants to be a weapon so bad, but he doesn't realize an object doesn't have heart the way he does, doesn't mourn the years it spent under someone's thumb, doesn't want to fix itself.
They're both brutally honest and they both need brutal honesty. They get along WELL by nature of being as similar as they are, but they argue so much because they want to understand each other and don't realize they already do. They're mapping details of their reflections. It's great: Locus is so hurt that he can only see the damage he causes, Lopez is difficult to hurt and notoriously good at fixing things. Lopez wants true accountability and retribution and Locus has cultivated complicity and guilt to perfection.
After Felix, Locus needs room to command his own life and put others in place when they overstep his boundaries, but he's scared of becoming Felix, so he also needs an anchor to keep him grounded in reality and reasonable. Lopez has never had real control over his own life before and would kill to have the power to make small choices and do as he wants, but he's a very private person who also needs a lot of space to work. They balance each other out and know the other's limits so well that they can easily go "You're hurting yourself and I'm not going to let you get away with it."
It's about understanding yourself through someone else and vice versa. Realizing that you share so much that if they deserve good, you do too. Reclaiming pain, experiencing freedom, finding support. They will deconstruct each other to the metal and muscles and rebuild one another over and over again, and they'll never get it perfectly right, but they're both going to learn more and more as they go. Flawless navigation of a road you've driven a million times, forward and back, potholes and all.
#locpez#rvb#Don't tag L*lix etc etc.#Hi. Thanks 4 responding to the interest check. This was going to be longer but they cut my mic. Locpez is brown bi4bi tism4tism bunk love.#Addendum because I can't shut up > Locus and Lopez both WANT to be seen as objects. This is a functional cog in the machine because they--#CAN'T see EACH OTHER as objects. It frustrates them. Lopez doesn't want his feelings acknowledged but Locus can't ignore the way that Lopez#feels so strongly. Locus wants to be reducible to function but Lopez only sees a damaged human who's shockingly sensitive. I think one of--#my strongest opinions about Locpez is that they aren't really a sweet or affectionate couple in the usual way. It's complicated but Lopez--#struggles to feel much of ANYTHING (just knows he likes Locus) and Locus is a little bit more of a romantic at his best but more strongly--#--prizes the mental stimulation than anything else. They're an intense couple that scares people off. I mean INTENSE intense. Emotionally--#physically (yep); metaphorically; they're pure mutual fascination. Poking each other like insects under microscopes. I need him because he-#--keeps my mind busy in every possible way. They do need therapy but not because of each other LOL.#logs
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Christian iconography? in my Merlin??
#it's more likely than you think#ok has anyone written meta about religion in merlin or#i don't mean based on historical facts#i mean literally based on merlin canon#because i'm fascinated#they didn't dwell too much on it (for understandable reasons)#but that scene where merlin talks to his mother and says “THE GODS will protect me”?#implying they're both polytheists#whereas arthur and gaius say things like “thank god”#i'm reading too much into things again probably#i just want to know if the writers gave it some thought even if it wasn't included in the show#i don't know shit about the introduction of christianity to britain but like#isn't it roughly around this time that it was gaining predominance over paganism (5th-ish century??)#so it's possible yeah? idk idk#i just wanna know if the writers thought about any of this#or if merlin mentioning “the gods” was just a random line#merlin#bbc merlin#ramblings#merlin meta#eta: pls read added meta in the reblogs! (not mine)
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I'm fascinated by Gwendolyn Bouchard for a multitude of reasons (love me a girlfailure) but what I'm the most curious about is why she's so hellbent on having Lena's position at the OIAR. It's been established that the Bouchards are a very well-off family (I can't remember if thats tmagp-specific lore or if that was mentioned in tma as well) so it's not like Gwen needs the job, especially a job that doesn't seem very glamorous. She seems incredibly dedicated to it though (her being so insistent with specific filing of cases in episode 1 I believe? is what piqued my interest) and is so insistent on climbing a corporate ladder that only seems to lead to Lena's position for no real reason. I get the OIAR is a part of the UK government and that could look good if she's trying to get higher-up positions, but the OIAR is certainly far from a respected or well-known organization (as far as I am aware) so I'm not really sure what her goal is here, and I really hope we find out
#not sure how I feel about the 'Gwen is marked by the Eye/becoming an archivist of sorts' theories that have arisen from the newest episode#mostly because I'm not sure how this universe's fear system works yet (or if they're all fears or fears at all)#but I do think her interest of being head of the OIAR could come from some encounter she had in the past#kind of like how both jon and tim joined the Magnus Institute because (or partially because) of a horrific incident that happened to them#in the past#that or Gwen really wants some position of authority and she thinks that being the head of a pretty small unknown section of#the government is her best shot at achieving that#without her family's influence getting in the way maybe?#(assuming they have influence but they're rich so the definitely do)#idk I just find it fascinating#gwendolyn bouchard#the magnus protocol#tmagp spoilers
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if i had the tools or the knowledge to make a Cult of the Lamb animatic, I would make one to "We Become We" from Journey to Bethlehem, but instead of being Narilamb it would be through the ages with Lamb and their follower spouses. The followers would be Joseph's voice, and the Lamb would be Mary's.
The song would go through at least four spouses, and each new spouse the wedding ceremony steadily grows grander as it signifies the passing of time, the expansion of the cult and the lamb's influence, as well as how many bishops have been defeated until by the fourth spouse, Narinder is already apart of the cult. As well as Lamb steadily growing more demure and reserved with each new spouse, until eventually the love is completely one-sided.
The first spouse would be before Leshy was even defeated, where the lamb is still getting the cult started and still trying to defeat the mini bosses. The ceremony is humble and they're both essentially wearing slightly nicer versions of their clothes. The only lights they have are the stars, the fireflies, and a fire. We would stay with this couple until the lines; "hopefully not ending in estrangement"
By the next line; "it's a step of faith" it would change to the next spouse. There's a bigger audience, the cult is bigger, their clothes nicer. The lamb has defeated two bishops by now, they look a little less in love. More demure. The ages has weighed down on them like water erodes a canyon.
We move to the next couple at "can mine become yours?" the lamb is actively trying to defeat Shamura now. The cult is near it's completion. The wedding ceremony grounds are ceramic and decorated, with lights stringing from pole to pole. The Lamb looks radiant and nearly outshine their spouse. The spouse looks less in love and more in complete overwhelming devotion, they don't even notice that the Lamb is not as engaged as them -- oh they look pleased, content. But not in love, but it's not like anyone by then knows what it looks like when the Lamb is in love.
We meet the last spouse by the very end when the dance and song ends. "I could never choose to love another." / "Maybe one day I could learn to love you, too". The Lamb is disengaged, just going through the motions. Demure and modest, the picture perfect radiance of a god among mortals. Their crown is a veil. They're looking into their spouse's eyes, but not really seeing.
Anyways that's what I would do if i had the tools to make an animatic.
#And then in the audience is Narinder watching. standing so that it looks like he's standing in between the lamb and their spouse#cult of the lamb#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#cotl#cult of the lamb au#<- i guess?? i think??#anyways fascinated by the potential that comes with the concept of the lamb marrying their followers and being asked for marriage#i like to think that their very first spouse was someone they genuinely did love romantically and that their favorite wedding was the#very first one. both because it was their first marriage and they were genuinely in love at the time but also because it was when they felt#their most mortal. it was their poorest wedding but it was. in their eyes. they're most beautiful. nothing but them. their spouse. and the#stars above them and the dirt below them. simple and humble and beautiful that way and they still have something that belonged to them#and also that through the ages the lamb themself becomes more godly-like almost. growing taller gaining less 'lamb-like' traits.
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Do I not ship tadmore romantically because it's straight? yeah probably. they will stay lesbian and bisexual besties with Tadius having feelings for a bit that he gets over and they're just good close friends until the end of time thank you good night <3
#cinderella's castle#starkid#team starkid#no hate if you ship tadmore#i get why#personally yeah it's probablyyyyy because it's straight?#but honestly just them being friends makes me feel happy#if they got together would i mind? no not at all#i want them both to be happy#to me that means friendship#to you that may mean romantic relationship#have fun#make ur fics#and i will make mine#gonna go write more about tadius and his toxic relationship with the prince bcs they're fascinating#tah tah tumblr#cc spoilers#cinderella's castle spoilers#loving this show sm
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my experience with maxing out the twins' friendship is just-
Hawke: So, Carver, my dear baby brother who I love and adore, I only need +10 more points to max out your friendship. I've done the grind; through gritted teeth I've kissed templar ass so that we don't raise suspicion. I've supported and defended you and let you take the lead whenever I could. You're my favorite warrior. I took you to the Deep Roads with me because you desperately wanted to go and then made you a warden and you found a place, a purpose. I've practically written my own guide on how to earn as much friendship with you because I love you and it's totally worth it so can I please please have the last +10...? Carver: Hawke: Carver please I'm begging you Carver: Carver: +5 Friendship Hawke: AAUUGGGHHLKSAJDLKAJSDLK-
Hawke: So, Bethany, my dear sis- Bethany: +50 Friendship Hawke: Bethany: :)
#dragon age#dragon age 2#da2#bethany hawke#carver hawke#i love them both they're my favorites#but oh my god the grind of maxing out carver's friendship because it's absolutely worth it and then playing another run with bethany#where i blinked and suddenly her friendship was maxed out was a wild experience sksksk#and it's interesting to think about how carver is 'difficult' when it comes to getting friendship whereas bethany already starts with +50#so it's easier to max her out just by being kind to her and doing her quests early#but after act 1 carver becomes so much softer when your friendship is high with him BUT bethany? i'm leaning more toward making her a warde#and i know she's going to be so resentful of me for it despite having maxed friendship like that's so fascinating??#how the twins start off on such opposite ends with different attitudes toward hawke?? and how after act 1 they switch??#well for the warden routes anyway... i refuse to let carver join the templars and i really REALLY don't want bethany to go to the circle#she won't be happier there no one can convince me she's happier as a circle mage... 'accepting your place' isn't the same as being happy#carver can find a place he's content with whereas bethany is screwed over either way since her magic isn't something she can just let go of#like yes both twins are bitter that they didn't survive the deep roads but carver's always worn his bitterness on his sleeve#whereas bethany felt she had to hide hers because she felt she had to be grateful for the sacrifices her family made for her#and now they are both trapped and free at the same time... carver just happens to thrive but bethany feels she traded one cage for another#ugh the hawke twins THE HAWKE TWINS Y'ALL#I just want them to be happy and loved and alive... why is that too much to ask for??
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does anyone else want to stick these two in the same room together or is that just me... i simply think they are adjacent in vibes... (+a bonus thing???)
get u a fictional guy that makes you feel like this... seeing these guys just evoke a Similar Kind of Brain Chemical and Response. Help Me.
also have bonus yosuke doodle featuring the same brushes used here...! from january 23rd, lol.
#fe3h#sylvain jose gautier#persona 4#yosuke hanamura#crossover#lizzy does art#umm... hi.... (looks away) this is cringe but i am free. what is life if not to draw your favorite characters together on the same canvas#for the record i do not intend to conflate these two as the same character because they are NOT#'lizz. what on EARTH do you see in these guys.' you know. i wish i could answer that. (actually. i can.)#experiencing both of these characters sent me into an absolute spiral of denial when i realized that i enjoyed them#Words Hard but Basically i think its fascinating how both sylvain and yosuke have like this happier front that they project outwards that-#masks the struggles that they don't want others to see... and while both of them do cringe shit thats incredibly stupid#both of these characters have shown themselves to have like?? actual braincells? (re: yosuke at the start of p4 + sylvain support convos)#granted the kinds of themes and messages each of them is meant to convey varies bc of the setting and stories they are in#the sylvain + yosuke pipeline.... oh also i think the fandoms tend to rationalize both of their behavior towards women as like.#a closeted bi case. it's kinda strange to me why they overlap in certain ways hm hm...#but its just so funny to me that like. idk. they're both unbearable. they irritating for a reason /s#i should really draw these two more often (in like separate illusts) they are so fun i love their color schemes and designs it sparks joy#ok ok god i had a lot more to say about that than i thought oops. um. yeah. i learned how to draw for stuff like this. worth itTM
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statistical probabilities
bashir: we have to surrender to the dominion because we cannot win this war
sisko: we will continue fighting for our freedom no matter how slim our chances are
inquisition
bashir [to sloan]: you cannot violate the federation's principles even if your goal is defending them
sisko [to julian]: given the opportunity you will join section 31 to spy on them
in the pale moon light
sisko: I need 85 litres of a very dangerous substance
bashir: but I can't give it to you not knowing what it's for
sisko: I order you to.
#ds9#🫀#it's a trilogy ❤️#a trilogy about principles and the temptation to break them#also about the fact that bashir and sisko should fuck yay#also I love how garak isn't mentioned even once in inquisition#but he's There because you cannot think about julian ans spy work without thinking about julian and garak#and how in itpml julian and garak don't interact#but they both interact with sisko and are connected through him#fascinating trio of characters#ALSO julian saying that the federation should surrender to the dominion // garak trying to genocide the founders#I'm not saying they're equivalent but there's definitely a parallel#they were both ready to do extreme things to save their peoples#things that would require great personal sacrifice#and a crossing of a moral boundary
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Sort of a ramble, sort of me just writing my thoughts out while I'm stuck with writer's block, but I keep thinking about how Fulcrum was in stasis for roughly 3 million years??
Like, that's a long time, even for Cybertronians. Not a really long time, not an entire lifespan. But still, it's a large chunk of a normal lifespan just gone. Poof.
One second you're crawling across the pockmarked terrain of an alien planet, surrounded by the sound of gunfire, and the shouting and screaming before and after each earth shuddering impact of another k-con hitting the ground. And then it's quiet. You're not there anymore. You're drifting somewhere between not alive and just asleep. Preserved somewhere in the background of a doomed body, ignored by time and space, still here, but also not.
And then there's sound. Not gunfire. Not shouting or screaming. Not the sounds that'll haunt you till your dying days, your own death sentence pounding in your head. No. Just voices, talking, standing out against a silent, dead world. Wondering. Joking. Bickering. Familiar. Just, not familiar to you. And you're awake. Pulled back from the nothingness you've been frozen in, consciousness tugged forwards with the yank of a fuel pump and the nearness of life.
These two moments are roughly 3 million years apart, but only minutes, maybe even seconds, to him. From a hectic harrowing battlefield, to an old silent graveyard in one blink.
How long did it take to really sink in? I mean, he seems to just roll with it. He doesn't seem particularly bothered. But like, what happened outside of what we see? How did he really feel?
Also, his body aged without him. While his mind preserved itself, freezing him as he was right then, his body was left to weather Clemency for all those years. No wonder it crumbled to dust when he jumped off the world sweeper. It's probably a miracle of some kind that it didn't just fall apart each time someone leaned on him.
And even after they rebuild him, give him a better, newer body. His spark, it's casing, all the irreplaceable core bits that make up their inner bodies, it aged in the time without him. Does he feel it? Does it make his body even more foreign to him?
Then he's also a technician with information that's 3 million years out of date. Lucky him that the scavengers probably weren't working with top of the line material. But still it's gotta be weird when faced with anything brand new, because a lot can change and progress in 3 million years, and now some of the knowledge he once prided himself in is obsolete.
Besides those things, his view of the galaxy, of the war, of their kind, of other kinds, is one of the few things actually pointed out when it comes to him being stuck in the past. So, how often were his old views challenged? Facts of life he held close proved to no longer true? There's 3 million years worth of new science, new beliefs, new words, new terms, new views.
And sure, some of it can be familiar, because they're an ever evolving kind, and they have patterns, core beliefs, repeating behaviors, but a lot of it's gonna be unfamiliar at the same time, because it's 3 million years worth of catch up, it's not like missing last week's trend.
In a way, it makes him a living relic of a bygone era for Decepticons. It would've been really interesting to have had that explored a little more.
#rq i wanna say i love seeing others thoughts on these if you have them. esp those that have thought about it longer than i lol#like. im still just starting to sink my teeth into the lore and put things together. so your thoughts are much appreciated#sometimes i wish that i could turn these rambles into those really well worded. slightly pretentious. but in a fun way. character metas?#but i dont think i can organize my thoughts that well. so. rambles it is lol#not to say rambling is lesser or smth tho. i love a good ramble. love to read them. i support ramblers#speaking of rambling-#idk why it fascinates me so. but theres just something rlly interesting about fulcrum being somewhat stuck in the past#i think it could've played interestingly into his and kroks dynamic had it been explored more?#like. the past and history play big parts in their lives. krok having studied it. and fulcrum having been fast forwarded thru it#it would've been interesting to see them talk more about it? since logically fulcrum wouldve gone to krok for more of the 3mill year rundow#and its like. krok is shown to be really knowledgeable on not only history. but cultures as well. theres and others.#so certain eras of their own culture would probably be a slight interest of his. esp decepticon ones.#and then theres fulcrum. who pretty much got plucked from the empire era only to land in kroks lap (metaphorically) ((...unless?))#so heres this walking talking piece of history. and a dude that has a sort of passion for history. why not explore it more?#and like. yeah. the ''history'' krok has studied is all mostly shit he lived through. but people study the times they lived through-#-because while they may have lived through it. theirs is only one perspective. a good historian takes into account multiple perspectives#idk where i'm going with this now. smth smth fulcrum relying on krok for future stuff and krok having someone to talk history stuff with#i just. augh. i wanna know what their dynamic is more. what we see in the comics is so back and forth at times#like. they seem to hit it off pretty well. but then fulcrum fucks it up ig by being oblivious and a little too ''i can fix him'' vibey#and his taste in comedy is bad. to say the least. which is apparently grounds for messy divorce#also krok is sometimes cool with selling a whole dude. at least when the dude is their befriended giant killer autobot buddy :/#that is also grounds for divorce. obviously#sorry. this is derailing the more i start thinking about how messy fulkrok could be. like. ough <3#they're a little ''i hate my wife'' coded. but in a greater scav codependent poly way. and it's more krok being annoyed with fulcrum#its like. fulcrum: ''i can fix him bcs i need to feel validated'' vs krok: ''wtf is wrong with this guy?! who does he think he is??''#i think they'd want to pick each other apart intellectually. maybe emotionally. smth smth two officers. both disgraced. and power dynamics#its fun. they're both hypocrites. they'd need couples therapy. its also 4am. shit. ok goodnight
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