#because they just try to fit too much into episodes tbh

[dunmeshistash]

My post about animal loving in Dungeon Meshi got a lot of traction (and I'm very happy so many people resonated with it) but I did leave out details that were too specific to the personal situation of the characters since I wanted to write something that was easy to understand by someone that had only seen up to that episode, since the episode about Senshi's past wasn't out yet, and because I wanted to focus on that subject as it related to that scene.

Ofc Senshi's relationship to Anne was more complex, he named her after the pony his party had to eat and he probably saw Anne the pony in the Anne the Kelpie, I think that would fit better in a Senshi analysis than an Anne the Kelpie analysis. There's also the fact that even tho Laios *knows* monsters are unpredictable and wild he thought he could control Kensuke which backfired during the dragon fight.

But those details I don't think added much to my line of thought, the way people justify why they think an animal is special varies a lot and can be rooted in past trauma, but the complexity of the relationship is one-sided. Not to say you can't have complex feelings about an animal, as long as at the end you understand them and their needs.

The Laios thing wasn't quite the same but it was also part of our relationship to animals tbh, I was analyzing it thru a lens of love and Laios does love Kensuke as an animal, but he also thought it was an animal he could control, which I also think it's human nature, he thought since he "understood" Kensuke he could control it, but he says so himself, he doesn't know how monsters think.

I think this one relates more to people that have so much experience with an animal that they forget wild animals are still unpredictable, a "perfectly trained" Lion is still capable of biting your head off even if it didn't the last 100 times.

I really enjoy how Laios reacts to it after he suffers the consequences tho

He never takes it personally when he suffers because of a monster, even towards the Red Dragon he never reacts in anger as if he needs to "take revenge" on the dragon and even tho Kensuke "betrayed" him he still feels sorry when he thinks he might have harmed him later on.

The thing he says about trying to find an use to living monsters reminds me of another Kui work. it's a great read and made me think a lot, chapter 8 from 'the dragon school is on top of the mountain' (Another option if you can't open mangadex)

This got longer than I intended and I'm not going anywhere with it, I just love animals and talking about loving them.

[tangents-within-tangents]

As much as I love sweet headcanons and found family fics about the Batch accepting Echo and supporting him through his adjustment and PTSD/trauma, gotta remember that what we were actually given in canon is this:

Hunter: Me and the boys will tag along anyway, if only to say I told you so. Crosshair: I would have left him for dead too. Besides, he's just another reg.

(his rescue was just a mission for them, wouldn't have done it otherwise)

Tech: To be blunt his mind belonged to the Separatists until we unplugged him. We don't really know where his loyalties lie. Rex: Yeah? Well I know. Hunter: Alright Echo what are you trying to pull? Tech: How do we know that's what you're really going to do? Hunter: Well I guess you actually are on our side.

(They openly doubt his loyalty even though they saw what he went through, and he already fought alongside them on Skako. Feels kinda victim-blamey to me, and it's odd that it goes straight from this to him joining them, like he had to prove himself worthy first? It's just the opposite of fanon which usually has the Batch be immediately sympathetic/protective and assume the regs would distrust him)

Tech: You are more machine than man, percentage wise at least. Echo, a triple amputee: *sigh* lucky me...

Palpatine: ...the attempt on my life has left me scarred and deformed Wrecker: You can say that again! Echo, a physically disabled person:

Echo, who was medically experimented on: *injured and having a panic attack in the medbay* The Batch: *off somewhere joking/betting about if he’s dead*

Tech: -from the Citadel rescue when you... how shall I put this? Wrecker: Blew up!! :D Crosshair: And turned into that Echo: *sigh* yes

Random stranger: *mistakes Echofor a droid* Hunter: *smiles and goes along with it for the credits* Echo, who was SOLD and dehumanized as a pow: *visibly uncomfortable* Hunter: Echo, go to your new owner.

Echo, who was treated like property by the Techno Union: *explains why slavery is wrong* And we are gonna stop it from happening to that kid. Tech: As well as earn a decent amount of credits once the job is complete. Echo: (bitterly) yeah, that too *leaves the room*

Tech: The client being a Separatist is not relevant. Echo, who was imprisoned and tortured by Separatists for over a year: It is to me! Hunter: Forget politics! We're here to do a job.

Tech: This squad existed before Echo was a part of it, and it will exist after.

For the record, yes people can and do joke about their trauma and disabilities

But look at Echo’s reactions/tone/body language in these scenes. It’s downcast sighs and discomfort, while the others are smiling, sneering, or dismissive. And because it's animated that means that every facial expression was intentionally designed.

What really clinches it for me is this moment:

Omega, a child who he just met, comforts him and helps him through his panic attack. But when the Batch, his squad who he's been living with for at least ~6 months, comes into the room he visibly closes himself off and hides his vulnerability :(

There are good moments too (though tbh i can't think of many)

I don't wanna discount that, but that doesn't discount this either. And it's just really weird when you think about it. Like half of these were in the first episode, which is the first time we are actually seeing how these characters interact together as a squad. And this is coming from the "defective" clones who supposedly know what it's like to not fit in? Who offered Echo a place with them specifically because they thought he wouldn't be accepted by others?

As with anything, there are ways we can read into or explain these moments (like honestly 'selling' your brother or betting that your brother died by lunch tray is very accurate sibling energy (And my personal headcanon (to reconcile it for myself bc the show didn't) is that Wrecker was worried about Echo so Crosshair jokingly exaggerated that he was dead and turned it into an argument/bet to distract him (which is also why I think he turns battles into a game/competition with Wrecker)) but Echo is very traumatized and there's a complete lack of consideration there). But that doesn't excuse it nor does it change the fact that this is what was presented to us in the writing. Characters aren't actually people (shocking I know lol), so any of their 'choices' are actually made by a real-life writer. And whether the implications of these moments were fully considered/intended or not, it still portrays the characters and their attitudes/relationships in a certain way.

[glitter-stained]

I'm writing a Jason Vs Dick fic for a secret santa exchange...

The prompt has the fic set during the Battle for the cowl arc - Jason is the villain. He's delusional (the dyeing his hair thing never really happened - he dyed his black hair red) and seriously messed up. It is a pretty dark fic.

Basically Jason knows on some level how badly messed up he is. He wants Dick to be his Robin, because he believes that it was Robin Dick who saved Bruce from darkness. He wants Dick (who is already juggling too much responsibility) to do the same for him... Be the light to his darkness...

Saw your posts about the BTFC arc in particular and mentally ill villains in general.

Any suggestions on how to handle the BtFC Jason?

...don’t ?

No, wait, listen. I know I said “write what you want as long as it’s self-aware”, it’s just you’ve chosen to write an absolute nightmare of a minefield to be self-aware about. I believe it’s possible to write Btfc fanfics that aren’t psychophobic, I just think it must be incredibly hard; Btfc is my second least favourite comic because all of it is soaked and drenched in psychophobia and I wish with all of my heart for dc to continue ignoring it and hopefully bury it under layers and layers of retcon until it’s less significant to Jason’s modern characterization than Waldo the clown (no hate on Waldo, he was much better than anything about Btfc though). So, I can give you advice for sure, I’m just concerned it will not be enough, because I wouldn’t trust myself to write a non-psychophobic Btfc fic, but you sure can try!

The core issue about Btfc (and any villainous characterization of Jason) is that, at the difference of other characters like the Joker, there’s a strange kind of coherence to it. For all we talk about Jason sometimes acting OOC, he’s reliably showing symptoms of BPD, like, to me, it’s pretty blatant. The difference between UTH and BiB or Btfc isn’t that he has BPD in one and not the other, it’s that BiB and Btfc are much more brutally psychophobic renditions of BPD than UTH (though UTH isn’t fully clean either). In other words, Btfc is a violent caricature of Borderline Personality Disorder. I’m not sure if this is on purpose, because on the one hand, it’s so consistent I feel like someone at dc told the writers “Jason has bpd” and they all ran with their caricatural representation of the disorder, or (because I don’t wanna underestimate dc’s ignorance regarding mental disorders) if they just read about him, thought “hey, he kinda fits into that subtype of stereotypical mental illness I have in mind” and projected their stereotypes about BPD about him without even knowing those are BPD stereotypes. The end result is the same: bpd on a spectrum from “almost well written” to “nastiest rep I’ve ever read”.

Now in Btfc (just as in UTH or BiB tbh) I’d say Jason is splitting, having an episode in which his BPD symptoms are flaring up completely. This can absolutely include brief psychotic episodes, and tbh the part you mentioned about dyeing his hair I can totally get behind. And because you’re writing Jason in the middle of a particularly intense episode, you can’t make the economy of considering the question of moral responsibility. If Jason is committing morally reprehensible actions as a consequence of the disordered patterns in the context of the episode, whether we’re talking about splitting or delusion or disordered thought patterns, you have to consider the question of responsibility, and on a spectrum. You also have to identify who is deciding those actions are morally reprehensible (is it Dick? The law? You, the author? The anticipated reader? All of them?) and whether you expect this judge is passed on the action, the person, or, who knows, even the disorder itself. And of course consider the implications of that fact. (For example, it’s completely possible for Dick, in the context he’s grown and developed in, and considering the insane stress he’s under, to be psychophobic as fuck; and obviously, writing a character doing something doesn’t mean that you support it, but if Jason is the villain and Dick is a hero and Dick is being psychophobic you should pay attention to whether the narrative is implying that Dick is right to be psychophobic about it.)

[heathertsuki]

TADC - Episode 4: Short thoughts about Jax, Zooble and Ragatha + some goofy shit (SPOILERS AHEAD, HOES!)

Apart from giving us a well-needed glimpse into Gangle's mind and past, we got to see how our scrimblos deal with the silent insanity of normality in a fast-food chain environment. Not as the clients, but the workers, of course. Firstly, we get to see a defeated Jax, conforming to the situation around him because it's all he can do, especially after being stuck glued to a screen. He was, for once, truly stripped of all control, and thus unable to get a kick out of the whole thing. Though perhaps not in a more humiliating way than when Ragatha tied him up. Not a whole deconstruction of his psyche just yet, but definitely a look into another side of his. It felt nearly personal, if you ask me... Was he also a fast food employee before, much like Zooble? Kinda fits tbh! And Zooble getting to be themselves again. God I've been yearning for more of her and we've REALLY been getting it lately. Zooble is shaping up to be the straightman (har har) of the gang, and possibly the most stable despite his internal, dysphoric struggles, and I'm VERY interested in seeing more of that dynamic, seeing as how so far, she's the most emotionally mature out of everyone, even more so than Pomni or Kinger who I'd argue are quite mature on their own. One dynamic I'd love to see is the one between Zooble and Ragatha, for reasons I'll get to right now. Ragatha seemed like she was about to be the joke character here at first and well, yeah, she delivers the laughs, but she also lets slip what she truly thinks when put into a vulnerable state of mind. That she wants to be loved, desperately so, but that she may not truly love everyone as we imagined. And before most get their pitchforks aimed at her, I just wanna say, most of us are like this. We can't and won't love everyone, but I reckon a lot of people are in fact, just trying to get by without much trouble and maybe even helping others along the way regardless of any petty issues we may have. That's Ragatha. But this isn't just a woman going through life, it's a woman trapped in a seemingly endless digital purgatory with a limited amount of people who may or may not dip into a state of unrecognizability due to an insane mental state. Is it really the best idea to keep things bottled up? I gotta see Zooble and Rags having a real ass, adult heart-to-heart.

Oh and the ships have truly sailed and sunk with this one huh. Gummigoo got re-used as an NPC and swiftly killed all hope of Pomni ever getting to truly be his friend ever. Or lover, too, if you like this couple. Some would say she was fawning over him but to me it seems more like she was just in pure awe that the being she came to care for so much and saw DIE, is suddenly back, very much so alive. All that for nothing, though, because he can't remember a thing. And Ragatha...? Ragatha's jealous. RAGATHA IS JEALOUS. Reminder that what happened to her was basically getting drunk. When drunk, most people lose their filter and speak a lot more loosely about what they think, so, perhaps Pomni's wishes of being by Gummigoo's side instead of Ragatha's when the doll looks out for her so much is more bothersome than we think. I get it though. I get you girl.

God save this one-sided doomed yuri...

[xxsabitoxx]

Toxic Things the Pillars Do.

Pillars x Unspecified Reader

Warnings: toxic behaviors/habits — angst-ish

A/N: don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of these characters being the perfect dream man/woman but lets be real… if they were real people they’d definitely have some bad habits… so this is what I think they are :)

Bold words = the toxic trait

Tomioka Giyu

He is so unbelievably withdrawn sometimes

You were able to break him out of his shell enough to want to be with him and make a life with him and such

But sometimes he falls into these periods where he wants nothing to do with anyone — including you.

Which, you understand his past traumas, you understand when people need space

But these periods of silence can go on for months

You try to be there for him but really there is only so much you can handle before you feel like you’re in a relationship with a damn ghost.

He thinks things can go right back to normal once these episodes pass

He thinks you’ll always be willing and waiting for him once he pulls himself out of these depressive episodes

And you were the first few times it happened, now you’re at your wits end

He can’t see why you’d be bothered by his withdrawn personality

I mean, you knew what you were getting into, right?

Kocho Shinobu

She can have a mean ass attitude

I’m talking mean as fuck, like she gets into moods where she’s just looking to start an argument

We know she’s an angry soul, she hides it behind a never ending smile

But when she’s alone with you, she can be herself

Which, in her mind, means she doesn’t need to put up an always happy facade with you

You respect that of course, you knew she was feisty before getting into your relationship with her

But there have been times where her attitude gets the better of her and she can be almost unbearable

She’ll insult you during a fight and not apologize after

She struggles to see when she’s in the wrong

It’ll take a lot of work to get her to apologize but honestly it sometimes doesn’t even feel genuine

She gets visibly upset if you give her an attitude in response to her behavior

Rengoku Kyojuro

He’s too positive

If you have a problem or are having a bad day, you’ll often go to him for help

The problem being, his advice can almost be a little too much… pushy even.

Sometimes you just want to collapse in his arms and hug him tightly to feel better

However, he’ll nonstop talk about ways to fix your problems and even try and get you off of him to do so

He struggles to read the room

When you’re upset, sometimes Kyojuro has an issue realizing it. (It’s giving tism…mood)

He’s also very practical and can struggle to differentiate between you wanting advice and simply wanting comfort

The thing his, overall his “toxic traits” aren’t all that bad

They just take some getting used to, and he’s more than willing to work on them

Main toxic trait: he really doesn’t have one

Uzui Tengen

He unintentionally plays favorites

Out of his spouses, he’s quite obvious about the one he’s feeling closer to that day (ouch)

He doesn’t realize it, he thinks he’s hiding it well because honestly he loves all four of you the same.

It’s just… sometimes he’s a little more clingy with one or two of you more so than other days

He’s blunt as fuck

He has no regards for what he says, if it hurts it hurts but it’s the god damn truth

This has actually created a few arguments among the five of you all together (Tengen, Makio, Suma, Hina and you)

There has actually been times where you’ve all slept in separate beds because of it

He is a perfectionist

If you do his makeup or hair wrong, he’ll get pissy about it

Maybe even make a comment about how one of the other wives do it better. Like I said, he’s blunt.

Kanroji Mitsuri

She’s extremely clingy Don’t come for me for saying that, I love clingy people tbh

She’ll throw a fit if you have to leave her on days she’s not feeling the best

She’s super emotional too so sometimes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around her

If you don’t give her the attention she deserves, she’ll give you the silent treatment

That being said… she’s stubborn

Similar to Giyu, she doesn’t think her stubbornness is a big deal and can’t understand why you’re peeved by it

Which results in an argument… which results in tears

Even if you didn’t do anything wrong, she expects you to apologize yes of course Queen, whatever you want fr I’m on my knees.

She unintentionally gaslights you

“What? Do you not love me? Why don’t you spend more time with me? I guess I’m not that important”

She’s a lot to handle but tbh you still love her. No fr I’m on my knees I’ll do whatever she wants

Iguro Obanai

He’ll compare you to others

In a weird way, he’ll project his own insecurities onto you

He’s super critical when it comes to random things, if you ask him a question and he feels the answer is obvious he’ll make you feel a bit stupid for not knowing

He gets super jealous

Some may see that as a plus it’s me, I’m some but it can honestly become overbearing

He is hesitant to let you go out with anyone that isn’t in him and often forced you to decline plans

You’ll get into arguments over this and he’ll blatantly pretend he has no idea what you’re talking about

He gaslights you purposely

Unlike Mitsuri, he knows what he’s doing and knows just how to fuck with you

He’s a bit of a drama queen because of it

I totally see him not letting you break up with him, low key Yandere-ish

Shinazugawa Sanemi

His mouth. His attitude.

This bitch is a smart ass, even if what he says backfires he knows he’s more than capable of handling himself

So when it comes to you? It’s always a losing battle

It’s almost as if he’s trying to get you to leave him, see how far he can push you before you give up

He won’t open up

If you manage to stick with him, you’ll realize he mellows out and isn’t as big of a hard ass as he was

That being said, it doesn’t prevent him from falling into periods of depression or anger

When you try to help him, he pushes you away. Similar to Giyu, but these episodes don’t last nearly as long

He’s possessive

Unlike Obanai, this man rarely gets jealous. He’s cocky enough to know you’ll never find anyone better than him… gaslighter lmfao but he right

He likes to leave various marks on you where people will see and he’s not shy to public affection. Even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Himejima Gyomei

He often prioritizes other things over you

You know his work comes first, you know a lot of people rely on him but… he’ll always put work before you

Even if it’s a birthday, special occasion, etc

He’ll make it up to you of course but there is only so many missed dates, missed birthdays, missed anniversaries that you can take before you start to feel inferior

He wants children but can’t understand why you don’t

Going off of what I said above, you know damn well you’ll essentially be a single parent even though you’re with him

When you bring it up, he doesn’t see the issue. He doesn’t think he’s that absent in your life

He’s pretty timid personality wise, but there have been times where you’ve pushed his buttons and he gets curt with you.

You can go a while without seeing him

I’m talking months. When it comes to work, it’ll always be his number one priority

I should mention, he fully expects you to wait for him and refrain from… any sexual activity. I’m not sorry for that lmao

[dotthings]

The Sam v Dean drama in Torn and Frayed -- Dean apologies for the fake text, Sam has yet to apologize for how he's behaved about Benny, and while I understand Sam and his insecurities and why he's being a controlling little brother with a 'tude...Dean is much more able to admit when he's wrong. And Sam has yet to give a solid reason why it's so impossible for him to give Benny any benefit of the doubt at all, while Dean is telling the whole truth about Benny and his innocence, as Sam just keeps brick walling Dean about it.

When Sam is being honest and communicating effectively is when he tells Dean exactly why the fake text from Amelia was so upsetting to him and it's because of the fear of losing people they love and something that Sam knows Dean has a fear of as well, so for Dean to do that to Sam, Sam felt that was too much. Which is fair. Note that this is the reason--the fear of losing loved ones, which is very real for both brothers.

Amelia insists Sam give up his other life entirely--without her knowing anything about it. And I think that's what doomed it. Note by contrast, Lisa offered Dean an inbetween, she dismissed the absolute, the either/or. They can make their own rules. Dean and Lisa did make that work for a time and had a better chance therefore than Sam and Amelia because there was no in between or compromise offered.

Sam on his part could also have told Amelia the truth about his life and given her a chance to respond and decide if she wanted to give it a try. But I think how Amelia spoke about Sam having to be all in or all out signaled to Sam that Amelia wouldn't have handled the truth well. I don't think he was guessing wrong on that, because Amelia seems like she wouldn't be able to handle bringing that into her life. Lisa seemed more willing to make adjustments and try to roll with it so long as there were some boundaries. Remember that the reason Lisa kicked Dean out wasn't because they couldn't make that balance work, it's because she didn't know Dean had been turned into a vampire and was protecting Ben from himself when Dean shoved Ben away. If Dean had told Lisa the truth, they would have had more of a chance. But Amelia...she doesn't seem in any way ready for all that. Even though she does love Sam.

So Sam and Amelia needed each other when they found each other but it isn't something that was sustainable.

With Benny, I cannot a single reason why Dean had to cut Benny off fully except there had to be drama for plot reasons. It's straining credulity a little, tbh. Benny fits in Dean's weird hunting life, he doesn't ask for much, he's not demanding Dean give up anything, he just wants a friend to talk to once in a while.

So I don't think Dean made the right call there and Sam was in fact pressuring Dean so hard about it and being so controlling and rigid about the Benny issue, so Dean felt like he had to give up Benny as a concession to Sam, while Sam dropped Amelia. It doesn't feel right. Sam going with Amelia would have fully upended their lives. Dean keeping Benny as a friend would not. It's not an even trade.

Torn and Frayed is the most depressing episode of S8. Cas in the wind back to Heaven, Benny cut off, Amelia ditched.

I don't think canon intends this to be the bestest thing ever. The last moments of the ep are depressing--even the music is conveying misery, and Sam and Dean look deflated and grim. I don't even feel like they chose each other for each other, they chose each other for the sake of the mission. Duty. Because of the high stakes of what they're up against and so they have to sacrifice everything for the team. And Dean gets pressured and boxed in to an absolute when it wasn't even necessary, to prove...what. That he loves Sam? He's loyal to Sam? How much more chunks of flesh does Dean have to rip off to prove that?

Nothing about this is saying they're happy, nothing about it says they don't care about Cas or Benny or Amelia. I'm not going at canon here, the canon intent is to explore these issues and is being self-critical and showing the costs. It's not that it's wrong for Sam and Dean to remain a team, but the canon is absolutely not showing this as their only happiness or that the only thing Sam and Dean care about is each other. It's sad because it's supposed to be sad. It's complicated.

[all-pacas]

ok i was trying to nap because i'm sick and i couldn't sleep and instead i was thinking about house medical doctor. and like. ok. chase is my special favorite, right? i want to punch him in his face, right?

-

I was thinking, though. It's easy to… smooth over and buff out characters to make them more appealing. To focus on traits and interpretations that you like. And to be clear I do think Chase has a lot of good qualities, both in terms of being a likeable character (he's clever! He doesn't take himself that seriously and isn't ego driven, unlike many others in the cast!) and being a fun character to watch (he's always pulling weird faces or being sarcastic!).

But he also has some real fucking character flaws, so let's talk about them. Because I want to. Because I don't like smoothing people out to fit a Narrative. I want to talk about his apathetic moral vacancy.

Like. Chase is apathetic. He truly and honestly doesn't give a shit about other people a lot of the time. He's not aggressive about it, he's not cruel — he tends to be fairly polite, although he's not great at hiding it ("the nurse's phone can take pictures!" "………cool"), he doesn't often talk shit. When he dislikes a patient, he at least tries to hide it (contrast with Foreman, who genuinely sucks at this). But that doesn't mean he cares. He is absolutely fine with lying to patients (Post Mortem), or with billing people for tests and not telling them (Safe). He doesn't care if that's shady. He's super ethically flexible, is the only one of the fellows to be openly pro euthanasia, has zero moral issue with treating Dibala. This clearly isn't because Chase believes so strongly that being a doctor should make you neutral to petty political beliefs, he just… doesn't care much. It doesn't bother him. I don't think he'd go out of his way to be harmful or cruel to someone, but he also isn't going out of his way to help them either.

While we do see him advocating for his patients and getting involved now and then (mostly with children), he never really has any moments where he takes a stand or fights for someone. Cameron, by contrast, does this constantly (The Itch, Acceptance, Fidelity…). Foreman also has several episodes (Fools For Love, Whac-A-Mole, a lot of his S3 development tbh) where he finds and bonds with and over-invests in a patient. The closest Chase ever comes to "getting way too involved in someone's life because he cares" is Moira in Chase, and she's preeeetty explicitly called out as him rebounding and acting out; he's doing the Wilson-Amber reinvent yourself after trauma thing, and it wears off pretty quickly. In Cameron and Foreman's cases too, it's more about their personal issues than the patient in question… but Chase's situation was really about him.

Speaking of being morally vacant! When Cameron might be infected with HIV (Hunting), he expresses some concern and House immediately mocks him for being fake. I don't actually know that it was (he certainly keeps up the thread of suggesting she should take some time off, he's not just being performative), but it's telling that the first reaction to Chase showing concern for anyone is "lol, who are you kidding?" Cameron accuses him later that of not being a good guy. She wants to get laid and live life on the edge, and the person that jumps to her mind when she wonders "who would be down for doing me on meth" is Chase. Nor is she wrong. Chase is an opportunist. Tritter calls him one, and Tritter is correct. He rats to Vogler to save his job, and is barely sorry for it; I'm not sure he ever apologizes. Everyone expects he'll immediately run to Tritter and a huge source of tension in Finding Judas is that Chase can't win: Foreman and Cameron already assume he has, that he's too spoiled and weak to not. Later in S3, when Cameron propositions him, he again goes "free sex?" and signs up, despite calling her out on what a demeaning offer she's making. He tends to pick the easier options. He stays a diagnostics fellow for years longer than anyone else, because it's a safe space. It's easy. He'd rather be a follower than take any risks. (I think there is no room for a reality where he refused his dad's money out of spite or pride. Why would he refuse a trust fund? It's easy. It's right there.)

We actually do see him lash out and stand up for himself here and there. He pushes back against Cameron a few times, actually (Act your Age, Saviors, Teamwork), and he's also pushed back against Foreman and House. But it's only for himself. I can't think of a time he went far out of his way to defend one of his coworkers, or his boss, or a patient. He did get mad enough to, uh, kill, when Dibala threatened Cameron. Which: fair enough? But he doesn't care much for things outside of his immediate influence. He has no problem shrugging off Cuddy in Living the Dream, or an armed gunman in Last Resort. He has no moral stances or political beliefs that we know of (besides, uh, fat people suck and the US immigration system is annoying). He very much does care about people, he's pretty clear that at least some of his apathy is a defense thing after a deeply fucked up childhood, but it's always despite himself. He prefers to do his job and go home. There's an old not-joke about how all surgeons have god complexes. Chase being a surgeon is kind of a retcon, and in a lot of ways he doesn't fit the stereotype — he's not particularly arrogant or superior, he's not even ambitious. He does get touchy about being called wrong, or accused of making mistakes, but I don't think he's any worse than the others on that front (or more prone to making mistakes). But that indifference? His sort of general aloofness? He cares about himself, and his little circle, and watches his own back, and that's it. He doesn't dislike other people, but he doesn't care much either way. Foreman accuses him of being fake. Everyone accuses him of being morally vacant, an opportunist who will do anything if it improves his own situation. And… yeah. Kinda.

[bromcommie]

case of attachment

seventy years of silence v1.2 alt

I would love to hear about BOTH of these, but if you'd rather pick one, go ahead!!! <3

Hiya, thanks for the ask! I'm nothing if not yappy, so you get both <3 1. case of attachment — this is one of the AO3 Tag Bingo ones I started a month ago but never ended up submitting, and now I'm kind of glad I didn't 'cause I want to work on it more. The prompt was Ghosts, which is nothing if not rife with potential considering who I'm writing about. Because I seem incapable of writing full-scale AUs, though, I didn't take it literally, but the fic's also not...completely devoid of supernatural elements, I guess? I'd call it bordering on magical realism, maybe. It follows a couple of episodes throughout Steve and Bucky's lives through the lens of spirits and the various mythologies surrounding them (as well as the individual and collective fears/hopes they're usually inspired by), because that's a 3 am rabbithole I tend to fall down frequently. There's also something fascinating to the idea that the fear of possession is a fear of loss of identity or personhood or control, but also that possession has historically been used as an explanation for aspects of an identity that are unacceptable being actualized or apparent (mental health issues, behavior not correlated to someone's place in society, sexual desire, etc.) I’m not summarizing this very well, but there’s a hell of a lot of fun to be had with the meaning of ghosts and spirits, is what I’m trying to say.

The name itself sort of comes from the word dybbuk, which from what I understand is just a noun derived from the Hebrew word for 'to cling', but was translated specifically as 'state of attachment' on Wikipedia, and I just found that to be a somewhat strange and clunky but really interesting phrase. Not to mention fitting. Every love story is a ghost story and all that, and every ghost story is about the inability to let go.

In any case I feel like I'm on a roll with this one, so I might even publish it soon!

2. seventy years of silence v1.2 alt — Okay, this is the first script the mockup posters series spawned, so pardon the incoming word vomit as it is my baby—and it kind of ties into the previous one in the sense that it's supposed to be not entirely linear nor lucid in segments (hm, it's almost like there is a pattern starting to emerge here...). Anyway: (more or less) solo Winter Soldier movie, here goes.

I just couldn't stop thinking about how there's a whole goddamned movie missing between Winter Soldier and Civil War in more ways than one, and also about just how great it would've been to see Bucky as the WS (but tbh also just as Bucky) explored more as both the vessel for American Cold War anxieties and the ghost—ha—of their horrific consequences, as well as a storytelling conduit for observing several periods of 20th century history, cosidering he's supposed to be a key player in much of it yet is essentially a complete outsider to the world as a whole and (superficially) to the human experience of it all. I just think it'd work well as a lead up to the politics-adjacent events of CW, too. So on a background level I guess that's what I'm trying to do here via flashbacks that piece together the long road so far, as well as what continuity there is to Bucky pre + post-fall.

On a primary level, it's more or less a classic post-CATWS fic in content, if not form: Bucky post-DC trying to stay out of shit but caught between unwillingly retracing his history when Plot Events keep happening, figuring out how to both get the government off his ass and make sure his captors don't get to him without it becoming an outright revenge spree, figuring out who this Steve character is and if he even wants him to find Bucky (although for the time being I'd say present day Steve features less heavily than usual and is not necessarily the explicit focus, which is not to say that he doesn't play a role and that it's still not gay as all hell), and just figuring out what the fuck is going on in general and how to survive. I also loosely borrow from a couple of the comics runs both with the Department X/Red Room stuff and in order to set up an intro to the Superhuman Registration Act/Sokovia Accords, because I fucking hate how CW handled all that. (Surprise, surprise.)

So basically there is...definitely too much going on there. I've put it on hold a little these days until I figure out what exactly I want to do with it and because it keeps breaking my brain, but I still work on it here and there, so there's still hope.

I've already written way too much, but here's a snippet for the hell of it since I was actually just editing this yesterday:

[pink-fangirl]

Omg your oc is so cute I wanna know more about her

I WILL GLADLY TALK ABOUT HER FOR HOURS

She is a complete VAT7K OC and I imagine her nowhere near the main tts conflict. She used to be from an entirely different story but the main aspect of her personality has always been DEER IN HEADLIGHTS

She’s super quiet at first and seems super mystical which meets with an extremely curious Varian. She actually sees him leaving Corona and because she’s a stalker and colorblind and likes how blue he is, she follows him along for a while before she eventually ends up saving everyone from the water trial. They see her as she tries to run off and (even though literally all of them are kind of spooked by her) immediately invites her along with the journey purely to study her.

With that being said she has no clue in the world what creature she is. And hardly anything about social interaction and it makes her freeze up, she’s been selectively mute since before she could remember and it’s only gotten worse over time. (She doesn’t know the word for it. She just thinks it makes her even more strange than she already is.)

But a main point of her character is that unlike everybody else on the team, she isn’t ambitious in the slightest. She sometimes wonders what she is, but she couldn’t care in the slightest about trying to figure out. She takes what she’s given and that’s it, she doesn’t let herself want more than what she has which is shocking because she really does not have much at all.

And that would be sort of her character development in letting herself have feelings and not immediately invalidate them in her mind and make close friends for the first time,

Her voice is kind of the thing that’s showing this through out her development and being super otherworldly at first, but eventually becomes more relaxed and sounding more like a Disney princess voice, still high pitched but with more emotion in it. Laura Osnes is her voice claim btw. She sounds more like her cover of When She Loved Me at first and ends up sounding more like her cover of Hopelessly Devoted.

(I love drawing eyes but I suck at it)

Her dynamics all start with people being scared of her except Olivia so she ends up becoming close to Hugo first, tbh though he mainly just takes pity on her because of a conversation they had.

Like they run across a Hugo wanted poster (there’s only like a couple of them but Hugo thinks he’s tough shit) and he’s all like:

“Haha sorry you had to figure out this way deer ;))) can’t try and stop me though ;)”

And Saria is staring hard at the poster like she’s investigating it: “…”

“… What? You already knew this I was kidding-”

“I’m sorry…. I never really.. learned how to read. What are the words underneath your face?”

Anyway he feels too bad about it and ends up trying to teach her how to read. She starts to pick up on it EVENTUALLY but it still takes a bit. Also she is such a stalker and she figures out Hugo is working for Donella QUICK. She doesn’t want him to be mad at her or anything though so she doesn’t expose him.

As said earlier, Varian tries to study her FAST. It makes her super uncomfortable but she isn’t at that point in self-confidence where she tells him that, but they eventually end up sharing stories and become close. It’s like they have polar opposite minds from each other but they just fit together so well <33 I think it’s pretty cute but whatever.

Yong probably gets over his fear of her quickest of anyone and he feels really validated in the way that she clearly sees him as an equal to her, if not above her. She listens while he yaps about random things he thinks nobody else would care to hear. They have NOTHING IN COMMON but that’s what drags them to be besties.

I think her and Nuru are probably the least closest because (reasonably) Nuru’s pretty freaked out by her, but they’d have their own little separate episode of a girls day out (including Olivia ofc) and Nuru realizes that she’s kind of in the same boat as her, cause I imagine even though Nuru has her doubts about everyone else at first and feels sort of above them, she has an intense loyalty to her people and just wants to help them even if she has to give every bit of herself to do it. Just like Saria.

Anyway with her and Varigo, I switch on them based on my mood.

Most of the time they’re polyamorous with more main focus on Varigo cause she doesn’t know jack shit about human emotions so not really that interesting pining going on there. But Varian and Hugo are like 10 times more confused over themselves and guilty abt their feelings. Also instead of trying to mash their names together I call them poly freckles.

Or sometimes she’s just a silly little friend to them that also ends up staying in Corona but mostly because she just has nowhere else to go and the two of them would feel bad banishing her back into the woods. She watches them argue and bully each other and thinks “Yeah… That’s love.. They love each other… :)))”

She is just such a strange creature to me and I love her. She’s so stupid and it’s so funny to imagine her surrounded by these scientific geniuses but unlike them she is actually physically strong and can pick common items up so they need her.

I could keep going off about her but that’s it for now. Plz send an ask if you want more because I WILL GIVE MORE!!!

[hazbinsponsoredbyvee]

I mean I understand why Radioapple is popular. The Enemies to Lovers trope is like one of the hottest tropes there is, and while Alastor and Vox were technically enemies everyone could tell Alastor didn't take their rivalry very seriously, likely because he didn't view Vox as an actual threat, but Vox was very quick to instigate and was easily shut down by Alastor which is also why Radiosilence is very popular, people love the one-sided thing between them and the bits of past lore we were given. But with Lucifer it's easy to see there's actual angry tension between the two, it's not a one-sided rivalry, Lucifer pisses Al off just as Al pisses Lucifer off so them and their dynamic fit the actual Enemies part perfectly and from there it's much easier to make scenarios in which they would become lovers. Hate sex being very popular because they have a lot of hate for each other, and if they were to have sex it would end in a lot of blood and tears and most likely a very torn up room. That's just my take on it. Tbh the only Radioapple I like is the Berryverse Radioapple which was a thing before the first season, it's kind of an AU where Alastor is a way better version of Al and is Angel's pimp and Lucifer is Vox because he sells Apple mac products.

As someone whose lifeblood is enemies to lovers, I totally get that. And when I first saw that people shipped radioapple my first thought was 'Oh yeah, that makes sense - enemies to lovers. Probably if I look at it close enough, I'll start shipping it too, cause I can never help myself with that trope.'

But then I did start to look at it closer, and I just... don't see any romantic or sexual tension between them. It seems a very superficial enmity because it's just the two most prideful beings being jealous of each other with no real heart behind it. No hate to them as enemies, cause enemies doesn't need to be a complicated thing, I just don't see enough there for anything to develop out of it. Maybe if Alastor wasn't aroace, but as it is, I think it would have to be very special circumstances for him to be interested in anyone like that.

As for radiostatic, I respectfully disagree about Alastor not taking their rivalry seriously. I think he just does a much better job of hiding it. This can even be seen in the (admittedly non-canon) comics, where Vox tries to get a rise out of Alastor, he rolls his eyes and walks away, but the second he's out of earshot starts grumbling and even swearing.

In the show itself, I went in knowing nothing, and in the first episode when Alastor and Vaggie were making the commercial, I was immediately convinced that he had been hurt by/had a grudge against someone in the television industry. Then, when he came out of his tailor's shop (which he knew was right across from Vox's shop, and why did he have to repair a coat that already had so many tears in it?), he stops to pose, cracks an eye open, and then gets all irritated when he gets no reaction. And then what does he do? Immediately goes on air to antagonize Vox right back. (I also saw a post talking about how he references the first part of the song, that Vox wasn't even on air for, implying that he also spies on Vox, but that's shaky evidence, I feel like.)

And the end of that episode really sealed it for me, with him waiting in the shadows, then picking up the watch and powering it on just to taunt Vox. Cause yeah, my first watch of Stayed Gone, I got the same impression that Alastor didn't take the rivalry seriously, but then here he was, going out of his way get a rise out of Vox. It suddenly showed that whatever was between them was very personal, and fuck, the only trope I like more than enemies to lovers is friends to enemies to lovers.

Well, sorry for this soapbox. I'm a big proponent of ship and let ship, so this is in no way trying to put down anyone who views these characters differently, I'm just sharing my opinion!

[saturnniidae]

astrid for the character ask game?

(p.s deya you are so cool)

YAYAUAY I LOVE YAMMERING ABKJT ASTRID (ALSO TYSM???)

Favorite thing about her: the way she cares so deeply for people but is bad at showing it and has the most diabolical case of cuteness aggression I fear I've ever seen. She expresses her love for her friends through actions like protecting them.

Least favorite thing: How she only has like one episode (the flighttmare episode where shes trying to regain her famliys honor. off the top of my head) dedicated solely to her, and all her other development being linked to Hiccup in some way and how she's slowly just reduced to 'supportive gf' in the later movies.

Favorite line: "Our parents war is about to become ours! Figure out which side you're on." Because it just tells you so much about her character. She's essentially a child soldier, well they all are, but the others still goof off, yknow, like kids are supposed to?? Astrid allows herself 0 moments of weakness (respite) and puts everything before herself to ensure berks safety.

BrOTP: I already talked about her and Snotlout, so how about her and Fishlegs? Like they their moments of silliness in that one rtte ep where he helped her look for a betrothal gift and her helping him protect the dramillions. It shows they have such a bond you'd think would be kind of unlikely but then it's like. Never talked about again and it makes me mad bc they're such best friends :(

(let Astrid have friends outside of Hiccup challenge: FAILED)

OTP: Her and Hiccup. Or Heather. Heathstrid is more of a 'it's cute and makes sense' ship than one I'm genuinely invested in tbh bc I don't think Heather needs a love interest, so ig hiccstrid since I'm more invested in it. (or specifically the version that lives in my head)

NOTP: idk. I saw her shipped with viggo once. That was Interesting (boo throws tomatoes👎👎)

Random headcanon:

Now knowing their war with the dragons was essentially pointless, she feels like she wasted her childhood. Had someone only realized and ended it sooner, she wouldn't have spent all her time training instead of being happy. Also she's trans <33

(Astrid child soldier Hofferson you grew up too fast. The dragon war ended only for her to be thrust into another conflict (war with viggo) shortly after but it's not like she's complaining. I feel like she spent so much time training to fight, she barely knows how to just. Be.)

Also. She keeps a little handkerchief in that pouch on her belt to wipe her hands after holding Hiccup's. Sweaty ass palms.

Also also, I feel like she has a slightly strained relationship with her parents and siblings and her uncle is her closest famliy member.

Unpopular opinion:

Sheshould get to be silly and be allowed to kind of suck sometimes. Let her be kind of a bitch with no remorse!!! let her be goofy sometimes!!!

Song I associate her with:

There's a few

Crab - Alex g (specifically her and Hiccup in the 1st movie and before it), The Wedding List - Kate Bush and The Calling - The Amazing Devil

(I've always interpreting The Calling as moving on from a desire to please and being blinded to other important aspects of life due to to one's obsession with strength, reflecting on that and starting anew which I feel fits her)

Favorite picture:

She looks so happy here it makes my chest hurt (gotnf is fhe best depiction of Astrid in all of httyd outside the first movie. I'll die in this hill)

[ca-suffit]

Can we discuss claudia and louis attempting to kill lestat also because that does count as violence too doesn't it? I'm asking an honest question openly because I do agree louis and claudia faced much worse than lestat and lestat's unhinged violence to louis was horrifying and obviously racist PERIOD. but does the murder attempt count or how does that fit in :3

One thing I did notice is how much SR coddles lestat as a character. I get loving lestat, I get he plays him so he's going to tap into that love but when I watched the BTS clips after the episode he always justifies lestat's every action i.e. saying the ending scene btwn LL was so beautiful, or how lestat was trying to save louis during the trial. He never talks about real issues. As the "lead" he should imo. Ngl he makes lestat out to be the victim too at times, even vaguely.

It does count but...I had to go dig up the original ask here.

I don't think we're done seeing that scene tbh. but what we've seen so far is, as the ask said, "romantic."

Lestat in the book is poisoned, throat slit, and stabbed multiple times in the chest. Claudia grabs him by the neck and bites into him as he's bleeding out on the floor, then he's left in a swamp once he's "dead." but he comes back a little later so then he's set on fire and stabbed and beaten more with a fireplace poker. He's *severely* disfigured after all of that and that's why he goes to Paris to see Armand and ends up in the trial instead. He's trying to seek Armand's blood to heal himself faster. Armand takes advantage of that tho to get Claudia killed (and he never gives him any healing blood). And *then* he pushes Lestat out of the tower and it breaks every bone in Lestat's body and takes him 2 years to heal from.

So then compare that to what the show ever did to him while Louis and Claudia are routinely shown getting fucked up and that's the problem.

Also ya SR does that. Although the more stuff I see over time, the more I start feeling like it's all intentional marketing bs from everyone bcuz nobody much is ever talking about anything. I understand that the point is to not rly ever villainize anyone, but idk why u make a series like this and skip over talking about some of the *best* parts of it?? SR said some of the most unhinged stuff about Lestat in the last Autumn Brown interview (which is a feat too bcuz she does not ask any pressing questions, he just was saying shit on his own lol) and everyone's letting that go by bcuz it doesn't fit the sweet and innocent vibes they mostly like lol.

[paint-music-with-me]

GMMTV trailer thoughts (part one)

ok, i have time (not really) to talk about each GMMTV trailer for 2025 because apparently i haven't done this since . . . the 2022 line-up oh my gods - anyway, enjoy my half-formed thoughts/feelings

"Dare You to Death" - we follow two detectives (so opposites attract it seems) who are trying to capture a serial killer after this group of college students after one young girl is killed during a game of truth or dare. i like the concept, it's giving "manner of death". i hope that the layers are clean and well-paced, maintaining the tone because there's the love story btwn the detectives, then the mystery with the different, suspicious college students (unless the number shrinks by production time), but that just means there's much to work with

"Head to Head" - we follow Jinn and Jay (neighbors, classmates, rivals) in the fashion department in college and when their beef gets Jay injured (and seeing the future where Jinn dies??), they live together and realize their feelings for each other. personally, the beginning felt very "bad buddy" and then the seeing-into-the-future caught me off guard because why? (to be different, yes, but why?) the story isn't giving 12-episode run-time, but maybe it might surprise me like "be my favorite" did. for now, though it is def low priority watch

"Burnout Syndrome" - guided by the advice/warning (?) of a second male lead, a young man (possibly an escort going through burnout) meets Mr. K, a mysterious and possibly dangerous businessman. idk if i did that synopsis right but that's what it feels like. also i already got that trailer song in my playlist the moment i heard it omgg so good. so can we talk about how we got another offgun series AND it's a LOVE TRIANGLE with DEW AND IT'S BEING DIRECTED BY P'NUCHY?! i'm sat, i'm ready, i am in waiting. i really hope we lean into the symbolism/imagery of burning, fire, passion, kindle, embers, flames, ashes, pain, warmth, danger, etc. because there is so much to work here with this kind of dynamic! we must not waste it! (p.s. i hope we get that scene where dew is walking out and gun just watches him with tears in his eyes while off wraps his arms around him possessively, omg the toxic, the pain, the drama!) (p.p.s. also im a sucker for underwater kisses!)

"I Love (A Lot of) You" - we follow a young man who is tasked with getting a girl with multiple personalities to fall in love with him (all five of her personalities, specifically). the tone . . . is confusing for me? in the beginning it felt like a thriller/horror but then it gets all rom-com then gets all thriller again (i think its the music choice and lighting). im not fully on board with the story - i need more groundwork because there's nuance to be had since she does have a mental health condition, there is typically some trauma associated with it. there is usually a reason as to why each personality emerges, so i really do hope that if it's truly a love story, there is a sensitivity to the subject (tbh look a little bit at "moon knight" as an example).

"Whale Store xoxo" - we follow Wan, a young woman who suddenly finds herself an owner of her father's shop and struggling to make ends meet, until she meets Maewnam, a local handywoman, and they work together to make the shop thrive and fall in love along the way. listen, im a sucker for milklove and will always be ready for them. im glad there's a secondary w/w couple too (who seem to have a rocky relationship - im intrigued). it feels slice-of-life with wholesome dynamics and maybe the occasional pulling of heart strings like those comfort kdramas (i'm thinking of "hometown cha cha" or "crash course romance"). im sat and waiting patiently, ty

"ONLY FRIENDS: DREAM ON" - a second season of messy relationships now in a drama theater setting (fitting) with Boston making it his personal playground . . . again. BITCH! WHEN I SAW THIS, I SCREAMED! NOW THIS IS WHAT I CALL A FUNCTIONAL TRAILER! we are given the specific dynamics of each relationship and how they'll interact with each other and how MESSY IT WILL GET OH MY GODS YES! what a blueprint (it's giving degrassi circus trailer bitch)! also i love that mix came back like omg and being in a drama theater? fucking perfection! like now there's intentional layers, like the story has a chance to be tighter and focused yk? and the willingness to break branded pairs? oh i better fucking see it! BREAK THEM UP BITCH LET'S GO! i literally scoffed off the idea of a season two but here i am boo boo the clown sat and ready to get toxic all over again. (p.s. the audacity of giving another gawinjoss story when im still sat for "my golden blood" bitch where aRE THEY!?)

"That Summer" - after getting sent to work for his uncle for a summer, Lava stumbles upon a washed-up amnesiac prince whom he later falls in love with. there's also a mystery as to who is trying to harm the prince and if their relationship can survive outside of one summer on an island. ok...first off i'm happy for Winny and Satang, can't wait to see how it'll go! the story reminds me a lot of "overboard" which leads me to thinking that maybe this story is more set for a movie instead of a 12-episode series, even with the second love story? again it could lean into slice-of-life chill pace territory but the story alone does not butter my biscuit so it may be a low priority watch for now

"My Romance Scammer" - we follow two cousins who find themselves in marriages with scammers, but things get complicated when the scammers' feelings may be more genuine than previously planned. BITCH! i'm sat for this one - like the cousins having different views on love/marriage, the scammers trying not to fall in love with their targets, the cousins trying to get back at the scammers, the repercussions of this scam! gods i freaking love junior and mark like holy shit they are just *chef's kiss* the only thing i think im worried about is how everything is established to us and where we go from there since there's two relationships going long enough for there to be a marriage THEN the scam reveal THEN consequences THEN the re-falling in love yk? but im always ready for messy mess, let's goooo! (also like im filipino so two people in the same family getting married at the same time gave me goosebumps like GIRLL SUKOB)

"Melody of Secrets" - when he stumbles upon a crime scene with no recollection of who he was there for, a young journalist will go to great lengths to find the connection between him, the mysterious detective who claims to be his boyfriend, and a series of murder cases. first off, I WAS FUCKING RIGHT - THEY FINALLY GAVE FORCEBOOK A MYSTERY COP THILLER FUCK YESS (i didn't really post abt it but i spoke it into existence!) I AM FINALLY BEING FED IN 2025!! LIKE FORCE'S BLURRED FACE ON TOP OF BOOK AND THAT FINAL SCENE??? BITCH! 2nd, the story is intriguing but goddamnit there better be some groundwork for this mystery like im already not feeling for the amnesia (sorry) and is tankhun really a twin? ugh. i might make a separate post about it but some alternative ideas are connection btwn memory and music (hello, melody?); no amnesia but faded memories because they were separated and got reunited; family memories or legacy/ancestry??? regardless, i AM FUCKING SAT AND IMPATIENTLY WAITING!

"Love You Teacher" - when his boyfriend gets into an accident where his mind regresses to a seven-year-old, a kindergarten teacher (who happens to not like kids) tries to navigate this new landscape in his relationship. listen, i love santaperth and sammy, but . . . this story just does not . . . do it for me? i do believe there's a way to make it work but there needs to be an emphasis on nuance and recovery because . . . how do i put this lightly . . . there's so much that can go wrong. i'm not saying it's inherently bad, just that there should be sensitivity instead of just being another silly cutesy story. also it's giving movie than 12-episode series so idk . . . im not holding my breath for this one

[katyspersonal]

Tbh being in this fandom helped me to recover my love for drawing?

I've always loved to draw, since early childhood, and I've always picked bright colors and put too much thought and detail into drawings! Like, I wasn't yet six years old and my ways to draw were already showing xD

Things started to go sour since maybe 14, because it was when teachers noticed my talent and started to exploit it to make me draw shit for stupid school events -_- It was also when I started to draw digitally, so, posting my art online. It became an obligation I was not even compensated for irl and a strong stress of "getting audience" and "improvement" online. And it was a very long timeframe of drawing with how my art will be received in mind. I think I've temporarily lost originality as an artist when I've got on Tumblr, even. Because I tried to chameleon to ideas, trends and styles of everyone else. It's been YEARS.

But joining this fandom forced me to abandon my fixation on reception. I've never gotten my art side-eyed and disliked so much in my whole life. I've heard pearls like "You don't have a talent (as an artist) and it is cringe that you say you do", "I don't like how you draw people", "I think you should focus on writing, you are way better at it than at visual art", "Only people who can't draw would enjoy your art" - and none of these came from haters! A lot of ignoring, a lot of visible and obvious irritation from a fan of [character] because I've drawn them "ugly", pity liking because they don't like my art but like me as a person, nothing good to say about my art besides "well you've put a lot of effort in" etc. It just became obvious that my art doesn't fit in Soulsborne fandom. Everyone here are talented, studied artists with academical skill. When they aren't, their style is appealing, simple, anime-ish and pleasing for the eyes. And then there is me lol

The thing is, whereas I had multiple episodes of wanting to delete all my fanart from socials, wanting to give up on art altogether, starting to hate my art myself because others hated it and avoiding looking at other artists' blogs to not face the humiliation of how much more love they get compared to me... I waded through it.

I came out of it a stronger person, that learned to love drawing only and ONLY for the heck of it. I've noticed that I really just like drawing, because it's fun. Because I want to see some drawing, not because someone else might. I was forced to grow up, except.. I wasn't? I could have given up on art like I "wanted" to! I knew some artists in Soulsborne, mostly 16-17 but not only, who gave up on drawing (at least for this fandom) or straight up abandoned their blogs because of facing similar snobbery regarding their art styles! They were similarly very detailed and "inconvenient", to think back on it. 🤔 But I am here, right? I didn't even do the bare minimum of trying to "fix" my art style to be more "appealing", I just continued drawing the way I like to.. and tbh, the way I used to love drawing back in childhood returned. Long ago before internet, "content", "platform", "relevance" and all this stupid shit that defeats the point. I am lucky to get 30 notes on fully colored fully detalized drawing, 20 of which are friends or mutuals, but I just stopped caring? I am drawing for the heck of it, so many years later, again?

In general, guys, I don't know who needs to hear this, but if you are dealing with ignoring, snobbery, taunting or all at once as an artist, I really recommend you to endure through it and not give up. Eventually you will naturally become strong and self-sufficient! The best way to learn to not rely on anyone else's approval is to actually not be given this approval but continue. The joy of enjoying the drawing regardless of whether your art is liked by others is a wealth much bigger than popularity

[thedrunkenreadersreviews]

Who is Alastor leashed to?

Coke and Jack always slaps! (Sip, sp)

With time to digest Hazbin Hotel's first season, as well as explore other theories that people have, I find that a theory I have is one of the rarest ones. That in no way means it is superior (I'll probably end up being wrong tbh) but I wanted your takes and to read what you guys have to say. Of course, this theory is in regards to who I believe Alastor is leashed to. Granted, my theory is not completely formulated. There are still questions I am asking myself and I am still pulling the whole thing together but I want to share the base of what I have because maybe collaborations and conversations can help me answer these questions.

*Sip, sip*

To start, I think everything is connected to each other. Alastor's leash, his disappearance for 7 years, Lilith, his being at the hotel, and the source of his power.

Now, as much as I posted jokes about Lilith and Alastor on here, let me be clear that I do NOT believe that Lilith owns Alastor's soul. I think it is way too obvious and has been written as a red herring. However, that does not mean I do not think Lilith is in no way involved in the Alastor equation. I think she is but not as the one that Alastor is leashed to. How exactly she fits into this, that I am still trying to figure out.

*Sip, sip*

Who, then, do I think owns Alastor? No, I don't think it's Eve either (though I do not in any way completely dismiss that theory. That was actually the first one I contemplated because she has been MIA). I don't think it's Roo (but the same thing with the Eve theory, I am happy to entertain it because I think it is plausible). I am just on the brink of being 100% convinced it is most certainly not Lilith, not Lucifer, and no, not Niffty either.

*Sip, sip*

Mostly, I think Alastor is leashed to von Eldritch and it actually surprises me that I have not seen more people think so.

*Sip, sip*

Von Eldritch has been one of those looming background figures that is there just enough to make his existence canon but not enough for fans who have not been following Hazbin's creation since the beginning to know who they are. And that is in no way me attempting to gatekeep Hazbin Hotel. I love when fandoms grow and I think it is absolutely incredible that this fantastic show is expanding to a wider audience and more people get to share in this remarkable adventure. Fredrick von Eldritch and Berthseda von Eldritch, along with their children, are shadows on the wall. They are seen in portraits on the hotel's walls and Fredrick is seen in a picture with an arguably much younger-looking Lucifer in Lucifer's room. They have not made an official debut, but they are there. Now let me break down why I think Alastor is leashed to von Eldritch (and I'm leaning towards him being leashed to Fredrick but I'm not dismissing any of the other von Eldritchs).

*Sip, sip*

Eldritch Lore is already canon in the Hellaverse

Not only is Eldritch lore (H.P. Lovecraft's grand mythos) wiggling its way onto the screen in Hazbin but it is most prominently present in Helluva Boss.

In the Helluva Boss episode "Seeing Stars," the entire prologue is Stolas explaining Eldritch lore. Azathoth is a god in the Eldritch Mythos known as one of the "Great Old Ones."

In the prologue of the same episode, Stolas says: "In the great expanse of the nether, there exist boundless amounts of magnificent phenomena. ... But once every one thousand years, our corner of reality is treated to an incredible sight. From the deep eldritch recesses of the cosmos, the tears of a forgotten colossus begin to fall. Tears made of the hopes and dreams of every living thing that never came to be condensed and sent shooting across the night sky in a dazzling final display. What appears to mortal beings as a meteor shower, we can see for what it is---Azathoth's Tears." This prologue nearly solidifies the existence of another reality, one not ruled by the angels of the Hellaverse's Heaven, beyond the reaches of Lucifer and Sera and the others. In this other reality, the Eldritch begins may be the ones running the show and sometimes, as Stolas implies, the two realities cross paths, almost like incursions if you will. I'll dwell more on this in a bit.

In "Spring Broken," one of the shops is also named "Dagon Juice," with Dagon being another figure from the Eldritch Mythos.

2. Alastor's Powers

It has been confirmed by Viv and other creators on the show that Alastor possesses not just voodoo powers but also "Eldritch Powers." The green motif that surrounds Alastor's powers can be found in Eldritch lore, as are the black tentacles that Alastor frequently calls on.

3. The von Eldritch Family

They are a complicated group because of the information that we have on them but even more so because of the information that we don't. From what we can see in the portraits both in the pilot and in the episode "Dad Beat Dad," the Morningstar Family and von Eldritch Family are rather close.

*Sip, sip*

Let's acknowledge now that their name is literally von Eldritch.

*Sip, sip*

With that out of the way, let's look first at the picture of Lucifer and Fredrick in "Dad Beat Dad." Lucifer is not wearing the same outfit he wears in the series and other official artworks. He looks relatively younger and is casually smiling with his arm around Fredrick while pointing to him in a goofy manner. Just two friends hanging out. Strangely, Lucifer seems to be wearing an outfit similar to Charlie's tux in the image (but that's a theory for another day).

In the Pilot, images of the von Eldritch and Morningstar Families are found in the background. One portrait depicts both families together (with Lilith looking a little less than thrilled to be there) and one shows Seviathan with Charlie at their high school prom (for those that don't know, Seviathan von Eldritch, Fredrick's son, used to date Charlie and they were in a series relationship before eventually splitting up). There are no other pictures of the Morningstar family being close with any of the other families. We do see Lucifer in the background during the end of the extermination with Zestial, Carmilla, and Zeezi, but that's all, and this shows that the royal family does sometimes engage with the overlords.

Furthermore, Fredrick has been said to be an Overlord of Hell, and the von Eldritch Family are, as of now, regarded as Hellborne with the only other notable Hellbrone entity mentioned that is not of lower station (Ars Goetia, imp, hellhound) is Charlie.

*Sip, sip*

So, if you are not Ars Goetia but Hellborne and so high up in society that you are friendly with the Morningstar Family, it raises questions. This is what I think. I think Seviathan and his sister are Hellborne, while Fredrick and Berthseda are not. I think they came from this Eldritch space, before or after Lucifer's fall, and either ended up getting stuck there because their window to return closed, were cast out (much like Lucifer was and that is how they became friends), or decided to remain in the Hellaverse reality.

Fredrick is known as an Overlord because an Overlord requires you to own souls and is the highest you can get unless you are Ars Goetia. So I think Fredrick is an Overlord by de facto much like Alastor is (Alastor does not want power as stated by Fautisse and was never even looking for the title of Overlord but has it by default. Also interesting how Alastor is an Overlord with no apparent territory like the Vees and Rosie have, which makes me believe that this position on Alastor's lack of desire for power and being an Overlord still stands, and I'll expand more on that as well ... in another post, this theory is long, I know).

*Sip, sip*

This is where my uncertainty that I'm still trying to figure out starts.

I think it's possible von Eldritch is not on the side of Lucifer. It could be that he is simply trying to return home or desires to take over not just Hell but Heaven as well.

If Alastor is leashed to von Eldritch, I could see von Eldritch sending him to the hotel as an informant of sorts which ties back to Lilith. I think Lilith could know about von Eldritch's hold on Alastor and also knows about Charlie's plans for the hotel. So I think it is very possible that Alastor double dipped: he sold his soul to von Eldritch (why, again, another theory, can't make this post too long lol) and then made a deal with Lilith: I'll do what I can to help Charlie and in exchange, you try to get me out of my deal with von Eldritch (notice how in the Pilot, Alastor was particularly interested in Lilith when admiring that family portrait which is why I think she is still part of this equation). Lilith, based on her expression in that two families photo as seen in the Pilot as well, does not seem to like von Eldritch like Lucifer does (of course this could be because she disliked the relationship between their son and Charlie, but we can't place the portrait on the timeline).

*Sip, sip*

So, I'll leave it at that for now. I'm picking up little details as I go, trying to catch things. I think the owner of Alastor's contract is von Eldritch, I think Lilith is involved with Alastor's being at the hotel, and I think this can also play into why Alastor seethingly hates Lucifer from moment one (along with another reason I'm happy to divulge in ... in another post lol).

*Sip, sip*

But please, tell me your thoughts, and feel free to ask questions. Let me know if you want to hear my take on the whole Alastor/Lucifer rivalry, what Alastor is after if not power, why he made a deal with von Eldritch (which I think he made when he was still alive and not just before his 7-year absence) or anything else, really. I love talking about theories.

*Sip, sip*

Also, don't you think it is a bit funny how the number 7 is associated with Heaven like the number 6 is associated with Hell, and Lilith ends up apparently being in Heaven for 7 years?

But I digress.

Cheers.

*Sip, sip*

[if-loki-was-a-fox]

having started watching Wild Life, my autistic ass is now trying to assign the wildcards to tma entities

the snails are easy, they're obviously hunt, but i'm not so sure about the others. the changing sizes in the first episode is kinda giving spiral? possibly flesh. and i think the food switching in the second one could be corruption? mainly based on the hunger/starvation/various poisoning effects

you're the only other person i've seen talk about both so uh. d'you have any thoughts?

- 🦴

(I have so many thoughts, this post is about to spiral so far out of control 'cus I love musing on stuff—)

I was actually thinking about this exactly while watching the latest episodes! The snails had initially struck me as corruption, being slimy little bug-adjacent creatures, but that's so purely aesthetic that the moment you see them in action it's just incredibly clear that they're just straight up The Hunt, as clear cut as it could possibly be tbh.

Maybe a bit of The End with the whole instant kill thing, the invincibility/immortality of the snails, and the kind of inevitability of the snails getting you eventually

The other two are definitely a lot harder

Session 2's gimmick of not being able to eat food / having to eat blocks, with it's themes of eating, kinda reminds me of a lot of Flesh statements in first thought tbh, but without any actual meat (and in fact, meat being the one thing they solidly can't eat) it just doesn't seem to follow through on more than a shallow level. Though maybe from the more fandom angle with the gore-ish-ness of teeth cracking on stone, and how bloody swallowing your own sword incorrectly would be, that kinda fits Flesh

Thinking on the actual energy of that gimmick as it played out in the videos, with the huge change and upset to normalcy that leads to catastrophic results and mass panic, I almost want to say it has some Extinction vibes, but without the "man made"/"we brought this upon ourselves" aspect I'm not sure it quite works out

The Corruption idea I don't think I would have thought of on my own, but it makes some sense too. The whole idea of food making you sick, or of all the other ill affects from just trying not to starve/die, the variety of ways you're almost guaranteed to get poisoned and hurt before you figure out something actually edible..

Corruption and Buried are also both fun to consider with the imagery of having to eat dirt and the like. Buried doesn't have any other relevance tho as far as I can think

Rhyme's suggested The Stranger, as it's solidly an example of the familiar being made unfamiliar, but most manifestations of The Stranger play very heavily on it being other people that are strange and weird, in my observations, so I'm not sure if it's quite right

Spiral also works well with the familiar being bad incomprehensible tho I think. The gimmick doesn't make them doubt reality, but it does rely a lot on them being confused and no longer being able to understand and rely on what should be such a basic backbone to reality (eating food makes you less hungry). A lot of the fear and panic on that session comes from that I think, the logic of world not working the way it should, which fits Spiral fairly well

Session 1 I honestly don't know about. The size changing mechanic didn't strike as much fear into everyone as the other two, which makes it a bit harder to categorize what fear it does cause

Maybe The Buried at times, because there were concerns about getting too big in spaces that were too small

Or The Vast, because of the whole "too big" idea in and of itself, and how getting too big could theoretically play into fear of heights (though it didn't much actually do so in the videos). It also had several incidents of falling to deaths, which is pretty fitting for The Vast. Vast feels like the most aesthetically fitting tho, with heights and sizes being pretty big things with it

Spiral and Flesh definitely make sense too though, playing off of the idea of your very self changing. Constantly shrinking and growing with only a certain level of control to it does kinda feel body-horror-ish, and the whole questioning if what even was changing and if their sizes were changing at the begining could also play into spiral ideas. The whole thing was a bit dream-like

Thinking about how the different fears can play into stuff is fun :]