#because they dont want their illusion to shatter

[elegyofthemoon]

yeah actually let me finish 100% everything first before i write all this up

and if i just ramble and post randomly rather than putting one cohesive post about my findings, im sorry :D

ok but do i want to actually sit and read through all the clockie animation stuff so i have better foundation for what i want to say? i guess

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hey thanks for accepting this ask. So what I wanted to ask is how the amazing digital circus crew would react to a reader who's a strong hero...that's incredibly optimistic, dense and Guilable thinking that the world acts like a cartoon/comic sometimes

TADC cast x comic hero type reader!

meant to start knocking out these last two requests earlier this morning but i had to clean up the house a bit; but im finally getting onto it! reminder that requests are currently closed and any requests sent in will not be answered and will be deleted to keep the inbox clean; so please keep your requests until i announce theyre open again! plan on taking a day or two off to rest my brain n back as well as catching up on art and my own personal fic. the requests being answered currently were sent in prior to requests closing with that said, i hope you enjoy this anon!!

CAINE:

honestly i think caine would be the same way, not exactly but i think he would some of the cluelessness in terms of how the real world works... except its mostly with the non digital real world; call it inexperience or something! lets you play hero during the IHA.. honestly you kind of fit right in with your personality, with tropes and being a stereotypical comic book hero, if not a little na��ve. pretends he doesnt recognize you when you walk around in your "citizens disguise"

likes coming up with villain npcs for you to fight during adventures

POMNI:

initial confusion when she sees you just walking around with a tie plastered to your chest, asks you what its for as well as dropping your name. even more shocked that youre shocked that she knows who you are. kind of just accepts this is a thing you do and doesnt question it, especially as she settles into the digital world.. at least youre handy during IHA.. i think during my little break i might try to figure out how i wish to right pomni because i really do wish i made her stuff more... interesting

RAGATHA:

honestly i think she would make you stuff to add to your disguise. doesnt want to shatter the illusion for you so she just tries to casually give you stuff out of the kindness of her heart... which isnt... totally wrong.. honestly i dont think she would try to change you or bring up the bad disguise thing so long as its not somehow putting you in danger. in fact i think she finds your whole hero personality endearing, you guys are both optimistic and its nice to be around someone who isnt just. losing their marbles or being a dick.. plus, you arent technically wrong to view the digital world as a cartoon, i mean, look at it and look at the physics of the world and all

JAX:

oh he is going to be a menace, probably makes a joke villain persona to mess with you only for you to immediately gun for him and deal with his "evil antics",, i mean hey as long as jax doesnt put his silly little villain mask back on you wouldnt suspect a thing... maybe... i think he would roll his eyes at some of the things you say, since youre way more optimistic and out there than ragatha... probably uses your gullible..ness... as a means to trick you

KINGER:

honestly the "as a royal myself" line he dropped in the pilot makes me think that at some level he believes himself to be a real king; or maybe he was just REALLY playing into his whole theming and he knows hes just some dude but was trying to appeal to the gloink queen... what im trying to say is that i think there might actually be a solid chance he fully leans into your hero thing, and perhaps even falls for your disguise (if him constantly forgetting gangle is standing right next to him says anything about his observation skills and/or mental state)

ZOOBLE:

similar to jax but also not. finds your optimism a little too much sometimes; especially if youre very outwardly social and friendly so its not like you swoop in to do your hero duties but you also stop to talk to the 'civilians' of the circus.. though unlike jax they wouldnt try to trick you, nor do i think they would exactly be mean to you. a little irritable by your energy and attitude, maybe, but i think zooble gets irritated by almost everyone in the circus.. reluctantly plays along with your disguise

GANGLE:

i think she would be into it, probably draws you in your non-disguise outfit. you get fanart, yay! probably similar to pomni in the whole, just accepts how you are both as a person and with your antics, but i think she just accepts everything everyone else does! not much to say, shes a fan of it and if you stand up for her when jax is mean thats just an added bonus for her

[pinkrelish]

Forgive me for not understanding eddie exactly in this latest installment. But he started off flirting with mouse and calling her cute names then during d&d when she went to put adrie back to bed, he told his friends they were just friends/reverted back to being hesitant again. Did i misread the first part of the chapter? Did he just feel comfortable being more openly flirty with her but hasnt yet made the decision that he does want to pursue something more serious? I hope this doesnt come across any type of way, im genuinely curious and i sometimes misunderstand so just wanted to clarify if you dont mind :)

putting my answer under a cut! (it's a kinda angsty dive into eddie's feelings)

when eddie and miss mouse are alone together, he's less afraid to act on his impulses. although at the beginning of this chapter he was overdoing it to tease her, he loves being able to call her sweeter, and sweeter endearments, and flirt with her to his heart's content.

but he still has unanswered questions that weigh heavily on his mind.

anytime someone takes notice of eddie's feelings towards miss mouse and tries to validate them, those anxieties come back. (what if she leaves at the end of summer? what if she doesn't want kids? what if we try this and i'm not good enough? what if this is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and everyone sees it, and i have to tell them this lifestyle wasn't what she was looking for, so we broke up so she could move back to new york?)

whether it be steve, his uncle, his friends, or even people at work, whenever his 'definitely more than friends' relationship gets pointed out, he freezes because those anxieties set in, and he's reminded of his reality, and the illusion is shattered.

[stxrshiine]

٠ ࣪⭑11. Just Friends (written) (this is after the movie)

Part 10 | Masterlist | Part 11.5

Warnings: brief mention of homophobia

A/N: this is my first time writing so I apologize if it's not good :(

Jihyo grabs your hand, pulling you closer to her.

As you're about to question her, a large dog runs past you followed by the owner yelling out their name. They yell out a quick sorry to you both before continuing to chase after their runaway dog.

Now that they're gone, you become very aware of the soft, warm hand holding your own. Jihyo looks down at your held hands, her mind now in utter chaos at the fact that she's holding your hand. She takes a deep breath, trying to compose herself and get her mind back in order.

When she manages to calm down a bit, she immediately begins apologizing, stumbling over her words. As she rambles on, you can't help but smile a little when you notice her rosy cheeks.

Cute, you think.

You watch as a few strands of her hair fall in front of her face. Without thinking, you reach out to go to push the stray hairs behind her ear. At the sound of someone's voice, Jihyo stops talking and your hand stops a couple inches from her face.

"Aww, you two are such a cute couple!"

You turn to see an old lady smiling at you, giving you a knowing look.

When did she get here?

Jihyo looks down, covering her mouth to hide her smile. Even this old lady is feeding into her delusions. She can't wait to tell the groupchat that they got called a cute couple.

A cute couple going home after a movie date.

A cute cou-

"Oh no, we're just friends," you quickly say, laughing nervously.

Jihyo's smile falls. The illusion shattered.

Right, this is reality. You only think of her as a friend, nothing more.

You step back and put as much distance between you and Jihyo as possible. The last thing you want is to make her uncomfortable.

But seeing the way you moved away from her, the knife twists further into her heart.

You begin to feel everything and become hyper aware of your breathing along with how you've now become frozen into place.

A memory flashes in your mind, the day you confessed to your crush back in High school.

Your best friend.

The disgust on her face as you told her you had feelings for her, is something you could never forget. After that, she never spoke to you again and you spent the rest of your senior year alone. Since then, you've been keeping that part of yourself hidden.

Or at least you've been trying to.

You try to ignore those feelings and focus back on the old lady who is still talking to you.

"Are you sure?" The old lady raises an eyebrow and crosses her arms. "Because you don't look at just anyone like that."

You don't dare look at Jihyo, too afraid of what her reaction might be. You open your mouth to speak but no words come out.

Jihyo raises an eyebrow at what was just said. She wishes so badly that she wasn't nervous as she was apologizing earlier, so she could see what kind of look you had on your face.

"Dont be afraid to love who you love, my dear." She gets a distant look in her eyes as she looks up at the night sky. "I made that mistake myself and I've regretted it ever since."

And with that, she gives you a sad smile and walks away.

Would it really be okay? Should you tell Jihyo how you feel?

"You okay?"

You nod your head, not trusting yourself to speak to Jihyo right now. You know if you do, you're just going to end up embarrassing yourself.

"We should get going then, I think it's gonna rain," she says, holding out her hand and looking at the sky.

You watch as a few water droplets land on the palm of her hand and with one shared look, you both book it out of the park.

The old lady's words echo in your mind as you run alongside Jihyo and you already know you won't be able to sleep tonight.

[missfreija]

louis for the ask meme ❤️

favorite thing about them: his tendency to react with great fervor only to the topics that interest him, his love for literature, his reverence for life only after becoming a vampire, his emotional vulnerability and weird moral principles, his introspective and anguished narrative, his physical appearance lol i like that the author wrote him as a sort of naive dramatic romantic mc.

least favorite thing about them: he is so judgemental. (real answer: his almost total absence after iwtv. I need a trilogy slice of life from his pov lol)

favorite line: 'The great adventure of our lives. What does it mean to die when you can live until the end of the world? and what is 'the end of the world' except a phrase, because who knows even what is the world itself? I had now lived in two centuries, seen the illusions of one shattered by the other, been eternally young and eternally ancient, possessing no illusions, living moment to moment in a way that made me picture a silver clock ticking in a void: the painted face, the delicately carved hands looked upon by no one, looking out at no one, illuminated by a light which was not a light, like the light by which god made the world before He had made light. Ticking, ticking, ticking, the precision of the clock, in a room as vast as the universe'

brOTP: david (basically canon, they often live together for years between memnoch and post merrick, they seem to have a mutual admiration and sometimes david can kiss his maker's husband ahah), gabrielle (a girl can dream lol i wanted more interactions between them), armand in tg era, and i think marius would be a good friend for louis. marius likes louis right away in qotd and once louis got over his reverential fear of the roman they could often discuss about art and other interesting topics. I think louis would get along with almost all the cast

OTP: lestat

(honorable mention under the section 'emotional relationship that made me cry a lot' for louis and claudia <3)

nOTP: i don't Hate them but i've never been a fan of armand/louis

random headcanon: 1) when he was human his only sexual experiences were with prostitutes, he never had a lover. 2) he is a decent billiards player. 3) during the nineteenth century he read and enjoyed penny dreadfuls. 4) even in the present sometimes he confuses words and mixes French and English

unpopular opinion: i dont know, people only talk about show!louis (and i couldn't care less about that version of the character...) or how they hate him in the books.

i like to think that his angsty reunion with lestat at the end of iwtv happened in 1920/'30 (we know that Lestat affirms that this fact never happened and that Louis only spied him from the windows but I don't really like this explanation sooo I prefer to believe louis' version and to think that lestat lied or doesn't remember lol).

i don't know if it's an unpopular opinion but i noticed that many fans love his character development/glow up post merrick (having accepted his nature and no longer being sooo weak) but I have always been a bit perplexed about this event, in the narrative his resurrection is rushed and shallow, to me it felt basically just a pretext to awaken lestat (even his chapter at the end of pl is so...random and out of context but ok). on the other hand I'm happy that Louis got some peace and happiness after so much suffering but the (offscreen) process that led to this change disappointed me

him being the 'royal consort' in the final books gives me second hand embarrassment lol

song i associate with them: saint bernard - lincoln, california - lana del rey, his Canonic Song aka moon over bourbon street - sting

favorite picture of them: there are so many amazing fanart 🫶🏻

i love this artist - this - this

[wellthebardsdead]

Lucien: Aurorwren, I wanted to ask you something, about your people…

Aurorwren: judging from your tone, I think I know what you’re about to ask… And yes… the stories of our cruelty are all true…

Lucien: did you?… participate in it?…

Aurorwren: No. but I was complacent in it… I grew up unfortunately in a city ruled by a king who was fond of Molag Bal… The flesh gardens were, normal for me. I grew up like most Ayleids seeing Nedes not as sentient beings of equal standing but like plants, or furniture, or animals… That was until my tutor asked me to participate in the act of ‘gut gardening’… *visibly shudders making his feathers ruffle*

Lucien: you- you didn’t-

Aurorwren: no. I couldn’t… They presented me with a young man, he looked like he was my age at the time. Tied and gagged to a bench, and he looked at me with such fear in his eyes, the illusion of superiority that we were raised to believe shattered for me… I took the knife they gave me to cut him open and I set him free. And before I knew it I was flying with him out of the city, out of Cyrodiil, and then I saw them, more nedes, hundreds of them, living free in the forests of skyrim… so I landed and left him there, they welcomed him with open arms and for the first time in my life, they didn’t stare at me with fear, anger or resentment but… they were, greatful. *sighs* The punishment I received when I went home was severe, but it was nothing compared to the pain my people put the nedes through. My father clipped my wings and kept me housebound for a year, but once I was out I found other Ayleids like me. We smuggled more and more nedes out of our homeland and to skyrim where they’d be free. I suppose now you know them as the reachmen or the bretons… and when Alessia and Morihaus lead their rebellion, I fought along side them against my own people… I’d never taken a life before that day. But my first kill was my father… *looks down at the Varla stone he was petrified with* and after the battle, I had a vision… of the high elves reliving the mistakes of my people… so I asked the dwemer to encase me in stone, and I prayed I would be freed at a time when the dragons flew free again… *smiles sadly looking at Lucien with tears in his eyes* you look like him. You know?

Lucien: like? Who?…

Aurorwren: The Nede I set free that day… his eyes were like yours. And when you smile I see his smile… *looks down at the varla stone again* I’m glad to be the last of my kind… I’m glad we were wiped off the face of the earth… Because now humans are free, and they’re so beautiful in all their similarities and differences… *sighs* my people are a blemish on the pages of tambriels history… And I look forward to my last breath so I can remove the stain of my existence… but I’m glad to have met you l- Lucien?

Lucien: *suddenly hugs him tight, squeezing him like his life depends on it as tears pour down his face* DONT SAY THAT! DONT EVER SAY THAT AGAIN! YOURE MY FRIEND! IM HAPPY YOUR ALIVE! YOURE NOT A STAIN! YOURE IMPORTANT! YOU SHOULDNT LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR DEATH Y-You- you should be happy to be alive…

Aurorwren: *smiles and wraps his wings around him returning the hug* You make me happy I’m alive, Lucien…

[electrificata]

i think that an interesting facet of american society. is that the gigantic economic engine of the entertainment industry has created, in effect, a hypervisible untitled aristocracy (celebrities). and the main way of ENTERING this aristocracy is via looks and charisma. obviously money and connections play a role, but the thing that gets you into hollywood if you dont have money is...looks and charisma, and the thing that keeps you in front of the camera after your parents put you there initially is...looks and charisma. and COINCIDENTALLY looks and charisma are excellent ways to make the normals not hate you. you can indulge in the worst excesses of wealth in public and if you show a little leg or you have a little goofy je ne sais quois...its harder to get mad at you. and yeah, sure, we watch every day as famous people lose and win in small ways, as women and people of color (and men who put a foot wrong and dont have the connections to save themselves. thinking of brendan fraser.) get torn to shreds at the center of the panopticon, but that doesnt shatter the illusion that this could be you.

the idea is this: if you have that certain, nebulous Star Quality (so nebulous that you usually know when you have it but you also cant be completely sure when you DONT have it. because what if its waiting to emerge). anyway if you have it. you can ascend and become a like, viscount of calabasas or something. and you will be loved. and you will be defended. and you can take a private jet wherever you want and a lot of internet weirdos will defend you. and us exhausted and stressed and burned-out people outside the aristocracy, we do that defending in big and small ways, because a movie or tv show is the thing that makes us feel better after a long day of working a shitty job, or taking care of family with limited help, or searching for work in a brutal, inscrutable market.

and the people who are really fucking the world up can do that...well not completely out of sight, but with a hell of a lot less scrutiny than theyd get otherwise. and im not here to defend hollywood under-upperclass - taylor swift get rid of the fucking pj, brad pitt we all remember your dealings with weinstein. im just saying its an interesting way of harnessing a natural, intangible human resource like "charisma" and putting it on the political chessboard. we used to consider actors and artists almost as low-down on the social ladder as we do sex workers. then the duke fell from grace, and we put an actor in a nice doublet and pushed him out onstage to take his place.

[nahalism]

I love you. I visit your page daily. I wish you were mine, but you frequently make it clear how you are a free bird that can’t be held by the hand. I pay attention to all of your words. I look forward to every post. I read your lengthy passionate responses to your asks as if you were writing love letters to me. I love your words. I imagine you are looking at me with those captivating brown eyes every selfie you post. I wrote you a love letter, but I won’t send it because I want you to continue to be my muse. Most of my love letters have become balled up memories by the receiver. I don’t want this illusion to be shattered. Tomorrow isn’t promised, so I’m sending this before I go to sleep. Good night. Continue to be great.

❤︎₊ ⊹ʚ(◕‿‿◕)ɞ ₊⊹❤︎

heyyyyyy! im glad u got what you feel off of your chest (no day is promised fr). i wanna thank you for all the kind words and compliments <3

i have to be honest, its easy to idealise people (especially online where peoples lives are represented in a more one dimensional way), but the reality of who and what a person is is always more multifaceted, and so, different to that initial impression.. its nice to know you appreciate me and the facets of me i show here or wherever, but im not under any illusion (nor should you be), that your view of me is framed by multiple lenses that may not align to the reality of who i actually am

that being said, its highly likely you genuinely enjoy aspects of me but also highly likely you dont love me. yk?

😌 if it makes u happy to keep the illusion do, however im a friendly person and so if you want to talk as yourself mi deyaaa. sending my love 🖤

[thedawningofthehour]

While by this point I think everyone knows my stance towards Draxxum and how I want them to shatter his illusions in the cruelest way possible because of what he did to the boys, I can't ignore the fact that he has a point, and that if it weren't for him brainwashing my Otello von Ryan, I would be totally on his side.

Knowing you, with all the emphasis being put on the movement, i dont think this would be the kind of story that end with 'despite everything he had a point, oh well!Let's go back to the status quo!' it would be cool that once Donnie gets back to his family and has recovered from the brainwashing he continued with the movement, but this time as he proposed to Draxxum that time, eating the rich and empowering the workers with the help of his family. The only thing that worries me are the fascists and radicals that Galois promised to conquer the surface.

One of my favorites tropes is 'villain who has a fucking point.' I feel like that's a major thing in what makes a narrative compelling.

And in the interest of not making Draxum 'the radical who gets cancelled to make a point about centrism', he absolutely tried to do things the more 'moderate' way. Centrism is what drove him to this point. He didn't start off wanting to kill the humans. He wanted to avoid them. The humans started colonizing New York and drove the Yokai underground. He wanted to take control of the planet and save them from their own recklessness. He was told he couldn't do that. He wanted to mutate them all. The Council forbade him from doing so. The entire way he's losing people he cares about, watching innocent people suffer from problems he knows he could fix. What else is there at this point? It's either do the horrendous thing or wait and watch his people die. There is no longer room for moderation.

[ghost-proofbaby]

I am screaming from that last chapter!!! Damn that alcohol im just so sure that she wouldnt have pushed the conversation like that if she wasnt 4 drinks deep and shattered the illusion🥺 and i know objectively they gotta talk about the shit theyve been through with one another but they could have waited!! Idk they were having such a nice time😭😭😭 “romance is in the air my dudes” yessss and they (the gc) dont even know how close they were at the bar, the vulnerability, and the teasing and the flirting i cant

Im living for R noticing things in eddie she never had before, the dimples and his cologne!!! They are so soft (although they are so stubbornly overprotecting themselves with this harsh exteriors) and yesss protective eddie to the rescue!!!! I just want to know if they are gonna pretend none of that ever happened and go back to square one of insulting eachother but im sensing reader is not the type to let things go so im sure she’ll bring back that conversation again and hopefully both can finally listen to one another and then they can finally smooch🥰

oh that conversation is fully brought to us by liquid courage haha, she definitely wouldn't have asked that of him if she didn't have some, on top of asking it so genuinely. even if she played it off as no big deal, her reaction being so emotional was because she is genuinely curious. reader and eddie have never spent this long consecutively and interacting with each other since the first night they met, which was the night that r had wanted to be his friend, terribly so. (it's definitely something that'll be talked about more, along with steve's party haha)

and yes!!! i love watching her begin to learn eddie not just emotionally, but physically. it's always the mundane things, the soft things, that knick armor, isn't it? first you notice their dimples, or their laugh, or their cologne, and suddenly you're memorizing every scar from their childhood or the freckles on their back as they sleep beside you. gah. i'm a hopeless romantic. ignore me.

and i don't want to give too much away, but they certainly can't go back to square one after that. it's the beginning of a very long, very agonizing night for those two.

[magicalgirlpropaganda]

I have illustrated most of Claire's graphic novel (technically its both of ours but the plot is mainly her idea and her ocs)

GET YOUR ASS TO FRONTSPACE AND DRAW IT

It's not angsty and cringe enough for me, its a slowburn romance and it's dark but most of the dark parts are implied and so i dont actually get to draw any of it, which works better and i think makes it more sad but also its also a lot of drawing the same thing

Then again, i also don't want to draw a lot of what is implied anyways because the middle of the story has a lot of stuff that i purposely didn't show and just vaugley imply because it'd be too shocking and whole abuse thing is supposed to be going on behind the curtain is the entire point

But its supposed to be a slowburn which means i dont get to draw any of the really sad stuff until later. Im still at the fluffy "illusion hasnt been shattered yet and there is just foreshadowing" part

[adhominominon]

9/6/24

im not a religious person but sometimes i cant help but feel that someone out there has turned all the cards against me. i cant focus on anything at all, ever. i have so much to say but no one to talk to comfortably. i dont want to vent to my friends because theyre going through so much worse. i know its bad to compare pains with other people but i know theyd make light of it. the fact is, theres a painful sinkhole where my stomach should me. theres shit that weighs over my head, and its about to tip. i used to joke that there's bad luck coming to me sooner or later, but the mirror has broken. the illusion has shattered. i think my 7 years of bad luck began a long time ago.

[hitachiincest]

Thank you for your response <3

I also imagine them as switches, though I do lean to Kaohika more… it’s just that, when you see fanfictions and fanarts of them, in my case I was almost horrified— at the way people take the uke thing way too far (it’s just an act, and like you mentioned, even if Kao likes to be doted on, he doesn’t have to be ukefied to be like that) and the way he’s feminized just make me want to show that he can also take the lead/be in charge (even if mostly in private) like in ep. 15 ;; They also confirmed it themselves in the first volume, that while it seems that Hika takes the lead, it’s the more mature Kao that drives the action/is the same (depends on the translation), and it may sound personal, but I hate it when he’s made all feminine— like with his Cinderella metaphor (and Hika and Kao always cross dress together), or the fact he ACTS as the uke, and that was only by chance— because when they initially joined the host club, Kao accidentally burnt his finger for real, and Hika was holding him, genuinely concerned— and then they realized that the girls love it so that’s how the act started in the first place.

oh, yea i remember back when id read a bunch of fics of them after my anime rewatch a few yrs back i was like oh thats.. hm,, ;;; cuz id found a few where kaoru was a bit Too uwu uke iirc tho quite a few of them were p old & from when that was the Norm so i just accepted that some fics were products of the times &/or written by younger fans, as lets face it ouran was & still probably is 1 of the entry level animes. i actually dont consume all that much content of them tho (i only read fics Occasionally [this goes for all fandoms] & theres not much art for them in the eng sphere & i dont follow/kno any jp ouran accs on twitter or use pixiv) so that combined w my bad memory of what i Hav seen means im a bit Unknowing of most fanon for them.. lmao... i figured most of the stuff like that was mostly left behind as of a few yrs ago but perhaps not..?

I can't speak much for the feminizing thing bc I can't recall too many fanworks ive read where that was an issue iirc? tho tbf I can't remember much of what I've read at all bc tht was Yrs ago rip sry ;; I Do think they should be portrayed crossdressing Together more often! it'd be cute; let hikaru be in a cute dress too (I may be biased on everything tho I'm a femboy liker thru & thru lol so I'm like more boys in dresses?? Epic im in lol) softer=fem clothes? False- in this house it doesn't matter the boy type; Get In The Dress lol.

but yeah that doesn't mean he's constantly like that... a princess roleplay or 2 or letting hikaru take care of him, maybe, not unlike ppl w rp aspects to their relationships (like how brats aren't brats Always! time & place, etc etc. someone choosing to be bratty in private doesnt mean theyre gonna act like that 24/7) but it's a little sad if people reduce him to his act all the time...

I don't think I mind ppl playing w the princess thing tho considering it Is a part of his chara, but the whole thing was supposed to focus more on the magic of an illusion shattering eventually & losing what he has not quite a princess & prince... ;; but he Was almost/p much comparing himself to a princess' story & when the magic breaks & he's metaphorically left in his simple flats & princeless instead of the lavish life he had at "the ball" [cinderella metaphor. there is no ball, im aware] so it can't be helped if ppl like the princess association i guess.. give ppl an inch & theyll go a mile, & all that. & honestly w hikaru "saving" [ep 15]/"finding" [ep 21] kaoru twice in canon, it doesn't surprise me if they imagine hikaru as his prince & kaoru the princess since while the metaphor was more abt the whole host club not jus hikaru, hikaru was also a big part of it, as the eps focusing on it display his longing looks at his brother & such, w a fesr of losing Him the most. so long as ppl don't Reduce him to his feminine metaphor 100%, i guess. tis only a small part after all, not a loadbearing one. the angst is more the important bit lmao give him a masc cinderella outfit, even. (altho... the allure of a bishie in a dress... Very Enticing to most I'm afraid)

him always having to be the uke role thing in their host act is kind of out of the fans control bc that's canon... if he's content w his act of being that way, then power to him I guess! he himself might also like that in public he's all uwu kyaaa hikaru <3 while at home it's Hikaru who's nuzzling into his throat. a smug sort of feeling, ya know? that only he gets to see hikaru like that, not everyone else.

WAIT actually as I was typing this I remembered some scene from thee movie shoot ep [ep 4, apparently] where they mentioned 1 of them being the receiver or w/e (bc sports) & it was apparently hikaru annoyedly asking why kaorus the seme in the script w their changed charas (hikaru being all "KAORUU OAO" & kaoru gently reassuring him, which is like their actual dynamic instead) w kaoru replying in a similar manner going "yeah >:T"

which implies either he Likes/is fine w his uke role or at least doesn't think the fangirls would like them switching up & wants the status quo to stay the same just in case. I think if he did mind he wouldntve said anything? or even suggested to hikaru that switching up provides something fresh & "it's still doki doki twincest, hikaru~ these girls have a refined taste; they might just take a liking to gap moe ^^"

but those r the 2 charas theyve allowed to be chosen for themselves, in a way, & theyre like yea this is alright. rhey prov have an "if it aint broke dont fix it" mentality & since the girls expect the typical, they see nonreason to deviate. the twins are capable of speaking out- theyd prob speak up if they minded. also, kaoru might kno that hikaru might not want to be seen as vulnerable [ep 16 comes to mind tho that had more to do w circumstances going on at the time] so kaoru takes that upon himself & bears that burden upon his perceived character [as in the way one is seen, not his host club persona] so hikaru won't mind as much? idk im going off on a tangent I feel but I think the thing w "kaoru Having to be the public uke" isn't all that bad since he himself seems fine w playing around w that character. maybe one day they'll switch it up for fun. (not Literally, as technically they could have hikaru play as kaoru but it would still be seen as "kaoru", but I mean For Reals have hikaru as the uke)

in conclusion... to the fandom: pls accept soft dom kaoru into ur hearts & rewatch the twins' eps w fresh eyes I guess. love, @/hitachiincest & @/zyrellla (ghsnkmj lolol)

[mordcore]

i see yall talk about wanting to be "special" and while im not sure what that means i think i now know that i want to get away from the concept.

i grew up being "special" and it didnt do me any good. my self worth rested on it and it was shattered when the illusion eventually broke away. i dont wanna go back.

still, its hard to navigate building self worth with being just some guy, because it means i need a wholly different approach than before. i can no longer have worth because of some accomplishment or skill. it must just be innate. no matter what.

it also means i have to give up on saving the world and just hang back and hope it saves itself. i think special means being better than normal people. but i am just a normal people. everyone is, no one is better than anyone, and no one knows what they're doing. some people are better at fooling others and themselves (case study: elon musk pre fall from grace) but crucially there are no adults and no one has any clue.

so yeah do away with that category and learn to be just some guy. also upside of not being better than anyone else: you have peers now. anyone could be your peer.

[ahmedalys-blog]

True

How to pray to God and I shared it with another employer, the owner of how each Xi

I'm sure I am in prayer that God is a god but Ahdla

Yes

This is the difference between Islam and Christianity Ante you have made with God partner and Born

The truth is that God is one and has no partner

I dont to argue about religion pls. I know Islam is good...only people are bad same as the Christian. Some are good some are bad

ok

It is important for people not even Auntie must change yourself

Thank you for understanding... but if my environment surrounded by muslims... im sure i am one of them

God claimed to be a one of them

It is important to be a Muslim Ante united to God

But my only comment is some Christians convert to Islam just because want to marry again onother woman..so he is excused from adulery

Because of polygamy

I ask clarification

Polygamy - When someone “pops the question”, he is normally knelt on one knee, the paradigm of a prince charming. The illusion is shattered when the proposal is not solely performed to one woman, but many. Then, it is not just one bride. It is one of an array of brides. Polygamy, obviously, still exists today. Though no religion mandates it, and it is, in fact, illegal in the United States, it is still a realized phenomenon. Popular occidental culture has veered away from this marriage style. Now a day, a typical westerner prefers monogamy.... [tags: Plural Marriage]

Polygynous marriages can be distinguished between sororal polygyny, in which the co-wives are sisters, and non-sororal, where the co-wives are not related. For men, the benefits of polygyny are that it allows them to have more children, may provide them with more productive workers (where workers are family), and allows them to establish politically useful ties with a greater number of kin groups. Polygyny is also associated with a greater age gap between husbands and wives, as men must marry younger girls for their second wives; this leaves younger men without wives for longer periods.

Confusing

Possible to speak Alascay after half an hour

Ok

[matrixwhore]

the scene opens on a frame of the fire and a burning body.

noooowwwwww. dont come at me crazy behind this.  i am someone who resonated with what happened here. i was someone who learned the hard way cis men dont need the security and secrecy of a private home to show you nightmares. they can be walking monsters out in the open. and it really drove home that the rules are very different for them. when i left home and went out in the world just like claudia. i thought leaving home was all i needed and i wasn’t prepared for any of what came at me. so i feel for claudia. i don’t think it was bad writing just because it was added at all or where they did this to make her stronger. im not even sure i would say this made her stronger more than it made her incredibly hyper vigilant. she was already observant, but she never lets her guard down again especially after what happens when she comes home, which is why she picked up on lestat turning antoinette. it made her mind tunnel vision on murder to the point where she lost sight of whats true about louis and that was the fatal flaw in her plan. 

more than anything it added to her wanting to kill the man (lestat who she likens killer to) that crushed her illusion of heaven and introduce her to this nonlife in hell with demons that she had to become and depend on and fear endlessly. like i have to wonder what that does to a person. to believe you’ve died and gone to heaven only to fully wake up and realize you’re in a worse hell. bc she lived in a hell already and then the fires of that hell took everything she knew in life and she did succumb to her imminent death so she probably did think heaven was next. she thought she was free of it. so what does that do to embrace death and to know heaven was snatched from you? that there is no rest in peace for you and you inherited damnation and you didn't do anything to deserve the eternal suffering you’re being made to endure but you have to endure it. if you get me started on my thoughts on this irt heaven and buffy i will just start barking. yall say she came back wrong i say she should have come back worse and she’d be right

what do you do when the world around you insists you be a monster when all you want to be is a woman. what can you do but lick the flames they would have burn and consume you back and become a dragon. so the next time they allow you to say your peace you set everything ablaze with your fury and remind them they denied you ever knowing peace.

claudia’s living hell was a mother who died and a father who abandoned her with an aunt who abused her. growing up poor in the jim crow south with no prospects and no way out. her hopes and illusion of seeing heaven was shattered by the worse hell filled with damned men conditioning the care they show her with what they feel entitled to take from her. doomed to never really grow up but simply to exist always in stasis and in proximity to wealth with no real access to it and no way out. dying too young and never living and never staying dead and always in pieces and always being shuffled around and placed and never seen as a whole anything. not even outside of her cage. she doesn’t get gentle. she doesn’t get easy love. she doesn’t get companionships without horrifying power imbalances. it was right there in the “who’s gonna fuck me scene” and they never addressed it bc it was sidelined by lestat’s infidelity. by the relationship that takes precedent over everything. over helping her learn to be in this way not that they could. she is theee immortal tragedy amongst them even in death.

she’s has faults that make sense for what she is. a child vampire. so how much can you hold against her. she is not in any position to ever be able to properly cope or reach an emotional maturity. she is turned into a forever victim whose only outlet was to kill with impunity—so she doesn’t get empathy either.

breaking her leg was a call back to louis breaking the wing of the bird and lestat calling her one. it was breaking her ability to fly the coup, and live free of their gothic house of lies. so they pluck her feathers fine. she’ll learn to see the scars as scales and become a worse monster than they ever imagined. one you shouldn’t ever underestimate. idk that this was a weak narrative to make her stronger or whatever it was that rolin was getting at in that after interview. to me it fed her understanding that some things can only be stopped with the only dark gift she can give. death in finality. i know the fucking feeling

iwtv ep 5 rewatch thoughts

opening with the scene within which i have built a home and become a permanent resident. right here in the moment rashmand smiles stupidly and louis slonks (🤭) every last drop of his blood. how anyone thinks they’re boring idk idk idk

they are being clear here that this isn’t consumption for the sake of sustenance. this is bloodletting as sex play and as power play. Danny is not having dinner. so its clear that this isn’t feeding as a meal but it is feeding as sexual exhibition at its most delicious. Danny is reading about claudia’s violent acts via the written recording of her victim’s last words while loumand basically vampire fuck at the other end of the table. this is also setting up the sexual violence to come for claudia and also for louis.

i think it is intentional that louis is the one feeding from armand for several reasons. one being because of what lestat does to him, which we see later on. this is power play for louis in a setting where he has voluntarily and possibly in some aspects dubiously relinquished control over to his lover armand. also bc of the connection between daniel and armand. they are revealing rashid as armand slowly here and his and louis’ involvement with daniel in the past. Daniel isn’t dumb. they know he can figure out the inconsistencies of louis drinking from armand and louis drinking from damek. this leads to daniels curiosity about how armand tastes like and his weight and louis puts daniel’s hidden attraction out on display against his wishes to throw him off. and daniel orders rashid around to take back some power.

i also think it’s a call back to the power dynamic of their first meeting. louis has power over daniel, and it seems he’s the one in control of the entire situation but then he checks in with armand before moving forward. in this moment in the present dubai 2020 setting louis has power over daniel (regardless of him no longer being that naive young man) and he plays the role of the one with the power over rashid, but the power he is receiving is from armands 500+ year old blood that he is offering to louis as the character he is playing. lord take me.

i think it’s interesting that daniel is feasting on claudia’s private memories but objects to louis reading and exposing his personal thoughts. even tho louis has shown time and again that he does that and would do it again. choices/consent is the big issue in this episode.

Daniel: man with green vest: please no. man with fat fingers: please stop. window washer: i can’t die like this. woman with purple shoes: please. boy with inner tube and dog: let my dog live. please no. please stop. stop. oh here’s a good one—man in the last row of The Son of Sheik picture show: You said you had cigarettes.

this is the first recounts we hear him read from claudia’s journal—claudia, who did not get a say in whether her voice and story be used by louis, armand and daniel in this way. He reads this and it’s clear that he [daniel] hadn’t actually consented to being the voyeur of loumand’s sex play given his visible discomfort/agitation. He continues anyways, trying his best to focus on the task at hand and not his bisexual longing for the men at the other end of the table bc even with everything he is reading and witnessing he is still attracted to them in all their insanity and monstrosity.

im interested in the fact that he pointedly reads out (“here’s a good one”) the misleading nature of the last one. “You said you had cigarettes.” i think it speaks to the fact that daniel came here to dubai for a supposed second interview and is slowly but surely realizing he is getting something else entirely. he continues “School teacher, guard your heart. i’m trying to think of something more fucked up than this.” he could be just talking about what claudia has written, but i think it’s also the fact that this is the section of his reading that loumand have chosen to be overtly sexual in front of him for as he reads. all this and he doesn’t even know yet of rashid being armand and his role in claudia’s death, though i’m sure he’s having suspicions of everything by now. also that louis, with being faced with the piece of claudia he doesn’t like to acknowledge, the monstrosity of her vampire nature, focuses of drinking from armand the man who killed his beloved daughter (something he said about “i run to the bottle” etc. etc). it does in fact get more fucked up danny.

and when armand implies that daniel is no better by revealing the danger it poses on louis and exposing louis’ suicidality without his permission (“he lives to share these opinions even when they are not solicited”) and revealing he doesn’t even want this book to happen, louis fights back by leaning into his power over daniel and exposing his thoughts about armand, and continues to, even when danny makes it clear his thoughts were not being voluntarily shared—that he did not want louis in his mind at all. he even interrupts rashmand in the middle of telling daniel he wouldn’t let him near his neck to offer up more information abt rashid (much to armands annoyance) that clearly isn’t even true after reading daniel’s mind again when daniel just explicitly told him not to. and when louis does that daniel fights back by leaning into his perceived power over rashid—louis’ servant—by demanding more of something to drink without even looking at him. and at this armand picks up his lil ipad and leaves without even picking up daniel’s glass, being the one who is actually the most powerful in the room. this is crazy. this is actually insane.

all this and armand is the one who killed claudia!!!! the only one who doesn’t get to fight back against her agency being taken from her in this scene!!! i’m going to fucking throw up. who is bored with them!? they are literally putting on thee insane sexy bdsm emo freaks show like…

“ The Son of Sheik” also alludes to the upcoming sexual assault btw. It’s a sequel to “The Sheik” where the protagonist is the son of the sheik in the first film who falls in love with a traveling dancer Yasmine. He rapes her out of retaliation for having been kidnapped and later whipped, which he believes to be her fault bc she is falsely accused of it. like in this episode and like claudia, yasmine’s rape is strongly implied in the movie with the use of pointed language and a scene cut.

this scene closes out with daniel pointing out he can’t get to accurate statistics of claudia’s murders to corroborate her accounts whether he thinks its more or less than what she recounts im unsure. louis points out that he wouldn’t be able to get an accurate account anyways bc of their disposal practices and how cities tend to downplay the dangers within them. daniel wanting all the details and louis making it clear he will have to accept that he can’t always have all the details will be a point of contention later on as we know.