#because they are so involved in and warm towards the community already

[moonlightsapphic]

.........i’m totally normal about edvin ryding

[urfavlarry]

A Light That Never Goes Out

Joost Klein x reader

summary: you and Joost are both competing in eurovision, you representing {your country} and Joost representing the Netherlands. When Joost gets disqualified you’re both devastated, but you decide to defend your dear partner once you get to the finals.

A/N: first joost klein fanfic, need your honest opinions :,) hope you enjoy tho💙 and dont be afraid to request something joost klein x reader, requests are currently open!

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Eurovision Song Contest

@Eurovision

We are currently investigating an incident involving the dutch artist. He will not be rehearsing until further notice.

Liked by joostsbeloved, eurovision.lover and 1,482,794 others

@joostswifeyy1 and 402K people commentsd

user210651: WHAT?? WTF HAPPENED

aikoswife: oo drama :0

lorelaixx: eurovision 2024 is so wild

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You looked at the post, shocked, disappointed.. angry? You didn’t know what emotions you were feeling but your first priority was currently Joost. The poor mans feelings and dreams were crushed, his cheerful and bright persona was now forced, and it was more dull than ever. You felt bad for your best friend, the one you started this whole journey with. You met wonderful people, made new memories, and all of it was now thrown away because Joost protected himself from unwanted media. It was unfair, it was quite literally pathetic how the EBU reacted. They shouldn’t be punishing Joost, yet here they were, not letting him rehearse. You walked to Joosts hotel room, things that you thought would cheer him up in hand. You knock softly on the door, loud enough so he could hear, waiting patiently outside the door.

Footsteps could be heard from behind the door a few seconds later the door got opened, revealing a very tired and not so happy looking Joost. He let you in, closing the door behind him as you set the stuff down. You walk over to him and open your arms for a hug, quickly getting tackled into a bear hug. “Mm..s’not fair..” He says, slurring his words as he started to sniffle softly. You pat his back, offering him some comforting words and assurances, trying to cheer him up as best as you could. “Shh.. It’s alright.. you don’t know how proud of you everyone is for coming this far.” He picks you up, walking to his bed and lays down with you, lying down on top of you. “I just failed everyone, I failed my people.” He says and you shush him, playing with his hair. “Hey! Listen to me now.” You say, lifting his head up so he would look at you. “You did not fail anyone. You have a whole community supporting you, so don’t you ever doubt yourself. You did nothing to harm someone, you’re a kind, lovely soul who people cherish.” You say, making him smile softly. He cupped your cheek and kissed you on the lips. It was short, but sweet making your stomach erupt with butterflies.

The next day felt grueling. You barely got up and got ready to go back to arena. You were excited to see all those familiar faces, but it felt forced since you now knew Joost wouldn’t be there by your side for all of it. You walked with Joost, hand in hand trying to talk about random topics like you usually did when you saw a hoard of fans. “We should get out of here.” You say, squeezing his hand. “Oh, but why?” He says, looking towards the crowd who was already standing in line to get in the Arena. Joost was always the social butterfly, you trying your best to not interact with crowds this big, not feeling safe since you didn’t really have a guard with you 24/7. You walk with him, letting him charm the crowd like usual all the fans going crazy. You took some pictures with the fans as well, signing things.. someone even asking you to draw a tattoo for them which you gladly did. Everyone was shouting things like ‘justice for Joost’ or ‘We love you Joost.’ Which warmed your heart knowing people support him, Joosts smile not going unnoticed by you. You walk with him inside the arena when some annoying interviewer had the nerve to comment about his disqualification, in a bad way. You had {your countries name} flag with you, which you used to cover him while you walked to the elevator. You mumble swears in your language, cussing the interviewer out like a mad person. Joost pulled you closer by the waist, planting a quick kiss to your forehead “Ik hou van jou.” (I love you)

After long exhausting hours, listening to the most talented people perform on stage, you go on after Bambie. An idea pops up in your head, smiling mischievously. Joost left already, watching from home since he thought it would be best if he wasn’t here when the incident was fresh. You walk on stage, about 20 or more people rapidly cleaning and getting the props and just everything ready for your performance. You waved at some fans and blew air kisses when the lights dimmed, which meant the cameras were now rolling and it was your time to shine. You pour your heart and passion for music out, the last words of the song slipping from your tongue and you finish it off with one last pose.

Everyone cheers for you, you suddenly take out the Netherlands flag, the words justice for Joost written in black paint on it. You wave it around and you hear cheering, of course some booing as well. You smile one last time before getting off stage, Bambie running up to you to give you a hug. Marina hugged you too, complimenting your performance before rushing on stage since it was her turn to go. “That’s gonna be everywhere babe, good luck.” Bambie says and you nod, joking about it with them. “Well shit, I don’t care if I get disqualified it needed to be said. I don’t even know how I managed to sneak that on stage haha.” You chat for a bit more before heading to a quieter place in the arena. You sat down on the floor, back against a wall as you open your messages to see Apson, and even Stuntje sending you videos. They knew about your little shenanigan and decided to record Joosts reaction.

They were all in Joosts hotel room, Joost cheerinf you on and singing along in your song. You chuckles softly as he mumbled some of the words since he didn’t really speak much of your language. When the song comes to an end he starts to cheer; “That’s my girl!” He screams, jumping up and down and clapping for you. “He’s definitely getting noise complaints.” You think to yourself, smiling at the screen. The TV shows you with the flag only for a few seconds since they tried to hide it as best as possible, but the ultimately failed since it was there for a good five seconds. Joost looked surprised, Apson cheering and Joost looks at him. “Wist u hiervan?” (did you know about this?) “Ja, Ja.” (yes, yes) He says and you see Apson smiling from Stuntjes point of view. The video gets cut off after a few more seconds, Joost visibly emotional so they most likely decided pointing a camera in his face wasn’t a good idea.

{‘My love’ in your language}

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Y/N

Y/N

Y/N

Whatshaiaidhsjja

you’re literally crazy but i still love u

is everything okay?

did they do anything to u?

ik hou zo veel van je schat ���

sent 11:09pm

I’m alright love, see u soon ❤️

read 7 minutes ago

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You decided to watch the others perform, vibing with Bambie to songs and dance with them. After everyone finishes their song, you all go with your own team, the jury votes about to be announced. You blow an air kiss to Bambie and walk with your team, hyping everyone up. You didn’t expect to win, not after the stunt you pulled but you supported your friends to the very end. The final jury votes were given to Nemo by Sweden, you cheered for them since they really deserved the points. Their song was incredible and their vocals were angelic. You snap put of your thoughts, now the public would be able to vote. You would lie if you said you payed attention the whole time, zoning out almost every few minutes.

It was now between Croatia and Switzerland, your bet was on Nemo even though Croatia also did an amazing job. The atmosphere was tense, the silence being a bit more awkward than you liked, just hoping to get this all over with. You hear cheering, looking towards Nemo who looked like a beam of sunshine. You clapped, cheering your dear friend on and sing along to his performance.

It was done. Months of work and stress was finally over. You get a ride to your hotel with your team, scrolling through the hundreds of photos and videos from this wonderful experience. You saw a new place for the first time; Malmö which you were forever grateful for but you couldn’t wait to go back home to Amsterdam with Joost. Your movements were sluggish, your team laughing and joking about it. You chuckle along with them and wave goodbye to them as you all your separate ways to your hotel rooms. You on the other hand were walking to another room. You knock softly, the seconds feeling like hours when you don’t even register the door getting opened and get spinned around. You giggle like a 12 year old girl, Joost putting you down and kissing your soft lips. He closed the door behind him, walking with you to the bed slowly so you don’t fall since he refused to pull away from the kiss. He sits down with you and brings you into his lap. You finally pull away and he looks at you, love struck.

“When did you manage to get the flag you troublemaker?” He jokes and kisses your jaw, going down to your collar bone. “That my love, is a secret.” You say and he groans, lying down with you. “Doesn’t matter anymore.. You don’t know how much you made my day.” He says and peppers your face with kisses. You giggle softly, having to pull him away so he would stop. “Joost that tickles.” You say and he holds you tighter, burying his face in your hair. “You’re the light I needed in my life.”

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!! Do not copy or repost any of my posts on different platforms !!

[estesphantom]

could you maybe please do a oneshot when price gets home from a long, torturous deployment and all he wants when he gets home is to see his girl? thank you este <3

Home Sweet Home | John Price x Reader

Summary: John gets home from a tiring mission and all he wants is to see your beautiful face and a warm shower with you.

Warnings: mentions of depression, warfare, extremely fluffy, reader has feminine pronouns, not entirely proofread (I got too excited), lots of descriptions

A/N: Thanks for the request. I loved this idea. I love taking suggestions!! They’re open if you’d like to request one. :)

———————

You hadn’t heard from your fiancé in days. He was a busy man, of course, being a Captain of a task force he had willed to be and his job required him to be out on deployments for months at a time. Not being involved in the military, you weren’t too sure of what he did during deployments and he wasn’t one for talking when it came to discussing his missions. You’d never pry — you saw his drained face whenever he’d step into the door after a mission, the color would always be drained unlike the days before he had left.

He never let you read the mission reports or hear much about the gruesome things that had been done. You knew he meant well. Some people needed to get their hands dirty so the rest of the world’s can stay clean. Never once had you had a doubt of John being a good man with good intentions. You weren’t naive; you knew he had killed people and went to gruesome lengths to get missions done, but deep down, you knew he was saving the world.

So, for that, you’d show your appreciation by keeping the home tidy and his face full with lipstick marks and lipgloss. He adored you more than you could ever know and spoiled you like you could never run out of things to buy. You were the perfect couple. Distance only makes the heart grow fonder, which probably was the reason as to why you two love each other so much.

Communication wasn’t something that you and John could achieve so easily when he was on deployments. He was always busy or at a place that had no connection at all, so you were often left to your own devices while he was out there changing the world. But, you knew what you were getting in to the moment you got engaged. You couldn’t blame this on him.

So, you could only imagine the agony you dealt with while awaiting you fiancé’s arrival. The moment he’d open the door and swoop you into his large arms, spinning you around and peppering your face in kisses. You could only knit blankets and read many pages of a long and unfulfilling book before you found yourself staring at John’s cold side of the bed.

It was four weeks into John’s deployment and you weren’t taking it the best. What could you say? He was your soulmate. You couldn’t help but worry sick for your lover and only hope he could return as soon as possible. Midnights were always hell for you because of the loneliness it ensured. Your body would toss and turn in bed before it found itself cuddling a pillow in place of him. This time around, you were fed up with tossing and turning and decided to get a break from your bed and stumble downstairs for a cold glass of milk and a rice krispie.

Your eyes were heavy as metal while the cold milk poured into the glass cup. The night was silent and all that could be heard in your house was the ice dispenser working in your refrigerator. You shoved the milk carton into your fridge and lumbered over towards your couch to enjoy your milk and rice krispie while you stare off into the distance with not a thought behind your eyes, thanks to the drowsiness.

Mid crunch in and you had already settled into a serene calm while you wondered what John was up to. Your loud chewing came to a halt while you heard an engine outside of your house. You swallowed hard. Immediately you had bolted up from your couch to look outside of your window to see John’s car in the driveway. You were sent into a frenzy.

Your body immediately stepped over to the door and unlocked it to find John lumbering his duffle bags tiredly. Your heart skipped a beat as you contemplated yelling out to him. He might have been sensitive to yelling at the moment considering he just came back from unpleasant warfare.

As he stepped closer, he looked up to see your face. For a split moment before he realized it was you, his face looked tortured, tired, and rugged. He’d been through a lot. His face when he saw you was the complete opposite. Though it had twinges of pain in it, there was nothing but relief in his eyes as he approached the door and you squealed out, running up and jumping after he dropped his duffles down.

“Careful, doll,” he chuckles deeply as his large hands cup your bottom. He smelled musky, a hint of gunpowder and metal.

You could feel his deep exhale of relief as he wouldn’t let go of you as if it were the last time he could hug you like that. Not a complaint was uttered out of your lips as you let him hold you for as long as he wanted.

“I missed you way too much,” you smile as he gently lets you down and his hand cups your face to feel if you were real. To him, you were an angel from above coming to save him and bring him to eternal heaven where you could be together forever.

“I’m dirty, baby,” he chuckles, moving pulling away a hand that you tried to kiss. “‘need a shower. You free?” he teased, playing with the hemline of your pajama tee. You giggled at his cheekiness and took his hand to lead him to your shared bathroom.

The shower wasn’t what it usually would be; excitement, lust, steamy. John wanted to engulf himself in your presence and hold onto it like it would slip away if he let go ever so slightly. The way he looked at you while the water trickled down the both of your faces made you want to discover a way to get rid of every ounce of pain he held.

His eyes looked at you as if you were the sun after a rainy day. Longing, happy, safe. He felt safe with you. He didn’t have to remind himself to look out for bullets, to watch his six, to keep track of his men. He was just safe. His soon to be wife was here with him after he had seen nothing but cruelty and blood for four weeks straight and he was ready to do nothing but relax with you.

“You don’t know a fraction of how much I missed you,” he tells you as you rub his face with a facial wash soap. His eyes were almost sunken in as he tells you this. You kiss his nose.

“You can tell me all about it when you’re well rested, okay? We can have breakfast in bed and everything,” you comfort him lovingly as he is slowly breaking out of his flight-or-fight shell he forces himself into to survive.

He nods and kisses the top of your head, “I love you more than you’ll ever know.” His thumb rubs the washed off mascara from your eyelids.

To some people, he might’ve sounded like a sad, broken record. Or maybe even a love-sick puppy. And he might have been. But, to you, this was all you wanted. You stayed up until dawn some nights thinking about John and how poor his life may be whenever he’s out in the field all alone with no one to genuinely talk to about his feelings and sorrows.

Then, he comes home to you, and is able to be comfortable.

[noxi3xe]

Unfortunate turn of events

AFAB reader x Pantalone - NSFW (Minors DNI) Synopsys: You're in a tough spot and have terrible luck with finding jobs. Whatever might happen once you apply for a job at the Northland bank?

Warnings: Smut, Porn /w plot, public sex, hair pulling, overall just a quick smut scene w some plot

Words: 3.5K

Author's note:

This is also posted on AO3 HERE!!

this is a quick fic I wrote while bored, the *smut* scene is short and awkward so I apologize, but still enjoy!!

Minors dni!!

｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

»I— I'll fix it.. I swear!«

I beg and plead as the shop owner shoves me out the door. I was a good employee, I really was, I always tried my best and always put my everything into every shift. I slump down against the door and begin to sob. This job was barely enough to cover for monthly food rations.. and aside from food I needed to fix up my house and save up for new clothes. I was going to even look for a second job to cover all of my expenses but now I don't have anything! I do not even know what triggered that immediate reaction, I mean, firing me on the spot? After breaking a simple vase that the shop manager bought just a week ago? From what I overheard it wasn't even expensive!

I stand up slowly and make my way back home, head hung low in defeat. I wasn't sure what to do now, I mean.. I've got to find a job, sure, but that was harder done than said nowadays, especially at this time of the year. Snezhnaya was a cold country all year round but winters were especially harsh. I wonder how I'd survive this year, I mean my roof is busted, my water supply is running low due to my pipes freezing up thanks to my broken heating system and not to mention that one of my windows cracked. With no heating, cracked windows and a part missing roof my house was as cold as the outside and I was barely surviving. I wasn't sure what to do till I saw freshly hung posters in the town square as I passed.

'Looking for hire.'

They said, and I stepped closer, considering the idea without even checking for the publisher. I'm glad I did because my eyes almost jumped out of my skull. It would've been a death sentence to join the Fatui and there's no way I'd even consider taking up this job offer, even if my life depends on it. The Northland bank is looking for hire? Yeah no thanks..

I stumble along and head home, hugging myself tightly, already missing my warm.. well.. as warm as it can get, blanket.

________

I stare at the dry piece of bread and the already lukewarm coffee set before me on the table. Everyday is getting harder and I don't know if I'll have enough money to buy food for next week. I lean forward and rest my head into my palms, sighing loudly. I don't know what else to do, I cannot find a job and donations from doing community service aren't enough. It's getting colder each day and I have a feeling I'll freeze if I don't get my house fixed up. That's when I decide that enough is enough and stand up, grabbing my coat.

I step out into the cold and begin to venture downtown, ready to start my search. I couldn't continue on like this knowing I'll eventually starve without a stable income. I knew I'd have to get up and start looking this morning when I found another window cracked.

—

I shuffle through the thick snow, snow slowly falling from the sky. It's a beautiful sight, the sun rising behind the parting clouds coloring the sky a bright gray-orange-blue-ish color. It was barely 6:30 in the morning and I was already threading through the city, heading towards the commission's guild, knowing I could make a quick buck or two there. Then I'd head towards the community board in the city center at around 9 to check for any new posters. The idea was great and It worked out perfectly.. to a degree.

I stopped by The adventurers guild like I said I would, greeting Katheryne and wishing her a wonderful morning. I accepted two out of three commissions offered to me, seeing as the third involved fighting some Hilichurls and I wasn't very skilled with weapons. I barely used my Pryo vision and even that was when I needed a source of heat, having no other use for the darn thing. The other two commissions were the delivery type. Ivanka, a widow living on the outskirts of the city required a fresh batch of groceries delivered and Jasmine, a local florist required some fresh soil that needed to be picked up from the dock and delivered to her straight. The commissions didn't take long and I was done very quickly, before the clock even struck 9.

I made my way back towards the Adventurer's guild, waving towards Katheryne from a far.

»I'm back!«

I exclaim excitedly. Katheryne offers me a bright smile, opening her mouth to speak.

»Thank you for completing Today's commissions. Here is your reward.«

I grab the pouch she holds out to me and flinch due to it's weight.

»A-Ah! Thank you!«

I grin and straighten a little then look around. People were beginning to wake up, go about their day and open up shops. I turn back to Katheryne and stare at her for a second then ask.

»Do you know if anybody's offering jobs of any kind for a little income?«

She thinks for a second then nods, giving me a reassuring smile.

»Well I believe the Northland bank is still searching! Best of luck if you do choose to give it a try!«

I freeze and look around. The Northland bank? Still? It's been a week and the spot hasn't been filled yet? There's no way I'd even get the job if no other has been able to in the past week! Still I believe there's no other choice I have.. Katheryne would've mentioned it if there were any other job offers available but I doubt there is since she hasn't mentioned anything. I slowly make my way towards the plaza hoping and praying to the Tsaritsa and any Celestial force that might hear my prayers to bless me with a job that is NOT working at the Northland bank.

I round the corner, passing by the local bakery and spot a younger girl standing by the notice board, either taking something off or nailing a poster to the board, I wasn't sure. I approach her slowly before making my presence known as to not startle her.

»Hey! Morning..«

I say and she turns around to look at me then offers me a friendly smile.

»Mornin'«

I now stand next to her and look over at the board confirming my suspicions. She indeed was taking a poster off, the one for the local flower shop. I tried applying for a simple cashier job there but I was too late and the place was taken before I could even ask about the offer. I sigh, spotting the last job poster on the board and my heartbeat speeds up a bit. I groan and the lady looks over at me, worriedly.

»You alright, ma'am?«

She asks and I nod, apologizing.

»Indeed, I apologize, I'm just having terrible luck looking for a job.«

She hums, nodding.

»Good luck, hey the Northland bank seems to still have an open spot? Considered checking it out?«

»I have but I doubt it's smart to get involved with the Fatui..«

»That is true.. well best of luck!«

She wishes me a good day and I return the kind words, watching her disappear around the block. I stare at the board. Town info, news reports, missing person posters, the board was filled with crap like that yet no job offers. I snatch the Northland bank poster, ripping it off and turn towards home, deciding that perhaps this was my last chance. I'll put on my best clothes and warmest smile and hope for the best.

_____

I stand before the large doors, shuddering at the thought that if luck's on my side today there might just be a chance I'd have to pass them every day. I take a moment to collect myself then slowly push the pine doors open, taking my first step inside. The warmth hits me in the face immediately and I stop for a moment, taking in the warm air and sweet smell. The Bank smells like a bakery would and it isn't as loud as one would think. People are speaking in hushed tones and keeping to themselves, not one dares to speak up. The place is clean, and I mean clean. Even the plants look perfect!

I step up to the front desk and the secretary looks up from the papers, giving me a warm smile.

»Good afternoon! How may I help you?«

She asks in a tone so cheery I didn't think was possible.  I look around for a brief moment then back to her, forcing myself to return the gesture.

»I heard you were offering a job?«

Her cheery facade drops and she stares at me, dumbfounded. I wasn't sure whether she was about to laugh seeing as somebody like me was definitely not fit to work in a bank, or because I was ballsy enough to actually show up to the bank without hesitation and ask about the job? I mean the poster was up for a long while therefore I'm guessing nobody realllllyyy wanted to even think about taking up the offer.

»M-Ma'am?«

I stutter and freeze up when she suddenly snaps out of whatever trance she was in and her warm smile returns.

»A-Apologies..! Come with me!«

She doesn't ask for my information, for even my name nor what the job would be other than working behind a desk! She just asks me to follow after her and seeing as I hold no authority over her I do not really have the right to stop her and ask her pointless questions that have a chance of getting answered even after I follow her.

We make our way up a looped staircase onto the first floor which is connected to a balcony that overlooks the bank. Every millimeter of the bank walls is covered in golden and wooden details, gems and crystals of different kinds. Even the floor looks expensive and neatly polished. I heard that the maids get paid quite a lot and they don't have to deal with customers or any of the Fatui officials therefore I wonder how much I will get paid for doing both! I could salivate at the thought of how well I'll fix up my little house with the hard earned money but I decided to push those thoughts away seeing as there's a chance I'll jinx myself and not get the job if I think about it too hard. I focus my attention back onto the bank worker and offer her a soft smile as she opens the glass double doors for me, the ones we stopped in front of after leading me down a maze of hallways.

»One of our employers should be in right now, they'll take it over from here. Best of luck, Comrade!«

She says and turns on her heel, leaving me alone. I take a deep breath before creaking the door open slowly, dipping one foot inside the room then following with my whole body and finally the other foot. I now stand inside the room my attention immediately falling onto the circular desk in the middle of the room. Behind it sit three ladies, all facing away from each other, a slim pillar extending outward towards the ceiling stands in the very middle. Their desk looks awfully messy and they seem to be in a rush. I step over and greet the black haired one, offering her a smile although I do not get one in return.

»Make it quick please, I'm busy.«

She chews on a piece of gum rather loudly, clicking the pen impatiently. I stutter but step closer, placing my ID onto the table.

»[Last name][Name], [Age], I saw you guys were looking for a secretary and was wondering whether there was any chance it was still open. I'll be honest I have no work experience in this field and don't really know what the job of a secretary involves... b-but I learn very quickly...!«

She stares at me and sighs, shaking her head. Her demeanor went from annoyed to tired in an instant and she didn't seem so hostile anymore.

»No experience you say? Ughh... erm.. well this job requires a lot of running around and a good memory s—«

I cut her off immediately, scrambling to catch my words. She shoots me a glance but doesn't stop me.

»That's no problem, really.. ! O-Oh and I remember things quickly!«

She nods, signalling that she indeed was listening as she writes something down.

»Well you'll have to wait because we were ju—«

Just as she was about to finish speaking she gets interrupted for the second time, this time not daring to look a bit annoyed. Through one of the hallways enters..

The Regator

The doors opened by Fatui Skrimishers as they escort him into the room and he sets eyes on one of the desk workers, unfortunately exactly the one I was speaking to.

»You!«

One of the Skrimishers calls out and she yelps.

»M-Me..?«

The Skrimisher walks over, slapping a pile of reports onto her table.

»Go make a copy for each and every one of these separately, now!«

The Regator stares at us intently and she looks up at him, then at me and finally at the Skrimisher.

»But.. M-My Lord.. I was tending to this young lady, she's here for an interview..!«

His smile twists into a large grin upon hearing those words and he finally speaks, his voice silky smooth.

»Wonderful, I'll take over from here.«

He purrs and I freeze. Take over? I'll get interviewed by The Regator himself? This is a joke..

I step back towards the desk and stare at the man who takes a step closer, eyes narrowing.

»Chop, chop! I don't have all day.«

He says, his tone changing immediately. He moves past us towards the back of the room where stands an impressive set of double doors which leads to another hallway. The Regator looks over his shoulder and I jump, realizing I have to follow and not just stare! We enter another expensively decorated room which seemed to serve as a waiting room. At the very far right wall stood yet another set of doors. I wonder how many this place even has. The Skrimishers open the door for the 9th and he steps inside. I hesitate for a second but just for a second as the next moment I am standing inside of the office, doors closed behind me. I was shoved inside and didn't really have a choice.

»Well then? I sure don't have all day. Come on, sit.«

His demeanor changed immediately, his smile gone and his eyes cold, staring daggers through my form. I approach slowly and pull the cushioned chair out, cringing at the sound it makes as it scrapes against the floor. I cautiously sit down and The Regator leans back, pulling out a blank form from one of his drawers.

»Let's make this quick. I'll need a full name and age, address, previous work experience..«

He continues on but I don't really listen to him, more than what not staring at the blank form. Would my picture go there? Why do they need so much information? What would happen if I just refused and got out of here. He snaps me out of my thoughts as he clears his throat.

»Are you still with me?«

He's becoming irritated.

»My apologies, My Lord.«

»Ah so you can speak after all.«

He grins, sliding me the sheet.

»Make sure to be quick, we'll have to interview you properly.«

I nod and swallow nervously as I rake my eyes over the sheet of paper. He holds out a pen, his long slender fingers adorned with all kinds of rings and jewels. He smiles, although his smile unlike the other employees' wasn't warm and welcoming, more like threatening. I return the smile awkwardly as I take the pen, focusing back on the paper. There wasn't much to fill out except for personal information. Why would my work place need my address? My previous one sure as hell did not, so why now? Well perhaps it was to mail me the check, but still I can collect it at work!

»[Name]..«

He mumbles as he watches me write my name down. I look up immediately and he grins, waving me off.

»Is there a problem, M-My Lord..?«

»Oh don't you worry your pretty head off, nothing's wrong, continue on.«

I hum and skip through the attention notice, then finish the task I was given. I lay the pen down and look back up. He's focused on the sheet rather intently. He reaches forward, sliding it over the desk and I freeze. Oh right, he actually has to read this. His eyes scan the page and he frowns. Oh no..

»Antique shop manager? That's unfortunate.«

»I— Is there a problem...?«

»I don't think your past work experience matches what we are looking for. Quite unfortunate I must say.«

He sighs and stands up and my heart drops. Wait.. so I didn't get it? But..!

»W—Wa— My Lord! I seriously need this job I..«

I cannot believe I'm begging for a job I was at first hesitant to even apply for but at this point it is my last chance, the only means of survival.

»Oh really? Do tell me why this position should be granted to exactly you over every other person twice as experienced as you.«

As experienced as me? For fucks sake it's just some numbers! I grit my teeth and look at him, knowing I'd regret my words immediately.

»What every other person? As far as I've noticed I'm the only one applying for this job, no other was in line behind me!«

His smile falls and I freeze yet again.

»Oh?«

»I— W—«

He slams his hands onto the table and stands up, I gulp.

»You've got guts to bark out against a harbinger, I'll give you that.«

I melt into my chair as I watch him round the table, staring down at my form.

»Not only you decide to go against my word and my beliefs you as well try to demand things from me?«

»I—«

»So tell me, Gem. Why should a job as highly paying as this go to somebody lowly like you?«

»M-My Lord..«

He scoffs and stops before me, leaning against the desk just two or so feet away from me. I look up and he grins widely for what feels like the 100th time, knowing I'm afraid and won't even think about acting out again.

»W-Well.. a tree fell and some windows cracked.. I— I have been barely s-surviving...I—«

I stare at my feet, fumbling with my hands. I know there's no chance of redemption now but all I can do is pray. He hums, grabbing my face and I flinch, staring up at him in disbelief. The cold metal of his rings digs into my face and I grimace at the feeling.

»I have an idea how we could fix this mishap..«

I try to pull away but he grabs at his belt and I think I've got just the Idea.

___

He pulls at my hair, bringing my head back as I gasp for air. Tears run freely down my cheeks as I choke on his precum and my own saliva, barely catching a breath before he brings my head back down, stuffing my mouth.

»Yo-You know— haah..«

He bites at his lips before pulling my head off again.

»I usually don't do this but.. celestia.. I couldn't help myself..«

I sob as he brings me up by my collar, chasing my mouth with his own. He groans as our lips connect, moving together furiously, melting into each other. A string of saliva connects us as he pulls away, the scene is absolutely filthy.

»The way you looked up at me.. dear Tsaritsa.. haa—«

He groans as I trace my hand up his length and attempt sink back to my knees to finish what I've started but he stops me, gripping my arm before I could. I look up at him again and he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Suddenly I'm flipped around and over his desk as he grips my hair, forcing me forward. I gasp as he grips my hips, leaning over my body.

»You know... I'm tempted to sign you up as my personal assistant right about now. You'd like that, wouldn't you?«

He says as he slowly slides pulls my pants down, slapping my ass.

»I asked you a question.«

He grips my throat and shoves me further into the table and I cry out. His cold rings making me shiver.

»Y-Yes! I would love to—«

He slaps me again, this time harder before pulling my undergarments off with such force I swear to everything I own I could have heard a rip. I can hear the grin on his face as he speaks again, fingers tracing my opening.

»I'm sure of it..«

He slides his fingers inside my heat, curling them upwards and I jolt, sobbing into my hand.

»We'll have to train you then, you said you were a fast learner? Did I hear that right?«

I simply nod but he frowns, not that I could see it, of course. He removes his fingers with a whine from my side and smacks my ass again, hard enough to leave a mark.

»I expect a proper answer whenever I ask you a question.«

»Y-Yes! Ye—ees My Lord!«

He grins again, rubbing the spot he just struck.

»Wonderful, don't you worry I'll call off my next meeting then we'll have plenty of time!« ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

Written by DottoreEnjoyer69 on AO3

[mikwaa]

I missed you

Prompt: You left on a mission, and it took a while to come back. And they are eager for you to come back.

Featuring: Kaveh, Kaeya, Alhaitham, Wanderer, Zhongli

Warnings: Only romance, suggestive at one point (nothing much), established relationship, spicy but nothing explicit.

A/n: No, I'm not begging someone to welcome me home like this. I swear.

Alhaitham:

Alhaitham was used to these missions of yours lasting days, sometimes even weeks. But this time he felt different, you had been away for a long time, and you had not given any sign of life. Normally you would always find a way to communicate with him, but that didn't happen this time. And these last few days it had become routine for him to stay up late, hoping that you would come into that house to fill the void he felt. But in the end, none of this happened, and he ended up just being overcome by sleep and tiredness. And there he was again, sitting on the couch immersed in his daily reading. He had already lost track of the time, his gaze shifted focus, one hour all his attention was devoted to the book, but at some point he kept staring at the door waiting for some sign from you. And just as he was about to doze off, his eyes so heavy they refused to stay open, he heard the door latch open, and he saw your silhouette. He even thought it was just the effect of sleep, he might be daydreaming or something, but soon those thoughts were put aside, as soon as he heard your sweet voice calling him. "Haitham?" You called him softly, not knowing if he was awake or asleep there on the couch. He blinked, once, twice, three times, before getting up and walking quickly towards you. "Are you okay?" His hands grabbed you around the waist, pulling you into his chest and wrapping you in a warm embrace. And you welcomed him, wrapping your arms around his body, letting yourself be carried away by the feeling of comfort it brought, you'd been away from home for days, nothing fairer than enjoying it. "Yes, I am. And you?" You snuggled into his neck, murmuring in a low, tired tone. One of his hands ran through your hair, gently stroking them, "I missed you, you took a long time." He whispers, full of tenderness in his voice. And he worried, a lot, especially when you disappeared and didn't give news like that. His mind would think of so many things, that sometimes he couldn't even close his eyes with worry. "Sorry, things got more complicated than I expected." And you gave him a little kiss on the lips, as a compensation for staying away. And he stared at you with those eyes that reminded you of emeralds, this while he smoothed a scratch on your face with his thumb, gently dragging his finger all over the area. "We have to take care of that, you can tell me how things went while I bandage it up." And to be honest, all he wanted was to keep you like this in his arms. All because he was dying of longing. Even though he was all serious, with you he showed a different side. More caring and loving, he hated to think of losing you, it drove him crazy. With that, once you walked through that door and back into his arms, his heart ceased, and he took comfort in your touch. Which he missed so much.

Kaeya:

It was late at night, but for Kaeya the night had just begun. He was in his living room, enjoying a good wine, already on his fourth glass. Even though everything seemed peaceful, his mind was full of thoughts, and all of those thoughts involved you. Suddenly a commission had come your way, and it had been two weeks since you had been out to solve the problem. Yet you and Kaeya always communicated, often by letters, you always sent him letters frequently. But not this time, he didn't receive any letters from you, and it was driving him mad. He had looked for you in many places, used his position as a Cavalry Captain to try and find you, but he had no trace of you. All he could do was sit and wait, wait for you to knock on his door, and only then would he be reassured. And as if the Archons had heard his prayers, someone knocked on his door. His heart began to skip beats as soon as he heard the sound at the door. He hurried to open it, only to see the little face he had missed so much. He was quick to pull you into a hug, nestling you in his arms, not leaving a gap for you to let go. "Someday you'll kill me with anticipation." He chuckles, as he murmurs against your ear. And you laughed back, clinging onto him even tighter, if that was even possible. "I'm back, I'm not leaving anytime soon." You nod at him, and he pulls away a little, only to pull you into a passionate, tender kiss. Surely he wanted to take you to the bedroom and make love with you passionately, to make up for lost time. But he wanted to hear you out first, to take you in and make you feel wanted, just like you were. He would surely want to know the story in full detail. "I'd be going crazy if I let you out again." With a cocky smile he says, his eye scanning every inch of your face. Archons, how he missed you. You put your hands around his neck as he leaned you against the closed door. "I have so much to tell you, if it's up to me we're both going to spend the night awake." And honestly he didn't care, the next day he would make up an excuse for missing work. All this just to have the pleasure of seeing you wake up in his arms, and to have an even greater pleasure of keeping you in the soft bed with him. "Not for that," And he points to the wine and the glass on the table, "I'll prepare some snacks for both of us, and get another glass." And he pulls away from you, not before stealing another kiss. And if it were up to him, you'd be there until the morning, just enjoying each other's company. And maybe even something more will happen, it will help a lot to make up for his missing you.

Kaveh:

Days and days pass, and Kaveh is almost in a state of panic. Every moment you don't signal if you are okay to him, his heart freezes. He just can't think of anything else, all he wanted most was to have you by his side, and he would trap you in his arms in a way that you couldn't even get out if you wanted to. That was the thought that kept him sane, he assured himself that you would come back to him soon. All he could do was count every minute, he even tried to focus on personal projects, but he just couldn't concentrate, all the time looking out the window anxiously, hoping you would show up. And as if by magic, as soon as he looked through the window he saw you, in your shabby clothes and carrying that heavy bag you always carried on long trips. And he ran out of the room, heading for the door to welcome you. And he was the first to open the door, wasting no time to take you in his arms, "You almost killed me! Do you know how worried I was?" And just as quickly as he put you in his arms, he let you go and looked you over from head to toe. "I'm fine, don't worry, I just need a good bath and a few cuddles, and I'll be brand new!" You say with a little smile, but that wasn't enough to convince him. "You're all scratched up, your clothes are all tattered." He said it like an complaining old man, but the tenderness and compassion in his eyes didn't fade in a minute. "It's all right, really." You gently put the palm of your hand on his cheeks, and he snuggled in. Once he felt your touch, he quieted, as if the emptiness in him had been filled. He took your hand and kissed it, then kissed all the way down your arm to your shoulder, "I missed you so much." You took his face in your hands, cupping it, "You don't know how much I wanted to come home." And then, he began to shower your face with kisses, whispering between each one, "You're not going to leave me again, are you?" And then again, " Heavens I love you so much." With a final kiss on your lips. You smiled against his lips, you couldn't take how adorable Kaveh could be. It seemed to take his lips off yours was a bit of work, because he really didn't want to, just like you. But you needed a good bath, clean clothes, and good food. "I'll prepare food for you, your tummy is rumbling isn't it?" He asks softly, while his forehead rests on yours. With a giggle you nodded, and he took you by the hand and led you to the kitchen, "Stay here while I prepare it, I want to hear everything that happened." And besides, he would definitely help you take care of the bruises. "Okay, I'll tell you detail by detail." You say it with a bright smile, and he comes over and gives you another kiss on the cheek. Surely he wouldn't let go of you, he would be the rest of the day like a sly child after you. As soon as you finished doing the rest of your chores, he would hug you and tell you everything that happened in the last few days. Just as he would be a great listener, he couldn't wait to spend a whole day with you.

Zhongli:

As the patient and calm man that he was, Zhongli didn't stress over silly things, however there were things that left him with a flea behind his ear. And one of those things was when you went out on those dangerous and long missions, sometimes he didn't even know when you were going to be back, and that made him a little apprehensive. And there he was, in his office at home, having a cup of tea, reading some contracts he needed to review. As attentive as he was to what he was doing, he couldn't help but have thoughts about you, about when you would return to that house that had suddenly become so empty. Since it was already considerably late, Zhongli had given up hope that you would return that day. But there was still that little glimmer of expectation that he would sleep next to you that night, he missed it so much. And so, he heard the 'click' of the door opening, soon revealing your countenance, which he missed so much. "Awake at this hour?" It was the first thing you said as soon as you saw him, and you would pay just to see the sparkle in those eyes all day long. And he stood up, putting all those papers aside and giving you his full attention. "I have been eagerly awaiting your arrival my dear." He held your face, thoughtfully stroking your cheeks. "I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long." Relaxing your face in his hands you say, and he immediately gives you a breathtaking smile. He pulled you into a hug, just to feel you in his embrace, whispering to you, "No matter how long I wait, all that matters is that you always come back to me." The velvety voice that always surprised you, that always gave you goosebumps. The love that oozed from his every utterance. And you clung to him more, it was the best thing to come home, to be welcomed with such tenderness and love, what more could you ask for? You kissed his neck lightly, softly saying, "I'll always come back to you." And he gave you a satisfied smile, you could not give a better answer. As much as his mind was full of bad ideas that could happen to you, so every time you came home safe and well, it was a huge relief to him. "I'll make something for both of us, you can go take a hot bath and put on more comfortable clothes." He strokes your hair, holding you by the chin and giving you a gentle, loving kiss. And he didn't want to let you go, genuinely didn't, but he was content with the fact that he could hold on to you for the rest of the night. He parted your lips from his, his fingers playing with your hair, and then he whispers again, "But first, can you give me one more kiss?" And he asks as if it's been forever since he last placed his lips against yours. And so it was done, he gently pressed his lips against yours, letting himself be carried away by the sensation it brought him. He was craving you so much that he couldn't help himself, as if his skin, his body, everything about him was begging for you. You were the only one capable of giving him that feeling, and it took his feet off the ground every time. With that last kiss, his plans changed, now he would join you in the bath. And then he would prepare the best food, he couldn't wait to take you to the shared room and there he would vent all the tension he felt these past few days. Just to let you know how much you were missed by him these days.

Wanderer:

Normally, Wanderer didn't mind too much when you left for these commissions, you were always very competent and always came back soon. But this time it had been almost four weeks since you had signaled anything, you had left, just saying it would be another one of your assignments. You had always been very secretive when it came to this, so he hadn't even bothered to go into details. However, now he felt a certain distress that you were spending so much time working like this, and even more so without giving any news of your whereabouts. From time to time he would walk around the city of Sumeru, hoping to find you somewhere, but he never succeeded. And he had already done that for the day, what was left was to go home and wait for you, and he didn't even know why he was giving so much importance to that. And as soon as he set foot inside the house, he was greeted with a hug, which was already familiar. "I thought you forgot about me." You say in a joking tone. And as if he needed this more than anything, he wrapped his arms around you, pressing you tightly against his body. "You and your silliness, I would never do that." In an annoyed grumble he answered you, his hands clasped around your waist. You lifted your face a little, just enough to kiss him lovingly on the cheek. His fingers tightened around you, signaling that he was enjoying it. "You shouldn't take so long on these missions." He grumbled at you, but you knew he wasn't angry, he was missing you. "I promise I'll spend more time at home." And this time you give him a kiss on the lips, slowly to enjoy the moment. And instead of rejecting it, which he would never do with you, he gladly accepted it, wanting it as much or even more than you. "I think you'd better comply." He manages to murmur during the kiss, meeting you voraciously as he presses his lips against yours. And then he finds your hand, and wraps his fingers around yours in a clear sign of affection. His free hand roaming around your waist, but he still held you tight. After a while he stops, just to admire your beautiful face, which had a pink tint. And without you expecting it, he kissed you all over your face, and you can bet he was as red as you were. His heart was pounding more and more, at the same time that he was reassured that you were home, he could not contain the excitement that ran through his body. You're there, you were finally there. "I love it when you do that." You say softly, and he gives you a little smile, still holding you in his arms. That was a more than accurate indicator for him to continue his advances, he might not say it with words, but certainly his attitudes showed how much he enjoyed seeing your reactions. With every touch, every kiss, every time his skin brushed against yours, he loved every little face you made. The way he looked at you gave away how much he cared. With a soft kiss on your lips he whispers, "Stay here longer, the house is empty without you." Your heart warmed at the phrase, and you pulled him into a deeper, more passionate kiss. And he just dived into the wonderful taste your lips had. And he is immersed in the delicious emotion he felt at that moment. And it was only then that he realized that he needed you there, just so things would make some sense. And surely, he would show you how great his feeling for you was.

[throneofsapphics]

old faces, part four 

Rowaelin x f!Reader

Summary: you and Rowan meet again, and deal with the fall-out of your secret

Warnings: drinking, mentions of death and injuries

Word Count: ~6.4k 

A/N: sorry this took longer than expected! I appreciate all of your support so much <3

series masterlist

There had been a few … discussions over who would greet them. Eventually, they decided Rowan and Aelin would meet them first - and the rest of the court the next day at breakfast. Evangeline made the most logical argument - that they would completely overwhelm them. Lorcan added they were stuck with Fenrys’s company for weeks and might already be approaching their limit. 

Rowan had a feeling you and Fenrys got along just fine, you certainly seemed to be back in Antica. An uncomfortable but familiar emotion surged in him. Jealousy? Jealousy that Fenrys got to spend that much time with his daughter, not that he spent that time with you, he convinced himself. 

The carriage rolled up, the doors swung open. Fenrys first, followed by Reya, you, Ani, and finally Ceri. Who hid behind you again, just like the first time they’d met. Rowan tried not to frown, he knew it would take time for her to warm up. 

“You can say hello, if you’d like,” you murmured quietly, hair falling so it shielded half of your face. Were you shy all of the sudden? Ceri took another step forward, stopping a few feet in front of you. She looked back at you, you sent an encouraging nod her way. She paused, shifted her body to the side, and grabbed Ani’s hand - dragging her friend with her. 

Rowan’s mouth curved in amusement as they both paused in front of them. Then, he realized he had no fucking idea what to do. 

Aelin crouched down, arms opened, and the two looked at each other - some kind of silent communication passing through, before they both launched themselves at his Queen. Her laughter echoed through the courtyard, arms wrapping around the two of them. 

Rowan watched them for a moment, Aelin asking them about their trip - the two of them chattering about this and that, about a new card game, something about ‘self-defense’ lessons, etc. 

But, you were quiet, and Fenrys … Fenrys looked like he was about to deliver bad news. You’d turned slightly away from him, hair shielding half of your face and your focus on Aelin and the girls was pointed. Avoiding looking at him. 

“You’re early,” Rowan finally said as Aelin rose. 

“It’s because of the bad man,” Ani said - before Ceri could shush her. 

Bad man. Bad man. Bad man. 

Rowan saw red, crouching to look over Ceri - no injuries, scars, bruises, anything to show something’s amiss. His daughter leaned towards him, cupping her hands around her mouth. “It’s mum that was hurt,” she whispered pointed towards you, in what she probably thought was a discreet way, “not me, but he’s dead now and it healed.” 

“Thank you,” Rowan forced a smile onto his face, clamped down harshly on his anger. 

“I think we have things to talk about,” Aelin said, voice calm and steady. 

“We do.” Fenrys said, you nodding in agreement. 

“I know the perfect guide for you,” Aelin smiled warmly at the two girls, and Reya. It was obvious this conversation needed to be between the four of them, and Reya seemed relieved to be excluded. Aelin led them back, stopping just before the entrance hall before disappearing. 

Minutes later, she returned - Evangeline in tow. Aelin murmured a few instructions to her, referencing the specific wing and rooms for your group, and they took off. 

“Are you going to tell me what the hell happened?” Rowan directed at Fenrys. 

You cut in, “it didn’t involve him.” Your cheeks flushed as you found yourself the center of attention - but you kept going. “We went to the park, on our way back I noticed something off - shoved the three of them behind the wards, and kept the attacker away long enough for an archer to shoot him. A mortal magic wielder.” 

Kept them at bay. Against a mortal, you should’ve been able to kill them within the first minute. “You were trying to get answers from him.” Rowan observed, not asked, but you confirmed that with a nod. Fenrys laid a comforting hand on your shoulder, and from the corner of his vision, he saw Aelin’s eyes narrow. 

“The archer killed him before I could.” 

As a nervous habit, one hand brushed your hair away, tucking it behind your ear - you froze, palm over your cheek, white rings around your eyes. 

“They’ll see it eventually,” Fenrys said quietly, squeezing your shoulder. 

Aelin was bristling next to him, and he wasn’t much better. See what? 

Slowly, so gods-damned slowly, your hand lowered down to your side. A nasty looking scar sliced across your cheek. It looked painful, and for it to scar like that … 

“The cut wasn’t bad, but the blade was iron and enchanted. Not a curse, just to leave a mark,” you tugged your bottom teeth between your lips, debating your next words. “I think it’s obvious, the knife wasn’t meant for me. We left the next night.” 

“If there’s any updates, they’ll send word.” Fenrys added. 

“How did it happen?” Somehow, he managed to keep his voice and words steady. Someone tried to kill his daughter. Aelin’s warm hand against his shoulder kept him anchored, kept him steady. Tried to kill you, his … the mother of his child didn’t feel right. A friend, he settled on for now. Tried to kill his friend, and succeeded in injuring her. 

As you explained the story, his temper flared. He wanted to ask how you could be so stupid, how you could put the two … four of you at danger like that, but Fenrys was glaring at him and he held his tongue. 

“You’ll need to see a healer and get that checked,” was all he could manage. 

“We,” Aelin emphasized, squeezing his shoulder, “are glad you both are safe.” 

“Thank you,” the words were soft before your eyes narrowed, a subtle bite edging into your tone, “I don’t need a healer, it’s fine.” 

“It wasn’t a suggestion.” 

“For fucks sake,” Fenrys muttered, “I’ll take you to the healers, let them poke a bit, and it’ll shut him up.” Rowan’s eyes promised vengeance, and Fenrys ignored him. You were biting back a laugh, which he supposed was a good thing, considering the news you’d just dropped. 

“We’ll go tomorrow,” he wrapped an arm around your shoulders, tugging you into your side. The way you looked at him - completely friendly and platonic, but an ugly feeling surged in his stomach. They should be the friends that were there for you. “Unless your majesty and highness have an objection,” the male challenged him. 

“No objections,” Aelin glanced down at her nails - a tactic she uses to divert frustration, “but we’ll be meeting the rest of our court for a late breakfast,” she looked up at you, a wicked amusement gleaming in those eyes, “I imagine it will be interesting.” 

“Should I be nervous?” your tongue darted out to lick your bottom lip, Aelin’s watched the movement, but she caught herself and met your eyes instead. Rowan noted that little moment, something to think on later. 

“I think you’ll be nervous no matter what I say.”

A huff, but you agreed, and Fenrys carted you off towards your rooms. He knew exactly what you’d be seeing -  a suite, complete with a bathing room, bedroom, sitting area, and breakfast table, connected to a small hall - two bedrooms with private baths on either side, perfect for Ceri and Ani, and straight across the hall was Reya’s suite, identical to yours. 

Aelin took the time to hunt through the castle for the perfect set of rooms for the three of you, and decided on these. 

The two girls couldn’t leave without having to go through one of your rooms, and they’d made sure the hinges on the doors all squeaked loudly. Rowan was proud of how much thought they’d put into it, and part of him hoped you would be too. 

He shouldn’t care that much about your opinion or approval. You shouldn’t be taking up this much of his mind, shouldn’t be echoing in his thoughts like this. 

-

Rowan and Aelin had thought of everything, down to the extra loud doors, the twin desks stocked with paper and various colored pencils and paints, the snacks in the small cabinets, the layout of the rooms … you’d walked in to Reya and Evangeline, a teenage woman maybe seven or eight years older than your daughter,  you guessed. But … she was already sitting next to them, another piece of paper out to draw, making encouraging comments to each of them. 

“They’re getting along well,” Reya leaned back on the loveseat, a glass of wine already in hand. “I was kicked out of the drawing circle.” 

“You don’t look too upset over it,” you took your cloak off, carefully slinging it over the back of a chair. 

The trunks were stacked against an opposite wall, backpacks balanced on top of them. 

“I told them not to put anything away,” Reya followed your gaze, “I figured you’d want to do it yourself. I know I do.” 

“Thank you,” you collapsed into the couch next to her. Putting things away felt a bit … permanent. Would you? They’d promised you could explore different parts of Terrasen, but had never given you a timeline.

Couch cushions rustled, glass clanked, and a hefty serving of wine was pushed into your hand. For the first time since you’d seen Rowan again, you let yourself relax.

-

Aelin watched as Rowan paced back and forth in front of the fireplace, wearing down the carpet. She liked that carpet. His fists clenched, on and off. It had been ten minutes of letting him stew in silence, and she was done with it. 

“They’re safe,” she emphasized, “and here, with us.” Evangeline had reported back that they all seemed in good spirits, and the two girls were heading to bed as she left. 

“She has a scar,” he ran one hand through his hair, his eyes meeting hers; and it’s my fault. 

“We all have scars,” Aelin tried to keep her voice gentle, “and it takes two to make a baby.” 

He pinned her with a look that said; that’s not the point. Aelin scented Fenrys, and seconds later she heard a knock on the door. Holding her hand up to Rowan, him freezing in place, she opened it herself, mouthing over her shoulder; be nice.

He shut the door behind him, and leaned back against it, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else. “Go on, ask your questions.” 

“What did you see?” Aelin spilled the words out before Rowan could.

“Not much,” he admitted, crossing his arms over his chest. “She was trying to subdue him - as you know, the archer across the street killed him instead. There was an enchanted blade - iron, with some marks carved into the handle. She destroyed it.” 

“Was he one of the men watching?” One of the lurkers that hung around her house for several days. 

Surprisingly, Fenrys shook his head. 

“We don’t know anything else,” his onyx eyes shifted from her, over to Rowan, “dead men can’t talk,” he deadpanned. 

Gods, the last thing she needs is the two of them getting into it tonight. Fenrys made a quick exit, promising he’d bring you by the healers before breakfast. Then, he and Evangeline would bring you down to meet everyone. 

Rowan, however, was still tearing a hole in the fucking carpet, and she tried a different tactic. “What would y/n say, if she saw you like this?” 

He paused, slowly turning his head to meet her; like he was looking for some kind of trick or trap. There was none, she was just trying to get his head out of his ass. Not seeing one, he finally answered, “I don’t know anymore.” 

-

The healers weren’t concerned, didn’t sense any kind of malignant magic or poison, and only confirmed what she already knew; a blade designed to leave a scar, and that’s it. She was still seething at Rowan’s ‘not a suggestion.’ Overprotective Fae bullshit. He had no claim to her, no need to protect her. The little nasty voice in the back of her mind told her it’s only because she’s the mother of his child, just as he was the father of hers. Co-parents, that would be the extent of their ‘relationship,’ anything else might complicate things - and she doesn’t want to give anyone a reason to think she might end up as a homewrecker. 

Reya linked one arm through hers, your daughters ahead of you - each holding on to one of Evangeline’s hands, periodically looking over their shoulders to make sure the two of you were still present. Not that you could go anywhere, trapped between Fenrys and Reya.

Steadying your breathing, you followed through the oak doors into an informal, thank the gods, dining room. Large windows showed a beautiful view of the city, the table already stacked with food, and what must be the rest of her court.

Ceri had retreated, half hiding behind you now, Ani doing the same to your right. 

“It’s alright,” you kept your voice low, “they’re the new friends Fenrys told you about.” 

“All horrible things, I’m sure,” the female with an ever changing scent. A shifter. Lady Lysandra. 

Fenrys made an exaggerated ‘shh’ noise, drawing a giggle from Ceri, who stepped out from behind you. Evangeline swooped in to take over introductions for the girls, everything happened almost in a blur around you as you shook hands - told preemptively not to bow or curtsey, and ended up seated at the table. 

You watched as your daughter shedded her shy skin, quickly chattering about anything and everything, answering every question shot her away, returning with one of her own. 

Aedion was studying you carefully, and you felt almost like you were put on display. Some kind of relic from the past, dragged up to Terrasen, and you couldn’t tell if your presence was entirely welcome or not. Last night, Evangeline said they’d only found out about you that morning, meaning less than half a day to come to terms with your existence - and Ceri’s. 

“So you’re from Wendlyn,” he finally said. 

“I am,” you sipped your tea. 

“Why did you go to the Southern Continent?” 

Glancing towards your daughter - currently caught up in conversation with Rowan, you noticed Fenrys pinning Aedion with a nasty look. It seemed to say; you know why. You were grateful he was there, without him your nerves might’ve already gotten the best of you. 

“It was not safe to be there. My mother was from Antica, and for honesty’s sake, there’s few places where our kind are well received. You traced a finger over the curves of your pointed ears, “I couldn’t hide my heritage, neither could she.” 

“Were you ever going to tell him?” 

Lysandra, quite obviously, jabbed her elbow into his side. There was something else here … more personal. 

Fenrys had said; “Aedion’s father is … was Gavriel. Like you, his mother kept it a secret for his sake.” 

“I won’t lie to you, I wasn’t sure. I told her that her father’s a Fae warrior and Royal, when she asked, but she never pressed for his name. If she did, I would’ve told her.” Silver hair flashed in your peripherals, and you were aware she was listening in now. “I believe our paths would’ve crossed at some point.” 

Aedion seemed satisfied by your answer, and stopped that line of questioning. The pointed stare from Aelin might have helped as well, because he shot a sheepish look your way, before asking more pleasant questions. It didn’t bother you, you were a stranger, and it’s natural they'd want to assess if you were a threat to their country or Queen. With your daughter, you’d undoubtedly do the same thing. Still, the idea that you would have to prove yourself turned your stomach. 

Everyone kept glancing between your daughter and Rowan, and seeing the two side by side - again, re-iterated just how alike they looked. At first, every look at the silver tufts of hair, the deep green eyes, had been a reminder of him, but over the years the two separated. Sure, you still thought of their resemblance, once in a while, but he’d slipped to the back of your mind, your entire world existing outside of him, two circles far away from each other. Until a few weeks ago. 

Everything will be different. Your fingers tapped against your thighs. A better world.

As long as Ceri was happy, you could find happiness too. 

-

Rowan quickly learned what his daughter was like. Wild was the best way to describe her. Either the best or the worst combination of him and his mother. 

The first time he spotted her at the top of a tree, he panicked. 

“Ceri, come down,” he pleaded. 

“It’s nice up here,” she countered, and sat her ass down, obviously intending to stay a while. 

“She’ll come down when she’s ready,” a soft voice murmured, the scent of roses flooding the area. Roses … without your voice - he might not have recognized it, you’d always chosen Lilacs for perfume, soap, anything. He’d been distracted enough by his daughter balancing on a precarious branch, he didn’t hear your approach. 

“Is this … common?” 

“You get used to it,” you walked up to stand shoulder to shoulder with him, a good twelve inches of space between you. “Evangeline is waiting, she brought you and Ani chocolates.” 

Leaves shuffled, a few branches creaked - Rowan winced and tensed - but Ceri was down from the tree in less than a minute, sprinting back towards where Evangeline waited, looking thoroughly amused. 

Everyone seemed to be amused at how his daughter shot his heart rate to dangerous levels. 

-

Three weeks passed, and you grew more and more on edge. Eager to leave Orynth, to see somewhere else in Terrasen. Everyone seemed to watch you. Eyes on you at all times, everyone who passed you in the hall. Their eyes lit up as they saw Ceri, only to narrow slightly as they crossed over to you holding her hand. 

A stranger, who looked nothing like the small girl a carbon copy of the King. 

-

A year and a half passed, and you were still in Terrasen. Everyone else was thriving, and although you didn’t quite feel at home yet, you were getting there. 

The entire court, and the country really, had been more than welcoming - but, you made sure to put a certain distance between you and the King and Queen, keeping it exactly as you’d intended - co-parenting. You and your daughter’s every move was watched, although she didn’t seem to mind or notice, it kept you hyper-aware and a bit paranoid. 

The mother of King Rowan’s daughter. 

That’s what you’d been reduced to. Being her mother was an honor, of course, but you lost a sense of your identity. Reya, sliding more under the radar, helped you sell your goods - that way you knew they weren’t buying just because of who your daughter was. Because of who managed to stick a babe in you. 

-

Your entire group decided to stay in Terrasen, but Rowan barely saw you throughout the last two years. 

For fucks sake, Fenrys saw more of you than he did, and it shouldn’t have bothered him this much. You’d been friends of sorts eight years ago - not long considering an immortal lifespan, but now it felt like you were barely a step up from strangers, like you both didn’t share one of the most important people in your lives. 

“Why is she so distant?” Aelin asked Lysandra, and Rowan started paying attention to their conversation. The two were inhaling impressive amounts of chocolates and wine, lounging in their sitting room. They’d chosen to live in Caraverre, and the shifter definitely boasted, lightheartedly, about it once in a while. If he had his way, which rarely happens anymore, he’d have both of you here in Orynth. 

“You haven’t put that together yet?” Lysandra purred, tipping her glass back as Aelin scowled. 

“Obviously not, or I wouldn’t be asking you.” 

Lysandra faked exasperation, letting out a long exhale. “Even in Caraverre, there’s always eyes on her. She’s very careful of how it can be perceived, if she gets too close to either of you.” 

“She’s staying away to keep her reputation clean?” Rowan cut in. 

“And yours,” she ran her finger around the rim of the glass, “but maybe that’ll change some, now that she has someone to herself.” 

His teeth clenched and Lysandra’s head tilted - but Aelin had tensed next to her. “Who is it, Lys?” 

“None of my business,” she smirked, enjoying that she had some kind of knowledge Aelin, and he, wanted. 

“You make everything your business.” Rowan cut in. 

“Why don’t you ask her yourself? She’ll be here next week, won’t she?” 

“If someone’s going to be around my daughter, I should know of it.” Rowan knew, even if he wouldn’t admit it, that it wasn’t really about that. He trusted your judgment, trusted that you wouldn’t let anyone dangerous around her. Still, he wanted to be a part of your life. Wanted to know these kinds of things about you, and wanted to spend more than twenty minutes with you twice a month. 

“I doubt it’s permanent,” Lysandra laughed and dodged the pillow Aelin tossed her way. 

“Maybe I should visit more often.” Aelin mused, “If I go to her, alone, it might not be as … reputation damaging.” 

Aelin spit the last two words out like she didn’t give a damn what anyone thought of her reputation, of her being friends with you. 

Rowan wanted to know why you cared. 

He didn’t get a chance to. You avoided being alone with him as much as possible, rarely giving him an opening to ask any sort of questions like that. When he managed to lead the conversation in that direction, you deflected with such ease that by the time he realized it was off topic, you were gone. Aelin visited you on her own, but apparently you either deflected or shut down when she brought it up, and his wife gave up on that - not wanting to push you away further.

-

Something was wrong, and Aelin knew because Ceri was quiet, and she certainly hadn’t inherited her father’s distaste for words. 

Rowan caved first, putting his spoon down. “What is it?” 

She huffed and copied his movement. “My mum’s sad. She thinks she’s good at hiding it, but I can tell.” 

“Why is she sad?” Aelin asked gently. 

Her lips pursed together, debating telling them something. “Aunt Reya and Ani are probably leaving soon.” Aelin met Rowan’s gaze, that was news to him as well. Probably, meaning they were probably waiting to tell anyone until it’s official. “I wasn’t supposed to say anything, but I thought you should know.” 

“We can keep the secret,” Rowan assured her, “how do you feel … about that?” 

The way she stabbed the piece of fruit told Aelin enough about how she felt. “I’m mad, and mum says it’s fine to be angry, but to try and be happy for them too. Ani’s grandmother wants them to come home, and she always complains about the snow.” 

Ceri switched to a recounting of her latest ghost-leopard sighting. She was obsessed with them. “And her partner is going to take her -” 

“Partner?” Rowan cut in before he could stop himself. 

Ceri rolled her eyes, “yes, mum’s partner, is taking her -” 

Rowan stiffened next to her, fist clenching around his glass, and Aelin stomped on his foot, dragging him back to the present. 

“What’s his name?” 

“I don’t know,” her green eyes narrowed. 

“Have you met them?” She tried to ask as casually as possible. 

“No,” her nose scrunched up.

“Your mum told you?” 

Mischief shone in her eyes, “I heard her conversation with Aunt Reya.” 

More likely she feigned sleep and snuck out of bed. Rowan had taught her how to redirect her scent, and she’s putting it to good use. Aelin stomped on Rowan’s foot again - at the smug look on his face. 

He caught her gaze, he’s not good enough for her.

We don’t know who he is.

Maybe Fenrys does.

We shouldn’t interfere �� but Aelin wants to, and it makes no damn sense to her. 

-

“Who’s y/n’s partner?” Rowan asked Fenrys - bluntly. 

The male smirked, leaning back in his chair and interlacing his hands behind his head. “Who says it’s not me?” 

Rowan snarled, and Fenrys barked out a laugh. “I’m not, relax. We’re just friends” 

“But you know who he is?” He leaned forward, bracing his forearms on his thighs. Fenrys looked far too amused at this. 

“I know who she is.” 

He’d forgotten that particular detail. “And what’s her name?” 

“I’m not the one you should be asking. Besides, I doubt it’ll last. None of the others have.” 

“Others?”

“If you asked her these things, she’d tell you.” 

“I didn’t ask for your advice,” he growled, tempted to kick him out. 

“Too bad, you got it anyway. Tell your daughter to stop eavesdropping if you don’t want to know.” That’s the problem, he does want to know. Fenrys know’s that too, but he’s just being a bastard for his own amusement. “And Rowan?” He stood, heading towards the door. 

“What?” 

“Neither you or Aelin have a claim to her.” Rowan opened his mouth, as if to protest but … he doesn’t have a claim to her, not now. “Until you do, let her live her life.” 

The door shut behind him. You or Aelin. Until you do. The bedroom door swung open, revealing Aelin, a towel wrapped across her chest. 

“You heard everything?” 

“I did.” 

-

“If you like mum, why aren’t you with her?” Ceri questioned. Fenrys’s fork dropped, clattering onto his plate as he shot an incredulous look at Rowan. 

“We like her as a friend,” Rowan clarified. 

“Aren’t friends supposed to stay with each other?” 

Fenrys and Aedion were barely holding back laughter, and Rowan looked to Aelin, she could handle this question. 

Coward, she said. 

“Lysandra and I are friends, and we live just as far apart as your mother does.” 

“But Evangeline says only special friends make babies,” she pointed her fork at Rowan, “that’s different.” 

The other males gave up holding back their laughter, getting a scowl from the little hellion. Aelin watched Rowan’s cheeks flush as he tried to figure out how to answer this. Your turn, she said. 

He was saved as Ceri launched two grapes towards Aedion and Fenrys, using a bit of wind to make sure they hit their targets; “We’ve talked about this. No throwing food at the table.” Still, he admired the two small splatters on each of their foreheads, “but your aim is getting better.” 

“You never answered my question.” 

Rowan was not prepared for this. Centuries couldn’t have prepared him for this, but he prayed his answer would be enough. “We are not … special friends anymore.” 

She looked ready to ask why, but returned to her food instead. He finally felt like he could breathe again. Someone needs to make a book on how to deal with this. 

-

Aelin was excited, both you and Ceri would be arriving soon, and she was hoping to convince you to stay at least overnight. They had about a fifty percent success rate with convincing you to stay in Orynth at least a bit longer. Since your friend left, it became more frequent. Plus, considering the massive snowstorm looming, Aelin would raise her odds. 

“If I leave now, I should miss most of it,” she knew you were looking at the clock behind her, your teeth were worrying your bottom lip. Even you were doubting it. 

“Or you’ll be stranded in the snow,” Rowan countered, arms crossing over his chest, head tilting to the side. 

“I can handle myself.” 

“Not if you freeze to death.” 

“Just stay,” Ceri groaned, tugging on your sleeve. “She’s not there anyway.” 

Who is she? 

“And why is that?” You raised a brow, and your daughter shrugged her shoulders, but didn’t quite look apologetic. 

“Because they-I didn't like her.” 

“You never met her.”

“I didn’t have to,” Ceri’s wicked grin sent a shiver down her spine. Aelin recognized the look on her face, she’d seen it all too frequently in her husband. You sighed, but abandoned the argument, instead watching as she ran off, spotting some of her friends down the hall. A long time ago, they gave up trying to get her to stop running in the castle. 

“What did she do?” Aelin forced amusement on her face. 

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “One day she showed up at my door - while Ceri was at school, told me it wasn’t going to work, and Ceri came home looking very pleased with herself.” 

“How long were you together?” Aelin linked an arm through yours. 

“A few months,” you hummed, admitting, “It wouldn’t have worked long term.” 

-

You’d been here for three days, trapped by the storm. The longest amount of time since you’d arrived in Terrasen, and the most at peace you’d felt. It should be the opposite, really, considering how much effort you’ve put into avoiding Rowan specifically, but their company was enjoyable and put you at ease. Aelin made herself difficult to avoid. She developed a habit of randomly showing up on your doorstep, for book exchanges or to ‘get a break from him.’

Aelin let you borrow some clothes, considering you hadn’t planned to spend the night, and convinced you to let her braid your hair. 

“You’re not horrible at it,” Ceri informed Aelin and you winced. 

“Not horrible?” Aelin smiled at her, taking the ‘compliment’ with ease. “Last time you said I was doing great.” 

“I said you were doing better.” 

“Then who’s the best at it?” You teased, already knowing the answer. 

“Evangeline.” 

Now, it was just the four of you in a small hearth room - a fire roaring in the corner, an oak table filled with warm and heavy food, three pints of ale and one hot chocolate. 

“I want to move here,” Ceri announced at the table.

Gods, maybe she could’ve mentioned you to this before - not in front of them as well, backing you right into a corner. Eyes shuttering closed, you let out of a slow breath, giving yourself a few seconds before opening them again. 

“We can talk about it,” you promised her, sending an apologetic look to Rowan and Aelin. But they … they seemed excited about it. It makes sense they’d want Ceri closer. A few years ago, you told yourself you’d go where she wanted. If she wants to be here … there’s not much holding you to Caraverre really. Not much holding you anywhere, besides your daughter. That haunting sense of loneliness crept back into you. 

“What’s there to talk about?” 

“It’s a big change,” Rowan swept in, “something we can talk about later.” 

“I want my whole family together.” 

Family. 

It was impossible to miss the excitement in Rowan’s  eyes, the same one echoed in Aelin and Ceri’s. In everyone but yours. Yours were filled with trepidation and concern. 

“Quit worrying so much,” Reya told you, in the days before her departure. “You’ll make yourself miserable.”

-

“Are you moving to Orynth?” Aelin asked later that night, convincing you to share a bottle of wine with her. Rowan was in the corner, reading some kind of report, but his eyes stopped moving, head tilted slightly to listen in to the conversation. 

“Ceri wants to,” one finger absentmindedly ran over your scar, “wants both of us to.” For a bit, you thought she may have worded it wrong - that she just wanted to reverse the roles and live primarily with Rowan. But, she’d insisted both of you come here. 

“There’s not a chance she’d move without you,” Aelin plucked your empty glass out of your hands, filling both of yours halfway. 

“Thank you,” your fingers brushed as she handed it to you, and you could’ve sworn she lingered for a second. It’s the wine. Blinking heavily to bring yourself into focus, you admitted, “I’m glad,” and hoped they’d interpret your flush on the cheeks as alcohol-induced. 

“We’ll be glad to have you here,” she countered. 

“We’ll have to start looking at homes.” 

“Live in the castle,” Rowan said from his corner, papers now resting on his thighs. 

There it was, the demanding tone. If he thought he could bark an order and bring her to heel, he didn’t know her as well as you thought he did. Then again … he’d changed, and so had you. 

You shook your head, “It’s not a good idea.” 

“Why?” Aelin was facing you now, legs curled up under her. To give yourself time to think, you took another drink.

“We all know how it’ll -” 

“I don’t care how it looks,” Rowan cut you off, “you’re the only one who does,” he added - a tad gentler. 

“I like to keep a low profile.” 

“You like to hide,” he countered, “we haven’t kept Ceri a secret.” 

“There’s a difference between just our daughter, and both of us living here.” 

“What will it take for you to stop being a damn coward? To stop hiding?” 

“Rowan,” Aelin warned, her voice sharp. 

Tense silence filled the room, but Rowan didn’t seem to regret his words - not one bit, and that incensed you further. 

“I’m not a coward,” you snarled, chest tightening, cheeks turning red. Oh, he knew the right words to light a fire under your ass. To push you into enough anger to get a reaction. Calm was your default. Always calm, always composed, always steady. The current of anger and resentment, the feelings you buried so deep inside, threatened to sweep you under.

“Rowan,” Aelin snarled, louder, as his mouth opened. His jaw slammed back shut, giving you a chance to get the rest of your words out.  In. Count to four. Out. Count to four. 

“There’s a good reason for my fear,” your voice shook, despite your best efforts, hand trailing over the scar again. “Hiding has saved me more often than not.” 

Aelin’s brow furrowed, but Rowan’s eyes flashed in recognition.

The top of a hill, crouched in a tree, the magic your mother bent - the wards last minute designed to keep you out, to keep you away from them. Away from the slaughter. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t get past them, but couldn’t convince yourself to run away either. Instead, you watched as the soldiers fell, watched and hid. 

A warm hand squeezed your shoulder, and you jerked, lower back hitting the arm of the couch, “sorry,” you murmured, still half in a daze, trying to shake the memory away. Turquoise and gold eyes peered at you with concern, her hand slowly retreating, body posture pointedly relaxed and unthreatening. 

“Aelin doesn’t know,” Rowan cleared his throat. You’d spilled that story to him one night, both of you plied with a good amount of liquor. It surprised you he hadn’t shared that with her. “It’s not my story to tell,” he added, reading the look on your face. 

“It is safer for the two of you to live here.” Aelin said quietly. Maybe it was unintentional, but she played the right card. Swallowing a bit of discomfort for safety is a sacrifice you could make. Maybe free yourself too, to stop worrying so much. If they didn’t care about public perception, you had no reason to. 

“If you still care about how it looks,” Aelin continued, ignoring the look Rowan tried to pin her with, “think of it this way; people will be happier to see a family together, considering how many were torn apart.” 

You could see exactly how she made a great queen. A few phrases from her changed your mindset enough you were on the verge of agreeing, but you made them wait in a few minutes of uncomfortable silence. But … you weren’t ready to let go of it, not just yet. 

“Do you really think it’s that unsafe? For us to live outside of the castle?” Unintentionally, you were drawn to the three kingsflame preserved on the mantle. Beautiful small red and orange flowers, encased in crystal. Selfish, a nasty voice in your head crooned at you, they’re trying to help. 

-

Rowan didn’t detect any kind of accusation in your question. The short answer would be no. He didn’t believe Orynth was unsafe in general, but he didn’t … trust anyone with you or Ceri’s safety. Any chance, even infinitesimal, was too much of a risk to him. 

When the silence dragged on, you stiffened, “or is it me, that you don’t trust to keep us safe?” 

“We trust you,” Aelin rushed, thankfully without hesitation, sensing the anger creeping back in, and Rowan nodded his agreement. In all honesty, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen you truly angry, and a small part of him liked poking these reactions out of you. To do something most others couldn’t, to break the careful calm you’ve built over the years. It was there when he knew you, but now it was nearly unflappable. Still, he didn’t want to do that if it would hurt you. 

He thought about if he’d answered “no” to your question. He does believe in you, but if he’d said that … you might have lost the confidence you’d built in your work, and trust in yourself. Real wards and protective enchantments were difficult to come by, and rumors of your work reached Orynth - under a false name, but he knew exactly who it was. 

You glanced down at your lap, tapping your fingers against your leg. Either deep in thought, or nervous.

“I don’t know if it would be good for her, spending all of her time here. She doesn’t want to be a princess.” 

Rowan had heard that before, from his daughter, what felt like hundreds of times by now. 

“I’m aware,” he deadpanned, watching the corners of your mouth turn up. 

“I’ll speak to Ceri, before we make any decisions.” Aelin couldn’t hide the relief on her face, neither could he. Now, just to get his daughter on their side. At the hint of challenge in your eyes, he had a suspicion that might be more difficult than he expected. 

[vminity21]

Destined | jjk

Pairing: actor!Jeongguk x female!reader, boyfriend!Taehyung x female!reader, f2l!au, school!au

Word Count: 25,530

Genre: smut, angst, fluff

Warning(s): unrequited love, mega-angst (im sorry), profanity, mention of an accident, dirty talk/jokes, smut, fingering, finger sucking, nipple play, m!dom, slight f!dom, clit play, oral (m + f receive), smutty kissing, probably some nipple play; Rated: 18+

Summary: You have had feelings for Jeon Jeongguk since you laid eyes on him. Through the stages of life he has engulfed your brain in ways you will never understand. His feelings for you bloom but a huge misunderstanding will leave you so broken, you don’t know what else to do other than run. You watch as Jeongguk’s dreams become a reality, and despite your new love interest, you never expected to be reconnected with the man who once captured your heart and is determined to find you again.

{Present Day}

Tears drip in warm trails off your cheeks when the click of the front door signifies the leaving of Taehyung. Admitting you are in love with someone else is already hard enough, but the pain of losing someone whom you thought would understand is more overwhelming than you could have possibly imagined. Conversation involving a famous talk show murmurs in the background, but the volume is not enough to drown out the sniffles now pressing onto the back of your hand while your entire frame shudders. Eventually, you plan to reach out to Tae in hopes of reconciling at least a friendship because it is what he deserves, and his heart is in the right place despite the pain you caused.

It is the face on the television screen that captured your heart for sixteen long years and the roller coaster of emotions encircling your chest tightens, producing a lump at the back of your throat as you swallow roughly. The movie premiere has officially been released, and the world has gone feral for the man seated before the interviewer who has asked questions the entire time as expected. But it was the words that the man said that confirmed what you needed to know, and when you froze with the remote almost slipping from your hand, you knew that you were still in love with him, and your now ex-boyfriend Kim Taehyung could tell in your eyes that there is no turning back.

There was a fight that prompted Taehyung to leave, but he was aware from vague communications that you and the actor in the interview had a history. A long history of almost unrequited love, or so you assumed, to reconnecting in the most unexpected way, but before things could get out of hand this time, you did approach Taehyung in a warning that maybe things weren’t meant to be, but he convinced you to stay because sometimes everybody goes through their spells of doubt. But, when it came to Jeon Jeongguk, there were never any doubts.

It’s him.

It was always him. And, when answering a question involving inspiration as to why Jeongguk chose the career path he is on- the words you had spoken to him back in high school were repeated, and your heart turned with the longing that never dimmed. You love Taehyung, and that was never a lie; he unknowingly helped you through a tremendous heartbreak that ultimately revealed to be a misunderstanding that still leaves you humiliated to reminisce upon. And even now, standing within the living room of your home, you no longer can take it; sauntering to the kitchen table, you scoop up your car keys, slipping on your shoes, there is only one destination in mind. Locking the door behind you, the crisp air of the evening that wafts along your face is a reminder of the tears still wanting to fall, and when your car roars to life, your vision adjusts past the tears, and you turn out of the driveway on a mission.

A mission to find some form of healing.

10 years earlier…

{14}

Sunshine reflects off the bleachers enough to cause your eyes to squint toward your notebook where you sketch enough doodles to realize you have not made a dent in your homework. How can you? The pang of a soccer ball bounces off a shoe into the air- kicked with intense force to cause your wandering eyes to view the anger now contorting the player’s expression. His lips stay in a firm pink line, but the dew from the earlier rain unexpectedly slips him onto his back while cocky laughter reverberates beyond the field. Heart turning with sadness, you remain hidden within your favorite spot, though even from a distance, you can see evidently that his feelings are hurt.

“C’mon, Jeongguk, you can’t make the team!” Kevin, the most raucous bully of the school clutches at his stomach overdramatically while his posse looms behind him. “You can barely make the tennis team! You’re in over your head, man,” and with that, they scurry off, shoving into each other’s shoulders as if they have accomplished the funniest gig when really, the most they have accomplished is the nausea rearing within your stomach. And, as much as you want to take a stand for the boy now swiping at his clothes, you shyly hold back continuing to seem hidden high up on the bleachers where he never seems to notice you exist.

Here is where you wait until your father comes to pick you up; unless it is overwhelmingly crowded, you tend to wander off in the opposite direction. You will hide within the room where the drama club meets to practice their lines. It may be halfway into your first year of high school, but you have successfully memorized every aspect of the school building, and while the memory dissipates, you cuddle your notebook to your chest when you watch the lanky kid spit out sentences of curse words before swinging his arm around in a mimic of punching someone.

Jeongguk is not the only one who has had his fair share of Kevin. It was elementary school when you first became acquainted with the two, and the memory still haunts you at times to this day:

“Piggy! Piggy! You’re a chubby piggy!” Kevin would, for lack of a better term, romantically sing to you, side stepping a full circle around you to where you would feel cornered. At eight years old, you were slightly on the chubby side though by nine years old you slimmed up, but on that particular day at eight years of age, Kevin took his demeaning banter too far pushing you severely to the limit. Jabbing a finger into your face, his snotty nose almost made you hurl on his brand-new sneakers.

“Shut up Kevin!” You warned whilst your stubby digits curled into your palms.

“Make me, four eyes!”

Glaring at him, you wished he would disappear as easily as a magic trick, and your fists remained glued to your sides while you fumed. Your stomach growled above the intense anxiety within your abdomen, and you were livid enough at this kid for interrupting your snack time. Tears gathered when you couldn’t find a swift comeback.

“Hey!” A young voice yelled. “That’s not very nice!”

Turning, you saw a dark-haired boy an inch or two taller than you with puffy, red cheeks and bright, brown eyes whose mouth pulled into a pucker once his eyebrows knitted together. Instinctively your mouth flew open as you gazed at your knight in shining armor.

“I don’t care!” Kevin blasted. “She’s a four-eyed pickle brain!”

That was it.

Slowly, you faced Kevin, the fire burning in your palms had never felt so real and before you could control yourself, you smacked him as hard as you could across his face. Kevin gasped in terror as he tumbled to the ground, crying dramatically once his hand pressed against his reddened cheek. Embarrassment washed over mingled with immense fear when you realized what you had done. Kids had been so busy enjoying their lunches throughout the picnic tables that they hadn’t noticed Kevin’s relentless sobs. Taking a step back, you lifted your hand to your mouth to stifle the triumphant smile wanting to grow at the sudden action. You smacked Kevin! The biggest bully you had ever known. Your palm and fingers were slightly pink from the aftermath and despite your heart ramming along your ribcage, you enjoyed that subtle sense of pride.

“What happened? Kevin, love, what happened?” The teacher ran quickly toward the tear-stained boy, bending down to rub his shoulder in an attempt to comfort. A blush crept its way to your ears as you watched the teacher lift the child to his feet. Already visualizing Kevin pointing an accusing finger toward you, you felt the ground being ripped from beneath your feet.

Kevin stuttered, hardly understanding a word he blubbered, “"She-he sma -ah-acked muh-muh-muh-me.”

“Is this true?” The teacher questioned, quite stunned to think a quiet student as yourself would ever do such a thing, but in the teacher’s defense, she was unaware of the turmoil Kevin continuously put you through. Frozen stiff, your eyes enlarged in evident fear, swallowing the lump in your throat trying to gather words, but had not had the chance to speak when someone unexpectedly spoke up on your behalf.

“I-I did it, Misses Kim.”

Those were not your words.

Those were from the little boy who feigned being ashamed as he locked his hands behind his back, staring at the ground. His bottom lip jutted out to add to the effect and all you could wonder was what this insane boy was doing. His eyes met yours for the first time when he raised his head, let me handle it, he pleaded with you before returning to Miss Kim. “He called me a bad word so I… I hit him.”

“Oh, Jeongguk.” Miss Kim sighed. “I am extremely disappointed in you.”

“Bu-But!” Kevin blurted, but the teacher continued.

“The two of you will have to see the principal. I’ll phone both of your parents as well,” she straightened her frame, leading the two boys toward the school while you remained sticker shocked. Jeongguk, head casted downward, slipped his small hands into his pockets, and to this day, you still could not believe the bravery he had. Jeongguk was your hero in that moment years ago and risked his school record for a girl who was verbally bullied by some petty kid who has nothing better to do than bring others down.

Jeongguk hadn’t known you that well back then and he still took the blame. In fact, that was the day nearly seven years ago when your heart leaped every time you would see him walking the hallways. He and Kevin were let off with a warning by the principal and you hoped that Jeongguk would become your friend after his stunt, but unfortunately, it had never happened and he was switched to a different class, so they could keep him, and Kevin separated to prevent further troubles if any were to happen. And as humiliating as it is to admit it, you remember crying when you discovered he wouldn’t be in your class for the rest of the year which kept you from ever being able to thank him for sticking up for you.

Now at fourteen, you watch him from a distance wishing life would bring him to you as it did when you were eight. Jeongguk, focused, kicks the soccer ball again where it soars into the goal, the net rebounding the ball back onto the ground. He stands in awe, breathing heavily as he bows forward to place his hands on his waist- hair swooping over his eyes, probably annoyed that Kevin isn’t there to witness the success. I believe in you, you want to whisper to the breeze hoping miraculously that your encouragement would reach him, but instead, you bite the corner of your lip nervously. Of course, Kevin is the current star of the soccer and tennis teams, and he is still the jerk you always knew him as. And, since it has been a solid seven years since the incident from elementary school, between the two boys it has been forgotten.

You jump when your phone buzzes harshly against the metal of the bleacher to see it is a text message from your dad of his arrival. From your peripheral vision, Jeongguk’s head shoots up to see you scrambling to compile your books into your backpack, eventually jogging to where your dad typically parks. Praying under your breath, you hope Jeongguk isn’t watching you, or finding you weird for sitting out there alone, or here you go overanalyzing absolutely any situation involving him… Again. Heart thudding in your temples, you hope the lad isn’t embarrassed if he were to think that you happened to witness the situation with Kevin earlier on the field. If only Jeongguk knew how much you want to support him.

Flinging the car door open, you roughly seat yourself inside.

“Whoa there, Kid. Someone’s in a hurry, eh?” Your dad’s deep voice greets you as he chuckles. Exasperation forms into a sigh, so you shut your eyes momentarily.

“Sorry dad, I just want to go home.”

“Alrighty then, but you’re okay though, right?”

“I am.” You promise in a murmur, shifting to face the window where the countryside zips past. Your father always knows when to let you have your time to yourself which is something you have always appreciated. Plus, you haven’t found the courage to talk to him when it comes to the topic involving boys. As protective as your father is, you know better than to bring it up.

Upon the arrival of home, a small house, fit for a family of three is nestled in a quiet suburban area where the neighbors respectfully tend to themselves and there’s hardly any space to run which you happen to not mind. To your pleasant surprise, your mother greets you and your father at the door. The smell of food wafts prompting your mouth to water.

“You’re home early!” You say cheerfully whilst your mom pecks the side of your forehead.

“A lot of staff today, so they sent me home.” She smiles as she turns to finish preparing dinner. Your parents have always been wonderful at conversation which you are highly grateful for, and once dinner is served, you help set the table before taking a seat across from your mother. Your father sits in the chair to your right. Each of you speak on how your days have gone which your parents enjoy hearing things are going well on your end. Though you normally tell your parents everything, especially your whereabouts when you’re hanging out with a friend, one thing they are not aware of is your distant crush on Jeon Jeongguk. At times, you almost confess to your mom, hoping she can give you some advice, but the other factor that comes into play is that you and he aren’t… friends really, just acquaintances which others may find bizarre as to why you are so infatuated with him. But you want nothing more than to be his friend if that’s all it takes.

"So,” your mother’s voice breaks the brief silence, dispersing any thoughts involving Jeongguk. “Now that you are finally in high school, you know, one step closer to being an adult…" She pauses. “Have you been thinking about colleges yet?" Mom stabs at her salad with her fork, the plate clinking beneath each jab. Pausing mid-chew, eyes wide, her question catching you off guard; you can feel your dad's stare as he remains silent.

"Well," you say reaching to take a sip of water. "I mean, it's a little too soon to tell right now… I think. Maybe." Stuttering, you nervously crumple a napkin in your hand.

When an excruciatingly few more minutes, pass with the same awkward silence, your mom chuckles. "I'm just messing with you. I’m not ready for my baby to grow up!"

"Oh, my goodness, mom, you scared me!" You reply in obvious relief noticing your dad's shoulders shake as he tries to contain his laughter. "She had you there for a minute."

When dinner is finished, after some more frilly laughter, you help with the dishes before running to your room. You shut the door behind you in anticipation for the warmth of your bed covers. It doesn’t take long to put on pajamas after brushing your teeth and once your frame tangles into the comforter, you feel better. The memory of the very first day of high school filling your mind until you drift to sleep.

{15}

Summer break always brings a loneliness that you dread especially in sleep when nothing, but the images of Jeongguk’s face haunt you in the sweetest way. How is it that a student, meaning you, counts down the days until they see their crush again? How is it that you actually enjoy being at school because it means Jeon Jeongguk? You get it. It’s not normal. It’s not normal for a teenager to beg for time to pass swiftly just to roam the halls of school again.

When you find yourself entering your first class to begin your second year of high school, your stomach flips immediately which increases your heart rate at the sight of Jeongguk. For the first time since children, you now share a class together which means you will see him up close every day versus a far distance between the bleachers and the field. Refraining from smiling giddily like the maniac you want to say you are, you bow your head as you find a seat to descend into. A seat that rests beside a girl with faded purple strands and kind eyes. She doesn’t seem familiar, so you figure she is new to the school.

Flitting your stare, you see the way a boy with dark hair gazes at the girl before taking his seat. At some point in a span of a few minutes, you learn that his name is Jimin, and her name is Monnie. Something about them makes you smile; it is as if they have a chemistry that is so obvious that even grown adults in established relationships would be envious of the bond they share. If only you could say that about Jeon Jeongguk… But that would require interacting with him. Which then requires bravery. And that is something you do not know how to collect without humiliation following close behind it.

Weeks pass further into the school year. The more you keep your ears alert, you tune into conversation between the new classmates as well as the whispers in the hallways involving them. Park Jimin is not only a fellow classmate of your first subject but started attending the drama club alongside Monnie. It is rumored that Jimin starred in a childhood movie that used to be popular. And if you heard correctly, Monnie was in the movie also which is how the two initially met. Jeongguk, who you have noticed has been adopted into their friend group, smiles widely at the couple and plants himself comfortably into the chair behind Jimin while they giggle about something you didn’t quite catch.

Trying not to gaze too long at the trio, you remember last week Jimin, and Monnie were trying to convince Jeongguk to join the drama club because he always had a passion for acting which is something new that you learned about him. Jeongguk seemed uncomfortable from what you gathered, but your heart bloomed with the hope that he would show up to the scheduled times the club usually meets. Would this be the year that he changes his mind? And why was he so nervous? If acting is his passion, why not give drama club a chance?

It is a typical Monday morning, one you did not anticipate, after organizing your wardrobe in the order of favorite outfits you plan to wear for the week. A strange urge to style your hair and paint on a bit of makeup surprises you, but you woke early enough to make it happen, and you throw on your first favorite outfit of the week. You feel oddly confident in yourself for reasons you haven’t quite figured out. Regardless, you roll with it. Is this a way to see if Jeongguk will notice you for once this morning?

Well, he doesn’t.

Maybe if you busy your mind with something else it will help. So, you do. Doodling along a piece of notebook paper shielded by your binder, you are tempted to write his initials within the hearts you’ve drawn but resist. With your luck, the teacher will catch you and read the drawings in front of the class. Then, your crush will be made known. A crush that he may dismiss or be confused by since neither of you talk. Sometimes, you just wish he simply knew you existed.

Drama Club becomes your primary focus once you near the end of your final class of the day. Mrs. Lee already passed the scripts for Romeo and Juliet last week for everyone to study. Today is the day she will have the students read their parts aloud. When the bell rings, you fumble through your backpack until your fingers grip the side of the play and as the anxiety starts to flutter within your stomach, you gulp.

The walk isn’t far, but your steps halt, tongue mutes, and sweat beads form along the line of your forehead the moment your gaze briefly meets the eyes of Jeon Jeongguk. He’s here!? In drama club? He decided to join after all!? Jimin who happens to be sat beside Jeongguk, nudges his shoulder to show him a funny video on his cellphone which disrupts you from your reverie. Did Jeongguk just catch you looking at him?

Your mouth feels dry at this point, and you hurriedly find a seat four chairs away from him to figure out how to steady your breathing. You thought you were anxious before, but the clammy feel of your palms on top of quivering fingers show that it escalated the moment your eyes met. How can someone have this much of a hold over you unintentionally? None of this makes any sense to you, but there is something about this human being that drives you mad.

Your bag slips to the ground by your side while your eyes glue to the script before you. The words of Mrs. Lee echo in the room once everyone arrives, but you are so muddled you hardly grasp what she is saying. All you know is that you are assigned to be the narrator which is easy for you to find because your part is in italics mostly. And then, you silently breathe a slow sigh of relief when Jeongguk is introduced to everyone by Mrs. Lee, and she assigns him the part of Paris since one of the students originally assigned is out sick.

You feel relief because that means Jeongguk isn’t going to be assigned Romeo. And that is because you aren’t assigned Juliet. The last thing you want is to see him, although acting, face to face with another girl. It would hurt and you don’t have time to be hurt. Even though it is you hurting yourself.

One thing you did happen to observe is how timid Jeongguk became when he was introduced as the new addition to the drama club. Is he really that shy? Or did he seem like he didn’t want anyone to know that he is going to be a part of the club in itself?

Unfortunately, he still gets taunted by Kevin which tears your heart into pieces, but Kevin wouldn’t cause him any hell over this right? Drama club isn’t even embarrassing, so why would Jeongguk be embarrassed? Are his parents against him having a passion to become an actor? Maybe it’s a family thing he is worried about.

You really overthink too much; you scold yourself inwardly.

{16}

College planning becomes the ultimate priority when entering the final year of high school. You even gained a friend in a sweet girl named LenLen whose sleek, black hair is tossed behind her shoulders while she concentrates on the task at hand. Last year happens to be a blur, and you spent the summer hanging out with LenLen, but keeping your secret about Jeongguk buried until you feel it is safe to bring it to life.

Speaking of Jeongguk, he hardly came to drama club all last year until the very end when he became even closer to Jimin and Monnie. They must have done an excellent job encouraging him because he doesn’t want the entire school to know that he loves to act, and it shows, yet he attended much more than you expected the final months of the last semester. What is he so afraid of? You still haven’t figured it out.

Rubbing your fingers along your forehead in exhaustion, jittery nerves bundle at your fingertips as your eyes burn from staring at the computer screen too long. LenLen asked if you would meet her at the library after class to apply for colleges, and she is typing away at the keyboard while you take a mini break.

There is only one college you have your heart set on the second you discovered it over the summer, and the only college you want to attend:

Konkuk University.

It is the top college you can attend to pursue a degree in acting. The constant talk of colleges amongst the teachers have reminded students to start preparing for where they will want to go to begin their dream careers. Your parents have been doing research along with you to colleges you can apply for, but Konkuk seems to be where you want to go. Where you feel, you are destined to go. The excitement of even applying to Konkuk seems to be the only thing on your mind.

Promising LenLen you will save her a seat in the cafeteria, you click off Konkuk’s website, sling your backpack over your shoulder and rush to make it to the lunch line. She arrives around ten minutes later, sitting across from you as your lunch trays almost collide. It’s as if your peripherals pick up her presence, but your pupils do not leave the sight you cannot believe you are seeing.

Jeongguk must have gained a new friend too because there he is entering the cafeteria alongside Kevin and his clique. Whatever Kevin said to impress Jeongguk is beyond you, but who in their right mind would see Kevin as a good guy? He has bullied so many people, yet Jeongguk gave him a chance to redeem himself. Or at least, that is what you are trying to tell yourself. You are stunned by the revelation that you almost miss the statement LenLen makes.

“I see you staring.” She smirks, kicking at your shoe as an equivalent to elbowing you if she wasn’t sitting across from you. You can’t help the way your eyes enlarge in response.

“Wha- what do you mean?”

Winking, “I think you know exactly what I mean.”

Shifting your stare towards Jeongguk, you want to cringe at the thought that somebody has figured out your secret. Or maybe you want to cringe because you have made it way too obvious. You decide to play dumb.

“Wh-who?”

“Kevin, silly! You haven’t stopped staring at him all day!”

Oh, the way your jaw drops so quickly and abruptly. It’s as if you are offended because in all honesty, you are. But LenLen is nowhere near at fault for that. Kevin just has no chance with you even if he is to be the last man on earth.

“Kevin!?” You manage to say with your voice cracking. “You think I’m looking at Kevin!?”

She swiftly examines the group of guys just to shrug. “Well, who are you looking at then?” Looking down at your food, which you have been nibbling on, you quickly start eating it again. LenLen gets the point and doesn't press any further. "Well... Whoever it is, just talk to him!" Though her intentions are genuinely pure, it’s easier said than done. You still haven’t worked up the courage to approach him. It has been years that you have known his existence, yet you haven’t said a word to him to try and introduce him into your world.

Months disappear into time and the one day you miss due to being sick is of course a day where one of your teachers passed out a test. So, guess where you are today? Staying after school to make up a test. Once turned in, Mr. Von leaves in a hurry, but you don’t immediately text your dad to be on his way. Instead, you shuffle through your backpack to find the script for A Midsummer Night's Dream to quickly highlight your lines to give yourself some quiet time.

Hearing footsteps reverberate in the hallway, a chirpy whistle is keeping up with the beat of each step. You keep your focus unbroken and manage tuning out the sounds. You do catch, however, the footsteps passing the open door, halting, to then backpedaling as if the person notices you are in the classroom.

“Hey there!” The deep voice is as happy as the melody he had been whistling, but there is something familiar about the sound of his voice. “Y/N, right?”

“Yes!” You reply faster than you mean to, and once your eyes lift to the figure before you, there is a moment where you want to run, but also a moment that makes the world around you disappear into the depths of your brain cells. Jeon Jeongguk. The person who entered the classroom is Jeon Jeongguk. Holy shit.

What do you say? How do you speak? Where do you begin? How do you begin if there was never a beginning? How do you breathe? How do you blink? How do you stand? How do you walk? How do you act normal? How do you even even?

“I’m Jeongguk,” he offers his hand, and then you must coax yourself to shake it, but even then, you are questioning how you reach your hand forward to slap palms and shake his hand.

“Nice-nice to meet y-you.” You force your biggest smile, but that feels awkward. Amazed, you can’t believe you’re even audible when speaking because your voice is coming out so quiet. You are nervous meaning you’re either going to be too loud or too quiet.

He nods. “You did great today by the way… Playing Titania.” One thing you have gathered about Jeongguk this year so far is that he has become so outgoing compared to previous years of knowing him. He is one of those guys who will talk to just about anybody and knows how to keep a conversation going. If only those were skills, you developed because you just make things plain awkward.

“And you did wonderful playing Oberon.” The blush heats upon your chest and cheeks while you return the compliment. Can your heart pound any harder? Any faster? You figure he is bringing this up in general because Mrs. Lee plans on quizzing everybody on their lines in preparation for the play. Your eyes trail him from the tips of his shoes to the handsome curve of his chin, and you hate the affect he has on you even over a small conversation.

Why is he so attractive?

The silence is smothering, but he holds a soft grin as he turns to lean against a desk behind him. “Thank you.” He murmurs, shoving his slim fingers into his pockets. Why does he seem so distant suddenly? Does this mean you leave? Why leave when you have waited to magically be alone with him for years just to be able to obsessively write in your journal every single detail you remember of sharing your first real conversation with Jeongguk? Goodness, you need help. He’s just a guy. But you know very well that trying to chalk this up as ‘no big deal’ isn’t going to work. Because him standing before you is, indeed, a big ass deal.

Jeongguk clears his throat. “I know this is random, but you seem very passionate about what you do. Have you ever had a dream that you were uncertain about? Like… you knew that it was exactly what you wanted to do, but you were scared maybe… it was too good to be true?”

Looking down for a moment, you know what he is saying. Everyone has experienced this a time or two in their life. Possibly even more. Chasing dreams can be scary, but that’s what makes it rewarding. He's obviously talking about acting. And from the past few months of the drama club, Jeongguk really has it in him. He really can act. Every line he's ever given, he's always shown the right amount of emotion. Each character he's given to portray, he knows exactly what to do and how to depict that character in the most beautiful way. He hardly ever receives criticism from Mrs. Lee, and he receives tons of standing ovations for his outstanding performances from his peers and you know deep down an audience will follow behind in his future.

You can never understand why he's always been so ashamed of his talent. Who cares what anybody thinks? Especially Kevin. Nobody cares about him, nor his thoughts anyway. So, why should Jeongguk? After a second, you realize he's still waiting for you to speak.

Deciding to take this opportunity, you give him some advice. If anything, maybe it will help him. Possibly stick with him for the rest of his life. Now that would be too good to be true. You just need to try. You’re so tired of him being ashamed of the drama club. He should never be ashamed of his talent. Or himself.

"Jeongguk..." Wetting your lips before you continue, you try desperately to gather your words. "Don't ever be afraid of chasing your dreams. You know you can do it, so why are you afraid of what other people think?" He looks at you, lips parted, his brown eyes deeply searching yours. "You know you're good enough to make it. So, go for it. I mean it." You know you’re coming off a little stern, but it's time for him to know the truth about how you feel. Even if it’s only the brim of the whole damn truth. "You are so talented, Jeongguk. I always wish I could perform like you; convey emotion as you do with every character you're given."

He grins shyly, leaning off the desk and reaching over to give you a side hug. "You know, I have never heard you talk this much before!" He pulls away, his eyes never leaving yours. "Thank you. That means so much.”

"Hey.” You murmur softly. Unintentionally yet boldly, you pinch his chin gently between your fingertips to keep his gaze from faltering. “Don't be afraid anymore, Jeongguk. Okay?”

Sincerity fills his eyes as you give him a terse nod. Knowing your dad is probably waiting for you outside at this point since it has been too long for you to not text him, you collect your bag and duck out of the classroom, your heart still pounding as if you just ran a marathon.

Either way, you’re thankful. Giddy, even. That's the first time you and Jeongguk have held a conversation, and that's the very first time you've ever told him what you think of him and his many talents. The only thing you left out was the never-ending crush you've had on him because now is not the time to reveal something that most likely wouldn’t make any sense to him. Sometimes, you don’t fully understand how deep your feelings for him go.

And that is okay with you.

-

The Friendship Phase

{17}

Familiarity in the form of heated bleachers against the skin of the bottoms of your legs bring a subtle comfort while your eyes scan the pages of the book assigned in literature class. With only a few months away from graduation, there is also the spring play to look forward to in a span of a few weeks yet the only thing you can genuinely rejoice about is the newfound friend you have in Jeon Jeongguk.

Yes, you thought that correctly.

You are now friends with Jeon Jeongguk which obviously deepened your feelings stronger than you ever thought possible. Shifting your mind, you scope the endless colorful, sticky notes sticking out of all sides of this book. You have always taken your studies seriously which is something your parents are very proud of, but sometimes you are exhausted.

Sounds of enthusiastic footsteps pounce along the metal bleachers which captures your attention to look up. “Hey, y/n,” your heart melts as Jeongguk’s bunny grin includes a brief wave of his thin hand.

“Hey there.” You coo even though you didn’t mean to coo. Jeongguk plops next to you leaning into you swiftly to then stretching his long legs on the empty bleacher in front of him. “I heard Jimin pranked you earlier.” Jeongguk shudders but in a humorous way at your random statement.

“And they just had the audacity to film the whole thing.”  

“You have the best reactions, and you know it.” You can’t help but chuckle with him as he shakes his head. With one hand, he ruffles his bangs, his smile staying intact.

“I’ll get him back.”

“When-”

“Nobody knows. It could be today, tomorrow or Friday the thirteenth.”

Teasingly, you roll your eyes. “Well, I’ll believe it when I see it.”

He elbows the side of your ribs prompting you to snicker at him. After a moment, the silence only lasts shortly while Jeongguk eyes you curiously. “Have you applied to Konkuk, yet?”

You remember the eagerness you felt last night once it was completed and submitted. “Applied last night, have you?”

His dream has also been Konkuk University which you had no idea until months earlier when the friendship blossomed. Acting comes in handy especially at a time like this because hiding feelings from the one person you’ve been infatuated with since elementary school might burn the chance of him staying in your life. If a friendship is all he wants from you, then a friendship from you he will have no matter the pain.

“Of course!” Jeongguk’s enthusiasm shows in his voice as he stares out onto the soccer field and the bright, blue sky. “We will have to celebrate!”

Smiling, you shake your head at his optimism with the hope for this dream to come true remaining. “Jeongguk, I don’t even know if I’ve been accepted, yet!”

“I have no doubt,” he reaches over and pats your shoulder, inwardly making your heart skip a beat. It’s then the familiar buzz of your phone reminds you of your father’s arrival to pick you up and though you love your father, it takes everything in you not to groan. If you could sit here with Jeongguk forever, you would.

“Thank you, Guk.” You say, nudging his shoulder with your own as you move to stand to your feet. His eyes always show a serenity when you use the nickname you gave him. It happened randomly but also naturally as if he has been your friend longer than he actually has. Jeongguk looks up at you, positioning his head where the sun isn’t shining in his eyes.

“What are you doing later?” You wonder, hugging your binder to your chest after slinging your bookbag over your shoulder.

“I’m practicing dance moves with Jimin and Monnie. There are a few moves they’ve been struggling with, so I offered to help.”

Auditions for the spring musical were a few weeks ago, and already being assigned roles, everyone in the drama club has been practicing nonstop in preparation for the play. Jeongguk stands to his feet leaning backward to stretch. “You can come if you want to,” he insists, standing straighter. “I’d love for you to join.”

Though disappointment fills you (because when do you not want to be with Jeongguk), you remember your mom is planning on cooking dinner tonight, and you need to study not only for a quiz on Friday but study the couple lines you have for the musical as well as the songs of choice. “I can’t tonight, but I’ll catch you tomorrow?”

“I’ll catch you tomorrow.” Guk raises his arms in the air, pulling you into a tight hug. As the both of you sway from side to side, you take in the faint smell of his cologne, his smooth chin resting against your forehead. It takes everything in you not to move to kiss him but then you remember that you’ve never been kissed. Pulling away slightly, you notice the atmosphere change, as if a nervous tension has made its appearance between you two. Slowly lifting your head, you see Jeongguk’s ajar lips first before he swallows. Refraining from scrunching your eyebrows, you have no idea what to make of this moment with his arms still wrapped around you.

Is there more that he wants to say?

Abruptly, as if lightning has struck, Jeongguk presses his lips ever so softly on your reddening cheek. Eyes wide and heart ramming against your sternum, you don’t even have time to react before he sprints off. Your fingertips touch the tingling spot of your cheek and now you will be counting down the minutes until you get to see him again.

-

The practices for the musical are building excitement for everyone in the drama club. The adrenaline rush of performing in front of a live audience along with the impact of the music when everyone’s voices join in loud harmony; the dance moves growing more in sync with every practice, the pure joy of getting to share this dream with people considered your second family; absolutely all of it gives everyone something to look forward to and you wouldn’t change that for the world.

Turning the page to your wrinkled script, you briefly study the highlighted lines. The air outside has warmed, the cloudy day giving off a strange feeling as you try to focus on the words in front of you.

Instead of pouncing feet, this time the footsteps are slower, heavier, dragging even. Curiosity mingled with concern fills you as you turn to see a quiet Jeon Jeongguk who is eyeing the ground, hands in pockets, pink lips in a straight line, walking to take a seat next to you. Furrowing your eyebrows, you’re surprised at his sudden change in demeanor. You haven’t seen him like this in a while.

This morning he was all smiles and dancing his little jigs down the hallway whenever it was time to go to class. At first, you’re at a loss of what to say, and when Jeongguk, finally meets your gaze, he swallows a lump in his throat.

“Something’s going on with Monnie and Jimin.” He murmurs, concern evident in his features. He scratches at his knee then slips his slim fingers into his pocket. Shock fills you.

“What!?” Replaying the day's events, it’s hard to keep up with Jimin and Monnie during the school day versus seeing them at drama club. Observing Guk, worry remains in his expression.

“Jimin won’t tell me what’s going on, but he’s been upset all day.” He chews the side of his cheek, his eyes zoned out in front of him.

“Have you spoken to Monnie?” Now realizing, the two of them haven’t texted in the group chat in a while, and you beat yourself up for being so oblivious.

Jeongguk shakes his head slowly, meeting your eyes. “She dodges me and Jimin every time we try to catch her attention.” Running a hand through his dark hair, he lets out a long sigh through his nose. All you know is whatever is going on is not good. Jimin and Monnie are crazy about each other whether they will admit it or not.

“What about practice? When’s the last time you all got together for that?” Bringing your hand to your mouth, you can’t help gnawing on your nails, anxiety for your friends rising. Also, Jeongguk has been practicing dance moves with them a lot recently; with Jimin, playing the prince, and Monnie, playing the main fairy, which are the lead roles, practice for them is imperative.

“A few days ago.”

“And everything was fine then?”

“Yeah.” Jeongguk is so quiet that you barely hear him. Your heart breaks, not only for the sadness of this situation. Without thinking, you set your stuff to the side, scooting closer to him, leaning your head against his shoulder. Your heart thumps within you at your sudden gesture, and self-consciously wondering what he may have thought of it. To your surprise he leans his head against yours, his warmth bringing peace after hearing the news about his friends.

Selfishly, you’ve daydreamed about his kiss from the other day, but now you can’t even bring yourself to smile about it giddily as you’ve been. Until Jimin, Monnie and Jeongguk are okay, you aren’t going to feel okay.

Inwardly, you hope everything works out for the two of them. They are beautiful souls made just for each other; and whatever is going on, you hope it doesn’t last forever. Staring at the sky, Jeongguk and you don’t speak, just sit comfortably in the silence. You can’t help but shove the fear aside- the fear of losing him. The past few months have been nothing, but you and him: becoming closer, encouraging each other, dreaming of your futures as well as the mutual excitement of hopefully attending the same college, dancing together, singing at the top of your lungs purposely missing notes, meeting at your favorite spot on the bleachers (your everyday routine) until your dad picks you up; it has been the most magical few months you’ll forever be thankful for. You just can’t imagine the two of you ever losing touch, and you don’t want to.

Still cuddled up on his shoulder, you look down to see how near his hand is to yours. The back of his hand is so close that the desire to intertwine your fingers with his is hard to ignore. Swallowing, the nerves build within you, contemplating on if you should just do it and see what happens, or not do it for the fear of rejection. The second you slightly move your hand even closer to his, your phone buzzes.

Jeongguk lifts his head in response, unaware of your almost gesture, and looks toward your phone. “Is that your dad?”

“Yeah,” you sigh, not in frustration, but more of disappointment only because you’re not ready to leave Jeongguk. Meeting his eyes, he gives you a silly grin.

“Well, I will see you tomorrow. I’ll update you if Jimin tells me what’s up.” Jeongguk stands along with you as you turn to stuff your notes in your bag. “In the meantime, I think I’m going to go kick some ball with Kevin and his friend Shownu. Namjoon and Hoseok may be joining, too.” As soon as you zip your bag up and sling it over your shoulder, Jeongguk wraps you in his arms. It is a tradition, you have noticed, that you both do before you leave to meet with your dad.

“I hope you have fun,” your voice is soft, savoring every second of his embrace. You get one more squeeze, nodding once when you both pull away. “Wait!” You spew the moment Jeongguk starts to turn on a heel. If you can’t hold his hand yet, then you will return his gesture from what feels like forever ago. A gesture the pair of you haven’t talked about… yet. On your tiptoes, your palms greet his shoulders, and you plant the sweetest kiss you can on his cheek. He is just as stunned as you are, but you do not give him time to react.

You jog up the bleachers toward the direction of your dad’s parked car. The ride home goes by fast because your mind is on full blast. Dad and you make small talk, but you don’t remember it because all you can think about is how soft Jeongguk’s skin felt against your lips.

As soon as the car parks in the driveway, you immediately run to the mailbox trying to force a distraction. Because did Jeongguk like it? Will he think you’re crazy? He kissed you so why couldn’t you kiss him back? Is he going to act weird about it tomorrow? Will he say anything?

You dissipate the thoughts by roughly shaking your head and return to the squeaky sound of the lid to the mailbox opening. Ever since applying to Konkuk, it’s been your number one priority to check the mail after school each afternoon. With already anxious fingers, you peek inside the dim, small space. A large, white letter outstands the rest of what you assume is junk mail and the panicky jitters swarm in your stomach.

Reaching for the largest letter, you see your name in bold letters, a smile forming on your lips as excitement fills you. Running your eyes to the corner of the letter, there in the most beautifully typed font reads:

Konkuk University.

-

When school starts the following morning, you’re all smiles as you tuck the unopened letter in one of your folders and settle it into your backpack. If there’s anyone in the world you want to open this letter with, it’s Jeon Jeongguk. Sitting in the first few classes nearly drives you mad as the nerves build with every second. Not just nerves involving whether you have been accepted into your dream college or not, but nerves from the kisses. They weren’t on the lips, but kissing someone’s cheek is just as much of a big deal, right?

You carefully scan the crowded hallways between each class period, trying to stay alert for any signs of Jimin or Monnie. You texted Monnie last night to check up on her, but she was very concise with her reply, and you knew it was best to let her be until she feels better. Whatever is going on is her business and you never want to pry.

LenLen was also the next person you texted, letting her know you received your letter from Konkuk. She showed her excitement with all caps and exclamation points leaving you a wide smile before you fell asleep. Despite the college excitement, you also scribbled in your journal about the events with Jeongguk because you wanted to remember that moment for eternity.

Now, nearing the end of the school day, the sun is shining high in the sky as you cling onto the strap of your backpack that seems to live on your shoulder. Heading in the direction of the bleachers to the soccer field, you hear the familiar joyful voice of Jeongguk.

“Y/N! Y/N!” He shouts, and before you can fully turn around, he lifts you in the air and twirls you around in his embrace. You laugh hysterically, watching as he does a little ditty, shuffling his feet in one of his infamous robotic dance moves after setting you down. As soon as he finishes, he rests his hands on your shoulders. “I got accepted! Konkuk accepted me! I am going to Konkuk University!”

“Oh, Guk!” You shout gleefully, crashing into his arms again while he sways you. “I am so proud of you!”

“Did you get your letter?” He gleams, pulling away from the hug, his hands now lingering on your elbows.

Nervously nodding whilst biting your bottom lip, you turn to unzip your bag, pulling out the folder you kept the letter in. “I haven’t opened it, yet.” You admit. A blush creeps on your cheeks. Confusion clouds Jeongguk’s eyes as he looks at you.

“Oh?”

“I wanted you with me.” Holding his eyes, his lips part then relax into a timid grin. With shaky fingers, you thumb at the flap of the envelope, carefully opening it. Your heart pounds loudly as you gulp. Once you free the letter from its thin package, you unfold it slowly, bringing it to your line of vision.

Taking a moment to find the sentence you need to read, your shoulders go rigid, your fingertips are suddenly ice cold as the whole world around you stops. Tears brim in your eyes, as your heart falls to the ground in shattered glass pieces.

To: [Y/L/N] [Y/F/N],

Thank you for your application into our Acting and Arts program as we are very honored for your consideration of us to pursue your educational career path. We are very sorry and regretful to say that we are not able to accept your admission to Konkuk University at this time…

The words blur before you. Your mouth hangs open, but no words are coming out. Every hope and dream you had for attending Konkuk has disappeared along with the excitement you had been feeling since applying. The emptiness in your chest is smothering you, and the worst part is…

“Y/N?” Jeongguk steps forward, worry all over his face as his gentle voice brings you back to the present. Realizing you haven’t said a word, your eyes shoot to meet his.

The even worse of the worst part is, the one person who has finally entered your life; the one person who you dreamed of being by your side through college and hopefully further in life; the one person who you’ve been inseparable with for a short span of time, will be far away. Konkuk is about five hours away from your town, and just the thought of hardly getting to see Jeongguk destroys you.

Tears spill onto your cheeks. You have no words. Bringing a shaky hand to your face, you run. The letter sways in the wind behind you as you choke back a fit of sobs. Guk’s voice calls your name, but it fades in the distance. You run elsewhere. Anywhere that is not you and Jeongguk’s favorite spot; any place where you will not be found.

At least, not until your father picks you up from school.

Devastation overwhelms you as the tears continuously soak your cheeks. All your hopes were set on Konkuk University. And, for the first time in a long time,

you feel stuck.

-

The covers of your bed have never felt so welcoming as you cuddle further under the comforter. The empty feeling in your chest is prominent as you try to shove the earlier humiliation from your mind. Squeezing the bridge of your nose, heavy footsteps catch your attention.

“Hey…” The deep voice of your dad sounds as he cracks the door open. With red, puffy eyes, you look at him, his sad face showing pity. “Mom and I are heading out to visit your grandma.” It looks as if he wants to invite you to come but knowing the information you received today along with your sloppy appearance, he decides against it. “Just wanted you to know that your mom and I are proud of you. Always. Don’t let this end your hope.” Blinking back tears, you force a grin at your dad’s words. “There’s always an answer. Konkuk just happened to not be it.”

Nodding, a tear slides down your cheek while your dad continues. “Don’t give up, y/n. We believe in you.”

Thanking him hoarsely, your dad gives a nod, closing the door behind him. Minutes drag, and you decide to brush your teeth to rid of the sour taste in your mouth and prepare for bed early. Maybe sleeping will help you escape this misery for a while. Once you’re freshened up, you throw on a pair of yoga pants and a loose T-shirt refusing to look in the mirror at your appearance and trying to enjoy the freedom of not wearing a bra. As you make your way to your bed again, you lift the blankets when the sound of the doorbell makes you jump.

Heart thudding lightly, your eyebrows furrow, sniffing back the excess mucus clogging your nose. Your parents haven’t been gone that long and if they had forgotten something, they would have texted you first. Making your way to the door, you open it. Your eyes enlarge in astonishment when you see Jeon Jeongguk, lips parted, staring into your eyes. Embarrassment flushes through you as your cheeks and chest burn. You know you look awful. You also know that you feel awful. Not a good combination, you scold yourself.

“Hello...” He murmurs. His hands bury in the pockets of his blue and yellow jacket. “Can I come in?” He asks after sixty seconds of silence. Speechless, you nod with a forced grin. Jeongguk steps through the front door then you close it behind him. It’s not the first time he has been to your house; he’s been countless times for homework purposes and drama club practices. You just didn’t expect him at your doorstep at this moment right now. You never dreamed he would show up to see you unexpectedly like a movie.

The two of you hold eyes, regret pooling in your heart. Jeongguk’s arms loosen to then step forward, pulling you into a tight hug. Your body trembles against him from the tears brimming in your eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” You whisper. You are not only sad about not being accepted by your dream college, but you are in pure devastation at the thought of losing Jeongguk. The man you have been longing for since you were eight years old. Why is it that when he is finally in your life, a part of your world, that life wants to strip him away from you again?

“No, no…” He says tenderly, his chest so warm pressed against your cheek. “Please don’t be sorry.”

“I just… I just didn’t know what to do.” You sob. Once you both pull away after your minutes of crying subsides, Jeongguk follows you into your room. The both of you sit on your bed, and his knee brushes your thigh as you two shift comfortably facing each other. Silence drowns the room, but only for a few minutes before you speak. “I’m so happy for you.”

Jeongguk glimpses at you from his twiddling hands, his pink lips form into a sweet grin. He looks as if there’s something he wants to say, but decides against it, returning his eyes downward, his fingers move to play with a piece of lint he finds on the comforter.

Awkwardly, you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and sniff, the emptiness you feel not doing any better. You feel horrible for running off like that; you really are happy for Jeongguk, and you hope he knows that despite your devastation of being rejected by Konkuk. Deep down, you know he’s not angry with you for feeling this way, so why you are overthinking it you don’t know.

“Come here…” He says warmly. Looking up at him in surprise, he moves forward, embracing you once again to you resting into the side of his neck. His warm skin sends those familiar shivers all through your body. How can someone captivate you this much without even knowing it? Without thinking, you whisper.

“I’m going to miss you so much.” Your voice breaks as your chin trembles. “So, so much.”

He moves just enough to meet your eyes again, and his face is so close that you can feel his breath against your chin. Your eyes notice when his lips part, both of you staring without making one sound. You have never been kissed on the lips before, and never in your wildest dreams would you have imagined it to be with Jeon Jeongguk. Butterflies grip you internally as the tip of his nose brushes the side of yours, his eyes closing as you hold your breath.

As smooth as the touch of a flower petal, Jeongguk’s lips press to yours ever so warm and ever so soft making your head spin sporadically. The two of you pull away but only for a second to stare into each other’s eyes, as if he’s asking permission to kiss you again. “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that.” He smiles so wide; you can hardly conceal the excitement bursting all over your heart that is mending because of him and those words.

The infamous pound of your heart awakes in your temples the second Jeongguk kisses you again.  His thumbs stroke your cheeks as your hands grasp his forearms following his lead. As your lips move together, you feel yourself laying back onto the numerous pillows against the bed frame. His body aligns with yours, the material of his jeans thick against your yoga pants. There are no words to describe the happiness igniting within you as you get lost in the feel of his kiss, the way his hair feels between your fingers, the tip of his tongue circling yours, and the way your legs tangle together. This day might have started off in the most horrible way, but Jeongguk knew exactly how to mold that misery into a bliss you never thought you would ever experience.

There are just no words.

His eyes meet yours once more as a beautiful smile spreads upon his face. “I’m going to miss you more.” And with that, he kisses you repeatedly, and you never want this night to end.

Never in a million years.

{18}

The clinking sounds of silverware interspersed with the numerous conversations populate the atmosphere as you rush from table to table refilling drinks or taking orders. It’s hard to focus on the task at hand after being here all day, but you manage to give polite smiles despite the stress of the crowd growing. It’s been several months post high school graduation since you started your full-time job here waitressing, saving up money until you find the right college for you.

Swiftly, wiping your sweaty palms along your apron, you take a quick break to check your phone.

When you have yet to receive a message from Jeongguk, you feel your heart drop in disappointment. Jeongguk left for college a month ago at the end of summer, and though you know his schedule is continuously busy, it’s like him and you have barely been able to speak a word since the two of you said goodbye. Fighting the urge to cry, you set your phone back in your locker and sprint to see if any of your customers’ food is ready.

The job continues to keep your mind busy enough to dismiss the sadness from checking your phone a bit ago, but not busy enough from the memories of your friends. You’ve never missed your friends so much; almost seeing them every single day to never seeing them at all took a toll on you, especially when Jeongguk left.

The final days of your senior year were eventful other than the suffocating exams that consumed everyone’s time studying. LenLen and Jeongguk were the only two who kept you sane through the horrendous time; and now, after finishing the final exam, you make your way toward the front doors of the school, stopping dead in your tracks. Jimin and Monnie are standing a good distance apart; Monnie hugging a binder to her chest, her stiff shoulders apparent as her and Jimin never break eye contact.

“Hey, y/n.” Guk’s voice echoes. When you turn to him with nervous eyes, he looks out the glass doors to realize why you’re silent.

“Oh, shit.” He whispers, grabbing your arm and pulling you to a corner to where you both couldn’t be seen easily. Heart-shattering, you watch as Monnie mouths something to Jimin, even from where you’re standing, you can see tears glistening in both of their eyes. Jimin looks down for a moment, returning his eyes to her, mouthing something in her direction as well. As if the moment was lost, Monnie rushes to a car that pulls up, and you assume it’s one of her parents coming to pick her up.

A memory floods your mind from the previous week, when Monnie, with sad eyes, told you the news that nearly broke you.

“I’m moving back home.” She whispered. Shock overwhelmed you at her statement, being her home is basically a plane trip away.

“What?” Stunned, a tear spilled onto your cheek. “Monnie, no-” you remembered the night the spring musical ended, Monnie left immediately afterward without a word to anyone. Jimin, depression evident in his countenance, leaned on Jeongguk for strength as the mystery of Jimin and Monnie remained. They never told anyone what happened, and if they had it was very vague.

“I know.” She said, looking down to avoid you seeing her cry. Enveloping her in a tight hug, you held her close as she broke into silent sobs, and you refused to let her go until she was ready.

A warm hand intertwined with yours, the memory slips away as you watch Jimin disappear around the corner of the school.

“Do you think it’s because she’s moving?” You murmur. Meeting Guk’s eyes, the both of you share a knowing look of worry, wishing there was something you could do to reunite the couple you two weren’t sure you would ever see again.

“I don’t- I don’t know.” He says softly, wrapping his arm around your waist for comfort.

The memory fades into the evening along with your will to smile. Thankfully, the second closing comes around, you quickly help wipe down tables, tidy up the chairs, and wash dishes before you gather your purse and phone. Refusing to look at your phone screen, you wait for the arrival of your mother to pick you up, wishing you were brave enough to get your license. Although, as soon as you settle in the passenger side, your mom and you make small talk until you both make it to the house.

Running to shower, afterwards, you freshen up with a pair of clean pajamas, soon settling into your room for the evening. Your legs are sore from standing all day. As if on an impulse, your fingers tap along the phone screen and before you know it, you’re dialing Jeongguk’s number. After the long day you’ve had, your heart yearns to hear his sweet laugh, hoping maybe it can bring some healing before you fall asleep for the night.

Chewing on your fingernails, the anxiety rising beneath your chest surprises you. Why are you so nervous? It’s not like you and him are strangers. Before you can scold yourself any further, the sound of his voice snaps you out of your thoughts.

“Hey.” Jeongguk’s voice sounds frantic once he answers on the fourth or fifth ring. Taking note of his heavy breathing, you wonder if he just came back from dance practice, or maybe he went for a jog.

“Hey.” A grin fills your face just at the relief of finally hearing him after what felt like so long. It has been a while since you and Jeongguk have spoken over the phone, and it’s hard ignoring how much you have missed him since his leaving for Konkuk.

“Hey, y/n, I’m so sorry but I can’t talk right now.”

A strange feeling overwhelms you as disappointment knocks on your heart. “Guk, is everything okay? I just feel like we haven’t talked in so long and it’s starting to worry me. I just, I-”

“I know, and really I’m so sorry, I promise I will explain everything later but right now, Jin and I are rushing to the hospital-”

“Wha-?” Shock engulfs you, and you can feel your voice thicken with fear.

“One of our friends just got in an accident.”

*

Your heart had stopped at his words and your whole body went numb. It’s been a few days, and still Jeongguk’s words have echoed in your mind continually. Swiftly, you asked Jeongguk to update you on everything before the two of you hung up. Of course, he promised, but even now, still waiting, you have yet to hear from him.

Sighing in utter frustration, mostly to yourself for being so selfish, you collapse onto your parade of pillows, pulling up your Facebook app. Just the thought of someone getting hurt tore you up completely. It’s one of those situations where you wish with all your heart and soul that you could help and save somebody from their storms. Then during the healing process, prove to them that they are not alone, and that you will do everything in your power to help them find an escape from their torments.

Turning on your side, you try to ignore the uneasy feeling at the pit of your stomach. You wish misery wasn’t a thing; especially right now, with worry racking your whole brain with everything being unknown. You have no idea if Jeongguk’s friend is okay, and you also don’t know if Jeongguk and his friend Jin are okay, and overall, you think that’s what’s driving you insane the most. How can you be okay if you have no idea if anyone you know is alright?

Scrolling through your Facebook timeline, you try to distract yourself from the inner turmoil of fear threatening to consume you. As if this week couldn’t get any worse, what catches your eye next causes you to sit up. In the picture sits a group of people, all tagged from what looks to be a middle-aged woman who you assume is somebody’s mother, and as your eyes linger over their faces, you pause at the young girl who is smiling contently with Jeongguk’s arm wrapped around her shoulders.

Jeongguk’s arm wrapped around her shoulders.

Blinking back tears, you take in his dimpled grin expression, the one you had fallen in love with over and over again; realization plagues you and now everything makes sense as to why you haven’t heard from him as much. Clicking off Facebook, you decide to deactivate your account as well as the many other social media accounts you have that Jeongguk follows. You don’t even hesitate to block his number. Jeongguk has moved on, and even though you don’t want to accept it, you must. Slinging your phone toward the end of the bed, you bury your face into the comforter letting the thick material muffle the wails as warm tears stream down your face.

{22}

Do people truly move on from a broken heart? Or do they suppress the situation so far in the back of their mind that they eventually numb themselves from the pain of the devastation? Either one could be you, but you haven’t given it much thought in four long years. More like forced yourself not to think about it.

Twirling the cold beverage in your hand, the evident taste of beer pools on your tongue once you take a slow sip. You do not necessarily care for alcoholic beverages, but this brewery in downtown has been a nice place to frequent on lonely Friday nights. A few stragglers take a seat at the bar while the bar tenders’ breeze back and forth to prepare the orders.

You never went to college. Almost did, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t the right thing to do at the time.  However, you found a job opportunity to become a prop organizer for sets. Did you go for it? You did, training under a family friend, but held the bitterness of not attending your dream college, so you decided to work on multiple television sets for a couple years until you changed career paths. Instead, you applied for a banking job. You have your own desk at least and a set schedule. You also always have weekends off and the pay is somewhat decent.

Are you happy at the job? Not really but are you content with the job? To an extent. LenLen shoots a brief text with a picture of a meme that makes you smirk to yourself. You are grateful that you have maintained a wonderful friendship with this angelic human being. If it wasn’t for her then you would have never gotten over… Him. But as one may question, have you really gotten over him? You have made it clear to your parents, you didn’t move on because you wanted to, it’s because you had to. He found someone else. You finally accepted that you merely weren’t enough for him. LenLen argues that you should have communicated with him to be sure, but you disagree.

Regardless, you refuse to say his name, or create any social media that puts you at risk from seeing something that will rehash the day you discovered he had someone else. The only human being you have kept up with is Monnie from her movie premieres. She has become a highly known actress since you last saw her in high school- a super successful actress in her career. Subconsciously, you wonder if Monnie was ever able to rekindle her relationship with Jimin now that they are adults, but for now, you cheer Monnie on from the sidelines. She deserves her fame, and you will forever be so proud of her.

LenLen still harps about how cool it is that the pair of you attended school with a celebrity. And you definitely agree. You also hope Monnie’s heart has been mended the way you wish yours would. What is it about losing someone special that can take away so much of you? Sometimes you regret letting the initial pain from four years ago haunt you still. Why can’t you just forget about him entirely?

Your stomach gurgles momentarily to remind you that you need to eat something before you get buzzed. Unfortunately, you aren’t a fan of the food at the brewery, so you plan to run by a drive thru when you decide to head home.

The slide of a full glass of beer captures your attention when the lean fit frame of an individual carefully takes a seat beside you. Do you turn to look? Is it appropriate to stare? Your shoulders tense especially when you smell the crisp scent of cologne. You could smack yourself too because it smells delightful.

You’ve dated here and there, but they were never good enough. LenLen blames it on your past heartbreak, but you assure her that is not the case. At least, you wish it wasn’t the case but here you are. Whoever this person is, smoothly leaning on his elbow to face you, is entering dangerous territory if he is going to smell this enticing.  

“Waiting on anyone?” His voice is like velvet when he speaks, and you shift in the stool to eye him curiously. Your heart skips a sudden beat, and you have to fight every fiber of your being to put on your best acting skills.

Black strands are tousled though few are wisping at the corners of his brown irises. An amused gaze stays in his expression and along the smooth, pale skin of his face tilts a gentle smirk with pink lips. He is the most beautiful, exquisite man you have seen in a while. And he chose to plant his rump next to you. Great.

“I’m not.” You timidly bite your bottom lip because what else are you supposed to do? You already want to hide from the heated blush running along your chest, but you remain rooted in your seat.

Relief shows in the form of his dropping shoulders as he breathes a swift sigh. “Good because I’m not as tough as I was trying to look.”

“Nonsense!” You giggle profusely, seeing the way his smile grows into one of comfort.

“No, really. I’m not one to fight, but I was going to throw some hands at any man if it means at least getting your name. Taehyung,” his smile stays intact as he offers his hand. Feeling the warmth of his palm, you are embarrassed when you notice yours is clammy, but Taehyung doesn’t seem to mind.

“Y/N,” you say softly, having a hard time taking your eyes off him.

He seems as though he wants to say something, but he’s so entranced by you that he clears his throat awkwardly instead. “What brings you here alone on a Friday night?” Taehyung takes a sip of his beer.

Shrugging your shoulders, you realize your hand is tightly gripping your glass from the nerves. “Honestly… I don’t know. It’s just a place for me to escape to for a while.”

“Do you… Give me permission to join you? Sometimes escaping is fun if you have a partner in crime.” Hope resonates in his eyes at the question and there’s something about him that you can’t shake. Is this a coincidence? Or is this fate? Will he be the one to mend your heart into what it should be? You aren’t sure, but you will gladly find out.

“Of course,” you smile, and that became the beginning of a new love story. Or so you hope.

{23}

The time we all have been waiting for

One year ago, you met your boyfriend, Taehyung, and one year ago is when you experienced a high you have missed. He was your first everything aside from kissing, and once intimacy became comfortable, it then became addicting. You did learn after a month of courting, that Taehyung had gone through a horrible break up leading to the night you both first met. As much as you would love to admit that you relate to him, you don’t. You want to keep your former love buried deep in the crevices of your mind, so your heart can breathe.

What really piqued your interest in Taehyung was discovering he is a cameraman for movies galore. How crazy is that? You have always wanted a career related to film and acting and here you are dating a cameraman. A successful one at that. His father happens to be a well-known director so part of that has contributed to his career, but you have enjoyed the sets you secretly have gotten to visit whether the movie makes it to the big screen or not.

There’s just… something missing. You cannot seem to pinpoint exactly what it is that’s missing. But something just isn’t there. The guilt eats you alive somedays, but Taehyung has been a dedicated lover and friend, so why ruin what is a decent relationship?

“I’ll be back tomorrow, and by then, I should have more information on where my next job is located.” Taehyung reaches to hold you then plants a soft kiss to your lips. “Behave.”

Snickering, you shove him. “I can’t promise I won’t fuck something up. The cookie jar was just meant to fall off the counter.”

“Pushed.” He corrects.

“Accidentally.”

Taehyung shakes his head teasingly at you while his fingers move to grip your hips. “I want everything intact when I get back, okay?”

“Roger that.” You nod once, letting the next kiss linger. The tip of his tongue greets yours which prompts you to moan.

“I’ll miss you.” He whispers.

“I’ll miss you, too. Let me know when you land.”

You hate the loneliness you feel when Taehyung leaves to travel to his job locations. But you know he must. The pair of you moved in together four months after dating which you know is a bit fast, but he had been so good to you that you couldn’t help but rush it. It’s as if you were chasing a spark, you hoped would remain, but never truly found it. But nobody has to know that but you. You always liked his company because he always stayed so peaceful. You assume that his presence not being in the house makes you feel you might succumb into the sadness you experienced so long ago.

The second Taehyung calls the next morning, you can’t believe the exhilarating news he shares. “Do you remember the girl you went to school with that became an actress?”

Your breathing hitches. “Monnie?”

“That’s the one!” Taehyung beams to the point that you can tell he’s smiling on the other end of the line. “She’s starring in the movie I was hired to help film!”

“Are you serious!? Goodness, it’s been years since I’ve seen her!”

“Well about that...” Taehyung hints, and you steady your excitement.

“Yes? Come on, spit it out!”

“So, they’re doing a table reading of the script while the rest of us crew prepares the sets. And I may or may not have bought you a plane ticket, so you and her can catch up.”

“No way!” You screech. “You mean it? I’m really going to see her!? Oh God, what if she doesn’t remember me?”

Taehyung’s laugh reverberates through the phone. “Of course, she remembers you, and she’d love to see you again. It was her idea to fly you out here!”

“Oh, you tell her thank you so much! …Am I on speaker?” You lower your voice.

“… No?”

“You’re going to get you some of that goody good the second the plane lands you best believe. I’ll even wear a thong.”

Taehyung’s chuckle darkens with lust. “I’ll be ready. I love you.”

“Love you.” You nearly scream, jumping on your bed in happiness. You get to reconnect with an old friend, and maybe being with Taehyung for a bit will strengthen the hope that there shouldn’t be any doubt about this relationship. Scurrying to your closet, you throw all your clothes down to figure out what you’re going to wear and what you’re going to pack.

If only you knew who else was going to be there the moment you arrive.

-

You’re exhausted by the time the flight ends, but you happily greet your boyfriend who smiles widely at your presence. “There you are.” He coos, pinching your chin before planting a sweet kiss.

“I need some caffeine.” You say, kissing him one more time. “Has the table reading started?”

“It has, but as long as traffic is fine, we may make it on time.”

Throwing your duffel in the back of the rental car, you shuffle to the passenger side letting Taehyung rest his large hand on your thigh. Why aren’t you as excited to see him as you hoped you would be? In all honesty, you’re more excited to see Monnie more than your own boyfriend.

“Hopefully me and Monnie can reschedule if we end up late.” You are disappointed, but it is also not your fault that your flight was delayed by two hours. Taehyung squeezes your thigh while your eyes gaze at the scenery passing by. Taehyung offers to grab you a coffee, but you decline in hopes it will get you to Monnie faster.

Once the car is parked, you, hand in hand with Taehyung, enter the facility and you halt unintentionally when you see a frantic Park Jimin running after who you see to be Monnie who is keeping her gaze downward. Your eyes widen in elation. Have they been in contact this whole time? Then… Why do they look so worried?

You squeeze Taehyung’s hand and whisper, him leaning closer so he can hear you. “I think it’s safe to say that we’re rescheduling.” Taehyung sees the scene as the couple in the distance disappear around a corner and he mouths an ‘Oh.’

“I’ll show you around, then.” He clears his throat, and he unintentionally drops your hand when the pair of you round a corner into where a large table with numerous chairs sits. Few sparse, bundles of people are sharing conversation that echoes throughout the building and when someone starts greeting Taehyung, your eyes scan the room until they stop on an individual whose coffee cup drops right out of his hand in pure, debilitating astonishment.

His shoulders shudder in embarrassment, but your heart is racing so fast, you are not sure if you are breathing. How is this possible? How is this real? Someone with blue hair beside him rushes to clean the mess, but you can’t run because your boyfriend is only a few inches from you, yet you back away slowly to try and calm yourself. You feel lightheaded as if you are in a torturous dream, especially when you catch his eyes again that are equally enlarged with disbelief.

“J- Jeongguk?”

7 years earlier…

Jeongguk smiles triumphantly at the director of the college who unfortunately sent your letter of acceptance to the wrong individual who happened to share the same name as you. Jeongguk couldn’t be more thankful to solve this mistake, and to celebrate, he has been working two part time jobs on top of juggling his college classes to save up money to purchase a necklace he has been dying to get you since he moved to Konkuk University.

He knew something wasn’t right that you didn’t get accepted into Konkuk when your grades should have reflected how hard working of a student you are. Secretly, he made it a pact to get to the bottom of it, and now that he has, he cannot wait to share this news with you. You can either start classes this coming spring or start completely the following year and Jeongguk will remain by you every waking moment. Even if it’s mostly over phone for now.

He misses you more than words can say, and the exhaustion that plagues him continually is no help on the nights he’d rather stay up talking to you. He does feel guilty on the other hand that he hardly has been able to text much due to his doting schedule. Seokjin, a friend he gained, who has been a much better colleague than Kevin, greets him at the library where they plan to study.

Jeongguk has made acquaintances too, one being a guy with blue hair named Yoongi and the other being a girl named Sun Hee who Jeongguk believes is Yoongi’s girlfriend from the way they interact. What Jeongguk didn’t expect after gradually introducing the small group in his life is the accident that ensues that leaves Yoongi injured and in the hospital.

Of course, you had called right when he finds out the terrifying news that leaves him and a frantic Seokjin scurrying to the car to make it to the hospital. He plans to call you to tell you everything at some point but as the days continue, the nerves involving Yoongi get worse and Jeongguk can hardly focus on anything else but his friend. If anything, he wishes he has you to hold, but he knows it would be impossible for you to make it the five hours to him when you don’t have your license yet. Nor does he want to interrupt your job. Or, upset your dad.

Many students who either have classes with Yoongi, family, or friends of Yoongi’s visit him as he recovers which thankfully has been good news. At one point, Jeongguk walks over to comfort Sun Hee who is still trying to get past the emotional distress of it all, so he wraps a friendly arm around her shoulder before Yoongi’s mom proudly asks everyone to take a picture. Yoongi’s mom wants her son to remember the endless support he has no matter what and Jeongguk grins as the camera flashes before him and Seokjin head back to the dorms to rest.

What Jeongguk doesn’t anticipate is the fact none of his messages deliver when he goes to text you. Heart pounding anxiously, he attempts to call but nothing goes through. But… Why? Of course, he goes to check social media to see you are nowhere to be found, and the confusion muddling his mind is no help. Did you block him?

Seokjin consoles Jeongguk while he scrambles around the room wondering what to do in order to think thoroughly about it all. Did you find someone else? Why did you cut him off? How is he going to tell you about the good news with Konkuk? Seokjin offers for Jeongguk to use his phone, but Jeongguk is scared you would mistake Jin’s number for a scam caller since you obviously do not have Seokjin’s phone number. The pain hovers in his chest while he fights the tears. Was it because he didn’t get a chance to talk to you much?

Jeongguk, months later, pays a visit to your home with hope to see you again, feel your embrace one more time, but is greeted by your dad who lets him know that you are working at a different location and isn’t sure when you will be back. Your father never told you because he knew exactly what you would do, so it’s a secret he keeps safe since he is the one who saw your heart shattered over the boy he is staring back at.

Jeongguk apologizes then visits his parents for a few more days before returning to Konkuk. At this point, the necklace dangles before him once he is in the security of his dorm and tears of guilt drip onto the bed covers. If only he knew how to find you again, he would do anything. For now, he will try and accept that maybe he wasn’t enough for you after all.

-

{23}

You kept him for years in your every thought, every word you wrote and every pound of your heart. Dancing eyes that glued to your soul the moment he kissed you, and touches as gentle as flower petals loomed all over your skin. His smile haunted you even in times that you begged for it not to and why you are saying this in all past tense is just you trying to hide the truth. He still does. He still resonates with you even as if he never tore your heart to shreds.

You haven’t seen him in almost seven years, yet his memory burns alive as if you physically relive the memories every day. As if his touch is as fresh as it had been the first time, he ever held you in his arms. Why must life be so cruel? To toy with you as if he is ultimately meant to be your forever just to take him away from you repeatedly.

You didn’t give him a chance the last time. You made the choice for him because he found someone else. Why couldn’t he just be yours? Why was he there when you least expected it? Now, every feeling you’ve tried to hide is igniting into the present.

You stand there frozen for a timeless eternity locking eyes with the one man you never thought you would see again. He is just as stunned. You can see it in his eyes and from the way his Adam’s apple bobs at the gulp he swallows. You can tell by the scripts on the table right in front of Jeongguk that he must be casted in this movie, and all you can think through your catapulting thoughts is that you would have found Jeongguk much earlier if you hadn’t run late to the table reading. After all this time, and from the memories of high school, it is clear Jeongguk has finally chosen to follow his dreams, and that, despite the turmoil hounding your chest, you feel a pang of warmth at the realization.

In your peripherals, you remember a very important detail suddenly. What about Taehyung? Instead of turning, your auditory senses pick up your boyfriend still having a conversation with who you assume is a coworker. He has no idea about the stare down going on behind him.

Now, you know why Monnie ran. She didn’t expect to see Jimin here either. Is this the place where love reconnects? Or was your original thought, correct? Is fate just messing with you? Why now? Why couldn’t you be single right now, so this guilt rising in your chest didn’t exist? Why should you feel guilty though? Nothing has happened other than the immense wave of emotions plaguing your entire system. Would that have something to do with it? Holy fuck.

You do not know how you survive the day avoiding Jeongguk the way you do, and Taehyung is starting to get worried about how frantic you appear as if you want to run. Safely getting to the hotel that evening, you don’t even remember how to do your typical evening routine. With how nauseous you feel, you nibble on your dinner trying to assure Taehyung that you are fine.

The second day at the set, Jeongguk could not take his eyes off you and Taehyung, though you do not know, happens to notice how often you and the red headed actor keep sneaking glimpses at each other. This day confirms your assumption that Jeongguk is indeed a part of this movie. You learn from the second table reading, where you get to briefly wave at Monnie when she arrives, that Jeongguk is casted as one out of the seven guys who are hopelessly in love with Monnie’s character.

At one point, Jimin happens to recognize you and sends you a wave as well. You can tell Monnie is also being observant by the way she scans the noticeably awkward way you refuse to interact with Jeongguk. Monnie is aware how close you and Jeongguk were in high school so how come neither of you are acting as if you once were friends?

“Are you okay?” Taehyung, all in his camera gear, leans in and whispers. You hum a ‘yes’ in response, but you can tell he doesn’t believe you.

The third day, you feel how tired you are from the lack of sleep due to not wanting to dream about Jeongguk while your boyfriend is sleeping right next to you, so you tossed and turned until you couldn’t take it anymore. All the stress of seeing Jeongguk is starting to take a toll and when arriving with Taehyung, at one point, you see Jeongguk standing off to the side while a few of the cast members are preparing to film a scene. You aren’t sure where Taehyung went off to, but you gaze at Jeongguk with the longing you wish would stop burdening you. You also wish you could tell Jeongguk how proud you are that he is finally choosing to follow his dreams because as you watch him observing the scene being played out, he looks so lovely that the sadness washing over you becomes intense.

Tattoos adorn his skin now which you find absolutely ravishing. The way he styles his hair is even different from how you remember, and that itching desire starts to build relentlessly. It is then that Jeongguk sees you. An overwhelming feeling that neither of you can explain becomes existent and he holds your eyes as if that’s the only constant keeping him at bay. You try to read his stare while he looks into your soul, yet your feet remain planted for the moment. There is no way that you are the only one who feels this connection. There is absolutely no way. So, why did he choose someone else all these years ago?

Something breaks the gaze because instead of putting on your best, inner actress, you flee to the nearest restroom. The nausea is intense- much more intense than you realize because you are throwing your hair back immediately in preparation for the retching. Nothing really comes up but some bile since you haven’t eaten yet, and now you are breathing steady to calm your nerves.

Sometimes an overwhelming amount of shock and anxiety can do this to you, so you aren’t surprised. You just are grateful that nobody else is occupying the restroom so that you can think. What in the bloody hell do you do? Do you approach him? Do you continue to ignore him? Do you tell Taehyung? The thoughts turn into pacing while you clench your stomach because what the hell are you supposed to do? Jeon Jeongguk is in the same vicinity as you and there is no one else you’d rather… confront for lack of a better term. But is it worth confronting him for all the pain he caused you what feels at this point like a lifetime ago?

Will he even remember? Will he understand why you blocked him from your life? He will just have to because he chose somebody else over you. Whereas you spent majority of your life putting him first. Is this why you feel betrayed deep down? You know ultimately you should have put yourself first which is what you learned before turning twenty-two and prior to meeting your boyfriend. Otherwise, Jeongguk was all that mattered to you.

And he still fucking does.

Gritting your teeth, you rummage through your purse for a small bottle of mouth wash that you keep for emergencies and swish it around your teeth and tongue. You rid of the foul taste and rinse with some water before taking a few deep breaths. You can do this, y/n. Just fake a smile and act as if you are going to be in this movie yourself.

Placing your hand on the bathroom door, you shove it slowly as if you are hiding from someone. Which technically you are but you get the picture. You investigate the hallways that echo a small number of footsteps, so you, in relief, step out into the unknown thinking all is safe. Standing, you can’t remember which direction you came from, so awkwardly you just continue to… Stand there. You decide to reach into your purse for your phone to text Taehyung, but fast steps dissipate your movement.

“Follow me.” A familiar voice halts your heart. He grasps your wrist before you can scream, but it’s not a firm grip, it’s a gentle hold and you jolt your stare to see a hazy view of red hair who leads you into a storage room set off to the side. You should stop him. You should shout. You should fight to call Taehyung. But you don’t. And repentantly- you don’t want to.  

Jeongguk kicks the door closed behind him until your back shoves against a wall. Red strands hover over his determined eyes as he breathes heavy, now holding both of your wrists that he pins to the wall. You can’t even respond because your words die in your throat. This is the hottest fucking thing you have encountered, and you will keep that with you till the grave.  

There are no words shared, just ajar mouths of panting, but he is so close that you feel his breath brushing your chin. Your body is begging for more of his touch at this point, but you do not move a muscle. It is then that you remember that you are supposed to be mad at him. Yet simultaneously you want to kiss him so bad. He can’t know this though. You have a boyfriend. You must think about Taehyung.

“Let go of me.” You say through gritted teeth even though it destroys your heart piece by piece to even say it. Jeongguk hesitates, but calmly releases his fingers that curled around your wrists and steps back carefully. Your heart is betraying you because you would do anything just to make love with him right here and now, but it isn’t the right thing to do especially with how he broke your heart. And, for the sake of Taehyung’ heart.

Jeongguk turns just to rake thin hands through his hair before he runs a palm along his face. “I don’t know what came over me.”

You do. Because you feel the powerful truth resonating in this very room. You’re hurting over him and he is hurting over you. Neither of you truly know the reasons why.

What is mind blowing to you is how seven years flies by and it is like he was never a stranger. The emotions you’ve suppressed are waiting to burst at the seams as if they would even when he was still in your life. You do not know how this is possible. You know it’s crazy. You know nothing right now makes any sense and you want to scream at the top of your lungs. And, you know even if you were to have gone back to Taehyung, Jeongguk would have done exactly what he is doing now and that is confronting the reality that you both are here. In a place far away from your hometown, you both by some twisted form of fate end up in the same place at the same time. Of course, you are pondering the odds of this, of course you fucking are. All you know is you can’t let Jeongguk hurt you again. Plus, now you have Taehyung.  

“I have to go.” You finally say in the deafening silence prompting Jeongguk to turn swiftly to face you where his widened eyes hold the same desperation that you feel. Yet, he is so beautiful. Fuck. Even to this day. He is exactly how you remember but grown out of the boyish charm from high school and into a man. Your heart is pounding through your temples while you take in his features. He’s just so beautiful.

“Please…” He murmurs, stepping forward as if being even closer to you can make all of this add up. “Before you go, just tell me why.”

His statement catches you off guard. Why? What does he mean why?  He can see the disbelief written all over your expression which causes him to question inwardly. How does he have the nerve to question your reasons for cutting him off? He knows good and damn well why. He has to.

You feel unsteady briefly, but you are thankful to hear your phone buzzing within your purse which you figure must be Taehyung. Jeongguk understandably gives up accepting that you must have moved on just as you assumed he has.

Reaching for the doorknob with horribly shaky fingers, you pause for a moment collecting enough strength to end this strange yet alluring moment on good terms. “I’m proud of you.” You whisper, Jeongguk’s gaze burning innocently at the back of your head while his heart feels as though it is going to explode watching you leave. “You followed your dreams. There was never a reason for you to be ashamed… Goodbye.”

And with that, you exit the storage room, returning Taehyung’s call to ask him if he can take you to the hotel while you muster with all your strength not to erupt in a pool of endless tears.

-

A towel is wrapped around Taehyung’s waist as he ruffles his dampened hair. He has talked endlessly about his day (as he should) and the excitement he holds for the upcoming film. You, hair wrapped in a towel, rub on a face mask to cleanse your skin as you wearily stare at your reflection in the mirror. You try so hard to listen to every word your boyfriend says, but you can’t shake any thought of Jeon Jeongguk from your mind.

Vivid flashes of the way Jeongguk pinned you to that wall stirs an unwanted wave of desire through your frame and a reoccurring pain that seems to never find closure. If only he slid his teeth along your bottom lip while slipping his hands into your pants while you whimper his name… If only the emotions from the years of longing for his return continued in breathless kisses and gasping in response to the way his lips would trail your neck… Maybe you could ignore the myriad of questions that have plagued you profusely for all these damned years of wishing, and pleading, and fighting to understand why you can’t just let. Him. Go. It’s like, in a way, a spell has been cast on you whether it’s Jeongguk himself or something that is preventing, almost trying to keep the two of you from being together in the end. But, why?

Maybe the truth is right in front of you. Maybe you don’t want to let Jeongguk go.

Maybe you really just can’t.

Taehyung eventually moves to wrap his strong arms around you from behind while he places feather-like kisses along your neck. “So, I hope you’re enjoying your time here.”

“I am.” You reply softly. His fingers then slide gently into your sweatpants where he finds your clit, rubbing nice and slow while he continues to place tepid kisses. You wish you were becoming aroused, but you can hardly concentrate on the way his lips press to your skin and his fingers slipping into you pumping gently while you squeeze your eyes shut. There are no goosebumps, no moaning, no excitement- just pure sadness.

Because you know deep down what the truth is, but you do not want to admit it. You know what’s missing in the relationship. Taehyung is not Jeongguk and he never will be. It’s the saddest simplicity of an answer. He is not Jeon Jeongguk.

“Hey…” Taehyung’s voice is soft, cautiously releasing his fingers from inside you, he then spins you around. Despite, the face mask covering your cheeks and forehead, Taehyung looks at you lovingly while he reads your eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Hesitant, you reply anyway. “Nothing.”

Taehyung flashes a pointed look because he does not believe you whatsoever. “Are you jet lagged still? …Did I do something?”

“No! …No, I’m sorry. I promise I’m not trying to be gloomy. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Are you sure? Because you have seemed off since you’ve been here. Is it because you haven’t gotten to see Monnie much?”

“I mean yes, I do wish I could see her more, but we have plenty of time. Work allowed me a week off, so I’m not too worried about that.”

“Then what is it?”

Guilt pools in your eyes as you visibly see his concern, but what are you supposed to tell him? Okay, maybe the question doesn’t involve what, but how? “I… don’t know.”

You let him kiss you then even though the cream of the face mask gets all over his skin, too but it somehow makes you giggle. You wish you knew how to tell him, but it is way too soon. What happened earlier with Jeongguk was probably going to be a onetime thing. You keep replaying the whole scene with Jeongguk wishing there could have been a different outcome, but you can’t change the past. And you don’t want to hurt Taehyung who has been nothing but good to you.

Once you finish freshening up, you try having sex with Taehyung to rid of the pain inside your chest, but the remorse is so smothering you hardly can enjoy it. It’s not his fault at all so you give it what you got. Except this time, when you close your eyes, all you can see is Jeongguk’s face and it takes everything in you not to burst into tears.

-

It's not until the day before your flight that you finally meet with Monnie. Her management rented out a space in one of the fanciest restaurants to ensure privacy from the spotlight so the pair of you could catch up. She embraced you tightly while the scent of peonies greeted your nose. It’s amazing how much the two of you had to catch up on and the endless conversation is exactly what you needed. Sometimes a friendly face helps lighten the load for a little while.

As a surprise, you facetimed LenLen so Monnie could say hello which erupts into bouts of happy squeals from LenLen. Being with Monnie made you forget how famous she actually is, and you are so thankful that she always maintained her humility amongst the fame.

Neither of you mention Jimin or Jeongguk even though you wonder if the question crossed her mind at any point. You also wonder if she kept contact with Jeongguk or if Jimin did since all four of you happened to be in the same place in a different location way far away from the high school all of you attended together. It’s surreal, but maybe not bringing the subject up was a good thing.

Anxiously, you stop by Taehyung’s work to bring him lunch and to go over the time your flight departs tomorrow. Taehyung, who proclaims he has a surprise for you, says he ordered a limousine to pick you up for your ride to the airport. Speechless, you have never ridden in a limo before, and you cannot believe how thoughtful Taehyung has been all week which fuels the devastation when you notice Jeongguk standing adjacent from you. He’s gripping another coffee cup while he speaks with one of the producers.

Did he just hear every word you said? Did he hear that you are leaving to go back home tomorrow?

“I already told Stan where to pick you up.” Taehyung attempts to say but he notices your obvious distraction which has pretty much lasted the entire week you have been here.

“Wh-who? Whose Stan?”

“I just told you, silly, the limo… driver.” Taehyung follows your wavering gaze to see the dark haired actor glimpsing at you for the hundredth time. Is this why you have been acting so strange? Do you know this guy? Taehyung starts to question if you really were with Monnie when you said you were. Or the other times before when you claimed you needed a breather.

An uneasy feeling starts to bud in Taehyung’s chest. “Um…” He leans forward to get close to your ear. “Can we talk?” Taehyung lowkey has noticed the tension ever since the first day he brought you here whenever that actor was around, but thought he was going crazy. Taehyung is typically not the jealous type, but something seems off. Everywhere you were, it seemed this actor followed.

Disrupting your entrancement, you swallow the lump in your throat as your heartbeat spikes. Taehyung just walks swiftly around a corner and unbeknownst to you, Jeongguk has excused himself from the producer to hide away enough to make sure you’re okay. He feels awful to intrude, but he can’t help the strong emotions building within his heart and the indisputable closure he wishes you would give him. Because he never was able to get over you either.

Taehyung is restless as he tries to gather whatever words he can. “Look, if I sound crazy, I don’t care. Something isn’t right. And if I had to guess, it has to do with that actor you keep looking at. So, what is it? Do you know him?”

Your hands glue to your hips while you uneasily try to keep yourself standing from the uncomfortable blow to the chest. Shit. You want to scream. Taehyung caught you and now you don’t even know where to start. “I’m sorry.” You whisper which you are surprised sounds audible, but that’s all you can muster.

“Okay, so something did happen then?”

“No! Taehyung… No, it’s not what you think.” You try to breathe but feel like you can’t from how much your chest tightens.

“Okay well what am I supposed to think? Were you really with Monnie earlier?”

“Yes! Of course, I was!”

“So why are you so distant? If I did something wrong, then I need to know so I can fix it. I also can’t read your mind. Communication is what I need here, y/n.”

“I know this, Tae… I-”

“Okay, then explain. I’m doing all I can to prove to you that I love you. I just need some kind of answer. I’m starting to get really worried, and you know I’m not like this.”

Tears brim because you know deep down, he has done everything for you. You are in the wrong for this and you know it. You do love Taehyung. You really do, but the love for him will never be as strong as the love you had for Jeongguk. The love you know you will always have for Jeongguk. The silence hurts. The emptiness and sorrow you feel for Taehyung… Hurts so deeply.

“Tae…” The tears stream to drip from your cheeks. “I want you to know that I do love you and I am forever grateful for all that you have done for me… I just, um…” You press your lips together to prevent your chin from quivering. You can’t even look your boyfriend in the eyes. You don’t even know how to answer him. How can you? If you were to tell him everything from the beginning to now, not only would it crush him, but would he truly understand where you are coming from?

“You’re not going to tell me are you.” It’s not a question. He says it sternly.

“I… I can’t.” You stifle a sob. “Tae, I’m so sorry. I just can’t right now.”

Angrily, and rightfully so, he glowers at you while his jaw clenches because after a year together, he does not understand how fast everything can change in the span of a week. And after a year, how can you not trust to tell him what is going on? He deserves to know, and you wish you could find the will to just tell him the whole story without holding back.

He is rigidly holding back tears because he is just as hurt, but he can’t bear the thought of you stepping out on him which is what he is starting to believe. Is he wrong to think that? He knows anger causes irrational thinking but right now, he wants space to clear his head. Even if it means being away from you.

“The hotel is yours tonight.”

“Tae-” You rush to step forward, but he holds a palm up to pause everything.

“The hotel is yours tonight. Stan will pick you up for your flight tomorrow… We’re done.” He shoves past you as you spin in panic to watch him leave, but you do not chase him. This is not how you wanted it to go. Not on bad terms, but you feel so devastated yet so relieved that Taehyung made this decision, yet you feel so helpless simultaneously.

The tears continue as you scramble to order someone to pick you up and if you regret one thing, it’s not telling Taehyung about your first love the first day you met him like you should have.

-

The guilt is eating you alive.

Your eyes are dry and puffy from the crying the night before, so to force some way to lift your spirits, you put on a faint amount of makeup and throw on a floral summer dress. What better way to cope with the heart ache by pretending there is no heart ache? You suck at that. It’s visible all over your frame that is weak and exhausted; your mind has done nothing but run vigorously on high speed since landing a week ago and you are not sure how you are functioning properly.

Once you have everything packed and prepared, you triple check the hotel room to ensure you haven’t left anything. The room felt desolate last night without Taehyung being beside you, but in a way, you appreciated being alone. Maybe it’s for the best that you never try to love anybody else because as long as Jung Jeongguk exists in your heart, there is no such thing as anybody else. How can someone have your heart this long and they were never really yours?

Rolling your suitcase behind you, the walk to the outside is brighter than you anticipate. The sun gleams high in the sky while people bustle from left to right to exit or enter the hotel building. It doesn’t take long for you to spot the limo slowly pulling up to the curb. An older man with gentle eyes greets you, introducing himself as Stan.

“Now I finally have a face to a name.” You smile sweetly as he takes your luggage to settle into the trunk. “Thank you.” You murmur. The moment you open the limo door, you duck to begin taking a seat, but something stops you in your tracks.

It’s the scene of glimmering shoes that tilts your head in confusion as you scan from the shoes all the way up the slim legs, to the loose-fitting shirt on a familiar frame to then locking eyes with the one person you never expected to see yet again.

“Jeongguk?” You croak with widened eyes. Did you say his name out loud? You have no idea. All you know is your heart is ear piercingly screaming and your fingertips have gone numb. His red hair is gelled back so you can easily see the enchanting curve of his jawline and the quirk of his lips smirking gently. You are in trouble. And you don’t care anymore. But your conscious tries to tell you the opposite.

“I um… Uh, I have to go-” You panic preparing to back away.

“Absolutely not.” Jeongguk grasps to pull you in, reaching around you to slam the limo door closed once your body plops onto the seat. When Stan hears the signal, he starts to drive away from the curb and your mind is dizzy with anxiety.

“Jeongguk.” You try to say sternly, but his name comes out in a whimper. You are trying with all your strength not to pass out.

“Y/N.” He speaks. His eyebrow cocking. You have remained leaned forward from how he pulled you in and his face is so close, you are doing everything you can to keep your heat from clenching simultaneously with the reaction of your body wanting to tremble.

“What the hell are you doing!? How the hell did you even know I would be here!?”

He shrugs. “A friend.”

“What friend-”

“Monnie. She’s known Stan for a while. So has Jin.”

“Well, Stan is about to be fired!” You try emphasizing the word loudly to kid with Stan even though you are lowkey dead serious. You should be grieving Taehyung, not letting the desire to tangle with Jeongguk be floating subconsciously in the back of a damn limousine. “If Taehyung finds out that you jacked the limo driver, he’ll be pissed. So, again, what the hell are you doing!?”

“I’ll answer your question once you answer mine.”

“Jeongguk, I’m not playing fucking games with you-”

“Neither am I.”

Eyeing him in exasperation, you shake your head to hopefully rid of the evident confusion. “You know what- we can’t do this. We can’t be alone.”

“And why not?”

“Because-” Because you just went through a breakup, damnit! Not that you are aware that he knows. But you are trying so hard not to cave into the longing to be with Jeongguk the way his eyes intensely look into yours.

After all this time, holding it in all these long, long years:

you explode.

“Because you are just so fucking ruthless, you know that!? I have had you in my fucking head since I was a child and there is no escape from you! No escape! Do you know how much it killed me to see you leave seven years ago? Do you know how fucking insane seeing you again is all these stupid ass years later? I have been losing my shit nonstop and for what!? Because you just think it’s so damn cute to occupy every fucking brain cell I have and tear me to shreds! Like, do you even fucking know the hell I’ve been through!? Seeing you with-”

Jeongguk kisses you suddenly stopping your words. This kiss is so desperate and rough yet, it’s so much softer than you would think since you were losing your absolute shit a minute ago, but his lips are as warm as you remember, and your body loosens as his hands cup your cheeks. Gasping into his kiss, the world spins so magically that you forget that you are heading to catch a flight home. You don’t want to stop. The way his mouth moves so good with yours. How are you going to pull away?

So, you don’t.

His fingertips slip to the back of your neck to deepen the kiss while the love you buried revives into the atmosphere.

Because you are so in love with him, and you never once stopped.

Jeongguk’s other hand pats along the door refusing to break the kiss and your ears catch the sound of the partition lifting to separate the pair of you from the driver. Something about that whole gesture sends a gush from your heat, wetting your thong that you inwardly hope Jeongguk will see. It’s like you are in a dream. If ‘high school you’ knew that seven years from then that you would be making out with Jeon Jeongguk in a limousine, you would have never believed it. Instead of bottling everything up anymore, you are just going to let go. In this moment, you are with the one person you have always wanted: Jeon Jeongguk. So why fucking fight it? You are done fighting it.

You have made up your mind. You want to give him your all and you want to give it now. Conversation can be saved for later.

“Guk,” you gasp between his kisses. “Please… whatever you do. Don’t… Stop.”

It doesn’t take much until his hands move to grip your waist, positioning you in a straddle. Immediately, moaning loudly against his lips that have eagerly grown hungrier as you cling to him desperately. Humming into his kiss, the relief flooding your limbs eases the tension you have fought this entire week, and your hands slide to grasp the gelled strands of his hair in deprivation. His tongue dances with yours while he fumbles with where to place his hands next.

You moan when you feel his erection beneath your heat though clothes remain on; with the dress, you're wearing, the fabric is spread enough, you're able to feel the material of his slacks along your inner thighs. You unintentionally grind your hips, him doing the same, lips nearly bruised from sultry kisses he refuses to stop.

His palm slaps your ass to then squeezing so hard, you nearly melt into his frame, your teeth sliding along his bottom lip before sneaking the tip of your tongue along it to then snatching his lips once more.

Your fingers trace his jawline, a part of him that nearly makes you faint. Breaking the kiss, his breathing is heavy while your lips linger to trail his jaw, lightly sucking with each contact until you reach his ear. A soft laugh resonates into his eardrum, him groaning with immense desire in response. You can't help yourself especially with the fire dribbling from your heat. Your inner kinks start to arise.

"I don't know if you've ever been given a blowjob in a limo baby, but I’m not going to let you forget it.” You say it so erotically, Jeongguk is losing his mind. You're wild when it comes to sex, yet you’ve only ever had one sexual partner. With the way Jeongguk’s hazy, brown eyes watch your every move, you don't mind giving him the ride of his life. You are going to show him exactly what he has missed.

Squeezing his shoulders once, you move backward off his lap carefully despite the moving vehicle. You kneel on the floor, your antsy fingers unbuckle his belt, the jingle of the metal sending jolts of excitement throughout his limbs. The anticipation is nearly smothering, especially when you unbutton his pants to show his underwear, spreading the fabric to free his erection. The sight causes you to bite your lower lip instinctively.

"Oh baby." You nearly drool. His hands curl around your wrists before you lean in to cover his area with your mouth encasing every bit of his girth. He leans back in immense pleasure while you perform a long, intense suck before dipping your head up and down seductively. Hearing him moan fuels you to continue. Running your tongue over his tip, you let the taste of his precum lead you to yearn for more, pleasuring him so much he could release right then and there. You unlatch your wrist from one of his tightening hands, bringing it to his scrotum that is peeking through the opening of his underwear, massaging softly whilst sucking, his feet pressing harder at the floorboard from the paradise he's been wanting with you and only you.

When you see how much of an effect it has on Jeongguk, you continue your bliss, sucking and sucking until his hands grasp the sides of your ribcage causing you to gasp in surprise. Without a second to blink, your back is crashed against the seat cushion with Jeongguk hovering above you, strands of his hair glistening over his eyes, his chest heaving as his hands rest on either side of you. Your eyes are wide from the sudden action, but when he lowers to place his lips near your ear, a tingling sensation waves across your figure.

"I don't know if you've ever been fucked in a limo.” He growls. “But I'm gonna make sure you, my dear, will never forget it."

Oh. Fuck. His fingertips feel for your underwear that he slides down to your ankles. He doesn’t even take a second to admire what type of underwear it is before he comes back to kiss you.

You are so aroused that your vaginal walls are sopping wet before Jeongguk slams his erection into you. He drums so hard that you can't help the screams of pleasure that are gratefully unheard from the vibration of the speakers reverberating within the small space. This is when you realize music must have started playing to drown out the sounds Stan most likely does not want to hear.

Your hands clasp roughly to Jeongguk’s sides which regains your focus. He pounds so rhythmically with the bass of whatever song is playing, your g-spot is being stroked with each thrust. The growing climax sends your eyes rolling back. Jeongguk slows for a moment though and aligns his body with yours still keeping himself inside you. You watch him while your chest heaves.

He lifts a finger to trace along your cheek until he caresses your bottom lip with his thumb. You are uncertain why he has stopped, but you are thankful neither of you have cummed too soon because you are not ready for this to end. Even though it has to… Oh, shut the fuck up brain.

“You’re not going to the airport today.” His eyes shift from a lust to a softness that reminds you of when he first became your friend. You want to sit up in surprise, but you don’t because you like Jeongguk’s body being on top of you and his erection keeping its rightful place inside you.

“What do you mean? I’m supposed to leave today.”

“I… Have made other arrangements.”

“Did you cancel the flight!? How!?”

“Well, no… But I can reimburse you for the inconvenience of missing your flight.”

“Are you…” In honesty, you are not upset at all. Your heart is flying so high with relief, you could cry. A smirk graces your tingling lips. “Are you kidnapping me, Jeon Jeongguk?”

“Only if you let me,” he winks, pressing a slow kiss to your bruised lips. “Otherwise, the airport I will take you but only if you say so.”

“What about my job? I have to go back at some point.”

Sadness etches in the corner of his eyes while he exhales slowly. “How about we worry about that tomorrow? … I don’t want to lose you. Not again.”

You don’t either.

Your hand reaches to tangle in his hair while you pull him to kiss you. He starts thrusting again, but this time nice and slow while your tongue swirls with his. The two of you are so lost in intimacy that neither of you notices the pause of the limo and the dimming of the music. It's Jeongguk who jolts away immediately, stuffing his being back into his pants, scrabbling to buckle his belt before it dawns on you that the limo is no longer moving. Swiftly, you fix your dress, running your hands through your hair in panic, also hoping your makeup isn't smeared all over.

Your throbbing heat is relentless, and you squeeze your thighs to try and relieve some of the sensitivity, but it's no use. Once Stan opens the door, you and Jeongguk smile at him trying to hide the fact the two of you were literally having intercourse directly behind his back.

Stan squints his eyes in suspicion when he notices how embarrassed the two of you chuckle when leaving the limo, but he brushes it off, him tipping his hat for a farewell. You grasp Jeongguk’s hand while your other hand clings to your luggage. You do not know where you are, but you are assuming it’s where Jeongguk lives.

“My roomates are still shooting scenes for the movie we’re in, so we have this whole place to ourselves for the time being.” Jeongguk beams. Your feet move faster than they ever have as he follows suit to the front door. He chuckles at how cute your eagerness is because he is just as giddy, too. Being with you just comes so naturally even after all this time. The moment you reach the door, you spin around, dragging his mouth to yours.

Your back hits against the front door nearly bringing you to your knees while he follows your lead. You throw your arms around his neck as his hands press into your waist; the two of you rebuild the itching desire that had been interrupted. The pure addiction of Jeongguk’s lips on yours is everything you could have dreamed of, so you hate that you have to break the kiss just for him to unlock the door. Snatching his hand once more, you kick off your heels, him slipping out of his shoes while your luggage tips over somewhere near the door.

You follow him up the stairs until both of you are safe in his bedroom. He locks the door behind him once he turns on the lights, and that's when he tackles you lovingly once again, kissing your mouth roughly. Your hands pull off his shirt and in return, he unzips the back of your dress.

When your lacy undergarments taunt his enlarging eyes, you step away from your dress, giving him a seductive smile. Now he notices your thong. Sliding your fingers slowly to your entrance, you coat your digits with the wetness he's caused you, stepping forward to carefully smear it on his lips. His eyes close while his staggered breaths relish in your scent, urging to taste you, he clamps his warm mouth around your fingers, his teeth grazing your skin while he sucks.

"I want you, Jeongguk." You whisper. "I want you to never stop wanting me."

That's all it takes before he squats to wrap his arms underneath your ass, lifting you effortlessly in the air prompting a fit of giggles. He sprints to his bed and crashes you onto it. Once the bounce of your bodies settles, his hands desperately tear your thong from your frame as well as your lace bra, his mouth leaving tenderly placed kisses along your ribcage before your trembling hands move to rid of his pants. Unbuckling his belt, Jeongguk helps you free himself from his pants and underwear- every article of clothing between the both of you finally plopped on the ground.

Unexpectantly, he rolls you above him, pressing your bare chest against him, his teeth nipping your ear lobe before his breath haunts your ear in the sexiest, deep voice you've ever heard. "If I'm going to taste you properly, I want it all over my face."

Oh. Shit.

Jeongguk clings onto your hips once you get into position. You move with him until your folds are above his starving mouth. Now with his heated palms smoothed along your ass, you lower yourself just enough until you hear the sudden sound of his lips caressing along your heat bringing a moan to escape your throat. "Ohhh, baby." You breathe. His tongue circles your heat slowly before he roughly flicks it against you, delighting in your taste while your head thrusts back in ecstasy.

You've never had sex so good- especially with the way his tongue licks so effortlessly underneath your clenching vaginal walls. Your thighs quiver from how strong your climax is building. His lips cover your clit, sucking before returning his tongue to lick rapidly among your slit.

"Ohhh, Jeongguuk." You can hardly concentrate, him continuing his mission until you slide back, forcing him to raise, his bangs now clinging to his perspired forehead. His lips part just to land to kiss your chin where the scent from your folds is fresh on his lips.

He’s starving for you, and you learn right then that he wasn’t done. His hand finds your chest where he pushes you down until your back bounces on the mattress. His fingers find your nipples first where the ticklish feel from the rising buds causes the fire below to heighten. Whimpering in response to the pleasure, his mouth latches onto your nipple while his tongue dances along it.

You beg for him as he pleasures you. The intensity of how turned on you are is so heavenly, you could do this forever. He then kisses along your body until he stops at where he originally feasted and you can see the lust in his eyes before he dives in, lapping up every bit of you while he slides gentle fingertips to then vibrate along your clit. “Oh Guk! Oh baby- ah!” You moan feeling how strong your sense pleads to orgasm while your eyes roll back in ecstasy. His tongue is relentless while he licks along your heat.

When you think he’s done, he repositions to where you are sitting on his face again while his large hands cup your ass.

"Now." He says, his lips tickling your skin when you both find yourselves hazy and twisted together. "Where were we before we were interrupted?"

"I think I remember." You whisper musingly, him rolling you to crash under him- his penis finds your entrance before you can catch a breath, and that's when he starts. Pumping into your walls that are warm and drenched, your screams of delight ring throughout his room, letting Jeongguk enthrall every single one of your senses until your legs nearly give out. You moan his name. You moan profanities. You moan it fucking all. "Harder!" Your voice breaks. "Harder! Oh!"

Your climax hits you suddenly and strongly prompting you to squirt slightly which turns Jeongguk on even more than he already is. Your legs jolt beneath him while he spills inside you. You’re still screaming in pleasure from the high when he falls next to you, him leaking down your mid-thighs while you squeeze them for friction. Both of you hyperventilating, the sensitivity still presents between your legs while you two try to recover.

"Holy shit." You breathe. "Where the hell have you been again? Holy fuck."

A deep chuckle sounds from Jeongguk’s pearly smile, his eyes gleaming from the happiness he feels with you finally by his side. When his long fingers intertwine with yours, you furrow your eyebrows, shifting to rest on your side so that way you can see all of him easier.

Preparing to speak, his free hand reaches to tuck a strand of your fallen hair behind your ear rendering you speechless. Though you've kept your feelings private for so long, he's always made your heart palpitate; but, with everything that has happened, where do either of you start?

You lean your cheek into his palm where he rests it, him moving to sit up just enough to brush his lips to yours before pressing kisses on every inch of your face, his sudden passion surprising you, especially when he turns you to lay you back down just so he can lounge in your beauty from above.

“I like you naked.” He teases causing you to playfully scoff when you shove him. His chuckling smile kisses your smile while you enjoy the feel of his warm skin and the high of his presence. “I’ve missed you…” He whispers when the moment becomes serious which hitches your breathing.

Missing Jeongguk is an understatement. You’ve wished to see him again but never thought it would actually happen. You know you shouldn’t ask this, but it has tormented you since he left that you can’t help it. Hearing those words from him should have made your heart swell, but then the picture that changed everything years ago seems to be in the forefront of your mind now. “Then… why did you choose her?”

Jeongguk’s eyebrows scrunch as his lips pucker. The confusion is so apparent that you start to feel the budding sense of humiliation. He met a girl at Konkuk, right? The picture showed it all… Right?

“I mean I dated here and there later on in college, but I had to get over losing you.”

You shift to sit up as Jeongguk’s body rolls off you. What does he mean?

“But you wouldn’t have lost me if you hadn’t chosen to be with her. I mean, c’mon, Guk you hardly talked to me once you left. I spent countless nights wondering what I had done wrong! I knew you’d be busy, but I never thought, nor did I want to believe it’s because you found someone else.”

He tries so hard to understand what you are talking about as he reads your panicked gaze. But… you blocked him? Why would you block him unless you moved on too? He is uncertain of the girl you are talking about, but he listens as best as he can while he racks his brain of what happened seven years ago.

“Y/N…” He says calmly. “Can you please tell me what you are talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Guk! The picture! You had your arm wrapped around another girl! What else was I supposed to think? Do you know how destroyed I was?”

Jeongguk flits his sight to the comforter while the pair of you start to distance from your sweaty frames. The smell of sex is starting to fade, and you bundle the comforter over your chest while Jeongguk’s lower-half slips under the covers. When realization enlarges his eyes, his heart drops to his stomach. Now, he knows what you’re talking about.

“Wait… Yoongi’s girlfriend?”

“Yoongi? I thought-”

Jeongguk’s eyes search yours as if he is trying to get you to telepathically see his memories. “Me and Jin were at the hospital for a few days because Yoongi was in the hospital from- from the accident.” He wets his lips. “Sun Hee was just a friend of mine, and she was stressed from it all, so I was just trying to be there for her. We weren’t dating! I’m pretty sure we’re even related somehow.”

“Wait- wait a minute, what?” The heat hovering over your chest is intensely overwhelming when you realize the huge mistake you have made. “You mean-?”

“When I came home, I tried to get a hold of you so I could tell you everything, but I was blocked! Even years later, I tried checking social media every now and then so I could find you again, but it was like you disappeared!” Jeongguk is pouring his heart out to you meanwhile tears of utter humiliation form and begin to drip in so much regret, you can’t believe the fog in your head is allowing you to compute his every word. “Why didn’t you talk to me first? Why didn’t you let me know you were hurt?” Jeongguk’s voice is pained as he continues. “I could have explained everything! I even showed up at your place a few months after, but you weren’t home.” He doesn’t mention your dad since none of this involves either of your parents especially when he sees your reaction.

“You… came back?”

“Of course, I did! I was in love with you, y/n! I even planned to tell you about Konkuk’s mix up! They sent you the wrong letter. You were accepted. I had it all ready and planned out to surprise you! There was never anybody else, it was always you!”

The world stops. Everything just stops. The words you have longed and hoped and wished and prayed have just been said to you by Jeon Jeongguk. The man you have loved to no end. You can’t move. You don’t budge. This embarrassment is so deep and severe, you just want to run.

That’s why Jeongguk asked you why.

“Y/N? Y/N?” Jeongguk reaches to hold you.

“I was accepted into Konkuk? You- you got it fixed for me? You-”

Your head is spinning, nothing makes sense anymore. All this time, you were robbed of being with Jeongguk because of you. Not him, not fate, not destiny, not your parents, not the girl, not Konkuk University:

you.

Dropping the covers, you race to gather your things. You don’t even know if your flight has left yet. You don’t even know the time, but you must go home before you ruin everything again.

“Y/N? Please. Please hold on-”

You blur out his voice while you fumble to grab your things. Jeongguk tries to stop you, his eyes pleading- begging. You don’t know how you remembered Stan’s phone number that Taehyung happened to text you after the argument, but you manage to shoot Stan a text despite the chaos. All you hope is he is right down the road.

Somehow you find a way down the stairs while tears pour non-stop. How will you ever forgive yourself for the mess you made? Grabbing your suitcase, you struggle to put on your shoes while Jeongguk tries to slip on his. When Stan arrives, you jump into the backseat where you and the man of your dreams made love paining you as you sob. He’s frantically begging you not to leave but you can’t bring yourself to now that you finally know the truth. You don’t even give Stan time to help you. Rather, you fling your suitcase into the back seat and slam the door before Jeongguk reaches you.

“Y/N! Please don’t go! Please! We can figure this out!”

It’s all crashing down so hard as you hear Jeongguk’s voice. You beg Stan to hurry, and as the limo turns to head to the airport, you see the man you love more than anything falling to his knees in mirroring agony.

{24}

It’s him.

It has always been him.

Your hands grip the steering wheel until your knuckles are white as your eyes stay focused on the road ahead. You barely made your flight that day, and with hushed tears, the whole flight was nothing but heavy misery.

When you made it home, you were too tired to pack anything, so you stayed bundled in you and Taehyung’s bed with no will to want to do anything other than cry. It took another week for Taehyung to return home and that’s when he convinced you to give the relationship another try. You thought staying was what you deserved because after what you did to Jeongguk, you don’t deserve him anymore. And you still loved Taehyung even if it wasn’t completely to the fullest as it should have been.

It was when the movie Jeongguk and his friends were in blew up all around the world that you started seeing his face everywhere. Every picture, every magazine, every interview on television. Taehyung, naturally, questioned about everything that happened between you and ‘that actor’ as he refers to Jeongguk, so you summarized as vaguely as you could which still wasn’t enough for Taehyung. Of course, you suppress the guilt as much as you can since that is all you have seemed to feel anymore.

“There is someone from my past that means the absolute world to me and always will.” Jeongguk’s words from the interview that prompted Taehyung to leave echoes silently in the car. “This person encouraged me and believed in me even when I didn’t know it. They said to not be afraid anymore. So, I took that advice and I’m thankful I did. Now, I’ve gained brotherhood and my dreams have come true.” The remote almost slipped from your hand while you stared in shock. You knew Taehyung needed to know the truth because Jeongguk was your truth.

The fight and the breakup are still fresh, but now that it’s dark, you wipe your fingers along your face to rid of the new tears.

Jeongguk is known by the whole world now. Globally. He really did accomplish the dreams that you knew he could and would reach. He is going to make history for the rest of his life, and you will cheer him on no matter what distance. No matter what time. You will always cheer him on. Because he deserves it all.

The bleachers of the soccer field. That is where you wanted to escape to.

Stepping down the metal seats, you find the infamous spot where you would secretly watch Jeongguk all those years ago as well as the times the friendship bloomed, and he would come see you every day before your dad picked you up.

You smile through the tears as you descend into the spot. The tall lights glisten with the stars as you sit back enough to feel the breeze and you can smell the mist of the humidity from the earlier evening rain. You don’t know how much time passes, nor do you care. You just want to be here where Jeongguk used to be so you can relive all the memories and create memories you wish you could have shared with him during the years you took away.

Unexpectedly, you hear the familiar pounce of footsteps making their way down the bleachers perking your ear drums to tune into the sound. You are not sure who it could be at this time of night, and you also aren’t sure if you should be afraid. You stiffen immediately once the steps stop. Silence.

“…Y/N?”

Standing in response ever so excruciatingly slow. You cannot believe the voice you are hearing. No way.

His voice is soft as flower petals when he says your name, and the tears brim as you turn to face him with unshed happiness blossoming along your heart because Jeon Jeongguk in the flesh is standing there with hope mingled with stunned nervousness evident in his expression. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

Swiping a tear, you hardly can believe it yourself, but now you understand why you felt the urge to come here. It’s because you were meant to because the stars were aligning for him to be here too. Where it all started. “I didn’t know you’d be here either.”

“I come here when I-”

“Need an escape.”

“And, to think about you.”

Your chin quivers as you keep his eyes connected with yours. It’s been a year since you have seen him, yet it still seems so fresh as if it all happened just yesterday. “I’m so sorry.” You whisper, trying to stifle a sob. “It was all my fault that we missed out on so many years we could have been together. It’s honestly even been years since I have been here. But something… something fueled me to come here, and here I am.”

“Well…” Jeongguk clears his throat while he slips his cold fingers into his pockets. “I have a new rule for you.”

Looking at him, you wait for his response while you wipe at another tear that escapes.

“Please don’t say you’re sorry anymore. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“But I do.” You sniff to clear your airways. “I should have spoken to you the second I saw that damned picture, but I… I was so hurt and panicked that I let my selfishness take over when you needed me the most…

If I would have just waited for your call. Things would have been different. I should have asked about your friend, too. He was hurt and even though, I didn’t know him personally, I should have asked about him. Asked about you and how you were doing. If Jin was okay. There- there should have been consideration, but I let me get in the way of… Me. And I’m so sorry… Even for a year ago, the humiliation devastated me that I didn’t know how to face you. I think… I think I needed time to forgive myself for taking away time I could have spent being with you.” You stare down at your hands that are quivering from the anxiety.

“We still have time.” Jeongguk murmurs. After a few seconds of silence, he speaks. “Now, come here.”

Flitting your gaze in surprise, it’s as if the tradition never ended, but this time, there will not be a single goodbye after this embrace. Immediately, you sprint to crash into his arms, bundling into his frame while the sobs are relentless. “It’s you, Guk. It’s always been you. I’m so proud of you and all you have accomplished. I will never stop cheering you on or supporting you. You are everything to me.” He squeezes you so tight and fights to prevent his own tears from spilling onto your hair that tucks beneath his chin. He isn’t going to let you go. He holds you while you let it all out, crying all the guilt and the regret into his clothes while he comforts you the way he always will.

Into the evening, the pair of you find yourselves sitting on the bleachers staring at the stars where fingers are interlaced. This time you found the courage to grab his hand, sitting so close that shoulders are touching while the moon glistens above. Early memories begin to bud.

“Remember in elementary school when you took the blame for me smacking Kevin?”

A sly smile fills Jeongguk’s face. “Do I! That was the best day of my life!”

You look at him incredulously. “You went to the principal’s office!”

“I know, but you smacked Kevin before I could, so I wanted to take some credit.”

“Oh God, then why were you his friend later on?”

Jeongguk’s lips press in a firm line. “He didn’t have the best life growing up… Found him in tears one day so I gave him a chance. Then we lost touch.” He shrugs.

“Well, I hope he’s okay.”

“Me too.”

Silence lingers for a moment before you continue, “I guess my point of bringing up that whole situation is because that was the day, I started having feelings for you.” The serenity that collects in his gaze while he locks eyes with you breathes life into your heart just as strongly as his presence has the entirety of the night. “I don’t want to lose you anymore, Guk.” You whisper. “I’m done losing you.”

Jeongguk’s eyes reflect serene emotion and after a few minutes of him moving forward to press a slow, sweet kiss to your forehead, you then notice his free hand moves to retrieve a square box from his jacket pocket. Pulling away slightly, you stare at the box then to Jeongguk, then the box and then back to Jeongguk. Speechless.

“I bring this with me every single time I visit here, but I didn’t realize the exact moment I needed would present itself.” He shifts to face you more while you stare in stunned silence. “This is a gift I’ve been wanting to give you for years… I got it back when I started college. The second I saw it, I saved up all I could so I could surprise you.” He then hands it to you. “Open it.”

Tears are in your eyes as you bring shaky fingers to your lips. You reach for the gift and lift the lid cautiously to see the most beautiful shimmering necklace you have ever seen. The diamonds smile back at you while the symbol of a page from a script beams in the moonlight. “I know it’s not exactly how we met, but it is definitely what brought us together.”

“Jeongguk!” You cry, as he reaches for the necklace. You move slightly as he helps you put it on. You can’t take your eyes off the symbol. How did he even find something so perfect and so beautiful? “Guk, I- I love it so much! I don’t- I don’t even- I haven’t-”

His hands find your cheeks to force you to look into his eyes which ceases your panic.

“You are enough.” He means every word and you feel his heart connecting with yours beyond what you can fathom. “Also,” he smiles excitingly. “The offer still stands at Konkuk University if you still want to attend. There’s plenty slots open.”

“Oh, Guk!” You burst with elation. Immediately, he leans into you, pressing his lips to yours igniting the magic that comes alive because the pair of you have finally found each other and refuse to let it diminish. Not anymore.

“I love you.” You gasp between kisses. “I never stopped loving you.” You cling to him while he deepens the kisses, pulling you even closer.

“I love you, more...”  He whispers. “And I will never stop.”

[gallusrostromegalus]

For An Elephant is Warm and Mushy, what's the deal with Ichigo and Isshin? Cause I hate Isshin, but I want to know what your take is on it. (Sorry if you've already addressed this.)

I think my thoughts on Isshin in AEIWAM are best summed up as such:

To elaborate: I think that, if he had been a father under normal circumstances, Isshin would have been a perfectly competent and even a good father.

...But he's not parenting under Normal Circumstances.

He's parenting as widower (alone) with three psychic (no how-to guides on this!) and traumatized (Especially Ichigo) children, while processing his own trauma (Again, Widower), while in a HIGHLY demanding and stressful career (Emergency care specialist/Surgeon), while technically on the run from the law (he's still wanted for being a deserter), while also in Apex Predator Central (Karkura is CHOCK A FUCKING BLOCK fulla hollows).

And BY GOD, the man is trying! AEIWAM! Isshin does his best to keep his children informed of the dangers of their world while not also risking them breaking his witness protection scheme. He works extremely hard and his best to keep them fed, housed, safe, educated and loved, and he LOVES them SO MUCH. Isshin is NEVER shy always genuine with affection towards his children! Hell, he even reaches out to who he can (Urahara, Ryukken, his neighbors, the kid's teachers) for help because he knows he's in over his head and needs help and that's a hard damn thing for a parent to do, but...

...It's not enough.

He still lies to his children. For perfectly sane and understandable reasons, but he still lies to them. He still doesn't understand his children- He gives them all the love he can, as best he knows how, but Ichigo especially speaks an entirely different love language. He's still not there for his children. Balancing three kids is ROUGH when you're a single parent and I'm afraid Isshin has some old-fashioned notions about gender that cause him to prioritize the twins over Ichigo. And worse, he's not there when Ichigo, and later the twins, start being in mortal danger from the fallout of his connection to Soul Society.

He grit his teeth and moved heaven and earth to rise to the occasion and still managed to fall well short of it.

A+ for Effort

D- for The Actual Results

So. Why DOES Isshin keep failing at healthy communication? Why DOES he make bizarre choices? Why DOES he suck at being a father?

As I was writing I realized the answer is that he was in the right time and place to accidentally learn some VERY bad habits from his friends and colleagues during his heavy involvement in the Soi Fon-Yoruichi Debacle.

This is already a very long post, so the explanation is under the cut:

To be clear: It's not their fault.

It's one of those awful "Its nobody's fault specifically, but the way human minds work means that this sort of conflict and bad behavior was inevitable" situations. The tragedy of being discrete beings.

The crux of Soi Fon and Yoruichi's relationship was that two people who had previously only moderate issues met another person whose own issues massively exacerbated their own in a continuously escalating cycle.

AEIWAM! Soi Fon is the SOLE surviving child of the Fon Clan. He five older brothers were all killed in service to the second division and the Shihon clan. Possibly under Yoruichi's direction, if I understand the timelines right. She was also raised from a very young age to ignore her own needs as a person, use violence as a Solution to her problems, largely starved of affection, and to hero-worship Yoruichi. Girl was already messed up when she walked into the Second division.

AEIWAM! Yoruichi is ALSO a sole surviving clan heir (Yushiro is conceived as a direct result to her vanishing in TBTP) and ALSO taught to use violence as a first solution, but instead of a self-sacrificing mindset, Yoruichi was raised to believe that other people sacrificing themselves for her was normal, good and even virtuous on their part. She was also sort of doted on by her parents, who were thrilled that their last-chance heir was shaping up so well (So far as they knew).

You can see how this was always going to go badly.

Soi fon is desperate to please. Yoruichi thinks this is perfectly normal and desirable behavior, and so she rewards it with copious affection, because Soi Fon responds to that well. Soi fon, receiving her first hit of positive reinforcement in her whole life, promptly falls head over heels for Yoruichi, and works even harder for her. Yoruichi, thrilled to have someone so capable, continues to reward this behavior. The cycle continues, and escalates.

Eventually, the two of them are operating in completely different worlds. So far as Soi Fon can tell, She and Yoruichi are in a Grand Romance, like a knight and her princess in the fairytale stories she used to comfort herself with as a little girl. She assumes this is a normal relationship between lieutenant and captain. So far as Yoruichi can tell, She and Soi Fon are in a Perfectly Normal And Platonic Working Relationship, because this is how every 2nd Division Lieutenant has fawned over their Shihon captain since the division's inception, and she assumes this is perfectly normal.

At some point, Soi Fon realizes that their relationship is really one-sided and she's giving 110% for maybe 4% on Yoruichi's behalf, but she's invested so much and every authority figure in her life is telling her that this is Right and Correct, that she actively chooses the fantasy over reality to cope with her circumstances. At some point, Yoruichi realizes that she's wildly taking advantage of Soi Fon's romantic feelings that she... well. She likes the girl well enough, but not romantically. But She relies so much on Soi Fon to run the 2nd Division and every authority figure in her life is telling her that this is Right and Correct that she actively chooses to play into Soi Fon's fantasy to preserve this very beneficial (for her) status Quo.

...Enter Kisuke Urahara.

Urahara has no horse in this particular race- in fact, he doesn't even know there's a race going on. He's deeply enamored of this ABSOLUTE BABE that's into his schlubby little ass, who's cool and funny and involved in the same insane workplace he is, and when Yoruichi sometimes complains to him about how crazy her lieutenant is, his only frame of reference is... Mayuri. He thinks this is normal, and the romantic relationship between him and Yoruichi continues to grow. She's his unexpected 11 out of 10, he's her fun dirty little secret. It's kinda tawdry, but it is honest.

Then TBTP happens. Kisuke and Yoruichi sorta accidentally frame themselves for treason, then someone (Aizen) very on purpose frames them for treason.

And so far as Soi Fon knows, the woman she loved, the woman she devoted her life to, the woman who (allegedly) loved her back- has lied to and discarded her.

It hurts. It hurts A Lot.

...Enter Isshin Shiba.

In AEIWAM, Isshin becomes a captain the same week TBTP happens, though he's on the other side of the rukongai when that shit goes down, so he shows up to his first captain's meeting with more than half the captains being brand new to their jobs, not totally sure what he or anyone else is doing-

-And there's Soi Fon. Alone and Miserable.

Isshin is an older brother to a younger sister (who never gets a name in canon) and an uncle to her three children, but they all live way out in the middle of nowhere so he hardly ever sees them and seeing Soi Fon at the meeting, exhausted and distraught (And maybe a little bit hungover) activates every single Big Brother And Uncle instinct he's been looking to inflict on someone.

It's VERY easy for him to hear Soi Fon's side of the story, conveniently ignore the part where she actively chose to believe in a romantic relationship she knew didn't actually exist, and cast Yoruichi as The Bad Guy Who Took Advantage Of My Poor Substitute Little Sister.

Soi Fon, who had *almost* been on the verge of being realistic about the breakup, leans into his version of the story, because, again, she's massively starved for affection and Isshin is giving her the type of love her now-dead brothers used to. So Isshin learns Bad Gender Habits here, and Bad Listening Habits, and Bad "Casting People Into Roles Instead Of Treating Them Like People" Habits, and gets rewarded for them with Soi Fon's attention and sisterly affection.

This is also probably where his decision-making skills start to decline- Soi Fon is a Trusted Colleague of his, and he goes to her for advice on Tricky Political Things, because that's what 2nd division DOES. Unfortunately, Soi Fon lives in Information Opsec Paranoia Spy Shit Hell, and gives her advice out accordingly. He starts favoring not giving out details unless he thinks it's REALLY necessary, and using bad-faith decision making. Even More unfortunately, the Gotei-13 is a hot mess of an organization and these habits serve him well.

...Enter Masaki Ishida, and shortly thereafter, Exit Isshin Shiba until he appears in the Human world as Dr. Isshin Kurosaki, and his wife, Masaki Kurosaki.

It's during the "I met a woman who is *technically* an enemy of the state, but she was so cool I fell so hard in love I decided to do a desertion and light treason" mess, Isshin becomes properly acquainted with Urahara and Yoruichi, and eventually, he hears Yoruichi's side of the story. He reverses course, now Soi Fon is the Crazy Ex, and Yoruichi was just doing what was necessary to survive in their demented military-industrial-spy-governement workplace.

Yoruichi doubles down on his "Shut the FUCK up or Yamamoto or worse is gonna come and kill us, and everyone we love" paranoia, because she's also on the run, and when he comes to her for advice on "So apparently the hollows are WAY stronger than I thought, they KILLED MY WIFE, how am I supposed to keep my kids safe?" She advocates teaching them how to recognize and hide from hollows rather than proper self-defense or the truth, because her first fear still is retribution from Soul Society. It's not insane of her- Yamamoto has a very literally fiery temper and can hold grudges for millennia.

So Isshin Tries. But he's also very burdened by paranoid neurotic behavior he doesn't even know he has, and dodgy-if-not-totally-insane advice from his friends.

And that's what I think of Isshin Kurosaki :)

[minecraftbookshelf]

MOS.

Would you like to tell us about regional holidays and festives? Whale migration festival? End of Harvest Season? First day of Spring? Do Empires share a big common holiday, maybe like Christmas?

Absolutely

So we have three categories here; canon holidays, holidays I already had in mind, and holidays i figured out while thinking about this ask. We'll go in that order.

There aren’t exactly any universal holidays, but there are some that are fairly widespread.

Canonically we have two holidays, Winterfest and Halloween.

Winterfest is from Rivendell and is their winter solstice celebration. It's primarily centered around communal celebration and gift-giving. There is also a strong religious aspect to it, though that has been a bit more subdued of late given the somewhat awkward situation with the whole "the king is the champion of Exor" thing. (Scott usually presides over the Winterfest ceremonies.) This was also Scott’s favorite holiday growing up. Traditionally the people stay up all night (children usually have varied success with this) and there are bonfires and food. Gifts are usually left to be found, rather than given directly.

Hallowe'en is a mortal celebration, primarily in Mythland. Lately Katherine has taken an interest in it as well and often travels to Mythland to celebrate it. It is also celebrated in Helianthia, the Grimlands, the Crystal Cliffs, Mangrovia, and the Swamp, to varying extents. It is celebrated on the Autumn equinox and involves costumes and pranks and gifts, usually of the edible variety.

-

Some holidays that I already had percolating are…

Solstices and Equinoxes tend to be fairly universally celebrated to different degrees in different places.

The Helianthian harvest festival, which takes place in the fall, usually either shortly before or after Hallowe’en and is their largest holiday. It is primarily celebrated via food and community, with lots of music, dance, and story-teling. People weave crowns and jewelry from wheat and grass and wear them. No other accessories are worn during the celebrations. 

The Church of the Blood Sheep has several smaller observances throughout the year, especially on the solstices.

Pixandrian new year is a major event, when they celebrate the death of the old year and the arrival of the new. This is another “stay up all night” event. The oasis is lit up so bright it can be seen for miles across the desert during this time. Feasts are held and the old year is honored at the vigil. And then they dance and dance and dance until dawn. Pixandria uses a lunar calendar and their new year is the new moon that marks the transition from winter into spring.

The spring equinox is the biggest seasonal celebration in the Overgrown, though the autumn equinox and both solstices are also huge. But they are the Spring Court so obviously, that equinox is their biggest. This is not a safe celebration for mortals. It’s wild even by fae standard, with music, alcohol, and hunting. Mortals straying too close tend to end up hunted. The Helianthian border villages will celebrate this equinox during the day, but they lock their doors tight that night.

There is a late summer observance in the Swamp centered around the slime harvest.

Rivendell has a sheep-shearing festival in the late spring.

-

Some that I thought of because of this ask…

The Ocean Empire is primarily in warm waters so they don’t actually see whales most of the year but I really do like the idea of the towers being in sight of a whale migration highway and that being one of their major seasonal observances. It would also be a hunting event, though they probably would only hunt one or two. A single whale goes a long way towards sustaining a community. When they first were establishing themselves at their current location it was probably only one whale but they have enough people now they might go for two or three. They wouldn’t need more than that most likely because they have trade-routes and established infrastructure for food.

Mezaleans celebrate the spring equinox around the mother tree. This is when the annual coming-of-age ceremony is held there. People travel into the capitol from all over the mesa for it.

-

There are more of course, smaller region observances especially. But this is a good collection I think! Thank you for the ask!

[e998]

Spa in undertale\ Спа в андертеил

Русский\English

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I thought how nice it would be to swim, go to the spa, for example. It just came to my mind – spa in Undertale. I don't know if anyone came up with this before me, but I haven't seen it myself yet.

Monsters initially appeared in the dungeon, built ruins, and only after they came to the surface and became friends with people. Some monsters wanted to return and returned to the dungeon, building everything beyond the ruins. Due to the multitude of water sources, the whole dungeon has become a large spa complex.

Once the monsters appeared in the mountain, there were rumors about the mountain that it could grant wishes if you threw a coin into the caves. That's what Chara wanted to do, but a mountain is a mountain and dangerous anyway. Chara fell into a dungeon and met the Dreemurr family.

The ruins have become a self-service spa. You take care of yourself using things and inventory. You can use everything yourself without involving others. Toriel looks after everything. The water is heated from Hotland and Snowdin with ruins constantly have hot springs.

It's so nice to bathe in hot water when it's snowing and freezing all around. And Snowdin is the very place where your wish will come true.

Sans. He would have changed his jacket for a terry robe, and he was too lazy to change the rest. His observation post would become a gazebo where you can exchange a wet towel for a dry one. Sans stacks towels on the counter and sleeps hidden behind them.

Waterfall (Waterfall). This place becomes special in its atmosphere, partly melancholic and lonely. Yes, you celebrate loneliness here, but it is kind, like unity with oneself. Many rivers are combined into a closed path and they are used as a waterway. Yeah, just like when you tried everything, swam everywhere and got tired, but you want to continue, and you take a circle, put it on the water and go with the flow. This should definitely be one of Sans' favorite pastimes. Katie and Bretty (Bratty and Catty) also sell things from the dump, but the dump itself was formed from lost things. They sell you your own stuff for money.

Undyne is a coach, lifeguard and security guard. When water competitions are held, she takes all the medals. He also trains Papyrus. She sends him to train the children in the “frog house”, but he doesn't seem to mind it.

Hotland is a large dry sauna. There is no water there, but there are beaches. The hot sand warms up the bones well and the heat spreads through the body. Aromatic or medicinal salt is added to the sand. There are also beaches with small and large pebbles or stones. It's funny, but they serve hot food and drinks there.

Alphys oversees the laboratory and equipment. The laboratory will become a water park with water slides and attractions. Mettaton is a beach pop diva.

The castle will become a vip spa. They'll fix everything for you. Spa treatments will be arranged for you, and the waiters will bring snacks.

Toriel and Asgore quarreled because they saw differently what a vacation should look like. Toriel thinks that if you rest, then you shouldn't make others work, and Asgore thinks that if you rest, then rest like a king. Toriel went into ruins, but after that they reconciled. They were sneaking towards each other, meeting at the same time when they returned to their rooms. They came to the conclusion that it's not so bad to relax the way the other wants it, but they stayed where they like. They call each other on the phone, communicate and meet.

When Frisk fell into the dungeon, Azriel and Chara had already grown up. They consider Frisk to be their younger brother/sister.

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Подумал, как хорошо было бы поплавать, сходить в spa, например. Это само пришло само в голову – spa в Undertale. Не знаю придумал ли кто-то это до меня, но сама я еще подобного не видел.

Монстры изначально появились в подземелье, построили руины, а уже после вышли на поверхность и сдружились с людьми. Некоторые монстры захотели вернутся и вернулись в подземелье построив все что дальше руин. Из-за множества водных источников целое подземелье стало большим комплексом spa.

Раз монстры появились в горе то про гору ходили слухи что она может исполнять желания если кинуть монетку в пещеры. Так хотела сделать Чара(Chara )но гора это гора и опасна в любом случае. Чара (Chara) упала в подземелье и познакомилась с семьей Дримуров (Dreemurr).

Руи��ы стали spa самообслуживания. Вы сами за собой ухаживаете, используя вещи и инвентарь. Все можно использовать самому не привлекая других. Ториель (Toriel) присматривает за всем. Вода нагревается от хотленда (Hotland) и Сноудин (Snowdin) с руинами постоянно имеют горячие источники.

Так приятно искупать в горячей воде, когда вокруг снег и мороз. И Сноудин (Snowdin) то самое место где ваше желание исполнится.

Санс (Sans). Он бы сменил куртку на махровый халат, а остальное ему лень поменять. Его наблюдательный пост стал бы беседкой где можно обменять мокрое полотенце на сухое. Санс (Sans) складывает полотенца стопками на прилавок и спит спрятавшись за ними.

Водопадье (Waterfall). Это место становиться особенным по атмосфере, отчасти меланхоличное и одинокое. Да ты чествуешь здесь одиночество, но оно доброе, как единение самим собой. Множество речек объединены в замкнутый путь и их используют как водную дорогу. Ага, прям как когда ты все испробовал, везде поплавал и устал, но хочешь продолжить, и ты берешь круг, ставишь на воду и плывёшь по течению.  Это точно должно быть одно из любимых времяпрепровождений Санса (Sans). Кетти и Бретти (Bratty and Catty) также продают вещи со свалки, но сама свалка образовалась из потерянных вещей. Ода. Они продают тебе твои же вещи за деньги.

Андаин (Undyne) является тренером, спасателем и охранником. Когда проводят водные соревнования то она забирает все медали. Так же тренирует Папируса (Papyrus). Она отправляет его тренировать детей в “лягушатник”, но он кажется не против этого.

Хотленд (Hotland) большая сухая сауна. Воды там нет, но есть пляжи. Раскаленный песок хорошо прогревает кости и жар расходиться по телу. В песок добавляют ароматическую или лечебную соль. Еще есть пляжи с мелкой и крупной галькой или камнями. Забавно, но там подают горячею еду и напитки.

Альфис (Alphys) следит за лабораторией и техникой. Лаборатория станет аквапарком с водными горками и аттракционами. Меттатон (Mettaton) пляжная поп-дива.

Замок станет vip spa. За тебя заделают все. Для тебя устроят spa процедуры, а официанты принесут закуски.

Ториель (Toriel) и Азгор (Asgore) рассорились ведь по-разному видели, как должен выглядеть отдых. Ториель (Toriel) думает, что если отдыхаешь, то ты не должен других заставлять работать, а Азгор (Asgore) что если отдыхаешь, то отдыхай как король. Ториель (Toriel) ушла в руины, но после они помирились. Они тайком шли друг к другу одновременно встретившись, когда возвращались к себе. Пришли к выводу что не так уж и плохо отдыхать так, как этого хочет другой, но остались так где им нравится. Звонят друг другу по телефону, общаются и встречаются.

Когда Фриск (Frisk) упала в подземелье то Азриэль (Asriel) и Чара (Chara) уже выросли. Они считают Фриск (Frisk) своим младшим братом\сестрой.

[eaglesnick]

“While communism is the control of business by government, fascism is the control of government by business." Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.

During the BBC Election Debate, hosted by Mishal Hussain, the candidates were asked how our country would be kept “safe from another major conflict?” We had the expected answers regarding increased spending on the armed forces, a commitment to maintaining our nuclear deterrent and increasing the number of military personnel. Carla Denya, the co-leader of the Green Party, however, took a different tack, pointing out a less obvious, but perhaps the most dangerous threat of all.

“The biggest threat facing the UK and the world is climate change"

Ok, this is exactly the answer the leader of the Greens would give. No points for working that out. But the fears she voiced were not that we would all die of heat stroke, or burn to death in forest fires, nor was she unduly concerned about increased rainfall or flooding per se. She didn’t even mention rising sea levels due to melting icecaps.

Having put forward climate change as the biggest existential threat Britain is facing she went on to tell us:

” And militaries, interestingly, are taking this threat extremely seriously.”

The reasons hardheaded military authorities all over the world are taking climate change so seriously is because it will create food and water shortages leading to famine. This in turn will cause conflict as millions of people literally fight to the death trying to access these diminishing resources, which in turn will lead to massive migration and refugee problems.

Africa will be one of the worse affected continents.

“17 out of the 20 countries most threatened by climate change are in Africa." (uneca.org: 02/11/23)

Africa has a population of nearly 1.5billion souls, 60% being younger than 25 years of age. According to Statistica, 45% of Africans are Muslim while Christians make up the majority of the population.  In sub-Saharan Africa 36 of the 42 countries were at war with each other between 2018-2022.

These wars involve Muslim and Christians alike, and according to the German Institute for Global and Area Studies, “religious violence in Africa has become frequent and is increasing”. Most of the theological conflicts involve Sunni Islamists, but Christian fundamentalists are also responsible for a number of deadly conflicts.

 As climate change impacts more and more on the environment, expect further conflicts as all sides battle for control and access to the vital resources of food and water.

The developed western democracies are historically blamed for global warming due to industrialisation. More recently, China and India must share some of the responsibility for rising CO2 levels. However, when millions of Africans are on the move trying to escape the inevitable increase in conflict in their geographical region, it is not America, China or India they will be heading toward – it will be Europe. This will cause massive social tensions. Even if these refugees were of the same ethnic and religious persuasion as we native white Europeans this would still cause resentment and resistance. Indeed, this is already happening.

The far-right in this weeks European elections, have played the “immigration card” to great effect, stoking peoples fears to their own political advantage.  The sad fact is, there is some truth in what they say. Mass migration has led to lower wages – it was meant to!  That is simply the law of supply and demand. An influx of tens of thousands of migrants in a short period of time, does lead to housing shortages and strains on health and education services. Only a fool would deny these potential problems.

How much migration contributes to these problems - rather than under-investment and budget cuts -   doesn’t really matter if people THINK migrants are the sole problem. Across Europe the far-right are successfully laying ALL of the blame for failing public services on excessive migrant numbers. At the moment numbers are relatively low compared to what is to come.  Imagine how much more traction they will gain when the existing conflicts in Africa worsen due to climate change and millions more young Africans head for Europe’s shores.

ALL of the far-right political parties in Europe are hostile towards migrants but they also are highly critical of the green agenda and policies aimed at mitigating climate change. Nigel Farage stated a few days ago that decarbonising the grid by 2035 is “unaffordable”. What's more, he claims green policies are "sacrificing economic growth". According to Farage, "net zero is a bad policy and is bad for people.” 

If the Greens are right, then continued global warming will result in a massive increase in African migration as their continent is hit by chronic food and water shortages, and resulting regional conflict.  For Forage and the rest of the far-right in Europe, growing the economy (and making the already wealthy even richer) by the same old polluting industrial practices is far more important than mitigating the inevitable increase in African refugees seeking safety in Europe.

If they were genuinely concerned about migration numbers they would be supporting the green agenda, not opposing it.

The really cynical might be forgiven for believing that without the emotive issue of migration then the political parties on the far-right might have nothing with which to appeal to their electorates. After all, none of them offer alternative economic policies to the ones we already have, and for the vast majority of Europeans, and certainly here in Britain, these policies have been failing ordinary working people for years.

[saucy-mesothelioma]

Is there any piece of British media you enjoy a lot? I want to learn the British accent (for my career, ofc) and it's the best way to get myself into it

Ooh, that's a really intriguing question, and I'd love to hear about your career if you don't mind sharing because it sounds interesting! I like to do voiceovers for a hobby so I definitely get the importance of having media to compare and go off of. Of course, I have no clue about specific accents so you might have to do additional research if you need a very specific region, but I'll try my best to give a few pieces of media that might be able to help.

•The Magnus Archives/The Magnus Protocol: It's a horror podcast about an institute that takes in statements on the paranormal, and has a wide array of characters to use for reference. And since it's an audio performance, it might be easier to pick up inflections and things like that. Not to mention it's incredibly entertaining.

•The Outlaws: I never got around to finishing this show, but it's pretty good. It's about a group of people doing community service that end up getting involved in a drug gang ring. It's pretty funny even though quite a bit of the comedy comes from second-hand embarrassment, but it's definitely not bad.

•End of the F***ing World: That's another show I haven't finished primarily because I was watching it with my brother. From what I can remember, it's about two kids (one a moody teen girl and the other a teen boy who thinks he's a psychopath) who run off to find the girl's estranged father. Unfortunately, I don't remember much about it, but from what I do know it was entertaining.

•Extras: It's sort've like The Office (in fact it was written and stars two of the guys who wrote the UK Office) but it follows a guy who's trying to become a prominent actor and fails miserably. It's got a lot of guest appearances and it's a relatively short series as well. I personally hate shows like The Office, but this was one I liked.

•Haunting of Bly Manor: Not as good as Haunting of Hill House in my opinion, but it's still an incredibly good although short horror series. It's about a woman who goes to care for two kids for their uncle after they were orphaned. It'll definitely be entertaining to watch and it's worth a try.

•Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Radio Show/TV Series: You already know what Hitchhiker's Guide is so I won't explain it, but if I had to choose one or the other to suggest I would go with the radio show. The TV series is amazing, don't get me wrong, but for your purposes I find that audio-only pieces of media would work best. This is the version I prefer to listen to.

•Anything Monty Python: I can't guarantee that this would be the best source because it genuinely might be too entertaining. I fuckin love Monty Python with everything I have and there's not much I can say about it because it's just something you have to experience.

Of course, you can also look towards prominent British actors like Tim Curry, Angela Lansbury, and John Oliver, which is something I would suggest doing as well. Personally another thing that I've found to be helpful is also practicing a transatlantic accent, which is basically halfway between an American accent and a British accent. The only two people I can think of off the top of my head that have a very good transatlantic accent are Vincent Price and David Ogden Stiers (specifically as his role as Charles Winchester in M*A*S*H), so that might be some good warm-up. Hopefully this was of some help!

[mercerislandbooks]

The Thursday Murder Club: A Full Staff Rec

We have something a little bit different for you this week. As a start to our series of posts about our favorite books of the year, we want to talk about The Thursday Murder Club by Richard Osman. This delightful book should work as a present for almost anyone on your list. Why do I feel I can say that? Because almost everyone on staff has read it, and we all loved it! From the fantasy and romance readers to the literary fiction and nonfiction readers, we've all found ourselves recommending The Thursday Murder Club time and time again.

Lil gave me her elevator pitch for the book earlier this week: "What happens when a former spy moves into your fancy retirement community? Murder, that's what. But who did it and why? More importantly, which community room is available to reserve so you and your friends can meet to solve the crime? If this doesn't sound like a great set up for a book, you should probably still give it a try. Based on the wide variety of readers here who loved it, you're probably going to love it too. There's humor, friendship, love, suspense, and a satisfying conclusion. There's not much more I look for in a cozy read." And cozy it is. This is the type of book you pick up when you want something warm and comforting and kind that has substance.

Lori is "...one of those people who likes mysteries despite the dead bodies — for [her] it is all about the relationships of the recurring cast of characters. The Thursday Murder Club has a delightfully quirky cast of amateur sleuths, all retirees in assisted living, who jump at the chance to get involved in a real murder when someone turns up dead. Perfect for fans of Louise Penny!"

Like Lori said, it's the characters that populate this book (and the rest of the series) that make it such a favorite here at the store. Nancy agrees. "This series has such rich characters - not cute and cozy seniors but adults who have lived full lives (with some serious faults and rough edges!) It explores serious issues with charm and warmth and the capers move at a quick pace. Just a great entertaining read!"

Cindy was the first person at Island Books to pick it up and give it a go. "I read The Thursday Murder Club very early on and chose it like I always do—by the cover art, by title, and by plot: A group of super-smart seniors happily solving old crimes and cold cases in a retirement home turn their attentions to a murder most local. That sounded like it might be interesting and inspiring (edging toward retirement myself) and, when I noted that Kate Atkinson called it "a little beacon of pleasure", I turned to the first page and just kept on reading. I liked the many characters and I like stories told from different points of view. It made me laugh and smile and it was a complex mystery with well-constructed characters. I don't typically read feel-good mysteries and I never went further with the series but I suspect I will one day."

Her recommendation—as well as the enthusiastic follow-up reviews from my other coworkers—was what put it onto my TBR (to-be-read) list in the first place. I eagerly grabbed the excuse of "it's for book club" to vault it up to spot number one, and then proceeded to devour the rest of the series in blatant disregard of the other poor books that have been on my list for...some unspecified amount of time...

Brad summed it up well: "This book is very funny. It's very kind. The characters are great, and the actual murder plot is really good." So if you have someone that you don't quite know what to get, The Thursday Murder Club comes highly recommended by the booksellers (and extended family) of Island Books. And if they've already read it and loved it, there are three other books for them to play catch up with.

— Becca

[kittyball23]

Chapter 3 - Stories From the NSA (an Incredibles fanfic)

There were several reasons why Downburst did not have a particular liking toward Frozone.

For one, he was much more well-liked and well-known in the Supers community. Where Downburst sat in the back end of the NSA board room during meetings, Frozone took the front end, greeted with high-fives or pats on the back. The Super’s open and relaxed vibe he gave off was much more poised rather than his own bumbling and awkward self.

Second, Frozone's powers were much cooler than his - and not just because of his literal ice-making powers - no, but his actual powers made him stand out and were far more useful than his. While Downburst could manipulate atoms, it was difficult to do anything too massive, like recreating a brand-new motorcycle out of scratch – a project that he had been trying for so long to accomplish, but still was unable to get it right. Tires would end up too large. Handlebars would be backwards. Pedals would jut out of the seat. The seat itself would be upside down. Downburst could just sigh at how unsuccessful each attempt turned out, feeling terrible for being unable to make his friend Elastigirl’s dream of having her very own ‘Elasticycle’ come true. All in all, he could likely say that the most useful thing he got out of his powers was the capability to heal minor injuries. He supposed it was in part to his practice in civilian life as Dr. Adam Scott, a PhD in medical dermatology who was widely referred to due to his ability – spoken on the hush of course – to fully heal his patients of whatever issue was plaguing them just by simply placing a hand over the affected area and letting his powers handle the rest.

But perhaps the biggest reason he'd held such a strong distaste toward Frozone, was the fact that he had gotten the opportunity to work with her - Blazestone.

Downburst had admired her since the day he'd first joined the NSA, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. He first caught sight of her when she entered NSA headquarters just as he was getting briefed by the head agent Rick Dicker on the types of missions he would likely be involved with. She'd sauntered past Dicker, interrupting their conversation to boast about how she had apprehended several criminals just that morning. She had swung out her arms enthusiastically, her excitement causing sparks to fly out of her hands. Dicker had dodged in time to avoid them, but a few embers clung to Downburst’s suit. He quickly swiped them off, the heat easily seeping through the material and stinging his skin underneath.

"Oh whoops! Sorry about that kid," she apologized, wiping some of some of the leftover embers that still clung to his head. "Can't help myself when I'm fired up!" And with that, she'd swung back around, blonde ponytail bobbing lightly as she strolled away to join some of the other Supers. Dicker had continued speaking to him, but his mind had remained on her for the remainder of their conversation. Her long lashes and slender form, not to mention that spunky attitude, had him feeling all warmed up inside just like her pyrotechnic ability.

Upon timidly asking Dicker if he could potentially be teamed up with her, the older man shook his head, explaining that Blazestone in particular had to be carefully monitored and was already placed with a more experienced partner who would be able to do just that. Downburst raised an eyebrow in confusion, wondering both why such a lovely superheroine who seemed to be dedicated to her work would need to be watched and also who was the lucky one who’d gotten chosen to be with her. But he needn’t wonder for long. He could see Blazestone reach a group of Supers further inside the facility, one of them in a blue-and-white suit high-fiving her. Frozone. Each hissed in slight pain, Frozone when her scorching palm hit his, and Blazestone when his icy palm hit hers. He could hear him congratulate her for her successful apprehension, and also remind her to next time include him as it was a team effort. And that’s when Downburst knew, and felt what had once been a slight pang of envy within him increase tenfold.

It became even worse when he’d began hearing the rumors start floating around about the pair. He first heard it in a whisper from fellow Super Gamma Jack, who’d claimed to have accidentally eavesdropped on the two of them planning out a date. Another time, the Super Hypershock claimed to have seen them holding hands. And still another time Mr. Incredible, Frozone’s closest friend, had claimed that they had “a special thing going on” with each other, perhaps beyond their professional relationship.

Downburst had held onto a shred of hope that it wasn't true, but he was proven wrong. He'd been on his way home late one night after an unsuccessful day in crime-fighting, when he'd thought he heard voices coming from a nearby alleyway. He approached the alley quietly, in case they were criminals attempting to remain unknown. As it turned out, that was far from the truth, for the sight before him was on he'd wished he hadn't witnessed. Despite it being dark, he knew it was them - Frozone identifiable with his slim build and Blazestone with her signature high ponytail - their bodies close together and their lips locked in a passionate kiss. 

He was baffled, crushed, and hurt more than anything. Downburst hurried off after that, double-stepping his pace and not wishing to stick around and see anymore. He was grateful they didn't notice his presence, for he wouldn't have known what explanation to give for just watching the pair. He slammed the door to his small apartment shut, landing on his sofa with an unceremonious thump , attempting to gather his thoughts. 

He sighed, forcing back tears of frustration and slinking further into the seat cushions, wishing they could just swallow him up whole. It should have been him . He was no stranger to hearing about their arguments - her fiery attitude and Frozone's laid back behavior would often clash and make work out on the field a difficulty. They should not be sharing any kind of romantic connection with such a rocky relationship. He, on the other hand, would treat her like a queen. He held no kind of animosity against her. If they worked together, he would easily listen to her and not question any kind of plan since she was the more experienced one. 

But, that had not been the case. Dicker had specifically paired the two together in an attempt to get her to work better in a team, as he later learned. It was assumed that Frozone's cool would make for a good balance against her heat. And the man was right... for the most part. Because the fact was that she wasn't his type, and he wasn’t hers. So when did this happen? he asked himself, scrambling for some sort of answer. How did it happen? And why, oh why, did his unwavering crush for the beautiful Super woman have to be unrequited?

He sat there, mulling over these questions and trying desperately to ignore the gnawing pain that began at his chest and spread downward like an incurable aching, until eventually his eyes grew heavy and he succumbed to sleep, feeling much more content when he did so. Because it was only in his dreams that he could escape the reality of the situation and instead envision himself in the ice-Super's place. Well-liked by fellow Supers, skilled in his powers, and admired by Blazestone, the one woman who had taken his breath away and had stolen his heart.

[inhcritance]

Harry was more certain, every minute that went by, that he was already late for grabbing the best books on wolf body language he could find and start studying even more. Not so much because Peter was being cryptic, but because Harry wished he understood more: not long ago, all he'd needed to understand was the difference between threat and lack thereof. Between a werewolf that was about to attack, and one that hadn't noticed him.

Now he saw so much more, and as much as Peter was clear enough in his meaning, Harry kept wishing he could make it easier for them both. Maybe next time, if there was a next time that hopefully didn't involve injuries.

The lick to his arm was, however, a strange, almost amusing sensation: not as rough as Faustus' tongue, and clear-ish in its reassurance, and Harry could not resist the instinct to reach towards Peter's canine head and offer a brief scratch to his ears, now that his fear was gone and all that was left was the communication issues and one large shifted werewolf that was easily proving the truth of his previous words: he wasn't dangerous if he didn't have to be.

He was also clear enough, in some meanings: Harry nodded, when he saw the way he reacted to the offer of opening the balcony.

And truly, the balcony was a nice place to be in, Harry had spent so much time reading there when the weather was nice, so it was the least he could offer. Even if it might be a bit too cold for him... which was, he supposed, after a small nod at Peter's nudge and the lack of any woofing, something that was solved with warm tea and a blanket, because he did feel bad about leaving Peter to enjoy the fresh air alone.

And as much as Harry often did try his best to be inside during the Full Moon, because all the voices in the sky were a reminder of everything that lurked in the night, sometimes he hadn't been able to. Sometimes some searches couldn't wait, and Harry could not help his disquiet at the sounds he heard.

It was certainly not the first disquiet he faced that night, and he did feel safe there, being home and with Peter there.

"If you get the blanket on the couch for me," he asked Peter, once he was mostly done with the tea and had chosen one of his favorite mugs with the worst science puns he could find, "I'll open the balcony for us." He offered.

Because his steps were careful, and Faustus was there for moral support, but he didn't think he could make the trip towards the door more than once without sitting down.

@localwebslingers

More than once, not everyone in the pack had been able together for the full moon but they all tried to. It was easiest for the wolves among them to do so, usually cramming into Aunt May's home and doing the best with the space they had, but sometimes the others had other things they had to take care of instead. Most of the time, all or most of them were able to meet, and if they were really lucky they could all get out into the forest for the peek of the cycle. Where they were far away from the city limits and could shift, run, and even hunt through the night. A chance to enjoy the moon's glow the way it should be, open and without fear.

Peter wasn't bothered with being away from them, and he looked back to Harry and offered a small lick to his arm to try and reassure him of that. There would always be the next cycle, and truthfully he would rather be there, making sure that Harry was recovering and had some extra help if needed. It was important, the pack would understand.

Still, the offer of the balcony made his ears and tail perk up slightly as another distant, muffled howl reached him from somewhere on the other side of the glass. Distant, unfamiliar, not a howl he knew but the next in the batch of voices ringing out to the moon. Offerings of howls, of their songs, and what she gave them. Peter didn't always have the chance to stretch his legs and run the way he wanted on these nights, but not being able to at least enjoy the night air and howl felt wrong. Deeply wrong, even if he'd been hesitant on if it would be alright or not. Less because of where he was and more because he had no idea if it would only add to any remaining nerves that Harry had.

He looked over to the balcony doors and back at Harry, glancing up to the tea that he was aware he'd been asked about but the split seemed fine to him. After a moment he nudged at his friend's arm and looked pointedly at the tea before back at him. Hoping the message was at least somewhat clear. The night was still young, Peter could wait until he drinks as ready. Besides, he wanted to bring Harry outside with him to hear what it was like on nights like this. When the sound wasn't for a threat or a warning, but something else.

|| @inhcritance ||

[plungermusic]

“We’re really all just one big happy family, honest …”

Blues folk are always banging on about the warm familial collegiality that has long been a hallmark of the ‘scene’, but then there are families and families. Plunger take a chainsaw to the family tree:

Grandpa Blues - A bit past it now, and prone to long rambling tales about the good old days when everything was black and white, a night out at a gig cost 3/6 and you could understand every word of the songs (mainly because there were so few of them and every one of those was repeated at least three times in a verse). Doesn’t understand his kids or grandkids but, as paterfamilias, he tries his best to keep them all on the straight and narrow path he trod all his life, offering stern, sage, and mostly ignored, advice (from his continental retirement villa).

Grandma Blues - Spry and sprightly, often to be seen down the front in the hamster-dance mosh-pit at any sparsely attended community centre or village hall gig. She doesn’t get involved in the family politics, no matter how acrimonious, as she loves everyone equally without fear or favour. After a few Dubonnets will regale you with how much she fancies “Oooooh, whatsisname, you know, Earl is it, or Errol something or other? Oooooh inn’e loooooooovely…”

Dad Blues - Hair and a discernible waistline may be long gone, but Dad still knows he’s got it, as long as he can still squeeze into that vintage Hoax t-shirt. If he’s not in a band with his old Polytechnic chums, or playing bass for his son’s best friend’s band, he’ll be guiding his son toward the stardom that was always rightfully his own. Having bombarded his children endlessly with his SRV collection he is hugely proud of Nigel but frustrated the others only have ears for Fats Domino, NWA and Metallica (or worse, Joe Bonamassa). Secretly hopes ‘Uncle’ Mike will groom his daughter Susan for bigger things.

Mum Blues - Mum Blues is like mums everywhere, but instead of cake stalls, Tupperware sales or WI jam drives, mum Blues is organising the local blues confederation from her kitchen, working the merch desk at her children’s shows, or trying her hand at promoting jam sessions in the local tea shop. Loves her whole family unconditionally “…if only Dad wouldn’t be so pushy, and Auntie wasn’t quite so loud, and Nigel would find himself a nice girl, and Susan had better dress sense, and Sid wouldn’t spit on the floor and… awwww, Tristram, bless!!!”

Auntie Blues - Dressed much like Dad blues, always head-banging on the rail and flipping ‘the horns’ Auntie Blues is a much-loved source of mild embarrassment to the Blues family. Eagerly following any and all bands that cross her path, her catholic tastes manage to offend all sides, but her sheer teenage enthusiasm largely overcomes any real ill-feeling. 

Nigel Blues - Eldest son Nigel had to bear the brunt of Dad’s eagerness to spawn a new star. Dutiful, neatly besuited, diligently practising, respectful of both Dad’s 90s heroes and the older icons from his Grandpa’s era, Nigel has already toured the halls and pubs with his Dad (and a reliced Strat) notwithstanding his total lack of talent, musicality, verve, flair or charisma. Openly critical (but secretly jealous) of his siblings.

Susan Blues - Susan has unaccountably confused ‘rockabilly’ with ‘blues’ and consequently spends her days dressed in 50s crinolines, bobbysox and braids: no one in the family has the heart to point this out. Looks upon her family with the era appropriate ‘They’re all squares, freaks or longhairs, Daddio!’

Sid Blues - Sid hates his family, and everything they like, do, or represent. His musical interests run no further than a mix of rap and 70s punk rock which he reveres as religiously (and erroneously) as the rest do Charlie Patton. Dad has been close to kicking him out of the house on more than one occasion, only relenting on the assurances of wise old Grandpa that in 25 years time Sid will release one if not two ‘homage to my influences’ blues classics cover albums.

Tristram Blues - The youngest of the blues family, Tristram (who attends a private school unlike his older siblings, thanks to the recent success of his father’s planking company) is an all-round prodigy. Well spoken and brimming with confidence, he has already mastered light-speed tapping, pinch harmonics and quantum music theory. He is submitting designs for his own range of guitars based on the molecular shapes of amino acids to a private luthier. Privately considers the rest of his family as harmless Neanderthals.

Cousin Georgie Blues - Without a single musical bone in his body, cousin Georgie splits his time between his hobbies of grammatically poor cliches and awkward, stilted portrait photography. One of the few scions of the Blues family residing north of Watford, Cousin Georgie is as distanced socially as he is geographically. Due to a long-held petty grudge over who should take cousin Belle’s wedding photos back in 2015, refuses contact with any member of the family except through his solicitors (Dunham, Goode & Propper). Recently compelled to hand back his key to the Blues family house.

Cousin Gwladys Blues - Another ‘exile’ from the main family group, but at her own volition, cousin Gladwys (who left school at 14 without any qualifications and what’s more has a faulty keyboard, so there) was picked on by other family members over her terrible spelling, grammar, typing, editing, proof-reading, personal hygiene etc. so badly that she moved to a place where even the place names look misspelled, to breed dogs and review books and poetry.

Cousin Belle Blues - Not actually a cousin: mum and dad blues found her in a basket in the park and she seemed like a very nice girl so they took her in and reared her as their own. now grown up her frequent if fleeting stopovers at the blues household have to fit in with visits to the many other adoptive/foster homes who also took her in and reared her as their own. Loves the Blues family. But she also loves Mr and Mrs A. Mericana and the wealthy Lord and Lady Classic-Rock too.

‘Uncle’ Mike Turquoise - Not actually an uncle but a ‘family friend’, Cool ‘uncle’ Mike is a regular visitor chez Blues. Mum and Dad love him, hang on his every word and are always pleased to give a hearty welcome to whatever latest-probably-slightly-too-young-for-him-ladyfriend he brings along. Grandma and Grandpa are a little suspicious of his louche ways (occasionally muttering darkly ‘spiv’ when he leaves the room) and the youngsters largely regard him with disdain (except when he asks them to walk out with him, obvs).