#i love people who emit soft ally energy

[moonlightsapphic]

.........i’m totally normal about edvin ryding

[shozaii]

Can I get dating headcanons for Kaiji, Lovecraft, and Poe with an an outgoing and humorous female s/o? Like she’s the type to joke around and goof off constantly and seems to get along with most people?

(a/n):uwaaa hello anon!!🥰an interesting request! working on new characters always gives me a ton of excitement; but i also get really nervous at the same time😳but thank you for sending this in and i’m sorry this took so long!! 🥺❤

masterlist.

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an outgoing and humorous fem! s/o

pairings: kajii x reader, lovecraft x reader, poe x reader

warnings : none!

kajii.

✦ enthusiasm !! 25/8 !! i kid you not; he is definitely one who would lovE to be energetic and lively to his s/o. so please please crack your jokes with him.

✦ he would die laughing, sometimes it might result in rolling on the floor.

✦ since you’re pretty outgoing; i can also see that you would easily grow to his liking towards science! so cue the endless discussions of how science is truly an interesting phenomenon of some sorts - look, he would go on and on and would also make sure you understand every. single. word of it.

✦ he would voluntarily tell you to crack one of your best jokes, or when you’re at it, you would do it instead. it’s just this pride he has when he realizes how wonderful of a prankster you are. we all know his traits; basically a loud, bubbly and crazy scientists who also has an interest in lemons. so there! go ahead and have fun with the port mafia members; aka his friends/allies. 

✦ some of them might not get it(just maybe), but do not ever doubt that kajii is going to be completely blur with it. he just falls in love even MORE.

✦ your charisma and energy is sort of how he got attracted towards you with a burning passion. the smile, the triumph you gave off whenever you walked. how easily you get to mingle around with anyone. the way you asked him more of his weird experiments.

✦ mans just loves you a lot, okay? he would die for you, even. anyone dares to rip the smile off your face; please run. he already has thousands of lemon bombs waiting for the fated person.

lovecraft.

✦ i love how i can immediately see how utterly confused he would be when he first sees you. yes i know how there are definitely more expressions he could give out (besides sulking on how he wants a good rest) but hey, just look at you.

✦ oh oh and he might even see this bright glow emitting around you. how do i put this.... he might as well think that you are the sun itself, and he is the moon. how you’re glowing and how he is dim. it’s like active and passive energies combining into one.

✦ he gets even more confused when you actually strike up a conversation with him. not because you’re someone he has no idea about, but to think that you’re willing to hold it up for so long, especially with what he thinks of himself as boring and is just tired for like the whole day.

✦notices how you like to make fun of the other guild/port mafia members. 

✦ his heart does these weird jumps. of course he has always wished to joke around but you’re there for him so🥰

✦ you cannot tell me he just goes completely frozen ( being completely flustered) when you start complimenting his ability mid-battle or after a battle. if it’s mid-battle it would just give him this huge ego and strengthen it. if it’s after a battle he would look away, like, immediately. no thoughts. head so empty it’s been swept clean.

✦ he does not mind that you’re outgoing at all! he’s just so envious on how you’re able to gain so much energy. and i bet you, he accepts that so, so much. all he has and still has is confusion. regardless, he’s going to love you the way you are. you are the reason why he actually wants to have a stroll with you, to talk about the things he likes, why he gained his true happiness.

poe.

(goddamn i actually love him so much)

✦ fluster duster! (idk i just came up with that hehe🤣) we all know him as one to be really shy and all. well imagine if you enter his life.

✦ it’s literally going to be the darkest chocolate sprinkled with white chocolate flakes but make the flakes ten times more than he has ever imagined.

✦ he likes how you don’t exactly push him into wanting to see his works. it’s like a sign for him! take your time, i can wait for as long as i want to read it someday, that’s what he understood from your words. and well, sooner or later you say this phrase anyway - that’s sort of how i can see a beautiful relationship blossoming.

✦ he enjoys your company a lot; you’re there for him in case he’s in need of relieving stress from thinking of a way to work out perfect plots. you two have lots of fun with karl too! it’s like soft hours for him hehe🥰

✦ some of the jokes you make? he writes them down, waits until he finds a perfect page to write it in his latest work, and when he does he immediately jots it down and never regrets it after. your humor is perfection to him, he enjoys how they’re new every single day.

✦ oh oh roast anyone you know to him. he. loves. that. i’m thinking how he would purposefully write a roast for chuuya so that when he gets trapped in the book, he could hear it and then chuuya just starts attacking them all KSKSKSKS

✦ i can say his self-esteem and confidence builds more too! he would have more confidence in writing, in himself, and also his whole life in general. simple to say; you are capable of changing these guys’ lives. <33

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(a/n): aaaand here we go, anon!❤❤❤ i apologize if this took really long; i needed to make sure i got the right character traits and all for these three! i think it may be a little ooc, but i really do hope you enjoy them! sorry if it’s short too hhh🥺

[shingansoul]

Pleasantly Surprising Company

Pleasantly surprising would be the best way to describe how the others felt seeing this sudden display before them. Wild wasn’t the best with sudden contact or speaking with others, especially those with more energy or presence than him. It made sense, he spent most of his time alone surviving and fighting or merely listening and taking orders whenever he was around others. Not that he didn't have friends, but they were far spread and Wild tended to prefer his time alone more than not. Yet here he was, going far and beyond out of their way to speak with and introduce just such a type of person.

The group had found themselves once again in Wild’s Hyrule, always a sudden shift from the liveliness of most of the others’ worlds. Lots of open plains, untamed animals, and few and far spread villages within various biome extremes. Yet even still, where they were now felt even more unfamiliar than the vast open lands they often traveled.

The place they now found themselves now was a vast, seeming to never end mountain path. Around them however, were many puddles and small pools to be seen in the distance further down the way and some of the shrubbery seemed almost aquatic in appearance. There also seemed glowing blue markers to signify a path as they traveled down the beaten path. It was very damp, as if it had just rained but a moment ago despite the clear open skies.

Most the group had made their complaints of the constant dampness of the place, but Wild simply lead on. Being the only one familiar with the area and being their only guide, they resigned themselves to trudge on.

“This place seems kinda dreary dontcha think?”

It was Warriors who broke the almost silent march, a couple resoundings agreement was heard, but Wild merely shook his head with vigor.

“This place always makes me happy when I visit. The people here are some of the kindest. Trust me, this visit will be worth it once you meet him.”

Wild’s spoke with almost reverence and excitement. The others merely gave him puzzled looks aside from Twilight and Time who only smiled knowingly; they had their suspicions what Wild could be referring to, though they held their tongues of course.

“People?” Questioned Legend, looking around briefly at all the water around them as if to exaggerate a point.”What kinda people would wanna live here? There’s water everywhere, wood housing would rot and stone housing would sink over time as the foundation wouldn't be stable.”

The eldest of them spoke up,”The Zora are a water loving race, they’re amphibious. Wild, by any chance are we visiting the Zora Domain?”

The boy in question smiled, nodding once again.

Ahead of the group was a sudden break from the wet grassy path and instead the beginnings of a long stone and marble walkway leading into the outer areas and winding paths of a quite fanciful city. At the walkways mouth were two tall towers that up their spires emitted the blue light as the path markers before. Taking in the sight, many of the band of heroes gawked in awe at the sheer intricacy and size of the city. However it wasn't for too long as a sudden boisterous voice yelled down to them from atop one of the towers.

“Ho there Hylian travelers! Please wait before entering the ci-,” the voice cut itself off with a dramatic gasp followed by a hearty and deep chuckle.

The heroes backed away at the sudden large form jumping down to stand among. In a few seconds of blurred bright red colliding with familiar bright blue, those closest to Wild a moment ago found themselves next to empty air. Twilight was the first to look around in concern and on high alert, his head swiveled side to side before resting on the surprising sight of their new company and his cub.

Wild was so small compared to the large Zora, especially so when being hugged and held like a child would their favorite doll or toy. The Zoran man’s arms wrapped tightly around the hylian, his head nuzzling against the smaller neck as he spoke in a stream of excited words stopping every few moments for Wild to add in a short one or two word response.

“Ah Link! My greatest most wonderful friend! It has been so long since last we met!”

“ 3 months.”

“Precisely, 3 months! An eternity it has truly been! It is so good to see you little one!”

“You too.”

Another gasp of excitement. “You must simply tell me everything you’ve seen and heard in these past months! We can hold a feast in your honor! Or would you like a small personal lunch instead? You must be famished from your travels, are you famished?”

“Not terribly.”

“Hmm, peckish then. A small brunch would be best then.”

The Zoran seemed to speak aloud half to link and half to himself about possible plans, giving enough slack for Wild to turn himself around in his grip to have his chest against the amphibian’s arms and his own two arms folded atop the others triceps. He smiled warmly, oddly comfortable with the gentle yet forceful contact from the sudden companion. He looked to his fellow heroes, lazily waving a hand as he spoke, loud enough to be heard but soft enough not to disturb the still planning Zora.

“So...are you gonna introduce us to your friend there or what?” Four questioned, his tone somewhat annoyed though his smirk and chuckle before speaking showed otherwise his true feelings of the circumstance.

“This is-”

“Ah how terribly rude of me!” The zoran in question shifted his hold on Wild, quickly but carefully placing him on the ground again before taking a low sweeping bow, his large tail-esque fin swishing to and fro excitedly like a dogs tail.

“I am Prince Sidon, Prince of the Zoran people and this before you is the Zoran domain. Welcome! Will you all also be visiting and staying while our dearest Link is?” The Zoran seemed to smile, his golden eyes almost willing the others to say yes.

Wild looked at the others with a similar though far toned down expression. The others quickly looked amongst themselves before turning their own gazes to Time. The eldest glanced at everyone before sighing in faux exasperation and nodding.

“It’d be rude to turn down such hospitality. Plus, im sure we’d love to get acquainted with your friend here, Link.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As mentioned earlier, Sidon had gone ahead with the more private brunch idea, the dishes all being light fruit and fish served to the group in the Prince’s personal studies after a few extra chairs had been retrieved from empty guest rooms in the palace living quarters. As they all ate, the Zoran prince seemed to speak in an almost endless stream of questions and compliments towards Wild, changing to address one of the others on occasion to make sure all was well with their food. The sight of Wild so comfortable and friendly with another warmed Twilight’s heart, he felt a bit relieved in earnest.

He knew Wild’s journey in his mission had been a lonely one, so knowing he did actually have friends was a pleasant surprise for sure. Though Sidon was certainly not the kind of friend Twilight had expected. Sidon was loud but not obnoxious, he was boisterous and flagrant with his words, a strange mix of formal and polite yet excitable and hyperactive like a child. He seemed to care for Wild quite a bit, though the circumstances between their relationship were unknown. Wild was a wild boy and hero, Sidon was the heir to a kingdom and a prince, Wild was quiet and spoke with his actions before his words unless he felt it necessary, Sidon seemed to have words to share in the thousands, yet they seemed to pair off quite well and fit into each other's company seamlessly.

“Ah I've failed once again in my manners to you all, forgive me.” Sidon suddenly addressed all the other Links now. “I have yet to ask you all hardly anything, how terribly rude of me. How berated I would be if she saw..Now if i may ask, friends of Link, how exactly do you all know one another? Our dear Link has yet to bring other Hylian’s aside from Princess Zelda herself to our domain.”

The room grew awkwardly silent, the group thinking over how exactly to respond. How much should they tell? Should they even say anything, what lie would they give instead? However, all their struggled thoughts and side glances were for nothing as Wild spoke.

“They’re versions of me from the past, sorta. Something weird going on recently connected our times and versions of hyrule and now we’re travelling together…” He looked to Time as if to ask for confirmation that he spoke correctly. He eldest nodded slowly, adding on, “That’s an...oversimplified version of the situation i suppose, yes…”.

The group was torn between staring in shock and exasperation towards Wild and curious and concerned glances to Sidon, trying to gauge his reaction.

The prince hummed softly to himself, taking the information in. Seemingly far too quickly given the weight of what was just said so simply. He then smiled, sweeping his gaze over the group before him.

“Well, any Link is welcome here with my blessing then. I wish you all the luck on your travels and quest, whatever exactly it may be this time. Remember,” he turned his attention back to Wild,” If things weigh on you too heavily, or should you ever feel you’re unable, it is no weakness to ask for help. You’ve me and all my people can offer, and now you’ve other allies too! So do great, but don’t let the world make you feel like you’ve no choice in your path. You may be a hero, but you’re also my dearest greatest and most important friend i’ve ever had.”

Wild smiled, leaning into Sidons side and nodding. He made sure he had the Prince’s attention before ghosting his fingers against his chin and moving his hand forward and out from there.

‘Thank you.’

Sidon grinned, his sharp rows of teeth somehow showing more warmth than ferocity as he nodded. The Zoran raised his own hands, first pointing at himself, then crossing his arms wrist over wrist and finally pointing back at Wild. Then he made a motion laying one one thumb and wrist on the other, two fingers extended only on each hand and he pumped his arms moving his hands in a half circle away from him and then back.

‘I love you. Take care.’

‘Yes,” thought Twilight to himself watching the sign language “spoken” between the two, ‘pleasantly surprising indeed.’

Okay so first of all, i adore the @linkeduniverse AU so much, its brought me so much joy the past few days since  i stumbled upon it. The art, the story so far, the characterization, it’s all so wonderful and brought me a lot of comfort and joy recently. So i just HAD to give some kind of fan work for it to show appreciation. I can’t wait to see where it goes, thank you so much @jojo56830 for sharing your ideas and talents with the world. 

[pcyheartgirlx]

In The Bleak Midwinter [CH25] ;; Penultimate

Genre ;; Angst/Smut/Fluff/Romance

Pairing ;; Chanyeol x Reader x Seokjin

Word Count ;; 7.8k

Summary ;; We’re all whores, we just sell different parts of ourselves.

You own a multi-billion dollar company, servicing the biggest names in kpop, in more ways than one. Under the name “Starlight Catering”, you, your best friends, Damon and Maya, and your hundreds of workers provide stress relief for idols.

You have partially retired, not because you didn’t want to, but because Chanyeol was your muse. He was all that you had time for and all you needed. Until Jin came along.

So what happens when you mix fire and ice?

You get smoke and all the lines are blurred.

[PLAYLIST] [BACKSTORY] [PROLOGUE] [CH1] [CH2] [CH3] [CH4] [CH5] [CH6] [CH7] [CH8] [CH9] [CH10] [CH11] [CH12] [CH13] [CH14] [CH15] [CH16] [CH17] [CH18] [CH19] [CH20] [CH21] [CH22] [CH23] [CH24] [CH25]

A/N ;; Holy shit. I can’t believe this is it. The penultimate. I’m just...ahh! Let me stop before I ramble. Enjoy this one guys :)

It’s over.

There’s power in numbers. Maybe if we round up all the workers and take them to a shooting range--

You do realize how many workers you have, right?

Fine. We can all go to the cabin and do target practice there.

And how are you going to bring them all there without getting caught?

We’ll find a way, I know we will.

But do they really deserve that? You promised them a life free from violence and personal obligation.

There has to be another way.

Thomas is waiting....

“Well?”

It’s over, (Y/N).

“Fine,” you said this with the utmost certainty, despite being unsure of what will exactly happen to you. You could die...but if you were on the Shelby’s team….

“Good. I’ll be seeing you in a few, I suppose,” You just nodded at his statement and watched him walk away smuggly. In that minute that you were alone in the hallway, you wanted to scream. Punch the wall and shoot the whole place up. Doing that would just cause a scene though, even if that was the release you needed. Instead, you just collected your thought, took a deep breath and walked into the room where everyone was either socializing or waiting for the next move. Your next move.

“Damon, Maya,” you called for them to follow you. With anticipation, they walked with you to a distant corner of the warehouse. You felt Jin and Chanyeol’s eyes following you all the way there.

“What’s going on? Where did they go?” Damon asked shakily.

“What were their conditions?” Maya asked flatly. She knew better than anyone that The Shelby’s didn't do anything out of the goodness of their heart. You bit your lip and intertwined your fingers, sighing before you told them your plan.

“Listen...Starlight Catering is over--”

“What?” Damon snapped.

“These fuckers…” Maya spat.

“It’s fine guys. I’ll figure it out when I come back.”

“When you come back?” Damon furrowed his brows, contorting his face.

“Where are you going?” Maya put her hands on her hips and mirrored the same expression Damon had.

“I have to go to China. That’s where Dominic is. And I’m taking him out,” You could tell they were about to protest all of this but you shook your head, trying to get everything you needed out before you had to leave. “I have to go, guys. It’s part of the deal.”

“But (Y/N)...” Damon started. You just shook your head again.

“You guys I know that this seems crazy--”

“It’s bloody insane! Honestly, (Y/N) what are you thinking?” Maya started to raise her voice and you put a finger to your mouth signalling to keep her voice down.

“If I die...here, with no one to protect me or you guys. Dominic will take out Jin and Chanyeol, then my workers and then you guys. I can’t let that happen,” They both looked as if they were finally starting to understand the severity in this situation. You continued, without another word or protest from them. “If I go to China with them and...and I fail--”

“If you die, go on,” Damon interrupted, causing you and Maya to give him a disapproving look.

“If I go and I die there, The Shelby’s will continue to take care of you all until they find Dominic. They’re not saints but they are men of their word. You guys need to make sure that every single one of our workers are in school, working, fuck I don’t care just make sure they’re in a position where they can have a future…” You started to feel tears welling up in your eyes. You thought about their well being, how much better off they were with you. Granted, Starlight wasn’t perfect. But it saved a lot of lives...including yours.

“(Y/N)...we’ll go broke…” Maya admitted softly. You just nodded at her and put a hand on her shoulder.

“Then...then so be it. I’ll figure out a way to wire you both money so you can be substantial. I’ll turn the deed of the apartment over to Damon in my will. I’ll make sure everything is taken care of for you and Alfie will be with me so we can make the necessary arrangements--”

You weren't able to finish your sentence before Maya and Damon brought you in for a tight embrace. It wasn’t visible at the time, but you could feel both their bodies tense and the tears fall from their face. You didn’t know if this was the last time you’ll see them, but you held on to them just as tight never wanting to let go.

“You guys...are the best friends anyone could ever ask for,” you croaked out as you pulled away. Damon tisked and hit your arm playfully.

“Fuck you bitch, we’re not your friends,” he sniffled, laughing a little bit at your fake pained and confused expression.

“We’re your goddamn family,” Maya added, smiling through her own tears. You nodded and looked down for a second, not wanting to see them cry.

“I have to go now...Damon...I’m going to need your--”

“Keys?” he pulled them out and rolled his eyes playfully. “Bitch, in your next life you better have your own car.”

“Are you going to say bye to Jin and Chanyeol?” Maya’s question was a valid one...but saying goodbye to them have proved impossible countless times. You just shook your head and she sighed. “Well...you better sneak out of here before they catch you…” You imitated her sigh and nodded.

“I love you guys…”

“We love you too,” Maya smiled.

“Now get the fuck out of here and kill that bastard…”

“And come back in one piece. Please.”

You turned on your heels and started to walk away, trying to make a run for it to the door. You knew that if they spotted you leaving, one of them, either it being Jin or Chanyeol, would stop you. But you should have known that it wasn’t going to work. The minute you passed the two groups, Jin made a run for it.

“Where do you think you’re going?!” he called after you, running behind you as you got to the hallway.

“Jin, I’m sorry! I have to go!” you called out, not looking back. Maybe you should of, because the minute you got to the door, you felt his arms wrap around your waist and your body was lifted off the ground. “Let me go!”

“Jin! Grab her!” Chanyeol’s voice echoed. Now the both of them caught up to you and as Jin put you down, you turned right back around to bolt out the door...only to see Chanyeol blocking your exit.

“You were really just going to up and leave, huh?” Chanyeol’s voice was dark and masked with repressed anger. You ran a hand through your hair and remained silent. “The fuck I look like to you huh!? I’m not Jiyong!”

“Chanyeol, lower your voice,” Jin barked. Chanyeol just put his hand up in protest.

“Don’t tell me what to do!”

“You guys don’t understand! I have to leave, NOW!” you bellowed. Jin grabbed you by the shoulders and turned you around so you could face him.

“Jagi, I understand that but...you can’t just leave like that. Not after all this happened. We just want to make sure you’re alright. Chanyeol may be hot headed about it but he wants to know too…” Jin was soft and gentle, his face emitted an angelic energy that just wanted to give you as much grace and goodness possible. But you weren’t in any position to receive that.

“(Y/N)...princess...Jin’s right. What happened? We aren’t going to be able to speak to you for a while and we at least deserve a proper explanation,” Chanyeol explained. His voice was starting to come down a few octaves and you just sighed.

“If you move away from the door, I’ll tell you,” They both looked at each other, as if they were trying to consult whether they believed you or not. In the end, Chanyeol moved and stood next to Jin, both men looking at you, right into your soul.

“What do you want to know?”

“Who was that guy?” Jin started, scrunching his nose up as he talked to put disgust and emphasis in his words.

“He was a fucking tool,” Chanyeol added. You nodded because that was indeed an undeniable fact.

“That was Thomas Shelby. Head of the Peaky Blinders that are run by the Shelby’s. They are a notorious and powerful gang that run out of Birmingham and were going to become allies with La Casa Nostra,” you explained.

“La Casa Nostra...that’s your father’s--”

“Yes,” you interrupted Jin. He just nodded and looked over at Chanyeol.

“So are they enemies now or…?” Chanyeol’s question trailed off. You shook your head.

“Yes. My father wants to tear them down because…” You didn’t want to finish that sentence. You knew that only anger would permeate of them two if you told them, but as they looked more intently into your silence, you feared their own assumptions were worse than the real story. “Because he left me at the alter when I was 18…”

“What?!” they said in unison. You put your hand up, trying to explain yourself more.

“It was an arranged marriage. I was going to meet him that day...at the alter. My marriage with him was supposed to give him comfort since he was grieving over the death of wife...and it was supposed to bring our families together.”

“Okay so why didn’t that happen?” Chanyeol pressed. You took in a deep breath before you answered.

“Because...my father put a hit out on his wife...as a form of vengeance for something they did to one of our people a long time ago...Thomas was to marry me and then after I gained his trust and he fell in love with me...I was supposed to kill him and our family would have been left to take reign of his whole operation. Through me of course but...that was...in the past….My father never forgave him or me for that. As if it was my fault,” you scoffed at the memory but pushed it aside just to look them both in the eye. Shocked wasn’t the word. Stunned did their expressions no justice. You exhaled heavily and tried to push through the rest of your ment.

“I understand...if you guys don’t want to speak with me anymore--”

“Stop, I would never want to stop talking to you,” Jin added, his voice full of tenderness. He wasn’t making this any easier.

“I know this isn’t ideal--”

“You can say that again,” Chanyeol added, gaining a look from Jin.

“But I hope you guys understand and can see why…”

“Go on,” Chanyeol leaned forward as if clinging on to your every word while Jin started to scratch the back of his head.

“Why...why I can’t choose either of you…”

“What?” Jin’s voice was shrill, almost screaming as you said this.

“Baby...no...please,” Chanyeol pleaded. You just bit your lip and watched them turn into blurry figures standing before you as the tears started to pool in your eyes.

“I’m sorry…” you choked, pushing past the door behind you and walking through it. You were a fool if you thought they wouldn’t follow you.

“Wait where are you going?” Jin called out as you started walking to Damon’s car.

“I just...have to go away for a while...but I probably won’t be back.”

“Please, jagi...let’s talk this out. I don’t care that you didn’t choose us, I just want to make sure you’re going to be alright.”

“I love you both so much,” You said this just before you got into the car and started the engine. By this time, the rest of the guys started to come outside. This is exactly what you were trying to avoid.

“I’m not going to stop fighting for you,” Chanyeol said as he stood outside the driver’s window. You just ignored him and put the car in gear, adjusting the rear view mirror while they both looked at you.

“Baby, please listen to us--”

“Are you paying attention?” You snapped at Jin who almost took a step back. “You guys see this life?! You can’t be part of it. This is not meant for you! Either of you!” You didn’t realize but by the end of your rant, you were screaming at the top of your lungs and all 15 men including your two best friends were now outside, staring at you.

“You don’t get to make that decision for us!” Chanyeol screamed back, slamming his fists on the hood of the car. You looked over at all of them, who just look absolutely heartbroken and confused. Then at your two best friends. They were the only ones that gave you a pure look of understanding and as the tears started to fall, Maya just mouthed to you one word. One word that initiated you to make the hardest decision of your life.

“Go.”

You looked over at Jin sympathetically, then back at Chanyeol before putting the car in reverse.

“I just did.”

With that, you pulled out of the parking space with great speed, and drove away.

“Did...did she just dump us both?” Jin asked almost as if everything that had just transpired didn’t even happen.

“Yep,” Chanyeol said simply, watching Damon’s car disappear in the distance. Jin locked his jaw a bit and looked over at the taller man.

“I’m not going to quit,” Jin stated firmly, looking Chanyeol up and down. Chanyeol raised his eyebrows as he continued to look off into the direction you had driven off into.

“Me either,” he responded, causing Jin to look in that same direction.

“Good luck,” was all Jin could muster at this point. He felt defeated and for some reason, slightly betrayed and he couldn’t figure out why. Chanyeol scoffed and turned on his heel.

“I don’t need it,” he spat at Jin before starting to walk away and back to his group. Jin felt something boiling in him. It started at the pit of his stomach and started to pulsate through out his body, as if poisoning his blood.

If he just left her alone, If he just accepted she found love somewhere else, If he had just gone away…

“Chanyeol!” Jin called after him, Chanyeol walked a bit and didn’t even look back. “HEY!” Jin shouted. Chanyeol stopped in his tracks and looked back at the man, but the minute he did, he fell backwards at the sudden impact he felt on his face.

Jin didn’t regret it. He didn’t really give a shit. After he punched him, he walked back into the van that the 7 men had came in and waited for his group.

Everyone who stood there at the front of the warehouse ran toward Chanyeol, who was picking himself up from the floor and spitting blood onto the ground.

“Are you alright!?” Namjoon cried out.

“That was completely uncalled for! Open your mouth!” Baekhyun cried as he helped Chanyeol to his feet. “Let’s make sure all your teeth are still intact.”

“Crowding around him isn’t going to help,” Kyungsoo added, fishing in his pocket for a napkin.

“We are so sorry, Chanyeol. Jin hyung doesn't know how to control his anger sometimes,” Jimin apologized frantically with Hobi at his side.

“Look we’ll talk to him for you and--”

“No...it’s fine guys. Really,” Chanyeol took the napkin from Jongin that Kyungsoo handed him. He wiped the rest of the blood from his chin and moved his jaw around.

“We’re even now…” The tall man admitted as he started for the van EXO came in, not wanting to look back at the pity in all of their eyes.

X-x-x

“Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!” you screeched as Johnny Dogs pressed an alcohol soaked cloth to your arm. It was just a surface wound, the bullet barely grazed you, but you were bleeding all over the place in the basement of a run down house on the outskirts of Hong Kong.

“Would you bloody concentrate for one moment?!” Alfie barked through the iPad screen. You looked at him, sitting there in your old office with papers scattered on your desk while he held another one in front of him.

“I’m sorry but I’m kind of dealing with an open wound, you fucking animal!” you bit back. Alfie rolled his eyes and shook his head condescendingly.

“And I’m dealing with lung cancer but you don’t see me whining about it!” As soon as he scolded you, Alfie started hacking and coughing. You took in a deep breath and looked away when you saw Johnny Dogs sterilizing a needle.

“How are you feeling anyway?” you asked sympathetically, trying not to scream as the first stitch was sown.

“Ah fucking ‘ell. You’re worse than the business people that showed up at your funeral. You never ask if I’m alright, why the fuck you asking now?” Alfie had a point. You just rolled your eyes before contorting your face in pain as Johnny stitched you up. “That’s the funny thing about death. People gather ‘round to celebrate a life that they otherwise didn’t give two shits about when they were alive.”

“Alright enough, go on,” You managed to croak at the older man who was now fixing his glasses and reading off the contents of your will. When he was done, he looked up at you through his lenses and you just nodded.

“Great well, I’m going to go read this off to your uh...beneficiaries and then everything will be complete,” You nodded at Alfie and sighed before looked at your now stitched and bandaged wound.

“Isn’t death supposed to be peaceful? Isn’t this supposed to be time for me to rest and all that bullshit?” You slumped in your seat and looked at the dingy and dusty contents of the basement before looking at Alfie again. “I guess this is what hell looks like, huh?”

“You still think you’re going to hell after all the men and woman you saved through Starlight? Jesus has no heart if you do,” Alfie scoffed. You shrugged and watched Johnny walk over to the sink and wash his hands.

“What are the news saying?”

“Dominic’s face is everywhere. Every channel. Law enforcements are on the hunt so there’s no way in hell he’ll be able to set foot in Korea. He’s stuck in China,” he said smuggly as he leaned back a bit. You just smiled and interlaced your fingers.

“We almost got him too. He’s planning on leaving China...he’ll probably be in the airport in 4 or so hours. We’ll get him there,” Alfie nodded and raised his eyebrows.

“Well done, (Y/N). Well done. Maybe with your new identity you can become a hitman for the Shelby’s?” You laughed at this and got closer to the iPad.

“Hitwoman. And I wouldn’t even dream of it. Not even in my worst nightmares.”

“An ex prostitite as our hitwoman? What class of people do you take us for?” You jumped at the sound of Thomas’ voice. When you turned to him, he stood there with his brothers and the rest of the Lee Dogs’ clan.

“You’d be more like a secretary,” John chuckled. You rolled your eyes.

“Please I’ve done more for you than Lizzie ever has...well...except fuck Tommy,” you sniggered.

“And that’s my cue to leave!” Alfie said hurridly, you looked back at the screen and smiled.

“Take care, Alfie. I’ll hear from you soon.”

“Hopefully,” he added sarcastically before the video call ended. You turned back to face the Shelby’s and smiled sweetly.

“How was my funeral? I heard there was a big turn out,” you commented as you sat back and watch all the men settle in.

“It was a bloody nightmare,” Arthur groaned as he plopped on a chair and fished for his flask inside his pocket. “Fake industry people crying and shit. Like they really care about the death of an old gangster.”

“I was an important gangster, with lots of business and even more money. Those people are drawn to wealth,” you commented as you took the flask from his hand and took a swig. Arthur made a noise of protest and as you handed it back to him, John snatched the flask as well and took his own swig causing Arthur to cuss at both of you.

“The news made it back to your father, I can imagine,” Thomas added as he pulled up a chair and sat in front of you.

“Where you spotted?” you asked, crossing your legs and focusing on Thomas, ignoring the Lees’ around you that were chatting and boasting about how many Korean woman were at the funeral, name dropping idols such as Irene and Taeyong that looked “good enough to fuck from the front”.

“Oh yes. All of Dominic’s men were there. As far as they’re concerned, the Peaky Blinders murdered (Y/N),” Thomas smirked a bit, the slightest little smirk, before he reached in his pocket for a cigarette offering you one. You decided, fuck it, and took one from his hand.

“Did you tell Maya and Damon I was okay?” You leaned in as Thomas flicked his zippo on, lighting your cigarette like the “gentleman” he was before lighting him own. It was those small quirks about him that made you think he wasn't as cold and heartless as he seemed.

“Yes but they were informed after the funeral,” When Thomas spoke, a puff of cigarette smoke decorated every word. You shook your head and tisked at him.

“How did Maya take that?”

Arthur and John laughed before Thomas sighed and took his peaky hat off, revealing a scabbed over gash on his forhead. You smiled and shook your head.

“That’s my girl,” chuckling as you took another drag of your cigarette.

“Wait a minute,” Thomas got up and lifted the sleeve on your shirt, his face furrowed and he looked at Johnny Dogs in anger. “You were supposed to cover her.” Johnny Dog’s started to sputter and tremble in his seat while you got up between them.

“Relax Thomas, I wasn’t spotted and if I had just stayed behind, Johnny Dogs would be dead. It’s literally a flesh wound and--”

“You think I give a fuck? You were given specific orders,” Thomas barked at you, his demenour changing before your very eyes.

“Oh fuck off, Tommy. We were able to take out 8 of his men and injure Brutto. With the biggest guy on his team walking around with a limp, we can get to him before he gets on that plane. Johnny Dogs and the Jopok did good. Even without your stupid fucking orders.”

No one in the room could believe you had just spoken to Thomas like that. But after 3 weeks of moving around China, hiding in basements and shitty motel rooms, you were done. You had to arrange plans for you own death. A decision that most people would hesitate to agree to, you did it in the drop of hat for Thomas. If your brother and father had the idea that the Shelby’s got to you first and now the Peaky Blinders were after them, they would panic. Their strategies would be a mess and fear would overtake them. Dominic, with a smaller and weakened team, would flee back to NYC with his tail between his legs and paranoia riding on his back. This was the perfect time to attack. Killing him at the airport was no coincedence. He would go out the same way Ronnie did. You were going to avenge his death even if it was the last thing you did.

“Good job,” Thomas said simply as he looked down at you. Everyone was shocked at his simplicity. Even yourself. But you couldn’t let that show so you just looked over to Johnny Dogs and nodded. “We attack tomorrow. Bright and early.”

“Actually,” you started. “There’s been a change of plans.”

“What do you mean ‘a change of plans’?” Arthur growled deeply. You just walked over to the iPad and pulled up some pictures of documents Dominic left at his hide out.

“We found out Dominic is fleeing China and going back to New York,” Johnny Dogs started as he walked over to you and Thomas, tugging his belt up confidently.

“His private jet is taking off in an hour. We had a few people for the Jopok take his pilot out, his crew, everyone is under our order. You, your brothers and the Lee clan are to board that plane--”

“And what’s going to happen when the Peaky Blinders walk out of that plane instead of your brother? We’ll be shot on the spot, Einstein,” John interrupted. You smirked at him and his doubts before you continued.

“Well, the jet set to land at Republic in Long Island but I’ve routed it to Teterboro instead. That gives you a 2 hour headstart to head for Spring Lake before the plane is supposed to land in Republic. 2 hours before my father finds out that Dominic never landed. I contacted your sister, Ada, in New York. Men will be waiting for you with guns, rounds of ammunition and man power,” You pulled up a picture on Google Maps Satellite view, displaying a rather luxurios looking beach house. “This is my father’s beach house, it’s certainly where he will be staying. I’ve got men pulling up every once and a while to make sure he’s there. He’s been there since yesterday. With his most trusted allies. A full house. And--” You pulled out a notebook that was sitting in your bag under your chair, ripped out a piece of paper and handed it to Thomas. “Passwords, informants, secret hide outs. There's names of enemies and friends that are masked enemies. The inner circle. FBI profiles, crooked cops. Back up plans, the back up to the back up plan. Everything is there. Soon enough, you’ll be the Kings of New York.”

Thomas studied the paper at hand then back at the smug look on your face. You had everything figured out. Thomas nodded and frowned approvingly before Arthur spoke up.

“And where are we taking out poor old Dominic?” Arthur spoke flatly. Still, you smiled at him before you put your cigarette out and stepped on it.

“In his plane...when you get over the Atlantic, dump is body out the plane. He’ll never be found. No one will ever know what happened to him. And then...dump my father’s body in the fucking Hudson.”

The room was silent and heavy. Waiting for Thomas’ response. Even though he was stoic and unmoving, you could tell he was impressed by your work. The one mistake your father ever did, is dangling his business in front of you, taunting you with what you could have but never will. Now, it was over for him. He always said in life, there are winners and losers.

In this life, you were the winner.

“Well, what are you all waiting for?” Thomas finally spoke, looking around at all the men in the room. “The plane leaves in an hour. Let’s go.”

X-x-x

As you sat in the private jet with Thomas, looking out the window into the sunset, you couldn’t stop wiping your hands on your skirt. The pain from the stiches on your arm subsided and all you could focus on was calming your nerves and stopping your hands from shaking. Arthur, being equally anxious, was pacing back and form while Thomas polished his gun.

“Hey,” You looked over at John who was sitting infront of you, studying your nervousness. Cocking your head at him, he just smilled and leaned foward. “You nervous?”

“No, John. I’m so fucking zen right now. On a scale of Mother Theresa to Ghandi, I’m fucking Buddha,” you looked at him like he was the biggest idiot you’ve ever seen. “Of course I’m fucking nervous. I could die.”

“Pft, we all could. But we won’t. We’re the fucking Shelbys’. We always--”

“Win?” you cut him off and rolled your eyes.

“No,” Thomas said as he walked up to you both, handing you a knife and a pistol. “We always get what we want.” You took the weapons from his hand and stuffed the pistol in the hostler around your waist.

“Just like we agreed?” you asked as you stood up. Thomas nodded and pointed at the blue tarp on the floor.

“As many stabs as you want.”

“Ain’t none of us going to promise we won’t peak at you in the shower though. Especially Tommy boy over here,” Arthur chuckled as he pointed to the bathroom door at the end of the plane. You looked over at Thomas, who was completely mortified.

“I could have sworn I heard him moaning your name last night in the room,” John instigated, cackling loudly with Arthur. Thomas shot them both a wide eyed manic look and they quickly stopped their nonsense. You cocked an eyebrow at Thomas who just shook his head and turned away.

“Look,” he said flatly as he pointed to one of the round windows next to a seat. You peered out of it, watching the two big and bloodied man drag another man with a bag over his head. The man was struggling and screaming profanities that were drowned out by the sounds of planes taking off all around them. The scene was risky in itself but nobody was going to ask questions if Jopok were there. But you focused back at the struggling man, thrashing and trying to pull free from their grasp. Him. It could only be one person.

It was Dominic.

The three of you got into position in front of the blue tarp, the Lee clan littered in a circle all around but leaving a clear space for the two hitmen to dump a bound Dominic on the tarp, ready for the assassination with heavily artillery in hand. As planned, you stood behind the Shelby’s only to be revealed at the perfect time.

The airplane door closed and the only noise you could hear is Dominic screaming and struggling as the two men clinked hand cuffs and chains around his arms and legs. When you heard his knees plop to the floor, the bag was taken off his head and a low guttural growl escaped his lips.

“Fucking Peakys” Dominic snarled. You could hear him trying to lift himself up, only to be pushed down to the floor again.

“Nice to meet you, Dominic. I would shake your hand but--”

Dominic spit, not sure if it was at Thomas or in his direction, before muttering “Fuck you.” Thomas chuckled at him, tapping his foot as he looked down at the man.

“You killed my sister,” Dominic’s voice sounded as if he was actually hurt, playing the facade of a grieving brother. “My baby sister. My father will murder you and your whole fucking kin for murdering his children.”

“That’s a nice role you’re playing, Dominic. The grieving older brother,” Thomas chuckled. “As far as everyone else is concerned, you killed her. And here you are, acting as if that wasn’t your truest intention. The sole reason you came to Asia.”

“I was trying to bring her back! To negotiate with her to come back. This is no place for mafiosa royalty--”

“This fucking clown,” Arthur laughed as he looked at Thomas.

“What did you say to me, you fucking yam-yam?”

“Watch your fucking mouth,” John said as he pulled his pistol out and pointed it at Dominic. Thomas just put his hand up and motioned for John to stand down.

“As much as I would love to put a bullet in this guineas head...this isn’t our hit,” Thomas smirked at Dominic who contorted his face at him.

“You fucking pussies, you can’t kill me yourselves?” Dominic laughed at their faces. He was really asking for it and The Shelby’s exhibited the most self control you had ever seen. The three of them looked at each other and then turned around back at you before moving aside, leaving you there to face your brother. Dominic’s face dropped and the color in his skin drained as you walked closer to him, knife in hand and a loaded gun in your holster.

“S-sorella? You’re alive?” he quivered. All the years he tormented you, bullied you, pushed you to your breaking point. It came down to this moment. Watching him squirm and quiver on the floor like a dying insect at your feet. That’s what he was anyway. He was vermin.

“Dominic...il mio fratello,” you said softly as you stopped infront of him, looking down at this pathetic man. “Chi non muore si rivede.” Dominic hung his head low and started to sob, repeating Hail Mary’s as you got to your knees to face him.

“You scared, big brother?” you mocked as you brought the knife up to his chin and pushed his head up as he looked you in the eyes. “Terrified, maybe?”

“You’re not going to get away with this, schifosa puttana,” he spat at you through tears. You laughed at looked at Thomas who was smiling down at you.

“I think he’s doubting me Thomas,” you giggled and looked back at Dominic.

“Not a very smart idea, Dominic. Considering she’s not only out for her freedom,” Thomas commented.

“I’m also out for venganzia...for Ronnie!” you screamed in his face as you stuck the knife deep into his side. He cried out in agony as you pulled out.

“For all the people in my life you scared away,” Another stab. “For threatening Damon!” The blood felt warm on your hand. “For spying on me!” His body started to shake and the blood was spilling all over the tarp. “For switching the gifts!” Stab. “At…” Stab. “The…” Stab. “Gayo!” Stab. “For putting the people I love...” Stab. “...in danger!” you twisted the knife in him, letting the warmth of his blood wash over you as it gushed out when you pulled out. He cried out once more before he fell to his side, stab wounds littered his body. On his arms, thighs, side, places that induce immeasurable pain but not enough to kill him. You picked his body back up so that he was kneeling up right again. Sliding the blade across his cheek, he winced as it left a deep gash.

“You...set me up,” he managed to rasp. You laughed in his face, grabbing him by the collar and bring him only inches away from you.

“You’re damn fucking right I did,” You sneered as you stabbed him again, a few more times as you watched the agony wash over his miserable ugly face. When you were done, you threw his body on the floor and watch him writhe in his own blood, crying and praying for mercy.

“God’s not going to save you now...not after all the blood on your hands, Dominic,” your brother managed to laugh at this, blood spilling from the sides of his mouth and all the slits you made as he looked up at you.

“E tu, sorella? Look at what you did, to your own flesh and blood. Unforgivable,” he started to choke on his own blood and you cocked your head at him.

“E tu, fratello? You were out for me. To get me,” you kicked him as he laid there a pathetic mess. “What makes it any different?”

“You betrayed us! Left us!” Dominic used all the energy he had left to yell at you. But you just scoffed and toyed with the bloodied knife in your hand. “You had your role and you didn’t fucking play it. All for what? For those two chinks?” He started to cough up blood again, the blood was pouring out of him like holes in a dam. “All of this shit will catch up to you, (Y/N). There’s no place in heaven for rats like you.”

You couldn’t hear another word. Even though your brother was laying there, a pitiful fucking mess, you still felt like you were a teenager. His words for some fucking reason were getting to you. Even on the brink of death, he had this fucking control over you. You put your hand on your gun and took it out of the holster. The gun was shaking in your grasp, just like when you had accidentally shot at Jin...at Chanyeol...fuck. You needed to end this, they...they are counting on you. It was time to shut him up and cut ties with the poison that was your family. This was it.

This was…

You aimed it right at him, the barrel of the gun aligning it with his forehead in range as he looked up at you with the purest hatred.

Your…

“I’m okay with that. I found my heaven. And he’s in Korea…”

Freedom.

“Goodbye Dominic.”

The sound of your gun going off was deafening. It echoed through out the whole aircraft and when you saw Dominic’s limp body fall back against the bloodied tarp, more emotions hit you. All at once. You stood there unable to move, everyone stared at you but didn’t dare say anything. The tesion was thick and Thomas Shelby, being the man that he is, put a hand on your shoulder and took the gun from your hand.

“It’s over, (Y/N). It’s over…”

His voice chanted that over and over again mentally but he didn’t say a word. You were looking around but couldn’t see anything. Opening your mouth to talk but nothing was coming out. It was over...finally.

Fuck.

You ran to the bathroom and threw yourself over the toilet, letting everything come out while you threw up. All the stress, all the anxiety and paranoia. It was all detoxing from your body. You shook and pinched yourself as you spewed the contents of your stomach. Is this...real? Am I dreaming? Is he really dead? You tried to get up after you were done, walking back out to confirm that his body was there, only to be greeted by the Shelbys.

“Here,” Thomas handed you a towel. “Clean yourself up.”

“We have to depart in 30 minutes,” John stated. You were only able to nod robotically.

“I know…” you said softly. “But...I just...want to see his body.”

“No,” Arthur said. You looked at him, confused and letting the anger creep up.

“What do you mean n--”

“You need to shower, get yourself cleaned up. You have blood all over you. We took the liberty in getting you some clothes from the fashion district so you had something nice to wear when you go check up on your rich Chinese friend.”

“Huh?” You were geniunely confused at Thomas’ words. He exhaled sharply and rolled his eyes.

“Yi..something or rather. Who ever it is you were dying to protect here. Go, shower. I rented out a whole resturant for you two to enjoy and catch up,” Thomas put a hand on your shoulder and nodded. “You need it after all this.” Looking around and seeing the men roll up Dominic’s body in the tarp, you knew he was right. It was time. Time for you to go out and enjoy dinner with an old friend. Laugh and talking freely, without worrying about who’s coming up behind you. Thomas...he made up for leaving you at the alter...and he did it tenfold.

“I-I…”

“You’re going...to shower...you bloody bitch,” Arthur laughed widly as he took a swig of his flask, turning around  and raising it. John put a glass of whiskey in your hand as well as Thomas’ before he elbowed you playfully.

“Here!” Arthur bellowed as he stood up on a chair. “Here is to the Peaky Fucking Blinders! And to (Y/N)! The deadliest cunt in Asia!” The men cheered and bellowed as everyone took their drinks and chugged it down. You did the same, smiling as wide as you possibly could.

“Off you go now,” John said as he pushed you back in the bathroom.

“Unless you want to go back to NYC,” Thomas commented. You shook your head violently and grabbed the bag of clothes he handed you.

“Like I said...I found my heaven here…”

X-x-x

“Miss? Your table is ready. Mr. Zhang informed us he’ll be here within 10 minutes,” the hostess said to you sweetly. You nodded as the usher motioned for you to follow him. As you walked through the vacant resturant, it brought you back to the day you and Chanyeol walked through the resturant for that “business meeting”. The anxiety that ate away at you that day was sickening but to imagine...you won’t have that anymore. Smiling to yourself, you remembered the rooftop, the igloo and the way his skin glowed in the city light. It’s been 3 weeks, almost a month since you’d seen or heard from him. You just wanted to be held by him and kiss him everywhere...and as soon as you sat down and looked at the menu, you thought about how Jin could and would possibly eat everything the chefs would whip up.

No matter how far you were from them, no matter how deep you were in this life, they always popped into your mind. You sat there, staring into the menu thinking about both their laughs, their smiles, the way Jin bit his lip when you walked into a room. The way Chanyeol ran up to you and swung you around like you were his precious doll. You missed them so much...but...even when you got back…

“(Y/N)?” Yixing asked as if unsure. You stood up and smiled at him as he approached the table haphazardly.

“That’d be me,” you giggled. Within the blink of an eye, he ran up to you and took you in for a constricting embrace.

“I’m so happy you’re alive. I...I was so broken up for days. Until...this Thomas guy called me. I thought he was joking but--” He couldn’t finish his sentence. You just hugged him back and laughed a bit.

“I’ll explain over dinner,” you pulled away and motioned for him to sit. He shook his head, walked over to your chair and pulled it out for you, pushing it back in when you took a seat. As soon as he sat across from you a waitor came rushing to your table.

“Mr. Zhang. Ms. (Y/N). Can I start you off with anything?”

“I’ll have some red wine, please,” Yixing nodded at him and smiled slightly.

“Yes, I’ll take your finest whiskey.” 

“On the rocks or?” The waiter trailed off as you shook your head.

“I’ll take the bottle...with a glass. Thank you,” Your tone stayed sweet and lively.

The waiter and Yixing looked at you wide eyed before you shrugged and narrowed your eyes at them.

“What?”

“Oh uh...nothing. Coming right up,” the waiter squeaked before he scurried off. Yixing looked over at you with confusion.

“A whole bottle of whiskey?” You inhaled sharply as he shook his head and laughed. “Alright well...tell me everything. What did I miss? How are you...dead but alive?” You just inhaled deeply and sat back.

“Well…”

It was a long hour. An hour of explaining things from top to bottom. From the moment Namjoon called you that day to inquire for Yoongi, to the Gayo, to the constant back and forth between to two, the fight with Maya, Ronnie’s death and finally how you ended up here with the Peaky Blinders and your family’s overthrown royalty. Yixing looked at you stunned and speechless as you downed your 6th glass of whiskey.

“So...here I am.”

He blinked a few times, looked at the bandage on your arm before taking your glass and pouring himself a glass of whiskey.

“I needed that after hearing all of this,” he cleared his throat as he put the glass down.

“Imagine living it,” you chuckled, pushing a pieces of pasta that was on your plate with a fork, smiling to yourself. He poured himself another glass and took the shot before digging into what ever was left of his salad.

“I mean...I would be smiling too if you finally had your freedom,” he chuckled after stuffing a forkful of salad in his mouth.

“Oh it’s not that it’s just...my first date with Jin...he made spaghetti for me and...I don’t know,” you trailed off as Yixing looked at you, putting his fork down and sighing.

“Sounds like you miss him.”

“And Chanyeol...I just...it doesn’t matter. After everything I put them through, why would they want to even see me? I mean, I’ve been gone for a month,” You slumped a bit, the smile fading from your face. Yixing scoffed and smacked your uninjured arm. “Hey what was that for?”

“For being silly,” he shook his head at you and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I don’t know Jin at all but if I know Chanyeol, he’s probably been thinking about you every day and every night. And if Jin loves you the way you say he does, he’s been thinking about you just as much,” Yixing pointed at you and continued. “It’s just up to you who you think is a better pick for you.” You tisked at him and leaned your chin against your hand as your propped your arm up on the table. He was absolutely right. But there was one thing that kept you from deciding.

“But how? How can I choose without breaking the other one’s heart? I don’t want either of them hurting...it’s just not fair. And I know life’s not fair but…”

“Listen,” Yixing scooted closer to you and used his hands to emote, as he always did. “When I was with Maya, I thought ‘There’s no one in this world that is better for me. She’s the one’ but then I had to come back to China. Figure things out for myself. And she met Yoongi. And I met Kaylan…”

“That’s right! How is she by the way? What’s she like?”

“Kaylan is...sweet. Patient. Soft spoken. Shy. Beautiful...just...amazing,” Yixing smiled to himself as he went on. “But...she’s not Maya. And sometimes...a lot of the time, I think about that.”

“She probably thinks about that too,” you admitted, not really helping his case. He shook his head and continued to explain.

“What I’m trying to say is, Jin or Chanyeol, who ever you don’t choose, will meet someone who will make them happy beyond their wildest dreams. But they wouldn’t be able to meet that person if you didn’t show them what love is. What treating a good woman is. So yes, you’re going to have to hurt one of them and yes, it’s not fair. But everything works out in the end. You’re living proof of that, Ms. ‘Wild and Free’,” Yixing chuckled at his last statement and so did you. After taking another shot of your whiskey, you looked at the dessert menu and then back at him.

“Lets get some cake and then maybe go back to your place? I can meet Kaylan?” Yixing shook his head at your statement and frowned.

“As much as I would love that…” he took the dessert menu from your hand and looked it over. “You’ve got some things you need to do back home. I’ll always be here. China isn’t going anywhere and neither are me and Kay...your frie--your family...and the love of your life...they’re waiting for you.” You sighed heavily, nodding at the undeniable truth. You needed to go back and show face. Show them all that you were alright and...you needed to tell the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with that he is your heaven. That he was the reason you had enough courage to keep going these past few weeks. That he was your sun and your moon and your stars. With the decision made, you straightened yourself up and smiled at Yixing.

“I’ll ask for the check, since dessert is out of the que--”

“Um...who said all of that?” Yixing scoffed and scrunching his eyebrows at you as if you were mad. “When have you ever taken me for a man to pass up some sweets?”

And at this you laughed. The most genuine laugh you have had in a while. And while you and Yixing marveled at the tiramisu and the hot cocoa that the waiter placed in between the two of you, your taste buds went on a frenzy.

This moment, this moment with Yixing just enjoying this dessert and reminiscing on old memories at the EXO dorm, this was the beginning of your utopia.

Now...you just had to live out your euphoria.

When the two of you started to walk out the restaurant, Yixing turned to you and crossed his arms.

“So,” He cocked his head back and looked at you inquisitively. “Where are you off to now, Zombie girl?” This was a question you didn’t even know how to answer. There was a purse full of cash hanging from your shoulders and not a care in the world infiltrating your aura. Turning to Yixing, you looked around at the city before you and shrugged. 

“To be honest, I don’t know,” you exhaled a breathy laugh and put your hand on your heart to stop it from beating out of your chest. “I just have all this adrenaline and...maybe I could stay here and start a new life or go to Japan and study with a samurai and just...” It was like you were out of breath and you smiled a bit. “Wow, I feel like I’m running a mile a minute.” 

“Woah woah, slow down there,” Yixing put his hands on your shoulders and leaned in to look you in your eyes for a second. “It’s cuz you are running a mile a minute. Relax,” His voice was soothing and melodic, as if guiding you through a meditation. “It’s like you’re in this long hallway, right? And there’s all these doors you can open all around you. But the only one you have to open is the one in front of you.” The words spoke volumes. Your breathing steadied and you nodded slowly. “That’s it. You’re fine...”

Everything was starting to feel less muddled, less frantic and hurried. The door at the end of the hallway was right in front of you. You knew what was on the other side. All you need to do was open it.

“You need a lift any where?” Yixing smiled at you when he noted the epiphanic relief wash over you face.

“Yea...the nearest airport.”

It was that night, in the bleak midwinter, that you made the decision that determined your future. This was indeed, the first day of your life.

A/N;; Thank you so much for reading! The last chapter will be uploaded in a few days. I want it to be perfect! There will be...a fun twist to the ending. I can’t wait for y’all to read it. <3

[geth-consensus]

Here’s another short story for anyone interested.

The voice of the Void

The walkway materialised before them, leading to the dais isolated by the vast chasm surrounding it, a pedestal stood at the centre of it with a soft glow emanating from the top of it. Besides that that the room was pitch black, even Lyanna's were-light was consumed by it, this was unlike anything she had ever experienced and for the first time in many years she was unnerved. The doorway that led back to the maze they had traversed to get here had vanished, swallowed whole by the encircling shadows. "This place in unnatural, it feels wrong, like-like, I don't even know." Vaelia muttered behind her.

Lyanna agreed, this was not what she had anticipated at all, whatever had made this place was different to anything else that walked this earth. But they would find no answers here, tentatively placing her foot onto the stone of the walkway she was briefly relieved to find it was solid, and seemed in no immediate hurry to fall away into the inky blackness below. Feeling slightly more confident she began to walk forward, Vaelia trailing behind her, her gaze shifting from shadow to shadow searching them for any signs of threat. This place has also unnerved her, she was never this twitchy even when fighting.

The walk across took far longer then it should have, or at least it felt like it did, it was becoming increasingly difficult to track time accurately. The dais was stark, black stone with no seams to be mentioned of lining it, the pedestal was as much the same. The object that lay hovering above it though was so bizarre Lyanna had trouble rapping her head around it, a jet black cube interlaced with criss-crossing lines from beneath which a dull light emitted. What held her fascination though was how the cube seemed to move despite being stationary, when she held her head still it appeared like a regular cube, but when she moved it began to rotate as if did not fully occupy the same dimensional space as the world around it.

"What is Ly?" Vaelia said, her voice hushed with wonder and fear. "I'm not sure, but whatever it is something put a whole lot of protection around it, they did not want people finding it" she said leaning over and peering into the ever shifting depths of the cube. Something tweaked at the back of her mind luring her toward it, inviting her to touch it, to unravel it's mysteries. Without thought she lifted her hand and moved to touch it, "Whoa! What are you doing!" Vaelia cried moving to stop her, but it was too late as Lyanna's hand entered the tangle mess of the cube's reality.

"An endless eternity ends, and a new song is spun at the twilight of there victory turned failure" a voice echoed through Lyanna's head, she tried to recoil but the cube had held firmly in place, panic began to wrack through her as the feeling in her hand numbed and flared with sensations she couldn't identify. Meanwhile the voice continued to boom in her head growing louder as it continued "Fumbling at my mind, a child lost in the dark, seeking truths beyond mortal comprehension. This is delusion". Lyanna's vision began to dim, only the voice persisted now, it's all that mattered. There was another voice, lost now but close by, it seemed of little consequence despite it's seeming instance to the contrary. She began to drift, alone on in the endless voids of her mind which now lulled her towards an end she could not see but knew she must reach.

 Vaelia was screaming, pulling on Lyanna with every ounce of power she could muster, but she was trapped fast, her hand would not relinquish from the folds of the cube. Moving around she gazed into her eyes to find them glazed and listless, seeing without vision. She gazed from Lyanna to the cube and back again, perhaps if she could...tearing Petal and Thorn from there sheaths she moved to strike the cursed box. Thorn rebounded as if had struck a wall of pure obsidian, reverberating do hard it made her teeth chatter. With a force of will she moved to strike it again with Petal, only to be met with the same result. Stepping back she crossed the blades and called upon there power, an orb of green energy blossomed between them before exploding forward to strike the entire pedestal. It washed off the rock like it had never even happened. She roared in frustration tears roiling down her eyes.

 "This timeless purgatory is no longer my own, the vanquished is freed, and the conduit is offered in it's stead." the voice said resolutely, filling ever corner of her mind. The darkness had swallowed her, there was nothing now but the reality of the oblivion that ensnared her. The voice itself now began to fade too, receding further and further away it whispered as if to itself "Time was the greatest ally they possessed, now it is all but spent and squandered." Lyanna no longer cared what it said, she had never understood it anyway, all she wanted was a nice long sleep, a chance to rest. She closed her eyes and began to fade into dreams...a bright light filled her vision, opening them blearily she found before her a wraith, it appeared human but without anything solid to define it.

"Is this how Lyanna Shadows-Bane meets her end? Giving up and falling asleep?" it said, Lyanna scoffed and shooed it with her hand. "How disappointing, after everything I sacrificed you would throw away the gift I parted to you so lazily." it scolded. Lyanna grunted in response, she had no desire to talk, she only wanted to sleep and this thing was interrupting her. "I see now, your mind is addled, of your right sense you would never act so disregarding  of me. But it is not a luxury we can afford now, you slip ever closer to me and this I can not yet allow." It snapped it's fingers and took on form, even in her daze Lyanna was dimly aware that something approaching shock had overcome her. Before her stood a dead man, a man who had been a farther to her, her master who had trained her since she was but a little girl in the arts of magic.

"You are greater then this Lyanna, I more then any other know this, and I will not allow this to be your end." he spoke with utter authority, as if by merely saying it would make it so. "There are those who still need you, those who still care for you, and those who still love you." Lyanna mind began to clear, she suddenly found that she was able to more fully comprehend what he was saying, the fog that hard pervaded her was lifting. "Now Lyanna, WAKE UP!" he bellowed with such force that the void that surrounded them lifted and blew away like dust in the wind. Her head mind wretched, she was no longer no where, she was in her body, she could feel it all again. But there also was the strange presence, that which had forced her out, now it was her turn to repay the favour. She opened her eyes.

 Lyanna's eyes snapped open and Vaelia's blade stopped short of her slicing off her hand as she gazed up at her, she wasn't looking at Vaelia but focused intently on the cube. She seemed to struggle, her face contorted with a multitude of emotions, rage, fear, confusion, determination, defiance, they all seemed to mingle into one. She opened her mouth and a voice that was not her own emanated "This will not become our perdition! Our song can not be undone!" it wailed. Then a Lyanna's voice cut in "You will be condemned here for as long as I deem it, and I deem a time in perpetuity ample punishment for your crimes!" Her hand began to flare as light shredded the surface of the cube, she opened her mouth and yelled as two voices screamed in unison. Then Lyanna's became the dominant and she wretched her hand free of the blazing tesseract and fell to the floor struggling for breath. Vaelia dove down beside her and lifted her into her arm, holding her close, her hand was lined with silver glowing light which was slowly dimming away.

 "Lyanna! Lyanna speak to me!" Vaelia whispered through tears. She finally found a steady breath and began to suck air down her throat once again, she coughed violently before saying "Hi Vae, what's up with you?" with a pained grin on her face. "You idiot! Why did you touch that thing! I was this close to cutting your hand off completely!"

"Sorry, it was a compulsion beyond my control. I never intended it to happen" she said tears rolling down her cheek, "I'm sorry I put you in that position. But I couldn't do anything, it trapped me." She gazed up at the box, an odd unreadable expression on her face.

"What was it?" Vaelia asked. "I'm not sure, something ancient, something alien, whatever it is it's not something that belongs in this world." Lyanna responded. "What do we do then?" Valiea said. "We leave" Lyanna replied, "and we never come back." Standing up with Vaelia supporting her she uttered a spell and cast her hand over the cube, it vanished before them.

"There, now if anyone ever makes it to this place after us they will assume someone took whatever sat here and with any hope leave." Lyanna said. Walking with her arm draped over Vaelia they walked back across the walkway and out of this prison of the damned.

[ratherhavetheblues]

INGMAR BERGMAN’S ‘SMILES OF A SUMMER NIGHT “If people only knew how unhealthy it is to pay attention to what people say, they wouldn’t bother to listen and they’d feel so much better…”

© 2019 by James Clark

     Like the Bergman film, Winter Light (1963), Smiles of a Summer Night (1955), threatens, at first blush, to be a pain in the ass. Instead of the former film’s protagonist’s death march through rootless theology, we have a veritable general assembly of gluttons for winning advantage over everyone else, so smug and fatuous in their ridiculous “sophistication” as to seem not only from several centuries past but obviously headed for embarrassment. However, just as we were rewarded by putting up with the first hour-plus in the first-mentioned film, there is, in the latter (our film today), after quite a long while, something delicious turning the tables—which is not to say, becoming dominant.

At the beginning of the 20th century, a high-profile Stockholm actress, Desiree, presses her mother—an elderly dowager—to stage a summer weekend for a number of her associates, in order to create a fracas that will wrest away from his very young wife a lawyer  whom, as once before, she finds herself in love with. Whereas the jockeying amidst various cynical patricians is hectic and not particularly witty—one scene recalling the Three Stooges—(making for Bergman a much-needed state of solvency and continued career), it is the non-amorous octogenarian who makes the occasion truly sexy.

There is a prelude to this romp, where Desiree bursts into her mother’s bedroom (interrupting the latter’s game of Solitaire, at 7 a.m.) to have her write out the invitations. While the daughter drinks a lot of coffee and then skims over a novel, the owner of the estate has more to say about the state of the nation than the progressions of her flakey daughter. On Desiree’s describing her event as doing a “good deed,” the rather frail but very alert intruded-upon declares, “They [good deeds] cost far too much” (the recipient not likely to seriously respond, leaving the donor nonplussed). She goes on to elaborate upon her being fond of Solitaire. The social convener/ daughter asks, “Is anything really important to you?” Her mother, not needing to think it over, shoots back, “I am tired of people. But that doesn’t stop me loving them… I could have had them stuffed and hanging in long rows, any number of them [fine as a decorative possibility; disastrous as actuality]. One can never protect a human being from any kind of suffering [the level of grotesque perversity being like a self-satisfied plague]. That is what makes one so tremendously weary…”

The uniqueness of this inflected misanthrope really gets down to business during the opulent dinner on that “big” weekend for Desiree and for several others who might, sometime later, realize it was not as big as it appeared. (One other epigram in the old gal’s bag of tricks that early morning, involved her exclaiming that she had just won at the present game of Solitaire. Immediately, Desiree, being an archive of snotty put-downs, snipes, “One always does if you cheat a little.” In response, her mother digs a little deeper in face of an overrated artiste, about which the discerning dowager had , in the flow of tedium, mentioned, “Desiree, you worry me…” [she being one of those she is “tired of,” and yet “loving.”] Reading her child like a book, concerning the former beau, now back on the griddle, she [somewhat inconsistently] posits, “Your character is far too strong [for him]. You got that from you father.” But that father had, one day, thrown the mom out a window, an anecdote reestablishing the toughest of tough love.] Worrisome and superficially clever as Desiree clearly is in her mother’s eyes, the latter feels compelled, for the hell of it, to enact a pointless riposte about the depths of Solitaire. “You’re wrong, there. Solitaire is the only thing in life that calls for absolute honesty.”)

The lady of the house shows, in several ways, that her energies, though having very little to do with those of her guests, have been galvanized to confront here so much of what she not only endures but also transcends. She has placed all the visitors along one side of the long banquet table, the better to set in relief her own distinctiveness, being a constant endeavor, even when, as often, she is alone. We see her in close-up being embraced by many large, blazing and cave-like-emanations of wax. We see her, in fact, as she is, namely, an irregular oracle.

The night commences with a brief glimpse of dark clouds within which the moon darts in and out. Then there are swans in the property’s lake, their consummate  gracefulness being some kind of condemnation of the invaders. As you would imagine, Desiree’s contacts, including a count and countess, would dwell upon displaying how much star-power they presume to emit. As seated at the table, their regular diet of concupiscence would be supplemented by the figure of someone seemingly off the lust-grid, and thereby of totally no account. The Countess promptly imagines that advanced conversation could be sustained by the gambit of betting Egerman, Desiree’s designated squeeze, she could seduce him within fifteen minutes. She entitles her thesis, “Can women never be the seducers?” The affluent lawyer in the cross hairs shows some slick  lawyering, in terms of, “Men are always the ones seduced.”  This brings from the Count, “Nonsense, I have never been seduced. A man is always on the offensive. He [Egerman] just wants to appear interesting.” The lawyer’s student-priest-son takes exception to the tone–“We were brought into the world to love one another…”–only to be met by Desiree, with, “In matters of love we need to be gymnastic,” players of startling range (hold that thought).

Perhaps to forestall the guests throwing buns at each other (she had, on that morning, insisted, “If there are actors [in the guest-list], they’ll have to eat in the stables…”), the adult interrupts, “My dear children and friends…According to legend, this wine is pressed from grapes whose juice gushes out like drops of blood against  the pale grape skin. It’s also said  that to each cask filled with the wine was added a drop of milk from a young mother’s breast and a drop from a seed from a young stallion. These lend to the wine secret seductive powers. Whoever drinks hereof does so at  his own risk and must answer for himself.”

The guests, given their reflexiveness toward packaged self-aggrandizement, convert the lady’s deep poetry to shallow prose (as she knew they would). During the gauche start-up in imagining what heights call for, she trips up the Count, the most besotted of the egotists, by pointing out that if male seduction needs no show of qualities, “your main ally is not your own assets” (but instead an agency you don’t effectively  control–the married woman’s marital ennui). At this, the Count, showing some chivalry, calls out, “Bravo!” for her wit. Also at that commencement–of Desiree’s bringing together the virgin, trophy bride (to forestalling Egerman’s getting old) and the virgin moralist, a state which would open the door to the lawyer’s second coming into the actress’ mastery (a step putting randy and now violently boring Count Malcolm back to some semblance of being a husband to a wife who calls herself, “an honest little rattlesnake” and regards love as “a loathsome business”)–the actress advises the callow theologian, beginning to boil over, “Why don’t you try laughing at us?” Perhaps the highwater mark, very brief, of self-criticism, in her entire life.

Once the plonk-mavens hit their stride, on failing to do justice to the oracle’s serious vintages, we see no more of her and her wisdom. Whereas, in the later run-through of annoying folks capitulating, in Winter Light, there is a robust, late show of spirit that has a fascinating hope, we have to do without hope here—or at least, very faint hope. It appears that, at this stage of his reflection, Bergman, very intent on savaging those who settle for less, had come to ponder the fate of a dead planet and a special horror and power for those not dead.

How should we make the best of this compromised treasure of a film? As it happens, there’s another wise soul in this catchment of clowns, characteristically hard to find and appreciate. (Many viewers intuit that in Bergman we encounter a giant of modern cinematic mood. But how many realize that he’s a uniquely brilliant writer?) Egerman has brought along his young housemaid, Petra, a good-natured strumpet. She soon links up with, Frid, one of the dowager’s servants; and, with the feast segueing into a multifaceted skirmish, there they are, in the June night, alight with Nordic sunlight, and snuggled down against a windmill, with swans serenely drifting by, she seeming exhausted, and he enjoying another tankard of beer (he having been one of the bearers of that challenging wine). He remarks (almost as if he’d tasted the beverage of choice), “Do you see, Little One? The summer light is smiling.” Petra retorts, “So, you’re a poet, too?” Shaking that off, he continues, “The summer night has three smiles. This is the first, between midnight and dawn, when young lovers open their hearts and loins. Look, then, on the horizon’s smile so soft. You have to be very quiet and watchful to see it all.” Petra repeats, “Young lovers…” Frid teases, “Did that move you, my little pet?” She goes on, with, “Why have I never been a young lover? Can you tell me that?”/ “My dear little girl,” he gently replies, “console yourself. There are few young lovers in this world. You could almost count them. Love has smitten them, both as a gift  and a punishment…”/ “And the rest of them?” she asks. “The rest of us? What becomes of us?” With a broad smile, he opines, “We invoke love, call out to it, beg for it and tell lies about it… But we don’t have it… No, my Sugar Pie. We are denied the love of loving. We don’t have the gift… Nor the punishment.”

We’ll never know if this very tenuous associate of the dowager’s could elaborate upon his riveting gambit, because their oracular dialogue is blown away by Egerman’s preachifying son needing their help to procure a horse and coach to effect the beginning of his and Egerman’s wife, Anne, being a constellation of elopement and fatuous denunciation and purity of intent. “Bless me!” Petra exclaims, so thrilled by the “adventuresome”, and yet where not long before, back home, she had been nonplussed by the prig’s reading to her a tract of Martin Luther, “You cannot stop the birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from nesting in your hair…” Although there was passion that night at the dowager’s, in the aftermath of the dogmatist’s failed attempt at suicide, there was also Anne’s troubling melodramatic approach to the getaway, skulking along the wall of the barn. Right after the precious lovers race beyond the range of inadequacy, there is a cut to a clock at the estate, announcing the hour by a procession of figures, one wracked with care, and another being a skull.

As if to confirm that some can handle excitement far better than others, the apparatus with moving parts, involving Petra and Frid, comprises a coursing windmill, seen in silhouette, perhaps a prelude to clear sailing, along with obscurity. Frid proposes following the second smile of the summer night, “for the jesters, the fools and the incorrigible.” Petra  infers, “Then she [the smile] must be smiling at us.” Brushing off his proposal of another beer, she sticks to the gratifying, and unmistakably in play, mysticism. “Then she is smiling at us, I said!”/ “Correct,” is his return to depths he only seldomly tolerates. (That would be Frid’s figuring, in the cinematic reflections of Bergman, at a lesser pitch than and anticipatory of, Jof, the dreamer of acrobatics and impossible juggling, in The Seventh Seal. “Do you want to marry me?” is Petra’s response to something in the stars, spotlighting her affinities to Jof’s wife, Marie, the pragmatic but crazy enough wife of Jof). Frid laughs loudly and with ridicule, at Petra’s impetuousness. Not to be put off by the mixed signals, she argues, “An hour ago you said you wanted to.”/ “That was then,” he claims, being fond of messing around, stemming from a less than sound grasp of a logic of introducing opposites. To that, Petra, knowing that the cat is out of the bag and she wants to bring it home, declares, “You will marry me!”—slugging him a few times for emphasis. Frid tells her, “You’re a strong little sugar plum…” by way of acknowledging that she’s not like other girls. Pummeling him and shooting off that matrimonial threat again, over and over, carries the conflict to a strange thread of resolve. (Here a cut to ponderous Desiree, tucking into bed her child, obviously from Egerman, whom she persists, however, in lieu of mystery, in refusing to specify the roots, such as they were. Her favorite saying, within this “comedy” decidedly veering to farce, is, “Men need to be guided to their own best interests.”) When next we see the hardy servants—after a madcap display of the seduction addicts cementing their power interests and giving no thought to love—they have produced a hybrid of the joys of paradox and the joys of something less than that. “Do you promise to marry me?”/ “Just let go of my ears!” is Frid’s rejoinder. (This moment is shown from a long distance away. The stone-built mill is integral; they’re already dissipating into a rural void. Now in close-up, his own fatalism has bought into something far from unique. “I promise!”/ “Swear by everything you hold sacred!” the hitherto promiscuous loose cannon preaches. “I swear by my manhood”—the context being a mound of straw which he falls back into while shooting erect one of his legs. At this, Petra, triumphs, “Then we can consider ourselves engaged!” She falls back on the straw and her leg shoots skyward. “May Frid rest in peace,” is his take on this irony. “He’s on his way to hell now!” “Up you get, Fatty! Time to groom the horses,” are his marching papers. Having already assimilated a stiff dose of the mundane, while still in the hunt, regardless of the odds, Frid can call out, “There is no better life than this!” To which Petra adds, “And the summer night has smiled for the third time,” in a synthesis.

In this moment of advance and retreat, Frid feels compelled to accentuate the positive. “For the sad and dejected, for the sleepless and lost souls, for the frightened and the lonely…” [we persevere]. Petra adds, “But the clowns will have a cup of coffee in the kitchen!” Their leaving us in a distant shot, as they make their way through a fine grain field is far from the end of their activation. The ironic Hollywood upsweep here in the sound-track poses a threat having been surmounted.

Frid and Petra don’t expect much. But, by comparison with their “betters,” having totally missed the point of the oracle, they send forth the kind of ragged lucidity to be seen more pointedly, two years later, in Jof and Marie, in, The Seventh Seal (1957).

With the child-bride and the child-priest out of the way, there is Desiree, responding to Egerman’s, “Don’t leave me…”: “I make no promises. You’re a terribly boring, normal person, and I’m a great artist.” The Count and Countess have their kind of confluence: He mocks, “I shall be faithful for at least seven eternities of pleasure… eighteen false smiles and fifty-seven tender whisperings. Without meaning. I shall remain faithful until the great yawn do us part. In short, I shall remain faithful in my way… I can never be at ease. You know that.”

Before closing this saga and its trio of fascinating seers, there remains to be noticed explicitly how the work by such a consummate craftsman as Bergman sees fit to hatchet those who trade in facile artistry. Egerman’s being a successful attorney-at-law (acting for another in legal matters) has been exposed as lacking in initiative for the sake of primordial justice. His coquette doll of a new wife, Anne, knows very well about social climbing by way of her looks, and she ends up looking like a saccharin, tasteless. life-long bore. Frederick, the Second, whose discernment in women is on a par with his understanding of cosmic love—his father having kicked himself, about asking the outcome of a battery of his academic exams, with  “silly question,” [that it could be anything but Straight-A’s]—would have derived, from his glittering answering at school, being a yes-man in an ivory tower meaning precious nothing. Desiree’s status as a theatre darling in a provincial outpost comes to a moment of pocketing Egerman’s set of photos of princess Anne. Count Malcolm, the dueling and killer croquet expert, shows us his hot wheels (capable of a dazzling 20 mph) while driving, along with the Countess and a servant, into the dowager’s moment of truth. Their get-up and the backfires therein, resemble flatulence, perfect for a Three Stooges accomplishment. In assenting to her husband’s incurable malignancy, the Countess Charlotte defines herself, being a confident of Anne, as another clever materialist. But, with Desiree, watching the Count playing croquet as if a crucial activity, she gets off the slimmest glimmer of contempt for his “unyielding virility,”  his addiction to make every move a military gain. Notwithstanding, Desiree, from out of the patented cynicism of her coterie, seeks to smarten up the scholar with the wise proposition, “… sensible adults treat love as if it were a military campaign or a gymnastics exhibition.” Soon we shall treat of an even more incisive instance of this matter of fruitful interplay, in the perhaps greatest of Bergman’s films, The Magician (1958).

[yoonia]

About Time // Part 6

Character: Jungkook x reader / Jimin x reader (feat. BTS)

↳ Type/Genre/words: Angst, Alternate Universe (Time Travel!au/Time Leap!au, Soulmate!au) / 13,385 words

↳ Prompts: “What if you find your soulmate… at the wrong time?” - Lauren Kate, Passion

↳ Summary: Be careful for what you wish for, because you may never know how to deal with them once it comes true. What would you do when your wish for a second chance actually came true? But was it really a fulfilled wish? Too many questions lie when it actually happened. Were they real memories? Or perhaps a part of a past life? Was it only a dream all along? Will everything be different this time?

↳ Warnings: Mentions of cancer and character death

↳ ⤎ Previous Chapter | series index: about time | Next Chapter ⇢

—First life. St. Vincent’s Hospital, year 2026—

“What’s your name?”

I have only been sitting there beside him for not more than ten minutes when he spoke. The medications I was getting made me feel a bit sleepy, and I was in the middle of dozing off to sleep. I did not really pay attention to him when I first to the seat next to his, letting the silence accompany us until he finally decided that it would be better to converse rather than sleep.

“You know that my statistic board is facing to your side, don’t you? I’ve noticed that you have been eyeing the board since I started sitting here, so I assumed you’ve read it already,” I told him, keeping my droopy eyes on him.

“Whoops—Guess I’ve been caught?” He chuckled. “I read them perfectly, but I want to hear them from you. Just so I can know how to pronounce it whenever I need to call you, or perhaps court you if you’d let me.” He flicked his eyebrows and gave me a wink, lowering his voice at the end of his words.

I scoffed. “Cheeky. Do you always flirt with new patients?”

He gave me a grin, chuckling at my retort. “Only with the pretty ones. Come on, what’s your name?”

I looked away with another scoff before turning back to look at him, and I was welcomed by his playful pout as his way of pleading for me to answer. A sigh came out of me before I finally surrendered. “It’s _______. What’s yours?”

“You already know my name. Didn’t you hear them calling me earlier?”

I raised my brows. “Mochi? That’s not your real name though, so what is it?”

“Does it matter?” The look in his eyes changed. Even the mischievous smirk he kept earlier suddenly turned into a pursed smile.

“Does it not?” I only asked him then. “Why do they call you Mochi?”

He released a cynical chuckle, before turning in his seat to face forward and look away from me. “Why do people call anyone with anything? It’s a nickname they gave me, and the name I live by.”

I gnawed deep into my lower lips, wanting no more than to push my curiosities away. Yet I failed. Even if we had just met, there was something about him which awoken my curiosity. “What’s wrong with your real name?”

He fell silent for a brief while, keeping his eyes looking straight forward when he finally answered with a clenched jaw. “That name belongs to the man that is no longer here.”

“I gave you my real name, though. That isn’t fair,” I hummed. I regretted saying those words right after they slipped out of me, but I couldn’t help to wonder how I could feel so comfortable with him even on our first meeting. How was it possible for me to be able to say these things to him when I could barely say anything to my own brother or friend.

He turned to look at me, leaning back in his recliner as he sent me a lazy smile. “Earn my trust and I will give you anything you want to know.”

“Hmm—tempting,” I scoffed. Silently relieved the moment I could see the mischief in his eyes starting to come back again.

He scooted on his seat, keeping his back resting on the pillows as he turned his body to face me. “Are you always this bitter?” He mused at me, and I could feel how his eyes were studying my face when he questioned me.

“What do you mean? Is that your way of telling me that I’m not being friendly enough?”

“Oh—you are indeed have been more friendly than some. If only those eyes can show me that you are being sincere.” He kept staring at me, and suddenly, his eyes glared deep into mine, as if he wanted to read the deepest thoughts I was keeping to myself. “Who hurt you? Who carved the pain that is emitting from your pretty eyes, love?”

I nearly cried. How could a man who I have only met and talked to for less than one hour be able to read me so well? Have I been emitting my own pain through my body? Could everyone else see through me as much as he did?

“No one did. It was life. Life hurt me.”

He gave me a sad smile. “Hmm—Such a pity. Life got to you too, huh? But then again, that only means we can now make ourselves the perfect ally.”

“Why?”

“Because we have the same enemy.”

He insisted that I should sit right next to him again when I returned to the ward the next day. I had to undergo another treatment that day, and I gladly took his offer since I knew I would need someone to talk to while I had to get through it. And it was such a coincidence that the other spots were all taken by other patients, leaving the spot next to him the only one left available for me.

I had my own suspicions about it, on whether he had arranged for it to happen in advance, or if perhaps the older patients—who were interestingly seemed to be so deeply fond of him—had helped set me up at my spot for whatever reasons they may have at the time.

Whether it was a good thing or a bad one, I could not really tell at first. I was determined to keep myself distant to anyone around me, knowing that perhaps it was not a good time for me to start any form of relationship, either friends or lovers. With my share of terrible relationships in the past, how I have hurt and disappointed people I cared about, and being disappointed and broken myself, I had decided that I would not find myself falling into the same pattern all over again.

Especially not when I had no idea what my future would be with the battle I was currently having.

But when I heard him hissing softly not long after I sat down on my recliner, I could not help but worry about him and was left wondering what was wrong.

“Are you alright?” I turned to face him right after the nurse who had been tending me left us alone.

Well, probably not completely alone. But as we sat there in the corner with the other patients already started dozing off to sleep or busy with their day, it felt like we were left in our own personal bubble. Just the two of us.

It took some time before he finally responded. But from the faint sound of his shallow breaths and light groans coming from him, I knew that he wanted to wait until he could endure his pain before turning to face me. His face was terribly pale when he looked my way. And judging from how swollen his lips looked, I knew he probably had been throwing up, probably before I had gotten there. I could only guess it because I had been warned by the doctors and nurses that I might experience that one day.

I had prepared myself to mask my expression, not wanting him to misread my concern with pity. Yet the moment our eyes met, his lips easily curled into a small smirk and his teary eyes gave me a warm gaze.

“Are you worried about me? I’m glad,” he said with croaked voice.

“Well, now that I see you are back with your little wits and flirty smile, I’m pretty sure that you are doing okay.”

I was for a fact still felt extremely worried about him. But I didn’t know him that well yet—unable to tell much about him yet after only spending eight hours conversing together the day before—so I did my best to hide my true feelings. Even when there was something about him that left me wanting to know more, to see deeper into him.

He gave me a soft chuckle. “That’s okay, love. I’ve had worse days before, so I can deal with this one easily,” he said, turning his gaze away.

It was not hard to see how he was trying to put his poker face on to hide things from me, to appear stronger. But his eyes showed me every unspeakable part that was going through his mind. Yet it was the words he said afterwards that had me feeling disappointed and left out.

“I don’t want you to waste your time and energy to worry about me. I don’t really have a place in your mind or thoughts anyway.”

I scoffed. “Don’t flatter yourself, Mochi. I’m only being nice because you still have a debt to pay and there’s nobody else here but me.”

“A debt?” He glanced at me with knitted brows, before his eyes widened. “Ah—Are you still curious to know my name? Or is it that you are curious to know about the man that was forgotten and left heartbroken by life?”

“What if I told you that I want to know both of them?”

He smirked. The light in his eyes might have vanished. But as I looked deep into his eyes, I was pretty sure that those eyes were able to emit the sun and stars once in the past, their glorious time which had people falling in love with them before they faded away by his pain. He also seemed so frail and exhausted, but he still had a glint of mischief subtly showing as he answered me with, “I always admire a woman who knows what she wants.”

I rolled my eyes and looked away as I felt warmth appearing on my face the minute I heard his flattering words. There was not a doubt in mind that my cheeks may have been blushing. Too bad, he had a chance of seeing them before I had a chance to hide them from him.

“You look really cute when you are blushing like that.”

I coughed out of embarrassment from his words alone. “I shouldn’t look cute. Because you and I both know, cuteness and these pyjamas, and with these tubes hanging over me, they do not belong together.”

He lightly laughed, looking amused at my answer. And it made me feel relieved and proud to know that I was able to make him laugh. For some reason, I had unknowingly made it my mission to make him smile, to make him forget about his pain. The little pride that came to me after knowing that I had succeeded only made me want to do more.

“Alright then—” he said, already looking more relaxed as he lied there on his recliner. “What are you going to offer me as a tribute to earn my trust?”

“I don’t know,” I said, pursing my lips. “Is there anything you want?”

“You.”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “Alright, you need to stop that—”

“I know. You are off-limits anyway,” he said, nodding his head to point at my ring finger that was already left bare. “I don’t know if you had given the ring back to him or you’re only keeping it away while enduring these treatments, but I know there is someone who you still long for since you keep brushing your finger above the ring mark.”

I instantly looked down on the bare finger, letting out a sigh at the sight of the ring mark that was visible on my skin before turning my glance back at him. From how he was giving me such a sad smile, I could easily guess that I was mirroring that smile myself.

I sunk my teeth into my lower lip, completely lost for words on how he was able to keep reading me.

“Are you surprised?” He taunted. “Very well—then, why don’t we trade? Every page of your story for every page of mine. Ending the part of my story with my real name and your story with whatever you choose to share me. You can even talk about him if you want. What do you say?”

There was something about him that lured me in, pulling me to keep getting closer and to give way for him to enter. Something about him that made it so hard for me to refuse his presence. SoI agreed to his offer.

And that was when everything started. The day when we started to open not only our masks for each other, but every single one of our wounds that we had sealed so recklessly only to stop them from revealing themselves to the world.

I lied sideways on my recliner, sharing bits of my early life in exchange for his. I kept my deepest darkest secrets to myself, waiting for the right moment to open those pages to him, but I shared the others as a beginning step of our trade. I told him stories of my childhood, my uneventful teenage years, and my youthful dreams between a few times of dozing off due to the effect of the medicines running through my blood, while he listened to me patiently with droopy eyelids and a few light yawns.

“Wait—you went to that university?” He asked me with his sleepy voice, forcing his eyes to stay open the moment I told him where I went to college.

“Yeah, I did,” I chuckled. “Didn’t really have the fondest memories of it though, but it was a great school. I met some great people, made some good memories, and—” I stopped just when Jungkook’s face appeared in my head, and when the years of attending that college came flooding through my mind. I had never before let those memories of my college days come back to me.

Because it was the place where everything started. Where my life began to spiral down the hill. And every time they came back to, they carried along with them all the pain I had only to remind me how miserable my life was.

He released a sigh. “I was so close to becoming a graduate from that university, you know.”

“What?” I chuckled. “Wait—are you serious?”

He looked at me with such a hollow smile—another one of his expressions which I couldn’t decipher—and the kind of gaze that was filled with wonders and questions. “I flew to the city right away after I got the acceptance letter, moved in as a dorm resident and stayed there for a year.”

“You got accepted and attended courses there?” I gasped and I couldn’t help but amazed at the fact that we were much closer than we had thought we were. “But—what changed? Why did you change your mind?”

He smacked his lips, turning his gaze away from me to look up at the ceiling as his mind wandered to the past. “It was my dream to learn music, but dancing was another passion I couldn’t let go of. During the first week of my arrival in the city, I met some of my old friends who loved to dance on the streets. After a while, I decided to join them and realised that I had so much fun doing it with them. I did it only on my spare time at first, and I only took a few classes in university so I can have more dancing afterwards,” he said, his eyes were filled with wonders as he reminisced his youth. “I thought I could juggle both lives together, between studying and dancing. But then, came the day when someone came up to me with an offer to dance professionally, telling me that if I wanted to go far from dancing alone, I had to let go of my study.”

I pursed my lips. I could only watch how his face changed to sorrow as he lied there in silence.

“You chose to dance.”

“That I did,” he nodded. “I figured I could dance as much as I wanted to and gain enough money from it. School was hard and I felt like I was wasting my time there. I thought that once I’ve gone far with dancing, I could go back to study at an art academy with the money I had collected.”

“That’s too bad. We could’ve met back then and become college mates.” I playfully tutted, earning his light chuckle—which he gave without turning to look at me. “Did it work out? How far did you go with your dancing life?”

He opened his lips to answer, yet he stopped himself before telling me what he wanted to say. He fell silent for a brief moment before turning to glance at me with a smirk on his face. “Let me just say that dancing got me far enough with the girls.”

In short, young Mochi was a fuckboy.

The professional dancer turned into a professional lover by fame.

I sat next to him again the next day. After having to end the conversation we had the day before when we both fell asleep before reaching to the good parts. Began unfolding every single escapade he had gotten into as he kept moving around to city to perform with his dance crew.

My day started with a high fever that I could barely open my eyes. The drugs were finally starting to take effects on my body and I woke up in the morning feeling like my whole body was burning from within. With the addition of the huge stress from finding flocks of hair fallen at the sides of my pillow and an insane pain inside my head, let me just say that I did not have the best of mornings to start with.

He knew how terrible I felt just by looking at my face as I was being strolled into the ward. So I guess that was the reason why he had decided that it would be the best time humour me with the most grimacing stories he had from his wild flings.

And apparently, it worked.

I was already shedding tears from laughing too much when he got to his fourth story.

“So we went to this college event and got invited to a frat party happening later that night,” he said, holding back his laughter that he sounded as if he was losing breath between each word. “We got there around midnight, which was already late so the house was packed. The rooms were jam-packed with people and the music was so loud you could barely hear yourself think. Drinks were handed around and it never stopped. The girls that were invited to the party were hot, and—most of them were pretty wild. I danced in the crowd with my crew when suddenly, this hot chick slipped between us and started grinding on me. I was terribly drunk and so hyped, so I just let everything happened. But I wasn’t drunk enough to forget how she pulled me upstairs to find an empty room. We couldn’t find any and all I did was let her drag me around until she pushed me into this small room, I guess it was a bathroom. I didn’t see the whip-cream can in her hand until then—”

I gasped. After listening to the previous story, I could tell how this one would end. “Oh, no—”

“I completely lost it when she opened her lips and sprayed the cream inside her mouth—”

I covered my mouth with my palms. I couldn’t help but cringe even before he continued, “—I couldn’t say anything, but I couldn’t stop thinking about was how hot it was.”

“Of course you did,” I scoffed and rolled my eyes while he kept talking.

“And then she reached down and pulled my pants off—”

“No—”

“—started spraying the cream on my—,” he stopped to clear his throat. His eyes were filled with mirth when he continued, while twirling his finger over his crotch, “—you know.”

“Oh, God—”

“Then she started licking them clean with her tongue—”

I screeched. Literally. All while covering my face that was undoubtedly blushing with my palms and I could not stop laughing when the image came to mind so vividly, even if I tried not to imagine it.

“—really messy, and weird, but that tongue was made of heaven. I have never—”

I screeched to cover his words with my own voice. “Oh, my God—That’s it, stop!”

“—best fucking blowjob ever.” He grinned widely and laughed. “And then she left me in that bathroom with my pants down and I stood there feeling all sticky and dirty. I remember sobering up a little while I was trying to catch my breath. Meanwhile, she walked out without waiting for me to follow her while spraying the cream into her mouth and said nothing to me. Literally, nothing, and then she was gone.”

I couldn’t stop laughing in disbelief. “Oh my God—but okay, I have to admit that this one is pretty hot.”

His grin widened, then he carried on to join my giggling fits. “So I guess that one finally turns you on?”

I tutted, before I picked up the small cushion on my lap to swing it at him, earning his delightful laughs. A soft deep chuckle interrupted our giggles, and we turned our heads to the man that was sleeping across to Mochi. He seemed to have been awakened by our ruckus, yet he only looked at us with a fond smile on his face.

“Oh, Mr. Ahn—did we wake you?” Mochi shifted in his seat and smiled sheepishly at the man, while I had to bite my lips to hide the grin that refused to disappear as I kept picturing the image of Mochi from the last story he told me. “I’m sorry if we’re being too loud,” Mochi apologized to the man with an embarrassed bow from his own seat.

The old man only chuckled and raised his weak hand to wave us off. “It’s fine. It makes me happy when I see people relaxing and having fun. Seeing your young souls smiling always give me hope,” he said in a raspy voice, his whole body seemed so frail and he looked as if he could fall asleep anytime. But his kind words made me smile.

I leaned back on my recliner to try and rest, keeping my eyes on the man as he fell back to sleep with a wide smile.

I was asleep when the nurses took Mochi away to his room. But my fever was gone when I woke up.

And it came back with a vengeance the next morning.

My body was reacting at the medications really badly, kicking back at it without failing to give me pain and nausea as soon as I woke up that morning. I was scheduled to come home that day if only my body was able to fight it. But apparently, the fight between the chemicals that were running through my blood against the poisonous cells inside me was starting at an early stage than expected, and I felt as if I was already losing the battle.

“The reaction is showing pretty early, but I think your body is rejecting it instead of conforming to its effect. We will give you some vitamins to help you feel better and to strengthen your body while we observe your progress closely,” Dr. Kim told me when he came to my room to examine my condition.

My body was heating up, and the fever made me feel weaker than ever. All I gave as an answer was a slight nod before I fought off my ragged breaths to say, “Yes, Doctor. Just tell me what to do.”

For the whole day, I was held back in my treatment room for observation. Which only meant that for the first time since I had started my treatments in this hospital, I would not be spending my time in the chemotherapy ward as I usually did and would not be able to see Mochi. For the first time, I would be left in my room all alone. And it terrified me. The nurses were right when they said how resting in the chemotherapy ward would help, because being surrounded by others who understood the struggles I had to endure and those who knew how to support me helped me forget about the pain for a while, and forget about the reason why I was there.

Now that I was left alone, I felt so lonely that even with the occasional visits from the nurses could not help ease my loneliness at all. At the end of the day, as the drugs started to work its way to help me feel better, I closed my eyes only to imagine myself lying down on my bed with Mochi sitting next to me. The thought of his voice and his smile helped me calm myself down until I finally fell asleep.

They allowed me to return to the ward once my fever came down the next day.

They had to delay the last schedule for my induced chemotherapy until they were sure I have recovered enough, but they decided that it was better for me to rest there as I had to undergo my vitamins infusion before they would let me go home.

I was only away for one day.

And when I was strolled into the ward, everything felt so different. It was quiet and the air somehow felt a bit cold. The atmosphere was grim, not even the small smiles everyone was giving me enough to make it feel better.

I sat next to Mochi who was lying on his recliner with his back facing my side. When I figured he was probably resting, I started looking around and noticed that the recliner seat across from us was empty.

“Where is Mr. Ahn? Is he not having his treatment today?”

Everyone was silent. But then I turned to see how Mrs. Yoo, who had always seated next to Mr. Ahn and right across from me, was giving me a sad smile. She padded lightly on the headrest of the empty recliner beside her while answering, “His journey here has ended. It was time for him to continue his new journey towards the Kingdom of Gods.”

“Oh no—”

I could not say anything to respond, and only watched in silence when one of the elderly across the room lifted his glass of vegetable smoothie to cheer towards Mr. Ahn’s seat by saying, “He had fought his battle bravely. He is a free man now.”

I had only spent my time with the other patients and had only gotten to know the man for a few short days. Yet the emptiness in the room that was created by the absence of one man, how everyone kept glancing towards the empty recliner during the day, and how they even made their way to pat the empty seat before they left the ward—every single gesture they did make my chest tightened with despair.

I could only sit there, watching everything unfold and realising that every part of it was real. I felt as if I was being slapped by reality to remind me of where I was, what I was going through and to look at everything with a clear mind.

Mochi was silent for most of the day, but I understood that he was perhaps feeling the same way as I did. He only sat there in silence with his eyes staring straight at Mr. Ahn’s seat with a blank expression. I wanted to console him, but I didn’t know how. So all I did was take his hand in mine every time his eyes looked down and looked so empty.

I finally spoke to him to break the silence, right before I had to leave. “Today is my last day. I’ll be heading home tonight.”

He finally turned to look at me. I saw his eyebrows knitted together for a brief moment before his face relaxed. He asked me with a gentle smile, “When is your next treatment scheduled?”

I shrugged. “Two weeks from now. Unless it takes me longer to recover then it’ll be—”

“Three weeks, give or take,” he cut me off. I looked at him and he gave me a knowing smile.

He had been experiencing the same thing. Which was obvious, except I just didn’t know yet for how long.

“What’s your demon?” He asked me, leaning his head back in his seat. “What is the demon you are fighting against?”

I pursed my lips before giving him an answer. “Bone cancer. They will be feeding off my spine pretty soon before they start spreading everywhere they want to go.” And right when I let those words left my lips, right after I spoke them out loud, I felt shivers running through my body.

The whole thing that happened that day was overwhelming—the news about Mr. Ahn, the sadness that filled the room, and then suddenly, I had to reveal the truth about my own battle. My demons.

Everything was real. Everything was actually happening. And for the first time ever since the day I found out about my illness, I felt so afraid. I felt as if every feeling and every dreadful thought that I had suppressed inside me came flowing out right away and I was trembling in fear.

I was scared for my life.

He must have felt the change of emotions that came flooding inside me. Because as I was drowning in my fear, as I was lost in my own thoughts, he pulled me back by taking my trembling hand in his hold.

“Don’t give up,” he said, gripping my hand gently while giving me a smile that had more warmth than mischief. “Don’t you dare give up. I won’t let you.”

I felt my tears brimming at the corner of my eyes at his words, and I could only nod since I knew I would end up sobbing if I had said anything.

He pulled my hand to his again right when I was about to leave my seat. “Park Jimin,” he said. “That’s my real name. Don’t ever forget about me, alright?”

I nodded at him and smiled, gripping his hand tightly with my trembling fingers once more as if he would disappear once I let go. “Will I see you again next time?”

He chuckled. Letting me feel slightly relieved even though I could still sense his sadness and worries emitting behind his warm smile. Yet as always, he managed to cover them up the moment he playfully said,

“Oh—Don’t worry. I will always be right here waiting for you, love.”

—Present life, year 2016—

It was one late Friday night when I joined Taehyung for a ride away from the campus vicinity.

I looked out through the taxi window to see us going further away from all the familiar streets and buildings and started to enter an entirely different area of the city. I had agreed to let Taehyung take me away that night to celebrate the end of exam week, which was also about to be the last day before we started our lives as sophomores.

We arrived one hour later at one small pub on the far side of the city.

It looked so simple and the building seemed pretty old, a typical old pub that looked nothing like any regular hangout place we used to see around campus. But as I stepped inside, I immediately fell in love with it.

It was far from what I had imagined. It was not packed with as many crowds as I had expected. There was no loud music that required you to shout out just to have a conversation nor a dancing crowd grinding each other’s hips. Instead, I was welcomed by a fancy looking bar, an empty stage at its corner which had a grand piano and a few strings instruments already set up, a few people dancing lightly at the center while they were being accompanied by the music playing from a jukebox nearby.

“Why did you take me here?” I asked Taehyung as I looked around, scanning the interior with awe. “How did you find this place?”

I could feel Taehyung shrugging next to me. “You always avoid parties and you said it yourself how you can’t enjoy being in clubs without feeling worried about what might happen. I found out about this place from a classmate and instantly thought of taking you here.”

I turned to face him, partly nervous while excited at the same time. We were still standing at the pub’s entrance, glancing around to enjoy the new vibe happening around us. “Well, this place certainly is refreshing and new. But, why—”

“We’re here to celebrate.” He cut me off, grinning right after he saw my face looking so lost.

“Celebrate, what?” I looked ahead once more, glancing around at the unfamiliar faces around us. I could only see a few younger faces among the adult ones, but I still didn’t feel out of place at all. “We could’ve just celebrated by joining some college parties for after exams.”

“No. Nope—” he shook his head. “We are not only here for that simple reason. Besides, you always say no for college parties.”

“So?” I raised my eyebrows, questioning him. Yet he only wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me in towards the bar.

“Let’s have a drink first and chat, shall we?”

I let him find a seat for us and order my drinks for me since it would be the first time I had drinks outside of dorms. I took a sip of the liquor and sighed. “This is really nice,” I said mostly to myself as I took in the sight of the pub, the people that were enjoying their time there without creating any ruckus. I could never understand how anyone was able to enjoy being in parties with extremely loud music when such a calm vibe was much more comfortable to be in.

My eyes landed at Taehyung, who had his eyes on me while he kept a smug smile on his face. “Mind telling me what’s going on?” I asked him, and he only smacked his lips.

“Alright,” he nodded. “So what do you think of this place?”

“It’s really nice,” I shrugged. “Thank you for finding this place, Taehyung. You were right, I feel like I can come back here anytime I want now to avoid loud parties and college crowds—,”

—and perhaps all the other possibilities that I wanted to avoid.

“Good,” he said, lifting his glass on the air which I mirrored so we could have a simple toast. “Here’s to finding a new place where you and I can hang out and get drunk without worrying too much—” he said as our glasses touched, “—and for you to finally find the man of your dreams—literally—and prove that he is somewhat real.”

I nearly resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “Oh yes, that one does need a celebration,” I laughed with him before taking a sip of my drink and placed the glass on the table.

“So how was it? You know, meeting Jimin?” He asked, crossing his arms on the table so he could lean closer to speak to me.

I sighed. “We haven’t been hanging out much. After the day I met him at the park he has been coming by to visit me after classes for a few times. We—uhm, had lunch together a few days ago—” I stopped myself to cover my face with one of my hand while Taehyung grinned widely at me. “Okay, but—do we really have to make this a big deal?”

He gave me a dramatic sigh, his lips formed into a tight line as if he was trying his best not to mock me.

“Yes, we do. Do you want to know why? Because we have been trying to figure out who this guy is and if he has anything to do with everything that’s going on with you. And we weren’t expecting to see him so soon since you told me he would only come to the campus for its annual events.”

“Yeah—Who knew that he is also a student.” I frowned. I couldn’t stop but wonder, “Does that mean everything else is actually changing? Not only me?”

He shrugged. “Haven’t you guys talked about it?”

I knitted my eyebrows and glared at him. “And how the hell am I supposed to do that? Should I just come up to him and say— Hi, you know, I believe we have met in our past lives and you weren’t supposed to be here. What changed?”

He grinned. “Yeah, probably not that,” he chuckled. “But has he made any move yet? Like, ask you out on a date, or something like that? Or at least give you a sign of interest? You might be able to find out whether he is the same Jimin you were supposed to meet in the future or if your leap had messed up other people’s storyline and had also twisted his in the making.”

“He asked me to meet him over coffee a few times, but—exams happened.” I looked at him to see his reaction and I gnawed at my lower lip when he glared at me.

“Don’t you dare use your exams as an excuse. Tell him you are going.”

I bit my lip. “I think it can wait.”

He exhaled a frustrated sigh. “You have been searching for him for so long. What else are you waiting for?”

“I—” I stopped myself when I couldn’t find an answer. But he already knew why. I was afraid. I still couldn’t figure out what it was that I was afraid of. I was probably afraid of knowing the truth about my circumstances, or afraid that I might have gone through this whole thing for nothing because my future might end up just the same. Or perhaps worse. “I don’t know.”

He nodded and reached out his hand across the table. “Give me your phone.”

“Why?”

“I’m going to text him and give him an answer for that coffee date offer,” he said with his hand still held out at me. “You do have his number, don’t you? Now give me.”

“No way,” I yelped, leaning back in my seat to avoid him. “I can text him myself, thank you. And it’s not a date offer, just some spare time to have some conversation over coffee.”

“Then just do it, whatever it is called. Text him now and ask him to meet you. Stop running away before you regret it,” he said as he pulled his hand away. Although he was still leaning forward. “He might not be the same person as the man you knew in your previous life or the one you’ve been seeing in your dreams. He might not know that you guys have ever met at all. But you need to know what happened, and why he is the one that you cried for when you sleep. Even if everything is different, the way you met him is just the same, isn’t it?”

“What do you mean?”

He pursed his lips. “In both your previous life and this one, you met him because of your condition. Your illness. Is it not? You wouldn’t even have met him yet if it wasn’t because you got sick that day.”

He was right. And that gave me enough reason to reach into my pocket and pull out my phone to contact him. I stared at the phone and contemplated for a brief while, trying to find the best way to ask him to meet up without making him feel intimidated, before I finally started typing the text.

[10.48 PM] To Jimin: Can I still take on your offer for grabbing that coffee with you?

I hovered my thumb right on the send button, only pressing it after taking a few quick deep breaths. “There. I texted him.”

“Let me see,” he said curiously, and I turned the phone in my hand so he could see the words. “Good,” he said while reading the words. “That sounds pretty—innocent.”

“Are you sure that’s okay?” I pulled my hand back and placed the phone on the table. “He might not answer. It’s pretty late anyway,” I told him. Yet I still kept my eyes locked on the phone screen, expecting it to show some notification or sorts.

Taehyung smacked his lips and shrugged, picking his glass up to drink. “Yeah, he either be sleeping or in the middle of a party and having fun without you since it takes you so long to show him any interests.”

I pouted at him, and was ready to throw him the most appropriate response to wipe his annoying grin away when the screen of my phone suddenly lighted up.

[10.50 PM] From Jimin: Finally :) Sadly, I’m at Busan right now

[10.51 PM] From Jimin: But I still want to take you to grab that coffee once I get back. Will you be free two days from now?

I looked up at Taehyung and we exchanged mirroring grins as we read the message together. He gave out a light chuckle when I immediately take the phone away and replied.

[10.55 PM] To Jimin: Sounds good. See you in two days.

“Done.” I nodded, proudly showing the phone at Taehyung before shoving it back in my pocket. “Are you happy?”

“Absolutely—” he said, and he continued chuckling when he later said, “—but I think you are much happier than I do now.”

I scowled at him and turned my head to look away. Rather than happy, I was feeling more relieved. But I could not let him know that. He followed my gaze and his eyes fell on the jukebox across the room. The old device was playing some random tunes that had everyone dancing to.

“Wanna dance?” he offered. “I wonder if it has that old song we danced to back at our school prom.”

I smiled at the mention of our school prom. We had decided to just stay at my home during prom night, deciding that it would be better for us to do an all-night movie marathon since neither of us had prom dates to go with. But then my parents caught us during preparations—as I was making popcorns while Taehyung came in with a whole box of DVDs—and forcefully dragged us to dress up and made us go to prom together.

The night had turned up amazingly delightful in the end. We both had fun together and had made a lot of good memories as we danced as partners—or, well, more like goofed around on the dance floor as we flailed around to the beat of the music.

I watched him as he walked across the dance floor and stood before the jukebox. He looked down on it before he tried to put in a coin and I watched as the machine lighted up—which he celebrated by throwing his arms up in the air. He took his time to find the song that he wanted. He had a huge grin on his face when he found it, taking no time at all to enter the song choice before it blasted through the speakers. I laughed aloud as he waved at me, asking me to join him for a dance as the song was playing.

I took both his hands in mine and he started moving around, guiding me to follow him dancing in clumsy steps, which I had no other choice but to follow along without being able to stop laughing. He seemed to be enjoying himself too, apparently, as he started to hum and sing along, “—and you will find me~ Time after time—”

We kept dancing to the music, until the song changed into another slower one which was chosen by another patron. He pulled me closer for a slow dance, and looked down to stare into my eyes, giving me the kind of look which I recognised as the one he would always give me before he would share his curiosity. Or to ask me something important. It turned out to be the latter.

“What is it?” I asked him.

He sunk his teeth in his bottom lips. Whatever it was that he wanted to know about must have been bothering him a lot, and I started wondering what it was. So I just gave him a smile to encourage him, letting him know that it would be alright to ask me if he really needed to. And he finally did.

“I have been wondering about one thing for so long. You told me about what you remembered from your past life, your struggles from that other life. But—Where was I? Why was I not there to protect you when your marriage fell apart? And where was I when you were fighting for your life?”

I fell silent. Images of myself crying, of Taehyung shouting in rage, and him standing at the corner of a room, wearing a suit and with a fit of evident anger plastered all over his face. All the memory was followed by images of me watching his back as he walked away with his shoulders hanging low with a broken heart.

I took a deep breath, before I had to share him one part of my memory that I had not yet opened. Not to him, and not even to myself, for it was the one that had given me the most painful wound of all.

—First life. ______’s flat, year 2018—

“What?” Jungkook stood in front of me. His body was tensed, his chest rises and fell rapidly as he tried to calm his rage. “What did you say?”

“I’m pregnant, Jungkook,” I replied. I was able to speak without the same shaky breaths I had earlier when I first started this conversation.

“A—are you sure?” He stammered and I could see how he was clenching his hands on his sides.

I hesitantly nodded. I had predicted that the news would put him into a state of shock—as it did to me when I first found out myself—yet I was not ready to face this side of him. “I’m almost two months late, and—”

“But—but you missed your period once, so it could be a mistake, right?”

I shook my head. “This is different. I already had myself tested a couple of times to make sure.”

He flopped down on the couch, rubbing his face with his palms while letting out a groan in disbelief. “This can’t be happening. You can’t be pregnant.”

“Jungkook, I—”

“Is it mine?” He asked me, looking adamant as he said them out loud.

I gasped at his words, completely dumbfounded. “What? Of course, it is, what the hell are you implying?”

“I’m just saying, that maybe you made a mistake—”

“Oh yeah? What kind of mistake, Jungkook? Seriously, what are you trying to say to me?” I was fuming. How could he said such a thing when I was already stressing out over the fact that I was bearing a growing human being inside me.

He opened his lips to speak and stammered for a bit. His face was red with anger, bewildered at the whole situation. But what he said next was the one that hurt me most. “Are you sure that it’s mine? Who knows—it might belong to that guy Taehyung you always spend time with behind my back.”

“What? You—” I felt my face burning up with anger, my heart shattering apart with his accusation. “I can’t fucking believe you. Taehyung is my friend, my best friend. And you are the only one I’ve been with. I have never—in my whole fucking life—would ever go behind your back like that. What the fuck do you take me for?”

“I—I’m sorry, ______. I—”

I was too angry to give him a chance to say anything. All I wanted was to slap his face from what he had dared to say to me. “You know what? Fuck you, Jungkook. If you really can’t take this reality and if you don’t want to admit this baby that much, then you should just go.”

“______—”

“No, I get it. I understand that this is too much to handle and totally unexpected. I get that you are afraid, but so am I. And for you to look at me on that kind of light and accuse me of such a horrible thing isn’t going to erase this baby, or change the fact that this baby exists. And acting this way or thinking of me doing something so low is certainly not going to fix everything or make it go away!”

I already knew how unstable my emotions would be, and I had never in my life lashed out at him the way I did. But the pain was too much. “This is really happening, Jungkook. This baby is real, and it is yours. And if you can’t man up to deal with this, then I suggest you get the fuck out of my face and out of my life!”

I was hurting by my own words, mentally begging that he would acknowledge this tiny living being growing inside me. I thought he loved me enough to accept all of this. I thought he was man enough to take responsibility.

But he didn’t.

He only fell silent, keeping his eyes on the floor as he contemplated on his next step. All I could do was wait. Hoping that he would make up his mind and prove to me that I was important enough for him to fight for. But then he suddenly stood up, lifted his eyes to look at me with an unreadable glint in his eyes. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but no words came out. We only stood there for a while, exchanging glances in silence, before he finally closed his lips and turned around with clenched fists, making his way to the front door.

I watched him as he opened the door silently and walked out of my room. The reality only hit me moments later when he shut the door behind him without ever turning back to look at me, leaving me to stand there all alone in the middle of my flat.

“This is where you’ve been for the entire week?”

A deep voice woke me up. It sounded terribly loud after a whole week of being accompanied only by silence since the day Jungkook broke me apart. I was extremely tired. My eyes were heavy with sleep and dried tears. I had lost track of time and lost count of how many times I spent them crying.

It took a lot of effort just to move around on the bed. The mattress was covered with messy sheets that were tangled around my limbs. My whole body was rigid, every part of me was aching when I tried to move. Not to mention that my head was also in pain, either from lying on the bed for too long and being awakened too suddenly. I could not even deal with the bright light that had overcome the bedroom that had been dark the whole time I was hiding myself from the world outside.

“What the fuck—” I cursed under my breath, lifting my hand to cover my eyes from the blinding light. There was a reason why I kept my room dark, and whoever had woken me up from my long sleep had signed his death threat by turning all the lights on.

“I’m the one who should be saying that,” my intruder spoke again. His face finally showed up as my sight came clearer.

“Taehyung—?”

He was busy looking around with a face filled with anger and disgust when I called him, and he kept the same glare in his eyes the moment he turned to look at me. “Do you know how worried I have been? I haven’t heard from you for a whole week. I couldn’t find you anywhere, and you never answer my calls or give me any signal of life when I knock on your door,” he ranted, walking over to the bed while lifting his long legs high up to avoid the pile of trash and dirty clothes that were spread on the floor. “God, this place looks like a pigpen,” he muttered, before turning to look at me as he sat on the side of the bed.

“Did something happen?” he asked me with a much softer voice when I have yet to answer him. “Are you sick? Why didn’t you call me and ask me to come here so I could—”

“Tae—” I cut him off with a croaked voice. I felt all broken inside, and the shattered pieces inside me started to reveal themselves as the rest of my drowsiness slowly being lifted away from me. “Why—um, how did you get in?” I managed to speak, pushing away the urge to cry—even when all I wanted to do was to jump up and hug him tight.

He only frowned at me, pushing his anger away with a sigh and replacing them with concern. “I went to find your ex-roommate. She still kept a spare key, so I just let myself in since I have no idea where else to look for you.”

He fell silent for a while and I had to look away. I knew how easy it had always been for him to read me.

“Are you okay?”

I refrained myself from shaking my head. I didn’t need him questioning me or asking me anything I certainly did not want to talk about. I just wanted everything to go away and to be left alone. But I knew it would be hard to kick him out when I was so weak, so I nodded my head. “I’m fine.”

He knew I was lying, yet he said nothing about it. He reached over to me and ruffled my messy hair. “Look, I got you some food. Go ahead and clean yourself up so we can eat together. I will stay and help you clean this dump later, okay?”

“Okay—” I answered with a sigh. He reached out to help me up, which I gladly took only because I had no energy left to push myself from the bed on my own.

I even had to walk to the bathroom with his help, and he only left me alone then. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, finding the evidence of my broken heart and my misery on my hair and face. I already felt too numb to cry, and was able to clean myself up. As I stood under the running water, as I washed away the remnants of makeup I never bothered to clean and the grease that was covering my messy hair, I kept wishing that the pain would be washed away down the drain, along with all the dirt that had soiled my body.

I left the bathroom after I felt refreshed and decent enough to present myself to Taehyung. Parts of my room had already been cleaned out by then. Not a single empty box of takeouts and leftover meals is seen on the floor, no more tissues—the ones which I had tossed away after hours of weeping and crying—and not even a glimpse of my dirty clothes being discarded on the corners of my room.

Taehyung was waiting for me in the living room, sitting calmly on the sofa with food and cold drinks all set on the coffee table, and a warm blanket on his lap. He had his eyes on the phone as he waited for me, and only raised his face to look at me when I stepped into the room.

“Now you look better. Less like death,” he chuckled, with a warm smile showing on his face. “Feel any better after that shower?”

I shrugged. “Kind of—”

He only nodded to refrain himself from asking anything else. “Come sit down and eat. From the looks of your trash I know you haven’t had any decent meal lately,” he said, padding on the sofa next to him.

I sat without saying anything and only watched as he put some food on a clean plate while murmuring, “I bought this from that new place you wanted to go to. I already guessed that you’ve probably been skipping meals since I’ve never seen you around the cafeteria lately. I haven’t even seen you attending any of your classes either, so I figured you must have been eating junks. You really got me worried, you know.”

“I’m sorry—” I whispered, feeling guilty all of a sudden. I had never expected that I would have anyone searching for me, when the only one I wanted to care never even once did. “—for making you worried. I didn’t mean to—”

“Shh—talk later. Eat first,” he said, shoving the plate onto my waiting palms before reaching for another plate to set his own meal.

I stared at the food I held in my hands silently, having no appetite whatsoever and feeling my nausea slowly coming back to me at the scent of food. I took a deep breath and pushed them away, reminding myself that I wouldn’t be the only one suffering if I keep neglecting on feeding myself. So I reluctantly took the first bite with that thought alone.

“Is it good?” Taehyung asked me, smiling proudly when he noticed.

“Yeah, it is,” I answered him once I managed to swallow the food I had just forcefully shoved in my mouth. My throat was in pain as the food past through, as if I was eating a piece of rock. But I tried my best to hide it. “Thank you, Tae.”

We ate in silence. I knew he had a lot of questions and I silently thank him for choosing to wait before asking me. I tried my best to focus on shoving the food into my mouth, when he finally couldn’t find it in him to wait any longer.

“What did he do this time?”

I stopped everything I was doing. I probably even stopped breathing when I heard him. I turned to look at him only to find that he was already staring at me with a deep, concerned gaze.

“What did you say?”

He licked his lips, taking a deep breath before asking me again, “When I was looking for you, I couldn’t get a hold on Jungkook too. So I figured whatever this is, it has something to do with him. Am I right? What did Jungkook do this time?”

The moment I heard his name, I could feel my chest tightening. My heart was close to breaking apart again and everything started spinning. I leapt to my own two feet the moment I felt my nausea folding in my stomach and I was so close to exploding. “I’m sorry—” I mumbled, covering my mouth with my hand and ran as fast as I could to the bathroom.

I was hunched on the toilet sink, emptying the content of my stomach when I heard him coming. I could not look at him. Too ashamed for being seen this way. Although even as I was cleaning up my mess, I could feel his eyes locked towards me, his deep gaze emitting his anger like never before.

“_____— Tell me what’s going on.”

“Taehyung—”

He kneeled next to me to hand me a glass of water. It was then when I finally looked up to him. I took a gulp of the water and tried my best to control my breath. But the moment the pain I had in my stomach dissipated, I crumbled in tears as the pain in my heart erupted.

“______, are you—? You can’t be—”

I felt my tears falling down on my face and I did nothing to stop it. I kept my eyes locked my own two shaking hands as I answered him between my wailings, “I thought that we—We did our best to be safe. We used protections, I took pills. I don’t know how we became reckless, how—it was only one time, Taehyung. We were careless for only once—”

“______,” he reached out to hold my shoulders when my body started shaking, when I became a sobbing mess in front of him.

“I’m scared. I don’t know what to do—” I held on tighter on the glass in my hand while I could feel his hand holding me tighter as I continued, “I told him about it and he left. He left me, Tae. He left me because of this baby.”

01.08 AM

I looked over at the clock on the wall to see the time. I wrapped my arms around my chest as I paced around the living room, feeling more anxious each time I noticed how much time had passed. It had been 6 hours since Taehyung ran off from my flat, fuming with anger after I told him everything.

“I’m going to kill him. I’m going to fucking kill him and I won’t stop even if he begs me for his life,” he swore to me as he stormed out. And now I felt nothing more than worry, afraid that something bad would happen to either of them. I kept praying that they wouldn’t meet each other, and prayed that they would both be safe.

I turned to reach for my phone for the umpteenth time to try and contact Taehyung. He had been avoiding my calls, and no one I had called knew where he went. I was focusing on calling him when I heard someone knocking on the door so loud right when my phone call was getting through.

“Taehyung?” I called out, shutting off the phone before throwing it away as I ran to the door.

But the moment I opened them, it was not Taehyung’s face that I was met with.

“Jungkook—”

My heart skipped a beat the moment I saw him standing there, hunching forward with his hands holding tight onto the door frame, his chest heaving for air as if he had been running all the way here. He raised his head and looked at me the moment he heard my voice.

“Oh my God—” I gasped at the sight of his face. He looked pale and disoriented, his eyes were red with tears and there was a cut at the corner of his swollen lips. “What happened—”

“I—Can I come in?” He said with a broken voice. His eyes shook in fear and shame that he couldn’t look at me more than a few seconds. I said nothing as I moved aside to let him in.

“Let me get something for that wound,” I said, immediately turning on my heels to head into the kitchen after I shut the door behind us. But he immediately stopped me with his arm blocking my path.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine,” he said, turning to face me. He looked hesitant for a brief moment and looked away. “Can we please talk for a moment?”

I bit my lower lip. My tears were already threatening to fall at the feeling of his warmth and the scent of his cologne, and I instinctively moved backwards to create distance between us.

“Go ahead, talk,” I answered firmly, crossing my arms over my chest as a shield to protect me from his touch. He looked disappointed at my cold demeanour. Little did he know that I was doing it solely to keep myself from crumbling in front of him.

He sighed. He let his head bent down before he spoke, but kept his arms holding my shoulders, keeping me from running or from pushing him away.

“I’m so sorry. I am sorry for being such an idiot. I shouldn’t have walked away,” he pleaded. His voice was shaking and his grip on me tightened. He lifted his face to look straight into my eyes as he continued his plea, “I was scared. I didn’t know how to react and I didn’t know how to face you so I kept on running and avoiding you. But it was wrong. I was wrong. I was supposed to be here with you. Please forgive me, ______.”

I let my tears fall over my face when I saw him shedding his tears. I could see his pain through his eyes, but I still felt my anger building inside me. “I am scared too, Jungkook. Terrified, even. Neither of us is ready for this, but this is really happening and I don’t know what to do. The minute you walked away, I—” I stopped to take a deep breath. “—I started to beg for it to go away. I kept thinking, that I don’t want it anymore. I don’t want this, I want it to go away.”

“No, don’t say that. I’m sorry, it’s all my fault.” He pulled me into a hug and his warmth instantly stopped me from sobbing. It was the only thing that I needed all along. His comfort. His support. Him being with me to help me deal with this huge part of my life, of our life. “I was a coward, but I’m here now. I just needed time to clear my mind and get rid of the fear. I know it took me too long, but I’m here.” He pulled away to stare into my eyes with the kind of look that had always earned my trust. “We’ll get through this together. I promise.”

“Promise me you won’t leave me again?”

“I would never,” he said, pressing our foreheads together. I saw his eyes flickered from my eyes and to my lips. “I promise.” And with those words, he leaned down to press his lips on mine. Every worry I had since he left that day started fading away from me. I could feel every bit of my pain being lifted away through his kiss, which stopped abruptly when he let out a hiss.

I opened my eyes and saw him gritting his teeth and pressing his finger on the cut he had on his lip. “Oh—I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

“No, it’s okay. I completely forgot about it—”

“Who gave you this cut? What happened?” I hovered my finger over the cut, only pulling back when he suddenly flinched at the slightest touch.

He licked the cut and looked down in shame. “Your best friend did.”

“Taehyung?” I stared at him with wide eyes, and he nodded.

“He came to find me and landed a punch the minute he saw me—”

I gasped. “My God—I’m so sorry. He was here, and he got angry when he found out. I tried to stop him, but—”

“I deserved it.” He cut me off, and once again looked into my eyes with such a deep gaze. Showing me his remorse as he did so. “I deserve every pain for each one that I gave you.”

I shook my head. “No, you don’t have to—”

“I love you.”

His words caught me off guard. I would be lying if I said that I haven’t been waiting for him to say those words to me. “What are you—” my voice was caught up in my throat. “Jungkook, I—”

“I love you. I’m sorry that I’ve never said this because I’ve been afraid of what I feel for you. I’m in love with you, _____. And it scares the hell out of me, I just—” he shook his head. “I never felt this before and I was overwhelmed, then when I found out that we are having a baby, it was too much for me to handle. I should’ve faced them instead of running away. I’m—”

I cut him off by leaning forward and kiss his lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck to keep me from falling as I deepened the kiss, wanting to feel that love he said he had for me and to let him feel mine. He froze for a while, but he finally relaxed and returned my kiss.

We were both out of breath and completely shaken for the overwhelming feeling inside our chests, both of us were left staring at each other once I pulled away only to answer him, “I love you too.”

The smile he gave me right after and the butterflies in my heart made me believe that everything would be alright.

It took me another two days before I returned to campus. My body has not yet recovered or gained my energy back, and I was still having uncontrollable morning sickness even after I made up with Jungkook. I tried my best to catch up with the classes I had missed, and all the meals I had skipped.

“Good to see you eating well,” my classmate, Sora, spoke to me as she watched me shoving another spoonful of food into my mouth. We sat together in the cafeteria right after our last class, but it was already the third meal I had for the day.

“I didn’t know you cared for me that much,” I snickered as I taunted her, earning her to stick out her tongue at me.

“I’m not the only one, you know. Everyone’s been wondering where you’ve been. You never skip class even if you have the worst hangover in the morning.”

I finished the food in front of me and let out a long sigh. My stomach was full, but I was happy about it. “I needed a break. Sorry for making you worry—and thanks for showing your love to me through the five missed calls you left me each day,” I teased her with a wink.

She scoffed. “Glad to know you have your wits back,” she laughed with me over her own words. “But it really is good to see you back. I guess that break helps you a lot with the heartbreak, huh?”

I froze. “What do you mean?”

She shrugged. “Isn’t that why you disappeared? I kind of already guessed that you would probably need some time away before coming back after you broke up with Jungkook.”

“What?” I chuckled nervously. I tried to tell myself that it might be a misunderstanding but something in the back of my mind kept telling me that there was something else hidden in her words. “What makes you think I broke up with him?”

I kept my eyes staring at her with knitted eyebrows, while she looked at me with a hesitant stare. She placed her drink in her hand on the table as she spoke to me softly, “Well, it’s the only thing that came into my mind since you were nowhere to be seen, while I kept seeing Jungkook—”

The words that left her lips right after became faint and distant as my senses were clouded by the sound of my thumping heart, and as I felt myself shattering into pieces once again. I gripped tightly onto the table while denying her words.

“—he’s been hanging out in the frat gatherings and dorm parties, and he was never alone.”

The words kept echoing inside my head for the rest of the day, and it rang louder as I took long strides towards the boys’ dorm building across the campus vicinity. I spent hours trying to find out if there would be any party being held this week and I was fortunate enough to find out that there was one being held tonight. I spent those hours convincing myself that Sora’s words weren’t true, that she might have mistaken him for someone else.

[08.11 PM] From Sora: The south side building, fifth floor. Please be careful, _____. Call me if you need anything.

[08.12 PM] From Sora: I’m so sorry.

I took another glance at the text message I had received from her two hours ago. I needed time before I managed to gain the courage to walk all the way here from my flat. My heart pounded continuously with each step I took on the mildly humid road. I stopped in front of the building once I got there, and looked up to the floor where I needed to go to.

This is it. You’re here, I told myself. Whatever you find later, please don’t fall apart. Not now.

I reached down to stroke my sweaty palm over my lower stomach, taking a deep breath while closing my eyes. The thought of the baby inside me gave me the courage to finally step forward to enter the building.

The faint sound of the music from upstairs resonated through the walls and floors the minute I walked past the lobby, and the beat from the party vibrated around me as I entered the elevator. I felt grateful for how slow the elevator moved upwards before reaching the designated floor, as it had given me more time to prepare myself before I had to face whatever truth waiting for me.

My legs were practically shaking as I stepped out of the elevator when I reached the fifth floor. My whole body was shivering from the cold that had been building up from my own anxiety, but I tried my best to fight them off by keeping my breath steady. Everyone was busy chatting with each other or dancing to the music, some were already busy making out on the hallway, and I kept my eyes on each one that I passed by to make sure neither of them was him. I paid close attention to everyone as I walked past them while they practically ignored my presence, and I kept on walking, looking into each of the rooms I passed by to look for him.

Until I finally found him.

I lost every sense and lost control of my own body the minute I saw him inside one of the rooms. There were other people in the room enjoying the party, but my eyes were locked on nothing else but him. I could no longer feel my own two legs and it was as if they moved on their own to walk over to him.

He was there, sitting on the couch in the corner of the room, holding a plastic cup on one of his hand, while his other arm rested on the back of the couch. He was not alone. My eyes turned to follow his gaze that was locked on the girl sitting next to him, and I kept watching her as she leaned forward, resting her hand on his thigh. I was still watching them closely when her hand kept moving upwards, when she leaned in to plant her kisses on his neck, when he smiled widely with his eyes closed tight.

And that was when I lost it.

“Jungkook! What the fuck is this?”

The music was loud enough to drown my voice, but I probably had unknowingly screamed to the top of my lungs since he immediately opened his eyes and looked at me. The look on his face changed instantly as he caught the sight of me standing there and he stared at me with wide eyes. “______,” he gasped, pushing the girl away and tried to stand on his feet.

“Jungkook, why?” I was emotionally unstable thanks to my pregnancy alone, and the sight I had just witnessed had made the dam inside me broke apart. I was too angry and too hurt to care about holding back the tears that came flowing through my eyes. “So this is how you clear your mind? This is where you’ve been when you were being scared?”

“No, ____. Please listen to me, it’s not what you think—”

But I was too fed up to listen. Too hurt to keep staring at his face and to stay in that room any longer. I turned around to quickly walk out of the room and rushed towards the elevator, practically running and pushing everyone that was blocking my way.

I could hear him following me behind and begging me to stop. I pressed the button calling for the elevator to come up, but thanks to fate, it was still held on the main floor and he was coming to me faster.

“Will you please stop and listen—” he screamed at me while pulling me back to him, making me turn abruptly to face him and let him, only so he could see my pain. I saw him breaking apart the minute he looked into my eyes and saw my tears, and I could hear him mumbled, “Oh my God. _____, I’m so sorry—,” under his breath.

“Sorry? Sorry for what? For being caught?” I screamed at him through my desperate sobs. “Fuck you, Jungkook. I trusted you. You never loved me, you liar!” I pushed him away and turned to run towards the stairway.

He ran after me, chasing right behind while begging me to forgive him and swore through his breath, “—I never lied to you. Please stop running, you will hurt yourself and the baby—”

I was able to run past through the door to reach the stairs and he was able to catch up to me as I reached the landing. “Please, _____. I beg you, please wait and listen—” he managed to get a hold of my arm and tried to pull me back.

“No! Let me go!” I turned to push him away. But his body was stronger. So much stronger that he would not budge no matter how hard I had pushed him. And I was pushed away from him instead.

I was still too weak to hold on or to stop it.

I already had one leg over the edge of the landing and I lost all balance when I pulled my arm away from him. “No!” he screamed out as he tried to reach out to me when I started to fall back.

But alcohol had made him slow, and gravity was faster.

His face and his wide eyes were the only two things I saw as I was being pulled back down for a long fall and an endless pain.

—Present life. Blue Smoker’s Pub, year 2016—

The music from the old jukebox was still faintly heard as we stood in the middle of the dance floor.

But we were no longer dancing.

We stood there together, holding each other in a deep, tight hug. My body was shaking from crying, as the pain in my heart took over and my head was throbbing in pain from recollecting the painful memory. My tears were running down like a stream, my soft sobs and wails were muffled as I buried my face on his shoulder. Meanwhile, I could feel Taehyung shaking so hard from anger.

Neither of us spoke for a few moments as I let my emotion came flowing out of me, as he let everything to sink in.

“If one day he appears before you. No matter what you do. Run.” He finally spoke in a low voice, gritting his teeth of anger. “And if you lose any will to do it, when you feel like you are ready to crumble and give in to him as you did in your past life, call for me or run to me. And I will take you away from him as fast as I could, and as far away that he could never find you again. Promise?”

I let out another sob. I could feel another kind of pain appearing in my heart, not only from the dark memory but the fact that I had to let him go. That I had to imagine myself forever be separated from Jeon Jungkook.

“I promise.”

a/n: update- re-edited by author 14.11.2018

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Thank you so much for reading the series and for the continuous support. I would feel most grateful for any kind of appreciation sent through my ko-fi page!^^

Disclaimer: All works are written by myself. Any copyright infringement, reposting on any other social media or website, and any act of plagiarism will be dealt with legal action