#because the way they speak to strangers on the internet does imply they are pretty much universally ignored when they try to

[shinesurge]

posting on the internet is so fun because you'll say something like "hey! when it rains the earth becomes damp and fragrant" and eventually a guy will materialize in your replies to say "if only....all those fuckign Women And DISGUSTING Communists i must endure would get damp am i right. am i right. why did you block me op."

[laundryandtaxes]

healthliberationnow (.) com/2022/04/02/leaked-audio-confirms-genspect-director-as-anti-trans-conversion-therapist-targeting-youth/ how do you reconcile this when listening? I feel like there’s nowhere for me to go as someone who doesn’t think my dysphoria is proof of an innate gender identity but also doesn’t support debunked pseudoscience used to hurt people like AGP/ROGD. I feel really hopeless.

I think there's very little basis for tossing AGP and ROGD as concepts into the junk bin as "debunked pseudoscience," though I think the place of each in the discussions is unnecessarily and suspiciously large in a way that does imply really troubling things to me- a baseline discomfort with male gender nonconformity on the one hand such that any interaction between a person's sexual orientation and their day to day behavior is cast not just as fetishim but a violent fetishism even though both heterosexual and homosexual people's daily behavior is obviously impacted by their sexual orientation, and a baseline discomfort on the other with the question of why children who are NOT easily sorted into the easy peasy ROGD category, who were very gender nonconforming children who are likely to grow into very gender nonconforming adults, would be so uncomfortable in their bodies that they would be dreaming of not having them. To be clear, I think we probably agree that the terms are not "scientific;" that is to say, I don't think they speak to some natural, non-social truth. I think they are terms (frankly, like "gender dysphoria") that human beings invented to describe human phenomena that are experienced by real human beings in ways that the affected will tell you deeply impact their lives, and that they create frameworks that prove themselves very useful for understanding those phenomena. For ROGD in particular, I think people who find it to be an offensive proposition that teenaged girls would spread a form of expressing emotional distress among themselves need to explain why they find that proposition offensive in and of itself because I've seen absolutely 0 good reasons to make that jump myself, and secondly they need to offer up their alternative explanation for the rapid rise in non-female identification among girls and young women, and in order for me to find that alternative explanation as compelling it would need to account for things ROGD accounts for like social pressure to be associated with marginalized people, and the outright swap from mostly male to mostly female patients in gender clinics, and the phenomenon of entire friend groups identifying as nonbinary one by one.

As for Stella O'Malley's opposition to pediatric medical transition, firstly it doesn't bother me because I share it, but secondly it's not anything close to a secret that she generally opposes the medicalization of gendered distress in children. I am pretty sure it's why the podcast began. But even if I had really major reservations about that, I would very possibly still really enjoy the podcast, because a podcast is not "a place for me to go," it's a piece of media in which ideas that I personally find very interesting and meaningful and relevant are discussed. And I think that parasocial relationships and the cultural acceptance of them have helped to land us culturally where we are right now, where we can't even ask questions or discuss these things in public without being shouted down by people who don't even bother to offer up their own ideas. I really really enjoy the podcast, and I have some admiration for Sasha in particular, but I don't have a personal relationship with either person, I enjoy the thing they created because I find the discussions interesting and I regularly find myself in disagreement and agreement with these two women, who are perfect strangers to me. I am also a firearms enthusiast and I regularly watch videos or take classes or passingly discuss hobbies with on the internet people whose opinions on any number of things I would likely find absolutely abhorrent if I approached every interaction like an interaction with my best friend in the whole world.

[miraculousfrenchculture]

Hello again!

I will understand if you do not answer the question. But if you can / want, tell me, please: to immerse yourself in the world of characters, I studied on the Internet how people in France address strangers. Like "ladies and gentlemen" and found information that in France it would be a "Monsieur" for a boy. But for a girl there are options for "Milady" and "Madam", depending on age and marriage. In the same article, it was written that in France women oppose such a division and demand to use one word "madam" for everyone without exception. This is true? Wouldn't it really look silly if you refer to all girls and women, for example, in the comic "Madame"? I'm a little confused as the series is set these days, but the students are referred to as "Milady." I create fan art and would be happy to support women, not offend them because of an incorrectly written article on the Internet.

I hope my question is not too stupid or inappropriate. Thank you again for your blog!

P.s. Even Google translated the phrase "madam, lady and monsieur" as "madame, madame et monsieur."

Heya!

Your question isn't stupid and is most definitely not inappropriate at all, don't worry! 😄

So basically this is how it is:

Sir: Monsieur

Madam: Madame

Miss: Mademoiselle

A lady: une dame / Lady: Madame

The thing is, "Mademoiselle" is reserved to non-married women or young women. There isn't an equivalent for non-married men.

Before, on administrative papers, there used to be the three options (Monsieur/Madame/Mademoiselle). But since 2012, "mademoiselle" has disappeared from them (through a circular encouraging administrations to prioritise "Madame" and avoid "Mademoiselle"). The problem with it was that it's making assumptions or asking informations on the marital statue of women, while men don't have that.

Now administrative papers aside and at speaking, it's not forbidden per se to call a girl "mademoiselle". Most of young girls won't mind, because "madame" sounds kind of older especially since it's a pretty recent change, and will even find being called "madame" weird. Some will prefer "madame" though because of what "mademoiselle" implies or how it's uneven with men and will correct the person, though most of the times if you want to call a young boy you don't know you'll say "jeune homme" (young man) instead of "monsieur".

Usually, girls older than 30 or even 20 would automatically be called "madame" no matter their marital status, while a girl younger than 20 will very likely be called "mademoiselle". It does happen though that some older women will ask to still be called "mademoiselle" if they aren't married, but it's uncommon.

Small anecdote too: a recurring joke is for people to call old women as "mademoiselle" to make them smile as it's obvious they're not supposed to be referred that way, just like people will call old men "jeune homme" as well!

In the show, you have "Miss Bustier" that the class call "Mademoiselle Bustier" lots of times for instance, but we don't know enough of the character to know why they refer to her like that but we can assume she introduced herself as such at the start of the school year!

Hope it was clear! 😊

[beholdme]

All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 3

Chapters: 3/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can't help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2]

In the following weeks, as he sees Jon a few more times, Gerry's hair fades out and he looks rather more 'forest nymph' than 'American Gothic'.

So it's not much of a shock when the next time Jon catches sight of Gerry striding through the library stacks, his hair has been re-coloured. This time it's a smooth buttery yellow and Jon is struck by how young the warm, bright colour makes him look.

Gerry doesn't feel young though, he feels tired and bored and wrung out, and he wishes he had never agreed to take art commissions.

"It's only the one time!" Gertrude had insisted to a very put upon Gerry, very early in the morning. "And if he puts in a good word for you in his circles, your name will really be on the map in the art world."

Gerry wasn't particularly interested in being put on any maps, or being picked apart by rich, stuck up strangers, but he had agreed to try, mostly because Gertrude had put a lot of effort into making his passion for art an actual career and he felt like he owed her.

(He forgets, frequently, just how much of a commission she takes on the sales of his paintings).

So there he was, striding around the library at 7 am and desperately looking for exactly the right reference book. Unfortunately, it has been out of print for years, and Gerry can't seem to find a copy anywhere that won't cost him half a liver. He has the money now, but he refuses to pay half a month's rent to a second-hand retailer on principle.

Jon watches him skulk around for so long, (apparently forgetting that he is, in fact, a librarian) that Sasha comes out from her desk to ask Gerry if he's looking for something specific. She's wearing her big round glasses today and even indulged herself in her favorite waistcoat to beat the Monday blues.

"Why, yes." At this, Gerry looks directly up at Jon, where he is standing and watching him from the upper balcony level. Jon's face burns, and he ducks out of sight, but not earshot. "I do actually come here to borrow books, not boys." And he smartly feeds her the name of the reference book he has been hunting for almost an hour.

Sasha giggles at his antics, "We do have a copy of that, actually, but it's very popular. There's a waitlist; also it's checked out right now."

Gerry's whole demeanor sags and he sighs in defeat. "Guess I really will just have to order it off the internet, then." He eyes the stacks of books, old and new, looking vaguely betrayed.

"No!" Sasha's exclamation takes everyone a bit aback, being that they are in a library and all. "You know, my mate has this sweet little bookstore, and he loves hunting down rare copies of older books, he might have a copy?" She wrings her hands, eyebrows raised in question.

Gerry beams down at her, causing even stoic Sasha to blush and scurry off to get a piece of paper for the address.

They're already most of the way to the front desk by the time Jon realizes just which bookstore Sasha is busy recommending to the man he is dating , and just who owns that particular establishment.

By the time he manages to get downstairs to try to deflect the situation, Gerry is out the door, nothing left but the faint scent of oil paints and leather from his jacket.

***

Tim Stoker leaves Gerry feeling faintly dazed. By the time he stumbles out of the bookstore and into the tea room, elusive book in hand, he's forgotten everything he has ever known in the face of such intense flirting. And Gerry thought he was bad.

Throughout the whole episode at the library, the walk through Chelsea, and the exchange with Tim, Gerry had never once taken a moment to consider that Sasha's friend with a bookstore and Jon's Martin with a bookstore might be the same person.

He chooses to blame the lack of sleep and general disarray that is his life for the oversight.

Which is how, 9:30 in the morning, having been awake for almost 24 hours and completely finished, Gerry walks up to Martin in his tea room and says, "I'll have whatever is pink and in that jug, please. The biggest you've got."

Martin, of course, recognized him immediately. He would have recognized Jon's gothic childhood boyfriend from his social media stalking alone, but Jon's frantic texting was also a pretty big giveaway.

Martin: Relax, I don't bite clients this early in the morning. He's in safe hands with me.

Jon: HE KNOWS THINGS ABOUT ME. Besides, who's gonna stop him from biting you?

Martin: Whatever he has to tell me can’t possibly be worse than the office gossip I heard about you before we even meet.

Jon: W H A T

Now, here Gerry is before him, and he’s quite pleased with what he sees. Even tired and vaguely dazed, his presence in the little room carries a certain energy that Martin enjoys.

"Right away. Take a seat and I'll call you with it." Martin's voice is sweet, but gentle and firm, in a comforting sort of way. Through Gerry's sleepy haze, the instruction makes perfect sense, although he has neither paid nor offered a call name.

Gerry considers taking a seat on the plush bench that occupies one wall, before deciding that he desperately needs a cigarette, and wandering outside.

Technically he is only supposed to smoke at night when he's painting and needs just the right kind of boost, but he decides to call this one since he's on a painting-based errand when he's supposed to be sleeping.

"Gerry?" He turns toward the sound of his name, to find the barista offering him a large to-go cup of what he assumes is fruit ice tea. He frowns at having his name known (his new, much-preferred name, no less) and then frowns at a blonde, bespectacled man in a tea room attached to a bookstore.

His brain finally takes a moment to function, and he puts all the pieces together in an avalanche.

"Martin?" Far from his usual self-confident tone, the single word comes out in a squeak that would make even a toddler wince.

"Yes?" Martin returns the single word in the same solidly reassuring way, and even offers a happy smile.

"I didn't... I didn't recognize you."

"Would be pretty hard for you, considering this is the first we've ever met." Martin's voice is calming in a way that eases Gerry a bit, teasing and all.

"Thank you. For the tea, I mean." Gerry closes his eyes and desperately begs his shit to pull together for him, just this one time. "It's nice to finally meet you."

His hands are fully occupied with a book, a cup of tea, and a cigarette, but Martin doesn't seem particularly bothered by the lack of a hand to shake. "It's nice to meet you too. We're giving Jon a heart attack by doing it without him."

"That is the lawful good," Gerry says, after a long drag of his smoke. "A panicked Jon is a happy Jon, after all. Whatever would he do with himself without a situation to unnecessarily complicate?"

"Yes, the man does seem to thrive on anxiety, doesn't he?" Martin asks warmly, eyes crinkling around a fond smile. "Speaking of, you seem pretty wrecked yourself. Good party, I hope."

Gerry's answering laugh has a razor edge, "Not hardly. This fucking painting I'm working on will be the death of me." Gerry lifts the reference book as proof of trauma and stabs out his cigarette viciously.

"Hmm, sounds like a pain. I hope you typically find art a more enjoyable career?" Martin asks, tilting his head inquisitively. His curly hair moves fetchingly and Gerry catches himself tracking the movement.

"Mostly, yes. Although I keep the bartending gig for variety. You'd be amazed at the sort of inspiration someone can find in the right drunk crowd." Gerry grins, thinking of all the ridiculous things he’d seen walk in and out of the bar in his run there.

"I'd be very interested to see what kind of art you can turn that into. Maybe you'd like to show me sometime?" Martin's words are open and friendly.

Gerry eyes him for a minute, hiding behind a long taste of his drink. He's trying to suss out Martin's motivations, for his kindness and general geniality. The drink is good and it tips Gerry's mood far enough back into cheerfulness that he shrugs off his considerations for the time being.

"You know what," Gerry quips back. "I think I would like to show you sometime. How 'bout tonight."

It's not a question really, with Gerry's typical force of personality behind it, and he leaves the shop with Martin holding an address in his hand and a time to drag Jon over for dinner that evening.

***

Gerry does not make a big deal of Martin coming over. He acts as if any other friend is coming over for dinner.

He tidies, a little. Lights a few candles. Wears pants. The bare minimum really.

He isn't trying to impress anyone, he tells himself sternly.

Except he is, obviously. He doesn't know Martin very well yet, but he does want to keep Jon around, and they are a packaged deal these days. Which he was happy with, truly.

In their limited interaction, Martin had been sweet and put Gerry instantly at ease. He knows, from many years of working a bar, how to spot a dipshit, and feels confident in his assessment of Martin's character.

But, it's his own character that concerns him. People don't always like Gerry past surface interactions. He can be tempestuous and moody, and catching him tired is a pretty bad idea. The combination of artist and mommy issues can be jarring.

He desperately wants those things to not bother Martin though. He wants Martin to like him, and he's not interested in putting on a show to make it happen.

It occurs to Gerry an hour before they're due that he doesn't even remotely know what takeout to order for dinner.

(He knows what Jon will eat, and he obviously knows what he likes, but what about Martin? Why didn't he ask this morning? Why didn't he ask Jon earlier?)

Gerry is just starting to really panic about all the life choices leading up to this moment, when he gets a text from an unknown number, instantly filling him with relief.

Martin: Since you're hosting this time, I'll grab the take-out. Jon says you like Thai, I'll bring that. You got the drinks covered?

Gerry: As long as you drink either coffee, vodka, or water, yes.

Martin: I'm sorry, I subsist only on the blood of virgins.

Gerry: Oh dear. I couldn't tempt you to settle for Earl Grey?

Martin: Hmmm, yes, I'll accept your offerings this time.

***

The first knock comes right on time. Gerry, dressed in his best paint-stained jeans and cherry blossom kimono, opens the door with a flourish.

Martin allows himself to be welcomed in and hands the food off to the dramatic artist, who deposits it on the table where he has already set the tea tray.

"No Jon? Not that I mind quality ‘us’ time, of course."

Martin is busy taking in the rambling studio space and barely spares the attention to respond, although he manages a blush at the flirty tone. "He's, uh, running late. Work stuff. You know Jon."

Gerry smirks at that. "I do indeed. Is it a 'stumble in at 3am' late, or 'we could probably wait to eat' late?"

"Hmmm? Oh, let's wait a bit? If you don't mind." Martin seems equally taken with his painting wall and his book wall and keeps trading his attention between the two. The paintings, being the larger attraction, eventually win, and he meanders over to study them closer.

"Do you keep all the completed paintings around?" His voice is soft and reverent, and Gerry feels a rush of pride for his work.

"For a while. I like to make sure they're in their final forms before I release them into the wild." Martin blinks big brown eyes at him, before grinning and giggling slightly.

"You're very talented. Jon said as much, showed me the pictures, but words and photos are nothing compared to seeing the real thing." Martin really regards his paintings as if they're special, and rather than the prickly feeling of appraisal he feels during gallery nights, it fills Gerry with warmth.

He turns to examine the wall himself. It's filled with an eclectic group at the moment. Large abstracts made by pouring paint and then layering designs over, three-dimensional pieces painted and then embroidered or quilled over in select places, including a particularly wild eye design. Surreal faces and scenes that seem realistic except for the wild subject matter of planets in meadows and chimeras going to battle.

"Is this what comes from your adventures in bartending?" Martin asks Gerry, turning from the wall and towards the slightly taller man.

"That, and my traumatic childhood." Gerry makes sure to laugh at the last, taking the edge off the small confession.

"Obviously." Martin offers.

"Obviously." Gerry accepts.

***

Gerry and Martin drink tea on the floor while they wait for Jon. Gerry gently prods Martin through the story of how he came to open the bookstore. The blonde man even softly confessing that he had to lie on his CV to get the librarian gig at Magnus.

"How old are you? How did you convince them you had a Master's degree?" Gerry is incredulous. Not that he doesn't think Martin could have an advanced degree. But in paranormal research? Gerry hadn't even known that was an option.

"That's the thing! I'm only 29 now . I worked there for five years!" Martin's voice pitches up in disbelief. "I'm still in shock that anyone ever brought it. Desperate times, desperate measures, you know?"

"I do, actually." Gerry shifts slightly, adjusting his balance with the long remembered urge to flee from those desperate times. He fiddles with his teacup to distract himself. He brought this particular set from a pawn shop because the filigree and florals appealed to his love of colour theory. Soft pinks and corals warm against the cool aqua background.

"Jon says you wanted to go to art school when you two were younger."

It's not a question, but merely Martin offering the same space for openness that Gerry had given him.

"I never went. After my A-levels, I had to get away, and I never really stopped moving for long enough to go to uni when I was younger. Now I'm settled and it's not important to me anymore. Besides, no one asks for a copy of my phantom degree when I sell a painting. So I'm happy with how things turned out for the most part." He stops to consider the outline of a possible past for a moment, one where he didn't have to skip college and go ten years without seeing Jon. "Besides, can you imagine a 27-year-old in art school? The young ones would sacrifice me for more creative talent."

Their eyes meet for a moment, and then they laugh easily and move on to different topics, sliding through the easy stages of getting to know each other.

***

Jon does eventually arrive, looking panicked and harried. He de-ages 10 years when he finds them laughing and relaxed instead of tense and awkward.

So, the three of them eat cold Thai take out on the floor of Gerry's loft, leaning against the perfectly good couch. They share the odd intimacy of people who have known each other for very disjointed amounts of time but like each other just the same.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Okay, here’s a final answer, just for clarification - 

- 

Firstly, please understand that I’m not angry, and I’m not upset. I just tend to speak very matter of factly, I guess? If I seem cold or something when typing this response, it's not a personal attack towards you or some display of aggression, that's just how I word things sometimes, I don't mean for them to be misinterpreted or want you to think I’m like getting mad with you or etc. Me disagreeing does not inherently equal me being mad about something, it merely means that I disagree, which is an emotion neutral action. If someone said 2+2 = 6, I would disagree, and openly so, but that doesn’t mean I’d also be like, crying about it or upset with them or something lol. 

 I actually even stated so at the end of my tags last time - 

 So, I apologize if you interpreted my tone as being mean, but I was simply trying to be firm and direct in how I said things so you understand that it's a very serious matter, and I didn't want to be light about it. 

There was a bit of jokiness/sarcasm/exaggeration as well I suppose, but again, that’s not an inherent indicator of upset, just the way I speak - especially when your question can be seen as rude to begin with (which usually leads people to care less about faking positive emotions or seeming polite to others. If a person is not polite to you, you’re not likely to watch how you communicate as much or attempt to display high politeness back). My default state is a neutral flatness as I have a very shallow emotional range (shout out to schizophrenia spectrum negative symptoms and other various issues lol), any excessive positivity or “perkiness” or something that I display is just an attempt to be polite and communicate with others in a simple and kindly manner (in real life I’m often seen as too stoic, blunt, detached, cold, etc. lmao, so in general communication with strangers I tend to overcompensate to being excessively polite instead) - but that also means I can accidentally drop that sometimes if I’m being “real” or whatever. 

-

Anyway, now that concerns over my tone have hopefully been explained, I’ll address this issue about your previous ask in a numbered list. Please read ALL of this, if you are actually taking this seriously. If you don’t actually read, in detail (no skimming), this entire response, then this is not even a discussion since you’re not willing to genuinely engage in the first place. -  

-

Firstly, here is the original ask, for reference  ----

 As for how your question can be rude: 

(1.) In my initial response (in the tags of your answer), I asserted various things, mostly that the question was rude, and that it’s not appropriate to ask people, for a variety of reasons. I’ll explain those in more length here. 

My main point is that even asking the question in the first place is rude. It doesn’t matter how specifically you word it, it’s not appropriate. Just like any personal issue. At least in my culture, it’s typically thought of as inconsiderate and inappropriate to ask random strangers personal questions. for example, it would be rude to approach a random stranger on the bus that you’ve never even seen before and ask them why the have the haircut they do, who their sexual partners are, if they’ve just had a death in the family, how well their marriage is going, what their gender is, etc. etc. 

-

-

(2.) On top of this personal boundary issue, another concern would be that the nature of the question itself is baseless -- 

Would you ask a cis woman why they're a woman? Or a cis man why he chose to be a man? Would you ask a straight person why they chose to be straight?

Would you find it acceptable and polite if a random stranger approached you on the street and asked you for an explanation as to why you're the gender you are? Imagine that exact scenario happening to you, and if you would find it odd or overstepping boundaries at all.  

I doubt you ask this same gender identity question to everyone in your life, to your parents, friends, the cashier at your grocery store.  Why is it only certain groups that need to explain or justify their identities to you? Only certain groups that you feel the inherent need to question? It's a double standard which further serves to prove the question itself is unnecessary. 

-

-

(3.) Additionally, in case you're genuinely unsure of tone (maybe you have difficulty reading social cues or something, that’s understandable) I will explain - the way in which the question was asked has certain implications. 

The statement “Why are you nonbinary? You seem like a pretty girl to me”, implies that - due to your beliefs about me/how you see me, you find it confusing that I could have a certain identity that you see as not matching your perception of me, or that you see as an invalid label, and are asking for me to justify or explain myself/my identity to you because of that. 

Even if this implied meaning was not intentional, it is what most people will interpret upon reading the question, and would be a commonly held understanding. There are other ways you could have asked the question which would be less condescending, yes, but again, the other points still stand (like that the question in itself is impolite to ask to strangers, etc.)

Again, revisit the imaginary scenario of a stranger approaching you on the street and asking you why you’re the gender you are - would there not be some of this implication present? For example, say you’re a man - would it not feel as if someone were questioning your manhood, or implying you weren’t truly a man, or must not be a man ‘correctly’, or that ‘man’ is not a valid label for how they see you? Why else would they approach you and ask you in confusion for you to justify your identity to them? The implication is that they don’t see you as a valid man, or at least not how they see a man, and thus are having a hard time accepting that someone like YOU could ever be a real man - that it’s hard for them to believe you are what you say you are, because they see you differently.

 -

(3.a)  As an additional sidenote (one which I addressed in the tags replying to you initially), your ask (as well as this more recent one) also made certain assumptions. There are plenty of people who ''look like girls'' or 'look like boys' but aren't as they “seem”, even if you're someone who only believes in a “binary biological sex model” (I’ll include some links at the end about this). It's strange to assume someone's body parts or identity just based off of pictures you see on the internet (which often have specific lighting, angles, or in the case of many people are even edited and etc. I don't do this but it's really common nowadays with phone editing apps and stuff). Just because I appear a certain way to you, in no way implies that I have the physical form and traits you assume I have Consider how you may feel invalidated or uncomfortable if people sent you messages assuming personal things about you that are incorrect or that they have no way to possibly know.

 Your standards and perception are also not universal, various cultures and groups have different ideas about what outward traits would make someone considered a “man” or a “woman”, so making your judgement of someone else’s identity based only on your own (extremely shallow, since it’s only from online pictures) perception of them, is also inherently a bit flawed. 

-

(3.b-ish side tangent) In extension to this, your ideas and how you view me are likely incorrect. Just as it is similarly true that, from afar, any assumptions I make about you would likely be inaccurate as well. We are strangers.

For example, if you really knew me, you would know that I don’t pride myself in costumes and makeup - It’s a fun creative activity for me definitely, but I feel no pride over it, I don’t do it to look good or seem a certain way, and actually I resent it in a way, because often it feels like people mostly only pay attention to blurry pictures of me looking silly in cheap wigs, but don’t give that same level of engagement to the other more important things I do that I personally care about 100x more, like my worldbuilding and other projects lol. Absolutely nothing against the people who like my costumes, I appreciate them of course!!, and I still love doing costumes - BUT, to imply that it’s a primary source of pride in my life or a characteristic that defines me over other things, would be a mischaracterization. 

Anyone who knows me in real life would certainly list a million other stand-out traits to define me, rather than ‘pretty make up woman’ (most people I know in real life would also not describe me as ‘pretty’ or as a ‘woman’, just for reference lol). 

Your one sided perception of me (which I’ll address in the next section) may allow you to have a shallow idea of me as some sweet pretty costume girl or something, but just know that the reality is more like: I haven’t had much time lately to do costumes because I’m working on a game and other art which I see as much more important, I haven’t bathed or brushed my hair in weeks because of mental illness/functioning issues, 99% of the time I’m not ‘’dressed up’’ - I wear the same pajamas and cardigan that I’ve worn for the past 3 years and barely wash to the point that it’s disintegrating and leaves fabric scraps around the house lol, I have a little moustache right now and a unibrow and other “””non-womanly”””” traits (at least by common media western standards, which is what I assume you go by), I’m excessively analytical, detached, and in real life you would probably see me as blunt and cold and cynical (also commonly missing social cues) - as well as being hugely asocial/ a hermit and mostly lacking the ability to form attachments to others (So definitely not  ~pretty and cute and approachable~ ghgg), I have obsessive compulsive disorder and am regularly so anxious that I’m throwing up and have various other issues - I’m also not Fun or Cool or Spontaneous because I’m too busy being rigid and high strung lol (even before the pandemic, I don’t like to leave the house or interact much at all with others, I’d rather be in my little controlled environment where I don’t have overwhelming sensory information and distractions raising my anxiety constantly),, and my favorite activities are literally all just stuff like pacing around my home alone talking to myself in different voices creating gods and fake religions for my fantasy worldbuilding while I eat boiled cabbage and light little pieces of paper on fire over a candle to help me think - not doing makeup and other Pretty Woman Things. 

Which I don’t want to be too harsh or focus on this tangent too much, since obviously as you don’t know me in real life, these are all things you couldn’t possibly be aware of, and it simply comes with the territory of posting publicly online - so I absolutely don’t blame you for perceiving me incorrectly. If “pretty” pictures are all you see, then that may very well be the only impression that you have. I just personally dislike this certain interpretation some people have seemed to have of me (you’re not the first person to think of me as a Pretty Makeup Girl or whatever lol), since it’s so completely opposite from the truth of who I am, I feel the need to explain it like this sometimes. Just accepting the false perception some people have of me without any argument feels disingenuous and like supporting a version of myself that doesn’t exist. 

 So anyway, no issue with you personally, but just trying to set the perception of me straight a little more accurately lol.. now, back on topic -- 

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(4.) Lastly, and here’s the main thing I’d like to stress, there's the issue of personal boundaries. Again, you're a complete stranger to me, I don't know who you are, and you have no idea who I am. Even if you've followed me online for years and read every post I've ever made, you still have no idea who I truly deeply am, only a vague scattering of snapshots over time.  

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Here are some definitions for Parasocial Relationships: 

“Parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships, where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time, and the other party, the persona, is completely unaware of the other's existence. Parasocial relationships are most common with celebrities, organizations (such as sports teams) or television stars.”

“Parasocial interaction (PSI) refers to a kind of psychological relationship experienced by an audience in their mediated encounters with performers in the mass media, particularly on television.[1] PSI is described as an illusionary experience, such that media audiences interact with personas (e.g., talk show host, celebrities, fictional characters, social media influencers) as if they are engaged in a reciprocal relationship with them. The term was coined by Donald Horton and Richard Wohl in 1956. “

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This is all anyone can ever have with people they follow online. You can perceive them, but you cannot know them or truly understand them. I think this is very important to remain cognizant of in such a massive social media age, as often times people are fostering one sided concepts that are inaccurate or unhealthy (no so much with just you sending me a simple ask, but in a broader sense, how people act towards celebrities, other bloggers, etc. etc. seems to have little boundaries, and often results in a similar manner with people forgetting to maintain acceptable boundaries with those they follow or know about from afar). 

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-- This next part is very important, I think it’s a super valuable way of thinking about this sort of stuff, so if you take away nothing else from this, at least remember this next portion -- 

A very good way to think about online boundaries that I heard someone mention in a post once (though I can no longer find the post), is to take whatever you're going to say to someone online, and imagine saying it in person, in real life, to a barista. Before you send an ask or make a comment, think about if it’s something you would really genuinely say face to face to a stranger. 

Would you walk into a random Starbucks and ask the dude at the counter a bunch questions about their gender identity? Or about his personal life in general? You probably recognize that that would be strange and socially inappropriate. It's similarly inappropriate in a case like this. 

Even though you may feel a sense of familiarity with someone online from reading their social media posts, or even speaking to them once or twice through asks and etc. etc., at the end of the day you don’t really know each other much more than you’d know a random stranger. 

Unless someone is inviting personal questions (like by reblogging those ‘ask me anything’ posts or etc.), or has the sort of blog where they are commonly asking people about/discussing their own intimate personal experiences or etc. (mine is not this way), then questions like this are very out of the blue and similar to asking a random person working at a store things like that. It can be seen as rude and inappropriate in general to give those sorts of questions to people who are complete strangers, and typically comes off as crossing personal boundaries. Again, think about a random stranger asking you these questions, and how you may perceive it. 

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In summary: 

1. The question itself is borne from an double standard and isn't very good to ask in the first place. 2. The way you asked the question was worded  with certain implications. 3.  Your ask is also assuming certain things that you don't know are true, which can be uncomfortable for some people. 4. Even were it not for the three other things, it's commonly considered rude in many cultures to ask serious questions about the personal details of complete strangers, even if it's online. It could prove useful to utilize the ‘barista test’ to better determine this in the future. 

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Final Thoughts: 

Anyway, I wasn't mad and I have no beef with you or whatever lol. Hopefully you can understand what I mean. I've also explained myself as well as I think I can though, so I don't feel like discussing it any more and won't respond to further asks about this. I have a lot of things going on in my life right now (as I'm sure everyone does given the pandemic and everything, you probably do too, so hopefully you can empathize with that), so I’d like to limit my time spent online, especially discussing topics I already don’t like to discuss or am not open to accepting questions about (I just want to talk about cats and elves and stuff lol). 

 If you still can't at least kind of get where I'm coming from then it's perfectly fine to just agree to disagree. If aspects of myself upset you or cause you discomfort, then there's no harm in just unfollowing me or something! Or if you don't even follow me, I would encourage you to block me so my posts no longer come across your dash (or block/unfollow me on whatever other social media you may be seeing my posts on ,etc)., etc. That way you don't have to see content or hear from someone who makes you uncomfortable that way, and there also won't be any need for this to come up in the future. Part of using the internet in a healthy and productive manner is to know when to disengage with certain content and just cut it off/unfollow/block people/etc. if it’s causing you unnecessary conflict or distress, or makes you uncomfortable or etc. to look at. Thank you for the question! Hopefully this response explained things a little better. 

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Links and Further Info: 

On the off chance that you were genuinely curious, here are some resources where you can learn more about people of different gender identities and also hear them explain their experiences, etc.  Since these people are actually openly discussing their experiences/making educational content and are obviously actually open to talking about it,  that would be a better place to field any further questions or learn about things. :3

Here’s some reading - 

Understanding Nonbinary People (link)

Gender Variance Around the World (link)

12 Questions About Nonbinary Gender Answered (link)

About the Sex Binary (link)

Ask LGBT subreddit (link)

one ‘ask a nonbinary person’ blog i found (I don’t know if they’re still active, it’s one of the first ones that came up for me lol, but I guess could be helpful) (link)

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And here’s some videos with people talking about their experience, or being educational - 

(NOTE: I just did a quick google search and did not deeply research these people and their entire histories and etc., so I can’t say I stand by literally everything they say or know what type of people they are, but it’s just a general place to start~!)

A video examining the idea of gender in general and how it even exists and nonbinary people (definitely interesting to watch) (link)

video about nonbinary gender/explanations (probably at least watch this one too) (link)

What is a nonbinary gender? (shorter general info) (link)

answering all your nonbinary questions q&a (link)

Video about binary sex/gender/etc. (link)

5 nonbinary people explain what nonbinary means to them (link)

another video about similar stuff (link)

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[fandomele]

it is a fact, though, that is is common for people to leave a bad relationship by falling into a new romantic one. it is not wise. it is a pattern of behaviour and codependency and can be a cycle that cannot be escaped. if I had a nickel for everyone I knew who just traded one relationship for another without dealing with what they needed to first, and then just want up making more excuses and putting up with more problematic behaviour, and trying to make it work. it's not about Chris. not

first of all: not only you (general you, the people of my original post, maybe you too, I don’t know) might be accusing a good, honest man and husband of being abusive or at the very least careless as hell, you are really assuming that Melissa must be unable to determine whether this relationship is okay or not because... everybody is the same, I guess, and you know her personally, know if she’s going to therapy, know what kind of support she has in her daily life, know how Chris behaves, know how aware she is of red flags and how careful she is now? Do the people posting about them know about any of this? Or are they just assuming things and deciding for her and publicly speaking about her as someone who can only be pushed around right now, something that frankly if Melissa read, or anyone in her position did, wouldn’t exactly feel great and would also feel pretty invasive and entitled? 

yes, I’ve had friends in the same exact situation, in one case 3 monster-boyfriends in a row, and I’m well aware of how you must work on yourself too, it’s not enough to break up with a guy. I also have had friends who out of a toxic relationship and found the perfect guy and I’m so happy for her, she didn’t have to wait at all, it’s like he came from the sky and he’s the most sweet, respectful guy who takes care of her. Anything can happen. In no case, they’d want a stranger to start discussing their new partners in public, or their ability to say no, how much they might have healed before they dated someone new, how much detaching and healing and therapy was happening before they got together with the new person, and to doubt their ability to choose again. I don’t know about the people you know, but everybody I know would be disgusted and angry and feel very insulted.In fact, no one I know really wants even their friends to assume and imply and hint at them not having the ability to be in a decent relationship when 1 they aren’t asked 2 they don’t have all the facts 3 they aren’t asked and 4 they are actually discussing it in a public forum for other strangers. I’ll discuss how it is about Chris later, but even if it weren’t, nobody is entitled to spread suspects about a relationship between two people they don’t even know and who didn’t ask for those opinions (especially when they have been bullied for years and mistreated by loud parts of the public who was already making up stuff based on how they read the little they knew) and Melissa would be disgusted too, like anyone in her position. Like you would, if strangers started deciding how you are living and what problems you have and if your loved ones are assholes based on their experience.  

Many abuse survivors have to also re-learn to trust their instincts, when they are in a new relationship they have to be careful about not becoming abusers themselves because they want to control the situation or expect the worst and mistreat their partner (happened to some of my friends as I said before), they have to re-learn to see what’s good and what isn’t without people, much less strangers, putting their two cents and filling their head with paranoia, insecurity, and honestly, straight up badmouthing the new guy based on their imagination, their prejudice towards him and/or their personal experience which is different for everybody. The abuse survivor could be in therapy, or sadly not, but they can read these things and still get more messed up because feeling powerless and unable to understand the situation they are in, it’s not all the same for everybody and I can’t imagine someone actually benefiting from these kind of posts, they can only cause harm (or delight for people who feel so excited about giving unsolicited opinions). Melissa won’t. Chris won’t. Abuse survivors reading this who already doubt themselves will be even more scared. Abuse survivors who are getting in another abusive relationship won’t realize what’s happening reading posts that gossip about Melissa’s new husband without proof. Melissa came out to help people in abusive relationships, not to have people start dissecting her life and her choices before and after.

And considering that some of the comments there were literally about Chris looking like her ex husband, some comments were about the things Chris does and that “”””must”””” make her feel bad but she’s too weak after her past problems to say no right away, I’d say that 1 it’s definitely personal and about Chris and there is hardly any good faith in it 2 in some cases people are projecting their own traumas. Don’t do that. It’s bad. You lose objectivity and you also mess up another person life 3 don’t assume you know how Melissa had changed now, what she’ll put up with, and what Chris considers healthy. It takes two to be in a couple. 4 don’t go spread your opinions about how she must be still manipulated by her new husband in tags where everybody can read and just take it at face value, which is not the same as you discussing it alone with your friend, it’s more like you standing on top of a table at the market and discussing the personal life of someone who works nearby and is an abuse survivor and telling people “I think her new boyfriend is still manipulating her because she didn’t take enough me-time after the divorce and he looks like an asshole and I have many other reasons to believe so”. You will get sued. You will get people to believe you even if they don’t have facts and make her more uncomfortable. You’ll get people to doubt their own instincts and hers, you’ll be dismissing what she says, how she feels, and somehow it’s still better than what’s happening on tumblr where people skip the whole ‘I think’ and go straight to ‘it’s like this, it’s a fact’. Look at the Melissa tag right now and tell me you don’t see posts speculating on what Chris has been doing and how it badly affected Melissa who was too weak to fight it. Or how men aren’t supposed to get together with women that fast (who cares about what the women want there, right). All put in words that would make anyone go ‘oh that must be true’ except you have no idea of what went down there and they are just, as always, making something look worse and worse so more people can later jump in and immediately go to the worst case scenario.

Also let’s not pretend that years after starring in a tvshow Chris doesn’t get regularly bullied by hundreds of people on all social networks because they can’t distinguish fiction from reality and also think they are bettering the world because they are punishing someone they deem morally questionable due to a role he played, and do so attacking everything from his physical appearance (classy and not at all going to hit people who have ‘flaws’ like his) and volunteer work and personality and mental issues. 

And just to conclude with a personal and important anecdote: My friend, an abuse survivor, ended up adopting abusive techniques to deal with her new boyfriend. Because of how she described the relationship, with no facts, just my opinion and how I was so paranoid due to my past and due to tumblr itself, I was convinced he was the one acting with malice and being abusive because everything can be read that way if you have prejudices, and once she actually went to therapy it turns out that no, it’s not him, she’s manipulating him and he’s just an ass, and my idea that ‘I saw these two things he did, must be a pattern, she’s already been abused, he’s abusive too’ actually pushed her behind in her healing process. Because I spread my ideas as facts due to my own perception of what was happening, with the limited knowledge I am, I hurt people. What do you think what’s happening on tumblr will do to all the sensitive people reading? Don’t assume that something is happening just because ‘historically’ it can happen or because it happened to you and more importantly don’t spread it around. Don’t put malicious ideas in people’s heads. Hope for the best, if you believe the worst discuss it in private where it can’t harm anyone, but don’t tell me what Melissa must or must not be doing or feelings because we DON’T KNOW HER. You can barely try to guess what your friends do and feel with the knowledge they allow you to have, what more a stranger. Hell, even therapists have to be careful not to ‘decide’ what the patient has right away or they’ll only see what they want to see and dismiss the rest, it goes twice for people yelling about it on the internet. 

[silverquillsideas]

Salmon and others were openly discussing rape and talking about drawing rape and there were people in the replies talking about how seeing a “rape drawing” changed the way they consumed content and shipped things (they meant that they liked the rape btw). If she hasn’t gone back to private, you can probably find those for yourself since they’re pretty recent. I thought you seemed nice but I’m really disappointed in you. Will be unfollowing and blocking.

Hello! I was debating on how (if at all) to answer this, since you seem to have already made up your mind to not hear anything further about this issue altogether.

But I do have a few things to say, regardless, because I found specific phrases you used, to be sketchy/unclear at best.

Warning tho : this is going to delve into a discussion of "rape and sexuality" from a real life perspective, since the fandom seems so bent upon drawing parallels to reality and compare fiction and irl examples. If you find that uncomfortable, block the tag "tw:rape" and scroll past.

_____

So, my first point of discussion : "Salmon and others were openly discussing rape and talking about drawing rape"

Putting aside the issue of the subject matter of the threads for a second, I'll focus on the other part : about *posting publicly*. I talked to three separate followers of the twt artist, who also happen to be my tumblr mutuals, and they basically confirmed the same thing : there was no "open discussion", in the sense, that, they did so either on Privatter (assuming you know how it works) or they did in the comment threads on their *personal twitter account*, and only those who were willing to engage in such a discussion, went ahead and joined. They did not encroach on anyone's space and invite them in forcefully.

I'm putting the screenshots of conversation I've had with one of my friends regarding this, and as you can see, none of it was *open for public viewing*

Also, here's the artist's own message that's pinned to their account :

Let me put this in perspective : suppose you're not into kpop (I picked a random example, btw) and find it weird and flamboyant, and you generally avoid it altogether. While scrolling through tumblr, you stumble upon a hardcore kpop blog, you're totally put off by the contents and you complain to your mutuals about how ABC person indulges in kpop and you found it weird and unappealing.

But my point is, there was nothing public about the said blog or account, because, by nature, every blog or account is a person's private space for expression of ideas. Yes, tumblr, twitter and other social media platforms are all *public* in the sense that they are hosted on public domains and anyone with an access to the Internet can stumble upon any website or blog listed therein. But, you, being a responsible, well discerning person, willingly stepped onto a personal blog or acc on which the owner was likely to present their own views, and started complaining about what you found there. Your statement implies, that you willingly browsed through the comment threads until the point you spotted these uncomfortable discussions and you voluntarily exposed yourself to the same.

My second point : "there were people in the replies talking about how seeing a "rape drawing" changed the way they consumed content and shipped things (they meant that they liked rape btw)"

I find it highly confusing how you generalised something as sensitive and complex as psychological behaviour on behalf of a bunch of strangers you never actually interacted with (or confirmed their views on the said matter) and proceeded to label them as "people who liked rape".

What does the statement "liking rape" mean anyway? And, does anyone who talk about or discusses rape, in the context of fanarts and fanfiction, and that too, "rape fantasy" in this case, (but I'll get to it in a moment) automatically becomes someone who likes the act? Or condones it happening in real life, to real people or situations? I'm curious as to which aspect of rape they talked about 'liking' (since your statement implies they explicitly stated so) : was it the pain, the trauma, the physical and psychological stress, or the violence and the sense of dominance over a helpless, real life person?

If you do have an answer supported by evidence, let me know, I'll modify my response gladly.

It brings me to my third point : these artists or the people who commented, were discussing, not about real life rape, but a fantasy situation in which they put two fictional characters together and made a fanart of them (the composition of the art in question is described in the conversation above).

Deriving pleasure from the actual act of rape or sexual violence is a pathological condition and needs medical or psychiatric treatment.

Deriving pleasure or indulging in paraphilic sexual fantasies, however, is not uncommon. I'll redirect you to @iamtrashforash 's post here that describes this issue more coherently. I'll also point you to articles written on PsychologyToday, based on research done on this specific topic of "Rape Fantasy" that I found, and I think everyone should have a look at them :

Article 1

Article 2

If I remember correctly, the actual comment I saw in the screenshot circulating around, regarding the controversy, went something along the lines of "I love seeing Ash's pained face in this situation", and that's what made people lose their minds. There was outrage over "How could you do that with Ash, a CSA survivor? It sends a bad message to them, it's triggering, it's disrespectful, you are disgusting, etc etc."

But, my own conversations with three people who are in real life CSA survivors, two of them who reached out to me in my DMs over the last two days, have given me a very different idea about what these people actually think regarding the art. Here's the hot take : they did not find it disturbing or offensive to themselves personally.

In fact, they pointed out, that they saw it as a fictional scenario, were well aware of the differences between the artist's intent and their potential real life behaviour (FYI, none of them drew the conclusion that either the artist or the people discussing it, "liked rape").

The fact that the comment threads were openly talking about indulging in such a fantasy is what seemed to baffle the more outspoken and outraged people, who proceeded to harass and send hate messages to the creators. But here's the fact : these fetishes have existed for as long as humanity has, and will continue to do so, regardless of whether you crucify a handful of people in a small corner of a fandom or not.

If you're familiar with the yaoi manga genre, or any adult erotica games (I can't cite any examples bc I don't have enough details, but I do know they exist), you'll find a plethora of works where all sorts of fantasy situations are presented : rape is fetishised, there's shape-shifters (vampires or otherwise), A/B/O dynamics, even bestiality. In other words, a major prevalence of themes like dominant, aggressive behaviour contrasted with helpless, passive behaviour as far as sexual situations go. And they are thriving. They have a huge pool of audience out in the world.

Whether these fetishes are "morally right or wrong" to indulge in, is not a question I have any authority to debate, because I'm not a clinical psychologist, or a behavioural scientist.

Personally speaking, I happen to be a demisexual person. Any discussion of sexual situations or scenarios outside of my own very narrow comfort zone or mental compatibility scares the shit out of me. And I find all of the above scenarios I described, as plainly unappealing and downright weird or scary. I will never, as long as I have my faculties in control, go out seeking any of them voluntarily, in either fanarts or fiction.

My point is, this is a complicated issue, I fully acknowledge that beforehand. We, as a fandom, got attached to Ash as a character, for so many different reasons. We all love him, respect him for standing up against all odds, and fighting against his fate all his life. That's the reason why the back-lash against these depictions got so violent, I think. People are more willing to see him heal, to see him make peace with his scars and move on. The general consensus with this line of thought was so ingrained in our minds, that people lashed out as soon as something "against the norms" and "potentially harmful" came to their notice.

But, the thing is, both these outcomes, are fictional. The fandom's biggest purpose is this : we weave fiction out of fiction itself. That's why we have fanarts and AUs and headcanons and a hundred other things. And different people will find different aspects of said fictional scenarios appealing. It's why we have so many ships on one hand and unfortunately, *ridiculous* ship-wars and toxic discourses on the other. But, it's okay to accept that there'll always be differences in such a wide space where everyone is coming together. It's okay to find content you don't agree with, and simply, move on.

But, I'll repeat myself : I'm not going to persecute people, who have carefully tagged, classified, and filtered their content, being mindful of the others in the fandom, and barge on their doors demanding "why they liked what they liked" and "how could they like such a thing??". Especially because it is fiction, involving fictional characters, separated from reality.

Had it been a real life discourse, involving actual people, I'd have definitely spoken out against it.

Also, to anon, if you find my views or ideas unpleasant, or find my completely sfw multifandom blog a safety hazard, then you're more than welcome to unfollow and block me. Your mental peace is all that I ask for. :)

[theartofmedia]

Game Theory and the Art of Persuasion

Full disclosure from the start: I don’t like Game Theory. (I enjoy MatPat when he’s in other things (like the Random Encounters musicals, I think he’s wonderful there), but just not Game Theory.) I’ve heard a lot of other people not like Game Theory either, both personal friends and strangers on the internet, for a variety of different reasons--namely, inaccurate research, twisting of facts, and allegations of art-stealing (but we’re not going to talk about that last one for the sake of staying on topic).

Yet, it remains incredibly successful, and its fans are loyal. Many people believe the theories, or at least parts of them. Even when the top comments of the videos are critical (or even hateful) in nature, the videos still do well.

So, why?

Well, there’s no denying that a good portion of GT’s audience is young. I think we’ve all had that one creator or piece of media that we wanted to defend because we loved it, only to realize later that it wasn’t that good. (And many people still enjoy these things and recognize that they aren’t good.) Younger teens have a strong need to defend what’s important to them, regardless of however valid the criticism is--in fact, giving any negative criticism at all often just spurs them on further. Young teens just don’t have that reasoning ability (and let’s face it, we were all like this when we were that young, whether we like to admit it or not). GT is going to be successful as long as that loyal fanbase continues to thrive.

So why do people believe the theories?

I believe I have my own little “theory”--MatPat, to some, is very persuasive.

Not with well-structured arguments, but with his rhetoric. It’s in what language he uses, the visuals he puts up, his tone of voice, and how he subtly tweaks the facts in order to slant the information in favor of his argument.

(Note: I am aware that MatPat not only has editors but script-writers as well, but he has to approve all of it and read out the script. So while I’ll use GT and MatPat himself as sort of umbrella term, I do know that he is not responsible for everything.)

Let’s use the video “Game Theory: Kirby...Dream Land’s Biggest THREAT! pt.1″ and break down some of the major points. (I’ll be putting timestamps so you can check for yourself or follow along.)

Whether intentional or not, MatPat uses a lot of strong, slanted language in his arguments. At 2:14, he states “So what is Kirby? Is he hero of Popstar, or world-consuming villain? A pink puffball for good, or a fiery god of evil?” This sets up a dichotomy--good and evil, right and wrong. People are naturally drawn to definitive, clean choices. They’re easier to understand and easier to grasp. Setting up this dichotomy sets up two sides: Kirby is good, or Kirby is evil. No room for other nuances and small details that add depth, or room for any explanations of the circumstances that could lead Kirby to act the way he does.

2:22--”Surprisingly, Kirby lore does have an answer.”

2:25-2:29--”The Kirby games have slowly been revealing more and more of what the true nature of Kirby is.”

3:09--”... what the designers are intending to do with his character.”

These three statements encapsulate a common criticism of GT: MatPat exerts his theories as truth. “Have an answer,” “true nature,” and “intending to do” are all statements that present his argument as factual, as truth. He even pushes that onto the Kirby writers, saying that it’s what they were ‘intending to do’ with Kirby’s character. Now one could make the argument of him just making blanket statements and that these aren’t all calculated instances, and you’re probably right--however, regardless if intentional or not, it still plants a sort of subliminal idea in the viewer’s head that ‘what I’m going to tell you is accurate and true.’

(Also, at 3:09, he shows a visual of “kirby lore” books connected by a pentagram. Very subtle use of imagery to send a message, which once more ties back to the binary he set up earlier. It’s pretty clear what he wants you to believe.)

2:30--”And the answers they’re starting to give are shocking.”

3:16--”... after this two-part theory, I don’t think you’ll be able to look at Kirby the same way again.”

This, along with the Satanic visuals presented previously, are priming the viewer to think that Kirby is evil. It’s setting up for that assertion, easing the viewer into it so that it’s easier for them to think “oh yeah that makes sense.”

And that’s just at the beginning of the video!

Now probably the biggest criticism of GT is that he spins the facts and intentionally leaves out information, inadvertently giving inaccurate information in order to support his argument. Well--he’s basically flat-out admitted to doing so in his emails to potential script writers (as shown by this video from Inside A Mind (timestamped for convenience), where MatPat actually commented on it and talked about the incident that IAM was referring to and never outright stating that the contents of those guidelines for script writing were false.)

I feel like we don’t talk about this enough: the Game Theory script writers are actually told to omit information that contradicts the theory. Now this makes sense on the surface--omitting information that would weaken your argument--but thinking about it even a bit makes it confusing and even a bit shady. GT frames its theories as though they were scientific theories, and intentionally leaving out information that contradicts what you’re trying to say isn’t how you make a scientific theory, especially if it heavily disproves what you are trying to prove. You would acknowledge that there is contradictory information and either try to provide a counterargument, or just admit ‘yeah this exists and we don’t have an explanation for it.’ It’s okay to have holes in your argument, no argument is perfect! However, GT flat-out ignores this contradictory information, and in doing so, it actually twists the facts. (Honestly, in my opinion, him acknowledging the contradictory information would make his theories more credible.)

For example, in the Kirby video, he discusses Milky Way Wishes in Kirby Super Star/Super Star Ultra, and how the main objective is to stop the sun and moon from fighting by summoning Nova, who can grant wishes, with the help of a jester named Marx. Marx, however, betrays Kirby to get his own wish granted because he wants to take over Popstar. Kirby has to destroy Nova in order to save Popstar and possibly the rest of the universe.

Now the way MatPat explains it...

(starting at) 6:19--“When the sun and moon are fighting up in the sky, one civilian speaks up with a solution: Marx. His proposed answer to this literal star war is to summon Nova, a giant space watch that grants wishes. [something something dragonball joke] Kirby travels planet to planet to harness each one’s star power, making him quite literally an alien invading army to the locals of that area. After decimating seven planets’ worth of creatures [something something metroid joke], Kirby successfully summons Nova. But before he can make his wish and justify all the damage he just caused across the galaxy, he is betrayed by Marx, who wishes to take over Popstar. [...] Kirby goes on to defeat Marx, but also has to destroy Nova in the process, leaving the universe one step back from where this quest first started, and ultimately invalidating all the bloodshed from all the planets he just visited.”

... he frames it as though nothing was accomplished, planets were destroyed, and everything was ultimately for naught.

Conveniently leaving out that the sun and moon stopped fighting--you know, what caused all of this in the first place--in order to work together and help Kirby stop Nova. And again, his wording frames Kirby as this monster, while also conveniently forgetting about player choice. One can choose to not hurt the enemies--and the enemies are enemies for a reason, because they hurt Kirby.

So in the end, while Marx was stopped and Nova was unfortunately destroyed, the problem that Kirby set out to solve was, in fact, solved, and peace was restored. Putting back these facts completely changes the meaning of what MatPat is trying to say, and omitting them makes them inaccurate information. He does this frequently in order to support his arguments--and the very fact that he has to twist the narrative in order to make it fit how he wants to at all implies that said arguments don’t have much to stand on to begin with.

However, if you didn’t play the game or didn’t just do a quick google search like I did it sounds plausible, because there aren’t many missing pieces there (unless you think about ‘what happened to the sun and moon?’). It seems that GT is trying to reach the people who don’t know about these games, as they would be the ones who would most readily believe it. Kirby fans would be skeptical or outright against what the theory says, but if you didn’t know about what the games actually were, then it would make perfect sense.

(I’d also like to mention how he says that Kirby’s Avalanche isn’t canon and then uses it for a full minute to support his argument it’s not entirely relevant to this but it just Grinds My Gears)

15:51--”And again, if you think all of this is a stretch, and I’m reading too much into these details, I’m not.” 

And at the very end, he once again asserts the idea that the information he just presented you with is true. It’s repetition; many times if you repeat something enough, people will start to believe it. It’s similar to repeating the thesis statement at the end of an essay so that it all ties together nicely.

To the average viewer, the Game Theory videos may sound very persuasive, especially with MatPat’s charismatic voice and assured tone, the editors very snappy and visually interesting editing, and the enticing words and phrases he uses in order to grab attention and prime the viewer for what he’s about to say. However, knowing even a little bit about the source material of what he’s talking about can make the theory videos fall apart, because in all honesty, the videos don’t have much actual substance. It’s like a house of cards; one light breeze and the whole thing topples.

Despite all of this, I still have hope that, someday, Game Theory’s content will improve, and these types of criticisms will be addressed. Until then, we can only wait.

[llzehs]

(cont.) . If Dean really had a problem with Renee speaking about his personal life they probably would, I don’t know, talk about it like a married couple, which is what they are. Don’t act like you’re a “better fan” because you think you know who Renee is just off her presence on social media.

Naive stans are still at it. This is the last time I’m gonna respond to you cuz idiots like you usually think they are right if they are ignored. Embarrassing people like you is fun for me, but it clogs my blog and my followers are not here for stupid shit. The second part of this anon was so fucking stupid I’m not gonna even bother posting it here. As for a response for you…

I would like to ask some questions. How old are you? Did you get a chance to fully grow into a proper human being with a proper mind you sometimes, I don’t know like to use? Why do you sound like you live in some kind of a bubble? Do you have any idea how real life actually works? How there are negative and positive aspects of everything and not everything is as pure as the actual concept is? 

Here’s the thing. You stupid fucking stans keep talking in circles, not even trying to make an effort and get the actual point. You live in a fantasy world and cry like babies if someone remind you that your fictions are just that, fictions. I’ll be nice and lay down some truths bout life here for you, even though there is a 99% chance you will once again fail to understand it. I still feel like you are in a desperate need for a rude awakening so here we go. 

People make mistakes. Bad marriages are a thing. Abusive/Toxic relationships are a harsh fucking reality. These celebs don’t always make it just cuz they are married or ‘choose’ each other. Brad and Angelina were couples goals but where are they now? Johnny Depp and Amber Heard were ‘married’ but a year later we found out it was an abusive relationship so how come being ‘married’ didn’t stop that? Seth and his fiancee were the best couple in the world and what happened to them? 

What the fuck do you think a marriage is? Does it give you a certificate that you apparently are an angel and can do no wrong? Don’t people make wrong choices? Don’t people with low self esteem settle down with someone they probably think are the best they can do and their other half happens to be manipulative and keep telling them they are lucky they choose to be with them and they cannot find anyone else who can put up with them? Cuz, hello?? That is something that actually happens. There are men, there are women who take advantage of people with low self esteem and mistreat them in a marriage and a relationship and the other half puts up with it cuz they don’t know any better. Life is not a bed of roses. Shitty things happen. Shitty people exists. Who mistreat their ‘husbands’ and ‘wives’ even though they are ‘married’. Just cuz one person is linked to another doesn’t make them untouchable. You are gonna get judged on how you act, what you say and what you do. Not what your husband or wife does. Cuz in real life, being a husband and wife doesn’t mean you have got a certificate for your relationship being perfect or pure. Also, people let others abuse or disrespect them when they love someone. Doesn’t make it right. You can be upset or angry at your husband/wife, you can feel they are disrespecting you but you might put up with it cuz you don’t want to fucking fight all the time. IT STILL DOESN’T MAKE IT RIGHT. And all of this, its not even in regard to Dean/Renee. Its the fucking real life in general I’m talking bout. 

You guys keep throwing bitch fits if I mention Renee but then you sent me stupid anons and MAKE me talk bout her then get upset even further. What am I suppose to do? Not expose you as a fool? Not embarrass you until you run away and cry in your mama’s lap? Listen, if my opinion is so important to you and you cannot stop getting your feeling hurt over it, maybe you need to ask yourself why is that so. I speak with logic, you blind stans can’t counter me so you keep doing what you do, and that’s whine like utter brats.

I AM a better Dean fan. Your sweet Renee’s internet presence IS her whole life. She loves to discuss her marriage and what goes on in it with strangers online more than she probably does with her actual husband. Lmao, you stans need to start listening to her, follow her stuff. Cuz she’ll let you in her married life all the way. From when she and Dean have sex and what her dogs do when they are getting it on to when they first had sex and what Dean thinks bout her pukes and farts and periods and boobs and what he does when she run to him and cry bout ‘online hate’. In her own words he tells her NOT TO GO ON INTERNET. So yeah, according to her own mouth Dean has several times told her to stop living on her phone but she loves the attention too much. 

There is a very simple example. Renee said she loves making Dean take pictures with her when there is a camera around cuz then he cannot say no, implying he doesn’t like it but she loves forcing him in doing so cuz if he doesn’t he’ll look like an asshole or abusive since he’s a man. She also only shoves a camera in his face when they are out in public. For blind sheep that might be adorable, but for people with sensible brains that’s manipulative. If you are allowed to call it ‘adorable’, people are allowed to call it shady. Not everyone’s gonna perceive things like you. There are people with superior brain cells than you. We are not gonna apologize for that. 

If stupid stans are allowed to assume they are ‘oh so in love’ just by few pictures, people are allowed to assume things by what actually comes out of her mouth on her several podcasts where she loves making very personal and invasive comments. You guys should get out of your homes and start living your own lives instead of trying to live through these couples you ‘stan’ for.

Renee has several times said she’s an open book, she HAS to be on internet and get that validation. You cannot have it both ways. Both her and her stans need to understand this. She can play a victim all she wants, her stans can be brainless sheep all they want. Doesn’t change the fact that she brought it upon herself and the obsessively creepy Deanee fanbase need to stop bullying others for seeing things for how they are. Also your queen actually loves the attention, so its a win win for her anyways. But you didn’t know that now did you? Cuz funny thing is you don’t even follow the people you are always bending backwards in order to defend. If anything, it makes you pretty damn pathetic. 

At the end of the day, hating Renee gives me no pleasure. Dean married her and I like Dean and want him to be happy, so I hope she genuinely makes him happy. But its not hard to judge her considering how much she loves to overshare. I used to listen to her pod, follow her on twitter cuz I liked her. But in the end all of that made me dislike her and her relationship with Dean. If she had kept her mouth shut, I would still be rooting hard for them as a couple cuz visually they do look good and Dean knows how to keep his shit private. The impression I get from her is that Dean’s a possession to her. And that’s the bottomline. I’m entitled to feel how I feel.

[spiritualesoterichighlevel]

Myths of the Brain

                                                                                             1. We use only 10 percent of our brains.                This one sounds so compelling - a precise number, repeated in pop culture for a century, implying that we have huge reserves of untapped mental powers. But the supposedly unused 90 percent of the brain is not some vestigial appendix. Brains are expensive - it takes a lot of energy to build brains during fetal and childhood development and maintain them in adults. Evolutionarily, it would make no sense to carry around surplus brain tissue. Experiments using PET or fMRI scans show that much of the brain is engaged even during simple tasks, and injury to even a small bit of brain can have profound consequences for language, sensory perception, movement or emotion.          True, we have some brain reserves. Autopsy studies show that many people have physical signs of Alzheimer's disease (such as amyloid plaques among neurons) in their brains even though they were not impaired. Apparently we can lose some brain tissue and still function pretty well. And people score higher on IQ tests if they're highly motivated, suggesting that we don't always exercise our minds at 100 percent capacity.

   2. "Flashbulb memories" are precise, detailed and persistent.          We all have memories that feel as vivid and accurate as a snapshot, usually of some shocking, dramatic event - the assassination of President Kennedy, the explosion of the space shuttle Challenger, the attacks of September 11, 2001. People remember exactly where they were, what they were doing, who they were with, what they saw or heard. But several clever experiments have tested people's memory immediately after a tragedy and again several months or years later.

The test subjects tend to be confident that their memories are accurate and say the flashbulb memories are more vivid than other memories. Vivid they may be, but the memories decay over time just as other memories do. People forget important details and add incorrect ones, with no awareness that they're recreating a muddled scene in their minds rather than calling up a perfect, photographic reproduction.

                3. It's all downhill after 40 (or 50 or 60 or 70).          It's true, some cognitive skills do decline as you get older. Children are better at learning new languages than adults - and never play a game of concentration against a 10-year-old unless you're prepared to be humiliated. Young adults are faster than older adults to judge whether two objects are the same or different; they can more easily memorize a list of random words, and they are faster to count backward by sevens.          But plenty of mental skills improve with age. Vocabulary, for instance - older people know more words and understand subtle linguistic distinctions. Given a biographical sketch of a stranger, they're better judges of character. They score higher on tests of social wisdom, such as how to settle a conflict. And people get better and better over time at regulating their own emotions and finding meaning in their lives.

   4. We have five senses.          Sure, sight, smell, hearing, taste and touch are the big ones. But we have many other ways of sensing the world and our place in it. Proprioception is a sense of how our bodies are positioned. Nociception is a sense of pain. We also have a sense of balance - the inner ear is to this sense as the eye is to vision - as well as a sense of body temperature, acceleration and the passage of time.          Compared with other species, though, humans are missing out. Bats and dolphins use sonar to find prey; some birds and insects see ultraviolet light; snakes detect the heat of warmblooded prey; rats, cats, seals and other whiskered creatures use their "vibrissae" to judge spatial relations or detect movements; sharks sense electrical fields in the water; birds, turtles and even bacteria orient to the earth's magnetic field lines.          By the way, have you seen the taste map of the tongue, the diagram showing that different regions are sensitive to salty, sweet, sour or bitter flavors? Also a myth.

   5. Brains are like computers.          We speak of the brain's processing speed, its storage capacity, its parallel circuits, inputs and outputs. The metaphor fails at pretty much every level: the brain doesn't have a set memory capacity that is waiting to be filled up; it doesn't perform computations in the way a computer does; and even basic visual perception isn't a passive receiving of inputs because we actively interpret, anticipate and pay attention to different elements of the visual world.          There's a long history of likening the brain to whatever technology is the most advanced, impressive and vaguely mysterious. Descartes compared the brain to a hydraulic machine. Freud likened emotions to pressure building up in a steam engine. The brain later resembled a telephone switchboard and then an electrical circuit before evolving into a computer; lately it's turning into a Web browser or the Internet. These metaphors linger in clichés: emotions put the brain "under pressure" and some behaviors are thought to be "hard-wired." Speaking of which...

   6. The brain is hard-wired.          This is one of the most enduring legacies of the old "brains are electrical circuits" metaphor. There's some truth to it, as with many metaphors: the brain is organized in a standard way, with certain bits specialized to take on certain tasks, and those bits are connected along predictable neural pathways (sort of like wires) and communicate in part by releasing ions (pulses of electricity).          But one of the biggest discoveries in neuroscience in the past few decades is that the brain is remarkably plastic. In blind people, parts of the brain that normally process sight are instead devoted to hearing. Someone practicing a new skill, like learning to play the violin, "rewires" parts of the brain that are responsible for fine motor control. People with brain injuries can recruit other parts of the brain to compensate for the lost tissue.

               7. A conk on the head can cause amnesia.                Next to babies switched at birth, this is a favorite trope of soap operas: Someone is in a tragic accident and wakes up in the hospital unable to recognize loved ones or remember his or her own name or history. (The only cure for this form of amnesia, of course, is another conk on the head.)          In the real world, there are two main forms of amnesia: anterograde (the inability to form new memories) and retrograde (the inability to recall past events).        Science's most famous amnesia patient, H.M., was unable to remember anything that happened after a 1953 surgery that removed most of his hippocampus. He remembered earlier events, however, and was able to learn new skills and vocabulary, showing that encoding "episodic" memories of new experiences relies on different brain regions than other types of learning and memory do. Retrograde amnesia can be caused by Alzheimer's disease, traumatic brain injury (ask an NFL player), thiamine deficiency or other insults. But a brain injury doesn't selectively impair autobiographical memory - much less bring it back.

8. We know what will make us happy.                In some cases we haven't a clue. We routinely overestimate how happy something will make us, whether it's a birthday, free pizza, a new car, a victory for our favorite sports team or political candidate, winning the lottery or raising children. Money does make people happier, but only to a point - poor people are less happy than the middle class, but the middle class are just as happy as the rich. We overestimate the pleasures of solitude and leisure and underestimate how much happiness we get from social relationships.          On the flip side, the things we dread don't make us as unhappy as expected. Monday mornings aren't as unpleasant as people predict. Seemingly unendurable tragedies - paralysis, the death of a loved one - cause grief and despair, but the unhappiness doesn't last as long as people think it will. People are remarkably resilient.

   9. We see the world as it is.          We are not passive recipients of external information that enters our brain through our sensory organs. Instead, we actively search for patterns (like a Dalmatian dog that suddenly appears in a field of black and white dots), turn ambiguous scenes into ones that fit our expectations (it's a vase; it's a face) and completely miss details we aren't expecting. In one famous psychology experiment, about half of all viewers told to count the number of times a group of people pass a basketball do not notice that a guy in a gorilla suit is hulking around among the ball-throwers.                We have a limited ability to pay attention (which is why talking on a cellphone while driving can be as dangerous as drunk driving), and plenty of biases about what we expect or want to see. Our perception of the world isn't just "bottom-up" - built of objective observations layered together in a logical way. It's "top-down," driven by expectations and interpretations.

   10. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.          Some of the sloppiest, shoddiest, most biased, least reproducible, worst designed and most overinterpreted research in the history of science purports to provide biological explanations for differences between men and women. Eminent neuroscientists once claimed that head size, spinal ganglia or brain stem structures were responsible for women's inability to think creatively, vote logically or practice medicine. Today the theories are a bit more sophisticated: men supposedly have more specialized brain hemispheres, women more elaborate emotion circuits. Though there are some differences (minor and uncorrelated with any particular ability) between male and female brains, the main problem with looking for correlations with behavior is that sex differences in cognition are massively exaggerated.          Women are thought to outperform men on tests of empathy. They do - unless test subjects are told that men are particularly good at the test, in which case men perform as well as or better than women. The same pattern holds in reverse for tests of spatial reasoning. Whenever stereotypes are brought to mind, even by something as simple as asking test subjects to check a box next to their gender, sex differences are exaggerated. Women college students told that a test is something women usually do poorly on, do poorly. Women college students told that a test is something college students usually do well on, do well. Across countries - and across time - the more prevalent the belief is that men are better than women in math, the greater the difference in girls' and boys' math scores. And that's not because girls in Iceland have more specialized brain hemispheres than do girls in Italy.          Certain sex differences are enormously important to us when we're looking for a mate, but when it comes to most of what our brains do most of the time - perceive the world, direct attention, learn new skills, encode memories, communicate (no, women don't speak more than men do), judge other people's emotions (no, men aren't inept at this) - men and women have almost entirely overlapping and fully Earth-bound abilities.      

[ykiyori]

Was I sexually abused in childhood by adults? Checklist. Bold the ones that happened to you, italicize if you’re unsure. This is an extremely triggering list, please proceed only if you’re ready to go through this.

Psychological and verbal sexual abuse perpetuated by adults

adults looking at you sexually (even if they don’t vocalize it, you can usually sense that someone is looking at you with weird intentions)

adults vocalizing their sexual views of you, calling you sexual names, commenting on you in a sexual way, objectifying you and acting like you exist only for their pleasure

adults calling you sexual slurs

adults commenting on your private parts in any way that makes you uncomfortable (pretty much any kind of talk that is not about giving you objective information, or medical assistance)

adults implying in any way they wish to have sex with you (“only if you were older”, calling you jailbait or anything in similar context)

adults blaming the shape of your body, or your appearance, for their sexual interest of you

adults claiming your body is “sinful” or “provocative” or “asking for it” and forcing you to cover it

adults saying any sexual thing they would like to do to you, or implying that any part of you exists for their pleasure

adults insulting your private parts and humiliating you

adults comparing you to pornography or other sexually provocative adults

adults exposing you to pornographic materials (even if you accidentally stumble on them, it was their responsibility to protect you from that)

adults forcing you to look at pornographic materials

adults sending you any kind of nude or sexual images or materials

adults telling you in detail about their experiences of sexual abuse and rape

adults humiliating you for development of your body and any changes you’re going thru

adults humiliating your bodily functions

adults watching you masturbate, or trying to expose you to others

an adult claiming that you enjoy sexual acts, or the idea of them, and humiliating you based on their claims

an adult claiming that you are filthy and perverted for “liking certain sexual acts”

adults managing to engage in conversation with you online and turning it sexual

adults asking you to send them images or videos of yourself via internet or phone, and coercing you into sexual conversations and behaviour

adults influencing you into touching yourself or into any other sexual act (online or in person)

adults making you feel “used” or “damaged” after they touched you or imposed the idea that you’re only good while pure and untouched

Parental sexual abuse (though anything on this list can be perpetuated by parent)

parents denying your privacy and demanding you have to be exposed to them at all times (when changing clothes, bathing, etc)

parents exposing you to, and failing to protect you from sexual predators

parents failing to provide you with proper medical care and protection when you need it

parent blaming you for sexual abuse, and siding with your abuser

parents accusing you of sexual behaviour and attacking you for it

parents imposing the myth of virginity on you and insisting non-virgins are impure or dirty

parents exposing you to false information on sex (you should bleed, or that it should hurt)

parents failing to provide you positive touch, making you easily accept touch from strangers

Sexual grooming done to children so they wouldn’t resist or even detect sexual abuse

adults introducing you to sexual experiences very early on so you wouldn’t feel there’s something un-normal or predatory about it as you grow up

adults grooming you into thinking that sexual advances from adults mean you’re special and mature, and it’s a good and normal thing

an adult bonding with you as if you were their age, trying to make you feel special and have you lower your guard around them, so you’d be more easy to sexually abuse later

adults inviting your flirtatious or sexual behaviour and approving of it, engaging in activities as if it’s okay if you started it or showed interest in them

adults taking your interest and affection towards them as an excuse that they’re allowed to do anything they wish with you, and making it seem like you asked for it

adults neglecting to give you any sort of attention except sexual, coercing you to choose between presenting yourself in sexual way, or being completely ignored and neglected and written off as “worthless”

an adult trying to make you feel bad if you don’t like the idea of sex, or don’t seem to want to engage in sexual activities at all, or seem hesitant about it

an adult implying that eventually you will have to have sex, no matter if you wanted or not

an adult teaching you how you should react to sex, trying to get you to ignore your instincts and boundaries and just accept whatever is happening to you

an adult telling you that “everyone does this” and making you feel like you’re behind on everyone if you refuse their sexual advances

an adult telling you about others they’ve sexually abused and trying to get you to normalize this type of behaviour and accept that it happens to everyone

an adult making decisions about your sexuality and telling you what you should enjoy sexually

an adult exposing you to grooming materials where group of people you can relate to are being used as sexual outlets or toys (used as sexual slaves or pets, dehumanized and reduced to toys)

an adult implying that you are or will be anyone’s “property” or “sexual outlet” and trying to “prepare you for it”

adults using their position of power (teachers, authority figures, coaches) to ease you into accepting their sexual advances

adults getting upset and making you feel bad if you don’t like the idea of sex or aren’t interested

adults praising you if you do accept their sexual advances and trying to ease you into accepting more

adults trying to get you addicted to pain and into craving sexual attention from them

adults calling their sexual abuse “love” and trying to frame it as “them loving you”

adults framing their sexual abuse as a “game” and you’re supposed to play along

adults doing anything to you that you didn’t know is sexual and abusive, and would absolutely resist had you known that it was abuse, and that it would leave heavy psychological consequences on you

Physical sexual abuse perpetuated by adults

adults using sexual abuse (spanking, any kind of hitting or humiliation of your private areas) as a punishment for misbehaviour

an adult trapping you inside of a room or closed space and acting physically close with you, making you feel uncomfortable and endangered while you know it would be hard to escape

adults slapping, hitting, groping or fondling your private areas

adults exposing your underwear or touching it (snapping your bra, lifting your skirt, pulling on your underwear)

TW extremely triggering sexual abuse and rape

an adult kissing your mouth

an adult groping or fondling you

an adult undressing you and looking at you with sexual desire

an adult coercing you into undressing yourself in front of them and ogling your body

an adult taking a picture of you naked and using you to create child pornography

an adult sharing a sexual picture of you on the internet or any other media

an adult filming you or making any kind of sexual recording of you

an adult coercing you to get into sexual poses for them (even professionally, it’s still abuse)

an adult staring at your genitals or asking you to expose yourself to them

an adult exposing their genitals in front of you

an adult touching themselves in front of you

an adult having you touch them sexually

an adult having you tell them that you want to be touched in your private areas

an adult having you tell them to do sexual things to you (even if you say it by your own will, they are responsible for stopping you and letting you know it’s inappropriate, they have no right to sexually engage with you)

an adult sneaking into your bed and touching you sexually

an adults speaking to you as if you’re their sexual partner

an adult having you touch themselves in front of them

an adult having sexual intercourse with you (it doesn’t matter if they do it gently or if you initiated it or if you didn’t resist, it’s rape, children cannot consent to sex)

an adult engaging in oral, anal, or any kind of sex with you, or making you interact with any object sexually

an adult inflicting any kind of pain or injury on your genitals

an adult coercing you to have sexual relations with another adult or child

an adult harming you sexually

an adult praising you for enduring their sexual abuse and rape, trying to frame it as if you’ve done a good thing by staying silent or not resisting

an adult having you say that you wanted it

an adult saying that you provoked them into sexually abusing you

an adult calling their sexual behaviour “a secret” you’re not allowed to tell anyone

an adult threatening to hurt you, your family, or someone you love if you expose their sexual behaviour

an adult threatening to expose what they’ve done to you in order to humiliate you and cast shadow on your name

an adult blackmailing you with sexual materials they’ve made of you

*it’s impossible for children to stop or resist sexual abuse, because if an adult is willing to rape a child, that adult is willing to kill a child as well, child’s instincts stop them from resisting in hope their life will be spared

*children are never responsible for sexual abuse being inflicted on them, not if they ask for it, not if they initiate it, adults are responsible for protecting children for abuse, and if they use anything as an excuse to gain pleasure from molesting a child, they’re monsters

*if any of this is done to you by another child, it is still abuse, it still causes harm to you, and you still suffer consequences of it, your body is still being violated weather the perpetuators knows what they’re doing or not

*all of these are abusive even when you’re an adult, after turning 18 you’re not magically protected from grooming or any kind of abuse, and a lot of people can still take advantage of you sexually and harm you, nobody should be grooming or objectifying you or touching you without your consent at any stage in your life

*if your body reacts with arousal and lubrication to sexual abuse, it’s not a sign of you enjoying or liking it, your body is doing it for self protection, it would harm you much worse to be raped or abused without lubrication, same with orgasms, not a sign of pleasure, but desperation for it to be over

if you can bold 3 or more of these, you’ve been thru sexual abuse as a child.

[stargleeksil-blog]

Criminal Minds S06E21 “The Stranger” review - or more aptly named, funny and twisted in the same episode? Hells yes, we’re back on track XD I love this!

Episode 21 – The Stranger

Hey everyone! So last time was uberly weird, and depressing and emotional ... I need a reprieve, so let’s hope this has slightly more humoristic scenes with my three faves (Derek, Spence and Penelope) and more Rossi sarcasm, because I need it direly.

Let’s see what happens.

“Unnecessary. There’s too much blood and gore and ew.”

And that is why me and her are so perfect for each other.

“Garcia, it’s a slasher film. How do you do a slasher film without violence?”

“You imply it.”

XD

“Baby the movie is called Slice 6. What were you expecting?”

“A refreshing beverage with a twist of comedy.”

“I’m gonna have nightmares for a week.”

“With everything that we do and see on a daily basis, that got to you?”

“Listen, newb, you may be all Sigourney Weaver ass-kicking tough, which is awesome, but the mystical mavens of innocence like myself jump at things that go bump in the night.”

So I don’t need to even comment on this, because the dialogue does it for me XD

“Why are you worried? I’m sure that Morgan will protect you.”

“As long as he’s not jumping out of his chair like a prepubescent schoolgirl.”

WHAT?!

“The only reason I jumped is ‘cause you guys woke me up.”

“How could you sleep during that?”

“Easy. You drag me out after a 12-hour workday … for what?”

“You telling me that girl didn’t know the unsub was waiting for her upstairs?”

“Come on.”

Oh my tough puppy.

“Villain.”

“What?”

“In movies, unsubs are called villains.”

“My bad.”

I LOVE THIS SHOW SO FUCKING MUCH!

“Still, it’s totally unrealistic. No one should be walking through ha dark alley by themselves at night.”

“Ahem, hello.”

“Ah. No one should be walking through a dark alley without a Derek Morgan by their side.”

Oh lordy, this show is awesome.

“What we didn’t see coming is the Slicer’s brother was in the closet.”

“Frightening.”

Ah, the sarcastic Rossi.

“He betrayal consumed him and he sent his brother to his own private hell.”

Oh my god, just look at him so happily describing a horror movie. I balk at those.

“Speaking of horror …”

“What’s Strauss doing here?”

“Whatever it is, I cast my vote on ‘no good’.”

I love my goddess XD

“I left them on your desk last night.”

“This really isn’t the time for another evaluation.”

So Strauss is being the regular bitch and trying to get Aaron to do an evaluation on himself? And to have everyone take it again? I’m going to smack this bitch.

So three girls in college, who look eerily alike, were murdered ... yikes.

“As it stands right now, I’m coming up empty.”

“Their apartments were spread throughout the city, so … no fingerprints at the crime scene.”

“The unsub uses gloves.”

“He’s organized.”

“Forced entry at all the apartments. Back door, patio door, living room window.”

“The homes were wrecked.”

“Clear evidence of a struggle.”

“He’s creating a scene.”

“He wants to inflict fear not only in his victim but in whomever finds the body.”

“Could be a message to the local PD. ‘Look what I can do’.”

“He’s killed three women in under a week. San Diego PD wants us on the scene as soon as possible.”

Stephen King: “Sometimes human places create inhuman monsters.”

Dang, Mr. King, just dang.

“Our unsubs has a type and a temper.”

Yeah, he’s angry at brunettes. Seriously creepy (I’m brunette :O)

“Amber was getting ready for her bath. It would have been an easy target for a sexual assault, but none came.”

“That’s highly unusual for this kind of unsub.”

“You know, extreme violence in physical aggression is in its nature sexual.”

Again with the hot people talking about sex.

“That’s true, but as a substitution for the sex act.”

“This guy could be impotent. He can’t perform, so that’s why he goes all out for the kill.”

Again with the sweet ‘innocent’ people talking about sex.

“If he’s targeting female college students, we need to make sure that campus officials are informed if they haven’t been already.”

“We also can’t rule out other students and faculty.”

Insert Reid’s immense knowledge about San Diego college layout ... that’s a lot.

“Each girl lived off-campus and was attacked in their apartment.”

“That’s pretty high-risk.”

“Less risky if he’s stalking them in advance, running layouts and routines.”

“Between classes and part-time jobs, they’d be home sporadically at best.”

“Which tells us they’re not victims of opportunity. He targets them, then stalks them to know where they live and when they’re gonna be home.”

“Morgan, you and Reid go to the last victim’s apartment. Seaver, interview the roommate. Dave and I will go to the medical examiner’s.”

“Well, there’s no secure parking.”

“I rode a bike when I was in college.”

“That’s ‘cause you weren’t old enough to drive, Einstein.”

Oh my god, the Reid-Morgan bromance teasing is back. I love those two so fucking much.

“I could drive. It’s just the government wouldn’t issue me a license until I was fourteen.”

Oh, schooled!

“A lot of places for the unsub to hide out here.”

“Yeah, he could have easily grabbed her when she passed through here.”

“Yet she made it all the way to her apartment.”

“Where she should feel safe, but then he took that from her.”

“The number of stab wounds increases with each victim, yes?”

“Did the strike indicate any medical knowledge on the part of the unsub?”

“He hadn’t built his confidence yet.”

“He’s improving quickly.”

“He made the struggle last longer because he wanted her to suffer.”

“So now he’s starting to enjoy it.”

And I’m about to upchuck the strawberries and banana

“I’m Agent Derek Morgan. This is Dr. Spencer Reid.”

“He jimmied the lock on the window.”

“I guess he needed the privacy to complete the torture.”

“Well, most sadists like to kill on their own turf. This guy didn’t risk taking her to a secondary location.”

“Maybe something happened which makes the location of the kill significant. Look.”

“That’s something new.”

What is?

“He’s smearing the blood on the walls, exhibiting more control and rage over his victims, taking pleasure in the kill.”

Ew!

“It looks like he’s taking his anger out on women who represent someone he knows.”

“Yeah, like Edmund Kemper. He most likely can’t confront his true target yet, so he’s going after women who look like her until he can build up the confidence to complete his endgame.”

“So she wasn’t into the college scene.”

“Academically or for money?”

“Do you know where she heard about the part-time work?”

Craigslist ... yikes.

“The first victim, Monica Shanley’s, BFF reported that they were talking on the phone and hung up just before Monice stepped inside her apartment.”

“What does that get us?”

Phone time with the sexy goddess?

“Well, some neighbors heard loud screaming coming from Monica’s apartment at 11:12 pm.”

“At 11:15 they called 911.”

“11:26 cops arrived.”

“He’s able to strike, kill, and get out in less than 14 minutes?”

That’s one fast sicko.

“How’d it go?”

“According to her roommate, Amber worked odd jobs to make ends meet.”

“Could be where she met with the unsub. Garcia, get us a list of jobs that Amber worked the last few months, and look for personal checks she might have deposited as under-the-table payments.”

Oh, you smart Italian stallion.

“Copy that.”

“The unsub stalks his victims. He knows their routine.”

“He could attack them anytime they’re alone, even in their cars, but he chooses to attack them in their homes.”

“And waits for them to bolt the doors before he strikes.”

“He wants them to feel safe before he takes that away from them.”

“It’s about making them feel powerless in their own personal space.”

“So it’s physical and psychological torture.”

No shit.

So he killed a babysitter. Yikes. Poor baby.

“We profiled that he gets off by striking inside the victims’ homes. Why did he kill her here?”

“That’s a big change in MO.”

“Maybe Laurie had a roommate, so the unsub figured he’d have more time on the job.”

“Did he hurt the child?”

Thankfully, no.

“I’ll talk to them. You two go in.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins, I’m David Rossi with the FBI. Do you mind if I ask you some questions?”

“And how did you meet her?”

Again with the fucking Craigslist.

“How many people did you interview?”

“Did she talk about any boyfriends or say anything that may have raised an alarm?”

“And how long ago was that?”

So she had a boyfriend up till a month ago. Yikes.

“With an infant in the room, Laurie would have been at her most vulnerable.”

“Look at this.”

“He felt compelled to organize the supplies.”

“Look.”

Now, if it weren’t for the blood, I would have so many images of Daddy!Derek.

“Do you think the unsub fed the kid?”

“Then he stabs Laurie, so the kid probably starts crying.”

“Maybe he gave the kid the bottle in order to keep him quiet.”

“We might be looking for someone with a deep-rooted abandonment issue.”

“One who identifies with the child.”

“Or maybe the baby crying interfered with his enjoyment of watching the babysitter bleed out?”

“Well, either way, caring for the child would be psychological torture for Laurie.”

“Reid. Look at that.”

“She’s got several missed calls and a few texts from social networking sites.”

“‘What’s with the photo? Halloween isn’t for months’.”

“Speak, boy wonder, behold my might.”

XD

“Garcia, the latest victim Laurie Burgin was writing something on the internet last night. Can you figure out what it was?”

“Yeah. I was just tweeting myself. Uno momento.”

She tweets? Damn. I love this woman.

“Oh, God. Reid.”

“She managed to take a picture of the unsub before she died.”

Oh shit.

“Can’t really make it out.”

“I can tell you more. Laurie’s account was active two hours after that photo was posted.”

“And continued posting status updates after she died.”

Shit. That dude is fucking sick.

“‘Feeling faint at heart.’”

“‘All alone and too scared to cry.’”

“All right, this isn’t good. He’s mocking his victims now.”

“He sat here tweeting while Laurie bled to death.”

“All right, baby girl, listen. I need you to go through Laurie’s accounts. See who was following her and see who was messaging back.”

“On it.”

“All right, let’s get out of here, let’s get back to Hotch.”

“We got a photo and we got a profile.”

“Thank you, Garcia.”

“We’re looking for a while male in his early 20s.”

“And because he’s stalking his victims, we believe that he either works out of his house or a part-time job.”

“This unsub strikes in the home rather than the outside where he could more easily abduct his victims.”

“Now, this tells us that his social skills are most likely lacking and he may not have the confidence to talk to women.”

“His confidence with killing, however, is growing. He’s gone from hesitant strikes in the victim’s home to painting the walls with blood.”

“Our unsub is developing a taste for the kill. And his victims share similar features and backgrounds.”

“And we believe that they represent someone whom the unsub thinks has wronged him and he’s taking out his rage on them.”

“Because the unsub shows signs of one neat aspect and started killing suddenly and effectively with no break, we believe he was recently incarcerated or institutionalized.”

“Look at men who got out a month or so ago. Their records will show a history of violence, anger toward women and/or symbols of authority.”

“We need to warn all young women to be hypervigilant, especially in their online acquaintances, but also with service workers, maintenance staff, and deliverymen.”

Hey! Assholes, don’t make fun of my superheroes!

“No, but tell them to double-check IDs, call dispatch before they let anybody inside.”“Panic is inevitable, but we still need to keep everyone informed. Uniformed officers are posting warnings across campuses.”

“Now, since the Jenkins family found Laurie online, we believe the unsub may be using similar methods …”

“Profiles, job postings, anything that gives a little too much information that the unsub could use to hunt his victims.”

“And time’s not on our side. We think that he’s already got his next victim in his sights.”

“The account tracks back to an email address he created yesterday morning, IP address leads to a public terminal. That’s where the trail ends.”

“What about the Jenkins house?”

“He was tweeting with her prior to the assault.”

“The unsub hacked into the Jenkins’ Wi-Fi network.”

“Pretty smart for a guy who’s been locked up.”

“Yeah, he has gotten good at covering his tracks. How are you doing on a list of criminal records and releases?”

“Oh, right, that. Okay. I searched local college students, which is a lot, and I’m a masochist, so I went ahead and included military personnel because San Diego has a big naval and marine presence.”

“Combine those with those two pools and he’s swimming in criminal infractions.”

“All right, filter out sexual assault and lewd behavior.”

“Filtering at the speed of light, sir.”

Someone give her writers all the awards.

“And what about background financials on the victims? Is there any evidence of jobs being performed under the table?”

“Actually, in all cases there were personal checks deposited from several accounts, most under $100.”

So babysitting isn’t that financially beneficial.

“All right, send a list of account holders, and, Seaver, when you get them, start making phone calls.”

“What am I looking for?”

Another brain? Because you’re looking at babysitters, activate those neurons.

“Any victims who might have worked as babysitters.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Shit. Fucking Strauss is sticking her nose in everything. Fuck.

“We’ve delivered the profile and the locals are canvassing the area. Did you call for a field update?”

“How’s that?”

Wait. So now he has to run an assessment on himself? Isn’t that against protocol?

“My orders were to assess the team.”

“Is that an order?”

“Ma’am, with all due respect, we’ve got four women dead and we’ll probably have another one by the morning.”

“She’s relentless.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Did he get another babysitter?”

You bet your ass he did.

“Who’s that?”

“They were locked in here all night?”

“I’ll meet you guys inside.”

So he locked the mom and the baby in the beddroom while he killed the babysitter and daddy? Fuck.

And now he’s just the cutest little puppy thing ever comforting that lady and being the most amazing hunky thing ever.

“Hello, Amy. My name’s Derek Morgan. I’m with the FBI. I understand you’ve been through a great ordeal. I’d just like to ask you a few questions if that’s okay.”

Oh my cutie polite puppy.

“Did you happen to see the man who came in your home?”

“It’s okay. Take your time.”

“Did you hear anything while you were locked inside?”

“Jake suffered multiple stab wounds to the chest and abdomen. The sitter, Lily, got the brunt of it.”

“She could be the one he’s been after all along.”

Wasn’t that the whole point of this? He hates brunette babysitters?

“I don’t know. This guy’s meticulous. He plans everything out.”

“Then why didn’t he know the Ellisons were returning?”

“I think he did. I mean, the unsub was watching the house. He knew that they came home, but he just didn’t care. He adapted.”

“He went after the biggest threat first. He eliminated Jake in order to gain control over Lily and Amy.”

“There are two initial points of attack, one in the hallway outside the nursery and the other one here. Yet, both bodies ended up together.”

“Look at the way they’re posed, directly looking at each other.”

“He wanted them to watch each other die.”

“I think it’s more than that. This change in behavior could be the piece that we’re missing.”

“This guy knew the Ellisons were home, but he struck anyway. He could have taken out the entire family, but he chose to spare the mother and the child. Why?”

“With the Jenkins, the unsub actually fed the baby. Here, he spared the mother and locked her in a room with her son. It’s likely he’s protecting the children.”

“The addition of Jake Ellison caused the unsub to change his methodology.”

“For the first time he posed the bodies, and he’s also sexually violated one of the victims.”

“Okay, we have a father posed to look at a dying babysitter and a mother and child protected upstairs. That’s a pretty clear message.”

“Garcia, search for local women who died in their early 30s and they’re survived by a husband and at least one son. Go back 10-15 years. Cross that with new marriage licenses filled by surviving husbands.”

“The unsub’s always been troubled, Garcia, so look for youthful offenders who would have fit into the sociopathic triad.”

“Okay, I’ve got a few.”

“What about …”

“Here’s one. Greg Phinney, Chula Vista.”

“He was put into juvie when he was thirteen for … threatening his stepmom with a knife.”

“What do we know about the stepmother?”

“Kate Jones, aka the second Mrs. Phinney. Married Greg’s father a year after Greg’s mother was killed in a car accident. Greg was 11 at the time.”

“Mr. Phinney died four weeks ago.”

“Is there any evidence that Kate worked in the Phinney home before the mother’s death?”

“Oh, the plot solidifies. Kate cited additional income as caregiver on her tax returns when she was a college student. Payments trace back to the Phinneys.”

“Kate filed numerous reports against Greg for violent behavior, experimentation on animals. Greg’s father finally put the kibosh on things when he was seventeen, had him institutionalized.”

“Greg was released two weeks ago.”

“Just before the killings started.”

“Garcia,  where’s Greg Phinney now?”

“Yeah, that’s a good question. Oh, dear …”

What?

“Greg Phinney, FBI. Open the door!”

“He’s not in here.”

Captain Hot and OBvious.

“The bedroom’s clear.”

“Baby girl, can you tell me why Greg Phinney’s laptop has an employee login screen?”

“Well, lover, I have been doing some digging.”

“Did you know that he’s been working part-time as a data entry clerk at the San Diego Register?”

“If he was in an institution, where did he get the time to find a job?”

“Uh, he didn’t even have to look. This job is part of his work-release program. And twenty hours of internet privileges will go a long way.”

“That’s how he finds his victims. He browses the classifieds. Did he have access tos the customers’ personal information?”

“Oh, honey, he entered it.”

“That must be Kate Phinney.”

“Well, he’s obviously built up the confidence to confront her.”

“Garcia.’

“Reading your mind. Calling the others.”

I love those two.

“Greg’s not at home, so he’s probably already at Karen’s house.”

“Kate’s the object of his hostility. He’s gonna take his time.”

“Let’s light ‘em up. I’m sure he knows we’re coming.”

“Dave, take some uniforms and find the back door. I’m gonna try to get inside and talk to him.”

“You think that’s gonna work?”

“I don’t think Kate gets out of this any other way.”

Oh boy, what are they gonna do now?

“Greg Phinney, this is Agent Aaron Hotchner. I need to talk to you about your demands so you can let Kate go.”

So he’s a serial killer without demands? Well, that’s weird.

Wait. He’s blaming Kate in all of this? Why?

“What has she done?”

“Greg, I think this has more to do with your dad than it is about Kate.”

“Your dad put you away.”

“Greg, I need to ask you a very important question. Do you want to live?”

Well, that’s seriously worrying.

“I think you do. And if so, you need to let me in the house. Otherwise I can’t guarantee that you’re gonna walk out of there.”

“Seaver, I want you to come in with me. Leave your firearm here.”

“Be compassionate and sympathetic to him. Let him tell you how Kate betrayed him and how much you understand his devastation.”

Heh, he’s pissed he brought in Seaver. But he can smooth his way into anything, can’t you, Hotch?

“I know, but I thought if we talked inside we could work this out ourselves.”

“No guns.”

No guns? Have you lost your marbles?

“As long as you’ve got a gun, if one of the agents outside has a clear shot, he’ll take it.”

Sneaky Rossi.

“I don’t have a line of sight.”

“Tell me what you want Greg.”

“Don’t you really want Kate to apologize for making your dad forget your mom?”

“Unless the next words out of your mouth are ‘I’m sorry’, I don’t want to hear anything else from you.”

WHOA!

“I understand, Greg. I do.”

“She took care of you. You trusted her. And then she betrayed you as soon as your mother was gone.”

Spider-Rossi! (Flexibility and stuff)

“It must have crushed you when Kate married your dad.”

“How did it make you feel, Greg?”

“You felt betrayed, didn’t you, Greg?”

“Ask her the question, Greg. Go ahead. Ask her.”

Wait. So this whole fucking thing was about him being in love with his babysitter-turned-stepmom? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

No. Fucking. Way!

“Bring in backup.”

“No. I had to be aggressive towards you in order to gain Greg’s trust. None of this is your fault.”

Aw, that’s nice of you, b;ondie.

“Greg has always been troubled. Losing his mother and then his father made him even more unstable. Sometimes we do everything right and we still lose. Greg was a sociopath and there’s nothing you could have done to change that.”

“Good work, agent.”

“Hey. Nice job, kid.”

I love Rossi so fucking much!

Adrienne Rich: “Every journey into the past is complicated by delusions, false memories, false namings of real events.”

What the fuck does that even mean?

“Why, uh, why the interest in the well-being of my team?”

“What kind of concerns?”

“What’s going on?”

So Erin has problems and she needs to go away? Finally.

Heyo! So this episode had everything! Humor, sarecasm, banter, cutie patooties making me smile, and then that whole bit iwth the unsub being a total nutcase. Just what the Dr. Spencer Reid ordered XD I have faith in this show again XD

Alrighty, I gotta go finish up the reviews for this season and get cracking on seven (holy shit, where has time gone?)

Thank you so much for the ever-surprising support!

[notsoguiltykpop]

The Ghost in Apartment 1403 pt7

Reader x Namjoon

Genre: Angst, supernatural, fluff, humor

Warnings: Mentions of death, dark themes, generally kind of sad at times. If you are concerned that it may be triggering for you, please feel free to message me about it and I can let you know in more detail exactly what happens <3

Short summary;

Namjoon was a (relatively speaking) normal music producer moving up in the world–until he became a ghost. With no memory of what happened, and no idea what he’s doing still on earth, he haunts his old apartment–consequently bothering its new inhabitant (who also happens to be the only person who can see or hear him).

Part 1, 2 , 3, 4, 5, 6

Music filled the small apartment, drifting through the walls so the neighbors heard, out the window, and under the front door to where you stood. It was a lovely melody, one that sounded of longing and heartbreak, of losing something one knew they could never regain.

You were going to murder Namjoon.

You had no idea how, seeing as he was already dead and a ghost, but that didn’t change your intent as you made your way down the hallway, throwing open your bedroom door to see the spirit sitting at your keyboard. The moment you set eyes on him, his fingers could no longer play the keys, and the room fell silent.

“Excuse you, I was composing.” Namjoon snapped, turning around to see you fixing him with a glare. You blinked at him. He looked more transparent that usual for a moment, but was back to normal just as fast.

“At top volume? So all the city could hear? When the landlord comes over here because the neighbors are complaining about the noise, I’m the one who’s going to be in trouble, Namjoon. Now cut it out.”

Your room was a mess. Papers littered the floor, covered in handwritten notes and scribbled lyrics. You picked one of them up, examining it in the light.

“Do you know how boring it is to be dead?” Namjoon grumbled, looking back at your old, beaten up keyboard. “I used to make music every day. And now you want me to–what? Watch TV? I don’t want to.”

You fixed Namjoon with a blank stare. “You could at least keep the volume down.”

Namjoon shook his head. “The neighbors don’t mind. I used to play like this all the time when I was alive, they never complained.”

You rolled your eyes. “Just to give you a heads up, we’re having an exorcism next week.”

Namjoon raised an eyebrow at you. “Why? Have you been possessed by a demon? I guess it would explain some things…”

“No.” You rubbed your eyes. Namjoon was impossible. “It’s to get rid of you.”

“Oh.” Namjoon suddenly fell quiet. You weren’t sure what you expecting–maybe for him to be mad? Or perhaps to be happy?–but it certainly wasn’t for Namjoon to look sad.

“I thought you wanted to move on?” You asked gently, sitting down on the edge of your bed. “You’re always complaining about being a ghost.”

“That doesn’t mean I want to stop existing.” Namjoon muttered, his hands hovering just above the keys. “Why next week? Why not sooner?” He asked suddenly.

“Hoseok said he knows some people who can help, but they aren’t free any day this week.” You explained. Namjoon nodded.

“Can we try something first?” He asked, and you shrugged.

“Maybe. Depends on what it is.”

“See, I was thinking. About what kind of unfinished business I might have, I mean.” Namjoon looked at you, a determination in his eyes you hadn’t seen very often. “As a producer, I made tons of music, worked with loads of people, but one thing I never did was release any of my own music.”

“Okay?” You nodded for him to continue.

“I was halfway done with my album when I died. I think that’s what I was supposed to do.”

“Release an album?” You made a face. “That might be kind of hard to do, seeing as you’re dead and all.”

Namjoon shook his head. “I can keep working on it, and publish it anonymously. As long as my music’s out there somehow, it’s fine with me.”

“So where do I come in?” You asked, knowing that you weren’t going to like whatever it was Namjoon was going to tell you.

“I can keep working on it as long as I have a laptop and the files that I saved. I finished recording everything before I died, all that’s left is mixing and editing.”

“And?” You still didn’t see what you had to do, but knew you weren’t going to get away with nothing.

“And so I need the files. Which I can’t get.” Namjoon smiled nervously at you.

“How am I supposed to get them?” You asked incredulously, seeing what he was getting at.

Namjoon waved a hand dismissively. “It’ll be easy. They’re all saved into the company servers, all you have to do is get into the building, log into a computer as me, and download the files onto a thumb drive.”

“Right, that’s all I have to do…” You muttered. “Easy…”

“So you’ll do it?” Namjoon said hopefully.

“Of course not!” You snapped, walking out of the room. Namjoons plan was insane, and you would have no part in it.

You couldn’t believe Namjoon had talked you into this. You tried to ask him why he couldn’t just float into the company and email it to himself, but he had said something about there was no way to do that without attracting too much attention.

You weren’t sure how a random stranger sneaking into the building who clearly didn’t belong would raise less suspicion, but you figured Namjoon probably knew the company better than you did.

“Sorry ma’am, but you need to have some kind of ID…” The security guard at the door held a hand up before you entered the building.

“No, you don’t.” Namjoon snorted. “Just tell them you’re here to see Park Jimin and they’ll let you in.”

You did as Namjoon instructed, and for some reason, it worked. Once you were inside and fairly sure that no one was around, you whispered to Namjoon. “Why did that work?”

“Jimin has pretty girls visit him at the office all the time.” Namjoon shrugged. You wanted to ask Namjoon if you were correct in thinking that he had just implied that you were pretty, but you could hear footsteps approaching and didn’t want to be caught apparently talking to yourself.

“The stairs are straight ahead and to the left.” Namjoon informed you as you walked. “Take them instead of the elevator. You’re less likely to run into anyone.” You were almost there when you heard someone call your name.

You turned to see Jungkook waving to you, a smile on his face. He looked entirely different from the last time you saw him. He was much more put together, his hair combed back to reveal his forehead, and wearing a blazer that made him look older.

Seeing him smile was also something completely different, and you thought that if he hadn’t called out to you, you might not have recognized him.

“Hey, Jungkook. Good to see you.” You gave him a smile, though you were internally panicking. Yoongi had made it very clear that he didn’t want you anywhere near Jungkook, and you hoped that the elder of the two wasn’t also there somewhere. “What are you doing here?”

Jungkook gave you a strange look. “I work here. The real question is, what are you doing here?”

“I uh…” You were at a loss. You were there to steal songs that belonged to the dead Kim Namjoon, who wanted to release them on the internet, and there was no way you could think of to phrase that that didn’t sound insane. “You know, to be perfectly honest I was in the area and missing Namjoon, so I decided to stop by. It’s kind of dumb, I know…”

Jungkook shook his head quickly. “Not at all. I know how it is. Sometimes I find myself in his old office when I need advice about something. Grief does weird things, and we all deal with it differently.”

You had to be honest, you liked Jungkook, which made it that much harder to lie to him. “I’m really glad you understand, thanks.”

“Since when do you work on Saturdays?” Namjoon asked Jungkook, though the younger couldn’t hear him. “You never work overtime, and not once in your life have you ever worked weekends.”

You tried to ignore Namjoon, who was being absolutely no help.

“Of course I understand. Have you ever been here before? I can give you a tour, if you’d like.” Jungkook offered, and you agreed because you had no idea what else to do.

“Since when do you give tours?” Namjoon continued. “You hate it when people you don’t know see where you work, it makes you all fidgety and weird.” Namjoon glanced at you. “Unless you have a crush on her… In which case, no. Don’t do that. We have things to do, Jungkook. I don’t have time for you to try to flirt with her!”

You really wanted to tell Namjoon to shut up, but there was no way you could do that without sounding like you were saying it to Jungkook. Namjoon sounded jealous that Jungkook was getting all of your attention, but it was something you would have to wait to teas him about until later.

“Here’s where we do all the recording, the rooms are sound-proof, so sometimes artists practice in there…”

You were on the second floor, had no idea where you were supposed to be in order to download the files you were there for, and Namjoon was sulking.

“This is Namjoons office.” You had arrived at a door that had the name Kim Namjoon in bold script by the door. It looked so formal, so fancy, it didn’t fit the purple-haired-always-complaining-very-destructive ghost that you had gotten to know.

Jungkook pulled a set of keys from his pocket, which gained Namjoons attention. “Technically, I’m not supposed to let unauthorized people in, but isn’t not like you’re going to take anything, right?” Jungkook said the words lightly, and you tried to laugh along with him. It made a horrible guilt settle in your chest.

“Of course not. And thank you, Jungkook. For showing me around and all.”

Jungkook shrugged. “In all honesty, it gave me an excuse to avoid sitting at my desk for a while, so I should thank you.”

“I knew it!” Namjoon said triumphantly. “I knew you’d never really work on a weekend.”

“Everything is just the way he left it.” Jungkook said as he opened the door. “A little dustier, maybe. Old Mr. Bang can’t quite bring himself to give the room to someone else, I think he still hopes… Anyway, I have first dibs on it, but for now it just sits here…”

“Jungkook?” You said as you walked into the office. It was nice, far nicer than what you had imagined. One wall was taken up by a bookcase, the others covered in posters and old vinyls.

“Hm?” Jungkook had wondered over to the window, opening it to let some fresh air into the dusty room.

“Can I ask for one last favor?”

Jungkook nodded as he turned around. His eyes were big and trusting, and you hated that you were about to betray that trust yet again.

“Can I have a few minutes in here alone? I know it’s a weird request, I just feel closer to him here…”

“Of course.” Jungkook said before you even finished your sentence. “Just pull the door locked when you’re done.”

You sat down at the large desk, Namjoon floating over to hover behind you. Jungkook pulled the door mostly shut behind himself when he left, and you listened as his footsteps got further away.

“Alright, Namjoon.” You opened the dusty laptop that was still plugged into the wall. “Lets do get this over with.”

A/N Idk what this fic is tbh but I do enjoy writing it. Once again I am posting without proper proofreading, so I’ll check it in the morning. I apologize for any glaringly obvious mistakes. Poor Reader just wants to be left alone, and Namjoon might get her into some major trouble if they’re not careful… Thank you for reading, and let me know what you thought of this update! <3 <3 <3

[findarainbow]

This is by @furiousgoldfish I didn’t know how to bold it

Was I sexually abused in childhood by adults? Checklist. Bold the ones that happened to you, italicize if you’re unsure. This is an extremely triggering list, please proceed only if you’re ready to go through this.

Psychological and verbal sexual abuse perpetuated by adults

adults looking at you sexually (even if they don’t vocalize it, you can usually sense that someone is looking at you with weird intentions)

adults vocalizing their sexual views of you, calling you sexual names, commenting on you in a sexual way, objectifying you and acting like you exist only for their pleasure

adults calling you sexual slurs

adults commenting on your private parts in any way that makes you uncomfortable (pretty much any kind of talk that is not about giving you objective information, or medical assistance)

adults implying in any way they wish to have sex with you (“only if you were older”, calling you jailbait or anything in similar context)

adults blaming the shape of your body, or your appearance, for their sexual interest of you

adults claiming your body is “sinful” or “provocative” or “asking for it” and forcing you to cover it

adults saying any sexual thing they would like to do to you, or implying that any part of you exists for their pleasure

adults insulting your private parts and humiliating you

adults comparing you to pornography or other sexually provocative adults

adults exposing you to pornographic materials (even if you accidentally stumble on them, it was their responsibility to protect you from that)

adults forcing you to look at pornographic materials

adults sending you any kind of nude or sexual images or materials

adults telling you in detail about their experiences of sexual abuse and rape

adults humiliating you for development of your body and any changes you’re going thru

adults humiliating your bodily functions

adults watching you masturbate, or trying to expose you to others

an adult claiming that you enjoy sexual acts, or the idea of them, and humiliating you based on their claims

an adult claiming that you are filthy and perverted for “liking certain sexual acts”

adults managing to engage in conversation with you online and turning it sexual

adults asking you to send them images or videos of yourself via internet or phone, and coercing you into sexual conversations and behaviour

adults influencing you into touching yourself or into any other sexual act (online or in person)

adults making you feel “used” or “damaged” after they touched you or imposed the idea that you’re only good while pure and untouched

Parental sexual abuse (though anything on this list can be perpetuated by parent)

parents denying your privacy and demanding you have to be exposed to them at all times (when changing clothes, bathing, etc)

parents exposing you to, and failing to protect you from sexual predators

parents failing to provide you with proper medical care and protection when you need it

parent blaming you for sexual abuse, and siding with your abuser

parents accusing you of sexual behaviour and attacking you for it

parents imposing the myth of virginity on you and insisting non-virgins are impure or dirty

parents exposing you to false information on sex (you should bleed, or that it should hurt)

parents failing to provide you positive touch, making you easily accept touch from strangers

Sexual grooming done to children so they wouldn’t resist or even detect sexual abuse

adults introducing you to sexual experiences very early on so you wouldn’t feel there’s something un-normal or predatory about it as you grow up

adults grooming you into thinking that sexual advances from adults mean you’re special and mature, and it’s a good and normal thing

an adult bonding with you as if you were their age, trying to make you feel special and have you lower your guard around them, so you’d be more easy to sexually abuse later

adults inviting your flirtatious or sexual behaviour and approving of it, engaging in activities as if it’s okay if you started it or showed interest in them

adults taking your interest and affection towards them as an excuse that they’re allowed to do anything they wish with you, and making it seem like you asked for it

adults neglecting to give you any sort of attention except sexual, coercing you to choose between presenting yourself in sexual way, or being completely ignored and neglected and written off as “worthless”

an adult trying to make you feel bad if you don’t like the idea of sex, or don’t seem to want to engage in sexual activities at all, or seem hesitant about it

an adult implying that eventually you will have to have sex, no matter if you wanted or not

an adult teaching you how you should react to sex, trying to get you to ignore your instincts and boundaries and just accept whatever is happening to you

an adult telling you that “everyone does this” and making you feel like you’re behind on everyone if you refuse their sexual advances

an adult telling you about others they’ve sexually abused and trying to get you to normalize this type of behaviour and accept that it happens to everyone

an adult making decisions about your sexuality and telling you what you should enjoy sexually

an adult exposing you to grooming materials where group of people you can relate to are being used as sexual outlets or toys (used as sexual slaves or pets, dehumanized and reduced to toys)

an adult implying that you are or will be anyone’s “property” or “sexual outlet” and trying to “prepare you for it”

adults using their position of power (teachers, authority figures, coaches) to ease you into accepting their sexual advances

adults getting upset and making you feel bad if you don’t like the idea of sex or aren’t interested

adults praising you if you do accept their sexual advances and trying to ease you into accepting more

adults trying to get you addicted to pain and into craving sexual attention from them

adults calling their sexual abuse “love” and trying to frame it as “them loving you”

adults framing their sexual abuse as a “game” and you’re supposed to play along

adults doing anything to you that you didn’t know is sexual and abusive, and would absolutely resist had you known that it was abuse, and that it would leave heavy psychological consequences on you

Physical sexual abuse perpetuated by adults

adults using sexual abuse (spanking, any kind of hitting or humiliation of your private areas) as a punishment for misbehaviour

an adult trapping you inside of a room or closed space and acting physically close with you, making you feel uncomfortable and endangered while you know it would be hard to escape

adults slapping, hitting, groping or fondling your private areas

adults exposing your underwear or touching it (snapping your bra, lifting your skirt, pulling on your underwear)

TW extremely triggering sexual abuse and rape

an adult kissing your mouth

an adult groping or fondling you

an adult undressing you and looking at you with sexual desire

an adult coercing you into undressing yourself in front of them and ogling your body

an adult taking a picture of you naked and using you to create child pornography

an adult sharing a sexual picture of you on the internet or any other media

an adult filming you or making any kind of sexual recording of you

an adult coercing you to get into sexual poses for them (even professionally, it’s still abuse)

an adult staring at your genitals or asking you to expose yourself to them

an adult exposing their genitals in front of you

an adult touching themselves in front of you

an adult having you touch them sexually

an adult having you tell them that you want to be touched in your private areas

an adult having you tell them to do sexual things to you (even if you say it by your own will, they are responsible for stopping you and letting you know it’s inappropriate, they have no right to sexually engage with you)

an adult sneaking into your bed and touching you sexually

an adults speaking to you as if you’re their sexual partner

an adult having you touch themselves in front of them

an adult having sexual intercourse with you (it doesn’t matter if they do it gently or if you initiated it or if you didn’t resist, it’s rape, children cannot consent to sex)

an adult engaging in oral, anal, or any kind of sex with you, or making you interact with any object sexually

an adult inflicting any kind of pain or injury on your genitals

an adult coercing you to have sexual relations with another adult or child

an adult harming you sexually

an adult praising you for enduring their sexual abuse and rape, trying to frame it as if you’ve done a good thing by staying silent or not resisting

an adult having you say that you wanted it

an adult saying that you provoked them into sexually abusing you

an adult calling their sexual behaviour “a secret” you’re not allowed to tell anyone

an adult threatening to hurt you, your family, or someone you love if you expose their sexual behaviour

an adult threatening to expose what they’ve done to you in order to humiliate you and cast shadow on your name

an adult blackmailing you with sexual materials they’ve made of you

*it’s impossible for children to stop or resist sexual abuse, because if an adult is willing to rape a child, that adult is willing to kill a child as well, child’s instincts stop them from resisting in hope their life will be spared

*children are never responsible for sexual abuse being inflicted on them, not if they ask for it, not if they initiate it, adults are responsible for protecting children for abuse, and if they use anything as an excuse to gain pleasure from molesting a child, they’re monsters

*if any of this is done to you by another child, it is still abuse, it still causes harm to you, and you still suffer consequences of it, your body is still being violated weather the perpetuators knows what they’re doing or not

*all of these are abusive even when you’re an adult, after turning 18 you’re not magically protected from grooming or any kind of abuse, and a lot of people can still take advantage of you sexually and harm you, nobody should be grooming or objectifying you or touching you without your consent at any stage in your life

*if your body reacts with arousal and lubrication to sexual abuse, it’s not a sign of you enjoying or liking it, your body is doing it for self protection, it would harm you much worse to be raped or abused without lubrication, same with orgasms, not a sign of pleasure, but desperation for it to be over

if you can bold 3 or more of these, you’ve been thru sexual abuse as a child.

[jestbee]

June 30: Ships that pass in the night (Chapter Ten)

[carbonsequestrian]

man i dont even know if i should share this because it’s super weird/ poorly written/ doesn’t make any sense but i feel like i keep too much too myself so here is a block of text i wrote and didn’t edit and if you read it, i love you.

Well, id like to kick off my music blogging career with a piece about a song that has continued to inspire me since the moment I heard it about 5 years ago. Something about the song awakens this dragon in me… or rather, something about the song awakens a knight that is about to go and slay a dragon, and that feeling crashes into every fiber of my being resulting in me feeling fucking powerful. Idk what the secret is. I wish I had found this sound when  I did a song analysis project for my freshman writing seminar back in college. (I chose Sublime’s Santeria for that project… and it was a shit show. Believe it or not, trying to write 10 pages about a song that doesn’t inspire every fiber of your being is insanely difficult. Lesson – if you have to write a lot, write about something you fucking love and admire.)

 The song is Don’t Waste Time Doing Things You Hate by And So I Watch You From Afar of their self titled 2009 release. I think it’s their debut album. Anyway, the band makes instrumental rock music. Stuff that superheroes and supervillains alike would use as a theme song. I discovered them from Worldhaspostrock on youtube, so check them out.

 Of course, now that im sitting down to write about the song I cannot think of any words to say about it. Lovely how that happens. Especially after bragging about how easy it is to write about something you love. HA>

If you’ve ever done something you hate, you sure know how that feels. Part of you feels trapped -momma didn’t raise no quitter – and another part of you is too busy daydreaming about what you’d rather be doing to formulate a plot to get you there. Feeling stuck doing something you hate is exactly how I felt when I discovered this song. I chose my major at college based on what a guy who I’d met over the internet was studying, he called me pretty and would send me ‘good morning’/ ‘sweet dreams’ texts, so we were obviously super serious. And I was going to study the same thing as him and we would conquer the world together, duh. Lo and behold, I hated my major. And because I hated my major, I didn’t really fit in with any of the people I met through my major. There was one chick who I liked because she hated it too, but we were very different people. I did sports in college instead of joining a music group (being in an acapella group was a last minute goal of mine) because A. everyone in my family was super sporty B. no one in my family thought very highly of music and C. I was fucking terrified of it. Every bit of it sends anxiety chills down my spine and up my toes. Singing in front of people in a room? Singing with people? Having people rely on you to do your thing correctly in order to achieve a desired result? Fuck that’s anxiety inducing. And let me make this clear, I don’t have stage fright. But I do have Perfectionist Block (a totally real issue, created by me, ill discuss it further in another post) which makes me extremely hard on myself.

 So anyway, to paint the picture – 20 year old me is in the library for the 50th hour that week (no kidding, I went to Cornell, and seriously spent 6-10 hours a day in the library studying during regular term. Finals/ testing weeks, it’d double) looking for upbeat instrumental music that could make me feel like a bad ass and I find this band. The first song I found by them was The Voiceless, off the same album. That song fucking slaps. I must’ve listened to it 30 times before saying “hey, why don’t I check out their other stuff?” and thus gave this album a listen. I was so stressed that week, so tired, felt so lost and alone. I hated every fucking minute of my life but I was pushing through it because I wanted to make my mom proud. Every morning I would angrily get ready for class, pissed off that elitism and this desperate urge to prove oneself through menial shit such as ‘ivy league’ degrees would push someone to find the line of their breaking point and balance on it. All for what? If I died tomorrow, who could speak of who I am? At cornell, I was a cornell student. That was it. By being there, I wasn’t anything of myself anymore. I wasn’t strong, I wasn’t funny, I wasn’t good with animals, I wasn’t a hard-worker, I wasn’t smart – though, those last traits were implied – I simply became a product of an institution. One that I loved, don’t get me wrong. I had been looking for reassurance/ acceptance/ approval my entire life, and that letter that I got from a world renowned school was it – so I thought. But then I got there and my imposter syndrome went wild. I wasn’t truly smart, or good at learning. In fact, high school had been so easy for me that I was able to scrape by with great grades without ever working on schoolwork outside of school (I’d do my work during lunch, when I would eat in the chorus room/ my English teacher’s room since I had no friends.) at school, I thought I’d made friends, but they ditched me when I needed them most. In retrospect, I should’ve been more forgiving – no one’s perfect -  but ill blame my poor socialization through high school here. I saw kids who worked their asses off day and night. A 16 year old math prodigy lived in my hall. And I had nothing to show for my intelligence outside of the fact I was able to take enough HS classes in middle school that I’d manage to have 4 hours of school my senior year (typically, that time would be so that kids could take extra APs. But I said fuck that.)

 Truth is,  I was so insecure and unsure of myself that being thrown into the lava pit that is college – any college, not just an ivy league – was emotionally and mentally overwhelming. I found myself getting drunk to the point of almost dying most nights. Every time with strangers. I’d often go to the bridges, where so many had leapt to their deaths before, and ponder if that’s where I belonged. Crashing amongst the rocks and water in the gorges. Man, I was fucking depressed. And a ball of anxiety. I had no real identity, you’d ask me what I liked or what I wanted from my life and I’d have no real answer. My answer would vary based on what youtube videos I had been watching that week. I was so scared of being judged.

 Point is, I found nothing that I felt a connection to. Not my major. Not my peers. Occasionally my surroundings, but typically only in the morbid, I’d like to throw myself off this sort of way. Life is so much more complex than those things, and truth is, ill never really be able to explain away all of the different shit in my life that was bringing me down. Making me feel worthless. Dumb. Like I didn’t belong. And the first thing that I felt like understood this, was this song. Even writing that out I feel like it confirms my worst fears, that I am worthless/ delusional/ crazy/ not even a real person. How does one go through 20 years of life and can only feel connected to a pile of noises that a stranger has made and recorded? Wavelengths generated by someone else’s finger tips never felt so good. They resonated through my brain and spoke to my soul. It was like I was being sucked into a black hole and obliterated to nothing. And that was what I needed, because I was able to look at who I was and take a chance to rebuild. To change.

 With no one to talk to, no one who understood me, and no real goals or aspirations in my life/ being too crippled by fear to even take a chance to achieve my goals/ aspirations in life, I darted in the complete opposite direction. Left that ‘dream school’ for a state school 2000 miles away. I still waste plenty of time doing things I hate, but every day I try to do my best to find the things I love. It’s been a long hard road, and I am so unsure of myself. I realize I’ll never have the validation I seek, at least not externally. Still, going to cornell is my greatest achievement and those close to me hold a grudge that I left without fulfilling my diploma. And looking back, I could’ve done it. Taken some time off, sought a therapist outside of the free service offered, opened up to some of the people I had met. Hindsight is 2020. And im here now.

 This song means the world to me. The suspense of the guitar plucking in the intro is an emotion I was swallowed in. the anger and noise of the guitars from 1:11-1:30 was how I felt every morning when I looked at the day ahead. The desperation of the guitars at 2min how I looked at the people around me, who appeared to have their shit all together. Their heads above the water. Looking at me drowning below the surface. But I had a smile on my face, so I must have been fine. Then the clarity that comes at 3mins. The music starts to feel like it’s getting itself together. 3:35-4:15, when big changes happen. And the la la lalalalalas. That’s how I was, just “la de da-ing” my way through life, not really thinking about what I was going to take from this world and my short time getting to experience it. The song gets progressively happier, and calmer, as I hope my own life will be, though I’m still in my 3min phase when it feels like it’s starting to get itself together.

 Ill always hold onto the hard times I went through at school. And ill wish everyday for a time machine, so I could go back in time and tell 18 year old me to just chill and ‘discover yourself, man’ before going to a place that has so much potential. Because the truth is, I was too insecure to be successful at such an institution. I still think I’m too insecure. But at least now I know, and I’m not living under this idea that because I got into a good school I am a good person and good things will come to me.