#because the medical stuff needs my focus more
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I'm glad they started implementing letting me make appointments online. Helps a lot with my phone anxiety, and also gives me a comment box to play with.
Also, sorry for absence lately. Anemia is bad enough that I've been doing frequent doctor appointments and have been too drained to do much else. See hematologist next week, and the plan is to start doing infusions again to hopefully prevent needing to go inpatient since I'm right on the cusp of needing to go in for blood instead of iron.
#snark life#blood tw#hospital mention#still need to get the thing sorted with paypal#as much as my inner scrooge mcduck hates it#i might have to just suck it up that I was double charged and just pay the money to paypal#because the medical stuff needs my focus more#about to be a new month so the money will come in and I can do that#also need to get a new mattress this month#just rambling now
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#so one half of the couple i'm house/dogsitting for had an unexpected medical emergency on their trip#which -- i won't go into details but it culminated in a pretty serious diagnosis and emergency major surgery#and now they're coming home today after getting medevac transport back to california#and have asked me to stay here for a few more days while they settle in#as the one who had the emergency needs 24/7 care during recovery but is being released from hospital to recover at home#and they need someone to basically keep looking after the dog/keep her from getting in the way while they figure out what care he needs#anyway i agreed to stay a few days like they asked#which means i'm trying to finish my coursework before they get back later this afternoon but man my focus levels are LOW#and honestly they have been for several days at this point because once again it seems that waiting to hear about medical stuff has become#somewhat of a panic response trigger for me since the extended nightmare of february this year with my dad#and mostly i've been able to compartmentalize but the energy that takes has truly wiped me out#to the point that i'm genuinely shocked it hasn't set off a fibro flare up (touch wood)#also i really don't know this couple very well at all -- they're mostly friends of my parents-in-law#i've looked after their dog for them several times over the past couple of years#but obviously that's been while they aren't home#and i've only had fairly brief interactions with them#so i do feel a bit awkward about being here while they're going through something so serious and personal#but they're nice people and they need the help and i'm able to provide it so i'm gonna push past that#anyway just a tag post venting thing
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I'm taking adderall for the first time in two years and my brain is freaking out but in a different way from before so.... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#i actually kinda feel more scattered than before which seems counterintuitive#but I think it's like. I wasn't able to focus on anything at all and now I have focus it's just jumpy#idk I'm hoping I level out a bit soon#also I lost five pounds in two days#aderall shuts all of my hunger signals OFF off#my stomach was cramping this morning and I was like ??????? and then I remembered I ate a granola bar for dinner#that I also just have to find a balance in because the way I eat when I'm trying to medicate brain fog with food isn't really healthy either#back when I first statted adderall I felt like I COULDN'T eat so I'm doing better than then#idk I wish medicating was more easy and straightforward#i wanna be better and productive RIGHT NOW and it's not really happening and I don't know when to push myself and when to give myself grace#because if I have it my way I won't do anything. ever.#anyways brain freaking out#cant tell if I'm overstimulated or understimulated?#it's probably just because I have so much stuff I need to do but all of it stresses me out#maybe i need like. an unrelated project#but then i feel bad for not doing things I'm supposed to do#maybe i should make a schedule#ugh#my rambles
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ah. just found out why i hate the whole "our attention spans have been ruined by modern technology" thing. it's because all the "symptoms" they're calling pathetic & sad & rage-inducing is literally just ADHD. that's my brain. like. that's how i live, phone or not. i guess we're just reinventing "you have to be looking the teacher in the eye to show them you're paying attention or else detention" then?
#''i can't watch a show without being on my phone!'' yeah cool i've been doing that since before i even had a phone#since before cellphones were even a regular occurrence & were more for work than a necessity#i'd be drawing & making things & writing & eating & looking around at stuff too#like. it's not evil. i think you just don't have enough regular stimulation in your life#like if you find you're super bored you have to get a hobby i think#because boredom for me is my brain being starved of dopamine. so i'm kind of laying on the floor bleeding out metaphorically#& being told to just get up & put a bandaid on it. for everyone else it's a papercut so they really can do that#normal boredom is just. doing two things at once if i'm getting it right? & that's just my day to day#so it's weird seeing people being all ''imagine not being able to focus on only one thing'' because. like. yeah. i don't gotta imagine dude#i literally have ''needs to multitask or else i'll shrivel up & die'' disorder#''but what about medication'' doesn't work that way my guy
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I dont think I've talked about this before, or more than in a single sentence tag... and we (disabled community) had the conversation earlier this year, and before and before and before. That disability spaces need to be open to caregivers, obviously, if someone needs them for it to be an accessible space. I get the focus on disability spaces since obviously, being disabled and being excluded, not even by physical barriers or something, from disability spaces, by rules that could be changed in a second to allow your carer(s) in, is fucking heartbreaking and stuff.
But also we need this energy for all spaces please. I remember being like 17, and my supportive mother found a local queer group online that she had reached out to to help her with resources for my medical transition. They invited us over to talk irl, it was alright (it was before my AAC so I didnt communicate beyond head shake / nod, barely) and then they offered me to join their trans group for support emotional. When my mother explained that I dont do things alone (autism), that I cant, that its dangerous for me, they told her she as my carer couldnt be there because shes cis. They would rather fully exclude me, then allow my carer to join.
Its genuinely time people see carers as purely extensions of the disabled person in many areas & situations. They allow us access. Without them, there is no us. She would not be there to speak as a cis person, perhaps speak at all aside from voice my needs, ... but still. Rules are rules, think about the others.
Well, no one thought about 17 year old disabled me who did not leave the house alone. Who had zero queer community in real life. It could have been worked out. Trialed. Explained. Worked through. But No.
And dont let me get into covid restrictions that limited some spaces to one person x the professional / etc, where people had to break laws to allow me access or turn me and my carer away.
#actually autistic#autistic adult#autistic community#actually disabled#disability#disabled queer#queer community
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Saw my psychiatrist today...
I really don't like her and she intimidates me and makes so uncomfortable that I blank when talking to her and forget everything I wanted to say.
It sucks.
#rach rambles#look i have a laundry list of mental problems#I'm on the sprectrum plus adhd plus DID plus ptsd#on top of a major depressive disorder and an anxiety disorder#i can't control my depression and anxiety#i can just try to make it less bad by managing stuff that happens to me#but her motto is 'you have no reason to feel this way therefore you having nothing wrong with you'#and 'just get a job and try harder to be normal and that will fix you'#she shoves all the real work to my therapist because she just doesn't get me#'you need to stop making your life about everyone else and focus on you and YOU have nothing wrong with you'#i tell her that my thyroid problems have been making me more depressed extremely more tired and#my adhd has been making it really really really hard to focus on anything#and she's just brushes it aside because 'meh you're already being medicated you just need to chill'#gdi she comes off as so ableist
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Fun/Interesting details in Expiration Date
Heavy knows that Pauling is calling them, and lets Scout be the one to answer. Also, road safety because he’s not distracted driving.
Medic is so hyped about tumor bread.
Hoovy smelling the sandwich and deciding it’s safe to eat [or that it doesn’t matter at this point].
Pyro standing like that. He don’t know what’s going on, but he’ll still be polite. Also, Sniper just chillin in the back with a poker face the whole time.
Medic smiles at Soldier as they walk past. Engineer’s got that Conhager death-cheating focus at the moment.
Spy’s eyes widen angrily when he realizes it’s Scout at the door and then he smirks like; “Oh hi! Twelve hours was enough time for you to get bored of my absence, then?”, not expecting a sincere apology [maybe one orchestrated by the other teammates, but not Scout].
There was some vitriol behind that “***”, look at his nose. He does not want Scout to gloat, try to prank him again, or give a fake apology. And that’s valid, since the team dying is something Scout should have taken seriously, and the last wishes handled with respect. He crossed a line that Spy doesn’t take lightly.
Dad, I threwed up. But in all seriousness, that’s the “My family is dysfunctional, and I don’t know how to be emotionally honest with people” posture.
See my bucket scene analysis for more on these two.
He didn’t say “You’re terrible with girls” in a snide or smug tone, he said it with like actual parental concern. “Scout, no you have three days! Do you want to die rejected or die before you can enjoy being together? No. Don’t do this to yourself.”
Look at that cup, he did not need a refill. This fake smirk and disinterest is Spy’s way of checking how serious Scout is about this last wish and taking his advice. And when he goes “This never leaves this room��� Spy perks up.
Medic was taking a sample of bread tumor puss [or injecting it with something].
They have a whole entire wrestling ring, how did I never notice that?
This is one of those multiple choice questions where you can choose more than one answer and have it be right. But the chicken in combination with the other options looses you points, and just taking the chicken is like the token wrong answer.
Spy sighs when he realizes Scout chose just the chicken. Like chile, I gave you multiple options and you still went with your go-to that doesn’t work!
This room has a gym floor, which implies Spy took a bunch of fancy stuff from one of his rooms just for this date training. Also shoutout to the other teammates for helping with this.
Okay, so most of these decorations came from Pyro, who Scout is terrified of. Archimedes came from Medic, who Scout also doesn’t want to make angry, and the grass cutouts are potentially part of the base camouflage. But that disco ball? That belongs to Scout, he just doesn't want anyone to know he’s real into that. [The team would not judge, but his brothers would, so.]
Man when he gets his heart broken, I hope he finds the right girl for him. He deserves better than Pauling always making excuses to turn him down instead of telling him like it is.
Foreshadowing Solly being romantical towards Zhanna. Look at this content man.
Spy holding his knife like this. There’s no reason for it to be a threat, so he’s just genuinely in the habit of doing this while listening. Or while nervous, which also makes sense.
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Here's what's going on in Ohio right now. Heavy stuff ahead.
First, I want to apologize for the misinformation in my original post. I am still learning about legislative processes. To correct: the changes to ODH and OMHAS in regards to gender therapy are not a bill, they are changes in regulations.
This is important because citizens CAN affect rule changes. There is an open commentary period where your submissions get counted and can affect how they write new regulations.
Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer, legal advocate, or medical professional. I'm just a dude who had to have it all explained to me.
The first one is Ohio Mental Health and Addiction Services. The rules proposed would make the already prohibitive process of gender transition even harder. In order to diagnose and treat gender dysphoria, a hospital needs to have a board certified psychologist per patient, a board certified endocrinologist familiar with the age group being diagnosed per patient, and a medical ethicist overseeing the hospital's plan for transition. 'Board certified' does not guarantee that the specialist is trans-friendly. It must include a detransition plan. Hospitals would have to report compliance annually. The professionals must have a contractual relationship with the patient, but do not need to offer in-person care. (In this instance, I'll get to that in the next rule change.)
This rule also deems it impermissible to prescribe gender transition care (this includes hormones, puberty blockers, or drugs) for anyone under the age of 21 without the approval of the professionals mentioned and 6 months of therapy.
There is an exception for intersex people, who may have their sex assigned to them without their consent.
The open comment period for this ends January 19 at 5pm.
Send an email to [email protected] with the subject title: "Comments on Gender Transition Care Rules."
The second one is Ohio Department of Health and it repeats a lot of the same as the first one. However, the focus is more on the regulation of doctors and paperwork. Anyone seeking transition will be put into a registry with their name redacted, but demographics like age, agab, specific diagnosis (difficult to achieve with the new regulations mentioned above), and any medications (not just related to gender transition, but any medications at all). Any cessation of care must be reported within 30 days.
This is a lot of paperwork and can overburden hospitals.
That 30 days cessation is important because if a person transfers doctors or if a clinic closes and the paperwork isn't filed, it may count as a 'detransition' when tallying demographics, even if that is not the case.
But what's curious is that the ODH regulations DO require in-person care. The rules are contradictory and vague.
The comment period for this ends Feb 5th.
Send a comment through the ODH website
Here are some important things that were mentioned at the meeting:
This is a good time to be personal with your statements. If this would disrupt your life in any way, please say so. "I fear that" "I believe this" "I worry that"- these are great ways to start your comment. An example one person gave is "I worry that this change in regulations would force me and my daughter to move out of state.'
With that being said, anything that you send to these sites will be public record, so be cautious about what you reveal about yourself in your comment.
If you are in need of help, please reach out to one of these resources:
Trans Ohio Emergency Fund Resource Page
Kaleidoscope Youth Center
If you are in need of legal advice on how to navigate all this, please call
888-LGBT-LAW
This is not everything. There is unfortunately more because Ohio decided to break a record this month with anti-trans motions. But today I'm focusing on things that we can take action on.
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So I may have been browsing through your AEIWAM tag and came across your writing of Komamura saying it's too hot in summer when you have a fur coat you can't take off. By that logic he's gonna always be sitting beside Hitsugaya in Captain meetings if he can swing it, especially in the early days, cause that boy is like a mini air conditioner next to him. XD
Wolves are winter creatures. The double coat, the snowshoe paws, the proclivity for cuddlepiles- if Sajin could move somewhere that never got above 40F he'd be in heaven. Alas, he lives in a major city that hits triple digits in the summer, so he keeps close track of the little pieces of winter he can find.
The first person to realize his little game was Unohana. She knew about the wolfman thing- Yamamoto trusts her as much as Sasakibe, and persuaded Sajin that, should a medical emergency arise, it should not also be a medical surprise.
She is of course, the pinnacle of Medical Confidentiality.
...but his name came up during one of the Shinigami Women's Association meetings/boozing sessions, and a distinct schism appeared.
On one side was Soi Fon, Nanao, and Herself, who all found Komamura to be very polite, professional and reliable if somewhat reticent and at times, aloof.
"I swear I can't get more than three words out of him!" Nanao despairs.
"I like him. He knows how to Shut Up." Soi Fon agrees.
"He's a very private man." Unohana nods.
Across the table, Isane and Rukia are baffled.
"Captain Komamura? Ten feet tall, bucket head? That Komamura?" Rukia the so-called Ice Princess asks, gesturing to indicate their height disparity. "What the fuck are you talking about? He's SUPER friendly and will hang around to talk FOREVER."
"Yeah, every time I go to the 7th he always asks me to stay for lunch and wants to know how everyone in my family is doing and swap horror stories from the ER for tales of crazy people in the intake queue." Agrees Isane, wielder of the ice cloud Itegumo. "It's embarrassing, but one time I was more than two hours late getting back because we get to talking!"
Everyone stares at everyone else, baffled.
"Did- did I do something to piss him off?" Wonders Nanao.
"Huh. Maybe he just picked up on how much I hate small talk on the job?" Soi Fon shrugs.
Unohana is silent, thinking.
"GUESS WHO BROUGHT TEQUILA!!" Matsumoto Rangiku announces as she kicks in the door, holding four bottles of liquor, only three of which were still full.
"We need you to settle a debate!" Rukia demands at once.
"Ooh! I love passing judgement on things that don't effect me!" Rangiku coos, sitting down, her chest making an odd 'clunk' sound on the table "- there's also salt and limes!"
"It kinda effects you." Soi Fon waved her hand noncommittally. "How would you describe Captain Komamura?"
"Tall, Heavily Armored and Mysterious?" Rangiku shrugs, pulling the box of kosher salt out of her cleavage.
"...more like his personality." Isane clarified.
"Oh! Uhh... You know what? He's one of the few people that's ever complimented me on streamlining like 80% of the paperwork we have to do." Rangiku nodded, fishing the limes out as well. "Always has stuff done waaaay before I expected and I feel like a bit of a jerk for not replying immediately, but never complains if my stuff comes in late."
"Does he hang around and talk, or is he just really businesslike?" Nanao asks, eyes narrowed behind her glasses.
"Hmm..." Fowns Rangiku. "Kinda varies by the day- Sometimes he's all business, other times he'll stay and chat. I always assumed he wants to talk but sometimes he's got work, you know?"
There is much confused muttering as the limes are cut, when Unohana raises a finger.
"...How is he with Lieutenant Hitsugaya?" She asks.
"Oh, he ADORES Toshiro!" Rangiku nods enthusiastically, salting her shot glass. "He actually does the majority of Toshiro's Bankai training now because The Old Man handed it off to him so he could focus on teaching Zaraki Everything But Kendo- which, bless him for doing that, Shiro-kin could literally freeze my tits off!- and he really does a good job listening to Toshiro's concerns and confusions- he's a sensitive boy, you know? And Koma-kun is so gentle with him and to be honest I always eavesdrop on his advice because I could use it too. Delightful man all around." She nodded, and moved to down her drink.
"...Why?" She asked, pausing her drink and glaring suspiciously at Unohana.
Unohana nods with the clarity of enlightenment. "Nothing serious, but everything makes sense now." She smiles, then cracks into a small giggle. "It's rather charming, actually."
"Care to elaborate?" Soi Fon grumbles.
"Yeah that answered NOTHING." Rangiku glares.
"We noticed an interesting disparity in his behavior." Unohana explains, pushing her own glass towards Rangiku to fill. "For me, Captain Fon, and Lieutenant Ise, Komamura-Taicho is very polite, but sticks to the matter at hand and will not volunteer any further conversation. For Lieutenant Koetetsu, Miss Kuchiki and apparently Lieutenant Hitsugaya, he has all the time in the world and is quite the chatterbox."
"...Weird." Rangiku frowns, intrigued by the puzzle. "For me it's like, half and half?"
"Not quite, I think." Unohana smirks. "What do Isane, Rukia and young Toshiro all have in common?"
The Resounding Silence of Thinking Very Hard around the table was a bit of a disappointment, but they were about three bottles into the evening already.
"Can't be Height." Nanao hummed. "Rukia and Shiro-Kun are shorter than a stack of pancakes but Isane's got legs that are too long for the cover of Vouge."
"Isane and Toshiro are both silver-haired, but not me, and he doesn't seem to be particularly close to Ukitake-Taicho and I think I've actually seen him run out of a room to avoid Gin." Rukia puzzled.
"What? RUDE." Rangiku protested.
"They're all under a century old, right?" Rangiku pondered.
"No, I'm almost two hundred!" Isane sighed. "Oh wait- we all graduated early from the Academy!"
"Ehhhh, I graduated because I got adopted, I'm not a genius like you and Shiro-kun." Rukia waved. "Also, how would HE know that?"
"You're all Lieutenants!" Rangiku perked up.
"Not yet I'm not!" Rukia protested.
"Pfsh- you run half the division anyway. Jushiro should promote you to Co-lieutenant with Kaien already!" Rangiku waved.
"Its- it's complicated." Rukia mumbled. "Also, Nanao-chan is a Lieutenant and he doesn't like her!"
"Does it have to do with how freakishly huge he is?" Soi Fon asked.
"...Yes, actually." Unohana decided. Sajin might not have so much trouble thermoregulating if he was the size of a regular wolf. She reasoned privately.
"Also, He likes Nanao-chan just fine as far as I know. I think it's less about how much he enjoys your company- which I think he does, he's not one for putting on facades- and more about how much he enjoys your Proximity." She clarified, taking her shot. "Oh, this is good, what is it?"
"Cabrito Blanco." Rangiku read off. "Huh. The Cabrito on the label sure ain't Blanco." She frowned at the brown goat.
"None of us have transferred out of the Division we started in, but again, how would he know? and that hasn't got anything to do with Proximity..." Isane frowned.
Rukia slammed her glass down. "WOW that's got a kick. Maybe uhhhh... None of us wear perfume, but Gin doesn't either. I hope. I don't want to get close enough to find out."
"He's really not that bad-" Rangiku sulked. "OH, 'Blanco' refers to the tequila and this is that goat's white tequila!" She realized.
"Sometimes I wish I could take a weekend vacation in your brain. Its machinations fascinate me." Soi Fon teased. "Hmmm... Lotta close but no Cigar, you're all young-ish, Isane and Toshiro have living relatives and Rukia has a large adopted family, but again, not exclusive or Proximal. You're also all S-rank duelists with- OH!"
"Shh, I'm enjoying the flailing." Retsu grinned.
"Pfff- okay, that is kinda cute and I don't blame him." Soi Fon giggled. "Sometimes I'm real glad my seat is right next to The Old Man for the same reason. Or opposite reason, I guess."
"Bwah?" Rangiku frowned.
"I do the same thing with You, Momo and The Old Man that He's doing with them." Soi Fon grinned. Rangiku frowned, peculiar machinations grinding slowly through the tequila, before she suddenly cackled, head thrown back so hard Unohana had to reach out and grab her by the scarf to keep her from tipping her chair over.
"OH NOOOOOOOO!!" She wailed, shoulders shaking. "Oh- that's cute but Toshiro can NEVER find out he'll be such a brat about it!"
"Sorry I'm late, I had to finish the latest report on the Rice Farm Subsidy Fraud Investigation!" Momo panted, jogging in late. "-What can't Toshiro find out about?"
"There is SOMETHING that You, ran-chan and Yamamoto-sama share, and it's the same thing but backwards as what Me, Hitsugaya, and Isane have in common that Komamura-taicho really likes it or something, and THEY know but won't TELL US and its MAKING ME CRAZY!" Rukia wailed.
Momo stood, expression blank for a few moments. "Wait. You didn't know?"
"KNOW WHAT?" Rukia wailed.
"That Komamura hangs around with people with Ic-Mmpf!" Momo started to reveal but was abruptly tackled and the rest of the sentence smothered in Rangiku's Cleavage.
"With WHAT?" Nanao demanded. "What do they have that I don't?"
"-Hang on." Isane frowned, the slowly turned to her captain, squinting. "Is. Is this a... Physics Issue?"
"That's one way to phrase it." Unohana smiled as Momo flailed for air.
"Oh my Gooooood..." Isane groaned. "Why doesn't he just ASK? I'd happily go over and give Itegumo some practice, I hate summertime too!"
"Huh?" Rukia glared, as Momo finally fought her way free and gasped for air.
"Itegumo? That's your- ohhhhhhh." Nanao realized. "That's. Okay yeah that's actually really cute." She giggled. "Poor guy. The armor can't help with that, can it?"
"That's what I keep telling him but it's-" Unohana waved her hands and grimaced with frustration. "-He wears the armor because he's facing the *stupidest* form of Political Persecution I've ever heard of." she sighed.
"Really?" Asked Momo. "Captain Tousen said Komamura told him it's because he's got a major disfigurement or something?"
Unohana sighed and rolled her eyes. "Komamura is FINE, he's just- It's complicated and medically private but trust me, the helmet is a reasonable precaution against an absurd problem."
"Oh." Momo winced. "Well, I'm glad he's medically alright at least!" "I'm so fucking confused." Rukia whimpered, deflating over the table in despair. "Is. Is hanging out with me making him less sick or something??"
"...Yes!" Unohana smiled. "Or at least, makes his condition more physically comfortable."
Rukia turned that over a few times. "...Talking with him is helping?"
"Yes, but only if you're in the same room with him. Doesn't work over the phone." Unohana nodded.
"Okay." Rukia said, reaching for the nearest bottle. "Lets talk about something else."
---
Years Later, after the Bedlam of her attempted execution and Subsequent Rescue, Rukia finally saw Komamura's face.
It was a bit awkward, walking into the hospital room in search of her brother to find a nine-and-a-half foot tall wolfman wearing the Seventh Division Captain's Haori visiting Momo. It took her a moment to realize who he was, and another as some neurons connected and she squawked indignantly, pointing at him.
"My apologies, Lieutenant Kuchiki, but-" He sighed, ears flattening back against his head with Chargin.
"AIR CONDITIONING?!?!" She bellowed.
Komamura scrunched back, chagrined. For a massive apex predator, he did an excellent Kicked Puppy face.
"Rukia!" Momo protested faintly from her hospital bed. "Keep your voice down, I don't want Toshiro to find out!"
"Find out what?" Hitsugaya grunted, stepping out from behind Rukia.
"Ah, Well-" Komamura started to explain.
Rukia rounded on Hitsugaya, pointing behind her at the captain. "THIS JACKASS HAS BEEN EXTRA NICE TO YOU, ME AND ISANE BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE ICE-TYPE ZANPAKUTO AND CHILL THE AIR AROUND US!"
"...Summer is very uncomfortable when you have a fur coat you can't take off." Komamura winced.
"Uh, duh?" Hitsugaya rolled his eyes, strolling into the room. "I didn't know you were chilling Koetetsu and Kuchiki here as well, but I kinda figured you enjoyed the cold when you stayed at my Bankai training like, five times longer than Gramps ever did."
"My apologies for the deception." Komamura bowed his head.
"It's no big deal." Hitsugaya shrugged, putting a hand up to indicate he wanted help up onto the hospital bed, and Komamura obliged.
"See? I use you being tall too." he smirked.
Komamura sighed fondly as the boy sat down between him and Momo. "Momo makes me chill all her juice too, but she never seems to warm up my tea." he handed her a juice box from the vending machine down the hall, covered in condensation.
"It would explode." Momo grumbled.
"Skill Issue." He shrugged and she affectionately swatted him on the leg. "Anyway, don't dogs cool off through their paws?"
"I'm from a wolf clan, but yes." Komamura cocked his head with curiosity, then alarm when Toshiro casually grabbed his forearm and started tugging his Gauntlets off.
"I don't mind being a human ice pack, especially not when it's nintey-eight freakin' degrees out, but be efficient about it, yeah?" Toshiro grumbled, tossing the gauntlet aside and plopping Komamura's pawlike hand on top of his head.
"...Thank you." Komamura smiled gently, and ruffled his hair a bit.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Hitsugaya shrugged, playing the tough guy even as his ears turned red. "At least you're polite about it! Freakin' Zaraki literally just grabbed me- like, put his whole arm through the office window! and threw me over his shoulders once. Jerk."
"TOSHIRO!" Momo yelped, hand on her face. "You almost made juice come out of my nose!" She half-giggled while Rukia snort-laughed at the mental image.
"Hey Kuchiki!" Hitsugaya growled. "He's got two paws!"
"You can't boss me around! You don't outrank me anymore!" She grinned.
"I have seniority." he teased, and the bed started to shake as Komamura tried not to laugh.
"You really don't need to-" Komamura tried to diffuse the argument. His voice was rock-steady but the wide grin betrayed him.
"You gotta follow my orders though!" Ukitake said cheerfully, appearing in the door. "Hi Lieutenant Hinamori!"
"C-captain!" Rukia yelped, spinning around to Salute. "What are your orders, Sir?
"Shh, nothing's happening. But I did hear you squawking from two floors down, so what's happening?" Ukitake smiled down at her.
"Captain Komamura has APPARENTLY been hanging around me and the other Shinigami with Ice Zanpakuto and using us as Air Conditioners!" Rukia glared up at her commanding officer.
"...Rukia," Ukitake patted her head and smiled gently. "Do you remember where Lieutenant Kaien's desk was?"
"Second door on the left, right next to your office, Sir!" She nodded.
"Right! And where's your desk?" Ukitake asked, leaning in closer to her.
Rukia blinked, confused. "...It's immediately adjacent to your desk in your offi- GOD DAMMIT! NOT YOU TOO?"
"Yep!" Ukitake cheerfully patted her head and then palmed it to turn her around to face Komamura. "Hop to it!"
"Technically, I got the Idea from him, when I saw how he'd rearranged the furniture..." Komamura whispered as he helped her up onto the bed as well and Rukia groaned in defeat, settling next to Komamura where she could sulk at her captain from over the wolfman's broad shoulders.
"Oh, stop pouting!" Ukitake teased, sitting down on the chair beside Momo's bed and leaning back. "It'll be winter soon enough. Actually, Your friend Mr. Yasutora told me about a fascinating wintertime holiday in the Living World-"
#Bleach#Bleach Fanfic#AEIWAM#an elephant is warm and mushy#sajin komamura#toshiro hitsugaya#Momo Hinamori#rukia kuchiki#retsu unohana#LONG post under the cut#2.5K ficlet really
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Do you ever get stuck in a procrastination loop as part of your ADHD? Like if the thing isn't critically important with a rigid deadline you just keep thinking well it's too much effort or I don't have the time or I'm too busy etc. I haven't been diagnosed but I suspect and this is such an annoying loop
Thanks for your open discussion about your experience. It's been encouraging me to follow in your footsteps (whenever I quit procrastinating and do it that is)
I do sometimes -- more before I had medication -- but I've always treated it as....well, there's a process I call triage, there's probably a less brutal term for it. It's part of triage.
So, pretty much anything I need to do, from doing the dishes to making a doctor's appointment to, I don't know, repainting the bathroom, goes into my digital to-do list, which I keep in Google Tasks. I consult this list multiple times a day, anytime I've lost the thread of what I should be doing or find myself with free time. I generally arrange it each morning so that important/deadline stuff is near the top, but between those items I give myself breaks, so like I might be working on a deliverable for work, but once that's done the next task isn't the next document I need to do, it's something that I would find easier or more enjoyable (say, cooking lunch) . So naturally, stuff that isn't important AND I don't want to do gets bumped to the very bottom.
But that's okay, because the important stuff got done, and the unimportant but enjoyable stuff got done. That's triage -- prioritizing things in a way that makes life livable.
Now, at the end of the week I often just have a list of shit I don't want to or have to do, but that tells me I need to put more focus on those for next week. On Friday afternoon I often move at least one of those things to the weekend to-do list, or I mark it as a priority for the following week. It may not get done promptly, but it's now slightly more important in my mental filing cabinet.
We can't do everything all the time. If you're busy or tired or it's unpleasant that's not necessarily procrastination -- that's prioritizing things that your energy is better spent on. It's good to work on how to get out of that loop -- but also good to give yourself some grace and time to rest.
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popping in for slick sunday again with another bit on a fic im working on :) i hope you enjoy :)
(warnings ahead for mpreg, angst, and some medical stuff that probably doesn't make actual sense bc i possess no more than a basic knowledge)
this fic's big focus is secret pregnancy. steve and eddie are not dating, but they have this more "friends with benefits" type thing going on. that is, until eddie leaves. he's off with Corroded Coffin, trying to make a name for themselves in the industry. what eddie doesn't know, and what steve finds out a few weeks later, is that steve is pregnant (with twins).
steve decides to keep it a secret because he doesn't want to "ruin" eddie's life. he knows eddie would come back the second he knew, and he didn't want to be the reason eddie gave up on his dream. steve doesn't tell anyone for the first month or so, and then slowly, their friends start being pulled into the loop. robin first, of course. everyone promises not to tell eddie, even though most of them aren't happy about it. eventually, even wayne and the rest of corroded coffin find out about it.
wayne insists on being part of their lives, if steve will let him. which obviously he does, because he loves wayne and would never want to keep him out. so then it's weekly dinners at the trailer, and wayne offering to babysit when steve has to work, and wayne coming over to their apartment often. the twins spend a lot of time with wayne, and he spoils them whenever he can. he's really the only grandparent figure they have, and he's more than happy to take on the role.
when eddie does, eventually, find all of this out, it's not under the best circumstances. it's been about six years since he left hawkins without looking back. the band is at the studio, recording for the new album, when eddie gets a call. the first time he's heard from steve since he left. his entire world is flipped when steve drops the news. eddie has pups he's never known about, and one of them is sick. really sick. the doctors don't think she has much time, and she needs a bone marrow transplant, but finding a match is taking longer than they'd hoped. eddie might be the only option left to save her.
of course, eddie's on a plane back to indiana that same night, no questions asked. well, very few questions asked at least. his mind is reeling the whole time. he doesn't have the full story. all he does know is that he has to get back. he meets the twins separately. first, his daughter, before she's taken for more testing. she lights up, so excited that he's there and asking 100 different questions all at once. he loves her so much already. he meets his son a little later, and it's different. he's more closed off, wary. he's sitting on steve's lap glaring daggers at eddie across the room. it's clear that he holds some resentment, and eddie can't say he blames him. when eddie tries to explain that he's there to help, that he'll be there however long they need him, the boy blows up. he's angry, spitting back at eddie that they don't need him, they never did. steve immediately tries to step in, but eddie stops him. he's right, and eddie knows that. he deserves this.
it may have been steve who kept the twins from eddie, but eddie's the one that never bothered to come back. never called. never visited. he's just as much to blame, and he knows that. all he can do is try to make up for his own shortcomings, and hope it's enough.
happy slick sunday!
oh my god my heart is broken😭
#slick sunday#steddie#steddie omegaverse#omega steve harrington#alpha eddie munson#steve x eddie#a/b/o#omegaverse#mpreg#cw mpreg#tw mpreg#my asks
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The more I read Mafuyu's stories the more confused I am about why her mom is like that. She has the temperament of a good parent, being able to control her emotions, but she chooses to guilt trip her kid who was probably scared after getting lost? She reacted calmly at first, but went about scolding her like Mafuyu is intentionally hurting her by getting lost instead of getting lost because she's a kid and stuff happens.
Like, if you can stay calm enough that your first response is to not scold her but check in on her, why would you guilt trip your kid after? A simple, don't it again, would've scared a kid enough to not do it again. But no! It's you're turning out to be a bad girl instead. Oh I'm sorry, who wasn't paying attention to her kid in a busy theme park? Not Mafuyu, but you
Girl could've been kidnapped and you'd have found a way to blame her, honestly
Honestly it seems like her mom is the culmination of the worst of toxic culture mixed into one and making it generational. I'm still gonna believe my theory that it's generational and that Mafuyu is breaking the generational trauma.
If Mafuyu really did end up being a doctor, what then? Yeah she would've been a great one, but what then? Being in the medical field ia stressful enough, add to it her not being able to feel her own emotions, what's gonna happen to the patients who needs their doctors to go beyond the physical and Mafuyu can't provide that?
What was the point of all that she did?
Mafuyu's mental state is shattered, add to it the stress of the medical field, it's easy to see where it'll end up. Again add to it the toxic work culture Japan has, if she gets lucky she gets a normal hospital, if not, good luck. That girl is gone and never moving up to be a successful doctor with her people pleasing facade. They're gonna take advantage of her.
Honestly, Mafuyu isn't even my favorite on the priority list, but the fact her mom exists is the only reason I want to dissect her. As a (young) adult with a somewhat good upbringing, she confuses me. No matter how hard I try to think from her perspective I can't. And as someone getting how to care for yourself advice now, she confuses me even more. Work all the time is obviously not optimal but that's just how it is in her head. It is optimal because Mafuyu is focused on that, she'll get it. Which isn't true, as Farewell my mask shows, girl cannot focus because test day is near and the stress of upsetting her mom pretty much makes her crash and burn.
I have so much thoughts. It's getting too long.
#project sekai#project sekai colorful stage#hatsune miku colorful stage#prsk#pjsk#personal#mafuyu asahina#personal rant
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I have been thinking a lot about blood bending lately and why the writers decided to go with the storyline of it being banned. I personally do not think it should have been. Like any bending form it can be used for awful things or it could be used for great things (my first thought is always in a medical sense but I’m sure there are other uses). And then I started to wonder if part of why they did that is bc that storyline was connected to Katara more than anyone else, and maybe this was a way to sideline her/focus more on Korra and the new gang instead of exploring with the older characters along with the new ones. But I was wondering if you had any thoughts on it!
hi anon! Sorry for getting to your ask a little late. I was at music camp (okay it’s a professional development program for musicians but I think of it as music camp in an effort to remind myself to have fun) and it was a big challenge since I’m chronically ill and needed a whole apothecary of meds to get through it. (I’m fine now! But needed to pace very carefully before & after and therefore stayed away from Tumblr)
It’s absolutely weird to me that bloodbending is singled out in a world where people can literally steal breath from one’s lungs, but it’s even weirder to me that they had a whole “ban bloodbending” storyline and sidelined Katara, because like…in what world would Katara feel strongly enough about bloodbending to ban it, yet do nothing to enforce the ban? The only explanation that makes sense is that she banned it because she was so ashamed, and stayed away from all the stuff around Yakone et al because she couldn’t bear to be reminded of what she’d done. And like all interpretations of canon Katara in LOK, that is just horribly heartbreaking.
I don’t begrudge the creators for wanting LOK to be about the new generation and I don’t mind seeing the Gaang play second fiddle. But I do object to the creators putting Katara in these situations where she could something in her wheelhouse, that’s in-character with her skills and ambitions, that is in line with her cultural impact as a role model for girls…and then sidelining her. Yakone is a big example, obviously, but so is Katara’s lack of involvement in the Civil War, the Red Lotus kidnapping, etc.
Like you said, bloodbending is useful in terms of the medical implications, but I also think it’s a humane tool in battle as long as it’s only used to incapacitate and not control. I can’t think of many better ways of incapacitating an enemy without causing serious damage (it’s even more efficient than chi-blocking!). If a bloodbender can stop encroaching enemies in their tracks with a flick of their wrist — well, that actually seems more humane than freezing them into ice cubes, which is the go-to waterbender move. I mean, Katara stops Hama with bloodbending in The Puppetmaster; she doesn’t actually control Hama with it. It’s terrible to override people’s bodily autonomy and make them do things they don’t want to do, but that is a very specific use of bloodbending.
I do think, though, that Katara is not the type of person to recognize all the other potential uses of bloodbending unless someone prompts her, and unfortunately that person is not going to be Aang. It doesn’t help that Katara’s first experience with bloodbending is being stripped of her own agency; similarly, it becomes her go-to weapon when she encounters (she thinks) the person who made her feel the most powerless in her life. To Katara, bloodbending is about taking power from someone else…and on her own, she’s not likely to see other applications. Katara is an excellent fighter with a lot of raw power, finesse, and creativity, but she’s not actually all that in-tune with her element, and I think that’s another reason she was never very interested in healing in canon (Katara and waterbending could be a whole other meta). Katara would’ve been an equally excellent bender no matter which element she wields, unlike Toph and Aang, who are uniquely suited to their elements. Katara borrows a lot from the more aggressive forms of bending (fire and earth): grabs people with water tentacles, hits them with ice disks, overwhelms them with big waves. For all that waterbending is about going with the flow and using the opponent’s strengths against them, Katara doesn’t exactly exemplify that philosophy (unlike Aang, btw, who is more intuitive as a waterbender than she is; that is why he picked it up more quickly at the beginning). She addresses all her problems head-on and is more likely to meet them with raw power than anything else. If I were to guess her astrological placements, she’d be an Aries Mars, minimum, if not an Aries Sun as well (she’d be a Cancer Moon though…I have Thoughts on ATLA astrology lmao).
Anyway, all this to say: I don’t think Katara would’ve thought of the healing implications of bloodbending on her own, when she’s already been traumatized by it, and that’s pretty tragic tbh. I like the Zutara interpretation of Zuko inspiring Katara to think there are other uses for bloodbending (as a wielder of a potentially destructive element), but I think Toph could’ve had a conversation with her about other uses for bloodbending as well, since Toph is really creative with earth. Actually, I think Zuko or Toph or Sokka could’ve all had a conversation with Katara about coming to terms about doing things that one is not proud of & moving past them, but I guess Katara can only follow the rigid moral code of her Do No Wrong boyfriend. Anyway, LOK’s despicable treatment of ATLA’s female characters is nothing new, but Katara’s is the most obvious and egregious because she’s actually there. We have no idea what happened to Suki or Azula or Mai or Ty Lee, and what we do see from Toph is not great either (in what world would she retire to be lonely in a swamp when having her friends meant the world to her…). All the boys got to have cool fulfilling lives and all the girls who aren’t lost to history are sad sacks, thanks Bryke! On a non-sarcastic note, thank you anon for such an interesting question!
#katara deserved better#bloodbending#tagging for those that block them:#anti kataang#zutara#anti bryke#though this is an anti bryke blog honestly#my meta#can i ask you a question?
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We have a little free pantry in our front yard (toothbrushes, tampons, shelf-stable snacks bottled water, etc.), and I read a lot about people's experiences having one online before we put ours up re: expectations about potential interactions with people using it, but nothing prepared me for how weirdly aggro *other* people sometimes get about us having it as a form of "activism" as opposed to some other, more nebulous idea of broader social change. "Don't you think it'd be better to volunteer at or donate money to a homeless shelter, so those people can get the actual help they need?" "Shouldn't you focus more on trying to campaign for policy changes that will help more people than one street corner if you care about this problem?" "Isn't doing that a waste of time?" "Aren't you just encouraging people not to get help?" I do that other stuff when I can. This is something small I can do - in addition to raising awareness and fighting for bigger change, when I have the time and money and spoons - and at least, when I don't. It's crazy to me to approach social justice issues with such an all-or-nothing mindset as some people seem to. I've met enough of the individuals who utilize it to know it makes a difference in a very tangible way for the people directly around me.
No, I agree entirely.
Corny and dated as it is, there's a reason the saying is "be the change you want to see". If no one within the community puts in the work to fix the community's problems, even in little bits and pieces, then how will anything change? Raising awareness only goes so far. What happens when all anyone is, is aware? Aware, and still doing nothing, waiting for someone else to put in the work.
Sometimes, that someone is going to need to be you. You can't just wait around and wait for someone else to do it for you.
If I see someone digging through the trash for food, I wave them over and offer them food from my house or fresh food from a store or take them to a restaurant where they can order whatever they want. If I'm getting groceries and I see someone very obviously homeless struggling to pay for their food, I tell the cashier to add it to my bill. No one starves in front of me. Ever since I stopped needing to rely on food stamps, no one starves in front of me.
This past summer I saw someone splayed out on the sidewalk in 95F weather in direct sunlight. I couldn't tell if he was unconscious from drugs or passed out from the heat or just simply had fallen asleep in the shade and then the sun moved. I was getting groceries so I added a bunch of hot chicken to my order plus several bottles of refrigerated water. I went over to him and woke him and explained that I was worried he needed medical attention. He'd passed out because he was tired, he told me. I offered him the hot food and the water and he thanked me, telling me he'd run out of water the night before and food the day before that and didn't have any money to get any more.
Everyone else had been walking around him like he was just an obstacle on the sidewalk. No one had thought to offer any help. When I walked away, some folks who saw me told me that that was very nice of me. I don't think it was nice of me. I think that's just what you should do if you see someone obviously in distress. They agreed that he seemed like he needed the help. They didn't act. They agreed that the compassionate and right thing to do was to offer assistance and make sure he was okay. But they didn't do it. They waited for someone else to do it.
I've mentioned in passing that I volunteer for the local teen LGBT club, helping lost gay kids find their way and maybe not kill themselves about it. It's not much. I mostly just text back and forth with whatever kids get my number from the adults that run the thing. Sometimes I give them tips and advice. Sometimes I'm just the cool gay uncle they tell about their latest school drama. Once or twice I've served one of them lunch on my couch while my dogs smother them with affection and they cry about their latest heartbreak. I don't do speeches or history lessons or anything like that. I don't think I'm qualified for it, in honesty. But if even one of them doesn't commit suicide, if even one of them doesn't self-harm, if even one of them no longer feels all alone in the world because I'm there when they reach out to me, that's enough.
Today on my commute to work, the guy in front of me had a major wipeout on his motorcycle. I stopped my car in a position that none of the other cars could hit him, and asked if he was okay, and waited until his friend (also on a motorcycle) had circled back around to help him off the road and check him over. I left once his friend waved me away. I offered to call an ambulance but he refused.
A couple weeks ago, also on my commute, a woman was stopped on the side of the road, waving her arms at drivers, shouting for help. I stopped. The other drivers didn't. Her car had died, she was new to town, and she was somewhere that notoriously doesn't get cell service. I helped her call a tow truck. It wasn't a trap. She didn't want to hitchhike. She just was stuck and panicked about it.
I stop and help animals get off the road. I've lost count on how many turtles I've carried to the other side. I helped my neighbor search for a dog he saw get hit by a car so he could take it to the vet. I shoveled my elderly neighbor's driveway for her, and talked my boss into giving her a major discount for her little dog's dental in which pretty much every tooth needed extraction or he would die. When I still lived in that rental with my roommates, we were surrounded by kids. Every kid on the block knew we were a safe house to go to. If they needed food or water, if they needed entertainment, if they needed just somewhere to be, they could be at our place. When covid started, I did a "reverse halloween" since Halloween was canceled, and I put bags of candy on every doorstep that I knew had kids inside. I've done a "neighborhood santa" putting a small toy plus a small gift card for the parents on every doorstep that has kids, for as long as I've lived around kids.
When I say activism requires action, I don't mean that every single person is required to save a thousand lives. The honest answer is, unless you have a lot of disposable time and money, you probably won't. But you can still make a difference. To one. To ten. To twenty.
And you know what? I'm not saying black people specifically came up with this- but how can you be surprised to know this is how I live my life when I say over and over that I was raised by black activists who lived during MLK Jr and Malcolm X and knew community action would have the longest-lasting effects? Of course I do all this. That's what being part of a community *is*.
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My feelings on Anakin/Padmé go back and forth, because I actually like the premises of the characters and of their relationship, but the films' actual execution of them is 1) limited due to the amount of time for an exploration and 2) also badly done in my opinion. The films by themselves don't give Padmé's own potential big, destructive emotions, her suffocating personal backstory and disastrous current life, and her hungry, fearful desires the sufficient focus to communicate to me and make compelling what she's actually getting out of the relationship. It's so one-sided. Additional media has to, like, patch that stuff in and flesh it out. (And her specific storylines also feel incredibly sexist when she is the ONLY significant / main female character in the entire trilogy.)
But, you know, even in these films where I would say these characters and relationship and their tragedy weren't well done, at least Anakin and Padmé still HAD a scandalous, possibly illegal secret marriage that involved covering up murders and also contributed to the fall of the Republic and the rise of an Empire. I respect that in a story, even if the artistic execution sucks.
I was reading this other thing, where two characters mutually agreed not to have a romantic relationship yet because it MIGHT look kind of bad for them if you squinted, and it was the most bloodless thing I'd read in ages. I didn't understand how anyone would even find out or why they'd care all that much if they did. There was no specific cause or duty requiring this. Made me stop and go, "Where's that fucking tweet saying, 'All these characters talk like they're in therapy now instead of flushing heart medication down the toilet because they're mad at someone'??? I need that fucking tweet. It speaks to me here."
Obviously, every story is doing its own thing! Everyone is looking for something different in their fiction! Of course! But this other story was so boring to me personally at that moment, I was throwing tomatoes at the stage in the privacy of my own head, and it somehow made me like the hot mess that is Anakin/Padmé more. Boo! Booooo! Stop being reasonable! Just have a passionate, ill-advised affair that destroys your own lives and the lives of everyone around you already!
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hi! saw your recent posts and wanted to ask for some advice, if that's okay. I'm a wheelchair user and I really want to get more involved in protests, but I feel pretty out of my depth. A lot of protests seem inaccessible and I just have a lot of questions about how things would work as a wheelchair user. I guess, do you have any tips about protesting as a wheelchair user and how you deal with inaccessibility?
Thank you!!
Hey anon! completely okay to ask for advice about this--I feel very passionate about this topic and am happy to share some tips! disclaimer that not all of the tips I share here are going to be applicable to everyone's situation--even among wheelchair users, we have so many unique situations, types of wheelchairs, health variations, other medical devices, etc etc. and many of us are multiply marginalized, which can also shape our experiences pretty significantly. so i'll share some general tips, and feel free to take what works for you and ignore the rest! most of this is based on my experience in the type of protests I go to in my city, so I also understand that this advice might not be applicable to every type of protest in every location. i've been involved in many types of protests for the past 9 years, from marches to die-ins to encampments, and have dealt with many situations including tear gas, riot cops, police brutality, fascist agitators, getting arrested, and many different types of high risk tactics. i don't want to position myself as an expert or anything, because i'm always learning and growing, but I do just want to share that for context!
I think the first thing I want to say is just to affirm that it is absolutely possible for wheelchair users to get involved in all kinds of protests, including higher risk and escalated protests. I'll focus on actual on the ground protests in this post because that's what you asked about, but know there are many many ways to get involved with organizing if protesting in the streets is not accessible for you. There are many of us involved in these type of actions already and figuring out ways to make it work for us, so you are not alone in that. I won't lie that it can be complicated, there's a lot of inaccessibility, and some shit might not be possible, but a lot of stuff can be made possible if we get creative.
Before the Protest
For me, one of the most helpful things is trying to find out as much information as possible before the protest, so that I can have a really good plan going in. Sometimes this might be more difficult, because there might be legitimate security culture reasons that a march route can't be announced publicly, for example, or specific tactics aren't posted about on social media in order to keep people safe from police surveillance. But when it is possible, this is the type of information I like to figure out:
What is the location? is it a stationary protest like a sit in or an encampment? is it a march? what is the route? how long is the route? are there obstacles in the route? are there curb cuts? is there hills? construction? other barriers? are there easily accessible exit routes? is there pavement, grass, gravel, etc? are there accessible transit stops nearby? are there accessible bathrooms nearby? if it's indoors, are there elevators and ramps?
A lot of times, to find out this information, I look through google maps street view, ask friends, or go in person if i can beforehand. for me, as a manual wheelchair user, I can deal with a lot of of nonideal circumstances such as hills, curbs, rough terrain, especially when I have a protest buddy who can help push me when needed, but it helps to know if i'm going to have to deal with those situations. Often times, protests are held in pretty inaccessible locations. Sometimes, this is because organizers are not considering accessibility which pisses me off, but sometimes, there are legitimate strategic reasons that we might need to protest at an inaccessible location because of the specific circumstances of the protest. (maybe we're even protesting at it because it's inaccessible!) You'll know best about what geographic features are inaccessible deal breakers for you and having that kind of information can help you make a decision about whether it's possible to attend.
What is the risk level? What tactics are being used? Are people intentionally risking arrest? What patterns of repression and brutality are most commonly used by cops in your city? How high is the risk of chemical weapons?
This can be really hard to predict--there's no way to ever say for certain how cops are going to respond and we can't see the future. But paying attention to how cops in your city have been responding to protests and learning the patterns of what types of protests are more high risk can help us make more informed guesses. We can reasonably estimate that a silent vigil in the daytime is likely going to be lower risk than a occupation of a building, for example. And for some of these things--there's no real way to make getting tear gassed an "accessible" experience for anyone, but for some of us, the consequences might be more severe than others. I have a comrade who uses a ventilator who cannot come to protests where we think there's a risk of chemical weapons, so that can be really important information to try to figure out beforehand.
What do I need to practice? Do I need to teach my comrades how to de-arrest a wheelchair user? Do we need to practice lifting me and my wheelchair over a barricade? Do I need to teach my comrades the safest places to hold onto my wheelchair if we're locking arms and moving as a line? Do I need to practice wheelies to get over curbs? How will I plan to protect the electrical parts of my wheelchair from chemical weapons? etc.
For higher risk protests there might be a lot of different tactics that we can use to navigate things like barricades, arrests, facing down a riot line of cops, etc. It is so, so helpful to be able to practice these skills with your protest buddies before a protest, so that when these situations start happening in a chaotic, fast moving environment, you and your comrades are prepared to navigate the inaccessibility that can come with a lot of these situations. You'll know what is possible for you and be the expert on what feels important to prepare for before an action.
2. At the Protest
Navigating a Crowd. To be honest this can be one of the most frustrating things for me to deal with while at protests. A lot of people are not aware of their surroundings, areas will get very crowded with little space to navigate, and people will block my view. The main ways I try to deal with this are by trying to be in the front of a march or on the sides of a march when possible, to try to have the most space to navigate. As we move, I continually scan our location to find the closest accessible exit route, paying attention to where cops are, curb cuts, etc. My protest buddies know that if we're in a middle of a crowd, they need to provide me with updates about cop movements or any other information that I can't see. I get loud and tell people to get out of my way when I need to. I try to stay near other mobility aid users, bike marshals, or people with wagons because they often leave more room for me to navigate.
Roles. There are lots of different roles we can take on at a protest that might make it easier for us to navigate. I sometimes like to join the bike marshals and help block off roads and intersections. Maybe you have medic training and you act as a street medic. Maybe it's more accessible to act as a scout and communicate police movement to your comrades. Other roles could include leading chants, handing out supplies like water and masks, acting as a legal observer, filming the cops, organizing art builds beforehand, etc.
Community. It's been super, super important for me to always go to a protest with a protest buddy so that we can watch out for each other and keep each other safe. Oftentimes, situations can change rapidly at higher risk protests, and we might end up in an inaccessible situation that we didn't plan for. If I don't have a protest buddy, I usually just turn to the nearest person next to me and start saying loudly "I need you to help me exit this situation/grab my handles and get me up this curb/tell me what the cops are doing etc." It can feel really scary and vulnerable to have to rely on complete strangers in these type of situations, but I've found that a lot of people are really willing to help if I tell them exactly what I need from them.
Surveillance. A lot of us really can't bloc up or hide our identities, because our wheelchairs are easily identifiable. This might shape what tactics we use, and also means there might be added surveillance concerns after a protest. When thinking about your own risk tolerance, grappling with the fact we are visible in a crowd is a really important consideration. This might mean we need to be even more careful about security culture, use encrypted messaging to communicate, avoid cameras, stay in a middle of a crowd to block visibility, and other things like that.
Unique advantages. There can be advantages and skills that we bring as wheelchair users! In flat locations and downhills, I'm much, much faster than my comrades who are walking--I can easily pass messages or get in front of a line of bike cops. I can usually carry a lot more supplies on my wheelchair backpack without getting tired. In my city, there's only one cop van that has a wheelchair lift, and at a recent protest where there were multiple of us in wheelchairs, I heard a cop say on their radio that "There are too many people in wheelchairs and we don't know how to arrest them all." In situations where it's logistically difficult to arrest us or the cops think the optics are bad, that can allow us to cause a LOT of logistical delays, act as a front line, get in between the cops and other people, and just generally make the cops lives a little more difficult.
3. After the Protest
Arrests. If we're risking arrest, there's a lot of wheelchair specific information we need to know. Theoretically, under the ADA, cops are supposed to arrest us with our mobility aid and let us have access to our mobility aid in jail. In practice, this doesn't always happen. Cops might arrest us with our wheelchair but then take it away from us in the holding cell, make us use the jail's standard transfer wheelchair instead, or just completely take away our mobility aid altogether. Cops might zip tie our hands so that we have no way to independently move. The cops in your city might have a van with a lift, or might try to get you to fold or disassemble your wheelchair and put it in a standard car. If they don't have a van with a lift and your wheelchair doesn't disassemble, they might have a contract with a wheelchair van company. Once we're taken to a holding cell, there's a lot higher chance we might get put in solitary. We often won't have access to wheelchair accessible restrooms. We might get separated from all of our comrades--at my last arrest, all my other comrades were taken to a location that processes mass arrests, while I was taken to a separate, wheelchair accessible location and held in solitary. It's super important that whoever's running jail support knows these things and can advocate for us and also track us in the system, especially if we're taken to a different location. If your area has a chapter of the National Lawyer's Guild, they often have a designated person running a hotline. It can be super important to memorize that number, and also to reach out beforehand and explain your needs as a wheelchair user if you're risking arrest.
Overall, there are a lot of considerations for protesting as a wheelchair user, and you are going to be the expert on what is important for you! My general approach is that I want to have as much information as possible so that I can make an informed decision about if I want to attend a particular action. Then, when I'm at an action, I expect my comrades to respect my autonomy and support me in making sure that I can participate and that all of us can stay safe.
Also, for any abled people reading this post, I want you to read this very carefully and understand just how many barriers there can be at protests for wheelchair users. You have a responsibility to your community to whenever possible, mitigate these barriers, choose accessible locations, communicate with your disabled comrades, and support us in the moment. If your excuse is that "oh there aren't any disabled people at our protests, so we don't need to think about these things," you're wrong, and this attitude ensures that no disabled people can show up to your protests. and if that's the case, you're missing out on so much meaningful experience and knowledge that your disabled comrades could bring to the table. "We keep us safe" means that we actually work to meet everyone's needs, including the needs of your disabled comrades.
anyway, this turned into a very long post, but any other wheelchair users feel free to add on your own advice! love to share as much community knowledge as possible, especially advice from people who have different access needs than my particular situation.
anon, please let me know if you have any other specific questions that i didn't cover, and best of luck!
#asks#protests#activism#disability#cripple punk#wheelchair user#accessibility#direct action#disability justice#im a manual wheelchair user but several of my comrades are power wheelchair users so i've learned some from them about#what they need. so i have some comrades who it is not possible to lift their chairs up curbs#so we work really hard to always make sure theres curb cuts or alternate routes
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