#because the entire time i was being obsessed with her. my thought process was just

[rancidarling]

thinking about my last crush and while I'm not a delusional person, that may have been the most deluded period of time I've ever had

[leilakisakabiri]

Loved the promises we keep ❤️, could I request for Gavi, where his obsessed with the reader (in a good way) and is very overprotective with her and their friends tease him about it ?

Match Day (Gavi)

Summary: You’ve never gone to any of Gavi’s games despite being his girlfriend. The day you finally decide to go things go far from planned.

Warning(s): This is important so please read. This post has some content related to death and kidnappings involving small children. If that is a sensitive topic for you at all, please do not read further.

A/N: Guys I can never write requests the correct way. I know what this request is supposed to be, but when I start writing I just start coming up with ideas and then the end result is always a little different than I intended. So anon, I know I made it probably a lot different than you expected but I hope you still like it, and thanks for the support! Please send requests guys I have no idea what to write about.

Word Count: 4.1k+

Masterlist

You bit your lip anxiously, brows furrowed, as you read the comments on Gavi’s latest Instagram post. The two of you had been dating for nearly a year now, making your relationship public about three months ago. Since then you had been plagued with comments every day, people feeling the need to criticize everything you did, whether it was the way you posed in a photo, what you wore, or even how much you posted Gavi on your account. Nothing you did seemed to stop the backlash. 

Now, however, the comments had shifted, you were no longer being bombarded daily about mundane things, instead, the comment section of Gavi’s post had been flooded with apologies and I feel so bad for hims. 

Someone pointed out a few days ago that you had never attended a single one of Gavi’s games. Since then, people had gone crazy speculating if the two of you were still together, and if so, then why you weren’t supporting him like any normal girlfriend would do. 

The comments only worsened with Gavi’s latest Instagram post which he shared after winning the UEFA semifinal against Italy. He thanked all his team members, the coaching staff, his family, and you for helping him to achieve his dreams and pushing him to be the best. 

His fans had not taken kindly to that. His entire comment section was filled with people urging him that he could do better or chastising you for not supporting him. 

You felt a pang of guilt as you continued looking through the comments. It’s not that you didn’t want to support him, or that you felt like you were above him in any way. In fact, you were always the first one to tell him how proud you were of him, always in awe of his abilities. You made sure to watch every single game, texting him whenever something especially exciting happened on the pitch to share your thoughts, whether it be something as small as a “the ref is wack” or a “you’re so insane I can’t believe you made that goal, my brain can’t process how you did that so effortlessly.”

Gavi knew that you would support him in anything, and he always made sure to remind you that even though you weren’t there it still meant so much to him that you would take the time out of your day to cheer him on. In the end, you supposed that’s all that really mattered, however, you just couldn’t shake the feeling that you were in the wrong. 

Although he always told you it didn’t matter to him, you knew it was a lie. You had seen how excited he was when you guys first started dating and he had asked you to wear his jersey to his game. You had also seen the disappointed look on his face when you gently declined, explaining to him why you wouldn’t be able to come. 

He understood, and never asked again, but in the back of your mind you knew he wished you were there supporting him like everyone else’s partners did. 

Your anxiety was something you never shared a lot with anyone. None of your friends knew it played such a big part in your life, assuming if you canceled plans, it was because you just didn’t feel like going. And you played into it, becoming branded as the flake in the friend group because you would always back out of plans once a location was set. 

One time you had agreed to go to the beach with your friends, everyone excited for a day of barbecuing and swimming in the salty ocean. That plan had quickly been canceled, however, once it had started downpouring and after much back and forth everyone had decided to play tourist for the day and go visit the Sagrada Familia. After seeing that text, you immediately dropped out of the plans, informing everyone that you had gotten food poisoning even though an hour earlier you were packed and ready for the beach. 

The truth was that you suffered from severe panic attacks, usually triggered by large crowds. 

Growing up your parents had both been in law enforcement, with your mother being a well-established Defense Attorney and your father being a credited Private Investigator. 

They often told stories from their jobs at home, much to your brother’s entertainment, certain cases they were working on that had just closed, or new leads that were quick to transform into cold cases. 

There had been one case however that had stuck with you, haunting you for years, causing you to always make sure that your windows were closed, and your door was locked like a mantra every night before bed. 

The missing person's case involved a young nine-year-old girl, the same age as you were when you had first heard it, who had been spending a beautiful summer day visiting the local fair with her family. She had been prancing around, going from vendor to vendor, seeing what prizes they had. It had only taken a second for someone to lay their eyes on her and attack, grabbing her forcefully before turning and disappearing into the crowd. No one could do anything, everyone searched, but there were too many families, too many young girls that matched her description. It was useless. 

“Poor girl and to think she was taken just because she wanted to get a better look at the pink stuffed bear. I hope the family at least gets closure.” Your mother said, shaking her head sadly. 

Your brother piped up beside you, “Won’t they find her though?”

She gave him a sad smile, “It’s very unlikely hijo, she went missing on Wednesday. Usually, if they’re gone for longer than 24 hours the chances of them coming back are very slim.” 

Your breath had stopped after she uttered those words. Even at nine, the realization had kicked in – you had been at the fair that same day, blissfully licking a popsicle and chatting with your friend, naïve and unaware that probably a hundred feet away from you a young girl was being ripped away from her parents, never to be seen alive again. 

You hadn’t even heard her screams or pleas for help, and you had been right there. 

The thought made you feel sick to your stomach, bile rising in your throat. If it was that easy to kidnap someone and take them away even when they were surrounded by people that knew them, then what was stopping something like that from happening again? Who’s to say you wouldn’t be next? 

Since that day your demeanor had shifted drastically, no longer were you the same bubbly, outgoing kid, who would never shut up and always dragged her parents to new places. You had shrunk into yourself, biting your nails anxiously, eyes darting to look for nearby exits in every new location. 

Your parents had taken notice of your sudden personality shift and tried to help the best they could, never bringing up cases again, even going out of their way to avoid places packed with people because they knew how easily it scared you, but the damage had already been done. 

That fear, as silly as it may seem, carried into your teen years, swelling into full-blown panic attacks that were triggered by large crowds or noisy places.

The first person you had shared your condition with, aside from your family, had been Gavi. 

Your friends relentlessly teased Gavi saying that he was making you even more scarce than you used to be in group hangouts, declaring that he wanted you all to himself. Gavi took all the teasing with a smile and a shoulder shrug, never denying or admitting anything, and you knew he only did it because he loved you. 

It couldn’t have been easy for him to miss hanging out with his friends, whom he rarely got to see in the first place due to his busy schedule, simply to stay back with you so you wouldn’t have to be alone, but he did it every time anyways. If you didn’t go, he didn’t go, simple as that. 

You squeezed your eyes shut; you knew you owed it to him. 

He was always bending backwards, willing to accommodate any of your silly requests just because it made you feel safer. You knew it was time to step out of the box you had locked yourself in for way too long. 

You glanced at the time, you had about thirty minutes until kick-off. You knew you would be late, but if you left within the next fifteen minutes you were confident you could make it before halftime. 

You hyped yourself up. You were going to do this. No going back now. 

You went to turn off the TV that had been droning on in the background, fingers hovering over the power button when an ad caught your eye. 

It was an old speech from Martin Luther King, “Courage is the power of the mind to overcome fear.” He spoke before the screen cut to a page urging individuals to join the troops. 

You let out a loud laugh, not believing what you were seeing, who knew an ad for the national army would get you so emotional? You weren’t someone who was super into manifestation but even you couldn’t deny this felt like a sign.  

Wait a minute why was an ad for the US army playing in Spain?

You decided not to think too hard about it, instead focusing on getting ready. You dug out the jersey Gavi had given you all those months ago and put it on. You rushed to get all your things about to head out of your apartment when you realized one crucial item was missing. 

You didn’t have tickets. 

You let out a groan, trying to think of what to do. You wanted to surprise Gavi so you obviously couldn’t tell him, and it was so close to kick-off that tickets were no longer being sold. 

You fell back onto your couch in defeat. Now what? 

Suddenly you shot up, hands searching for your phone, you sent a quick text to Anna, one of Gavi’s teammate's wife’s asking her if she would be able to help you.

She responded right away telling you to come to the stadium and that she would meet you at the ticketing line. 

Bless her heart. 

You thanked her over and over again as you rushed to the stadium, adrenaline pumping. 

You were in awe once you got off the train, Camp Nou was the biggest thing you had ever seen in your life. It was massive, expanding probably over a hundred feet in the air. You giggled seeing Gavi’s face blown up on one of the billboards. 

You reached the ticketing line, thanking whatever higher power was looking out for you that it was empty. 

“Hi sir, I’m here to meet a friend. She said she’s on her way down.” You informed security once you reached the gate entrance. 

“Ticket?” He asked not even sparing you a glance. 

“Oh sorry – uhm my friend has my ticket, and she’s inside.” 

He finally looked at you, “No ticket. No entry. Now leave.” 

“I understand that, but if you could just give me a minute I’m going to call-“ 

“I’ll tell you one more time, if you don’t have a ticket, you’re not getting in. Leave.” 

You huffed, backing away, pointing at your phone, “I’m just gonna call her, okay?” 

He glared at you, and you gave him an awkward smile, unsure what to do. You went to dial Anna’s number when you heard someone yelling your name. You looked up, seeing Anna waving crazily as she approached the security guard. 

“Let her in, she’s with me.” 

You quickly walked over to them, waving back at her. 

“She doesn’t have a ticket.” The guard replied in a bored tone. 

“That’s fine! She doesn’t need a ticket to go to the box, she’s with me.” Anna argued. 

The guard pointed at your neck, “She doesn’t have a family pass. I can’t let her in.” 

Anna huffed, “Well I do! And I’m saying she fine, she’s one of the player's girlfriends.” She held up her badge showing her VIP status. 

The guard only continued to glare at her, “If she was really a player’s girlfriend, she would have already had a pass. I’m not letting her in.” 

You groaned, annoyed at yourself for not coming sooner. You knew that no one at the stadium aside from the players probably knew who you were, you just hadn’t realized how many problems it would create once you did come. 

“Don’t make me get Antonio.” Anna threatened. 

Finally, the guard seemed to break, his eyes turning wide, “You wouldn’t.” 

She nodded her head slowly, “I totally would.” 

He gave you one more spiteful glare before he stepped aside allowing you to pass. You thanked him quickly, only getting a grunt in response before you greeted Anna. 

“Thank you so much for coming to get me.” You said, hugging her. 

She laughed as she guided you through the stadium, “No worries. I thought Marco might be the one guarding tonight, he takes his job too seriously.” 

You smiled, “Yeah he seemed a little tough.” 

She rolled her eyes, beginning to walk up the steps to the family section, “That’s an understatement. He’s been working here for like ever. Since before Robert even moved here. I remember the first couple of times I came to see a game and he was always interrogating me, even after I showed him my badge! I think he’s just mad, he never got a promotion.” She exclaimed. 

She led you to the seats, introducing you to all the other girls. 

“So, what made you finally decide to come?” She asked once the both of you were settled. 

You looked around the stadium, seeing that the game was nearly through the first half, with only 15 minutes remaining. 

“Change of heart I guess.” You answered vaguely, not wanting to dive too deep into it. 

She nodded her head, “Well anyways I’m sure Gavi will be so excited when he sees you.” 

You chuckled next to her, unsure if that was the reaction he would have. 

Ever since you had opened up to Gavi about your anxiety he had been a huge support system for you, always pulling you aside to make sure you were comfortable with a situation, and he tried to avoid putting you in situations where he felt your anxiety would spike, meaning that he had banned you from all his games and practices. 

You knew he would probably be shocked to see you in the stands, but you hoped he wouldn’t be so worried that he would slip up in the game. 

While he had maintained that football would always be his number one priority everyone could see a shift in his demeanor since he met you. No longer was he staying hours after practice, trying to achieve the perfect curveball, instead he was putting his all during practices then driving to your apartment, annoying you while you did your homework, and passing out on the couch with you in his arms, a random movie playing in the background. 

You were pulled out of your thoughts when you heard the halftime whistle. You saw Robert look up at the stands, presumably searching for Anna, before he made eye contact with you, eyebrows lifting in surprise. 

He waved and walked over to Gavi pointing at the section you were in. 

The midfielder raised his head at his teammates’ shouts, looking up at the stands with a confused expression. 

His family already said they couldn’t come today. 

His eyebrows only furrowed further when he couldn’t pinpoint a difference. Everyone was the same. 

His heart stopped, and he instinctively put his hands over his eyes, blocking out the lights, to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. 

He felt his heart rate increase rapidly and his eyes widened, because there you were, sitting pretty in his jersey, a shy smile on your face as you waved down at him. 

He continued to stare at you, not believing what he was seeing. He felt anxious for you, just thinking about you sitting there surrounded by thousands of people. He quickly broke eye contact rushing into the tunnel. 

You sat back in your seat confused at his actions. Was he not happy to see you? Why did he leave so abruptly? 

You got your answer a moment later when your phone started beeping repeatedly indicating the flood of text messages you were receiving. 

You opened it seeing them all being from Gavi, asking what you were doing here, if you were okay, if you felt safe. 

You smiled at how gentle he was with you, going to respond. You were in the middle of reading a text when he sent another message causing you to lose your place. 

You groaned, secretly finding it adorable how stressed he was for you. You sent him a message letting him know that you were okay, but it took five minutes of back and forth for you to convince him that you weren’t going to have a panic attack in the next twenty seconds. 

In all honesty, you felt fine. Yes, every now and then the thought that you were surrounded by so many people would pop into your head, but it was starting to get easier to ignore, you just had to remind yourself that you were next to people who knew you. Plus, the game itself was an easy distraction, and after the second half started you found yourself getting into the game, yelling at the ref whenever they made a poor decision, and cheering on Barcelona as they made their way up the field.

“Oh fuck off, that should have been a freekick!’ You shouted after Pedri had been slide tackled aggressively, resulting in the boy landing rather awkwardly on his ankle. 

Anna was quick to agree next to you, “C’mon, he didn’t even touch the ball. Don’t be a loser!” 

You giggled at her words, enjoying how she always said whatever came to her mind. She grinned at you shrugging her shoulders as if to say she did nothing wrong. 

You continued watching the game, leaning against the railing as you both chatted about your lives, interrupting each other every couple of minutes to shout something about the game. 

Before you knew it the game was over, Barcelona sealing the win with a goal in the 87th minute, securing their 2-0 lead, scored by none other than Gavi himself. 

You screamed, jumping around as he celebrated, running over to your section with the biggest smile on his face, kissing the crest on his jersey before he pointed up at you, mouthing the nickname he always called you. 

You grinned back at him sending him down a heart which he immediately reciprocated before being tackled by his teammates. 

Once the other team had left the field the celebrations started. All the players started to walk towards the fan section, taking off their jerseys and handing them to fans. 

Anna had pulled you down the stairs with her, letting you know it was time to go see the guys. 

You were ecstatic taking in the buzzing atmosphere around you, cheers of joy filled the air, and the stadium was filled with red and blue confetti. 

Had this been what you had been missing out on the whole time? 

You were so focused on making sure not to lose Anna in front of you that you hadn’t noticed the flock of people behind you, all rushing down the steps hoping to get to the players in time to get a photo or autograph. 

You were about halfway down when you were suddenly shoved from behind causing you to lose your balance. You knew what was going to happen the second your feet left the ground, you shut your eyes, hands reaching out to stop your fall, but it was useless. 

You landed on the ground with a hard thud, body slamming into the concrete steps, head hitting the railing on your way down. 

Everything felt like it was moving in fast motion, all the bodies around you moved at a sickening pace, blurring together as you lay motionless on the ground, vision hazy as you tried desperately to calm the pounding of your heart. 

You pushed yourself into action as soon as you regained some consciousness. You pushed past the legs rushing past you and pulled yourself to the side, where empty seats greeted you. You made a move to sit up but let out an audible gasp, hands going to clutch your left rib, your brain short-circuiting from the throbbing pain. You bit your lip, pleading with yourself to not over hyperventilate and make a scene. 

Gavi, who had been watching you intently, eyes never leaving your figure as you made your way to him, was quick to respond to the situation. 

As soon as he realized you went down, he was running, jumping over the barricade as he shoved past the people trying to grab onto him, thrusting jerseys and papers in his face for him to sign.  

He felt his body pulse with anger, jaw locked, as he ran up the steps. He could faintly hear security yelling at him to come down, but he paid them no mind, only focused on getting to you. 

He kept replaying the moment he saw you fall again and again in his head and each time he thought about it he only grew more livid. How dare someone shove you like that? 

He finally reached you, shouting at people to move out of the way as he shoved through the crowd. 

His eyes were wild and frantic as he grabbed you, helping you to a sitting position. You could see how quickly his chest was rising and falling and you wanted to tell him to breathe but the words failed to come out. 

His hands gently touched your rib, applying pressure to help soothe the pain, “Are you okay baby? I’m so sorry.” 

He looked so scared, and you all wanted to do was reach out and remove the lines of stress you could see forming on his forehead. 

“I’m sorry are you-” The man who pushed you spoke up, realizing what had happened. 

Gavi was quick to cut him off, eyes blazing as he spun around to face the man, “How fucking dare you.” 

The guy held his hands up in surrender, “I didn’t see her!”

Gavi only grew more frustrated, taking a menacing step closer to him, teeth clenched, but you grabbed his hand, shaking your head, your voice weak, “It was an accident. Please don’t.” 

Gavi’s expression softened once he looked at you, watching you clutch your side in pain as you pleaded with him. He sighed, giving the man one last glare before he backed off coming to your aid. 

He pushed your hair out of your face, tilting your face, searching for any bruises. 

He sighed in relief when he didn’t see anything. He went to remove his hand and you felt his breath hitch. 

You looked up at him only to see him already staring at you with a beyond worried expression, face distraught, “Shit Y/n you’re bleeding from your head.” He spoke, showing you the blood coating his hand. 

You felt yourself let out a breathy laugh, “Well at least I didn’t get kidnapped.” 

He narrowed his eyes at you, not appreciating the joke, “I’m serious Y/n. This is bad.” 

You reached out to grab his hand in your own, “I’m going to be fine. See the medics are already here.” You said, moving your gaze to the medical staff who was climbing the bleachers rapidly, eyes fixed on you. 

You felt him squeeze your hand as the medics surrounded the two of you, “You’re never coming to another game again.” He warned. 

You smiled at him, squeezing back, “Think I might have to break that rule."

[unabashegirl]

Different 11 - college hs

Harry's quiet, routine-driven life changes one weekend when he meets Y/N through a mutual friend at her party. She comes from a superficial, materialistic world with absent parents who believe money solves everything. Despite their differences, something clicks that night, and Y/N can't stop thinking about him.

Authors note: Hey everyone! I wanted to take a moment to thank you all for your incredible support. I’m currently 164 subscribers away from being able to cover my medical school tuition, which is a huge milestone for me. I’m not sharing this because I’m asking anyone to contribute more, but rather to see if you could help spread the word by reposting. Sharing my posts and helping me reach new people would make a world of difference, and I’d be so grateful for your help. Thanks again for everything!

check out my patreon (starting at $2) and get full access to the rest of the chapters, various one shots and much more :)

---> different masterlist <---

Harry was profoundly infatuated with her. He liked everything about her. He was fascinated by all her little actions, like how she fiddled with the pendant on her necklace when she was analyzing something or how she would stick the tip of her tongue out when she was carefully focused on a task.

Because of this, he wasn’t bothered when Ganesh scolded him upon arrival, nor did he care that he had to stay up later than usual to finish his work for the next day. It was all worth it because he’d gotten to spend time with her.

“Do you understand where I’m coming from?” Ganesh stressed, pacing around the dorm room. He had stayed up just to tell him off.

“Yeah.” Harry honestly had no excuse. He had gotten so distracted with Y/N that he’d forgotten about all the work he needed to catch up on. “Sorry,” he muttered, just wanting to get Ganesh off his back. Harry was only interested in texting Y/N and letting her know what a wonderful time he had spent with her. He also wanted some time alone to process everything and savor it.

“How was it?” Ganesh asked, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Good.” Harry wasn’t one to share too much about his private life.

“That’s nice. Maybe we should go out for coffee with her sometime.” Ganesh had been raised by extremely strict parents who demanded nothing short of perfection. He didn’t understand his roommate's obsession with the girl. Ganesh could tell Harry had a promising future, and to him, Y/N was just a distraction.

“I’ll let her know,” Harry nodded, turning on his laptop and settling at the desk. He checked his phone as soon as he noticed Ganesh getting into bed.

Y/N let him know she was home and safe and that it had taken her a while to respond because she’d taken a bath. She fell asleep before he finished his work, holding her phone in the middle of sending a text, even after she had reassured Harry she wasn’t tired.

Harry couldn’t blame her. It had been a long day. He was tired too, but his thoughts about her kept him entertained. He couldn’t forget the way she looked at him, the way she touched him. It drove him crazy. In the middle of his organic chemistry homework, his pants were once again uncomfortably tight. Harry shifted around, but it was impossible to get comfortable. So, after much sighing, he decided to take a cold shower.

The water cooled him down; it wasn’t relaxing, especially since the temperature outside was almost below zero, but it was soothing. He shut off the water once he had calmed down, just in time to hear his phone ring.

“Where have you been?!” Mitch yelled loudly. He had been surprised not to see Harry in class.

“With Y/N,” Harry answered truthfully as he took some clean clothes from his drawer. He was drained and just wanted to end the call, but Mitch was his closest friend. However, Harry was exhausted, needed sleep, and had an entire day of class ahead.

“How was it?” Mitch asked with curiosity. He still couldn’t believe that his quirky, introverted friend was hanging out with one of the most desirable girls in college.

“I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow,” Harry sighed as he got into bed and turned off the lights. “I’m exhausted.”

“Deal.” Harry hung up and cuddled into his pillows and blankets.

People were chatting loudly, and the clinking of utensils against plates made the atmosphere even more chaotic. Harry was the first to sit at their usual spot and start eating. He was having carbonara pasta with some bread that wasn’t as bad as he’d expected. He just hoped his stomach wouldn’t disagree later.

“I just had the worst class ever,” Sarah sighed as she sat down at the table. “What are you reading?” She noticed Harry reading some printed copies.

“An article about a new medicine the FDA is trying out. It’s for my research class.”

“For next week? You’re really getting ahead.”

“It was due yesterday. I have to send my thoughts to the professor via email.” He had written to everyone, saying he had a family emergency, and because Harry was such a good student, all his professors had given him an extra day.

“You didn’t go to class? Where were you?” She asked as she stuffed her face with her favorite salad.

“With Y/N. We went out.”

“Where?”

“North Shore. To a drive-in.”

“That’s cute.” Sarah smiled, glancing over his shoulder as she spotted Mitch making his way to the table with a big tray filled with all types of food. “Did you tell her how you feel about her?” she asked just as Mitch sat down. “She’s not going to wait around.”

“It’s official,” he said casually as he annotated the corners of the article. Just as they were talking about her, he received a text from Y/N.

I’ve got a test to study for. Want to meet me at the library after lunch? I’ll see you in a few hours.

“Who are you texting, and why are you so smiley?” Vanessa had been Y/N’s closest friend since freshman year. They had met during pre-season. They weren’t as close as some other friends, but Y/N felt she could genuinely trust her, unlike the other girls she had met.

“Harry,” she replied, trying not to blush in the middle of class.

“When am I going to get the chance to meet him?” Vanessa had heard from others that her friend had started seeing someone on campus. “I hate this class,” she mumbled, typing something quickly on her laptop from the professor’s lecture.

“Are you going to the party?” Y/N whispered back as she tried to keep up with her notes.

“Of course. Is he going?”

“I think so. I’ll introduce you then.” Vanessa nodded as they quieted down and turned their attention back to class.

Y/N waved goodbye to Vanessa and the other girls as class was dismissed. She was excited to meet Harry and spend time with him, even if they didn’t speak much. She just wanted to be close to him. So, she headed toward the library, stopping at the coffee shop to pick up two lattes and a snack.

Y/N had some tedious neurology homework to do and needed to prepare for an upcoming test.

“What do you want?” she asked after settling at one of the tables closest to the door. Her laptop and planner, with its highly organized schedule, were out. She had started reading her neurology assignment when Brian rudely interrupted her. Y/N stared at the screen in front of her, not bothering to look at him after that night.

“I came to do homework, just like you.” He pulled a chair out and sat down. “What’s with the attitude?” Brian played college football and was an exceptional athlete. People worshiped him, especially this season, after he came close to winning a championship for the university. With great popularity came a big ego, keeping most people at a distance. In the beginning, his boldness and confidence had drawn Y/N to him, but that was before she saw his ugly side.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she replied, playing dumb and trying not to feel intimidated by him. “I’m just doing work.” His hand came down hard on her laptop, shutting it closed.

“We need to talk. Hear me out,” he hissed, his patience wearing thin.

Brian Hill was a man who always got what he wanted, and he was willing to go to great lengths. And he wanted Y/N back.

chapter 12

[the-dawn-star]

Hi, can you please write an oneshot where the human reader tried to break up with yandere Elijah Mikaelson after discovering he is a vampire that feeds on and kills people, and it violates her moral code? What happened next is entirely up to you, thanks a lot :)

A/N: Hey! Firstly, I'm not sure how happy I am with this but I hope you like it. I kind of changed the idea because writing is hard (XD) but I hope you don't mind.

-S

+500ish words.

TW/CW: Some random person being dead, talk of blood, murder and the normal vampire stuff. Yandere stuff like obsessiveness and delusion.

This wasn’t supposed to go this way. Everything has been going so great in your relationship. And now everything has been ruined... 

It was after a marvelous evening with Elijah. You had eaten well and drank a bit of fantastic wine. You had walked home hand in hand. You had thought that everyone would be sleeping at that time but instead you found Kol and Klaus in the living room talking about something you didn’t pay attention to. And on the floor was a clearly dead body with blood covering his neck.  

After that you weren’t sure what had happened. Kol and Klaus were clearly too drunk to explain themselves, so the explanation became Elijah’s responsibility. Words about vampires, of them being immortal, of death and blood.  

You wanted to throw up. Elijah had been so kind and gentle, so kind in fact that you had fallen in love with him. But this changed it. When you looked at your perfect boyfriend now you just saw all the people he had killed, the innocent people, the blood on his hands.  

You had wanted to leave. After Elijah explained what you had seen you were ready to run away from the house and never look back. But you still cared for the man in front of you and to your surprise Elijah didn’t let you leave. Saying it was for your safety, to make sure you wouldn’t do anything stupid. So that’s why you were laying on your bed that you normally shared with Elijah. But for now, you were alone and terrified of your boyfriend.  

~~~ 

You didn’t assume that you would wake up anymore. If he had killed other people, what would make it that Elijah wouldn’t be killing you too. But you did wake up..., Elijah’s hand gently on your cheek. You wanted to run away, to fight back his kindness.  

“How did you sleep?”  

“I’m fine...,” Your words were barely a whisper and very much a lie. You felt horrible. 

“I didn’t mean to tell you this way..., I was scared of you knowing..., knowing who I really am. You must understand that.”  

You did. You knew very well the feeling of being scared of showing the real you to the people around you. But in your case, you weren’t scared to show people that you were an ancient vampire who needs blood to survive.  

“And I’m sure you will understand it even better once you are turned.”  

Your eyes widened with Elijah’s words, and you ripped yourself off of his touch.  

Did you understand something wrong? What was he talking about?  

“I know it is scary, but I promise I will be there with you at every step of the process. And maybe one day you see that I’m doing this for you..., for us.”  

Elijah’s smile was gentle just like the tone he spoke the words that you did not understand. Where had you gotten this so wrong?  

“What are you saying?” You asked.  

“I have loved you ever since I laid my eyes to you. You are meant to be mine..., but we cannot be together fully as long as you are a human...”  

You didn’t know how to respond.  

“I’m doing this for you..., for us.” 

[charmedreincarnation]

Hello! How are you? I am very good for now. because after trying for over a year I switched to void state last night very easily! it was an incredibly amazing experience for me. I stumbled upon your account on tumblr a few days ago, I saw a lot of people have succeeded with the method you suggested! I felt so happy for them!

Now I will tell my own success story.

I used to be so obsessed with it that I was just procrastinating and "trying" to get into the void when I had so much work to do whenever I had free time.

Throughout this process, I always thought that I would not succeed and always went back to the beginning. I was very bad with everyone around me, I was constantly fighting and exposed to violence. In short, I was experiencing hell on this earth.

Months passed and I decided to focus on my life a little bit. I tried to think positively and convince myself how easy it was for me to manifest. But there was one very important thing that I forgot, all the evil forces in this hell were coming only on me, only me.

I spent the whole of last year and the first months of this year like a living dead...

But in these last few days, I have made a decision that will radically change my life. Before, I tried every method to enter void constantly, but something was not going well every time. So I decided that it would be easier and more useful to just assume that I woke up there, rather than making dozens of efforts to enter void 2 days ago.

THE DAY I FINALLY ENTERED THE VOID CONSCIOUSLY!

I didn't listen to the subliminal, I just did a 20-minute meditation, my wish to revisit life in more detail. At the end of the meditation, I said only one affirmation: I will wake up in void tonight.

I wasn't tired and very sleepy that night (these are usually what people think is necessary for a void).I just lay on my bed in my usual position and affirmed that I would wake up in void at night. After that I already went straight to sleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night, I didn't move. The sounds were so muffled, it's like you're listening to a song through a broken earpiece, that's how I heard it. I stayed like that for a few minutes, then the sounds suddenly stopped and I felt myself being pulled into the darkness. My heart was beating so fast, so I focused on calming myself. I couldn't feel my body anymore, as if someone was separating my soul from my body and floating it in a vacuum of space. That's when I realized that I really succeeded! And I calmed down for a while and then said my affirmations. I didn't make a special list, so I said it all one by one.

My manifests:

The face and body I dreamed of down to the smallest detail

My desired name, surname(i have two names in different languages)

My dream room and house with all the items on my Pinterest board(There were almost 50K pins on the board I mentioned...)

I overhauled my father as someone else entirely. With his nationality, zodiac sign, appearance, name.(I also added that he is a person who gets along perfectly with his 4 children and his wife!)

I made my mother younger in appearance, not in age, I also wished her a happy and peaceful life in every way.

As for our financial situation, my father is an extraordinarily wealthy businessman, we own the largest house and the most luxurious car in my city. We also have 4 modern apartments and 1 huge villa in another city! It does not end with these, we also have houses in America, France, England!

I also manifested new phone and other electronic gadgets.

We are 4 siblings in the family and we all get along very well, no hurtful words and no violence!

I have a private room for my unfinished clothes in my room and a very nice bathroom adjacent to my room!

I also manifested success in the lessons: no matter how long the paragraph is, it stays in my mind only once I read it and I never forget it! I do not have a single error in all the tests I have solved.

We have a total of 4 pets including 2 cats and a puppy and a husky dog. Our garden is huge, with a big swing, a covered area to sit in in the winter, and lots of lavender flowers, white roses!

By the way, I manifested that I have lived this life from the beginning, so our house is full of memories we have accumulated with my siblings and parents since childhood, our childhood photos everywhere, emotional diaries my mother wrote when she was pregnant.

I also manifested new friends to myself: one of them is famous (keep this part private lol), I wished to meet him since childhood. Apart from her, I also have a male friend who is our family friend and my best friend who lives with us.

That's all I wanted, I left everything else to my subconscious and my last sentence before leaving the void was "I will open my eyes to the life I dreamed of".

Finally, when I came out of the void, I heard my brother's voice, scolding me for turning off the air conditioner in my room and leaving it on until morning, and saying that he would be very upset if I got sick. (it did indeed come true more perfectly than I had imagined! )

The reason why I wrote my success story and the life I manifested at length is this: most people limit their desires and try to make do with less. Believe me, I was thinking the same way a month ago, thinking that living the life I wanted was unfair to the people in my life. But lately, thanks to what those people did to me, I realized that all this time I had been unfair to myself, not to them. After realizing this, I reminded myself that I only deserved the life of my dreams.

And now that I'm who I should be, I'm pretty happy with it. I can't thank you enough  my dear. The success stories you shared motivated me a lot and helped me take action.

I am so proud of you my love. I absolutely adore revision stories as well as the usage of intention which is my personal favorite method. No method is stronger than your will to have your desires. Thank you so much for sharing your story and I hope you continue to always live your best life <3

[mackmp3]

☕how the writers delt with river song

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP THEY DID MY GIRL SO DIRTY there are so many. good river song moments. and there are so manythat make me want to tear a strip off steven moffat like every goddamn episode with her they have to make some obnoxious sex joke or some Honey Im Home type shit & i understand this is like. A Moffat Theme & i dont always hate it but goddddd its so reductive like there is so much!!!! that could be done with her character !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is overshadowed by haha what if she was sexy like STOPPPPPPPPPPPP.

like silence in the library was a really good character lead in & i like her!!! as a character !!!! even the overly flirtatiousness unfortunately that would work on me but even aside from that. she is a good character let down but the sheer pull-it-out-of-your-ass writing of her backstory. like?? she could regenerate cos she was conceived in the tardis okay thats really cool much weirder stuff has happened when it comes to tardises & making babies but then WE SeE THIS FOR LIKE. ONE OR TWO EPISODES BEFORE THEYRE LIKE WHOOPS THAT DOESNT WORK ACTUALLY COS SHE'S DEAD UHHH SHE BETTER UHMM IDK SAVE TH E DOCTOR OR SOMETHING WHATEVER> COS HER ENTIRE LIFE HAS TO REVOLVE AROUND HIM. HASHTAG MARRIAGE AMIRITE like even the fact that her entire life was shaped around him isnt a Bad Idea it just feels like no one considered the tragic impies (implications) of this, & simultaneously doing amy so dirty in the process as well like??? she loses baby mels & then discovers she was her (never previously mentioned) childhood friend but then she uhhhh dies & turns into this woman you already know and them????? barely eveer mention it again???? holy shit?????????????????????? amy & river is a freaking horror story but one that the writers seem imcapable of dealing with because sOMEONE is too busy making obnoxious jokes about married life

a lot of thsi is specific to the General Vibes of the eleven era stuff as well which was in general so so weird about women & while its not like twelve or any of teh other doctors are expemt from this eleven is a massive dick to people quite a bit & a lot of this falls on river b/c he is seemingly (iirc i havent seen some of this stuff for a while though it Haunts Me) almost careless? with her? like a sort of 'welllllll she's here now so it was all okay in the end :)' sort of attitude ignoring that she went through A Fuckton Of Stuff before she was even a concious human(mostly??) being

even the husbands of river song is tragically guilty of some of that stuff like. she's seen some wild shit & she should have known it was twelve wayyyyyy way way quicker. like i understand why she didnt for plot reasons but she is in fact very intellegent like. she's allowed to show that. unfortunatley sometimes women cant be smart & have their boobs out at that same time I GUESSSSSSSSS

also the nine & river audios from earlier this year? i really like archipelago i listened to that a couple of times & i thought it was really powerful but AGAIN the writers make river So Fucking Obsessed With Romance like. you'd let it go by that point. nine had literally just proved he's the most aro guy in the universe (good for him) and shes stillllllll flirting at him. which. imo she wouldnt do anymore because, shock horror, she does actually like him as a person & values his company and you would think you would be friends wit hthe guy YOU ARE GONG TO MARRY OR WHATEVER. NOT THAT THEIR MARRIAGE WAS PARTICULARLY ROMANTIC EITHERIM GONNA BE SO REAL. obviously sex is important to her & good for her but yikes. it doesnt need to be mentioned so often.

like its the whole 'inherent tragedy of waiting for a time traveller' stuff which i do eat up every time meeting her in silence of the library & knowong that there is so much more there - VERY COMPELLING !! really good character intro augahagaauuaajaaajahhahahahhhh but nooooo her Entire Fucking Goddman Life has to revolve around being manipulated & The Doctor AS WELL AS !! the completely uncalled for ohhhh im a PSYCHOPATH ( <- unfounded & demonstrably untrue lowkey this is saneism right. thats an ableism there yes? ) thing they alllwaysssss have her say like well!! shes not !! theres 'youre talking about commiting a murder'/'no im not, i'm actually commiting a murder' which i like & is funny & she would say that and then theres teh vauge oooohhhhh im so Freaky & I Have A Gun or whatevr like augsugsaihuahahaouoauauoouauoauoauoauuo

also twelve & river had freaky t4t bi4bi aroallo sex after the end of husbands of river song but no actual dw writer is enlightened enough to see that because they have to flatten her into The Doctors Wife & she would have had a far better dynamic with 12 than with 11 (not that i'm biased) i wish they got more time togetherrrrrrrrrrr also you should listen to the bekdel test (diary of river song audio with missy)

[bee-in-my-bonnet]

Thoughts on Taigen's switch from wanting greatness to happiness

Random theory/thoughts on Blue Eye Samurai/Taigen/Mizu because it's taken over my brain. Also ~SPOILERS~

I thought it was kind of odd that Taigen went from being obsessed w/ regaining his honor/seemingly marrying Akemi (imo) mostly for the status to suddenly being like "I just want to be happy and have a small happy life". Like all his actions up to that point seem to point to him wanting to be *great* not *happy* (see him insisting to Ringo that *he* is great, and being pissed off hat he doesn't get the respect he deserves)

Maybe his mindset switch is just exhaustion from all the violence, but that doesn't seem very him since he is, after all, a samurai. Maybe instead it's his quiet admission that he will refuse to actually partake in the duel/attempt to kill Mizu. If the only way for him to regain his status is to kill Mizu, and he cannot bring himself to do that, he has to give up on being *great*. Happiness, perhaps, is the next best option (also, an obvious way to maybe subconsciously still get the most out of his relationship with Akemi, since it fits with the moment). I also like the concept of the bridge representing that switch in his mindset - in the castle, with Mizu, he is still dedicated to greatness. By crossing the bridge and leaving Mizu behind, he is also leaving his desire for greatness behind.

I wonder if too, a small happy life seems more palatable after his time with Mizu in their hometown. I doubt he's thought it through to this extent, but it felt almost like a little slice of life/shadow of what a small, happy life with Mizu could be. Bringing her breakfast (*the* move for any MLs) and getting straddled by her by the fire (and clearly liking it) perhaps put a new concept in his head of what he truly wants. He spent so much time assuming he would hate a small life because of his own experience with his father, but maybe he starts thinking...but wait, this is actually where I want to be.

In the moment he pushes it aside and projects this newfound desire (of a person, and the concept of a life) on Akemi ("I guess I miss Akemi") because that's an easy way for him to process a TON of new emotions (desire for who he thinks a man, doubts about his entire life path, a reframing of his entire ego)

very curious to see what goes down in S2 👀

[lakesbian]

The only book in my bag that I hadn’t already read was called ‘Triumvirate’, a biography of the leading three members of the Protectorate. I was thinking I would spend as long as I could on Mr. Gladly’s assignment before reading, because I wasn’t enjoying the book. Biographies weren’t my thing, and they were especially not my thing when I was suspicious it was all made up.

obviously this is the part in a worm reread where one goes "teehee, Heehoo, so it was," but beyond that i think it's interesting that this bit establishes that taylor is already disillusioned with and distrustful of the narrative the PRT is presenting for itself, and it gets me thinking abt some of the early contradictions in taylor's behavior & thought processes we're going to see soon. her trauma has led her to deeply distrust systems of authority & society as a whole: the school system + A Lot of the children attending her school knew she was being bullied, and did absolutely nothing to intervene. this is reflected in her power--rather than being focused on control over just a few people or minions at once, it turns her into a walking panopticon, allowing her to survey (or attack!) entire swathes of a city at once. she feels that society itself is watching her and is either indifferent to or actively hostile to her, that attack could come from any direction at any time. and so she has the ability to watch everyone back, to avoid relying on any system of support by having her own thousand eyes (and as she learns how to innovate with her power later on, effectively her own thousand hands with which to control situations on a very broad level).

but despite this disillusionment with systems of authority (PRT/triumvirate included), despite her utter lack of trust in them and in people as a whole to do good, she still starts the book off by being Really Into the idea of being a hero, to the point where she places a nonzero amount of good faith in armsmaster under the very false expectation that he "owes her one" or would otherwise stick his neck out for her when all he's done is beef with her, a 15yo. (armsmaster why are you beefing with a 15yo.) and this fundamental bit of dissonance between her beliefs & her actions is because she'a internalized the idea that society is cruel and uncaring to her because there really is just something wrong with her, because she really is that ugly or disgusting or stupid or just Too Taylor for anyone to care about her. she distrusts systems of authority (& society as a whole) for not giving a shit about her, but she is not immune to the inevitable outcome of bullying wherein the bullied teenager believes that if they could Just Be Different, if they just Weren't Themselves, if they just weren't this terrible unlovable person, then maybe they wouldn't be treated this way. her initial obsession w/ being a hero is very much about that--she wants to believe that if she puts on this costume, if takes up this alternate identity and does it right, then the PRT will value her, then a system of authority & society as a whole will finally accept her and recognize her as something good and treat her fairly. which is a belief that we'll see ruthlessly shredded as she tries time and time again to place some last bit of trust in the PRT to not be Totally Ghoulishly Awful and the PRT breaks that trust every single time :)

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Ok regarding that “can i make Yves do my homework if I give him my childhood pictures” ask, exactly how much access does Yves have to our lives? Does he have images or videos from when we were still a baby or would they be new information to him?

A bunch of my baby pictures and videos are lost because my dad lost the computer that had them but we recently found my aunt’s old camera filled with our childhood pictures, it was a pleasant surprise for us but would it be for Yves too?

It absolutely is. If Yves was there with you while your aunt showed you the photo gallery of her old camera, Yves would momentarily lose a bit of inhibition and let his pupils dilate to a maddening degree before instantly constricting it back to appear normal. It's a rare, super deluxe edition photos of you, there isn't anything else like it out there as they're most likely not uploaded to the internet or a cloud based service, where he could easily hack.

Him coming across media from your childhood or at least during those early days where people still go to and get their photos developed, is like winning the lottery for him. Because, although he tries to collect everything relating to your existence, there is only so much he can do in a day. He rather prioritizes the present and the future, as the past is the past; neither you nor him can change it, he can only understand or connect it to your current behaviours or thought patterns.

He does have some information about you as a baby or a child, but that is if they're "readily available" to him. (I.e., it can be found in predictable places like in your childhood home.), that is why, Yves would try to build a good relationship with people you grew up with, to extract information.

Despite being reclusive as he is, Yves would never fail to attend every and any family gathering he is invited to or expected to come. Encouraging that drunk uncle to drink more if he knew he has something to say about you, bribing your relatives with gifts and career opportunities, perhaps even drugging that really difficult and combative cousin to make them more bearable to interrogate.

As soon as he knew your aunt could be another goldmine of your data, he would get to work. Wasting no time building a rapport with her, it's a piece of cake given how obsessive and manipulative his nature is.

Inevitably, your aunt will come to love him and see Yves as family. By extension, her relationship with you will skyrocket too, she will invite you to her place much more often even though she might not be the most sociable person in the first place. Yves will find a way to make her bend to his whims.

The majority of their conversations would be about you, only sometimes Yves would talk about something else if it meant he could keep the drive to spill more about your lore going. His sharp ears and mind will pick up on clues as to where he might find more pictures or writings about you. He would then break into your aunt's home to give it a thorough shakedown and leave without a trace. Yves would repeat this process until he's positive that she has nothing left to offer. That camera is getting fucking stolen and replaced with a duplicate.

It didn't matter if your aunt was a minimalist or a severe hoarder, he would go through all her things just to try and find pieces of your puzzle. He would wade through cobwebs, dust piles, rat droppings and mould if he had to, Yves isn't scared to get dirty to obtain what he wants, "squeamish" isn't in his vocabulary.

When she is robbed of all your essence, Yves would become distant. Not hostile towards her, just cold and indifferent. He would still maintain some sort of relationship with her though, in case she becomes useful again later. As of now, he either puts his entire focus on your current peripheral and direct life, or start to hunt other members down- from his snooping, he had learned of other people who may have valuable input about your childhood.

All of this is happening in the background. You wouldn't suspect a thing, there wasn't a dip in his attention for you. In fact, he may have gotten a lot more smothering, as Yves would be shaking at the thought of testing out his new theories and hypothesis that were birthed from his new knowledge.

He just loves you so much that he couldn't help himself but to get greedy. Yves wants all of you; past, present and future. And any version of you that could have been.

[feyspeaker]

Hi! I made an account just so I could follow your work. Your art is brilliant and honestly and inspiration to where I want to be. I’m an older artist who has all the anxiety when it comes to improving my process. I’m trying to get into digital portraits and I have so many ideas in my head, but it’s frustrating because I’m not where I want to be to make this happen. What are some tricks that help you/software do you use? Of course, you don’t have to share anything that makes you uncomfortable. I currently have procreate and an iPad, but I feel a little lost. Wondering if I need a different writing tablet and photoshop. Not sure. I just eventually want to find that 3D, but also artistic look you are able to achieve.

hey there! thank you so much!!

ultimately, I will sound like a broken record but I always recommend you sign up for local figure drawing or painting classes. have people pose for you at home and sketch with charcoal and paper. go to the zoo and sit down in front on an exhibit for an hour and try to draw the animals in front of you as fast as you can and fill a couple of pages, move on to a new exhibit and do it again!

nothing is more powerful of a tool to learn than whatever writing utensil you have in your purse and the back of a napkin when you see something you'd like to capture. I've spent quite frankly my entire rememberable life doing this. I used to spend every single day in middle school/high school/my brief failed stint in community college with a pack of cheap sharpies and a beat up binder full of old worksheets and homework to draw on the backs of.

drawing/painting from life will teach you better than anything.

I use a very outdated version of Photoshop, and only got a "nice" tablet in the past 7 months.

Also, a huge tip to you and anyone else reading this: do NOT get too focused on a "style" that you want. Obsessing over that just ruined me for years and years. I wanted so, so, so badly to be the next Matsuri Hino when I was a kid. I copied her work religiously and it NEVER looked right. Frustrated me to no end. And you know why my stuff never looked like hers? Because I'm not her! You can't force your art to come out any way that isn't natural, and the sooner you can accept the art your hand wants to create, the happier you'll be and the easier art will get for you.

The past couple of years before I started diving into this more realism based work, I was just shoving myself through trying to make what art I envied of others. Very stylized/textured watercolor comic book style stuff. And I just was NOT getting any better at it. I have always been more inclined toward realism work, but I've hated it and yearned for stylized work. Yoshitaka Amano? God, I just drooled over that artstyle and beat myself up for never being able to capture it in studies or otherwise.

I finally essentially restructured my entire career around making the art that makes me happy instead of what I "wanted" it to look like. I was extremely depressed, my life was falling apart, and I still needed to make art to survive but I couldn't "art" if I was depressed and hated doing it, so I just had to step back and stop worrying so much about what I thought I wanted to make, and started making what felt most natural.

there's no easy way, and art can be a soul destroying path at times, truly. your software and hardware should come very last place compared to practicing from life (it doesn't matter if you want to paint cartoony stuff of realistic stuff, always start from life). naturally you will find what makes your heart sing the most.

I get a lot of messages from people telling me similar stuff "oh your art is EXACTLY what I want to do!" but I promise you that kind of thought process is chasing a dragon that is likely to harm or drag your creative process down. art style is such a deeply personal thing, so of COURSE it's important to find inspiration, but the second looking at someone else's artwork stops inspiring you and starts frustrating you, put it away.

There are some artists who I love, that I do not check up on often because their artwork ignites, like, serious bitter jealousy in me. It's the truth. I get so mad at myself for not being more like them, and it's such a poison. I think more artists should be transparent about this feeling because I KNOW the art community has a lot of jealousy and ugliness in it.

A fact of being an artist is that you will never be completely happy with a piece you make. You are always going to see the flaws, and that doesn't change whether you'd been drawing for 2 months or 20 years. Occasionally, you will get one piece that you are like "how did I make that???" and then get frustrated that you can't recreate it lol! It's a tough beast.

It's just really important to step back and work on yourself and where you are at, because at the end of the day, the way your soul wants to express artwork might be WILDLY different from what your brain wants, and it can be really detrimental to let those two go to war.

I hope this helps. I'm very passionate about this, and when I started out I ALWAYS ignored the artists who gave the same exact tips as above. I thought they were so annoying and unhelpful, but now I /get it/.

[aphroditeslover11]

Pregnancy With Emmett Headcanons

I’m (sort of) back, easing my way in with some headcanons and a mood board. A Bond inspired Lenny Miller fic is also in the works but the plot is taking some thought. Love to you all and thanks for bearing with me.

Basically, I have baby fever and nowhere to direct it, here are the results!

Warnings: fluffy garbage!

He is the absolute most sensitive guy whilst you’re pregnant, starting the whole process clueless and then reading about 10 pregnancy books in the first two weeks of the pregnancy.

More that happy to go out and get weird foods at 2:00am to satisfy your pregnancy cravings.

He’s over the moon about the idea of being a dad and definitely cries at the first scan when he sees the baby in the monitor, even if he won’t admit it.

He has an obsession with your baby bump and has his hands on it as much as is socially acceptable and more than is so when you’re alone together. Feeling the baby kick is the the most excited you’ve ever seen him.

So overprotective in the later stages of your pregnancy it becomes lowkey annoying, but it’s coming from a place of love. He’ll stop when you get frustrated with him, but he’ll stand there with a face like a kicked puppy if you yell at him for it.

You can’t tell me he doesn’t have a golden retriever called Max or something similar that won’t leave your side whilst you’re carrying. When the baby is born he becomes its best friend.

He’s with you the entire time you give birth. Internally he’s freaking out from seeing you in pain but he can’t help a sense of pride in how amazing you are. He’ll hold your hand through the entire thing. There’s a photo on the mantelpiece of him perched on the side of your hospital bed with his arms around your shoulders as you cradle your new born.

He’s a girl dad, I’m sorry but he just is!

He’s going to learn how to do French braids and there will be one day where he turns up to work (I picture him as a mechanic for some reason) with his nails painted pink because he forgot to remove it after his daughter’s efforts the previous day.

She’s going to be a total daddy’s girl. If anybody ever tries to touch her they will have to answer to him. Good luck to her when she reaches an age to start bringing boys home. None of them will stand a chance or ever be good enough for his little girl.

[batboopp]

Batman: I Am Suicide- a comic breakdown (how trauma can shape your life)

huge cw for suicidal ideation and self harm! i seriously mean it it’s not even subtle 😭

another heads up, this essay really only talks about one issue, as that’s the only one that really goes into what i want to talk about! maybe i could do a full comic breakdown in the future. <3

(most of this is written whenever i have some of free time, so please ignore if any sentences/paragraphs are incoherent or run on for awhile 😭😭 i hope you like my batman drabbles :D)

It’s common knowledge that both Bruce Wayne and his Batman persona are very emotionally tortured, usually refusing any help or healthy way of processing his thoughts, emotions, and actions. He’s deadset that nothing but Batman, muscles, and pure determination will save Gotham city-therefore saving any child from having anyone taken from them so brutally, the way his parents were taken from him. You don’t have to be a psychiatrist to know that this black-and-white way of thinking is not a healthy way to process trauma, and some may argue that it borders along the line of insanity or mental illness. Although I’m not here to specifically talk about those parts of his psyche, I DO want to talk about how this extreme way of thinking affects-and even shapes-his entire life and personality.

“A kid and a vow. The ears and the belt and the batarangs and the Batmobile and the gargoyle and the roof and the leather and the armor.”

“How sad. How stupid. How immature.”

“How hilarious. How hilarious all of it is. I want to laugh, too. Do you know how much I want to laugh?”

Starting off strong, we can already see that Bruce has SO much self doubt about himself and a sort of awareness of just how absurd his whole mission is, something I personally see a lot of, but I always appreciate when it’s brought up. A thing about Bruce is that if he has a plan or a mission, he WILL get it done no matter how insane it is, and it’s nice that part of his obsessive personality is displayed here. However, even though he puts his whole soul into his Batman mission, he expresses that he can’t help but feel almost desperately hopeless about it. This might be me reaching, but it seems he wants Batman to be this thing he can sort of lessen by laughing it off. This may be surprising to some, but Batman laughing off and joking about his situation isn’t uncommon. In many comics, he makes jokes about horrible things he’s gone through, he cracks puns at his villains and rouges while he’s getting the shit kicked out of him, and most importantly, he laughs a lot at himself. Bruce wants it to just be-less. It’s almost depressingly ironic that he wants (whether subconsciously or not) this symbol of raw hope, justice, and pure dedication he built with so much effort to be less than it actually is. It’s a lot, so much that Batman himself can barely take it.

“After the alley and the gun. And the pearls. What use was I? After the blood on her hand, what use was a little rich kid who’s mommy and daddy got shot?”

“I was pain. That’s all I was. Everything else, every chance given to me, every promise I’d ever made, all of it was pain. And what use is pain? What use is being all pain? It’s not dignified. It’s not kind. And if it’s not dignified and not kind, then maybe it’s not worth anything.”

“Maybe it’s better off as nothing. Gone. Dead.”

Here, we can see that Bruce thinks he’s worthless, to the point he thinks he’d be better off dead. Not only that, you can argue that he sees his own pain as a weakness, and yet he uses it to shape his life. “I was pain, that’s all I was. Everything else, every change given to me, every promise I’d ever made, all of it was pain. And what use is being all pain?” He goes on to say “It’s not dignified and it’s not kind,” which you can infer he’s talking about himself here, with his ‘I am pain’ analogy. He thinks he’s inherently violent and undignified and worthless because of this pain, even though we KNOW he does not see other’s pain as a weakness. In fact, he is normally comforting of people going through hardships, especially to children or those close to him. This is a very common form of self-deprecating behavior, thinking that whatever you’re going through is automatically less important than the well-being of others.

“I was 10. I got one of my father’s razor blades, and I got down on my knees. I put the metal on my wrist. The edge scratching cold. The blood on my hand. And I looked up. To Mother and Father. I told them I was sorry. I was so sorry.”

“I was on my knees in Gotham. And I was praying, pushing my hands together now, the blood and the blade warm between them.”

“I prayed. And no one-

no one answered.

No one answered.

No one answered.”

“I was alone. Like everyone else. Like everyone in Gotham. I saw everyone in Gotham, all of us. We’re all on our knees, our hands together, the blade and the blood warm between them. We pray. And no one answers.”

“I saw. And I understood. Finally. Kindness. Dignity. I let the razor fall, and I understood, it was done. I’d done it. I’d surrendered, my life was no longer my life, and I whispered-

‘I swear by the spirits of my parents to avenge their deaths by spending the rest of my life warring on all criminals.’”

We have a lot to talk about on this panel. To follow up on my third paragraph, I’ll start talking about his absurd amount of empathy, as I feel like it pairs with when I stated Batman cares about the well-being of others more than his own. This extreme sense of empathy and understanding is developed when Bruce describes self-harming over (presumably) his parent’s graves. “I was alone. Like everyone else. Like everyone in Gotham. I saw everyone in Gotham, all of us. We’re all on our knees, our hands together, the blade and the blood warm between them. We pray. And no one answers.” He describes how he ‘saw everyone’ in Gotham. How all of them are going through hardships. How all of them are alone. And that’s when he understood kindness, love, dignity. And, more importantly, when he decided to give up any chance at a normal life and pursue his crusade, his destiny, of becoming the Batman. He says he swore on his parents dying souls, but he knows he swore on his own, too. 

We can also gather that this is the death of his belief in religion, ‘I prayed, and no one answered.’ The correlation with religion and a sense of innocence or fear in Batman comics isn’t unheard of, and I like to think that’s what the writer is getting at here. Batman is a known atheist, and states this multiple times in many different comics. It’s nice to know the exact time his belief in religion died, and that was when he prayed.

In conclusion, I really like this panel because you can just feel the resignation coming from Bruce. He will give up every part of himself if it means another person doesn’t have to suffer, and I think if you want to make the most accurate Batman possible, it’s important to remember that.

“So that’s what it is. The ears. The belt. The gargoyle. It’s not funny. It’s the choice of a boy that chose to die.”

“I am Batman. I am suicide.”

To wrap this up, Bruce states that he is very aware that being Batman would consume his life, would destroy any chance he had at a healthy future, and would obliterate any healthy way of healing from his trauma. He lets this pain, he lets the Batman, build him and his life and he will never let go. It literally fuels him, as you can see him pummel so many soldiers to the ground without breaking a sweat. Pain drives him. The will to be Batman drives him.

hope you enjoyed my shitty essay! please let me know any thoughts, opinions, critiques, or disagreements you might have, i’d love to hear them 

[scullysflannel]

ok i was feeling crazy bc i kept seeing the "like a switch has been flicked" quote on here and then i get to that episode and scully says the speech and i'm like scully wtf are you talking about!!!! shes saying all this stuff about suddenly realizing youre in love with your best friend and i'm like scully my love that has not been your experience at all though. but i liked your post about it maybe being scully lying to herself a little as she processes her feelings for mulder. i liked "the rain king" and i thought all the ship baiting was fun but there was something kind of off about it too, like the in-your-face-ness of it all was jarring and i wasn't sure if that was intentional or if it just happened to land oddly for me. i think iconicscullyoutfits said smth about how in mistaking scully & mulder for a married couple, the townspeople flatten the relationship and fail to understand everything scully & mulder are to each other, and i liked that. i liked your point about how putting scully & mulder in typical domestic situations always showcases the ways they chafe against them, i think that's so crucial too.

all that aside though it was still a gorgeous episode i liked the heart shaped hail and i loved seeing scully & mulder in the rain because of course it evokes them in the pouring rain in the pilot!!! and the score is particularly lovely in this episode, there's like a repeated love theme mark snow does for sheila and her weatherman which surprised me because that's not really typical of xfiles episode scores and it made it feel almost like a film. i kept turning up my volume so i could hear the music better ^_^

right! and thanks! I said this in that post, but it's hard to tell in season 6 when the writers are leaning into rom-com conventions to make a point about how mulder and scully don't fit those roles and when they're just squeezing them into those roles for fun. but it is fun! and either way, the intentions behind "the rain king" don't really change its effect, which is that the truth of mulder and scully is too interesting and too private to be flattened into something traditional.

but at the same time one of my favorite x-files things is the "both and"-ness of the truth: it's both complicated and simple. mulder and scully don't fit the rom-com friends-to-lovers template, but there is something true about "the rain king" essentially saying "just kiss, it's not that hard." it's the benefit of being just one episode in a procedural that can go anywhere: painting them as small-town marrieds can't remotely sum them up, but the fact that scully fantasizes a little about making their relationship fit that mold means the emotion of it still means something to her.

she and mulder are both obsessed with telling themselves there are still lines they have to cross. if they can pretend that friendship is something that happens before the big commitment instead of the biggest commitment the two of them could make, the other milestones have more meaning. which is not entirely wrong, in a darin morgan "we create our own meaning" fiji mermaid sense. they still have to decide when to define the same things they've been doing this whole time as romantic. I love season 6 because everything they're anxious about is both so easy and so hard. it gives the storytelling more leeway to be unsubtle, because what is obvious can still be difficult to accept. which is kind of the essence of "I want to believe." it's hard to let yourself be loved.

anyway, it's a cute episode, and the stylized elements like the music really help. (so funny that mark snow sometimes sleeps through the big episodes and then something like "rain king" or "soft light" comes along and he's inspired.) love that "the rain king" also carries on the season 6 wizard of oz motif. it's such a grand adventure to get home, but all you have to do is click your heels.

[ruminiscence]

Character Analysis of Johan Liebert - Monster, Naoki Urasawa (2004)

In my opinion, Johan represents Jung's concept of the shadow, which is why both Tenma and Nina couldn't kill him in the end. Despite tirelessly, and relentlessly going after him. If they did end up doing so, they would be destroying themselves in the process. The constant fear on Tenma's face once he heard the buzz words 'monster' and 'inside of me' highlights his underlying fear. It is, of course, aggravating, considering how close they both were to killing Johan (multiple times, might I add). But, to them, it would have come at too high a cost.

Consequently, Johan was not the monster he and everyone thought him to be. The forgiveness Nina offered to Johan (as well as) Tenma’s acceptance (in a way) gave Johan that validation. In my opinion, Johan had an identity problem, not a complete lack thereof, as most people say. Johan completely understood how senseless the world is; the picture book from his childhood made sense of that senselessness. That narrative (mostly born from the book) gave significance to his existence, whether he knew it or not. I found it interesting that he went through several names throughout his life, but ‘Johan Liebert’ was recurring. Whether this is just for convenience's sake, I don’t know.

The scene where we see his reaction when re-reading the book (likely the first time since he was a child) furthers this notion. Johan's facial expressions are to be paid attention to, every single one, even if they barely change. We see the most significant change in his face in the final scene: that of sheer disappointment, hopelessness, and defeat. His master plan did not go accordingly; the plan was for him to be completely wiped off the face of the earth, rendered fictitious. The drunk man who unexpectedly shot him stripped him of that. So did Tenma, in not allowing Johan to kill/destroy his (Tenma’s) altruistic nature.

Johan's perfect suicide ultimately fails because he is not the nameless monster he believed himself to be; this is shown merely in the fact that he does not kill (nor even think about killing) Nina & Tenma; he realised that they are the only two people to understand him in this world. This also explains Johan's bizarre attachment to Tenma from the get-go (which also makes a lot of sense). In the scene where we listen to the tape, we're made aware of Johan's desperation; he does not want to forget 'Anna'; he believes they are the only two people in the world. Later on, Tenma was added to that list. Hence, every other person's life is rendered meaningless to Johan; this is the reason for his remorseless killings, of course. He killed everyone that could eventually be tied into his and Anna/Nina's existence, and arguably Tenma, too.

I also think Johan eventually lets go of this (seemingly) obsession with names in the final scene. Whether the last scene of him and Tenma speaking was a dream or not remains significant. Before Tenma reveals his potential real name to Johan, the subject is changed. This is when we learn about the biological mother's sacrifice. Despite her not choosing to sacrifice Johan, he still doubts the decision. All of this is to say that perhaps the failure of his perfect suicidal plan was, in fact, the real success after all. He successfully kills everyone who does not know him but knows of the nameless monster's existence. This explains why the only two people on this earth who did are still alive and were eventually saved emotionally.

In a way, they also saved Johan too. Hence the *seemingly* peaceful disappearance from the hospital. He just wanted to be understood. This is also why I believe he asked Nina to shoot him as a child and then again all those years later. His mother placed this seed of doubt, which he seemed confident in, but because of Nina's existence, he could extend this and not be entirely solid in this sense of doubt. He latched this on to Nina's being, hence merging their identities. As a child, he did seek her forgiveness despite his contradictory actions (asking to be shot). When she finally offered forgiveness in a similar situation later on, the doubt was gone. That little spec of forgiveness and acceptance was all he needed. Acceptance is not to say that he wanted her or even Tenma to accept his actions; hence, Johan says, 'We can't turn back now' when Nina does forgive him. Other people and their deaths (at his hands) simply did not matter to him; he was utterly indifferent to it. So evidently, that one thing mattered to him, which he mostly did not believe to be real; it turned real, giving him what he had so desperately been looking for since childhood. He is saved. The only three people that mattered in the show (concerning Johan's essence) are saved. 

[sawyerconfort]

the coven (+ marie and kyle) realizing they must be in love with you would include...

Officially back and so ready to write for our coven!

To celebrate that I'm reopening requests, I decided to give you some headcannons. They've been running through my head for a while and I thought I should post them ASAP!

Hope you like it!

Anyway, enjoy!

Orders are officially reopened, but please take it easy! I don't want to leave anyone without posts around here!

-------------------

The Coven and Their Allies Realizing They're Must Be In Love With You (Young!Reader, just for the record!)

Cordelia Goode, Fiona Goode, Zoe Benson, Madison Montgomery, Misty Day, Nan, Queenie, Myrtle Snow, Mallory, Marie Laveau and Kyle Spencer!

Cordelia Goode

Ok, we know that Delia went through a lot before getting here and that her self-esteem is not the best…

Regardless if it's as Supreme or before that, Delia never felt enough for anyone to love her and definitely avoided falling in love.

Maybe after Hank, things got worse in that regard.

But there, in the middle of her path, there was you.

Cordelia tensed as she realized that she was liking you more than a friend.

She didn't want Fiona to know (if she was still alive), so she just kept it a secret.

Okay, maybe Myrtle would have been the first person to know that she was in love with someone again, but she was the exception.

And Cordelia had to process all that on her own for a long time before she got up the courage to talk to you.

It started with just an exchange of ideas, a casual conversation that happened out of the blue when she approached you somewhere you guys went together.

Cordelia even offered to buy you drinks from time to time, a way of signing that there was something more and a way to at least be helpful and content.

(Of course it wasn't out of the blue, Cordelia kind of calculated her steps (not in an obsessive way) so she could get to you without stuttering…)

Delia won you over little by little, and your conversations gave her the confidence to keep going ever since.

Until the day she thought she couldn't keep it all to herself anymore.

"I'll be honest, I don't think I've ever felt anything like this for anyone before, but the truth is, I'm in love with you, (Y\N)… And, you know, it's okay if you don't love me back."

Secretly, she wanted you to reciprocate.

And well, actually, you reciprocated because who wouldn't fall in love with Cordelia Goode, right?

Fiona Goode

Let's start with the fact that you destabilize Fiona's entire pose the moment she first lays eyes on you.

And has been doing so ever since.

Falling in love has never been a problem for Fiona, she has done it countless times, and every time her loves have yielded incredible things for her.

But with you, it's different, and feeling it knocked her out at first.

Like, she's the queen of self-centeredness, and all of a sudden, she starts caring more about someone else than herself…

Nobody, nobody at all, would know that Fiona Goode is in love.

Oh yeah, and then there's the age thing, which she found a little humiliating at first, especially when she realized it wasn't a spur-of-the-moment thing.

Of course, she had to make the first move.

And it would happen at a time when you're alone, at the bar, probably ordering a drink (similar to Cordelia's).

The difference is that Fiona wouldn't waste any time.

So, you can expect anything, anything, from her.

Endless flirting to make you blush.

And she always cracks that smile when she succeeds.

She will probably strike up a conversation, trying to find out what your tastes are, and use that to her advantage in an attempt to win you over.

Apart from the irresistible charm, which she uses even involuntarily.

Not to mention that once she got more intimate with you, she would brag about being the Supreme and most powerful witch ever.

"Would you ever consider dating someone older, (Y\N), like, casually?"

Zoe Benson

I believe Zoe (just like Luke) would be the most normal person to fall in love with, and handle it better than other girls.

Like, of course, she has the issue of her power and the like.

But I don't think she would consider that, especially after getting used to being a witch and having control of her powers.

Not that there wasn't that care and concern for her safety either, because the moment she realized everything, she wouldn't want to lose you.

I think she would also be like Cordelia and would need some more time to gain confidence in herself to confess her feelings for you.

Still, you can expect a few notes in the most unusual places you should find them, written by her.

Some were references to poems, others were song lyrics. Zoe would use that feature to be able to declare herself to you without having to use her words.

A few subtle flirtations when you met casually, whether it was on purpose or not.

Zoe is incredibly distracted when she is in love with someone.

And that would yield great content for Madison, who would be the first to find out about her coven mate's new love.

In a pre-Apocalypse era, Cordelia would have been your confidant.

And if it happened after that, Zoe would find a way to handle it all on her own too.

Either way, Zoe wants you to be sure that being with her is completely safe, despite the troubled life she leads.

"I think I'm in love with you, (Y\N). I'm serious."

Madison Montgomery

(anon who asked me a while ago about madison falling in love and being a complete mess, this one's for you!)

I don't think I need to comment on how frustrated Madison would be to fall seriously in love.

She doesn't give in that easily to anyone, but with you it's strangely different.

You can expect a softer side of her to come out over the days.

Not that her bitch side didn't prevail, of course, but you get the point.

Madison has a huge difficulty with words, and she secretly doesn't want you to know that it's because she has self-esteem and emotional issues.

Usually, when she stutters to talk to you, Madison pretends it was just a random distraction, with something passing by that caught her attention.

And you know the truth, but you think it's cute when she doesn't admit it, so you just let it go.

When she decides to tease you for fear of showing too much weakness and showing her feelings, it gets hot…

Like, when her bitch persona takes over, you can expect the dirtiest flirting, with her claiming with all the certainty in the world that she's going to win you over, no matter what.

But the thing that always gives away how much Madison fell in love with you is her jealousy flare-ups.

If you're relatively close and hang out together, she'll get used to other people talking to you.

But if you start a friendship for now, you can expect that seeing another person too close to you would give her a nervous breakdown.

Another one of the cute things Madison in love would bring you.

Given time, she would open up to you, no dirty jokes, no malicious intent, just pure, genuine feelings.

"Fuck, (Y\N), I swear to God I'm going to regret this, but I need to tell you that I'm in love with you, and this time I mean it."

Misty Day

There is no more lovable person while in love than Misty Day.

(Okay, my favoritism plays a big part, but honestly, I can't imagine anything else happening on Misty's part.)

It's very likely that this is her first time falling in love with someone, and it leaves her literally in a panic for days…

She's always done pretty well on her own, but after she got to know you, she realized that company might not be such a bad idea.

But she's a little scared to get close to you, scared that you'll somehow abandon her.

So things would start out slow, with Misty approaching you, making conversation and hoping to get to know you better after that.

You would expect her to get very carried away talking about the things she likes (aka Stevie Nicks, swamps and flowers).

And you can hope that would be the cutest thing to witness.

Speaking of flowers, she would take you to see the Miss Robichaux Academy greenhouse, in an attempt to get even closer.

And then she would make a point of introducing you to her favorite songs.

If it happens at a time when she's already tested the Seven Wonders, Misty would make a point of playing with a few of them to see if you're more easily impressed.

Misty is exceptionally clumsy when it comes to being in your presence.

Like, at the ultimate level, literally, she's a mess whenever she sees you, her nervousness, wondering if she's doing everything right.

And Cordelia would be responsible for calming her down when needed (and giving her advice on the best ways to get to you.)

"So, (Y\N), I think… I think I like you. Like, a lot. In fact, I think I'm in love with you, that's it."

Nan

Nan is too confident about her feelings to talk to you.

So honestly when she realizes she's in love it's not a problem.

She's just a little in doubt if it's really what she wants, and if you won't be amazed at the things she can offer.

Nan realizes that falling in love is harder than she thought, so whenever she can, she enlists the help of the other girls.

Madison would certainly tell her to confess her feelings at once and don't give a shit.

But Zoe would certainly be keen to give the best advice.

As it turns out, Nan has her own ways of dealing with these kinds of feelings, and again, once she really does gain confidence, she'll come after you without any help.

Little gifts and a few words of affirmation are all it takes for Nan to demonstrate how in love she is with you.

She's occasionally showing off her gift of clairvoyance, just to impress you and make sure it's not a problem.

"Okay, this is incredibly unexpected, but I'm having a vision about us… and that means I love you beyond friendship, (Y\N)."

Queenie

Queenie would probably be a person who would easily give in to feelings.

Not that being in love wasn't a shock to her, because it would freak her out that anyone actually cared about her for who she really is, even if she was a complete mess.

But once she was sure how she felt about you, she would go to great lengths to let you know.

She's completely honest, so whatever she has to say, she'll say it to your face, of course, as softly as possible, but directly.

Queenie is the type of person who, in front of others, would pretend to hate clichés.

But she would do them all for you, from little notes to sweets to a cliché date in the moonlight to flowers, anyway…

Now, if you wouldn't mind knowing, Queenie would die and kill for you (after all, that's what voodoo skills are for, right?).

She wouldn't think twice about confronting someone who was harming you, even if it meant hurting the person physically.

"I'm sorry, but I had to. I love you, (Y\N)."

And at the end of the day, she's just being honest and looking out for you.

Myrtle Snow

Complete madness, that's what it would be like when Myrtle Snow fell in love with you.

She may appear calm in front of others, but would secretly freak out when she realizes she's into you.

Unlike Fiona, she probably wouldn't deal well with the idea of the age gap at first.

But Myrtle would get used to it and see how insignificant it is when she realizes that her company is good for her.

Like, it's the first time Myrtle has been able to feel truly happy, not being in Fiona's shadow or the Council itself.

And she would certainly go against several Council laws for you.

But there would be the weird part of it, the crazy things you would be exposed to, being with Myrtle.

Of course, at first her ideas were completely crazy, but you learned to like it and get used to it.

To help, now you make her think twice before trying to gouge someone's eye out or making an impulsive decision.

Countless trips to Balenciaga now and then, the only place Myrtle and you would feel safe being yourself.

"(Y\N), honey, I think I like you more than I should. I think I definitely love you, in a romantic and sexual way."

Mallory

The biggest cliché of two teenagers falling in love could possibly happen between you.

Mallory is the most devoted and romantic person you could ever meet.

She's shy about admitting her feelings for you at first, but she'll learn the best way to say it without being too direct and scaring you off.

Coco basically being your cupid.

Mallory would hand you little presents from time to time, and when she noticed you had a bad day, she would do anything to cheer you up.

Very cute scenes of jealousy would happen even before she confessed her feelings.

Just like Misty, she would use her knowledge of the Seven Wonders and other powers to impress you.

And maybe, combined with her angelic beauty, it would work.

"I love you, (Y\N). More than a friend. More than I've loved anyone in my entire life."

Marie Laveau

Marie is tough and keeps everything a big mystery.

But she wouldn't be initially surprised to be in love with you no matter what.

I mean, she doesn't have to worry about love lives anymore after she supposedly got the woman she once ruined with her romances.

Without Delphine, Marie would become someone much more open and secure about her feelings.

And she would let you figure it out for yourself what was going on, though, because she was still afraid to express herself out loud.

She would make a point of keeping you safe from her enemies.

And I think Marie would be the perfect companion to learn how to survive in an increasingly cruel and evil world.

After all, three centuries of existence had to indicate something, right?

"The thing is, I think you're hot, (Y\N), and what do we do now?"

Kyle Spencer

Kyle is the smol bean we all deserve.

If it happened before the accident and before he was magically turned into a frankenstein, he would do anything to get at you in the best possible way.

But if it happened before, he would probably also be brave enough to take the first step and surprise you with the most infamous pick up lines.

If it happened later, Kyle would be afraid to scare you with brutality as an enemy.

But he would be surprised when he realized that the love he felt for you kept him from hurting you in any way.

Small gestures that would show how much he loves you, secretly, without having to use words.

Kyle would still remember a little bit of his life before the accident, so as time went on, he would become frustrated with not being able to talk to you about how he felt.

And I think he would make an effort to learn to speak again if it meant that it would bring you closer.

"I. Love. You. (Y\N)."

[lauralot89]

Loveless

I'm late on this because the book was published in 2020, but I only heard about it in the last month when I was reading an article about asexuality in fiction but in case anyone is out of the loop like me let me tell you about this glory

Loveless is a YA novel by Alice Oseman, author of Heartstopper and Solitaire. It tells the story of Georgia Warr, freshman at Durham University, and her realization that while she's in love with the idea of romance, the actuality of a romantic/sexual relationship repulses her.

Alice Oseman herself is aroace, which makes perfect sense because throughout the novel I kept asking myself, "How does she know? How does she know?! How did she get these thoughts out of my head?"

for my fellow ace and/or aro people, let me quote some of the lines that just got me straight in the soul:

"I had a theory that a lot of people's "celebrity crushes" were just faked to fit in."

"I was disgusted by the thought of him near me. Wanting things from me. That wasn't normal, was it?"

"Oh, God, this thing is actually real, it's not just in fanfics and movies. And I'm supposed to be doing it too."

"Did I even know what romantic feelings felt like?"

"He was clearly the sort of person who I should like romantically. Who I could like romantically. He looked like a boyfriend. I loved his personality. I'd loved his personality for years. So I could fall in love with him. With a little bit of effort. Definitely."

"I thought I'd understood what all these romantic things would feel like--butterflies and the spark and just knowing when you liked someone. I'd read about these feelings hundreds of times in books and fanfic. I'd watched way more romcoms than was probably normal for an eighteen-year-old. But now I was starting to wonder whether these things were just made up."

"Straight people don't think shit like that."

"Just because I'd never liked anyone didn't mean I never would. Did it?"

"I thought all the movies were exaggerating, but you're all really out there just craving genitals and embarrassment. This has to be some kind of huge joke."

"How could I feel so sad about giving up these things that I did not actually want?"

"I felt like I was grieving. I was grieving this fake life, a fantasy future that I was never going to live."

"How was it fair that everyone got to feel that except me?"

"I never had any crushes when I was a child. Not any real ones, anyway. Sometimes I confused friendships for them, or just thinking a guy was really cool."

"For a long time, I was just dating and having sex because that's what people did. And I wanted to feel like those people."

"You've been so confused about stuff. You really thought we could be together, because you do love me. Not in a romantic way, but just as strongly."

"Oh. This is an asexual thing. I forgot other people are obsessed with having sex."

seriously the entire time I spent with this book I just kept asking "was this written for me specifically?" because that's exactly how it felt.

It is a gorgeous book that explores that bizarre feeling of not knowing the word for what you are, not even knowing that you are something out of the ordinary because we don't define ourselves by what we lack and we just expect that one day, it'll happen and we'll be like everyone else. That struggle of trying to differentiate between loving someone and being in love with them, and trying to make the former into the latter and hurting everything in the process.

It is so good. 10/10, no complaints

also there's an asshole in the university's queer pride group who doesn't think aces belong and everyone hates him so that's fantastic, aphobes fuck off

in conclusion I highly recommend it