#because that’s when you get modern batmans

[seekingxanadu]

On the issue of Alfred being a bad dad to Bruce, of Alfred enabling Bruce's bad behaviors:

I think the problem is modern Batman writers made the mistake of making Alfred a father figure to Bruce. An elderly employee can call his much younger perhaps-about-to-die employer "son" but that doesn't make them father and son. So when they get cute with the "aw Alfred is Bruce's papa" narrative, they end up making Alfred's character worse. Alfred's most consistent take has been that he is an employee and it is most visible with or around his interactions with Dick. Alfred seems to think of Dick as Bruce's employee. Again, it is a mentality from the 30s-40s when it was very natural for rich men to collect strays - I'll give you room and board, you will earn your keep by working in my land/business; to Alfred, Dick becoming Robin was to support Bruce's Batman in the field.

But modern Batman writers have woobified Bruce. He's not just the 35-40 year old wealthy businessman, scion of an old wealthy family, who has collected vulnerable youngsters around him and offered them a safe place. In the 30s and 40s, a 35-40 year old man was expected to be mature and a familyman. In the 90s and after, a 35-40 year old wealthy man isn't expected to be that anymore. Then again, it was the period that started to de-age Bruce. Because Dick, his first ward, was already an adult now.

So DC needed to make Batman younger and at least, deflect the idea of Bruce being a parental figure to a 20 year old man. So we started getting Alfred being Papa to Bruce, of Bruce and Alfred forming a family unit blurring lines of parent and employee. BUT Bruce was also the vanity projection of these Batman writers - they don't listen to their papas, so why would Bruce. Bruce was not Alfred's son, Alfred should know his place as employee. So we get Alfred written as just loyal employee who looks at Batman's allies as people serving Bruce. If Jason gets "a good soldier" plaque, Tim and Damian got Robin suits to just go backup Master Bruce already. And Dick?

Dick is a curious case with Alfred. Alfred clearly cares for Dick like a son. There is more familial closeness between Dick and Alfred than between Jason, Tim, and Alfred. Alfred has known Dick since he came to the manor as an 8 year old. It's a boy Alfred can claim to have raised- or at least, fed, cleaned, housed, medicated. Alfred knows Dick has Master Bruce's back in the field. In this regard, Dick is Alfred's extension. Alfred serves Master Bruce in his civilian life, Dick serves Master Bruce in the field. To be clear, I am assuming Alfred's thought process. Not Bruce's or Dick's. Sometimes, it feels like Alfred considers Dick another Wayne servant, equal to Alfred's rank.

All this rambling to say, I think Alfred is used as excuse to limit any blame that Bruce deserves for his bad decisions.

Just like some writers and stans make Dick apologise for Bruce's violence against him; we are now using Alfred as smokescreen to excuse Bruce's actions.

I am, by no stretch, saying Alfred is blameless. But Alfred is an employee, an old man probably very possessive of the Wayne scion who had only Alfred along during his growing years, and he is standoffish as any butler.

This is also why the idea of Bat "family" is so flawed. They are not a family. They are a clan of allies. They are a disparate set of individuals operating under the Wayne umbrella. Alfred is not Bruce's papa. Dick and Jason are not brothers. Their time in Wayne manor did not even overlap. Same with Damian and Jason, Damian and Tim. Damian and Dick mirror Dick and Bruce of 20 years ago and those two dynamics are that of a familial unit (though Bruce breaks the tie with Dick multiple times).

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 171

Danny would like everyone to know it was a complete accident. Look, normally he was really good at not altering the timeline! He was! 

But the dude was definitely not in the right Time, and he had to get his trust which took so long, like damn he thought he had anxiety. Seriously though, kevlar in the 1700s? Yeah that wasn’t right, and Peepaw always complained about the messes that the speedsters caused, so he was trying to prevent a mess by tugging the dude away and helping him out. 

Falling in love maybe a little, was not in the plan. But honestly the man had a worse sense of self preservation than he did as a teen and was also straight up adorable, in a wet cat  who could kill you sort of way. 

So maybe he helped the dude grab a child that was going to be drowned. It wasn’t like anyone else saw them! Even if similar situations might’ve happened a few different times. 

Still, no one saw them! 

So why is there now a small cult who worships the Shadowed one and Radiant one, aka his companion (who would not give his name save for B, which, fair, probably didn’t want to accidentally wreck the timeline either) and well, him?! At least they worship them as guardians of children, but uh. Should he maybe, perhaps, fix this…? 

[nyerusnova]

nevermind i saw the leaks, i was right lmao.

jason is fine and they just coordinated to trick failsafe to get it to frazzle out afaik.

that makes sense considering the entire point of #147 was bruce deciding to work with his family despite his growing paranoia over their safety, etc. given that zdarsky has been trying to explore bruce's mental state, it would have made no sense for him to immediately validate that paranoia, instead.

[redrobemerle]

So did anyone at any point say “wfa isn’t canon to its own canon”? Y’know since you need everything stated explicitly in big bold letters? Funny how you couldn’t pick up on one thing *oh but somehow you were able to (mis) understand what people were actually subtly saying when it’s suits what you wanted to see.*

* This last part has a bit of sarcasm in it just so you know.

sar·casm

noun

the use of irony to mock or convey contempt.

since apparently you only bothered to process my third bulletpoint, here's something you might want to brush up on first if you decide for some reason you want to go back and reread my full response to your original ask :)

also like. i told you to block me. you choosing to continue getting upset with me about this is 100% on you. honestly im finding this more funny than anything <3

[farshootergotme]

Okay, this works if it's an alternative universe. However, in main continuity, the version of Jason Todd who died, killed by the Joker, was never almost adopted by Dick Grayson.

The first Jason is from the Bronze Age, from Detective Comics #526, 1983, written by Gerry Conway. The second Jason is from the Modern Age, being his first appearance in Batman #408, 1987, written by Max Allan Collins, and then later killed in Batman #428, 1988, written by Jim Starlin.

Detective Comics #526

Dick Grayson wants to adopt Jason Todd after the death of his parents.

Batman #408

Jason Todd meets the Batman after stealing his tires.

Batman #428

Batman holding the lifeless body of Robin, Jason Todd.

With that cleared up, let's now talk about the argument between Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson after the death of Jason Todd.

Coming back from a space mission with the Titans, Dick Grayson is informed of the death of his brother, Jason Todd, by one of his teammates, Danny Chase.

Danny: It's not a big deal, anyhow. Happens all the time.

Dick: C'mon, already. What is it?

Danny: I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure. I think Jason Todd was killed.

After this, Dick confirms the fact and then we skip to a different scene, a panel of Dick already in the Batcave, waiting for Bruce.

Bruce: I didn't expect to see you again.

Dick: I heard about Jason. I'm really sorry, Bruce.

Bruce: You weren't at the funeral. People asked about you.

Here's where the guilt tripping begins. "You weren't at the funeral" yeah, I wonder why that is, Bruce. Could it be because you never told Dick about Jason's death? (Dick, New Titans #55, to Kory "Bruce never called to tell me what happened to Jason."). Even though Alfred offered to tell Dick himself, but you refused?

Batman: A Death in the Family chapter 5

Alfred: Should I get in touch with master Dick, master Bruce?

Bruce: Huh?

Bruce: No… No, Alfred. I'll handle this by myself.

You sure did handle that well, Bruce.

And then “People asked about you.” People, you say. What people, Bruce?

Jim?

Barbara?

The mortician?

Panel of the funeral of Jason and Sheila Todd, attended by Bruce Wayne, Jim and Barbara Gordon, Alfred Pennyworth and a mortician.

Not only does he make it sound as if he had to explain to strangers why his eldest son wasn't at the funeral of his brother, he blames Dick for it.

But I'm getting off topic here.

Now, let's talk about one of your main points

“Bruce never actually says anything about Jason's death being Dick's fault - Dick pulls that out of nowhere”

See, I don't know about that.

Let's take a look at the scene:

New Titans #55

Dick: C'mon, Bruce–Talk. Don't turn your back on me. I'm here…now.

Bruce: You were Lucky.

Bruce: When you didn't listen to me, your injuries weren't fatal. Of course, by the time I properly trained you–

Dick: Bruce, c'mon…Lay off. I'm not here to fight.

Bruce: Then don't!

Dick: Are you blaming me? I left, so Jason replaced me, and because I left he died? No way, pal.

Dick: Jason wasn't me. I was a trained acrobat. I could think quickly in perilous situations. But why did you let him become Robin before he was ready?!?

When you read the dialogue, it does seem like Dick says that out of nowhere. But let's think about how the whole interaction starts:

The first thing Bruce says to Dick, he already sounds accusatory, “I didn't expect to see you again” with emphasis in the ‘you’. Dick, of course, ignores it, and goes to explain his reason to be there. He's not instigating any kind of fight. Despite that, Bruce continues to act confrontational “You weren't at the funeral. People asked about you.”

There you can already sense a pattern. Bruce isn't outright saying it, but he is subtly laying a guilt trip on Dick.

Now you have to look at the last part of the dialogue Dick interrupted.

“Of course, by the time I properly trained you–” you left. That's what I'd assume he was going to say, thus Dick's next line: Are you blaming me? I left, so Jason replaced me, and because I left he died?

And Bruce doesn't deny it. He doesn't tell Dick he's wrong (which clearly he isn't afraid to say looking at this whole conversation). So, yeah, maybe he doesn't explicitly state it. But silence can be as much of a confirmation.

The whole conversation has been about Bruce indirectly blaming Dick for not being there, for not coming to the funeral. Is that far-fetched to think he's still doing the same in his next dialogue?

Bruce also talks about Dick's time as Robin, comparing him to Jason. Because of Dick, Bruce had an expectation, and because of that expectation, he was careless with Jason. Following this logic, Dick “made” Bruce believe something which then wasn't true for another child. Bruce didn't consider the very different background Jason came from, and gave Jason the training Dick had, which had been more than enough for the first Robin. But they weren't the same people, and this was Bruce's mistake, which he's now projecting on Dick.

Dick, whether he was right or not, already sees where this conversation was going, and so he points this all out to Bruce.

Then comes the widely hated panel from this issue, which turns this interaction from heated to blatantly aggressive:

Bruce: Don't you dare blame me for Jason's death! Don't you dare!

Yeah, Bruce, is not nice when you feel like somebody's blaming for someone's death, is it?

And, of course, he doesn't stop there.

Bruce: Why did I think I needed a partner? They slow you down. They make you worry about them rather than doing your job! He wouldn't listen. He wanted to do everything his way. He was just like you. In a few years I would have had to fire him as I did you.

Bruce: Why are you pretending to be concerned about Jason? You told me you resented it that I had adopted him and not you.

Dick: No, I didn't. I only asked why you adopted him.

Bruce: We've gone over this before, Dick. I'm not interested in continuing this conversation. I suggest you leave. And give your key to Alfred on your way out.

Bruce: I don't need a partner. I never should have had one. And I never will again.

There's a lot to unpack from this.

First, he rants about why having a partner is awful, to his first partner. Then he suggests Jason was a problem because he was just like Dick. What is Dick supposed to say about that? 'Sorry for letting the kid want to be like him?' He follows that by trying to gaslight Dick into thinking he resented Jason, thing Dick never did. And Dick tries to tell him exactly that. But no! Despite the fact Bruce was the one to bring it up, now it doesn't matter. Why are you trying to speak about this, Dick? We already talked about it. Stop. And for the cherry on top—because all previously done wasn't enough—he kicks Dick out of the cave and orders him to leave his key. He's basically telling him he has no place to come back to. This isn't his house anymore.

Now, all of this is to say this is not an argument between two parents, fighting for what happened to their kid. No. This is a father and a son arguing about the death of their other son and brother respectively. An argument that ends in physical assault.

“What Dick says is much more about Dick trying to avoid his own feelings of adult responsibility for a child and guilt for failing that child” he is an adult, but Jason was never his responsibility. Not as a parent, at least.

Does Dick feel guilty for what happened? Yeah. Because that's how he is. He has self-blame tendencies. But his guilt has nothing to do with him seeing Jason as his kid, nor did Jason ever think of Dick as his parent. They were brothers, and that's as far as it goes.

(And their relationship as brothers didn't really have the chance to grow due to Dick's busy life. He did try to be there for Jason and they had some quality time here and there, but not as much as they would've liked.)

Anyhow, it is an interesting idea if you mix both timelines. But, in-universe, the Dick who wanted to adopt Jason Todd and the Dick who met Jason by chance are two different people, and it was the latter who had this argument with Bruce.

I think there's something that gets lost in these conversations about Dick and Bruce's infamous confrontation over Jason's death, and it's tied up in how, originally, Dick wanted to adopt Jason himself. Because he felt a personal sense of responsibility for him for reasons that had little to nothing to do with Bruce.

With that context, the confrontation is much more clearly about their respective senses of responsibility for Jason, rather than Dick simply calling Bruce out. Bruce never actually says anything about Jason's death being Dick's fault - Dick pulls that out of nowhere, apropos of nothing, and it doesn't really matter if it's true or not because you can't really call someone out for something they never said to you. They might be choosing not to say it because they know it isn't a fair or reasonable thing to say.

What Dick says is much more about Dick trying to avoid his own feelings of adult responsibility for a child and guilt for failing that child, even if he's correctly guessed that Bruce is internally doing the same thing.

[long-live-astronerd-ghost-king]

DPxDC prompt: Danny is Chronos' first child.

Well, not his first child biologically, to be completely honest.

It just so happened that the Phantom very often helped/helps/will help Clockwork at different times and his presence next to the titan required an explanation.

And the opportunity to call Zeus a little brother is worth a lot, right? So when the Ancient came up with this idea Phantom did not resist just to have such a pleasant bonus from their cooperation.

However, in the time of the gods and heroes, such a solution was not a problem. But in modern times, when Phantom tries to attract as little attention as possible in order to graduate from university, such relatives are more likely to cause a lot of problems.

~~~~~

Wonder Woman: Uncle Danny?

Superman, who wanted to chase away a teenager serenely strolling through still smoking battlefield, turns to Wonder Woman, who is waving affably at excactly this guy.

Well, Fenton honestly happened to be in Fawcett City by accident, and it just so happened that by chance it was on this sunny and cloudless day that the villains decided to cause riots worthy of the attention of the founders of the Justice League.

Danny: Diana! My dear, it seems like we really haven't seen each other not for a long time! In what century was it? Ah, I honestly, I barely remember it... The speed at which children grow up defies the laws of time. I mean, look at you! Your mother must be so proud. How's Dad? Still not paying child support, arrogant bastard?

Wonder Woman: Oh, uncle, please. I'm all grown up now, don't worry about me.

Danny: Hm, well, let's get back to this question later. I didn't want to embarrass you in front of your friends. Anyway, would you like to introduce them, little princess?

Wonder Woman: Of course, meet Kal El, Batman, and Shazam. The rest of the guys have already returned to our base. Would you like to...

Danny: Ooh, you're talking about, um... What do you young people call it? The Justice League, right? During my youth, the heroes rarely united and mostly performed all the feats alone. It's good that you help each other, kids.

Danny flies up a little to pat Superman and Batman on the head.

Under the Diana's gaze full of hope that they will get along with her uncle, the men do not move.

In the background:

Red Hood and Robin who used to hang out with Danny near the Lazarus pits: *sounds of seagulls dying of laughter*

~~~~~

Flash: So you're Diana's uncle?

Danny: Yes, call me Danny.

Flash: Cool, cool...

Danny: What does the temperature have to do with it? Do you need ice? Let me make some for you.

Flash: No, it's like,um, I didn't know that Zeus has a younger brother with that name. So, it's good to know?

Danny: Hmm, thanks. Many people tell me that I look quite young, hah. But actually I'm his older brother, so...

Flash: Older? Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to disrespect.

Danny: No, it's all right. It's "cool". I rarely appear on the pages of your human myths and legends, I know it. After all this business about Chronos devours his own children, my father punished me for a long time. So, yeah...It's a funny story.

Flash: Punished for what? How?

Danny: Uh, sitting in a room at a time when there is no Internet or electricity is not fun at all. You see, I just didn't want a younger brother or sister because I was afraid that my parents would pay less attention to me. So, I made up this stupid prophecy and persuaded Gaea to tell it in order to remain the only child in the family. My father would never have thought that I would decide to kill him, that's why...Phah, it's just a bad family story. In 10 thousand years, we'll all laugh about it.

Flash: Yeah, that's... funny.

~~~~

Danny *is woken up by an emergency call from the League at three in the morning, although he fell asleep at two o'clock* (he gave his contact so as not to upset his niece): I knew this would happen! I knew it!

~~~~

Billy Batson *stands in his human form in front of the Justice League and doesn't know what to say*,*sweating nervous*.

Danny *enters the hall*: What's up, mortals, Diana and...Batman? My father said that there is something that I have to be here for. Oh! Well, at least someone in this family is also a shapeshifter. Have you decided to make a younger form so that your uncle doesn't feel lonely? What a good boy! Usually everyone is so afraid to seem like children, once they turn a couple of centuries old. Ah, youth~

Billy: Yeah, I decided to..experiment? and it seems I got stuck by accident.

Danny: It's okay, Uncle Danny will help you. Come on, let's go...

~~~~

Danny *teleports them to the Fawcett City*.

Billy: ....

Danny:

Billy: Hey, I'm still stuck!

A new portal opens and a man in a purple cape hands Billy a note. "Go to Constantine. P.S., my son always completes all assignments only by half, sorry." written on it.

Billy: Oh... OoOhHh!!!

~~~~

Meanwhile, Constantine, who is forced to do additional work: Son of a bi... beloved and respected Master of Time.

Danny: Yeap, that's me.

Constantine: Damn it. Couldn't you just let Batman adopt him like in other timelines?

Danny: And where's the fun in that?

[pa-pa-plasma]

just finished watching Blue Beetle & the dude who's lines were 90% "my name isn't Sanchez" is listed as "Sanchez" in the credits

[dcxdpdabbles]

Interdimensional FMK (fuck, marry, kill)

The High King of the Infinite Realms (aka Danny “I’m either gonna marry my childhood best friend or die alone again” Fenton) was assigned the judge and now ghosts are teaming up to present three candidates from each of their favorite dimensions to present for the game. A ghost from the DC comics Dimension (cough cough Deadman) nominates that the candidates for his dimension should be heroes from the Justice League!

In his defense, the last time they did this game the previous king didn’t actually SUMMON the candidates.

Or

Danny’s best friends married each other so now his subjects are desperately trying to get him to enter the dating scene again because he’s being mopey and the last time the ghost king had a broken heart he turned into a tyrant.

"My King, would you like to play a game while we wait for the Goblins' to get their computer to work?" Asks a man in a circus outfit, his voice ringing over the crowd waiting in line to have an audience.

Danny fights not to scowl, already fed up with today's duties. He knows it's essential to give his people time to speak to him so that their worries about him becoming a tyrant can be addressed and put to rest, but recently, it feels like everyone, including their mother, wants to marry him off.

Oh, they hide it in some issue about the zone, but somehow, it always turns back to "Have you found a spouse, Your Highness?"

It was worse than going home for Thanksgiving. At least there were only his distant family members who did not know about Danny's rule. They just all assumed he was living off his parents, jobless and uneducated.

His parents and sister did their best to tell them off, which was a nice defense, but Danny had no issue snapping back at them. He really liked to rub his aunt's divorce into his face whenever she started, as she believed his sister was better than Danny in every way.

But that was family. He was allowed to be disrespectful when they were disrespectful. As King Phantom, the high ruler of the Ghost Zone, he can afford to be less than regal.

Danny attempts to ease back on his sicky-sweet smile to stop twitching at the edges as he responds. "I don't think that would be appropriate. The Goblins' technical problems are not their fault, and taking my attention away from them would be rude-"

"We don't mind!" One of the little creatures cuts in. He was the ambassador sent to speak about his people's expansion request. "We almost got the system back up anyway."

Dang it.

"Alright. What is the game?"

"It's a really popular one back in my home dimension." The circus man says, floating over the people who all suspiciously let him pass without complaint. They planned this, the rats. "FMK. It stands for-"

"Fuck, Marry, Kill," Danny interrupts, smiling at the surprise on the ghost's face. He sometimes forgets that nearly none of his subjects know he is human or that he commutes from said Earth. Despite his very obvious modern terminology, they all assume he's as old as Clockwork. "I have played before."

"Oh, well, great! Wonderful! I was thinking FMK for Batman, Wonder Woman, and Superman, " the ghost says nervously, rocking his heels. "I can describe them for you if you need me to?"

Danny blinks at the offer before he snaps his fingers and calls upon the powers of the Observers. Images of the mentioned people flash through the grand hall, showcasing their events. It seems like they were heroes of some kind—the fond memories that bring—and because the ghost had used their code names, only events within costume were displayed.

He learned this little trick during his second year of being on the throne after the council of eyeballs attempted to regain their power over the Zone.

It was nice to show them that Danny didn't need them. He could easily do his job, and he reminded them every day that they remained in the council on his goodwill alone.

Mutters of wonder echoed through the room as his subjects swung their heads around, trying to see the three heroes simultaneously. Danny smiled as one particular ghost split his head into two so he could watch Superman and Batman at the same time.

Circus Ghost claps excitably. "What do you think, your highness?"

He hums, rubbing at his chin, considering the images. The entire room leans in closer as Danny's green eyes flicker from one hero to another, and then he snaps again.

"Kill." The images shift to only Superman. The crowd groans in disappointment. He's pretty sure he heard someone exchange some coins.

"Fuck" Woman Woman poses with her sword as the ground room is overwhelmingly filled with her image as various battles rage on. There are cheers from the ghosts.

"Marry" Batman stands majestically on top of the towers of his city, but unlike his comrades, the images shown for him are none of his fight scenes. Instead, they showcase how he and his various children interact. "I like a man who's good with children."

"Good to know," the circus man mutters, suddenly writing on a glowing green clipboard. The volume suddenly increases as everyone in the room starts speaking at once, bubbling excitement and anticipation floating into the air.

The Ghost King is just about to ask why they care so much about a silly game when a bright white flash runs through the room, leaving behind the very same heroes he was just speaking about. They look confused to be in the room of the undead, obviously just been summon against their will.

Superman has a half-eaten donut in his mouth and is holding onto steaming mugs that the other two were about to grab.

Danny's face spams, but no one seems to pay attention to it because Circus Man races up to Batman and throws an arm over his shoulder. "Your Highness, you have chosen contestant number 3! He's Gotham's dark defender, father of nine, and one hell of a detective. Give it up for Batman!"

"Deadman, what is the meaning of this?" Woman Woman demands as the crowd erupts into cheers.

"I will explain later." Deadman- apparently, that's the ghost name he willingly chose?- promises but never takes his eyes off of the King. "First, Batman has a date with the Ghost King!"

"No," Batman growls. At the same time, Danny shouts, "Absolutely not!"

"But Great One, you need love. I know things have been rough since Samantha left you for Tucker." Out of all the ghosts that could have betrayed him, FrostBite speaks.

Danny gawks at him, sputtering, "It was a mutual breakup! We dated as teenagers, and Sam got with Tucker in our mid twenties! I'm thirty!"

"My King." The yeti says gravely, "Do not lie."

"For Clockwork's Sand! This is worse than my parent's house!" Danny groans, covering his face with his hand. "Send the heroes back, please. I'm not dating Batman."

"But-"

"That's an order." He doesn't quite yell, but Danny puts every ounce of authorization, which is far more effective. FrostBite and Deadman immediately cower. Danny glares at them briefly before swinging his gaze to the waiting crowd. They flinch. "And the rest of you, if you pull another trick like this, Pariah Dark will look like a kitten compared to me."

"Wait-" Starts Superman, but the living are gone in another flash, cutting him off from whatever he was going to say. This is getting out of hand, and he's so tired of it. He needs a vacation.

He should visit Sam and Tucker, the two newlyweds who just moved to Gotham after Sam inherited her grandfather's company when her Grandmother passed. The last time they spoke, they were talking about a fancy gala hosted by Bruce Wayne.

He could go for a night of classy drinks and pretty men or women as a treat.

Danny sighs. "Now, what was that about the expansion?"

[angstandhappiness]

INTERESTING ADDITION

Lukewarm take, because there's already technically a comic run about it:

Thomas and Martha Wayne would've hated Bruce becoming Batman. Not just because they would hate him putting himself in danger every night, but because they were strong advocates of reform, and helping the people of Gotham in non-violent ways. They used their money for reform-- they were trying to fix up Park Row before they died-- and Thomas helped anyone and everyone he could, despite their backgrounds.

They would've hated that Bruce runs around punching people and then causing some of the worst villains to appear, and then doing the bare minimum to stop them.

They would hate it even more that He did it in their name.

and they would absolutely be horrified that he brought children into his war, and that he needs children to stop him from going too far.

TLDR: When Bruce meets Thomas and Martha in the afterlife, Martha slaps Bruce in the face, and Thomas just sighs and goes, "You remembered all of us wrong after we died."

[ferritins]

PUTTIN’ ON THE RITZ | B. WAYNE

SUMMARY: You’re Bruce Wayne’s long suffering personal assistant. On a time crunch, you (re)teach him how to apply cologne.

NOTES: belligerent tension, Bruce is characterised more on the socialite side than Batman, though Batman is alluded to. Suggestive ending.

For all the years that you’ve been his PA, you’ve never quite understood the borderline hysteria surrounding Bruce Wayne.

The perils of having a pretty face and old money, you suppose; sex appeal sells, and the prestige of an established name and old money that lend him an air of modern-day Gilded Age aristocrat surely can’t hurt.

Not that it's of particular interest or importance to you; you're a member of the hoi polloi through and through.

The closest to celebrity you've ever come is being mistaken as Bruce’s latest paramour in some of your more extravagant efforts trying to prevent his sartorial and interpersonal disasters before they happen.

Speaking of which; as he goes to apply his cologne, you drop the lint roller you're passing over his broad shoulders and the elegant lines of his Kiton suit and grab his wrist before he can douse himself in the strong scent, aghast.

“You’re not putting cologne on like that, surely?”

Bruce quirks a dark eyebrow. "Unless you're expecting me to break the bottle over my head, sweetheart, there's not really another way to apply cologne."

“I am choosing to ignore that nickname, because unlike you, I am a consummate professional.” You inform Bruce, tone somewhere between haughty and resigned. “I know you know how to wear cologne. Mr. Pennyworth is the gentleman’s gentleman, there’s no way he didn’t teach you.”

“Oh, Alfred gets Mr. Pennyworth, but I get Bruce?”

“Mr. Pennyworth doesn’t tear loaned formal wear, disappear at inoppurtune moments, or make a tit of himself at networking events.” You huff. “You, however…”

Bruce chuckles, all baritenor delight at your insouciance towards him.

You roll your eyes.

Spray some on your wrists and dab them together, then come here and loosen your tie."

“Not that I'm not flattered, but I really don’t think we've got the time." He teases, daubing the cologne on his wrists, long fingers of his unoccupied hand working the Windsor knot of his tie loose.

Immune to his affected charm through long exposure, you sigh.

“Keep it in your trousers, Bruce. Tonight, you're learning how to wear cologne properly, again. Do you mind if I unbutton your collar?"

Bruce hums a permissive note, gaze hawkish as you step into his personal space.

“Right. So, as you already know, you want to put cologne at the pulse points on either side of your neck; your body heat will help the alcohol carrier agent evaporate faster. If you're using a lighter fragrance or a perfume oil, you'd put it behind your ears." You explain.

As you speak, you pluck the bottle of fragrance from his grasp with your unoccupied hand, and spritz his neck with it, swapping hands to hold his collar away and do the same the other side of his neck.

Finally, you spray the base of his neck; the mist of cologne gathers into a single small droplet that traces down into the hollow of his suprasternal notch.

“(All done.” You announce, stepping back.

Bruce buttons up his collar, works the silk of his tie back into a Windsor knot with infuriating ease.

“I still think it would have been less fuss to just spray it on over the fabric.”

“Lazy. Just be thankful you don't have to do your ankles." You say as you turn to put the bottle back on the dark oak of his dresser.

Heinously late, cognition kicks in, and the realisation of what you’ve just said strikes you like a thunderbolt. You close your eyes briefly, hoping against hope that Bruce’s more airheaded tendencies have kicked in, and the context has flown over his head.

When you finally steel yourself enough to turn back to face him, you find that the universe has not been so merciful; Bruce is staring at you, a wicked glee in his expression.

"Anyway! That’s specifically to perfume." You obfuscate. "The car is probably out front by now; if you're done, let's head out."

“No, no; you’re going to explain that delightful little tidbit before we go anywhere.”

Heat floods your face.

“You clearly know exactly what I meant. Let it go, it was a faux pas.”

Bruce says your name in a low rumble.

You parrot his name back at him in a faintly beseeching tone, begging him not to choose this moment to be a petty tyrant.

Bruce’s response is to raise an expectant eyebrow.

The standoff lasts as long as it takes you to check your watch, your resolve fracturing at the first hint of threat to your meticulously crafted schedule.

“Fine!” You snap, stepping close and dropping your voice to a murmur, to minimise the odds of anyone overhearing the frankly mortifying disclosure.

“You spray perfume on your ankles so that when you've got them over your partner's shoulders, they'll associate the perfume with you."

A faint flush floods the high planes of Bruce’s cheekbones, even as his smile turns gloating and distinctly carnivorous.

C Caught up in your own humiliation, you push past him, out of the dressing room, and quite miss the way his eyes trail down your legs to where the jut of your ankle bone is emphasised by your heels, and the considering smirk that his mouth pulls into as he follows you.

[iwanttoshareamorange]

Idk if I’ll ever write this but I love the fics where one of the robins is brought to the future to see the modern fam but often times they don’t get to meet the adult version of themselves so this is what I think that would look like for them.

Let’s put Damian at about 14 here so it’s a fresh from the league, maybe a few months into living with Dick as Batman. He is enraged to find his older self so soft. He wastes his time on pointless things like painting, animals, and video games. (No he is not jealous, he is disgusted by how happy and relaxed he looks in the future, of course)

I imagine Tim’s mini popping up when he’s around his team. Cassie, Bart and Kon can’t stop gushing about how cute the baby Robin is. Red Robin Tim is trying to talk baby Tim out of a panic, because where is Batman? Why isn’t he with him? Who are these teenagers who keep trying to hug him and make comments about his bowl cut? (He can’t believe how self assured his older self is, or how comfortable he is with receiving attention. Or how obviously loved he becomes)

Steph’s Robin sees the spoiler costume and asks if they’re back to working on their own again. Steph smiles sadly and makes the kid a plate of waffles and tells her that she doesn’t need to be one of Bruce’s adoptees to be one of his kids. (She is a part of the family. Tiny Robin Steph is amazed by the confidence she injects into the words. They don’t sound like a mask anymore)

Jason Todd’s Robin finds himself in a dark living room at night. It’s clean and decorated. A little girl walks through holding a cup of water, she can’t be too much younger than he is. Lian sees him and calls for her dad(s- she hasn’t called Jason her dad yet but she considers him her other parent). Once both Jason’s figure out who the other is, both have very different internal monologues. Bitty jay is shocked by how domestic he gets to live, he gets to have a loving family and a home with a big bookcase, warm blankets and a full kitchen. (Older Jason is suddenly terrified because he does not remember being that tiny when he was that age. Lian is a couple years younger and they’re the same size.)

Dick Grayson sees his older self and thinks he went back in time. Why? Because that man looks like his Tati who is dead. It’s a heartbreaking realization for Dick who, despite having pictures of his parents, had no idea he looked so much like John Grayson. (It’s a difficult conversation, to explain to a child who just wants to see their dad one more time that you aren’t him)

[trexiejan]

Friendly reminder that DC and Dickbabs writers are gaslighting you into thinking Dickbabs are childhood sweethearts that are always in love with each other since day 1.

Dickbabs is the most superficial manufactured by retcons ship.

Babs was deaged for this crap to work.

Here is Original Barbara Gordon working as a congresswoman in the Senate when Dick was just the little kid Robin.

She was much closer to Bruce and Clark's age than Dick's.

Barbara refers to Dick as a "kid" and "little brother.

Dick had a small puppy crush on her but it was seen as a precocious crush. It was controversial when they first kiss (to make Dick shut up) because it involved a grown ass woman kissing a teenager.

Dickbabs was hated the same way modern Brucebabs is hated today.

Even the writer of that book admitted he never intended for them to become a couple.

Babs was more into older guys.

- she was viewed as an equal love interest to Batman

- she went out on a date with Superman

- then got engaged to her coworker Jason Bard.

Dickbabs shippers always try to deny that Babs was deaged and her history was altered for dickbabs in an effort to defend their ship.

They say it's not true because according to them Babs has been deaged before dickbabs became a couple.

Here's the thing though:

Babs has been deaged twice.

Just because she wasn't deaged to be with Dick in her 1st deaging doesn't change the fact that she was deaged to be the same age as him in her 2nd deaging which happened in dickbabs content.

The 1st time she was deaged was in Crisis on Infinite Earths, it was so Jim could be younger but they only decreased her age slightly because she's still written as older than Dick, here is a panel from Secret Origins #20 that was published in 1986 exactly 1 year after she was first deaged in Crisis on infinite earths (1985) she said Dick is too young for her and that batman is always the one on her mind. So Dickbabs during this time still couldn't work because they still have that age gap and Babs was still into Bruce.

The 2nd time she was deaged is in dickbabs comics and tv shows where she was finally made the same age as Dick so dickbabs can finally work as romantic pairing.

Instead of being older she's now written as a part of Dick's generation.

From a congresswoman to someone who went to highschool prom with Dick.

Even Tom Taylor had the two first met when they were young little kids so he can also portray them as childhood sweethearts in his run.

Tom Taylor claims Barbara still has a law degree but isn't it sad how instead of using that degree to find an actual job, she wasted her time following Dick around like a dog in Bludhaven ?

She has no job of her own, no friends of her own, no hobbies of her own outside of Dick.

She's just Dick's clingy lovesick girlfriend who is a total standby for him in his solo books.

Dickbabs shippers who deny this and get mad at people who point this out are the people who don't care about Barbara Gordon as an individual.

They don't care that Barbara lost her PHD degree, lost her own career, lost her own agency, lost her history, lost her self identity for the sake of shipping.

Their only concern is defending dickbabs and making it look better.

Because if they like Barbara separately from Dick, all these valid anti-dickbabs criticisms wouldn't bother them.

What's even funnier is that they are the very same people who accuse Starfire of being nothing but just Dick's love interest despite the fact that Starfire hasn't been in a relationship with Dick in the comics for 20+ years due to the fact that dickkory's history was ignored and erased in favor of dickbabs. NASTY HYPOCRITES.

At least Starfire wasn't deaged to fit Dick and you can never see Starfire following Dick around like a dog in his solo books 💀

[umbrellacam]

Saw a post where someone wasn't sure if Tim being good at computers was a fanon thing or not and friend I am happy to inform you that he's been a computer/tech guy from some of his earliest appearances in the comics.

Detective Comics (Vol. 1) #620 (Rite of Passage part 4) - immersed in the ~web~

Robin II: The Joker's Wild #3 - tabletop roleplaying games and spending hours in the basement on the computer - not beating the geek allegations on these fronts, Timmy

Detective Comics (Vol. 1) #676 - Dick was more into traditional detective work and tended to outsource the computer stuff in these days

Batman (Vol. 1) #514 (Prodigal part 10) - hackin' through all the garbage and garble

Robin (1993) #33 - Robin sneaking in and connecting Oracle with the baddies' mainframe so she can do her thing and steal all their data >:)

Nightwing (1996) #6 - "no you're really talented and well suited to be Robin." "no, you." "no, YOU!"

Tim is definitely not as good as Babs/Oracle, but he's certainly her back-up for computer work in the 90's batfam. They're tech buddies and Robin!Tim is her little assistant sometimes, it's super cute:

Birds of Prey (1999) #19 - happy to play with big sister's fancy high-powered toys

Legends of the Dark Knight (1989) #125 - real cute kid

And Dick will hand off computer jobs to his little brother when he doesn't want to bother Babs 😂 (that outsourcing I mentioned):

Nightwing (1996) #68 - examine them pixel by pixel, eh? welp, sounds like a job only you can do, Timbo, you got this buddy, byyyyeeeee

And then when he'd grown up and been doing this for years, he leveled up accordingly, and did stuff like use his access to the League of Assassins computers to overload the generators in every base he could find, etc. etc.

Red Robin (2009) #8 - yeah that was pretty dumb of you Ra's :)

So yeah, it was a bit of a specialty of Tim's, in large part because he was introduced just at the turn into the 90's, when personal computers were really starting to take off and become widespread. (Robins gotta be cutting edge and all)

Of course, by no means does it follow that the other Bats suck at computers (there is no 'smart one' they are all incredibly smart and capable). This is especially true as reboots and the sliding timescale of comics have moved the DC characters into modern times, where computers run the world and everyone grows up with one in their pocket. The baseline familiarity and expertise that everyone can be expected to have is just much, much higher these days.

It gets exaggerated in fanon as all character traits do, but computer guy Tim is definitely not something just made up out of whole cloth :)b

[bigfan-fanfic]

Bats in the Web (Spider-Man!Batdad x Batfam)

What if batfam meets a version of Batdad who is Spider-Man in his universe??

"We can't interfere!" Bruce growls. "I know you want to help, but after the last world we jumped into, we can't take chances."

Dick sighs. The last world they went into, they nearly ruined everything because Gotham had no Batman yet.

But luckily, something descends upon the mugging in progress.

But it isn't Batman.

A strange silver cable zips into view and slams into the assailant's back, spreading in a strange geometric pattern. He stumbles forward at the force of the blow, before the cable springs taut, and the mugger is flung into the air.

Someone lithe and graceful sails through the air, trailing more silver cables and quickly wraps the stranger up in them, robotic arms emerging from their back to assist - almost like a four-armed... spider.

The mugger dangles upside down from a traffic light, completely mummified in silver, and the figure, in a black bodysuit with light-catching silver filaments in a web pattern shining along the whole thing, and what appears to be a yellow hood and short jacket, crouches atop it.

"You get home safe, you hear?" they call. "We'll just be... hangin' around."

The would-be victim grins up at them. "Thanks, Spidey!"

But the Bats are looking shocked.

Because that was clearly your voice, only slightly altered by a voice changer - the voice you use when you broadcast to negotiate with people while they're on patrol.

Before they can speak, though, you've flung yourself through the air, opening your arms to reveal the gliding wings attached from your sides to the arms of your jacket so you can sail through the air.

"Pops is... Spider-Man?" Dick yelps.

From what they can surmise, in this universe, Bruce still lost his parents at a young age, but he didn't develop the desire to become Batman.

Instead, while on a field trip, you were exposed to some kind of radioactive spider, and Bruce did what he could to keep your secret and develop his technological aptitude to help you.

It was Alfred's death that convinced you to become a hero - his last words to you being that with great power came great responsibility.

You and Bruce are still very young in this world, barely old enough to have adopted a young Dick Grayson. It's probable that Damian won't be born, and Tim won't be adopted by you.

You're so much more cheerful than Batman - Gotham's Spider-Man quips, sometimes with dark humor, and inspires her citizens to fight back against the oppressive darkness of their city with good humor and clever tactics.

The Bats make their way to Wayne Manor, only to find the harsh brickwork and traditional architecture has made way for modern-quality of life improvements, fiber optic light fixtures, glass bay windows, and high tech at every turn. It barely resembles their Wayne Manor.

In fact, the caverns beneath the estate aren't even utilized, with there instead being a high-tech laboratory on the grounds with a launchpad to fling you over the bay and into the city.

It's a shock to see them - Bruce Wayne, his body in shape but much softer: he obviously works out hard but he's clearly not a fighter. His movements are relaxed, even sluggish compared to the constant vigilance of the Bat. And he wears an unfamiliar expression on his face - a genuine lazy grin.

Meanwhile there's this world's you - lithe and strong, battle-worn and with the at-rest tension of a vigilante.

Alt-Bruce and you have an easy banter, a love very much like two young people - you're only a little older than Dick, after all, which he finds weird - especially when he and Tim babysit his younger version.

Jason is utterly touched when Alt-Bruce asks about all the kids, so he can make sure to adopt them - he wouldn't want them going homeless in this world. All Jason knows is that young Jason Todd in this world might just be saved from years of trauma.

You're still the strategist, but Bruce is your mission control and the gear/science guy - he helps with upgrades and is the one to suggest a way to get the Bats back to their world.

But you'll need their help.

You fly through the city that night accompanied by five gliding shadows. Shadows that brutally subdue the henchmen of Black Mask as you soar above their heads, connecting some power towers with a filament web, forming a major circuit Alt-Bruce can use to power a tachyonic collider, which should launch them back into their world.

They return to their world, but Jason pulls Bruce aside.

"B... you owe him."

"Owe him what? Who, Jaybird?"

Jason sighs. "Pops. You owe him a chance to see that smile. On you."

Bruce looks at him. "You think my face can still do that?"

"Hey, I was surprised that you were actually funny! But... yeah, I do."

"Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right..."

[maxwellatoms]

Hello Mr. Atoms, I'm an animation student in college and fan of your work. I got this assignment in which I need to ask questions to a professional in the area. Could you pretty please answer them? It'd mean a lot to me.

1- Are you happy with your career? How it's going.

2- What are your opinions, expectations and hopes about the independent animation industry that's developing?

3- What do you think about the advent of artificial intelligence? Do you fear for the future of animators?

4- If money wasn't a problem, would you still do what you do?

5- Any animators you admire and would like to mention?

Okey dokey.

1- Are you happy with your career? How it's going.

Not really, in that there seems to be no career left.

The animation industry swelled its numbers greatly before 2020. Almost immediately after that, corporate greed synergized with a pandemic to reduce animated programs and the number of people working on them to almost zero. It takes almost a year from beginning to end to make a single episode of an animated show (by the modern standard). There was nothing being made in 2020 and four years later, we''re not in a much better spot. It's going to be a long drought for (especially) Kid's TV Animation.

Recently, many of my former co-workers have hit the financial wall and can't continue, moving away after (sometimes) 20 years in the industry. I begin to wonder if I'm very far behind.

A "bounce back" a year from now would need to start today. There are still some animated shows being made now, but those are almost universally "library" properties. That means it's an existing I.P. (Intellectual Properties like Garfield/Mario/Batman/Star Wars) so as an artist you're immediately in that box. Depending on the property and the studio, it can be an unpleasantly tight box. I grew used to holding and maintaining the vision for a show, but it's less fun when it's not my vision. It's even less fun when you can't inspire someone to follow your vision because they've been so ruthlessly abused.

I'm pretty sick of how big media corporations treat their employees. If I inherit one more burnt out crew due to mismanagement, I'm gonna lose it.

Over a decade ago I fought hard to get board artists story credit for the episodes they were actually writing, and felt like I'd won a big victory for everyone. The second my back was turned, it all reverted.

Mostly... what is the point now? My career is/was developing ideas, crafting those ideas into a workable show, then managing teams of thirty to seventy people to produce a couple of dozen episodes per year. Studios actively do not want new ideas right now, and are actively searching for ways to eliminate what artists from the process. I'm not sure what my job would be under this new system, but it feels like they decided to hang onto the anxiety-inducing deadlines while removing anything remotely pleasurable from the experience.

2- What are your opinions, expectations and hopes about the independent animation industry that's developing?

It's the only way to get anything done, currently.

The current state of the industry is not sustainable. I (along with a lot of other animators I know) are trying to decide what's next, and pretty much everyone agrees that "you just have to make something".

It is (in that very specific way) a great time to be a young animator. The system was never going to treat you well anyway. If you can get something like a Hazbin Hotel happening without studio help, you can currently write your own ticket. I'm super proud of Vivsie, because that's a LOT of stuff to handle. I never had to handle my own marketing or drum up money to make Billy & Mandy happen.

There are opportunities there, but it's definitely "Hard Mode". The best idea is probably to team up with a few other people you like and like to work with.

Hopes? I hope that the young animators take over and make something new on top of the bones of the old industry, rather than just allowing that industry to patch its rotting hide with their collected works.

3- What do you think about the advent of artificial intelligence? Do you fear for the future of animators?

I suspect true AI might just peace-out like ScarJo in "Her", but we're not there yet. What we have now isn't Artificial Intelligence at all (though I do believe it may be the underpinnings of the Artificial Suconscious of what may one day become an actual Artificial Intelligence.)

The LLMs and "Generative AI" are (so far) a big dumb waste. They consume tons of energy and aren't great for doing anything creative. If you've sat down with Chat GPT for a creative writing session, you've probably run into the "out of the box" limitations which prevent it from talking about sex or violence-- which happen to be a major component of most stories.

Still, the technology has come incredibly far in an incredibly short amount of time. I imagine we're going to hit the point where we're being hazed by artificially generated political ads way before Generative AI can produce a consistent and usable character turnaround, so that'll be the test. Whatever the legal fallout is from this stuff over the next few years will set the tone.

Still, studios have a vested interest in pleasing their shareholders. Generative AI potentially has the capability of not only replacing swaths of money-eating artists, but handing that control directly to the billionaire studio heads. Mark my words: We're headed straight for billionaire-generated content.

I don't think the public at large will want to watch Elon Musk's fever dreams, so there's that. So law and general distaste might stave it off for a while, but I think there's just too much impetus for studios to continue to try to please their investors. "AI Art" is here to stay.

Eventually that will lead to millions and millions of bots generating millions and millions of songs and paintings and movies all day every day. Most of it will be utter trash. Right now (so I'm told) viewers are already burnt out, and will generally only click on what they already know. On Netflix, where there are twenty things you've never heard of and one you have, you're more likely to pick the thing that gives you comfort and gives you a guarantee you're not wasting your time. With exponentially more A.I. trash, how would you even begin to filter it out?

You'd need absolute control of an already existing distribution system. We currently have a few of those, and all of the media companies are desperately trying to merge with them to insure their own survival.

To me, the post-Gen-AI landscape looks a lot like old-school Cable, but with endless I.P. and fewer masters.

4- If money wasn't a problem, would you still do what you do?

The real question is, maybe, "What am I even doing?" These days I try to do a lot of gardening. I'm trying to learn new art skills, because suddenly twenty five years of experience managing, drawing, and writing isn't worth much. I recently worked on Jellystone until Zaslav lost 2.5 billion in the wash and had to find justification for his new yacht. The show before that? Also culled midway through to save money. The days of multi-year gigs seem to be over, and if I'm going to scrape by doing freelance, maybe I can do that somewhere else.

I'll always make art. I can't seem to help it. Ideas aren't my problem-- it's executing those ideas without the help of a structured pre-existing system. I honestly don't know if I'll ever be able to pull that off. My strengths are great, but were always supported by friends I worked with.

Can I start an indie cartoon with all of these cool friends? Sure, maybe. Most of those people have gone on to have other careers of their own and got used to being paid. Now nobody is getting paid and no one can pay anyone else. My immediate circle are all now middle-aged people with families and no jobs. Convincing them to give up a large chunk of their day for an idea that's not guaranteed to pay off is going to take some real effort.

I technically have fifteen years until I can claim my "retirement", assuming that still exists by then. That's a pretty big hole to fill with... I don't know what.

The difficult "What comes next" discussions at home are really just starting.

5- Any animators you admire and would like to mention?

There are a lot of cool animation people out there. I already mentioned I was proud of Vivsie. I was also reminded recently just how great C.H. Greenblatt and Mr. Warburton are. I know they're my friends. They're both just really upstanding, creative people who take good care of their crews.

The treatment of animation industry professionals by the studio system has been one of the most demoralizing and heartbreaking parts of this demoralizing and heartbreaking time.

---

So there ya go. If you want to look for someone whose attitude is a little more upbeat, I won't blame you a bit.

Wherever you are, I wish you the best of luck. For me, just climb up there and crush it. I would very much like to add you to #5 someday.

[i-need-of-a-hobby]

modern/alive boy detectives au headcanons:

-for the purposes of my headcanoning the boys met in high school, didnt die this time, and post graduation are sharing a flat

-its still slowburn ofc claiming theyre "100% platonic" despite sharing a flat for two years and sharing a bed most nights for cuddling purposes

-how did the "platonic" cuddling start you ask?

-charles has chronic nightmares and edwin has a caffeine problem so they both end up awake at the most unholy hours of the night and charles decided the best use of these times is catching edwin up on pop culture

-because even in a modern setting, he had a supper sheltered childhood

-the first middle of the night movie they watch is legally blonde, which edwin got more invested in than he'll ever willingly admit

-they're watching in charles' bed naturally bc he's got a tv in his room, and charles falls asleep halfway through the movie every. single. time. because he feels safer when he's (super platonically) curled into edwins chest

-these fucking idiots

-charles also has this really beat up SUV he loves more than anything

-its literally the ugliest car youve ever seen but he got it used right after moving out for next to nothing, fixed it up himself, and now calls it daisy

-edwin hates the whole personifying cars thing but charles will only acknowledge the car if it's referred to as daisy ("stop calling daisy it, it hurts her feelings!" "charles it's a CAR" "SHE'S a car")

-edwin is also a passenger princess

-charles didnt really know what he wanted post high school other than to get out of his parents house asap so he takes a gap year and moves in with edwin

-it takes him a bit over a year (and just so much therapy) but he eventually decides to go to school part time majoring in psychology

-in his year off he worked a bunch of odd jobs but his favorite was at a comic book store in the local mall because he got free pins for his jacket AND could use their database to track down out of print batman comics for edwin

-edwin does go to college directly after graduation high school, majoring in forensic science

-he refuses to let anyone know but he also volunteers at a local animal shelter

-but he keeps it so on the downlow charles only found out when he brought an elderly cat home but even then he didnt outright say anything

-charles: edwin... what is that

-edwin: that is georgie

-charles: ok, cool cool cool, why is he here

-edwin: he only has three legs, he needs us