#because stores still function and you still have to spend money to buy things there. in that dystopia. which is not the case in these other

[lenjaminmacbuttons]

does anyone know where i might find a post about how post-apocalyptic scavenging stories, specifically noting the last of us and the walking dead, are fundamentally reflective of a fear of homelessness. i know i saw one when the tlou series was first releasing but i cannot for the life of me think of where to find it

[drvscarlett]

About You Pt 12

Sebastian Vettel x Webber!Reader

Summary: Everyone knows about the history of Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber. But there's a well kept story within the paddock about Sebastian Vettel and another Webber. This is that story.

About You Series

A/N: and its here everyone. Any thoughts about this?

Taglist: @spideybv28@randomcuboidshape @mehrmonga @casperlikej @cliosunshine @honethatty12 @randomgirlnumber-13 @sugyomama @ririyulife @skywalker1dream @vicurious28 @khaylin27 @0710khj @its-elias-world @vizzzashley @allisonwoods @taytaylala12 @miarabanana @ceciii-b @lindsayjoy444 @mploopssek @snakelore @toldyouitwasamelodrama @lordpercevalcharles

2013, Circuit de Monaco

"Happy Birthday sister!"Mark greeted on the other line "Am I the last one to greet you?"

Despite the afternoon horizons outside the window of Y/N, she was still in her bed. Usually she doesn't like waking up with calls but Mark's greeting was something that she can tolerate today.

"You are the first, I just woke up"Y/N replied.

"Woke up? Are you back in London?"Mark's confusion was evident.

"I'm actually here in Monaco"Y/N clarified "I had a late flight so I was a bit tired so I woke up here at around.. oh its 4 in the afternoon"

In hindsight, she should have set an alarm so she didn't miss out a huge chunk of hours sleeping. However, she was exhausted from packing and taking care of things before she left Spain. She wanted a complete break for her birthday that's why she overworked herself to ensure everything can function without her.

"How long are you staying there?"Mark wondered.

"Till the Monaco GP so I have 2 weeks to enjoy Monaco's waters"

"You have a good one there sis"

"Thanks Mark"

"Happy Birthday again, I wish you all the best" Mark added "And if you want to buy anything, just tell me and I'll pay for it"

"Mark, you didn't have to do that"

There was a sigh on the other line. Mark knows how much Y/N values to work for the money that she spends that's why she doesn't like spending money that she didn't own.

"Just let me be Y/N, I missed a huge part of your life because I was immature"Mark explains "Just let me do this for you, okay?"

The whole brother-sister relationship is still mending. It was already one of the best gifts that Y/N could have asked. These moments are just some instances that they tried to make up with each other.

"Okay, I won't buy anything expensive though"Y/N compromises.

"That's tough in Monaco"

It earned a shared laughter between the two. It was obviously common knowledge that Monaco's cost of living and the items displayed on the store could cost a month's worth of fortune.

"You take care okay? I'll call you later when I still have time"Mark said

"Thanks big bro"

When Y/N ended the call, there were several messages from different people. She felt inclined to thank them for their greetings and for remembering her birthday so she spent the next few minutes texting them back.

She already had a voicemail from Mick, a painfully long message from Jenson, even some Team Principals sent a message to her. Their greetings made her feel so loved.

However, there is this void feeling upon realizing that there is someone missing.

Y/N: Hey goodmorning! Are you okay? I'm leaving tonight for Monaco maybe we could grab some lunch later? Away from the media and everything. Miss you a lot x Y/N: Heyyyy so I heard from Britta you had a night out so maybe you are suffering a hangover. Let's just resched lunch? Y/N: Btw I gave her some hangover medicines that Jenson claims to be magic when he is hung over. I hope everything is alright xx

The messages from yesterday remains unread by Sebastian. It was a bit disappointing that she wasn't able to talk to Sebastian at all during the Spanish GP. She knew how it must have been difficult weekend for him.

I'm sure he will call, Y/N assures herself.

The grumbling in her stomach caused her to remember that she hasn't eaten yet. Y/N opened her luggages and decided to get dressed to get her first meal of the day.

There was a perfect cafe spot that was just right the corner of her hotel. It also has a perfect view of the yachts parked in Monaco, Y/N couldn't think of another perfect place to eat.

She was enjoying herself when all of a sudden someone called out her name.

"Y/N?" for a moment, Y/N wanted to think that it was Sebastian calling her.

But she knew that this voice was a little bit too different to be Sebastian. Sebastian has a certain kind of accent that pronounces her name in a certain tone regardless of his emotions.

"Jules?"she recognized the driver.

It was not often that she have interacted with Jules a lot but he was a friendly face in the paddock. He has always been a gentleman to women and he is one of those drivers that isn't a PR nightmare.

Jules made a beeline to Y/N, he was followed by a younger boy with a mop of brown hair.

"I thought it was you"Jules smiles "And I was right. What are you doing in Monaco?"

"Oh, I'm celebrating my birthday today"Y/N replied

"Wow, I didn't know that. Happy Birthday then Y/N" Jules greeted.

"Thanks, how about you why are you in Monaco? It's a bit too early for the GP"Y/N joked.

"Oh I'm here with my godson"Jules gestured to the young boy "Y/N meet Charles, Charles meet Y/N. Y/N here is from McLaren and is the one in charge of Jenson"

Y/N handed out her hand and Charles shyly picked it up to shake it.

"I'm Charles Leclerc, its nice to meet you Miss Y/N" he greeted back.

The boy had a certain smile that if Y/N was not informed earlier then she would have mistaken him as his younger brother. She could tell that if Charles gets a little bit older then he might looks strikingly similar to Jules.

"That's a very polite boy, you two look very much alike"Y/N noticed.

"Yeah-"

Jules phone starts ringing and he seems troubled to see the caller ID.

"Is it alright if you could look after Charles for a while"Jules asked "I have this really important call and it might take a while"

"Yeah sure!"Y/N agrees.

"Thanks, you are an angel! Be good Charles, I'll try to make this quick"

Jules stepped out of a cafe and began speaking to the one of the phone. Charles and Y/N were left at the cafe, the boy looks a bit lost in Y/N's opinion.

"You can sit there and you can tell me about yourself"Y/N offered.

He nods and he immediately took the chair next to her.

"Would you like something to drink or something to eat?"Y/N asked.

"I can't eat much, I have to be lightweight to be able to drive faster"Charles responded.

"You race too?"

"I kart around here and there, Jules has been teaching me a lot"Charles confirmed.

Y/N takes a sip of her hot chocolate as she smiles. When they started talking about racing, Charles certainly changed his attitude. Aspirers like Charles are quite exciting to watch because she knows that with their determination then she might end up seeing him in the grid in a couple of years.

"My brother drives too, his name is Mark"Y/N shares.

Charles' eyes widen in recognition. He went closer to Y/N with an excited smile.

"Mark as in Mark Webber? The teammate of current world champion Sebastian Vettel"Charles enumerates excitedly.

"You know your Grand Prix winners"Y/N notes.

"I think I know more about them than school"

This made Y/N laugh. It was not uncommon that F1 drivers drop out early of school so they could race. For this reason, they don't seem to have a life outside of the sports. Sebastian is a good example of how the man has been a walking encyclopedia of Formula 1. You could ask him the Grand Prix winner of 1978 and he could tell you it was Andretti without missing a beat. But ask him about the current president of America and he won't give you any answers.

"Sebastian is one of my idols, I wish he is still there when I drive in F1"Charles wishful thinking.

The thought of Sebastian crosses her mind again, her smile obviously falters upon checking her phone for the umpteenth time today.

"You seem to be sad today" Charles noticed "Shouldn't you be happy that its your birthday?"

She forces a smile.

"Its nothing, I'm just waiting for someone's birthday greeting"Y/N brushes it off.

"Is it your bestfriend?"Charles pressed "If my bestfriend forgot my birthday then I would be very upset as well"

Bestfriends? Soon lovers? The relationship is a bit complicated but either way Y/N understands Charles statement that its indeed upsetting when a special someone forgets. However, due to Y/N's closeness with Sebastian she is willing to make up excuses for his forgetfulness.

"He must have been busy, work hasn't been quite easy for him lately"Y/N reasons out.

As if on cue, Charles rolled his eyes. Gone was the shy boy from a while ago as he leaned closer to the table.

"You shouldn't make work as an excuse"Charles rebutted "Jules said that even if you have a bad race or a bad day, you should never take that out to the people important to you"

It was a good advice that Jules has given Charles. Y/N was sure that one day, Charles will be able to give himself a perfect work-life balance in the future.

"Believe me Charles, he is not usually like that"Y/N defends again "Maybe he is just caught up in some stuffs"

"Suit yourself but just remember that if he wanted to then he definitely would"

The words lingered in Y/N's mind even after Jules picked up Charles and the two said goodbye. It was something that kept repeating in her mind as she mindlessly walked the streets of Monaco and watched the skyline go dark.

Sebastian must have a reason for forgetting her birthday, didn't he?

2013, Circuit Gilles-Villeneuve

As a driver, they should not stay up late the night before the race. They must have a clear head so that they can focus on the task ahead. Any sort of pressure or stress may be detrimental to their performance.

Lately, Sebastian has been feeling all sorts of pressure. A lot has happened lately.

"You look like you had a lot of things going on"Jenson walks next to him.

"Aren't you supposed to avoid me at all cost?"Sebastian questioned.

"I mean we're not going to get caught if you don't tell anyone"Jenson grins "So what's on your mind?"

The heavy sigh that Sebastian has been keeping in finally gets out in the open. He doesn't even know where to begin with his story. Should he be completely honest or is this something that he has to sugarcoat to lessen the blow?

"A lot of things"Sebastian stated.

Jenson opened his arms wide and gestured that he is a person that Sebastian could confide him.

"Come on Sebastian, I'd like to think we're friends. Come on, lay it out on me"Jenson encourages.

The thing that Jenson doesn't understand is that Sebastian is wary of the information he gives out to him. He still doesn't know how to deal with Y/N and Jenson may say the wrong thing and it falls all over from Sebastian.

"I made several mistakes" that was one way of putting it lightly.

"Mistakes can be fixed"

"But I fear this mistake can't be fixed"Sebastian argued "No sorrys can fix this thing"

"Hey if this is about you missing out on Y/N's birthday then don't worry. I'm sure you could say that you have been preoccupied and she would understand that. You know she doesn't even make a big of a deal that we miss out her birthday-"Jenson was explaining.

Then it hits Sebastian. It was June.

"Oh fuck"

If Sebastian could just hit himself all over the wall then he would have done it all night long. He can't believe that he forgot about her birthday. He did not just forgot the birth date but even the birth month. He felt extremely stupid.

"You mean to tell me that forgetting her birthday is not the mistake were talking about?"Jenson pieced out the puzzle.

"Fuck, I am so fucking stupid"Sebastian lamented.

"What else did you do then?"Jenson inquired.

"Just something stupid"

Sebastian is at a lost of words before on how to explain his situation but with this new dilemma then its even more stressful. How can he tell her that he was so drunk that he slept with someone else that night in Spain. He couldn't tell the worst part that it was with someone that the both of them know. That the whole reason why he was occupied and forgot her birthday because he was trying to keep the situation quiet.

The comforting pat on the back from Jenson brought Sebastian out of his thoughts.

"You just got to be honest with her, I'm sure Y/N will understand"Jenson assures.

There was a voice in Sebastian's head that is telling him that this was something that any woman cannot understand.

"Y/N loves you a lot. You have to trust that her love is strong to understand you"Jenson stated.

Sebastian could just give a weak smile. The guilty feeling is eating him up more than ever. What did he ever do to deserve her love?

"Tell you what, I'll make some arrangements in the next Grand Prix. I'll make sure to keep McLaren occupied and you two could go spend time with each other"Jenson added.

"You would do that?"

"Of course, anything for Y/N"Jenson replied "Just don't make her cry, I hate seeing her cry"

Too overwhelmed by emotions and planning what to do next week, Sebastian failed to notice the smile that Jenson had on his face. If he paid attention then he would notice that Jenson was also as troubled with thoughts for a certain girl.

With a heavy sigh, Jenson keeps his true feelings at bay.

2013, Silverstone Circuit

It was already midnight when she arrived at her flat. Y/N was a bit tired and she was so glad that the race was happening in Silverstone so she has a few days in the comforts of her home. She was ready to hit the bed when she heard noises coming inside her apartment.

'Did I forget to lock the doors when I left?' she wondered in her head.

She quickly armed herself up by putting up her bag in a defensive manner and her phone hovering to the emergency number.

"Mein Gott! Why is this so difficult to do?"the voice from inside the apartment shouted.

She knows that voice a little too well. But Y/N couldn't believe that he would be here waiting for her.

"Sebastian? What are you-"

Seeing Sebastian Vettel in the kitchen with an apron was the least shocking thing that Y/N saw in her flat. The living room decorated by some balloons and a bouquet of flowers was placed there. Sebastian was tending over a cake that seems to be in the process of being coated with icing. The table was filled with some food that seems to be homemade.

"Hey, I know I have been a jerk recently but I'm here to apologize"Sebastian explains "Jenson stole your duplicate key and I prepared these little welcome dinner and I hope to get back to your good graces"

Something so domestic about the whole thing that Y/N's weeks of sadness immediately disappeared into thin air. She went to give him the biggest hug and she felt like the pieces are being glued back together.

"I missed you so much"she admitted.

"Its been a while"

"I really missed you"she confirms again "Please don't leave me like that again"

The way that Sebastian gazed at her and gave her a gentle forehead kiss seems to be a promise that he won't go away again.

There were a lot of questions that remained unanswered but Y/N is too distracted to ruin the whole thing by asking those. She is just happy to have him back and she wants to savor every moment with him.

2013, Nürburgring

"She seems to fit right in the family" Norbert told his son "Any progress?"

Sebastian was in a lovestruck smile as he gazed his attention to the garden where his mother and Y/N were conversing together. It wasn't the first time that his parents met Y/N but this was the first time that he brought her to his childhood home.

"I'm working on things"Sebastian replied.

"She is a wonderful girl. You treasure her and you don't make her cry alright?"Norbert reminded.

"Papa, its like you are handing me out for marriage already"Sebastian snickered.

"Isn't that the main point of dating? To get married eventually"

The word marriage seems to be foreign in the conversation between the couple. They both know and understand that they have to settle the score between their respective jobs to ensure that there is no conflict. Then the team mate thing has to be resolved as well. On top of that, they both have careers and dreams that they want to achieve.

But making Y/N a Vettel is something in the plans.

"You seem to be talking about us"Mrs Vettel called their attention out and Y/N's turned her head.

"Anything you want to share Seb?"Y/N wondered.

Sebastian just went forward to wrap an arm around Y/N. There was pure bliss in his eyes that everyone is getting along in the household. If he would make her a Vettel then she would be a happy addition to the family.

"What are you and Mama talking about?" Sebastian diverts the topic.

"Oh I'm just showing Y/N your childhood photos"Mrs Vettel gleefuly answered.

"Mama no"Sebastian groaned.

The albums from the past is filled with lots of photos of Sebastian that would be horrifying to show to the public. It includes his early track days, snotty seasons, and even some nerdy photos from school.

"You look adorable Seb"Y/N comforts "Look here Seb, this looks so cute. Is this you on your first day of school?"

The photo had a younger Sebastian holding hands with a blonde haired girl. They have their backpacks on and they seem to be giggling at the camera. Frankly, Sebastian have no memory of what they are talking about but they seem to have been caught conversing when the photo was taken

"Oh that's his first day of school with his friend Hanna"Mrs Vettel recognized.

"Hanna as in Hanna Prater?"Y/N inquired.

The mere mention of the name caused Sebastian's stomach to churn as if he swallowed a rock. The day have already been perfect but the name caused all of his worries to come back.

"You know Hanna?"the elder male Vettel asked.

"Yeah, I met her in some Grand Prix"Y/N answered "She was super sweet and she seems like a very supportive friend to Sebastian"

The way that Y/N talks about Hanna makes Sebastian feel more guilty about what transpired weeks ago. He couldn't have the heart to tell Y/N the truth about them. The first one in Brazil was an accident and could be something forgivable but what happened in Spain was something he was not sure of.

"Hey you seem pale? Are you alright?"Y/N voiced out her concern.

"I'm alright"

"You must be starving already, let's get you two some food"Mrs Vettel immediately got up from her seat.

"Mama you don't have to"Sebastian begs.

"Nonsense, you should get a plate or two before you go for the race weekend"Mrs Vettel argues.

It was useless to argue with his mother. Sebastian just raised his hands in surrender as his mother went off to the kitchen to prepare some meals for them to eat. She has also grabbed Mr Vettel and instructs him to set the table.

The couple was left alone and Y/N seems to be concerned with Sebastian.

"You can tell me anything that's bothering you" Y/N repeated

"I know"Sebastian sighs "But I'm not sure that I'm able to tell you this yet"

Her hands touched his face. It was a gentle caress meant to soothe Sebastian.

"I trust you, whenever you feel like talking then"Y/N smiles.

Those comforting words seems to be digging deeper wounds for Sebastian as the bile rises up in his throat. He wanted to tell her the truth of what happened but she is scared that in doing so that he might end up losing her.

He allows himself to be selfish for a little bit more time.

[heartfullofleeches]

dude abby is so fire can we get more hcs or a snippet i beg

It's been a hot minute since I've done HCs and they give me excuse to flesh out my characters so we'll do with that-

Abby [Rental Zombie Spouse HC]

Warnings: Dismemberment, Mentions of death

-

Abby doesn't remember much about himself before he died. Everything predating the night he woke up in the back alley behind a restaurant witu a hole in his head is a blur to him. All he had to his person was a wallet, his phone, and the keys to an apartment - none of which helped jog his memory as the man the ID inside the wallet couldn't possibly be him.

As recently established, Abby earns money by hosting services where he will be the customer's partner- There are a handful of male options, but he prefers to pose as females in his disguises because those usually pay more and he likes the dress up.

While Abby doesn't require human flesh as his only food source, he can eat chunks of it to repair rotting or damaged tissue. He can also swap out parts that are no longer useful with fresh ones which is a major factor to how successful his business is since changing a few features makes him a completely new person. He has a deep freezer in his apartment where he keeps his "accessories" until they expire.

When it comes to what he likes in a Darling not even Abby knows. He's very easily distracted by things and an encounter with him trying to cut out a part of you he likes can instantly switch to yout first date of many just by him seeing you like that peeks his interest as well.

"Hey, You! Cute eyes you got... Mind if I borrow them?.... Oh! What are you listening to?... I love this band! I think.... Maybe the old me did. Let's listening to more songs together and find out!"

Since you would probably like to keep all your limbs, Abby steals physical objects that belong to you to feel closer to you. He would insist on something like matching tattoos or piercings since if you can't share the same flesh - you can at least have the same branding. Do not leave any jewelry or clothing that may fit him unattended.

Any body part that was at one tethered to him will still be usable even if it's separate from him as long as it's functional. There's a reason he always knows what you're thinking- he's got eyes and ears everywhere. Please don't throw them out if you happen to find any. :(

You'll almost never meet him when he isn't "Abby". When he doesn't care about his appearance or how bad the state of his decay is and just slaps on a hoodie and a face mask to get around. It's how he keeps watch on you without use of his spare eyes and sorta feels like how some people without their makeup.

He/him, but doesn't care about whatever pronouns his clients use for him.

Spends his money on brand new items for you, but goes broke buying second hand goods from yard sales and thrift stores because he loves older furniture and giving things a new home... Will pawn his junk off on you when he has strength in your relationship that you won't leave or make fun of him for his odd purchases.

"Why do you mean "why did I buy twenty cassette players"?? If you use the one I bought you already are a diary, I wouldn't have to stalk you as frequently!"

[20dollarlolita]

Hi! I hope you don't mind the question, but I've been trying to buy a sewing machine and definitely want a used one with a full metal interior relevant parts???? (for longevity and budget reasons).

I'm a student living abroad in austria and therefore have no car and should limit the money I'm spending on appliances, so local used it is. Today I've found a singer 5810 (samba 70) that is -according to the seller- fully functional but no longer needed for a somewhat decent price. Now my question is, "is this even a good machine that will last me for a long time?" or should i keep looking and hoping for a better machine/offer?

Ps: big thanks for all you do for the community

Thank you!

So, I'm saying this as someone who loves old sewing machines, you have to be careful.

If you want to know what to be careful about, the answer is plastic parts, rubber parts, and belts. An old all-metal straight stitch machine is going to be as good today as it will be 30 years from now. You're going to be expected to keep up with maintenance like oiling it and cleaning it, but any damage that could happen to that thing is going to have happened 40 years ago. Once it hits the age it is now, it won't really change.

Plastic and rubber, however, want to betray you. Everyone who's accidentally left a rubber band in their car ashtray has had the experience of picking up rubber that decided to stop being "band" and start being "puddle of crunchy mushy bits." Rubber hits a point where, through no actual action, it turns into awful mush. Plastic is great for being inexpensive to produce and not requiring a lot of machining, as well as being slightly flexible and allowing parts to come together easier since they can be less precise. Plastic will also hit an age where it goes "yeah I'm not fun and lightweight and flexible anymore! I'm angry and hard and I'm going to crack and break up when you ask me to do anything at all!" Which, like, honestly, Plastic? Mood.

The problem with sewing machines of a certain age is that they are not yet at, but soon will be at, the point where either the rubber turns to mush or the plastic turns more fragile than glass. This means you can buy a machine in "good condition" that actually IS in good condition, and through no fault of your own it can transform overnight into a machine with critical parts broken and entirely unfixable.

So I recommend getting an old machine only if you can get the following things

Part one) knowing the machine is in perfect working order. Old machines do something known as cascading, which is where one small part breaks and so you pay to get it fixed, only for another part to break, and slowly by small part after small part breaking you end up spending the full cost of a new machine on your old machine, and still end up with an old machine full of parts that are about to break. This happens because every part in the machine is close to the same age, so if one thing's already broken, it might be the machine telling you it's time to say goodbye. So I won't buy an old machine that's, "great except for this one small fix," anymore. That could easily be a sign that this machine won't be long-lasting.

Part 2) I won't buy a machine that doesn't have every single accessory that I think I could need. Old machines usually don't have parts available, so if the machine doesn't have the zipper foot or the walking foot, I have to buy it being aware that I will likely never have a zipper foot or a walking foot. If you don't require a zipper foot or a walking foot or whatever, that's fine, but never buy an old machine and think, "Oh, I just need to buy this one thing," without checking if good versions of that thing actually currently exist for sale. As a bonus, if a machine is from 1972 and the seller knows where the original zipper foot is, there's a much better chance that it was stored safely and used by someone who cared if they broke it or not. This often means that intact accessory kits indicate machines that were stored better.

Part 3) I won't buy a machine that I know was stored poorly for a lot of years. I know what the climate in my area is. If your machine has just been sitting in a garage for 25 years, I know that all the rubber and plastic in that machine has lived the life that the melted rubber band in my car ashtray has lived. I can expect those parts to perform the same. There's a HUGE difference between "this was in my garage for 10 years" and "this was in the closet in my guest bedroom for 10 years." Machines are meant to run and it doesn't mean it'll run really great right out of the gate if you stored it in the guest bedroom closet, but it's so much better than anywhere not climate controlled. If you're ever in doubt, look to see if the machine has/had rubber feet on the bottom. If those are still in good shape, there's a chance that the internals are in good shape too.

Part 4) I won't buy a machine with too many bells and/or whistles. I do not DO the Singer Touch n Sews. The Singer "touchy, and doesn't sew,"'s. At their heyday, these fuckers were $700 in the 70's and had every single bell and all of the whistles as well. It is no longer the 1970's and most of those bells and 77% of the whistles are broken. These are parts where once it breaks, it's broken. You cannot break a bell that does not exist.

Part 5) I will not buy an old machine that I do not know, for sure, is a really good price. I'm talking like $40 and under. You want this to be a good enough price that if this breaks after 3 projects you didn't waste your money. If you're lucky, you'll get many more than three projects out of your machine. Spend your money like you don't think you'll be lucky. Sewing machines are annoying to keep around if you don't use them, and someone WILL be offering one at a very good price. Just keep looking.

Part 6) Without ignoring the bell/whistle situation, I will prioritize machines that were very high end or expensive when they were made. If your machine was a little straight stitch machine and your husband spent a month's wages on it, some of that quality is going to transfer over to the modern day. A really cheap machine is maybe not going to have been a very good machine even in its prime. A good example of quality sticking around is the old all-mechanical Berninas like the 710 Record, which generally still age quite well. You'll know that they're old because their cases get fragile like glass, but you can't have a cracked cam when the whole machine's metal.

Please don't let all of that make you feel that all old machines are bad! A good old machine is, in my opinion, worth so much more than a frameless Brother or a Singer Heavy Duty. I have three old machines that I use more often than my modern, higher priced computerized machine. A well-chosen old machine will definitely outlive your modern machine that just comes with a 90 day warranty. I just means you need to be judicious with what machines you select. Sorry for not directly answering your question about that machine. The answer is "it depends on the specific machine and also the price it's offered for."

.

If all of that seems too hard, the Baby Lock Zeal has a metal internal frame and I've seen well cared-for machines of that model that are 10+ years old. Most of the BeGenuine collection is really solid and I'm a pretty big fan of them. You get fewer stitch patterns for the same price as a comparable Brother or Singer, but that cost is put into making the internals better. The Janome HD series (at least the HD1000 and HD3000 in White (black is a totally different factory with different standards) are really good. We can't get the HD5000 at work for complicated reasons but it might have the same problems as the 3000 black. Generally, mechanical machines haven't changed too much since the 60's, so a well-made one is going to not be dated to the point where you can't sew modern projects. None of this guarantees that the machine will last 30 years, but I see people replacing these machines when they feel they've got skills such that the machine no longer supports their skills. This is in sharp contrast to what people replace their $300 Singer or Brother machines for, which they do because they break. Check your warranty and anything with 5-6 year warranty on the motor is probably a good bet. Avoid anything with a 90 day warranty and be hesitant if the full warranty is up after 1 year.

[kobold-that-bites-people]

you know, there's a certain alienation to being transfem, that really doesn't feel too dissimilar to that of having been severely depressed growing up. so much of what society would expect me to learn growing up is simply lost, either due to having not having found the terms to call myself trans yet, or from dysphoria interfering with function.

there's the obvious things lost to a childhood being treated as a boy. there's having to teach yourself how to take care of your hair, because as a guy the only advice you were given was "just brush it" and "guys never take care of it anyway" and "just cut it off already". there's needing to teach yourself how to do makeup, despite having neither family to teach you nor social spaces where it's accepted to just not be good at makeup yet. there's needing to completely learn from scratch how to dress yourself in a way that is at all appealing, when you spent your entire youth avoiding mirrors and desperately avoiding clothes shopping where you'd be pushed into ever more masculine garb. there's the countless relationships severed from coming out, both from people who weren't cool about it and from people who were just in the same spaces as people that gave you trouble.

but there's also the more subtle things. having to relearn how to like yourself at all, to learn how to like your body at all. having to learn to take care of yourself. when you've spent your entire life desperately hating every part of you, that has ongoing effects, even after you find out why. the idea of getting my hair cut still terrifies me, even when it's wholly on my own terms, because for my whole youth i was constantly threatened with it being shaved off. the idea of other people in the cramped room i can call my own still frightens me, because i spent my youth with my family threatening to come in and shave off my hair while i slept, and what if they found the few tiny things that gave me the smallest modicum of relief from the constant dysphoria? (in my case i had some women's clothing magazines i'd stolen from the mail, i used to spend so long fantasizing about what it must be like to fit into such clothes)

and even ignoring emotional effects, there's still the physical signs. almost all of which wouldn't be there had the option of being trans been clear when i was younger. even ignoring the small signs of having been forced onto testosterone for so many years, the body hair and the narrow hips and the beard shadow. i still have countless scars from grappling with living in that constant self-hatred. the marks across my arms and legs where the body hair grew in thickest, across my chest that felt so painfully wrong to me.

all these things combine to leave me constantly feeling like i'm playing catchup. i've been out as trans for about three and a half years now, and yet the role i'm trying to fill socially expects me to have been functioning as a girl for 5-6 times that. i'm here still getting caught off guard by period cramps every month and trying to wrap my head around the basics of makeup, meanwhile to function in open society i'm expected to either present as a guy (you might as well ask me to stab myself) or present as a woman, when i've barely even been a girl for a couple years.

and that's all ignoring the expense. so much of this can be simplified if only you have the money for it. it's so much easier to find clothes you can pass in when you aren't limited to thrift stores (where of course nothing fits because you're a full six inches taller than the average girl) it's so much easier to learn makeup when you can afford to buy any in the first place. it's so much easier to work on your voice, when you can afford to work with an actual voice therapist instead of just relying on tutorials online. it's so much easier to deal with beard shadow, when you can afford electrolysis to deal with it entirely instead of constantly struggling to hide it.

and all these things compound. it's hard to present as a confident functional "woman", when you're constantly second guessing how one thing or another could get you clocked as trans. and all of that is just the purely trans matters. if you've got other things complicating matters, they feed into each other.

i'm not really sure where i'm going with this, i just wanted to get it off my chest. i guess conclusion is... throw some money at a broke transfem, gods know we're working with a stacked deck. you can hit my venmo at @koboldthatbitesyou, but i'm sure there's even more broke transfems elsewhere. i at least have mostly stable housing and food atm, even if no income.

[yupuffin]

I'd like able-bodied cosplayers to understand that when I say I adapt costume designs to my disability by reducing complexity during construction (namely for Genshin Impact, my current hyperfixation, which is also notorious for needlessly detailed costumes), I'm not simply skipping details because I feel like it* or "cutting corners" because I'm lazy.

It's like that one time a few years ago when I was on the second-to-last day of a sea kayaking trip with a group of other students from my college. Stick with me for this metaphor.

It was a ten-day-long trip, so we'd only packed what we could all fit on our kayaks, including food. Since we were nine days in, we were getting to the end of our food supplies--though, with our return to populated areas, we were able to make a grocery stop for ingredients for our final dinner of the trip, which would be a vegetable stir-fry.

We had $20 in the budget to buy ingredients for a meal to feed over a dozen people.

VOCALOID is one of my special interests, so the first words out of my mouth, without much consideration behind them, were "green onions."

In response, one of the guides wondered aloud, "Do green onions really add anything to a stir-fry?"

Don't get me wrong, I'll add green onions to any stir-fry given the opportunity; they do add that vaguely spicy-sweet kick that complements other flavors really well. So it's not like they don't add anything.

However, given our limited budget, in contrast to the size of the meal we had to make, it didn't make sense to spend a significant portion of our money on an ingredient that would function primarily as a garnish--something that serves mostly to enhance flavor; IIRC we ended up buying things like carrots and green peppers, which would instead add the substance we needed to make enough food for everyone.

With a disability that affects my motor control, constructing cosplays above a certain level of detail/complexity is like putting together a large meal on budget constraints--because I can only spend so long on a costume before I get burnt out, and every piece of fine detailing I add takes increasingly more time, just as every ingredient you add to a stir-fry takes increasingly more money.

So when I'm planning construction for a cosplay, it's like looking in the produce aisle of a grocery store and deciding what to spend $20 on. Metaphorically speaking, I'm going to want to prioritize details that add "substance," rather than those that function merely as a "garnish."

I have to look at every detail on the costume, think through how I would construct it--often multiple times, to ensure I'm using the optimal techniques--and consciously decide: What does this detail add to the costume? How much of my limited time and focus is it going to take? How well can I reliably replicate it given my disability? Considering all of these factors, does including this detail justify its contribution to the completed piece?

It's its own form of strategizing and problem-solving. I'm not doing it solely to make my life easier--I'm doing it because my disability effectively puts me on a sort of non-monetary budget and I have to optimize how I'm going to utilize that budget (on top of financially budgeting!).

Competitions, including cosplay competitions, are equal, not fair, so there's no way to completely remove ableism from cosplay judging. As you might say, judges gonna judge. They're just doing their job, and they get to make the final decisions in terms of scoring and placements, so I'm not going to pretend that I can influence the opinion of every cosplay judge out there with my metaphor.

Still, going forward, I'd like to see increased awareness of ableism in the cosplay environment--specifically, saving the judgment for the competition, and even then, realizing that a simple numerical score can never encapsulate the full nuance of any given cosplayer's experience with the construction of their piece; any number of factors you might initially think are conscious decisions on a cosplayer's part are actually responses to factors completely beyond their control, like dis/ability, budget, access to tools and materials, and other forms of privilege.

*Even if I am skipping details just because I feel like it, it's because I'd rather have a completed costume I can enjoy than get so frustrated and hung up on it that it makes me want to quit cosplay altogether. I resent that crunching and causing ourselves so many negative emotions over building a costume that just has to be perfect is so normalized that, from my experience, it's effectively a requirement for competitive cosplayers.

[landofzero-archive]

Ibara Saegusa - Private Room Chapter 5

Writer: Nishioka Maiko

Season: Autumn

(Location: Starmony Dorm Room (Ibara, Mitsuru, Midori, Tsumugi's Room))

Aira: Ow ow ow…… What happened?

—Ah, the stepping stool’s legs broke. So the sound I heard from before was the legs snapping?

Ibara: Shiratori-shi, are you alright? I heard a loud sound.

Aira: Ah, while I was using the stepping stool, it’s legs……

Ibara: I see. So you’ve used that stepping stool. That stepping stool belongs to Takemine-shi, but it seems that the legs were broken.

Even though it could no longer be used, he kept it because it’s something you can’t get anymore.

Aira: Eh, it’s something really important, then? What should I do? Even though I didn’t know, I still destroyed something important……

Ibara: It’s not like you destroyed it. It was already broken in the first place.

Aira: Even so, that’s not the problem. If you could not buy this from stores anymore, I wonder if there is anyone selling it on flea market apps? 

…… It’s no use. Nobody is selling. I didn’t expect it to be so rare that even second-hand items were in short supply.

What to do. I don’t want to just apologise, I want to compensate him.

Haa. Today was the same as yesterday. I wonder why I keep breaking the things around me? How unlucky……

Ibara: (‘Unlucky’, he said. The same thing’s been happening to me a lot lately. Though it's not like I feel empty enough to feel a kinship with someone due to having bad luck.)

…… If you can’t buy it, let’s just make it.

Aira: Huh……?

(Location: Starmony Dorms Courtyard)

Aira: Saegusa-senpai! I’ve compiled all the materials you asked for. What now?

Ibara: Yes, leave them over there.

Ibara: Next, measure each part to their correct size and mark them. Then we just have to cut along the mark.

Aira: Fuha…. By ‘make’, you really meant making it by hand.

Ibara: What else would it mean?

Aira: Ehehe, thank you very much for lending me a hand.

Still, Saegusa-senpai does things like this huh? I thought you would be the type of person to buy new things when the old ones get broken. It’s surprising.

Ibara: Usually I’ll just buy them. In the first place, there is nothing wrong with buying new things to replace old things.

There are people who think that cherishing a singular item so it could be used for a long time is a virtue, but it doesn’t suit me.

To begin with, why is using money always a minus against someone’s image?

Aira: Hm~mm. Now that you mention it… I’m happier saving money than spending it. It feels like something commendable.

Ibara: Purchasing things drives the economy to function. Circulation of money is how a proper society works.  

It’s ridiculous to simplify spending as needless consumption or wasteful extravagance. When you purchase things, you’re compensating the professionals for their skills and techniques.

In other words, it also comes with the connotation of showing respect.

Aira: I see……! If I think about it that way, splurging on my oshi’s is actually going to feel like a noble thing!

There have been times when I feel discouraged and it gets hard because I don’t have enough money, but from now on I feel like I’ll be able to face that situation positively♪

Ibara: It’s fine to advocate for a good cause, but please be careful as wasteful spending beyond your means is just foolish.

Aira: Ugh…… Yes, I’ll be careful.

Eh? In that case, Saegusa-senpai is usually the type to want to buy things, and not make them right?

Well, even if we feel like buying it, it’s no longer being sold anywhere so it can’t be helped.

Ibara: Yes, and in this case you could say that each has its own value. I think this is not an example that can be applied to what I’ve just said.

Aira: Each has its own value? What does that mean?

Ibara: It’s value in function. It’s value as a character merchandise. As well as the value of each material and part that make up the stepping stool.

The reason Takamine-shi liked this character stepping stool was not because it’s a stepping stool.

It’s not like he particularly liked the materials used here either. My guess is that the printing on the seat plays a large role in this.

Otherwise, he would have disposed of it once it was no longer usable.

Aira: Mmhm. I think so too.

I do think things like logos are cute, but I think anything with a large print of an idol on it is special in and of itself.

Ibara: In that case, we should make the most of this printing. At the very least, we should protect the lines that Takamine-shi wants.

It can’t be helped that it’s broken now, but this way we should be able to decrease Takamine-shi’s disappointment to some degree.

Aira: Uu….. For someone like me. Saegusa-senpai, thank you very much…….! 

Ibara: Yes, yes. I’ve been accepting your thanks from earlier on and it’s enough. Don’t just talk, please move your hands.

We have to finish building this before Takamine-shi returns.

Aira: Ah, yeees! I’ll try my best to help!

Previous | Directory | Next

[moonchild-in-blue]

Long rant about capitalism and shopping for furniture, feel free to skip:

It's hard being both ethically conscious and being broke, cus spending 40€+ on a basic furniture/decor is financial suicide, but ordering a much cuter item for over half the price on Temu or whatever will make you feel like a Disney villain.

And the worst part is that more often than not, those items will have similar to pretty identical quality/shelf life, because nothing is made to last nowadays.

And sure, there are a few thrift shops available, but most things are so ugly/need to be up cycled, not to mention far away, I'll 100% end up spending more money and time with transportation and customisation.

And idk. Sure, I can go to IKEA and buy a simple, basic carpet who'll do the job, or I can buy a really cute and colourful flower or fruit shaped one, plus three or four more decor/ organisation items (that I do need) on an online retailer for almost the same price, and make my room actually pretty and pleasant to be/work in.

Do I want to be super ethical and not give my money to corporations like that, knowing I'll spend a lot more on more reliable stores, and my room won't be as pretty as I'd like? Or do I want to ignore my conscious for a little bit, and be able to afford more functional AND cute items for less, therefore making me a lot happier?

Plus, there are things I need to buy that require Actual Quality (and will be expensive), and the money I'm saving on more trivial, but still necessary, stuff by giving in to capitalism will go towards that anyways.

Do I *need* a moth-shaped shelf? No. But I do need a shelf either way, and I know it will last just as long as basic, more expensive one from a furniture store.

I already save SO MUCH on my daily life, and use as many reusable stuff things as I possibly can, even if I hate some (like metal straws for example). I think I deserve to have a beautiful, peaceful space of my own. The means to get it are so scummy either way, I think I'll go for the one that makes my mentally ill brain happy.

[clustercollective]

Things they don’t tell you about food insecurity as a child:

I’m 23 now. I buy my own food. I have food in my kitchen, and I can afford to go out to eat every so often. I have nutritious food, and I do not have any logical reason to worry it won’t be there later.

Yesterday I had a panic attack in the grocery store because I didn’t budget for cat litter. I could afford cat litter, and I need cat litter, but I could not leave the aisle until I put it back on the shelf because what if I can’t afford food now. I will have to make another trip to the store today to buy the cat litter.

I ate lunch earlier today. I ate leftovers, but it was a decent amount. I had chicken and mashed potatoes. By the time I finished eating, I was not hungry anymore. I am still not hungry. I have checked the kitchen 3 times looking for something to eat; not because I am hungry, simply because I need to eat so that when I inevitably run out of food, my body will have fat stores to sustain me.

Whenever I go out to eat, I set aside half of my meal to bring home, so I can guarantee I’ll have food for my next meal. When I get home though, I immediately panic that the leftovers won’t be there and I usually eat them right then, so that I will have fat stores and won’t have wasted food.

I keep a single cup of easy mac in my pantry so that no matter what, I always have food in the house. I keep cokes in my kitchen so that when I inevitably don’t have food, I at least have a sugary drink to lessen hunger pains. I compulsively buy ramen because it is cheap. If I have less than 3 packs of ramen in my house, I buy another box of it so I don’t run out, because it’s cheap and it’s at least filling. It’s not healthy or nutritious, but it’s filling.

I have a panic attack if my total at the grocery store is more than $50. If it is more than $50 I have to do multiple transactions. Because growing up, we never had more than $50 to spend on food. If the grocery bill was more than $50, my mom had to call my dad to ask if we could afford to pull money out of the utilities budget to pay for food.

If any one item in the cart is more than $10, I desperately try to find a cheaper alternative. Yesterday at the grocery store I nearly lost it on my fiance because they picked out a roast that cost $16. I had to walk away and splash water on my face in the bathroom to avoid breaking down in the middle of the meat aisle.

I’ve seen people talk about the physical effects of food insecurity, how it causes similar physical effects as famine. Even if where you live has an abundance of food, if you can’t afford it your body will end up in the same starvation mode that survivors of famine experience. You learn to function with a headache, sleep instead of eat. You get used to ignoring hunger pains, when your stomach growls audibly you blame it on indigestion. An inability to lose weight because your body is desperately holding onto those fat stores.

But I rarely see people talk about the emotional result of food insecurity. So I feel crazy when I start crying in the grocery store because milk went up by 10¢. I feel crazy when I eat nothing but ramen for a week because i had to buy $8 cat litter, and needed to make up for that cost in my savings. I feel crazy when I eat and eat and eat, because what if this is my last chance to eat this week. I feel crazy when I eat nothing but grilled cheese sandwiches for a week before I have friends or family over for a meal, so that I can afford to cook them good food. I feel crazy when I ask my fiance to go to the store so that o don’t have to see the cost of food, and then I feel crazy when I can’t eat because I’m worried if I eat all of their food, they won’t have any for themselves. I feel crazy when I go get fast food or pizza because I can’t make myself cook anything in the kitchen because what if it isn’t there later and I need food for tomorrow. I feel crazy when every time I’m asked where I want to eat I suggest cici’s pizza, because then I can eat enough that it won’t hurt for a couple of days if I don’t get to eat later, and it’s carbs, which is energy that takes a while for your body to process so it’ll be energy for tomorrow. I feel crazy when I shy away from any kind of salad because it just takes up room in your stomach that could be used for something with a higher caloric value.

Food insecurity makes me feel crazy. It isn’t just a physical issue, and it doesn’t go away just because food is more available. Not having access to enough food when I was I child has permanently altered my brain chemistry. It is a trauma. And it is not something I see taken seriously enough.

[girlsguidetopowertools]

animal crossing sims challenge!

i've spent years making an animal crossing world in my sims 4 game, and i'm finally ready to play it! so i made a legacy challenge, and thought i'd share it with others! want to check it out in action? i'm streaming it on my twitch channel and vods will be up on youtube after editing!

note: i started this in 2018 so it is based on new leaf and i will cry if you make me update all the buildings for new horizons, i probably wouldn't finish until the next animal crossing game comes out lol

SETUP

evict all townies, and refill homes with villagers and NPCs (need some? i have a bunch on my gallery! EA ID fuchsiarascal)

auto-age/stories OFF for non-played household

single room (plus bathroom) AC-inspired house to start, placed on 20x30 lot

normal lifespans

CAS: generation 1, normal villager (any gender)

museum to house collections (note, at time of writing, i'm still working on my functional museum so it's not on the gallery yet)

optional:

fill worlds (i.e. newcrest) with animal crossing buildings -- check out my gallery!

live-in-business mod (great for brewster running the roost, etc.)

download animal crossing custom content! i use a lot from talia's witchy sims cc (note: my gallery builds are all cc free! but i use these in my sims' personal houses a lot)

RULES

start with a single young adult sim with "normal" traits (see personalities below). move them into the AC starter lot, then zero out money.

each generation has a specific personality with their own aspirations and collections to focus on. each personality has one defining trait that they must have; choose one other from the list, and the third trait can be your choice or randomized. personalities do not have to be tied to gender!

a sim can have multiple children, but only one can be the heir (your choice regarding whom). the others must move out upon becoming young adults. "current generation" progresses when the heir becomes a young adult; parents can either stay and contribute to the household (collections, etc.) or move out -- up to you! if they move out, they can no longer contribute to collections, and they must be played occasionally to age up/die (or do this manually). because of this, you may want to keep them in the household -- good thing you can expand your house!

each personality/generation has a few careers to choose from. some fit multiple personalities, so you can choose -- but only one can have that career (i.e. if your Normal sim in generation 1 is a gardener, your Uchi sim in generation 6 has to be something else).

you can marry placed villagers, and you can bring your spouse's funds into the family (max 20,000 simoleons -- remember, we kicked all the rich townies out!)

house expansions are based on money, not generations. this does not include the lot value, but rather how much money your sim has in spending cash.

you can move lots twice: at the 3rd expansion to a 30x40 lot, and at the final expansion to a 60x60 lot.

COLLECTIONS

each generation has specific collections to complete; see the list below. obviously, only count the collections for DLC that you own. i tried to split them up evenly but also fit with what each personality would be interested in.

items collected in previous generations count as inheritance, but that generation's collections must be completed before they move out or die.

to "donate" something to the museum, edit the museum in build/buy to place the item, and then delete (do not sell!) that item from your sim's inventory. a bit clunky, but unless you want your sim to own the museum as a retail store and pay bills on it, this is the best way.

the goal of this challenge is to experience different personalities and ambitions in the lens of the sims while also completing the many collections the game has to offer. enjoy!

GENERATION 1: NORMAL

you are sweet and well-rounded, but mostly focused on establishing a solid foundation for your family -- friends, career, education, bonding.

career options: gardening, writing, or culinary arts goals: best friends with 8 villagers (excluding family); read 20 books aspiration: family collections: frogs, fossils, decorative eggs, village fair ribbons required trait: cheerful optional traits: creative, art lover, bookworm, foodie, animal enthusiast (or cat/dog lover), neat

GENERATION 2: CRANKY

your parent(s) instilled a strong sense of learning, but growing up with little made you want more. you value success over relationships.

career options: physician, business, scientist, politician goals: no more than 2 best friends (excluding family); reach top of chosen career aspiration: knowledge collections: microscope prints, space prints, aliens, batuu records, moonwood relics required trait: loner optional traits: gloomy, unflirty, genius, socially awkward, paranoid

GENERATION 3: SNOOTY

you learned from your parent(s) to be selective with relationships, but you are more social than them. you enjoy the finer things in life and society.

career options: home decorator, critic, style influencer goals: join 3 clubs; travel on 5 luxury vacations aspiration: fortune collections: metals, crystals, elements, snow globes required trait: snob optional traits: high maintenance, romantic, art lover, ambitious, materialistic, proper, animal enthusiast (or cat/dog lover)

GENERATION 4: PEPPY

growing up surrounded by your parent(s)' club friends, you want to be popular! your parents involved you in lots of activities-- and you want to do it all!

career options: pop star, actor, child star, spell caster goals: achieve "global superstar"; own a hot tub aspiration: popularity collections: postcards, feathers, seashells, magical artifacts required trait: outgoing optional traits: cheerful, romantic, music lover, dance machine, squeamish, insider

GENERATION 5: SMUG

your famous parents leave you with a sense of superiority -- it's up to you whether you earn it, or just ride on your parents' coattails. you like to flirt, but finding someone to settle down with will be a challenge.

career options: detective, secret agent goals: 10 romantic relationships, no marriage (but can hire a nanny) aspiration: love collections: fish, sugar skulls, city posters, message in a bottle required trait: self-absorbed optional traits: romantic, self-assured, art lover, ambitious, eratic, snob, insider, jealous, non-committal

GENERATION 6: UCHI

after watching your parent play with hearts your whole life, you're very protective and caring. you have close friends that you'd die for, but you keep your circle small. you tend towards physical activities to get your negativity out.

career options: gardening, crafter, astronaut goals: start a "club" of close friends; make lot eco-friendly aspiration: location collections: gardening, space rocks, magic beans, geodes, village fair ribbons required trait: loves outdoors optional traits: neat, family oriented, creative, cheerful, active, maker, freegan, hot headed

GENERATION 7: JOCK

your parent(s) showed you the mental importance of endorphins, and you took that and ran (literally). you work everything out through physical activity, and you love it!

career options: athletic career, lifeguard, adventurer goals: 5 "adventure" trips (jungle, ski resort, etc.); university -- party school! aspiration: athletic collections: holiday cracker plushies, artifacts, buried treasure, lightsaber parts required trait: active optional traits: adventurous, loves outdoors, bro, party animal

GENERATION 8: LAZY

your parent(s) forced you to do sports as a kid, and you hated it. you'd rather sit around playing video games and reading comics! you've inherited a lot of wealth and a big house; why work hard when you could enjoy it?

career options: tech guru, barista, culinary arts goals: have a butler/maid; taste all city/festival foods aspiration: foodie collections: mysims, insects, experimental food photos, voidcritters, simmies required trait: lazy optional traits: goofball, foodie, geek, animal enthusiast (or cat/dog lover), childish, clumsy, glutton, slob

HOUSE EXPANSIONS

editor note: i'm still working the numbers out; i pretty much build, not play, in the sims, so i have no idea what's realistic lol. feel free to adjust to what you think is reasonable if these are way off! (and feel free to leave me comments about this, i'm all ears!)

50k -- separate bedroom 100k -- 2 additional rooms 250k -- +1 bathroom, 1 addition (porch, greenhouse, shed, etc.); can move to bigger lot (30x40) 500k -- attic room 750k -- +2 rooms in attic 1mil -- basement, +1 bathroom 1.2mil -- +2 rooms in basement 1.5mil -- 1 addition; can move to 60x60 lot

[every-bad-thing]

Your parents are turning into cacti

( "Hat & Scarf in Arizona" by dr.coop is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0. ) Your parents work in a factory, both of them for some chemical company. Neither of them really wanted to work there. One of them had wanted to be an artist, and went to school for art, and tried for a while to make it in the art world, but eventually had to get a job that made at least a little more money. It was the same case with your other parent, who'd wanted to be a veterinarian but couldn't afford the education.

They wake up very early each morning, before you're even up, and come back late at night, only a little while before bed. There's still the weekends, but most of those they spend just watching TV feeling exhausted, not having much energy for anything else. You take care of things around the house because there's no way they'd be able to. You do the vacuuming, you empty the trash, you clean the bathrooms and even, when you get old enough, manage the bills.

Together, you make up a household that is barely functioning, which isn't really the best but could be a lot worse. You don't have the same cool things other kids do, but there's still food on the table and there's still heat in your home. You study very hard, because you know your parents are doing a lot for you to maybe have it a little better than them.

One day they come home very excited, and tell you they've been selected to help with some super secret project. It will be more hours, sure, but it will also be more money! You see them even less now--just under an hour before bed during the week, and just half a day on weekends. There is more money at least, though not as much as you thought. You don't have to buy store brands, you get to go to restaurants sometimes, and you do have a cool new video game, but other than that things feel kind of the same. Your parents say they're putting a lot of the extra money away because they want you to go to college. The thought makes you uneasy--you worry about who's going to take care of things for them when you're gone, but you don't tell them this. You know this is important to them. So you study hard and try not to let it bother you.

A few months into the new project, one of your parents gives you a hug. Something sharp pokes you. There's a tiny thorn sticking out their face. They chuckle and say oops, and finds a pair of scissors to cut it off. That night you sneak out of bed and listen to your parents outside their bedroom. You can't hear very well, but you pick up things like 'go this long? Because...' and 'no, the company said...' and 'little longer, just a little longer' and '... end up like us? That's what you want?' You feel like you shouldn't be hearing this and creep back to your room.

A few more weeks pass. Now, whenever your parents come home, they spend a few minutes trimming spines from their skin. You asked them once what was happening. They looked at each other, then put on that fake smile that they thought was convincing and said it was just, well, and then they paused and said it was nothing to worry about and to just trust them.

("02-13-06 Chemical Plant and suffocating tree" by Picture_taking_fool is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0. ) Time goes on, and they have to spend more and more of their evenings trimming spines. You begin to notice, too, their skin developing a greenish tint. And it was starting to get rubbery. One day you spot your parents in their bare feet, and there are tiny little tendrils, dozens of them, hanging off their toes. You ask what those are, and once again your parents kind of hem and haw and start and stop before saying that they've been working with some new chemicals and they were told something like this could happen but that their boss said that it wouldn't last and wouldn't really hurt them anyway. You say you don't believe their boss. One of them makes a deep sigh and says that they're making good money for the first time in a while. You don't know what that has to do with what you were just talking about, but you let it go.

It's been nearly a year now and there is no denying it: your parents are definitely turning into cacti. Their skin is now dark green and thick, with sharp spines all over. When they come home they now must immediately cover their feet in soil. Since the bathtub was the only thing deep enough to hold the required amounts, they spend a lot of time there. They can still move, slowly, but it gets tougher for them every day.

You tell them to see a doctor, but they say they saw the company doctor and he told them they were just fine. You shout that they're very clearly turning into cacti so how can that possibly be just fine? They don't know what to tell you. Indeed, their minds seem to be moving slower lately too, taking longer and longer to think things through. You say they should quit this job, that it's doing terrible things to them, but they say not to worry, to let them take care of it, that they're doing all this for your sake, and you may not understand now but you will when you're older.

One day you get up and your parents are still there. They move so slowly now that it takes them hours just to cross the room. They ask if you could carry them to work, because they're already very late. You try, but they're far too sharp now. You start thinking that maybe you could borrow a hand truck when the phone rings. They ask you to get it for them and put it on speaker. It's their boss, asking where they are. You watch your parents explain that they're having trouble leaving the house, and that they're trying to get there as fast as they can, but the boss cuts them off and just says they're fired. It takes a minute for the thought to process in their heads but when they do they immediately start crying. One of them is saying "so what do we do now? What do we do now?" over and over while the other is mumbling things like "but they said... they told us... what is... how..."

A few weeks pass. Your parents are on unemployment, trying to find work, but there's not a lot of jobs they can do. What's more, even though they're not at the factory anymore, they're still turning into cacti. Their faces have begun to shrink, and their legs are stuck together. They spend most of their time in the bathtub now. At least they don't need much water, it seems.

You think often of the company that did this to them, and whenever you do a white hot anger blows through you like an explosion in a tunnel. You take the money your parents saved for college, all of it, and manage to find a lawyer to sue everyone responsible. You will have justice!

( "Courthouse Square - Trumbull County Courthouse. 'Lady of Justice.'" by Jack W. Pearce is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0. ) Things look good for you when the case begins. You find out that the company was researching some new fertilizer derived from cacti. Its scientists, under questioning, admit that exposure does cause some genetic abnormalities, but is otherwise perfectly safe. Pointing to your parents, who at this point look indistinguishable from any other desert cactus except for two small eyes, your lawyer demonstrates that the company's idea of 'perfectly safe' is really off. Based on this, as well as testimony from several other workers who were also turned to cacti, it is made pretty clear that the company is indeed responsible.

The company's lawyers don't dispute their role in turning your parents to cacti. But they point out that they, as well as everyone who joined the special project, signed a release saying they understood they were working with highly experimental chemicals and so they would not hold the company responsible for any medical conditions that might arise. Your own lawyer argues that those were signed under pressure, because their financial situation was so bad, and that furthermore how could any reasonable person believe that becoming a cactus was part of this agreement? But the company says a contract is a contract is a contract. It doesn't matter why they signed it, what matters is they did. And the judge agrees.

The case is ruled in favor of the company. They owe your family nothing and walk away with no consequences whatsoever. You, meanwhile, have no more money for college or, really, anything else at all. As you wheel your parents out of the courthouse, you see the company's lawyers high fiving each other and laughing. They apparently plan to go to the bar and do 'victory shots, bro!'

You spend a few years trying to make the best of things. You drop out of school to work because while your parents are on disability, it's not nearly enough to cover things like rent, power and garden supplies. You're able to live like this for a while, but one day there's some sort of surprise bill--maybe a medical emergency, maybe a credit thing, maybe some fee or penalty you forgot about. Even with your low-wage job, you can't even start paying it. You know that you, and your cactus parents, will soon be out on the street.

There's just one thing left to do. Something you swore up and down you'd never do. But you know the money's good, and that they're always hiring--mainly because their workers keep turning into cacti. So, one gray morning, you put on a tie and interview with the company you tried, and failed, to sue. And that is where you work. Until of course the day comes when you too become a cactus. But for now, at least, you get to keep your home. For a while.

[whilomm]

one of the most annoying things about consumer level sustainability is that yeah it COULD make at least some difference if everyone switched to plastic free shit. like, there would still be all the fucking corpo plastic to worry about, but if every single consumer started buying plastic free laundry detergent powder/sheets, and everyone stopped buying bottled water, and everyone started using refillable cleaners that you put dilutable plastic-free concentrates in, even those few things would make at least some small difference in the amount of plastic waste there is.

but. like. in order for everyone to do that. this shit has to be accessible, and cheap, and readily available. like, ill say first hand some of this shit is straight up more convenient. i fucking LOVE my laundry detergent sheets, theyre easier to use and take up less space and are lighter weight so no lugging huge bottles of detergent home. but! theyre also a bit more expensive on average, and so much fucking harder to find than regular detergent. my grocery store i work at JUST started selling them on the shelf years after i started buying them online, and this is literally the only store ive seen them in person at.

like, yeah, i would LOVE it if everyone started using these things, because even just knocking out all the laundry detergent bottles would be nice, and i genuinely think other people would find them more convenient too, but i cant EXPECT everyone to use them, because most people would still need to buy the things online if they want them, and theyd also have to pay more than theyre paying for their normal, heavy ass huge bottles of liquid detergent, or their tiny little dollar store bottles if theyre living so week-to-week they cant afford to buy anything else. so, yeah no duh these things arent filling up the store shelves yet (despite the fact that theyd also be better for stores too, it would save SO much goddamn shelf space, and god imagine how much easier itd be for the stockers)

so i cant shame anyone for not buying these (even aside from the fact that shaming people over consumer level choices distracts from the fact that its fucking corporations doing most of the polluting). even if a lotta people found out about this shit, they wouldnt be an option for so many of them.

and the laundry detergent sheets are kinda a mild example. like, when i say more expensive, i mean "70 loads of liquid costs as much as 50 loads of sheet". meanwhile, when i look at refillable deodorant and shit, this shit costs like 2x more than regular deodorant for half as much, and some of it doesnt even fucking work because theyre so worried about being natural they forgot to make it actually function as deodorant, and theyre all on goddamn ✨✨✨subscribe and save!!!!✨✨✨ plans, and theyre only available online...

and then these fuckers have the gall to advertise their shit as "saving the planet". yeah sure, youre saving the planet by selling small batches to upper-middle-class people who have the money to spend twice as much on every single toiletry or cosmetic or whatever in the name of going plastic free, meanwhile theres millions of people who couldnt afford your shit in the first place just buying whatever is cheap and accessible to them (aka, available on the shelves at their local stores, whether thats a grocery store or a dollar general because they dont have a fucking grocery store).

and its even more annoying because do you know how easy it would be for the deodorant companies to come together like, okay lets make a standard size cardboard refill that you can put in a reusable dispenser (like a lotta the refillable deoderant companies are doing) and lets just all agree to use that one size so that every single cardboard tube on the shelf can fit in a standard dispenser and hey since we're gonna be saving money with cheaper packaging why dont we pass those savings onto the consumer? but they would never fucking do that, because even for the major companies starting to try making refillables its ohhh its gonna make us so much more MONEY if we have a Proprietary Dispenser™ and once a consumer buys Our Dispenser™ they gotta keep using that one and also hey why dont we actuallt make our refills also half plastic (just less than the regular bottle!!) and also cost more bc everyone knows the environmentalists have Money :)

its not like every consumer good being plastic free would ✨save the planet✨ in the first place, but christ its never gonna do jack fucking shit so long as these things say expensive as fuck and only available online and not on shelves at your Local Store and only marketing to the people who have the time and money to care about plastic free shit.

[perpetual-fool]

-

I'm trying to pivot from the "piece of shit" thoughts to "what does 'right' entail?" Following the analogy, trying to make sense of what happened and how people have responded is the barren asteroid. (And maybe they're pointing me here, responding that way, because they're responding to "how I'm trying to make them feel" which literally just isn't happening.) And I want to look elsewhere for understanding. Not sure how to respond to get there. Like "..POS", "yes and.. what should I be doing instead?"

After that, I still have nothing to work with socially. Best I have is making an analogy to setting up string instruments. You're supposed to be able to just put the strings on, tune it up, done. The lie is, if you spend enough money to get a 'good' one, it'll be perfect. But I've had a number of genuine experiences; setting the viola bridge on a rocker instead of a foot, finding guitar intonates substantially better with a capo, waxing the pegs on my lyre. How did that work? I had a problem, formed a model about what was happening, and the model worked. Had I been pursuing that from the start, the process would've been like.. a series of jr. high-esque science experiments?

(Tangent, there were a couple school assignments to make things that kids of that age would have no fucking idea how to do and it still irritates me a bit. In fourth(?) grade we were told to create a musical instrument that could play at least three notes. The fuck would nine-year-olds even do? pull some rubber bands over a tissue box? We didn't even have a music class at that point. Then in seventh (maybe eighth) we had to build a simple machine with a 2:1 advantage. I think it was like, teacher put a rock down on it, and it had to move another rock double the weight half the distance. And we weren't in any better of a position than before, we still had no ability to make anything. Anyway,)

It would be building up from basic principles. It'd be like, buy some parts from the hardware store and have one string and a tuning peg mounted on a 2x4. Then start adding to that and seeing what happens. What if it's attached to a box? (dulcimer) what if it is the box? (lyre/psaltery) What if it's attached to the box at a different angle? (harp) And that would come with all the little secondary things along the way, like how to mount tuning pegs. And I would have a sense of how everything worked together as a whole, and I'd feel very secure about it, and maybe I'd be happy with it. Although that would have to be in the context of.. something. Say, we're working towards a lyre, and we're going over all the little steps it takes to get there. Contrast will the entire educational system, in which concepts only exist in abstract and never interact with the physical world. Or with every programming tutorial I have ever seen, in which they will happily tell you a hundred different ways the program can interact with itself but never share any ways in which it can create output or accept input. (aside from print/say, obviously)

Applied socially, that would look like what? What are the basic principles of a person? Their concepts, experiences, preferences? Mainly, the world I have for it, 'functions'. Like, given certain circumstances, what effects will certain 'input' have? Say, if I cook a certain food for them, how will they feel about that? That would entail finding out how they feel about all the component flavors and textures (and combinations thereof). I'd have to isolate those variables, like if they don't like mushrooms, try making mushroom broth and see if they dislike the flavor if separate from the texture. Other things would break down similarly. Say they have an experience, I'd need to know what happened, I'd need to know what actually happened, I need to know how they're interpreting what they think happened, then how they feel in response to those interpretations. Maybe, they saw that the fridge is empty, they think that means there's no food in the house, they interpret that to mean we might not be able to eat, and they feel insecure and afraid. Something like that. And I need them to directly tell me most of that. So I'd have to be asking about all these things.

So I have been doing exactly the right thing. And the crooked answers are directly subverting exactly the right thing. And what of that world where no one will admit anything? Having heard some things second-hand, people generally are wildly misunderstanding each other all the time. Real understanding, acceptance, belonging, requires what I just described. I've heard stories, but I can't trust any are true. So a concept I heard of, "emotional cheating", which is forming an emotional connection with someone who isn't your partner. I don't think it's worth my energy to explain why I think the concept is disgusting here. But it's at least mandating that someone isn't allowed to feel a certain way, which means a core part of that person is not acceptable, which just isn't acceptance. It's like it's a bad imitation of the real thing. And it doesn't get better when it's not relationships. Bit of a tangent but I feel like sharing. It makes me think of V's music. And I was sad about it, because it was like she was just imitating the music she's heard and I couldn't make out her 'voice' in it. I thought she could be so much more than that. Now I'm not so sure. Bah, it's just "I don't want to believe that sweet little angel was actually a shitbag" again. Maybe it's a bit more. Like, really what should be most condemning is that I don't know what it was she had a problem with. The least she could have done is tell me what was wrong. But nobody does that. So it's more like: how could someone who superficially appears kind, and acts so beyond the possibility of having ulterior motives, still be fundamentally evil? (And I've concluded before that this must be a deliberate paradox created by the mind goblin to keep me trapped in his illusion.)

But that wasn't the point.

"You're a piece of shit", "Yes, and I should be asking more questions"? A bit of a strange conclusion, since asking questions is primarily what people hate so much. But that doesn't change what's right. It's some solace to know I'm not really missing out. I didn't lose a beloved friend, I slipped off the line after an incompetent manipulator failed to reel me in. I didn't fail to connect or to explain. There's not some secret code that allows everyone else to understand each other that I'm just not privy to. There isn't another way of looking at things that will make everything suddenly make sense. Everything is as fucked as it appears. That's not great, obviously, but erroneously believing I'm wrong puts me in a self-defeating cycle.

M'kay, I'm gonna see if I can scrounge up some dopamine by imagining a nice person or designing game mechanics or something.

[loverlylight]

Okay, I'm just gonna complain about the dismal state of housing for a bit, if that's okay? Adding a cut because this got very long.

So, like, not gonna mention any actual figures, but when we were growing up, we weren't living paycheck to paycheck, we were doing okay, but like... we were fairly frugal, and it was clear that it was because we needed to be, you know? Only buying used cars, almost only got hand-me-down clothes, store brand everything, didn't replace things if they still somewhat worked, anything technology related always secondhand and usually at least one generation behind, only one or two vacations that weren't either camping or visiting extended family, that kinda stuff. Anyway, Dad and I were talking the other day about how (apparently) the amount of money you "should" have saved is six months of income, and Mom and Dad didn't get to that point until I was already an adult.

And look, it depends on how you look at things of course, but if we're looking at that type of metric I'm technically in a proportionally better financial position than my parents were at my age. I don't have six months of income saved, but I'm not too far off (and I did have that amount before the Tinlightenment Kickstarter so... oops lol). I still function under the mindset of "if I haven't looked at my bank account in the past hour assume it's almost empty" so I historically do not spend money on things that aren't gifts or necessities unless it's something VERY important to me, and I'm still following those rules, even if I'm also like "hey, I can actually afford to donate money to people who need it now!" which is great, but basically, even though I'm going to have more expenses coming up I have more financial wiggle room than my parents did at my age.

And yet I would not be able to apply for a 1-bedroom apartment anywhere nearby without a co-signer, because there's nowhere within an hour or so where the rent is a third of my gross pay. And yet the concept of being able to purchase a home is a complete pipe dream. For a 20% down payment on a house basically anywhere close enough that I'd consider moving to, I'd pretty much have to save every cent of my take-home pay for three years, and that would just be for the down payment! When they were a little younger than I was, my parents were able to buy a house about half an hour away from where I'm currently living. I don't know how much it cost, but it looks like when we moved it sold for $178k, and since they bought it a decade prior presumably they purchased it for less than that. Apparently the estimated price for that house today is around $630k. And, granted, I am bummed out for my own sake. But just thinking about how many people are in the same or worse position than my parents were at my age, how that number keeps growing, how housing is becoming scarcer and less affordable by the day, and just... it's fucking infuriating, you know? Obviously, I want everyone to be able to live lives where they're able to have the things they want, not just the things they need, but while this is definitely not a novel thought nobody should have to live a life where their basic needs of food or shelter either are not fulfilled or are constantly hanging in the balance.

[kedreeva]

#i know egg laying breeds don't grow as fast as meat breeds#but it still seems kinda weird#that the male chicks aren't just raised for their meat (via @birdsquirrel)

The thing is, we've differentiated the breeds SO far in each direction that meat birds (and I mean MEAT birds like cornish cross) are no longer able to be used for eggs because they don't generally survive their own weight to get to egg laying age and even when they do, they don't lay the way laying breeds do. And I don't mean they're a little bigger than they used to be.

You simply cannot functionally grow an egg laying breed to the size of a broiler chicken anymore, no matter how long you keep them, because broilers are literally morbidly obese (as in, their weight can buckle their leg bones and cause heart and lung issues). But even if you could eventually, you'd be spending more money to do it, for less return- both in meat and in money. The older the bird is at their butcher date, the tougher the meat will be; roosters over a year old often have to be slow-cooked or otherwise handled carefully when cooking so that they aren't tough and chewy.

Egg laying breeds, on the other hand, have been swung HARD in the other direction, paying attention only to how many eggs per year they can lay. Each chicken is born with ~600 egg cells, and would normally lay these over a period of 5-7 years (averaging 3-4 eggs a week and generally stopping for a few months in the late fall/winter for molt and dark times). Commercial layers now lay all of those within 2 years and put so much of their resources into doing it that they end up having a shortened lifespan even in good conditions (you can expect 4-5 years lifespan, instead of 8-10). They don't get butchered for human-diet meat, either, because companies don't find it worthwhile. A VERY small portion of them are retired to outside homes if there's a demand locally, but here's the considerable difference in breast size, with a spent hen on the left.

Chances are PRETTY GOOD that the average consumer looking at birds in the grocery store, unconnected to their food and how it's made, isn't going to reach for that spent hen for dinner, if there's a broiler available. You'd have to get a PR miracle of marketing to make that work- even if you went for the "we're not wasting lives/creating more waste" angle of using spent layers, you WILL face the backlash of "you forced them to lay until they were spent and now you want me to buy the sad old meat?" (because remember, they're 2+ years old by this point, the meat is tougher).

That said, some hatcheries for pet-owner chickens (not commercial egg production going to laying facilities) DO sell "fryer" specials or otherwise sell male chicks for cheap intended to be processed for food. But the success of this is unknown to me; most people who have raised chickens before know that laying breeds won't be as good for meats. They may try it once, but depending on what they expect, it may be disappointing since the meat yield is MUCH less, much tougher, and takes far longer. Roosters from commercial egg laying breeds are genetically predisposed to not put energy toward growing breast meat or fat (see the study below), only toward laying eggs.

There ARE dual-purpose heritage AND commercial breeds, some of which have been looked into scientifically, compared to broilers and egg layers. For these breeds, the hens do fairly well (but still worse) at laying eggs quickly, and the cocks get fairly close (but still not the same) to free range broiler size post-dressing. The study found that they could possibly be an alternative to the broiler/layer issue, but it's doubtful that any large-scale operation for one or the other is going to take up with them, when they've already built their business model exclusively for one or the other and are already working with animals that meet their business needs The Best (for them).

HOWEVER, it would 100% be worth supporting any NEW company that may arise that works with dual-purpose birds and aims for more ethical treatment of their animals in general (for example, if a pasture-raised chicken farming operation specializing in dual-purpose birds were to show their face, it might be more expensive, but worth it to support, whether or not they're perfect, it would be better). It's just that we're not likely to see large-scale change in the already-established businesses unless it becomes worth it to them financially. You'd have to get enough people to put their money where their mouth is, and demand and then actually buy smaller, tougher birds, and/or actually buy and raise males themselves at home instead of broilers. And that's just not going to happen on a large enough scale without some kind of miracle.

For the past 2 days I have been back and forth with a person that runs a rooster sanctuary, after they posted an infographic about how hatcheries deal with male chicks that was WILDLY inaccurate and incendiary and CLEARLY made by an ARA group. I've had to explain that when you see "asphyxiation" as a euthanization method, it means "they used CO2" not throwing LIVE chicks into dumpsters out back by the thousands to suffocate to death (which is what ARAs love to say every US farm is doing), and that when you see language like "their brothers" this is VERY SPECIFIC propaganda from ARA groups attempting to anthropomorphize animals in your mind. It's 100% meant to invoke the idea of the human bonds often formed between siblings, the familial bonds chickens do not have any concept of.

The conversation ended shortly after I said more than 1 in a million males is needed for breeding purposes (another claim made), and I'm like 99% sure they aren't pulled from the sale stock anyway, they're selected at the breeding facility, and they responded with that actually only one male is needed for every million hens because, and I quote: "The eggs and sperm are collected in a common trough that feeds into a bucket. Water is added to the eggs and sperm to induce fertilization. The excess sperm, ovarian fluid, and blood are rinsed away. The fertilized eggs are gently poured into an incubator tray."

and I had to inform them that they were copy pasting from a first search result on google, and that it was from a SALMON FISHERY.

Anyway. ARAs continue to be fear-mongering fools who will say anything with little to no research if it means they can get a knee-jerk reaction from someone that doesn't know better.

[scottpilgrim4everr]

I miss spending the holidays with my mom. Me and her would have so much fun decorating and carving pumpkins. We used to get everyone from my moms side to carve pumpkins, watch movies, eat dinner and play video games. I didn’t even care about trick or treating.

Everything’s so different ever since I came back to my dads. Nobody wants me to celebrate anymore, they get SO WEIRD around this time. They treat me like it’s morally wrong for wanting to celebrate the holidays after you turn 13. I know it’s weird to see a 20 year old dressed up and walking around the block but I just wanted to spend time with my siblings and compliment my neighbors decorations. One of them had a whole haunted house in their garage. That’s awesome! I mean it’s not like I was wearing a skimpy outfit or doing anything horrible. My neighbors were thrilled to see someone enjoy Halloween as much as them last year. I don’t really see what the big deal is? If dressing up makes me look like a creep I wish my stepparents just say it to my face. I hate it when they drop subtle “hints.” That shit makes no sense to me. They know I’m autistic too.

This year they made it a point not to include me in any of their Halloween traditions at all. I wasn’t allowed to decorate, carve pumpkins, look at Halloween decor in the stores or bake any cookies or treats. It’s like they just don’t want me around at all. I can’t say I blame them I was never really part of the family was I? I just try so hard to include myself when I should’ve gotten my shit together and moved out a year ago.

I’m just like my mom. Not in a good way. I still hold on to my cheerful youth. I still enjoy “childish” things. I still like to celebrate. I’m a carbon copy of her. Maybe that’s why they treat me so differently. They also started shit talking about her to me so that’s making it even worse. It’s almost like they don’t see me like my own person… hmmm…

I had just bought a Jolyne outfit and wig because I wanted to dress up as her this year but I defiantly won’t get a chance to wear it because and I quote “We’re not letting you use your autism as an excuse to not grow up. You’re 21. Act like it.” It’s a bit late for me to return the fit now. Guess I’ll just wear the out fit to bed or something.

My dad always goes in and on about how “rewarding” being an adult is but I really just don’t see it. The only real “rewarding” thing is just having my own money to buy anything I want. I mean yeah it’s cool that technically I can drive, drink, go to the club and have sex but those are all things I’m just not interested in. I can’t get my own place in this economy, even if I could I’m just so burned out I can’t function properly.

I’m not allowed to do any of the things I could when I was a kid anymore. What am I supposed to do now?

Really all I want to do now that I’m grown is buy a bag of candy for myself, get a few friends (that I don’t have) together, watch horror movies and play video games all night. That’s it.

It’s a bit hard to enjoy myself when my dads side condemns me for having fun and nobody wants to watch horror movies with me, but I guess that’s all a part of getting older. I probably should’ve felt this way years ago. I should’ve stopped celebrating when I was 10.

It’s not just Halloween either. They did this for every holiday this year. They just causally forgot about my birthday and didn’t say anything to me when I brought it up. I guess they really wanted me to feel ashamed this year. Well it worked. Thanks for that.