#because she wouldnt have it any other way.
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@stargazerlillian
#star laying down and staring up at the night sky#just allowing herself to relax in her new home#and watching them sparkle through the gaps in the branches above#she stays there for a long while and knows this will be the scene she gets to witness every night#the routine may be the same most days#and theres not much to do#but she has them#so while to the audience theres a simple timelapse of the day cycle#- slightly slowed whenever the stars pass by and the nympth settles down to watch -#and at his core the process could seem monotonous#theres an abundance of passion in everything she tries to make her home better day by day#and you can tell she finally may be happy#she finally has somewhere to be#to call home#with her friends staring down on her every night#and once her home is complete to the best standard she can manage for the time being#and she lays down to return their caring gaze#star smiles.#because she wouldnt have it any other way.#//#written in the stars
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as if it was never there at all.
#undertale#deltarune#utdr#gaster#ok little bit of rambling bc ive been catching up on a LOT of deltarune stuff#something something guy(s) who cant be perceived without also ceasing to exist#i had the thought yesterday that. gaster is sort of the anti-chara in a way. if you say his name he ‘disappears’#the game crashes or resets etc. literally the opposite of invoking chara lol#plus how chara is so associated with deletion of worlds. and here gaster is wanting to create new ones#creating new worlds. creating a vessel for the player. creating connections#and its so much more sad when you think about how deltarune is like. fundamentally his attempt to connect with the player#he can maintain a connection with us. but we can’t see him. or show him his own name. or acknowledge his identity in any way#or else that connection will be severed. or he’ll disappear. or he’ll cease to have ever existed#mystery man goes away the moment you interact. egg man was never there but he gave you an Egg#etc etc#the white egg noelle was given in her game makes me think about this too because#that egg remained there the whole time she was afraid of it. it couldnt be thrown away. it wouldnt hatch. it was just There#and then when she comes back later and decides to take care of it like any of her other pets. THEN it disappears#’_____ left home due to happiness.’#how do you form real lasting connections when the connection itself makes you disappear
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The idea that Tommy, a closeted gay man who was desperately trying to fit in in a hyper macho and discriminatory environment, isn't allowed to have any growth from when he was over compensating and was a dick to Chim really pisses me off. He literally had canonical growth to the point he was going for drinks with Chim and Hen in Bobby Begins Again and they got him a fancy leaving cake.
Why isn't he allowed to grow and be better? Because he's white? Because he "gets in the way of buddie"? Because no one is allowed to say and change at all over a decade?
Like this is a queer fandom and I'd bet a lot of money that a ton of people in this fandom said and did things they weren't proud of when they were younger, especially before they came out so they could try and hide it.
I know this is quite a young fandom too but like, it was literally only a decade ago when "gay" was an insult at school and doing anything that could be get you accused of being gay was fucking social suicide. You guys have no idea how lucky you are that people at least get called out for that shit now cause they didn't when I was a kid. I would have done almost anything to just be ignored, let alone accepted, rather than being openly bisexual.
So yeah, I think Tommy is allowed to fucking change as a person because Bobby, Chim and Hen came into his life and allowed him to stop repressing. Stop being such fucking assholes. You aren't any better than him, and frankly the way some of you behave makes the way Tommy acted when he was first in the show look like a fucking saint. Touch some grass.
#911 abc#people are so so so so happy to ignore canon if it allows them to shit on a character they dont like#remarkable how the same people who say tommy isnt allowed to change and be better#are the same ones who accuse anyone who says literally anything negative about hen or chim of being racist#while openly justifying any abuse of athena because shes a cop#at least have consistency if youre going to refuse to respect all the characters#it just makesnyou look stupid otherwise#tommy kinard#am i a buddie shipper? yes#but i grew up in the era of fucking teen wolf#i can love with my faves not getting together#but the most important thing is a story that feels real#i cant see a way that buddie wouldnt happen somehow for the realest story#however if the writers do a good job#then i will still enjoy the ride#i do not want buck or eddie cheating on their oartner with the other#thats just not fun and i would HATE that to be the way bucktommy ended
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revisiting this site every now and then to reminisce in how much it shaped me as a person and defined me as a literal child
#cuz i was looking thru old youtube playlists right#and i found this one video edited by wooly abt the time spicy went crazy over a kuroo x joe crackskip (hilarious btw)#(also i cant find spicy did they deactivate forever help)#but like something about the interactions. and seeing myself during that time. just hit really really really hard.#like that was a little girl. she was 12 or 13 or whatever and the people on this site were her entire world#and she'd wake up every morning and check her dashboard and send asks and break the post limit and that was like#a significant part of my childhood. and then one day i just stopped logging on.#and i never even realized it but i talked to some of these ppl for the last time and didnt even realize that that was the last time#the people who i swore id meet in person one day. i knew everything about them and they knew everything about me#and now theyre just memories. and i refuse to call that era of my life cringe because i wouldnt have had it any other way#sorry im really senti. i need to find people again i miss them#and now we've all grown in different ways. yk the meeting people twice thing? yeah.#when u all met me i was second yr middle school and now im second year high school#theres so much i had on this site. some days i want it back
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Tbh I think the Barbie movie handled its theme of existentialism better than the feminism.
#the feminism of the barbie movie is nothing new#its nothing you wouldnt have seen in a 2016 tumblr post#and in its efforts to platform the struggle of misogyny it unintentionally shrinks the issue of other forms of bigotry#like it IS about a cis conventionally attractive white woman and the prejudice that she applies to her#because shes a woman. so is not on the TOP of the privilege scale and is going to face bigotry as a result#like Greta Gerwig clearly wrote what she knew#and she didnt feel she was educated enough to touch any other topics#the mistreatment of women is a layered topic and it is a complex matter depending on the varied range of women in this world#queer women trans women women of colour#they dont all experience misogyny in the same way that Barbie does#so its definitely not a very rounded discussion#like even Gloria focuses entirely on the pressure of just women in general#like you can claim that shes speaking from her own experience but. its very mouthpiece-ish#her speech is for the purpose of whacking you over the head with the film's message#yknow i think the focus leans too heavily as ''look what we as girls have in common''#but doesnt touch enough on ''but look how we differ too.'' a balance between those two concepts would have been nice#i feel like Sasha being like ''hell yeah white saviour barbie!'' was like a lazy acknowledgement that theyre AWARE of this issue#but like. theyre too deep into the script now#anyway yeah i was just thinking about this cuz of that gifset#Barbie feeling unsafe and being objectified in a public space#while Ken faces no issues whatsoever. even tho he is a loudly colourful flamboyantly dressed man on rollerskates#because we are going for a misogyny message here. so we need to poof homophobia out of existence for a bit okay??#like this is basically what i mean. putting misogyny under the spotlight#and as a result quietly pretending other social disadvantages dont apply right now. bending reality to reinforce the message that we want#this isnt like. a scathing criticism on barbie btw. i dont have a film critic brain#im dumb and i love everything#also im really not the person whos qualified to talk about this#this is just some word vomit because i cant stop thinking about it#anyway i think the themes of what it means to be human and live and breathe fucked royally#i loved that stuff
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I actually find gender swapping characters really interesting (what part of their expression is dictated by gender norms vs certain events in their life vs their personal preferences that wouldn't change either way, etc.) so now I wanna draw what that would look like in my ocs except I am in pain rn so I'm forced to just lie there and be plagued by visions
#ok but#the thing with north is that when he ran away he cut off his hair and started wearing masculine clothing to hide his identity and went “wait#this actually feels right wtf“#but i dont think he really did anything with his appearance prior to that. he kinda was just existing not really thinking about himself#he was really only focused on protecting and caring for saffron#so a gender swapped version wouldnt be much different pre-running away#not bothering about cutting hair + the cultists' robes look very similar in both feminine and masculine versions#so fem north would still have short hair to make her appearance less recognizable#just would wear dresses and stuff#saffron though. i think she presents herself more in accordance with gender norms#so gender swapped saffron would always have short hair + more masculine looking clothing#but i think her mannerisms and behavior would stay the same. also her general frame#like yes she in part dresses and looks this way because thats whats expected of her + thats how she was raised by The Lady but a lot of it#esp in terms of her personality is Just Her. this would stay the same#warren doesnt give a shit. he doesnt have much gender to begin with. no gender only swag#so he would look almost exactly the same just with less facial hair probably#The Lady would very much be different. like instead of graceful threatening elegant old-ish woman with Big Hair and Big Dress#shed have short hair same level of elegance but masculine clothes probably facial hair too. like one of them small sharp beards yk#the restaurant owner (still dont have a name for her) wouldnt change almost at all as well. shes very much function/comfort over style#her clothes are already masculine n she has short hair both for convenience#shed straight up look the same just with a stubble or smth#there are a couple other characters in this story i have thoughts on but i havent introduced/developed them properly yet#pjsk ocs though ! ive been thinking abt them again#matsu is pretty feminine and it does play a role in a “part of why ppl think hes weird” kinda way#so as a girl hed be more masc presenting#i dont think fumi would really change at all. she also dresses mainly for convenience but i do think she does have a little regard for#for gender norms. but like. barely any. so maximum changes would be those ponytail parts of her hair getting like. a tiny bit shorter#toshiro would stay the EXACT same. he does his own thing#seina dresses that way bc shes expected to but also thats just genuinely how she is. so swapped shed still have longer hair n feminine#demeanor but wear pants or smth. im hitting tag limit help. cries
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God every day I think about Akane’s breakdown in door 3 because there really is no correct way to interpret that and every possibility makes me crazy. Like she sees this fucked up corpse whom Junpei (and the player, depending on how they play) believes is their friend Snake, but she knows that it’s Guy X. It’s a man she very intentionally put in the game for this very purpose, so that he could die horrifically and be displayed for everyone to see. And she has a full mental breakdown over being trapped in this room with the corpse, being trapped by Junpei, to the point where she rips out her hair and starts bleeding from how much she bangs on the door screaming to get out. And fuck, there’s so many possibilities like
Akane could be feeling genuine terror over the sight of the body, and with that remorse. She made this happen, she wanted this to happen, and now she’s forced to quite literally watch the damage she’s caused unfold. She can detach herself from his murder easily in other timelines where she doesn’t have to look at it, and she can sleep easy knowing that her hands are technically clean because she didn’t do the literal killing. But she can’t do that here, and she has to face the fact that not only did she happily cause this death, she failed her mission. She isn’t going to survive, and now this man is dead for nothing and everything is her fault
On the other hand, her entire breakdown could be completely fabricated in order to keep playing the role of the damsel in distress who is so innocent that the very sight of blood drives her to insanity. The interesting part about this is that if she could fake such a horrific breakdown, just how much of her personality a facade? We know she wants revenge, for everyone from Cradle to feel even an ounce of the pain she and so many others went through, but we don’t get to see the extent of how much she feels this way. We never hear directly from Akane about her feelings on any of the original organizers, just her note about her desire to punish them. She hates them, but does she see their deaths as a necessary evil, or does she feel joy and satisfaction at watching them go? It’s absolutely horrifying not knowing, not being able to see her true feelings, not knowing just how real or fake she is, the extent of her madness. Perhaps she doesn’t even know that herself
IN OTHER WORDS, it’s fucked
#zero escape#akane kurashiki#the truth lies somewhere in the middle im sure#but god both possibilities are so tasty#personally i think her reaction is fake to an extent like i think she does feel at least some joy over the murders#shes doing a good deed and ridding the world of evil#but i think that this is a rare moment where she actually thinks for a minute about what shes done and how its fucked#like shes never truly present in the moment she can never fully grasp the severity of the trauma#and i kinda want to believe that this route is a bit unexpected for her#like she had to have known it was a possibility but its entire existence relies on junpei betraying the others#and i think that she was ready to write it off as a rare possibility so she didnt worry about it too much#because the only thing holding junpei back from choosing door 3 is aoi saying that picking it would require leaving people to die#and akane has nothing but her trust that junpei is good and wouldnt do something so horrible to rely on#but then it happens and she cant handle the uncertainty she wasnt ready for ANY of this to happen#not only did junpei betray the others he betrayed HER in so many ways he doesnt realize#he did what he thought was good for june but its exactly the opposite hes not only damned her#but he trapped her in a room with the disgusting corpse that she put there and everything throws her off#and she has to confront that even junpei is unpredictable and is capable of evil and that she herself has fucked up so much#she cant escape this without literally STEPPING INTO the entrails of someone she killed#and its all just too much and she completely loses it#so yeah for me its less a mental breakdown cuz she feels bad for murder#but more a breakdown because shes been betrayed and caught off guard and has a brief realization of how terrifying her actions are#those may sound the same but they arent please guys please :(#as you can see im very normal about this and good god 999 is so fucking good
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ik nilbog and the scarce resources is probably meant as like. loose reference to the entities and how their existence was dwindling or whagever but cmon man cmon. do none of these greatures understand farming. or the first law of thermodynamics 😔 did those creatures not shit. was there no waste product. WHERE did that energy go. was it into the weird world-transferring thing. why was that niche not filled by a weird lil guy. shakes worm the fundamentals of any environment are the weird little guys!!!
#w#worm spoilers#its interesting because this is a p glaring blind spot in a story that usually tries to think itself thru#but i respect the ‘dw about it just enjoy. no rly dont worry about it because im not’ approach to Any writing problem#so ill accept it#and dreamily think about weird little guys#nilbog couldve made solarpowered little freaks#cows. turn that grass and plant matter into more food#probably couldve found a way to make lil guys that ate dirt and transform that into food the otjers could eat#wind powered freaks…..#<- thays aweskme sctuslly i should think about that more#supposedly theres a salmon out tjere that just doesnt create atp#and gets enough from its prey that it forsnt need to worry???#i didnt end up gettijg the chance to look into it and if i do now i will go down a RABBIT HOLE#but tjats an option too. make lil freaks who are batteries and then feed them to other guys#use the byproduct to make more battery freaks#im just saying that taylor wouldnt have had those same problems okay#i believe in her figuring out weird ways to harness energy snd not stsrve to death if she had nilbogs powers#but nilbog would probably be like aw man :/ bugs. i can do anything w this shit
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Grrggh...good morning everypony = w = I rewatched the episode of the ppg reboot where Utonium gets a girlfriend...
#jane journals#self insert talk#🔬 starkissed scientist 🔬#i woke up at 5 in the gah damn morning and MY HEADPHONES are gone so im gonna have to ride the bus w/o them >:[#hell on earth 10 dead 4 missing!!!#and i choose to do this before i go ajfjg#anyways this sucks#like im not bothered by love interests but this whole reboot is ass and the characters are badly written#but theres like....at least one or two cute moments where utonium is smooth with it >//<#it cant even get the FIRST THING RIGHT ABOUT HIM THO#in literally THE FIRST EPISODE he says that spiders creep him out and they basically just. not even ignore but contradict it entirely#for why? the purpose of this ep where the love interest studies spiders and turns into one ig#they could say that hes PRETENDING to like them because he likes her. but they didnt do that#ALSO why spider? why not werewolf? that would be hot#and the love interest is that bland brand of 'adorkable' thats so disingenuous#on the other hand i DO like spiders. and the way she talks to one and like treats it like a pet...yeah id do that ._.#and idk they always write utonium as way more harsh than he'd usually be especially with bubbles#he wouldnt tell her shes being SELFISH by not wanting to give away her last piece of popcorn to a spider#especially when she barely got any#maybe he'd remind her that its GOOD to be generous BUT NOT CALL HER SELFISH#but yeah....theres maybe a moment or two 😒#like when his love interest spoils a whole MOVIE for the girls and ofc theyre upset#but he holds her face and says 'everything i need to see is right here'...>//<#THAT was smooth#and idk they don't play with the idea of the girls wanting to break them up ENOUGH#they just write one fake email and its done. then spider reveal#it sucks maybe i shouldnt have started my day this way 😂😂😂#whatever hopefully work is good!!#and i always have og utoniom to think about 🥺👉👈💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘
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#pet portait#my art#my boyfriends real life dog#she's really needy and annoying she wakes me up at 3am because she wants me to let her under the covers. complete princess#is always begging and whining for something. wouldnt have it any other way
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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#man my mom isnt being supportive at ALL during this time.#my dad: dont wait until youre 5 feet under to ask for help. if you need anything let us know#my mom: she has a savings account#like i don't have any money for groceries and i try to only use the savings stuff for rent but i was literally forced into using it#AND ITS NOT A BIG SAVINGS ACCOUNT LMAO. jesus CHRIST#and yesterday my dad offered to send me money but my mom is saying not to do that because 'she already gave me a check for some of my rent'#as if i dont have other needs. ????#and again. I DO NOT HAVE A LOT IN SAVINGS. JESUS#like a few years ago they couldnt be supportive and id understand and it wouldnt be as hurtful. but my dad's luck looked up a LOT#for the first time a couple years back. so they CAN be supportive now#instead my mom is just asking questions like 'what do you need money for other than rent'#like hello my savings account is running out. FAST.#and thats just for trying to oay rent with it. i have no way of paying for literally everything else#fym 'what else do you need'#also for clarity: the check is significantly less than half my rent. like my rent isnt covered and im still having to figure things out and#how to cover the rest#and shes just not being supportive at all
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last night i was poking around in my mouth as u do and i reached back where i had always felt this hard thing w my tongue for awhile now but was like ah maybe it's just like. my gums being inflamed in the back or smthn BUT,, no i poked that thing with my fingernail n it is a tooth that is a whole ass wisdom tooth
#NO WONDER... MY JAW IS IN PAIN ALMOST ALL THE TIME.... HUH..#i wonder if that period where i literally couldnt move my jaw from the pain for like a week was when it was emerging#otherwise the pain is like not awful. not bad enough it's noticeable u know im used to it i have so many aches n pains in my body naturally#like my entire head has a constant ache. if u touch my cheekbones ill drop my head like a cat into ur hand dude it is .#it's like the most relieving ache . like u have just lifted a massive weight off my shoulders. and it's been that way since i was a kid#i think i googled if thats what it was before n they were like no if it were your wisdom tooth youd know :) it would hurt u so bad#which i despise btw because this means nothing to me BHJAH.... like they said the same thing when i broke my foot the nurse that did intake#i was a kid & she was like dont worry if it were broken youd know and you wouldnt have walked in here on it ... fellas . it was broken#& i could never see anything when i looked in the mirror#but it's just because it's slightly covered by like swollen gums back there which i always thought was just because i chewed too hard#but.#no i guess it;s because something was erupting like an alien#i used my lil pokey tool to squish em out of the way and i can see it#it's so weird just having a tooth u know u shouldnt#like i . i want to just grab it i want to just hold it in my hand#why does it have to be so securely in place whihc is something i wouldnt never say for my other teeth HJBA#i am not going 2 have it removed any time soon im .#i have wanted to go to the dentist my whole life but i am too scared#esp w the damage from my ed and depression im so embarrassed#i honestly want to though#there is nothing that would make me feel more like an actual person then to just. get a cleaning#get my maintenance done LMAO#i do my best at home but u kno#i use an electric spinning toothbrush i floss i use mouthwash i do it all 2 try n handle what damage there already is#but it still would do wonders for my mental health and oral health#apparently partial impactions which is what i have can be really bad n get infected so . aha...h. 👍:).. ..h.
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im glad belos got what he deserved and is actually fully gone for good and wont ever hurt anyone ever again, but its also really funny and fascinating to think about shoving luz and ghost-belos into a locked room together where neither of them can physically harm each other and just force them to have an actual honest conversation for once
#krav talks#toh#toh spoilers#they wouldnt even try to convince the other to come to their senses. been there done that. even belos has to admit that he lost and luz won#nah they'd end up talking extensively about magic theory.#if belos was forced to be civilized and talk to luz like a fuckin equal for once he'd end up infodumping. i know it#also he'd ask so many questions about what the human realm is like after 400 years#belos could explain some things and luz could explain some things and they wouldnt 'bond' persay but more a grudging mutual respect#luz threatens to withhold information whenever he strays too close to any sort of 'witches are the spawn of satan and must die' talk#belos does the same when luz tries to preach about how witches are good and that his god probably isnt even real#so they dance around those topics bcus they both have constant hunger for knowledge and will make compromises to get it#and luz knows belos cant hurt anyone anymore so denying him it is pointless#he's also surprisingly really fun to debate with. at least about stuff that dont have any moral or ethical implications#like glyph combinations neither of them attempted before#i can fully imagine belos insisting that using fire and ice in such a way would only backfire#but luz arguing the opposite because of the way they interacted together in this other combo that she used once#but neither of them can prove it bcus the glyphs dont work anymore so it never really escalates beyond concepts
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i know their asses are fake music fans i know wamuu has never heard a single george michael song hes never even heard wake me up before you go-go. esidisi doesnt even KNOW about highway to hell. kars is also there
#SORRY IDK ANY CARS SONGS#i did look them up on spotify and like i listened to it and its good music!!!! but ive never heard it before LOL#anyway. i feel like ive sinned spelling acdc and wham like that#but i always spell kars with a k he looks stupid with a c... Automobile? your name is fucking automobile?#anyway as much as i just wanna call them wham and acdc. if i write them the official localization way#its easier for me to make clear when im talking about wham! (the pop duo) and AC/DC (the rock band)#anyway im allowed to post this because like well firstly why wouldnt i be#but secondly george michael is my moms fave singer#and before i discovered mcr i would say ac/dc was my fave band cuz that was like the first real artist i would just#sit down and listen to all their music you know#like before that i didnt have a fave!!! i would just say i liked 80s music#cause tbh all i listened to was video game songs and the radio#and i feel like half the radio was and still is one hit wonders#so id listen to one song by someone on spotify and like it but then i just wouldnt care for any of their other stuff a lot of the time#anyway ac/dc and eventually mcr were my gateway drug into like becoming a Music Guy (aka having more of a taste in music than i did +#when i was 12 years old.)#tldr wham is my moms fave band (''pop duo'' technically i guess but stfu its a band) and ac/dc was my first fave (and i still love em)#so im rightfully furious (jokingly) that these faker jjba villians dont even listen to their music!!!! THAT MUSIC IS BICHIN!!!!#stop killing people and listem to everything she wants by wham! please. please. it will fix you#also heres my formal apology to santana because like i have beef with kars for being kars#but santana didnt do shit i just dunno any songs by santana#like the band. sorry to mr. santana himself i will listen to your music one day i promise#anyway sorry for the ramble i looooove talking#muffin mumbles
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no one ever talks about how Not being a dsmp fan was so fucking isolating during and after the first quarantine lockdowns dude
#heavenly melodies#before the major callouts and shit#that dude never sat right with me and my social life never recovered#i tried so hard to become friends with the juniors in my school pre graduation bc my school used to have a solid relationship between the#grade levels but they would never really talk to me and the only thing they were all interested was in the green motherfucker and co#so i literally just couldn't make conversation with them and thus got myself isolated out of a club i felt like i really belonged in#it makes me double sad thinking back onthis bc we held a valentines day celebration (my idea btw) that i couldnt celebrate with them bc i#had to go to the optometrist but i still made them little bags with candy and made them stickers myself (designed and cut them all out)#and none of them ever thanked me for it or told me how they missed me at the celebration or saved me any treats :(#i tried so hard and from what. to jump the favoritism scale down to hated with the teacher that was our sponsor that i thought i could#confide in? because i became the last one standing to finish our club projects and couldn't do it anymore bc of how isolated i felt and she#got mad at me for getting fed up with being so lonely that i had to quit because it all genuinely hurt so fucking much?#they wouldnt even say hi to me in the halls when we were phasing to hybrid learning dude#they walked right next to me in the stairwell once and i kept saying hi but they just looked the other way and wouldnt talk to me#we were literally shoulder to shoulder and they just ignored me. it was not good. like at all bc they werent wearing masks but it sucked
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