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ratingtheframe · 4 years ago

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10 Films to watch this Valentine’s Day if you’re single as hell.

If anyone or anything is making you feel worthless on the Capitalist Holiday that is Valentine’s Day because you’re single AF, then don’t fret because it means one of two things;

You’re happy enough with yourself to not need anyone else.

You’re allergic to people.

Though mine is both the former and the latter, I can still get down to a good romance movie now and again. Now I’m not talking about those horrendous rom coms that Netflix seems to be churning out every damn minute, but those emotionally invested, earthy and well written dramas that has you ugly crying into your bathrobe for 17 minutes straight (me at the end of Her.). Here is a compiled list of some of the best romance films I’ve seen over the years and how each one doesn’t showcase an abundance of clichés and brands them as “acts of love”.

A Star is Born (2018 or 1953, take your pick)

I’ve found that both the 1953 version of A Star is Born with Judy Garland and the 2018 newer version to be a perfect and well rounded love story. What makes this love story so fierce is the vulnerabilities and downfall of its characters, which even though there are many sad moments, it perpetuates and strengthens the acts of love shown in the film. Both versions are similar in that they follow a woman who’s rise to fame as a performer becomes overshadowed by her jealous partner, who is also a notable celebrity. In the 2018 version starring Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper, Gaga’s character Ally is helped by a country singer, Jackson Maine to become a successful singer and icon amongst the music industry. As she rises, Jackson falls and the character dynamics and intensity between them is a fitting love story. I was thoroughly bawling at the end and I guarantee you will too as Lady Gaga’s rendition of Love Again was the true scene stealer of the film.

Call me by your name (2017)

I have an incredible bias towards this film and it has nothing to do with the film’s context or characters or even Timothée Chalamet The reason why I feel so connected to this film and proclaim it as my favourite film of all time is because of when I watched the film. It’s almost like seeing a film about a political event right after it's happened; you have this rush and connection towards something that’s actually affected you in the real world. I had the same feeling with Call me by your name after going through a rough and confusing patch whilst trying to get over someone I thought I truly loved. Turns out I didn’t (thank god) and yet Call me your name was almost like a shoulder to cry on. It’s a film that’s taught me to love and love hard but most importantly, not beat yourself up or try to distinguish the pain felt by true love. If you haven’t been fortunate to catch this beauty of a film, it follows two men, Elio (Timothée Chalamet) and Oliver (Armie Hammer) and their brief relationship in the summer of 1983 in Northern Italy. 17 year old Elio lives with his parents and his father (Michael Stuhlbarg) is a scholar who invites students from outside the country for the summer in hope of passing on his wisdom to them. This is when Oliver arrives, a handsome twenty something American who becomes the infatuation of Elio.

I’ll never forget the first time I heard the monologue that Elio’s father gave his son at the end, explaining to Elio why he shouldn’t feel embarrassed by the pain he felt after loving Oliver:

“We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster, that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to make yourself feel nothing so as not to feel anything - what a waste”

That, ladies and gentlemen and all in between, is what love is.

Her. (2013)

Once again, another film about love that had a profound effect on me because of when I watched it. Her. follows the story of Theodore (Joaquin Phoenix) and his search for a story using an A.I to help him write. However, after getting to know this A.I named Samantha (Scarlett Johansson) and hearing the way she adapts and shows emotions, he soon falls in love with it. Some may deem this as rather sad (which it is) but I think it speaks to bigger constructs like internet dating and letting go of people you loved thus diminishing the fantasy and world you created for the two of you. This part of the film got to me a stark way as I felt the pain of letting go of not only a person, but a fantasy, just like Theodore had to do in letting his past partners go. Her. is truly beautiful, with some great production design, cinematography and acting.

Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019)

The absolute queen of love stories would be Céline Sciamma’s Portrait of a Lady on Fire, a film about the romance between two women in the late 18th Century. Definitely not a narrative you see every day or one that’s been painted in such a way (pun intended). Marianne (Noémie Merlant) is commissioned to paint the beautiful and stubborn Héloïse (Adèle Haenel) and the portrait is to be gifted to a suitor of Héloïse’s from Milan. But instead of getting the painting done and sending it off, Marianne and Héloïse unexpectedly fall for one another at a subtle and well timed pace that had me gawping at the screen the entire way through. Slow, sensual and moving is Portrait of a Lady on Fire and I would definitely say is one of the best LGBTQ plus films ever made to date.

Broke Back Mountain (2005)

Ang Lee scooped up a BAFTA, Golden Globe and Oscar for his direction on his adapted screenplay of Brokeback Mountain. Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger) and Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) form a romantic bond after shepherding alone together on the side of a mountain. Once their time herding sheep comes to a close and they return back to their respective lives, it's clear that their bond is stronger than they had anticipated. They live in constant fear of their relationship becoming apparent to those around them, which leaves one of them taking matters into their own hands. A controversial yet extremely successful film of its time, Brokeback Mountain does a fabulous job of showcasing the consequences and despair of love using two of Hollywood’s finest actors.

Carol (2013)

It’s difficult to fully appreciate LGBTQ plus films set in the past as they mostly focus on the persecution of homosexuals as opposed to the love they wish to express. However, this was pretty accurate of the time and it's only very recently that we have begun to accept one another’s sexualities and genders fully so much that we play these stories out on screen without the persecution part. Carol is a film directed by Todd Haynes and stars Rooney Mara and Cate Blanchett. I found them to be an extremely intense pairing whilst they unravelled as their characters on screen. Therese (Rooney Mara) works in the toy department of a department store when one day she lays eyes upon Carol Aird, a beautiful and elegant married woman who becomes the infatuation of Therese. Therese throws all caution to the wind in order to be closer to Carol and because of this and the 1950s society they live in, their relationship is doomed from the beginning. I was in complete awe of the way Carol had been shot and created into this sensual and rich drama set in the 1950s. From the costumes, to the lighting to the acting, everything about Carol held weight to it showcasing the devotion of a truly talented director.

Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind (2004)

Usually I’d pass on a Charlie Kaufman film, seeing as they make no sense, however I felt that it was time I delved into this cult classic starring Kate Winslet, Jim Carrey, Kirsten Dunst, Mark Ruffalo and Elijah Wood. It’s a really well made film with a clear and distinct message to it that’s represented in some phenomenal filmmaking techniques. The plot line of this film follows a man trying to erase a past lover and his memories of her get wiped away physically before your eyes on screen. It made me wish that I could do the same with people I’ve liked in the past, but the contradictory of this would be the trauma of eventually ending up with someone you had already met in another life. I haven’t experienced a break up nor felt the pain of one, though I could judge that this film tells that experience really well.

Moonlight (2016)

Moonlight is one of few films that I would genuinely worship if it were a religion. It's also one of the films that I outwardly shame people for not having seen, as it is truly a masterpiece and film lover’s film. Deep, emotionally connected, colourful, harsh, moving and eye opening, this film takes you on an emotional rollercoaster through the eyes of Chiron and the three stages of his life that have carved out his essence as a human being. Not only that, but he falls in love with another boy at his school, and when he does, he’s hurt rather badly. Literally. Moonlight is the definition of profundity and was awarded the top prize of Best Picture at the 2017 Academy Awards.

Loving (2016)

When I think of a truthful and honest testament of love, the film Loving comes to mind which is a fitting title for such a delicate yet strong story. The film is based on a true story of an interracial couple, Richard and Mildred (Joel Edgerton and Ruth Negga) being banned from Virginia in the 1950s for choosing to be together. If that ain’t a true sacrifice of love, then I don’t know what is. Choosing someone you love over your own home is an unfathomable thing and certainly shows the strength that this couple had in facing the judgements of others whilst remaining emotionally truthful to themselves.

The Shape of Water (2017)

The Shape of Water is a strange yet enlightening love story between Eliza, a deaf woman (Sally Hawkins) and a creature being tested on in a laboratory. Awards season went mental for this back in 2018, winning four of the THIRTEEN Oscars it was nominated for. I would categorize it as quite the niche film and wouldn’t usually think that such a film could be garnered with Oscar success. However everyone who worked on this film really pulled out the stops in creating an entire new world and perspective that has many layers to it, as well as an abundance of conflict and dynamics for audiences to lull over. The relationship between Eliza and the feared swamp monster that’s being cruelly tested in the laboratories where she works, is heartfelt and honest, which is strange seeing as Eliza’s virtually in love with a monster. The casting in this was outlandish yet it really worked as all actors in this melded well into the story as their prospective characters. It also has one of the most touching endings to a film I’ve ever seen.

And there you have it, ten Romance films for you to enjoy this Valentine’s Day. Watch them all at once, or maybe just watch one. Whether you watch it alone or with someone, it doesn’t really matter!

Lots of love

Ang x

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serendipitous-posts · 4 years ago

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Doctor Who Q&A!

Who is your Doctor?

Matt Smith! Funny story about him actually-he was the first doctor I ever watched-it was Time of the Angels, but at the time I watched that episode, Matt Smith’s run was over. I went back and watched Nine and Ten, and then rewatched Eleven before hitting Twelve up. Eleven has always had a special place in my heart

Your favourite Doctor?

Funnily enough, Twelve. He faintly edges out Eleven in this regard. I think I just really enjoy his humour, dry and sarcastic, and the character arc of wondering whether he’s a good person or not really spoke to me. Yeah, stinky eyebrow man wins in this regard

Least favourite Doctor?

Either Nine or Thirteen? I found Nine to be somewhat boring, I liked his humour, but most of the time was spent setting up his backstory, or that weird romance thing with Rose, and since romance has never interested me, except in certain areas *shrugs*

Thirteen isn’t anything to do with Jodie Whittaker, it’s just that the best moments of Doctor Who are when the Doctor is sad, or vulnerable or angry. The Oncoming Storm is a big part of it all. And it seems that she never really has the oppurtunity to be emotional in this yet. That’s the scriptwriters fault, not hers, and I’m happy they’re starting to change it with the new season.

Best regeneration?

Oh god, that’s actually a tie between Ten, Eleven and Twelve for me

Ten dies alone and it is awful. His last lines brought me to tears, and there’s something so sad about him being killed protecting one of his friends.

Eleven had me sobbing. Out of the three, he’s the only one who met this whole thing with acceptance, and he’s the only one to not be alone when it happens. His was the nicest out of the three, but because he was MY Doctor, I was bawling like a baby. When Amy appeared I b r o k e

Twelve is heartbreakingly realistic. He’s not resisting change like Ten is, he just wants to rest, for once. Like Ten, he dies alone, with only memories to comfort him, and I remember tearing up when he told Thirteen what he told Clara

Who is the most human Doctor?

Either Ten or Twelve. Both of them are conflicted about their morality and whether they should do the right thing or not, both of them try and fail and try again. Twelve is just the one to realise he’s not good or bad, he’s an idiot.

Best Companion?

Donna Noble or Amy Pond and Rory.

I am a sex repulsed ace-aro, this means I would rather stick my hand in a woodchipper than be in a relationship with someone. Platonic friendships and family have always been my bread and butter and these three are perfect for the Doctor.

Donna Noble? Bold, sassy, determined. Her mom is constantly putting her down, and yet she’s the saviour of the Universe. She doesn’t hesitate to call Ten out on his bullshit, and her departure hurt me on so many levels. I have loved her ever since Pompeii, and I will decry the erasure of her character as unfair until the end of bloody time

Amy Pond and Rory. I’m putting these two together, because I only really started to like Amy when Rory came in. I love their character arcs, growing and changing. Their relationship is also fun to watch, once you get over the drama. I like relationships like Chandler and Monica, natural, fun to watch, not Ross and Rachel, dragged out, on and off again, and after a brief buffer period, these two sorted out their differences and their banter was amazing to watch. Also, the fact that they’re the Doctor’s in laws? They are the epitome of found family and I am LOVING IT

Shoutout to Martha Jones btw, runner up as always. I wish we got to see more of her when she WASN’T enamoured with the Doctor, watching her call him out in the Poison Sky was magnificent.

Worst Companion?

The Companions relationships with the Doctor are the most important thing in the show; what they think of him, how much they trust him, what extent are their feelings towards them, and to me, none was quite as boring as Rose and the Doctor.

I HATE will they-wont they plots, and that basically sums up their entire run together, getting jealous of eachothers partners, vaguely alluding towards their attraction to eachother, but not saying it, it drained all of the fun out of Rose. Her making out with a clone of the Doctor, in front of the Doctor was the final thing for me.

And while I’m all for the return of a Companion, she seems to linger throughout Ten’s run. I can understand why for Martha’s; that was her entire character arc after all, learning to expect better of yourself, but she didn’t need to be there for Donna’s; they very easily could have thought of another way to create DoctorDonna. Her presence was everywhere throughout David Tennants run, and I found it annoying

Favourite Doctor Who Ships?

River Song with Eleven, Twelve or Thirteen. As I said, banter and comedy is how you establish a good relationship, it shows how relaxed two people are together, and River with whichever Doctor she’s with at the time always has this flirty back and forth going on between them. They’re very open about their attraction to eachother, and I love it. Also, Thirteen and River because if you don’t think Thirteen is a raging pansexual then I have news for you.

Amy and Rory for the reasons I listed above; they sort through their issues, have good repartee and are a very enjoyable couple to watch

(I briefly shipped Eleven x Amy x Rory before I found out they were in laws, so shoutout to that.)

Least Favourite Doctor Who Ships?

Rose x Doctor. It would have been fine if they ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING WITH IT INSTEAD OF JUST HINTING AT IT

Martha x Doctor. Martha’s whole arc is about learning that the Doctor is treating her badly and that she doesn’t need him. To go back to him would invalidate that whole thing

Controversial Thought?

I know a lot of people hate Clara, but to be honest, I’m more apathetic/warm towards her. I loved her relationship with Twelve, and how she was almost a caretaker towards him. She starts to act like the Doctor after a while, but then that’s what the Companions DO, they become more versatile, more able to handle tough situations. I’m not happy how they made her immortal and gave her her own TARDIS, but other than that, I’m pretty mild towards her

Best Two-Parter Episode?

Heaven Sent and Hell Bent. It was one of those episodes, ones that are genuinely, deeply horrifying. I got chills when I realised how long the Doctor had been trapped in the Confession Dial. I wasn’t really happy with how the brought Clara back from the dead, but I was okay with it, because watching her read the High Command the riot act for how they treated the Doctor was so, so worth it

Best Doctor/companion pairing?

Ten and Donna. Loved their brother-sister duo relationship

If Two Doctors could meet, who would you choose?

Thirteen and Four would be fun; they have similar energy and scarves after all. Think that would be fun to see. Thirteen and Twelve would also have a nice energy between them I think. Maybe throw in some height jokes.

If any Companions could meet, who would you choose?

Donna and Amy would probably end up flirting with each other. But, at the same time, I think Donna may help Amy come away from her hero worship of the Doctor.

Martha and Rory would bond over how they sometimes feel like third wheelers and probably share medical knowledge. Martha and Clara would be fun, caring for the Doctor’s health.

If any Companions could meet any Doctor, which would you choose?

Martha meets Twelve. Twelve is actively trying to figure out whether he’s a good person, and I can see him trying to make amends for the way he’s treated her.

Thirteen meets Amy and Rory. She probably wouldn’t tell them who she is, but she would be so excited to see them again

Donna meets Nine. They would spend the entire time snarking at eachother

The Fam meets Ten. He would be so overwhelmed when he sees how many people are joining him right now

#doctor who #Twelfth Doctor #eleventh doctor #tenth doctor #ninth doctor #Thirteenth Doctor #rose tyler #martha jones #donna noble #amy pond #rory williams #clara oswald #bill potts

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1110

survey by evening-hush

Can you drive yet? Tell me what you think about it: I love being able to know how to do it. It’s super convenient and I appreciate how it allows me to travel on my own time and schedule.

What is your favorite time period in history to learn about? When it comes to learning history, it’s not really so much a certain period I like reading about but rather the sub-topic under it. That said, I like learning about social history the most. I’d much rather learn about the recipes people used to make than the weapons they used in war, or who conquered which lands.

What's the saddest report you have ever seen on the news? It unfortunately makes for somewhat frequent news here, but I always hear of news clips covering discarded fetuses - and sometimes even days-old infants - located in a trash bin. It makes me infuriated too, but for the most part it’s heartbreaking.

Describe what your smile looks like: I think I have quite a cheery smile. I just get insecure sometimes because of my teeth, but most of the time I like to smile big and have it look genuine.

What colors do you associate with all of the four seasons? As someone from a country that doesn’t actually get to experience any of the four seasons, here’s what I think of each: winter is white, summer is sky blue/yellow, spring is yellow/pink, and fall is maple-ish/orange.

In your honest opinion, what is the scariest sea creature you know? Erm, probably those deep-sea creatures that look more like rocks than fish.

Don't you think old people are awesome? I think most Baby Boomers suck, but there are some rare gems out there, I guess.

What is your favorite day of the week? Why? Friday, of course. Reaching the end of the day, knowing there’s a full weekend ahead of me, feels super relieving and freeing.

What time do you usually get to sleep at night? It varies. On weekdays I’ll sleep anywhere between 9-11 PM; and more recently, for weekends, I’ve been trying to stay up until midnight or beyond because I want to be able to catch up on the hobbies I don’t get to do on weekdays.

When you text, do you use text lingo? If it’s with a friend, yes. Never with a client or anyone I’m communicating with for official work purposes.

Oh! What's your name? Robyn.

Who would you cast to play you in a movie? I guess the obvious choice would be Vanessa Hudgens since she’s Filipina?? but idk. It would be neat to have someone as badass as Florence Pugh or Emma Stone to play me, though.

If you could go back in time & live in any decade, which would it be & why? I’d shake it up and pick some random, obscure, perhaps unremarkable decade like the 1570s. Just so I have absolutely no clue what to expect.

What superpower do you think would be the most handy in times of trouble? Manipulation of thoughts/emotions. It’s not the most ethical, but that’s not what we’re talking about here lmao.

Do you believe there is just one love for everyone, or...? I believe everyone can have their own truth when it comes to love.

What natural disaster scares you the most? Earthquakes.

Why are you best friends with your best friend? She just gets me, I guess. We get along very well, our humors match perfectly, but most of all she’s patient with me and I’ve always been able to see that she genuinely cares about me.

What quirk bothers you the most about other people? People are so quick to cancel others these days; it’s amusing to watch people enthusiastically pick fights over just about anything.

Would you ever marry for money? The idea itself is attractive, but I’m not sure I would actually push through with it. I think I have to love someone should I ever marry them.

What is one of the toughest things you have ever had to do? Move on with my life. Acknowledge the ugly emotions and acknowledge that I’m not doing ok.

What outrageous career could you see yourself wanting to do? This is outrageous for me, but modeling. The career itself is not strange, but I used to want to be a runway model in my early teens and it’s funny to look back on now.

Do you world peace is truly a possibility in the future? No.

What song lyrics best reflect your personality? Idk about personality, but right now, “Why do memories glow the way real moments don’t?” is super relevant to my life at the moment.

In what way would you want to help change the world? Being one with marginalized groups in their various fights and causes.

Do you think it is important to tell the truth or spare someone's feelings? It depends on the gravity of the situation, I guess? Like white lies are fine, but in more serious situations it’s always better to tell the truth. I remember that when my great-aunt died last year, all her siblings made it a point not to inform their brother (my great-uncle) who recently had a heart surgery and was thus very vulnerable and could possibly have an attack if he ever found out. They kept it from him for nearly the entire year and it drooooove meeeeee nutsssssssss. I suppose it was understandable for the first few days, but when those days turned to several months, I started to wish they’d tell him sooner because I felt like it would be a lot worse once he learned she’d been dead since the start of the year. Anyway, I was recently informed he knew about it already and I never heard drama come out of it, so I guess it was dealt with well.

What is the most awkward moment you have ever had to endure? Ugh, probably that time an online delivery arrived at home and it was a fucking vibrator/dildo meant for my parents.

When driving down the road looking for an address do you turn the radio low? Hahahaha yessss.

Pretend you are a really good cook, what meal would you make? Risotto.

What is your favorite piece of clothing in your closet? Why? My mom jeans. It’s a classic look that always works, plus it’s super comfy.

What do you think of when you look at the stars? Looking up at the stars means I’m thinking hard. It gets me in a reflective mood.

If you could say ONE THING to the president, what would it be? Ughhhh fuck you get your presidency over with already we are all fucking tired.

What is your favorite kind of weather? As long as it’s chilly I’m happy.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? Both, I guess?

What's one thing you feel you must do in your life before it ends? Travel to a different continent.

What Disney princess are you most like? Personality wise, I mean. Ariel was such a hopeless romantic and reckless and dumb when it came to love, so let’s go with her.

Tell me about your worst fashion mistake: I was a late bloomer and let my mom buy my clothes for me at ages where I definitely should’ve already stopped doing so.

Do you believe in astrology? No.

Do you look into people's eyes when you talk to them? Not always.

You can have one of the following two things: trust or love. Pick one. Don’t they come together though? If I love someone it means I trust them?? But it’s whatever. I’ll go with trust.

Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? Yeah, I think I’m thoughtful and I like that I’m good at remembering small details about my friends. I’d love a friend like that.

What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you don't love them? Probably that I don’t. I’ve never had to do it before, either.

What do you think is the most important thing in this life is? Self-satisfaction.

What did you think about this survey thingy? :] Nice roster of random questions! I personally enjoyed it.

#survey #surveys

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abigailnussbaum · 4 years ago

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She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, S5

Overall I’d say this was the best season since the first one, and the ending it gives the story is a satisfying and moving one. I really liked how the show gestures back at some canonical She-Ra concepts - the rebels hiding out in the Whispering Woods, for example - while at the same time doing things that are completely outside the original canon’s scope - She-Ra in Space! And I thought the ensemble was well-used, main characters, side characters, and antagonists all getting their own storylines and resolutions in a way that isn’t easy with such a wide cast of characters, but was handled with elegance.

But look, if you’ve read anything I’ve written or tweeted about this show over the last four seasons, you know I have fundamental issues with how it chooses to direct its storytelling and characterization energies. It doesn’t come as much of a surprise that the concluding season didn’t address most of those issues. A big part of that is that the show I wanted She-Ra to be clearly wasn’t the one Stevenson and her team were making, and that’s fine. But I find it genuinely strange that of the three series that are obvious thematic and emotional successors to Avatar: The Last Airbender - She-Ra, The Legend of Korra, and The Dragon Prince - none of them reach the same heights of plotting and characterization, and at least in She-Ra’s case I think this is rooted in an unwillingness to complicate a rather simplistic central theme.

(Also, at least part of the problem has to be that the show’s five-season, 52-episode run spanned only seventeen months. Even if you add in the production period for the first season, that’s a truly bonkers schedule that must have told in the depth and complexity of the final product.)

Take Catra, for example. If you’d asked me where I thought her storyline was going before watching the season, I would have said pretty confidently that she was going to get at least some level of redemption story. After all, her situation at the end of S4 perfectly positions her to switch sides by stripping her of all the things she thought she wanted and placing her in a precarious position that she might not be able to talk or manipulate her way out of. The season premiere establishes those facts even further by making Horde Prime a literal monomaniacal monster. And yeah, it’s pretty clever that in a series that places so much emphasis on the importance of friendship as the path towards moral growth, the villain is narcissism personified, a person who has no use for others except as they reflect himself, and subjugate themselves entirely to his will. So it’s not surprising that, finally cut off from any realistic path towards power and made to feel her own vulnerability, Catra would finally start doing some soul-searching and realize how badly she’d treated the people who cared about her.

(Though if you’ll allow me a snide moment, I can’t help but point out that in the Best Redemption Story Ever, Zuko actually gets all the power and approval he’d thought he wanted before realizing that it means nothing without his honor and self-respect. I think we all know that if Catra had gotten a position of power from Horde Prime, she would have felt no loyalty towards Adora and Etheria, and helped him to conquer them.)

Similarly, I think I would have given you better odds than even that the series would end with some romantic storyline between Catra and Adora. And I don’t want to downplay the importance of depicting a story like that - before the end of the season I found myself wondering why Bow and Glimmer’s romance was being depicted so chastely, before realizing that the writers wanted the first kiss on the show to be between two women. I respect that impulse and the representation the show ends up delivering - we’ve come a long way from Korra and Asami holding hands at the end of their show. But at the same time, I can’t help but feel that the way that the show arrives at this point requires a significant rewriting of Catra’s personality and character arc, not to mention the history of her relationship with Adora.

As the fifth season argues it, the root of Catra’s resentment of Adora is romantic disappointment. She complains that “Adora doesn’t want me. Not the way I want her”, and leaves the team when Adora decides to risk her life by destroying the Heart of Etheria because she takes it as a personal rejection. But this is, to say the least, a massive whitewashing of what we’ve seen of Catra and Adora’s past relationship. In flashbacks, particularly the ones from S4, it’s made clear that even when they were on the same wavelength, Catra and Adora’s friendship was toxic and dysfunctional. Catra may have always loved Adora, but it was a selfish love, one that saw Adora as an instrument for the validation of Catra’s confidence and self-image, and denied her any opportunity for pursuing her own interests and desires.

There’s room for a story about Catra growing past that selfishness and learning to love generously and openly, of course, but we don’t get that story in S5. When Catra complains that in sacrificing herself for Etheria, Adora is refusing to want things for herself, it’s not an honest character moment. Catra has never cared what Adora wants - in fact, her refusal to acknowledge Adora’s right to make her own choices and take a path in life that left Catra behind has been the crux of their enmity since the series premiere. Having her suddenly change tunes doesn’t feel organic, but like a parachuted-in personality transplant.

To put it back in ATLA terms, Catra was never Zuko. Adora is Zuko - someone raised with bad principles who nevertheless has enough innate compassion, and a powerful moral compass, that with a little support - emotional or magical - they can break through their indoctrination and become a hero. Catra is Azula - obsessed with power, possessed of very little compassion for others, and, most importantly, seriously emotionally unbalanced. I’m not saying someone like that can’t be helped and can’t become a better person, but it takes a great deal more than what the last season of She-Ra has given us.

Meanwhile, if you look at Adora’s storyline, on one level it gives us what I’ve wanted for a while. I’ve complained a lot about how Adora has remained static throughout the middle seasons of the show while other characters - Glimmer, Catra, Scorpia - got character arcs and changed meaningfully. One effect of that has been to create a strange disconnect between the show’s central themes and its main character. In a story that is supposedly all about the importance of friendship and personal connections, the heroine is someone who achieves her heroic destiny by rejecting those connections in favor of a more global morality, and who then had to struggle with balancing her sense of global responsibility with personal attachments - to Glimmer and Bow as much as to Catra.

The fifth season finally circles back to these ideas and places Adora at its center. I thought her conversation with Mara about having the right to be more than She-Ra, and to do more with her life than sacrifice it for others, was a really powerful moment. I just feel like, once again, the foundation wasn’t laid for it. First because Adora’s growth has been mostly ignored during the intervening three seasons, and second because this is a character arc that clashes with the show’s friendship-above-all message in ways that aren’t really acknowledged.

When you think about it, the moments when Adora has been the most herself are the ones when she rejects toxic friendship and stands up for herself - in her confrontations with Catra, especially over the course of the first season, and when she defies Glimmer’s decision to use the Heart of Etheria and the end of S4 and destroys the sword. So to the already complicated issue of where to draw the line between the things you want for yourself and the things you owe others, you add the thorny matter of when to detach yourself from toxic friends who see you only as a means to an end. Except that She-Ra never really grapples with this extra wrinkle - and again, Catra’s hasty personality transplant plays into this, because we get to pretend that the only problem she and Adora ever had was romantic miscommunication.

In a season that is all about putting aside differences and personal grievances to fight for a common cause, there is a refreshing number of instances that remind us that those grievances are still relevant - the fact that nobody will ever really trust Shadow Weaver, for example, or the other princesses calling Entrapta out on her seeming indifference to the consequences of her actions (though in this case, and yet again, Entrapta’s neuroatypicality is used as a get-out-of-jail-free card from taking personal responsibility). Even Glimmer gets to spend a bit of time in the dog house, at the same time that she and Bow work together and save each other’s lives. But once again, when it comes to the main character, we can’t let pesky matters like a lifetime of toxic friendship get in the way of a happy ending in which lesbian love conquers all.

There was a good story to be told here, one that could have easily ended up in the same place as the series actually did. But it required actually delving into the complexity of a character like Adora, and dealing honestly with the problems in her relationship with Catra. She-Ra ends - as it did throughout it run - by choosing to paper over those difficulties in favor of a friendship-conquers-all message that is a great deal less convincing.

(Also, am I wrong or are there a lot of loose ends still? I don’t think we ever find out who Adora was, what Greyskull is, and what She-Ra actually is.)

#she-ra and the princesses of power #season 5 #is a good season overall #and i had no reason to expect #that the show would suddenly prioritize #the things i wanted it to be #over the things it always was #but i can't help but regret #the better and more complex show we could have had #if there had been any willingness #to complicate the very simple message at its core

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why-this-kolaveri-machi · 5 years ago

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some people are just born bad.

look who’s finally gotten her shit together and watched the new episode! honestly, i was busy, but also maybe putting off watching this episode because i felt the pressure to Write Something about it when a lot of the times i don’t have insights so much as i point and go, “ooh shiny!”? so. i don’t know. anyway, i got over myself, i watched titans 2.05, it was excellent, and i would like to tell you why.

SPOILERS ahead.

1. titans is taking a HUGE gamble by keeping the titans’ history with deathstroke under wraps five episodes into the season, and having the old team constantly refer to it in increasingly melodramatic terms. i mean, this episode is called deathstroke but we never actually see his face--just his admittedly creepy mask--and we still have no idea what dick did to jericho that was so horrible that they’re carrying this much guilt with them all these years later. i mean, if the reveal doesn’t live up to all of this sinister build-up *cough*trigon*cough* it would be a great pity.

1.5. i do think this episode hung together better than the previous four in almost every aspect--the themes were clearer, plot points were clarified, arcs advanced, and we got some genuinely good, if short, action sequences. and even though we don’t really learn anything new about slade wilson’s backstory or the origins of his feud with the titans, i do have a theory about why it is absolutely appropriate to call it deathstroke, and that theory, predictably, is mostly about dick grayson. um. so. stick around?

2. kory coming in and just... putting out fires left and right? talking sense to these melodramatic fuckers? actually inquiring after their emotional well-being, and giving them space to express themselves? FUCK YEAH. awesomeness aside, it just makes sense that she would be the one to bring some much needed perspective to the table--the og team is too caught up in the past to look at the present with any degree of emotional distance (tho dick, bless him, does try), and rachel and gar dare not question dick’s authority.

2.5. the conversation she has with rachel is easily one of the smoothest and most heartfelt parts of an episode that otherwise often appeared fraught and brittle with heightened, soap-y drama. the two of them bonding over being outcasts even among outcasts, and rachel, desperately seeking not normalcy but an anchor, and kory being that for her... just perfect. i wish we’d gotten more of this right from the beginning. i wish this theme had been developed this explicitly and this empathetically right from season 1. i wish there was more kory, period--i really do think everybody’s forgotten that her original mission on earth was to find rachel and stop trigon from destroying the planet, and i don’t think it would take much time to make her s1 and s2 plot-arcs connect, if they would just give it to her--

2.8. also, while kory bringing support and sanity to the tower is wonderful, that’s not her role, nor should it be. it would be great if she could express her own conflict with her past and her supposed destiny without having to use that to prop up somebody else when they’re in crisis.

3. dick grayson. oh boy. oooohhhh boy.

3.35. i described dick as a Mature Mentor in an earlier review and i mostly stand by that. i do think that he took in rachel and gar--and yes, jason--with an intent to not just protect them but to give them the tools and training to protect themselves. i think he committed to that as best as he could, or as best as he thought he could--a comfortable and fortified place to live, healthy food, training both their bodies and minds to defend themselves. more than anything, after the trigon fiasco, he gave these kids a place to belong. when slade and donna and dawn go off on him for putting these kids in harms way by restarting the titans, they’re being a tad unfair in ignoring this--and the fact that he didn’t know deathstroke was alive when he re-opened the tower--and the reasons they banded together to form the titans in the first place all those years ago.

3.38. it isn’t so much that he wants to keep them at a distance, or wants them to be soldiers on a mission--he frequently and freely uses the word ‘family’ when referring to them, tries to find ways to connect to them (at least until deathstroke came back and petrified his plans), and is just about always there asking what’s wrong at disturbances in the night (does this man ever sleep???). his refusal to admit vulnerability and insistence on silently taking on all responsibility and compressing it into a jagged diamond core right at his centre means that, while they clearly admire him and look up to him, rachel and gar can’t be vulnerable or honest with him. and they both need that so, so badly.

3.45. the shock of deathstroke’s return, the lingering trauma from garth’s death and whatever the fuck happened with jericho, and the old team coming back together with exactly none of their issues resolved means that a lot of bad habits are rearing their head as dick decompensates silently under intense and relentless stress. he shuts the kids out. he weathers everyone else’s admonition without protest, only occasionally cracking. he jumps into confrontations without any plan aside from ‘show up and hope things work out for the best’. the og team is too accustomed to ceding the planning and leadership to dick and funelling their feelings about the consequences of their actions through him. the kids don’t feel secure enough to question his authority. in that sense, kory is the only one in any position to really confront him, and when she does, he unravels in an instant.

so it isn’t entirely unsurprising that he goes to face deathstroke and give himself up to save both rose and jason. i can only hope that this comes as a wake-up call to the rest of the team that dick grayson is really Not Okay, and that they can’t carry on like he is.

3.6. dr. light was disposed of without much fanfare. jason’s capture was incidental. it’s ostensibly deathstroke v the titans, but deathstroke’s beef is very personal, and it’s with dick grayson. in that sense, an episode of dick grayson making very bad decisions under the stress of having to choose between two impossible choices (and failing all the same) is also the story of deathstroke playing out what he (probably) went through with ruthless, clinical precision.

3.8. as much as that final shot of jason falling to his death while dick reaches helplessly, screaming, hurts, it’s fucking agonising thinking how just five episodes ago, rachel had used that traumatic memory to save him instead.

4. hank empathising so strongly with jason, kory using her own experiences to connect with and reassure rachel... this is the content i’m craving, you guys.

4.5. now if we could just get more gar (please!) it would be perfect!

5. even if your destiny seems inevitable, even if what you are and what you are meant to be seems set in stone, there’s always another way. kory just arrived with the big over-arching theme of the season, people. god i love her.

#titans #titans spoilers #koriand'r #dick grayson #rachel roth #slade wilson #deathstroke #meta #a byronic cupcake #badass strawberry truffle

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anditendshowyoudexpect · 5 years ago

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There remains a stigma attached to the word ‘breakdown’, when actually it’s a very legitimate response to life in the early twenty-first century. We are not designed for the non-stop world we live in, the pressures put upon us, and those we bring upon ourselves. For young people, especially, those pressures are becoming ever more intense. Social media, the battle for jobs, the speed with which we judge – it’s a lot easier for kids now to be made to feel inadequate in so many different ways. I worry about what any child picks up in their subconscious just through their daily interaction with the world. Societal pressure has got worse for children, and I hope my own experiences will make me better able to help my children tread that difficult path.

Billie was magnificent as Rose. I knew she was good at the time but looking back now I can see her absolute brilliance. It reminds me how much we loved working together, which is palpably obvious on screen. Actors work at chemistry; it doesn’t just come with a snap of the fingers, but we were fortunate enough to have something there from the start. We were also professionals and knew how to achieve on-screen banter. What truly amazes me is I know how nervous Billie was at the start. She thought I was some big serious performer and she didn’t have the belief in herself as an actor. She proved herself, of course, to be way better than any of the rest of us. Her luminosity on screen comes from herself, not those around her, and instinctively she made Rose exactly the person she should be. When Doctor Who won a BAFTA for Best Drama, it was Billie for whom I was truly delighted. The reception she got when the show was screened made any lingering reservations on her part about her ability evaporate. It was admirable in her that she had zero arrogance that she could do it. The work she has done since has shown her to be worthy of every accolade that comes her way.

Watching our characters now reinforces what I concluded at the time: Russell enjoys writing more for women than he does for men. If so, I’m glad – there’s been a lot of writing for men. Rose arrives on screen fully formed, one of the strongest female characters of any show of any year, painting a solid line leading directly to Jodie Whittaker. If you think about it, the relaunch in 2005 was actually the chance to create the first female Doctor. Why not do it then? Perhaps, really, we should be looking back on Billie Piper not as Rose but as the Doctor.

The attitude exists that, in the relationship between producer, director and actor, they are the adults and we are the children. I agree, actors can behave like children, they can be spoilt – but not this one, and not a lot of others I know. A working relationship can’t operate on a basis of master and servant. If a director, or anyone else on set, comes in and has bad manners, then chances are they’ll hear from me.

This idea that actors can be manipulated and pushed around to suit the agendas of others irritates me. On Shallow Grave, prior to the shoot, myself, Ewan McGregor and Kerry Fox lived in a flat together for a week. We rehearsed, read scenes, and got to know each other. I considered it to be a budgetary and practical arrangement, but after the film came out Danny talked about it as being a social experiment, which I objected to because to me it was like the director playing God. If Danny wanted to conduct an experiment to gauge our reaction and interaction to one another, he should have told us. Had I known, I would doubtless have gained something from the situation. Danny, I expect, would argue otherwise, that the actors wouldn’t get it. Well, I’m more intelligent than that. As it turned out, Danny’s plan was counterproductive because all it did was give myself, Kerry and Ewan a week to realise we didn’t like each other very much and didn’t get on. We had entirely different backgrounds, approaches to acting, and sensibilities. All three of us were also very, very ambitious and insecure with it. Danny would probably argue that that tension then manifested itself on screen. I think that’s bollocks. This idea of pitting one actor against another is dangerous, manipulative and patronising. The film would have been better without all that nonsense.

I’m not alone in feeling dismayed at misplaced directorial interference. Anthony Hopkins once arranged for the cast of Frankenstein to go for a Chinese meal during rehearsals. Anthony received a message from Francis Ford Coppola: ‘Francis doesn’t want you to go for a Chinese meal,’ it read, ‘because he feels it would break the atmosphere.’

Anthony Hopkins’ reaction was simple – ‘Bollocks, we’re going for a Chinese meal.’

In a way, Let Him Have It was an example of the British film industry bowing to American values. I hate Forrest Gump. I would like to burn every single copy of that film for the way it treats both mental health issues and women. A sexually free female character who ends up with AIDS? That tells you everything. I wanted to make an angrier, more polemical, more complicated film about a young man who deserved more than just to have the label ‘simple’ pinned to his lapel.

That presence, that intensity, that some people, not just Peter, have identified again comes from growing up, like most working class children, with the institutional message, ‘You’re stupid’, as did my father, as did my brothers. If you’re working class in this country, you may be able to shovel shit or push a trolley, but, ‘You are thick. You do not emote.’ ‘You are thick. You are not worthy of a decent education.’ Those central messages of unworthiness become so ingrained that they are self-perpetuating. Come up with a big word and not only are you mocked – ‘Oh, where did that come from?’ – but you mock yourself. So yes, I am intense, and that’s because there’s a lot of fierce concentration on trying to be articulate, rather than that laid-back public-school attitude to intellect that some people seem to have.

My dad had definitely shared with me a very visible masculinity. His appearance and actions shouted standard maleness, but the way I viewed him was different. It seemed obvious to me that, at his core, causing his outward behaviour, was a great femininity and vulnerability. My view of maleness was formed from how tyrannical my dad could be and yet how gentle. Through him, I learned to accept that the two things could coexist. I too have a masculinity allied to an intensely female side. Perhaps the difference is I’m aware of it. Dad, I think, found his sensitivity a source of conflict. For many years, I was the same. I resented it. I resented the part of me that made me different. If you are a late-twentieth-century male, traditional working-class, you are not going to like that side of yourself. I wanted to be black and white. I didn’t understand that it is the sensitive side that offers true insight in life – intuition and empathy.

Similarly, there’d be no bunches of flowers from Dad – none of that – and he didn’t like dancing – he was too self-conscious, too embarrassed – so Mum would always dance with somebody else.

I once went into my mum and dad’s room and saw a book, The Sun is my Tormentor, a Mandingo-esque novel of love and adventure, by Mum’s side of the bed. Seeing my mother in middle age and her desire for romance moved me deeply. It made me cry. I felt for her emptiness and also because I knew there were greater romantic novels that, because of her conditioning as being unworthy of such literature, she perhaps felt she couldn’t venture into.

We wrapped the production on Friday, had a party, and then on Saturday morning I’d arranged to go to Old Trafford with my dad. I was really looking forward to it – and he turned up with the season tickets from two years before. I’m disgusted with myself thinking about it now, but I gave him a bollocking. I was pissed off because I couldn’t go to the game. More than that, though, I was pissed off because he had dementia. That is shameful on my part, but genuinely that is the case. Maybe that shame is something others in the same position will recognise, an occasional presence of a selfish internal voice, one that so desperately craves ‘normality’.

I put my anger at his illness down to coming straight off the back of Flesh and Blood, with its fictional narrative so unflinchingly similar to my own non-fiction life. Amid that emotion, present as he always was whenever me and my dad knocked heads, was that little boy who was frightened of him. I definitely harboured residual anger towards him, a straight reflection of the anger he’d exhibited towards me. Sounds harsh, but he was getting back the temper he taught me. I was in control now. I’m not proud of that, and I’m not saying it’s right, but that’s how I justified it to myself.

I looked into his eyes and could see him trying to process what was going on. He was staring at the season tickets, semi-computing that they were the ones from two years ago, while trying to work out what the situation meant, and what should happen next. For ten seconds, my peripheral vision was blacked out, blinkered. All I saw was this big, fierce bird-like face looking around lost in confusion. I put Dad on the bus home, the route being familiar to him, and walked away. I rang later and explained to my mum what had happened. And then I started crying. I cried for four hours. That night I had a date with my girlfriend. I told her about it and cried all over again. I broke my heart like I’ve never broken my heart since. That moment of seeing his confusion had left a mark – not a bruise, but a deep, lasting weal. Until that point, I’d understood intellectually that my dad had dementia because we’d been told. But emotionally I hadn’t understood it at all. And then there, in the street outside Old Trafford, I’d been given a window into somebody going mad. Becoming demented. That’s the truth of it – demented. It’s a shocking word. We used to talk about demented dogs, and we shot them. When we say dementia, there’s no hiding the truth. It means people are demented. We can dress that up however we want, but there’s no denying the naked reality beneath. That day I had been presented with the stark vision of a man floundering in a maze of his mind’s own making. Not knowing who and where he was. And I’d just been horrible to him. And he was my dad.

Esme asked me the other day, ‘Daddy, do you like Mummy?’

‘Well,’ I said, ‘when me and Mummy met, we fell in love and had you. Having two children very quickly is hard on parents in a relationship and then Mummy and Daddy started to not like each other. Now, Esme, as you’ve seen, we are trying to be friends.’

As a child, I would have liked that level of honesty and candidness with my parents, but it was no more part of Ronnie and Elsie than it had been their parents, and so on and so on before. I completely understand that the openness switch was neither at their fingertips nor was it socially reinforced. Emotion could hold a working-class child back, make them unready for what was to come – what they were for. I am thankful to have been given the opportunity to have a more grounded relationship with my children. Before Albert and Esme, playing football, wrestling, doing a crossword or mock-boxing with my own dad were the happiest things I could ever imagine in my life. They go right to the heart of me. Now, I have a new happiness with my own children. And it is a happiness born of honesty.

The blight on that happiness is that I don’t live with them. I know I’ve yet to come to terms with that fact. This book will help, the increasing distance from the hospitalisation will help, but it’s something that will always hurt inside. The legal system could certainly help deliver balance for parents and children involved in separation and divorce. Hopefully, we are in the dog days of the Victorian view of men and women and their role in their children’s lives, which has led to institutional and historic bias. In the twenty-first century, an authentic emotional relationship can come from a man as much as a woman.

I wanted to throw a spotlight on the generations, the millions and millions, for whom ‘success’, defined as anything other than the basic survival of themselves and their family, was a concept of which they were denied to the extent that they were chained, leg, wrist and neck, to an institutionally blessed mindset of zero expectation. To those in charge of those institutions, the working class is as it describes. A production line of workers, nothing more, nothing less. People? With character, hope, intelligence, ambition? Forget it. Get back in your box and shut up.

I was asked a few years ago to go on the BBC genealogy show Who Do You Think You Are? I agreed and they started looking into my family tree. It says everything that the project went nowhere. They tugged aside the leaves on those branches and concluded, ‘Nothing to see here.’ Generations of working-class people dismissed. Individuals with their own hopes, dreams and stories. Not army generals, industrialists, vaudeville singers, but factory workers, farm labourers, cleaners, nothing in any way ‘sexy’ enough for TV.

No doubt if someone like me had popped up in the dim and distant, all would have been good. But why? My father had all my abilities, linguistically, physically, and then some. So, no doubt, did generations before him. I get that my life has been far more fulfilled than my father’s and those before him, but for me that makes him the far more interesting story. What do I know of life? I’m not driving stacker trucks all day at Colgate-Palmolive and then going to Bulmers and driving stacker trucks there all night. I’m not cleaning floors in a launderette like Mum. And yet how often is the story of the working class ever told on TV? I don’t mean the dross that is soaps. I mean properly told? The answer is less and less. Working-class stories don’t fit in boxsets. They don’t make money. They don’t fit the business model of selling to global TV. And yet they are the lives that talk to me, define me. They are the lives I find endlessly fascinating.

Christopher Eccleston, I Love the Bones of You

#christopher eccleston #i love the bones of you #books #such a honest sincere book he wrote #i love him even more for it #i want to quote every sentence #and i would if i wasn't listening to audio #dw #mental health

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ipraygreywords · 5 years ago

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Slayers Week 2 Day 2: Villains

But is he really?

“I am both better and worse than you thought” (Sylvia Plath).

Of all the many characters for whom I have written, none is more difficult to pinpoint than Rezo, in this particular regard. This is the man who heals stray kittens for little boys when nobody is looking, who devoted 150 years of life to traveling nonstop and healing hundreds of thousands of people of illness, but also steals another preteen boy’s body for the chance to cure his own blindness. See what I mean?

My ultimate conclusion is that Rezo is a good person who has had to compensate for personal impediments using opportunistic means, and because Rezo was never fully in control of Rezo’s own judgment or Rezo’s own choices, these actions became increasingly abhorrent in the two to three years before his death: but he still did a great deal of good in his life, and, were he to live free of that influence, he would be unequivocally good. That is WHY he was chosen to be corrupted. Bad people attack symbols of goodness to demoralize their enemies. But let me back up. Because woosh. This is a complex topic.

Sussing out Rezo’s moral alignment is difficult because Rezo, as we see him in canon, never does anything without the powerful, corrupting presence of a ma-oh (the strongest tier of demon in all his world, one of only four in the universe, who are eclipsed by only one other being) which was affixed to his soul from birth. This ma-oh (the mouthful name of “Ruby-Eyed Shabranigdu”) chose Rezo intentionally as a vessel, from which he hoped to eventually be resurrected (in the process, killing Rezo–a fact which alone is intriguing, because Shabranigdu has done this before to other humans, who survived his resurrected and far more comfortably cohabited with him). So when one analyzes Rezo’s actions as a human being, one always has to try and separate out Shabranigdu’s manipulations from Rezo’s natural inclinations. Let’s get a couple (overly simplistic, imho) anti arguments out of the way first:

–People who dislike Rezo often point out that Shabranigdu picked Rezo because he saw vulnerabilities that he could exploit to the point of serious moral corruption. That means it was possible to break Rezo: but I–and Lina Inverse, the chief protagonist of the Slayers series–believe that still doesn’t condemn Rezo as a “bad” or “weak” person. It just means that Shabranigdu, who is a master manipulator, could find a strategy with which to erode Rezo’s will. I also believe that because Rezo was born with a famously powerful capacity for white/healing magic, and a demonstrable urge to serve others in ways that could not possibly benefit him, Shabranigdu thought it would be perversely hilarious to target a cleric: a person in whom people placed their trust, to have their best interests at heart, and to make them well. (Shabranigdu’s main goal is to wreak despair and violence on the world, and return it to a state of chaos, so why not take down a few more people beyond Rezo, ruin their faith in the benevolence of their healers, while he’s at it? But I’ll get to this more later.)

–People who dislike Rezo also often assume that Shabranigdu was the cause of Rezo’s eyes being sealed shut, causing him “blindness,” from birth. Why is this important to your question? Because when we analyze the series more closely, it becomes clear that Rezo’s eyes are a protective seal AGAINST Shabranigdu’s resurrection, which means that the ma-oh cannot complete his resurrection unless Rezo opens his eyes (we see this both in Slayers Season One and in Slayers Evolution-R). When Rezo was born, his eyes acted as a failsafe shielding the world FROM Shabranigdu. Shabranigdu had to act against that failsafe to be reborn. So Shabranigdu turned the VIRTUE of the sealed-shut eyes into a HANDICAP which embarrassed, discouraged, and isolated Rezo, because he could cure everyone else with his amazing healing skills, but not himself (and even a saint must eventually feel jealousy and resentment from that)–such that EVEN THE THING THAT MADE HIM FAMOUS, AND GOOD, AND LOVED BY OTHERS, BECAME A SYMBOL OF “BUT NOT YOU: YOU DON’T GET TO BE HAPPY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. NEVER YOU.” A person who is depressed and angry and alone is much easier to break. See below.

–People who dislike Rezo almost always cite what he did to his own grandson Zelgadis as the most condemnation-worthy “evidence” that he is rotten to the core. While there is NO EXCUSING WHAT HE DID, and I will NEVER think what he did is okay, I could not disagree with these individuals more. Rezo is capable of forming and maintaining loving attachments; in the end, Shabranigdu USES precisely those loving attachments to isolate Rezo, by perverting their purity, and breaking his loved ones WITH HIS OWN HANDS. What better way to demoralize a good person than to make them SEEM to choose being a monster? There are actual contemporary scientific studies that prove that one of the best ways to torture prisoners of war is to make them torture others. It dehumanizes them, renders them weapons, and lowers their resolve to fight back. This is what happened when Rezo took Zelgadis’s words “we need to do small evils for great good, and get stronger” and twisted them into an excuse to make Zelgadis a chimera–effectively alienating Zelgadis from the world just as Shabrranigdu had Rezo–as part of his research to cure his own eyes. (People reading this who have the “but he knew Zel could never be cured, and Evo-R proves that!” rebuttal, let me know, because I have a whole separate meta theory on that, which does not exonerate Rezo, but does cast serious doubt on the allegation that the chimera process can never be reversed). –Rezo does terrible evils (the other big whoppers are creating and experimenting on a clone of himself, and deliberately spreading a disease to an isolated kingdom to take advantage of its ill as test subjects). But, and while this isn’t a make it or break it thing, he lso more than once shows genuine contrition for the evil he has done, when it will benefit him in no way to do so. This is rare, and sometimes it is on the tail end of a lot of emotionally manipulative bargaining and self-justification (borne primarily of pride), but he has either apologized or openly acknowledged that his choices were evil and unconscionable, on both the occasions that he was confronted by the heroes for his choices. –People who dislike Rezo like to say “he only started his white magical career to try and heal his own eyes!” to which I answer: yes, and? The subsequent entire life he spent healing people while continuing to master other magics to heal himself were not mandatory. No one was forcing Rezo to share his findings with others. That was an act of selflessness. –Both times that Shabranigdu is reborn out of Rezo (which…rips apart his body, fun times) and he realizes it, he helps the heroes kill Shabranigdu, and without him they would have failed to do so. Which. You know. BIG INDICATION that he’s not, at heart, a bad guy lol. –Rezo plans ahead to try to do damage control for potential collateral, when he does selfish and reckless things. It’s usually not enough, and he puts new meaning to the word “quixotic.” But it still matters for the purposes of your question. For instance, when he finally breaks down and chooses to resurrect Shabranigdu, he plans to create an arguably evenly-matched creature called a “Zanaffar” with which to kill the demon the moment he gains vision. He also creates laboratories deep underground so that explosions can be contained and do less damage to the surrounding area. He also thinks (wrongly) that he can heal all the people in Taforashia before they die, once he can see. Rezo’s fatal flaw in all these cases is to assume, out of desperation, that he is capable of more than any one human being ever could be.

Which is not good or evil, really, but HUMAN: pulling us back toward a consistent, perennial theme of Slayers, that humans are flawed but redeemable creatures, neither gods nor demons, who exist to maintain the *balance* of the cosmos (the true plan, according to Xelloss, of the most powerful of all beings, referred to as LoN).

–People expect too much of Rezo, which I think was a genuine, conscious point the Slayers writers wanted to make.

It doesn’t excuse anything he did that was evil. At the same time, there are two ways to dehumanize a person. One is to vilify them.

The other is to idolize them. Zelgadis idolized Rezo. Eris idolized Rezo. Pokota idolized Rezo. And Rezo took advantage of that, and that’s wrong. But think about that for a moment. It is wrong, on a moral level, to idolize a living person, and expect god-tier ethical purity at all times and under all forms of pressure. It is wrong, and it is hurtful. Sometimes it’s done out of naivety, sometimes emotional codependence, but in any case, it is wrong. I speak here from painful experience on the receiving end of idolization. It exerts impossible pressure on a person. And it is scary.

Hundreds of thousands of sick and disabled people idolized Rezo. They built statues and made paintings of him. They installed him as one of the “Five Great Sages”–literally the most revered of magical users/scholars of ALL RECORDED HISTORY. They threw so much money at him that he owned “several” mansions by the time of his death. Rezo was good at maintaining the facade of authoritative serenity. But my God, was it ever that: a facade. He was tired, angry, and afraid: so afraid that he once told his servant Ozel, in strictest confidence, knowing she would tell no one else, and in a tone of deep depression, “Sometimes I lose my sense of what it is to be a person.”

And don’t we all know the feeling, when we too are at a crossroads? Isn’t that HUMAN?

I genuinely believe the Slayers writers wanted the audience to sort of meta-replicate the feelings of Rezo’s disciples, and expect Rezo to be a saint, and then be horrified and angry when his worst actions proved seriously otherwise. And then by the end of the story, I think they were meant to realize, this was just a guy. This was just a guy who had the rough equivalent of Satan possessing his body and soul, a guy who was meant to be a healer but had his whole life rendered a farce because of his own soul’s attempt to keep a monster sealed inside. Rezo became a living prison for a demon, and he could not contain it. No one, in fact, who has served as the vessel of Shabranigdu has been able, ultimately, to resist him.

#Rezo the Red Priest #Slayers Week #Rezo #Rezo Greywords

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centaurianthropology · 6 years ago

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The Magnus Archives ‘Remains to Be Seen’ (S04E07) Analysis

A hell of a statement, a follow-up to the beginning of things, and an ill-advised visit. Come on in to hear what I have to say about ‘Remains to be Seen.’

This was a hell of a statement. Hell of an episode, really. I know Jonny likes his historical statements possibly the best of all, and this is a follow-up of ‘Schwartzwald’. After some decent statements and some general depression in the meta-plot, I was seriously happy to not only get some movement in a spookier and less wholly depressing direction in the meta plot, but also to get probably my favorite statement so far this season.

This time, it’s less ‘Count Magnus’ and more a sadder version of ‘Dracula’ at play. It seems that Albrecht von Closen restored the books he found in the tomb in ‘Scwartzwald’, what many of us had considered an Archive prior to the one in London (and after the one in Alexandria). Poor Albrecht quickly found himself being ‘read’ by the books, fed story after story and horror after horror. In essence, he was instantly coopted as the first Archivist of the modern era.

And he was lined on the inside, every bit of him, with eyes (which is an extremely Bloodborne image). And so, I imagine, is Jon. The more he grows and learns, the more eyes on the inside he acquires, looking in and looking out.

And Jon knows he’s changing. He heals far too quickly. He wasn’t killed by the blast that killed both Tim and even Nikola. He knows things whenever he needs them. He has a dam in his head, but behind it is an ocean of knowledge, pressing in on him, threatening to overwhelm him. Holding onto his humanity sounds like a genuine struggle under all that weight.

It also sounds as though there’s very little way out for a budding Archivist. Returning the books to the mausoleum didn’t help Albrecht. Returning the books simply killed the would-be Archivist, or whatever was in the stone coffin killed him. It also sounds as though Albrecht either returned the wrong books (having been bound and swapped out by Jonah Magnus while he filled his own first attempt at an Archive), or that as Albrecht read, the pages went blank and he absorbed their stories.

But given that we have an Institute, I think it’s likely to be the former. Jonah Magnus, desperate to establish himself as something in the supernatural community, leaped at the opportunity to get his hands on this collection. Hell, it even seems like he was trying to establish a space for these books that was already aligned with the Beholding, if his clear connection to Millbank Prison is any indication. I have to wonder if he and Smirke worked directly together, or if Smirke didn’t care one way or the other about who utilized what he built, so long as it created that balance he hungered for so much.

Whatever Jonah’s intent in clearing out the space in or under Millbank, and establishing this first Archive, it cost his friend’s death. Did he know? Did he care? Was Jonah more like Jon, who still has those he cares about die, but doesn’t want it to happen, or was he more like Jurgen Leitner, viewing everyone around him as expendable fuel to brighten his own ascent to knowledge and power?

I have the terrible feeling, given what we know happened with Barnabas Bennett and others, that he was far more a Leitner. And that a great many people died in the establishment of the Institute.

And a great many more continue to die or suffer. Jon knows it. Basira knows it. Melanie is shattered in a way that may not be reparable. She can apologize, but taking the Slaughter out of her may have left her defenseless in ways she wasn’t before.

And Martin is in an even worse position than we thought. His mother died shortly after Jon’s coma started, and I really have to wonder how much of a hand Peter had in that. Peter singled Martin out from the beginning, even in last season. He’s the only person Peter will appear to, and Peter seems bound and determined to sever every tie Martin has to the world. His mother’s gone, perhaps helped along by Peter. Jon was gone, and now Martin’s been convinced that whatever his plan is, it requires him to stay away from Jon. It seems like a terrible idea. It seems like Martin both knows he’s being manipulated by Peter, but might not know how much.

Either way, the one person Jon ought to talk to is the one person being deliberately held out of his reach. But Jon, in a twist of events that I didn’t see coming, is actually trying to just gather information and help his friends right now. He’s making good decisions.

Which, unfortunately, means other people have to make bad decisions for him. And so Basira goes to Elias for help. I really feel like having Elias finally appear in a Jonah Magnus statement is fitting. They’re the same, he and Jonah. I doubt that Jonah was ever the Archivist. The Archivist is ridiculously powerful, yes, but seems more dispensable than Jonah wanted to be. I think he carved out a position he considered unique (though it had almost certainly existed before, and would exist again) in order to watch over the Archives and the Archivist. He created the Institute. He wanted more than just to serve it.

No, Jonah wasn’t the Archivist sort. He was the Head of Institute sort.

And Elias is just as ambitious. He wants the Watcher’s Crown to happen, and I really don’t think he trusts Peter to see that through for him. So instead, with Peter having snatched up Martin, Elias is getting to work on Basira. He’s playing on her own need to protect people, her fear that while they saved Melanie as a person, they’ve lost her as a fighter. Basira, just like Martin, is convinced that she has to act to protect the others, and rather than talking to them and planning with them, she ran to the most powerful being she could lay hands on.

All Elias wants to do is talk, and all he wants her to do is listen? Terrible idea. Elias’ words are his weapons. So long as he can speak, he can twist reality around himself. Even more than Peter, who seems to require Martin’s willing cooperation, Elias can blackmail and emotionally bludgeon people into submission.

And I imagine he can manipulate with far more proficiency than Peter too.

Now I’m really worried about Basira. I had thought it would be Jon or Martin keyed in to kick off the Watcher’s Crown, but Basira seems far more lined up for it now. She’s clever, but Elias is wily and vicious. He knows she’s desperate. He knows that Peter has her isolated and scared. He knows that seeing Melanie needy and far too much like Daisy is leaving Basira vulnerable, loath though she would be to admit it. So he’s going to stick the knife in and twist. He’s going to go after her, and plant ideas in her head.

I get the horrible feeling that, if Basira really does start the Watcher’s Crown, she’ll honestly think it was her idea. Elias talked about just needing her ‘time’, and I fear that has a lot more implications than just a chat. He does love wordplay. Could he steal time from her lifespan, or channel it into power? Could he convince her that she could save the others with it (and likely, she could), but it also is a major step toward the Watcher’s Crown?

Or, he’s taking her time literally, as in taking the time she has as herself. If Elias and Jonah are the same in a literal as well as metaphorical way, Jonah may be planning to jump from Elias’ body to Basira’s.

I hope she has ideas and ways that will keep her safe from Elias, but working with him is a deal with the devil. And I definitely think she may get burned.

We’ve now got two potential major threats set up: the rise of the new power, which is supposedly what Peter and Martin are working on, and the Watcher’s Crown, which Elias has been working on, and which he may have just subconsciously recruited Basira to help with. And between them we have Jon, who’s just trying to keep himself from drowning.

Shit’s finally starting to move. After being trapped in the emotional doldrums for the last few episodes, I’m honestly excited to see where things are going again. Bringing Elias back in is always welcome, because the man is the antithesis of emotional stasis. He’s got plans, and he pushes things forward. And right now, Jon and his team need something big to shock them out of their own wallowing, and back into something resembling trust and working together. I fear that it may require a genuine world-ending-level threat to do it, but I do believe that Jon, Basira, Martin, and Melanie have reparable relationships. And right now they all need one another more than ever. They have nothing outside the Archives. All other allies have other motives and are more likely than not to use and discard them. Having these four finally gel as a team is honestly all I want out of this season.

But in the meantime? I’m so glad the smarmy villainous asshole that is Elias Bouchard is back in play. As worried as I am for Basira, for the story, he’s just what we needed. Peter’s too vague and too nebulous a threat to seem frightening right now, and his saccharine sweet manipulations make him a less likeable villain for me. Also, his entire focus is to target the weak, the lonely, and the emotionally vulnerable.

Elias’ sort of villainy, on the other hand, is direct. He likes to target the clever, those so confident in their own abilities that they never see their own downfall. Vulnerability, if anything, bores him. Martin being as weak and as lovesick as he was made him beneath Elias’ notice. Martin’s ability to use that against Elias is commendable, but it’s also commendable that Elias most of the time lets vulnerable people to their own devices. He let Basira do what she liked as long as she played hostage. He roped Melanie into the job, but didn’t stifle her decisions until those decisions directly threatened his life too many times for him to ignore.

In other words, Elias’ villainy is fair, in a way. Or at least he manipulates people who ought to know better. It’s the sort of villainy to make me grin from ear to ear. Because he really is rather decent to his employees, and treats those not standing in his way with courtesy. He keep things running smoothly, and wants to end the world on his own time and not interfere with his paperwork. He manipulates Jon, yes, but in such a way that Jon knows it’s happening and will do what Elias wants anyway. Elias’ need to show off and demonstrate how smart he is actually means he’s less underhanded than Peter.

And the way Elias treats Jon? Or even Melanie during her early attempts at his life? The way he talks to Basira? It sounds almost … fond. Not the solicitous faux-concern of Peter, but a genuine delight in everyone’s fumbling attempts to foil him.

Peter once said that Elias was too protective of his people, and I think that in a weird way that’s true. He won’t let any of them stand in the way of his ultimate goals or even his own power, no, but so long as that’s not the case, he treats them surprisingly well. Especially seeing how quickly everything’s gone to shit under Peter, it makes Elias’ presence even more missed. Elias will stab you in the back, but he really would prefer to stab you in the face. He wants to do you that courtesy.

And so, yeah. Very glad that ‘Stellar Firma’ isn’t going to be depriving us entirely of Ben Meredith’s presence on this podcast. The team seems to get stuck in their own misery without him to provide a clear and present asshole to work against, and so Elias, both as an antagonist and as a team-building exercise, is more than welcome back.

#The Magnus Archives #analysis

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aviationfiction · 6 years ago

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XXXIV

Dante St. James

“Holy shit. It looks amazing in here.”

Stacey’s eyes widened in awe as she slowly walked through the foyer from the door and eventually stopped at the living room. Though the smirk on Mike’s face was one of teasing and slight sarcasm, even he looked on in amazement at the holiday spectacular that my fiancée has morphed my apartment into. She began the process the day after Thanksgiving and spent countless hours between then and the first of December putting every single aspect of it together with whatever minimal help that she needed from me. My only purpose as her handyman was to use my height to her advantage when she didn’t feel like climbing the ladder to reach something. The Balsam Hill website transformed her into a kid in a candy store and she clicked away at whatever was needed to make her fantasy of turning this place into her own version of the perfect holiday imagery and despite my protests, it was all done out of her pocket. The beginning of her efforts started with a fifteen foot pre-lit Aspen Fir tree that perfectly mirrors a living tree without the nature like whiff. I hadn’t noticed how high my ceilings were until that colossal tree was carried in here by eight different delivery men. They’d even given her a free ladder for what would be an exhausting experience in my opinion. Her adrenaline pumper to get it done? Anything Motown Christmas. Rather than the traditional red and green, her vision was silver and gold as Burl Ives sings it. Everything from the ornaments, tree picks, ribbon, and garlands followed that color palette and gave the tree some much needed life. Underneath the tree, she opted for a crimson velvet tree skirt. Over on the entertainment center was illuminated garland and a family of six polar bears. Hanging from their feet were six crimson velvet Christmas stockings with Autumn, Dante, Michael, Fredrick, Stacey, and Kaylee written on their upper flap. I think I fell even more in love with her after seeing that. On the apartment door is a wreath similar to the garland. My place hasn’t experienced the holiday season to this capacity…ever and despite my playful resistance early on, it’s nice to see.

“Yo, you really are married now. I bitched about your house looking worse than the Grinch’s crib for years and yet you still put that bitch ass Charlie Brown Christmas tree on the table. You get a girl, put a ring on her finger, and now it’s looking like Santa’s Workshop threw up in here. What the fuck?” Of course he would start with his complaints about my decorating. I’ve never felt compelled to decorate because I live alone. What is the point of throwing up decorations all over the place for only myself to glance at? Christmas is a family holiday. The mild depression that I’ve always experienced around this time of year would have worsened and I would have likely been finding toxic ways to numb the emotions. So that little tree, that Autumn amusingly threw away, was my acknowledgement of the holiday without going overboard.

“Well, you know what the power of the P will do.” Stacey’s vulgar statement earned a quick side eye from me as Mike erupted into more chuckling than necessary.

“Anyway, what’s bring y'all by?”

“Where’s the wife to be?” She hadn’t even given me the proper greeting and here she is already asking for Autumn.

“She’s not here. Why?”

“I’ve come with venue options for the engagement party.” Engagement party? Neither Autumn or myself have discussed anything wedding related with anyone in particular and after the speculative bullshit that Richard has fed to the media, and I’m not quite sure we will be. We’re caught in this weird space of her wanting me to make amends with my relatives so that they’ll be able to be apart of all of the wedding festivities and anything else we intend to do with our lives after it and yet, the behavior of my paternal parent has irritated her and left her conflicted on whether any of that is a good idea or not. Then there’s me, who couldn’t care less about their presence. So, an engagement party? I can already foreshadow the disagreements that will happen when mapping out a guest list. The thought of it sounds nice, but executing it? Even God will have a migraine.

“That’s really why you’re here?”

“That’s not the only reason why. We were out holiday shopping. Mike’s my designated driver since the husband has my car and I refuse to drive that monstrosity that he calls an SUV. We decided to drop by after lunch. I bought you pasta from the Cheesecake Factory.” She held up the bag in the midst of her stride to my kitchen and I glanced over at Mike, who playfully rolled his eyes.

“I’ve been her designated driver since eight this morning. I’m tried as hell.”

“Oh shut up. It’s only noon. You’re getting practice for whenever your too cool for school ass finally settles down with one of those young short skirt wearing legal secretaries around your office.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I dealt with a paralegal or two and y’all are turning it into me being a serial dater of people who work around me. I would never give myself that type of headache. You’re giving me flack and Dante’s literally marrying his corporate flight attendant. He mixed the shit out of business and pleasure.” Though I didn’t want to laugh to give him the satisfaction of getting that joke off, I couldn’t help it. While there is no comparison because he’s falsifying that one or two estimation, the mixing business with pleasure part is funny. I suppose I did, but it’s a regret that I don’t have.

“So how is everything after that bullshit that Richard pulled last week? I know we spoke briefly about it but you didn’t give me enough detail.”

“I don’t know, honestly. I know that I’m pissed off but I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of retaliation. As far as Autumn, she’s indifferent about it. She’s been extremely busy with that holiday party, so she’s been in Jersey a lot since then. She dropped by here yesterday evening because she was already in Manhattan and she made dinner. We talked about it some more and she seemed to be alright. Per usual, she was far more concerned with what I’m feeling rather than her own emotions. She went to bed around nine. She’s been tired all this week.”

“Pregnant?” My hands halted from the task of untying the bag and both of my eyebrows instantly raised at such a random question. Mike’s curious posture worsened the odd tension that suddenly arose in the room as he idly leaned against the counter and mischievously smirked while awaiting an answer.

“I just told you that she’s working crazy hours on a Christmas party and pregnancy is what you make of that? It doesn’t make sense Stace.”

“But lets just say that she is pregnant. What would you do?” Yet again, Mike and I made eye contact and he was seemingly far more curious about whatever my answer may be more so than Stacey and I’d be a fool if I stood here pretending to be clueless as to why. Though it is her who brought it up this time, he’s tossed it at me as a hypothetical more than once in the midst of a number of our conversations and though I wouldn’t say that he did it to inflict fear within me, it happened either way. I don’t fear starting a family with Autumn. I fear not being capable of protecting her through nine months of a vulnerable state and then the life we created together after the fact.

“I would do what I’m supposed to do; take care of her and prepare to be a father. Did you assume that I would do something else?”

“Of course not. That’s not who you are. That question is more so for how things are right now. I know you’d rather not have a baby here, right?”

“In New York? Location has nothing to do with anything.”

“Word. People make places ugly. It never has anything to do with location.” I nodded in agreement with Mike’s follow up and pulled the plastic container out of the bag.

“I would love to be settled in California when we conceive a child. That’s the goal. If life throws some sort of a curve ball and it happens before then, then we’ll be fine. More than anything for me, I’d prefer we be settled and not have to worried about getting there in the midst of preparing to have a baby and Autumn’s in a place of wanting to make sure she has certain things together on her end before she can focus on motherhood.”

“That’s understandable. Is a wedding going to happen before the move and everything that Autumn wants to do?”

“If I could, I’d marry her tomorrow. We have a date for next year that we discussed, but the problem is the outside factors. For as long as you two and Fredrick are at the wedding and maybe Camille, I couldn’t give two shits about anyone else who attends for the sake of me. She can invite her entire family, all of her friends, and anyone else she feels compelled to have there. All I need is the four of you and I’m straight. She’s not okay with that. She’s pushing for me to at least make some kind of a reconciliation with my mother and I can’t force that no matter how hard I try. I’d love to do that for her, but that’s the thing. She doesn’t want me to do it for her because it wouldn’t be genuine. She’s insists that I need to do it for myself.”

“Because despite what you all are going through, you only get one set of parents. Don’t get me wrong, your parents are fucked up. I’ll never deny that because it would be a slap in your face. Richard is who he is and that who he’s going to be until his body is lifeless and cold. As for your mother, I think there’s potential there. She loves you. She’s had a screwed up way of showing it in the midst of dealing with the whirlwind of bullshit that she caused within her own life, but the love is there. I think she’s witnessed that and believes bridging that gap may be good for you. I don’t think it’ll hurt.” Of course he’d agree with her. They’re all extremely family driven and despite all of the good they’ve done while being apart of my life, none of them will ever be able to fill certain voids. It’s unrealistic to put that kind of pressure on any of them, including Autumn. I may not say it or show it, but I love my mother. I’m not sure if it’s because I feel obligated to out of honor for her birthing me or if it’s naturally emotionally driven, but the love is there. More than any apology, I at least deserve some acknowledgement of the manner in which I was dismissed. It’s the only sensible method to move forward because I can’t play catch up with a woman who deliberately missed out on so much of my life when she didn’t have to. I wasn’t shipped off to the next of kin because we were financially struggling. She wasn’t some drug addict or alcoholic mother who was so caught up in her addictions that they overshadowed my presence. I wasn’t a misfit kid who would rather be running the streets and looking for every possible troublesome outcome to avoid living a structured life at home. Selfishness was the driving force behind every decision that she made and she doesn’t deserve to breeze on by without admitting to it all because she suddenly sees me.

“Maybe some day it’ll happen. I don’t….”

I paused mid sentence at the sound of the door opening and though it wasn’t the typical sound of heels, I could hear Autumn’s feet dragging against the flooring.

“Yo.”

“Yo.” As she called back out to me, she inched closer to the kitchen and finally appeared in the doorway for all to see. The usual glamour that she exudes was scaled down to a grey Ralph Lauren sweatsuit, a Moncler coat, hat, and scarf, and surprisingly a pair of blue Ugg boots that left me beyond amused. I never thought I’d see her in a pair of those clunky boots in my lifetime and yet here she is proudly in a pair and bundled up against the thirty degree weather outside. Even in the comfort wear, she looked stunning and yet adorable in the midst of it. The only make up on her face was lip gloss and that took about ten years off of her actual age.

“Esmeralda. What’s up?”

“Hey Mike. What’s up Stacey?”

“Hey gorgeous. How are you?”

“Tired.” She made her way to them one by one for the hugs that they were awaiting and I was left with her pressing her lips into my own for a longing kiss. After that, I was fine with her lack of a verbal greeting for me.

“I’m starving.”

“You want this pasta? I can just eat the leftovers from what you made last night. That’s what I was planning to do anyway.” As she opened the fridge, her eyes panned in the direction of the plastic container I was pointing at.

“Are you sure? I can just eat one of these greek yogurts and call it a day honestly.” I quickly nodded my head to her question. “Besides, I have to grab my shoes and head back to Jersey. I left my pumps over here last week and I need them for tonight.”

“Yeah. Come and eat this. What time do you need to be back at the venue tonight?” Rather than giving her the plastic fork that was already in the bag, I grabbed a silver one out of the drawer.

“Well, cocktail hour starts at seven, so I figure that I’ll be back by six. I made sure I crossed every T and dotted every I before I walked out of there this morning. I refuse to have to return this afternoon and be scrambling. I don’t even have the energy for that. I already have a headache from this morning.”

“I have some wings in here. I only ate like two of them. You can have those too.” Her eyes immediately lit up at Mike’s offering.

“It’s only noon. So, why don’t you eat the food and take a nap? You can sleep until like three. You have the car, so you can drive into Jersey as soon as you wake up and get ready from there. I think you can make it back in time by six.”

“No, it’s alright. I’ll just eat the pasta and I’ll head back in a few.”

“You need some sleep. Take the nap. I’ll be up, so I will make sure you’re up in time to make it back to Jersey. Why don’t you go to the room, take your stuff off, and lay down now. I’ll warm this up and bring it to you. What do you want to drink?”

“Water is fine.” As she turned to walk away, a part of me was surprised that she didn’t put up one of her stubborn protests. Maybe she’s just that damn tired. She claims that after this party, she has nothing else that is physically or mentally draining to do and I’m holding her to that. She’s been starting her mornings early and ending her nights later than normal because of it.

“You’re such a good husband.” Mike’s tease came with my middle finger instantly being pointed up, while Stacey snickered at yet another moment that they were able to goad me about. It’s never going to end. They’ve been anticipating the day when I’d fall in love because it seemed like hell freezing over was more of a sure thing for a long time. Despite the jokes, I know it all comes from them being proud.

“Since we’re on the husband topic, back to the engagement party. Seriously, I’m thinking it should be at The Rainbow Room or in Brooklyn at The William Vale. Maybe Gotham Hall?” I’ve been to different events at all of those venues she mentioned and the only thing that came to mind was the magnitude in size. Those are venues you book when you’re planning to have five hundred or more guests showing up to whatever you’re celebrating.

“It’s an engagement party. How many people do you think we’re inviting?” As I placed the container into the microwave and put the timer on two minutes, she loudly huffed with a shrug of her shoulders.

“Maybe two to two hundred and fifty.”

“Hell no.” Both Mike and I responded in unison. He knew that I wouldn’t get on board with that no matter how many times she batted her eyes and lightened her tone. That would be a social nightmare.

“Come on. You can’t just leave out everyone at the company. There are so many people there who love and admire you Dante. Be fair.”

“And they’d be there to fill seats and for the free food and drinks. They admire the work I do, not the man that I am. They don’t know me and I’d prefer to keep it that way. There are a few that I wouldn’t mind being there, but two hundred and fifty people? That’s going too far for an engagement party. If anything, it should be a nice dinner somewhere with no more than twenty or thirty people.”

“Twenty or thirty? Are you kidding me?”

“You think he’s kidding?”

“Dante, seriously?”

“Seriously. Find a dinner party venue and then run those options by me.”

“If that’s the case, we can just do it at Baraya. You all have one of the most beautiful restaurants in the city.”

“Sounds like a plan to me. We can get a decorator to do a couple of floral arrangements for some tables. Everything else we can do on our own. Cheap and yet effective.” Mike’s frugal idea instantly made me laugh. He can be somewhat of a Bargain Betty when he wants to be. The man makes over six figures a year and yet for the most part, he does his best to live a simple life. I always joke with Fredrick that Mike may be the wealthiest one out of all of us because he’s not really the splurging type unless the moment calls for it or for his mother. Fredrick’s flashy. Me? I’d like to think I’m moderate but for my baby? I’d break the bank on whatever.

“Nah, we’d have to turn Bayara into some sort of a vision. We’re going to need way more than just a couple of floral arrangements. I like the idea though. We’ll see what happens.”

“We’ll see what happens? We need to lock down these details soon.”

“We have time.” As soon as the microwave stopped, I removed the container and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. My short jog to the bedroom was met with Autumn carefully placing her coat down on the ottoman in the closet.

“You want the TV on?”

“No.” As I placed everything on the nightstand, she walked out of the closet and plopped down on the bed. My next move was to remove her Ugg boots and place them at the foot of the bed.

“Did you find your shoes?”

“Yeah, I put them in my bag. Thank you.” It didn’t long for her to dig into the pasta. I doubt she’ll finish all of it but more than half should be doable. It’ll probably be all that she has on her stomach for the rest of the night since she decided to work at the party rather than simply attending it.

“Am I going to see you tonight?”

“What do you mean?”

“Am I going to see you or am I going to only catch glimpses of you from around the room out of the corners of my eyes? I was thinking maybe we can have a drink together or something. Maybe have a dance or two? I know you’re going to be working and it’ll be a lot, but squeeze me in if you can. I’m not asking you to make any promises. It’s just awkward for us to be in the same room with one another with little to no interaction despite it being a work night for you.” There’s a part of me that believes she’s going to keep her distance because of the New York Post article and the extended coverage on the internet which has put us in an awkward space publicly. We’ve gone from living in this world where it’s just she and I with a chosen few who are aware of what we share to millions of people speculating and making the most absurd assumptions. There’s this weird presumption that she and I are some sort of fling. In the pictures, her hands are resting in her lap and in the one shot when we’re standing, her arm was extended behind my back so there were no glimpses of the ring. Despite that, why would I take a fling to an event of that magnitude? I know that’s the narrative Richard is trying to convince himself of so that I’ll remain under his wing and the driving force behind the company. Now he’s pushing it beyond that narrow-minded mind of his. Tonight, I’m pushing back.

“We’ll have a drink tonight. I’m sure at some point, I’ll take a break.”

“Alright.”

“Thank you for the pasta.”

“It’s no problem. Enjoy it.”

I left her to the privacy she needed and closed the door behind myself so that whatever noise coming from the kitchen didn’t disturb the nap that I’m not even sure she’s going to take. Often time, her stubborn nature holds strong, even in opposition against what she needs. More than anything, I’d rather she be well rested for the task that’s head of her tonight. Though I don’t know what the holiday party will consist of aside from the basics, I trust that her family has a lot more class than my own. I don’t expect any ridiculous speeches from neither Isaac or Silas about the family and if they do give a word or two, at least whatever statements are said will have mindfulness and a genuine tone behind them. I doubt Lillian will hound either one of us about wedding plans that are yet to be because she has absolutely nothing else to speak about. Most of all, I’ll be able to let my guard down. I don’t have to worry about being on alert to verbally or physically rip someone apart for even the slightest bit of disrespect towards me and most of all, towards her.

“Yo, you got some cuff links that I can borrow? Let me get the ones with the blue gems in them. I don’t know where I put my favorite pair and the next favorite pair that I have belong to you.”

But I will have to deal with Mike’s antics. I suppose that should be the easy part.

"So word has been traveling around about my potential move to L.A. and I’ve gotten a couple of phone calls. Manatt, Phelps, & Phillips called, I have a couple of e-mails from Greenberg Traurig, and Ziffern Brittenham reached out too.

“These are all tier one firms?” Once I was finally able to switch lanes, I turned off my blinker and slightly turned down Outkast’s Aquemini album. The traffic on I-95 S in Jersey had finally picked up in pace. While Autumn was asleep, I’d already called Marv to come and drive her home so that she wouldn’t have to drive while sleepy. I wish I hadn’t of woken her up from that nap because she couldn’t mask her grumpiness no matter how hard she tried to. Even the kiss she gave me as she walked out of the door was half assed and I could do nothing other than chuckle.

“Yeah. I believe so. I just don’t think I’m interesting in partnering with another firm whether they’re giving me name partner upon hiring or not. It’s a lot of politics that goes into that shit, especially when you’re walking in the door with perks that internal lawyers are busting their ass for. They immediately walk around with this chip on their shoulders while looking at you like you’re this designer suit wearing fuck boy who stepped on all of their toes to get a position that they deserve. I don’t care what anyone has to say but at the same time, I’m in a place where I feel like I don’t need to pet people in order to cease tension within a firm and I’m not playing a game of who can bust one another’s balls the best when it comes to power and rank amongst partners. I’m not even being cocky when I say that I’ve had far too much success to concern myself with that.”

“That’s why it’s time to branch out on your own and start your own firm. You’ve outgrown what’s being offered to you. You have enough clout and pull to snatch up a couple of hot shots from well known firms around this country, but I also know that we’re alike when it comes to giving people to chance to grow, show, and prove themselves to be the greatness that the future needs so I know your interns and first year selections will be good and just as great.”

“That's probably the most important part to me brother.”

“That’s how it should be.”

Autumn chose The Palace at Somerset Park as the venue for tonight’s festivies. Initially, she had ten different places in mind and I remember the headache she’d given herself over the course of a couple of days to narrow it down to the best three. After a numbers game, she eventually settled on the forty thousand dollar price tag simply to book The Palace. All of the extra perks that she added in there continued to raise the price by the thousands and I’m not even sure what was spent on the decorating team she hired to execute her Winter Wonderland theme. Despite her nonchalance about it, between everything she did for Heather’s wedding and now this party, I was exposed to yet another talent of hers that she doesn’t even recognize. I don’t believe I’ve come across another woman who can successfully dip her hands into many jars like Autumn can. I’m always in awe of her.

“So, that gentlemen in a blonde wig on BET ran with an escort story today. You want me to send out a statement or two? Maybe a couple of threats of legal action for defamation of character?”

“If you do that, it would just be me feeding into his bullshit and showing him that I’m uncomfortable.”

“But aren’t you? How is Autumn reacting to all of this?”

“We had a back and forth about it when we woke up to it initially and that was it. As I said earlier today, she’s been consumed with this party so I haven’t been able to observe her reactions or to pick her brain about most of it. I’m fucking frustrated because this route he’s resorting to is low as fuck. It’s a divide and conquer through she and I. He’s going to keep applying pressure for her to crack more so than myself. He’s well aware that I’m not going to abandon my relationship and the future I want on the behalf of anyone, let alone a family that I already struggle with claiming as my own, so he’s targeting her. He’s assuming it’s but so many attacks that she and her family will be able to take. It’ll feel just as repetitive as the media nightmare that was her relationship with that coach.” A hint of chills trickled up my arms at the reality of the comparison. The last thing I need is her folks viewing me as a toxic presence in her life. They may not have been able to access Andreas enough to get him out of the picture before everything went to shit, but they’ll never allow something like that to happen again. Hell, just Lillian’s protective nature alone lets me know that she’ll take me down in any way possible whether it’s my fault or not.

“Look, you know better than I do, that there’s a lot of underhanded shit going on, so you need to get the hell out of there. At this point, you’ve involved someone else in this. With marriage comes a vow of protection. No matter what you have me doing, you better be able to hold up your end of that.”

“I’m handling it.”

“The more I dig and ask questions, the more I’m realizing that eventually, I’m going to run into something that’s going to be explosive. I feel you’re trying to figure out which wire to clip to prevent a ticking time bomb from detonating and I’m trying to do everything that I can to influence you to say fuck it, get away from it, and let it explode however it does. You’ve saved them from far more than they’ve ever deserved. You’ve put that company on your back and have catapulted them to new heights year after year. What do you get in return aside from revenue and acclaim from Bloomberg, The Wall Street Journal, or some other business insider platform? If you’re finally putting your mental health first, then walk away immediately man. I’m telling your this as your brother and as someone who has looked into more enough for you to know that this shit isn’t going to end well.”

"It’s on my mind every time I walk into that building. There are a couple of situations that I need to handle before I can began to withdraw from everything. There are trusted clients, open contracts, and a large number of relationships that I’ve built over the years that I have to accommodate and still do want to maintain even with a departure. It’s about respect more than anything else.”

“I know.”

“So that information that I sent you about the Malibu house. What is that looking like?” We glanced at one another and he took a minute to gather his thoughts about yet another request I’d given him.

“Let me keep working on that.”

I left it at that. I know him well enough to understand that if he’s still working on something, it’s going to happen whether it’s soon or with some time. If it were impossible, he would have told me already. Time isn’t something that is to be wasted, especially right now.

It seems to be of the essence more than ever.

Upon entry to the venue, it immediately felt like we stepped into a party straight out of the North Pole or somewhere deep within the arctic circle. We were surrounded by a sea of white draping from the high ceilings down to the high gloss marble flooring. Christmas trees layered every space that made sense while flocking and sparking white lights breathed an enticing life into the place. The snow machines and the LED lighting were the enhancements that took the ambiance from fun to extravagant.

“If Autumn did all of this, I can only pity your pockets when it comes time to plan the wedding. Look at that.” My eyes panned in the direction of his finger and landed on a towering LED wall with rotating images of snow in the forest, moonlight, and laser designs. It damn near made you feel like you were outdoors. An ensemble of twelve women danced us through the doors while about a twenty to twenty-five piece band played the most famous holiday tunes that we all know and sing along to for our pleasures. The line up of microphones on the stage are a sign that there’s a performance coming. Mike's right about the money that was poured into this. She definitely went into this without a care or concern about a budget but it looks damn good and with the way the champagne, wine, and spiked egg nog are floating around, this is sure to be a night to remember or…drunkenly forget. Either way, she worked damn hard to make it a fun night for all and one that will leave Isaac with acclaim and praise.

“She did an excellent job.”

As I pulled out the ghost chair to take my seat, my eyes met those of Lillian and she immediately smiled and raised her hand up to wave at me. As I responded with a wave of my own, I noticed she was making her way over and pushed the chair back in to remain standing out of respect for her presence.

“Dante. How are you? Give me a hug.” The hug was as endearing as it is when she wraps her arms around her own children and she planted a soft kiss on my forehead. She then reached for Mike.

“Why are you two sitting over here? You have a placement card at the family table.” I didn’t even think about seating arrangements when I approached this empty table. This isn’t what you would call a corporate gala or a dinner party so, a seating arrangement isn’t really key to making or breaking this evening.

“I didn’t know.”

“Well yes, come over. We’re sitting right up there.”

With all of the baseless nonsense circulating about the two of us in the rumor mill, I was sure that there would at least be one or two awkward moments between her loved ones and I, but my thoughts jumped the gun quite a bit. Instead, I was welcomed with open arms as they showered me with physical and verbal affection and carried on dialogue as if I’d been a member of the family my entire life. It seemed like the more sips of red wine Silas took, the more he elaborated on holiday memories they’ve shared over the years. Despite the bittersweet emotions swirling within everyone with every word that he spoke, we shared laughter over stories like Shane and Autumn’s failed attempts at making a snowman, Isaac needing stitches after a failed sledding prank between the siblings led to him falling off and hurting himself, and Autumn bailing on a Christmas recital in the middle of the show.

As for my lady? She never joined the table, not that I expected her to. Instead, I was left with glimpses of her beauty out of the corners of my eyes as she zipped around the room to greet and properly accommodate just about everyone who walked through those double doors. Whether it was the way her long midnight black tresses swayed with the subtle and yet natural switch in her stride or the way the lightning around the room illuminated her alluring green eyes, she captivated just about every being filled with testosterone and they lustfully ogled over her like wolves hunting prey no matter where she moved. A black pencil dress is hugging every curve her body has to offer and its length stopped mid-thigh to display her impeccable legs, which were further accentuated by her Louboutin covered feet. Instinctively, while my ears tuned in and out of the conversation happening around me, my eyes followed her as much as they were able to as she maneuvered around with a graceful smile on her face and a clipboard that I assume is filled with names and the itinerary for the evening. There seemed to be this transition from a glare of lust to one of pride as I constantly caught glimpses of her engagement ring glimmering on her left hand ring finger.

“Why don’t you just go over here instead of sitting here and torturing yourself by staring at her so hard.” I looked on as she showered Heather with a more than normal amount of love. There was a mutual excitement between the two of them that I couldn’t quite pinpoint, but the repeated motion of Autumn brushing her hand against her best friend’s stomach gave me somewhat of a hint. A glow illuminated from the both of them as they giggling all throughout whatever small conversation they were having and both walked towards the bar hand in hand to continue their banter.

“I’m about to head over there. You want a drink from the bar?”

“You know my preference. Appreciate it brother.”

By the time I stood and began to make my way through a crowd of people heading towards the dance floor, I’d lost track of Autumn once again. I’ve yet to witness a moment when she’s sat down and yet she’s continuing to trek around this place in those extremely high heels like a butterfly waltzing in the air.

“What can I get for you handsome?” My back straightened as the young bartender trailed her eyes over my chest and eventually stopped at my lips, which then evoked her to run her tongue over her own set. The tips of her fingers grazed the skin of the top of my hand and the smirk that slowly grew on her face easily matched the intense glare radiating from her eyes. Within seconds, my hands found their way into my pockets.

“Remy Martin XO if you have it.”

“Remy? That’s an interesting choice. Rich, velvety, and lingering. It goes down smooth and tends to creep up on you sometime throughout the night and next thing you know, you’re doing the unexpected. I’ve seen it happen to many people over the years.” The unexpected? My snicker was low but she didn’t miss it. She refused to miss anything, including every breath that I’m taking. She’d yet to take a step in the direction of the alcohol to seek what I requested.

“Really? Well, thankfully, it’s not for me.”

“It’s not?” Her weirdly drawn on brows went up in wonder while she pondered on where to go next with this one sided conversation.

“No.”

“Well, what can I get for you?”

“Remy Martin XO.” An additional glance toward her face allowed me to recognize her from Meridian. She’s the receptionist who always makes it her business to thoroughly explain the same exact details about servicing to me in a snail paced manner while leaning over the desk to be as close to my face as possible. If I counted out the number of women from both companies who have attempted their hand at getting to know me beyond seeing me walk in and out of the doors, I’d sound pompous and be labeled an asshole. Despite my lack of interest, I know they’ve been a playground for Matthew and the thought of dipping into anything or anyone behind him agitates me. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve had a taste of his father too.

“I’ll get that for you.” Rather than fixing the potent beverage at the back counter, she grabbed the bottle of it along with a glass, and she returned to the exact position she’d been in; on the opposite side of me with the bar’s counter serving as a barrier between our bodies.

“You enjoying yourself tonight?”

“Sure.” I shrugged. I am enjoying myself. It’s a great party. Based upon what Isaac mentioned, Boyz II Men are going to walk out on that stage within a couple of minutes and give us a full performance of Christmas hits to make it even better. Based upon the way they were ogling over Autumn in Vegas, I wouldn’t be surprised if they did the performance for free.

“I’ve always noticed you at the holiday parties but you always tend to tuck yourself into a corner somewhere and that’s where you stay. You never hit the dance floor. I see you’re at the Dupont table tonight, but you’ve still yet to hit the dance floor. You can’t be enjoying it that much.” She poured enough of the cognac in the glass to make it a double and slid it in my direction. Intentionally, her knuckles lightly grazed my own.

“Interesting observation. Maybe I’ll hit the dance floor at the next one.”

“You could always save a dance for me tonight.”

“Or me. How about you save a dance for me? I am like your sister after all.” Both our heads snapped in the direction of Heather’s tense voice. If looks could kill, the bartender would have been dead in an instant. Heather’s smirk was sinister. The more she leaned towards the bar, the further the woman on the opposite side of it leaned away from it.

“Of course I can save a dance for you. What’s up Heather?” I immediately threw am arm over her shoulder and drew her in so that we could share a hug and most of all, so she’d stop looking like she was a second away from lunging over the bar and attacking a woman who couldn’t keep my attention even while speaking to me.

“Nothing much. How are you?”

“All is well over here. How are you?”

“I’m alright. Happy to be back home. Miami is nice and I enjoy it, but I can’t front like I don’t love when I get time to come up here to the good ol’ cold and enjoy time with my families.” Most people tend to want to run away and stay away from the cold. She’s one of the first people I’ve heard who craves to feel it after having moved to a warmer climate.

“You’re spending the holiday up here?”

“Yes we lucked out. They’re playing the Knicks the day before Christmas Eve and they have no Christmas Day game. So, once he flies up here for the game, we get to stick around. Thank God. Despite my mental battle with having my folks fly down to me, I wanted to come up here because my Dupont family is here. I love them just as much as my own.”

“That’s what’s up. I’m sure Autumn is thrilled. She misses having you up here.”

“I know. I miss her just as much. That’s my right hand and sometimes I need a bit more than phone calls or FaceTime sessions sometimes. We were once inseparable but you know, the whole marriage to that piece of shit stopped that, and now I feel like we’re really working towards being like that again but with moderation of course. Back when we were in college, she transferred to UCLA to be with me. Mind you, this was after I considered transferring into NYU to be with her. I couldn’t take much more of those valley white girls. When she got married, we did hang out in Miami a lot. I’d fly down there to be with her often. I know she’d do the same for me now, but she has her own life and I’m thrilled for her. She has you. You stole my girl, but I’m okay with that.” With a nudge to my arm, she looked up at me with a smile as we stood along side one another observing the atmosphere. For the third time tonight, there was Mark Patelli standing directly in Autumn’s pathway while obnoxiously leering at her and finding unnecessary commentary to speak with her about. Every few seconds, his tongue would graze his barely there bottom lip while his eyes trailed over her entire frame. I get it. Autumn is the embodiment of everything that sex appeal is and is supposed to exude. She’s a prowess at entering a room and stealing the show without ever trying to do so. Heads turn with every move that she makes. Her smirk makes your heart jump and then the small smile that follows eventually causes it to melt. Her eyes. Shit. They’re enhancing and yet there’s this mysteriousness within them that immediately draws you into whatever part of her world she’s going to allow you into. She’s an enigma and yet like a Rubik’s cube, you cannot stop working to win her over in some kind of a way. In his case, it’s simply to be in her presence. As far the other hundred or more men in the room, it’s to get her to approach their table or maybe for a dance. Despite my understanding this, it doesn’t cease my thoughts to beat the shit out of every single one of them for staring at what’s mine in the same manner that I do. Mark is at the top of the list.

“Easy Tiger. She wants no one other than you. Mark never had a chance before you and he never will.” As if I were a once tamed animal now ready to pounce, Heather patted my back to soothe my thoughts.

“You know, she’s yet to say anything to me tonight.”

“I know. There’s a part of her that’s uncomfortable. I’m married to a NBA guy but Mario isn’t what people would call a hot shot or a star player. He’s not Lebron or Dwayne Wade. He’s no Kobe, Chris Paul, Stephen Curry, or any of those guys. He’s more of a role player and it works for him. TMZ isn’t hunting down information about him or whatever he and I have going on. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a chick or two try to come at me over him on social media but even that wasn’t blown up enough to get any coverage. Autumn on the other hand has gone from being painted as the “wild young girl” at UCLA who was fucking the head coach of the basketball team, to being the college dropout NBA wife “chasing the fast life”, to being the tossed away naive woman who “didn’t know any better and allowed a man to shit on her”, and now she’s the “gold digger rebounding with a hot shot business man”. Put yourself into her shoes and think about how you’d feel about that. She’s voiceless in this situation and she feels like it, because ultimately, what can she say or do? Yeah, people talk and it is what it is, but she doesn’t live her life in a manner for people to speak about her. She’s not clout chasing or seeking fame.” I couldn’t deny her point. I’m just as unnerved as she is about all of it and it’s not because we’re being spoken about because I couldn’t care less. It’s the context. The last thing I want her to feel is attacked and cornered but I know it’s what she’s dealing with mentally, though she won’t express it to me through conversation. I’ve sensed it in her distance from the topic at hand whenever we speak to one another and in her sudden choice to spend more nights in Jersey rather than at my apartment.

“I know. It does fuck with me that she feels that way but more than anything, she shouldn’t bottle it up. Once she’s inside of that head of hers, this happens. There’s she and I, and then this weird ass wall in-between us.”

“Break it down. That’s Autumn. She’s been that way ever since I’ve known her. The wall is her comfort zone. Shane would invade her comfort zones all the time and it’s why she learned so much from him. I do it to her when I have to. More than anything else, show her that it's you and her beyond whatever noise is surrounding you.”

“I hear you.”

“I was just talking about this with Autumn, but I figure I need to let you know this too. Autumn and I talked about our kids growing up together in the same manner that we did, so I’m going to need you to get on it. You need to hurry up and shoot up the club a couple of times, so that we won’t be that far apart.” Laugher instantly spilled out of me in response to the manner she chose to reveal her pregnancy in. Autumn did tell me about those type of conversations that we’ve had but to hear it from Heather is hilarious.

“Congratulations Heather.” Once again, we shared a tight hug and she poked my side as I released her.

“I meant what I said though. Get started on the babies. You two are going to be the coolest aunt and uncle slash godparents ever, but I want to be the thing. I want my chance.”

“I think we may miss this go round and we’ll have to catch up with you when you have your second baby. I can make a deal with you there. I can’t wait to have kids, but we have a lot going on and we still have a wedding to plan. Give us some time to get all of that handled and I have high hopes the babies will come soon after.”

“I’m holding you to that.”

“I got you.”

“And remember what I said. The love between you two is real. Don’t allow anyone or anything to get in-between that, especially some outside noise that doesn’t even matter. If anything, show them differently. Leave them with egg on their faces. You know I have y’all backs. I won’t hesitate to pop off on anyone or slap a bitch, like a bartender who doesn’t know her boundaries.” As she glanced back to seek her new found enemy, I nudged her shoulder.

“I know you do and we have your back just as much. There’s no need to slap anyone. You know who my mind is on and where I want to be no matter what.”

“Thank you for loving my friend.”

“If anything, I should be thankful that your friend loves me.”

As Boyz II Men took the stage, I return to the table and handed Mike his drink and was off to find Autumn. On my hunt, I grabbed two glasses of champagne off of a servers tray as he passed by and panned my eyes over the crowds of people until I spotted her standing near the entrance speaking with someone unfamiliar to me. My feet moved as swiftly as possible without me looking like a mad man so that I could reach her before she trekked to the other side of the room or somewhere within this vicinity and out of my view.

“Hello beautiful.” Maybe I should have waited until their conversation was over or maybe I should have properly interjected whatever they were saying to receive her attention, but I couldn’t help myself and didn’t care.

“Hi.” A gleam filled her eyes as she panned over my attire and I extended my arm to offer her the champagne flute. My attire for the evening had all been her choice. I assume she’s pleased with her work.

“That drink that we spoke about earlier.”

“Thank you.” Once it was in her hand, that allowed me to wrap an arm around her waist. “If you’ll excuse me Dr. Patel.”

Within seconds of us turning to walk away, that very drink I’d handed her went down her throat within one swallow and a flustered expression washed over her face as I looked on awaiting some type of interaction from her. Without knowing it initially, it seems like I stepped in with perfect timing to distract her from whatever was being said and yet I’m beyond curious about all of it because her reaction isn’t what I was expecting.

“My hand has been fucking with me tonight. Maybe it’s because I’m beyond tired.” As she lifted it within eyes view, I could see the tremor that typically makes itself noticeable whenever she’s dealing with stress or exhaustion. Often times, she’ll squeeze a stress ball for strength and training. “Dr. Patel noticed of course and she immediately jumped into that conversation we’ve had over and over again about allowing her surgeon friend to fix this issue with what she says is a simple operation. She’s not even my damn doctor, she’s my mother’s friend. Oh and then there’s that part that maybe, just maybe I’ll be able to return to school to go after my medical school dreams again but she certainly made it clear that I’d only be able to be a psychiatrist, dermatologist, or some kind of a general practitioner because I wouldn’t be able to do anything surgical since I have a fucked up hand.”

“Baby, you can do whatever the hell you want to do. Some stupid ass doctor’s opinion doesn’t change that.” If we weren’t at a party, I’d have no issue with approaching that short and stumpy doctor to repeat that same message to her. Everything that she’s faced hasn’t stopped her greatness from shining through despite her reluctance and insecurities. Despite everything, Autumn continues to prove that she’s destined for a greatness that not even she sees or understands right now. With my love for her aside, I’m in awe of her and I know it’s not without reason.

“One of the most renowned doctors in this fucking state? That opinion doesn’t matter?”

“I wouldn’t give a shit if it were Barack Obama’s opinion.”

“This goes back to our conversation from a few days ago. Everything just rolls off of your shoulders and is no big deal to you. This shrug and whatever mentality works for you and everyone else in this room, but it’s not going to work for someone like myself.”

“And why won’t it? You give too many fucks about what people have to say. How do you feel about yourself? That’s the most important question that you should ask yourself whenever the irrelevant opinions of others gets to you.”

“Right. So while Wendy Williams labeled me as your whore, I should have been staring in the mirror and asking myself that question?”

“Are you my whore?” A tightness eased into my chest as my shoulders tightened. Our brows arose in unison as she glared at me in the same manner I was at her. Though the question had absolutely no intention to insult her behind it, it irked me that I even had to ask it.

“What kind of fucking question is that?”

“Answer it. Are you?”

“I’m not.”

“Then who are you to me?”

“You know exactly what I am to you.” Her arms flared out in an exaggerated manner and loudly slapped into her sides as she huffed in clear irritation with the way this interaction is going. Good. Now she knows how I feel.

“But do you? Who are you to me?”

“Your fiancée.”

“My fiancée. The woman that I got down on one knee and asked to marry me. The woman who I love more than anyone and any got damn thing. Wendy whoever gets to spew bullshit and put a cloud of darkness over that? You’re so caught up in being mad about that instead of being within this room with me. All I’ve been doing is watching you walk around here without ever stepping over in my direction to give me a hello. If anything, you’re feeding into narratives that shouldn’t even exist in our world. You’re treating me like a stranger because people ignorantly accused us of being strangers who fuck one another. Now we’re standing here bickering back and forth over opinions that have absolutely nothing to do with either one of us when all I wanted to do was to approach you for a few minutes of your time.”

“Autumn!” Rachel exclaimed her name loud enough to turn our heads while catching the attention of a few others. With a clipboard in her hand, she adamantly waved her over for whatever task that needed to be handled.

“I have to go.”

“Sure. It’s not like we’ve had much interaction tonight to begin with. I can make a valid argument for the last week or so as well. You enjoying home?”

“We don’t live together.”

“A choice that you made.”

“And I’m working.”

“Another choice that you made. Was it so we didn’t have to attend this together?”

“You sound so stupid.”

“Do I?”

My question went unanswered. Instead, my line of vision was met with her back as she jogged in Rachel’s direction to tend to whatever she wanted or needed. Just as she did, I tossed all of the content inside of the champagne glass down my throat and left it on a nearby empty tray.

My final move was to wave Mike over so that we could make our exit.

I’d had enough of the party.

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scratchface · 6 years ago

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Ryoken has been really good for Yusaku, actually

Aka what canon says

This one is going to be pretty image heavy, because its probably been a while since most people have watched these scenes and I want there to be no doubt about what was actually presented to us as the audience.

The first part of my Yusaku character analysis discussed some of the darker aspects of the voice of hope, but ever since I feel like there has been some exaggerating of those same negative aspects. I wanted to rewind and talk about Yusaku’s canon feelings for Ryoken, and how they’ve affected him, his life, and his mindset in overwhelmingly positive ways.

To Yusaku, Ryoken represents hope. Hope for a future, for salvation, for victory. And that’s all essential in the life of someone as traumatized and withdrawn as Yusaku is.

From an outside, situation-based perspective, its easy to call Yusaku’s attachment to Ryoken unhealthy, but the reality the show presents us with is quite different. There’s more to it than just the miserable scenario those feelings were born in. Because both the writing of the show and Yusaku himself make it abundantly clear that Yusaku’s feelings for Ryoken have been nothing but good for him. In season 1, despite being an overall cold, distant, and cynical person, Yusaku still has an great deal of idealism. It’s what makes him still be heroic, even when he’s a clear-cut anti-hero. But that idealism is challenged and commented on all throughout season 1, and that’s the show itself calling Yusaku out. Take Spectre pointing out that Yusaku’s decisions have put everyone else in danger, or Akira telling Yusaku that his desire to not hurt anyone is getting in the way of the bigger picture. And Yusaku accepts both those things, and has to reevaluate where he stands on each.

Yusaku’s feelings towards the special person and his faith and devotion to them are the only part of Yusaku’s idealism that comes out of the first season intact and unchallenged. And that’s likely a deliberate choice by the writers to say: Yusaku’s feelings aren’t wrong or bad. There’s not even a suggestion that they’re in a moral grey zone or whatever; even if Yusaku’s desire to not hurt people while pursuing revenge is hypocritical and representative of him not being able to commit to one or the other, his feelings for the special person are not something that should be criticized.

Ryoken is essential to Yusaku’s ability to keep on living. Yusaku doesn’t have much in his life, especially after the Tower of Hanoi and the resolution of his revenge, and he knows it. During his final duel with Revolver, in the event of his victory, Yusaku knows exactly how empty a life he’s going back to: no family, no friends, no Ai.

Ryoken gives Yusaku something to aim for beyond his revenge, the “new path” Yusaku was talking about. It’s because Yusaku wants a future with Ryoken that he can continue living even with his mission accomplished. Yusaku’s feelings for Ryoken quite literally give him a reason to keep on living.

Yusaku looks to Ryoken when Ai mentions he has friends too, and then stands up saying there’s still things he wants to do. This isn’t just a matter of wanting to be friends with Ryoken and wanting to keep living: those two things are inseparably linked. If Yusaku fails they both die. Yusaku wasn’t just fighting for his own life, or the lives of everyone affected by the Tower, he was fighting specifically to save Ryoken’s life. That’s what gave him the strength to keep going, when Ai’s “stand up” mantra (mirrored by Kusanagi) had no effect.

Because of Yusaku’s unique and twisted perception of the world and the people around him, his connection to Ryoken is the “healthiest” relationship he has. It’s based on pure feelings of gratitude and appreciation, devotion, and forgiveness. We as the viewers see that Yusaku’s relationship with Kusanagi, Ai, and Takeru are also growing in and developing into something more typically supportive, but Yusaku himself never once acknowledges those relationships out loud. Kusanagi and others have brought up his bond with Yusaku a few times, but Yusaku has never and still calls Kusanagi an acquaintance. He’s seems completely incapable of recognizing those relationships, while he can talk about his connection with Ryoken quite easily in comparison.

Yusaku even says that this isn’t something he wants, but rather simply something he is incapable of. And the difference between these relationships is in Yusaku’s trust and belief in the nature of each relationship; Yusaku has no doubts when it comes to Ryoken being his savior and source of strength, but he has had plenty of doubts over the course of his relationship with Ai and seemingly Kusanagi. He’s distinctly uncomfortable and agitated in Kusanagi’s presence at first, as shown by recent epsidoes, but completely relaxed and open with Ryoken the moment he realizes Ryoken is his special person. That’s because Yusaku believes that Ryoken can and will save him, while he has no such expectations for anyone else.

Without these feelings, Yusaku would be a much angrier, sadder person (which is saying something considering his current personality). It’s because of his feelings for Ryoken, the one who saved him, that Yusaku is able to save and have compassion for others. Those feelings preserved the humanity that might have otherwise been stripped away by the Incident entirely.

Ryoken’s very existence makes Yusaku a gentler, kinder person. That doesn’t mean he ignores Ryoken’s crimes; Yusaku has done more to stop Ryoken from hurting others than anyone else, knowingly or not, and he will continue to do so. But Yusaku is loyal to Ryoken in his own way. He would go to hell and back for his special person, but its a very different loyalty than that of the Knights of Hanoi and Spectre. The Knights of Hanoi know what Kogami is making Ryoken do is wrong, but their loyalty is to Kogami first. They must destroy the Ignis as he ordered before they can stop Ryoken from doing something unforgivable.

Spectre, meanwhile, is blindly loyal to Ryoken, fully prepared to die just because Ryoken said so, without once considering that Ryoken might actually try to die with him. Its unclear if this merely didn’t occur to Spectre, or if he merely accepted the Ryoken’s orders, suicidal or not, were final.

None of that shit is good for Ryoken. All four of them only serve to pave the path to Ryoken’s self-destruction. And its Yusaku who cares about Ryoken enough to stand in the way and actually save Ryoken’s life.

I think the best descriptor of Yusaku’s feelings towards Ryoken would be “pure”. I love the foe yay dynamic these two have, but reducing Yusaku’s devotion to just the dark situation in which it developed isn’t fair to the nuanced perspective the show builds. It’s not like Yusaku’s feelings for Ryoken are blind; it seems he’s actually spent a good portion of the past ten years and especially the past three months analyzing them. Yusaku holds Ryoken accountable for his kidnapping. Yusaku genuinely believes Ryoken righted that wrong by reaching out to him and eventually releasing him.

Ryoken never says anything along these lines, besides that the screams messed with his head, but Yusaku at some point came to the conclusion that Ryoken must have felt guilty. (And I have no doubt that Yusaku is spot on here; Yusaku is actively and correctly analyzing who Ryoken really is as a person, not just going off of an image he built in his head of his special person.) Yusaku has weighed Ryoken’s rights and wrongs and consciously dissected his own feelings. Even after that, there’s not the slightest doubt on his face when he talks about Ryoken, when he uses his experiences with Ryoken to affirm his very humanity.

Yusaku refuses to believe that his history and connection with Ryoken can be anything but real.

I think in the end, what’s abundantly clear is that Yusaku views Ryoken as a positive influence in his life. Yusaku doesn’t just have a whole bunch of mushy, positive emotions to Ryoken, but he also views those emotions in a positive way. Ryoken makes Yusaku feel stronger, more hopeful, and like he can also be vulnerable.

It reminds me of the philosophy that love is a choice: Yusaku chooses to believe in Ryoken. Chooses to believe in the boy that saved his life and his heart, the boy that gave him strength, hope, and comfort when he had none. It’s a conscious and mature decision. And personally, I think that’s really damn romantic.

#ygo #yugioh vrains #vrains #yusaku fujiki #kogami ryoken #vrainalysis

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shadowfaximpala · 6 years ago

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Requiem for the Damned

Part Three

Summary: From somewhere in the darkness hope is born, from one tortured soul to another they share in the desolate wasteland of loneliness. Only fate has other plans…

Tags: Reader Insert, Female Reader, Season 5, eventual relationship, eventual time skip

Relationship: Lucifer x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Depression, Drinking, Alcohol

Author’s Notes: Part Three! Next one will be a bit longer than this chapter.

_____________________

Chloe: 'WHO WAS THE VOICE?' Chloe: 'IS HE HOT? HE SOUNDED HOT!!!!' Chloe: 'OMG, SEND ME A PICTURE' Chloe: 'DID YOU FIND HIM ONLINE, YOU LITERALLY NEVER LEAVE YOUR APARTMENT' Chloe: 'DID HE BREAK IN?' Chloe: 'IS HE A HOBO?' Chloe: 'EVEN SO, HE'S STILL BETTER THAN THE LAST ONE. I HAVE NO EXPECTATIONS FROM YOU F/N' Chloe: 'INFO. NOW. I NEED GOSSIP, LET ME LIVE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH YOU!!!!!!'

_________________________

Sinners

You threw your bag down in frustration on the kitchen counter along with your keys. Work as usual was horrendous. This was the first nine to five job you had managed to hold down longer than six months but it came with so many problems, you worked in a busy coffee shop, but a few of your colleagues made it particularly difficult not to shove them through the coffee blender and grind them into instant, given the flavour of the regular blended you genuinely thought you could get away with it and dispose of the bodies appropriately. If you didn't have to earn money to survive you would have done by now, also you never did look good in orange...

After ripping open the fridge, reheating last nights leftovers you grabbed the bottle of wine that was staring at you with a pleading glimmer.

Through the fog of your daily annoyance and your brain now stewing in alcohol you had somehow forgotten about your regular late night visitor, the weight of your stagnant life now began to weigh you down, with your inhibition and emotional wall now crumbling down tears slipped from your eyes. Bringing your legs tighter to your chest you folded yourself up. You didn't even notice him take a seat next to you, your eyes were shut tight trying to stop anymore emotion from spilling from your seams. But as usual you could feel the energy that emanated from him, a slight cold chill in the air felt heavenly against your skin. You took another gulp from the almost empty glass before acknowledging his presence.

“You know, I used to think I had everything figured out, turns out I didn’t know shit. How did I end up like this? Imprisoned in these four walls trying to scrape the bottom of the barrel just to get by…” You regarded the last remnants of blood red liquid at the bottom of the glass before chugging it back. “Everyone just leaves me in the end. I’m surprised you still stop by.” The corners of your mind began to weigh down heavily, finally you plucked up the courage to look at this handsome, mysterious ‘stranger’.

“I’ve been there,” he offered, taking the glass delicately from your grasp and laying it down on the table beside you. “My Dad cast me out even though he was never there because I had the nerve to stand up for what I believed in, my brothers turned on me, I was left alone, in the end I’m always alone…” Your eyes met his, so much sorrow surrounded him, a feeling you were familiar with.

“Why won’t you tell me your name?” You whispered.

“Deep down you know, I don’t need formality. I never have… Humanity just tarnishes my name, branded me a monster.” He took your hand in his, his skin felt ice cold and delicate yet hardened like marble.

“You’re not a monster, even the darkest soul can be saved,” you gave him an empty smile.

“You don’t believe that do you? You don’t even believe there’s salvation for your own soul,” he patted your hand before releasing it, pushing himself back in your chair. “Not everyone can be saved sweetheart,” Lucifer glanced towards the window.

“Well, lucky for you I don’t give two shits about a chequered past, mine’s not exactly rose coloured. I’m afraid to let anyone in because the second I do, they leave.” You wiped at the tears threatening to spill from the corners of your eyes. Nobody had evoked this level of vulnerability from you in a very long time, and here you sat before a total stranger baring what little you had left.

“Preaching to the choir,” he spoke softly in a calm and collected voice a knowing expression etched into his characteristic features. “My only sin was loving my family too much above all and they thought me sick because I had no room left in my heart for a new addition.” He pinched the bridge of his nose tight.

“Sometimes we give too much to those who don’t appreciate it, and they leave us with literally nothing left to give except negative emotions. Anger, pain, frustration and sorrow and then act like it’s our fault because they took the light away from us.” Ocean blue eyes met your own, something akin to a profound connection set deep within.

“I have something to do,” he spoke cutting through the silence like a knife, the tension settling in and making him uncomfortable with the raging conflict going within his mind. “Goodnight Y/N,” and again you were left alone with your mind. Sorrow burrowed into your brain, just like that you had opened up, got too close and he ran. You could see that flash of panic ever so brief wash over him.

“Another one bites the dust,” you groaned before pouring yourself another drink.

Part Two << >> Part Four

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thezodiaczone · 6 years ago

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July Forecast for Cancer

What a birthday season you’re having this year, Cancer! Not only is the Sun in your sign until July 22 and resetting your whole aura, this month will bring two powerful eclipses one of which will fall in Cancer. Get ready for a powerful and purposeful push onto your path! There’s a lot going on in the heavens all month, including a signal-scrambling Mercury retrograde toward the end of July (more on that in a bit). But the skies are looking mighty fine for the first three weeks, so let the fun begin!

The action kicks off on July 10, when expansive Jupiter ends a four-month retrograde and powers forward in Scorpio and your fifth house of love, creativity and joie de vivre. If you haven’t planned a birthday extravaganza yet, book it asap! A romance that’s slowed down since March could pick up speed again, or you might resume a back-burnered project. Don’t be surprised if fame comes knocking, as global Jupiter in this head-turning house shines the spotlight on your talents.

Your confidence and charisma get even more fuel on July 12, when the Cancer new moon—a partial solar eclipse—lands in your sign. This is the first of summer’s three scene-shifting eclipses (the next two are on July 27 and August 11) that are sparking radical change. And while eclipses are significant for all the signs, because the moon is your celestial ruler, they can be downright cataclysmic for Cancers. Eclipses sweep in four to six times a year and shake up the status quo, removing anything that’s past its expiration date and flinging open the doors for a fresh start.

In astrology, solar eclipses mark bold beginnings, often with an unexpected twist. If you’ve been on the fence about making a change, this new moon could catalyze a swift decision. Maybe your intuition told you to wait, and you weren’t sure why. Now following that divine-timing hunch could pay off, and an even better offer or opportunity arrives. With this eclipse in your first house of self and appearances, some Cancers will make a dramatic style shift or debut a project that has your personal stamp all over it.

This is the inaugural eclipse in a series that will fall on the Cancer/Capricorn axis between now and July 2020, initiating a wave of transformations around your individuality and your relationships. Prepare to renegotiate the balance between “me” and “we” over the next two years. This is the only eclipse from this group in 2018; the rest will fall in 2019. It will also coincide with the Sun’s annual opposition to Pluto in Capricorn and your partnership house. As you emerge from your shell to reveal Cancer 2.0, don’t be surprised if you get some pushback or resistance from your closest people—even ones you’d expect to support you. Be selective about whom you share your nascent plans with now.

In fact, it might be best to put your head down and just work, especially once the Sun enters Leo and your industrious second house for a month on July 22. As birthday season wraps up, it’s time to focus on practical matters and lock down some security. As el Sol heats up your zone of daily routines, work and money, you could start building some of those grand, eclipse-fueled ideas into something tangible.

But as quickly as you start, there could be speed bumps because Mercury—planet of communication, technology and transportation—turns retrograde in Leo on July 26 (until August 19). Watch for misunderstandings with clients and coworkers, budget snafus and computer crashes at the job. Early in the month, take precautions by backing up your data to the cloud and deleting any questionable emails, especially ones sent on the company server. A promising financial lead could ghost you, or a key meeting could be delayed. Use this window to tighten up your presentation and look for other options. During Mercury retrogrades, it’s more important than ever to not put all your eggs in one basket

Besides, speedy Mars is retrograde from June 26 to August 27, and for the majority of its backspin, it will be in Aquarius, disrupting your eighth house of joint ventures and shared finances. You may need to scale down overly ambitious plans or deal with an unanticipated expense, perhaps related to a legal bill, a real estate matter or debt.

While money and power struggles could be a source of stress, examine your own role in any conflicts. Where are you acting rashly and from a place of ego? Tunnel vision or an unhealthy rivalry could be consuming you. This retrograde is a crucial time to step back and change counterproductive behaviors. If you’ve pooled funds or gotten entangled with someone who’s not holding up their end of the bargain, you might have second thoughts about proceeding. Couples or business partners may decide to go separate ways—careful that combative Mars doesn’t provoke a contentious battle as you divide up your assets and responsibilities.

Although the retrograde can cause bottlenecks, you won’t be stuck ALL month. On July 27, a total lunar (full moon) eclipse lands in Aquarius and your merger-minded eighth house. A simmering sexual attraction could consummate quickly, perhaps turning into a full-blown soulmate relationship. This eclipse could also bring a large financial windfall or unexpected momentum around a legal or property matter.

Lunar eclipses can feel more intense than solar ones because full moons bring endings, transitions and full-circle events. Powerful emotions that have been tucked away could erupt, taking you by surprise. This eclipse will conjunct fiery Mars, which is retrograde in Aquarius for the next couple weeks. If you have buried resentments or frustrations, that could all come pouring out. Since the eighth house rules merging, some Cancers could suddenly get engaged or pregnant, move in together, buy or sell a home or make some fast-but-permanent life change.

This is the final Aquarius eclipse in a series that’s been touching down on the Leo/Aquarius axis since February 2017, transforming the way you deal with money, work and your deepest bonds—everything from investments to emotional vulnerability to shared space. Look back to the prior two Aquarius eclipses on August 7, 2017, and February 15, 2018, for clues of what might fully come together now. There will be one last Leo eclipse on January 21, 2019, so get your financial and emotional ducks in a row for one last big breakthrough then.

Love & Romance

With impassioned Mars spinning backward in Aquarius and your intense eighth house all month (from June 26 to August 27), a mishmash of emotions gets stirred up—from lust to trust to things you weren’t even aware of. This phase can spark jealousy, resentment and a fierce competitiveness. It could also signal the return of an ex, so keep your eyes wide open! Couples may need to talk about or negotiate shared finances and other assets. Having second thoughts or feel like you rushed in a little fast? We can’t help thinking of the speedy engagement of Cancer Ariana Grande to Scorpio Pete Davidson. Mars retrograde can help you recalibrate if necessary.

On the other side of your chart, Venus is sailing through your second house of money and security until July 9, helping you clarify your values. But since Venus is in luxury-loving Leo AND opposing Mars retrograde, this probably won’t help you curb your spending. At the very least, you can think about your own financial goals and challenges: Where do you need to hold back, and how could you be more confident and let your savings work harder for you?

On July 9, the social planet will cruise into Virgo and your third house, lightening the vibe. If you’re single, you could meet someone with potential while casually hanging out—perhaps it’s a friend of a friend, or one of YOURS who suddenly seems worthy of a “benefits package.” Couples who’ve been arguing will calm down now and have the clarity to talk things through like two people who genuinely care about each other. Lay down your weapons and just listen to what the other has to say.

Throughout the month, Venus will form flowing trines to innovative Uranus (July 11), structured Saturn (July 14) and transformational Pluto (July 27), all in the most interpersonal houses of your chart. The Venus-Uranus trine could spark sudden chemistry with a friend, colleague or an online match. And the love planet’s divine dalliances with future-oriented Saturn and alchemical Pluto in your eighth house of mergers could find Crabs deciding to make things official—or establishing new terms of engagement.

Who knows? Mars retrograde be damned, we might just see some slipping off to City Hall, especially near the July 27 total lunar eclipse in this same sexy and intimate zone. Eclipses bring events to a sudden culmination, and at this one, smoldering chemistry could consummate…or combust!

Key Dates

July 12: Sun-Pluto Opposition This power pairing only happens once a year, and something’s bound to happen. Have you been stuffing down some strong feelings because you’re afraid you’ll hurt someone or rock the boat? How happy are you not speaking up? If you truly want resolution, stop tiptoeing around the other person’s ego and come out with it! You’ll be pleasantly surprised to discover that they’re not as fragile as you think.

Money & Career

Make some calculated power moves, Cancer. With the Sun in your sign until July 22 and a rare Cancer solar eclipse arriving at the July 12 new moon, one of your solo projects could move to the front burner. This is the start of a two-year cycle that can put your name on the map or redefine your whole path. Since this eclipse will oppose powerful Pluto in your partnership house, you might cut ties with someone who’s been holding you back or step into a more assertive role.

We’re still in retrograde high season because this month will see Mercury, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune AND Pluto all in reversal at some point. The emphasis of retrogrades is on the past, so go back and clear up any confusion or grey areas. Renegotiate, revise and tweak anything—this fall will bring back most of the momentum, so your careful inspection will pay off in a tight final product.

And watch your spending! Anxious Mars is retrograde in Aquarius all month, lending some intensity and uncertainty to your eighth house of shared ventures and long-term finances. Ease up on the big purchases and hold off on any large investments if you’re feeling stressed about bearing the expense. This is a good time to consolidate debt or make an aggressive repayment plan—but pace yourself. Cut up a credit card or three if you’ve been overusing the plastic and find a way you can live sustainably within your means while still enjoying your must-have Cancerian creature comforts.

The month’s second eclipse on July 27 lands in Aquarius, riding shotgun with Mars. This turbo-charged lunar (full moon) eclipse could bring a lucky windfall or an exciting opportunity to join forces with an influential person or partner. La luna also shines a megawatt spotlight on your emotions around money and power. Is it time to step into a role befitting of your creativity and capabilities, Crab? If you’re unconsciously sabotaging yourself by overspending or mismanaging money—or by letting your emotions eclipse your judgment—it’s time to cut that out. The world needs you to be your best and brightest self already, so quit holding back!

Key Dates

July 9: Mercury-Jupiter Square Before you’re off and running on a new project, crunch the numbers. If it’s not financially sound, be prepared to temper your enthusiasm and scale back the plan. With overeager Jupiter adding impulsivity, things could get out of hand quickly. Think twice (and a third time) before launching into any long-winded defense of your ideas—or before completely shooting down another person’s.

Love Days: 19, 25 Money Days: 6, 14 Luck Days: 12, 30 Off Days: 10, 23, 27

#cancer #monthly forecast #horoscope #horoscopes #astrology #cancer monthly

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