#because no one did nothing i just have depression

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

Glory Hallelujah

Written for day 25 of the @steddieholidaydrabbles and the 12 Days of Christmas bonus card of the @steddiebingo

Prompts: Christmas & Glory Hole

Rated: E

Tags: Post-Vecna; Everybody Lives; Rockstar Eddie; Sex Clubs; Glory Holes; Blowjobs; Reunions

Notes: I did a poll to determine which prompt from the bingo card I should combine with the Christmas prompt of the holiday drabbles. Merry Dick-mas, you filthy heathens, I love all of you! ❤️

Eddie isn’t sure what the correct word for someone like him is. He’s been pondering it over four beers now, watching the bored-looking girl at the center of the room spin around her pole, but without any success. 

Pathetic springs to mind, but that isn't strong enough. There must be a stronger word than pathetic for someone spending Christmas at a goddamn sex club. But he was lonely, and he had nowhere to go, so it seemed like a good idea. 

It wasn’t. The place is glaringly empty, even Indy’s kink scene having better places to be on this most magical of nights.

He should’ve gone to Kentucky with Wayne. 

Except this is the old guy’s first time meeting his girlfriend’s family, and Eddie can just imagine how this would’ve played out if he’d tagged along.

Hi, I’m Eddie, Wayne’s nephew. Yeah, I might look familiar. Yeah, I was on the cover of Rolling Stone last month. Thanks, I’m happy your grandkids like my music. Yeah, no, I didn’t commit those satanic murders, that was- Listen, can we talk about my uncle? 

So, instead, here he is. 

Fuck, he hasn’t felt this miserable and mad at himself since that one time he told Steve Harrington to get back with his girl while inconspicuously ogling the guy’s sweaty chest hair under his own battle vest. 

Eddie sighs, getting up from his chair. He might as well head home while he still has some self-respect left.

He's almost at the exit when something catches his eye. There's a row of stalls in the wall, each with its own lockable door. 

The light over one is on. 

There's no fucking way, he thinks, even as his feet carry him right over and into the adjacent cabin. Someone probably forgot to kill the light. There's no fucking way anyone is in there. That would be at least as pathetic as a fucking rock star going to a fucking sex club on fucking Christmas day because he's a depressed moron. 

Still, he goes in, locks the door and pulls down his pants. The hole in the wall stares back at him like it's trying to mock him. Eddie tells himself to stop being silly. 

Worst case scenario is he stands here with his limp dick poking through a hole in the wall like an idiot. Nobody will know, because nobody’s there. Best case scenario is he gets to blow off some steam. 

Nothing happens. 

Eddie sighs and is just about to pull out when suddenly, there's movement. His heart leaps into his throat. He hears it all through the thin wall. A sharp intake of breath, like whoever is on the other side is just as surprised as him. They probably are. They've probably been in there a while. Then, the thud of knees hitting the floor. Eddie has just enough time to think that the mystery person must be really eager for this before he feels soft, warm lips wrapping around his tip. 

Whoever the person in the other stall is, they sure know what they’re doing. They start out gently, slowly sliding Eddie’s swelling cock in and out of that deliciously warm mouth, tongue teasing the length of him. Once he's fully hard, the tongue is joined by a hand, alternating soft licks with firm strokes, and Eddie feels something urgent and hot build at the base of his spine. He moans, fingers grasping the top of the stall for leverage as his hips buck, trying to get closer to that mouth even with the wall between them. 

They keep this up for several minutes. Eddie tries to keep his voice down, but it seems like each of his groans and whimpers spurs the other person on. And then, they scrape their teeth over his tip, and a startled curse escapes his lips, and they swallow him all the way down, as far as the wall allows. 

Eddie comes with a hoarse shout, spilling hot and wet into that mouth. The other person doesn’t pull away. Eddie feels their throat constricting around him as they swallow.

“Fuuuck,” Eddie groans, forehead sagging against the wall. His arms feel like jelly from supporting his weight. “Shit. Jesus. Shitshitshit.” 

And that is when the other person pulls off. 

“Eddie, if it’s you, please come out?” 

“Wait a sec,” says a voice. A voice garbled and wrecked from sucking his cock and swallowing his come. A voice that Eddie hasn’t heard in ten years.

Eddie’s heart stops. On the other side of the wall, a door opens.

“Eddie?” Right outside his own door. “Shit, is that really you?”

This isn’t real. It’s some bizarre, orgasm-induced pipe dream brought about by too much beer and seasonal depression. There’s no way the person outside is who Eddie thinks he is. 

He does. At least he remembers to pull up his pants first.

The door swings open, and there he is. Steve Harrington, ten years older but no less gorgeous, clad in skintight denim and a silky purple shirt, lips turned up into a delighted smile. They’re still swollen and shiny. 

“I knew it!” he cheers, pulling Eddie into a hug. “Nobody else babbles curses like that.”

Eddie grunts. Steve pulls back, holding him at arm’s length. 

“Looking good,” he smiles. “Even better than on that Rolling Stone cover. How have you been, man? Dustin said you talk sometimes, but you never-” 

“What the fuck is going on here?” Eddie blurts. His knees are wobbly and his head is spinning. “You aren’t- … You just sucked my- … You’re straight!” 

Steve laughs, and it’s every bit as breathtaking as Eddie remembers. 

“Yeah, no, I figured that out a while ago. Which you would know, if you’d just kept in touch.” He winks right into Eddie’s gobsmacked face, then takes him by the shoulder and steers him towards the bar. “How about you buy me a drink? We can celebrate this little Christmas miracle, and I’ll bring you up to speed.” 

More holiday drabbles

More Steddie Bingo

[kamechan98]

Octavia is a seventeen year old girl who has little to no connection to the outside world that we know of. Stolas is the one positive relationship she has and that has become more and more strained over the years and especially since he slept with Blitzø that first time. And so she's been caught in the middle of her parents' drama, her mother's abuse hitting a new peak, her father finally standing up for himself which changes the dynamic as well, her mother moving out and also trying to pursue a relationship with Blitzø, which definately is a lot to deal with for anyone, especially a kid.

But, let's face it, Octavia does come across as pretty self-absorbed in a lot of ways. Which I do not blame her for at all, btw, we are all self-absorbed when we're young and especially in this awkward teen years. And dealing with a divorce is going to be rough on the kids, it's common for kids to feel like their parents not loving each other and staying together is somehow their fault.

But with that said, that immediate jump from "my dad's taking anti-depressants" to "is it MY fault that he needed these? Was he only staying with us and keeping himself miserable because of me?" Which, while mostly true, is a bit of a oversimplification of the situation. Yes, Stolas stayed with Stella and put up with her abuse so Octavia could have a normal, happy life, but if he had not met up with Blitzø again, him wanting a divorce and finally standing up for himself probably wouldn't have happened. Blitzø made him realize that he could choose for himself and find happiness, but if he hadn't, he'd probably would have just stayed in that relationship until he died if it meant keeping Octavia happy. And Stolas is a big People Pleaser so he probably wouldn't have rocked the boat too much if he hadn't found that strength in Blitzø.

People in bad, unhappy or abusive relationships have often been convinced that things can't get better, that this is all you're gonna get so it's better than nothing, and part of escaping is learning that things can indeed get better. And once you realize that, it's very hard being okay in those bad relationships or situations, which is shown as Stolas stands up to Stella, goes through with the divorce and tries to pursue his own happiness.

But back to Octavia, this of course is hard for her as her whole life and world is crumbling around her and as Stolas is her only positive relationship, she's terrified of losing him. As well as, while her life may not have been 100% happy or good, it was one she was used to and grew to either love or tolerate. And since Stolas is the one who pulled the plug on it, it is easy to point the finger at him saying he ruined everything. Kind of like how it's easy to blame anyone who blows the whistle for disrupting the status quo that everyone has grown used to because now they have to settle to something new, rather than happy someone finally did something to try and fix a problem and in the long run could make things better.

And since teenagers are a bit self-absorbed and dramatic, it makes sense for her to feel like Stolas has ruined her life and that he chose Blitzø over her, and not as Stolas trying to find a healthy relationship with someone else that can make him happy in ways she can't. That it isn't as black-and-white as she makes it out to be, that loving Blitzø doesn't make him love her any less or him being miserable and needing anti-depressants is because of her and him taking the first out of their family that he could find because he was just that unhappy. That in her mind it makes sense that Stolas just stayed with her because of obligation and the second he could leave her and Stella behind for Blitzø and can't see the whole picture yet.

That Stolas isn't choosing Blitzø over her, but rather choosing Blitzø over Stella and her abuse. That Blitzø isn't trying to steal her dad from her but maybe give her a happier, healthier family dynamic than the one she has. Right now she can't see thatm she only sees her father choosing to die for his affair partner and was willing to leave her alone with her mother. And more or less saying he should have let Blitzø die so Stolas wouldnt' have left her behind. Which is unfair and cruel to say, especially to someone who's already depressed and broken, but I'm willing to bet you money that if someone sat her down and had a calm, gentle conversation with her about it, asking if she really thinks her father should have let Blitzø die, she'd probably say no, if a bit reluctantly. But these are the kind of emotions you go through during tough times and we all say things we don't mean when we're upset, hurt and angry but once we start unpacking them we're able to deal with them better and see them in black and white.

After all, hurt people hurt people

And the sad thing is, all it would take is one long, probably painful but long overdue conversation between Stolas and Octavia for her to understand, or at least understand his perspective better. Maybe not the whole thing, as she's right in the middle of abuse and growing up around it has made her grow used to it. It would probably help to talk to an outsider who's able to see the abuse for what it is. But once Octavia realizes this, sees how truly terrible and evil her mother is and how she tried to have him killed, she will turn on her, no doubt about that. And once she's also given some love and compassion from others, the way Stolas has started to, she will go through the same kind of journey her father is currently going through.

Both Stolas and Octavia have hurt each other and both have good reasons for why they did what they did or feel what they feel, but I 1000% believe they'll find their way back to each other.

As much as i can understand where Via is coming from, and her feelings are valid, she doesn’t see her dad as a living person outside of just being her father. And that isn’t right. It’s especially not right seeing just how many people feel absolutely no empathy for him.

“She was just a child having to endure all that!!” Okay, and how old was Stolas when he had to marry an abusive girl and have a kid of his own, exactly? At least he gave Via a chance to have a good childhood, he didn’t have one. He didn’t have anything except for his duties to carry out.

And while it’s heartbreaking that Via sees herself as an obligation, that’s literally what she was supposed to be. Though that doesn’t mean that was how he saw her. She was what saved him, what made him endure all the abuse, what kept him going.

But sometimes that’s not enough, he had NO ONE to confide in and couldn’t put his frustrations on his own kid (because he’s a good father, despite what some of you would like to believe, clearly you didn’t grow up with a parent trying to guilt you by traumadumping when you can barely understand it), so he also NEEDED the pills.

The thing is, i also had that mentality towards my mom for dealing with depression UNTIL i started experiencing it myself. Because it’s so hard to realize that your parents are also human beings, since they’re supposed to protect you, they’re supposed to have everything figured out, to be the shoulder you cry on.

But if i see another dumbass claim that he CHOSE to leave and made the wrong decision in Mastermind, i need you out of this fandom. The whole point of that was that he had no choice, was he supposed to throw away the man he fell in love with, his first friend, his first time that wasn’t for procreation, and the one who liberated him? Stolas is allowed to care for more than one person, and he deserves to be loved romantically by someone.

You’re being too harsh on Stolas because for whatever reason you hate an abuse victim finally having a say in how to live for once in their lives, adding on top of that the weird, underlying homophobia in some of your criticisms for him.

Also i have a bad taste in my mouth from Via only seemingly hating Stolas, despite having SEEN how shitty Stella is. Sure, she doesn’t know the full extent of the abuse, but she’s heard the yelling, she’s seen the throwing, the ridiculing, the insensitivity. And most likely that woman neglected Via as much as possible, because she also didn’t choose to have her, but unlike Stolas she didn’t give a fuck to take responsibility regardless. (Reminding you of the “You get up” comment from Loo Loo Land). This was all happening before the cheating, so that’s not an excuse for her behavior (not that the cheating was, but at least Via would have been able to reason with her reaction to it).

It’s a complicated situation and it’s so shitty to put all the blame on Stolas, he tried so much for his family, but it was never going to be enough, because he’s gay. I’m glad he got out of that marriage.

Honestly, had i been given all those responsibilities at his age in a loveless marriage, i would’ve gone insane. I wouldn’t have been kind to my child, the cause of my shit life. But he never saw her as a weight on his shoulders, he has so much love for Via.

[ahollowgrave]

My queue is nearly full again (almost 1k posts!) so I've up'd the post rate and I also might step back for a few days as well!

[poisonousquinzel]

they deserved better idc 😐

[dykedvonte]

I think it’s so ironic that the Pony Express escapes a lot if not all blame in discussion. I can’t even say I am excused from it but it’s just how hard people circle back to the characters alone without considering the environment they were made to be in.

Why would they design a ship where only two of the rooms lock? Not the bathroom? Not the sleeping quarters? We assume that all the companies in the universe are this shallow and careless to their workers but we explicitly know the Pony Express in extra vile. They are fed processed slop pack they can’t even really cook and the ration of those pack is meager at best. They hired and made people with a plethora of conflicting demeanors and beliefs work together on a mission where cohesion is important if not an outright necessity and punish them for not being happy about it. There’s no social protocols, not chain of command other than Captain’s word/choice and the only way to enforce that is with a literal firearm. They don’t allow them to celebrate freely and even took away leisure activities that would make them less stir crazy. They are only allowed a few hours of sleep despite their being no other real responsibilities or work on the ship, no matter the position or its importance. With any crew, with any level of synergy, this was a powder keg waiting for a spark.

I’m not saying characters that made mistakes didn’t make huge ones, but I think part of the horror is that at least for some (this is targeting Jimathan) those mistakes are partly made by a force of the hand. There’s a running theme of lack of choice and being forced into something and the very nature of how The Pony Express expected them to function plays a big part.

[ideasnstuff]

The lovers au

Because yes.

A dialogue between skk

C:How do you did it?

D: Wh.. at?

C: You hear me. I know you can hear me how do you did it?

D: Pardon?

C: How did you do it?

D: Do what?

C: Oh so you can hear me. You helped those two.

D: I suppose I did...

C: How.

D: I think... I talked with them.

C: You... you talked?

D: Sure.

C: Just... just talked?!

D: Yeah I did. And?

C: ...

C: That woman over there... i know her name is Yosano Akikko. She's beautiful but she seems to exhaust herself with her own punishment. And we all do. I see her all the time.

D: I did felt her desperation...

C: Felt?

D: Yes, can't you feel it?

C: I can see it. Interesting how you can know that by feelings...

D:...

C: But you helped her, for the first time she decided to stop for a while. In three years, I saw her face without any tears.

D: ....

C: That's also part of the reasons I wanted to talk with you.

D: Hm.... what about the other reason?

C: ...

C: I ... I have been watching you for a while like I always do with everybody.

I know every single thing about these people. Poor souls, I have seen people arriving, leaving. Mostly, arriving and desperately trying to accomplish something impossible like them. I see everything, I can see the way those two scream, I can see their tears and monologues. I know each person here. I know everything.

D: How wise.

C: ...

C: And yet, I can't figure out your punishment as much time I spent looking at you. I saw how you tried to help the people I saw everyday but I don't think that's a punishment.

D: And how do you know that?

C: because helping people is a choice, not a punishment.

D: Are you sure?

C: I know what I see and that's what I see.

D: Hm...

C: ...

C: Yosano... her punishment is terrible..

D: Oh? Do tell me?

C: Huh? You couldn't understand it by seeing it?

D: No.

C: Huh... Strange....

D: ...

C: She has been trying to heal a bunch of kids, but everytime she does, they kill themselves with her own scalpel. The very one she used to cure them.

D: ...

C: It's almost depressing seeing her doing that over and over again. I don't think she realizes she is wasting her time.

D: It's the eternity.

C: It's the eternity yes, but this is eternal suffering. These people know nothing but suffering and despair.

D: ...

C: I never saw them without screaming, crying or pained. They are always in this state of desperation.

D: I can feel their desperation, yes.

C: I can see it.

D: Hm.

D: In short you saw them but you didn't help them.

C: What makes you think I was fine with it?

D: You did nothing to help them.

C: Watch your sentences bandaged dude. I have the upper hand here.

D: ...

C: What?

D: Do I still have the bandages?

C: Huh? Are you asking me that? Can't you... just look down?

D: ...

C: Oh.

D: ...

C: You... You can't see.

D: That's...

C: The truth, that's what the facts say, that's what I am saying. You are blind.

D: Yeah... I suppose I am.

C: But even so, why were you able to figure out Yosano's desperation?

D: hm? I felt it.

C: Without... seeing it?

D: Yeah. I feel a lot lately.

C: ...

C: That's weird, we are dead.

D: That's what I told myself when I arrived here.

C: You shouldn't feel like that.

D: Tough luck.

C: ...

C: Do you... perhaps feel something... now?

D: ... are you treating this like some superpower or something?

C: Do you? Answer the question.

D: Strangely... I feel nothing.

C: What? But I thought you felt "lately a lot".

D: Well I am not feeling not "lately a lot" right now. And if anything it's a blessing.

C:..

C: I don't know what to say.

D: Don't say anything then. Why didn't you help poor Yosano?

C: All mighty aren't we? I have been here for three years now and if your punishment is being blind, mine is being invisible.

D: Oh. That's.... certainly... unexpected...

C: You couldn't obviously tell, you are blind.

D: Well... I am...

C: But to answer your question... I can't help them, even if I wanted to.

D: Can't they hear you? Like I can?

C: They do, they can but if they care they don't show.

D: ...

C: Besides I see that they are too much drowned in their own demise and despair. If someone ever would try to be close to them, they'd ignore the person.

D: ...

C: And they can't see me so... I have given up on helping them, on helping people a long time ago.

D: ...

C: You can't see, but things are like what I see. Simple and obvious. If it's cruel it's cruel. Rarely it's something positive, since this is a punishment.

D: Forever was not enough huh?

C: ...

D: You said you have been here for three years.

C: I think so. Time is meaningless here. Since it's eternal, there are no need to such abstract things as time. It won't even end, so there is no need to count it.

D: ... You do have a point.

C: I know that. It won't ever end.

D: So... what do people do around here?

C: I observe. They try to accomplish impossible tasks. Over there I see a man. He's desperately trying to finish a puzzle but whenever he makes his move, the puzzle changes. He gets frustated, you must feel it.

D: ... I do.

C: Ranpo is an intelligent soul. But his punishment was carefully chosen and purposefully made an impossible and frustating situation.

D: ...

C: Kunikida is another one. He's an idealist, I can see how his eyes widen with tears and fear whenever he sees the kids being killed. Sometimes they commit suicide, other times it's something different.

D: ...

C: He has a notebook with him. It's green colored. It's his ideals' book. He insists on carrying it with him. Apparently it makes his suffering even more terrible.

D: I can feel it.

C: You have the kid who won't ever get that heavy rock to the top of that mountain. Not because he is weak, but because the montain is covered with thin clay that makes it roll back down.

D: A kid?

C: Yeah. It's depressing really. But he's a tough one. He doesn't give up and he is not as terrible as the others.

D: What else?

C: Huh I don't know. What can you feel?

D: ... A lot.

C: Choose a side and I'll tell you about what I know.

D: Are you, stranger whose name I don't know-

C: I don't think that's necessary.

D: offering to be my eyes?

C: Like I said eternity is a lot of time. I am bored.

D: So... boredom huh...

C: It's not hard to tell, no one can see me. You are the first person I have talked with.

D: That's...

C: So, I can be your eyes for-

D: The eternity?

C:...

C: You know what I was going to say something similar but you are so annoying that I won't.

D: Hm.. what about that feeling there.

C: Huh? Where?

D: Over there... I feel deep pain... I hear crying too.

C: Oh that's a boy. He is suffering his sister's death or if it is not death she disapears whenever he touches her.

D: Oh.

C: Not the worst type of punishment if you ask me. But it's still painful, specially when it's his sister.

D: Huh... I can feel... love?

C: Wha- I am only saying what I am seeing!

D: Never said you weren't.

C: Her name is Naomi and she disapears a lot. I would say 1000 times per day or something, but it really is variable and, I don't know what a day is.

D: Fair enough.

C: Can't you feel anything else?

D: I feel a lot.

C: Well, that's helpful. I see a lot too.

D: You don't seem very close to these people...

C: ...

D: You seem to not care about their pain.

C: We all have our own graves to carry. No one is going to do it for me.

D:...

C: I have my own punishment too. Why would I pity them?

D: Sometimes I forget that.

C: ...

C: Well... welcome to this... place. Pros: you don't need to eat, to wash. But against these is your own punishment.

D: A certainly heavy price to pay.

C: See for the bright side, you won't need to change your bandages.

D: When you say like that...

C: In fact you should stop wearing them.

D: ...

C: No one pays attention to you.

D: Sounds like a dream.

C: For a while, maybe. Then it gets lonely.

D: ...

C: For me at least. They... they don't seem - look lonely.

D: They do feel a lot.

C: Yeah. They are not alone.

D: ...

C: They have their desperation and pain with them. It's a good distraction from loneliness.

D: ...

C: Yeah...

D: I'd say good for them, but ...

C: Don't. Don't finish that sentence.

D: Sorry.

C:...

C: I just met you today-

D: Was it really today though? Wasn't time something relative?

C: A bit of both. But the point is- I know, for some reason, you are the type of person I'd hate in life.

D: Hm. That's... interesting

C: Isn't it? The way you can't see but you can actually be an annoying asshole even without seeing me?!

D: And having fun while at it

C: You- wait. You.... are you feeling something? Right now?

D: Not particularly. I fell the others and your... strange emotions.

C: And what's that supposed to mean?!

D: Do what you wish with it.

C:...

C: I'll ignore it then. Huh... Naomi disapeared again.

D: That's what I feel seconds ago...

C: Were they really seconds?

D: ...

D: Stop that.

C: No. But anyways. We've been chatting for a while. Yosano and Kunikida returned from their break, thanks to you, but now they are suffering again.

D: I can feel it.

C: Yeah and I can see it. Stop doing that.

D: I was just saying.

C:...

C: What did you do?

D: Nothing for now?

C: Wha- no! I meant what brought you here?

D: It's hard to tell, hard to think the reason.

C: Think about what you did when you were alive.

D: I don't remember anything.

C: Nothing?

D: Anything worth remembering.

C: ....

D: Plus, it's been overwhelming the amount of emotions I feel.

C: Was it different? When you were alive I mean?

D: I can't tell. I don't really remember.

C: You just arrived.

D: Like you said time moves slowly here.

C: I didn't say that, but .. i understand. All I see is people and suffering.

D:...

C: But what I meant what did you do before you got here?

D: Ah, in life?

C: Yes. Were you... I don't know a... criminal?

D: ...

C: Oh my God.

D: ...

C: You were.

D: No.

C: ...

D: But I killed myself.

C: ...

D: I killed myself with my lover.

C: You...

D: Yeah.

C:...

C: And your lover. Do you miss your lover?

D: I don't know. It's hard to tell if I really loved her.

C: Well, you loved her enough to die with her. As messed up as it sounds.

D: I think you might have a point.

C:...

C: But I was talking about what you did in life. What were you? A womanizer?

D: I told you I had one lover, why would you assume I was a womanizer?

C: Just and idea.

D:...

D: I was a writer.

C: A writer?

D: Or at least I tried to be one.

C: Huh... could never have guessed. That's surprising.

D: Why?

C: You don't look the type of writer. I was a poet, myself.

D: Ugh.

D: I never liked poets.

C: Don't care, didn't ask.

D: Rude.

C: But .. Figures. For the record was never too keen on writers like you.

D: How so? Bad experiences?

C: No, just... boredom.

D: Boredom?

C: People who stuck to the words are boring.

D:...

D: Just for you to know taking this as a fully offense.

C: Too bad for you then.

D: I'll have you know I have a wonder type of writing.

C: I'll only believe it when I see it.

What's your name?

D: So straight forward.

C: Say it.

D: Dazai. Dazai Osamu.

C: Normally I wouldn't care but would you like me to call you 'Dazai' or 'Osamu'?

D: ...

D: Dazai. Osamu is for my lovers only.

C: Got it.

C: Never heard of it. I am Chuuya. Nakahara Chuuya.

N: Nakahara or Chuuya?

C: Don't ever call me by Nakahara again. Chuuya.

D: First name basis?

C: Don't overthink it, I am not into formalities.

D: Is that so?

C: Yeah they are overrated.

D: Maybe you are just a brute.

C: What is that supposed to mean?

D: Nothing. I think... your name is somehow familiar....

C: Probably from Rjmbaud's translations.

D: Right. I think that's it. One woman liked to read it so I saw the name.

C: Nice man. Nice poetry. The woman had great taste.

D: I'll have to disagree with that.

C: On the literature opinion or on the woman?

D: Actually? Both. I ended up dumping her.

C: I knew you were some kind of hearbreaker.

D: She was boring.

C: She readed poetry.

D: Precisely.

C: ...

C: The only bad taste she had was her taste in men.

D: Why are you judging me like that? Poetry sucks. Specially Rimbaud's. French snob people.

C: ...

C: I am not taking your advice Dazai, least of you. Of all people, not you.

D: Least of you? Chuuya, it's not like you have anyone else to talk to!

C: ...

C: You might be dead, Dazai, but I can hurt you, you know.

D: Sorry.

C: You are not sorry, asshole.

D: Oh can you tell?

C: I can see it.

D: ...

D: Eh you are right. And why the nickname?

C: What you said was typical of assholes and during my life I met a lot of them.

D: Ah, the perks of being a poet!

C: Do you have something against poetry?

D: It sucks. Why make the text short if it can all be in prose?

C: I was right, you have no taste. I pity those women.

D: They don't regret sleeping with me, you know.

C: Like I care.

D: Just saying.

C: Even after dead, the spirits won't give me any peace.

D: Oh poor you.

C: You are being annoying again.

C: I bet you certainly didn't work your life didn't you?

D: I thought I told you I was a writer.

C: Yeah and a certified womanizer as well.

D: I can't deny that, but I believe you said that was not a job.

C: It's not. It's a choice of life and look where it took you.

D: It's not that deep.

C: ...

D: And that was not what made me be here.

C: Then what was it?

D: I killed people.

C: What? Are you messing with me?

D: I wish I could say I cared about their deaths but I don't.

C: ...

D: They were all my lovers. Part of the reason I dumped that woman was because she refused to kill herself with me.

C: What?!

D: It's romantic dying together. You said yourself.

C: I didn't say that?!

D: You said something similar.

C: ...

C: You are the kind of people I'd punch in the face. But since you can't see... it wouldn't be fair.

D: I am glad you are thinking rationaly for once. Thank you immensely for your comprehension.

C: Silence would be a better option, you know.

D: But enough about me. What are you doing here? What could possibly a poet had made to deserve such a cruel punishment?

C:...

C: I can't tell if you are mocking me or asking me.

D: Take it as you please.

C: ...

C: Ha now you are being straight forward huh? Hypocrite.

D: I think it's only fair! Besides, no one is seeing you, don't worry!

C: Will you please stop with those comments? I spent thre- time in silence!

D: You should be thanking me then.

C: For what?!

D: You'd be lonely without me

C: ...

C: Dazai?

D: Hm?

C: Yosano is talking alone again.

D: I see.

C: You mean you feel.

D: ...

D: Shut up.

Hear me out

The Lovers...

?

[widowshill]

— But it's almost midnight. — Oh, that's the point! At the stroke of twelve, he turns into Dracula. C'mon, Vicki – he won't bite.

pose ref.

[johnny-depplyloveyou]

I know there are many bad takes about Gale on this site, but the worst takes I’ve seen on another social media site in another language are much more abhorrent than anything here tbh, the recent one I’ve seen even gets some popularity among his “fans”... They were basically saying it’s Mystra who made him the humble man he is now, without her influence on him he would be as egotistical as in his god ending, and more than a hundred of reblogs are all thanking Mystra for “training her lapdog so well” for them🤢

Did we even play the same game? Isn’t his god ending a direct result of Mystra making him think he will never be enough as he is, and he can only find his self-worth through gaining more power? Didn’t Tara say he’s not himself anymore and she would no longer be his companion in his god ending, she knew him long before Mystra made him her chosen, he was powerful enough before his relationship with Mystra, if he’s anything like god!Gale at the time wouldn’t Tara just leave him? I’d imagine he would have been more confident and had a more stable self-image if Mystra had never contacted him, therefore he didn’t even need the Gale of Waterdeep persona. He would always have been Gale Dekarios in that timeline. And people glorifying Mystra’s grooming and abuse towards him and unironically calling him “her lapdog” is just... I have no words. But what do you expect from an online space that’s infested with terfs and radfems? They just won’t recognize or acknowledge any abuse from women towards men...

[seaofreverie]

Anyway how is everyone doing

[no1ryomafan]

Man not to get depressing about Ken Ishikawa because the man’s legacy has been honored and will likely continued to be but sometimes I think about how it’s sad how Getter is the only works of his that really gets acknowledgment when you compare him to his mentor, Go Nagai, who has at least three main series that come to mind when his name is mentioned. Ishikawa wrote so much in between the second and third arc of getter when toei stopped making an anime for it, his art style and narrative themes changing so much that in a way it shaped the later arcs of where Getter would go, but none of it gets super acknowledged despite the fact the getter OVAs referenced them.

Ryomas iconic appearance from Arma? Stole that fit from Shinichi, main character of Majuu Sensen. The entire time travel arc in new where they get sent to the past and the gods who show up later? All taken out of another one of his works, Kyomu Senki. Majuu Sensen got the luckier side of being translated but Kyomu Senki I hear still hasn’t gotten it, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg for the stuff he’s written that’s been forgotten about.

We were really lucky to get arc anime but will ishikawas other works ever see the light of day getting more adaptations in this day and age when they’re hardly acknowledged outside of his actual diehard fans? Probably not. Which is a god damn shame.

[oddogoblino]

Everyone always seems more willing to talk and exist when I'm not around. The sleep deprivation makes me want to believe this means I'm a smothering presence rather than considering maybe everyone just finally had more free time. If the bad thoughts are right though, I guess I have no qualms against disappearing since youtube exists for entertainment.

[maddy-ferguson]

talking to new people again is making me realize that (this is gonna sound dramatic) i haven't lived in five years but what i have done is watch a lot of movies and read a bunch of books and believe it or not that actually makes me an interesting conversationalist in some ways (?)

[caluski]

begging for help is really strange. people say you need to be direct and specific, but it doesnt do anything. every relationship feels like im stuck behind a two-way mirror.

[nabaath-areng]

I've struggled so much with english these past few days and it's so annoying and embarrassing, and what's even more embarrassing is that I'm embarrassed at all in the first place!!! Everytime I make a rushed error with my unmedicated brain, or swap around with word order, or struggle to pronounce things or outright just fail to recall even basic words entirely I get so ashamed and stressed out.

And I hate being told things such as "you're better than some native speakers" because I know that isn't true! And I wish it could just be fine that I'm not! Sure, I've improved immensely ever since I actually tried to learn it properly 10 years ago, but it was such a bumpy and embarrassing road that it's practically a mercy for my self confidence that I was psychotic for a majority of the time, what with all the things I've forgotten or outright never memorized in the first place as a result lmao.

Everytime I have to edit captions and such after hitting 'Post' I always feel this overwhelming sense of dread that people will just pour in to nag and to correct me even over the smallest things, all without anything good to say. Which sucks, cause so many times where I've had people be condescending or outright degrading, the errors in question didn't even impede on the clarity of what I was saying. Just stupid, unimportant things like using 'has'/'have' wrong, using 'were' two times in a sentence, putting words in the wrong order in a sentence etc.

It's been years now since that was a thing that happened regularly, but that fear is apparently still so deeply imprinted that, even now, I can't read what I'm writing right here and now without this looming fear about how it will serve to make native speakers perceive me as stupid and unintelligent or outright infantilize me. Even though I know that's more than likely irrational of me to feel now. I seriously need to figure out how to overcome this mental roadblock, or at least not let it get to me like this. It's rarer these days, but I still feel it too strongly for my liking whenever my reservations do kick in.

[seilon]

shouldn’t have checked my bank account as expected my mother has taken thousands more dollars from my savings and has almost run me dry more or less. Cool!

[courageisneverforgotten]

snow white looks bad this, moana 2 that. the real question is who in the world wanted a live action mufasa or lilo and stitch movie