#because masculinity and homophobia always go hand in hand

[lnsfawwi]

why marvel hates stucky? because Captain America is (should be) a man

let's be real. Marvel isn't erasing stucky, they are merely erasing Bucky from Steve's storyline, not the other way around, they even went so far as to canonly admitting that Steve's Bucky's homecoming. why can they tolerate a possibly queer Bucky but not Steve? because to them, Steve Rogers is Captain America and Captain America is this white, straight, masculine national hero who embodies the traditional male fantasy. Bucky is just a sidekick that no one gives a fuck about while Sam is never gonna be the real Cap. bucky is the 'other' and by nature he is not important, he is put in a inferior position and his femininity (being queer) is slightly more acceptable than steve's.

what's funny is that, only Bucky saw Steve Rogers when the whole damn world sees Captain America. Bucky Barnes is the one that makes Steve Steve, as long as Bucky exists Steve can't be the hypermasculine icon Marvel wants him to be. why? bc it's in the fucking narrative. in this sense, Bucky Barnes is the only thing that stands in between Steve and the erroneous reading and presentation of Steve's character. So, he has to be removed.

and I'll expand that on the stomper or whatever knockoff ironman suit they put him in in WhatIf

there's a wonderful meta about why Steve is a feminine character. his masculinity isn't born but made and he was objectified and ridiculed for it. that artificial masculinity gave him the feminine experience and that's what makes him fascinating as an ostensibly hypermasculine hero. this dichotomy between Steve and Captain America created by that body is one of many reasons why Steve ≠ Captain America. by putting him in that suit, they are emulating masculinity with a giant piece of metal and tech that has phallic analogies written all over.

and that makes Steve, what? a knockoff tony stark? bc tony at least designed the thing. Steve is just a dude borrowing it. there's no depth and certainly no positive gendered reading came out of it. he becomes this simplistic male hero fantasy (like ironman). then, Marvel swapped Steve and Bucky's storylines but lost all the nuances because bucky is also heavily female-coded, especially his suffering as the winter soldier. the cartoon has none of that.

marvel is entirely ignorant as to why the Cap trilogy the best Marvel movies and steve&bucky the best characters, and they wonder now why steggy isn't well received. erasing Bucky from Steve's plot just makes the character boring. stucky isn't popular (entirely) bc they were played by cute white guys. it's bc their relationship adds depth, GENDERED DEPTH, to them and that's relatable to all the women that made the fandom so goddanm influential. Steve Rogers isn't your white male fantasy no matter how hard you try.

[prettyboypistol]

Yo, cis guy here, I've always felt a lot of shame about being super gay for the tf2 men, because it made me feel like less of a man. You reckon I could possibly get a scout or engie x reader when theyre calling the reader handsome, pretty boy, big man, and lots of masculine petnames? Smut or fluff or ignoring this is fine

I really like your work dude 😁

fellow cis guy here- I totally get it man. i'm glad that other guys like me enjoy my work. I also struggled with my attraction to men and fictional men were (and still are) my escape from homophobia and biphobia. Stay safe, you're valid.

TF2 Mercs With a Masculine!Male Reader

Scout

He loves squeezing your muscles and feeling your abs, totally not thinking of you as a goal for himself!

Nicknames include: Big man, big boy, sweet cheeks, hot shot/stuff, bossman, stud, etc.

likes the feeling of your facial hair when you kiss him- it tickle/scratches him in the best way!

Soldier

Thinks of you as the best man in the unit of RED! You're an exemplary man with gusto and power to spare! Solly fell for you when he caught you on a morning run "to keep yourself fit". That dedication got his heart skipping!

Nicknames include: Soldier, pride, the unit's pride and joy, big man

arm. wrestling. as. flirting., sparring. as. flirting. honestly anything that gets him up close and personal to you

Pyro

Hold onto you like a damsel in distress and loves how protective you are over them. As much as Pyro would and has protected you from enemy Spies, they like depending on someone who can hold their own.

nicknames include: My fire, firefly, my fireman, big boy, handsome

They love how you treat them like "just another one of the boys" rather than "the creature"- it really hurts their feelings when they're excluded due to how they cope with life.

Engineer

God he couldn't have asked for a better assistant. You grab heaps of metal for him, toolboxes, and sentries you can pick up with both hands and carry over to him!

Nicknames include: Hoss, handsome, big man, sir, boss

loves watching you work out while he works on his bench (sometimes even being your bench weight)

Demoman

He treats you like how he'd treat any partner of his, no changes. Demo's kind, loving, tender, but would let you fend for yourself to not baby you.

Nicknames include: dear, darlin', lovely, loverboy, handsome, best-shag-of-my-life

loves cuddling up to you and just burying his face in your muscles- but when he's not sleepy he is constantly hooting and hollering about how awesome his boyfriend is.

Heavy

a lot more friendly about his romance, treating you more like a best friend than a romantic partner in public mainly due to his anxiety about "being caught"

nicknames include(mostly in russian): lover, love, handsome man, hero, heart

he loves kissing your strong hands and sliding his hands over your muscles, it assures him that you're strong enough to take care of yourself, and that eases his worries.

Sniper

god this is a useless gay man. he sees you crush a bonk can and his heart skips a beat. you take off your shirt and he's speechless. you make him unprofessional and it ruins him internally.

nicknames include: Hotstuff, love, mate, darling, chickadee, big bugger, bear

he likes asking you to carry his stuff, complaining about his aching arms (totally not to watch you carry his things!!!)

Medic

ooooh god this man is a HOMOSEXUAL for you. on GOD.

nicknames include: honeybear, my love, my heart, my magnum opus, big man, beast

can, has, and will continue to flirt with you on the battlefield, no matter who sees him do it. If anyone gives you shit for being gay, he's instantly at your side and ready to beat them down with you

Spy

i mean... if you have a degradation kink go ahead i guess? he treats you like a bodyguard in public and is cold and callous in other's eyes. they think he hates you. In private however he is all over you. kissing, holding, embracing, etc., whispering sweet nothings in your ears.

nicknames include: my sweet love, my man, my handsome, big beauty, sweetness

although he seems uncaring in public, anyone who disrespects you gets backstabbed as "target practice" later when they least expect it.

[blitzwhore]

I love how Blitz seems to battle with masculinity tbh?? Like he'll bottom but make fun of Moxxie for taking it from a woman, he'll sleep with guys but emotions are gay as hell, romance is beautiful and adorable but also kinda cringe that a guy would be that openly sappy, cool to wear drag and makeup and look stylin' but also like Moxxie is suuuuch a little princess right?? Anyway here are my various massive weapons that aren't compensating for anything. He's sooo obviously tackling severe internalised homophobia and toxic masculinity. As soon as it's not a show of strength or independence and shows any type of earnest vulnerability he immediately jumps to insinuating that it isnt the right way to be.

Ugh, yes, this! It's really interesting, because it's mostly showed subtextually (I hadn't even processed some of the examples you listed here) and it's quite easy to overlook. But, once you put the pieces together, you realise just how much he battles with shame around queerness, gender expression, and the ways they relate to vulnerability and emotion.

I personally headcanon that Cash, his dad, was homophobic. Maybe not like Crimson, who overtly hated and condemned anything queer, which in a way may have made it easier for Moxxie to realise just how awful those opinions were. I think Cash might have been queerphobic and sexist in a more insidious way. Think things like maybe treating Barbie like his little princess whom he needed to protect, all the while telling Blitz to man up. Think 'those people'-type comments, always said with a lower voice and a knowing, scornful smile. Or 'why can't they just keep it in the bedroom'. Or 'I'm fine with it, I just don't see why they need to make their whole identity about it'. Think him chastising his wife for letting Blitz cry past the age of 5-6, because he was going to turn him soft.

I explored Blitz's internalised homophobia a little bit in my Oops flashback fic, and I really want to dive into it more in future fics, because his struggle is just so interesting and relatable to me, as someone who grew up with it as well. You can really tell Blitz's relationship with his queerness (and how it interacts with his trauma) was written by people who have first-hand experience with this sort of grief. It's devastating, but also healing, in a way.

[mister-tom-a-dildo-lover]

You know that new anime where the guy hears his bosses porny thoughts about him whenever they end up touching? Think of that for Tomarry. I know you said you don't do porn for these, but that doesn't meant you can't make Harry experience a wide range of Tom's interesting thoughts! Also congrats on the milestone! :3

A Cherry Magic! AU. XD

Fandom: HP Ship: Tomarry RATED: M-Rated(for language and descriptions XD) TAGS: Cherry Magic! AU, Drama, Humor, Explicit Language, Innuendo, Flirting, Pornographic Thoughts, Magic(in-universe version), Homophobia(in thoughts only)

~.O.~

For Want of a Cherry!

It was just supposed to be a legend! A little folk tale that was supposed to shame people for not being sexually adventurous or something! Because, of course, people would have to put so much stock into whether or not you have sexual experience.

The day that Harry James Potter turned 30 his world was flipped upside down. His friend, Ron, had told him about that. little legend last week, teasing. him about the fact that he was still single. His wife, Hermione, who had been their friend since they were in primary school, had smacked him upside the head and told him that there was no shame in not being in a romantic relationship, nor was their shame in either sleeping around or not sleeping around.

He'd been on blind dates of all sorts over the years. Some even set up by his friends themselves, but maybe he was just really boring. None of them had elicited any kind of reaction, regardless of how attractive the other person was.

Maybe he was just one of those people who was not destined to be in a romantic relationship of any sort. There were people who went their whole lives not getting married and not having children, and they weren't miserable for it. It was completely possible to live a fulfilling life without having a partner at your side.

But the one thing that Harry could never really let go of was the fact that he was kind of bitter. People his age liked to go out to the clubs, or go drinking, or try out illegal substances. They were experimenting with different forms of entertainment and finding the places that helped them be themselves. And Harry had no interest in doing things like that.

He was probably the biggest introvert in the world, despite all of the sports he played back in school. Despite all of the events he had been forced to attend to support his parents and their business. Despite all of the dinners the company he worked for orchestrated constantly.

Harry James Potter was just avoidant and hated when he had to go places and be with people!

But deep down, he did wish that he could finally have some kind of reaction to somebody! Being, the perpetual third wheel that was resting outside of all of his friends and their romantic relationships was really annoying.

And now here he was on the day of his 30th birthday. Now, suddenly, frighteningly aware of the fact that that little tale that Ron had told him in jest last week was apparently true!

The barista at the coffee shop he went to every day had always given him a bad vibe. He couldn't really explain it because she had always been positively pleasant, but it always felt very fake. Enough for Hermione to smack him and tell him that judging without just cause wasn't good and made him look sexist.

He didn't personally agree with that but knew it was something Hermione took seriously, and he'd never experienced anything sexist save for the time a guy thought he was a girl back during fifth form.

But today the bad vibes were proven to have been legit!

He'd reached out to accept his iced spiced coffee and his hand brushed the barista's fingers in the process. His mind was instantly flooded with her voice despite her mouth being closed.

He's so hot! He'd be great boyfriend material if he was more masculine and less poof-y!

For a moment he thought he'd imagined it. But no... he'd frozen in place and as such, their connected hands revealed more of her mind to him.

Maybe I can turn him straight!

He mumbled a nervous word of gratitude and shuffled off before he could hear any more.

Harry had to find out how this worked and if it was there to stay!

Also, the barista was a homophobe. Nothing like vindication for the vibe check failing.

~.O.~

God, his hair is perfect. It just flops around when he moves and gets in his eyes so adorably! I want to tuck it behind his ear and cradle his face between my hands!

I wonder if my mom will make curry tonight.

Those glasses made him look so dashing too! I could stare at him all day.

Sandra looks like shite, as always. I've always been prettier than her so what does John see in her!

Maybe, if I play my cards right, I can get him to agree to come to dinner with me tonight. Maybe I can even convince him to come back home with me. It's his birthday after all. I'd treat him so well too.

Fucking birds shat all over my bloody car and now I have to deal with this bastard's cheery face all damn day.

I don't even like him like that but he keeps coming on to me and he knows how I feel about it but he just won't stop! I'll need to call my brother. He'll scare Ted away.

I would bend him over the desk in my office and eat him out so well he wouldn't be able to walk afterward.

Harry flushed instantly and looked around, finding himself trapped in the lift with about a dozen people and five of them were touching him at once!

A hand on his shoulder made him jump, and he found Tom Riddle, his boss, standing behind him. The person Harry was practically leaning against in the far corner of the lift to try and avoid everyone else! The owner of that delightfully built torso.

The only one on the lift who could possibly know it was Harry's birthday... meaning... those horny thoughts had been from... him...

"Are you well, Harry? Your face is flushed," he said, placing a hand directly on Harry's brow to check.

His mind was flooded with Tom's thoughts immediately.

His skin is so smooth. I want to put my teeth on his neck and leave it ringed in bruises. I'd have him sit on my face as I decorate his thighs with my marks. My tongue shoving so deep inside that he sees star-

"I'm fine!" Harry said, backing away a bit, only to be assaulted with the thoughts of too many people at once. He stepped right back into the near-circle of Tom's arms, and tried to ignore how pleased this seem to make the man who usually seemed so unaffected by everything.

Since when was he harbouring... thoughts of this nature?

About Harry of all people?!

Tom's horny thinking was definitely more preferable than a whole host of screaming minds all complaining about different things at once, but God, was it embarrassing. He just thought like that when his face showed absolutely nothing!

If we were alone in here, I could have my way with Harry all I want. Hell, I'm certain I could fuck him from behind without anyone even noticing him sitting all pretty on my cock. It's sixty floors until we get to ours after all. If I stand in the corner with Harry leaning against my chest, I could get him off well before we'd have to leave. Shove my cock between his thighs and fuck them good and hard and push just the tip in at the end- he'd be a mess all day.

And Tom's hands were just resting on Harry's waist, holding him still as his face displayed concern that did not match what his mind was going on about!

Eventually, Harry was freed from the confines of the lift, but still found Tom at his side, holding to his elbow with most avid attention. "Perhaps you should take off for the day," he suggested kindly, brows knitted together. "I'd much rather you be healthy and whole."

And in good condition for when I wreck that arse of yours.

Harry flushed and shook his head. "I'm fine," he reiterated. "I can work just fine." And get to his desk which was across the office from Tom's personal office.

"Let me know if you change your mind. If all goes well, I'll treat you to dinner tonight to celebrate your birthday."

And then take you home and fuck you good and proper.

Wow.

So, it seemed... that Harry's body could react to something after all.

It just required Tom Riddle to be the one saying it.

~.O.~

A/N: Here you go! XD

I can't believe I did this.

[Ko-Fi]

[eroctickboys]

🔞 SMUT scene with SUNOO 🔞

warning: homophobia

Sunoo has always been your best friend. He is the type of guy that is really soft, and somewhat feminine. One time, after his school performance, You and Sunoo got over a petty fight. You keep teasing him that he's not masculine enough. He got pissed at what you did and pinned you against the wall.

You got scared because his vibe suddenly changed. His bright face turned to a serious one. At first, you are scared but the longer you stare at his face, you suddenly feel warm inside. Your legs are shaking in fear but at the same time you are feeling butterflies in your stomach. Your feminine best friend suddenly shows you his masculine side and it turns you on. You just want to keep teasing him.

"Maybe, they're right that you are g—"

"I dare you to speak more words and I don't know what I might do to you." He said, you feel tingly with his deep voice.

You tried to remove Sunoo grip to your hand when someone knocked on the door. "What are you guys doing?", your mom said. Instead of letting go, Sunoo kisses your neck.

"We're just playing, mom." you answer trying to stop moans from coming out your mouth. Your undies are now completely wet because of what's happening. Your mom might be thinking that he's gay but she doesn't know what really is happening inside your room.

[falcado]

Stully NSFW Alphabet

A - Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Billy: Not very affectionate, but if he feels Stu needs care, he can be protective and warm, hugging him to keep him from feeling cold.

Stu: A sweet mess. He jokes to lighten the mood but can surprisingly turn tender if Billy needs it.

B - Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and their partner’s)

Billy: Likes his own hands because he feels they give him control, plus they’re naturally long and slender. On Stu, he probably adores his neck since it’s thin, long, and easy to mark.

Stu: Loves his legs because of how they look in any position and because his height makes them long and lean. On Billy, he probably loves his intense, dark eyes (and maybe his teeth, though he wouldn’t admit that to Billy).

C - Cum (Anything to do with cum, basically)

Billy: Doesn’t mind getting messy, depending on the situation, though he doesn’t enjoy swallowing during oral sex and prefers to spit.

Stu: Has no filters and finds it amusing, sometimes even overly theatrical about it. Doesn’t mind swallowing.

D - Dirty Secret (A dirty secret of theirs)

Billy: Sometimes fantasizes about things involving blood, especially knives. He’d love for Stu and him to carve each other’s names into their arms or bodies after sex.

Stu: Has lots of fantasies, mostly related to masochism, whether spanking Billy or the other way around.

E - Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Billy: Calculated and knows what he’s doing, aware of exactly where to kiss and touch, though not as experienced as he pretends to be.

Stu: About the same level of experience as Billy, maybe slightly less, but the main difference is their distinct approaches to sex.

F - Favorite Position (This goes without saying)

Billy: Prefers being in control, in a position where he can dominate and observe Stu entirely. Likely enjoys being on top while maintaining eye contact.

Stu: Loves anything involving lots of physical contact. He’s more flexible and enjoys experimenting, though he doesn’t mind being on top occasionally.

G - Goofy (Are they serious or humorous in the moment?)

Billy: Serious, though not necessarily cold or overly rough since it’s someone he loves. He’ll adjust his pace if Stu asks.

Stu: Impossible not to laugh or make a joke. Sometimes he does it to annoy Billy or because he’s nervous and doesn’t want to feel sad during such an important moment with him.

H - Hair (How well-groomed are they?)

Billy: Always well-kept because he likes taking care of his hair, though he probably has a lot of pubic hair due to his perception of masculinity (in my headcanon, Billy has some internalized homophobia).

Stu: Likely grooms himself a lot, maybe even more than Billy. Unlike Billy, he shaves in the “bathing suit” area and likes being smooth everywhere.

I - Intimacy (Romantic aspect)

Billy: Struggles with being romantic, but if he feels connected, he can have deep and vulnerable moments, especially if he’s stressed.

Stu: An emotional whirlwind, putting all his energy into making Billy feel special. If Billy doesn’t reciprocate, he might feel discouraged but won’t show it.

J - Jack off (Masturbation headcanon)

Billy: Methodical, only doing it when he feels the need. Likely uses it as a stress reliever.

Stu: No filter, sees it as natural and even fun. Likely fantasizes about Billy a lot.

K - Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Billy: Bloody kink, dirty talk, impact play, and knife play.

Stu: Roleplay, praise kink, and possibly some interest in blood (though he jokes about it more than he genuinely enjoys it).

L - Location (Favorite places to have sex)

Billy: Prefers complete privacy, not interested in taking risks.

Stu: Anywhere, anytime. He enjoys the adrenaline rush of potentially being caught.

M - Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Billy: When Stu is vulnerable with him or says sweet things (might also have a praise kink).

Stu: Seeing Billy relaxed or angry (any intense emotion) drives him wild.

N - NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Billy: Can’t stand feeling humiliated or losing the control he deems necessary, such as being tied up.

Stu: Anything excessively painful (physically or emotionally). He jokes about it but has his limits.

O - Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Billy: Skilled but does it more to please Stu than for his own enjoyment. Prefers receiving oral over giving it.

Stu: Loves it. Enjoys both giving and receiving, though he can be a bit rough or use too much teeth due to his enthusiasm.

P - Pace (Fast and rough? Slow and sensual?)

Billy: Slow and calculated but can speed up if the situation calls for it.

Stu: Unpredictable. Starts playful and fast but adjusts to what Billy needs.

Q - Quickie (Opinions on quickies)

Billy: Tolerates them but doesn’t prefer them. Likes planning everything out for the best outcome and gets frustrated if it doesn’t go as envisioned.

Stu: Lives for quickies. Finds them spontaneous and exciting, loving to catch Billy off guard.

R - Risk (Do they experiment or take risks?)

Billy: Only takes risks he feels he can control but is more daring with Stu.

Stu: All about risks. Finds it thrilling and fun, though he can get nervous and back out midway.

S - Stamina (Rounds, how long they last)

Billy: Can last a long time but doesn’t like dragging it out unnecessarily. Might do two or three rounds if motivated but prefers one well-executed session.

Stu: Infinite energy. Always wants more, even if Billy is done.

T - Toy (Do they own/use toys?)

Billy: Practical but curious. Has probably researched but not purchased.

Stu: Likely has a hidden collection, many of which he bought as jokes initially.

U - Unfair (How much do they like to tease)

Billy: Fair but enjoys building tension.

Stu: Playful and annoying. Stops at the worst moment just to hear Billy complain.

V - Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Billy: Quiet, mostly grunts or heavy breaths, though he might let out an occasional moan if Stu is on top.

Stu: Constant noise—talking, laughing, or moaning—regardless of the position.

W - Wild Card (Random headcanon)

Stu convinced Billy to try Ghostface roleplay before the killings began, with Stu as the killer and Billy as the victim. Stu was terrible at dirty talk, and it was a disaster, but they laughed so hard it became a cherished memory.

X - X-Ray (What’s under the pants)

Billy: Prefers comfortable, loose underwear and always keeps clean.

Stu: Sometimes wears underwear, sometimes doesn’t—it depends on his mood when he wakes up.

Y - Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Billy: Linked to stress or repressed emotions. When aroused, he can be very insistent.

Stu: Always ready. His energy level makes him insatiable, though he’s less pushy than Billy.

ZZZ - Sleep (How quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Billy: Gets up almost immediately to clean himself but doesn’t necessarily leave.

Stu: Falls asleep like a rock, especially after multiple rounds. Always snuggles Billy before knocking out.

[brothermoth]

DEAR GOD PLEASE READ THE WHOLE THING I AM BEGGING YOU. PUT ON YOUR ENGLISH CLASS LENS AND ANALYZE MY EVERY WORD

~~~~~~~~~~

I've been lurking among the Tumblr trans community for a while, just reading people's thoughts and trying to kinda work out where the disconnect is here.

There is a major communication issue here. I'm transmasc personally, but I absolutely do not want to undermine the very real danger that trans women are in, especially now with all this fucking shit going on in the world.

First of all we can say with certainty that trans women do face a heightened degree of danger and oppression. I will never deny the existence of transmisogyny and I think we DO need to listen to trans women when they bring up common issues within the community that they've faced. Rocky Horror Picture Show, Silence of the Lambs, Ace Ventura—these are transmisogynistic pieces of media that violently villainize trans women. I think we (trans men, wider LGBT community) need to do our part to make sure that we are not supporting media that contributes to this. They're just movies. We can let them go.

[Watch Paris is Burning it's heartbreaking and incredible and I think everyone should know Venus Extravaganza's name because what happened to her and so many others is abhorrent]

Trans women ABSOLUTELY are very much visible to bigots. They're wearing those orange construction vests by absolutely no fault of their own and it's so so important to push against this. Transmisogyny is a massive problem and these ladies deserve to be heard.

This can coexist with the frustration expressed by trans men. It can, I swear. You know how? Because what both sides of this are asking for is to be heard, and to be listened to. We can acknowledge transmisogyny as the force that it is AND there can be space to hear out those discussing transandrophobia. These things aren't opposites! They're not.

Trans men are largely not denying that trans women absolutely face more scrutiny and violence. I've scrolled many a post, I've checked out the more popular blogs who make decent points on the matter. [I won't tag anyone or make mention by name. I don't want people getting attacked or feeling called out].

Marginalized men can absolutely say that their masculinity and status as a man contributes in a unique way to their oppression. Nobody is saying that "Men" as a whole are oppressed. Man is not a class. Woman is not a class. That is radfem nonsense and it has absolutely no weight to it. It is not for you to say that their experience cannot be misandry. They're not saying anything against women! They're not. They are saying "Hey this is something I've noticed and experienced and I think this word fits to call out these topics".

Radical Feminism is fucking stupid. I'm sorry, but it is (but many radfems are just people who are hurt and oppressed but it doesn't negate the hurt toward other people). I'm a feminist and I always will be, but as a history student I am very much trained to look at a wide picture of literally everything always. Look at the world, look at history. Read what people wrote before your grandparents were born and get a view of the world that is complex and contradictory at times.

Woman is not a class. Woman is an aspect, an identity that very frequently means oppression for whoever that label can be applied to. Misogyny is pervasive and it is real and it's woven into the modern world. But so is racism. So is classism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia. YOU CANNOT TAKE A SEAM RIPPER TO OPPRESSION. You can't split these things apart from each other. They're fused together and you are doing no favors to anyone by splitting them apart.

The thing about marginalization is that it is a hydra and you have to cut off the heads and then burn the stump to kill it. You can't just cut one and wipe your hands of the whole affair. Everyone is the sum of their whole being and their whole experience and we all deserve to speak on our own oppression.

Sometimes it's a bit conflicting. I know. Just let it be. It'll conflict, it'll be weird and confusing because it's supposed to be. Oppression isn't one system, it's a dozen over thousands of years. Do not pretend otherwise. It's not Us Vs Them it's a goddamn food web. It's weird! It's hard to grasp! Personally I think that wealth status is the more influential aspect (historically, currently).

My point is that queer men are allowed to feel isolated and demonized. That is not at odds with trans women expressing their own concerns about the very common transmisogyny seeping into communities they should be safe in! We can all listen and say "I understand, how do we work through this?"

Stop telling marginalized men that misandry isn't real. It's real if marginalized men feel that it is! Making them feel safer and more comfortable is not at odds with making queer women feel safer and more comfortable. Your inclusion should never be at the cost of someone else's. You fucking compromise.

On the flip side, men can put in effort to be aware of misogyny and how it affects their own views. A problem doesn't have to be the most pressing issue ever to be addressed! My leaking refrigerator doesn't mean your messed up light switch has to be neglected. Those are for two different professions! I call a plumber, you call an electrician. My issue might be a bit more serious (and cause structural damage) but your light isn't Not broken because my refrigerator is. Misandry can exist without overshadowing misogyny. Clearly it's not a structural issue, but we can still take a look at it.

I also think it's really upsetting to everyone involved when generalizations are made and insults are tossed around. Just fucking talk. Just talk. Transmascs always do this—transfems do this—shut up. We went over this in like kindergarten.

"I've noticed there's a lot of people who say [x] in these spaces"....."you know, I'm really not comfortable when folks say [x]" call out bad behavior. Absolutely call out bad behavior, don't let that shit stand. Call out the person doing it though. Ideology is not identity! An ideology can change. Terfs are usually women but not all women are terfs. They're women who CHOOSE to believe certain things. Generalizing is a massive issue and it's super common and it's stupid. Stop it.

Queer people are assholes sometimes because we're people. Call out the behavior not the identity.

Everybody shake hands and say I love you and be nice to each other. Write your strongly worded letter! It's better than just being an asshole. Trans people put on your get along shirt and burn Marjorie Taylor Green at the stake. Put Joanne Rowling on an inflatable raft and push her out to sea. You are not each other's enemies you want bodily autonomy and the ability to be safe and comfortable in your own damn body.

------------

Please don't dm or harass me. I mean the best and I'm totally willing to correct myself and change opinions of things if you make a convincing enough argument (hey, that's how everyone should be).

Trans people I would fight the US Senate for you. Me and a stick of my choosing. I'm going to bat for us. Trans women I love you you deserve to be happy and loved and safe. Trans men you deserve to be happy and loved and safe. Even if I personally don't like you as a person, I'm fighting a senator for your rights. Even if you're a douchebag. Queer people deserve the right to be assholes because everyone deserves bodily autonomy and human rights.

thank

[bengiyo]

Don't Care for an Old Man's Underwear Ep 10 Stray Thoughts

This watch made possible thanks to @isaksbestpillow.

Last time, Hasegawa had the baseball team talk to Kakeru about why he felt uncomfortable with them. Over a series of conversations, the guys came to a better understanding about how their behavior made others uncomfortable, and realized that sometimes those behaviors make them uncomfortable too. On top of that, we got to see the baseball team mingle with Kakeru's girl friends. Elsewhere, Moe asked Makoto to go with Mika to the concert. Mika shared with Makoto that when she was in a dark place, RANDOM gave her something fun as a mental break and helped her make it through. Makoto listened closely and came to the fantastic analysis that RANDOM is the Okita family's benefactor. He had a great time at the concert with Mika, let her hang out with her fellow fans after the concert, did some research on his new bias, and then finally shared his research with Mika. They had a fantastic night, and met their kids on the way home. They invited Daichi and Madoka to hang out with them, and then Madoka proposed to Daichi in front of the Okita family. They later went to tell Daichi's mom and it was beautiful. I cried. We left at the family waiting to hear from Madoka, who went home to tell his family.

Oh no. Mihoko is definitely talking to Daichi's dad.

The costuming here feels intentional. Daichi and Makoto have come so far together that it feels like they're on the same page with their clothes looking so similar in color scheme.

Also, Makoto has become such a better listener. He can respond in compassionate ways to Daichi now that is supported by the earnestness he's always had.

I just love how thoughtful Makoto has become.

Kakeru looks so much more relaxed these days. He's having big youth moments.

Aw, Makoto was trying on the makeup trivia, and they dunked on my man.

Madoka succeeded!!! 🎉

Is Daichi's dad back to be homophobic? Sir, do you realize you are in the penultimate episode of the improving yourself and unlearning toxic masculinity show?

I am mad. I like Makoto slowing down to think about how best to support Daichi here.

I am with the makeup rival that they may be unintentionally encouraging Shizuka to change herself for her romantic interests.

Sir, your intellectualized homophobia is not cute.

I remain a fan of Haranishi.

Mika is such a good mom. I love the way she listens to Kakeru and gets him to the emotional core of his feelings. I also like that she doesn't disguise that some things aren't easy.

I will never forget Daichi. It's so rare that the characters can tell you how their own internalized homophobia cripples them in front of their relatives.

Yes, Kakeru! Tell him to meddle!

Well well well, Kakeru, look at you taking your own advice.

Wow, this man has gone too far. Do not talk to someone else's kid this way.

Yes, Makoto. Please go kick this man's ass.

This is such a difficult episode. There really is nothing you can say to someone to remove the infection of internalized homophobia. It's so upsetting because we learn shame at home. That's what this man put into his son. He is so rude, and I need him to have his ass handed to him pronto.

This was such a great episode reflecting on where we all fit into the society. I keep thinking about the scene about the colleague of theirs who got downsized. We contort ourselves to fit in only to be discarded when we're no longer useful, and then we lose our spouses.

I'm looking forward to the conclusion of this show, but I know I will miss it so dearly.

[ginnymoonbeam]

Be My Favorite is digging into concepts of masculinity to a degree I haven't seen in Thai BL before. Since episode 2 we've been seeing the contrast between the kind of man Kawi is and the kind he thinks he should be, and 3 and 4 have drawn a big highlighted circle around what, for simplicity, I'm going to call bro culture: the whole complex of male social behavior that includes competition, ritual humiliation, stark othering of women (both "chivalrous" and not), and a rugged, deflective response to pain.

I'm saying bro culture rather than toxic masculinity because only some elements of it are toxic, although they're so intermingled that it's hard to sift the toxic from the non. You have to work to create a bro culture without misogyny and homophobia - although a lot of BLs (Bad Buddy, for example) do exactly this. Be My Favorite isn't interested in doing that though: it is presenting bro culture unsanitized, and looking at how our two leads interact with it.

On the one hand we have Kawi, who has very clearly always failed to meet bro culture standards, and who still sees success in that sphere as something to aim for. And it's not that the bros reject him outright. Someone like Kawi is great to have around, because for everyone else it means never being at the bottom of the pack. It's not that Not and his group dislike Kawi or want to hurt him. If you asked them, they'd say in all sincerity that they're just trying to help him out. What they're actually doing is using him to affirm their own superior bro-ness: whether they're helping him or mocking him, he lets them feel that they're succeeding where he fails.

Pisaeng sees this much more clearly than Kawi does, hence his facepalm when Kawi tells the other guys he's a virgin. Pisaeng could succeed in bro culture: he could be top dog in that group if he wanted to. It's because he could succeed that he's able to see so clearly that he doesn't want to. When a prize looks hopelessly out of your reach, it's hard to see that it might be worthless.

Pisaeng is frustrated because he's seeing Kawi try so hard to achieve something Pisaeng has already rejected. Kawi is confused because he sees how easily Pisaeng succeeds by bro standards, and yet he's still lonely and discontent. He's always been attracted to Pisaeng (just look at how Pisaeng's introduction, in Kawi's pov, is framed) but he has chosen to interpret that through the bro lens of admiration and envy.

I think we're going to have to see Kawi make a conscious rejection of bro culture. Whether that comes about through his deepening friendships with Max and Pear, or through realizing his feelings for Pisaeng, at some point he's going to have to decide that that prize is not worth winning. I hope we see this, because it's rare for BLs to deal so directly with conflicting views of masculinity, and what being gay or bi means for a young man's sense of self.

[brandogenius]

could you write something about Julien comforting the reader if the reader's family isn't supportive of their relationship?? ❣️

‼️RPF‼️

please take note there may be elements of homophobia here!! as a precaution

BLURB - julien x reader. - unsupportive family

- when invited to your house to meet your parents for dinner, jb was really excited. she wanted to make a good first impression. “should i wear a tshirt or a suit? or-“ you just shrugging, a little nervous “whatever you want baby, it’s just dinner at my parents house”

- your parents were always hmmm questionable. having a bit of different views compared to you. you thought it was ok however. especially when they would ask about your day and the boys. maybe they changed their mind ? maybe it’s ok now?

- “i can hear those thoughts from the other side of the room. princess it’ll be fine. one bad thing from their mouth and we can leave”

- both of you hand in hand walking up the driveway to your parents house. knocking on the door, your mother opens it. her smile fading away as she sees the two of you standing there. hand in hand

- clearly tensions were THICK. it was clear as day. being brought to the table, plates were set out. you were about to sit down next to julien but your mother took the seat. making you have to sit across from them.

- julien noticed immediately and stood up, going to the other side of the table to sit with you

- the two of you trying to be normal and eat the dinner but your parents just keep staring at the two of you

- “is there a problem?” julien looking up. both of you holding hands underneath the table

- your mom giving a weird look and sighing like “i just…didn’t expect you to look very masculine. you have a lot of tattoos” and juliens like oh no here we go ok. you having to hold onto her hand tightly afraid she might leap across the table

- julien going like “maybe so, but a lot of them are very meaningful to me” and you just glaring across the table at your parents.

- your mom would start picking out every small detail. from what julien wore to how she did her hair. “you’re a woman. you don’t even wear makeup!”

- at this point julien is a brave saint. with how much patience she has you don’t even know. angry tears forming as you stand up

- “why can’t you be proud of me? why can’t you be happy i’m in a relationship? why do you feel the need to belittle and judge someone because they don’t fit into what you think is acceptable?!”

- at this point you were tired, upset and annoyed. you just wanted to go home. going outside and into the car. you weren’t even shocked to know your parents didn’t even try and explain themselves. both of you left in a fit of anger.

- you breaking down sobbing. feeling guilty because julien was so excited to meet your parents. “sweetheart. hey- no listen to me” pulling over she hugs you tightly, cupping your face. “i was excited to meet your parents. but holt shit- fuck them. i wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. especially considering you told me a lot of the shit they said previously.”

- reassuring you it’s ok, julien brushing some hair out of your face, wiping the tears from under your eyes with the pad of her thumb. it was quiet, apart from the occasional sniffle from you or sigh from julien

- jb suggesting sometime maybe going to visit her parents another day. you met her parents and they were as lovely as ever.

- you decide to go home for the night. having a well deserved relaxed bath. you end up blocking your parents on most social media’s. it wasn’t worth the stress. wasn’t worth the insults thrown at you at the table earlier

[quidfree]

hello! i've followed you to indulge in your TSH content, having just finished the book and your fanfic Sober II (Melodrama) back to back! (i'm destroyed!!)

i'm wondering if you've given any thought to whether Richard (Tartt's Richard, or yours) is gay or maybe bisexual? he ofc probably would not make that distinction himself - given the time period, or his aversion to that kind of self reflection, or the apparent finality of his relationship with Francis, or maybe all of the above - but it's fun to think about now, especially myself being someone who now IDs as a lesbian after 10 years of IDing as bi.

thank you for your service 🫡

hello! love your username btw. and thank you, glad to have you in the quidfree extended tartt community.

i like the 'tartt's richard or yours' distinction- i would say i do make an effort so that (to me at least) my richard is a plausible iteration of hers, i.e. i do not like to write so that the characters are 'my' versions unless i think the source material is bad (or at least bad in that specific way). but some of my less serious tsh material veers further into the 'my' side of the scale, for sure. anyway all that to say i don't have separate sets of thoughts on 'both' richards, it's more that there's some stuff i'm 100% on being in canon and some stuff i know i extrapolated into the extended materials my tsh fic constitute.

all that aside, i actually do not have strong feelings on whether richard is gay or bisexual. i think both have strong canon grounding and present similar but slightly different psychologies of the character. the obvious thing is that richard is repressing his attraction to men, but whether he's also comphet in his attraction to women is debatable. he's consistently attracted to them and sleeps with/dates them across all of canon, but on the other hand the key female love interests for him are 1) judy, whose interest he doesn't reciprocate 2) mona, who he sleeps with post murder in a fugue state 3) camilla, who he deifies as a feminine ideal and also always lauds the androgynous beauty/looks she shares with her brother of and 4) sophie, who does lend the most credence to him actually being into girls but also is someone he latches onto when his whole group has deserted him and then fails to emotionally connect with despite several years of dating. of course that could be the trauma, the repression, or both! but my point is there's evidence both ways, no pun intended. richard has very distinct ways of thinking about men and women but it's not as simple as one thing- there's his own self-perception/masculinity, his sexism, his homophobia, and his sexuality all playing a part.

you're right that he wouldn't make the distinction himself, though- either way, his canon thought process is very much 'well i'm not one of those' and that's a catch-all. if and when he gains self-awareness it would have to be through a prolonged relationship of some kind, e.g. with francis in sober ii-verse, because one-offs he can excuse and repress. which is why i think once that sort of long-term realisation happened he would think that he had been lying to himself/everyone the whole time beforehand and secretly consider himself a homosexual (regardless of whether this would be accurate).

i think modern day richard would be more likely to call himself bisexual regardless of which option you go with as more likely. you know that quote from obama's biography about reading marx to get with bisexual college girls... that's somehow richard-coded but in the sense that he thinks calling himself 'flexible' or whatever lets him sound liberated but plausibly heteronormative. in any setting francis delights in the corner he paints himself into.

[superspecial-awesome]

s0 queerosexual hcs. for pride month

basically my interpretation of the cast in this regard is that theyre a bunch of annoying queer teenagers who will never discover this about themselves because they live in 1990s japan and all think there's only gay and straight and that being the former is grounds to be beaten in the streets

Yugi: the only one who has his shit figured out. transmasc and bi and he plans on taking that to his grave. he has a strong preference for women though so that part never really comes up. "attracted to every woman ever and one guy i met at a gas station six years ago" disease. also bonus points anzu knows he's transmasc and helped him figure out binding and shit

Miho: huge lesbian but "oh no it's just that girls are objectively more attractive than guys everyone knows that, i just haven't met the right man yet, besides every girl wishes they could date women instead that's why bakura is so popular it's because he looks like a woman." I also like to imagine that in an ideal world, she'd fuck with genderfluidity

Bakura: aroace and agender transfem. he gives me he/it/any vibes. I think partly due to The Mega Autism he never really understood the deal with traditional masculinity so he feels disconnected from manhood as a whole and would be a lot more comfortable being able to exist as something entirely detached from gender. I also think the swarms of girls at all times made him view women as some sort of other species entirely and he's got a lot of deep-rooted misogyny going on about it, but tbh anzu and miho could fix him. and make him into the vague girlthing he always was

Anzu: Idk what label to slap onto her but I don't think physical appearance or gender plays any role in her being attracted to people at all. maybe like demiromantic asexual. but i dont think demi is the term im looking for. definitely ace though.

Honda: "WOW I LOVE BEING A MAN I LOVE WOMEN AND RULES AND ORDER I DON'T AT ALL FEEL LIKE I'M CURSED TO FIT MYSELF INTO A BOX THAT'S TOO SMALL FOR ME" and he believes that wholeheartedly and then wonders why he needs to constantly prove himself over things that don't matter to avoid his mental health crumbling to dust. I don't think he's trans though I just think he needs to chill out. also he's bi and poly and the single most useless hopeless romantic ever.

Jonouchi: bi but i think his refusal to accept that as a possibility has made him very aware of a lot of other things he has going on psychologically. like his homophobia has somehow made him a more self-aware and chill person. "honda put his hand on my shoulder for more than 0.5 seconds and my entire nervous system took a screenshot does this mean im g--wait no im just touched starved huh i wonder if that has ever impacted my poor decision making in the past." also him being used for the cartoon standard "guy wears girl clothes and likes it" joke is grounds for me to hc him as genderqueer. I could absolutely see him getting really into fem presentation.

Yami Yugi: gay gay homosexual gay

Kaiba: transfem in the super dysphoric way but will absolutely never find this out because any time she becomes remotely aware of something bothering her about herself she just looks in the mirror and says "no." i also wanna say arospec and aspec but idk she's fully either. i think if i wanted to give you an accurate idea of how attraction works for her i'd have to pull up the homestuck quadrants and i'm not joking.

Yami Bakura: agender is a way that's like "dude I'm a ghost in a ring who cares." If you called him a she he'd be like "what" and then after you got two words into explaining he'd go "nvm I underestimated the amount of shit I don't give about this." His sexuality is no time for dat goku

[sondheim-girly]

alright chat, time to yap about Paul’s very comphet crush he developed on marcia!

warning: this is all based on things that the actors in the musical have said are canon about their characters, im just filling everything in with my headcanons. If anyone’s curious about what parts came from the actors just send me an ask!

-ok so first off, we’re just gonna ignore Darry’s canon age for the sake of these headcanons cuz it’s SO inconsistent in the musical and confuses me endlessly

-Paul, bob, trip and Darry are all in the same grade

-Marcia, Bev, cherry, brill, and Chet are in the grade after them

-and then two grades below them are Melvin and Sergei, but they’re irrelevant to all this (if u ever want me to talk about them tho I have so many thoughts dw)

-ok so it all starts when Paul’s in 8th grade

-even tho they’re all so young the guys are already starting that toxic masculinity thing in how they talk about girls

-and bob already had the biggest crush on cherry (he legit has liked her since forever)

-and b&b already know that they’re gonna get married and have planned out their entire future 🤦

-so there’s this whole expectation that Paul also likes a girl

-and he can’t figure out why he’s never felt that way before

-so one day they’re all in a pe class that mixes the grades

-and they’re all talking about girls and blah blah and someone asks Paul what girl he likes

-and Paul looks over and pretty much randomly picks Marcia

-and so it begins!

-they all make it this whole big thing about how he likes her, and when Bev finds out it’s basically over

-Bev thinks that Marcia is just too weird and needs someone like Paul to make her… more soc and make her mind her own business ya know?

-Marcia’s always been the kind of person to always speak up when she shouldn’t, and she’s too loud, and so she also feels this pressure to try and fit in

-so with some pressuring from Bev, she’s like ‘ok sure I like Paul and I’d go out with him’

-and also girly wants the validation of someone liking her cuz she’s insecure as hell

-so they start dating, and it is SO AWKWARD

-not only are they in middle school, which is always the recipe for awkward dating, but neither of them actually like each other as more than friends

-neither of them even like them very much as friends!

-they go to the movies once, and Paul decides to hold Marcia’s hand because he knows that’s what he’s supposed to do

-and Marcia spends the entire movie like🧍‍♀️I hate this

-after they date awkwardly for a while, Paul decides he should kiss her, cuz like… isn’t that what he’s supposed to want?

-anyways Marcia immediately cringes away from him and is like “sorry I can’t do this anymore! I’m breaking up with you!”

-poor girl was dating the gayest boy in town

-anyways he’s kinda relieved for a while

-but when he goes into freshman year he has this epiphany that he likes darry in the way he was supposed to like marcia

-and he doesn’t fully understand, but he freaks the fuck out and can’t look Darry in the eye for weeks

-so he completely gaslights himself into thinking that actually Marcia broke his heart and he still likes her

-and he keeps this up for a while, but it gets harder and harder to ignore what he’s feeling for darry

-so he kinda forgets about Marcia but keeps her as the default answer whenever the guys are talking about girls and being gross in the locker room

-but while doing that he’s totally messing around with Darry

-they both have so much crazy internalized homophobia but they’re also both so madly in love with each other

-they’ve definitely drunkenly made out on multiple occasions

-and sometimes when they were completely sober

-but they don’t talk about that!!

-anyways right around when Darry and Paul ‘break up’ is when Marcia and trip get together

-which is perfect timing for Paul because he just throws himself in to being ‘heartbroken’ over that instead of being heartbroken over his boyfriend dumping him

-and he’s just so freaked out about the way he felt about Darry that the he just forces himself into liking Marcia more and more

-and then we’re all caught up to canon!

[donniewatts]

                 𝑫𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑰𝑬 𝑾𝑨𝑻𝑻𝑺 & 𝑺𝑬𝑿𝑼𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀 , a short study.

i think i've put some emphasis on this on my previous blogs for donnie, but he really does struggle with his sexuality as a teenager and a young adult. there's a lot of internal homophobia going on. he gets mean ( whether that be violent or just loud and abrasive or all three at once is dependent on the situation ) whenever someone even so much as implies that he's anything but the tough masculine stereotype he's pretending to be. he does genuinely love to wear ripped jeans and tank tops, and rock out to metal and whatever. but on top of that, he loves having his hair long. he watches his weight and is particular about his hygiene, his wardrobe and his appearance. he loves wearing eyeliner like all the rockstars he looks up to. he struggles with that part of himself because of how his mother would verbally and physically berate him for acting 'unmanly.' ( for example, she once took scissors to his hair and forced him into needing to go to the hairdresser because he was refusing to go. that was one of the last times donnie cried so much in front of his mother, as her punishment upon returning home was severe. ) and it's hard for him to unlearn the toxic and unhealthy behaviours and thought processes that stem from that.

donnie also struggles with everything because of the strict baptist element of his upbringing. from a young age, it was ingrained in donnie's head that queerness was a sin. it was wrong, ungodly. all of that on top of the fact that his mother had him convinced that he was going to hell anyway, ensured that donnie repressed any signs of not being straight for a long ass time. many of his peers would also call donnie slurs, the scar that runs through donnie's left eyebrow was the result of a fight that broke out between him and an older kid who called him a slur and compared him to a girl. donnie, having been exposed to his mother doing the same to him all the time at home, snapped. in donnie's head? being queer was bad. being queer meant that he'd be punished, and so he kept it firmly to himself, and even then, he'd deny it to himself.

his attitude towards his sexuality shifts the longer he spends fostering his romantic relationship with james, it isn't an overnight thing, of course. it takes time, a lot of self-reflection, and him eventually coming out to his brother and sister-in-law, for him to finally come to terms with it all. brody and cassidy don't even hesitate to accept him. but even then, he struggles with his sexuality until long after he's had emma and anita's left his life. having a child puts some of his world views, traumas, and learned behaviours into perspective for him. it forces him to think about the way he thinks about himself, if he wouldn't treat emma that way, then why would he treat himself that way? is the way he begins to look at it.

with all this to say: donnie really struggles with feeling any kind of pride regarding his sexuality, and honestly? even when he's accepted it there's gonna be part of him that will always be iffy about being publicly affectionate with men. there will always be a part of him that will struggle with going on dates with men and whatnot. but, donnie being who he is and how he is, he pushes through it anyway. he's a shameless flirt regardless of gender. so whatever awkwardness that occurs with hand holding and other forms of pda will be glossed over by donnie flirting. in his younger days he tries to only sleep with women and never so much as looks at another man that way, but he gets over that with time and age.

[rv3rblog]

what was i made for?

writing smth for ftm!reader bc i am in fact.. ftm (and gay ! and poly yeehaw)

kyle “gaz” garrick x ftm!reader

warnings: maybe ooc, angst/comfort (more angst than comfort), transphobic remarks (not really shown), internalized transphobia, internalized homophobia

word count: 942

(this is lowkey a vent writing piece so.. uhh yeah!)

IT WAS ALWAYS HARD TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO YOUR FAMILY YOUR IDENTITY; they didn’t seem to care enough to take you seriously and it hurt.

It was tiring to explain that you weren’t a girl, that you were never one. That you were a man and you liked them too.

They either didn’t care or didn’t understand. They kept misgendering you, dead named you sometimes too.

Yet, throughout that pain, you didn’t cut them off. You couldn’t find it in yourself to let your family go. Although you should, that’s what your therapist told you.

It was odd. You found it odd to have found a boyfriend who loved you. Someone who saw you like you saw yourself. Someone who came up to you and asked you out shyly because he found you attractive and had heard your giggle and he was smitten.

But.

There was always a but.

Your brain couldn’t comprehend that Kyle truly loved you. That he saw you as a man because surely he’ll leave you as soon as he gets the chance to.

You were waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Your therapist told you that it wasn’t healthy of you to hold your insecurities so deep within yourself and not share them with him. You tried explaining yourself but it felt as if your therapist wasn’t hearing you.

Because how do you explain that you don’t feel like you belong? How do you explain that in your mind, in your head, you never felt like you belonged in a gay relationship.

That you felt like a fraud some days.

Maybe you needed to get a new therapist.

No, that wasn’t the issue.

You stayed in bed, curled up. Only getting up to use the bathroom. You didn’t contact anyone all day either.

Your brain was eating you alive.

You felt wrong.

It felt like you didn’t belong. It was an odd thing. Always a mess when you were in your head. You knew Kyle was probably worried, concerned for you.

You didn’t hear the front door opening. You didn’t hear your bedroom door opening either.

You didn’t see Kyle looking at you with sadness in his eyes. Just by your position alone he knew.

You felt the bed shift behind you. His arm hovering over you.

“Darlin?” he whispered. “Can I touch you.”

You nodded weakly and he pulled you against his chest. You started to sob. Your body shaking as you let go of your emotions after being bottled up for so long.

You didn’t belong.

You weren’t a girl. Sure, you understood the pain of misogyny and sisterhood was something special to you but, you weren’t a girl.

Sometimes, you barely felt like a man either. Sure, toxic masculinity was something you saw pre transition and experienced during transitioning but, what made a man a man?

Even when voicing your concerns to your therapist they didn’t seem to understand.

No one understood you, not really.

So when Kyle told you it’s okay. It’s okay darling.

You snapped. You pushed him away and got off the bed. Your eyes were puffy and your nose was runny. You shook your head, constantly repeating it isn't. It isn’t.

Because to you, it wasn’t okay. It would never truly be okay.

Kyle got up to hold you again but you shook your head, raising your hand to stop you. He stood in front of you, frozen in place, unsure of what to do.

You also didn’t know what to do.

For how do you explain to your boyfriend the demons in your head were eating you up? That they were destroying any sense of security you had.

The answer is, you couldn’t but, you tried.

You saw the way his eyes widened slightly when you started rambling. Your therapist's words ringing in your head.

Open up. Let him in. He loves you, let him help you. Let him in.

He shook his head, grabbing your hands and holding them. He whispered soft words of praise, understanding. He let you shake your head. He let you yell that he didn’t understand and that he never would, not truly.

He was trying and that was all that mattered to you at the moment.

You whispered softly that you didn’t feel like you belonged, not in a gay relationship and not anywhere really.

He nodded, encouraging you to talk.

You continued, letting him know that it was okay, if he were to leave you for a real man.

He shut you down there. He told you that he loved you. That to him, you were a real man. You just shrugged at his response, not truly believing him.

He wasn’t upset at you nor was he growing frustrated.

It always startled you, how calm Kyle was in moments your self doubt was loud.

He told you that you were a man. That you always were.

He pulled you into his arms again, his head resting on top of yours and you started to cry again.

Kyle may not understand, not fully but he’s trying. He whispers to you that he will always be there for you. That he loves you so much. How he’s so proud of you for continuing even though you’re struggling.

You let the words sink in. You know that some days are worse than others and today was bad. You melt against him, your hands gripping onto the back of his shirt.

Your body shakes as you sob. He lets your hair and whispers soothing words.

“You’re enough.”

“I’m so proud of you darling.”

For now, for a while, for next time, his words are enough.

[sorrowlikefalling]

not my usual post, but i care enough to speak.

tw: mention of rape.

was never so disappointed in the world ever. the fact that felonies, misogyny, rape, and other things arent deal breakers for the so many of us is insane. you would rather a felon lead you than a woman. a woman who wouldve stuck up for women. a woman who wouldve supported this country. america, you are truly disappointing. the world was in your hands and you let that man win. the only people who dont care are the ones privileged enough not to. women and people of color have to fear for our lives now. what about the girls younger than me?. how are they gonna make it. 2028 is gonna be long from now. day one and im scared for the rest of the world. fuck everyone who is privileged enough to where your vote doesnt affect you. you changed lives. ruined some. youre disgusting. you would much rather a man like him run, because to this world masculinity equals qualified. to the men, what would your mother think? what about your daughter? your sister? your niece? why would you only preach to your benefit. donald j. trump is going to fuck a lot of people over. thats what you want? he gave police immunity. they can shoot and kill if they want. he is taking away rights from minorities. the women. the lgbtq community. your votes are rooted in the patriarchy. he is a violent man. the most important election of our lives. ruined. god bless america right? liberty and justice for all? ive always said it was bullshit. they want you to pledge to idolatry and fuck you over. the united states is under a disgusting rule. were under control. we arent being worked with. we are controlled. congratulations to the people happy. all it means is that youre privileged. enjoy your silver spoon before it rusts. some of us needed kamala as president. this is what so many people fought against. you wouldnt be here without a woman. think of that before you vote. i wish i could change minds. hes going to deport the immigrants who moved here for their kids or future generations to have a better life. you took that from them. you took our choice from us. another shot for america, but throw it to the ground. they can afford for glass to break. we are in debt in unity. not just by finances. i wish we were more of the united nations than the united states. we are united by state but not by nation. good job americana. you won. you conditioned the world to bow to you and now you got your reign. words arent meant to be on a watch list. i wish we could fight more. die for what you believe in people. they wont get it until you do. im a woman of my own. not a woman of america. you guys wont do us right anyway. woke up in fear for myself and the rest of the world. what about the children. you selfish things. your mother would never be proud of you. speak up and speak loud. if you didnt vote, youre the problem. kamala deserved that. you let her run like water through our hands. you lost her. let her slip. now our fate is in cardboard boxes. houses are paper. you know how easy it is to break that? good job. racism, fascism, transphobia, homophobia, xenophobia, idolatry, right wing, white supremacists. men upheld by the social hierarchy. you win. give yourself a pat on the back. i hope you throw up and choke. you can call me a liberal, a snowflake, whatever makes you happy. i know based off of that you run most of society. capitalist fucks. bourgeoisie losers. we fought and you took it away. im gonna keep editing this and i will keep saying every word that comes to mind. do it big and do it loud. fight and scream and dont let them forget. brains on pavement mean nothing to those so high they cant see it. god america you disappoint me. fuck you and your eagles. you and your everything. selfishness. trump hates the rest of the world and the minorities in it. hes the majority. dont let him fool you. thank you.