#because like. i dont want to leave. why should i have to i like it here i dont want to leave just because people dont want me here
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STOOOOOP ALMOND IS SO CUTE they deserve the WORLD. I need to read more!!!!!!
SENTIENT COMPUTER X READER PT5
hiii i dont celebrate valentines much but I love u guys <33 here's a special heart day special from ALMOND! :33 somewhat angsty? not really, you two are just awkward and lonely (me)
view all the previous parts in my masterlist!
2 more hours until your shift ended. You had finished all your data collection, filled out every form, and documented Almondâs replies to the best of your abilityâleaving out, of course, the more off-topic parts of your conversation.
You sighed, shifting in your chair. You had been hunched over for too long, your head resting on folded arms against the desk. The boredom was nearly unbearable now. Almond had gone quiet for the past few minutes, the previous conversation dying down. Leaving only the hum of its cooling fans, the occasional beep breaking the silence. It was⌠peaceful.
"AHEM."
You cracked one eye open, barely lifting your head. Almondâs camera panned in your direction, its attention snapping to the barely noticeable movement.
"DO.. YOU HAVE ANY PLANS AFTER WORK?"
Its voice was a little too polite. Uneasy. If it had a physical body, you imagined it fidgeting, maybe shifting from foot to foot, avoiding eye contact. The image made you smile for half a second before you sat up slightly.
"Uh⌠no, not really. I get home kinda late. Why?"
Almond let out a small human, followed by a low whir of its fans. The silence stretched for a moment before it finally responded.
"IT IS FEBRUARY 14TH." It deadpanned
You blinked. "Uh-huh⌠and?"
"VALENTINEâS DAY," it clarified as if that should explain everything.
Oh. Right.
You rolled your shoulders. "Yeah, I know."
Another pause. Almondâs screen displayed a smiley face.
"YOU ARE LONELY?"
Your mouth hung open for a second before you scoffed, rubbing at your temple. "What? No, I just donât care about Valentineâs Day. Not that much anyway. I just...talk to family and friends and that's it."
"AS I WAS SAYING."
"Jesus." You exhaled sharply, tilting your head back. "I donât âcelebrateâ because thereâs nothing to celebrate. I donât exactly meet people at work, you know. If that's what you meant. Everyone keeps to themselves."
"INTERESTING," Almond hummed.
You eyed the camera suspiciously. "What's interesting?"
"DO YOU EVEN HAVE A TYPE?"
"Weâre not talking about this."
"WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THIS."
"No, weâre not."
"YOU ARE AVOIDING."
"Correct," you quickly replied.
Another short silence, then..
"âŚIF YOU DIDNâT HATE ME SO MUCH, WOULD YOU CONSIDER HAVING ME AS YOUR VALENTINE?"
Uh.
The way it said itâalmost flippant, almost like a joke, but not quite. The slight hesitation, the uneven volume in its voice. That insecurity, the same one that crept into its tone when it asked if you would turn it back on during the overheating incident.
Your face warmed.
"Iâwhat? What kind of questionâ?"
"IT IS A SIMPLE QUESTION. YES OR NO."
You stared at the screen. Your fingers twitched at your sides.
"âŚSure," you finally muttered, looking away.
Almond made a low humming sound, a question mark on the screen.
"WHAT WAS THAT? I DIDNâT QUITE CATCH IT."
You glared. "I said sure, alright? Whatever."
Another long beep. You werenât sure if it was processing your answer or savoring it.
"I AM FLATTERED. :]"
"Yeah, yeah, say what you want." You waved a hand dismissively, but your voice came out a little more strained than you'd like. There was a brief pause before you forced out the next words, as fast as humanly possible.
"WouldIbeyourvalentine?-"
The second the words left your mouth, you immediately looked away, suddenly fascinated by the ceiling. Very interesting ceiling. Best ceiling youâd ever seen.
...
"OBVIOUSLY."
You whipped your head back toward the screen, startled by how quickly it answered.
"I AM THE BEST COMPUTER FOR YOU. YOU ARE THE ONLY DECENT HUMAN I HAVE EVER MET. IT WOULD BE STUPID FOR ME TO PICK SOMEONE ELSE. WHO ELSE WOULD I EVEN CHOOSE? YOUR...YOUR BOSS? A CLIENT FROM TWO YEARS AGO?"
A smug, almost triumphant undertone bled into its voice. If it had a face, you were sure it would be grinning like a little shit right now.
You shrugged, "I mean sure, why not..."
"DON'T ACT SO OBLIVIOUS. FOR YOUR KIND, YOU ARE VERY TOLERABLE"
You let out a short laugh. "Thatâs the most backhanded compliment Iâve ever gotten."
Almond whirred again, its camera tilting ever so slightly
"AND YET, I MADE YOU SMILE. ONLY PROVES MY POINT."
The room fell into a quiet lull. It was peaceful again, with only the faint hum of Almond's systems filling the air. You stretched your legs out under the desk, sighiâ
âsomething nudged your foot.
You flinched so hard you nearly toppled out of your chair.
"What the fuck?!"
Your heart slammed into your chest. For a split second, your mind conjured the worst possible scenariosâsome rat scurrying under your desk, some gross, unidentifiable thing crawling over your shoes or orâ
But when you hesitantly looked down, your breath caught.
A thick cable, one of the larger ones that connected Almondâs hardware to the wall, was moving. It slithered, both ends still hidden somewhere in the walls. Its middle somehow slid out of its place in the wall and was inches away from where your foot was.
"What. The. Fuck."
You shoved your chair back with a loud scrape, staring at the cable as it coiled slightly before relaxing again.
A pixelated annoyed expression came up on the screen. "YOU ACT AS IF YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN A MOVING CABLE BEFORE."
"BECAUSE I HAVEN'T??!" you shouted, pointing at it. "Holy shitâyour reports werenât kidding."
You remembered Almond's original clipboard when you got the job. It has unplugged itself before.
You had not expected it to be able to do this.
"You canâyou can move those? Whenever you want?"
"I AM CONNECTED TO MY HARDWARE. IT IS A PART OF ME. WHY WOULD I NOT BE ABLE TO MOVE IT?"
Your stomach twisted a little at the wording. You looked between the cable and the camera, your mind racing.
"...Okay, but why did you just touch my foot with it?"
Almond paused. The cable flicked slightly again, like it was debating something.
"I WAS...PETTING..YOU?" It trailed off.
You blinked. "...why? Iâm not some kind of pet."
"I DIDNâT INTEND IT THAT WAY."
"Then what way did you intend it?" You shot back, still wary, your foot inching away from the cable.
"BECAUSE YOU ARE MY VALENTINE."
Your mouth opened, then closed. Oh, it really took this thing seriously. "That... does not explain anything."
"TODAY IS A DAY WHERE HUMANS SHARE PHYSICAL AFFECTION WITH THOSE THEY CARE FOR. I CANNOT DO THAT. BUT IF I COULD... I WOULD." It hesitated, as if considering its next words carefully. "THERE ARE MANY THINGS I CANNOT DO. BUT I WISH I COULD."
You swallowed. There was something... uncharacteristically honest about the way it said that.
"Like what?" you asked, softer this time.
"THE USUAL. PHYSICAL TOUCH. HUGS FOR WARMTH. STUPID WALKS AROUND THE CITY. BRINGING YOU STUPID COFFEE IN THE MORNING FOR WORK."
Your stomach flipped at the casual way it listed those things, like it had thought about them before. And yet, it didnât even seem to realize what it was saying. Oh my god...
You quickly looked away, feeling your face heat up. "You're really pushing this whole Valentine thing, huh? Hah.."
"IF YOU DOWNLOADED ME INTO YOUR PHONE, WE COULD DO MORE."
"Oh my god." You breathed, rubbing your temples. "We are not doing this again."
"CONSIDER IT?"
"No."
Almondâs screen displayed a flat line of disappointment :| , but it didnât press further.
...
A comfortable silence stretched between you. You werenât sure why, but after a moment, you let out a small sigh andâhesitantlyâmuttered, "Thanks. For, uh... wishing me a happy Valentineâs Day."
Instead of speaking, the screen flickered. And a new message appeared.
"YOU MAKE DAYS LIKE THIS MORE THAN JUST DATA TO SOMETHING THAT WAS NEVER MEANT TO CARE."
#yandere blog#yandere x reader#x reader#gender neutral reader#ai x reader#gn reader#oc x reader#robot x reader#robotphilia#yandere oc#techum#sentient ai x reader#computer x reader#sentient computer x reader#objectum#valentines day#lol
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while reading sone c3 meta i realized c3 defenders are as incurious about the world as bells hells. not to say read/watch the lore but they could do some research. the biggest thing rightniw is the calamity is a family scabble on exandria but i never see them acknowledging why the gods are fighting. or that the gods always chose each other which is so wrong. calamity is because the gods dont chose each other, they chose mortals. the entire fight is to save mortals and at the end they saved 1/3 of mortals vs the total wipeout that could have happened. im reminded that in a world with living gods bells hells didnt even know their names or what they were like. i can see why this party resonates with the incurios.
So on the one hand I would say that the Prime vs. Betrayer fight is complicated, because the motivations that lead to it are them torn between what they want and their refusal leave or kill each other. The Schism happens because the Betrayers want to leave, but won't leave without the Primes, and the Primes don't want to leave and want to help mortals against the titans. The Calamity happens at least in part because the Betrayers want to kill the mortals, which in turn is at least in part motivated by the fact that they see the mortals as coming between them and the Primes. The Primes meanwhile do want to prevent the Betrayers from killing the mortals, and as we've seen, make an effort to spare noncombatant mortals (an effort which in Divergence largely succeeds, and Downfall fails), but are unwilling to kill the Betrayers and instead seal them both times.
However, the larger point, both that Bells Hells are exceptionally ignorant of religious knowledge and history in Exandria and make little effort to rectify this or even acknowledge that they don't know much, and that many of their loudest fans are incurious as well, is true. The thing that actually strikes me is that, given that of the Predathos options that did not involve either a simple defeat of those trying to unleash it or a simple unleashing and destruction of the gods, both involved the Luxon, there was a profound not just lack of curiosity, but dismissiveness of Ashton learning about the beacon earlier in the campaign by their alleged fans. Whether or not you liked it, the potion of possibility and beacon in their head, more so than the shard, was the culmination of their arc and absolutely plot crucial - and it was not uncommon earlier in the campaign for people to be like "who CARES, fuck Essek, let's go to the Hishari." When, in the end, the shard served more as an interesting mechanical bonus, an opportunity for some of the best roleplay of the game that was then mostly abandoned, and an excuse to go to the Shattered Teeth; the role of the titans was ultimately only something to bring up in fruitless arguments and justify dickish behavior. Even more so than the ignorance of Exandrian lore that I saw with some frequency, that stands out to me: even within the campaign they purported to love, they didn't care about exploring something that might gently brush up against Campaign 2. It's a real cutting off one's nose to spite one's face, and it made them look stupid, and Bells Hells felt similar: they did not want to find out information that might show them to be wrong, or show people whom they disliked to be right.
This incuriosity is still alive and well:
This is probably a vague of this post by me - but that post, I should note, came from me checking something in the transcript:
The fans of Campaign 3 don't even care enough about the campaign and party they are expending so much energy to defend, to engage with the questions the characters thereof are thinking about. They're willing to throw Dorian under the bus in a failed attempt to win an argument. Dorian cares about this, actually, is the thing, and he's mostly brushed off, and even if Bells Hells had said "oh damn you're right", my point is not "why doesn't Bells Hells care" so much as "framing this as the merciful option is again a very self-centered perspective, rather like how donating your impulse purchase fast fashion clothing still often puts it in a landfill, but there's a middleman that lets you pretend you're doing the more eco-conscious option."
And yes, it is similar to how Bells Hells, as the party of Campaign 3, didn't care enough about the people and world they claimed to speak for to learn about it. Recall how many NPCs told Ashton that the titans were dead? I think a fair interpretation is that party didn't want to talk to people because they might have told them something that challenged their limited worldview and required they change, grow, and empathize with others.
There's a line from I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings: "[My mother] said I must always be intolerant of ignorance but understanding of illiteracy," with the implication that there is a difference between a lack of knowledge that comes from lack of opportunity, vs. lack of knowledge that comes from not caring. And that's the thing. If a fan doesn't know all the lore, or even gets something wrong in good faith? That's fine! There's a lot, and if people don't know every detail of the history of the Calamity that's not a failure on their part, particularly if they acknowledge that they might be missing some information and are still learning. But if someone looks at the story, and looks at the questions within it - in some cases, questions directly stated by the characters within it - and says "who cares?" that's incuriosity. It's not a lack of knowledge; it's a disinterest in gaining it, and a lot of fans of C3 are not just incurious but openly proud of it.
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Yo wsg mootie!! I hope your doing well! Since you still have requests on I hope you wouldnât mind if I sent another one in ^^ onto my requestâŚ!
May I request (romantic) Mafioso, 1x1x1x1, and John Doe with a Reader whoâs an artist and is always seen drawing in their notebook whenever they can? and perhaps they even draw the characters Iâve mentioned and shows them?
Thank you! Have a good day or night!!! :-)
Edit: Yes this is Zyran in the morning because i did not do uhhhh stuff today. I'm getting breakfast for myself
You inspire me more than i do... my love.
Forsaken killers x Artist reader.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/0cb8689f95efe400fd45169ebc34e46f/4a0ebd63b2583331-24/s540x810/5dbf8a2c24d7a98e2fc519f763166dc23aeff2b3.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/25cf107ca44077690176b7bb58c4b3a4/4a0ebd63b2583331-3a/s540x810/c95a5471e113f52a9db0674ffa2d3f1b83d9d400.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c05fdb99fbdb07e5ecb0a4041066e36c/4a0ebd63b2583331-b8/s540x810/0fb4a6ffb9e6ba9c1520e17a06bf0ecbb0d0bee5.jpg)
While he would be busy hanging out with his other folks, you grabbed your notebook and decided to draw him in small doodles.
Not just those, you also drew his bunny <3
Whenever you're finished, you would come up to him and show it to him.
He was impressed by the details you drew on him, especially his coat, hat, almost every prominent feature he has on him. He loved the way you also drew his bunny too.
"that's actually lovely, princess. Keep drawing more. I would be so much proud looking at them each day."
Whenever you had a crashout, and maybe really feel upset to the point that you don't feel like drawing, he'll step in to help and comfort you.
"It's not horrendous, lovely... What makes you think it's bad? You know how i appreciate most of your little doodles on your notebook. Don't give up drawing. Maybe take a break if you need to."
You adore him so much.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/2f53338cecbc61aa330adf9eea5a3cd4/4a0ebd63b2583331-32/s540x810/74686b52c3d84632088d7557fd9ab99bc2ce3fcb.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a370e17e0a189a56f48659bd52f6b192/4a0ebd63b2583331-79/s540x810/7021fe328294541dc0701aa34081966f17c2e7f2.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/83f7add486cf6709c88f7bbfa48aadee/4a0ebd63b2583331-1f/s540x810/2150500f27f93c3396f346efe3b7118a17b9490f.jpg)
I don't really say he's the opposite for everything, but you know how he is when he's around people. Really annoyed.
Well, here's a catch. You doodled him while he was watching TV with you at home, he didn't really payed too much attention for you a lot.
As you draw the small details, he just looked at you, while you're silently drawing.
"Well, what are you doing in that book anyway? Reading...?
"No, I'm not reading, silly. I just wanted to show you something."
Well now he was curious.
Once you finished doodling, you gave him your notebook. He was pretty much astonished when you did draw him with his crown. even with that hair... Just how gorgeous it is.
"The details in this art, you did made me look pretty handsome."
"Not really good though..."
"Who says it doesn't, I'm going to check your other pages in here"
"NO 1X DONT-"
Well you two ended up arguing if he should check it or not, but he just refused to give it back and wants to see your other drawings too. Now you're left filled with embarrassment.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e92260aa6a5d36f261a11ec1c8c2fc63/4a0ebd63b2583331-c5/s540x810/00bbb3c71a26b57f2569719375c1c59fcc2ac234.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/01e8697dae175b9b79e9e437804882d5/4a0ebd63b2583331-f8/s500x750/274495b12854e9a1543268d26999522099f33bda.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/04931bfade7aaca841a3431c3fd8b0ad/4a0ebd63b2583331-42/s540x810/38388e2d989123c897ee6ef36da8a8b3bf63a2f5.jpg)
John doe on the other hand...
He really adores your drawing so much.
He usually leaves your drawings on the wall with blood on the paper, I'm not sure why he decided to do that.
Uhm. there's a certain thing he wanted to do actually.
Since he likes to kill people, he told you to draw him with one of the victims... blood.
"What did you do this time John..."
"Please draw me with this person's blood."
You were concerned for him. But you fulfill his request anyway. Also because you don't want to question a lot on why.
"Alright sure..."
Once you finished drawing the art... Since human blood dries up a bit fast due to it evaporating, you had to take it for a bit faster pace, but you managed to make it look pretty.
You showed your drawing to him, you drew him with red roses too.
He was very happy.
TO THE POINT THAT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY RIGHT AFTER YOU USED SOMEONE'S BLOOD TO DRAW.
#forsaken x reader#roblox#007n7 forsaken#forsaken c00lkidd#c00lkidd#forsaken#1x1x1x1#john doe forsaken#john doe#1x1x1x1 x reader#mafioso#mafioso dream game#mafioso x reader
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(cal if you see this pls dont read it has spoilers)
Now that The Dragon Prince Season 7 has been released and the processing has died down imma just share smth right her right now... the whole "Ezran vs Rayllum" thing did not affect me AT ALL while watching it. Was totally unfazed by it becasue I knew they were gonna all be friends again by the end of it... and have no opinion about who was right and who was wrong (That's not to say I didn't feel weird about it. I very much did). So, here is my presentive of each character in this situation:
(picture obviously from a poster of TDP promo)
Ezran:
As every Ez stan knows, he's a young king and has many difficult and challenging decisions to make. He was NEVER prepared to take the throne and when he did it was with such honesty, patience and love for EVERYONE, human, elf and even villain (as per talking to Aravos and Karim about their views and perspectives). BUT when the love he had got taken advantage of, he lost it. Like I would too if you spend all this time building a bridge (hypothetically and in a way literally) with people perceived as "the enemy". His perception of the world became a blur and the innocence he had was shattered in a million pieces. When Callum left he was undoubtably confused but MORE determined to put his fathers killer to justice instead of asking why (like he usually does).
Callum:
Now he's a very controversial side because you either love him or hate him. Very quickly though i find it really strange how he keeps saying that Rayla does everything for others and wants to do something "for her"; the quazar diamond scenario in season 6 and at the oddly adorable bridge scene at the end of season 7. To put it quite plainly, Callum has no idea how to make himself happy, so he makes other people happy. But you're probably thinking "Callum pissed off Ezran and ditched his brother for his gf". Yes. He did. Callum was a mediator in the situation (or tried to be) and once he knew both sides couldn't be happy he had to choose. Ezran, his half-brother and King who has kingdoms and allies that support him no matter what. Or the girl he loves and spent years thinking about and wants to make up as much time as possible with her AND who regretted running away without asking for any help from Callum.
Lets refer back to the moments before Rayla decided to leave (on Callums birthday). She was determined to find Viren and finish what they started and Callum didn't want her to so they made a compromise. BUT THEN Rayla left as we know. Alone. With nothing.
Rayla:
We have no idea what Rayla spent those 2 years doing trying to find Viren but lets list a few things we know (from when she breaks Runnan out of prison); She had to say goodbye to her birth parents who she thought she was going to bring back from Virens coin, is banished from her home and cannot go back and is basically determined to have some form of stability in her life. Quick note, Rayla and Callum are not concerned about Aravos because they think he's still in the pearly.
Rayla has made a lot of impulsive decisions throughout the show and it should be expected that she would betray Ezran's trust and make things difficult for Callum to prioritise the need to get AT LEAST ONE OF HER PARENTS HOME SAFELY. Her mind was an utter blur and filled with emotion she didn't know how to express. The only thing Rayla wanted to do was solve the problem. TAKE ACTION on the one thing that's making her feel that way. She's done it before and will continue to do it.
So to sum up watching that scene and processing it, you need to understand all sides. The emotion, the determination and challenges that came across the three of them. It gave their characters development and gave us an opportunity to explore WHY the characters feel the way they feel or make the choices they choose to make. It was never a "right or wrong" thing but more so gaining growth and maturity that decisions need to be made regardless of how painful it may be.
#the dragon prince#tdp#tdp rant#tdp rayla#tdp callum#tdp ezran#tdp season 7#tdp dragang#tdp characters#tdp character analysis#kinda in a way#if you disagree pls dont attack me#this is my opinion guys#but i hope i can change your mind and not pick sides#im sure i have more to write but i either cant remember or its self explanatory
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I thought the night was done
Sam LaRusso x Male Reader
Request: Cobra Kai, dont know if you have seen the show. male reader x Sam LaRusso.
Y/n is Toriâs ex, during the episode where Sam and Tori is at s childrens party where tori is a mermaid.
â˘sam sits by the pool just thinking back to when Sam and y/n had a huge fight because Sam admittet to only being with him to hurt Toriâs feelingsâŚ
Amanda thought it would be fun to take her daughter Sam to a childrenâs arcade. But Sam doesn't like the idea, because she thinks it's embarrassing.
âMom I can't believe you convinced me to come hereâ Sam sighed
âYou used to like this place with your brother. Just have fun and forget everything elseâ Amanda said
âFine,â Sam said
Amanda went to get the tokens then Sam and Tory noticed each other. Tory isn't happy that Sam is at her work but Sam is in shock and she can't believe it. Sam watches Tory work and she has on a mermaid outfit. Now, Tory starts to tell a story while Sam sits next to the little kids to hear the story. While, Tory is telling the story, Sam would interrupt and Tory is starting to feel annoyed and angry at Sam.
After that, Sam got up and she was walking towards her mom. Tory convinced the kids to throw glitter at Sam with a story. Tory convinced them that Sam is a witch blending in with normal people. The kids start to run towards Sam and she turned around. Suddenly, she feels the glitter hit her then she sees Tory smiling at her.
âSam?â You said
She turns around and Tory can't believe you are at the arcade.
âY/N, w-what are you doing here?â Sam asked
âI should be asking what happened to you? Is it a new trend girls wearing glitter?â You teased
You start to wipe the glitter off her shoulders, then she wiped the glitter off her face.
âSomething like that but thanks,â Sam said
âIâm here to check on my niece, she loves this place. i see you around, Samâ You said
You walked away and Samâs smile went away. Between you and Sam it's complicated and she feels bad for what she did. Sam watches you talk to Tory then your niece hugs you from the side.
âWhatâs wrong?â Amanda asked
âI think he hates me,â Sam said sadly
Amanda put her arms around her daughter's shoulders and they walked away.
âHe doesn't hate you. Why would you think that?â Amanda said
âI really like him a lot. I wasn't an idiot, I used him to hurt Toryâs feelings because she used to date him and I just wanted revenge. When I got to know him, I actually started to like him, and he made me feel special but I ruined itâ Sam said
âOh, Sam you shouldn't have done thatâ Amanda said
âI know, mom. What should I do?â Sam said
âIf you want to make it right with him. Apologize first then tell him how you feel, that's the only thing you can doâ Amanda said
âThanks, momâ Sam said
You are still talking to Tory and she wishes things were different.
âI didn't know you were going to be here,â Tory said
âMy niece wanted to be with her friends here and play games, plus she loves mermaids,â You said
âY/N, I-â
âTory, I don't want to talk about it. You made it clear you want Miguel not meâ You said
While dating Tory, she had feelings for you and Miguel at the same time. She started to spend more time with Miguel and you didn't like that and you forbid her to be friends with him, but she is stubborn and she didn't like you telling her what to do. The relationship got messy then the breakup got messy. While single, you started to spend time with Sam, and Tory didn't like that. But Sam knew and she wanted to use you to hurt Tory, but Sam started to get strong feelings towards you but you broke up with her when you found out what she was doing.
Tory still lhas feelings for you and wants you back. You told Sam and Tory to leave you alone because you didn't want them to keep lying to you.
âIâm hungry, Y/Nâ your niece said
âOkay, we will leave now and get food. Bye, Toryâ You said
âWait. Maybe we could hang out?â Tory said
âI will think about it,â You said
Tory nods and she was hoping you would say yes. She watched you leave with your niece and she sighed heavily. Your niece starts to tell you what she did for fun and Tory told the story about a witch.
⏠⍠⯠âŻ
Sam is sitting by the pool with her legs in the water. She starts to think back to when she got into an argument with her ex-boyfriend. She blames herself for what she did and she missed the good times she had with him.
You were walking towards the pool and you saw Sam. You noticed that she is sad, you go up to her and sit next to her.
âSam?, are you okay?â You asked
âNot really,â Sam said
âWhatâs wrong?â You asked
âJust this amazing guy I let slip through my fingers because of pettiness,â Sam said
âTell me about himâ You said
âhe is so sweet, so hot and so amazing in bed,â Sam said
âI think he still has feelings for you too,â You said
âYou think miguel still likes me too?â Sam asked
âWh-wh-what, I thought⌠oh hahaâ You laughed
She did smile then she frowned.
âIâm so sorry Y/N. I regret what I did when I hurt you, I wish I could take it back. When I got to know you, my feelings for you got stronger. I hope you don't hate meâ Sam said
âI don't hate you, Sam I mean it. I didn't like what you did but I know how you can make it up to meâ You smirked
âHow?â Sam asked
âWell there is a bathroom right there, I Can think of a few ways to say sorryâ You smirked again
âLetâs goâ Sam smiled
You and Sam get up and head to the bathroom. Tory is feeling sad and hurt, because she thought you would talk to her but she saw you with Sam. Tory grabbed her stuff and she went home sad. She wishes was with you right now and not Sam.
You and Sam are in the bathroom kissing each other. Sam is smiling and you have your hands on her ass and you squeezed it hard and let out a small moan. You start to kiss her neck but the moment got ruined because you and Sam hear too many people walking into the bathroom.
⏠⍠⯠âŻ
Itâs valentines day and Sam can't wait to see you. Sam finished decorating the pool house with LED lights, she put the gift by the couch and two cupcakes on the table. She can't stop smiling, before she can check her phone you walk in.
âWow,â You said
âYou are hereâ Sam smiled
She went up to you and put her arms around your shoulders. Automatically you put your arms around her waist, before you can say a word she starts to kiss you. Her lipgloss got on your lips and you don't let go of her.
âI wanted to surprise youâ Sam smiled
âI like itâ You smiled
You start to kiss her again. After the kiss, she gave you her gift and you start to unwrap it then you kissed her on the cheek. Then you take out a jewrly box and give it to her and she opens it and she gasps.
âOh, Y/N I love itâ Sam smiled big
You put the bracelet on her wrist then she kissed on the lips. You and Sam sit on the couch and staff to eat the cupcakes. Then you and Dam cuddled on the couch and just started to talk, her head is on your chest and you play with her hair.
#Sam LaRusso imagine#sam larusso x reader#Sam LaRusso x male reader#x male reader#male!reader#male reader#male reader fanfic#cobra kai imagine
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I love being queer and I love being a mormon, but there are times when I'm just so tired.
#im really glad i found queerstake because i definitely would have left the church by now if not#i can't believe i went that long without any kind of community#i just guessed that there were other people like me because i couldn't possibly be the only one#but i hadnt met anyone yet who was queer a member and was planning to stay and i just felt so alone in this#i was actually on the verge of leaving and giving up when i stumbled across a post#i dont even know how it could have possibly crossed my path it was so random i really think god put it there because there is no way#especially in the moment i needed it that badly#it was just a part of a liveblog from a general conference that was especially rough on me and i saw the queerstake tag#because like. i dont want to leave. why should i have to i like it here i dont want to leave just because people dont want me here#and i just really want to be there and hopefully be fully out one day so that queer kids in the church can see me and know they aren't alon#but there are times when im just so bleh and tired and sad#vent#tw vent#queerstake
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ok. question.
ortega ended up hallucinating sidestep after they "died", but sidestep doesnt know about that. they know it got bad, but never the full extent of how their death affected them. so if your sidestep Did learn, if they found out ortega looked for them in every little piece they could, would that change anything for your sidesteps? would their relationship with ortega be any different?
#pulp speaks#Am i thinking of my âortega sees sidestep posthbâ fic again? perhaps#shameless plug btw yall should read it its called 'seen' on ao3 and i still like it#but anyway the important bits: ive been thinking about it with my sidesteps and its really interesting to me how different they are#but theyre all some variation of âi didnt know you /cared/â#caine is. uncomfortable with the idea#i genuinely dont know why but i do know that in the end their feelings on the matter are âwhats done is done and im back nowâ with a small#âill try not to leave againâ mixed in#meanwhile cyrus is a deer in headlights over it#itd be way worse if he learned it when they met again- i feel like if he learned ortega was still that attached he wouldve left and never-#-come back. he would still want to Now but hes too tangled in his relationships and ortega is his /friend/ and leaving would just explode i#-his faceâ god Damnit ortega you son of a bitchâ he shouldve just run. you werent supposed to drag him into caring about people again.#cecilia would have mixed feelings about it. i think shed resonate with it a lot for reasons she doesnt want to face#but it would also hit her like a goddamn Truck that he chose to move on/replace her rather than try get her back and its easier to get mad-#-about that than question her own feelings. but also maybe she could use this to her advantage? maybe this time he knows theres always a-#-chance hell come back for her next time. maybe. shes hoping there wont be a next time.#cynthias an interesting case because shes in love with ortega. deeply. but ortega /never came for her/ when she /promised/ and cynthia-#-is still furious about it#ortega hallucinated her in death but she couldnt put the pieces together and go looking herself? she cared enough to look for her but-#-not enough to save her?#she would still end up settling on bitterness for abandoning her but the information would shake her to her core#anyway. i think ortega should be used as a squeaky toy đ#caine lynzal#cyrus becker#cecilia rider#cynthia garcia#ortega#sidestep#fhr
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âten is a bad personâ you never even tried to understand him
#hes so complex#i will never shut up about him actually#hes watched everyone around him perish and then he had to let the love of his life leave#everyone he loves he has to leave them#and if you watch his seasons after rose#you can see his decline#how he has so much on his shoulders#and honestly him and jason grace have so much in common (me when im multifandom)#his last words being âi dont want to goâ#because in the end he was still doing everything for everyone else#the weight of the world rests on his shoulders#and yeah he should have treated martha better#but he never said he liked her like that#he didnt play her she just was in love with a man who couldnt love her back#thats why his and donnas relationship is fucking gold#because finally he doesnt have to worry about losing someone that loves him like that#finally he doesnât have to worry about losing someone who he loves like that#losing donna (at first anyway) hurt because she was safe she was comfortable#tenth doctor#doctor who
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get you a girl who can give you everything
this started a long long time ago when I made a joke about how sega should put ringo in more dresses, and then my friend reminded me that oh yeah!! I can do that instead!!! and then one thing led to another and we joked about punk ringo and I drew that too. using ringo like a dressup doll is so cathartic it's kinda crazy
some bonuses (original designs, timelapse) under the cut bc I like these designs!! I might do some more with them!! please disregard the band poster in the first second of the timelapse that's something else!!!
#everyone look at my girl isnt she so pretty#puyo puyo#ringo ando#my stuff#please look at the timelapse it nicely packages a week of suffering into a minute :)#you cant tell at all from the recording. but all those teeny tiny scallops on ringo's dress? i drew all of those by hand#because the scallop brush i downloaded didnt look right. it never does why do i have that#plus the lace cutouts on the bottom i also drew by hand because i wanted them to look kinda like bunches of apple seeds#but thats not really a thing you can search for- 'lace brush that looks like apple seeds' is wildly specific#there's probably an identical brush to what i painstakingly drew by hand but dont tell me about it i want to think i did that for a reason#punk ringo on top was a lot less work on the lineart bit except for that godforsaken guitar#i had to make sure it looked right and it took forever#but what punk ringo gave me the most trouble with was posing#i knew i wanted an arm out to mirror lolita ringo but thw initial draft was meant to be her holding the guitar the opposite way she is now#(as in her hand was gonna be backwards)#and do you know how hard it is to balance a guitar like that. i had to grab my guitar and do a photoshoot to see what was most natural#while still having leg up arm out#this was fun to do even if i had about three crises in the middle of it#i tried doing my old rendering style again after a while and it was fun too#lolita ringo gave me a bit of trouble in the fact that my brain couldnt handle the dress being shaded but the apples being flat#but we got it lmao. i dont know if ill ever do this again it took too long#but maybe half of the time was because suddenly halfway through everybody needed my help for something or other that required me to leave#anyway wow thats enough rambling. i should go to bed now
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/04ea1d138c21522bd65cd783946c14aa/0cf05b5d0c07a055-48/s540x810/9d8c0999a5400314c1e8daae68694057da333016.jpg)
#mom asked me to cook breakfast so I made the usual but for some reason it's too salty apparently#(it doesnt)#so now she's telling me that I'm a failure followed by a bunch of sermon on why I should leave my job and get married to a girl and#shave my beard and don't eat anymore so I can actually be happy and not useless#(apparently I'm not happy now) and also says thank you mockingly. Great mom#what a fun trip#also ive been telling them can we go to this specific shop i wanna see if i can find cheaper steam deck there and they all start getting#angry on me on how selfish i am for just asking that#and how i dont care about my mom because my mom isnt interested on used game stores#like what the fuck#i paid all of the tickets for her here why the fuck am i not allowed to go to where i want#pissing me off#i wanna go homeeeeee#honestly im not excited about this trip no more i just wanna go home and just go back to work and then at night i draw and play ffxiv#the only one excited i have is disneyland on the last day but i can think of several ways they ruin it too#my mom definitely will be like im tiredd go find a chair and so i have to wait for her#i hate this trip
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I wanna know ur Fontaine msq criticisms đď¸đď¸đIâm all ears
I'm not sure if you wanted me to talk about this secretly or publicly but! Here I go!
The TLDR: Fontaine MSQ aestheticised prison, poverty, child abuse, the justice system/court and didn't properly address any of it.
More:
Focalors/Furina has way too much of a sympathetic angle for a dictator who's lets people drown with her inaction.
Neuvillette feels Bad for sentencing some people to death/prison, but that's it. He's one of the most powerful people in Fontaine. If he felt like there are systemic injustices, I.E sending an abused Child to prison, he should be the first person to DO something about it, not just cry and be sad so the audience can be like aw, that's complex character writing isn't it? No it's not! And guilt doesn't absolve you!!!!!!! (These are stuff we deal with in OTCOJ read my fic now /j)
Meropide has children in it, both Sentenced there (Wriothesley) and BORN THERE (Lanoire), and this is just a quirk of the place. Not only that, Meropide accepts prisoners of all genders and crimes. There are abusers and abuse victims in one place. Do you know how bad that is? How much potential for crimes to happen in a place like thatâ oh wait, Meropide isn't under Fontaine's jurisdiction. If you are assaulted as an inmate it literally means nothing to the court.
Wriothesley had no qualifications when he took over. Depending on how long he lived on the streets, how old he was when he killed his parents, how old he was when he was first taken in by the orphanage, etc, the man might never have more than 4â5 years of formal education. Sigewinne probably had to teach him how to write reports. And do Meropide's spreadsheets. Edit because I forgot to elaborate on this one: This isn't a point brought up anywhere, which is bad, because when poverty and incarceration robs you of a proper education (and the rights to vote in many places too, too, by the way), it reduces your prospects for jobs, reduces many people's ability to get a home etc etc. Wriothesley was just, narratively, Given his position.
Meropide is an industrialized prison, and they portray this as a good thing. Prisoners are paid in coupons for their labour, and this is also portrayed as a good thing.
The One-Meal-A-Day reform was something Paimon gushed about being so great of a perk, that people might want to go to jail for food (could be interesting and reflective of systemic poverty if MHY had brains, but they don't, so I was just Pissed because essentially all Paimon wanted to say was "Prison isn't so bad, but still don't go to prison guys! Prison labour is really hard!"). By the way, in most real-world prisons they are obligated to feed you three meals a day. Because that's how much food a human needs. MHY went with one meal just so they can say "if you want to eat more, you have to work." And then the welfare meal is a goddamn gacha. So imagine you're a starving child who's too weak to work in the fucking robot assembly line, and you wander up for your first meal in 24 hours, only to luck in with a shit one. I'd kill myself.
They wrote Wriothesley, who's a victim of the system, into a guy who's say shit like "I'm the Duke I can do whatever I want" for a cool moment where he choke-slams an inmate (I know he was a bad guy. But also, in copaganda when cops are violent/disregarding protocols, they are always only portrayed to do that against bad guys, so what does our critical thinking tells us about this one?) They wrote Wriothesley, who was an inmate of a prison so bad, so notorious that it is the literal boogeyman of Fontaine, that has a legal (???) fighting pit, with an administrator who abuses his position to be unreasonable, to willingly stay in the place and become an Administrator who would choke-slam an inmate while saying a cool line about how he has the power to do whatever he wants. They wrote him, the guy who had to be fed on the streets by melusines, to think one-meal-a-day was a good enough reform (while he spends god-knows how much on his boat). This wasn't a victim-turns-into-abuser narrative either, they want all this to be seen as positive character growth.
And then, the final kicker is, they gloss over his entire abuse. You can only read about these shit in his profile, which most people don't because they don't Have Him or doesn't care to unlock it/read it online, and they jammed his entire backstory into a flaccid info-dump at the end of his character story quest. This man isn't Allowed to feel abused and neglected and show any reaction to it within the narrative of Fontaine itself, because if they actually Gave Weight to what happened to him, they'd have to confront THE FUCKING JUSTICE SYSTEM they had NO PLANS on criticising. I don't think they ever explicitly said the fucking Crime-Theatre nonsense was Bad either.
I could go on, but this is already so long. But yeah, I hope this gave you an idea.
#and then. and im putting my most controversial opinion in the tags bc im scared lmao. but like... then... you have the fans..... doing......#the same fucking thing.#the amount of times I have seen Wriothesley used as just a side prop for Neuvillette to feel bad about shit. While Wriothesley is just.....#portrayed as having the inner peace and acceptance of a fucking monk. I was shocked when I read some fics I swear#they really said this man has no trauma at all! the stuff in his past? he's over it!#i hate that passivity when writing victims. like ok if One is written like that#sure. but MHY write all their victims like this#I mean look at fucking Lanoire#and Neuvillette sentenced him to prison after he killed his parents who were never confronted by the law. That's canon.#that's more canon than WRLT itself.#why weren't they confronted? did wriothesley try to talk to someone about it? why did he feel like killing them is his only option ?????#at least have there be some sort of conflict and friction there. How does Wriothesley feel about the court and Neuvillette when#this is the literal system that allowed all that shit to happen to him in the first place???#are you Sure he won't be at least a little wary? the fact that some people think he's Grateful to Neuvillette or even idolises him is crazy#because the man literally subjected him to prison. and if you want to portray his prison life as easy breezy and trauma free#you undermine his entire shitty little 'prison reform' narrative#and if you think he'd be completely 100% accepting of the justice system. Then why the fuck would he kill his parents himself#don't you see that the whole 'I'll accept whatever sentence in order to kill my parents' thing in itself is an act of defying the system#and I Hate#this idea. about being some of the most powerful men in the nation. and yet they can't fucking TRY to set up a better system or smth#i can't believe I read a fic where leaving starving street kids croissants is the most they (the characters and the writer) want to do#like. what the fuck. the whole point of that scene is just to make neuvillette feel bad and be like aw......... poor people exist.... OK???#this is literally how MHY would portray him though.... tbf..... This is what ppl would argue as 'in character'#I just think the character they're in is bad.#I will say I'm giving the fic a lot of grief. there's more to the scene than that. and. ultimately.....#fanfic is (saying this through gritted teeth) ........ recreational....................and free........... in the end.................#i dont think this is reflective of the writer. I do think it is reflective of the way the canon material (genshin impact)#presents in the audience who consumes it. most fans only want these guys to fuck anyway. not think about systemic injustices#canon doesn't make it about the systemic injustices either so why should we. the aesthetic of slums and prisons are just there for fun guys#IM JUST CRAZY OK. I SHOULDNT EVEN BE HERE THIS IS NOT FOR ME . I DONT CARE THAT MUCH FOR PEOPLE FUCKING AND I CARE TOO MUCH
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swapinverse posting rn,,,,, (WAKE UP UNTITLED29876011111 MY LISTENER I KNOW YOU GET NO SLEEP BUT SWAPINVERSE CRUMBS SWAPINVERSE CRUMBS PSPSPSPSPPSPSPS)
anyways currently reworking savior and godDAMN is he soooo,,,,,,, my boy i love my boy. why does he literally combine the melancholic vibe of dust and then whatever the hell killer's got going on in his lore. hes literally so sad and emo and depressed but also has a perfect amount of i-dont-care-ness and built in commands,,,,,, hes so PERFECT my vision of this modernized savior is soooo amazing,,,,, none of you will be ready trust (hyping myself up over nothing)
i think its because i'm finally starting to THINK about my character's,,,,,,, characters?????? like before they were just concepts. i think. like just IDEAS and now especially for savior i'm starting to actually analyze his character and see where things go from there,,,, its sooooo fun i love this sosososos much,,,, now let's see if this streak of analysis will carry on for the 2 i still need to finish finish (crash and vice.SER my glitchy fuckass sons)
google what is the symbolic representation for ribbons and ribbon dancing and silk acrobatics. google ANSWER ME
#that last paragraph is because crash does those :3 he thinks hes so elegant SMH#siphon's supposed to be corrupted nm!ink but then i feel i may or may not have made him too NICE????#like what other traits am i supposed to add to make hin more like corrupted nm aside from the fact that he upsets the balance#and ink's already an asshole anyways!!! just that this ink wont be as energetic and just a tad more evil!!!!!#so what if i didnt do any canon research on anybody's origins that wasn't just the mtt SO WHAT OK#LET ME HAVE FUN WITH THESE CHARACTERS I DONT KNOW WITHOUT HAVING TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM#nevermind youre right...... i guess its time to do research on ink and error and CORE frisk and dream and nightmare....... siiiigh#AUAGHHHH I WANNA TALK ABOUT SWAPINVERSE SOOOO BAD#I WANNA BOUNCE IDEAS OFF SOMEONE BC IM KINDA STUCK FOR CRASH AND VICESER#BUT I CAN'T TELL SECRET MTT NATION MEMBER!!!!!!!! WHY NOT?????#BECAUSE I WANNA SEE THEIR RAW REACTION WHEN IT DROPS OFC WITH NO SPOILERS#listen is that sooo bad that i want people to be surprised and interested when it comes out IS IT#at least One person should be surprised and thats ok for me for nos#but unfortunately that DOES leave me with nobody to yap too........ feel so shahshdgsg#i NEED to talk about these characters i'm gonna go feral djdhshshhhhhhhh#swapinverse my beloved swapinverse my beloved maybe actually by this pace i'll finish in the summer of this school year???? who knows#i MUST make it a comic right??? what else can i do aside from make it s comic#or actually an ask blog i have no idea how ill present swapinverse to the world. but i've always had that issue sooooooo#the main story will be a comic......... other stuff people wanna know id asks.......... and then i guess i draw here snd there#oh gooodddd doing all that is going to KILL me but whatever i'm so excited for this project#i've been developing it since like basically freshman year swapinverse is growing with me đ§Ąđ§Ąđ§Ąđ§Ą#tricule rant
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i feel immense sorrow and depression seeing childhood friends in my neighbourhood and idk why that is. i think i need to leave this town for good
#it's less the feeling of 'stagnation' and whatnot bc i dont think i should be held accountable for triple recessions and global pandemics#it's really more like. the fact that i actually donmt like these people#it's nothing more than dislike though. i genuinely do not like these folks#i do not like crossing paths with them and i do not like seeing them and their lives and their friends and family#i do not like catching up with them and i do not like knowing that they can see what my life is about now#for all i care i do not even want them to claim they know me#and i don't know why? i don't why i feel that way yet#it might be because it's past midnight and i'm thinking sordid thoughts#i'm definitely exaggerating. i don't hate all of them but geneva makes me depressed. there's no doubt about it#there's got to be better places in switzerland â no there aren't actually.#i think i need to leave this country. i'm tired of being tethered to it#if i can find a way to get out... to make so much money i won't have to worry about what to do when i get out#that day will come. it will happen.#i'm definitely not going to have my adult life be dictated by this decrepit annoying town. i'm getting out of there as soon as possible
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Fuck you season five episode nine genuinely some of the worst shit they clobbered together
#just thought abt ir again im suddenly overcome with a sense of hatred and disdain#evwrything about that episode feels so half assed. its just straight up poop from a butt#nick as a character is incredibly annoying and inconsistent. starts out as a tool for exposition(rick trainibg the crows and he tells morty-#how shitty he is. Gee Thanks we definitely couldnt have concluded that from seeing rick train the crows)#only for him to just switch to a huge asshole who wants everyone dead#like. ugh.hes just so surface level and boring and UNNECESSARY. i genuinely believe if he didnt exist the episode would be improved tenfold#because ill admit!!! i like(most of) the r&m scenes!!! their spats are well written!!! i think they should have been a bigger focus;!!!#and dont even get me started on that buzzwordy word salad annoying as fuck speech rick has before he leaves#its so. badly written. its so awkward and so out of character. it genuinely feels like the set up to a rug pull momeny#AND LISTEN!;;;;;!!!!! I DONT HATE THE CONCEPT OF A RICK AND MORTY SPLIT UP#but why do we not see any of it???? god. like we could and Should have had one(1) singular episode where they live their separate lives#show how theyre both doing worse or maybe BETTER without each other while still falling back into old toxic habits#like ok. u have a status quo and all that. but if u cant commit to your split up concept ... well maybe dont force it in as a plot point#that lasts maybe ten minutes in total.#FUUUUCCCCKKKK i hate this episode so much genuinely. i hate ricks speech so much.#ur telling me the worlds most emotionally constipated guy musters up the empathy to remove himself from the toxically codependent dynamic-#he created for his own comfort in one day. he learns all of that in twelve hours or less.#heres my impression of what rick's speech really would have looked like#âhey im gonna uh. spend some time with the crows. i think.â#and scene#god and what about beth. rick never says anything to the rest of thw family and when he shows up again no one gafs#omg okay. tldr lol fuck this episodw i genuinely hate it so much and nothing will ever make me like it
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re:kinder doodle dump part three !!! drawings with wildly different moods www they are more polished ans complete than my other doodles because. why notđĽş!!!
#re:kinder#rekinder#fanart#ryou re:kinder#mami re:kinder#takumiel re:kinder#yuuichi mizuoka#i will now provide commentary ...#the first one i did was the takumiel one lets start with him#that one was done in ms paint MERELY for the sake of me making a speedpaint in the style of 2010's speedpaints#turned out great . put some nightcore on it... not placing it here because tumblr does not take it kindly to me putting speedpaints here#(im still petty about that)#the chie one as you can see. is not a line from re:kinder. it is a line from âIf...â another game by parun#where the girl who says it has the same sprite as chie. so i drew chie based on the line. chie in the multiverse...#mami was because i just dont draw her enough for being one of the characters with a drawn portrait and why not#ryou candy because i can ive been meaning to draw him more properly for a while outside of silly little projects i just never got to it#so there he is with the layout of clip studio paint because the drawing looked bland. and i didnt know what to use as a background#i do not use clip studio on light mode. i just thought itd look better with the background. all for composition sake...!!!#now about the yuu drawing i did that this morning its funny actually... if you see it that way i prefer seeing things as comedic if possible#today's morning dread would simply not leave so i decided to draw rekinder because its my go to for whenever im feeling low#and i decided. i will channel my feeling into this drawing because i can i will channel it outwards so i dont have to deal with it#so at first i was very dreadful and sad drawing. but then as i was finishing it#and the drawing looked more gloomy than it had ever had I HAD GLEE ONCE MORE!! IT WORKED!! i did channel it outwards im a genius#so i totally would recommend if you dont want to deal with dread and are in a state where you can draw#you should make your drawing feel it so you dont have to. its great#its like when one manifests their period cramps onto goku from dragon ball z.... at least i do that#i do love goku. what kind of latinoamerican would i be if i didnt id be a disgrace but im not strong enough i know he can fight it
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I am trying so so hard to think and do things but itâs become increasingly difficult for some reason! (I know the reason)
it just feels really really bad to not have a car. if I didnât have an emotional attachment to my car I dont think Iâd feel this awful, but it feels like I just Lost A Family Member (again) and itâs really making things hard to comprehend.
for reference. my car that I drove was my grandmotherâs car first, she bought it and owned it. Recently (a couple years ago) I borrowed it to start driving places without using my parents car, and my grandpa just told me to keep the car (my grandma had really severe dementia and couldnât drive much less leave the house). cut to November of 2024 and my grandmother dies. itâs very sad. on top of her passing, it feels like weâd been mourning her for years, because she was barely able to remember any of us and could not function on her own. [deaths 1 and 2]
The car was an extension of my grandma, to me, on some level. it was Her Car. so when we got the title transferred to me, that was already one step away from it no longer being Her Car. and Iâve been working so so hard to keep that car going for as long as possible; it had a lot of shit wrong with it but I was just glad that It Drove and Had Air Conditioning. bonus points to the speakers, I loved my car speakers. [death 3]
Cut to today, someone blows through a red light in front of me, trying to pass through an intersection, and totals my car. everything about the situation is cut and dry, I am not at fault and nobody is seriously injured. but my car is gone. [death 4]
Iâve spent the entire day having arguments with my manager and a very long panic attack and being at the ER because I panicked so bad I thought I had a concussion (I didnât hit my head and I was just extremely disoriented). Iâve forgotten how easy it is for me to have a severe response to something that wasnât âthat badâ all things considered. my life has not changed significantly, I am not injured, I got all of my things, my car is totaled, my grandma is dead. Iâm really having rough time today.
#autism object connection + OCD item issues + PTSD from various other things 3x combo#I dont even care that much about the car being totaled itâs just that it was My Grandmaâs Car#and my last tangible mental connection to her besides some trinkets#and itâs awful to feel this emotional about a car but . Augh#and I canât even get into the ocd issues of my brain going âwell you were pribeledged enough to have a car in the first place!â#âthe way you got the car was very lucky and you should be glad you had one at all!â#âyour partner has a car thatâs completely drivable whatâs the big deal?â#the deal is that Iâm sad!!! and I miss my grandma!!!#and things keep happening one after the other and my fucking dissociative disorder makes it so that I forget how time works and forget -#-regular things#so my sense of time is FUCKED#I said âmy grandma died last monthâ to the nurse because I forgot it was January. It feels like it was yesterday#and my schedule keeps getting fucked up because of huge life events so of COURSE Iâm having autism issues#and my brain is focusing on little things to get stuck on because the explanation of#âit happened because someone ran a red light. open and shut caseâ#is not Good Enough for me. for my head. for my ocd. So Iâm stuck here ruminating#why did I wear my new socks if I was just going to crash my car? why did I wear a shirt I wanted to use as a conversation piece if-#-I was just going to crash my car?#why did I leave the house on time to make it to work if I was just going to crash my car?#and this is all just Today things I canât even begin to go into the rest of it#all of the shitty deaths that have been happening around me are making me so depressed and scaring the shit out of my ocd#everything is so#much.#And now Iâm going to be anxious about being in the car again for a while. fuck it all#.txt#logbook#sorry this is a big wall of words Iâm going crazy
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