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#because its true -- someone somewhere will always need an accountant
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im in a dilemma. i know this is kinda dumb since im literally only technically a few months into this job, but i just. dont know how i feel doing this shit for the rest of my life lmao. there's always the possibility that im just feeling this way because im not really good at it yet, and i know that there's also the possibility of me really liking the job once i get further into it and get a little more competent and used to the schedule but auhghh. the temptation to just quit and do something else is so strong looool. i just feel stupid all the time and like ill never be able to actually fully grasp and understand the concepts that seem to come so naturally for everyone else i work with in order to further my career and Get Gud. though at the same time. i am extremely fortunate to be in the position im in and doing what i do so i feel like i shouldnt complain and like im just being whiney ahfksbgkdbhg. all very possible. doesnt make things any less draining or upsetting tho.
i wish i were still in school. or like. i could go back in time and shake past-me's shoulders like "hey. you idiot. you hate this career field. you hate what you're doing. you are not happy. get out"
i have been fantasizing about going back and just. starting over. and doing a neuro/english double major and going into medical technical writing, or technical writing in general. i just wanna write. i wanna know what it's like to make writing my career. and i feel particularly called to the medical field so that would be a good way to fulfill that urge without being a doctor or a nurse or something.
but then. u kno. theres an alternate universe where i Have this fantasized job. and im making this Exact same post but complaining about how much i hate medical writing and wish i stayed in accounting ahfksbfkdbg. grass is always greener
anyway. this is all making me feel very dead inside
4 notes · View notes
thewispsings · 4 months
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PR nightmare | oscar piastri
paring: oscar piastri x singer!reader
summary: y/n is considered a pr nightmare. let’s watch her get into her first relationship.
notes: yet another repost from my old account, i tired to make it exactly the same, enjoy!
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— y/n has posted new pictures!
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liked by mclaren, f1, yourbrother, and 737,938 others!
yoursername: my manger told me to tell you guys that the illuminati is NOT real and i was just joshing around !! 😂👍👍😂
view comments below!
user1: ugh this is SO BELIEVABLE
user2: | WAS WAITING FOR THIS POST
user3: yeah let's all ignore the "i wrote songs about an f1 driver!!!!"
user4: the pictures 😭
yourmomsuser: pic credits?
yoursername: you're like 60 why do you know what pic credits are ??
user5: the illuminati is totally real 🙄
mclaren: 👀
yourusername: NO THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING PLS LOOK AWAY
user6: no offense, but how did you stumble across F2 oscar???
yourusername: my brother is like a HUGE f1, 2, AND 3 nerd and he always forces me to watch races with him 😣
yourbrothersuser: you literally ask me to tell you when oscar's back on the screen???
yourusername: okay kill yourself????
yourbrothersuser: @/yourmomsuser
yourusername: GOD YOU ARE SUCH A SNITCH
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ynupdates: y/n and her brother; jacob, were seen at the airport earlier today, she later posted the picture on the right, on her story, confirming that she is in fact traveling. y/n has no shows coming up, and she rarely travels with jacob. thoughts?
view comments below!
user7: guys guys..the monaco grand prix in literally in two days.
user8: SHES GOING TO THE GRAND PRIX. I KNOW IT.
user9: why's her brother kinda??
user10: you can't even see his face 😭😭?
user9: I CAN JUST TELL
user11: everyone saying she's going to the grand prix are like getting my hopes up??????
user12: WATCH HER GO SOMEWHERE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT 😭
user13: okay guys..but we never talked about what songs could be about oscar
user14: IVE DONE SO MUCH THINK ABOUT THIS!!!
user13: GIRL PLEASE TELL
user14: OKAY OKAY!! one that REALLY stands out to me is "my love mine all mine" because, we all know y/n has never had a boyfriend before, SO when she writes love songs, obviously people speculate that she's in a relationship
user14: WHEN SHE WAS ASKED ABOUT THE INSPIRATION FOR "my love mine all mine" she said "i sadly do not have a boyfriend yet. but there is someone i've had my eye on for some time." SHE COULD HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT OSCAR AND WE DIDNT EVEN NOTICE
user15: istg if y/n doesn't show up in the paddock tomorrow, i will throw a fit.
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liked by mclaren, f1, yourbrother, and 837,938 others!
yourusername: i could tell you where i am and what im doing, but its funny reading the theories
view comments below !
user15: are you going to a secret illuminati meeting user16: pls y/n pls just tell us
user17: this is cruel AND YOU KNOW IT
user18: pls lord, let y/n go to the monaco grand prix🙏🙏
user19: there's no way she ISNT going to the grand prix, i mean she's with her brother, and he's literally like the biggest f1 fan ever?? why else would they be traveling together
user20: maybe they're traveling together because they're siblings😭😭 ?? it doesn't have to connect to f1
yourbrothersuser: y/n pls put the phone down. i need a good nights rest for tomorrow.
user21: TOMORROW ???? IS ??? THE ???? GRAND ??? PRIX ??? ARE ???? YOU ??? GUYS ???? GOING ????
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ynupdates: it seems like the rumors are true! y/n and jacob are currently at the grand prix!
view comments below!
user 22: 1 FUCKING KNEW IT
user23: everyone knew it...
user24: WHOO CAREEESSS oscar and y/n interaction WHEN ???
user25: ugh i NEED grid x y/n interactions RN
user26: y/n this, oscar that. WHAT I NEED IS TO SEE Y/NS BROTHER MEET MAX
user27: omg can you imagine how happy he is rn
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— mclaren has posted new photos!
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liked by yourusername, f1, yourbrother, landonorris, oscarpiastri and 837,938 others!
mclaren: monaco was a dream! thank you y/n for joining us view comments below!
view comments below!
user28: 1 SHOULVE BEEN THERE. I COULDVE METY/N. THAT SHOULDVE BEEN ME.
yourusername: thank you for having me🧡
user29: okay now make oscar and y/n kiss
yourbrothersuser: thank you for making my dream come true 🙏🙏
redbullracing: @/yourusername our garage next
yourusername: i think @/yourbrothersuser would enjoy that more then i ever could
redbullracing: he's always welcome to join 💙
yourbrothersuser: AHHHHHH OMG OMG
user30: okay now more grid x y/n content
user31: the way this became like a meet and greet for y/n was INSANE
user32: who would've thought there would be so many y/n fans at a F1 race??
user33: everyone's a y/n l/n fan.
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— y/n has posted new photos!
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liked by, mclaren, landonorris, oscarpiastri 763,928 others!
yourusername: do you think he'll try weed with me now that he's my boyfriend?
view comments below !
user34: EXCUSE ME BOYFRIEND???
user35: OMG Y/N GOT HER FIRST BOYFRIEND!! АННННН
user36: OSCAR AND Y/N??? HELL YEAH
user37: okay let's just pretend that doesn't say what it says 😭
yourmanger: y/n please change that caption.
yourusername: i don't know how ☹️
user38: WHO CARES ABOUT THE CAPTION!!! Y/N AND OSCAR SHIPPERS RISE
mclaren: in case that caption isn't a joke, y/n please refrain from getting our drivers high.
yourusername: YOU GUYS ARE NO FUNN
user39: i love how public y/n is. like she genuinely acts like she doesn't have millions of followers
oscarpiastri: love i already told you, we cant get high.
yourusername: YOU WOULD IF YOU LOVED ME.
maxverstappen1: i'll get high with you y/n 🙋‍♂️
redbullracing: no you will not.
4K notes · View notes
birdy-bat-writes · 2 years
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Coffee for Mrs. Seresin?
Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Fem!Reader
Content warnings: Pining, fluff, and uh.... caffeine? Mild swears, Maybe some banter. I have no clue what qualifies as a warning anymore, I'm so sorry, y'all:') Also, sorry for the spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors.
A/n: Should I be doing math right now? Should I actually be sleeping right now? Yes and yes, BUT no one can blame me. I was reading an adorable Jake Seresin Fanfic by @roosterbruiser (everyone go read Millie's work, it's gold) and I got an idea and I had to write it somewhere so here:D
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You were pretty used to people assuming you and Jake were an item. When an attractive guy and an attractive girl have been friends since college and spend as much time together as you both do, you suppose it's a fair conclusion for people to draw, but an incorrect one, nonetheless. And you really wish people would stop asking because every time you had to explain to someone how you were "just friends," it ate you a little more inside.
The fact of the matter was this: you were in love with your best friend. And it sucked.
You stepped out of your car and strode along the stone walkway amidst the grass up to Rooster's door and rang the bell. It was a cute little townhouse with a blue exterior and you often poked fun at him for how much it resembled a little wooden birdhouse with its colorful walls and white wood-rimmed windows. You suppose it's fitting since Rooster lives there and yes, he hates that gag. It also serves as your group's prime hang-out spot, which is why you're here now.
The door opened to reveal Natasha, wrapped up in an oversized sweatshirt with her hair thrown up in a claw clip. "Yes, you brought chips!"
"Yeah, you didn't really specify which flavor so I just got them all." You said, walking in. "Guests should start coming in an hour, right?"
"Mmm-hmm." The 7 of you were throwing a casual party to celebrate Jake's promotion to Lieutenant-Commander. You saw Nat lift her eyes and smirk. "And there he is, the man of the hour." You turned around to see Jake at the end of the staircase.
"Well, hello, Mr. Man-of-the-hour," you teased, setting down the numerous bags of chips you were holding.
"Glad you're finally here, N/N. I was starting to think you were going to leave me here to fend for myself against Rooster's ABBA medley." Jake wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you into his side. It was always like this. Him giving you butterflies you had to ignore because there was inevitably some other girl.
"Oh please, I would never leave you to fend for yourself against Rooster. I would join him and together, we'd overpower you and make you listen to ABBA forever." You grinned up at him and he narrowed his eyes, lips quirking up at the corners.
"Betrayal never comes from an enemy, I see," he shook his head at you. "I will leave you, lovely ladies, to yourselves. If you need me, I'll be in the kitchen." You watched Jake walk away and disappear around the corner. When you turned back, Natasha was still wearing that smug smile she always did when she saw you two. You knew it was coming.
"Nix, I'm telling you, if you say it, I'm salting your coffee." She knew you were messing with her but one of these days, you might just do it.
"All I'm saying is, shoot your shot! Come on, just once before you go settle for this rando."
"Mark is not a rando. We know him from accounting!"
"Exactly, Y/N, we know him from accounting. You don't even like the guy, heck you hardly know him."
"Exactly. That's why we're going to get to know each other at this party. I need to get over this crush, now. I can't keep pining for a guy who has no interest in me," you saw Natasha's mouth open as if to say something and you quickly jumped in, "And don't say he's interested. He's been with other girls multiple times and never once looked at me like that."
"True, I won't argue there. He's never looked at any of those girls the way he was just looking at you either." She took her hair out of her claw clip and it fell onto her shoulders in soft waves. "And ever since we all got back from that mission 3 months ago, he hasn't been with anyone. I really think he's got a thing for you but you're right. You should give this Mark guy a shot if you think he'd be good for you."
You smiled softly. You met Jake's friends when you were in San Diego a few years back. About a year ago, you were permanently stationed here and luckily for you, Jake was too. He settled here about 4 months before you. All his friends became your friends, and you've truly never known a better group of people. And they'd never known someone who could wrangle Hangman, so you were quite quickly welcomed to the group.
You and Pheonix tossed your sweatshirts upstairs and fixed up the last bits of your outfits just in time for guests to start arriving. You even managed to slip in a game of cards with Fanboy, Bob, and Payback before you joined a crowd in the living room. You barely felt the tap on your shoulder. If it wasn't followed by your name, you surely would have missed it. You turned on your heel to see Mark from accounting, facing you with a hand in his pocket.
"Mark, hi!"
"Hey. How are you?" His voice was almost monotone. His eyes roamed the room rather than meeting yours. He had just gotten here and he already sounded like he wanted to be somewhere else. You could have sworn he sounded more lively when you met.
"I'm good. I thought you weren't coming till later."
"I got off work early."
"Ah, well that's great." This guy really wasn't giving you much to work with. "Can I get you something to drink? There are drinks and food in the kitchen." That actually went somewhere. You headed to the kitchen where the conversation just barely picked up.
In the distance, Jake noticed your prolonged absence. As silly as it was, Jake liked knowing you were near him. You didn't have to be attached at the hip but he liked knowing he could saunter over to you and escape into your laugh when you came up in his mind. Which was a lot.
He scanned the room for you and stopped when he caught your frame in the kitchen...with some guy? Who the hell was that?
"Damn, if looks could kill...," Rooster muttered. "Do you not like that dude or something?"
"I don't even know who he is," Jake said through gritted teeth. "What's his name?"
"No clue. Pheonix?"
As if on cue, Natasha spoke up. "That, my friends, is Mark from accounting." Both the boys looked at her with questioning eyes.
"Okay, but who is he?" Something in Jake's voice was different now. Both of them looked at him.
"Careful there, Bagman, you almost sound jealous. He's some guy Y/N knows and I think she likes him." Phoenix was searching Jake's face for any sign that she was right about his feelings for you, and he never noticed because his eyes were trained on you like a hawk.
"I'm not jealous, Pheonix."
"You kinda sound jealous, Hangman," Rooster added, earning a glare from Jake.
"Okay, when we first met and you told me about her, you sounded so lovesick, I thought she was your wife. Cut to, you introduce us all and it turns out you're not married, or dating, but friends? I'm sorry, I do not believe that you two don't have feelings for each other." Natasha's remark sparked something in Jake. She watched the corners of his mouth twitch into a smirk so small, she almost missed it.
"I'll be right back." Jake stated, already pacing away. Rooster and Pheonix watched Jake make his way into the kitchen.
"She likes him too right?" Rooster asked.
"Oh, absolutely," Pheonix responded.
"You know, Fanboy has a betting pool on them."
"What? Get me on this, I have a feeling we'll make some money tonight."
Jake entered the kitchen to see you sitting alone at the table. "Got room for one more?"
"I don't see why not. Shouldn't you be mingling with everyone out there?"
"Well, the person I want to mingle with is in here." You smiled at him. There it was again, that smile that always left him utterly defenseless. "Who's the guy?"
You don't know why you felt your cheeks heat up when Jake asked about him. "His name's Mark. I met him when I was sorting reports last week."
"Okay. So, why do you sound so upset?"
"Because he said he was going to get us drinks 5 minutes ago and I just saw him leave with Commander Reeves' daughter." Honestly, you weren't upset because he left. You were upset because you were glad he did. He was boring you out of your mind and you two absolutely did not click, but it was still disheartening to know that this is what it was going to be like. No guy was going to measure up to the one you wished you were with. The one who was at this table with you now.
Jake was seething. What kind of idiot comes to a party and leaves you for some other girl? "You wanna get out of here?"
"What?"
"Let's leave. I'm bored."
"It's your party, you dork, you can't just leave!" You were giggling at a feeling somewhere in between confusion and disbelief.
"Yeah, it is my party so I say, you and I get out of here." He took you by the hand and walked you out through the back door to his car. And you let him. The chilly air swept you both up.
The drive was pretty calm. You didn't know where Jake was going but you didn't care either. This reminded you of when you two were younger. The long quiet rides in the car with no one but each other for company. He'd put on some cheesy 80's power ballad and you'd both laugh at it until you'd give in and belt it out at the top of your lungs.
"If you don't mind my asking, what did you see in him?"
"I don't really even remember. I think I just wanted to try and get myself out there. I haven't been on a date in literally years."
Jake hesitated before he asked. "So... what made you want to start now?" You felt the words catch in your throat.
"I'm not sure." you lied. You. I'm in love with you and I can't take it.
You felt the car slow down. You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn't even see where Jake parked. A cute little coffee shop and patisserie. Jake got out of his car and rounded the front to open the door for you. He already had you head over heels for him and he didn't even know it. Did he have to be such a gentleman? You weren't sure that you could fall even harder for this man but you really didn't want to find out.
"Why don't you get us a table and I'll get us something to drink. Don't worry, I remember what you like." You nodded and found a two-seat table by the french windows overlooking the city. On the left, in the distance, the last light of sunset was hitting the water and the top of the sky had started to go dark. Little stars twinkled above you. You wondered what it would be like to always be like this? Evenings with you and Jake, running off alone together from places and people you didn't really want to see. Taking comfort in each other's presence because it felt like home. Just then, Jake sat down in front of you. It almost hurt knowing he was right in front of you and you couldn't have him.
"Screw stupid Mark from accounting. He was not worth your time."
"Thanks. It's fine really, I'll find someone else. Someone less boring." When you met Jake's eyes, he looked as if he had something to say. Something he was holding back. "What is it?"
"Don't find someone else."
Did he just- Did you hear him right?
"What? Why?"
"Because-"
"I have a coffee and a latte for Mr. and Mrs. Seresin?" The barista called. You actually felt your heart skip a beat. Your eyebrows scrunched together and you looked to Jake for answers.
"Well, I think that's us." He blurted like it answered all your questions, a smile heard in his voice.
"Mr. and Mrs. Seresin?" You queried, rising out of your seat in tandem with him. "Why'd you tell her we were 'Mr. and Mrs. Seresin?!'"
"Because you looked so down and I thought I'd get a reaction from you! And it's not all my fault, Pheonix gave me the idea." Jake stated, matter-of-factly. How could he say that so casually?! "And you're still looking red so I guess it worked."
You both grabbed your coffees and sat down once again. It was dark out now. Once your laughs and giggles over your reaction were out, you remembered where your last conversation left off.
"Jake, why'd you tell me not to find someone?" You didn't force the question too hard into the conversation. You asked softly, not knowing how or if he would answer. He sighed before he spoke like he was preparing himself.
"Because...because I can't ask you out if you're dating someone else." The emotions hit you like a bombshell.
"You want to ask me out?" You weren't sure this was real. You were really about to pinch yourself before he stopped you in your tracks.
"I've been meaning to for months. Y/N, we've been friends forever, and I didn't want to ruin what we have. I know I should have told you before because I've liked you for as long as- Why are you smiling?"
"Because, you big dummy, I like you too." You couldn't hold it back. You were beaming. You felt butterflies and fireworks all at once just because the man of your dreams just made it all a reality. Jake held your eyes in his and smiled ear-to-ear. You swore you saw his ears go red but if you asked him, you doubt he’d admit it. "I'm really happy right now but I have no clue what to do next."
"I've got it from here," Jake reaches out and takes your hand in both of his. It feels like electricity is coursing through your veins. "Y/N L/N, would you do me the honor of going on a date with me?"
It took everything in you not to squeal in this coffee shop. "Yes, I will do you that honor, Bagman." You responded. He chuckled at you.
"Every now and again, I feel like introducing you to Pheonix was a mistake."
"Speaking of which, I really want to tell her about this but she'll get all smug because she was right."
"You're right. As far as people we don't have to tell yet go, Fanboy and Rooster have been betting on us. We can just keep it from them for now too."
"Deal." A laugh bubbled out of you as you thought about how the squad would react. And then a knock sounded directly next to you on the french window.
"Aww, cute," Rooster noted, his voice muffled by the glass, but still clear enough for you to hear his teasing tone.
"Left your own party so soon?" There stood Pheonix. Along with the rest of the squad leaning against Bradley's bronco.
"Shit." you commented.
"So much for keeping it secret."
———————————————————————
Tag list:
@glorified-red
2K notes · View notes
animentality · 5 months
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not to be a boomer, but I do worry about the current generation of kids being raised with iPads.
first off. some of them literally can't hold a pencil because their parents never gave them physical toys to grip and play with, developing their fine motor skills.
you might ask why do we even need to learn how to write physically anymore- well, frankly, because if you're stranded on an island somewhere and you need to write HELP, you might not have the strength to hold a pencil, but you can at least hold a stick.
but on a more general note.
writing by hand helps you remember things better. it forces you to focus in a way that typing something word for word does not. a person can transcribe what a professor says without even thinking about it.
someone writing notes has to consider what to write and what to omit. it also activates more parts of your brain, forcing you to flex the parts of your brain related to learning and communicating, while also engaging the part of your brain dedicated to muscle control and precision.
but in general, I think the issue isn't even oh technology is bad and kids are getting dumber.
you can have PowerPoints AND take physical notes. that could help you learn even better than the olden days where you just had to remember everything that was thrown at you. or read very limited, out of date books.
the problem is that the generation that raised/is raising this generation of children just doesn't understand the true impact that all this technology will have on their kids. or they just don't care.
because our generation had the internet yes, but it wasn't widely accessible for most of us, sharing our computers with the entire family in the kitchen. it was also the internet in its infancy, where it wasn't quite so predatory, when it was lawless and disturbing, yes, but it wasn't weaponized by corporations trying to sell you things and steal your data, it wasn't flooded with bots and ai and all sorts of things that the human brain can't even distinguish as real or fake, especially when you're just a little kid.
that generation still played with physical toys. we celebrated when it snowed and we could stay home.
we also came from a gen that still, vaguely, cared about some form of community and had third spaces for kids to hang out.
90s children, who still had some memories of both playing outside on a playground and playing Mario Kart on the Nintendo 64 with their friends, who both went out to the mall and had a club penguin account.
we grew up with laptops and smart boards. maybe some of us had them in high school or college, but we still physically went to class and developed relationships. learned uncomfortable things about ourselves and others, the way humans do.
met new people and were exposed to new ideas, away from our parents. but not from some fucking influencer trying to sell us Sephora products.
we had to study for things, instead of just being able to Google shit for some bullshit online test.
which is also something that really concerns me. so many kids today can so easily Google answers for every test, and while tests don't ultimately matter in the real world, they still provide some basis for things that do matter.
like I'm just imagining medical students googling how to perform an appendectomy on the day of, and just using a YouTube tutorial to guide them through, and shuddering.
there are some things that the Internet can't teach you.
there always will be.
but I don't think my generation is really helping their kids find the balance that we were given naturally growing up.
the boomers and gen xers had fist fights and we had bullying someone online until they committed suicide.
and now kids use AI to spread fake nudes of girls.
but the laws haven't caught up with a lot of this stuff yet, and certainly won't while we have dinosaurs running our government. and culture takes even longer to change than laws.
I also worry because I know how badly covid affected kids worldwide. how they struggle to read and do math, because remote learning just isn't good for kids.
and I can't even blame them!! I literally teleworked for 4 years and even I can admit that I'm not nearly as good at focusing at home as I am in the office.
it's hard for kids with social anxiety and disabilities, yes I know, I know, trust me, I have social anxiety, and as a hybrid worker ATM, I highly doubt I'd be able to handle 5 days a week in the office.
but it's also not particularly good for kids to stay home ALL the time, entertaining themselves in their room and never being challenged, and never meeting people other than their parents.
the iPad is more of a symbol of that problem than the direct problem.
if your entire... world view is limited to what you can see on your iPad... I mean what a terrible world view you'll have.
you're a 10 year old using TikTok and all you ever see is the same opinion over and over until you can scarcely comprehend people who have an opposing opinion.
you see fake videos that seem so real. that must be real, and so comforting, aren't they, those videos that seem so real?
you let 30 year old influencers who are trying to grift people shape your world view.
and it's not even your fault.
your parents aren't doing anything to help you.
you're young and you're being barraged with entertainment and fake educational videos and how to guides that accidentally create mustard gas in your toilet.
your parents should be teaching you to find a balance between these things. they should be telling you what's real and caution you about the things you see.
they should limit your fucking time on the iPad actually. take you to a fucking park and let you roll in the mud or some shit.
and then when you're a teenager and a young adult, then you can start deciding for yourself what you believe.
but a lot of these weird millennial/gen z parents, man. just let your 1 year old scroll through vids on TikTok while you don't even talk to them or look at them once.
maybe it's because they don't see the harm in it, but I don't get it.
adults can watch TikTok all day and know, ahhh this is bad for me. I'm not doing anything I actually want to be doing.
adults can see other adults doing dumb shit and say ah you're sponsored. someone paid you money to say and do that. silly.
but kids are just kids.
they don't have discipline and frankly, that's not their responsibility. that is yours.
you should be teaching them that they can't have everything in life at their finger tips at all times, actually.
the iPad doesn't solve all of your problems, nor will it think critically for you.
so I worry about if humanity can really keep up with its own technology.
our species is still in its infancy, believe it or not.
so maybe these are just growing pains, and future generations will be able to look back on this era and know the proper balance.
but as someone living in 2024.
I wonder just how much pain is left before we really mature and either make it or break it.
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ultra-raging-ghost · 9 months
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I reached post limit so im gonna write this and save it for midnight to post later 🥰
-10:30 EST
Richas made a reference/mentioned outliving forever and bad started screaming and sobbing for a solid 2 minutes and then started talking about how no no forevers probably fine cucuruchos probably taking care of him, richas asked if thats what bad tells himself to sleep at night, if he just lies to himself and bad said yes! if all else fails, simply lie to yourself and push your true feelings down to make it through this meaningless existence :D and richas said "so if we said the sky is pink at all times a day and just lie to ourselves its ok?" and bad said yes, we already lie to ourselves all the time we just need to think about how much lying we accept :3
richas thinks dappers colorblind
bad said his chats british 😭
time to read books!
-10:40 EST
bad is making fun of us for being sad because of angst(/lh/j) and sang a brief song about us being sad and mentioned "the sun is gone" just to torment us over forever being gone. He also went f5 said something like “if you think it’s sad now… anyway..... spoilers!!" implying it will get even sadder!! (terrified)
oh theres a letter for bbh and forever :((( this might be sad now that forevers. in his place. chats crying
-10:50 EST
Bad is screaming and crying because forever will never be able to read his letter, hes literally head in hands screaming and crying and hes letting the TTS read it out
one of the qsmp purgatory programmers wrote bad a letter saying he was supposed to die more and bad said hes a bug tester at heart and richas is bullying bad because of how many bugs he found and exploited LMAO bad said he'll fudging do it again
-11:00 EST
bad found ANOTHER wall bug to glitch thru, hes insane
-11:10 EST
someone said the word forever and bad is reduced to shambles on the floor, hes crying and whining forevers name in tears and agony and he made the dying "bleh" sound like 4 times
also bad mentioned that as soon as its confirmed to the characters like in-character that max is dead theyre having a funeral for him, like bad as the grim reaper knows but he hasnt told anyone, nobodys aware of him being gone, >>>>also he was ominous and said he needed to shoot max a message oorp and refused to elaborate. what the fuck was that about badboyhalo? <<<<<
-11:30 EST
Bad and richas and pomme wanna make an elevator death trap and then call foolish over to trap/murder him <3 chat is advocating for this idea. chat also wants to see the museum, bad said yes!!! Museum time!
before that, bad is being ominously silent again and is texting off screen. that max comment earlier + this makes me worried. MOVING ON THO BC HES SINGING HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO RICHAS AND POMME GOT HIM A PRESENT FOR HIS BDAY!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY RICHAS!!!!! (in brazil time) The present is Honey cookies! because richas got covered in honey and used as bait while they were away LMAO
Bad was talking about the 1k snow golems prank and was wondering if the cleanup team would be upset or love that, and richas said "lets say im part of that tio" and bad is now saying richas will take 100% accountability for that and will clean all of it up by himself LMAOOOO richas placed down signs saying "NO TIO I NEVER SAID THAT!! I DIDNT" and bad read them out loud as "Yes tio i agree i did say that ill do it!"
oh god bads spamming richas signs everywhere this is gonna fucking lag everything LMAOOOO richas crashed and bad kept placing until he got bored and said "yessssss richas will get in so much trouble hahaha! messing with the server!!!! bad then said "Richas always comes back" in the FNAF voice, didnt need to know you were an even bigger nerd BBH but okay /aff
-11:40 EST
Pomme is dragging bbh around on a lasso and is trapping him somewhere <3333 theyre climbing up the big ben and bad is taking SO MUCH DAMAGE he has his auto eat on
he accidentally said the word "forever" again and started crying again, his chat is in shambles.
MUSEUM TIME!!!!!!
HELP THE FUCKING ADMINS INCLUDED A DRAWING OF BAD LITERALLY STUCK IN A PADDED ROOM BASED ON HIS TIME IN JAIL, RICHAS SAID "natural habitat"
>>>>>>bad's crying again, and being horny because of how "cute" forever looks in the fanart, but mostly crying<<<<<
pomme started bullying bad because he called forever cute LMAO
tinas on!!!!!
-11:50 EST
Bad's crying again over art of him and forever in the pool he made in forevers base, the admins want to hurt him specifically/j
"treasure the wholesome moments chat, for they are just dust in the wind" -BBH 2023
bad took his totems out of his offhand again :)
Bad's crying again over another image of him and forever!!
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Hi Let Me Explain
Quick Note: This might be a long post so I don't blame anyone who doesn't read the whole thing. This is an explanation, an apology, and an update all in one.
Hi everyone I'm back this time for real. I won't make any promises to posting three to four times a week. I won't make any promises on what series or request will be updated first. I will reassure all of you than none of my series or requests are forgotten about. I have them saved somewhere and plan on finishing them. The plan here is to take it one day at a time. One fic at a time. As I start my journey to finding the joy in writing again.
You see I've been doing a lot of self reflection these past couple of weeks. I've been at war with myself on rather or not to let a dream go. That dream to become this big time bestselling author one day. I didn't want to admit that dream which has always been my biggest dream since like high school was doing more harm than good. The dream of being a published writer is destroying my love for writing. So I need to let it go before I find myself hating writing altogether.
Its never easy to walk away or let go of your dreams especially for creatives. I sort of feel like its harder for any type of artist in whatever field to admit that they want to move onto something else. Because we grow up having to listen to parents and teachers telling us. Its not a plausible goal and to pick a safer path or at least have a backup goal. And most of us decide right then and there no matter what we're going to prove all those people wrong. No matter what obstacles we have to face, how many times we fail, or how long it takes. We are determined to find success with our craft and make them eat those words.
Some of us refuse to even consider another interest or path. Some of us put all our eggs in one basket. Some of us let our craft become our entire identity meaning. Later on if we want to walk away or maybe just put on the back burner for a while. Its like losing who you are as a person. You feel like you've failed yourself and at life for letting go. I say letting go and not giving up because I will never give up on writing or more specifically storytelling.
Storytelling made me the person I am today. I wouldn't be here today without my love for storytelling. It got me out of some dark places as a kid and still does today. Storytelling is the only real magic in this world.
As a writer who feel like the heart of storytelling is dying because of capitalism. I can't let it go. I can't let my love for it die which is why for now I have to let the dream go. It doesn't mean my dream still won't come true one day. And its not like becoming a bestselling author is my only dream. I have other dreams that have take the backseat, and I think its time to move them to the front seat.
For now on I write for the joy of it. I write to get those stories out of me. When it comes to my writing I don't ever want it to be about money or fame. Starting now I'm going to stop stressing over traditional publishing and rather or not I'll ever be good enough.
I'm sorry everyone for being gone so long. For a while a part of me started to contemplate giving up on writing altogether and even deleting this account. I was starting to hate writing because I was so stressed trying to figure out how to achieve success as a professional writer.
I once had a stranger who I didn't know at all tell me that one day I was going to be a great writer. Never met or talked to this guy a day in my life. I felt like it was a sign from God, the universe or whatever you believe in. Either way it was some divine intervention moment letting me know I was one day destined for a long and great career as a professional writer. But do you have to be a professional writer to be a great writer? Is it the same thing? Can someone be great at something but never find traditional success? Those are the questions that have been running my head every time I thought about letting go. I still going to struggle with those questions, but I hope one day I find the answer. What makes a great writer?
After going through my old fics the ones I'm going to get started on are:
Queen Ramonda x Reader Enemies to Lover
Part 2 to being Namor's daughter and choosing Wakanda over Talokan
Steal Your Heart
Not Who You Think I Am
New Marvel Stuff
New Addition
My Hero Academia imagines because its my new anime obsession
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the-broken-truth · 11 months
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Best Friend - Yandere Cassandra Savage [2]
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Parts: [1] - [2] (You Have Arrived) - [3]
Recap: The secret of Cassandra has been revealed, and her plan to easily claim the one she loves has fallen apart. However, she is a Savage who will stop at nothing to get what she wants. You can try to run and hide, but Cassandra is determined to take what she desires.
It has been three weeks since Cassandra was revealed to the one she desires by Artemis. If her life as a Savage wasn't already difficult enough, it was about to get even harder because she was being guarded by Artemis and the Members of Young Justice 24/7. Despite having purchased a small apartment with funds that her father knew nothing about, or at the very least, she hoped he didn't know about her secret account, Cassandra was being monitored by security cameras hooked up to monitors in her living room. Although she showed up at work every single day since running away, she never stayed in her apartment alone. Artemis made sure that someone was always with her when she went to collect her clothes and mail, before returning to an unknown location that Cassandra couldn't pinpoint. This situation made her Savage Blood boil more each day.
Where were they taking you?
Why couldn't she find you?
Why weren't you answering her calls?
Why couldn't you give her the chance to explain?
Cassandra knew the answer to the last 2 questions but she still wanted to hear the answers from your lips; the lips she desired to kiss with her sweetest dreams every night. She knew that you didn't really hate her - she'd known you too long to be unable to read your true emotions. She knew you were hurt by the memory of your slaughtered parents and the fact she had blood ties with the man who took them away from you. You were confused and blinded by grief but she would make you understand that everything happened for a reason. If her father never released their souls from their bodies, you would have never met her; fate and tragedy brought you both together, it was your destiny to be together and there was nothing you could do to stop it.
Cassandra thought about abducting you from your very job but she was instructed by the shadows and they didn't operate during the day; she needed to be careful about this or else her father would catch wind of this and who knew what he would do to you if he thought you were distracting his future heir. She knew and she didn't want it to happen. She had to do something and fast - she needed to find you and take you away to somewhere only she knew; she would keep you safe from everything...all you had to do in return was love her unconditionally.
On your end, you just finished a shift and you were exhausted - all you wanted to do was go home and relax but you knew the members of Young Justice wanted to keep you safe. You waited in front of the place when Connor Kent - The Superboy - walked up with Wolf by his side. The 3 of you walked down the street to reach your apartment to get the mail and some clothes, you managed to get to the front of the building when Connor's keen hearing picked up on someone screaming for help. He told you to hide in your apartment and keep the doors locked until he investigated; with that, he and Wolf bolted in the direction of the screaming while you rushed to your apartment and quickly got inside before you locked the door and exhaled.
You looked around and instantly felt like something wasn't right but everything looked the same as you left it the last time you were there but you couldn't shake the feeling something was wrong. You walked around the apartment and everything was kept the same; you exhaled, chalking it up to being paranoid. You started collecting clothes for the week when you heard something falling in your room, you nearly jumped out of your skin as you carefully walked into the room to see the picture you kept of your family had fallen from its place on the nightstand. You exhaled once again and walked over to the downed picture, you picked it up and looked at it before placing it back where it belonged. You turned and froze as your [Eye Color] eyes hit familiar brown eyes.
Your blood froze in your body.
"Fate... cannot be evaded or eluded. Those who attempt this...are doomed to fail." That voice.
This couldn't be happening!
Before you could make a move, a hand wrapped around your mouth and nose with a soaked cloth between the two.
'Chloroform!' You held your breath as long as you could as you struggled against the grip that held you still.
"Do not fight. Everything shall make sense once all the pieces are together once again. Cease your fight... All shall be as it's meant to be." the voice spoke softly. You tried to fight but your lungs screamed for air and you eventually attempted to breathe, but the smell overridden your senses and soon, you fell into a void of darkness.
Broken Truth: End of Part 2. One part left. I'm sure you guys will like the last part, a very good friend of mine gave me the perfect idea for this. Thoughts and comments are welcome but please be respectful.
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opalsiren · 5 months
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some ttpd speculation/predictions/hypotheses under the cut. don't take this too seriously it's just Vibes
fortnight: it's gotta be like 'it's been two weeks since we broke up' or 'it's been two weeks since we last spoke' type of vibes right??? i'm thinking something in the same vein of 'now that we don't talk,' reckoning with the weirdness of not having your person in your life anymore. the post malone verse is making me feel like this is gonna be less angsty than some of the others
the tortured poets department: i think this is gonna be a reflection on the speaker's relationship, the 'how long could we be a sad song' of it all, discussing being stuck in a sad loop with someone where you're both depressy all the time but staying because you love one another, 'don't want no other shade of blue but you' and things and such
my boy only breaks his favourite toys: no major thoughts on this one. maybe a commentary on the tendency to hurt those we love the most??? or feeling objectified or disposable in a relationship, not unlike a toy. perhaps both
down bad: this has to be a play on words right. like being 'down bad' for someone, but emphasis on the bad? or maybe just general depression vibes because down = sad. if this is a literal generic 'falling in love with someone new' song i might be disappointed
so long, london: i'm guessing that feeling of leaving somewhere you love behind, seeing it in a different light for the first time, london used as a metaphor for a relationship where the speaker felt trapped or otherwise 'caged in'
but daddy i love him: i think it's gonna be about the feeling of like. being in a toxic relationship, and everyone around you can tell that something is up, but you're so deeply entrenched in the dynamic that you can't take an objective view of it. hence friends/family/others seeing it in a negative light
fresh out the slammer: i feel like this is pretty self-explanatory, that sense of escaping from a dynamic that felt more like a punishment isolating you from others than a true equal relationship. i can see it not unlike cowboy like me with extended crime-related metaphors and similes
florida!!! ft. florence + the machine: the exclamation marks are making me nervous. lol i think this will be almost a continuation of fresh out the slammer, escaping a relationship that was on its last legs for some time and tasting true freedom. it's still painful but slightly more optimistic than the above tracks. idk all bets are off with this one
guilty as sin?: once more the question mark is throwing me off here. perhaps a reflection on the part of the speaker on their own behaviour, how they could have done things differently throughout the relationship, to help themselves if not their partner. idkidkidk
who's afraid of little old me?: again with the punctuation!!! mayhaps this is more of a self-deprecating take on the prev song, the speaker truly taking accountability for their actions but in a tongue-in-cheek way. think anti-hero 2.0
i can fix him (no really i can): i think this will be about returning to the aforementioned toxic relationship time and again under the misapprehension that, this time, things will be different, that your partner will be different and you'll be different with them, ending with the realisation that you can't make someone change or what have you
loml: i think this is gonna be another twist on the expected, like 'you were the love of my life but you're not anymore' type of vibes. or maybe 'you will always be important to me but i will have many great loves in my life, not just you'
i can do it with a broken heart: something something the pressure to perform while heartbroken??? we all go through Struggles and heartbreaks but we can't necessarily see that in someone at first glance, we just need to keep it pushing or whatever
the smallest man who ever lived: the diss track to end all diss tracks. need i say more
the alchemy: i'm thinking ariana grande supernatural vibes, meeting someone new and having it feel like this unexpected cosmic collision, the magic that comes with being able to move forward
clara bow: it's giving the lucky one/tlgad where the speaker is singing about someone else's journey with fame, acclaim, and notoriety, but really singing about themselves
anyway again this is all just for fun and if ANY of this comes true i will be shocked. mwah
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auxiliarydetective · 1 year
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OC Pride Challenge: Day 10
You can find the challenge here
We're currently in LGBTQIA+ Tropes week and for today's prompt I decided to use...
Family of Choice for Kit Kelley
Yes, we're doing Kit again, because nothing beats the chaotic family that is the A-Team. But it gets bloody, so watch out for that.
Hannibal, B.A. and Kit snuck through the bushes, towards Sanchez’s hideout. Face and Murdock were in there somewhere and they needed help. Who knew what they could be going through right now. Hopefully they were still alive. All they had been meant to do was gather information but they had been caught and now… Well, now they were in trouble. But they’d be okay, because the rest of the team was here. Finally, they reached the facade of the hideout. Above them was their entrance: The ventilation shaft.
“You sure you can make it?” B.A. asked. “That’s pretty high up.”
“Sure, with enough momentum,” Kit declared. “Come on, open it up.”
So, B.A. placed his contraption on the ground. First, it extended its feet. Then, its arm extended upwards like a periscope, segment by segment. Meanwhile, Kit took off her boots and jacket and shoved them into B.A.’s arms. Finally, the contraption shoved its claws into the vent. With one sharp motion, it pulled the cover off. Someone must have heard that. From now on, they were on a time limit. Kit stretched, then took a deep breath. Hannibal pulled a round tin out of his jacket and opened it, holding the white powder inside out to Kit.
“Here’s your magnesia, kid.”
“Thanks, dad.”
She dug her fingers into the powder and rubbed it all over her hands and feet. It was just then that she noticed B.A. staring at her.
“What, never seen magnesia before. Really, by now-”
“No, you just called Hannibal ‘dad’,” B.A. remarked.
For a second, Kit froze. “I did?” She didn’t even look at Hannibal. “Yeah, I guess I did.”
“I thought you hated your dad.”
“Yeah, well, what better way to hate him than to take away his parent privileges and replace him? - C’mon, move aside, I’m gonna jump.”
She walked a good bit backwards, eyes fixated on the vent at the top of the wall. Did she really call him dad? Well, wasn’t he her dad? By all accounts except biological? He sure as hell acted like it, he was the one who had to deal with her shenanigans  - and he was her emergency contact at the hospital and that had to count for something. With another deep breath, she sprinted at the wall, jumped and kept running, scaling the wall until she could cling on to the bottom of the vent, dangling from it by her arms. Swiftly as if it were a trapeze, she pulled herself up and climbed inside. So much for having overly big vent shafts. Whoever designed this building hadn’t had her in mind.
“Good luck, kid!” she heard Hannibal calling from below.
He and B.A. would need to find a different way inside. Knowing them, they would. But for now, she was on her own. Swiftly and as quietly as possible, she started crawling through the vents, peeking down through every opening into the room below, hoping one of them could help her save Face and Murdock. But her mind went back to that conversation just now.
I thought you hated your dad. Yes, she did. She definitely did. To even call him that was a crime, honestly. She hated Lieutenant Kelley. A man obsessed with his career and raising the perfect family. He had wanted a sweet baby girl, a girl who would wear pink dresses and bows, bring home a trophy husband and devote herself fully to the kitchen and children. Well, at least the trophy husband part had worked. Except that Face was a criminal. And honestly pathetic. Also, it was him bringing her home. Lieutenant Kelley would never get to see him in his life.
Bringing her home really was the right phrase to be used here because, wherever the A-Team went, it was her home. They were her home. Her true family. Murdock was the crazy cousin, in the best way possible. He always knew how to cheer her up and he fully supported whatever gender she wanted to screw with that day. On top of that, he adored her for what she was at heart: An artist. He always had an excuse for her to showcase her acrobatics and he was the one who had gotten her her throwing knives. The two of them were fire and gasoline, bad luck for anyone up against them. B.A. was her brother, skin color be damned. He had taught her everything she knew about mechanics and tinkering and they lived together the most out of all the team members because they actually shared a flat, the flat over B.A.’s workshop. He even bestowed her with the greatest honour: Lending her his jewelry. On top of that, he was there to defend her when she couldn’t or was sick of it. People had better stop calling her young lady or he’d identity as their problem, fool. And Hannibal… Well, Hannibal was her dad. There was no other way to say it. He cared for her, calmed her down, gave her advice, accepted every quirky bit of her, no matter what others thought. Good job, kid. You got this, kid. I’m proud of you, kid. What wouldn’t she have given to hear those words from Lieutenant Kelley when she was young. But to hear them now from someone worthy to be called her dad… It was even better. After all, what did it matter how long you were lost as long as you got home, right? In fact, the longer you were lost, the better the feeling when you finally make it home.
Finally, Kit struck gold looking through a vent cover: Beneath her, Murdock and Face were sitting on a bench in a small room, staring into the emptiness. A smirk spread across her face. With a good push, the vent cover sprung off the shaft. Immediately, Murdock jumped up.
“I told you I heard something! I told you-”
“Shh”, Face cut in, “you’re gonna get the guards’-”
Before he was even done speaking, the door to the cell  flew open and a thug came in, gun raised. Quickly, Kit threw the vent cover at his head, then hurled herself out of the vent, at the thug. One punch to the gut, another to the jaw and he was out cold.
“Everyone okay?” she asked, turning around to Face and Murdock. They looked okay. Not good, but okay.
“A little roughed up, but okay,” Murdock said.
“Yeah, but you’re bleeding,” Face remarked.
“Oh, that”, Kit shrugged. “Vents aren’t meant to be crawled through, so they have some rough edges.”
Face picked up the gun from the ground, then they were on their way. They made an effort to be as quick and as quiet as possible. Kit led the way, because she had gotten at least some clue of the layout of the building through the vent shafts. Suddenly, a gun nozzle turned the corner ahead of her. She made an effort to run, but the bullet was faster. Within a millisecond, a sharp pain shot through her flesh. Still, she kept running until she was behind the next wall with Face and Murdock. There, she collapsed against the wall, breathing heavily. Scarlet blood poured down her side.
“Okay, don’t move,” Murdock told her, sounding stressed and calm at the same time. “You’re gonna be okay.”
“How bad is it?” Kit croaked, her breathing fast and shallow.
“You’re gonna be okay,” Murdock reiterated over the sound of Face firing to get his revenge. “Try to take deep breaths.”
But Kit wasn’t breathing deeply at all. It wasn’t long until her vision blurred. Then, everything went black.
Kit woke up with a blurred vision and feeling very groggy. It took her a few seconds to realize she was lying somewhere. That explained why everything directly in front of her was one white blur. She was looking at the ceiling. Her muscles were aching. But as her vision returned to normal, a sharper pain emerged in her side. That was when she remembered. But if she was in a hospital, that meant they must have gotten out, right? Sanchez and his men wouldn’t have taken her to the hospital. That was when she noticed a nurse next to her, taking notes on a clipboard.
“How do you feel, Miss Kelley?” she asked in a calm, yet kind manner.
“Dizzy,” Kit replied curtly. “My muscles are all sore. And there’s this pain in my side. Y’know, where I got shot.”
“That’s all normal for coming out of anesthesia, don’t worry. The dizziness and soreness should go away soon. I’ll give you some medication against the pain. Make sure you take no more than three pills per day and space them out.”
“Alright.”
“There’s someone here to see you.”
“Great, “ Kit sighed. To be honest, she felt like she had been run over by a car. But might as well let the person in, right? She could still ignore them or ask them to leave. “Fine by me.”
So, the nurse opened the door. Hannibal came in, smiling at Kit.
“How are you, kid?” he asked, pulling up a chair next to her.
“Rosy,” Kit remarked. “Being shot really isn’t an experience I wanted to have before turning thirty.”
“Your daughter is going to make a full recovery, Mister Smith,” the nurse said with a smile. “I’ll be right back with the medication.”
Kit’s eyes widened. She looked at Hannibal and cocked her head to the side slightly, but he just smirked. As soon as the nurse had closed the door behind her, Kit blurted out:
“Did she just say ‘your daughter’?”
“That’s what I told her. Why so shocked? I thought I was your dad. Or don’t you remember that?”
“Yes, I mean-” Kit stammered, “I remember everything. I just didn’t think… Y’know?”
Hannibal chuckled. “I figured someone’s gonna have to walk you down the aisle when you and Face get married and it might as well be me.”
Kit chuckled, too, but quickly stopped due to the shooting pain it caused. “I’d be honored, but it’d take Face actually getting his act together. Speaking of Face, how is he?”
“He’s fine. Everyone else got out safe and sound. We found you a few minutes after you passed out and got out of there as fast as possible.”
“Good, good.”
“Everyone was worried out of their minds. They’ll be glad to know you’re okay.”
“Yeah, I bet. Can’t go without their circus clown.”
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gareleia · 2 years
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Had Worse
Chapter: 4/6
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
Word count: 6071
Relationships: Edward Elric & Roy Mustang
Tags: 5+1 Things, Pre-Canon, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, Depression, Racism, Parental Roy Mustang, Everyone Needs A Hug
Summary: Where the fuck did the Colonel find this kid?
OR
5 times Edward said 'I've had worse' and traumatized his poor innocent coworkers with his Tragic Backstory and 1 time he wasn't able to (to everyone's relief).
Read on AO3
Roy had always been different.
From his childhood, when he had desperately tried to fit in the shoes he didn't quite understand, overcome the divide he couldn't comprehend in its superficiality (child of a festival, neighborhood grandmas cooed, and it wasn't right, he didn't understand, why was auntie so angry?); all the way to adulthood when he stopped being human entirely.
He could almost feel it, just beneath the skin, something crawling all around his rotten bones, and on his worst days he wanted desperately to cut open his chest and let the filth spill all over the floors. Roy wanted to see his guts fall out, charred and half-eaten by maggots, wanted to rip off his lying face and expose the sad, horrifying truth.
Look at me, he wanted to scream. Look at the thing you let walk among you.
He was a disease, an infection left to fester for too long, a rabid dog no one had the presence of mind to shoot, he was rotting and rotten, the source and the symptom, the negative space in place of a person bleeding miasma and poisoning everything he touched. People walked around him, glanced at the paper-thin human disguise he wore every single day, and no one ever bothered to look underneath, to uncover the monster in shape of a man.
Roy Mustang has been hiding his true self for as long as he could remember. Technically speaking, 'Roy Mustang' wasn't even a person, just a lie crafted for the sole purpose of legalizing a smuggled kid. Except that lie has grown and matured, and now it was spreading pain and misery wherever it went.
She should've left him in a ditch he was found in. Should've let them sell and use and dispose of him like they planned, because even to him the rescue made no difference. He'd gotten a respite, a few good years before stepping right back into hell of his own stupid accord, and this time there was no ending in sight. No salvation, no concerned information brokers with hearts too damn big for their own good.
He'd been given a second chance he'd done absolutely nothing to deserve, a home and a name, a family, a future - and Roy had torn it all apart. Spat in her face, wasted the life she had gifted him and taken countless others with him.
She should've left him to die, he cried drunkenly and his aunt still held him in her arms, safe and warm and closest to heaven than he'd ever have the right to feel again. As if he was a child again, bawling his eyes out about the kids at school calling him a squint.
She should've left him to die. She didn't. But Roy did. He'd left thousands of children to die in a fire of his own making. Children who, by all accounts, were just like him: unwanted by the government and hated for no good reason. Who'd never deserved even a fraction of what had been done to them. Who Roy burned with his own two hands, he was a mass murderer-
Not too long before that Roy used to be as much of an outsider. A poor little orphan with features too obviously eastern for even a half-breed. A xinee, the neighbors sneered, as he tried his best to act as a good amestrian boy. A squint who could never quite blend in with his blond, blue-eyed peers. A twinkie unwelcome even amongst the other immigrants.
It used to sting, though these days he only vaguely remembered, too swept in his new and horrifying defects to examine the old childhood insecurities. The pain of alienation, the loneliness and the burning need to become someone great, to show them all who they used to shun (I just want to belong somewhere, what am I doing wrong?) - it all seemed so shallow now. So simple and inconsequential.
After Ishval came Roy had started to crave that sting. The thought of dying alone and unwanted no longer tormented him at night (that was the war's job now) but instead became weirdly soothing. He didn't deserve comfort, but the freak he was, Roy still found it in the fact that there wasn't a place for him on this earth. No more monsters like him. He was an exception, not the rule.
And even still he tried his best to fit in with the rest of the population. Not because he wanted forgiveness or companionship-
(he wanted them all to take turns in striking him until there was no skin left to tear apart, no blood to spill, no guts that hadn't already fallen out and been crushed under their feet; he wanted the agony that pervaded his every living moment to be given form, written all over his pathetic writhing wreck of a body; he wanted that sweet taste of hell that awaited him if there was ever any justice in the world to mix with bile on his tongue, he wanted-)
Focus. Not because he wanted companionship, but because if he ever wanted to make Fuhrer he needed the people around him to accept him as one of theirs - or at least as the lesser evil. Most of them had already stopped giving him lip, though whether it was out of fear or respect he couldn't tell. Either way, his physical appearance wasn't going to be much of an obstacle.
On the contrary. If all his superiors ever saw was his admittedly quite charming appearance (too pristine, too clean, too perfect - he'd never needed to come close enough for their blood to stain his uniform) then he damn well was going to use their blindness against them. It wasn't hard to smile and wave when Roy had practically spent his entire life doing that. Let them see a fool, a loyal dog, he was but a tool ready to be used until one day when he'd finally sink his teeth into their throats.
(couldn't they feel his hatred? couldn't they see how he wanted to show to each and every one of them what 'Hero of Ishval' really meant? to snap snap snap and roll on the ground laughing as their whole damn institution was reduced to ash, down to the very last soldier? in the end, the only real difference between him and Kimblee was that he didn't get caught)
Roy had his eyes on the prize. He had a reason to move forward. He had a goal and until he completed it he would dig his nails into his flesh, grit his teeth and appear stable. Keep it together for Riza and Maes, his team and the Elrics, his aunt and his sisters. The ending was closer every day, and he could almost feel the pure cathartic satisfaction, a sigh of relief right before the gunshots.
It was the sole reason he woke up today, extra early, to the familiar stench of whiskey, vomit and despair. An impromptu meeting with the higher-ups in the Eastern Command, bright and early and on his fucking day off, no doubt to bitch him out again for something trivial. With General Grumman backing him Roy had nothing to fear from a bunch of paper-pushers drunk on power. They'd just have to wait and see. When he's the Fuhrer he would personally demote every single one of them to latrine duty.
That, and he would initiate the Miniskirt Mandate. And reform the cafeteria so that the food in there would be actually edible - and include some vegetarian options. And order a sign to be put up in the examination hall with a smiling cow and a phrase: "To pass the State Alchemist exam you need to be this tall!" in big bright red letters, except the height mark would be moved every year to be half an inch taller than Fullmetal-
"SAY THAT AGAIN, YOU PIECE OF SHIT, I FUCKING DARE YOU!"
Ah, speak of the devil, Roy thought. Why did he feel the need to take a shortcut near the dorms when he was still an hour early? And was it really necessary for him to put up with the Elric bullshit when he was already hungover and en route to receive a tongue lashing?
It wasn't too late to walk away. Pretend he never heard anything. Let Fullmetal cause a scene and get in trouble just by proximity.
"I'LL SHOW YOU 'LITTLE' YOU FUCKING DICKWAD! COME HERE AND I'LL BITE YOUR FACE OFF!"
Oh, goddammit.
Roy had made it around the corner just in time to prevent a murder.
"Fullmetal!" he barked, and he had a sneaking suspicion that the boy only stopped because he was startled. "Just what I needed this morning, more of your immature antics. Are you bothering people now?"
That might have seemed cruel, but considering how many times Roy had to smooth things over after Edward threw a tantrum at some random minuscule occurence, it was usually a reasonable first assumption.
"The fuck do you want, you shitty bastard?!" the boy snarled. "These fucks deserve it, you didn't hear what he said!"
He then pointed his finger at one of the three men, the childish gesture clashing with pure murderous rage on his face. The soldier in question, young, thin, tall and with possibly the ugliest bloody mustache Roy had ever seen, backed away warily.
"Master Sergeant Bauer, sir!" he introduced himself to Mustang with a proper salute. "Caught an intruder on the base, requesting permission to make an arrest!"
"Permission denied," Roy shook his head with a tired sigh. "This is my direct subordinate, the Fullmetal Alchemist, Major Elric."
Bauer eeked, looking suitably intimidated. Not that Roy could honestly blame the poor sod for mistaking a thirteen year old out of uniform for a civilian. Although as far as he'd known the Eastern Command staff had learned not to try and stop the kid months ago.
Fullmetal himself was strangely silent, glaring at the man and the two of his friends behind him. Neither of them looked familiar. The one on the right was a young ginger man with ridiculously big ears that were probably going to win him an unflattering nickname soon enough. The left one seemed to be twice as old as the first two, and, by the look of his face, only half as intelligent. Though that might have just been the calvity talking.
Since when had ugliness became a requirement to join the military?
"Master Sergeant Klein, Colonel, sir!" the ginger squeaked at Roy's raised eyebrow.
"Second Lieutenant Dressler, Colonel, sir!" the baldy followed with a lisp.
"I suggest you familiarize yourselves with the sight of Major Elric, Master Sergeants, Second Lieutenant. I trust there won't be any more incidents?"
"No, sir!" all three of them chorused, sounding vaguely like chastised children.
"Good. You must be new to Eastern Command." he said casually.
The silence stretched. Roy knew he didn't outright ask the question, but surely the implication was obvious? Did he need to talk to them like to a five year old? Or worse, Fullmetal? They didn't seem that scared of him, so what else could make them freeze besides stupidity?
Almost a full minute passed with Moustache silently glaring at the ginger. Finally, Ears seemed to have realized that their fate was resting upon his bony shoulders and so he elbowed Baldy on the side.
The state of this country. Roy could feel himself losing brain cells just by breathing the same air as the three idiots. Which made his already pounding head that much worse.
"Yes, sir! All three of us, sir!" managed Lieutenant Waldo (and how did that man make Lieutenant with that level of brain activity?). "Assigned to Colonel Seuss' unit starting today!"
Huh. Poor guys.
"Oh, I see. You're from Applesweet's crew. You best be on your way then, Colonel Seuss doesn't endorse tardiness."
Or degeneracy. He'd bet a thousand on the baldy folding first and requesting a reassignment within the month. If he survived, that is.
"Sir, yes, sir!" the trio saluted again, remarkably in sync.
"You're dismissed."
Were he in a better mood, Roy would've wished them a good day. As it was, he was hungover, mildly irritated and in pain, so they could die in a fire for all he cared.
(children screaming - flesh burning - smells like meat - don't vomit - weak - don't let them see)
"So." Roy turned to Edward, who had been remarkably, wor suspiciously quiet during the exchange. "I have to clean up after you yet again, Fullmetal. Even on my day off."
He expected a snide remark. Something about him being lazy or smug or a million other percieved slights that the brat regularly threw at his face - which, to be fair, was still better than the kid realizing what was actually wrong with Roy (everything) and running for the hills. What he got instead was a sullen, tired glare that spoke more of defeat than real anger.
"Do you expect a fucking gold star for that shit? Nobody asked you to step in."
This was wrong on so many levels. Edward Elric didn't do defeat. He did the impossible with a maniacal laughter and ran exclusively on spite. For fuck's sake, that boy had tried to walk off a bullet wound once!
"Well a 'thank you' would certainly be a start. I did just spare you a court martial by preventing actual bloodshed from occurring."
And that was another thing. Edward was impulsive, aggressive and loud, but he wasn't outright violent unless someone's life depended on it. He never jumped on people who offended him unless Alphonse was there to catch him. The kid must've thought he hid it well, but he wasn't quite as brash and careless as he let on.
Except that when Roy had stumbled upon the scene the boy sounded genuinely furious. What did these men do to incur such wrath? Alphonse wasn't there for them to insult, so was all this ruckus just because of a comment on his height?
"What, you think you helped anyone?" Edward snorted. "These fucks are just gonna corner me later and then I'll kick their teeth in. Now you've just given them more ammo. Thank for that, by the way."
"Fullmetal," Roy stared at him incredulously, he couldn't believe they were having this conversation. "Are you being bullied?"
Was that what he just interrupted? How did he miss something like that?
"No!" Elric hissed, flushing rapidly. "No. I know what bulling is like and that ain't it. I'm used to this bullshit, those losers just really had crossed a line this time."
"Used to what?" Dear fuck did he let grown men beat him up behind Roy's back?
"You know," Edward coughed and shifted awkwardly. "People being assholes. Why do you care anyway, get off my dick!"
Roy suppressed a grimace. He knew that Elrics were orphans and really didn't have anyone to help them clear up their vocabulary, but Alphonse seemed to have managed it just fine. Why couldn't Edward string two words together without cursing?
"The well-being of my subordinates is my utmost priority, Fullmetal. If your safety is being threatened, I need to know."
If Fullmetal's safety was being threatened, Roy would grind the threat in question into fucking dust and then set it on fire. While mocking the kid's every move, obviously, because he didn't want him to get any ideas.
"Oh, for..!" Edward rolled his eyes with a groan. "I'm not being threatened. It's fine, I'm fine. Nobody ever tries this crap with Al around, so I don't even have to deal with it much nowadays."
"Nobody tries what?" it was like pulling nails with him. "How long has this been going on?"
Whatever 'this' is.
"Just... general bullshit. These three dicks are a new development, but the rest of it had always been like that? It was never this bad in Resembool since everyone knew mom, me and Al just got side glances sometimes. Cities are worse because we're not a part of the community anymore. Had guys in the market try to upcharge me more than once, though they usually shit themselves when Al comes along and asks if there's a problem. It's hilarious."
He looked uncomfortable. Roy was uncomfortable too, partially because he was not the right person to comfort a kid and partially because he still couldn't understand.
"I thought people in cities were in favor of the military?"
"That's not the-" Fullmetal smacked his face with his flesh hand. "Do I really need to spell it out for you? Here."
He rolled up his left sleeve and took off his glove. Then gestured at him to do the same. As the boy put their forearms near each other, Roy's heart skipped a beat.
They were so close. Too close. Almost touching. Except Roy couldn't touch him, shouldn't touch him, because he would spread his disease, break the kid, (they're all screaming-)
"See the difference?"
He forced himself back into the moment.
Edward's arm was so painfully small compared to his that Roy felt himself choke a little, both in amusement and in an unexplained, unwelcome grief (he's too young, what has he done?). Strong and solid, with prominent muscles and blond hair so light he wouldn't have seen it if he wasn't looking closely. Noticeably darker than Roy's own.
"Oh."
"Yeah." Fullmetal shrugged and started covering himself back up. "I'm not exactly your typical white amestrian kid, and you should know how this country treats outsiders."
He did. God fucking dammit.
"Fullmetal, that's racism. What did those soldiers say to you? We can file a complaint."
"I'm not fucking tattling on them, Mustang, I'm not a kid. It was the usual spiel - calling me a wok and half-breed, telling me to go back to 'my country'. I really don't care about that type of shit, but then Pervstache called my mom a magi whore and I was about to punch him senseless when you swooped in and fucked it up. Here, happy? I told you everything. I was justified."
Roy wasn't happy. Roy was the farthest from happy he'd been since he started hiding his gun before drinking. What the fuck?
"Why-" he steeled himself, even if his heart felt like it was trying to break out of his chest and leave, he had to know. "Why 'magi'? That's a slur for ishvalans."
(please please please don't be- he couldn't take it if- please no)
"I don't know. Because of the skin tone? Mom was amestrian and our shitty bastard of a father wasn't ishvalan either. Not that any of those people actually care. Although his last name did end in 'heim', so who the fuck knows. Maybe he was mixed."
(thank you thank you thank you oh god thank you god fuck-)
"I'm sorry."
Roy wasn't actually suffocating, it was all in his head. Just a passing thought, just a nuisance. He wasn't dying yet, because Riza would kill him and Maes threatened to do a full on speech on his funeral. With photos.
"It's... fine." Edward was looking at him funny, did Roy let something show on his face? "Really, it's nothing - well, besides the mom comment. But I've had worse."
"How much worse?"
"Oh, what's with the-"
"Fullmetal." He said in perfectly measured tone, with a perfectly stable expression, doing his fucking best to project the calm he didn't feel. "What exactly did you mean by saying you've had worse."
Getting Edward to open up was like walking on a rope above a canyon full of razor-sharp rocks and bloodthirsty chimeras. While it was raining acid. Tread just a little too heavily, push just a little too far and too fast, and you'd end up falling to your painful and gruesome death.
Except Roy had no patience for mind games today. Not while he was hungover and on a time crunch and working through a full-blown panic attack.
(don't let it show, don't lose control, they are watching-)
Perhaps the child was also not in the mood for making undue trouble, because he was surprisingly cooperative.
"Ever got your hair sun-bleached after a summer outside without covering your head? I'm already blond, so by September my hair gets very light. And Al wasn't much better. Had a military veteran freak out on us once when we were studying in Dublith. Combined with the tan, poor sod must've thought we were ishvalan. It's kinda funny in retrospect, but at the time we were scared shitless, because it turned out he had a gun."
"What?" It wasn't funny. It wasn't funny at all. "What happened next?" he couldn't breathe
(a shot rang out they screamed)
"Ah, not much, honestly. The MPs arrived on the scene and heard him yelling about 'gutting them desert pigs' and 'killing all 'em heimies' and next thing we knew we were thrown on the ground and now the police were pointing guns at us too."
"What the fuck?!" They did what?!
"Yeah. Dragged us both into a cell and kicked up a stink about us being ishvalan terrorists. Looking back, I think they realized early on that they fucked up, but couldn't admit it since the guy in charge had already reported it to the military."
Holy shit, now Roy remembered that incident.
"You were those kids?! You made it into papers, Fullmetal. Forces were on high alert from Rush Valley to Laurelvale. Amestris Today ridiculed military police for months afterwards." More like decimated. Painfully.
"Well they deserved it. They're useless at best and fuck shit up at worst. Stupid soldier rejects. What do we even have them for anyway? Don't answer that, I don't want your smartass comments."
"Can it be, Fullmetal? You, implying my ass is smart?"
"Pity you only use it to shit, Bastard. Then again, that's all that you use your head for, too."
Finally, they were back in the familiar territory.
Of all people in his team he and Edward had the worst relationship. They were tentatively tolerant of each other at best and downright antagonistic at worst. Roy had tried, really, to find some common ground, but the kid adamantly refused any kind of peace offerings.
Somehow, Havoc got both of the Elrics to trust him from the get-go. Whether it was through a particularly good first impression or through some kind of sorcery Roy hadn't had a faintest, but the best advice Jean could offer was: "Just don't be an asshole, Chief, these kids are awesome."
Then Fuery soon managed to befriend the feral one, and naturally the nice one followed suit. That wasn't surprising, because Kain was closest to them in age and had experience helping out in animal shelters. He knew his way around strays. Sadly, the knowledge was mostly instinctive and his advice basically boiled down to: "Just have a heart, Colonel."
Falman, after the time they found him sitting in the office with bloodied hands and a thousand yard stare, started treating both Fullmetal and his brother with utmost respect that bordered on reverential fear. He declined to comment.
Even Breda, his sole ally in being distrusted by the pair, had somehow established a truce with them as of two months ago. And though his advice of: "Just feed them. Like, a lot. Now." was sound in theory, on practice Edward just refused anything Roy offered.
It seemed like every one of his men had had a weird bonding experience with one or both of them. Except for Riza. But Riza didn't count because everyone respected her, even the Elrics.
Roy was outgunned, outmanned, outnumbered, outplanned and outmaneuvered.
But he wasn't dead yet, so that was something.
"Anyway, they tried to scare us into confessing to at least being illegal immigrants, so they could give something to their higher-ups, but Teacher had caught wind of it by then and came looking for us. That part really was funny, because I know for a fact that at least two officers fainted. And one cried like a bitch. We didn't even get in trouble."
Of course not. Why would they? They didn't do anything wrong. If it happened now (but what if Roy had been that veteran? what if he killed them? what if-) Roy would've gone ballistic. Two children being arrested and treated like enemies of the state because of one visibly unstable man's ravings? He'd have torn them apart, piece by pathetic piece, for touching his kids.
"That's horrible." Roy managed. "If it's any consolation, they got into a lot of trouble for this."
"I don't really care." Edward shrugged. "What's done is done, and we haven't had any trouble with them since."
"And you're not going to. If anyone gives you trouble like that you tell me and I'll deal with it, got it?" he stressed.
Because apparently that was the one issue he somehow overlooked. So many things to shun Elric for - his age, demeanor, freakishly high intelligence, atrocious fashion sense - and people picked his skin color. Why was Roy trying to save this country again?
(children burning people crying oh god why make it stop I can't take anymore)
Right.
"Why?" Edward glared at him, half in suspicion and half... confused? "What's in it for you?"
"Do I need to have an ulterior motive for protecting my subordinates?"
"Don't bullshit me, Colonel God Complex." the boy scowled. "You have an ulterior motive for everything."
"My ulterior motive here is to make sure you're safe and not being bullied by some third-rate Marvin award nominees."
"Oh, so sending me on missions where I get shot at is fine, but schoolyard taunts are where you draw the line?"
"Those aren't schoolyard taunts, Fullmetal, it's a serious issue that many men face on a daily basis!" Roy was starting to lose his temper. "And I never send you on missions where an altercation is expected, but you still manage to attract trouble! I swear I could tie you up and hide you in an empty room and you would still somehow get into a fight!"
And give Roy a heart attack.
"Oh, so now it's my fault that people keep trying to hurt me?! You're saying I deserve it?!"
"No! Were you even listening?! I just said-"
"LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU BASTARD!"
It was at that point that Roy had realized what he was doing. He had just locked himself into a screaming much with a bratty, insecure traumatized thirteen year old. Thankfully, at least, the courtyard was completely empty, free of any potential onlookers.
Still, he was the adult in this situation. He had to keep his cool.
"Fullmetal. Edward. Look at me."
Before he registered how bad of an idea it was, Roy's hands were already on the kid's shoulders, holding him in place.
"Let go." Edward hissed, but didn't follow the demand with a threat or an escape attempt, instead choosing to look down at his boots with his hands crossed.
"Edward." Roy insisted. "Come on, look at me. Please."
He actually considered squatting down so their faces would be on the same level, but thought better of it. Mostly because he had a feeling that Fullmetal would see that as a grave insult and not an attempt to establish trust.
"What the fuck are you doing?!"
"Listen to me, Ed" it was the first time Roy had ever used the nickname and he could see the boy's apprehension lessen a bit, probably against his will.
Now think, he told himself. What could he possibly be afraid of now?
Because that was what Roy saw when he looked at Elric. It was in his too-bright eyes, too tight fists, too straight back. In the slight shaking, in the loud voice.
Fear, masked by anger and bad jokes. But fear of what?
(fear of Roy?)
"I'm not trying to hurt you, alright? I'm not laughing at you, or gathering dirt on you, or playing a prank. I'm not trying to manipulate you somehow or get you to owe me something."
"Fuck you." the kid was breathing heavily, his face pinched.
"Ed, I'm just trying to help-"
"I don't want your damn help!" his voice cracked.
Fuck, was Fullmetal actually going to cry on him?
"You're just-" he sounded so young and vulnerable, and every word felt like a knife lodging itself into Roy's chest. "You're just an asshole!"
"I'm sorry, I'm trying not to be-"
"Well don't!"
What?
"You can't just...!" Ed spluttered and swallowed loudly. "You can't just- not be an asshole! It's not allowed!"
What?
"Fullmetal," now he just felt incredibly dumb. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Shut up!" the child turned away again, hugging himself. "Just go away!"
"No, I don't think I will."
Now he really did squat down in spite of his poor, long-suffering knees. Roy could deal with the pain later, in the moment he had more pressing problems.
Like the kid in his arms who was full-on sobbing now, albeit silently. For him it was probably a much-needed breakdown that had been slowly creeping on for months, if not longer. For Roy, however, it was a nerve-wracking experience, if simply because he had never had a child seeking comfort from him of all people.
What the fuck was he supposed to do? Stay still? Hug him? Try to calm him down? Distract him? Wait it out and pretend it never happened?
He wished Maes was there. Maes always knew how to deal with emotions, meanwhile Roy's usual solution was to push them down for as long as he could manage and then drink himself halfway into a coma when that stopped working. Which was not an option this time.
(What would Hughes do?)
Roy had never asked for this. He had just wanted to attend one meeting and then go home to try and sleep off his hangover. He didn't want to be in this situation, with a crying Elric in front of him and no one competent to give proper instructions.
(But deep inside something steered. Something he couldn't quite ignore.)
He hesitantly took his hands off Edward's shoulders and wrapped them around his small form, pulling him closer. The little alchemist stilled for a few seconds during which Roy stopped breathing entirely. He considered letting him go but in the next moment the boy launched himself into his chest with the force that almost knocked them both over.
And then the floodgates opened.
"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" Ed chanted, curling into his coat and getting snot all over it.
Roy didn't have a clue about how to respond to that, so he simply hugged him tighter.
"Why can't you be easy?! Why can't anything ever be easy?!"
"I'm sorry, Ed." he murmured, rubbing circles into his back in what he hoped was a soothing manner. "I'm so fucking sorry."
They stayed like this for a while. Roy didn't know what he was apologizing for. For not seeing his distress sooner, perhaps. For not being the mentor and father figure the boy clearly needed in his life. For the impossible, unfair amount of suffering both Edward and Alphonse had been through.
Roy had never been jealous of Maes and Gracia. He'd never wanted kids, never wanted the lifelong responsibility, and that was without taking his main goal into account. But it felt inexplicably right to hold this brave, fierce, precious child in his arms and oh. Oh. He got it now.
"You-you always go away. E-everyone always d-does. No m-matter how hard we t-try, you all d-die or leave, or..!"
Roy wanted to cry too. He wanted-
He wanted Ed to feel safe around him. He needed the kid to trust him, to let him in, because he was Roy's now and Roy Mustang was a greedy bastard. He wouldn't, couldn't let him go now, because they were both his. He fucking claimed them. End of story.
"I swear on everything that is holy, Ed, I'm not going to die before you're ready. And I'm definitely not leaving you behind. Trust me, if I ever even think about it, Hawkeye will shoot me."
"I'll never be ready." Came a muffled response. "No more dying."
"No more dying." Roy smiled wryly into the crown of golden hair. "I guess we'll just need to figure out immortality now, huh? You better share that Philosopher's Stone when you find it."
Elric awkwardly squirmed out of the embrace and and started rubbing his eyes furiously, trying to erase the evidence of what he must have perceived as weakness. Roy had to suppress a bizarre impulse to cup those reddened cheeks and wipe the tear tracks with his thumbs.
(what the fuck was wrong with him today?)
"But this never happened and I still hate you, g-got it?!" Edward's voice almost didn't waver, carrying on with his normal bratty attitude, but for the first time since they met Roy had noticed that brittle undertone.
All this time that boy hadn't been a feral and possibly rabid cat after all. Just a particularly loud hedgehog. With venom on his quills, sure, but still soft and squishy on the inside.
"Sure, Fullmetal." Roy smiled. "Nothing happened at all. But we're still filing a complaint against those three soldiers, don't think I forgot about them."
"Urgh. This again? Why are you so hellbent on tattling? Do you like additional paperwork? Oh. Oh, shit, you're a masochist, aren't you? That's why you let Lieutenant Hawkeye boss you around, you old pervert!"
"Excuse me?! I'm not old, Fullmetal, I'm twenty six!" For three more weeks at least. "And I'm not a pervert - where did you even hear that word? Nevermind, I don't want to know. Why are you so against reporting them? Don't you want them to get in trouble?"
"Because they won't, you stupid bastard. It never works, so why bother?"
"Oh, but this time it will." he smirked. "I know their commanding officer personally and let me tell you, Colonel Seuss won't be pleased to hear about their questionable hobbies."
"What, is he a hardass or something?"
"Dear old Abigail is a miserable shrew, but luckily for you she only hates one thing more than she hates men, and that is men who act like douchebags."
"So, you."
Roy didn't even need to say anything. He only had to raise an eyebrow.
"Well, I'm sorry, I can't turn it off!" Fullmetal blurted out, cheeks aflame.
Truly, he was a delight to work with.
"To be completely fair, you weren't wrong, I'll give you this one. You see, I used to think that her habit of spitting venom in my face every time we talked was her unique way of flirting."
That got him a snort.
"Tell me you didn't."
"Yes, well, we cleared up that particular misunderstanding pretty quickly." Roy grimaced, but Ed started giggling, so he continued. "I'm honestly surprised she didn't actually shove those flowers up my ass, but it was an extremely close call. Word of advice, kid: don't piss of women who can transmute air into poison."
The giggling stopped and the boy gave an exaggerated shudder.
"More like, don't piss off women in general."
"Yes." he echoed with a grin of his own. "Women are scary."
Roy felt... lighter than he had in years. For the first time in months his mind has stopped screaming at him every goddamn second. He could almost, if he squinted really hard and tilted his head just so, make out a ghost of a will to live.
Not that it fixed anything. He was still a monster, calamity given human form, and he deserved to rot in the deepest, hottest pit of hell.
But as he walked down the path to the Command building with a laughing Fullmetal in tow, that part of him that Roy thought had long since died, that he did everything in his power to forget ever since the Elrics barged into his miserable life, finally reared up it's terrifying head.
A thought came in. A stupid, dangerous, absurd, tempting thought. If he ever reached out for that small hand. Would he be allowed to hold it?
It looked like the eternal damnation was going to have to wait a decade or two. After all...
"No more dying."
...he still had a pair of hedgehogs to raise.
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thewul · 5 months
Text
Chapter VIII, High Life
Slot Machine
Sometimes you don't know what you're waiting for, what life has in stock for you, it's pretty much the same patience game as fishing blue marlins, there is the conviction that life holds many things same as the sea holds many fish, and your grand prize in it
That comes, always, in due time, if life sees that in you, that you know how wonderful it can be even with the simplest of means, without bitterness, without rancor, or anger, about what you have or not, expecting yes, hopeful, believing in a brighter future, even when things are difficult, because they are difficult
I can't count how many times I felt down and I laughed to tears because of something I saw happening in the street or somewhere else, what life is you know, always throwing you a lifeline in the midst of it all
Happened to me happened to plenty of others, true sometimes it's like staring at a dead end street sign and missing out on the beautiful sunset and the starry night taking place after that, if we only stop staring at that sign, and see past it, if we realize that there's plenty of streets in life not just that one, but we don't do we, we keep staring at that one sign that's taking all the horizon forgetful that life is about keeping appreciating life, which is plenty of other things than money, fame or being successful in the eyes of others
We have to be our own success, the success that we believe in, and find your own happiness that is not given or granted but comes from within, that comes from the realization that we make our happiness same as we make our unhappiness with our own hands, our own way of being towards ourselves, towards others, and towards life itself which when it looks upon us has to find gratitude for it gives many many things without asking anything in return
Humpty Dumpty needed to spread his wings and fly, and we all do, all of us Humpty Dumpties, you get angry because the lift is taken, because someone stole your cab Humpty Dumpty, yet the more you frown at what life is or isn't the more angry it gets at you for not seeing what it offers, sunrises and sunsets being the least of them, and we can all wake up to a beautiful sunrise, or take a walk to see a beautiful sunset, but as long as we don't wake up to that reality of what life is and what it has to offer we have we are still on the wall, constantly wary of falling off
Often, crawling from an unhappy box only to fall in another and another, short selling liberty is short selling yourself, keeping still, frozen still, in a situation entrenching ourselves in it, numbing ourselves to it, where what we really needed was to get out of it, even if it meant risking what we have in life, which in my case wasn't much, and you cling to it because it's all you have, you cling to the tree and forfeit the whole mountain and the valleys behind it, that stretch as far as the eye can see, and its streams and its rivers leading to the sea
But you're flying high now and you can see clearly, you see all of the unhappy boxes where you fell one after the other, stretching under you wings, you see that they are worth nothing if you don't believe in them, that all this time you owned the whole casino and they wanted you to own a broken slot machine with two cents in it
Close Call
Nassau, Bahamas
Hello, Sir? Yes go ahead, They have just landed, Very well thank you, Welcome
Where is our goddamn money?! We did expect your visit gentlemen, the account number you are mentioning is closed, It can't be! It very well can be and it is, Its our goddamn account! Ours!
Numbered accounts are not nominative gentlemen, you knew that perfectly, we are always very thorough in informing our accounts holders about the specifics of numbered accounts they are holding with us, you have been informed same as every other client, Enough with the fancy talk, where is he now?! How could we know, even who you are referring to?
Ok how much? How much what Sir? You know what I am talking about, I can wire you the money right now if you tell us more, I am afraid I do not know anything more than I already told you Sir, You will regret this!
There is nothing to regret gentlemen, you knew the risks and still you valued the service, for which you paid a premium over nominative accounts and it is what you got
I swear that you will! In that case security will see you to the door, you have no more business here, What do you mean by that? That you should leave the Bahamas, which can be arranged for you if you so insist, You will hear from our lawyers! You know we don’t think so, have a nice day gentlemen, Not a word more Mcpherson, we're leaving
Bravo Mister Banker, the calm tone, the composed manner, the veiled threats, not for the 23 Millions Dollars but for the love of the art that is banking, because it is an art
They emerged from the bank none the wiser, not Dillinger who was fuming inside but kept his emotions in check as he always did, and had ample time to think things through over during the unending flight, the chances of overturning Bahamas banking secrecy policies to his advantage were close to nil, but bribing his way a possibility knowing human nature
Or he thought he did clenching his fits at the thought that Weissman had betrayed him, and how he turned out to be the snake lying in the grass he didn't bother paying attention to
Just like he expected the banker was solid, even the 2.6 Billions Dollars were only a small part their deposits so why risk anything especially the bank's reputation, the reason it was recommended to him in the first place was that the money would be as safe as in Fort Knox providing he could claim his numbered account, and the bank lived up to it to the letter, as for McPherson he had put out his hot air show, the reason why Dillinger brought him along, but again the banker stood his grounds even turning the table on them
The whole venture was a total loss, Perkins had too much of a head start just like the retired FBI profiler for hire had told him, the bank's rules were known in advance and nothing could change anything to it, still Dillinger couldn't write it off in his mind, once back inside the corporate jet he picked the phone and placed a contract on Perkins, while the FBI was listening
Had been ever since they came to the conclusion that he had to gain the most from these murders providing this was a criminal enterprise going on, more than anyone else which made him the prime suspect, and that he had been cautious enough so far to evade prosecution
O'Connors death was still deemed accidental until proven otherwise, Richardson had murdered Sullivan in his home before fleeing, as for who ordered the assassination of Richardson in his hotel room the trail of evidence was cut short, as is often the case involving professional guns for hire
They looked long and hard at Weissman's suicide, but high concentrations of carbon dioxide were found in his garage and inside his car with the hose that he used still on the ground, so there was a first attempt, together with his loaded gun still by his side when they went over his Chrysler it accounted for two failed attempts, no other fingerprints no nothing
The autopsy revealed death by drowning although it wasn't clear if a heart attack didn't kill him before he hit the water, the Brooklyn Bridge was still 18 stories high, the two whisky bottles found in the car matched the level of alcohol in his blood, together with a hefty quantity of pills
The Bureau still needed to determine how exactly did Dillinger stand to benefit, and things kept pointing to the Bahamas and a lot of money being involved, the reason why Dillinger would dispatch his associates in crime
The Number 1 reason why all kinds of crimes were committed everyday, and the common denominator behind the staggering majority of the cases that landed at the FBI ever since day 1, the Dollar bill, money could buy power, fame, success, money could buy too many things, money could turn too many situations around, and the price of a life or several didn't matter, to an awful lot, when they could get away with it
A Roll of Dices
2 weeks later
Honey can I have that? You can have anything you want honey Really? Money is no issue sugar, where's the fire exit around here What? Just kidding sugar, grab that too This one? Yes the whole line up, excuse me can I have a word with your store manager please? What can we do for you today Sir? We would like to have some privacy while honey does her shopping Such as? How about closing the store, and ordering us a bottle of Champagne from the Ritz Carlton, suite number 18, honey is going to be here for a while Absolutely! Appreciated Oh sweetheart! It's just money sugar, there's different colors for that one have you noticed Yes there is! Well you need that Lucy darling
Howdy! American? Yes hello Where from? From... From Texas Really? What do you do there? Am in the oil business In Houston? Right Houston Well what a coincidence! Chad McDougall, I am in the oil business too, I know everybody in Houston, the name is? Offshore oil You mean you drill offshore, that's remarkable! Gulf of Mexico? I drill... Uh would you excuse me I think my girlfriend is calling Catch you at lunch!
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deyanirahayes · 6 months
Text
idk man this is the only social media that i have no ties to anyone on and i just need to vent/rant/ whatever bc the unsent project only allows 100 characters and i have so many emotions that i will get lectured at if i post somewhere ppl will see it.
i am fine. not happy. not good. just fine.
i miss a life that i never had. something i have learned over the years ive been alone is how much i love to run. anytime anything in my life gets hard i do whatever i can to run away from it. ill change my name, hair, style, house, friends, ANYTHING to forget that version of myself and that time of my life. i have never had a strong sense of self, i dont know who i am or what i stand for. its funny, my mother may have been wrong about so much but she was right about that.
i have done horrible things. everyday when theres a pause in the chaos i remember. i hate it. no matter what i change, the memories remain.
ive gotten better at taking accountability. ive gotten better at just making the right decisions in the first place. what might be the easy choice is rarely ever the right answer. my brain is sick, but other people shouldnt have to suffer because of it.
i started taking my meds regularly again. its not easy and i feel empty but if thats what keeps the people i love safe then ill do it over and over again. i still remember the last message he ever sent me. he really was trying even after everything.
i catch myself missing him often. its not fair; its actually incredibly selfish. things were not good. we were awful together because of me. i wonder if we had met later on, maybe things wouldve been different.
i doubt it. he was my first true love. if it wasnt with him it wouldve been someone else. thats how i know deep down i was the issue all along.
overall im fine. there is nothing special about me. anyone on the street wouldnt give me a second glance. i no longer feel pride in being "brutally honest". ive learned thats nothing but an excuse for being mean. i just dont see the world like i used to. i am not better than anyone else. i dont need to be.
im glad that im working on being better. im just sorry it happened too late. i couldve been so much more.
nostalgia is a funny thing. i am in love with my past. maybe its because in the end ill always be more comfortable in chaos. maybe its because im scared ill forget the things ive truly loved.
i still write about him. not music. its more poetry. music is alive. everything about him is dead now. like ink on parchment.
in the end, i really want him to know he was what changed me. im glad i no longer cringe away from mirrors. im glad i dont see her in my reflection anymore. he always did feel obligated to fix what was broken. i just wish my brokenness didnt cut into him as deep as it did.
i dont love him. i dont hate him. i just want to be free of who i was when i was with him. but thats the price of destruction.
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olderthannetfic · 2 years
Note
Hello! I don't know who else to asks that knows a bit more about ao3 but won't require me to go off anon. I came across this post recently: icantbebotheredsstuff(.)tumblr(.)com/post/681001917886906368 . I don't know much about maintaining sites so I'm not sure if this is true or not so I want a bit of an explanation (or debunking) of it. I block most anti-ao3 people cause they're usually antis and many of them are already spreading this post but I haven't seen anyone say anything against it yet.
--
Ah, what dumbassery will it be this drive season?
Oh, I see: it's the nitpick the financial reports genre.
If you haven't seen these, they pop up every 6 months and are the more faux-reasonable end of the anti-ao3 posts. People make them because combing through old tax reports to argue about what some particular dollar amount means is tedious, so they don't get thoroughly debunked. In other words, they're sealioning.
2014 was when I left the org because it was too time consuming and I had personal life shit going on. As I recall, it was a fairly wanky period with much worse management than now, and plenty of ex staff had beef, both justified and not. I'm not surprised someone left a salty review, but also... it's 2022, and the org has been through major upheavals since then.
"with how ao3 hasn’t exactly updated their site in a major way in the better half of a decade and the fans over inflate server costs, that extra money has to be going somewhere."
LOL.
That right there should be enough to tell you this person is an idiot. Sites shouldn't be updating in a visibly major way. If they do that, it means they're making a fucking mess like all the social media redesigns we all hate so much.
"But they haven't updated!" is a favorite anti rallying cry. But all sites experience tech debt. All sites need to constantly change as browsers and server software change. I think some people imagine that code just works forever, but that's not realistic when your code interacts with other people's.
Note: This post was made on a dummy account to protect my identity. I will not be responding to this post on any accounts and just want to make these issues public. AO3 continuously makes more money than it needs and that money could be better spent supporting minorities. Have a nice day.
This is also telling. Someone who knew their shit and who wasn't just angry that we're donating to AO3 instead of to them would suggest another nonprofit with similar aims of preservation, free speech, and supporting the arts.
I have no idea what the $13k is. That amount is nothing. It could just be the expenses from an in-person board meeting. I remember the first time we had one of those, and people were beside themselves about how ever meeting in person (like all normal orgs do and like massively helps your online working relationship) was a tasteless luxury. (Never mind that we picked a spot where two board members already lived and housed everybody else in a shitty motel to keep costs down.) The second time, the most suspect expense was the plane ticket from Turkey. Why Can't The Non-American Just Stay Home was the message. Gross.
--
The biggest fallacy in all of this genre of post (and they pop up anew every year) is that AO3 made its drive goals, so it has "enough".
AO3's initial drive goals are always some lowball nonsense designed to make us feel good when we blow past it.
AO3 ought to be expanding to protect fan art more. AO3 ought to have some paid staff because of how this helps with longevity and not putting an unfair burden on volunteers. There are a lot of things AO3 could do if it had more person hours (which are generally more of a problem than cash for hardware).
AO3 has "enough" to keep the site open, yes. That doesn't mean it should stop there. That's what you do if you're running an archive yourself and you ask users to pay you back hosting costs. It's not what an arts organization does.
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glorified-red · 3 years
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Could I request hcs for subtle ways the boys express their protectiveness?
Thank you for the request my love! I got to play a fun little game of ‘Eenie Meenie Miney Mo’ for which request to do.
Protective BatBoys
word count: 1600~
warnings: insinuation of someone getting hit by a car, mentions of attackers
I was quite tempted to write Bruce headcanons to this but I must hold back ><
Dick Grayson
Ah, Dick Grayson, the King of small romantic protective gestures
Every time, without fail, Dick will wait until he watches you get inside your house safely before driving/walking away
Its a really cute tick of his because he covers it up with a goodbye kiss and goofy waves that leave you giggling even after you close your house door
But its so he knows where you are, and he can see for himself that you made it safely inside because the second he turns away too soon, you may get locked out, or someone can crawl out from the bushes and nab you
Paranoid, he knows
He constantly wraps you up in things, when you two go swimming he’ll patter up from behind you and place a towel around your shoulders, patting you dry along the way
Very insignificant gesture but he doesn't want you to catch a cold in the A/C or Gotham wind
He’ll do the same with his jackets, maybe even plop his hat on your head when it's gets to the snowy seasons 1. Because its adorable seeing the hat fall into your eyes and 2. Because it'll warm your head up
Scarves too, he’ll even go on a tangent about how cold it is outside while he wraps you in it
Dick will always offer to drive you places, even if you insist on driving yourself to meet up with him or walking there, Dick will still offer because it means he’ll be present if you get into a wreck, sucks but then he can help with first aid
If you decline his offer though, he’ll politely ask for you to take Titus or Ace with you whenever you walk somewhere, they’re trained and he trusts them to keep you company/safe when he can't 
Jason Todd
Jason’s protectiveness comes from a place of knowing how cruel the world actually is
He can't stand the idea of anything happening to you
If he has to, he will use his reputation of Red Hood as a way to keep you safe, putting a man at gun point and sneering out, “They’re off. Limits.”
He’d bust a whole trafficking ring if it meant ending a person who touched you or hurt you in any way
But Jason’s protectiveness doesn't stop while he's wearing the helmet
Even when you two are sleeping, Jasons unconsciously protecting you, no matter how you two cuddle, Jason always positions himself as closest to the bedroom door
Whether his back is to the door or he’s facing it, Jason needs the comfort of knowing any person coming into the room would have to get through him before even reaching you
He also envelopes you, he's a big guy so its pretty easy for him to wrap you up in his arms as an extra layer of protection from the outside world
Jason doesn't really like the idea of training you past basic combat or gun skills, hell, he doesn't like involving you in the family business if he doesn't have to
So he inserts himself into any situation you may need protection in
Which is exactly why he starts going to the gym with you as a work out buddy
Jason makes it sound like he just wants to spend time with you or help you achieve your goals faster since he knows how the body works from his Robin days
But deep down you both know his true intentions: he wants to keep an eye on you
The gym is crawling with creeps that have the guts to ogle at you or get too touchy, but having Jason’s 6 foot beefcake of an ass standing beside you the entire time is like an instant creep repellent
Plus, he gets to spot you and make sure you don't get injured from bad technique or from pushing yourself too hard
He’ll even encourage you with innuendos the entire time, but at the end of the day, he’ll gladly walk you home
Tim Drake
Tim is the most subtle about his inner protectiveness, a subtle King if you will
Most times when he gets protective, you never even notice
When you two cuddle in your house, it takes him a very long time to actively fall asleep because he doesn't trust your home security system if you even have one so he forces himself to stay awake just incase anything happens
But don't worry, he’ll eventually get to updating the security in your house
He does get these protective eyes whenever something is off when he's around you, they narrow a bit and latch onto whatever is off, glaring holes into the offending object until its all clear
Its quite terrifying to witness and very hard to miss when Tim is staring dead at the man speaking to you from across the room at a Gala, sipping his drink in the corner
If he feels the need, he will walk up and control the situation, whether it mean inserting himself into the convo or simply being present for it, he’ll do it
The thing with Tim though, is when he's protective, he’s almost always touching you in some way
His fingers playing idly with the ends of your hair as he speaks to a random person who walked up to you, clinging to your shirt/sleeves when he’s analyzing a situation and doesn't want you to go forward just yet, or even as simple as holding your hand as he leads you home
Tim also keeps small snacks/waters on hand at all times to protect you from Gotham heat and pesky hunger, very much like a mother hen because he also carries a first aid kit everywhere
He follows you whenever you walk alone around Gotham at night, he’s already on patrol so he might as well make sure you make it home safe, if anything happens he won't think twice about intervening as RR
If your going out somewhere alone he always always always asks you to call him until you make it to your destination, he doesn't care if he's working on something or in the middle of a board meeting, he has an assistant for a reason who can give him notes
Its become a normal thing for you to send him your Uber tracking link so he can watch it, if you don't send it he won't hesitate to hack into your account just to find it
Damian Wayne
Damian? Wayne? Being subtle?
Its usually pretty obvious when Damian gets protective over you
He’s the type who won't hesitate to pull out a knife out of god knows where and threaten whatever is responsible for you being uncomfortable
This leads to very interesting encounters of you having to hold him back because ‘oh no a random guy bumped into you and didn't apologize’ and suddenly Damian is missing 
He’s also incredibly blunt, saying things like “Cover your drink” at galas or handing you one of those hand held tasers before you go out and saying “Go for the neck”
Will insist on training you himself, whether its hand-to-hand combat or with a sword, Damian wants to keep track of your progress himself so he can make sure all your weaknesses are trained
Its also because he doesn't want his grimy brothers near you, so its protective on all counts
But subtlety? Theres a few you can notice after being with him for awhile
He’s very careful when going out around Gotham with you, Damian knows he can fend for himself so he will gladly take the brunt of any possible situation
This leads to him always walking on whichever side of you thats closest to the road, so on the off chance a car derails, he’ll get hit first
Always making sure to match your pace when you two walk together, he doesn't want you getting too far ahead of him because he'd have to run to get to you, too far behind and he might not notice you getting taken silently, he wants you right in arms reach at all times
He has a permanent scowl and narrowed eyes but when he's protective, they get even more prominent
Bonus
All the BatBoys do the same exact thing out of instinct when it comes to protecting you
None of them will hesitate to step in between you and any attacker, pulling you behind them so they are in the line of fire now
Its a subtle action that each of them do, albeit with some differences
Damian will push the attacker back as far as he can from you, putting plenty of distance between the two of them and you, so if anything breaks out, you can run away easily
Dick will hold his arms out, fully covering you but keeping his hands in the fray so if the attacker tries attacking you from any angle, Dick is ready to protect
Tim will grip onto you somehow, keeping his hand right on your bicep or forearm so he can still hold you, he doesn't know if there can be a hidden attacker from behind that will pry you away from him, so touching you is his way of making sure he doesn't lose track of you
Jason will slip in front of you and cross his arms, its a sign of nonchalance but obvious dominance, showcasing that he doesn't need his hands to be intimidating to the attacker, he’ll glare and challenge them so all attention is on him now and not you
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Taglist ♡
@anothertimdrakestan
@bungunz
@red-hood-redemption​
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thefanficmonster · 3 years
Text
Fated
Karl Heisenberg x Autistic, Sound-sensitive Reader (Female)
Warnings: Swearing, Spoilers for RE8:Village, Noise sensitivity
Genre: Romance, Comfort
Summary: Not everyone could love a man like Heisenberg. But Y/N isn’t everyone, nor is she just anyone. She loves him as the whole package he is: murderous intentions, human experiments and all.
Requested by @phoenixofthevalley Hi dear! Here you go - the first fic I’ve ever written for Karl Heisenberg (first of many) and thank you so much for being my first ever Resident Evil 8 requester! Hope you enjoy the read! Feel free to correct me if I’ve described anything incorrectly or in an accidentally offensive manner. I have no intention of spreading hate or any type of misconception so I’d really appreciate the correction. Love, Vy ❤
Watching Karl get so excited over this grand plan of his - the destroying of Mother Miranda, his revenge - it all makes me feel uneasy. I can’t explain the feeling, mostly cause I’ve never felt it before, and I can’t quite describe it either. I don’t connect to people easily and I’ve always been told I’m the problem but I guess it took the right person to make me feel things I haven’t felt for no one else all my life.
“The weren’t worthy of your emotions, darling.“ Karl told me on one of the rare occasions when I opened up my mind to him. I felt his words wrap around me like a comforting embrace. For the first time in my life, I felt understood.
I think that’s what took me the longest to get used to - being understood, seen and validated. My opinions had never before been taken into account seriously, my personal boundaries were rarely respected by others and people always had a hard time dealing with how distant I can be. But what bothers me above all is how people refer to me as dramatic because of my sound sensitivity - something no one took seriously when I’d tell them about it.
Karl did though, surprising me to no end.
He respects that I like my personal space and prefer not being shown much affection, especially not physical. He understands that I have a hard time showing people affection myself. He goes out of his way to make sure I’m ok with whatever it is he’s doing, saying or suggesting. And I’m sure that if I were to ever tell someone about this, they wouldn’t believe me. That’s most definitely due to his rough exterior and intimidating appearance. Also probably because he comes off as downright selfish and rude when you first meet him, but getting to know him was a journey worth taking because I now know the real him. A trust me, his rough exterior and the softness of his true self have nothing in common. Although, he does claim that softness is only reserved for me.
With all that laid out, it’s completely understandable that I don’t want him going up against Mother Miranda. Thanks to Karl I’ve never had the displeasure of running into her, but I’ve heard countless stories of how powerful and downright terrifying that witch is. Bottom line: I don’t want Karl walking into something that’s the equivalent of suicide.
And I’ve finally decided to let him know exactly how I feel about it.
I’ve been sitting here, searching for my voice as I observe Karl in his deepest thinking space. He’s constantly in it, if you ask me - constantly thinking, looking for ways to make his innovations better, stronger, more powerful to add to his chances of victory against the sadistic ruler of this village. He was already at his desk when I walked in, hunched over dozens of drawings drawn with cut-edge precision yet in his mind they are probably not near good enough. In his mind, all he does is never good enough. He prides himself on this factory and what he’s produced thus far but he cannot stay proud of himself for very long, he constantly feels the need to better himself in order to remain worthy in his eyes. I wish I could change his mindset on those grounds but I know that my tries would be futile and pointless.
“Karl?“ I suddenly speak up, surprising both him and myself. I don’t know what I was thinking opening my mouth when I still have no idea how to go about this without making it seem like I don’t believe in him. That is in no way the case. I believe he can defeat her, if he cannot do it himself, his robo-army most certainly can. But I don’t want defeating her to cost him his life cause without him in mine I’m not sure what will be left of me.
He straightens up from where he’s been hunched over for the past God knows how many hours, rolling his shoulders and stretching his arms as her turns to look at me, his sunglasses capturing the white neon light in the office as he does so.
“What is it, darling? Something wrong?“ he takes a step towards me as I stand up and go to approach him.
“Actually...“ Suddenly, that thing he keeps in a safety cell just below this room starts going off with that annoying loud sound it makes. It’s always disturbed me, ever since it came to exist which was not so long ago considering it’s been his latest project. It not only terrifies me but triggers my sound sensitivity as do most of the machines in this forsaken factory.
I close my eyes tightly shut as I cover my ears with my hands, praying for the sound to go away as soon as possible because I can’t take it. It almost makes me physically nauseous and gives me vertigo, bringing me to the brink of tears because of its loudness and intensity, like it’s drilling right into my brain.
I can’t quite pinpoint the exact moment the sound went away because when faced with such a pain-inducing experience, my senses tend to tune out while I still remain conscious, but when my hearing returns I the only thing I’m able to hear is a steady heartbeat and a steady breathing. 
“It’s ok, darling. You’re ok.“ I hear Karl’s quiet whisper, giving me peace and coaxing me into opening my eyes.
When I do so, I come to realize why the rest of the world has gone quiet. Why I’m suddenly so flooded with comfort like no one is able to bring me. No one but him.  One of my ears is pressed up to his chest while the other is covered by his warm hand which travels up to move a strand of hair from my face and put it behind my ear as he repeats his soothing words like a chant, slowly starting to let go of me out of fear that he’s crossing a line. He’s always so wary about that and I’ll forever be grateful to him for it.
“Are you ok, sweetheart?“ His hands gently cup my cheeks, tilting my head so I can look him in the eyes - directly in the eyes, for he has ridden himself of his glasses. I’ve found he does that often when around me - removes his glasses. I once asked him why that is but the answer he gave me was vague, all the while a small smile played on his face. Guess he’s a bigger secret-keeper than I primarily thought. It doesn’t bother me really, I know the only secrets he keeps are the ones that would be a hazard for my safety if he exposed me to them, so I allow him his secrets and I keep some of my own to myself. It’s only fair, after all.
I nod, blinking up at him, “Yes, I’m ok. But...“ Now or never, girl. Now or never. “But if you want me to be honest, I will be.”
He looks baffled by my answer but he doesn’t falter, quickly regaining his composure before he replies, “Of course, dear. I always want you to be honest with me. What’s on your mind, what’s bothering you?“
Now “I haven’t been really ok for a while now.” I take his hands in mine, removing them from my cheeks but holding them firmly between us - a gesture that surprises me just as much as it shocks him. Never have I felt the need to be so close to someone. It may be momentary and temporary, but I refuse to dwell on that as I push forward with my argument, “I haven’t been ok since you told me about your plane. The whole thing with Mother Miranda and all that...” Not the time to be leaving me, words. I started this, I’ll finish it. “Look, Karl, I know you and your army can bring that witch to her demise but...”
“But what, Y/N? Tell me.“ He encourages me softly, his hands subtly tightening their hold on mine as if to keep me grounded, remind me he’s listening closely to every word I’m saying. Like he always does.
“But what if it doesn’t go as planned?“ I blurt out, biting my bottom lip nervously. It makes me anxious, being so honest and emotionally exposed. That’s so rare for me I doubt I’ll ever get used to it, but that’s the only way I have at least a fragment of a chance of convincing Karl to drop this. “What if things go south and you end up killed or turned into a monster or something else?“
The concern on his face washes away when he hears my words, getting replaced by a soft, consoling smile. I quickly look away, feeling that confession on my part was quite odd. I feel out of place but not uncomfortable, I don’t know how to explain it. It almost feels like relief, like I’ve finally gotten a huge boulder off my chest and I can finally breathe properly. But I can’t, not until I hear his reply. That smile should probably tell me something but it doesn’t - I won’t believe anything until I hear it come out of his mouth with my own two ears.
“Oh Y/N, darling, you won’t lose me. Ever.“ His thumb swipes across my knuckles soothingly, drawing abstract patterns on the skin of the back of my hand, “You never need to worry about me, hun, I ain’t going anywhere. No one can take me away from you or you away from me. Anyone who dares to try, well, bad things will happen to ‘em.“ He chuckles, easing the tension enough for me to able to look up at him again. When our eyes meet again, I see something I can’t name nor describe. All I know is that what he’s telling me is genuine and comes, “I’ll always be here, by your side, Y/N. I will always be here to shield you from anything and anyone. Any rogue lycan or any loud sound, I’ll be there to prevent it from reaching you. Never forget that. Ok?“
That urge to be have him close takes over me again. I think that somewhere in the back of my mind I see a clock ticking down, counting down the numbered hours we have together before he inevitably carries out his plan. As scary as that is, I think I can do nothing but accept it.
And so, that’s exactly what I do.
Wrapping my arms around him tenderly, enveloping him in the first hug I’ve ever given him - probably the first hug anyone has given him - I accept our fate, silently hoping it changes somewhere along the lines.
“Ok.“
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makeste · 3 years
Text
BnHA Chapter 318: On Your Left
Previously on BnHA: The Hawksquad+Lurkers were all “well this sucks” and sat around a bit talking about how maybe they should actually come up with a new plan that is actually good, but then in the end they were like “nah.” Deku was all, “THERE’S SOMETHING INSIDE ME THAT PULLS BENEATH THE SURFACE!! CONSUMING, CONFUSING!! THIS LACK OF SELF CONTROL I FEAR IS NEVERENDING. IT’S HAUNTING HOW I CANT SEEM TO FIND MYSELF AGAIN. MY WALLS ARE CLOSING IN.” Just, literally that whole entire song. All Might was all “Deku you should take care of yourself, try eating a thing,” and Deku was all “BYE, ALL MIGHT,” and just LEFT. He left!!! What the fuck!!!
Today on BnHA: Endeavor is all, “maybe if Deku didn’t listen to All Might he’ll listen to me instead.” Deku is all, “[doesn’t listen to Endeavor]” because, well, yeah. The Vestiges are all, “surprisingly, even we are a little concerned -- maybe you should get some rest, kid.” Deku is all, “((Ò ‸ Ó)).” The Vestiges are all, “holy shit.” Deku is all, “[wanders the ruined city streets terrifying the populace on account of him looking like Shelob had a baby with one of the Nazgul].” Some shriveled-up puppeteer villain asshole is all, “HORIKOSHI SAID IT’S MY TURN TO ATTACK DEKU TODAY SO I AM GOING TO SUMMON MY FRIGHTENED HELPLESS ATTACK MOB!!” Kacchan is all “WHADDYA MEAN THEY FOUND THE NERD!!! -- oh wait, that’s me, I found him. I found the nerd, you guys.” And just in time, too. I was about to owe a whole lot of people a whole lot of dollars.
so I have been super good about spoilers this week as always, but let me tell you guys, for the past 36 hours my dash filters have basically been nonstop “manga spoilers” this and “bnha 318” that, and so I’m coming in with a fair amount of hype here. your move, Horikoshi
oh, good! they got Endeavor to call Deku to try to talk him out of it. what a great and wonderful plan
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“listen up kid, you haven’t slept since March and you are basically a walking biohazard right now, I’m just telling it like it is. didn’t you get shot like three times?? and there was a whole thing about how you urgently needed medical attention?? and supposedly we gave it to you, but I mean you haven’t even changed your clothes and don’t seem to have any fresh bandages or anything, so did we?? did we, really?? and also we all got blown up yesterday, so yeah.” hmm he’s making some reasonable points here you guys, but you sure do go on and on, Endeavor
oh he says foreign aid is finally on its way! I’m sure they’ll be very helpful. I mean in fairness they can hardly be worse than the home-grown heroes at this point
hey Enji, could you maybe try appealing to Deku the sixteen-year-old human boy, as opposed to Deku The World’s Last Hope? he does have value beyond his quirk. I know that’s always been an incredibly difficult concept for you to grasp, but could you maybe TRY, jesus
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and also we’re worried about you as a person?? you’re just a kid and you’re pushing yourself way too hard?? you were going to say that part next, right. why the hell didn’t Hawks make this call instead
“don’t worry about me... I’m completely fine” Deku you do understand that saying it over and over again doesn’t actually make it true
and again with the rush!! all the rush rush rush!! we’re running out of time, we can’t let AFO and Tomura keep getting stronger, I have to end this now, there’s no time to rest, etc. etc. etc. just the constant pressure of this whole big countdown on top of everything else
holy shit, you KNOW it’s bad when even the Vestiges are telling him to chill
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these guys are basically the walking talking embodiments of self-sacrifice; if even they’re telling him he needs to take five, then he must seriously be like half a step away from death’s door
OH SHIT LMAO
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DIDN’T EVEN LET HIM FINISH HIS SENTENCE BEFORE HE SENT HIM INTO THE FUCKING SHADOW REALM WITH THAT FUCKING LOOK. HOLY FUCK. DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO DIE TWICE. SHIT
(ETA: so I’m pretty sure this was just Danger Sense activating and so he cut them off to go do more hero stuff, but I’m gonna go ahead and stick to my original interpretation anyway lol.)
anyway so how’s everybody doing. we all good? En, you good? Banjou? Shino? I’m imagining you guys all curled up in a little ball on the floor right now lol. can’t say I blame you though, no shame
lmaoooooooooooo
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“SHEESH.” sheesh indeed, lmao. “what in the FUCK was that”
see, this is why y’all need Kacchan. you need someone who’s not going to back down from him no matter what. if it’s a matter of out-stubborning Midoriya fucking Izuku, then there’s only one other person on the planet capable of that, and we all know it. don’t pretend like you don’t. I am not going to shut up about this! we’ve had our hurt so now what about SOME COMFORT, DAMMIT
“I’m afraid that he’s becoming influenced by my conscience” nah are you kidding Nana this is all 100% made-in-Japan pure original Deku right here
see, Banjou gets it. “that kid, he’s totally going on his own.” exactly. this was so inevitable it was basically scientific law
“well I for one don’t see the problem with Deku being so obsessed with saving everyone else that he pushes himself until his body and soul literally fall apart” okay, whose speech bubbles are these?? we’re about to have words
lol of course
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well you always did prefer the direct route didn’t you. but even you can’t possibly think this is okay lol
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dark AU!Kacchan please tell us more about your badass doomed timeline in which everything went to shit and you apparently had the same character arc that Deku is having right now except it somehow made you sexier instead of turning you into a rabid t-rex. I have so many questions
oh so now you want to help??? well -- good, actually. sorry if that sounded offended just now lol
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(ETA: so at first when I got to the end of this chapter I was wondering if Katsuki B. had somehow summoned his alternate-universe counterpart through trippy OFA space telepathy lol. but in the original Japanese there’s no reference to “we”, so this appears to be a mistranslation. this line should probably read more like “if there’s something/someone out there that would be able to complement/complete the current Midoriya Izuku [it would be]…” which, oh hello, is that Horikoshi once again reaffirming that Deku and Bakugou complete each other lol. “guess what guys, the Vestiges ship it too" heck yeah. they know what’s up!)
look how admiring his boyfriends are. HORIKOSHI GIVE US THE REST OF THIS BACKSTORY ALREADY GODDAMMIT
“meanwhile somewhere in the depths of the ruined city, Deku was having a dance-off with the villains”
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I like how the villains all have this “AHH WHAT THE FUCK” kind of body language to them lol. I mean if it were me, and an eldritch horror suddenly clawed its way from the shadows with its writhing glowy tentacles and pants-shitting nuclear death stare, I would probably just die on the spot. no need to stick around. only pain awaits
lol for a minute I thought this was Can’t Ya See-kun and I was like “WHAT A FASCINATING CROSSING OF PATHS” but it’s just some random girl
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he seems genuinely confused lol
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Deku it’s because you look like something that crawled out of a sewer drain, sweetheart
lol they just took his word for it?
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so trusting. even though they’re immediately hauling ass anyway just to be safe lmao
“my appearance is frightening to others” no shit Deku it’s because you look like a fucking alien exorcism. you look like a Lich that got caught up in an oil spill my dude
NO NOT THE CHOSEN ONE ANGST AGAIN
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I RAN OUT OF ESSAY JUICE FOR THIS ALREADY HORIKOSHI!! I’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT IT FOR MONTHS NOW WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG!! BUT ANYWAYS, GOOD!! I MEAN, BAD, THOUGH, OBVIOUSLY. BUT YES
“ENJOY THIS MONTAGE OF DEKU BATTLING A RANDOM KAIJU AND WANDERING THE WOODS LIKE A DERANGED GREEN BABA YAGA” okay yes but sir, exactly how much longer is this going to go on. if it’s a matter of you wanting to make sure we get it, let me assure you that aside from a few stray chuunis who think that Deku embracing the Darkness is the coolest thing he’s ever done, all of us here in fandom fully comprehend that this is Not Good
-- OH SO IT’S LIKE THAT
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really. with the flashbacks to his loved ones’ smiling faces and everything. not even gonna try to aim above the belt, huh
AND NO KACCHAN??! NO CLASSMATES?!?! IS HE PURPOSELY NOT THINKING OF THEM??? OR ARE THEY BEING SAVED FOR THE NEXT PAGE??? SO HELP ME, IF THE NEXT PART OF THIS SENTENCE IS “CAN PROTECT THEM”, OR EVEN WORSE, “CAN SEE THEIR SMILING FACES AGAIN”, I...
WHAT DID I JUST SAY
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(ETA: my man did Sero and Kaminari fucking dirty lmao. I miss their smiling faces too omg.)
the sheer, unparalleled irony of him saying this while he stands there looking like the gargoyle demon from Fantasia got crossed with an umbrella that got struck by lightning. Deku :(
oi who the fuck is this clown
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is he controlling this mob with his evil hair. “what if I made an exhausted, running-on-fumes Deku battle a brainwashed mob at Ground Zero.” Horikoshi do you just have like a checklist of horrible things you want to do to your protagonist
easy there Sasori
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well joke’s on you buddy because he’s apparently “completely fine”, so
“here’s to hoping that you know more about AFO’s location than the others” jesus christ Deku you really have hung your mercy out to dry huh
now he’s forcing his mob of terrified prisoners to attack Deku ahhhh. sucks to be them. at least they’re not being controlled by bees
so Deku is saying that Sasori’s control can be broken with “physical trauma.” similar to Shinsou’s quirk I guess. but so does that mean he’s gonna have to hurt them? ( •﹏•)
NO NOT MORE SAD EYES
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“DEATH BY EMPATHY!!!” HORIKOSHI NO
fuck. he looks like he’s on the verge of passing out
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this is what happens when you nerf a character’s self-preservation stats in favor of spamming their bone-breaking stats instead. NOW ACCEPTING BRAIN CELL DONATIONS FOR A BOY IN NEED!! with your loving generosity we can hopefully help him live to the ripe old age of seventeen
OMGFGGG
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
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[grabs your hands] ლ(*꒪ヮ꒪*)ლ [swings you in a circle] へ(゚◇゚へ)
THASSSSSSSS WHATSSSSSSS UPPPPPPPPPP
HORIKOSHI REALLY SAID FUCK THAT MASK (ノ°ο°)ノ YOU FINALLY LEARNED!! IT’S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!!
JUST FOR YOU KACCHAN, HORIKOSHI LEFT THIS ONE BAD GUY WHO’S STILL WEAK TO FIRE. GOD BLESS
IT’S YOUR COUNTERPART, KATSUKI B!!!! HOW WE DOIN OVER THERE IN THE TRIPPY COSMIC OFA SPACE REALM LOL. DO WE BELIEVE YET, FANDOM???
LIGHTS!!!!
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INSTANT RESULTS!!! IT’S SUPER EFFECTIVE!!!
(ETA: imagine what this must look like to Deku though. he’s been caught up in this dark cloud of despair and exhaustion that’s been building up over... I’m gonna go ahead and say “weeks”, because yeah. and now he finds himself here, in the place where All Might’s legacy ended and the torch was passed to him. and the world is in ruins, and he’s surrounded by frightened people who are all trying to hurt him -- because who isn’t trying to hurt him, these days -- and he’s scrambling to figure this all out, but meanwhile the weariness is finally starting to catch up to him, and so he’s basically just standing there in a fog of complete and utter misery.
and then all of a sudden through that haze, he hears the one voice that’s more familiar than any other that he knows. like, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he thought he was just imagining it at first. Kacchan showing up to save him right when he’s at his most desperate and feeling the most alone. Kacchan, showing up to save him.
this is the person he always looked up to as a child (to be fair he was quite a strange child lmao). the person who was even closer to him than All Might. the person he always thought was amazing. and bam, here he is now. appearing in the sky out of nowhere to one-shot the bad guy with a single blast (which, btw, that was his armor-piercing attack too lmao dslkjlk take it easy there kiddo). like, that must have felt absolutely surreal to him, especially coming at a time when he’s already half-delirious and barely hanging on to reality. he must have really thought that he was losing it there for a second.
but he’s really there. it really is him. and for this brief moment -- before the rest of the situation catches up to him, and he remembers about all of the fucked-up AFO stuff, and remembers why he was so afraid and why he was pushing everyone away -- for just this one brief moment, he’s too exhausted and stunned to do anything except to just react. just stands there, looking up at him in awe.
and you know, it almost reminds me of...
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just. you guys. the character development. the freaking character development. someone who brings reassurance. someone who shows up and makes you think, “oh, it’s all going to be okay now, because [person] is here.” the role reversals. the growth. the payoff!! because who is the one person who always had faith that Kacchan would one day grow up to become an amazing hero like that. WHO IS IT. YOU ALREADY KNOW.
omg. anyways, bless you Horikoshi, my feels which have been on backorder since fucking September have finally arrived lmao. yes, good, thank you. worth the wait. it is always, always worth the wait. fuck yeah.)
“LOWFRIES” SO YOU’RE TELLING ME THE WHOLE GANG IS HERE, AHHHHHHHH (º̩̩́⌣º̩̩̀ )
BEAUTIFUL. WONDERFUL. SENSATIONAL. I DON’T EVEN CARE THAT JUMP IS ON BREAK NEXT WEEK. THIS RIGHT HERE WILL SUSTAIN ME
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