#because its 4am and I am so tired

[marikyuu]

I watched the livestream RT did the other day last night and I'm still feeling that sadness, I thought about posting something but didn't, but I guess I am?

I started watched RT in like 2010/2011, really got into them in 2012. But long before any of that, I watched RvB not knowing it was something RT did. It was on some other website that I can't even remember now, along with myriad of other content I found.

I stopped watching them after a certain On the Spot episode (I can't remember the number), with Gavin, Geoff, Jack, and Ryan. I remember this like it was yesterday, but was actually like 6-7 years now? Ryan made a rape joke and everyone went along with it and that's when I had enough of RT so I took a break.

2 or so years had passed and then STF formed and they started putting out videos. I loved their whole thing. They basically said, "this is my family and I'll bury anyone who hurts them". They did wholesome and chaotic stuff, the complete opposite of AH, which I still loved but I could no longer take the toxic content and bullying (the way friends will some times say terrible stuff to each other, but its supposed be in a "I love you" kind of way which is still horrible). Their whole group just meshed so well and it was what I needed at the time. My favorite video of theirs will always be a Minecraft vid, where someone starts a fire and absolute pure chaos happens and it is the funniest shit I've seen. They did a tiktok version of it and I've lost count of how many times I've watched it. And then they said STF was disbanding, it kind of hurt. They were the main reason I got back into watching RT, and then this little group of dorks I've come to call "home" was no longer a thing.

And then we get to now; the sadness I feel now... boy howdy, I didn't think typing this out would make me cry but here I am. Ahem... RT shutting down hurts a whole more than when The Creatures disbanded and I was more of a Creature fan than RT sadly. But it's as they said on the stream, RT was this whole other thing that existed. So much good came from them, so many good people, and unfortunately bad shit happened but that's bound to happen with anything. And now I'm just focusing on all the good things.

I'm a cry baby, so I 1000% cried tons during the stream, some broke me more then others. And thinking now, I will forever have "poopy diapers" stuck in my head. It was just some random thing that was said during one of the earlier Extralife stream where they were playing CAH, I can't remember the context of it being said but it was a team 2 Spoopy thing.

I went through the RT tag and there's just a whole lot of "they brought on themselves", "they should have made better money choices", and so on and so forth. But like, just chill the fuck out. We get it, you hate RT, cool, but like keep that to yourselves. Didn't you're parents ever tell you if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all? Hate and negativity is not needed right now, there's already enough of that in the world.

Anyway, I don't really know how to end this. I'll miss RT. <3

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

I AM!! PUTTING GENUINE EFFORT INTO GETTING A HEALTHIER SLEEP SCHEDULE!! 🎉🎉🎉 *crowd cheering.mp3*

[raven]

I was complaining about how i had to clean my old place bc im so tired and my dad was like "just go to bed now and wake up early and do it in the morning!" like wtf? u can do that? what the fuck? whats wrong with you? you can just go to sleep? hello?

[lostyoursignal]

-

[allylikethecat]

I did it!! I finished the next chapter of You Know Where the City Is! I'm going to do another read through and post it tomorrow 🥰 Thank you so much for everyones patience!

[loutrem]

.

[blessedshortcake]

i fucking. give up on this bullshit man

[anethum-etcetera]

.

[omiiomiaaus]

im sorry... im not sure if you're accepting requests so i just wanted to give u my thoughts (๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

imagine toji cant sleep. why? cuz you're sleeping right next to him and he cant keep his eyes off of u. he might be tired but he's watching as your body moves against his as you breathe and the soft feeling of your bare skin as he mindlessly caresses u. hes listening to your soft snores and he smiles at the drool at the corner of ur mouth.

hes truly head over heels 4 u and all he can think about is how grateful he is for u and how much he wants to protect u from all the bad things hes seen in the world cuz ur his sweet girl forever!! <3

thank u for listening 😌

Toji watching you sleep

This is literally the cutest shit ever oh my god I wish he was mineeeeeeee!!!!!

NOT PROOFREADING BC IM LAZYYYY

Okay so like he’d be tossing and turning until he hears your soft breathing from the other side of the bed. you’re fast asleep probably dreaming about him tbh.

He can’t help but reach over and pull you closer, chest to chest, heart to heart. Your warmth immediately easing his troubled thoughts.

His arms were wrapped firm around your sleeping form. Tired irritated eyes admiring your relaxed expression. He brought his hand to your face, pushing a stray strand of hair from out your face, his fingers ghosting over your cheek.

His fingers were calloused from all the years of having to defend himself with his hands. The same hands that battered and bruised peoples faces were privileged enough to feel your soft untouched skin. Sometimes he felt like his touch wasn’t worthy enough for you. He didn’t want to taint his sweet baby with the hands of someone who’s killed before.

But your love radiated from your heart to his soul, making him selfish, you’re his and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

He’d rather hold you with his corrupted hands than have someone else, someone who could give you a normal life, hold you close like this.

Toji loves to watch you sleep. your beauty never halts for a second, even when you’re blissfully in another world while dreaming. It amazes him more, the fact that you’re unaware of the beauty you possess in such intimate moments like these.

He went from struggling to sleep because of insomnia to willingly depriving his body of rest just to watch you.

To watch the way your chest raises and falls with every deep breathe you take. The way your face twitches, probably a reaction from your dream.

He could watch you all night. He loved you so much he’d whisper it in your ear, gently kissing the top of your head.

The silence brought thoughts into his mind, thoughts of the moments you two shared. Your first kiss, your first date, your first fight. Moments he wouldn’t have wanted to share with anyone else but you. His mind and heart raced a mile per minute. He laid there under your body, hand coming up to rub his face. He looked back down at you, pure love filling his eyes.

His thoughts shifted from questions to statements.

“Does she really want to be with me forever?” “Am I really good enough for her?”

“I’m thinking too much, she’s the one, I’m sure if it, I want her in my life forever.”

Toji was not a man of many words… he kept his thoughts to himself but he’d make it known just how much he loves you. He’d protect you and cherish you for the rest of his life.

“I love you” he whispered into your hair, bringing his arms tighter around your body, stroking your hair. His heart skipped 10 thousand beats when you nuzzled into him like a little cat curling it’s body in its sleep.

It would be early morning by the time he falls alseep, 4am. The birds outside starting to chirp little wake up tunes and his mind would clear, your soft body comforting him. You’re all he needs in life, and he wants to give you the world in return for you just being you.

Man y/n’s so lucky… 😓 my inbox is open for feedback and thoughts but if you send some requests that’s fine too, I’ll get to them whenever I have time sooo if anyone wants to send me some that would be great cause I want to have more posts :) -Omi

[dykeomania]

𝒎𝒊𝒂'𝒔 𝒔𝒎𝒖𝒕 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒓𝒃𝒔: parenthood (3).

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: parenthood means stress, and endurance, and exhaustion, and learning curves, and ... sometimes, really, really, really good sex?

𝐚/𝐧: this is my Parenthood (Thought) Piece because i understand that i am mentally 30 but i llloooooooooooveeee a good domesticity concept i eat that shit up nnomnomnonmonmnom. i needed to talk about early parenthood with ellie and i needed to talk about some of the ... Alternate Consequences ... of early parenting .. if you will. this was fun. this was also composed between the hours of like, 2-4am. i think it's pretty literate, and kind of alright. you may have a fun time reading it. if you don't, sorry i'll venmo you a dollar. not ssssure if i really have anything else to say, honestly. proofread (at a very early hour, mind you) but i always make mistakes, i'll always edit over time.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: i understand these tags are like super weird and i always preface my fics like "fuck around and find out," but just to be clear, this fic does not sexualize children in any way. any way. just to really make that clear. mentions of you and ellie being engaged. joel's technically alive. mentions of children. parental uncertainty. stress. a little bit of sub bottom!ellie. we're dipping our toes in. also dom top!ellie. mentions of oral (both receiving), mentions of vaginal penetration (reader receiving). both ellie and the reader being milfs / ellie thinking its really hot how you are a good mom (there are still so many things in this category that i could've hit that im probably not even thinking of, so if y'all like this and wanna talk about them, Please talk to me) i write in past tense for literally all of it and this is just a me thing, but that's not really my style, so things may be .. off. or maybe it's just me. maybe i'm tripping. we'll see. it's like, 4am. so.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 4.1k, just about (i did too much).

.   .   .   .

you both lived on the farm. it was a quiet, proud little life that you lead. a picturesque actualization of all of the little thoughts and dreams that you and ellie have had about living together, about having a family. though, parenthood was new, and difficult. there were some nights that the baby wouldn't stop crying, and both of you would take turns feeling like shit -- one usually at a grander magnitude than the other --  because neither of you would know what to do. what, am i like, a bad mom? does he hate me? you spent time convincing each other that that is simply not the case, and that this was all part of the process. that you were both new, and learning, and that it's okay.

if you knew nothing else, whether that be due to not having experienced parenthood before or the delirium accompanying the heavy set bags and dark circled ruminating under both of your eyes, then you did know that there were a few things for certain: he will suck his thumb. his cries will turn to wails which will turn to sniffles, which will turn to sighs. he will get tired. he will roll over, and coo, and will go to sleep.... eventually.

granted, while this mentality in general made things easier throughout the early days of raising your newborn son, there was still no doubt that it was.. exhausting. in every way. parenting was a constant learning curve, and it took tolls on both of you in different ways. for ellie, she'd get quiet. snippy, even, and gain a little bit too much audacity at times. a snarky remark or demonstration of blatant impatience towards something minuscule, but still hurtful. her frustration would always point toward some deeper issue that she often struggled met with annoyance first, and words second. one of the first things that ellie learned while parenting was that she was really bad at communicating. she'd find herself throughout the first three, maybe even six months, constantly finding ways to say sorry.. even without saying really having said it. like, slipping into bed when after you'd finally went to sleep, and pressing kisses to your temple. or making sure the dishrack was completely empty, so you'd have one less thing to work about. albeit she struggled to verbally explain that while she understood you were too, she was just.. a little tired.

maybe it was the sleep deprivation, or her willingness to take up most of the tasks that required attention in areas other than just the inside of the home. which.. you did have to admit, were a little bit more intense than cleaning and washing dishes. no one asked her to do all of that. she took it upon herself to do extraneous tasks, like fix the fucking roof, during the peak of summer. and you'd always offer to help, truly. but it was always no, i've got it. you've got other stuff to do. you just go play with him, and i'll be in to take over in a little, okay?

you would, at times, have to sit her down and remind her to take it slow. that the roof isn't really bothering either of you, right now, and it won't until .. october, probably. that it's okay to swap out, if need be. she can do dishes, cook if she wants (burn down the house, if she wants), clean up while you go fix the wiring of the fence, tend to the horses, whatever the fuck she feels the need to do, on top of having to do already.

you would have to remind her, that she just can't do everything all at once. and that's okay. but that's also neither of your faults.

both you and parenthood alike would teach her to .. slow down, take it easy, and to talk.

ellie would have to teach you something similar, believe it or not. your back hurt. your tits wouldn't stop fucking leaking, and ever since you gave birth, you wouldn't stop getting these aching migraines that made your ears ring. you quite literally found yourself bending over backwards, trying to do everything all at once all of the time (sound familiar?), because you knew that it was as much of your job as it was ellie's. you can change the diapers, you can pump the breastmilk, you can clean the house, you can stop him from crying, you can read him books (that he couldn't understand, yet, technically), you could do everything. and theoretically, you could. and you would, until it made you frayed, and unhealthy.

that would be enough to make ellie to step in, put her hand on your shoulder, and advise you in a tone that was about as gentle as it was stern:

hey, let maria take him for a couple of days. you're tense -- i can feel you from across the house.

despite the anxiety and the frustration and the sleep deprivation and the exhaustion, you really would feel grateful to be experiencing this trying time together. there were some patterns characterizing it that were obviously stressful, and anxiety-inducing. but there were some consistencies throughout it that were be sweet, and tender. like, running each other warm baths. sitting – either in the bath, with the other, or on the toilet, or the side of the bath – and talking in low volume, not really out of fear of waking the baby, but just to kind of relish in the pocket of peace that existed between the two of you in that moment. the affection never died between the two of you. you were always snuggling close to each other when it came time for bed. always pressing tender kisses to each other's shoulders, holding each other's hands, circling your thumbs and indexes over each other's engagement rings.

… But!

you know... i'm a whore. so honestly, what really spurred this whole thought, is the fact that .. during parenthood your sex lives would practically be nonexistent. and it's not something that either of you really notice, until one of you explicitly brought it up. raising a child -- especially raising one in an environment that you both worked to keep safe, secured, and comfortable -- is a lot of work.

it wouldn't dawn upon either of you until you both were eating one night at the table - another tradition that you did not forfeit. you managed to dance around the subject due to something entirely tangential, and then it hit you, and you said – out of pure realization, ellie, we haven't had sex in .. like, months.

and just like that, the consequences of at least 98 days of involuntarily celibacy hit you both like a fucking truck.

for you, it came in the form of .. the simple reminder that your soon-to-be-wife is really... really fucking physically flawless. you'd notice this everytime she'd wear short-sleeves, or shirts no sleeves, which was really only.. every once in a while, as jackson got colder, or whenever you both woke up. sometimes you'd find yourself looking at ellie's back profile as she sat upright on the bed, adjacent and turned from you, stretching a big, grand stretch, and you'd feel a specific heat beginning to tickle the insides of your thighs. you found it harder to keep your gazes to yourself as ellie exited the shower, muscles apparent, and glistening. her whole body was littered with scars, and yet she was still so gorgeous. it was hard to believe that even for a second you failed to recall – or be conscious of – the fact that as much of a teddy-bear as she was, you were practically dating a fucking sculpture.

naturally, you would act on your desires first. and frankly, ellie would be so willing to lean into them. 

she'd be lying if she said sometimes she didn't wake feeling a bit restless, and like there was only one thing that soothe her. she craved it, sometimes – your hands, on her. all she needed were some quick rubs against her clit and kisses against her skin to motivate her to get out of bed and feed the animals. and she was so, so fortunate to have a fiancée good enough to her to give her just that.

she dared, shame on her, to forget how good you could make her feel. ellie never really let anyone touch her, before she met you. before she met you, she was honestly convinced a lot of the parts "down there" didn't work. she could hardly achieve making herself cum. it’d take so long. ellie hardly masturbated because she’d get impatient in any ordeal that wasn’t some needy, feral 3am occurrence that left her stirring, sweaty, and overwhelmed. it was a lot of buildup for what she saw as, in the end, very little payoff. and as far as other people making her cum went? well, no one had ever gotten that far. frankly, she didn’t think anyone would get that far.

that was until she met you.

it definitely wasn’t easy. there were a lot of tired wrists and upper biceps, and your jaw did get pretty sore. her pussy was gorgeously messy. but her clit liked to hide sometimes underneath the extra skin. when you found it, you learned that it was usually, extremely sensitive. but you told her that that was okay. you could make that work.

you spent a lot of time learning all of the technicalities. what was too much, what wasn’t enough. what to say to her; how fast to rub her.

it paid off, because about a month into dating, you showed her that it — and frankly, anything — was possible. just takes a little bit of time, and patience, kisses and whispers of affirmation how about how good she feels. how good she’s doing. takes some listening, intently, to what she needs. to what her body needs. 

can feel you twitching. you want my finger right here?

fuck, yeah. right there. just like that, baby -- please don't fuckin' stop.

and once you got good at it (and you got so fucking good at it), ellie couldn’t get enough. she jokes, regularly, that that’s one of the reasons why she’s going to marry you.

ellie's voice in the mornings would breathless and empty. all bostonian accent, rasp, and nothing else. they were vulnerable. whenever she'd let you between her thighs and you placed those kitten licks across her clit transitioning into these longer, learned drags, her moans would break, like glass. her hips would shuffle. sometimes, you’d have to hold her still.

no no, fucking running. it’s okay. just let me. can you let me? can you let me take care of you, baby?

fuck. yes. yes, yes, fuck. s— sorry just – oh, fuck.

it would mostly just be wake-me-ups. but ellie's back would always be arching by the middle of it. she'd find herself gasping, and sighing, and fucking -- against your tongue, against your finger -- and gripping onto whatever, all while mumbling to gods she didn't believe in.

that feels so, so so fucking – g–good.

so fucking good to me; feels so good, babe, thinki'mgonnacum–

ellie's orgasms hit her the same way every time. hard. ridiculously hard. leaving her breathing heavy, and screwing her eyes shut while she grasped at your hand, or your hair. her thighs would tense -- sometimes scramble -- and then collapse, after a while. she became this perfect amalgamation of tinted cheeks, chapped pink lips, messy brown hair, and sticky skin. 

she was such a fucking .. painting. she's so incredible.

the plan, as she wrote it, often was to immediately get out of bed after you made her cum. but oftentimes, she couldn't do anything for the first couple of minutes except lie there, body just a sack of bones and jello. her head would rest instead of pressing into yours, or would nuzzle its way deep into your neck. both occasions a precursor to her finally catching her breath. when she moves her head to kiss you, capturing your lips in something thankful, and sweet, it is almost always grounding for the both of you.

better?

so much better. holy shit, babe.

and that's not to say that ellie would never act on her desires. she was always just a little more calculated.

for ellie, her frustrations would creep up on her in the weirdest ways. it would be.. small things. things that were, actually, probably mutual. watching you wash the dishes, even when you’re not bent in a particularly promiscuous way. watching you cook, even when she wasn't really watching you, 'cause she was keeping the baby busy. but what really did her in was watching how you handled your son. something about seeing you have him on your hip, cooing at him or laughing with him, or playing with him, or smothering his cheek in big kisses that elicited these big, big giggles from him, drove her.. a very, questionable? kind of crazy? it was pure. it was so sweet, and most of the time, it was just that. but you were so, good with him. after so many months, despite all of the struggle, you really did blossom into a beautiful, capable mother, who still held the glow and all of the weight from the pregnancy and just–

ellie would realize how good it all looked on you. she would feel.. really proud.

and it made her feel like you ..  deserved something.

you both remember the first night she’d acted on her desires like it was yesterday. it was on the night that you two had hosted a dinner party for all of your mutual close friends and people who you called family. the dinner was a 3-week-long process of grocery picking, tablecloth finding, invitation designing, and recipe collecting. it honestly stressed you out more than it did ellie because, to be honest, she was kind of just there for moral support. it was your idea, after having had maria over for dinner once. and it was a great idea. but it left you drained – defeated from the final week of preparations, which was especially hectic. when you bathed that night, you bathed alone, a little overstimulated from the day. but you’d let ellie run the bath, though. only because she insisted on doing so. 

the soak cured some of the ache that settled deep into your joints, muscles, and bones.. but not all of it. after you'd set the tub to drain, brushed your teeth, and wrapped a towel around your body, you entered the room with an expected level of silence. you slathered moisturizer on your face, over your arms, over your stretch marks. when it came time to take off your jewlery, the rings – except the prized one – came off easily. but when it came to your necklace, your hands were simply too slippery. you sucked your teeth. you always did this. 

you eventually sighed, filling your lungs to call:

hey, bug. can you come help me take this necklace off, please?

ellie eventually would appear behind you, probably shuffling off of the bed or rounding some corner after changing and becoming into her own definition of comfortable. if she seriously complained, you didn’t hear it. you only felt her, how her hand placed itself on your shoulder just to let you know that she was behind you.

some things never change, move your hair over.

you do as asked, and hang your head. ellie's fingers brush against your skin with a kind of delicacy that makes shivers run down your spine. you lift your eyes, catching ellie's in the mirror before you. yours, heavier than hers.

you watched as she fought a smile, or a smirk. either was a given with her, honestly — in retrospect, it was most likely the latter. you couldn’t really tell, though. she’d dipped her head, eyes fixated on her fingers that fiddled with your necklace clasp.

you did a really nice job on the dinner, tonight.

suddenly, you were the one fighting the smile. you watched her, still.

yeah?

oh, you like.. completely knocked it out of the park. you did great. it was really, really really nice.

you didnt know if ellie was referring to the food, or the setup, or the wine choices – whichever. but something about the appraisal made your head buzz, like you were coming down off a two glasses of champagne (which.. maybe you were). ellie successfully removed your necklace, and yet didn’t back away. instead, she pressed herself closer to your back, and tilted her head so that she could speak just above the top of your ear,

you looked really nice, too.

been waiting for you to settle down, a bit. so i could tell you.

you probably hummed something in response, something that was probably suggestive but also thankful at the same time. it gets lost, though. because ellie bent down, and placed these slow, unassuming, appreciative kisses down your neck, and against the plateau of your shoulder. between those words and the way her hands lingered over your skin, the way she was breathing you in and drinking up the moment, and your scent, made you melt into her way too easily. like butter in a warm pan.

you exhale, like you've been meaning to for .. you don't even know how long.

el..

mhm?

you realize though, that the house is quiet. too quiet. there is a stillness to it that makes the pit of your stomach twist, and anxiety and guilt bubble in the base of it before you could even stop it.

...where's our baby?

you felt ellie grin against your shoulder. she masked it with a peck,

he’s at joel’s.

and then you felt her tongue drag across your skin. a long, open-mouthed kiss across the midpoint of your neck. she presses the padding of her tongue against tender flesh, sucks hard enough for blood to make the skin bloom, and almost -- against your own will -- makes your eyes roll shut.

the simple act -- acts rather, of ellie coordinating behind your back to have the baby taken off your hands (you knew it for a few days –  it's always a few days). she thought she was so slick. it was odd, how much relief those three words gave you,

but at the same time, you kind of wanted to be mad at her.

it was hard to, though. but you couldn't think straight, with how her hands were moving over you, over your towel. with her pelvis pressed against your ass, and her lips on your neck.

you tried,

he was fine here. everything was .. fine, ellie.

but she was so..

i never said everything wasn't fine.

i just think... you've had a really long, stressful week.

you hate how your body reacts to ellie's hands smoothing up your towel. your whole body broke out into goosebumps, seemingly trying to fit into the pores of ellie's palm, 

and i think i wanna make it better.

ellie's breath was hot on your ear, and you didn’t realize it, but your head was already tilted. your eyes had begun to flutter closed. you felt yourself, almost swaying against her. your mouth hung as her teeth grazed over sensitive flesh. her tongue pressed against familiar spots that had been untouched -- like the rest of you -- for so, so long. it was too activating.

in your best effort of defense, you spun yourself to turn around to face her. ellie’s head was tilted, her eyes were low. her breath spanned over your mouth while your palm laid flat against her chest. you stalled – shivering, shaking, suddenly caught in a rapture of toiling emotion that you hadn't felt that strongly in .. god knows how long.

her head dipped back into your neck. she pressed her cotton-clad hips against your towel-covered ones, and it just wasn’t enough. it was a lot, and yet, not enough.

your hand snaked over the nape of her neck as you breathed against your cheek, whole body feeling heavy and compliant. your knees were jelly. you could feel your clit. pulsing, and pleading. it ached as you feel ellie's hand slip over the backs of your thighs, inching under the cusps of your ass.

you needed something. you needed anything. you like to think that you had no idea what necessity meant before this moment, because you had never felt it so strongly. it knocked the wind out of you, only leading you to ask – to plead, without pleading,

e... ellie?

and she understood.

ellie’s head lifted from the crook of your neck she crashed her lips upon yours. the kiss was heavy, and deep. your knees buckled, and where you swore you may fall, she made sure you didn’t. you were shuddering, a hand suddenly possessive around the back her neck. her hands suddenly possessive and stabilizing with the grips she held on your ass. months worth of unknown tension relinquished itself in the pushes and pulls you demanded from each other's bodies while teeth clattered and bit into chapped flesh, turned glossy. moans and breaths circumvented between the two of you, and suddenly, the whole room felt like it was on fire.

she delivered a verbal command, teeth tugging at your lower lip as she half-way parted from it, 

jump.

you’d used whatever remainder of your energy to follow the simple instruction, your legs wrapping around ellie's waist like she was your lifeline. they remained around her as your back fell against the duvet, and as she kissed you so deep, your head ran dizzy and your body was left no choice but to arch into her.

you remember your hand smoothing over her abdomen, and reaching up to grab her chest. you remember sighing into her mouth over the fact that you could. you relished in the moan she released your mouth, and only returned it halfway. 

you remember gripping her and massaging her and bucking your bare hips up against her in hopes of making her make that noise again, louder. you remember how she bucked her hips into you in hopes of the same sentiment, her waistband grazing against your bair clit cauisng her to succeed far quicker than you. 

the night was filled with mind-blurring, fuck-until-the-sun-rises kind of sex. sex that you had no idea your body had needed until ellie had given it to you. your body reeled with every kiss that she'd placed over your skin – you’d watched as she peeled back your towel, and replaced bits and segments of the fabric with her lips in soft, attentive kisses.  it was hard to believe that they would transpire into messy, sloppy things. wet, tantilizing things that would trek down the axis of your body. that would hold your body hostage as her tongue and her lips worked on your clit to bring you closer and closer to your third orgasm of the hour. 

your body wasn’t used to it. any of it. it was, however, too used to and hyperaware of having a tiny human in the house that you simply couldn’t wake at this time of night.

you were shuffling, at one point, scrambling to put a hand on your mouth, or to bite your own knuckle.  when that didn’t work, you let your head fall over to a pillow while you fucked up against ellie’s tongue and bit the fabric, trying so hard not to moan. but you felt yourself cracking. 

you’ll never forget how ellie looked up at you. eyes a deep, pointed shade of green as she shook her head – mouth still attached to your clit – which in and of itself had almost made you cry. when she pulled away, it was the only time you let yourself make a noise. only because the whine that was ripped out of you was entirely unanticipated, just like her action.

her breath rippled over your the nerves as she ran her fingertip up, and down your hole. you whimpered, hips shifting up relfexivley, cunt tightening just from the invitation. nearly gushing from the feeling of her beginning to small rub circles against it, instead.

i’ve missed you so fucking much.

she dipped a finger inside of you with such ease, and no warning. a long, slender digit bottomed out inside your cunt, before she pushed in another, and made your jaw go slack. her eyes hung on yours – glossed over with lust and a bit narrow as a result of the devious smile that’d begun to overtake her expression.

she’d begun pumping her fingers.

he’s not here, baby.

it’s just us.

her fingers were so fucking long, you swore to god, you would never want a life without them in it. couldn’t bear another 3, 4, 5 months without having them in you. jesus fuck.

wanna hear you. 

wanna hear you be as loud as you fuckin’ want.

ellie emphasized her words by proceeding to fuck you faster. her tongue latched back onto your clit, rolling over and slurping at the nerves, rolling beads of saliva and your juices into and against the bundle. the sound of your cunt was so encompassing, it was hard to believe that it became the backdrop for the moans that ellie had ripped out of you. that made it into, and mostly out of, the pillow, amidst a sea of praise and bucking hips.

the next morning was luxuriuosly unproductive. ellie had only woke to feed the animals and returned to bed and slept with you until noon. she was always affectionate, come mornings. but especially riding off of the honeymoon buzz of the night prior, she made the morning after memorably tender, often pressing kisses to your forehead, and your shoulder, regardless of how awake both you or she was. she’d whisper sweet nothings into your ear, promises of how much she loved you. how she’s really glad this is how she gets to spend her life, as long as it’s with you. all of the sugary things that eventually caramelize into jokes and giggles and laughter, and that how you’d know it was time to get up.

it’s safe to say that parenthood brought you and ellie both very interesting things. it brought you challenges, and it brought you lows. it brought you highs, and photographs, and moments where you did feel like all of your hard-work was paying off, even when it didn’t seem that way. having a family meant having the opportunity to open your house up to people you who you loved. having a family meant having traditions, and things to fall back on – things that you would develop over time, as you learned more and discovered more of what you wanted. and having a family with ellie meant that you could fall back on each other, no matter how tough things got.

.. it also just meant sometimes having really.. really good sex. 

(whenever you remembered that that was something that the two of you could actually do, that is.)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for snapping at a friend?

We're both 20F.

My friend, we'll call her Dove, has recently become single and decided that she's having a "bad bitch era". Dove's ex was a very introverted person and they would not let her go out and experience nightlife/parties/anything that wasn't staying inside on a screen or playing board games. That controlling behaviour is the main reason that they're an ex now.

Dove has gone from never planning anything with me and always relying on me to initiate conversation to actively trying to do as much as possible. This is great, I'm very happy for her that she's getting all the experiences that she missed out on from 18 - 20 with the dickhead.

However, another fact about Dove is that she is unemployed and has never had a job. She is living off her parents, which is fine, if they want to and can pay for stuff go ahead. I am not in rhe same situation, and I'm currently working early morning shift work (4am starts).

Dove doesn't understand how different our circumstances are, despite me explaining it to her several times, and its really winding me up. She keeps trying to make plans to go out clubbing (none of our other friends will go with her, so this is pretty dependant on me) and then getting pissy with me that I can't tell her when I'm free next week yet because the schedule isn't handed out till the Sunday before. Or she keeps trying to get me to come out last minute when I have to be up at 3am to get to work.

She asked me again to go out while we were on call today and I snapped at her "no I can't do Fri, I already told you, some of us have jobs". She got all quiet and changed the subject. I feel very mean but I'm so tired all the time from this shift (I'm trying to change to the day shift) and she's just being completely oblivious to it on purpose. I have told her this chill and calm many times before, twice in that call and she's just ignoring it. I'm so tired and probably a bitch. Aita?

What are these acronyms?

[akaakeis]

gnawing at my nails rn i miss my bf (i dont have one) how do u pick like,,, one person to selfship with bc⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

like there r so many options ushijima i dont even know who's my favourite character rn ushijima like guys☹️⁉️⁉️

BUT I cant wait for savyaku😼😼😼😼😼 SOCUTE

goshiki is my babey though he is sososososososososo cute and i would want him irl and i bet i could even pull him irl toooo

yk what this type of starting is called! a HOOK sentence cuz u got HOOKED and now ur reading this long ass ask. WAIT FUCJ mattsun guys hear me out here ANYWAYS. HRU SAV!!!!!!!!!!!! its 4am for yew rn right!!

anyways.. its 4pm havent had lunch yet am so fucking tired but soft rice.. soft white rice.... i want to sleep but rice....... call me basic but soft white rice is the best fucking thing in the entire world right after u. teacher gave my english composition an 80 i think ill end up on the news. i just stood up abruptly and the world went 🌀🌀🌀🌀 should i be worried..!!!!

THERE WAS AN OWL ON OUR ROOF THE OTHER DAY SO COOL i almost started writing akaashi hurt comfort (???) at school today but i didnt get time and now im Too Tired :(

im reading and the mountains echoed by khaled hosseini and erm. the plot is so questionable at times like wdym the guy was in love with his chauffeur wdym she tried to kill her sister and changed her mind last second so it was only paralysis but its ok bc she killed her fr next time. wdym this one girl dated her moms ex and then married her friend's ex like guys.. guys i have Questions..

IDK IF U READ JJK MANGA BUT U SHOULD READ JJK MANGA

i cant wait for ur birthday #weirdkidthings Im So Funny Guys Im So Funny

im going to sleep so hard tonight grrgrgrhrgrg i had ice cream on the way home from school YUM and then math kid era p2 i finished this one thinf before everyone else even started and the teacher asked if i did it qt home cuz wtf. ew now i remember her using her nail to create indentations in the paper and i feel nauseous my skin is crawling

WHATEVER eRmmrmrm im sitting on the stairs rn hashtag procrastination ahahahahah ive been writing this and zoninf out for the past 7 minutes yyyyyippeeee

im so tired guys let me sleeeep

my parenrs were supposed to find baby gender today but the little shit kept its legs shut and didnt let them see (just like me frl)

correction im lying on the stairs rn ..

honestly me x goshiki would be Bomb why is he so unpopular all his fics are mid or questionable so far,,,, anyways. konoha is so beautiful i would want him excpet i have like no grip on his character so #tweaks. i hate andrew tate so fkn much. i cant wait till i turn 16 idk i feel like life will be significantly cooler then. anyways bb i take my leave gotta go eat lunch

i hope youve eaten by the time ur reading this!!! stay hydrated and safe and dm me to be silly together whenever >:]]]]] i hope u have a WONDERFUL day sav!! ily <3

look at my man hes so gorgeous btw

alina... bf... :D alright then! umumumummm honestly there were many characters that i wanted to do a selfship with but i didnt want to be self shipping with the same character that someone im following consistently self ships with LMAO cause i feel like it gets weird for me at that point cause all the hcs in my head get mixed up? ANYWAY i just think of selfships with any character im hyperfixating on at that very moment... in fact my selfship very well may change!!!

anyway since im replying after you decided on yuulina... NOYA AGHHH U GUYS WILL BE SO CUTE TOGETHER!!! IM UR NO 1 SUPPORTER THIS IS YUULINA SUPPORT CENTRAL‼️‼️‼️

savyaku sounds so funny i need to thank of something that sounds better stop rn 💔 BUT I LOVE HIM SO SO SO SO SO MUCH IM SUPER EXCITED TO DO SOME SELFSHIP STUFF :))

u would so pull goshiki irl 🙂‍↕️

HELP thanks for the english lesson lina 😭 those terms always make me shudder because they were drilled into my head in my college comp class it was horrifying. and NO not mattsun i do NOT approve of that at this point in time!!!! AND IM OKAY!! tired as hell and i have 3 projects to work on <3 (i stacked my classes this year, im not proud.) IT IS NOW 3 PM AS I ANSWER THIS ASK SO SORRY IT TOOK ME LIKE 12 HOURS WOAH

honestly u were probably tired because you didn't eat but i digress... AND SOFT WHITE RICE HAS MY HEART IT MAY BE AN ASIAN THING?? and awh stawp😋 ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE ENGLISH TEACHER THAT YOU CORRECTED IN CLASS? THE ONE THAT CANT SPEAK AS WELL AS YOU?? insanity 😨 i may end up on the news as well. AND YOURE PROBABLY HUNGRY AND DEHYDRATED GO EAT AND DRINK WATER IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY WHAT??? PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!

WHAT AN OWL ON THE ROOF THATS SUPER COOL!! bro i love owls :( and ugh i get what u mean i feel like sometimes the time just slips away... but its okay! you'll have time at some later date <3 make sure you rest enough!!

guys what my jaw just dropped?? THOSE WERE THE MOST RANDOM PLOT POINTS YOU COULDVE LEFT ME WITH. NOW IM JUST CONFUSED? KINDA WANNA READ IT NOW (my readlist has 100+ books on it)...

AND IVE READ SOME OF IT BUT IM NOT UP TO DATE RN I HAVENT HAD MUCH TIME TO CATCH UP RECENTLY

im excited for your bday too!! im trying to math away the time differences in my head so like i would dm at 12 pm the day before your bday so i would catch u at midnight i THINK.

i hope u are having an AMAZING sleep rn alina!!! and u are so smart <3 barf ur teacher needs to stop doing that thats lowk unsanitary? in my book

HELP ME NOT THE JS LIKE ME FR 😭😭 hopefully u guys are able to figure out the gender soon!! im so excited for you guys <33

goshiki is under appreciated as a character honestly and i think its cause of his fuckass haircut 😭 NO OFFENSE TO YOU WHATSOEVER IM SORRY!! HES CUTE BUT THE HAIR IS NOT FOR ME. when i saw him shirabu AND tendou i was like "what the HELL is wrong with shiratorizawa they are all fucked" no they werent they had semi and ushijima BUT THAT WAS FIRST IMPRESSION ANYWAY also konoha UGRHSHSBNDMSJABD hes so!!! so!!! yeah!!! i love him sm... also how did we get on the topic of andrew tate hes such a weird guy i dont like him 💀 AND SO REAL im excited to be 16 <3

AND I HAVE!! make sure u eat something nutritious before school! and drink some water!! i hope your day is lovely <3 ily!!

[cannibalhellhound]

Yesterday it was the tics

I shall complain about ✨pain✨ today

(can you tell its almost 4am, I'm sick and exhausted? because I am)

Being in pain is shit ✌🏼

Being in pain and being undiagnosed is even shittier.

I'm tired of my body not knowing what is wrong with it.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm lit on fire just because I had to get out of bed.

I have broken my arm several times, subluxated both knees, hips, wrists and shoulders.

And I didn't even notice at the moment they happened.

Because my pain threshold is fucked up.

Because I'm in so much pain already on a daily basis that "OH HMMM this cracked bad but my back hurts so much I can't even focus on it" and that friends is how you go around your day for 6 hours before realizing you broke your arm (me, I did that).

I'm in pain daily while medicated.

Which makes it terrifying to think what it'd feel like if I wasn't (I do know and it's not good).

Because ever since I started with the treatment it helps enough to let me get up and help me sleep (I still feel exhausted, just not as bad as before).

And I don't like being whiny.

But most people in my life seem to forget that sometimes I can't even breathe because my funky jiggling ribs will stab me.

Let alone do some other complicated shit like being a functional human being.

I'm tired.

✌🏼

[denjilvrr]

[4:15 AM] AKI HAYAKAWA

“im going to be so tired for work tomorrow.” you thought as you walked into the local corner store. it was 4:15 am and you had work tomorrow morning at 6 but these past few nights have been sleepless.

you walked through the isles searching for your go-to “midnight” snack. grabbing cup ramen, a few candy bars, and a slurpee. not the best mix but it sure put you to sleep with a stomach ache waiting in the morning.

you go up to the counter and patiently wait as the cashier rings up youre items. “8 dollars and 56 cents.” he says. you pull out your wallet and hand him 6 dollars in cash, maybe he’ll let it slide because you come here all the time.

he looks at you kind of funny, “um.. youre 2 dollars and 56 cents short.” you smiled, “can you let it slide this once, please. i dont have cash on me and my card is at home. i come here all the time, me and you are practically friends! so please, just let it slide..?”

“nope! sorry i cant do that,” he laughed, “also we’re not friends.” “oh please just this once ill pay you back tomorrow!” he just shook his head no as you sighed in defeat, grabbing the stuff to put it back, when suddenly you ran into someone who was standing a little to close.

“oh sorry about that, excuse me.” you said as you picked up the candy that had fallen out your hands. “no, my fault, i was standing too close.” the guy said, “by the way if you dont have the money i can pay for it.”

was he listening to the conversation? “oh i couldn’t do that, no thank you!” you said already feeling embarrassed because you didnt have enough cash to pay, but now you couldnt have a stranger pay for it!

“no its alright, theres a deal with the ramen anyways, so just put it with my stuff and give me the cash you have.” you obliged and set your stuff back onto the counter. “thank you..”

“of course, i couldnt have a person go hungry.” he said so casually. you didnt know what it was but something about his attitude made you feel happy.

he paid for his and your stuff and you thanked him again before walking out and sitting at the near by table to eat your ramen, when suddenly the chair infront of you was pulled out.

it was the guy who paid for your stuff. he didnt say anything but ate his ramen comfortably as you kind of just stared at him. “umm thank you again, i really appreciate it.” you said trying to break the silence.

“oh no problem, but whats someone like you are you doing up at this hour? its late you know.” he questioned. “oh! i just couldnt sleep for some reason and this usually helps me, because i get full.” you answered, “also whats youre name?”

“my name is aki, ive seen you around these last couple nights, are you new to the area?” he asked. “oh no, im not,” you laughed, “i lived here for quite a while now but just been coming here these last couple of nights because my sleeplessness.”

aki nodded and took another bite of his ramen, before you spoke up. “i could give you what i owe you another day, just give me contact information.” you said pushing youre phone towards him.

“is this your way of asking for my number?” he chuckled, “but you dont have to repay me in cash, just keep coming here and having some ramen with me, it gets a little lonely eating here by myself at 4am.

you agreed and aki put his information on your phone. the rest of the time you 2 just talked about nonsense until it was 4:45 and you had to leave.

hi guys im back ! (kind of) this has been in my head the last couple of days and decided to write it really quickly since i have nothing better to do lol. might start writing again, who knows ⇨ REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED <3

[consumedbyfeels-reblogs]

I watched RWRB and I am disappointed. They cut all the best bits and made it seem that all there wad between Alex and Henry was lust.

SPOILERS!!!

No Bea dumping tea over Philips head and blaming it on the crack she used to smoke

No June at all, no Leo, Alex's parents are happily married which fine I guess but not how it was in the book.

No Cash, which again not the end of the world but i liked him

there was no Rafael Luna so all of that with him didn't happen.

we get a sleezy press guy that Alex apparently hooked up with. I think it way funnier how he needed to basically be slapped in the face with his sexuality by Nora.

Pez is there but they tell us basically nothing about him and he's barely there. he's great in the book but the movie he's meh at best.

No power point

No star wars. its not a thing at all.

We get no late night ice cream at the palace. Alex doesn't even stay he fly in and fly's out like the same day.

We see Henry talk to the cancer patient but don't hear him say anything. The closet scene at the hospital is like 2 seconds of almost nothing.

And worst of all they cut "I want you" "Then fucking have me" from the movie entirely

Henrys mother is just gone, they make a offhanded comment about her saving elephants I think somewhere. i don't remember where.

I'm sure there are a million more little things and probably big things too but it's 4am and I'm tired so I'm gonna get sleep now.

All in all very inaccurate and not great in general in my opinion. which is very disappointing because I love the book. it's one of my favs.

I will give them that Zarah's line about Alex acting like the sun shines out of Henry's ass was better than the original line. And they kept "History Huh?, Bet We Could Make Some". Alex's speech after there emails are leaked is great.

[saintescuderia]

The Artist’s Way (pt. 1)

Week 1: Recovering a Sense of Safety

I would like to personally thank Saudi Arabia’s time difference. 

Last night I was faced with two options: stay up another two hours and watch FP1 in a fatigued haze where I would surely spend the entire time scrolling through Instagram, barely paying any attention to what was happening and wake up tired the next day. Or, I could use the 4am start time of FP2 as a motivator to get up early. 

The universe rewarded me for going with option two as I watched Fernando Alonso take the top spot that was, for once, not occupied with Max Verstappen. I then was faced with the next decision of go back to sleep and wake up in a few hours tired and sluggish? or commit to staying awake and make the most of an early morning. 

And the universe rewarded me with a burnt coffee at the cafe I walked to spend the rest of my morning being productive. 

Still, coffee aside, I am currently writing this at a cafe where I don’t feel the need to drown out the noise. The fashionable 70 year old woman who came to sit beside me commented on the fact that I was handwriting. We had a nice exchange about life and careers, how the times have changed and, of course, travelling. Because strangers can always talk about travel. 

The ink smudged on my hand was from the pages upon pages I had done as part of this week’s tasks from Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. A three month commitment where you follow a week by week break down as to how to get over an artist block - or how to get back into being creative as a whole. And it’s not just for artists in the sense of painters or musicians. It’s writers as well. 

It wasn’t as if I had planned to start this in March. However, scrolling through the Books app on my iPad as I wanted something to read - I was trying to be more productive than spend the next twenty minutes on Instagram - and I found the book I had gotten and forgotten. Without anything else to do and no other better options, I started reading. 

I skipped the introduction. I had read that before. I went straight to Week 1 and read through it. It was not long and pretty easy to follow along. I found myself considering how simple the tasks outlined would be to follow. So I made a plan to start following them. 

Week 1 is about healing. That is, getting over any self-doubts you may have had about being creative. This meant affirmations and what social media would call shadow work. Where does these doubts come from? Let’s journal about it!

And I would like to personally thank Saudi Arabia’s time difference that I ended up at a cafe for my ‘artist date’ because if I had stayed in the house I would’ve fallen asleep. Instead, I watched the sun rise in a cafe where I had that soul enriching experience that only comes from connecting with a kind stranger and journaled through all the past ‘horrors’ that stemmed my insecurities about why my writing wasn’t good enough. 

Turns out, that bitch of an English teacher from when I was in Year 10 hit me more than I thought. 

And so, the month of March and its daily writing has coincided with the start of me trying to get through The Artist’s Way. I never thought this would be where I was but I also didn’t think I would manage the 4am wake up and go for a walk to a cafe and meet a lady with a cool bag. But here we are.