#because it's just too good for me to belive I wrote that
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regulusrules · 2 days ago
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holy fucking shit this was literally me every time I read my heart is readily yours while writing my breaths are run by your compass
reading my own fics as a reference for a new wip and squinting at it like "how the hell did I do that"
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todorokis-girl · 8 months ago
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I Never Knew You Were Alive - Soulmate AU (I)
Touya Todoroki x f!Reader
This has been on my mind for so so long, and it's been forever since I wrote anything, So I apologize if it's sub par
Chapter I: So it starts Chapter II: A late arrival Chapter III: belive of be doomed Chapter IV: What are we doing? Chapter V: Last minute encounter Chapter VI: Deciding to fall in love with you
Masterlist
Next chapter
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"You chose them over me!" Deep turquoise eye bore so deeply into mine, the pressure on my chest, in my heart, seemed to increase.
"I didn't chose anyone over you Touya", anger, misplaced anger, seeped out of my word "I didn't even know you were alive!" A sob escaped me, which made the current situation so much more real. it had been years.. years of pain, thinking he was dead. How dare he? How dare he imply I chose anything in this situation, I chose the option that would have kept me closer to him. When he was dead.
"We have marks with each others names, we feel what the other feels", he took exasperated steps towards me getting closer and more menacing as he got closer, the feeling of safety slowly washing off me, would he hurt me? would he kill me? "You're gonna look at me in the eye, and tell me, you didn't know I was alive?"
The question was one that burned inside me, ever since I found out he was alive, and it killed me knowing that he wasn't only alive, but with the villains, it drove me crazy and I could barely sleep. I wondered during the years why occasionally I would feel things that were simply not my own; but how was I to know? He was dead, it was a fact, he died in his fire!, so young, faking your own death that young wasn't realistic to think about. I didn't... other than sudden anger, sadness and occasional pleasure, the feelings didn't range far or even often.
"I didn't! I really didn't know, had I know ANY of this, I would hace been on your side no questions asked," I pulled my legs closer to me, the fight we had engaged in didn't fair well on my body. The burns from his fire were negligible, the burn from my own ice, though, if not treated soon could start causing decay "You think I wanted to sit by and let him do any of those things to Shouto? That it brought me pleasure in any way to say your mother hospitalized? Natsuo and Fujumi so neglected?" The tears finally started pouring out, this was emotionally too much, hopelessness and guilt was bubbling up and started to eat me inside "I don't care anymore, just, kill me if you have to"
The Todoroki's took me in, not because of me but because of him, for him. They swore he would have wanted me to be a part of their family, all the other soulmates of their kids were just as welcomed. Enji took it upon himself to look for all their kids soulmates, as soon as posible. We all knew how.... intense, Enji Tododroki could be, but we stayed for our soulmates. They weren't a perfect family, or even a good one; but I wanted Touya with me so badly, and his family was all that was left; his grave, his shrine, I needed him and I couldn't have him. Now what? It seems I never had anything of his at all.
"I'm not going to kill you" he said while slowly crouching down ro my eye level, the fire in his hand slowly being put out; the look in his eyes wasn't the thing giving his emotions away but the bond we had, I understood the resignation and the conflict happening in his heart "but, we are in a bit of a bad situation right now, doll" I swallowed thickly and rested the back of my head in what was left of the concrete wall behind me.
"I'm not leaving the kids to be killed" I said after a moment of silence, having had to steel my mind and build my resolve; making sure I understood what I was potentially giving up.
"I'm not going to leave the league" he replied after a deep breath, and I could hear the same resolve in his voice.
and, there in lies our problem.
I straightened up my head to look at him again, his hands reaching to the ice around me, I assumed to melt it "don't... it hurts"
He looked up at me and stopped, taking a quick Look over me. "You have to do something about the ice, or you'll be short an arm and maybe a leg"
The cold was starting to set, over my body, and as usual it started to build in my extremities, I could barely feel my nose and my fingers anymore.
I ignored him, the current situation not leaving my mind at all, my injuries could wait "What do we do?"
"What we've been doing", he hesitantly reached to touch my cheek, providing much needed warmth, his thumb lightly brushing my nose "I'm dead, sweetheart" He proceded to hold my hands for a while, and I wished the warmth building up in my body could stay forever.
he immediately stepped away from me the moment we could hear running, signaling that there were heros were here "Your helps here," he said something to himself and slowly he was swallowed by some black goo "Don't die on me, I gotta see you at the end of this, however that goes"
_____________________________________________________________
One years before
I casually walk into endeavors hero agency, waving at the receptionist at the entrance of the building, taking notice of how I was being watched by people outside the glass of the building, being the one member of the agency to not hold a fire quirk, I was special, but not really; it provided a little bit of hope to the heroes in training that wanted to be hired and didn't have a fiery quirk, even if me being here was nothing less of nepotism, but I owed Endeavor a lot and I couldn't refuse.
Once I made it to the elevator I made it all the way to my desk in autopilot, not taking much notice of the things going on around me.
"Blue Bird!" I looked up and spotted the blond hair before anything else.
"Hawks" I roll my eyes at him and placed my coffee on my desk, avoiding the recognizable load of paperwork. What was he doing here anyway? I knew about the whole forced partnership with Hawks and Endeavor, but he was rarely at the agency.
The idea of him constantly calling me blue bird was getting old, my lack of a surviving soulmate didn't really made me deserving of the name. Enji Tododroki had done everything for me he possibly could, starting with proving me with a connection to my lost soulmate their family dynamic fucking sucked, ass, but I felt part of the family; and it was the one connection I could have with Touya, since he clearly wouldn't be around. Ever.
Fuyumi and Shouto had also had their soulmates brought into the fold, as soon as Enji could find them. We hadn't been able to find Natuo's yet, but he assured the process was ongoing, until they were found.
I was found shortly after Touya died, I never even got to see him alive. I hated the feeling, especially because sometimes I felt the delusion that maybe he was out there, but I didn't ever allow myself the thought, or it would kill me.
I look up at the winged hero carefully studying his stance, a mischievous bright smile on his face, as usual "Anything I can help with? Endeavor is out on patrol, I don't know when he'll back but I can tell you where he is if you'd like?" I went to sit down on my desk to look for the information I had just offered, before I could grab the chair to sit down I was stopped by a bright red feather in my line of sight.
"I didn't come looking for Endeavor, I can go to his secretary for that, or easily look for him myself" He walks closer to my desk looking it over carefully "I heard you were starting at UA soon, for a new 'alternative strategy' class?" I looked at him, with a confused look, what could he possibly want with me or UA, if he was scouting a student he could simply... call them? The sudden serious look he showed was making me uneasy.
"Yeah, I am. What about it?"
"You can't do that"
"Excuse me?" The finality of his statement, made the uneasiness grow even stronger, tension creeping up my shoulders, the situation. starting to make my soulmate mark itch.
It wasn't common the #2 Hero came over to you and said you couldn't take a job offer. UA seriously needed to teach alternative methods of taking down a villain that didn't just rely on their quirks. I as the person who suggested it in the first place, besides, Endeavor had said nothing of the sort. why would I listen to him?
"I don't think it's safe" He finally responded, after seeming to return from deep though
"Thank you so much for the concern Hawks, really, but I can handle myself" I finally looked away from him and proceeded to start on my paperwork. I just need to finish this and I can start the lesson plans " I already know it's not safe, for the kids, it's the whole reason why I took the job" The tension wasn't leaving, and the fact he stayed didn't help either, I could feel his eyes on my arm, where "Todoroki Touya" was permanently burned into my skin.
"I don't think it's safe" I continued to read over the documents, writing where I needed. The tension bubbling up every milisecond that he didn't drop the subject.
"Endeavor would've said something if he thought there would be an issue" I replied nonchalantly, feeling the pressure starting to bubble over.
Wasn't that this morning? hough to myself as I tried to remember when the specific event cited in the document happened.
"I still don't think it's safe" I sight and stare at him, not replying
...Bubble
"This whole thin is too dangerous, and the kids know enough to protect them" I could feel my brow tense my eyes not moving from his feature, the way he was looking me adding irritation
...Bubble...
"The league is everywhere, and their plans aren't pretty, I can't protect you if you're in the fire already" I attempted to take a deep breath, to calm myself down, feeling heat in my cheek slowly creeping up my arm, forgetting to remind myself to cool myself down in these situations.
Bubble... bubble...
"you're my best friend, and besides my soulmate, I don't really have many people I love" he said, almost pleading.
Bubble... Bubble...
POP!
I felt a strong heat settle on my face, the tension that bubbling up turning into anger, as I slammed the fancy black pen on my desk, reminding me seconds before, to cool down "For fucks sake, Keigo, what the HELL is this really about" The sound of glass hitting the floor and scattering filling the sudden silence between us, I closed my eyes tightly, in exasperation. Control your quirk, idiot. Before I opened my eyes I could feel the freezing cold coming from my desk sight and looked over the icy surface of my desk At least I didn't melt it.
"I'm not trying to undermine you, I know you're a very capable hero"
Hawks and I had became very unlikely friends as soon as we started hero work. I had studied at UA, after getting in from Endeavor's recommendation, hawks and I became really good friends after taking the hero licensing exam, teaming up every once in a while, and being on a coffee outing when he though he had found his soulmate
"Hawks, honestly, you can tell me my death is assured, and I am still doing it. I didn't get my hero license to hide when it's dangerous" I placed my hand on my desk relaxing as much as I could to melt the ice without hurting the structure of my desk "besides, I need something to keep me alive, I'm 22 and I already have half of me ripped away, please, just, let me do this? I would want to see a group of kids hopeful for their futures"
His smile didn't return, which meant he wasn't done, or something was still on his mind; maybe he was debating on saying it or not "The league has a weird focus on Endeavor, and I'm worried about you birdie"
I narrowed my eyes, anger or frustration, I don't know what I was feeling, but what was he trying to imply here "I can take care of myself"
"The protection at UA is for the students, not the teachers, who protects you?"
"Drop it Keigo, enough" I wiped the condensation in my desk, finally resolving the problem I caused, I only had to give it a couple minutes to dry "I'm not refusing the job at UA" I looked over his arm, carefully, protectively hiding his soulmate name. I didn't know her name, but I know her quirk, Levitation, just because he was kind enough to tell me about it in one of our outings a couple years ago.
"I want to finish my paperwork, so I can finish my lesson plans for next week, feel like allowing me to work, bird brain?" I allowed myself He stood up away from my desk and sight in resignation, his smile slowly returning.
"I'll drop in every once in a while," he turns around to leave and offers me a thumbs up "I'm sure it'll get the kids excited, and I'll ge to check up on you"
I smile and wave him off. Setting on a serious look when I saw him stepping out of the office.
I took a bite at the end of my pen, the feeling of Keigo hiding something from me settling deep within my soul, after finally looking at the interaction. My best friend, the second best hero in the country, sneaky, cunning, careful planner as he is, hiding something from me, and being worried that the league of villains could try something against me... that doesn't give me a bad feeling.... not at all.
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icey--stars · 1 month ago
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Hiiii
I saw your requests are open but feel free to ignore this if it isnt
Oh, Queen of angst
would you please bless us with a story where azriel is engaged but not to Eris
Yes you read that right, but wait hear me out
He is still in love with Eris (no mating bond though just love)
Centuries ago or decades whatver he was forced to end things with Eris because what he thought the IC's reaction was
So he watches Eris longingly at a Highlords meeting and then boom, Eris and his mating bond snaps just like that (prompted or unprompted your choice) And Eris is standing there horrified because azriel broke things off with him and he is still in love with Azriel but he thinks azriel doesnt feel the same
And Azriel standing there shocked but super happy because now no one can say anything about his love for Eris because even the mother belives in it. His fiancee and the rest of the IC are there like 😨 Feel free to ignore this but if you would write this I would be ever so indebted to you 🥺🥺 Okii Thanks 🙏 for reading this far and indulging me
I Could Never Forget You
Azriel is incapable of keeping his eyes to himself and oop... now he's got a mate bond on his hands with Eris who he ended things off with centuries ago. What will they do? - 2k words
Author's Note: Darling anon, I wrote this to the best of my abilities (and actually enjoyed it more than I thought I would so thank you lol). I changed the “Az is super happy” part a tad because I really can’t see them being in anything other than pure shock and horror at the situation even while hope blooms. Hope you enjoy regardless!
I did end things off before we got the IC’s and his fiance’s reactions so if you were especially looking for those, let me know! I can add it in a reblog :) just may take some more thinking
TW: suggestiveness to sexual activities (VERY little but minors beware)
↢ 『 ☾ 』 ↣
It had been centuries and that damned face still made his heart flutter like he was some teenage male. It was infuriating. Maybe even more than infuriating. Azriel glanced over at the female who sat next to him. She smiled back warmly, the Illyrian wings behind her twitching some in his direction.
He forced a smile to curve his lips. His fiance. Gods, it was stupid. She was a great female. So amazing that she was practically the only fae Rhysand went to when he needed something handled in the Illyrian camps. She was strong, powerful, demanding, downright gorgeous objectively, and a little bit vain at points. He didn’t know why he felt so guilty.
Azriel’s gaze traveled back across the table. They were in the Dawn Court for the annual High Lords’ meeting to establish trade and peace. And guess who sat directly across from him?
The one and only Eris Vanserra.
His hair was down, which was rare to see. Normally it was worn in complex braids all up and around in Eris’s hair. But the smug bastard still had that smirk on his face as he glanced over at Azriel.
Eris scoffed and turned his head away which was not helpful because it showed off his neck muscles and those damned ears. As per usual, they were covered in jewelry. Chains and rings and dangly little charms. All of it.
And though he was trying to lie to himself, it did look damn good.
Centuries ago, he’d cut things off with Eris. He had to. His family, especially Mor, would’ve hated him. He was sure of that.
And he had a fiance now for the gods’ sake. Why did the damned bastard still make his palms clammy and his cheeks heat up?
It’s possibly the stupidest thing of all time. Yes, he had once loved Eris. But he had responsibilities and loyalties to his court now.
Even if the bastard was way too attractive for his own good.
Azriel sighed and turned his head to try and pay attention to the actual meeting. Thesan and Kallias were having some sort of conversation over trade while Tarquin was trying to cut in with his own plans. Not fighting per say, but definitely close to arguing as usual at these meetings. Nobody truly got along. It was tolerance at best.
Eris swirled his whiskey around in his glass, taking a small sip from it and smirking at the chaos that was being wrought. Likely, it was whiskey brought from Autumn since Azriel knew he hated any other types of whiskey. 
“It just doesn’t burn the same, Az,” He’d argued.
And of course that’s where Azriel’s gaze brought him once again.
His fiance squeezed his hand as if in question and he squeezed back in reassurance. He was fine. He just had to get the redhead out of his mind. (An impossible feat, he might add. Eris had a tendency to effortlessly bring attention to him.)
“Rhys,” Eris suddenly spoke, turning his head away from the arguments beginning. “Was there anything useful you were going to bring to this meeting?”
Rhys sat up a little with Feyre beside him looking exhausted. “Nothing more than news that Hewn City would like to begin trading salt out again.”
Eris’s brows raised in interest. “Salt, you say?” He asked. “Now that’s quite the commodity they’re offering. Shall I talk to Kier?”
“You can manufacture a deal with us,” Feyre spoke up. “We’ll pass it along.”
And here was even more proof that Azriel needed to get Eris off his mind. It would only end poorly.
Eris chuckled softly and hummed in response. “Shall we spar then, Feyre?” He asked. “I’m certain any deals I offer would be more than satisfactory.”
Feyre sighed. “Let’s hear it then,” she replied. Her eyes betrayed her exhaustion, though. Little Nyx was in his teenage phase where he called his own parents and family dumb in order to get independence. Only “Uncle Azzie” was allowed to talk to him now as long as he didn’t bring up anything the little one didn’t want to talk about.
The usual trade talk commenced with bargains going both ways and Azriel found himself just staring at Eris, watching his hair sway slightly when he leaned over the table. He could just imagine pulling it.
“Azriel, do pick up your jaw,” Eris suddenly said, staring directly at him. “I know I’m handsome, but your fiance is sitting right beside you.”
Azriel didn’t even realize his jaw had dropped. He was practically drooling. What the fuck.
And then something happened. He couldn’t describe the feeling well but it felt like something just snapped between him and Eris, yanking him closer to the male. He suddenly felt worry coming down the mysterious thread within his chest.
Then he glanced up at Eris’s furrowed brows.
Azriel took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. Words refused to escape his throat even as hard as he tried.
His fiance rested a hand on his shoulder and he tensed, sitting up immediately.
Rhys seemed to notice now, narrowing his eyes. The daemati knocked on his mind shields and Azriel let them down hesitantly.
What’s wrong? Rhys asked.
He couldn’t respond in words and only pushed the overwhelming feeling towards Rhys’s presence in his mind.
What is it? He asked desperately, hoping, praying that his brother would have the answer this time.
Rhys glanced over at Eris and narrowed his eyes. The other male was also reacting the same way, but he was holding his chest in shock while staring at Azriel.
“Mate,” Eris suddenly breathed in shock.
Azriel’s eyes went wide. That word. It sounded right. Which meant a few things: Eris was his mate. He had a fiance that wasn’t his mate. But he also still very obviously loved Eris despite the centuries. And another thing: his entire family knew. Fuck. How was he supposed to play this off?
“What?” Cassian suddenly asked, leaning over the table. “Did you just say mate?”
“Azriel,” Eris said sharply when he tried to push his chair away from the table to make a run for it.
“What,” he said roughly, his voice scratchy from emotion of some sort. He couldn’t identify it yet. But with Eris’s sharp tone, he also found himself frozen in place.
Rhys had this look on his face. Somewhere between surprise, confusion, and honestly with those furrowed brows, possibly the anger Azriel had been expecting centuries ago when he broke things off with Eris.
His fiance rested a hand on his shoulder again and this time, he flinched violently, letting out a gasp.
“Az,” she tried. “Take a breath,” she commanded.
Azriel’s shadows luckily took pity on his state and rushed up to cover his face while panic creeped up his spine. All conversation had quieted down by now.
“Eris, Azriel,” Rhys began, “let’s go outside for a moment, shall we?”
Azriel pushed himself from his seat at that escape from so many eyes and quickly followed his brother out even as Eris trailed them from behind.
“Azriel, you need to breathe,” Rhys said softly once they were in the hallway alone.
Azriel forced himself to suck in a breath, closing his eyes.
A rush of calm rushed through him suddenly from that string in his chest and his head shot up, shadows falling from his face in shock. It’d been like a jolt to his system to restart and work again.
And Eris was in front of him, tilting his head with concern evident in his facial expression. “Azriel,” Eris began. “Are you alright?”
He let out a sigh before he nodded. “I’m fine,” He managed to get out. He was… not fine, but fine enough for whatever conversation was likely to occur.
Eris scoffed as if he clearly knew it was a lie, but seemed to accept the answer. “Well then, I believe there needs to be a conversation, now doesn’t there?” He prompted.
“Should I let you two handle this?” Rhys asked, raising a brow.
“Go Rhys,” Azriel mumbled. “We’ll handle this. Let my fiance know that I’m fine?” He requested.
Rhys nodded and walked off.
Then he faced Eris and sighed, rubbing his eyes with his forefinger and thumb. “Eris…”
“You want to reject the bond,” Eris finished for him. “It makes sense. You broke things off centuries ago and you have a fiance who loves you. I get it, Az. You don’t care about me.”
Azriel jerked his head back in shock. “I wasn’t going to say that,” He said to Eris, his brows furrowing. He swallowed back his hesitation and sighed. “I do care about you, fireheart.”
Eris’s brows furrowed even more at the pet name. It’d been one of the things that Azriel had called them when they had been dating. It represented his determination, his flames and encompassed part of who he was. Azriel knew he’d gotten the male’s attention with it.
“Then what exactly is your plan, Az?” Eris asked. “You have a fiance.”
Azriel sighed, rubbing his face again as he leaned back against the wall, uncaring of the fact his wings were being partly crushed by the action. “Eris… I didn’t break things off back then because I didn’t want you.”
Eris’s eyes narrowed. “Then why?” He asked calmly.
“My… my family means a lot to me. You know that. I got pathetically scared over their reaction,” Azriel mumbled, a tad ashamed of the fact.
Eris raised a brow, but then he seemed to relax. “So what does being mates mean then?” He asked.
“Maybe it’s proof that I shouldn’t have given up what I loved all those centuries ago,” Azriel admitted, glancing up at Eris timidly.
Eris’s expression softened. “So you were scared?” He repeated. “Are you still scared?”
Azriel paused to think for a moment. Mates were chosen by the Mother. And while he’d met mates that weren’t meant for each other… he also knew how well Eris and he were getting on centuries ago. And though they had changed since then, he doubted it would put a stake through the possibilities of them.
“I can’t be scared if we’ve been chosen by the Mother, Eris. More than half my family knows the significance of the mating bond. I don’t think they’d fault me for trying.”
“And would they fault you if it’s me?” Eris emphasized.
“Going by how Rhys reacts when someone tries to insult Feyre, I don’t think I would physically be able to stop myself if they did try to fault me,” Azriel admitted with a slight chuckle.
Eris rolled his eyes with a smirk. “You do have a fiance, however,” He reiterated. “Are you so certain I’m worth it?”
“I was shocked at first, Eris. But… I want that, Eris. With you. We’d already been planning on how to manage the political situation anyway once you became High Lord. What’s stopping us now?” Azriel asked, a small grin making its way onto his face.
Eris chuckled. “Nothing, I suppose,” he murmured as he took a step closer.
Azriel didn’t try to stop his immediate urge to kiss those lips and practically lunged forward off the wall to grab Eris’s chin and press their lips together.
Eris let out a soft sound of surprise before he melted into it. It was soft. Like coming back home.
It felt like hours before they were forced to pull away to breathe. Azriel panted for a moment, meeting Eris’s gaze.
“You always were a sap,” Eris teased.
Azriel scoffed. “And you aren’t?” He emphasized.
“Oh, I’m unafraid to admit that I am these days,” Eris mused.
For a moment, they just seemed to take the situation in. Then Eris stood up a little straighter. “Speak to your family, Az. Then come find me at the cabin. I think I’m craving a little more than a kiss.”
Azriel scoffed. “Insatiable,” he mused.
“Oh you know I am,” Eris said with a smirk. After a moment, he asked, “Are you really going to end things off with your fiance for me?” There was a little insecurity in that tone.
“Fireheart,” Azriel began. “The only reason I was attracted to her was because she reminded me so much of your spark. She’s become integrated into the family. I think she’d understand. In fact, she might be useful to Rhys while I take a break to deal with the inevitable frenzy.”
Eris scoffed. “And you call me insatiable?” He asked.
“I could never forget you, Eris. You and I are fated.” Azriel replied with a genuine smile.
EXTRA CONTENT: Part 2 w/ reactions of IC and Fiance (only reblogged)
↢ 『 ☾ 』 ↣
A/N: Shh… yes I used “fireheart” as Az’s petname for Eris. IT FIT TOO WELL SHHHHHHHH.
Also, this was not edited. I am lazy. Apologies for any and all mistakes. If I ever reread this, the facepalm I'll give myself is plenty punishment.
Tagged in all ACOTAR Stories: @bunnymallowo, @officiallyunofficialperson, @margssstuff, @rebloggiest-reblogger, @inpraizeof, @graciereads, @eos-princess, @bubybubsters, @fieldofdaisiies, @skyesayshi, @lilah-asteria,
Tagged in all Azriel Stories: @ladylokilaufeyson5, @marina468,
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bigball-thefrog · 1 month ago
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Omg you’re back!! Yay! I’ve missed your writing so much!☝🏻 Now that you’re back I would like to request a little something. I was thinking of maybe something with Sanji. So basically I was thinking of something along the lines of the reader being in love with him and him being in love with her too but the reader is scared of being with him because of her past. So when Sanji approaches her with that she rejects him out of fear and starts avoiding him, so then maybe he begins to get curious about it and asks either Robin and Nami about it and one of them tells him what happened in her past. I don’t know just something along those lines🤔Like maybe she accidentally hurt her past partner? Oh and it would be cool she was the baker of the ship just to have that chef and baker dynamic. And as for her ability you can make that up. Anyway hope you can write it!
HELLO!!!! Thank you so much kind words and thank you for the request, I haven't written for Sanji in so long. This was really sweet and I actually am considering making this into a Character ai bot if you wouldn't mind. I hope I wrote it well and you enjoy it
Warnings/Tags:
Angst to comfort
Rejection
Bullying
Readers has had their feelings played with in their oast
Insecurities and fear of romace
Female reader
______________________________
Narrator POV
For your skills in baking delicious treats and fighting with your baking utensils, Luffy quickly asked you to join his crew. You accepted and that's how you met him... Sanji...
Usually Sanji preferred to be the only own allowed to work in the kitchen, but when someone as skillful and as beautiful as you came in, he didn't mind sharing his space. And quickly you two found your rhythm together. When he'd be making soup you'd be quick to make garlic bread to go with it. Sanji was making chocolate mousse for dessert? We'll you were making doughnuts to be filled with the mousse! The kitchen would be filled will mouthwatering aromas of your baked goods and Sanji's meals, inside the kitchen it was a show to watch you both work, knives chopping, spices being tossed between you two, you were both almost the exact same person now split in half and making a delicious storm in the kitchen, you two, were perfect together.
And now only were your skills in the kitchen a match, your feelings for each other were also a match. It was only a matter of time before you two to fell for each other. A baker and a chef, it's a match made in heaven! Or rather, match made in the kitchen ☞( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞. You loved Sanji, and he loved you back, and more than other ladies! Yes, out of all the ladies in the world, you were the one to win Sanji's heart, and he wanted no one else but you. And you loved him all the same, but there was a big problem. You didn't think he could or would like you back... You had been hurt so many times in the past when it came to romance that you grew to accept that no one would genuinely love you. And then it happened, Sanji came to you with a beautiful bouquet of your favorite flowers and your favorite meal and he asked you out. You froze, you wanted to belive his confession but your insecurities, your pain from the past, you just couldn't believe he was being genuine. "I can't..." was all you managed to say before running away, leaving Sanji confused and heartbroken.
Sanji POV
"I can't..." The words rang through my head, over and over again. Why? Why couldn't she accept? Was it something I did? Did she not like me that way? After that failure of a confession she began to avoid me completely, she'd cook completely, she'd take her meals to her rooms. It was tearing me apart and I just wanted my kitchen partner back...
I was currently stirring some stew for lunch, since that night my energy to cook was low, I still put effort into all of it but it felt like my motivation was gone now that she wasn't with me in the kitchen. I was brought out of my self loathing thoughts when I heard Nami and Robin entering the kitchen, "Sanji, is everything alright?" Robin asked, "Luffy's getting impatient and everyone's realized lunch is taking longer than usual." Nami said, looks of concern on both of their faces. "I'm alright ladies... Just a bit tired lately..." I said and went back to stirring. I could hear them mumble about how something was definitely wrong then Robin spoke again, "Is this about your confession?" I froze, my lips trembled and I stepped away from the pot to wipe my face. Nami sighed and Robin nodded her head. Both girls sat me down and tried to comfort me, "It's not your fault Sanji." Nami spoke and pat my shoulder, "But then what was it it? Why did she reject me??" "It's because she's been through a lot in the past, stuff that's made her more scared of romantic relationships." Robin reassured. I raised my head at that, "Her past? What happened?" "Well, you see, back at her home island, she had a partner, someone she really cared for. But there was an accident... He was helping her bake when he started an argument while cooking and they were so distracted by their argument that he slipped while carrying a pot of boiling water. He was burned all over and she felt immense guilt, and since then she's been scared to let someone get close like that, she just doesn't want to accidentally hurt someone again..." Nami said, Oh, my poor sweet darling... She wasn't able cooperate with her past lover in the kitchen and he got hurt, now she carries all the guilt on her shoulders... "So, it's not your fault Sanji, your confession was beautiful, it's just that she's scared she'll accidentally hurt you in someway..." Robin said. "But what do I do? How do I show her that I'm being genuine and that I really love her with all my heart?" "Nami, you're gonna have to do something deep, something personal, something that can get under those walls she's built around herself." Nami said and squeezed my shoulder "A love letter is always a good choice. Writing down all your thoughts feelings for a person to see." Robin said. A love letter? Writing all my thoughts and feelings of her and letting her read it? It could work. Filled with a new motivation I thanked both girls and got to work, after making lunch of course.
Narrator POV
He spent hours, writing all his thoughts, and all of his feelings towards you and how much he loved you. What was supposed to be a love note, ended up being a love book since Sanji wrote over 100 pages dedicated to his love for you put into words.
It was after dinner now and Sanji was alone cleaning until he heard footsteps and he turned to see you, "I'm just here to bring in my dishes." you mumble and put your dishes in the sink before quickly turning to leave, but Sanji quickly took your hand in his and pulled you back, "Please don't go Mon amour, I have something to give you..." He pleaded, holding your hand delicately in his. "A-alright..." you stuttered, trying to control your already racing heart from jumping out of your chest with the way Sanji held your hand. He momentarily let go to grab his love note/book and placed it in your hands, you looked at him confused before looking up at him, waiting for an answer. "It's all my thoughts, all my feelings put into words... All about you Mon amour..." you felt your heart break before you could protest, Sanji spoke again, "Please my dear, just skim through it, you don't have to read all of it, but just see how I feel, how I genuinely feel about you." Sanji pleaded. You sighed and flipped through the pages, each one the word love written so many times, how he loved your body, how he loved your smile, how he loved how passionate you were about baking, he just seemed to love everything about you, inside and out. You were tearing up as you flipped through each page, then the last page you read entirely and it was your breaking point:
"My love, Nami and Robin told me about what happened with your previous partner and I need to say, it's not your fault. He started that argument and got himself hurt. It brings me deep pain that you now feel this way now. That you do not deserve love because of one mistake from a fool that wasn't looking where he was going. My love, you do not need to carry such weight on your shoulders, you can lean on me and let go of that weight, because I love you and there is nothing you could do to hurt me and make me angry or hate you. Your body, your face, every mark, every curve. I would spend days kissing every imperfection on your your body, yet it wouldn't even take a second to, because there are simply no imperfections on you. You are simply perfect, your passion for baking, your loyalty. My darling you are perfect in every way possible, and I couldn't have asked for a better kitchen partner and best friend. Please, believe me when I say, I love you and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, the both of us together in the kitchen, creating our love in the form of food for everyone to experience. I love you, Ma chérie."
You could not stop crying, his words hit deep and meant so much to you. Sanji was quick to wrap you in a tight comforting hug. "Shhh it's okay... You don't have to cry my love... I'm here, and I'll stay as long as you want me to." He held you close to his chest and rubbed your back, "I'm so sorry Sanji... I was just so scared it was another joke.." "It's okay Mon amour, I understand your fear, but I would never play with a lady's feelings like that, especially not yours." "So you still love me?" "With all my soul" "Do you still want to date?" "With all my existence."
"Kitchen partners for life?"
"Kitchen partners for life~"
______________________________
Alright this is it for now, I will post my poll very soon for you all to decide what I write next, and I will see you all very soon.
Kelly🐸
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koszmarnybudyn · 8 months ago
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Yeah I know that's not a tape recorder this is a doodle and i didnt google it before i drew it. Anyway.. dndads tma au because its plauging my mind again so have a little snippet that i wrote in class:
Uh...Willy, told me to do these logs now as a way of catalouging our "adventures" and archiving the older stuff. I heard before my times there were reports but it seems kinda hard to belive since i've worked here for ages and never seen any, literally none. Guess some unfortunete soul needs to get stuck with the paperwork and today it just happpens to be me.. great. For some fucking reason writing or recording this shit digitally doesn't work, so Norm decided we could use these..tapes? Or whatever, I'm not a nerd. So yeah I'm now stuck in this stuffy basment speaking into a beat up dictaphone like some wacky sci-fi scientist that's going crazy, I guess. *Sigh* Fuck I spend too much time with Norm i'm starting to sound like him.
So where to start..? *Pause as the voice gets slightly further and muffled supposedly reaching under the desk* I guess one of these is as good as any, I think its from... Well definitly before i started working here. Let's just get this over with...
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goatwithaplan · 10 months ago
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I wonder how much content we lost in the process of making dds, its something that genuinly bugs me because there is clear thought put behind this game.
From the main cast there are 2 characters that i would genuinly like to know what the hell happened in development, those are Cielo and Roland.
I'll start with Cielo as i have the most clear proof that something is missing. In the novels and according to ONE singular dialogue in the game Cielo was another child who got experimented with and thats how he knew Sera. Backstory is not content that you would usually leave out of a game. I speculate they had planned some short of storyline with him and Sera and then left it out. He seems to be very interested in Sera and protecting her after he develops his personality.
Roland in the other hand bugs me because he is in the story for so little, much like Lupa and Jinana, but unlike those 2 he gets to stay on the party. I think they either had planned something with him and probably Argilla beyond what happens in the power plant, but due time constraints and disc space they left what they could as good enough.
Reasons to think they had more intentions with Roland: Several characters we get to know revolve around Roland and his backstory is somewhat crucial for the development of the game (Greg's death). Also if you go out of your way to go to random places in the second game and talk to Roland he shows a bunch of dialogue with his personality and preocupations (Thanks @denbprikola , for sending these dialogues to me now i can be insane about Roland too). There is no way in the world they wrote roland to just be a replacement for Heat, yet this guy barely appears in game and dies and i didnt even got to feel sad about him because i met him for 3 seconds.
There is also this idea in my mind, and i know im just coping here, but I belive it is supposed that after Roland's death he manages to reach inner peace so fucking hard he scapes the Samsara, which is why we don't see him among the reincarnated children. It could also be they vanished him with other semi relevant characters like Jinana and Lupa but this theory makes me happier.
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livelaughlovetoread · 2 months ago
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Hiii! If you're still doing the ship ask.. 8 or 23 for Jily? 💗
Shameless Self plug but if you like any of my headcanons you will see them at some point in my long Jily fic A Light In The Shadows!
Send me an ask based on these questions
8. What do they love most about the other? Why?
They both love the thing that kept them separated for so long.
Lily is fiercely loyal to someone with whom she is friends or family. This is why she stayed friends with Sev for so long and did not cut him off. She knew what his life was like, the direction he was going, however, she wanted to try and be there for him so that maybe she could help. Her sister is also the same. I think they had some explosive fight (about the war, and their parents) and things were said that were unforgivable (or maybe if they had a decade they could have fixed it). But Lily's willingness to stand by those who she loves is something James truly loves about her.
I think James, to some extent when he matures, understands why Lily stays friends with Severus. And he respects her for it, even though he hates the guy. James understands that Lily was willing to be there for someone in their darkest times (kinda like how James is there for Remus, but also very different).
You have to truly stab Lily in the face for her to be done with you. James admires her dedication.
This is also why Lily never wrote James off, she knew he was an idiot, but he also had a lot of good qualities and was growing (I think there was steady growth over the years, not just overnight whooopssss I am an ass for James).
James on the other hand acts and defends those he loves/his beliefs with dedication.
Lily might not approve of all of James' methods (especially when he was younger), but there is something honorable about sticking up for your friends/beliefs regardless of what others say.
I personally see James as a bully who viewed himself as punishing bad people (NO he was absolutely not right about this many times). However, someone calls Peter ugly? Hex them in the halls with boils. Did someone make fun of Remus for being sick/visiting his mum all the time? Hex them too. He heard someone use the M word - woops where did the mud come from that is on them?
I think Snape would have pissed James off even more as he 1) insulted his dad the first day on the train and Gryffindor, and 2) was two-faced with Lily. James obviously heard Severus saying shit and could not stand it when he would play innocent. (James also targeted Severus because of Lily too I think). I could also see James in some diluted way wanting to show Lily how bad Severus had gotten.
None of the above is right or what Lily loves about James - but those mistakes lead him to be who is really is. Which is someone who uses his words first and then his wand in sticking up for those he loves.
Someone makes fun of Peter? "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say it at all."
Someone makes a rude comment about Remus - he tells them that he hopes their family all stay healthy and that they don't have to worry about them while still at school.
Someone says the M word - okay he still hexing them.
It's this change that occurs and James unwavering dedication to standing up for what he belives in that Lily loves the most.
The next one is below the cuts as this has gotten long!
23. What are the defining characteristics of their relationship?
Love - They love each other, including their flaws, though they are both working on them. It is a deep love.
Trust - They trust each other has the best intentions, that in a fight the other one has their back.
Mutual Respect - This is one that they always had. Even when they were young, they both had respect for each other when they were in disagreements. James respects that Lily is a loyal person, while she Respects that he fights for his friends.
Affection - They are very affectionate people. They are always near each other when they can be. It's not over the top, but at a party, it's often them standing together or touching feet when they sit down near each other. It's their way of saying I am here, and I love you.
Send me an ask based on these questions
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thatguylucass · 3 months ago
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I find it difficult to empathize with someone's decision to end things with you. You are an incredible person, and they are undeniably losing out on the opportunity to be with you. I simply can’t understand why someone would be so close to marrying you and just bail.- H
Haha, that is very sweet of you to say but dear annon I trully am no saint..
Its been a while since I have spoken about that relationship but I will provide some context. When I was 13 I meet someone, we will call them… Kitkat.
TW: Mentions of abuse, Suicide, self harm and abusive relationships
Kitkat was a year older than me, and of course we meet online. Maybe I was young and stupid but i fell so hard for this guy it was insane, we would talk 24/7 and we where so close, we became best friends. A year later i confessed and got friendzoned, but a month later after i had tried datibg someone he said he liked me and we started dating.
The relationship was extremely toxic. I came from a background that made me be very clingy and obsessive so anything i did i mean, Anythibg i would ask him, it was as if they where the only reason I could live. This is why i dobt belive he was fully to blame as I didn’t know what real love was like.
Kitkat obviously became abusive, he enjoyed the control and it got to his head. So he went from a good person who was hurt due to religious trauma and abusive parents to becoming the abuser,. It was like the both of us where hurting eachother as years went by. I wanted to be saved and someone to tell me how to live, while kitkat wanted someone who would never leave them and love them unconditionally.
My bestfriend saw this and things started to go hay wire very soon. I started to self harm anytime kitkat would get mad at me, (mostky because they were trying to make thibgs stop) soon i stopped doing things I loved. KitKat on the other hand became more aggressive and controlling.
We broke up around 3 times i think before things ended fulkt. The first time was when I was 17, the day of my birthday. When I tell you i lost it, i really did. I attempted suicide and felt like i couldn’t live without them, The second time was a few mouths later, and third time was a few months before I turned 18, I belive 5 months before covid started, what made it different the last time was that, I ended things, well mostly my best friend wrote everything and I just sent it while crying.
It was hard. I will say, and kitkat still comes back from time to time, i would be lying if i didn’t say i didn’t love him, but.. together we hurt eachother. Being out the worst in eachother.
i am 22 now and i am still trying to process what that was. I mean last time I spoke to kitkat i was 20.
I dont know if I blame him, but i also dont blame myself. After all i never meet this guy in person in my life, all these years of suffering and pain was through a screen. I just think the two of us where young and stupid. There was nothing at all, nada. the marrige thing he mentioned it once when I was 17 and every day i started to go to the airport waitibg for him to come, hoping he would one day arrive in my own delusion. He never did of course, how would he, he was just 18 and mentioned it off hand never confirmed it. But to me it felt real.
I guess I was just far too into him for my own good, i mean he was the reason i moved to Canada so that we could live together there. but I suppose I never trully left Canada. What life does to you, huh?
But oh well, I can just laugh about it, The wounds are old scars for now lol, have a funny picture of me when i was 18 to brighten up your day
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wven back them i was a funny guy, some thibgs never change XD
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inlovewhithafairytale · 2 years ago
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I think we lost her part 2
I'll be good
Theo reaken x reader
never meant to start a fire I never meant to make you bleed I'll be a better man today
I'll be good, I'll be good And I'll love the world, like I should Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good For all of the times that I never could
My past has tasted bitter for years now So I wield an iron fist Grace is just weakness Or so I've been told I've been cold, I've been merciless
But the blood on my hands scares me to death Maybe I'm waking up today
Yn slammed the door of the truck and started walking toward the MCcall household yawning. She walked toward the door and furrowed her eyebrows when she heard some yelling from the inside and someone angrily walking toward the door.
Malia appeared with her face into a decuided frown and stalked past her berely giving yn a hello.
"Well hello to you too bestie" yn muttured and walked into the house closing the door shut behind her. Scott inmidiatly appeared and his eyes widened in shock when he saw her.
"Yn.. uh what are you doing here?!"
"I told her to come" liam answered scott before yn had the chance to. Scott looked as if he would kill is own beta and liam lifted his hands up in defense "Idont think is fair that we lied to her and shes one of my best friends! She was literally going to kill herself!"
Yn raised an eyebrow at the alpha and the beta wondering what had gotten into them"you guys" they both turned around to face her "I am very confundida, and why does this even have to do with me?"
Scott started to say something to probably send her home when Yn heard a voice she though she'd never hear in her lifetime, a voice she could only hear in dreams.
"Yn?"
She rushed between liam and scott and into the kitchen and saw theo pushing himself to stand, blood falling from his nose.
His eyes widened when they met hers and yn drew in a sharp breath looking around, but scott liam and hayden were all looking between the both of them.
"Your'e here?"she whispered
"Hey baby" he answered giving her a small smile eyes full of tears.
Yn gave a breathy laugh and ran toward him wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his torso.
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Theo held her tightly against him chuckling "oh god youre here, youre here, youre not dead"yn repeated aginst his neck as she held tightly onto him.
"Im here princess. And i dont plan on living any time soon" theo murmured aginst her hair and then kissed her cheek. Yn let go and theo set her down on the floor putting a hand aginst her cheek. Both their eyes were full of tears as they both chuckled happily. Then theo bent down and kissed her, putting both his hands against her face, lips fitting perfectly together moving in slow motion.
Yn pulled away after a moment and looked up to him smiling "I thought you were dead"
"Well not exactly "
"But scott said-" yns words hitched and she whipped around to face Scott. "You lied to me?" She demanded.
Scott blinked and nodded"yes, because i knew-"
"Where on earth has he been this past 3 months?"
"On hell with his sister" scott answered
Yn pursed her lips in a tight line and shook her head "how could you?! Scott ive trusted you with my life and you just couldnt keep the only person ive ever loved safe?"
"Yn hes KILLED people, he killed his own sister, he killed ME, he hurt your dad-"
I though you were the true alpha"yn snapped"i though you were the one with the heart of gold, the one who belived in second chances! The one who actually cared!" Yn swallowed down the tears that were threatening to fall" I gess i was wrong"
"I did what I had to do to protect the pack" scott said defended himself.
"Dont you think I know!" Yn screamed her eyes flashing their signature violet " I would do anything for the pack, to keep everyone safe, Im the one who tries to keeps everybody safe. But when it comes down to it YOU couldent keep the Only person I've ever loved safe, ive never asked for anything scott. Not once. Why on earth did you lie to me?"
Scott couldent find the right words he knew yn was angry, and he also knew she would do anything to protect the people she loved "I knew you'd raise hell if necessary to bring him back" he answered
"Yes I would!scott i tried to kill myself because i felt a gaping whole on my chest. I had constant nightmares and you saw me go through all that because you tried to keep the pack safe?because yo knew ill bring him back?!" Yn squintedher eyes dangerously "i genuinely despise you scott MCcall"
"Yn listen im sorry-" scott said trying to apologize
"You could have said that around 3 months ago dont you think?"
Yn turned reached for theo's hand who had been staying silent through all the conversation as well as the others. He took her hand and let himself be gided toward the door.
"Were are you going?" asked scott blocking their way
"Im living and theo is coming with me, try to stop me and I WILL raise hell" yn threatened
Scott moved out of the way and tried to look at his betas for help but hayden only shrugged "shes right" and liam went to follown them, katana in hand.
"Yn!" Liam called before they could exit the house
Yn turned around to face him and liam extended the katana for her to take"you would problay want this" he tould her
Yn gave him a small smile as she reached for the katana" thanks liam"
Liam nodded and looked at theo who gave him a silent thanks by giving him a nod wich he returned.
When they exited the house and theo saw his truck he gave her a small smile " you kept it"
Yn shrigged and gave him a tighed liped smile"its yours, it just felt like the only thing i had left from you." She reached the keys out to him " you drive"
"Nah give me a few days to adjust on being back"
Yn gave him a small nod "ok" she walaked toward the deivers side as theo got into the passangers.
Yn turned on the ignition, and once theo was in started driving home.
"Why did liam let you out?"
"He thought i still had Josh's power" he kept his gaze on the road " but I didnt"
"You dont have it anymore?"
"No, Joshs or tracy's im back to good old me" he answered giving her a sad little smile
"Thats great, I like old you" she spared a glance at him with a smile" its actually my favorite you"
Theo laughed and took her hand giving it a smalla squeez. Then as if he caughed a smell of something he opened small compartment between the seats.
"Uh dodnt open that" yn said trying to stop him but he just gave her a puzzled loom and pulled out a bottle of vodka half empty
"Or do..." yn said pursing her lips on a tight line and kepping her eyes fixed on the road.
Theo looked from the bottle to her eyebrows raised "didnt know you drinked"
" I didnt."
"Does this have to maybe do with the fact that you said earlier you almost killed youself" he asked her quietly. Knowing he was walking on thin ice." Uh.. yeah" she answered her eyes till fixed in the road
"What happened?" His voice full of concern
Yn took a minute to answer "You were gone. You were Dead. And i just wanted to forget everything. Everybody was sympathetic but i knew they didnt even mean it. Everybody hated you" yn looked at theo who nodded at her to continue "so i took the bottke my dad kept hidden and downed it. I felt awful the next day. And thats an understatement, but just for a minute you know. I felt fine. I didnt feel anything anymore. So I took your truck and started driving every night to the look at point and sometimes malia found me there. Completely wasted. And thats how it went for 2 months. I went to school, locke myself in my room and do homework. Hit the shit out of my punch bag. And then drive to the look out point. Till one day i got in a fight with stiles and i decided that i didnt want to live anymore. So i downed a bottle of sleeping pills with vodka"
Theo drew in a sharp breath as he heard how much he actually meant to yn. How much she loved him, and it startled him. Be ause he thought he wasent meant to be loved.
"Dad found me in my room half an hour later and rushed me to the hospital were i spent 1 week in a bed"yn continued "it was awful. Dad made me promise him id never do it again. I actualky felt bad for everyone. They were all so worried. Stiles didnt live me out of hes sight till. Well you know.. got taken."
Once she parked the car in the driveway she spared a glace at theo.
He had tears in his eyes as he looked at her. Her hand securedly in his.
" Im so sorry" he whispered
"No oh god no theo" yns hand quickly went to his face " baby its not your fault, i shoulent have told you now"
"No, im glad you told me" he said swallowing down his tears " do you really love me that much?"
"To the point were i would kill myself to be with you, YeS" yn aswered lokking into his eyes " yes theo I love you, and i would do anything for you. dont. You. Ever. Doubt That.:
"I love you too yn. I love you so much" theo said gently squeezing the hand he held in his." Don't doubt that'
"Trust me. I don't " yn answered with a breathy laugh.
Theo rolled his eyes at her and then gave her a peck in the lips." So what do you plan on doing with this" he asked taking the bottle and lifting it
"Just live it in the car,dad would kill me if he knew I had that"
"Right" then he bent down and slided the bottle under his seat"there you go"
Yn chuckled and opened the door climing out of the car "so dads at work wich means we wont have to undergo akward questioning" she informed theo as they walked toward the doorway. Yn opened it and stepped in theo behind her. "Are you hungry? There's pasta. I can heat it up real quick"
"Uh no thanks, liam bought take out" theo answered smiling down at her.
"Kay" yn grinned back at him and took his hand leading him toward her room.
"Take a bath. You kind of smell" she said as they walked in, scruching her face into a smile
"Geez so hard" answered theo in mock pain. Yn just laughed and walked toward her drawer. Bent down and opened the botton one and pulled out one of theos shirt and pants.
"Here you go" she said straightening up and handing the clothes to him.
"I dont want to know?"
"There are clean towels in the bathroom "yn said ignoring him.
"Thanks mom" he jocked and kissed her cheek as he walked past her.
Yn stood there for a moment till she heard the water running with a big smile on her face.
He was back. Theo was finally back and alive. And soon they would get everyone the ghostriders took and everything would be alright.
Then she took off the taktop she had and her bra and pulled on an oversized shirt. And since she already had her pajama pant on climed to bed. Resting her back against the pillows.
She bent forward and retrieved a book next to her bedside. She was resting back comfortably when a notification rang on her phone. She 5ook it from the night table and ooened it to see it was Liam.
"Hey baby, liam asks where do we need 5o meet to get to the power thing"yn called
"Oh you mean the generator? Tell him its in the reserve" he answere from the bathroom.
"Okay...... uh, he asks 10 or 11 am, 11 right?
"Yeah" theo opened the door pulling on his shirt
Liam
Ok then
Wear protection ;)
Yn
Liam. NO
Yn turned off the phone chuckling at tye antics of the teenage werewolf
Theo sat down in the bed next ro her his back against the headboard.
"You look cute with your hair all wet" yn commented smiling up at him.
"Hmm"hummed theo nodding giving her a small smile"what are you reading?"
"The hunger games" yn answered lifting the book up.
"I saw the movie but never read the book"
"Youre welcome to read them anytime. This is actually the second book but the firt one has to be somewhere in my bookshelf."
"Ill take you up that offer" he muttered.
youtube
Then he gently slapped his tights gesturing her to come over" come here" he told her, more like a question that something else.
Yn smiled and sat on his lap. Her legs to one side and her head below the crook of his neck. She took one of his hands in hers and started playing with his fingers, while he ran his fingers through her hair with his other one. He pressed a kiss on the top of her head breathing her in, finally feeling as if he was finally home whit her in his arms.
"I never meant for you to get hurt" he whispered closing his eyes
" what do you mean?"yn softly asked him running her thumb softly on the top of his hand.
"I never meant it to be like this love, i never meant for you to get hurt. Ill be better yn. Ill be good" he muttered resting his chin on top of her head. yn could hear him sniffle as a tear rolled down his cheek "ill be good. I will try to be better. I will try to make things right. I shouldent have done what I did. I shouldent have hurt them. I shouldn't have been what ive been all this years. Ive been so cold. So heartless. So mercyless" he choked out tears falling. Yn held his hand betwee both of hers tightly. Letting him pour his feelings out." but yn. It scares me. All the blood in my hands terrifies me. And maybe. Maybe im waking up. Today. Ill be good. Ill be good" he sobbed. yn lifted her head ane put her arms around his neck letting him cry into her neck " I'll love the world like I should. I promise ill be good, for everyone I've ever hurt. For everything good ive ever doubted. For all the pain ive brought to you. For everything ive done all this years. For all those hipes and dreams ive killed. And for ever doubting you" he sobbed. Yn held him close as a few of her tears fell into his shirt. "Ill be good, I"ll be good" he repeated again
"I know you will theo" yn whispered " and promise ill be here. I promise I will always be here"
Theo snuggled his face into the crook of her neck and rounded his arms around her waist holding her close.
They sat there, holding each other. Till in the end yns eyelids closed without her consent, and she dozed off.
Theo felt her breath deepened and knew she had fallen asleep. He cautiously, trying not to wake her, rearranged the pillows. He leaned over and turned off the lights, and layed her in the mattress, tyen he laid down his front pressed to her back and rounded one of his arms around her waist.
"Mhh?" Yn hummed sleeply"sorry i just didnt sleep last night" she apologized sleeply
"Hey, its all right" theo cooed and yn turned around rounding one arm around his torso, snuggling closer and buring her face into his chest.
And there. They finally felt happy, like some part off them had finally returned. They felt like home
Ill edit this when I can but here it is!!
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chaifootsteps · 1 year ago
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If Hazbin Hotel ends up canceled, im pretty sure it will be because of Vivzie's fault; whatever is it because she was hard to work with, because she keep throwing hissy fits every time the network didnt let her do any crazy idea she has for the show (like wasting thousands of dollars on getting some fancy broadway actor to voice some ugly character), or simply because the show she wrote was so bad that nobody watched it so they had to cancel it due the lack of views.
Whatever it is, it will be Viv's fault, but i know the fans will not reconise it;
If that days comes, i just know the Viv's bootlikers will be annoying af on social media and blame anyone but her. They will blame the network for "not giving an indie proyect a chance", and how "companies hate animation" and blah blah...
They will also blame the public, saying shit like "OMG We finally got an indie show on TV and y'all didnt support it?!?! Fuck You!" So basically lots of gasligthting and blaming as if we were supposed to watch something we dont like just to support an indie proyect.
Sorry if i sound too negative, but if find it hard to belive that H.H could be succesful as a TV series and not be cancelled after maybe 7 episodes, like, its seems like one of those proyects that can ONLY gain a public on the internet.
It reminds me to those shows made after youtubers, those would be "succesful" the first episodes just because it had the name of said youtuber, but then people would realize that just because their favourite youtube made funny videos doesnt mean they would make a good show, and drop it. Years later, that show is remembered for how bad it was.
Some things doesnt translate well from the internet to TV, i think Vivzie's proyect are some of them. Maybe thats why H.H doesnt have any real promotion from the network; because they know nobody who isnt an internet addict or an edgy kid will watch it.
(Also sorry if some of the things i said doesnt make sense or are hard to understand, English aint my first languaje lol)
Nah, you're not too negative or hard to understand. "Wasting thousands of dollars on getting some fancy broadway actor to voice some ugly character" made me laugh.
I don't know what's going to happen, but I definitely think it's going to be an interesting time, and that we can count on Vivzie's bootlickers to be as stable and normal as ever.
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tangledinink · 1 year ago
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I have a fic gift inspired by this post https://www.tumblr.com/tangledinink/724042848550404096/do-you-mean-to-imply-that-he-will-be-18-19-or?source=share
While I don't belive this will actually happen the angst was too good to ignore. I'm sorry if it's bad, I'm currently sick lmao
This is kinda the grief of losing a sibling you once thought you knew for content warning
Leo didn't know why he thought Donnie would even be glad or remember their birthday.
Maybe it was some dull hope that Donnie would remember his family indefinitely, after all nothing meant more than family in the Hamato Clan.
Maybe Donnie didn't believe that it was their birthday because of some long held details of them being twins that transferred over or that they technically weren't born on the same day (or that the lake had some time dilation thingie).
Maybe this was the end of their twin hood.
It was strange seeing Donnie all dressed up as some Swan Lake ballerina wannabe. The more and more Leo saw Donnie, or Swan-Don, the more he forgot what Donnie looked like before the curse.
Pictures helped him remember the before time, before the curse, before his brother attacked him, be he was a stranger in a mirror, before there was no longer a mirror to look at.
The things Leo once knew about Donnie, were now mere footnotes of a life they once had. Ballerina and honong his fighting and lake duties was all Donnie seemed to like doing. If he remember Donnie tried to figure out the lake curse. At least Mikey could relate with the ballerina stuff and Raph with fighting but there was less room for Leo.
Maybe Donnie was no longer his brother.
On rare occasions, Leo was able to ninja his way to the lake unnoticed, he saw how at piece Donnie was. Not worried about remembering, protecting a stupid lake, or being the best technician in the world, just a wierd Swan turtle enjoying Swan turtle things.
Would Donnie even like pizza or skateboarding with his brothers anymore?
Maybe they weren't even family anymore.
Leo was tired of them being the only ones to put in the effort to help Donnie escape. Well Donnie was putting in effort but everytime he chased them off, everytime he fought against them, everytime he hurt the rest of his family, Leo wondered who Donnie was more loyal to.
The more Donnie told Leo to get out, the Leo was inclined to return. The more Donnie forgot Leo, the less Leo thought there was success in removing the curse. The more Donnie fought Leo, the less Leo saw the person who was his family.
Did Donnie even love Leo? Who knows. Donnie would certainly forget.
At this point it was the lake who had Donnie's love but Leo liked to think differently. It was all in vain.
Maybe the lake was Donnie's family now and Leo would just have to accept that.
Hope was a ninjas greatest weapon, but what was it too seeing a person you once loved dearly dissappear right in front of you?
Maybe Donnie wasn't even Donnie anymore, just a pawn of the lake to forever protect the queen.
aaaa!?!?!? ; 0 ; yOU WROTE A THING FOR ME??? I AM,,, SO FLATERED,,,
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sourstars · 2 years ago
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yearning man; the cruelest condition | kuroo tetsuro.
giving hallmark with this one; soulmates who don't grow old until meeting?? sob. wrote in the same haze i did when i wrote midoriya’s. soulmate kuroo at his hopeless! if you find any mistakes please let me know!
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He has learned, contrary to the belief of many, that he rather abhors the allure of red, but adores the particular shades of blue that morph from the original; ultramarine, cobalt, electric, sky, baby, periwinkle (which he believes should be considered more of a purple and probably is)—but his favorite for the last seventy years has been robin-egg blue.
He belives that in the time of looking for ‘the one’, he has discovered instead what makes life bearable. He likes his coffee black but with two sugars, sometimes three if he’s feeling risky, tea with sometimes too much honey, four pillows in bed so he has two to cuddle. He likes dogs, not as well as cats but has a certain endearment for his neighbor’s cocker spaniel, who seems to enjoy laying across his feet in protest whenever he visits, refusing to let him leave. He likes the routine of visiting the shops that open and close; the bookstore that burnt down and was rebuilt in defiance, the bar with the bartender who tells him really good jokes, the fabric store that trades gossip as well as wares. A maximalist to his core, but in seventy years, at least things would be there if someone wanted a list; what have you found, if not the other half of your soul?
(Not enough.)
(“I feel I could eat endlessly and still be starving.” He says, and Kenma waits for the punchline. “Because I feel what would nourish me is what has not found me.”
“I suggest you start writing poetry. You would be a hit with goths.” But his best friend would know him in every variation; he is a painting stripped of cover, in every medium. “You’re talking about your soulmate again.”
“Yes. There’s no comparison. None.”
“Giving up already?” Kenma smiles at that, laughs hard enough that his eyes squint and says; “And here I thought you’d strip the world to bone.”)
In truth, it is not for the lack of trying. He has spent every penny of his fortune and created another just to look into every face, buy every ticket, spend every hour creating a map of where you could be—he has been to every continent, every state, he’s sure nearly every city but another may always rise out a former’s grave. For a year he gave up searching, but a year turned into two and two into five and then Kenma sent him a picture of a stranger, who walked with a grace so familiar to him that he imagined he had lost control of his jaw.
And he imagines it must’ve been a fluke—that some things aren’t tethered to others the way people entertain, but then Hinata sends a photo, and then the Miyas, and the Tanakas, even the Haibas after. Everywhere he’s went, everywhere he’s not, you are there, dressed in his heartstrings. Perhaps this is his eternal punishment; knowing you want something so badly and never being close enough to grasp it.
(It is so strange, he thinks one night, to feel like the compass needle without direction. North, he knows, but the star is missing and he has been painting directions on kites, tacking fliers to all of the telescopes, hoping it will see.)
“It’s a little creepy to take pictures of strangers without them knowing. I’m pretty sure it’s also illegal.” Kuroo pinches a strawberry between his fingers, biting into it to the stem, letting sweetness coat his tongue. The longer he chews, he can feel the bitterness that will dry the throat. “I still think it’s just a coincidence. It won’t be just anyone, I’m sure I’ll know it when I see them.”
“Say it again and maybe you’ll convince yourself this time.” He can practically hear Tsukishima’s eye roll. “They’re definitely looking for someone. Hinata said they came into the bookshop just after you did and took a walk around the store but didn’t buy anything. I think you just have a broken radar,"
Kuroo’s mouth twists. “Are you sure it’s not just a shoplifter? Or just a coincidence? Hinata wouldn’t be able to see a criminal if they stood in front of him wearing handcuffs.” He pauses, mulling over his thoughts, listening to the thunder of rain outside of his window. “…That makes me sound like a dick—but the point is that I find it a little hard to believe it all comes together now.”
“You are a dick, but consider the idea the universe isn’t a total idiot. I’ve been trying to avoid my ‘other half’ for a month now and every time I think I’ve done it—wham! There they are, staring me in the face,"
“You ever hear about magnets?”
“Stop.”
“That’s literally what it is. You hate each other and can’t stop finding ways to eat each other’s faces? Magn—”
“Tetsuro. Kuroo. You need to go outside—you need to go outside right now. I’m looking out of my window, I think I just saw—”
“Please don’t tell me—”
“—them. Turning the corner of Third. They’re holding… two coffee cups?” Tsukishima falls quieter then, voice tough as steel. “My advice; stop being a coward. If it’s wrong, it’s wrong but at least you’d know. Life goes on. Go.”
He has the best and worst of friends. “Fuck. I hate you. Getting my shoes.”
(It has taken so much to get here. He hopes in the mail room of destinies, he is a package only slightly dinged, hopes he is something someone is expecting and still excited for.)
He’s forgotten his umbrella and his hair sticks flat to his head when he arrives, inky blackness falling in front of his eyes, but his feet continue to slam against cement, his phone bounces in his pocket, his heart skitters across his ribs. The drizzle turns to downpour, downpour to drizzle. It seems even Mother Nature has a heart unwilling to live so softly.
Each step, Kuroo thinks; life is like a box of chocolates; something is always missing and every version of the map leads you opposite of where you want to go. He thinks; regardless of anyone’s age, they will never know anything, or everything. They will always be surprised.
When he sees you in person, he almost trips; like a child that learns to walk, he has misplaced the knowledge. The air escapes his lungs, the words he’d muttered under his breath have forgotten his name; he believes now, his senses have moved out and are backed up on the rent.
You catch his eye when he turns the corner, waving with one to-go cup, and time begins again. “Hello.”
Kuroo stares into your face, mouth parted, raindrops sliding past his eyes, down his cheeks. He is speechless—this is what love must be, to be both lighthouse and ship wanting to dock and never knowing when you’ll find a harbor.
He thinks; he is too old to have lovesickness such as this. He thinks; he is too young to know the type of wanting that craters into his soul like this. He thinks; that is okay, he has the rest of his life to love and hate figuring it out. He is right.
“It’s too late now,” he says. He wrings his hands in front of him, feels the need to tap his shoe. “I fell in love with you the moment I saw you.”
You smile and he swears he hears music. “About time, second place.” He believes if the word sublime had a name, it would be yours. You are paradise sent, a catastrophically perfect being. A hurricane where he is perpetually in the eye. “I’ve been looking for you.”
(It cannot possibly be this easy.)
Kuroo hears the sidewalk traffic as people walk around you both, feels the cutting breeze, the firmness of the earth. It helps him breathe and yet scares him so. Life has a way of being unbearably real. “So I hear. You like blue?”
“Only this kind.”
“Interesting.” He doesn’t miss a beat. “I think I was made for you,” He feels he might hiccup up his heart. “I think we shared a star, once.”
Electricity, sunlight, supernovas, comets—none as bright as the sight of your half-lidded, knowing eyes, the unrestrained curl of your lips. He thinks that if he were to knit your hands, your thumb would brush the beauty marks on the side of his finger, over his knuckles, your wrists would kiss, the spaces of his body would fit yours.
It is quite impossible, he would’ve said, but he is a believer, now, of all things unblemished, all things unexplainable. He feels you could brush his soul with the pad of your finger and it would bring him to his knees.
(But maybe it is.)
The cups are placed into his hands, the smell of peppermint and vanilla, wafting. Your fingertips are hot, palms warm as they are softly pressed into his cheeks. You’re a breaths-width away, voice is twisted into song, and he bets the world has fallen from his feet.
“Finally.”
(He is hopelessly, endlessly, terribly devoured by the loveliness. It has been a vacation where he has painstakingly, wonderfully arrived home. He has never been this peaceful. Here’s the north star, he thinks, I was looking for it, and it was looking for me.
He will never love another color like this one again.)
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reblogs are preferred and appreciated!
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shooting-love-arrows · 1 year ago
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Me to Mortician!Yandere:
/) /)
ପ(˶•-•˶)ଓ ♡ Gimme more plz (I’ll be a corpse if ya want me too)
/づ づ
I finally figured out why I can send the picture! It is because Tumblr doesn’t like anons sending em ૮₍⇀‸↼‶₎ა!
Also, I love love love Mr. Mortician because I actually want to be a Mortician! It’s one of my dreams!
As odd as I know that may sound ૮꒰ ྀི >⸝⸝⸝< ྀི꒱ა
So I think me and him would get along swimmingly!~
I love the way you wrote him and I can’t wait to see more of him!~
On another note, how do you think Mr. 1950’s Husband or even Mr. 1950’s Rich Man would react to a Mortician darling? I actually was thinking about asking and then you posted about Mr. Mortician, lucky timing I suppose ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა!~
Anywho, I’ll give ya another *squeeze* and some bread since ya seem to like it so much on the way out, and hope you have another dazzling day/night my darling honeybun!~ <3
Also, hope you enjoy TWST (Twisted Wonderland)! I’ve fallen in love with it too! Who’s your favorite as of right now? Mines Idia!~ ໒꒰ྀི ∩ ⸝⸝ ∩ ꒱ྀིა
- ໒꒰ྀི ˶• ༝ •˶ ꒱ྀི১₊˚⊹♡
Dear ໒꒰ྀི ˶• ༝ •˶ ꒱ྀི১₊˚⊹♡ Anon,
You don't need to be a corpse but sometimes it's better to pretend to be one. After all, you are dealing with a walking red flag. But remember to remind him from time to time that you are alive. Oh, he loves you too. In fact I belive you are love of his life. This man falls last but harder. If you want more of him and you have some ideas, my inbox is at your disposal (requests will be written after I'll reopen them)
Wow, I didn't expect that. It's not odd at all, dear. What an interesting choice of career! You're the first person from my surroundings who’s interested in becoming a mortician. I certainly hope you'll achieve your dreams. It's such a pity! Well, I'm certain your fanart is fantastic. No need to feel sad about such trivial matters. Remember, do things that will make you comfortable. I have a favor to ask you, if you could send me a part of your post about how my yanderes would react to mortician! reader again. I'll gladly write them later but now I'm focusing on completing the requests. You can just copy and paste that part. Thank you for understanding in advance. Thank you for your squeeze. I needed it. Well, my day is fine but it seems that sickness decided to pick me as its next victim 😔 About the bread. I mean, there is this anon jumps in my inbox from time to time and gives me free food. (I appreciate the thought behind it!). Who am I to decline it? Anything you will give me is fine dear. Now I'll go and eat this bread with some good, homemade jam. Hope to hear from you soon and have a wonderful day (even if it's not daytime), my darling pink rose! P.S So far I enjoy it. Perhaps it's because I love the stories they were based on. Right now, I am stuck on Vil. Our unapproachable and mean Queen is just pulling me in. India, my spiritual animal, has a great potential to be an adorable husband. Imagine a reverse version of the myth about Persephone and Hades. Instead of Hades aka Idia seducing you it is you that do so. He would stop functioning, I'm telling you. P.S.S I went all out on this answer, huh?
@shooting-love-arrows
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liauditore · 1 year ago
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tw dysphoria (i guess?), abandonment issues (it always when we talk about jimmy), just rambling about jimmy not being a toy but being dysphoric about it
(you can just delete it before reading if it could trigger you)
in my head all this "jimmy is a toyyy!!!" arc was not about haha toy story and let's ignore how they could know about it, okay, it's like how scott doesn't remember pearl and jimmy just OMG MY RANCHER, OMG SCAR, OH NO, GRIAN and yeah yeah yeah
you know that thing when everyone bulling person and calling them, for example, "monster" and they are like, well, a lot of people call me that, i should conform (megamind basically). that's something similar, everyone call jimmy a toy (which he's not) and he's starting to doubt if he's a human. everything joel did to him (or its all hallucinations or joel really can control it and make jimmy toy for some time) just making worth. jimmy wasn't a toy, was he? (in my headcanons sheriff jimmy it's cod jimmy that decided to try again but absolute opposite of what he was.)
and because of green also making hallucinations for him (i hope you knows green something like origin, you can find it something in romeos blog, i wrote about it a little), jimmy is really can't really say if he's not a toy. he doesn't want to belive it and we can see it in dialogues with scar, that jimmy refusing to be a toy, an action figure, everything besides who he really is.
i can imagine him, avoiding mirrors and reflective surfaces, so he won't see himself. i'm really inspired to write it all bc of cavetown dysphoric, it's so jimmy for me
it's been over a year now
i thought it was the end
but now i don't remember comfort
because what i am is what i'm not
i don't belong here, it's just hopeless
find me a way out
if you love me at all
don't let me hear what they say
cuz i can't stand it every day
i'm thinking that i should leave now
but i don't i think i'm coming back this time
it's killing my heart.
and scar was the only one who doesn't call jimmy a toy like 90% of their time together. jimmy knows that scar will leave, like his rancher left him, like emp1 scott left him alone with problem with cod father head and yeah yeah yeah....
i don't know, i just woke up and my brain wad like good morning, honey, it's time to make people suffer
- 🔥
angst?? for me??? 🥺🥺👉👈
HKDHKHLADH SCrEAMING,, putting thoughts under the cut cus i already know its gonna get Long but hkhlkfdhjk
OuGH i love this 😭😭😭 although the megamind comparison kinda sent me lmao
side note i am. into very disturbing and messed up themes so you'd have to try very, very hard to upset me. so go wild in my ask box lol (i do have a good chunk of ppl who just have 'minor' in their bios following me tho so i might not respond to smth if i feel like it's 'too far' or hide it under a cut but yeah)
^realising this sounds like a "i am very badass" thing but i swear i just think stuff is cool 😭😭😭
BUT ANYWAY ouhfhkl mind break and objectification my beloved. i love taking the toy bit in an angsty direction cus i'll be honest i never really found the humour in it but it's TASTY recontextualized.
Jimmy's got a lot of fight in him but I'm just thinking maybe one day it all becomes a bit too much and he just.. goes limp in his seat, eyes glazed over, motionless except for his chest rising and falling with each breath. Someone (maybe Scar, since we're doing Scaridarity) finds him and is like "Hey, what's wrong? You okay?" and gets no response.
Scar would probably be somewhat uninitiated on the whole toy thing and be puzzled but I'd think he scoops Jimmy up and takes him somewhere safe til he recovers. and when he finally gets up he has a bit of a panic attack about what is real.
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taurus-spacecraft · 9 months ago
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i saw you reblogged something about learning random facts and in the tags you mentioned andy warhol? could you please tell me a few things about him? :0 i'm studying him for my art GCSEs lol
YESS
(just note that i dont know all cool facts ab him just the general image for now)
WELL OKAY he was born 1928 and his parents were Austria-Hungary immigrats, hes mum was byzantine catholic and so was he for all his life he went to church almost every Sunday AND HE MEET JOHN PAUL II AND GAVE AUTOGRAPHS TO NUNS WHO WERE THERE
He started as a commercial illustrator theres a video showing technics he used for that , in the late 50s he started painting because he wanted his works to be shown in galleries and he did hes Campbell soup paintings, exhibited them in 1962 and that pretty much made him more known:DThe same year he bought a house and on the 5th floor created the factory decorated all in sliver paint and tin foil. It was relocated a few times but this one is the most famous. I belive most of his polaroids of celebrities were taken there but might be wrong lol. He was super obsessed with celebrities and fame which started when he was a kid and had to stay home for weeks after falling sick with sydenham chorea(it also made his skin and hair lose pigment for the rest of his life) and was collecting photos of celebs and writing to them
In 1968 he was shot by a radical feminist bc she didnt star in one of his films but he made it out alive, he was less social after that and became scared of hospitals. He kept making art, im his signature silk screen printing technic but belived he havent done anything good since the attack:( Also the woman who shot him ended up in a mental hospital, got out and has wrote him letters with pears.
He died basically because of his fear of hospitals he was moving his gallbladder surgery to the point when he actually did it it was very dangerous (and the fact that he was shot beafore and almost died didnt make it easier) he died because of complications after sugery but he did wake up! and made a call, then he suffocate i think
He stored things in boxes. I mean a lot of things. In a lot of boxes. They are called time capsules and im pretty sure they opened all of them, they included toe nails, old food, papers etc really ranodm thngs but his assignment whe help him to make the boxes said he knew exactly where he wanted to put what. So not random after all.
He was also openly gay beafore the gay liberation(he once submitted a series of man nudes to an exhibition but they rejected them and wanted to make a book, named cockbook. No comment needed on that), lived with his mom until he was 42, she moved in with him in NYC when he bought the house i mentioned earlier amd they had 20 cats all named Sam very important information. And he wore wigs, made in italy i think bc we went bald too quickly, he didnt style tehm and once a girl took his wig of and he wrote in his diary that we wanted to push her of balcony for that, i was surprised i was sure it was real hair lol
I CANT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY NOW I HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY MONOLOGUE
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heulwenflower · 7 months ago
Text
Laugh
Tw:details of abuse and sa,abuse an d sa in general,csa(not detailed),self destructive behaviour,toxic relationships(both platonic and sexual),victim blaming behaviour
!!please read poets note!!:
I don't use flowery language in this one.it doesn't go into deep detail but it does call the acts by its name.its a rant poem I wrote while triggered about a coping mechanisms and my anger.i felt so ashamed for so long that my truama response is anger and humour.im sharing because I'm not the only one and if it makes pepole feel less alone.please skip this poem If you even have a thought it might be triggering
Laugh
Laugh
Laugh
Laugh while they degrade you
Laugh while they put you down
Laugh when they manipulate you
Laugh because you can't communicate anymore
Laugh then cry when you go home
Laugh when you realise you were a glorified side chick
And offal is being treated better than you
Laugh when he grinds on you
Laugh when you get transported to months prior
Laugh while pepole laugh at it happening
Laugh when you realise your best mate is taking photos
Laugh just to get through it until your angel appears
Laugh when days later everyone sees it as a joke
Laugh when you realise everyone there knew what happened to you months prior
Freeze when he grinds up and grabs my boobs
"Maybe don't do that"
Freeze bewildered as your mates do nothing
Realise your clown make up has been broken
No longer the jester
Now worth just as much as the keeper said i was
Why the fuck didn't I Laugh that time
Cry when realising how far dad went
Puke when trying to explain
Laugh when explaining it to your boyfriends best mate
"Its fine"
Because its always got to be fine
Huh there's the laughter
Freeze when you get told its not your fault for the first time
Fuck up your life when you realise no one really cared
Get pissed to be a good boyfriend on his 21st and fuck that up too
Get angry when they act clueless
Cry when they protect those who hurt you
Freeze when you realise you getting exiled like your abuser
Feel the anger when you realise the punishment doesn't match the crime
Plot screaming at them all
Stop
Time stopped
When I realised
How
Many
Pepole
I've
Referenced
In
This
Poem
Self compassion
I acted like a dick
But truama isn't meant to be collected
And I speed ran that collection
When dreaming of 6ft under
You dont realise what's going on 6ft above
You still think 6ft above is where you left it
It's not
It's no excuse etheir
But I can't think what they want me to belive as to why I acted that way
So fuck laughing
I refuse to be your jester toy anymore
And don't you dare find a replacement
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