#because it is super nice outside
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We have such a nice porch/back yard here... nights like this I want some outdoor furniture /chairs/a fire pit so I can just draw outside as freely/easily as I want so, so badly.
#shut up pu#random musing#because it is super nice outside#and I love fall/winter most of all#especially late fall when it's cold#and snowy snowy winter#fire pits aren't that expensive...#great outdoors rat...#'we have such a nice back yard' which I guess is to say we have one at all#and it's fenced and not shared#I like being outside and I already do most of my work on the ipad these days#it seems foolish to not get the stuff i'd need to sit outside comfortably#it snows a lot here too so the thought of getting to sit out while it snows is just hhh#i haven't gotten to do that since leaving my childhood home
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"C'mon, Luigi! Pump those legs!"
"I'm trying, I'm trying. I got bad knees!"
#mario movie#mario movie spoilers#super mario bros#mario and luigi#super mario bros movie spoilers#cherrysip edits#I LOVE THIS WHOLE SEQUENCE SO MUCH#other than just being a fun nod to 2D platforming it's just such an amazing way of showcasing mario's character so vividly#he is driven and athletic and impulsive and rushes into things and won't be told no#he moves full-steam ahead and makes it all up as he goes along#but!!! the one thing he IS always very mindful of is his brother and what he needs to keep up safely#even if there's some joking and complaining along the way they trust each other implicitly and will follow each other anywhere#even just the fact that mario opens the door at the end when he's on the outside and the gate obviously isn't locked and it's not necessary#it's just a nice little thing he does for luigi because they're brothers and he loves him ;_;#on a very different note: luigi straight up KO's a guy in the fourth gif lololol#and then promptly gets stuck in wet cement in the next one ;; poor bb he's just apologizing the whole way#i love themmmm
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I don’t think we talk enough about how being love bombed can like really fuck you up??? Like yeah is it easy to identify from an outside perspective? Absolutely. But being in it and having someone devote that much time and attention to you (even if it is manipulative in nature) to then having it end abruptly when they’ve gotten what they wanted out of you… 🫠
#mine#text post#it’s so devious and sinister the way people can just do this to people#and every time I come out of it#I just feel so stupid and like of course that’s what was happening#why wouldn’t that be what was happening???#and not only does it feel super shitty to feel like you were being used#and also that like everything they said was just a ploy to get something from you#but like the withdrawal of attention is my least favorite part#because it feels nice to be pursued and flirted with and called pretty#and to have someone ask about your day#etc etc#but then when it disappears#you just feel awful#at least I do#and don’t even get me started on how it becomes so hard to believe people after that#to believe anything anyone says#to see yourself as desirable outside of manipulation and being used#just shitty shitty shitty#ruminating on things I shouldn’t#but was thinking about this tonight#having fallen prey to it so many times#sorry for the rant#I’m done now
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Sweater weather shenanigans
Plus the lines, before I throw colours on it like an excitable squirrel:
#yes i am aware that squirrels are colour blind#anyhow#sometimes i draw things#tissaia de vries#yennefer of vengerberg#it's been *cold* lately and i hate going outside so much#ill think of my blorbos being warm and cozy and comfy thank you#every lesbian's dream: to have an older girlfriend whose lap you can use as a pillow plus she will make you hot drinks if you ask nicely#yes tissaia in frumpy comfy cardigans. she has a collection of tartan blankets too. she's very Grandpa fight me#yennefer in one of those super large but comfy looking turtle neck cream colour sweaters and grey sweatpants#she wears the sweatpants as an experiment because everyone her age seems to go crazy over their partner wearing it so whats about tissaia#(tissaia doesn't give a shit about sweatpants. doesn't own them. doesn't need them. doesn't find them aesthetically pleasing)#(i've used the word comfy way too many times in these tags and i don't regret it one bit)#also i have that seal plush. just smaller
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i dont mean this to spark a night vs crow debate but doesnt the ultimate guide state that nightcloud's "bitterness toward Crowfeather tainted Breezepelt with its poison" (directly quoting this). i agree that we shouldnt take crow's word on this bc hes a biased source, but the ultimate guide doesnt have a character pov. what are your thoughts on this? idk if its a retcon since its been forever since ive read the mainline. i like the idea that the two fucked up in their own ways.
Generally inaccurate and sometimes containing information that outright contradicts canon, Field Guides should considered very low in a canon hierarchy.
The same field guide completely fails to mention that Crowfeather wasn't only neglectful to Breezepelt, but actively emotionally abusive to him, and doesn't even MENTION that he suddenly blamed everything on Nightcloud.
So I DO feel justified in saying that the field guides probably did contribute in some way to how absolutely obtuse WC fans can be towards the text.
It just Makes. Shit. Up. These authors have had SHAMEFUL levels of misogynistic bias for YEARS and it's never more apparent than when they're writing bullshit summaries like "Ashfur was soo nice and sweet and only loved too much :(" and "Clear Sky was simply being fierce when he was shoving his son's face in a sloppy wound" and then turning around and saying "actually it was the nearest woman's fault"
I pull from earlier field guides as inspiration, but exclusively treat the "summary" ones as insight to what is bouncing around in the brightly colored Moonjump Castle that is the author's minds.
Like the idea that they're "both fucked up" or not, it doesn't change the fact that what the Erins put on the page was an abusive father who tries to deflect blame to his WIFE for making a bratty son, and then took the abuser's side in supporting material for years.
#Even wrote a super edition for their sad sad boy where FOUR women and a leader have to hold his hand and say Be Nice To Your Child#Meanwhile if you commit the high crime of Lying to Husband they might send you to actual Hell.#With a bunch of murderers#No more being nice about this honestly I am going to grind all slander against Nightcloud to paste#Even though Night does get some flaws as a person in BB because she deserves them#She deserves to have a life and struggles of her own outside of being a wife and mom
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my mom is gonna own her very own house for the first time in her life within the next week. so crazy to think about
#it actually has enough bedroom for us to all have our own#i'll get to choose the color of my walls for the first time!!#and hang up art on the walls and make it really really my own#it's so odd to think about these days#because i've been a lot more removed from home and my family this semester#i never even looked at the house listing until last night#i think i'm distancing myself from it for some reason#not sure why but#i'm still excited#it's not super nice looking on the outside#and not really the best location either#but it'll be ours for the first time since over ten years ago#we are so lucky!!!#we spent so so long looking at houses and it's so difficult to find something affordable and close and big enough for our family#so this one was definitely a compromise#not very close to much and not super nice looking#but it fits us and it'll be ours!#so yeah. we are so lucky#. >> mari says shit !
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can i be honest. the way you guys reacted to traveler being mad at lyney and lynette for not telling them they were fatui is kinda silly
#like first yes we ARE friends with actual fatui harbingers. or ex fatui harbingers#but. they LITERALLY tried to kill us?? and caused problems in our life on purpose and that we had to solve??? like. we're only friends NOW#they are BOTH BOSS FIGHTS#WE WERE ENEMIES#and especially with childe there was some real broken trust in there back in liyue#like how. how can you be surprised that the traveler might have some qualms about associating w fatui again#no matter how nice they seem#YOU know lyney and lynette arent evil. because ur the audience and you have all the information + an outsiders perspective#the traveler is a character. they dont know what lyney and lynette are really like. they were quick to trust and defend them but#theres a limit yknow?#traveler switched up the attitude out of nowhere but thats just because genshin writing sucks i thought that had already been established#AND BESIDES#DID YOU EVEN DO LYNEYS STORY QUEST#LIKE#THAT TAKES PLACE AFTER THE ARCHON QUEST. NO?#AND THE TRAVELER WAS LITERALLY SUPER OKAY WITH BOTH TWINS#LIKE THEY DID NOT HOLD A GRUDGE WHAT ARE YOU GUYS EVEN TALKING ABOUT DID I MISS SOMETHING#HELLO ????#anyway. yeah#complaining tag
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I've always wanted to wake up from a dream laughing and I just did but I realized after I woke up that I have missed a million social cues :((((((((((((((((( it wasn't even funny idk why I couldn't stop giggling. I dont even giggle irl.
#this also may have been a separate dream#i was in this big aquarium swimming and walking around. it was like. you could swim in a lot of the exhibit and interact with the animals#i had some sort of mission and i also found a baby seal who i picked up and was carrying around as i wandered around#eventually i ended up in this little nook that had one of the adult seals/walrusess? so i let the baby go but the adult was not into it and#i heard someone day something like “aw he still has hope”#theres this kid that works at the aquarium and i tell him to come with me for some reason. its around this time i realize this is some movie#the kids boss is like “next time you leave your post you gotta dive out”#and im worried a bit allready sbout him leavin his post with the adult walrus up there.#then suddenly the glass starts breaking everywhere. like one crack then the whole aquarium starts falling apart#and the kid seems a bit worried.#as were all evacuating i decide that its my fault. because the walrus must have been ramming the glass while the kid wasnt watching.#i remember thinking about how this was a movie or something and feeling really dumv#then yhe dream was over snd there was s recap??? in like drawing form and it showed the main character (me) putting a bomb in the center of#the aquarium in some sort of well or something. so. i guess it really was completely my fault in a different way than i thought#then later im at some sort of party or something and then i leave the party for another party or something? and i feel really bad sn#and socially innept the entire time. the person who i think i reconize we start talking and theyre like the first person whos nice to me#and were talking about following eachother on Instagram? or somth#while their scrolling i see a video eith one of my old friends and shes on the news? the headline is like “me and cathy snd the murder#victim...“ or something. and im like ”hey thats my friend“ and the person just shuts their phone off.#any ways so this person lets me hitch a ride with them back to the original party. they get out of the uber super early but its the right#house and the tell the driver that hes lost and the DRIVER gets out. so im like oh i guess this is their car??#and so they drive up to the drive way and three more people start getting in the car and theyre like putting stuff in the trunk#and talking about where to sit and i just start giggling.#and im still trying to participate like i offer to sit in the middle. theres already someone sitting at the front but he gets out and#everytime someone says anything i start giggling??? and like its sunny and everyone is very attractive in a way that o just found so funny#and then eventually two of then run over to this like panel dash board yhing that on a wall outside and like messing with it opening the#glove box and stuff and i just wake up#and immediately upon waking. well first i was like “teehee. i woke up from giggling” then i thought about it and i was like “oh. i was#take the front seat :(#dream log
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🐹
This hamster is you.
i will be taking up this role solemnly. thank you for the honour.
#THIS ASK MADE ME LAUGH#ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS THIS 🫵 EMOJI#thank you for this goldfish youre always so nice#although fun fact related to me being a hamster#my parents routinely have to tell me to stop putting such large portions of food in my mouth#because my mouth is super small from the outside but the minute food goes in its like it disappears completely#regardless of whether i swallowed it or not#so yes i absolutely am a hamster
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@beatingheart-bride
"It's an old Pratt family recipe," Josephine explained, saying, "My family used to make it for farmer's markets when I was younger, we used to sell it by the bagful; it was always very popular, so we oftentimes sold out very quickly. It's been a long time since I made it, so it felt good to get back in the kitchen and make a batch-especially with two great little helpers."
"We helped!" Lon declared proudly through a mouthful of popcorn, and even Erika smiled a little and nodded-it had actually been really fun, helping Grandma Josephine out. It was a lot like being in the kitchen with Grandma June, and that helped Erika feel a little more at ease about pitching in.
And watching her favorite movie also helped her feel a little more comfortable being around these new family members, admittedly, able to forget about her anxieties in favor of colorful animation and wonderful music, with the hot, sweet kettle corn being an additional bonus. Laying on her stomach watching the movie, Erika felt more content than she had the day before, and smiled as she relaxed. Maybe this visit wouldn't be so bad after all!
Meanwhile, Lon, sitting up beside his sister, was still trying to figure out what this "burlesque" was that his family kept talking about-it involved dancing, performing, but the specifics he couldn't quite figure out. When Esmeralda began her dance at the Feast of Fools, Lon turned back to ask his great-grandmother curiously, "Is that burlesque?"
"Ah, not quite," Josephine chuckled amusedly, though she could see some similarities there, between herself and La Esmeralda: Performing flirtatious, provocative dances for an appreciative audience (with some disapproving figures in the crowd as well), being looked down on because of it, but still remaining kind despite all that? Yes, that all sounded rather familiar to her...
#((bobbie-lynn is super warm and sweet! she seems very chill; very welcoming! i knew she was doomed))#((but i was still saddened to see her get eaten by theda the gator! she was just really sweet; i liked her!))#((all she did was try to help who she thought was an old woman in need! 'no good deed goes unpunished' indeed!))#((and rj's comment about lorraine...i remember chelsea saying on the 'dead meat' podcast that her choice to join in the film))#((really forced him not only to see that women have their own desires outside of what men want))#((and that lorraine's desires might not align with his own; as well as the fact that he *is* at the end of the day))#((making an adult film for a paycheck; and not the elevated 'true cinema' vision he talks a big game about!))#((he's making that distinction between *his* girlfriend and the actresses; and when she wants to take part in it))#((it forces him to open his eyes; and it all just kinda hits him at once; and sorta overwhelms him))#((because he didn't see *his* girlfriend doing adult films like he does the other girls; it's this unspoken double standard))#((that he's forced to confront! that you can be a 'nice girl' and still have your own desires; to control your life))#((and do what you want! which to bring it back around; feels appropriate to josephine!))#((she's very nice! she's a good-natured woman who rushed to check on august when he fell out of his chair))#((and is very family-oriented; and her having done burlesque doesn't detract from that))#((anymore than it does from the girls in 'x'!))#outofhatboxes#beatingheart-bride#V:Two Worlds; One Family
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All of these "who has more anything gender!" polls are just. white man without extreme body builder muscles v white man without extreme body builder muscles. The gender is "masculine" stop pretending it's universal
#even worse is when it's 'tradionally feminine' v 'traditionally masculine (without super ripped muscles' and the notes are all#she's the opposite of gender he's THE only gender ever.#'gender' isn't even androgynous anymore it's just some guy#vent post#idk I'm just kind of 😬 about people not seeing binary girl or even predominantly feminine as 'gender' whatever the fuck that means#you like androgyny when it's on twinks but don't think the butch lesbian that only calls herself a woman is 'gender' huh#and something about genderfluid characters only ever being accepted when they're in their 'not cis' presentation (cough ze l da)#like..i consider myself genderfluid and sometimes have guy-adjacent euphoria days#(still think about everyone who he/hims me when I cosplay Link ❤️)#but... I get just as much when I'm wearing what's 'expected' of me like skirts and dresses and makeup and am seen as a girl#because a lot of times growing up i wasn't really included in the girl stuff but was still too girl for the boy things :/#and I feel like. everything focuses on the andro of androgynous that they forget androgynous doesn't mean vaguely fem guy#it's like. shiek is winning the gender poll. but zelda wouldn't. even though they're the same person and one doesn't exist without the other#nonbinary but the binary isn't girl-boy it's trans-cis#nice dichotomy idiot#what lies outside of it
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had a very intense semi lucid dream last night where i was the daughter/acolyte of an insane cult leader/my dad who performed non consenual surgery on me and molested and raped me. it inspired me to start writing a lil sci fi novella but also to clean out my closet and find my vibrator cuz i was desperate for it after waking up lmfao
#he had like. grown me & a few other and inserted more and more mechanical parts into us through our lives#so we were mostly machine inside. but human-looking outside#and i tried to run away and got the shit kicked out of me by my sister/fellow cult member#she patched me up most of the way but for the complicated stuff dad had to help#one of my arms had been broken so he just cut the whole thing open to fuck with the wires and stuff. it felt so awful guhhhhh#and after that he started trying to finger me and asking questions about wether id slept with anyone while i had been away#and told me he knew id been touching myself and that made me disgusting and corrupt and that was why id tried to leave. and he had to fix#my mind too.#there was blood on his fingers when he pulled them out of me and he got so so pissed#i was crying and trying to explain i was on my period but he said that was a lie and id been trying to hide more injuries from him so he#couldnt finish fixing me#and he spent a solid twenty minutes beating me for it while groping me & continuing to finger me#he had a metal arm n that was the one he was using too so i kept getting cut and bleeding more and hed yell and hit me more and he just#wouldnt stop 😵💫😵💫#i was tied down by my wrists laying on my tummy but he forced me to roll over so he could punch my stomach a lot too ;-;#toward the end he got on top of me and started grinding against me#talking to me nice again and saying i was his girl and he just wanted to make me better and i only had to cooperate#i was sobbing and panicking still but he was just petting me#he tried to push his cock in me but he like. couldnt fit.#he could only get a couple inches in and he stayed sweet for a little longer but then he started getting frustrated#yelling at me to stop fighting him and slapping my face#and i was trying so so hard to relax and let him in so it could be over but i was just too small#he gave up after awhile and finished cleaning me up without saying anything then left me alone down there. still tied down and crying.#that was only one part of the dream there was a whole plotline where i had made contact with 2 people (a brother and sister) on the outside#who were trying to save me. and i was trying to talk my sister into leaving with me because i was so terrified of losing her#eventually i did get out and ended up living with the brother and sister and it was super cute and sweet#parts of the dream were from her pov too. she made us all matching hats :]
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I don't talk about this stuff on here pretty much at all, but a past relationship really broke a ton of bits and pieces of my brain and heart in weird ways (I'm finally thinking about him almost never but the shit he pulled was abusive as hell and still affects me sometimes). Being in love with my current girlfriends for a while felt almost. Painful? Almost like I should be ashamed I can fall so deeply in love with people, and especially how quickly that can happen sometimes too. Thats how it kind of felt. I tend to get overwhelmed with emotions if I'm feeling them very strongly, and that has been extremely embarrassing and also felt almost like I was being a burden to those I love (which love is the main emotion that can 'get dialed up to 11' for me). It IS debilitating in some ways!!! It hasn't gotten bad enough I've been nonverbal in a really really long time but that happened this past week and it was wild to me.
Things are getting better now though! Therapy in the past has helped, and honestly having such patient and understanding partners has made a world of difference ;w;. my wife is someone who was one of my best friends and I had a huge crush on and now I can ask for cuddles and we can nap together and I've fallen so much in love. Her and her presence are literally heaven for me, I don't know if anything has ever made me happier than just laying next to her and feeling her warmth.
Worries of course flare up and I feel like I need to lean on her a lot during those moments, but I don't feel like too much of a burden to her. I love seeing the posts that say stuff like 'Its okay to be a burden' or 'its okay to be annoying' because really truly I think I need to be those things to survive sometimes. I can be 'a lot' and I can be a little bit obsessive and those things aren't inherently bad or evil of me. I just make sure I'm feeling okay during and after and make sure I'm checking in on myself often. I'm a bit of a broken girl, but that doesn't mean I'm not extremely happy and living a life I love. I've written poems and everything about how it feels like it must hurt to love me and my broken jagged edges, but hey, even if it does a little bit, it doesn't mean someone like my girlfriend/wife won't go through a little bit of burden to love me, and I'm more than happy to return all of this and more for her as well if she's ever in need or feels broken ;^;
#Not to be too gay but I wanna build my life with my princess more and more#She's. So good to me and she's so pretty and she's so beautiful and attentive and she listens to me in ways I feel no one else has#She understands me so well!! And I hopefully make her feel the same#But yeah I've been a burden a lot to people due to autism (which I didn't know I had for fucking ages) adhd and physical disabilites#And she feels like she isn't taking care of me which is good because I'd honestly hate that#But she understands me and makes me a better person and that's exactly what I've wanted for forever.#And being demi/aspec is awesome with her since she's aspec too and there's no pressure for sex or sexy times but if we both want it#It can still be super fun!! We gotta figure more of that stuff out if we want but knowing each others kinks (and sharing a good bit) rocks#Idk its so so so so easy to love my wife Maxie#She's so dear to me and we've only been dating for 4 months but they've been 4 months I've felt the most alive and seen#Its so easy to be cringe but free with her too idk#She makes me better and I hope I do the same for her. I don't want either of us to stagnate yknow?#But anyways yeah this is just a big journal entry of some kind I might do these every once and a while#Not to like. Brag??? I guess. Or show my mental illness so much. Its just kind of nice if friends know where I'm at in my life I guess#And idk having outside input on thoughts can be good. If any friends see this and go 'Hey Runa this is real weird maybe tone it down'#I can look at that stuff a bit more#Gonna tag this in a way I can find it and others in the future too#Runa diary logs#But yeah you're not hearing this from me but I wanna be with Maxine for the foreseeable future more than anything.#Gotta get my degree and a good job too and she's ofc not the only person in my life (I have Sara who is so very dear to me too ;w;)#Nor is she the only 'goal' I have either. I wanna make games I wanna make art. I wanna make something that other trans people#And queer people and just minorities in general can look at or play or experience and just go. Life is worth living#I love my life right now and I'm so glad I've made it to my late 20's.#Its only uphill from here :3#Wanna add on when I say she's not the only person in my life I mean that I have so many friends and people I love who love me too :3#♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
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my one (1) friend invited me to her sister’s place for games night a couple weeks back so (in a move that was very true to myself and very transparent to her) i said sure knowing it would be super easy to back out but then she responded by asking me to pick her up (scuppering my exit strategy) and she just let me know that she cornered me into driving specifically so i couldn’t bail because she knew i’d have fun if i went 🥺
#we’ve been friends since school despite me being ultra prone to dropping off the face of the planet for sometimes years at a time#she’s looped into all the food stuff + she’s not afraid to ask questions#not in a blunt way more in that i’ve let her know that she’s cool to ask whatever she wants to know because a) i’m not easily triggered#or whatever and b) i’m super aware that it’s interesting in a morbid curiosity way#i’m always fine to talk about it if anyone has respectful questions because#because i understand the curiosity but also because it can be helpful in terms of identifying it in other people and widening the typical#view of what an eating disorder is and/or looks like y’know?#same reason i was always cool with med students sitting in on any of my appointments or whatever#like good for them to see someone who’s at an ‘’average’’ weight be treated#and also someone whose body looks kind of outside the norm having been as big as i was#anyways. this was so super sweet of her to do and it was so nice to be outside of my own head for a bit#and also nice to just hang out and have a fun time#personal
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Being overstimulated is not really fun or funny in any way, but my situation tonight was honestly a little funny looking back on it now that I've calmed down. I was celebrating Pride in a city tonight and was in a bar/club with friends, absolutely overstimulated and disassociating. At one point I was sitting at a bar table alone, had earplugs in, playing word search on my phone, was surrounded by glowsticks and had three on each wrist, the club's DJ was blasting Aqua's "Barbie Girl" while all of the giant screens in the bar randomly displayed different pictures of Tiger Woods. A not fun but a little fun night
#this was the first time I felt that overstimulated and disassociated because of it and wow oh wow was that scary and it fucking sucked#I'm pretty sure it's just because I've had a long day of driving and being outside in the heat and then being in a crowd of people#(especially eccentric people but not in a bad way) mixed with the really off feeling of not belonging and major anxiety just pushed me-#off the edge and it just really really fucking sucked I've never felt that bad before but my friend was trying to comfort as best as she-#could and she's the one who gave me earplugs which was super nice but it was so hard trying to talk to my friends while disassociating#anyways don't be like me - celebrate Pride safely and comfortably! I could have gone home at any point but I just didn't feel like moving#personal
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Is this true Texan
....
Yeah pretty much
#i am obviously super smart in all things texas <-cant tell you if the red is on top or white is for the texas flag#apparently it feels nice outside today#its only 78...#i wouldnt know i havent left the house#because why would i#(i honestly loved this ask it made me laugh :3 ty for sending it friend)
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