#because it feels like screaming into the void

[noblest-roman-of-them-all]

This is my favorite one, because yeah, he probably would fucking say that, but how? Under what circumstances? What will it take for him to conceivably fucking say that? The situation most certainly exists, the question is, can I as a writer first discover this circumstance, then secondly can I write it in convincingly enough for the nay-sayers who are admittedly a bit boring and narrow-minded and forget that dynamic characters should, indeed, be dynamic and sometimes behave out of character, much like real human people behave out of character under certain circumstances?

The answer to would he fucking say that is almost always yes.

The answer to can I write him fucking saying that? Is a much trickier thing.

would he fucking say that? let's investigate.

[qoldenskies]

How do you think cc Donnie would take the Technodrome? Any aftereffects you think he'd have?

i would NEVER do anything to cc!donnie like the horrors i put cvd!donnie through (because ive still danced around in the story it but its BAD bad) ,,, and my reason is just "i think he's been through enough" but depending on your interpretation of how you want the movie to go i think there's still plenty of horrors there. i could see him being in the console being extremely triggering because of his claustrophobia, at the very least!

[lu-is-not-ok]

Could you elaborate why you think Big and Might/Will be Bad Wolf is more fitting for Hong Lu than Heath? Cus it's story of being forced to only be the villain because of *what* it is is pretty much exactly Heathcliff's experience with WH mistreating him because of his Backstreet origin and his subsequent lashing out thats attriubted solely to his 'nature' (not to mention his canonical wolf Distortion, and being called the Wolf in the Wildhunt world, and dogs/wolves being a strong association to him in his source), so I'm very curious.

Heathcliff screams dogs/wolves to me more than any one else by a longshot, for the above reasons.

I am so glad you asked, because this is something I've been wanting an excuse to yap about ever since I posted that art!

Big and Will be Bad Wolf is an Abnormality which, while straightforward on the surface, has a lot of interesting nuanced subtleties to it that are the main reason why I assign it the way I do.

The gist of the Abnormality is that it's an initially cute and even kind wolf who is "destined" to become the Big Bad Wolf, becoming the villain of another story, simply because of the way it was born. It was fated to be hungry, unable to fill its stomach enough to feel sated. Fated to be alone, to be hurt as the one who becomes an example and gets punished.

If we were to stop here, then sure, Heathcliff could reasonably fit the themes here. He's forced into being a villain purely because of his birth, forced into a destiny that makes him unfulfilled, dehumanized, and unfairly punished.

However, it's when you get to the subtleties that Heathcliff begins to clash severely with what Big and Will be Bad Wolf is actually about.

First of all, and most notable when you look at the Wolf's flavor text in Ruina, is its complete resignation and acceptance of its role. The Wolf doesn't fight against its destiny, it doesn't try to change, but rather the opposite. It's fully resigned to the fact it will be hurt, be called by no name, and have to hurt others, to the point where it slowly stops caring about anything other than its own hunger.

This is, if you know anything about our Heathcliff, in complete contrast to everything his character stands for. Heathcliff's entire character arc is about him rejecting that very role being forced upon him. He has the resolve to prove that he's just as human and just as worthy of respect as everyone else. And he refuses to stop fighting for that right to be recognised as a person at all cost.

The second nuance I'd like to bring up is one that already has been mentioned here and there, that being the overwhelming hunger the Wolf feels which is what causes it to lash out. Just like the previous theme, it's primarily seen in Ruina, though in this case more so in the Floor Realization for the Floor of Language and how it relates to Roland. The Wolf, similarly to Roland, has a void within it that it cannot fill no matter how much meat it eats, how much violence it commits.

Again, despite all the memes the fandom might make about Heathcliff Black Silence, he's really nothing like Roland in this department at all. In a way, Heathcliff is almost too full, his being so focused on Catherine he has barely any space to be concerned with anything else. Even after her death, he refuses to give up on her, despite how impossible his chances at getting her back may be. There is no void to fill with meaningless violence, but rather a direct purpose to strive towards.

So, that's what I have on why Heathcliff, despite how he may seem fitting for it on the surface, is actually deeply opposed to everything Big and Will be Bad Wolf stands for on a thematic level.

Here's where the fun part begins though. Because if not Heathcliff, then why Hong Lu, right?

See, we already know from the fact that Hong Lu has Rose Hunter E.G.O that he too has a certain role he's destined to fulfill, one that he finds undesireable but also one that he can't truly escape from.

I believe that in the case of Hong Lu, the role of the Wolf would be representing his birth status as a Jia. Think about it. Everything we've seen of the Jias show them as hostile at best and extremely violent and downright villainous at worst. If Hong Lu has any similarities in status to Baoyu, that being that he's a sort of "chosen" Heir to the Family, then that means his role as yet another perpetrator of the Jias' violent ways is all but predestined.

You can even say that Hong Lu has a notable parallel to how Big and Will be Bad Wolf presents itself, that of course being kind and cute on the surface, but repressing a deeply unfulfilled and violent side with what little resolve it may have left.

And speaking of resolve, this is where Hong Lu matches the Wolf much closely than Heathcliff. There is a constant thematic thread of hopelessness and meaninglessness in Hong Lu's character. Even if he might have run away for now, the way he speaks about meeting his Family again makes it clear he doesn't believe it will last. There's a notable resignation and acceptance of the fact that no matter what he does, he will be dragged back to his Family and stripped of the name he gave himself. Born a Jia, always a Jia, you could even say.

Unlike Heathcliff, who constantly fights back to assert his existence as a person who deserves equal respect, Hong Lu simply lies down and takes everything thrown his way. The Wolf is an inherently Slothful figure, a trait which matches Hong Lu far better than Heathcliff.

Hell, Hong Lu even shares a specific sentiment about that with the Wolf. In Ruina, one of the Wolf's possible flavor text quotes is "There’s no need to be nice to me… I’m destined to be a big bad wolf…" Doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that seem so similar to how Hong Lu expressed that he understood why his Family members wanted to kill him, and thus didn't bother to fight back?

Then, of course, we come back to hunger. And here I have to get a little bit more speculative, but not as much as you would think. See, I believe Hong Lu is much more similar to Roland in this case than Heathcliff. Everything points to the fact that Daiyu is not only dead, but left behind a void in Baoyu/Hong Lu, one that he tries to ignore but one which clearly taunts him into snapping and falling into that "meaningless wrath".

If you're wondering what exactly I mean, I go way more in depth about Hong Lu's repressed anger and how Daiyu's death appears to be what causes it to leak out in this post. However, to summarize how it ties back to Roland and the Wolf, I believe that just like for Roland, the void left behind Daiyu's death is what ends up causing Hong Lu to lash out and will eventually drive him to outright meaningless violence. An attempt to fill one's life with anything after their meaning was taken away from them. Which is exactly what the Wolf reflects through its endless hunger, unable to be satisfied no matter how much it eats and kills.

Honestly, Hong Lu is kind of a sleeper pick for Cobalt Scar with just how much he fits it. I'd almost say it's shocking that I've only seen like one other person similarly assign it to him, but it's really not. Hong Lu is one of those characters that repeatedly gets sanded down due to how he presents himself, with his more worrying and violent tendencies being ignored in favor of falling for his facade. After all, one has to first accept the fact that Hong Lu not only has a capacity for violence, but even the potential to outright enjoy it, to be able to see the reasoning for Cobalt Scar as an E.G.O for him.

[nephilimeq]

Stuck in the Middle With You

Prompt: Clingy Boyfriend

@bucktommyfluffebruary

A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62721625/chapters/160733068

Buck was annoyed.

No, scratch that—he was pissed.

It had been over seventy-two hours—and he still hadn’t seen his boyfriend. Hell, he had been forced to go back to his apartment because there was no point in going over to Tommy’s house because he wouldn't even be there for another forty-eight hours. Somehow—he had no idea how—the end of Bucks forty-eight had overlapped with the beginning of Tommy’s seventy-two, and the only thing he wanted to do was pull his hair out by the roots and scream into the void.

…But he couldn’t, so instead he was doing the next best thing: drinking with Eddie and complaining about his life.

“Dude, you’ll be fine,” his friend reassured him as he sat next to him at the bar at a quarter past eight. “it’s not like you guys haven’t gone five days without seeing each other since you two started dating…”

Buck didn’t look up at him, casting his eyes down towards his glass.

“Seriously?!”

He let out a whine as he stretched out almost flat against the bar and reluctantly admitted, “Yeah, we’ve kinda been attached at the hip—”

“Or other body parts,” Eddie muttered before taking a swig of his beer and Buck glared at him and said, “Hey! No interrupting!” and threw a rogue peanut shell at him, and then added, “I mean, we still text, call, and video chat, but…god, it’s just not the same, you know?” and then took a long drag of his own beer, thinking about the fact that Tommy would reprimand him for choosing such a generic brand instead of going for one of the nicer craft beers with a better flavor.

But he didn’t want a better flavor, he wanted to drown his sorrows and didn’t need something like flavor getting in the way of that. Besides, he wouldn’t have appreciated the taste anyway, far too focused on trying to numb the longing feeling in his chest that felt as though it was turning into a cavernous hole.

Eddie gave him a look and said, “Look, if you miss him so much, then why don’t you swing by the 217?” and Buck shot him a look.

“Because, they’re on standby for the fires and their schedule is all over the place! And-and I don’t wanna just, you know, show up like the clingiest boyfriend in the world! I’m not some, some…tween girl who’s obsessed, you know?”

“You’re not? Coulda fooled me,” his friend drawled as he turned and leaned with his back to the bar and Buck found himself glaring at him all over again, getting slightly annoyed at his friend’s attitude, and threw another peanut at him, thrilled when it hit his chin and then fell into the front pocket of his flannel, and he muttered into the crook of his folded arm, “Ha, three points,” knowing that if Tommy had been there he would have appreciated him making the basketball joke.

Eddie merely shot him an arched eyebrow.

“You’re acting like Christopher, right now, you do know that, right?” he said as he fished out the peanut and popped it into his mouth.

Buck scoffed and slowly sat up, saying, “If you’re telling me that I have the emotional maturity of a fourteen-year-old, you are way off on that mark. According to Dr. Jensen, I have the emotional maturity of a twenty-five year old.”

“Buck, you’re thirty-four.”

“Yeah, I’m still catching up. So?”

Eddie merely shook his head and took another sip from his beer while Buck cast a glance around the bar, noting that it was still a light crowd. Of course, it was the middle of the week, and eight o’clock on a Wednesday evening wasn’t exactly the hip time for people to be out drinking. God, he was pathetic.

--

“Oh, god, just call him!” Sal said, sounding thoroughly annoyed—but Tommy shook his head and said, “I can’t! He’s out with Eddie and I don’t want to bother him while he’s having a good time off shift, you know?”

“If he’s anything like you, he doesn’t know how to have a good time,” muttered Lucy from behind her cards on the other side of the table, her feet propped up on the edge. “I take that bet and raise you two skittles,” she then said, arching an eyebrow at him, and Tommy knew immediately that she was bluffing and said, “I call.”

She smirked.

“Read ‘em and weep, Kinard.”

She laid down her cards with all the confidence of someone twenty years her senior—and Tommy nodded and said, “Nice hand, Donato. Full house…which would be great if I didn’t have a straight flush,” and he laid down his hand with a smirk, and she let out a huff and dropped her legs and said, “God, I hate your poker face. You’re inscrutable.”

“It’s a gift,” he said, pulling the pile of candy towards him, popping a lemon skittle into his mouth…and found his eyes drifting towards his phone, where he had left it on the table, wondering if he should give Evan a call. He hadn’t been able to spend any time with him for two days already, and now he was stuck with another three days without him. God, he had never gone more than three days without him, and now he was going to be away from him for a total of five fucking days.

His hand twitched—and then Sal said, “For fuck’s sake, just call him!”

“Language Deluca!” shouted their captain, but he simply rolled his eyes and moved over to him, shoving his shoulder up against his.

“Look, have the two of you been apart for very long before? Anything longer than two or three days?” he asked…and Tommy reluctantly admitted, “Uh…no. We’ve never spent more than three days apart since we got back together,” and his friend let out a long sigh that lasted so long it almost seemed as though he was deflating.

He then said, “Mierda…you two are grade-a clingers, aren’t you?”

…and Tommy snorted and started to laugh and through his laughter he managed to say, “Okay, yeah, I guess we are. When we’re at home we do almost everything together,” he admitted, giving Sal a sideways glance. “I think we’re both kinda touch starved and we both need a lot of reassurance after what happened to us all those months ago. I think we’re also both a little bit afraid on some sort of subconscious level that the other person is gonna just up and leave …”

His friend turned so they were both facing the same way and said, “You two are good together. So, why don’t you text him?”

--

“…Because if I text him, then he’ll know that I can’t go more than a couple days at a time without him!” Buck explained as he stood on the other side of the pool table, moving the stick between his hands in an agitated manner. “I don’t want him to think that I’m desperate! Don’t you get that?”

Eddie glanced up at him as he lined up his shot and muttered under his breath, “I get that you’re both grade-a clingers…”

Buck shot him a look.

“You don’t get it,” he said, shaking his head and walking over to where Eddie was lining up his shot. “If I reach out first then that means I’m the clingier one! And I am not the clingier one! You’ve never seen how Tommy follows me around the apartment when he comes over…or how-how whenever I go to his place, he is constantly calling out to check in on where I am just in case so he can find me if he wants to share something with me because he thinks texting across the house is-is too…impersonal!”

At that, Eddie took his shot, missing it, and then straightened and said, “Je-sus, Buck. I’m thinking you two might be a little codependent,” and at that Buck arched an eyebrow at him as he bent over to line up his own shot and said, “Oh, big word for you. Therapy working?”

His friend shrugged.

“Eh, yeah. I guess. Still feels too much like confession to me,” he said with a pointed look, “But I think it’s working. Still—you and Tommy have a weird relationship.”

“No, we don’t,” Buck stressed, taking his own shot and sinking it without even glancing back down at the table. “We have a healthy relationship. I think the two of us are just trying to make up for lost time, you know? Those few months without him were hell for me, and for him, and now we just…I think maybe we’re just scared that one of us might come up with another reason to walk away from it and so we don’t like being away from each other for too long…”

Letting out a sigh, he went to line up his next shot…and then Eddie said, “So you’re not texting him because…?”

--

“Because if I text him, then he’ll know that I can’t go more than a few days without him,” Tommy said to Sal as they got the injured hiker into the medevac chopper. “And if he knows that, then he’ll know that I’m the clingier one, and I’m not! Do you know that Evan tries to text me across the house? I’ve told him to just let me know where he is and I can come to him, but no. He insists on being allowed to text me across the house, which is just…weird.”

From below them, the woman on the gurney lifted up a feeble hand and said, “You know, you and your husband should just sit down and talk about how to communicate when you’re feeling insecure, because that’s what I’m picking up on here,” and he quickly corrected her.

“He’s my boyfriend, not my husband.”

Sal then interjected, “But you want him to be your husband, don’t you?” and Tommy ducked his eyes and moved back to the pilot’s seat, pulling on his headset.

“I’m not talking about this with you, Sal.”

His friend shot him a look and said, “Uh, you kinda are. So just text him, already! You miss him because you love him, that’s not a bad thing,” he said as Tommy lifted the chopper into the air, heading for the hospital. “Love can make you do stupid things—like break up with someone when they ask you to move in with them,” he jabbed at him, and the airman groaned and repeated, “I am not talking with you about this! Evan and I…we can figure it out. We got back together, didn’t we?”

At that, his friend chuckled and said, “Yeah, sure, like you were the one who figured it out. Isn’t the only reason why you two got back together because Howie pulled some underhanded shit with his wife and kid in order to get you and your boy into the same room again?”

Tommy sighed.

Okay, so yeah, it had been because of Howie and Maddie that he and Evan had gotten back together…but it was because of them talking things out that they had finally decided that it was worth it.

Still, as he angled the chopper towards the direction of the hospital he thought about what Sal had been trying to say to him the entire shift—and he hated to admit it, but the man was right. He missed Evan because he was in love with him, and that wasn’t a bad thing. Hell, it was practically expected at this point in their relationship.

Tommy continued to think on it as they dropped off the injured hiker…

…and then as they landed back at the 217, he reluctantly said to Sal over the headset, “Okay, maybe you’re right.”

His friend shot him a far too smug look, and the airman was already regretting his words, especially when the other man said as they sauntered back to the main hangar, “Oh, I want that put onto a t-shirt! ‘Tommy Kinard says that Sal Deluca was right!’ This is a pretty damn good feeling! So…you’re gonna text him, right?” he prodded, and Tommy nodded and reached for his phone, feeling a small sense of relief as he saw the picture of his boyfriend smiling on his lock screen.

He smiled down at it and then swiped his phone open…where Evan was the background, and he continued to smile.

Sal playfully shoved at his shoulder with his own, saying, “Someone’s in lo-ove,” and Tommy shoved him right back, pleased when the other man stumbled.

Hesitantly, he brought up their texts and then stared at them for a moment or two, trying to get up the courage to message him first, noting that their last conversation had been about the shopping list for the cookies that Tommy had baked for the 118.

He stop midstride and stared at it…and then began to type…

--

“He’s bubbling me!” Buck said, staring at his phone in shock. He had finally caved and reached for his phone to text his boyfriend, only to see those little bubbles telling him that Tommy was texting him first.

“Yipee,” Eddie said dryly from the corner of the pool table, looking at it with a curious expression, as if expecting it to rearrange the balls for him so that he would have a better shot.

Buck ignored him and continued to stare at his screen, waiting for the message to show up—and then grinned when the words that popped up said, Hey, thinking about you. Sorry we have to spend so many days apart, babe, and he couldn’t help but feel lucky to have someone in his life who understood just how hard it was for him to be apart from the people he loved for long amounts of time, and he immediately texted back, Thinking about you, too. Miss you, along with a kissy face emoji.

Feeling reassured, he slid his phone back into his pocket and turned his attention back to the game and teased, “You gonna take your shot or what, Diaz?” and Eddie gave him a bitch-face and leaned against his pool stick and said, “Gimme a minute! Your last shot fucked me up…”

Buck rolled his eyes.

“Oh my god, you’re so dramatic! Just take the shot!”

“Well, looks like someone’s in a better mood,” his friend muttered as he bent over and took the shot, letting out another curse when the ball bounced off a bumper and went wide, setting it up perfectly for Buck’s next shot, and he grinned and set it…and in three moves he had finished the game.

Eddie pretended to be annoyed with him, but he was smiling as he said, “So, think you can manage a few more days without him?” and Buck shrugged and said, “I guess so, yeah. I just…I sleep better with him next to me, you know?” and his friend tilted his head and remarked, “Yeah, I guess I can understand that. I remember it was hard for a while after I was deployed to sleep without Shannon next to me, so I get it,” and patted his shoulder.

Buck nodded and turned back to the pool table.

“Wanna go again?”

Eddie smirked.

“Bring it on, lover boy.”

Buck scoffed and said, “Oh, c’mon, I’m not that whipped, am I?” and Eddie lifted an eyebrow and said, “Yeah, you kinda are, but that’s okay. By the way,” he said as he moved around to the other side of the table, “Are you even living at your apartment anymore? Why don’t you just move into his place?” and his heart skipped a beat.

Yeah, okay, he’d thought about it, but it was too soon, and he knew it—he had jumped the gun last time, he wasn’t going to do that again.

“Uh, I still have my lease,” he finally replied, avoiding eye contact, focusing on re-racking the balls for their next game. He didn’t have to look up to know that his friend was giving him a side eye…but Eddie said nothing, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

Just three more days.

--

It was three days of torture and the shift from hell, and Tommy couldn’t quite believe that he had managed to survive. Letting out a sigh of relief, he dropped his bag as soon as he stepped inside his front door and kicked his shoes off and tossed his jacket to the side, uncaring of where anything landed…

…and then the next thing he knew, he had his arms full of his boyfriend, who immediately buried his head in his neck.

“God, I missed you,” Evan said, his voice slightly muffled from where it was pressed into his collarbone, and the airman chuckled and wrapped his arms tightly around him and said softly, “I missed you, too, babe,” and pressed a kiss to his damp curls, which told him that Evan had just gotten out of the shower. He took a deep breath, smelling his own soap on his skin, a blend of cedarwood and spearmint, and then nuzzled his nose into his hair, letting out a sigh.

Evan practically melted into him, and the feeling of his body pressed up against his was the best thing he had felt in a long time, having been spending far too much time dealing with Lucy and Sal on either side of him, their presence welcome, but not the same as the man he loved.

“As much as I love this, babe, can we move to the couch? I am beat,” Tommy muttered, and his boyfriend nodded.

Not quite letting go of each other, they made their way to the living room and then promptly crashed onto the couch, Buck laying out flat with Tommy on top of him—

—and god was that nice.

With all of his previous ‘relationships’ he had always been the big spoon because of his height and broad build…but with Evan he was able to relax into another broad chest without having to worry that he was going to crush him.

They lay there for a long while, not saying a single thing, Evan’s fingers carding through his hair, the sensation soft and lulling him into an almost sleep…but then through the haze of exhaustion, he heard him ask, “Am I…am I too clingy for you?” and Tommy snorted and said, “Nope, not at all. Actually, Sal and I talked today, and he says that I’m the clingy one of the two of us,” and he felt a chuckle run through his boyfriend’s chest as he said, “Funny enough, Eddie said the same thing about me…”

He grinned and rubbed his hand over Evan’s side, enjoying every single second of being able to touch him, and softly added, “Well, it seems to be working for us, so I say we keep on doing it.”

Buck chuckled a second time.

“I like that idea.”

He then tucked a finger under the airman’s chin and lifted his head just enough to press a kiss to his lips and Tommy moaned into the kiss and then said as they both pulled back from it, “I’ve never been happier to have a clingy boyfriend,” and Evan gave him a look.

“Damn straight.”

“Damn…gay, actually,” he teased, and was thrilled when his boyfriend groaned and rolled his eyes and said, “Oh, god, I forgot how bad your jokes are.”

“Excuse you, but I am hilarious,” Tommy retorted, lifting himself up slightly to rest his hands on Evan’s chest and prop his chin on top of his clasped hands. “You just don’t appreciate my brand of humor, Evan.”

They shared a look, both of them trying to stare down the other—and then they both broke into giggles, both of them sounding almost manic with the way their giggles dissolved into breathless gulps of laughter, neither of them able to contain themselves. Tommy knew that part of the reason why he was acting so ridiculous was because he always acted punch drunk when he was this tired, and he knew that Evan was just naturally that amused at him.

Eventually it subsided and they rested quietly against each other once more…

…and then Evan said, “I like it when you’re clingy,” and Tommy whispered back, “I like when you’re clingy, too…”

A warm silence fell, and as they lay there the stray thought entered the airman’s mind that Evan always felt like home to him, and that he spent more time at his place than back at his own apartment. Even though it felt too soon, he wanted him to move in…but not yet. It could wait a bit longer, he mused as his felt his boyfriend’s fingers tracing along his spine.

Yeah.

It could wait a bit longer.

[inkformyblood]

many different ways (SVSSS)

before, after Pre-Relationship, Sickfic. Shen Yuan x Shen Jiu. Canon Divergence - SJ was placed as SY's reflection when he transmigrated.

The door shuts firmly behind Mu Qingfang, the world once again narrowed to four walls and gentle darkness. Shen Yuan remains where he had insisted on staying, half-draped over the edge of the bed, an outer robe loosely thrown over his shoulders and the sheets pooled around his waist. 

He coughs once, twice, his shoulders shuddering as he braces himself against the onslaught, aching ribs screaming, and tips his gaze upwards to the mirror. He’s heard the rumours thrown about because of his choice to move it closer, his recent habit of studying the nearest polished surface, the whispers of vanity and the louder cackles of debauchery, but he ignores them as best he can and his students take care of the rest.

Shen Qingqiu glares back at him, his green eyes acidic, burning through Shen Yuan’s skull. To one side, the System box flickers, the edges fragmenting into bleeding pixels before it stabilises into the current active quest.

‘Bless you, bless me, bless us. 

Get better soon!

Reward: 5 B-Points.’

Minimal risk, minimal reward, and an answer to the age old question of what it would look like if a computer picked up an actual virus. 

Shen Yuan picks at the edge of the sheet, drawing it further over his thighs as he folds his feet beneath the fall of it. The day is promising to be mild, the sun burning through the low lying cloud cover of morning, and it didn’t matter because Shen Yuan is not leaving this bed. One of the windows is cracked, a thin breeze winding across the floor and disturbing the latent scent of sickness and self-pity. 

“Just a cold,” Shen Yuan rasps, scuffing the heel of his palm against his cheek, shoving his hair back from his face. His fingers catch on a tangle, a spike of dull pain shooting over his skull, and he just tugs his fingers free rather than try and extract himself. “A Without-A-Cure flare-up into a cold.”

Shen Qingqiu leans forwards, one hand extended to brace himself against the side of the mirror. He looks as exhausted as Shen Yuan feels, every moment of interrupted sleep staining beneath his eyes, his mouth drawn into a snarl that feels like it had been sewn into place. His other hand knots at the hollow of his throat, drawing the robes closed. His voice is a scratch, run ragged and bleeding already. “You should have let him die. Why did you save the brat?”

“He’s important. They all are, your students.”

Shen Qingqiu moves closer, his gaze burning, anger running so close to embers that it can only glow and spit. “And who are you to make that judgement, demon? You who stole my body and trapped this master like this.”

Shen Yuan tips his face upwards with a groan, layering his hands over his eyes. “I didn’t choose this, I’m just trying to survive. Saving Binghe—“

Shen Qingqiu snarls, near animalistic, and Shen Yuan flinches, jerking back to face the other man and  answering him with a scowl of his own as he continues, “Saving Binghe, I panicked. This humble student begs for his master’s forgiveness.”

“You have killed me,” Shen Qingqiu says. 

Looking closer, there isn’t just anger splashed across Shen Qingqiu’s features. It is the easiest to spot, thin face bruised with patches of mottled red high on his cheeks, across the bridge of his nose, his teeth bared in a fatalistic grin, but beneath it, his eyes are wide, his pupils shrunken to a frantic pinpoint of fear. It’s the same way an animal caught in a trap is driven to chew off its own leg, and Shen Yuan wants to soften the damage he’s done, something in his chest twisting and tearing open.

“Please, this student knows he made a grievous error, but this isn’t fatal. We won’t die like this.”

If Shen Yuan succeeds, they won’t die like he knows they will either. 

Shen Qingqiu’s voice flattens, barely louder than an exhalation in the void between them. “Maybe it would be better if we did.”

Shen Yuan rises from the bed, kicking his feet free of the blankets tangled around his limbs. His head spins, a distant ringing in his ears as he walks, stumbles towards the mirror to kneel in front of it. His movement isn’t graceful, his limbs are leaden, his breath a rough wheeze against his ribs, and he leans forwards, pressing his forehead against the cool surface of the mirror. 

“I’m sorry, I beg your forgiveness.” His words fog the surface of the mirror, concealing Shen Qinqiu’s answering expression behind it. “I’m sorry.”

“Xiao-Jiu?“ Careful footsteps as Yue Qingyuan makes his way into the room, skirting the delicate edge of the boundary Shen Qingqiu had drawn countless times. ”Oh!”

Shen Qingqiu snaps, his voice muffled and thick. “Don’t— don’t call this master that.”

Shen Yuan echoes him, softer. He’s so tired. He just needs to rest for a moment, then he’ll be okay. Just a moment. Just a—

[betweenblackberrybranches]

For some reason i really wanna start a big cuddle pile with all my moots and followers.... just feelin soft

[corpsecoochie]

💃🏼 💀

[prettysymbiosis]

thinking about I won't mind thinking about drunk thinking about bordersz thinking about golden thinking about scripted thinking about fresh air thinking about insomnia thinking about alienated thinking about gates of hell thinking about gave and most of all I am thinking about the unresolved chord at the end of it's you.

[grahamcrackerss]

Thinking about Will Grahams relationship with the ideals of family and how Will was so angry that he lost even the concept of a child with Margo, a woman he never really loved. He became so immediately intimate with the idea of being a father that it seemed like a cruel joke to have it torn from his hands by (to his understanding) Hannibal and his Web of intricate manipulation.

Yet, when faced with the concept of losing Molly, a woman Will DOES love and had spent time growing a proper life and family with, a woman who came with a child that accepts Will so easily and that Will is clearly already comfortable being paternal towards, there's the to-be-expected turmoil but also an eerily calm acceptance despite the fact that this also was an instance clearly influenced by Hannibal.

Why, when faced with losing a family he built on his own, is Will not seemingly nearly as angry as he was over a child that was barely even a concept?

I can't help thinking about how Will must have known that he wasn't going to hold this life for long- this facade of a family. That no matter what, he knew that even with Hannibal behind bars, he wouldn't be finished with him so easily.

I just think about how Will, after tucking their boy in at night (his son at this point) and kissing Molly goodnight after settling beside her, would stay wide awake staring at the roof. I think about how he would probably spend hours tracing his fingers over that so called smile on his lower stomach thinking about how he's got everything he ever wanted, and yet something within him still yearns for an older sting long since healed that he misses. Almost boiling under the surface of that scar. Something he thought he'd never think twice about ever again.

I think about Will's slow realisation over the time that Hannibal's locked away that maybe his dream of always having a family weren't as forefront as they used to be. And maybe, alongside knowing he'd never be fully free, there was also something tugging that told him he didn't really want to be. That his palette had changed and so had his appetite for normalcy.

It's like Will was almost relieved to have Hannibal, despite his compromised position, take a baseball bat to his white picket fence.

The fact that Hannibal gave him everything he ever wanted and it still wasn't enough - it's as if Hannibal had pulled back the curtains to what Will really craved despite being entirely unable to be there physically himself.

Do you think about how - when the world really did become maddeningly polite- the only person Will could think of was Hannibal.

[katreal-fic]

hi hello I'm alive and I finished the next chapter of defragmentation. No idea when I'll post it because boy do I feel rusty and I worry it won't be good enoooough

[hellneedsaruler]

There’s just something about how by the end for Arthur to play the role he needed to play , be the once and future king who would unite Albion and rule justly, he had to learn to be gentle to be softer and kinder and more compassionate .

And he had to learn it from Merlin . The person who in order to become Arthur’s protector had to learn to be Ruthless . He had to be cold blooded , merciless and vicious to keep Arthur safe .

[imavikingo]

Everytime I look at Tumblr and see the tl I remember why I hate endgame with a passion you couldn't understand.

They fucked up Steve and Bucky so bad (yes, Bucky too bc suddenly he doesn't matter/isn't even a secondary character that deserves to be near Steve)

It's so funny to me (not) bc they talked about gay characters being in the movie at panels and interviews and even talked about Stucky at some point (basically queerbaiting) for then... Steve not even acknowledging Bucky. An awkward and impersonal hug doesn't cut it.

And Steve suddenly yearning and talking about Peggy? When he didn't even mourned her that bad and already had let her go ages ago? They knew they fucked up in CATWS with Steve and Buckys relationship, so they tried to distance them and then inserted Peggy bc ofc

(they possibly didn't have the time for a new character and they already had fucked up pairing Nat and Bruce and Wanda and Vision). Steve didn't have anyone else he cared about so they couldn't give him a new girlfriend. So they used Peggy AGAIN.

I'm not mad bc "Stucky not canon grr"

No.

I'm fucking pissed off because they did the worst character assassination and friendship assassination possible. Every movie of Cap America revolved around Steve saving Bucky at some point and him caring about him above all else, and you want me to believe that Steven Grant Rogers didn't care about him when Bucky died in front of his eyes? AGAIN? That Peggy's death was more important and impactful for him? If that was the case then why the fuck did he crash the plane then? If he cared so much about Peggy since forever?

No, that was just lazy writing and a way to reinforce Steve's sexuality "He can't be gay and you can't say that bc he LOVES PEGGY"(even tho he only kissed her once, even tho he crashed the plane and didn’t give her the coordinates, he didn't really care that much after all) they could have paired him with Nat in later movies, but they didn't.

That's why I only raise my eyebrows a lil when people say that x character will be gay canonically in a marvel movie/series. Is more than possible they won't. And if they are they're Deadpool, a secondary character no one cares about (obscure in lore too, so they can cut them off) or is plain queerbaiting again (because yes, even if you don’t see Steve and Bucky’s relationship as romantic, they DID QUEERBAIT IT)

Steve and Buckys relationship wasn't even written in a romantic way (you can ship them or not), but they tried so hard to rectify Steve's heterosexuality in endgame, that they fucked up their character arcs on purpose. And now they will always feel hollow and inconclusive. A bad taste in the mouth, a painful reminder of what it was and a what? 11 year long? characterization.

Idk man, I know I've talked about this more than three times, but omfg Tumblr reminds me why I hate that fucking movie!!! It's not my fault!!!

I know I'm going to end up writing something out of spite bc I can't take it shdkdjjcif

"It's been more than 4 years get over it" NEVER

Also the bit with Johnny Storm in Deadpool and Wolverine was also a dig (a fuck you if you will) to the fans bc Deadpool explicitly calls him Cap. And it implies that Steve as a character (not that old Steve nonsense) won't be back.

It's funny they've remade over and over again some movies (Fantastic 4, Spiderman) changed actors for characters (James/war machine, Bruce) and they include them in the multiverse/plot, but they won't do the same to some movies and some characters when they fuck up their stories, because they know if they do, they will have to acknowledge WHY they did it. Like with James/war machine changing actors.

So yeah, that's one of the reasons I don't care about Marvel anymore.

**I mean remake the movies ((Also they Can't remake Cap America bc that would mean they need to remake every important movie. And they don't have the time, the money nor the need. So that's why they decided to fuck their character arcs))

or include some characters in multiverse (they're going to do that with Tony/RDJ/Dr Doom after all, no?) and they also won't remake Cap bc the movies are amazing.

But the point stands. Steve couldn't be in DaW bc that would imply he's an alternative one or that Old!Steve was an alternative one or wasn't even Steve to begin with. But they couldn't do that ofc, no, bc that would give the fans hope in seeing Steve and Bucky together once again. So they did a dig at the fans bc "haha you thought it was Steve, but it's Johnny!"

Idk if I'm making sense at this point I'm tired af, need to sleep.

The thing is that they fucked up Steve Rogers's arc on purpose (Bucky's too, and others charas too tbh) and now they expect the fans to accept everything they give us with open arms. And imho I won't accept shit.

"Deadpool saved the MCU" how? If the other og characters are DEAD or they fucked them up too? Or are the butt of the joke now? Don't make me laugh. Most people don't gaf bout the new charas bc they only are presented in series not everyone watches (only available in one place) or are presented with characters that are dead now or as a replacement for the og characters. They aren't interesting on their own (not really, at least in mcu) and that's why most of the new stuff isn't liked as much. If they wanted to present more characters the opportunity passed already.

Also now if you want to watch and really understand 1 movie (if you don't read the comics too) you need to watch like 20 other movies and 5 shows. it's fucking exhausting.

[rragnaroks]

hello. it is i, your friendly neighbourhood goblin that pops up every now and then to scream about something new.

i love damien haas.

this has been a psa.

[kebriones]

Religion rant because I reached my actual limit today during family lunch:

Trying to have a normal discussion with my grandmother always ends up in a mess because of her religious beliefs. And that's in my opinion one of the worst aspects of religions like Christianity. People who actually deeply believe theirs is the only true and right faith, absolutely cannot accept other points of view, because to them they are objectively, factually wrong. So any attempt to make my grandmother understand a different point of view on literally anything fails, because she cannot, on a visceral level, accept other points of view, like I wouldn't be able to accept someone trying to tell me that the earth is flat. Because I know the earth isn't flat. And my grandma "knows", because she's a devout christian, that her faith is the only true faith and the only right path. So it's impossible, and I tried so, so hard today, to explain to her that other people might think differently, and that's fine and nobody is being harmed. But to her, not following the faith she thinks is the only right one, is a harm in and of itself. It's actually so damaging to her perception of the world, to her ability to act on that love christians are supposed to have, to her interpersonal relationships too. I don't particularly like my grandmother but I still care about people and I really wish she would break free of that but she's 88 years old and I don't think she will and it's heartbreaking.

[rainbowberriesandcookies]

Pain is being an ulquihime shipper but having to block/avoid most of them because they are weirdly anti-Orihime, anti-bleach ending, or "anti how Kubo wrote Orihime" even though she's one of the most consistently and well-written female characters in Shounen as well as the fact that they try to make Ulquiorra care more about Orihime than he actually did in the manga or even god forbid try to say that Ulquiorra cared more about Orihime than Ichigo did.

[the-sparkling-diamond-satine]

i'm only kinda sorry but if i'm reading fanfic and the writer puts faith in a dress without a Very Good Reason (ex. the mayor made her wear it, she's trying to impress buffy, she's a bridesmaid in somebody's wedding) i am taken out of it so quickly. that tiny detail bugs me so much what are you even doing?? faith hates dresses!!!! free her!!!!!