#because it feels like i'm just being dumb

[jjkarmy091]

Second Best- Jungkook (part 9)

Summary: Being friends with someone who has your heart it’s already hard, let alone when that special someone ends up falling in love with your best friend, the one you think would never make anything to hurt you . Will you be able to ignore it and move on? what will happen when everything gets too much for you to handle?

Genre: Friends to lovers; angst; body insecurities; bullying; friend betrayel;

Pairing: Jungkook x female!reader

Warning: strong language

Wordcount: 5.820

Author's note: I hope you guys enjoy this chapter just as much as I enjoyed writting it. Give me your thoughts. I love you all <3

P.S : I'm sorry for any mistakes

After Jungkook left Y/n found herself having an anxiety attack. What the hell did she just do? She was so mad and frustrated with her feelings and having Jungkook so close to her, so defenseless made her fold in so many ways. She made a mistake and now she couldn’t look at Jungkook like before. Not when he knows almost everything.  

She never thought that love would be this complicated. If only she knew this before, she would’ve never gotten so close to him. How dumb of her. Now mistakes were made and things were said... Oh how she wished to take them all back. She doesn’t know how much time she spent there alone until she saw Lisa run towards her with a very worried face. 

“Are you okay? I called you so many times, why didn’t you answer? I was worried sick!” she kneeled in front of her, checking if she had injuries. It was then when Y/n remembered Jungkook’s words 

I only found out that you were back because I saw your friend here yesterday 

All of a sudden Y/n gets up startling Lisa a little bit and goes a little far, breathing heavily. She turned to face her again and Lisa saw disappointment in her eyes.  

“You talked to Jungkook yesterday?” Lisa’s face went blank.

“I can explain” she tried approaching her friend but was dismissed. “Y/n I was trying to help somehow and ---” 

“So you told him I was back and that he should come here to talk?! Seriously, what’s wrong with you?” Y/n’s tears threatened to leave. Again “He did come here to talk. Out of nowhere, on my first day back to work Lisa! It went awful. We fought – I told him I was in love with him and it all went downhill afterwards. I love you and I’m so thankful for your support during these days but this was any of your concern and you shouldn't have gotten involved in this. How did you know who he was anyway?”  

“When I walked in, the coffee shop was very calm so I went to make my order and ended up making small talk with Sana. That’s when I noticed him sat down with his coffee in front of him looking outside the window. I asked her if he was Jungkook. He must’ve felt the looks on him because when he saw me, he got up so quick he almost fell. He was very straightforward, I was actually impressed. He asked me about you, if you were back in town, that he saw some pictures of us on our trip and invited me to sit with him so we could talk a bit... I know I shouldn’t have gotten involved, but he looked so heartbroken Y/n, you should’ve seen his face. If I had told you he was gonna see you you’d have run like you always do, because you’re never ready to face your problems” Y/n stayed quiet. Even tho she didn’t appreciate Lisa’s attitude, she had to agree with her partially. She didn’t say anything else, preparing herself to finally close the shop and heading home with Lisa. 

The drive home was very quiet and the tension was palpable. Lisa would give her some looks here and there, which Y/n decided to ignore, focusing on the view outside. It had started to rain and the radio was playing "You Broke Me First" by Tate Mcrae. Fate was definitely giving her reasons to cry even more. She grabbed a tissue and blew her nose. She was so absorbed in her thoughts that she didn't notice them entering the garage at home. As soon as she felt the car pull into the parking lot, she quickly got out of the car and started heading towards the elevator that would take them to their floor. A few seconds later she felt Lisa beside her. 

“I am really sorry Y/n. I just wanted to help smooth things over so you could understand each other once and for all. You both have a lot to talk about. There are many points that need to be clarified and neither you or him should jump to conclusions. I would never lie to you so when I say he was desperate to know something about you he really was Y/n, otherwise the first question in his head wouldn't be if you were okay and why were you mad at him.”  

Y/n looked at Lisa while wipping her tears. “What did you guys talk about?” Lisa gave half a smile 

“He was super nervous. Honestly, he didn't know where to start, his hands were shaking, you know? From the looks of it, it was clear that these were difficult days for him too. Then he thanked me for sitting with him and asked how you were, that you weren't responding to his texts and didn't understand your attitude. He told me about when you two met and that you were very close from then on, which is why he was so worried for not hearing anything from you in so many days. Then he confessed that he realized your distance from the moment he started dating Sewoon and asked me if I knew her too. He said he was sorry he didn't bring it up sooner and that he should have talked to you first and been more honest. In the end I mentioned that you would go back to work today, in case he wanted to talk to you, but I never thought it would go so wrong Y/n. What happened?” 

When they entered the house, they took off their shoes and put them away. Y/n went to the fridge and poured some orange juice for both of them. The fireplace was already lit, creating the perfect moment to drown the sorrows. It was so cozy and so warm. So homely. It was what she needed for the shitty weather and her mood. Y/n put her feet up on the couch and motioned for Lisa to sit next to her. 

“I wasn’t expecting him at all as you can imagine, so it was shoking for me when I heard his angelic voice. I froze. It took me a while to realize that this was going to happen and that there was no way to escape it. I don't know why he says I never said anything to him. After we arrived, I sent him a text, which he never responded to. Hence my surprise was even bigger when I saw him standing there, so I said the first thing it occurred to me. I told him we were closed. *facepalm.* He was so angry, but I can't understand why. I was too nervous to think about it anyway. You know I avoid this kind of confrontation when I feel cornered and he pressed and kept pressing even more when I started dodging his questions.”  

Y/n stops so she could five another sip on her drink. Honestly she wanted this to be a very strong shot, but after the last drinking binge, she promised herself that she wouldn't drink again in the near future.

“It was in that exchange of words that I couldn't contain myself any longer and confessed everything. I confessed that I was in love with him, that I knew he and Sewoon were still seeing each other and that I wanted some time to get my ideas together, organize my head. I tried to stay physically distant from him as much as possible, but he kept getting closer and closer to me. I swear to you Lisa, the only reason  I didn't kiss him was out of respect for Sewoon, even if she didn't have the same respect for me. I couldn't, so I sent him away. He looked so defeated, but I was so embarrassed about everything. I know I shouldn't have kicked him out of there like that. It's not his fault, I know, he didn't know but still... Every time I look at him I see a shadow of Sewoon and it breaks my heart every time.” Lisa facepalmed herself. 

“You're both being idiots. Want to know my honest opinion? I think that all this time you were interested in each other and neither of you had the courage to make the first move. Then Sewoon came along and destroyed everything else. She can manipulate things very well. I know this firsthand. Jungkook told me that besides coming here he also went to your house a lot. Did you know that?" Y/n made a shocked face 

 "How, if I never told him where I lived?"  

“He forced Sewoon to show him. He told me in passing that he had some strong arguments with her after you left and those were NOT couple arguments, but trivial arguments. She was always super calm. It made him feel weird how could she be so calm while her best friend was missing out of the blue... what are you gonna do next?” 

Y/n thought for a while. “Something I should’ve done a long time ago.”  

The next day and after a very bad night's sleep, Y/n woke up and got ready for another (long) day of work. After yesterday's episode she doubted very much that he would show up there. Yesterday she almost sent him a message apologizing, but she deleted it. She couldn', it was for her own good. Instead she texted Sewoon to meet up with her on her work break, but got no response from her, however Y/n was already expecting it.

The day went by normally, lots of movement and little rest. When there were only 5 minutes left for her break, she heard someone calling her name. Sewoon stood in front of her with her hair perfectly styled, designer clothes and sunglasses hanging from her red knitted sweater. Time really didn't pass for her. She was always so youthful, so free from worries. Y/n looked at her colleague and hinted that she was going to take a break, to which Sana nodded and headed outside with Sewoon. They were silent for a while and when Y/n realized she wasn't going to say anything she decided to make the first move 

“How are you?” Sewoon made a disdainful face 

“Cut the bullshit Y/n. There’s no need to pretend anymore, you and I know that very well, don’t we? Say what you have to say and stop wasting my time. Unlike you, I do have a fulfilled life.” Y/n felt bad about the way she was talking to her. So this is what Lisa was talking about? this unknown side of her. Yeah, because despite everything Sewoon had never spoken to her like that but, then again, Y/n was never against her game either. What an unpleasant surprise. How had she never noticed this side of her? It just proves how blind she is.  

Idiot 

“Why? Why are you acting like this? I never did anything wrong to you for you to punish me like this. On the contrary Sewoon, I've always been there for you! Is this because of Jungkook?”  

“It's for everything Y/n. Why didn't you continue in your hidden place? God, I waited every day for the news that something had happened to you so you could finally leave my life once and for all. But life is thankless. Besides you being here in front of me right now, you made me waste time with Jungkook looking for you, while you were having fun with MY ex. You’re a bitch. Of all people you had to be with him and I’ll never forgive you for that.” 

“You must be crazy. It wasn't planned! what the fuck Sewoon. It was by chance, but let me tell you that I'm glad it happened because I discovered a lot of things about your relationship! Things that aren't the way you said they were, and we've always been friends. My mistake was giving in to all your whims and distance myself from him because YOU wanted me to. Now I know it was all just your insecurity, wasn't it? Since we are confessing things, admit it! I know he had a crush on me in school and I also know you kept something it belonged to me this whole time, or you forgot about the letter he asked you to deliver?”  

After saying such words, Sewoon turned white as snow. If that's how she wanted it, that's how she would get it. “And about Jungkook, once again I was the one who met him first, way before you --” 

“Ohh please Y/n. Yes I admit I kept it all to myself because I liked him and I hated the fact that he was crushing on you, out of everyone. But you know me, one way or another, if I want something I get it and the proof of that is Jungkook.”  Every time she spoke of him, Y/n felt a sharp pang in her heart and she was terrified of what was coming next. 

 “He fell so easily into my hands and it was so nice to see your face every time you saw us together. I loved every second of your despair. You met him first, yes it's true, but after that I was first in everything. Not you. The way he touches, the way he kisses. How he fucks. I know it all, and you? Do you know what this is? No, because you're nothing more than a pathetic virgin. You'll never get past that. The game with Jungkook is not over, my love. This is just the beginning. You'll see him choose me every time, even if it's just for a quick fuck. It wouldn't be the first time or you really think that this didn't happen while we were apart? My dear, you have a long way to go before you reach me. Face it, you're not enough. Never were, never will be. You took Tae away from me so it's only fair I take Jungkook away from you.” 

After these words, Sewoon took grabbed her sunglasses and put them on her face and walked away from Y/n, not without winking at her and blew her a kiss. Y/n was terrified, completely out of place and empty. Sewoon was right, she didn't know what it was. She had won. Although at first she felt victorious with the way she was confronting her former best friend, that quickly fell apart. Now she was defeated, trying her best to hold back her tears until she left work. And with that mask, she went into the second part of his shift. 

Of course it didn't last long. An hour after the fight, a couple came in and made their order. Y/n couldn't help but look at them and think about Jungkook, about Sewoon and everything she reported they did. Them on dates, them in bed. It was the breaking point for Y/n. She told Sana she was going to the bathroom and broke down there. She lost count of the time she was closed there until Sana went to check on her and found her in a deplorable state. She had seen Sewoon come in so she knew the outcome of the conversation wasn't going to be the best. She hugged her tightly and told her to go home that she would take care of it, since the new intern who had recently joined the team was also there and he was actually quite experienced. Y/n thanked her, went to change her uniform and left.  

She was originally going to call Lisa but decided not to bother her. She was also at work and didn't want to cause any more inconvenience, so she decided to take a walk. A long one. During it she managed to calm down little by little. She sat for a while in a garden full of happy parents and children playing. She remembered her parents and how much she missed them. In these low moments, she just wanted to go back to being a child, however she remembered that even then, life wasn’t easy for her. 

It then started to get cold so she continued her walk. Without knowing how or why, she found herself in front of the tattoo shop where Jungkook worked. How the hell did she end up there? It was definitely her subconscious playing tricks on her. With that she just prayed that he wouldn't show up, but guess what? as soon as she had finished having this thought, she heard the main door open and three people came out: Jungkook, a slightly older man and a boy about her age with a film on his arm. With that, she just prayed that he wouldn't show up, but guess what, as soon as she finished thinking about it, she heard the main door open and three people coming out: Jungkook, a slightly older man and a boy about her age with a red arm and something transparent protecting the area. Must have finished a session for sure. Hidden, she watched the scene in front of her. Jungkook was calm and talking to the other two guys when suddenly he took out a pack of cigarettes. What? since when did he star smoking? 

Every time Y/n saw him he became even more attractive. She knew just as he caught her attention, he also caught many other girls' attention (and boys too, I bet). And it was something that never crossed her mind before. The amount of girls that must be waiting for him to give them a chance and for a moment she felt small, followed by an ironic laugh. It didn't matter anymore, she mentioned it was over and she was going to do everything to move on. She deserved to be happy.

Y/n hoped they would quickly enter the establishment, as it was getting very cold and she still had a 15 minute's walk home.  Looking back at the entrance, she now sees a fourth person in the group, a very pretty girl, redhead with wavy hair. She was wearing black shorts and a white top which highlighted her tanned skin. Looking at her from top to bottom, you could see her right arm covered in tattoos and a few more spread across her other arm and left leg. She seemed to be familiar to Jungkook, because as soon as he saw her they gave her a tight hug and she even took his cigarette to smoke it. The intimacy must have been very strong because he didn't make any uncomfortable face. Y/n wished she was that badass. After everyone smoked their cigarettes, they went back inside. She waited a few more minutes so she could continue on her way without being seen. And there she went, cold, hungry and jealous.  

It had only been a couple of hours since she had last spoken to him and while her world was upside down, his seemed whole, as if having "losing" a friend made no difference. You could see the traffic more now with rush hour. It was getting dark and people were heading home. Before going home aswell Y/n decided to take a detour to her favorite place to take dinner home. Lisa had said she would be late today, so it was up to her. 

Meanwhile the street had quieted down a little, but it was only for a short while because the noise of a motorcycle started to become noticeable, yet she ignored it until she started to hear constant beeping. Starting to get scared, she decided to ignore it for her own good, but the beeping started to get even more constant and faster until it seemed like someone had said her name. She stopped and saw the motorcycle slow down only to be surprised by Jungkook. Just when she wanted to run from him, was when she would see him the most. Did she ever mention she hated her luck? 

He motioned her to move forward so he could park the bike safely. Slowly she walked towards him, because the path she wanted to follow was that one, so it was difficult to go around it. He took off his helmet and watched her walk towards him. My god, could he not look away? how shameless. She gave him a nod, grabbing at the same time the coat she was wearing to hide the nervousness she was feeling. She wasn't going to stop but when she got closer he spoke. 

“Please don’t pretend I’m not here. I stopped to greet you, the one thing I’m expecting you to do is for you to greet me back” - son of a bitch, Y/n thought.  

“Hi Jungkook, good to see you. Okay bye then” Y/n was already leaving when Jungkook grabbed her arm. Gosh, this was becoming a habit. 

“Please don’t do that. Don’t pretend that we’re strangers over something so stupid. Don’t do that to me Y/n. Besides, don’t you know how dangerous it is to walk all by yourself? For a smart girl you’re pretty reckless” Y/n released her arm from his grip. 

“Last time I checked I’m an adult fully aware of the dangers and consequences of her actions. Thank you but I don't need another father I already have one." She was mad over his “something stupid” line. What the fuck. Were her feelings so pathethic? Jungkook stirred.  

Discomfort? Check. 

“I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you walking around by yourself, it's dangerous. As much as it costs you to believe, I care about you. You never had any reason to complain about that Y/n, I don't know the reason behind all this arrogance right now.” She wanted to say that he was wrong, but she couldn’t. Despite the fact that when he was with Sewoon he wouldn’t care for her at all (or so she thought), somehow he was right, she was letting her emotions get the best of her. Jungkook never failed her when she needed him the most and every time she needed to talk, he was the first one to open space for it. She was being unfair. 

“You're right. I'm sorry for what I said, I guess. Not that it's an excuse, but today was a difficult day. Thank you for your concern, even tho I'm already used to it. Don't forget that I work in a store that closes at 11 p.m and when I'm at that shift there is no type of ride home other than my two legs and little feet.  I'll be fine, don't be late because of me. Thank you once again" She started to move forward but he stopped her from taking any further steps. Again

“Let me give you a ride” She looked at him. 

"No need, I still have to take a detour, it will only get in your way. It’s healthy to walk, you can--”  

“Stop being so stubborn Y/n. I wanna give you a ride, didn’t you catch that yet? And what were you doing near my shop Y/n? I saw you passing by it when I came outside. Are you okay?”   

“What do you mean you saw me? you guys had just walked in, I checked !” Shit she just lost her disguise  

“I had to step outside again and saw you around the corner. I warned my friends I had to leave, hoping I could still catch you. Thank God I did. ” You tried your best not to talk about the girl who was with him and how comfortable they looked. Not that it was your business anyway, you had nothing to do with it and it came from you the decision to put a distance in your friendship. You were trying, you swear you were, you wanted to keep that distance, but for some reason fate kept pushing you towards each other's path. 

“I don’t know why, you seemed very busy back there.” She said it without realizing it and when she replayed the words that came out of her mouth, she wanted to punch herself.  Isn't there a day when things don't go the way she wants?  

Jungkook understood the double meaning of what she said, referring to the girl who was with him. He already knew she had seen them as soon as he went outside to smoke a second cigarette since the first one was "stolen" by Athena, his brother's girlfriend. They got along really well and she had just started working at the store. 

"I finished my sessions a long time ago. I was just waiting for Athena to give her something. She’s my brother’s girlfriend and she started working there a couple weeks ago. When I saw you, I found it strange because you never take this route and I wanted to make sure you were okay or if you wanted to talk to me now that your calmer. Now that I'm here, you have no excuse to walk home. Even if you need to go somewhere I'll take you, it doesn't bother me at all" 

For some reason Y/n's face became more relieved and although she tried to hide it, even Jungkook himself noticed it. When she said nothing more, he handed her the spare helmet. Initially he was going to help her put it on, but she took it off his hand and put it on herself. Y/n knew there was no point in insisting with him. After being friends for so long, something she knew too well was how stubborn and insistent Jungkook was, so she put on her helmet while Jungkook settled himself on his Harley waiting for her to get on. Then she started to get nervous, where should she hold on? 

Jungkook noticed her expression, so when she sat on the motorcycle, he grabbed her one of her arms and put it around his waist, pulling her closer to him. Y/n wasn't expecting that gesture so when she tried to move away a little, she heard Jungkook say "no", pulling her close to him again. Y/n's breathing was uneven, yet she tried to hide it, putting her other arm around him casually. She swears she saw Jungkook smile in the rearview mirror. When she thought she was back to normal, Jungkook turned his head back and she almost passed out. He was so breathtaking.

"Where to?" Y/n looked at him and said the name of her favorite restaurant and they started their way over there. Every now and then she would try to move away a bit, but when he noticed her presence further away, by "coincidence" he would brake, making her hit his back with her chest. The trip was based on his unexpected braking and her complaints about it. Anyone who saw them like this would think they were a couple in love. If only, she thought. 

If only 

La dolce Perla it was the name of the restaurant. Y/n discovered this place while walking with her mother one day when she came to visit her at her work place and since then she started going there, especially on her worst days. Shortly after she discovered the place, she met the owner and they became close. Jeff was a gentleman in his 50s, super friendly and approachable. He was her go to when needed comfort. Despite living there Jungkook had never heard of that place, but he really liked the aesthetics. Entering, they immediately came face to face with Jeff. 

“Y/n, my dear. How are you doing? Long time no see. We were already missing having you around." 

“Ohh stop it Jeff” she laughed. “I missed you too --.” she was suddenly interrupted Jeff - “Wait... Is he your boyfriend? Gosh Y/n, I’m happy it worked well for you in the end --” Y/n turned white and interrupted Jeff back  

“No no no. Not my boyfriend at all. He’s a – hmm- friend, yeah. Actually I came here to ask if you had any food left so I could take home. I didn’t eat much today and I was really craving your amazing food so --” 

“You could have said that already. Even if I didn’t have anything I’d have it prepared just for you. But since you and your friend are here, why don't you eat here? Today is a quiet day, we have free tables. Kara will direct you to the main room.” She understood Jeff's scheme and refused the offer until she heard Jungkook's voice.  

“This place is amazing and the food looks wonderful. You’re not gonna take this opportunity away from me, right? Next time I might not be so lucky and it will be your fault" And that was how Kara got them a table overlooking the fantastic outdoor garden. They were also at a more secluded table, with a little more privacy and without many eyes on them and perhaps that's why all she wanted to do was run away.  

Y/n made her request and Jungkook did the same. Kara went to deliver their order and came back with a bottle of red wine and set it on the table, winking at her. The atmosphere of the restaurant was wonderful but the tension between them was enormous. She knew she should have insisted more on him not accompany her, even if it meant running away from him, but he would think she was childish. Jungkook took the bottle and poured both glasses and drank a little, without taking his eyes off her. 

“ So... with all this you ended up not answering my question." Y/n looked at him confused. "Are you okay? I thought you were closing this week. When I saw you near my tattoo shop I thought it was a mirage, but then I realized it wasn't. You know I'm here if you need to talk. Or anything else.”  

It was then that she remembered Sewoon and her words, then she looked at the scene between her and Jungkook. Would this be a normal date with him? everything Sewoon experienced with him. She shook her head, trying to forget that thought. Fortunately the food arrived. 

“Yeah, everything’s fine. I changed schedules with Sana today, I needed to take care of some matters and... yeah, that's it.” she said, tasting her meal. Jungkook followed her actions before adding: 

“I think you forget that I know you very well and I know when you are lying. Are you gonna run away again? Because let me know if you do Y/n. I was devastated by the fact that you left and didn’t tell me anything. An “I’m okay” would be enough. We’d talk whenever you were ready. I know you have some things to say and honestly so do I. I’ll wait, just don’t push me away. I miss you.” 

Without any warning, her eyes began to form tears. It was a good thing that both of their plates were almost empty, because she couldn't take it anymore. She whispered "sorry, I can't" to Jungkook, got up and went to the exit. It was too much and she wasn't ready. It was all very recent. She would talk to Jeff later and pay for the meal another day. At that moment she just wanted to get out of there. It was for a short time because Jungkook was by her side after a few minutes.

"Stop acting like this Y/n. Stop running away and face things as they are. Face me!" He was so frustrated right now 

“What do you want from me Jungkook? Hm? I already told you everything. I’m in love with you. I fell in love with you and I’m so fucking mad about it. It could be everyone but you. That’s what you want to hear?” Jungkook felt a sharp pain in his heart. Was it so awful to like him? Y/n was frustrated but kept going 

“I'm not the type to fall in love. I always ran away from that. I never had a boyfriend, I never pressured myself to give in to boys at school and I never liked going out at night.  That’s Sewoon not me. I’m shy. I like to be in my corner. Maybe that’s the reason Sewoon approached me. I was so insecure and quiet that I wasn't even good at defending myself and that's what she did and we've been friends ever since, or so I thought at least. Then I met you Jungkook and--” The tears she was holding were now falling. “and you changed that. Don’t ask me how or why. I was so messy on the day we met and you still talked to me so nice. Never thought I’d see you again but the next day came and you were there and after that too and we created such a nice bond. I didn't want to ruin what we had, because for me it was rare and I knew it was impossible for you to reciprocate my feelings. Just look at you and look at me. You are the kind of person everyone wants while I am the kind of person no one notices.” Y/n was crying for real now and Jungkook tried approaching her but she stepped back.

It was time

“That’s where you’re wrong Y/n. I noticed you ever since the first day-. Why do you think I kept going back? I have a coffee shop across my work place Y/n- I- don’t you think it’d be easier for me to go there than to take a motorcycle trip to go to yours?” he tried approaching her once again. She let him this time. They were inches away from each other at this point when she looked at him with such an intense gaze Jungkook felt shivers down his spine.  

“I was going to tell you, you know. That I liked you. I think it was fate, because it was on that same day that you asked me to introduce you to Sewoon and I already knew how the situation would unfold. Sewoon is beautiful. You are perfect and it was just a matter of time for you to find your way into each other's embrace.” Jungkook felt like a huge son of a bitch with what he was hearing. Fuck, this wasn't how he wanted it to be. “I wanna go home Jungkook. This is too much for me to handle and I need to slow down before I reach the point of breaking. I don't want to break in front of you. Not you, not right now"

Jungkook nodded and kissed her forehead respecting her request. He could do that, he could wait. In fact he was going to wait. He let this situation drag for far too long and had to put an end in it. There were so many lapses in this that even himself was confused and there was only one person he could talk to other than you.

He grabbed Y/n's helmet and put it on her head, doing the same with his own. The rest of the trip was silent, but there was no tension anymore, more like a sense of relief. The only time she spoke was to tell him where she was living now. He parked in front of the house and helped her take off her helmet, grabbing her hand, stroking it. Y/n exchanged glances between his eyes and their hands. Once again she wanted to kiss him so badly and one more time Sewoon's words replayed in her head so all she did was give him a tight hug. Not for him, but for her, she was in need of that comfort. As she was in his arms she could smell his perfume. Oh - she remembers this smell. He's using the perfume she gave him on his birthday. Her heart was so warm from this.

Everyone talks about how little things are important. Those people were right.

Before Y/n walked away, she gave him a small kiss on the cheek. She then felt his hands on the sides of her waist. For a split second she thought he was going to kiss her and got a little anxious. She doesn't know if he noticed because after she heard Jungkook say "I'm waiting for you". Y/n nodded and stepped back, making her way to the front door. When she saw he was still there she waved and went in. Her heart was racing. What was that? Butterflies in the stomach? More like the whole zoo in it. Pieces by pieces the truth would come out, but would you and Jungkook find a way for each other's life again?

More important, would you be able to leave your insecurities behind and give in to the feeling you have been avoiding for so long? You hope so because you'd do anything to have Jungkook by your side. You can't have been the only one who felt the sexual after he drop you off. The atmosphere between you both was different and it had nothing to do with friendship.

You were sure of that

Tags: @esposadomd @joonlover1207 @eegyo @furrywonderlandwolf @minghaosimp @differentrunawayperson @nikkinikj @jksusawife @jk97bam @cryingoverpixelsetc @bhonbhon @lostinneocity @almostpurplelady @meowforluv @imagine-this-motherfucker @jk-190811 @cryingoverpixelsetc @11thenightwemet11 @rinkud @ayatie97 @jk-190811 @shaku1995 @blueberriesm @darkangelfei

[archangeldyke-all]

Angel… hear me out…

butch babies already has 4 drabbles, just one more to get an emoji and be officially a series soooo… what do we (you) think about writing about one of them being jealous maybe bc of insecurities (like idk someone was flirting with sev and reader started feeling insecure bc she is like complete opposite of this other girl), OR maybe they got on a stupid argument and they both are so dumb and stubborn that they don’t know how to solve shit (they are teenagers after all) so they try and make a move to solve everything like organizing something in their hideout but they end up planing the exact same thing JSMDMDKD. OR how would be their first time together (i kinda picture sev waiting for an adequate moment and trying to make it really special for reader, maybe as a birthday gift, or celebrating like an anniversary of that first fight when they meet).

I’m just obsessed with them atm 😭😭😭

this whole series is healing my inner teenager ugh asd;lfjas;ldkj

men and minors dni

you're having a shitty night.

you and sevika snuck up to piltover to sneak into some university frat party-- looking to sell the shitty cave-weed you've been growing in your hideout to rich college kids who don't know any better. at first, it was fun. you made good money, drank expensive liquor, and danced to piltie music.

but now, you're a little drunk, you've got a headache from the altitude, and sevika's pissing you off. she's got her signature cocky smirk-- the one usually directed at you-- pointed at some pretty, proper, pilite girl.

sevika says she's yours. she says you're her favorite girl in the world. but... sometimes you worry.

you know you're different from most girls your age. you've never been interested in typical girly things. wearing dresses makes something nervous start to crawl around in your stomach, and you prefer to keep your hair short and out of the way, not bothering with ribbons or clips or bows. even in zaun; where piltover pinks and frills are traded out for flashy piercings and bold makeup-- femininity just doesn't suit you, no matter what form it takes.

you huff as your girlfriend leans closer to the piltie girl, snatching the closest bottle of good liquor and storming out of the frat house.

you make it halfway down the block before sevika comes running after you.

"hey! don't you hear me callin' your fuckin' name?" you roll your eyes and keep walking. you can hear her scramble after you, before she reaches out and tugs your arm. "what's your fucking problem?"

"what's your fucking problem!?" you ask.

sevika gawks at you. "i-i dunno?" she asks. "i thought we were having a fun time!"

"you sure seemed to be having fun." you huff.

"well, yeah! babe, look!" sevika reaches in her pockets and starts pulling out silverware and watches. you snort and roll your eyes, and resist the temptation to show your best friend your own stolen goods from the evening.

"sev... do you ever think..."

"what?" she asks, still confused.

you sigh. "sometimes i feel like you should be with someone so prettier than me."

"what?!" sevika shouts. "y-you're the prettiest girl in the entire universe--"

"yeah, but i'm not, like..." you flail a bit, looking for the words.

sevika frowns at you. "you're not what?"

"you know sevika. you've known me since i was a kid. you're the same way, sorta." you say.

"so you don't think i'm pretty?" sevika asks.

you gasp and reach out for her with your free hand. "no!" you shout. "sevika-- you're so pretty, your face is all i ever think abo--"

"then why are you being weird?!" sevika shouts.

"because you were flirting with that girl!"

sevika freezes, then she bursts into laughter. "babe!" she cackles.

you huff and pull away from her, taking a sip off the bottle you'd stolen.

"i don't get what's funny."

"i was scamming her!" sevika cackles. you blink.

"what?" you ask.

sevika shrugs. "people up here are rich. and stupid. she was telling me all about how she snuck out of her sorority house-- how everyone who lives there is at a party tonight--"

"we cannot rob a sorority house!" you cut your girlfriend off. sevika deflates.

"but babe!" she whines.

you can't help but giggle with relief and exasperation. sevika must be even drunker than you-- she only gets this mischievous when she's drunk.

"absolutely not. c'mon, i took this bottle, we can go to our hideout and have our own party."

"but i only got like three sets of silverware!"

"look." you giggle, pushing the bottle into sevika's hands and reaching into your sports bra. underneath your shirt, flannel, and jacket, nobody could see the increasingly lumpy silhouette of all the shit you managed to sneak out of the frat house. telescopes, fancy lighters, pocket watches, bifocal glasses, and best of all-- two unlimited piltover university cafeteria passes.

"holy shit!" sevika gasps, grinning down at your haul. "you're fucking amazing!" she giggles.

you smile. "i'm sorry i freaked out."

"i'm sorry i didn't tell you my evil plan. guess i oughta tell my partner in crime about my criminal plans, eh?" she teases. you laugh, redistributing your goodies from the evening in your pockets, before grabbing sevika's hand and tugging her toward the university's campus. you're gonna treat your girl to an all expenses paid cafeteria dinner.

"yes, you should. now hide that liquor so we can get into the dining hall." you whisper.

sevika giggles. "these passes are for grad students. we're too young, they're gonna know!"

"we'll tell 'em we're child prodigies."

"us?!" sevika cackles. you snort and stop your trek, pulling sevika in by her waist for a kiss.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@kissyslut @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@lavenderbabu @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @my-taintedheart

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @k3n-dyll @sevsdollette

@ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re @raphaellearp

@iamastar @sevikitty @mascdom @nhaaauyen @annesunshiner

@mirconreadzztuff22 @veoomvroom @lushh-s3vik4s @katyawooga @lesbodietcoke

@strawberrykidneystone @vkumi @fict1onallyobsessed @dvrkhcld @sweetybuzz25

@sluttysierraaa @snake-in-a-flower-crown @ruiwonderz @littlemisszaunite @biblicalcrybaby

@blackgaladriel @nightlyconfusion @dancingqu33n17 @losernb @p1nkearth

taglist!!

@sevikas-baby @ghostscandys @sevikasllver @runawaybaby3

[loveandleases]

This just happened to me what do the Ro's do if Mc screams from their room jolts out screaming their was a spider near their face in their bed and they are scared to go back to bed (legit woke up to a big spider next to my face forever traumatized 💔)

That is nightmare fuel right there.

❤️ Cam - "Where?! Where was it? Did you bring it with you? Shit, did you just give it directions to my room?!"

He will usher MC to his room, allowing them to sleep in the back of the bed, farthest away from the door. They can even cuddle if it makes MC feel better, I mean Cam is absolutely willing to do that for them.

"It's not like I'm afraid of it or anything, I mean I could go take care of it right now. But... oh what, what if it's like a rare species? I gotta let it live. Conservation and all that."

(such a little liar.)

💙 G - They're not afraid, they're a vet. They can handle arachnids. Yet it takes them a good ten minutes to go into your room. They refuse to let MC come in, since clearly MC is afraid. They'll hear some things falling over, that was not a scream. G would never. Then G comes out, stone faced and grabs MC by the hand and heads to their own apartment with them in tow. "Wait, what are you... did you not get it?"

G doesn't say anything not at first. Instead they get a glass of wine and down it in one go. "I was thinking, for old time's sake. We let Cam handle it."

MC chooses to say nothing about the tremble of G's hand that holds the glass, or the slightest twitch of their eye. For now, the spider is Cam's problem. *queue ungodly screaming*

💚 Kara - "Aww, you don't have to be afraid. I'll take care of it." She is like the spider whisperer. She isn't afraid of them, if anything she thinks their tiny little bodies and hairs and beady eyes are cute.

"If you're uncomfortable sleeping here we could always… go to my place?" She says, a hint of mischief in those blue eyes.

💛 M - They're prepared, they bring out everything, from sprays to powders. If this isn't a termination situation then M has other methods. They can get the spider out, and into the hall, "Come on little one, I'm trying to be humane here." they say as they nudge the spider closer to Ardent's door.

"Then why are you moving it towards his apartment?"

"Oh... was I?" M says, hoping that playing dumb will cover up that little gremlin streak. They'll take it out, where its safe, if that's what MC wishes. If not, they're ready to help MC and prep their apartment for the future.

💜 Isaac - (dependent on relationship since isaac will be rather flirty early on) He bursts into the room at the sound of MC's scream, his eyes scanning every inch of their body to ensure they're safe. Only to find them on the bed, pointing at the tiny little spider that scurries in the corner of the room. He takes one look, then smirks.

"Damn, I thought you were being murdered in here or something," he drawls, arms crossed as he leans against the door frame. "But nope, just a tiny, defenseless spider terrorizing you."

Isaac strolls over, taking his sweet time, and plucks up the spider. Zero fear. And winks at MC. "You know, if you needed an excuse to get me in your bedroom, babe, you could've just asked."

Then, as he walks past MC to take the spider outside, he adds in a low, teasing voice: "Though if you’re looking for someone to keep you safe at night… I wouldn’t mind volunteering."

Isaac then takes the spider outside, and plops it on one of the flower beds that he has meticulously taken care of.

🖤 Ardent - (he is getting a long one because idk i feel like making him suffer a little)

“What the hell is going on?” he grumbles, his voice still thick from waking up.

He doesn't spare the spider a second glance when he sees how shaky MC's hand is when they point at the spider. He's never had an issue with them, despite how fucking big that spider is. Just seeing MC's distress causes him to act. He sighs, shakes his head, and grabs their hand. "Come on."

He then guides them to his apartment, it's an instinct like he's done it a hundred times before, and he doesn't even question it. He settles them in his bed, letting them nestle under the cover. "Just stay here tonight. I'll check again in the morning," he mutters, the weight of sleep thick in his voice.

Without thinking he presses a kiss to their forehead - just a reflex, an unconscious gesture that feels so natural despite everything. With another groan, he sinks back, and his body instinctively curls around MC's. Before MC can even tell him goodnight, he's asleep once more.

The next morning, when he wakes up, and he notices the warmth beside him, that's when it all sinks in. The kiss, the words, the way he pulled them into his bed - it all feels like something he wouldn't do if he were fully awake. When he was acting guarded or like an ass. This causes his irritation to flare as he sits up, raking a hand through his hair that is a mess, clearly still disoriented from a deep sleep.

"Shit…" he groans, muttering under his breath and realizing MC's scent clings to his body. He doesn't wake them, partly because he's still too comfortable with them curled next to him. Instead, he silently marches to their apartment (cam's already gone for the day, which is a small win.) and begins fumigating the place.

He's embarrassed and frustrated, and this will cause him to hate spiders (or love them, dudes in denial) In all honestly he can't put a finger on why he feels the way he does.

"Just get this shit over with," he mutters, spraying the room's corners, his grumpy mood hiding the confusion and vulnerability that he's still sorting through.

[harmless-variety-of-garden-snake]

Alright, BuckTommy Fluffebruary Day Three: Spider-Man Kiss is up on AO3, too! It's dumb as hell, someone needs to pay Eddie to deal with these two. Tagging @bucktommyfluffebruary.

The rock-climbing gym isn’t too busy, because it’s a Tuesday and the middle of the day. Buck, Tommy, and Eddie are probably the biggest group there, and they’re definitely the loudest. There was no way this was going to turn into anything but a race with increasingly ridiculous conditions so they might have a chance at beating Tommy.

Buck and Eddie are fit, they’ve had to climb up and down buildings, they're on ladders all the time, they’ve done their fair share of rappelling into dangerous situations, but they’re not doing medevac out of canyons, ravines, and mountains as often as Tommy does. He’s an absolute beast and only lost one race because he’d gotten a penalty for not skipping the right hold. Buck had laughed at his perturbed expression and given him a consolation butt grope while Eddie was busy doing a victory lap.

“We never stood a chance,” Eddie says, sighing.

“Nope,” Buck says, but he can’t sound glum because of how his boyfriend’s ass looks in the harness.

He gets gently shoved by Eddie, who clearly clocks the dreamy tone of his voice. “Nuh-uh, we’re getting burgers after this, I’m not getting ditched so you two can hook up somewhere. Eyes down, Buckley.”

Tommy smacks the top of the rock wall and looks over his shoulder with a cocky grin. “Time?”

“Shut up, you won by like five seconds,” Eddie calls back with a wave of disgust.

As Tommy rappels down, Buck hands off the rope to Eddie and steps closer with the intention of steadying him when he reaches the ground, but then Tommy stops about two-thirds of the way down and looks back at him. Buck steps back just in case he has to grab the rope with Eddie, but Tommy doesn't look like he's struggling.

“Can I fulfill a two decade old fantasy real quick?” he asks.

Buck squints suspiciously. “Here?”

Tommy grins. “Yes.”

"I'm not being charged as an accessory to public indecency," Eddie says, and Buck elbows him.

“Yeah, alright,” Buck says to his boyfriend, grinning as he steps closer to the wall again, ready for whatever Tommy proposes. “What’d you have in mind?”

Tommy comes down a little further and does a sort of lunge against the wall, tipping himself backward until his face is hanging in front of Buck’s and his toes are hooked under one of the holds.

“Oh, my god,” Eddie says faintly. "Really?"

“What are you doing?” Buck asks, laughing.

“I showed you this movie,” Tommy reminds him, and Buck feels a lightbulb go off. He'd actually seen this one as a kid, forgotten almost everything about it, and rewatched it with Tommy without alerting him to the fact that, yes, he was eleven when Spider-Man came out and he had actually seen it with Maddie.

When he steps forward and holds Tommy’s head in his hands, he scratched his fingers through Tommy's hair as he kisses him sweetly. There’s minimal, respectable tongue, because they're in public and there are underpaid gym employees around and also Eddie is like five feet away and has already dealt with a lot of their second honeymoon phase bullshit today. There’s also no rain, which is probably for the best, it looked uncomfortable in the movie for the actor.

It’s strange not having to tilt to avoid crashing their noses together, and Buck smiles when he feels Tommy sigh through his nose against his own chin. When he steps back, Tommy looks dazed. He hopes it’s from the kiss and not the blood rushing to his head.

“Aren’t you supposed to go save New York now?” Buck teases.

“Nah, just the greater Los Angeles area,” Tommy replies cheekily, smiling. Seeing the scrunchy expression upside-down is adorable. Buck comes in and kisses him again before stepping back once more.

Tommy moves himself back to a vertical position and drops down to his feet, and Buck is there to unhook him. He kisses him gently then, too, because Spider-Man also got kisses when he was right-side up.

When he turns to Eddie, his best friend looks thoroughly done with both of them but does hold his phone up. “I did get that on video. You’re welcome. Buy me a burger.”

“I will buy you so many burgers,” Tommy says, greedily reaching for Eddie’s phone. “And fries, a milkshake, whatever you want.”

“You’re such a fucking nerd, Kinard,” Eddie says, clapping him on the shoulder. “I’ll take onion rings instead.”

Buck leans in and peers at the video, and yeah, okay, he does get a fluttery feeling in his stomach when he sees it. He’s definitely putting it on Instagram and backing it up on every cloud he can get his hands on.

“We’re so cute,” he sighs, leaning against Tommy.

“We’re adorable,” Tommy agrees. “Jesus, I am also never wearing grey shorts when we come here again.”

“Yeah, I’ll crop your bulge out of the Instagram post.”

“Oh, god, give me my phone,” Eddie groans.

–

Buck posts the video with the caption: Went to the gym and found a friendly neighborhood Pilot-Man. Might keep him forever.♥️

firepilotTK This implies I was bitten by a radioactive pilot and gained the abilities of a pilot through their venom. Which is exactly how I got my job, actually. firepilotTK ♥️♥️♥️♥️

[bentnotbroken1fanfiction]

So, I've seen a couple of people express concern or feel a pressure to hurry up and write their fics before THK ends in two weeks, and I'm here to just say that you don't have to rush to complete a fic before the show ends. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills or something, but the Thai BL fandom community is SO weird when it comes to its fanfiction.

It's the only place where I've seen fandom last only as long as the show is on air??? That's dumb. That is so dumb! I have been in fandoms that haven't had a movie or book in 10+ years and there are STILL fanfics being written, or at the very least being read. So why do I see so many folks disheartened when BL shows end? We can still read and write for them!!!

I literally just read a TEEN WOLF fanfic the other day, and I read The Untamed fic on the regular. Not to mention, the fandom that shall not be named. That shit is going STRONG despite all the controversy surrounding its author.

So, write your Heart Killers fanfics even when the show ends! Read and write FadelStyle and KantBison in a month, two months a year from now! No one is stopping you! You're allowed to enjoy the fandom and show even after it's done airing! And I will be sticking around to read and write for it. Because fandom doesn't stop for me just because the source material is finished.

[genderqueerdykes]

I'm going to start throwing a tantrum if the popular leftist YouTubers keep saying Trans Women when talking about the effects of Trump's policies that very much can and do harm and kill trans men. Like I don't get it? What is the point of specifying trans Women every time they talk about broader trans issues? Do they even realize they're doing this?

this is a really good ask, thanks for taking the time to say it! that makes me really glad i don't watch anything even remotely political or related to queer topics on youtube. i'm not sure how other people can do it, it's entirely too stressful and it's way more common than not that people just end up getting sucked up into petty drama instead of talking about the queer experience or helping other queer people.

i have to be honest to god about this behavior: it's virtue signalling mixed with genuine trans(andro)phobia. the vast majority of it is straight up just virtue signalling and it's old as fuck. it is super obvious and i have no idea how people think they're doing anything good by behaving this way. this is a way for people to make Themselves feel better because they're patting themselves on the back for being sooooooooo progressive and sooooooo good to trans women. people want to look like a great ally to transfems without actually being one.

it's fucking annoying as hell and it's being done on purpose to show that that person doesn't give a singular shit about trans men or anyone else and is literally just sucking up to trans women in the hopes of gaining brownie points and looking more progressive. like it's glaringly apparent that people think that trans woman is the only way to be trans, can we call this bullshit for what it is? "trans person" does NOT mean "trans woman". if you want to specifically talk about trans women, just say that. don't do this weird thing where you're like "oh this is gonna affect trans people!" and then immediately say it as trans women.

trans women are not the only trans people. fucking stop this behavior. you are doing this on purpose. you are leaving out trans men on purpose for the sake of trying to look progressive and like you care about trans rights. all you're doing is proving that you are transphobic af and are only doing this to either suck up to trans women, or for trans women to intentionally erase trans men and completely leave them out of the conversation. like sometimes it IS trans women doing this and we HAVE to call it out. trans women can and do participate in transmasc erasure. we have to pretending that trans women can't hurt trans men, transmascs, nonbinary people, genderqueer people and all other kinds of trans people.

i 100% agree with you. if we're talking about trans issues in general why do people ONLY say trans women and that's it? i don't know how to say it any other way than transphobic legislature hurts every single trans person. every single one. masc, femme, both, something else altogether. all of us are affected. what about genderfluid people? what about bigender people? what about transfems who aren't women? what about agender people? what about transneutral people?

trans does not mean "Trans women and trans women only". stop this behavior. we GET it. you wanna LOOK like you care about trans women. we GET that you want to suck up to us for Progressive Brownie Points. like people really think we can't see this shit. people really think that we cannot tell that people are pandering to us just so they can pat themselves on the back for looking like they care about trans rights. we can fucking see that you're doing this to try to get the transfems in your life to think highly of you while you're not actually helping them at all.

i need people to understand that transfems and trans women are aware of how fucking phony this shit sounds, even when it's coming from other transfems and trans women. like we are nowhere near as dumb as y'all think we are. i honestly find it really fucking nasty that people think that trans women are too dumb to tell when people are just sucking up to us to try to make themselves look better. if you ask me, this behavior is just as transmisogynistic as it is transandrophobic, exorsexist and just transphobic in general.

you can't leave out every other single trans person for the sake of trying to gain rights for trans women. it's all of us, or none of us. leaving other trans people out of the discussion will not make trans womens' lives better or easier. we don't want this. stop it.

[samhadjblog2]

O.k with VI and Caitlyn you have an interesting point. However I would still argue that while rooted in their own personal goals. And sure it can be a read that "both cities should come together". However its not an indication that "The cities will come together due to saving the world". Because Vi and Caitlyn coming together is meaningful while how the two cities come together in the end is contrived.

You keep on saying "Silco and Jayce's conversation"Was foreshadowing" and I'm telling its not a We must unite against a common enemy" its "This is a city of progress and we must try to progress forward" and as I've stated before its "One scene" nothing else indicates these thing. And Ambessa being introduced doesn't change that because Arcane was a multifaceted story that didn't have a "Central antagonist" that everyone would rally against. Its like saying "Silco was the central antagonist" because he did awful things. . The same can be said with Ambessa she wasn't there to be "The bad guy everyone rallied against" she was just some who would escalate tension between the two cities. Show's with political conflicts often times introduce new characters late in who aren't there to be someone the characters rally against but instead are there to create more tension.

While Yes the hexcore was dangerous however I would argue that it was there for Viktor's development. Because he was going to go down a dark path. And even then "The Hexcore isn't what caused the apocalypse in the end " it was the anomaly that did it".

The story didn't naturally moved into that direction. The story forced itself into specific direction. A big issue people had with season 2 was that a lot of the character's lack a lot of agency and things just happened to them. Even if you want to argue that "This was always planned" it still doesn't take away the fact that so much of it still falls into what the writers were trying to avoid.

Christian and Amanda are talking about how things that involve "End of the world stakes" are not compelling because they don't tell us anything about the characters. It doesn't matter if this was "The Consequences of the characters actions". It was still the same kind of "War story" that they both talk about not being "Character driven".

Also with that in mind Viktor only tried to end the world because Jayce was too stupid to not just talk it out with Viktor when his commune was fine and he was still connected to his emotions. His "despair of humanity isn't built on anything meaningful"(Just to note that I'm not against Viktor going bad just that how the show executed it was dumb).

Yes the show is called "Arcane" however that never meant that it was "Always going to be the main focus of the story" the focus was the characters and political strife of the city. The way the Arcane was used in the first season was grounded and how the characters utilized were more small and practical. Yes Ekko builds tje Z-drive and Viktor becomes a machine herald. However how they accomplished these things in their original lore was small scale and didn't involve big things like the multiverse. Ekko made it from some scraps and didn't involve multiverse hopping. And the extent of what Viktor did for the Glorious evolution was just go around and healed people, and didn't trying to create a giant hive mind to connect everyone in the world. So while magic was prevalent that didn't mean the focus would be "larger then life ideas". That was the appeal of the series that it was just small piece of a much larger world, and just bringing in things such as "Viktor being the wizard" and "The Anomaly" all just make it feel so much more small and less unique to the rest of "Runeterra". Hell i'm not even saying it was bad that there was a big battle in the end. Just that having the conflict be "Saving the world and we must unite against it" makes everything so nebulous and empty. It also doesn't help that they try to add in all of these big ideas alongside

Also yes this ending was a big ol "Age of Ultron". That film had "philosophical ideas and interpersonal character conflict, however it tries to accomplish this through nebulous end of the world scenario's and big fights, heck it also has the same "Consequences of our actions" sentiment that you keep on mentioning. So its not too different to the finale.

Vi and Jinx already reconciled things before and there fight with Warwick felt so empty (Warwick was just an excuse to get the sisters to talk to each other again without addressing there issues. All he did was "beast out" in one episode, and then things just happen to him and he doesn't get to make any meaningful choices of his own accord and is just reduced to an empty shell). Also we just get another moment where Vi just reacts and breaks down from loosing her sister "Again". (Man Vi was just a punching bag that was tossed back and forth through out the season).

Mel and Caitlyn fight against Ambessa was alright. However doesn't the whole basis of Mel defeating her mom just "Continue the cycle of violence, because she managed to defeat her mom through violence and which leads to ambessa coming and calling her 'The wolf".

Viktor and Jayce's was just really dumb. Having the wizard turn out to be "Future Viktor" make no sense. The only reason the "Glorious evolution" even happens is because "He gave Jayce the stone" in the past so why bother giving him the stone. Also if Jayce knew about Future Viktor why didn't immediately tell Viktor this ? All the events in "The Dark future" only happened because Jayce shot Viktor (No the acceleration rune didn't change anything. If you back to the dark future you see not only "The Noxian fleet", "A mannequin that has the same broken eye as Caitlyn", The same busted clocktower that Ekko busted", and "We see Jayce in the same position as his future counterpart on top of the Hex-gates, The device that could only of been built if Jayce got the acceleration rune" so no the loop doesn't make sense). And all we get is this weird nebulous conclusion where they hug together and just disappear ? That was one big lipped alligator moment.

As for the "Regular people who died". back to my point about "War ending stakes are not interesting". And so Characters like Loris and that one Jinxer dying feel empty. (It doesn't help that Loris was a nothing burger character).

The problem of the "Sevika seat" isn't that it didn't resolved everything. Its that the conflict of Piltover and Zaun was dropped around episode 4. And so we see the story "Ending on the note of Sevika joining the council". It doesn't feel like a meaningful first step that will have some pushback, it rather just feels like a "Cheap way of resolving the conflict". So to people it comes off as it "Did" resolved the conflict (it also feels cheap that this all we get of Sevika in the series after episode 4, I know she was in the final fight as well at Jayce's meeting but it such a brief moment). I just think instead the big final battle that get's the characters together. The final conflict should the inevitable civil war between Piltover and Zaun. And in between that war we see Jayce and Vi try to prevent it from breaking out and we get moments similar to Jayce deal with Silco were they try to reach an agreement. And the finale is more dedicated to the characters understanding how shakey these choices are and are navigating their feelings on the matter. That my friend "Realistic and grounded". Not Big giant battle then one person on the seat.

Yes Arcane was about "The cycle of violence and how the characters break away from it (remember hallucination Silco said it began long before he Vander and will exist long after Jinx and Vi). As well as how the characters "Somewhat" became who they are in LoL. However to say that the show was "Never a story of class conflict is a absolutely not true". Arcane made it clear that the "Cycle of violence originates from the establishment of class hierarchy". We also see how hierarchy influence the characters. And how it drives their motivations. The conflict of the two cities cut both ways the character's influenced the world and the world influenced the characters. To act like that's all the setting was meant to do is just not true.

“What happened to rebel Vi? Season 2 destroyed her character!”

“What happened to rebel Vi” is that Vander took her to the bridge where her parents died in his revolution and asked her what she was willing to lose. Then she meets Cait who is gentle and kind while still being tough and it makes her rethink how she sees topside. When Jinx tells her she changed too, that’s what she’s talking about.

I’m sorry if you thought Vi was going to be a topside-hating revolutionary in Season 2, but that’s clearly not where her character arc was going. Remember how she forced her way between Ekko and Cait? It seemed very straightforward that was the role her character was taking on.

I feel similar about people who act like the show was betraying its premise because it ended with reconciliation/Zaun and Piltover working together. Again, the fact that two of the most important relationships were between characters from both sides and that they made a point of talking about Zaun and Piltover first coming together against a common enemy was a pretty clear indicator that was the plan.

Now, I get being annoyed that that was what they chose to do. You don’t have to love the creative decisions of media, just like media doesn’t have to compromise its creative direction to satisfy you. But not liking that they went that direction is not the same as the show having bad writing or engaging in character assassination.

Everything Vi did in season 2 was very much in character with how she changed and who she became throughout Season 1. Hell, she used enforcers and Hextech to raid Shimmer facilities before Commander Kiramman ever threw on a beret. So, yes, actually wearing the uniform was a huge and complicated decision that she was definitely not happy about, but it also fell in line with what she had been doing.

There’s meat for another post at some point about the three different Zaun/enforcer partnerships we see in the show: Vander/Greyson, Silco/Marcus, and Cait/Vi; but I’m not going to go into that now.

TLDR: “Rebel Vi” who wants to fight all of topside hasn’t existed since the end of the second episode of the show.

Editing to add that Vi doesn’t see attacking Chem Barons as attacking Zaun; she’s taking down the people who are destroying Zaun.

[rainbow-neko-artblog]

What was the biggest disappointment about the chapter in your opinion?

There was a lot of things- things I called from day one and said I would be disappointed with if they did. The list from most disappointing to least. Beware of spoilers:

-Ollie being the prototype: stupid stupid stupid stupid i hate it its such a blatant rip off of the mimic i hate it so fucking much no wonder chapter 4 was buggy to all hell when mob entertainment is stealing all its ideas from steal wool -The Doctor being the first ever straight up EVIL character in Poppy playtime, and yet somehow, the most disappointing. He had no reason to do the things he did- he was just bitter towards Ludwig for removing him from a program for his own good and was an asshole who tried to sabotage his whole company after his death, and continued to do so even when he was turned into a giant super computer. Despite all his boasting about the omni-hand giving him /god mode i feel like mommy long legs did a better job at rigging things against us while the doctor barely makes an attempt. Its like he doesn't even want to live anymore. Hell I'm not even convinced half of what we do to him was necessary- he didn't need the meaty bits to continue talking- so why did he have them anyways? STUPID. STUPID. STUPID. I'm going to shove him into a Tamagotchi. -The omni hand is a copout. why the FUCK does it have a set number of charges- what if an administrator got stuck in a room with no charges left. DUMB. dumb. so dumb. -Poppy getting mad at us for killing doey as if we wanted to, as if we werent all tricked, thats always broken my immersion in games- when characters get mad at you for the plot. It's like- I WOULDNT HAVE CHOSEN TO DO IT MYSELF!!! -It would have been EASY to get Doey back to his senses, because the tape to do so was literally like 3 rooms from where we killed him- and the doctor had given us choices before. so why didn't we get choices to save Doey here? -One of the tapes shows a reflection of our character, revealing that we are infact 100% human- unless there's a toy stuffed into that hazmat suit we got on. -Mob entertainment has a habit of giving us cutouts for characters with absolutely no screentime and it pisses me off. The nightmare critters were obviously a money grab because of the success of the smiling critters, there wasn't a single section that included them that I didn't think could have easily been replaced with the Smiling critters. YET THEY DIDN'T EVEN GIVE US CUTOUTS. I continue to hate the nightmare critters.

THE ONLY GOOD THING that came from this chapter is that people will stop yelling at me about Dogday being Dr. White because they share the same voice actor- because its been officially debunked that Poppy isn't Stella Graybur even though they share a voice actor. Voice actor connections have no sway in which humans end up in which toys in lore, and MAN does that make me feel so vindicated.

[headedstraightforfrankcastle]

Random Vi headcanons

Plot: none, just random thoughts about Vi as your pretty little girlfriend <3

Disclaimer: both SFW and NSFW, not revised (please tell me if there's any mistake so I can fix it), mention of food

A/N: besties, I didn't forget about the smut! It just coming together pretty slowly because I'm working on an exam and all my strenght goes there. But it's coming, so stay tuned 👀

-

SFW:

Vi who always has a little smirk on her face because of the scar in her upper lip - her mouth is costantly slightly ajar and it makes her look as is in an endless state of are, mostly when she's looking at you

Vi who holds your hand as if it were the last safe anchor in a sea full of monsters

Vi who tries to cook for you when you don't feel like doing it by yourself, but she insists you absolutely cannot skip even one single meal

Vi who clearly makes a mess, filling the sink with dirty pots and utensils, struggling to keep up with something harder that a grilled cheese, but who keeps trying and ends up cooking a not-so-bad-but-very-personal version of your favourite dishes

Vi who later gives you the biggest puppy eyes while watching you eat, waiting fo you to tell her if she did good (you end up telling her she did even if it's a lie, because the effort that woman puts in everything she does for you is worth eating even dirt if she put it in a soup for you)

Vi who actually likes cooking with you as you teach her tips and tricks, because the way you do it without being patronising makes her feel important

Vi who insists on watching horror movies with you thinking she's good at hiding the dread

"It's just a movie, babe, no need to get scared", but she's actually the one taking her gaze of the TV when scary stuff happens. It always ends up with her snuggling in your arms saying it is for your comfort (you both know it's a lie)

Vi who loves to absentmindedly play with your hair and who's head over heels when you dye a lock of her same pink

Vi who is so messy in basically everything she does except handling you

Vi who sings in the shower thinking you can't hear her, not knowing you're actually sitting outside the door listening to her

Vi who would teach you some self-defence and love seeing you becoming stronger everyday, but will still be your scary dog privilege

Vi whose first reason to teach you how to fight is to admire you in your workout gear because your body and the way it moves is art to her - but seeing you so powerful when you hit the punching bag and knowing you can do it to whoever tries to hurt you is second place on the list

Vi who always shares drinks with you, so she's sure not to exaggerate with the alcohol and gets to have a constant contact with you at the same time

Vi who doesn't mind getting into little fights because she knows that when she comes home you'll fuss over her like a madman; it always ends up with you doing your best to mend her wounds while sitting on her lap, and she loves it

Vi who can seem like the toughest, meanest, harshest person to the rest of the world - but who, you know, has the biggest heart who she only shows to those she loves, especially you

Vi who is the best of both worlds, both strong and vulnerable, and who melts when you call her your wonder

NSFW:

Vi who likes your marks a little too much: your bites on her thighs and neck, the hickeys you leave both in places where everyone can see then and in hidded spots only she knows about (these are her favourites), the stinging red lines and half-moons of your nails digging onto her skin... the memories of you on her alter her brain chemistry in a way she cannot even describe

Vi who's a massive switch, but who's always at your service, mostly when she's fucking you dumb, be it with her fingers, her tongue or her strap

Vi who was sceptical about taking the strap from you at first, but later realizes how much she loves being at your mercy

Vi who loves making love (she stopped "having sex" with you a long time ago) while listening to a playlist you made with her and your favourite songs, humming the little tunes while she kisses you neck or eat you out, making you crazy

Vi who has you sitting naked on her knees and spends hours worship your body: caresses, kissing, the tip of her fingers tracing your curves, did I mention that you are her favorite work of art?

Vi who is super sensitive, way more than you, and loves taking her time with you before you take your time with her, so you can both finish together, her core rubbing against your until your screams of pleasure mix with hers

Vi who memorizes all your limits and knows you more than you know youreslf, but establishes a safe word anyway, just to be sure

Vi who never runs out of things she wants to do to you and who loves discovering all the nasty little things you want to do to her

Vi, with whom everytime feels like the first time, but who also is the most familiar habit

That's all besties! Hope you liked these little ideas, thank you for reading and have an amazing day <3

[karineverse]

Slides into your ask box once again because i am terribly bored in uni

Throws some confetti Ink with synesthesia !! Specifically the colour ones obviously

I don't remember if this was canon or not, i don't have a screenshot, but Ink being able to distinguish individual taste for his paints. The colour of paints (visual) stimulates his taste and smell, which in turn stimulate his emotions when tasted. Others cannot gain these stimulants from their paint

I like to imagine because of these mixed stimulants he doesn't realise others can't feel what he does until a little later probably by some dumb interaction. He describes emotions and taste using colour descriptions, you know the phrase "why so blue" ? They'd do that in a literal sense. "You're looking a little purple..." "I'm yellow!" < They say to Aster, who has no idea what the fuck they're on about

I have my own little list of what I think the paints taste like and their emotion but I'd love to hear your take on them if you have any!! I like hearing what other Creators think of the idiot

Wait that makes sense, I always liked the idea of him using colors to describe things just like that but I guess I just forgot about synesthesia... Woah

Also you're so awesome, you send asks and illustrate them too like how nice is that

[fandom-rants-here]

I need Mike to confess first. And I need Will to not believe him.

something something...

"Will, I promise you I am not lying. This isn't- this isn't any prank or trick or mischief or whatever you think is going on here. I am telling you that I am in love with you. I always have been."

There are audible tremors in Mike's voice and he thinks he feels tears falling down his face.

"Whatever I had with El was not love. It was coincidence and my own cowardice that brought and held us together. It was dumb luck I met her. But you know who I was looking for that day? It was you, Will. It's always been you. I chose to walk up to you on that playground 10 years ago. I chose to ask you to be my friend. I chose you. "

Even if Mike had the confidence to look towards Will, his eyes were blurred with tears and he couldn't even see the ground they were falling on.

"I'm sorry for what I said at the pizza shop. It was- I was lying. I was just saying what I thought she needed to hear again and I really don't know why cause it never works and you were right there and it fucking hurt to lie so much and you didn't deserve that, you- Will, my life didn't start the day I met El in the woods, not in the way I implied, at least. You were missing, most thought you were dead or would be soon. We were all so hurt and lost without you. Joyce seemed half hysterical, Jonathan- I'd never seen him so sad, and we, The Party, we didn't know what to do without you. I felt like death, like I'd died without you to keep me alive. But then we found El and she- if she could be lost in the woods and found, so could you. And then- then she recognized your photo and she knew who you were and she flipped the board to show you were in the Upside Down and- and meeting El wasn't my life starting. It was hope restarting it, hope that she could get you back to us."

They stood and he wasn't sure if Will was nearly as frozen as he was, but it took him several moments to regain any thoughts and then continue speaking.

"Will, I've known I was in love with you for years, now. But the love has been there far longer. You- you're amazing, Will. You're so smart, even if you suck at math. You capture beauty in ever drawing and painting you make, creating it from sheer care and adoration alone, when you have to. You consider other's thoughts and feelings before you do or say anything, no matter how angry you are. You're such a quick thinker, it's scary sometimes. Not- not really, but you get the idea. You're the most level headed person inside of a group where everyone else is about 10 seconds away from murdering each other. You're patient, gentle, honest, hilarious, and you're also, like, super handsome. I couldn't live without you, without my cleric. I almost didn't. You've saved me more times than you know. Because, Will, you are so strong and so resilient. You've survived and endured more than anyone ever should be forced to yet you remain kind. You called me the heart, in the van. And don't even try to say that's all El, you and I both know that she doesn't think that and that you're a terrible liar. But, really, Will? Me, the heart? Will, that has always been you. You bring together and unite people. You bring out the best in people, even when they're cruel or being assholes or telling you things that aren't meant for you but for themselves. You have always been the heart of this party. You've always been my heart."

The weight of their matching watches is heavy on Mike's wrist, the syncronized ticks breaking the stark silence every second. And, as he finally lifted his head up, Mike once again saw that Will had already been staring.

For once, Mike doesn't look away. Rather, he takes a few hesitant steps closer.

"I love you, Will Byers. You are my best friend, my first friend, my childhood crush, my gay realization, my tether to reality, my cleric, and you have been the most important person in my life since you entered it. Maybe even before. Maybe I had carved out a space knowing one day you'd fill it."

[riftdancing]

Hey...

I know its been a while and I don't usually talk about my IRL on here. I've mentioned briefly in passing that I've been struggling lately and I have every intention of coming back here to continue interacting and posting content.

This is still true.

It is my every intention to resume content soon, but it might be a slow process.

I've been trying to reblog a lot of content but you might notice it doesn't have my usual comments in the tags. That's because I'm just trying to get in the habit of being around this space again and supporting the work I find inspiring. I'm working my way up to leaving comments, but that's a lot of energy from me at the moment.

So I'm starting small.

If you're curious about where I've been, last fall I had a whole bunch of health problems arise that honestly should have put me in the ER (according to my Doctors.) ...But I'm also a stubborn idiot who worked in health care for a few years so I was a dumb ass who didn't go to the ER. ...As a result my current doctor repeatedly stresses at even the most minor inconvenience if I can't get a hold of her now that I should go to the ER because she knows how stubborn I am.

I won't get into what happened or the details of treatment, but I will touch on the fact that as a result of my treatment my hormones went insane for a few months and while my hormones were raging and I was learning to control and understand new felt emotions... the last place on earth I should have been at that time was social media. So I took an extended break, only popping in here and there to deliver on some screenshots.

I'm still kinda... navigating that emotional space, but I also started therapy in November and I've been doing a lot better since with the help of my therapist. So, I'm feeling a bit more socially confident in post.

With some other stuff being resolved, its my plan to get back into the game with this coming patch and live letter. I've really missed being here and in game, and I hope I have a lot to share with you for the rest of the year.

My plan is to slowly start interacting again so I wanted to ask if you could please interact back! I have RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) which can make it hard for me to come back into spaces like this and I sometimes struggle to understand if I'm still accepted in a space. Your interactions help me to understand that I'm welcome and wanted here so any sort of interaction, be it on tumblr, discord, or whatever, is always deeply appreciated.

Lets make 2025 a great year!

[junedenim]

2013

beneath the boardwalk, part 11 (series masterlist)

do i wanna know?

warnings: depression & desperation

word count: 3.7k

I moved in with Jackson at the end of January. It was sudden and maybe too soon, but I liked Jackson and his place. I had known him long enough and slept (plain old sleeping) with him long enough to know I could live with him. I felt I had grown out of my old apartment. I had expanded so much like I had eaten a Wonderland cookie that the windows were bursting, shattering glass onto the street, and cutting into me.

It was a form of self-harm that unfortunately hurt Jackson in the process as well. I felt early on in living together that we weren't perfect matches. We didn't talk very often about unrelated things, only ourselves. My narcissistic tendencies were often inflicted on him, but he did the same to me, something I didn't mind because we rarely saw one another, only at nighttime.

It didn't help that he was still my agent. I shunned myself from writing a memoir again because there were unavoidable subjects that would expose me to him in unkind ways. I began writing short stories, thinking I would make a collection of them. Jackson found the idea to be dumb but was polite enough not to phrase it like that.

I started to think about my death in horrible ways. I was convinced I'd get pushed onto the subway tracks. I started seeing my dead grandmother around New York and thought I had developed schizophrenia. I wrote a story about it and labelled it as fiction. Jackson called it "depressing" and found it to read like a science fiction mess. Both were true and criticism I could take back when he was my agent, but not as my boyfriend.

I told Fennel and Kaka about the problem and they told me to go see a therapist. I didn't until I got so high one night that I was convinced I was going to jump out the window by accident. Dr. Varma was thirty, blonde, and had these ugly side bangs. The day after my first session I had Opal cut bangs, full-frontal ones, into my hair. They turned out rather well for someone who has unstoppable shaky hands. I got put on an SSRI, which stumped my creativity until I got used to it around March.

I thought about moving back to London but only ever told Dr. Varma this because I figured it would hurt every New Yorker I knew. In general, things felt aimless. Winter tends to have that effect on me. It's consuming and feels like my stomach has a parasite on it and my brain is being squashed between someone's hands. I was also 26, anxious, and terrified by the thought that I was suddenly going to be 27 that year.

It feels anti-feminist to say a man made everything make sense, so, I'm not going to say that, but certain people make everything make sense. Even though Alex and I didn't talk much, the thought that he'd be 27 too made things feel less troubling. Things made sense in his mum's car driving in circles. 

I don't mean to discourage the power of my friends in this process. Opal comforted me more than anyone. I was often disillusioned with how the start of the year had turned out, mostly with my relationship with Jackson, and despite her close friendship with him, she was always understanding. She never pushed ideas on me. Never toward breaking up or staying together. She felt like Dr. Varma sometimes, her words pointing me in a certain way, but I never had to pay her for it. I always knew she just wanted the best for me.

One evening, we watched The Sound of Music and I cried in her arms while Christopher Plummer sang Edelweiss. I declared Captain Von Trapp would be my husband. I sounded the same way I did when I was 6 but he sang with a tenderness I love so dearly to this day. I found comfort in childish things. I realized how disconnected I had become from that part of my life, with the people who gave me life, the land I grew up in, and how much of a tailspin every chapter had felt. The most normal I had ever felt had been 10 years ago. It belonged in a world I never knew.

I knew I had to get out of New York.

*

I bought a plant in February. One that doesn't need much attention and can sit on your windowsill for a year at a time and not die. It made the act of having a plant a lot less beautiful but I felt like a proper starting point for taking care of things, including myself.

During this time, Jackson and I were still together. We would break up in April where I would be accused of using him, something I did partially do. For a long time after I felt ashamed of that because Jackson had been a person who had changed my life, brought my happiness, and had a beautiful friendship. Our relationship began out of insecurity of my singledom but was also built on the foundations of those traits.

I did use Jackson, but in the same way everyone uses a relationship to fulfill a part of their life. If I didn't need a use for him then we wouldn't have been together. However, I admittedly did use him as a rebound, something I confessed to him when I started going to therapy.

Jackson and I didn't talk much about anything other than ourselves, so we never got to the topic of what we wanted from a relationship. I never had any intentions of marrying Jackson, not to say he had any with me either, but he took it a lot more seriously than I did. Frankly, I didn't take anything seriously and that was starting to scare me.

I had maintained the difficulties of a romantic relationship with near-consistency from the age of 18 to 25, which is particularly rare in the 21st century, especially two people like Alex and I. I took my work seriously during that time and when the relationship fell apart, almost everything else fell to the side.

The proper levels for taking things seriously I'm not sure of, but for me, I didn't feel like I showed up, other than with Opal and Jackson. The only two other people I was as close with were an older gay couple that fed me once a week. I was dependent on everyone. Opal went through a lot of shit in 2012 that I disappeared away from and took Jackson with me. I knew I did it but I was too ashamed to make a change or even say sorry for it. Yet, she took our friendship seriously and still showed up for me.

I decided that after my birthday I would take a trip to upstate New York. I picked dates I knew Jackson couldn't accompany me and rented a car. I wanted to be alone. When I told Opal this she asked me if I wanted company. I thought I didn't need it but her question made me realize that what I desired most was genuine socialization.

Even though she hates suburbia and hiking, Opal came with me.

We drove for four hours up to Watkins Glenn. Opal drove us the first two hours out of the city and I drove the remaining four to our hotel, The Colonial Inn & Creamery. Creamery meaning it had a built-in ice cream parlour, which saved us from many late-night snack runs.

The State Park, which was the main reason I went, had these gorgeous waterfalls. Since it was early spring and the air held a slight drizzle, the park was fairly empty. We stopped at the gorge, right where the water falls down, not in some rushing force, but just like that drizzle of rain that surrounded us on a work up to it. It was gradual before forming a small lake at our feet. I squatted, dipping my hand in, and patting the cold water on my face.

"Should we take a break here?" I asked Opal, who was standing beside me.

She loudly sighed, "Yes. Please!" She sat beside me and took chapstick out of her purse. "It's very beautiful," she said while placing it on. "Thank you for taking me."

I smiled over at her. She wasn't elegantly dressed, something out-of-the-order for her. She looked tired from the walking and her jeans were dirty at the bottom cuffs. She placed her arms on her legs and I felt calm. "Thanks for coming with me," I said. 

We didn't talk after that. We had talked the whole trail and we had many words left to say but we watched the water drizzle down the stone, not a sound made.

She stood and began taking pictures. She had begun dabbling in photography at the end of last year when her boyfriend bought her a camera. (Is that a gift most boyfriends get their girlfriends?). I took out my notepad, small and dainty, and a gift from Jackson.

I drew the waterfall. It was two circles to signify the gorge with a bunch of lines cracking down the middle. On the next page, I wrote, Eroding for a billion years until, one day, water spilled out, and here I am now looking at it. How many paths were walked until the water found this one? I'm not good a poetry, clearly, but it was a respectable description of what my mind was ticking through. I found it to be dumb, even when writing it, but paired with the awful drawing I had drawn and more importantly the photo Opal took of me sitting on the rocks, just me and the water. All together it embodied a piece of me.

On our way back to the hotel we bought peach Schnapps. We drank it while we flicked through the television. It undeniably felt like two kids who broke into their parents' liquor cabinet. We each sat on our individual queen-sized beds and I turned to Opal across the gorge that divided us and said, "I think you're my sister."

She giggled while swallowing, trying to keep all the fluid in. I could tell she almost said something snarky but she softened by the time she could speak. She was an only child and she said to me, "Yeah. It feels that way for me too."

*

After Jackson and I broke up, I briefly lived with Fennel and Kaka while I tried to figure everything out. I was writing more ever since Watkins Glen and Jackson, through his kindness and belief in me, set me up with a different agent. There was no promise to be friends, but we knew we'd run into one another again, especially because of Opal. We ended amicably and he helped me move out. We hugged each other goodbye and I didn't see him for a while after that.

I heard Arctic Monkeys would be headlining Glastonbury again around this time. The announcement had been made weeks prior but I hadn't paid much attention to any news, let alone my other ex-boyfriend. I sent an email to Alex because we were old losers who still primarily communicated through it. If Alex ever got Facebook I think we would still be communicating on it to this day.

In the email, I apologized for not sending my congratulations sooner and that I was excited about the next album. On the whole, it sounded sterile and formal. It came off as something a person he’s never met would send as congratulations in hopes he’d throw some money their way.

Alex politely wrote back a thank you and then asked if I had suffered a stroke because I used “your” when I should have used “you're.” I wrote back how I was rolling around in embarrassment from the thought of it alone. He wrote back a note of laughter. After that, things were dry and I didn't hear from him until June.

*

When the band headlined Glastonbury that year, I didn't watch. You can't get the BBC stream in America, which was beneficial for my well-being. I had decided to move on and not be so absorbed with him. Something I never really did. He was hard to avoid.

I had thought the moment I moved out of the apartment Alex and I used to share that all old wounds would feel healed. I had thought leaving New York City would dissipate all the aches in my bones. Every absence was fleeting. However, I needed to go somewhere that didn't feel so loud.

I settled in New Lebanon, New York for two weeks. It was cooler than the heated cemented city. The house I stayed in was an old sawmill with a garden and stream nearby. Since I was staying there alone, I only had make-believe to keep me company. It wasn't the healthiest but it made for good writing.

It also forced me to learn how to cook because there were very few places to eat. Alex called me when I was in the middle of making pasta. I had just gotten a new phone (my first iPhone, the 5) and had yet to transfer all the contacts. 

I picked it up and felt like an old lady with my inability to pick up the call. "Hello. Who is this?"

I knew it from the chuckle alone. "We've really fallen out enough that you don't remember my name."

"Oh." I embarrassingly laughed. "Hey, you. I've just gotten a new phone. It's Apple. The new one. I'm feeling very posh right now. I'm cooking dinner."

"You're cooking?" It's like we had skipped thirty chapters. I had broken up with my boyfriend, started therapy, temporarily moved out of New York City, learned to cook, got a new phone, and learned how to do a cartwheel since we last talked. I had yet to register all of it too.

"Yeah. I've got a house too. Well, temporarily. I'm in New Lebanon, New York. It's a writing retreat. A personal one with no other writers."

"That sounds nice. You've always liked seclusion. You've got chickens too?"

"No. It's making me want to get a dog. Or a cat. Or maybe a cow. You'd hate it here."

"Why?"

"It's quiet. You're alone with your thoughts the whole time."

"Yeah. I would hate it." He grew quiet, like he believed I could read his thoughts across the call line. I probably could. Something along the lines of terror and isolation. He wracked through so much and tried to bleed the rest of it out.

I switched. "It's also home to the Shaker movement."

"What's that?"

"It's these Christians that don't have sex so they don't have babies and they've pretty much all died out but three. I've been to the museum here way too many times because there's nothing else to do."

"You thinking of joining?" He posed.

It would make for an interesting experience. If I ever ran out of topics to talk about I might vow to the Shakers in hopes of getting another book out of it. "At this rate, I might as well. Everyone is either married or dying out here." 

"You can't do that,” he insisted. “It would be a loss to humanity."

"Me having sex?" It was crossing a line. He had a girlfriend and was my ex-boyfriend and I was lonely and thinking about taking a lifelong vow of celibacy. 

He avoided. "Where's Jackson?"

I sighed and stirred a fork through the boiling noodles. "We broke up a few months ago. Nothing big. We're going to stay friends and all that." I said it not quite believing it, dripping my words with sarcasm.

He plainly said, "Sorry about that."

"Eh," I voiced, "what can you do? Que sera, sera is my new motto. I'm becoming a housewife to myself."

An ugly snort sounded through the phone. "Are you high?"

I giggled. "No. This is what happens when I'm left alone in nature for too long. I'll be joining a nudist cult soon. What about you and Arielle?" 

"Fine. You know, I'm touring and all that." He didn’t talk about her with me ever, which was the appropriate thing to do, but I took it as a sign that they were like Jackson and me: never seeing one another and on the edge of a breakup. 

"I know," I said. "How's that going?"

"Good. We're having fun."

"I'm liking the new stuff."

He was short and wanted to change the topic quickly. "Thanks." He was evasive. I don't know what that meant about the subject matter of "Do I Wanna Know?" and I won't write who he had in mind when his pen hit paper. But I have written the history here and you can deduce what you want.

"How's your new material?" He asked. I couldn't remember the last time I had sent him any of my writing. Our art had become separated. He didn’t ask for my opinion. I didn’t ask for his. I think that’s when our relationship died. We were so attached through our love of creating and not sharing that with one another was proof that whatever was left was necrosing.

"Fine, I think. Just short stories for now. I don't know what else to write. Nothing much has happened."

He outwardly laughed. "Seems like a lot has happened."

"Maybe. It doesn't feel like it." He was on the outside looking in, but from within, everything played out slowly, and it all went down in an inevitable nature.

"I get it. I'll leave you to dinner."

So, we faded away from one another once again. We were barely a blip on one another's radar. I went back to the city and lived with Fennel and Kaka until I was done "figuring everything out." I wondered why Alex had called me. If it was just to catch up or he had something to tell me. Despite my loneliness and desperation, I never called Alex. He was always the one reaching out.

I submitted the collection of short stories to my new agent and began renting a studio apartment in Downtown Brooklyn. I began writing freelance again to exercise my writing muscle and get the additional paycheck. 

The night AM was released I listened to it and tried my best not to dissect it. My brain imagined who the muse of the songs but when the album finished I went to bed and decided that all it would be to me was an album. It was nothing more than a collection of good songs.

The Monkeys passed through a week later and I got a text from Katie that we should get lunch. I had a meeting with my agent then so she asked if I wanted to go to the show. I liked the idea of it. Of just being able to enjoy the music again, but I knew my presence didn't exhibit that. I went anyway.

I tugged Opal along with me and we went to Webster Hall. We would enjoy the show. I would get drinks with Katie and that would be it.

It was wishful thinking that I didn't even believe in. I enjoyed playing with fire too much for that to be the case. 

I sat on a couch with Opal squished next to me. Alex sat in a chair to my side and we knocked knees with one another. "When I moved I found all those guitar picks that you misplaced," I told him. I held some drink and leaned on the arm of the couch. "They were behind the couch and under the bed. I found one in one of the kitchen drawers."

He plucked a smile and fell further back in his chair. "Yeah, I was never good at keeping track of those."

"I know," I laughed at him. "I lived with you. It was very annoying."

"I probably left that one in the drawer just to annoy you. I did that sometimes."

I crossed my brows and faked a sternness. “You enjoyed pissing me off?”

He took a deep breath and sank back in his chair. “Well…” He didn’t say anything else. Our conversation conjoined with the group’s and we never discussed how much meaning sat in that single word. Well.

As my time apart from Alex grew, I wondered how much of him I truly knew. He had these secrets he buried deep. Those guitar picks were tokens for me to collect. It was his own game he never told me about. He got a kick out of getting a rise out of me in the same way as when he would call me posh just to get an eyeroll. More and more I felt Alex to be a closed book that I only got to experience a few pages of.

The night grew later and we didn’t feel the need to linger. I felt the doors closing. I felt a need for it to be over. When we got on the subway home, I didn’t know when I would see Alex again. I didn’t know if it would be next year or another decade but I knew it wouldn’t be either of us reaching out. We would run in the same circles. Weddings, birthdays, babies, but we wouldn’t share those with one another. We wouldn’t be plus ones and we wouldn’t be giving presents to one another.

We said goodbye with a wave. I felt stupid for going in the first place. There was a feeling I had held onto what could have been for long enough. When I went to bed that night, for the first time in a long time, I didn’t think about Alex. There was no pit. I didn’t do anything wrong. It just wasn’t right. I was comfortable. 

When I spoke with Alex, every word was spoken with a tinge of hesitance. I was holding myself back. I couldn’t live in that awkwardness and I don’t know why I was fighting for so long to be able to do that. I had invaded his territory for nothing but a few words and a drink. I had surrendered now. Happily.

*

a/n: well, sorry for the wait, followed by the shortness, but i suppose the length illustrates the point. the next part will be much longer and much sooner. i'm luckily in the writing spirit (for now). thanks for reading!

[azriaann]

so fairy tail 178........

first of all... I will always HATE the dumbass-ification of natsu's character. og natsu would actually be rolling in his grave listening to the hyq version yap about "needing to be the one to defeat ignia" and feeling threatened because the fire cat wants to go talk to ignia instead??? wdym happy is the voice of reason... of course a part of natsu's character has always been comedic relief and he is supposed to be dumb (to an EXTENT) but it is just so genuinely difficult to enjoy his screen time in hyq... like pls don't make me hate my boy...

I do also wonder how this little fire cat knows about natsu's supposed "power". tbh I haven't paid attention to the manga in a long time because nalu haven't had any screen time but the cat saying that natsu needs to "eat those [special flames] ... [to] awaken [his] power" is certainly interesting. like I'm really trying to not be hopeful here because hyq almost never delivers (💀) but come on... they're FINALLY referencing the first (and only) interesting part of this series (natsu's loss of control over his power in literally like chapter 20 or something LMAO). I don't really understand what "the power to make a prison of flames" means or how it's ... relevant? but they are speaking my language with "...that will burn everything up" (hyq 178.. yes im citing my sources!).

anyways so in ft og, natsu's initial transformation into end is followed by his flashback to Lucy being 'dead', to which he says "nobody can stop me now" (ft 504). the only time we have been shown (supposedly???) demon (?????) natsu in hyq was in chapter 22, which can only be argued based on his appearance and behaviour being the same as it was in ft 504, seeing as his demonic state was never mentioned by any other character after or during chapter 22. obviously the language in the chapters mirrors each other, as he states "I have to burn every single thing... until they all turn to ash" in ch. 22, so this HAS to be leading up to natsu losing it again lol... and the supporting language from 504 (see prev. citation), along with Lucy's position as (somehow) the only person who was scared of natsu's fire in ch. 22 implies that she SHOULD have an imperative role in the finale as the only person who can "stop" natsu should he turn into a demon again (504).

tldr surely this shit is leading up to a nalu + end!natsu finale and im going to be confused if it doesn't!

I also wanna talk about Lucy's new magical role because? what????

I really don't understand Why an entity known as a "dragon god" that has been around for hundreds of years just fuckign doing his own thing would have a key?? that allows some random chick (sorry Lucy xoxo) to summon him whenever??? make it make sense? does this imply that every single dragon god (and even maybe dragon?) would have a key? I feel like this bs is antithetical to the entire purpose of dragons in the series as creatures that have not only ended humankind like 3 times, but also as monsters that humans had to develop special magic to defeat? I don't feel like finding a source for it but like majority of the plot lines of fairy tail revolve around the incredible power of dragons and their unwillingness to bend to human authority (eg. Irene, igneel+co as the exception, zeref+natsu's family's demise, the dragon festival, AND SO ON). why on EARTH would a dragon, let alone a dragon GOD, allow a human to have control over his agency? it makes 0 sense... even if this dude is a good guy.

moving on... I think that it is funny for the writers to have Lucy be a celestial spirit wizard for 700+ chapters and then randomly change her role into a "summoner" in a small, anticlimactic blurb in a chapter that does not even revolve around her (178). regardless of how I feel about that, shouldn't that be a much bigger deal?? shouldn't there be a lot more unpacking of her new power (which I guess isn't really new but still)? this dude says "wizards who have keys and get their powers from gates ... are collectively known as 'summoners'"... which still implies that there are different versions, so like why should Lucy be able to just summon who ever? "collectively" places the term "summoner" as an umbrella term, like I don't understand how that is supposed to just explain that she suddenly is more than a celestial spirit wizard??!! fuckass "im sure you can summon a dragon" like okay. wrap it up. I just feel like this isn't necessary and I can't even understand why they're doing this? bro just like expand on celestial spirit magic instead😭 ffs just have her get the key of Draco or something good lord LIKE THAT WOULD MAKE SO MUCH MORE SENSE. IT WOULD BE UNDERSTANDABLE FOR THAT GUY TO HAVE THAT KEY AND IT WOULD MAKE SENSE FOR HER MAGIC'S PURPOSE😭 sorry guys this series actually pisses me off so bad LMAO...

tldr being able to summon a dragon god is antithetical to the entire existence/purpose of dragons in the series and also having Lucy not "just" be a celestial spirit wizard is dumb as hell because they could've just expanded her magic and/or given her the key of Draco.

wait I feel like I need to say that Lucy is my fav character ever and I love her so much and she is kick ass... the reason why I don't like the random power up is because (in my mind) it undermines the power that she has already worked for herself by giving her this random ability to summon a dragon for no reason instead of expanding on her fundamental talents. like she has the power of the STARS how is it possible that they can't work with that instead of giving her random abilities???? maybe im biased because star power is awesome in my head but STILL

... fuckass yukino is gonna come on screen and immediately be able to summon a dragon too... just watch.......

[chaifootsteps]

https://www.tumblr.com/flower-boi16/773685360298442752/i-find-it-annoying-how-the-fandom-constantly

^ this 100%. a character who hurts people out of ignorance rather than malice is still hurting people

the intention might not be there but the effect is the same.

And also, Stolas' ignorance is plainly the result of privilege. It doesn't make it suddenly OK for him to fetishize Blitzo and abuse his butler if he "just didn't know that was a bad thing to do!"

his entire perspective revolves around fundamentally not seeing imps as autonomous beings but treating them like objects. that he didn't mean to cause harm is immaterial - and to make matters worse, he has no excuse at this point in the show not to know

Blitzo has told him in the strongest terms possible - once yelling at the top of his lungs with tears in his eyes - how Stolas makes him feel. the only way Stolas can still be ignorant that there's a problem is if he's actively denying that he could ever be doing something wrong at this point

and newsflash, fandom - that exact thing happened in the show!! Stolas deadass spent the entirety of episode 9 denying he ever looked down on Blitzo (he did and still does frankly) to the point of guilting him into an apology that Stolas did not deserve

and that's where he crosses the line from ignorance into abuse: when he's told point blank what the issues is and plays dumb because his self-perception will never allow him to view himself as anything other than "the victim"

Absolutely. I'm going to drop one of my favorite literary quotes here, from Black Beauty...

And then I'm going to point out that this doesn't even apply to Stolas, because Stolas is about as unaware of how he makes the people around him feel as I am unaware of my love for pizza. Stolas knows exactly how he makes people like Blitz and Octavia feel because they say it to him repeatedly point blank, and as you pointed out, in some cases literally scream it into his face.

He's not ignorant, he just simply doesn't care.

[wonubby]

fell in luv - itoshi rin

CHAPTER 02: HOMEWORK SUCKS!

SYPNOSIS Rin Itoshi thought life was all about football—until Y/N L/N and their chaotic group of friends proved otherwise. Now, he’s stuck navigating late-night hangouts, dumb arguments, and way too much teasing—all while somehow being hopelessly in love. It’s a story of laughter, love, and Rin just trying (and failing) to keep his cool.

a/n: HI GUYS please ignore the "prankshit" watermark.. im on laptop so making these are pretty hard

written part after all the pics!

< prev masterlist next >

as the door to rin itoshi's room burst open, four teens stood frozen, mouths agape in shock.

there, in the dim light, was rin—shirtless—locked in a kiss with a fully clothed y/n. at the sudden intrusion, the love-struck pair jolted apart, scrambling in a flustered mess to compose themselves.

eita let out an exasperated sigh, crossing his arms. "and what did i fucking say, riya?" he muttered, clearly salty that no one had listened to him.

riya side-eyed the boy beside her. "okay, eita, congrats. you were right this one time and, for once, not thinking with your dick—no one cares." she turned to y/n. "you promised to help me with my homework, which is why we're here. get up."

without hesitation, riya shoved rin off y/n, earning herself a sharp glare from the irritated striker.

"i thought i told you we were busy," rin grumbled, clearly annoyed that their date had been so rudely interrupted.

y/n, ever the peacemaker, gave him a reassuring smile. "it's fine, rin. i really did promise to help her. once we're done, they'll leave, and we can pick up where we left off."

naomi scratched her neck, glancing awkwardly to the side. "about that... your mom insisted we stay over since it's pretty late. we tried to say no, but she wouldn't let up."

a pillow smacked her straight in the face.

"rin, what the fuck!" naomi screamed, ready to lunge at him if she wasn’t being held back.

"deserved," rin muttered.

eita, watching the chaos unfold, grinned from ear to ear. "this is more entertaining than a movie."

"yeah, and we're the ones stuck in the middle of it," riya shot back, clearly unimpressed by the situation. "thanks, rin."

naomi, now fuming, rubbed her cheek where the pillow had hit. "you guys are unbelievable."

"you were the one who knocked on my door," rin retorted, leaning back on the couch.

"right, and you couldn't just act normal for once?" naomi grumbled.

yukimiya kenyu, who had been quietly observing the drama from the corner, finally spoke up, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "this is why i don't do sleepovers. too much drama."

y/n rolled her eyes from where she was sitting, barely looking up. "yeah, because we all love being dragged into this shitshow," she muttered, taking a swig from her drink. "honestly, i just want to go to sleep."

riya shot her a glare but didn't respond.

"well, we're here now, might as well make it fun, right?" kenyu suggested with a grin, flopping down beside y/n.

y/n shot him a deadpan look. "fun? really? because this feels more like a disaster waiting to happen."

"you're such a buzzkill," eita laughed.

"i'm just being honest," y/n shrugged, clearly uninterested in the idea of any fun.

"so... not even a little fun?" naomi pushed, trying to lighten the mood.

y/n raised an eyebrow. "fun for you guys, maybe."

"oh, come on, y/n," eita whined, nudging her with his elbow. "you gotta admit, this is pretty hilarious."

"i'll admit that you are pretty annoying," y/n shot back, not missing a beat. "but hey, that's nothing new."

riya, now sitting cross-legged on the floor, rolled her eyes. "please don’t start with your crap, y/n. we already have enough chaos without you adding to it."

"chaos?" y/n snorted, raising her glass. "this is a disaster. i don’t know what you’re all on about."

"it's fun in its own way," yukimiya said, finally showing a hint of amusement. "no one's getting hurt. just... loudly inconvenienced."

rin, who had been watching the back-and-forth with mild annoyance, groaned. "i'm literally right here, and you're all treating this like some kind of sitcom."

"you're just mad 'cause we ruined your romantic evening," eita teased, flashing him a smirk. "shoulda locked the door, man."

"next time, maybe i will," rin muttered, sinking back into the couch.

y/n, still leaning back and sipping her drink, shot a look at riya. "so, homework? wanna get it over with so i can leave and pretend this nightmare never happened?"

riya nodded quickly, relief spreading across her face. "finally! thank you!"

the group had somehow made it through the night without any more major drama—though the tension still lingered in the air. the homework was finished (with plenty of y/n’s sarcastic commentary along the way), and now everyone was scattered around the room, occupying the floor or leaning against the walls.

y/n, sprawled out on rin's bed, shot a glance at him, who had finally relaxed. "well, that wasn’t so bad. you can go back to sulking now."

rin raised an eyebrow but said nothing, the faintest smirk tugging at his lips.

otoya, leaning against the wall, grinned. "i think we've survived the worst of it. unless rin decides to start throwing stuff again."

"i could. don’t tempt me," rin muttered, his eyes half-closed as he joined y/n on the bed.

naomi, sitting on the floor near the door, raised her head from her phone with a sigh. "so, is this how it’s gonna be now? just... awkward silence until someone explodes?" she asked, her tone dripping with sarcasm. "because i’m already over this whole 'sleepover' vibe."

"you think we’re gonna explode? i think we’re already there," eita said, his voice dry as he kicked his feet up onto a nearby chair. "too many personalities in one room."

"you can always leave, naomi," yukimiya added lazily, glancing up from his phone, a bored look on his face. "not like you’re forced to stay."

naomi shot him a side-eye. "i tried to leave earlier, but someone’s mom insisted we stay over." she shot a look at rin, who only shrugged in response.

y/n let out a loud groan, slumping further into the bed. "this night is like a car crash that just keeps going. i can’t wait for it to end."

"tell me about it," naomi muttered, leaning back against the doorframe. "who knew spending time with you guys would be worse than studying for finals?"

rin sighed. "so this is how it’s gonna be, huh? a bunch of loud idiots trying to make something out of nothing." he shot a glance at y/n. "i mean, i’d prefer some peace too, but this isn’t really the vibe i was expecting."

"well, we’re here now, so suck it up," y/n shot back, not bothering to sit up.

naomi looked at rin, then at y/n, and shook her head. "you two are impossible. you know that, right?"

"impossible?" rin smirked. "you guys were the ones who walked in here uninvited. i wasn’t expecting anything but chaos."

"no kidding," eita chimed in, kicking back in the corner. "next time, let’s not follow y/n’s ‘invite,’ huh?"

yukimiya, who had been unusually quiet, finally spoke up, his voice bored but tinged with amusement. "honestly, i’m just waiting for someone to do something interesting. this is too much talking, not enough action."

otoya snickered. "you’re just waiting for a pillow fight, aren’t you?"

y/n snorted from the bed. "if anyone starts a pillow fight, i’m out. i’m not that desperate for entertainment."

"and there’s the real y/n," riya muttered with a roll of her eyes. "always a pain in the ass."

"thank you, i try," y/n replied sarcastically, finally propping herself up on one elbow.

rin gave her a smirk, clearly used to her attitude. "you really know how to kill the mood, huh?"

"someone’s got to do it," she muttered, smirking back at him. "besides, this whole ‘sleepover’ thing was never my idea of fun."

rin leaned closer, his voice softer, more affectionate. "but you’re stuck with me now."

y/n met his gaze, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "guess i’ll survive," she replied, her tone a mix of sarcasm and something a little sweeter.

rin’s smirk softened into a real smile as he nudged her gently. "you say that now, but i think you’re secretly enjoying it."

y/n rolled her eyes but leaned into him, her head resting on his shoulder as the room fell back into a quiet, comfortable lull. despite the chaos, this was somehow the most peaceful moment of the night.

taglist: @levihanmyotp @x3nafix @@yourlocaleffy