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rotisserory · 2 months ago

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Aventurine Is BPD Coded- Some Thoughts

Ahhh welcome back everybody to another installment of 'Rory writes a ridiculously long essay nobody asked for to shine light on characters who exhibit symptoms of borderline personality disorder so that we can learn to recognize symptoms portrayed in media that aren't just 'crazy manipulative abusive ex' and start to treat the disorder with a shred of compassion' !!

A good chunk of you follow me because of my essay I wrote on Reo Mikage from Blue Lock, my beautiful borderline princess, and I am PLEASED to announce that my essay is now the first result when you search 'Reo Mikage BPD' on Google, AND he has since been added to the BPD character database !! Saving the world one baddie at a time, no need to thank me B)

Today, I want to write something out that I've been dying to share. I think Aventurine can be read as a BPD coded character, and I think he would be able to cop a diagnosis should he go see a therapist (which we all know he CLEARLY has not done). I've been puttering around posting this because I've been spending so long on a full, all encompassing analysis of this sick blonde man, but I want to take a quick break and kick my feet over BPD Aventurine, so I invite you to come kick your feet with me!

Some context before I start:

1.) Borderline representation is extremely important to me. I've got the BPD / CPTSD combo meal, so I'm having TWICE the fun !! But seriously though, it's not easy being viewed as crazy and 'bad' all the time. Trauma disorders are rough enough as it is just to live with / overcome, but it's worse when there are books, forums, blogs, shows, ect. dedicated to hating you and talking about how evil you are. So, I get really excited when I spy BPD-coded characters (especially if they're likable people and not just ghoulish irredeemable villains or manic pixie dream girl characters). Fans, characters, and even Aventurine himself refer to him as 'crazy' 'insane' 'unstable' which only further rang my BPD bells because he's not crazy; he's just traumatized!

2.) I’m not a psych, so I obviously can’t diagnose real people, and don’t use any of this to diagnose yourself (I don't need the scandal!) I do, however, have a masters degree in English and structured the basis of my education and published my thesis on mental health, cluster B personality disorders specifically, so I read and research a LOT. I’m confident enough in my knowledge to diagnose anime characters (lol).

3.) If you're somebody who has a weird hangup about borderlines, feel free to either not read this, or do read it and soak up some useful information! Regardless, I know Aventurine fans can have some really wild takes (/neg) , so believe what you want at the end of the day! This is just my interpretation of what's festering in that sad brain of his. You can disagree all you want to, but what we're not going to do is spread hateful stereotypes or perpetuate negative stigmas about BPD! That's cornball behavior and I will call you out for it ^-^

CW for discussion of death, suicide, self injury, and identity disturbances

Anyways, if you ask me, Aventurine has a case of Beautiful Princess Disorder, and I'd like to explain why <3 So, buckle up! This will be another long one.

First, let me define BPD: it's a personality disorder characterized by a long-standing pattern of instability in mood, interpersonal relationships, and self-image. Though it's coined as a 'personality disorder', I urge you to look at it as a trauma disorder. People most often develop it when they are repeatedly traumatized during their formative years. It actually overlaps a TON with complex post traumatic stress disorder, which is why a lot of us baddies end up with both! (On that note, you could definitely view Aventurine as CPTSD-coded as well! I'm a stinky kinnie so I'll just say he's both <3) I won't preach too much on why it's so necessary to treat borderline as a traumatic stress disorder (since hopefully I'll be focusing my own personal academic research on that and I could yap for HOURS about it lol).

But when we look at BPD properly, it's evident that the basis of this disorder is that these people didn't have the opportunity to learn and foster proper emotional reactions. Because of the recurring traumatic events, sections of borderline's brains are underdeveloped as a result. They have a smaller amygdala and they have reduced volume in the prefrontal cortex, as well as other differences in brain development. I've heard it described as 'you were forced to learn some behaviors that helped you survive at one point in your life (for example, maybe fervent efforts to avoid abandonment, unstable emotional reactions, self harming tendencies, lying, mirroring, etc.,) but now you need to unlearn them, because they’re no longer helping you.' They're trauma responses.

Aventurine shows us a perfect example of the kind of shit that would make someone develop BPD: dude grew up in extreme poverty, was constantly told he was special and he was supposed to bring good luck, watched his entire family and race die in front of him when he was literally still just a kid, was kidnapped and sold into slavery, was forced to murder roughly 34 people while everybody watched him like it was a game, probably went through several other fucked up things while he was enslaved, and then killed his slave owner and was promptly sentenced to death for it. That's...a whole lot of ridiculous trauma that would severely impact somebody's ability to mentally grow and develop correctly. The bulk of his childhood/adolescence was spent with no safety, no security, overwhelming guilt, constant fight or flight reactions, learning how to take on other personas to avoid violence or mistreatment – you get the point. He did not have a normal life and it is absolutely probable that he would develop a trauma disorder from the shit he's been through.

So then, what behaviors/signs does somebody need to exhibit to receive a Borderline diagnosis? The 9 diagnostic criteria for BPD are as follows:

1. Fear of abandonment

2. Unstable or changing relationships

3. Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

4. Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors

5. Suicidal behavior or self-injury

6. Varied or random mood swings

7. Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

8. Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

9. Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

As with my last post, I'm going to organize this based on the 5 immediate traits I think Aventurine exhibits most (you only need 5 out of 9 to receive a diagnosis, so let me cut to the chase and stop wasting your time w my yapping).

Fear of Abandonment:

Aventurine has a habit of wanting relationships and then pushing them away once they get too close. He also clearly has trauma associated with losing people prematurely.

First of all, let's look at Aventurine's tendency to view relationships as transactional. With the expectation that a friendship, partnership – whatever – is mutually beneficial, that generally implies both parties will leave satisfied once the 'transaction' is complete. That’s his parting line in the game, actually! “Satisfied with our transaction, I trust?”

That being said, he's already prepared for people to leave when they're done getting what they want from him. In one trailer (and the game) he refers to himself as "another cog in the machine known as the strategic investment department" and then says, "Your humble servant aventurine at your disposal [...] I can also play the role of ‘friend’ – if needed; Go ahead, use me as you wish, even stab me in the back if you see fit."

This is a very strange thing to say upon first meeting someone LMAO. He's speaking of himself like he's an object, rather than a person. Before the other party even says anything, he's basically saying 'hey btw if you end up disappointing me in some way, i'm already prepared for it!' Establishing relationships with the assumption that the other person will betray you/abandon you/hurt you in some way? Borderline behavior. God forbid somebody does try to break down one of these walls, we'll see Aventurine's second habit to avoid abandonment: pushing people away.

Something people don't necessarily consider is that ‘efforts to avoid abandonment’ doesn't always mean the person is on their knees begging you to not to leave them. It can manifest as someone being very flighty and purposefully cutting ties randomly/pushing people away from them so that nobody is able to abandon them. If you leave first, they can’t leave you, right? This is a very common behavior for borderlines to avoid the pain that comes with being abandoned.

The most notable moment of this, in my opinion, is when Aventurine tries to gaslight himself into thinking that Ratio really did stab him in the back during their ploy against Sunday. As we know, their fighting, bickering, and Ratio's 'betrayal' were all part of Aventurine's plan. When they leave Sunday's office, Ratio immediately asks if he's okay and if he needs help, and Aventurine is very dismissive/a little rude in his response. Ratio is confused because Aventurine is talking as if he wasn't the one who MADE this plan and TOLD Ratio what to do:

Aventurine is basically saying, "Hey babe this is not in the script we talked about! Let's stay on track, remember? You hate me, you betrayed me, and now you're leaving me!" And Ratio is like "Yeah okay but are you good? Because you don't seem good,” but Aventurine's heels are so far in the dirt at this point that he is NOT budging at all. When he's in the Trauma Maze, Future Aventurine grills him on this moment:

I get why this part confused some people; why would Aventurine think this when the plan was his idea in the first place? Because, he subconsciously doesn't want to get too attached to the idea that Ratio might ACTUALLY care about him or want to help him. He's forcing himself to think "no, that's not what he was doing, he was planning on actually ratting me out all along, he was only asking about my wellbeing to get in my head."

However, I think it's evident that Aventurine wants relationships/attention just as much as everybody else does, he just won't let himself have it. To further this idea, I think the lyrics to White Night (the Penacony trailer theme song) are worth looking at (these specifically):

I don't wanna be alone tonightOh, lead me with your altered signThere's no one else left for me to loseHeadin' to the other side, other side

I don't wanna be alone tonightI'll bring you to my best disguise'Cause you don't need, don't need to know the truthLet me rave forever in your life

The song is obviously about Aventurine when you look at the lyrics, but these lines in particular just further my point that this man does NOT like the fact that he's alone. He wants relationships, he wants closeness, but he rejects it at the same time out of fear that he might lose somebody prematurely again and doesn't want to experience being abandoned or being rejected for his personality (his real one or his fake one), which leads me to...

Unstable Self-Image; Struggles With Identity or Sense of Self:

The shift from Kakavasha to Aventurine screwed this guy up REAL bad. A MASSIVE part of Aventurine's character, in my opinion, is his struggle with his identity/sense of self. I mean, he literally had to kill off who he used to be in order to live how he's living now, and he didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Jade sums it up pretty well when Aventurine is sat before her on trial:

Aventurine joining the IPC comes with the price of...well, becoming 'Aventurine'. Since I'm clocking him with a BPD diagnosis, the identity disturbance would have probably happened before this moment, and I think it did. I'll bet it started festering after that first massive traumatic event where he watched his family die and tried to rationalize how that was possible with his 'good luck' (since that was really the only consistent idea he had about himself), and it probably only got worse when he became fixated on the fact that whoever tf he is, he's only worth 60 copper coins (did the math – that's about $3). That's gotta cause some massive identity issues. He's coined as this ‘good luck charm’, this ‘blessed child’, a ‘beacon of hope for the Avgins’, and somehow, he ended up in the absolute worst situation possible while simultaneously dooming all of the Avgins (obviously not his fault, but he thinks it's his fault).

When Jade tells him to pick a new identity, ironically he picks one that is everything he probably grew to hate after his childhood/adolescence.

Associating with the wealthy? The rich were the people who paid to brand him and enslave him. The IPC? Promised to help the Avgins but disappeared when the Katicans invaded, then came back and kidnapped him to sell him as a slave. Now he's both wealthy and a part of the IPC, and you have to wonder how he truly feels about it. We'll look into that more later. Regardless, he's not really 'free' now, even if he isn't technically owned by a master anymore. He's chained to the IPC because this is life now; this is his identity. Where else would he even go? What else would he do? (Die, perhaps?) It's not like he can go home, or go live a peaceful life out on the countryside somewhere. He made 'Aventurine' his entire life and his entire personality. On that note, I really like this quote from his third character story:

“The aventurine, that symbol of power and of the future, is about to be officially handed to him — Yet it would have no more allure or value in his eyes as soon he obtains it, even though he had sought it by putting his life on the line.

He returns to his office in a daze. The aventurine stone emits a peculiar glow on his desk, seemingly congratulating and mocking him at the same time."Was luck truly on your side when you wrestled with fate?"”

Did he really luck out with this one? Comparatively, of course, this is better than his life as a slave, but he essentially just traded his rusted chains for golden ones. Becoming Aventurine might wind up bringing him a lot more pain than it was worth.

Also, the outfit he chose? Covered in gold, fur, and jewels, all materials that somebody who knows nothing about being rich would assume rich people wear in excess. It's evident in his tacky taste (sorry honey I love you so much but the hat is just crazy work you look like a pimp) that he doesn't know anything about how to dress himself. And I bully him for being tacky but it makes sense! He dresses exactly how you'd think an out-of-touch billionaire would dress. Back to his sense of identity: it's very important to establish that Aventurine feels guilty about taking on this persona! That's all 'Aventurine' is: a persona. If he were to die tomorrow, the IPC would dust off that stone and give it to another bozo who would end up being the next 'Aventurine'.

While he didn't initially develop this personality subconsciously and it was a 'choice' to start playing this role (not that he had a plethora of alternative options), the perpetuation is damaging him mentally. He does a good job of keeping up the act, obviously. This theme that his entire personality is just one big act is overarching through the entire Penacony quest, but there's one moment in particular I really liked: when Sparkle is being a jerk and he has this offhand comment about how he's so frivolous, vain, and flashy, and how he'd hate to live anywhere where it rained since his outfit is too expensive to get wet.

Then, we have this interaction in the maze: Future Aventurine brings up the memory of him and his big sister playing dead, floating in bloody water to avoid being killed by the Katicans when they attacked. He mentions that it was his father's shirt, the last one his father left behind before dying, and that it was ruined. Aventurine says it wasn't ruined, and he's always kept it. (I wonder if that's the shirt he wore during his time enslaved?) Future Aventurine grills him and asks ‘why keep it? This new person that you are would never wear something so dirty and old. 'Aventurine' wouldn't want that old rag, it's not worth any money. 'Aventurine' would never splash around in murky water like that; he wouldn't need to.’ Nobody is hunting him, now he's the hunter. Future Aventurine makes the snide comment that he bets Aventurine wouldn't even dare to go outside in the rain, let alone do any of the things Kakavasha had to do, since he's so much more elite now. Aventurine, clearly hurt by the implication, says that even after all this time, he's never changed.

Of course, he hasn't. Deep down, no matter how much he tries to trick himself and everybody around him, he's still the same scared, traumatized boy he always has been. His future self chastises him for having an inferiority complex and mentions that with every gamble he makes, he has his left hand shaking in fear behind his back.

But the constant pull to push Kakavasha down and keep up this act that 'Aventurine' is the real him obviously perpetuated the identity disturbance in him and made it a hundred times worse, to the point where (as Future Aventurine points out) the hole he's dug is basically impossible to climb out of.

Because of this, I interpret Aventurine to constantly be struggling with his identity, not knowing who really exists under all the masks he wears, not knowing if he or anybody around him will ever figure it out. I imagine he feels very empty and unfulfilled, since as I mentioned in the abandonment section, he doesn't want to be alone. But the higher he climbs on the social ladder, the further he can separate himself from other people. This is a classic issue borderlines face. We masquerade as something we think the people around us will like, someone WE might like, but it always ends up leaving us feeling more empty than before.

(This is just an added bonus to chew on, but I got stuck on this line when I played through Penacony:)

Do you think once he became Aventurine and got the money and the resources, he researched toys that normal kids play with? Fancy ones like building blocks, stuff that he would have never been exposed to as a kid? Obviously baby Kakavasha would not know wtf building toys looked like, and I'm sure teenage Kakavasha didn't have the opportunity to browse toy catalogs. But, he recognizes the toy even though he says he's never played with them before. Maybe he considered buying it but decided against it, since it doesn't fit his new persona. Kakavasha doesn't exist anymore, so there's no reason to nurture that part of him. Anyways, just wanted to hurt y'all a bit more. Speaking of hurting ourselves:

Impulsive or Self-Damaging Behaviors + Suicidal Behavior or Self Injury:

I'm combining these two because my points kept blending together, so bear with me lol.

Aventurine is known for being incredibly reckless and putting himself in the path of danger over and over again. When discussing how he tricked Sunday with the Cornerstones, Future Aventurine asks:

I want to exaggerate how crazy it is (i can say that i'm also a bpd baddie) that he smashed his Cornerstone. I don't think a Stoneheart has ever done that before. Their stone is what makes them a Stoneheart. Ratio mentions that without it, Aventurine would be back to being nobody. Remember: that's what makes him Aventurine. You know, the persona that required him to kill off his former identity? Their Cornerstones are more important than the Stonehearts’ lives, as stated multiple times. But that's just it: Aventurine doesn't GAF about his life. He doesn't mind putting his life on the line to pull off his plan because he has that deep-rooted desire to punish himself for everything he thinks was his fault. He gets called out for gambling with his life multiple times during Penacony, and while most of the time it's reduced to him just being crazy (cough, bpd) or just having a severe gambling problem. Extremely hot take, but I think he gambles literally as another way to hurt himself. I mean, look at what he says when you ask about his hobbies:

"There's no denying it, my fascination is with the game of chance... be it the exhilarating rush of triumph or the extensive emptiness that follows, both are worth savoring, time and time again."

Being impulsive and risky, betting his life over and over – it makes him feel alive. He knows the end result will hurt, that he'll have to face that 'extensive emptiness' and the extreme guilt he feels regarding his continued good luck, but he does it anyway.

Speaking of betting, his bets are always 'all or nothing', seemingly every time. Future Aventurine calls him out on always risking everything with every gamble, asking:

"Do you truly believe the greater the risk, the greater the reward?"

Or...do you just not care what happens to you? He doesn't need to risk a lot; he's never lost. He could bet the lowest amount and still win every time, and make a lot of money depending on what everybody else bet. In fact, that would actually be a better strategy in gambling (poker/black jack specifically), because it would insinuate that he's not very confident with his hand and prompt the other players to bet higher, assuming that they'll beat him.

I imagine he gets a shred of dopamine betting everything he has knowing that he'll probably win, but hey, who knows? Then after winning and multiplying everything he has, I imagine that 'extensive emptiness' that he refers to is the feeling of 'oh good, more money. More status. More success. A reminder that no matter what I do, I'm stuck here in this role forever.'

For some reason, he also thinks that taking risks makes him appear more confident and secure. He makes a show of always keeping up the big bets and he boasts about how successful he is, while clutching his hand behind his back thinking 'oh god, is this it? will I finally lose this time?' He brings this up when he's speaking with himself and he says, 'How could a weak person take such daring risks?"

Oh, the delicious irony.

That raises the question, though: if he wants to die so badly, why hasn't he yet? It's not like he had an easy life. He fought very hard to stay alive, so why does he act so recklessly now?

I think at his core, he's scared. Dying is scary. His family is there in the afterlife; would they be disappointed in the person he’s become? At the same time, being alive is exhausting. The constant emotional pain this guy probably deals with every day? It's gotta be heavy.

His behaviors around suicide remind of a classic passively suicidal person with BPD: maybe they don't necessarily want to die, but they're tired. They don't have an active plan, but If something is going to kill them, they're not going to move out of the way.

So, carrying out his Penacony plan makes sense. Of course he’s not completely sure what will happen when Acheron kills him, but because he doesn’t have anything to live for, he’s fine gambling with his life. He makes a show of finally throwing out every last chip, too, no longer clutching them under the table in fear. He was fine with smashing the Aventurine stone because it's not like he was planning on using it after his final show; the little bit of power it had left in it was more than enough.

That being said, we do have to address this little number:

Aventurine attempted several times in Penacony, he admits it flat out. The writers even went sofar as to bold this line specifically! I think this does also go hand-in-hand with him being passively suicidal, since he's pretty sure he'll live when he attempts in the dream, but he's gonna try it SEVERAL times just to be sure. Mentally healthy people wouldn't try it... once, Aventurine!

As if we needed more evidence that Aventurine constantly puts himself in danger, you know I HAVE to mention...the light cone:

n case you haven't read the description for this light cone, let me share it with you:

"You don't believe me?"He (Aventurine) provocatively looks at the man (Ratio) before him, then draws out a revolver, empties its cylinder, and leaves a single shot in the chamber.

"Seems like I'll need to get you up to speed on how I do things if our cooperation were to remain amicable."He pushes the gun into his opponent's hand, spins the cylinder, and points the barrel to his own chest.

He pulls the trigger repeatedly, and the smile on his face remains the same after three empty clicks."Life is a grand gamble, and I'll always be the final victor."

Now what the HELL is this? Mind you, this is the first time Ratio has met this man!!! Imagine you meet your new mission partner for the first time and he puts a revolver in your hand and fires it thrice, then leaves. WHO does that? (...a baddie, perhaps!)

I don't think it's a secret to anybody who has spent a reasonable amount of time around Aventurine that there's something off about him, and that there's a really deep sadness running through him. There's some instances where other characters mention his passive desire to die – A few quick examples I can think of:

The instance in Story IV with Opal:

"Maybe luck won't be on your side this time, and the bill for all your past good fortune will come due [...] But isn't that what you've been longing for?"

Opal implies Aventurine wants to fail on Penacony, which, as we've discussed, is an accurate assumption. Jade says something similar after Aventurine's stunt: when Topaz says the light in his stone went out, Jade replies by saying "he got what he wanted."

Also, I’d like to point out that Ratio must have been anticipating that Aventurine would do something rash, since he wrote that note (doctor's advice) long before he started grilling him after the meeting with Sunday.

It's also worth noting the nod to T.S Eliot's "The Waste Land" (a very long poem about life and death). You get the achievement Sibyl, What Do You Want? after playing through the past of Kakavasha's life, and once you defeat boss Aventurine, you get the achievement She Replied, I Want to Die. I don't think that one needs an explanation, but boy does it hurt! (There's other, smaller nods to him being suicidal, like the Waiting for Godot achievement – Google the story if you're unfamiliar. Not as relevant, but I must mention it bc it makes my english major brain go brrrrr)

Also, overspending/gambling/being loose with money is a very common vice for borderlines to indulge in and harm themselves with. It's also implied that he drinks a decent amount. I counted 6 bottles of SoulGlad in his hotel room just from the angles I could see, and he's shown to be passed out at the bar when Ratio goes to get him before they go on their little date-I mean, mission. Aventurine says 'he must have drank too much', and whether or not that was true is irrelevant since it was a believable enough claim that Ratio bought it.

Borderlines are (usually) self-destructive in some capacity, and while some very annoying people assume it's for attention, it's so much more common for it to be because our inner emotions are just so out of whack. Sometimes, matching the inner pain with outer pain is a way to cope. They might also do it to try and combat-

Constant Feelings of Worthlessness or Sadness:

Probably the most nagging, prevalent feeling Aventurine deals with is the constant feeling of worthlessness. One thing about this man? He hates himself. Like, really hates himself. Take a look at the missions during his maze in Penacony. This one is one of my favorites:

It doesn't get much more on-the-nose than him calling himself a selfish, useless loser. He gets stuck on that word, in particular. Loser.

Aventurine, at his core, views himself as a massive loser. Is that ironic because of how much he wins? Not really. Money and materials are just part of the Aventurine persona. He's 'rich' in stuff, but he's not rich in what he actually wants. I think it's obvious that if he had the option to quadruple his wealth or see his sister again just one more time, we all know what he'd be picking.

The only thing he wants is connection – connection with his mother, his father, his sister, anybody at this point – but he can't have it. His family has been dead for a long while, and as I discussed before, his fear of abandonment and his luck scare him away from forming any other relationships.

This luck, this destiny to be blessed, leads him to reflect on his life a lot and wonder what the hell the point is. He treats himself like some sort of walking curse, because he's convinced that his luck is bound to hurt other people. Every time he wins, somebody else loses. The luck that keeps him safe destroys everybody else around him. As Future Aventurine puts it:

His luck is "built on the pain of someone" else. This perpetuates the constant feeling of guilt, which in turn, makes him feel worthless. Why is it him that's spared every time?

Then, right before you start his boss fight, Aventurine says,

"The architect's flawed stone, of no value at all."

Some people speculate he's talking to the MC when he says this, but I can't help but assume that he's referring to himself. Even if it was directed at the MC, so much of what Aventurine says in his bluffs and boasts are just digs at himself. He's sort of an expert at hating himself, and what do people who hate themselves do if not project? Especially when you consider the fact that aventurine is actually a really cheap, undesired stone. It's like $3 a caret and mostly only used to rip people off and pose as jade. I really don't think it's a coincidence that his character is based around a stone that is, essentially, worthless.

The way that Aventurine is also prone to giving people ridiculous amounts of money/gifts can be read as a frantic effort to keep relationships going and prevent people from leaving him (relating to my points on both his feelings of worthless and his fear of abandonment). He has a skewed view on relationships, since the only value that's ever been associated with him is monetary value and that of his 'luck', which in every context is spoken of as an asset to benefit people he cares about. His sister told him that his luck was 'the most precious wealth' of the Avgins and Jade sees him as an investment that can bring her more wealth because of his luck, but he views it as a massive burden that ends up wrecking everybody around him. So how does he prove to other people that someone as worthless as him should be allowed a seat at the table? Deep down, he thinks that he's still worth 60 red copper pieces, and he's desperate to show other people that he's worth more than that now – even though he doesn't believe it at his core. With all the money he wins now, he can throw it at people and say 'look, look how much money I'm worth now, you want me around because I can buy you anything you want, that's a useful quality in a friend!'

(I did use the 'seat at the table line' as a nod to what his slave master said to him when they were discussing his worth: "Don't forget your place, slave. You're not qualified to be at the table." Which is, painfully, what Aventurine says when you open up chests! He scoffs and says that "it's hardly enough for a seat at the table." :’) )

There is also, of course, Aventurine's overarching struggle with finding purpose in his life. We see a lot of his existentialism during his trauma maze, but at the end of his trauma maze, Future Aventurine finally stops ripping Aventurine a new one and is vulnerable for a second, saying he doesn't understand what he's ever done wrong to have suffered as much as he has.

Then, when he's in the Nihility and he's speaking to Acheron, making the decision on whether or not he even wants to keep going, he asks her:

As I said, he has this conversation with himself in the maze as well, but here he's actually being vulnerable and speaking to somebody else about it: what's the point in being alive if we're just born to suffer? If nothing else, this solidifies the emotional struggle that Aventurine is constantly having. I also think it furthers the idea that he has this nagging sort of emptiness inside of him which is another BPD trait: the feeling that you're empty at your core, and you're constantly trying to fill it with things (friends, money, substances, whatever) but nothing ever works. You worry if anything will ever make you feel 'whole' again, and pair with the the identity disturbance? You're left with a constant feeling of despair.

Other Points:

These are a few other random thoughts I have, inspired by in-game moments but I'm taking them for my own evil fiendish BPD narrative. Take them with a grain of salt.

I think the stigma he gets around 'being crazy' is really BPD-coded. Separate from the ridiculous discrimination he gets for being an Avgin where people assume he's a liar and wolf in sheep's clothing (which can this man catch a SINGLE break jfc), he also has this reputation of being crazy, insane, manipulative, cunning, and someone you want to avoid, which is more rooted in his reckless gambling habit and status with the IPC. Living with this reputation of being insane and unstable for...lowkey no reason at all? Very BPD coded. I think Aventurine leans into that stigma to keep people a certain distance away, but it also just ends up making him hate himself even more.

Also, his entire mantra is "all or nothing", which always rang my BPD bells as well. There's not a lot of gray area with him, which is a key trait in borderlines as we often display very black-and-white thought patterns.

In Conclusion:

I think Aventurine is a borderline princess <3

No but actually though, Aventurine is extremely smart, witty, funny, generous, and very kind-hearted, and he also happens to have a lot of BPD symptoms :^) I don't think it does any harm to view him as BPD-coded; in fact, I think it's great to associate positive, fan-favorite characters like this with BPD because it helps to humanize us. Borderlines are not violent, crazy maniacs, they're people who have been severely traumatized and developed some unhealthy habits because of it. They deserve love, respect, understanding, and communication, just as everybody else does.

If you actually made it this far, thank you for reading! I hope I was able to shed some light on Aventurine and his Symptoms. And, as I do in all of my BPD posts, here’s your reminder to kiss the borderline baddies in your life and tell them they’re important to you :^) Living with BPD is exhausting and I know I speak for all of us when I say that. We try so hard every day to stay positive and regulated, and though rewarding, it's exhausting and very hard work. Nothing makes us smile more than some recognition that we're trying our best !!

Till next time xoxo (and shout out to @roxirinart for helping me edit this monstrosity mwahhh mwah)

#honkai star rail #hsr aventurine #aventurine #hsr #bpd #borderline personality disorder #analysis #character analysis

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scrimplications · 3 months ago

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How the hell Michigan would a Jedi "not know" a parent/child dynamic? It's a basic concept to understand even if they don't have that exact kind of relationship going on in their own lives. I've never been married, but I sure as hell understand what a couple's dynamic is like. There's emphasizing differing familial bonds, and then there's asserting that the Jedi are wierdos who can't grasp arguably the single most basic dynamic in existance.

first off, i'm not really going to engage you with patience and good faith since you decided to stay anon - if you want to step up and debate this like adults, go ahead, i'll be more open to listening.

secondly, you're taking my post in bad faith. i never once asserted that jedi are weirdos, or somehow unable to grasp family dynamics - i posited that they aren't familiar with the dynamic the way they're familiar with their own culture. i stated that i'd like to see less of jedi comparing themselves to others, and more of jedi comparing others to themselves.

when talking relationships and interpersonal dynamics, why do we so often see jedi characters internally or externally explain their apprenticeship as a parent-child dynamic? is it to explain or justify the dynamic to the reader? or is it because the author doesn't think of the master/padawan dynamic as equal to, or as "good" as, that of a parent and child? why would a jedi default to comparing themselves to a relationship that does not exist within their cultural context?

you're clearly upset about this, and if i worded things in such a way as to make you think i dislike the jedi, i advise you to take a minute to look through my blog.

i also advise you to either find your courage and get off anon, or leave me and my silly star wars posts alone. thanks!

#star wars #jedi

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taldigi · 21 days ago

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now that newsonashipopinionpoll has finished up, what will I do with my life now?

anyway, some thoughts I think- esp in relation to their final post.

just- these are personal thoughts and observations from someone who hasn't been here that long so- keep that in mind.

M/F Shipping: Atlus has a weird and INSANELY frustrating way of writing male-female relationships. Rarely are males and females allowed to be friends in a meaningful way. It must either be explicitly romantic in intention or antagonistic (or neutral/nonissue). the only standouts I can think in this vein is Mitsuru, Sanada, and Aragaki... and maybe Ann and Ryuji?

While in contrast, same-gendered characters are allowed to have more meaningful and multi-layered relationships. The big hitters outside of the protagonist-led ones were Shihoann (who's arcs revolved around each other and a large chunk of Ann's social link- inhcluding the climax and confession scene, are about Shiho!) Yukichie (who have a childhood friendship stronger than most other characters have, as well as shadows that pivot heavily around each other- ESPECIALLY Chie's!) and Kou/Daisuke (who's social links heavily feature not only each other, but their friendship and loyalty to each other. They're there for each other at their lowest, are depicted spending time together despite contrasting interests, volunteering time to each other, and looking out/worrying for each other). so of course these ships feel better to see get together because a genuinely good relationship is built on that sort of thing. Love, trust, time, and loyalty.

meanwhile, Male-Female relationships are bogged down by Atlus' weird sexpest humor and violent obsession with m-f "my wife is a ball and chain" kind of energy. Shit that destroys characters because it's "funny". Yukari and Junpei's relationship is frustratingly antagonistic, Rise's weirdly sudden antagonism against Kanji, Yosuke and Chie's violent friendship, Futaba's incessant bullying of Yusuke... heck, sometimes even Ann and Ryuji... and these are the male&female pairs that get the most interaction and since they aren't positive.. well, no wonder people would rather ship the two guys who have pet names for each other or the robot who devotes her entire existence to her girl... because the male/female relationships don't feel healthy outside of the protagonist-led ones.

Persona 4 and multishipping: persona 4 has a really strong cast with strong interlocking relationships than other entries. Arena and Dancing also did a good job of giving the cast more time to be fleshed out. 3 really does feel less like a group of friends and more like coworkers, and Even 5''s group (while leagues more friend-like than 3) felt singularly minded in their involvement as the thieves. 4 did a great job in making sure you knew these characters held relationships and hobbies outside of being the IT. pairs like Yukichie and souyo or the hanamura bros are often paired up, many times the story's scene is set with the IT just chatting, sometimes events just happen and you stumble across someone else. Some social links involve other characters, you catch others interacting while going shopping... hell, even the banter and friendly antagonism sells their friendship.

...so you got a great sense of who's compatible, and who's not. Yosuke's hard to pair off with other characters because he tends to be pretty single-minded about Yu and others comment about it. Yukichie often choose each other over the other IT members, ect ect.

Persona 5 being the opposite: in stark contrast, I feel like P5 gave us a lot more time with each individual character and kept interpersonal relationships pretty loose outside of the protag. There are exceptions, of course. Ryuji and Morgana, Futaba and Yusuke- so-on-so-forth. I don't think this is bad at all. I think it serves P5 VERY well. But it leaves gaps, sometimes... and that means there are more gaps to fill and it's easy to fill them with romance.

Shuke's Loss to Pego: objectively pretty funny to me. I was also pretty surprised to not see Shuke's presence on the top 10. But also, the appreciation system doesn't acknowlege popularity or actual applicability... which is focused on it's tragic yaoi aspect.. can I see Shuke? Sure. There's something there... but, do I like it? hell no. I hate tragic or toxic ships. but that's preference. I think that was more of a factor to it's failure to place than any other reason. I personally feel that Folk are more likely to cast a positive vote on a ship like Yukichie even if they arent super into it because they do have a fleshed out and ultimately positive and in-depth relationship vs someone who might not really like p5 and see shuke and be like "ah, didn't one try to kill the other? I'll pass/I dont like that" anyway, congrats to pegger nation for winning most positive ren ship.

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davidmariottecomics · 1 year ago

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Best of 2023

Hi there,

This week, we're celebrating the 2 year anniversary of my website and blog (well, just under 2 years, it officially launched on Jan 1). So, to round out this year with the blog and in general, I thought I'd do a little roundup of my personal "Best of" 2023. This is more a list of stuff I really dug this year than a formal ranking of any sort, and a lot of this isn't necessarily new in 2023, so much as stuff I discovered (and rediscovered) this year! Some things will get a little extra blurb, some things will just be listed. Alright, without further ado, my best of 2023!

PODCASTS: Dungeons & Daddies - Legitimately, 90% of my podcast listening this year was either Dungeons & Daddies or Blank Check. I don't even think I meant for it to be like that, it's just how it happened. As a work of collaborative fiction, I really love Dungeons & Daddies. It's a super funny show and this past week-ish, I've been relistening to Season 2 so far and have just been delighting in it. Blank Check My Year in MENSA Solve This Murder The Real Housewives of Dungeons & Dragons Abandoning the Premise - Haven't heard of it? Well so far, there's only one episode and it's exclusive to my Patreon! But it was fun and I'd like to revisit in the future!

VIDEO GAMES: Reverse 1999 Honkai Star Rail - I am very bad at playing updating video games. It doesn't come naturally to me. I am not someone who completes a lot of games--if I am really gripped by something, I'll finish the story, but I'm not very good about new game plus and 100% runs or anything like that. So, what usually happens with games like this is I get to a point where I am caught up and then I take a break because something else catches my eye or I have less time or I just feel like there's not a lot to do with where I'm at in the game and when I next try to dip in, I feel too far behind. That's definitely where I am with HSR right now, but I'm hoping to take some of my remaining time off to actually try to play and enjoy it again. The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog Detective Pikachu Returns - This was a Christmas gift and it's delightful! A lot of the puzzle-solving is very easy, but, I dunno, I like hanging out with my friends the Pokemon.

COMICS: Nancy Chainsaw Man Milky Way by Miguel Vila - Another Christmas gift, this book is beautifully ugly. It is a semi-erotic relationship-thriller that I think does a very good job of balancing the grotesqueness of human nature and interpersonal relations with a sort of soft loving lens of what compels us toward each other, even when it's at our expense. There's deception and injury and fetishization presented in ways that remind you why they're often treated as morally repugnant, but also are so attractive to us so often. Superman Kaguya-Sama: Love is War 17-21 The Rock Cocks Witch Watch - Every Sunday morning, I read through my "webcomics" of the week. I hit up Webtoon and catch up on anything there, then hop to Shonen Jump and read my new stuff there. Consistently, Witch Watch is probably my favorite read each Sunday morning, just because it almost never misses weeks and the characters are all just so delightful. Even with the current storyline being kinda weird (one of the main characters has been turned from a teen into a toddler and is being kinda raised by her romantic interest...) there's such a solid core of thoughtfulness and care and humor that I think it just always works. Spy x Famiy Lore Olympus Girl Taking Over: A Lois Lane Story Birds of Prey Fire & Ice: Welcome to Smallville - I recently talked on my Patreon about how I think playing backseat editor and coming up with "a book that would really get readers to the shop regularly again" isn't practical because I think there are other things that could bolster comic sales in longer-lasting, better ways and I think particularly with the current state of the readership, "comics readers" aren't looking for a unifying title, they're looking for the stuff they find personally compelling. I'm a guy in comics, I have a lot to say on that and how to improve things, but that's for another day. Why I bring it up here is between Birds of Prey and Fire & Ice, those are the books that if there was justice in this world would bring all the boys to the yard. These are the exact kind of superhero titles I wanna read all the time. Poison Ivy: Thorns Superman: The Harvests of Youth Dumbing of Age One Piece Crimehot - Crimehot #4 came out this year and includes the Cassidy and Butch to our main group's Jessie and James (That's a Team Rocket reference), the way more competent counterparts who all have weirdly deep backstories with the main cast. And let me tell you... like the name says, they're hot. And they do hot stuff. It's a good comic. Steamy Dandadan - I was recently gushing about Dandadan to some friends and described it as really hitting me as a comic that is so very much a book about whatever interests the creator at the moment (similar to Witch Watch in that way). If you read the pitch, it's like "she believes in ghosts and not aliens, and he believes in aliens and not ghosts and then wacky stuff happens to make a believer out of both of them" but it's really a light rom-com with just bonkers stuff happening and I love that about it. Three Rocks: The story of Ernie Bushmiller, the Man Who Created Nancy It's Lonely at the Centre of the Earth What Happens Next - This is a webcomic I discovered not too long ago and there are content warnings on the very first page that I think are very helpful to make sure you're in the right headspace for it. I am a big fan of stories about younger adults finding their place in the world--not a coming of age "taking your first steps into real life" kind of thing, but a "you've been around for a while and life is hard and even if you're doing the right things, or nothing at all, why isn't it better and what comes next" types of stoires. This totally fits that. And it reads incredibly quickly since it's usually 1-2 panels per page.

BOOKS: Out There Screaming: An Anthology of New Black Horror - I look at my comics list and I look at the things I didn't place on either list and I know I read plenty this year, but it does feel strange having such a short list for traditional books. There's a lot to that: I spent like 6 weeks spending all my free reading time catching up on 1100 chapters of One Piece. I started a handful of books that I was enjoying but for one reason or another paused and didn't really pick back up. And so while this is the most recent release on the list, Out There Screaming was a major help for me because it was something I could pick up and read in short bursts and leave satisfied and wanting to come back for more. Every story--even the ones that I didn't like as much, was compelling and fun and left me thinking about it afterwards. House of Leaves Raw Dog: The Naked Truth About Hot Dogs - Book of the year. I don't even eat hot dogs, but I loved this book! I'm Glad My Mom Died The Broken Room

TV SHOWS: Poker Face Craig of the Creek Rise of the TMNT Transformers: Earthspark I Think You Should Leave - Out of everything we've consumed this year, I think ITYSL is the most quoted show in our household (though Real Housewives of Beverly Hills/Vanderpump Rules are close contenders). So much of this show is so funny and strange. The Rehersal Barry My Adventures with Superman Praise Petey - Without a doubt, Praise Petey is the least known show on this list. And because of that, as I just found out, it was canceled after a single season which sucks. The premise is after her cult leader dad dies, a down-on-her-luck New Yorker moves to the countryside and becomes a cult leader... whether she wants to or not and her own feelings on that differ minute-by-minute. Despite the broad premise, it's pretty in line with other animated sitcoms like Bob's Burgers or King of the Hill (it is a Mike Judge co-production) that I think speaks in an authentic, funny voice of the 18-35 demographic. If you like Only Murders in the Building, I think this has a similar energy, but hornier and with more of the concerns of youth than of old men. Adventure Time: Fionna and Cake Sex Education - Okay, I know I said I wasn't doing rankings, but as an overall piece of media, I think Sex Education is my show of the year. The last season, the one that came out this year, isn't my favorite of the series, but when so many shows flub their endings, this one really found a way to nail it (and to roll with the more major cast/location changes) in a way that felt real. This is one of those shows that, if it was available on DVD, I would buy to add to my "regular rotation", but much like Freaks and Geeks, I'd only ever be able to watch some of it again because as it got closer to the end, I don't know that I'd be able to emotionally take that on a regular basis. Joe Pera Talks with You Scott Pilgrim Takes Off

MOVIES: The Boy and the Heron The Fablemans - I have very complicated feelings about this movie. On the one hand, I really loved it on first viewing. It hit me emotionally in a major way. I've talked on the blog before about crying multiple times in the theater. And if you had asked me in the first half of the year what my favorite movie of the year was, it'd probably be this (even though it's technically a 2022 film). But I also have my issues with Steven Spielberg and... it is a film where I'm still navigating my own emotional catharsis with it relative to Spielberg as an artist/creator/subject of the film. Not to get too far into real issues of death of the author and separation of the art and artist, this is the sort of hyper-personal work that even moreso than usual I think cannot be separated from the creator and so my changing feelings on him means I'm still figuring out my new relationship with the work. M3GAN Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem - Up until recently, this probably would've moved into the movie of the year spot. I just thought it was so much fun. It's a visual feast. I like that it's a full story (Sorry, Spider-Verse). I love the world and the enthusiasm of the turtles and just really tuned in. Robocop Phantom of the Paradise - Becca watched this for the first time with me and we both marveled on how this kind of forgotten cult film actually informed so much of all pop culture for decades to come. I am happy to say that overall, still slaps. Venture Bros: Radiant is the Blood of the Baboon Heart Blue Beetle Gone Girl - I ended up watching a lot of Fincher movies this year, largely influenced by Blank Check. And Gone Girl has to be my favorite of his, and, on this rewatch, one of my favorite films of the 2010s. Oldboy Josee, the Tiger and the Fish Godzilla: Minus One - Again, not to rank things so much, but if Minus One did an Oscars sweep and took home (checks notes) every award, I'd be happy. Even the ones that don't make sense. Best Documentary Short? Give it to Godzilla, cowards! An absolute masterpiece on every level.

MUSIC: The Loveliest Time - Look, we got a new CRJ album. What else do you want from me?

OTHER STUFF: A smooth transition from IDW into the holidays (and into my new thing soon) Making a Discord for my friends and the feeling that I can spend a little time making my friendships stronger with some folks while we aren't also coworkers/collaborators. Bluesky (and not being on Twitter). Remaining boosted on my vaccines and not having any serious illness of my own. Becca's first year on Twitch. My first year on Patreon. WaifuExpo (now KimochiiCon) and generally being more open in my interest in consuming and creating adult material. Having some good experiences at shows and doing so many (will not be doing so many in 2024). Having good times with the people I love. All the comics I edited, all the blogs I posted, and just being at an end to that for the year.

Not to be a bummer at the end, but it has been a long, strange, difficult year. There is so much wrong in the world and so many are struggling. So, it's nice that there is also so much that I found enjoyment and comfort in. I hope you've had some real bright spots in this year too, and I look forward to next year with you.

I am not much for resolutions. I usually don't do a good job of them, if I bother to make them at all. But I do have some things I'll briefly say I'm excited for in the coming year.

I am excited to get married and to figure out what celebrations we can do around that. I am excited to start this new job and tell you all about it when I can. I am excited to make more comics. Besides my little self-drawn things that you can find on this blog, I didn't release any comics this year and I am very much looking forward to that not being the case in 2024. I am excited to grow my friendships. I am excited to continue this blog.

Thanks for reading. Happy new year!

New Releases next week (1/3/2024): Sonic the Hedgehog #68 (Editor)

Pic of the Week: A little thing about where else to find me online that I made.

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imonthemoonitsmadeofcheese · 11 months ago

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I know you're primarily a drifteris blog, but are there any other destiny ships that interest you?

Almost anything that involves either of them is something I am likely to have read and appreciated. I love both of those characters and want to see them loved and happy (or tormented, if it's done well). I've read some fantastic Crow-related works and some delightful Zavala/Caiatl ones and my third favourite character is Ikora so anything with her in it has the potential to be lovely. My tastes tend toward things which favour intense interpersonal relationships with good awareness of lore and I appreciate good writing in almost anything, even if it's not my favourite flavour of characters or relationships. My favourite non-Drifteris thing I've read would be a Drifter/Elsie/Eris story (yes... *that* one) although that may be cheating as it's got Drifter/Eris in it so my second favourite non-Drifteris that is actually non-Drifteris would be just about any Ikoris because I completely agree with many people who have said there is no straight explanation for whatever is going on/has gone on between those two. And that one first-Crota-fireteam one (yes... the spicy one involving all of them all at once) was just amazing (and also includes Eris). I like well developed characters that get to be badass (if they are badasses) and show parts of themselves that maybe aren't highlighted in lore but aren't incongruent with who they are in the game. I also, although most of what I've mentioned is romantic, really enjoy well written non-romance that just gives us more lore about characters I care for (or makes me care for characters I didn't before). I love Destiny lore. There isn't enough of it. I always want more. I have a soft spot for anything involving Drifter being a good friend/bad-influence on Eido (Eido must be protected at all costs) and am on the lookout to find someone else bullying Immaru. Immaru should be bullied. He deserves it.

#writing

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bandofchimeras · 1 year ago

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one nice bpd thing is when you've been thru the idealization and devaluation swing with a new FP and held awareness w yourself and....cooled off? without doing anything nutso like declaring undying Love or trying to banish them from your life.

then you get to hang out with them. and see how they actually are as a person outside your Brain Games. and they're just, cute or nice, or kinda dorky and flawed in some charming way. and it's like OOOOOHHH the idea I had of you in my head is no match, good or bad, for the reality of your humanness in the room with me.

(long post under the read more)

in earlier stages of recovery this settling into equilibrium always gave me the ick. bc my shame was so intense for my own humanness. being human is so stinky and sticky and crusty and mundane and broken sometimes. no wonder our minds make people into gods or demons when sitting with our very vulnerable human selves is so difficult. especially if you have never fully experienced unconditionally accepting love. ideas taste better than reality.

I begin to think that my BPD is rooted in a real fear and real experiences of being abandoned for being imperfect, or not fitting someone's preconceived expectations, or disappointing them in some way. it was hard to accept this bc I have done it to people too. and it is so painful.

but now the next step is finding a new framework for how to say "no" and have boundaries and prioritize people. BESIDES "oh you aren't what I thought you were."

which is a challenge specifically along the ADHD axis of low impulse control, memory issues and generally not understanding how much work is involved in tasks or relationships.... leading to either avoidance of them, or taking on too many.

this is a genuine disability that leads to poor energy management that impacts people I my life. and if people can love me, and they do, then what's between love and us is real barriers of communication and follow through, that can hopefully be addressed.

I really can't keep going through the swing of impulsive relationships that end with abandonment or never end in a tortured half alive state of limbo. it feels impossible to fully let go of anybody or be fully with anybody and that's where the pain comes from.

I think the image instability is related to ADHD object impermanence. I have to practice manually making my brain remember people exist when we aren't in same room, or I am not hyperfixated on them. if someone isn't in the Focus Zone I can still love them but they don't get attention. which....hmm maybe I conflate with love. because of that being such a big need for me.

i wonder if anyone without this disorder overthinks their relationships to this extent, and if they don't how they manage their energy to avoid so many painful patterns???

i do wish relationships took up less space in my life too and I had more ability to lean into hobby time. The unresolved emotions & cycles around interpersonal relationships feel like big heavy magnets that take my energy away from efforts in areas that would be more meaningful. They keep me looping around in specific thought patterns and stories unable to stay in physical reality long enough to complete anything.

I wonder what genuinely falling in love would be like with a person. instead of intense attachment feelings, developing a fondness and sense of compatibility with someone over time as you also become able to trust them. They would have to really love me and have a lot of patience to stick out these mood swings and thought distortions.

But hey that has to be possible because I am a person, and I am developing the patience to love myself!

What still hurts is the question: is there someone out there who will see me and go, he's worth it!. He's worth the trouble! Someone who I also felt love for, that would chose me not based on an idea of who I am but my actual reality. So I don't have to play a role or an image for them.

it's a painful question. but I have to believe maybe it's possible, and even if not, along the way there is plenty of love from animals and trees and community, and friends that will recognize my inherent worth as I learn to.

the borderline asks to be chosen, to be special. Without qualification. But the beauty of love is that everyone always has a choice to love. It's never permanent or guaranteed.

now, how to make peace with that!!!?

this has been a post on the intersection of ADHD, OCD and BPD from my experience.

#recovery #bpd #ocd #musings #adhd #whew #long post

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azurescaled · 11 months ago

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Something I kind of want to confess in regards to something I struggle with in writing, is writing people who aren't y'know, good people.

I'd argue all of my muses have sides to them that don't make them good people, but I suppose I want to focus on Serina, since she's the one muse here who's outright a villain.

When it comes to Serina, prior to her becoming a wraith, she was mild mannered, and resented her family (rightfully so), for essentially putting her to the side in favor of her brothers, she's the middle child, so what she wanted didn't matter to her, and why she took the opportunity to enjoy her time out of town and selling their wares. She's also (rightfully so) enraged that she was forced back to life, in a world that she was and to some extent is a stranger in. She still actively chooses to do what she does, and in some cases, that means causing misery for those like her, or not caring about the effects of her actions on those outside of her circle of influence and interpersonal relationships. She's a monster, and she embraces that fact about herself. However, she still has human qualities, there are people she cares for, and isn't afraid to admit that. She's capable of love, and isn't afraid to show that to someone in privacy where there are no prying eyes.

It's hard to strike the balance sometimes, because on one hand, Serina is a horrible person who actively chooses to be a monster and doesn't regret that. But I also don't want to woobify her if that makes sense. She's not the type of person who will change who she is just because she loves someone. Just because she won't be a monster to you, doesn't change the fact she has no issue with being a monster to others, you know?

Hell, sometimes I enjoy villains who are evil for the sake of being evil, because evil people don't need a reason to be so, but I also like to have substance to my writing, I want to write villains who while you can sympathize with them, it doesn't excuse their actions or cloud the fact that they're bad people.

I dunno, I want to be better at writing villains, and I know I got work to do on that front, because I think I strike a good balance with some of my more gray characters, such as Jensen, who has done terrible things, but uses that as a motivation to better herself. That being said, she doesn't have problem with taking lives if that means solving an issue either. I also somewhat struggle with that with a pathfinder character of mine, Makoto, who while a good person at heart, also has no issue with killing so many that he doesn't remember the names or faces of the soldiers he's killed in war.

#luca.txt (out of character)#whoops i uh #wound up going on a tangent my apologies #but take a half-assed analysis of some of my ocs

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uncloseted · 1 year ago

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Do you think artists who glamourize mental illness, abuse, drugs etc. need to be held accountable for glamourizing these things, or do you think that it's people who are already naturally vulnerable that are drawn into this type of art? As a teen I was captivated by Lana Del Rey, Cassie and Effy as characters and aesthetics but that was because I was already so mentally ill. Seeing them may have influenced my behaviour but it's not like they gave me mental health issues to begin with

I think there's a difference between depicting something and glamorizing it. With Skins, I have always strongly felt that it doesn't glamorize mental illness so much as it's honest about mental illness. The show makes Effy and Cassie sympathetic and interesting, but it also shows us how much their mental illnesses are causing suffering. Both Effy and Cassie nearly die by suicide, they destroy most of their interpersonal relationships, they're pretty much always miserable, and Effy nearly kills Katie. And I think that's pretty realistic. People can have mental health problems while still being interesting or attractive or fun, but that doesn't mean that their mental illness is making them interesting or attractive or fun. When I think of glamorizing, I think of narratives where the main character can only be [insert positive trait here- interesting/smart/attractive/fun/creative] because of their mental illness, and if they get treatment, it would "get rid of the thing that makes them special". For example, I've been rewatching a lot of House MD, and it often veers into the territory of "House's depression and drug abuse is what makes him a singularly brilliant doctor, and if he recovers from either, he will lose his touch." To me, that's glamorizing mental illness more than Skins is. Good representation can make people feel seen and understood without preventing them from seeking help or acknowledging that they have a problem. I think glamorizing makes people feel like their issue is not a problem or necessary for them to have the kind of life they want.

As for whether or not we should be "holding artists accountable", I think a better approach might be to focus on helping people identify what kinds of behaviors and patterns are healthy and which aren't. People will always make bad art, regardless of how many people tell them it's bad or harmful, and trying to hold artists accountable often just results in them digging their heels in further. I think it's probably easier to help people recognize, "oh, that's messed up, I don't want that to be my life" than it is to get people to stop making objectionable content.

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bamfspock · 10 months ago

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This is something that's become a huge issue for me as my medical conditions have progressed.

I'm semi-housebound. My ability to engage in interactions, and the world at large, is very limited. There are few times I can go anywhere w/o my wheelchair, and many times I can't go anywhere as intermittent vertigo and congitions issues simply make leaving the house unsafe. My diet is incredibly restricted. My life span will be 20 or so years shorter than it would be otherwise.

This means that when people talk about the future, about food, about activities, etc etc I generally have nothing to contribute to the conversation that won't sound depressing to others. When I do speak of it reactions involve sympathy or other reminders that what is normal for me makes others sad. It can stop a casual, upbeat conversation in it's tracks. When I use my fave coping mechanism - humor - to talk about these things, others either find it discomfiting or react with that same sympathy. When people *are* venting, even if I don't mention my reality when offering comfort the other person will often feel bad for feeling bad because they're reminded that I 'have it worse'.

As you can imagine, this can be really isolating, and compounds how isolated my health already makes me. If people are doing something that is inaccessible to me, I'll decline on the basis of being busy or fatigued because they feel bad when they realize they chose to do something I can't and didn't think of it (I run into this a lot with activities that revolve around food or drink - which a lot more do than I myself realized until I couldn't participate, e.g. eating out, holiday gatherings, meeting for a meal as part of a larger outing). I'm tired of having people always walking on eggshells around me, so I've ended up always doing it around others to avoid that.

It's a huge relief when people 'follow my lead' and treat what I say in the same way I do. If I make a joke related to my health, I love it when they approach it with humor of their own. When I state something in a matter-of-fact or casual manner and their tone matches, I feel like I can relax.

There are still of course times when *I'm* sad about it, or frustrated, or what have you, and when I express that I do appreciate words of comfort or encouragement (as long as they aren't along the lines of 'you can do it!' or 'maybe one day' or anything else that sounds positive but denies the truth of my experience). But feeling that way about my situation constantly is wearing. It just...feels bad. And so I go silent a lot, because when the people around me (which includes online interactions) react by feeling bad themselves...well, silence becomes preferable.

I say all this because I think sometimes the best way someone else can help someone whose life has been shaped my trauma (as mine has also been), illness, etc, is to approach it as that person does. Remember that, for them, it's a fact of life. It's their reality. And then treat it as such, rather than trauma dumping or Such An Unfortunate Thing.

Of course, if someone is *actually* venting that's different, and something we all need at times. Just because the content of the vent is of a particularly heavy variety doesn't diminish the struggles you feel, or require you to match that with equally 'heavy' expressions of your own feelings.

And of course, this isn't universal - everyone has different needs, and needs different things from their interpersonal relationships. Give and take isn't a one-to-one equation. For me, that's meant that just as I can't engage in the expressions of friendship most people think of when talking about what makes a good friend - I can't pick you up at the airport or help you move or even keep you company when you're going through something difficult - others can't show me friendship by including me in activities (though an invitation as a gesture is always appreciated) or baking something for me or even coming to visit (big energy zap). But when someone is hurting or recovering I can send a thoughtful gift, or even a card, and when I want to join in on the fun but vertigo prevents it they can offer me a ride, or text me photos of their pets when I'm hurting, or drop me a message with no expectation of response when I'm too ill to chat online so I know people think of me when I'm not there.

I've lost the thread a little here, but I hope this can maybe help someone better navigate their own relationships.

Having a traumatic childhood means you cannot talk even objectively about your basic foundational experiences without it being "venting", even if you're not actually venting. You just straight up have a huge chunk of your life you can't talk about, full stop, without it being trauma dumping.

And it not being socially acceptable to talk about your own childhood is super alienating. Sometimes people want to know why, and any answer you can give them is going to be off putting.

It's to the point I get irritated when something I said is framed as venting when I'm literally just talking about my life experiences, doing my best to keep emotion out of it.

#riker.talks #trauma #chronic illness #progressive illness

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falling-violet-petals · 1 year ago

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Thoughts on Star Wars after watching the movies for the first time (contains spoilers)

So I just binged watched all the star wars movies for the first time (I had watched the original trilogy before but never really paying much attention) and I don't know if I like them or not. I have a similar problem as I do with harry potter where there's a million tiny moments where I just see so much potential and it would've been so good if only they would have done some things differently but at the end there are so many things I would change that it would end up being a completely different thing and not star wars anymore. Which I think just means they're not really for me, and that's ok, but I did still like them, I thought they were fun. I don't know, maybe it's too soon to tell and I need to give myself more time to really process it.

I think one of the things that made me feel like this is that the movies themselves really confused me as to what they were trying to be. It is clearly not a science fiction story because all the cool technology is more of a background prop than a theme, but despite what a lot of people say I don't think it is a space opera either. The interpersonal relationships of the characters only really matter and affect the plot in the final act of each trilogy where the bad guy and the good guy face each other and are forced to acknowledge the connection that they have, and in the original trilogy it isn't even that big of a connection. To be honest I felt like the movies were just trying to be both a space opera and a war story in a way that just felt like it didn't accomplish either of the two, I couldn't tell if the characters were an attempt at justifying the need for a final battle for every single movie or if the battles were an attempt at making character arcs end in a more epic or meaningful way (is George Lucas even aware that there are other ways to end a film?). Maybe I should have taken a hint from the title and known that I wouldn't like this because of how I don't like most war metaphors because of how poorly constructed they usually are.

Speaking of poorly constructed war metaphors, I really don't get the whole dark side vs light side thing. It seems extremely reductive to me. I know that you could argue that the Jedi are shown to have flaws in how they handle emotions and that there could be a Sith that was good and just used their feelings in order to use the force, and I would actually agree with it, but my problem with how it's depicted is that all of that is just meta commentary and it is not at all what the actual movies show. No movie actually delves into those topics, there are some hints towards that being the case, yes, but if your fictional world has a group of people that is evil and a group of people that is good, and you spend no actual time dealing with the question of what the words evil and good even mean in the first place or engage in the conversation of how evil and good can coexist or even be the same thing because they are subjective, then you're not doing that topic justice. And Anakin and Kylo Ren aren't enough of an answer when both of their storylines end with them just choosing one over the other. The truth is, every single Sith that is in the movies is a bad guy and every single Jedi is a good guy, even if they are shown to have flaws or they sometimes change sides, and to me that still feels reductive. I just wish there was more of an exploration of the possibility of being both dark and light simultaneously, Kylo Ren seems such a lost opportunity for that, he was so close to it until they just decided to revive Palpatine instead. And the whole good/evil thing isn't even the only moment that is like this where it could be great if only they had just decided to expand on it a bit more, there are slaves and sentient droids and genetically modified clones being used and killed left and right with no more than a few minutes in 9 whole movies that actually acknowledge the morality of it, and I understand that they didn't intend for it to be science fiction and that is what science fiction is, but the lack of interest of engaging in deep topics just frustrated me. But once again, I get it, I am expecting too much of these films, I get that most people that watch them do it for the cool futuristic sword fights and for the blowing things up and for the dopamine of watching the good guys win another battle at the end, whatever that means. Maybe Ursula K Le Guin has just given me so much that now I have too high of a standard for blockbuster movies that are just meant to be marketable and fun. And they are fun, so I don't see why I can't fully bring myself to say I like them.

Another thing that just irked me was how incredibly male these movies are. It is obvious in the lack of lead women characters but it is not just that. There are many many moments that are directly influenced by a more masculine world view. Both the Jedi and the Sith seem to be based on ideals of masculinity, one being the stoic rational emotionless men and the other being anger-driven oppressive men (I could write a whole essay about this). I laughed at Luke's reaction to his uncle and aunt dying because of how emotionless it felt, he only seems sad for a minute and immediately gets over it and doesn't think about them ever again in any of the movies. I also dislike that star wars is so explicitly about families and love that it is the beginning of the entire plot but it has a very narrow view of families where it gives so much importance to blood ties and legacy and such and it really seems like it all revolves around the patriarch of the family. Luke's insistence on calling Darth Vader his father and insisting on him still having a good side is quite weird to me considering he really doesn't know him at all. And although I do get Vader's hesitation in killing Luke because he knows it is the last thing of Padmé that is left, I think that it was such a wasted opportunity that he never gets to know that Leia is his daughter. He could have had an even more justified emotional reaction if he realized that the girl he had literally tortured before was his daughter and that he could have killed her without even knowing it just like he had killed Padmé without knowing it. But it is all wasted because the writers could just not conceive a movie where the climax is between a daughter and her father instead of between a son and his father because in their patriarchal view of family that is the only relation that matters, because sons are the ones that inherit a father's power because women have no power, and so Luke gets everything while Leia just sits back and looks pretty. Leia is the one with knowledge in politics and who grew up being a part of this fight but Luke is the one that is chosen to be trained as a Jedi despite both having the potential for it, he is the one that is told about his father and trusted with the information and he is the only one allowed to face him at the end and he is the only one who turns him and he is the protagonist. Again, lost potential. And at least the sequels seem to fix this issue somewhat and they give Rey power and authority and they give us characters with no blood relations until they then fuck it up and make Rey a Palatine and make her power come from her grandfather's power, a man's power. But even then they do show more moments of genuine care and love that escape these two options of being either stoic or angry, I think one of my favorite moments of all the movies is in the last film when they all hold each other's hands, it is such a sweet moment that I think would be impossible in the other two trilogies.

And I think against most people's opinions that the sequels are probably my favorite for this reason, it fixed some of the things that had to be fixed. And I think having a sequel in order to fix it was so necessary, but honestly I would have liked it to take a completely different direction. I both like and dislike them. I like Rey and I like Finn and Poe, they are my favorite trio in all the trilogies, and I like Kylo Ren because until then all of the talk of turning darksiders to the light side didn't feel that well thought out, but I truly don't like how they just go back to the exact same thing that the original trilogy was, movie 7 is the same as movie 4 and there is still too much time spent on battles and too little on actually engaging with the themes the movies are supposedly about, and the first order being so powerful honestly makes me feel like the ending of movie 6 was worth nothing. I would have liked it much more if the trilogy dealt instead with the aftermath to what happened in the originals and the lives of ordinary people like Rey and Finn. And even with how they are I didn't like the last movie, Palatine just came out of nowhere and it seemed to me just a cheap way to give Kylo Ren plausible deniability by having a superior to respond to so that people wouldn't get mad at his redemption and I also hated how they killed him immediately after redeeming him when in my opinion one of the most interesting parts of a redemption is the following arc of a character learning to accept what they've done and making amends and learning that not everyone is going to accept it. Him dying is just a way to be able to immediately make him a hero and not deal with the consequences of his redemption, and I feel that is quite cowardly for a movie to do. Every step of these movies I just keep seeing ways to evade delving deeper into the topics that they themselves bring up.

The original trilogy I don't know how I feel about. Maybe it is because they are the star wars movies that are the most praised for their originality which as someone who is an avid fiction reader is something I don't see in them, or because most of the people praising them do so from a deeply nostalgic feeling which I do not have having watched them only just now, or maybe it is because I see in them that weird outdated world view that old movies that talk about the future have. I do have to say they are better written than the prequels, and I like their pacing a lot more, though I don't feel any emotional connection with the characters even after 3 movies with them. I do like Han and Leia's romance, and I think it is an interesting set up for a fantasy world (because it is fantasy), but it is not much more than that.

The prequels I didn't like much either, but they did succeed at something that I really needed after watching the originals first (I watched them in release order) and that is giving context. I don't think they do a great job at world building, but however cool the mysterious aura of the originals was, they left so many unanswered questions like Leia somehow being a princess and a senator (for what senate we don't know) or who their mother is, and I finally got my answers here. I did also get more questions like what even happens during the clone wars but I think I'll only get answers for that in other adjacent star wars shows which I don't know if I want to watch yet. And I felt that the prequels were so strongly trying to give context and backstory and depth to the originals that they were often dealing with too many things at the same time and expanding on them too little. I also felt Anakin's switch to the dark side was too abrupt and didn't happen at the right moment, there are indicatives of him having been tempted by the dark side way before, yes, but they were too distant in time to make them feel relevant then and his scene when he switches sides is too sudden. It feels completely in character for him to kill Windu, but I would have expected for him to show at least the smallest bit of resistance afterwards, I think I would have been happy with even half a minute of hesitation or guilt before he surrenders, but that never happens. I do have to say the fight between Anakin and Obi wan was quite good, it was properly paced, it felt real to the characters and made sense, so even if I don't like ending a conflict with a battle just this once George Lucas can have it, I did like that fight scene, which honestly quite surprised me.

So, those are my thoughts for now, I might watch some of the other movies and shows that are out there because I did feel like I was missing a lot of context and lore, or I might wait a while and then rewatch the movies and maybe by then my opinion might have changed, I don't know. Also for clarity I have to say that I did not watch these movies in a good moment at all, I read Earthsea just a month ago which is a series that is not afraid of delving into deep philosophical questions and I think it made my expectations for other media way too high, and I also watched these movies right after I finished reading The Bell Jar, which in my opinion probably made all of the emotional moments seem milder in comparison, watching a boy consider the possibility of having to kill his own father (that he's known for 5 minutes, mind you) doesn't really seem that extreme after reading 200 pages of a woman in an asylum describing how she wants to kill herself.

#movie review #star wars

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mhaynoot · 1 year ago

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ch182

oh cheongryeo my little psychopath you really are a psycho

he's so red flag red flag im so in love alslkd i didnt expect a whole ass kidnapping scene but like damn thats good pay off considering the sprinkling of foreshadowing, building tension and bait with the fake de-escalating "im sorry" part

listen i like my ships as messy as possible. the more they bring out the worst in each other to the point it loops back into actually making them better is so Peak Ship Dynamic

warning: my opinions and some personal critiques on dod here

i think im gonna take a break on reading this though and just wait for manhwa updates instead because the novel is very ... slow? or maybe i should say its a bit too light hearted for me i dunno

i think it would have been a little more interesting if the other members of testar were also part of some other system or if there was just a lot more drama in genera. i dont know but considering what i know of irl kpop and the really messy fights that happened, the internal and interpersonal character conflicts here are just the slightest bit too tame for me personally and, while that isn't necessarily bad thing, its just not to my drama loving taste. also the external conflicts aren't all that spicy either to act as a counterbalance.

well tbh, i was already very worried when i saw the survival show format and the first debut or die mission because thats a very short term conflict. and the back to back missions, format and tension of the survival show is incredibly good for creating escalating high stakes and, combined with the death penalty, it has a natural development for consistently high tension and lots of potential drama and conflicts. and the novel hit those points very well. and while i think they definitely could have potentially made this arc a little longer and explore different aspects, it does end as a satisfactory first arc. but now there's the rest of the 600 chapter story which will have to match that level of tension. and so far i dont think it really has? at least until cheongryeo LMAO which is why i love him so much!! he makes things interesting and the novel isnt afriad to make him villainous and start shit up and do actual things that really fucks up moondae and has like some future consequences like oh no whats gonna happen to their relationship, whatll they do in the future when they meet, whats happening to the other members and their relo with this sunbae who they admired

i just feel the novel is really fluffy and light hearted for a death scenario concept. and even if it didn't want external conflicts to be too heavy, a way to keep the stakes might have been to shift focus onto interpersonal conflicts instead. like i really thought they'd continue to do that when the keun seijin and bae seijin arc happened. and then the chungwon arc too! but it feels like its been twenty small online conflicts in a row between them. i just want stuff with like actual group breaking, and potentially friendship destroying conflicts that they have to work through.

yes the testar members are wholesome and nice and they love moondae and...? that's about it right now for the last some chapters now. they dont have arguments, they dont even really properly talk to each other. i know moondae treats it like coworkers and professionalism but maybe bring up more of the other members perspectives. like i know we're in moondae's pov but like considering the consistent pov shifts, it wouldn't be too bad to at least make it so that we can flesh out the other members and their relationships with each other too?

but like what do i know?

maybe i should've seen moondae's easy rise to platnium and quick skill up as an indicator that this novel isn't really focused on drama and breaking the kneecaps of its mc like what i prefer. i dunno i just thought that was a bait or smth and things escalate hard later or smth HAHAH yeah i guess when i saw the death failure, i jumped to conclusions and thought this novel would be a really gritty one that might touch on and explore the messed up behind the scenes of kpop

#dodlr

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our-reality · 2 years ago

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18, 19, 41, 46 - swift >:)

18/19. how easy is it to become their friend/enemy?

answering these together because the answers for them are pretty similar

they don't. internalize relationships very often. sky struggles to truly connect with people on a super deep level, both because it didn't work out for her with python and because they kinda. don't really understand true connections to people. and that's not just a god thing either, it's specifically a her problem. sky understands friendships as kind of like. a mutual agreement to care for each other's wellbeing and take on certain hardships for one another, and sky can certainly do that, but they see it more as something she has to do, not something sky wants to do. other than python, they consider spending time with friends as "just another task" in a day full of tasks. that's not to say sky doesn't understand why she needs friends, or even that sky doesn't want to have typical "friend"-like bonds with others, because they do. but they don't really understand that friends aren't supposed to be a chore to have, nor does sky understand that deep, interpersonal bonds between others aren't something necessarily restriced to what humans would call "romantic" love. (this changes when they eventually befriend ruby and java though dw)

it's kind of the inverse for enemies. sky can and does have very extreme levels of loathing towards certain people, but she doesn't really consider any of those people "enemies". this is a part of this internalized notion with them that hating people who haven't done anything necessarily wrong is a bad thing, but also because she doesn't particularly understand that like. if hate someone that person can just be your enemy. that's it. you don't have to like. write a letter in your own blood or whatever. enemy has such a specific connotation to het that sky things someone had like. royally fuck up in a way that personally affects her in order for them to be skies enemy. and that to her is something so like. cartoonish and unobtainable that they can't comprehend someone actually considering someone else their enemy.

so when i say "it's easy for her to make friends and near impossible for sky to make enemies", i mean it by their standard of what friends and enemies are. to help you get a visual

41. do they learn from their mistakes?

yeeeeeeeeesss. but also nooooooooo? ok this one's complicated

i think it's very easy for them to spiral in on skyself for relatively small mistakes she makes (especially because of how much they get propped up as "the good one" by the other gods), but it's also very easy for them to overcorrect this issue by taking the side of "i am never in the wrong ever actually". because sky doesn't have the skills to cope with their problems normally lol

but when she does genuinely recognize that something was skies fault, they do her best to process that mistake and do better because of it. above all else, sky is a very skilled problem solver and analyzer, even if it takes them a bit to learn how to properly read/interpret human emotion. however when sky does learn she also has to unteach themselves a lot of shit that they ended up internalizing as a part of her difficulties with accepting skies flaws

in short, yes? but only when they can actually discern what was a genuine mistake on skies part and not just her brain being a shitter, and that's where the true problem lies for her

46. would they lie to get out of trouble?

and speaking of "lies" and "not knowing how to judge what's a genuine mistake and what isn't".

i think part of their unwillingless to admit that she's ever done anything wrong is that. well. sky doesn't really get in trouble. i don't have many examples of this like. off the top of my head but even if sky did do wrong, she doesn't have any superiors to punish them. they're literally at the top of the chain, with the only person who actually exceeds skies level of power being absent. like. all the time. and yeah python's technically equal to sky in power but yk. they're besties. python's more likely to made excuses for her than anyone (which he's thankfully never done in a serious situation, but it totally would if the situation ever arose.) besides, it's not like anyone else in skylight really listens to him anyway. swift technically would have no obligation to listen to him, even though they would because the two are 🤞 like that

i think the prospect of swift actually getting into trouble with someone is really interesting. it's putting my brain in a pinball machine. because it's not like swift can't or doesn't do anything morally reprehensible. there are plently of things sky does that she would be held accountable for if she were human, or even a lower-ranking god. hell, they're the person who puts the entire universe in danger by not properly fulfilling skies duties as the god of negative energies, even if she didn't do it on purpose. that's bad. if sky was anyone else, they'd be in trouble for that. of course she's a major player in fixing that but. ÷[=&#(#&=@*#&

i just. don't think sky'd know how to handle being in trouble. it's foreign to them. they'd buckle under the pressure. she wouldn't want to admit to doing something wrong, and yet sky wouldn't want to lie about it either. i do ultimately think that she's so heavily against lying that she'd never do it, but at the end of the day, it's not really about the principle of feeding someone misinformation. it's about the fact that lying, in and of itself, is wrong to them, and that's just an immovable core of their beliefs. and all of that is making the assumption that she wouldn't just. shut down. after getting in trouble. ohhhhh my god sky is so flawed but i love them so much it's *=÷,@(=&÷(=;=(×]÷*$?"(#*÷÷,%(=&=(#&=×($,#($(")%*×&×($(

#swift #sky's so wacky silly. to me.

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purplesaline · 2 years ago

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I know a lot of people are probably experiencing this so I wanna say a couple things

Firstly, chances are you're not wrong and there's something unhealthy going on. If you have interpersonal trauma you'll be exquisitely fine-tuned to body language and tone of voice and all the other non-verbal indicators that identify how a person is really feeling. You've had to in order to survive.

So there's something going on. Don't gaslight yourself because once in awhile you project. This is one of those things where it's better safe than sorry anyway.

The second thing to know is don't push. Check in once in awhile to give them the opportunity to open up to you but if they say they're okay you need to let it drop. Respond with something like "Okay good! I just wanted to make sure. If you ever are in trouble though I'm here to help if you need it." If you push you'll just activate their fight/flight response and they won't feel safe enough around you to ask for help.

If they're not admitting to being in an unhealthy relationship either they aren't ready to talk about it or they aren't ready to see it, and you can't force them to either. This is the hardest part, standing by and wanting to save them but having to just watch and wait and hope they'll ask for help if they need it.

While you wait just make occasional comments like "No way would I let my partner tell me what I can and can't do with my hair" "I hope you asked him to check your spending for you and he didn't just decide to do it on his own" keep it in thr same tone as they were using, and just keep making occasional comments that suggest their partner's behaviour isn't normal or healthy. Those comments will be little seeds that will grow over time.

And more than anything else, don't judge. If you want to be seen as a safe person to go to when they eventually decide they need to get out of that relationship you need to be as non-judgmental as possible. They'll already feel bad they didn't see the signs sooner and if they feel like you're going to judge them for it their lizard brain will interpret that as a threat and it'll trigger the fight/flight response, which may even push them back to the relationship out of spite.

TLDR;

You're probably right but while you can lead a horse to water you can't make them drink. You just have to stand by and wait and hope they'll realize how thirsty they actually are, and be there to help if they need it.

she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let

and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment

and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.

and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment

and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?

to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.

and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.

you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.

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indiemovies · 2 years ago

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(in response) EXACTLY

canon nancy has been... through so much people-wise. apart from her blood family, nancy's had no one-on-one relationships survive, or end all that well

steve's out of high school, and it's pretty evident they don't spend much, if any at all, time together. jonathan's been in cali for a year, and the both of them are definitely aware things are sliding downhill. barb- well. barb and fred are pretty self explanatory. but the point is, ever since she lost barb, she hasn't really figured out how to be much of (and i mean this in the nicest way) a functioning member of human society

and honestly, it's not exactly clear if barb's death was the proper catalyst for this. because even before, nancy was struggling to maintain a balance between keeping her best friend + their relationship the same, and trying to date king steve. barb was absolutely right, nancy was acting Off and doing things that weren't true to herself

but after losing barb, nancy was. quick to spiral into place of depression and guilt and trying to deal with trauma while keeping her head above water and holding up appearances as virtually everyone around her, even those who were involved, seemingly moved on with their lives. idk what it was about nancy and barb, whether nancy loved barb or vice versa, or none of the above, but it seemed like that was her one true friendship. the only other times we see her hinting at having other friends is when she gets an invite handed to her at the door by tina, and when she tells her mom she's sleeping over at ally's or stacy's (though later we see karen. saying the wrong name which clearly implies that nancy doesn't talk much to her parents about said friends, because karen can keep track of mike's friends fairly well imo)

and exactly as you said !!!! fred's death dragged all of her insecurities and past traumas back up and into the open, and while she's trying to (once again) wrap all her interpersonal troubles up with duct tape and shove them in little boxes in her brain to deal with the more physical, earth-threatening issues at hand, robin hurricanes into her peripheral. so nancy starts to let robin in bit by bit, etc etc, and then. the finale. and of course nancy's gotta be the one (wo)manning the plan, because if she can do anything to make sure her loved ones aren't ripped away from her by this bastard, she will. except, the plan sorta goes to shit, through no fault of her own, and-

gOOD GOD WHEN WILL THE WRITERS PLEASE ADDRESS NANCY'S ONGOING TRAUMA WITH HER LOVED ONES !! because it seems like a good portion of the fandom writers are occupied kissing steve's ass (or having eddie kiss said ass) and yknow. there's nothing wrong with that ship, or having favorites who aren't nancy. but just... there's so much to explore and delve into, even if she's not always the easiest-to-love character. god this is so long and rambly i apologize

in conclusion, i love nancy wheeler, and i love her more for her flaws and the fact that she, badass who wields guns and kills monsters, hasn't quite figured out the living-a-normal-life part, especially when you try to throw her own emotions into the mix

SCREAMINGGGGG......THIS ALL OF THIS!!!!!!!! never apologize for sending a long nancy message to me bc it is truly the greatest gift anyone can bestow upon me and you are enabling to reciprocate by talking about nancy for a long time as well

ok um YES i agree with everything you said especially about stuff starting even before barb's death. i hate barb discourse (though i understand how the overhyping can lead to retroactive hatred) i just think the dismissal of either barb or nancy as a bad friend is just the most boring and lame way you can approach that dynamic. i love nancy going through normal teen girl struggles of wanting to be different but also wanting to fit in. and her relationship with barb being such a necessary element in this conflict. AND PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND THEY WERE LITERALLY CHILDHOOD GIRL BEST FRIENDS who were maybe intense and maybe had feelings for each other they could never quite understand. and that intensity can lead to things like jealousy/possessiveness/resistance to change. so maybe they were both bad friends or neither of them were but that doesn't even matter bc they were each other's best friend.

and i think post s1 nancy struggled so much trying to be a normal teen girl again. everything she longed for at the start of the show seems so frivolous to her now that she's experienced a loss that has shaken her. that's in part why her relationship with steve didnt work, it wasnt bc she associates his pool/their first time with barb's death (or at least it wasn't just that) it's that barb's death forced her to grow up and shattered the illusion of normalcy and complacency for her. she's like what did i use to want and why did i ever want that. and ever since mid-s2 then she's been gogogo, not stopping bc she knows the second she does 1)she has to face her own thoughts and feelings and 2) she feels like she has to protect people through her proactiveness, whether that's her loved ones or some innocent civilian being victimized by authority/government without accountability (does this make sense. she is a true for the people journalist imo) and so she can't stop.

but i really hope in the final season she can get a moment where she CAN stop. where someone makes her. sits her down and talks to her and tells her she doesn't have to responsible for everyone and every bad thing in the world. and i hope that person is EITHER robin or mike.

also i agree with you on that last point lol obviously anyone can like whoever they like (as long as it's not b*lly) and i like steve and eddie!!! but i feel like all of their scenes, characterizations, and possible backgrounds have been analyzed and talked about to hell and back. meanwhile nancy has not slept in 52 hours and is mean to people to keep them out so if she loses them it won't hurt as bad (but she still tries so desperately to save them) and acts more like an alert aggressive guard dog for her family rather than a daughter/sister atp and her face lights up when she finds her old stuffed animal and. no one is talking about it but she is literally THE CHARACTER OF ALL TIME. it's so annoying when people are like "i hate this character for [intentional character flaw/mistake that is literally what makes them so interesting]" GROW UP!!!

also it is going to be hilarious and sad when she shows up to emerson as this battle-hardened serious journalist freshman and she cant help but resent her roommate bc the worst thing that ever happened to her was her parents divorcing. nancy cannot be a functioning member of society at this point!!! and this leads perfectly into my "nancy gets laid off from a newspaper at age 27 and opens a supernatural detective agency" vision

#nancy wheeler you can shoot vecna with a shotgun but you cannot shoot your trauma!!!!!! confront it <3 #tldr; someone take away this girl's gun and hand her a dsm!!!!#asks like this make so happy i love talking about nancy and i love hearing what you have to say!#it is funny that shes so abrasive but shes the most desired woman in hawkins but she's sm more than her romantic relationships #answered #anonymous #nancy wheeler

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