#because if I were a kid who’s personality was constantly compared to their parents I would LOSE it

[ahli-stuff]

Felt a little silly . My fyozai kid comic wip has over 11 pages somehow featuring NO Dazai or fyodor directly

[mintaikk]

Why Blitzø Likes Stolas

I've made jokes about Blitzø liking Stolas bcuz his type is tall, rich, powerful demons with musical talent, and that's probably kinda true, but I wanna talk about the real reasons Blitzø likes Stolas. Tldr at the end.

I think one of the major reasons Blitzø likes Stolas is how kind, sincere, and affectionate he is. Stolas is always making sure he is okay and is very passionate about litterally everything he does (dramatic little bitch, lol). And while he's ignorant ("my impish little plaything"???), he does mean well. Taking Octavia to Looloo Land to make her feel better, Going full demon mode to save IMP, his attentiveness to Blitzø during his mental breakdown in Seeing Stars, him absolutely adoring Octavia, him helping Ozzie when he gained no real benefit, etc, etc.

Also, expanding more on the affectionate part, Blitzø is shown to not get much affection or love in his life at all. His family situation was a giant mess (his dad literally sold him for 5 bucks and a condom Jesus Christ-), and Stolas is a very loving and affectionate person. Obviously, this is shown with Blitzø, but also with Octavia ('my precious little starfire', always staying patient with Via, even if he can be a bit dismissive, going full demon mode when Blitzø said he lost Via), and even his plants (he raised the flesh-eating plant since he was a kid, he pets the plant, on his insta he called a puprle rose "a handsome little rose"). And yeah, he's going to be affectione with Via, that's his daughter, but in Hell, (or maybe just from Blitzø's perspective, it'a hard to tell honestly) that's shown to be a rarity. So obviously, he's going to admire that about him.

And also, compare that to Blitzø's life. His dad saw him as less than, something happened that made his sister hate him, his mom seemed to be a good parent, but she's dead, his best friend and former crush hated his guts for 15 years, his daughter does care about him but she also mostly just shows anger and annoyance with him, and even Moxxie, who'd I'd argue is his best friend, gets annoyed with him constantly (I would too tbh but this isn't about that). Stolas just being his loving and affectionate self and being so happy to see him and always being so sweet to Blitzø is like a breath of fresh air to him.

Another thing is that Stolas shows clear interest in the things he likes. Take horses as example, bcuz we all know Blitzø is obsessed with them. Most of the time, his friends are pretty passive about it, but Stolas actually indulges him. Some of this is from their instas, but Stolas got him a horse Hoodie, he draws horses with him, and Stolas even got inspired to draw because of Blitzø.

(Also, plz note that in another post he commented that it smells like Stolas, and I want everyone to appreciate how happy he looks in this photo while smelling it again)

Blitzø probably admires Stolas's theatrics as well because despite growing up in a Circus where you were supposed to be dramatic and showy, he was still always taught to ignore or hide his true emotions (Cash ignoring that he didn't want to go to the Goetia Palace because "MONEY"). And while Stolas was raised the same way, he still wears his heart and emotions on his sleeve and is always showing them, whether it be positive or negative

And we all know thst Blitzø has major self hatred issues, but Stolas was genuinely interested in Blitzø as a person. Laughing at his jokes, asking how his day went, and with all of this, you can't help but wonder if Blitzø was figuring out that he did too. I think that's why he was so heartbroken about Ozzie's. Because to him, Stolas hiding his face was just proof that Stolas didn't care. That he was just a little plaything. But, Blitzø liked that Stolas liked him for who he was, and that he didn't have to pretend to be someone different.

Yes, ik Blitzø wasn't here for some of them, and he thinks that Stolas is just faking all of this. BUT, Blitzø can notice things subconsciously, and the stuff that Blitzø wasn't there for was to talk about Stolas's character as well. That's why I wanted to talk about this, to talk about what Blitzø sees in Stolas and his character.

Feel free to add anything if you want! I'd love to hear your guy's opinions, takes, and thoughts on the ship. I'm probably gonna a make a post on why Stolas likes Blitzø at some point, lol

Tldr; Blitzø likes Stolas because he's kind, sincere, loving, affectionate, passionate, caring, dramatic, and likes Blitzø for who he is.

[autistic-ben-tennyson]

Ben and Gwen: lonely kid and gifted child

I’ve thought a lot about these two and their family dynamic. Both are relatable to me but in different ways. Like Gwen, I’ve always been the “mature” one who was good at school and loved by the adults in my life, but I also don’t have any friends and have a desire for fame and attention like Ben. At first glance, they seem to have little to complain about, being white kids with stable homes and two parents, compared to someone like Kevin, but there’s more to a character than just the surface and I think both have a lot of emotional issues relating to their self worth.

With Gwen, we get glimpses into her life and how everyone views her as perfect. Sunny envied how she was adored by her parents and Verdona and Gwen wished her mother would stop thinking of her as the “good influence”. All the adults in her family loved her and expected her to be the role model for the other kids which is a double edged sword. Yes you get praise and love but also pressure and high expectations. You’re expected to babysit the other kids and often have to bury your true feelings to please everyone and people will envy the love you get. And that love is often conditional and based around living up to their standards, remember how Natalie told her “normal people don’t glow” and how she doesn’t like her daughter or nephew using their powers around her.

As a kid, she was constantly doing extracurriculars like cotillion and judo before earning a scholarship to go to college early in Omniverse. We got a glimpse into her daily life in “It’s not Easy Being Gwen” where everyone expects her to fulfill certain obligations. Gwen seems like a child prodigy who feels she has to be the best and is always filling her schedule with activities and is always trying to get into the top schools. I think that’s why she fell for Kevin. He was the only one who loved her without putting her on a pedestal or because she’s family. The only person she could be herself around and doesn’t force her to act like a perfectionist. People complain about her outfit change in OV and I agree with some of the criticisms, but with all the pressure in her life, I get why she would want a change from the expectations in her life.

Ben strikes me as someone with a deep inferiority complex. It’s implied that he’s a bit of a loner who doesn’t have many friends with JT ditching him for Cash. He did get along better with Sunny which makes me wonder if he can relate to being in Gwen’s shadow. Fans talk about how great Carl and Sandra are as parents and while they are nice people, their free range approach can seem negligent. They only seemed concerned about Ben’s heroics once they witnessed it. By that time, Ben had been on late night road trips with Kevin, who punched holes in their doors, for weeks and didn’t even come home one night in “Save the Last Dance”. Ben may have acted the way he did in the OS as a cry for help as he feels neglected and the favoritism everyone has towards Gwen may rub off on him. It reminds me a bit of how Steven from SU acted the way he did in the early episodes because he was constantly being left alone without the gems or Greg while being compared to Rose. Kids who don’t have friends nor get much attention while living in a family member’s shadow can and do develop inferiority complexes.

Ben’s desire for fame seems to stem from wanting to be loved and wanting to feel special. He becomes so full of himself because people finally love him as opposed to viewing him as some average kid. Fans have dismissed the bullying he faced as cliche or unnecessary but it adds to his character. A lonely, bullied kid who’s in the shadow of his overachieving cousin will want something that makes him feel special, like the Omnitrix. Ben has to learn throughout the 4 shows that he is the hero, not the watch. I think that’s why he loved using transformations like Four-arms, Humungousaur and Feedback so much even if they were inadequate for the situation as they made him feel confident. The way he fights is reminiscent of standing up to a bully too, picking an intimidating form, offering a chance to back off and then doing what he can to stop the threat. It’s easy to write him off as just a spoiled brat or narcissistic but I think 1, that’s ableist and 2, is a rather shallow way of looking at his character. While he can be insufferable at times, is it wrong to want acknowledgement or praise when there’s people like Will Harangue or the Rooters who hate you just for existing? I think he deserves a break from fans who hate him and he acts a lot better than most kids would in his situation. Compare him to Shinji Ikari from Evangelion, who I also love as a character, who would break down after seeing what Ben has to deal with every day.

I think both may envy each other at times. Gwen has been shown to be jealous of Ben getting all the glory as well as how Ben was given a car by her boyfriend despite her parents being wealthier. Like Sunny, Ben may have viewed Gwen as a stuck-up overachiever who got all the respect from their parents. That was until they bonded and became friends in the OS but it occasionally came back like when Ben lashed out at her for telling him he couldn’t use Feedback, believing she was trying to take the only thing he had. Because they have it easier than Kevin, it’s easy to expect them to just get over it but I think both Tennyson cousins need a lot of therapy and need to talk about their issues with each other. Both characters mean a lot to me and remind me of my own struggles.

[dashofmonsters]

Dreamers & Delusions- Pt. 2

Merman x Female Reader

"I'll have to go into hibernation if it gets too cold or if I can't find something to do. The acclimation program already knows about my kind and our issues with the cold so they have accommodations for winter," he explains.

"Well I hope it doesn't get too cold then, would be a bummer if I couldn't come see you," you smile at him.

Tao's eyes go wide for a second before he clears his throat, "Yes well it would indeed be a bummer... Especially since we have just decided to be friends."

"Right?" you beam.

You and Tao talk and talk almost to the point where it's just about silly things or what he's struggling with during his acclimation. You find out he's a very literal person who has issues the most with slang, metaphors, and emotes. He lives in a rental that's about a couple miles away from the beach and he usually walks to work or the local grocery store since he can't fit into normal vehicles.

After a little bit of work though you find out an even more endearing side to him, he likes to try his hand at cooking ever so often. Though he prefers his meat raw, he likes the idea of charring the outside and adding bits of flavor. He was a little embarrassed to admit it but you found out it's because his father was supposed to show him how to create a feast to impress a mate per tradition.

You didn't press as to why his father didn't teach him seeing he was already uncomfortable enough to admit it. So you decided to share a bit of something uncomfortable about yourself.

"My mom never taught me how to do a lot of basics that most parents are supposed to teach their kids. I had to watch a lot of how to videos and make myself look like an idiot if I messed up or didn't know something. A lot of people assumed I was stupid or had no common sense. I just didn't have a point of reference and I hated being ignorant but I was judged for my short comings and no one ever helped," you admit.

Tao nods and gives you his first, though very small, smile.

"Is that why you are forgetting things constantly?" he asks with the slightest smirk.

"Yeah...sure," you feel a bit embarrassed by his question, but you'll never confess that you 'forgot' those things just as an excuse to talk to him.

"I see, I will take that into account that due to your upbringing that you just don't think about these things and I will stop being annoyed by it," he nods.

"You were annoyed," now you feel a little hurt.

"Of course I was, but no more than I usually am," he shrugs.

"That doesn't sound fun," you grimace. "You can't just be annoyed all the time."

"I'm not annoyed when I'm at home," he says.

"Lucky," you laugh.

"Why? Are you unable to be at peace at home too?" he gives you a look of genuine concern then.

His number one thing seems to be peace. He's a no nonsense guy who just wants to go about his day with no hiccups. His life honestly seems perfect compared to your at times.

"Only when I'm sleeping or about to leave for work. Peace... that doesn't come easy to someone like me," you frown.

Tao studies you then as he drops to your eye level. You should feel super uncomfortable but for some reason you don't mind. He stares hard at your face and scans it until he nods.

"You do look very tired," he says.

You can't help but to laugh at his observation, "Tao, I'm going to let you in on a secret: I'm always tired."

"That is unhealthy," he scowls.

"Yup and there's nothing I can do about it," you shrug.

"Yes there is, you could go home and sleep," he says, almost ordering you to do so.

That's when you can't help but to crack up. It's horrible that this is how you cope, but it is.

"If I went home to sleep right now, my grandmother would give me an earful about being lazy," you laugh.

Tao doesn't laugh, he doesn't smile, doesn't do anything except stand up slowly and prowl over to you.

You shut up real quick thinking something is wrong until he picks you up. You yelp, being carried in one arm at his hip like a sack of rice.

"What are you doing?!" you squawk as you sway when he shifts to carry you princess style.

He doesn't say anything until he sets you down onto your tie dye towel.

"Rest, I'll make sure no one bothers you while you're here," he says.

You can't help but feel a mix of emotions then. Your eyes water a little but you swipe away any moisture before a tear falls.

"Thank you, that's probably the sweetest thing anyone has said to me in a long while," you smile at him.

And Tao in all his Taoness, just nods.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Tao really meant it when he said no one would bother you while you were on the beach.

The day after he said that, you had what was possibly the best beach nap you've ever had thanks to Tao brining you a beach chair with your name on it. Literally.

At first it felt weird that he'd go that far just for you to get a beach nap but you guessed it might be some cultural thing and as far as Tao said, you're his only friend. You thanked him and didn't think much of it until the day after that.

A group of teenagers were playing volleyball a little too roughly and one of the guys fumbled and the ball got you right on the head even though you did your best to dodge it. The boys tried to apologize but Tao gave them an earful about respect and being more spatially aware.

That too was normal for Tao though he was a bit harsher than usual. Unfortunately it got worse.

Yesterday was a blessed off day. No work, your grandmother was out thrifting to her heart's content, and all your bills had been paid. You were excited to head to the beach but that excitement was short lived.

The first thing you noticed was that your chair was pulled a little closer to the guard tower. Next was that Tao wasn't in the tower but leaning against the ladder like he was expecting some shit to hit the fan any second. And finally, the group of muscle hunks posing as they flexed for the cameras.

Apparently some magazine decided this spot was the perfect location for some weird gym rat protein powder ad photo shoot and to make matters worse, they tried to rope Tao into it.

Before you sat down though, Tao made a bit of a scene by scooting your chair even closer to the tower while making eye contact with one of the big buff dudes.

You told him he was being a bit extra to which he said he was only being cautious as they had been eyeing you since you started walking down the beach. You rolled your eyes, ready to tell him that there's no way they'd be interested in you until he thrusted a binder in your direction.

It was a detailed list of ingredients, dishes, and recipes commonly enjoyed by all saltwater merfolk with a few dishes his kind liked the most. You had almost forgot that he said he'd make this list for you so when he gave it to you, you almost cried.

You thanked him and started fanning through the pages and noticed his hand writing was especially nice on dishes that his people particularly enjoyed. You gave him a quick side eye and smiled.

These are probably his personal favorites, you think.

As you started to skim through the recipes with the neatest hand writing a shadow fell over you.

It was one of the buff guys.

He gave you the most generic social media fake ass grins ever and you couldn't help the eye roll. He started to introduce himself but was hardcore interrupted when Tao drove him into the ground like a fucking bull.

Tao and the buff guy started hashing it out until his bros came and peeled him away from the fight. It was the first time you really really saw Tao's teeth. Sharp and pointy like a shark's and then there was the spike like fins on his lower arms and legs. He looked like a mad dog ready to rip someone in half.

You heard one of the photographers comment on how territorial some of the fair folk can be with places or people they claim as their own.

If that was the case, then you guessed it might have to do with your friendship with Tao. If it wasn't, then he's about the get a stern talking to.

~~~~~~

"He was bothering you, I don't see why you're upset with me," Tao says after you lectured him about yesterday.

"I'm upset you dingbat because shit like that can get you sent back to your home realm! Do you think I want my friend to get deported over shit like that," you poke his arm, but it ends up being a jab.

Tao opens his mouth then closes it. He looks around a bit then let's out a long sigh "I'm sorry. I really don't know what's come over me. After I moved here, I didn't have my shoal. My sponsor checks on me maybe once every three months since he's been busy working with another merman who's been trying to get his pass here. I guess the loneliness drove me a bit crazy."

Now you feel bad for making him feel bad but you hope your gift will more than make up for it. You worked all morning long on it, double checking to make sure the meat was ready and perfect right before you left the house and that the sea greens were cooked and seasoned just right.

"Well moving past that, I brought you something," you take out the lunch box and show it to Tao.

He looks down right shocked as he goes to reach for it. He carefully removes the lid and his eyes stare hard at the contents.

"You made this... for me," his voice is soft and quiet and you can hear the pain behind it. He hesitates for a moment then takes a slice of the thin cut beef and pops it in his mouth. He closes his eyes and tilts his head back and swallows. He's quiet for a minute and you're afraid you messed up and he's too nice to tell you other wise.

"Tao if it's bad you can just tell me, I can take the criticism," you tell him, ready for the critical blow.

Instead he tilts his head back down and opens his eyes. The whites are now all black which makes his yellow irises pop even more so.

"My friend, if this was bad I would have spat it out," he grabs two more slices and then a few more practically stuffing his face like a kid who was caught with a bag of candy.

You watch as he eats everything, savoring every bite like he hasn't had a decent meal in ages. His harsh features soften as he takes the last bite and licks his fingers clean. For some reason you focus on him as he rolls the sauce off of his fingers and onto his tongue.

Bad lonely thoughts, Tao is our friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

"So was it good?" you ask, though you can probably guess the answer by the clean plate.

"If I was mermaid being offered a feast, I'd allow you the honor to continue courting me," he jokes.

"Oh what an honor," you laugh.

For the first time since you've met him he laughs back. You can't help but stare at him and feel a smile build up that hurts your cheeks.

"Thank you, really. I have tried and tried to create something that tastes like home but it was never quite right. It was either too salty or I over cooked the meat or the greens were under cooked somehow. This is pretty close to the flavors of my shoal. I didn't realize how much I missed this," he looks down at the empty lunch box with a mix of emotions.

Something in you feels for him. You haven't had a taste of home in forever but your problem is that you're pretty sure that it would make you physically sick instead of homesick. Home never felt like home, here didn't feel like home until you met Jessica and Tao.

Jessica made you her to die for pie for you birthday which you almost threw up from over drinking when she took you bar hopping for your birthday. Tao gave you an amazingly detailed binder of saltwater mer foods and recipes.

You can't think of anything better than food that brings all sorts of peoples together, human or the fair folk.

"Well, I can't do it all the time but I can at least make you a boxed lunch once a week, how does that sound," you smile at him.

"If it weren't for the fact that you're human and my friend I'd think you were trying to court me," he laughs. "But yes, that sounds good."

You play slap him and he laughs again.

~~~~~~~~~

"For the last time Jes, there's nothing romantic going on between Tao and I," you roll your eyes as Jessica gives you her biggest grin.

"Uh huh, sure girl. Maybe you don't see it that way, but guys don't risk getting deported for just friends and not just once. This is what, the second offence? He's lucky that he's, oh what did you say? A combination of a bookish mafia boss, the inspiration for the statues of deities and all around hotty mchot hot hot," she wriggles her brows at you before popping another slice of gum in her mouth.

You snort laugh, "I did not say that last one Jes."

"No, but you were thinking it," she raises a brow and twirls around till she's behind the counter.

"Listen, I can find him physically attractive and still not want more than a friendship. Plus he hasn't come onto me so I'm pretty sure he's not into me like that," you sigh and continue cleaning the table you just cleared.

Jessica hums something and clicks her tongue, "Girl you do know he's not human right? That he might have been coming onto you from the get go without you realizing it? Shoot for that matter he might not even realize it himself."

That has you curious now.

"What do you mean by that," you look over you shoulder to see Jes twirling a red curl.

"Oh you know, that the fair folk believe in fated mates and things like that," she gives you a cheesy grin and blushes a little.

You do know about the fated mates thing, it's one of the reasons a lot of fair folk, especially the guys, flocked to this realm in droves once the rift border opened up. With the fae it was pretty easy to tell once the bond clicked which wasn't always immediately. Their calm and calculated appearance would become wild and untamed. They would get quickly territorial and easily violent towards anyone who came close to their mate. A mark would usually show above the heart and a matching one would appear on their mate once their bond was consummated.

As for merman, no one had any idea what to look for since they just started coming this side as of a few years ago.

"Yes, I'm well aware about that. So what does that have to do with him not know if he's coming onto me," you ask.

"They know it deep down and act on it sometimes. They don't even realize they're courting you half the time or that they have this desire to want to be with you. It's hardcore ingrained into their DNA or something, I don't know. But it sounds to me that he is indeed into you. You're both just too oblivious to see it. Unlike Artek," Jes grins at the mention of her wild fae lover's name and sighs.

And suddenly her weird school girl crush behavior makes sense.

"Jes, did you and Artek.... Wait a sec, are you and-"

Jessica folds down her top just enough for you to see part of a swirling mark above her heart. She shakes in place with the goofiest smile you've ever seen on her.

"Just found out last night. Oh and he did not want to let me go," she places a hand on her forehead and feigns being scandalized. "But I have to go to work. He threatened to come in and tear Mikey a new one if he so much as thinks he can schedule me during my bond week," she give a vicious grin then.

The fae took about a week to celebrate their mate bond here, which was a much shorter version of their actual month long festivity of it. Mates were so rare on their side for some reason but here it was becoming as normal as two humans getting married. It just happened, but it was equally special if not more so.

Regardless, you were happy for Jes. Mikey tried to take everything from her in their divorce but got next to nothing after a detective brought in proof of his multiple affairs. That's why he's such an ass to her here.

"So, when's your bride feast huh? Gonna go all out," you turn to her and cross your arms.

Jessica goes into great detail about what she wants to do for the rest of the shift. That Artek has invited his large ass family this side to celebrate and that he's already started sourcing materials for their marriage bed. It was more than obvious that she's over the moon and can't get over the fact that she's found the one after years of dealing with a heartache.

Mikey tried to shut her down but several of the fair folk patrons snapped at him saying that it's a blessing that her and Artek found one another and he shouldn't discourage her happiness. His flustered face was priceless.

~~~~~

"Hey grandmama, I'm home," you shout as you slide your shoes off at the door.

Your grandmother's house is unusually quiet for this time of day when she's usually scrolling through her phone while listening to her soap operas. You look around and the livingroom is empty and so is the kitchen. You're about to call her when you see a note on the fridge saying Gayle has whisked her away for margaritas with the girls.

"Fuck me sideways and call me bob," you rake your fingers over your face in frustration. As much as you can't stand her normal antics you loath her when she's drunk. If you're lucky, Gayle will have her spend the night at her house until their hangovers wear off. If you weren't, there's a nice beach with your name on it.

Typically you'd go there after work but you're tired and you have the house to yourself right now. So you stretch and crack open the fridge and start preparing for a blissful night of snacking and binge watching some of your favorite shows.

~~~~

Hours pass and you get a text from Gayle that she's taking your grandmother home with her since she's had one too many and sends you a pic of your grandmother trying to put a dollar bill in a male strippers strap.

"Thanks for the mental scarring Gayle, just what I needed," you text back to her knowing she'll get the joke.

Gayle was a close family friend and was more like a grandmother to you than your biological one was at times. She was sweet and caring with a crazy sense of humor and infectious laughter. You sometimes wish you lived with her but she travels too much and she likes her alone time just as much as she like partying.

You squirm in your grandmother's recliner and grab a bag of chips getting ready for the next show until you hear a frantic knock at your door.

The bag flies out of your hand due to your shock reflex and you place a hand over your heart.

The knocking continues as you rush to the door to check through the peephole. You can't see nothing.

"Who is it?" you ask.

"It's me, are you ok," you hear Tao's voice.

You pause, not remembering if you ever told him where you live aside from the general direction. You slowly open the door and look up at him. He looks worried out of his mind.

"Tao, are you ok? You look like you've seen a ghost buddy," you ask him.

His hair is all messed up and he's breathing fast and hard, trying to catch his breath and his tan skin looks like he worried himself sick.

"You didn't come to the beach today. You've been coming everyday except when it rains. I thought something happened," he frowns.

"Oh uh well, no I'm fine. My grandmother is out tonight so I thought I'd enjoy a night in since this rarely happens," you explain.

"I see, ok... That's good then. As long as you're alright," he nods and sighs as he leans against the top of the door frame.

A crack of thunder peels off in the distance causing Tao to flinch. He looks even more worried then.

"Sounds like rain," you comment.

"Yes, I... I should get going then, I don't want to accidentally transform back to my other form while walking home. It'd be very inconv-"

Before he finishes that thought lightning bursts through the sky and the little misting sprinkle turns into a torrential downpour.

Tao groans and looks resigned as he's about to turn to leave but you quickly stop him.

"Hey you can stay here for tonight if you want to wait out the rain," you tell him.

He looks to you like that's possibly the dumbest thing you could say.

"That sounds inappropriate," he glares at you. "Inviting an unmated male into your house is never wise."

"Tao we're friends and adults. I'm pretty sure I can trust you to keep your hands to yourself unless you've had ulterior motives from the get go," you cross your arms and stare up at him.

"It is still unwise," he nods, being firm.

"Oh so then you do have ulterior motives," you raise a brow.

"I never said that," he grimaces.

"Then there's no problem if you don't. Come on, get your ass in here," you open the door all the way and beckon him inside.

You hear him groan as he accepts his defeat while walking in. He struggles with the low ceiling, well low for him as he shuts the door.

"Is this your first time in a human house," you ask, leading him to the livingroom.

"Yes, it's very uh small and compact," he notes.

You get the compact part as your grandmother is a bit of a tidy hoarder, the small thing, that's probably due to his height.

"Well mi casa su casa. Well more like mi abuela's casa su casa, but still, make yourself at home," you say then try to offer him something warm to eat and drink.

Tao tries to deny any offers but you snap back saying it's rude to deny your hostess the honor of taking care of her guest. Tao eventually resigns and you bring him a warm cup of tea. As you go to the kitchen to make him something to eat he asks if he can watch you. You agree and start pulling ingredients left and right.

You get fully into the zone as you start preparing the food. You glance over at Tao ever so often just to see that he's fixated on your process. As you start cooking you notice the whites of his eyes turn black again. He sniffs the air and his pupils dilate.

"Want to try a bite," you offer him a piece and he takes it with no hesitation and scarfs it down. His nails which are sharp and pointed seem a bit longer and more pointier now. His expression looks more predatory than normal and some of his spikey fins have started protruding.

Guess that means he's really hungry.

"Give me just a few more minutes and dinner will be ready ok," you tell him as you continue on with his meal.

Tao just nods and stares daggers at pan. You feel like if you let him he'd lunge at it with reckless abandon and eat everything in record timing.

After a little bit you scoop the meat into a bowl and hand it to him. He looks at it and takes in a deep whiff before carefully grabbing a bite. He looks like he's holding back going ham on the food and you're wondering if he's trying not to scare you by going into some weird merman feeding frenzy.

"Hey if you need to eat however you want to eat, go ahead. I can just uh go into another room if you want some privacy or someth-"

Tao grabs a handful of the meat and stuffs his face with it. His pupils nearly engulf his irises making his eyes look pitch black. He tears into the strips of meat like a crazed hungry animal. The juices and sauce start dripping down his arms and you roll your eyes at the mess.

"I'm going to get you a towel, that stuff'll get sticky after a while," you say as you walk towards to laundry room.

Tao grunts and consumes some more meat.

As you get to the laundry room you smack yourself over the head for having another bout of terrible lonely girl thoughts.

Tao, smack.

Is, smack.

Just, smack.

A, smack.

Friend, smack.

You should not be even more attracted to him after that feeding frenzy trance thing he just went in and yet you can't stop thinking about it.

"God, does that mean I'm depraved," you question yourself. "Or does this just mean I'm weird and anything goes right now in my lonely haven't had sex in ages mind?"

Probably a bad mix of both...

You sigh and grab a towel and turn only to be met with a brick wall.

"Oh hey, are you done," you ask, praying that he didn't hear you questioning your sexual sanity.

He nods and cocks his head and points to the towel.

"Yeah, um here," you hand it to him and he slowly but carefully cleans himself off.

"So there's a guest bedroom in the back. Bed is probably a bit small for you even though it's a king size. It gets cold at night since my grandmother has the a/c on a schedule so I'll bring you some extra blankets," you tell him as you turn to go show him the room.

He quietly follows you and steps slowly into the room, smelling and inspecting it. You leave him be while you go grab a large comforter and a few throw blanket for him. When you come back he's already curled under the covers with his feet barely sticking out. As you go to lay another layer over him he snatches you and pulls you into the covers with him.

You flail about for a bit until you hear what you're pretty sure in a purr. You kick up the covers to see Tao asleep now and honest to gods purring. He pulls you in closer and just cuddles you. He's mentioned a few times that when someone gets cold that his shoal will form basically cuddle piles to stay warm. Maybe that's it and maybe he's also really homesick. He said he can never go back though...

"Just this once, jeeze. Not letting you go into a feeding frenzy next time I give you food," you snort laugh and try to relax against Mr. Brick wall.

Tao shifts a bit till he's holding you close enough that you can hear his heartbeat. He moves the covers and extra blankets back up and slowly drifts back to sleep.

You're a little jealous of how fast he can nod off but eventually you start dozing in and out.

He's probably going to flip the fuck out about this in the morning. Well, we'll deal with it then...

[rubydubydoo122]

could you talk more about fanon vs canon tim drake? i havent gotten too far into the comics yet but have seen a lot of him (mis?)characterized by others

Just a preface, I'm not gonna crucify any Tim fans who find themselves writing these tropes, because it is fandom, and everyone's allowed their own interpretations of the character, I'm just personally not a fan of these takes on Tim because in my mind they just don't make sense for the character. If anyone has differing opinions, feel free to (politely) explain them to me, because I'm happy to hear them.

Ok, so much like Fanon Dick Grayson, there are two versions of fanon Tim Drake.

There's version A.) where where he's one minor inconvienience away from becoming a supervillain (I understand where this one comes from and I don't HATE it) and there's version B.) where he was criminally neglected as a kid and is infantalized (This version of Tim I Loathe)

I'll start with version A. I see where it comes from. Mainly the Red Robin 2009 run, but we have to remember that Tim was grieving pretty much everyone close to him during that era. He was being self destructive because of that grief, and yeah, grief changes a person, but Tim is the type of character who would still turn out good despite all the hurt handed to him. Oh! But Gun Batman-- Tim actively chose against being that. He would rather kill himself than let himself become a version of Batman who went against everything Batman stood for. I know there are multiple storylines where Tim meets and evil future version of himself, but those versions would constantly be like a weight on him to be good. All in all, if I had to choose between the fanon Tim Drakes, I would choose villain Tim Drake, as long as it's done in more of a character-study way rather than a 'He deserves to go evil, as a treat' because it's an interesting take with the right motives.

Now onto Version B. Loser Tim Drake. The reason I Loathe this version of Tim is because it usually involves Characters Assassination of the characters around him. Ok, so do I agree that Tim Drake was somewhat neglected? Yes. But goddamit, the way I see Jack and Janet portrayed, you would think that they were running from the feds or something. They were good people, just bad parents. Maybe a little immature to raise a child, but it wasn't to the point where they would probably need to call CPS. Neglect isn't black and white, and the Drakes fell into that grey-- which I personally believe to be a lighter shade. You do have to remember that a lot of Tim's introduction was written in the 90's where parenting styles were a lot different compared to Today. Still, they sent him to boarding school, meaning they made sure that some form of adult was taking care of Tim AND a lot of people try to make Jack Drake out to be the villain for stopping Tim from being Robin, and blackmailing Bruce for it, but... It's What Any Sane Parent Would Do? I'm 18, but I know if I ever had a kid, and then fell into a coma and then woke up and found out that my Kid was fighting crime in one of the most CRIME RIDDEN CITIES alongside my middle-aged neighbor who dresses up like a furry I WOULD CALL THE FUCKING COPS. But enough about the Drakes. Because not only does Loser Tim Drake assassinate their character, but why is 17 year old Tim the victim when it comes to 10 year old Damian-- "Oh he tried to kill him' They're both trained by assassins. They're both trained. They're both Trained. Why Is a Junior/Senior in high school hurt by the actions of a 5th grader. I have a similar age gap with my younger brother. We have had pretty brutal fights and the next day we're fine. I'm not going to get into "Attack on Titans Tower AUs" but I will say this, Every Time I Start To Read One Of Those, I Lose Half Of My Hair Because of How Bad the Characterization Of Both Jason And Tim are. Please, Read, The, Comic. Jason Wasn't Trying To Kill Tim. If He Was, Tim would Be Dead. ANd Tim was Snarking Jason Through The Entire Confrontation. Lastly, Why Has DICK 'BAMF' GRAYSON TURNED INTO TIM"S NUMBER ONE OP????!!!! DIck IS LITERALLY TiM's ChiLDHOOD HEro!!!!! NoT BAtMAN, DICK GRAYSON. And like, not only that, Dick and Tim are the most brotherly. I'm Begging, Please go read a 90's comic. Why is it, the only time I see Dicks Manipulative side in fanon, It's in opposition to Tim? I bet it's bc of Teen Titans Go. I bet the only Tim and Dick interaction they've seen is TTG Robin going "No BOdy cARes AbOuT TiM DrAke"

Sorry that ended up becoming rant-y, and less objective. Since actually reading comics, fanon Tim Drake gets on my nerves.

[dreamwritersworld]

The perfect child. (Sully family x reader)

Y/n…the perfect child who they say would never burn out…

You see, Y/n was a perfectionist, always striving for her parents approval, always wanting more and she was always told to do everything right. She’s the oldest after all.

Jake was strict on Y/n and Neytiri was very gentle and loving. A mothers love was like no other. Now…Neytiri loved both of her older daughters but there was always something broken between the two…she treated both the same but it couldn’t be said Jake did.

He was encouraging and gentle towards Kiri, it made her learn quicker, faster and stronger. His teachings with his eldest were harder, faster, tiring. In his mind Y/n was supposed already be perfect…that’s all he wanted. Neytiri saw it as him trying to make a monster out of her, someone who would go farther than they could imagine to protect their children…but she was their child as well..? So if he handed off the responsibility to Y/n, she’d take it right off and comfort her.

They have fought many times on the topic of the way he raised the boys and Y/n…she was there for most of the arguments and she always watched from a far blinking away tears.

*flashback*

Earlier that day Y/n and Neteyam were going head to head on who’s the better warrior but Jake had given Neteyam better tasks to ensure he’d succeed more compared to Y/n.

When Neteyam won, Jake ripped into how Y/n had little mistakes. Neytiri pulled him into their home and ripped at him soon after…

“I mean really Jake, Y/n fought her heart out and the only thing you cared about was picking on the little things when she had already done her harder tasks perfectly.”

“Because she always gets frustrated easily if she doesn’t do good, she needs to be perfect otherwise who’s keeping her to be stronger against the world?”

“You put all of her siblings and people against her! That little girl is mortified all the time but you don’t care! How about being a “role model”? I have heard you say to Kiri, to a little nine year old girl, ‘y/n won’t be happy for you. she’s jealous of you’”

“She is! I don’t understand why we argue on this. Y/n turns off immediately when it comes to anyone who had shown they are better and she needs to stop.”

“You have sabotaged our daughter and the rest of the kids! Our children aren’t soldiers and you will not put them against each other!”

“Y/n is talented I’ll give you that but she needs someone to keep her humble and perfect! She is practically the future of this clan and if she makes a mistake the whole clan is going to talk about it."

-*

He wasn’t fully wrong…When Y/n failed it’s either she’d let the frustrated tears fall, or blink them away. However when Y/n finished her challenges her father was the first person she looked for, he would tell her what she still needed to work on. She felt like she needed to hear the truth, that’s what she was always used to.

In hindsight it was very sad for Neytiri to see how desperate Y/n was for her father approval. And it was equally sad to see how desperate Jake was for him to be in control of Y/n and her perfection. He would constantly put Y/n on a pedestal in public knowing it would put more weight on her.

Jake had many ways to make Y/n feel sick, it wasn’t his intentions but it felt that way.

*flashback*

8 year old Y/n was about to sing and dance in front of the clan, she was fully calm while her mother painted her face until Y/n noticed her dad beginning to approach her.

“Hey y/n!”

Y/n walked up to him as well and gave him a hug.

“Are you ready to be the best?”

Y/n swayed back and forth as she felt the nervousness come back up

“…I don’t know”

“Just be good. Don’t worry about anyone else.”

“I won’t! You make me nervous when you say that!”

“Do good!”

“Ok bye!”

Y/n tried to push her father out kindly, feeling overwhelmed.

“Go.”

Y/n gave a nervous smile at what her father slightly rushing her to be good

“You go! Please.”

“Ok I’ll let you go! Do good!”

The young girl walked back and Neytiri can tell the change in her emotions

“Are you alright?”

“Yea!”

Neytiri looked sideways at her daughter to get more answers

“…he just makes me nervous.”

Y/n sat quietly sick to her stomach while Neytiri kept painting feeling the same way her daughter was.

-*

For my loved ones I’d kill and I’d die for them. No hesitation. The nervousness went away once I had to protect and defend..I have…killed before. There was a day where the sky people entered in a forbidden part of the forest one where my siblings weren’t supposed to be.

*flashback*

There was red coming from two of the men I had killed while I turned to my siblings who were probably hidden in the forest. I didn’t hesitate, I had came out as soon as a gun was drawn…my blood ran cold. I called out for them once the coast was clear and when they came out they looked horrified.

“Im so sorry you had to see that. You aren’t supposed to be in this part of the forest you know that, we must leave now.”

They had already radioed my parents when I had finished oh…the look in my mothers eyes broke me.

They had fear. Fear for my siblings and I.

I was covered in red blood, and scars. I couldn’t even focus…I was so scared by what I had just done. My mind couldn’t remember it, I just went blank.

When my father went up to me slowly with a sly smile..

“Y/n you went on to become the greatest child warrior pandora has ever known. No one can match you efficiency, your ruthlessness!”

I felt sick to my stomach…I was only a child.

My mother rushed to hug me comforted me and repeatedly apologized…it wasn’t even her fault.

“Mother it’s ok! Truly, I just did what needed to be done. I handled it well and protected my siblings. ‘My siblings, my responsibility’. I’m fine.”

Y/n held her mother while she cried…Y/n just comforted her mom instead and blinked away her tears.

-*

No one knew how insecure i felt…how disappointed i was in myself. I was unsure if I was even good or bad…I felt like a monster but at the same time I thrived off of the praise my father sent my way for saving my siblings. I didn’t want to play this part but i would all for him. And this week was absolutely the hardest of them all.

*day one*

Lo’ak, Neteyam and I were all training! Yesterday my father had me learn more about healing next to Kiri as one of my tasks however I couldn’t beat her to it, not when my father was watching…piercing his eyes right through me.

Once we were done he lined me up with the boys and told us what needed to be achieved by the end of the week.

“You three are to start spotting next week. I don’t want anyone here that is not focus or achieving what they’re told. If you do good it makes us look better..Y/n you didn’t do as good at healing, you’re sister beat you so you failed. It doesn’t look good for us. Let me ask this question to all of you. How many of you are training when we aren’t together?”

Y/n looked down at her fathers degrading words disappointed that she didn’t beat Kiri. She nodded to her fathers question saying

“I do..”

Jake rolled his eyes and began losing his patience at the child who couldn’t land what she was told right, lately.

“Well…get off your butt, walk over to your grandmother and train for healing instead!”

Y/n immediately looked away blinking away pained tears…she was tired already, just the night before she stayed up training so she could be ready for the harsh week to come.

Jake spoke again..

“That’s your fault!…don’t embarrass me and do it right. Now go back to training.”

Y/n walked away while her two younger brothers watched her, they later had a conversation..

!Away from Y/n!

“Bro did you see how much Y/n wanted to cry? She’s always good at everything, I don’t know why she cries! She’s the favorite!”

“There's always pressure on Y/n, I mean she wants to please our parents. She can't go to training and be anything but perfect."

Lo’ak rolled his eyes at his brothers statement.

“No duh! But cmon bro you got to admit that sometimes Y/n tries too hard for dad’s approval!”

Now it was Neteyam’s turn to roll his eyes

“She’s the eldest, she needs to be perfect. In dad’s eyes she can be fumbling with her future and it’s not looking good for the family if she isn’t perfect.”

-*

*day three*

Since the day before Y/n spent the whole time training with her grandmother Jake made Kiri and her do an actual competition against each other on who can do stitching and healing ointments better.

Kiri was eager to beat the “perfect child” while Y/n was anxious and determined to prove her father that she has gotten better…she has no chance in winning, she was going against someone who only ever trained for healing while Y/n trained for everything in such little time.

Both of the children did well but Kiri ultimately won. Despite the win Y/n hugged Kiri and told her she’s a good healer. Jake hugged Kiri speaking words that Y/n wished was given to her.

“Even if you had the worlds biggest crown I wouldn’t be any Prouder of you than I am right now!”

The eldest child’s heart was left to yearn for her fathers love, inside she was crying for more than just being ignored. If Y/n won she was ok but if she lost she failed at everything. She didn’t understand his game anymore.

-*

*day four*

What Neytiri never knew was how Jake sometimes encouraged Y/n to break Neytiri’s instructions to Y/n. For example when Neytiri noticed her tiredness while Y/n was helping prep food and told her to take a break from training.

Y/n took a break just like Neytiri told her and when Jake walked into the room where Y/n was watching Tuk with small tears falling because she was panicking inside knowing her father would be upset at her.

“Y/n I want to talk to you.”

Y/n got up and walked past her siblings who had heard and felt how upset Jake was at Y/n

“What’s going on? Why were you not at training and then you were crying?”

“I was crying because training is my safe space but I was just tire-“

Jake cut her off while Y/n nervously played with her hands, hold back tears.

“Nu-uh! Every opportunity I have given you, came from my heart. That was awful Y/n. I don’t deserve that, I didn’t deserve any of it. There’s always another kid, there’s always somebody else. We love you. We were ready to work with you and you sat at home!”

Jake’s hurt expression made Y/n feel worse and she began crying at the pain and disappointment she caused.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why didn’t you get out of our home and tell your mother no I’m going to training!”

“I’m so sorry”

“That’s not going to cut it. It’s gonna take a long time for you to be better.”

When the family was ready to head to bed Neytiri saw Y/n’s bed empty she looked around to see the child sleeping with dried tears in a corner of a cushion where she had previously been watching Tuk. Neytiri shook her head and covered the child with a blanket knowing how stressed Y/n was.

-*

*day five*

The whole family went to a secluded place to do training. Neytiri watched Tuk until she heard Kiri tell her heartbreaking news

“dad won’t refer to Y/n by her name. He keeps calling her ‘that girl’ or ‘her’ or ‘she.”

Neytiri turned her head to face her other children and husband.

“You! Girl in the front move to the center.”

She sighed to her husband’s teaching methods. This was his way of punishing Y/n and making her do more work to make him ‘remember her name’

Neytiri called for a break and pulled Y/n away

“What’s going on my child you don’t see happy”

“He just says girl, he doesn’t even say my name.”

Y/n embraced the hug Neytiri gave her before telling Y/n it’s ok and to go back…this time Neytiri watched from afar.

“you were gone for a day! Not a year.”

Neytiri shakes her head and got up to pull Jake

“Our daughter has a name. She has a name Jake and you better stop holding a grudge.”

Jake came back to the children and began calling Y/n by her name. Neytiri protected her.

-*

*day 7*

Father has had me training all week and all day! I barley get any rest time, in fact I’m currently walking to where we train. It’s safer to say flying with my ikran would not have been a good idea, my tired body would bring me down with her. I was so exhausted and I felt so heavy, my heart was sinking into blackness as well as my eyes. Everything went black as I fell to the floor..

When I had woken up, I was terrified. Not because it was already eclipse or because i had fainted from exhaustion…it was because of my father. I have never done this before and I was supposed to be there to train. I ran my way back home, using up all the little energy I restored and opened my home to see my panicked family.

My father rushed to me and grabbed me by my shoulders searching for any wounds.

“I’m sorry sir, this won’t happen-“

“Damn right it won’t! You know how important training is Y/n. You will be leader of this clan soon! You must act like it. You do not show up late, you don’t act stupid, this is not ok…”

My father words began getting blurry as he yelled in my face about what I should’ve been doing instead and my body began feeling sick once again…I felt like I was drowning and my breaths were getting shorter. I can see my mothers mad face turn into worry as she slightly pushes my dad away from me.

“Y/n what’s wrong?”

I don’t know. I’m unable to speak back and I drop to my knees. My lungs felt closed up and I was struggling to catch a breath. I had tears in my eyes while my mother began talking again

“It’s ok Y/n. You’re ok. I’m here. Breath my child.”

Once my breathing got back to normal my mother allowed me to tell the story and urged me to get checked by grandmother…she didn’t allow my father to keep on yelling at me.

-*

*day 8*

My grandmother explained that I was just having attacks and that I’d be ok! Today the clan had a dancing ceremony, I wasn’t feeling well so I opted out on joining…until my father told the clan that I’d be joining the dance later that night.

I couldn’t say ‘no’. Not when my father talked up my name…I didn’t want to let him down.

The time for me to dance in the ceremony was coming and my nerves were so high..as I was walking to where the crowd can see me I can hear my dad

“Focus.”

“Represent.”

the pressure got worse from then but I pushed it away.

The clan began singing and dancing but I knew all eyes were on me…I was in the center and I felt my breathing feel heavy again…then suddenly I forgot the dance.

My couldn’t hold the fake smile and I ran off to go to the side where no one can see me.

I was begging for anyone to just help me.

“No! No! No! My father is going to freak out on me…I want to go again….I’ve never done this before. Can I please go again? Please!..please! My fathers going to hate me.”

Neytiri rushed to Y/n hugging her and pulling her away from the ceremony and fellow navis who had been there eyes widened to the visibly panicked child.

“My fathers going to hate me!”

“No he’s not Y/n.”

“He’s going to hate me! I’ve never done this…I’ve never done this.”

Neytiri wasn’t fully surprised that Y/n forgot her dance. Jake and her both put way to much pressure on Y/n. She was just 15 years old. Every single week and day she had to do tasks, train and protect everyone. If something wasn’t done correctly Jake would pinch at it all. Neytiri knew when to calm her down but Jake wanted Y/n to be his perfect child…he didn’t care that he was going to burn the kid out.

“I can’t breathe…I can’t breathe.”

Neytiri pulled Y/n down to sit calming her down more before she flew her back to their home.

“y/n you’re having anxiety and your father gets you so nervous. It’s ok. You are safe my child.”

Y/n was so afraid of her father it was killing her inside..Neytiri completely didn’t know what to do. Y/n loved training but her father was beginning to make her hate it. Once everyone arrived home Neytiri sent her and the rest of the kids out to do something. She didn’t fail to notice how Jake went to go up to Y/n and her breath hitched..like she was breathing in her last final breath.

“Go outside and play all of you!”

Neytiri looked at Jake directly in the eyes infuriated.

“We need to talk. You’re incredibly rude to Y/n you need to treat her with more respect.”

“I do! It’s just that when you are in the picture she looks at you.”

“Because she is afraid of you.”

“She goes completely blank. It’s like she’s competing with you and me. She’s a great kid but she looks at you with one eye, and she gets weak.”

“All she does is feel like she fails! You set her up to fail!”

“She’s the greatest her in the division, what do you not understand?”

“You have gone backstage before performances or challenges and have said ‘be like Kiri or Neteyam!’ Who does that to their child?!”

“Why wouldn’t she want to be like them? They are great.”

“Because Y/n doesn’t need to be like them Y/n is Y/n and that is good enough.”

“For who?!”

“For her.”

“Not for you.”

“Yes it it!”

“Then why are you pushing this idea that I set her up to fail?!”

“Because you knew she was sick and you threw her in there and humiliated our daughter.”

“I didn’t humiliate her! She did it herself when she forgot the dance.”

Neytiri couldn’t hear it anymore she began crying.

"Our daughter has been a wreck all week! And now she's having these attacks because she is afraid of you. And Afraid of what you are going to do it her! And you're allowing this with the relationship that you have with our kids and me! And it breaks my heart it is horrible!”

Jake grew silent while he saw his wife break right in front of him…

“I don’t think you get it! She’s tired! Tired of trying to be perfect for everyone, tired of training, tired of doing tasks. You just know the act she puts on! The ‘perfectness’ it’s done. You are hurting our daughter. Our children. Who’s next? Neteyam? Lo’ak? Kiri? You can not keep doing this to our children.”

Tears began falling from Jake’s eyes as he begins replaying old memories of how Y/n was treated…she was just a kid..how could he fix this?..

!💓!

Hope you enjoyed I just did this on the side because I’m trying to get to her stories done but I needed a breather 😊

P.S: Jake manipulating Y/n and isolating her slightly while Y/n didn’t realize really broke me! It was very obvious in the way he made her feel bad about obeying her mothers orders. She felt a lot of pressure and had many panic attacks during her childhood. This was just the first time anyone has seen it because it all became too much. She had such a strong passion for being a fierce warrior but her fathers harsh teachings is making it hard for her to enjoy the ‘hobby’ again. :(

Tag list: @noodlesfics @eywas-heir @itshype @zatarias-pandora @yeosxxx @arminsgfloll @tsireyak @neteyamforlife @aimsro @elegantkidfansoul @goodiesinthecloset21 @nikotokitaswife @bucky1235 @detectivesparrow @kikosaurscave @ssc7514 @simp-erformarvelwomen @eirianna @ambria @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @lv9su @luciddasher @dakotali @httpjiikook @tainted-artist4161 @fanboyluvr @bat1212 @mxn14 @innersuitcasehairdoscissors @ducks118 @midnightliacr @osakis-gf @onetwo123three @briannalarae @thirsty4nonlivingmen @historygeekqueen @abbersreads @eskamybeloved @hoodiepandaninja16 @valovesyou @silentlyswimming @r3dc4ndy @onlytays

[armins-main-hoe]

would you make katsuki x twinsister!reader? one where they're both equally talented and competitive 👉🏽👈🏽

Sorry for replying so late!!

I don’t think I can make a whole fic for this since I have 2 on going fics and already struggling to keep up with those but I’ll write it down in headcannon form, sorry :/

The Bakugo Twins

(not proofread)

Honestly as kids, you both were complete menaces. All the other kids in class would follow you both around, no kid would dare step up to you both. Though I can see that at some point it was half the class following katsuki and the other half following you. Talk about sibling rivalry...

You both got your quirk when you both were arguing, both equally hot headed, both shouting and screaming, suddenly bright sparks started coming out from your fists. You both were startled by this and forgot what you were arguing about in the first place.

You both bullied deku. Sorry, but I can only see you also have a superiority complex just like your brother. I mean you grew up in the same environment as your brother and you are expected by others to be just like him. No one has ever taught you otherwise so its was only natural for you to do whatever he does and think whatever he does and visa versa.

You both gave the poor quirkless boy a tough time...

Honestly, unlike how in the anime, Deku wasn't actually thinking about taking a swan dive off of the roof, with you also bullying him, it probably did cross his mind once or twice.

However, by middle school you both had developed your own personalities, though there was not much difference between you both to be honest.

He was a bully, ego as high as the sky, a hero nerd, a complete jerk to everyone and you were one of those popular girls who acted like a bitch with her friends laughing at the back. You were the prettiest girl in the school and you knew it.

Katsuki hated the fact that you were going to apply to UA too. You both had the same quirk, meaning that if you got in, he would constantly be compared to you and there would be nothing special about him since he would not be one of a kind. He didn't understand why you wanted to join UA either. Sure, you liked heroes too but you didn't have collectables like he did. You never showed much interest in becoming a hero while growing up, at least not as much as him anyway. So why would you even think about joining UA?

What he didn't know was that you were applying for UA because of more than just one reason. You both were twins, everyone knew Katsuki was going to to apply for UA since he wasn't exactly shy about it. So naturally everyone thought you were going to apply for UA too. Call yourself some odd variation of a people pleaser and you said "well duh, are you thick or something? Obviously I am."

Another reason was, your looks. Since you were labeled as the prettiest girl in middle school and it got to your head, your looks became an obsession for you. You had to look flawless all the time and you needed someone to compliment you about your looks at least 10 times a day.

What better way to get complimented on your looks than becoming a famous hero? Heros are more popular than any celebrity so obviously becoming a hero would give you more attention.

Another reason was your sibling rivalry, you hated it so much when he would come home first place in a competition that you also participated in. You hated it when he was clearly better than you at something. Since both of your quirks were so 'flashy' and 'dangerous', you both were always competing against each other on who can use their quirk better.

When it was the day of the UA results, you both were equally nervous. Though neither of you tried to show it, acting as if you just know you are 100% going to get in.

Both of you were hoping for the other to get rejected. However, to both of your dismany, you both got in.

You're parents were over the moon of course, both their kids getting into a school like UA was what they called their biggest achievement.

You felt happy too, but in your stomach you felt this uneasy feeling knowing your brother was coming to UA with you. Katsuki felt the same.

You both knew how much more you would have to fight each other for the spotlight. Middle school would be nothing compared to UA.

Upon coming to UA, you both struggled a lot in your own ways. In the first few weeks, everyone thought you both were the strongest (and scariest) in the whole class. Which is good. You wanted it to be that way

Imagine sibling rivalry plus class rivalry. Him in 1A and you in 1B. Both of you the strongest in your classes, both you the scariest in your classes. Everytime you cross one another, the hardest glares were thrown at each other.

The sports festival ended up a mess. Why? Simple, the Bakugo twins.

You both managed to get through most of the festival without killing anyone but once it got to the one to one matches...

The final match was one that everyone was dying to see, the twins facing each other. Two people with the same quirk. Everyone wanted to know who would win, everyone wanted to know who was better. Who was the better twin.

Class 1a were cheering for Katsuki and class 1b were cheering for you because while this match was mostly to see who was the better twin, it would also determine who was the better class since they had the winner in their class.

The only person who thought this was bad as Deku. The kid you both bullied was the only one who could see past the competitiveness and realise that this would end in a disaster. That this was doing more harm than good. That if either one of you were to win the match then it would break the thin sibling bond you both had.

You both began attacking each other left and right, at one point no one could see anything with the amount of debris and smoke filling up the stadium. All they could hear were loud explosions echoing throughout the entire stadium.

Some time later, the staff had to send a teacher down there to try and see what was going on in the match. Immediately the teacher called the match off and another teacher came to break you both off.

Were you both siblings or enemies sent on an mission to kill the other? Trust me when I say the fight got so bad they had to call if off and just say it was a draw.

Both of you were covered in cuts, bruises and burn marks. By the time the adrenaline wore off, you both collapsed, unconscious on the floor.

They had to tie you both up and All might somehow managed to out the single 1st place gold medal around your necks.

Much to everyone's dismay, no one got to find out who was the 'better twin' or 'better class'.

So for the next few weeks, it was the same as always, trying to prove to everyone that you are better while sending death glares to your brother.

UA destroyed your relationship with your brother.

When you were younger, you both would at least play with each other, you both would hold hands and run around, chasing other kids, you both would still comfort each other when the other was sad, you both used to be each other's biggest supporters and now its all gone.

It all probably began to fade during middle school and now is completely gone in UA.

You saw each other as enemies and nothing more.

Well that's what you thought until your brother got kidnapped by the league of villains.

You could never forget how you felt your heart drop when you heard the news. You even forgot to breath for a few seconds. You scared yourself with how much you got scared of losing him.

So when Kirishma, who you recognised as Katsuki's best friend, came up to you, asking if you would help him and a few other students from 1a, get Katsuki back, you agreed.

When you met up with the group, you were the last one to come along since it took you a little longer to sneak out of the house, you saw the wide eyes they looked at you with, since they were so used to seeing you and Katsuki hate on each other every day.

"I do have a heart you know." you rolled your eyes at them. "Come on, lets hurry before that dimwit starts crying like a baby." you turned around and started walking away.

"Um.. Y/n.. We have to go that way-" A black haired girl spoke up.

You were all were successful with getting Katsuki back, you really wanted to hug him or something but you felt like you couldn't. You felt like it was wrong of you to even think about hugging him after everything you did to him. So on the way back, you didn't say anything. Even while watching All Might fight All For One on a screen, you kept your distance from him, walking next to the black haired girl instead.

The walk back home was silent. He walked ahead while you followed a few feet behind, usually you wouldn't let that slide, you would try to out walk him in some way but right now your mind was filled with so many thoughts.

You were so out of it that you ended up bumping into Katsuki's back when he stopped walking. He turned around and looked at you, a softer look on his face but still glaring at you.

"Why did you come with them?" He asked.

How do you even answer that? 'even though I wished for your death like you wished for mine, i still cared. I still didn't actually want to lose you.' or maybe 'why wouldn't I? I mean sure I hated your guts and hoped everything bad happened to you but I didn't actually mean it.'

You didn't even realise when tears began falling down your cheeks while thinking. Katsuki was shocked to say the least.

"I thought I would lose you..." You spoke out in the weakest voice Katsuki had ever heard you use.

Katsuki's hand lifted up to wipe your tears away but he hesitated. Can he do that? Really? After everything he did to you? He couldn't. So he turned back around.

"Idiot. As if some little villain would ever manage to kill me." You didn't miss how his voice cracked in the middle of the sentence, nor did you miss how he subtly tried to wipe away his own tears.

Maybe you didn't get to hug him like you used to when you were younger, but at least you now know there is a chance that maybe, just maybe, you could fix your relationship with your brother.

[thestarfishinjootsoffice]

Hii, I have a lil request for slasher & child!reader. It’s a little bit personal, sorry haha.

Do you think you could write something with a child reader who has anemia? It’s sometimes literally just called “lack of blood,” so you can get an idea of how crappy it is to have.

It makes it really hard to breathe and makes my heart beat abnormally faster compared to people who don’t have it, and lots of chest pain. It also causes extreme cases of fatigue and headaches, and I have fainted because of it before.

I feel like having anemia would be a big struggle for slashers, (what with having to constantly run, lift thing, being real active) so they’d def feel upset that their kid has it.

There’s a lot more stuff, but you get the idea. Sorry if this one’s a bit more personal

No, no. It's perfectly fine. I hope you're doing well, I'm sorry if I made the condition sound worse than it is. Apologies for my ignorance.

And take care of yourself, anon. 🏹❤‍🔥

Cw:

Relation: platonic.

Slashers in this: Michael, Jason, thomas, bubba (sorry I couldn't write for billy & stu and sinclair twins)

Slashers x anemic! child! reader

Michael

It didn't bother him that much, but it did worry him. He didn't particularly have to worry about running... Well you running because he'd prefer you stay at your parents' house when he does murder but if you don't have any.... Well, he would rather carry you to safety if you're having trouble anyways. He'll survive. With Michael, there's always a home but never a home to stay at though.

he doesn't like standing and observing you whenever he notices you're having trouble breathing and when you clutch your chest in pain. He doesn't know what to do and he wishes he does.

Do you need.. What were those things again? Inhalers? He witnessed a few people use it when their breathing was erratic and rough so he wonders if you need it too. But for now he'll rub your back and hope it helps to support you emotionally that you're not alone and he's here. Whatever you need him to get, tell him and he'll try his best. Supplements? Give him an hour. I think he knows a pharmacy somewhere that he can break into. And don't even try to refuse them, he won't have it.

Since you're a child he worries this might be too hard for you – and he hopes it won't be the end of the world for your life anytime soon.

You're tired? That's fine, sleep on the couch or floor. Anywhere, he doesn't care. Just not on him. (You can convince him if you try hard enough.) He doesn't care if you nap 3 times a day, sleeping is good for you and helps you grow. Or so he heard. He doesn't even sleep that much anyways – your deadly father figure Michael approves. What he doesn't approve of are the headaches you get, the more painful they seem the more frustrated he gets. God dammit, why is your life so difficult? Where are the painkillers again?

Okay so the real panic sets in the first time you passed out in front of him. Fuck, did you die?

He's shaking your body slightly and pressing his ear up your chest, letting out a silent sigh when he hears your faint heartbeat. He gently lifts your body and places it on the couch – he sits beside you, watching you over like a hawk. Michael can't believe it. Never in his life had he thought he'd look after and stress for someone this hard - especially not a child. You must be absolutely insane if you think he's the type to care for one and yet here he is, listening carefully for your breath to hitch and your eyelids to be open.

He sighs, why can't he just murder peacefully? He's questioning everything. But he'll get used to it eventually. Sometimes he acts like you're a burden on his shoulders and a source of meaningless grey hairs but that's not exactly how he feels. It's.. Different.

But never hesitate to trouble him, not even when he comes back after 2 all nighters.

Jason

He is always so scared that one day your body might give up and die. The thing he stresses really hard about is that he can't give you the supplements and things you need. He's in the middle of buttfuck nowhere in the woods but he does know where the end of the woods are and he's kind of willing to step into civilization if it gets really bad, he really doesn't want to see his kid in pain and do nothing about it. He's not going to Manhattan again though. Always extra painstaking when he takes care of you and makes sure you don't need to use your body as much.

Anytime someone enters the camp he's immediately shoving you somewhere safe and deals with whoever trespassed himself. Although he's in immense discomfort when you have your headaches and difficulty in breathing. He's begging for his mom for help in his mind what he can do to ease whatever pain you're growing through.

Although Jason doesn't need to eat, he knows you do. So he searches for fish in nearby lakes (if there are even any) and he gets nuts, whatever is rich in iron. He'll get em for you.

Secretly hopes that people do trespass into camp crystal Lake. Those who happen to carry iron vitamins and supplements that is. He feels extremely relieved after going through the bags of one of the victims he's beheaded and finding a bottle, happily handing it to you and if you don't want to consume it he's very gently shoving it down your throat. Nope, you're going to eat this and that's final. Mama pam says so.

Sighs and lays you down when your chest starts hurting and stays by your side. Why do you have to go through so much? He thinks as he rubs your hair and waits for it to go away so you both can carry on whatever you were doing. Because of this, he doesn't allow you to lift the wood that he's chopped. If you insist it's either he stays stubborn or he allows you to carry the thin ones one at a time. You don't have to help him, and while he appreciates the thought. He would rather you stay inside and be safe.

Unfortunately for him, he doesn't catch on that this act of overprotectiveness and treating you as if you were made of bubble might upset you. Tilting his head to the side slightly as he watches you sulk in the corner in both frustration and feeling of being heavily underestimated. He really doesn't mean any harm. A little confused but Jason's got the spirit.

Panicks really hard every time you faint, his mind always wanders to the worst possible case scenario and assumes you have died. Incredibly frustrated since he's technically dead and a lot of his senses don't work properly. He's losing his touch and things are getting a bit hard to hear. Ear pressed hard against your chest, hoping his eardrums will be met with the thrum of your heartbeat and his fingers checking for your pulse, waiting to feel the throb upon his skin.

Got used to you getting fatigued and actually encourages you to sleep. It's better than following him outside of the cabins and into the woods where you risk getting bear trapped. Strict, very strict.

Thomas

Thomas is already very grateful for his family but he's even more grateful for them right now cause he would have no idea what to do without them. It depends, whether you're blood related or illegally adopted he will get used to it eventually. This ain't the craziest the family has dealt with.

He brushes you off whenever you try to help him carry things, what if you get dizzy and get headaches again? No! He won't have it. He carries you in his arms and sits you down somewhere. You can sit on top of his shoulders if you'd like.

Gets especially anxious when there are people comin in. He knows you won't particularly be targeted nor would the family allow you to exert yourself, but if something goes wrong? You have to run, and then your breathing will get roughed and- he doesn't want to think about it. But it does stay on his mind a lot. He makes sure to reassure you however he can when Hoyt makes you feel like you're a hindrance to the family, he doesn't know what he's talking about, is what Thomas tries his best to tell you. 'He's just scared.' He thinks and pats your head.

Heard from mama mae that meat, dark green vegetables and nuts will help raise your iron. (Assuming that he has been somewhat educated on your condition.) And then from now he will pester you to consume those. You don't wanna eat the meat? Why not? But fine, eat your veggies and nuts then.

Iron supplements? What are those?

Your chances of getting them are pretty low, I'm not sure if there's a pharmacy or clinic nearby but fingers crossed Hoyt might get in that damn truck and drive to get them for you if he feels nice enough. Tommy's not allowed out into the public.

Frowns a little when he cuddles you in his lap for you to fall asleep and feels your hands are cold. Why are they so cold?, hell why are you so cold? It's not even winter yet. Oh but when winter does come he's smothering your body with lots of layers. Will add more layers if you fall sick. And no, that's not up for debate.

When you faint he'll first stare at your unconscious body in shock before picking you up and putting you down on the couch, he puts his hand in front of your nostrils and feels air hitting his fingers. With a relieved sigh he patiently waits for you to wake up. Not too alarmed.

It's a different story when you're in pain, his heart breaks a little when your chest hurts and your head aches. You want water? Give him a break, he's trying his best.

Bubba

Out of this list, he's the one to handle this the worst when one of your more serious side effects takes place. And it really doesn't help that his family kinda don't know what to do either. They can try to help but it probably won't work that much.

It's lowkey over for you.

It also depends. All he knows is that something is wrong with you; you get dizzy, your breathing gets all incorrect, your chest hurts and you (guessing because of the rougher environment) faint a few times too much to what he'd prefer. Absolutely clueless.

Although you do have more of a leverage if you have at least somewhat knowledge about your condition. (Reading books or you were adopted and knew it beforehand way back prior to when bubba killed your parents.) This way Bubba can learn and know what to expect, he's very much happy to learn about you and take care of you to the best of his abilities.

Quite sad actually that you can't properly take part in revving the chainsaw and chainsawing people. Though the times that you can are when the victim is tied down and helpless. It's up to you whether or not you want to partake in it, though you don't have much of a choice. The family's set on tradition and won't understand why if you don't want to; 'you WILL be killing people with this chainsaw! I'm sick of this phase of yours!' 'It's not a phase.'

Seeing you faint will almost send Bubba to tears, hell, maybe it did already. He's just shaking your body while whining and babbling incoherently. After the whole incident he'll rarely ever let you out of his sight, great, now he's dragging you everywhere.

There will be a lot of problems being in the Sawyer family. But at least you're still alive... Right?

[01zfan]

whose altar do you bow to? | s.es

politician!eunseok x fem. reader | 6.2k words

all may worship at your altar but whose do you bow to?

contains: religious themes, oral (fem. receiving), abandonment issues, problems regarding church culture, body worship, sub!eunseok

sacrilegious masterlist

eunseok left the church six years ago. you remember when everyone in your congregation hated him for it. he left the city to find opportunities and to do something more with his life. you had heard rumors of a prestige college, but many thought it was untrue due to his lax nature. unfortunately leaving the small town was unofficially known as the gateway to losing your faith. because of this, many considered him a nonbeliever. 

truthfully, no one knew what eunseok did for those six years. nobody bothered to ask his family if he still practiced religion, because that would’ve been the logical thing to do. he never was a big part of the church socially, so when he left he was like a ghost. when eunseok disappeared without a trace, everyone saw this as an opening to spread rumors. you knew eunseok personally, the two of the oldest kids in the congregation. you two would be together in line for serving food, overhearing two women talk about another one.

“do they ever get tired of talking behind eachothers backs?” you ladle food onto a child’s plate.

“when thats the only thing to do, you can never get tired of it.” eunseok wasn’t even looking at the two women. he smiled at the next person in line, giving them a cup of fruit.

“still though. sometimes the congregation is so contradictory with their teachings versus practices.” you say.

“it is what it is. people will do what they want. thinking too hard about people’s actions will just cause unneeded stress.” eunseok says before smiling to an old lady. she declines the fruit cup, continuing down the line.

after the last person went through the food line, you and eunseok walked together to the prayer area. you two had a routine, falling into silence as you stared at the miniature altar for christ. you don’t know what eunseok thought about, maybe it was about leaving. you were too caught up in looking at him. as the same lady who was gossiping walked past you she gave you a fake smile on her face. your head followed her all the way down the hallway until she disappeared into another you. you scoff and return your gaze to the altar.

you knew eunseok was right, but you could never let it go. you had joined the church like most kids did when their parents were involved in the church. you didn’t consider yourself to be a nonbeliever, but you found yourself standing for what the church was supposed to represent. you liked helping people, you liked community service, you liked the kindness and acceptance that came with being a churchgoer. as you grew older you say that the way religion was practiced versus in theory was completely different. in your teen years, you clung to eunseok. he felt the same you did, but closer to when he left he seemed to accept it. your complaints fell on his deaf ears, and eventually he was gone.

you knew that what people said about him never bothered eunseok. you wished you could say he liked being talked about. eunseok was something like a celebrity of the church before he left. he was tall and kind. that was enough for him to be adored by the elders of the congregation. you were ignored and not held nearly as high in regard compared to eunseok. you accredited this to you constantly challenging the elders and calling out when they did something outdated. what bothered you was how unbothered he was when it came to himself. 

when eunseok left, he left without saying a word. it would’ve been so easy to pass a note along to the pastor, or to say something during group. instead, he just left. so you had to deal with overhearing eunseok be the subject of gossip. 

he left because he lost faith.

i heard he left town because he got some slut from his school pregnant.

he left to go to a city filled with drugs and alcohol.

he never learned hymns. he slept half the time.

may god guide that poor boys soul.

for six years you heard things you would be kicked out of church for repeating. you spent time defending the rumors at first. you would say the truth under your breath or tell the older women to mind their business with a smile on your face. you thought that you were invincible because you were equipped with the truth. you wielded the truth like a sword, trying to fight away rumors of someone you considered a friend. you learned the valuable lesson that the truth doesn’t overshadow the masses. you were protecting eunseok a little too fiercely, and ended up backing off when the rumors began to involve you.

she’s mad because she wanted eunseok to take her with him.

she should focus on finding a husband within the church instead of protecting one that has left it.

after becoming even more ostracized you started to adopt the same attitude eunseok had. you let the words wash off of you like rain. eunseok was lucky he wasn’t there for the fallout. you had become withdrawn and bitter towards everyone in the church. you would sit in front of the statue of christ, looking up at his pitiful outstretched hands. you don’t know how someone could be so merciful, so understanding. you were filled with unbridled rage looking up at his statue. that was the final time you bowed to the altar. you got up and dusted off your knees. you found this to be symbolic, brushing off what little devotion you had left to such a weak man.

six years later, you were still involved. you don’t know why you stayed. you often compared your relationship with the church as a friend you hated but couldn’t let go of—it weighed down on you but random moments of happiness made you stay. being in the building made you lethargic and looking at the whispering ladies made you sick. you didn’t see them as believers, you saw them as aimless people looking for something to poor endless praise upon. you saw them as less than nonbelievers. 

despite your disdain for the church, you had more responsibilities than you did when you were in high school. the church often interfered with your career and part time job, but you also used it as an excuse. who was going to deny you the right to leave work early so you could worship? who would give you a penalty on an assignment that you missed due to you being needed at the church? clerical responsibilities were left in your hands. this was the effect of people leaving the flock too close together. you stopped caring why people left, or even learning people’s names in general. after some time, you would look around in the prayer halls or the lines at confessionals and you wouldn’t recognize a single face. you adopted the mindset that eventually, everyone would leave the congregation. you were just waiting your turn. you walked around the halls of the church and whispers followed you everywhere. they called you a nonbeliever, embodiment of an evil demon sent to destroy the church. you were blamed for people leaving, claiming that you were pushing people away from the path of righteousness. you found this ironic because your work for the church behind the scenes was one of the few things keeping it afloat. 

maybe that’s another reason you stayed. as much as you hated those four walls you couldn’t stand to see them be torn down. eunseok was the same way. 

you were assigning youth pastors to their groups when you heard his name for the first time in six years.

“song eunseok? why does that name sound so familiar?” mark said. instantly you looked up from the paper to eavesdrop on his conversation.

“song eunseok?” you repeated. mark and yeri look at you. you go back to looking at your schedule, gripping your pen a little tighter.

“yeah, do you know him?” mark says scratching his head.

“he used to attend the church when i was the same age as you guys.” you said. you remember the first time you met eunseok, thanking god for sending you someone who understood you. you almost chuckle looking at the paper recalling memories. if only you had known then what you knew now, you would’ve rebuked eunseok the moment you saw him.

“no freaking way, he went here?” yeri says, hitting marks shoulder.

“was he a youth pastor like us?” mark visibly gets excited as well.

you completely look away from your schedule now. how would these two know about eunseok? were there rumors floating around about him again?

“no, but he did help out with the church. why?” you say, trying to remain as neutral as possible. 

“because he’s like a government official now” mark said. yeri looked at him and they both laughed, surprised you didn’t know who he was.

“what?” you abandon all efforts of sounding neutral. 

“yeah look!” yeri shows you her phone. 

you wish you could say you remained calm. your eyes nearly popped out of your head when you saw the headline. eunseok had made it out of your small town to a much bigger one, a place where he was included in making laws. you saw the article commend him for coming from nothing to graduating from a prestigious school and pursuing law. many people thought he was a revolutionary, demanding for progressively legislature despite only recently joining the board.

“oh my god.” you say. 

“i don’t think you can say that.” mark said. the pair giggled again, but you were too caught up in looking at eunseok. he looked so different from the last time you saw him, but still the same. that was your eunseok. the one who giggled with you during confessionals. eunseok who stole extra crackers from communion because he could. the one who left you. 

“i can’t believe it.” you say. the schedule has been completely forgotten. the iron resolve you had at church was broken in an instant. you could tell yeri and mark were shocked to see you show so much emotion.

“you must have been pretty close with him.” yeri says, grabbing back her phone. 

“we were friends. like you two are.” you pull yourself out of your shocked state, trying to put on the same cold demeanor. you turn back to the group assignment, but every name you read looks like his.

“well you will probably be happy to hear that he’s coming to the church during tonight’s service,” mark said. he looked over your shoulder “are the schedules done yet?”

“what?” you can’t hold back the shock in your voice. your two youth group leaders laugh at your expense.

“the pastor is pretty hush hush about it. but i heard a rumor he’s coming to give a speech about donating something to the church.” yeri says.

mark grabs the group assignments off your desk and hands one to yeri. yeri audibly groans once she sees who she is assigned to. the pair leave quickly after getting their assignments, leaving you alone to your thoughts. eunseok had left the church for reasons unknown. you thought he would come back, the way poor sinners came back crawling in the rain, shaking their metal cup begging for an ounce of forgiveness. now he was coming back as someone who people would put on the altar next to god himself. did he even still pray? did he still remember the hymns that were drilled into their minds as kids? or did he truly forget it all to follow a life of fame and fortune? that wasn’t a lifestyle fit for a man of god.

you debate on leaving then and there. night service doesn’t start for another hour, and technically your duties for the day are done. you could slip out through any exit, and not come back until the next time you’re needed. eunseok would be long gone, and you could just hear about the rumors spread about his visit for the next six years. the thought of being in the same room as him made you sick, the same sick you felt seeing the gossiping sinners of the church stick their noses up at you.

with a power beyond your own, you feel yourself get up from your desk. you walk through the mostly empty offices, and head down the stairs. you try to be quiet, to not let the floorboards tell you their age underneath your feet. you can hear the low murmurs of men behind doors talking about things that have to be whispered. you’re sure they’re talking about the allocation of what you assume to be the heavy donation they’ll be receiving tonight. you can’t believe eunseok is becoming the very thing you hated. unfair donations, things that would be better off at any other organization instead being funneled into a failing church. it made you feel like a kid again, spying on the grownups trying to stay hidden. the only difference was that your previous partner in crime was the one you were hiding from. 

you looked through the crack in the door and saw him. eunseok was wearing a suit not so different from what you remember him wearing six years ago. but he was different now, so different from the boy you grew up with. this eunseok had a more defined jawline, the baby fat from his cheeks was completely gone. he had a different hairstyle now too, one that made him look more mature. this eunseok towered over the men he spoke with. there was an aura now surrounding him now. he was already confident when you two had met, but now there was another layer to it. more depth. his boyish charm had turned into charisma of a handsome young man. you watched as he stood and listened to the men in robes bicker. so much had changed about eunseok but he still remained disinterested in anything pertaining to church.

you didn’t see eunseok speak until they brought up the lunch program. 

“my donation is for the lunch program. i want all the funds to dedicated to the plan i emailed you before. you accepted the donation under the promise that the funds would be allocated there.” eunseok said. you figured the man with the briefcase and nice suit beside him was his lawyer. you leaned closer to the door, trying to gather everything.

apparently you were wrong about the donation. eunseok had plans to help the church expand who the lunch program would reach. instead of just a line inside the church, he wanted several stations in town near impoverished areas. he wanted to also expand the date and hours. you watched him explain his plan with an even head, but his hand flexing at his side told you he was getting frustrated. 

when the conversation was over you had to quickly run away, flexing your feet so your presence wouldn’t be known. you don’t know how long you had stood there, but the night service was starting. you got caught in the flow of the crowd into the room that was much more packed than usual. mark and yeri left you a seat. you squeezed into the seat and picked at the hand fan that was passed around the room. 

you were more nervous than you wanted to admit. you fidgeted and looked around for most of the service, waiting for eunseok to come out. you wished it would be over, each time the congregation stood your restless legs yelled at you to run.

when eunseok came out you stood still. mark had to nearly pull you down to sit after the hymn.

the pastor was speaking, but you couldn’t listen. all you could see was eunseok stand off to the side, hands in front of him as he listened. you wondered if he even remembered you, how surprised he would be that you were still here at the church you complained about everyday to him. then you thought about if he would even recognize you in the crowd of churchgoers. alot can happen in six years and you don’t doubt that eunseok has met his fair share of people. you think your face has blended into the mass of people sitting in the pews. you see his eyes look over the crowd, coming closer and closer to you. you prepare yourself to be filled with more disdain, more pain when he eventually looks over you.

when he sees you in the crowd, his eyes widen. you haven’t taken your eyes off him the whole time, wide and confused like he’s a mirage standing on the stage. you think he must have you confused, that he just paused in the crowd. his mouth opens in shock, the same shock you had seeing his name in the headlines.

“i think he recognizes you.” mark says, looking between you and eunseok.

you shush mark as the preacher continues to speak.

“so thank you to song eunseok, previous member of our parish for the generous donation.” the pastor says.

all around you people stood and clapped. you were amazed, seeing people that had spread rumors about eunseok cheer and clap for him now. as he bowed, people only clapped louder. the ones that called him stupid praised him for speaking to elegantly. when he thanked god, the ones that said he was a nonbeliever cheered the loudest. when eunseok got up from his bow, he kept his eye contact with you. it was a gaze of someone all knowing. he looked at you like he was trying to convey that it was all for show. eunseok was alot of things, and an entertainer was one of them. he was fit for the life of worship, a standing ovation suited him well. it made you sick how easily praise fell upon him, when you had worked so hard for this church just to be whispered about all day.

it was fanfare and fireworks for the next thirty minutes, everyone in the congregation practically tripping over themselves to get a picture with eunseok. handing him babies to kiss, asking for him to consider legislature that would benefit him. you noticed photographers trying their best to remain inconspicuous as they took photos. occasionally he would look to you and you had to look away. you wanted to avoid him all night, you don’t even know why you stayed. yeri and mark eventually made their way to him too, smiling in their group photo. you wanted to run away when you saw eunseok following behind mark and yeri.

“eunseok says he’s joining us for youth group tonight.” yeri says smiling. 

when youth group split up you found yourself being short on handouts. eunseok’s appearance at the church brought in an influx of people, a number the church hasn’t seen in a long time. you were short on prayer pamphlets and eunseok volunteered to help you.

you tried to not be self conscious of the man behind you. you had walked through the church a million times before, but you felt yourself bump into walls you knew were there and turn the handles on locked doors. it was embarrassing having him follow you up the old and creaky outdated staircase. everything about you now felt so archaic. eunseok represented a time that was advanced past the chipping paint on the walls and the frayed robes the priests wore. it made your stomach churn thinking about how he didn’t remember where he came from. everywhere you turned there were people wanting a photo. you watched eunseok’s demeanor completely change to turn on some sort of charm. you didn’t say a word until you opened up your old desktop, printing out copies of papers from the dusty white printer.

“i didn’t expect to see you here.” eunseok said. you ignored him, only focusing on the sound of the old printer doing its best. you wish you could say you hated giving him the cold shoulder. being the one to deny him praise or acknowledgment felt like the justice you had been denied for the past six years.

“are you still mad at me? for leaving?” eunseok said. he moved from the door, coming to stand near your desk.

“i don’t care. you did what you did with your life eunseok.” you refuse to look at him as you speak. 

you can hear his feet tap on the ground. being so cold is against your religious practices but you didn’t mind hell if it meant denying him heaven. you imagine someone like the eunseok that stood before you reveled in the attention good or bad. without any attention you think he would shrivel up like a plant without sun.

“i wanted to see you. but i couldn’t leave.” eunseok is standing beside you now. he crouches, look up at you trying to see your eyes. you focus your eyes so hard on the desktop that the typed words start to become blurry.

when he gets on his knees in front of you then look at him. your eyes are wide and shocked as he looks to you with genuine sadness. you are shocked to see eunseok look so lost. he has always been so sure of himself. the same person that projected confidence onstage was groveling at your feet.

“i know what you think of me.” he whispered. 

the assumption of knowing you makes you bristle. if he knew you he would’ve never left you alone all those years ago.

“you don’t know anything.” you feel your years of being misunderstood bubble up to the surface. you spitting words quietly at eunseok is the only thing that keeps the anger at bay.

“i don’t know anything.” eunseok agrees with you. seeing him so easily give up makes you instantly regret your rage. your first instinct is to forgive him, to say sorry for being so cold. but then you think about the dust you brushed off your knee when you got up from the altar. you let out a sigh. nothing feels right anymore.

“you could’ve atleast called.” you say quietly.

“they wouldn’t let us have phones. i only recently got mine back.” eunseok says. he shuffles even closer to you, placing a kiss on your clothed knee. “the first thing i did with the money i’ve earned was to try and pay you back. to show you how sorry i am.”

having someone where eunseok was at in life look to you for forgiveness made you confused. after years of being denied autonomy, only becoming an extension of something else. when eunseok was here, you were an extension of him. when he left you became an extension of church, maybe even of god himself. but now you had eunseok kneel before you and talk to you as your own person. how did he not forget about you after all of that time. why did he rememberyou to the point that he made a donation to your church to apologize. you use your hand to tilt eunseok’s chin up. he finds your eyes, placing a hand over yours. you lean over to his shoulder.

“you’re pretty loved now. people treat you like a god. like you can change the world.” you say. eunseok nods his head. he agree with anything you said to him.

you looked down at eunseok, on his knees kissing your legs. he had lifted up your dress to get more access to your skin. after you get up from the chair you stand before eunseok. you think about the statue that hung above the altar the last timed you prayed. even though it’s been years since you looked to god for answers, you will never forget the desperation that rolled off of you in waves. it’s the same desperation that filled the room, the same desperation that filled eunseoks’ eyes. you felt like god now, extending a forgiving olive branch to someone who wronged you. 

eunseok looks up to you from your feet. he had always been so much taller than you. now it seems like he had shrunk himself under your gaze.

“but whose altar do you bow to, eunseok? is it still gods’?” you ask.

eunseok looks at you deep in the eyes. it’s still the same eyes that left you alone all that time ago, the same eyes you thought about in the confines of your bed. 

“i bow to his altar only to pray for your forgiveness. i feel devotion for you and you alone.” eunseok says.

“people call you a nonbeliever. is that true?” you ask.

“i believe in you. isn’t that enough?” eunseok says with a solemn expression on his face. he goes back to kissing your body. he lifts your dress higher and higher, exposing even more skin. he kisses up to your knee, lifting more of your dress. he looks to you one final time before you pinch the fabric of your dress. you lightly pull up your hands, exposing your mid thigh. he purposely puts the end of your dress in the palm of your hands, letting you control how much of your skin he gets to kiss.

he sucks and kisses on the exposed skin, working from your right calf up. when he gets to the highest part of your exposed body he works his way down the other leg. you stand in front of the powerful man. the same lips that will eventually address a nation kiss you timidly, like you are going to run away. the same hands that will write legislature pull you close. you slowly lean back until you’re sitting on the edge of your computer desk. you bring a leg up to prop it on the chair. eunseok looks to you as you bring the fabric of your dress to rest underneath your chin. 

“i want to worship you,” eunseok looks up from a kiss placed on your thigh. his fingers enclose on the waistband of your panties. he looks to you for approval, for permission to go further. “i want to show you how regretful i am. how apologetic i feel.”

“then do it.” you say.

without missing a beat, eunseok pulls your panties down your legs. he’s delicate with the way he removes them, lifting you legs so you don’t have to do any of the work. eunseok crumbles the pair into his pants pocket. you don’t ask for it back, the image of him treating your undergarmets like a rosary, gripped in his hand while he tries to remember what gods touch felt like. he put large hand on the back of your thighs and lifts. you have a leg over his shoulder and the other still is in the chair. you lean back on your desk. you think about your body weight straining the old oak. if it breaks, you will just ask your loyal devotee to buy you a new one. 

eunseok doesn’t take his eyes off of you, looking for visual cues on what to do next. he places sweet kisses on the area surrounding your heat. you lift your hips he brings an arm from your thigh to rest on your stomach, holding you in place. he doesn’t dare to tell you what to do, just hoping you will listen to his physical pleas for control.

he places a single kiss on your core. you ball the end of your dress and put it inside of your mouth to try and muffle any sounds you may make. eunseok goes back to placing kisses on your thigh. he grabs your hand and places it on his head. you immediately use your hand to hold his soft brown hair. eunseok kisses your heat. he keeps his lips there, continuing to give you chaste kisses. you try to keep your composure but fail when his tongue comes from between his lips. he takes a long stripe and you can feel his tongue inside of you. you moan into the fabric of your dress and bring him closer with your leg behind his back. you are acting on your own volition, using your heels and hand to bring him even closer to your core. with your spare hand you grab eunseok’s hand and squeeze. you feel an absence and look down at eunseok between your legs. he has slick covering his mouth as he looks at you wide eyed.

“can i ask for forgiveness?” eunseok smiles before placing a sweet kiss to your thigh.

“ask god.” your chest heaves with each word. you don’t know when you lost your breath, but each words comes out in rushed huffs.

“i am.” eunseok says before diving back in between your legs.

he’s more aggressive with you this time around. he uses the hand that was holding your stomach down to spread your folds. you keep looking at eunseok, and he pulls back to look you in the eyes again. he spits on your clit and you throw your head back in ecstasy. how can something so filthy feel so exhilarating. you can’t stop thinking about how this is a sin you would die on the cross for. eunseok puts his middle finger inside of you and sucks on your clit. you arch more and more into his mouth, holding his hair tightly. your muffled sounds get higher and higher as eunseok becomes more intense. you close your thighs around him but he doesn’t pull away. his tongue is coated in forgiveness as he bows into your altar. he takes everything, sucking and licking you until you come down from the heaven eunseok took you too.

mindlessly you pull eunseok up to you. he hesitates at first but obliges, letting you gather him into your arms. against your knee, you can feel his hardened length. you think about how you’re ignoring your duties as the one keeping your oratory going. you consider yourself to be a selfish god as you reach for the belt of eunseoks’ slacks.

his hands consume yours. you are forced to look up to him now, as he stands taller than your perch on the desk. his eyes are wide and show you conflicting emotions. he shouldn’t be scared to do what he wants in your home. you decide that you make the rules as you continue to undo his belt.

“you have my forgiveness and maybe a little more than that,” you say. eunseok’s eyes become hooded and his expression becomes hungry. “but now i need you to fuck me like you’re making up for lost time.”

eunseok lets you undo his belt. the unbuckling sound gives his desperation its wings as he goes back to your dress. he unzips the back of the dress and pulls it over your shoulders. it falls forward and you stay in your white lacy bra. you both decide you don’t have enough time to completely abandon your clothing. eunseok takes the lead on undressing himself, unzipping his pants and letting them fall to the ground. he comes back to you and rubs his clothed length against your knee. you moan and tilt your head to see him get lost in the pleasure. you bite your lip looking at him. you can feel him pulsing against you as he lets his head lean back. he’s sighing in relief and you wonder if things stress him out now, if he feels pressure to do well as a politician. you decide wordlessly to take on all his stress and hardship like a good god does. you reach for his briefs and unclothe him. eunseoks’ hard member bobs up and down before pointing straight towards you. it’s angry and red, the tip leaking with precum. eunseok moans from the cold air hitting him. you never took him as the sensitive type.

you reach for him and stroke him gently. eunseok has his eyes closed but finds your shoulder easily, holding onto you to ground himself. his head retreated into your neck as you gently jerked him off. he says something that sounds like a confession into your ear, talking about how he’s never felt this good in his life. how he has only thought about you in moments like these, no matter the circumstance.

“devotion looks pretty on you eunseok.” you whisper into his ear. you guide him to your entrance and eunseok looks between your bodies to see where you two meet.

eunseok kisses your neck as he slowly sinks into you. you tremble and suddenly six years of complicated feelings becomes incredibly simple. you lift you leg that was hanging over the desk to rest on the edge. this angle changes something in eunseok. he pulls away from the crook in your neck and places a confident hand on your bent knee. he doesn’t break eye contact as he pulls all the way out. eunseok’s gaze doesn’t falter when he puts it back in with a hard and fast thrust, one that makes everything on your desk shift. eunseok does it a second time and for a split second your resolve breaks. you only have a little bit of time to compose yourself when eunseok pulls out all the way again. when eunseok does it for the third time you falter, eyebrows contorting in pleasure. eunseok smiles.

“you feel that?” eunseok says.

before you can respond. he changes the pace after seeing you falter. he hips work in a steadfast motion. you can hear things shift out of place and fall off your desk. the floorboard creak from the commotion and your boobs jump in your bra. you have to lean forward and grab eunseok for stability. he hooks his arms underneath your legs pulling you closer to him. the new angle has you whimpering and you can see eunseok’s dress shirt becoming wrinkled under your grip. your whimpers become high pitched and whiny when you hear eunseok’s grunts from above you. everything feels so surreal you forget that you truly are human. you can’t make the pleasure last forever, you must go through the same ups and downs as the rest of humanity. you grip onto eunseok harder and bring him down so you can kiss him. you want to bask in whatever high you are about to feel so you can remember it next time you bow at the altar. eunseok pulls away and quickly pushes things off the desk. he lays you down and puts your ankles behind his head, placing an arm over your thighs to keep your legs straight. this angle has you feeling him drag against your walls and you can feel him hitting a spot deep inside of you. this position makes it easier for eunseok to flick your clit. you shake around him and you can hear the slapping of your skin against his.

“i’m a saint. i want my god to cum first.” eunseok says smiling.

you can barely breathe as the orgasm rakes through your body. you put a hand on his arm that holds your legs and he abandons holding your legs to grip your hand. your legs become loose and eunseok bends them to kiss your face. you can barely focus on kissing him back, too busy trying to make gain control of your senses. everything is flooded with white and gold and sky blue. eunseok becomes rushed and sloppy making your pulsing erratic. you a new wave of pleasure hits you as eunseok throbs inside of you. you can feel years of lost time fill you to the brim and he slumps against you. things on your desk finally still and you breathe out heavily, finally regaining your composure. you can feel eunseok slide out of you and you let your legs dangle over the edge of the desk.

when he settles on your chest you pet his hair, trying to smooth out the strands that stick out in random places. he listens to your heartbeat, you listen to his deep breaths. 

it feels like ages before you move from underneath eunseok. you had forgotten how big he is and how comforting it always was being in close proximity to him. eunseok gets off of you and guides you off the desk. you pull your dress back over your bra and eunseok puts on his clothes. as you grab papers from the printer eunseok brushes out your dress to help you look put together again. you return the favor, smoothing down his disheveled hair. you hand him his belt and you fix his crooked vote pin that resides on his lapel. you both do this in silence, working in collaboration to hide your secret church service.

as you fix his cuffs, you can feel his burning gaze. you don’t know why now you feel nervous. 

“do you still remember the secret exit we’d take when sneaking out of youth group?” eunseok asks. when you finish with his cuffs you look at him and smile.

“yes. do you?” you ask.

he smile and nods.

“how could i forget?”

[qtubbo]

Note: For people who were just watching Phil’s POV, while this was still present it much harder to notice how genuinely insecure Phil was making Sunny feel, being much more blatant with full context of who Sunny is through Tubbo’s entire POV of them.

QPhil was incredibly mean spirited towards Sunny, to the point where it felt much more purposeful rather than Phil just being in a weird mood, he was also unnecessary judgement towards Tubbo’s parenting. To an extreme unmatched by any of the other older parents to any of the new parents, constantly mocking Tubbo’s builds, abilities, and rules. While he started off very pleasant towards if not a bit confused, as the day progressed and later conversation from Phil about Sunny he became more bluntly resentful and annoyed. The easiest way to simplify his actions is to consider him acting like Tubbo’s cruel mother in law, if you know the trope.

I think this was done from the simple fact that he missed his kids, and was projecting his own relationship with Tallulah onto Tubbo and Sunny. A lot of how he treated Sunny at the beginning was more similar to how he treats Tallulah and as the day went by the more certain I felt that he was projecting Tallulah onto Sunny. He was more critical of his parenting because he wanted for Sunny what he would want for Tallulah, he rejected a lot of Sunny’s actual wants because he knows what’s good enough for his daughter and what Tubbo was doing wasn’t enough. This is also why he was rejecting of Sunny’s actual wants because he was coping through her, anytime Sunny strayed off what Tallulah wanted it was hurting his illusion and therefore needed to be squashed.

Sunny came off as cold to Phil, because instead of giving her bright personality to him it was given to Tubbo. The more they strayed from Tallulah’s personality the harder it was to continue pretending, he wanted Tallulah and got Sunny, and he resented Sunny for that. I fully doubt this was on purpose, rather Phil was subconsciously projecting is own daughter on to Tubbo’s. Nothing Sunny could have done would have made Phil love her, even though she was trying so hard to be loved by the man their Pa looks up to. This becomes even more obvious when you compare his relationship to Sunny to his one with Empanada. While I don’t consider Em and Tallulah to be very close in personality, I think they are similar enough to scratch that itch for Phil and Empanada was less reserved then Sunny making Phil feel that was kinder than Sunny. Which was inevitably why he ended up saying the most hurtful thing of all about Sunny to Tallulah.

“Sunny’s nice I’ve met with them, and talked to them about stuff. She likes money.”

“Oh look over there, there’s Empanada! You’ll really like Empanada!”

He said this to comfort Tallulah but he still said it in front of Sunny, Kids notice that stuff when you talk about them like an afterthought, and then the next kid with full blown excitement it hurts. You’ll like Empanada you won’t like Sunny.

Also I’ll analyze Tubbo and Phil’s relationship more in another post, since I’ve seen a lot of conversation around it right now and I wanted to say something on its own. As a second note I took out a lot of the crueler comments Phil said in private since while he did say them, I would only include them if I had quotes as to not accidentally villainize him through misremembering.

[mazzystar24]

My 911 hills I will die on:

Eddie Diaz is gay

Buck has ADHD- the writers could come knocking on my door and tell me that he’s not and I still would argue with them with a PowerPoint and everything

The Buckley parents deserve to go straight to hell and their redemption arc makes me foam at the mouth (negative)

More on that: the insistence of a show that is so deeply rooted in the concept of found family to constantly give shitty parents redemption arcs is so irritating

Maddie Buckley didn’t raise buck since she was 9 years old while dealing with her own trauma or give him her jeep and money (AKA HER LITERAL SAFETY NET TO ESCAPE HER ABUSER) just so people can sit there and call her a bad sister -I’m a Maddie Buckley defender and I stand by that

Both sides were flawed with the lawsuit thing and neither should be too harshly judged- Bobby kept buck out when buck already proved himself but he was doing it out of protectiveness in his own flawed way because let’s be honest he just saw the guy he considers a son nearly die in front of him three times in one year and saw the PT and toll it all took through the whole process and keep in mind he’s already lost 2 kids already but buck also shouldn’t have sued impulsively or disclosed such intimate information and should’ve tried to take a more rational approach but let’s also be fair and remember this is the guy THAT DID GO THROUGH ALL THOSE THINGS IN THAT SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME like no one would be okay mentally, no one would be rational, not when you spend a shit ton of time to recover only to be told (in his brain at least) that it’s not enough from someone you not only consider as a mentor, friend and father figure but also the same person who was motivating you through your recovery

The way Shannon spoke about Christopher’s cerebral palsy will never not rub me the wrong way I’m sorry to any who love her

The way Natalia spoke about bucks death is also just a no from me

I actually hated the whole thing with Hen and the madney engagement like idk why the writing felt it was appropriate to try to compare Hen CHEATING (granted it was ooc and in season one) with Maddie suffering postpartum depression make it make sense- they could’ve had the same level of hen and chimney friendship moment/ hen looking out for him without doing this type of thing which just made me a little angry with hen while watching it but ultimately deciding this storyline doesnt exist in my brain

[retrieve-the-kraken]

Okay, so I’ve finished my taxes, and I’m basically out of the woods with some overwhelming work stuff, and everything turned out well with a medical situation with my mum, but I am still very tired, but I also cannot keep going without putting my preliminary thoughts on my very first viewing of season 3 down on a post…

It seems my worst characterization so far is assuming that these two idiots would learn to communicate. They haven’t, they’re stupid teenagers, they’re really bad at it, they get mad at each other for everything, and they don’t listen. And that needs to change soon if we want Wilmon endgame.

Boris, do you do couples therapy? PLEASE HELP THEM.

I think a big reason Wilhelm lashes out, besides getting caught up in his own head, is the fact that he’s also constantly afraid of saying the wrong thing and pissing Simon off. But the stakes for Simon are clearly higher. Wilhelm really needs to learn to communicate, but he’s dragging a whole life of terrible communication and zero support, so HOW is he supposed to learn, if he naturally feels afraid to open up?

It shows in the way he reacts to learning about Erik. Simon might be right, and Erik maybe just gave in to peer pressure, like everyone else in that school (which we see over and over again, like with the strike, and that guy who just repeats ‘yeah hilarious’ when Vincent tells him, and the graduation rituals and basically everything that everyone does at that fucking school), and maybe he wasn’t particularly homophobic. Or maybe he was, but if he had found out about Wilhelm maybe he would have changed his views (after all he was a stupid kid too)… But how would Wilhelm know? Erik is dead, there’s no way of asking him, confronting him about it. And people still call him perfect, and still compare him to his brother.

It must be so traumatizing to have held this person in your head as the one you trusted for everything, the one who would support you most, the one who probably knew you better than anyone else, who would love you and be there for you no matter what, and it turns out that he might not have accepted you at all. And just like that Wille is all alone and angry and afraid again.

(This is why it’s extra cruel that August posted that fucking video, especially how premeditated it was to share it over the whole world, but also then tell Wilhelm that his brother was possibly a homophobe. It doesn’t matter that he went through that horrible hazing, it doesn’t matter that he put a stop to it, and it doesn’t matter that he’s a stupid kid too, the fact that he did THAT to someone, anyone, is awful and he should have known better.)

So that scene in season 1 when Erik teases Wilhelm about his crush potentially changes completely. Maybe he didn’t suspect anything, maybe it was just a coincidence that he never used any pronouns…

And that makes it even more traumatizing that his parents still think of Erik as the figure of perfection, and Wilhelm, who is queer and scandalous and rebellious, is the real thorn on their side. Fucking Ludvig saying that Erik really was perfect, that he didn’t have “that darkness inside of him”, to his surviving son… But for all we know maybe Erik’s death was not accidental, maybe he did have “a darkness” inside of him.

On the other hand, that “darkness” doesn’t excuse Kristina at all. I am convinced that this depression/burnout that she’s going through is absolute bullshit. Sure, she might be depressed, she’s still grieving her “perfect” heir, and she’s going through a lot. But it’s like Wilhelm says, how convenient that she shuts down and breaks down now. She wasn’t like this when the video happened, because she could still cover it up. And she wasn’t like this when Wilhelm called her to scream that he was going to abdicate, because she could still drag him out of Hillerska. It was only when he told the whole world, and there was no covering it up anymore, that she suddenly became fragile with grief.

And even if it were true, even if she’s going through a severe depression or burnout, as a result of everything that’s happened, that doesn’t excuse her previous lies and manipulations. And it makes the fact that she still really wants Wille to become her successor, despite knowing what it could do to him, despite knowing that he’s already extremely anxious and that he does not know how to manage his own emotions, is evil.

(And even if she wants August to be the backup too, knowing how he is, knowing his own family history, and how it could affect him too, is evil too.) MORE on this later.

Kristina uses her breakdowns to emotionally manipulate Wille into trying to do his best to be the perfect crown prince, now indirectly through Farima and Ludvig. And Wille’s so concerned with her and her fragility that it affects his relationship with Simon. Because he’s anxious about the possible imminence of having to take over, of being the new monarch, when he can barely control his own feelings, when he just wants to enjoy his first relationship and just be in love.

Of course he made things worse for himself and Simon when he publicly revealed their relationship, but we can understand where that’s coming from. He didn’t want to hide anymore, he didn’t want to not be able to be himself anymore, not be able to be with the boy he loves. But they’re still forced to hide, because people start hating on Simon, because people won’t stop talking about them (as much as I HATED Wille shushing Simon, I also understood that he didn’t want anyone to hear their argument, because he didn’t want to give people more reason to talk about them, but also there’s probably a lot of ‘keeping up appearances’ embedded in his mind), because they are very different and almost incompatible for many reasons, and because being the crown prince means conforming to a lot of things (no tattoos, no cutting your hair shorter than, no nail polish, no expressing political opinions, etc etc), and so he has to remove the nail polish and he doesn’t want his foundation to be geared toward LGBTQIA+ people or mental health issues… He can’t express himself, he can’t be himself, because what he is or who he is for real is not compatible with his role or what is expected of him… he’s so repressed still.

(The whole nail polish scene, and the scene where Simon suggests that Wille’s foundation could be geared toward LGBTQIA+ youth, reminded me a little of Isak in SKAM saying that he wasn’t just going to start marching in the Pride parade or wearing makeup. Wille is not necessarily about identity expression, or at least he doesn’t think that he should be. He just wants to be himself, and be with the boy he loves, and that’s it).

As for Simon, he can do no wrong, and I absolutely agree with everything he says and does, but he has always been very idealistic, and he does come across as a little more naïve than I expected, especially with the whole social media comments and his song. It wasn’t the first time he experienced it, because things went south for him when he appeared on the video, so for him now to think that people are magically not going to be cruel.

But I understand how much he’s sacrificing for Wille, and Wille not appreciating it at all must sting. Just like he points out that he didn’t have contact with Micke for years, for Sara’s sake, and suddenly she’s living with him… that fucking hurt. Simon has always been very opinionated and outspoken, and he’s very authentically and proudly himself, but he’s also always molded himself to what other people need, like being a parented child and taking on too much in the house to relieve Linda, and taking care of Sara, and worrying about his father, and letting himself be manipulated by Marcus, and now basically giving up a lot of himself to be with Wille. And as a result Linda treats him like he’s a drug addict, and Sara goes to the father she didn’t want to have contact with, and Marcus talks shit about him to the press, and Wille doesn’t listen to him…

Sara saw the light (sort of), so maybe hopefully Wille will too. More on that later too.

Anyway, it would have been nice for someone from the royal court to sit Simon down and explain to him what being the boyfriend of a royal involves, so that Wille doesn’t have to figure out how to tell him all these difficult things himself. Wille is so used to some of these things, they seem so obvious to him, that he might not immediately think of how weird or outlandish it might seem to Simon. (THat scene with the cake, I mean… it was funny in a way, but I wonder how many terrifying thoughts crossed Simon’s mind, the obvious “wait what??? did I just eat poison???” but also “wait what??? someone’s trying to poison my boyfriend????” and “there are kids here, have they also accidentally been poisoned????”).

I really really hope that, since he’s being forced to go to Boris with August, that Wille will think about going with Simon, and trying to work things out. They need to be able to say all these things to each other, get on the same page.

More importantly, I need a callback to what Boris said to him in season 2, about the expectations of his family, about being able to make his own choices. Which Wille internalized beautifully with that speech to Simon outside his house.

Anyway, this is already very long. Moving on to more general thoughts:

- I did think that the fact that they sort of resolved the whole issue with the police report and the drugs felt a little anticlimactic. It was built up and built up and the whole season 2 finale was about that, and we had a cliffhanger and everything, and then… bye. I wonder if it will come back (more on that later).

- And for that matter, Alexander just became a background character. Did he even have any lines? I could barely spot him.

- August telling Wilhelm in front of everyone at the table that he’s sure Wille will fuck up on his own… rich.

- Also Stella and Rosh was sort of hinted at, it happened in a blink, and then Fredrika was… jealous? Confused? Homophobic? All of the above? But then… NOTHING. Stella was even missing in the last episode, because she was “sick”… (scheduling conflicts for Felicia? Actually sick?)

- I think it’s interesting that Sara preached and preached to Simon about giving people a second chance, including their dad, and then she… goes and does it? It wasn’t the first time she did, she was with August despite the awful thing he did. And then she goes and… gives August ANOTHER chance????

- Someone needs to tell Sara that she needs to stop getting wtih August, because every time they get together somehow, Wilmon go south… It seems these two couples cannot exist simultaneously…

- So I still have to rewatch, but… is August then in the middle of selling his father’s estate to pay Simon? Are any of his friends aware of this?

- I have a cultural question: what was the whole deal about travelling to the US? I mean, I thought they were asking if these kids have never travelled abroad, but they mentioned the US specifically, several times… Is that a thing in Sweden, traveling to the US? Not any other part of Europe? Not Asia? Just wondering. Made me curious.

- Still waiting for this season’s Elias song… just one episode left… If we don’t get one, or a callback to Revolution, I might claw my face off…

- Nils repeating that maybe Wille would have been better off with someone from the inner circle. Seriously, Nils, who do you mean? WHO? Who could you be referring to? Hmm?

- Something else about Nils… a part of me really wished that Wille would have asked Nils for confirmation on the Erik thing. Wille obviously doesn’t want to believe it at first, but then he does, and hearing it from August makes it even worse, so maybe hearing it from someone like Nils would be the final confirmation that he would need, that his brother was the worst. On the other hand, for him to ask Nils to confirm something like that, as a gay, and possibly hearing what happened to him as a result of it… that would have probably made it even worse.

- Really hate that Marcus was mentioned, that he came back to haunt Simon in a way, even if it was minimal. But props to Simon for not rising to the bait in that moment.

- Simon, my love, i understand that you’re upset and heartbroken, but… it would have been nice if you tried to get Wille to talk to you one last time, before breaking up with him on his birthday… especially seeing everything he’s going through. Not that your feelings are any less important than his, of course, but… are you trying to get him to jump out the window????

-Eternally saddened by the disappearance of the orange sweater. Eternally saddened by the fact that Wilhelm did not set foot in or around Simon’s house this season. Although who knows, still one episode left…

Things that I liked most:

- Seriously the chemistry between Edvin and Omar is OFF THE CHARTS. The intimacy coordinator this season was very good.

- Especially that sex scene. Not just because it makes me immensely happy when my favorite ship fucks, because holy shit that was hot, but also because there’s a whole theme around all the hate mail and messages and classism and homophobia and toxic masculinity that Simon is a target of, especially being Latino, whilst Wille, being white and privileged and high class and the heir to the throne, is probably seen as the “man” of the relationship (especially since in the video he’s also the one “in control” whilst Simon is the receiver), so it’s very VERY satisfying to see that they are both top and bottom at times, and they both equally enjoy it.

- Also the use of choir music during the sex scene, giving it a very holy feel, much like Elias’s Holy playing when they have sex again in season 2… seriously I NEED my Elias song this season or I WILL START A REVOLUTION.

- At first I was annoyed at the whole “school possibly closing” plotline, because I thought it was unneeded. Or that maybe it would play a bigger role in the whole video-drugs controversy. But the truth is that it was really good, how it highlighted these kids’ privilege and the absurdity of wanting to cover things up and uphold traditions, and it also worked wonderfully to highlight the divide between Simon and Wille. As Simon says to Wille, he only takes a stand when he has nothing to lose.

- Felice. Felice this whole season was magnificent. Her whole breakdown over the end of her friendship with Sara, showing how truly important it was to her. And Madison saying that sometimes breaking up with a friend is worse than getting dumped, and I AGREE SO MUCH. But then I also think she loses her sense of self, because despite being popular and beautiful, she still gets used and treated badly, by August (obviously), but also by Wille (the kiss), and worst of all by Sara (who in a way used her for her horse, but also for the clout). And in the meantime, she’s treated differently than the other students for being one of the few black girls, and she gets singled out for her hair… and yet, the school is using her to make themselves look good. And now she decides to give Sara a second chance, because she really missed her, because it really hurt to lose that friend, and Sara goes and… does that…

- One of my favorite things about Simon is how he is proof that just because you’re gay doesn’t mean that you have flawless fashion sense. And i can’t help but wonder how fashion and style icon/ELLE’s Best Dressed Man/OMR Beauty founder Omar feels about Simon’s fashion choices. Never change, Simon, never change.

- Vincent was every bit of the tremendous asshole that I hoped he’d be this season. Did not disappoint. I wanted to punch him in the face every time he opened his mouth. Marvellous.

- I’m happy that we got more Madison, but still not enough. Still, iconic. Forever one of my favorite characters.

- I don’t know what to say about Sara and Micke. Just maybe that, when he played that song in the car, even before they started singing, i just knew “oh fuck, it’s all going to shit soon…” I guess Sara felt lost enough that she was suddenly willing to give him a second chance. And the whole “is that going to happen to me?” bit really made me sad. That she understands that mental health and mental illness is unfortunately many times hereditary, and worries that she might become just like him… But despite not being entirely like him, with addiction problems and such, she was still unreliable like him, she did bad things to her family like he did… I was rooting for you, Micke, we were all rooting for you.

- I feel that August’s love for status and for the monarchy might be starting to fray at the edges. First with the fact that he was reminded of his own traumatizing initiation, and reminded of how the crown prince, his cousin and friend and idol, himself was part of that. Second with the fact that Simon points out that he might have an eating disorder, how he would probably not fare any better than the queen if he were in such a stressful position as crown prince or king, how difficult it is for him to handle stress and anxiety. And third with seeing how it affects Wille and Simon and realizing that something similar might still happen to him and Sara. And the fact that he reveals to Sara why he is the way he is, that he lets his guard down with her, might point to even more growth (even though I hate that Sara sort of gave him a “second chance” again). Also I feel the reality of how they, the Royal Court, would control his life is finally sinking in. Hopefully he will also soon realize that they also use him as a manipulation tool. So maybe he won’t let himself be manipulated by them much longer.

- I loved Wille’s ultimate outburst at his mother and father, i love that he told them everything they needed to hear, about their emotional abuse, their neglect. Unfortunately they still refused to acknowledge how terrible parents they have been, and walked off, instead of trying to resolve it. So Wille throwing around the gifts, as impulsive and tantrum-ish it might come across, makes perfect sense. He tries to talk and gets nothing in return. If he’s repressed it’s bad, but if he expresses himself then nothing happens either.

- And I love that Simon got to see what Wille is really dealing with. As privileged as he might be, he’s still lacking the most important things: unconditional support and love. No amount of money or status can make it better, and Wille is broken. The only thing is that, Simon saw how broken Wille was over the death of his brother, whom he loved very much, but I don’t think he quite grasps the gravity of Wille learning that maybe that beloved brother wouldn’t have been so cool with him, because he has never had to deal with a parent or sibling rejecting him for his sexuality. It’s something very different to be rejected by society at large than it is to be rejected by your own family, and not everyone has the emotional strength to deal with that. So for Wille’s parents to still like his potentially homophobic dead brother more than him, is heart-wrenching. But I don’t think Simon really gets that because he’s probably not surprised that Erik might have been like that, because in his eyes those privileged kids in that school (except obviously Wille, and Felice and Madison, who is asking about the non-binaries) are probably all massive homophobes.

- Despite this, I love that Simon sets boundaries nonetheless. I mean, it hurt like fucking hell for him to tell Wille, on his fucking birthday, that maybe they shouldn’t be together. But just because Wille is hurting doesn’t mean that Simon has not also been hurting too. And if they can’t comfort each other, and try to support each other when they both obviously most need it, then maybe they’re just not going to work. And it took a lot of guts for Simon to bring it up in that moment, in Wille’s bed, in the palace, where he’s basically trapped, with nowhere to go, no way to get away (I doubt he called Linda in the middle of the night to come pick him up more than two hours away in Stockholm).

My hopes for the final episode (I don’t think I have any predictions other than, open ending or not, Wilmon will be endgame and there will be a revolution, I just don’t know how):

- Wilmon talk. An actual, healthy, heartfelt talk. A reconciliation for the ages.

- That the fucking school will close and August won’t be able to graduate, and he’ll realize that maybe he shouldn’t have “lived for that school”, as Erik once put it.

- That Wille will realize that, if Erik was not the person he thought he was, then maybe he no longer has to live up to his legacy anymore. @foreverunraveling pointed out how, now that the big Erik revelation is confirmed, then maybe the queen’s trump card to manipulate Wille into being the ideal crown prince is gone. Wille doesn’t care about the monarchy really, but he did care about not disappointing his brother, the “perfect crown prince”, and now we know that he was far from perfect. Erik lived a double life, as Wille points out, there was “public Erik” or crown prince Erik, and there was “private Erik”, or the real Erik (or so Wille thought, now we know there was a “secret Erik” which was the real Erik) and Wille struggles so much with the idea of having to split himself in two, . Wille cannot live a double life, he withers away when he has to hide himself, and now he gets the opportunity to leave that stifling life behind, and blossom.

- That Simon will get a fucking break. I hate that his whole life was turned upside down from the moment the video was leaked, and it’s just never going to be the same, whether he stays with Wille or not, he’ll always be the boy from the crown prince sex tape, he’ll always be the crown prince’s ex, or the crown prince’s boyfriend. But I want some positive feedback for him, someone bigger than the woman and the little boy wanting a selfie. I want him to have his own fanclub or something. Maybe that’s too idealistic…? (I may be imagining something like that scene in Red White and Royal Blue, when they realize that there’s a whole crowd outside the palace all excited to the the Prince and his First son boyfriend… one can dream).

- I want whatever Felice said during the interview to be taken seriously, and for her to stop doubting herself.

- I want a genuine apology from August.

- Also one from Kristina.

- I get the feeling that the fact that August leaked the video might still come out publicly, what with the whole school issue. And in that case, I would like for it to be Simon might to do it, tossing the money from the settlement in his face. It looks like Simon still feels guilty about accepting it, especially when he chided Wille about his privilege and Wille (figuratively) threw the money back in his face. What if Simon does it literally?

- I really wanna know what’s going to happen between Felice and Sara now. The outlook is not good.

- Is it too much to ask to know what’s going on between Stella and Fredrika?

- Most importantly, is the whole thing with Erik going to come out eventually? And how will people react? With support for the monarchy, or with support for Wille?

I have so many more thoughts, but I’m slightly burnt out, and I really should take a break. Also this is way too long. Might have more thoughts once I’ve rewatched the first five episodes, calmly over the weekend…

Also this is very long and I’m sorry.

[grumfield]

I need to hear more about sondad anakin and obi-wan trying to get his padawan to parent him 👀👀👀

LFMAO there’s so much to this

Ok so there’s a scene in It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia where Mac gets upset because their old pedo gym teacher tried to molest his other friends when they were kids but not him and starts worrying it’s because he wasn’t special or cute enough. And this is literally like the closest thing I can compare to the complex Rogue Planet/Jedi Apprentice/Jedi Quest continuity Obi-Wan has lfmao

This legends continuity of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon’s relationship is like deeply fucked in a sadly funny way because Qui-Gon is the most self centered neglectful narcissist on the planet who literally doesn’t give a single fuck about Obi-Wan at all and constantly tries to drop him. Obi-Wan as a kid wasn’t good enough to be a Jedi so was sent to work on a farm and then BEGGED Qui-Gon to take him on, meanwhile Qui-Gon only mentored and cares about Extra Special Boys and Obi-Wan was Very Unspecial to him. And all of Obi-Wan’s behavior in Jedi Apprentice is basically just him trying to appease and get approval from a guy who dgaf about him. In trying to be an Ideal Jedi Obi-Wan only further makes Qui-Gon not like him which just creates a really weird dynamic and Qui-Gon tries to ditch Obi wan like on 3 separate occasions

So basically a lot of Obi-Wan’s behavior is always from a place of seeking this fatherly/mentor approval that was only given sparingly. He’s always like. Trying to be the best Jedi ever best most adoptable dog at the pound and it never pays off because 1) Qui-Gon doesn’t like loyal dogs and 2) before he could ever be good enough to get Knighted (Qui-Gon didn’t pass him for his his first knighting ceremony he failed it which is why he was a padawan at 25) He DIES!! And also knows that there was another Special Boy lined up.

Anyways I’ve talked a lot on here about his orthodoxy but in this sense I’ve always read it as what he falls back on (at this age) because of personal insecurity and a sudden lack of potential affirmation and order that he sought in Qui-Gon— he never got the confirmation that his way of being a Jedi was ever good enough, so he cares a lot about being the platonic ideal of a good Jedi and is intent on making anakin into that too. But he still yearns for that affirmation or whatever

Anyways this is all leading up to say that a lot of his interactions with Anakin at this stage are sort of projecting this and also sort of getting frustrated that this Special Boy who is supposed to be THE chosen one, the ultimate Jedi savior, is behaving in a very un-Jedi way. He is a priest getting frustrated that Jesus doesn’t know the Catholic Mass. Like he spends a lot of time looking for Jedi guidance in Anakin’s inherent existence the way he sought guidance in Qui-Gon, and is sort of similarly coming up short because Anakin is a baby who wants to play toys.

Not to oedipize it too much too but in Rogue Planet Obi-Wan specifically deep (very distinctly non-parental and VERY weird) love for Anakin really early and is really almost obsessively admires how powerful he is, but in JQ starts to become more critical of his inability to embody the Jedi teachings (ergo teach Obi-Wan how he’s supposed to be a good Jedi) and it REALLY REALLY feels like a kid who idolizes the their father starting to come down when they realize their father isn’t necessarily as perfect as they thought.

But like Obi-Wan’s own withholding nature makes Anakin seem his approval especially as a kid and so. Like. It’s this weird circular messy thing where they both want each other’s approval and affirmation but don’t get it. They’re both like please parent me! And then best I can offer you is brotherwife husbandson

And like!! It’s so weird!! IT’S SO WEIRD!! Anyways the most receptive Obi-Wan ever is to Anakin is when he gets “go to your room young man”d by him

[maxdibert]

I’ve seen you talk about how the Marauders fandom (and how they have made their horrifically inaccurate fanon canon in a way) and I was curious about your thoughts on their horrible mischaracterisation of Lupin. From what I’ve seen they paint him as a sarcastic bad boy who’s apparently getting hit by everything all the time or whatever constantly (gee, sounds familiar in a way. ((I believe this was spurred on by ATYD.)) Anyways, thoughts?

Each of the Marauders triggers me in a different way, and not because I was bullied in school or have a visceral reaction due to personal traumas with people like them, but because I’ve met people like them. I’ve had to put up with people like them—people who are terrible, you know it, you see them as the absolute worst, yet they have the audacity to think they’re morally superior to others simply because of their political stances.

As a student, I was very involved in unions and active in political groups, and I’ve met James Potters (wealthy, privileged kids from progressive families who thought they were "fighters for the people" but had no clue about people’s actual needs and were only there because it was what they were supposed to do), Sirius Blacks (privileged kids who thought they were special because their whole family were fascists and they had "broken the cycle," yet they still carried all the prejudices of someone raised in a conservative, right-wing environment and made zero effort to deconstruct themselves because they thought not talking to their parents was enough), and Remus Lupins.

Remus Lupins, the quiet guys, the introverted ones who seem super nice but have awful friends. They don’t seem like terrible people because they don’t proactively show their flaws, and if you compare them to the others—who are a whirlwind—they appear as though they’ve never done anything wrong.

What bothers me about how the fandom characterizes Lupin is that it has nothing to do with what we see in the books or what Rowling said about him. Lupin was someone deeply insecure and self-conscious about his condition as a werewolf. He didn’t want to draw attention to himself as a way to hide that condition. He always followed behind his friends, letting them take the lead. His relationship with James and Sirius was nothing like Harry, Ron, and Hermione’s. The latter trio did everything together; they lived their adventures together. From what we know (because it’s explicitly mentioned in the books), the ones constantly seen together were James and Sirius. It’s literally stated that where one went, the other was always there. Remus (as Rowling herself said) was the third in a duo.

In fact, I imagine Remus and Peter being closer (something most people seem to find unthinkable because they have the critical reasoning skills of an amoeba when it comes to the Marauders) precisely because James and Sirius were the duo. The idea that Remus was some kind of alpha male is absolutely ridiculous because, if there were two characters in that generation who epitomized toxic masculinity and outdated gender dynamics to the fullest, they were James and Sirius—two bullies who used their power to get what they wanted, whether it was torturing someone or dating a girl.

We see Remus avoiding conflict, not having the guts to tell his friends they were wrong even though he had the responsibility of being a prefect. As an adult, we see him justifying his friends’ actions, which are unjustifiable. Remus was a lapdog because being with James and Sirius was a way for him to protect himself, to feel safe, and contradicting them would mean jeopardizing that safety he so desperately needed. So, he let everything slide. This is canon, and it tells you his personality was fearful, passive, and accommodating.

Remus is a coward. In fact, I find him much more cowardly than Peter. He never had the guts to confront his friends, never had the guts to admit that his friends were horrible people—even as adults—and never had guts, period. The best evidence is that, at 38 years old, he got a young woman pregnant and then left because he didn’t have the courage to face the consequences of his actions. Remus is the typical nice guy who acts all chill and friendly and understanding but, when it comes down to it, behaves like a jerk. He’s a Ted Mosby type.

Any other characterization, especially one that tries to make him sassy or badass, is an insult to anyone who has read the books because they’re literally inventing a new character and slapping his name on it. But that fandom does this all the time—they do it with all the characters. It doesn’t even surprise me anymore.

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

I've been reading some of your homestuck essays, I think they're really good! I would like to know what you think about post-retcon homestuck and the interactions between reader and author throughout homestucks publishing. I was not in the fandom at the time of it being published, but I find this to be a very interesting aspect of the comic!

I was only on the fringes of the fandom at the time, but even that was enough to recognize that the fandom was absolutely awful. Every bad story you've heard about the Steven Universe, Voltron, and Undertale fandoms has its roots in the Homestuck fandom.

Pretty much as soon as the webcomic got popular on Tumblr, Hussie was put under intense scrutiny for basically every decision they ever made ever. I'm not going to say that Hussie was a perfect individual who never did anything wrong, because Hussie is a human being and that's how it works, but it's basically impossible to overstate how much the fandom tried to make an enemy out of Hussie.

The fandom was convinced that Hussie was their personal LE, and that attitude continues to this day - like, for an easy example of the fandom harassing Hussie for Literally Anything, when he stated that all trolls were bi/pan, to the point where they didn't have specific words for single-gender attraction, comparing it to a "more exacting preference" like somebody who only dates fat people - but that even within that framework, Kanaya was undoubtedly a lesbian character - people insisted Hussie was being homophobic. Fucking homophobic! For confirming all trolls are bi/pan, except Kanaya, who's a lesbian!

Other examples include: calling Hussie homophobic for John saying he wasn't a homosexual and Karkat literally not knowing what a homosexual was, because again, all trolls are bi/pan. Calling Hussie racist for making the kids aracial but accidentally leaving references to Dave having pale/pink skin in (because Hussie is a biased human person who can't be perfect and who did try to be more inclusive as the comic went on). Deciding that the dancestors served no purpose except for Hussie to be mean to their audience. Like there are valid criticisms to be made of Homestuck, but anything that was valid, nuanced, or thoughtful was drowned under a deluge of incoherent accusations of every -ism and -phobia that the fandom could possibly muster, the fandom as a whole racing to see who could paint Hussie as the biggest monster, even as they were harassing them to make more Homestuck.

Not to mention this was the era of rampant, unchecked ship wars and fandom misogyny. Not that fandom misogyny has gone away, mind you, but it's slightly more in check now. This was the era of fandom where it was normal to be sent death threats for shipping the "wrong" ship, and fandom ship wars were often encouraged by media of the time (love triangles were HOT - think zutara vs. kataang, team jacob/team edward, danny fenton/sam manson vs. danny fenton/valerie grey) because it drove up engagement. Homestuck was not really interested in shipping wars and love triangles - while many characters had circuitous routes and false starts, many were also pretty clearly set up to have specific endgame ships. But the fandom wasn't trained to behave that way, and the troll quadrants + canonical bi/pan trolls + active role of romance in the story meant that the ship wars were brutal - and also, Hussie was getting harassed every step of the way for not making peoples' favorite ships canon, a major part of a larger trend of people constantly ragging on Hussie for things not going the way they wanted plot-wise, to the point where Hussie had to comment on it constantly on his Formspring.

And don't think I forgot about the fandom misogyny! Here's a hot take for the class: Vriska is literally just Girl Zuko. She's ostensibly a noble from an imperialistic, warmongering, fascist society with an abusive parent who raised her with strict expectations, who thinks she has to act much more evil and more tough than she feels in order to earn the approval of her parent/society, and who secretly has misgivings and feels really bad about it and was set up for a redemption arc.

And people HATED Vriska. Vriscourse was so bad that many Homestuck fan spaces banned talking about Vriska at ALL, because just the mere mention of her name would spark massive, endless flame wars as people argued whether or not she deserved her little redemption arc (spoilers: yes, it turns out death is cheap in Homestuck and characters changing, growing, and becoming better is a huge part of the story) or whether or not she was justified in doing the things she did. Genuinely, I think a huge part of this intense hatred and anger was just misogyny. God forbid women have Zuko's character arc.

It was also part of two other large trends in the fandom - the first was that, despite finding every possible reason to call Hussie -ist and -phobic they could, the fandom itself was, ummm... "of its time." For example, the original March Eridan stuff was pretty clearly meant to be funny because, look, man in a dress! Isn't it sooo funny when Eridan wears a dress? (No hate to the artist, this was a long time ago and I'm sure they're a different person now.) The fandom was also constantly goading Hussie on WRT which characters were fat, and while we can argue about whether Hussie is fatphobic because none of the characters are canonically drawn to be fat, I'm going to go to bat for them on this: people treat the Fat Vriska jokes as though Hussie is the creepy weirdo exclusively, but the fandom was goading them on and thought that shit was hilarious, because that was what early internet fandom was like a lot of the time - at the same time as it harassed and decried creators for being problematic, it would turn around and delight in shitting on women, neurodivergent people, POC, and fat people, and Homestuck was rampant with it.

The second trend the Vriscourse was a part of was one that also hasn't fully gone away, but it's better now - wilful ignorance of the actual comic's contents. I'm not talking about the usual fandom fare of noncanon ships or "x character is trans/autistic/etc. even though I know there's no canon basis," which is all pretty damn harmless, but I mean like, memes and fanon would override canon and you would be outright harassed for not playing along. There are STILL places to this day that will call you an actual fascist, genocide liker, evil and irredeemable, etc. if you try to stick up for Eridan, even though Eridan is actually the LEAST casteist highblood and his entire character arc is about how his shitty fascist society makes him deeply anxious and unhappy. Similarly, you can/definitely would be be harassed for saying you don't like March Eridan and/or think it's OOC (it is), and I have nothing but sympathy for Gamzee and Equius fans, who also get it really bad.

The most vocal parts of the fandom, if not the majority, were people who were generally uninterested in engaging with Homestuck on Homestuck's terms, instead dead set on making up a version of it in their head and harassing people who disagreed, including Hussie. Echoes of that persist to this day - Equius, Gamzee, and Eridan get it bad, but practically none of the trolls have fandom interpretations that actually line up with who they are - Kanaya is actually just Eridan's bully (and did nothing to help Tavros after she caught Vriska kissing him), but people portray her as Nice Team Mom. Feferi is a casteist hypocrite who loves classism and calling people the r-slur, but people portray her as bubbly equality lady. So on and so forth. Like, damn, I barely participate in fandom and I'm out here meeting people who think Karkat ACTUALLY hates his friends like he says he does.

And then, of course, these people went and harassed Hussie because actual Homestuck did not match up with the Homestuck that existed only in their own heads.

On top of all the fandom harassment, Hussie was also facing ballooning scope. Most of Homestuck was a single dude drawing, writing, and animating it, and they would update every two or three days, sometimes less. So from the get-go, Homestuck was an INSANE project that demanded an insane amount of work and time from Hussie, and as it went on, it only got worse - and fandom expectations only got bigger. Suddenly, Hussie had to be in charge of merchandise, in charge of vetting, hiring, directing, and paying third-party artists, planning animations months if not years in advance, creating entire sections of the comic that had GAMEPLAY, directing ACTUAL GAMES, etc. ... there's an argument to be made that Hussie should not have taken on a workload they couldn't manage, but at the same time, the fandom certainly wasn't telling them to slow down. If anything, they harassed Hussie for every update, and were furious when hiatuses needed to happen to plan and execute some of the bigger moments later in the comic.

There's a Sarah Z video out there on the creation of the Homestuck game, which I think is OK if you take into account that Sarah kind of has fandom brain and is a little biased against Hussie (and I guess Hussie did send a spurious legal threat which is pretty funny but, y'know, understandable that Sarah would be peeved), where it's really clear that Hussie was not ready for the kind of responsibility, time, and effort needed to manage a whole-ass video game.

So by the time Game Over and the Retcon roll around, you basically have to imagine that Hussie has so many irons in the fire that the furnace is about to pop like a balloon, and the people they were making the damn things for in the first place have been relentlessly harassing them for YEARS, and weren't even that interested in engaging with the actual story in the first place. I'd say the majority of the fandom to this day STILL does not understand Eridan - how do you think they would've taken his redemption arc, and especially the fact that he was set up to date Karkat and Roxy? Given the pattern of their behavior up to that point... they'd probably harass Hussie and call them homophobic.

This is why I genuinely cannot blame Hussie for turning on the fandom and truncating their story. Vriska got upgraded to main character and had her character development reset because fuck you, fandom, you couldn't understand her redemption arc in the first place so now you don't get one. DaveKat got (kind of) made canon but as a weird throuple with the Mayor because fuck you, fandom, you didn't appreciate any of the actual gay ships that were set up so now you're stuck with brutally OOC DaveKatMayor. Karkat and Jake have their plot threads left hanging because fuck you, fandom, you never even noticed all the prophecies and symbolism and character arcs because you were all too obsessed with screaming at women and took the dancestors as a personal insult, so now the guy who's supposed to defeat LE and the guy who's supposed to bring equality and forgiveness to all bloodlines don't even get to participate in any of the important boss battles.

People call Hussie a troll, and they really aren't. If you read their old Formspring, they're clearly deeply fucking passionate about the art of storytelling, and switch between bafflement, mild indignation, and playing along when people ask them stupid questions. But back then, they were always very serious and genuine when they answered questions asked in good faith, and I'm being 100% genuine when I say that I've learned about how to tell stories better by reading Hussie's Formspring. Over time, however, those stupid questions became more common, and often morphed into outright harassment, and in response to that, Hussie's answers became more humorous and facetious, and the fandom - who was already trying to find ANY reason to hate Hussie - started to paint Hussie as an unreliable trickster and liar who got their jollies by shitting on the fandom.

Honestly, in doing so, the fandom was what turned Hussie into exactly that. Again, I'm not saying Hussie was a perfect baby who did nothing wrong - there's a lot of stuff to critique and scrutinize about their writing, their biases, and what topics they found appropriate to joke about. However, I AM saying that they were also just a human fucking being who was trying to write a good story, who was harassed at every turn, mostly for things that actually weren't problematic at all, whose words and actions were always taken in the absolute worst possible faith, and that the fandom is not fucking faultless, and if there's anyone that I'm mad at for how bad Homestuck ended, it's the fans.

That's my hottest Homestuck take.

[demeterdefence]

been thinking a lot about how lore olympus really just could not fathom the concept of found family, it absolutely HAD to have a traditional blood-related family for the ending which is just ... so rachel honestly lmao we really should have known.

there were a lot of instances in the series where it almost seemed like rachel went out of her way to paint biological families as inherently dysfunctional, or at least not all they're cracked up to be - aphrodite is disdained by ares' family, zeus and hera are constantly arguing / zeus is constantly unfaithful, rhea and ouranos are an abusive marriage that begets three wildly traumatized sons, etc and so forth. that's not to say all families were bad or flawed (whether that was a choice or rachel spent so little time on them it just didn't come up) but the end result is that there were a lot of broken biological families in the series.

i think rachel wanted to demonstrate that you do not have to stick with an abusive family if they hurt you - that blood is not the defining aspect of family and bonds, that you can make your own and build your own family. i think rachel thought she was writing that, with how hades hates his dad and how persephone distances herself from demeter (who did nothing wrong but anyways.) the problem is, she absolutely does not follow through with it. at the end of the day, rachel is going to prioritize blood bonds and biological children over found family, because to her, that's the only family that counts.

like, hades raised thanatos from childhood and abuses the fuck out of him, completely traumatizes the god of death to the point thanatos is genuinely afraid of hades. thanatos is mocked, derided, scorned, and scoffed at by hades, constantly. thanatos did not have a CHOICE in who raised him, his mother abandoned him into hades' care. and hades does not for a single moment let up on how resentful he is about it. when thanatos finally admits that he only had hades as a parental figure (or ANY kind of family, tbh), hades turns it into how that affects him, how it makes him feel. after, we get two jokes about how hades is thanatos' dad now, and the last scene we ever get of thanatos is that "sometimes hades talks to him." thanatos never shows up in hades' daydreams of a family, he never shows up as a person who is important to hades. for centuries, hades was in charge of raising thanatos, not once does he ever appear in any of hades' dreams or wants regarding family. not biological family, so fuck off.

more to the point, the narrative makes it explicit to us that hades can't have children - it's brought up three times specifically, to drive the point home that hades wants children, he's definitely tried to have children, and it just won't happen. melinoe was seen as a way around that, and i won't lie, compared to rachel's usual hamfisted approaches, it wasn't the worst idea to have. but by the end of the series, it's shown that oh, nope, hades can have children (only with persephone though) and also they look like him, because biological bonds are everything. you know who doesn't count? dionysus, who was kidnapped from his dad and raised as a pet project for persephone. the kid helps her conquer winter or whatever the fuck that plot point was, but because he's not their biological child, hades and persephone ditch him after the final battle and throw him his old mom back to get rid of him.

biological children aren't a bad thing and it's not a bad thing to want or have them, but it's so fucking telling that hades and persephone have multiple people in their lives who should be considered family, and are picked up and discarded summarily once their use is over. dionysus was their proxy kid, and we literally do not see hades interact with him except maybe twice. thanatos gets absolutely trounced and i'll never not be angry about that. i don't even know what's going on with persephone's half brother, but he shows up for a single panel in the finale and then disappears.

wouldn't it have been so powerful if hades, an abuse victim, decided to be the father thanatos deserved? wouldn't it have been more in line with the supposed message of the story if hades and persephone opened their homes to people who once felt like them, abandoned and unwanted? at the very least, couldn't they have shown love to the people in their lives who sacrificed so much and put up with so much from them? what exactly is the measure of a family in lore olympus? we can't control who births us, but we can control the hurt we ourselves give, and the love we share, and that would have been an infinitely better ending for the two most selfish characters to show their growth. another disappointing pin in an already massively disappointing ending.