#because i've been depressed af for so long now

[twost3ps]

Hazbin Oc voiceclaims LETS GOO

Ok so I've been brewing a bit and have been kinda busy. I got one last exam coming up and then I'm FREEEEE but I wanted to push something simple out so I decided to do voice claims because that is somehow easy (not)

These are partially for the scott pilgrim au, it makes it a bit more immersive to me

Anywayyysss: Heres the video of the voices (it's 4.5 min I'm so sorry)

and if ur interested: let me break down whyyy :3 + small oc blip (I still don't really know how to chracterize them it's all over the place) they go in order of appearance

Micheal: Johnathan Groff

Micheal is pretty closed off and cold. His answers are cold and short, and he doesn't like wasting time. Working 24/7 is his way of ignoring everything bad that has ever happened to him, until recently. He's trying to go back to his roots and have some fun. B4, in Eden he was basically a fun loving party guy who liked to bend the rules, but since his brother's betrayal, he grew angry and to snuff it out he just worked super hard. Super straight laced. But after a while he's trying to be silly again, people find it weird though because it's just been so long.

Initially, I wanted something deep- like deep deep. And while true, Micheal could have a fitting deep voice-

I think Groff just fits really well. He hits all my boxes.

His voice is rich and smooth but has a bit of dorkiness to it?? (Kristoff) The closest thing I can go into describing my Micheal is, again, an ex frat boy that caught depression when things got too real but now is recovering and healing. Idk Groff's voice just gave the vibe. His voice is kinda similar to Jordan's (Lucifur's va) imo, especially when they sing. Of cousre they're not gonna sound identical, but its like Emily and Charlie, it's just similar when they sing. Also Groff can pull off a rocker voice (the Bohemian Rapsody clip) and I need that. I want that rocker Micheal FEAFSEF

In general though, Groff has been my #1 option. Not just for my Micheal, but like, a lot of Micheals I've seen. I look at them and all I can hear is Groff soooo. Yeah. I also think that if Micheal were to be part of the actual series and be Lucifur's twin he'd be the kinda guy they're looking for. But yeah, hes always been #1 choice

Gabriel: Chris Fleming/Jshlatt

Gabriel balances out Micheal's colder demeanor. He's loud and a bit obnoxious about. But overall, this man is a goober. He's a man that can't keep a secret and keeps it real, a bit too real this man is way too honest. Won't shut up once you get him going especially when he's excited. It's bad when he peaks at one emotion because he goes all out. Overtime he's gotten better but still out af.

I wanted Gabriel to have some sort of gruffness. Some edge. Gabriel's thing is spreading the word of God and all but I can't think of him having a smooth voice. (I mean he yells all the time, how can he not???) I wanted something expressive, loud and gruff. A voice that you know does not stfu and does not hold back.

Fleming came to mind when I head him from bigtop burger (love that series) his voice is fun, low and gruff. Jshlatt was recommended by one of my friends when I showed them Gabriel. I was pretty unfamiliar with him b4 and when they showed me him my jaw dropped. His voice is what I kinda want it to be, just a bit higher. And the singing voice fits really well too :)

Raphael: James Earl Jones/Thurl Ravenscroft/Nat King Cole

Raphael is supposed to be this chill soft guy you can go to for comfort. He's like a marshmallow of a man and can be very empathetic. But underneath all that is a unit of a man who could throw you thousands of yards away.

I wanted something rich, deep and smooth. I had to ask my friend again with this one and we got Mufasa (James Earl Jones) Fits really well! So yes, smooth and soft, but an underlying tone of powerful. I also wanted his to have just a lot of bass to it. Something you could sleep to. Why Nat King Cole for the last option? I genuinely have no clue but it fit to me so I slapped it on this bad boy.

Azreal/Dumah: Steve Blum

Ok. Both of them are idiots. My version of them anyways. They fight a lot. I mean when you are suck together it’s bound to happen (They share one body but only one can take full control at one time- mostly Azreal because Dumah hates people. I’ll just show you guys one day. They can separate but only when they are given permission. Big fussy babies). They finish each other’s sentences a lot when talking. Azreal is the goofier brother who likes making jokes and Dumah is the more serious one. When retrieving souls Azreal is the one who takes it while Dumah judges. Dumah hates when people joke while on the job (he hates Azreal for this this) but he hates it even more when they go against God's word. Azreal could give less of a crap, he just finds reaping super fun.

Blum fit for me after watching Puppycat seeing his role as space outlaw. It shows his ability to be goofy but his other roles consist of also very serious characters which fits Dumah and Azreal pretty well. Blum has this crazy rasp about thing going on (is that what it is?) it makes him stand out which fits for the angels that deal with the dead. Makes you very awake imo. Idk there’s just something about it. While Azreal and Dumah share the same voice, Azreal is higher than Dumah’s. What I mean by that is (when looking at the audio clip from the video) when Blum’s voice is generally higher, that’s Azreal. When it’s pitches lower that’s Dumah. Dumah in general doesn’t speak much unlike Azreal- they’re what comes to mind when people think of introvert and extrovert lol

Sadly I couldn't find a sining voice for him :(

Eve: Lisa Hannigan

To me, Eve holds a lot of motherly energy. She's soft and kind, but she actually holds similar feelings to Adam about sinners. Don't get me wrong, she feels bad for their eternal punishment, but in the end, it's on them. Like, if she was presented with the hotel, she'd comply but try to take over it becoming this overbearing presence that would put you in your place without lifing a finger if you didn't fird her standard. If she'd hear one complain shed be like, "i know it sucks but really, you did this to yourself." But besides that, to everyone else, she's kind. In heaven, she's recluse, only really going to Adam for anything. Her punishment on earth did something to her, and unlike Adam, she does not like seeking comfort from others. Shes subtle about it, but you can easily tell by the vibes she gives off - they are STRONG (Idk about this over all this may change)

I feel like this is kinda a given. Then again it could be just me. I wanted Eve to have this soft motherly vibe. Like her voice is just barely above a whisper sometimes, but is still kinda deep. Blue diamond came to mind like immediately. There were other options like Esmeralda’s VA, especially the one from the musical, but I wanted to give Eve this sense of solemn, sort of driftyness and chill. Ngl her character really resonates with blue diamond so it kinda just fell into place. It’s in contrast to Adam’s sharper and more gruff voice, where he can hit more highs, she hits more lows.

Eve is literally Adam’s other half (and while in my au they aren’t in love anymore or maybe they were never in love at all idk, they were definitely soulmates who loved each other dearly)

Again, notes on the floor and everywhere. They thoughts are always super scatterbrained

But yeah that’s pretty much it! If you guys have any recommendations or suggestions yourself feel free to tell me I am welcome to anything!!!

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

I am so happy you're back and seem to be doing even a little bit better! We missed you!

I wanted to send a little message, so you can ignore it if it sours your mood or you don't feel like dealing with it, feel no pressure at all! It's just this blog has been a safe space and the community has been so welcoming that I figured I could vent really quick

You know when sometimes the brain just has a really shitty day, like when you draw something and it screams at you that it's trash even though there's nothing wrong with it? I've been having a rough time with it deciding to scream that comfort characters would cheat, probably as an 'You are so unlovable not even fictional characters would be loyal' bullshit. Now, logically, I know this makes -67 sense. But, I was wondering if you could just reassure that like, Sanji, Mihawk, Buggy, Shanks, Crocodile, Blablablablabla long list of One Piece characters you write for, would not cheat? I'm sorry, this sounds lame to even write out but I'm trying to get my brain to stop thinking that asking for help is 'pathetic' because it is not and it only applies that logic to me, never to anyone else.

I dunno man. Brains and bring human ate both though af.

I missed all of you as well. Really and sincerely. I have a tendency to go radio silent when I'm going through a difficult time and I hate it immensely, but hearing that I was missed to makes me all

And yes, oh gods, I know. My brain is frequently my worst enemy. Especially when I'm not writing. My anxiety starts working overtime and my creative drive becomes dedicated to coming up with problems that could potentially happen for me to worry about even more and it's an absolute bitch; or even when I am actively creating and a little voice insists that everything I make is stupid garbage.

This is still very much and always will be a safe space. It definitely is awful to feel that unworthy of love. Full disclosure, I've mentioned in passing before that I've been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder depressive type. My main issue is auditory hallucinations that like to insist that everyone I love and care about only tolerate me out of pity and secretly would rather I not be around, which leads to me isolating myself from people. Huge part of the reason I go silent when life decides to be a bitch. I know it's just as bad feeling that way about comfort characters, if not even worse, when we're supposed to have them to help us get through that kind of bullshit.

So let me provide a little drabble for the one comfort character I’m certain wouldn’t ever allow us to continue being so silly about our worthiness of love and affection, because we’re all worthy of such a basic human need. I may do more later, but one in particular jumped at the opportunity to provide this comfort, and I fear he may counter me with his dreaded puppy-dog-eyes should I even dare attempt to wait.

Good Enough

OPLA!Sanji x AFAB!Reader

Lil drabble thingy

SFW, Hurt/Comfort

Possible TRIGGER WARNINGS for depression, insecurity, self-worth

♫♬ Moonshine ♬♫ — The Fratellis (yes I’m STILL on my Fratellis BS leave me be)

"Never knowing is the most evil feeling, when every answer here is none too appealing"

Sanji had always been a flirt. You knew that from the moment you started working on the wait staff at Baratie. Your trust issues had made it a little difficult for you to open up around the young sous chef (and occasional waiter on the frequent occasion that Zeff kicked him out of the kitchen for insubordination), but it was his outgoing nature and perseverance that had ultimately won you over. He had a way of making you feel like you were the only girl in the world when you were together, doting upon you, all but worshipping the ground you walked on.

But when he was sent out to work the dining area, it always made you nervous. His innate charm, his handsome features—he was nearly always a hit with female customers. No matter how much you told yourself that he was only doing his job, there was always a nagging feeling that maybe there was more to it than that. Watching him interact with a table of pretty young women, who by their clothing and demeanor were obviously far more affluent and sophisticated than you, left you distracted in your own work.

Seeing how they giggled at everything he said, how they fluttered their eyelashes when he brought them their drinks.

How the pretty blonde at the table leaned so close to him while he pointed to something on the menu, close enough to brush her hand across his.

You managed to spill a tray of drinks all over yourself while you were watching, leading to a scolding from the front of house manager. You saw the table of girls from the corner of your eye, giggling at your clumsiness before you were sent off to clean yourself up and change your uniform.

No matter how much you told yourself you were being silly, there was nothing you could do to shake it. The doubts, the thoughts of how easily he could find someone better than you. You had your jaw clenched the entire time you were changing your shirt in the staff restroom, tossing the soiled one aside as you leaned against the sink in front of the mirror and forced yourself to take slow, level breaths.

You were still on the clock. You couldn’t break down. You had to get changed, had to get back to work, had to pretend everything was fine, if he found out you were being so stupid about this then he would definitely drop you like a bad habit, you had to compose yourself or—

Knock knock.

Your eyes darted to the bathroom door, your breath catching in your throat at the sound of the light knock.

“J—just a minute,” you forced out, flinching at the sound of your own voice breaking a little.

Stupid, you’re being stupid, stop it stop it stop it—

A brief silence followed your answer, a silence that seemed to stretch on for miles despite lasting only a few seconds. The familiar, gentle voice that answered after a moment made your hands clench around the porcelain of the sink.

“You alright, love?” You drew in a sharp breath, swallowing, clenching your eyes shut. Of course it was Sanji. You had almost hoped that the manager had come scold you for taking too long. That would have been easier to deal with right now. Your eyes darted to the locked doorknob as it rattled a little. “I heard—”

“I’m fine,” you said immediately, the strained quality of your own words as they met your ears making your hands tighten a little more on the edge of the sink. “I—I just tripped and spilled a few drinks, I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Are you sure you’re alright?” You gritted your teeth, laying your head back to stare up at the ceiling. Of course he wouldn’t let it go that easily. The doorknob rattled a little again, and you glanced at it as if it were a viper poised to strike out at you at any second.

Stupid, you’re being stupid, don’t—

“You sound—”

You reached out and turned the lock on the doorknob, and turned away from the door, crossing your arms over your half-buttoned shirt and stared down at your feet. After a long moment, you heard the door open behind you.

Evidently you didn’t look any less distressed than you felt. His quiet sigh met your ear as the door shut lightly and the lock turned. “Oh, love, it’s fine,” he said gently, his footfalls echoing quietly in the small bathroom, closing the short distance across the tile floor between the two of you. Your whole body tensed as he wrapped his arms around your waist from behind, resting his forehead over the crown of your hair with a quiet chuckle. “It’s only a few drinks, it could happen to anyone.”

You shook your head, your shoulders shaking a little. Stupid, it was so stupid, but the words were already leaving your mouth before you could stop them. “Oh, yeah, anyone.” You couldn’t stop. You couldn’t. He had a way of pulling all your insecurities to the surface that no one else did. You pulled your crossed arms tighter, staring down at the white floor tiles for a moment before shutting your eyes tightly, your voice shaking a little. “Especially a dumb screw-up like me—”

“Don’t do that.” His tone came out a little sharper with this, and your breath hitched audibly in your throat this time, your shoulders hunching as you clenched your eyes shut tighter, swallowing back the lump in your throat. As if to counter your stiff posture, he pulled his arms tighter around your waist, pulling you closer, his thumb rubbing lightly against your waist in a comforting manner. “Don’t, sweetheart. Please.”

The warmth of his embrace already had you relaxing a little. Your shoulders slumped, your body leaning back against him, but your eyes were still burning when you opened them to stare down at the toes of your shoes.

“Was it the manager?” he asked gently, shifting behind you to rest his chin on your shoulder. “If he was being an ass I’ll gladly kick his ass off the docks.” Your breath left your lungs in a slow, trembling sigh as you shook your head no, your gaze drifting down to his hand at your hip, still rubbing lightly against you, your lips curling into a fleeting smile at his offer. You knew you were being stupid, but… “Then what’s wrong, love?” he asked, his voice a soft, comforting murmur in your ear.

“I…” You drew in a deep breath, closing your eyes as he tilted his head so his cheek lay against your shoulder. “Y—you—“

You swallowed against the lump forming in your throat, drawing in a deep breath, trying and failing to steady the whirlwind of thoughts swirling through your mind, thoughts of how maybe this was all a lie, of how you weren’t anything more than a silly little fling to him, how you weren’t good enough, how easily you could be replaced.

You bit your lip, glancing down as his hand found yours, watching his fingers lace between your own…and the breath left you in a slow, resigned sigh.

“It’s stupid,” you said quietly.

“If it’s got you this upset, then it’s anything but stupid,” he countered, and you had to purse your lips tightly to keep them from curving into a small smile as you felt his press briefly against your cheek in a soft kiss. “And if it’s something I’ve done—”

“N—no, you haven’t—” But how quickly you shook your head, how your shoulders tensed, betrayed your worries. “I…I just…” You slowly relaxed once more as he squeezed you against him, his cheek nuzzling against your shoulder, his soft blonde hair tickling against your neck. Still unable to turn your head to meet his eyes, you bit the bullet and forced yourself to voice your worries. “You have beautiful women making goo-goo eyes at you all day,” you said, keeping your voice low in an attempt to keep it steady. “I—I don’t—I’m not—” You bit your lip, your heart racing as you clenched your eyes shut, cursing yourself internally as you felt the tickle of a tear leaving your eye to trail down one of your cheeks. “Y-you could have any girl you wanted. L—like that blonde that was hanging all over you while you were showing her the menu, or—or—”

“Oh, sweetheart…” You weren’t quite able to mask the small sob that hitched in your chest as Sanji loosened his embrace—only to gently place a hand on your hip, guiding you to turn around and face him, to pull you against his chest as you tried and failed to fight back tears. He gently shushed your quiet sobs and stammered apologies as he wrapped his arms around you fully, combing his fingers through your hair as he laid his head over yours. Your eyes remained clenched shut as you fought to control your breathing , as he pressed a tender, lingering kiss to your forehead.

Sanji lowered his head and nuzzled into your hair, holding you flush against him.

“I already have the girl I want. The perfect girl.” He pressed another tender kiss to your temple, murmuring against your skin, “I have her right here in my arms. And I hope,” he said, his tone turning a little playful as he shifted to rest his forehead against yours, “that I’ll still have her tonight after dinner shift is over.” He brushed your hair behind your ear, smiling as he tilted his head to meet your gaze, puling a small smile to your lips as your cheeks grew a little warmer. “So we can cuddle up together on the balcony…watch the stars…laugh at all the drunk idiots stumbling back to their boats…”

You could practically hear him smiling as a few soft giggles escaped you, as you finally leaned fully against him and returned his embrace, your arms wrapping around his torso as you buried your face against his chest.

“I’m sorry,” you sighed, relaxing against him. “I…I’m just…”

“I know, love.” The way he called you ‘love’ all but melted your heart now that you were calmed down, pulling a faint smile to your lips. “I know. You don’t have anything to be sorry for. And if it’s any consolation, I was in the middle of telling that self-righteous blonde bimbo how my sweet, adorable, beautiful girlfriend would wring her neck if she kept putting her hands on me—“ He chuckled as you whined in protest of his praise, tugging you closer and grinning, meeting your eyes without hesitation.

He lifted his hand to your face, his thumb brushing across your cheek, the warmth of his gaze holding yours.

“I—“

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

You both jolted in alarm, your heads turning in unison toward the sound of the pounding on the bathroom door. Before you could so much as glance at each other, a gruff voice spoke up from behind the door.

“We’re in the weeds, Eggplant!” Zeff called . “Get your scrawny ass to the kitchen! And bring your damned girlfriend, we need all the help we can get.”

A long moment of silence stretched between the two of you as you both stared at the closed bathroom door, before your gazes drifted slowly toward each other.

Before you were both giggling under your breath, as you buried your forehead against his chest, a broad smile spreading across your lips as you clung to him.

“I suppose we’ve been summoned,” said Sanji, pulling back from you only enough to gaze down at you, still smiling. “Shall we, then?”

[olivianyx]

I didn't knew u were a respawner! That's so cool, I've been on my respawn journey for like 1-2 months, I hope this is okay to ask but how is your respawning routine? Currently I am taking a break but I would love to hear abt your respawning journey so far :>

Heyy! I'm glad I find many people who are into respawning! Actually mine's a long ass story and you might wonder how am I even doing fine to this day 😭

Okay so long story short, let's begin.

Back in 2022, I discovered shifting. After finding out about loa in 2021, I was anticipated to shift realities just to escape this one. I hated being here. I was suffering with depression, bi polar, avpd, anxiety and maladaptive daydreaming, and I was from a toxic household with narcissistic, toxic and strict parents and fake af friends. It was really hard for me to even open up to somebody. It was hard for me to handle (actually I'm tearing up rn while I type this... Especially those traumas are the worst thing I ever experienced)

When I started my research about shifting, I got into amino. I saw the word 'respawn' and I was like tf is this?? I thought it was some gaming shit and then when I researched it on amino, I really wanted to go away from here and be happier than ever. I wanted to be in peace and do whatever I want in my reality. And no one should judge or stop me from getting what I want. I quickly scripted the place I wanna respawn, and other stuffs. I decided that I will get tf outta here.

Well because I had a reason that I'll respawn, I completely ignored my 3D circumstances. Like I stopped taking care of myself, stopped talking to people around me, stopped studying, stopped doing everything. I just was desperately trying to respawn every night telling myself that I will.

When in fact I was wasting my time and energy into lack. I almost didn't study for my finals and wrote the exams and hope that I'd respawn before my results will be declared. I used to keep time crunches to respawn, and when I didn't, I used to get so depressed, that I attempted to take my own life for the first time ever back in may 2022.

My brother accidentally entered my room and saved me from doing that. When I say I've almost attempted to take my own life for like 10+ times that same year, I still didn't give up. My exam results came and I luckily passed my exams.

So after all these I decided to give a break for 3 months completely for my own mental health. Ik my journey for 2 years wasn't smooth, it was full of ups and downs, and it messed my mental health up. I wasn't even using loassumption in a proper manner at that time. Ngl, I was so damn desperate for manifesting even the smallest stuff (I just wanna time travel back in time and slap the shit outta that version of me that I was back then 💀)

So when I got into a medical university in 2023 January, I completely forgot about respawning for a while. And again in October 2023, I logged into Tumblr, and became friends with one of the respawner Julie. She was so sweet, that she even answered every stupid doubts of mine (God give me Julie's patience 🗣️🗣️) she had respawned back in October 2023.

She was the one who told me 'SELF CONCEPT IS THE KEY!' so I started working on my self concept for like 1 and a half-ish months.... Well, I wasn't even perfect with it, but I tried. I did many challenges but the meraskii one had a good effect on my mindset. So last Christmas, I even learnt about the void (I hate implying it as void, I'd rather say it as I AM state) I wanted to enter it so bad.

I just did my affs, persisted in it, and listened to subs, and on Christmas Eve, I got into it successfully.

This year, I find respawning a very relaxing topic. Like I don't even get bothered by it. I know I'm already where I wanna be. And don't worry, my mental health has been good for a few days now. I was thinking of changing my script, so for the past 2 months, I've been scripting my new reality, well still it's only half way done hehe.

By the end of this month, I'm planning on respawning through the void. So till then I just wanna be thankful for everything here and enjoy every moment here without regrets.

Everybody's journey is different. All you have to do is embody your desired state. You just have to be the version of you having your desires. Be the one who already has it. For me, that took 3 years to click. I just had to relax and give myself in. Let go and enjoy the fact that I already have my desires in the 4d.

Ig this helped... any further doubts, you can ask me! Lots of luv 🤍🤍🤍🤍

- olivia 🤍

[jjs-brainrot]

And finished Girls band Cry.

Is it the best band anime of all time? Yes. Is it up there with stuff from Studio Orange as one of the best 3DCG anime? Yes. Is it absolutely my contender for anime of the season? Hell yes!

It's honestly been a long time since I've seen a completely original series just keep up such a consistently high production value and writing quality through out its run time. Like what ever you choose for the "weakest" episode would still basically be the highlight episode in any other anime.

The CGI genuinely might be some of the most expressive and fluid I've seen in a 3DCG anime. Like not even just in terms of framerate or character movement, I mean every scene each character has so much detailed and intricate facial and body language going on at every moment. It doesn't translate well into screenshots but it genuinely feels like you can just get how a character is feeling and what their personality is like in any given scene based purely on body language a lone which is incredibly impressive.

Writing-wise, it's hit after hit after hit. While some episodes are higher then others, there's never a moment where the series isn't doing everything in it's power to hit the emotional beats it's wanting to hit. The writing also just fully commits to feeling just really well grounded? Like nothing feels too out of left field or unearned and it just feels like a pretty natural story about a band coming together to try to make it in the modern music scene.

The entirety of the main cast is just fantastic.

Nina is easily going up there as one of my all time favorite protags. She's brash, goofy, has a sense of justice she never strays from even when it actively does her harm, she's angry af and she genuinely acts like how a teenager who's been though some shit would act. She's a flawed person (an outright hypocrite at times even) but that's what makes her such a relatable character.

Momoka comes across as a hot headed but confident rocker girl, but the reality is she's a bit of a coward. She sees herself as a complete failure and the only reason she hasn't already run away is the angry little hedgehog girl, whom she sees so much of her younger self in (even if a lot of that might be projection), keeps stopping her at every turn.

Subaru: the actress, the liar, the goofball, the hedgehog wrestler. So much of her personality is being as blatantly fake as fuck as she can every scene before someone calls her out on it. And so much of her fakeness just crumbles anytime she has to deal with her bandmate's antics (Nina especially) to the point that she can just be herself around them. She also has the funnest facial expressions and body language. She just has to be extra in every scene she's in.

Tomo and Rupa did feel like they got a little bit shafted in the series if I'm honest. A lot of that is because they really didn't get to get much screen time until the half way point though the fact that the series is much more focused on Nina and Momoka's storyline so the other three got less focus. Tomo tended to act like the band's straight man but she def got her own goofy moments. Rupa is the friend mom of the band. She does have the most depressing backstory but she always has to keep the mood lively (especially if there's beer involved).

The Music in GBC is absolutely fantastic. If Bocchi the Rock! is an homage to the current J-Rock scene, referencing bands like Asian Kung-Fu Generation, Tricot and 88Kasyo Junrei, Girls Band Cry is much more focused on paying homages to J-Rock from the 90s and 2000s, referencing bands like Yura Yura Teikoku, Gingnangboyz, Spitz and Eastern Youth.

Togenashi Togeari themselves might be my all time favorite J-Rock band now. Their music just absolutely hits and I just can't stop obsessing over them. What's particularly wild is that the VAs/musicians comprising Togenashi Togeari are all first time VAs who were all hired through an audition process that was specifically looking for women who never sung in public, played in a band, or played rock before. The series is just that committed to being grounded that it forms a band of nobody's who didn't know about each other before becoming a band to play a band of nobody's who didn't know about each other before becoming a band.

So anyways, I've rambling for far too long. Girls band Cry is amazing, you should all watch it in whatever way you can and then listen to all of TogeToge's songs on endless repeat like me.

[foxgirlintestines]

The one piece of advice I can really give to younger trans girls is that you really need to embrace the parts about you that you actually liked pre-transition. There is often that crushing weight of gloom and self loathing that comes with severe dysphoria that tells you that everything about you is wrong, but that can just your mind being clouded with negative emotions, and it becomes harder to see the positives. In the end, though, you probably aren't going to become a perfect barbie doll, and that's ok, but striving to become something like that can drive you crazy.

When I first transitioned, I just wanted to be a girl, no ambiguity, just look like a stereotype. It was never really possible, I'm almost 6 and a half feet tall, and the women in my family are not thin, when I got on estrogen I gained weight fast, and it did not go to all the right places. I wallowed in bed a lot, and I just kind of kept getting worse. Oddly enough, it was getting into fetish content where less standard body types were lusted after more than regular anime proportion waifus where I started to see some of the more positive aspects of being amab. I was tall, strong, could be threatening and having a big squishy gut was actually quite attractive. I started to remember things about me when I was younger that I kind of pushed out of my mind. I was the "guy" who would run the mile in PE then casually walk along-side my friends and keep them company so that they didn't get teased, and one time I picked up my overweight friend and just carried her the last bit of the way because she was exhausted and the teacher couldn't really do anything about it because even as a young teenager I towered over him. In theater when there were heavy props to move I just lifted them up and tossed them around when we didn't have grip present. When we were out drinking in college, I was the "safety" who intimidated people so they would not try and take advantage of the drunk girls. I am big, and even if is not very feminine, I like that about me.

I changed my transition goals, I started working out again, not just cardio exercises to lose weight, but weightlifting, squats while holing a barbell, throwing around a medicine ball, and doing laps around my backyard while holding a ~150lb dead tree I ripped out of the ground while doing yardwork on my shoulder. I got healthier, I got happier, and much to my new endocrinologist's chagrin I've been gaining more weight, though now it's muscle. There are still plenty of things that I changed to be feminine, I wear my hair long, I wear girly clothes, often cute shirts with open tops that show off my large arms shoulders and cleavage, and mini-skirts. I put on make-up, lots of bold goth get-ups with heavy eyeliner black lipstick and glittery deep grey eyeshadow. Long painted nails, jewelry, hell sometimes a sparkly rhinestone tiara when I really want to ham it up, cute open toe heels when not wearing my big stompy boots, and of course the biggest one (pun intended) my massive boobs that I got the largest implants legal to be used in the US to make me busty as hell. I don't look like a barbie, and I no longer want to. I'm to the point that people often don't know whether to call me sir or ma'am, but the fact that people say sir or ma'am meekly like they are afraid of getting it wrong is way better gender confirmation than being called "lady."

I am happy now, well, at least happy with my body, there is plenty of shit in the world that still makes me depressed as hell. At least I no longer feel that dysphoria, and it makes those other things a bit more manageable. I think even if I did achieve my original transition goals, I would not be as happy with my body as I am now. You got to find that about yourself too, sometimes you will actually miss things about who you used to be, even if those times were overall worse.

As a silly little comparison, these two pictures of my fursona (which reflect my ideal body type) were made before and after I accepted the things about my body that I didn't want to change.

[elidelochans]

I'm almost done with my acotar reread. I'm on acofas and I have thoughts. Yes, these are most likely unpopular and, most importantly, my opinions.

1. I don't like Rhys or Feyre. I know I've been back and forth on Rhys on liking him and not. I understand why now. I appreciate him from a morally grey standpoint and the healing journey Feyre goes through. Their love story is good not great just good. Beyond on that I couldn't careless.

2. Acotar is her weakest series. I know it's romance based. far more than tog or cc. Perhaps that's the issue. I'm not sure. But her writing, in general, is stronger in tog and cc

3. I've been rereading all sjm books in anticipation of hofas with my friend Rachel(@nighteyed) Throughout our long discussions, I'm taking Azriel out of the doghouse I put him in. No, that doesn't mean I agree with his bonus scene it still rubs me the wrong way and will call out his faults like I do every character. But he's alright.

4. Tamlin is 100% a red flag. But the male is depressed af and the ic should just leave him alone. What happened UTM broke him too. And changed him. Locking up Feyre, going to Hybern, and acting like a dickhead at the highlords meeting were fucked up. Him reacting over Feyre's letter in acomaf was not. When she left she couldn't read or write.

5. Eris made mistakes in the past but deep down I think he's a better male than alot of the fae. And also. Make Azris canon Sarah. Do that and I'll forgive so lorcan did.

6. I haven't liked Mor since I first met her and I still don't

7. Cassian is the superior bat boy. I said what I said.

8. It's so sad seeing how Nesta was improving in acowar. How she began changing, helping. That bite and coldness she started off with was going away and then she watched her father die. Her mate almost die, and killed Hybern. It broke her and you can see the shift in her immediately after the battle.

9. What did Elain and Lucien talk about before he left Velaris?? Speaking of them. What happened between acowar and acofas. I need answers Sarah.

10. Because I feel like I need to round this out lmao. I think the whole line Elain says to Cassian about it wouldn't take much to kill him isn't foreshadowing. He almost died three times in the series. Once in acomaf, twice in acowar. She was merely stating that he throws himself into battles to protect others without a thought to himself, and if he's not careful, it could end him. It's also possible she just saw a vision at the battle of hybern.

[miimo96]

Thoughts on My Adventures with Superman S2 episode 9

So you're probably wondering what heck took so long for me to make this, and well ya see thats because I actually had to wait for this episode to come out on the website where I watch all my TV shows and anime on, and since That was taking so long to be released, I wasn't able to watch this and thus give my review on it, But now that it has officially come out I can finally Get my thoughts out there and Share it with you all, anyway that's mainly because why I've been gone for so long, that because depression kicks in at the most random times in my life and so I wasn't feeling motivated, but aside from that I'm finally ready to get this done and thus give you my review, anyway yeah Sorry for the wait but let's get into it^^;

______________________________________

Starting off I actually wanna talk about a few things regarding this opening, mainly about Clark's kindness; I love the fact that even tho this is a world where didn't never up and thus he never became Superman, he still has that kindness within him, and from the way he talks about wanting to help the creature and show him that it's not Alone, just shows that No matter what reality it is, he will always be compassionate and thus want to help people, hence what makes him Superman in the 1st place; also I didn't expect that in this episode we were actually going to be seeing an Evil version of his parents, because it's always usually just him getting the world he always wanted, I actually like that they took a different approach this time and thus gave us a reality, where he still has his parents, and where he basically got to grow up on krypton as a completely different person, also it's really interesting to see that in this version, the Black Mercy is more or less giving him a dream world where he basically has no control over, and Is kinda just gaslighting him like Brainiac would, I think that's because in this version, the black Mercy isn't a plant like most irritations, but is rather just a piece of technology, and since Brainiac was the computer system for krypton, he is able to access all the technology created from krypton, hence why Clark's mother Laura was talking to him that voice for a second,

Also this Shot right here is really Menacing AF, like Jor El looks seriously scary, oh and it looks like lois lost her memory so I'm wondering how that's going to play out

I fnd it very weird that Kara thinks Brainiac is Unstoppable Just because he's in Clark's body, like may I remind you of the absolute beatdown you gave your cousin a few episodes ago, like I'm really starting to believe that whole thing that people say of people who join the quote unquote "good side" end up effing sucking afterwards, like what is with that stuff, also before you say she was only able to beat him bc she was being controlled by Brainiac and therefore wasn't in control of her actions/ Strength, yeah sry but No, she wasn't being controlled by him at that time and was completely aware of what she was doing, the only time he was controlling her, was when she was hesitating to use her Heat vision to kill people, aside from that she was fully aware and wasn't Holding Back on him AT ALL; Also Mandy is such a bitch, that is all

Omg lois lost her memories I wonder this gonna play out, will she fall in love with Clark again, will clark remember who he is, will they even get along with each other, the possibilites are endle- Oh, well Never effing mind I guess, huh that was fast 😅 Also I really love the fact that Clark instead of becoming a warrior in this reality, became more of a scientist, it's funny because in the original animated series he was kinda like that as well, heck even in the comics I think he was like that, it just shows that Clark no matter what, really was never a fighter to begin with and only really ever does it in the name of Defense, with his real goal being to want to just help people through whatever means necessary, mainly through the power of science, like how in that 1 comic when he found the cure to cancer or something, Also can someone really explain to me how lois was able to prevent herself from being deleted, like I don't think it was ever explained and I'm really starting to believe it was just because of PLOT

Bruh Jimmy looks So heated at the fact that Steve of all people was the reason he and Kara were able to escape, like are you kidding me, THIS GUY!? 🤣🤣 Also shout out to my boy Steve for coming in clutch for our boy Jimmy, like he really is the Homie and I gotta say, the best get away driver like how do you sneak from Amanda waller of all people Undetected, dude's got skills

Hey Lois Idk about you but In my opinion This was the Worst explanation I ever heard, like I understand that time is resetting and so you've probably explained this to him like a hundred of times but Wow, you Really couldn't go any other way about it, like ya do realize this makes you look like a Crazy person right?; Also I legit could Never understnd Why she straight up tell couldn't tell Clark she loves him, like Omg wasn't you 2 already in a relationship at the beginning of this season, why is it So hard for you all of asudden o say I love you, when you LITERALLY established relationship early on, like WTF I'm sick of this trope already

Ok 2 things: 1 Jor El is scary in this sequence, like the way he screamed "Find her" really sent chills down my spine, and 2 why does this shot with him peeking out of the Bushes feel incredibly meme worthy?

Tbh I actually don't have much to say regarding Kara and Jimmy this time, aside from Jimmy being the GOAT due to how beautiful pep talk was, and how much I want them to end up together now, like I've said it before but I absolutely love their relationship in this series, and I really hope they get together by the end of it or at least if she ends up leaving earth like people theorize, in order to atone for her sins across the galaxy, at least get to confess his feelings for her ^w^

"Because the real lois wouldn't come for me" Ngl he deserved this exact response from her, bc wtf do you mean bro, i mean underrated your reasoning but just because you 2 had a fight doesn't mean she Stopped loving you, because you KNOW she wouldn't be here rn if she didn't; Also I find it very funny that her revealing What she did and how dangerous it was, is what brings Clark back, like it just shows how much he cares about her and how overprotective he is for her safety, Also I think i understand why she was able to do all this stuff in the 1st place

THROUGH THE POWER OF LOVE!! 💖💖😭😭😭

Tbh This is probably 1 of the best versions of Task force X I've seen so far, like this Roster goes Hard and so does this entire Shot like Damn, also whoever's Idea it was to Not include Parasite in this Scene Needs to be fired, like I understand why Livewire isn't here But PARASITE!? I mean the guy is seriously OP when given enough energy, as proven by his Kaiju form last season, and I could've sworn Amanda does has control over him now thanks to Lex, so WHY THE F$%k HE ISN'T HERE!? I bet he would've came in Real handy tho 😂

Ok 2 thing's again: 1 YEAH LET'S GO KARA! Eff you Brainiac you Piece of S#%t i hope you effing Die, and 2, Eyy i looks like I was on to something about Them being infused with Kryptonite; Also i see were Still stuck with these robot designs I guess, *sigh* look I've said it before and I'll say it again, These designs absolutely Suck, like No offense to the Animators But you're Really telling me we couldn't have gotten Anything better, I understand animation is Hard So you Need simple designs but c'mon, you couldn't at least go with the skeletal design he has in some iterations or even make Them look more like a Megazord than whatever the Hell this is? man I really hope this gets fixed in season 3 or something because I Just can't with this anymore; Also is it me or does this whole setup kinda feel sorta familiar, because I feel like I've seen this before, hmmmmm 🤔 eh whatever

God I love this Scene, from the scenery,to the lighting, to even their effing confession everything is Just AAAAAHHH So effing GOOD, Damn it Love this Series!! Especially the music in this scene like Omg it's such bop to listen to, and the fact that it's even the extended version of the God Damn intro is freakin Amazing ^^ Like this belongs in Top 5 motivational scene alongside You say run from the ending of the 1st MHA movie, like it's just That Good

OOOHH I'M LOVING THIS NEW SUIT Omg like this has everything I've ever wanted in a Superman suit, it has the perfect amount of gold to contrast the Red and blue, it reminds of Man of Steel and New 52 with Lack of shorts even tho I personally prefer the shorts, and it just Screams Superman, the only thing I would change about this would be those big ass Shoulder pads and i think maybe those finger straps, but aside from that, PERFECTION 😘

Small little animation error regarding Kara's eyebrows But not even that can Ruin this moment ^^

Finally It looks like people may be on to something about Amanda Waller possibly Framing Lex, setting him up to be the fall guy and making him look like he was The 1 responsible for everything, possibly losing his fame and setting him up as the Villain Next season, after all he is the 1 who built the Metalos So if anything went wrong, it is technically his fault, anyway however this plays out, I'm sure it will all end horribly for Lex in the end, overall amazing episode can't wait for the next one, hopefully it doesn't take too long to be released like this one, fingers crossed ^^

[stychu-stych]

Hi, sorry if this is weird but I'm saw in your bio that your a tattoo artist but I found your account theough some cult of the lamb art (it looks cool af) and I've been planning to do illustration and animation at unj but I've also been considering a tattoo artist apprenticeship after i finish that msybe? could you possibly tell me what irs like as an apprentice and if you think I could do my courses at uni and then do an apprenticeship after? I've really been struggling considering my choices and if you had any advice or information about being a tattoo artist weather its on an apprenticeship or actually as a career I would really appreciate it if you had any information for me! I'm so sorry if this is weird and of course you dont have to tell me anything if you don't want to or am uncomfortable too but I'm really curious and with no other sources 😭 (also finding your account may just be like my idol and inspiration while I struggle through school and what I do in the future 😭❤️)

That took me a while to answer because I never feel experienced enough to advise people 😭 Or maybe I should say - I don't feel in a position to advise because, as I once said, I'm mostly a self-taught working at home studio (now almost in my own art workshop with my fiancée) and I don't have much experience working in typical tattoo studio and with other tattoo artists. But I'll try my best ✨

There're many differences between apprenticeship in different countries (and tattooing in general) for example - Poland has one of the lowest price list in Europe but still a lot of people can't afford tattoos. Or that in UK being a tattoo apprentice is a long process. I know for sure that a lot of tattoo artists I know struggle with number of clients compared to previous years. And it won't change for a long time for sure because of inflation. So if you want to start tattooing you need to know that you won't earn much money for a year at least (as I said- it might looks different in another countries)

Also as a tattoo artist (even as a apprentice) you still need to take care of your social media which sometimes can be exhausting and depressing. And I'm telling all of this because I know that you probably won't find this kind of information on other tattoo artists' profiles (unfortunately strategy "look how my life is perfect" works for social media and for getting clients)

But on the brighter side - being a tattoo apprentice isn't something you have to dedicate your whole life to it. Lot of people I know have a second job to be financially stable. I myself don't live only from tattooing - I also help my fiancée with our online store (with our fanmerch and original artworks) and go on conventions with our booth. So you always can do multiple things at once and if you'll decide that tattooing isn't for you - nothing is lost!

The best way to know more about tattoo apprenticeship in your area is to check some groups - for example on facebook- dedicated to learning tattooing

I know that this post is sooo long but believe me, I barely touched the topic. I could write an entire essay about that topic djdbdjdh

Have some wolf lady because I like adding pics to posts sjdbsjsb

[heartshattering]

I still haven't found a solution for being fatigued all the time. Caffeine doesn't help, doctors don't help, literally nothing helps and I'm at the end of my fucking rope. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I can't take prescription stimulants because I'd be putting my heart at risk but sometimes it really is tempting to see if I could go to a new doctor and not tell them about my history of arrhythmia and see if they'd prescribe me something (but I won't since 1 - I'm too scared and 2 - it's not like doctors here ever want to prescribe anything either way, IF you're even lucky enough to see a doctor since the waiting lists are long af).

I feel like I've been spending all day sleeping, and when I am awake, I'm absolutely useless. I have constant headaches, I feel physically uncomfortable all the time (too hot, too sweaty, too itchy), and nothing makes me feel 'good' anymore. My only relief is sleep, and even then it doesn't do much for me since I still wake up tired, sometimes even more tired than before thanks to my nightmares.

Idk, it's just disheartening to have to deal with this because this is seriously interfering with my life. And I feel like I can't do anything about it. I'll always be the person in the house who needs the least amount of help. My mom can't get out of bed so of course she needs the most assistance. My aunt is depressed because her husband died so she gets all the sympathy from people. And then my dad is working all the time so of course he has a ~real~ reason to be tired while I don't (even though he literally only 'works' so that he doesn't have to be around us, and spends most of the time doing stupid shit in his office like arguing in the comments).

Every day the list of stuff to do piles up, to the point where it's barely even fun anymore. Things I used to enjoy feel like chores now. I can't catch up with that series I love, because I always end up falling asleep while trying to concentrate on it. I can't try out that new game my friends are all talking about, because my brain feels too drained to figure out how to play it and I'm embarrassed that I'd just slow them down. I can't self-study topics that normally I'd enjoy, because my brain just isn't absorbing anything and it makes me feel so fucking overwhelmed.

Then, there's the ACTUAL chores... I can't clean my room, I can't keep things organized, I feel too exhausted to cook. My hygiene has gone down the drain, like I currently feel disgusting right now but I can't do anything about it. I haven't done laundry in the longest time, all my used clothes are piled up and they smell like (and possibly actually have) mold.

I take care of my mom and my dog, but that's it... when it comes to taking care of myself, I just can't. And everything feels like too fucking much.

[afterhours-system]

omg transbipolar tips please? (if that's ok ofc!) if u do ty sooooo much (and no worries if not! ty anyway 4 being on tumblr :3)

hiii hello :33 heres some transbipolar tips from a cisBP II guything :D

general tips!!

track 👏 your👏 mood 👏!! i'd suggest one mood tracker for the moods/emotions you're actually experiencing (to track progress for example) (i use Daylio, it's great!) & one for the moods/episodes you want to experience! for BP specific moods (mainly depression/mania) i use Bipolar UK!

exaggerate your regular daily moods! if you've been in a good mood all day but suddenly feel a bit down play it up! i've gone from cruising in a very high mood (perhaps even bordering on hypomanic) to absolutely crashing for days because of one bad mood swing :P

hypomania & mania tips!!! (note: ive yet to experience a 100% manic episode, so i dont have as much personal experience there!)

hypomania: hypomania is characterized, for me, by very very high energy, high productivity (but never finishing anything), lots of inspiration & creative drive and feeling wayyy more social than usual!

also, completely losing track of my finances, needing less sleep (like. 2-3hrs & i feel well rested where i usually need 8-9,,), less need for food, almost no actual feelings of hunger (once in a month long ep i only ate One Piece Of Bread per day with the occasional (once a week max) pizza & was "fine") & being more open to drinking (and/or considering trying to get my hands on 'harder' stuff like psychedelics) where i usually straight up dont like alcohol!

i'd recommend going off of what's alr there for you; so if you notice you've been in a pretty good mood recently, say that's a hypomanic episode now! go out a lot (clubbing if you want to/can!), make efforts to meet new ppl & make friends, be very motivated & high energy and do everything (and i mean everything!) in excess (talk fast af & never stop talking, be restless and pace around, constanty occupy yourself w/ smth bcs otherwise you'll be understimulated af)

for mania: crank up everything about hypomania by about 300%. it's like there's a million bees inside your bones, you feel restless cant be still do a thousand things in a day, lose all sense of responsibility & become extremely reckless, either due to your extremely elevated mood or because of delusions or other psychotic symptoms.

oh yeah, psychosis! in a mixed ep i spent a day convinced i had somehow accidentally ingested alcohol (i hadnt)! intrusive thoughts, extreme anxiety around it, physical, olfactory & taste-based hallucinations around it, the whole package.

other BP based psychosis ive experienced: visual hallucinations (insects & spiders for me), jumbled & rapid thoughts (it felt different to adhd fast thoughts it was so weird lol)

see this article (link) for other psychotic symptoms during manic (or depressive!) episodes in pwBP!

i'd probably recommend "picking a theme" for delusions & halluciantions & the like, to make it easier to focus on them? tho i havent experienced psychosis enough to know if i have a 'theme' :P

depressive episodes!!

my least favorite (also, i feel like more things are known abt depression) (ALSO- i have seasonal affective disorder too which influences my BP episodes)

depressive episodes mean extreme lethargy for me. im tired 24/7 no matter how much sleep i get (& i'll be getting way more than usual. 10-12 hrs on average with the occasional 13 hrs 🥶).

very little movement. physical, mental, emotional, metaphyical. i often get stuck in bed, if not physically then mentally. spending my day anywhere but in my bed will feel weird & wrong. i will feel pretty numb/wont have access to my emotions anymore & often compltely stop thinking abt & processing my day-to-day life

^ this usually results in strong amnesia around depressive episodes but that might be a plural thing so. take it w a grain of salt lol

depressive episodes also make me self isolate as fuck. im talking forgoing my physical needs if theres a Chance i'll run into my roommate.

oh, yeah, also i just stop taking care of my basic physical as well as i do when balanced. i need to be starving to be able to get up & eat smth, & god forbid i want to actually cook smth rather than eating frozen pizza or eating out/ordering in

i also usually stop doing anything more creative than daydreaming (hashtag immersive daydreaming gang/silly) but even those are less immersive and less frequent. i'll be artblocked 24/7, have no inspiration or motivation and probably wont even miss drawing :P

& thats it! i hope you can find smth usefull in my rambling :3c /gen

and good luck & have fun with your transition!! you have my full support :D /gen

[joesalw]

Hi there! I've been following your blog for a while now and love all the takes here! I do have a mini vent and experience to share if that's okay!

So context I've always been a casual TS listener ever since OG Speak Now dropped (we don't talk abt how she butchered my fave album of hers in this household 😂) then fell off her around 1989 cos I wasn't into the whole pop era of hers then came back with Folkmore

So during the pandemic I became That Taylor Swift friend 😭 and obviously fucked off after Matty but I have Swifties besties

Now I'm going through a similar breakup to her and Ratty and now all those besties keep sending me I Can Do It With A Broken Heart 🤢 and after a whole year of not listening to her I bit the bullet cos I'm nosy.

I regret listening to that and But Daddy I Love Him so so much because. The former is just tone deaf af - the birthday line is funny to me cos I am actually diagnosed with depression and my ex ghosted me on my birthday 😂😭 Coming from TS tho,, SO tone deaf and the last lines were so gross that I just didn't finish the song

Then with Daddy I Love Him, Dessner's production on that song - minus the background beat that sounds like Jack's stupid synth beats - is completely wasted on that cringey title and the overwritten lyrics

Sorry if this got long and thank you for listening!! - 💔 Anon (or you can call me S!)

S!

[necroticghost]

YO HOLY FUCKING SHIT I FINALLY GOT AN APOLOGY FROM MY FAMILY

(this is long af but it's a huge thing for me)

so, I kept having arguments with them (especially my mother) over my situation, with being called a disappointment and a failure, I was feeling so misunderstood and invalidated. and I FINALLY sent my mother a looong message explaining everything, it took me an hour to write it.

AND

MY MOTHER APOLOGISED

SHE APOLOGISED IN DEPTH for everything she did to me, she asked me for forgiveness so many times and admitted her mistakes and cried a lot and... I don't even know how to feel. I never expected that kind of response.

I only sent the message to her but it was directed at other family members too, knowing that she'll show them anyway, and I also mentioned that if my father was alive I would've wanted him to know as well.

I went on and on explaining my suicidal tendencies (maybe in too much detail because I apparently scared her a lot...) every symptom of my depression and what trauma turned me into, all the traumatic experiences I've had that ruined my life, and I asked her why did I never get any help and why did no one ever stand up for me, why didn't anyone care, how could no one do anything if they were all aware of what was going on. I ended the message with me simply asking to at least not be judged anymore because of the fact that I can't work or study and explained that I've become incapable of those things.

I never expected anyone to take accountability after reading my message. even my grandma messaged me to apologise and ask me to forgive her. the very last sentence I wrote just said that they have two choices, either understand what I'm going through and stop making me feel like shit , or we go our separate ways.

and after everything, I feel relieved, empty, happy, shitty. and shocked, the strongest feeling of all. and afraid. my mom almost got into an accident last night because she was deep in her head and I heard she called my brother crying and terrified. it hurt so much knowing that it was my fault. but I felt like that way for years and years... I don't know how long it will take me to forgive them (and if I even can), but right now I don't even know how to feel, let alone think about forgiveness. I guess I need to see a change in them before I can make an opinion. guess I gotta keep myself alive to see how things will develop.

I never would've dreamed that this could happen, I've been holding these things inside of me for many many years. and they're finally out there. my girlfriend said she would be willing to pay for my therapy so that's something I could look forward to... although I feel like I'm broken beyond repair.

[invisiblegarters]

Be Mine Superstar Ep 8

(Fair Warning the first four paragraphs of this are actually about Only Friends. It's what I do now, apparently. Feel free to skip to past the gif if you don't care)

Much later than usual, but the truth is aside from having responsibilities that unfortunately kept me away from dramas a lot so far this week, the Only Friends brainrot is real. Pretty much the entire time I'm *not* doing things that I need to do I'm thinking about Boston and his motivations and how he could easily be just a two dimensional fuckboy villain but there's too much going on with his face for me to buy it (Neo Trai is a gem guys, it's true. I've known it but now I really know it, you know?) and pondering how heavily Ray's issues with alcohol are going to factor in (my guess is very), how bad it's gonna get (also very), how many relationships he's going to destroy (all, probably), and who he's gonna hurt (physically as well as emotionally - look, drunk driving is a whole theme, we've had two (2) episodes and Sand and Ray and dangerous driving have been mentioned no less than three (3) times - call it Chekov's Gun, call it the Sword of Damocles (I've done both because I'm dramatic af) or be normal and simply call it foreshadowing, I just can't believe they've mentioned it this many times not to have it rear it's head in a really nasty way).

And that's not even counting the stuff that just amuses me, like counting how many times Mew looks sus in one episode (a lot), or building my SandTop exes agenda (also a MewSand agenda and a NickSand agenda...look I just think Sand should get around, okay?) and cackling over the idea that we're going to get everything in the trailer so far by episode 5.

Do you see? the brainrot is so real that I just spent paragraphs talking about OF and not the show I'm ostensibly here for. It's been a long time since a drama took over my brain to this extent. I'd say send help but I'm actually having way too much fun.

So I do apologize for the person I've become. For anyone that's not here for me to go on about OF at literally any opportunity, I really am sorry. I don't think any post will be free of it until October.

That said, let's actually talk about this show now, eh?

Sigh. So we're gonna do another outing plot here hey. That's wonderful I so love these (I really, really don't). But I guess there has to be some sort of drama happening since everything's been fairly adorable so far. Yippee?

Can I just say that the Muang/Doctor plot feels weirdly rushed and disjointed? I was so looking forward to them after the first ep and now I barely care, and that is sad.

Punn and Ashi are really cute though.

Are we also still doing the Title crushing on Ashi thing? I felt like that was there and then it got dropped, but now they're picking it up again. He's not gonna be happy with those pics. Oh but hey if it leads to him begging his asshole manager not to be an asshole then sure.

"It's not that hard to win Ashi's heart." Especially when you'll be in Japan with him and Punn won't. Just saying. Although I just incredibly doubt it'll work - this really does not strike me as that type of BL. But hey, a little angst never hurt anyone, right?

Just once I would like one of these places to look lived in. They did a little better with Punn's house but man, it depresses me how spotless everything is all the time. It's like when they order food and don't eat it. Or sleep with the lights on.

/tangent

I love that the Daddy Muang thing hasn't been dropped even though now Punn has Ashi as he wants and there's really no need for it.

The brothers remain very good. I like this sibling relationship. Feels real in a lot of ways.

Oooh I like that shot with all of them in the car park.

I find I have to keep reminding myself that Punn is only 20. But frankly, I am cringing hard at this jealousy plot. I just wanna grab him and tell him he's being too transparent, aaaah. Me, I have a pride issue. I would never. I could never.

Punn is the cutest though - I do like how he just lets every feeling show on his face, even if I could never.

"No one is taking Ashi away from you." Maybe not, but they're certainly trying lol.

Although...maybe trust in your boyfriend just a little more. It's not like you're in a show where he has one foot out the door anyway.

I wonder now if Muang has figured out Title is definitely making moves, lol. He's not stupid, even if Ashi is, a little (genuinely, I think he's just focused on his job. This is his big international break, right? Of course he just wants to do the thing right. And he has no reason to suspect that Title's trying to split him up from the boyfriend no one is even supposed to know about).

Anyway this kind of angst is my jam so I'm not even a little mad. Poor sad Punn with his poor sad Punn face, though. It just doesn't feel right to watch him be unhappy.

I love those dogs.

Hahahaha okay Punn manipulating Muang and co into helping him separate Title and Ashi is funny. I have to admit that. Yes, childish, but again, twenty. And not exactly a hugely mature twenty, either. :D

Damn, Muang. That was kinda harsh. I love it. Be meaner!! Make someone cry!

Sorry. Feeling a little vicious today, apparently.

Well at least Punn acknowledges he was being kind of immature. Yes, yes, Title is being a deliberate butt, but Punn doesn't really know that he just sort of suspects, and he was already being a little ridiculous before that.

Twenty. He's twenty. Remember he's twenty.

Ooh I did like that hop and carry though. Very nice.

And now off to Japan we go! Well. Half of us. The other half is still hanging out in Thailand.

Pfft and now there's yet another man after Ashi's pretty self. He's a hot commodity.

Beep boop time for the blackmail. Although to be fair this is going in a direction that I didn't quite expect. So props for that, I guess.

Oh hey, everyone's in Japan next week. Nice.

[impandgnomes]

Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan (pls) (for the ask thing i mean asdfghjkl;)

lmao ty - lemme do this a sec

1: sexuality headcanon

The boy is bi. Don't ask me how I feel it with such certainty, but I feel it. Also not sexuality, but potentially enby and I feel that in my soul.

2: otp

If I were to put him romantically with someone, I guess Kyle? Those two have a bond that is too adorable however you cut it. I've always had a soft spot for close male friendships in stories goofy or serious, it seems (Egg moment? Egg moment...you don't exactly get that in life when you look like a girl lmao)

3: brotp

Besides Kyle, I'm hoping we'll see more of him and Tolkien hanging out fr. Honestly, I think it would be too niche for an episode but like imagine those two getting Kyle into Warhammer. It would be funny.

4: notp

Sorry, but Wendy can do better. Like maybe they could be friends, and I'm never gonna object to art of the two of them but she really shouldn't stay with him lmao. She's 10 but like...surely even she knows the truth here lmao

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

You know what? He's going to be the second character ever that I claim eats peanut butter with a spoon directly from the jar. That headcanon is so specific and pointless that it's funny. The other one with that honor is one I used to RP from another show back when that was airing (and if you ask certain family members is literally me - someone I know might be reading knows who, but I'll leave the rest of you to guess). In Stan's case, I like to think that Shelley is very vocal about how much it pisses her off and wonders why he can't just make a sandwich lmao.

My other bitter headcanon is the feeling that Matt and Trey are going to keep his family on Tegridy for as long as possible because it's funny to them (both in terms of writing and fan reaction), but honestly kinda breaks my heart that he lives so far from the other three little guys right now.

6: favorite line from this character

Another time where I legitimately cannot think of a single line (but instead many), so I'm just going to embed this because honestly everyone kind of slayed in this scene and I guess technically it's an answer:

7: one way in which I relate to this character

I was about to say I'd probably have an easier time listing ways I could relate him to other people in my life - there's a couple of people I could think a lot more than myself for - but then realized there are multiple non-bad-but-just-embarrassing things I would decline to state here lmao. The joys of having a character be one of the "normal" ones, I suppose.

That being said, we're both depressed af and 10 years old was a time and a half for me mentally; so I guess that. Finishing YGO/Assburgers both made me like him as a character more and had me staring into silence for like five minutes contemplating my life on an existential level for many reasons lmao

Also growing up, I was known for liking animals and didn't want any to suffer without cause. In my case, I got super obsessed with the RSPCA and I would get called brave by girls at school at the tender age of 8 for touching worms to rescue them from drowning in pavement puddles. idk why this was considered brave, as I was in no way scared to touch worms. Lately it's been making me think that I'd like to get a pet snail again, or at least go outside a bit more again since I've always regretted feeling like I couldn't after I lost a lot of hope in my life.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

I often say he sometimes needs a hug, but sometimes needs someone to absolutely slap him because he can pull some serious dick moves that make me die a little inside. I feel like if someone were to compare me to him, some of the times where I think he deserved someone slapping him would be the reason somehow and I would be offended but understand lmao

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

He's a little problematic, like all of us lmao

[cuntwrap--supreme]

So I've been working on getting beefy af lately

Still gots a long ways to go, but I can officially not fit into women's sizes S or M anymore because of my arms, and I'm pushing it with a men's S. Gonna have to start buying new shirts at this rate.

Started working on things in mid-summer. Since then, I've managed to replace the fat in my arms almost entirely with muscle, plus some. Legs are a slower process because they've always been mostly muscle. I'm more focused on my arms anyway because they help me appear more masculine.

It's been about 5 months and I've seen some serious gains, though. I'm almost maxing out some machines. Don't know what's changed between now and the last time I tried beefing up, but it's so much easier now? I feel like aging makes muscle growth harder though? Maybe it's because I'm super depressed and this is my outlet. It's hard to think about killing yourself when you're too sore/tired to do it. It's definitely the healthiest coping mechanism I've ever engaged in. Definitely beats trying to eat myself into the grave or driving like a cycle path.

[forgottenluck]

❀ What has made you completely lose your chill?

Salty AF Meme Time!

Oh boy, a lot has done this over the many years I've been rping...but i'll pick one from my super younger years. This one has religious talk, so please note that.

I used to rp a LOT on deviantart, in the chatrooms. I was in a group rp that ended up being one of the largest of it's fandoms rp chatrooms. It was a fun time, and I really liked the people in the group.

At least...mostly.

(putting under a readmore cuz it got long)

One of the bigger names in the chat was a mun by the name of Faith (I have no idea if this was their/her real name but I have no quarrels saying what I remember due to this being a completely different platform.) She played an OC, absolutely refused to play a canon character....and she was the epitome of a Mary Sue. Honestly this didn't bother me. We were all young at that time.

What did bother me was her blatant disrespect for rules, other people's comfort, other people's boundaries, and the fact she had it out for me from the moment i stepped into the room.

I have a very outgoing personality, and tend to make friends decently well. At least, this is what I've been told. As such, when i came into the room, many people really liked me. They started paying attention to someone that wasn't her.

A few things to note; the fandom we were in was only mildly supernatural-ish (i won't state which one it is at this time), but the characters were all relatively normal. No magic powers, no special things that were too outlandish, etc. OCs were allowed as long as they made sense in the lore of the universe. The rules of the chatroom stated that if you were going to ship it had to be singleship due to the storyline of the room.

Faith's OC broke....all of these rules. Her OC had massive supernatural powers, was supposedly a pinnacle of the universe, was all powerful, and was in active relationships with every member of the opposite sex. Mary Sue to the extreme.

It got worse as attention started to wane on her character, moving to the new people in the chat. She started to berate me in ooc, had her character become severely depressed if any of the others even thought of interacting with mine, and even started spreading lies about me, telling the mods that I was doing things to her in PMs and such.

Me and her were called into the private chat channels multiple times to "talk things out" which usually just ended up in a 'she-said she-said' type deal. I took it all. I was wild when i was younger, didn't really care nearly as much as I do now. It was more frustrating than anything, because I wanted to write instead of argue and fight over interactions. Still, she managed to turn almost the whole chatroom against me.

Eventually, I broke off from the group, and left a long scathing PM to Faith, explaining my feelings and how I felt it was unfair how she was acting to me. I heard nothing for....well....years. I moved on, figured it wasn't worth the energy....

Then I logged in to Deviantart to a PM from her one day. It was a lengthy reply to my original PM, where she addressed every point I had brought up.....and ultimately tried to pin it all on me. That it was all my fault that she had felt like she was invisible and not getting attention that she deserved.

But that wasn't what made me loose my cool.

What made me loose my cool was how she ended the PM. Obviously, I'm glossing over a LOT of what happened to keep this as short as possible, but what she had done to me was massive harassment, blackmailing, bullying, etc. And I do have testimony to back this up, I still have friends from that old chatroom.

But the way she chose to end the PM was roughly as follows:

"I know you need to find God, and You need him and his love, and you should accept it. I've accepted it and you should too so that you can forgive all of what has happened and be saved."

Now, I'm not going to tell people what they should believe. But do not tell me what I should believe in. And don't tell me what to believe after telling me that everything that bad happened to someone was my fault for just existing. I was absolutely pissed, livid.

I sent back the most scathing, angry PM I've ever sent to this day. I picked her reply apart line by line, bit by bit, and pointed out every single issue and hypocrisy that came up. Followed it up with evidence that I'd been keeping for years. (i have issues deleting things so i have so much stuff from years and years past). Told her that she could believe whatever she wanted, but I never going to be a part of that, and that I would never forgive her for what she put me through during my time in that chatroom. She would never be forgiven. She would be remembered for every wrong reason, remembered as a person who was willing to put everyone else down for simple validation and attention, and that this was just proving that point home because she was seeking even more attention.

That there were very few people in the world that I choose to hate, and she was one of them.

Am I proud of what I said that day? No. But it doesn't change my feelings. I still hate her, to this day.

Again, I'm not going into details, but those years I spent on deviantart, especially in those fandoms....I was at one of my lowest points, and she had hammered home constantly that I was unliked, unwanted, and a burden. I was very harsh in my last PM to her. I had completely lost my cool....but I don't really regret what I said. I feel like it was things she needed to hear, especially if she meant her last point of "finding God."

so yeah. That's a time I lost my cool. fun story, yeah?