#because i've been depressed af for so long now

[alittlebitofloveliness]

How would you think the whole dynamic within the gang would be if ponyboy instead of dally dying

Ok I've been sitting on this one for a few days because I'm drowning in exam season and I wanted to answer it properly.

So, I'm gonna disclaimer this and say that my previous posts hold true. In canon verse if Pony had died, Johnny would have died too and Dally can't survive without Johnny, but this is a fun thought experiment so lets dive in!

Ok so there's a few scenarios I could see that result in Pony dying but not Dally, but I'm just gonna write the one I think is most likely because this is gonna be LONG. This version is the one where Pony is the one whose back gets broken in the church fire and he succumbs to his injuries, the way Johnny does in canon. In this universe there is no bittersweet Curtis brother reunion in the hospital. Instead, you have Johnny alone in the waiting room, pale faced and shaking, who only left Ponyboy's side when the doctors threatened to kick him out of the hospital (i've said it before and I'll say it again- Johnny is PROTECTIVE AF over Pony). In this universe you have Darry and Soda stumbling into the hospital looking shellshocked, and Soda is sobbing already, and Darry looks so lost and so scared and so guilty. In this universe you have a Darry and a Soda who don't leave the hospital, refuse to leave Pony's side, a Darry that begs Ponyboy for forgiveness when Pony is conscious and who is granted it even though it never feels like enough, a Darry that tells Pony over and over that he loves him, and who watches the doctors with young, terrified, hopeless eyes, that are grieving what he already knows and refuses to accept. You have a Soda who promises Ponyboy over and over that he'll be okay, that refuses to speak to the doctors or even Ponyboy when it becomes clear that Pony won't survive this, who leaves in a fit of tears when he can no longer ignore it and returns just in time for Ponyboy to croak out a final I love you as he takes his last breath. After that its chaos. The rumble still happens, but since the Curtis' didn't leave the hospital until now it happens after Pony dies. Soda is too inconsolable to fight, and Darry refuses to, grieving and cold and unable to, unable to do anything anymore, unable to even hope. Johnny doesn't fight either, and Dally calls him a pussy for it, tells him to do it for Pony and Johnny refuses, knowing it's not something Pony would have wanted. They get into a fight none of the rest of the gang ever expected to see, and Dally goes to the rumble along with Steve and Two-bit, he goes to the rumble but he doesn't fight fair, he pulls a blade and gets arrested, because he couldn't handle Pony's death any better than he could handle Johnny's he just handles it differently. Since he's already up on murder charges he takes the fall for killing Bob, protecting Johnny one last time in a final effort to preserve Pony's legacy or maybe just try and keep Johnny gold, despite their argument. Dallas Winston's story ends there, as effectively as it did in canon, and he spends the next twenty years behind bars. The fallout from Pony's death throws Johnny Cade into an even deeper depression, and (because he can't die in this au) after Pony's funeral, in which he delivers a eulogy that is a modified version of his letter in canon, he runs away from Tulsa, for good this time, leaving behind the only family he ever had, splintered, cracked and then broken beyond repair. He never comes back and no one ever hears from him again.

Darry and Sodapop return home, wracked with grief, and grief. Soda blames Darry for Pony's death, and Darry can't even argue. He blames himself too. They plan the funeral, bury Pony beside their parents just a few days after he took his last breath. At the funeral they're approached by a social worker. The death of a kid under his care has Darry Curtis under investigation for child abuse and gross child neglect. Whether he's convicted or not doesn't matter- in any case Sodapop Curtis is removed from his care effective immediately, as Darry is declared an unfit guardian. It doesn't matter that Soda wants to stay, he doesn't have a choice. Sodapop Curtis spends just over a year in foster care, not allowed to have any contact with his brother, apart from what he hears from Steve and Two-bit at school- which isn't much. He tries not to think about Johnny Cade who left without saying goodbye, or the little brother that did and never should have had to, and eventually takes a leaf out of Two-bit's book and starts drinking until the thoughts become hazy and the world gets quiet. He's had enough of noise to last a lifetime. Steve Randle stays by his side and tries everything he knows to bring back the version of Sodapop Curtis that Ponyboy knew, the one he loved. It takes about six months before he accepts that version of Sodapop is dead too, had died with Pony, and this husk of a man is the only real Soda that is left.

Two-bit Mathews left the hospital the night Ponyboy died with a bottle in his hand and hatred in his heart. He fought alongside Dally in the rumble, beat some kid soc barely bigger than Ponyboy until his knuckles were bruised and the socs face was more blood than skin. He watched Dally Winston give up, watched the fight in him burn bright until the cuffs were around his wrists and it was gone. Two-bit raised a can to the end of the hoodlum, toasted to the end of another east side kid who never had a chance, and hadn't stopped drinking since, stuck celebrating the bruised up tragedy they'd all never escape day after day. Some days, when he thinks maybe he could try it again, the thing called living that felt a lot like dying, he checks in on Darry Curtis and remembers there isn't any sort of point to that kind of trying.

Darry Curtis is a broken man. He's found not guilty on all charges, and Soda's eighteenth comes not two weeks later. The remaining two Curtis brothers reunite, the youngest one not the one who's supposed to be. They get up. They go to work. Darry Curtis works hard and watches the world around him and sees nothing. His eyes are shadows, his hands are regret, and his being is grief. Most folks don't talk to Darry much these days. Darry doesn't talk much either. He thinks sometimes, about his friends, about where Johnny might be, how Dallas might be doing, but usually he thinks of Ponyboy, of the brother he killed through his pride and his fear and his own stupid anger, and he wishes he couldn't think anything at all.

Darry comes home to too much dinner made in too normal colours and a brother whose eyes are far too foggy. Soda is home, and things should be better but they aren't, they never are, never will be again. There are liquor bottles in the cupboard that never used to be there, and a space in the bedroom down the hall that never should have been empty, and the house isn't full of anything anymore except grief.

Ponyboy Curtis died and everyone else survived. But none of them lived.

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

I am so happy you're back and seem to be doing even a little bit better! We missed you!

I wanted to send a little message, so you can ignore it if it sours your mood or you don't feel like dealing with it, feel no pressure at all! It's just this blog has been a safe space and the community has been so welcoming that I figured I could vent really quick

You know when sometimes the brain just has a really shitty day, like when you draw something and it screams at you that it's trash even though there's nothing wrong with it? I've been having a rough time with it deciding to scream that comfort characters would cheat, probably as an 'You are so unlovable not even fictional characters would be loyal' bullshit. Now, logically, I know this makes -67 sense. But, I was wondering if you could just reassure that like, Sanji, Mihawk, Buggy, Shanks, Crocodile, Blablablablabla long list of One Piece characters you write for, would not cheat? I'm sorry, this sounds lame to even write out but I'm trying to get my brain to stop thinking that asking for help is 'pathetic' because it is not and it only applies that logic to me, never to anyone else.

I dunno man. Brains and bring human ate both though af.

I missed all of you as well. Really and sincerely. I have a tendency to go radio silent when I'm going through a difficult time and I hate it immensely, but hearing that I was missed to makes me all

And yes, oh gods, I know. My brain is frequently my worst enemy. Especially when I'm not writing. My anxiety starts working overtime and my creative drive becomes dedicated to coming up with problems that could potentially happen for me to worry about even more and it's an absolute bitch; or even when I am actively creating and a little voice insists that everything I make is stupid garbage.

This is still very much and always will be a safe space. It definitely is awful to feel that unworthy of love. Full disclosure, I've mentioned in passing before that I've been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder depressive type. My main issue is auditory hallucinations that like to insist that everyone I love and care about only tolerate me out of pity and secretly would rather I not be around, which leads to me isolating myself from people. Huge part of the reason I go silent when life decides to be a bitch. I know it's just as bad feeling that way about comfort characters, if not even worse, when we're supposed to have them to help us get through that kind of bullshit.

So let me provide a little drabble for the one comfort character I’m certain wouldn’t ever allow us to continue being so silly about our worthiness of love and affection, because we’re all worthy of such a basic human need. I may do more later, but one in particular jumped at the opportunity to provide this comfort, and I fear he may counter me with his dreaded puppy-dog-eyes should I even dare attempt to wait.

Good Enough

OPLA!Sanji x AFAB!Reader

Lil drabble thingy

SFW, Hurt/Comfort

Possible TRIGGER WARNINGS for depression, insecurity, self-worth

♫♬ Moonshine ♬♫ — The Fratellis (yes I’m STILL on my Fratellis BS leave me be)

"Never knowing is the most evil feeling, when every answer here is none too appealing"

Sanji had always been a flirt. You knew that from the moment you started working on the wait staff at Baratie. Your trust issues had made it a little difficult for you to open up around the young sous chef (and occasional waiter on the frequent occasion that Zeff kicked him out of the kitchen for insubordination), but it was his outgoing nature and perseverance that had ultimately won you over. He had a way of making you feel like you were the only girl in the world when you were together, doting upon you, all but worshipping the ground you walked on.

But when he was sent out to work the dining area, it always made you nervous. His innate charm, his handsome features—he was nearly always a hit with female customers. No matter how much you told yourself that he was only doing his job, there was always a nagging feeling that maybe there was more to it than that. Watching him interact with a table of pretty young women, who by their clothing and demeanor were obviously far more affluent and sophisticated than you, left you distracted in your own work.

Seeing how they giggled at everything he said, how they fluttered their eyelashes when he brought them their drinks.

How the pretty blonde at the table leaned so close to him while he pointed to something on the menu, close enough to brush her hand across his.

You managed to spill a tray of drinks all over yourself while you were watching, leading to a scolding from the front of house manager. You saw the table of girls from the corner of your eye, giggling at your clumsiness before you were sent off to clean yourself up and change your uniform.

No matter how much you told yourself you were being silly, there was nothing you could do to shake it. The doubts, the thoughts of how easily he could find someone better than you. You had your jaw clenched the entire time you were changing your shirt in the staff restroom, tossing the soiled one aside as you leaned against the sink in front of the mirror and forced yourself to take slow, level breaths.

You were still on the clock. You couldn’t break down. You had to get changed, had to get back to work, had to pretend everything was fine, if he found out you were being so stupid about this then he would definitely drop you like a bad habit, you had to compose yourself or—

Knock knock.

Your eyes darted to the bathroom door, your breath catching in your throat at the sound of the light knock.

“J—just a minute,” you forced out, flinching at the sound of your own voice breaking a little.

Stupid, you’re being stupid, stop it stop it stop it—

A brief silence followed your answer, a silence that seemed to stretch on for miles despite lasting only a few seconds. The familiar, gentle voice that answered after a moment made your hands clench around the porcelain of the sink.

“You alright, love?” You drew in a sharp breath, swallowing, clenching your eyes shut. Of course it was Sanji. You had almost hoped that the manager had come scold you for taking too long. That would have been easier to deal with right now. Your eyes darted to the locked doorknob as it rattled a little. “I heard—”

“I’m fine,” you said immediately, the strained quality of your own words as they met your ears making your hands tighten a little more on the edge of the sink. “I—I just tripped and spilled a few drinks, I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Are you sure you’re alright?” You gritted your teeth, laying your head back to stare up at the ceiling. Of course he wouldn’t let it go that easily. The doorknob rattled a little again, and you glanced at it as if it were a viper poised to strike out at you at any second.

Stupid, you’re being stupid, don’t—

“You sound—”

You reached out and turned the lock on the doorknob, and turned away from the door, crossing your arms over your half-buttoned shirt and stared down at your feet. After a long moment, you heard the door open behind you.

Evidently you didn’t look any less distressed than you felt. His quiet sigh met your ear as the door shut lightly and the lock turned. “Oh, love, it’s fine,” he said gently, his footfalls echoing quietly in the small bathroom, closing the short distance across the tile floor between the two of you. Your whole body tensed as he wrapped his arms around your waist from behind, resting his forehead over the crown of your hair with a quiet chuckle. “It’s only a few drinks, it could happen to anyone.”

You shook your head, your shoulders shaking a little. Stupid, it was so stupid, but the words were already leaving your mouth before you could stop them. “Oh, yeah, anyone.” You couldn’t stop. You couldn’t. He had a way of pulling all your insecurities to the surface that no one else did. You pulled your crossed arms tighter, staring down at the white floor tiles for a moment before shutting your eyes tightly, your voice shaking a little. “Especially a dumb screw-up like me—”

“Don’t do that.” His tone came out a little sharper with this, and your breath hitched audibly in your throat this time, your shoulders hunching as you clenched your eyes shut tighter, swallowing back the lump in your throat. As if to counter your stiff posture, he pulled his arms tighter around your waist, pulling you closer, his thumb rubbing lightly against your waist in a comforting manner. “Don’t, sweetheart. Please.”

The warmth of his embrace already had you relaxing a little. Your shoulders slumped, your body leaning back against him, but your eyes were still burning when you opened them to stare down at the toes of your shoes.

“Was it the manager?” he asked gently, shifting behind you to rest his chin on your shoulder. “If he was being an ass I’ll gladly kick his ass off the docks.” Your breath left your lungs in a slow, trembling sigh as you shook your head no, your gaze drifting down to his hand at your hip, still rubbing lightly against you, your lips curling into a fleeting smile at his offer. You knew you were being stupid, but… “Then what’s wrong, love?” he asked, his voice a soft, comforting murmur in your ear.

“I…” You drew in a deep breath, closing your eyes as he tilted his head so his cheek lay against your shoulder. “Y—you—“

You swallowed against the lump forming in your throat, drawing in a deep breath, trying and failing to steady the whirlwind of thoughts swirling through your mind, thoughts of how maybe this was all a lie, of how you weren’t anything more than a silly little fling to him, how you weren’t good enough, how easily you could be replaced.

You bit your lip, glancing down as his hand found yours, watching his fingers lace between your own…and the breath left you in a slow, resigned sigh.

“It’s stupid,” you said quietly.

“If it’s got you this upset, then it’s anything but stupid,” he countered, and you had to purse your lips tightly to keep them from curving into a small smile as you felt his press briefly against your cheek in a soft kiss. “And if it’s something I’ve done—”

“N—no, you haven’t—” But how quickly you shook your head, how your shoulders tensed, betrayed your worries. “I…I just…” You slowly relaxed once more as he squeezed you against him, his cheek nuzzling against your shoulder, his soft blonde hair tickling against your neck. Still unable to turn your head to meet his eyes, you bit the bullet and forced yourself to voice your worries. “You have beautiful women making goo-goo eyes at you all day,” you said, keeping your voice low in an attempt to keep it steady. “I—I don’t—I’m not—” You bit your lip, your heart racing as you clenched your eyes shut, cursing yourself internally as you felt the tickle of a tear leaving your eye to trail down one of your cheeks. “Y-you could have any girl you wanted. L—like that blonde that was hanging all over you while you were showing her the menu, or—or—”

“Oh, sweetheart…” You weren’t quite able to mask the small sob that hitched in your chest as Sanji loosened his embrace—only to gently place a hand on your hip, guiding you to turn around and face him, to pull you against his chest as you tried and failed to fight back tears. He gently shushed your quiet sobs and stammered apologies as he wrapped his arms around you fully, combing his fingers through your hair as he laid his head over yours. Your eyes remained clenched shut as you fought to control your breathing , as he pressed a tender, lingering kiss to your forehead.

Sanji lowered his head and nuzzled into your hair, holding you flush against him.

“I already have the girl I want. The perfect girl.” He pressed another tender kiss to your temple, murmuring against your skin, “I have her right here in my arms. And I hope,” he said, his tone turning a little playful as he shifted to rest his forehead against yours, “that I’ll still have her tonight after dinner shift is over.” He brushed your hair behind your ear, smiling as he tilted his head to meet your gaze, puling a small smile to your lips as your cheeks grew a little warmer. “So we can cuddle up together on the balcony…watch the stars…laugh at all the drunk idiots stumbling back to their boats…”

You could practically hear him smiling as a few soft giggles escaped you, as you finally leaned fully against him and returned his embrace, your arms wrapping around his torso as you buried your face against his chest.

“I’m sorry,” you sighed, relaxing against him. “I…I’m just…”

“I know, love.” The way he called you ‘love’ all but melted your heart now that you were calmed down, pulling a faint smile to your lips. “I know. You don’t have anything to be sorry for. And if it’s any consolation, I was in the middle of telling that self-righteous blonde bimbo how my sweet, adorable, beautiful girlfriend would wring her neck if she kept putting her hands on me—“ He chuckled as you whined in protest of his praise, tugging you closer and grinning, meeting your eyes without hesitation.

He lifted his hand to your face, his thumb brushing across your cheek, the warmth of his gaze holding yours.

“I—“

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

You both jolted in alarm, your heads turning in unison toward the sound of the pounding on the bathroom door. Before you could so much as glance at each other, a gruff voice spoke up from behind the door.

“We’re in the weeds, Eggplant!” Zeff called . “Get your scrawny ass to the kitchen! And bring your damned girlfriend, we need all the help we can get.”

A long moment of silence stretched between the two of you as you both stared at the closed bathroom door, before your gazes drifted slowly toward each other.

Before you were both giggling under your breath, as you buried your forehead against his chest, a broad smile spreading across your lips as you clung to him.

“I suppose we’ve been summoned,” said Sanji, pulling back from you only enough to gaze down at you, still smiling. “Shall we, then?”

[olivianyx]

I didn't knew u were a respawner! That's so cool, I've been on my respawn journey for like 1-2 months, I hope this is okay to ask but how is your respawning routine? Currently I am taking a break but I would love to hear abt your respawning journey so far :>

Heyy! I'm glad I find many people who are into respawning! Actually mine's a long ass story and you might wonder how am I even doing fine to this day 😭

Okay so long story short, let's begin.

Back in 2022, I discovered shifting. After finding out about loa in 2021, I was anticipated to shift realities just to escape this one. I hated being here. I was suffering with depression, bi polar, avpd, anxiety and maladaptive daydreaming, and I was from a toxic household with narcissistic, toxic and strict parents and fake af friends. It was really hard for me to even open up to somebody. It was hard for me to handle (actually I'm tearing up rn while I type this... Especially those traumas are the worst thing I ever experienced)

When I started my research about shifting, I got into amino. I saw the word 'respawn' and I was like tf is this?? I thought it was some gaming shit and then when I researched it on amino, I really wanted to go away from here and be happier than ever. I wanted to be in peace and do whatever I want in my reality. And no one should judge or stop me from getting what I want. I quickly scripted the place I wanna respawn, and other stuffs. I decided that I will get tf outta here.

Well because I had a reason that I'll respawn, I completely ignored my 3D circumstances. Like I stopped taking care of myself, stopped talking to people around me, stopped studying, stopped doing everything. I just was desperately trying to respawn every night telling myself that I will.

When in fact I was wasting my time and energy into lack. I almost didn't study for my finals and wrote the exams and hope that I'd respawn before my results will be declared. I used to keep time crunches to respawn, and when I didn't, I used to get so depressed, that I attempted to take my own life for the first time ever back in may 2022.

My brother accidentally entered my room and saved me from doing that. When I say I've almost attempted to take my own life for like 10+ times that same year, I still didn't give up. My exam results came and I luckily passed my exams.

So after all these I decided to give a break for 3 months completely for my own mental health. Ik my journey for 2 years wasn't smooth, it was full of ups and downs, and it messed my mental health up. I wasn't even using loassumption in a proper manner at that time. Ngl, I was so damn desperate for manifesting even the smallest stuff (I just wanna time travel back in time and slap the shit outta that version of me that I was back then 💀)

So when I got into a medical university in 2023 January, I completely forgot about respawning for a while. And again in October 2023, I logged into Tumblr, and became friends with one of the respawner Julie. She was so sweet, that she even answered every stupid doubts of mine (God give me Julie's patience 🗣️🗣️) she had respawned back in October 2023.

She was the one who told me 'SELF CONCEPT IS THE KEY!' so I started working on my self concept for like 1 and a half-ish months.... Well, I wasn't even perfect with it, but I tried. I did many challenges but the meraskii one had a good effect on my mindset. So last Christmas, I even learnt about the void (I hate implying it as void, I'd rather say it as I AM state) I wanted to enter it so bad.

I just did my affs, persisted in it, and listened to subs, and on Christmas Eve, I got into it successfully.

This year, I find respawning a very relaxing topic. Like I don't even get bothered by it. I know I'm already where I wanna be. And don't worry, my mental health has been good for a few days now. I was thinking of changing my script, so for the past 2 months, I've been scripting my new reality, well still it's only half way done hehe.

By the end of this month, I'm planning on respawning through the void. So till then I just wanna be thankful for everything here and enjoy every moment here without regrets.

Everybody's journey is different. All you have to do is embody your desired state. You just have to be the version of you having your desires. Be the one who already has it. For me, that took 3 years to click. I just had to relax and give myself in. Let go and enjoy the fact that I already have my desires in the 4d.

Ig this helped... any further doubts, you can ask me! Lots of luv 🤍🤍🤍🤍

- olivia 🤍

[mgmm-shifts]

SHIFTER INTRO

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

HELLO

I'm new to shiftblr, so I wanna introduce myself :)

PSA: If you stalk my account and see my past reposts and likes, no you didn't lol. This account is hello old and I'm trying to cleanse it. I had an intense sports phase when I was 14-16, dw bout it...

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀:¨ ·.· ¨: ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ `· . ꔫ

About me:

☆General: I'm Melanie, but you could just call me Mel. 23 y/o, Leo, She/Her. I moved from shift tok to here! I want to find fellow shifters and continue my journey! I don't really have shifting friends so I figured here was a good place to find some mutuals :) ☆Shifting journey: The first time I shifted was in 2022 (or 2023, it was winter i don't remember which month) and it was by accident. I had no idea what shifting was oop. Since then I've, although I hate this term, "mini shifted" a few times since, but my mentally has definitely gotten better! I have been lucid dreaming since I was a kid, so when it happened I knew immediately it was different and I was so confused lol.

☆Main Dr: Attack on Titan (My script is pretty diff than canonverse, practically no titans left, no war, peacetime, much more modern times etc. I will explain script in a later post if ppl are interested) I had other DRs like JJK but lost interest in that (in the show in general tbh) and DBZ (the one I shifted for the first time ever to). Don't ask but it existed lol. Still love the show though, it was my first anime 🕺🏻. Tbh I'm just focused on my main one, I may make one with L Lawliet in some way eventually. Otherwise I haven't really been inspired to have anything different. ☆Hobbies: I love to draw! I haven't really began my dive into digital art (it's on my to do list) so I mainly stick to sketching and occasionally painting. I'm also trying to learn Japanese right now which is quite hard but I love it. I could already speak Italian and English and they're soooo different. Aside from that idk, I'm currently in school so I don't have time for much. I write some fanfics from time to time and read (manga/books) or play xbox occasionally. I also love to shop and collect anime shit lol. ☆Fav shows: -Grey's Anatomy -AOT -DBZ -Death note -Chainsaw Man -Nana -Gossip Girl -Spy x Family (I'm currently watching but still at the beginning, so spoilers pls) -Demon Slayer -The Vampire Diaries (a good fall classic) -Friends -Alice in Borderlands (where tf is s3 oml) -JJK (I've watched, used to be obsessed with, now I'm pretty disinterested but always love me some Toji lol) -Jersey Shore (a true italian-american classic 😩) -JoJo's (also still at beginning oop) -Hunter x Hunter (i stopped mid way) -Black Clover (there seems to be a theme here... stopped mid way) There's prob more I just can't think rn ☆Why I shift?: Tbh, since I was a kid I would make DRs without even understanding what that was. I am a very creative person with a huge imagination (thanks ADHD woo) so I've always wanted to be a part of these realities I would make as one does. I've also struggled with a history of depression and to be candid, my home life sucks. I've done a lot of maturing and mental work on myself so I'm a lot better now, so my reason is not necessarily for an "escape" but like yeah. I don't like wording it that way because I feel as though it's a bit dangerous to just completely toss your CR aside and rely on shifting as a end all be all fix, but if that's not the case then escape away :) I've been on the other end of that journey before so I'm speaking on behalf of my experience, but that's just what has worked for me and my mental health personally. As long as you are happy and healthy, do your thing <3

Okay this is already long af but if you made it this far, thank you🥹. Now that I have started up this page, I hope to interact with you guys and post about my DR and shifiting journey! Also most importantly...

WE WILL ALL SHIFT TONIGHT :)

[jjs-brainrot]

And finished Girls band Cry.

Is it the best band anime of all time? Yes. Is it up there with stuff from Studio Orange as one of the best 3DCG anime? Yes. Is it absolutely my contender for anime of the season? Hell yes!

It's honestly been a long time since I've seen a completely original series just keep up such a consistently high production value and writing quality through out its run time. Like what ever you choose for the "weakest" episode would still basically be the highlight episode in any other anime.

The CGI genuinely might be some of the most expressive and fluid I've seen in a 3DCG anime. Like not even just in terms of framerate or character movement, I mean every scene each character has so much detailed and intricate facial and body language going on at every moment. It doesn't translate well into screenshots but it genuinely feels like you can just get how a character is feeling and what their personality is like in any given scene based purely on body language a lone which is incredibly impressive.

Writing-wise, it's hit after hit after hit. While some episodes are higher then others, there's never a moment where the series isn't doing everything in it's power to hit the emotional beats it's wanting to hit. The writing also just fully commits to feeling just really well grounded? Like nothing feels too out of left field or unearned and it just feels like a pretty natural story about a band coming together to try to make it in the modern music scene.

The entirety of the main cast is just fantastic.

Nina is easily going up there as one of my all time favorite protags. She's brash, goofy, has a sense of justice she never strays from even when it actively does her harm, she's angry af and she genuinely acts like how a teenager who's been though some shit would act. She's a flawed person (an outright hypocrite at times even) but that's what makes her such a relatable character.

Momoka comes across as a hot headed but confident rocker girl, but the reality is she's a bit of a coward. She sees herself as a complete failure and the only reason she hasn't already run away is the angry little hedgehog girl, whom she sees so much of her younger self in (even if a lot of that might be projection), keeps stopping her at every turn.

Subaru: the actress, the liar, the goofball, the hedgehog wrestler. So much of her personality is being as blatantly fake as fuck as she can every scene before someone calls her out on it. And so much of her fakeness just crumbles anytime she has to deal with her bandmate's antics (Nina especially) to the point that she can just be herself around them. She also has the funnest facial expressions and body language. She just has to be extra in every scene she's in.

Tomo and Rupa did feel like they got a little bit shafted in the series if I'm honest. A lot of that is because they really didn't get to get much screen time until the half way point though the fact that the series is much more focused on Nina and Momoka's storyline so the other three got less focus. Tomo tended to act like the band's straight man but she def got her own goofy moments. Rupa is the friend mom of the band. She does have the most depressing backstory but she always has to keep the mood lively (especially if there's beer involved).

The Music in GBC is absolutely fantastic. If Bocchi the Rock! is an homage to the current J-Rock scene, referencing bands like Asian Kung-Fu Generation, Tricot and 88Kasyo Junrei, Girls Band Cry is much more focused on paying homages to J-Rock from the 90s and 2000s, referencing bands like Yura Yura Teikoku, Gingnangboyz, Spitz and Eastern Youth.

Togenashi Togeari themselves might be my all time favorite J-Rock band now. Their music just absolutely hits and I just can't stop obsessing over them. What's particularly wild is that the VAs/musicians comprising Togenashi Togeari are all first time VAs who were all hired through an audition process that was specifically looking for women who never sung in public, played in a band, or played rock before. The series is just that committed to being grounded that it forms a band of nobody's who didn't know about each other before becoming a band to play a band of nobody's who didn't know about each other before becoming a band.

So anyways, I've rambling for far too long. Girls band Cry is amazing, you should all watch it in whatever way you can and then listen to all of TogeToge's songs on endless repeat like me.

[foxgirlintestines]

The one piece of advice I can really give to younger trans girls is that you really need to embrace the parts about you that you actually liked pre-transition. There is often that crushing weight of gloom and self loathing that comes with severe dysphoria that tells you that everything about you is wrong, but that can just your mind being clouded with negative emotions, and it becomes harder to see the positives. In the end, though, you probably aren't going to become a perfect barbie doll, and that's ok, but striving to become something like that can drive you crazy.

When I first transitioned, I just wanted to be a girl, no ambiguity, just look like a stereotype. It was never really possible, I'm almost 6 and a half feet tall, and the women in my family are not thin, when I got on estrogen I gained weight fast, and it did not go to all the right places. I wallowed in bed a lot, and I just kind of kept getting worse. Oddly enough, it was getting into fetish content where less standard body types were lusted after more than regular anime proportion waifus where I started to see some of the more positive aspects of being amab. I was tall, strong, could be threatening and having a big squishy gut was actually quite attractive. I started to remember things about me when I was younger that I kind of pushed out of my mind. I was the "guy" who would run the mile in PE then casually walk along-side my friends and keep them company so that they didn't get teased, and one time I picked up my overweight friend and just carried her the last bit of the way because she was exhausted and the teacher couldn't really do anything about it because even as a young teenager I towered over him. In theater when there were heavy props to move I just lifted them up and tossed them around when we didn't have grip present. When we were out drinking in college, I was the "safety" who intimidated people so they would not try and take advantage of the drunk girls. I am big, and even if is not very feminine, I like that about me.

I changed my transition goals, I started working out again, not just cardio exercises to lose weight, but weightlifting, squats while holing a barbell, throwing around a medicine ball, and doing laps around my backyard while holding a ~150lb dead tree I ripped out of the ground while doing yardwork on my shoulder. I got healthier, I got happier, and much to my new endocrinologist's chagrin I've been gaining more weight, though now it's muscle. There are still plenty of things that I changed to be feminine, I wear my hair long, I wear girly clothes, often cute shirts with open tops that show off my large arms shoulders and cleavage, and mini-skirts. I put on make-up, lots of bold goth get-ups with heavy eyeliner black lipstick and glittery deep grey eyeshadow. Long painted nails, jewelry, hell sometimes a sparkly rhinestone tiara when I really want to ham it up, cute open toe heels when not wearing my big stompy boots, and of course the biggest one (pun intended) my massive boobs that I got the largest implants legal to be used in the US to make me busty as hell. I don't look like a barbie, and I no longer want to. I'm to the point that people often don't know whether to call me sir or ma'am, but the fact that people say sir or ma'am meekly like they are afraid of getting it wrong is way better gender confirmation than being called "lady."

I am happy now, well, at least happy with my body, there is plenty of shit in the world that still makes me depressed as hell. At least I no longer feel that dysphoria, and it makes those other things a bit more manageable. I think even if I did achieve my original transition goals, I would not be as happy with my body as I am now. You got to find that about yourself too, sometimes you will actually miss things about who you used to be, even if those times were overall worse.

As a silly little comparison, these two pictures of my fursona (which reflect my ideal body type) were made before and after I accepted the things about my body that I didn't want to change.

[evermorebarbie]

I'm almost done with my acotar reread. I'm on acofas and I have thoughts. Yes, these are most likely unpopular and, most importantly, my opinions.

1. I don't like Rhys or Feyre. I know I've been back and forth on Rhys on liking him and not. I understand why now. I appreciate him from a morally grey standpoint and the healing journey Feyre goes through. Their love story is good not great just good. Beyond on that I couldn't careless.

2. Acotar is her weakest series. I know it's romance based. far more than tog or cc. Perhaps that's the issue. I'm not sure. But her writing, in general, is stronger in tog and cc

3. I've been rereading all sjm books in anticipation of hofas with my friend Rachel(@nighteyed) Throughout our long discussions, I'm taking Azriel out of the doghouse I put him in. No, that doesn't mean I agree with his bonus scene it still rubs me the wrong way and will call out his faults like I do every character. But he's alright.

4. Tamlin is 100% a red flag. But the male is depressed af and the ic should just leave him alone. What happened UTM broke him too. And changed him. Locking up Feyre, going to Hybern, and acting like a dickhead at the highlords meeting were fucked up. Him reacting over Feyre's letter in acomaf was not. When she left she couldn't read or write.

5. Eris made mistakes in the past but deep down I think he's a better male than alot of the fae. And also. Make Azris canon Sarah. Do that and I'll forgive so lorcan did.

6. I haven't liked Mor since I first met her and I still don't

7. Cassian is the superior bat boy. I said what I said.

8. It's so sad seeing how Nesta was improving in acowar. How she began changing, helping. That bite and coldness she started off with was going away and then she watched her father die. Her mate almost die, and killed Hybern. It broke her and you can see the shift in her immediately after the battle.

9. What did Elain and Lucien talk about before he left Velaris?? Speaking of them. What happened between acowar and acofas. I need answers Sarah.

10. Because I feel like I need to round this out lmao. I think the whole line Elain says to Cassian about it wouldn't take much to kill him isn't foreshadowing. He almost died three times in the series. Once in acomaf, twice in acowar. She was merely stating that he throws himself into battles to protect others without a thought to himself, and if he's not careful, it could end him. It's also possible she just saw a vision at the battle of hybern.

[miimo96]

Thoughts on My Adventures with Superman S2 episode 9

So you're probably wondering what heck took so long for me to make this, and well ya see thats because I actually had to wait for this episode to come out on the website where I watch all my TV shows and anime on, and since That was taking so long to be released, I wasn't able to watch this and thus give my review on it, But now that it has officially come out I can finally Get my thoughts out there and Share it with you all, anyway that's mainly because why I've been gone for so long, that because depression kicks in at the most random times in my life and so I wasn't feeling motivated, but aside from that I'm finally ready to get this done and thus give you my review, anyway yeah Sorry for the wait but let's get into it^^;

______________________________________

Starting off I actually wanna talk about a few things regarding this opening, mainly about Clark's kindness; I love the fact that even tho this is a world where didn't never up and thus he never became Superman, he still has that kindness within him, and from the way he talks about wanting to help the creature and show him that it's not Alone, just shows that No matter what reality it is, he will always be compassionate and thus want to help people, hence what makes him Superman in the 1st place; also I didn't expect that in this episode we were actually going to be seeing an Evil version of his parents, because it's always usually just him getting the world he always wanted, I actually like that they took a different approach this time and thus gave us a reality, where he still has his parents, and where he basically got to grow up on krypton as a completely different person, also it's really interesting to see that in this version, the Black Mercy is more or less giving him a dream world where he basically has no control over, and Is kinda just gaslighting him like Brainiac would, I think that's because in this version, the black Mercy isn't a plant like most irritations, but is rather just a piece of technology, and since Brainiac was the computer system for krypton, he is able to access all the technology created from krypton, hence why Clark's mother Laura was talking to him that voice for a second,

Also this Shot right here is really Menacing AF, like Jor El looks seriously scary, oh and it looks like lois lost her memory so I'm wondering how that's going to play out

I fnd it very weird that Kara thinks Brainiac is Unstoppable Just because he's in Clark's body, like may I remind you of the absolute beatdown you gave your cousin a few episodes ago, like I'm really starting to believe that whole thing that people say of people who join the quote unquote "good side" end up effing sucking afterwards, like what is with that stuff, also before you say she was only able to beat him bc she was being controlled by Brainiac and therefore wasn't in control of her actions/ Strength, yeah sry but No, she wasn't being controlled by him at that time and was completely aware of what she was doing, the only time he was controlling her, was when she was hesitating to use her Heat vision to kill people, aside from that she was fully aware and wasn't Holding Back on him AT ALL; Also Mandy is such a bitch, that is all

Omg lois lost her memories I wonder this gonna play out, will she fall in love with Clark again, will clark remember who he is, will they even get along with each other, the possibilites are endle- Oh, well Never effing mind I guess, huh that was fast 😅 Also I really love the fact that Clark instead of becoming a warrior in this reality, became more of a scientist, it's funny because in the original animated series he was kinda like that as well, heck even in the comics I think he was like that, it just shows that Clark no matter what, really was never a fighter to begin with and only really ever does it in the name of Defense, with his real goal being to want to just help people through whatever means necessary, mainly through the power of science, like how in that 1 comic when he found the cure to cancer or something, Also can someone really explain to me how lois was able to prevent herself from being deleted, like I don't think it was ever explained and I'm really starting to believe it was just because of PLOT

Bruh Jimmy looks So heated at the fact that Steve of all people was the reason he and Kara were able to escape, like are you kidding me, THIS GUY!? 🤣🤣 Also shout out to my boy Steve for coming in clutch for our boy Jimmy, like he really is the Homie and I gotta say, the best get away driver like how do you sneak from Amanda waller of all people Undetected, dude's got skills

Hey Lois Idk about you but In my opinion This was the Worst explanation I ever heard, like I understand that time is resetting and so you've probably explained this to him like a hundred of times but Wow, you Really couldn't go any other way about it, like ya do realize this makes you look like a Crazy person right?; Also I legit could Never understnd Why she straight up tell couldn't tell Clark she loves him, like Omg wasn't you 2 already in a relationship at the beginning of this season, why is it So hard for you all of asudden o say I love you, when you LITERALLY established relationship early on, like WTF I'm sick of this trope already

Ok 2 things: 1 Jor El is scary in this sequence, like the way he screamed "Find her" really sent chills down my spine, and 2 why does this shot with him peeking out of the Bushes feel incredibly meme worthy?

Tbh I actually don't have much to say regarding Kara and Jimmy this time, aside from Jimmy being the GOAT due to how beautiful pep talk was, and how much I want them to end up together now, like I've said it before but I absolutely love their relationship in this series, and I really hope they get together by the end of it or at least if she ends up leaving earth like people theorize, in order to atone for her sins across the galaxy, at least get to confess his feelings for her ^w^

"Because the real lois wouldn't come for me" Ngl he deserved this exact response from her, bc wtf do you mean bro, i mean underrated your reasoning but just because you 2 had a fight doesn't mean she Stopped loving you, because you KNOW she wouldn't be here rn if she didn't; Also I find it very funny that her revealing What she did and how dangerous it was, is what brings Clark back, like it just shows how much he cares about her and how overprotective he is for her safety, Also I think i understand why she was able to do all this stuff in the 1st place

THROUGH THE POWER OF LOVE!! 💖💖😭😭😭

Tbh This is probably 1 of the best versions of Task force X I've seen so far, like this Roster goes Hard and so does this entire Shot like Damn, also whoever's Idea it was to Not include Parasite in this Scene Needs to be fired, like I understand why Livewire isn't here But PARASITE!? I mean the guy is seriously OP when given enough energy, as proven by his Kaiju form last season, and I could've sworn Amanda does has control over him now thanks to Lex, so WHY THE F$%k HE ISN'T HERE!? I bet he would've came in Real handy tho 😂

Ok 2 thing's again: 1 YEAH LET'S GO KARA! Eff you Brainiac you Piece of S#%t i hope you effing Die, and 2, Eyy i looks like I was on to something about Them being infused with Kryptonite; Also i see were Still stuck with these robot designs I guess, *sigh* look I've said it before and I'll say it again, These designs absolutely Suck, like No offense to the Animators But you're Really telling me we couldn't have gotten Anything better, I understand animation is Hard So you Need simple designs but c'mon, you couldn't at least go with the skeletal design he has in some iterations or even make Them look more like a Megazord than whatever the Hell this is? man I really hope this gets fixed in season 3 or something because I Just can't with this anymore; Also is it me or does this whole setup kinda feel sorta familiar, because I feel like I've seen this before, hmmmmm 🤔 eh whatever

God I love this Scene, from the scenery,to the lighting, to even their effing confession everything is Just AAAAAHHH So effing GOOD, Damn it Love this Series!! Especially the music in this scene like Omg it's such bop to listen to, and the fact that it's even the extended version of the God Damn intro is freakin Amazing ^^ Like this belongs in Top 5 motivational scene alongside You say run from the ending of the 1st MHA movie, like it's just That Good

OOOHH I'M LOVING THIS NEW SUIT Omg like this has everything I've ever wanted in a Superman suit, it has the perfect amount of gold to contrast the Red and blue, it reminds of Man of Steel and New 52 with Lack of shorts even tho I personally prefer the shorts, and it just Screams Superman, the only thing I would change about this would be those big ass Shoulder pads and i think maybe those finger straps, but aside from that, PERFECTION 😘

Small little animation error regarding Kara's eyebrows But not even that can Ruin this moment ^^

Finally It looks like people may be on to something about Amanda Waller possibly Framing Lex, setting him up to be the fall guy and making him look like he was The 1 responsible for everything, possibly losing his fame and setting him up as the Villain Next season, after all he is the 1 who built the Metalos So if anything went wrong, it is technically his fault, anyway however this plays out, I'm sure it will all end horribly for Lex in the end, overall amazing episode can't wait for the next one, hopefully it doesn't take too long to be released like this one, fingers crossed ^^

[stychu-stych]

Hi, sorry if this is weird but I'm saw in your bio that your a tattoo artist but I found your account theough some cult of the lamb art (it looks cool af) and I've been planning to do illustration and animation at unj but I've also been considering a tattoo artist apprenticeship after i finish that msybe? could you possibly tell me what irs like as an apprentice and if you think I could do my courses at uni and then do an apprenticeship after? I've really been struggling considering my choices and if you had any advice or information about being a tattoo artist weather its on an apprenticeship or actually as a career I would really appreciate it if you had any information for me! I'm so sorry if this is weird and of course you dont have to tell me anything if you don't want to or am uncomfortable too but I'm really curious and with no other sources 😭 (also finding your account may just be like my idol and inspiration while I struggle through school and what I do in the future 😭❤️)

That took me a while to answer because I never feel experienced enough to advise people 😭 Or maybe I should say - I don't feel in a position to advise because, as I once said, I'm mostly a self-taught working at home studio (now almost in my own art workshop with my fiancée) and I don't have much experience working in typical tattoo studio and with other tattoo artists. But I'll try my best ✨

There're many differences between apprenticeship in different countries (and tattooing in general) for example - Poland has one of the lowest price list in Europe but still a lot of people can't afford tattoos. Or that in UK being a tattoo apprentice is a long process. I know for sure that a lot of tattoo artists I know struggle with number of clients compared to previous years. And it won't change for a long time for sure because of inflation. So if you want to start tattooing you need to know that you won't earn much money for a year at least (as I said- it might looks different in another countries)

Also as a tattoo artist (even as a apprentice) you still need to take care of your social media which sometimes can be exhausting and depressing. And I'm telling all of this because I know that you probably won't find this kind of information on other tattoo artists' profiles (unfortunately strategy "look how my life is perfect" works for social media and for getting clients)

But on the brighter side - being a tattoo apprentice isn't something you have to dedicate your whole life to it. Lot of people I know have a second job to be financially stable. I myself don't live only from tattooing - I also help my fiancée with our online store (with our fanmerch and original artworks) and go on conventions with our booth. So you always can do multiple things at once and if you'll decide that tattooing isn't for you - nothing is lost!

The best way to know more about tattoo apprenticeship in your area is to check some groups - for example on facebook- dedicated to learning tattooing

I know that this post is sooo long but believe me, I barely touched the topic. I could write an entire essay about that topic djdbdjdh

Have some wolf lady because I like adding pics to posts sjdbsjsb

[heartshattering]

I still haven't found a solution for being fatigued all the time. Caffeine doesn't help, doctors don't help, literally nothing helps and I'm at the end of my fucking rope. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I can't take prescription stimulants because I'd be putting my heart at risk but sometimes it really is tempting to see if I could go to a new doctor and not tell them about my history of arrhythmia and see if they'd prescribe me something (but I won't since 1 - I'm too scared and 2 - it's not like doctors here ever want to prescribe anything either way, IF you're even lucky enough to see a doctor since the waiting lists are long af).

I feel like I've been spending all day sleeping, and when I am awake, I'm absolutely useless. I have constant headaches, I feel physically uncomfortable all the time (too hot, too sweaty, too itchy), and nothing makes me feel 'good' anymore. My only relief is sleep, and even then it doesn't do much for me since I still wake up tired, sometimes even more tired than before thanks to my nightmares.

Idk, it's just disheartening to have to deal with this because this is seriously interfering with my life. And I feel like I can't do anything about it. I'll always be the person in the house who needs the least amount of help. My mom can't get out of bed so of course she needs the most assistance. My aunt is depressed because her husband died so she gets all the sympathy from people. And then my dad is working all the time so of course he has a ~real~ reason to be tired while I don't (even though he literally only 'works' so that he doesn't have to be around us, and spends most of the time doing stupid shit in his office like arguing in the comments).

Every day the list of stuff to do piles up, to the point where it's barely even fun anymore. Things I used to enjoy feel like chores now. I can't catch up with that series I love, because I always end up falling asleep while trying to concentrate on it. I can't try out that new game my friends are all talking about, because my brain feels too drained to figure out how to play it and I'm embarrassed that I'd just slow them down. I can't self-study topics that normally I'd enjoy, because my brain just isn't absorbing anything and it makes me feel so fucking overwhelmed.

Then, there's the ACTUAL chores... I can't clean my room, I can't keep things organized, I feel too exhausted to cook. My hygiene has gone down the drain, like I currently feel disgusting right now but I can't do anything about it. I haven't done laundry in the longest time, all my used clothes are piled up and they smell like (and possibly actually have) mold.

I take care of my mom and my dog, but that's it... when it comes to taking care of myself, I just can't. And everything feels like too fucking much.

[joesalw]

Hi there! I've been following your blog for a while now and love all the takes here! I do have a mini vent and experience to share if that's okay!

So context I've always been a casual TS listener ever since OG Speak Now dropped (we don't talk abt how she butchered my fave album of hers in this household 😂) then fell off her around 1989 cos I wasn't into the whole pop era of hers then came back with Folkmore

So during the pandemic I became That Taylor Swift friend 😭 and obviously fucked off after Matty but I have Swifties besties

Now I'm going through a similar breakup to her and Ratty and now all those besties keep sending me I Can Do It With A Broken Heart 🤢 and after a whole year of not listening to her I bit the bullet cos I'm nosy.

I regret listening to that and But Daddy I Love Him so so much because. The former is just tone deaf af - the birthday line is funny to me cos I am actually diagnosed with depression and my ex ghosted me on my birthday 😂😭 Coming from TS tho,, SO tone deaf and the last lines were so gross that I just didn't finish the song

Then with Daddy I Love Him, Dessner's production on that song - minus the background beat that sounds like Jack's stupid synth beats - is completely wasted on that cringey title and the overwritten lyrics

Sorry if this got long and thank you for listening!! - 💔 Anon (or you can call me S!)

S!

[necroticghost]

YO HOLY FUCKING SHIT I FINALLY GOT AN APOLOGY FROM MY FAMILY

(this is long af but it's a huge thing for me)

so, I kept having arguments with them (especially my mother) over my situation, with being called a disappointment and a failure, I was feeling so misunderstood and invalidated. and I FINALLY sent my mother a looong message explaining everything, it took me an hour to write it.

AND

MY MOTHER APOLOGISED

SHE APOLOGISED IN DEPTH for everything she did to me, she asked me for forgiveness so many times and admitted her mistakes and cried a lot and... I don't even know how to feel. I never expected that kind of response.

I only sent the message to her but it was directed at other family members too, knowing that she'll show them anyway, and I also mentioned that if my father was alive I would've wanted him to know as well.

I went on and on explaining my suicidal tendencies (maybe in too much detail because I apparently scared her a lot...) every symptom of my depression and what trauma turned me into, all the traumatic experiences I've had that ruined my life, and I asked her why did I never get any help and why did no one ever stand up for me, why didn't anyone care, how could no one do anything if they were all aware of what was going on. I ended the message with me simply asking to at least not be judged anymore because of the fact that I can't work or study and explained that I've become incapable of those things.

I never expected anyone to take accountability after reading my message. even my grandma messaged me to apologise and ask me to forgive her. the very last sentence I wrote just said that they have two choices, either understand what I'm going through and stop making me feel like shit , or we go our separate ways.

and after everything, I feel relieved, empty, happy, shitty. and shocked, the strongest feeling of all. and afraid. my mom almost got into an accident last night because she was deep in her head and I heard she called my brother crying and terrified. it hurt so much knowing that it was my fault. but I felt like that way for years and years... I don't know how long it will take me to forgive them (and if I even can), but right now I don't even know how to feel, let alone think about forgiveness. I guess I need to see a change in them before I can make an opinion. guess I gotta keep myself alive to see how things will develop.

I never would've dreamed that this could happen, I've been holding these things inside of me for many many years. and they're finally out there. my girlfriend said she would be willing to pay for my therapy so that's something I could look forward to... although I feel like I'm broken beyond repair.

[invisiblegarters]

Be Mine Superstar Ep 8

(Fair Warning the first four paragraphs of this are actually about Only Friends. It's what I do now, apparently. Feel free to skip to past the gif if you don't care)

Much later than usual, but the truth is aside from having responsibilities that unfortunately kept me away from dramas a lot so far this week, the Only Friends brainrot is real. Pretty much the entire time I'm *not* doing things that I need to do I'm thinking about Boston and his motivations and how he could easily be just a two dimensional fuckboy villain but there's too much going on with his face for me to buy it (Neo Trai is a gem guys, it's true. I've known it but now I really know it, you know?) and pondering how heavily Ray's issues with alcohol are going to factor in (my guess is very), how bad it's gonna get (also very), how many relationships he's going to destroy (all, probably), and who he's gonna hurt (physically as well as emotionally - look, drunk driving is a whole theme, we've had two (2) episodes and Sand and Ray and dangerous driving have been mentioned no less than three (3) times - call it Chekov's Gun, call it the Sword of Damocles (I've done both because I'm dramatic af) or be normal and simply call it foreshadowing, I just can't believe they've mentioned it this many times not to have it rear it's head in a really nasty way).

And that's not even counting the stuff that just amuses me, like counting how many times Mew looks sus in one episode (a lot), or building my SandTop exes agenda (also a MewSand agenda and a NickSand agenda...look I just think Sand should get around, okay?) and cackling over the idea that we're going to get everything in the trailer so far by episode 5.

Do you see? the brainrot is so real that I just spent paragraphs talking about OF and not the show I'm ostensibly here for. It's been a long time since a drama took over my brain to this extent. I'd say send help but I'm actually having way too much fun.

So I do apologize for the person I've become. For anyone that's not here for me to go on about OF at literally any opportunity, I really am sorry. I don't think any post will be free of it until October.

That said, let's actually talk about this show now, eh?

Sigh. So we're gonna do another outing plot here hey. That's wonderful I so love these (I really, really don't). But I guess there has to be some sort of drama happening since everything's been fairly adorable so far. Yippee?

Can I just say that the Muang/Doctor plot feels weirdly rushed and disjointed? I was so looking forward to them after the first ep and now I barely care, and that is sad.

Punn and Ashi are really cute though.

Are we also still doing the Title crushing on Ashi thing? I felt like that was there and then it got dropped, but now they're picking it up again. He's not gonna be happy with those pics. Oh but hey if it leads to him begging his asshole manager not to be an asshole then sure.

"It's not that hard to win Ashi's heart." Especially when you'll be in Japan with him and Punn won't. Just saying. Although I just incredibly doubt it'll work - this really does not strike me as that type of BL. But hey, a little angst never hurt anyone, right?

Just once I would like one of these places to look lived in. They did a little better with Punn's house but man, it depresses me how spotless everything is all the time. It's like when they order food and don't eat it. Or sleep with the lights on.

/tangent

I love that the Daddy Muang thing hasn't been dropped even though now Punn has Ashi as he wants and there's really no need for it.

The brothers remain very good. I like this sibling relationship. Feels real in a lot of ways.

Oooh I like that shot with all of them in the car park.

I find I have to keep reminding myself that Punn is only 20. But frankly, I am cringing hard at this jealousy plot. I just wanna grab him and tell him he's being too transparent, aaaah. Me, I have a pride issue. I would never. I could never.

Punn is the cutest though - I do like how he just lets every feeling show on his face, even if I could never.

"No one is taking Ashi away from you." Maybe not, but they're certainly trying lol.

Although...maybe trust in your boyfriend just a little more. It's not like you're in a show where he has one foot out the door anyway.

I wonder now if Muang has figured out Title is definitely making moves, lol. He's not stupid, even if Ashi is, a little (genuinely, I think he's just focused on his job. This is his big international break, right? Of course he just wants to do the thing right. And he has no reason to suspect that Title's trying to split him up from the boyfriend no one is even supposed to know about).

Anyway this kind of angst is my jam so I'm not even a little mad. Poor sad Punn with his poor sad Punn face, though. It just doesn't feel right to watch him be unhappy.

I love those dogs.

Hahahaha okay Punn manipulating Muang and co into helping him separate Title and Ashi is funny. I have to admit that. Yes, childish, but again, twenty. And not exactly a hugely mature twenty, either. :D

Damn, Muang. That was kinda harsh. I love it. Be meaner!! Make someone cry!

Sorry. Feeling a little vicious today, apparently.

Well at least Punn acknowledges he was being kind of immature. Yes, yes, Title is being a deliberate butt, but Punn doesn't really know that he just sort of suspects, and he was already being a little ridiculous before that.

Twenty. He's twenty. Remember he's twenty.

Ooh I did like that hop and carry though. Very nice.

And now off to Japan we go! Well. Half of us. The other half is still hanging out in Thailand.

Pfft and now there's yet another man after Ashi's pretty self. He's a hot commodity.

Beep boop time for the blackmail. Although to be fair this is going in a direction that I didn't quite expect. So props for that, I guess.

Oh hey, everyone's in Japan next week. Nice.

[impandgnomes]

Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan (pls) (for the ask thing i mean asdfghjkl;)

lmao ty - lemme do this a sec

1: sexuality headcanon

The boy is bi. Don't ask me how I feel it with such certainty, but I feel it. Also not sexuality, but potentially enby and I feel that in my soul.

2: otp

If I were to put him romantically with someone, I guess Kyle? Those two have a bond that is too adorable however you cut it. I've always had a soft spot for close male friendships in stories goofy or serious, it seems (Egg moment? Egg moment...you don't exactly get that in life when you look like a girl lmao)

3: brotp

Besides Kyle, I'm hoping we'll see more of him and Tolkien hanging out fr. Honestly, I think it would be too niche for an episode but like imagine those two getting Kyle into Warhammer. It would be funny.

4: notp

Sorry, but Wendy can do better. Like maybe they could be friends, and I'm never gonna object to art of the two of them but she really shouldn't stay with him lmao. She's 10 but like...surely even she knows the truth here lmao

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

You know what? He's going to be the second character ever that I claim eats peanut butter with a spoon directly from the jar. That headcanon is so specific and pointless that it's funny. The other one with that honor is one I used to RP from another show back when that was airing (and if you ask certain family members is literally me - someone I know might be reading knows who, but I'll leave the rest of you to guess). In Stan's case, I like to think that Shelley is very vocal about how much it pisses her off and wonders why he can't just make a sandwich lmao.

My other bitter headcanon is the feeling that Matt and Trey are going to keep his family on Tegridy for as long as possible because it's funny to them (both in terms of writing and fan reaction), but honestly kinda breaks my heart that he lives so far from the other three little guys right now.

6: favorite line from this character

Another time where I legitimately cannot think of a single line (but instead many), so I'm just going to embed this because honestly everyone kind of slayed in this scene and I guess technically it's an answer:

7: one way in which I relate to this character

I was about to say I'd probably have an easier time listing ways I could relate him to other people in my life - there's a couple of people I could think a lot more than myself for - but then realized there are multiple non-bad-but-just-embarrassing things I would decline to state here lmao. The joys of having a character be one of the "normal" ones, I suppose.

That being said, we're both depressed af and 10 years old was a time and a half for me mentally; so I guess that. Finishing YGO/Assburgers both made me like him as a character more and had me staring into silence for like five minutes contemplating my life on an existential level for many reasons lmao

Also growing up, I was known for liking animals and didn't want any to suffer without cause. In my case, I got super obsessed with the RSPCA and I would get called brave by girls at school at the tender age of 8 for touching worms to rescue them from drowning in pavement puddles. idk why this was considered brave, as I was in no way scared to touch worms. Lately it's been making me think that I'd like to get a pet snail again, or at least go outside a bit more again since I've always regretted feeling like I couldn't after I lost a lot of hope in my life.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

I often say he sometimes needs a hug, but sometimes needs someone to absolutely slap him because he can pull some serious dick moves that make me die a little inside. I feel like if someone were to compare me to him, some of the times where I think he deserved someone slapping him would be the reason somehow and I would be offended but understand lmao

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

He's a little problematic, like all of us lmao

[inoriemiko]

Life update time PT1 !!! 🗣️🗣️

So, I've been super paranoid recently in regards to my flat mates, friends and ppl I associate with in school. For the past 3 months, I've been having waves of depressive episodes that would leave me avoiding, burnt out, moody, anxious,stressed and tired all the time and during those times, I'll avoid and maybe sometimes ignore my flat mates.

[Mind you we are 6 total including myself in the flat and we are all on good terms, well, before my serious depressive episodes started. There are 3 ppl upstairs and 3 downstairs. I'm downstairs and so is my long time friend. I'll call him 'Chris'(not his real name btw) and I'll call the antagonist 'Ann'. Ann lives upstairs btw. It's like a share house where I live. ]

Anyways, I'm not sure what I did to Ann, but after my depressive episodes around a month ago, she started acting passively hostile, rude, ignoring me and just generally mean. !!!These are all from my POV btw, she acts nice to others, it's just my experience from my POV!!! I've been bullied before, I've been socially isolated by my peers, I've been manipulated, you name it and she is showing some really clear signs so I am 90% sure my POV is right. Anyways, I've tried to tell Chris but my guy dense AF. He would probably deny it even if it was a physical manifestation. He is nice and g=at, don't get me wrong, and he also didn't tell me I was crazy or imagining things to my face so kudos but he doesn't believe me. He noticed her behavior only like, once and never again.

I have decided to stop telling him, it's no help besides, he is close with Ann now (in a platonic way). I feel like I'm crazy rn, lol. But I know I'm super paranoid. The worst part is that no one else See's it but me so I got no source except 'Trust me bro'. And when I finally got a chance to talk to her, I jokingly asked if she was mad at me and she said she didn't have the time for that (she's in masters so yk) but I don't believe her.

Now I feel this immense hatered when I see her or hear her talking with one of my flatmates, especially Chris. Mind you I DO NOT like Chris romantically. We have been friends since first year, we are in 3rd now. And he's a dear friend to me, or at least was idk if he hates me now or has abandoned me cause of something I don't know about or is irritated by me or somthn idk. He is also the only other friend I have that is still in this entire uni assides from my other friend I sometimes have classes with.

I feel Ann is trying to steal Chris and break my friendship with him. I also feel she is fake, like a pick me girl. I hate her voice. It's so loud. But she pretty tho- Anyways, I hate her, I feel like she hates me too and wants to take everything that is mine, starting from my friends within the flat. Because of this, I have a crippling fear that my flat mates generally hate me and if I hear any of them in the kitchen or outside, I am paralyzed by the fear they would actually reject me or side with Ann and start hating me or mistreat me.

The funny thing is that I had been praying for flatmates/room mates that I would get along with for years now, after years of horrible flat/roommates but when God finally answered my prayers, I messed up. Now I don't even feel welcomed in my own flat. I feel like I'm intruding.

I hate my self so much. I hate everything. I hate my life. I just want this academic year to pass me by so I can leave and never have to see them again. I'm just so tired...

[forgottenluck]

❀ What has made you completely lose your chill?

Salty AF Meme Time!

Oh boy, a lot has done this over the many years I've been rping...but i'll pick one from my super younger years. This one has religious talk, so please note that.

I used to rp a LOT on deviantart, in the chatrooms. I was in a group rp that ended up being one of the largest of it's fandoms rp chatrooms. It was a fun time, and I really liked the people in the group.

At least...mostly.

(putting under a readmore cuz it got long)

One of the bigger names in the chat was a mun by the name of Faith (I have no idea if this was their/her real name but I have no quarrels saying what I remember due to this being a completely different platform.) She played an OC, absolutely refused to play a canon character....and she was the epitome of a Mary Sue. Honestly this didn't bother me. We were all young at that time.

What did bother me was her blatant disrespect for rules, other people's comfort, other people's boundaries, and the fact she had it out for me from the moment i stepped into the room.

I have a very outgoing personality, and tend to make friends decently well. At least, this is what I've been told. As such, when i came into the room, many people really liked me. They started paying attention to someone that wasn't her.

A few things to note; the fandom we were in was only mildly supernatural-ish (i won't state which one it is at this time), but the characters were all relatively normal. No magic powers, no special things that were too outlandish, etc. OCs were allowed as long as they made sense in the lore of the universe. The rules of the chatroom stated that if you were going to ship it had to be singleship due to the storyline of the room.

Faith's OC broke....all of these rules. Her OC had massive supernatural powers, was supposedly a pinnacle of the universe, was all powerful, and was in active relationships with every member of the opposite sex. Mary Sue to the extreme.

It got worse as attention started to wane on her character, moving to the new people in the chat. She started to berate me in ooc, had her character become severely depressed if any of the others even thought of interacting with mine, and even started spreading lies about me, telling the mods that I was doing things to her in PMs and such.

Me and her were called into the private chat channels multiple times to "talk things out" which usually just ended up in a 'she-said she-said' type deal. I took it all. I was wild when i was younger, didn't really care nearly as much as I do now. It was more frustrating than anything, because I wanted to write instead of argue and fight over interactions. Still, she managed to turn almost the whole chatroom against me.

Eventually, I broke off from the group, and left a long scathing PM to Faith, explaining my feelings and how I felt it was unfair how she was acting to me. I heard nothing for....well....years. I moved on, figured it wasn't worth the energy....

Then I logged in to Deviantart to a PM from her one day. It was a lengthy reply to my original PM, where she addressed every point I had brought up.....and ultimately tried to pin it all on me. That it was all my fault that she had felt like she was invisible and not getting attention that she deserved.

But that wasn't what made me loose my cool.

What made me loose my cool was how she ended the PM. Obviously, I'm glossing over a LOT of what happened to keep this as short as possible, but what she had done to me was massive harassment, blackmailing, bullying, etc. And I do have testimony to back this up, I still have friends from that old chatroom.

But the way she chose to end the PM was roughly as follows:

"I know you need to find God, and You need him and his love, and you should accept it. I've accepted it and you should too so that you can forgive all of what has happened and be saved."

Now, I'm not going to tell people what they should believe. But do not tell me what I should believe in. And don't tell me what to believe after telling me that everything that bad happened to someone was my fault for just existing. I was absolutely pissed, livid.

I sent back the most scathing, angry PM I've ever sent to this day. I picked her reply apart line by line, bit by bit, and pointed out every single issue and hypocrisy that came up. Followed it up with evidence that I'd been keeping for years. (i have issues deleting things so i have so much stuff from years and years past). Told her that she could believe whatever she wanted, but I never going to be a part of that, and that I would never forgive her for what she put me through during my time in that chatroom. She would never be forgiven. She would be remembered for every wrong reason, remembered as a person who was willing to put everyone else down for simple validation and attention, and that this was just proving that point home because she was seeking even more attention.

That there were very few people in the world that I choose to hate, and she was one of them.

Am I proud of what I said that day? No. But it doesn't change my feelings. I still hate her, to this day.

Again, I'm not going into details, but those years I spent on deviantart, especially in those fandoms....I was at one of my lowest points, and she had hammered home constantly that I was unliked, unwanted, and a burden. I was very harsh in my last PM to her. I had completely lost my cool....but I don't really regret what I said. I feel like it was things she needed to hear, especially if she meant her last point of "finding God."

so yeah. That's a time I lost my cool. fun story, yeah?