#because i'll start the semester again :(
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#build your blorbo ⟿ mike wheeler ◦ born: 04.07.1971 ✧ insp. ✧
#byler#mike wheeler#usergif#userblorbo#mine#mine:gif#once again: inspired by analog media#i put so much effort#yk the crt screen effect#the little blur#the vhs distorsion#i really love this#like one of my favorite sets EVER#so i hope you'll like it as well#next sets will be MUCH MUCH easier#because i'll start the semester again :(
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why can't i have one birthday per school semester... i wanna throw a big party for myself more than once per academic year
#remind me once spring semester starts. send me an ask that tells me to do the wagon thing and not forget about the wagon thing#i want to do the wagon thing. i've decided. but in the meantime i need non-wagon-related halloween plans#i'm gonna go to ren fest again this year and bring out the loki costume again but i'll need on-campus shenanigans too...#possibly in the loki costume; possibly Not because i don't want to get the fishing-net cape snagged on anything LOL#shebbz shoutz
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...😭
#i've never had a job in my own field that i've liked as much as i've liked my current one#the semester is ending soon and today i heard my contract will not be renewed bc the person i'm substituting will return to work after all#i've been feeling so tired and a bit poorly after the nokia arena show and i probably should have called in sick today#as i was absolutely useless today#and then after my only class today my students came to me with a gift?? 😭#a pink enamel moomin mug and some chocolate and a paper on which they had written nice things about me + a drawing of a dachshund 😭#and i burst to tears right there in front of them because i was so touched (and also because i'm just really really tired and emotional)#i'm so tired about having to apply for new jobs and having to start all over again#i'm so tired of having to do shitty short-notice substitutions again#i feel like i deserve better than that but on the other hand i fee like life's giving me exactly what i deserve and maybe this is it#i'm dreading the summer because idk if i'll have a job to go to in the autumn#and even if i did find something it won't be like the job i have now#also. it's may day eve and the weather's lovely#and i'm hiding in my apartment with the curtains closed so i won't see all the people going out and having fun with their friends#for me may day eve has never been like that. i've always felt so very excluded from those celebrations#on top of that i got yelled at by a bus driver and i'm the worst friend that ever existed#i'm trying to quit on whining about my sad little life but it gets so lonely#please know i'm not writing this for attention or pity. i know y'all have problems of your own and i'm just being a dramatic crybaby
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reblog and say as many as you can, but AT LEAST ONE (1) thing you like about yourself/are proud of yourself for. could be this month, this year, this fucking decade. i double dog dare you. love yourself bitch 🫵🏼🫵🏼🫵🏼
#i'll go first the biggest thing i'm proud of myself for is somehow re-wiring my brain to be positive most of the time#secondly i think i'm pretty funny and i'm a good friend and i have a lot of love in my heart <3#bluebird.txt#you can always tell when i've entered a righteous I Will Kill God With My Own Two Hands Before I Ever Let Myself Be Miserable Again#when i start making posts like this lol#finals week i am going to fucking slaughter you i am going to kill it like i've never killed it before#it's been a hard semester but it's made me tougher and a better musician and no matter fucking what NO ONE can take that away from me#fucking NOBODY. it is undeniable that i am better than i have ever been#and even if the going is slow now because i am Me i Know that there is no way in hell i can get anything but better in the future#i am going Up. even if i go down i'm going up. no one can fucking take away from me what i've done.
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Survived today fine. Just chilling now.
Ordered a new bridge for my violin. Current one is kinda bent (from age, I think) and I think it's affecting my sound quality. It's supposed to come in on Saturday, along with some mutes (both for performing and also for practicing. First for making it quiet while playing a song and second to make it quieter in general so you're less disruptive while practicing. I think.) and also some sand paper. Because I'm probably gonna have to sand the legs of the bridge some to adjust it to my violin's shape.
I've never replaced a bridge before. I've put one back *on* after at least one time of accidentally knocking it out one way or another. Kinda really inconvenient. Gotta loosen all the strings, position it, then re-tune the entire thing. So that part is inconvenient, but familiar. But the sanding it into shape....... well, I might look up an instructional video or something. Just in case. It seems like it'd be pretty intuitive, but better to be safe than sorry.
#speculation nation#yknow now that i think about it it probably is pretty much time#i dont know what's standard for violin maintenance but i think it's the same bridge ive had since i got this violin in 8th grade#which was. back in 2010. 15 years ago....#the violin overall is in perfectly fine shape. though i wonder if i should change the other strings at some point.#i changed the G because i had to. because it broke. the others are currently fine but hmmm#idk i'll pay attention to if they start sounding weird. the G was sounding weird before it snapped back then.#im also Pretty sure im suppsed to get the bow's hairs redone at some point... but it's still fine?? i think.#ive never been the type to press hard enough to snap hairs very often. though maybe thats not a good thing#idk im just. thinking#i really want to Stay in the habit of playing even after this semester ends.#it's felt like reconnecting with an old piece of my core identity. i was an active violinist from ages 11 through 19#and even in the time since then ive still Called myself a violinist. bc that kind of thing never leaves you.#my left arm is Still more flexible than my right one. can bend further up behind my back and everything.#but it's also... not the same as Actively playing. it feels right and wrong at the same time.#it feels *right* but it doesnt feel as natural as it used to. im too out of practice. fumbling fingers trying so hard.#trying to not get frustrated with myself when the person in front of me plays so beautifully without any hesitation.#im sleep deprived. and incredibly out of practice. but im taking measures to improve things.#the bridge will help i think. i kept getting thrown off by the sound today. on lower strings it almost sounded like smth was rattling.#and when i install the new bridge on saturday i will practice. until i at least know what im supposed to be playing.#i wont embarrass myself again. i will *not* be so lost next time. my pride as a violinist demands it.#i may be severely out of practice but i was once the 4th best violinist of my high school. i can get that good again.
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You know what? I give up on this paper once and for all. I'm not even ashamed anymore
#okay I'm a little ashamed#it's another 5 points i have to catch up with next semester#but it's making me want to kill myself and i don't even know if the professor would still accept it#(the original deadline was in October. i got an official extension until November. i guess it'd be just rude#to ask if it was still okay to send it#especially since i haven't done any substantial work on it#it's just bad. i hate the topic. i hate the way the professor views the subject 'language and emotion'#so that i cannot write what i want but would have to tailor it towards her views because otherwise I'd fail#and also i cannot write in german. i simply can not do it. )#it's better to move on and focus on my last paper for last semester (official deadline is end of March#so I'm not behind for once)#and i should do the assignments for a module i should have finished 1 year ago#so i don't have to do that next semester#and i should start studying korean again so i don't make a complete fool of myself next semester#I have my first day of work in 2 weeks so I'll also have to focus on working (for money) from there on#I've been paralyzed by the thought of having to write this paper for way too long#the professor is not my boss anymore (i still have to work off some hours though) and even if she was#I'm so done being ashamed of myself for not being able to do certain things#i wanna give it my best from now on but not for this paper. it's done.#void screams
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We should normalize bringing these sort of "small talk ideas" cards to meetings with other people so that it's possible to avoid the awkwardness of not knowing what to talk about to kick things off or if it's considered normal to talk about this specific thing and AUGHGHFCG all this stuff.
#i don't know what these cards are actually called. but what i mean by this is that well. ok let me tell you the whole story#which is that in my attempts to become more normal and functional i started attending these 'social skills exercise' group meetings#and at our first meeting instead of subjecting us to the awkwardness of introducing ourselves one by one#the group moderator prepared these cards with questions that we would take and answer in turns#and then invite all the others to contribute a bit as well. and that part was also not as scary as i feared it would be#some of the questions were kind of not very good interesting questions but still it didn't matter that much#because i am once again being proven that as long as the conversation is about something specific#it's really not that much of a problem for me to contribute like how when i had these zoom meetings with people#that discussed my interships back in my two final semesters of uni of course at first i was super stressed. BUT once the meeting started#and it came to the actual talking? it was no problem at all suddenly like wow sometimes i actually can talk to people#but yeah the 'what do i talk about' is the problem. and another realization i had here is that i'n in fact naturally predisposed to rambling#because i rambled a lot during this meeting i feel like and i think i'm already starting to vibe with one girl from my group in particular#yet my biggest problem most of the time is not saying anything at all in most situations. because of. the masking#it's literally such a big thing to overcome i've been having such huge realizations about this. but yeah anyway#i already had the opportunity to mention sparks lol. bcs one question was to tell the others about a movie#that left a huge impact on you and well why would i lie about this and not talk about TSB and my tendency to become obsessed with old bands#another observation is that when you put 4 socially awkward people in one room the result will be that it will feel very akward#to no suprise of course. but also there is something relieving about not being THE ONLY awkward one in a group you know#but well yeah all in all. man the mysteries of human communication. maybe i'll get it all one day#goosepost
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help i keep planning my move trip to thailand. like a delusional person
#the problem is that i'm convinced i'll go there???#because my brain is straight up like what's stopping you#MONEY??? MAYBE??????#TIME??? MAYBE??#and my brain goes yea but you're actually good at saving no matter how much you complain that you aren't :')#and granted i CAN work it out with my uni for a semester there#see??? i am completely delusional#i am BUDGETING#mentally i am packing my suitcase#ideally i'd go in winter but i have exams#i could do february (vacations) march and april though#then i come back i have may to study for exams again and it all works out#you know i don't think i was told no enough as a child#(that's a lie. i was told no enough. however my mother also raised me to believe that i can do anything (within reason) if i really want it)#tea's ramblings#ignore me i'm just the moves countries and immediately starts looking for a different country to move to person. clearly
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okay one of my flatmates is really fucking starting to piss me off lmao
#i am away for. Four days.#i come back. 10 pm. the shared compost bin i washed and left to dry in the rack the day before i left is still where i put it. instead of#moving it (Extremely Simple Fucking Action) she has chosen to dry her dishes by balancing them on the rim of the sink. the sink itself has#food scraps in it. jars with bits of food still in are standing on the counter and i know from experience i'll snap and bring those#to the recycling bins before she does. i start scrubbing things because leaving My Kitchen unclean upsets me on a molecular level and she#walks by and all she says is a grunted hello#and i could tolerate this ALL FINE i could think ah she's just busy probably! but when other flatmate (beloved) and i attempted to initiate#a chore chart system so that kitchen and bathroom get regularly and properly cleaned#at the end of the month she was like well i hate kitchen duty because i don't think i should have to clean up your messes. i cleaned the#kitchen once this month and an hour later it was dirty again. woman 1. sorry for fucking using the kitchen 2. you cleaned the kitchen ONCE?#in a MONTH? 3. you did not fucking clean up our messes. i know for a fucking fact i was putting away your dishes on a daily basis i would#looove to know what the fuck you considered cleaning up my mess#anyway. long story short thank fucking christ she's moving out at the end of spring semester otherwise i'd snap and write her a very#pettily snide whatsapp message
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this. is the second time. my roommates throw a party without telling me beforehand. not even a fucking text. Like with my uni shit needing to be done until monday evening i would have appreciated a little warning to go literally anywhere that isn't here yknow to fucking get decent sleep TWO NIGHTS BEFORE MY DEADLINE
#if you hear about a massacre among 'students' (loosely put because none of these people are actually studying) i have an alibi#i will admit. i barely talk to them when i have a busy time (so just like a hi and no conversation when we meet) but a text wouldve been fun#i absolutely hate these people#alao the way they think their parties are good when it's a bunch of people in their mid 20s listening to 2012 charts music and drinking beer#embarrassing for them#i dont want to deal with moving again when I have to move again after next semesters but i am thinking of setting the flat on fire#and again it definitely is my fault too because i dont talk to them much but it's mostly because i have friends and i dont spend my#entire day at home not writing my bachelors thesis and listening to k*nye#and all that for a mid party with beer as the only alcohol and katy perry roar in the background#istg I'll start blasting music at 6:30 when i wake up n see how they like it
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I feel so stupid crying over this but i just feel like the biggest idiot in the world
#i spend all my days studying all my goddamn days since OCTOBER#the closest i got to going out was when i'd go get drinks after lectures EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE#i went out with company ONCE. ONE WEEKEND. O N E#and i really AM the idiot bc it's just me#all my other friends have lives and free time#everyone i know is always out always going somewhere hanging out with someone#everyone i know on here is able to work on their hobbies all year round#the way i work like a fucking mule you'd think i'm studying medicine or something#else that guarantees a well-paid job but no. i'm in fucking language studies.#i work like a mule with all my breaks leaving me so exhausted that all i can do is scroll or just rest#and then i DON'T EVEN PASS????????#AND THEN EVEN MY SUMMER ''BREAK'' WILL BE SPENT STUDYING SOMETHING#I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW BETTER I COULD STUDY#AND EVEN THEN I'LL HAVE LIKE SIX GODDAMN WEEKS#and then what? another year starts and once again study all day have no time for myself#and because i'm stupid i'll do this for God knows how long#five years at minimum. but that's if i pass everything on time#i failed this exam but it's not a prerequisite for 3rd term only 4th term subjects#but lit is a prerequisite. if i fail this exam i'm already setting myself back an entire semester#and for what? i'm literally wasting my time#i'll be dead in 60 years if i don't raise a hand against myself sooner#i spent 20 years doing fucking nothing that i wanted to do#even during breaks it was everything my parents expected of me#God#and now i can't even go to sleep bc i'm too busy being a pussy bitch and crying about this#and i have to be up in 7½ hours yayyyyy
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i need some motivation to do shit, so like... notes thingy i guess
100 notes - water consumption for the body. marching band season made me realize i dont drink enough fucking water out here. (alright, i guess i need water now... I WAS DRINKING TEA EARLIER. THATS CLOSE ENOUGH, RIGHT??)
200 notes - food consumption, i guess. i'll try to eat 3 full meals a day. enough to make my body full and stuff. (gods dammit. well, i already ate breakfast and lunch, and i have leftovers from lunch, so, i guess dinner's all set for me.)
300 notes - homework completion. i've been lacking in my homework game, and i definitely need to improve it this semester. (...i'll start my chem homework tomorrow since saturdays are my rest days, okay??? MOST OF MY WEEKEND HOMEWORK IS DONE BUT THANKS FOR CARING, CHAT)
400 notes - writing hobby. i need motivation to write lore for my dnd campaign (#runaway ruler dnd / #convict ruler dnd / #ruined ruler dnd universe if you want to follow along my shitposting for that) (i already started shitposting for runaway ruler again, so check it out. I WILL WRITE LORE FOR EACH ARC DONT WORRY IM JUST BARELY GETTING STARTED ON THE SECOND ARC SINCE ITS VERY LONG)
500 notes - animation gift. i'm making a little valentine's gift for my spouses, and it's gonna be 1:34 seconds long... I need motivation to actually animate lmao. (i'll do bits and pieces throughout the week. don't worry, i plan to figure this out [i haven't animated in months, and even then i barely scratched the animation surface])
1000 notes - script memorization. i uh... need to memorize my silly little script for a production coming up in a month. im performing in front of kids so like... the script's pretty short and easy. im the antagonist in my cast >:]. (sick, let's go. i love myself some memorization.)
2000 notes - chest binder shopping. i'll ask my parents if i can get a chest binder. ive been meaning to get one for myself for some time now. im getting desperate for one. (i suppose i'll ask today or tomorrow... or over the weekend- that's when most of the shopping happens, anyways.)
3000 notes - leaving the closet. i'll come out to the rest of my family that i'm trans, aromantic, all the nine yards about my lgbtq+ identities. i'll definitely have to schedule a good day to do that. (HELLO??? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?? OKAY FINE I'LL FIGURE OUT A DAY. I'LL COME BACK TO YOU WITH THAT-)
4000 notes - researching possible colleges across my state and outside my state. because i wanna get out of here.
5000 notes - order a suit. preferably black or purple. because i need more gender affirming clothes in the formal department.
EDIT: do however many notes you want. i know i said 10 notes per person earlier, but like... go wild i guess
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I've been talking about this with literally everyone I know because I'm incapable of deciding but I can't decide what I'm gonna do for study abroad ACK
#like#my school has an agreement with another one and the forms for that are due on the 5th#and I didn't plan on going because it's right where I live and why would I go home?#but things have actually been pretty good at home and with my family and I feel mentally stable enough to be in my hometown#but for a whole semester? potentially#although I was getting testy after just a month but I was surrounded by and only saw my family and if I study here I'd be on campus w/frien#however since freshmen year of high school I've been wanting to go to Korea and learn Korean and learn about Korean culture#and this would be the perfect time to do this because when else am I gonna be able to dedicate time to just go to Korea and learn Korean?#like when else will I 'have' the money or the time to do this? it would feel like a shot in the foot to not go now#and also I rearranged my schedule and even ended up overloading last semester to get into the singular Korean spot that opened last minute#and I was so excited and i would tell everyone that I was going#but I went home and started thinking about the college back home and it has a lot more I could do academically than at my own university#and so now both are pretty good options#and I kinda wanna vomit sorta kinda not really#I think I can fill out the form and then take a few more months to think about it because I don't have to pay the deposit until end of june#but I'm also worried about what if I sign it and then am unable to back out and then I regret it and then I have to spend a whole semester#at this university back home in my hometown close to everyone and everything#and again it'd be good acadmically but I'm really terrified about if I'll regret not going to Korea#usually I'll make a decision and then think through if I regret it or not so hopefully something similar will happen here#but I'm also prone to regret even when I stand on my decisions so I'm unsure how to really tell what I'm thinking#I've been making lists and all of what I wrote here is on there plus some more#you guys I can't do this :(
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WATT AU where everything is the same except instead of a cheerleading sleepover they’re just working on a group project for school. I think more people would end up dead than in canon tbh
#can you tell i have to do a group project for one of my classes and i am not having a great time#yes riley is my favorite character and most relatable but don't worry about everyone in my group okay#but oh. my goodness gracious. gosh darn golly. if i have to start conversations and ask questions in the group chat first again again#i am going to snap. this will be inevitable#not to mention i lowkey have had a crush on someone in my group the whole semester. it's not helping#but who knows maybe this whole thing will turn out great because like riley i am too much of a micromanager and have too much pride to fail#we are the tigers#anyways back to the main point of this post. i don't think in this au chess would die first because she does care about her grades#but unfortunately farrah is definitely going to die because of her unmedicated adhd and her bringing open water bottles to the library#and ends up getting water everywhere including on the pages of the library books#cairo does not care about this assignment at all but she'll help riley with it to keep her gpa up#clark shows up and no one knows why he's there but thankfully he brought snacks and provides moral support and knowledge on the topic#that's all i got so far lol idk if i'll do anything with this i am just. projecting as always but just more literally than normal
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#the longer this strike continues#the less eager i am to go back to uni#but it's probably not going to last long#but i just#i'm so tired#this semester is not doing it for me i guess#now i'm behind stuff bc i didn't do anything i could've done with this time ~off~#but my head is already anticipating the future when i'll start workiing more hours#and it's eating me up not knowing when that will be#so i'm just trying to soak up all the ~free~ time i have#because soon i'll have none#it's uuuuugh#i'm so frustrated#whenever i start to feel better something happens that drags me back to being in that awful headspace again#this year has been a fucking roller coaster#i just want my life to feel normal for once#personal x
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Wrong brother ― P.JS & P.SH
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/446fadb487a3bf9c594033a1d25e7aae/c5c7e150e4b893d1-58/s540x810/137026d2a297b8003b93b9ee536f0839a542a4e4.jpg)
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anonymous requested: jayhoon with “fucking the wrong brother” trope 😵💫
wc: 1.8k
tags: sunghoon is a fuckboy on campus but you don't know it. you accidentally send your nudes to jay instead of his brother sunghoon and well....WELL, sexting, actual fucking but it's alluded to, second-hand embarrassment. NOT PROOF READ.
"Just friends" only goes so far when you've been pining something fierce for the past three semesters for a very specific kind of dicking down.
By specific, you mean Sunghoon. You want Sunghoon to dick you down so fucking bad by this point that you think you're going crazy.
The thing is, you've been friends with him and his brother, Jay, since you started college. The three of you kind of clinged to each other because you at least recognized one another (from your hometown) on this vast campus that is filled with strangers and people already within respective groups.
The three of you made your own respective friend group.
Over the semesters, you never really thought about either of them in a sexual light until Sunghoon did something one day that ignited a little bit of something in you. Maybe it's the way he looked at you that night, all drunken and woozy with drooping eyes and your image melting you into his surroundings. Or maybe it's the way he didn't seem to mind that you walked in on that, witnessing him literally choke a girl out on his cock mid-party in an unlocked bathroom.
It's the way all three of you were gonna blow off this party and just hang out together again. It's the way all three of you ended up admitting that you low-key wanted to experience a college party every now and then. It's the way he refuses to talk about what you saw, but knows damn well you want to mock him for it.
Mocking him in a way that would make him talk about it. If only so you can ask why he looked at you like that, with his half-smirk and quick raise of the brows as if to fucking invite you to join.
You made a point not to tell Jay about this because you knew he'd never let Sunghoon live it down, and quite frankly, you want him to live it down. With you, specifically.
This leads to today. So long after you witnessed Sunghoon mid-sexual light, it was hard to see him the way you used to. The way he held her head down even when someone walked in...the way you saw a glimpse of him moaning, half-talking to her when you opened the door.
Is it so wrong that you feel Sunghoon, the shy, beloved, and sweet Sunghoon, has a bit of a mean streak if his dick is hard? Is it really, so fucking horrible for you to kinda, be like, you know, turned the fuck on by it?
It's gotten to the point that the few friends you do have outside of your little circle has gotten fucking sick of hearing about him.
"Just fucking send him a nude, god." One of your friends gripes with a roll of her eyes. "We're in college, he's probably down to fuck if you are!"
You roll your eyes right back at her, snarling a bit as you lean in closer, whispering now.
"He's like, my best friend. Don't you think it's weird that I can't stop thinking about the way he like...basically treated some girl's face like a pocket pussy?"
"No. The dude is hot, anyone would wanna partake in-"
"I can't just fucking roll up like 'Hey hoonie, nice cock, i think. I don't know, i couldn't see it because you had it buried into some girl and I really want to see what it looks like and also i really want you to do that to me just to see what it's like maybe hahahahha"
"You can literally do that." You friend says, fed up. "Again, just snap a nude to him and send it. Just immediately apologize and beg him not to look at it. Pretend it's an accident."
You stare at her, feeling your phone burn in your pocket at the idea.
"I'll text you and tell you what happens." You say suddenly, wiping your hands clean from the crumbs of your snack and walking away without another word.
You don't hear her, but your friend cheers you on with another roll of her eyes. She doesn't actually care because, well, it's Sunghoon. She's actually a little bit shocked that word hasn't gotten around to you. The dude is actually very, very well known with the ladies on campus.
Any lady.
All ladies.
Except you, apparently.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Mortified.
You are fucking mortified. Here you were, dressed in your best (absolutely nothing) with your fingers still grazing your clit as you stare in horror at your phone.
You really did that. You sent the fucking newly taken photo and immediately apologized. Hell, you even closed your phone for a minute out of anxiety that approaching Sunghoon this way was a bad idea...
You phone went off just a few seconds after you turned it off. Just a text from Jay, no biggie, probably just wondering what you're up to.
You were literally still playing with your clit when you opened his text without much care. He shouldn't find out you're making a move on Sunghoon anyway, right?
Well, yeah. He'll never find out because that fucking move you made wasn't on Sunghoon at all. The way your stomach flips upon opening his texts only to find that fucking picture of your open, wet, fingered pussy right there above your quick apology... and then right below that is Jay's texts reading:
Jay: was that really an accident?
Jay: figured you'd have called to tell me to not look at it if you actually were sorry
Jay: i'd know if you had someone to send something like that to anyway
Fuckkkkk why'd you have to be so bold to send something so graphic?! It's so out of character for you, even if you did send it to the right person to begin with. You really are going fucking crazy.
You: um...it was an accident, really...
Jay: you don't seem too apologetic for sending it to me
Jay: "sorry, that wasnt for you. pls delete lol"
Jay:....you sure it wasn't for me?
Jay: sounds like you meant to send that...
This is...embarrassing. Jay, fucking Jay of all people is stroking his fucking ego right now. Thinking this is for him, that you want him. Which, i mean, that's surprising because he acts so uninterested in sex when you're around him. Like you've never even seen him stare at a girl for too long or admit to you, or his brother, that he wants to start dating. Yet here he is??? Talking to you like this?
You don't even know how to respond to him when you get another text. A fucking image.
Of his cock.
That's Jay's cock on your phone. Right there. Jesus.
Jay: oops, lol, didn't mean to send that.
You pause, barely able to tear your eyes away from how fat that thing is before you respond in an annoyed, text-tone.
You: are you fucking mocking me?
Jay: depends, are you into that kind of thing?
What the fuck is happening right now? Is this really Jay? Is this how he acts? What is with you and your best friends ending up acting...so interesting when a pussy is around?
You: what's it to you?
Jay: you literally just showed me how deep your fingers can go in your pussy, it's everything to me right now
Why...did you just tingle? Why did your fucking clit throb at that? This is Jay. Then again, you had the same shock when you witnessed Sunghoon that night. Still, should you really play into this? Should you really lead Jay on out of pure arousal and curiosity and forget about your plan with Sunghoon?
You'd look so bad if Jay found out now that you plan to do the same shit to Sunghoon. Ugh, you feel like a total slut.
You: jay, it was an accident.
Jay: fuck off with that, no it wasnt. besides, i liked it. send more
You sigh, slapping yourself on the forehead out of pure embarrassment but god. Are you really about to do this? Are you really snapping more pictures right now?
Yeah. You fucking are. And you send them just as easily as you did the first time, allowing your clit to think for you at this moment rather than worry about the consequences of this.
Jay: fuck, i can't believe you're doing this right now, prettier than i imaged
Jay: jerked off to you so much last semester, was starting to think i need to find someone else to chase
Jay: [image attachment]
The whiplash you're getting right now. Jay...has been into you?! Since fucking when?!?! and, god, fuuuuck, why is he so big? Why is Sunghoon at the back of your mind right now? Why the fuck are you rubbing your clit harder for this?
Jay: well?
You: i feel weird about this
Jay: just give it a few, keep doing that, keep showing me.
And well, you do. Solely out of curiosity. You keep snapping pictures, showing him a personal timeline of how wet you're getting before you get another text from him. Finally, after about ten minutes of silence.
Jay: open your door
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Silence. Utter fucking silence as you lay next to Jay with his heavy limbs thrown over you. Despite the heaviness of your breathing paired with his, your ears are ringing.
How did he do that?!
When did he learn how to fuck like that?
What the actual fuck is happening?!
"Jay..." You half-whisper out to him, breath still struggling to balance out.
"Hm?" He hums back, his arms pulling you in, pressing your back to his chest as he ghosts his lips next to your ear. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I just-" You decide not to tell him about how this was accidental. "I'm shocked, that's all."
For some reason, the laugh he lets out fills your heart. It's the same, genuine, laugh he lends to you when you do something clumsy. Never had you realized that it was an endearing laugh, one that pointed to the fact that he likes you.
And it's not that you don't like him. You love Jay so, so much. But this, this is something you don't know if you can come back from. Do you have feelings for him? Not really...you're just horny. Do you have feelings for Sunghoon? You can't say that you do. But this...meant something to Jay.
He can never find out that you'd never spared him a sexual glance or thought before this. You can't bring yourself to lose that laugh in your ear right now.
"So, you liked it?" He asks now, which only makes your heart rattle even more because of course he's seeking reassurance right now.
"Are you kidding?!" You try to play it off like a joke, trying not to attach yourself to the emotions he gives to you. "I came like three times Jay, holy shit."
You feel him shrug behind you, as if he's proud.
"What? You thought I couldn't do it?"
It's not that you never thought he could do it, it's just that...you've never thought about it all.
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