#because i'll start the semester again :(
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#build your blorbo ⟿ mike wheeler ◦ born: 04.07.1971 ✧ insp. ✧
#byler#mike wheeler#usergif#userblorbo#mine#mine:gif#once again: inspired by analog media#i put so much effort#yk the crt screen effect#the little blur#the vhs distorsion#i really love this#like one of my favorite sets EVER#so i hope you'll like it as well#next sets will be MUCH MUCH easier#because i'll start the semester again :(
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why can't i have one birthday per school semester... i wanna throw a big party for myself more than once per academic year
#remind me once spring semester starts. send me an ask that tells me to do the wagon thing and not forget about the wagon thing#i want to do the wagon thing. i've decided. but in the meantime i need non-wagon-related halloween plans#i'm gonna go to ren fest again this year and bring out the loki costume again but i'll need on-campus shenanigans too...#possibly in the loki costume; possibly Not because i don't want to get the fishing-net cape snagged on anything LOL#shebbz shoutz
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...😭
#i've never had a job in my own field that i've liked as much as i've liked my current one#the semester is ending soon and today i heard my contract will not be renewed bc the person i'm substituting will return to work after all#i've been feeling so tired and a bit poorly after the nokia arena show and i probably should have called in sick today#as i was absolutely useless today#and then after my only class today my students came to me with a gift?? 😭#a pink enamel moomin mug and some chocolate and a paper on which they had written nice things about me + a drawing of a dachshund 😭#and i burst to tears right there in front of them because i was so touched (and also because i'm just really really tired and emotional)#i'm so tired about having to apply for new jobs and having to start all over again#i'm so tired of having to do shitty short-notice substitutions again#i feel like i deserve better than that but on the other hand i fee like life's giving me exactly what i deserve and maybe this is it#i'm dreading the summer because idk if i'll have a job to go to in the autumn#and even if i did find something it won't be like the job i have now#also. it's may day eve and the weather's lovely#and i'm hiding in my apartment with the curtains closed so i won't see all the people going out and having fun with their friends#for me may day eve has never been like that. i've always felt so very excluded from those celebrations#on top of that i got yelled at by a bus driver and i'm the worst friend that ever existed#i'm trying to quit on whining about my sad little life but it gets so lonely#please know i'm not writing this for attention or pity. i know y'all have problems of your own and i'm just being a dramatic crybaby
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You know what? I give up on this paper once and for all. I'm not even ashamed anymore
#okay I'm a little ashamed#it's another 5 points i have to catch up with next semester#but it's making me want to kill myself and i don't even know if the professor would still accept it#(the original deadline was in October. i got an official extension until November. i guess it'd be just rude#to ask if it was still okay to send it#especially since i haven't done any substantial work on it#it's just bad. i hate the topic. i hate the way the professor views the subject 'language and emotion'#so that i cannot write what i want but would have to tailor it towards her views because otherwise I'd fail#and also i cannot write in german. i simply can not do it. )#it's better to move on and focus on my last paper for last semester (official deadline is end of March#so I'm not behind for once)#and i should do the assignments for a module i should have finished 1 year ago#so i don't have to do that next semester#and i should start studying korean again so i don't make a complete fool of myself next semester#I have my first day of work in 2 weeks so I'll also have to focus on working (for money) from there on#I've been paralyzed by the thought of having to write this paper for way too long#the professor is not my boss anymore (i still have to work off some hours though) and even if she was#I'm so done being ashamed of myself for not being able to do certain things#i wanna give it my best from now on but not for this paper. it's done.#void screams
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help i keep planning my move trip to thailand. like a delusional person
#the problem is that i'm convinced i'll go there???#because my brain is straight up like what's stopping you#MONEY??? MAYBE??????#TIME??? MAYBE??#and my brain goes yea but you're actually good at saving no matter how much you complain that you aren't :')#and granted i CAN work it out with my uni for a semester there#see??? i am completely delusional#i am BUDGETING#mentally i am packing my suitcase#ideally i'd go in winter but i have exams#i could do february (vacations) march and april though#then i come back i have may to study for exams again and it all works out#you know i don't think i was told no enough as a child#(that's a lie. i was told no enough. however my mother also raised me to believe that i can do anything (within reason) if i really want it)#tea's ramblings#ignore me i'm just the moves countries and immediately starts looking for a different country to move to person. clearly
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okay one of my flatmates is really fucking starting to piss me off lmao
#i am away for. Four days.#i come back. 10 pm. the shared compost bin i washed and left to dry in the rack the day before i left is still where i put it. instead of#moving it (Extremely Simple Fucking Action) she has chosen to dry her dishes by balancing them on the rim of the sink. the sink itself has#food scraps in it. jars with bits of food still in are standing on the counter and i know from experience i'll snap and bring those#to the recycling bins before she does. i start scrubbing things because leaving My Kitchen unclean upsets me on a molecular level and she#walks by and all she says is a grunted hello#and i could tolerate this ALL FINE i could think ah she's just busy probably! but when other flatmate (beloved) and i attempted to initiate#a chore chart system so that kitchen and bathroom get regularly and properly cleaned#at the end of the month she was like well i hate kitchen duty because i don't think i should have to clean up your messes. i cleaned the#kitchen once this month and an hour later it was dirty again. woman 1. sorry for fucking using the kitchen 2. you cleaned the kitchen ONCE?#in a MONTH? 3. you did not fucking clean up our messes. i know for a fucking fact i was putting away your dishes on a daily basis i would#looove to know what the fuck you considered cleaning up my mess#anyway. long story short thank fucking christ she's moving out at the end of spring semester otherwise i'd snap and write her a very#pettily snide whatsapp message
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have officially hit the point where i kinda wish people i would like to call friends drifting away for the millionth time in a row actually WAS personal so that then i wouldnt feel so fucking stupid for getting so upset about it every time
#dont read this its just for me#shoutout to every single one of my goddamn roommates not telling me they weren't planning on living on campus next semester til just now ✌#housing applications start next week . thanks guys#it'll be the same drill as every other friend i have had forever i can already tell#we wont have school keeping us seeing each other every day but say we'll hang out when we have time and then never speak again 👍#maybe thats too pessimistic but its always the fucking same. as in there is not one person i have called a friend that hasnt done that 😁#it already happened over winter break anyway#but of course this time its right when im finally opening up about the shit i genuinely enjoy for the first time in my life#actually beyond the most surface level “yeah i write fanfiction and draw undertale fanart” bs and keep everything else to myself#because for the first time ever it feels like someone actually halfway gives a fuck#and im just supposed to be normal about this information now. alright!#i'll just go back to writing my essay about how isolating my home growing up was. thats fine#i can get new roommates i can make new friends but im so sick of restarting. i dont want to fucking do this anymore
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I can't sleep and I'm terrified about my future
#I'll give only two exams this semester and that means I'm going to give four exams the next semester#I'm not going to cry over the decision I've made#it's irrevocable now . done#but I'm scared because i have to prepare a thesis for November#and im afraid I won't be able to do so if my exams ends in july#i haven't written something since high school#im afraid I've forgotten how#i don't know if ill manage to write a thesis for November when my exams ends in july and in September classes will start again#im terrified#why. why. my first two years have been so fucking good#why do I have problems now??#now everything should go smoothly and instead it doesn't#im fucking scared#because frankly.. what do I have apart from this?#nothing#and the worst thing is that im not even that good#I can't remember a single thing about the exam im preparing#I'm scared and tired and I want to sleep and im angry amd disgusted by myself and my laziness#now ill try to sleep#i need to wake up early to study these past few days have been so unproductive they make me want to throw up#ill see if tomorrow ill be better#but of course I will#I always forget about my problems during the day#personal#university things
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hi i wanted to leave message for you because your pinned post wording scared me for a long time thinking im not allowed here because use mogai + and ace and things. sounded like not allowed? many / and _ make reading hard for some disabled people sorry
Oh hell sorry
No yeah the people who get blocked are people who are against microlabels and aro/ace inclusion.
We here are in favor of microlabels and aspec people and gender nonconformity (including pronouns) and whatnot. Meaning you're fine
#I've got to clean that thing up sometime#I'm just. very busy and low spoons#not sure when I last updated anybody on this but ?#well in the late summer I'd decided to take the year off from school to focus on therapy. so I did#that was until November when I found out my fucking school is closing. like no longer holding classes after this December#well shit woulda been really sexy t know that before i took a medical leave I would've just toughed it#out#because I was set to graduate this May but I fucking digress#so I came back for this semester and will have to take the summer semester and I'll be done#but so I'm back in school now much sooner than I wanted to be and yeah. I'm not successful in the academic setting#I was successful actually in my fast food job setting (before they closed the store and told us NIGHT OF. FINAL NIGHT NEVER OPENING AGAIN 😍)#and yeah it's stressful. started last week and the syllabi are just. so daunting I'm not ready for this I wasn't ready for this#I wanna be back in that shitass kurger 🅱️ing kitchen with my autism babie friend I made while working there that's it ):#anyways time for the real tags#dammit i keep forgetting to make and use an ask tag#not rats but worth sharing
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this. is the second time. my roommates throw a party without telling me beforehand. not even a fucking text. Like with my uni shit needing to be done until monday evening i would have appreciated a little warning to go literally anywhere that isn't here yknow to fucking get decent sleep TWO NIGHTS BEFORE MY DEADLINE
#if you hear about a massacre among 'students' (loosely put because none of these people are actually studying) i have an alibi#i will admit. i barely talk to them when i have a busy time (so just like a hi and no conversation when we meet) but a text wouldve been fun#i absolutely hate these people#alao the way they think their parties are good when it's a bunch of people in their mid 20s listening to 2012 charts music and drinking beer#embarrassing for them#i dont want to deal with moving again when I have to move again after next semesters but i am thinking of setting the flat on fire#and again it definitely is my fault too because i dont talk to them much but it's mostly because i have friends and i dont spend my#entire day at home not writing my bachelors thesis and listening to k*nye#and all that for a mid party with beer as the only alcohol and katy perry roar in the background#istg I'll start blasting music at 6:30 when i wake up n see how they like it
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I feel so stupid crying over this but i just feel like the biggest idiot in the world
#i spend all my days studying all my goddamn days since OCTOBER#the closest i got to going out was when i'd go get drinks after lectures EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE#i went out with company ONCE. ONE WEEKEND. O N E#and i really AM the idiot bc it's just me#all my other friends have lives and free time#everyone i know is always out always going somewhere hanging out with someone#everyone i know on here is able to work on their hobbies all year round#the way i work like a fucking mule you'd think i'm studying medicine or something#else that guarantees a well-paid job but no. i'm in fucking language studies.#i work like a mule with all my breaks leaving me so exhausted that all i can do is scroll or just rest#and then i DON'T EVEN PASS????????#AND THEN EVEN MY SUMMER ''BREAK'' WILL BE SPENT STUDYING SOMETHING#I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW BETTER I COULD STUDY#AND EVEN THEN I'LL HAVE LIKE SIX GODDAMN WEEKS#and then what? another year starts and once again study all day have no time for myself#and because i'm stupid i'll do this for God knows how long#five years at minimum. but that's if i pass everything on time#i failed this exam but it's not a prerequisite for 3rd term only 4th term subjects#but lit is a prerequisite. if i fail this exam i'm already setting myself back an entire semester#and for what? i'm literally wasting my time#i'll be dead in 60 years if i don't raise a hand against myself sooner#i spent 20 years doing fucking nothing that i wanted to do#even during breaks it was everything my parents expected of me#God#and now i can't even go to sleep bc i'm too busy being a pussy bitch and crying about this#and i have to be up in 7½ hours yayyyyy
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i think i'll be okay with having this blog just be somewhere to shout into the void. i kinda miss interacting online, and interacting in person always feels... idk, it feels bad and i don't really like it, but i think i'm okay with just shouting into the void
#in person interactions are too risky#like.... i made friends about a year ago now in genetjcs#stayed in contact with a few of them but now one doesn't show up to class and idk what happened to him#(last time he dropped a course we were in together but caught me before the class to tell me)#(it was because i am very predictable and it was an 8am lecture so i always went to tim hortons to get a tea and breakfast before class)#another friend just changed her major into my major actually so she's got a bit of catching up to do#and she's got a lot of repeats too so while i'm almost done with my lower division requirements#she's still working on them#and idk any new friends i make are either not in my major or they just kinda want to talk to me because i help#i'm getting so frustrated with being asked for help#especially without warning bc like i was getting texts when i was in a really bad mental state#abt the lab exam and i was just like 'look. i can't help you rn. i'm freaking out'#and i feel so terrible about it but i don't want to start snapping at people!!!!!!#i'm. not looking forward to next semester i really dont want to take ochem 2#(i have to take it. iirc it's a requirement for another course i need to graduate)#(and it won't be offered again until next spring at the earliest which i might be using for a work term)#(idk yet i'll have to wait and see if they're actually planning to find more HSCI jobs)
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I've been talking about this with literally everyone I know because I'm incapable of deciding but I can't decide what I'm gonna do for study abroad ACK
#like#my school has an agreement with another one and the forms for that are due on the 5th#and I didn't plan on going because it's right where I live and why would I go home?#but things have actually been pretty good at home and with my family and I feel mentally stable enough to be in my hometown#but for a whole semester? potentially#although I was getting testy after just a month but I was surrounded by and only saw my family and if I study here I'd be on campus w/frien#however since freshmen year of high school I've been wanting to go to Korea and learn Korean and learn about Korean culture#and this would be the perfect time to do this because when else am I gonna be able to dedicate time to just go to Korea and learn Korean?#like when else will I 'have' the money or the time to do this? it would feel like a shot in the foot to not go now#and also I rearranged my schedule and even ended up overloading last semester to get into the singular Korean spot that opened last minute#and I was so excited and i would tell everyone that I was going#but I went home and started thinking about the college back home and it has a lot more I could do academically than at my own university#and so now both are pretty good options#and I kinda wanna vomit sorta kinda not really#I think I can fill out the form and then take a few more months to think about it because I don't have to pay the deposit until end of june#but I'm also worried about what if I sign it and then am unable to back out and then I regret it and then I have to spend a whole semester#at this university back home in my hometown close to everyone and everything#and again it'd be good acadmically but I'm really terrified about if I'll regret not going to Korea#usually I'll make a decision and then think through if I regret it or not so hopefully something similar will happen here#but I'm also prone to regret even when I stand on my decisions so I'm unsure how to really tell what I'm thinking#I've been making lists and all of what I wrote here is on there plus some more#you guys I can't do this :(
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WATT AU where everything is the same except instead of a cheerleading sleepover they’re just working on a group project for school. I think more people would end up dead than in canon tbh
#can you tell i have to do a group project for one of my classes and i am not having a great time#yes riley is my favorite character and most relatable but don't worry about everyone in my group okay#but oh. my goodness gracious. gosh darn golly. if i have to start conversations and ask questions in the group chat first again again#i am going to snap. this will be inevitable#not to mention i lowkey have had a crush on someone in my group the whole semester. it's not helping#but who knows maybe this whole thing will turn out great because like riley i am too much of a micromanager and have too much pride to fail#we are the tigers#anyways back to the main point of this post. i don't think in this au chess would die first because she does care about her grades#but unfortunately farrah is definitely going to die because of her unmedicated adhd and her bringing open water bottles to the library#and ends up getting water everywhere including on the pages of the library books#cairo does not care about this assignment at all but she'll help riley with it to keep her gpa up#clark shows up and no one knows why he's there but thankfully he brought snacks and provides moral support and knowledge on the topic#that's all i got so far lol idk if i'll do anything with this i am just. projecting as always but just more literally than normal
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x
#the longer this strike continues#the less eager i am to go back to uni#but it's probably not going to last long#but i just#i'm so tired#this semester is not doing it for me i guess#now i'm behind stuff bc i didn't do anything i could've done with this time ~off~#but my head is already anticipating the future when i'll start workiing more hours#and it's eating me up not knowing when that will be#so i'm just trying to soak up all the ~free~ time i have#because soon i'll have none#it's uuuuugh#i'm so frustrated#whenever i start to feel better something happens that drags me back to being in that awful headspace again#this year has been a fucking roller coaster#i just want my life to feel normal for once#personal x
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Wrong brother ― P.JS & P.SH
anonymous requested: jayhoon with “fucking the wrong brother” trope 😵💫
wc: 1.8k
tags: sunghoon is a fuckboy on campus but you don't know it. you accidentally send your nudes to jay instead of his brother sunghoon and well....WELL, sexting, actual fucking but it's alluded to, second-hand embarrassment. NOT PROOF READ.
"Just friends" only goes so far when you've been pining something fierce for the past three semesters for a very specific kind of dicking down.
By specific, you mean Sunghoon. You want Sunghoon to dick you down so fucking bad by this point that you think you're going crazy.
The thing is, you've been friends with him and his brother, Jay, since you started college. The three of you kind of clinged to each other because you at least recognized one another (from your hometown) on this vast campus that is filled with strangers and people already within respective groups.
The three of you made your own respective friend group.
Over the semesters, you never really thought about either of them in a sexual light until Sunghoon did something one day that ignited a little bit of something in you. Maybe it's the way he looked at you that night, all drunken and woozy with drooping eyes and your image melting you into his surroundings. Or maybe it's the way he didn't seem to mind that you walked in on that, witnessing him literally choke a girl out on his cock mid-party in an unlocked bathroom.
It's the way all three of you were gonna blow off this party and just hang out together again. It's the way all three of you ended up admitting that you low-key wanted to experience a college party every now and then. It's the way he refuses to talk about what you saw, but knows damn well you want to mock him for it.
Mocking him in a way that would make him talk about it. If only so you can ask why he looked at you like that, with his half-smirk and quick raise of the brows as if to fucking invite you to join.
You made a point not to tell Jay about this because you knew he'd never let Sunghoon live it down, and quite frankly, you want him to live it down. With you, specifically.
This leads to today. So long after you witnessed Sunghoon mid-sexual light, it was hard to see him the way you used to. The way he held her head down even when someone walked in...the way you saw a glimpse of him moaning, half-talking to her when you opened the door.
Is it so wrong that you feel Sunghoon, the shy, beloved, and sweet Sunghoon, has a bit of a mean streak if his dick is hard? Is it really, so fucking horrible for you to kinda, be like, you know, turned the fuck on by it?
It's gotten to the point that the few friends you do have outside of your little circle has gotten fucking sick of hearing about him.
"Just fucking send him a nude, god." One of your friends gripes with a roll of her eyes. "We're in college, he's probably down to fuck if you are!"
You roll your eyes right back at her, snarling a bit as you lean in closer, whispering now.
"He's like, my best friend. Don't you think it's weird that I can't stop thinking about the way he like...basically treated some girl's face like a pocket pussy?"
"No. The dude is hot, anyone would wanna partake in-"
"I can't just fucking roll up like 'Hey hoonie, nice cock, i think. I don't know, i couldn't see it because you had it buried into some girl and I really want to see what it looks like and also i really want you to do that to me just to see what it's like maybe hahahahha"
"You can literally do that." You friend says, fed up. "Again, just snap a nude to him and send it. Just immediately apologize and beg him not to look at it. Pretend it's an accident."
You stare at her, feeling your phone burn in your pocket at the idea.
"I'll text you and tell you what happens." You say suddenly, wiping your hands clean from the crumbs of your snack and walking away without another word.
You don't hear her, but your friend cheers you on with another roll of her eyes. She doesn't actually care because, well, it's Sunghoon. She's actually a little bit shocked that word hasn't gotten around to you. The dude is actually very, very well known with the ladies on campus.
Any lady.
All ladies.
Except you, apparently.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Mortified.
You are fucking mortified. Here you were, dressed in your best (absolutely nothing) with your fingers still grazing your clit as you stare in horror at your phone.
You really did that. You sent the fucking newly taken photo and immediately apologized. Hell, you even closed your phone for a minute out of anxiety that approaching Sunghoon this way was a bad idea...
You phone went off just a few seconds after you turned it off. Just a text from Jay, no biggie, probably just wondering what you're up to.
You were literally still playing with your clit when you opened his text without much care. He shouldn't find out you're making a move on Sunghoon anyway, right?
Well, yeah. He'll never find out because that fucking move you made wasn't on Sunghoon at all. The way your stomach flips upon opening his texts only to find that fucking picture of your open, wet, fingered pussy right there above your quick apology... and then right below that is Jay's texts reading:
Jay: was that really an accident?
Jay: figured you'd have called to tell me to not look at it if you actually were sorry
Jay: i'd know if you had someone to send something like that to anyway
Fuckkkkk why'd you have to be so bold to send something so graphic?! It's so out of character for you, even if you did send it to the right person to begin with. You really are going fucking crazy.
You: um...it was an accident, really...
Jay: you don't seem too apologetic for sending it to me
Jay: "sorry, that wasnt for you. pls delete lol"
Jay:....you sure it wasn't for me?
Jay: sounds like you meant to send that...
This is...embarrassing. Jay, fucking Jay of all people is stroking his fucking ego right now. Thinking this is for him, that you want him. Which, i mean, that's surprising because he acts so uninterested in sex when you're around him. Like you've never even seen him stare at a girl for too long or admit to you, or his brother, that he wants to start dating. Yet here he is??? Talking to you like this?
You don't even know how to respond to him when you get another text. A fucking image.
Of his cock.
That's Jay's cock on your phone. Right there. Jesus.
Jay: oops, lol, didn't mean to send that.
You pause, barely able to tear your eyes away from how fat that thing is before you respond in an annoyed, text-tone.
You: are you fucking mocking me?
Jay: depends, are you into that kind of thing?
What the fuck is happening right now? Is this really Jay? Is this how he acts? What is with you and your best friends ending up acting...so interesting when a pussy is around?
You: what's it to you?
Jay: you literally just showed me how deep your fingers can go in your pussy, it's everything to me right now
Why...did you just tingle? Why did your fucking clit throb at that? This is Jay. Then again, you had the same shock when you witnessed Sunghoon that night. Still, should you really play into this? Should you really lead Jay on out of pure arousal and curiosity and forget about your plan with Sunghoon?
You'd look so bad if Jay found out now that you plan to do the same shit to Sunghoon. Ugh, you feel like a total slut.
You: jay, it was an accident.
Jay: fuck off with that, no it wasnt. besides, i liked it. send more
You sigh, slapping yourself on the forehead out of pure embarrassment but god. Are you really about to do this? Are you really snapping more pictures right now?
Yeah. You fucking are. And you send them just as easily as you did the first time, allowing your clit to think for you at this moment rather than worry about the consequences of this.
Jay: fuck, i can't believe you're doing this right now, prettier than i imaged
Jay: jerked off to you so much last semester, was starting to think i need to find someone else to chase
Jay: [image attachment]
The whiplash you're getting right now. Jay...has been into you?! Since fucking when?!?! and, god, fuuuuck, why is he so big? Why is Sunghoon at the back of your mind right now? Why the fuck are you rubbing your clit harder for this?
Jay: well?
You: i feel weird about this
Jay: just give it a few, keep doing that, keep showing me.
And well, you do. Solely out of curiosity. You keep snapping pictures, showing him a personal timeline of how wet you're getting before you get another text from him. Finally, after about ten minutes of silence.
Jay: open your door
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Silence. Utter fucking silence as you lay next to Jay with his heavy limbs thrown over you. Despite the heaviness of your breathing paired with his, your ears are ringing.
How did he do that?!
When did he learn how to fuck like that?
What the actual fuck is happening?!
"Jay..." You half-whisper out to him, breath still struggling to balance out.
"Hm?" He hums back, his arms pulling you in, pressing your back to his chest as he ghosts his lips next to your ear. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I just-" You decide not to tell him about how this was accidental. "I'm shocked, that's all."
For some reason, the laugh he lets out fills your heart. It's the same, genuine, laugh he lends to you when you do something clumsy. Never had you realized that it was an endearing laugh, one that pointed to the fact that he likes you.
And it's not that you don't like him. You love Jay so, so much. But this, this is something you don't know if you can come back from. Do you have feelings for him? Not really...you're just horny. Do you have feelings for Sunghoon? You can't say that you do. But this...meant something to Jay.
He can never find out that you'd never spared him a sexual glance or thought before this. You can't bring yourself to lose that laugh in your ear right now.
"So, you liked it?" He asks now, which only makes your heart rattle even more because of course he's seeking reassurance right now.
"Are you kidding?!" You try to play it off like a joke, trying not to attach yourself to the emotions he gives to you. "I came like three times Jay, holy shit."
You feel him shrug behind you, as if he's proud.
"What? You thought I couldn't do it?"
It's not that you never thought he could do it, it's just that...you've never thought about it all.
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