#i am away for. Four days.
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okay one of my flatmates is really fucking starting to piss me off lmao
#i am away for. Four days.#i come back. 10 pm. the shared compost bin i washed and left to dry in the rack the day before i left is still where i put it. instead of#moving it (Extremely Simple Fucking Action) she has chosen to dry her dishes by balancing them on the rim of the sink. the sink itself has#food scraps in it. jars with bits of food still in are standing on the counter and i know from experience i'll snap and bring those#to the recycling bins before she does. i start scrubbing things because leaving My Kitchen unclean upsets me on a molecular level and she#walks by and all she says is a grunted hello#and i could tolerate this ALL FINE i could think ah she's just busy probably! but when other flatmate (beloved) and i attempted to initiate#a chore chart system so that kitchen and bathroom get regularly and properly cleaned#at the end of the month she was like well i hate kitchen duty because i don't think i should have to clean up your messes. i cleaned the#kitchen once this month and an hour later it was dirty again. woman 1. sorry for fucking using the kitchen 2. you cleaned the kitchen ONCE?#in a MONTH? 3. you did not fucking clean up our messes. i know for a fucking fact i was putting away your dishes on a daily basis i would#looove to know what the fuck you considered cleaning up my mess#anyway. long story short thank fucking christ she's moving out at the end of spring semester otherwise i'd snap and write her a very#pettily snide whatsapp message
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*dreamy sigh* i am once again thinking about butch women
#i will continue to maintain that i don’t have a type#but i will also admit that no one makes me blush more than butch women😔#insane feat btw because i blush like it’s my job around women😔😔#one of the hottest experiences of my life that i think of FREQUENTLY#was a butch pet store employee passionately talking to me about fish tanks (i do not and did not have or plan to have fish)#that happened like four years ago and i still think about it SO often#i would die for her#butch women you are all so hot and out of my league and i am actually obsessed with you#god i hope every butch out there has a good day#i’d blow you all forehead kisses but you make me too shy sorry#for the full butch meeting me irl experience i am instead sending you mental enthralled glances when you aren’t looking#and running full speed away if we make eye contact <3
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qpr jean and neil. that's all i'm gonna say.
do you see my vision?
#i might add onto this later but right now I'm too busy crying#“misplaced forever partner” ARE YOU KIDDING ME THAT DESTROYED ME#neil ordering a hit to keep jean safe changed my brain chemistry#i need them to be friends#i need them to call each other and gossip and send each other stupid memes that only they understand#i need them to slowly grow closer as they heal until one day they can finish each other's sentences#and they ocassionally make super dark jokes about their trauma out of the blue (they bet on how people will react competitively)#i need them to call each other derogatory names but get Super Upset whenever anyone else talks shit about the other and offer to kill them#and i would love them to reclaim the spots next to each other that riko set#and make them their own#they're not partners on the court but they sure as hell are partners in life#the mcs ever#at one point andrew and jeremy are just looking at each other across a table at a restaurant as these two bicker#and realize they have somehow both become the Third Wheel despite the fact that 1) there's four of them and 2) jean and neil aren't dating#the amount of queer platonic pining i could fit in these traumatized people#the: “i'm lowkey obsessed with you but I Really don't like you romantically and I don't know what to do with it”#and the: “oh thank hell me too i thought i was even weirder than i already am. wanna go harass the fbi with me?"#jeremy and andrew watch this trainwreck both exasperatedly and proudly you can't convince me otherwise#cannot convince me that these four won't somehow end up living in each others pockets even if they live 1000 miles away#kevin pops in frequently as his usual wonderful diva self#anyway i'm going insane how yall doing#neil josten#jean moreau#all for the game#the sunshine court
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I really appreciate all of you who have stuck it out with me when I have to go quiet for a while to take care of myself 💞 It doesn't go unnoticed, I promise.
#in a perfect world my life would not continuously be falling apart around me#and i could devote significantly more time to interacting with more people than just my closest group of four#because i would love that. like i sincerely seriously would love to get closer to so many other people#but it has not been in the cards for a while now and trust me when i say the guilt is always biting at me about it#but guilt doesn't make me stop being disabled and impoverished and working six days a week just to survive#it doesn't fix my wife's or my metamour's mental health and their need to lean on me for significant support sometimes#so for those of you who have been incredibly patient you have no idea how grateful i am#it will never be forgotten#my ramblings#[EDIT] obligatory panic edit to say that i also respect everyone who has chosen to step away from me#sometimes things just don't work out#sometimes people are just not complementary#you do you and i'll do me and we'll both have a fantastic time in our respective sandboxes and there is nothing wrong with that
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TOALLOFYOUAMERICANGIRLSITSSADTOIMAGINEAWORLDWITHOUTYOUAMERICANGIRLSIDLIKETOBEPARTOFTHEWORLDAROUNDYOUDRIVINGACARBYTHESEASODEWATCHINGTHEWORLDFROMTHEBRIGHTSIDE…yeahTOALLOFYOUAMERICANGIRLSINTHEMOVIESNOONECANTELLWHEREYOURHEARTISAMERICANGIRLSLIKEDOLLIESWITHSHINYSMILESANDPLASTICBODIESIWISHIHADANAMERICANGIRLFRIENDICRYSOMETIMESWALKINGAROUNDMYOWNPLACEWONDERINGWHYSHECRIESSOMETIMESTALKINGABOUTHEROWNPLACESOMEWHEREAROUNDTHEMOUNTAINSNOONECOULDDRYHERFOUNTAINTILSHEGOTTIREDTOCOMPLAINTHATSWHENIFLYTOTHEWILDLANDTOYOURLAND
#i am max caulfield btw#life is strange#max caulfield#to all of you#american girls#its sad to#imagine a world without you#american girls i’d like to#be part of the world#around you#driving a car#by the seaside#watching the world from the bright side#i wish i had an american girlfriend#october11?is this friday? that’s only four days away!
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woah it's been a while since i last checked in on mechanitor's message
...what do you mean there's four of them now
Four of them, and somehow, still not enough...
Don't miss your chance to vote in the FINAL Archonexus Away Team poll!
#asks#rimworld#gracie plays#A Mechanitor's Message#art#my art#traditional art#rimworld art#I think the corrupted obelisk is my favourite thing from the Anomaly DLC#I am enjoying my many Jones boys immensely#can never have too many cutie pies like this#but yeah I imagine it's a wild thing to come back to lmao#“Things are getting out of hand! Now there are... FOUR of them??”#Remember to vote for our last member of the Archonexus away team!#thanks for the ask!!#have a fabulous day!! xoxo
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call me britney bitch because oops i did it again
#IM SO SORRY AUGHSHDHAJDKSKS#i am once again going through some mental stuff that unfortunately has made me retreat. again.#and i quit smoking weed PERMANENTLY four days ago and my last living grandma died yesterday but#we weren’t close at all but it’s brought up so many feelings about my dad and i can’t cope by smoking weed so im actually losing it yall#ive been regularly smoking since i was 20 so to take weed away permanently has me feeling a complete array of emotions#and i cycle between being so proud of myself and feeling sart of like an evil porson#but anyway. all this to say im sorry for being gone. it’s not my choice 😭#I LOVE YOU and i hope you’re doing okay in this horrible fucked up world. i am still here!
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The real vibes are having Canva open on one tab to make mini-comics, Eureka on another tab, and a third tab for my Eureka timeline and fact doc.
Also extra tidbit! Eureka as a show only has 3 canon dates. Over five seasons. We have canon years but not canon dates (Time travel is in the show). The canon dates we have is October 3rd, 2006 + October 3rd, 2010, April 15th, 1947 + April 15th, 2010, and another one that I can't remember right now. The rest are implied or holiday episodes. So that is why I am making a timeline! Mainly for my fic and for me to figure out what is going on.
#read the tags trust me#my friend Sunny looked at me with shock in her eyes when i showed this to her at the Trunk-Or-Treat she invited me to#Sunny saw my google drive and said “oh wow.”#I also tried to convince her to join this dead fandom#I don't know if i convinced her but i got her friends interested#note Sunny never mentioned me to these people before yet I have heard of them before#this was also my first time meeting these people#I believe that she made the mistake of letting us meet#we bolted EPIC The Musical together#Sunny also convinced me to do karaoke with them#fun fact! despite knowing Sunny for over two years I have only met up with her four times in real life#Homeschoolers baby! We play Minecraft for hours on end over voice chat#we live 30 minutes away#these tags are longer then the post#this got away from me#why am i doing this#a timeline for a dead show#whyyyy#i might be going insane#i might have a problem#eureka#eureka tv show#a town called eureka#Just Another Day In Eureka AU#Discovery In Eureka AU
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Recent images I suppose ~
#First one is THE LONG series of GEESE that fly by!!! my aforementioned friends... Or I think I referenced them in tags of some post#days ago. and how I love watching them. See how many there are? And multiple of these will go by. It's like hundreds of them.#Then just the sky because I love the sky. My hair looking ridiculous as it always does when I brush it out of the four big braids I always#keep it in to keep it out of the way lol. I just find it silly how small it can be all braided up and then as soon as it is Released and#combed then it poofs into some sort of swamp dwelling wizard style.#Then... a daily word count... have been so busy the past week that I sadly haven't written much but I'm WORKING on it. Still on the blasted#'odd jobs' tasks sections which were SUPPOSED to be very quick and short. but.. alas.. Though I am on basically the last one. You go work#for one of the enchanting specialists in the city (very important in society since a majority of people cannot do that type of magic) and#basically he just works so much he has no time for a social life so he hires random people to sit with him in the afternoons doing menial#tasks. You show up thinking you'll help with some Important Job or something but hes just like 'no... peel this apple for me.. :)' lol#Edit note: arrgh just had to fish a slippery avocado pit out of a narrow garbage disposal drain with a chopstick. felt like some#sort of taskmaster challenge or something.. gods... I know some people just reach into them. I guess maybe#my hand would fit?? but... erm... scary. what about Sharp Things in there or something.. also Sludge of some sort perhaps.#ANWYAY.. interruption... I got up to go to the kitchen in the middle of typing my tags... lol..#Next image is SLEEPING boye.. And then PIGEONS!!!!!!!!!! my beloveds...#Oh then the giant evil hole in my bathroom ceiling which is STILL not fixed and the repair people still have to come back again.. BUT they#did have this terrible industrial dehumidifier thing they put in the bathroom and just left here for like 5 days and it was like a noisy#hairdryer going at all times and raised the heat in the bathroom from 65F to 76F in like two hours so.. I'm glad at least at their#last arrival they've finally taken it away.... the Noise Beast... silence in my house at last...#though I am still plagued by Mysterious Hole.. the plastic wrap rustles sometimes when I'm in there.... go away...#Ah. Then a delightful little lemon poppyseed muffin someone didn't want and then gave to me. Which was interesting since I haven't#had one in soooo long even though its like a very Classic Flavor.. I do quite like them though now that I've had one again. :0c#Lastly.. mushrooms. I think it's the mushroom season here. Everywhere you go outside there's some new manner of fungus#having popped up from nowhere. I like the variety of all their little shapes. These in particular have an interesting wispy curled layers#sort of look to them. Almost like a shaggy hairstyle that's curled up at the ends or something. They seem neat to draw perhaps.#Okay.. that is all.. I still have literally like 2 costumes and 12 outfits and I think 1 sculpture? to post.. but I am so busy this is#what I can manage for now I suppose lol... quick pictures that don't really take any sorting or cropping or editing lol#photo diary
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Yup, putting that down for worst Thanksgiving of my life.
#personal#next up: worst Christmas and New Year's of my life#this is what happens when both your grandpa and your aunt die less than 10 days apart in October#Grandma's house is eerily empty and all anyone wanted to do was talk about death while I sat there and dissociated in an effort to not cry#for four hours#then I got home and my mom is like what's wrong and I had to walk away to keep it together#because if I speak I will fucking break and I am so fucking tired of crying in front of other people this year#and crying in general really
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"We're old moms, we can't wait to stop breastfeeding so we can get [very excited, shrill even] botooooox!!!"
We are never making it out of the patriarchy.
#every time i open instagram i see videos promoting botox for the moment you turn 20 and face lifts and plastic surgery#and skincare regimens that are not care at all but just fifty products to torture your skin (and spend money!!)#the ties between the patriarchy and capitalism that support one another are terrifying.#but not even that . i feel like i'm going insane#how did we in this day and age normalise so much of this shit#what happened to feminism... why am i seeing a man who works as a plastic surgeon#talking about ''when a client walks in and i know EXACTLY what she needs to change so i am able to get her to#sign up for four more procedures asides from the one she came here for ^_^'' i'm going to kill you.#beat you with rocks. do you guys know botox is a bacteria? do you guys know about botulism?#you throw away a can of food because it's slightly dented so you don't die from botulism#but you inject it straight into your forehead because someone told you signs you#lived a long life full of expressing your emotions guilt-free was what made you ugly#the way i see influencers who will call themselves feminists talk about those wrinkle-free straws... don't sleep on your side#don't breathe wrong don't crease your eyebrows don't smile don't cry don't drink from straws#you're all fucking insane. and wrinkles are caused by your skin losing elasticity. you will STILL have wrinkles#if you live long enough that is (<- can you see why it's a blessing?)
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This is not going to become a biking blog. This is not going to become a biking blog
I got a bike
#I am really enjoying my bike#there is a bike trail maybe 5 minutes away (by bike)#and I bike down there#on my bike#runs along a lil stream and is smooth and quiet and full of trees and I am eager EVERY day to go back#I have been doing this for two days now#although tbf I did also spend about four days fixing the bike#by which I mean figuring out how to inflate the tires which is not that impressive but is a step up in terms of technical skills for me#this will not become a bike blog#but if people were interested... maybe I could share a video or two from my lil ride....
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Please please save me from work I Do Not Wanna so much
#i am not built for six days in a row!!!!#I am barely built for four days in a row!!#stop doing this to me!!!!#and it doesn't help that I keep staying up because this is the only quiet time I get away from the fricken store radio blasting#and now I only have four hours to sleep before more work#like frick#I don't wanna ._.#and also I need new shoes because oof ouch my ankles are Not supported so that makes the stretches without days off even worse!!#._. just leave me to sleep for like four days in bed please and thank you
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There's something about say doing a whole bunch of laundry or hand washing all your dishes after cooking a large meal when you're twenty that brings me this strange childlike joy and sense of accomplishment when I do it
It's like sure, I did this stuff prior to adulthood, but that was out of obedience to my mother. Now I am an adult living on my own and now I am doing these things because I have to for me and only me and have to willingly choose to do them
And it's like wow I did it I'm so grown up!
#its like yay i did it! then i can here my mother saying good now go do the four other things you need to do#because she is the type of person who is can't stop won't stop so like she doesn't often understand that for me doing even like one big#thing in the day its like it's the only thing on my mind because i have to like prepare myself to do it#i also am baffled when i see people in college who its their first time doing chores and shit#like it was expected for me to do this stuff as a kid and if my mom said to do something you do it right away#which makes my mom sound intense but like she wasn't super authoritarian in her parenting and she allowed for kvetching whining and trying#to negotiate given that you still did as told#also my mother's jewish and her job is contract negotiation so she is impossible to win an argument against#also from what i hear about gen alpha like damn they do not respect their parents like what the fuck#like its insane#also people getting money for doing household chores. my mom doesn't believe in rewarding someone for doing what is expected of them#but she periodically of course would give me money for stuff or buy me stuff so it works out#and like i know people complain about gen z's work ethic but my sisters and i have always been praised for ours#since doing your 110% and what you're expected to do and more was something taught to us early on. it's your duty to do so so you do it#nothing is for incentive#my mom has very high standards#idk why i felt like putting all of this in the tags#i guess since i was raised to give my 110% it makes tasks feel daunting and when theres no one to ensure i do them it takes a lot#of self motivation and since it feels so hard i guess its why it feels like when you're a kid and you're doing something for the first time#and you're not sure you can do it but you did and it's like yay!
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if I have to see one more cgi animal I'm ending it all
#i keep seeing clips from the new snow white and it looks like absolute ass#the dwarves are cgi too?????? literally just throw the whole movie away#i mean i wasn't interested in it in the first place because i am no longer four years old (used to force dad to listen to the soundtrack#in the car) but like it looks soooo bad why does everything look so bad these days#ban cgi i've seen ENOUGH#rayrambles
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