#because i honestly that serves as SUCH a dichotomy to the first thing's that i highlighted here and normally those thing's-

[mad-hunts]

✧

send me a ✧ and i’ll bold all that apply to your muse! (with italics as a 'sometimes' option because i'm a rule-breaker and things may depend on the situation).

i would kill you. ✧ i would physically hurt you. ✧ i would attack you unprovoked. ✧ i would manipulate you. ✧ i dislike you. ✧ you annoy me. ✧ you scare me. ✧ you intimidate me. ✧ i hope i intimidate you. ✧ i pity you. ✧ you disgust me. ✧ i hate you. ✧ i’m indifferent toward you. ✧ i’d like to get to know you better. ✧   i’d like to spend more time with you. ✧ i’d like to be friends with you. ✧  i’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ i’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ you are my friend. ✧ you are my best friend. ✧ you are my mentor. ✧ i look up to you. ✧ i respect you. ✧ you are my hero. ✧ you inspire me. ✧ you are my enemy. ✧ you make me happy. ✧ i want to protect you. ✧ i would fight by your side. ✧ i consider you an equal. ✧ i think you are beneath me. ✧ i think you are above me. ✧ i would lie for you. ✧ i would lie to you. ✧ i would sleep with you. ✧ i would sleep by your side. ✧ i would hug you. ✧ i would kiss you. ✧ you are family to me. ✧ i would die for you. ✧ i would kill for you. ✧ i would trust you with my life. ✧ i would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ i would trust you with a secret. ✧ i would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ i love you (platonically). ✧ i love you (romantically).

[whoishotteranimepolls]

hello, finn here, resident one piece "insane tag" writer.... im doing my duty to defend mr. smoker. smo-yan, if you will.

what are my credentials in commenting on this matter? Well. Glad you asked. I've been a onep fan for admittedly not that long, but in that time (like... 8-9 months?) i've messaged one of my close friends. hm. discord receipts.

681 times about him. also you know that one post? yeah from "smoker. smo-yan." to "i fucking love him good god" that's all me. glad we've established my expertise here

2. look at him. first of all, im raising my eyebrow at you anon because woahhhh looking 60 is fine for me. just perfect, actually. they grey/white hair is fucking wonderful to me personally considering i also love rayleigh and beckman.... also just like. every other part of him. he has huge boobs that he refuses to cover because he's allergic to shirts for some reason. he has leather gloves (would suck on any day). when also jacketless, he wears his jitte with a thick strap over his chest that is So droolworthy. he has a Fat Ass. search up stampede smoker because that's like his peak look. his face scar is endlessly sexy. the slicked back hair (more recently) and the more messy spiky look from earlier in the series both serve in contributing to his bad boy persona, which leads me to my second point: the dichotomy of personality.

3a. part a - the bad boy delinquent persona. if you only take him for his surface level actions and words, he seems a little bit mean. like every gruff, rough-around-the-edges mad dog delinquent type. just look at him as a marine cadet, head shaved and frowning. look at the illustration oda did of him as a kid, holding a nail-imbedded bat. he's loud and brash and commands a whole marine squad, he's big and always has a frown on his face and he's arguing and cursing and you just expect him to be unkind. but. But.

3b. But he's not. he's not unkind at all. He's not nice, maybe, but he's so kind. when tashigi has her crisis about justice vs the marines vs "doing the right thing" are often, actually, at odds with each other, smoker supports her in his own gruff way. tells her he'll be there to support her. and. the scene of all time;

4. la pièce de résistance - his character introduction. oda does character introduction SO well in general (see: mihawk, zoro, galley-la shipwrights, countless others) but the smoker intro is my top intro of all time, it's SO good. to recount to those who don't know, we basically see this big scary gruff guy - shirtless, obviously strong, all spiky hair and big stompy boots - and a kid bumps into him and spills their ice cream all over him. He obviously has a reputation as a powerful guy, because the villiagers around all beg him for forgiveness, ask him not to hurt the kid - and yknow what he does? He says to the kid "looks like my pants ate your ice cream," drops a few coin into their hand, and tells them to buy more scoops next time. that's the most attractive thing i've ever seen. he does masculinity like NO other. gods.

5. strong moral compass - doesn't often agree with general marine guidelines. he's pretty shit at being a marine, honestly. tells the brass to go fuck themselves often. follows his own sense of justice, and even though he hates pirates.... temporarily allying himself with them is not off the table, not if it means more justice (in his eyes). he doesn't like innocent people being killed. in stampede, even as everyone attempts to leave the island in light for abuster call, he stays because there must be something he can do. hina sighs and calls him stupid for it, but takes tashigi koby and helmeppo away anyways, showing that this has happened before, likely multiple times.

6. can he stub those cigars out on me. please. please. plea- [comically large piano falls on me, cutting off my speech]

For context, they are responding to this post about Smoker

It's always the last paragraph that pushes it into horny jail territory every time

And he does have one of the best intros. I hope they keep it in the live action

[murfpersonalblog]

The Babygirlification of the Modern Vampire - marinashutup

The first half is mostly just her love of Baldur’s Gate 3′s Astarion, and Twilight’s Edward Cullen; but she actually starts cooking in the last ~15 minutes, about major themes about vampires & vampirism in general; and why audiences relate to monsters so much:

Toxic cycles of abuse & vampire guilt (30:58 - 32:56)

Considering the vampire cycle of abuse, is it really any wonder that so many vampires are angsty brooding and hate themselves? 

“This is the skin of a killer, Bella!” (Edward Cullen)

The overwhelming desire to drain innocent victims -like Elon Musk drains Diet Coke cans and Twitter's net worth aside--vampires are basically groomed into believing they need to be sadistic, unempathetic, tyrannical monsters. Sure, monsters don't have a lot of say in their nature, but the culture of  enslaving, torturing, and brainwashing certainly doesn't help.

This is also making me think a lot about the way that artificial family dynamics are replicated within vampire lore.

Cazador is described as the patriarch of his coven, and he repeatedly calls his Spawn his children. He uses infantilizing language, referring to Astarion--a 239 year-old man--as “boy” and “child.” The Zar family is also a literal family lineage of vampires, and there's a whole side story where you learn that Cazador turned his own niece at the age of 13 without her consent. Incidentally, she was kind of a bada** because she rejected the whole creepy family cult thing, changed her name, and refused to ever leave her room. Honestly, Queen Sh*t. 

In real life toxic family dynamics, abusive parental figures often think of their abuse as serving a greater good. In the minds of many abusers, corporal punishment functions as a way to correct perceived mistakes and reinforce desired behavior in victims. The schemas passed down from vampire Masters to their spawn are inherently rooted in a cycle of abuse. 

In vampire mythology, including Dracula, Interview with the Vampire, and Buffy, vampire lineage often requires that all vampires are both victim and predator. The original trauma of being preyed upon by a monster who has power over them, viciously attacked and turned against their will, is part of a cycle of violence that gets repeated every time a vampire feeds or creates another vampire. In many of these narratives, the dichotomy of vampire-versus-prey / Master-versus-Spawn mirrors the abuser-victim dynamic.

The Role of Choice (35:43 - 38:17)

The role of choice is the primary theme running throughout Baldurs Gate 3, but it's also a major recurring concept within vampire narratives. 

In Twilight, Bella spends three and a half long-winded books begging Edward to turn her, to allow her to exercise her choice, and become a vampire--and he just keeps edging her. There's a lot to be said about Bella's motivations for this, and whether or not her desire is valid or rooted in a teen girl's struggle with identity. The books don't really grapple with the weight of that choice in a satisfying or intellectually curious way, but it's undeniably a substantial part of the text. 

In Interview with the Vampire [the 1994 movie], after mortally wounding Louis, Lestat presents him with the choice he never had--

“I'm going to give you the choice...I never had.” (Lestat, IWTV 1994)

But the so-called “choice” that Lestat offers his targets isn't really a choice at all. Mortally wounding someone, and then offering them the option to become a vampire or die is a false dichotomy of choice, that Lestat manufactured to suit his own needs: 

"If I leave you here...you die.” (Lestat, IWTV 1994)

Like, sir!? Have you ever considered the third option of NOT bringing your targets right up to the point of death, and instead simply letting them go?! 

He targets Louis because he knows he's emotionally vulnerable. Louis’ grieving the loss of his wife and daughter, behaves recklessly because he actively wants to unalive himself. He begs for death, but when the moment comes, he hesitates.

"Have you tasted it enough?” (Lestat, IWTV 1994)

Lestat promises that the gift of Darkness will rid him of pain and grief, and Louis agrees, but only reluctantly.

When Astarion first meets Cazador, his experience mirrors Louis. He's similarly bleeding to death when he's given the option to die or become a vampire; a choice he references with a degree of sarcasm:

"Eternal life, or bleed to death on the street!” (Astarion, BG3)

Cazador also leaves out some pretty major details about the consequences of being a vampire spawn, and it's doubtful Astarion would have actually consented to being turned had he been informed of them. I think it's also pretty clear in the way that Astarion talks about his experience that the process of being turned was a major source of trauma for him, and not something that he would choose a second time.

"I don't want to turn into anything else.” (Astarion, BG3)

I think it's also clear in the language he uses to describe his experience that he does not enjoy being a vampire. He pathologizes vampirism with medical euphemisms, describing it as a “condition,” “complication,” and “affliction.” 

Even Cazador himself seems to struggle with the monster he eventually became. If you use Detect Thoughts while Cazador is asleep in his coffin, his thoughts betray an eerie internal monologue.

Abuse Survivors vs Abuse Perpetuators (42:19 - end)

Some survivors of parental abuse unconsciously replicate the same behaviors and ideals from their own abusers. That's why you sometimes see generational trauma pass down within families, from abusive parents to their children, to their children's children.

Astarion's romantic relationship with the player also morphs into this weird power dynamic thing--and, like, I get it, I get it! You can actually have him turn Tav into a vampire spawn. But it's pretty clear that he will then start thinking of you [Tav] as a subordinate.... 

But mirroring his transformation from human to spawn, Astarion's Ascension fundamentally changes who he is as a person--

"Something tells me he's not the same person we knew.” (Karlach, BG3) 

And what I think is so interesting about Baldur’s Gate 3 is that it presents players with the complicated choice between persuading Astarion from making a decision that would clearly damage his progress healing from abuse, and letting him make his own quote unquote choice to Ascend. 

To me, persuading Astarion NOT to go through with the ritual and save the imprisoned Spawn is an essential step in the character's healing journey. Instead of rooting his aspirations in the twisted ideals that Cazador and the vampires before him glorified, this decision shifts how Astarion views himself, and who he identifies with. Truly seeing and valuing the Spawn’s humanity is Astarion choosing to identify with Cazador's other victims and honor the humanity within himself by aligning himself with the Spawn. It means he too is a survivor worth saving. It means choosing to be better than Cazador-- choosing to form his own identity, and choosing to break the centuries-long vampire cycle of abuse. And that's really powerful. 

But of course, you can also choose to let your pansexual elf boyfriend double down on becoming a toxic Alpha Vampire Who Wants to Rule the World. Some players actually prefer letting Astarion Ascend, and live out his fantasy as a kinky vampire Top, creating a polycule of Spawn Submissives.

In Baldur’s Gate 3, you can make whatever choice you want. That's kind of the whole point.

“There are a lot of thirsty people around here.” (Halsin, BG3)

[likeabxrdinflight]

I have read azula in the spirit temple, because of course I did. it's like 7 bucks for the digital version and honestly? wouldn't pay much more than that.

it's...fine. it's fine. it's not offensive, it's not groundbreaking, it's just...fine. I will say I do really like the art style, it's a vast improvement over the yang-led comics. there's some great drawings and all the characters look really good.

otherwise...? I mean it just doesn't do much with its story, and I think that's kind of intentional. I strongly suspect that now that avatar studios is a thing, major story beats in the comics series are over for the time being. this very much feels like a tease of "can azula redeem herself?? we just don't know!!!" and then they very much do not commit one way or the other with it. which tells me that if any major storylines featuring azula are going to be happening in the future, they probably won't be happening in the comics, but in some future movie or animated series.

and honestly? good. I always felt comics were the wrong medium for telling stories in this universe, they have never managed to replicate the gravitas or complexity of storytelling of the animated shows. so if this comic is meant to be like...a palate cleanser, a teaser for things to come in future projects...fine. that's fine. but it does mean this particular story comes across non-committal and honestly...kinda boring.

like, every character azula interacts with outside the first couple pages is a spirit. none of it's real, the stakes are so low, and everything that happens once azula arrives at the temple is a vision from this guardian spirit, who tells azula that if she could accept what the visions were saying then this was her chance of redemption. but honestly that just feels like a cop-out and I don't really buy it, because none of it was real. and azula knows that.

what this story felt like instead was less redemption arc and more character exploration. and as a character piece it's...it's fine? like I said, it's not offensive like the search or smoke and shadow were (though it does loosely play off where smoke and shadow left off, it mostly ignores the search, so props to it for that lol). but there's nothing in here that will come as a surprise to anyone with basic reading comprehension who's watched the original show. the writing's a bit shallow but broadly inoffensive.

honestly the most surprising thing for me was azula acknowledging out loud to a vision of ursa that she's entirely aware that her father used her as a weapon, and felt that ursa failed to protect her from that fate by leaving. which is an interesting dichotomy given that much of azula's character is bound up in that identity as her father's perfect daughter in contrast to zuko being the failed son. (then again, quite a bit of time has now passed in universe since the end of the tv series, so maybe it's not overly shocking that azula has done a little introspecting in that time.)

other than that, there's some fun interactions with spirit!mai and ty lee, and then there's a final vision with spirit!zuko that comes so close to being a halfway decent climax to this little story, but none of it's a major revelation to anyone who's been paying attention to azula's character. the spirit visions all serve the same function that azula's hallucinations did in the series finale- they act as her unconscious mind telling her the truths she already knows about herself deep down.

the ending leaves azula in kind of a middle ground place, very little about her circumstances have changed except she's decided to ditch her girl gang and go run off to do something else- which is kept extremely vague. I can't help feeling that is an intentional move to set her up for a totally new story in a different medium that likely doesn't want to rely on any foundations laid in any of the comics series. and I wouldn't be shocked if that medium is one of the alleged movies that avatar studios is supposed to be producing. so this feels less like a real character arc so much as a character reset.

and from a creative, lore standpoint I don't have a problem with this. that's probably what they needed to do if they want to use azula in their future animated projects. my problem is that the story the comic tells to give us this reset is just kinda boring for someone who's been with this fandom since the original series aired.

The fact is that I've read and seen fan works that addressed these exact same issues and character beats with much more finesse and for much higher stakes. this comic gave me the feeling that the dialogue was directly addressing what fans have been saying about azula for years and putting a neon light on it. and that's...again, it's fine? but it's not groundbreaking for those of us who've been saying this shit since 2008. and I guess it's nice to see some of those character beats canonized officially, especially if there's a likelihood that we'll see animated azula again, but as far as I was concerned the fact that azula wanted her family to love her and was used as a weapon of war was already obvious, so spelling it out with another comic felt...redundant.

and I guess that's how I'd describe this. it felt redundant to me, as someone who's spent a lot of time with this character already. maybe it's good that it exists so that larger and newer swaths of the fandom can see azula in this light, but for long time fans of the character? there's truly nothing in here about her that you don't already know.

if this really is a reset button for the old comics canon/jumping off point for an animated project, then...I'm not mad about it, exactly. but as a stand alone story it's just...fine. it's fine, but little more.

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Hey jalebi, I want to understand why did Arnav ripped Khushi's dori is it because she poked wrong wounds? Honestly in that moment Arnav's felt more grey than black or white! Would he behave the same with any woman who would poke his wounds anytime or its just in the spur of the moment with khushi?

Hey Anon,

Because Arnav is introduced as an anti-hero and he does everything an anti-hero.

"An anti-hero is a character who lacks a handful of the traditional attributes of a hero but is ultimately heroic. They may be bewildered, ineffectual, deluded, or merely apathetic. More often an anti-hero is just an amoral misfit. Some common attributes are: rarely speaking, being a loner, either extreme celibacy or extreme promiscuity, parental issues, occasional Past Experience Nightmares and flashbacks relating to a Dark and Troubled Past that can take many forms depending on the Anti-Hero in question.Typically, an antihero is the focal point of conflict in a story, whether as the protagonist, or as the antagonistic force. This is due to the antihero's engagement in the conflict, typically of their own will, rather than a specific calling to serve the greater good. As such, the antihero focuses on their personal motives first and foremost, with everything else secondary."

So Arnav's actions are incredibly volatile because until Shyam is confirmed as a Villain, Arnav is not revealed as a Hero.

And I find that dichotomy delicious. The audience is meant to be conflicted because that was a terrible moment and the show displays it as a terrible moment.

Also Arnav & Khushi have a different connection based on the story. Like a fated thread. They're both uncomfortable at the attraction they feel for someone undesirable.

And it's a multiple things that leads to that particular action. If Arnav met another woman under the exact circumstances who affected him just as much Khushi did and then have his wounds poked then, yes, the same reaction might've happened.

Women have very little responsibility over how a man behaves. Whether he's being romantic or abusive - it has nothing to do with a woman and all to do with the man himself.

Best,

JWB

[psychewritesbs]

Hi....if you don't mind me asking, can I ask your top 5 (or top 3) favorite characters from Tokyo Babylon? And why do you love them? And your top 5 favorite moments from the series? Thanks.....

HOLA! Thank you for your patience, I really wanted to give this a lot of thought but Jujutsu Kaisen dropped a massive twist so this took me a lot longer to get back to you. Without further ado...

Favorite TB characters

4. Tokyo

I don’t necessarily have any super insightful reasons for it other than just loving Tokyo. Also, this post does a fantastic job of introducing Sei-chan as a metaphor for Tokyo that I highly recommend you read.

The thing is that Tokyo is just... 

Larger than life? 

Intoxicating?

Exhilarating?

I’m a big city girl, and I’ve been privy to have visited a few of the most iconic and most populous cities in the world... Mexico City, NYC, Lima, Bangkok, Vancouver... but in my eyes, none compare to Tokyo. Ok maybe Mexico City, but that’s because I’m biased af by tacos and my people.

That said, I am a big fan of stories that feature cities as a sort of background character that defines the context of the story and serves as a container for it simultaneously. i.e. Your Name and Weathering with you by Makoto Shinkai. But I like that CLAMP takes it a step deeper by creating Sei as a metaphor for Tokyo as a corrupting force.

Of course, we also can’t ignore that CLAMP linked Tokyo to the ancient city of Babylon, thus implying that Tokyo and its inhabitants have become corrupted by their own ego’s baser humanity. Ironically, the ego is not necessarily “evil” or a “bad thing” in and of itself.

So it’s an interesting dichotomy given Subaru’s exalted spiritual role within the story and how Tokyo is considered a sort of sacred “place” upon which the fate of the world hinges in x/1999 and other non-CLAMP manga.

Not to mention the whole idea around God taking away humanity’s ability to understand each other--it’s almost foreshadowing for how Subaru and Seishiro’s dynamic evolves.

3. Sumeragi Hokuto

This girl.

Hokuto is one of my favorite female characters in manga. At first, you get the impression she’s just Subaru’s appendage because she is his twin--a sort of person who is there to be a foil to Subaru’s more sensitive and quiet nature.

And then, CLAMP brings her to life as an individual in her own right in the most magnificent way possible. Not only does she demonstrate depth, but she’s brave, compassionate... idk, this girl is the whole 9 yards and a bit more. 

I think some of my favorite scenes with her are when she spooks Seishiro. It says a lot about her character to openly and brazenly defy a person such as Seishiro.

I hate to admit I don’t spend a lot of time brain rotting about her so I don’t have a whole lot to say about her other than “I adore her” and that I love her chapter, Smile.

Honestly, what’s not to love about Hokuto?

2. Sakurazuka Seishiro

Ok let’s start with the obvious: He’s a massive idiot and a sinister creep, and I love him all the more for it.

Also, his love language is torture so... it explains a lot.

Basically, Seishiro is a conundrum. When you re-read TB and you know what goes down in x/1999, you kind of have to start to wonder about his sense of self.

Seishiro, as a character, walks a fine line between who he pretends to be and his temperament. Even though he puts on a specific mask in his interactions with the Sumeragi twins, Hokuto always knew he was pretending and even Subaru always expressed his desire to get to know the real Seishiro--thus implying he sensed something was off.

But that’s just it. Personality and behavior ≠ temperament. As humans we are multidimensional beings and those are but three aspects of being.

Also, this is where it gets complicated with him because he can pretend to exhibit certain personality traits or behaviors all day long, but his unchanging temperament is quite another thing. I’ve personally have always felt like it is Sei’s temperament what Subaru latched onto and fell in love with even if Seishiro made it a point to hold back and restrain the whole of his true nature from Subaru.

It’s almost like the Seishiro Subaru fell in love with existed at the intersection between Seishiro the cruel bastard that we know him to be, and Seishiro, the soul.

As for Sei, my best guess is that the same was true for him and that his ego mind/personality could not hold the tension of being inevitably attracted and drawn to Subaru’s temperament. The whole personality dichotomy between them was, in the end, just an excuse for Seishiro to remain in control of a situation over which he had no control.

As has been said multiple times in the fandom, the fact that Sei-chan even made the bet to begin with, is proof that he had already lost it.

Dammit Seishiro why can’t you just be normal ffs?!

That said, I love Seishiro both out of compassion for the tragedy of his character, AND as a clinical study on someone who is a total nutcase. 

Honestly, that’s one of the things I love the most about him? He’s SUCH A CREEP and just can’t be normal about Subaru.

1. Sumeragi Subaru

My favorite is, of course, Subaru.

I was talking with a fellow Pisces I recently met about a few Pisces characters, and in their own words: "I understand exactly how his fucked up little head works”.

So... I love Subaru because of who he is as a character and also because "I understand exactly how his fucked up little head works”.

Subaru is ethereal. Not of this world but in it. He’s soft and gentle and kind. But he’s also a bit of a liar and self-loathing and lacks boundaries.

Basically, Subaru is a masterclass in maladaptive empathy and compassion. This is not to mention that Subaru carries the burden of “the chosen one” and feels at odds both with his role and with his place in the world because of the exalted spiritual powers that he was born with. 

One of the things I really appreciate about him as a character is the symbolism that defines him as a character. That is his zodiac sign, Pisces, the last sign of the zodiac which is often associated with Christ Consciousness in esoteric interpretations of the sign’s symbolism.

So to me, Subaru is someone who unconsciously absorbs “negativity” and transmutes it into “light”. But in the end, there’s only so much Subaru’s human ego can handle, especially after Seishiro enters into the picture and does #the thing.

Now, apparently Christ Consciousness is also about unification and wholeness. Given Sei and Subaru represent the yin and yang, and bringing back the Babylon metaphor where God punishes the citizens in Babylon by taking away their ability to communicate... well... they’re totally written in the stars.

Anyways. So the thing about Subaru’s self-loathing is that it defines a lot of his actions and the way he thinks.

The last time I read TB from start to finish I didn’t create psychological distance between him and me, and as a result I spent the whole day lamenting the utter meaninglessness of life and existence. It’s not a pretty place to be so I kind of stay away from TB and keep a safe distance from “Subaru states of mind”.

Favorite TB Moments

In no particular order...

1. Tokyo Tower

One of the other things I feel influenced Subaru’s interest in Seishiro was that Seishiro “understood” him. Again, I may not be Subaru but I know how his fucked up little head works--perpetually misunderstood is my middle name. So to meet someone who (deeply) understands is like finding an oasis in the Sahara.

In this chapter we see them both disagree and meet in the middle about fundamental values. I am not sure if Subaru was already a nihilist at this point in his life, but he’s certainly starting to ask questions to give meaning to the experiences he has. 

The problem is that he trusts Seishiro bahaha. Oh God... Seishiro the nihilist giving life advice. The way I see it is... Subaru wouldn’t have become a nihilist if the inkling wasn’t already there.

Not sure if Seishiro influenced this or just fanned the embers of nihilism that were already burning inside of Subaru. After all, Subaru’s mental health was already not the best due to his work as an onmioji.

2. Don’t underestimate Subaru

Subaru is someone who on first impression is gentle and soft and quiet, not the most masculine traits or temperament if you think about it. In addition, if your lifestyle revolves around Western or individualistic values, then these traits are typically also perceived as weakness.

The reason I love to see Subaru demonstrate the opposite of his usual state of being is because it demonstrates that softness and kindness and strength can coexist.

In other words, he might not look it, but he can and will kick ass when needed. 

What I love the most about scenes of Subaru exerting power over others is that he’s still super kind and gentle about it. 

3. Seishiro’s reveal

I read somewhere in this hellsite about someone pointing out that the genre that defines Tokyo Babylon as a literary work follows the exact formula that TB follows. But alas, I have no idea how to find said post.

Suffice it to say that this is one of the most impactful moments in the story despite being told Sei is a sinister creep pretty much right from the get go.

The twist isn’t that Seishiro is a sinister creep, but rather the bet that Sei made with Subaru, and that’s what ultimately cuts deepest.

I have to say that from a writing perspective, this writing device is pretty cool because you’re basically distracting an audience with what you want them to focus on, and then you reveal the truth about that distraction and how that changes the story.

I’d say it’s a good attempt at a plot twist. And that’s actually one of the things I love about it is how the reveal is timed to Subaru’s own awakening to his sense of self and identity... just in time to have it shred to pieces by Seishiro’s little bet that he had already lost.

Nanase (CLAMP’s writer) is a sadist and I love her all the more for it.

Also the way Seishiro is depicted as a high schooler is total creepster on steroids...

4. Hospital scene

Do I like this scene for the out of context innuendo? Yes.

Do I love that Seishiro’s facade is starting to fall away and he can’t keep his hands off his prey? Yes.

AND this scene is also so loaded. I like to think that seeing Subaru cry was a shock to Seishiro’s ego so large that he had to create distance between them to establish control.

Like... he just couldn’t wait to get Subaru out of that hospital room or otherwise he might strangle him to death because his love language is torture.

Again, he lost the bet the moment he came up with the idea. Almost like he was trying to convince himself that what he experienced wasn’t the absence of “I can’t love” the whole time.

5. Sumeragi twins

The love and affection they have for each other is so beautiful...

I think it’s easier to see how much Subaru needs Hokuto. But Hokuto needed Subaru just as much.

And that’s that! 

TA-DA! Thanks for your patience once again anon and for inviting me to brainrot about Tokyo Babylon <3.

[junebuggeryy]

The thing about Apple White is that the story sets her up to be deranged in such a way that makes perfect sense for the lore. I feel like the desire to follow the previously established story isn’t entirely something that’s invalid, but I feel like the royal storyline clearly kind of drowned in its own initial conflict especially as like… The lines got blurrier, but like. The fact that there are enough details in world to understand why Apple might cling to it, like the fact that she’s got an immediate connection to the Charmings and her mother’s incredibly industrious background as well as just like…

The promise that she’s going to live happily ever after, the fact that her story is considered the epitome of fairytales in setting and how she essentially can’t imagine how anyone wouldn’t want that for her. She easily stands out as a character because of the fact that she obviously has a lot of toxic traits, but I feel like they do come from such a like “pure” place to use language from an earlier post. She can’t imagine why people wouldn’t want what she wants at first and wants to help even though her idea of helping is a flawed premise. I think Apple as a representative of the Royals is really interesting in that way with her and Darling serving as an excellent potential frame work for like… The “rebranding” of the Royals in a sense where they get to play out their roles, now changed, rather than oppose the Rebels.

But yeah like, the dichotomy really did fall apart because by the end of the Wonderland arc they all have to agree its too dangerous for the facilitating artefact to even exist and that fundamentally it’s better to let people choose their own fate so like. If they wanted one then they really needed to build around it a little more coherently, but I think just letting the initial dichotomy die and replacing it with something else would have been fine! It might even have given them excuse to rebrand their dolls and update their designs and sell more of them if that’s the point. Anyway, hi again

Hello Lovely Followers It's Still Ever After High Hours.

hi again. these are some damn good thoughts, and i think you're completely right? this is perhaps an ironic point, but stories are supposed to evolve. i could absolutely see a version where the initial conflict of the royals changed shape, and Apple and Darling got to rewrite what it means to hold the power they do. i would have loved to see the "royals" name change to mean something new rather than peter out, and im sure it could have even been worked into whatever marketing/doll design goals were required to keep the show running? but these things are easier said than done, i suppose

anyway, im ECSTATIC you bring up the wonderland arc, as i have a comical amount to say about it. in general, the wonderland arc feels like the point where the story stops being about challenging oppressive power structures, and starts implicitly preserving them. it makes sense for raven to want to help protect her friend's mom, the Queen of Hearts, and i dont think it was even a bad story arc? but i do think its notable that Courtly is the first time we see someone trying to change their world's power structure is painted as unequivocally bad. and it's not as if EAH's Queen of Hearts is a particularly kind version of the titular ruler, either? then, by the time we get to epic winter, the villains are explicitly servants that no longer want to live in servitude, and are acting out, and this is not commented on at all.

idk. maybe you could argue that Courtly is someone taking advantage of an unstable system? but i am biased and Courtly Jester is forever my #problematic fave. i have a known soft spot for clown terrorists.

i do wish they had written different exit for the storybook of legends? if i recall correctly, Apple finally voted to get rid of it because she was afraid of someone signing their name into the wrong page and stealing a destiny- which, honestly, i still find to be a fascinating piece of worldbuilding, and to be a concern in-keeping with Apple's character? but it feels like only one piece of a larger puzzle. it just, feels weird to have the defeating blow to the Storybook of Legends™️, and it's societal hold over people, to be the preservation of tradition. maybe the writers felt they had already done a thorough job of tackling the ways being trapped in tradition was bad for these characters, and needed a new reason to get rid of it? but- IDEK. i feel like there may have been better options.

honestly, it feels like the thing that's missing from EAH are the Royals expressing empathy or understanding for situations outside of their own? which, honestly, isn't really a complaint- the show's about teenagers, and it makes sense they would be a little myopic! hell, that's why Apple takes it so personally.

that being said, i do think its notable that i can't think of a single Royal that didn't turn over to the Rebel side for a reason outside their own destiny, from wanting to date a non-prince charming, to not desiring to be comatose for a century. maybe this could have been Apple? our girl with nothing to complain about, our girl being offered the most heavenly future she could imagine, deciding that her guarantee at a perfect life isn't worth it if it requires that her friends must suffer.

again, that's the Apple in my heart. idek. i feel like im talking a lot about broad strokes potentials and story building rather than canon characterization? even through all this, i still love what we got of this dumb silly fantasy highschool show, lol.

[mokutone]

Unpopular opinion :) about naruto in general or just yamato whatever you want

hmmm thank you for the question....i guess here's one: in "modern"/non ninja AUs, I think Yamato should still be a fairly odd guy who is not really fully socialized to the intricacies of daily life.

ough. edit update 2: tumblr deleted my first update acknowledging that it fucked up my post. dont know why this keeps happening. but it does. anyway

the thing is that around 2020 i started getting into naruto and while trying to avoid certain spoilers i decided to read some non ninja au fics, just because theyre fun and creative and i like seeing how people translate canon material into au material, and i was like. suuuuper blindsided by how often yamato was portrayed (even in some yamato centric fics) as like. the everyman.

and to be fair!! i can definitely understand how they came to this conclusion, because Yamato DOES have a little bit of a manzai routine with naruto, where naruto is the boke and yamato is the tsukkomi! yamato loves to play the straight man!

but the straight man isn't quite the everyman, there's some nuance in there. the "everyman" is somebody who is meant to be "relatable to anyone," typically their experiences in life have been """average""" in such a way that, when exposed to bizarre circumstances, they will react with an entertaining or empathy-drawing abundance of surprise and often distress.

i feel like a lot of yamato's backstory, specifically being a test tube baby created by konoha's favorite evil mad scientist and then raised and trained by a man known for having children fight to the death in an effort to remove them of their feelings, and then spending the next 10 years of his life exclusively working relatively anonymously in Konoha's black ops, however, kinda disqualifies Yamato from being an everyman? I feel like that's a pretty ah. unique. experience of life. even speaking simply in the terms of batshit ninja origin stories from naruto!

like sure! in an au, you could remove any trace of that from his character. but you could also, in an au, say that Kakashi just got that scar in a shaving accident when he was 22. i don't know why you'd say that, but like, you could if you thought that losing his eye and all that obito shit didn't matter to his character much. i mean...the world is an oyster.

the straight man in a comedic bit DOES often serve the purpose of the "voice of reason" but, unlike the everyman...there's no prescribed backstory! it's just a comedic role. The only expectation is that they generally maintain composure in the face of Antics, and that they try to correct or give deadpan commentary to the funnyman.

this is part of why i am constantly making jokes about Yamato Deliberately practicing being "normal," honestly. i think it would be a very funny and a really funny crossroads of some of his character traits if...instead of being the straight man by virtue of never having encountered any strangeness in his life, yamato (who we know to be somebody who values preparedness immensely) just...studied for it. is there anything more hilarious than the idea of somebody who studied being normal with the goal of being able to pass as Just Some Average Joe.

Imagine say, a Yamato who was brought up by danzō in some kind of homeschooler's hell blood sports situation, who is now an adult and finds doing his taxes and going grocery shopping and all sorts of very normal and unfun tasks genuinely kind of exciting because of how rewarding he finds it to practice these Normal Skills he has put an insane amount of effort into teaching himself. I find this idea to be just. utterly enrapturing. but that's a very extreme example of the dichotomy.

anyway. in fics which aren't about that kind of thing, it can be a narrow line to tread, and really all it comes down to is just. putting thought into giving yamato a backstory which draws at least somewhat on a few of his canon backstory details and characterizing his actions with his own logic (which one must then put effort into building), rather than a kind of default "common-sense" logic.

[veliseraptor]

Ooooooh I know you don’t write TGCF fic but I’d loooove to hear your thoughts on Xie Lian & Jun Wu...

it’s not so much that I don’t want to write TGCF fic or have a lot of thoughts and feelings about TGCF character dynamics as I have this weird block specifically around writing fic for it. I have no idea what that’s about.

anyway though, in answer to your question! god this dynamic just...fascinates me. it’s so awful and so interesting and look, you all know I’m a sucker for parallels/mirrors/shadows and their interplay, and Jun Wu is 100% Xie Lian’s mirror. explicitly! obviously! and I love it.

the tension between Xie Lian and Bai Wuxiang is obviously the thing that grabbed me first, and the dichotomy, then, between Xie Lian/Bai Wuxiang and Xie Lian/Jun Wu is...they’re two completely different relationships, almost polar opposites, and yet of course they’re relationships with the same person. because Jun Wu has two faces! he isn’t just Bai Wuxiang (but he is Bai Wuxiang) and he isn’t not Jun Wu. they’re both there, side by side, and both with eyes locked on Xie Lian.

the way that Jun Wu identifies Xie Lian with himself, but also as himself but better somehow, but also himself but just clueless. I think that his trying to twist Xie Lian into Bai Wuxiang’s mirror image is about...oh, four things, maybe, simultaneously (maybe more than that but four occur to me):

The desire to be vindicated in his view of the world - to bring Xie Lian down to despair and make him in his own image.

The desire to mold Xie Lian into a perfect successor/companion, both as someone he owns but also I think as someone who could keep him company.

Just plain and simple the desire to break Xie Lian out of pure fucking spite and anger.

And way deep down, probably unacknowledged: the desire to be proven wrong.

and of course Xie Lian keeps “failing,” keeps not following the path Jun Wu is trying to set out for him. he keeps making the “wrong” choices. and he’s only hurting himself! he’s only making things harder for himself! poor Xie Lian, if he’d just give in it’d be so much easier.

but Xie Lian doesn’t, and won’t, and even when he finally does he turns around at the very last minute. manages to pull himself back from the brink. they continue to stand on opposite sides of the river, and the bridge is right there but Xie Lian won’t cross it.

and I think Jun Wu doesn’t really understand why.

it is...deeply important to me on a lot of levels that both (a) Jun Wu doesn’t die at the end and even more that (b) Xie Lian doesn’t kill him. beyond just my sentimentality and the fact that I acquired surprise Jun Wu feelings at the 11th hour, I love that it is...it’s about the hat. 

the bamboo hat is such a weighted symbol, and we know that now - it was a kindness given to Xie Lian when he was at his lowest, and it served as proof that there was kindness in the world. it was, at least for Xie Lian, the thing that let him refute Bai Wuxiang’s arguments.

gifting it to Jun Wu here and now is passing that on. it’s passing on the kindness that was given to him back then when he needed it most, but maybe even more than that it’s passing on the gesture itself with the implication it has - this world is not as bleak as you believe it is.

and like. that sure is a thing. and god I’m just - so here for characters who are able to extend a hand in understanding to their antagonist, even if it doesn’t mean they’re going to be friends. Xie Lian isn’t coming back, I don’t expect, and he doesn’t have to! he probably shouldn’t! but in parting he’s said, not it’s all right but I understand.

honestly, I think that’s in some ways what Jun Wu wanted most. it’s why he kept trying to turn Xie Lian into himself - both as vindication of his worldview, but also because, I think, he was lonely, and needed someone to tell him you were right.

and Xie Lian isn’t saying that, but what he’s saying digs under the truth of you were right into what the desire to hear that sometimes really means, which is about understanding.

anyway I’m not sure this is coherent at all and I’m going to quit while I’m not too far behind.

[sweettsubaki]

People who say Horikoshi would be a coward if he brought Bakugou back do not understand anything to writing

Cowardice would mean not going through with his plans because he felt threatened by something.

So first things first, Horikoshi said he was allowed to finish the manga however he wanted now since it's almost over and WSJ doesn't try to keep series on forever anymore. So the "cowardice" thing wouldn't be likely in that sense.

Now in story.... The basic concept of BnHA is an hommage to super hero comics. If you've read comics you know that death isn't permanent in those (one of the longest lasting was Barry Allen for 23 years IRL and like... 6-8 years in world) with very few exceptions. So while I'm not saying Horikoshi abides to it, I still think it's an important concept to remember when going into these kinds of stories. The "they were brought back to life" , the "their death was faked", the "they were just injured but no one knew whether it was actually deadly", the "they were healed just in time", the "they were put in stasis"... They're all common tropes in fiction but especially so in comics.

Which brings us to the concept of a cliffhanger. It's a writing device to keep readers on their toes and make them want to know either "what happens next". It cuts in the middle of a climax. Bakugou is on the verge of death so far. He's not actually dead yet because the scene was cut before we got confirmation. (Because Horikoshi knew what he was doing to his readers and is enjoying it.)

As I said....cowardice means not going through and changing your plans. While the tragedy of Katsuki's death when his character arc is not finished would make the death work on an emotional level for the readers, the plot would not be better for it, quite the opposite as Horikoshi treating his Deuteragonist only as Deku development fodder would not be great writing (not saying he wouldn't still be fodder for Deku's development, he just wouldn't only be that). There's only one instance where he wouldn't just be fodder and serve the plot directly if he died and it would require his consciousness to still be around for a conversation... Honestly I'd find that to be meh at best. Point is, I highly doubt his death was the point of this storyline. It seems to be more something along the lines of "this is where Katsuki's at right now so we can see how he's gonna evolve again" and either "How he is not going to die? " or "how is his /near/death gonna provoke this quirk reveal" to go with it. So to Horikoshi reversing Bakugou's death/showing he isn't actually dead would be his plan. aka not cowardice.

Especially considering there's the simple concept of consistency with the worldbuilding and with the themes. With everything that Horikoshi has established in his world, there are so many possibilities to move the plot, develop the themes of the story as well as its thesis by keeping Katsuki alive. Much more than by him dying here. The save to win/win to save dichotomy (and Katsuki learning to save while Izuku learns to win especially when faced with ShigarakAFO), the various quirks and the versatility of their use, 2nd's quirk, Deku and Bakugou's parallel to Shigaraki, Katsuki representing society and its capacity for change, Katsuki taking Deku's hand, ect... (seriously I've barely breached the surface here).

So from a narrative standpoint, his death makes little sense. I'm not saying it's impossible for Horikoshi to have actually killed him, just that he'd reduce his possibilities by doing that and that he rarely exposes themes and worldbuilding without acting on it (Chekov's gun and what not). He may not be the best at writing his ideas but he almost always follow through with what he's given the audience. He also particularly loves the bait and switch technique.

There's also the idea that killing a character is brave or whatever. Well to a lot of writers that's not the case. So long as a character's death isn't necessary for the plot to advance or to develop themes, then they can be tortured used. And it's more fun from a writer's PoV. A good character is a character that has a use. A dead characters can be used to torture develop another one but even then, it often limits its possibilities. That's not always the case of course, sometimes it allows for greater use than would have otherwise been possible, but that's the thing, it should be dependent on weighing whether the death is actually worth it to move your story and characters along and not on a very subjective 'bravery' factor.

[thefirsttree]

A personal update + my next game

OK, time to do this. I’ve been meaning to do a big DAVID WEHLE™ update for a while now and explain why I haven’t released a new game yet, but you know how life gets in the way. Especially when life is a quarantine hellscape, you have three beautiful, amazing, exhausting kids to raise, a spouse’s job you support, a viral YouTube channel that turns your brain to mush, a thousand emails waiting in your inbox since your game is free on the Epic Games Store (with an impressive number of redemptions too! … meaning lots of emails and customer support issues), etc., etc. What also contributes to my lack of updates is because… I just don’t really like posting online. Fascinating correlation, I know!

Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be a venting/ranting blog post (well, maybe a bit), because my life is seriously AMAZING and INSANELY BLESSED and LUCKY. I can’t believe how many dreams keep coming true, so much so that I feel I don’t deserve it and I really pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes… but I did want to at least be honest, because I owe that to myself.

Wow, where do I even begin? Well, how about we start with the reason I’m even a full-time indie game dev now: The First Tree. This small hobby project I worked on at night morphed into this gargantuan beast (or fox) that took over my life the past 5 years. Which is great! I’m living the dream! And yet, I really didn’t expect it to do as well as it did. At its core, my game is a slow-paced, sad walking simulator (ahem, I prefer the term “exploration game,” but you know what I mean) that somehow seemed to launch at the right time to the right audience. It resonated deeply with some of you, and for that I’m eternally grateful. I still get emails almost daily how my game changed their lives in some formative way. I’m beyond honored.

However, with that spotlight came criticism and demands from the ever-present, insatiable internet. I would randomly be surfing the gamedev subreddit trying to decompress, and I would see a comment by some rando saying how much I didn’t deserve my success, and how it was all one huge lucky fluke. And I believed them!

And to add to it, some devs considered me an indie marketing “guru”, which I was uncomfortable with. I worked hard to market my game every week, and after my GDC talk, people assumed marketing was my passion; the reason I got up every morning. Just to clarify… NO, I don’t like marketing, and I hate being the center of attention. I don’t like asking people for money and wishlists. But I did what was necessary because I was passionate about telling stories, and I wanted to give my story a fighting chance to be seen on the crowded pages of Steam.

So now, you’re probably wondering “well then David, why did you make fancy YouTube videos showing off your success? Not very modest if you ask me.” This honestly could be a long blog post all on its own, because my experience of putting myself in the spotlight and becoming a “content creator” is… complicated. It was an unusual step for me, especially since I never even showed my face online (as a game developer) until my GDC talk.

First off, I always wanted to teach and start a YouTube channel. I love video editing, especially since I’ve been doing it longer than making games! It’s a huge passion of mine. And teaching people who didn’t know they could make and finish games was a huge motivator (and it’s been so rewarding already). But the second reason is, I was scared. I was self-employed, and I was riding the success of a “huge lucky fluke” that would probably not happen again. I wanted to make sure I could provide for my amazing family, and give them food and health insurance and security in these tumultuous times. I was turning my lifelong passions and hobbies into a business, and it wasn’t as simple of a mental transition as I thought.

So, I went all in on YouTube and the accompanying online course called Game Dev Unlocked. I spent years editing the scripts and videos, and polishing them to a shine. At first, no one watched my videos, no one was buying… and in the blink of an eye, the YouTube algorithm picked up my main autobiographical video (“How Making Indie Games Changed My Life”), and I started getting 5,000 subscribers a day. Right now, I’m at 150,000 subs, which is still hard for me to believe. I always had a dream of earning 100k subs on YouTube, so I was pretty happy with the whole thing. Sales were OK, but mostly people didn’t want to buy the course. Then the emails came in…

Something you should know about me: I am a textbook “people pleaser,” and if someone asks for my help, I take it very seriously. If someone is mad at me, even if I didn’t do anything wrong, it’s all I can think about, and it ruins my day. So, taking an onslaught of people begging for help and multiplying that by an impossible amount of people for my brain to truly comprehend thanks to the internet… and let’s just say it wasn’t a healthy mix.

I received thousands of emails from people who were begging me for some kind of reassurance that everything would be OK. That their dreams would come true too. And I wanted to help every single one of them. I went from a nobody working on a game for fun to becoming a spokesperson for the indie game dream. I couldn’t even get a shake from the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru without someone recognizing me and asking for game dev advice. And it didn’t stop there… I would get emails from suicidal kids asking for help, teenagers from Afghanistan asking me to get them out of their country, and on one occasion I received an email from a hopeful game developer in a war-torn country who had just experienced a bomb blowing up their neighboring village. His friends were dead, and he was hoping he could finish a game before he died too, and he needed my help. How do you say no to something like that? Didn’t I owe it to everyone because I was lucky with my hit game and I needed to “pay it forward”? (Something people constantly reminded me of)

And then to top it off, after you’ve given everything you’ve got to other people in need… you get hate mail in your inbox. You spend the whole day serving your children and strangers on the internet, then when the kids are finally asleep, you hit the bed to relax and take a look at your phone to decompress, and you randomly come across an angry gamer in your Twitter mentions telling you your game they got for free sucks, and that you took away a potentially great game from them and that your apology isn’t good enough.

Long story short, I went to a mental therapist for the first time in my life. I was broken trying to care for two toddlers and a new baby in a pandemic (which is very, very hard), taking care of my course students who gave me their hard-earned money and demanded results, and the countless people begging for help on the internet. I was this introverted, internet-lurker trying to take on the weight of the world. I was so tired and hurt that no one cared about me and my needs… only what I could do for them.

Quitting my day job and making this hobby my full-time job has stirred up… mixed emotions. This statement may disturb some of you, but I was definitely 100% happier when I had a full-time job and I was working on my game at night. I missed working with the amazing team at The VOID, working on Star Wars… back when the success of my game was this abstract thing I could only daydream about. Mostly, I was making my game for me with no outside expectations to pay the bills or satisfy the ever-demanding internet, and that brought me a lot of joy.

It’s not all doom and gloom though! I’m actually very happy now and in the best shape I’ve been since the pandemic started. I’ve had to confront my weaknesses and personality quirks, but I’m a better person for it (and I’m sure these issues would’ve come out eventually). I hired an awesome community manager for Game Dev Unlocked who is helping SO MUCH with the emails, I can’t even tell you the mental burden it alleviates. I even leased a co-working office to help separate work from my home, and that’s been a huge help too. I’ve decided to work with my old friends from The VOID on a cool, new VR experience. It will take me away from my projects a bit, but I’m ecstatic to work with a great team again (and not manage anything, whew).

These are all things I would’ve never guessed I needed, because I thought I knew myself pretty well… turns out I didn’t.

The reality is: running a business is HARD. Running it solo is even harder. You have to remember, I was burnt out on The First Tree well into the Steam release in 2017, but I kept working on it for 4 more years due to my fears of failing again and not earning enough money for my family.

So, I was wrestling with the age-old concept of commercialism and art. There was this dichotomy of doing whatever I wanted and being true to my vision (what most people assume the indie dev dream is like), and doing only what customers wanted to buy. This is something that has killed me with YouTube… in one specific instance, I was super excited to make the exact video I wanted to make. I loved every part of its creation, and I thought it had a message that would inspire everyone. I lovingly edited it over several weeks, posted it, and excitedly waited for the stats… and it was by far my worst performing video.

This is not a new problem. Even the Sistine Chapel by Michelangelo was a commission forced upon him by the very violent Pope Julius II. My wife and I regularly talk about the fine balance between artistic integrity and commercialism, a problem she is very familiar with as an artist who constantly needs to balance what she wants to make with what the customer wants to hang up in their home.

For The First Tree, I was lucky. It was pretty much what I wanted to make (I had to compromise a lot of things of course), and it turned out millions of people wanted it too. Recently, I thought the safe business decision would be to do it all over again, so I started work on a spiritual successor to The First Tree (an idea that I may revisit one day since I do love the story idea). But that isn’t happening anytime soon. Trust me when I say I am now currently burnt out on animal exploration games.

So that realization left me with a question: what do I do next?

I’ve decided I need to make a game that I want to make, for me. It will be a bit different and I’m almost certain most fans of The First Tree will not love it… but it’s an idea that gets me super excited. It’s an idea that could help me fall in love with game development again.

A few more details: this game will be story-driven, first-person, and will use the Unreal Engine. That means development is gonna be slow going, because I have to learn a whole new tool. The “smart business” decision would be to make something quickly in Unity which I’m already familiar with… but I want to do this for me, and UE5 looks like a lot of fun. I’m also shooting for an early-ish release date so I avoid burn out and I keep the game short: I want to release it in Fall 2022, but knowing game development, it will probably take longer.

With the help of my therapist, I’ve also concluded that I’ve been too accessible on the internet and that my self-worth isn’t determined by the amount of people I try to help online. Of course, I love helping people and seeing them succeed, but I need to step back and focus on my family and myself. I will delete my social media apps on my phone (I will still post big updates occasionally) and stop responding to most emails, tweets, DMs, etc. It’s not that I’m ungrateful… in fact, if I don’t say thank you or at least acknowledge the incredibly nice people who share a sweet message about my game or want to tell me how I inspire them (still hard for me to believe, lol), I feel a ton of guilt… but I need to let that go. Please know I’m extremely grateful to all the fans who follow my work, so even if I don’t thank you directly, I truly mean it: thank you.

I will still post and stream occasionally on YouTube when I want to (and I still do live Q&A’s for my GDU students). The online course sales will help support my family as I work on a potentially risky game idea (and my new job will help alleviate the risk too). I’m gonna try one more marketing experiment and sell a mini-course soon (and add an Unreal section), and after that I’m done working on it. A gigantic thank you to the people who bought my course and are part of the amazing community, it has helped me and my family tremendously, and it’s inspiring seeing the games you make!

I’m a bit worried about the whole thing since this new game idea could flop, which could definitely affect my family. But a sappy, high-school yearbook quote is coming to mind…  I think it applies here: “A ship in harbor is safe—but that is not what ships are built for.”

Thanks for reading,

David

[stickstone]

Warrior Cats D&D Classes

Just gonna be doing the protagonists and a few others, might do some more later! I am skipping over Brambleclaw because I do not respect him and don’t want to devote too much energy to him.

Firestar: Fighter, it’s commonly seen as the beginner class and I think that fits Firestar well. For subclass I’d probably say Eldritch Knight because I like the idea of Firestar utilizing both physical attacks and magical ones.

Leafpool: Life Domain Cleric. It’s a pretty standard medicine cat one but, with Leafpool being the first medicine cat protagonist we got I feel like it fits her.

Squirrelflight: Big Ranger energy! I’d probably say Horizon Walker. I see Squirrelflight as being very mobile and constantly moving, so Horizon Walker fits her a lot for me!

Mothwing: Ok here me out: Bard Mothwing. It’s a support class, and also it’s just very fun I love this one a lot! For subclass, I think College of Lore suits her best.

Jayfeather: Circle of Stars Druid. Ok I’ve actually thought about this one a lot, so buckle up. Circle of Stars Druids have something called a star map, something they use to chart out the stars and harness their magic. I was thinking it would be cool if the stick was Jayfeather’s star map. Furthermore, Rock was the previous owner of this star map and his soul is attached to it, serving as a very disgruntled mentor figure (always a fun thing to have in d&d).

Lionblaze: I feel like I don’t even need to explain why Lionblaze would be a Barbarian. Path of the Zealot seems like a fun choice, what with the refusing to die and favored by the heavens stuff.

Hollyleaf: Oathbreaker Paladin. Everything about this has Hollyleaf vibes.

Dovewing: I really love Wild Magic Sorcerer Dovewing. It fits her so well while also being a fun take on the character!

Ivypool: To go along with Dovewing, I was initially thinking Ivypool could be a Warlock. Since Sorcerers are born with their magic, I thought it would be interesting if Ivypool sought her magic from a different and darker source. But then I realized that I’d have to make all the Dark Forest trainees be Warlocks and something about that bored me a little bit? So I had an epiphany. The Dark Forest doesn’t grant anyone any magical abilities, but it teaches them how to hone those abilities. And Ivypool is training as a Wizard. For subclass I think Bladesinger would be really fun.

Gray Wing: Wizard, probably Order of Scribes.

Clear Sky: Oh boy that’s an interesting one! Honestly I think a Rogue would work, and specifically a Scout would suit him well.

Thunder: Barbarian, probably a Storm Herald because uh. Haha storm.

Star Flower: Arcane Trickster Rogue. I like the idea of Clear Sky and Star Flower both being rogues but of different subclasses, it suits their general energy.

Alderheart: Way of Mercy Monk, I just think it would be neat.

Sparkpelt: Cavalier Fighter, thought it would be fun to give her the same base class as Firestar but with a different subclass

Needletail: Warlock, her patron is Darktail (a strange water elemental guy who’s formed a cult, patron type is a Fathomless)

Violetshine: Starts off as one of Darktail’s Warlocks, but breaks her pact with him. For awhile, she’s powerless and without a patron. However, Darktail’s victims end up merging to form a new Fathomless patron. Needletail is the one who appears to Violetshine the most, though.

Tree: Circle of Land Druid. It fits almost too well!

Twigbranch: I feel bad because I can’t really think of anything interesting for Twigbranch? I’m so sorry but I genuinely don’t know. Maybe Ranger? Hunter subclass ig.

Bristlefrost: Bard College of Whispers, it suits her really well and I love it a lot.

Rootspring: Phantom Rogue, which is a favorite class (and subclass) of mine. It just fits? Phantom Rogues have the ability to see and communicate with ghosts, just like Rootspring, and they fit Rootspring way better than any of the other ghost related classes I can think of.

Shadowsight: Now, this is a really fun one. I was torn between Warlock and Cleric when I realized that not only did multiclassing exist, it was also a really cool idea to combine two very different classes into one! I think he’d be Order Domain and Pact of the Fiend. It really is just a fun dichotomy that suits Shadowsight really well.

[monsterquest]

Re: Vampires 😑

Anyway. This is me explaining why I dislike the vast majority of vampire fiction/ vampires in fiction and why I think this is a topic that deserves some further thought. This post is not about all vampire stories ever and we’re not discussing folklore here. Yes you can tell me all about some artisanal variety of vampire that’s totally different but the fact of the matter is that mainstream media has a very clear idea of what is being talked about. I’m talking about the movies and series and books that someone immediately thinks about when the word ‘vampire’ is mentioned and what are the common elements that put me off such media.

So who are vamipres generally portrayed as? Yeah I’m pretty sure you can spot the most common denominators. A youthful-looking or at the very least quietly confident and dubiously wealthy white man. More often than not revealing sociopathic inclinations and a “dangerous side” down the line. Stuff that only the heroine of the story can manage. He might have been shown to have mass-mudered his way though the ages, but none of those people went to high school with her so it’s fine. Plus he’s a vegan now. It’s fine. Right.

A key to many of the problems I have with vampires is a fundamental aspect of what they are. Vampires are made, not born. So up until they were turned and became blood-hungry creatures of the night with superhuman powers they were regular people, products of their time and environment. So they are the very opposite of a blank canvas.

First there’s the basic overall depiction, but at the same time what the audience/reader is told to ignore about the commonalities and how this relates to for example race in relation to what is seen as acceptable deviation from social norms. Like who cares where he got his money from and that nobody has ever heard of him and that his ID looks hella fake. Sure... he’s violent and undpredictable, but it’s fine because he’s traumatized. So here we arrive at the idea that somehow a woman can and should be inserted here as some kind of a fix. What are red flags? Who even knows? It’s fine.

Honestly I’m seeing so many problems that I’m not even sure which one to bring up first. I mean the more that I look at it... it seems to me as if vampirism in a way serves as a metaphor for a particular kind of toxic white masculinity and how society is conditioned to accomodate it. 

Let me remind you that 50 Shades of Grey is Twilight fanfiction. That is a fact. Which appropriately anchors this whole thing back in reality in the sense that it should serve as a reminder of intention and motivations behind modern vampire fiction. It both sadly and conveniently also illustrates the point I want to make about the common denominators I brought up earlier. Which brings me to how vampires are fundamentally linked to class.

In Twilight’s example, if you take away the element of blood consumption what you’re left with is pretty much 50 Shades of Grey. I think that alone is pretty revealing in terms of what the story is intentionally telling us. While there’s a constant need to explain why fiction is not reality and how fictional situations don’t necessarily reflect what authors advocate in real life, I feel like vampire fiction is something that deserves to be seen in connection to what it is anchored to. Not so much because the fiction is created with different intentions, but because of the way the reality surrounding it is largely written into it. 

Interestingly, in a lot of media the existence of vampires seems to go hand in hand with that of werevolves. And pretty much every example I can currently think of (Twilight, Vampire Diaries, True Blood) seems to drive home the same general message through the dichotomy established between them. 

Vampires are educated, wealthy and worldly. Pretty much invariably shown as members of the upper class. Signalled as superior in every conceivable way perhaps other than in some aspect which would leave a female-protagonist-shaped cutout somewhere in there, to fit perfectly into this world and fix the vampire.

Werewolves are almost invariably rural, living “close to the land”, with far fewer means and in a different world in terms of affluence. Generally working class people, rarely as highly educated in comparison, often depicted as less rational, more prone to physical aggression, less diplomatic and able to control their emotions. And based on a casual observation, far more likely to be depicted as people of color than vampires. 

And let’s just ignore all of ABO territory and the world of implications that goes with it. 

Some of these things wouldn’t be an issue just by temselves. I just think it becomes one when this is a dominant pattern across much of media that fits this category. Clearly it’s being used to communicate something. And no part of this is isolated from the rest of what makes it (I frankly detest using this word) problematic. It’s far too complicated a matrix to exhaust the whole topic in a single ramble, so I’m not attempting to cover everything that has crossed my mind in relation to this. 

But to me the bottom line is that contemporary vampire fiction feeds into a specific set of patterns, whether consiously or unknowingly, ultimately becoming almost the opposite of what I personally appreciate in Monster Romance. I love Monster Romance for what it can do for deconstructing certain patterns that we see in a lot of media and are surrounded by in daily lives. And much of vampire fiction is in my eyes unable to overcome the baggage that is anchored to it through its rootedness in what already surrounds us.

[firelxdykatara]

Reader anon here with a thought!

Do you like love triangles? I personally don't, there is something about them that is incredibly frustrating lol. Same thing for harems, though there are some that do it tastefully 😌 so I can't be too upset by them.

It honestly depends on the love triangle and the way the author writes all three relationships (and, for any genuine love triangle, there should be three relationships--they don't all need to be romantic, but there needs to be an existing and strong relationship between all three points on the triangle, otherwise I'm almost certain not to be at all invested), how they are presented, and what the narrative purpose of the love triangle is.

Ironically, one of the best examples of a love triangle done well (at least... to a certain point in the story, which I'll explain in a bit) happened in a television show that is fairly notorious for turning to utter shit in the latter four seasons and alienating pretty much the entire fanbase, to the point where most of us dipped well before the end and everyone celebrated news of the show's cancellation.

I'm talking about The Vampire Diaries.

(under a cut because i went on a LOOOONG ramble about tvd and why that love triangle worked initially and then why it failed, and then i talked a bit about another love triangle that was pretty weak and failed almost from the outset in OUAT but was ultimately axed in favor of the stronger relationship and character being given focus, and what all of this means for how i feel about love triangles in general)

While this is still very much a case where I only shipped one side of the triangle, hated the other, and couldn't wait for it to be resolved so that I wouldn't have to deal with the side I disliked any longer (the writing was on the wall as far back as season 1, no matter how in denial a certain portion of the fandom remained right up until the series finale) the development of the triangle itself and how it affected all three characters and their relationships with one another was done very well for most of the first four seasons. Damon and Stefan were brothers, with a bloody and complicated history and relationship, and they both fell in love with this human girl--Stefan almost instantly, because she looked just like Katherine and he found himself... (and here I'm going to be as fair as I possibly can to him, but if you want my full anti stelena rant I have many of them prepped and ready to go) following her, at first to make sure she wasn't Katherine, and then inserting himself into her life to protect her. Damon, on the other hand, took much longer, because he was still in love with (and trying to rescue) Katherine, and so when he did fall in love with Elena, it was because of who she was, not because of some idealized 'Not Katherine' pedestal he placed her on the instant he met her.

(I swear, I swear I'm trying to be fair to Stefan, it's just very hard.)

The thing is, Elena was in love with Stefan almost from the jump. (And one of the reasons I never really shipped stelena is because that kind of insta-love with very little conflict that isn't manufactured by the plot just isn't compelling for me, and I fully jumped ship about halfway through s1 when Damon and Elena took a road trip together. It's a long story, but that remains one of my favorite episodes in the entire show and it marks the beginning of their actual journey together.) Stefan showed up at a time when she desperately needed someone, and to his credit he did help her through her early depressive spiral--in large part because Elena's recent trauma (survivor's guilt due to her parents dying in a car crash from which she was the only survivor) meant that finding out Stefan was immortal and could not die and would not leave her resulted in her getting fiercely attached.

He was safe, he was stable, she could rely on him. But she could not grow with him, because for him, she was essentially a morality pet/the anchor to his humanity, and that meant that he could not accept when she began to grow out of her need for him. The fact that this coincided with her becoming a vampire only made things worse--because she settled into being a vampire much more easily with far less strife than he'd ever managed, and an Elena who enjoyed being a vampire in ways Stefan simply couldn't could no longer function as the idealized reminder of humanity he was desperate to cling to.

Damon, on the other hand, was the one who fell in love with Elena--not Not Katherine. He never put her on a pedestal, he never asked more of her than she could give him--when he realized how deep his feelings for her ran, he made her forget his confession because he knew he did not deserve her and he didn't want her burdened with his feelings when she was still in love with his brother and was always going to be. Elena's growing feelings for Damon coincided with her growth from a depressed and suicidal teenage girl into a young woman who began to realize that it was ok to want things for herself--to be a little selfish, to take what she wanted, to admit what she wanted. And, again, the fact that this coincided with her transformation into a vampire (although her growth within her relationship with Damon began well before that), meant that Damon's reaction to Elena-as-a-vampire was thrown into sharp relief against Stefan's--because he accepted her where his brother couldn't.

Ultimately, this led to Elena fully outgrowing her feelings for Stefan, and accepting, nurturing, and reveling in her feelings for Damon. The triangle was resolved, all three characters had growth separately and in their different relationships, and they could then move on from there along their different paths. Stefan could have had some truly excellent character growth involving moving on and finally living for himself rather than trying so hard to be this perfect brooding tortured vampire because he was the Good Brother, since there was no longer any need for that Good Brother/Bad Brother dichotomy. They'd both grown past it, as characters individually and as brothers together.

Unfortunately, where TVD ultimately failed (and this coincided with the way the show utterly lost the plot in terms of storylines, character arcs and cohesiveness and became an unsalvageable mess) is in refusing to let the love triangle die.

What should have happened is that once the love triangle was resolved--Elena growing as a character and moving on from her immature first love and fully embracing her feelings, as an adult, for her much more adult relationship with Damon--they abandoned the love triangle premise and let all three characters continue to grow outside of it. Damon and Elena should have been allowed to grow together and explore their relationship, Stefan to figure out where he still fit in their lives--as Damon’s brother, and one of Elena’s closest friends who she still loved dearly even though she was no longer in love with him--and then explore relationships of his own outside their family unit as he finally began to fully move on and grow out of his own overly idealized feelings for Elena.

Instead, what wound up happening is that the stelena side of the love triangle kept being teased--probably to keep the avid stelena shipping contingent invested in the story, hoping for ‘another brother swap’ as was lampshaded in one of Nina’s final episodes before she left the show (and, indeed, many of them remained utterly convinced that stelena would be endgame, right up until the series finale)--and rather than growing together, delena fans were constantly hit over the head with how ‘toxic’ Damon and Elena were for each other (even though this ran contrary to everything we’d seen in the show to that point, including having Damon regress repeatedly for, presumably, no reason other than to never let fans forget he was the Bad Brother and always would be, and Elena just couldn’t help but love him anyway), and all three characters and their relationships wound up suffering horribly for it.

That is an example of a love triangle that had a very promising foundation and development, right up through what should have been a resolution, and the reason it is generally looked on so unfavorably in fandom circles is because the show refused to move on from the triangle organically when the story needed it to, because it had already served its purpose.

For an example of a love triangle that, in my mind, simply didn’t work from the very beginning, I’d say my go-to example is from Once Upon a Time--the short-lived love triangle between Emma, Killian, and Neal. I think the first stumbling block there was that there weren’t really three relationships that mattered. Technically, Killian did have a connection to Neal--because they’d met in Neverland, prior to Neal remaining in the Land Without magic--but it functioned more as a backdrop to explain why Killian knew him when they got to Neverland again in the story, and why Neal didn’t trust him. It wasn’t actually developed as anything outside of that brief flashback, and they didn’t have any connection in the present outside of one episode where they essentially fought over Emma and she (rightly) got angry at them for it. There was no real exploration of who they were to each other outside of the fact that both of them had feelings for Emma, so it really was just one woman torn between her feelings for two different men, and with no real stakes attached to her choice.

The other problem with this particular triangle is that one side of it was... conspicuously weak. While Emma’d had a full season and a half worth of interactions and development with Killian--where they went from enemies, to grudging allies, to Killian openly acknowledging that he hadn’t ever believed he would be able to love again until he met Emma--she had... very little to support her potential relationship with Neal outside of their history. History which consisted of then-young-adult Neal knocking up underage Emma (she was 17 at the oldest because she was still in Juvie when Henry was born, and he was already ten years old the day she turned 28; so she was either 16 or very newly 17 when she got pregnant) and ensuring that she got sent to prison for his own crime, at which point he didn’t see her again until she was nearly 30. When he did see her again, he treated her incredibly poorly, up to and including getting angry at her about the fact that she didn’t tell him that Henry was his son--even though he had no right to that information, because Emma was in prison because of him at the time she found out, and she had no clue that he was in any way connected to the Fairy Tale world until she was helping Mr. Gold track down his son and it turned out to be Neal.

A big point is made, throughout the early seasons especially, about Emma’s walls and how much difficulty she has trusting people--and a great deal of that stemmed from Neal’s betrayal. This could have been the foundation for a story of healing and growth and two people coming back together--however, with the way Neal treats Emma in the present and how little closure she actually gets for what he did to her in the past, it comes across more as ‘well, she never did get over her feelings for him, so maybe he still has a shot even though she has no real reason to want to be with him now’.

Killian, on the other hand, never doubted Emma’s abilities and always had the utmost trust in and respect for her (after they became allies), and it was obvious that this is something Emma experienced very little of in her life. It’s notable that the first episode where they really interacted is the one in which Emma’s history with Neal is revealed, and it very deliberately paralleled and contrasted with her interactions with Killian. This already presented him with a leg up on the love triangle once Neal did show up, because Neal was the reason for a lot of the walls Emma had built around her heart, and it wasn’t until meeting Killian that she finally began to let some of them down.

I think that the show recognized this, and it pulled something that is actually a very frustrating pet peeve of mine--rather than write out the story that makes sense and have the main point of the love triangle make a choice and stick to it, the third point of the triad was simply written out. In this case, Neal essentially killed himself via his own stupidity, allowing Emma to angst about losing him without actually having to tell him she wasn’t in love with him and wasn’t going to choose him. (Veronica Mars pulled something very similar with the Logan/Veronica/Duncian triangle in season 2--rather than admit within the narrative that her relationship with Duncan was built on flimsy feelings of infatuation bc of their history, and a ‘stability’ that didn’t really work for who Veronica was at her core, he simply got written out of the story, running away for Plot Reasons and never forcing Veronica to confront the fact that she wasn’t actually in love with him and hadn’t been for quite some time.)

I think that in OUaT, the love triangle could have worked if a relationship between Killian and Neal was not only established in the past but developed in the present--Killian was in love with Neal’s mother centuries earlier, and something I’m actually really upset we never got is the two of them talking about Milah and maybe Neal getting some closure for his mother’s abandonment and someone apologizing to him for what they put Baelfire through as a child--giving stakes to Emma’s choice beyond ‘one of them will be all uwu sad that he wasn’t picked’. It also would have worked much better if we were given any reason for Emma to still have feelings for Neal in the present beyond the history they shared, which caused Emma nothing but pain for the last decade and change. If Neal had treated her more fairly--if he’d treated her like someone he actually cared about and even still loved, rather than blaming her for things that were his own fault and undermining her belief in her own abilities, among other things--then their relationship might have been strong enough to stand on its own opposite Emma’s relationship with Killian. I don’t think it ever would’ve been a relationship that appealed to me, personally, but then I could have at least enjoyed watching the three of them grow together and seeing all of their relationships grow and change.

So, ultimately, TL;DR: I do like love triangles, conceptually, but there are a few requirements they must meet for me to feel anything other than irritated at the inclusion. One: there must be at least three equally important relationships between the three characters. If it’s just one character torn between her (or his, but it’s usually a woman) feelings for two unrelated people, that can be compelling for a short time but ultimately I’m going to be left feeling frustrated by her refusal to just make a damn choice and put me out of my misery. Two: there should be some sort of development in each relationship which makes the presence of the triangle narratively significant. Why is it important for one character to have conflicting romantic feelings for these two other people at the same time? What purpose does it serve either their character arcs or the story as a whole? While I am both a Bangel and a Spuffy shipper, I’ve never considered Angel/Buffy/Spike to be a love triangle--they are very different relationships that she had at very different points in her life, and while her feelings for Angel never really went away (and do cause some angst for Spike near the end of btvs) they are never really competing for her affections in any meaningful sense. If that competition does exist, there needs to be a compelling reason why. And, as a further addendum to this point, I need to at least understand why the main point of the triangle is invested in each relationship, even if I don’t ship it and actively dislike or even outright hate one side of the triangle. (I loathe stelena, but I’ve always understood why Elena was in love with him in the beginning of the show, for example. And before s5/s6, I was really pleased with how the show handled her feelings for him and finally allowed her to grow and move on from them.)

And finally, three: the triangle needs to be resolved at some point--and, when it is, it needs to stay that way. Where TVD ultimately lost me (aside from the ridiculous plot contrivances and rampant character assassination) was the refusal to let the love triangle die a natural death when it is what the story called for, and all three of their characters, their relationships, and the show as a whole suffered massively for it. So, when the primary point of the triangle makes a choice--particularly if she had made one choice in the beginning of the story, but it was clear that she was ultimately moving towards choosing the other side as she grew and her feelings and relationships grew and changed with her--let that be the end of it. Move on to exploring what that choice means for the main pair and the party not chosen, sure--maybe explore their feelings about not being chosen and how that affects their relationships with both of the others afterwards--but don’t constantly tease the possibility of the ‘losing side’ getting back together just to keep shippers invested. It’s only going to hurt your show and make everyone look callous and stupid.

Alternately, a final possibility: make it an ot3 instead. But again, if the other three conditions aren’t met (particularly number two, and its addendum; if I don’t understand why the main point of the triangle is in love with both other points, an ot3 is unlikely to resolve that issue and I’m only going to wind up resenting it), then this won’t work, because it’s just going to wind up a lopsided and stilted mess of a relationship that leaves me wishing the offending point of the triangle had been killed off just so I wouldn’t have to keep hearing about them.

[my-bated-breath]

Rage, Compassion, and the Bridge in Between

An essay on Katara’s emotions

On the spectrum of human emotion, rage and compassion exist on opposite ends. After all, rage is harsh and violent while compassion is soothing and nurturing; rage is unforgiving while compassion is all-forgiving. As such, they run a parallel course to each other, one canceling out the other whenever they do meet.

At least, that’s what we expect. We expect anger and kindness to be separate entities, and our media reflects this - a character is either severe or gentle, and in the rare case that they’re both, the contrast between their ability to hurt and their ability to heal is treated as a dichotomy. Except the human condition is not that simple, and sometimes, there is a not-so-simple story that remembers that.

In Avatar: The Last Airbender, Katara embodies the human condition - or more specifically, she embodies the duality within it. Throughout the show, her tenderness and her wrath are balanced in a way that renders her one of the most well-written female characters in children’s animation, perhaps even in all of television. Because Katara’s anger and compassion do not simply split themselves into two identities. Instead, they coexist and coalesce into one. They drive each other; they feed into each other; they are two sides of the same coin.

But how can that be true when opposite traits are supposed to clash and counter each other’s effects?

There’s no denying that at times, Katara’s anger and compassion serve to show two different sides of her. We even see this within the very first episode:

(on left) Katara: No that's it! I'm done helping you! From now on, you're on your own!

(on right) Katara: He's alive! We have to help!

At first, Katara’s irritation towards Sokka is what causes her to accidentally waterbend the iceberg open, in which the transcript describes her movements as “agitated.” However, as soon as she sees Aang, this irritation is replaced by concern for “the boy in the iceberg.” Hence, within a few minutes, we see how Katara can be motivated by compassion and rage separately.

Still, just because her kindness and anger are shown to be separate in many scenes that this separation applies to every scenario. Although Katara’s two opposite traits are opposite, that does not mean they are always opposing. Instead, they can fuel each other - her rage can fuel her compassion, and her compassion can fuel her rage.

Let’s see how.

Part 1 - Katara’s Rage Fuels Her Compassion

Throughout the series, Katara shares her grief over her mother’s death as a way to sympathize with others. In “The Southern Air Temple,” “Imprisoned,” and “Jet,” Katara tells Aang, Haru, and Jet about the effect the Fire Nation raids had on her, which establishes some of the most emotionally-charged scenes in these episodes. She is at her most vulnerable during these moments, laying bare a deep-rooted trauma in order to reach out and connect with someone else.

Dialogue from The Southern Air Temple

Katara: Aang, before we get to the temple, I want to talk to you about the airbenders.

Aang: What about 'em?

Katara: Well, I just want you to be prepared for what you might see. The Fire Nation is ruthless. They killed my mother, and they could have done the same to your people.

Dialogue from Imprisoned

Haru: Yeah. Problem is... the only way I can feel close to my father now is when I practice my bending. He taught me everything I know.

Katara: See this necklace? My mother gave it to me.

Haru: It's beautiful.

Katara: I lost my mother in a Fire Nation raid. This necklace is all I have left of her.

Haru: It's not enough, is it?

Katara: No.

Dialogue from Jet

Jet: The Fire Nation killed my parents. I was only eight years old. That day changed me forever.

Katara: Sokka and I lost our mother to the Fire Nation.

Jet: I'm so sorry, Katara.

However, these moments seem to distinctly lack any hint of anger from Katara’s end, so it may seem irrelevant to mention them here - that is, until we remember Katara had mentioned her mother one more time. Trapped in the Crystal Catacombs with a former enemy, she once again says that the Fire Nation took her mother away from her - but this time not with sympathy. No, this time she is filled with rage.

Dialogue from The Crossroads of Destiny

Zuko: You don't know what you're talking about!

Katara: I don't? How dare you! You have no idea what this war has put me through! Me personally! The Fire Nation took my mother away from me.

As Katara sits down, tears forming in her eyes, it becomes clear that her grief has festered into bitterness and anger towards the Fire Nation. By now, her grief is her anger, and so it’s not just shared pain Katara is empathizing within all four of these scenarios - it’s also shared rage.

She is gentle with Aang because she knows the effects of loss (inducing the Avatar State); she is sympathetic with Haru because she knows what she would be driven to do to have her mother back (inciting a prison break by stirring the prisoners’ righteous anger); and she is moved by Jet’s dedication to the Freedom Fighters because she would fight for the Southern Water Tribe too (against the Fire Nation, although Jet’s rage blinds him in a way that Katara’s doesn’t).

Then, in the Crystal Catacombs, it’s Katara’s anger towards the Fire Nation that uncovers her hidden pain. Her vulnerability is what causes Zuko’s words (“That’s what we have in common”) to resonate with her so much, enough for her to offer to heal his scar.

Therefore, Katara’s relationship with anger and grief (whether it’s emotionally-driven similar to how Aang enters the Avatar state or self-righteous similar to her calling the earthbender prisoners to action) is the foundation for some of her most compassionate moments in the series.

Part 2 - Katara’s Compassion Fuels Her Rage

Just as some of her most sympathetic moments are rooted in understanding someone else’s rage, many of Katara’s harshest moments see her acting on the behalf of others’ pain and needs.

As the designated “mother” of the Gaang, the Gaang’s more silly and immature antics often aggravate her and cause her to reprimand them severely, a clash that features prominently in Katara and Toph’s relationship.

In “The Chase” and “The Runaway,”  Katara shouts at Toph for lacking a sense of responsibility. However, her indignation does not simply stem from taking personal defense, but from wanting to safeguard the family she has found in the Gaang. Then, both these times, Toph learns the true motives behind Katara’s overbearing actions through a conversation with Iroh and Sokka, respectively.

Dialogue from The Chase

Toph: People see me and think I'm weak. They want to take care of me, but I can take care of myself, by myself.

Iroh: You sound like my nephew, always thinking you need to do things on your own, without anyone's support. There is nothing wrong with letting the people who love you help you.

When Toph talks with Iroh in “The Chase,” Iroh imparts some wisdom on finding mutual support in friendship, implying that Katara pushing responsibilities onto Toph is her way of solidifying and upholding the loving and supportive dynamic within the Gaang.

Dialogue from The Runaway

Sokka: I'm gonna tell you something crazy. I never told anyone this before, but honestly? I'm not sure I can remember what my mother looked like. It really seems like my whole life, Katara's been the one looking out for me. She's always been the one that's there. And now, when I try to remember my mom, Katara's is the only face I can picture.

Toph: The truth is sometimes Katara does act motherly, but that's not always a bad thing. She's compassionate and kind, and she actually cares about me. You know, the real me. That's more than my own mom.

As the dialogue states, “Katara’s been the one looking out for [them].” Hence, her mothering tendencies towards Toph in “The Runaway” are evoked by her wanting to avoid the danger that Toph’s high-profile scamming is beginning to place them in. In other words, she simply wants to protect her makeshift family because “she actually cares about [Toph and the rest of the Gaang]. You know, the real [them].”

Katara’s ability to empathize with others, to see past facades and prejudices, is one of her defining traits. Earlier, in the episode “The Painted Lady,” Katara manages to see beyond the people of Jang Hui’s Fire Nation background and recognize that above all else, they are suffering from war and poverty. Consequently, they are people who need her.

As such, even the notion of abandoning the people of Jang Hui (as suggested by Sokka) enrages her because Katara is someone who “will never, ever turn my back on people who need [her]!”

Still, Katara’s desire to fight for a village of strangers cannot compare to the lengths she would take to protect Aang.

Dialogue from The Western Air Temple

Katara: You might have everyone else here buying your… transformation, but you and I both know you've struggled with doing the right thing in the past. So let me tell you something, right now. You make one step backward, one slip-up, give me one reason to think you might hurt Aang, and you won't have to worry about your destiny anymore. Because I'll make sure your destiny ends ... right then and there. Permanently.

While Zuko was a bystander as Azula shot lightning at Aang, he was an active participant in his fight against Katara, whom, just moments ago, he shared an incredibly intimate moment with. But despite how Zuko betrayed Katara personally, it is the impact his betrayal had on Aang’s life (and death) that she focuses on. So even at her most threatening, Katara acts to protect someone else, Aang, the boy who is her friend and her family.

Together, all these instances reveal that Katara’s compassion is what grants her a protective instinct, and her protective instinct is what moves her to anger and violence.

Conclusion

Katara’s character provides invaluable insight into the relationship between compassion and rage, revealing how it is not simply black contrasting white, but a spread of grays and contradictions. After all, that is who Katara is. She is two sides of the same coin and the bridge in between.

Even more, that is the human condition - full of grays and contradictions, simultaneously negating and reciprocating, balancing and tipping the scales all at once. And perhaps human emotion, in all its breadth, cannot be contained to a two-dimensional spectrum where emotions can either be placed close together or on opposite ends - because humanity is of infinite dimensions, constructed from science, dictated by art. And yet, somehow it is a two-dimensional animated character who captures human complexity with such ease.

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

5/28/2022 DAB Chronological Transcription

Psalm 111-118

Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible Chronological. I'm China. Today is the 28th day of May. Welcome. So great to be here with you guys today. Excited to be here. And also it's like a bittersweetness. Today is the last day that I will be with you guys in the month of May. And I just always love to reflect mainly because I feel like once I became a mom I realized how truly this sounds so cheesy. So I'm like, don't say it, don't say it. But I'm going to say how fast time goes. And I'm thankful for technology where we can capture photos and look back and reflect on them. And I find sometimes when I look back on photos I'm like, oh my gosh, that went by so quick and I feel like I didn't savor that. And it's hard to totally savor every single moment that doesn't feel realistic when you try to hold onto it and grab it, it just feels like sand falling between your fingers. And so there's like this weird dichotomy of like I want to savor every moment and also like I can't. So I just like to have these moments of reflection just to be like, okay, I don't remember what the first day of this month looked like, but if I was contemplative and just had a moment to reflect back and to ask myself where I saw the Lord the most and where I really felt Him and what I was sensing from Him and just to kind of steady myself and who he is in his presence and then to move forward from that, one of my favorite things that I've ever really been told is how you leave one season is how you'll enter the next. So I think how you leave one month is how you can enter into the next. And even though there's like a day that barriers it, but still just being able to have gratitude and thankfulness even if you're like, oh my gosh, I can't wait for the calendar page to turn and we are no longer in May again, just to sift through and to find the goodness of the Lord because it is there. Even if all we can see, all we can remember, all we can think of is all the really hard moments. And so not to discredit them, but also to just invite the Lord and ask him where he was. Those are my thoughts for being with you here on the last day. I know it's not the last day of May, but this is my last day with you guys in the month of May. Today we are in the Book of Psalms. We are in chapters 111 through 118. We finish off today with the New English translation.

Commentary:

Has really been highlighting to me, just in full transparency, like something that I struggle with is conditional loving and trying to break that and I'm trying to unlearn behaviors and what I've seen and counted as love and trying to you know break that. And it's honestly pretty tricky and pretty difficult. And to just realize that I'm not having to figure out what unconditional love looks like, I can do research on it, but I'm not without it. I'm not without an example. I'm not without a God, a King who loyally loves until the end that his loyal love endures. And that in itself just feels honestly mind blowing that that exists and that that's available, but that it's also being extended to me. And that's how I'm being loved by the Lord. And when you get that concept and when you feel that and when you are feeling safe in that and you're grasping it and you're realizing it and you're feeling it, you start to have this own wrestling in yourself. I'm like, okay, I'm reflecting on my own behaviors, and I'm hearing the voice of the Holy Spirit who's very gently convicting and saying, this is not what unconditional love looks like, and this is what unconditional love looks like. And just whispering in my ear like, hey, let's try this again, or let's go ask for forgiveness and let's apologize and let's serve here, and let's try this. For me honestly, that's where I hear and sense the Lord the most is those invitations into who he is and not feeling like I have to do it in my own strength, or muster it up in my own creativity and trying to figure it out or learning it myself, but rather the Lord in his infinite goodness and who he is as Father, showing me who he is just by being who he is. And I think some of the things that like I get twisted with, and I think others can relate to it too, is if we feel this self developmental thing that we're trying to tweak or improve on and we feel like it's up to us to get it right or to make it better, or there can be condemnation around it, or just kind of like a self hatred around that talk, or those topics about ourselves. When in reality, the Lord is actually just like, Wait pause, time out. I am the opposite of this. I am what you were searching for. You being the person who is like, how do I make this better? How do I like overnight this personality trait? How do I make this quality better? That doesn't happen. And that's also not the point. The point is that the end goal is to be more like Christ. And I don't think you become like Christ in one night and you just like got it down. I think it's this evolving dying to self and having to be like, oh, man, hey, I'm really sorry I got that wrong. Can I try this again? And having to swallow your pride to even go and say that and to have to take time to cool off and you know just all of these practical steps that are human and also that the Lord is showing us. Like the Lord is on our side, he's our helper. I look and triumph on those who hate me. It is better to take shelter in the Lord than to trust in people. Like that. We don't need to look inward to find the answers. We don't need to look other sources to find the answers when the Lord has them. He's the one that would much rather hold us and say, hey, I want to show you this. I have the answers for this. I want to be the one so that may not resonate with you, but that's kind of like my personal wrestling with myself and also just wrestling to trust like, oh, Lord, okay, it's not a bother to you when I come to you and say, Lord, can you help me in this?Would you give me grace or peace? Or would you remind me what your mercy feels like because I feel far from it? Or I feel like I can't come to your table and ask for this? So when I read scriptures that say, his loyal love endures forever, or his faithful love steadfast love and some different translations, steadfast love endures forever. That's a pretty big deal. What a great big concept when we are really focused in on that, my gosh, anything can be transformed.

Prayer: 

And so, Father, I just thank you for your word. I thank you for scripture that humbly reminds us that you are for us, you are with us and you love us and you know us and we are taken care of by you. And so, Lord, I just pray that we would feel a sense of drawing near to you, that we would be drawn into your heart and that we would feel you and know you and trust you. And it's in your name we pray, Amen. Announcements: 

Well, it has been such an honor to get to read the Bible to you in the month of May. And I hope that you get to have some time to reflect and to be with the Lord. And I just personally struggle with jumping from one task to the next to the next to the next to the next. And then I get to the end of my day and I'm like, oh, Lord, I'm so sorry I forgot to invite you into this and to this, and I could have handled that better. And I just always feel the Lord saying, let's try again. I'm here right now. I just want to be with you. And that's what I sense from him. And so just to have these moments of reflection doesn't have to be forever long. It can literally be as long as you want it to be, or what feels necessary. And to just pause and reflect and give gratitude and to praise the Lord for he is worthy. That is all for today. I'm China. I love you, and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer Line: 

Good morning, DABC family. This is the Burning Bush that will not be devoured for the glory of our God and our King. I heard a prayer request from our sister Samantha from Tennessee. And she called about her brother who's in the Navy and his girlfriend who's a Marine. So first off, thank you for your service, for your family's service. God, we want to pray for these two, this couple today. God, I pray that you will bring peace to their lives, come against ungodly counsel. In Jesus name, God, may your truth reign supreme in their hearts. I pray give them support. I pray for mental stability and mental health. In the name of Jesus, I pray for emotional health and Jesus name, most importantly, Holy Spirit. I pray that you strengthen their spirits and send to them people that will be lights that will bring your light into their lives. At this moment, Lord, I pray for peace, reconciliation. In Jesus name, God, we pray for Samantha as she seeks to support her brother from afar. God, that you will provide her the wisdom to assist him and to offer Godly counsel. In Jesus name, I thank you. Praise you. Amen. I love you all. I'm pray you guys are having a great week. Today's the 19th of May. And yeah, look forward to hearing from you guys. I listen to you daily. And God bless. Hey, DAB family, this is Simone calling from Houston, May 21. And I heard, I think she wants to be called MC from Fullerton. I may have gotten it wrong and I think I said, this is Simone from Houston driving home from work, and I just wanted to encourage you. The Bible says we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. I've had an extremely difficult life and I'm not ashamed of it. Was abandoned by my mother at birth, molested as a child. My first sexual experience was rape at 17, had my first child at 20, went on to get married and stayed in that marriage for almost 15 years and it was toxic, walked away from it. Was divorced with three children with my youngest child being autistic. Three years ago, I heard God say to me, move to Houston, Texas. And I fasted and prayed for six months. And God sent confirmation after confirmation, after confirmation. So I quit my job of almost 15 years, moved to Houston, Texas. Didn't even have a full-time job and just started over. Fast forward three years. I'm in the medical field. I'm studying to become registered in the medical field in a certain area. And I love my new career and I love my new job. And God has opened so many doors and windows. I haven't wanted for a single thing, my son and I since we got here three years ago. And I just wanted to encourage you. I'm 46 years old and I started over three years ago. You can do it. It can be done. Trust God he is faithful. And just you know try to tune in to him and try to hear his voice. And figure out what it is he wants you to do and where he wants you to be and go. And you can't go wrong if you do that.

Hey, DABC family, this is Lady of Victory on the evening of Friday, May 20th. This message is for Brother TJ from Virginia. Bra, all I'm going to say is yes sir and Amen. You were right on. Spot on from a mother, and I loved hearing it from a child's perspective because as a mother, now moms and dads are totally different. But from a mom's perspective, yes, we've we will do whatever it is we need to protect our cubs. I'm speaking like baby cubs or our children. Sometimes to a...most times to a fault. But to hear you say from the child's perspective that we need to stop. That was powerful. And I'm sure that that helped any mother out there. Mostly moms, I'll say, but any dads. So thank you so much for sharing that from your heart. I'm grateful to God that you got it together, that your mom finally saw the light, if you will. Doesn't mean that she didn't love you. But like you said, she had to release you to the hands of the Lord. And that was just powerful to hear. So thank you so much for sharing that and keep sharing your testimony because we need to hear it. So God bless you. May the Lord continue to shine his face upon you and grant you peace. And in these unstable times, let the peace of God guard your heart. Thank you so much for that. You be encouraged. Hey, guys, this is Whitney. I'm trying to be a little quiet recording this so my kids don't hear it, but I really need prayer. I've been sick for two weeks, and my depression is just really getting a hold of me right now. My anxiety is out the roof because we're very possibly fixing to lose our home. I'm a single mother of three with a collapsed disc in her back, and I just feel like I can't do anything to fix this situation or make this situation better. So please, if you can just send up for prayer for me and my kids. Thank you. Love you all.

Hey DABC, family. This is Tammy from Southern Oregon. I just heard God's Sunshine from California call in about the legal battle that she and her husband are involved in concerning their business. There's some upcoming tests coming up, and then they can go to mediation. Oh, God's Sunshine, I could hear how tired you are in your voice. I could hear that the whole situation has just taken its toll on you. I just feel so badly for you. So I just want to lift you and your husband up in prayer. And so heavenly Father, I just lift God's Sunshine up to you, Lord, and I just ask for you to intervene in this situation like you have been. And I just pray that you would give them rest, Lord, that they would find their rest in you. That you would give them peace and you would give them the energy that they need to continue pursuing the truth. And Lord, I pray that the truth would come out and I pray that the enemies on the other side, Lord, would just flee and more importantly, I pray for the hearts of those in the opposition, Lord, that you would be revealed to them, Lord, that God's Sunshine and her husband would be such an incredible witness to the other side that they maybe would have a change of heart or I just pray that it would all rule in the favor of truth and Justice, Lord and if there's something to be learned by God's Sunshine and her husband, I just pray that you would make that known to them. Just thank you for your faithfulness, Lord Jesus. Amen.