#because i cut bridges
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The notes are so funny bc here are the 'downsides of being an only child' that are literally not unique to being an only child and more of a parenting/situational thing really:
- "It's lonely!/Siblings are built-in friends!" One of my brothers played with me out of a sense of necessity because we were not allowed to be with other kids and he deeply resented me for that, which made for a bad relationship and me being extremely alone all the time anyway. I'd rather have skipped the hatred (on his part) and heart break (on mine) and gone directly to playing alone. I have literally never had an intimate conversation with any of my 3 brothers (except literally One time with one of them) but I've had countless of horrid fights (with me or witnessed). Hell is other people, etc.
- "All the attention is suffocating!" I was monitored 24/7 and pretty much never left alone, up to a point where my bathroom time was also monitored. My brother actively and voluntarily participated in the monitoring at some points.
- "You get unconditional support as an adult!" I've been in a lot of trouble since I was 17 and they've never helped, not materially or emotionally.
-"You have more people to build happy memories with!" My brother got married 3 days before I was back in the country (he set the date way after I had bought my plane tickets and also he actively chose to hide it from me) and still blames me for being upset because "it was a ceremony for closed loved ones only anyway" (I guess I wasn't counted!). That's just the most egregious examples in a long, long list.
I get grass is greener ect but what bothers me is that it reinforces the idea that sibling relationships are *always* a net positive, in a very "nuclear family is sacred" way
Like I'm not venting for the sake of it, I've been no contact for 4 years and it's great, I'm just frustrated that it's so goddamn hard to get people to acknowledge sibling abuse, or even get them to *not* perform shocked incredulity at the idea. Especially on tumblr, THE website where people talk about parental abuse all the time and understand that sometimes you really cannot salvage the relationship and it truly is detrimental
All I'm saying is stop assuming that things would be better with a sibling around. You don't know that! Believe me, things could be so much worse with a sibling around.
The good news is you get to choose your friends and siblings as an adult! :) Life can be sweet not matter who your nuclear family is! You're not a failure for not experiencing the hegemonic ideal of siblinghood! It's okay!
#sibling abuse#this is wild to me#and concerning bc again its this mentality that prevented me from cutting contact earlier#which would have greatly improved my early twenties#this is not me saying that cutting family off is the only option yada yada i hate this disclaimer#sometimes when you are lucky enough that you're not financially dependent on them it is the best option though#also i hate the sentiment that its the parents who have failed if siblings dont get along#in some ways yes but sometimes the circumstances are so out of the parents control and this is a very punitive framework#the main reason why my mother cant accept my decision is because she had deeply internalized that she has failed her entire life#because i cut bridges#which is horrifying! Ive told her many times that im beyond assigning blame and i dont think its a personal failing of hers#but the societal expectation is so deeply ingrained#truly at this point theres nothing she can do and ive told her explicitly that i want her to be happy and let it go#like its so crazy i dont tell people irl that im no contact with my brothers because the judgment is so pervasive#literally theyre doing well im doing well (minus the illness lol) who cares!#god the notes are worse than i thought... so much suspicion at people who have siblings and say they would rather not#someone literally its 'evil'#we're never making it out of the nuclear family mentality
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Breaking Bread, and Spilling Soup [Bonus art]
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#jiang yanli#jin zixuan#The amount of times I had to double check my spelling for Jin Zixuan...#Why does he have to have a cousin who's name is just one letter off...why...#I originally wrote out WWX asking for an update on his sister more explicitly - however even the Audio Drama has LWJ pick up#on the fact WWX wants to hear news about how JYL is doing. Though I'm certain he knows how much it will sting.#This might be official somewhere - but I personally believe that LWJ made the stop in Yiling to run into WWX to share the news.#Three days feels like a remarkable short time to tell someone about a wedding...though I imagine this wasn't LWJ's first attempt.#Maybe he delayed because he felt like it was not his news to share. Maybe he tried for weeks to find him.#Regardless...ouchie! A fun reminder that Jiang Yanli still means a lot to WWX even if he did cut ties with Yunmeng Jiang.#How many stabs to the heart did this feel like? To not be invited at all? To know she's marrying someone you fear will treat her poorly?#To know that the world and people you left behind haven't stayed stagnent. That they are moving on and moving away from you?#It never feels good to be left behind. Even when we burn the bridges with our own hands.
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NO | MEGHAN TRAINOR
Jiang Cheng, our favourite asexual girlboss + his asexual girlboss anthem 💜
#jiang cheng#did I make this whole video for the gag of 'if I wanna man then Imma get a man'#over JC grabbing and dragging NHS away? maybe so#sorry there's an Odd pacing moment towards the end I had to cut out the bridge because I simply did not want to do it ✌️#the untamed#also billie pointed out the hilarious irony of JC walking into the temple to 'untouchable untouchaaabbbblleee' on repeat#when he is almost IMMEDIATELY stabbed and then emotionally eviscerated dsklfjdklfs#she wanted me to include that the end but no. this is JC's girlboss anthem. I wouldn't do him dirty like that.#but please feel free to imagine it dsjklfsjkflsf
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“Red team was so selfish looking past the cursed team like that” listen man they were thinking about it often, and had evidence they were cursed too. They were convinced they were cursed too. Bad (with Pierre’s help I’ll be honest) singlehandedly destroyed any sort of civil relations and good faith between the two teams and this shot Blue in the foot when they tried to make the case about them being cursed last minute, about trying to rig it in the cursed teams favor.
There was never a cursed team in the first place, it was all a tactic to build paranoia and that feeling of betrayal and to get them to tear eachother a part. And it worked super well! At the end, neither would listen to the other about their evidence, not with an honest open ear, not with the willingness to think the other team could be cursed. It’s not a case of ‘Red just refused to listen because they wanted to win more than they cared’ they thought they were cursed too - if they were selfish, then so were Blue in the same way.
Every time Red had tried to talk first early on, it was met with extreme violence - and with Bad consistently proving he’ll play dirty to win, they didn’t trust Blue enough to listen to them in the later game. Maybe they should have listened then. Maybe Blue have listened earlier. The game worked as intended to set them against eachother.
#link is to another post I made back when they were debating about the cursed teams in purgatory and why red couldn’t trust blue and blue#couldn’t believe red. they were both stuck#and bless Tubbo he tried. he did try. but he was just as convinced he was right as Phil at the end. it was about convincing one another#more than it was about coming together and piecing together the evidence. yknow what I mean? they all cared about it but because of tension#and they also could not trust blue. which sucks because that’s hardly Tubbo’s fault but yknow#I dunno. it’s not simple like that. it’s not a case of red blowing it off being selfish not caring. they also thought they were cursed#AGAIN I’ll say it again bad burning bridges fucked a lot of them over for when diplomacy had to win because there could not be benefit of#the doubt or good faith or any sort of trust#it’s not just cut and dry red wanted to win more or blue wanted to win more. it was complicated and had way more factors#red thought they were cursed too!! they had solid evidence for this too!!#and like. again it’s a case of both parties kinda suck purgatory sucked it was always going to be like that because the game worked as#intended#idk. blue should have listened to red early on. red should have listened to blue later on. they were never going to do that on either side#idk from Tina’s pov it’s understandable why she said what she said. but knowing the others pov and what actually went down that’s not what#happened at all yknow?#they’re all gonna be feeling the effects of ‘we killed and betrayed eachother for two weeks’ for a while to come#mcyt#qsmp#qsmp purgatory#z speaks
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newsies star trek au. you agree
(WOE. BEARD RACE BE UPON YE)
#i love the tng uniforms a bunch (normal about costume design) so it’s tng-era wbwbw#these are also most of the people ive thought up roles and things for#for now#feat. a whole bunch of spot (cat) because cats are funky#(spot (cat) has no relation to data’s cat wbwb)#(also no relation to spot (human))#she’s sarah’s cat but honestly considering how often she escapes sarah’s quarters and wanders around she’s basically the ships cat at this#point#one time jack came to the bridge and spot (cat) was just. in his chair and it was a Time#(spot (cat) hates anyone who isn’t the jacobs siblings crutchie or spot (human))#also jack and davey were referenced from a picture of kirk and spock because ofc#newsies#newsies star trek au#jack kelly#david jacobs#sarah jacobs#spot conlon#racetrack higgins#katherine plumber#katherine pulitzer#les jacobs#crutchie newsies#wbwbwbw#anyways#star trek au beard cut when?#<— does exist#man this is a block of tags#im so sorry#con doodles
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Me 15 min after leaving home trying to go a new route
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/645343116ff469baadc50ddf0b2effc9/6bb44b523907c0fb-82/s540x810/0080375cae1ab7fd06e000a6cc135ad57fc71648.jpg)
#I am so fucking bad at direction you don’t know#i ran past the shop I was looking for five times back and forth until a friend came and pointed that I just ran past it towards them#also once I took a bus home… I thought before it turned to the bridge leading out of town.#then I also got lost at winter 10 min from my own home because I tried to short cut in a place I spent my whole life at#my ability to get lost is unmatched#ichi the witch#madan no ichi
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Arsay//Azem
#ffxiv#Lethe Nu#ffxiv azem#ffxiv gpose#posting these on their own because I did a lot of work to get that good match cut effect#The curve of the flower path matches the curve of the bridge#the tone of cyan match between the two#eye placement matches up#little differences in their expressions despite that though!!#the way arsays collar mirrors the draping of the hood#endwalker spoilers#WOL posting#Arsay Nun
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/93e83199a5be12090e7e19829d059782/f631d5384c772610-7a/s540x810/ceb8cd972052542efeee7d6271f2616510fc9ec9.jpg)
Absolutely unbothered
#rogue trader#the fact I didn’t notice the dead body the first time because i was laughing at the smash cut from the bridge to the bed#look how normal and chill they are :)#do you think marzi pays that guy to stand in my room by the hour or is it a flat wage
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he sat there on the ground and cried. for cas. cas told him he loved him was taken away and he buried his head in his hands and wept
#AND THEN THEY TRIED TO PRETEND LIKE IT WAS FINE? and after the widower arc#it wasn’t even as nearly fucked then this time all their friends got thanos snapped and we don’t even get canon confirmation that they were#brought back. even with covid not even a vo or offhand mention or reference#jack is god and in every drop of rain or whatever.#sure yeah whatever they beat the final boss and got over the protagonist angst of it all but the world was still the same it just wasn’t a#chuck story which only ramped up to being The Big Problem in the season 14 finale.#cas was stabbed by an angel blade and dean broke while wrapping his body for the funeral pyre. ALONE. and was. not doing well#and you tell me it’s whatever after he sat there in that dungeon refused to answer sam’s calls and cried during the complete and total end#of the world. that he just bounced back from that and died and drove around heaven for decades in a few minutes and smiled while americana#electric guitar played on some bridge#cas helped oh that’s nice I guess smile now I have GOT to go drive my car around. because I did not get enough of that in my time on earth.#unlike my time with cas which I am satisfied with and in no need of closure. perhaps a conversation. looking upon him to see him alive and#well. healing some of that trauma of the last time I saw him. a reunion hug maybe even which has become tradition. CUT THE CAMERAS deadass#he’s going for the face touch. no this we cannot possibly have time for we have to play carry on wayward son twice#sorry. it has been three years. sorry. it’s just so funny buddy your ass did NOT escape the hamster wheel
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Sometimes I think about those "full [band] discography but only when the title of the song is said" videos and how a Sparks one would be impossible to make
#my baby's taking me home would be literally the entire song#minus the bridge i guess and a couple pauses when it's just instrumental before returning to repeating the title again#the funny thing is that even with earlier songs there's just. so much of repeating the title. oh god#this did not only start in the 00s era at all#anyway just a funny thing to think about. it would be so fun if it existed but i'm not the one who's going to take on that challenge#i have the big beat album downloaded so i guess i could try with that one. see how that would come out and how much work it'd take#and if some song titles really do take up like half of some albums' runtime. because that's my very bold estimate rn#WAIT NEVER MIND ABOUT THE MBTMH BRIDGE the title is also said in the backgroubd here i forgot#so you'd only be able to cut out like maybe 10 seconds out of this one at most lol#so maybe this would actually be pretty easy to do. hmmm well.#goosepost
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make me choose:
klapollo or miego for the gifset thing :00
or just wrightworth if we're feeling wrightworth-y ✨
(@cooliostarstache)
“The years have passed. The mystery has been solved... and our friendship has finally been restored. I'm happy."
#mmc#phoenix wright: ace attorney#wrightworth#narumitsu#phoenix wright#miles edgeworth#it would have been miego#but you made the mistake of giving me a third choice and baby i am ALWAYS feeling wrightworth-y#also the lyrics are the bridge to taylor swift's dress#with one line cut cause it didn't make sense#i've been considering making a gifset of them with it for ages#thank you for giving me a reason#ALSO PLS SEND IN MORE MAKE ME CHOOSES#I AM ALL OUT#PLEASE GIVE ME AN EXCUSE TO BE CREATIVE BECAUSE I AM FINALLY FEELING CREATIVE BUT I HAVE NO IDEAS
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finally have internet for the first time since friday morning after being fortunate enough to manage evacuating appalachia... our beautiful mountains and communities are in ruins... was stuck in my house for days with no water and power they dont know when we'll have either back because we're in the sticks... im losing work because i had to leave town and i dont know what im going to do financially... im extremely lucky our home wasnt damaged but seeing the destruction of my community has certainly left an impact on me mentally that i still havent begun to process... things will never be the same after this... please keep appalachia in your thoughts
#the damage is just...#i really cannot wrap my head around it#the landscape itself has changed because of this#sinkholes mudslides rivers overflowing#roads and bridges collapsing cutting off communities and rural homes#its been an absolute fucking nightmare#we all need therapy after this#appalachia#send the region help please if you can spare anything#txt
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day 21 was to draw something only using black and white!! bonus lineart cause i Love how it looks
#incredibox#incredibox fanart#evadare#rafe#30 day challenge#sparks creations#idk this was was easier than i thought#maybe because of my experience with print-making#the stamp kind where you roll ink onto a carved surface and then press it onto a paper#i carved multiple prints out of soft cut and you only had two colors(the ink color and the paper)#And it was harder cause i couldnt go back once i cut something#rafe is so handsome and pretty and for WHAT#i added a bump in the bridge of his nose on purpose cause i thought it would look good on him#and it DOES <3<3<3#it kinda disappeared in the final piece a little but thats because of shadow so :[#hes so gorgeous<3<3<3<3
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So I've only played Baxter's step 4 (and 3) once so far so maybe I missed the options to lead me down the path I wanted, but for the first time in this game I felt pretty railroaded.
So for context, I did get romantically involved with him in step 3. Was okay breaking things off when he left because I understood a long-distance relationship wasn't feasible but I had hoped to stay in contact as friends and didn't appreciate him shutting that down. But I did respect his wishes and not even bother reaching out to him when it was clear he wanted to cut ties entirely. I chose the "for better or worse you don't really care anymore" option about how I felt when step 4 kicked in, because I'd like to believe I would be over any pain/anger from a brief fling from five years ago.
Of course, then you unexpectedly reunite and he proceeds to continue trying to freeze you out WHILE highkey reminiscing and wanting to relive all the good moments you shared, which is confusing and frustrating.
I was wanting to play things in a sort of "once bitten, twice shy" way. I was open to giving him another chance and wanted him in "my" life again, but only if HE was also willing to put in the effort. Beyond getting answers for his behavior and why things are the way they are, I actually DIDN'T want to be pushing to be part of his life. Not while he was still pushing me away. Why should I be making an effort and getting hurt repeatedly when ANY kind of relationship (not just a romantic one) takes work and dedication from BOTH sides?
But this is where the game absolutely failed to provide me the stance I wanted, which in turn make the entire resolution to the conflict not sit well with me. Once Baxter started opening up about WHY he cut ties and was continuing to be avoidant, I felt very "but thou must" about the choices. Again and again, 4-6 choices with slightly different tones/connotations that ultimately serve to reinforce how we want to help and be close to Baxter as opposed to any other more complicated or negative feelings towards him.
I understand that we're meant to like Baxter and I'm definitely not UNsympathetic to his severe self-worth issues and how that affected how he sees all relationships, but for the first time I feel like the story prioritized painting HIM in such a good light that it forgot to account for a protagonist that was anything other than 100% willing to continue loving and throwing themselves at someone that had ALREADY pushed them away and hurt them before and was CONTINUING to do so.
Why should "I" have to keep chasing relentlessly after someone who repeatedly rejects me? Why do I essentially have to keep bashing my head against this brick wall even when it's obviously bad for me?
What I desperately wanted but felt denied by was a confrontation that led to compromise. I wanted to be able to clearly express "my" hurt/anger and make it clear that while I cared about him, I WOULD NOT keep endlessly trying if he wasn't going to meet me halfway. I cannot single-handedly save the bridge that he is burning, he actually has to STOP burning it for us to get anywhere.
But no, it is only after you prove that you WILL keep trying and caring about him NO MATTER WHAT, no matter how much he continues to hurt and reject you, that he is able to overcome his issues and reciprocate. And really, what's doubly unsatisfying is... aren't we just validating his insecurities this way? It's literally by proving ourselves so stubborn and kind (to our own detriment) that he truly believes we'd never give up on him that he can trust and reach out in turn. Whereas if I had the option to make it clear HE has to work for this if he wants it, then he genuinely needs to face his problems and decides he cares about us more, that we are WORTH the risk.
A relationship takes two... but in this case I felt FORCED to do about 95% of the work in pursuing him AND playing therapist for him. It would have been much more satisfying if, after he rejects you one too many times, you CAN say "screw it" and give up on it just for him to finally turn around and be the one trying to chase YOU instead. I was frankly already pretty fed up with things, but by the ending when he avoided us AGAIN at the wedding (AFTER he'd opened up, more than once, and just generally made it clear that he DID care about you; truly this man is a master of the mixed message) I wanted DESPERATELY to just be able to say "fine, if you won't make an effort then I won't either" and leave it at that. If I was just allowed to express that dissatisfaction and hurt, then him coming around and trying to forge a true, long-lasting connection with us despite his uncertainty would have been so much better.
#our life beginnings & always#olba#conceptually i really like baxter as a character. and the framing of his step 4 was pretty neat#i did enjoy the way it continually referenced significant moments from step 3 to show how he genuinely cared about that summer (and us)#but i was frustrated that we basically had to give him endless and unconditional love before he decided we were worth trying to keep#because frankly i'm somewhere between a pessimist and realist. and my love IS conditional#i might not immediately and coldly cut ties like he could. but if you push me away and hurt me enough i WILL give up eventually#i'm not going to keep pouring my love into an endless abyss that gives nothing back. so i hate that the story basically MADE ME#honestly what baxter needs more than anything is a goddamn therapist. his issues hurt everyone around who wants to care about him#so if he truly wants to change then he needs professional help instead of leaving that kind of emotional labor to innocent bystanders#again i want to reiterate. i like him conceptually and as a character. and i kind of love how starkly he contrasts cove#since cove is very open about his (many but typically smaller) issues and is easy to comfort#whereas baxter is. well. a brick wall. he has one core problem that he is INCREDIBLY guarded about#and that problem unfortunately means he's damn near impossible to just communicate with and get through to#anyway as much as i do like baxter if this truly is as railroaded as it felt i probably won't play his step 4 again#i'm hoping if i go in more obviously hurt/upset from the start (i tried playing more neutral initially) that will get me somewhere#i definitely don't want to do anything to hurt the wedding planning. but i want him to meet me halfway#and if he CAN'T i'd genuinely prefer going our separate ways and letting that bridge stay burned than what i got my first run
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#having a time again#I fucking hate rsd#I hate just feeling the overwhelming urge to go scorched earth and abandon everyone and everything I’ve ever known#I thought I had it under control and it got triggered again recently#and it leaves me fucking exhausted and regretting all my life decisions in the end#hate fucking relapsing#hate being unable to read people’s minds#being built fucking Wrong#and having people hate me for reasons I’m not even Aware of because I can’t pick up on it and no one just fucking Talks#no one just Says when they’re bothered they let it fester and then it’s My fault#I didn’t Completely burn this bridge yet but god I am staring at it with a lighter and gasoline in hand#all that’s stopping me is that what I’m about to burn meant and still does mean a lot to me but#I can’t keep fucking doing this#it always ends like this#it never fucking changes and I don’t know why I bother I should stay in my little hole Alone where no one can hurt me#and I can’t accidentally hurt anyone else#idk man#having a fucking time#and maybe I shouldn’t even be Talking about it here#becuase who cares it’s social media#but if I don’t spill my guts Somewhere then I’ll fucking explode and cut ties with Everyone in my life at a trigger’s notice#and I need to pour this out somewhere Else#so I Don’t do something I know is Bad#in a moment of fucking rsd anxiety panic attack#lays down under my rock and dies#becomes a mushroom#if I’m a mushroom I’ll have no more problems#the mushroom hive mind will understand me and I will understand the mushroom hive mind
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It's weird that on the "cops lie" website the DA fandom somehow thinks game studio executives ... don't
#like. i can virtually guarantee that no. those flaws were vastly not intentional#yes. they are going to say they are. yes. they want you to believe they are.#they are a business. with very business-minded upper management.#there is no scenario where an AMA is allowed to happen and anyone is allowed to admit “yeah we dropped that ball. that one too”#there is no scenario where a (still employed) writer will publicly admit “sorry guys I know you wanted X but Bossman said we had to do Y”#“yeah we know this bit of lore or that chara should have been involved. but XYZ sequence got cut and they gave us 3 days#to figure out how to explain it“#like. the bosses make the holes and the writers have to figure out how to build the bridge#they have a bucket with a hole and a broken spatula and a pot of coffee. and like. seven bricks. “now build a wall”#like??? did we forget how the industry treats game creatives?? or do we just want someone convenient to shit on#because that whole C-suite might be a gender neutral toilet but y'all are pissin on the janitors#dragon age#fandom critical#i guess? idk
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