#because he made the wrong choices out of desperate confusion. because everyone in this show is so human

[creature-once-removed]

.

[afroditisworld]

Nobody

Sirius Black x insecure!Reader

Warnings: graphic bullying, use of mudblood, use of pet names (luv) if you are not into that please do not read.

word count: 5k

Being a muggle-born at Hogwarts was not easy. You were not popular, but you didn't care. What was important to you were your close friends, who embraced you for who you were. But Avery, a pureblood wizard who had a talent for tormenting anyone who didn't conform to his ideals, had taken a particular interest in making your life difficult. And being introverted didn't help; you were an easy target for his devious schemes.

You knew that Hogwarts was supposed to be a place of magic and wonder, but it often felt like a dark and lonely place for you. Avery would call you mudblood, make rude remarks in class, and even trip you in the hallways. But you refused to show him that his words and actions affected you.

Your friends could tell how badly you were hurting and did everything they could to help you. They even encouraged you to speak with your teachers. You knew deep down that your friends were right; you should speak with a teacher about what was happening. But every time the thought crossed your mind, fear held you back. Fear of making things worse; fear of being seen as weak or unable to handle the situation on your own. 

It had become a vicious cycle; Avery's bullying behaviour continued because he knew he could get away with it. And the longer it went on, the harder it became for you to break out of that pattern.

Avery's taunts and pranks appeared to get worse over time. He would usually see you in empty hallways or classrooms, making rude comments about his belief in your lack of magical abilities. You tried to ignore him, but it was becoming more difficult. You were trying to convince yourself that if you were patient, things would work out and that you could handle one more year since it was your final year. Your friends immediately noticed something was wrong, and they would always ask what was bothering you. But the answer was always the same: "It's fine, I'm fine. But you were lying first to yourself and then to them. 

As the year dragged on with no change in sight, you were desperate for something to break the monotony. And then it happened in Slughorn's class. When he asked to work as a team of two on an advanced Potions assignment, you were about to speak up and ask to work alone, as you always had before, but before the words could escape your lips, a figure slid into the seat next to you.  

"Excuse me." The boy's voice suddenly cut through your thoughts. You turned to see none other than Sirius Black, the infamous troublemaker of Hogwarts, standing beside you. "Do you mind if we work together? My seatmate is feeling sick, so...” Sirius continued. As someone who preferred to work alone, you were not used to being approached for group projects. But with Remus missing classes due to his monthly transformations, it seemed Sirius had no other choice.

“Y-yeah sure… Um, I don’t mind,” you replied with a slow nod. 

"So, what's your name?" Sirius asked. As Sirius asked for your name, you couldn't help but feel a pang of loneliness. How could someone not know a student in the same class as them? 

"Y/L/N, Y/L/N, Y/N," you answered quickly, feeling invisible compared to his charm and presence. 

"Sirius Black," he introduced himself, but the words felt hollow to you.

“I know who you are,” you  commented of course everyone knew who he was. But as your own words slipped out without thinking, seeing Sirius's confusion only made you feel more insignificant.

“Um, we-we have been in the same class s-since first year. That's why.” You continued, trying not to sound awkward, but failed. 

Sirius' eyes widened as he realised his ignorance after six years. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, his voice sounding odd and disappointed.

"Oh, it's fine. It's not the first time that something like this has happened to me." You blurted out, immediately regretting your words as a wave of awkwardness washed over you. You quickly averted your gaze back to the professor, hoping to avoid any further social mishaps.

As you scribbled notes in your potions textbook, a mix of disappointment hit you as you observed him not even attempting to take any notes; maybe he expected to do all the work. But that wasn't true. Sirius was on his own mind, thinking that Hogwarts wasn't even big enough to not know all the students in his year, but here he was to prove that wrong. 

When the class drew to a close, you began gathering your things. Sirius leaned over and asked, "How are we going to do this?" You were confused; you didn't know if he was genuinely offering his help or trying to avoid the project altogether. Before you could respond, his friends called out to him, and they left with a promise to catch up later. 

When he shifted his attention to you, he realised you were still packing your stuff.  

"I'll wait for you outside, okay?" he announced, and you responded with a gentle "Okay" and a nod. 

As you were about to leave the classroom, your professor's voice stopped you. "Miss Y/L/N, the potion will be far simpler to accomplish if you work with a team." Slughorn leaned back in his chair, observing you with a sly grin. "I've heard you prefer to work alone," he continued. Before he could say anything else, you interrupted him. 

"I'll work with Surius Black," but you didn't know if that was true. 

When you left the classroom, you instantly noticed him. Sirius Black leaned against the wall. He waved for you to see him, but it wasn't necessary; he was always seen.  He was Gryffindor's golden boy, both pure-blood and Black who always managed to stand out. He possessed everything you didn't. 

As you approached him, his voice rang out in your ears: "So, how are we going to tackle this?". You furrowed your brows, unsure of how to respond. Working in a team was unfamiliar territory for you, leaving you at a loss for words. 

"Um...how do you usually work?" you asked, tilting your head to the side. 

"Oh, Jamie and I just joke around while Moony does all the real work," he chuckled, adding to your confusion. 

"Moony?" you inquired, looking up at him curiously. 

"Remus," he clarified with a nod of his head. 

"So...I can handle the potion then; no need for-" you started to say before Sirius cut you off. 

"No, no, no, that's not what I meant. I want us to work on this together," he interjected eagerly, causing a small smile to grace your lips. 

"We can meet tomorrow after classes in the library if you're free," he suggested. 

You were ready to tell him that the library was your second home, where you spent most of your time lost in books or studying, but decided against it to avoid sounding too pitiful.

So you simply nodded and said, "Yes, it's fine with me," with a slight smile.

"Great, it's a plan then," he stated before leaving.

 But before you could move on to your next class, you heard a familiar voice calling for you. 

“Oi, mudblood,” you heard Avery’s voice, but you decided to ignore it, starting to walk as fast as you could. But he and his friend group didn’t seem to want to leave you alone. 

So he called you again. “Oi, I’m talking to you.” Avery's voice was harsh and grating, cutting through the air as he continued to call out to you. His friends snickered and whispered amongst themselves, adding to the cacophony of mocking voices. And yet, there was a hint of mocking in his tone, a cruel edge that made your skin uneasy.

Your heart raced as their footsteps grew louder and their presence loomed closer. Even if you tried to get away from them, they would always catch you, and you knew it when you felt Avery’s hand in your hair pulling you back at him.

"Where do you think you're going?" Avery sneered, his grip tightening on your hair. The fear in your eyes only seemed to fuel his cruel amusement.

He made you look at him; your eyes were full of tears, and your heart started beating faster.

"When I'm talking to you, you better listen. Show some respect," he said, and a painful whine left your mouth. You heard all of them laughing at your pain, and you couldn't do anything other than look down. You felt so small and pathetic.

"Oh, poor mudblood." The cruel voice of Mulciber pierced through the air, making fun of your blood status. "You and Black, such a perfect match, a mudblood and a blood traitor," he said disgustingly.

As Avery let go of your hair, tears streamed down your cheeks. You stumbled away, feeling the weight of their hatred bear down on you. You hurried to your next class, trembling and glancing over your shoulder to ensure no one was following you. Even as you ran, the hurtful words echoed in your mind, a constant reminder of the division and disapproval that filled the wizarding world.

The next day, you couldn't stop thinking about your study with Sirius; it was the first time you'd work on a project with someone you didn't know well, and you were nervous, not knowing how to act because it was new to you. So as soon as the classes finished, you rushed to the library; you didn't want to be late. You found your usual seat available, and you waited for him. But as time ticked by and he still hadn't shown up, you couldn't help but feel abandoned and forgotten. Maybe he had other priorities or forgot about your meeting altogether. Defeated, you resigned yourself to working alone.

You began to gather your materials by finding books that would help you with the potion and the things that you would need. After half an hour, your desk was filled with books, and the library started getting busier. When you were ready to sit at your desk and start the research, a book caught your attention. It was about Greek mythology. And, oh, how you love it! you started flicking through the pages with such interest that you didn't hear someone getting closer to you.

"So here you are." Sirius' playful voice brought you back to reality. He even scared you so much that you flinched, and as a result, the book fell from your hand.

"You came," you said, biting your lip and trying to hide a smile.

"Of course, I came, Y/N; we said that we were going to do this together," he commented. You kneeled to get your book as you smiled. His answer made you feel relaxed.

"So, where were you? For a minute, I thought you stood me up," he laughed.

"N-no! I, um, I was right there," you said as you showed him with your hands where you were sitting.

When Sirius looked at your desk, which had a pile of books now, he left a small chuckle and said, "That's why I didn't see you; I don't think that I have ever come to this corner of the library."

"Well, it's really quiet there, even on the busiest days of exams; it's always empty. It's like my secret place; well, not anymore, but you know…" you said, looking away, feeling that you overshared again. Sirius smiled warmly and said, "I won't tell anyone about your secret spot, I promise." and you couldn't help but smile back.

"So what's all that?" he said as you got closer to your desk, which was filled with a pile of books by now.

"Oh, um, I found some books that could help us; um, I thought you forgot, and I started by myself." You said and bit your lips.

When you took a seat, Sirius sat next to you. You started explaining the books you found and how they could be useful for the project you were working on together.

You didn't know what time it was, but the library was empty by now, and you had made so many notes that your hand was hurting. You left a small groan and turned to look at Sirius, who was already looking at you. 

"Luv, we can do it together tomorrow if you are tired," he commented, making you blush with the nickname.

Sirius noticed it, of course; he also noticed your shy personality, how you talk softly, and how you always seem to put others before yourself. It was one of the things he admired most about you.

"Tomorrow?" you asked, tilting your head.

"Yeah… What? You don't like my company," he asked, teasing you.

"No, no, no, it's not that, I swear," you said immediately, shaking your head.

Sirius smiled playfully at your reaction. "I'm only teasing you, Luv," he said, making you blush once again.

"I just thought you would have other things to do on your Saturday," you said as you both started getting your stuff ready to leave the library. 

"So what are you reading?" he asked as you picked the book you were interested in before. 

"Oh, it's about Greek mythology; I'm really into it. You know Circe was a witch who lived in ancient Greece; she was a minor goddess who was said to transform sailors lost around her island of Aeaea into animals via the use of enchanted food." You said with one breath. When you saw Sirius's shocked face, you looked down at your hands as you murmured, "Sorry, I get easily excited," with an awkward smile. 

"Don't apologise; it's nice to have something to get you this excited," Sirius said as you left the library. 

"Do you?" you asked, eager to learn more about him. 

"Oh yeah, for me, it's music that's keeping me excited. Mostly muggle music. Do you know, um, David Bowie, Led Zeppelin, Queen, ABBA? They are singers and bands," he asked you. 

"Of course, I know them," you said with a smile. "I'm muggle-born after all, Sirius." You continued. 

Sirius's eyes widened; he didn't expect that you were so smart and you were always studying—at least this was what he understood—that he thought you were from a strict pureblood family that he didn't know about. 

"It doesn't matter," he said immediately as he saw your smile drop. "I just didn't know," he commented, trying to justify his reaction. "But who's your favourite one?" he asked, attempting not to make things more awkward than they already were.  

"Oh, Fleetwood Mac," you said with a nod as Sirius smiled at you, happy with your answer. "Yours?" you asked. 

"Led Zeppelin," he told you. 

"So you like hard stuff?" you said with an innocent smirk. 

"Yeah, luv, I like the hard stuff," Sirius said, grinning at you, making you blush and look away to hide it. 

And so the days passed, with you and Sirius studying together and hanging out for reasons other than studying. You two had gotten pretty close by talking about your interests and teasing each other about them. When you were with Sirius, you felt like someone else, and he made it easy for you to open up because he was always listening to you. So you began to wonder if something might change during your final year at Hogwarts. But, oh… How stupid were you?

You were having breakfast with your friends, talking about how you would spend your weekend when you told them that you had a study section with Sirius, and all of them smirked at you. 

"You know, I'm starting to believe you have a crush on Sirius Black." Your best friend said. 

"N-no, no, we are just studying really," you said immediately, trying to defend yourself, but the truth was that you were starting to like his company a little bit more. Your friends saw that and decided to drop the conversation. 

"We are heading outside," one of your friends said. "When you are done, come find us," she continued with a smile. You nodded, but you couldn't stop thinking about what they said earlier. Was it so easy to understand your crush on Sirius? 

"You know, when I said you and Black would be a perfect match, I didn't really mean it." Avery's cold voice broke your thoughts. "He would never like you; you're just a mudblood." He said and with a laugh, he left. 

You couldn't move. The only thing that was playing on your mind was, 'How does he know?' You tried to act like nothing happened and like what he just said didn't affect you. But it did. And Surius noticed that. He noticed how your expression changed when Avery talked to you. And he was surprised with himself because Sirius couldn't even understand when his friends were mad at him. 

"Is Y/N okay?" he asked his friends without thinking. 

"Who's Y/N?" Peter asked. 

Sirius then shook his head towards you, and all his friends—Remus, James, Peter, and Lily—turned to look at you. 

"Oh, the lonely girl," James said with a smile, relieved that he knew you, winning a death stare from Lily. James didn't mean to offend anyone; he simply didn't think twice before speaking. 

"Oi, mate," said Remus, looking at James. "I know her; she's always in the library," Remus continued looking at Sirius now. 

"Why wouldn't she be okay?" Lily asked. 

"And since you care ?" James butted in. 

"Um, well, Avery was talking to her," Sirius answered Lily, never taking his eyes off of you.

A small "Oh" left Lily's lips and continued, "He's been making her life difficult since the first year. She's his easy victim, you know because she's muggle-born." 

Sirius didn't even think twice; he just stood up and started getting closer to you. 

"What about my question ?" Was the last thing he heard from his table, coming from James. 

When Sirius came and sat next to you at first, you didn't notice him.

"Y/N." His soft voice made you look up at him. "You good, luv?" he asked, and the stupid nickname gave you butterflies, forgetting for a little what had happened before. 

"Yeah, I- I'm fine," you murmured with a nod. "Do you need something, Sirius?" you asked him gently. 

"No… Actually, I'm just checking," he replied. "I didn't know that you were friends with Avery," he said, trying to make you open up to him. 

You shook your head instantly. "We are not; he just, um, he just wanted to ask something."

Sirius didn't expect this answer, so he asked again. You just nodded, and before he could say anything else, you left him alone. As you were leaving, you couldn't only feel his eyes on you but his friends as well. 

You started walking away from the Great Hall as fast as you could because the only thing that you wanted right now was to lie on your bed. 

When your body hit the bed, the only thing that came to mind was that you could handle Avery's attitude because, after all, you were strong. The minutes ticked by, each one feeling like a heavy stone on your chest. Shadows danced on the room's walls as the sun set. The silence and solitude were overwhelming, leaving you feeling restless and bored.

So you decided to get up and find your friends, who were very concerned about you. But a few minutes later, you regret your decision. 

"You and Black are pretty close." It was Snape's voice that made you stop moving. You closed your eyes, and you could feel your heart beating faster. "Yeah, Y/N, I thought we were your only friends," said Avery with a humiliating laugh. 

"I-" you tried to defend yourself. But before you even had the opportunity to say something more, Snape pushed you, making you fall with your back. 

"I don't think that you told him anything, right mudblood?" said Snape as Avery was pushing you down with his feet. 

A small, painful whine left your mouth, and you looked up at them. "What? Are you scared of him, Snape?" you asked. 

Snape didn't answer you, but Avery did. "You wish, mudblood. Dare to tell him anything, and I swear to Salazar, I'll kill you," he said, and with that, he left you alone.

You stood up; your lips were trembling as you tried to hold back tears. Snape's cold eyes bore into yours, sending a chill down your spine. The threat from Avery lingered in the air, leaving you feeling more weak than ever. You quickly wiped away the tears and squared your shoulders, refusing to show weakness in front of Snape. Taking a deep breath, you turned and walked away, determined not to let them see you break. 

And this is how you end up spending your Saturday evening in the library; you didn't have the energy to go hang out with your friends, and you just needed something to make you forget about the whole day. So you went to the library to do what you knew best: study. 

"I knew that I could find you here." Sirius interrupted your studies with a cheerful voice, making you look up at him. 

"You were looking for me?" you asked, confused, tilting your head quizzically. 

"Yeah… you looked tense this morning, and I didn't see you with your friends after, so I- I was kinda worried," Sirius told you, surprised with himself and with a small smile as he played with his hair awkwardly. The Casanova boy was surprised by himself; he noticed you like he had known you for years. He noticed the way you reacted when Avery was close to you and how you avoided his question this morning, and he even noticed that you weren't with your friends. If Sirius didn't know himself better, he could say he was falling for you.   

"Um, sorry for worrying you; I was just tired," you answered by lying. 

"Don't apologise to me, Y/N; come on," Sirius said, feeling sick that you felt the need to offer an apology. You opened your mouth to apologise to him, but you closed it once more. 

"Are Avery and his friends bothering you, luv?" he asked with a sad smile. 

You shook your head right away. "What? No, um, where did this come from?" 

"Well, this morning-" he started saying, but you interrupted him.

"Don't worry about me, Sirius; everything is fine," you said as you stood up to go find some books that you needed for the project, trying to get away from this conversation. But Sirius followed you through the aisle of the bookshelves.

"But are you fine, Y/N?" Sirius spoke again, making you look at him and give him a painful smile.

"Of course," you said as you pulled him by his wrist to follow you. You really liked his company; he made you forget all about your problems, especially when he wasn't talking about them.

"So you did the project all alone?" he asked playfully.

"Well, almost. I really wanted to do something, and it was my only unfinished assignment," you answered him. Then you stopped moving tip-toeing to get the book that you needed, but you couldn't reach it.

"Let me get it for you, luv," Sirius whispered with his husky voice, his hand gently brushing yours as he reached for the book. His closeness and touch sent a wave of tingling sensations throughout your body, making it hard to focus on anything else.

You took the book from Sirius, trying to steady your trembling hands. "T-thanks," you stammered, avoiding his intense gaze as you pretended to focus on the pages. 

When you looked down, your hair fell to your face, and Sirius couldn't help himself but reach out to tuck a loose strand behind your ear, his fingers lingering on your skin for a moment longer than necessary. The small gesture sent your heart racing, and you couldn't help but wonder if Sirius felt the same electric connection between you both. With his index finger, Sirius made you look at him; you were a blushing mess. 

"Love it when I make you blush for me," Sirius said, and before you could even progress what he said, he leaned down and kissed you. His lips were warm and soft against yours. A shiver ran down your spine, causing goosebumps to rise on your skin. It was a moment filled with passion and longing, leaving you breathless and wanting more. 

"Sirius," you breathed out. You felt your face getting hotter again; you knew you were blushing. You tried to hide your face with your hands, but Sirius was quicker. He gently pulled your hands away, a smirk playing on his lips as he looked into your eyes with adoration. "Don't hide your pretty face from me, Y/N," he whispered, his thumb brushing against your cheek. The intensity of his gaze made your heart race even faster. You felt like Sirius genuinely cared for you like he had noticed you. Like you were finally seen by someone. 

Sirius's hands hugged your face, and before he could even reach for you, someone called his name. 

"Sirius," said Remus, and with the sudden interruption, you flinched and got away from Sirius's touch. 

"James was looking for you; you have to go to practice, you know." Looking once at Sirius and once at you, the tall boy spoke. 

"Did I interrupt anything ?" He asked as he noticed your flushed face. Sirius rolled his eyes at him and then looked at you again. 

"Look, luv, as much as I would love to sit here and help you with our project, I have to go to practice or James would kill me, and we don't want that, do we?" He said with a playful smirk as you shook your head, biting your lips, and tried not to smile at his cockiness. 

"I- I can give you the result later if you want," you said shyly. 

"Perfect, I see you by nine in Gryffindor's common room," he said, turning to his friends and leaving. Before they could even disappear from your sight, you heard Sirius talking.

"Bad timing, Moony, bad timing." and a small smile was placed on your lips. You were so eager to get this project done so you could spend some time with Sirius.

 So once you were done and the clock was showing 9 p.m., you hurried to Gryffindor's common room, hoping he would be there. So when you were inside —some first years had opened for you— you heard Sirius before you saw him. 

"I think Avery is really messing with Y/N; maybe Lily's right," Sirius said. You tried to stay still and not make a sound. You knew what you were doing wasn't right but you couldn't appear now when he was talking about you. 

"Did she told you?" Remus asked him. 

"No, she didn't; actually, I think that she hasn't told anyone," Sirius replied to him. And suddenly, it didn't feel nice to be noticed. Sirius read you like a book, and he displayed you to his friends. You didn't want to sound so miserable, nor did you want everyone to know your problem. 

"How are you so sure, then?" A new voice asked him, Maybe it was James or Peter you didn't know. 

"Her mood is always changing when he's near her, and sometimes I feel like she's scared that he will appear from nowhere." He said again. He made you sound so miserable; you weren't a scared little girl that you needed his help; you could handle it all alone as you did the last seven years. Even though everything he said was true, you felt sad when he talked about your problems with someone; you couldn't even recognise his voice.

"You have known me since the first year, and you can't even notice when I'm mad at you." The unknown voice said again. 

"Oh, come on, Peter, we are talking about some other kind of noticing here; he cares for her in another way," Remus said with a playful tone. You hold your breath, ready to hear Sirius answer, which would make you forget about your second thoughts. But that never came. 

"Yeah… I mean, no, no, it's just sad. I feel bad for her; she's having some difficult times," Sirius stated, making your heart lose a bit. 

Remus breathed out; that was what Sirius always would do: push himself away if he felt emotionally vulnerable. It was frustrating, but Remus knew it was his way of protecting himself.

You felt so empty; he felt sad for you. That's why he noticed you and asked you questions that no one had. Did he kiss you because he felt bad for you?

"Sirius…" it was Remus's disappointed voice that stopped your heartbreaking thoughts. "If it's for pity, you have to stop giving the poor girl hope." You couldn't stand listening to them. You couldn't even stand thinking about what they were saying, so you just left, running from your room. You weren't just some poor girl who needed Sirius Black's pity or his rescue. 

So when you didn't appear in Gryffindor's common room, Sirius was worried sick. Why did you not come? Did something happen to you? Did he make you uncomfortable? But no, he kissed you, and you kissed him back. Maybe you didn't finish the project, or maybe you were too tired. He didn't know what happened, but he would find out the next day, or this was what he said to himself. Sirius was a man with a plan. 

So when he entered the Great Hall and saw Avery at your table, he forgot everything about his plan. 

"I was expecting better from you, Y/N. I thought they were saying that you are smart, but falling for him... Come on, he's Sirius Black, and you are, well, you are a nobody…" Avery said making you feel so small. When Sirius walked into the room and you both saw him, Avery laughed. 

"Poor Y/N, I bet he's talking to you just because he feels sad about you. He's pitting you, but he shouldn't; you are a filthy mudblood after all." He continued. Sirius was now closer, but he still couldn't hear what Avery was telling you. 

"St-Stop it," you said, cringing when you heard your voice cracking. Avery knew what to say to break your heart, and he was doing it intentionally. 

"Oi, Avery, why haven't you shut up already?" Sirius basically shouted, making the whole hall turn to look at you three. 

"Oh, look who's here, the prince with the saviour complex," Avery sneered, turning his attention from you to Sirius. Sirius took a step forward, his eyes blazing with anger, as he prepared to defend you against Avery's cruel words. Every word that was leaving Avery's mouth was hitting you like a knife. 

"Sirius, stop," you managed to say quietly.

"You heard her, Black; your princess doesn't need to be saved," Avery said with a sarcastic smile. 

"Talked to her one more time. I dare you." Sirius said, getting closer to Avery as his eyes darkened. 

"So protective," Avery said as he left you two alone, laughing at both of you. 

"You okay?" he asked, looking worried at you. But when he looked at you like this, the only thing that you could think of was how he talked about you last night. He tried to hold your hand and come closer to you, but you backed off.

"No," you said, looking at him madly and shaking your head. Before he could say anything else, you left him alone, walking away from him. 

"Luv, wait," he called you, but it was too late. But Sirius knew where to find you; you had shown him your secret place, and two minutes later he was facing you again.  

"Why did you leave like this before?" he asked you with a confused look. 

"Obvious, because I want to be left alone, Black," you replied to him without even looking at him. 

"Y/N, what are you even talking about I just… for Merlin's sake I just want to help you" he said trying to catch your eyes. 

"I'm fine I don't need your help or your rescue; I'm not your problem to fix." You said, finally letting out all the things that had been weighing on your mind since last night. 

"No, you are not fine; don't give me this bullshit excuse of yours," Sirius replied, not being able to control his anger anymore.

"Okay, I guess I'm the coward who can't accept the fact that Avery has been messing with me for the last seven years, but who cares Sirius?" Your voice cracked as you shouted the last words, feeling the weight of your heartache crushing down on you.

"Who cares? I care, dammit!" Sirius exclaimed, his voice full of frustration and concern.

But you shook your head, your voice now raspy and weary. "Nobody cares, Sirius. You're just pitying me, and I don't want your pity." The words stung as they left your mouth, but you couldn't stop them

"I don't pity you; I care about you," Sirius insisted, his eyes pleading for you to understand. 

"You didn't even know I existed two weeks ago, Sirius. How can you claim to care now?" Your voice trembled as tears continued to fall on your face. "You're just trying to ease your own guilt by pretending to care about me," you added, feeling a mix of anger and hurt in your voice. 

"I'm sorry if it seems that way, but I truly do care about you," Sirius responded softly, trying to reach for your hand again, but again this time you pulled away, feeling the agony of his words tearing at your heart. "Then please, just stop," you whispered brokenly before turning and walking away from him once more, feeling shattered and alone. 

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

reblogs are always appreciated!

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

and i don't want your pity i just want somebody near me

[thedevilrisen]

Prompt Celly - Day Two

Luke Hughes x Y/N

Description: I will be here, by your side, plus you can't hide that fever from me.

A/N: I hope you enjoy! Would be greatly appreciated if you could reblog. I love talking to people so say 'Hi' if you want to. Feel Free to send in requests as well. I'm happy to write for most hockey players.

Warnings: None, I don't think! It should be all fluff and a bit of friendly banter.

-Sincerely thedevilrisen.

My sniffles filled the desolate room, desolate minus the tissues, empty soup bowls and discarded clothes I had haphazardly changed out of this morning after a searing hot shower I had in a desperate attempt to clear my blocked sinuses.

It was safe to say being sick sucked, I believe everyone universally would agree. My phone had been buzzing consistently against the hard wood of my side table for twenty odd minutes and the grinding noise it was making made my headache worse than it already was. To stop the buzzing I had no choice but to pick it up, squinting against the harsh light of the screen looking at the name Lukey <3, 3 missed calls and 37 unread messages.

Shit.

Lukey <3

I swear if you don't answer me I'm coming over Y/N.

Please baby, I'm scared, what's wrong? What did I do?

Y/N, its been two hours, and I didn't get a good morning text.

Fuck this, I'm coming over.

DELIVERED 12:56

the clock on my bedside table read 1:13. It takes about 20 minutes to get here.

Double shit.

Shooting out of bed quickly, too quickly evidenced by the black dots and spinning room, I stumbled around, I picked up my tissues and put them into the trash can in my bathroom, I swept the used soup bowls under my bed and threw the miscellaneous clothes into the hamper.

"Y/N" Luke called thought the apartment.

Scrambling to open my bedside draw, shove my phone in and shut it, I leant over the bed like I was making it as the light from the hallway came flooding in.

"Luke? What are you doing here?" I feigned confusion, finishing pulling up the bed spread.

"I came to check on you, you weren't answering me and didn't send me a good morning text. I got worried." He spoke walking closer.

"I'm alright babe, was just having a cleaning morning, you know I put my phone away when I do that." I sat bad on the bed, he followed and pulled my hand out of its crumpled ball, leaning into me and enveloping me into a hug. He laid a gentle, lingering kiss on my forehead.

"I'm just going to get some water, want to watch a movie?" he asked.

"Sure, I'd love too!" I responded.

"Alright, get settled and pick a movie f'us yeah?" he mumbled into my hair.

"I will. Go get your water, then we'll start." I returned.

Luke's POV:

She's sick. I fucking new it. Not only did her behaviour give it away but her temperature is far too high to healthy. Wandering into the kitchen I opened the top cupboard, snagged a tin of chunky beef soup, leaned down to the draw filled with plates and bowls, pulling one out I opened the tin and watched as the brown viscous liquid sloshed into the bowl. Releasing the latch on the microwave I place the bowl in and let it heat up.

I sent Jack a text, saying I won't be back tonight. Pocketing my phone, I opened the fridge and got out two bottles of water, walked back to the microwave, opened it and pulled out the hot bowl, grabbing a spoon I walked back down the hallway and pushed open the door with my foot.

"Before you say shit," I announced, seemingly startling her. "I will be here, by your side. Because your sick."

"I-but" she rebutted.

"No buts, you were an idiot if you didn't think I would pick up on that fever. Now, I have soup, enjoy." I smiled as I handed her the bowl.

She slumped down on the pillows, mumbled a thanks and pulled the soup and spoon from my hand.

Walking around the other side of the bed, I settled in next to her and picked up the discarded remote to pick a show I know she couldn't resist watching.

Gilmore Girls.

[countlessimagines]

Romantic Homicide [PART ONE][ Miguel O’Hara x Reader ]

Summary: You slowly slip from Miguel’s hands, and it’s too late for him to realize.

A/N: Wanted to desperately make something angsty for Miguel and this song was the perfect choice!

Warnings: None that I can think of.

PART TWO HERE

SONG BASED FIC: ROMANTIC HOMICIDE BY D4VD

-

I'm scared

Miguel O’Hara was not the man you knew anymore. When he first arrived to your dimension, he found love with you, but he never would have admitted it if asked about it. He found a sense of peace and clarity just being with you and having you to hold. You were one of the first recruits that he brought on.

You were the shining star to Miguel’s dark world. He had never intended to get close to someone, after seeing how many spider men lost their true loves. He didn’t want to experience that pain, he felt foolish and naive for falling for you. He loved the way you both would swing next to each other, almost like a choreographed dance.

He was a very passionate person, but there was also the side of him that was cold and distant. At first, that side never came to light. It was amazing recruiting others and taking on the fight together.

Everything had been good… until it was not. Miguel had been messing with another dimension without you knowing, and it was one where he found out that you and him had a child that was orphaned. He thought he could manage being with you and going to the dimension to be with your daughter.

He had been so happy spending time with your daughter who was oblivious to losing both her parents. And he wanted to introduce you to your daughter, but feared you might see it as insane and wrong.

So he kept it a secret for the time being. But Miguel could not handle both dimensions - both lives, and eventually it caught up with him.

He lost your daughter and never told you anything about the double life he led behind your back.

It feels like you don't care

You had felt the change in Miguel. Instead of the open minded, excited-to-save-the-multiverse Miguel, you got the cold and distant lover.

He never intended to hurt you, but he never considered your emotions and what the toll of having to fight so many villains falling out of their dimensions can take on you. You were his accomplice, the person he could count on for everything and would drop anything to help out.

You were strong, but seeing the person who would kiss you so deeply it would make you feel as if nothing else mattered… seeing him slowly become irritable as if the weight of the multiverse was not on both of your shoulders.

Enlighten me, my dear

Why am I still here?

You began to grow frustrated when Miguel refused to join you for a simple meal and got angry at you for trying to make him leave his computers. He stopped showing signs of love and genuine affection to you. The days of sleeping in and messing with Miguel’s bed head, making out upside down on the ceiling, saving universes together were long gone.

At a certain point, you would only stay at the spider complex, helping out new recruits while Miguel would opt to take Jessica instead of you on missions.

You would bite your tongue and resume your duties as to not poke the bear.

I don't mean to be complacent with the decisions you made

But why?

Peter B. Parker was your favorite spider-man simply because he would always bring your favorite food made by Mary Jane and let you hold Mayday. He was your best friend, and the only person who would probably understand the pain Miguel was putting you through.

You had confessed to him the feelings you had bottled up, and he was confused as to where it all came from as Miguel never wanted your intimate relationship known to everyone else in fear of you being hurt.

It pained you to know Miguel wanted to keep you a secret, like you were some villainous person that could easily be taken back to their dimension in an instant. Like you were replaceable… and the thought nagged at you… had Miguel found another you?

Peter expressed that Miguel never even mentioned having a loved one, that he wanted no form of attachment after watching his daughter die in his hands.

You had not even known about his daughter, so the mere thought of him purposefully keeping this a secret made you feel worse. A daughter? Why did he never trust me to know about his daughter? Why did he never feel comfortable telling me?

You began to even question why you still stayed, if it was worth the stress and mental drain to be near Miguel - knowing he was keeping not only you a secret, but possibly more.

Mm. In the back of my mind, You died

And I didn't even cry. No, not a single tear

You watched as the man you loved slowly descended into madness, an obsession to be precise and catch anything and everything that was wrong. It began to feel like he never even slept anymore. He was a shell of a person, day in and day out. Staring at monitors, asking Lyla for help, and then leaving for some type of mission.

It was a horrible cycle that repeated in front of you.

Every time you tried to talk to him about how he was doing or what you could do to help, he brushed you aside and barely even looked at you.

It made you feel sick to your stomach, but you would always turn away, tears ready to fall. You were trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he kept you a secret for a reason… maybe, just maybe there was some type of reason he was acting this way with you.

But eventually you had cried enough over the man who no longer seemed to be the one who would call you his love, and the tears stopped.

And I'm sick of waiting patiently for someone that won't even arrive

You held our hope one last time, you invited Miguel to a dinner in your dimension. You set up your dining room with candles, delicious food, drinks, and a present containing the one single photo you had of the two of you.

But he never showed up. Lyla had sent a message to you telling you he got wrapped up in a mission and couldn’t make it. She seemed apologetic as she delivered the news, and she could tell you wanted to be alone.

You only said “okay” to her before ending the call, standing up, and dumping the present in the trash bin. You left your dining room and collapsed on your cold, unmade bed from when you had last left to be with Miguel.

In the back of my mind

I killed you

The next day, you heard absolutely nothing from everyone. Radio silence. You wondered if Miguel even knew if you were gone.

You stared at your watch that could take you to other universes, take you to Miguel. It was taunting you… a watch to see him but at a certain point, what cost did it come with?

You spent so much time going back and forth for him to not care at all. He was keeping your love hidden away in a room, for no one else to see. And at a certain point, he had forgotten about the room.

Finally, you had enough and no longer wished to have any type of temptation to go running back to him. There was no reason to go back.

You grabbed your hammer and began to repeatedly smash the watch into a million little pieces. Watching it crumble and break in front of you, made all the built up tears come back like a dam breaking open.

You screamed as tears poured, your heart breaking even more and feeling as if it could no longer take the hits.

And I didn't even even regret it

I can't believe I said it

You felt relieved to see the watch gone, to see the life with Miguel start to slip away, in the past.

But a part of you broke with the watch. The time spent with him felt wasted. You neglected your dimension for him and your duties as a spider-woman.

You felt angry that Miguel came into your life in the first place. That he was able to steal your heart and time and everything that made you happy was because of him.

You hated that he made you feel the way he did.

But it's true

I hate you

Months went on, no one dared to contact you in fear of Miguel finding out. He had been angry when he found out you had left, but he knew deep inside of himself that he was the reason why.

He forbid anyone to speak to you, though, because he feared you would make light of your relationship and how he let you slip away. He feared everyone would look at him as a weak, lonely, harsh leader. When he needed to remain steadfast.

You had returned to your normal way of life, learning to love yourself and help out those in need. While it was tame compared to multidimensional travel, it felt better for your soul.

However, one day after having such a long night trying to take down men who put targets on your back, you were wiping dirt and blood off your mask. In the corner of your eye, you could see a portal start to form in your living room. You were quick to put on your mask, readying yourself for it to be anyone.

But to your surprise, the most surprising person stepped through the large portal.

Hobie Brown.

-

Read part two here.

[thrandilf]

okay. for the first time in my life I'm using the #tdp critical tag because I have some things to get off my chest about s6 and I desperately need to focus on an exam for tomorrow and can't and idk I feel slightly out of my mind/wondering if this really is just a me problem but like

this season felt kind of sparse to me regarding character interactions outside of duos they wanted to focus on/letting characters present react to situations. stuff like Amaya not having a comment about Callum not being at her wedding or the Celestial Elves really not having much to say about Aaravos himself despite the Elder theoretically having been around in the days pre imprisonment like

I don't mind that Viren died but I do feel out of my MIND that he and Ezran didn't actually get a conversation, and beyond that that Viren didn't try to pass along any Aaravos information to anyone, and that even if Soren and Viren's relationship was just Maxed Out that we didn't get Opeli and Ezran talking about what to do with him (could've even had Soren walk in and do a Callum S4 moment of 'you ever walk into a room and everyone goes quiet and you know they were talking about you' moment), Opeli reacting/checking on Soren while Viren was imprisoned even if he didn't want to talk to her, there being any verdict about Viren at all and we're never getting anything else out of him again which is why no Ezran and by extension Callum/Rayla/ect feels sort of disappointing to me, as he hasn't interacted with Callum since S1

It's a really good moment, don't get me wrong, but we traded the suspense of thinking Viren had perhaps killed Soren for us getting any last words or gesture from him to Soren face to face

the Celestial Elves gave us info on Startouch Elves in general but not on Aaravos specifically even though the Elder I thought would know more? They aren't surprised at the idea of trying to kill a Great One/Aaravos but there wasn't even a word of warning about if he does get loose or anything Specific about the last time it happened or, if they didn't know anything, confusion about why a Great One is imprisoned like idk

no one had any concern either when getting access to the stars which again, idk, I thought Callum might've been more worried about Aaravos being at the Starscraper and the prison (when he thought he had it) being surrounded by Aaravos's main connection but idk, it didn't matter but I thought it could have

ALSO THE STAVES. HELLO. AT THE STARSCRAPER I JUST

No Aaravos and Callum interaction is also smth I've made my peace about but after the trailer, especially the choice to use that thumbnail for it/as a promo image, idk, I am kind of sad I have to wait until S7 for any of that and now I wonder how significant it can really be/why hes gonna need callum as a puppet now if he's Out and as powerful as he seems to be. we just raised the stakes but had three entire seasons of building towards it, so how can s7 handle getting callum to do dark magic again, theoretical possession/aaravos use, coming back from that, ect, all within 9 eps?

tbh no one really had grief about sir sparklepuff being gone which I guess he wasn't a full Person in anyone's eyes and the focus was all on Claudia/her state which was fine, like we did get some of that nonverbally with Terry at least but we kinda moved right past it. like even one line in ep 9 from terry like "look what he had you do to his most recent child" would have made me go yeah exactly that Mattered but it wasn't there

in addition to no Callum at the wedding Ezran also just sat on Viren being back like idk I guess I wish he'd talked to Amaya more. like I loved him and Aanya I just feel there was room for Both

Listen I'm not one of the people only watching the show for Aaravos and I am delighted with the two episodes we got of him but that he was in more episodes in S3 than in S6 does have me like. cries. really. s4 and s5 i didn't mind in part because I figured stars would be big and it Was but im like oh my god. i got to ep 7 and was like is he REALLY not gonna get out which thankfully he did but only at the end

and the end was like. the biggest cliffhanger we've ever had and i get going for the suspense but it's KILLING ME MAN

I know Aaravos's motivation/goal but not exactly how his actions are leading to that whatsoever as he seems to play every side and doesn't even favor humans if he's willing to torch katolis. unbridled chaos i guess? is that it? I don't even know what to be afraid of next season with him except I'd presume he's going to Xadia next and will Somehow be getting back at the Cosmic Order but idk what the past thousand years have truly been for unless it's waiting around for the stars to align and throwing a fit while doing so

Runaan is out and he and Callum didn't get so much as a sentence between them and that and the Aaravos out but also no conversation double whammy just has me like

PLEASE

at the end of this all this was a more dramatic/cinematic season but it didn't have a lot of the smaller character reaction moments/balance the prior seasons all seemed to give me tbh and it took all season to lead up to highly anticipated events aka letting Runaan and Aaravos out but I didn't get any of the Payoff of that characterwise except for Runaan and Rayla and idk I do feel both like S6 had some of the best moments of the show and also really disappointed in places where it feels like it could have been so easy to have had just a Bit more cohesion and characters plugged into their overarching circumstances/dynamics more

like I think we had the time for it

and going into this expecting a penultimate season and then learning theres a third arc planned, it makes the pacing and lack of aaravos sort of make sense but also has me like, we may not even get that and now I feel like s7 will make or break the Entire show for me which is terrifying

like we got a lot of new info but it was largely not what I was expecting without touching on a lot of stuff I was hoping for and I AGH. i didnt expect this season to continue the build up train and I'm having a hard time accepting that it's the first time tdp has ever like. idk. thrown me such a curveball that it's gotten me honest to god upset which is on me and not the show, and i keep hoping i feel better but so much rides on s7 now

[linkspooky]

Bungo Stray Dogs 104 Thoughts

This latest chapter has shown that despite all of Atsushi’s efforts to be some kind of “hero of justice” he is at heart a scared little child. Atsushi despite aspiring to save people, only sees the world in incredibly strict categories of black and white. Whenever he is presented with a situation that is slightly gray he has no idea what to do. 

1. Black and White 

This entire arc is about challenging the notion of heroes or simple black and whites. After all, the main villain of the arc is a war hero and old friend of Fukuzawa, teamed up with the “Demon” Fyodor to achieve the same objective. The heroes the detective agency, are framed for murder and then are easily turned into villains in everyone else’s eyes no matter how many good deeds they had done in the past. 

The arc itself starts with someone Atsushi refers to as a villain, immediately showing him that he’s capable of feeling remorse for his actions and chooses to murder anyway in pursuit of an ideology. 

This reseponse totally throws Atsushi, and if I had to list a reason why it would be precisely because Atsushi has no ideology whatsoever. His ideals are “Save people”, but even that is something he only believes because it was beaten into him. It’s important to remember Atsushi didn’t form his own morals identity and sense of right and wrong like a healthy individual, he had his current ideas of good and evil beaten into him by his abuser. 

His entire personality is built around trying to please Teacher and be the kind of student he would be proud of, a dead man, who beat into the him the lesson if he is not able to protect others he is worthless, and that evil people are one dimmensional monsters who uses violence to hurt other people. Even the idea that Gogol can have any kind of ideology confuses him because all his teacher taught him was that evil people are one dimmensional villains that only think of hurting others. 

When presented with any kind of situation that’s difficult or requires thinking Atusshi has a hard time coping, because Atsushi’s own sense of self is underdeveloped. 

Atsushi has extremely negative amounts of self esteem and self confidence, if he’s not leaping into danger, or being told what to do he basically has an incredibly hard time making a decision. What he hates worst of all is to have to make a decision entirely on his own as an individual because Atsushi has no trust in himself to make the right choice. That’s basically what having a low-self worth means, Atsushi is continually anxious and indecisive because he lives to please other people and does almost nothing for himself. 

He is etnerally a little boy and while he may have grown stronger he hasn’t really grown up, not really, Beast Au is once again incredibly telling of Atsushi’s mental state. When Atsushi imagines the person he would have liked to become, he imagines himself as a crayon drawing of a superhero being patted on the head by his abusive sensei. He imagines all the happy orphans giving him an applause. It’s a child’s dream and what Atsushi desperately wanted the orphanage to have been instead of the horrifying place he grew up. 

Beast even says it outright. Atsushi is incredibly emotionally undedeveloped, because he is in a much healthier environment now he hasn’t really healed from his initial trauma. He is still essentially trying to earn a dead man’s praise and live the way that man taught him rather than trying to deveop a sense of self or his own identity or figure out how he wants to live. 

If anything, this arc has made it harder and harder for Atsushi to grow in this way, because the detective agency has been scattered to the wind, and he has spent basically the whole time continually running away and in distress. 

So returning to the beginning, this entire time Atsushi has been facing moral greys. They had to make a deal with the Mafia in order to survive and even surrender one of their members. Atsushi had to cooperate with Fitzgerald, the villain he defeated in his great act of saving the city. They are being hunted by war heroes, the hunting dogs, people who are known for obsessively hunting and destroying their enemies no matter what. A team that features people like Tecchou, who take sadistic pleasure in torturing the people they take down. 

People who don’t really care if the Detective Agency are guilty or not, because they are Just Following Orders TM. One of them even engineered the framing of the detective agency in the first place. 

It makes sense that Atushi cannot make decisions, because making your own decisions requires a strong sense of self, independence and even the basic ability to be confident in the decisions you make. Atsushi’s greatest fear however is being alone. The whole arc itself is Atsushi having his allies chipped away one by one until he is finally alone, and he freezes up. 

This is what hapepsn when you live to pelase other people you become unable to think for yourself. Atsushi is so paralyzed by the idea of being alone, because suddenly then all the responsibility falls on him. Atsushi had the idea that if he’s not able to save everyone then he’s not even allowed to live beat into his head. This is not a mentally healthy person who can handle making mistakes. If Atsushi is not the hero he’s no one. He’s destroyed by both the weight of responsibility and the fear of losing everyone and that will mean reverting to his orphanage days. 

Which is where we get to the latest chapter. Atsushi once again is asked to make a decision on his own, and freezes up because he has no idea what to do. Remember as I established above, Atsushi has no idea of morality outside of imagining himself as a comic book hero. His idea of what a good person is is a crayon drawing. His morals are given to him by other people. He mainly follows Dazai’s and the Agency’s plans rather than thinking for hismelf because he is afraid to be alone. Atsushi himself is a caring and compassionate person, but when he tries to talk about ideals to others he has no idea what he’s talking about. 

Which is what the Hunting Dog calls him out on, Atsushi has no idea what he’s talking about he’s only spouting words. The Hunting Dog knowing the full truth decided of her own free will to side with the commander making a moral judgement, so Atsushi who has like no moral reasoning behind his own actions besides “heroes good, villains bad” can’t convince her to take his side. 

The Battle the Hunting Dog challenges him too is an ideological one not a physical one, which is his exact weakness because Atsushi has no ideals besides (save people otherwise you’re a completely worthless person). All Atsushi has to do to leave the room and help others is once again, make a moral decision, decide what is right for himself. 

But Atsushi cannot decide for himself, because he still revolves himself around pleasing everyone else and gaining their praise instead of thinking for himself. WHen presented with a morally gray situation and called upon to do these things for himself Atsushi once again struggles under the pressure. 

On top of that Atsushi’s pose even mirrors the name of the defense secretary who cannot believe Fukuichi’s actions, and begs him to return to being the selfless hero who saved people multiple times. 

The people of this world are begging for these characters to have more simplistic motivations for everything to be about heroes and villains again, but as the story has gone on longer things haev gotten more complex, and it’s up to characters like Atsushi to grow and adapt. To struggle to live in a more complicated way to world even though there is no easy way to live. 

[wildglitch]

SecurityGuard! Denki AU

"So...my job Is to just watch these robots all night?" Denki asked skeptically to the man in front of him.

Said man just gave a too wide smile to the younger boy, sending goosebumps down his spine "Of course! With your 'quirk', you'll be perfect for the job!" He responded, walking Denki thought the old abandoned building that looked like an 80's time capsule

When Denki set out to find a summer job so his aunt wouldn't send him back to Japan, he was prepared to do just about anything to get the money to pay the"Summer Rent" his aunt makes him pay that allows him to stay at her house in Hurricane Utah. But as he looked around at the deteriorating building and the rusting old robots or 'Animatronics' that stood in front of him, he couldn't help but feel a sinking pit in his stomach and a little voice in the back of his head telling him to run.

Looking down at the printed Craigslist ad he brought with him, he read,

HELP WANTED

Freedy Fazbear Pizza

Family pizzeria looking for security guard to work the nightshift. 12am to 6am.

Monitor cameras,ensure safety to equipment and anamitronic characters

Not reasponsible for injury/dismemberment.

150$ a week.

to apply call, 1-888-FAZ-FAZBEAR

The add looked sketchy as all hell and it doesn't take a genius to tell that something is seriously wrong with the old building he was currently in. But by the time he had found the addlisting, it was almost the end of the week and the deadline given to him by his aunt to get a job.

He's desperate ok? As much as he hates having to spend his summer breaks in America and not at home, he knows that if he is sent back because he forgot save to up the money that he was suppose to take with him, as part of the deal his parents made with his aunt to let him stay with her,  he would be grounded until next summer.

So, at the late hours of 2:30am in a sleep deprived haze, a botched resume and a series of not so smart choices later, Denki applied for the Job. The next morning, when he realized what he did, it was already too late, and they wanted him there as soon as possible for an interview.

He got there in a rush, printing out the job listing to look over later and just deciding to not look a gifted horse in the mouth. Who cares if he has no clue what he applied for? He'll probably figure it out.

When he got to the place, He was immediately on guard. Then it got worse when the creepy interviewer showed up with his cheary energy that was just a tad on the far side.

Also, Apparently, this was less an interview, but more of a sales pitch for the job. by what he picked up from the man as he gave him a tour of the building, everyone quits the job either by the end of their first night or some time later.

No one has worked here for more than a week.

The job was basically guaranteed to him. But the real question was with all that he had learned so far plus the non liability forms he was just handed, if he was willing to risk it?

"And you're saying no one has ever worked for more than a week?" Denki asked, looking up at the man

"Yes, and it's such a shame because since so many people leave before the week ends, they don't end up getting payed" The man said flippantly

"Uh huhhhh" Denki started slowly "And these papers?”

"Non liability forms the company hands out to every security guard”

"Riiiiight. Because I can get hurt in this job”

"You will be working with electricity, but I doubt that would be an issue for you” Right, he knew his quirk for some reason.

"I'm more concerned about the part that say 'Dismemberment' actually” Along side the fact that they are apprerantly allowing a 16 year old work the night shift

"I don't see what the issue or confusion is here Mr. Kaminari?" They says tilting his head at him "In your resume you stated that you have experience with machinery and security? and I'm pretty sure we talked about all the job detailes last night on the phone when I gave you your interview”

The what now-

"Here, I even have your job application here" the creepy man says, handing him a piece of paper out of a folder he was carrying

Looking it over, he reads:

 Job Requirements. Must be experienced in security and  electronics. Must be drug free while on the clock. Must not have a criminal record. Must be over the age of 18

DATE OF APLICATION: July 3rd of 20--

NAME: Denki Kaminari

ADDRESS: ‐------ Ohio/--------Mastufusa

TELEPHONE: +#########

AGE: 21

NATIONALITY: Japanese

WORK ExP: 3 year of security in "The nether inco."

EDUCATION: collage graduate

POSITION APPLIED TO: Security guard

Must be over 18 too work here...

...Well shit.

"Well then" Denki said, looking grimly up at the practically rotting robots, 

He felt the buzz coming from his phone telling him his aunt is looking for him. Probably wanting him out of the house. Just like his parents…

Shutting off his phone, he smiles back at the aging man in purple handing back the forms "When do I start?”

Well, he thinks as he signs the the non liability papers, at least if he's injured, he will be able to sue due to their negligence to do a background check on him.

At the gleaming eyes the man had at his words, he couldn't help but think what did he just get himself into.

[gothicgrove]

How does one change enough to face the fear and confusion that shattered and stained memories bring? Complex PTSD is a never ending battle. My perpetual tug into the underworld that coerces mr to maintain complacency in even the darkest of situations. Struggling to feel real in a world that only brought blow after blow, more pain each day with no chance of acknowledgement from those who hurt you. That somehow it always ended up being your fault that they were hurting you. I would wait for someone to come take me away each night, sure in my heart that I must be something different from everyone around me. An alien that had been left here by accident, belonging to some faraway world where everything made perfect sense compared to the one I was leaving behind.

Or maybe I was something worse, some kind of demon that made my family suffer. That every bit of suffering I went through was deserved because of the misfortune I brought onto my family.

When I looked in the mirror I felt afraid. There was something wrong inside of me. I could see it so clearly. There was a monster in the mirror, on the glass window panes, in my shadow, inside of me. I couldn’t sleep either, too petrified that if I moved at all or breathed too deeply something in the darkness would kill me. My dreams were strange, nightmare after nightmare. Sleep paralysis that left me petrified of what was to come. I felt sick. I still feel sick. My mother called me a hypochondriac.

Nevermind that I wasn't allowed to eat at the dining room with her new family. Instead I had to eat off of the floor of my bedroom that I shared with my two brothers while my stepfather got three rooms to himself. That I spent more time away with the Boys & Girls Club than with them. That she would leave me to go on vacation while saying it was for work any time I got sick. Which I would only find out through her Facebook posts. Gee thanks mom, it’s great to see you’re in Hawaii while I’m battling the plague. Anything she could do to push us far away from her placate my stepfather and keep us from invading their bliss.

Then I would go stay with my father for the summers. Along with some amazing times together, I would face a new circle of Hell. As much as I adored him he became a different person when he drank. Alcoholism can turn even the kindest of people into warped versions of themselves. Accusing me of loving my new stepfather more than him as he wrapped his hands around my neck. That was his preferred method of punishment when it came to my perceived wrongdoings on his part.

Still I chose to live with him instead of my mother. The verbal and emotional abuse seemed negligible compared to the loneliness and neglect that swamped my time with my mother. I’d rather be locked in the house all day with someone yelling at me than sit there alone to fend for myself and my older brother. Those years with him were both the most wonderful and painful times that I have experienced in my life but it would all come to an end on April 6th, 2016. The day he committed suicide.

He blamed me before his attempt. My birth had brought ruin and destruction to his hopes and dreams. I was in fact the burden I had tried so desperately with every bit of my love not to be on him. I wanted to save him. I could’ve saved him. Tragically, I was held back by the fear of what he would do to me after I called 911. Knowing he would likely try to kill me when he came back home. I have spent every day since that day regretting the choice I made not to save him. For listening to my brother and stepmother when they told me not to run earlier when the ambulance sat at the top of the hill, lost and confused about where the house that showed on no maps could be. For not running faster even if the gravel stung and cut deep into my bare feet as it dug in. For being the 12 year old I really was and not the adult he carved me into. He was my entire world. What do you do when the world ends because of you?

Scream.

Except I couldn’t scream,

I still can’t scream.

So a part of him can live inside of me forever,

To replace all that died inside of me when I lost my dad.

To my dad,

I hope that you can find forgiveness in me in the same way that I have found forgiveness in you. You were hurting in a way that I could never comprehend as much as I tried to. That the VA never provided the proper support for and let our entire family down by failing to do so. May there be the peace, love, and gentleness in your afterlife that you were not given in your time on Earth. Please take care of the piece of me that you took with you, as that was always yours to have.

We all still miss you every single day that you’ve been gone and know that we all loved you with every fiber of our being. Thank you for the time we had together and know that we will never forget you.

-KMC

[mugunghwc]

unprompted ask / always accepting

@badheart​ said: He sure caught her off guard with that question, as she had never quite thought about it. Overall, she knew him just barely. Just the surface, he showed to everyone else, and only a few traits in front of his few friends.  "I'm his daughter." Still clinging to that term, even if it meant nothing anymore. But usually it implied a deep connection, but they were not even related by blood. "You don't believe me," she huffed. "Why shouldn't he?" Looking almost offended, that Han seemed to imply that Akira was incapable of feeling that, or why was he sounding so doubtful. "I like you. So!" It should be true. Certainly liking something about Han, who also offered to be a possible bridge to reconnect with her stepfather. She still had his number, though nothing made him really reply yet.

 "...you?"  He could stop her, and coming this far, she sure seemed less out to fuck it up this time, but she was also quite mesmerized at this point as she kept staring. If her legs would play along, she would be already all over him. Her face turned into a deep shade of red, when he seriously thanked her. Personally, she could not tell, why she became so flustered over something so simple, but she certainly was weak to any kind of praise. It did not become any easier for her, when he called her cute (despite mentioning her less positive traits the second after). Fang had to cover her face. Come to think of it, she never was this close with someone so weirdly perfect. His choice to tan was probably the only weird choice he did. "Does that mean, you like me then?" She finally managed to lean down, after he had presented himself so nicely. Laying with her cheek flat on his abdomen, while her hand wandered over his chest, before pulling his shirt further aside, possibly opening more buttons in the process, before burying her face into his abdomen. Lips wandering over his hardened crevices, kissing his abs. Honestly, she does not recall ever doing some body worship. But she did not just want to feel but taste them. She actually dared to dip her tongue into his navel, while her hands held onto his hips, below his shirt. Pulling slightly away, with parted lips, some drool ended up right on his abdomen, trickling down. It was not accidental. Flicking her tongue right across the trail it had left. Down to the hem of his pants, while looking up towards him.

     “that doesn’t say anything about your relationship with him... does it?” just as his father was his father by blood, but nothing else. there was not even that between these two, & yet, she seemed to cling to that title despite no longer being a part of her life. if he hadn’t caught her surprise upon hearing that he knew of that man, han would’ve been led to believe that she approached him with that purpose—to indirectly get closer to that man. why was she so insistent over something she wasn’t so sure herself? that was the most confusing part of all this. her response appearing almost childish in nature, as if stating ‘ because i said so ‘. the fact that she liked him wasn’t a testament over having something in common with that man she called her father, but that of her desperation & the search in all the wrong places, if she made a habit of taking such risks for it.

     at this point, there was no more resistance from his part—simply curiously gazing at her & how far she’d go ; how depraved she really was. was sex all she sought for, or did she hope to fill a void that her stepfather had left upon walking away from his marriage? everything pointed at the latter. the effect that he had on her was clear as water ; joy was experienced upon seeing her cheeks gain colour over something so minor. she hadn’t given it a second thought when her hand reached for his crotch, but now the mere thought of having her lips explore his body seemed to overwhelm her. “as i said, i don’t host anymore.” meaning that he did not do this kind of thing with others, making her an exception, just futaba had been. she could make an answer from that, refusing to be straight-forward. he didn’t even know her name, but she was already asking with hope in her eyes if he fancied her. that alone, reflected on her immaturity.

     he remains completely relaxed as she leans down, wondering for a moment if the position was uncomfortable for her, or if it did not mean a thing since she could not feel either way. such thought led to other that were more lecherous in nature—wondering if her body still reacted despite her limitations. was her excitement evident in her underwear? that thought brought a chuckle from him, before focusing on the attention that she gave him. the contact with her tongue only caused his muscles to tense further ; while allowing her to have it her way, dragging her tongue along his torso until it reached his pants. han didn’t give her a verbal response, but a silent command when he gestured down at this crotch. he had given her permission to undo them while he remained with his arms close to his body—curious to see how bold she could be.

     “you said you have a big appetite, so eat.”

[captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship]

i love gwynriel and your answers are really convincing. but I'm confused why the hell Sarah put Azriel having some kind of involvement with Elain if gwyn and Az ended up together in the end. because we can't deny that there's something between Elain and Az, there's interest on both sides, even though it might not be simple, there's something lol. but I still don't know who Az will stay with? I don't have an opinion on that. sometimes I think Az and gwyn are endgame, other times I think they didn't get together and there might be someone else for him and someone else for gwyn, obviously. i find azriel so confusing, sarah doesn't give a lot of hints about him, it pisses me off because i love him so much. Also, I'm so sad that there is so much hate on gwyn and Elain because of the ships, if Sarah didn't put azriel with either of them, it would be a war 😂 Sarah is sharing opinions I'm scared of what she's going to do lol

This got a little long, sorry I just digressed 😅

Honestly, I was an e/riel until I read ACOSF (so I guess a total of like a week?) I thought that the whole breaking the bond to be with someone you loved thing was romantic. I thought their aestetic was cute, if not overplayed a hit. But honestly, SJM gives us a lot of clues in ACOSF to show Elain will not stay in the NC and ultimately won’t be with Az. I truly believe that ACOSF put the nail in the coffin for e/riel as endgame. However, it is important for both Az and Elain individually.

1) Az does NOT respect Elain or view her as an equal. She wanted to help with the dread trove and the moment she left the room he went against her decision. She wants to do more with her life, but the entire IC EXCEPT FOR HER MATE underestimates her.

2) Az confesses he has never thought of Elain past sexual fantasies. “He hadn’t gotten that far with his planning, certainly not beyond the fantasies he pleasured himself to.” This is again him just seeing her as a sexual object and not as an equal. 

3) throughout the bonus chapter, Azriel is CONSTANTLY saying how wrong his feelings for Elain are. The shadows tell him to go to bed because they knew Elain was waiting up for him. I’m sorry, but THAT IS NOT HEALTHY. Forbidden love is the WRONG trope for Azriel. There is a great post by @lunainfortuna linked here that goes into it with my commenting there. There is another great post by @acourtofthought that talks about the negative emotions in the BC here

4) Azriel would stifle Elain's growth in the guise of protection (as we have seen in ACOSF by not respecting her choice behind her back) and Elain will appease Azriel (as she does with her sisters) to keep the peace and allow him to do what Nesta did especially if she notes he gets upset whenever she wants to help even if it puts her at risk (call back to how he was overprotective with Mor to the point she feels guilty about making a decision on her own knowing it will upset him). That's not a couple that would compliment each other's growth or challenge each other. Neither will pull the other out of their shell and this is something I think both Azriel and Elain need because everyone around them is happy to let them be in their own head for too long.

5) Aesthetics and being nice to each other does not warrant a long-term stable and equal relationship when we actually look at them as characters and their personality and actions. Azriel, like Nesta, speaks for Elain even if he thought he was thinking in her best interests but those "best interests" are clouded by his desperation for a mate and his jealousy of Lucien and Rhys and Cassian. They weren't Elain's own words and she does have a voice to speak out on it instead of Azriel.

6) I still think ACOSF and the bonus chapter are big indicators that they don't work out as a couple. Sarah could've made them more appealing to the readers but she didn't. This was Nesta’s book, and she could have made Elain a larger part of Nesta’s recovery journey and had her spend more time with azriel. But she didn’t. You know who had the most page time in ACOSF? Nesta, cassian, gwyn, and azriel.

7) rhys is almost always right. The podcast BookTalkforBookTok consistently jokes that he is always telling the future. When he steers Azriel off of Elain before things escalate, he is truly looking out for Az’s best interest. Rhys has great intentions and poor execution. However, whenever rhys says something it’s true. If rhys thought they would be good for each other, then he wouldn’t interfere and would work something out with lucien.

8) cassian saying that Elain looks dreary in black is just SO ON THE NOSE and idk if SJM can make it any clearer. Black is the night court color, black is azriel’s color. @yazthebookish confronts this here and I couldn’t have said it better myself.

9) time and time again, SJM is asked about what the couples would do and EVERYTIME she talks about what Elain and lucien would do together. In her head, they are end game. When asked where they would go on vacation together, she said Paris. Then there was this beauty:

10) Az is still not over mor by solstice and he has a LOT of work to do before being in a relationship. He is using Elain as a distraction against his bigger issues with intimacy and belonging.

Ultimately, I have a theory that Elain tried to steer herself towards azriel and away from lucien for all the wrong reasons. Azriel, despite the wings, looks more or less human. He has rounded ears, is soft spoken, and she associates him with her human life. She meets lucien on the worst night of her life (mirroring how gwyn met Az on her worst night too just fyi), he has long hair, fae ears, a mechanical eye, and looks the part of the fae she grew up hating. HOWEVER, if she got to know the males the opposite is actually true. Despite his looks, azriel is incredibly male and fae. He follows his instincts, he growls/snarls, he is a fighter and a torturer. Lucien, on the other hand, has a very human soul. He currently even lives with Jurian and Vassa. She clings to Az because accepting lucien means accepting being fae and I think she is still in denial. I wouldn’t doubt there would be a point at the beginning of her book where she might want to jump at the opportunity to become human again. She lost the most out of the three sisters by becoming fae and she loves life. Accepting the bond means accepting being fae and this emotional and sexually charged relationship with Az is the bandaid on her gaping wound. It will only keep the bleeding at bay for so long.

Both azriel and Elain are using each other as distractions from their true trauma’s. Azriel latches onto women who are unable to give him the love he deserves. Elain is trying to keep the one human part of her she has left, the ability to choose her partner and not have it chosen for her by the cauldron.

TOG Spoiler:

After finishing TOG, I feel like chaol and azriel will be on similar love stories. Chaol had loved a girl prior to the events of throne of glass but found her in bed with Rolland, and I think this parallels to Az’s relationship to Mor. Then his next relationship was with Aelin. It was hinted at through all of TOG and before they got together in COM. Their relationship was short and brief and ended badly (I think they were officially together for like a week before shit hit the fan). This parallel’s Az and Elain. Both couples look good on paper, but lack the special spark that makes SJM couples endgame. They end up being worse for each other because of their personalities and they give into their insecurities with each other. This leads me to think that Azriel will go on a journey of introspection and emotional healing with the help of gwyn, just like chaol did with yrene. Just like yrene, gwyn has the power to heal with her invoking stones. I can go on but you get the point. When they all meet again in KOA, they are all happy for each other despite their rocky past just like I think the whole Elain/lucien/Az/gwyn group will be.

Ultimately SJM is gonna do what she is gonna do. But I for one will be incredibly disappointed if Elain and Az are endgame because I think they both deserve better. They are both good characters, but toxic together.

[yn-ymn-yln]

Hey there! Hope you're doing well! I'd like to request a Kol Mikaelson X reader where the reader is a child psychic (12-15) that Kol low-key adopts. Like the Mikaelsons find about this kid with "gifts" and try to locate her but when they do they find out that her parents are physically abusive and trying to repress her abilities. So, the Mikaelsons gang saves her and she lives with them and at first Lol only really cares to study her abilities but he eventually realizes she's kinda a mischievous little whack-job of a human and he's like: "This is my child now." You can choose what sort of psychic power the reader has. (Ex. Empathic, telepathic, telekinetic, foresight...) Thank you!!!!

*Thank you for the request and your patience love! I hope you like it!*

Black Sheep

Kol had been watching you for a few days now. He had gotten wind of your abilities from the witches in the quarter, but was determined to see if you were worth his time himself.

From distant observation alone he could tell you were an empath, though he wasn’t sure just how far your abilities could go.

Could you control other people’s emotions?

Had you even scratched the surface of what your powers could actually do?

Listening intently from the corner of your street he hears the disturbing sound of your pleading.

“I won’t do it again! I promise! PLEASE DON’T LOCK ME IN HERE!”

“You’ve left us no choice Y/f/n, you’re a danger to everyone around you, there are consequences to your actions.” Kol’s head lifts at those words, he had heard a rendition of that more than once, listening to you endure the same treatment cracks his inhuman exterior slightly. It didn’t take a genius to see that you weren’t dangerous, just different… A black sheep, like him. Without much thought Kol makes a decision, one that could very well leave him daggered, in a box for the next century.

“I’m sorry, you what?” Staring into the eyes of Klaus, Kol doesn’t back down from the choice he’s made, whether or not it was a mistake was still up for debate.

“They’re an empath, I figured they could be of use to us.” Without another word and before things could get heated, Elijah shows you to one of the many spare rooms that litter the compound.

“Did he kill them?” Your voice is soft and unsure, your age shining through despite your predicament. Although you were looking for reassurance Elijah was quite finished with Kol’s antics.

“Sleep. We can discuss things further in the morning.” He turns away at that, leaving you with the uncertainty of your parent’s survival and the unsettling feeling of a strange bed.

~~

As the months progressed so did your abilities, under Freya’s watchful eye you had learned more about your powers than you thought possible, which got you into trouble. A lot.

Running up the stairs of the compound you desperately attempt to reach your room before Klaus got wind of your little prank, though the vampire in your path did little to aid you in that endeavor.

“And where are you off to?”

“No time to explain, HIDE ME.” Jumping into the arms of your rescuer, your eyes widen at the vicious yell from the living room.

“Y/N!!” Glancing from you to the end of the stairs Kol immediately releases you, laughing loudly at your unceremonious landing. Within a second Klaus is in front of the two of you, eyes blazing with fury.

“You little brat.” Before things could escalate further you dulled the emotions raging through the hybrid’s mind, lulling him into a false sense of security.

“I’m sorry Klaus, I promise it won’t happen again.” Your smile to others would seem apologetic but to Kol was as mischievous as they came.

“It’s alright love, no worries.” Glancing at Kol you can’t help the small giggle that bubbles from within you.

“Your abilities seem to be coming along well.”

“Yeah… Freya’s really helped a lot.” It was awkward, Kol hadn’t spoken to you much since saving you, though you had spotted him watching from the door while you and Freya practiced on occasion.

“Better hide before he realizes what you’ve done.”

“Done again, you should say.” As if on cue Klaus’ booming voice rips through the compound for the second time.

“WHERE IS THAT LITTLE MONGREL!!!”

~~

Try as he might to keep his distance, Kol couldn’t help but feel a kinship towards you. You were a trouble maker. From playing pranks on Elijah, to dulling Klaus’ rage in the presence of his enemies, you were the culprit to some of Kol’s favorite crimes. Of course, a case could be made that you were certifiably insane, but what was the world without a little chaos?

“DON’T TOUCH THAT!” Jumping a mile Freya whips around to face you, eyes wide.

“Why?! It’s just a rock?!”

“My socks keep going missing, so I’m leaving an offering to the house troll.” Mouth agape, Freya isn’t quite sure if you were serious or not.

“Y/n there is no such thing as a house tro-”

“SHHHHHHHH! He’s always listening.” In true twelve-year-old fashion you bolt behind the couch, eyes constantly watching the rock perched on the window.

“KOL! COME GET YOUR CHILD PLEASE!” With a furrowed brow Kol enters the living room, eyes landing on your squinting form from your semi hidden position.

“Uhh…” Sighing loudly you go through the explanation again, never once looking away from your trap.

“That’s why I’m waiting here.”

“So the house trolls will leave you alone?” Kol’s confusion bleeds into his question.

“No! So I can get my socks back from the greedy bastards. They messed with the wrong kid.” Shaking his head Kol kneels next to you in your makeshift trenches.

“How long do you intend to wait?”

“As long as it takes.”

When Rebekah enters the war zone twenty minutes later, she’s greeted with a sight that melts her heart. You were fast asleep on Kol’s lap, mouth wide open, face pointed towards the ceiling. Kol wasn’t much better, head resting against yours with his eyes closed.

“So much for hunting trolls.” She can’t help the smile that forms as the words leave her mouth. Her brother truly was a child. Good thing he had you to play with.

~~

Your thirteenth birthday was something Kol was admittedly not prepared for, not because of the balloons or the obvious sugar rush you were sporting, no those things he could handle. What he couldn’t handle was the effects of time already taking their toll. You were a year older now than when he had saved you, features slowly morphing and changing.

How long did he truly have left with you?

That thought alone turned the cheery celebration into something much more debilitating. Somewhere in the back of Kol’s mind he’d thought about changing you, turning you in the middle of the night like his parents had done to him. Could he do it? Rip away everything you have ever known for his own selfish want to have you around forever? Watching the joy break out across your face as you open presents, he doesn’t think he could.

As the night winds down Kol goes in search of you, fully prepared to compel you to sleep off your sugar high. When he finds you fast asleep on the couch, stuffed bear he had bought you gripped tightly in your grasp, he lets out a quiet chuckle.

“Dad?” With your groggy whisper Kol’s freezes in place. You had never called him that, refusing to emotionally attach yourself to any one after what your parents had done, though your tired state didn’t seem to mind all that much.

“What’s wrong?” He doesn’t acknowledge your slip up, too concerned with the moisture building in the corners of your eyes.

“Bad dream.” Lifting you into his arms, he shushes you gently.

“It’s alright little one, I’m here. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Watching you sniffle quietly and burrow into his embrace, Kol knows no matter how much it hurts, or how little time he had left with you, he would never let himself be the source of your sadness.

After all black sheep had to stick together.

[plus-size-reader]

Personal

Peter Hayes x Plus size!reader

Word Count: 1846 words

Warnings: none

Summary: The reader learns that she is in Peter’s fear landscape

—————————————————————————————————

You didn’t know much about the other initiates' fear landscapes until today, when you were going to be going through your final simulations in front of everyone else.

It was designed that way.

Sharing your deepest fears was far from anything done at Dauntless, mostly because it was much too personal, but this was the one exception. This was how you got into Dauntless, how you proved yourself, and you were willing to do whatever it took.

Even if you might not have chosen to share with them had you given a choice. You were pretty reserved to begin with, doing your best to just get through this without drawing too much attention to yourself.

You wanted to be Dauntless, but that didn’t mean you wanted everyone in the compound to know everything about you. Thankfully though, of all the fear landscapes that had been displayed today, yours was far from the most memorable.

At least, for you.

The ceremony was over now, and you were pretty confident that you had done well. The process was a relatively simple one, as uncomfortable as it could be, and it was over before you had really processed what was going on.

You were lucky.

Most of your fears were standard, shared with others in your troupe, but even the ones that weren’t super common didn’t raise any red flags.

For you, the most shocking thing of all was getting to see everyone else’s fears and the things that they hated more than anything else. You didn’t get really personal with any of them in all your time here, so it was interesting to see.

There was just something about seeing someone actively interacting with their greatest fears that told you more about them than any words ever could. In that moment, all they were thinking about was getting out, and that made them impulsive.

It was real.

There was no need to save face in a do or die situation like that.

Though, that didn’t exactly answer all the questions you had that words may have helped to clarify. After all, less than an hour ago, Peter was hooked up to that monitor, the screen showing his deepest, darkest fears without fail.

To start, it seemed like his landscape was going to be just like everyone else’s, which you had to admit you were a little disappointed by. For whatever reason, you had a special interest in Peter’s landscape, because for the life of you, you just couldn’t figure him out.

From one moment to the next, talking to him could be like talking to two different people. He was guarded and hard to read, but having come from Candor, that only reminded you of home.

His standoffish and rude personality didn’t put you off in the least, because when you stopped to think about it, that was just how people acted where you came from. It was normal for you, just like it was normal for him.

However, you never would have thought Peter cared for you at all. As much as you enjoyed his refreshing company and attitude, you doubted he gave your existence much thought at all, he certainly didn’t act like he did.

As best you could tell, he found you just as inconsequential as everyone else here, like it didn’t matter if you stayed or not.

Though, you did have to rethink that as soon as you heard a familiar voice on the screen in front of you. Just thinking about it, you felt a familiar flip in your stomach from that moment, when you looked up to see yourself there.

Initially, you assumed that you must have been mistaken, that it wasn’t you in his landscape at all, but there was really no way to deny it.

The girl there was you, laying on the concrete floor of the pit, clearly bleeding from some kind of wound though you weren’t exactly sure what had happened. All you knew was that something had happened and you were hurt, bad.

...And Peter was panicking.

Even when he was sitting, in the center of the room, you could tell that he was in some kind of distress. He was practically dripping sweat, the muscles in his jaw tense as he took a second to survey the sight in front of him.

It was clear that he’d been here before.

You weren’t sure when something like this would have become part of his fear landscape but the way he dealt with it made it obvious he knew what he needed to do. You weren’t doing well, and there was nothing he could do to change that.

He had to let you go.

The landscape had closed out with Peter turning his back and leaving the room, where presumably, you would die. In all honesty, it was hard to watch in the moment but now that it had passed, you were confused.

Peter had never even given the impression that he enjoyed your company, led alone the fact that he actively worried about something happening to you. It didn’t make any sense, but you couldn’t exactly go get answered.

You weren’t sure how he would react.

It wasn’t like you could just walk up to him and demand answers for what he’d done there, could you? That was something a Candor would do, sure, but you weren’t Candor anymore. This wasn’t as cut and dry as it would have been before.

He didn’t owe you an explanation, you knew that, but the more you sat here, the more your head was spinning, coming up with all these outlandish explanations for what you were doing there.

Maybe it was a mistake? Maybe it just happened to be you but had never been before? Maybe it wasn’t you at all.

You liked to think that you would recognize yourself if you saw your face on a screen, but in that moment, you were still rattled from your own freak landscape so it could have just been a misunderstanding.

Couldn’t it?

Choosing to believe that would have brought you the most comfort, but the actions of the other initiates told you that wasn’t an option. They had been staring at you since this morning, talking in hushed whispers about it.

You knew they had to be.

Besides, even if you hadn’t been so perceptive to the truth, Molly had all but told you that was the case when you passed her.

Eventually, you decided that the only choice you had was to get answers from him. You couldn’t just let everyone else talk about you without even knowing what was going on yourself. If nothing else, you could find out what Peter was thinking.

At the very least, you would be able to put any rumors to rest and move on.

He had to have something to say for himself.

~

You weren’t entirely sure how you were going to lead up to this conversation with Peter, but the nuances didn’t matter all that much . Worst case, he would tell you that what had happened was none of your business and you would know where you stood.

The last thing on your mind was hurting his feelings or offending him, which was why as soon as you sat down beside him in the dormitory space, you didn’t bother explaining yourself.

Instead, you sat down right next to him on his cot, “What was that all about this morning? Why was I in your fear landscape?” you questioned, not bothering to soften the rough tone in your voice as you waited for him to speak.

It was bleak, sure, and not polished in the least but that was one of the things you enjoyed most about knowing Peter came from Candor as well. You didn’t have to worry about refining your approach like you did now that you were in Dauntless.

He was used to that way of speaking.

Still, he wasn’t exactly thrilled to have to have this conversation. After all, he had been doing well enough at keeping his feelings for you under wraps, but that whole thing at the ceremony was going to make that a little harder.

How was he supposed to deny it? Obviously he cared for you enough that the threat of something happening to you had become something he actively feared.

That didn’t really happen with people you just knew.

“I don’t know. You think I have any control over what happens in those?” he shrugged, hoping that he could keep up the plausible deniability thing for long enough that you would just get up and go back to whatever it was you were doing.

It was harsh, much more aggressive than he meant for it to come out, but similarly to how he paid your mannerisms no mind, you didn’t even blink an eye.

“Come on Peter, I know you know better than that” you hummed, taunting him a little now that you were here. Clearly, he was going to try and make you feel like you had no right to be here but that was very wrong.

You knew as well as he did that he had full control over the things he cared about and the things that worried him. Somehow, you had made it on to that list, you knew that for sure, all you were asking him was how or why?

He knew why you were there, he just didn’t want to tell you.

“What does it matter? You saw how it ended for you, it’s far from romantic” he grumbled, turning to look at you with an almost incriminating look in his eyes. 

He was doing his best to figure out how he could get out of this without going too far, but it didn’t seem to be going that way.

Trying to keep it up wasn’t getting him anywhere.

The idea that it should have been romantic was funny to you, considering the fact that it was a fear landscape in the first place, but you got what he was talking about. It wasn’t like you could draw any connections based on what happened.

However, you knew that the fact it was you in that scene meant something. It could have been anyone dying on the floor, but it wasn’t, it was you.

“Admitting you have a crush on me isn’t going to kill you” you prompted finally, taking a stab in the dark after all the beating around the bush he was doing. You didn’t want to say anything about him, not directly, but you knew the truth.

He felt the same way for you as you did for him.

“Maybe not, but I would have liked to do it in a way that didn’t involve you bleeding out” he shrugged, a small smile creeping on to his lips.

This wasn’t how Peter saw this whole thing happening between you but he figured that it was better late than never. At least now, you knew just how desperate he was to always have you by his side.

[animefreak1145]

The Brilliance of Break On Through

Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War Mission Break on Through—An Analysis

I have replayed the campaign of COD:BOCW numerous times—too many times truly. Did a whole playthrough where it was Hardened and soon I’m sure I shall do Veteran(something I have never done for any COD game. Not even Hardened.).

All missions have their own unique qualities—parts where the player gets a little rush of adrenaline depending on the kind of mission and how they choose to play it (Nowhere Left to Run just a plain shooting match while Brick in the Wall you can choose to remain stealthy like the good spy you are or go crazy like an eager homicidal maniac).

Even within the safehouse, there are plenty of little details to discover if you take the time to look around and observe everyone. Or, everything. (The radio if turned to a Russian station/correspondence, Adler changes it back immediately before Da Nang mission. Watching Park’s body language, as you talk to Adler and she periodically looks over to you two. Adler suspicious when you go to the Red Room or the locked room with the arcade. The T.V. being turned on in the Red Room)

But the amount of details, details, in the mission Break on Through is outstanding. I have played this mission more than any other due to me wishing to look at all the details. There’s so many, I think I may miss some. And I can’t show them off all to you cause I suck at creating gifs and don’t know how to transfer that from Xbox to my phone.

To lighten it up a bit, I won’t focus on the four different scenarios you go through—at least not each one. That would take too long and I do not have gifs/pics to show it off since Tumblr limits it to ten anyways.

I will, however, try to guide to what parts of the game you all can explore if you choose to do so. As well just how detailed they did this mission.

I am going to start with the different statements Adler says to you throughout all the Scenarios(17, 6, 11, 1). We only go through four in the actual game—but the fact it goes up to 17 or possibly more shows just how far they went in and messed with Bell’s mind.

Now, Adler seems to be a bit bipolar on how he talks to you whether or not you listen to him and all his directions. Either totally blasé and cold to giving you and pumping you up with more MK or meds, or actually a tad concerned and patient as he guides you through.

If You/Bell Stands Still/Does Nothing:

Example 1

“So you did nothing? What were you, in shock?”

He throws the words callously, mocking. As if Bell isn’t confused and lost at what is going on. He even sounds irritated that you might actually be in shock due to these memories that are just fake—not even real. Not like what he has.

Example 2

“What’s wrong with Bell?” -Adler

“I’m not sure. . .” -Park

“I guess we’ll just wait on you to proceed, Bell.”

The contrast is dizzying. He sounds concerned when he asks Park on what could be wrong with you. If he pushed you too far and now you’re just frozen. And, instead of rushing you due to how the fate of half of Europe is at stake, he decides to give you space. Just wait for you and you’ll come out of it soon enough.

He does these sort of reactions numerous times. Jumping from intimidating to the Adler we knew as the player, as Bell—kind and always in your corner that believes in you. He switches tactics based on what he believes will work really—or he just felt really on edge at times and threw the farce that you two were friends out the window.

Other examples include:

Scenario 11–Napalm Strike-in the lab in the room where you were brainwashed

“Christ, what’s happening with them?”-Adler

“A mild seizure. Sims, past me a benzodiazepine.” -Park

Again, concerned. Worried. Almost…at unease?

In the lab—tripped up on drugs. If you run through the tight shrinking hallway back and forth like so(I suck at making gifs, I’m sorry):

“Why is Bell repeating themselves?”

Or

“Bell, stop speaking in circles.”

Now, as others may have suspected, Bell is talking to everyone as they’re stuck in this horrible loop of mental torture. Most likely muttering, hands clenching and arms pulling against the straps of the gurney, moving their head back and forth depending on what they’re seeing. I always saw Bell as muttering quickly in Russian as they go through all of this—their mother tongue where it may comfort them as they’re panicking and speaking to Adler.

It’s just a nice detail showcasing how exactly Adler knows that Bell is on script—Bell saying what they’re seeing and doing and what’s going on. It shows also just how hard they put Bell through the ringer(badum tss. I’ll leave now).

All the details too when the game shows how the drugs they put in Bell affects you. Like so. The hallways appearing long. The lights looking yellow. You feel so fast—look how quick you can run. Run towards the Red Door that Adler so desperately wants and maybe this can stop. Ah, why is it running away from you? What’s going on?

I don’t know about you, but I was so lost and confused at what was going on my first playthrough. For the majority of this mission, the possibility of me being brainwashed didn’t reach the BACK of my mind till probably I actually saw the flashes of scenes about Vietnam and calling Bell a subject. So like right here.

I personally thought that I had a repressed memory or something due to me going through the Vietnam War. That whatever I saw with Perseus, I—or rather Bell—repressed it from our mind due to how violent or horrible what we saw or experienced was. And that Adler suspected and just really wanted to know about it.

I didn’t expect for the man to actually brainwash my character—us—Bell! The game made Adler your mentor, who always defended you from Hudson and believed in your skills very highly. How he and Bell were basically perfect partners when the two of you were together.

It’s amazing—cause I think that’s what the developers were going for. The absolute trust. The loyalty. The denial that ‘maybe Adler is being a little harsh but hey, this is to help Perseus so it’s okay?’ It’s perfect. Because I’m sure that is what Bell actually felt in real time.

Yet, if you go through the total rebellious choice of not listening to Adler, some thing’s make sense. The Rebellious Side shows you way more than if you just listen to Adler like a Dutiful Soldier.

You go through this room if you choose the rebellious route, the T.V.’s automatically turning on the closer you get. Of Vietnam. And now, all those T.V.‘s that turned on by themselves(the Red Room, Lubyanka, Cuba) make sense. You were actually being brainwashed. Poor Bell probably can’t ever have a turned off/broken T.V. again. The trauma.

Said trauma being shown multiple times too. Not just the T.V.‘s. But the absolute terror that Bell felt, before they became Bell, with Adler.

Like do you see this? This terrified me when I saw it at the end of the hallway. I just saw a red shadow in the distance and I legit thought I was about to be chased. Call of Duty became a horror game(I also went through the door to the ground too my first playthrough, so before this I went through zombies and I think my heart was going to jump out my chest) I thought. I didn’t want to get closer. I had to, with each step I see that it’s not a shadow but a body. And than I see the familiar jacket, the sound of whirring in my ears and see it’s Adler’s head being twisted back and forth, side to side, up and down, in a speed that in inhumanely possible.

Makes one wonder if Bell themselves sees Adler as inhumane. Not human. Adler seeming to just be a god in their head. All the Adler shaped rocks/boulders you go through and see. Even one point the V.C. becoming Adler and you killing him over and over and dead bodies of Adler being everywhere.

The man has entered Bell’s head and won’t leave. Just like Adler won’t leave Bell alone.

Heck, there’s one point in my playthroughs of this mission I was by the bridge yet there were parts of the lab by it. I jumped towards it, noticing down below there were different floors of the lab that eventually reach the ground. I jumped to reach the next floor and missed and I died.

And Adler mocked Bell committing suicide.

That was the kicker really that Adler truly is indifferent towards Bell. Like complete disregard. I know it’s fake. We know it’s fake. Adler knows it’s fake—but to Bell, it felt real. That’s the crazy part. All of this—this whole sequence feels real to Bell so each time they die they actually feel it. It’s insane. It’s cruel.

But we all know that Adler isn’t known for his kindness. Still like his character though, he’s layered.

I don’t have the exact quote he said, didn’t wrote it down like the others. I was shook he said it at all.

Moving on to the final details I’m going to talk about.

When you go through the room, I believe this comes out for both rebellious and dutiful, really depends. You see it filled with post it notes, articles, plans, and newspapers. And you see once more just how Bell has been scarred.

I don’t know Russian or German, but I imagine the notes are similar to what the English one’s say. If I’m wrong, please point it out.

There’s also post it notes which I believe is in code as well due to all the numbers—I’m not sure what those could mean since I am no decoding expert.

Poor poor Bell. And with all these pictures and plans—of Adler included—it begs the question that Bell may have been warned about the famous America’s Monster beforehand. Had to have—since Adler is basically Perseus’s adversary due to how stubborn the American man could be. It just adds more to the story, despite Cold War having quite a short campaign, they made it up somewhat with all these details everywhere.

When you finally and actually reach the room.

As you grow closer to the table, to your chair in the conference room while everyone else seems to have their own spots, there’s something I noticed.

There’s glasses. As well as a hat. And it’s Bell’s. Or at least, it used to be. Why else is it on their side of the table? By their chair? I believe it might be reading glasses due to all the decryptions Bell does, whether on paper or through a computer, it’s hard on the eyes. (I’m sure I’m not the only one who noticed this. For look at @second-vtoroy ‘s Bell)

I believe through the brainwashing, Bell might not need glasses anymore. After all, apparently they were a smoker like Adler before too but they took that out of you. What else they changed of Bell? It makes one wonder how far they truly went into molding a person.

Which just adds onto how mind boggling this mission is—this game is. This is my favorite COD game, despite how short it is. The details and choices and interactions with everyone and able to create your own character(albeit it’s very standard and not specific but it’s good enough for me) is AMAZING. I’ve always been a sucker for RPG’s and able to get that even a little in a COD game? Truly wonderful.

I couldn’t touch on everything because it would’ve gotten long, but the fun of the Break on Through mission never gets old. It’s genius multiple ways you can do it. All the details. The feelings you feel as a player as you go through it.

They truly did a unique job with this and I hope they continue with this type of game storytelling. Hopefully longer as well.

Anyways, hope you guys enjoyed this rant basically!

Gifs made by me and used the video down below to help.

https://youtu.be/t6QkmkGGHSQ

[navegandoaciegas]

Crybaby

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!reader (College AU)

Warnings: smut, ass fingering, orgasm denial, humiliation, lots of talks about panties.

Summary: You catch Bucky trying to steal your panties on laundry day.

A/N: this is partly @buckycuddlebuddy​ ‘s fault tbh. Enjoy some desperate, horny Bucky. Minors DNI.

The timer on the dryer unit you’d occupied went off, signaling that your weekly load of laundry was dry and ready. Bucky cast a nervous glance around the eerily empty room, fingers twitching in the front pocket of his hoodie.

He knew it was wrong, but his laundry was done too (just a coincidence, really, not like he’d wake up at 3 am on a Monday because he knew you did your washing around that time), and you weren’t there yet. You usually retrieved your load in the morning anyways.

Just a peek, he reasoned. Out of curiosity. You wouldn’t even realize they were missing, and if you did you’d chalk it up to the washing machine eating your clothes.

You’d show up to class on Tuesday and sit next to him while he’d be wearing your pretty lace panties and you’d be none the wiser.

Fuck, he was getting hard just thinking about it.

He dug in your laundry, sifting through mascara stained washcloths and an endless amount of oversized t-shirts, until he found what he’d been looking for.

Small, so tiny in fact that he wondered how your lips could fit in them. He groaned -the idea of your pussy hanging out of the material made his cock twitch, and brought the panties to his face, rubbing his nose all over the lace. He’d fantasized of burying his face between your legs all semester long, and this seemed close enough, the closest he could get to you anyways.

They seemed stretchy, and he hoped he could manage to stuff himself inside them.

“Didn’t peg you for a panty sniffer, Barnes.”

The world stilled around him, the ring in his ears so loud that he wondered if you could hear it too.

He was so engrossed in his creeping, that he hadn’t heard the door open and click shut, nor your steps as you walked behind him, or the slight groan that the washing machine behind him emitted when you settled on it, swinging your legs.

Slowly, he turned around, your lace panties still tightly clutched to his chest.

You almost chuckled at the sight of his bulging eyes and gaping mouth. Almost.

“That- it’s not- not how it looks like- I-”

“What, you were gonna fold my laundry for me? How considerate,” you sneered, but the look on your face was far from disgust.

Derision, sure, but not disgust. The mischievous interest in your eyes sent chills down his spine, not necessarily the good kind.

He felt dread settle in his stomach, anticipating whatever consequence his actions would have.

“You do this often?” you asked, tilting your head to the side, naked legs still swinging over the washing machine.

Bucky couldn’t find the words, and honestly the gall, to speak, so he just shook his head vehemently, shuffling on his feet.

“Hm, you like sniffing ‘em?”

He remained unmoving, too humiliated to do anything.

“Oh, I got it,” you beamed, pointing a finger at him and squinting your eyes, “You like touching yourself with pretty panties, hm? Like using them to fuck your dick, and cum all over ‘em?”

He wanted to answer, tell you to fuck off and sprint away to hide in his dorm for the rest of his life, but honestly he deserved this and so much worse. He almost considered dropping out of college entirely, but that glint in your eyes kept him anchored to the ground.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, keeping his gaze on his white sneakers, “I-, I promise, I never done it before, I don’t know why-, look I won’t do it again, I swear,” he pleaded, tears pooling in his crystal eyes and threatening to stream down his face.

You cooed, honest to God coeed, a mocking pout on your lips.

You should have left, and reported him, but those pretty tears of his, the tremble in his voice, the stuttered pleas, only served to spur you on, a familiar warmth building up in your core.

“I bet if word got out of this, no one would want to hang around the resident creep anymore. Good luck getting girls then. Although, well, I don’t think you get too many under normal circumstances, do you?” you snorted, “That would be embarrassing, hm? Wouldn’t want that, would you?”

He found himself shaking his head, trying to swallow the lump in his throat to avoid giving you any more reason to mock him.

“It’s your lucky day then, because I have no intention to tell anyone,” you announced, stepping down to lean against the machine, arms crossed over your stomach.

“You- you don’t?” he wondered.

The notion should have elated him, but he felt himself growing more uneasy and confused with the smirk on your face.

“Won’t tell anyone if you don’t. Cross my heart,” you laughed, making a show of placing a hand on your chest.

He eyed you suspiciously. “Why?”

“Where’s the fun in that, Barnes? I wouldn’t enjoy bullying you if I’m not the only one doing it,” you chirped, “That doesn’t mean that my forgiveness should come for free, tho.”

His breath hitched, and you followed his Adam’s apple as it bobbed up and down his throat.

You could feel the control in your grasp, panties getting wetter with each one of his tears.

“I’ll do anything,” he swore, and you almost wished he’d fall on his knees and beg.

“Anything you say, huh?” you paused, “Strip,” you commanded, leaning back against the washing machine.

Bucky furrowed his brows and looked up in confusion, then disbelief, finally embarrassment. “Wh- what? But, but what if someone sees, I-”

“Then you better hurry.”

“But I-”

“You fuckin’ heard me the first time.”

He was startled into action, hands hastily pulling at his hoodie and jeans until he was standing in nothing but socks and underwear.

“I’m not gonna repeat myself again.”

He gulped visibly, and hesitated before hooking his fingers around the waistband of his boxers, pulling them down his legs.

He blushed harder, ducking his head.

His cock sprung out of his boxers, and the mouthwatering sight of it had you reconsidering Bucky Barnes and all your life choices during this semester.

He was glistening in pre cum, painfully hard and veiny, and definitely thick enough that fitting it inside your cunt would be hard work on both parts. You imagined taking him in your mouth, how you would definitely choke around his girth, and your jaw would be sore for days.

Not today, though. Bad boys did not get that kind of privilege.

You bit your lips, and Bucky fought the impulse to squirm under your intense gaze.

“Something wrong?” he rasped out, praying for the ground to open up and swallow him whole in case you found him too small, too crooked, too hairy.

You snorted, eyebrows raised skeptically. “Yeah, babe, the fact that I haven’t seen you naked before. You been hiding all this,” you eyed his crotch suggestively, “from me all this time?”

“T- thanks,” he stuttered, offering you a small smile, eyes trained on the ground. He tried to ignore the way his heart fluttered when you called him an endearing term, reminding himself that this was all a game to you, a game that he was more than willing to play if it ended up with his cock buried deep inside you.

You sighed then, pondering your thoughts. He was not your usual type, but he was cute in a nerdy way, shy and quiet, and he was packing more than any other man you’d had before.

Plus, this was way too entertaining for you to pass up.

“Wear ‘em.”

Bucky’s head snapped up at the command, but this time he did not hesitate to follow your instructions, a bit too eager as he slid the panties up his thighs.

The shutter of your phone’s camera brought him out of his thoughts, and his eyes widened in horror when he saw you take pictures of him. He trusted you wouldn’t spread them around, but the thrill of danger had him leak more pre cum, wetting a patch on the lace.

“So that’s your deal? You like wearing panties? Didn’t even try to act like you didn’t want to,” you snickered, “What a whore.”

The situation couldn’t get more humiliating, and he couldn’t get more desperate for you.

“Be a good boy, Bucky. Fold the laundry for me, since that’s clearly what you meant to do,” you laughed scornfully, nodding to the basket at your feet.

He walked to you slowly, bending over to pick it up, and yelped when you slapped his ass harshly, the sound bouncing off the walls and shooting straight to his aching cock.

“Cute. Now go, you got something to do and I don’t have all night.”

He sighed, and got to work, unloading each item from the dryer, and folding it neatly.

You eyed the lines of his back, the round globes of his ass, the string of your thong dipping between his cheeks. You almost lost yourself imagining how pretty he would look all scratched and marked before you furrowed your brows, observing the way he folded on of your nicer shirts that you wore on interviews and internships.

“Can’t even fold laundry, look at you,” you tsked, shaking your head, “Try that again, I don’t want to spend more than necessary ironing it.”

He obeyed, without any protest, smoothing the creases he’d created, and continuing with your load, until the dryer was empty and you were satisfied.

“Good job, baby boy,” you praised, beckoning him over.

He got closer, close enough that you could feel the heat emanating from his body. He looked so pretty like that, all teary and obedient.

You wanted to make him yours and ruin him for everybody else.

“You’re a fuckin’ pervert, you know that? A creep and a pervert.”

You saw the way his cock twitched behind your lace at the words, and almost doubled over in laughter.

The night couldn’t get any better.

“Fuck, you really are a pervert. This what you get off to? You imagine me calling you names, degrading you like the bitch you are? You want to be humiliated, don’t you?”

A desperate, pathetic whine escaped his throat, and he felt his knees growing weak with need. He was naked in a public space where everyone could see him, being belittled and humiliated by the girl he’d been pining over, and he was hard as a rock, getting off every word that spilled out of your mouth.

“Well,” you purred, fisting the hair at the back of his neck and tugging harshly, “I think we can arrange that.”

“Yes, yes, please, I want it,” he whimpered, chest heaving, “I want you, I’m your slut, I-, you can do whatever you want to me.”

You almost moaned then, intoxicated by his burning desire.

“Good boy,” you hummed, releasing his hair to stroke his cheekbone, smiling at the way he leaned his head against your palm, letting his eyes flutter shut.

“Remember you can tell me to stop or slow down whenever you want, and I will. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to,” you added more serious, observing his face for any trace of anything but enthusiasm.

When you found none, and he nodded feverishly, you let your hand fall from his cheek to his shoulder, tracing the outlines of his lean muscle.

“Can- can you kiss me, please?” he asked, and he begged so prettily that you could do nothing but humor him, crashing your lips against his.

It was messy, rough. He was sloppy, and from the way he moved against you, you guessed he didn’t have too much experience.

Better, you reasoned. You’d teach him all he needed to know to please you, and you only.

You bit on his bottom lip, and Bucky yelped in surprise, parting his lips.

He tasted like mint on your tongue, and you sighed in content, letting your hands travel down his sides, barely grazing his skin, scratching the hair on his belly.

He shuddered under your touch, goosebumps erupting in your wake.

When you reached his lower stomach, you felt him tense, his breathing getting harder, his tongue more insistent.

He was drooling and crying, you realized, as he snapped his hips against your leg, humping you like a dog.

You broke away from the kiss, catching your breath.

“Look at you, you gettin’ real worked up and I barely even touched you. What are you, a fuckin’ virgin?” you chuckled, playing with the little bow on the front of your panties.

You’d expected him to laugh, or deny, but he just stood there awkwardly, avoiding your gaze,

“I’m not,” he grumbled, avoiding your gaze.

“Then why are you acting like one?” you prodded, but didn’t wait for him to answer, claiming his mouth in a searing kiss.

His hesitant hands groped your breasts, finally gaining the confidence to do more than linger awkwardly on your hips. He twirled your stiff nipples, rubbing his thumbs over them, movements getting more frenzied the closer he got to his release.

He crouched awkwardly to be at your chest level while still pressing his hips onto you, and tugged your loose tank top down, moaning at the sight of your tits.

“Go on baby, suck on my tits.”

He didn’t need any more encouragement to assault your nipples, latching his mouth onto one of them, and suckling. You wondered if he’d ever even touched a pair of boobs before, but his ministrations were working either way, making your walls clamp down on nothing.

You finally grasped him in your hand, his cock heavy and throbbing in your palm as you stroked him lazily, spurred on by his little whimpers.

His whole body quivered when you ran your thumb over his slit, and you marvelled at his sensitivity.

“You like it when I touch you like this, baby?” you moaned in his ear, “I bet you do, I bet you could cum already just from this. Just a handjob, like the pathetic little boy you are, hm?”

He released your tits with a wet pop, and rose to full height again, resting his forehead on yours.

“Yes, yes, please,” he sobbed, “please, princess, more.”

You complied, doubling your efforts. He inhaled sharply when you added your other hand and began twisting both your wrists in opposite directions.

“You want your princess to suck your dick, baby? Want me to get on my knees and take you in my mouth?”

He nodded against you, grinding his hard cock against your hand, desperate to chase his release.

“Or maybe you want your princess’ pretty pussy? You want to fill me with your fat cock and stuff me full of your filthy cum, don’t you?”

He began blabbering, breathing harder, sloppily snapping his hips. He had a look of pure bliss on his face, his eyes shut tightly, mouth hung open and a layer of sweat coating his forehead.

You could feel him grow and throb in your hand, and just before he was about to reach his high, you stopped your hands.

His eyes shot open and he opened and closed his mouth to protest, but you gave him no time, fisting his hair and slamming him against the washer, bending him over the cold surface.

“What, you thought I’d catch you stealing my panties and I’d let that go?” you tutted, bending over him, pressing your front to his back, whispering in his ear “Bad boys need to be punished, don’t you agree?”

A choking sound escaped his parted lips, and you giggled against his skin, licking a strip behind his neck.

You let your hands wander down the expanse of his back, settling on the waistband of your panties. You indulged yourself again, slapping his ass because you liked how it jiggled and how Bucky whined.

“You have a nice ass, you know,” you mused, slouching back to get a good vision of it, “You ever had anyone stick anything up there?”

“W-what?” he sputtered, crooning his head to look at you, “N-no, never.”

“Cute.”

He squirmed in embarrassment when you spread his cheeks, groaning when he felt your spit drip down on him. You massaged a finger around his rim, your hand coated in your spit and his pre cum.

“Relax, I’ll make you feel really good, promise.”

You gradually felt his muscles relax under your touch as you soothingly ran a hand down his back and kept whispering calming, sweet nothings in his ear.

Then, you dipped a finger past the rim.

“See, not that bad, huh?” you smiled, working your finger inside him, caressing his walls.

You nipped the skin of his back, peppering his muscles with fluttering kisses, grazing your teeth over his column.

You dipped another in, and Bucky hissed, wiggling his legs.

“Hey, it’s okay,” you shushed him, “You’re doing so good for me, baby.”

He preened under your praise, and you began scissoring your fingers inside his ass, working him open and looking for the spot you knew would make him beg for more.

The heat between your legs was almost unbearable, your pussy desperate to be stuffed full of his cock.

You loved how pliant Bucky was being, obedient and submissive in your grasp. You noticed the tears that hadn’t stopped streaming down his face, and huffed a laugh.

“A pervert, a slut, and a fuckin’ crybaby, aren’t you?” you mumbled, a genuine smile tugging at your lips.

“Fuck, oh fuck, fuck, fuck,” he chanted, holding onto the washing machine for dear life, tongue lolling out of his mouth, drool dripping down his chin, making it known that you’d found what you’d been looking for.

“Yes, fuck, please princess, gimme more,” he begged, overwhelmed with a pleasure like he’d never experienced before.

He felt like a fire had been lit in his lower belly, and it was spreading to every limb, encompassing him whole.

You grasped his cock in one of your hands while your fingers kept pummeling into his ass, feeling the rim clench around you and his cock pulsate.

You thought you could cum from his beautiful sounds alone, and you kept going until you were sure he was on the verge of a mind shattering orgasm.

Then, you stopped again, and this time Bucky sobbed, blabbering and wailing, begging you.

“Please princess, I’ll do anything, just please let me cum, please, please,” he continued, shamelessly bucking his hips against nothing.

You released his cock and pulled your fingers out of his ass, cleaning the fluids against his panties.

“You’re so fuckin’ pathetic, begging like that,” you mocked him, retrieving your phone from the pocket of your shorts.

You snapped a couple of photos of him bent over the washing machine, pent up and debauched. His balls hung from the lace of your panties, and you made sure to zero on his tear stained face.

“So pretty, my pretty crybaby,” you cooed, helping him stand up again.

He fell on his knees, clutching the hem of your t-shirt.

“Please, you can’t leave me like this, I-, please,” he blabbered.

You committed the image to memory, knowing you’d see it again soon.

You could see it in his eyes how hooked he was to you.

“Baby, bad boys don’t get to cum, do they? You can’t go around stealing people’s laundry,” you tutted, lightly slapping his cheek, “You deserve some punishment, don’t you agree?”

He hesitantly nodded, slumping down on his shins. You grasped his chin, tilting his head up to meet his gaze.

“You got to bed now, no touching, and I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll know if you disobeyed, and trust me, you don’t want to know what’s gonna happen if you did.”

You smiled, and took a few steps back to retrieve your basket, leaving him to catch his breath on the floor.

“See you tomorrow at 4 pm, you know where my dorm is,” you chirped despite your own neglected arousal, sauntering to the door, “Get dressed before someone comes in, you wouldn’t want to see how much of a pervert you are, right?”

He shook his head, agreeing with you despite the sobs that silently shook through his body.

“Good boy,” you purred, hand twisting the knob. You paused, and threw him a look over yourself, “Oh, and thank you for the laundry.”

-

I hope you liked this! Please leave some feedback if you can! ❤️

[maizumis]

LOVE IS NOT FOR EVERYONE - suna x fem!reader smau

part 10: are we about to kiss right now?

summary: after years of not talking to each other, your childhood best friend decided to reach out again, how will everything go?

note: suggestive ‼️ yes they make out again, and what

series masterlist - playlist - part 11

"you really made me go up only for you to put mascara on?" the two of you were now on his car, his right hand drawing circles on your thigh while your head was resting on the car window "yes, and what? be grateful now you know where do I live" he slightly chuckled and your remark before gripping with his hand was, turning up his eyes to the road again

the silence wasn't uncomfortable and you were grateful for that, your mind was going one hundred kilometers per hour full of thoughts that were especially about him, does he have a thing for you? friends with benefits? or the toy of the year? on top of all his moves weren't helping to ease your doubts

"you wanna know where I'm taking you?" he broke the silence, you only hummed at his question without turning your head, too focused on the little things the night could give you, even if the stars seemed less bright than before

"We are going to Osamu's shop to pick onigiri"

the mention of your high school friend made you turn around with a huge smile on your face " 'samu? as Miya Osamu? damn, rin! drive faster! we need to get there"

"hey, you seem happier to see Osamu than being with me, I'm the one holding your thigh for your information"

"And you were also the one to take another girl on a date, let me be happy to see him, rin!"

neither you nor he expected that answer; you took his hand out of your leg and turned your head around again, taking what the city could give you with a knot in your throat, thinking if your choice of words was the best, maybe you should apologize about it after

"We are here, let me open the door-"

"I can do things for myself, Rintaro"

you walked out of the car, hugging yourself because of the chilly night running to the big shop that you supposed it was since it had the big letters of "Onigiri Miya" Suna following behind you after locking his car, confused because he didn't understand what go you to act like this

" 'samu! I'm here!" he told a little above his usual tone of voice, resting on the shop counter supposing his friend was on the back

"Rin, what are ya doing here" Osamu came out of the kitchen, drying his hands with the napkin he always had on him "ya wanna eat?- oh? who do we have here"

" 'samu!" you throw your hands over the counter to embrace him on a bear hug, he gladly took you in his arms, his head pressing your neck, taking in your scent, beautiful scent as he thought

Rin grow annoyed at the interaction, you two came to pick up onigiri and nothing more "yo, okay we can stop right now with the hug time, what 'nigiri you have, samu?"

the younger twin let go of you, glancing from the side at his friend that interrupted the best moment of his day

"a have everything actually, whatda ya want"

you were quick to react and answer, jumping as you were a child "tuna! tuna and mayo! please!" rin smiled at you excitement then wrapped one of his arms around you, taking his wallet out to pay his friend "okay then, give me three tuna and three more of whatever you want, samu"

Osamu went to the back, the sight of his best friend arm around you doing something to his body that he could quite describe

"Thanks, rin" you grew soft to his actions, maybe you were overreacting, after all, it was just a random girl, you were his all-life best friend.

he took your face on his big, volleyball player hands, taking in every little detail your face had to offer the world, leaning so your noses and foreheads were touching, your hand came on top of his to caress it, closing your eyes to enjoy the moment.

The owner of the shop was standing right in the door that led to the kitchen, watching the cute, almost cliche scene in front of him, you seemed so relaxed against his embrace, if only you knew what he was saying about you earlier that day

"Sorry to interrupt the cute moment, but your food is ready"

"Thanks, samu, how much is it, bro"

"none, is on me, go enjoy your night"

"rin, this 'nigiri tastes amazing"

Suna had a specific parking lot in mind near the shop, it was usually empty so it would be a good place to grab dinner with you "yes, samu makes the best, as always"

"pfffff- you remember high school? I was begging for his bent boxes"

the irritation you were feeling an hour before was now gone, happily munching on the tasty food, your left hand interlaced with his right one

"how could I forget?" he turned up his phone to play music because he thought 'something was missing, the lyrics of No Friends could be heard inside the car

"how was your date rin? tell me about the girl"

"It was shit, to be honest, she didn't let me land a finger on her"

you stopped eating when you heard those words, kinda happy that his date went wrong but also mad at his choice of words

"you shouldn't talk about her like that, rin, just let go and don't think about it" sarcastic how you should be taking your own advice

"I'm not thinking of her when I have you by my side"

"you want me to congratulate you or something? you better not be thinking of others while I'm here"

he bent down to make his seat go as behind as it could, you were confused to say at least, until he patted his lap, knowing exactly what he wanted; now your legs were straddling his hips, faces too close to one another

"Are we about to kiss right now..." you said in a sarcastic tone, expecting rin to laugh at it instead of placing his lips on yours "yes we will"

you needed to be careful with your moves, the space was so tiny, but the need to feel every single inch of his body was getting to you, your lips dancing together as if it was something natural, teeth clashing, everything was so messy so desperate, there was not more of that lipstick you applied before going out.

"you were acting all bratty out there and now your panting on top of me, how funny"

your hips were slightly moving with his, getting too drunk of the feeling of his body down yours- you didn't even felt when he placed both his hands on your ass to bring you close to him

tongues were fighting for dominance and the time around you would give up, you needed to show him a little bit of authority too "don't go too ahead of yourself, Rintaro- you're the one with a hard-on right now and you know what? why don't you take me home? is getting late"

you confidently got out of his lap, sitting on the passenger seat while placing the seatbelt across your chest, proud of your actions, you could see the tip osfsuna's ears red while he tried to catch his breath, starting the car again

"good luck next time, rin"

taglist [open]: @arrogantsonofabiscuit @sakusasbitch @souco @sunasexual @boba-duckie @discountkiyoko @shoyotime @sunalma @kuroohoeee @cubbluv @astrqmi @triniteaaa @zukoslosthishonor @iheartkuroorin @kac-chowsballs @akaashiwife @lilith412426 @loveprisms @eunoiwa @gladly-olus @its-the-aerieljeane @smackmyasslikeavolleyball @bakugouswh0r3 @mydandydays @erens-piss-cleaner @call-me-lulu @peachyaeger @omisemi @megumiisee @sakuxxi @almondeupeach @lady-tokugawa-of-mikawa @whorefornoodles @togesslut @singularly-gifted-witch

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

A rogue Druid’s “please join us” speech to Merlin triggers a few things:

Gwaine tries to commit regicide, Leon confronts his (understandable) fear of Dragons, and Merlin has a full on mental breakdown.

The knights are left to pick up the pieces and all of them consider following Gwaine’s lead.

ANGSTY ANGSTY 

TW: Blood, death, nightmares. Physical and verbal abuse. A very brief implication of potential suicide/self harm.

Everyone notices the sudden changes within the group, it would be hard not to notice.

No one has any clue what happened though.

One day, everything is fine. If they think back, they realise Merlin had seemed a little... nervous? Maybe? But other than that, everything was fine, normal.

But the next day? From then until now, a month later? Everything was different.

Arthur seemed much angrier. He flew off the handle over the smallest mistakes, he worked the knights so hard in training that at least three of them had to go to Gaius for treatment everyday, and he didn’t seem like he planned on letting up any time soon. He snapped at everyone, even Gwen and Gaius, which was unheard of.

Merlin seemed... quieter. The knights, Gwen, and Gaius barely saw him, but when they did, he flinched at even the slightest noise; his eyes constantly darted around, looking for a way to escape, and he wouldn’t let anyone touch him.

They were worried, but Arthur was so constantly furious that no one dared bring it up with him, and the one time they tried to ask Merlin, he came up with some ridiculous excuse and ran away. They thought they had barely seen him before, but after that they didn’t see him at all for at least four days.

They also noticed how both of their worrying moods seemed ten times worse when they were with each other. Even just being in the same room, made Arthur angrier, and Merlin... they didn’t want to think it but... more scared.

After three weeks of this, they gathered together, and put into place their emergency plan. Leon would speak directly to Arthur, and Lancelot would speak directly to Merlin.

Of all of them, they were the most trusted by each target, and were the most likely to get answers, and the least likely to get a bad reaction if answers were refused.

They were... pretty wrong. Merlin reacted in the same way as he had to the group two and a half weeks ago. Which is odd, because he normally tells Lancelot everything, and not only did he not tell him, he lied and came up with excuses.

Leon was much worse for wear. He showed up a while after Lancelot, pale and miserable. Arthur had just yelled at him a bunch and assigned him extra patrols.

A few days later, they were all still struggling with what to do when Arthur informed them of a quest that was to be undertaken. They were... nervous, to say the least. Going on any sort of dangerous trip with Arthur in this state was bound to go badly, but they could hardly refuse, and they definitely couldn’t bring up the issue again.

So they resigned themselves to it. Gwen wished them luck, and made sure to give Merlin an extra tight hug before they left, and Gaius slipped a few extra medical supplies in each of the knights packs, just in case.

Apparently, patrols of Camelot Knights kept going missing. Whole groups of soldiers, in one very specific area near the border, were just not coming back.

Arthur could hardly justify sending more patrols out, so despite his foul mood, and his desperation to stay away from everyone, he took himself, his five best knights, and his manservant.

Elyan could’ve sworn he heard Arthur mutter something along the lines of “As if I’d leave you here unsupervised.”, to Merlin, the tone far less jesting that it might’ve been a month ago, but he kept it to himself. They were travelling and camping together, there would hardly be an opportunity to share without Arthur and Merlin there.

And like they were all expecting, the trip was hell.

Awkward silences that not even Gwaine could fill, Merlin looking close to tears the whole time, and Arthur constantly looking like he’s considering extreme violence.

Merlin even rides at the back of the group (unheard of), doesn’t complain even once about anything (even more unheard of), and the few times he does speak, he addresses all of them by their titles (down-right panic inducing).

They, of course, realise it had been a trap far too late, and before they even had time to shout and draw their swords, the camp fades around them.

~

When they wake an indiscernible amount of time later, they have been stripped of armour and weapons, and have been shackled.

They appear to be in a circular, one-room hut, the knights spaced equally and chained to the wall. Their cloaks remain, but any chainmail or armour they had been equipped with was gone, leaving them in the thin clothes they wore underneath, completely unprotected.

Merlin stood in the middle of the room, looking very confused. Once he noticed the knights stirring, he tried to take a step towards them, but frowned when he realised he couldn’t get within a arm’s reach of them.

Once the knights came around fully, they realised that whilst Merlin couldn’t move all that much, they couldn’t speak.

Arthur looks to Merlin with fury written all over his face, and pulls violently on his chains. Merlin flinches back and gasps out:

“This has nothing to do with me, I swear!”

Before the rest of the knights have time to change their expressions to one of confusion, a man walks through the door. Everyone’s gazes turn to him quickly, and they take in his appearance.

He looked like a Druid... but not quite right, like he hadn’t actually been to a camp in a while. He wore neutral colours, browns and greens, but despite his calm demeanour and gentle face, he looked a little crazed.

Where Druids stand calmly and walk softly, this man rushed in and fiddled with his hands, eyes darting around the room at everyone’s faces.

When Merlin goes to demand he introduce himself, the Druid holds a hand up, silencing him (no magic, just a gesture), and begins to speak:

“Who I am, does not matter. But I do know who you are, Emrys. I shall explain it your friends first, so they don’t get too lost.-”

The Druid smiles sadly, and turns to the knights, all of whom (apart from Lancelot) stare on in confusion at the melancholy resignation on the Druid’s face, and the dread on Merlin’s. Still unable to speak, and with very limited movement, they reluctantly resign themselves to listening to whatever speech the villain of the week had come up with.

“-Emrys has been being seen in prophetic visions for centuries. Whilst Uther Pendragon was destined to start the purge, Emrys, or as you know him: Merlin, is destined to stop it. He is said to be the most powerful Warlock to ever walk the earth, past present and future. He can bend the very elements of the world, bring down armies, turn cities to ash with a flick of his wrist. But destiny also foretold of The Once and Future King. Most have accepted that Arthur Pendragon, is said king.-”

Merlin was stiff but panicky during the Druid’s explanation, having realised that for whatever reason, he didn’t have access to his magic right now.

He could feel it buzzing under his skin, but every time he tried to pull it forward, it abandoned him, burrowing deep into his soul and hiding.

Merlin was tense and angry, angry that the chance to tell his friends the truth himself had been taken away, but his statue-like stillness is broken as he frowns and flinches slightly at the thinly veiled disgust in the sorcerer’s voice as he says Arthur’s name.

The Knights look confused, and very much shocked, their gazes flickering between the Druid and Merlin, but he refuses to meet their eyes.

“-Together, Emrys and the Forever King are destined to bring harmony and peace to the world, to restore magic’s place alongside the non magic, to inspire compassion, and stop the unjust genocide that Uther started.-”

Arthur and Leon shuffle uncomfortably at the mention of the late King and his sins, but are more focused on the other shocking revelations. The other knights (again, bar Lancelot, who is staring at Merlin apologetically) seem invested in the story, though they’re clearly confused.

Arthur was made aware of Merlin’s magic a few weeks ago, but despite Merlin’s choice to tell him willingly, he had reacted badly, and in his rage, hadn’t allowed Merlin to explain himself. The other knights were, of course, unaware of this, though they quickly put two and two together.

Despite Merlin’s best efforts, Arthur had stayed in the dark about the whole Emrys-prophecy-destiny thing.

The Druid gives each knight a short assessing gaze, seemingly to make sure they were paying attention.

He turns his attention back to Merlin, who is trying very hard to keep his expression blank (and failing) as he listens:

-”And how long have you waited, my friend, for Arthur to play his part in destiny. Ten years, of having the prophecies shoved down your throat by idealists, being told that you have no choice but to serve a man who would see your head on a spike should he know who you truly are. Ten years in the service of a man who has caused you nothing but pain, given you nothing but nightmares.-”

Merlin flinches and looks away. Every magic user in, or even near Camelot shares the same nightmares, all caused by the Pendragon Reign. There’s no need for a discussion about it, no need for a denial. 

“-His father ripped your family apart. He himself stood at the grave of your best friend and told you he was evil, he himself killed the woman you loved-”

Arthur frowns in confusion at this. Merlin had never been in love. But he quickly doubts himself when he hears Merlin gasp quietly, and looks to him to see a tear slip down his cheek. 

Fury flashes quickly across Lancelot’s face, obviously knowing the story, but he covers it quickly, and no one is the wiser to the anger slowly growing in his chest at what this so-called Druid was putting his friend through.

The Druid speaks his next words quietly, though still loud enough for everyone in the room to hear, as he lifts a soft hand and gently wipes away Merlin’s tear:

“-I know what you see when you close your eyes. I know why you are so exhausted. But do they? Have you told them?-”

The Druid nods his head in the direction of the knights, but doesn’t break eye contact with Merlin, who sniffles slightly before looking to the floor in shame. 

“-Of the smoke and flames that you choke on when you sleep? You dream of pyres built just for you, built by the people you care most about. Even when you are awake, every second you have your eyes closed, every time you blink, you are forced to picture your so-called King with a sword at your throat, as if the scene were painted onto the back of your eyelids.-”

His voice had risen as he spoke and he had begun to pace, anger growing at the pain his Lord had gone through. He practically spits the word “King”, like just saying it disgusts him. 

Merlin remains quiet, but he has a steady stream of tears down his face as he looks back at the Druid with despair. The knights watch on in anguish as they see the way he is suffering. 

Arthur stops feeling angry and confused, and starts to feel a little guilty. Not that he would let it show; he stares on blankly.

Everyone wanted desperately to believe that the Druid was lying, manipulating them, that Merlin would deny it. But he didn’t. And that told them all they needed to know.

The Druid stopped his pacing, coming to a stand still in front of Merlin and cupping one of his cheeks softly with his hand. The knights pretend not to see Merlin lean into it slightly as his tears continue to fall.

The Druid begins again, speaking softly once more:

“-Were those fears unfounded? Were those nightmares irrational? I see the terror in your eyes. I see how petrified of your King you are.-”

Merlin lets out a shaky breath and glances quickly to Arthur, before looking back at the man in front of him.

The King is taken aback, and the knights are furious at the flash of fear on Merlin’s face when his gaze had momentarily met Arthur’s.

“-What did he do, when he found out? When you bared your soul and gave him nothing but honesty, and undeserved apologies. What did he do?-”

Merlin lets out his first audible sob, and the Knights pull at their chains slightly, desperate to comfort their friend. Arthur slumps back, remembering his actions as if they were mere hours ago.

One of Merlin’s hands lifted to cover his mouth as he chokes back a second sob, but the other lifts subconsciously to tug at the scarf around his neck.

The Druid lets a single tear escape his eye as he waves his hand gently, the scarf disappearing with the gentle golden glow of his eyes.

Merlin seems too distraught to notice; and moves both hands to clamp tightly over his mouth as tears stream down his face. His shoulders hunch, but not enough for any of the knights to miss what the Druid had clearly been trying to expose; a thin, barely healed scar along the base of his throat. As if a sword had been pressed there.

The Druid’s eyes lose focus slightly and he frowns as he ghosts a finger over the scar, seemingly asking the next question to himself:

“-Nightmares on the back of your eyelids, or visions of the future, hmm?-”

His eyes refocus, and he cards a hand through Merlin’s hair, trying to calm the man’s heartache as the knights stare on in horror. 

Arthur resists the urge to look towards his knights, not wanting to see the disgusted glares he knows they’re sending his way.

The Druid pauses for a moment in his speech, waiting for Merlin to calm slightly before he quietly continued:

“-And what has he done since then? Has he allowed explanation? Has he seen the error of his ways and tried to understand? Or has he called you a liar, and a traitor. Has he called you a monster, whilst demanding that you continue to serve him?-”

Merlin’s breathing grows deeper as he struggles to control his sobs. He lowers his hands to be clenched at his sides, shaking, as the Druid softly places his hands on his shoulders.

His next words are spoken even quieter, though the knights can still hear him and the deadly anger that’s barely concealed in the man’s tone:

“-Has he laid hands on you, and called you a beast, while you cowered in fear, knowing that if you defended yourself he would see himself proven right?-”

Merlin let’s out loud, gasping sobs once more as the Druid’s hands travel softly down, from his shoulders to his wrists. There, he looks down, sorrow on his face as he carefully lifts Merlin’s sleeves, bunching them around his elbows.

The knights decide then and there they are going to protect Merlin no matter what, no matter from whom, as they each see the handprint shaped bruises littering Merlin’s arms.

“-He has hurt you, over and over and over-”

As he speaks, the Druid hovers his hands over the bruises, his eyes glowing softly golden as they heal.

“-And you despair, believing yourself worthless-”

Merlin flinches, and his sobbing grows more intense as his face is taken in soft hands.

“-waiting on a Golden Age that he refuses to bring. He is cruel, and unjust, how many more times must he hurt you? How many more of our people will the Pendragon line slaughter, out of misguided hatred? How much more sleep must you lose? How many more nightmares must you endure? You have stood loyally by his side for a decade, and had to stand and watch as he continued his father’s legacy, forced to believe it was destiny.-”

The Druid says “destiny” as if he hates the taste of the word in his mouth, the bloodshed of the past almost thirty years clearly having made him lose faith in the prophecies.

Merlin’s breathing has calmed slightly, and the knights aren’t sure whether to be relieved or frightened, as the Druid desperately continues, clutching Merlin’s hands in his own:

“-Too many lives have been lost, too much innocent blood spilt. Haven’t you yourself been forced to kill your own people to protect this False King from the consequences of his own actions?-”

The knights think too soon as Merlin’s breathing and sobs grow erratic once more. The manservant almost falls to the floor, his eyes clenched desperately shut, and only the Druids hands on his shoulders keeping him upright:

“-I was young, and naïve once. I too, believed in Arthur Pendragon, I believed in the prophecies, I believed he would a great king and a good man-”

He leans forward, pressing his forehead to Merlin’s as he gently says:

“-but he is not. He has failed you, and failed our people.-”

The Druid steps back, but still holds Merlin’s shoulder tightly as he gives him a pleading look.

The knights know what’s coming before it is said, and with the anguish and desperation and grief on their friend’s face? After they learned what their benevolent King had done? Well... they wouldn’t have blamed Merlin for saying yes.

“-I ask you to join me, Emrys. I know it’s difficult, to give up on a man you gave so much of yourself to, but there is too much Uther in him. It’s time, and you know this, to rewrite destiny. Dig your own path, liberate your own people, bring magic and compassion and harmony back to the world yourself.-”

Merlin, though distraught, still looks doubtful, and the knights hold their breath as the Druid continues, becoming more and more furious at their inability to speak. 

All of them have tears in their eyes, if not falling already, even Arthur, though he has remained still and blank through the tears.

“-I know the flames you fear, the sword’s edge, the gallows’ drop, the axe’s fall. Do not let our kin continue to fear those things, do not stand by, waiting for the Pendragon tyrant to change, and allowing sacrifices to be made in the mean time.-”

Merlin’s sobbing begins again, and the Druid kisses him softly on the forehead before kneeling to the floor, gripping Merlin’s hands and looking up at him desperately:

"-You are Emrys, Lord of the Druids, and Conduit for all magic of this world. Not some servant that an entitled brat can toss around and treat lesser than the dirt he walks on. You are my King, our King. Not him.-”

He stands again and grips Merlin’s arms tightly, most likely leaving more bruises in place of the ones he had healed.

Merlin doesn’t notice the pain, but shakes his head stutteringly, still crying.

“-Do not let your people lose you to Arthur, as Arthur lost himself to Uther. To give up on him is painful, but the screams of your kin, burning for their gifts, echoing in your skull day and night?-”

The Druid’s hands move up to grip the sides of Merlin’s head, and he shakes him ever so slightly, his tone frantic and pleading:

“-That is worse. That is pain he will never understand, and certainly never care for. Join me, please my Lord I beg you, for our people.”

One of the Druid’s hands slides lower, to softly cup Merlin’s cheek again, but the other drops entirely.

The knights have never resented being magically gagged more than in this moment. They could do nothing but watch on in horror as the man summons a dagger behind his back.

The Druid is clearly waiting on his response, and Merlin is too distraught to notice the consequences of a wrong answer, tears flowing quickly down his face and ugly sobs forcing their way out of his throat.

Arthur watches in terror, knowing that this was his fault, that every shitty, selfish decision he had ever made had to led to this point. And the knights knew it too.

All they can do is pray to every deity they know the name of, that Arthur has done enough damage for Merlin to say yes. And oh, what a terrible thing to pray for.

The Druid softly strokes Merlin’s cheekbone with his thumb as the Warlock takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He looks up, meeting the gaze of the man opposite him before croaking:

“I... I can’t. Arthur is a good man, I have faith that he will-”

Before he can finish his sentence, the dagger is thrust up into his chest, his words stuttering to a stop and his red-rimmed eyes growing wide at the sudden, agonising pain spreading throughout his body.

Merlin is vaguely aware of the knights pulling roughly at their chains, but he pays them no mind as blood gurgles up his throat and he frowns, struggling to hear what the Druid was whispering in his ear:

“Then you have forsaken your people, and so I shall forsake you. Traitor.”

With that, Merlin is dropped roughly to the floor, dagger still imbedded in his chest as he lands on his side. Blood spills from both his mouth and the wound, eyes unfocused but heavy as the tears continue to overflow.

The knights are silently screaming, thrashing against their chains as their friend chokes, but Merlin ignores them in favour of smiling gently at the soft feeling of nothing, growing outwards from his chest.

He frowns once more, as though remembering something, and his eyes go glassy as two words escape from his mouth, barely a whisper:

“I’m... sorry...”

An apology to whom, no one knows, but with those last words his body goes completely still, the pool of blood still expanding beneath him, and his eyes unseeingly staring just to the left of The King.

No one in the room can tear their eyes from Merlin’s pale corpse, face now a mess of tears and blood.

The Druid looks down at him with an odd mix of contempt, and genuine sorrow. He had obviously waited long enough that his resentment of Arthur had bled into his feelings for his so-called saviour, but still grieved for what could have been.

The Knights look at him in horror, all understanding that they had never been lucky, they had just had Merlin. He had never asked for thanks, or recognition, or reward. He had kept them all safe, at great expense to himself, and now he was dead.

Lancelot seems the... calmest, though he still cries like the rest of them. He had, in theory, known of the pain Merlin was in, but had he known it was plaguing him to this extent... well perhaps he wouldn’t have been so loyal to Arthur.

Arthur himself stares at Merlin with nothing but terror and agonising grief. He had done this. If he had just let Merlin explain, if he had just given him five minutes, instead of bruises and nightmares and fear, then he would still be alive. 

If he hadn’t been so selfish and cruel, perhaps hundreds of people, just like Merlin, just as scared and innocent as Merlin, would also be alive. 

Merlin had spent his entire time in Camelot trying to convince Arthur that he wasn’t his father... and Arthur had gone and proven him wrong at every turn. And even then Merlin still had faith, still called him a good man.

The silencing spell still has hold over the knights, so they cry and scream and thrash soundlessly as the Druid finally rips his gaze from the body at his feet.

He steps carefully around Merlin to stand in front of Arthur. The sorrow clears from his face, leaving only contempt and rage left to be directed at the man in front of him. Arthur does not look up, keeping his tear stained face focused on the floor, even as the Druid begins to speak:

“You see what you have done, Arthur Pendragon? You think magic is the thing that corrupts, but it is not. It is you. Emrys was meant to be a saviour, a God, a guiding light to help our people to safety, but you tainted him, reduced him to nothing more than a sad, scared boy, and then reduced him further, to a corpse. My hands are clean of blood Pendragon, but yours?? Oh, yours are drenched in it.”

Arthur slowly lifts his distraught gaze to the Druid, but quickly widens his eyes at what he sees.

Merlin stands behind the Druid, eyes glowing golden, tears once more streaming down his face as he grips the handle of the dagger, still buried in his chest.

The bloodstains grow even larger as he grimaces slightly and pulls it free, before wordlessly forcing it through the Druid’s back.

The man lets out a sudden gasp, and looks down to see just the tip of the blade poking out where his heart should be. He gargles something, words that no one can make out, before Merlin pulls the dagger out again, and his body crumples to the floor.

The knights and Arthur can feel the silencing spell release them, but none of them make even a noise as they stare in shock at their tormented, but very much alive, friend.

Merlin drops the dagger from his hand and it lands with a splash in the mixing puddles of blood, before he himself falls harshly to his knees.

The others finally break out of their stupor, once again pulling towards their friend. Their cries and shouts of his name can be heard by everyone but him as he leans forward, placing his forehead against that of the lifeless Druid.

His cries grow erratic again as he whispers apology after apology, and every heart breaks even more at the sight before them.

They know why he apologises, they know why he grieves, even over a man who had tried to... had succeeded in killing him. The death of yet another of his own kind who was sick of waiting, who was rightfully angry, was not something to be celebrated.

They had thought, at the beginning of this, that they would get through whatever the Druid threw at them, they always did. But this, the brokenness of one of their dearest friends, was not something that looks fixable.

Merlin finally sits up again and he sobs louder, still deaf and blind to those around him. Lancelot has just enough time to yell at the others to cover their eyes, as a gut-wrenching scream escapes the Warlock.

They’re almost blinded, even with their eyes tightly shut and their arms thrown up. The scream is the loudest, and most anguished they’ve ever heard, and the force in which Merlin releases his magic completely eviscerates the hut they had been chained in.

Each of them is thrown violently backwards, and their chains crumble to the floor with the rest of the building as they try to find purchase on the ground. None of them are hurt too badly, and they’re grateful for the fact that even in this state, Merlin’s magic seems incapable of really causing them any damage.

The scream ends, and the knights look up to see Merlin sat in the middle of the crater he had created, staring blankly into the middle distance. Tears still stream down his face, but he doesn’t move and he makes no sound, just kneels there with his blood soaked hands on his lap, palms towards the sky.

It takes a few moments for the knights to regain their senses, but once they do, all hell breaks loose.

Gwaine immediately gets to his feet and makes a rush towards Arthur, fully intending on throttling him, screaming obscenities as he went, but Percival and Elyan jump forward, grabbing an arm each and dragging him away as he curses the King and the Sky and the Gods.

As much as Percival and Elyan were not impartial to killing Arthur right now, Merlin was the priority, and as much as he may have deserved it, Merlin would never forgive them if they hurt the King.

Arthur seems to be unaware of the attempt on his life made by one of his most trusted knights, and just stares blankly at an equally blank Merlin.

Lancelot and Leon make a bee-line for the Warlock, but stop just short of touching him, not knowing how he would react. 

Leon nods gently at Lancelot, clearly having picked up that this knight had already known at least part of the story. Lancelot returns his nod, before moving forward slowly. The body of the Druid lays untouched at Merlin’s knees, and the knight removes his cloak, laying it over him, before reaching a slow hand towards Merlin’s shoulder.

He finally makes contact after a little hesitation, whispering his name as gently and as comfortingly as he is able with tears still leaking from his eyes.

Merlin doesn’t react at all to Lancelot’s touch, not even when he takes his bloody hand, or shakes his shoulder slightly; just sits and stares and cries.

Leon gulps before reaching forward himself. He grabs the dagger from besides Merlin and tosses it behind him (he didn’t like to think about that action too much. He has no idea what state his friend is in right now, best to not have any sharp instruments within his reach when he came to.) before lifting his hand to wipe away the man’s tears.

Arthur stares upon all of this in horror from his position sprawled on the floor a few metres away.

Elyan and Percival have just about managed to calm Gwaine, and they begin making their way to Leon, Lancelot, and Merlin, but before they get even halfway there, Arthur finally speaks.

His voice breaks, and is barely audible, but everyone hears him nonetheless as he murmurs:

“I did this...”

Gwaine makes another run at him, regaining his anger, and Percival and Elyan just about manage to grab him before he commits regicide.

Lancelot and Leon look up at him sharply, but when Lancelot lowers his gaze and continues to try and rouse Merlin, Leon holds the King’s gaze, and says strongly:

“Yes. Yes you did, My Lord.”

Arthur’s face crumbles even more, and Leon glares at him with venom for a few more seconds, before giving Lancelot a soft pat on the back, and walking towards the other three.

He mumbles a few harsh things that only Gwaine can hear, who responds at first with more anger, but then resignation. The First Knight gives the man a pat on the back and nods knowingly at Elyan and Percival. No one, not even Gwaine, pretends to miss the meaning of “be ready to catch him again” in the gesture.

Arthur stays in his position on the floor as the four of them walk softly towards Merlin and Lancelot, but before they get there, everyone’s gazes are drawn to the shadow in the sky, getting closer and closer.

It moves with an alarming place, and their anger at Arthur is momentarily forgotten as he scrambles up and screams:

“DRAGON!!”

Gwaine, Elyan, Percival and Arthur rush forward to stand between the beast and the other three. They have no armour or weapons, but like hell were they just going to let it get to them.

Lancelot looks up to see the white, horse sized beast land heavily in front of The King, his eyes widen and he jumps up, rushing forward to push between the others.

Leon moves to hold a still unresponsive Merlin behind his back protectively, but frowns in confusion when Lancelot yells at Arthur (who had been about to run at the beast):

“NO! No don’t hurt her! She’s Merlin’s, don’t hurt her!”

Everyone looks at him in confusion and fear as he slowly approaches the Dragon, she had been growling lowly at first, but seemed to perk up when she saw Lancelot.

Lancelot gives her a small smile, and holds his hand out, allowing her to come to him, before quietly saying:

“I’ve never been more glad to see you, Aithusa. Merlin is over here.”

He turns back towards the others, and calmly, but forcefully says:

“Move. She needs to see him.”

Gwaine nods after a moment, trusting Lancelot, and moves out of the way. Arthur goes to argue, but Elyan and Percival roughly shove him to the side, clearing a path to Merlin and Leon for Lancelot and the new, slightly terrifying, arrival.

Leon looks up fearfully, still in front of Merlin protectively. He stares at the Dragon for a few moments, breathing deeply, before looking up at Lancelot. Lancelot gives him a weak smile, and a nod before saying quietly:

“He’s a Dragon-Lord. She can help him, it’s ok.”

Leon gulps, before nodding, and stepping out of the way. He doesn’t move too far, obviously still affected by his last encounter with a Dragon, and watches with unconcealed suspicion as Aithusa prances around Lancelot at his nod.

The others crowd closer as well, looking on in confusion, awe, suspicion, as Aithusa slowly approaches Merlin.

She lays down at his side, gently pressing her head onto Merlin’s hands, still in his lap. Her mouth opens and Leon gasps as she blows a gentle mist up into his face. Merlin’s back straightens and the knights can see his eyes come back into focus as he blinks.

They all stare with bated breath as he gulps, and begins to notice his surroundings; looking in fear at the crater around him.

Merlin is broken from his growing panic as Aithusa chirps softly from his lap, and his head whips down, only now noticing her.

The knights let out a collective breath as he smiles, very slightly and very briefly, but still; after what they had just seen him go through they would take anything. He leans his head down, and wraps his arms around the creature. She chirps once again, louder this time, as she uses her tail to push away the forgotten Druid’s corpse. 

She curls her body around Merlin protectively, and he collapses even further into the semi-embrace she’s giving him. The knights smile slightly, relieved that Merlin seems responsive, and safe, before they take slow steps towards the two of them.

She whips her head up quickly and growls at them, digging her front claws into the ground. They take in sudden breaths and stop moving, wary, but she stops growling when she looks to Lancelot.

The others stare on in shock and confusion as she tilts her head slightly, and Lancelot nods as he quietly says:

“They’re friends, it’s ok.”

The creature seems to nod, and the others follow behind Lancelot as he begins moving towards Merlin again.

He crouches down, and gives Aithusa a well-received scratch on the chin, before he gently places a hand between Merlin’s shoulder-blades.

Percival, Elyan, Gwaine, and finally Leon follow suit, sitting carefully next to the Dragon, but unlike Lancelot, they don’t touch her, or Merlin. She may seem safe and loving and on their side, but she was still a Dragon.

Arthur moves a little slower, not sure if he’s welcome (he’s not) but when he gets within five feet of the group huddled on the floor, Aithusa lifts her head and growls again.

Elyan and Percival are shocked at the sudden movement, but Gwaine smirks, and Leon nods his head approvingly (though he’s still understandably... nervous). Lancelot looks back at a shocked and still tear-stricken Arthur, and speaks. His voice is quiet, but his tone is vicious:

“They have a mental link; she sees what he sees. It might be best, Your Majesty, for you to stay away.”

He doesn’t bother to watch Arthur’s reaction; he turns back and begins carding a soft hand through Merlin’s hair. He flinches only slightly before relaxing under the soft ministrations, and Aithusa gives Lancelot an affectionate lick on the arm.

The other knights do see the way that Arthur flinches, before he gives a shaky nod and takes a few steps back. He goes to say something, but the tears in his eyes overflow, and he turns to walk away.

Gwaine’s smirk grows slightly before he drops it entirely and turns back to the others, no longer caring what Arthur got up to. He is the first of the knights, other than Lancelot, to be brave enough to reach a hand forward and stroke Aithusa gently.

Elyan and Percival hesitatingly follow his lead, and Aithusa chirps happily at the attention. Leon’s gaze follows Arthur as he walks towards the horses.

They were far away, well out of the way of Merlin’s blast, but even with the distance Leon could see they were shaken. Thankfully they had been tied to the trees, otherwise he’s certain they would have bolted.

Leon finds it only slightly surprising that he feels no sympathy for the King. There’s only so much you can forgive a man for. When Arthur finally reaches the horses and begins untacking them, he looks away, back to Aithusa and Merlin.

Everyone can tell that Camelot’s First Knight is still rather shaken at the presence of the Dragon, but when Merlin looks up slightly to see him still sat there, unwilling to leave him, his heart swells a little.

Leon meets his gaze and gulps, but returns Merlin’s shaky smile.

The other knights smile as well, glad that Merlin was feeling at least a little better, and Percival speaks quietly, not wanting to spook him (or the Dragon):

“Hey, there’s our lucky charm.”

The other knights give him questioning looks but Merlin just chuckles slightly, before sitting up properly, and focusing his attention on running his fingers over Aithusa’s scales, picking out grass and mud.

Percival looks indignant before replying, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world:

“What? You honestly thought that tree branches only fell if there was a fight happening, and then only fell on the enemies?? The rock-falls? The fires even when it was pouring with rain?? The miraculous solutions to end-of-the-world type problems?? Come on, guys.”

The others look taken aback at that, but Lancelot just smiles knowingly. They all look to Merlin, who has managed to wipe the blood from his face with his sleeve, and he just shrugs slightly.

The rest of them, bar Leon, let out small huffs of laughter, and continue to stroke Aithusa, knowing that Merlin almost certainly isn’t ready for an actual conversation yet.

Merlin looks at Leon’s pale form assessingly, before a look of realisation crosses his face. The knight is tense, and staring at Aithusa’s sharp teeth with worry, but his gaze is quickly drawn to Merlin when he reaches a shaky hand towards him.

Merlin gives him an understanding smile, and crooks his fingers, encouraging the curly-haired knight to take his hand. Leon does so, and his breath hitches as Merlin lowers their intertwined hand to rest on the top of Aithusa’s head.

Leon lets out a slow breath as he feels Elyan’s supportive hand on his back, but relaxes fully when he sees the sparkle in Merlin’s eyes. Anything to make their Warlock happy in this moment. And forever, probably.

Gwaine looks at Leon out of the corner of his eye, and says lowly:

“I’m fairly certain I’m going to try and kill him if I look at him again, so what’s the King up to?”

Merlin tenses slightly, but Leon squeezes his hand and he relaxes again. Lancelot raises and eyebrow and before Leon can reply, he says:

“What, no princess?”

Gwaine narrows his eyes before gruffly saying:

“Princess was an affectionate nickname, and I’m not feeling all that affectionate towards him right now.”

The others nod knowingly, turning their attention back to Merlin and Aithusa. Leon leaves his hand in Merlin’s, but looks at Gwaine before saying lowly:

“He went to deal with the horses. Now we know we no longer need a quick get-away, they need untacking and feeding and watering. They were pretty spooked by... they were pretty spooked.”

Leon looks back at Merlin when his hand gets squeezed, to see him frowning slightly. Leon catches his eye and gives him a small smile, but Merlin just gets teary-eyed again, before sniffing and muttering:

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to I just... I’m sorry.”

Only a single tear has time to fall before Lancelot has his hand on Merlin’s shoulder again (comfortingly), and Elyan has his hand on Gwaine’s shoulder (forcefully). Leon shakes his head softly, and responds in a gentle voice:

“You don’t have anything to apologise for Merlin, we are the ones who should be sorry, for not being able to protect you.”

Merlin’s frown deepens, and he goes to retort, but Gwaine beats him to it, obviously trying to keep the anger out of his voice:

“From the so-called Druid and from him. We should have done better.”

Leon can feel Merlin’s hand begin to shake, so he squeezes it once more as Merlin shakes his head and speaks, his voice sounding stronger already:

“It’s not his fault. He was just shaken and scared and I should have-”

Gwaine clenches his jaw, struggling to keep control of his rage, but Elyan grips his shoulder tighter in warning, and replies in his stead, interrupting Merlin:

“There’s no excuse Merlin. All of us have been attacked by magic, but equally, all of us have been attacked by swords. I mean look at Leon, giving Dragons a second chance after what happened. I would perhaps understand brief anger, but there is no way to justify laying his hands on you in such a way that leaves bruises, and certainly no justification for putting a blade to your throat.”

Merlin frowns, and looks like he wants to argue, but once again, a knight beats him to it, Lancelot this time:

“No, Merls. We know how much he means to you. But what he did was wrong, there’s no rationalisation. We all know that you’ve already forgiven him, and that’s why we can’t yet. Probably not for a while.”

Merlin sighs, looking pained, and Leon uses his other hand to tilt his chin up:

“Not to say that we won’t ever forgive him. But someone has to be angry at him for what he’s done, and Lord knows you aren’t gonna do it. Consider us your stand-ins.”

Merlin smiles slightly, and Leon considers that a win, returning the smile and nodding slightly to himself, before looking back down at the Dragon, now seemingly asleep, and purring, on Merlin’s lap.

Elyan releases the death grip on Gwaine’s shoulder, when the now much calmer knight, with a smile on his face, says:

“So... you have a Dragon??”

Merlin chuckles fondly, before looking to him and saying quietly:

“Yeah. Her name is Aithusa. I’m surprised she came alone, Kilgharrah usually doesn’t like it when she runs off.”

Lancelot winces slightly as the other knights look shocked, before Percival says:

“Kil-what-now? There’s another one??”

Merlin grimaces slightly, before looking to Leon worriedly and tightening the grip on his hand:

“Uhh... yeah. Kilgharrah is the name of the Dragon that... attacked Camelot a few years ago.-”

Leon straightens his back and gulps, but doesn’t remove his hand from Merlin’s, nodding at him to continue:

“-I didn’t have control over him until right at the end. I told him to leave and never come back, unless I called him-”

Lancelot makes a noise of realisation as he nods, and interrupts Merlin:

“That’s probably why Aithusa came alone. You didn’t call for her, and technically we’re still within Camelot’s borders. He couldn’t come even if he wanted to. Poor sod is probably clomping around at the edge of the border freaking out.”

Merlin looks to Lancelot and nods, satisfied to feel Leon relax a bit, before looking back to the First Knight apologetically:

“-He does feel really bad at that. He just wanted to get back at Uther for the whole... genocide thing I guess. But that’s no excuse. I just didn’t want to be the one to be responsible for killing the last Dragon, even if Kilgharrah personally might’ve deserved it at the time. That was all before Aithusa came along.”

Everyone nods in understanding, before focussing their attention back on Aithusa. She really was like a giant puppy, even if they had to be wary to avoid her claws as she twitched in her sleep.

Merlin sighs, looking forlorn once again as he realises how exhausted he is, knowing that they’re going to have to get up and make camp at some point. 

He can cope with an awkward, tense silence between him and Arthur easily enough, that’s what the last few weeks had consisted of. But an awkward and tense silence between everyone? Elyan and Percival inwardly fuming? Gwaine outwardly fuming? Leon and Lancelot being all protective? He’s not sure he can deal with that.

At Merlin’s sigh, Lancelot tilts his head to catch his eye. His brow creases as he says softly:

“What is it, Merls?”

Merlin looks up, still squeezing Leon’s hand, before quietly replying:

“Nothing, I’m just tired. We have to re-make camp at some point and I’m not sure if I can deal with everyone being so...”

He waves his free hand around loosely, and Lancelot huffs out a laugh, before kicking Gwaine, getting everyone’s attention:

“We have to go make camp. But Merlin is exhausted, and doesn’t want to deal with any of this shit tonight, so we’re all going to have to play nice for the time being.”

Gwaine growls, and quickly retorts:

“Like hell am I gonna treat him with-”

Lancelot kicks him again, harder this time, and Elyan replaces the harsh hand on his shoulder before forcefully saying:

“Right now, it doesn’t matter what Arthur deserves. Merlin needs peace and quiet, and that’s what we’re going to give him.”

Gwaine grumbles, but begrudgingly nods, and Merlin gives him a grateful smile. 

The knights all stand up, and Merlin shakes Aithusa awake, giving a small chuckle when she stretches like a cat.

Once she takes her weight off of his lap, Merlin follows the knights to stand, almost falling over at the weakness in his legs. Leon and Lancelot catch an arm each, steadying him as he shuts his eyes tightly, willing the dizziness away.

He feels a hand wipe the hair from his forehead, and opens his eyes slowly to see Percival checking him over with an assessing gaze:

“I’m fine, just tired, a little dizzy.”

Lancelot nods in understanding, humming slightly:

“Hmm. I’m not surprised, you haven’t done anything this big in a while, and I doubt you’ve slept well in the last few weeks.”

Merlin gives him a sheepish look as he shakes his head, but it’s Elyan’s questioning gaze that Lancelot responds to:

“I found out by accident when I first met him. Our Warlock isn’t very good at keeping secrets.”

He says it with a small smirk as he looks back down to Merlin, who’s looking indignant:

“Hey! I managed to keep everyone else from finding out.”

Gwaine looks guilty as he raises his arm quietly:

“Actually uh... I knew. I mean not about the whole Emrys, prophecy thing. But the magic stuff, yeah.”

Merlin looks at him, shocked. The other knights share his expression for just a moment before they laugh at the look on Merlin’s face:

“How?!”

Gwaine puts his arm down and laughs again:

“Mate... we met in the middle of a tavern fight, in which shit started literally flying about the moment you joined in.-”

He shrugged, before casually continuing:

“-I figured you would tell me when you wanted to. Until then, it wasn’t my secret to know. You also have me to thank for backing you up every time The Prick asked if I saw you at the tavern.”

Merlin laughed and nodded his thanks, before looking over to where said Prick was setting up camp, a few metres beyond the edge of the crater.

His face fell slightly and the others follow his gaze, tensing slightly in anger when they saw what he was looking at. Merlin takes his arms from Leon and Lancelot, finally feeling steady on his feet, before quietly saying:

“Come on, we might as well get this over with. I’m starving, and tired, and Aithusa will get bored if we don’t start entertaining her.”

Everyone turns around to see Aithusa (now she was sure that her Lord was ok), prancing about in the crater; chasing birds and digging holes.

Merlin raises an eyebrow and everyone else chuckles slightly. Gwaine pushes Lancelot out of the way and takes Merlin’s hand, beginning to walk determinedly towards camp. Everyone catches up quickly, Leon taking Merlin’s other hand when the man had reached out to grab his cape.

Gwaine looks down at Merlin, seeing how nervous he is, and says:

“So. How long until she’s big enough to be ridden? I want you to take me flying, Merlin.”

Merlin chuckles, and looks back to see Aithusa happily trailing them:

“Not for a while. Dragons grow slow, so it’ll be another few years at least. Plus she’s got some issues with bone growth that we’re still trying to fix. She’ll be fine in the long run, but her development is taking a lot longer than normal. She still can’t speak.”

Everyone stops at that, and Merlin’s arms get yanked back when he continued walking. He turns to see Leon giving him an incredulous look:

“Dragons can speak?!”

Merlin tilts his head in confusion, before laughing and tugging them forwards again:

“Yeah. I forget that Uther basically erased all knowledge on Dragons, but they’re just as intelligent as we are. Kilgharrah would like to think that they’re more intelligent, but he’s always been a cryptic, egotistical bastard.-”

The others follow his pace and nod, but the mood darkens as they almost reach the camp. Merlin continues faintly, but quickly:

“I’ll tell you everything I know when... when we get back.”

Leon squeezes his hand, knowing that he was about to say “if”, assuring him that “when” is the right word.

Arthur looks up at the group and gulps from his place next to the fire. He straightens up, the anxiety showing clearly on his face, but before anyone can say anything, Aithusa jumps in between him.

He falls back at the sudden movement and she begins to growl; he widens his eyes as she stalks slowly towards him.

Gwaine smirks again, the others managing to keep their faces blank, but Merlin looks shocked, before he jumps forward and puts a hand on the Dragon’s back:

“Aithusa no. He’s a... friend. It’s ok, he’s-”

Arthur jumps to his feet and interrupts him:

“No, no it’s fine. I’ll... go... sit over there.”

He gestures behind him, and walks quickly away from the fire, sitting just within the fire’s light, the evening dimming around them.

Aithusa tilts her head, snaps her jaws at him once more before completely changing disposition. She begins bouncing around the fire, chirping happily and playfully trying to catch floating embers in her claws.

Merlin smiles slightly and the other knights (bar Gwaine, who is glaring very pointedly at Arthur) chuckle at her antics, before they all sit in a semi circle on the opposite side of the fire to Arthur, Merlin in the middle.

The Warlock is once again wedged protectively between Leon and Gwaine, and he fiddles softly with Leon’s cape in his lap as he stares fondly at Aithusa.

Elyan moves to the packs, unloading food and water and cooking pots. Merlin gets up to help, but Gwaine pulls him back down by the hand and holds on firmly as he says:

“You’ve been through enough. We can put up with Elyan’s shitty cooking for a couple nights.”

Merlin tries to pull away with a “But I can-” but Leon grabs his other hand, holding him down and interrupting:

“Absolutely not. You said yourself that you’re tired. If Elyan needs help, he can ask one of us.”

Merlin huffs sulkily and Leon laughs, stroking the back of his hand protectively.

Leon had known Merlin just as long as Arthur had, and whilst they had virtually nothing to do with each other the first few years, they were still friendly acquaintances, even then. Leon knew full well that it was Merlin who would have a hot meal left in his room after a late patrol, and Merlin always appreciated how Leon kept as many weapons in the armoury in as good nick as possible, so Merlin didn’t have to deal with it.

Besides, even before they knew each other’s names, Leon always found Merlin’s reactions to Arthur’s stupidity funny. He could hardly say it out loud, being the Perfect Knight and all, but he always thought it was a good thing that Arthur had someone at his side keeping him humble, and calling him out in ways no one else would.

Of course they had gotten much closer over the years, as did all of the knights, thanks to Merlin. Currently, Leon was feeling just a tinge of regret at being so grateful for Merlin’s presence at Arthur’s side; he had never really thought about how difficult being that man’s babysitter would be, especially now he knew Merlin had magic. And some sort of destiny.

Time passes fairly quickly whilst Elyan cooks, the others taking to heart what Lancelot had said and trying to keep a quiet, but easy conversation going.

They ask Merlin various questions about Aithusa, Kilgharrah, the Druids, the weird name that he had been called. He answered them all easily enough, but they notice the way he hesitates when they ask about his magic specifically or the prophecies, so they steer clear of those topics.

They’ll definitely want to know the whole story eventually, and they’re practically buzzing with desperation to ask Merlin to show them something magical, but they know that now is not the time.

Dinner is finally served, and despite Gwaine’s statement, it wasn’t actually that bad. Mainly because every time Elyan went to add something to the pot, he would look back desperately at Merlin, and took into account the shakes and nods of his head with a grateful smile.

He did struggle to cover the scowl on his face when he delivered Arthur’s bowl to him, replying to The King’s quiet “thank you, Elyan” with an even quieter “don’t mention it” .

Dinner was eaten quickly and in silence. They hadn’t been unconscious for long, and hour or two at most, but they had all worked up an understandable appetite, Merlin especially. He would never ask for seconds, but knowing that, Elyan gave him an extra big serving without a word.

They entertained themselves after dinner by throwing the last scraps of meat to Aithusa, watching her jump and flip and fly about the camp. Merlin had objected at first, but gave in when he saw the small grin on Leon’s face, and heard the way the others were laughing. The City was only a few days ride away, they could always hunt on the way back.

It didn’t take long for her to tire out and curl up at Merlin’s feet to sleep. Like Merlin had mentioned, Aithusa was developing slowly, and she normally couldn’t fly very far; it must’ve taken a huge amount of energy and effort for her to get all the way here. But like the Knights, she was very protective, and there was no way she could not check on her Lord, after she and Kilgharrah had felt the anguish he was in.

As Kilgharrah once again crosses Merlin’s mind, he sighs, and makes mental note to call him in the morning, when he had more energy.

Merlin is distracted from his thoughts when the camp goes silent all of a sudden, and Gwaine reaches over to squeeze his hand. He looks up in worry, to see that Arthur had stood, and walked a little closer, though he made sure to stay the other side of the fire.

Merlin tenses slightly. He tries not to let it show, but he can knows that he failed when he feels Leon’s hand firmly in the middle of his back. Hidden from the others, but a silent reassurance.

Arthur gulps, obviously nervous, but he meets Merlin’s gaze, flinching at the slight fear in his eyes:

“Merlin, I know nothing I say will-”

He’s interrupted by Gwaine growling and standing suddenly, stepping in front of Merlin protectively, but it’s Lancelot’s harsh words that cut him off fully:

“Not tonight, Arthur. We’re all tired and angry so just... not tonight.”

Arthur clenches his jaw, and blinks away tears before nodding:

“Yes, I... I understand.”

With that, he sniffles slightly before taking a step back. He looks to the floor as he mumbles something about checking the perimeter, before slowly walking away from the camp, into the night.

Merlin lets out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding, and relaxes slightly as Leon runs his hand over his back. Gwaine stares after Arthur for a few moments, deliberating on whether or not to follow him (and presumably, kick his ass). Merlin reaching up to take his hand and pull him back down makes his mind up, and he settles back into his seat, Merlin’s small hand clasped between his two larger ones.

Percival speaking up breaks the tense silence:

“It’s late and Lance is right, we’re all tired. If we want to make quick work of the journey home, and have time to hunt, then we should get some sleep.”

Murmurs of agreement float up around the group, and Gwaine, voice still tense and angry, says:

“I’ll take first-”

But he’s quickly interrupted by Elyan, softly laughing:

“Absolutely not, Gwaine. If you’re left alone we’ll all wake to find the King dead in the morning.”

Gwaine raises a challenging eyebrow, not denying anything, and Elyan huffs, Percival muttering:

“Fine. But I’m taking it with you so you don’t get a chance to smother him.”

Gwaine gives a sarcastic looking smile, before ruffling Merlin’s hair fondly and walking towards the fire. He adds another log, grabs his bedroll, and settles down against a tree, Percival sitting at his side.

Everyone else gathers their rolls, and whilst normally they spread out, they all seem rather desperate to stay as close to Merlin as possible.

Normally he would complain, they all snore, and Merlin is definitely expecting nightmares tonight, but he can’t find it in himself to send them away, and to be perfectly honest, he's certain that they would just move back the moment he closed his eyes anyway.

The Warlock finds himself tucked under Lancelot’s arm, with Leon a respectful distance away on his other side, though still within arm’s reach. Elyan settles somewhere below his feet, and for the first time in weeks, Merlin finds himself fully relaxed. 

Aithusa sleepily moves from her spot by Merlin’s feet, to curl up with Gwaine and Percival, and Merlin smiles at the thought that she not only trusts his friends in general, but trusts them enough to leave Merlin in their care. Dragons are protective and possessive creatures, and that trust speaks volumes.

Merlin is still a little miserable, and he almost resents himself for still being scared of Arthur despite his obvious regret, but... with all that happened... well. You can’t really blame him.

He’s got a gaggle of very protective knights around him, one of which he can vaguely hear trying to persuade another to commit regicide when no one was looking.

He has time to huff out a small laugh as Lancelot pulls him closer, before he drifts off; much quicker than he thought he would. He was comforted by the warmth behind him, the presence at his feet, the guardians watching over him, and the hand reaching towards him in the dark, just about close enough to lay fingers over Merlin’s heartbeat.

No nightmares plague him that night, and he doesn’t even wake to the warning growls sent Arthur’s way when he eventually returned to camp.

The next few days, hell, the next few months would probably be difficult, but he finds himself not as anxious now he knows he won’t have to face it alone.

~

THE END

I don’t think I’ll write a part two to this, but if someone wants to extend it, feel free, same as normal: credit and tag me :)

I’ve had the whole speech written out in full in my phone notes for like two months, but only recently got round to actually turning it into anything. I hope ya’ll enjoyed it!! I wanted to write something hella angsty so....

I’m fairly certain whatever I write next will be the dead opposite of this (FLUFF fluff) but honestly who knows.

Let me know if there’s anything specific you want my thoughts on :)