#because dude was willing to become a whole different person just to feel good about himself

[northlight14]

One thing I fucking love about komahina that I don’t see talked about a lot is that both Nagito and Hajime are basically both completely different and yet the same person. Like yes, on the surface Nagito is this depressed, batshit crazy person and Hajime is just some guy. But when you get down into their characters, both of them are two individuals who are both depressed and really fucking lonely and feel inferior to everyone around them. Both of them admire ultimates so much and feel so inadequate by comparison to them, Nagito to the point he’s willing to die for them and Hajime to the point of giving up his entire being just to be one of them. And they’re both two people who, despite deeply hating themselves, just have to have faith that things will get better. I honestly think the reason Nagito is so hostile to Hajime after finding out he’s a reserve course student is because Hajime just reminds him of the parts of himself he hates.

I just think there’s something so genuinely moving and beautiful about these two characters who deeply hate themselves learning to love each other and in the process learning to hate themselves a little less. They both feel so lonely and yet, against all odds, they find that the last person they ever expected to get it, understands completely how they feel.

[gachagon]

I don't think Kaiser and Ness would be good together

Which is why i think about their relationship constantly despite that, i love these freaky little soccer dudes and their obsessive codependency

If there's one ship in bllk that I absolutely adore the content for and think about constantly besides Kunigiri, it's Kainess. And it's not because I think "Oh they'd be such a wonderful couple" or "They look good together", this is one of those ships where if they ever got together I feel like they'd actively make each other worse because they have so much internal stuff to work on alone first, you know? And just thinking about that potential train wreck of a relationship is enough to keep me entertained for weeks on end.

I've said before that Kaiser and Ness are a Bachira and Isagi parallel in that they show the toxic bad sides of a codependent relationship, but I think there's more to it than that. Like Kaiser and Ness are reliant on each other for both ego and attention, but they're also both deeply lonely people at the end of the day. Even in the scenes where it's just the two of them, they never let up the act of trying to surpass everyone and be at the top.

They have no silly banter or back and forth, even in this panel Ness looks more like Kaiser's personal servant than his friend or partner.

Where as everyone else in the Blue Lock compound has some healthy way of destressing after a match, these two weirdos (affectionate) sit in dark rooms and watch the same matches over and over again while plotting like saturday morning cartoon villains on what to do next game. I mean, even Itoshi Rin has a destress activity he does that's NOT soccer related that helps him not morph into some soccer obsessed monolouging freak, so to see these guys just constantly always planning and thinking and practicing it really puts into perspective how much of the time that they spend together is them not having a fun time casually. And if you compare what they do on their down time with what the other "partners" in Blue Lock do, this difference becomes even more apparent.

And I don't know, I find that to be a really interesting aspect of their relationship just because even though they are so clearly missing all of the key elements meant to make a healthy partnership, it still works on the field anyways because they're both equally obsessed with the same thing. Kaiser loves football and wants to be the best. Ness want's to see Kaiser become the best because he loves football. Their devotion to the game drives them closer to one another, but it's clear only one side holds any real "affection" for the other directly outside of the game.

Now, I do NOT think Kaiser hates Ness which I think people assume if you say "Kaiser doesn't hold a lot of empathy for Ness, or cares for him" that it translates to "Kaiser hates him".

I think Kaiser keeps Ness around because deep down he knows that at the end of the day the only person who would be willing to follow him even if he couldn't become the worlds best is Ness. And I think that's because Ness loves soccer in a different way than Kaiser does. To Ness, soccer is a really magical sport and one where amazing things can happen. And Kaiser is the only character who has done the most insane feats in the manga so far. Kaiser does things on the field that seem impossible until he pulls it off, which is the whole crux of his ego anyways: Making the impossible, Possible.

So as long as Kaiser plays that way and does all of the amazing things he's been doing, Ness would follow him literally anywhere because that's what drives him.

But Kaiser is different, it's clear that to him soccer/football is not something that is grounded in the fantastical, but something that's tangible and real to him. He takes it seriously even if he goes about it in the most dramatic and campy way possible. Looking at old chapters of Blue Lock when Kaiser was first introduced is so interesting to me because I forgot about Kaiser's whole "king" attitude where he pretty much talks and acts like some nobleman with a crown and scepter.

He even makes Ness "bow" to others or makes Ness physically lower than him like a king does with some peasant. You could chalk it up to him making Ness "apologize" in the Japanese way by also bowing, but I don't think that's why he does it just because his entire character is just so "king" coded.

It's worth noting that he also makes Ness "bow" whenever Ness seems to lose any kind of faith in them winning. Which is why I don't think the above two times was him making Ness apologize, but that its something he does to ground himself or make Ness fall more in line with how he's thinking at the moment. Notice how he seems to only do it when Ness isn't sticking to the right "script" or seems to show the wrong reaction openly etc.

But anyways, Kaiser and Ness love soccer but they don't love it for the same reasons and that is what ultimately conflicts with their relationship in the end. That, and they've both got their own issues to work out.

I feel like if they did ever get together, it just wouldn't work because in order for it to work, Kaiser has to first realize that he can still be an amazing player and have people regard him as the best without obsessing over where he sits in the rankings. That he can perform things nobody else can and never will and that is the thing that will separate him from the rest of the crop, not a trophy saying "Number 1" on it.

Maybe before when they first met things could've worked out well, but even still I think Kaiser was dead set on his goals of becoming number 1 long before he ever met Ness. We will definitely get to see the extent of that next week for sure I hope, when we learn more about Kaiser's past.

[chirpingfromthebox]

Me just thinking out loud and inarticulately trying to wrap my head around my thoughts on the simmering dumpster fire that is my hometown team. Feel free to scroll on by.

I feel like something missing from a lot of the Curl discussion is the context it all happened in. Lots of articles and posts make it seem like the problem fans have is just that Curl got drafted at all. And I think the context around it all matters.

The league shit canned Natalie Darwitz days before the draft, wouldn't say why, acted like they aren't saying anything because they want to respect Darwitz, but meanwhile Darwitz seems like she would LOVE to talk about the situation.

To make matters worse there's all this talk and speculation surrounding the role Klee had in this, and amongst that he goes to the draft table with the emptiest table of any team, drafts Curl in the second round, (you can tell the league already was ready for bad fallout from Curl because they had a prepared statement locked and loaded to go out in the youtube chat seconds after it happened), and then Klee IMMEDIATELY makes things worse by purposefully staging her draft photo to be taken with St. Paul's mayor Melvin Carter (a black man) and the assistant coach (a queer woman).

Then Klee, the team, and the league decide to handle the fallout from everything in the most half-assed tone-deaf manner possible.

Before the Darwitz debacle I had mentally prepared myself for the eventuality that someone would draft Curl. But I had prepared myself for someone doing it in the back half of the draft.

A team would get her, but at least it would suggest Curl's actions had lowered her value considerably in teams' eyes.

Like, none of the craziness happened, and Darwitz had drafted Curl in the 5th or 6th round, made a proper acknowledgement of the situation and their plan for moving forward, and Curl had made an apology video that was written by someone who didn't go to the American Political School of Empty Statements?

I think the community could understand. We wouldn't love it, but we could live with it. It would be like seeing a big spider in the corner of my ceiling: I certainly don't like it, and I'm gonna keep my eye on this, but as long as it doesn't step to me any further we'll be alright.

But that's not what happened. And that's not how it happened.

And I'm still not sure what to do with my Minnesota fandom at this point.

At the moment I'm waiting to see what the final team looks like. If they re-sign their queer players I'm willing to put in the work to fight against Mr. Potato Head's attempts to sabotage my team, and try to at least make the fan community as welcoming and inclusive as possible.

But if Klee and co. don't bring back Minnesota's queer players? Then I'm out. For the good of my own mental health I'll go support a different team until they can get their shit together.

Because I do believe that people can change. Especially people in their 20s who were dumb-ass ignorant assholes in college. And she's not my main problem. My main problem is what does this team and this league want to be? Because someone like Curl coming into a queer positive environment is one thing. But her coming into a place with nothing but conservative ideals and a pinkwashed door? That's something else entirely.

And if the people at the top are going to fire the woman who built the team, put a dude in charge, give a person with a history of supporting bigoted ideas a position of influence, and become the only team in the league without any queer players?

And then have the gall to claim to be an inclusive?

Fuck that.

[also everyone wants to act like Minnesota is some rogue villain in all this and that isn't fair. This isn't like the big league male teams: there are no individual team owners here. The league controls it all and their fingers are in every pie. But that's a whole different conversation.]

[sourw0lfs]

dance with the devil - part seventeen

Words: 761 | Rating: E | CW: mentions of blood, panic attacks | AO3

one || sixteen || eighteen

The sidewalk is painful under Steve’s feet with the pace he sets himself at once he reaches the bottom of the stairs. He thinks, vaguely, that there are more footsteps echoing behind him as he runs, trying in vain to catch up. He doesn’t look back to see for himself.

Instead he just runs.

He runs until his chest burns with a different kind of fire, until his legs beg for him to stop, and then he runs some more. The streets are eerily empty, or maybe Steve’s just too far gone to notice the stares he’s getting as he runs. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is putting distance between himself and those around him. There’s something wrong with him and he isn’t safe to be around. He’s killed someone, probably two someones. There can’t be a third and there can’t be a chance of that third being Robin.

The sidewalk gives way to packed dirt and rocks. The buildings give way to trees. Steve doesn’t stop.

His foot catches a protruding root, sending him sprawling. A sob leaves his lips unbidden as he tries to draw in breaths through his heaving lungs. His whole body hurts anew, no longer trained for being pushed to those kinds of limits, and Steve can’t even find the strength to push himself back up again. He just lays in the dirt, sobbing but thankful to be alone.

There’s no one for him to hurt in the woods. Everyone he cares about is safe.

Hurried footsteps reach his ears, filling stomach with dread as they close in on where he’s fallen, but Steve still doesn’t have the strength to get up. Instead he just closes his eyes and wills the person to not notice him there.

“Steve!” Eddie’s voice echoes through the trees as the footsteps pick up with purpose. “Jesus H Christ, dude, you can’t just take off like that.”

Steve cracks one eye open to look up at Eddie as he kneels down, eyes trailing over Steve’s body as if he’s checking for injuries. He looks even more exhausted than he had in the apartment for a moment Steve feels bad about it, gearing up to tell Eddie to go away. But then it hits him. Eddie’s already dead. Steve can’t kill him a second, surely. Which makes Eddie safe to be around.

“S’not safe,” he mumbles. “Had to… keep them safe…”

It takes every bit of energy Steve still has to get the words out, and he isn’t even sure Eddie hears them. He closes his eyes again, ready to become one with the ground in his exhaustion when Eddie’s hand clutches his shoulder. It sends a shock through Steve’s body, pulling free a yelp of surprised pain, before all of his aches, pains, and tiredness vanish. It leaves Steve feeling bereft and antsy as he sits up and glares at Eddie.

“I didn’t ask you to fix me,” he snaps as Eddie flops back this time, waving a hand lazily in Steve’s direction.

“Kind of my job, Steve,” Eddie reminds him. “Gotta keep you safe and well or Joyce is going to drag me to Hell by my ear or something.”

Steve snorts. “Pretty sure she’d forgive you for not taking care of a murderer,” he bites back.

The word leaves a sour taste in his mouth, but it’s the truth. He’s a murderer. He’s killed at least two people during whatever the weird blackouts he’s been having are. Even though they feel grossly like he’s not in control, Steve doesn’t really think that excuses anything.

“I don’t think it matters if you’re a murderer or not,” Eddie replies. “Probably gets me more points anyway, doing good deeds when I should leave you for dead.”

“Right, sure.”

Steve thinks the words are neutral enough, but it seems Eddie doesn’t, because he’s pushing himself into a sitting position a second later, eyes narrowed in Steve’s direction. “Do you want me to leave you for dead?” he asks. “Or do you want me to help you figure out what’s going on?”

The questions give Steve pause, frowning heavily in Eddie’s direction. Since getting the full timeline of events back, he hadn’t stopped to consider figuring out why. His only concern had been keeping people safe. But if they could figure it out…

“Do you think figuring out could help it stop happening?” he asks in return.

Eddie shrugs, expressing trying and failing to fall somewhere in the realm of nonchalant. “Can’t hurt to try, right?”

Steve can’t find a reason to disagree.

Tag list below the cut!

@chaosgremlinmunson @soaringornithopter @hbyrde36 @shares-a-vest @dreamwatch

@quevadilla @puppy-steve @penny00dreadful @momotonescreaming @stevesbipanic

@dawners @little-birch-boy @steddiejudas @just-my-latest-hyperfixation @estrellami-1

@vthx @lolawonsstuff @gleek4twd @littlebluejane @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lawrencebshaggoth

@sadisticaltarts @queenie-ofthe-void @r0binscript @anaibis @hairdressersdoitwithstyle

@goodolefashionedloverboi @spookednsaucy @anne-bennett-cosplayer @flustratedcas @mugloversonly

@ellietheasexylibrarian @damnpotatoe @awkwardgravity1

[greenerteacups]

hihi i saw you were semi-active on tumblr and figured i would ask if you'd be willing to elaborate a bit on the whole push/pull relationship theo and daphne have in lionheart? i've done a couple rereads but i still can't quite figure out how they feel about one another.

hope you're having a great christmas gt <3

i've got good news and bad news. the good news: you've read it perfectly well, because "can't figure out how they feel about one another" is exactly what's going on with them at any given moment. so this is greatly vindicating for both you as reader and myself as author. the bad news: you have just given me license to talk about theodore nott and daphne greengrass, a dynamic that gets an understandably small amount of attention and yet consumes large volumes of my headspace. so. spoilers ahead!

daphne and theo break my heart, because they're a story in wasted potential. theo and pansy are obviously old childhood friends, but i think daphne is just someone who knew them socially and only really got close to them at school — cf. her conversation with draco at the yule ball — because first year forced theo to make friends who weren't pansy for the first time, and daphne finally had a chance to socialize without her parents coddling her. they get along like a house on fire, pansy rocks up to join them in second year, and this is the cute little nega-Trio draco meets in book 2. it's a fashionable nucleus of dry humor and ferocious mutual protectiveness, which theo demonstrates especially in the hospital wing at the end of book 3.

but theo continues to suffer the chronic condition of Being Theodore Nott, and so when the plot comes knocking, things go south for him expeditiously, especially his personal relationships. daphne develops a crush on him as early as book 3, and being daphne, she's incredibly obvious about it, but being (1) a teenage boy and also (2) an incipient domestic terrorist, he naturally avoids dwelling on it — and then maybe-kind-of-starts-to-reciprocate, because hey huh wait a second you sure do care about this girl a lot, don't you, theodore? — but by that point the war's started revving up in the background and he has Other Shit To Deal With.

it doesn't help that the two of them are being drawn in radically different political directions, partly because of her friendship with draco, but also because of her own choices. theo's mistake here isn't malicious, but he really does ice daphne out (as he does everyone but pansy, pretty much, in fairness) for most of book 4, and by the time he realizes that he could actually lose her, it's too late. probably he doesn't realize how far she's migrating once she drifts out of his influence — daphne is incredibly susceptible to suggestion and is deeply influenced by those around her, which becomes clear once she's transplanted into gryffindor and discovers this much kinder, more chivalrous side of her nature. given that chameleon-quality of hers, it's understandable for theo to be shocked when she pivots away from him and pansy the space of less than a year. but also, I think it's telling that he's that surprised, since daphne hasn't been in good with the rest of slytherin for months at this point. and in turn, this surprise angers her, because like — dude, seriously? forget the romantic stuff; you're supposed to be her best friend, and you couldn't tell that she was doing a Character Arc behind your back? (strains of this feeling heavily inform what she says to draco during the Yule Ball, especially re: theo and pansy being each other's platonic soulmates. she feels locked out, in every sense: from slytherin, from her friends, from her parents, from everything. she wants in on something, and it drives her to do something pretty callous to draco and hermione, as she realizes and regrets. daphne is not always a kind person, even when she's a nice one.)

that anger, and theo's unfortunate failure to do anything useful about it whatsoever — slytherins! purebloods! low EQ! not great at the whole making-amends thing! — is what makes it possible for her to sever ties with slytherin completely, effectively terminating the close friendship she had with him and pansy (who's slightly less reconciled to that separation, but pansy is also much less politically involved than theo both philosophically and functionally, so it's easier for her to double-dip). it's my headcanon that if theo had even 15% less to worry about, he'd be making more of an effort to revive that relationship, but kid is in hardcore Survival Mode for most of book 4, and just knowing that daphne's not in immediate physical danger has to be enough for him. meanwhile, upstairs, daphne is discovering the Life-Changing Magic of Real Friendship, and like, it's kind of a blast? and lavender and parvati are really cool? and gosh now that theo isn't the center of her living universe, isn't it funny how all these tall good-looking boys are wandering around? funny, that!!

this isn't to say that their story is finished — it isn't! there's still a lot of gas left in this tank, and many, many things these two have left to say to each other — but that's where the story leaves us. they were close; there was a real possibility of something, and likely some degree of mutual interest; but the timing was never right, and it's not going to get any easier if things keep going in the direction they are now. (but who knows?)

[o-uncle-newt]

Cabin Pressure Advent Day 23: Wokingham

WOKINGHAMMMMMMMM!

I absolutely love everything about this episode. Literally everything. It's just basically perfect.

It's also, like Vaduz, an episode that would never, ever, EVER have happened in S1. I mean, S1 had a dude literally die on the plane and "it "what to do" was turned into a comedy routine... this is a much more, Idunno, humanist approach, I guess. It's hilarious, but it takes its humor from things other than the actual medical situation itself.

But even beyond that- would S1 Douglas have played along when Carolyn said that he cried when confronted by the bird strike in St Petersburg? Would he have even put a pause on the game? Would he have even shown up? Almost definitely not. The only constant, of course, is Arthur, who would have been equally willing to show up to keep Martin's mother busy in any season you can name. Lovely, lovely Arthur, and what an absolutely perfect scene by the way.

Now, there's the meta way of looking at it where people are like "I appreciated it when JF was writing a darker and more cynical show," which a) I disagree with factually (I think there were always hints of what the show would become from the beginning- I mean, as far back as Abu Dhabi, Douglas helped Martin out with the match) and b) I disagree with as a matter of taste (the heartwarming episodes are GREAT). But I have to hope that the meta people at least concede that the development FROM S1 to S4 in terms of the very different ways that people behave is extremely consistent with the character development. Douglas and Carolyn have both made some strides in the way that they relate to Martin that allow them to go run interference for him, but at the same time Martin has grown to become the kind of person who they mind less running interference for. He's mellowed, he's started to be less hung up on his rank for the most part, he's less obsessed with his self image. S1 Douglas would have never done it- but S1 Martin would have given him little reason to, and we've seen that change pretty organically.

It also helps, obviously, that Douglas and Carolyn know exactly what they're dealing with. Some of it, maybe, is seeing how Martin (and, to be honest, Caitlin!) ended up that way, with Simon to cut him down to size- and, as we've heard, his dad as well back when he was alive. (Incidentally, I meant to mention this in Uskerty but I found the fact that Martin has worn his dad's signet ring since the funeral to be both really sweet and just... gah. Emotional.) I feel like we've also all, at some point, met people who are, if not Simons themselves, have Simonistic qualities, so to speak. Carolyn and Douglas, as people who love to put on performances like this and have a bit of a proprietary feeling about Martin (in an "only we get to tease him" kind of way), presumably did it at least partly for the fun of it!

That said, this episode would not have been what it could have been without Wendy. Prunella Scales is amazing, and it's worth noting that (as JF mentioned in a podcast interview I heard once) she was in the early stages of dementia and, according to JF, was not always with it offstage but was just absolutely astonishing as soon as they started performing. She plays every note so perfectly, and adds a really interesting note of, well, momness (or I guess I should say mumness) that is really easy to identify with and also a VERY striking contrast to Carolyn, both for better and, occasionally, for worse- Carolyn would have never said anything remotely like "maybe Simon knows best" lol.

All in all, just really really good fun, hilarious, well plotted, all the usual... oh, and with another amazing audio humor joke with the doctor asking about the costume party. Just perfect.

Important question though: how on earth in this whole brag-off with Simon did Martin never slip that he's dating the freaking Princess of Liechtenstein?! How?!?! I'm not going to call it a plot hole because that's not how these things work, but I can imagine that he had to REALLY hold himself back from blurting it out.

[quetzalpapalotl]

If you would be interested in talking about it I would love to know- how do you think IDW1 OP feels about the way Shockwave surgically altered him to carry the Matrix? It's such a wild note to me (both in what it implies about the Matrix and the whole idea of the "chosen leader" being something everyone in power understands you have to artificially construct, and in the sense of how OP understands his duty as a Prime because of it).

I'm always interested in talking about this disaster of a man, thank you.

This ended very long, I went on many tangents and for that I'm sorry, but I hope it does answer your question. Since this is about how I read OP I focused more on his character in the comics as a whole rather than what the authors were thinking.

First, I personally don't think that being altered to have a Matrix compartment really makes any difference on whether one can actually carry the Matrix. It makes it easier, but the Matrix still has a morality lock that a frame modification is not gonna pass. But then again, the morality lock doesn't end up mattering and it doesn't make the Primacy any less of a construct, but we'll get back to that.

Now, we can guess that despite having multiple Prime candidates, Orion was Shockwave's favorite. Shockwave calls him his brightest hope and entrusts him to Zeta in case anything happens to Shockwave. Yet there's a lot Shockwave didn't tell Orion, he didn't tell him about Zeta, he didn't tell him about the other candidates. He did the noncon body modification and is overall an extremely shady dude. But Orion has no distrust of him. Shockwave sort of acts like he expects Orion to rise up to do what Shockwave needs when he asks for it and Orion is perfectly willing to do it (as Roller calls out).

This makes sense, OP is a character who very badly wants to believe in Goodness, Hope, Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice, more than he actually believes in it. In a way, he's playing fake it till you make it with reality and he reacts very intensely whenever the world disappoints him. This leads to him being either very trustful or very cynical depending on the person and situation.

Orion was a very privileged kind of naive. He thought the world was fundamentally good, that all you have to do to stop bad things is to stop the wrongdoers and that everything can be solved through the right channels. His encounter with Megatron shatters this image and makes him realize that he actually doesn't know how the world works.

To this Shockwave presents himself, he genuinely wants to help Cybertron, he understands that which Orion doesn't (Orion directly compares him to Megatron on this) and Shockwave has the idea that to fix the planet they just have to put the right person in power, Shockwave is still working with the system. The last point means that change can come peacefully, which is perfect as Orion wants to avoid a violent revolution (he has ideas on who's allowed to use violence). Shockwave presents himself as the solution to Orion's firts major moral crisis, so it's really no wonder that Orion clings to him so badly.

(Side note, but Shockwave seems to be winging his whole plan. It's unclear if he found out Nominus' Matrix was a fake before Sentiel and Proteus, but he didn't bring that up in CT. So if he ever thought it was real, was his plan to kill Nominus and shove the Matrix in OP's chest hoping it would take? Was that why he had multiple candidates? After he found out he was fake, was he planning on finding the real Matrix or also use a fake? Probably whichever was more viable)

Orion himself never shows any interest in becoming Prime, never even talks about the possibility. He seems just willing to go along with it because he's willing to go along with whatever Shockwave says. He insists to Roller that he's not with Shockwave because he singled him out (tho, I think he certainly likes Shockwave's attention). And after Shockwave dies in spirit, and someone else he trusted shows up to take the Primacy, Orion is happy to go along and serve under him.

(There is a version of events where OP ends up being Shockwave's puppet Prime which makes me insane to think about)

That's right! It's time to talk about IDW1's most important character!! This was a trap!!

Zeta fills in the gap Shockwave left in Orion's life, and he even actually ends functionism!!! (officially that is), so he seems like the right person to put all his hopes in. Despite this, he isn't Shockwave, Orion is not as taken by him and does bring up the fact that this Matrix and Primacy thing is made up to him.

What I want to highlight here is that Zeta not only admits to Orion that the matrix and the primacy are symbols to be used for control, but he also calls Orion himself a symbol, even before he becomes Optimus (but in a way, progressing the path Shockwave put him in by trying to make him a Prime). Zeta jumpstarts OP's mythification by using his image for propaganda.

Orion at first doesn't think that this is very cash money, but on top of being desperate to believe in someone, this questioning happens at the same time that he loses his faith in the Decepticon due to the other stuff happening. So out of good options (at least form his POV), he decided that hey, maybe Zeta has a point. Maybe we can use the symbols for good, since things are such chaos otherwise. And even tho he would later disown Zeta, I think he still learned to wrong lesson from him.

So, Zeta turns out to suck massively, he aids in killing him, Megatron shoots him in the back and he finds the real Matrix. After things didn't work out with the 3 dudes Orion had put his hopes in, it seems that now Optimus has to embody his own values himself. But out of those 3 Shockwave didn't let him down willingly, I think Optimus still wants to pay respect to his memory and their dream. And besides, because OP is prone to question all his life choices and will spent the rest of his life struggling to give up control, I think he does wonder that maybe things wouldn't have gone so far if, instead of blindly trusting Zeta, he had become Prime from the beginning as Shockwave wanted.

Now we know from the end of Mtmte that the Matrix' morality lock reacts to your own feeling. Someone like Rodimus who wanted to prove himself felt good bonding with the Matrix because that's what he expected. Optimus feels pain, he feels the fear of war in all Cybertronians, he calls him a warning about responsibility. This all reflects what Optimus himself thinks of responsibility: that is a burden.

When OP finds the Matrix he was feeling guilty over having followed Zeta, over having let things get this bad. But OP's idea of making amends is to take on more responsibility. Every time he tries to step down he ends up coming back because he feels that's what he has to do. So it's really not so much that because the Matrix choose him that he has to become Prime, but rather that because he can use this power he has to. He morally obliged to do so because what's happening is his fault. Besides, he was already the leader of the Autobot forces going into battle against Megatron (even tho in Autocracy he also acts like a regular cop, this is a mess, but let's roll with it) so this is still his duty. And what's he gonna do? Not try to stop Megatron? (Optimus is someone cannot stay still, but his repertoire of solutions is lacking). He not only chooses to use the literal and symbolic power of the Matrix, but he also chooses to become a symbol himself, one that's supposed to embody all the good in the world. (And this is also part of why he always comes back, he made himself too big on an idea to be able to just fade)

But it is a choice, even if Optimus doesn't think he has a right to refuse. OP always frames everything he does as a choice (at least in retrospective, he can go "you leave me no choice" in the moment). So if it's something that Shockwave wanted him to do, he still did it willingly. This sense of hyperresponsability also has OP never consider himself a victim, he doesn't tend to emphasize the ways in which he has been hurt, he never ever talks about how Zeta used him and lied to him (he has no right, he hurted people). So this aspect of him is why I think he doesn't acknowledge Shockwave violated his bodily autonomy. Shockwave saved him from the Senate, repaired him and made the modifications for the greater good. So really, OP was harmed and is fine.

Anyway, even tho, OP was indeed technically "chosen" by the Matrix, he still sees the whole thing as much of a construct as Zeta's Primacy. He has respect for the Matrix, he knows it can create life, it saved him from death, it gave him a vision and there's all the powers he would use later. Still, he doesn't think it's actually divine or that bonding with it makes him that special. During the course of the war he has made far more use of the Matrix' symbolic power than of its practical uses. (Including saying that the Matrix is giving him a vision to get out of situations dhasgdkjashdas I love that)

(And he's not wrong about the Matrix not making you special. Mtmte shows us that anyone can open it under the right mindset. And even if Zeta, Sentinel and Nominus never carried the real thing, Nova did, so I wouldn't argue it is a good judge of character)

Optimus doesn't feel super comfortable using the idea of the Matrix this way, but this is far from the only and/or worse morally dubious strategy he pulls out for the greater good. He kinda goes back and forth between paying lip serive to the idea that he's Just A Dude, and using the Matrix as an ID card. Until we get to Combiner Wars and onwards where OP is fully, shamelessly cashing on the religious clout of being Prime. But he also seems so struggle managing this internally in that he tries to not buy his own hype but it does get to his head sometimes.

Also, there's something funny going on in that Optimus' Autobots don't seem to have any formally institutionalized religion. I mean, Optimus had authority before the Matrix and I don't recall any official statemen in the Autobot code or anything that the Matrix means one is Primus' chosen and that's who the leader is (Bee could be voted into position, and Optimus stll considered Bee the leader when he got it the matrix back even if he did undermine him). Now the idea certainly exists and I don't doubt it what used for propaganda, but Autobots seem to be left to their own devices in matters of faith and everyone has their own beliefs.

But even if not everyone thinks that Optimus' is Primus' chosen exactly, the idea that the Matrix is... something and that it choosing Optimus means he is special is certainly the prevalent notion. In this sense, the Matrix becomes part of Optimus' mythos rather than the other way around. Optimus idealization is so real it causes people to develop delusions. And Optimus himself doesn't do much to avoid this. Sure, this kind of thing is often beyond one's hands, especially when you're one of the few people who can go toe-to-toe with Megatron (who also mythicized himself), but even if he denies being special when asked directly (which is usually to his closer friends who already idealize him less than the average bot), I doubt he has ever gone on official record like "My fellow Autobots, the Matrix doesn't mean shit". On the most charitable of takes, this kind of thing serves for morale, which would be needed when battling a figure like Megatron.

So Optimus is always under the shadow of himself. An idea he created from the dregs of a rotten legacy that he has to live up to because it's his duty to do so, because he can't not do anything and this is what he knows what do to. And this all ties back to Barber's broader themes of symbols, stories and Optimus as an idea as well as a person. And as we know, the ultimate conclusion Optimus reaches is that yeah, no, the Primacy cannot be salvaged, no one should have that much power regarldess of intentions, it needs to die so Cybertronians can move on, so he takes it to the grave with him.

[hereforthefunnyguys]

I'm interested in this duke x yami marik x yugi 👀👀

okay so. First of all, I have no clue what started out the idea of it. I think it was that I was into all three individual relationships, and just decided to combine them. But I think it works out actually pretty thematically well.

For starters, I think Duke and Yugi's relationship is really underrated; for starters, I think its the strongest possible version of Yugi's "I could fix him" syndrome in the entire series, which is funny, because Duke seems to really really really like Yugi (meaning that he participated in the mortifying ordeal of Making New Friends for his sake) while Yugi spent the grand majority of their interactions being sidelined. And in his defense, it is perfectly justifiable to be sidelined by A) your puzzle getting smashed B) the house you're in burning down C) The Entire Ordeal That Was Battle City. So Dukes just trying his hardest while the whole universe is friendzoning him ToT. But I think they have a fun dynamic, and I think Yugi is one of those people thats just so incredibly earnest about everything that it kind of forces Duke out of his shell of apathy. Similarly, I think he has a kind of cleverness that Yugi would appreciate, without quite the same level of crazy that certain other intelligent people with daddy issues have in this series (coughcoughKAIBAcoughcough).

On the other hand, with Yami Marik and Yugi, I think it would be funny to watch Yugi's "I could fix him" syndrome work with someone where there is a strong possibilty they are just. unfixable. So he cant fix that man. But he can fuck him, though. That might calm him down a bit.Jokes aside, I feel like Yugi is probably the only person in the cast with enough patience and/or willingness to understand the thought process behind how Yami Marik ticks. I don't know if that would make Yami Marik like him necessarily - I don't know if he can really like anyone - but I think it would intrigue him somewhat, and you just know he would love to monologue all his evil thoughts to Yugi for hours on end. Like a therapist for supervillains.

On the other hand, and I've mentioned this before, Yugi is incredibly skilled at games, which would by extension make him incredibly good at shadow games. If we've learned one thing from that Bakura-Yami Marik duel, it's that Yami Marik loves a difficult opponent. (Unless he loses, of course). (But I'm willing to say that might not be true for Yugi since I'd doubt he'd enact a shadow game where the punishment is cessation of existence, which is Yami Marik's only real fear.) So if we were to interpret in a different way, I think Yugi actually has potential to become someone Yami Marik respects.

Finally, my justification for yami Malik and Duke being together. I think Yami Malik would make Duke so much worse.

That's it. That's the whole reason why.

(Actually, there are other thoughts, but I can't verbalize them properly rn.)

So together, I think you have this really weird act of moral tug-of-war between a party thats definitely evil, a party thats definitely good, and a party that will do anything to please the people he loves, which cannot be a good combination, but it is an entertaining one for certain. So you get

Yugi: Dating two guys that are regularly considered some of the hottest people in the Yugioh universe and are also a foot taller than him. He's doing well.

Yami Marik: He gets two new people to tease however he wants that still aren't gonna just roll over and die if he starts a fight with them (i stand by my hc that Yami Marik prefers partners who have some bite in them instead of the helpless victim types).

Duke: On one hand he's dating the dude he has had a crush on forever. On the other hand, he is also now dating the most insufferable and incredibly blunt person he's ever met that has ZERO appreciation for all his social graces :/ and is also kind of a representation of all his repressed loathing for his father but hey lets not worry about that rn.

My final justification is that I think they'd be willing to do weird fucked up shit to each other (both in a sexual sense and sometimes not in a sexual sense) that nobody else in the Yugioh universe would tolerate.

So that's my rant lol

[happy-ramm]

Hi!

First of all: Thank you very much, I really appreciate all of your input on the current rammstein situation and I’d totally say I agree!

The situation is fucked.

I just want to add some of my thoughts about all of this, if that’s ok:

Let’s start with: I hate it here.

I hate what this debate does to the bigger image of the band: they are in the process of becoming a tool to express hate towards women and the general idea of feminism. There are misogynists, fans of this red pill ideology ‘defending’ Till by simply calling the women who came forward with allegations slurs. And there are fanaccounts sharing these videos like “go watch it, big recommendation” … you’re like ten seconds in and the dude in the video calls a woman “bitch”/“hoe” because he has ‘evidence’ that she might be lying? Shut up, Sherlock and maybe let some professional investigator do their job?

Who do they think they’re helping with that? It’s ridiculous, really embarrassing and not helpful at all imho.

This antifa-incident now also gives a lot of rather right winged people (Nazis lol) the opportunity to slide in the comment section of posts about it and spread hate of the political left as a whole and force their ideas of “the lefts being the new facists” on everyone. This connection is also very nice for all those journalists out there who love discussing rammstein as nazis! And also veeeery nice for the current political situation in Germany! much wow. I’m so done. (Also quick advice to all the activists out there: if you feel like vandalism, maybe rather write ‘no stage for Nazis’ on some buildings that are owned by ‘Alternative für Deutschland’?)

(These right winged accounts also really often show their homophobia - which I find quite ironic given the fact that rammstein eg waved pride flags in poland and their guitarists kissing on stage like every concert now but ok)

Id def consider myself somewhere on the spectrum of the political left and I also think that one can (and should) read rammsteins appearance in their political songs in this context.

My point being: there are now a lot of people interested in rammstein who seem to actually have nothing in common with their world view? It just makes me really uncomfortable and I hope that once this is over they’ll loose their interest in the band again.

I’ve been to three rammstein concerts and one of Lindemanns shows - until now everything was ok and we met some nice people. (Even tho the Lindemann Show was a rather weird, unique experience in general but that’s sth different) .. all in all I’d say my (female passing) friends and I were having a good time and everything was ok.

But with all of this, with the chance that the amount of these kinds of really bad people being interested in rammstein and as a result maybe also attending the concerts is growing - I might be afraid of going to another one (if there will be another tour?) and no, not because of Till Lindemann.

Sorry for the late repsonse Anon! I was moving house!

In general, though, I share a lot of your concerns. Situations such as this one are tricky because what is ultimately the dealings between two people and their own feelings/experiences of the matter gets submitted to the greater public for their judgement. Politics, laws, personal morals and agendas all get dumped in one big pot to boil over and eventually fester. It is all very confusing...and then out pops something nasty. In this case, the misogynistic right wing.

Frankly, I am not surprised that the right-wing has found a little nest within the Rammstein fandom. I do not say that because I believe Rammstein harbours any sympathies with that ideology - I like you firmly believe them to be a left-leaning band - but simply because people's media literacy skills are in general....ah, how to say this politely?....ah yes, they are fuckin' shit.

Rammstein is a band that rewards those willing to look deeper; those who love satire and those who simply have a good sense of humour. Unfortunately, they also appeal to those who really like when things go BANG.

Now, I also like when things go bang, don't get me wrong - pure sensation can never be underrated in terms of art. However, its a matter of aesthetics versus text. A reasonable person would conclude that these can't be separated: their interaction, whether it be complimentary or contrasting, creates the meaning. In the case of Rammstein, however, there exists a neat line, formed due to the language barrier between the band and the general audience.

This barrier has benefitted Rammstein - I believe they would not have gotten so far if their content was in English, for instance, but it means there are too many who only see "the picture".

The hardness. The hypermasculinity. The violence. The sexual imagery. The stoicism. The evocation of fascism. And all without the crucial framing of the lyrics.

Even when the satire should be self-evident, many miss the cue. Take Links 234 as an example: a song which functions as a politically rally for the left, specifically against the right, and was constructed in response to a reactionary media who sought controversy and not understanding, has ended up as a right-wing marching song in many minds.

It is very frustrating

Even more frustrating is deciding how to deal with this....

Argue with every idiot you see on the internet? Now, that's a Sisyphean task.

Leave the fandom altogether? Well, that feels like a different kind of defeat.

Realistically speaking, there is no silver bullet. One decides what is best for themselves. Personally, I feel no fear participating in the fandom as a queer AFAB person. Reality is different from the online spaces and I have never felt uncomfortable at their concerts, and when online, the block button is a blessing. I have no idea how this recent controversy is going to change the demographic of the Rammstein fandom, but I know I ain't going to fuckin budge to leave space for some Nazi twat. All I can say is, I hope this situation is resolved quickly, and I hope all Nazis die in a fuckin' fire.

That is all.

[renaerys]

Don’t take this the wrong way cause I’m just curious and this is my first time on your tumblr account lol (I’ve been following your blossick fics). I’m familiar with Naruto since I was young and I was wondering about how you got into the sasori and Sakura ship cause for me it’s very random. What made you ship them instead of the canon ship? You’ve probably answered this before so sorry if I’m asking!

Not at all! That's a really good question. I'll put it under a Read More because 2014 fandom ptsd re the end of Naruto taught me too well.

The tl;dr for why I don't like the canon SS ship is that I thought they had nothing positive in their foundation, which was only made so much worse in the final chapters. There were plenty of opportunities for Kishimoto to show us that they had chemistry and actually cared about each other in a meaningful, non-superficial way over the course of the manga, but bizarrely he did the complete opposite in a way that felt not just careless, but downright malicious at times, especially in the final war chapters. It was honestly offensive to read, even as an anti-shipper, and I found myself feeling really bad for the people who like that ship in the end. What a shit way for their OTP to become canon.

I'm not going to get into the dirty details here because that ship fandom is fucking demented about anti sentiment, even when it's delivered in a respectful way. Frankly, I don't have the time or patience anymore to debate online about a fictional couple in a manga that ended years ago. If people like the ship, cool! I hope they have fun shipping it and making good content for it. I happen not to like it, and I'm extremely comfortable in that camp and always will be.

As for SasoSaku, go re-read the manga where they fight! It's the hottest villain/hero encounter I have EVER read. There are some very compelling takeaways from that fight:

They have diametrically opposed world views, and yet they both demonstrate a willingness (and even a desperation) to understand something about the other's point of view. And they actually accomplish that, to different degrees, in the end. Sasori lets the last attack hit him because Sakura got through to him and made him acknowledge that he had failed, that he had made a mistake, and that he was never truly alone. I think he realized in that last moment that the "life" he was living was no life at all, and that he maybe could have made different choices if Chiyo had done a better job being there for him and if he had let her. It is so staggeringly beautiful that I literally cry. When she yells at him "why is that the only way you can see the world?" and is so angry and so emotional because it feels so personal to her now, I just completely fall apart. If only he could have seen and done things differently, what kind of life could he have led? I think she mourns this in a way, and I think not a single person has ever shown him that type of empathy before now (that he was willing to listen to) and it totally destroyed him.

Sasori is the second person aside from Tsunade to have ever acknowledged Sakura's real power and capabilities--and he is a villain trying to kill her! And he's a rude, entitled, unspeakably selfish person who would rather get stabbed than not get the last word. If that's not a show of the humanity he still has even if he doesn't want to admit it, idk what is. And then he rewards her for killing him? For a dude who keeps berating her about doing pointless things their whole fight, he sure does feel okay doing something completely pointless for her in the end (not for Chiyo, btw, but for Sakura). He took her seriously in this fight, and we saw her feeling so thrilled about showing off her strength and her abilities and how she'd beaten his poison. Sakura was living in this fight, it's all over her face in the panels, and Sasori was living right alongside her as she visibly impressed him each time he thought he'd gotten her and she got right back up and kept going. They were held up as equals in this fight, not necessarily based on shinobi skill alone, but as people with goals and feelings and a violent desire to be seen in the eyes of another they consider truly worthy. I mean, how is this not art and also super fucking hot?

SasoSaku is the first real ship I ever shipped. It was my shipping awakening. I will never forget when that fight first happened in the manga, waiting each week to see what would happen next, and realizing holy shit, this is what the foundation of a real enemies to lovers romance is supposed to be? Go re-read the manga chapters and pay attention to those points I made. I hope it completely blows you away like it did to me!

[cinnamonest]

Since people actually liked it here's the continuation of the modern Xiao camgirl!darling post I cut from the original, as promised, most if it's under a cut. Here’s the original post. I didn’t think people would actually like the camgirl concept so I thought I was rambling too much and cut this part out lol but here it is now!

Tws: derogatory language/female slurs, mentions of reader being a cheater, reader is promiscuous, murder, incel-y mentality (our modern boy would be a 4chan user, look me in the eye and tell me I'm wrong) and mentions of upsetting realistic things, this one's darker than the first part. If you're bothered by other modern stuff for being too realistic best avoid this too probably, involuntary pornography ---------- Coming up on one year since you gained your most loyal subscriber, you get a rather... Unsettling request. He has something he would like this month, in fact, he adds a few hundred to the regular amount (he's been saving up just for this) and asks for just the answer to one simple question. What's your name?

Your real name, he clarifies. He doesn't need a last name, nothing like that. It would just... Make him feel closer to you. He avoids using the term "anniversary," even though that's what comes to mind. He also doesn't tell you that he already knows, that this is just a test of your honesty. For someone who's so cautious, you would think you would think to give a fake name whenever you go to coffee shops for them to yell out, or change it on the packages you get. You hesitate. And it would be easy to give him a fake one, yet, you don't really think about it too much, you kinda think about that as an afterthought, what you should have done, but your very real name is typed out and sent before you really process it, and you feel a sort of unease, but it's already sent. No big deal. He can't do much with just your first name, right? If your name is common, you feel pretty safe, but even if it's a rarer one, surely there are other people with it, right? He's happy though. Kinda surprised, really, that you didn't lie to him. Maybe you trust him?

You're not stupid, you know something is wrong, you're becoming paranoid. And you connect the weird feeling to him, bc he goes radio silence for several days leading up to finally taking you. This dude who used to respond to any messages you sent within 10 seconds suddenly... It's like he disappeared? He hasn't responded to anything you send him ever since you said your name. You send him messages saying you haven't heard from him in a while and you're worried... The way you word it makes it sound like you're worried about him, but you both know that's not what you really mean. You're hesitant and suspicious of every guy you meet. You buy pepper spray and start carrying some around, you nearly spray a poor guy who you thought was trailing you, turns out he just lives in your building. He makes note of it. He watched you buy it, and is quick to realize you always hold it in the same hand. That must be your dominant hand, that's an important mental note for the future, since you're more likely to try to attack him with that hand. He'll remember. He has a note in his phone with information like that. Height, weight, birthday, social security number, parents' names, school she graduated from. All in little bullet points. He adds dominant hand to the list. He's not worried at all really. Already watched you struggle to carry packages he could lift with one hand, your strength doesn't cross his mind as a threat. At first he just doesn't know what to say, and that's why he stops responding, he feels too awkward but... He starts to enjoy the weird feeling of power the whole situation is giving him. You're worried, you're constantly paranoid, and it's because of him. Now you finally understand the same feeling you inflict on him, how you consume his thoughts every waking moment of every day. It used to irritate him that you held so much power over him, while he meant nothing to you. Now, the tables have turned. You're forced to have him constantly in your mind, whether you like it or not, just like you are in his. It's giving you what you deserve. It gives him a feeling of significance. He matters, even if it's not in a good way. And he keeps telling himself that once he's all you have, he'll matter even more. He's smart enough to realize that if you're paranoid, you might have mentioned him by username to someone else, so to ensure he knows what to do from this point, he has to sneak into your apartment at night as you sleep. It's so unbearably tempting, you have no idea -- you're right there and so vulnerable. He has to hold himself back because he knows that if he so much as touched you, he couldn't hold back. But it's torture, standing there so close, watching your chest rise and fall as he fiddles with the phone. Even when he unlocks it with your thumb, he tries to hold the phone from an angle to do so, even if the skin of his hand grazes yours, it would be too much. You have a lot of contacts across your messages and a bunch of different apps. You have one guy in your online chat you've exchanged far more messages with than anyone else! Hundreds upon hundreds of messages, and huge paypal cash drops, who the hell is -- oh, wait, that's him. Nevermind. But, to his pleasant surprise, he's the only one of your... customers that you regularly talk to, the rest just have a few paypal notifications or clarifications on your policies, but no actual conversations like you have with him. Of course, that's literally part of your deal, he's literally paying for it, but it makes him happy nonetheless. But as he goes through your personal messages, he finds that you are... in no shortage of options. Like, holy shit. It was kind of expected. You *are* really pretty, that's how you have so many followers after all, but this is a lot. So many contacts named some variation of "DO NOT ANSWER!!!" or "creepy guy that forced me to give him my number at the club", etc etc. Plenty of unsaved numbers texting you to never get a response. You've ghosted enough dudes to make your place haunted. It's... kinda awful, really. It also kinda hurts his heart a bit more than he expected. You have so, so, so many options, even without the cam thing, he's more insignificant than he even realized. ...Well, for now, at least. He'll be significant to you soon enough. And then you seem to have a sort of "boyfriend of the month" deal going on, aside from that. Plenty of male-name contacts whose last exchange is a "don't talk to me again!" message from you, plenty of messages corresponding to the same time as those to your girl friends about how you can't find a good guy and every relationship ends badly. How unfortunate. See, it's because you choose bad guys. You probably go for dicks and not.... well, he can't exactly pull the "nice guys like me" mentality, he doesn't delude himself into thinking he is one. He's lucid enough to realize that most nice guys would not be sneaking into your house and standing over your sleeping body to stalk your phone as they make plans to kidnap you. He knows he would probably fall under the classification of a creepy guy. He's just too far gone to care. Still, he would be so much better to you, he tells himself, not a cheater or a player like you complain about. To say he resents those kinds of guys -- ones that can do the unthinkable and actually talk to girls, let alone successfully, only to be assholes, and yet girls like you still go for them -- is an understatement. You're basically just a slut, you probably ignore all the guys that would be nice to you, just like all those internet forums he reads talk about. Typical.

Well, those forums also make fun of guys like him who pay for girls like you, but he can't blame them. It *is* kinda pathetic. There is one dude you talk to, though, now. Current boyfriend of the month, from the looks of it. You have a little heart emoji next to the name. He knows it's kinda pathetic that something so simple and insignificant sets him off, but it does, makes him pout and grind his teeth and curl his other hand into a fist. It's so unfair. Some dude you barely know gets to fuck you, and you haven't even known him nearly as long as you've known him! He doubts this dude -- hell, any of your boyfriends -- has put in the same amount of money that he has into you. They fuck you practically for free. And that, unfortunately for you, only solidifies his decision. If you're fucking some dude for a month because they buy you dinner every now and then, if we're going by that scale, then you owe him quite a good deal of pussy. Any hesitancy or guilt he had about the whole thing is gone. And he's a little mad. Keeps grumbling to himself that you're just a loose whore, fucking so many people and putting yourself out there on the internet. He wonders if they even know about what you do. Probably not, you probably don't tell them. Yeah, that sounds like what you'd do. Really, you're kinda lucky that someone like him is so willing to commit to you, since you are a slut. You don't deserve it, but he loves you anyway. And you'll probably have the nerve to be ungrateful for it too. Sigh. On the bright side, by some miracle, it would appear that you have not told any real-life people about him, you haven't sent out any hey if I disappear you should probably look into this creep type of messages. But he can't afford to have you doing so in between now and when you move in with him, so, he decides he has to act within the next 24 hours. While he's here, though, he decides to do a quick sweep of your place. Makes note of what snacks and drinks you like, what brand of toothpaste and shampoo and the like you use, so he can buy some for you. Maybe you'll adjust better if you have some of your favorite things. And then, after days of silence, he sends you a message, says it's fine, his internet went out for a few days. He means it to reassure you, but somehow it makes you feel more uneasy. He has everything planned out, or so he thinks. But you deviate from your usual schedule. When you leave work or class, you don't go home, you go somewhere else, first. How strange. Maybe picking up groceries? He follows from a distance. No, looks like you're going out to eat...? Maybe you're meeting friends or family or -- no that's a guy. Fuck. You must have planned this just earlier today, since there were no messages on your phone. It makes a bitter feeling rise in his gut. He hates that he can't get close enough to listen to your conversation. Well, he hates the whole thing, sits there and seethes the whole time. Watches you through the windows in the parking lot, thankfully you chose to sit outside. Feels his eye twitch and his hand clench every time you smile and laugh. It takes way too long. The fact that you split the bill feels like a punch to the stomach too. Shouldn't you be used to taking guys' money? Oh, and what's this...? This guy isn't the picture on boyfriend-of-the-month's contact. Well, well, well. You really are a whore. See, it's a very good thing he's taking you off the market. You're probably a reckless heartbreaker too. He's doing all the other men of the world a favor by taking on such a burden as you. And it makes him feel far more justified in keeping you locked away, since he has every reason to believe, now, that you'd run off and fuck someone else if given the chance. Halfway through, the guy briefly gets up and runs to the bathroom or something. While he's gone, he sees your face fall a bit. And then he sees you look around. You turn your head from one side to the other. Your eyes scan the area. You shuffle uncomfortably and you bite your lip and your eyebrows furrow. You're scared. You feel like -- no, you know you're being watched and it scares you. That makes him a little happy, for some reason. He wouldn't be sure what to do if you went home with the guy, but thankfully you don't. No big deal, this was just a bump in the road, he still beats you back to your building and he still goes through with the original plan. Even better, now that it's even darker outside. If anything, now he's got extra aggression and testosterone in his blood, running over the events in his head and going through some... very forceful and violent fantasies. The message he sent had you uneasy, and it's also how you immediately know what's going on when it does finally happen. You keep telling yourself you're being unnecessarily paranoid, that it's nothing, maybe that guy actually got his life together or got a girlfriend or something. Things like... What you fear, don't happen in real life, that's stuff that only happens in movies and stuff. You keep calling it that or it in your head. That won't happen to you. It's not going to happen. The series of events that play out in your head, scenarios you try to push out of your mind. Sure, in the movies it always takes place in the stairwell, but that's fiction, so you go up the apartment stairwell as always. You're not gonna let a bunch of B-grade old films scare you. And it's always some dude standing and waiting, but that nice young boy that you've never seen before is just leaning against the wall, scrolling on his phone, he only glances up for a second as you pass by, he's not a threat, you're being paranoid. You flash a smile and a little wave as you walk by, he doesn't return either, just looks back down at his phone. See? This guy doesn't even care, you're being paranoid for nothing, you tell yourself. But as you make the turn to go up the next set of stairs you hear the click of a phone being put on the lockscreen, a few metallic footsteps ringing out in the open hall and echoing, coming up right behind you, but for that split second you expect a tap on the shoulder, maybe he has a question, it's not like movies, it's not like movies, you're not gonna get a cloth shoved over your face and--- Well, it's not exactly like the movies. You were prepared, but it all happens in one motion - one hand grabs the hand with the spray and twists it, making you drop it, the other wraps some material over your mouth. You were prepared enough that you don't gasp in surprise, you hold your breath and thrash, but it doesn't make any difference, you wiggle and writhe for a few moments but can't even begin to break free, eventually succumb to the lack of oxygen and take a deep breath. It takes a few seconds to settle in, it's not so immediate. You instinctively panic and thrash again, but he has a complete iron grip. The dizziness takes a second to set in. He huffs a bit in frustration and says stop moving, it's fine. It's definitely not, but it occurs to you that that's not something a kidnapper looking for any potential vulnerable girl says. It's a poor attempt at comfort. It's someone specifically looking for you. And if that wasn't enough, he says your name. Your very real name. Maybe it was a mistake to tell him after all. But the worst part of it all is that there's not a single doubt in your mind, even in your panic you have the realization, it's definitely him and this is literally exactly what you were afraid of. And it's the last thing that goes through your head. And once he's got you out cold he just takes a sigh of relief. He may have been very neutral faced to you, but in reality he was incredibly nervous. He hasn't exactly made or used chloroform before, our boy is operating on YouTube tutorials here. He's got adrenaline pumping through his veins and carries you with his arms trembling. He's on autopilot carrying you out, but his mind is also consumed by holy fuck I'm touching her she smells so nice she's so warm her face is so close I'm actually touching her-- you get the idea. He feels bad about taping your hands and feet together and putting you in the trunk of his car, kinda. It feels too much like what a really bad person would do to a girl they didn't care about, like he's a trafficker or a murderer or a criminal or something, but that's not true at all. Sure, he's still mad at you for being a whore and all that, but it feels improper, he just has no choice. It's late at night, but he can't risk getting pulled or being at a stoplight and someone seeing an unconscious girl in his backseat, so, trunk it is. But once he's home, to his tiny little downtown apartment (he'll probably be able to move into a better place soon, since he's not paying you tons of money anymore), he takes a quick check to make sure the coast is clear, and drags you out, up the stairs, all the way into his apartment, sets you down on the bed, where you'll be staying. He even washed the sheets and cleaned the place up a bit for your arrival. You probably would not like to see what this place looked like before the five trash bags worth of cleaning was done. He'll probably be more motivated in the future, though, since now he won't be so depressed all the time. And then the adrenaline of the fear of being seen is over, and that's when it sets in that this is real. It's very, very hard to hold back. You're real, in the flesh, he can reach out and touch you with his hands! It feels like a dream. And he realizes he can take this opportunity to do things he would be far, far too embarrassed to do when you're awake. He takes a few minutes to do just that, cautiously reaches out to poke your face, and then run a hand down your neck, your skin is so soft! Your hair smells so nice, he lays down beside you and runs his fingers over it. Puts hands on your body and just lays there in awe of the fact that you're real. He's pretty certain he's never actually touched a human female before now. Everything about you feels soft. Weirdly feminine, which is something very foreign and confusing to him. And he kinda uh... Loses it. Goes buckwild with just taking in every aspect of you. Again, since you're unconscious he can be gross and entirely shameless about it. Peels your clothes off and runs his hands and mouth over every inch of flesh, takes the tape off your lips and presses his tongue into your limp mouth until he's forced to let go to breathe, fingers you and tonguefucks you and sucks on your nipples and your neck. Lays pressed against you and just breathes in your scent. It takes every ounce of self control he has not to fuck you already. But he does jerk off a few times. That way he'll last longer, so it's a win-win. And then... you twitch. Tape goes back over your mouth. And then, you twitch again. And this time, you make a little "mm!" under the tape, you start trembling and he sees you try to pull your hands apart. You whimper. It sounds scared and distressed. He feels kinda bad, but it also makes him hard, and that outweighs any guilt by far. Besides, it's what you deserve after what you did earlier. You tortured him mentally, it's only fair. On the good side of things, you suppose, you don't have to worry about the usual fears one would have over such a situation - you're fairly certain he's not going to kill you, nor sell you. In fact, the bed you wake up on is pretty soft. You're naked and the tape is uncomfortable, but... At least he was considerate enough to give you a blanket. He does care about you, after all. First thing he says is asking if you're awake. Can you hear me? You hesitate a moment, and then you nod. He's a bit new to this whole abduction thing. He wants to make sure he didn't pull a muscle or something with the tape. So... Do you hurt anywhere? Does your head hurt? Oh, right, the tape. He's not stupid either. You have to promise you're not going to scream. In fact, he's angry enough about earlier that he gets a bit meaner than he originally told himself he'd be. If you scream, I'll make you regret it. Understand? You nod, so he takes it off, holding it close in preparation in case you were lying, but you don't actually answer him, you're silent again for a minute, then just ask a question of your own. You're that guy, right? He's silent for a few seconds, there's no need for any clarification. Finally just says yeah. You just breathe again. Silently. Finally you summon the courage to ask him what he wants with you. And why are you doing this to me? And his answer is fairly simple. What do you think? You don't say anything for a minute, and neither does he. He's not good with words, and you don't really have ones for this situation. It occurs to you that offering to pay him to let you go is probably not the solution. After all, this is the guy that's dumped unimaginable amounts of money onto you, you couldn't even come close to paying him back. You figure maybe, after he gets what he wants... well, you get the courage to ask.  Is there anything... that I can do o-or... anything that will make you... are you gonna let me go, after you....? And the answer is, again, simple, but the one you did not want to hear. No. He's a blunt boy, so he doesn't beat around the bush, but he doesn't torment you by keeping anything from you. In fact, he's already rehearsed this speech a few hundred times in his head. He just wanted to make sure he's very clear so there's no misunderstanding, and while he likes some discomfort in a vengeful sort of way, he doesn't want you to be too freaked out to where you have a panic attack. He says he's just going to... keep you here. He has the things you'll need. He got your purse with your keys, so he'll even run to your apartment after this to go get some of your stuff. You don't need to tell him which number, he adds, he already knows which apartment you're in. He needs you here, he says. And he makes sure to add that it's your fault. If you were never out there selling yourself in the first place, this never would have happened. If you're good, he can make things a bit better for you. But you need to go ahead and accept that you're going to be staying and that no amount of begging or offers is going to convince him to let you go. He can be nice to you, he promises. A better boyfriend than the others. You just have to be a good girlfriend -- you know, obedient and sweet and do what he says. Just like you always were when you talked to him. Just keep being sweet like that and doing the things he tells you to do. You would argue that the terms boyfriend and girlfriend are not appropriate descriptors of the sort of relationship he's creating, but you keep that thought to yourself. Instead, you ask, How long are you going to keep me here? Which is a dumb question, since he's pretty sure he already made that clear. Forever. -----

There's a double homicide in the area. Takes place on the same night, and the same diameter of knife is used, so police believe maybe the two incidents are connected. Especially because they do have something in common, one girl. She was romantically involved with both of them. The girl in question's apartment has been vacated, very suddenly, and the girl has disappeared without a trace, taking things with her from the looks of it, so police believe she may be responsible, but other than that, they have no leads. A few weeks later, a video circulates all over the internet. Some famous camgirl finally started making porn, apparently. Just one video, but the description (which was totally written by her, it has to be since it's written in first person right?) says something about how she decided to quit camming, so this video marks the end of her career. She got into a relationship, so she says in the description, so she has to quit. It's roleplay porn, apparently, she's doing a good job at the acting. All tied up and gagged and getting fucked by some big-dicked guy holding the camera. He's silent, but she's making a ton of noise, cums several times. Really good acting, the fear and desperation in her eyes looks so real. Talk about going out with a bang. It gets a lot of likes. Tons of comments about how sad people are she's quitting. And of course, a lot of comments say, what a lucky guy.

[nojey]

reminiscing (fans 2)

dreamwastaken x streamer!reader

genre: angst pronouns: they / them word count: 2.1k warning(s): failed relationship, cursing

fans (part 1)

synopsis: after taking 6 months off from social media, you finally explain to your fans why you took so long and why you needed it.

go live. *click*

you watched as your chat strolled in and viewer count go up. your computer screen illuminating your face in the dark room as your webcam caught the nervous look. you were shaking your leg up and down, a habit you caught whenever you tried to calm yourself down. 

“hi everyone, it’s been a while since my last stream, huh?” you dryly chuckled. “it’s been about.. 6 months since i last streamed and at this point i think i’ve taken enough time to correctly word how i’m going to tell everyone why i decided to take a break from streaming.” you said looking down at the ground and fiddling with your fingers.

“uh, donation notifications will be off for this stream and chat will be on emotes only because i really just want to focus on getting this out. but if you plan on donating, thank you so much, really, it means the world to me.” you said finally looking at your webcam and smiling a bit. you read a chat and answer, “yes, i’m doing okay. i just have a big announcement i want to say after i tell you guys why i took a break.”

you took a deep breath in and started. “ over a year ago, almost 2, i met this guy through a friend and we started talking. it was very little at the beginning but as little as it was, his texts always made me smile.” you scratched the back of your neck. “and as time went on, we started talking more and more and he just became part of my daily routine. when i woke up i’d see a good morning text from him, we’d spend most of our day being on the phone with each other, i was even on facetime with him most of my streams but i had an airpod under my headset so you couldn’t really see it, i almost always fell asleep on facetime with him. i really fell for this guy.” you fondly smiled, looking at your desk, where your phone used to be propped up and you would see clays face just looking at you.

“then we started streaming together. ‘omg he’s a streamer too’ yeah, and a lot of you probably know who i’m talking about at this point but i still won’t disclose who it is. i uh, got a lot of messages from you guys telling me that i looked super happy that stream and i was. i was always happy when i talked to him. but along with those messages i also got a lot of hate, telling me to stay away from him. it didn’t really bother me because i always get hate when i stream with my guy friends; i was used to it.” you said, taking a sip from your water then wiping the side of your eye as it teared up. 

“and today... i’ll be going on the dream smp! with the man himself, dream. dream, say hi now.” you introduced, you waited a few seconds but was only met with silence. you grabbed your phone and sent him a voice message, “clay! you’re on deafen! introduce yourself!” you screamed into your phone. dream then took himself off deafen and said. “hi (y/s/n)’s chat! i’m dream, i’ll be showing (y/n) around the smp today and we’re gonna get started on their house.” you smiled fondly when you heard him speak. “yeah! what dream said!” 

so you both logged into the dream smp, said hi to sapnap, and dream gave you a tour. you then started building your house in a forest, quite far from everyone else, “i don’t want anyone bothering you or ruining your house when you’re not on.” he explained. you told dream you wanted to build a cottage so if anyone does end up stumbling upon it, it looks welcoming to them. so dream started building your house for you even though you insisted you do it together. “dream! let me help, this is supposed to be my house.” you dragged. “well we can both decorate inside and make it our house.” you started blushing. “i guess..” you mumbled. you then started adventuring out to look for flowers and some things to decorate the house with.

you started placing flowers down into flower pots when you noticed something. “dream there’s only one bedroom.” you mentioned. he slowly turned around to look at you and quickly turned back and placed two beds next to each other. “this is our room, dumbass.”

later that night you checked your twitter dms and saw many people telling you to stop talking to dream and that you weren’t good enough to even know him. you sighed and powered down your phone.

“i think a few weeks after that he asked me if i could fly out to him and we’d meet in person. i was so excited i immediately started packing and i met him. it was amazing! i got to meet the guy i’ve been in love with for the past few months. i think it may have been a year already. but yeah, i finally got to meet him and being in his arms was the best feeling in the world, i felt so safe being with him.”

“it was the day after that, when he asked me on a date and i, of course, said yes. like who would say no to the person they fell in love with... so we went on a date and at the end of it we were just sitting on top of the hood of the car, eating dinner, watching the sunset and talking about a future we wanted together. and it may seem like we were moving fast but i knew 7 months into talking to him that he felt the same way about me. no matter if either of us disclosed it. i could tell and i knew he knew the same about me. then i went home and everything was perfect, i wasn’t his girlfriend yet though because we wanted to wait a bit.”

“that’s when everything went downhill, i think” you looked up to try to stop the tears from going down your face, but they fell anyways so you just let it be.

“we started streaming more and more and i started getting more hate than i usually got, this time getting death threats, people threatening to leak my address if i didn’t stop being friends with him. it was crazy but i was willing to endure it all for him. who cares what people on the internet are going to say to me? i really didn’t because i was happy enough with him that, that happiness overcame whatever type of hate i was getting.” tears kept falling from your eyes but you didn’t bother to wipe it, knowing it would just keep happening.

“dude you’re so annoying! you definitely cheated!” you screamed as you died. through your headset you could hear clay wheezing. “there was no way i was cheating!” he said through his laughs. “ask my chat, they saw the whole thing.” you breathed out, not wanting to believe him till a dono was sent to you, “yeah, (y/n) you just suck at this game,” you gasped, your jaw hanging then you started pouting. it was clipped and one of your viewers sent it to dream. he suddenly started laughing harder and you asked him why he was laughing, with a pout still on your face. “even your chat knows i didn’t cheat!” you started laughing too, till you read a message in the chat saying, “ew, their laugh is ugly. i don’t know why dream likes them.” you stopped laughing but kept a fake smile on your face.

“then he called me and he told me that he didn’t think we should be dating anymore, or even be friends. and i think it was because he saw the hate i was getting and he didn’t like that. he told me a different reason as to why he didn’t think we should date anymore but i didn’t believe it, but i let him go. because i was not going to force him to be with me if he really did mean it. “ you said, sniffling after so you didn’t sound too congested as you spoke.

after you hung up, you curled into a ball and cried. you cried, and cried, and cried. the feeling in your chest hurting more than you could ever imagine. you just lost the guy you wanted to marry, the guy you had spent over a year going to because of your problems, the guys you saw having kids with, the guy that made everything worth it. he was the only person on your mind as the pain in your chest grew. you tweeted and powered your phone off straight after. you didn’t want anyone messaging you asking what was wrong, knowing your friends they would do that. 

“so the reason i took a break from streaming was because of that. because i resented the people that sent me hate so much i couldn’t bring myself to stream. i didn’t resent them because they sent me hate. i resent them because the hate they sent me caused the guy i really wanted to be with to make me believe he didn’t love me like i love him.” now, you were sobbing, letting your cry’s out because you had been holding them in for too long. 

it had been a few months and you were on snapchat, seeing that you had a memory a year ago today, you checked it. “i think i literally met my soulmate.” with a picture of you and clay in a discord call. your breath got caught in your throat and your breathing became labored. your eyes started stinging as the tears started falling. it’s happening again, all the pain from the day you stopped talking to him came back and once again, you were crying into your hands and you couldn’t stop.

“i had always known that becoming a streamer i would get hate, but i never thought that i would get enough hate to prevent a relationship i really wanted to work. now all i do is reminisce of a guy i wish could be mine”

“streaming has brought me so many opportunities and i am so grateful for everything you guys have done for me, and for me to be able to do something i love and make money from it is insane to me. you guys have given me everything i ever wanted in life up until that point and i am so grateful and appreciative of that. you guys gave me friendships that i will never lose and never forget. so many of you have told me that i’ve saved you and changed your lives but trust me when i say you guys have saved me and changed my life too. i hope i repaid you back by making you smile, being your comfort streamer, and being a support system for each of you. but i think this is my end of the road. i fucking love streaming, i love you guys. but every time i click that “go live” button or even try to, all i think about is him and that’s too painful for me right now. maybe in the future i’ll find my way back here but i can’t promise that.”

“thank you guys, so, so, so, so, much for every single opportunity given to me, for everything. i love you all. my dms are still open. and this was (y/s/n), signing off for possibly the last time. goodbye everyone.”

end stream. *click*

a tear rolling down his face and falling onto his keyboard as he watched you finally say goodbye to your stream. it all just felt like you were saying your last goodbye to him again. 

for the last 6 months all clay could do was think about you and how he wished he just messaged you and told you he was sorry and didn’t mean what he said. that he misses you and he would quit streaming if that meant he could be with you. that all he wanted was to feel you in his arms again and just live out the future you two planned together. 

but if you just said goodbye to your chat for your last stream because you couldn’t stand the thought of him whenever you tried to stream. how could you ever forgive him?

the thought of never speaking to you hit him once more and again, he cried, sobbed, screamed, threw things, and even then, he knew.. you would never be coming back to him, with every fiber in his being, wishing you would.

—————

taglist: @loxbbg @bozowrites @noahsfag @sparklykeylime @bi-narystars @axths @cheybaee @letsloveimagines @meatte @julesamen21 @classyunknownlover @bad268 @strawbrinkofdeath

[a-yarn-of-purple-prose]

I do like familial Diluc & Kaeya but I have many issues with the fanon around it. This isn't the moment to get into all of it but one of the points that grind me is exactly what you talk about.

Like, if Kaeya can return to being family with someone who is so completely his opposite (from appearance to demeanour to background) then it conveys his place and security in himself. In contrast you have Diluc, where the Point™ is that he lost his whole family in a day.

Diluc lost his whole world in a day. World. His father died, Kaeya was suddenly a liar and the Knights weren't on the side of justice. Everything he had ever considered normal was gone. This is not family issues you can solve with a good talk, this is heavy trauma. You know it, "loss of trust, security and hope for the future."

He left his Vision when he left Mondstadt, threw away his dreams in search of something else (truth, maybe revenge), then came back and never acted like nothing happened. Dude's the walking wounded.

Kaeya is not special because they're secretly in love - he's important because he's Diluc's last chance at a family, if only he were willing to make the first step.

Canon has it that Diluc is reaching out and Kaeya is pulling back. That whole "if you don't stay for dinner you'll upset Adelinde" dance they have is Diluc reaching out and Kaeya trying to avoid thinking about that hurt of his. So, yeah, Kaeya longs for belonging and family (I mean, he took on caring for Klee by his own will) but he also isn't willing to work on what broke his relationship with Diluc.

I understand people want them to reconcile in some dramatic way but if you think about their relationship without rosy "family first" views it's clear that:

They've already reconciled as much as they ever will.

They're not getting any closer because Kaeya isn't very keen on that idea. He's nostalgic for what they had, but not eager to go back there. He probably feels better as the person he is now.

From what we know of canon they had a very painful dynamic as sworn brothers (being someone's shadow/having someone to do what you won't is not a healthy relationship) and becoming different people while away from each other hasn't really helped things.

Diluc reads as willing to let Kaeya approach him. He never banned him from the house or the bar, lets him do his little tricks and games, invites him to stay. Indulges him. He might not have patience for it sometimes and this does mean he shows his temper around Kaeya, but it's not rejection.

It's also not what people expect of reconciliation so they think he's still angry at Kaeya and that there's still a story waiting to happen there.

I just disagree.

That said, people can write whatever they want and I'll possibly read it. As long as you don't slander my babygirl I'll read all your Diluc & Kaeya or Diluc/Kaeya fics! I just love them <3

*deep breath* Okay, that's out of the system.

Out of topic note: you don't have to worry about writing shipnames inside the post text. Tumblr only pulls tags from original posts (reblogging with text counts, tagging a reblog doesn't. This is why we whisper in tags) and even then it's just the first 20 words in the tags. And even then it'll only show up in the tags if your blog is set to be google searchable.

Okay here's my controversial Kae/luc opinion (censored so this post doesn't clog up the actual tag).

Like, I do not care what people ship. Sometimes I find ships gross and I will instantly block with a "blurgh ew" but I'm not the type to write out long posts about which pairings are/aren't acceptable, and I don't message people to complain about which fictional characters they wanna see kiss. This stands for Kae/luc also.

But I find it near inconceivable that the argument for Ragbros doesn't centre more on the fact that, at least in my opinion, Diluc and Kaeya have a way more interesting relationship if you take it from a familial perspective.

Ofc yes whoo gay men - but in fandom specifically, there is genuinely the situation where platonic relationships are under-explored, especially outside of parent-child dynamics. Diluc abd Kaeya, meanwhile, foster this instinct in Ragbros folks to write 100k fics about them reconciling, or draw dozens of pages of comics of what their childhood was like.

And I think taking a romantic lens to all that is genuinely pretty diminutive to what's already there. Kaeya's trauma is specifically about his family & abandonment & finding belonging, and his bond with Diluc symbolises where he's at on that journey. Like, if Kaeya can return to being family with someone who is so completely his opposite (from appearance to demeanour to background) then it conveys his place and security in himself. In contrast you have Diluc, where the Point™ is that he lost his whole family in a day. Kaeya is not special because they're secretly in love - he's important because he's Diluc's last chance at a family, if only he were willing to make the first step.

And then you have all the layers of siblings in Mondstadt, which they also fit into. Like Jean & Barbara and Albedo & Klee - you have biological sisters torn apart through family conflict (divorce) and adoptive siblings kept together in the absence of their parents. There's so much there and so much of it is left behind when you take a romantic perspective on Diluc & Kaeya.

[abeautifulblog]

gremble watches a hexer: episode 3

So this is the episode in which Geralt meets Renfri, and the vibes are very different from TWN.

It really changes their dynamic to have him be brand new on the Path, and for Renfri to be, in essence, his first extended interaction with a human. He's still trying to figure out what humans are like, he clearly wants to be able to put people in neat boxes -- but there's Renfri complicating the narrative by being undeniably a victim, but also eager and willing to immediately turn around and become a villain in her own right.

It also changes their dynamic that none of Geralt's decisions re: Renfri are motivated by wanting to fuck her. (I'm pretty sure he doesn't, anyway.) Like, she makes that play, when she's looking for a hook that’ll give her a way to control Geralt -- same way we saw her make that play with the thugs planning to kill her in her introductory scene -- but there’s no sense that it’s motivated by desire, just cold calculation.

(And when Geralt's like “uhm, no,” she taunts him and asks if he's incapable of it. She's not a nice person.)

There's no guarantee that they won't fuck later, because compulsory heterosexuality, but she is definitely not being set up like a love interest.

She's quite unlikable in this, and I get the impression that she's supposed to be—that you can pity her, to be sure, because she has indeed been wronged, but she's not a sweet and blameless “ideal victim.”

idk, it's just interesting.

*

FROM THE TOP!

*

Not a fan of threats of sexual violence being used as a plot device, but good on this girl for straight-up stabbing the dude!

(I assume the girl Geralt rescued is Renfri, since the dudes claimed she was a mutant before he killed them.)

*

Hm, and here is Vesemir telling Geralt he shouldn't have stepped in to kill the would-be rapists: “And if there were witnesses to this, what would they think of a crazed witcher cutting down half a dozen people?”

Foreshadowing for Blaviken, much?

Vesemir is ~banished~ from Kaer Morhen, wot? How does that even work? Seems like if you did something bad enough to get “banished” it would be bad enough that they wouldn't trust you on the Path anymore.

*

lol these subtitles are calling the path “the route,” which doesn't quite have the same ring to it.

*

Not really a fan of Renfri's actress or characterization in this one, she comes off like a spoiled child.

...A very mercurial and manipulative child.

*

Hah, I like that Roach has been trained to ignore commands from non-Geralt people. That vibes with my headcanon for why he likes Difficult horses.

*

...lolol okay I did enjoy the bandit jumping out to try to scare them, and then Renfri just bitchslaps him.

Renfri: TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER.

Bandit: I--

Renfri: SILENCE, YOU FUCKING SWINE, I TOLD YOU TO TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER.

Bandit: ...yes ma’am. 😞

*

100% A+ that Geralt carries his saddlebags with him when he goes into town! Yes! As he would! Same as you don't leave your purse sitting your unlocked car!

*

PFFT.

Hooray for Geralt saving a dryad from a basilisk or whatever, after she'd been shot with an arrow!

Oh no the arrow was poisoned!

It's okay, Geralt will suck the poison from the wound!

...It is awkward that she got shot in the tit though.

*facepalm*

It doesn't feel that sleazy, because Geralt doesn't feel sleazy—he's quite utilitarian about the whole business—but that is still a Choice someone made.

*

Oh no, Geralt is about to look “”hideous”” from taking his potions!!

Will it be less of a cop-out than TWN???

Answer: not in the slightest, he just looks like he’s on MDMA.

*

I do wish they would stop trying to force love interests on Geralt every episode, especially since they are developed so staggeringly shallowly, and we all know they're not sticking around anyway.

Also this actress looks VERY, VERY YOUNG, like, that is a child young, like, that could be a boy-child young, because they look the same pre-pubescent.

*

lolol Queen of the Dryads looks like Scully in camo facepaint. Welp, no one better for the job!

*

“I am a witcher, a mutated human. We are not allowed to love; maybe we cannot.”

THIS IS THE KIND OF CONFLICT I'M HERE FOR, BABY. 😎

*

lol I do like the “mama with a shotgun” vibe for the dryad queen. Like, Yes thank you for saving my girl, I appreciate it a lot, and now you are going to let her down gently, and you are going to leave. 🙃🙃🙃

*

The subtitles have definitely gotten better, and despite the excruciatingly tedious compulsory heterosexuality, this episode was a lot livelier than the previous episodes. Would recommend starting with this one, I think. You really don't need any backstory from the first two.

[sketching-shark]

Monkie kid fandom: o well macaques a morally grey character he’s got a traumatic past and Sun Wukongs so mean and evil for leaving him

Reality: Macaque is literally ment to the representative of Sun Wukongs EVIL side and having a “traumatic past” doesn’t justify literally trying to kill people who had nothing to do with it he also traumatised Mk because he can and because he’s connected to Sun Wukong. Sun Wukong choose to change his ways macaque just decided “you no what am going to kill this monk because he’s connected to somebody who left me.” I don’t understand how people try so hard to Villainise Sun Wukong when’s he’s literally ment to be one of the first ever superheroes. 

Haha oh geez that is how it often feels.

Like at this point there does seem to be something of an effort to make Sun Wukong look bad in order to absolve Macaque of a lot of wrong-doing...But as you mentioned, besides it being the case that the Six-Eared Macaque was originally made to function as a representative and/or living embodiment of Sun Wukong's anger and violent tendencies (hence why Sun Wukong's a lot less prone to sudden acts of violence after he kills the six-eared simian in JTTW), given all the murder attempts and manipulation and literal acts of kidnapping/brainwashing/mind control he's committed in the lego monkey show, personally I feel like the dude is pretty much as viciously jealous & as willing to throw people under the bus to achieve his aims as he is in Journey to the West.

Like I know that Monkie Kid diverges from JTTW in a number of ways (a big change being that Sun Wukong had beat up a lot of demons instead of smashing them into meat patties lol), but one of the things that does feel like it's being lost in translation, as it were, is that the Six Ear Macaque was a villain not just because he beat up the Tang Monk, but because he wanted to take over Sun Wukong's entire life and identity so he could have all that glory and prestige for himself. To quote the macaque himself from the Anthony C. Yu translation, "I struck the T'ang monk and I took the luggage...precisely because I want to go to the West all by myself to ask Buddha for the scriptures. When I deliver them to the Land of the East, it will be my success and no one else's. Those people of the South Jambudvipa Continent will honor me then as their patriarch and my fame will last for all posterity." And in order to do this, the Six Eared Macaque had apparently made Sun Wukong's "little ones," his monkey family, his captives through either trickery or force, and gotten a number of them to take on the appearance of Tang Sanzang and the other pilgrims. It's also made clear that in direct contrast to Sun Wukong he doesn't care about these monkeys beyond how they might serve him, given that after Sha Wujing kills the monkey posing as him the Six Eared Macaque not only all but immediately replaces him with another, but also "told his little ones to have the dead monkey skinned. Then his meat was taken to be fried and served as food along with coconut and grape wines." So this monkey is not only willing to risk the lives of a lot of other monkeys for his own benefit, but is also a literal cannibal.

In Monkie Kid (at least according to Macaque, who is an unreliable narrator at best), he had been best of friends with Sun Wukong before Sun Wukong presumably went off to live in Heaven & abandoned all of his friends on Earth. And it is true that in Journey to the West, Sun Wukong had spent over a century of earthly years in heaven just enjoying himself before he gets into trouble by ruining the Immortal Peach Banquet and heading back down to his yaoguai kingdom. So in that regard, Macaque does have justification to hate Sun Wukong for having brought heaven's army to their mountain (of course you could say that starting a war over one banquet is a bit of an overreaction but that's a conversation for another day). What this does omit, however, is that the main reason Sun Wukong went to heaven in the first place is to see if he could get all of his monkeys to live up there, that he had spent centuries fortifying Flower Fruit Mountain from any and all threats beforehand, and that he brings back a bounty of immortality-granting wine, which all the monkeys eagerly drink. And perhaps most importantly, in the following war with heaven itself all of the assembled yaoguai were behind Sun Wukong 100%. He had already done so much for them, and they had already heard about how their great king was made to serve as a stable hand in heaven, and so got some sense of how little the heavens thought of them. This isn't to say that the Six Eared Macaque doesn't have reason to be mad at Sun Wukong or that the Monkey King doesn't share a lot of the blame for the events that led to the burning of Flower Fruit Mountain, but rather to say that all the assembled yaoguai weren't dragged into this war kicking and screaming. They seem to have regarded it as much as a power struggle with great potential rewards and which they could win as much as Sun Wukong did.

But going back to this version of the Six Eared Macaque, I find him interesting because I read him not as morally grey but rather as this frightening, somewhat tragic figure who's jealously of and resentment against Sun Wukong seems to have festered and grown to the point where it's become the sole defining feature of his life; like he's just gone from wanting to literally be Sun Wukong to wanting revenge against the Monkey King, and in all his centuries of living he hasn't allowed anything else to shape his life. After 500 years of apparently not really doing anything, after Sun Wukong made a reappearance Macaque just seem to be targeting anyone and anything that he thinks will let him hurt Sun Wukong, no matter the cost to others or to himself. It's like he was put into the role of Sun Wukong's doppelganger/shadow/evil clone, and he's now hellbent on staying in that position, no matter how much it hurts him or holds him back from cultivating his own individuality or his own story because that's the only way he feels he gain back his past power and/or stay connected to the Monkey King. There is something really tragic about a character who feels so damaged by and/or is so obsessed with the past that they stay in this stagnant position where they never even attempt to try something different from their destructive and self-damaging behavior, but that's precisely what makes Macaque a good villain as well. Besides being a clever and calculating villain, he never developed a sense of morality like Sun Wukong, he still treats everyone around him like tools, and his self-righteousness gives him "permission" to be a relentless monster to MK, all of MK's loved ones, and Sun Wukong himself. I know it's pretty common in media these days to start a villain down the path of redemption & into the bosom of team good guy by having them be hurt by an even worse villain, but personally I would love to see a story arc where Macaque actually has a realization of how horrible his behavior has been and to feel genuine remorse for it (maybe brought about by the violence he's likely suffering at the hands of the Lady Bone Demon, in a kind of "hey being manipulated and hurt for the benefit of others actually sucks oh no I can't believe I thought it was okay when I did it"), but then also has to face the consequence of his former student and former best friend (actually likely the entire monkie crew given the whole kidnapping/brainwashing/mind-controlling thing) never wanting anything to do with him again & cutting him out of their lives completely. I think he could still change for the better under such a scenario, but the seriousness of his bad actions shouldn't be swept under the rug.

In conclusion, I think a "redemption without forgiveness" story line could work really well for Monkie Kid's version of the Six-Eared Macaque in a kind of "you can't just do horrible things and then cry about your past like that somehow makes it okay" way, and smh at the Monkie Kid fandom for all the work put into giving Sun Wukong and only Sun Wukong flak for his and Macaque's fight.

Like if you have to demonize the Monkey King, at least go after him for having been a warlord.

[jujutsu-headcanons]

Gojo Satoru general headcanons

Let's get one thing clear: this man is absolutely chaotic. He is always full of energy. His energy levels never reach below 50%. He is loud and proud, always running, and never takes a minute to relax.

Do not give him Monster. Shoko did that once and it took her forever to get him off the ceiling. Also, avoid caffeine. Shoko replaces his normal coffee with decaf and he still hasn't noticed the difference. Keep it that way.

He was the class clown when he was younger. He wasn't exactly a trouble maker, but he may as well be. I cannot word that sentence and I am sorry. Next.

All of his teachers assumed he never listened in class, so they always called in him when they thought he wasn't paying attention. It still shocked them every time he rattled off the correct answer.

Not only did he answer the question correctly, but he could also explain his reasoning behind the answer, and if it was multiple choice, explain why the other answers were wrong. 

This tall man child would march up to the board and absolutely fill it to the brim with work, turn around, drop the chalk-like a mic drop and walk back to his desk with the smuggest look on his face.

That doesn't mean he did the work tho

Idk how schools in japan work but we all know schools in America only care about the amount of work you do and not what you actually know so we'll use that for the sake of the headcanon: he had straight D's bc he never turned in his work

Despite not doing the work snd goofing off, teachers actually really liked him

A lot of people liked him and he was super popular, but he still felt alone

Fake friends, you know how that works, he didn't meet any real friends until he became a shaman

Clean freak. This dude actually makes his bed. He scrubs his bathroom twice a week. His desk can get cluttered but he straightens up once a week. He's not exactly a germaphobe because

He cannot respect your personal space and that's actually canon but let me take it a step further 

He's a slapper. Especially when he laughs. It doesn't hurt, it's playful dw. He hugs you from behind especially when he's cold. He picks you up and carries you around. He will grab your wrist, arm, or hand and lead you around even if you're following him. He lays his legs across you or lays across your lap. Puts his head on your shoulder. Platonic cuddling between friends is mandatory. He's just so hands-on it's ridiculous.

Unless you explicitly tell him you're uncomfortable he won't stop

Don't worry, if you aren't in that type of relationship, your no-no square is safe. Except, if you seem chill, he will slap your ass regardless of friendship status. His ass is also slappable. You can't tell me Geto and Gojo didn't run around slapping each other asses, okay

He was weird and scrawny as a child. He didn't start beefing out until he started training to be a shaman and he's still kinda smaller than most beefy boys

He can pick you up and throw you around easily. He carried around a 170 pound Yuji like a sack of potatoes and can easily carry around three times that weight

It's amazing he's so tiny because you remember 2014 Shane Dawson making all of those wack ass desserts that was just s pile of chaos wrapped in chocolate?

He can eat every last bite of one of those monstrosities without getting a stomach ache, gaining weight, or dying basically

He knows bc Yuji dared him to do it

He has really cold hands and feet

He sounds old. Let me elaborate. He's constantly cracking his joints. They also creak when he moves. He complains about body pains like he's 80 y/o

He also shares wisdom with the kids as if he's actually 80 y/o

It's irrelevant advice that doesn't make sense but is also useful. Megumi can't count the number of times he's asked Gojo for feedback on his technique but had been told to remember to chew 40 times or never go to bed angry

Starts off sentences with "now son" and "when I was your age"

He uses his blindfold as a headband when he wants his hair out of his face. He also uses headbands as... Headbands... When he wants to wear sunglasses but get his hair out of his face

He owns so many pairs of sunglasses but he always wears the same pair

He's only bought a handful of them himself, most of them are gifts

No one knows what to get him for Christmas or his birthday bc he has everything, so they resort to sunglasses

His favorite pair is a pair that Shoko and Geto bought him as a gag. He thought they were dead serious, though, so he wore them around for a month

They were heart-shaped, rose-tinted glasses

Can you believe this man doesn't use any gel or anything to keep his hair spiky with the blindfold on? It just naturally defies gravity when the blindfold is on

Tell this man he's pretty because he already knows. He's narcissistic but not the cringy kind

Photogenic as hell. Takes great pictures from any angle. 

He gives everyone a different story as to why he covers his eyes. Sometimes he says it's because his eyes are too pretty and are a distraction. Sometimes he says it's because the sunglasses/bandages/blindfold look cooler than his eyes. Sometimes he says it's to protect the six eyes from seeing things he doesn't want to see. The world may never know

He's tried covering his whole face before, but he thinks he's too pretty for that. He at least wants one of his many amazing features to be shown at all times.

So about his driver's license;

He knows how to drive. He can be a good driver. When he wants to be. He just doesn't have a driver's license.

Now he TELLS people he just never got around to getting one, however, there's a rumor he lost it due to too many parking tickets

It's amazing the only tickets he's ever gotten have been from that and once he got caught without a seatbelt; he would have gotten out of that one if he hadn't been flirting with the police officer so bad

This doesn't stop Gojo from driving places though

He steals Ijichi's car a LOT and Ijichi DOESN'T KNOW HOW like??? The windows are never broken and it doesn't look hotwired-

Gojo has a key

You're not even supposed to be able to duplicate car keys but Gojo did 

Also; none of the first-year trio knows he doesn't have a driver's license, though that much should be painfully obvious

He whips around corners, speeds up at yellow lights, goes "watch this" and does a donut, it's just a mess

The poor students have to sit in the backseat too. Just imagine Megumi with all three seatbelts around him like that one meme.

He thrives off of Nobara and Yuji screaming from the backseat, and he can see Megumi being smooshed because he thought the middle seat was the safest through the rearview mirror

Which he doesn't even need because of the six eyes

Despite being such a reckless driver, he knows when danger will happen, so he's never once gotten in a wreck

He blasts the radio, which makes up for the driving.

Has a habit of getting in a car and ending up in the McDonalds drive-thru

Steals other people's fries and keeps the fullest one for himself.

He was rebellious as a kid and teenager, but hey, at least his juvie record is sealed 

He's been detained and in the back of a cop car many times, but the reason was never really bad enough for him to be arrested. Mostly he's just being mouthy. And the time he got caught spray painting on the side of a building. And that one time he and Getou hopped the fence to get into the local pool. And that other time-

It got worse after Getou wasn't around to get him out of trouble. Suddenly, breaking the rules wasn't fun anymore and he mellowed out. 

Tried alcohol and cigarettes before he was legal. Decided neither was his thing, however, he did start drinking occasionally when he was legal.

He's a fucking chaotic drunk. Oh my god he's absolutely feral

Most bars in the vicinity know him by name and they sigh whenever he walks in

Shoko is his emergency contact. She hates it

Shoko has to drag drunk Gojo home at least twice a month and is not happy about it

Once she left him in an alley. He made it home okay so she guesses it's fine

Once he got so drunk he spilled beer on his sock. The thought the fastest way to dry them was by sticking them in the microwave. Forgot about it until someone asked, "Who the fuck is cooking socks???"

I feel it important he was in the break room of the local grocery store and no one knows how he got there

As he was escorted out he stole a grocery cart and rode away in it while singing Don't Threaten Me (With A Good Time) by Panic! At The Disco

He has no alcohol tolerance at all what so ever

He will literally just stare at you and giggle

It's funny he's really flirty but also doesn't seal the deal. Literally, every woman in that bar is willing to get in his bed but he declines every offer. No one knows why

Its because he respects women

He helps his students break the rules as long as they're within reason. Once night Yuji was really hungry and after having a temper tantrum he couldn't order Uber eats bc the school is supposed to be secret Gojo helped sneak him out to get food. Who needs curfew anyway.

The shirts in his closet range from like twenty bucks to the iconic rich bitch shirt the kids ruined in that one chapter we all know the one 

He still wears that by the way, he calls it "art" 

When he was younger, Megumi drew a picture of Gojo being eaten by his shadow dogs. Gojo found it and now it's framed in his room.

He keeps up with current trends and memes like no one's business. This is how he bonds with his kids.

Don't call him old, but also, he'll tell you to respect your elders it's a mess

He has a lot of games on his phone. You can usually find him holding his phone sideways playing some RPG game he probably spent too much money on 

He did hop on the Pokemon Go hype train but after becoming overpowered he got bored

This happens to a lot of games. He pays way too much money, gets to be the strongest in the server, and gets bored

He likes games where you can kill other people's troops and likes to watch as they lose all their power

I canon him as being borderline sadistic

This is why he's Sakata Gintoki reincarnated

White hair, sweet tooth, black leather clothes, dad vibes, never takes anything seriously bc when he does he's scary as fuck, the works.

He is Sakata Gintoki

He liked Gintama growing up. He watched a lot of iconic shows as they aired. He considers himself an og

He's hella bilingual

Because he's the strongest he goes overseas for missions a lot. Because of this he speaks a lot of languages and knows a lot about international cuisine 

He takes pictures of himself eating disgusting foods like snails. He never likes them but he loves the idea of Nobara gagging back in japan

Has paperwork sitting untouched on his desk from three months ago that he will not touch for at least another three months

Does the crossword puzzles in the newspaper every week

Uses humor as a coping mechanism and it honestly just became a personality

Constantly popping his joints. I'm sorry if you find this gross I too find it gross.

Probably brought home every stray animal he ever met ever until he was at least like 22 y/o

Tags: @wasabito @kittaliapenn