#because I dreamed of her last night
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#so just talking here for a sec bc I’m slightly emotional but don’t really wanna talk to anyone#we finally had to put my Grandma’s dog down yesterday#she was 19 and almost blind completely deaf and had essentially lost control of the back half of her body so it was time#but it’s still never easy#I was. . . very okay with it going in because it was one of those ‘long time coming’ things that you think you’ve prepared yourself for#but maybe it’s because I’m on my period or maybe it’s just that you never really can prepare yourself for these things#but I’m stupidly crying now#but not entirely in a bad way#because I dreamed of her last night#a full detailed dream of just watching her race around and play and rub herself in the grass like she loved to do on carpets#we were back on the farm we stayed at when being near Tanya#I’ve had dreams like these each time I’ve lost someone in my life#and it feels like a goodbye but the dreams are always soft#I’m never sad during them#when I wake up sure but during them it’s only ever peace#and I know it’s just my subconscious processing the loss as I sleep#but even if that is all it is#it’s a comfort I will gladly take every time#personal
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me n who ?!?!?!? ME N WHO GUYS ...
picrews: 1 2 3 4
mking silly girlfailure picrews are the only thing saving my sanity which took quite a number of blows today ( its hanging on by the measliest thread but i think its better to consider it go n e )
anyways i wanna make a silly tag game so we are going to make a silly tag game because in the wise words of martin luther king i think wait it was probably gandhi "be the change you wish to see in the world" arent i so cool guys im taking like the first step forward and :stareyes: ahahah
(no pressure) tags !! 🏷️ : @cienxpidity, @ilyuu, @anonbinaryweirdo, @suntoru, @tuesdayberries, @lume-nosity, @mrcrazyvillainvillainn, @ceneid, @amalythea, @xianyoon, @aeon-yao, @ryuryuryuyurboat, @auroratumbles, @snobwaffles, @the-white-void + everyone i probably forgot to tag (SPS IM SORRY) n anyone else whod like to join !!
#💬 ⌗ 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭'𝐬 𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 . . . ✧#i was in a very silly mood ( mental breakdown ish ) i cried like 16 times in the past hour and that's probably not a good thing but HEY#its fine#im so fine#im so#im so...#*perishes*#begone negativity#its time for me and my delusions#speaking of delusions i actually had the WILDEST Dream last night#and its so crazy because its like the first dream I've had in the past year that's not about a fictional character#yes im pathtetic#carrying on#and i was like escaping from t h e. m a. n i n t he. h a l l w a y#and i was like runnning away yk and then shrek comes over and helps me out by defenestrating me and so i land in some bushes and then start#like putting candy into a bag??? and im like HURRY UP SHREK HES GONNA COME AFTER US#and then i got to this like cult area#where it splits into two paths and i remember it so vividly because there was this gate security and i had to type in my student id to get#and so it opens up to this room and there's two pathways#the one to the right has this giant ass shrine golden statue surrounded by a bunch of children#and the one i go to has little cube spaces caved into the walls for like little decorations and a stair for like a lower other half of the#room#and theres a bunch of children and my irls#and so we break outta there yk#we escape#we get out#and we run into like osme shopping place#and my friend is planning to abandon me with her other friend and they're running away to china#but they refuse to take me with them (ultimate betrayal)#HELP edit but the tags didnt show up cause there were too many...
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skye how ya doin, you having second thoughts? /t
Oh that's embarrassing.
I like to call that maneuver, "Getting wine drunk on a work night and losing all ability to use the silly little apps on your phone."
#spazzcat barks#un-common-dreams#in my defense!!! i went to a winery with all the work people#and then i came home and my roommate was watching a horse show with her mom#and they invited me to join#and her mom bought my favorite wine because she was excited to see me#so... wine drinking.... was........ necessary#one might even call it a desirable social trait last night#im very disoriented this morning#work is gonna suck today <- shaky and hungover
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All it takes is a wee little nightmare to make you too scared to step foot outside for fear of Bad Things happening, like it’s an omen lol
#also it is p o u r i n g outside and it takes me an hour and fifteen minutes to commute to campus#i'm a good little student but sometimes i just can't be assed#esp with all the crazy stuff that's been happening on public transit and on my campus for that matter#i'm just getting a bad vibe today [insert empath meme here]#warning for me complaining about a graphic nightmare!!!!:#had a few stress dreams(?) last night but one particularly violent one in which a woman got run over by a streetcar--#--and the paramedics were moving people along but i accidentally got a really good look at her and it fucked me up#she looked like she was just sleeping peacefully but i could only really make out the top half of her body#probably because the bottom half was... yeah.#i think i also had another dream that i was being hunted by a sniper?? and they had called my cell and were threatening me + my folks?#and another one where i had to hide some children from... i don't really know what. some dangerous person who wanted to kill all of us#but the kids wouldn't leave me even though i begged them to.#yeah just a normal collection of dreams for me. literally ugh.#i don't even think i'm stressed in my life rn??#not any more than normal lol
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bashing my head into the wall how dare you be so cute
#pokemon#pokemon masters ex#pokemon nemona#shes so#shes soioeu hrneirujgner#screaming#anyways#im not dead i just lose all sense of time i will write one day#but in the meantime look at her!#the scrungly#anyways anyways stream enforcer of knowledge#if enforcer of knowledge has a thousand fans i am one if enforcer of knowledge has a hundred fans i am one if enforcer of knowledge has ten#fans i am one if enforcer of knowledge has no fans then i am DEAD#speaking of fe engage i got jumpscared last night because some random person liked one of my insta posts#which is like yeah my account is public but it was terrifying#containment breach moment#it was my yunaka post unsurprisingly#and not the dozen or so jojo siwa shitposts#im gonna stop tagging before its too late byebye sweet dreams
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Had a dream where I got a borzoi and named it dvd normal
#had two dog related dreams last night which is strange because I don't generally remember my dreams#in the other one I met a dog named Lola who could fly like Dumbo with her giant ears and it was the funniest thing that ever happened#I woke up and thought of her flying as high as she could until she was nothing more than a speck in the sky and started crying laughing#anyway. since i'll never have dickie (the borzoi i was going to get last year) maybe one day I'll get one and name it dvd normal instead#brookie's bullshit
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I woke up this morning from the weirdest this-fandom related dream ever. So, in my dream, Vash and Wolfwood were sitting by a campfire and griddle talking about weird meats. They had some weird meats with them, as in meats from different animals that they were planning on cooking and eating. Vash drew out a plastic wrapped package (vacuum pack, looked like my local store brand) that looked like a pork chop, but declared that it was, in fact, human meat. He'd gotten it from a little post-apocalyptic Noman's Land shop that specialised in such things. He said that, as a Plant, he wanted to try it to see if he was compatible for eating human. Dream!Vash? What the actual FUCK?!!! And so unwrapped it and put it on the griddle and creeped out Wolfwood, but Wolfwood understood. Something like that. And then I flashed back into my body. This entire scenario was one that I was writing as a fanfic on a public counter in some kind of cafeteria at an anime convention. Above it, appearing almost immediately, was a fancomic someone else did on the upright part of the counter that recounted the events of my fanfiction (a fancomic of my fanfiction) except that whoever did it made it more Vashwood than I had intended my story, ending it with Vash and Wolfwood kissing. At the same time, I was thinking "My fanfic doesn't deserve this, it's not that good. It's not like Sin Eaters by dragonofeternal, which has a similar theme done much better." Yes, I was literally thinking of a real fic I'd read in my dream! I commented aloud on the comic that "This is more Vashwood than I'd intended, but I'll take it." As in, it's not really my ship, no one that I see as canon, but I like people in fandom shipping whatever they like and I enjoy Vashwood when it's done well and makes sense, which it kinda did in this fancomic even though it was inspired by my fanfic, which hadn't gone in that direction. Cue some snotty twenty-something with blueish purple dyed long pigtails and a Goth look sitting around nearby looking at all of this informing me "Vashwood is canon." and I said "No it's not." And she argued that she'd read some very obscure comic where it was - and it turns out we had both, by then, shifted into Batman fandom and she was referencing some obscure storyline in which Batman and Robin had fucked like animals. I further argued that I was going by a very specific canon (ala, "Batman the Animated Series" - which was somehow Trigun now), but concededed that while I wasn't as much into the deep lore of the comics, that I wouldn't be surprised if Batman/Robn (Vash and Batman now? Huh?) was canon in some form. Brain.... what are you doing?
#trigun#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#cw: cannibalism#but is it really if the guy who is a “humanitarian” is a Plant?#no no Vash would see it as cannibalism#vashwood#apologies to vashwood fans for this#the fancomic in my dream was a very good one though#please don't pay attention to my brain#go read Sin Eaters for yikes horror tender sad content#it is actually very beautiful#if you can handle some body horror#I wonder if this dream came about because last night I was talking to a friend...#about how I'd gone to a jerky store recently and had picked up sticks of weird meats#gator camel kangaroo and whatnot#I have yet to try them#it came up in a conversation about food and her reluctance to try new things vs. my enthusiasm for novel experiences#sadly no human jerky#because we do not live in the Fallout universe#the brain is weird#dreams#entertaining dreams#looks like I write fanfiction in my dreams now
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I hate when youre having a dream and your brain makes up a guy and goes “okay you have a strong emotional attachment to this guy” and you’re like okay cool I love this guy I’d do anything for him. and then he fuckin dies
#most often for me this is a romance but last night he was a mentor and it was HORRIBLE#my actual real life sister also died in the dream which was way more tragic than the guy#but in the light of day feels less mean. because I am awake now and can go No I know my sister is not dead I can call her on the phone#but this guy? my mentor who taught me everything I know? he doesn’t exist so he’ll always be dead to me#that’s just Mean y’know#anyway if I could remember more of my dream it’d probably make a decent ya novel#like it had narrative cohesion and a floating magic school and epic war between good and evil#I’m VERY interested in the floating magic school. might incorporate that into a dnd campaign#this has been a post
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Right here's what I hope happens since we're not getting a qsmp stream like Foolish and Tina said we would get this weekend.
- they reset the art in the museum on Monday doing a nepotism and putting Tina's art of Pomme in
- wait a few days for people to see it and those that don't know about it realise that it THE TinaKitten that drew it
- have a lore stream that's potentially just Tina (and Foolish) escaping because Bagera and Cellbit chose to stay while Tina and Foolish were running to the boat and wanted to escape
- Foolish and Leo reunion, Teaduo reunion
- Tina finally gets to meet Empanada and immediately hit it off then they go to the museum as a mini family
- Tina points out the Pomme drawing and how she got in because nepotism and Empanada asks her to draw her
- Tina immediately does it off stream and privately messages the admins to put it in the museum and then she'll post it on the next monday after they've seen it so it's not spoiled
- chat and Em both freak out at seeing Tina's adorable drawing and then all the other eggs keep asking Tina to draw them
#i literally had this dream last night#and either em is cheeky being like why didnt you draw me? since the museum isnt canon#or is super nervous asking to be drawn as well because shes a little sweetheart#please i need them to meet and tina immediately fall in love#also bagi needs to ask her to be her girlfriend the second they get a moment alone#i cant have tina keeping going around like 'shes my minecraft... crush???? she might not have meant anything that way!!'#after having gone on a date and bagi literally constantly flirting with her#while bagis just constantly refering to her as her girlfriend before adding that she hasnt actually asked yet#these gay disasters#teaduo#qsmp#qsmp tina#qsmp empanada#qsmp bagi#qsmp teaduo#it would be funny that if tina does decide to draw all the eggs that the space above the lecturn on the second floor is the place for them#then the rest is still the fans art but the eggs can see Tina's art of them without having to find them in the server#i just fucking love tinas art and her pomme and have done leo are so good#i want to jnow how she would design empanada
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I am going to continue to complain about the lack of Janine and Abe content indefinitely perhaps. I encourage people to send me their headcanons about them no matter how ridiculous. My asks are always open.
#i think this may because i had a dream about them last night (i posted about that earlier)#like yk when you dream about something and its just in the back of your mind all day?#and i read the first few chapters of last sacrifice tonight where abe is blowing shit up for rose like...#i just love thinking about janine and her relationship with abe because of all the hints that are dropped throughout the series#i have so many thoughts about it but i havent pieced them all together yet#abe mazur#janine hathaway#hathazur
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of course lol
#i already have my halloween costume for this year but i saw this and thought it was funny#since i dressed up as her last year lmfao#i actually just got my costume today#thank you to the guy my friends and i met at a bar last night who paid for half of our tab because the amount of money i spent at the#halloween store today is insane#being a pisces is so funny because it’s like the most predictable sign#especially when it comes to movies and things like that#it will always be something associated with water (the little mermaid or titanic etc)#or dreams (sleeping beauty or a nightmare on elm street or the wizard of oz etc)#or movies with very emotional characters (carrie etc)#personal
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packing for my trip this week and i’m like when was the last time i actually went on a vacation that involved a flight…well it was 19 years ago. and 19 years ago i was 7 so i’m sure i was only minimally involved in the packing process
#last time i went on a vacation it wasn’t really a vacation because i only lived like 11 miles away#but that santa monica hotel room was much nicer than my hollywood shithole apartment so it still counts#anyway most vacations i have taken have been like. 4-8 hr drive to the beach#but when i was 7 i flew with my grandma to san antonio to visit her sister#i was soooo obsessed with texas after that. i dreamed about it every night for the next 3 months#but my aunt has been dead now for over a decade. and i never made it back to texas until 2021#thought of visiting her grave but didn’t. spent the night in a crummy motel 6 then drove to el paso#and my stupid a/c died in the middle of the desert. god i miss driving but if i had a car i could never afford rent when i’m back in LA#Wait what was this post about i think i lost the plot somewhere
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last night i had a dream that i fell in love with his ex like straight up hardcore fairy tale type fucking love and i’m not even gonna lie it is extremely fucking with my head rn lmfao
#the parasocial relationship just got so much worse#j feel fucking insane#in the dream i was totally over him but i was absolutely crazy abt her#i know this is because i saw pictures of her right before i went to bed last night#but it’s still. insane#i don’t know this woman i need to get it together
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two days ago dandy got her 3rd dose of meds. yesterday the red patch on her belly was going away but she was still lethargic. today she is swimming around again and i dont see any red!!!
she has been getting, on every other day, a 50% water change with 1 tbsp of epsom salt added for every 5 gallons, and a dose of kanaplex and metroplex. Kanaplex is not supposed to go past 3 doses, but the box instructions don't include water changes too, so another dose might be okay, but I don't think i wanna risk it. however i dont wanna stop medicating yet so ill probably do a water change later today and continue to dose Metroplex for a few days.
so basically come on dandy you can do it i love you!!! however im still not sure why she GOT sick so ill be worried forever! if i have time today ill try to make the 55gal less ugly. add sand (i need to shorten the filter intake somehow though), put the baby vals into more jars, put big rocks back, maybe put silk plant garlands back. i also figured out how to divide 2 airstones into 3 with adequate flow to each, so after dandy is done using it, the 55gal can have their airstone AND sponge filter again.
#g postin#also i had s dream that she was all better last night. walked in and was like omg ;;_;; hi dandy#but still HOW TO HAVE HER NOT GET SICN AGAIN?!?! AAAAAA#also the sand came with a bio media packet for some reason so like do i add it just because or....
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What if you could exist as nonbinary in the world
#like i know i can but#i cant be out at work thats just making my social life 10x harder for almost no benefit#i cant go to school anymore i hate it there#and i couldnt really even be out at school because i hate telling people my pronouns#i have a masc name and i like my name but it means people dont assume im nb#and i hate hate hate telling people otherwise#i know there are coworkers i could come out to but#i feel alone#and i need to wake up at some point#which is a whole other thing that i cant put into words but is a thing i need to do#thats what my whole album is about#and ive been working on that thing since march and its driving me crazy#i felt so relieved to think about kirbtober and not that and now its back#i feel like I've found all the pieces and put them together only to not slot in the last one#and then just walk away and let people take whats left#maybe I'm depressed idk#i dont think so#i feel like im dreaming#like i have occasional moments of lucidity separated by days of feleing jaded#making music every day might not help?#but i want to do this#its less so a workload thing#i can make a daily song in 15 minutes to an hour#and be fine with it#but i want it to be good#starflung's comments on the song i made for her keep me going#and ant texting me in the middle of the night (or their day idk) that my music is good#feeling terrible that i want more and more attention#but like#oh okay im out of tags vent post over i guess
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chad (i live in america. though i have plans to leave soon(ish) because i've got my band members in canada.. i have a pink-camo bolt action rifle named angie i got on my 8th birthday. then my dad's rifle is named cig..for no reason... and my 9mm is named bugger. my favorite movie has to be between urbania, the living end and tusk. i have no pets because i travel quite a lot, but i'll be settling down next year and i'll be taking my brother's siamese kitten named rockwell.. and there isn't much around me since, again, i travel a lot. there is a hiking trail though and a record store i frequent.)
ill pack my bags and move to canada and be your bands 1st and worst groupie ^_^. angie sounds so pretty ... imagining pink camo rifle in my head right now and its pretty epic. of course....no reason at all to name that rifle cig........ :^33........... and i like 'bugger'. that's what my nana would say instead of cursing. is there a story behind that name, or behind angie's? id be interested to know ^_^. i have seen the living end but not urbania or tusk.... i will watch them . i just looked them up on letterboxd and tusk is directed by kevin smith?? like jay&sb kevin smith?? so cool..! i lovethat guy.. rockwell sounds so adorable... i love a record store. gotten any particularly good finds there? :^0
#for real though..my mother used to talk about moving to canada and living with her friend who is literally named moose. of course that was#just a pipe dream though theres not that kinda money...#to be forreal it does sound a little daunting to move somewhere so cold. though i imagine not all of it is cold. i guess auckland's stupid#weather patterns are something i have grown accustomed to. speaking of. its so fucking hot in my room oh my god. i cant turn on my ceiling#fan because my mother never vacuumed it in the winter like she said she would :^( id do it myself but i have a terrible dust allergy.. like#even last night when i was rifling under my bed looking for my capo i started sneezing. its really no good.#my nana is dead now im pretty sure she was homophobic. well if heaven is real and she got in i hope they let her curse there
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