#because I AM such a strong believer in good communication fixing most things

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Forcibly trying to use the block button more instead of defaulting to my "Oh, this is a simple misunderstanding that can be resolved with communication and clarification" habit because... buddy, this person is clearly just angry and is looking for an argument, please don't waste energy trying to have a conversation with them

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "Hidden message from an old friend"

-- REMEMBER THAT THIS IS JUST A READING AND IT MAY NOT CARRY THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUR SITUATION! -- the best thing to do is to either communicate with the person if you feel the need or bring yourself closure, according on what your guts and specific situation are suggesting you. do not let a random reading decide for your life as it could be entirely wrong.

take a breath and choose the photo/number that calls you the most to read a message from an old friend that never reached for you but it may help you understanding something more about your connection or how it ended. thanks Anon for suggesting this

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one, there may be messages in each of those piles.remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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pile 1

I think things changed or communication stopped kinda suddenly. Either of you felt like you didn't know what to tell the other anymore (you probably grew apart, it feels kinda natural as well, nothing too forced.. just life). For some of you, you had different views on parts of life or how to live it/what to do, or you had to heal something (maybe you had to heal something together and once you ended, so your relationship ended OR you had to heal something separately). Others simply got ghosted or ghosted the person (more likely the first one). I think your egos occasionally clashed or communication about some deeper stuff lacked too, which made it all crumble down. Ofc, it has not much to do with how you can still respect each other (once you realize there was no judgment -or if there was, it wasn't any of you's fault but just triggers- but only a natural flow of things and you were different people at your core -if applies ofc) even if you don't hear from each other anymore/you're no more in contact.

The message: I always appreciated how you deal with uncertainty and difficult times, your point of views. Your mind is very brilliant and strong. You are also very talented at what you do/are are amazing and I know you probably never believed me when I told you so, but I hope you can change this and realize your real worth. Remember to stay balanced and to trust yourself. You know more than you're aware of. Keep working on your passions, don't let them go. Things will soon be brighter for you. I will cheer for you from here and I hope you can do the same for me. Ps. At times I still miss you/think about our time. It was a good one, I hope for you too.

(For some: this person may come back in your life especially through text/sudden communictaion, up to you how to react -you can reach for them first as well, it depends on your situation and feelings-)

song: come | jain; the end | jpolnd

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pile 2

I am channeling "When you think of the past, you love me the most" (lyrics of the first song I wrote below). This person/you lighted up each others life until a certain period (probably even Christmas/winter as in the song) but then it stopped. There's something about finding each other in a dark/changing period and then helping each other coming out of it or making it better/supporting each other. Still, either of you probably closed doors on the long run because either of you were too stubborn or fixed. I think you met for a reason (which is related to make any of you's life at that time better) and then things had to end. Differences were too many, probably you felt betrayed or left aside, or they again were a bit too fixed on something that couldn't understand or open their mind to a different reason (especially if it was something you did or said or even thought and so you felt judged) or they felt betrayed by you cause you chose yourself once and they didn't even want to hear for reasons. I think something (an event/feeling) or someone came in between you two and changed it all. Ended it all pretty abruptly.

The message: I'm sorry if I have been so strict and fixed... I didn't know I had to work on that side of me and I had to learn it the hard way once you went away. Sorry you had to deal with it... I have understood your reasons, I have realized what I missed and I am sorry I failed you. Now I am more grounded, I am more aware, and open to communication (and to listen). I'd like to reach out for you again one day, but I think it would be too stressing for both of us, too weird... I'd like for us to live well and at peace now, as it was when we were laughing together at the weirdest sh*ts. Hope you can ground yourself as well and forgive me: pain/resentment will never last forever. Don't let me hurt you anymore.

(For some: if you have common friends you may happen to meet again -it could be a bunch of friends living in a different place)

song: our love will dry out on christmas | the electric diorama; closer to me | 5ive

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pile 3

There's something either you of them need to get out of your chest. Maybe you cannot give yourself a proper closure if you're no more in contact or if you're still in contact, you are hiding something from them/not saying something to them, and you feel you need to. Or you feel they're hiding/not saying something important to you. Maybe they have changed their behaviour with you for no apparent reason and it's stressing you a bit. You need to talk alone with them, and probably there's a lot you need to say or be more clear about or... you need to say/hear the truth. Emotions/feelings here are very hightened, it's like you're letting them take over and cloud your judgment: the thought of this person is causing you stress and overthinking. But indeed there's something that need to be worked on so to maybe help you bring closure (either to the relationship or this moment of pain -it can be both according on your situation). Just try to realize if you need this confrontation because it really serves you to feel better (even about yourself, to speak your truth) or if it's only your wounded ego jumping in.

The message: I'm sorry I am causing you this pain. Please, try to understand that this is hard for me too. Listen to your guts, I know you already have all the answers about us, but... you don't wanna listen to them from inside of you. You wanna listen them from me, right? ...Would it really be that different? You know things can change and you can change, you are already worthy and lovable, you don't need my words to know that. Please take it slow, give yourself/us time. Let love win, love for yourself in particular. Take a timeout to realize your feelings, to calm down. And then, if you'll still need to, let's talk about it all.

(For some: there may be romantic love involved here from any of you)

song: butterfly pt.2 | queen naija; song of the sea | lisa hannigan

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pile 4

It's a moment of reflection here, either that you are taking or that you'll need to take, especially if you are coming out of a period of turbolence and a rough ending. Healing is needed here (and it's happening or will soon). Or maybe you are not in contact with this person atm. Like you're living your life and they're living theirs. You have probably realized something, a betrayal or anything from this person or vice versa. I can feel there's anger for some of you, maybe this person "gave up on you", didn't take you into consideration for important stuff. You need to find a balance again between your inside and outside. You probably are losing hope on others or you're in a period of isolation as well. But what you can't see now is yourself and your worth and abilities, despite what happened. You're too focused on this person and how they acted. Try and take a breath and switch your point of view. It's not what they think of you that makes you you. Ofc you didn't deserve that, and ofc it pains you (so give it attention), but we cannot control others actions and reactions about us: overthinking them, won't change our feelings nor what they think nor what has been. We can only be sure about ourselves and maybe that this person wasn't who we would have wanted them to be (or we weren't for them -maybe you're also healing something related to relationships/friendships that blocked you in the past). Just let go of what/who is useless to our growth. It may sound harsh, but if someone only causes you pain or doens't consider you as you deserve to be, it's not someone worth sticking by hoping they can change. People change only if they want to, from the inside.

The message: Hey... How are you? I still think about us at times, you know? Our kid-days... We didn't deserve this probably, yeah. But there's so much you can't see, so much you don't know... maybe me as well, about you. And ofc I know every action brings a consequence, and I probably didn't do that on purpose, I don't even know... I probably only needed to do that to be honest, I felt like doing that. Maybe I (and you?) just needed to heal something inside, and I'm sorry you had to pay for it. I'm sorry, I didn't think about the consequences. But now don't let this stop you from going on. We need to go on. We can close this out, maybe even talk it out, if you want. But please, don't let this pain hurt you. Find a way to block it, please. For yourself, not me, so you can find better people for you and let them in.

(For some: they may be someone from your childhood, a close friend you're not very much in contact with or left you aside and/or now you only have random interactions with)

song: face down | the red jumpsuit apparatus; no church in the wild | madh

[theresstillgrowinghere]

Oh I am fucking angry.

Dr. Edwin Leap (yes, I will call you out by name because you published your bullshit online for the whole world to see), thank you for almost comedically illustrating why so many patients are afraid of doctors.

You do not ever get to think of your patients as other. They are your same flesh and blood; I don’t care how much you want to think of yourself as separate from those of us unwell. (I can tell how much disdain you hold for us just from this short article. We are failures, not good enough, not strong and morally pure like you are, hm?)

Healthcare can never, never, allow itself to other its patients. And yet, you publish an entire article calling sick people Homo infirmus and Homo fragilis? Your tone doesn’t come across very humorous, but even if it’s just supposed to be a silly little joke, explain to me why the fuck you think that would be okay.

Why the fuck would it be okay to say another person is not only not your same species but instead defined as other primarily by their illness?

And designated as such by you, a medical professional with direct influence on the lives and wellbeings of the very people you are dehumanizing?

Do you not see how terrifying that is? Do you not see why people would be afraid of you after just having read this piece?

And then you go on, boiling my blood:

“Homo fragilis, at least as a diagnostic category, begins earlier and earlier in life and often results not only in a tribe of people dependent on medications but also, ‘relying on the kindness of strangers.’ No, maybe better put, ‘demanding the kindness of strangers.’ These individuals require food, shelter, medication, affirmation, and often money from others because they cannot function in the wild. I’m not being mean; the causes are legion, from poor family structure to mental health challenges to social media.”

I cannot believe how many infuriating things you’ve said just in this paragraph alone, but I want to focus on the part that immediately washed me with deep shame. Unrightfully so. You have no right to make me feel ashamed, and yet, when you said “demanding” better captures my state of existence, it turned my stomach inside out.

Yes, I am disabled. I absolutely rely very heavily on other people. Yes, I require food, shelter, medication, affirmation, money. And so do you, christ. You aren’t better than us just because we need support from our communities. Getting support from those around us isn’t a crime, isn’t a wrongdoing, isn’t a moral failure.

You know what it is? Human.

Whether or not Margaret Mead actually said that a healed femur in recovered ancient remains was the earliest sign of civilization (we’re going to save the charged nature of this term for another time and for now just use it as a placeholder for consistent, steady, lasting community), there is a reason why people latch onto this story. There is a reason why it warms people’s hearts:

So many of us want to care* for people. So many of us want to have people care for us. So many people feel closer to others, to ourselves, to our own humanity when offering others care.

(*I am including all the vastly different ways we can show others care, love, support, respect, protection, encouragement, etc.)

And perhaps the most upsetting part is how close you are to understanding the problem while getting the most key pieces so, so wrong. You’re right, our current healthcare system cannot handle the amount of support patients need right now. But please, I beg you, could you consider for just one second that it is not the fault of the patients? Could you please not strip me of my humanity just because I need help to survive?

Fix the system. You’re right, there is a massive problem. But it’s not us. Next time you’re considering your “long-dormant zoology degree,” think twice and reflect a bit before publishing bullshit like this. Think about what it means to take care of those around you. Think about your own humanity.

[areus-in-a-little-cave]

I haven't seen anyone post it so here's Shelby's second statement on Twitter:

[Image ID: Two screenshots of text written by Shubble and posted on @/shelbygraces on Twitter. They read: "I've thought a lot about what I would say when I came back. Firstly I want to say the biggest thank you to everyone showing their support. I have never felt so loved and cared for. And I've never seen so many communities come together to have somebody's back like this. I'm so proud of everyone taking such a powerful stance against these actions. I never could have imagined this response. While I didn't do this for myself, through sharing my story I have healed more parts of myself I had no idea were still pained.

I'd like to address the apology. Quite frankly I've never seen an apology so self centered. It seems to purposely misconstrue the issue I very clearly laid out. My issue was not with being bit. It was with being HURT. And to vaguely apologize for "any hurt" while knowing we needed a safe word because I was being hurt so often on accident, and I continued to be hurt daily, is incredibly disrespectful. But not more disrespectful than not even saying my name. I believe I am referred to as "ex girlfriend" so if you don't know who he's talking about, you might now find out what he did. This is not how you take accountability.

Not only are there no dms whatsoever where it is expressed that I enjoy being hurt by my partner, to imply there was consent in text over an issue that entirely happened in person, where every conversation about it happened in person, is ridiculous. He knows how often I asked him to stop hurting me, that I didn't like it and that I didn't like being covered in bruises all the time. Entirely why he switches to biting my legs, so no one would think I looked abused. But he continued to hurt me. He either didn't take my pleas for it to stop seriously, or he didn't hear them at all.

I felt lost for so long, truly losing myself in this relationship. I abandoned my personal morals, neglected friends and lied for this person. With every time I spoke up being ignored, I shrank. I lost my fight. I stayed locked in a house I had no key for and didn't even try to leave anymore. People ask why we stay, and it's so hard to explain ourselves because we've abandoned all our reasoning. I wasn't safe anymore with this person but I couldn't see that. I loved him and he told me he'd try to stop hurting me.

I'm deeply saddened by how many more friends were hurt by his actions. But I'm so thankful to everyone doing the absolute most in making sure I've been ok over the last few days. Thank you to everyone who's reached out to me. Thank you #ShubbleSupportSquad, every day I read your messages and see your art, and it makes me feel truly like the bravest girl in the world. I think the good that comes out victims sharing their experiences so others can learn and avoid similar pain, or come to terms with ways they were mistreated, is the most important thing in this moment.

You cannot treat people this way without consequence. You cannot pretend you don't know the harm you cause. You cannot pretend going to therapy fixes all past mistakes. All of the love that's been shared for me over the past few days, is for every victim of abuse. Our lives are forever changed by these experiences. I now struggle with memory problems and extreme anxiety. And it may be awhile before I feel fully like myself, whoever she is. But I know I have my spark back. Please remember how brave and how strong you are. We shouldn't be expected to be silent when we are mistreated." End ID]

[pineapplefulfillseveryneed]

Sparks tour 2023 part 5: Cirque Royal, Brussels (june 20, 2023)

This was the show I was probably the most excited about out of all of them because we had the best seats in the house: front row, right in the middle! It had been the one ticket sale where I'd been super lucky, and this was going to be my final show of the tour. And truly there could not have been a better way to end the tour! (Be prepared for the most excited writeup :)) The fun already started when on our way to Brussels we came across a piano at a train station. I played my best rendition of This Town on it (which frankly isn't very good at all) and there was a woman there who wanted me to play more - we had somehow managed to come across a Sparks fan out in the wild! Once we arrived at our bnb in Brussels there was a key in the door with an Air Jordan shoe key chain attached to it. (I don't know what it is with Brussels, the stars aligned to a degree that makes a person believe in a higher power.)

The venue was quite fancy and we got to our seats to find there was no banister! We were so close we could touch the stage while remaining seated. (Some people may dream of winning the lottery, this is winning the Sparks fan lottery.) Excitement & anxiety (positive) were through the roof and one of the songs played over the sound system made me feel like punching a hole in the wall XD Sarah shazamed a few songs and the one that got me the most was Fahrenheit 451: The Nightmare by Bernard Herrman (here's a link). The other song Sarah looked up was Salaambo's Aria. (I am very happy to have made a video of the hall before the show because it makes me feel all those feelings of being there again.) To our right was a young fan and to our left were two of our friends, the company could not have been better and we were going to have an extremely strong front row game!

Mr.B The Gentleman Rhymer

Some lights in the hall went on and they lit up the front row, me and Sarah in our giddiness were joking to each other that the light was especially for us and we were giggling about it to then realise Mr. B was standing right in front of us hahaha woops XD (oh no.) We quickly made up for this by applauding and cheering. It really was very confusing as no one knew what time things were going to start this evening and unfortunately this meant there weren't an awful lot of people in the hall. It was shockingly empty when I looked around. Mr.B was in top form though! At the end of his set we gave him a two-person standing ovation :) I am still so happy that he was the opening act for the European shows!

Before Sparks came on the fire alarm went of for some reason, but luckily it didn't seem to mean anything.

Sparks!

Excitement was through the roof when they came on! However... something seemed to be wrong with Ron's setup which became clear just as Russell was entering the stage. Russell went back to the side of the stage and the entrance music played a second time. It was all pretty quickly fixed and then Russell walked to the edge of the stage. Right in front of us! Towering over us!! "So.. Brussels! May we start?" I will never forget the looks me and Sarah quickly exchanged when this happened, like IS THIS REAL? IS THAT WHAT THIS SHOW IS GOING TO BE LIKE? (Spoiler: it was. And Russell clearly had a good time doing this lmao. What the hell is our life!) We were overjoyed and Russell and Ron seemed very happy and then it kicked off!

We spent the entire show bouncing in our seats and having our arms in the air. Throughout the show there were quite a few smiles and so much happened that I can not even recall it all! At one point Russell smiled at me (!) and so I smiled back and did a happy wiggle, AND THEN HE WAS STILL LOOKING, so I tried to smile even wider and tilted my head to communicate something along the lines of "this is so much fun and I love being here with you guys and all these fans so much it's driving me nuts" and he GIGGLED (I can die happy, my dreams are fulfilled).

Obviously Russell spoke French for this show and my French isn't the best but he said really sweet things about how it's always really special in Brussels and that tonight would be no exception, "guarantie!" (Sorry to French speakers I don't know if I chose the right form of the word to spell it correctly.) I will have to upload a video of him saying this because it was 1) really sweet, and 2) I know some of you are Very Normal about Russell's French :) [Edit: here's the video!]

I was so happy to be at this show with Sarah and so so happy with our show neighbours! Some of my favourite moments are definitely very much down to the great company and so I am going to start mentioning all of those <3

Near the end of Nothing Is As Good As They Say It Is both me and Sarah were punching the air to the beat and I noticed our moves mirrored each other exactly, we were completely in sync with each other and the song (in the moment it was very much a HOLY SHIT WE ARE DOING THIS, THIS IS THE BEST!) and we really pulled it off! Kept it up to the final note, ending the song perfectly with the both of us punching both our arms in the air! And it made Russell smile - I am still giddy about this. We did so well :D

It Doesn't Have To Be That Way was incredible. Me and Sarah both had gotten our phones out and were sitting there curled up in our seats with big eyes, I vividly remember looking over to Sarah next to me and being like, ...yeah 🥹

For Balls we had prearranged with our neighbours that we'd all get up, because holy shit we all love Balls so much and we needed them to know - that song deserves everything from the audience. It really was the best feeling in the world, to be standing there with the 5 of us at the front singing Balls right back in Russell's face. There's videos of Balls from Brussels and it is genuinely one of the very best moments of my life, it's everything. I love Balls so much. (Most people talking about Balls in Brussels will only mention the fact that Russell had a fall, and he did, but he was a real champ and got up real quick, made an attempt to throw the speaker that tripped him (good man adfjhdf), and bounced and sang on even harder.)

With Escalator it was clear Russell knew how much we loved his dance because he was dancing A LOT, and he added some really great moves for she's going up as I'm going down. Obviously we were doing the same dances in our seat with the biggest smiles on our faces, I just love Escalator so much! It didn't go unnoticed and I love that so much!

During When Do I Get To Sing 'My Way' 4 of us did that "in heaven or hell" signing with our arms in sync with Russell and Russell smiled because of it, real sweet fucking moment - I am not over it.

And that concludes my favourite moments that had everything to do with my show neighbours, I love you all so much! (Oh yeah forgot to mention there was a lot of giggling to my left and it just made me so happy, every time Sarah would shout "WOO!" giggles broke out on my left and it was really sweet. Also my neighbour on my left had a fan and she actually fanned my face at times, like... Sparks friends, next level :))

Okay on to some other highlights. A really big one was during Music That You Can Dance To and by now everyone knows how I feel about this song, BUT RUSSELL HAD A PROP! He skipped to the back of the stage where he has that little table thingy and he HAD A MINI ELECTRIC FAN AND STOOD THERE HOLDING IT TO HIS FACE FOR A SECOND XD (I love this guy. He was very much smiling about this.) Then he put it down, said something along the lines of "okay back to it!" and went back to skipping and dancing around. (I have not found any footage of Music That You Can Dance To though and so if anyone has that, LET ME KNOW.)

We definitely got a "YEAH" from Ron during Shopping Mall Of Love. During We Go Dancing Russell went to Ron's side of the stage (where he had had the fall during Balls) and signed at the spot on the floor after he sang "sometimes I get injured man, it's harder than it looks". Way to incorporate this into the performance XD He signed at that speaker on the floor once more during The Number One Song In Heaven. Honestly, iconic.

It also really needs saying that Belgian audiences are generally really, REALLY, good. There were so many arms in the air throughout the entire hall for When Do I Get To Sing 'My Way', The Number One Song In Heaven and This Town. They all take off so beautifully. There was an applause between songs that made Russell hide his face and he went to stand with Ron, Sarah was drumming on the stage, it was just incredible. It only stopped because Ron started playing the next song. I loved punching the beat into the air for The Number Song In Heaven right in front of Russell and he seemed really encouraging of it too, it was just amazing :D It was probably my favourite experience of hearing This Town live as well because Russell came to dance and jump really close to us for so many of the important moments in the song! (Our timing was really good, I am so proud of us!)

Gee, That Was Fun hit me really hard as this was the last one. I don't know if it was a conscious decision or not but from here on to the end of the show Russell addressed the audience in English instead of French (I am grateful though because it meant fully understanding what he was saying): "We've always enjoyed coming to Brussels to play and tonight was far and away the best show and the best audience we've ever had in Brussels so thank you" 🥹 We probably got a little wave before they exited the stage but unfortunately my memory is hazy.. :')

During My Baby's Taking Me Home I finally spotted the plastic figurine on the stage that had been on Stevie's drums in Utrecht! It was lined up with the band and stood on the floor on its own with its arms in the air, the tiny thing looked like a rock star with the backlight and smoke and I was absolutely delighted by this XD (I love this band.)

The band intro was sweet as hell and Ron was smiling so much, also he looked extremely cool - he sat with one leg up while applauding the rest of the band. Russell said really sweet things about the band members, but seemingly scrambled for words for a second in his introduction of Evan Weiss which led to a pause in him saying something along the lines of "he's just an amazing ....person!" and (unfortunately I didn't see this) but apparently Stevie laughed at this and looked at Russell who then gestured like an "I dunno" at Stevie and they both laughed. When introducing Ron as his big brother Russell held his hand above Ron's head as he stood up and this was pretty great :) (I have a video of the band introduction so I'll upload this - it doesn't include the exchange between Stevie and Russell unfortunately.)

They let us applaud for a while before introducing All That. Russell said "When there's evenings like this that are really emotional for us, and we hope really emotional for you as well, this song is even ... takes on more resonance and it becomes even something more ... it becomes sadder to us. So in any case, it's called "All That"." (We audibly went "awww" - sorry Russell if you heard that :'))

And there it was. The last song of this show and the last song of this tour for me. I don't recall the photo moment all that well but I do remember us having a little panic as we didn't have a game plan and were right behind Russell. But we figured it out :) We made it in! (I love this photo so much and I've smiled about it so many times!)

There were waves and smiles and quite a few people in the front row got a handshake from Russell - us included (I smiled at him and said thank you :D). They stood there in front of us smiling for quite a bit, and our friend on our right had a small poster to ask Ron for his tie. (I couldn't read the poster so in this moment I was laughing to myself thinking about Ron making sure Russell couldn't see that sign that said "Ron you're sexy take your shirt off" on the 2022 tour XD) Ron actually replied though?! He smiled and said "next time". These guys... I love them so much. 🥹 There really could not have been a better show to end this tour on. I still think about it very regularly and can't help but smile about everything.

(My footage of this show can be found on youtube.)

~

After the show we stood around talking with more of our friends who had also sat in the front row but on the other side, smiling about it all. Someone we didn't know came up to our group to also excitedly yell about it all and asked us with a big smile if we had also seen "those kids in the front row". HOLY SHIT? 🥹

We said goodbye to our friends and went to see Mr.B to say goodbye and thank him again, because it all ended now. He was in conversation with someone and Sarah found a setlist on the floor in front of his merch table and for some reason we asked him if we could have it (you heard it here first, Mr.B is apparently the deity of setlists and will decide on if you can keep something you find on the floor lmao). He witnessed our deciding on who got to keep it which I hope amused him hahaha (thank you Sarah for letting me have it - it still makes me smile). The guy who was talking to Mr.B was a guy from the UK and he had apparently sat behind us, he said he had really enjoyed how much fun we were having and that we were probably the biggest Sparks fans he'd ever come across as "we didn't miss a single beat". 🥹 (I will cry.) I proceeded to have a possibly cringy conversation with Mr.B but everyone was laughing so I probably did alright hahaha. He told us he was hoping to tour Europe at one point and that he hoped to see us again. I hope so too! :)

Leaving the venue we bumped into all our friends again outside who hadn't made it very far past the door of the venue. They sang Bon Voyage at us as we left 🥹💕

[beanghostprincess]

People like to believe that yasopp up and left without any warning or talking about it with his wife (like that other show about gay pirates) but how his wife talked about him and how usopp views him he must of left a good impression on both of them. Yasopp most likely spent at least 5 years with his wife and kid before leaving

Okay, I actually agree wholeheartedly. I know it doesn't seem like it with how much I talk shit about Yasopp around here, but I swear I understand why he had to follow his dream and I am very aware that Banchina literally told him to do so. However! However. Even if we do know he loves Usopp and is definitely worried about seeing him because of feeling guilty for what he did (I genuinely felt so bad when he said he wasn't ready to see Usopp. Although two seconds later I literally stared at my screen and said "grow some fucking balls and see your kid". So. Yeah) I still feel some resentment toward him(?

The whole situation is pretty similar to Oden's, if you think about it. Dude wanted to stay with his family in Wano but Toki literally threatened him to go follow his dream first. That's kind of the same thing that happens with Yasopp. I think people see Yasopp as the bad guy mostly because we never see his POV and instead we just see how that affected Usopp and Banchina. Besides, Oden was away for considerably a lot less time. So,,, Not really the same, but the concept is pretty much the same thing.

I don't hate Yasopp. I understand why he left and I'm sure Usopp loves him to death, even if there are bittersweet feelings there. But there are still a lot of things that don't sit right with me? I personally just feel horrible when thinking that he's the main reason Usopp kept lying all the time and if you rewatch Syrup Island now it just hurts more. The fact that he met Luffy and spent time with him, too? It's just, uh, idk, it feels weird. Besides, send a letter or something. Try to call your son, maybe? Perhaps try to have a way of communicating with him before going away for years? I think we can't ignore the fact that one of the reasons why Usopp is so insecure might probably be him. Not to blame him for everything, because of course Usopp has more personality and insecurities that have nothing to do with Yasopp. But you know. It just feels weird.

Now this part is just personal but parents who leave their children make my blood boil with anger and even if I understand why he did it and everything, I will never completely like Yasopp. Not until we see more of him and Usopp, at least.

And also, I still think the crew (leaving what I personally think aside) would not like Yasopp. Especially Sanji, probably. Not because I'm a Sanuso shipper (although it really affects my opinion on this ngl) but because I think Sanji would have a very strong view of what fatherhood is and he refuses to see Usopp getting hurt again. And I think I said this before but Nami and Zoro would not really like Yasopp either, not unless Usopp verbally tells them he's on good terms with his dad.

I just think Usopp and Yasopp's relationship is very complicated. It isn't about Yasopp being a good dad or not (same thing with Uta and Shanks too, honestly. People keep saying that he's a deadbeat when he was just a stupid dad trying to protect his daughter and that decision ended up backfiring). A lot of people have different views on this, and I think we're all right in some way. He loves his son and Usopp loves his dad and they admire each other a lot. But that doesn't fix what's broken, either. I personally am so excited to see them reunite and see how Oda writes it!!!

[funkymbtifiction]

Aaaashhhh!! Final hours!! Thank you for all your service Charity!!

I remember a while back you said that ennea 3s often think of themselves as not being good enough to be 3s when typing themselves (or something along those lines). Also saying that if you're struggling to find your MBTI type, but are considering an extroverted type, then you're probably extroverted because most introverts wouldn't even consider potentially being extroverted, whereas the other way around is much more common. Oh and also that most ennea 6s sort of deny their 6ness when initially seeking out their type.

Do you have any other neat little bits of self typing advice along those lines? As in, any other fun little quirks in how different MBTI/ennea types end up typing themselves?

I got maybe a half an hour left in me and then I'm crashing.

Hmm. General thoughts from human interactions of late:

1s... don't seem to mistype as much as other types, but if they do, it's often their wing. There's a big difference in their stacking, the basics summed up as -- if I am the problem and need to self-examine and correct myself, it's sp-first, and if you are the problem, it's soc first.

2s... usually mistype as 4s, and will insist upon being a 4 because it appeals to them to be "creative," while thinking it's basic human kindness to be nice to people and do kind things for them all the time ("doesn't everyone do that? it doesn't make me not a 4! I am an unselfish 4!" <- super ego thinking). If your brain is full of shoulds, you are not a 4.

3s... may think that they aren't successful enough to be a 3, because they are idolizing 3s and their productivity or achievements; but there is an inner lacking and emptiness that makes them less emotional and more objective than the other heart types, less in touch with what they want to do, as separate from what others expect from them.

4s... do not comment places and go "omg, so relatable!" or "omg, you are so right about me, this is totally me!" They hate having anyone identify with them or think they understand what it's like to be a 4. They aren't going to identify with you, find anything in common with you, or allow you to think you have accurately interpreted their work. They are frustrated cores, ergo not "sweet." They can be nice, and deep, and wonderful, but they are not eager to find other 4s.

5s.... watch and learn but rarely participate. I recently saw a (likely mistyped 6) inviting 5s in an online group to come together, meet other 5s, and form a community. All the 6s mistyped as 5s eagerly took part, but the real 5s left crickets in their wake. It was funny.

6s... will argue from every possible angle and come up with the most unlikely explanation and examine it ruthlessly while insisting it's true, ask leading questions hoping to get the answer they want, and mistype as literally everything other than 6; if you tell them they are a 6, they will doubt, challenge, and question that ad naseum. They do not win arguments so much as wear down their opponent into exhaustion. I should know. I do this. :P

7s... oddly enough can mistype as 4, but they take traumatic personal experiences and instead of making that part of their eternal brokenness, they gloss over it and tell you how "strong" it made them and turn it into a personal triumph story (re-framing x 10,000). (If you do not believe me, watch the "sexual 4" on Chestnut's 4 panel, and you will see a 7 core with a 4 fix basically doing just that, ahem).

8s... do not give two f*cks. They ignore or block what annoys them unless there's a 6 fix involved like Emeka.

9s... are a lot more stubborn, moralistic, and argumentative than most of the descriptions allow for. I've seen them get on people's cases quite a few time -- so do not think that because you stand up for yourself or tell off someone online for their bad behavior or "stir things up" that it disqualifies you from being a 9. It also surprises me how loud their secondary fix (especially 6 or 4) can be, because of their tendency to merge their agenda into their second fix.

I know it's not as "fun" as maybe you were hoping, but maybe it'll be interesting / insightful nonetheless.

Sx is not about being passionate, creative, or interesting.

Sp is more "hook up culture" than sx.

Social is not about groups; it's about communication.

You can actually tell stacking from photos and from people's writing style. Although I am just learning about the former...

[shedidntevenswear]

It’s my 30th birthday!

which means i’ve had this exact tumblr account for literally half of my life lol embarrassing

Because I am my mother(Taylor Swift)’s daughter, I decided to take a page from her book and share 30 things I’ve learned in my 30 years of life so far:

It’s the people, it’s the people, IT’S THE PEOPLE. In anything you do, any space you inhabit, the people around you are what actually matters, not the dogma or the process or whatever. Act accordingly. 

Some things can go to the group chat instead of out on the internet.

Listening without trying to fix things is an important skill, especially when talking to yourself. 

Therapy is worth the money. 

Not everything that is great or meant for you is meant to last forever. Embrace ephemera.

You really can find everything you need on NOT Amazon, it just takes a little more work. Generally the work is worth it. 

Different things work for different people, you don’t need to apply whats best for someone else to yourself and you definitely don’t get to decide that what’s right for you is how everyone should be living. 

I read so much more after embracing audiobooks and 2x speed. 

Liking things is so much cooler and more fun than hating things.

WEAR SUNSCREEN EVEN WHEN YOU DONT THINK YOU NEED IT.

The best way to live in community is with a soft front and a strong back. 

Getting outside and moving my body actually does make me feel better, damn it.

Take the Uber sometimes. Don’t be a hero.

You can’t always believe everything you read on the internet. 

Relatedly, you don’t always have to believe the opinions of people on the internet about you or the things you care about. You don’t always have to give the same weight to the things internet people say as you would to people who know you. 

Feelings need to be felt. 

Things you enjoy doing are worth doing even if you aren’t “good” at them. 

I’ve learned how to be alone with myself without descending into crippling loneliness immediately #justextrovertthings

Check the weather before you leave the house.

Certainty isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. The vulnerability that comes from uncertainty is where connection happens. 

It’s actually totally fine to eat the same thing every day if you are getting the fuel you need and you like how it tastes. Not everyone has to be a chef.

Opinions are not facts. 

You’ll enjoy life so much more if you just let yourself have a little treat every day. 

You can have fantastic, budget-friendly European vacations if you simply don’t care about the quality of where you sleep. (aka I’ve slept on a lot of overnight buses and in the most basic BnBs)

Nine times out of ten, it’s not personal. People are thinking more about themselves than they are ever thinking about you when making the decision to do or say something. 

There are so many things out of my control. Wisdom is realizing what I can control, and satisfaction comes from concentrating my effort there and letting go of the rest. 

There *are* good men out there, they are just exceptionally hard to find. Very few of them are single though. 

The goal of life is not to be a “good” person, it’s to be a person who does good and acknowledges and apologizes and improves when they’ve done something bad. 

Nobody notices or cares if you wear the same shirt two or three days in a row when you work over Zoom. Save those laundry coins. 

It’s never too late to start something new. Discovery and learning new skills and trying new things has no age limit. 

[pechaberriesandsoju]

You're a powerful, strong personality who cares deeply for others. You are willing to put yourself in the line of fire to protect the things you care about - whether it be your beliefs, friends or your f/os! You give so much of yourself without expecting anything in return, and because of this you are either widely admired or painted as an unfortunate target. Such passionate and selfless honesty is rare in this day and age, but I hope you can find some time to care for yourself as well 🫂💖

(Sorry this reads like a PMD quiz result btw, no idea why it came out like this)

You're fine! And I'm ngl, I guess I just have quite a sense of justice when it comes to those I care about or what I believe in. Guess it's because I never really had much of a voice back then when I was younger. I'm still finding it, mind you, but I just want there to be good things for others, especially those I care about. I wish I could fix misunderstandings that happened before I came along, that I'm braver than I currently am to actually speak up more about stuff that happened, but it's still scary. I'm still scared. I'd rather get hurt than those who don't deserve it. It terrifies me to death, but I'll gladly keep fighting for a place that's more welcoming and safe for me and others. I'm often hated for speaking out or saying my mind a lot, but I don't care most of the time, honestly. I just want this community to be more welcoming and not so hostile. I'm not expecting or saying I alone can save it cause god knows I'm not the one to do so. I just want to be a voice that hopefully helps others later on if that makes sense.

I hope I'm making sense, idk I'm really fucking tired honestly lmao.

This year and this month keep throwing shit at me, but I keep going somehow! But thank you, anon. Hopefully I eventually get a break soon, and I'm able to relax, and so are my friends.

[nova-alien-rants]

i feel so incredibly lucky.

i honestly don't even know how to verbalize everything i'm feeling and have been feeling for a long time already, but i should probably try because i think it's worth putting this out there. i legitimately think that brendon is one of the best things to have ever happened to me. like, EVER. plenty of times have i thought and said "this person is the one," but he... god, he feels so different in literally the best way possible.

my entire life i have always been so desperate for someone to love me the way i love them. wholeheartedly, accepting them for all their flaws, doing everything i can to be there for them when they struggle to be there for themselves. i've always wanted to mean the world, to mean everything to someone. to be loved genuinely and accepted exactly as i am without needing to hide parts of myself just to keep that love close.

it's already been a year with him and it somehow seems to simultaneously have gone by at a snail's pace and in the blink of an eye. i can't believe i went 20 years without him. i can't imagine life without him. it's as if i never actually lived before him and moon.

he's so secure. in his attachment, in his mindset, in his life, in everything. to him, everything is okay and always will be okay. even if things are really hard, it's okay to feel upset and things will get better. he doesn't just know this, he FEELS it. he LIVES by it. this security and okayness are a PART of him.

there is not a SINGLE OUNCE of anxiety from him, regardless of the circumstance, and it's amazing. it's so refreshing and so unlike anything i've ever experienced. it's absolutely foreign and i still do feel afraid sometimes, but even when i get afraid he assures me it's okay. he hugs me as i sob and tells me i'm safe. he tells me how much he loves me and how much i'm wanted. just writing about it makes me cry.

the past year has taught me that i really needed someone with a secure attachment. i need the example, i need the space to feel my feelings, i need the ability to heal, i need to emulate the patterns, i need to learn to self regulate, all of which a securely attached person to provide. no fighting, no anxiety, no anger, none of it. even when i get triggered and act out, there's no argument. my bullshittery peters out almost immediately.

i don't want to say i'm obsessed with him because i'm definitely not, but god, i love him. i'm in love with him and i feel his love for me. i feel so loved and it's the most incredible thing in the world. he ticks off every single box for everything i didn't even know i wanted or needed in someone. he's teaching me how to genuinely love myself in a way which is healthy not just for me but also other people. he's fixing my universe and i don't think he even knows it.

and that doesn't mean i'm completely reliant on him for my healing, because i was still going strong well before i got with him, but he's seriously expediting it. i feel like when people are traumatized, they end up spending time with other traumatized people. with others who are mentally ill. and the community is nice, but i think we forget just how much someone who hasn't gone through what we have can help us process everything.

i love both of my partners so much. they both have such different yet such incredibly amazing and important roles in my life and i genuinely don't know where i'd be without either of them. i hope they will stay by my side forever, and me by theirs. what a blessing they are not just to me, but to everyone whose lives they are able to touch.

one helps me learn what i still need to work on, and the other helps me learn how i should work on it and how to accept where i am. they somehow manage to be polar opposites, two sides of a coin, and yet they both complete me. even despite everything going on with me, with the world, i just feel so good and whole. i feel so lucky and i know they feel lucky too.

i think little me would be overjoyed.

[ina-nis]

You can’t self-love yourself out of loneliness.

Loneliness is not, in fact, a sign that we need more of ourselves. It’s a sign that we want more connection with other human beings (...) You can have all the love for yourself in the world and still have the desire to be in a healthy partnership with another human being.

(...) Even people in relationships are capable of feeling loneliness. During my marriage, I was heartrendingly lonely. It was an excruciating experience to be inside a relationship where I was barely even acknowledged on a daily basis. When I would tell friends how I felt, they would understand that loneliness indicated a desire for more connection within my relationship. I would be given advice about how to better connect, not told to go love myself more.

But when a single person expresses loneliness, everyone is quick to say we just need more self-love or more hobbies and interests — not more human connection. The struggle is real. So is the judgment.

I’m not referring here to codependent individuals incapable of being single or people who hop from relationship to relationship rather than taking time for themselves. I’m talking about those of us who’ve lived the single life but also ache for someone to share our lives. The fact that we want that doesn’t make us any less self-loving than anyone else.

Love, like everything else, is a resource. I believe it is a renewable one based on how many times I’ve had my heart shattered, mended, and still managed to love again. But when we spend much of the time giving out love and being the only one to give it back to ourselves, we can begin to feel depleted. It doesn’t replenish in the same way as it does people who are experiencing reciprocated love.

Our self-love alone doesn’t replace wanting companionship or community. Platonic and familial love doesn’t cancel out the desire for romantic love either. 

(...) When we realize that we want to connect more with others and reach out to express how we feel, we don’t really need to be told to go on our way and love ourselves better. It’s not helpful, and it’s not kind. It encourages shame and makes it less likely we’ll reach out again.

That sense of loneliness could mean that we learn new ways to connect with ourselves, but it likely will also require that we figure out other ways of sourcing that connection outside of ourselves. We aren’t meant to be islands. It’s natural to want to share the ups and downs of our lives with others.

(...) We don’t need to be afraid to say we’re lonely lest we get hit with a million entreaties to love ourselves more. In fact, speaking up about it just might make someone else feel a little less alone. We aren’t lonely exclusively because we’re single, or I wouldn’t have spent most of my marriage feeling that way. More self-love isn’t the answer. More connection is.

My self-love is strong, but this year, I am lonely. Both things can be true. I don’t need to pour more love into myself. I just want more connection.

I would love to see the conversation around loneliness change so that those of us who aren’t living with our partners can speak up about how we feel without the weight of the toxic positivity world hitting us with “love yourself more” to instantly invalidate our desire for connectivity or intimacy. (x)

Loneliness is not necessarily a product of low self-esteem - although being lonely do contribute to a poor self-image and sense of self. Self-love, self-care, self-esteem... none of these are going to bridge your world to other people’s. They bridge your world to your own, which is always a good thing.

The more connected you feel to yourself, the more grounded, the more resilient, and more prepared you are to deal with hardships and stress. That still doesn’t translate into any external connection necessarily.

Loneliness is a feeling, not a disease, not pain itself, not the thing that needs “fixing”. Maybe it’s better to see it on the realm of emotions and as such, emotional dysregulation should apply to loneliness as well.

Coping strategies are everywhere: self-love/care, pets, plants, exercise, hobbies, volunteering, meetups, and so on. They come with the assumption that, as with any skill, the more you practice, the better you get at it and the result is that, eventually, you will/should start feeling less lonely. The emotion becomes more manageable because you’re able to regulate it better. In theory.

In practice, when you take AvPD into account, “loneliness” is a very specific emotion. There’s very specific needs, that might vary from person to person, but the foundation is similar: lonely from disconnection, or/and from feeling alienated, or/and due to fear of rejection, or/and due to fear of humiliation, or/and due to fear of embarrassment, etc.

For some, it’s a matter of developing better social skills and treating anxiety disorders; for a few others, it goes deeper than that, and none of the coping strategies will work, because they do not address loneliness in the way it has to be addressed for some people suffering with AvPD. The strategies, instead, become crutches and distractions, without any real, long-term “regulation” and remission of symptoms.

What is loneliness really?

Loneliness corresponds to a discrepancy between an individual’s preferred and actual social relations (...) This discrepancy then leads to the negative experience of feeling alone and/or the distress and dysphoria of feeling socially isolated even when among family or friends (...) This definition underscores the fact that feeling alone or lonely does not necessarily mean being alone nor does being alone necessarily mean feeling alone (...) One can feel lonely in the crowd or in a marriage (...) Reciprocally, one may enjoy being alone (...) at times in order to reach personal growth experiences (such as those achieved through solitary meditation or mindfulness exercises) or to simply take a temporary break from dealing with the demands of modern life.

Loneliness emphasizes the fact that social species require not simply the presence of others but also the presence of significant others whom they can trust, who give them a goal in life, and with whom they can plan, interact, and work together to survive and prosper (...). Moreover, the physical presence of significant others in one’s social environment is not a sufficient condition. One needs to feel connected to significant others to not feel lonely. Accordingly, one can be temporarily alone and not feel lonely as they feel highly connected with their spouse, family, and/or friends—even at a distance. (...) Although this crucial component of loneliness helps better differentiate subjective social isolation (loneliness) from objective social isolation, it has led occasionally to a conflation of loneliness and other dysphoric states (e.g., social anxiety, depression) in which a person’s subjective experiencing of their social environment also plays a crucial role.

(...) There is now considerable evidence showing that loneliness and depression are separable and that loneliness increases the risk for depression (...) a potential difference between loneliness and depression was that although both are filled with helplessness and pain, loneliness is characterized by the hope that all would be perfect if only the lonely person could be united with another longed-for person. (x)

Loneliness is multifaceted.

Loneliness is a complex construct that includes three related facets or dimensions: (a) intimate loneliness, (b) relational loneliness, and (c) collective loneliness (...) These three dimensions match the three dimensions surrounding one’s attentional space (...): intimate space (the closest space surrounding a person), social space (the space in which people feel comfortable interacting with family and acquaintances), and the public space (a more anonymous space) (...)

Intimate loneliness

or (...) emotional loneliness, refers to the perceived absence of a significant someone (e.g., a spouse)—that is, a person one can rely on for emotional support during crises, who provides mutual assistance, and who affirms one’s value as a person. This form of intimate connection often has considerable self–other overlap (such as that observed between close friends; e.g., husband–wife, best friends...). This dimension corresponds to (...) the inner core, which can include up to five people (the “support clique”) (...)

A population-based study of middle-age and older adults showed that the best (negative) predictor of intimate loneliness was marital status, indicating that intimate partners tend to be a primary source of attachment, emotional connection, and emotional support for adults (...) These results are consistent with several studies indicating that having a significant partner/spouse is associated with lower levels of intimate loneliness and, reciprocally, that losing a partner (through divorce or widowhood) is linked to greater intimate loneliness (...)

Relational loneliness

or (...) social loneliness. It refers to the perceived presence/absence of quality friendships or family connections—that is, connections from the “sympathy group” (...) within one’s relational space (...) the “sympathy group” can include among 15 and 50 people and comprises core social partners whom we see regularly and from whom we can obtain high-cost instrumental support (e.g. loans, help with projects, child care...).

The relational space is delimitated by the multimodal (visual, auditory, and tactile) space that permits face-to-face communications and interactions (...) The best (negative) predictor of relational loneliness in middle-aged and older adults is the frequency of contact with significant friends and family, even after statistically controlling for the other two dimensions of loneliness (...) Nevertheless, it is not the quantity of friends, but the quality of significant friends/confidants that counts (...) This point is crucial when diagnosing loneliness.

Collective loneliness

(...) refers to a person’s valued social identities or “active network” (e.g., group, school, team, or national identity) wherein an individual can connect to similar others at a distance in the collective space. As such, this dimension may correspond (...) the outermost social layer, which can include among 150 and 1,500 people (the “active network”) who can provide information through weak ties (...) as well as low-cost support (...) The best (negative) predictor of collective loneliness found in middle-age and older adults was the number of voluntary groups to which individuals belonged: The more voluntary associations to which individuals belonged, the lower their collective loneliness (x)

How do the different dimensions of loneliness apply to AvPD?

Perhaps, the outermost layers, collective and social loneliness, could be more closely related to anxieties, due to their size and impact: having little or no sense of a social identity (not knowing where you belong), makes it harder to even step outside and be in spaces with other people - feeling a constant sense of alienation, sometimes even paranoia; poor social skills that become even more dysfunctional, the longer social isolation goes; feeling stuck in a loop, either completely friendless, or with friends but feeling constant fear of rejection/humiliation/embarrassment in these relationships which end up either pushing people away or pulling away from people (or both).

For the innermost layer, maybe lies the issue with existential loneliness in people with good interpersonal skills and regulated anxiety. Maybe they excel in having an active network (therefore, don’t suffer from collective loneliness), and they might have (or not) quality friendships and other connections (therefore, might not suffer from social loneliness), but they do suffer from emotional loneliness from lack of closer, deeper relationships.

Regarding “treatments” for loneliness itself...

(...) Such interventions include one-on-one interventions (e.g., befriending... or mentoring...), group therapy (e.g., groups of lonely people), and wider community interventions (e.g., community events reaching out to a lonely person/s...). Most of them have been based on the intuitive understanding of loneliness. For instance, a first model has been to provide social support to lonely individuals (...)

A second model has been to increase opportunities for social interaction. But, as noted above, a large number of contacts is not equivalent to high quality relationships (...). Effects of our own mentation (what we think, what we perceive) involves both conscious and nonconscious mechanisms. Even if lonely individuals want to connect, their nonconscious hyper-vigilance for social threat can lead them to be negative with or withdraw from others.

A third model to reduce loneliness is based on teaching lonely people to master social skills. For unfortunate individuals who lack social skills, this may be effective, but people are lonely for many reasons other than poor social skills. Experimental research in which loneliness was manipulated shows that most adults have at least minimal social skills, but these adults are more likely to call upon these social skills when they feel low rather than high in loneliness (...)

(...) Twenty studies met the criteria for randomized group comparison design, and all four primary types of interventions known to reduce loneliness were present in this group. These four primary types of intervention programs were (a) those that increased opportunities for social contact (e.g., social recreation intervention), (b) those that enhanced social support (e.g., through mentoring programs, buddy-care program, conference calls), (c) those that focused on social skills (e.g., speaking on the phone, giving and receiving compliments, enhancing nonverbal communication skills), and (d) those that addressed maladaptive social cognition (e.g., cognitive behavioral therapy; CBT). Among these four types, interventions designed to address maladaptive social cognition were associated with the largest effect size (...)

(...) Interventions designed to enhance social support produced a significant but small reduction in loneliness (...), whereas interventions to increase opportunities for social interaction (...) and interventions to improve social skills (...) were not found to be effective in lowering loneliness. These findings reinforce the notion that interpersonal contact or communication per se is not sufficient to address chronic loneliness in the general population.

(...) lonely individuals typically do not voluntarily become lonely; rather, they “find themselves” on one edge of the continuum of social connections (...) feeling desperately isolated (...). The perception that one is socially on the edge and isolated from others increases the motive for self-preservation. This, then, increases the motivation to connect with others but also increases an implicit hyper-vigilance for social threats, which then can introduce attentional, confirmatory, and memory biases. Given the effects of attention and expectation on anticipated social interactions, behavioral confirmation processes then can incline an individual who feels isolated to have or to place more import on negative social interactions, which if unchecked can reinforce withdrawal, negativity, and feelings of loneliness (...) This model points to a number of sources of dysfunctional and irrational beliefs, false expectations and attributions, and self-defeating thoughts and interpersonal interactions on which interventions might be designed to operate. For instance, the attentional, confirmatory, and memory biases could be targeted by training in perspective taking, empathy, and identifying automatic negative thoughts about others and about social interactions and in regarding these negative thoughts as possibly faulty hypotheses that need to be verified, whereas faulty behavioral confirmation processes could be targeted by training in mindfulness (...) and capitalization (sharing good times...).

In sum, a primary criterion for empirically supported therapies is that they demonstrate efficacy in randomized controlled studies. Although more research is needed, the meta-analysis suggests that interventions designed to modify maladaptive social cognition may be especially worth pursuing. Such interventions can be expensive and time consuming, and the client’s lack of openness to changing their thoughts about and interactions with others can be an obstacle to effective treatment. It is possible that these interventions may be more effective (or effective for a greater proportion of individuals) if augmented initially by an appropriate pharmacologic treatment. (x)

Treatment for loneliness, as with most treatments for mental illnesses, turn inwards. As if it was all a matter of “perception” and “behaviours”, all a matter of biases, and so on. All a problem of the lonely individual.

So, you’re left with “antidepressants”, “CBT” and “group support”, to summarize. The first two might not work for people who can’t tolerate medication, and who have a trauma background (which can be made worse by that kind of therapy); and the latter might not be useful for someone who doesn’t suffer from social anxiety or lack of social skills, or someone who doesn’t deal with collective nor social loneliness. It works for the majority of people, supposedly, but if it doesn’t work for you...

...The cycle continues. Even if you turn to selflessness, even if you turn to self-love, the fact that doesn’t change is that, in the matters of existential loneliness, in the matters of emotional loneliness, everything is a little too superficial. Changing thoughts or behaviours don’t change other people’s actions (or lack of thereof), there’s still no beginnings, or whenever there is a start to something, there is also an ending - confirming the tragedy of loneliness. The connection, the togetherness is but a finite experience. You should get your “fill” from various connections throughout the time... but that can also wear you thin, until you burn out.

The only way to change that is by acquiring strong connections elsewhere - it cannot be internal, the problem is not the Self - and it’s very hard to even seek out other people when the sole action of socializing feels so exhausting and pointless.

It’s not that other people are out to get you, it’s not that you’ll embarrass yourself, it’s not that “dysfunctional and irrational beliefs, false expectations and attributions, and self-defeating thoughts" are 100% the culprits in this issue. These can be worked through in therapy and with a lot of inner work.

It’s the lack of good, positive feedback (to reinforce and strengthen changes), it’s the lack of social connection (not because one isn’t trying to connect but because connections remain superficial, there’s quantity but the quality isn’t reassuring/safe enough), it’s the lack of a deeper connection (because it requires vulnerability, reciprocity and commitment, which are things that most people don’t seem like wanting to bother with when there’s less strenuous/demanding alternatives).

It’s not because there is bad, it’s the absence of good that’s the problem.

[ourimpavidheroine]

hi! i read all of your fanfics over and over (i love the Hua, Keldena and Goba scenario) and have reread I Do Not Ask The Night For Explanations roughly 12 times, and i look forward to reading it another 12 times! your OC creation is wonderful, i can peruse through it like a library and fix on something to cheer me up, steady me, or make me laugh. it is a feast. which is why it feels a little rude to ask, though i will do so nonetheless, will we ever hear more from Meelo? i would be fascinated by how you would write his state of mind, his relationship to Bumi, him eventually meeting his wife, him assuming eventual leadership of the Southern Air Temple, the list goes on! it feels, dare I say, like a mini-saga akin to Ikki's journey. now that i've sufficiently stuck my oar in, i wanted to say thank you for all that you've created. i will carry your works and the influence they have had on me for the rest of my life. thank you.

Anon, let me just tell you that right now I am desperately trying to deal with my flat of 20 years because there was a leak in the pipes (not my fault) and there needs to be extensive repair work and we cannot be here when it happens so I am trying to pack, engage movers and find a new place during Christmas and it's been a very trying time. So to come here and see this message made my heart, like the Grinch's, swell out of my chest. Thank you so so so much for taking the time to come and write these lovely, encouraging words. You were exactly what I needed right now.

Now then! It's not at all rude to ask about a particular character! I have so many stories in my head and I never mind answering when I can.

I certainly do want to write more about Meelo. I have a lot (a LOT) of feelings and thoughts about the massive PTSD that this little boy must have suffered. This kid, from the age of 5-9 goes through some really horrific shit - Amon, The Red Lotus, Kuvira. Rohan was too young to go through it, Ikki has her own brand of resilience and Jinora is older and has a greater depth of maturity and understanding than the rest of her siblings. Which leaves us with angry little Meelo - and that's canon. We already see that in the show. Man, that kid has some serious PTSD.

I would love to tell his story; how he eventually relocates to the Southern Air Temple for good, how he marries Dolma and together they have two sons as well as create a school for the Deaf there, how he takes on trying to revitalize and rehabilitate what's left of the Air/Sky Bison population, how he continues to paint and draw and eventually travels to the various temples, re-creating murals and repairing a lot of the artwork that has aged. (He'll also be the one assisting Baatar when he takes on re-creating the Air Nomad door mechanisms.)

How much he loves and cares for his Uncle Bumi. How he never stops feeling like he was a disappointment to his father (much as his father felt with his own father). He'll never be a diplomat - that's Kai, and after him, Ikki's daughter Bhuti - but his voice is, as always, strong and proud and he'll always stand firm for the rights of the Air Nation to live in their traditional ways. Because Meelo is very proud to be an Airbender. He's just got to work past all of that fear and anger that's leftover from when he was small first.

One of the things I loved about Tenzin as a character is that you see so much of his mother in him - he's an Airbender, yes, and the last one, and clearly Aang spent so much more time with him than with his siblings. That's canon. But he was raised by a Waterbender - the last Southern Water Tribe Waterbender, in fact - and we see so much of Katara's passion and compassion in her son. We see how deeply Tenzin loves his family, which wasn't an Air Nomad thing at all! They raised the boys and girls separately and they were raised communally, not with parents. Tenzin gets all of that from Katara, and I believe, in turn, it will be Meelo who has the most Watertribe in him, something I think we see in canon as well. Meelo is never the leaf, not really. He feels too much, he holds on too much, he's never able to really detach himself, much like his father. And if I had nothing else to do than write I would genuinely love to write more about Meelo, because (as I think is obvious) I think about him a lot. But I don't think I could manage a few casual references to him in order to really do him justice. He'd need his own novel, really, just like Ikki did.

That doesn't mean I won't ever write about him! But I'm not sure how to do it in this kind of shorter format that is all I'm able to manage nowadays (and I haven't written in ages, the pandemic's been a disaster for me, mental health-wise, I am genuinely sorry to say).

I am so glad the stories and characters have resonated with you. That is all I ever hoped for when I wrote them; to tell a good story that readers would care about and remember. Thank you again for letting me know.

[cindyclaireb]

My Innovation Mindset: How Much Is It?

"Hold the vision. Trust the process."

Introduction to BII 🌟

The Sutardja Center for Entrepreneurship & Technology (SCET) at UC Berkeley is home to the Berkeley Innovation Index (BII). The BII was created by experts in the field to provide straightforward yet effective methods to measure a person's degree of innovative mindset level, as determined by characteristics associated with their capacity for innovation.

My Personal Innovation Mindset Level💫

As someone who occasionally takes a lot of personality tests for fun in my free time, I am not really familiar with the BII test. But I do think it’s a unique yet useful idea to have a tool that assesses one’s innovative mindset level for personal growth and career advancement. I got a 62.04 out of 100, which is low but it is accurate in a way. I do have room for improvement, since my innovation mindset is not fixed according to the website.

Trust (49.33%)

According to the website, trust is necessary to increase the speed of communication and feedback for new ideas. And yes, I do agree with that. I think that trust in yourself and in your colleagues are deeply important to make sure things run smoothly and so that the business lasts. The percentage that I got in this area was lower than I expected, but that’s also because of the questions that I got to calculate this trait. In my opinion, the questions were really vague, such as ‘most people can be trusted’ and ‘I trust other people’. But I understand that it is done on purpose and that I should answer it in a general sense, but the amount of trust that I would have for someone entirely depends on the person and the situation at hand.

Resilience (67.5%)

Resilience is important to persevere over failures. Resilient people view setbacks as learning opportunities instead of personal failures. I do believe that resilience is such a strong trait to have because having that strong mindset of getting back up and trying again instead of giving up will eventually pay off for you. Even if you fail and unexpectedly change course, as long as you never stop chasing your goals, you will find success. This is a trait that I really want to build for myself for those reasons, as I used to (and still do) get frustrated and give up sometimes when things don’t go the way I wanted them to.

Diversity (50.0%)

Diversity of backgrounds and perspectives is an important source of value.  To attain this value, a person needs to be able to lower their social barriers to exchange information with people with different backgrounds. I personally think that my score on this area was lower than I thought, since I do like to keep an open mind and welcome any and all perspectives. But since I tend to keep to myself and shy away from people I don’t know that well, that might have influenced my score. But because of this test, I will now keep this in mind, since hearing about people different from you is just as important as people you are similar to.

Belief (76.0%)

Belief in one's own ideas and abilities is necessary to influence others and find motivation to overcome obstacles. This is incredibly important if one wants to have an innovative mindset because goals do not become a reality unless you believe that you can reach it. Even if no one else feels that about you, believing in yourself is still a powerful motivator. Honestly, my score is higher than I expected since it does take me a while to find that strength to overcome tough challenges. But when I take the time to look back at what I managed to achieve and if I focus on my end goal, then I do start to believe in myself.

Allocation (75.0%)

Allocation is your ability to know when to focus on perfection and when to allow certain tasks to be adequate or good enough in order to have an optimal balance of resources. I do believe that I have a good understanding on what to focus my energy on. After careful consideration, I know when to put a lot of effort into something and when to finish something quickly in order to do another task or do things that I wanted to do. Yes, I do get careless and waste time, but I always get to learn from that and carry on.

Collaboration (77.5%)

Collaboration allows innovation to increase the sharing of information and in managing unproductive conflict. Even though I usually prefer to work alone, I recognize how important and fun collaborating is with the right people. Especially when you start and run a business, it is valuable to have harmony within your team, to have different strengths and perspectives, and to have an effective leader to manage everyone. 

Comfort Zone (55.0%)

Having a wide comfort zone is correlated with a growth mindset, and is necessary for a person to grow, adapt, and innovate. Every person starts with a smaller comfort zone that is familiar to them, like family, home, and close friends. We initially stick to what we know and what feels safe. But as we grow and take on more opportunities, we step out of our comfort zone and it widens when new things become more familiar to us. I personally have a habit of having an instinct to stick to only what I know and what I consider safe. But day by day, I try to become more uncomfortable and try things that are scary to me because the hardship of trying something new does outweigh the feeling of being stuck to what you know.

Innovation Zone (46.0%)

An Innovation Zone is an interest level and motivation for innovation and entrepreneurship. My score is relatively low here because I don’t really see myself as being an innovator or entrepreneur yet. For now, I see myself finding fulfillment in learning things that I wanted to be good at,  working in a team, or even finding a stable job someday. But I do believe having that knowledge surrounding that is important to learn because that is valuable information that can be used someday.

Final Thoughts ✨

What I gathered from taking this test is that these notable traits that were individually assessed on me are examples of what it takes to have an innovative mindset. It made me recognize aspects of myself that I did not really consider and it inspired me to be the best version of myself. Though it was short and not 100% accurate, the test still did a good job in asking the most important question for each trait and assessing me.

My innovation mindset is not yet fixed, which is reasonable not only because I still have time and more opportunities to grow, but also because it’s perfectly valid to pursue a path that aligns to my own values and what I want in life. The world is a diverse place and everyone always has something to contribute in their own way—what’s important is that you live the life the way you want to and to find your own version of success.

[writerisbloque]

The Harpy: A Conversation

The following is dialogue that was very early into the harpy's creation. The idea of her being a character added to the Inquisition's inmer circle. Party Banter that was not added to the fix itself.

“Solas, I must speak with you.”

“Of course, what is it, falon?”

“I have an idea. To help the Inquisition. My people.”

“This sounds important. Have you put much thought into it.”

“Yes, friend. I trust you, and seek your advice and support.”

“Very well then. Shall we speak in a more private place, I believe we can go out for some air.”

“Ah, yes, thank you.”

“Now, from what you have told me your people are isolationists.”

“Yes, but I feel it is time for change. For eons we have lived in the shadows watching as the world has been fought for by others. The Elvhen, the Qunari, the dwarves, and the humans. We have let the world gone by without us. The Grand Elder says it’s for security and safety. We see what exposure has done. Enslavement, discrimination, hate; for those who don’t look like you, think like you, and live like you. The Grand Elder may be right, but Thedas is our home too. What is the point of safety and security if there is no world. The breach, the blights...Solas. The world is ending, I feel that my people have a duty to our Giver. We have been in this world far longer than most. It is time we step out of the shadows.”

“...I see that you have given this much deliberation.”

“Yes, friend.”

“Do you not think that if this world is saved the others won’t try to rule your people?”

“Why would they?”

“You are a threat. A race of eons living beings that have knowledge and power beyond their ken.”

“We will present ourselves peacefully.”

“Falon, I’m afraid you do not understand. The human race will try to subject you to their views and needs. They will do everything in their power conquer you before you do them. They are afraid of things they do not understand, such as mages and their magic!”

“But diplomacy can prevail. We will have agreements, we come to help and return to our solitude once the breach and all threats are gone!”

“Perhaps, you had not comprehended all those lessons and history books we went over.”

“On the contrary, Solas, I learned quite a lot, enough to avoid the mistakes your People made.”

“What do you know of my People?”

“They are at their lost because of one’s damned mistake.”

“And what would you know about that, you were to paranoid and afraid to even venture out of your safe little domain. Too afraid to explore the world around you! Too scared to change! You’re people are weak, ignorante and uncivilized! You’re lucky enough to be even considered cultured before us today! You know nothing of the Elvhen! Nothing! So do not try to educate me of my mistake!”

“Perhaps...I was wrong to trust a narrow minded, prideful, creature like you. I apologize for wasting your time, Ser Solas. I bid you good day.”

[Break in scene: Dorian to Solas]

“Solas, have you seen the harpy girl? I have a few questions to ask her.”

“If you do not mind I am in the middle of reading, Ser Dorian. I do not wish to be bothered.”

“Ah, temper temper. What’s with the face, trouble in paradise?”

“Pardon?”

“Well, you and the harpy seem quite close.”

“I was teaching her of Thedas, nothing more.”

“Ah, then perhaps those physical inspections were just purely for study?”

“If you are implying that my relationship with that beast is more than simply professional you are sorely mistaken. I would never touch a creature like that otherwise.”

“My. Strong words from the very creature that begged for her to be saved.”

“For knowledge. This is an undiscovered species, who would pass up the knowledge?”

“Yes, but then you discovered she was intelligent, capable of communication and emotion. She was self-aware…undiscovered race”

“May I please return to my work?”

“Very well then, I’ll find her myself. Perhaps she's snuggled up with the Iron Bull, you know like beasts stick together.”

[Break in scene: Varric to the Harpy]

“What's wrong, birdie, why are you up there for?”

“Salking...I think is what the word is. I am upset.”

“Sulking. And what’s got you upset, a pretty bird like you should be flying around singing, no?”

“Caged birds don’t sing.”

“Ah, well, I don’t see a cage.”

“It’s a big cage and my wings…”

“Hm, well you see it as a cage, I see this a safe place. A fort? Home?”

“Home is where my people are. There it is safe.”

“Do you not feel safe here?”

“I-”

“You do know you have people that like you here, right birdie?”

“That’s-”

“Some would even go so far to protect you from danger.”

“Alright...this is a safe cage...fort. But I am still sulking.”

“That’s just alright, everyone sulks every once in while. You know, the inquisitor gets sulky too when he’s tired.”

“The Inquisitor has reason...he has a great responsibility, not many can help him completely, but I want to help.”

“Careful there, birdie, you are sounding like Cole. Now, is that what all this sulking is about, because you can’t help?”

“I tired asking, my friend for advice, but instead of advising me he shut me down. My feelings are hurt, my impression of him has changed. He can be mean spirited sometimes.”

“Aaah, so Chuckles. Well what did he say, maybe I can talk to him.”

“That will not be necessary, it is a conflict between him and I. I would like to fix it in time on my own...but he called my weak...ignorant...uncivilized beast.”

“Shit, something must have really upset him. What did you say?”

“I had the idea of having my people help in the Inquisition. He disagreed.”

“Aren’t your people isolationist?”

“Yes, but what is the point of protect ourselves from the world if there is no world to be protected from?”

“A good point. Hm, it’s ultimately up to you and your people, Birdie. Chuckles may have just be scared what your people will go through if you come out.”

“Enslaved.”

“Unfortunately.”

“It still does not give him the right to call me an uncivilized beast. Just because our cultures our different, my people are self aware and civilized, we are no more beasts than those that kill for necessity.”

“Also a good point. Try talking to him, when you feel ready, of course. In the meantime, why don’t you look around your ‘cage’ a bit. You’re always held up in the rotunda, I’m surprised you haven’t gotten cabin fever.”

“Thank you, ser varric. I really do appreciate your companionship.”

“Not a problem, Birdie, just keep chirping happily, we need you like that.”

[Break in scene: The Iron Bull to The Harpy]

“You said your people are strict, right?”

“Similar to yours, more introverted.”

“Hm, you know, the Qun has heard rumors of winged people for ages now.”

“Perhaps, we have scattered tribes.”

“Anyone up in Par Vollen?”

“Yes, very small tribe, they have delicious fruit harvests.”

“The fruits? Do you trade amongst your people?”

“Occasionally, a few of my people are Curriors, they are the ones that can manage such long flights across the lands and waters to meet the other tribes, keep communication and trade.”

“So each Pulumin is different?”

“We have adapted for eons. Breeding and mating are two different things among my people. We breed to advance and adapt ourselves, we mate to be with our loved once, anyone can mate with anyone. Breeding will be determined by a Muur. They can assign breeds to give birth to a hybrid of both types.”

“Example?”

“A naturally talented Pulumin can have the ability to see better at night than most. Another may have the ability to fly long distance such as a Currior. The Muur would assign these two to breed. The offspring would be able to travel long distances at night. A feat that is helpful for urgent communications and to keep out of site of the world.”

“That is impressive. Your people are quite advanced.”

“Not as much as yours, but thank you.”

“So, did you ever breed or mate with anyone?”

“I have bred a few times, but I have not found my mate yet.”

“Oh, is mating a one time thing.”

“No, one may have mated once, perhaps their mate passed or they fell out of affection, a mated couple can simply break the bond. However, the intimacy of mating is something so very intricate that it is best to find the perfect mate, so that such a bond would last long and happily for the time that we live.”

“So you still wait for your mate?”

“Yes...but in all honesty, I feel I will never mate before I pass.”

“Why do you believe so?”

“The world is ending is it not?”

[Break in scene: Inquistor to Solas. This is the beginning of The Harpy's 'loyalty quest of sorts in game']

“What do you mean It is gone?”

“W-We’ve looked everywhere for the creature, your worship, no sign of it anywhere.”

“We had the wings clipped, it couldn’t have gotten far, have a search party ready, around the perimeter. Go.”

“Right away, your worship.”

“Have Solas come to me. He was the one to tame that thing. He might have something to do with it.”

“Gone?”

“Yes, do you have anything to do with it?”

“No, Inquisitor, I have been working here in the rotunda for the past few days. Research on the Astrarium, just as you ordered.”

“When was the last time you saw the animal?”

“I saw her three days ago. We discuss-”

“Ah, right you say it speaks intelligently.”

“She does. She is capable of speech, Inquisitor.”

“Yet it acts like a beast, incapable of being civilized, now when did you last see it?”

“Inquisitor, I have not seen her in three days, now pardon me while i return to my work.”

“You are in thin ice, Solas. You better not have let that thing free. To our luck it might have died trying to escape.”

-This is continued elsewhere-

[spoiled-bracket]

古見さんは、コミュ症です (Komi Can’t Communicate) - manga version

Komi is, by consensus, the most SSS rank pretty girl in school. Never talks though. People are totally into it though? She's the school's idol. Not talking is part of that brand. But as it turns out, she's not talking because really painfully shy and cannot talk to others. All Komi wants is friends, but... Komi Can't Communicate.

Is it good?

I mean it was alright. The art was pretty good, I liked the general direction. Sometimes the panels were a little hard to follow and the print density got a bit tight for my tastes but overall nice.

The general concept is not bad.

Our expectations of other people, our perceptions of them, shape reality. Komi has acute social anxiety, and her behavior reinforces what other people already believe. She is a walking reality distortion field. Which just makes it all worse for her, because people are too intimidated to treat her normally.

Tadano Hito on the other hand is not amazing or placed on any pedestal, but by chance he figures out what’s up with Komi and makes it his new life’s work to cure her of her anxiety.

Asides from I'm not a huge fan of "here's a girl with a problem, sure do wish we had somebody male enough to fix it for her!", I thought maybe the story would work out. But, at least in my reading, it started to feel strained pretty early on. It wasn’t that the jokes were bad but they felt quite repetitive in a way that made me feel I was just reading the same gag over and over. Maybe that’s not terrible I’d you’re into this joke but I just found it a bit too drawn out. When you can see the punchline coming a mile off, it doesn’t make sense to draw out the delivery for so long.

And there are a lot of volumes of this.

That, and the general tone of the jokes didn’t quite vibe with me. I got the impression that if you really enjoyed the first few gags you’d probably be glad for a whole book of it, but not for me, thanks.

That aside, there were admittedly some straight up brilliant scenes. Tadano standing in front of the blackboard while Komi writes down all her anxieties. That feeling of him realizing just how affected she is. It’s just brilliant. But I wanted the author to subvert my expectations a little more, and that didn't quite seem to happen. Maybe it does happen a few more volumes in, but that's too much commitment to ask from me. The text was already dense enough that reading this in Japanese was a slog.

Other points of interest, I realized at some point that the art style in this comic changes pretty radically about 10 or so volumes in. Not in a I-am-getting-better-at-my-craft way, because Oda already starts the series out as an amazing artist. It's more like they gradually change their idea of what it should look like. And again, that might be OK with you, but it left me feeling a little wishy-washy about the whole thing.

Reading more?

I kind of want to... But nah, not for me.

Unless I get a really strong recommendation or endorsement for the rest of the manga, I have other things I want to get through. There was a Netflix adaptation, and I kind of want to see what that's like, but again, there are only so many hours in the day I can devote to this.

[whyispotatoheadalreadytaken]

So, living with Mattie has been fine.

It made me nervous and anxious the closer we got to her moving in because I worried we would hate each other by the end. It’s always a vulnerable process of inviting someone into your space. The first couple of weeks were mostly fine, but some moments have made me tilt my head a little. The first moment was when I found that Jimbob had taken one of his sqeakers out of one of his toys. I got it out of his mouth and put it on the table. Later on, I squeaked it, and he came running for his toy. I laughed a little because it was funny!! He was so confused because I didn’t have a toy; I was just playing with him while waiting for Zoë to change so we could go on a walk. Then Mattie looked me right in the eye and said, “I can’t believe you’re gaslighting him into believing you have his toy, hahahahahahahahaha” and I had a very strong reaction to that. And then it was awkward, so I went on a walk. I strongly reacted to that because I have been textbook gaslit my entire childhood. I wasn’t “gaslighting” my dog. I was just playing with him for a minute. It wasn’t a serious thing! But then I started going back and forth in my brain like, “But am I gaslighting him??? Am I a terrible person??? Alright, no playing tricks on my dog because I guess that’s not funny.” But it really bothered me. As a person who has been gaslit and works in this mental health therapy realm, I don’t use the word in everyday life. It is a serious aspect of abusive relationships. So, it really rubbed me the wrong way. No one is perfect, and we all have toxic traits, but I wasn’t actively trying to be shitty to my dog. But who knows, maybe it’s not a good thing. She’s also a social work major, and the fact that she’s so okay with throwing those words around is not great. I hope she figures that out when she starts a real job.

We had all of the gabies (gay babies) for a game night a little while ago and they all kind of talk like that which is concerning to me. It’s a generational thing. We’re swinging too far in the other direction now.

Anyway, so she just recently got a job-finally-so we will see how that goes. It was touch and go there for a minute with her and her spending habits. I tried to be as understanding as possible because I know I was really bad with money when I got out from under my parents roof. It’s hard to not get everything you want when you get that freedom. But she said she would help out will bills and stuff and that has not happened yet. But she’s been able to go to trader joe’s and buy her fancy cheese. Again, just another head tilt thing. And I’m not gonna be that person who is like give me your money because, again, I know what that’s like. It doesn’t feel good. I’m also not going to let her starve, so I’ve been actively feeding her. I’m happy to if she wants to chip in on a portion of groceries each week. It’s easier for us all to have the same thing anyway. With that, she’s gained a weird sleeping schedule cuz she’ll sleep until 1 or 2 and then is up past midnight. Jimbob is still not used to having another person in the house so if he hears ANYTHING he barks like there is an intruder. AND SHE KNOWS THIS AND DOES IT ANYWAY. She be like yeah sorry he keeps barking at me when I go to take a shower (AT ONE IN THE MORNING). Girl, you don’t have any responsibilities, shower in the morning when you aren’t going to wake anyone up!!!! That is common sense to me. So, I’m hoping with this job, that problem will fix itself before we need to have a conversation about it.

            She is young and right out of college and has been homeschooled most of her life and so she doesn’t have a lot of life/people experience. I also think she may be on the spectrum at the lowest level. With Autism, the mental health community is shifting from higher and lower functioning to different levels as to not shame or stigmatize lower-level functioning individuals, which I think is a good thing. The lower-level functioning individuals aren’t disabled, they lack the ability to learn social skills in order to be contributing members of society and hold a job. They are perfectly fine, just out of the realm of what society deems normal. They also aren’t completely incapable of learning these skills, but it takes years and years to teach and for them to understand and follow through with social rules and norms. Anyway, all of that to say, is that I think she would be on the lowest level, which would be the highest functioning autistic individual. Basic social boundaries and ques aren’t something she seems to pick up on. For instance, I went to try to clean my bathroom Sunday night and went out into the kitchen for a lightbulb and she was there and trapped me in conversation about something I don’t remember right now as I was actively getting the lightbulb out of the box while saying things like, “Yeah, I need this lightbulb because I feel like I can’t see anything and I need to be able to see to clean.” And she would respond by saying, “Yeah, that would drive me crazy.” And proceed on with her thing she absolutely needed to tell me. I had also told her I was cool to watch The Hunger Games if I could finish cleaning my bathroom before 9. It was 8:30 at that point and she was still just like not even cognizant of that. I didn’t finish cleaning until about 10 and then Zoë was like yeah we can still watch – as I pierce her with my murder eyes because she knew I had set a boundary and still was like whatever!!! This is fine!!!! I didn’t sleep until after midnight. I don’t know if you remember this about me but I turn into a monster without sleep. I become irate, angry, and have zero fuse. Getting sleep is really important to me probably because I’ve struggled with sleep what feels like my entire life. And Zoë has consistently trampled on my ability to sleep for nearly 10 years now. Love that for me. Another reason I am so afraid to have children because no sleep is very much so a part of that and I don’t know if I can do it. I’m already not doing it.

Then there was the La La Land night. So, I had made the tweet to rib you a little and mattie saw the tweet. She agreed with me and was like yeah, I wasn’t really about that movie. It was fine. But later on, I don’t remember how this came up but I had mentioned RENT to Mattie who told me she had never seen it. She went to say something about it and stopped and said, “Yeah, I’m not gonna say what I was going to say.”

And I about started throwing hands. I was so upset. I wanted to push back and be like, “Okay, what is it? What is wrong with it? Tell me what is so problematic about this musical that you won’t watch it?” But I was tipsy and knew if I did that then it would go too far. So, I shut up, checked out of the conversation and listened to RENT instead. Then I was messaging you and made a mess of that and I was so upset. I walked briskly into the house, jumped in bed, and started watching La La Land on my phone because Mattie had agreed with me that it was a bad movie. I wasn’t even trying to say it was a bad movie I had just remembered that it made me feel bad. Anyway. I started the movie, which confused Zoë but I wasn’t willing to explain when our walls are so thin. Turns out La La Land is a good movie, but I don’t like it because it’s painful. It’s too real. I had always wanted a movie that had an unhappy ending and then La La Land came around and I couldn’t handle it. I swore I’d never watch it again, but here I was watching it again just to prove a point. Turns out it’s more painful now than ever before! Love that!

            This younger generation has no idea what it was like growing up just 10 years ago as a queer person. They think they know, and they don’t. I didn’t have explicitly gay things like Heartstopper, stranger things, derry girls, Love Simon, atypical, grace and frankie, or even orange is the new black. The last of us wasn’t even gay until I was an adult. All I had was RENT, Tegan and Sara, and Ellen. Everything else was maybe hinted at in things like Fried Green Tomatoes or Frozen. I didn’t have what they have now. I didn’t have Phoebe Bridgers, Julien Baker, Muna, Girl in Red, or any other big-name queer artists. I had I Kissed A Girl, which caused an upheaval in my life then. There were very few openly queer kids in school when I was growing up and zero when I went to college. The only reason Asbury even has a group is because of me and Kevin because I told Kevin that the initial one that Zoë, Jacob, and I had started was harmful because of who was leading it. So, Kevin (my therapist and head of mental health services) started an LGBTQ group that all of those kids get to have to support them now. I’ve never ever fought to receive credit for that. So, excuse me for taking it very personally when you insult things like RENT and Tegan and Sara, insulting the things that quite literally kept me tethered to this earth in a very real way. You don’t get to shit on the people who came before you who made society what it is today. Jonathan Larson didn’t create the masterpiece that is RENT as a form of activism for his LGBTQ friends who were dying all around him, only for him to die at 25, along with his activism for this generation to trample on the path that they paved. If you’re going to trample and invalidate the path they walked, you might as well be spitting on the path I’ve walked. I had no family, I still have no family. Those things were my family. And if I had grown up with all of the things you have today, I’d probably be with the person I was meant to be with. So, yeah, It’s personal. You don’t have to like it, but you don’t get to disrespect it. You don’t have that privilege. So, yeah. It’s been great. I’m not gonna pull the chick-fil-a card on her unless I really have to, but so help me god, I will pull it if it means that you stop riding this high horse as if you’re being a better queer person than me. WHICH IS SO STUPID WHAT DID I EVEN JUST WRITE UGHHH. But yeah, I feel old and like my entire life is completely invalid, so that's nice. I love that feeling.