#because Arthur had never truly had anyone like Merlin in his life | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mysticsublimeperson · 8 months ago

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NUMB pt2

(pt1)

Arthur had noticed something, he didn't quite understand what exactly, and that was frustrating.

Then Merlin cancelled the only date night the had been able to schedule in a month, because of the difference in their work hours, and Merlin spended less and less time with him at work...

So ditching him to go to a club?

Yeah... Arthur was pissed.

But then, "They have notice that I 've been absent, unless you want me to explain where do I spend my free time lately, I better go with them to get them off my back. We wouldn't want anybody knowing your secret right?"

And damn if that didn't hurt.

He knew Merlin wasn't really happy with the arrangement, he knew that he had been crossing the line lately. Going off at work, mostly to throw people off the track, but also to let out some of his frustration. But what could he do?

It was impossible to continue with his life as it was, and have Merlin. He would loose everything, his job, his family, his status, probably the flat too... His father was sure to ruin his life if he gave that step.

But for the life of him, he could not let Merlin go. He will never let him go willingly. Merlin was the happiest he had been in his life. Waking up next to him, he felt at peace, felt understood, felt seen. The way Merlin looked at him, like he meant something extraordinary, made him feel complete.

But then the little doubt creep in, What would happen if Merlin grew tired of this baggage?

No.

What will happen when Merlin grow tired of this situation?

Arthur felt his chest heavy with guilt. It was bound to happen, he knew that, he, himself, had made sure of it. He had enough scape routes in case everything went south, but now he found that Merlin could also use them, and that thought was the scariest of them all.

Merlin went radio silent after that call, and Arthur understood.

Then the next day he could not find him at the company, which was strange but maybe he was avoiding him, and Arthur understood.

He didn't answered any of his calls, or texts, and Arthur understood.

The dread expanding in his belly.

The following day he went to work with a heavy step and a heavier heart.

He knew that this whole circus was his fault, and therefore he had no right to complain or demand anything of Merlin, but that didn't make him feel better.

Merlin was still gone, so he went looking for him. And then Gaius told him that Merlin hadn't gone to work, he was sick, apparently. Gaius didn't know what exact illness but ... "he has been off lately, distant, cold, sad. And with all due respect, that you are keen on humiliating him on public lately hadn't really helped. I imagine it has to do with that. He didn't explain further, just told me he was going on sick leave"

Gaius spoke clearly, and with every word Arthur felt more shame. That dressing down was something he didn't know he needed.

Had he been so awful towards Merlin? Truly?

He bolted, didn't even told anyone, just went.

Went to his flat, and banged on his door, and called his name until the neighbors threatened to call the police.

It was useless.

The last time he spoke to him, he was going to go clubbing with his friends. He knew most of Merlins friends, basically because they were also Arthur's friends. But those friends... he knew them yeah, but he wasn't precisely close, Will, proper hated him, and the girl, Freya, was apprehensive around him, he didn't know why, but he hadn't particularly care up until that moment, he did not have any way of contacting them, not their number saved, not their social media profiles, nothing.

Shit.

The only thing he could remember was where Freya used to work, because Merlin had insisted on buying his coffee there for months just to spend his break catching up with her, at least until they happened.

He went there, his only clue, praying for the girl to be there.

He wasn't lucky, she didn't even had a shift that day. But he had obtained a contact info. He texted her.

And she answered vaguely, not understanding why Merlin's boss was asking for that kind of information. He didn't get much, but the fact that that whole ordeal was orchestrated by Gwaine.

So he went to Gwaine.

He was still hungover, or, more accurately, hungover again. And told him reluctantly that he had tried to get Merlin to relax, because he had been upset as of late. Arthur really ought to pay better attention, everyone had noticed this change in Merlin's behavior, so probably Merlin had been dealing with the burnt of having to lying to everyone.

"We just wanted him to unwind, It was fine... at least I hope so" Arthur's heart stopped at that very moment "What do you mean?" Gwaine was completely unaffected by his murderous tone and stare, and reentered his home trailed by Arthur "I don't know mate, he was having fun, he had been talking to this bloke on the floor, the seemed to have hit it off quite well... that was the last time I saw him, when we didn't heard from him in the morning, well we assumed he'd gotten laid, at least he had fun, but yesterday he told us that It didn't went well, but didn't explain" As he spoke his voice lost it's strength, and the insecurity he must have felt since that message was brought to the surface.

Arthur wanted to scream, to accuse, to point, to break, to do everything at the same time, but how could he? He stopped himself just before he started a shouting match with Gwaine, who was lost in thought in the sofa, because Gwaine was his friend too, and if he had known he wouldn't have done any of that.

His eyes started to sting from the sheer frustration.

Fact 1: Merlin's friends had taken him to a club, so he could cheat on Arthur, not that they knew that.

Fact 2: Merlin had gotten drunk, danced and left the club with another man, Arthur could not grasp how he felt about that just yet.

Fact 3: something went WRONG. WHAT THE HELL WENT WRONG AND WHERE WAS MERLIN? BECAUSE...

Fact 4: Merlin hadn't gone to work in two days, and no one knew where or how he was and the worry in his chest was clouding his mind and shit, he was crying.

He wiped his face quickly with the back of his hand, but couldn't hold back anymore so he struggled a bit saying goodbye to Gwaine and got out of there, didn't listen to whatever Gwaine was saying in the background.

He couldn't tell you how did he find Merlin, just that it was probably illegal and highly unadvised. But by that afternoon he was in front of that hospital door, with mixed feelings, a lot of guilt and one thought.

Hunith opened the door, Hunith was there. His gut twisted in different uncomfortable directions.

"Hunith?"

"Arthur? What are you doing here? Wait, let's talk outside, he finally managed to sleep for a bit" His throat closed off.

"I..He didn't show up at work" It was all he could manage, he could see her eyes harden.

"Yes, well, I am sure you can see he is in no condition to do so, now if you would kindly leave"

"Hunith" he was trembling "Can I see him?" he saw her hesitate.

"He doesn't want to see anyone" she ultimately answered a bit softer.

"What happened?"

"It's not my place to tell Arthur, I need to respect his decision, now more than ever" she said with finality "Look, I'll call you when he changes his mind.."

"IF.. if he changes his mind, you know how he is" he protested "Hunith I just..." he had to stop, before his voice broke "I need to know how he is, I need to see that he is ok"

"I know you are his friend Arthur" Arthur could hear his heart shatter "But this is... He is not ok" she said looking directly at him "He doesn't want to be seen like that, he doesn't want to be judged or pitied. He needs someone by his side right now, someone who would just be there with him, loving him, truly, boldly, despite everything else" Hunith broke down a bit and ran a hand by her hair, talking to him and to herself also "Don't get me wrong Arthur, I know you care for my son, you are a true friend, but you are not what he needs right now. I know the teasing and bantering is your... style, but I am afraid he cannot handle that. I'll call you if he changes his mind, but if not, please do respect his wishes"

She turned around visibly affected and went back into the room. Meanwhile Arthur had his world shaken to the ground.

#fanfic #arthur pendragon #merlin #merthur #merlin x arthur #au #idea #fanfiction #bbc merlin #merlin emrys #whump #modern au #fic prompt #writing promt #merthur prompt #merlin bbc #merthur fanfic #angst #secret relationship

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stopper-my-heart · 7 months ago

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youtube

"Nick/Charlie & Arthur/Merlin (AU Past Lives) – [Taylor Swift's] 'Timeless'" by @imagine-dragonlords

This is a Heartstopper blog and will remain a Heartstopper-only blog 99% of the time.

But this video really hits me hard.

Imagining a hypothetical historical Merlin-and-Arthur trying to be together and the meta level of remembering what it was like with the BBC / world and Merthur as recently as 2012, compared with having Heartstopper on Netflix and Nick & Charlie now.. There's so much further we have to go, but I have a lot of feelings about the progress we've made, too.

Also: "I'd like to think we'd find each other in any universe".

------------

This post was originally going to end there but then I discovered this Merthur fanfic by @queerofthedagger and it's a perfect antidote to the video and goes towards healing my Merthur-broken heart.

The fanfic shows what Merlin and Arthur could've been if they'd had the time and freedom to talk about the things that matter. They become so "Nick & Charlie" in it and it's glorious. Also, Merlin's mum = Sarah Nelson. I think you'll need to have watched and cared about BBC Merlin to appreciate it, but recently isn't necessary (10+ years is fine).

The author has their own summary that you can find on the page, but I think this sums it up very well:

Happiness is bubbling in his chest, his blood singing with it and this, this is what they’re supposed to be. Carving their own way and finding alternate routes to be themselves, without being tied down and crushed underneath some distant destiny* that cares nothing for them.

*or the BBC, society, etc.

Below the jump are content warnings for the fic plus some quotations from it that remind me of Nick & Charlie, which are more for my sake than anyone else's.

CW: violence, murderous intent, 1 non-graphic sex scene (near the beginning of ch. 13, easy to skip)

Quotations:

“You don’t have a weapon,” he says because Merlin might’ve turned him into a lovestruck fool, but he’s never going to stop poking and prodding him to make up for it. Of course, it would be far easier if one symptom of said lovestruck condition wasn’t that it clearly makes him as much of an idiot as Merlin loves to claim he is.

-----------------

“You’re brilliant,” he breathes into the safety of Merlin’s hair, revelling in the way Merlin tightens his grip on him. “It’s brilliant.”

-----------------

“I—yeah no, I’d rather not,” Merlin agrees, though there’s something resigned lurking in the black of his eyes. “I’m—” “If the next word is 'sorry,' Merlin, I advise you to stop right there.”

-----------------

“You’d miss me!” Arthur calls, having to raise his voice for Merlin to hear him over the distance as he’s walking away. He gets a rude hand gesture in response, and he can only be thankful that there’s no one else around to witness the grin splitting his face.

-----------------

“Maybe it is,” he cuts in, shrugging. “But not so much that you have to sacrifice your own happiness for it. You’re—can’t you see how important you are, simply because you’re you? Because of what you mean to me and how you make my life better?" [...] It’s so much more than he meant to say, but he doesn’t regret a single word of it. He would say it a hundred times over if it got Merlin to finally believe it.

AKA Sports Day speech -----------------

The clarity of what, truly, is the root of the problem hits Arthur like a punch. “Gods, you—Merlin. Merlin, you don’t have to make up for it,” he croaks out, his voice cracking and breaking. He shifts closer, pressing his forehead against Merlin’s, and he can feel Merlin’s shallow breathing against his chest. “It’s not a burden, alright? It’s not a burden, and you aren’t a burden, and I will fight anyone who dares to tell you otherwise.”

-----------------

His whole body is singing with it, his skin feeling too small to contain the magnitude of emotions rushing through him, and he has to break the kiss before it overwhelms him entirely.

Insert Nick gasping for dear life breath -----------------

Arthur keeps his eyes closed, their foreheads still pressed together, trying desperately to not unravel at the seams. He’s almost afraid that this is a dream, that he’s going to wake up any second now, with Merlin still close but not like this. Not like Arthur has been craving for aeons.

In which Arthur is also Charlie -----------------

Arthur splutters, though he doubts that it sounds anywhere as indignant as he’d like it to. “How could I not know? If you recall, I was the one who kissed you first, all those months back when we were travelling to Ynys Gybi.” “Yes, and then you never brought it up again.” “Because you never brought it up again. I thought that you simply wanted to forget about it, or that I crossed a line!” Merlin huffs out a laugh, but his eyes are still brimming with affection. “I thought you regretted it,” he says quietly, lips quirked at the corners. “I thought you were just panicking, and that if you had meant it, you would’ve said something.”

A.k.a. conversation in Charlie's bedroom after their first kiss (except it's later on here) -----------------

Hunith takes one look at them the next morning before she smirks. “Finally figured it out, did you?” Arthur promptly chokes on his food, coughing and spluttering as his face grows warm. Merlin isn’t much better off, even the tips of his ears turning red, though at least he’s spared the coughing fit.

In which Hunith continues to be Sarah Nelson (or the Sarah Nelson Charlie expects, anyway) -----------------

Snow starts falling in big flakes about an hour in, and Arthur didn’t count on how much of a distraction it would be. It catches in Merlin’s hair and his lashes, a stark contrast to the black of it, and his eyes appear even brighter than usual. It’s a struggle to not drag him off and kiss the crystals of ice off his face, and Arthur can’t remember when he’s become such a terrible, utter sap. That is, until he steps out of Hunith’s house after lunch, just about warmed up from the thick stew she made, and a snowball hits him straight in the face.

If Nick & Charlie's Snow Day came slightly later. Or maybe this is just the same -----------------

#I don't want to spam-tag but: trans rights are human rights #and intersex rights are human rights #and aromantic and asexual people exist and are valid #We are all valid #LGBTQIA+#Pride #Merthur #BBC Merlin #Nick & Charlie #Heartstopper #Alice Oseman #Merlin x Arthur #Nick x Charlie #Heartstopper Netflix #crossover

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yourlocalcoffeeenthusiast · 1 year ago

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I don't think Merlin ever stopped thinking of himself as a monster.

His mother was a very careful woman, never use magic, control it, never tell anyone, hide it. Always hide it. And yes, hunith was doing it to protect him, but she also never considered that her son was magic, that maybe she should have let him talk about it, at least with her. She never let merlin express his magic, so merlin never learned how to let others see his magic, see him.

Gaius was, in many ways just like his mother. Even more careful, he lived in Camelot after all, he witnessed the purge. He did acknowledge it, helped merlin to control it but he also sucked the fun out of it. Magic is a tool, use it for good, not fun it's too dangerous. And like that, merlin lost yet another part of himself. He was taught to not even express himself alone. His existence was tied to Arthur's well being, his magic stopped being a part of who he is, he became a tool for Arthur. And Merlin lost his sense of self.

The dragon scared him. Not with his teeth and fire, with the knowledge that this majestic being that was made of magic could be so full of hatred. The dragon was a monster. So he who was also made of magic, who had done so many horrible deeds, must also be a monster. And that's how his belief was reinforced, he must truly be a monster.

Morgana turned evil. This fierce, stubborn and truly good woman turned evil. And yes, he knew it was because of fear, but maybe, just maybe there was a little voice in his head, telling him magic does corrupt after all, it does change people. And that's how he lost his hope.

Arthur was his purpose, his reason for existence. And in the end he believed magic was evil. Merlin understood then, that he could never be free, never be understood. Maybe he kept dreaming, but they were just that, dreams. And that's how he lost his purpose.

Merlin never supported magic in a way that mattered. At the most important moment he betrayed it, betrayed himself. Yes, he lived Arthur, he didn't want to loose him, he was scared, he wanted to protect him. But there must have been another reason, a voice in his head thay kept saying he didn't deserve to be free, that magic didn't deserve to be free. Merlins life was made difficult by his magic and he had just as many bad experiences with it as Arthur had. So would it be that surprising if he, deep down, had the same resentment as the rest of Camelot for it?

#bbc merlin #bbc merlin spoilers kinda #merlin #arthur pendragon #gaius #hunith #kilgarrah #ramblings #character analysis #merlin may hate himself a little bit

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bellamyblakru · 5 hours ago

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for reference,

this is merthurweek2023 wip

this is angel merlin wip

and this is a oneshot that i could make a twoshot

old ass merthur wip fantasy au

old ass merlin amnesia wip

new merlin canon era fic (no reference for her but i can provide the first few paragraphs under the cut)

Pain wasn’t anything new to him. Daggers, arrow heads, swords—nothing surprised him, and, if he was being honest, it didn’t really matter what it was. Taking up most of his chest or a small, almost imperceivable, place under his left knee, they all left their marks upon his body. He wasn’t even sure if it was possible to count them up over the decade they have built themselves as a second, bitterly hardened version of his skin.

So, in the end, it wasn’t all that surprising that the physical pain wasn’t what ruined his life—it was the people in it.

Being tied up like an animal on top of the castle’s battlements, his back to the depths below as his tattered shirt whipped around him as if even his own clothing were desperate to leave him behind, was not how he was supposed to spend his one night off. The cold iron they had clasped around his ankles and wrist were crackling nonstop fires in his bloodstream, the jolts of agony the only thing keeping him awake as the druids debated what to do next.

He let his head lull backwards, the fear of falling nonexistent, to stare at the cloudy sky, where some part of him wondered how possible it would be for lightning to strike him at this height. Would it feel different than the crack of a whip? Or the scorching that came from their burning daggers? Would it kill him on the spot, or only add fuel to the flame?

The situation was almost funny. Here he was, in his own home—yes, a place filled with prejudice and anger and fear, but, and more importantly, also filled with so, so much love and kindness and compassion—being held down against his will for choosing a king they disagreed with. The more they talked about how freedom will never be achieved with a Pendragon on the throne, the more Merlin was convinced he made the right choice. Call it stubbornness or naïveté, but the warlock figured the golden king was less likely to torture someone over a decision that was impossible to take back than these rogue druids who thought if they pushed him far enough, he would change his mind.

In the silence of his own breathing, he debated the dreaded what if he could go back in time, was anyone sure he would actually change anything? Knowing everything he knew now after a decade at the man’s side—would he willingly change the man of prophecy? In the beginning, he would’ve scoffed at someone believing he had any choice in the matter, but after listening to the druids, the possibility of choice seemed a tiny bit more realistic.

Did he truly pick Arthur? Did he pick Arthur because the giant lizard convinced him that he was the one to lead the way? Did he pick Arthur because there was no other alternative?

No. He shook his head against those thoughts: Arthur was the Once and Future King with or without Merlin’s help… right?

Suddenly, the pain wasn’t enough to keep his mind occupied, the rapid spiraling into his own head equally uncontrollable and violently unwilling. He didn’t want to second guess his decisions. He didn’t want to believe for a moment that his choice was wrong; that reality would change everything he had ever done—every life he had taken, every lie that was spoken, every choice made for the greater good, all of it arbitrary to the fate of his one pick.

But, then again, all of this just proved further how Arthur wasn’t the one to blame here.

“Idiots…” Merlin mumbled out, his voice dry as though he had been screaming for hours without pause.

The closest man moved the warlock’s head to face the small group since he had no energy to move it himself.

“Have you decided to listen?” The leader’s voice grated on his ears, the noise of it hurting more than the iron suppressing his magic.

“No,” Merlin coughed, trying to lift his head on his own in his determination. “I don’t listen well, you will find.”

#ashley rambles #poll #merlin fanfic #merthur #merlin #merthurweek2023 #i need opinions #merthur fanfic #fanfiction #ashley writes

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living-an-infinite-nightmare · 2 years ago

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Master Of Grief, Lord Of Tears.

Merlin OneShot.

summary:

"You were my safest place, Camelot never was. But I understood that you are Camelot as much as Camelot is you. And you were the ones who shattered me into pieces and left me with nothing. I tried to save you, protect you and love you, Arthur. But at that exact time, I was slowly killing myself. I'm tired, My Lord, I wish to be truly happy, at least once. I deserve it."

Word count: 1,177

Please, do not copy on other websites, this story is mine.

please enjoy! tell me what you think! <3

——————————————————————————

Magic was never the problem, unlike some say and believe.

Magic just existed, always was and always will. It was neither good nor bad. It just adapted to the hearts and will of its bearers, a blank canvas ready to be painted. Whether it was with darkness and blood or light and love.

Magic was just there.

"There" as in everywhere. In life or death, good and bad. The elements, the people, to the core of the Earth.

All around you, you could feel it. Powerful, always moving, alive.

Even when Uther Pendragon, The Cruel King, tried to purge it, magic never left.

Pendragon was a simple man, he hated and was afraid of an entity he could not understand or control.

Yes, the hearts of the ignorants can lead to irreversible agony.

Now there he was, son of the Triple Goddess, the child made of Magic, living inside the corrupted heart of Camelot, serving and protecting the ones that only took from him, leaving the Blessed Child with agony and emptiness.

He thought that Arthur Pendragon would be different from his father, and maybe he was. Merlin tried, but in the end, he failed to see the difference. Promises were made, and loves were confessed but fears were not fought and overcame.

They were always there, at the back of his mind. Never letting him enjoy life, always staying alert for that day to come. For the pyre and the flames. For death.

“They are your friends, they would never hurt you..” he would tell himself, a lie he forced himself to believe.

“But are they really?” his mind would counter, “How can they be your friends when you can't be yourself around them? How can they be your friends when you live in fear for your life every day because of them?”

Arthur, Percival, Elyan, Gwen, Leon, and even Gwiane were all the same in front of his magic. Always warning him to never truly trust. Lancelot was different, Merlin felt safe, safer than he ever was when he was around. It was a different type of safe than the one with Arthur because Lancelot knew. And Magic knew that. Merlin likes to believe that the Triple Goddess sent the man his way. To protect him.

But then, his protector died, right in front of him. And Merlin wanted to follow him right after. He resented everyone. Why did they get to live, when the only person that truly made him feel at home was gone? Why happiness was so cruel to him? What has he ever done to deserve that?

That night he cried with Gwen and talked for hours. She grieved that man she truly loved, and Merlin grieved a friend, knowing that Lancelot was way more than that. He was his anchor, but he could not say that to anyone anymore. Because he was gone.

The Druids were calling for him. Telling him to leave that wretched place and come to them. His people, his kin. He always ignored them, too focused on the prophecy and his love for Arthur Pendragon. But maybe, if he had left sooner, his heart would still be in one piece, still beating with hope inside him.

Only once, he thought about leaving Camelot. With Freya, his first love. And Arthur took that way from him, broke him. That's all he ever did, bringing him only pain and misery. He really should have left sooner.

Now, there he was, wandering in the forest at night looking for a way home. He took nothing with him, just a little food and his handkerchief. Nature would give him the rest, he was Her child, after all. He didn’t say goodbye to anyone. They would not understand, especially Arthur. He only wished that he could’ve taken Morgana with him, she deserved happiness too. But it would have been too dangerous, Uther loved her too much, It was too risky. Maybe one day she would find her way to him, to her kin. He would give her clues to do so, and he left her a letter, hoping that she would not betray him.

It was a chill night, the moon was full, shining upon him. He sat under a tree, tired from walking all day. He needed food and rest, home was a few days away.

“You should light a fire, otherwise, you will freeze to death.” someone said, walking away from the shadows to be seen. There he was, Arthur Pendragon, looking down at him. Did he follow him all the way? But why? To imprison him for leaving Camelot without consent? To bring him back and slowly kill him again?

“What are you doing here?” the warlock asked, confused, and scared.

“I could ask you the same thing,” the prince replied. “Pretty sure Gaius did not ask you to look for herbs at this time of the night, so far away from the castle.”

Seven Hells, he never imagined to be followed, so he did not know what to say to the man now sitting in front of him.

“I’m going home,” he said, after a while, not looking at the man.

“Ealdor is the other way.”

“That’s not my home anymore.”

“Right, I thought that Camelot was.”

“It is not.”

They stayed silent after that, both of them thinking, too afraid to say what is inside their hearts.

“So you are leaving Camelot?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I wish to be free.”

The prince was confused, he could see it. ‘How can one not be free in Camelot’ That is what was on his mind. Little did he know, not everyone was Uther Pendragon’s heir.

“But I thought–”

"You thought wrong.” the warlock stated.” you were my safest place, Camelot never was. But I understood that you are Camelot as much as Camelot is you. And you were the ones who shattered me into pieces and left me with nothing. I tried to save you, protect you and love you, Arthur. But at that exact time, I was slowly killing myself. I'm tired, My Lord, I wish to be truly happy, at least once. I deserve it."

Silence was upon them once again. A heavy one, filled with pain and regrets.

“I love you,” the prince said, looking at the man in front of him, tears in his eyes.

“I deserve more than your love, Arthur. Your love is not safe, it’s not warm. It’s a prison.”

“I don’t wanna lose you.”

“You can’t lose me, because I was never yours. Let me go, let me be who I am.”

“I don't get it.”

“You could never:”

They were both crying. So in love with each other, but not destined to be together. At least in this life.

“Go back to Camelot, and forget about me. And if you truly love her, you would free Morgana too.”

That’s the last thing he said to the man, before getting up and disappearing into the shadows, never to be seen again.

Maybe in their next life, they could be together.

#merlin #merlin x arthur #merlin oneshot #arthur pendragon #please merlin deserved happiness #i love arthur i swear #angst #hurt/no comfort #no happy ending #fuck uther

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mrs-bartowski · 1 year ago

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Okay, this hooked me a lot harder than I thought.

Truth? Crazy as it sounds, Time and Space have always been bending and warping together to kick our gay asses into gear so that we keep fighting for ourselves and our families till we're all truly free from bigotry and magic has returned to us in full.

On God Herself, Morgana turned evil because The CW disrespected Lena and Kara the same way that BBC disrespected Arthur and Merlin. It's no mistake that Katie played both Morgana and Lena. Now, they're all raging with Martha and Sylvia to keep our hearts rioting till we're free from the bullshittery of genocide. Forgive me, because I never finished Merlin and therefore have to google the connections to make sense of it all, but I promise you it works together.

Morgana (Harbinger of Chaos, one of the last remaining High Priestesses of the Triple Goddess) is a warning about the wrath of injustice and the betrayal of a friend whose path diverged from hers without warning

Merlin killing Morgana with Excalibur was literally like returning the sword to the stone, as her heart at that point was Frozen (pun intended, magic is magic, stay with me)

So, Morgana dies from Merlin's betrayal. Her magic and essence dissipate, as Matter cannot be created or destroyed, and my brain and its multiversal resurrection theories immediately jump to This

"When I came to this city, I promised myself I would never trust anyone again, and...then I met you. And you chipped away at my armor with your warmth and your earnestness, and you convinced me to trust in people, in friendship again, and against my better judgment, I did. All the while, warning you about my achilles heel: betrayal.

I confided in you that everyone in my past had betrayed me! About how much it hurts to have someone you love lie to you and betray you. I spelled it out to you over and over again. Begging you not to violate my trust, begging you not to prove that once again that I was a fool.

You reassured me ad nauseum that you would never lie to me, that you would never hurt me. And all the while, there wasn't a single honest moment in our friendship – "

"No, NO, that is NOT TRUE!"

"NO, I KILLED MY BROTHER FOR YOU, FOR OUR FRIENDS, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!"

What you've done...

Lena Luthor pours her heart out to her best friend, Kara Danvers, after a series of deep and disastrous betrayals that lead her to bring Merlin's fear for Morgana killing Arthur to life in Kara's name (not that we're surprised or disappointed in this case, I mean it is Lex). But this is Kara's doing. Not hers.

This is not something she cannot bear the weight of. This is what it feels like to lose everything.

Lena steals Myriad, a mind control device that carries loads of family trauma for Kara, because Lex uses his last breaths to tell her Kara is Supergirl after years of secrecy and now she wants to rid the world of harm by overriding and forcing everyone's brains to cooperate (believe me, Lena, I get you). After all, if even Kara can betray her, who can she possibly trust?

This all happens in none other than the Fortress of Solitude...which...

Emotional Isolation + Magic = Frozen = Water Is Memory (thanks Olaf, so sorry I don't have space for your gif)

Relevance?

1. Lena finds out in s6 that her mother was a witch and she can weild magic, but her scientific nature and disconnect from her mother leads her to fear using it. In a fear-induced vision during a s6 episode that was thematically linked to COVID, Lena sees her mother as a Kelpie, a celtic water spirit similar to the Nokk (water horse) in Frozen.

2. Morgana and the essence of her magic remember the feeling of betrayal well. They did even before Andrea (first bff), Lex (brother), Lillian (mother), Eve (assistant/confidant), and everyone else betrayed Lena. It's the one thing Lena has always been most afraid of and a strong indicator of past life trauma.

Now, deep down, Merlin's betrayal of Morgana was to protect Arthur because, well, yeah...

Meanwhile, Kara - much like our young king as he reassures his "best friend" that magic is not inherently evil because Merlin is not evil - devolves into desperation in the aftermath of Lena's betrayal as she realizes that, while she supposedly kept her secret from Lena to protect her and their friends and family, she's now realized she's losing the most important member of hers because of that secret, and Lena still thinks it's because she's a Luthor (fuck you, heteronormativity)

Lots of screamworthy injustice follows. Nightmares full of "just like I would any other villain" and "you are a monster. But that doesn’t mean i have to be one, too." Reconciliation is a bitch, but it happens.

But then, THEN, we have the peak of Supercorp's bullshittery exactly 9 years after Merlin and Arthur's show ends (9 is the number of completion in Numerology btw, whis is like magic and math combined) and just as Supercorp's is starting to wind down with only 7 eps left in the series, Kara and Lena give us the Iconic™️ 6x13 quote of

"Do you really not believe in Magic?"

"...I believe in you."

Which leads me and my incessant brain to these gems

Hmm, sounds a lot like Lena being afraid of losing Kara to betrayal...and yet

The Gays always come around

Now, similar to Arthur and Merlin, this is after Lena finds out Kara is Supergirl, after they have a huge falling out, and after they come back together.

HOWEVER. The conversation in 6x13 is flipped. In 6x01 (I know what's in your heart), Lena has lost so much faith and confidence in herself that her Goodness is lost on her and she feels she needs Kara to guide her (if I have to hear Lena's post-"evil"-breakdown of "you can yell at me if you'd like, I know I deserve it" on repeat one more time, my head is going to take a permanent leave from my shoulders).

Imagine Lena's fear of her own abilities by 6x13 after "almost becoming a villian" because the CW can't produce good writing for shit combined with Morgana's knowledge that her last betrayal got her killed, but with the feeling that this one has led to her being pieced back together even stronger.

She's a literal supergenius scientist with Morgana's latent magical power. Talk about dangerous...

And now, this belief Lena has in Kara despite her betrayal is how we know God is a Dangerous Woman (thanks Ari). Because, on review, the Big Picture leads up to this absolutely insane phenomen (described as briefly as possible):

There's 1x13, For the Girl Who Has Everything, where Kara is under the influence of the Black Mercy and has to choose between staying in a dreamt-up illusion of Krypton where it never died and returning to her life on earth as both a confused and lost human and newly developed Supergirl (mind you, s1 was on NBC, so they really set the stage for Kara's grapple with humanity without them or the CW even knowing it). It's torture to watch, but her sister Alex brings her home.

2x13, Mr. & Mrs, Mxyzptlk, where a 5th dimensional imp with unmatched magical power, Mxy, tries to force Kara to marry him while Lena is offscreen because the CW hadn't actually planned to make her a permanent member of the series until Supercorp's chemistry took off, so they had to write her in elsewhere. Kara deals with the classic patriarchal heteronormative male bullshit her then-toxicly-jealous-boyfriend, Mon-El, so aptly disgraces us with on her own, and both Mxy and Mon-El face her cold wrath as she advocates for her needs and boundaries.

3x13, Both Sides Now, where Kara is trying to save Julia Freeman, aka Purity, and Lena finds out her second oldest friend, Sam Arias, is unknowingly hosting Reign - both of whom are Kryptonian Worldkillers buried in Julia and Sam's Subconscious. Their efforts and struggles to maintain the humanity in Julia and Sam are disjointed and unknown to each other because Lena still has no clue Kara is Supergirl.

4x13, What's So Funny About Truth, Justice, and the American Way?, where The Elite (a merry band of rogues) are targeting Agent/The Children of Liberty (a crusader and his group of anti-Alien terrorists). Aliens and Humans are fighting to coexist, and Kara is trying to maintain the balance. Meanwhile, Lena is learning to trust and work with Alex, who also doesn't know Kara is Supergirl at this point due to J'onn mind-wiping her to protect both of them from the clearly corrupt government as Alex defies their attempts at gaining control over the DEO and its mission.

5x13, It's a Super Life, where my brain eats itself alive as Kara travels dimensions with none other than Mxyzptlk to undo her mistakes with Lena and rewrite their friendship by telling her The Secret before Lex can. Only to find out everyone dies the other ways and the world falls to ruin if they never become friends. Shocker. So, the woman who watched her planet die and spent over a decade in a tiny pod floating through a timeless wasteland concludes this experience as the most emotionally draining of her life, and Mxy ends the episode talking about loneliness and love and friendship with the famous line "that magic...it can't be forced. It has to be found."

And finally, 6x13, The Gauntlet, where Lena is figuring out how to tell Kara about her recently discovered magical roots and come to terms with them herself as Kara embarks on a test of courage to gain control of the Courage Totem which ANOTHER 5th dimensional imp, Nyxlygsptlnz (Nyxly), is trying to master and reunite with the other 6 AllStone totems to obtain ultimate power over all creation: energy, matter, magic, and even life and death.

So, to recap, we have a fateful choice between False Dreams and Painful Reality in 2016; a personal rebellion against Patriarchal Force and Heteronormativity in 2017; two separate efforts to protect the planet from rogue Harbingers of Chaos and Death by appealing to their Inner Humanity in 2018; a national Crisis of Humanity coinciding with personal Crises of Self-Discovery through Defiance of Personal and Government Corruption in 2019; a Time Traveling nightmare confirming Quantum Entanglement and the Star-Crossed Lovers trope in all ways BUT canon in 2020; and a shared journey through finding Mutual Courage and Support in the person who most deeply betrayed them in 2021.

Not to mention the parallels/dichtomies on the journey from "having everything" (Arthur and his royalty, Kara and her powers); to a massive personal change motivated by claims of destiny and magic (Merlin's arrival in Arthur's life, Kara's triumph over magical attempts at forced connection); to looking at it from "both sides now" (Merlin and Arthur being complete opposites working together, Kara and Lena having similar approaches but with separate efforts); to Truth, Justice, and (theoretically) Freedom through uniting against a common enemy (Merlin choosing Arthur over Morgana, Lena choosing Kara over Lex); to reflecting on life choices and debating altering history (Arthur resurrecting Uther, Kara traveling through time to save her friendship with Lena); all culminating in a Gauntlet of Courage (coming together to save the worlds they've built and protected together).

The synchronicity with our own bullshit as a world is truly unreal, let alone the ways magic syncs up across other worlds. My brain is still processing, but it makes a sick amount of sense that the star-crossed lovers would be gay and this world would be too blind to see it, in the same way it's too blind to see that we're repeating history every day.

Now we could stop there and say yeah, yeah its all the same, but it gets better.

Because, thanks to a glimpse into the future in Supergirl's finale, we have the Lena Luthor Foundation, which Lena unveils as Kara catches her eye from where she floats in the sky to watch from above. I've officially died in this moment because I've reached the 10-photo max and can't fit the pic of Morgana's Rowan Tree, but listen: it's the world's greatest Easter Egg.

Same Tree, Same Magic, Same Love.

If the tree isn't enough with the (possibly intentional) whole 13th episode thing on their own, you should also know:

A 2023 series called Mayfair Witches, based on Anne Rice's series of the same name, is about a baby who is stolen from her comatose mother and raised by her conservative, magic-fearing, secretive family. This is almost exactly what happens with Lena and the Luthors. The baby's name just so happens to be Rowan (yes, like the tree, what a CO-INCIDINCE).

She's a neurosurgeon and also the 13th witch in the Mayfair line. So, Rowan (like Lena), grows up not knowing who she is or who her mother is or that she has magic. When she discovers her magic, it's tied to a spirit, Lasher, who is destined to be reborn as her child. She defies her family, falls in love with her protector, Ciprien, and gets pregnant with Lasher.

How is this relevant, you ask? Well, my friends. Rowan is white. Ciprien is black. And if you can't yet tell why that matters, here's our Final Word (copied from a video transcript on a post I reblogged earlier but can't attach the video for bc Tumblr):

https://www.tumblr.com/mrs-bartowski/742141345802665984?source=share

First person:

"Black people are treated like a sexuality. And I do not-"

Video cuts to second person:

"See, I actually like this video. And I think I got a explanation for you.

The reason that blackness almost acts as a sexuality is because antiblackness is something that is so innate in the minds of nonblack people when growing up, that them preferring not to date someone who is black is almost as normal as them preferring not to date someone who isn’t their preferred sex.

Did y’all follow that? Like, let me give you an example. Like, a straight white male saying that they don’t date black girls is just as normal in society as a straight white male saying that they don’t date boys. And straight white women saying that they don’t date black boys was almost as normal as them saying they don’t date women. And granted, that example might not be as prevalent as the last one, but still.

And I know in both of those examples, they were white, but it applies with nonblack POC too. And to add a little bit of intersectionality, let’s be honest, it probably applies to some black men, too. And that’s a shame, that we would treat our own women similarly to that of a sex we don’t prefer.

Oh, I just thought of something! Antiblackness is something that is so innate in the minds of nonblack people that they would almost have to come out! Come out! And say that they like black people. It’s like homophobia was so innate that you would have to come out and say you’re homosexual.

That’s the one. I’m not even gonna lie, that’s the one."

And you know what? It is The One. Our struggles have always been the same. And if this isn't roundabout proof for anyone who hasn't yet seen how deeply intersectional and interconnected our struggles are, I encourage you to dig deeper.

Palestinian genocide in Gaza is no different than the genocide of magic-users in Camelot. Their stories are just as real as ours, and our support is vital to their survival.

In fact, it's quite the same struggle for all of us. Monotheism and the wars it has created over what eventually amounts to inconsequential differences in theology continue to suffocate and divide this world. Uniting against those differences and making peace with our infinite systems of belief is the only way we Live and Breathe Again.

The Christian Crusades killed Magic. Islamic and Christian radicals sent it Raging with War. But Jewish genocide in Palestine has Awoken its determination to put an end to our suffering and unite us - as humans and everything beyond us - once and for all.

Yes, there are many people who know little of any of this and continue to live in the dark. It was honestly a trigger for me to see a post with someone minimizing genocide with the nightmares in Gaza, so this post is literally the only thing I've been able to focus on today. Desensitization to others' struggles is learned, but it can also be unlearned.

Seeing these connections is your chance to meet them with hope. Most people don't pay attention because they feel overwhelmed by the reality of Chaos in this world. It seems a poor excuse to those who can't afford to turn a blind eye, but I can't say I haven't felt it myself. That seeing it all every day doesn't tear me apart.

But we are all born from Chaos. Chaos is Darkness. Darkness is the home of The Unknown. And The Unknown is the Home of the Bridge between Science, Art, and Magic.

As the unknowns of our world becomes less and less, as our connections and collaborations as a people and world grow and places like Tumblr and TikTok and Twitter come together (yes, against all odds, considering most people on here do have all 3 whether you use them or not) to bridge gaps and share stories and traditions and dances and ideas and experiences, the fear of that darkness starts to dissolve. The less of each other we fear, the stronger we are. And that's what El Mayarah is all about.

TLDR; Katie McGrath and her brilliant Irish mind dropped the seed of Morgana's Rowan tree into our magic-deprived brains as a reminder of the perpetual systemic injustices (real-world and magical) that are still possible to overcome. The ripple effect can be seen in all art, and it's always interconnected.

Right now, we're all dealing with and healing from the consequences of the senseless divisions that have rippled through our lives and all the stories we know and love by restoring their connections and making it all make sense with art, which we share to build even more connections with each other. Learning to love each other's art even when we don't understand it by finding the human connection within is the first step to true peace. Even the fandoms you hate, even (and especially) the problematic shit. Art is life, and we're all just trying to make sense of it. Lack of access to other perspectives is the only thing that has ever really divided us. We're already changing that. We just need to make space for the opportunity to learn.

Shoutout to all our tumblr fandoms for seeing and saving the worlds through art. Keep going. Bring the connections between that art and the real world to life. We can all heal. It just has to be together.

From the River to the Sea, Palestine Will be Free 🇵🇸

The fact that Merlin was such a huge thing despite having of one the worst plots ever really goes to show just how important actors are . Seriously do people actually remember the plot ? The entire plot was : “

The King is a tyrant that is literally committing genocide against magical people . Our hero the wizard Merlin must protect this tyrannical King because ….. the prince is supposed to become a great king but he needs some time to live ,love and laugh before he becomes king . So yeah we will let the genocide continue until our boy has gotten out of his system and can grow up? What’s that? The kind hearted Morgana who stands against injustice and genocide from the start ? Yeah we will turn her into a mad villain. How ? Well that’s not important . We will just have a time skip and she will suddenly be evil now . Stop questioning us , shut up and just ship the two quite obviously straight male characters

#merlin bbc #morgana #katie mcgrath #supergirl cw #lena luthor #intersectionality #free palestine

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regulusrules · 2 years ago

Note

Hi! Okay so you seem like a very well-read person and I’d love to know if you have a list of your favorite Merlin fics. I just bookmarked all the ones you recommended in relation to the 10 best episodes and now I need more! I’m going on a training camp and would love to have something fairly long to download to my kindle so I can read on flights and when I don’t have data 🥰

Thanks so much in advance!

(Also, I LOVE your writing, I’m so glad to be part of this fandom with talented people like you!)

Hey! Thank you so much for your kind words! OF COURSEE I'd love to recommend you some fics! Likewise— the creativity of this fandom never ceases to amaze me :)

*cracks knuckles and pretends my eyes aren't lighting up rn because my time has finally come*

Long fic recs (50K-100K+)

1. to the world that never let you be by ImperialMint. Look. I'll hand out my own throat so willingly to any scar reveal fic. The trope is just so dear to my heart, and this one in particular was something else. It broadly covered every single feeling you might be looking for in a Merlin fic, and its characterization of both Arthur and Merlin was top tier. I basically sell my soul to any fic that does justice to their characterization, and this one did so much more than that.

2. What I'd Have Done by @flight-of-fantasy. I solemnly swear you will never read something like this fic. I read it in one day from how on edge I was all the time. I had to recount it to my friends in the timespan of three hours because of how much screaming and dramatic pauses there was. Simply, the brilliance of plot here is unmatched. Arthur's characterization as a strategist shook my innards, and Merlin's unapologetic nature was chef's kiss. It's so hard not to give away the plot while recommending this so just.. just read it.

3. Redemption by flakedice, Zerda. Soon, you will find a parallel post to the best 10 episodes with the worst 10, featuring first and foremost The Disir. Honest to God, I could literally go on ages ranting about how much agony this episode brought me. It was the blow that awoke my eyes to the possibility of fuck, this show isn't going to end well. I once thought about shitting on that episode like I did with 5×13 in My heart is readily yours, but fics like these hold me back because they already gave us everything. It gave us the ending we deserved. Gold. Everything in this was gold. The world building, the character development, the fact that Arthur has been given time. Truly a fix-it that fix-ed my heart.

4. Talking about deviations from The Fucking Disir, The World I Built for You by Fulgance is a must. It was the first fic I've read from the How They Didn't Find Out (magic reveal one-shots) series, and from then on I was * s o l d *. Whichever fic you decide to read from this, I guarantee you, you will have the time of your life. Fulgance is the one author I will always recommend without a shadow of a doubt. There is not a single work of theirs that will disappoint you. They will only break you.

5. Deep In My Heart I'm Concealing by @citharaposts. True story about this fic, I squealed when I read its summary. “I'm not standing here as a king, Merlin!” was the quickest catalyst to ever make me start a fic. I specifically wrote a spoiler-free comment for the author and left it in the first chapter so that anyone who's thinking about whether or not to go into yet another 100K fic will rest assured that it's an amazing ride. Have real fun with this one.

6. It Was One Kingdom, Once by queerofthedagger. Two things, if they happen, you leave everything behind and go thank your God for blessing you with it: @queerofthedagger posting a new Merlin fic, and it being a Royal Hanahaki AU. Like so many other tropes the author has nailed, this was the best Hanahaki I've ever read (across fandoms). It's so intricate and detailed and the world building is on another level. If our world was burning and I had only one thing to save, it'll be the works of this author.

Hope I helped, and hope you have so much fun in your camp!◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕

[Short fic recs]

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bitsandbobsofwriting · 4 years ago

Text

Kilgharrah: “Kill that child, Merlin.”

Merlin (like a normal person): “No?? What the fuck???”

And with that, everything changed.

Part 2 Part 3(final part)

“You must let the boy die.”

Kilgharrah’s voice echoed incessantly through Merlin’s head for days after the Druid boy’s appearance, and subsequent disappearance.

Merlin had, of course, ignored the scaly old bastard, and hadn’t once questioned if he’d done the right thing by hiding Mordred away in his tiny bedroom.

If the boy truly had such a terrible destiny, then the best thing for Merlin to do was to keep him close, if not to steer him away from his fate, then to at least be able to see it coming if it was indeed inevitable.

Currently, Morgana was the only one aware that Mordred was still here (other than Gaius of course, who was somehow disapproving and proud at the same time). As far as everyone else was concerned, Arthur and Uther included, the boy was never found, and must have slipped out of the city somehow (going by the extra patrols in the woods, as opposed to the castle and town).

The Warlock was nervous about anyone knowing at first, but when Morgana had tearfully thanked him for saving Mordred, and proceeded to sneak in spare blankets, food, and money for clothes, Merlin was glad for the co-conspirator.

The boy was currently curled up in the corner of Merlin’s room, a pile of blankets and pillows organised like a bird’s nest around him, wearing a soft shirt and sleeping the night away.

Merlin watched him from his bed, realising with growing horror just how protective of Mordred he had already become. He was so young. How could Merlin even consider punishing a child for some stupid destiny he didn’t even know about?

He had to think of a solution quickly. He couldn’t risk sending him away, not even to the Druids, they were as much slaves to the so-called prophecies as Kilgharrah was, and Merlin had once been (”Gods. Sounds like I’ve been dealing with destiny for years. It’s been like six months. I’m too young for this shit.”). But equally... what could he do with him??

Thankfully, no one had really gotten a good look at the boy, so hopefully with a change of clothes and a haircut, he wouldn’t be recognised, at least not if Merlin came up with a convincing enough story.

To be honest... the cover story worried him far more than the prospect of someone recognising him. Uther hadn’t recognised Nimueh, the woman who had been his court sorceress for years... the man was apparently not very observant.

In the end, it was a throwaway comment by Morgana a few days later, about a week after the Druid boy had “escaped” that gave Merlin a very stupid idea. So stupid, that it might just work.

Morgana had once again snuck away from the main castle to sit with Merlin and Mordred in the servant’s room.

Gaius had said nothing as she’d entered the Physician’s chambers, enough food for four hidden away in the picnic basket she carried, just raised his eyebrow slightly, and thanked The Lady for the food offering that was definitely-not-a-bribe.

She gave him a quick wink, and the old physician rolled his eyes fondly as he set an overturned bucket in front of the door; if anyone came in, they would come in loudly.

Mordred was happy to see her, and Merlin hid a fond smile at the boy’s quiet giggles. He still didn’t speak much, so it was a relief to see him finding joy in something, even if it was clandestine visits from Uther’s ward.

She ruffled his hair slightly, resisting the urge to pull the touch averse boy into a tight hug, and set the basket on the bed. Merlin sat against the pillows, and Morgana sat down opposite him, the basket in between them as Mordred clambered up to sit just in front of Merlin.

Morgana and Merlin talked quietly as they ate, Mordred staying silent as the adults (or...as adult as they could get. Like Merlin kept thinking to himself, he was too young for this shit at sixteen, and Morgana was only two years older than him) avoided the elephant in the room.

The elephant being that they couldn’t keep this up forever. Arthur had a habit of bursting in whenever he so pleased, and it was a miracle he hadn’t done so already. Plus, it would be cruel to expect Mordred to stay cooped up in here for much longer. He was a child, he deserved to play outside and explore and do all the other things he couldn’t do in Merlin’s bedroom.

Once they finished eating, Mordred moved to his makeshift bed in the corner, tightly clutching a book that Morgana had bought him, and furrowing his brows in concentration as he read.

Morgana stared at him with a soft smile, and Merlin sighed, once again worrying about his new ward’s future.

Morgana tilts her head, as if a sudden thought had occurred to her, and looks slowly between Merlin and Mordred as the servant raises a questioning eyebrow at her.

“You know Merlin, the two of you look remarkably similar.”

Mordred is engrossed in his book, and doesn’t react at all to Morgana’s quiet comment, but Merlin’s eyebrow goes even higher as he huffs out a laugh:

“You think? I don’t see it.”

Morgana looks at him with a deadpan expression:

“Merlin, you don’t have a mirror in here. I’m fairly certain you have no concept of what you look like.-”

Merlin looks indignantly offended for all of two seconds before he sighs and nods, she’s right to be fair. He’s tall-ish, with pale skin, and he thinks he has brown hair. That’s about all he knows.

Morgana chuckles as she once again looks at Mordred:

“You both have very dark hair, bright blue eyes, pale skin. You know...-”

She looks back at him with a thoughtful frown on her face:

“-if someone told me you were brothers... I’d believe it.”

Merlin raises an eyebrow:

“Really?”

She nods decisively:

“Yeah. I mean, the more I think about it, the more I look between you, yes. You could definitely be related.”

Merlin nods his head slowly, thinking. He takes in a deep breath and tilts his head slightly:

“It could work. I haven’t really talked to anyone about my family so... we could say that... he came to live with me? Because life here is... good?”

Morgana snorts slightly, rolling her eyes before looking back at him seriously:

“You’d have to be more convincing than that. You could say that the harvest was poor in your village? That Mordred was better off coming to stay with his big brother in the big city?”

Merlin nods at her words, grimacing slightly as he mutters:

“If we’re running with the whole... brother thing, I need to write a letter to my mum, just in case. Gods she’s going to laugh so much.”

Morgana laughs at him quietly, but the noise finally catches Mordred’s attention and he looks up in confusion. Merlin moves the basket to the floor, and gestures to the boy to come over.

He walks over wordlessly, climbing up to kneel between them, biting his lip nervously.

“Is it time for me to leave, Emrys?” echoes through Merlin’s head, and he gives the boy a comforting smile, shaking his head slightly, before saying out loud:

“You’re staying with me, Mordred-”

The boy smiles slightly as he stares at Merlin in reverence, and Morgana quickly hides her questioning gaze. She could see that there was more between them than simple protectiveness over a child, and thankfulness for being saved, but she kept her thoughts to herself as Merlin continued:

“-but we can’t keep you hidden in here forever, so we’re going to tell people that you’re my younger brother, come to live with me. Is that alright?”

Mordred nods his head vigorously, and Merlin chuckles slightly as the boy’s grin grew:

“Ok. We’ll get you a haircut and tell Gaius the plan. Probably wait a few more days for things to settle down further, and then see how it goes, ok?”

Mordred nods once more, smile not leaving his face. Morgana bites her lip to stop herself from laughing at Merlin’s shocked face when the boy threw himself into the servant’s arms for a tight hug.

Merlin spends the next few days teaching Mordred all about Ealdor and his mother and Will, so that the boy could have at least a little knowledge on what was supposedly his home and family.

The next time Morgana came to visit, she brought a comb and a sharp pair of scissors, as well as a few more changes of clothes that looked less... Druid. By the time she left that evening, Mordred had much shorter hair, and a wide grin on his face at the prospect of finally being able to go outside (he was Druid after all, he needed trees and fresh air).

The letter had been sent home, and Merlin was expecting a reply any day now. The only thing left to worry about was how to hide Mordred’s Druid marking. It would be easy to cover with clothes, but Uther’s increasing paranoia meant that it would be best if they could find a more permanent solution.

Gaius suggested some sort of glamour spell fairly quickly, but Merlin was unwilling to cast one on the boy until he’d mastered it.

And THAT meant showing up to serve Arthur with ink all over his hands that he had tried and failed to cover.

Merlin had also realised with dawning horror, that he would have to tell Morgana the truth. She knew about the marking, and she was smart, there was no way that hiding it wasn’t something that had occurred to her. She would bring it up eventually, and how could Merlin explain without having to... explain??

Morgana was already risking her favour with the King, and frankly, her life, by protecting a Druid... she would do the same for Merlin, right? But Mordred hadn’t actually done any magic... BUT she’d always spoken against executions... BUT Merlin had lied and hidden it from her, his friend...

Hmm...

In the end, he’d decided he would just have to suck it up, and tell her. Fuck whatever that dragon said. After Kilgharrah’s last round of... advice, Merlin had been ignoring his calls. If there was an emergency, the cryptic bastard would tell him, and until then he could just sulk in that cave on his own.

That two weeks was also enough for Uther to become convinced that the mysterious Druid boy really was long gone, and to just forget about it. He was pissed of course, but talking about it and extending the search just highlighted that a child, barely eleven summers, had managed to evade all of his forces and that... did not cast him in a good light.

It took Merlin about two weeks to fully master the spell, which was longer than the three of them were hoping, but he was adamant that he perfect it before he cast it on Mordred, and Gaius was incredibly impressed at his ward’s determination.

Morgana was of course confused about why they kept pushing it back, she thought they were only going to wait a few days before they started introducing Mordred, but she trusted Merlin and saw no harm in waiting a little longer.

When Morgana arrived that evening, she could tell that Merlin was... anxious. They’d agreed on a specific day to make introductions but it wasn’t until the end of this week, it didn’t make any sense for Merlin to suddenly be nervous about it.

Mordred wasn’t quite as good at hiding his emotions, and didn’t even giggle like he normally did when Morgana came over, just stared at his “brother” anxiously.

Morgana rolled her eyes and huffed as she shut the door:

“Alright, Merlin. What is it? Spit it out.”

Merlin opened his mouth, about to come out with an excuse, before he snapped it shut again and took a deep breath.

It worried him, how easy, how automatic it was for him to lie, but that was a worry for another time.

Mordred reached up and took his hand, squeezing it, and Merlin looked down at him with a weak smile before sitting on the bed and gesturing that Morgana join him.

She looked at him worriedly, but settles where he gestures, and doesn’t acknowledge the way Mordred sits defensively between them.

The boy looks back at Merlin:

“Are you sure, Emrys?”

Merlin gives him another smile, and squeezes his shoulder slightly as he raises an eyebrow:

“I’m sure. And you need to get used to calling me Merlin at some point.”

Mordred pouts slightly, and Merlin ruffles his hair as he laughs, before looking back up at Morgana’s questioning stare.

He takes another deep breath, before slowly speaking:

“I... we’ve found a way to properly hide Mordred’s marking.”

Morgana looks taken aback, but relieved:

“Oh. Is that all? That’s good isn’t it? I have to admit, it was worrying me.”

Merlin gulps:

“Yeah it... it is good... it’s just, it involves... magic.”

Morgana raises her eyebrow, and nods slowly, as if it were obvious:

“I figured it would be. It’s not like it would be easy or reliable to cover it with make-up every morning, or hide it with clothes.-”

It’s Merlin’s turn to look taken aback now, and Mordred fixes her with an unreadable expression. Morgana continues:

“-The problem, lies in finding someone willing to do whatever spell it is. Someone we could trust wouldn’t share the secret, no matter what.”

Merlin grimaces slightly, more gulping, and taking yet another deep breath:

“We already have someone. Me.”

Morgana gasps slightly, and she’s vaguely aware of the brothers in front of her tensing up, but all she can focus on is the gold of Merlin’s irises.

The gold fades, and Merlin clears his throat, breaking her out of her stupor. She reaches over and punches Merlin harshly on the arm before getting up and beginning to pace, speechless.

Merlin and Mordred panic at first, but when she makes no moves towards the door in her pacing, they relax. That only lasts for a moment or two however, before she looks back to Merlin, furious:

“Are you thick Merlin? Why on earth would you learn magic in Camelot of all places?? Do you have a death wish!?”

Merlin laughs slightly, cheeks turning pink as he rubs the back of his neck:

“Actually uh... I was born with magic; I’ve always had it. My mother sent me here because she thought I would learn to control it better.”

Morgana looks incredulous as she continues to rant:

“What? With the fear of execution hanging over your head?! That’s not control, that’s terror.”

Merlin shrugs:

“It works though. My magic is mostly instinctual, the threat of torture by pyre sure as hell stops me from losing control when I’m angry or scared or whatever...”

Morgana huffs, crossing her arms and fixing him with a glare. Both Merlin and Mordred cower slightly as they are reminded of angry and disproving mothers; as if they were about to be scolded for getting their clothes dirty, or ruining their dinner with too many snacks.

She just stares at him for a minute, before she sags slightly, and begins chuckling at the boys’ fearful faces:

“You are ridiculous. But it’s far too late to persuade you to leave now. Does Arthur know?”

Merlin’s face morphs into a mournful frown, as he looks to the floor and mumbles:

“No. I wish I could tell him but... with Uther...”

Morgana sighs, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder:

“Uther won’t be here forever. We’ll just have to keep Arthur from turning into too much of a prat before he becomes King.-”

Merlin laughs at that, and looks up to give the woman a grateful smile. She returns his smile before continuing:

“-So, you can do the spell?”

Merlin winces slightly and gestures for Mordred to pull the collar of his shirt down, to reveal a blank patch of skin:

“I’ve actually already done it. It’ll stay there permanently until I take it off. Though we should keep checking, just in case.”

Morgana looks surprised, and smiles:

“What’s the problem then?-”

She rolls her eyes when Merlin looks at her incredulously:

“-Oh, come on Merlin. I’m not going to turn you in, you’re safe with me. You both are, and you always will be.”

The servant jumps up to give her a tight hug, which she quickly returns as Mordred nervously joins in. Morgana smiles to herself, and squeezes her boys tighter.

She may love Uther and Arthur, and she knew they loved her back, in their own way, but this? This was family.

The time finally came for Merlin to introduce his baby brother. Hunith had supposedly dropped him off late last night and left immediately, having to get back home quickly.

Morgana had gone to gather Gwen and Arthur whilst Merlin and Mordred waited in their room (it was definitely their room now, instead of just Merlin’s).

It was early in the morning, and to say that Arthur was grumpy at being woken by Morgana instead of Merlin, was an understatement.

But he eventually caved, and dressed himself as he grumbled, allowing Morgana to drag him to meet Gwen (who was equally confused) before the three of them made their way to the Physician’s chambers.

Gaius was suspiciously absent, and Morgana knocked on Merlin’s door, before slowly opening it and walking in, Arthur and Gwen following her quickly.

Gwen was surprised at the sight of Merlin stood behind a child, hands protectively on his shoulders, but smiled and gave Mordred a soft wave in greeting.

Arthur however, froze, and stared at the boy with a shocked expression.

Morgana moved to stand next to Mordred, and took one of his hands as Merlin began to speak:

“Gwen, Arthur, I want you to meet my baby brother, Mordred. He’s come to live with me.”

Gwen waved again, and bent over to Mordred’s height:

“Hi Mordred, I’m Guinevere, but all my friends call me Gwen. I didn’t know that Merlin had a brother, but it’s lovely to meet you.”

Mordred gave her a small smile, and Merlin suppressed a chuckle as-

“I like her, Em- Merlin.”

-echoed through his head.

Arthur’s gaze moved away from Mordred finally, up to Merlin.

Merlin stared back at him blankly, but Arthur saw the way his jaw clenched as he moved a protective hand down, to pull Mordred closer to him.

The Prince let out a deep sigh, growling slightly as Gwen looked at him in confusion, and Morgana and Merlin stared at him challengingly.

He shook his head as his shoulders sagged, and he rubbed at his eyes with the palms of his hands before looking back to Mordred with a strained smile:

“It’s nice to meet you, Mordred. My name’s Arthur.”

With that, Morgana smirks slightly, and Merlin relaxes. Gwen just rolls her eyes:

“Sorry about him Mordred, he doesn’t spend much time around people your age.”

Mordred gives her another smile, and Merlin glances to Gwen, before looking down at Mordred:

“Why don’t you go with Morgana and Gwen to see the city a little? Me and Arthur need to talk, I’ll catch up with you later, ok?”

Mordred turns around quickly, and grabs Merlin’s hand tightly:

“You promise??”

Gwen holds in an “awww” and Morgana hides her smile. Mordred rarely talks aloud (she’d been told of the mental link), but she’s glad to see he was feeling at least a little more comfortable.

Merlin crouches down, and pulls the boy into a tight hug, stroking his hair slightly as he stares straight at Arthur:

“I promise. I’ll never leave you for long Mordred.”

Arthur gulps at Merlin’s hard stare, but gives him an almost imperceptible nod, which Merlin returns as he stands up. Mordred gives him one more look as he takes one of Morgana’s hands, and one of Gwen’s, and follows them out of the room.

Morgana shuts the door quietly, and Arthur sighs again before looking at Merlin:

“What are you thinking Merlin?? You just thought I wouldn’t notice?”

Merlin crosses his arms, his glare still hard:

“No, I knew you would notice, I just had faith that you’re a better man than your father.”

Arthur is still deep in his “my father can do no wrong” faze, and takes great offense at that, taking a threatening step forward and growling:

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Merlin just huffs and raises an eyebrow slightly:

“I had assumed that you were not the type of man to have a child executed, just for existing.-”

Merlin copies Arthur’s step forward, raising his chin and continuing, his voice low and dangerous:

“-Did I assume correctly? Because there is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect that kid, Arthur. Nothing.”

Arthur stares at him incredulously, only managing to hold Merlin’s surprisingly confident stare for a few moments, before nodding and stepping back:

“Of course. He’s a child, Merlin, I won’t see him hurt, if I can help it.”

Merlin nods slowly, not looking away from Arthur as he softly says:

“I’ll hold you to that.-”

He walks around The Prince, opening the door and stepping halfway through before looking over his shoulder, and quietly saying to a confused Arthur:

“-If you truly believed that all magic is evil, and always corrupted, no matter what, then you wouldn’t care that he’s a child; you’d want him dead anyway. So perhaps think about your... prejudices, a little more deeply, maybe you’ll discover you are different to Uther in other ways as well.”

Before Arthur can even really process what Merlin said, the servant is shutting the door behind him, and rushing off to find his new brother.

OK SO!!!

I really LOVED writing this, there will definitely be more parts, I just figured I should end it here before I got carried away

This series is finished!! (Links at the top <3 )

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witchmd13 · 3 years ago

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Your post got me thinking, and I was wondering what you think would’ve happened, long-term, had Arthur killed Uther? Would the kingdom follow a king who killed his father, how would Arthur treat magic knowing the deal took Ygraine but Uther knowingly entered a deal that was “a life for a life” to have Arthur, how would Arthur handle his ascension resulting from patricide, etc.? I’ve always wondered about the long-term consequences of that episode and all AUs resulting? Arthur hates magic for a good chunk of the show, in large part because he never learns the real reason behind the Purge (and people keep trying to kill him, but they’ve also been hunted for years because of Uther’s bad decisions, so 🤷‍♀️), but how would the kingdom and the council respond to Arthur committing regicide. There’s a bucket load of AUs that can happen from this episode alone, and we were ROBBED. I agree that Merlin should’ve told Arthur the truth, because it’s not Merlin’s secret to keep and he should maybe focus on trying to reverse the laws on magic since it’s actively killing his people and putting him in danger, along with the lives of the people keeping his secret, and I always enter a rabbit hole when thinking this episode, so I wanted to know your thoughts on what would have happened had Merlin not told Arthur Morgause was lying.

oooh this is such a good ask. thank you for the ideas! I'm gonna put this in bullet points so I wouldn't lose my thoughts.

Arthur wouldn't have been able to forgive himself. I think he'd try to live with it for a while, telling himself over and over that he did the right thing by his people and his mother, but eventually the guilt would be too much and his heart wouldn't be able to take it.

this can only lead will lead to 2 possibilities, imo, either he would become totally closed off, not allowing anyone in, or he'd turn the whole thing off and turn darker, a slightly more noble version of uther. I would go with the later if I'm writing an au because it's more interesting (and would totally crush my heart into ashes

the people would definitely follow a king who killed his father. especially if the incident got contained early on. history is full of stories like that. what i think would be a problem however are uther's men and council. someone would definitely try to use it to their advantage to cause an uprising or something. that would be such a good plot for an au with this premise. it would make things even darker for arthur, that he caused the kingdom to fall apart and ushered it into a civil war. it would at least triple his guilt.

i love your point about arthur's conflicted view on magic after he would kill uther. i think killing uther would make arther just cast everything he's ever told him about magic aside. after all, from what he said, arthur truly believed uther was just trying to "ease his guilt" by killing all the magical folk. i think with a little help from merlin and morgaus (who'd most likely become an ally in this scenario) he'd come to understand how magic is just a tool.

side note, i would kill for an au with merlin having to coexist in camelot with morgaus. he'd absolutely hate her influence on arthur, which let's be real, would be huge since she triggered this whole sequence of events and how lost arthur would be after it. she'd definitely try to create problems between him and arthur, seeing merlin's influence on arthur is clear to a blind man. the clashes would be epic.

merlin loved arthur too much. he can't think properly when it comes to him. he's so terrified of not only losing him, but causing him the tinniest amount of pain, that he makes such dumb choices in an attempt to protect him, even on his own and his people's expense. it's just who merlin is, he loved arthur and camelot and their friends. if you take that away, he wouldn't be merlin anymore, that's exactly why it's a tragedy, because everything that's happened was inevitable.

#ask #anon #i have so many more thoughts on this but they're all on top of each other #i'll try to add them later #thank you anon for this lovely ask <3 #i enjoyed answering it!

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pendragonsclotpole · 2 years ago

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Jumping on here to add that much of Arthur’s characterization in this series is built on the amount of times he has been betrayed, whether intentionally or unintentionally, by the people around him. Sure there’s Agravaine and Morgana, but Arthur’s first breach of trust was committed by his own father.

Uther’s A+ parenting and his steadfast adherence to being a king first and father second is in itself the first betrayal Arthur suffered. Not only is his own father an emotional wall of hatred and self-hatred, but based on what we know of Arthur pre-series, a younger Prince Arthur took some of that behavior and internalized it.

The first few episodes are the destruction of the just King and great (not good) man Arthur knew. I’ve always been of the opinion that for Arthur it was also a matter of: If Uther can be so cruel, vindictive, and tyrannical, what can that mean for magic? This breach of trust, destruction of childhood ideals—we all go through it with our parents, but Arthur experiences it in way that are so much worse because of the position of power his father holds. We watch as Arthur’s own father hurts his friends and ruins his son’s life. If anyone else did this, Arthur would seek out justice, but this is his father—the same man who taught Arthur these ideals. Uther’s death leaves Arthur with so many questions.

And then we have the Problem of Morgana. As far as I know, barring a few scenes in Season 1, Morgana was a sister/the closest thing Arthur had to a best friend before Merlin. Morgana was the picture perfect princess, the kind heart, the bleeding soul, the person with the upright morals who did not understand the hard choices a ruler had to make for the good of the kingdom. Morgana believed in fairness and justice, but without the cruelty. She was unequivocally a good person.

Morgana switching sides for reasons that are not even fully explained to Arthur given the Merlin factor is the second betrayal. There was a post on here I saw earlier about the deleted Merlin scenes and Morgana’s potential fleshed out characterization being more sympathetic, and their elimination reducing her to a cartoonish villain. I agree, but I also think the lack of those scenes makes Morgana into the cartoonish villain that Arthur needed her to become. If Morgana is that evil, then Arthur does not have to confront the other possibility: that he betrayed her, that he drove her to it, that he failed her, that his father was to blame, that magic has nothing to do with it, and that if it were anyone else, he might even be sympathetic toward her. But it also leaves him without closure.

Only one person understands the truth: Merlin. Throughout all of these years, throughout wars and poisonings and assassinations, only one person has maintained a steadfast and undying faith in Arthur. Merlin bites his tongue and becomes the one person Arthur can unequivocally trust. If Uther is a horrible man, if Morgana is evil, then Merlin can be the one person Arthur has in his corner and whose faith is Arthur’s faith.

The magic reveal has always been about Merlin lying to Arthur as opposed to having magic because Arthur has known for years that magic is not what he has been told it was all his life. Arthur has been able to bury that part of himself because of the people he trusts and who trust him. Merlin having magic, Merlin having fought by his side for years, that destroys the illusion.

Magic is just a metaphor for Arthur’s previous doubts in everything he has been taught and in himself. The biggest irony here is that Merlin is Magic. Arthur’s faith in himself was dependent on Magic itself. Arthur could never truly hate magic because he could never truly hate Merlin, but he could and did hate Merlin lying to him. Either it meant everything Arthur believed in was wrong, or magic, like Merlin, Morgana, and Uther, would always be a lie. Arthur asking Merlin to hold him was for me, Arthur understanding. Merlin may have lied to him, but Merlin would always be someone he could trust. The fanfiction that characterizes Arthur as anti-magic ignore the amount of genuine love Arthur has for Merlin. Sure, Arthur can react horribly to the reveal, but to make him behave like a monster toward magic just ruins who we know Arthur to be: a deeply compassionate but lost man trying to do the right thing by the people he loves. This entire series should just be renamed The Adventures of Miscommunication.

I have discovered that I don't like when fanfics have Arthur react badly to a magic reveal and then continue to have him be insensitive/rude/mean/discriminatory towards Merlin afterwards.

Of course, Arthur canonically reacts negatively to Merlin's magic reveal, but he comes around fairly quickly and the real issue was the deception rather than the magic.

Sometimes I'll read a fic and Arthur will be incredibly stubborn about magic being bad to the point where it's out of character. He had lost his mother to magic, but he still wanted to see the good in it when Uther was dying. Even after Uther died, he wanted to see the good in magic to save Mordred. He's always tried to consider the alternative.

Season 2, Episode 08 - "The Sins of the Father" "What if my father's attitude towards magic is wrong? Perhaps it's not as simple as he would have us believe. Surely not everyone who practices magic can be evil."

Season 5, Episode 05- "The Disir" "Perhaps my father was wrong, perhaps the old ways aren't as evil as we thought."

If it was the magic that bothered him in canon, he would've reacted far different. For example:

Arthur just watched Merlin (possibly) kill those two men. He watched his best friend and the person he trusted most use magic for violence; this is what magic is falsely associated with, but Merlin potentially confirms it in front of Arthur.

If the problem was the magic, he probably would've said something more along the lines of Merlin being a bad person or a monster. Instead he's far more focused on the fact that Merlin lied to him.

I don't mind if characters in fanfics are out of character sometimes, but I guess in this case, since it leads to Arthur being horrible to Merlin, it bothers me. It's an added reason to make him be cruel to him when there's plenty of reason there for a negative reaction already.

Maybe I'm just a snob or overly sensitive, but I guess an inaccurate portrayal of Arthur in magic reveal situations gets under my skin for some reason.

#merlin #merlin bbc #bbc merlin #merlin thoughts #merlin fanfic #arthur pendragon #medieval husbands #merlin emrys #merthur #two sides of the same coin

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weakforarwen · 3 years ago

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A Remedy to Cute All Ills

This episode isn’t particularly exciting, but some important things happen.

Gaius’s past comes back to bite him in the ass and it’s honestly not undeserved. I can understand why Gaius chose to save himself and pledge his loyalty to Uther, but I can’t understand why he is genuinely loyal to Uther, when the King turned his back on him any time a stranger showed up and accused him of something. The fact that Gaius initially refused to choose between saving Uther or Melin is truly baffling. All the good characters are loyal to Uther and would rather save him than see him dead, even if he’s a cold-blooded killer. It’s as if the writers believed loyalty to the King was a pre-requisite for being good. Giving your life up for a tyrant is rarely a good thing.

Truly, any episode in which saving the day means saving Uther is questionable at best. Edwin may have been “evil”, but killing Uther wasn’t such a bad idea. And we don’t even know if he was evil. He was manipulative and dangerous, but he only tried to kill the men who murdered his parents. When Arthur wanted to do the same, he wan’t evil, but Edwin is, of course, because he’s a sorcerer who does evil magic. The only people he really hurt had in coming, but sorcerers can’t be vengeful or angry, or wield their magic like others would a sword, without being branded as evil. And if they’re evil, then they’re worse than Uther.

Gaius’s cautiousness has always been cowardly and harmful. Merlin wasn’t allowed to use magic on Morgana because it was dangerous, but he could use it on the King, because his life was more valuable. Was it? Gaius was never willing to risk anything for Morgana, yet everything for the King. For that. Morgana went evil and the King betrayed him a handful of times.

Arthur and Merlin’s concern for Morgana was touching. In the first season, Arthur does very little until episode 10 or so, so there’s nothing else to say about him in this episode, but he was nice to Merlin too, which was... nice. Arthur only became an ass in season 2, for some reason.

Poor Merlin was brainwashed into thinking he shouldn’t use his magic at all, that it was dangerous to use it to treat people. Why? But he can use it on Arthur? Gaius’s influence in dangerous.

It’s odd that this episode marked the first and only time Gaius went to Kilgharrah for advice, but Kilgharrah was no friend of his, with good reason. He was told he either saved Merlin or the King, and after much deliberation he chose Merlin, which meant leaving Camelot. Poor Merlin... Gwen saw Gaius leave and told him he had a choice: to either stay and fight Edwin or walk away. It’s hard to understand how leaving Camelot would fix anything. Even if Merlin was saved, Edwin was dangerous and Merlin would be alone. But I don’t understand Edwin’s big plan to become King after killing Uther. Does he not understand how the monarchy works? He was hardly powerful enough to take Camelot by force.

Back to Gwen, whenever someone’s rude to Gwen, you know they’re evil. Edwin, Vivian, Morgana. Gwen knew Edwin had questionable intentions but she didn’t share what she’d seen with anyone. I know she’s only a servant but she should’ve tried to warn someone. It was nice to see her though. Just hearing her voice makes me happy. Her voice is so soothing. She’s definitely the moral compass of the show, always encouraging the characters to do the right thing and, above all, to be brave.

I just remembered that Uther let a stranger with a “remedy to cure all ills” alone with Morgana. What idiot does that?

I don’t have anything of interest to say, really. It’s a mediocre yet mildly infuriating episode in which magic=evil and Uther is saved by those who wish to bring magic back to Camelot. Magic is only good if you don’t use it for anything, it seems.

#bbc merlin #merlin #gaius #gwen pendragon #uther #kilgharrah #arthur pendragon #morgana #a remedy to cure all ills commentary #a remedy to cure all ills

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queerofthedagger · 4 years ago

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The Wicked Day is such glaring proof that Arthur isn't like Uther at all, like... There's this sorcerer who he knows fuck all about and who promises to cure his father. Arthur promises in return to free his whole kind once he's king. Considering he expected Uther to be saved, that's a BIG FUCKING PROMISE. And it's not as if Arthur just jumps and agrees in a "anything, anything you want" kind of manner; no, he actually thinks about it and recognises Dragoon's (Merlin's) suffering. There's this sorcerer that makes Arthur carry him on his back through Camelot and he puts all his damned pride aside because he just, he's so fucking hopeful. He's so fucking trusting.

And then? Then, to Arthur, it looks as if Dragoon still killed his father anyway. Despite that huge fucking promise. Despite everything between that, despite how glaringly desperate Arthur allowed himself to be. I mean—did it require one of the most important people in his life to almost die for him to go to this extreme? Yes. Could there be a point be made for how he "turns to magic for his own sake, like Uther did." Hmm. I'm sceptical because there's much more depth to it and for all that Arthur was the prince, for as long as Uther lived, he held rather little power especially on anything concerning magic, but probably, yes, you could make one. It wouldn't be a good one, but it would... certainly be one.

Anyway. And then, from his perspective, Dragoon actually, still, kills his father. Like, you genuinely cannot blame him for not buying Dragoon's expression of shock. And Arthur just—he fucking. He orders a search, yes. But that's it. That's the bare fucking minimum. And my point is not, "look how great Arthur is for not starting another purge over this!!" because while, yes, I could make that point and I'd be right, it's a ridiculously low bar and not what I'm about tbh. My freaking point is that Arthur's main objective, not at any point in time, was revenge. Justice? Yes, maybe, and rightly so from his point of view. Revenge though? Not at any point in time did that even occur to him.

Not at any point in time did it occur to him to blame anyone but—most of all—himself, and then Dragoon. It wasn't even his fucking fault. Of course, it wasn't Merlin's either and let's not get into Merlin's guilt because I will sob, but this is such a pivotal key difference to Uther at the very foundation of Arthur's character; that he never, not at any point in canon, thirsts for revenge on any of the people who—seemed to have—wronged him. He always blamed himself first and foremost up to a truly worryingly degree, and it's the direct opposite of how Uther dealt with his grief and guilt.

Like seriously, I'm by no means saying Arthur would've been justified in seeking revenge or god help us, start another purge. Doesn't mean there weren't enough prompts for him to follow in Uther's footsteps though, the one constant "role model/example" he's ever had.

And yet he didn't, he did the direct opposite, and I think people genuinely sleep on how very much this says about his character.

(Also don't fucking @ me, Gaius and Merlin not telling him about the necklace made sense at that point in time because it wasn't even established to Arthur yet that there was a traitor, but that's a post for another time.)

#arthur pendragon #merlin meta #i am yet again writing rants because I saw one (1) gif #also I'm still procrastinating but what else is new #listen i just have a lot of feelings about arthur and this whole period in time specifically because it's imo one of the moments where he #-- could've got SO CLOSE to turning into his father #and yes I'm saying this again and again but it's a freaking miracle he didn't and I love him #yes I'm aware that I overused the word fuck in this post to a worrying degree i can't help it

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regulusrules · 2 years ago

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This thread here is why I love this fandom more than anything else in life.

Allow me to add; critique-wise, this obsession was, in essence, Merlin's hamartia.

From the very beginning, we as audience figure out that Arthur's tragic flaw will primarily be related to the ignorance he acquired from his childhood. Arthur sees the world the way he was taught to see it: black or white. The ambiguity of grey characters is a mystery to him, which is chiefly why every time he gets betrayed he doesn't anticipate it or see it coming. He's always shocked that people don't have the same level of morality (even though he was a bully in the beginning but that faded because of Merlin: will continue to explain that) because he cannot contemplate doing the same thing to them. This is evident time and again with Morgana and Agravaine, who Merlin warned Arthur against several times over. And of course with Mordred, who was Arthur's downfall partially because of Arthur's blindness, not just from Merlin's decisions.

And like @fuckingfandomfreak said: Merlin came and added onto this utopia of morality. Not just by preserving it, but also by grounding Arthur and showing him the error of his ways when it came to bullying servants and having his nose in the sky. Arthur began to consider Merlin as part of this holy circle that could do no wrong because it helped in shaping Arthur. He genuinely believed that anyone he owed his gratitude to is sinless, how this way he has seen their truest self; which what makes the magic reveal ten times even worse: “Merlin, you are not a sorcerer — I would know.”

Yet, on the contrary, as evident as Arthur was, we are never actually able to discern Merlin's tragic flaw from the beginning. Will it be his power? His self-sacrificing nature? Oh but no, it had to be something so much more fundamentally rooted to human beings, something that not everyone would even consider a flaw:

Extreme overprotective love.

This extremity, like @kosmikowboj has said, turned Merlin into an extremely dark and cynical character. You would think it's partly the writers' error in characterization, but not really, no: Merlin does become a veiled antihero. He opposes anyone who would dare approach Arthur, magic or not. He leaves behind the golden dreams of bringing magic to the land in exchange of just Arthur's safety. He even goes to the greatest measure of literally telling Arthur: “There can be no place for magic in Camelot”, which, in my opinion, was the moment old Merlin was utterly gone.

Basically, Merlin's agenda only becomes Arthur's safety, and he doesn't even care about informing Arthur of it— he just goes on his way to ensure it, suffering and losing himself in silence. It wasn't even about destiny at that point— it was about Merlin's insurmountable fear of ever losing Arthur, because without Arthur who is he to give all his life and love to?

I recently read a line in a fic by Imagined that summed up Merlin's obsessive character:

“Merlin loves Arthur to the point of fear.”

Similarly, in my heart is readily yours, all that ever rings in my head at times from it is:

“How could Merlin say that sometimes it felt like his fear of losing Arthur surpassed even his love for him?”

And this.. this is what made Merlin truly lose Arthur. Because he couldn't let go of his obsession. Because he couldn't relegate some of his fears to Arthur. Because he couldn't shatter Arthur's paradise. Even when Arthur told him “I always thought you were the bravest man I've ever met.. Guess I was wrong”, he couldn't stand up to Arthur and tell him just how mistaken he is. If S1 Merlin did indeed see this cold, ruined version of himself like op said, he would have truly reigned down hell. (at least with his sass attitude.)

And that's what makes this show even the more painful, because the two of them grew to love each other so much that they ended up only projecting ideal visions of one another. Arthur couldn't believe Merlin would ever leave him because he always had this ideal of Merlin by his side. He couldn't believe Merlin had magic because that substantially breaks his worldview. And in reverse, Merlin couldn't bring himself to tell Arthur he has magic until the very last second. He couldn't share anything about himself or even remember his first ideals of bringing magic and living in peace because Arthur became his ideal.

In hindsight, what really should have happened was for them to just be given time. Arthur should've had time to realise all what Merlin did for his sake with no due credit. How they were grey actions coming from a supposed ideal, and how it is okay sometimes to mix those two and step out of utopia. And Merlin should've had time to realise that he didn't just belong to Arthur. That his destiny was shaped by his perspective and actions, not by foretold prophecies. That he could have loved Arthur and feared for him in parallel, in reasonable sync.

They should have had time to heal.

more merlin fics should dig into the fact that’s he’s like. legitimately kind of insane. like he heard that mordred was going to be the one to kill arthur and did not think for even a second before deciding to treat him like the literal scum of the earth. he would have lived in hiding for the rest of his life if it meant mordred was dead and, iirc, mordred hadn't even done anything yet. wherever arthur is concerned, merlin will bleed and suffer and kill and he does all of it with a blind loyalty that is definitely not healthy and I just feel like that is such a compelling character element that more people should play with.

#merlin character analysis #these threads bring back life in me #merlin #bbc merlin #arthur pendragon #merthur #ao3 #merlin bbc #regulusrules metas

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