#beautiful monster

[kikufukus]

𝗪𝗢𝗡𝗪𝗢𝗢 - 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗠𝗔𝗡 𝗣𝗢𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗥 JXW "THIS MAN" - 1st Single album

♡ please like/reblog if you use ♡

★do not repost★

[transbookoftheday]

Beautiful Monster by Miles Borrero

A breathtaking, exquisitely crafted memoir about a trans person’s singular journey through breaching the boundaries of gender—across generations, cultures and borders—to become his truest, most authentic self.

Nearing the age of forty, with an entire life already lived as a woman—half in Colombia, half in the US—Miles Borrero comes face to face with his father’s impending death. Suddenly realizing that he has been stalling his transition for fear of losing his family’s love, this moment catalyzes Miles’s determination to be fully known as his father’s son before it is too late.

In Beautiful Monster, Miles chronicles his unusual childhood, by turns riveting and hilarious, in ’80s and ’90s Colombia during the Pablo Escobar years, as well as his move to Salt Lake City to pursue acting and the winding trajectory that eventually lands him in the New York City yoga scene. Within these very different cultures, the realities of being queer and trans echo poignantly through the triumphs, heartbreaks, family dynamics, spiritual pursuits, and relationships that propel Miles along his path.

Sublimely nuanced and written in ravishing prose that is as unique and irresistible as its subject, Beautiful Monster is one person’s story of navigating the pressures to perform femininity while becoming a gender outlaw. Brimming with wonder, humor, and mythos, entertaining and enlightening in equal measure, this book offers a compelling case for embracing one’s true nature.

[nyxxlikeskpop]

Beautiful Monster by StayC

I am confused by the hatred of this song. This has the same vibes as other StayC songs.

I don't think its bad. The girls did a wonderful job singing and the beat is absolutely delightful.

If it came up in a playlist I would be bopping my head.

8/10

[qnonasweetpielove]

This song is such a masterpiece it makes me so mad that people hated on the girls bc of this??? are y’all dumb this is literally one of the best K-pop songs ever you all really have no taste

[unpopulatedbookclub]

Memes for Jex Lane’a Beautiful Monsters series Pt 5

[loonarii]

if you think about it stayc’s beautiful monster was majorly ahead of the trends in terms of aesthetics

[closingwaters]

TIMING: Current

SUMMARY: Teagan finally comes around to talk to Aeron about why he's paying a visit.

WARNINGS: Mentions of Parental Death and Sibling Death

It couldn’t be avoided for very long, could it? It was her own house and Teagan had burst into a sprint, as if she was the intruder. Maybe she was. She played the role of a sister, of a daughter, of a friend, but was she actually any of those things? In the way it mattered?

The nymph sighed, worrying her hands together and wiping the clamminess on the shirt she’d snagged from Arden’s closet. It was a comfort to have her scent surrounding her, bringing her a sense of peace. If only for a moment.

“I’m ready to talk.” Teagan walked to the edge of the lake, seeing a bobbing figure in the distance. Aeron was always rather good at camouflaging himself in the water, but Teagan always managed to find where he was. He had a way of moving that was all his own, and she saw right through it all. It was surreal to see him swimming in the lake she protected, and for a brief second, there was a semblance of relief.

After fifteen years, Teagan had the opportunity to watch her brother swim, feel the way her skin became abuzz with familiarity and warmth. She closed her eyes and smiled wanly, the expression fading when Aeron surfaced. Teagan had always revered his true form, the way his body resembled the very frogs they used to catch and release as children. Those were simpler days.

“Aye? You ain’t gonny attack me?” Aeron huffed, keeping himself at what he considered a safe distance.

“I’m…duw duw. You just—okay. No. I’m not gonny attack you, Aeron. I already explained why—just forget it. I’m much too bard over this. You said you wannae talk, so let’s talk.” Teagan rubbed her eyes, letting her true form rush over her body.

Aeron took in his little sister’s visage, both happy and torn to see it. Her skin was marred from years in a war that she began. At least she is alive, he thought. But how far gone was she? Maybe it was daft of him to believe she could’ve let go and become a version of the person she was before. Not the same, obviously, but just a hint. 

Sadly though, to Aeron, there was no chance of that. She was alive, but was she really? He went looking for her, against all odds, hoping that she had somehow survived on her own. The rest of the family had accepted a conclusion without evidence, believing Teagan had died in her pursuit, but not Aeron. So when he did his monthly internet search for his sister’s name, he was happy to discover she was not too far from the Aos Sí. One cryptic call and he was off to reunite with his baby sister. 

He almost wished he hadn’t. His baby sister was dead, and if he were to overlook anything, it could prove detrimental to the family, to the whole community. And that time, they might not be able to snuff out the fire before it burned everything in its wake. It would pour salt in the wound, but ties needed to be severed. Teagan was just too far gone.

“You haven’t changed. I thought you would have, you know? That you needed time. I didn’t want to give you that ultimatum, but the Aos Sí was in danger. You lashed out on everyone and almost gave our location away. And now this?” Aeron choked back a sob, gesturing to his remaining wounds with a glimmer of tears in his eyes. “Fifteen years and you’re still holding onto that darkness.” He opened and closed his mouth repeatedly until he managed to speak again, his voice laden with sorrow. “Is that all you have? Did you really let go of the good we had?” After all that time, after being given a choice, Teagan had chosen her path of hatred. As much as it pained him to believe it, Aeron wasn’t sure if Teagan would ever be capable of love. 

That, in itself, was a heartbreaking horror. 

Teagan stammered, squeezing her eyes shut, “N-no. You’re wrong. It’s not—” 

Aeron interrupted, “Look what you did to me!” He breathed harshly. “Ever since what happened to mam and our siblings, I just watched this darkness grow inside you. It consumed all the good.” Aeron harshly waved toward Teagan, his expression full of grief. “All of it.” He croaked, “I thought there’d be some left or that it came back, but no. You’re just—”

That time, Teagan interrupted, voice cracking against the jagged rock in her throat. “I’m a bad person who’s trying to be good, Aeron. I was scared. I have things to lose now.” She stressed a hand through her hair, “You think I got a darkness? I know I do. I know.” Her lips were trembling, the truth spilling out before her hesitance had a chance to barge in. “I’ve let a light in,” Teagan placed a hand at her chest, swallowing. “And her name is Arden. It doesn’t fix everything, and I’ve gotta do the work, but I am trying—and-and I-I got scared. Was attacked by a warden not long ago and almost died. And you know what?” She swallowed, hands curling into tight fists. “A hunter came begging for me to spare that hunter—his brother. Practically promised he’d-he’d protect me. Can you believe that? A hunter. And you know what?”

Aeron scoffed, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. He wanted to answer, guessing the hunter was now at the bottom of the lake, but he kept his mouth shut. Even if his baby sister had the strength to fight her darkness for a moment, who knew when how long it would last? She’d already made it evident that it could return in an instant, Aeron’s skin was evidence of that. No one was safe. Not him, not Teagan, and most certainly not the rest of their family. Still, he listened.

“I wanted to kill him, want-wanted to make him pay. But she…she helped me let go. Made the darkness fade just long enough for light to be shed on everything.” Teagan paused, blinking as she stared into the void. Finally, she looked back to Aeron, imploring him to hear her. “There was light and I made the right choice.” Her voice grew soft and hopeful, trembling reverie stuck to her lips. “I despised humans. You know this. And she…” Teagan’s shoulders raised with tension to her ears, releasing when she found her voice again. “She’s human, and wonderful, and sees past this monster I am.”

“She can afford to see past it, Teagan. She’s human. She doesn’t have hunters after her, or a community of fae to protect. But us? Your family? We can’t.” Aeron shook his head vehemently, waving Teagan away as he paced. “She will never understand and she will never know the fear we have. That is why we keep to ourselves and don’t go out looking for trouble.”

Teagan’s cheeks burned and she hiccuped from the way she tried to hold back the sobs. It was happening all over again. Only this time, Aeron had a grieving anger that wasn’t there before. As if he was blaming Teagan for the sentence he was bestowing onto her. “Please.” Teagan gasped out, hugging herself tightly. She wanted her family back. She was tired of the loneliness from the void in place of where her family should be. Why was she being punished for protecting her lake and herself? Change was happening. It was. It just couldn’t be instant.

“I’m trying, Aeron. I am. I am!” She took a step forward, and out of fear, Aeron took a step back. Teagan fell to the ground then, her knees hitting the wet earth and her hands squeezing the silt between her fingers. It grounded Teagan enough to look back up at Aeron, eyes of recycle bin blue and chocolate brown struggling to see through the blur of tears.

“Everything I’m doing is different, Aeron. I-I-I let her in. I-I am letting her show her heart and I’m showing her m-mine. She is becoming my heart. Do you understand?” Teagan’d scar her arms further, sell her own blood if that’s what it took to pay down the debt she sank into. Arden would do the same, and despite not understanding why, the nymph settled in and tried that much harder. She didn’t mind the pain so long as it meant that she could vindicate herself enough to be part of her family again. She’d do her best impression of forgiveness, become a sister and daughter again in the midst of the chaos, and commit until the effort had borne fruit. She would not quit, not sit, and pin a paper heart to her chest so she could make a target that her family’s love could land upon. 

But there would be no fruit.

“You’re too much of a danger, chwaer.”

The words shot down a weight onto Teagan’s chest and she buried her face in her arms as bowed on the ground. 

“Maybe in a few years, we can try again, but we just can’t risk it right now. Not to mention that human? You may think she’s a light, but you’ll…” Aeron believed even if this Arden human were of the decent sorts, his sister may be too far gone into her void. That she’d consume whatever light the human had. He thought better than to say that aloud. “You’re a beautiful monster, Teagan.”

“Monster?” Teagan replied, looking up again with her red-brimmed eyes.

“Aye. We all are. You just so happen to be the kind we fear, and we can’t be scared of our own family, can we?” Aeron blinked away his tears, a thundering storm raging inside. He’d wait until he was far enough away for his release. He was hurting his sister enough.

Aeron was right. It pained Teagan to accept, but he was. Existing in fear around your own family was no way to exist, and she wouldn’t put her family through that. Not again. There was still a chance. Aeron had said as much. She just needed to get better.

“Okay.” She said, defeatedly.

“Okay.” He replied, disheartened.

“You have my number now. Call sometime. If what you say is true, then at least we have that line now to check in, eh?” Aeron began to back away, healed from his wounds but somehow feeling worse than he did before. “I love you, chwaer. Always will.” 

“I love you, too, tadpole.” It came out hollow and weak, a reflection of what she was in that moment. Rolling to a sitting position, Teagan looked up with half-lidded eyes, too heavy with misery to fully open. She watched and sobbed as Aeron departed, the parallels on the exit not lost on her. 

She’d sit there for a while. Maybe until the next day.

[my-chaos-radio]

Release: June 8, 2010

Lyrics:

All my life

And the hereafter

I've never seen

Seen one like you

You're a knife

Sharp and deadly

And it's me

That you cut into

But I don't mind

In fact I like it

Though I'm terrified

I'm turned on but scared of you, oh

She's a monster

Beautiful monster

Beautiful monster

But I don't mind

And I need her

Said I need her

Beautiful monster

But I don't mind

No I don't mind (I don't mind I don't I don't mind)

No I don't mind (I don't mind I don't I don't mind)

No I don't mind (I don't mind I don't I don't mind)

No I don't mind (I don't mind I don't I don't mind)

In her eyes

There's love and fire

And my heart

She's burning through

But I don't mind

In fact I like it

Though I'm terrified

I'm turned on but scared of you

She's a monster (she's a monster)

Beautiful monster (beautiful monster)

Beautiful monster (beautiful monster yeah)

But I don't mind (I don't mind)

And I need her (and I need her)

Said I need her (said I need her)

Beautiful monster (whoa)

But I don't mind (I don't mind I don't I don't mind)

No I don't mind

Playing with my heart, mmm

And she's playing with my mind

And I don't mind I don't I don't mind

No I don't mind I don't I don't mind

No I don't mind I don't I don't mind

No I don't mind I don't I don't mind

And I don't mind

(I don't mind I don't I don't mind) Said I don't mind

(I don't mind I don't I don't mind) And I don't mind

(I don't mind I don't I don't mind) Beautiful monster

She's a monster (she's a monster)

Beautiful monster (beautiful monster)

Beautiful monster (ooh)

But I don't mind (but I don't mind)

And I need her (and I need her)

Said I need her (said I need her)

Beautiful monster (beautiful monster)

But I don't mind (ooh)

No I don't mind

no I don't mind

(I don't mind I don't I don't mind) no I don't mind

(I don't mind I don't I don't mind ooh) no I don't mind

Songwriter:

Mikkel Storleer Eriksen / Sandy Julien Wilhelm / Shaffer Smith / Tor Erik Hermansen

SongFacts:

👉📖

[adornesibley]

I saw this precious baby and had one thought:

(image source: https://www.dreamstime.com/dragon-heads-can-be-found-everywhere-kathmandu-s-handicraft-shops-there-aren-t-many-realistic-ones-tongue-eyes-image173279361)

my grandma sent me a picture of my dog with his new xmas present and i need a fucking inhaler LOOK AT HIM

oh to feel a fraction of the unbridled joy he is experiencing

[crimsonrainsimpflower]

JEONGHAN WONWOO WHAT THE FUCK

the new album is SO good???

last night guitar gives me 2010-15 instrumental pop song vibes, and its done SO GOOD so it doesn't even sound repetitive???

beautiful monster has me in a chokehold, my joenghan biased heart is absolutely ripping me anew one. his voice sounds so good i could SOB

Beautiful MOnster brought me close to the edge but Leftover princess carried me to the precipice and threw me over the fucking edge. Wonwoo's vocals??? the song gives me the same vibes that What Kind Of Future by Woozi did, and it makes sense cuz Woozi wrote the song. Wonwoo's voice+Woozi's compositions make the song a 10/10 like OMG

In short, go listen to the album guys.

[stillunusual]

Folk Devils - Brian Jones' Bastard Son (1984)

From the "Beautiful Monster" ep....

[stjohnstarling]

To truly, successfully eroticize the monstrous you must be brave enough to make the object in question actually ugly. At the heart of the fantasy is a person whose very form is so profoundly unacceptable that there is significant social stigma attendant upon finding them attractive - a person who feels deeply their own repulsiveness, who expects universal rejection for their appearance - and, crucially, another person who treats them as if they are beautiful.

For this to be effective, the monstrous character can't just be plain - they have to be wildly, fascinatingly unacceptable - prodigiously, fantastically, sublimely ugly. If you're anxious about the character not being hot you'll never pull it off because the entire fantasy is about not being afraid.

[blanchebees]

Day 10 - Perfect organism

Tip jar

[the-crooked-library]

i think i've mentioned it before in passing but it still fucks me up how Orlok is a physical manifestation of every "wrong and sinful" desire that Ellen tries to repress, as well as the panic that is associated with them.

the first sexual urges of her puberty (he claims her "ever-eternally"). the desire to dominate her husband (he dominates Thomas at the castle, demanding the subservience she never could). her queerness (he drinks from Anna, long and deep, and destroys Harding's family). the desperate longing for companionship, regardless of how dark and abnormal she believes herself to be (he answers her call from miles away, crosses an ocean for her, wants her, wants her, wants her - but she cannot imagine being wanted without repercussions, and so he brings the plague with him, a punishment for the sin of receiving what she craves).

Ellen is a mess of crushing guilt. she only ever sees ugliness in herself and i think it's so compelling to see her being desired above all else - not despite, but because of that ugliness, y'know?..

[unpopulatedbookclub]

Memes for Jex Lane’s Beautiful monster series Pt 4