#be more worth it if made to order
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my grail front summer-servants-go-arts-boom mvps (*´▽`*)
#my art#fate/grand order#fgo#modred#gilgamesh#robin hood#lancelot#fate/#story chapters have been sparse lately and i love drawing mvp group pics#so grail front has been a blessing#honorable mentions goes to lancer cu and penthesilea#it's time like these where they like to cost lock my servants that made max ascending everyone so much more worth it#i'm still thinking about grailing jason for all the atlantis pain!#also sorry for the lack of art#life hit me like a truck </3
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#work was intense today#i am a shell of a person#it was so busy#we had to call in reinforcments#my head hurts so bad :(#for 4 hours we had 10 or more orders up non stop and people were so mad#but we were just two gays with 3 fryers#so we could only go so fast#i think theres a doordasher who actually wants me dead#holy moly#i will say it was genuinely so funny because of how insane it was#so the comedy alone made it worth it#we were growling at costumers#at some point i grabbed a hot pair of tongues and staired a gentleman in the eyes#also at some point we turned off doordash and just stopped answering the phone#i cant stop laughing
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#hehe anxiety#i may or may not be way over my head w one of the classes i signed up for and it is Not fun times rn thinking abt it#also french is making me unnecessarily nervous i don’t think i realized before just how much of a relief it was for last semester of it to#be online#like i will have to speak it constantly In Person… to their Faces….#and i won’t be able to turn off my camera to pretend smth came up in the middle of class to avoid being questioned abt a particular topic#im iffy abt DNDJFNF#also i doubt tests will be open note now but it’s more the aforementioned that’s all the issue#anyway going back to The Class. it’s an engineering one and it says it doesn’t have any prerequisites but the textbook is enormous and#probably incomprehensible and i shouldn’t be taking it at this point#what i mean is the school has a recommended schedule posted online for the egr program and this one is supposed to be taken second semester#(for someone who has been doing the program from the get-go) after a few other egr courses#and i was going to follow the recommended order or whatever but then i realized there was a scheduling error that i made and suddenly they#didn’t fit anymore so i had to switch it around and now here we are….#it’s still only a level 100 foundational course for the major so hopefully it doesn’t actually matter and it will be fine but idkidk#personal#the engineering chronicles#the french chronicles#it’s also only worth one credit so if it does all go to shit it’s not like i will actually lose that much but :/
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Wonho was amazing tonight even if we didn't see a lot of him from where we were standing. Thank you for this unforgettable night, ugh, I made a whole bunch of friends, too and met some familiar faces!! 💙 He was absolutely adorable, btw, and there was a stretching intermission where he did it and we copied amskdkfgk.
#lee wonho#leafmiilk does stuff#wonho in munich#wonho european tour#there was this woman in front of me and she was so gorgeous i wnna cry i actually even got her insta ;;#and i met a whole group of austrians !! they were so kind and cool and cute#whenever jackson wang is gonna come to europe ( prayer circle ) we're all gonna go there together !!!#and i met the person I've ordered phone straps ( one Yuta one Seonghwa ) and other cute kpop stuff from and she's so cute too i wanna cry#basically i saw pretty women and made more friends ( even two ahgase who immediately adopted me when they heard nanana was my first cb )#and then i had a great concert and now I'm dead but it was worth it
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I have so many things to say about VnC but they r difficult to articulate -_- something something Vanitas has been dead since birth
#3/4ths od the VnC protags have a central conflict involving their belief that other people have died for them#And will continue to die for them#Which in all three cases leads to intense suicidal ideation and self harm#It is worth noting in all three cases there is an implication that upon the death of this other person#The survivor themselves 'died'#This is most obvious with Domi both as the lead to most overtly attempt suicide and because of her immediate response to this death#She functionally ''kills'' the self which existed prior to her brother's death and replaces it with a self based on her dead brother#Jeanne has this same imagery- she first 'dies' when her parents are executed and she is made a bourreau#And then 'dies' again once she is made to kill Chloé (i.e. when she is convinced Chloé has committed suicide to spare her)#Vanitas perceives just about everyone with whom he had any kind of intimate connection as having died for him#Regardless of the actual truth of this#And while people focus on the child who was killed in order to fake Vanitas' desath (LOL!)#(in the sense that this as well is an indication that another's death was the survivor's 'death')#This can be brought further back to the death of his father and then even further back to the death of his mother#Who died at his birth#So Vanitas more than anyone else. Has been dead from the beginning :)#logxx#logam
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god. ogh. agh.i want a source of inc*me already this post is dumb pointless whining tho dont look at it im just yearning
#like ig i have a sorta halfass one but its like...... not easy to do and certainly not like. super ''worth'' it in terms of time/effort#LIKE ITS GOOD FOR A LIL SMT NOW N THEN BUT#accidentally saw rly cute shit on clearance somewhere tho and im dying. i want the things. some of them are even things i#dont have much of now (pants (theyre shorts n i have more shorts than PANTS but i do also have. so much more tops thn bottoms))#but i guess i cant rly argue i ''need'' them#heart2heart#OH ALSO A SUNHAT I KIND OF..... hate how i look in hats but i kind of want a sunhat w a big floppy brim kinda badly#n like having one sure would theoretically be practical but its $10 and only ships if my order totals over 35 or whatever so#but wooughghgfhfghd#90% of this is not REMOTELY pressing matters but i AM agonizing most actully over 1 specific cute top thats clearance that i#super do not need its not even good for summer#but its CUTE and DIFFERENT#lays facedown on the floor its fine tho i am just simply a being made up entirely of Want Want Want Want Want Want W
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what if you joined my band (and we were both girls) 😳
— a girlparx awtto playlist.
❝ i wanna ruin our friendship! we should be lovers instead❞
here it is!!! the girlparx awtto playlist :) for when you have a girlcrush on your hot drummer with sexy abs and you’re desperately trying to make her understand you’re not just trying to be gal pals.
i’m really proud of the lineup!! mostly gay artists and also artists i wish were gay (hayley williams...pls) and 0% girl in red, clairo, or king princess and also frankly i think it just slaps. go forth and go fucking nuts over girl awsten and otto kissing with me
(track-by-track breakdown here)
#i was planning on waiting to post this until i posted the main girlparx fic but im slow so here u go#OKAY DIRECTORS COMMENTARY IN THE TAGS TIME:#thanks iz for the image manip i made the cover out of#thanks to all my sapphic friends who recced tunes (anne angela shay bailey) because god knows every 'wlw playlist!' is TERRIBLE#seriously if i get suggested one more king princess song i will destroy the algorithm with my bare hands. anyway#i aimed to strike a balance between 'irreverent obnoxious gay crush' and 'horny but in a gay way' and also 'noo im gay sad'#ALSO i think u should listen in order! for the narrative! u dont have to but i really really think u should!!!!!!#also theres like 5 or 6 references to e****g p**** on here see if u can find them all :)#IM JUST RLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS PLAYLIST!!!!! I THINK IT FUCKS#hopefully u will agree... and it is worth the wait :-) hehe#girlparx#awtto#playlist
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that last rb....thinking about Neji really gets me GOING
#like idk if i am reaching here but i see neji and hinata's story as such missed opportunity for comparison against zabuza and haku's story#like zabuza and haku's relationship was the way it was bc zabuza grew up being taught that the world had a natural order#in which the more powerful exploited the weak. used them as tools. and he 100% bought into that#so when he picks up haku he drills the same thing into this kid who 100% buys into it too#haku only views himself as a tool#BOTH of them are devoted to the philisophy that tells them tht haku's life is only worth anything in as much as it can be#used and sacrificed to zabuza's benefit#and the whole tragedy of their story is that neither of them can even fathom that there's another way to live their lives#that there's literally no reason that they have to continue to live by that system#and they dont realize that until its TOO LATE#well actually in haku's case specifically it is too late#dude dies with complete faith in the way he's been living#its zabuza who has to die knowing that he's made the most monumental fuck up of his life with this boy and how he raised him#meanwhile neji and hinata do not suffer from the same devotion to the hyuuga family system!!!#they are introduced as people who actively resent it!!!#hinata who was 'entitled' to use and abuse the lives of branch family as heiress#in much the same way that zabuza felt entitled to using haku#basically threw away that power and that title because it meant that she had to hurt hanabi#and neji begins the series with absolute resentment and bitterness for the system that seeks to use him#such a different attitude from Haku who only saw love and devotion in his abuse and gave up his own agency with absolute enthusiasm#neji is resigned to his fate at first but there's never a point where he does not hate it#and then after the chuunin exams he decides to take fate into his own hands and fight for a new future without this boot on his neck#zabuza and haku ended tragically because they were miserable but they didnt even see it#they couldnt even conceive of a better future for themselves#but neji and hinata saw the brutality for their family for what it was!!! they had the tools to fight back against it!!!!#and WHAT does the story have them do with those tools?!?!?#neji willingly throwing away his life JUST like his father????#and hinata honors his legacy with WHAT?#giving her son a stupid name#and making no effort to stop the system that destroyed her cousin and uncles' lives
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the ppl who hate on the resident evil movies are the same ppl who hate on the silent hill movie
#scatmaan complains#no fun at all#like theyre just enjoyable movies???#theyre zombie movies with sexy chicks in tight clothing#and theres also sometimes huge monsters#also how are you gonna act#like the games arent just as fucking stupid#when the last game had a magneto wannabe werewolf dude#huh#also im not including the 2nd silent movie#bc that one was actually bad#n the only thing that made it worth watching was more pyramid head#anyways#im watching the resident evil movies#n when i looked up their order#it was just tons of ppl bitching#abt how bad they are#://
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I think the funniest otome game love interest archetype to me on a meta level is The "Hurghhh I hate women" One
Just 'cause like....how did that happen...what was the writing room like.... what otoge developer thirty years ago was like damn y'know what the ladies will really like? Aggressive misogyny
#i mean i know the 'i can change him' thing is popular for a reason but like#there is a fine line to toe#and i feel like the 'angry at all women because his girlfriend died or broke up with him or whatever' is more effort than its worth...#and like most sexism in romance media marketed towards women and girls i dont care about its whatever#most of the time it tends to be in the more 'chivalrous' sorta situation where like yeah you know its kinda a mess#but its also some fun wish fulfillment for a lot of readers so yknow its a weird balancing act of escapism#but the straight up misogynistic love interest archetype....i just cant sorry qwq#i always have to like mentally block out those characters 'i hate women' character arcs in order to even take em seriously dhdhrjsj#i dunno its just strange and kinda interesting#theres always stuff to talk about with media primarily made for women especially when women are often involved in the process#many dissertations could be written djdhrjskkfdok#edit: i guess another reason i cant deal with this archetype is because the thing is i really really love women#like this bitch is like 'hhhhhggh women are weak and stupid' and its like sorry man i cant vibe with you we have conflicting interests#holds up my comically large sword#is this guy bothering you queen
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"trade Geno"
so besides the fact that trading Geno would be betrayal of the highest order (I'm not really joking*) look at this mess of a game, lmao. without Geno we lose to new jersey!! like, the fuck was that. lol.
#pittsburgh penguins#pens lb#yeah i'm a little late lol#*look. at nineteen years old this man took a backpack with some spare clothes and some cash and stole his passport back from the people#who had taken it from him and went into hiding in Helsinki for two weeks. he defected from his country like it was nineteen goddamn ninety!#in order to come play for the Penguins. in order to come play with Sidney Crosby.#and stayed with the Penguins despite the fact that he could easily have gone to another team and not only would he have made more money#but he would not have been the eternal second fiddle to Sidney Crosby. he could have gone elsewhere and been The Star Player.#'he's not that good anymore' 'he's not worth that much money' okay even if we accept that as true.#as an organization. as a collection of people. are you REALLY going to yeet him for some cash?#is that REALLY worth it to you?#not to mention... *looks directly into the camera* 'it's me AND geno'#pens#hockey#gmjr already took all of our emotional support swedes. you can't trade geno.#all those articles that call him the soul of the team aren't lying!
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18+ 28? 💛
Thank you for asking!!
18. What kind of candle scents do you like?
I love really seasonal ones (like the ones they have around Halloween and Xmas that smell like pumpkin and cinnamon and fir tree) and ones that smell like either the forest or the ocean
Also slightly embarrassing, but Yankee Candle used to have this one that was like....meant to smell like a guy??? And idk if they have it anymore but ohmygod that one was awesome. Like a warm hug from a cute dude that smelled good but in candle form!
28. Favorite dessert?
Ice cream (mint chip especially, with sprinkles if I can get them) or cake (any kind as long as it doesn't have nuts, my allergy to tree nuts strikes again lol.) My dentist will attest I have a terrible weakness for sweets, but these two especially I can't ever say no to!
#text post#ask box things#thank you for asking!#im planning on ordering myself more of that ice cream this weekend actually!#coldstone makes the best mint ice cream and its worth the delivery fee to get a huge jug of it with chocolate shavings and sprinkles in it#made the last jug last over four months! time will tell if i can do that this time though 😅
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O 👏 fuckin 👏 kay 👏
I've come to terms with some shittake that I've been feeling, and I now can breathe more and understand that yeah, I do need a lot more breaks, and some things I like can also be very damaging to me
FEELIN REFRESHED AND READY TO KEEP ROBOTING
#I should probably mention what the feeling was?#what I think I can sum it up as is:#I guess my envy started getting a handle on me#ESPECIALLY here in the tf fandom#because there are so many talented people here and whenever I look at things I'm so amazed but also so jealous#and that feeling was actually hurting me a lot for a while. it sped up my nightly depression time and kind of made me really bitchy#which then resulted in me feeling bad because it's NOBODY'S fault. there's not anybody to blame for this (except maybe me somehow but even I#don't think that's true)#so yeah. I do actually have a lot of problems with self-worth and especially when it comes to the work other people do#because other people are AMAZING and I guess I want to feel like I'm that good too?#but I'm clearly not#I have so many more years of practice to go and I need to keep remembering that#sometimes I think I need to rest#in order to do that I don't think I'll be on tumblr in general after 9? and yes I know it's after 9 now but this is important#I need to heal myself carefully and not stress myself out#I just need to be me. I have to know my limits#ten bucks says nobody's gonna read these tags fjjfjfjd#seriously though thank you guys for sticking around and putting up with my crap. I probably said this before but fuck it#you all are actually the best and make everything really really really nice in the world. or at least in mine. this is fuckin cheesy and ily#my post
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I forgot to take my medicine until half an hour ago so now I'm just writing out my thoughts while I wait for it to kick in so I can get some sleep :P
#I hate when I notice I use certain phrases a lot when talking to people xD#''Hopefully'' ''I'm glad'' ''I hope'' ''pretty sure'' ''it's all good''#and so many more :P#One of my friends went to the nier concert and they got me the exclusive shirt and I'm all happy about that :D#Also just because I've been thinking about it a bunch today#I honestly can't wrap my head around when people first meet someone and instantly decide they want to date without getting to know eachother#Is that a thing? I feel like that's a thing#Also I don't get why people enjoy watching people get angry while playing games and destroying stuff#Even when my friend does it when he's streaming I just close the tab and check again in half an hour to see if he's calmed down xD#I need to find a new audiobook to listen to at night because I'm just about to catch up on all of the series I've been listening to#I think I'm gonna do some perler beads tomorrow#I made a small one yesterday but it's still too cold and my hands start shaking after a bit even if I put my heating on xD#I found out today that my sister fixed my nephews most recent broken tablet and she's going to try and fix the others#Yay for not having to buy yet another one but also why didn't she try and fix them before just ordering new ones -_-#When I was a kid maybe 8 or 9 my family moved from Wales back to England#In the first house we were in we found a bin bag filled with old issues of the beano comic#I used to read the recent ones at the time and finding them was a cool experience#But once I read them I just gave them to my teacher to use for paper mache materials for the class#God knows if they were worth anything but I really should of kept them just because it would have been a cool thing to have#Not that I have ANY storage space in my current apartment#That's the one downside to living here#Socks ate all of his food before 3pm today and he wasn't happy with me making him wait until his normal evening feeding time 6-7pm#So instead of napping in his cube on my lap he's sleeping on the deskchair under a blanket :P#I'm probably gonna get a letter soon about going to see if my glasses need changing#I always end up getting pressured into getting the ones that cost over £100 because I'm so bad at saying no#Hey look this is what my brain is like if I don't take my medicine. Constant switching of topics for no real reason and no shut off function#All this is about 5-10 minutes#Minus countless iterations of ''pata pata pata pon'' and ''Shuraba Yapon''
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Okay finally an update
#To start the day I had those parthenogenesis/cannibalism dreams lol#And was convinced I woke up late#Nope but I did have to rush around a little this morning and couldn't find my pencil :'( No clacky friend with me#But I still made it and was mostly good forgot my vitamins but didn't get too dizzy today thank goodness#Finished that out so tomorrow's the last day :')#Came home and ma and I went out to shop and the like! Back to the bank I need to check my balance now that I think of it#Then to Best Buy to get some information out of them#I realized the laptop I was looking at doesn't have a number pad and that won't do At All so back to the drawing board on that one#Bought a mouse pad 'cause capitalism lol#And then off to my favourite secondhand video game shop#We were talking about picking up Pleasantville from the library but couldn't find it in the catalogue so I was like ''We should look there''#Lo and behold there it was! So ma bought it thank you ma#And I looked at the computers there lots of HPs not crazy about that but some seemed to be within smol's budget!#So that's cool#And then they apparently had a one-man museum come through and sell them like $3000 worth of gaming merch like omg#And he dropped off the original trilogy and Apollo Justice of Ace Attorney like holy shit!!!#The catch is they're unlocalized lol#But like the more I thought about it the more I was like ''Actually I do need this''#Unfortunately I only thought so after we had left and I did promise myself I wasn't going to make any purchases until I Had My Laptop#So as soon as I order that and it gets cleared you better fucking believe I'm going back and being like#''Hello give me the Japanese Ace Attorney please and thank you''#Gonna print out that Hiragana sheet I found a little while back and sit down and just fucking transcribe the game myself lol#It sounds like a great time#Take that - Phoenix from earlier - who said I wasn't gonna be interested in using my DS~#*!!#To be fair he did say rather that I wouldn't be playing DQIX and would be playing PWAA so I guess he was right on that point lol#And then the blood sugar crash! And more shopping so much shopping#And then home to watch Pleasantville and now I'm tired and vibrating with want of those games So Much#They said they likely wouldn't be sold but Fuck if I'm gonna leave it to chance#Oh shit I didn't even talk about my binder uhhh
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i know i said i’d shut up but here we go
#okay here's the thing. i don't want to date. i want a boyfriend. or even a fiance/husband. i want an established relationship#with someone who i know is my soulmate (yes i believe in soulmates i'm pretty sure don't judge me)#but i hate the idea that in order to find that person i'll have to sift through a lot of potential significant others#and most of those will be dead ends!! most potential relationships aren't going to work out in the long term!! and i hate that idea#something i've been thinking about a lot lately is how deeply alone everyone is. do we care about each other? sure#of course we do to some extent. but it's not the same. we aren't feeling each other's feelings#when someone else is dealing with something difficult we don't have the same stake in it as they do#so ultimately we are alone. my soul mate is the person for whom i'm willing to take on all of their difficulties as well as my own#and they'll do the same for me. and it'll be worth it because that's what real love is.#it doesn't really solve the loneliness thing. nothing does. you can't literally merge and become one person with only joint responsibilities#but trusting each other to care consistently and equally is something at least. that's what i want#but obviously i can't just go on tinder and find that out there waiting for me#i might never find it at all cause i know i have weird standards#i want someone who agrees with me on that. someone who i actually find physically attractive. someone who is nice to me#and to others when necessary. someone who loves animals. someone who at least kinda likes music.#someone with an adventurous spirit. someone who doesn't mind when i won't shut up about my weird obsessions.#someone who respects my interests even if we don't always like the same shit. someone who's affectionate.#idk i just feel like i have this image of a perfect boyfriend in my head. and i know that's not healthy#cause i keep hoping that guys i meet will turn out to be that perfect guy. i should be more open to possibilities!!#that guy doesn't exist i made him up!! but there might be an actual guy out there who would be perfect for me if i gave him a chance#but i won't because of my stupid high standards
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