#I need to heal myself carefully and not stress myself out

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I think it's very fun to talk about mental health in normalizing conversations because when I was little and I would tic so hard for so long that I started crying, my mom would hold my hands and tell me to stand on her toes and she would "dance me through it" and so I would and she would spin around and around, stepping carefully so my little feet never slipped off the top of her feet, but moving fast so I would get all giggly and dizzy, and by the end she was right! My ticcing wasn't as bad anymore.

And like. I know now that it's because I was actively stressing myself out trying to stop ticcing, and since my tics are stress-reactive that obviously made it worse, but at the time I was just a kindergartener living in a world where dancing made my body stop performing the compulsions and so sometimes I would "dance myself through it" if mom wasn't around and when people maxe fun of me for it, I couldn't do that around them anymore and so I would tic more often and get more overwhelmed and there were days I wouldn't stop ticcing for hours on end because no one but my mom was willing to just let me dance through them.

But until the first time that happened, I didn't know there was anything unusual or unfamiliar to others about what I was doing. My mom was just so matter of fact about it "when you can't stopticcing, that's your body asking you to move and dance amd get the stress out" so I believed her! Of course I did. And she was right even, at least for me.

I was an adult by the time I learned that my mom ticc'd too, because she'd been doing what she taught me for so long that it was rare it happened visibly anymore, and it made sense that she'd been able to move me through my own experience so gently after that. But what if it didn't take a parent sharing our experience to be able to exist in a context that doesn't pathologize or shame what's happening?

Anyway, I've been in and out of various inpatient and outpatient programs since I was 7yrs old, and nothing did more damage to me than the people who taught my mother that there were things about my brain and body that were Wrong TM and needed fixing when she had spent the entirety of my life up to that point accommodating my needs and helping me understand how to coexist in the world on my own terms. I've benefitted from having names for things, sure, and I've had great healing and community in peer groups based around sharing those experiences. But at the end of the day, it is when those same spaces allow me to decide how to talk about what my life feels like that they have meant the most to me. I will always be grateful to the mental health care providers in my life who have been supportive of this type of care for me, but ultimately I also understand that they were able to do that because they were actively breaking down my framework of "because I experience x, I must compensate with y" into a gentler version that goes more like "because I experience x, I may need to seek out y outcome in different or unexpected ways."

I don't know why that makes as much difference to me as it does, but it does.

Anyway, I want to do for someone else what my mom did for me. I want someone else to get to feel like they can ask themselves what they need to get through something and not set any particular moral or emotional meaning to that need.

I have, among others, symmetry tics. If I experience a sensation on one side of my body, I will often reflexively try to adequately mirror it on the other side of my body. One of the pitfalls I often fall into is "the symmetry tic was actuallya different sensation and now I have to mirror THAT on the original side" and off we go into a tic spiral. The trick, for me, has been learning how to hold myself safely in the stress of the tic compulsion until the original sensation passes or fades and that allows the compulsion to fade with it. That can be hard, but taking a cue from my mom, I've found that when I occupy my body with movement, especially goal oriented but indefinite movement like dance, I have a MUCH easier time waiting for the trigger sensation to fade. I think it's good for those of us with experiences we often feel compelled to hide from view to get time in the sun. It lets us remember that our existence is not inherently side-lined in favor of other existences, and we do have the right to ask people to work with us on creating space for our own version of living. That may not guarantee us the desired outcome, but I've found that feeling you have the right to ask in the first place and actively come to the conclusion TOGETHER that there is not a solution is what seems to allow me to make those compromises without feeling erased or ashamed when I do.

[auraisereigh]

"One chance"

chapter ten

Brennan Sorrengail x Riorson reader Blurb: When finally reunited with her brother Star finds herself overwhelmed by the state he is in. wc: 5.3 ☆ SPOILERS FOR THE EMPYREAN SERIES. Wounds/injury. Yelling, False accusations? Uses pronouns: she/her. i use Star as a nickname as y/n sounds weird, and i'm awful with names.

I am working on the requests you lovies put in but I'm currently extremely stressed and busy with school. ☆

Masterlist ☆ Dragon guide ☆ Star's story ☆ Empyrean guide ☆ Support me

I look at my brother for the first time in over than two months. He looks almost the same as before but he has visible bags under his eyes, and the way he's leaning against our father's throne is tense, like he's in pain.

Aethan pats my back before leaving us alone. The nauseousness is my stomach turns to pure relieve. He's alive.

"Xaden." I whisper. "Star." He responds but even his voice holds a note of pain.

I walk closer to him. I go to hug him but his hands keep me at a small distance. "Don't." He says. His voice is breaking. My worry skyrockets. "What's wrong?" I ask, my face twisted in worry. "Tell me." I urge. I need to know what's wrong, I need to help him.

"It's my back." He responds and his voice wavers as I see a tear fall. I frown and walk around him. I grab a hold of his shirt and the sweater he's wearing and slowly pull it up. I make sure to be gentle, what's on his back must hurt a lot of he's on the verge of crying. I never see my brother cry, the last time was when mom left.

When I lift the shirt and first see his back, I gasp, covering my mouth in shock. My body trembles, the sight overwhelming.

It's covered in cuts.

I lift his shirt up higher, almost to his neck. His entire back is covered in cuts. Some look fresh as if they were reopened, some actually look like they're healing. I lower his shirt carefully. i take a deep breath, calming my own emotions.

"How?" I whisper. "I made a deal to ensure the safety of all the rebellion children. At the age of Twenty we have to go into the Riders Quadrant. I took responsibility for all of them. If they do something that's against Navarre, my life is forfeit." He explains through the pain even though I can see he's trying to hide it.

Damn him. Damn his deal. This moron, I swear. For the love of the lord. What was going through his mind. Yeah sure, let me take responsibility for all those children.

"Each cut… it represents one child. All 107 of them." What? I blink, trying to get my mind to cooperate. "Who did it?" I ask, my voice cold. I have an idea, I just hope it isn't that person but deep down I know it is.

"General Sorrengail." He says. My mind turns to pure cold ice. "Get to the healers. Now." My voice leaves no room for discussion. "I'll find you after that." That's the last thing I say before I walk out the room, my anger visible on my face as I walk past by the assembly members.

I make up to the third floor. I don't even bother knocking, I just hope it's unlocked. I push the door open and slam it behind me.

Brennan flinches from the sound. "Your mother is a wretch. A cruel wretchful woman." I bite out as I restrain myself not to yell. He frowns and he gets up from where he sits on his desk chair. "What do you mean?" He ask softly. Why is he always that soft? Does he also think I'm that fragile that if you bite back I'll tremble and shatter?

"Your mother dragged a knife hundred and Seven times through my brothers back!" I scream but there's more pain in it than anything else. His hands go to my shoulders to ground me. "Don't touch me." I brush his hands off. "I didn't know, I swear." He assures me, letting go of me and giving me some space. "She burned down my home, my city, my people. She executed my father, my family. She cut into my brother a hundred and Seven times! For you! She did that for you. Her son, who she thinks is dead. She's willing to wipe my culture, my home off the map, for you! To avenge you. And for what? For a son who just ran away, who's not even dead." Most of it is pretty much true. All of this was not his intention, but it still happened.

"Why don't you go back, huh? Go home. To your mother. Tell her she did all of that for nothing. Tell her that Fen Riorson shot you with an arrow. Tell her you survived and that you didn't go home because you don't stand by what she does. By the lies she tells. And maybe, in one go, tell her that Fen's daughter is alive so she can come and kill me too." I yell the last part. I put all my pent up emotions in those words. I can feel my eyes glow their red hue.

I'm so tired. Of all this, every little thing that goes wrong pushes me into an even darker corner. Where there's good, bad usuals follows. When I want to open myself up to him, this stuff happens, which seems to backfire all the progress I had made to even get to the point of considering opening up to this man.

He takes a step back and my heart aches. Where there's good, bad follows, Xaden is back but now Brennan is further gone.

I take a step back myself, until I lean against the door I slammed not even five minutes ago. I slide down the door till I hit the ground. He also takes a seat on his chair again. We don't say anything for a while. It's just a quiet, tension filled room. But then Brennan speaks up.

"I didn't mean for any of it." He says quietly. "I didn't know what my mother would do when she'd found out I was....gone." He explains. "But she hurt you, in more than one way. And even if it's not my fault, you wanna take it out on someone, and the closets to her is me so that makes it understandable that you'd yell at me but do not think for a second that this is something I wanted." His voice is soft but he holds a stern tone at the end. That's fair, to defend himself.

I don't respond, I don't see the point. I've said what I wanted to say.

I sit drained on the floor, completly exhausted by emotion "yeah... Fair." I mumble. I don't even have the energy to argue with him anyway. He holds a fair point, none of this is his fault. All of this is weirdly connected in a way he could have never guessed was possible. Then why does it hurt so damn much? Why does it all have to hurt so much?

I grab the door handle to help me stand up. Once I stand I lean against it before standing back on my own legs now that they don't feel like jelly anymore. I rub my temple, a rough headache forming, my throat dry and aching from yelling.

I open the door when he speaks up. "Where are you going?" He asks, getting off his chair and walking to me. "I have to help my brother." I mumble, headache pounding.

"I know you do." He replies softly, putting a hand on my arm. "You don't trust me. Every time you try to something happens that makes you distant. Give me a chance to prove I can be trusted. One chance is all I ask." His voice is soft and pleading. "Why do you wanna know me? I'm not even that special." I question. What is it about me that he keeps trying to know me? "Because Naolin always said you were special. From what I heard you were an amazing friend to him and maybe that's what I want for us." He explains. I can hear the vulnerability in his voice.

"I'm not a good friend." I state, my voice drained. "One chance." He repeats, his eyes look straight in mine. Those same eyes that glowed red not that long ago. "One chance." I whisper.

His eyes light up at my whispered words. "Thank you." His words are sincere, genuine. "I'll come to your room. Friday night, then you can still get some time with your brother, is that okay?" I nod and something in my heart grows fuzzy at the thought of spending time with him.

"Okay, good. I'll see you then." He smiles. I manage to give him a small, genuine smile back.

☆

Taglist: @honethatty12 @smashee0789 @awkardnerd @randomperson1234sblog@bangtanxberm@hyperactive-bookworm-0 @littowl

[rootedinrevisions]

Twisted Fate: Part 2

SUMMARY: As she navigates the aftermath of the storm, Lexi must confront the lingering emotions and unspoken words that have haunted her since their breakup. Bound by the twist of fate that brought them together again, they must decide if their reunion is merely a consequence of circumstance or the universe's way of telling them something else.

WARNINGS: Angst. Violence/Blood (Storm Damage & Injuries)

WORD COUNT: 1.7k

PART 1

The first aid tent was bustling with activity, a haven of controlled chaos in the aftermath of the storm. Medics moved swiftly, tending to the injured, offering comfort and care. I sat on a cot as a medic carefully bandaged the cut on my head. The pain was dull but persistent, a reminder of the ordeal I had just survived.

"There we go," the medic said, securing the bandage. "That should hold for now. You'll want to change it at least once a day until it's healed. You've got a mild concussion, but otherwise, you're in good shape considering everything. Take it easy for the next few days, okay?"

You nodded, offering a small smile of gratitude. "Thank you."

"You're all clear to leave. If you need any supplies or a place to stay there's a red tent next to us that has blankets, clothing, food, and water. They're also helping get people a place to stay for the night if you need it," the medic continued before she moved on to the next person.

As I gathered my things and prepared to leave the tent, my eyes wandered, taking in the scene around me. That's when I saw him - Tyler - on the other side of the tent. He was talking to a girl with blonde hair pulled up with a claw clip. Her face was streaked with dried blood. She looked pretty banged up, her clothes torn and dirty.

I watched as Tyler reached down and gently brushed a piece of hair from the woman's face, tucking it behind her ear with a familiarity that sent a pang through my chest. My mind immediately flashed back to the days when he used to do that for me, a simple gesture that had always made me felt cared for.

Who is she? I wondered. Clearly, he knows her, but to what extent? Is this just someone he helped out of their destroyed home earlier? Probably not, I reasoned. It's a small town, and I know just about everyone. And a hair tuck behind the ear seemed a little personal for someone he would have just met.

My mind spiraled further. Was she a new fling? That month's flavor? Or maybe she was something more serious - a girlfriend? The thought gnawed at me, a mix of curiosity and jealousy twisted in my gut. I looked away, trying to push the thoughts from my mind.

As I stepped out of the tent, the late evening air hit me. The devastation around me was immense, but the resilience of the people here was palpable. I took a deep breath and tried to focus on the fact that I had survived and that I was safe, at least for now.

Later that night I sat in a hotel room. It was modest but clean, a temporary refuge arranged by the volunteers. They had set me up in a hotel the next town over, giving me a place to stay while I figured things out. The American Red Cross had provided me with a change of clean clothes and some toiletries, small comforts after the harrowing day I'd endured.

I stood under the hot spray of the shower, letting the water wash away the grime and stress of the day. The heat soothed my sore muscles, and for a brief moment, I allowed myself to relax. But the relief was short-lived. My mind kept drifting back to Phoebe, my beloved cat, and the worry gnawed at me. Where was she? Was she safe?

After the shower, I dressed in the clean clothes provided, feeling somewhat refreshed but still weighed down by the enormity of my situation. I sat on the edge of the bed, the unfamiliar surroundings making everything feel more surreal.

How do I even begin to pick up the pieces of my life after something like this? I didn't have any family. My parents were gone and I was an only child. I suppose I could try to reach out to my aunts or uncles. See if they could provide any sort of help.

The loss of my home, the uncertainty of the future - it all felt overwhelming.

And then there was Tyler. I couldn't stop thinking about him and the blonde woman I'd seen him with at the first aid tent. The image of him tucking her hair behind her ear played on a loop in my mind. Who was she to him? Why did it matter so much to me?

I sighed, lying back on the bed and staring at the ceiling. Everything felt tangled and confused. The day's events had left me emotionally and physically drained, yet sleep seemed a distant possibility with my mind racing like this.

As I lay there, the worries and questions swirled around me. Phoebe, Tyler, the future - everything felt so uncertain. The only thing I knew for sure was that I had to keep going, one step at a time, and somehow had to find a way to start again.

Later that night, I lay in my hotel bed, staring at the ceiling, the weight of everything kept sleep at bay. The clock on the nightstand showed just after 10 PM, and I couldn't shake the thoughts swirling in my mind - Phoebe's whereabouts, the uncertainty of my future, and the lingering image of Tyler with the blonde woman.

A knock on the door interrupted my restless thoughts. I rolled out of bed, immediately assuming it was probably some kid running up and down the hallway, knocking on random doors. However, when I opened the door I was surprised to see Tyler standing there.

He held a cardboard box in his hands, and beside him on the ground was something I couldn't quite make out in the dim hallway light. I opened the door wider, curiosity piqued.

"Hey," Tyler said, his voice soft. "I've got something for you." I could see the grin forming on his face as he motioned to the thing on the ground beside him. Then a soft meow emerged from within.

"Phoebe!" I said excitedly as I knelt to look into the pet carrier.

"I found her," Tyler explained, setting the box down and opening the carrier. Phoebe stepped out cautiously, looking around the unfamiliar room before rubbing up against me. Relief washed over me as I scooped her up, holding her close.

"Thank you," I whispered, my voice choked with emotion.

Tyler nodded, his eyes warm. "Someone found her and turned her into the animal tent. I claimed her after the veterinarians assured me she was okay.

He then gestured to the box. "I also managed to get a few things from your home before they declared it unsafe to enter. Just some photos and sentimental items I thought you might want. There wasn't a lot that I found, but it's better than nothing, right?"

Tears began to well up in my eyes, gratitude mixing with the sadness of everything I'd lost. One box. That's all that I had left of my life.

"And," Tyler continued. "I stopped by Walmart and got you a new litter box and food bowl for Phoebe. There's some food and litter in there too for you. Thought she might need them while you're here."

I couldn't find the words to express how much this meant to me. Tyler's kindness, his thoughtfulness - it was almost overwhelming. I managed a shaky smile, looking up at him. "Thank you, Tyler. Really."

He smiled back at me, his gaze softening. "It's the least I could do. I'm just glad you're both safe."

There was a short pause after he spoke. A moment of silence heavy with unspoken emotions. Tyler shifted slightly, breaking the stillness "I'm going to go get the cat supplies from my truck. I'll be right back."

Before he could move a woman's voice interrupted. "I have them."

I turned to see the blond woman from the first aid tent stopping in front of my door, holding the items Tyler had mentioned. I went to thank her, only to realize I didn't know her name.

"Thank you-" I began, hesitating.

"Kate," she replied with a warm smile. "I'm Kate."

"Thank you, Kate," I said sincerely, taking the supplies from her.

"No problem," she responded. She then turned to Tyler. "Javi and I are heading for the hotel for the night. Do you want us to wait in the car for you?"

Tyler thought for a moment before shaking his head. "No, I'll catch up with you later."

Kate nodded a hint of concern in her eyes. "Alright. Just don't stay up too late. There's another storm system rolling in north of here tomorrow. We'll want to get up early to start chasing."

So she was a storm chaser. I began to wonder if she was part of Tyler's crew or just someone he had come to know working in the field.

Kate left, and as the door closed behind her, I turned to Tyler, curiosity gnawing at me.

"She seems great," I said, trying to sound casual.

Tyler grinned, and I noticed a certain look in his eye. I knew that look. It was clear he had feelings for her, even if she wasn't his girlfriend. "Yeah, she's great," he said, his voice carrying a warmth that told me everything I needed to know.

He didn't offer any additional information, and I didn't ask. It wasn't my place, and there were more pressing matters to focus on. Still, a small pang of something - jealousy, maybe - twisted in my chest.

It then began to dawn on me. This would probably be the last time I saw Tyler. Tomorrow, he would go back to storm chasing and being a YouTube star with his one million fans. The realization stung, knowing that the brief reconnection we had was just that. Brief.

I turned back to Tyler, who was looking at me with a mix of emotions in his eyes. "Well, I should get going," he said softly.

I nodded, trying to muster a smile. "Thank you again, for everything. And good luck with that storm tomorrow."

Tyler hesitated, then reached out and gave your should a gentle squeeze. "Take care of yourself, Lex. And Phoebe too."

With that, he turned and walked out of the room, leaving me standing there, the weight of everything pressing down on me once more. I closed the door and sat on the edge of the bed, Phoebe curling up next to me. As I stroked her fur, I couldn't help but feel a mix of gratitude and sadness. The future was uncertain, but at least for tonight, I had a roof over my head and my beloved cat by my side.

TAG LIST: @omgbrianab I @shanimallina87

[gamergirl-niffler]

Very very urgent emergency request! Just stumbled upon your blog after that fluffy Howl fic of yours; couldn't resist sticking around for more of your fantastic headcanons.

I recently experienced something truly awful a few days ago.. While enjoying a party with my friends, the atmosphere suddenly shifted, and I began feeling unwell. Since then, there's been a blank space in my memory. The following day, upon waking up in our shared apartment, I discovered that I must have experienced a sex*** abuse. I'm currently terrified, in pain, and enduring ongoing bleeding from my private area. Trust has become a challenge, and I'm overwhelmed, wishing I could just disappear. Unsure of what steps to take, I find myself reaching out for comfort of any, any kind.. May I humbly request comfort from Dabi, Bakugo, Enji, Todoroki, and Kaminari, along with their girlfriends, who have navigated similar challenges?

If this plea is too much, please feel free to disregard it. I deeply appreciate your writings, as they bring immense comfort to many.

Oh, my dear Anon...

I am so sorry to hear that something like this happened to you. I can only imagine what you feel right now.

Please, if you feel like you need to talk to someone, feel free to drop into my messages and let's chat a little!

I hope those headcanon will bring you at least a little bit of comfort.

Mha men & sexually abused s/o

Dabi

- Dabi is burning with anger. Of course he isn't mad at you, he is mad at the person who even dared to violate you this way.

- He should stay with you but he leaves. Of course he couldn't stay. Touya doesn't leave you because of the disgust or hate. No. He is going for a hunt! It doesn't matter if it's one or a few people... All police could find were few bodies burned beyond recognition.

- Touya returns to your shared apartment, sheds his coat and is all yours from now on. He doesn't speak a word about what happened unless you feel the need to talk about it. He won't press but will listen when you need to throw it all out. 

- He knows some doctors that aren't sketchy but at the same time they won't call the police or anything like this. 

- Even if you are scared, Touya pushes you to get checked. He of course stays with you to provide comfort and show you that you are safe with him. Touya knows you are suffering mentally but he doesn't want the physical suffering to continue if there is a way to stop/heal it.

- Back at home Touya stays near you. He wishes he could be glued to you but he understands you need some space.

- When you tell him you need any kind of closeness - he is there immediately, wrapping you in his embrace, holding you as close as possible.

- It takes you a bit of a time to open up to him. You tell him everything; and he listens to it without a word. 

When you start to cry he just squeezes you harder until you calm down. Once this happens, Touya starts to tell you, "I'm sorry, doll. I am sorry I wasn't there to protect you but from now on... I will always be near. No one will ever hurt you again. I love you and I'll make sure to help you however I can."

- And he really does it. Since that unfortunate day, Touya does everything to make you feel safe and to help you heal; both mentally and physically. 

He doesn't push your boundaries but helps you carefully move them as you heal and again open yourself up to him.

Touya never healed himself from his past so seeing you getting better even after such a scary situation makes this villain smile.

Bakugo 

- He is pissed but he won't show it openly. You went through enough stress already and his anger wouldn't help someone in your position so he stops himself from yelling.

- Bakugo doesn't immediately push you to talk. He is more concerned about your health so his first step is to convince you to visit a proper specialist. He doesn't want you to be in pain or to suffer.

When you finally agree to visit the doctor, you are going there with your blond guard dog because Katsuki isn't leaving your side. He will even fight the doctor if it means staying by your side through the visit.

- Back at home, Bakugo is completely different than normal. He is calm and quiet around you. 

- If he decides to give you a kiss, hug or simply get close to you he'll ask for your permission beforehand. Just to be sure you are comfortable with him and his touch.

- If you are on any medications he makes sure you take them, it's for your own good afterall. 

- Katsuki makes sure to provide comfort in every way possible. He cooks or orders your favorite comfort food so the two of you can enjoy some tasty food together. 

- When you feel comfortable enough to open up about what happened, Katsuki just pulls you into a tight hug. "It's okay now. You're safe and I'll make sure to get the bastard that hurt you. I'll make him pay."

- And he really does. Whenever you are asleep or busy with something, Bakugo is on his phone or computer, working his ass off to find the person that did it. He is going to make sure whoever did this will pay the appropriate price for hurting you.

- Whenever you need it, he is ready to hold you close while gently caressing your hair and back. He will talk even about the most silly thing just to see you smile just a little bit. Staying quiet is also something he is ready to do, spending time in silence isn't a problem for him.

Enji

- Enji isn't home very often so it's easy for you to hide it all and just choke yourself with this traumatizing experience.

- When he is actually back, he quickly notices the changes in your behavior. You were like a candle light; warm and happy and now? You resembled an extinguished candle... Cold and sad looking.

- It annoys him because he is really trying for you but suddenly you are all distanced for no reason! Not only in everyday life but also in bed.

- Enji finally confronts you, demanding answers from you! He is your lover, so how dare you ignore him?! Of course he is not gentle about it.

- As you reach your breaking point and admit to what happened at the party you went to, he is shocked that something like this happened to you. 

- He is not a master of comfort so at the beginning he isn't sure what to do but in the end Enji pulls you into a tight hug. "Forgive me for being so harsh on you. I'll do better."

- This is a promise he actually keeps up with! Enji is trying his best to understand your needs and boundaries now.

- He pays more attention to you, building up the trust again to show you that you can still trust him and nothing has changed between the two of you.

- Enji loves to hold you close and just comfort you when you feel bad. He enjoys cuddling your smaller frame, making sure that you feel protected.

- If you think he will leave it just like that and do nothing about it you are really wrong. He is a Number One hero and whoever dares to hurt you, now has to deal with him. Enji uses all of his contacts and influence to find that bastard. 

- He makes sure you are feeling safe and loved again.

Shoto

- Poor guy is deeply confused when one day you go completely quiet. He is worried if you made it home after the party.

-  After receiving no information from you, Shoto goes to your place to check on you. Just to be sure you are okay.

- The state he found you in was heartbreaking. His beautiful girlfriend, his little ray of sunshine suddenly being in distress and bad mental shape.

- He approaches you carefully, asking questions to find out what happened.

- When you reveal what happened the night before, he is shocked. How could someone even do this to another person?

- Of course Shoto doesn't judge you. It was beyond your control and he understands but he slowly talks you into going to the right authorities.

- Shoto goes with you everywhere to make you feel good and safe. He won't allow anyone to get too close to you.

- Back at home he is mostly quiet, letting you decide if you feel like talking or doing anything together.

- When you tell him yes, Shoto is all over you. He wants you close to show you all the love he has for you. 

- His favorite thing to do is to simply hold your hand. It gives him this feeling of intimacy and shows him you still trust him.

- Shoto's second favorite thing is holding you right before falling asleep. You look so cute and despite what happened, he is happy you are with him. "My love. I am so lucky to have you and I promise you that I won't let anyone hurt you ever again."

- Like every hero he won't let it slide. Shoto will make sure that whoever did this pays for your pain.

Kaminari

- When he finds out, he is terrified and blames himself for this. He had to go with you but a sudden shift in schedulge made him go to work while you went to the party.

- He really doesn't know what to do BUT he quickly gathers himself. You need him and he is there to serve. 

- Just like others he accompanies you at the doctor and during the talk with authorities.

- Back at home Denki is really careful around you. Always asking if you need anything, making sure you are okay with stuff he does. He never leaves you alone unless you request him to do so.

- He buys your favorite snack and even tries to bake something you like. Even if he isn't the best at it, he'll try his best for you!

- You feel like watching some silly movie or show? He is there with you! 

- Or maybe you feel like just laying down and listening to some music? This dude made a playlist from all your favorite songs!

- Denki is ready to do everything to make you comfortable. Your smile is the most beautiful thing in the world and he is going to work hard for it to appear again upon your pretty lips.

- Even if he blames himself for your harm, he'll never tell you about this but instead he will do EVERYTHING he can to make you feel good again. "We'll make it work, yeah? I won't leave your side and we are going to work through it together." He always assures you with a big bright smile.

- Whoever dared to put hands on you can't sleep peacefully. Kaminari, with the help of his friends, will hunt this bastard down and bring him to justice.

[crimsonfic]

Sanemi Shinazugawa Fanfiction- Turbulence

Foreign Musician Y/N

Subjects: Angst, Fluff, Smut, Violence, Gore, Death, Blood, Vulgar language, Mature Language & Content, other sensitive subjects

8 Chapters

Chapter 6

Chapter Includes: Explicit language, mature concepts, Fluff, Violence

6.4k words

Sanemi's POV

"Fuck." I said aloud as I realize the egg was ruined. I tossed it into the basket with the dozen others I had made poorly. I couldn't serve her this trash. I needed everything to be perfect. Or close to it anyway.

I don't think she realizes it, but before she fell asleep she told me she loved me.

More surprisingly, it made me feel all fluttery and shit inside.

I'm not gonna say I feel the same. But, it felt good to hear. And I had a dream about her. And woke up happy to see her. Now here I am trying to make her the best damn breakfast she's ever had.

She's not too bad. Not as irritating as she used to be. Gorgeous.

I released the breath that built up in me. I don't have time for these feelings and shit.

Great, this egg is finally perfect. I thought to myself.

I carefully placed it on top of her dish. This would help her with her healing. She needs to eat well.

I grabbed our bowls and walked to my bedroom. We could eat in bed. Something she's newly got me doing.

I walked in through the already opened door to see she was still sleeping.

I sat our bowls on the small table I had in the room and then kneeled beside her on the bed.

"Hey, wake up Siren. I've got food for you." I told her lightly laughing at the nickname.

She stirred lightly. Let out a small stretch with a cute little smile on her face before opening her eyes. I just knew she was going to say something steamy. I found myself looking forward to it.

When our eyes locked I smiled, ready to hear whatever stupid compliment she had.

I was so caught off guard by the look in her eye that I didn't register that she had sat up and punched me.

"What the fuck?"

She punched me again, and this time I knew her hand broke.

"What are you doing?" I asked catching her arm by the wrist before she could hit me, and hurt herself again.

She got up in a frenzy and grabbed the table, the food I worked so hard on falling to the ground, and then threw it at me.

What the fuck! I thought.

"Did I do something wrong? What happened? What's the matter?" I asked her. I was so confused. She was smiling when I woke her but when she looked at me it all changed. I don't think I did anything wrong. So I don't know why she's so upset with me.

"Y/N?"

She grabbed the chopsticks that fell on the floor and charged at me. I snatched the chopsticks out of her hands then I grabbed her arms to stop her from approaching me.

"What's going on Y/N?"

She screamed.

I dropped the chopsticks and my arms. Now trying to observe her. She was hitting me anywhere and everywhere. I realized she was still hitting with the broken hand and snapped out of it.

There was clearly something wrong. That hurts like hell and there's no way she'd just be hitting me with her broken hand. She's clearly not in her right mind. Could she be sleep walking? I thought.

"Hey. Sweets? You in there?" I asked reaching out to touch her face.

Just for a moment, she faltered. She blinked slowly once, twice, and then she snapped again.

She bit my hand. It probably wasn't a good idea to put it on her face but I didn't think that far ahead.

She bit me like she was trying to take a chunk out of it. I tried to get her to let go by trying to shake my hand out but she wouldn't let go.

I was starting to feel really stressed. I didn't want to hurt her, but getting my hand out of her grip would require me to force her jaw open.

"Y/N....please." I said, growing more exasperated the more pain I felt from her bite as she had broken the skin already.

I grabbed her wrists with my free hand. Finally preventing her from hitting me.

"I'm sorry." I told her before knocking her unconscious. It felt less extreme than forcing her mouth open. She fell right into me, her jaws slack now.

I ran my thumb across her bottom lip, wiping the blood she drew from my hand away. I began to feel something like sadness in my chest looking down at her face. I was feeling so guilty for hitting her. I picked her up and then laid her back in the bed, before I cleaned up the mess.

While in the kitchen I made more food for her. She would really need to eat.

Whatever is going on with her I hope the sleep helps.

————

I sat anxiously in the sitting room while I listened to her wake up.

"Ouch." She mumbled. I could imagine her rubbing her jaw. I really should have done it a different way. I can't believe I hit her.

"Sanemi, where are you?" Her songbird voice, slightly scratchy, called out.

"Out here. I'll be right back, just go ahead and eat."

"I don't feel so well." She replied after a few seconds. "My hand looks swollen."

"Hurts actually." She added after a few beats of silence.

I released the breath I was holding. "Do you remember what happened before you went back to sleep?"

"No. What do you mean?" She asked. Her tone one of confusion.

"Okay, well eat your food and I'll be in there in a second okay? I'll refresh your memory."

"Okay." She said.

I sighed.

She'll eat and I won't get beaten. Sounds like she's back to herself as well. That was so weird. I don't know what happened earlier. Maybe she was sleepwalking.

"You done?" I called after maybe 10 minutes, looking at the doorway in case she got up.

"Yeah." She called back. "I thought you were coming back."

"I am." I braced myself before getting off of the couch. I was hesitant to face her again.

"When?"

"Now."

"Okay." She answered.

I walked quickly to the door and peaked in, stepping back just before she noticed me.

One final breath.

"Did you like your food?" I asked her fully stepping into the room.

"Yes! It was inc-". She stopped talking the moment she laid eyes on me.

It's like all the light left her eyes and she just flipped again.

I took a step back, feeing anxious and sick. She's already harboring a broken hand, something is definitely wrong.

There are no words to describe what I felt when her eyes zeroed in on my sword in the corner of the room.

My speed had never been an issue. Ever. But I felt like I was moving in slow motion trying to stop her. I made it to her just in time of her grabbing it, and was holding onto her wrist and the sheath, keeping her from pulling the sword out.

"Sorai!"

"Caw! Yes?"

"Get Gyomei here would you? I need someone to get her to the butterfly mansion for me."

"Yes. I'm on it."

I knew my crow would get the message delivered quickly but would it be quick enough that I wouldn't have to hurt her again?

She struggled against my grip, never once relaxing her hold on my sword.

"I need you to stop Doll." I told her quietly.

Her response was a grunt.

"Let go please." I said, pushing her hand holding the hilt, so the sword would go back inside the case.

A menacing snarl left her mouth, taking me aback. It didn't sound like her and was so foreign.

I snatched my sword from her, and tossed it to the side then grabbed both her wrists in one hand. I pushed her against the wall. Her hands were now raised above her head, kept in place with my grip.

She wasted no time snapping at me, trying to bite me again. I grabbed her jaw with my free hand, pressing firm enough to hold her head in place against the wall, ceasing her movements.

I looked in her eyes. She clearly was not there. I felt infuriated and relieved all at once.

"Who the fuck are you?" I murmured mostly to myself.

She was lost. There was nothing but blinding rage in those eyes that used to look at me with adoration.

I hated whatever did this to her.  She didn't deserve to be lost. Detached from her own thoughts.

My grip loosened unconsciously. She took full advantage, attempting to head butt me.

I sighed.

"I'm so sorry Songbird." I said.

I could feel her body almost trembling, trying to break free with all the strength she had in her body.

"I'll fix this for you. I'll get this fixed."

Of course there was no change in her reaction. She was still trying to hurt me, no thought or desire stronger apparently.

As I waited for help to arrive I could tell she was becoming restless. I don't know if she was fighting to gain control or what but she started to make grunting noises, her eyes watery and red. She was most likely uncomfortable.

I let go of her arms and almost immediately she tried choking me.

"Sorry." I mumbled as I grabbed her wrists, and pulled her hands from my neck. There was no part of me that wanted to be rough with her.

I was so worried about hurting her, I didn't recognize I was leaving myself open in other ways until her teeth clamped down on the tendon between my neck and shoulder.

Now how the hell am I supposed to get her off without hurting her? I thought as I tensed up. She was trying to break skin, that's for sure, any minute now she'd draw blood. Again!

"Stop please." I said placing my hand on the side of her face.

Nothing. Still no sign of her.

I could feel the separation growing from where she was starting to tear between the muscle.

"Sorry." I muttered before knocking her out again.

I couldn't stop myself from gently kissing her forehead apologetically.

Her weight now slumped against me, I laid her down slowly onto the bed. It was like dejavu.

————

I'm not sure how much time passed but the footsteps outside the door told me it wasn't who it should've been. My gaze was already on the door when Genya came into view.

"What the fuck are you doing here! Where's Gyomei?"

"He was busy so he sent me instead."

"Absolutely not. Sorai I need someone else!"

"I'd like to help. I- I'm here."

"No." My mind was racing thinking of who I could get. Then it hit me, the answer was obvious really. Her roommates. They could stay with her until I can get Kocho here.

But it would probably be hard to get them to leave after.

I sighed as I realized that wasn't gonna work for me.

Maybe beef brain. Or one of his wives maybe.

The gentle stirring from her caught my attention. I was running out of time. And if my theory was correct I needed to be out of here before she saw me.

Fuck!

I stood quickly, and grabbed my sword, pushing Genya out of my doorway and into the living room.

"Listen here idiot. If anything happens to her I'll kill you. All you need to do is make sure she's comfortable and safe. Don't let her leave. Keep your fucking hands to yourself. If she tries to attack you, let her. Suck it up and take it, don't you dare lay a finger on her. Don't even slightly raise your voice at her. Protect her with your fucking life if it comes to it. Got that?"

Genya nodded frantically, his eyes wide.

"Say it!"

"I've got it. I promise."

I grabbed him by the hem of his vest. "I will kill you if anything happens to her."

"Yes I understand."

I threw him to the side before leaving.

I couldn't worry. I didn't want to anyway. These feelings were making me uncomfortable and reminding me why I don't do this. It's way too much. If Shinobu can't help us I would never be able to live it down. Whatever is wrong has to be my fault. I know it.

—————

"Sanemi..." you mumbled. Your head was throbbing and your hand was feeling heavy but almost numb. It was the strangest sensation.

"Uh...um. Hi. Er he's not here." A voice answered coming from the doorway.

Your body tensed up at the sound of the unfamiliar voice. You didn't know what was happening and you began crying and shaking uncontrollably. You couldn't see your hands in front of you through the blur of your tears.

"I'm sorry." The voice spoke out.

"Where is he?" You managed to get out without stuttering.

"He left to get you help."

"Who are you?" You sniffled.

"I'm Genya Shinazugawa. I'm....his brother." He hesitated.

You remembered Sanemi insisted he didn't have a brother. You were in pain, you were confused, you didn't know what was happening but you knew Sanemi wouldn't leave you alone unless he really had to. Not after last night.

You wiped your tears away with your good hand. Despite the trepidation in your heart, you turned your head to look at him.

This Genya was standing near the door way. The steady afternoon light from the window basking him in a warm glow that allowed you to see him clearly.

You felt relieved seeing his face. He looked so much like Sanemi. Down to the scars on his face, you could tell he was his brother. This helped you feel at ease despite seeing the weaponry on his hips. You recognized the similarity between his outfit and the one Sanemi wore for work, although he was wearing a purple vest over his.

"Hi Genya. I'm y/n."

He nodded stiffly, but then bowed quickly. "It's nice to meet you."

You smiled, noticing both hesitance and nervousness in his actions. The fact that Sanemi denied having a sibling, is likely the reason he didn't seem comfortable. Or it could simply be because you're a stranger.

"Do you know what happened?" You asked him quietly. You were no longer shaking. Feeling a significant ease compared to when you first heard his voice.

He shook his head no. Genya had no idea what happened with you and why Sanemi wanted Gyomei to look after you.

He could see that you were in distress and clearly injured but that's all from observation. He had nothing else to go on.

"You don't?" He asked you.

"No. I just remember waking up a little while ago I think, I don't really know when. Eating, and now I just woke up again. I don't know. Maybe I have a concussion."

He hummed in response to your statement. That could very well be true. "Your hand is broken." He stated. "Do you know how that happened?"

You looked at your hand surprised. That would explain the strange sensation going on with it right now. It was obviously swollen. You don't remember it being broken when Sanemi came to get you, but you were so out of it then, it could've slipped your mind.

"No." You replied.

There was a long stretch of silence before either of you spoke. "I think I have to use the bathroom." You told him.

You could see the surprise in his eyes. "Do you n-need help?"

"Just getting up I think." You answered. Your body felt heavy. If your hand wasn't broke you would probably crawl to the bathroom.

He walked over to you and held his hand out. You placed your free hand in his, feeling pain radiate throughout. You winced but still pulled yourself up. You really did need help you thought as you took your slow supported steps. Once you reached the door you carefully let go.

"Thanks." You mumbled as you walked into the bathroom closing the door behind you. Inside you did your best but felt really sluggish. Washing your hands was difficult too but you made it through without shedding many tears.

When you opened the door Genya walked over to you and held his hand out. You took it and smiled.

"Thank you."

"Welcome." He responded.

"Can we go to the living room. I like to sit on those fancy couches your brother has." You joked. You've told Sanemi before that he was boujie for having western styled furniture instead of what's traditionally found around here. His response of course was just an eye roll.

Genya lead you to the living room but didn't say anything. Once you sat down you were inclined to tell him he could have a seat, or do whatever he wanted but you stopped yourself. Knowing Sanemi he'd probably tell him the exact opposite.

"So, Genya are you a demon slayer too?"

"Yeah."

"Is it like a family...thing?"

"No." His eyes widened.

"I'm sorry, that was a stupid question to ask." You apologized. You probably shouldn't ask anything about family or demons.

"Did your brother say how long he would be?"

"No." Genya answered.

You nodded, mostly to yourself.

After a few minutes of silence between you, Genya finally spoke.

"I know it's not my place to ask, but are you and my- I mean Sanemi, together?"

You laughed lightly. "I wish. But no. We are kind of friends though." After a couple beats of silence you added. "We'll, scratch that. We are definitely friends."

"Oh wow."

"Yeah, but I forced him to be my friend. Which you could probably guess." You snorted.

You didn't know this right away but your candidness about yourself and Sanemi made Genya feel relaxed and comfortable. He'd even share with you what caused the riff between he and Sanemi. You felt bad for both of them to be navigating this scary world without fully having one another.

You were a bit overjoyed to be getting some snippets into how Sanemi was as a child. It surprised you that Genya was sharing as he didn't strike you as a talkative or open person. You took it as him needing to talk about it. Needing to reminisce on the positive relationship they had before.

"I feel like I've talked for hours. I'm sorry for rambling."

"Oh no, don't be. I enjoyed it. I feel like I know you now and it's been a pleasure. You're here to look out for me, the least I could do is listen to you talk." You smiled.

He returned the smile and nodded lightly. "Are you um, hungry or anything?" He asked.

"Only a little. You?"

"Only a little." He mocked.

"Well, I'll make you something. I'm sure San has food in here."

"Oh no, it's no worry-"

"I'm feeding you Genya." You cut him off with a smile but pointing your finger at him to let him know you were serious.

He smiled a shy smile and nodded.

————

You were placing the final tray of food on the table when you heard Sanemi return home.

"I just cooked! I hope that's fine." You semi shouted out to Sanemi. You figured it wouldn't be a problem but you wanted to mess with him anyway.

Shinobu walked into the room first.

"Hi, I wish I could say it was nice to see you again."

You nodded. You know what she meant. "I'm sorry to cause you more work."

She seemed to be waiting for something, which you assumed was Sanemi since he hadn't appeared yet. You also noted that Genya became visibly tense and had not touched his food yet.

Sanemi slowly walked into the room, his eyes down.

He seemed tense as well, but also defeated maybe? Something was off.

 

You stared at him until he looked up at you.

"Hi." You said. Finally smiling now that you made eye contact.

His eyes widened slightly, his mouth opening. It's like he was shocked. He looked at Shinobu and then quickly back at you.

Your head tilted to one side you asked, "cat got your tongue?"

Something akin to a dry laugh left his mouth before he rushed over to you. He dropped to his knees and grabbed your face with both hands. His eyes searched yours fervently.

"It's you." He said.

"Yes. What's wr-"

His lips captured yours in a desperate kiss. You were surprised, frozen in your spot. He was kissing you in front of people.

Sanemi.

On his own.

As much as you wanted to just kiss him back you were starting to worry.

Pulling back, but resting your hand on his face you asked, "what's going on? Did I do something?"

"I'll explain in a little while." He said laying his hand on top of yours, lightly leaning into your touch.

You nodded and kissed him quickly, stealing one of your own.

"May I?" Shinobu interjected softly.

Sanemi stood, kissing your hand before dropping it to move out of Shinobu's way. You sat still as she took Sanemi's spot in front of you. She pulled some small vial out of her pocket, and took your injured hand. She poured a couple droplets on the top of your hand, placed the vial down and then began to rub the mixture in gently. The pain in your hand was still mostly numbed but you could feel much less the more she rubbed into your skin.

Almost casually she began popping bones back into place you guess. You could only move your thumb on this hand while you cooked and assumed you sprained it. You still couldn't remember your hand being damaged.

"There appears to be only one simple break, there was mostly dislocation. You'll have to keep your hand wrapped for atleast 2 weeks."

"Okay." You answered.

"Now could you look at me." 

You followed her instruction. You didn't flinch when she leaned very close to your face, unblinking and staring into your eyes.

"How do you feel about Sanemi?" She asked suddenly.

"What the hell?" Sanemi practically barked.

"Mm...I like him very much." You smiled, unphased by the question.

"Would you ever hurt him?"

"Never." You replied.

"But you did."

Your brows furrowed in confusion. "I did not."

"You did. Today. Don't you remember?"

You opened your mouth to speak and then closed it. You honestly don't remember much. Just waking up a couple times, eating, and then the time that was just spent with Genya.

"No." Was all you answered.

"You tried to kill him."

Your heart dropped to your stomach. You looked away from Shinobu to Sanemi. The look on his face, plus his silence told you what you needed to know. The only other surprised person in the room was Genya. Eyes wide and mouth agape.

"I would never....do that." Your voice fading as you finished the sentence. You didn't know what to say, and you couldn't remember even remotely.

At the end of the day, you weren't strong enough to kill Sanemi. That made you feel better. Whatever you did probably caused him no harm. Right?

"How?" You asked.

"His sword." She answered.

"Why?" You asked now. Your voice a whisper.

"Well....you're possessed."

This time, your heart jumped into your throat. You couldn't describe the terror you felt if you tried.

After a minute of you not speaking at all, Sanemi spoke up.

"Could you explain what we have to do to change that."

"Yes so one, we need to find the demon that did this to you. If we kill it you're free from its hold.

Or, we could possibly treat the infiltration site, and when that's healed his hold should be released."

You heard what she said. You just couldn't respond. Shock would be an understatement.

"Treated how?" Sanemi asked.

"Medicines of course." Shinobu replied. "How does that sound?" She spoke to you. Although her tone never changed, her eyes softened as she watched you, waiting on some type of response.

"Okay." Was all you said.

"I'll get started on some medicines. It may not be a smooth process but we want you comfortable. Further we would have to make sure you're safe and this demon can't find you again. I would want you to come to the butterfly mansion."

You haven't seen your friends in a couple of days you think, you really don't know how long it's been since you were attacked. The thought of them not knowing what was going on with you when you could be gone for who knows how long, just didn't feel right.

"Can I go home first?" You asked.

"I'm afraid not tonight. It may be a risk for you to be outside with the sun down. You're safest right here for the time being with us, or at the butterfly mansion. Maybe if things go well tomorrow I can allow you to stop at home before coming to the mansion."

Shinobu left with the promise to see you tomorrow.

Genya was still sitting at the table, food untouched.

He felt like he was encroaching but was also perplexed by the news. He didn't know if his duty was done or if he was needed.

"I-"

"You can leave." Sanemi said to Genya as if he was just reminded of his presence.

Genya was taken aback but nodded anyhow.

"That was rude lover. Genya, you're fine. You can finish your food and take your time." You told him. Some fire back in your eyes. You hated to hear Sanemi speak to Genya that way knowing how much Genya just wants to make him proud.

Sanemi's eyes softened as he looked at you.

"You can join us, I made enough for everyone." You told him, turning to face the table.

Sanemi said nothing as he sat his sword down and sat down beside you. He started to eat and kept his eyes on his food.

Genya slowly started to eat as well. More timid and tense than you've seen him in your short time together.

Your mind wanted to replay the conversation you just had, but you kept it at bay. You knew you would feel terror and overwhelmed which you didn't want. You just wanted to be okay. To live a normal life, to feel good, to have fun.

Getting possessed was not what you had in mind.

What a short and depressing life you've lived huh?

"You're not eating." Sanemi said.

You picked up a piece of fish and dropped it after a few seconds. Tears prickling your eyes. You couldn't eat. You felt sick to your stomach with worry and fear.

"San....your brother-"

"I don't have a brother."

You sighed. "Genya deserves to have his brother in his life. You deserve to-"

"Don't." Sanemi huffed.

"Please. I don't want you to be alone."

"Woman, what are you talking about?" He turned his body to face you, his fist now clenched in frustration. "Why would I be alone huh? You thinking of going somewhere?"

You were caught off guard. Your mouth dropping open, leaving you floundering like a fish.

"I-"

"You what? Thinking about giving up? Hmm? When it hasn't even been 24 fucking hours? We haven't tried to fix it yet, but you're throwing in the towel? Just made a fucking plan and it means nothing? You feeling defeated already? Suck it the fuck up. You're not going anywhere."

"Eat your food." He added before turning back and angrily chomping on his own.

A part of you felt a spark lighting within you. You could have a more positive attitude. The other part didn't understand even remotely how you could come out of this situation.

You tried eating the rice. Successfully eating 2 spoons.

"I uh-should get going." Genya spoke up.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. It was a um, pleasure, meeting you and helping you." He said stacking his dishes back together.

"Likewise. Please take care. I hope I can see you again soon." You replied standing when he did. He was slightly confused when you approached him but was absolutely flabbergasted when you hugged him.

"Thank you so much." You added grabbing his hand. "I'll walk you out."

Genya could only nod. He had to ignore the daggers Sanemi glared at him.

Genya bowed to you after putting on his shoes. "Please be well Miss y/l/n."

"You too." You smiled and waved back.

Once he disappeared through the gate you closed the door back. Turning around you saw Sanemi walking out of the kitchen.

"You got a crush on my kid brother or something?"

Instead of entertaining his foolish question you walked over to him and hugged him. He immediately wrapped his arms around you, hugging you back.

"Can we sit out back?" You asked him.

"Unfortunately, no. You shouldn't be outside tonight. Just in case."

Your embrace dropped causing Sanemi to grab your arms and pull them up around his neck.

"I have a better idea."

"What?"

"You know what." He smirked.

You of course laughed. He was so attractive, and the spontaneity and joking he's been doing lately was so good. He's a natural.

"Okay." You replied.

"That's my girl." It was pathetic the way something so small had you clenching around nothing. Eager to have him over such small praise.

————

Sanemi insisted on giving you a massage afterwards. He wanted you to stay relaxed and at ease no matter what.

You were laying on your back with your foot in his lap as he rubbed soothing patterns on your calf and around your ankle.

"You have beautiful skin." He told you.

"Thank you." You replied.

"Beautiful legs, beautiful body, beautiful face."

You smiled more. Heart truly fluttering at the repetitive compliments from him.

"You're being so sweet San."

He rolled his eyes playfully, switching to your other leg.

You laughed at his fake attitude and tried to let yourself sink further into the mattress.

"What are you thinking about?" Sanemi asked.

"You."

"What about me?"

You contemplated whether you should actually tell him or not. You watched him, as you mulled over your thoughts. His face was neutral. He stared back waiting on you to tell him.

"You deserve so many good things." You paused, gauging his reaction.

He remained neutral, and didn't say anything.

"I think, you're amazing, and you're a great person, and always have been. Learning about your past I realize that you care so deeply about the people you love. You just want everybody to be safe. It's made me so much more attracted to you. I admire you. And I'm happy I got to meet you, and know you. Thank you for letting me."

Sanemi was listening while fighting every urge to withdraw from your praise with a smart remark. It made him feel good about himself. Like he was worthy of such praise. It felt foreign. Shocking. At the end however is when he felt displeased with your statement.

"Why does it sound like you're saying goodbye?" Sanemi asked you.

You've been around Sanemi long enough to know that he was upset. You could see that he was holding it back, and you appreciated that. You didn't want him mad at you. You didn't want to upset him. You meant every word you said, and you could understand why he was peeved.

"I'm not lover." You smiled. Ignoring the lump in your throat.

His eyes narrowed as he watched you. They were fiery and didn't lose any intensity as he sat your leg down on the bed and leaned forward. He slid his hand beneath your back and easily lifted you up so you were face to face.

"You don't get to lie to me."

You were tempted to tell him you weren't. While this wasn't your goodbye, it was implied. It was the start of your goodbye. You didn't think you would comeback from this. It was so bizarre. You didn't want to be defeated but having no memory at all of what happened made you feel like you had already lost a piece of yourself.

You nodded your head.

"You are going to get through this, and get back to normal. I'm going to help make sure you get back. I'm fighting for you. You need to fight too. Got that?" He asked you,

"Yeah." You replied.

"I'll get you back." He said aloud but it felt like he was speaking to himself.

Although you weren't feeling positive about the outcome, you knew Sanemi would try. He didn't seem the type to half ass anything, so if he said it, you knew he would do everything in his power to make it happen. He's never told you anything he didn't mean.

You settled on a half truth.

"I believe you."

—————

You woke up expecting to see Sanemi but was instead greeted by a horribly destroyed room. Your head was ringing and you were certain something bad happened.

"San." You called out standing slowly from the mattress.

"Hey. Um, he's not here right now." Genya responded to you, his voice floating from the living room.

"Did I? You know?" You asked walking carefully to the doorway.

"Yeah. I'm here to walk you to the Butterfly Mansion."

You nodded your head solemnly. "Okay." You took your time to change, not wanting to make the pounding in your head any worse. Genya said nothing as he waited for you.

You eventually met him in the doorway, ready for your trip.

The walk began quietly as your mind raced wondering when you'd get back to normal. Genya remained silent, not wanting to be a nuisance. He had a little trouble with it, being that he felt anxiety for you. He felt like you were going to be a friend to him; you had defended him. He wanted to be of help to you too.

He could tell you were in your head, but he didn't know how to help you. He didn't know how to distract you. He didn't know what he should say.

Once you made it to the butterfly mansion Genya stayed with you until you got settled. You were placed in a room separate from others healing. You were instructed to wait for Shinobu to arrive.

"Is there anything I can get you, or do for you?" Genya asked after you sat down on the bed.

You shook your head.

"Would it be okay if I visited you during this process?"

"Of course!" Genya noted this was the first time you smiled since you woke up.

He nodded and slightly bowed to you. "I'll give you some space. But I'll see you again soon."

"Thanks Genya."

You watched silently as he left the room. He was a sweet kid. Despite his rough disposition he had good intentions. You laughed to yourself at the similarity to his brother.

A knock on the door stopped your thoughts.

"Come in." You said.

"Hi. How are you feeling?" Shinobu jumped right in as she walked into the room.

"Sad." You answer truthfully.

"I'm sorry. I can understand that." She replied. "I was able to curate a medicine that I believe will help to minimize the effects left on you by the demon. Now we just have to find the site."

You nodded. Releasing a breath you hadn't realized you were holding.

"I will have too look over your whole body. Will that be okay?"

"Yes." You answered.

"I believe the mark will be somewhere you wouldn't normally look or pay close attention to. Possibly the back of your foot, or maybe behind a knee. They wouldn't want it to be visible."

"Okay." You mumbled.

"You can lay in bed or you can stand. What's your preference?"

"I'll lay down." You replied getting fully on the bed and laying on your back.

Shinobu was gentle and quick. "Ok could you turn over please?" She asked. Once you laid on your stomach, she lightly grazed your neck. You squirmed a bit feeling a slight discomfort.

She caught this, and leaned closer. After a long minute she spoke. "Found it." She lightly pressed on your neck making you tense up.

"I'm going to apply some medicine here." She added.

It felt weird. Touching the area sent waves of uneasiness through your body, but when she applied the medicine it was painful. Down to your nerves. Every nerve ending felt like it was on fire.

When she finished she asked if you were okay. You told her no.

"It feels like I'm burning."

"That means it's working. I'm sorry. Is there anything I can get you in the mean time?"

"Sanemi?"

"Oh yes, he's eager to see you, but I think we've figured out the problem. You see, when you look at him, you snap. Or I should say, the possession takes over. He can greet you outside the door, but I'm afraid you can't see face to face until tomorrow. We need to keep the trigger at minimum.

"Okay." You replied.

She bowed politely before leaving the room.

Just a couple of minutes later you heard a knock at the door.

"It's me." Sanemi's voice called out.

"Hi." You responded sitting up.

"How are you feeling."

"Really weird honestly. I think I'm gonna lose it San. I feel like I'm going crazy."

"I understand. What can I do?

"I don't know." You sighed.

There was a brief pause of silence. "I'm sorry." He told you.

You got up and walked to the door, leaning your head against it.

"Me too." You replied. "I miss you." You added after a few seconds.

"I miss you too. So fucking much." There was an audible bang against the door. You imagined it was his fist.

"I want to see you."

"You will. Real soon. Okay?"

You nodded. You knew he couldn't see you but it was all you could manage.

"I'll be here everyday. Until you can come back to me."

"You promise?"

It was selfish to want him to promise to spend his free time here with a door between you, but any decency you had was nonexistent right now.

You heard him laugh. "I promise."

*******

Prev | Next

[little-pocket-medic]

i’ve been sorta avoiding medic all week out of nerves, but i really need some healing.

i’m in the medbay, trying to explain myself to him. he looks exasperated… and kind of distressed? like seeing me hurt is upsetting him more than usual.

see, doc, i was climbin’ a tree, trying to get a picture of this really cool bird i thought you would like, and i kinda sorta may have fell out of it.

twenty feet out of it.

so uh… i hold up my left arm. it’s pointing in a direction that i’m fairly certain arms are not supposed to point.

listen, i know you’re kinda too small to really use the medigun right now, but maybe you could talk me through it? i can’t find engie anywhere and who knows how long he’ll be gone, and my arm really, really hurts.

he cautiously agrees. i know he hates it when other people touch his stuff, but i do my best to reassure him that i’ll be good and do exactly what he says.

i bend down so he can hitch a ride on my unharmed shoulder. he instructs me on how to use the ceiling-mounted medigun- press this button, turn this knob, set these numbers on its control panel. seems like this model packs more of a punch than his portable battlefield one.

i push the power lever forward and shudder with relief as the red energy flows into my arm, setting the bones into place and knitting them back together. when it’s done, i wiggle my fingers. it’s like nothing ever happened.

damn, doc, this is pretty satisfying. i can see why you like doing it… why you miss doing it. hey, don’t look so sad, doc, i’m sure you and engie can fix this crazy size thing soon. it’s not like you’re gonna be tiny forever…. right?

he’s leaning against my neck now, so i can’t really see him, but his breath sounds a little shaky. is he scared of heights?

i carefully pick him up off my shoulder and cradle him in my hands to get a better look at him. he’s hiding his face. why?

i hear a tiny sniffle.

oh.

doc, hey, are you okay? listen, don’t cry- i’m really sorry if i made ya sad. doc, i promise you won’t stay this size forever. and even if you did, i’d still lo-

shit. i didn’t mean to say that. well, i’ve gone this far.

i’d.. still love ya, doc.

and- and i mean that! yes, i’m serious. listen, i’m really sorry to have told ya when you’re havin’ a breakdown and all that but i’ve been overthinkin’ that note like “what if he takes it the wrong way and hates me” or “what if he thinks i’m just makin’ fun of him” and i been sick with worry all week and i couldn’t frickin’ take it anymore!

what?

no, of course it’s not just sexual, doc, i don’t see you as- as some sort of object. i like you. as a person. for reals.

🫀 anon

TW: Angst, mentions of arm injury/sex. Nothing graphic.

Medic let out a tired sigh. Writing in his journal wasnt the same as it used to be- therapeutic. Calming. But now, he's just struggling to hold a pencil.

A pencil. He could barely hold a pencil.

The team had been struggling without him recently. Tales of their losses always found their way back to him- tales of his failure.

Sure, being small was fun for a bit. But it long outlasted it's welcome. He just wanted to be back to his old routine. His old small talk with Engineer after battles. His chess games with Heavy.

....his bickerings with Scout.

As Scout came into the medbay, Medic pulled his notebook shut. He turned to him, frowning at the state of his arm and the likely false story.

He couldn't do much with it right now. He could have Scout try and cast it, but it was very likely he'd mess it up and cause more issues. Well, Medic could talk him through the Medi-gun. Worth a shot.

The Doctor explained how to use the ceiling mounted healing device in a low, monotone voice. He didn't do it on purpose- the lack of sleep and the abundance of stress simply took a toll.

He climbs onto his shoulder, getting a better view and allowing the other to hear easier.

Scout seemed to get most of what he said, as the runners arm went back into place. He rambles as he usually does, trying to reassure the Doctor that it wouldn't last forever.

Would it last forever?

Medic grabbed his sleeve and leaned against Scouts neck. It very well could- Engineer normally fixed problems very quickly; This was taking weeks.

Scout seems to take note, picking the little German up and holding him in his wrapped hands.

Now in view, Medic has a harder time concealing his sorrows. Normally he's rather good at it- but with everything piling on...

In an effort to retract his previous statement, The runner let's something slip.

'I love you, doc.'

No, you don't. Medic says, almost angry, in a stern tone. 'You don't even know me...' He wanted to add, but didn't. He already said too much.

He listened to Scouts talk about how he didn't just see him sexually, but he might as well of been on mute. Medic wasn't listening anymore.

Unless you vish to torment me furzher, you may leave. He says, taking off his glasses and wiping his eyes. Talk to Engineer about zhis. I'm not paid to be your zherapist...

Cold. Even for Medic. His emotions were getting the better of him.

While never conventionally kind, Medic always had his ways of showing he loved his fellow mercenaries. This was out of character.

[ssaemilyhotchner]

Hi! Congratulations for your 1k followers!

Can I request K for the prompt?

tysm, dear anon!

OTHER 1K DRABBLES | Read on AO3 Join the celebration by requesting a letter!

letter: K | prompt: kindred spirits | wc: 1k | a/n: Set a few weeks post-ep for 9x5, “Route 66,” with Hotch recovering from internal bleeding.

Please do not repost (reblogs welcome) or otherwise claim as your own.

--

He must be dreaming, he thinks, because there is no other explanation for the sight of her at his door. “Emily?”

She answers with a hug that is instantly better than any of the medicine he has taken in the past few weeks. “Hi.”

“Wha–how are you here?”

“Modern aviation is a wonderful thing,” Emily says dryly. He arches an eyebrow and she chuckles, putting her hands up in mock defeat. “Garcia called me.”

Hotch steps aside and waves her in off his doorstep, still incredulous. “So you just…hopped on a flight to see me?”

“Of course,” Emily says, as if it is a given; and perhaps it is, he thinks with a rumbling affection, one that intensifies when he sees the worried look in her wide brown eyes. “How are you feeling?”

“Better. Can I get you anything?”

“Tsk. No fussing over me, that’s my job.” Hotch gives her a look which she promptly ignores. “What are you having? I’ll make it myself,” she insists. He grumbles his response, but watches fondly as she opens the right cupboards for a mug and some tea, her muscle memory still serving her well. “What do you mean by ‘better’?”

“I’m getting my strength back. Been sleeping through the night, too.” He nods his chin at the mug in her hands. “Ginger purportedly helps with the inflammation, but the tea is mostly a placebo. A nice one, though.” 

Once the water has been boiled and poured, Emily curls up beside him on the couch and studies him earnestly. “You scared me, you know,” she says eventually, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I’m sorry.”

Emily shakes her head. “You don’t have to apologize. I just…had to be here and see you.” She brings a trembling hand to his face, smiles softly when his eyes fall closed at her embrace. “Had to feel you.”

At her tenderness, Hotch’s carefully sculpted mask slips; he has always been wont to let her see more than the others. The confession comes out in an exhausted rush, before he can bite the words back. “I’m tired of it, Emily. Tired of him.” 

“I know.” She moves her hand to the base of his neck and scratches the short, coarse hairs there, pleased when he breathes out a sigh. “He takes and takes and takes, even from beyond the grave. It’s not fair.”

Of course. It strikes him then, how intimately Emily understands. His throat tightens at the realization. “That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?” She tilts her head to the side in question and it’s so adorably, familiarly her that his skin blooms with warmth. “Because you know what it’s like.”

Emily trails her hand down from his neck to rest lightly on his chest. “I can’t claim to know what the past few years have felt like for you,” she corrects gently.

“Can’t you?” Stake wounds and brands and knife scars, Hotch wants to argue. Declan and Jack, boys used against their fathers. Haley and Lauren—no, Emily—torn quickly from the world.

Suddenly he’s furious at the thought of all the two of them have endured. All week long, he’d had to keep his anger at bay; there is no place for fury when healing from internal bleeding, nothing productive about cursing a dead man. But now, here on the couch with Emily, this woman he has loved and seen leave too many times, his compartmentalization is shot and his anger metastasizes.

He doesn’t need her humility or her dismissal of her own post-traumatic stress, especially when the trauma in question put her—or rather, a very real part of her—in a coffin he fucking helped carry. He needs her running into battle with him. He needs her fight.

Emily can feel his rage simmering just under the surface, eager for a pressure valve, so she tries another approach.

“You asked me if I came to see you because I know what it’s like. Our ghosts are similar, yes, and a corpse still plays god in some areas of my life.” She shakes her head. “But I’m not here because of that. I’m not here because of me, or because of Doyle or Foyet. I’m here because of you. I’m here because I knew you’d be angry; and I know this not because I’d be angry,” she preempts, “but because I know you.

“I know that you get lonely when you’re angry, and that you think you need a partner in your rage to corroborate your anger and pain, otherwise it feels like it’s selfish and unnecessary. Because you’ve spent your whole life having to be strong for others," Sean and Haley and Jack and the whole team, “compressing your emotions to fit others’ palatability.” Emily hunches to meet his gaze. “You don’t have to do that with me, Aaron. Your anger is valid whether or not it fits my or someone else’s blueprint. You can just be angry. Name it. Feel it.”

Hotch looks at her for a long while, equal parts disconcerted and incredulous. She had always been able to cut right to the core of him, unman him with ease.

“I don’t know how to do that,” he says after a weighty silence. “I don’t know how to feel it without also letting it become another scar on my chest.” He pushes his shirt up off of his lower abdomen, where thin white scars criss-cross his body. Then, slowly, giving her the chance to object, he pulls the neck of her sweater down to reveal the brand above her breast. “You and I have enough of those. We don’t need another.” 

“We make quite the pair, don’t we?” she asks, her voice soft. Then a wry smile tugs at her lips. “A wise man once said, ‘Scars remind us where we’ve been. They don't have to dictate where we're going.’”

“…We’re having a moment and you quote David Rossi at me?”

She snorts. “He’d be thrilled.”

That wins her a genuine laugh, lines still crinkling around his eyes when he sobers a few beats later. “I mean it, Emily. I don’t know how to do it,” Hotch repeats. “But I’m willing to try.”

Just scared, Hotch wants to add. And scared to admit even that. 

As always, Emily seems to see right through him, because she takes his hands in hers and gives them a squeeze. “I know. But,” she says gently, and suddenly they’re brought back four years to a conversation in his old apartment, yearning simmering between them even then. “You don’t have to do it alone.”

[aquietwritingcorner]

Suppressed Suffering

Title: Suppressed Suffering Day: Whumptober 2023, Day 15 Prompt: “I don’t need you to help me I can handle things myself” Makeshift Bandages/Suppressed Suffering/ “I’m fine”  Fandom:  TMNT 2003 Word Count: 5786  Author: aquietwritingcorner/realitybreakgirl Rating:  T Characters: Donatello, Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Splinter, Casey Jones, April O’Neil Warning: SAINW Summary: Don doesn’t remember where Draco and the Daimyo’s son sent him. He doesn’t care to, either. But suffering of that level will not stay suppressed forever. Little signs show in the ensuing weeks, until it can’t be suppressed anymore.    Notes: I feel like I could have done better with the ending, but I was literally rushing this one, counting down the minutes until midnight--and I still didn't make it. AO3 || ff.net

______________________________

Suppressed Suffering

“Hey, Donnie. Those bandages look a little rough. Need help changing them out?”

“What?” Don looked over at Raph, and then down at himself. Sure enough, there were sloppily done bandages on him. He had a couple of places on his arm, and one on his leg. He blinked at them. He didn’t remember getting hurt enough to need bandages while he’d been gone.

Actually, he didn’t remember…

“Donnie?”

Don shook his head and looked back up at Raph. “I’m fine,” he said. “It was a long, uh, ten minutes.”

Raph snorted. “Ten minutes. Right. Maybe here, like Case said. But I was gone for three days.”

“Three days?” Mikey said, cutting into the conversation. “I was only gone a day! I wish I had three days where I was!”

“I was gone for two,” Leo added in.

They all looked at Don expectantly, but Don’s mind blanked. How long had he been gone? Where did he even go? He couldn’t remember.

“Mine was something like that,” he said. “I didn’t really pay attention. But my guess is that, with the time scepter involved, the normal expectations for the flow of time don’t apply. It pulled us from wherever it wanted to.”

“Well, ain’t that great,” Raph said.

 Don shook his head. “I’m going to go take care of these,” he said, indicating the makeshift bandages, and headed off towards his lab and the medical supplies.

The bandages, if they could be called that, were little more than scraps of cloth that had been put over some cuts. Don looked at the cuts carefully, but he couldn’t remember getting them. One on his arm was long and jagged, like it had been caught on something. It probably could have used stitches, but it was far enough along now that Don didn’t want to do that unless he had to. The other on his arm looked more like a weapon had caught him, like a shuriken or a kunai. It was deep, but it was small, and looked like it could use a cleaning out.

The one on his leg spanned across his thigh, but it was a very clean cut, like he sometimes gave himself when working with sharp metal. Don laid his hands down on either side of the cut and looked at them. There were small, faint lines on his palms—nearly healed cuts—that lined up perfectly with the cut on his thigh. Whatever had happened, it looked like something similar to a sheet of metal dropped on his thigh. He must have been wearing gloves for his hands to be in so much better shape, but still.

What had he been doing? Don still couldn’t recall.

There was a knock on his door, and Don looked up. Leo was standing there. “I just wanted to check on you,” he started, and then grimaced as he saw the cuts. “Those are some pretty nasty cuts, Don. Want me to help with them?”

“No thanks,” Don said, the words falling from his mouth easily. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Leo said. “I don’t mind.”

“Leo, I’m fine,” Don said again, stressing it. “Look, worry about yourself first, alright? You have injuries to tend to, as well. Besides, these are already on their way to being healed. Nothing to do but keep them clean and rebandage them.”

Leo frowned. “If you’re sure,” he said.

“I am,” Don reassured him. “I’m fine. Go on, I’ll be out there in a minute to help.”

Leo reluctantly left him, and Don turned his attention back to his own injuries, frowning at them. Where had he gone to that he ended up with injuries like this that had enough time to partially heal? He wasn’t sure.

In the end, Don bandaged them up, and moved on, trying not to be too concerned about it.

~*~

“Donatello? Donatello?”

“Huh?” Don’s attention snapped back, and he blinked his attention off of Splinter’s walking stick and onto his father himself.

He was looking at him concerned, and it took Don a few moments to realize that he was on the ground of the dojo area, his brothers also looking concerned. Right. Right, they had been sparring and Splinter had brought his stick up to whack Mikey about something stupid and—

Don looked back at his father, at the concern and love in his gaze, and he immediately felt something stir deep inside him. His breath caught in his throat, and this inexplicable sense of grief welled up in him. For a moment all he wanted to do was hug his father and not let go.

“My son?”

Don shook his head. “Sorry. Guess I’m a little distracted.” He started to pick himself up off the floor. “I’m fine.”

Splinter frowned. “My son, if you are in need of some time… It has only been two days since you all returned.”

Don just shook his head and gave his father a smile. “No, thank you, Sensei, but I’m fine. I promise.”

Besides, something felt incredibly important about learning how to defend himself, and Don was going to roll with it.

~*~

“I don’t know, I just feel like some sort of change might be in order.”

Don looked over at April from where he was wrists deep in a computer. April was as well, as they were both working on upgrading her computer system.

“Are we talking a big change, or a little one?” Don asked curiously.

April shrugged. “I’m not sure. I just feel like I’m stuck in a rut. I don’t want to do something as drastic as, say, moving, or switching careers, but maybe something else. Maybe update my apartment or change up my look.”

“Those things could be good,” Don said, focusing on the work he was doing while he talked. “Sometimes a change like that is enough to satiate those feelings without doing something extreme.”

“That is true,” April said. “Maybe I should do something to my hair. I could start styling it differently, or maybe do something like curlers or a light perm.”

Don snorted a little. “A perm? I don’t know it’s hard to picture you with curly hair.”

April lightly wacked his shoulder. “Okay then, smart guy, what should I do? Cut it all off?”

Unexpectedly, Don froze. He could clearly picture April with short hair and something about it just seemed wrong. Not like it didn’t suit her, but wrong wrong. A feeling of danger and despair welled up in him and squeezed at his heart, and for a brief second, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. It echoed the feeling he had in training a few days ago, which just made it all worse.

“Don? Don? Hey, Don, are you alright?”

Don shook his head and blinked back to the moment, pushing those feelings away. “I’m fine,” he said.

April frowned at him. “Are you sure? You seemed a little on edge there.”

Don just looked at her and shot her a grin. “I guess trying to picture you with short hair made my brain short circuit.”

April put her hands on her hips. “Hey! I could rock the look if I wanted to!”

Don snorted again and turned back to the computer. “I’m sure you could, April. But I think you look better with long hair.”

~*~

“And then, Silver Sentry swooped in, and yanked Villainous up! But Villainous wasn’t through yet! He had these robots on standby, and they came in—”

Don watched as Mikey told them all about his latest adventure with Silver Sentry, complete with sound effects and hand motions. Don was relieved that Mikey was back to normal with this. Ever since his adventure in a superhero world two weeks ago, Mikey had strayed away from his superhero enthusiasm. But it appeared that it was over, and it was nice to see Mikey feeling better again. Whatever had happened had seemed to reignite his enthusiasm, and his arms were moving around quickly as he described the battle he had witnessed. Don found that he couldn’t take his eyes off of them—or more specifically, Mikey’s left arm.

He watched as his brother’s left arm moved around, going up and down, twisting and turning. He stared at it intently as his brother talked, taking note of how smoothly it moved, of how he seemed to use it with no problems at all, of how it was simply there and existing.

“Uh… Don? Donnie?”

Don blinked. “What?”

Mikey looked back at him, giving him a funny look. “Bro. You, okay? You spaced out there, hard, and you were staring at my arm.”

Don looked at him, and then glanced around at the rest of his family, who were looking at him with a measure of concern, too.

“Ah, sorry. I’m fine. I just got lost in thought,” Don explained with a smile.

Mikey didn’t look like he completely believed him, but he went back to his story anyway. Don tried harder to pay attention this time, even if he kept getting distracted by watching Mikey’s left arm.

~*~

The garage had always been a place of refuge for Don. He enjoyed working in there, banging out ideas and projects, and putting crazy ideas together. There was something satisfying and relaxing about doing this kind of work with your hands, and Don enjoyed it.

He had found, surprisingly, that Casey also enjoyed it, which had actually led to the two of them and Raph enjoying each other’s company up in the garage. They’d worked on the Battleshell, the shell cycles, the side cars and more together.

Currently, Don had some repairs to do to the Battleshell that he’d been neglecting. It was really best done with two people. Normally, Don would have gotten Raph to help him with it. However, Splinter was giving Raph some extra lessons. Fortunately for Don, Casey was looking for something to do tonight and had agreed to help the turtle out.

“Geeze, how long’s it been since you’ve checked on this?” Casey asked as he pulled himself out from under the Battleshell.

“Longer than I wanted,” Don said with a grimace and he stayed under it and kept working. “I just haven’t had the chance.”

“Yeah, I feel that. You guys have been busy lately,” Casey said. “Especially since that dragon guy sent you guys to all those places two weeks ago. I don’t think you’ve stopped since!”

“Tell me about it,” Don said, with a roll of his eyes. “I feel like every day there’s something new coming up, or like I need to get things ready in case something comes up. Can you hand me the three-quarter?”

“Sure thing,” Casey said. Don felt the tool hit his hand. “You planning on any upgrades to this baby?”

“Oh sure,” Don said. “I’ve always got ideas. The problem is picking out which ones to put into motion.”

“Donnie, I think you could probably add all of ‘em if ya wanted to,” Casey said.

“Nah, that’d be overkill,” Don said with a grin.

“Sometimes I don’t think there can be overkill for you guys,” Casey said. He stood up. “Imma grab a quick drink.”

“Sounds good,” Don said, continuing to work. “When you finish that, let’s try to finish working on this chassis.”

Casey made a noise of agreement, and Don took a second to focus on his work. He finally managed to get the stubborn bolt off, something he’d been working on for the past five minutes or so.

“Hey, Casey! I finally got it off!” Don said.

There was no answer.

“Casey?”

Still silence

Don pulled himself out from under the Battleshell and looked around. “Casey?”

There was no answer. There wasn’t even a sign of the man. Panic started to grip Don, and he fought it back as best he could, getting up and starting to look around the garage. After all, there was always the chance that for some reason Casey couldn’t respond to him. Don pulled out his bo and circled to the other side of the Battleshell. No Casey. He slowly spread out his search parameters, but he couldn’t find a trace of the man anywhere.

The panic started to bloom. Casey wasn’t here. He wasn’t anywhere around. All he had been doing was getting a sip of his drink, and now he was gone. What was this? Was it some sort of new attack? Had someone infiltrated the garage? What had they done to Casey?

“Don?”

Don whirled, his bo at the ready, only to stop when he saw Casey standing there, two drinks and some food in his hands. The man tensed up in response, looking around. “What is it? What’s going on?”

“Casey…” Don said, lowering his bo and leaning on it in relief.

Casey slowly lowered his guard and looked at Don, confused. “Don? What’s going on? You alright?”

“I’m fine,” Don said, trying to calm down. “I thought you disappeared.”

“I told ya I was going to get a drink,” Casey said, still confused. “Sorry it took me a minute. Mikey sidetracked me and sent some food and a drink for you up with me.” He peered at Don. “You sure you’re good, man?”

Don sat down on a nearby stool. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I guess I’m just jumpy from everything. I thought you had a drink here and didn’t realize that you went down to the lair.”

“Oh,” Casey said.  “Sorry ‘bout that.”

Don waved it off. “Don’t worry about it. I should probably just get more sleep. Hand me a sandwich?”

“Sure thing,” Casey said, handing over a drink and a sandwich.

“I finally got that bolt off.”

“Really? Geeze, that thing was stuck on tight.”

~*~

“Gah!”

Don’s head jerked up from where he had been working, whipping in the direction that Raph’s cry had come from. Don immediately abandoned his work, jerking his goggles off of his head as he ran towards it. Raph was on his knees in the dojo, hands pressed over his eye, their father and other brothers already around him.

A burst of panic went through Don, and he doubled his speed. “What happened?!” he asked.

“We—we were just training and—and it went towards his eye! I don’t—I—” Mikey sounded panicked, and it fueled Don’s own panic.

“Move!” he demanded of his family, practically shoving them out of the way to get to Raph’s side. Raph still had his hands covering his left eye. “Raph, move your hands.” Raph didn’t and let out a grunt of pain. Don felt his panic rising. “Raphael, move your hands!”

Don didn’t often raise his voice, and especially not in situations where a calm disposition would be better. But this time he did, and it was enough to startle his family into compliance, for the most part. Don reached up and tugged Raph’s hands away. There was blood. In the eye, around the eye, and Don couldn’t see all of the damage.

He felt his panic rising. Raph could lose this eye. If the damage was bad enough, then Raph could—would—lose his eye. What would that mean for him? What would happen to him? If Raph lost his eye, that would change everything.

“Don? Don!” Leo’s voice broke through his panic. “How bad is it?”

Don swallowed. “I can’t tell yet. Mikey, go get my bag. Make sure to get my penlight. Leo, warm water and a soft cloth. Sensei, just stay with him and help keep him still and calm. Raph, don’t move.”

They moved to do what he said, but Leo hesitated. “Don? Can you handle this?”

“I’m fine, Leo,” Don said, his voice tight. “Just get me what I need.”

Fortunately, the injury itself wasn’t that bad. The throwing star had actually cut Raph’s eyelid, just barely above the eyeball itself. A loose sliver of metal from it had fallen into Raph’s eye. None of it was permanently damaging and all of it would heal. A little eyelid glue and a magnet took care of the problems, much to everyone’s relief. Don felt drained by the experience, which was odd, considering that looking back at it, it wasn’t as big of a deal as it had felt at the time. But maybe it was just all of the stress from being scattered three weeks ago, Bishop’s cloning adventure, and everything else that was building up.

~*~

When Don built his vehicles, he usually built the really sturdy. He had no idea what they were going to do in them, or how much punishment they would take. But one he built a bit hardier than the other was the Tunneler. The Tunneler was built to go underground, to withstand all sorts of hostile environments and terrain. He built the thing to withstand lava, even if it wasn’t forever. The Tunneler was a very hardy vehicle.

But even hardy vehicles needed maintenance. So, every so often, Don would go over all of his vehicles to see how they were doing. He’d been working on this for the past month. For some reason, he’d been avoiding the Tunneler, but it was the only one left. It had been like a looming presence this whole time, but it was time to face it.

Don had all of the tools he needed, as well as the cleaning supplies, and he walked closer to the Tunneler. Each step, though, seemed harder than the last, and a sense of dread seemed to fill him the closer he got. He felt like a weight was being pressed into his chest, as if something about this was foreboding. He paused, staring up at it.

Anxiety seemed to grip him, and he couldn’t understand why. It was just the Tunneler. It was just routine maintenance. It was just something he’d done several times before. But the anxiety was growing, and he didn’t know why, couldn’t understand why, wouldn’t understand why, and it was all he could do to stay grounded even the small amount that he was.

“Donnie? You alright, bro?”

The moment was broken, and Don could feel it. The anxiety was still there, but the overwhelming feeling of it was starting to fade. He looked back at Raph. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said.

Raph eyed him like he didn’t quite believe him, but he nodded anyway. “Need some help with this thing?”

Don looked at his brother. “Well, your eye should be nearly healed up, so as long as you’re careful, sure.”

Raph clapped Don on the shoulder. “Where do you want me to start?”

“Start with the engine. I’ll start on the electrical systems.”

“Got it.”

Having Raph there helped, but the feeling of foreboding never quite went away.

~*~

The Foot were up to something. That much was obvious. What was just as obvious was the fact that they needed to do something about it. Of course, that meant that they needed to figure out just what the Foot was up to. And that meant a mission.

The mission was supposed to be simple. Observe. Investigate. Regroup. But nothing ever went simple for them. They had gotten noticed, and a fight had ensued.

“Fall back!” Leo ordered. “We’re not fighting this fight today!”

None of them objected. There were too many Foot, and they hadn’t come prepared for a big fight. Unfortunately, the Foot were not as eager to let them go, and while Leo was in the middle of giving his order, a Foot soldier threw something that exploded right in front of Leo’s face.

Leo cried out, a hand coming up towards his eyes, and Don felt panic rise in him.

“Leo!” Mikey called out.

Raph was suddenly between Leo and the Foot Ninja that was trying to take a swipe at their brother.

“Don, get Leo!” Raph yelled out. “Mikey, make us a way out of here!”

“On it!” Mikey said.

“R-Right!” Don rushed towards Leo, reaching out for his brother that was rubbing at his eyes. “Come on, Leo, this way,” he said, helping him up.

“Donnie?” Leo said. “Don, Don I can’t see.”

A cold terror flowed through Don, but he shoved it to the side in favor of helping his brother. “Okay, Leo, just—it’ll be okay. It will be. Just follow me.”

Don led Leo out of the fighting, through the way that Mikey made for them, Raph guarding their rear. They managed to get back to the Battleshell, Mikey driving them home while Don looked Leo over. As far as he could tell, it looked like it was maybe a simple flash bomb, but he refused to say anything definitive until he had Leo back home where he could look at his eyes more properly. Fortunately, that seemed to confirm that it was just the damage from a flash bomb and was more than likely temporary.

Still, that “more than likely” ate at Don, and he insisted on being nearby while they waited to see if Leo’s eyesight would return. At some point, he tuned out Raph’s similar story, Mikey’s outlandish suggestions, and Splinter’s words of wisdom. Instead, a sense of dread consumed him, and his thoughts started spiraling.

What if this was permanent? What if it didn’t go away? What would this mean for Leo? Being a ninja was everything to him. Sure, he could still fight, Don was sure, but it would be such a huge adjustment. Would he be able to do it well? What if something happened while he was getting used to things again? Would he blame himself? Become bitter? What would the consequences of this be?

“Don? Donnie.”

“Huh?” Leo’s voice brought Don out of his thoughts, and he abruptly realized that he was the only one left in the room with Leo.

Leo frowned. “I said you can just leave me here for now. I’m going to listen to the TV, and I’ll call if I need help.” His frown deepened. “You alright, Don?”

“I’m fine,” Don said. “Sorry, this has just got me worried. First the scare with Raph’s eye, and now this for you—it’s a little too close together, I guess.”

Leo gave him a smile. “Yeah, I understand that. This past month has been crazy. Why don’t you come sit next to me? That way if anything changes, I can tell you right away.”

“You’re patronizing me,” Don said, but he came and sat next to Leo anyway.

“Is it working?” Leo teased.

Don laughed lightly. “Maybe a little.”

The dread didn’t go away, though, until Leo’s eyesight fully came back.

~*~

Nightmares weren’t an uncommon occurrence in this household. They all had them, although what, exactly, featured in them varied from person to person. Mikey’s usually featured something happening to their family. Raph’s were usually about him not being able to protect or, worse, hurting his family. The Triceritons featured quite a bit in Don’s own nightmares. It was no secret that Shredder haunted all of their dreams, but that he haunted Leo’s worst of all.

Now that Splinter had been given a vision to stop Shredder once and for all, it was no surprise that the nightmares of Shredder had increased. It also wasn’t a surprise that the brothers found themselves all together in the living room, even though they were supposed to be sleeping.

“Bad dream?” Raph said, directing his question at Leo.

Leo always had a particular look about him after a nightmare, especially if it was one from when the Shredder nearly killed him.

“Yeah,” he said, clutching one of the throw pillows to him. “It was the Shredder.”

Mikey pulled Klunk into his lap. “Yeah. He was in mine too,” he said, curling around his cat.

“I hadn’t even made it that far yet,” Raph said.

Don shook his head. “I wasn’t asleep, either.”

“No offense, Donnie, but that’s no surprise,” Mikey said.

“I hate to say it, but Mikey’s got a point,” Raph said. “You ain’t been sleeping much for the past five weeks.

“I was working on things!” Don defended himself.

“What do you think he’s planning?” Leo said, bringing the conversation back around. “The Shredder, I mean.”

“Master Splinter saw Master Yoshi, right? And he was in a Guardian uniform, and then Splinter was wearing the uniform,” Raph said. “The Guardians guarded the Utroms. So maybe it’s something to do with the Utroms.”

Something about that made Don deeply uncomfortable, and he didn’t know why.

“He’s been stealing things from Triceriton spaceships, too,” Mike said. “Maybe he’s trying to go back to space?”

“Or maybe he’s trying to go back to the Utrom home world,” Leo said. He looked over at Don. “Do you think that’s possible?”

“Definitely,” Don said without even hesitating. Dread started to creep its way up his throat. “If he had enough materials, he has the know-how, as do Stockman and Chaplin, I’m sure. He could leave here, go back to the Utrom home world or gather allies. If he conquered the Utroms, then with their technology…”

Don’s breath hitched as the possibilities spun around in his mind. Utrom technology used against the universe. Utrom slaves. Conquering other planets. Conquering Earth. The death, destruction, and desolation that would come with that. He could picture it so, so clearly, practically taste it, hear it, smell it.

“Don? Don!”

Don’s eyes jerked up. Mikey’s hand was on his shoulder, and all of his brothers were looking at him with concern.

“You okay?” Mikey asked him.

Don nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine,” he said, although it didn’t sound as convincing as he would have liked. “It’s just—thinking about what all could happen if the Shredder gets what he wants is… chilling.”

“It is,” Leo agreed. “And that’s why we have to stop him.”

A horrible sense of foreboding filled Don, but he just nodded along with his brothers.

~*~

Knowing that the Shredder was planning something and knowing what that plan was were two different things. They needed to know what the plan was, and if they disrupted it a little along the way, well, all the better. Which is how they found themselves facing down the Karai Legionnaires again.

The robots were tough, and a few of their weaknesses had been bled out of them, making this fight even harder. Don’s brothers had been fighting hard so that Don would have the time to get the information off of the computers that he needed—and to install a virus—and Don was hurrying as fast as he could. The Legionaries had brought a much bigger sense of urgency and danger to this recon mission, and Don was more than anxious to pull his flash drive from the computer. When it was finally finished, he yanked it from the computer and whirled, bo in hand, to rejoin the fight.

Leo and Raph seemed to be holding their own against some Foot soldiers. Mike was separate from them, though, and it took Don a second to find him. His heart nearly stopped when he did. A couple of Legionnaires were closing in on Mikey, and all that went through Don’s brain was No, not again!

Without even thinking about it, a desperation and a rage overtook Don, and he raced to Mikey’s side. He came down hard on one of the bots with a yell, hard enough to break his bo staff, but also to cause damage to the bot’s shoulder. It tried to whirl on him, but Don was having none of it. He picked up a fallen sword and jammed it into the damaged shoulder, putting all of his considerable strength into using the sword to tear the damaged arm off of the body of the bot. The sword went through, and the arm clanked to the ground, its weapon falling with it. Don stabbed the bot in the stomach, and then bent to pick up the naginata that it had dropped. Without a moment’s hesitation, he turned the blade on the bot and used it to slice it to pieces.

He immediately whirled on the one that was closing in on Mikey, throwing the naginata at it like a spear, and impacting it enough to send it flying back into a wall. Don scooped up a blaster that had fallen to the ground, and immediately turned it on the third bot, blasting it to pieces before turning back to the one he had thrown the naginata at before. He ruthlessly yanked it out of the bot, and then proceeded to stab it to death as well.

“You can’t have my brother!” he yelled. “Stay away from him! Stay away!”

“Whoa—Don, Donnie! Donatello! Don! Don calm down!”

Breathing hard, Don stepped away from the mutilated bot, and turned to look at his brothers. They were all there, all with their guards slightly down, but Don only had eyes for one right now. “Mikey,” he breathed out, and then practically fell on his brother.

“Dude, Don, are you okay?” Mikey asked as he held up his brother. “The last time you hugged me like this was five weeks ago.”

“I’m fine,” he said, a roughness in his voice. “I’m fine.”

“I kinda think you’re the opposite of that, but okay,” Mikey said, giving Don’s shell pats.

“Come on, let’s figure this out later,” Leo said. “We need to get out of here while the going is good.”

Don nodded, and they all moved forward, leaving the mutilated bots behind.

~*~

“I thought you said this place was abandoned!”

“It was supposed to be!”

Don looked around. This was not what was supposed to happen. This was just supposed to be a training run. But they had stumbled onto a Foot operation, and, true to form, a fight had broken out.

“Donnie! Figure out what’s going on here!” Leo said.

“Right!” Don sheathed his bo and turned, heading back towards the computers he had seen earlier. If he could get on them, then maybe, just maybe, he could figure out what was going on. He was climbing the stairs to the platform when two figures made themselves known.

“Well, well, well. Donatello.” Stockman’s pod appeared, the eyeball in it peering down.

Don froze.

“Don’t be impolite, Hun. Say hello.”

Hun smirked down at Don. “Greetings, Donatello,” he said with a smirk.

Don’s mind blanked.

Suddenly it wasn’t Stockman and Hun separate anymore, but an amalgamation of them in a wheelchair. Suddenly it wasn’t a random Foot warehouse they were fighting in, but it was the Shredder’s throne room. Suddenly it wasn’t Foot Ninja that his brothers were fighting, but Karai and Legionnaires, and they were losing, and they were dying, and it was his fault—and there was nothing that he could do about it.

“Don? Donnie!”

Almost as if he were watching it through someone else’s eyes, Don saw Raph appear and block a blow that had been coming at him.

“Donnie! Snap out of it! Donnie!”

Don couldn’t snap out of it. He couldn’t break free. All he could see was Raph dying again, and he was powerless to stop it.

“Shell—Leo! Something’s wrong with Donnie!”

“What?”

“I don’t know!”

Raph was suddenly gone from his sight, and all he could see was Hun coming after him, Stockman peering over his shoulder—or maybe attached to it, Don couldn’t tell anymore. Hun’s hand reached out and grabbed Don, picking him up by the neck and shoulders, and Don instinctively scrambled for a hold that would take the pressure off of his neck. Hun squeezed, and the pressure increased.

Suddenly, there was a yell, and Hun dropped him, holding his bleeding arm. Leo was in front of Don, and Don watched everything as if in a daze. Arms went around him, and he heard Mikey’s voice saying something, but Don wasn’t sure what. Everything was a confusing jumble as Don was hoisted up and practically carried out by his brothers. Through the warehouse, out to the streets, down into the manhole cover, and into the sewers. Very little of the trip registered with him. It was only when he was sitting on the couch, Master Splinter looking into his eyes, that Don began to comprehend what was happening around him again.

“M…Master Splinter?”

“Donatello? Are you back with us, my son?”

Back with them? Don blinked, trying to understand what was going on. He was home. His family was staring at him. His face was wet. That didn’t explain much. It didn’t explain anything. It certainly didn’t explain the images, the sensations he was reliving.

Reliving… Don’s breath hitched. He couldn’t tell them. There was no way that he could tell them. What would they think? What would they say? Don had killed them. He had killed them! He had disappeared and failed and the worst had happened. There was no way he could tell them what he had lived through.

But as Don looked at Splinter’s worried eyes, the compassion, the love, and the concern in them, he broke. Don crumbled, curling in on himself as the sobs started. He felt more than saw his brothers closing ranks around him, trying to comfort him. He felt his father’s arms as Splinter coaxed him to uncurl and drew Don’s head to his shoulder.

Don wasn’t sure how much time had passed before the tears, sobs, wails, and apologies finally slowed, but they did, eventually. His family pulled back a little, just enough to give him space to think, clearly concerned.

“Donatello, my son, what happened?” Splinter asked. “What has gotten you into this state.”

Don wiped his eyes with a shaking hand. “I…” he started, trying to put what had happened into words. “I… I think…” he paused and looked up at his family. “…I’m not fine.”

His family drew closer around him as, six weeks later, Don finally explained where he had gone and what he had done when he was sent away by Draco and the Daimyo’s son. By the time he was finished explaining, broken and piecemeal that it was, Don was exhausted on every level. But his family was here. His family was around him, and although the memories were heavy, it still felt like something had been lifted from him.

Don wasn’t fine. He wasn’t going to be fine for a while. He had repressed what had happened, not able to face what he did, but it had still made itself known in little ways, until, finally, it had forced its way out completely. But here, with his family, his suffering could finally come out and be dealt with—and his family would be with him every step of the way.

[kiankiwi]

Hi, could you maybe do one where Austin is on set but gets a call that his girlfriend was involved in an accident and he goes there immediately and is super soft spoken and gentle with her? Thank youuu

Austin was in the middle of a scene when an assistant ran onto set, holding out Austin's phone which said it had at least six missed calls from the local hospital. "I'm sorry for interrupting, sir. But this is important." He nodded and as soon as he realized a hospital was calling him, he ran off somewhere quiet while his heart began to pound.

"Is this Austin?" A female voice on the phone asked

"Yes, this is he?" He said, as he began to panic. "I'm Dr. Jones calling from Baptist Memorial, you've been listed as YN's emergency contact and unfortunately she came in about an hour ago with road rash, a few lacerations to her face and a broken wrist. She's alright but we haven't been able to reach you and I wanted to try and call myself."

"Yes, yes my phone was off... I-I-I'll be right there. Is she okay?"" Austin asked. "She's going to be okay sir, only minor injuries but she's been asking for you constantly."

Austin took a deep breath, trying to keep calm as he ran his hand through his hair. "I'm sure she's so scared... I'm leaving now."

Austin jumped and his car and sped to the hospital. He haphazardly parked his car and ran into the ER. Out of breath, he asked, "I'm Austin... my girlfriend, YN was in an accident and she was brought here?"

"Oh yes sir, she's in room 3416." Before the nurse could finish saying the room number, Austin sped off to your room.

He realized as soon as he got to your hospital door that he probably looked all crazy terrified. And the last thing you needed was to be stressed out or scared so he took a minute to try and calm himself down before he saw you.

He ended up pacing a bit, trying to control his breathing so he wasn't visibly freaking out when he walked in. "Okay, okay Austin," He whispered to himself, "the nurse said she was okay... get yourself together!" He yelled at himself. "Breathe.. she's fine... she's fine... she's fine!"

It took about ten minutes before he felt calm enough to even put his hand on your hospital doorknob. Here we go he thought.

He expected you to be covered in tubes and wires but thankfully you only had a wrapped wrist and a smile on your face along with a few bandages on your face from the roadrash and lacerations they said you got in the accident'. Leave it you to be thrown around in a car a bit and still be smiling.

"Hi baby," you whispered, gesturing him to come over with your good hand. He hesitated, afraid giving you a hug would hurt you. "I... I don't wanna hurt you." You chuckled a bit but stopped as you held your ribs. "I-I'm okay, I'm okay I promise. Just the wrist and a few bruises. Come give me a hug bubs."

Hearing the permission, Austin rushed forward and carefully hovered above you so you could finally give him a hug. "Hi baby.." you said again, relaxing into the loose hug. "Ugh, you scared me bug." "I didn't do it on purpose." You reminded him. "I know, I know I just... I never wanna be that scared again. Especially when it comes to you. I love you bubba." He says, looking down at your joined hands. "Hey, hey," You unclasp your hands and cradle his cheek in your good hand. "Austin, I'm okay. I'm totally okay I promise. It could've been a lot worse and yes I'm lucky but I promise you I'm good. I'm just gonna have trouble not being able to use both my hands for a bit."

Austin's face lights up at the thought of helping you while your hand and wrist heal. "I can help!" He says almost excitedly. "I know you will baby boy. And I wanna thank you in advance. And I love you too by the way."

"I-is there anything I can do.. now?" He hesitantly asks, giving your laid up body a full onceover. "Can you just lay with me? Just be careful of my arm." He nods. "My feet will hang off the bed though.." He says smiling as you two attempt to get comfy in the bed meant for one. "You're my gentle giant." You whisper as you lay your head on his chest. "Hey, hey are you allowed to sleep?" You nod, feeling his heartbeat pick up anxiously through his shirt. "Yes baby, I'm all cleared. Now can we please take a nap?"

Austin already knew he wouldn't be sleeping much, he'd be too worried about you to get any real sleep but he nodded anyway. "Just wake me if you need anything okay?" You nodded dutifully and sighed against your boyfriends chest, happy to be back where you belong. In his safe embrace.

***

protective boyfriend austin... there we go!

<3 I hope you like it and if you want to request anything else, just put it in my inbox

see you soon, happy reading!

@elvisthesillygoose @austinbutlernews @austinbutlerr @mooodyblue

[allylikethecat]

January OTP Prompts

Day six lets go! I very much considered not completing this one because I was tired and wanted to read my book but I'm very happy I forced myself to power through!

Warnings: References made to drug addiction / rehab, and declining mental health

6. Lonely

George didn’t know what day it was. He didn’t know what time it was or how much  time had passed. The sun had risen and set at least twice, sunlight streaming through the gap in the curtains, stinging his eyes. It  caused him to curl further in on himself, burying his face under the blankets as if he could bury the bone crushing loneliness he felt alone in a bed bought for two. He knew that Matty was sick, he knew that Matty was getting the help that he so desperately needed. But that didn’t mean that George wasn’t hurting too, an ache deep in his chest. The fear that somehow this was his fault, that Matty would come back, healed and whole and see just how broken, just how toxic, George himself was.

George should have been better. He should have noticed that Matty was sick, that he was getting worse, and succumbed to the thrall of addiction. But he liked it when Matty smiled, and Matty had started smiling more, things that would have sent him spiraling now rolling off his back like water off a leaf. He knew Matty had lost weight, he would have been blind not to see it, but Matty brushed him off citing the stress of tour and smiled assurances that I’m fine George, really.

George wondered if he just hadn’t wanted to see it, hadn’t wanted to disrupt the carefully balanced equilibrium that they had reached. He wondered if he was selfish, too worried about disrupting his own fragile mental health that he allowed Matty to put his life at risk. He felt like he had put Matty’s life at risk. And now here he was, making things about himself. Matty was gone, shipped off to rehab for the next who knew how many weeks were left, screaming and sobbing as Jamie herded him onto the chartered plane, begging George not to make him go, not to send him away. And now here George was, alone, laying in the bed they had picked out together, swaddled in the sheets he desperately needed to change but couldn’t bring himself to, the cotton still smelt like Matty. 

George had never done well on his own. Everyone saw Matty and assumed he was the extrovert, that he was the one that thrived off of human companionship. They didn’t see that Matty was just as content alone with a cigarette, they didn’t see that George was the one that felt as if the loneliness would kill him. He felt pathetic even thinking it, not daring to even breathe the words aloud. But he was, he was lonely. He was lonely without Matty’s slender form tucked against his side in their bed. He was lonely without Matty moving throughout their home, bumping into things, knocking things over, causing a general ruckus as he hummed to himself, always making noise, always bringing life into the now dismal space. Matty wasn’t just George’s other half, he was the one thing that kept him from feeling broken and alone. 

Day: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

[twistedwonderworm]

HELLO! I noticed ur matchups are still open! I was wondering if I could put myself forward!

(1) Miya! (She/her)

(2) I’m a little bit of an introvert but a massive extrovert when with close friends, I’m a hopeless romantic too! I love going on walks in the rain or foggy weather just to be alone sometimes! I also sleep a lot- I used to get mad at everything really easily but now I try and calm myself down before going further in a situation like that! I usually tend to care more about other peoples well being than my own because I feel it’s not as important as keeping other safe! I’m around 5’3 people often are quick to judge me based off my height when I could probably beat them up if I had the chance- idk if this counts but my love language is physical affection!

(3) I usually dislike it when some is just flat out rude towards someone for no reason! And I especially don’t like it when people pry into other’s social or at home life and judge them based off that rather than as a person! Oh and I really hate people who think they’re SO much better than everyone just because they’re popular or something! It really gets on my nerves

(4) Hmm out of everyone I’d probably say Rook and Crowley! Idk they just kinda pisses me off ^^

(5) Nope I wouldn’t mind!

Thanks ♥️

Sorry that this is so late. I've been very busy, but I hope you like this match up!!

I'm matching you up withhhhh

The forest Fae, Trey Clover!!!!

I think Trey would be the perfect match for you. Though like you, he has a tendency to care for others rather than himself, but that just means that you can both help take care of each other. I can totally see him making you a little snack or something when you wake up too. And as a forest fae, rain doesn't bother him as much as someone else from his dorm (looking at you fire elemental Riddle).

Also Trey is not strictly an introvert or an extrovert. He's very good with people and willing to hang around those that he's close too, but sometimes he still needs to take a step back to help deal with the stress he has to face as a vice housewarden and as pretty much the mom of the dorm. He also doesn't get angry very easily and is rather good at calming people down.

♣️♣️♣️♣️♣️

"I'm very happy you invited me out tonight," Trey said, a small smile gracing his face as he walked alongside Miya. He enjoyed hanging out with her, and today was a practically stressfully day. Ace had crashed into the dorm building while trying to show off again, breaking his wings once again. Trey swords he'd be a master healer by the time he graduates due to how many times he had to heal Ace's wings.

"I'm happy you agreed to come out," Miya answered holding the umbrella carefully. It was raining tonight and it seemed no one else wanted to get caught in it so they were the only ones wandering about. It was very peaceful. Trey was keeping his stride slow. With his long, deer like legs, he normally walked very fast, but he wanted to make sure she would easily keep up with him.

"It's very relaxing to walk with someone you care about," Trey said softly, droplets of water hanging off of his antlers.

"You care about me?" The human asked, caught off guard by his statement. The fae just laughed and took her friend hand, a gentleness in his golden eyes.

"I thought that much was obvious."

[glittertomb]

(There’s a fun exercise for expelling negative energy in bold font at the bottom if you don’t have the time or energy to read all of this)

I’ve been trying to live my life by the seasons more… such as shopping for seasonal crops, decorating my home festively, changing my altar with more regularity, following the moon and different celestial periods more carefully, celebrating holidays and practicing rituals instead of letting them pass me by, preparing myself and my space for upcoming changes, and fully immersing myself in different activities for the current weather… ✨so✨I decided to have a little Mabon celebration last night even though I’m in the middle of a chaotic move and torn between three places.

I spent all day methodically cleaning and preparing my new space, which was both coincidental and intentional because I’m unpacking boxes and cleansing myself of stuff I don’t need and organizing the things I do need in an aesthetically pleasing but functional way. And when I tuckered myself out I went into the backyard (yay, I finally have a yard 🥺🙏🏻) to commune with nature and eat wild apples while keeping an eye on my exploring housecat. Then I made an eggplant, cauliflower, bok choy, ginger, and green pepper stirfry to enjoy with my sister and her boyfriend (and he made onigiri which was so so tasty), and we drank witches brew and watched the live action One Piece and it was really cozy and cute. But now I’m getting to the part I’m really excited to tell you about! It starts out a bit sad but gets good, I promise.

I have a lot of old trauma that’s manifested itself in awful ways into my body such as chronic pain, chronic nausea, vagus nerve issues, and crippling anxiety, and all of this has recently culminated into the worst my health has ever been. Unfortunately, I was so deep in medical debt from surgeries, doctor appointments, medications, natural remedies, coping devices, therapy appointments, and disorder testing for almost 10 years (which sadly amounted to neither answers nor reprieve), that I couldn’t afford more care or to take time off so I could try to heal, so I was not only still suffering but feeling completely hopeless. On top of all of that, I just went through half a year of horror because I moved in with an old, dear friend who turned out to not be so dear as I thought and he was manipulative, moody, narcissistic, codependent, judgmental, filthy, and disrespectful of my boundaries, so my hair was falling out in clumps due to stress and I wasn’t taking care of my body because I was genuinely afraid to use the bathroom, kitchen, and other living spaces. This friendship loss was really discouraging because I’ve had to let go of both of my best friends this calendar year as well for reasons I don’t want to go into, but let’s just say that they were both habitually selfish, inconsiderate, and emotionally immature, so even though I love them and miss them terribly I had to move on. As if that were not enough, my job was taxing physically, mentally, and emotionally, and was not respecting my scheduling or disability boundaries, and because of staffing issues I felt obligated to work these ridiculous 12+ hour shifts because no one else could or would. All this to say that I felt like a broken-down, miserable, rotten, and weary version of myself and had lots of bitterness, hopelessness, negative energy, and old trappings to release myself from; so moving into a new space right at the change of the seasons would be a perfect time to do it!

What I decided to do when I went back home after dinner was write a list of things I wanted to expel, and I encourage you to do so as well! This can be bad habits, old mentalities, feelings of self-doubt, relationships that no longer serve you, just anything that’s holding you back from the life you want to live. I noted where I would experience sensations in my physical body as I wrote these things down (for example, as I was writing to you above about these friendships, I felt an ache in my chest and a burning sensation in my arms and throat), because that’s where the body is internalizing these feelings and where you’ll have to do extra work in the release process. Now it’s time for the fun part!

First, I played Shake it Off by Taylor Swift and danced, focusing on literally shaking off the old energy from parts of my body where I was experiencing negative physical sensations. I think this song is a great place to start because you can feel pretty silly doing this at first, but the whole vibe of this song is “who cares about looking silly and who cares about what the haters think”. I’m kinda my own biggest hater and have a ton of self doubt, so I actually had to go for a second round of this song until I started feeling comfortable enough, and hey, that’s okay!

Once I got into the grove, I played Dust Me Off by Tilly & the Wall and continued to dance, shake my body, and dust off all the sadness, fear, doubt, anger, hurt, and anxiety that I’ve been holding on to for so so so long. I’m allowed to forgive myself for old transgressions. I’m allowed to move on from ancient painful memories. I’m allowed to put down old habits, feelings, friendships, and places and open myself up to new ones!

Now that I was really releasing, it was time to get spiritual with Shake it Out by Florence Welch. I shook, I spun around, I flailed, until I cast off the “devil on [my] back” and let myself sway to the end of the song. It was cathartic, it was healing, it was soothing, it helped me work off that cookie I had after dinner, and afterwards I had a really wonderful sleep and woke up feeling more empowered to take on the day.

It was such a good exercise that I wanted to share it with everyone and I will definitely be revisiting it next time I’m feeling stagnated, overburdened, or depressed. I’m going to continue in the spirit of Mabon today with a little bit of tea, meditation, and maybe even decorating my altar with some early-autumn leaves, so don’t feel like it’s too late to try this just because Mabon was technically yesterday. 😊🍁🧡

And p.s. Feel free to message me other songs about shaking out the old or dusting off bad feelings. I’m inspired to make a playlist.

P.p.s. It’s in a little bit of a different vein but I just remembered Sweeping Spell by Faun Fables, which is about sweeping out old energies and cleaning up your home while you prepare for the dark season. 🧹🧹🧹

P.p.s.s. I first learned about releasing trauma through physical movement when reading The Body Keeps the Score, but that book is a bit tiresome and the author is a problematic old man, so I will post a list of better books to read on the subject soon 💜💜love yous and I hope you experience more peace after doing this!

[finnritter]

For the ask game: Finwe :DD

Ask Game: Thank you so much!! Turns out I had a lot more to say about him than I initially thought, considering that he's normally not one of the characters I focus on a lot.

Finwë

one aspect about them i love

He is basically THE character that set everything in the history of the Noldor rolling, beginning with his role as the born leader of the Noldor, giving birth to one of the most influential elves of all time, his invention of the concept of step-family, which caused a chain reaction of trouble, and then dying in the perfect moment to give his people an extra burst of rebellious energy. Even though his role in the actual silm is mostly passive (I mean… he’s dead for almost all of it after all), he is a character that you can’t really avoid; no matter which parts/characters you focus on, if it’s one of the Eldar, chances are high that you encounter Finwë/the impact he had on said charater one way or another. Which leads to so many different interpretations of him, some more flattering than others. It’s actually that vagueness linked with his massive background influence that make him interesting to me – even though I don’t have a very fixed characterisation of him myself yet.

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

I’m not super passionate about him, so I can’t think of any misunderstandings I desperately want to clear up, but I do think that people tend to forget, just how old and experienced he is and how much different his upbringing and youth was, compared to most of the Calaquendi, including all of his descendants and possibly both of his wives. The guy has lived in ME for a considerable amount of time, he has experience with travel and fighting like almost no other elf in Aman has. He has seen some shit. Of course, none of his descendants can ask him about this anymore when it finally begins to matter to them, but still, this must have been highly influential to his personality and possibly the way he raised his children.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

He very carefully makes sure to treat all of his many grandchildren equally and to spend time with all of them on their own sometimes, whenever he can. It’s one of the few things that can stress him out considerably because he tries so hard to keep a mental (or sometimes physical) list of which grandchild currently likes which toy/hobby or what he gave all of them for their begetting days/similar occasions so that he doesn’t actually spoil one more than the others. This is a) due to the fact that he does not want to repeat the mistakes he did with his own children, and b) because he really enjoys being a grandfather and having children around once more – they grow up so fast, after all.

one character i love seeing them interact with

Fëanor. His relationship with all of his children is super interesting and complex, but Fëanor takes the cake in this one. They are basically the two only people who kind of understand each other’s trauma after Míriel’s death and yet never manage to actually comprehend what the other needs to heal. I do think Finwë really tried his best to help his son, but ultimately he never actually seemed to understand that the choice of remarriage was a choice he made for himself and not for the two of them. And he probably tried to make Fëanor understand this choice and the rest of his family understand Fëanor in all the wrong ways, only deepening the rift between them. I’ll never get over the pain of that, this whole affair sucked so much for everyone involved.

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

Some of the other Cuiviénen elves, especially Ingwë, Olwë and Thingol! Either in their youth, which as I said is actually a pretty cool and very unexplored part of Elvish history, or some interactions with Olwë and Ingwë in Aman, which could also be interesting.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

He loved Míriel and Indis in very different ways, which was a huge part of the reason why he considered remarrying at all. Míriel always inspired him with her own drive for creation, her affinity for fogetting everything around her – no matter if it was about her work or her love for him. Her passion and spontaneity always felt to him like going on an adventure together, a kind of “you and me against the world”-situation. His love for Indis is more steady, he loves how she supports him but also isn’t afraid of putting him in his place when necessary. They communicate a lot (even though he does not always listen to her when it’s important) and the love they share generally feels more like coming home and safety than like an adventure.

[icharchivist]

Ok I need to tell someone (already told my brother but I was being reassuring w/ him and i want to be dramatic)

I ALMOST LOST MY FINGER

MY RING FINGER ON MY LEFT HAND

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

so I have a family ring i wear on that finger, and yesterday i twisted my ankle, fell and caught myself by my hands, and the edges of the ring are sharp enough i guess that it cut my finger 2-3 mm into my FLESH on the bottom of the ring, where the finger connects with the palm

and I have anxiety, so as one does I stressed over it BUT told noone because I wanted it to like, go away on its own. I put mercurochrome on it and then i assumed it was good.

the part that is important to understand is that because I am fat, but I put on the ring on that finger when I weighed 10 kilos less, the ring is stuck on. I have not taken off the ring in YEARS. and i still couldnt take it off because, despite the fact that it hurt, I didn't magically lose those 10 kilos when I fell.

so I went to bed. because i am on a pain medication (hip problems) i didn't notice any bad pain, but oh boy. The ring was still there. And whilst I control my hand movements during the day, when I sleep it's a fucking PARTY apparently because when I woke up, the finger...

whilst it was not cut off!! the cut was deeper!!!! by a few mm!!!!!!!

and it still did not hurt, and also barely bled (because the blood flow on that finger was not ideal due to the ring), so i put a bandaid on and did my things. including DRAGGING A FULLY LOADED GROCERY CART AROUND WITH MY LEFT HAND

but then i was like "it hurts a lot" and then remembered that since i am on pain meds, it must HURT A LOT A LOT

so i went to the pharmacy, when the lady took one look at it and went "you have to go to the emergency room" and I went "why?" (because im a MORON) to which she answered "you are going to loose your finger? if you don't take off that ring that is CUTTING YOUR FINGER OFF??? theyre gonna cut it off at the emergency room" and THANK GOD WE'RE FRENCH because "ils vont la couper" was gendered of course but now writing it back in english it sounds like she meant my finger haha but no she meant they're gonna cut the ring at the emergency room

the ermergency room

the room that is for emergencies

the room that is for emergencies that I toooootally went to

....

so i, after hearing her advice, i did not heed her advice, and did NOT go to the emergency room (i don't have a car)

...

BECAUSE I AM SMART and remembered there was a jeweler on the same street, so I went to the jeweler, and he said "?didn't they tell you to go to the emergency room?" and I said "can't you do it?" and he was super nice and careful, whilst he cut off the ring - the ring which belonged to my dead grandma, that she gave me to remind me that our family would always be there for me even if they passed (like SHE DID - jk at the time she meant my dead uncle, not her, she was alive when she gave it to me) so yeah i feel SUPER GUILTY ABOUT CUTTING IT OFF BUT IT WAS IT OR ME FINGER still i feel guilty about it

and then i went back to the pharmacy and the lady was like "yOU CUT IT OFF YOURSELF????" because she knew I was back after only 15 minutes or so, and she knows where I live (since its my neighbourhood pharmacy) so I think she thought I went back to my flat to do it myself haha

I reassured her I hadn't, and i showed her the cut and she went "hmmm ok doesnt need stitches.... .... ...............for now" ?????????????? then she gave me a product to help it heal+scar safely, and she sent me on my merry way so i guess in the end im all good................... .for now

(I typed this message veeeeeery carefully I swear)

(thank you for listening haha)

oh my fucking GOD JULIETTE??? THAT'S TERRIFYING??????

it somehow gets worse in worse in each paragraphes and it starts out PRETTY BAD TO START WITH

Although now i can't help but be a bit worried, i admit i'm also amazed and horrified by how long it took to take care of it..... while also thinking about how with the combo anxiety+distance i probably would also have tried to ignore it until it goes away so i can't actually judge you on this one

I'm just glad it ended up being okay and you managed to work around it. So sorry the ring had to be cut for it though :( but i guess you can see it as payback. it did cut you first after all!

I do understand the need to be dramatic to deal with this situation and i'm glad you did it here though. At least it's ending well.

And DO be careful with your hands now :o

anyway i wish you a good recovery and good luck with your new bandage-themed-ring that will hopefully make this situation easier.

Take care!!!

[fluffyseal322]

“I need healing” as one would spam on overwatch :3 heh..

Ehem.. anyways um I I got my heart broken by a guy I’ve only known for 3 days. Yes, I was crushed.. devastated even. it’s okay, I kind of needed this. This pain made me find an obsession with my emotions. A slight obsession with my healing. I’m back to putting the same new music I found shamelessly on repeat. It feels nice I think. I need to understand that one heartbreak shouldn’t determine my worth. But thanks to friends that care and are willing to help me out, I was able to bounce back. Yes, he disrespected me but that just means that if it’s not him then it will be someone else. No revenge because the person that he was to me was bad enough. How dare he hurt someone as pure hearted as me. My intentions were made from love for him only and that was his loss. I’ll show him that he missed out. I’ll show everyone who’s hurt me. I’ll create a name for myself, keep my head up high, and keep the friends most genuine to me close. I will do my best to not be a slave to my insecurities. I like to write, I like to understand relationships, I like to understand life. I’m not stupid, I’m not immature, he just didn’t know me. Yes, I have that childlike sense of whimsy and joy but that doesn’t make me childish or viewed as any less of a human being I am. I almost forgot how much I love the person I am. I’ll bounce back, I know I will. I have very strongly protected, pure-hearted, and powerful minded friends to remind me of my worth and this carefully selected circle of friends I’ve made for myself just reminds me how much of a loving, good person I am. I am truly so grateful of them.

Another important thing I’d like to ask myself, why did I love him? If I say I love him and I feel the love for him, what was it that was so nice? Maybe it was just the way he made me feel… not many people know how to be so nurturing and caring as he is. The way he held my face the way he did and the way his every action was a natural instinct to anything I’d do. The way I didn’t have to ask him to tell me to do things or to be overprotective, it was just in his nature to do so. Yes, I can tell anyone to do that but it would just be different because it’s not in their spirit to have that playful affection and light-hearted energy. His charm was perfectly made for me and it was something I was so excited to have for myself. His morals also aligned with my own, he’s ambitious, he’s clean, almost in a perfectionist way. And someone who’s organized brings less stress to me although I don’t mind picking up after my person.

That’s it for now though, it’s thanksgiving and I’ve just arrived to my sisters neighborhood. I’m distracted that’s all ! I enjoyed writing again, it felt genuine and not rushed.

One last thought, a hobby that I’d like to pick up again is reading and writing and I do wanna pick up weed again. It just works for me and helps me simplify my life and thoughts. It helps with that overwhelming feeling.

[regrowyourhair1]

Hair Transplant Cost Gold Coast: A Comprehensive Guide

 Hair loss can be an emotionally taxing experience, affecting self-esteem and confidence. Like many others, I found myself exploring options to restore my hair. After extensive research, I decided to undergo a Hair Transplant  Gold Coast—a decision that transformed my outlook and appearance. In this blog, I’ll share my personal experience, the process, and tips to help you prepare for your hair restoration journey.

Why I Chose the Gold Coast for My Hair Transplant

The Gold Coast is known for its cutting-edge medical facilities and experienced practitioners specializing in hair restoration. The clinics here offer a range of advanced treatments, from FUE (Follicular Unit Extraction) to DHI (Direct Hair Implantation), with highly skilled professionals ensuring natural-looking results. Additionally, the sunny Gold Coast provided the perfect backdrop for a relaxing recovery.

The Initial Consultation

Before committing to the procedure, I scheduled a consultation with a renowned clinic. During the session, the doctor examined my scalp and discussed my goals. They explained the different techniques, including:

FUE (Follicular Unit Extraction): Individual hair follicles are harvested and implanted in the balding areas.

FUT (Follicular Unit Transplantation): A strip of hair is removed and dissected into grafts for transplantation.

PRP Therapy (Platelet-Rich Plasma): Often combined with hair transplants to enhance growth.

After assessing my hair loss pattern, the doctor recommended FUE for my specific needs.

Preparing for the Procedure

Preparation is key for a successful hair transplant. Here’s what I did leading up to my appointment:

Stopped Smoking and Alcohol Consumption: These can hinder healing and blood flow.

Avoided Certain Medications: My doctor provided a list of medications to avoid, such as aspirin and blood thinners.

Followed a Healthy Diet: I incorporated nutrient-rich foods to promote recovery.

The clinic also provided a detailed guide, which made the preparation process smooth and stress-free.

The Day of the Procedure

On the day of the procedure, I arrived at the clinic early in the morning. The staff welcomed me warmly, which helped ease my nerves. Here’s how the day unfolded:

Local Anesthesia: The procedure started with the administration of local anesthesia to numb my scalp.

Extraction of Follicles: Using a micro-punch tool, the doctor carefully extracted healthy follicles from the donor area.

Implantation: Each follicle was meticulously implanted into the balding areas following the natural direction of my hair growth.

The process took several hours but was pain-free thanks to the anesthesia. I even got to watch movies during the procedure!

Post-Procedure Care

Recovery was relatively straightforward, though it required diligence. The clinic provided post-procedure care instructions, which included:

Gentle Washing: I was advised to wash my hair gently with a mild shampoo.

Avoiding Strenuous Activity: Physical exertion was limited for the first two weeks.

Medication: I was given antibiotics to prevent infection and anti-inflammatory medication to reduce swelling.

Follow-Up Visits: Regular follow-ups ensured the transplanted follicles were growing as expected.

The Results: Patience Pays Off

Hair transplants are not an overnight fix, but the results are worth the wait. Here's a timeline of my progress:

Week 1-2: Some redness and scabbing occurred, which subsided with proper care.

Month 1: I experienced the “shedding phase,” where transplanted hairs fell out—a normal part of the process.

Month 3-4: New hair growth became visible, and I could see my hairline taking shape.

Month 6-12: Significant growth occurred, and my hair looked fuller and natural.

By the one-year mark, I was thrilled with the results. The transplanted hair blended seamlessly with my natural hair, boosting my confidence.

Tips for Anyone Considering a Hair Transplant

Choose a Reputable Clinic: Research the clinic and ensure the practitioners are experienced in hair restoration.

Be Realistic: Understand that results take time and may vary depending on individual factors.

Follow Aftercare Instructions: Proper post-procedure care is crucial for success.

Ask Questions: Don’t hesitate to ask your doctor about the process, risks, and expected outcomes.

Consider PRP Therapy: It can enhance the results and promote faster growth.

Why It Was Worth It

Looking back, my Hair Transplant  Gold Coast was one of the best decisions I’ve made. The professional care, combined with the stunning location, made the entire experience positive. More importantly, regaining a full head of hair gave me renewed confidence and a more youthful appearance.

Conclusion

If you’re considering a Hair Transplant,  Gold Coast offers world-class facilities and skilled professionals to help you achieve your hair restoration goals. With patience, preparation, and the right care, you can enjoy transformative results just like I did.