#bc this thing took like 2 hours and i wasn't expecting that

[marnikula]

Can u do early seasons spencer x reader who has a lot of problems and they let people walk all over them and they dont set boundaries and they struggle with their emotions. Reader likes spencer a lot but doesn't seek him out bc they feel like he deserves better! And u can decide what happens but make it happy ending :)

Oh my word, I literally spent like 2 hours writing this because I wrote something and then my internet cut out when I posted and now it's lost, so I had to rewrite it. Hope you enjoy!

Cw: gn reader, people dumping work on reader, Spencer being cute

Enjoy!

You were a doormat. You knew it, your friends knew it, everyone knew it. You tried to set boundaries, to say no, but it never seemed to stick. Saying no made you feel guilty, it made you feel like a bad person even though you knew you weren't.

Being a doormat, people tended to walk all over you, requesting ridiculous things of you. That is how it came to be that you were sitting alone in the bullpen, the clock ticking away, showing you that it was around midnight and you still had a whole stack of papers to go through. You felt yourself about to fall asleep, and truly, you were too tired to fight it off when a ding signaled the arrival of someone.

Without even turning to look who it was you knew it was Spencer Reid. You recognized his footsteps, and even if you didn't, the smell he brought with him would have alerted you. It was the smell of coffee mixed sweet undertones, almost as if he had spent his whole day in a café. It was intoxicating. "What are you still doing here?" "Working, I have a lot of stuff to finish before tomorrow" "you mean today" looking back at the clock you could see he was right, it was now officially the next day.

"Do you need some help?" without even waiting for you to decline Spencer took half of the pile you were working on. He moved fast, knowing you well enough to know that you hated asking for help, especially from him, he just could never figure out why.

"Spencer, you really don't need to, I've got this" reaching your hands to take the files back only to be swatted away by the doctor was something you did not expect. "I'm not saying you don't have it, I'm just going to help you so you can go home earlier"

Sighing you admitted defeat and went to go make coffee for the two of you. With Spencer's help you managed to make it through the massive stack of papers on your desk in less that an hour, something you would never have been able to do on your own.

"You, doctor Spencer Reid, are amazing, what can I do to thank you?" it was a slight tease on your part. You didn't expect him to ask you anything return, it wasn't like him, he was too nice . That was one of the things you loved about him, and one of the reasons you willed the crush growing in your heart to shrivel up and die. He deserved so much better than you. Someone with a mind as amazing as his own, someone with kindness rivaling his and someone who knew how to say no. You were none of those. At least not in your own eyes.

"You could go on a date with me" Spencer surprised himself with those words, he really hadn't meant to say them out loud, but he really liked you, and in a moment of confidence inspired by sleep deprevation, he decided to take a chance.

"Really? You mean it?" the both of you were blushing hard at this point, him thinking about how he could have possibly screwed this up and you thinking about how this could possibly get any better.

"I-I mean, only if you want to, you really don't have to feel pressured, I know I said I would take it as paiment, but honestly spending time with you was enough of a payme-" grabbing his face in your hands you turned him to look at you, shutting off his ramblings with the movement and shutting off his brain with your words

"I would love to"

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for asking my SO to do something that they have trauma around?

I don't know when this will be posted but as of writing we are about 2 weeks post valentines day. Ages and genders irrelevant, we're in our 20s and queer.

So I have not been with Jordan long, but we knew each out for a few months as friends before we got together, and have been close pretty much all of the time we've known each other. This is to say, I know them pretty well despite us not actually having been dating that long.

Because we were already friends I knew going into the relationship, without Jordan specifically saying anything, that they had plans on Valentines day. They got tickets to a concert I wasn't interested in a decent amount of time before we got together.

Obviously, not an issue in the slightest, and neither of us brought up anything regarding Valentines day. It was a week day, so I was working all day, and then the time of the concert meant there was no possibility of meeting up after, just not meant to be this year. I thought we were in the same boat just silently agreeing that the timing wasn't right but that it wasn't a big enough deal to even be worth bringing up, especially in such a new relationship.

Some backstory on me: I'm a hopeless romantic and have a kind of cute aesthetic? I like dressing in bright colours, and some of my favourite outfits have prints of hearts, flowers, and cherries. Needless to say I really enjoy the aesthetic of Valentines day, and I've always kind of fantasised about being able to spend it with someone I have romantic feelings for. I've only had two romantic relationships before this and the first one only lasted 6 months and didn't make it to Valentines day, and in the second we both contracted the same bug and were horribly sick throughout February.

Obviously I don't think you should only do things for your SO on Valentines day, but I think it would be fun to have the chance to really get into it! In the past I've organised Valentines day events with my other single friends where we dress in pink and have heart shaped foods etc and those have been great, but haven't quite satisfied my desire to have a Romantic Valentines.

So, despite the fact that my SO was busy, I wanted to do a little something. I do digital art, so when I got home from work I drew a pun Valentines card featuring Jordan's favourite character. It took a few hours and I was pretty proud of how it came out. I knew they were at the concert still, but I texted it to them, so they could see it after.

They responded that night and their first message was just "oh." I've known Jordan long enough that i read the tone to be "oh, now I to have a conversation I didn't want to have." They went on to explain that they associate Valentines day with some past trauma. I won't give any details here, but the tone of the conversation was that they don't celebrate Valentines day because of their trauma, and this seemed like a very final stance.

Now. I don't think I'm TA for drawing the art and sending it, this had never been brought up before, so I didn't know I was crossing a boundary.

I do think Jordan is slightly TA for not saying anything about my art that I worked hard on, but only slightly bc I assume the trauma response just kind of took over.

But my question is, WIBTA if I asked my SO to celebrate Valentines day with me in future even though it's something they have trauma around?

I'm not planning to force them or anything and it doesn't even have to be in the next few years, but thinking long term it feels really gloomy to me to have to miss out on Valentines forever when my SO could be making new memories with me so that mentions of the holiday are less painful.

I don't expect them to just "get over" it magically or anything but I want to ask if it's something they'd possibly want to work up to? I swear I'm not trying to be dismissive their response is fully valid and I don't want to imply my silly fantasies are more important than their traumatic reality I just want to know if this would be an asshole move or not.

What are these acronyms?

[sturnzyolo]

Shadows

Matt sturniolo x fem reader

warnings: fluff, swearing, a little eerie scenery, crying, stress, nerdy matt, comfort, anxiety, and slight obsession (anything else will be added in later parts)

slight summary/teaser: reader feels a significant connection to a particular classmate of hers, her teachers favorite student. one day, when on her way home, she hears something.

⚠️ my first ever fic so don't hate if it's absolute shit although I take honors english + I will NOT be writing any smut, (sorry u horndoggaroonies) bc I believe my digital footprint is terrible as is, so. let's not add onto it!

BACKSTORY

----------------------------------------------------------

Y/N POV

Usually, school was like a repeated cycle for me. Every day, the periods were just like a rotation. I didn't find many events that made the week very different from the last, or the next.

Each morning, I had the same first period for the last whole 2 semesters of my senior year. It was Mr. Robinson's calculus class, trust me, I'd rather have taken any other class than this, but since I was lazy and had requested my courses much later than most. I was stuck in this class, and usually I would be a lot more 'nonchalant' with the classes I took, so long as I could keep up, but this was different. I expected senior year to be a breeze, but of course, it wasn't like the movies.

I've had anxiety since I was about 11 years old. I grew to acknowledge the root of each attack quite easily. since math was one of my worst subjects, I stressed to overachieve, which led to more and more anxiety.

this didn't help that Mr. Robinson was a complete asshole to almost everyone. Except one, his name was Matthew Sturniolo, I only really knew him beforehand since he's a triplet, which is uncommon, of course. He seemed shy, but honestly, I found myself growing annoyed by the fact that Mr. Robinson favored Matthew so heavily.

Matt was barely even in class. He never really came to school in the mornings, I picked up on that early on. I never understood why Mr. Robinson was so hard on everyone else except for Matt, I never understood what he had that was so special about him. He barely answered. He didn't talk to anyone but his brother's, and he was never really there.

Honestly, I spent those class hours wondering what Matt had that nobody else did. It made me more and more intrigued with Matt, I was so interested in why he was so important to my teacher.

On the other hand, I guess I blended in with everyone, I was quite normal because I'd rather fit in than stand out. Matt didn't even stand out either. He seemed to be more in the shadows, but to my teacher, Matt was like a spotlight. Now, I wasn't jealous, ew, I mean I hated Mr. Robinson, he irritated me like no other with his constant nagging, but his favorite student, Matthew Sturniolo, he was the only thing catching my attention in class.

I never really cared for what was going on, I focused on Matt, his mannerisms mainly, somedays the only thing getting me up in the morning was to figure out if Matt were to even show up. Now, I wouldn't say I was obsessed, but more so infatuated.

[malii-the-bonehead]

The Other Woman pt3

god this is cringe tbh idk why im posting this bc I KNOW they lurking and seeing this shit

anyways

Slow burn

Summary: Chris, a popular hockey player at school where Y/n went, found himself falling for the beautiful, shy girl. As time went on he found out who Y/n truly was as a person and ultimately, he had to make the choice, his girlfriend, or the other woman.

Part 3

Hey it’s Chris. I stared at the message on my phone. I had work in 20 minutes. I finished getting ready quickly. Now, I was cleaning the house. I heard my phone go off, forgetting that I gave Chris my number this morning. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting him to actually text me. I continued scrubbing the dishes before responding to his message.

Hello, Christopher. I responded quickly, walking to the living room to clean up the clothes and trash all over the floor. The trash and clothes my mother left there. Empty bottles of liquor scattered before the couch. I bent down, grabbing multiple and tossing them into the garbage, going back to grab more. Buzz buzz.

I took my phone out of my pocket and checked it, once again. 

Just call me Chris. When you call me by my full name you sound like my mother. I giggled to myself. 

Okay, Chris. Sorry about that. He was quick to reply. Damn, is he sitting waiting for this message?

It’s fine. What you up to? I sighed, placing my phone on the side table next to the couch. I sat down, looking at the dirty floor. I should mop. Is that puke? I shook my head with a grossed out expression. Nasty. 

I grabbed the mop from the kitchen closet, filling the bucket with hot water and floor cleaner. I didn’t have much time before I had to leave for work. Buzz. 

I looked back to my phone on the table, picking it up and looking at the message that was sent. The second message, actually. You free tonight? I have a test in calc tomorrow. Was wondering if you could meet me somewhere and help out? I shook my head. I had work until late tonight.

I sent a text back, Sorry, I’m cleaning the house. And I don’t get off work until late tonight. If you’re okay with calling when I get off I can help then. I tried to place my phone down, but it buzzed in my hand.

Where do you work? And yeah that sounds fine. What time you get off? I sent a quick message, avoiding the first question he asked. He didn’t need to know where I worked. Technically no one should know. It was no one's business but mine, but it’s actually illegal to work at a bar until I’m 21. The manager knew my dad personally so I got a quick job there. Now they pay well. As long as I don’t talk about my age or where I work then I should be fine, hopefully. 12. 

My phone buzzed again, but I put it in my back pocket, needing to finish mopping the house. I had to leave in 5 minutes.

–

I sat in my car, in front of the building I worked at. I grabbed my phone. I completely forgot about Chris’s message from earlier. I checked it, getting out of my car walking towards the entrance.

Damn that’s late. What job has those kind of hours? I typed a quick message. A job that pays for food and bills. He was really trying to get it out of me.  He sent another message asking where but I ignored it. He sent another message after a few minutes, understanding that I wasn't going to tell him.

Oh. Well if you aren’t too tired when you get off then I’ll appreciate the help. I opened the front door, heading to the back to pick my things up in my assigned locker. I’ll let you know. 

I put my phone in my back pocket and went to the bar area. We’re normally not super busy until 6, so I had about 2 hours to get things ready. 

–

I was sitting behind the building, on break, hitting the rolled joint in my hand. I smoked every now and then. Not too much and not too little, just enough to relieve some stress. I pulled out my phone, checking the message from Chris. I knew he had sent one. Honestly, he messaged so fast you’d think he was obsessed with me. But that’s crazy, right?

Don’t take this as a creepy message or anything but you got a picture I can have for your profile? You there? Oh shit you’re at work. Let me know when you get off. 4 messages after another? Damn.

It’s been 5 hours since his last message. I’m on break now. If I send a picture you have to send me one as well. Right now, it’s a random dog off of pinterest lmfao. 

It took him about 2 minutes to respond. I put the joint out, shoving the rest of it in my jacket pocket. Lol why a dog? And yeah I’ll send one but you first. 

I opened my camera roll, picking the picture I liked the most. I pressed send, waiting for his response.

(something like this but it’s you, obviously)

I sent after the photo, because you remind me of a golden retriever. 

He responded quickly. Really? Also that’s a pretty picture. You look nice. My stomach started to twist, butterflies floating around. I can hear my heartbeat. He thinks I look nice.

Thank you, Chris. I smiled a little. Now it’s your turn. I glanced around the back of the parking lot behind the building. The music seemed more quiet as I breathed in the cold air, enjoying the moment. Not many people compliment me. Well, not many people like Chris. It felt.. Good.

Your welcome Y/n. Let me find a picture. Give me a sec. 

I shut off my phone, leaning my head against the wall behind me. Buzz buzz.

Notification: New message from Chris popped up on my lock screen. I looked at it for a while, scared to open it.

My breath hitched as I stared down at my phone, my mouth slightly open from shock. My cheeks went slightly pink. Damn, he’s really pretty. I saved the photo, changing his profile picture from the dog to the one he sent. 

Damn, you think I look nice? Look at you. I erased the message. What should I say? It’s not a big deal, Y/n. Just send something simple.

You have nice eyes. Simple and true. He really did have nice eyes. He had nice everything. Nice hair, nice eyes, nice lips. 

“He has a girlfriend, Y/n,” I mumbled to myself quietly. “Besides, he would never go for someone like you.” 

You think so?  I liked his message before sending, yes, I do. 

Thank you Y/n. That means a lot. 

You’re welcome, Chris. I checked the time. I had a few minutes of my break left.  I should get going. My break ends in 2 minutes. Text me at 12 when I get off so I can help with your calculus. 

You got it ma’am. Have fun at work. I shut off my phone, standing from my crouching position against the wall. I needed to stretch my legs. They hurt from sitting in that position for so long. I walked back through the back door, heading back to the bar getting to work. 

[borderlinebox]

Sup! hope you’re having a great day 😮💗 having childhood best friend brainrot- “you have my back right?” x “lmao probably” cheesy but I eat that shit up every time

could you write a oneshot or headcannon

for chishiya? He’s gotten/done something that’s worth celebrating (maybe it’s his birthday, got first place or a hundred on his test, got into the college that he applied to) he’s never been told by someone that they’re proud of him not even from his old man so he went on with his day expecting nothing special

But but BUT chishiya hears the familiar patterned knocks on his window, how they managed to get up there without his father knowing is beyond him but he’s relieved considering his old man isn’t all that fond with them (In this scenario id imagine that chishiya’s father wouldn’t really like us bc of our shortcomings? something like that...and if he isn’t friends with our parents)

they sneak (more like drag) him out with a lot of convincing and celebrate by going into places he would tolerate or enjoy,,rip his friend’s allowance 💸 At the end of the night they both end up on a park bench with store bought cake with messy written icing “I’m so pr he I did it bitch!!” done by yours truly. they do say it to him and give him a short side hug before he gets back home tho

Feel free to decline this! take care ⭐️

Celebrate With Me!

Summary: Reader acknowledges Chishiya's accomplishments.

Pairing: Chishiya x Reader

Warning: That good cliche shit, FLUFF, cuteness overload, not proofread!!!, changed a few things up!

A/N: ISTG I'm boutta make a Chishiya X Bestfriend! Reader bundle because these requests are too cute!! Hope you have a great day as well and take care too ^^ <3 I am incredibly happy and proud on how this turned out!!! Spent a literal 2 hours straight on it because I lost some progress and I'm gonna have my ass whooped later but this should cover the blow LOVE YALL AND THIS REQQQ ♥

Feedback is highly appreciated!!!

Chishiya sat upon his desk chair, currently finishing up some notes. Just things he's learnt or felt like he found interesting. He could use it in the future. Distant music playing from his favorite band echoed softly in his room.

There wasn't much to do. He'd recently gotten a letter from a university he had applied to - which he was successfully accepted in. He could say he was happy for himself but it just wasn't that exciting or celebration-worthy to him.

He continuously tapped the tip of the pen against the table in a rhythm, re-reading the paragraphs of various words.

SMACK

The sudden noise caught Chishiya's attention as he quickly twisted his head towards the loud noise. There, on his window, a handprint was seen as it was slowly sliding down the window, failing to stick.

Its fingers soon danced on the window, creating multiple and small taps across the glass pane without a proper flow of beat.

Chishiya sighed and stood up and opened the window to reveal his friend struggling to hold onto his window's support,

"Y/N, What are you doing here?" He wasn't at all surprised. He was just more so concerned why you were currently hanging by a thread on his window.

"I'll tell you when I get inside. Right now let's focus on the part where you shoULD BRING ME INSIDE." You flailed your legs around as you struggled to even breathe properly.

He hissed at you to stay quiet and helped you up to sneak inside.

There was a voice, somewhere in his mind where he actually wanted to leave you hanging for a while to amuse himself but that would have been a bad idea.

Once you had both your feet on the floor of his bedroom, you dusted yourself off and took a much needed breather. You had been running to his house since 45 minutes ago. It was hard with the troublesome traffic and people yelling at you as you swerved your way through them, you're just glad you've finally reached his humble abode.

"Right, Explain." He said bluntly, doing his signature move; placing his hands into his pockets. "How did you even get up here?"

You shaked your hand profusely, deflecting the topic. "Never mind that-, guess who found out when your birthday iiiisss?" You looked up at him with a tired yet mischievous grin.

"I'm guessing you."

"Me," You announced proudly while facing your thumb towards yourself, chest up in victory. "And you wanna know what I'm gonna do about it?"

"Please don't." Chishiya sighed, point-blankly. Unfortunately, there was no hope of changing the situation's circumstances because he knew when you were hooked on something, it's sure that you'll be hell-bent on getting it, no matter how stupidly dangerous or ridiculous it may seem.

You laughed before dropping down to the carpeted floor of his room and picking up your sling bag. "Now, as I was saying," Your finger dramatically pointed towards the bag. "We gotta celebrate! So we're going out and hang!"

"I really rather not." He stood his ground, stubbornly declining your offer.

"Come on, you're gonna celebrate your birthday with me!" You teased with the same playful grin you gave him. He was always so stubborn when it came to things he accomplished or failed - whether you wanna celebrate it or cheer him up. Either way, you were going to be even more stubborn than him this time.

"No." He muttered out sternly.

"Yes," You pushed with determination. "We are."

"No."

"Yes."

"No"

"Yes"

"No-"

"Why not??" You broke the repetitive, single-worded debate and gave him a sad look. "You never celebrate anything. Don't you want me to show you how happy and proud I am for you, Chishiya?"

Chishiya seemed to be broken from his train of thought at his words. He was silent, but you could tell that he was processing your words and calculating a response as if he was some kind of robot. You'd have to be honest, he kind of is one sometimes-

"Fine, I'll go and celebrate my birthday." Was all he said, his condescending look seeming to have disappeared - replaced with an unreadable expression.

It didn't feel like an answer at all - you felt disappointed. But you decided to push away those feelings for later because you were still ecstatic about your achievement and that's what mattered.

"W-Wonderful! You go get prepared or something!" You told him in a panic frenzy and opened the window from where you cam from. "I'll wait for you to climb out the window!"

And before waiting for his response, the last thing Chishiya saw of you was you already dipping out of the window and landed on the lush grass, in pain - as he presumed. He quickly changed and made his way down the stairs, being granted the permission to leave.

Chishiya would probably be lying if he said he wasn't at least a little bit concerned for your well being when you jumped out of that window.

To his surprise, when he went outside, he saw you standing proudly with a little dirt in your hair and face.

"You goof??" He asked, eyeing you up and down.

"Perfect, Great! I didn't get hurt, totally didn't - I think I sprained my wrist but that's totally fixed now." You spoke quickly, not even giving him a chance to say another word since you had grabbed him by his wrist. "Now come on! We don't have all day."

-

"Was this necessary?" Chishiya mutters blankly as he takes in the view of the park. It was a rather quiet, and less populated park wherever you and Chishiya both lived. Not many people visited everyday but there were still some who came often. Parks that were more widely known had a bigger crowd and you know Chishiya enough to know that he doesn't like big crowds. Especially the noise that comes with it.

"It was either this or the carnival next place." You turned to him and raised your brow.

"I think I prefer the park." He shrugged. It wasn't a bad place at all - Fairly clean and a decent view. You would sometimes come here alone and think, maybe even attempt to bring Chishiya over. But he was either busy or too stubborn to go. Thankfully, you managed to corner him.

Even though Chishiya let you take him here this time.

Both of you took your time there, having deep talks which mostly started off with why he hadn't really celebrated many past birthdays, which made you frown a lot. Chishiya thought it was half a mistake to give you that information after you had told him that you were gonna celebrate his birthday for him every year instead.

He may be lying if he didn't appreciate it.

The rest of the time, both of you walked and talked on the more philosophical topics. Just the precious quality time between two great lov friends, walking underneath the cloudy weather with strands of sunlight pushing through and landing on the cobblestone pavements.

It didn't seem much as a birthday celebration to the regular human etiquette but you could care less because both of you were having. swell time. Even if neither of you said it. It was a bonding time that didn't need the use of an explanation and more of a feeling.

Your eye was caught by a flock of ducks roaming around a side of a pond next to a woman selling duck food or pieces of bread. Chishiya must've noticed this since you had fully stopped walking and stood in place, staring at them.

"You wanna feed the ducks?" His voice brought you out of your mini daydream, he had his natural high charm evident in his face and voice.

"I, well, if you want to. It's your birthday, not mine.." You mumbled out, it was a bit low for anyone to actually process your words, seeing that you would be a little upset that you didn't feed those ducks.

"Okay then," He lightly smiles and walks his way past you with a bored yet slightly amused expression. "Let's go feed those ducks."

Like a little kid who had been given permission to sleep over at his friend's house, you giddily smiled and practically swooshed right on past him and over to the woman selling the small bits of food.

You quickly bought two small bags and handed one over to Chishiya. He took the bag filled with small, multiple pieces of duckfeed into his hands and looked back up at you. "If I'm gonna feed the ducks, you've gotta feed them too." You told him with a bright smile before kneeling down to the ducks.

Chishiya opened the bag and shook around its contents before taking out a handful and throwing it onto the ground the ducks stood upon with a blank face.

However, you had a cute and dorky smile on your face while you handfed them all equally. Some of them bit you by accident but it was no more painful than a light pinch. Your smile was bright enough to light up a whole room, Chishiya thought as he held back the urge to smile at your antics.

A chuckle from the old vendor caught both of your attention. When she noticed she sighed softly, "Sorry,"

You smiled, "No worries! It's absolutely fine! Why were you chuckling anyway?" Hand finding its way to the bag full of duck feed to gather some more and hand over the pieces to the ducks.

She grinned at the both of you. "Both of you are so cute, are you a couple?"

The question caught both of you off guard. You could quite literally feel the tension rise in the atmosphere. You felt your breath hitch and your lungs close as it denied you to breath from the sudden question.

"No! No, heh, we're just friends." You shot up with an awkward smile at the lady who had understood the tension between her and you both. You look back up at Chishiya with a nervous look on your face. "Isn't that right, Chi?"

He appeared to have froze due to your question. Or was he just standing still and silent because he had zoned out? Was he deeply immersed in his thoughts?

"No, we're friends." Chishiya confirmed. You expected that answer but you couldn't help but feel the pang in your heart when he actually said it.

The vendor nodded and apologized once again for asking such a question. She went back to her small stand to mind her own business instead.

Now you and Chishiya kept on feeding the ducks until both your bags were completely empty, all in awkward silence. Not one of you tried to break the ice since it appeared that no one had anything to say after that question.

You turned to thank the lady before leaving with Chishiya without a word.

Upon arriving back at the park's entrance Chishiya decided to finally break the silence. "Well? Where are you dragging me off to next?" He asked, raising a brow at you. You had almost completely forgotten the reason why you had went out in the first place.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot." Slipping your hand into your slingbag, you pulled out a small crumpled paper and unfolded it.Chishiya tried to lean in and read but you pulled the paper closer to you. "Hey! Don't peek on the surprise." You pouted, forgetting all about the question for a moment.

He put his hand up defensively but it was no more than a sarcastic tease. "No peeking." He repeats before shoving his hands into his pockets once again. Chishiya was almost never seen with his hands outside his pockets outside of his home. It was almoat natural and expected.

Once you were sure he wouldn't peek again, you opened up the piece of paper before folding it once more.

"I got an idea."

"You looked at the paper which most likely had the idea.

"I have an idea." You repeated, dismissing his smart assness. "Follow me!" And once again, you boldly took a hold of his wrist and started to dash to whatever place you were dragging him to next.

-

The warm light of the welcome sign greeted the both of you as you stood outside a relatively new, and decently small café. And sketchy enough, the stores it was between in was a shady dentist's office and a run-down, forever closed drug store.

"This is the new coffee shop that opened last week." Chishiya noticed, looking up at the hangout's name to remember it. "It certainly has a sketchy location."

"That's cause this was the only place the owner could afford. In fact, they're actually quite creeped out by the stores beside it. I feel bad." You explained briefly, glancing at the side shops. "But that's not what we're here for, dear friend."

You pushed him inside the cafe and it was definitely much better on the inside than the out. It had relatively creamy walls and warm lights. You were surprised that the place wasn't filled with people. Tempting enough to keep this place as a secret, all to yourself.

"Sit the hell down." You brought Chishiya to a corner seat - which is, in a natural rule, one of the best seats a restaurant or any place could ask for - and sitting in front of him.

"It isn't a bad place, I'll give it that." Your bleach haired friend admitted, his eyes still roaming around. "What gave you the idea?"

A giggle escaped your lips, "I wanted to try it out. I actually visited the place a few days ago. It was completely different than now. They changed it a lot." You shrugged, "And I thought of you when I stepped in here. I thought you'd like the place."

Chishiya smiled lightly, which was again; rare. "It's good."

"Better than-"

"I haven't decided yet." He cut you off before you could finish which resulted in you giving him a cheeky smirk.

He couldn't help but feel good about himself when you admitted that you thought of him when you found this place. It felt truly honorable than his straight A's and cards with that big ol' red 'Accepted' on it. It was something near to a foreign feeling.

"About what that vendor said-" You were immediately cut off by a waiter coming up, asking for your orders. You coughed into your arm at the sudden surprise and ordered your preferred drink.

Chishiya glanced at you and the waiter, what was with the question? He quickly ordered his own drink as you thanked the waiter before they left.

Another set of an awkward silence filled between the both of you. He was curious about your earlier question but didn't want to push you, you looked embarassed enough after choking on your own spit.

"Don't think about it. She just made a mistake, it's fine." Chishiya wanted to say something else but decided to take matters into his own hands instead. "It's not that uncommon. Sometimes expected."

You nodded at his words. "Right.. I forgot, they have board games here! You wanna play?" You beamed up, changing the subject. He glanced his eyes to the side, finding the board games that you were talking about.

All of them were stacked on a small bookshelf that had a good amount of books on it as well.

"Sure, we'll play." He shrugged without a care. "Why don't you choose the game, Y/N?"

You hummed out a yes and took your time; reading all the board game labels. There were many of them but you wanted to try out something bold, something Chishiya would actuallu want to play with you. "Ah! Chess."

Why Chess? You finally processed your declaration.

"Oh, Chess?" Chishiya looked back at you. What a bold declaration of war. "Sure, why not."

You felt yourself gulp and begin to pray for your mistakes and for your well being, choosing a game like this against a guy like Chishiya. You've already made a decision and stood up and made your walk of shame towards the small chess board.

Bringing the board to your table, you gathered yourself the confidence and smacked the board down.

"Bring it on, Shuntaro." A smirk appeared on your face, a bold glimmer in your eyes.

-

"I think I'm gonna be sick." You burp out, watching your side of the chess board with bored and tired eyes. You've already accepted your death wish an hour ago.

Now you were here with two empty cups, 3 hours that passed by and found yourself with only a King and a Pawn against Chishiya's fucking army. You've paid for your drinks an hour ago and you were still here, suffering.

"You chose the game." He defended. He looked unchanged - just the same guy three hours ago. Meanwhile you sat in front of him, a hand in your hair and tired eyes.

You weren't sleepy, you were just tired of watching your entire empire fall.

"You're enjoying this, I know it. Behind those blank eyes of yours? You're enjoying this." An almost pathetically dramatic voice of sulking came from you as you connected your forehead onto the table.

You could feel him shrug in front of you.

"But alas!" You rose dramatically, "That was my plan all along!" You moved your king to the line of sight of his queen, making yourself lose. "I forfeit. Besides, we're gonna miss the best part of today!"

Chishiya watched as you obliterated yourself and throwing the chess pieces off the board and clean up. "Fun game." He responded to your actions.

"It was not at all fair." You pushed and closed the board up when you finished counting off the chess pieces and went off to put it back in respect. "You're far smarter than me and you know it."

"You chose th-"

"Yeah, Yeah. 'I chose the game' and whatnot, I get it." You echoed him in an immature tone of voice, but you'd never deny his intelligence. He technically carried you through physics and math.

He stood up and walked out beside you, hearing the same waiter who served you both give their thanks.

"The last stop shouldn't be too far from here." You were looking at that old crumpled piece of paper you had a while ago.

After just a few minutes, maybe 10, of walking, you found both yourselves in front of a popular convenience store joint that you and Chishiya always went to for a quick lunch or snack break when you were both in highschool.

You lead him to a black bench right across the small store and placed your things down, taking your wallet out your bag.

"Stay here." You smiled before running into the building.

Chishiya stared at the all too familiar black bench. No, he didn't sit, the black bench gave him an overflow of memories when you both hung out here. You and Chishiya would buy anything you both wanted and were able to buy from the store and sit out here, exchanging notes and occasionally jokes. He smiled at the thought.

"I told you to sit!" You pointed at him accusingly as you held a brown paper bag in your other arm. The sounds of the bells on the doors clinged together when you exited the building.

"I was." Chishiya turned his way to you.

"After almost 10 minutes of me being in there? Come on." You chuckled and decided to sit down on the black bench yourself. He followed right after you. "Check out what I got!"

You ruffled your hand into the paper bag with joy, tongue sticking out and biting softly on the muscle. "Boom!" You cheered when you took it out.

It was a small almost medium, cute pink cake - which was his favorite whipped strawberry flavor - with Chishiya's favorite cookies decorated on the outer curve.

You handed it to chishiya with the same dorky smile you had when you were feeding the ducks at the park. He observed the writing on the cake with narrow eyes.

'Hapi'

'You de'

'Congratatulations!!!'

Despite the spelling error, and the very messy writing, you still smiled like an idiot and Chishiya couldn't help but appreciate the fucked up cake. He actually showed you his smile that time.

Can you believe it? Making Chishiya smile 3 maybe even 4 times today?

It made yourself smile even wider that you had to put your chin on your hands.

"You spelled 'Congra-"

"I'm aware of my mistake Chishiya but there's clearly no more room for anymore mistakes on that cake." You pointed at the cake which really did have no more room for anymore icing.

He exhaled with a smile, his way of laughing or chuckling at you genuinely at best, before opening the plastic lid.

"Oh and, if you want anymore of your bland ass cookies, there's more in the bag. Can't understand why you like that crap." You jokingly gave him a cringed look and stuck your tongue out in disgusted exaggeration. But, you got it for him.

"Fork?" Chishiya asked, looking back up at you.

"Oh shit, yeah I forgot." You opened up your sling and pulled out two plastic forks. "I figured that there wasn't going to be any free forks in the store so I decided to bring some."

Handing him one, you were more than ready to eat the cake with him.

As both of you dipped in for the first bite, you both heard the sounds of popping in the sky which caught Chishiya off his guard.

Fireworks were in the sky. All different colors, blending in so well in the night sky.

"Would you look at that." You said in awe through the cake in your mouth. "I wonder who put that there."

"You did something, didn't you?" Chishiya looked at you, unamused but still appreciative. You could tell it through the way how soft his eyes looked. It was much softer and quite happier than usual, and you were proud.

"I may have asked some friends." You shrugged, meeting his gaze.

Both of you had not only the warm light emitting from the convenience store, but the different colors of the fireworks that temporarily glowed on both of your faces.

You thought he looked so pretty in all of the colored sparks of light. You could get used to his eyes if it were like this.

"I'm really happy and proud of you, Chish." You said all full of truth, hitting his shoulder playfully. "You need to hear it sometimes, no?"

"I guess." Chishiya answered with a shrug again, lifting another fork full of cake near his mouth. "Thanks, I think."

You chuckled, finally hearing those words come out of his mouth felt so satisfying to you. You were even sure he never really said it all to anyone. The sparks in the sky continued to flash in the sky all so beautifully. "Don't mention it."

Maybe he could get used to this, having someone like you. It made him feel all warm and proud for once.

[thuviel]

I'm 1 week post op!

I had top surgery last week aaaaaaaaah!!!! FINALLY! It took so many years, so many delays, so many disasters that it felt like it would never happen. But I fucking made it! I got double incision mastectomy with nipple grafts. Gonna document the recovery a bit too if it's helpful to anyone c: So this is how the first week went:

Day 1

The most pain I had was immediately upon waking up, but after a while the nurses gave me more morphine and it was chill. I'd still rate the pain around like badly twisted ankle level pain, not too bad

Extremely sleepy, couldn't keep my eyes open for more than a few moments and slept pretty much the whole day

Got discharged from the clinic 3 ish hours after surgery

I didn't have drains, just a tight compression wrap around my chest

Day 2

Pain level was still very chill as long as I took my painkillers regularly

Biggest challenge was doing stuff without using my chest muscles or extending my arms much, going to the bathroom was the most difficult

Used both morphine and paracetamol this day

Eating and drinking was fine, just smaller portions at a time

Day 3-7

By far the worst days of recovery so far

Back and neck pain from weird sleeping positions was becoming more annoying and bothersome than the actual surgery wounds

I had some bleeding on day 3, the left nipple bled through the bandages and all the way to the compression wrap. I contacted the clinic but it wasn't a concerning amount of blood and it stopped on its own pretty quickly

I stopped with the morphine and just took paracetamol, which I decreased over the days as the pain levels went down

By the end of the week I started to get a tiny bit more movement in my upper body, still not extending my arms but things didn't feel as tight immediately when moving and doing stuff with my arms

Turns out I was allergic to the antibiotics they gave me, so I dealt with some horrible symptoms these days. It's not usually part of recovery but good to look out for in case it happens to anyone else too. I got very sleep deprived, could't sleep more than 1-2 hours at a time. I would wake up feeling extremely warm (but no fever), really nauseous, weak, heart beating fast and hard, terrible headache, sometimes feeling like I couldn't breathe properly. I only slept 3-4 hours per day. Also had some diarrhea and acid reflux. I was very weak and shaky, getting weaker and more dizzy as the days went on instead of getting better. Luckily I could stop taking them on day 7, which is when I learned I was allergic to them lol

Day 7

I had my one week appointment where they took off the innermost bandages and removed the sticthes keeping the gauze stuck to my nipples. Nurse said things were healing well, some swelling but not too much. My left nipple had gotten a bit less bloodflow and looked much darker, like a burned pepperoni. Nurse said it's not unusual and it still looks okay, it should regain bloodflow and improve on its own in the coming days

Got to take a full shower for the first time after this. It was terrifying af to have water and soap run over my very fragile looking newborn nipples lol, but it felt so fucking good to be clean

I could also take off the compression wrap and clean it which was a blessing bc that thing was disgusting by this time. I have to keep wearing it 24/7 for the first month but can take it off briefly to clean it

Despite the terrible antibiotics reaction, the recovery has been less difficult than I thought tbh. I expected worse. By far the most challenging thing for me personally is having to ask for help with every tiny little thing ^^' But already seeing such a flat look with my shirt on in the mirror is amazing!

[fantasy-on-parchment]

Make It Up to You (Pt. 2)

Evangeline x Jacks

FAIR WARNING this fic was started before the release of ballad, so it does not line up with the plot!! But also, no spoilers that I know of...

Warning: angst, smut, happy ending duh

Summary: After the miscommunication at her childhood home, Evangeline does her best to steer clear of Jacks. However, the fate has much different ideas in mind.

unedited bc id rather write more than go back an edit, sue me <3

Love ya's!!

She would not cry again. She would not cry again. She...

Evangeline repeated the mantra in her head over and over as she finally approached her room. Sliding open the wooden door, she quickly slammed it shut behind her and pushed to lock. She wouldn't allow herself to be alone for long, fates knew Wolf Hall would need her attention as soon as possible. Which, for once, was most likely a good thing. If she sat alone in her room for too long, she'd begin thinking too hard about everything that was said.

"--he probably didn't love you in the first place!"

With a groan, Evangeline twisted to pull the cape off her back. She threw all thoughts of the prince of hearts out the window. She didn't need to think about him. Him and his blue eyes, his crooked smirk, his veined hands... they wouldn't get her anywhere.

She threw the cape into her wardrobe and the satchel on the bed before proceeding into the ensuite bathroom to wash the tear tracks on her cheeks and apply enough blush that the splotchy color of her face would look purposeful.

Princesses weren't supposed to cry. Not over their exes, and certainly not over unattainable god-like creatures such as Jacks. So, she finished in the bathroom, changed into a silky, golden evening gown that stopped just above the floor, and exited her chambers.

He hadn't followed her, which was honestly surprising. She expected him to have more to say, to mock her tears maybe. But when she got to the castle stairs after the return, she turned to see he had not yet followed her. And he wasn't waiting at her door now either.

Good. She forced herself to think, good.

"Princess Evangeline!"

"Your highness!"

"Mi'lady!"

Suddenly she was swarmed by nobles, postmen, and even servants. In the middle of the decent sized crowd, she couldn't make out the faces pushing to get towards her. Different letters and offers were pushed into her hands as she was also pushed around the circle. She huffed at the annoyance of it all, she had only been gone a little over 6 hours and this is what she returned to?

"Excuse me?!"

She pushed her way out of the swarm of voices and brushed herself off when they all turned to her with alarmed expressions.

She went to speak again when a different voice entered the mix.

"Now that is no way to greet our future queen, is it?" The drawl came from beside her, and she turned to see blue eyes and that insufferable smirk.

As if she thought she could catch a break today.

The corridor was quiet for a moment as the crowd looked between each other and them, and then, as if nothing had happened, they charged forward once again with their questions and letters.

Evangeline felt Jacks shift to grab her, and as her breath caught in her throat, she did the only thing she thought to do at the moment.

She dived straight into the bustling crowd. Ducking down, she gathered her skirt to herself and moved quickly around the bodies who still moved in the opposite direction as if not noticing her escape attempt.

"Little Fox!" The bustling of the crowd did nothing to drown out his heavy footsteps, they were all she heard as she bolted down the corridor.

Should've stayed in her rooms, no one had to know she was back in the castle yet. But it was almost dinner, and the nobles were used to her dining with them. In the Prince's absence, going over events and decision-making this way comforted the civilians.

"Little Fox, stop this instant!"

She took a sharp turn, and pulled herself into an alcove where he wouldn't find her. The alcoves of the castle were covered by curtains, and she pulled that across the opening and waited for his footsteps to pass.

She took deep breaths and waited a minute, soothing out her bodice and fluffing her skirts. She couldn't hear him anymore, and pray tell he couldn't make out her labored breaths.

She stepped out of the alcove, quickly going back in the direction she came.

Or she would, if it weren't for a hand pulling her back.

tsk, tsk, Little Fox

Once she processed being back behind the curtain, she quickly wrenched her arm out of grasp and turned towards Jacks.

"How did you see me?" She demanded.

His smirk was all wolf, and she hated it. Damn it, she hated every bit of it.

"You're easy to find, when you want to be."

"But I do not want to be! So kindly leave!" She gave all the authority she could to her voice, but the look on his face didn't even falter.

But then he was pushing her against the dark wall of the alcove, absolutely out of to any passerbyers. He leaned down to her ear to whisper, "Oh I beg to differ, love."

"You don't know anything." She countered, but it was meek while she was pressed to his chest, surrounded by the scent of apples and pine.

He hummed against her throat, his breath traveling down her neck and ghosting over her breasts. It took everything in her not to gasp.

"Well, I think I know one thing..."

"And what is that?"

"I owe you an apology."

Oh.

Oh...

Evangeline certainly hadn't expected that. If anything, she expected him to snark at her again. But not want to... apologize?

"Jacks...?" She softly laid her hands on his shoulders and pushed back until he met her eyes. They still held the heat that she imagined hers did, but behind it was something melancholy, almost regretful.

He seemed to breathe deeply before saying, "I am sorry, Evangeline."

"Oh..."

"I do not always think about how my tone might be taken, as I'm sure you know. And... as we've established in the past, I am a jealous fate, a possessive fate at times... and when I saw you upset over him I just-" He cut himself off.

The alcove was quiet as she watched him, not wanting to interrupt what was obviously a difficult situation for him.

"-I meant what I said, Eva-"

"I-" She started.

"No. Don't get angry with me yet." He stepped closer again, allowing their chests to press flush together and her back to press against the wall. "While I'm sure Luc loved you in the way he knew how, he did not know how to love you in the way you deserve. And you do deserve love, Little Fox."

Evangeline knew she was naive at times, but she simply couldn't help the way her heart swelled at his validation.

But she squared her shoulders anyways, "That does not permit the way you spoke to me."

"I know, I do. I am sorry for not seeing past my own desires."

Her brow furrowed as she looked up to him, her nose close enough to brush his. "Your... desires?"

His smirk returned at that; she had obviously zeroed in on the part of his sentence that he hoped she would. His hands lifted to her waist, pushing her back further to the wall as he leaned back and roved his eyes over her. This apology was getting more and more confusing.

His eyes returned to hers, the heat back in place as he studied her. She felt herself blush, red covering her cheeks down to the tops of her breasts. He leaned back down to her ear.

"Do you want me to leave, Little Fox?"

She tried to inhale, but the air was thick, and her lungs simply would not take much air. "I... I need to go to dinner."

He laughed lowly, "That's not what I asked, so answer my question please?" He leaned closer, his lips down her neck to her collarbone.

She held back a gasp, trying to compose herself before her mouth spoke for her: "No."

"No?"

"Please, no."

Another chuckle, "Good... because just because I apologize, Little Fox, doesn't mean I'm done with you."

He leaned back, stepping away until her entire being craved his touch. He looked over her.

"Where did he touch you?"

"What?" She was breathless already, oh my it was embarrassing.

His smile was viscous because he knew, "Tell me, Evangeline Fox, where did your little vampire boy touch you?"

She actually almost laughed at his possessiveness, "Jacks--"

But he stepped closer, grabbing her hand. "Here?" He placed his lips against her hand in the whisper of a kiss. It was sweet, almost loving.

But then his lips were under her ear, "Here?" He licked, and nipped slightly as he worked his way across her neck until she moaned out.

He chuckled, "Did he ever find the spot that makes you sing, hmm? Right here?" He bit down again.

She went to say no, but it came out in a whimper as she pushed against him.

He pulled back again, his thumb brushing her lip. "Obviously here... but we know I can't kiss you-"

"Bite me." She jumped, too quick to give him the opportunity.

But he leaned forward, "So eager," he praised before his teeth sank against her bottom lip. He whimpered again, moaning his name as he pulled away.

"So tell me, where else?" He held his hand out, giving her the control to show him.

With a shuddered breath, she took his hand, moving it over her neck again and letting him give a gentle squeeze before she gathered her courage and moved his hand down to the tops of her breasts. She watched his face as she did, watching as his eyes battled between rage and lust. She was grateful for her skirts, for once, for the way he couldn't see her rub her thighs together. She usually hated his anger, but the rage he had at the thought of another man touching her... suddenly her panties felt tight and... wet.

"... Just the top?" He asked through his teeth. She bit her lip, only knowing how to shake her head.

Jacks growled, gripping her waist and turning her roughly so he could shove her against the wall. She almost shrieked before she felt his hands at the small of her back, he was careful to not tear the lace, but he roughly pulled the laces apart until the bodice hung loose at her waist before turning her back around.

Eva pulled at the sleeves as Jacks stepped back and watched the dress fall to the floor of the alcove until she stood in her slip and flats.

"What if we're caught?"

He didn't stop looking at how the slip hugged her curves to say: "I can control what people do, love, don't worry about it." And then he was stepping forward to grip the hem of her slip.

"But-" She didn't have time before the slip was pulled over her head and his hands landed on her chest.

He cursed as he leaned down to nip across the swell of her breasts. Her head fell back against the wall, but she hated not doing anything. So she reached forward and began unbuttoning his shirt. When she began to struggle, she got frustrated and ripped the buttons apart until his was standing shirtless. She moaned again as her hands landed on his hot skin, just has his lips closed over her breast.

Evangeline gasped, "He-he never..."

"Of course, he wasn't creative enough." Jacks grunted.

Before she could say anything else, his hand slid down her stomach to her panties. He wasted no time running his fingers over the fabric, "Here?"

No, she'd never been touched there. She'd heard from fellow girls that certain feelings derive from that area, but she had never been courageous enough to explore.

"No... no one." She whispered.

He smiled against her stomach as he knelt onto his knees. "Good, I'd have to kill anyone who had."

The words alone felt like she might shatter. It was a feeling she didn't understand. His fingers skimmed her skin up to her hips, lightly gripping the sides of her panties as he looked up to her. She'd never get over it, the way he looked on his knees. His hair was disheveled from where she had gripped it as he sucked on her skin. The look in his eyes neared on begging as he asked, "Do you trust me to show you?"

She didn't know, but she couldn't help but nod, "Please, Jacks."

That was all he needed before his grip tightened and her panties her ripped from her skin. She squealed as he dropped them.

"I need those!"

He chuckled, "No, Eva, I promise you do not." But then his eyes moved to between her thighs, and the groan he let out was so tortured that the knot inside her stomach strung tight. "I always knew you'd have a pretty cunt, Little Fox."

With his words, he lifted a finger until it reached her center, running through her folds and picking up something slick.

"And oh, my fates," his forehead landed to rest on her naval, "You're so wet for me, aren't you, pretty girl?"

"Yes..." She breathed out, still unsure.

He looked up at her, but only as his thumb pressed hard against the nerves between her thighs. He watched as her jaw dropped, and her eyes widened with surprise. Oh, my fates indeed. Jacks continued to push that thumb in lazy circles over that spot as her hips shuttered.

She thought she'd felt it all, but that was before his thumb pulled away and was replaced by his ring finger nudging against her opening. It pushed forward with equal sting and equal pleasure. Eva's head fell back before Jacks demanded: "Look at me."

She obeyed, suddenly willing to do anything he asks. "Good girl, good little fox." He praised as he brought that finger in and out, over and over. "I've just got to taste you, you know that?"

"W-what?" wouldn't it taste... awful?

He returned his attention down, smirking despite her question as he used her other hand to push her legs further apart. As he leaned forward, her hand shot out to grip his hair and stop him.

Before she could blink, her hand was pulled away and pinned to the wall as her side. His eyes held heat as he looked up from her, "Do not stop me from pleasuring you, Evangeline. Do not stop me from erasing the very memory of that boy."

She paused, thinking, before relaxing and shifting her legs open wider. As unsure as she was, she also found herself liking the idea of submitting to what he wanted to do to her.

Happy now, Jacks let go of her hand to steady himself as he leaned forward. Before she knew it, he what nudging her center, and suddenly his tongue was in the spot his thumb had been and-- oh.

"Oh, Jacks, please!" Her hands returned to his hair, but only to push him closer. Her hips rolled in a way she'd never felt as his tongue flicked and his teeth grazed while his finger found that spot.

She felt him hum against her, "Such a perfect cunt, princess. You're going to fall apart for me, okay? Fall apart on my face." He practically moaned the words, but they still held all the authority.

And she couldn't take it, one more lick and suddenly she was shattering against him and he was gripping her, his tongue taking everything she had. He didn't stop until the shaking became light tremors, and he went to stand up.

She felt awkward suddenly, "Um, well..."

"Oh we're not done." He scoffed, hands finding his pants as he cornered her again.

"We're... we're not?"

"Not unless you want to be." He shook his head, undoing the buttons of his trousers as she watched. She knew the male anatomy, knew that size and width always differed like height. But she still wasn't prepared for the outline indenting his pants. Still, she reached out simply because she needed to do something.

Grabbing the top of his pants and underwear, she took a deep breath and shoved until they fell below his knees, and he stepped out of them and his boots. There they stood, nothing on. She tried not to look but she couldn't help it. If he'd touched her down there, maybe she could...

She reached out before he knew, her hand wrapping around what she could fit and naturally pumping up and down. It was the first time she'd heard Jacks gasp, and he caught himself with his arms on either side of her head.

"My fates, Little Fox, that feels so good." She smiled at the praise, liking that she was doing something right.

"Can I... also use my tongue?" She was curious.

He let out a breathless moan, "Yes, yes you can. But... not tonight. Tonight, you're mine."

She didn't know what he meant as she dropped her hand just for him to seize both of her wrists in one of his hands. He positioned them above her head and left them there so he could grip her waist. She loved his touch, so demanding, so adamant.

He lifted her against the wall, "Wrap your legs around my waist, princess."

She did as told, and watched as one hand returned to her wrists, and another grabbed his dick. She was entranced as he rubbed the head of it against those nerves once again. And suddenly she was back to square one, writhing and rolling her hips.

"Good... good little fox." He cooed. And then he pushed lower, to that same hole his finger had been.

"No.'' He paused immediately, "How... how will you fit?"

He leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers, not a kiss, but brushed. "I've got you ready, my love, let me take care of you."

He waited for further protest before pushing forward. It stung, but less than she thought it might. More so, she felt full. She felt him stretching her as he groaned against her neck. She watched where they connected, as he only went in a little, before pulling back and pushing in further and further. Her eyes brimmed with tears, but her mouth opened in a moan.

"Please, please, more." She cried.

She felt him tense, before he pulled out and suddenly slammed into the hilt. She screamed, praying no one was near.

"Oh my, Jacks, please."

"You like that?" She asked against her ear, "You're taking all of me so well, Eva, and you like it? You hated me mere hours ago but look at you so obediently obeying me."

"Yes, yes, please." In and out, in and out, she couldn't stop watching. She'd never felt this way before, never felt so safe and so on edge.

"Let go with me, c'mon baby." He pushed harder, faster. Over and over until they both shuttered and fell apart together. She wanted to kiss him, and the way his forehead landed on hers when he let go told her how badly he longed too as well.

"Oh my fates," She breathed as he let her legs fall to the floor. Jacks chuckled before picking up her slip.

"We're doing to get you dressed, then you're coming back to my rooms to clean up, okay?"

She simply nodded, too dazed, too in love.

[hopeofhouse]

i finally finished dos2.... thoughts ft. drawings + choice playthrough phone notes (spoilers obv)

my godwoken was an elf witch named allegory. he ended up as a necromancer/hydrosophist combo. blood damage + healing was a fun mix! odd contrasts <3

his backstory, 2 me, is that he was lost in a marshland as a little kid, and tir-cendelius saw the chance to keep him isolated (seeing off any potential rescuers, magically expanding the marshes every time he tried to trek out and leading him in circles) + raise the perfect tiny loyal godwoken for when The Time was Right. he let him out when he was an elf teen. t-c should have kept him longer because if anything it just made him weirder when he got reintegrated into society a couple decades later. F

what if your god grew you in a petri dish to [major game spoilers, redacted]. but you were a capricious little know it all with a jester's soul. what then

gorry took sebille, fane and ifan with him because i thought he would assemble a team of hot emos if given chance. this paid off + i love them all dearly

i wasn't expecting the origin characters i didn't take with me after act 1 to UP AND DIE. but it actually added a really good set of stakes. responsibility for ur actions. lohse yelled at me for leaving her to her fate and i felt SO bad. sorry miss thing

LOVED the worldbuilding....i was super familiar with 5e before i played bg3 so i sort of knew what was coming most of the time but for divinity i had to LEARN. super fun. 100% recommend

also i thought bg3 went in on the body horror but divinity was Something Else.

^ and then larian said okay that was fun what if we do it again. and made bg3. anyway

i was hideously bad at combat for ages until i listened to all the people on reddit chanting 'put points in warfare' and then it was much much much more doable lol

ngl i actually very much prefer dos2 to bg3. i loved loved loved bg3 but after like 4 playthroughs during various patch stages it was such a relief to play a game that's actually completed and won't eat my laptop for breakfast!!! first two bg3 files i had i couldn't make it to the lower city because the optimization on mac was so diabolical that it wouldn't actually play until after patch 5. dos2 lets me also have photoshop on my computer. and files that aren't bg related. miraculous

but even ignoring technical issues: from a story and world standpoint dos2 felt way more expansive and inventive. campy but also harrowing in a way that bg3 just didn't hit for me. i also genuinely enjoy being given a zillion pieces of almost overwhelming info and then sorting it out so i am biased. may expand on this at a later point and not under a mile long read more. moving on

romanced fane bc i loved his voice acting and i thought the culturally cannibalistic elf/the one guy with no flesh to eat bit was funny. jokes on me i fell in DEEP. u canonically have disappointing sex because hes simply made of bones without nerves and afterwards he takes notes. he calls u dear heart offhandedly in act 1 like it's nothing then goes right back to being aloof. how many more times does he have to tell you? he has business in the blackpits. he spends the whole game having an increasingly worse time. he's a loser. it's all his fault. he got me. he got me good. god damn

my game glitched (?) and even tho he rejected sebille (sorry baby) her and allegory still made out right before the big final choice. no option not to. then he had the expected epilogue with fane. poly ending canon enough for me!

also the music was bonkers good and the audio direction in that one battle in the final act? mwah. and dallis' va knocked it out of the entire park.

last thing here's a gorry i drew when i was still back in act 1. 180 hours ago. titled on my phone as 'praying at every altar so i always come out on top'

anyway if u made it this far: thank u. go get divinity: original sin 2 when it's next on sale. wise wise wise choice of £6.99 <3

[ghoulangerlee]

sorry i forgot to tell you guys about the wildest thing that happened at work this past week (besides the ea who is trying to??? idk??? hunt me for sport i guess??)

but someone dropped off their computer on tuesday for us to look at; they called in and told me that it just would not power on. asked what time we closed and how much we charged and what our turn around time was.

explained all of that and they were wary bc like, they didn't wanna leave it with us for long. which fine. said they'd try to "do stuff" and see if that would fix it.

brought in the computer, reiterated that it just would not turn on. so i took their info and the computer and payment. went over our turn around time again (this is v important) (its 3 to 5 business days btw)

so, after they leave, i open the computer to inspect it (for physical damage bc we have to make notes of that just in case) and uh 1) there's no screws in the bottom case of the laptop (call the cust and they say its bc they forgot to put them back in after opening it up. uh)

next thing i notice is that the computer is on. there are lights on the side lit up and the caps lock light comes on (a sign Windows has booted)

okay weird. so the scope is now, the screen doesn't display but the computer is on.

we plug it up the next day, to an external monitor and uh. it works fine. we remove the RAM to test that just in case (bc my coworker had called the customer to get the password, the customer mentioned that before the computer "died" they were getting memory errors.)

RAM is fine. cool. we do more testing on it. and the...display? doesn't exist??? there's no integrated monitor under the device manager.

at this point we've done about an hour and a half troubleshooting on it to try and figure out how we went from will not power on to doesn't display.

call the customer back and they are not. happy. with us? somehow? why haven't we fixed it? even tho i told this customer that if we find out its a hardware issue then we'll have to order new hardware.

they were adamant it wasn't a hardware issue. okay.

anyway. its now friday at this point and they call for another update and we're like. starting to lean towards it being the upper assembly (screen + casing) but like it doesn't make sense to us bc this computer is newish (under 2 years old) and there doesn't seem to be any physical damage to it. the screen shouldn't just go out and stop working. esp if there were no other signs besides the "memory errors".

the person ends up coming in to get the computer, we talk about a screen replacement and the customer is for it. cool. they're taking the computer with them until we can get the screen ordered which is fine. i get payment for the screen so we can order it, i let the customer know that we do have to tack on an additional charge to the hours because we've spent about an hour and a half cumulatively on this--customer is not happy about it but understands. gets a bit huffy about it. says that we should have figured it out sooner etc etc etc

and then. then like. the customer hits me with.

"oh hey, so my friend closed a pen in this computer right before it stopped working. right down here where the plastic case is. yeah. do you think that might have messed up the screen?"

i am absolutely flabbergasted by this and go "oh yeah it can definitely damage the cables there. the plastic isn't very thick. we didn't see any damage when we opened it up though" and this person just

"oh yeah my friend cleaned up the broken plastic bits before we brought it by"

OH OF COURSE. how silly of me.

i am. so tired lmao. like i dont know what this person expected of us but? tell us this info? the only info (even after asking all the questions) i got was "the computer stopped working today and it worked fine yesterday" and "i opened it up and performed an ec reset just in case"

anyway. the customer is vaguely annoyed they're having to pay more for us to find out what the issue is but in my defense YOU DIDNT TELL ME THAT A PEN WAS CLOSED IN IT.

you know how you're not supposed to omit info from medical professionals if you're being treated for an emergency? its sorta in that same vein. don't omit stuff from us when you bring us your computer to fix lmao

[mccoys-killer-queen]

Seeing Kix's last ever live show Part 2- the show

So yes, I drove 3 hours to Columbia, MD just to get my heart brutally torn to pieces and left in the rain. By the time Kix actually came on the alcohol i chugged started to hit (it took like an HOUR) and it made me wanna scream at all the photographers to go fuck themselves

TL;DR- it was underwhelming?

they opened with Atomic Bombs- which was bittersweet I guess but I love it when they open with Hot Wire the most

seeing Ronnie made me so happy

since my seat was literally as far to stage left as you could go, the concrete steps were right next to me, as was a rail, and i could stand on the concrete and hold onto the rail and go nuts

that is until a security person told me to stop fgeoirngerngfdnd

in the moment i had fun but as soon as the moment was over it was back to heartache

Steve never opened up his shirt which was disappointing

when they did Midnite Dynamite there were BIG COLUMNS OF FIRE ??? SHOOTING OUT FROM THE HUGE HIGH UP PLATFORM THEY HAD ?? I was at least 30-40 feet away from it and i could FEEL THE HEAT

same thing goes for huge spark fountains (except for the heat part)

they did three medleys of obscure songs (but I'm gonna be honest I didn't recognize most of them)

the first medley, they did Body Talk and as soon as they started playing it, Steve stuck his finger down his throat like he was trying to make himself puke from hearing it rtgnnsadiofifearf

every medley was basically Steve judging the songs on whether he likes them or not it was funny

seeing the girl money glasses for the last time ugh concerts will never be the same if they're not kix

Steve always leads up to Scarlet Fever with "this song is about dirty diseases" or something like that, and he said something about "you gotta wear a condom to not get those diseases but condoms are no fun right they're just not fun"

the Itch and the crowd singalong and Steve always picking on people never ever fails to crack me up

when they played For Shame, Steve walked into the crowd and walked around and shook people's hands and gave hugs and stuff and the second he started singing while doing this i fucking lost it and tears were running down my face it was so bittersweet it was like he was trying to thank every individual person

idk why I always forget about Cold Shower when it's like the sluttiest of all slut songs

Ronnie did the guitar solo leading up to Cold Blood and I'm sorry Ronnie but I'm used to Bob and I like Bob's solo better but seeing Ronnie finally in the place where he was supposed to be this whole time was bittersweet

big balloons falling from the ceiling

confetti cannons and one not going off until the next song

Steve doing more jumping than normal during Blow My Fuse

i wish Steve did the full feature length Yeah Yeah Yeah monologue

^^that was their last song

i always forget how much steve says "aiight"

when their set was done, Steve introduced some people in their crew and management

when everyone walked offstage, and really only steve was left, he imitated Porky Pig and went "t-tha-th-that's all, folks!" and left the stage.

imo the setlist could've been a lot better bc a lot of their hard-hitters were cut (like Hot Wire, Same Jane, Kix Are For Kids, Sex, etc) but i guess the medleys were more important. The show also felt really short? It was under 2 hours and imo the whole thing felt really underwhelming, like I was expecting a huge extra long super exciting show but this was like... below average? Like yeah there were more stage effects and two guest members and three medleys but- it just didn't make it feel any more special than a normal Kix show, yknow? It almost felt like they were in a hurry to finish (the set feeling quick made it feel like this, not their actual performance. In fact- this entire rushed retirement seemed like they were in a hurry to retire...).

I don't know if it's because I wasn't at the barrier like I always am for Kix or the fact I had my heartbreak on pause or what, but to me it just felt really underwhelming? I went back to my hotel afterwards feeling similar to how i felt in my hotel after the last night of M3; dumped.

I'm still in shock that it's all over, and that it ended this way- with absolute silence and a soul-crushing shame. I can't ever forget the fun I've had with Kix over the past year, though. I just wish to god it had ended differently.

EDIT: I was trying to kill Mark with my mind last night. Tried to shoot lasers from my eyes. When he walked offstage he walked in my direction and I glared at him as hard as I could. I knew he couldn't see me, let alone recognize me, but he was looking in my direction.

EDIT #2: after steve walked through the crowd and went back on the stage, he said "that was fun. i hope none of yall have herpes *wipes hand on his shirt* I got that when it first came out!!"

[rrxnjun]

i'm sorry for replying late but had actual zero clue that i didn't send this and then i had an exam so💀

to be fair u wouldn't really be wrong with that statement🫢 (kinda interested in who u were targeting lmao) sticker just hits diff as much as i wasn't vibing with it when it first came out (sorry) now i jam to it so hard!! I REALLY LIKED THE SONGS also recommended without you to my friend and she also loved it very much!!! I DIDNT WATCH THE ACTUAL MV BUT I SAW ONE OF THEIR PERFORMANCES FROM A MUSIC SHOW AND THE SONGS WAS SSOOO GREAT I REALLY LIKED IT!!! (and that's as far as i got with checking out the cb😔smh exams)

i feel like 2 hour should be a lot actually😭idk how someone expects the brain to work more than that smh😭 i think u actually getting in despite that and ur uni being one of the bests just screams that u are veryvery smart🫡 I NEED ALL THE PRAYERS I HAD ONE IF IT TODAY AND ALMOST CRIED BY THE END LMAO THEY SHOULD ACTUALLY BE CANCELED!!! i hope ur speaking exam will go well as well!!!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳glad u passed!!!!! IM A LITTLE BIT LATE TO THAT BUT I HOPE U PASSED THAT ONE AS WELL!!!! (ur teacher sounds like a nightmare😟)

KEEP SPREADING UR LOVEJOY AGENDA!!!! and tbh i kinda see it how they match🫡

IM ACTUALLY SO HAPPY THAT I SENT U THAT ASK!!!😭I LOVE THE STORYLINE OF LIEBESTRAUM SO MUCH ACTUALLY!!! (i have read it like three times already instead of studying for my maths exam🫢) IT DOES LEAVE A GOOD OPEN ENDING ITS JUST SO GREAT ACTUALLY😭😭AND THANK UUU FOR BEING AN AMAZING WRITER!!! AND JUST BEING A VERY LOVELY FRIEND;-; I HOPE SO AS WELL!!!! HOPE U ARE DOING GREAT!!!! AND THAT THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING WELL FOR U!!!!!!!🥳💓💞 (liebestraum anon💞💞)

GIRL IM HERE TO ANSWER THIS RELIC OF AN ASK TO MARK OFF THE END OF RRXNJUN HIATUS AHAHAHA. this is so funny to me. from the moment u sent this ask i managed to slide into your dms, get out of a depressive episode and also stan the boyz, somehow. anyways.

i kind of had to look up my previous answer to know what we were talking about here

i wont say the group name out loud for the sake of my reputation but if you ask about it in dms ill tell you AHAH. sticker definitely took some time to marinate but i got the vision eventually. glad to hear your friend liked my all time favorite cix song!!! and thats totally okay i get that these things take time *cough cough* me w tbz *cough*

i love how i was talking about exams in my last reply.....thats so crazy bc that was like more than a month ago now GOODFUCKINGBYE. and NOO im not tHAT smart i just learn pretty fast. i hope exams went well for you as well LORD i- okay lets proceed

are you serious did you really reread the fic ;-; that's making me so flattered omg thank u mwah. im glad you liked it and that you sent the ask that long ago bc now we are actual besties AHAHA. glad you enjoyed the open ending!!!! im happy you didnt leave me after getting the fic AHAHA /j

[saidtostaine]

DID LISTTTTT ( Feb 18. 2023 )

- been such a long long long longggggggg time since i've done this but i realized how much better this made me feel so i want to do it again

💟 went to work early in the morning and did my usual stuff. cleaned the place before anything else and served some customers etc etc

💟 when i had nothing to do at work, i finished my stats and management assignmenttt, did some religion homework too but didn't finish it ( this is interesting since i didn't expect it to be so easy for me. i thought it would take up a lot of my energy but the flow was very smooth )

💟 after i got off work at around 3 pm, i did 2 loads of hand wash laundry ( IT WAS A LOT ) after a month or so of not doing any. ( it took me 4 hours 💀 but surprisingly i wasn't tired. most likely because i took frequent breaks. i watched wizard liz yt vids on my breaks bcs i love her so much )

💟 i rearranged my clothes cabinetttt. i wanted wanted wanted to do this for a long time now but i didn't seem to have the time nor the energy but now i finally did!!!! i also choose clothes that i will be donating soon since i want to have less things now

💟 i took a short shower, moisturized, and slipped into my fav comfy PJs <33 i always love this part of the day

💟 i ate dinner. AND IT WAS REAL FOOD. i enjoyed it so much, its actually been such a long time since i've eaten proper dinner so this was vv nice :')

💟 i had a massage earlier by this amazing electric massager while i was writing the half of this post. it was so relaxing i could feel my back bones rearranging and turning back to their original places

💟 NOW IM CURRENTLY HEREE writing this post, listening to perfect pair piano cover by sook on yt ( i omly discivered it earkier and ITS AMAZING i immediately fell inlove. check it out ) and so comfy under my sheets with my itadori stuffie and hot choco ☕ after this, im going to watch JJK and go to bed because its another day tomorrow!!! 😌😌

today was very fun and i feel rly good about myself. im so happy i started this again and that i am back to my recovery. everything will be just fine. i hope everyone a happy day always and forever

[justtogetthrough]

It'll be a week til I get the feedback forms from foster parents but my colleagues and upper management were THRILLED about my training today. I didn't finish it early enough to memorize so I was freaking out and so stressed out. My manager called me 30 mins before it this morning for the kind of pep talk she used to give me before meetings. Speak loud and strong, etc etc. Things i used to struggle with but haven't in a long time. I was so short with her bc I was anxious and trying to get another read through in before it began and she was wasting my time. So I let her speak for as long as I could tolerate before saying look, I'm busy preparing, is it okay if I let you go?

I ran out of time in the training which I wasn't expecting to (the script should have timed out well but again, not memorized, so) and I had to improvise a little. Missed the last couple slides but I can add to the follow up material being emailed out. I got through the academic part of it successfully though, IMO - this is the part I was most worried about losing people.

I had a foster parent and one of the managers text me during the break half way that they were LOVING IT and then after the training I had more staff reach out. What kills me though is the executive director herself called me after it all. I was so scared when she asked me to call her back so vaguely and sternly. She had to sit in on it because with any sensitive trainings that there's a chance people will be offended and complain, she ensures she is present for it to see what exactly is said. The last time we had a sensitive training it never even made it to the foster parents because of how rattled the white people on staff got. So I was very prepared for this to be deemed inappropriate or too upsetting and figured she was calling to be like yeah, pulling the plug on part 2. No more.

But... the ED called me and just absolutely raved about how amazing it was and how much I impressed her. We don't work together at ALL, ever, to the point where if I dye my hair she hasn't even recognized me lol. She *does* hear about me now and then through my manager in supervision and stuff, and the ED is kept abreast of me going on emergency medical leaves about once a year due to my mental health going into crisis and so I chronically worry she and my manager will decide I'm too unstable to be relied upon for this job. No reason really, I'm just scared bc of stigma and shit. And especially bc the ED doesn't know me at all, or see me doing my thing at work - so in my head I worry that all she sees me as is someone who's mentally unstable and unreliable lol.

So... I was absolutely freaked out that she'd be watching this training, my first run of a brand new training I literally only finished yesterday, and I was very worried because if extra people were gonna sit in (tons did) I wished it was the second or third run through not first. When she called she did explain that she wanted to be there primarily for liability purposes which makes way more sense at least, less judgey and more just back up in case ppl got mad.

But damn, the things she said. I cried. I covered my face because I was smiling so much it hurt - she had so much praise for me and she said she was so impressed at how I presented and handled the topic and just, how effective and warm and knowledgeable I was. She acknowledged she's never really seen me do anything in a professional capacity so she was extremely blown away, the way I carried myself and extended so much compassion and respect to our foster parents on a difficult and controversial topic she said exceeded her expectations and she wanted to personally congratulate me on a job well done.

It took me hours to recover emotionally from that honestly lol.

It was so nice.

This training is why I've been collecting things under the #trans tag for a year. It's been over a year of working on this training on gender identity. I present part 2 in December which is longer than I hoped for but meh. I have put so. much. work. into this. The feedback today has made it feel so worth it. Besides serving as the final thing that gets me my masters degree, which is itself huge, but these are non academic people. This is real world. Direct impact on people and their lives. It's so surreal.

I'm also just so glad to have this off my plate for now. The last 3 weeks of finishing it for todays deadline has been intense, it has taken up so much of my time. I work from 9-5 and then have been spending 6-10 or 11 preparing this training every single day. So stressful. To present the first half of it today and to have IMPRESSED so many people has been exhilarating. I'm so happy. It's been so wonderful.

I also really hope I get a good raise this summer now that my ED knows how awesome and skilled I am 😂 My talents are not exactly used to their fullest in my role, but my agency is really great about letting me do things like trainings and other forms of advocacy when I feel drawn to, especially when it comes to certain topics (especially queer stuff, but other things too), and it's a neat thing. My salary sucks balls but the work is so fulfilling and great for me in almost every other way.

But yeah this training preparation has been a big reason why I've been quiet lately. Spending all god damn day on my computer makes me really not wanna go on my phone at night once I'm in bed ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway. That's a lil joy from my life today. A huge joy really. I cried from happiness and was euphoric for hours 🙂

[abyzzwalker]

how did u realize it? I'm so interested. I'd like to realize it but I don't really know where to start.

The Tomb Prospector? Okay this is gonna be long, I hope you don't mind.

Whenever I tackle a new costume, I first try to make a list with all the parts I need to make. (It usually ends up being way more than I initially expected). I took literally tons of screenshots from different angles and dissected the outfit. Zoomed in to see what kind of material would've been used for the coat, or the capes, the shawl, the vest etc.

If it's a rather big project, like this, it helps me to just start anywhere. Even if it's just a small detail (in this case, it was the hat). As I move on, I like to make the biggest costume parts first, since actually seeing it come together gives you a feeling of accomplishment, and thus a motivation boost. I struggle with finishing what I started, and with so many details to work on, it's important to remind yourself to push through. I will go on explaining some details now, so if you're not interested in that, you can stop reading here.

Some people like to buy all the materials beforehand, but I tend to get stuff as I go along. I made the hat using a cowboy hat pattern as a base, but because the brim is so ridiculously wide and asymmetrical, I had to make my own pattern. The whole thing is made from EVA foam, heat shaped, detailed with a soldering iron and dremel, primed with PlastiDip, painted with acrylics, and sealed with Valour Clear Coat. However, the actual Tomb Prospector isn't wearing a hat, but a hood, so that might not even be helping.

The coat was next on my list. I bought a pattern for a basic, long military coat online and modified it (no collar, shorter sleeves, added a vent). I choose fabrics based upon my research, by the way it drapes and appears to be woven. Fabric shopping always takes the longest because of how picky I am, I dread it. For example, the coat and the first cape aren't the same fabric, in fact they aren't even the same colour. I could go deeper but that'd make this a book xD The decorative front stripes are painted and sewn on.

Over the coat comes a lace-up mini leather cape/collar thing which I made from faux leather and weathered it.

For the capes, I bought a base pattern and HEAVILY modified it, because it never looked right and also bc the capes are very short and fitted. The one that goes under the other is also slightly longer. The pattern for the giant ass collar is my own, and I gave it some stability with both wire and 2mm EVA foam. That other funny part hanging out between the capes was just eyeballing really.

The shawl is very simple, just a brown, 2 layered rectangle. What made it absolute hell was the painting on the details. It took me many, many hours (In reality, it's actually embroidered, but I don't have an embroidery machine and I sure as hell won't do it by hand).

The trickiest part about all this was making it stay in place. The capes are sewn together, both the triangular thing and the shawl go between them. I made it all work with looots of snap buttons. (It's complicated haha)

The vest is thrifted and modified because I wasn't feeling like making something from scratch that's barely even visible. It was kinda baggy so I fitted it to my body to make it nice and snug. It's real leather, but the colour was way off, I painted the whole thing and added different buttons. It actually looks really good and very accurate now!

Gloves are made from whool and suede because I like to suffer. In retrospective, it wasn't a good choice.

Boots are thrifted and I added faux leather "top flaps" to make them longer and give them accuracy. The pants are thrifted and modified too. Everything is also weathered.

For the laced up neck gaiter I used a balaclava pattern and modified it (no top part, fitted neck part, lace). It's made from suede and can be opened and closed with velcro (bc the lace is very tight).

Those tool thingies are made of EVA foam, except the test tubes of course, dremeled, primed, painted, sealed. The bags are thin faux leather with stuffing inside to give them shape, with the sewing being extra sloppy to make them look worn. The belts hanging from the sides are real leather straps, shaped with water and patience, with the "metal tips" being worbla and the stitching being actual thread. (My poor sewing machine is still weeping). The wrap belt is just one very, very long piece of black suede that I distressed, painted and weathered. I just wrap it around my waist and fasten it with a safety pin (shhhh)

I'm genuinely sorry if this wasn't the answer you were hoping for q.q I didn't go into too much detail because it really was a lot of work and I probably forgot some things. I should also mention that this build was the most expensive costume I ever made. A lot of money was put into the materials because I really wanted to make it look as accurate as I could.

Thank you for asking <3

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2988

todays only been a long day because it's almost 3am and im still awake.

i have a cut on the knuckle of my thumb and it hurts. i have the intense need to scratch it a lot.

worked this morning and did papier-mâché with the kiddos. one was doing it for school, the other just wanted to do it too. but i realized last night that i didn't have all of the things i needed. that i didn't have any of the things i needed. so i got up early to hit the craft store for things. i ended up going to walmart bc mom asked me to get a couple other things too.

after work was the meeting and i got to give somewhat of a run-down to ben about what i expect to happen. i'm happy i have a staff member.

after that i went inside because it was quiet, and i sat and talked to daniel and joel for a while. i was tired so i went to take a nap, but joel was leaving so i gave him a hug before he headed out. i had to be up at a certain point so i could go with papa to pick up dinner, so i fell asleep probably around quarter past 2 and woke up two hours later.

got up, packed my stuff, headed to panera, waited with papa for the food, and brought it home.

of course, the whole reason for the panera was that it was my family birthday party. because we have those for every person in our family around their birthdays. like this one, they usually occur the weekend after. it was nice.

aunt wendy made the cake - it was chocolate mousse cake again, which is excellent because it was just delicious. the decorations were cute - they were put up nicely but you could tell momma wasn't feeling great. but also she's the shortest one besides grandma, so she had a hard time putting things up anyway. but it was really nice.

aunt wendy got me a two-parter, the first of which hasn't arrived but the other was in a big bag - it's a queen sized red fleece blanket. it's beautiful and i love it.

papa got me a new sewing machine!! i'm so excited about it. i can make things without the machine snapping the thread and/or fucking up the tension! i'm honestly so excited about it.

and the eggies got me something i totally didn't expect: an apple watch, with cellular. the model i wanted, the size i wanted, and the color i wanted for both the external case and the band. and they got the right kind of screen protector, which i wound up fucking up almost immediately bc there was a speck of something and i thought i could get it off - i was wrong. rip. but at least i can get a new one for almost nothing! it's fine how it is right now though. the band is a little itchy, but i'll get used to it. it's so cool.

after the party, i said my thank-yous and took myself to the pumpkin festival. it was almost 8 at that point, so i went downtown and walked around for a while, just absorbing the atmosphere and buying things without going over my limit (i used cash). i was looking for a new tote bag, and i found one by a lady who works with african women who are mothers of children with disabilities, and all the proceeds of the things they make go directly back to them to help them get care and therapy for their children. i got an orange bag with elephants, and i love it a lot. i'm lucky i found it, too, especially because of who it goes to. as someone with several disabilities, it's important to me to be able to help people like me however i can. and even though my disabilities are only mental, being able to help kids with mental and physical disabilities is important to me. being different is okay, good even. but we live in a world that's not made for us. so being able to help people live better means a lot.

i walked around for a while downtown. it was nice. warm enough to walk around comfortably for me, but cool enough that walking around wasn't uncomfortable. i didn't wear my sweatshirt i'd brought.

i got some earrings and some candy and i eventually played a darts game and i got a little pink octopus from it. i smiled and cradled her all the way back to my car.

i went to mcnaldos after, stopping for ice cream and juice, and i went home to work on some homework. i got the last of this week's work done, and finished watching a movie with papa. when i was finally done and ready to go to bed, i got upstairs and the octopus family i have told me to go get my new friend, so i did. i went downstairs and got her and brought her up so she could spend the night with her new friends and family and not all alone.

i totally didn't cry about her being lonely. nope.

also it's now quarter past 3, my thumb still itches, and i need to finish my routine. i'm a disaster.

but at least i can track my sleep better.

also i'm looking for a recommendation of a discord access app for my watch because there's a few but i don't know which to use, or if i should at all. eh.

[bandpants]

Reflecting on things and putting them on a webbed site instead of in a journal bc maybe someone can relate

It took being in a relationship to realize that I'm (probably/most likely) aro. Always loved him as a friend but could never bring myself to say that I loved him as a partner because what the fuck is love even supposed to feel like!! I also realized that I probably have attachment issues because the closer he wanted to be, the more I wanted to run away. Idk. I was never much of a phone call person but that's what we did because it was long distance. One-on-one time like that is tiring to me and can be a drain on my social battery, especially when the conversation is dominated by the other person. It was never something he intended but he'd go on long tangents and I didn't want to cut him off or make him feel bad by saying I would like a turn to speak but it also reminded me of when a former best friend would invite me out somewhere that would require a car or call me and I would feel trapped listening to her update me on everything going on in her life with her barely extending the courtesy to me. And I knew they were different scenarios with different people but I started to dread the weekly calls with him and texting with him would feel more like a chore than really enjoying each other. I disclosed a bit of the history with the old best friend to him so I hope he had somewhat of an idea of it, but I guess I never told him how draining one-on-one time was for me because it felt trapping and like I had no control. No one in my life got 2-3 hours of my undivided attention like he did but it wasn't enough from a romantic partner.

Meanwhile I had also started streaming games to relax and connect with people, and he always had an open invitation to that. He didn't like talking in the twitch chat but he would still lurk in there sometimes. Streaming didn't have the same draining effect as one-on-one time as it didn't feel as intense and I was in control. Some weeks I would spend more time streaming than on our calls, especially in December when I was trying to wrap up a game before the holidays. Never during our scheduled call time, but in the conversation that ended up being our break up he said it made him feel like he wasn't a priority in my life because i was putting more time into this hobby than i was with him on the phone. I haven't really touched streaming (or PC gaming) since that conversation because that comment has attached so much guilt and shame to the idea of it.

There was other stuff too, having different levels of boundaries (he didn't get why I wanted to keep my tumblr as a place he didn't have access, him asking about the details of my day every day and me just wanting to share on the days that actually had something exciting going on, good morning texts first thing when he woke up and expecting a response and even a full text conversation when I got up) that I couldn't see myself squabbling over in the long term. I couldn't and still can't picture myself ever wanting to be that enmeshed with someone else. Idk. In those last few months especially I felt like I was performing the role of girlfriend. It didn't feel natural.

I'm glad we had the conversation early enough that we could salvage the friendship, because I'm still really happy to have him in my life and have him as a boyfriend when we were together. I harped on a lot of the negatives here but he was (and is!!) really patient and supportive. We just weren't a good fit romantically/I kind of realized I don't need romance in my life