#bc there are so many thoughts in me
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AHAAHHAAHAHAHAH HAHAA. True.
i love saying “i’m being normal about it” bc i’m actually a filthy fucking liar and i’ve never been normal about anything a single day in my life
#gravity falls#and I am incapable of shutting up ever#sometimes I have to send my friends DOC FILES instead of messages#bc there are so many thoughts in me#that messages are not enough#I need a fucking document for this shit#REAL REAL. I SEND WHOLE FUCKING ESSAYS TO PEOPLE WHENEVER I SHARE MY AUS AND WRITING ABOUT GRAVITY FALLS#I cannot be normal about anything ever and I plan to keep it that way#I have 36382838 thoughts per second and actual messages won't cut it.#thank god people embrace my annoying ass tho. people love my writing.
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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one of the things that's the most fucking frustrating for me about arguing with climate change deniers is the sheer fucking scope of how much it matters. sweating in my father's car, thinking about how it's the "hottest summer so far," every summer. and there's this deep, roiling rage that comes over me, every time.
the stakes are wrong, is the thing. that's part of what makes it not an actual debate: the other side isn't coming to the table with anything to fucking lose.
like okay. i am obviously pro gun control. but there is a basic human part of me that can understand and empathize with someone who says, "i'm worried that would lead to the law-abiding citizens being punished while criminals now essentially have a superpower." i don't agree, but i can tell the stakes for them are also very high.
but let's say the science is wrong and i'm wrong and the visible reality is wrong and every climate disaster refugee is wrong. let's say you're right, humans aren't causing it or it's not happening or whatever else. let's just say that, for fun.
so we spend hundreds of millions of dollars making the earth cleaner, and then it turns out we didn't need to do that. oops! we cleaned the earth. our children grow up with skies full of more butterflies and bees. lawns are taken over with rich local biodiversity. we don't cry over our electric bills anymore. and, if you're staunchly capitalist and i need to speak ROI with you - we've created so many jobs in developing sectors and we have exciting new investment opportunities.
i am reminded of kodak, and how they did not make "the switch" to digital photography; how within 20 years kodak was no longer a household brand. do we, as a nation, feel comfortable watching as the world makes "the switch" while we ride the laurels of oil? this boggles me. i have heard so much propaganda about how america cannot "fall behind" other countries, but in this crucial sector - the one that could actually influence our own monopolies - suddenly we turn the other cheek. but maybe you're right! maybe it will collapse like just another silicone valley dream. but isn't that the crux of capitalism? that some economies will peter out eventually?
but let's say you're right, and i'm wrong, and we stopped fracking for no good reason. that they re-seed quarries. that we tear down unused corporate-owned buildings or at least repurpose them for communities. that we make an effort, and that effort doesn't really help. what happens then? what are the stakes. what have we lost, and what have we gained?
sometimes we take our cars through a car wash and then later, it rains. "oh," we laugh to ourselves. we gripe about it over coffee with our coworkers. what a shame! but we are also aware: the car is cleaner. is that what you are worried about? that you'll make the effort but things will resolve naturally? that it will just be "a waste"?
and what i'm right. what if we're already seeing people lose their houses and their lives. what if it is happening everywhere, not just in coastal towns or equatorial countries you don't care about. what if i'm right and you're wrong but you're yelling and rich and powerful. so we ignore all of the bellwethers and all of the indicators and all of the sirens. what if we say - well, if it happens, it's fate.
nevermind. you wouldn't even wear a mask, anyway. i know what happens when you see disaster. you think the disaster will flinch if you just shout louder. that you can toss enough lives into the storm for the storm to recognize your sacrifice and balk. you argue because it feels good to stand up against "the liberals" even when the situation should not be political. you are busy crying for jesus with a bullhorn while i am trying to usher people into a shelter. you've already locked the doors, even on the church.
the stakes are skewed. you think this is some intellectual "debate" to win, some funny banter. you fuel up your huge unmuddied truck and say suck it to every citizen of that shitbird state california. serves them right for voting blue!
and the rest of us are terrified of the entire fucking environment collapsing.
#spilled ink#writeblr#i hope it is clear here that i actually very much care about equatorial countries#and that's part of what makes me so angry bc im like. climate refugees exist.#they've existed for a while!!!#and the reply is almost always ''should have thought about that before living on an island"#like fuck dude. do you need to like how people vote before ur like#your entire house shouldn't burn down each summer????#so many of these people make it their life to mock california that they think it's FUNNY#and im like. girl you should be fucking trembling. TEXAS??? ARE YOU LISTENING??#this is one of those times that like. i need to stress how fucking stupid it would be#to let trump win. bc he could have “reached across the aisle.” covid could have been#a MASSIVE commercial success. he has such a huge and bigoted and brainwashed following.#literally just a PR campaign called COWBOY UP and it's pictures of cowboys in bandanas#trump reinvisioned as the lone ranger fighting for the american people against covid. EASY SELL#and instead. companies bought him. it became political. it was not ''oh shit this is 1 enemy let's all be human''#it was ''you deserve to die.''#climate change should be GLOBAL. it should be like ''yeah i hate u but. we do all live here''#i don't have to LIKE my group members to do well on a team project bc we are ALL getting graded.#is that simple enough of an under-explaination lol
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it's time to go, my love (ID in alt)
#vashwood#trigun maximum spoilers#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#ruporas art#been in a very bad Art rut lately... the fatigue is finally catching up so i turned to my very trusty muses#to bring me somewhere. somehow its vol 10 i always return to. though i thnk this is the first time im posting v10 art#i have so many in my drafts but this vol always made me emotional. It's been a year now so my emotions#They've cleared up. Somewhat.#i think i just delusioned myself into a place where ww is always alive bc i draw him well and healthy all the time. his death is such an#essential part to the narrative though... i'll never be able to run from it completely :']. anyway. im not too sure how to elaborate my#Thoughts on this one but i am quite Happy with the blueness of it all.
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find another role, carry on the show
#EDIT IT DIDNT SAVE MY TAGS. hey so this post got a thousand notes huh. interesting. surely nothing will change#i'll leave all the old tags. for my thought process. and its kinda funny#take a bow stupid idiot (throws a tomato at them)#in stars and time#isat#siffrin#siffrin no middle names no last name ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧#... or is it. Smiles#i'd like to draw mira for her birthday but um (hasnt open artfight website in a few days) im scared.#also i have NICE ASKS TO ANSWER.... But im scared. give me a minute#Uawaaaaagh i drew this bc i was trying to animate a little bit but it just . Didnt look good. im not good ag 2d animation#tch. ill keep trying cause there ar e way too many songs that and now about isat because i have brain worms. i need amvs.#IM SCARED TO POST THINGS THAT ARE SPOILERY BECAUSE I WANT MY FRIENDS TO PLAY ISAT. BUT.#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#sasasap#sasasa:p#WHAT IS THE PROLOGUES TAG.#tshirt that says 'i <3 killing the image in the mirror and taking its place' on the fromt#and a list of megan thee stallions tour dates on the back. お金稼ぐ俺らはスター#Im kind of tempted to edit this to be the versiom with the eyes. or maybe twt can have that. or. well#all of my friends are on twt (trombone slide sfx) so maybe thats where i should worry about spoilers.#ill see if i want to slap an eyepatch on them in the morning#Im one of those people who was like idgaf about twohats (lets it simmer for a week) Oh my god. Oh my god. Ohmy god#EDIT. i swapped it out for the Eyes version it should be fine as long as its tagged formspoilers right...#ill post eyepatch vers on twt partly bc spoilers but also ppl over there can be .. annoying ..... ....#i fear i would get 800 You Forgot The Eyepatch replies. PLEASE JUST SEE MY VISION.#[BANGING MY HANDS ON THE GLASS] HIS HAND. LIKE IN THE PROLOGUE. WHEN THEYE. HANDS. HELD[EXPLOSION
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i dont know how else to put this but to approach books (or any media, really) solely for the sake of relatability is genuinely incredibly heartbreaking......to have such little (or such unwilling) imaginative scope that you cannot stretch yourself, even marginally, in a different direction to what you’ve known or are used to knowing when the very POINT of stories is to transport you somewhere else, into someone else, so you can do just that........when fran lebowiz said a book “is supposed to be a door!” and george saunders said good prose “is like empathy training wheels” they were right!!! they were so so so SO absolutely entirely right!!!!!
#thinking about that last post still and i'm having so many thoughts#that people have relatability as the sole criterion is astonishing to me#like how else are you going to develop variegated textures in your relationships w others?#not to be dramatic but it seems like a little death to me. truly.#everything i read as a child and teenager was expressly something as different from my world as possible. bc i wanted to relate as something#other than me#once again it is. heartbreaking#truly it is#p#book talks#idir lúibíní
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If you follow my main you had to know this was coming… anyway. Enjoy these bloodweave doodles :)
#bloodweave#gale x astarion#astarion x gale#baldur's gate 3#bg3#baldurs gate more like baldurs gay amirite folks?#yeah sorry the themes of hunger abuse and power got to me. I’m not immune to thematically mirrors#I have so many thoughts about the it’s not even funny anymore#oh you mean to tell me that canonically gale would offer up his blood if asked and that astarion can’t even do that bc of the orb ??#tasteful irony that the guy who would want to help can’t do that bc of a mistake he made for love.#especially devastating for someone who measures his self worth in usefulness#oh they are so fucked up and they could understand each other in ways hardly reachable to others#once I start an origin run it’s over for you guys I will be so insufferable. even more than usual
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fuck you *lethal companies your in stars and time*
(long) exposition under cut (spoilers for ISAT + lethal company logs)
This au takes place around the time of sigurd's logs/before them (i haven't decided if Sigurd's crew exists here or not yet)!
Siffrin was someone who used to live on the Golden Planet before it got eaten. They may not remember anything beyond being found in an escape pod, but they're still paralyzed by fear when getting close to the selling window. He's always first in the facilities, making jumps, braving traps, and heading as deep as he can for scrap.
Mirabelle and Isabeau are the medic and fighter respectively, who both came from the same moon colony. They were both pressured into taking jobs by a work-based society, and applied for the company under the impression that it was a short, high-paying internship with nebulous risks.
Odile is their resident ship manager. She keeps a watchful eye over everyone and relays information about monsters, scrap, etc. In absolutely dire situations, she may come help with scrap. Despite claiming to be a first-timer, her badge says Leader??
Nille and Bonnie ended up with the crew after taking a chance to run away from their parents. Seeing a high-paying job that provided everything and would take them far away sounded too good to pass up. Nille lied about Bonnie's age to take them with her. After seeing the reality of this job, though, she regrets not finding another way out. Bonnie is permanently on ship-duty; they mainly type in whatever numbers Odile tells them. Nille is also a fighter, though she prefers the weighty stop sign as opposed to Isabeau's shovel.
Loop, after hundreds upon thousands of quotas, dying every possible death, learning everything they could- even the real identity of The Company- realizes there was one thing they've never done before. They've never died to The Company. Desperate for a way out, and haunted by the whispers and screams beyond the wall, they give themselves up. Maybe that would finally satisfy the monster- to have devoured every last piece of the Golden Planet. Maybe their crew could finally rest easy that way. Well, they didn't loop back. But through the dark and damp, there's static on the walkie talkie. Loop picks up, and hears their own voice just beyond the wall.
(Loop's design is the most different by far, since instead of consuming a star, they themselves are slowly getting digested. They're inspired by the visual of red crying faces from the logs :D)
#cw body horror#just loop being loop!#ughhh i have so many more thoughts about this au but we'd actually be here forever#did u know i love lethal company. did you know.#loop especially here makes me a little SICK#last drawing is loop btw#second drawing is just siffrin#loop calls siffrin nugget in this au bc “golddust” didn't sound that great#loop (as sif) also wrote notes on all bestiaries and moons#complete with many bad puns. dw#also the terminal doesn't reset between loops. for reasons!#loop is never actually SEEN in this au#but designing them was fun... so i did it....#boulder moment is a spike trap in this au btw#isat#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#isat siffrin#isat fanart#isat spoilers#isat au#twohats#two hats spoilers#isat loop#isat isabeau#isat mirabelle#isat odile#isat bonnie#isat lethal company au#artilite
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some misc Barn & Wally doodles from the past week or so <3 i heart them
#i read 'barnaby bites wally out of affection' exactly Once and it imprinted in my brain forever#its so damn cute... what the fuck... who authorized that....#one thing about me: yes i Will exaggerate size differences. no im Not sorry#listen one thing i love more than the big guy & their lil buddy dynamic#is big guy & their lil buddy 'rough-housing'#where it looks vicious but the big guy is actually being so so gentle and careful <3#it kills me every time!!!#AND THESE TWO ARE PERFECT FOR BOTH BABEYYYYYY#the bestiessssss themmmmm them them them#i have so many thoughts / feelings about them and many of them Directly Conflict <3#scribble salad#welcome home#wait when. when did i start drawing barnaby so damn much#every other scribble is Him#uh oh! looks like hes Blorbo!!!#anyhow sometimes i sit on doodles for Days and Days#until it occurs to me that hey. i can post these#i havent been scribbling much bc ive been chipping away at comms when i have the free time to do Art#the only non-comm stuff have been silly warmups riperoni#BUT! AHA! last week's me (early this week???) was in their Barnaby & Wally feels!!!#providing current me with Crumbs to post!
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I'm also having a lot of fun with this game!!
#tloz#a link to the past#I both put so little and too much effort into these#no effort into the starting stage and way too much effort trying to make it somehow work out#it's fun to work like that!#it kinda helps with the stuck feeling since I get to jump straight to what would normally feel like the finishing touches sdhisu#link#zelda#my art#I sure do have a lot of thoughts and impressions of them considering how minimal this game is... (extremely affectionate)#Link's outfit looks like that bc I've gone outfit crazy in totk and I got bored of drawing the plain green tunic for smth else#I wanted to just look at the sprite and do whatever but I love this Zelda outfit too much to touch it too much dfskfu#that was so many tags... maybe nature is healing.... (me)
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Haven't been able to think about anything other than the victorian/edwardian/WW1 twink and his 80's punk almost-boyfriend for a week, send help
#this tv show has consumed my every thought#it's like tumblr catnip#go watch it#it will eat away at your brain#there's also a butch lesbian butcher#an autistic manga loving weirdo (my beloved)#and a badass psychic who's also a mess#WHAT MORE COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT?#updating the post bc the reblogs lead me on a WILD wiki rabbit hole about the eras of England#okay so Edwin is born in 1900 which means he was born 1 year before the end of the Victorian era (1837-1901) so technically he's a victoria#baby who lived his childhood in the Edwardian era (1901-1910) and his teens in the pre/start of WW1 era (started in 1914)#until he was killed :( in 1916#so my boy here lived though MANY historical events and time periods#shout out to my victorian/edwardian/WW1 twink#history is very fun and this is why i love this website bc where else would i have to do research for my blorbo?#I do however find it very funny if Gaiman named him Edwin in honour of the Edwardian time period he grew up in#I love that man and it wouldn't surprise me if he turned out to be a history nerd (affectionate) like the rest of you#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#charles rowland#crystal palace#niko dbd#dbd#please feel free to dm me about history i adore it
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I want to make an AU where Bill was never evil but his personality is still the same outside of that so the Pines twins show up to stay with their Great Uncle Stanford and he introduces them to his husband who's just. A funky little chaotic triangle creature from another dimension. He gives them deer teeth as welcome presents and both he and Ford (who is extremely accustomed to his weirdness after 30 years together) act like that's a Perfectly Normal Thing to Do. Dipper is LOSING it, Mabel is LOVING it (she makes a necklace and earrings out of them)
#have no idea what i would name this. also i can't draw which makes me sad bc i have so many ideas for this#my first thought was “good Bill au” since it's kind of the inverse of the “evil Ford au” but idk#I MIGHT write a fic about this concept but I always struggle with properly characterizing Bill so I never post my Billford fics#billford#gravity falls#domesticated bill au#<- name suggested in the replies so that's how i'll tag it for now
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so like... teeth... fangs, even.........
(silly) xtra under the cut
smfh tfw ur trying to joke but friend snitches you tf out
#utmv#cross!sans#killer!sans#self insert#mblue art#posting this on oreo's bday bc yes :)#10/10#happy birthday idiot what did you do to me /lh#you've stayed in my head for more than a year#made me feel so many feels#it is insane how many (AU) scenarios ive thought of with him guys#(but i will only share a couple to the public bc i am shy u_u;;)#(and they r very very self-indulgent;;)#(also HHEEELLLPPP KILLER IS SUCH AN ASS !!! (affectionate))#(you're lucky you're skrunkly meow meow status i made u look good in the first panel 😤😤😤)#CM
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Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 4 - Nuthin' but Boothill Edition
[Pt. 1] [Pt. 2] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 5] [Pt. 6]
#boothill#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr incorrect quotes#hsr memes#honkai star rail memes#hsr meme#honkai star rail meme#hsr textpost#hsr boothill#boothill hsr#hsr spoilers#hsr 2.2 spoilers#hmmm... don't think it's worth tagging the others in the 9th image. this ain't about them#still unsure abt how to do the alt text for these kinda posts properly but hopefully i'm improving#anyways. don't think i've ever seen heard and typed "cowboy' so many times in one day as i have while making this good lord#i did a bit of digging around and haven't Seen any of these done yet so. here's hoping that's the case!#i'm only ~3/4 of the way through the 2.2 main quest but the need to make these compelled me to put these out Now#i can already tell u that there Will be more of these for Boothill tho bc i'm crazy abt him. probably enough to make another dedicated post#but i'm gonna wait until i'm fully caught up on the plot (and will probably spoil myself for more of his character lore after that as well)#speaking of. i'm gonna go eat mac n' cheese and stay up too late playing through the rest of the main quest#i'm loving it so far. many thoughts head full abt it all but in a good way. hoping for more Boothill moments as we approach the end#he's def not the main character here but he is to Me okay. he is to me. i'm scarfing down every crumb he drops#i'm also suffering from Aventurine withdrawals out here. Argenti mentioning him was Interesting but i need More. Where Is He.#also. was Argenti intentionally not voiced or was it a game issue?? the hell was that. threw me off so hard when i couldn't hear him speak#anyways i'm getting off topic and wasting precious gaming time so i'll be takin' my leave now
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one of my favorite things about zedaph is that on a server full of people that find strange and oft-overlooked minecraft mechanics or rare events and then see just how far they can push them in the name of spectacle or efficiency or world-breaking, zed is over here finding these mechanics in order to do the weirdest things he can think of in as entertaining a manner as possible
like i 100% have faith in zedaph's theoretical ability to be just as efficient or spectacular or world-breaking. if he wanted to do that stuff, i trust that he absolutely could. but thats so far from being his priority. instead, hes going to spend around a week of irl time focused entirely on eventually having the good luck to spawn in something insanely rare so that he can convert it into something even rarer, the result of which being something that 99% of the server reacts with complete and utter shock that it even exists in the first place, just because its zany and funny and he wanted to. and i love that
#zedaph#hermitcraft#genuinely i adore the clucky few project im not even done watching the episode and i had to pause and make this post#i saw impulses video first and went ''that HAS to be some sort of datapack or something-''#only to immediately go ''no. no it cant be. because this is zed#and its practically a trademark of his to push the limits of the game as far as possible in the direction least expected#not for the purpose of efficiency or spectacle or intimidation or whatever like some players who push limits#but purely for the purpose of making something so funny you cant help but laugh at whats going on#and maybe being a bit impressed that he ever thought of it in the first place''#at which point i went ''holy shit. since its zed doing this. somehow he ACTUALLY got a villager on a chicken. with no cheats. thats INSANE'#i was relieved when i checked my subscriptions to see what the next video i had to watch was and saw he would be next in line#bc if i had to sit through 19 other hermits videos before i could watch his and find out what the fuck he was doing i would have been so sa#sidenote but i feel like a zed video where he interacts with this many other people all in the same video is so rare#idk i didnt watch season 9 and i know he started collabing a lot more w/ other hermits then#so maybe its not nearly as rare these days#but like the last one that *i* saw where he interacted with this many people at once was towards the end of season 8#when all the people he experimented on earlier in the season came back to experiment on him#and like i would like zeds videos with or without the collabs. but its a lot of fun to see him interact with people#so its very cool to me when he does it with a lot of people all in the same video
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#sars cov 2#covid 19#i've interacted with 4 different friends/acquaintances in the past month alone who have all been hospitalised after having a stroke#(and in one case multiple strokes)#one who i visited in hospital over the weekend had a (unmasked) nurse coughing up a lung in her room 👍#and one of them who had to undergo surgery also had to be moved to a different hospital#bc the ward they were keeping him in was full of confirmed covid patients 👍👍#idk how many times it needs to be said before it gets through people's heads but VACCINES ARE NOT ENOUGH#and encouraging ppl to rely solely on them when there are already plans to jack up the prices so you have to KEEP PAYING for boosters#for an ONGOING mass-disabling event is so laughably unrealistic and absurd and flat-out demonic#you need to mitigate the actual spread of covid by WEARING A MASK + fighting for CLEAN AIR/proper ventilation in public spaces!!!!!!#ppl are so eager to forget the whole 'break the chain of transmission' thing and how effective masking is and so this is where we're at#'i got infected and infected other ppl who might die or become permanently disabled but it's no big deal bc no one else wears a mask#so if /i/ didn't infect them someone else would have anyway so it's not my fault and really its got nothing to do with me and my choices'#if everyone is responsible then no one is responsible - that's how it works right?#it's no wonder some ppl go rabid at even the sight of someone wearing a mask and minding their own business#ppl seeking treatment for unrelated conditions/illnesses and then dying from covid caught in hospitals#due to lack of npis/basic mitigation measures - no regulations no accountability#we truly live in a hell (''new normal'') of our own making#anyway none of this is new news at all i mostly thought it might be good to share the info graphic abt signs of stroke#covid has been given free reign and chances are increasing as to how likely you'll encounter it happening to someone you know at some point#also heart attacks and pots and alzheimer's etc etc etc
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