#bc that’s mainly where I see the discussions coming from

[lyculuscaelus]

So I keep seeing the discussion of ichor’s color around, which is agreed by almost everyone that it’s golden, but it’s still weird no one has provided a source for reference. So if any of you can help with that, please tell me the source material and quote the corresponding lines; and if you cannot—here’s something I have found, just for your information:

When it comes to ichor, it’s only natural to refer to this part in book 5 of the Iliad, where Aphrodite was wounded by Diomedes (line 339–342):

… ῥέε δ᾽ ἄμβροτον αἷμα θεοῖο ἰχώρ, οἷός πέρ τε ῥέει μακάρεσσι θεοῖσιν: οὐ γὰρ σῖτον ἔδουσ᾽, οὐ πίνουσ᾽ αἴθοπα οἶνον, τοὔνεκ᾽ ἀναίμονές εἰσι καὶ ἀθάνατοι καλέονται. The divine blood of the god (goddess) flowed out, The ichor, such as the kind that flows in all blessed gods— For they neither eat bread, nor drink fiery wine, Therefore they are bloodless, and are called immortals.

But I fail to find a more explicit description in the rest of the book, and even here the color is not described. All you know is that it’s not blood, but it functions like it. So maybe the color isn’t really specified in Homer’s time? I’m not sure…

So then I begin to wonder which god other than Aphrodite and Ares got was known to have bled. Naturally, Prometheus came to mind (thank you @simugeuge for suggesting this). So while I looked up Hesiod’s Works and Days and didn’t find any description either, an interesting part in Apollonius Rhodius’s Argonautica got my attention (book 3, line 851–853):

πρωτοφυὲς τόγ᾽ ἀνέσχε καταστάξαντος ἔραζε  αἰετοῦ ὠμηστέω κνημοῖς ἔνι Καυκασίοισιν  αἱματόεντ᾽ ἰχῶρα Προμηθῆος μογεροῖο. The first-born (of the herb) sprouted from the blood-red ichor of Prometheus in distress, dripping to the ground by the flesh-eating eagle, on the cliffs of Caucasus. (frick Apollonius Rhodius and his wild sequence of words)

Everything points to the word, αἱματόεντ’, or its nominative singular form, αἱματόεις, -όεσσα, -όεν. It is clear that this is αἱματο- (stem from αἷμα, “blood”) plus this set of endings of the adjective. So it’s something blood-like. Now, if you look up a dictionary, say, LSJ or Middle Liddell, you will find that it means “blood-red, or of blood” when describing colors. Which means, in Apollonius Rhodius’s account, the ichor is blood-red.

So, I still don’t know where exactly is ichor depicted as golden, but at least we now have one ancient Greek account that paints the ichor in red. Is that enough for reference? I don’t know.

[hella1975]

so it turns out it was actually never that serious

[eternally-tired-cryptid]

on one hand I wanna write my fic ideas wherein my marvel oc gets sent to the alternate universe of Gotham and hijinks ensue whilst she tries to survive and get back and the batfam and such slowly learn more info abt her world and how it's being threatened atm and she needs to go back and help and whatnot.

But on the other hand, the readers wouldn't know the marvel related backstory of this OC and would have. No context for her going in

But ALSO then the readers would know abt as much abt this mysterious figure as the batcrew do, and get to learn via flash backs and her slowly revealing info to them as safety allows

Then there's also just a general. Idk if there's any sort of oc etiquette when it comes to writing oc centered fics? My brain goes so hogwild when I read anything that I usually avoid oc fics other people write just bc I usually read and enjoy fics at face value but I also go "now what would happen if this OC was here?" And that gets real complicated when other people's ocs are involved

[galacticlamps]

actually ascension needs its own post since that's the one with the most details to speculate over and im starved for soho talk so i will talk to myself if need be

First the cover again, because I kinda can't get over it:

my only thing is that I had been hoping we might get Lizbeth on a cover again since she's never been on one of the boxsets before, despite being the 2nd person credited on all 4 of them (even if that's just alphabetical, still, she's the only one of the four main characters who never makes the cover)

But letting that go...

I know we already kinda knew the brief for this one but damn I didn't expect it to go quite this hard. Maybe that's just because the Parasite & Ashenden covers were (comparatively) similarish to each other and I was so pleased with Unbegotten's, and then got so used to it as the placeholder for Ascension while they kept postponing it, I wasn't expecting anything this colorful or detailed or with what I can't help but register as Fun New Outfits even though these are still like, pretty damn basic as far as costumes go. Still, it's a different vibe from everyone in suits and trenchcoats on every cover, technically. (Oh the woes of being an audio fan such that two characters owning sweaters actually does qualify as new information)

On top of just being visually delightful though, I know we knew religion was gonna be a fairly big part of this one, but I didn't actually expect to get quite this much of it - though I'm glad of it for a number of reasons. The BF twitter already made the ineffable joke so I don't have to, but also yeah I did very much spend all of season 2 episode 4 of good omens half convinced Samuel Barnett & Dervla Kirwan were about to pop up around any given corner (if you will go around being gay supernatural and horrible at your messy bureaucratic jobs in midcentury soho then I'm sorry, this is where my brain's gonna go) - so, fuel to that fire. But in terms of actual important things, at least one of my Soho wishes looks to be being granted because we have a Rev Edward Folgate on the cast list, which must mean we're finally meeting Norton's father, even if his mother & brother don't appear (which they could, technically, I've definitely seen BF not list all the doublings on their cast tabs before). Religion, domesticity, and the nuclear family are all things that absolutely fascinate me when it comes to Norton's character, so getting any amount of story involving his father & his church is something I've been actively hoping for for a long time now.

(I will say I'm a tiny bit bummed Saffron Coomber isn't on the cast list to play Mia again, but I kinda figured she wasn't going to be since Greg Austin's Armitage, who's making his first recurring appearance after originating in Unbegotten, was listed ever since the boxset was announced - presumably if she was also returning, that would've been handled in the same way. But since Unbegotten ended with Lizbeth and Mia going on a date, I still held out hope. Who knows though, maybe things did go well for them and Lizbeth just has a better work/life balance than Norton so she can date someone without them getting dragged into every scifi plot. I know that's not a very common accomplishment for any Torchwood agent, but a gal can hope)

At this point I know I'm completely in the realm of speculation & even wishful thinking, but I'm really really hoping we get some more clues as to Norton's overall timeline in this one, and I have a feeling that even if there's nothing as direct as dates given, the events of a plot like this one are going to heavily influence my personal interpretation of it.

To say that life & death are major themes for the soho crew feels wildly reductive, but even by Torchwood's standards and taking into account its origins as a piece of media with Jack Harkness & his newfound immortality at the heart of it, the living/dead status of this bunch has always been fantastically up in the air to me. Obviously Ghost Mission introduced Norton as kind of a ghost before revealing more obvious ghostly characters later on to which the title might have been referring, but his being from the past did beg the question of his survival into Torchwood's present era all the same, which Outbreak later alludes to much more directly, and his habit of showing up via hologram in multiple stories only further obfuscates any certainty we might have about where & when he definitely can be said to be alive and well. Then you've got Lizbeth and Gideon both being effectively 'brought back to life' via paradoxes that prevented them ever having died in the first place. Again, they are very very far from being the only Torcwhood characters this happens to (for a sprawling EU, it's really rather impressive how often & in how many different ways Torchwood as a whole manages to circle back to being about like. chaotic undead queers at the end of every day. though I suppose that consistency is part of why I keep falling in love with its different iterations again and again). That's without even getting into the question of Norton's dubious fate in God Among Us - and I say dubious because I know some people take that to be his ultimate death, but I personally think that reading something as vague as that as having any kind of finality rather goes against the spirit of this whole world/series, not just because I want him to live. (There are obviously other ways to make him survive/reappear, but I don't see this as a River Song scenario where we can safely assume one of his earlier-released adventures had to happen at the end of his personal timeline). But wherever God Among Us falls for him, he does very much meet God in it - or at least, a god, since the sentinel in Unbegotten is also described as a god of sorts, and even if he doesn't ultimately have the status of the god Jacqueline King is playing there, Unbegotten is still full to bursting with ghosts/undead/came back wrong/echo characters to continue underscoring that life/afterlife theme.

So all things considered, even allowing for the fact that we know Norton's twin hobbies are lying about himself and abusing time travel to suit his own ends/ever-shifting alliances, I find it difficult to believe we could get through a whole 6-part boxset about religion & death without something providing some kind of compelling evidence about where this adventure fits in among his other run-ins with apocalypses and gods and ghosts and dead-but-still-here characters/creatures, so I'm very much looking forward to any further exploration on that front.

And lastly, and least intellectually, I really want to know what the hell 20th-century Torchwood's obsession with Reginalds is. Reading through the cast list, I had to do two separate doubletakes over the character 'Sir Reginald Peebles' - firstly, because I had Reginald Rigsby on the brain, this being Soho (and the other Troughton brother being so active on BF's releases for this same month) - and secondly, because reading this in conjunction with the announcement for the July monthly adventure in which the new main Torchwood guy of the 20s is apparently called Sir Reginald Dellafield, there was a brief moment where I took that monthly release to be a tie-in with Ascension. I don't expect it to be, but damn. was it really so popular a name?

anyways, catch me thinking about those stained glass windows for the next couple months I guess (and knowing Torchwood Soho, for a long long time after it comes out as well lol)

[gluion]

wish you were sober — seok matthew

seok matthew x reader, slight myung jaehyun x reader

wc — 6.9k genre & warnings — fluff, light angst, crack, friends to lovers, alcohol consumption, vomitting in one scene, kissing/making out, jealousy, zb1 friendgroup antics, HAOBIN AND GYUBRIK CANON SRY, boynextdoor and kiss of life cameo, reader has hair long enough to be tucked and held back playlist/inspired by — apt. by rosé & bruno mars // sober II by lorde // wish you were sober by conan gray // urs by niki // lovers rock by tv girl notes — wrote this mainly bc my life changed the moment matthew read my sign in the jebewon con, finished it the day matthew was @ the prada event. and in both instances, i've gotten significantly more ill, so here's this very self-indulgent, self-insert fic (where aspects are derived from my own experiences) <3 if you enjoyed reading, please do reblog and leave feedback! request to be part of the taglist! masterlist

synopsis — as far as matthew knows, you still liked another man. yet, your friendship with him takes a sudden turn over a drunken confession... or three.

(or in other words, the three times you confess to matthew under the influence but he never believes you—until you tell him sober.)

the first time you confess to matthew happens on the night of hanbin’s graduation—no, not a confession of love but one of attraction.

if matthew has to be completely honest, he still doesn’t know what to make of your words. over the course of three years, he wouldn’t have suspected your interest in him. if anything, he’s under the impression you still like jaehyun. yet, everything shifts the moment he stumbles into the same bathroom as you.

“hanbin, have you found yourself a job?” gyuvin pops the long awaited question.

more than half of the group finds themselves in the kitchen. matthew knows that gunwook’s coming from soccer practice and yujin had to stay home for a doctor’s appointment the next day. as for you, he remembers seeing you with julie on the search for jaehyun and sungho.

the graduated fellow groans. “don’t remind me that i’m unemployed. this whole job search is going to kill me.” hao chuckles as hanbin rests his head on his shoulder.

gyuvin slings his arm around jiwoong’s shoulders. “oh, don’t worry! i’m sure this employed man can make something happen, right?” 

“me? you should be asking ricky!” all eyes land on the blond who sips away on a drink. “he’s the one with a family business. i’m barely making it in that goddamn nine to five that i’m still mixing shit for you college students.”

ricky elbows jiwoong’s side, causing the man to yelp. “you could be asking me for a job if you really hated the one you have now.”

“really? you could save me?” jiwoong almost gets on his knees until matthew holds him back.

“please don’t do that. not everyone knows you here.”

the man complies and puts his hands together. “ricky, please. i might just kill myself if i have to deal with another overtime. i mean, i can’t even remember the last time i properly hung out with you guys.”

“i don’t think anyone expects you to stick with us all the time. you have a job.” taerae’s point only brings him to a fit of laughter as jiwoong tickles him.

regardless of how loud taerae and jiwoong are, the rest of the group continues to discuss hanbin’s dilemma. “but yes, i could make something happen if you really want,” ricky offers.

“really? thank you!” hanbin hugs him. “it’s almost impossible to find a job. i don’t know why.”

“tell me about it. i can’t even get an internship. i’m already willing to settle for an unpaid one but no one seems to be accepting,” taerae complains as he leans against the wall. 

hao swishes around the alcohol in his cup. “that does make me wanna ask what the upcoming seniors are planning to do.” his eyes darted between taerae and matthew.

taerae grins. “the goal is to become a trophy wife.”

“of course it is.” gyuvin laughs before leaning against ricky. “i’m marked safe. i don’t know about you guys.”

jiwoong groans while taerae rolls his eyes at their public display of affection. “you don’t have to rub it in our faces.”

“yeah, whatever. what about you?” ricky looks at matthew. “are you still planning for medschool or is there another career crisis happening again?”

he shakes his head. “nah, i’m still pretty set on med school. next year is going to be hell for me.”

“ah, that means matthew is going to be the one providing for his partner! taerae, now’s your chance.” hanbin’s joke has everyone bursting into laughter.

taerae dramatically clears his throat, choking in between which only makes them wheeze. “matthew, can i be yours?”

matthew gets closer to his friend, his face only a few inches apart before saying, “not until you let me become yours.” at his double down, everyone starts to make gagging noises, including taerae who physically cringes.

“get a room!”

“damn, no kiss?” ricky’s joke in contrast to gyuvin’s complaint has jiwoong chuckling.

“yeah, you know what? fuck you, guys. i’m going to find someone at this damn party.” with that, taerae ventures off. jiwoong follows without another word.

gyuvin’s phone rings in his pocket. as he brings it out, he sees a message. “oh, gunwook’s already here! i’m gonna go grab him.” ricky trails behind his partner, leaving matthew with the other couple. 

hanbin looks around before asking, “hey, where is y/n?”

“last time i saw them, they were looking for myungjae and sungho.” matthew chugs down his drink before letting out a sigh.

“i wonder when they’ll finally grow a pair and ask him out, or just do something about it,” hao wonders out loud as he stares off into the crowd. “it’s almost painful to watch. i feel like i need to play cupid.”

“wait, why haven’t you been helping them out?”

hanbin’s question has matthew laughing in disbelief. “you think i haven’t? i’ve done almost everything to push them. i even told them all the signs that show he’s clearly interested, but y/n won’t budge. i’m surprised they’ve been sane enough to not say anything even while drunk.”

it almost seems like their conversation summoned jaehyun into the kitchen as he comes rushing to them. “oh, speak of the devil. we were just talking about you,” matthew says with a smile until he sees worry taking over jaehyun’s features.

“guys, i think y/n had too much to drink.”

matthew stands up straight. “where are they?”

“in the bathroom with julie.”

without another word, matthew makes his way to you while jaehyun follows. “what even happened?”

“y/n was fine, i swear. with how they were acting, we all thought they were just tipsy. but it was like watching a sudden switch from that to… genuinely almost passing out.”

it’s not that matthew doesn’t trust jaehyun. if anything, he would trust him any other day to watch over you, but tonight’s events only show that jaehyun still has much to learn about you. the guilt in his voice only shows how much he cares.

as soon as matthew spots sungho and natty outside of the bathroom, he rushes to them. “oh, thank god you’re here. julie is helping them freshen up right now,” sungho says. 

“we weren’t trying to get them blackout drunk, we swear. we really thought they were okay, but i don’t think they ate enough before drinking. me and julie were helping y/n as they were throwing up but they kept looking for you.”

matthew rubs his chin over natty’s explanation. “can i go in?”

“uh, let me check.” natty knocks on the door before swinging it open.

“matthew, we’re sorry. we really didn’t know,” jaehyun apologizes.

before matthew can say anything, julie exits the bathroom. “i think they puked out whatever they could. just make sure they stay close to the toilet.”

without another word, matthew makes his way to the doorway. he sees your hunched figure by the bathtub as you sit on the tiled-floor. in your drunken state, you don’t notice him as you quietly sing a melody.

matthew should’ve been filled with worry. yet, he thinks back to natty’s words, and the image of you looking for him plays in his mind—and it’s a smile that he can’t get rid of.

once he closes the door behind him, your eyes snap to him. “matthew! you’re here.” your slurred words bring him to a chuckle.

matthew remembers the last time you were this drunk; it’s funny to find you in the same situation after telling him multiple times that you wouldn’t drink that much ever again. he crouches to your side, taking in the sight of your disheveled state. “y/n, i thought we weren’t going to drink that much anymore.”

“i know,” you hiccup before your eyes shut, “i’m sorry.”

sure, you were always a mess whenever you drank this much, but you were never intolerable—never to matthew. (after all, he’d deal with you in your most intoxicated state over the others.)

his hand reaches out to tuck some strands behind your ear. at the presence of his warmth, your cheek snuggles against his palm. “you don’t have to be sorry. it’s okay.” you melt into his touch. 

without thinking, his thumb caresses your cheek, etching invisible shapes onto your skin. he watches you twitch over the action, and your eyes meet him once more. 

matthew’s ready to draw his hand back, help you stand up and escort you back to your place—

“you’re so pretty.”

his movements halt. matthew doesn’t know if he heard you right or if the alcohol is getting to him as well.

“huh?”

and the next thing you say stops him from breathing. “you’re so cute.”

it’s not unusual for you to compliment him, really, but something’s different about now. maybe it’s the alcohol or the distance between you two, but all matthew knows is that your words carried some weight different from other instances.

perhaps now is the worst time for matthew to be stuck in a daze. you’re drunk. he shouldn’t be making a fuss over the nonsense you spout, which is why he fails to catch the telltale signs of your impending nausea. (and you clearly wouldn’t have caught yourself in your intoxicated state.)

before you both know it, you throw up on yourself, and that finally snaps matthew out of a haze. he’s quick to grab the trashcan and bring it close to you. as you vomit, he holds your hair back. it keeps on going, and going, and going—at least matthew will take that as a clear sign that you’re done for the night.

on the next day, matthew asks if you remember what you said last night. when he’s met by your confusion, he knows better than to not think anymore of what you said then.

(and instead of sharing your slurred words, he tells you of the vomiting mishap in the bathroom. jesus fucking christ, i am not drinking ever again, you say in embarrassment.)

ever since that night, matthew has made it a habit to ask about your progress with jaehyun. it’s not that he’s running away from the events of that night. after all, hanbin’s right; matthew should do a better job in playing cupid for you and jaehyun. yet, all questions pertaining to your relationship with the boy were always met with a shrug and a refusal to dive into the details.

a few months pass. something romantic has yet to develop between you and jaehyun. at this point, matthew is feeling hopeless about the future you dream with that boy, but he isn’t the type to give up. he knows that there’s something between you two—all you need is a push.

“happy birthday, gyuvin!” everyone cheers as their cups clink against each other.

the birthday boy grins as he leans on ricky’s shoulder. “thanks, everyone. i’m glad you guys are here,” he mumbles. his cheeks have gone red and his words are starting to slur. considering how long the party has been going, matthew isn’t surprised to see gyuvin very much intoxicated.

for his birthday, he decided to invite his friends from his other social circles; basketball jocks, gaming nerds, and even student council folks take over his house as they talk and play over drinks. gyuvin thinks now would be the best time for all of his friends to meet. still, most of the group sticks together.

“you know, you should just hire me to bartend for your parties. everyone in this party seems to be chugging the drinks i mix for them,” jiwoong jokes as he bumps his shoulder against gyuvin.

“isn’t the next party going to be halloween? are we even planning to host one?” hanbin asks.

taerae tries to recall the previous arrangement. “didn’t we agree to spend halloween with yujin?”

“nah, we decided on christmas. yujin said he has plans for halloween, so we can host or just find another party to crash.” gunwook’s response brings the whole group to look at him. he raises his hands in defense. “don’t look at me! i’m not offering to host.”

“does myungjae not plan to host one?” hao’s question seems to be directed at matthew with how his eyes are on him.

jiwoong brings his hands together. “perfect! he might hire me.”

matthew rolls his shoulders back. ever since he tried playing cupid, he doesn’t know why everyone seems to go to him for anything related to you and jaehyun. first, it was when gunwook wanted to know about jaehyun’s schedule. next, it was gyuvin when he asked if jaehyun and his friends would be attending this party.

it’s not like matthew knew everything about myung jaehyun. 

(unfortunately, it doesn’t help that he only has jaehyun’s schedule because he had to find a way to make you spend time with him. what doesn’t help his case any more is that he only knew of jaehyun’s attendance because he wanted to make use of this party to push you to do something.)

“i wouldn’t know.” matthew takes a sip of his drink. “and, wouldn’t hanbin know? he’s closer to myungjae than i am.”

“we should just ask him. where is he, anyway?” hanbin looks around.

“probably with y/n, or something,” ricky jokes before swaying in his spot with gyuvin. “any update on that? what’s been going on with them.”

all matthew does is shrug in response.

“guys, hear me out…” gyuvin calls on the group’s attention. “truth or dare.”

a beat passes.

“let’s go find myungjae.”

“yah! it’s my birthday.” gyuvin pouts over hao’s reaction. “don’t you guys think it’ll be fun?”

jiwoong scoffs at gyuvin’s question. “fun? the last time we played, it resulted in someone losing their clothes and me almost losing my job from a tweet you guys made.”

“i thought you hated your job, anyway.” taerae’s comment results in a scolding from jiwoong. “what?! i’m just pointing it out.”

while some were against the idea, others were onboard with gyuvin’s idea. “i’m sure it’ll be fun. let’s get myungjae and the others to join in as well,” gunwook suggests.

then, it hits matthew that this is it—this is the opportunity that he needs to push you. under the guise of a simple and fun game of truth or dare, he could maximize whatever option you choose. “i’m in.”

everyone ends up agreeing with gyuvin’s game. from there on, all matthew needs to do is grab you and jaehyun and hope that his plan moves forward. (and get his other friends to join, sure.)

matthew is lucky that he’s able to spot julie in a sea of students. while she’s busy chatting with the seniors, he realizes that you and jaehyun aren’t with her. he continues to move through the crowd. the last thing he wants is to see you too drunk to function, especially when the universe presented him with the perfect opportunity for you and jaehyun.

yet, it comes to his surprise that he sees you in the corner, whispering into the ear of your crush with your hand against his chest. the grin on jaehyun’s face is enough for matthew.

maybe you didn’t need your friend’s help. just from the distance (or the lack of it), matthew thinks you might have everything under control. that means that matthew can sit back and allow you two to unfold this romance.

but there’s a sting in matthew’s chest. he’s sure it’s not a heart attack; it should come in a form of squeezing, and the pain should spread throughout his body. yet, the one he’s experiencing is merely an ache. maybe he should hold himself back from drinking any more.

“have you found y/n?” gunwook rests his hand on matthew’s shoulder. before matthew can respond, gunwook spots you and jaehyun. “myungjae! y/n!” at his call, you two snap your attention to them. matthew can already tell how intoxicated you are from how you spin your head to his direction. “come! we’re gonna play a game.” with that, gunwook takes his leave.

matthew’s suspicions are further proven with your inability to walk straight to him. “matthew! there you are,” you giggle as your arm links with his. your hiccup brings matthew to look at jaehyun.

“how much did they have this time?”

“less than the last time, but i’d still argue quite a lot.” 

while matthew and jaehyun try to find the group, you continue to latch onto matthew’s arm as you walk sluggishly. “do you not drink a lot?” matthew asks jaehyun.

the boy hums for a moment. “i do, but i think it’s better if i drink less when i’m around y/n. at least i’d be sober enough to take care of them.”

matthew has no reason to doubt jaehyun, especially with an answer like that. he knows that jaehyun would care for any of his friends; jaehyun’s always been the type to help out his friends with any task, but his choice to take that extra step tells matthew enough of his adoration for you.

“what are you guys talking about? are you talking about me?” you slur the question as you tug on matthew’s arm. “it better be good things.”

matthew can’t help but laugh.

as soon as matthew and jaehyun spot the rest of their friends gathering into a circle around a bottle, the three of you quickly find your own spots to settle into.

jaehyun takes a seat near sungho, leaving some space beside him. before matthew can go somewhere farther to sit, your grip on his arm holds him back. “hey, stay with me.” matthew’s eyes flicker between your drunken expression and jaehyun’s gaze fixed on him and you.

“you’re okay. you’ll be with myungjae.”

matthew’s confident that you would agree to sit beside jaehyun. after all, the boy took care of you for most of the night. yet, your grip never falters, and nothing could’ve prepared him for the last sentence you mumble, one only for him to hear.

“no. want you with me.” 

matthew stills. the music becomes muffled and the chatter surrounding him falls silent. instead, the beating of his heart fills his ears as heat rises to his cheeks—and he doesn’t know why. 

“hey! sit down!” gyuvin calls him out. with all eyes on you two, matthew doesn’t want to upset you any further. if he pushed to sit somewhere else, it would only cause a scene, and that’s the last thing he wants on his friend’s birthday. matthew finds himself sinking into a spot beside you.

the game proceeds accordingly, where most chug some more alcohol with every round that passes. secrets spill out of people’s mouths and laughter seems to fill the air. and for some reason, with all the times that’s passed, you stayed leaning against matthew.

at least you weren’t drinking along with the others.

after multiple interrogations and embarrassing dares, taerae spins the bottle. “please please please, don’t make it me again,” he prays as everyone watches the bottle go in circles.

“i’d laugh if you had to do another one,” gunwook says before taking another shot. “actually, i’m going to hope it lands on you!”

taerae tackles his friend to the ground over his comment, making him yell out complaints. yet, the universe works in taerae’s favor—and also matthew’s.

“oh my god, finally!” taerae cheers as he sees the bottle pointing at you.

you blink a couple of times. “oh, fuck me.” your head finds its spot behind your hands.

“i have been waiting for this one.” taerae rubs his hands together. “truth or dare?”

you have always been the type to choose truth. with the group’s history with dares, you weren’t the type to take that risk, which is why it comes as a surprise to everyone when you say, “fuck it, give me a dare.”

this is it. this is the opportunity that matthew needed. “i have a dare!” he beats everyone from spitting out any useless suggestion. as soon as all eyes are on him, he glances at jaehyun before saying, “i dare you to do seven minutes in heaven.”

your eyes go wide over matthew’s suggestion. “what the fuck?” you smack his arm. “no way in hell am i going to do that!”

“nu-uh! a dare is a dare,” ricky argues. “don’t try to get out of this.”

gyuvin speaks up, “if it helps, you don’t have to do anything with anyone. take this as your opportunity to bond with someone, get your heart-to-heart talk or something. but you can also make out with them, we don’t really care.” before he can take another shot, ricky stops him from doing so.

you groan at your friends’ insistence. “but with who?”

the stars are aligning for matthew. he’s about to chime in with the perfect name—

“what if we just spin the bottle again?” all hope shatters for matthew, and myung jaehyun is to blame. “that can determine who will be with y/n. it’s completely by chance.”

before matthew can interject, gyuvin claps at jaehyun’s suggestion. “you know what? you’re so fucking smart. let’s do that.” with how intoxicated the birthday boy is, no one seems to go against his idea, including you, and matthew fears what will unfold once that bottle lands on someone that isn’t jaehyun.

as soon as gyuvin reaches out to spin the bottle, matthew shuts his eyes in hopes that the universe would listen to him in the same way it did with taerae. he’s not even doing this for himself—it’s all for you. he wants you to win as much as you do with yourself. (he hopes that, at least. he needs you to believe that you have something with jaehyun as much as he does. if you didn’t, then this would go nowhere.)

“oh.”

matthew says one final prayer. he opens his eyes at the sound of gyuvin’s reaction, and what he doesn’t expect to see is the bottle pointing right at him. matthew’s convinced that the universe is going against him.

“well, lead the way, birthday boy,” jiwoong says.

matthew glances at you, expecting to see disappointment, but he only sees an expression he’s never seen before—and one he can’t decipher. 

it doesn’t take a while until you and matthew are shoved into gyuvin’s walk-in closet. gunwook says they’ll keep the game going, but matthew attempts one last time to get out of this dare, only for the door to be shut right in front of his face.

as the shuffling of footsteps grow distant, matthew finally accepts defeat. he looks back to see you sitting on the floor with eyes shut. maybe you need these minutes to sober up. after all, who is the best person to take care of you if not him? 

matthew finds himself on the floor with you. seven minutes could easily pass with you two; not a single word needs to be said. but tonight, time seems to stretch into an eternity. matthew hates it.

he takes in the sight of you; your shirt’s disheveled and your nose scrunches from the heat of the room and alcohol. still, most things remain the same. your arms cross with every moment your eyes long for rest and your steady heart sounds throughout the room from every exhale.

since when did matthew notice all the small things about you? it’s not like you two were friends longer than he is with hanbin. he still finds himself forgetting trivial things about his friends��with you, it comes easy.

your eyes peel open, and for the first time, matthew’s nervous around you.

“you feeling better?”

you nod before sitting up straight. “yeah, i think the alcohol is leaving my system.”

“that’s good.”

seconds go by.

“so,” matthew clears his throat, “how are you and myungjae?”

a laugh escapes you, not like the ones whenever he cracks a joke but something he’s never heard before. “we’re okay.”

matthew waits a couple of moments until he realizes you weren’t going to expound. “oh, so now, i don’t get to hear you yap about your crush?” his comment manages to earn a laugh he’s familiar with.

but it’s turned into a reality. he can’t remember the last time you actually talked to him about myung jaehyun. if anything, it’s almost like you don’t want to talk about the boy to him.

matthew’s never been the type to force you to share anything, really, but he realizes it’s been a while since you mentioned the boy’s name. it’s impossible for him to ignore that. and tonight, he can blame his curiosity on the alcohol.

“are you hiding something?” 

“it’s not that.”

matthew hums. “then, what is it? 

silence falls on you two.

he takes the lack of your response as a sign. to not push any further. to not be curious. to respect your privacy.

to sit back and watch it unfold.

to forget all that you’ve said on that drunken night.

“myungjae and i are just friends.” matthew’s eyes snap up to meet yours. “we’ve always been just friends.”

“but that can change. i mean, i could help you! i’ve seen how much he cares for you, i’m convinced he likes you—”

“matthew,” you cut him off, “like i said, we’re just friends.”

he frowns. “i’m confused. just because you’re friends now doesn’t mean you can’t be something more.”

your breath hitches, and his confusion deepens.

“you really think that?”

it’s at this moment that matthew spots something different about you tonight, one he’s never been on the receiving end of to experience—your glossy eyes filled with strong, bittersweet yearning.

and he holds his breath before saying, “yes.”

the bass of the music fades away. the heat of the alcohol means nothing. matthew could care less about who he came with to this party.

right now, it’s just you two. 

“i don’t like myungjae.” your reveal causes matthew to frown. “i haven’t liked him for a while.”

“oh.”

you nod. “yeah.”

matthew has a million questions running through his head. what caused the change or heart? how long ago did you know that? is there something wrong with jaehyun and he never saw? 

“i—”

“when—”

he shakes his head. “sorry, you go first.”

“no, it’s okay. what were you going to say?”

“it’s just… i wanted to know when you realized that.”

a chuckle leaves you. “even before hanbin’s graduation party.”

“you could’ve told me! if i had known, i wouldn’t have kept pushing you to do something with myungjae.” matthew hides his mouth in embarrassment. 

you shake your head. “it’s okay. i didn’t tell you because…”

matthew notices your fingers fiddling with each other, an unconscious habit of yours whenever you’re anxious, and his confusion grows.

he doesn’t want you to think he can’t be trusted with your secrets, your stories, everything about you. after all, he wants to be your friend—your person—and how can he do that if you felt an ounce of shame to tell him that? he needed to let you know that—

“i like you.”

time stills for a moment.

for once, matthew doesn’t know what to say. 

“time’s up!” the door swings open, revealing gunwook and taerae whose grins are lopsided. “did y’all enjoy the heart-to-heart?” gunwook’s question is an innocent, light-hearted one, but the silence hanging between you two is nothing of the sort.

before matthew knows it, you let out a giggle. “of course!” in your attempt to stand up, you almost lose your footing, causing taerae to reach out to you. “sorry. i don’t know why but i feel a lot drunker than before.”

your slurred words only makes taerae shake his head. “oh, my silly lil alcoholic. let’s keep it going!”

the three of you exit in high spirits. yet, matthew finds himself stuck in his spot.

stuck in his memories.

stuck in the last conversation.

stuck in your words.

stuck in denial.

“yah, matthew! hurry up! we’re still playing,” gyuvin shouts from outside of the room.

because you’re drunk. you probably didn’t mean anything you said, like how you didn’t mean what you said at the last party. 

for the rest of the night, you continue to enjoy gyuvin’s birthday.

matthew attempts to do the same.

it’s been two months since that conversation. on the morning after the party, you admit to the group that you lost recollection of the events that transpired on gyuvin’s birthday. with how much the birthday boy drank, he found himself in the same boat as you. taerae says that it’s only best that you don’t remember anything from that night, mainly to save his pride.

but matthew remembers it all. he remembers how you looked at him that night, how your breath hitched, how long the silence was all before you lied.

and he knows you lied.

all it took was one sight of you on a date with jaehyun for him to realize that.

matthew couldn’t believe he showed up to the halloween party, not because he wasn’t the type to deny an invite, but because it’s being hosted by jaehyun.

he has nothing against him, really, but the conversation in the closet shifted everything; his dynamic with the boy, his thoughts surrounding your relationship with jaehyun, his feelings towards you. matthew prefers to keep his distance out of respect for you two.

that doesn’t mean he won’t talk about it with others.

“i really don’t think they’re together.”

“hanbin, did you completely forget what i said?” matthew shakes his head. “they were on a date.”

he finds himself in the kitchen dressed as saiki k with an almost-finished bottle of soju in his hand. while the rest of his friends were off somewhere, hanbin and hao, who were dressed in stitch and angel onesies, stayed with him.

hao takes a sip of his drink. “how’d you know it was a date? they could’ve been hanging out for all you know.”

“well…”

“see! you can’t even defend your point.”

matthew groans. “that doesn’t change anything. i’m sure of it. i mean, they came in a couples costume!”

“they’re matching with sungho, you airhead,” hao points out.

hanbin laughs before adding, “as the incredibles, too!”

their doubtful reactions causes matthew to roll his eyes. he chugs the remaining contents of his bottle before grabbing himself another. “i thought i could trust you two.”

“and you can!” hanbin tries to snatch the bottle but fails. “dammit. just be responsible, okay? it’s already hard enough dealing with jiwoong and taerae when they’re drunk.”

hao sighs. “and you know, jiwoong’s drinking heavy tonight because he got laid off. hoping ricky can help him out.” matthew twists the cap open and drinks straight from the bottle once more. “hey, i’m still saying you should trust what we’re saying. whatever y/n shared in that closet might not be a lie.”

despite their attempts to convince matthew, he knows the truth. there’s no point in trying to prove him otherwise. so for now, he’ll drink the night away.

“i’ll see you guys later, or something.”

“matthew—”

he doesn’t spare a second to hear their protests. as much as he loves his friends, he needs some space to wallow in silence. all he longs for is a quiet space away from everyone with enough alcohol to forget everything.

“matthew!”

this is the last voice he wanted to hear, especially at his state. he sees jaehyun and sungho together dressed in black and red.

“oh my god, you’re matching with riwoo! you’re saiki k, right?” sungho asks.

matthew forces out a smile before nodding. “yeah. incredibles?” he points at the logo on their chests.

“yep! you should take a pic with riwoo!” jaehyun suggests

matthew would’ve agreed any other day, but he couldn’t talk to him. he didn’t want to ruin his relationship with the boy just because of his emotions. “myungjae, i would love to, but i have to go.”

“are you okay?”

when concern paints jaehyun’s features, matthew is reminded once more that there is nothing to hate about him. he needs to get over this whole thing. if you’re happy with jaehyun, he should learn how to be happy for you, too.

a sigh leaves matthew. “yes, sorry. i just need space, if that’s okay.”

“of course. i hope you’re okay. do you want me to bring you to a spot where it’s quiet?”

matthew shakes his head before reassuring the host, “it’s okay, i’ll figure it out on my own.” and with one final nod from jaehyun, matthew walks off.

he passes through the crowd, exchanging brief greetings with familiar faces, until he reaches a hall filled with doors. most rooms were already occupied, and the last thing matthew wants is to know what they’re doing. all he cares about is finding an unoccupied room where he can drink the night, the confusion, the pain, away.

once he reaches the final door, he quietly begs the universe to give him what he needs. as he swings the door open, he notices that the lights are off, and that’s enough for him to believe it’s unoccupied. without sparing a second thought, he shuts the door behind him before letting out a sigh.

it takes him a few seconds for his vision to adjust. with the moonlight cascading over the walls, he’s able to take in his surroundings. as soon as he spots a shelf filled with poetry books, he realizes he’s in jaehyun’s room. matthew couldn’t believe what the universe is making him undergo. he found himself in the bedroom of someone he desperately needed to get away from, but he’ll make do with the last unoccupied space—or that’s what he thought.

“matthew?”

“holy shit!” he jumps along with his heart. as he clenches his chest, his eyes dart to the source of the voice—only to see his friend, his supposed something. your chin rests on jaehyun’s mattress as you stare at him; the same, glossy eyes he witnessed in the closet. matthew clears his throat before standing up straight. “sorry, i thought i was alone.”

you shoot him a tight-lipped smile. “no, sorry i didn’t say anything as soon as you came in.”

a beat passes.

“why… uhm, why are you sitting in the dark?” his chest throbs as he asks the question.

what if you were there to meet with jaehyun later in the night? or what if you had already met with him? maybe he doesn’t want to know the reason after all.

“needed to be somewhere quiet,” you answer. he watches you take a sip from a big bottle of vodka. “somewhere away from the party.”

if you need space, matthew is going to give you that. after all, you were in this room before he arrived. “okay, i’ll go leave,” he says as he turns his back on you.

“no, it’s ok—”

“it’s okay. you were here first, so—”

“matthew.” 

how your voice wavers is enough to stop him. from leaving the room. from wallowing in pain.

from abandoning you. 

he looks back, only to be greeted by the sight of you in tears. the moonlight shines against your figure, making you glow in the dark room, and he feels all resolve crumble.

matthew rushes to you. as he takes a seat beside you, he sets the bottle on the floor before his hands reach out to cup your face. “what’s wrong?” he asks as his thumbs wipe the tears.

you don’t spare him an answer; all you do is stare right back at him as the tears stream down your face.

matthew think’s he fucked up. was he busy with his issues to notice yours? did you need him? (as much as he needs you?)

yet, as soon as your hand reaches up to hold his, he realizes that this is all wrong; the distance, the physical touch, everything about this doesn’t respect what you have with jaehyun.

“i’m sorry.” he rips his hands away. “i shouldn’t have done that.”

his apology brings another flood of tears from you. “i thought we were friends.”

“we are friends.”

“then, if we’re friends, why couldn’t you give me an answer back then?”

matthew’s heart stills. “w–what?”

“i remember everything.”

the axis of his world tilts. 

“from the bathroom to the closet,” you sniffle, “i remember what i said, and i meant everything.”

all he knew then meant nothing to the present.

matthew can’t tell if the alcohol was affecting his senses. maybe he’s hallucinating, or his intoxicated mind is planting delusions that he wishes were part of his reality.

but he blinks hard, and he still sees you.

“please say something.”

matthew takes one breath. “i just… i don’t understand. i mean, i’ve been going like, 5 months, thinking those were meaningless words. even in the closet, you said you were too drunk. and you always claimed you had no memory the next day. i even thought you were on a date with jaehyun the other day.” as you scrunch your eyebrows at his admission, he takes it as a sign to explain. “i don’t know. i saw you two alone a few weeks ago, and i just assumed so.”

“we were just hanging out. there’s nothing going on between us.”

he shakes his head. “well, how am i supposed to know that? when i’ve been going through these months thinking all you said was bullshit until now?”

when guilt flashes in your features, he takes a moment to let his words sink in.

he watches you fiddle with your fingers before saying, “i just want to know why you did all that.”

“is it enough to say that i was scared? i mean, i used the alcohol as liquid courage. but in both times, i couldn’t tell if you felt the same, so, i panicked and said i don’t remember anything.”

one thing that matthew knows about you is that you were afraid to take risks—no, not in decision making but in relationships. he knew that the first time you held yourself back from introducing yourself to jaehyun, and he remembers when you finally approached the boy with at least 5 shots into the night.

“can you say something? anything?” you ask.

and all times, he understood your hesitancy. every time you second guess yourself, he’s the only person who knows when to act as your safe space or a pushing force.

“tell me again. tell me what you told me in the closet, i need to hear it from you.” but when your mouth parts open, ready to repeat the three-word phrase, he cuts you off. “when we’re sober.”

this time, he wants to know if he’s a risk worth taking—without the alcohol.

“tell me when morning comes, then you’ll know.” he sees confusion flicker in your eyes. “because i can’t risk anything when we’ve drunk our hearts out tonight.”

if there’s another thing matthew knows about you, it’s that you hate unfinished conversations. yet, a nod from you is enough for him to know why it would have to wait until tomorrow.

from there, matthew stands up before taking his leave.

all he can hope is that you won’t forget the next day.

when morning comes, matthew can hear a knocking on his door. he makes his way to the doorway, rubbing the exhaustion off his eyes, before swinging it open.

“i like you.”

his eyes snap open to see you, whose eyes aren’t like the other nights but with something he’s familiar with—hope.

“i like you,” you repeat, “and i’m telling it to you now, without the alcohol.”

this time, matthew doesn’t have to doubt your words. he doesn’t have to shut down his friends’ attempts to comfort him. he doesn’t have to deny what he feels towards you.

without saying anything, his hands dart towards your waist before pulling you close to him. shock casts onto your features. as one thumb finds its way under your shirt, etching constellations that you two will only know of, his other hand reaches to tuck your hair.

his lips meet yours. as his hand travels down to caress your face, your arms slowly find their place around his neck. somehow, everything feels right, almost like you two had done this before. yet, the taste of your lips is one he’s never had. as your nose brushes against his, he can’t help but breathe you in like you’re the last thing keeping him alive.

as you attempt to pull back, he tries to chase your lips. “matthew,” you call out his name before he draws you back in for another intoxicating kiss, one where the buzz of alcohol could never compare to.

“don’t,” he mumbles in between, “let me have this.” he pulls you into his dorm with ease and shuts the door behind you. matthew pushes you against the door with his lips still on yours, hands exploring your figure.

from there, you don’t protest.

maybe he’s wanted you much longer than you did. maybe he’s wanted you ever since you revealed your crush on jaehyun and he never allowed himself to dwell on his own feelings. maybe he’s wanted you since the first time he’s ever set eyes on you. 

but one thing he knows is that he wants you—much more than you do with him.

(and he’d never allow you to think he wants you any less.)

networks taglist: @kflixnet @k-labels @blankjournal @zumblrnet @kstrucknet

zb1 permanent tag list: @deinsleeps

story taglist: @seokkiez @loserlvrss @itaerae

@blandtako @gong-fourz @rentenwins @pandagirl753

[sugarsnappeases]

i need to know what u think about jily

hi....... the only way that jily interests me is A) when they try so so hard to make things work for years but ultimately decide they need to go their separate ways or B) when one or both of them dies, like in canon but also esp. when lily kills james and maybe harry too <33

in this essay, i will discuss option A but if you want there is MUCH to discuss for option B........

for me. jily is like. james who is in love with the idealised version of lily that he created when he was like eleven and decided that she was going to be the love of his life and they were going to have their happily ever after forever and ever amen. the lily he loves is one he made up over years of pining and one that ultimately does not exist. lily, similarly, isn't so much in love with james but with what he represents and what that means for her. he's what everyone expects, a good, well-off man who can provide and care for her and who has been loudly declaring his love for her for years. he's something solid and the inevitable next step in her life and their relationship is a kind of wartime whirlwind spurred on by the feeling that maybe they're running out of time (they are) and by the fact that as far as everyone is concerned, they're perfect for each other.

i think a lot about them during those long months in hiding, just them and baby harry and the realisation that maybe they don't actually know each other all that well or have anything to say to each other or all that much in common. they've never really spent a lot of time one-on-one before. i imagine those months as very quiet and very lonely and filled with a lot of revelations about their relationship that they tell themselves they'll deal w when the war is over. obvs in canon that never happens.

in a non-canon context, i think they're both incredibly stubborn, and convinced that they're right for each other and this is the life they want, and, without the isolation that arose from their specific war-time circumstances, it would take them a long time to realise that their marriage is built on the foundation of fundamentally failing to understand and see each other for who they are. and even when they do realise this, it takes a long time for either of them to do anything about it bc, like i said, stubborn, but also. terrified of what it means if the one thing that's always felt certain and inevitable, is falling to pieces around them. they're scared of those uncharted waters, and also a little embarrassed, and also entirely horrified at what's become of them. they're clinging to the broken pieces of the façade that was their relationship.

i think this is also a very internal thing, in terms of like each of them internally, but also mainly in terms of the breakdown of their marriage mostly taking place behind closed doors, in their house, where it's just the two of them (and baby harry) and there's no one to perform in front of. and they argue and they cry and they try to hold things together and eventually they both come to the realisation that they can't do it anymore, no matter how scary and unknown whatever comes next is, and quietly go through the process of a divorce. their relationship begins with bright swirling colours and loud glittering celebration and a kind of manufactured joy and ends with a messy kind of honesty, and closure even if i kinda think they'll never fully understand each other, and horror & guilt & anger & fear about the time wasted and the times to come...... so.........

[blueiight]

can i ask your thoughts on the fandom’s heavy focus on louis as an object of desire? it sometimes feels to me like people are more interested in other characters reacting to louis than they are in louis himself. i know the “helen of troy” stuff is a joke but it genuinely seems like he’s often rendered oddly passive in his desirability, like we’re looking at him through the eyes of the other characters even though it’s his story (to be clear: in the fandom, not the actual show). or am i being uncharitable? either way, you always have interesting things to say about fandom reception.

i think the focus of louis as an object of desire arose largely in response to a lot of racially-charged nonsense about show louis, namely, where a loud minority of fans tried to deny the abuse and horror of season 1 and frame louis as the primary antagonist/abuser of his own story. which in of itself had the potential to go somewhere, especially considering the feminized role louis occupies in parts of season 1. unfortunately its spiraled off into its own dead end at this point to where now people, a year and a half removed from the release of s1, can box louis's character arc into this tale of getting all the hot boys to look her way. when this is a horror and tragedy series. romance is part of that, but is a piece of the full picture. classic romance is very much horror tbh but thats just me

if we're discussing the show strictly, majority of louis's relationships are antagonistic. even with his lovers, they love him as much as they seek to control him. 'his love is a small box that he keeps you in', trailer louis saying 'i knew who i was without those pieces [of myself?]' . so on and so forth. the first three episodes of season 1 are about louis's struggle to maintain a link with his mortal community, in the midst of increasing racist tensions against the city leaders, all as he struggles to come to terms with his existence as a vampire and how his relationship to lestat fits in relation to all these pieces of himself. doubly so, there is also the nature of the second interview in present time, and the sort of antagonism between daniel + louis as louis eventually pushes daniel into burning the old tape. the latter half of season 1, episodes 4-7 is squarely about the triad of lestat, louis, and claudia, how lestat increasingly tightens his hold over them both, claudia breaking them free of it, and louis's response to such. doubly so, daniel becomes more hostile the less he knows, and the more louis's composed 'master of his instincts' personage collapses to show the broken man thats underneath. armand comes in at the end bc the interview has reached a breaking point once more [as it did in the 1970s]. i know, im looking too hard into the meme, but so much of where louis errs, where his memory falters, where history is completely revised, has to do with the question of claudia. even book interview foundationally was about this grief, though not nearly with the level of depth+ gravity the show has added to the story.

where focusing on louis as an 'object of desire' most impedes analysis has to do with claudia as well, bc if u see louis as that solely, then what is claudia to u if not a 'child interfering in [louis's] romantic affairs'? why are people already seeking to write claudia off as a wayward child unduly 'taking out her anger on louis', when it was louis at the end of season 1 who strangled her against the wall and refused to let her burn lestat? when its louis in the trailer thats throwing claudia's words from season 1 back at her, evading her questions in the cafe? when claudia is having to dress as a baby doll and advertise with a sandwich board for a theater + a coven-master that all want her dead?

i think this is by nature of the fact that iwtv is canonly gay and isnt afraid of showing that, and modern fandom is mainly interested in romance. claudia's relationship to louis is secondary, if not tertiary, to all 'camps' of this tiny tiny fandom bc she is clearly established in s1 as not being a viable romantic option for louis, despite claudia's perspective and her story taking up the second half of the first season, and will continue to be important in the second season. the 'helen of troy' fixation on his desirability in relation to romantically viable vampires [or even men] seems to be another means by which fans can ignore this part of the story, just as the mutual abuse nonsense about louis being clarence thomas the third self hating black man who stole lestat's lunchables and is 'just as bad as the rest' drowned out and continues to drown out any other conversation for the past year and a half. it is very difficult to have conversations on this character precisely bc of this state of fandom, where many people seek to crack the whip over a fictional character for not being mother teresa and having a complex response to trauma, then instead of discussing that, some seek to fixate on the fact that mother teresa can be sexy, actually. when thats not the point. why is modern louis so full of grief and all but suicidal in dubai, if not for the fact that claudia is permanently dead, he still lives, he regrets something, and wants to find the truth under it all? the jokes are cute and all, but lets put our thinking caps on.

[simpel-is]

ranting abt moonlight again bc holy FUCK THIS FILM IS SO SMART AND SO GOOD WITH ITS COLOR

this hyperfixation will drag me into the ground and i will happily go along

spoilers for the movie (if u havent seen it go watch it mf its pride month) also discussion about religion (kind of), homophobia, black masculinity identity and culture, ect ect

no because how tarell mccraney and barry jenkins used the color blue as a symbolism in this movie is SO FUCKING GOOD i feel like in almost every scene u can see a color being used in a symbolic way

in my interpretation at least, blue here represents both vulnerability, security with one's identity but also masculinity (in the sense how blue is used in society to represent men and masculine gender roles, the expectations that come along), and which meaning of the blue is used is colored (ha get it) by the context of the scenes

at the end we reach the conclusion that masculinity and vulnerability can co-exist without contradicting each other in the final sequence of little in blue moonlight but WE WILL GET TO THAT IN A BIT

in the beginning chase sequence little is getting bullied and chased while he wears a blue backpack -> the blue here represents the vulnerability, and how it paints a target on chiron to get bullied by other kids

even in subtle details like how juan drives a blue car but doesn't wear blue on himself, how teresa wears blue through-out the movie, how there's hints of blue in juan and teresa's home (in that scene where juan has little sitting with his front to the door but back to the blue, but we the audience can see it, smth tells me its supposed to be how juan is trying to put up a front to act as a reliable older figure for little which GUH JUST SHOWS HOW MUCH HE CARES), his house's walls and mother wore blue at the beginning scenes which shows when he was younger he could feel and project vulnerability into his own home at one point

during the little section, after the chase sequence little is shown wearing a red shirt while other kids, including kevin, wear white and blue. white here is sort of used as a neutral color of uncertainty and perhaps innocence, while red is the opposite of blue; it's invulnerability, but also insecurity and femininity (which lines up with how chiron's mother wears red in the scene she yells at him), and it shows how chiron is outcasted with the kids, bc of his quiet nature

during the chiron section, the bully wears red and black, contrasting against chiron's mainly light colored outfits. i thought a long time for what the yellow could stand for, and maybe it's there to represent whenever chiron feels love towards another character (teresa, kevin, in specific scenes with his mother) or that sense of escapism (when he was running to the beach at night), his shirt for 80% of this section is a plaid shirt with yellow blue and white sort of mixed up together and a blank white shirt inside

before and during the betrayal scene, he wears a white shirt with blue lines, no yellow anymore bc it felt like he doesn't need to imagine kevin's love for him only exists in dreams. it's reality now, and it makes things more clear for him and his identity (THEIR SHIRTS EVEN MATCH LIKE THEY COMPLETE EACH OTHER IM GONNA CRY.)

also it might be to distinguish when its masculinity or vulnerability but the shade of blue used during the revenge scene is a more teal blue while the moonlight blue is like a natural real blue without a tint of green (i could yap on abt how green is used but this is getting too much)

now during the black section of the film, yellow is first used to represent anxiety for chiron when he wakes up from the nightmare; that escapism and affection he felt for kevin and his mother now reminds him of what happened years ago. it still haunts him. and it also haunts kevin shown in the scene when he calls chiron to apologize (but at the center the lighting is blue. he calls in vulnerability)

as black travels back to confront his past and familiar ties, his mother now wears light blue which is contrasted against chiron's darker shade of blue shirt in the forgiveness scene (they're on different ends of the spectrum, but they're slowly healing, both on the same page of what they wanna do; heal from the past)

as the movie continues, the yellow in scenes slowly turns to represent familiarity and affection instead of anxiety, but the yellow doesn't look warm or as bright as before; there's still tension, things left unsaid. but at the centre, the focus point of these scenes, there's blue, and it isn't tinted by another color (the car drive scene, how blue light peeks in through the diner scene, when kevin changes into a blue shirt)

and the scene where black fucking says "you're the only man who's ever touched me." good fucking god.

he looks at kevin's shirt. he wants the blue. he wants to share the vulnerability with kevin.

when kevin holds chiron, the lighting is dark, and the yellow now is warmer, it represents familiarity and affection again. a lot of things are still a mystery to them, a lot still left unsaid, but everything feels familiar again in a new way, in a more intimate way.

and that fucking scene where little looks back in the blue moonlight, showing how chiron's vulnerability and masculinity don't have to contradict one another; he reaches security with his child self. he finally heals.

this movie is so, so beautiful.

[katerinaaqu]

Hi there! You seem to be an expert on Greek myths and Odysseus as a character so I was wondering…I hear stories about stuff pre-Iliad and during the war. Like Odysseus pretending to be mad or stabbing Diomedes. Where do I find these stories?

Also if you don’t mind me asking what’s your opinion on Odysseus’ character change in stories besides Homer’s? How do you handle it as a writer yourself when you portray Odysseus?

Hello!

My, oh, my! Calling me an "expert" is definitely a stretch! You are the most kind. It is true that I have a degree and a post-graduate degree in archeology but I have to admit that I have a lot of dusting off to do in my knowledge in regards to many different sources and asks like yours allow me all the more to research and better myself! So thank you both for the compliment and the opportunity to answer this question!

[Warning for a long text. Please bear with me! ^_^]

It is true that stories of pre-Iliad are rescued more from post-homeric sources (which makes sense given that many researchers actually point at Homer as the oldest known source for epics even than Hesiod, although th discussion is still going on). The only pre-Iliad events we actually know in regards to Odysseus from Homer is his naming from his father Autolycus in Rhapsody/Book 19, his scar from the boar and his trip to Messina in which he receives his infamous bow as a gift.

A large number of works in regards to Odysseus come from sources such as the Epic Cycle, which is the closest we have to the epic tradition however there is a large number of sources coming from Romans such as Pausanias (who mentions how Odysseus takes Penelope as a wife) but most of all Higenius and Pseudo-Appolodorus. There are others sources as well but mostly come from entertainment department such as the theatrical writers of 5th century BC such as Eurypedes who use the events of the myths to create their dramas. By n large I tend to separate those because they are just for entertainment reasons (pretty much like the...adaptations from nowadays! Hahaha although those are valid interpretations as well)

A large number of stories that show Odysseus as the most devious and scheming fellow come from roman sources. No surprise there that his fake madness story comes mainly from Higenius, Fabulae (which is also the writer who mentions the story of how Odysseus frames Palamedes for treason to get back at him for unmasking his scheme). The story of him trying to stab Diomedes at the back seems to be mostly apparent in later roman times historians and researchers. More specific I find more reference for the augustian times writer Conon, who claims that Odysseus tried to stab Diomedes in the back in order to take the full credit for the stealing of the Paladium of Athena. Diomedes sees the shadow of his sword reflected by the moonlight and repels Odysseus. This event apparently seems to be giving the name to a proverb that we call "Diomedes's necessity" (διομήδεια ανάγκη) which basically means that you do something unpleasant because you have no choice (given that Diomedes knew that Odysseus was essential for the taking of Troy he didn't try to injure him back even if Odysseus backstabbed him)

By n large the wave of anti-Odysseus narrative did start by many of the classical greek plays because they wanted to create propaganda for the straightforward battle, something that Odysseus didn't always stand for but it definitely skyrocketed with Virgil's Aenead, in which Odysseus is more often whatnot referred to as "cruel" or "deceitful" and he is depicted more or less as a villain. And as we see from sources like Higenius, Odysseus keeps being pretty much a shady till villanious figure in many roman texts mainly because of his connection to Troy since he took Troy with trickery and from Troy escaped Aeneas, the mythological progenitor of Rome (aka Odysseus is a villain for roman literature because he took their origin city from them)

Well I believe you can read and study these stories to your local libraries but if you do not have much time I would suggest you the site that I often use to see the original texts called perseus.tufts . It is a very useful site that has most of classics even in the native tongue and you can also research names and terms and find them faster through the site. It often has some useful commentary as well.

***

If I mind?! I am honored when people ask my inspiration! ^_^

Well in my humble opinion I think Homer's Odysseus is the most solid Odysseus. I do see both his good and his bad side and we can see that despite the fact he is undoubtedly the hero, he is also deeply flawed and one can both relate to him but also critisize him for what he does. Now for the rest of the stories I believe we must take some of them with a grain of salt depending on what the poem or work was about. For example using Eurypedes's plays to make an assumption about Odysseus's saga seems to me equivalent on using Shakespere to learn about King Richard or James Cameron to learn about American history. One can recognize the creators' research but in the end of the day dramas are plays that are supposed to cause emotions to the audience for their pleasure (which ironically was also what the homeric poems originally were) so certain details on characters' personalties might have been over-sensationalized for the sakes of dramatics or pass the messages they wanted to pass.

Given that in antiquity greeks used Homer almost like a sole reference for these characters means that they might as well used the homeric poems as their initial stop and enriched it with local traditions in regards to the characters as well as their personal tastes. This can be apparent for example in differences such as that Homer initially wrote that Calypso was forcing herself on Odysseus and yet Hesiod says "they made sweet love", possibly taking over from one or two lines from Homer's work (I had made a small analysis on those in the past). There are also other epics such as Telegony that straight out contradict major points of the Odyssey making many people even here saying that "telegony is not canon" and I agree on the take that yes is a completely different story than the line Homer created, even if it does seem taking the story from where Homer left it.

It is hard to pintpoint how much Homer changed to make his Odysseus and how much of his poems are his invention and how much was the oral traditions he undoubtedly gathered to create his poems so it is hard to tell which accounts of Odysseus were accurate to depict him as cruel and which were not. But I tend to side with Homer's writing given that Homer didn't spare his audience from Odysseus's tendency to cruelty or violence, starting from the beating of Thersytes in Iliad till the murder of the suitors and his preparation for a war with the nobles of the Cephallinians in the Odyssey. It is this lack of overexaggeration on Homer's part which still doesn't sugar-cot his hero's flaws that make me side with his interpretation.

Now as you might have noticed from my own stories (which you can find to my pinned post here if you ever were to honor me with your insight on them!) I mostly use Homer as my source but I do like to selectively read some of the post-homeric sources and pick those that fit the most with the narrative I assume aligns more with Homer. For example in both my story "Guilt" as well in my one-shot "Screams and Shadows in the Night", I use Pausanias as a source for Palamedes's death with the fishing expedition assuming that Odysseus wouldn't risk his own skin to get caught just to frame someone else 10 whole years after Palamedes revealed him as sane. I would imagine more that Odysseus on impulse would push Palamedes in the water and then just let him drown so that he wouldn't get caught along with the personal grudge against him rather than him building an elaborate scheme for him like that. That is because I saw in the Odyssey a guy that seems to be pretty straightforward when it comes to his vengeance (see the suitors) to which he took his time trying to be as just as possible giving the chance on some people to repent on their sins and save their lives.

Maybe I am way too...prejudiced with Odyssey and Iliad but as a general rule I try to read the post-homeric sources and try to analyze which of the actions ellegedly portrayed by Odysseus would have aligned with the spirit of Homer so I try to pick some of those that suit that same line. I hope that makes sense!

Forgive me for the extra long reply and thank you so much for the amazing question! I will have to research some more on that department! I hope in the future to be able to become more specific! Thank you again!

[tom-whore-dleston]

(moodboard or fic or whatever you’re feeling up to bby)

i crave seeing this man be put in situations you wouldn’t automatically think to put him in, so give me frat boy!adam warlock who only joined because his parents made him, ya know legacy and all that + the philosophy student who is the opposite of someone you’d ever see at a frat but gets roped into helping him pass a class!

Creations: select a hottie + scenario/AU/trope/prompt** and I will a playlist/moodboard/fic (please specify the creation you are requesting)

join the celebration!

hjasfghjkdhga now hold on bc fratboy!Adam sounds so hot I'd drop the last bit of my morals for 24 hours with him 😩 I have a million headcanons running thru my mind rn so we'll start off with some light appetizers 😜 sorry this took a million years to write and that its so frickin long 😭

First and foremost, Adam wears crop tops and short shorts unironically and he fuckin ROCKS them! All the other frat boys don't look as good as him

He also wears gold chains bc why tf not

His parents met in the partnering fraternity and sorority that did charities and events. They then got married and had Adam straight out of college. Since the birth of Adam, his parents had it set in stone that he would work hard to attend the same university and join the same fraternity as his father.

As an underclassman, Adam genuinely enjoyed the frat life. His parents were proud of him. He was dating Gamora, the most popular girl in the sorority and of course another legacy. He was basically set to become president of the fraternity by his senior year.

At the beginning of his junior year, his whole world flipped upside down. His father died suddenly, and Ayesha was having a hard time grieving. On top of that, Gamora left Adam for Peter Quill, current president and Adam's arch nemesis.

All this caused Adam's straight A's turn to straight D's. With Quill as president, he threatened to kick Adam out the fraternity if he didn't bring his grades up.

And this is where you come in.

You are the top student in yours and Adam's philosophy class. It kinda helps that you are a philosophy major and always leading discussions during lectures. All your classmates were annoyed of you talking the professor's ears off, except for Adam. Without anyone's knowledge, he would jot down your talking points in case they would be useful in the future.

After the second exam of the semester, he finally approaches you after class, asking you to tutor him. Without hesitation, you agree, mainly because you have always seen him in your classes and found him attractive.

During your study sessions, you both got to know one another, realizing you have more in common with each other than Adam did with Gamora. He eventually confesses to you that he didn't care all that much about the frat life and he willingly agreed to rush because of his parents. You reveal to him that your parents practically disowned you after going to a college away from home and majoring in anything outside of law or medicine. You and Adam almost shared a kiss that night. That was until your best friend and Gamora's step sister, Nebula, came home from work.

Adam invites you to one of his frat parties where you're stuck to his hip the whole time. A drunk Quill encounters Adam, constantly harassing you throughout the night. Fed up with Quill's antics, Adam and you finally leave.

That was until Quill said, "Once you get tired of Adam's dumbass, you know where to find me. It won't be the first time a girl realized I'm ten times the man Adam Warlock will ever be."

Adam was ready to beat his ass, but you pushed him to the side, strutting towards Quill and back-handed slapped him across the face, sending him to the floor. You stoop down to Quill's level, muttering through gritted teeth, "You're right. Adam will never be you because he isn't some scumbag like you." Then, you took someone's cup of beer and poured it all over Quill before leaving with Adam.

As Adam was dropping you off at your apartment, he pulled you into a heated kiss and thanked you for standing up for him. When you shut the door behind you, you did a happy dance which Nebula caught you in the middle of. This, then led to you both staying up the rest of the night to spill the details of the party until you and Adam kissed.

Next week in class, Adam surprised you with your usual coffee order from the cafe on campus. On the coffee cup, there was a message that wrote:

"Dinner and movie at 7? I could use a study break :)"

Your face was warm from smiling so hard. You couldn't wait to finally go on a real date with Adam and neither could he.

Adam showed up to your apartment with a bouquet of flowers. You had to do a double take because it was the first time you haven't seen Adam wearing shorts and a crop top. He wore a buttoned shirt with jeans and his hair was neatly combed back.

"What happened? Did you run out of shirts that show off your abs?" You joked, leading to Adam picking you up and spinning you in the air before kissing you sweetly.

"Gotta look nice for my girl, you know."

You raise an eyebrow, taking the bouquet from him. "Your girl?" You curled your lips inward to hide the goofy smile on your face.

"Is it okay if I call you that?"

"Only if it's okay for me to call you my boy."

The date proceeds and it consists of a lot of hand holding, kissing, and you laying your head on Adam's shoulder. At the end of the date, it was obvious neither of you wanted it to end. While making out in his car, Adam reached for the bottom of your shirt, trying to pull it over your head until you stopped him.

Adam's face was full of concern. "I'm sorry, I should have asked if you were okay with this. I don't want you to think-"

You interrupted him by pressing your lips to his. "Don't worry, Adam. You didn't do anything wrong." You looked over at the window of your apartment, realizing no light came from inside. "Do you want to come inside? Nebula is most likely out for the rest of the night."

With that, Adam followed you into your apartment. You two barely made it into the bedroom before your hands and lips were all over one another. You fucked on the sofa before moving to the bedroom to cuddle.

As you were dozing off, Adam whispered, "I think I'm gonna quit the frat."

Now you were wide awake. "Why? I thought you loved it."

"For a while I did. I felt like I had to care for my parents. Now that we are halfway through junior year, none of that matters anymore." Adam paused to move your hair out of your face. "Besides, I'm thinking about applying to work at the cafe. My girl deserves all the free coffee I can make her for the rest of our college years."

"You are the sweetest." You kissed Adam on his forehead. "Whatever you want to do, I'll support you along the way."

[persephoneprice]

lily, please elaborate on your clemmie and lyssie post 😔🙏🏽

i know i did this to myself but i’m actually nervous to write this out because i don’t think anyone is going to agree with me but here i go!

before i start- i do want to clarify that i love both characters and this is in no way me hating on clemmie or implying that lysistrata is perfect! clemmie is miles ahead in terms of being caring versus her peers.

however, i do not see clemensia as a truly good, kind person. (again, this is all my personal interpretation and i could be way off!)

a few things stick out to me about clemensia that make me feel this way (pre-snake bite, obviously! def unfair to hold post snake-bite against her).

the first example is when they are discussing how to force people to watch the games.

clemensia says-

“The real problem is, it’s sickening to watch”

lysistrata says-

“Most of us don’t want to watch other people suffer.”

to me, i see this as lysistrata acknowledging and putting focus on the children suffering- where clemmie focuses mainly on how it makes her feel to watch.

clemensia also talks about her first meeting with reaper-

“Mine wouldn’t speak. Not a word”

not horrible by any means- but it still feels lacking in empathy (and not great that she referred to reaper as ‘hers’).

another example that comes to mind is when clemmie and coriolanus are discussing the games after arachne death and she says this-

“Yes, or make them Avoxes, or something,” said Clemensia. “It’s awful, but not as bad as the arena. I mean, I’d rather be alive without a tongue than dead, wouldn’t you?”

this isn’t a bad thing necessarily! but to me, i see it as misguided and failing to actually put herself in the shoes of these children and sort of failing to have genuine empathy.

another example is regarding iphigenia-

“Clemensia had once told Coriolanus it was the only revenge she could take on her father, but refused to give any more details.”

again, miles ahead of most of her peers because she refused to elaborate further but i believe that exposing that to coriolanus at all was a deeply unkind thing to do.

and then here are some examples where i see lysistrata displaying kindness (though i’m aware that it may be unfair to bring up things lysistrata did during the games bc clem didn’t get the same chance to bond with reaper!)

she makes the effort to help jessup even before he protects her in the bombing-

she’d apparently been working hard to connect with Jessup “I brought you some cream for your neck,”

she is grateful to jessup after he protects her instead of just assuming that her life is worth more. she’s also willing to speak out and tell everyone this despite knowing how people view district citizens.

“She’s going around saying that big, ugly boy from District Twelve protected her by throwing his body over her, but who knows? The Vickers family loves the spotlight.”

it’s also worth noting that coriolanus follows this up by saying he’s never seen a vickers trying to claim the spotlight.

she also says this-

“And who wouldn’t rather be the victor than the defeated?”

“I don’t know that I have much interest in being either,” said Lysistrata.”

which i think is very decent considering she lived through the war just as much as her classmates.

she displays empathy and understanding for dill & reaper when her classmates do not-

“Isn’t he the one who promised to kill all the others?” asked Pup.

“Doesn’t look so tough to me,” said Urban.”

“She’s his district partner,” said Lysistrata. “And she’s almost dead now. Tuberculosis, probably.”

she’s also quick to call out her classmates during the games-

“Like musical chairs,” said Domitia with a pleased look.

“But with people dying,” said Lysistrata.”

when jessup has rabies and is chasing lucy gray-

“If Jessup can’t win, I want Lucy Gray to. That’s what he’d want. And she can’t win if he kills her,” she said. “Which might happen anyway.”

to me, this shows that she has been able to empathize and understand who jessup is as a person.

also while other classmates display anger or frustration at losing the prize she says this-

“Coriolanus could barely hear Lysistrata whisper, “Oh, don’t let him die alone.”

because she cares about jessup. she also sends food to lucy gray directly after that.

and of course there’s this interaction which i think speaks for itself-

“I do.” She took a deep breath. “What I’d like people to know about Jessup is that he was a good person. He threw his body over mine to protect me when the bombs started going off in the arena. It wasn’t even conscious. He did it reflexively. That’s who he was at heart. A protector. I don’t think he would’ve ever won the Games, because he’d have died trying to protect Lucy Gray.”

“Oh, like a dog or something.” Lepidus nodded. “A really good one.”

“No, not like a dog. Like a human being,” said Lysistrata.”

but the fact that she firmly and openly asserted his humanity in front of the entire capitol essentially is massive to me.

and of course there’s the fact that she had been nice to sejanus-

“Snow had invited Festus and Lysistrata to join the party, as they’d liked Sejanus better than most of his classmates and could be counted on to say nice things.”

of course this is all rambling that doesn’t actually answer the question but i feel like it was important to try to explain why i saw them as slightly different.

essentially i think my thoughts on kind vs nice can be summed up by this quote-

Niceness, then, is often expressed through words or gestures, while kindness is often expressed through acts.

and lysistrata proved repeatedly that she is willing to act by speaking up consistently despite how taboo it is in the capitol. whereas i don’t view clemensia as someone who would be as willing to directly assert a district citizens humanity so publicly (again, my own personal interpretation.).

because of this- i believe lysistrata is a lot more likely to get herself in trouble quicker by opening her mouth and sticking up for the district citizens, especially after this experience. whereas i do not think clemensia would be as likely to risk her safety to do so.

[bluebellowl]

How do you stay so consistent with your art? I am in awe of it

Do you mean in terms of art style or consistency in publishing art?

A consistent art style just comes from drawing something a lot of times. My Submas folder is currently at 207 pieces. You didn't get to see all of them.

My consistent posting just comes from me having drawn submas art half a year prior to me actually publishing it, so I had an insane backlog. That and I draw a lot in my free time, like a LOT and it's usually whatever worm is currently living in my brain.

With that said, my queue is almost out, and I've had a bit of an artblock lately, mainly bc I've been crunching my graduation project and didn't have much of a head for rping or plot discussions, which is where most of my inspiration comes from.

So yeah there might actually be a break in my uploads soon.

Hope that answers your question, have a lovely day :)

[messrsrobyn]

Ok nobody I’ve asked seems to give me a direct answer so I figured I’d just voice all my concerns with you? You don’t have to answer everything 😭😭

When it comes to fandom friends how do you move from just being moots to being friend friends? I saw a video you made about it when somebody had asked you a similar question but I’m really struggling with getting them to feel like friends and not just random accounts in my phone.

I’ve seen videos people have made and you guys are sharing jokes in the comments. I saw video of 3 girls that said “Us when anyone hates on mesrsrobyn” and you said like “Fan behaviour” which obviously shows that you’re actually their friend and you’re just teasing them.

Also how do you find people who are ok with you not responding all the time (😭😭😭) I’m just genuinely not active very much on any forms of social media. I was in a marauders gc and I was really happy thinking I was gonna make fandom friends but because I wasn’t active all the time they had a bunch of inside jokes I didn’t get and I kinda felt like an outsider.

Most of the people I see you interacting with online seem really cool and fun, so I’m just wondering where to find people like that. Just genuinely from posting?

I’m sure I’ve worded all this so strangely but honestly I’m sad because I’ve been in this fandom for 3 years in November and I have made no real lasting friendships. I feel like you yapping so much LOL

IK THE VIDEO 😭 my besties yup !!

this is long so i'm putting the lil dashy line thingy

i have v limited advice actually bc i don't think i've initiated many of my friendships in fandom?? despite how little i stfu, i'm a shyyy person. i get scared to text first.

my BIGGEST bit of advice is take. it. off. the. app.

i try to get discords mainly (bc i use it most) but once you take it off of tiktok or wherever you met it feels so much less like mutuals. like yes, we met in fandom but now we are discussing our plans for the day and getting to know each other as Robyn not Messrsrobyn.

i made most of my friends from posting !! i made my account as a whole to meet people and (ive been flagging a bit recently actually but) i always try to reply to EVERYONEEE. so most of my friends were just people that commented that i replied to, their name kept popping up in my notifs? boom. friends. one of them said they loved crimson rivers so next time i found an edit i sent it to them.

ALSO !! i'm so bad at replying.

servers im more active in i think, but just... dms? not very good at all. anyone that doesn't respect that or gets mad? 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ i dont want them as a friend.

like it's frustrating i know! i hate the amount of lil red bubbles i have on every single app but it doesn't mean i value my friends any less and they all know that <3 we don't always have the time or capacity to reply and that's okie.

i tend to get it out the way immediately and test the waters. just a lil "btw i'm really sorry for my reply times! i'm not the best at it but feel free to double text me as much as you want" and always make sure that i follow up on everything that's been said whilst i wasn't replying.

im rambling a bit i fear but the right friends won't get mad at it, or make you feel less important bc of it. it might just take some time to find them but You Will.

i feel like i havent actually given much advice?? i'm genuinely so so so lucky to have found the friends that i have but i did nothing. i think i said in a few of my tiktoks rightttt at the beginning that my dms were open for friends and then i think? hope? that i've kept that energy going of like someone that anyone can message and i'll get back to them (at some point 😭 my tiktok dms are a mess but thats an issue for future robyn) so i've been able to just sit back and naturally find them.

i live by the motto of "the worst they can do is not reply" every time i send a comment or dm to a new person

we're all just losers reading fanfiction !! we all want lil friends to talk to about it so interaction and reaching out gives us that BUT it's the taking it off of the app that takes it from mutuals to friends imo.

this is UNNECESSARILY LONG omg. i never know how to answer these ones but i hope it helps a lil? <3 social interaction is NOT my finest point. potentially my worst i fear.

[livestock-and-bibles]

VERY curious about ur mouthwashing thoughts but also it’s been a while since ive seen the game so ive gotta rewatch a playthru augh

There’s a couple of reasons as to why I don’t have much interest in the game!!

1. Gameplay

I honestly cannot stand this new trend of horror games that are just the player talking to people, walking around, occasionally finding an object. I dislike this in the game Bad Parenting also. I’m like. Why does this have to be game? There’s no gameplays so what’s the point? I think it would’ve been more enjoyable as a novel or an animated series with the graphics it already has! It would be very striking. So yeah I find the actual gameplay very dull. Also the controls look really wonky from when I watched gameplay of it

2. Characters

I found myself not really caring too deeply about anyone? Like Curly is okay I guess, I like his design and the disability theming but his actual personality is so meh to me. Jimmy has potential but it never really explains why is inferiority complex is so deep so I’m just like ??? Barely any of the characters ever get and of their backstory or family life discussed except for Daisuke and Swansea but even then it’s very little (but those two are my favourite characters and I have very little criticism for them lol. They carried the game). I have so much hatred in my heart for the way they wrote Anya. It just feels so misogynistic to me. Like ofc the only woman on the crew has the rape as backstory + pregnancy plot. I’ve never seen that before /s. I’m just so tired of that being the only plot line women get in horror media. I understand the pregnancy is supposed to parallel with Curly’s disability but it’s still a very tired trope. Also her design is clearly ripped off of Wendy Torrance from The Shining lmao. There’s also a lot of other design elements that are kind of ripped off from Evangelion (the text on screen resembles the the title cards, Curly post accident resembles an Eva, etc.) so I just don’t really care about most of the characters and their relationships except for Daisuke and Swansea, and they don’t get enough screen time anyway lol

3. Plot

Most of the base plot is pretty good and interesting. It’s a solid premise. But I feel as though it’s kind of meandering until you get to the big twists. I was just watching like. When are we getting to the meat of the story. I do like the dual / non linear narrative, that’s always fun. Definitely some enjoyment was lost just bc I saw spoilers online, but I think a game is pretty weak if it’s enjoyment is completely lost because of spoilers, like I replay The Dark Descent all the time even though I know the ending because the story is that strong and the gameplay is fun. That’s where the game kind of suffers because the gameplay is so weak. Also I think the ending was kind of dragged out. I was watching the playthrough and I was just sitting there like. When will this be over. I get it Jimmy is terrible. We do not need five more scenes about this. There are some really fun moments though, like when he eats Curly’s leg or when Swansea mercy kills Daisuke (That’s always a trope I love) Though those are the only scenes I can remember where I was genuinely enjoying the game.

Overall I feel that the game was more style over substance, and a lot of it just wasn’t really my cup of tea when it comes to games. Don’t even get me started on how the fandoms seems to ignore Swansea (an old fat guy) and Daisuke (the only person of colour). Like y’all’s ageism, fatphobia, and racism is really showing guys. I see how y’all favour the white, conventionally attractive characters over these two,

I really wanted to enjoy the game. I really did. But alas. It just wasn’t really my vibe when it comes to horror games and I can be picky so it’s not to say that my opinion is the only correct one, it’s just how I feel. It was mainly the gameplay that I had a problem with, I just can’t get into walking simulator games lol

[dedicatednotobsessed]

Hi there! Thank you for your works🥰

Can you maybe write something (if you are okay with RPF ofc) where Reader is a new actress who's taking part in season 2 filming and she likes Ewan, and he is nice to her but kinda closed off (bc we all now he likes to keep private). And they go to some kind of party with all cast and crew and she sees him being comfortable and open with Phia, and gets really upset. But in the end, it turns out that they are just friends and he was asking Phia for some advice coz he also likes Reader. Just some angst with fluff pls? 🙏

Of course! I’m glad you enjoy my works and for more HOTD actor/character one shot requests, feel free to submit them through my ask box. 💚

Alys Rivers [Ewan Mitchell x Fem!Reader]

Summary: You got casted as Alys Rivers, also known as Aemond Targaryen’s love interest. As you continue to work with Ewan, you become close with him but you couldn’t help but wonder that he doesn’t really like you because of how closed off he seems from you. However you learn the truth at a party….

You smiled while pushing back a strand of the dark haired wig as they set up the scene on the Harrenhal set. You were a little nervous joining the cast of House of the Dragon, but everyone seemed to be so friendly and welcome you with open arms.

You were playing the role of Alys Rivers, the bastard daughter to Lord Lyonel Strong and the love interest to Prince Aemond Targaryen. You honestly didn’t think you were going to get the role but after reading the book and studying the character, you were confident.

“Hey,” You greeted with a small smile seeing Ewan coming over in his Aemond get up, donned with the black and gold armor from the book and his signature eyepatch.

Ewan returned your smile and looked down. He always seemed to have that nervous little tick and you found it absolutely adorable. He nodded a bit in response and looked over when the director walked over to describe the upcoming scene.

You enjoyed having most of your scenes with Ewan, knowing there were to be more in the upcoming seasons as well. He was a wonderful actor, although he always seemed a bit put off by you. He was friendly, but he rarely spoke around you. You have gotten him to open up a few times and you enjoyed his company though.

“Hey!” You heard a familiar voice call once the director left you and Ewan alone.

You turned and smiled, waving at the sight of Tom and Phia, already dressed as Aegon and Helaena for the day. "Hey, guys!"

"So, I don't know if our cute little Ewan here," Tom began, wrapping an arm around Ewan's shoulders who chuckled. "But we are going out tonight for a little cast party and we would love for you to come. Mainly because you support the Green cause of course."

You giggled, copying Tom by wrapping an arm around Phia. The two of you were close although you had no scenes together. She was always cheery and outgoing and you knew you could count on her if you needed anything.

"Well, I would do anything for the Green cause," You replied with a small smirk.

"Yay!" Phia exclaimed with a giggle passing her lips as she wrapped both of her arms around you. "Let me come and pick you up tonight, okay?"

You smiled and nodded, your eyes wandering over to Ewan, Tom's arm still around him. "Seven sounds good."

Tom smirked and looked up at Ewan as you and Phia walked away for a bit to discuss about tonight. "Are you ever going to open up to her, Mitchell?"

Ewan smiled, letting his eye wander over you while your back was turned before he blew out a breath. "Eventually."

"You are never going to get her if you can't get past small talk," He teased and laughed when Ewan pushed him.

"Shut up," Ewan replied laughing before he let out a breath, looking back over to you with furrowed brows.

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“Do I look okay?”

Phia looked over as she fixed her blue top with a small smile. "You look beautiful as always," She replied before tilting her head. "You look a little nervous, trying to impress anyone?" She asked with a slightly taunting tone to her voice.

You rolled your eyes but you couldn't help the blush that was creeping onto your cheeks. "I'm not trying to impress anyone," You replied a bit sheepishly while you looked back in the mirror to fix your hair.

Phia smirked lightly and let out a small hum. "Whatever you say, Y/N."

You looked over at her noticing the knowing look she had on her features. You thought you were good when it came to hiding your feelings for Ewan, although you couldn't help but think he doesn't really like you. The two of you were the only ones that seemed to be oblivious to each other's feelings, not even realizing that Tom and Phia were trying to play matchmaker.

"Come on," You said taking your jacket with a small laugh. "We're going to be late."

"You know what they say," Phia began hooking her arm with yours. "Only the best show up fashionably late."

The party seemed lively by the time you and Phia showed up. Your eyes scanned the scene noticing how everyone was mingling although the butterflies erupted in your stomach as soon as you saw Ewan standing with Tom. Ewan always had that effect on you.

Phia smirked as she looked over you noticing where your eyes were wandering. "Why don't we go and say hi to the boys?" She offered, nudging you a bit.

You snapped back into reality while you looked back at your friend. You smiled and shook your head. "I'm going to go get a drink. Do you want anything?"

Phia slowly nodded with a small smile. "I'm okay. Go and get a drink then we'll meet up."

You nodded while blowing out a breath as you watched her make her way over to the boys. You couldn't help but furrow your brows at the way Ewan's face lit up when Phia walked over and pulled her into a hug. He seemed so happy with her. You shook off the nerves and took a deep breath while heading over to the bar to get yourself a margarita.

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As the night went on, you stayed in a corner a bit quiet. You were shy around everyone even if they accepted you with open arms. You couldn’t help but keep looking over at Ewan who seemed deep in conversation with Phia. Of course they were comfortable with each other, having worked together on the last season. You were new and still getting to know everyone.

“Everything okay?”

You jumped slightly seeing Tom next to you. “Oh my god, you scared me.”

Tom chuckled while wrapping an arm around you. “I’m like a ninja,” He said with a wink before sighing softly. “You just looked lonely, love. Besides, you won’t stop looking at Ewan all night.”

You felt your cheeks heat up and looked down with furrowed brows. “Is it that obvious?”

“Very,” Tom replied with a small smile. “You think you hide the looks you give him but it’s so very obvious.” He laughed when your cheeks became redder. “Why don’t you go and talk to him?”

“Because.” You groaned a bit. “It’s not easy to just talk to someone that you have feelings for.”

“Oh, come on. You two are going to have a bedroom scene together. Why not practice now?” He teased and laughed when you hit his chest. “I mean, you never know his feelings until you talk to him.”

You frowned a bit. “But, him and Phia clearly seem comfortable with each other.”

Tom chuckled a bit at the slight tone of jealousy in your voice. “Just go and give it a shot, Y/N.”

You sighed looking up at the blonde man before slowly nodding. You began to walk over with Tom, smiling at the two.

“You can do it,” You heard Phia whisper to Ewan causing you to furrow your brows.

Ewan let out a nervous sigh while looking over at you. “Y/N…I was wondering….” He began looking down at his hands. “I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date with me. I just…I really like you and I want to get to know you better….” He began to ramble looking back up at you.

You smiled lightly, finding his rambling to be adorable. You nodded while taking his hands in yours. “I would love to,” You said feeling the butterflies in your stomach fluttering around.

Ewan returned your smile. “Great! How about…next Saturday at seven?”

“Sounds like a date,” You replied and giggled when Phia and Tom erupted in cheers. You couldn’t help but blush wondering what this could lead to between you and your costar.

[tonydaddingham]

i'm going into blathering oaf mode which i need to type out because otherwise i will literally sit and stare at a blank wall full monkey cymbals instead of doing work that, ya know, pays the bills

buckle up, i think ur going to want to read this one (and if not obvious by the Read More, spoilers ahead)

right im watching s1 again because it is literally my comfort show and i will have it on in the background whilst im working

and im on Hard Times (ep3) and it's just got to the You Go Too Fast for me Crowley scene which obviously HEARTBREAKING

but it just suddenly occurred to me - when we leave the 1941 scene, it feels like the metaphorical ice has been broken and they've like non-verbally agreed to let go of the Holy Water Tantrum

and on top of that we see aziraphale realise he's in love with crowley, and THEN we see the dinner scene in the s2 trailer like solidifies that theyre all cosy and bashful and intimate and seem to have certainly forgotten the whole argument

BUT THEN we get to the 60s scene. and suddenly there's atmosphere. there's suddenly tension. it's awkward and cold and almost a bit nasty. and there is absolutely no reason for it, if you judge only on the linear events given to us in ep3

(EDIT: i watched it again last night and the only other reason i can think of for az being such an arse is that he found out about the robbery by hearsay and not directly from crowley which ok yeah is plausible absolutely and probably the reason for all of it but sOMETHING in my hind brain is just nagging at me that it's more than that so i stand by the following musing....... you may proceed)

what the fuCK happens in that dinner scene??? what in the last circle of hELL prompts az to come up with the "you go too fast for me Crowley" line????

because im telling ya, im betting my last vestige of sanity, that it is NOT the holy water thing

im fairly certain that there's going to be a discussion of the holy water thing in the dinner scene, i think that's a given - when you take into account that az's gut reaction to Crowley asking for holy water was to refuse him because ✨IT WOULD KILL CROWLEY✨, i think that is going to be discussed in that dinner scene

but

BUT.

ahem

i full pussy, honestly and truly (but absolutely fine if im proven wrong), will die by this BELIEVE that there's going to be an a love confession of Some Sort from one of them

Let's face it ---- probably from crowley ("why did you save my books?" "...")

in this scene.

going a step beyond that, i even think there might be a move made from crowley (not The Kiss, mainly because the costume/hair doesn't match but also doesn't seem like the right one) but like maybe he leans in or crowds into az a little too close in this dinner scene and it's going to absolutely scare the beejesus out of az

HE. 💔 GOES. 💔 TOO. 💔 FAST. 💔

like az has literally just realised he feels something that, let's be real, he SHOULD NOT feel bc a) he's an angel and b) crowley is a demon.

but then crowley alludes to having feelings for az? possibly suggest to him that he has for ThousANDS of years???? and that he saved his books because he knew it was important to az????????

nopenopenope toO FAST BOY

az is an angel. opposite side to crowley. literally challenges everything az believes about being an angel and belonging to heaven. this could mean he falls. nopenopenope. too fast.

this is literally the onLY reason i can think of that would result in what appears to be a lovely cute scene, where az is quite blatantly moon eyeing crowley over a bottle of chateau, but immediately swings 30 years later to being cold and distant and "You Go Too Fast for me Crowley"

i will live and die by this, so help me god

and now....... discuss