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heymeowmao · 24 days ago

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2025.01.09 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321325120965813338194

LYN: A lot of you are spamming ”Happy Birthday” and I want to say that my birthday has already passed! But I saw you sending me well wishes and I came across the video for the fan-support from all around the country, so I want to say Thank You and it was very thoughtful. LYN: When I got off the plane earlier, someone gave me a plane ticket from Beijing. I think my picture was printed on the back of it? They wanted me to be able to keep it as a souvenir.

C: You look thin. I’ll go make something for you to eat. LYN: Thank you, but… I’ll order takeout. If you have the ability to cook, just make something nice for yourself instead.

- chat is reporting how many days/years they’ve “won the lottery” (been a LYN fan) and how they got here

LYN: I know a lot of you got together on my birthday and had fun together. One of the things that makes me happy is that, because of me, you’ve made friends with one another. I like that you can get together- even without me- and have fun.

C: Ning-ge, when will you stop streaming? LYN: Someone has to ask me this every single time. I just started streaming, and they ask when I will stop. This is like if you’ve just had your grand opening for a restaurant and someone asks you when you’re going to get shutdown. Wouldn’t you beat them up? LYN: I’m sure though, that the intent was that I stream for longer. “I have something to do right now, but I’ll come back to watch you later. Don’t leave.” ← That’s what I like to think, at least.

8:07 - let his intrusive thoughts win; played the song associated w/ “紫啧” (zi ze; “sister”) bc someone typed it into the chat

10:20 - compliments a student-fan for going to dinner after a gathering and insisting on paying for her own portion of the meal instead of letting the older jiejies (who have a stable job) pay for her, bc LYN had told fans that they shouldn’t owe or borrow money from each other, or take advantage of one another. LYN: I was wondering, if I was ever in such a situation, would I have just quietly said, “Thank you, zhi ze!”? I don’t know! I don’t know how I would respond, because it’s never happened to me. / In my heart, this student’s integrity is already much higher than my own. XD - he HAS paid for fans’ meals before, though! ; LYN: I look stingy, but I’m actually very generous!

15:50 C: Ning-ge, explain your clothes from All Star Night. LYN: What’s wrong with it? Are you talking about the lace inside the suit jacket? Or the pants? That’s just how the designer paired it- I just wore the outfit as-is. That’s nothing. It’s very normal. LYN: I told you in the group chat- that I wanted to work myself harder in 2025. That’s the plan, since I set a goal for myself every year. I’ve counted and this will be the sixth year since my debut- which is terrifying. It’s the sixth year and it’s a cycle. I’ve experienced, seen, discovered, and gained a lot of things while in this industry. These six years have accumulated and I want it to settle, absorb, and categorize so that this year I can start with a refreshed mindset. I want to face everything with yearning and the respect it deserves. For my activities, I hope to do better in regard to my performance, my appearance, and just overall what I bring to the table. LYN: This year I want to upgrade my wardrobe- unlike last year, which was mostly all suits- but even if I am just wearing a suit, I want to bring something new in terms of pairing or style. You don’t have to think too much to pass judgement. It’s just that you might not be accustomed to seeing it- like a suit jacket paired with jeans. I’m trying it out. It’s a style. I hope you can accept what comes. This also applies to my hair and makeup- there will be more visible changes and I hope you find it new. I also want to have a breakthrough from how I’ve appeared in the past. LYN: I want to change. I want to challenge myself. I want to try the experience. I hope you can accompany me and bear witness to each new change.

21:34 C: Lao-da, your Livestream King title is safe. LYN: Yes, I saw that Weibo did some statistics on my 2024 livestreams. I didn’t know but- I’ve only streamed 19 times in 2024? Then why am I always seeing people comment that I have nothing better to do than to stream and spout nonesense everyday?? I only streamed 19 times. There are 365 days in a year and I only streamed 19 times. And people are hating on me for “streaming every day”? Maybe there’s just a lot of content, so it only FEELS long? But in reality I only streamed 19 times- is that a lot? After I saw that number, I suddenly feel a little ashamed. I’d been doing so many over the years, but last year I had so few. I’ll do my best to stream over 16 times this year.

23:40 - Daimi time!

26:14 C: Ning-ge, I had a daughter. LYN: …What are you telling me for? // Just kidding, congrats! C: Because you don’t have one. LYN: They’re trying to make me angry, because they have a daughter and I don’t?? No, they’re just trying to share their joy. - LYN: !! There’s no need. I said they’re trying to make me angry because they have a daughter and I don’t, and I can’t believe someone actually typed into the chat: “爸爸” (Father). You don’t need to be so respectful. Go away. LYN: I do feel like I should be a dad at my age, but you don’t need to play that game with me. Control yourself. The only thing I’m thinking is that you’re trying to trick me out of my money/inheritance.

28:15 LYN: I think it’s about high time I teach my fans a lesson again. In the early and middle days, I used to always teach my fans a lesson. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not teaching intelligence, but respect. Mutual respect. LYN: I always tell people that my fans are different from others- not to compare- but I just hope that you can be different. So that I can comfortably walk to you and accept your letters and gifts. It’s trust. In everyone else’s eyes it’s almost unbelievable- “How are LYN’s fans not throwing themselves at him?” I’m thinking, “What is there to throw yourselves at? I’m nothing.” It’s a mutual respect. We’ve always had that. BUT! There are a few things that I haven’t mentioned in a while: 1. If you’re going to wave or greet him, don’t do it while brandishing a phone/recording him as well. Also- it’d be nice if you can look at HIM and not him, through your phone screen. (It’s disrespectful.) 2. Don’t paste your phone so close to his face (at your height vs his, you’ll get his double-chin). “It looks like I don’t have any dead angles because I ONLY HAVE dead angles. You just can’t tell anymore.”

- convo gets derailed by fans taking offense to a comment abt their “average height” C: My anti-bone is 2.2m. LYN: ?_? Where is it growing out from? If you are 1.6m tall and your anti-bone is 2.2m, where are you putting it? Are you growing a tail?? Your anti-bone is 2.2m… is it coming out from your forehead? Are you a du jiao shou (獨角獸; single-horned beast)???

37:25 C: Ning-ge, can you wait for me to finish my homework before streaming? LYN: I can’t wait for you. I need to teach you a lesson: the world won’t wait for you. For anything. Another thing is: The world can lose anyone and it will still keep turning. The quicker you accept this cruel reality, you’ll be able to be much stronger when you grow up. No one in this world is willing to wait for you. Only you can chase after what you want. Okay? Do your homework and I’ll keep streaming! You can watch the playback later.

42:10 - enjoyed his time at Sunny Mood; ended up sharing the huge tanghulu with his studio staff

46:15 C: Do you want to talk about flying to save the phone on New Year’s? LYN: What’s there to say about it? You all saw what happened. They wanted to streaming phones on stage because the New Year is really intense. That’s the TV station, the director, and the artist- each are equally intense. Right now I’m speaking as your spy, who has infiltrated deeply into the entertainment circle. I’ll tell you what all these people are really thinking. No other artist will be this transparent, but 99% of artists all think the same. - TV Stations - competing for the highest views/ratings of the night. Each station will post that they have the highest views for the night. They’re all #1, but in different categories. - Directors - /skips the explanation/ - Artists - the most intense, because the New Year stage is the biggest performance of the year. Most start preparing (at least) 2 days in advance. Everyone is anticipating becoming a trending topic, so they brainstorm in advance the topic title. C: Then, why don’t you also prepare in advance? LYN: The most important point is that… if I take the photos a day in advance I’d have to pay for hair/makeup twice (for two days). If my makeup artists heard that, would they think their boss (LYN) is stingy? I’d have to pay my MUA for another day… Haven’t you noticed that I always do this- I use the same hair/makeup/outfit for one day to finish multiple jobs? XD I’m saving money, here. - the New Year’s stage make him the most nervous, especially because Jiangsu has live mics and he’s afraid of cracking and ruining the whole year.

- when he saved the phone, in that moment even he thought of himself as cool. “It was my spidey-sense.” LYN: There were some audience in the pit and from the looks on their faces I could tell that even they thought I was a little bit cool. When I had that thought, I was no longer nervous. I was actually incredibly relaxed. Not because I was full of myself! It gave me a sense of accomplishment to seamlessly recover from such a mistake on stage. My nerves practically disappeared and I was able to finish off the rest of the performance easily. So, I have to thank the incident with the phone, for making feel grounded. // I told myself I had to be calm, so that you wouldn’t feel like it was a mistake. From a tv audience perspective, they didn’t see what happened at all. Only those in attendance and watching the stream know what happened. I had to use my calm to ground the mistake, so that viewers in front of the tv could watch a complete performance. I told myself that if I could pull this off, I’d be really cool. That’s what I told myself. Do you think so, too? :)

1:03:33 C: Any comments on Blue Bird? LYN: Too thrilling. That song- omg. I’ve done a collaboration stage with quite a few people, in my opinion, and that day was with Miyavi. When I received the song I was quite happy, because I like rock music and I myself am quite… rock. I was under a lot of pressure because it’s hard to start/enter the song. The singing and track start at the same time, unlike other songs where there is an intro that leads you into the song. / Do you get what I’m saying? Many of you might not know music, so you don’t know, but I’m sure there are a few who can understand. Without a lead, this key is hard to find. There are of course, musical geniuses who have the key in their heads, but… I’ve rarely met one. - he didn’t have any notice in his in-ears for rehearsal, but they made one for him for the perf. still, it was only four beats. LYN: It was after I started singing that the unexpected came. Once I started I could relax and enjoying the stage. Even if you weren’t “rock” you had to at least pretend to be. But then! Halfway through the performance, during Ya-laoshi’s solo- he went to his knees! I was dumbfounded!! He didn’t do that during the rehearsal!!! I’m not making fun of him- I understand. When Ah-Zhuo is playing, he’s on the floor! As a singer and someone in a band, I understand. But if I performed with him more often and had seen it before, at least I would have known to expect it. My inner thoughts: “He’s on his knees! What do I do?!? Should I kneel, too? That wouldn’t be good, right?? Both of us kneeling on the stage would be awkward. What do I- But kneeling with one knee is weird, too! What do I do? Maybe I just go lower?? Make it even???” LYN: I didn’t have a guitar, so going to my knees with just a mic would have been uncomfortable. What would I even be doing there??? I didn’t have any props! Maybe I would have gone to my knees if I had at least a kazoo. But with just a mic I stood there and felt a bit foolish. I was flustered. He gave me a scare. So for any future collaborations, I have to ask exactly how they intend to play it out. I need to know how to react. The not knowing is what scares me.

1:12:02 C: You want to talk about the All Star Night Awards? LYN: There were quite a few things… but I will only talk about myself. I had actually met ZLH at Scream Night too, who told me that we’d go up to grab an award together. I saw him again at All Start Night, and when I heard that it was going to be the three us (LYN/ZLH/ZKY) to receive the award, a song suddenly popped into my head. - Stay With Me by Chanyeol & Punch [Goblin OST] LYN: So before we stepped onto the stage, I told them that we should stick our left hand into a pocket and walk forward altogether. They both agreed, and when it was time to go they were still bothered about who would have the center position but I didn’t care and ushered them along! In the end- ZKY’s pants didn’t HAVE pockets. I didn’t think about that. He was wearing yoga pants- No, I don’t know! Suit pants, but they didn’t have pockets?? But he still placed his hand there. He was basically holding his thigh; it works the same! It was only after the fact that I realized he didn’t have pockets. If he had even mentioned not having pockets, I would have thought up a different pose for us! - LYN wanted to look cool, since the three of them are all tall with long legs- like models walking down the runway. But ZKY ended up not having pockets, but went along with it. This made LYN laugh, when he found out later.

1:19:00 -- Break #1 - changed clothes bc he was hot in the other cardigan

1:25:30 - after his little dance C: HELP! X’D What have I started liking?? LYN: What the-?!? LYN: You’ve started liking the singer and actor, Liu Yuning. Today is January 9th, 7:33pm. I hope you have a relaxing, happy, and wonderful night. Right now, I’ll present you with a song. I hope you like it. -- 山丘 (Hills by Jonathan Lee)

-- 一个人的北京. -- 金風玉露 -- 故夢

- any song can be upbeat if you look up the DJ version. For example: -- 苹果香 -- 再度重相逢 x 美酒加咖啡 remix -- 特别的爱给特别的你 -- 朋友 -- 潇洒走一回 --> 刀剑如梦 -- 恋曲1990 -- 天下 LYN: Wait- this song is called 天下, right? I think I announced once that I would never sing this song again. Because every time I do I feel like I’m gonna die. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the original singer. I just mean that if I were to sing this song, I could easily die trying. I remember the last time someone requested this song, I resented that person for three nights.

2:03:45 LYN: I just hope you’re having fun. There’s no point to being prim and proper and pretending to be a celebrity, here. I just hope to bring you some happiness. Simple and direct. Of course, thank you all for coming to watch my stream. LYN: Let me use the restroom and… recover. C: Ning-ge, it’s like you were just possessed. LYN: Shush! I just sang a few songs, and now you think I’m possessed?? You must be sick! YOU’RE possessed.

2:04:25 -- Break #2

2:10:17 LYN: The more I think about it, the angrier I get. I was making a fool of myself in front of all of you (for entertainment), and you thought I was possessed?? In the end I was only fooling myself. I became the real clown. C: You were still very cute. LYN: Please don’t use “cute” to describe me; I can’t take it. I’m a grown man. If you use it to describe a girl or little kids that’s fine, but calling a grown man “cute”? My goodness… C: My grandma says you’re “soft/young”! LYN: … Thanks, jie! :) Your grandma, to me, is my older sister. LYN: In the future when you go out and see a woman older than you, you should call them “sis (jie)”, not “aunty”. Call them jie- jie… /the wheels start turning/ If you’re out shopping with your mom and someone asks you, “Who is this?” you have to say, “This is my zhi ze.” You can’t call her “mom” anymore. // If your mom’s happy, she might buy you clothes and stuff. It’s nice, isn’t it? C: My mom will say I’m crazy. LYN: No, she won’t! Try it. C: My mom would beat me. LYN: Ok, then… if there’s a danger to your life, then please control yourself.

2:14:20 - CCTV Spring Night - Happy, but sometimes does not seem very welcoming at the start. Not because he is not excited to see his fans, but because he thinks it is disrespectful to the event staff/other artists & their fans- he doesn’t want to inconvenience or make it seem about him. But, he will always come out to greet everyone at the end of the night. -- - There was a segment that required him to wrap dumplings, then serve the cooked ones to the audience. Talks about one fan who stood close behind him, and kept starting at him, immovably, with wide eyes. LYN: I was being considerate of the camera and when I looked back- does a double-take- she scared me to death! I’m not speaking ill of her! I just thought it was very cute. // If you watch Spring Night, you’ll probably see who I’m talking about, but please don’t think or speak ill of her. C: If it were me, I’d do the same. (stare) C: You were sweating? LYN: That’s definitely not it. I’m not so beautiful that people would be mezmerized by a drop of sweat. I feel like… maybe she wasn’t in a normal state of mind? Normally people would smile at me or something, but she was expressionless! LYN: I mean, it was Spring Night! Everyone’s happy and laughing, but she was just- /staring/. Next time, don’t be so embarrassing. You’re recording for a program, so you should smile and be happy. C: Next time you go, we’ll all just stare. LYN: As soon as I enter the venue, you’ll just stand there and stare?? Are you shooting a horror movie??? C: If it were me, I would have grabbed hold. LYN: Are you not bound by any of the laws in this world? Let me tell you, if you really DID do such a thing- I don’t care if you’re my fan or not- I WILL report you. I won’t show you any mercy. Remember that. You can’t weasel your way out of it by saying that we’re friends, either. / I won’t spoil you, so don’t say I didn’t spare any mercy. This is serious- look at how you’ve scared me. I’m starting to button up. I will definitely report you. I will pursue legal repercussions. I’m no spring chicken, but you have to respect me! - C: I’ve learned law. I’ll help you. - if you are a lawyer/studying law, you can make a whole case (collecting sufficient evidence, etc.) against anyone online who is slandering LYN and you can contact his Studio for approval. If you win the case, THEN he’ll pay you your legal fees. X’D C: I’m taking this seriously. Wait for me. - C: Forensics is here. LYN: You’re in forensics? Um... what do you want? I just want to ask- what are you doing here?? I understand Law (fa wu) being here, but why do I need Forensics (fa yi)? What are you trying to do in my stream??? C: I’m a baguette (fa gun). LYN: You’re bread?

2:25:15 C: Ning-ge, my wife went to have fun in Sanya, can you wish her a good time? LYN: Are you crazy? YOUR wife went to Sanya for vacation, so why do I have to wish she has a good time? You should have gone with her. Also- she’s playing, but I’m working! How do you expect me to be happy?? She’s happy, but I’m not! I want to go to Sanya, too!!

- “Can you stream during my night shift?” / LYN: You work a night shift and you want me to work one (stream) with you? Pass. - No trophy for Weibo King, this year. / LYN: They probably didn’t make one this year. But it’s ok. They can do it once every two years, or three years, as long as I get one. But maybe it’s because I just scraped by with only 19 streams last year, and they want me to do better. If I work hard this year, maybe they’ll give me a trophy next year.

2:28:48 LYN: The other day I collected a few letters that you’ve sent me before, and I thought maybe I would read them on stream. This was something I was going to do for my birthday stream, and even though it’s passed now I still want to do it. I’ll take a few letters and read them to you, okay? So you can all see what these young girls are thinking about all the time. XD Of course, I will only read the ones that I CAN read, and I won’t read the ones that I can’t. Any letters with… unsavory content will be skipped. C: Public reading?? LYN: Well, it’s not like you know who wrote the letter! C: Are there colors? [t/n: I think this means something different than literal color…] LYN: Do you send me colorful letters? I don’t think so. C: I want to hear the ones you can’t read. 🙂 LYN: You want me to die?? If I end up saying something bad, you want me to exit this industry?? --- - /reading his cards & starts crying ;w;/ LYN: No, I can’t read these!! This is not turning out how I imagined it to go! I thought I would very lightly read them, and maybe tease a little. I didn’t want it to get too sentimental; I wanted to share everyone’s thoughts in a happy mood. But this is… getting to me. I just thought about it- it must be the bgm. Let me change it. This must be it. It’ll be okay if I play something happier.

- /starts reading a letter from 2021, from a girl who was in police academy; relieves the sentimental feelings by making fun of how they wrote the wrong word/ - “If you’re gone, don’t go”??? / LYN: What does that mean?? Are you going to break my legs so that I can’t leave? Do you not look over your letter once you’re done writing it? - the writer reveals that the clip in which you can hear someone call him “a long person” is actually hers. Not her voice, but it’s her video and everyone was sharing it without credit, so she wanted to let it be known. / LYN: Are you fighting for copyright now?? Are you trying to be an internet celebrity? You want to be famous? What’s the point of pursuing this, when it’s not even your voice? XD LYN: Her last name is Zhao. // This letter was written in 2021 when she was in academy, so by now she should be Officer Zhao. --- - the next letter is 3 pages long… LYN: … The letter is written quite nicely- very nice handwriting. But after seeing the first few lines, I don’t want to read it. No wonder you can write three pages- you must be crazy!! “Hello. I hope you don’t mind if I call you “wife.”” You must be sick! I mind it very much!! - letter starts commenting on his acting performance (with Hei Xiazi, digresses to Zhang Qiling, then Bai Choufei);; LYN skips to the end of the letter, to see what else there is. They signed off with their weibo ID!! / LYN: What if I just expose you right now?? --- - third letter is an envelope inside an envelope… LYN: What’s hidden in here?? I’m not going to get to the second layer and like in the wuxia dramas I watch a cloud of poison comes out, right? - …inside an envelope! LYN: What are you doing?? Are we playing with nesting dolls? It’s just this one sheet inside of three envelopes. What a waste of paper… - it’s a love confession with a wechat ID & phone number LYN: Next time don’t send me letters with your ID and phone number…because there’s no way I’ll add you, and otherwise I’ll use the info to hack your account! Don’t just give out your personal information like this. LYN: This letter counts as the one I can’t read aloud.

--- - fourth letter is a full two pages LYN: If only I had this kind of patience when I was going to school... C: “I gained an interest in you because of Hao Du, but I fell into the pit because of your livestreams and songs. Your noise was too good to listen to….” LYN: ?? My “noise”?? Do you think you’re very funny?? C: “...it was healing. Therefore, I was determined to like you.” LYN: You were “determined to” like me? That makes it sound like it took a lot of effort. - backwards compliments his acting (still room for improvement); reveals they took the bus to come see him, but ended up going the wrong direction first. LYN: You think you can pass judgement on my acting when you can’t even ride the bus in the right direction?? Just focus on living your own life well! How could you take the wrong bus?! Watch yourself. C: “Our first meeting was too short. I didn’t even have the time to imprint you in my mind before you were no more (gone).” LYN: What do you MEAN I was “no more” (不在了*)??? Where did I go??? I was gone… [t/n: *can be used as a euphemism for when people are have died. - t/n: the rest of the letter was pretty touching though. --- - 5th letter (on strawberry stationary) C: “I’m going to say whatever I want, since you won’t read this letter anyway.” LYN: What a coincidence, I’m seeing it right now. Life is funny, isn’t it. I’m reading it now, and with everyone else too. - op wasn’t into short videos and not impressed with livestreams or chasing stars. When they finally knew enough, he had already moved on from street busking and they never got the chance to see him stream live. --- - 6th letter (on cat (?) stationary); written on the envelope is “Just like you, I am a hardworking person.” LYN: ! If this letter is from 2021, I think it was fate. Hardworking People. (in reference to Li Bofan). // This letter came from a time-traveler. C: “I hope things continue to go smoothly for you. Happiness and health are the most important. That’s what you’ve always told us, so today I am returning the words to you. I hope you are able to accomplish your dreams. I hope even more that you are able to enjoy the happiness a normal person has. I hope your life is full of sunshine.” “You might not be my first idol, but you will definitely be my last. I’m thankful that you keep working hard. I’m thankful that you have come to a place in my life where I can follow you. Liu Yuning, just like you, I am a hardworking person.” - [t/n: !! the letter is from a Li XXX, so it COULD BE him! If not, what a coincidence!!] --- - 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14; these letters were written in 2021, so he hopes these people are still with him

3:33:30 LYN: It’s nice. I think doing this today has made me quite happy. I was thinking of doing this on my birthday- since you would be spending it with me- so I wanted to find some letters and share them with you. I finally got to do that today and I… I’m not sure how I feel. I’m touched, of course, but it also feels like… like I’ve gained something. But I’m not clear on what that something is. Sometimes- You know I keep saying that in 2025 I have to keep working harder but I’m only saying that because I’m telling myself that’s what I have to do. I’m trying to convince myself. I’m telling myself that it’s what I have to do. Honestly sometimes I don’t even know what I’m doing it for. But after reading these letters today, I seem to have found some meaning. I think I know what “it” is now. So of course I want to thank those of you who wrote me letters, and I also want to thank those of you are are keeping me company in this stream. Even those people who used to support me, I’m thankful for them, too. You’ve given me different kinds of strength at different times and have allowed me to keep going in this industry for six years now. I’m thankful for all that you’ve given me. I can’t explain exactly what it is, but I’ve received it. Thank you, everyone.

- to lighten the mood, backtalks at someone who broke the mood by asking him to send a red envelope

3:40:58 -- Break #3 - was going to play a LYN Roast video for the break, but scrolled across a rumor video (“LYN drinks his way into getting jobs”) and pauses to say that it’s a complete lie, because anyone who knows him knows that his tolerance is low and he can really only handle one cup. 3:47:53 - LYN: Hold on, I need to grab a bottle of water because I drank all of mine. I wasn’t crying in the bathroom. You can’t say that about me! Let me go grab water. C: Yeah, you should drink water after you cry. LYN: You must be crazy!

- IS curious about what people are saying about him (if ref to the rumor video), so he wants to find out; chat is both apprehensive and supportive LYN: I feel like no one has done this before, so I think it would be interesting. But I’m also not sure if I’ll able to handle it. I just want to know what they’re saying about me. I’m very curious about it. What leaps of logic did they make in order to conclude that I am someone who makes a living in this industry by drinking with others? // Let’s just look at a little bit, and if it’s unpleasant then we’ll stop. I’ve seen a lot of OPs start off with commentary on a drama, but are actually using it as an excuse to launch personal attacks against actors. I think that’s really meaningless; and in the midst of ridiculing someone, they also add in some product placement. They’re just using these artists to make money and get traffic. If you really had something to say about the artist, then you wouldn’t need to involve money. LYN: Let me just watch a little. A little. C: Don’t watch it. LYN: Ok, fine. Then... how about I watch a video complimenting me? // There aren’t… there aren’t any complimenting me. What type of people are operating this site?? // Let me find one. LYN: “Why are LYN’s resources so good? He’s always been male lead for the past few years.” I’ve only been the male lead for two dramas- YNGS was two years ago already, and ZLYM just aired last year but I didn’t have that many scenes. I wasn’t male lead for that many dramas. It’s not as many as you think. Maybe I’m on your mind, so you pay attention when I appear and that makes it seem like I’m always there. If I wasn’t on your mind, then you wouldn’t even know that I was the person who sang Rang Jiu. It’s like how people say that I am ALWAYS streaming. Last year I only streamed 19 times, on average that’s not even twice a month. I’ve only streamed for 1.5x every month, but if you say I ALWAYS stream then that’s a clear rumor. I used to act as supporting male lead… and maybe I had more of a presence then.

- trending at #20. 3:59:00 - has seen a bunch of funny videos where people mute audio then dub artists, so he’ll do it to himself. - [t/n: does… whatever the hell that was] C: It feels like you were possessed for real this time. LYN: No~ Haven’t you seen these types of reaction videos before? This is just how they are.

- listening to 与子成说 (The Starry Love OST) bc someone said they hadn’t heard it before

- asks about his schedule tomorrow- he has rehearsals, because the day after is Weibo Night LYN: I’m going to grab my Weibo King trophy and if they don’t have one ready, I’ll bring one myself.

4:10:47 C: When is the second album being released? LYN: I’ve been a bit busy lately there’s still one song that I haven’t record yet; it’ll be released as soon as I do. No rush. It’s all in the works. If there’s any progress, I’ll let you know. You don’t have to worry about the concert either; Because your enthusiasm makes me uneasy. - he’s concerned about the number of stops and whether he can sell the tickets or not - maybe an April open - will think about joining a drama crew after the concert tour is done, even though he COULD possibly do both at once.

- Daimi already showed up once, and then went to sleep - only shot 1 episode of Sunny Mood - won’t have varieties, so anyone who bought a VIP membership can watch dramas or movies instead; LYN watches more movies than dramas bc he can’t sit for long enough to focus on them. Proceeds to give movie recs! - trending at #6; can’t believe it, so goes to check it out; /disappointed/ (must have been someone looking at the “Your Trending Topics” tab) - more movie recs/discussions [t/n: I have no idea the Chinese titles of English movies, lol] - gets super excited to see Hong Kong actors from the classic movies he watched when he was younger; there was a video rental place not far from where he used to live

4:34:04 C: Lao-da, I’m shooting a movie in Hong Kong. LYN: Are you a director? Why didn’t you call me? Or are you a staff? You can recommend me to your director. When the director has time and is resting, you can be by their side scrolling my videos. Use my voice to annoy them. C: Say some lines from HK films. LYN: /thinking/ I usually watch them with Mandarin dub, because I can’t understand Cantonese… - plays iconic songs (can’t sing them at events even though he wants to, because the copyrights are hard to get)

- /plays “guess the song” game - 10 seconds/ - /is surprised that people can really guess it/ C: You’re bullying those born ‘00 and later. LYN: I’ll play some songs for you, to see if you’re any good. - /plays the 紫啧 (sister) song/ LYN: What song is this?? Tell me!! - /continues his game, continues to be amazed that people actually know the song from a few notes/ - tries to find one that will really stump people C: Gege, something that ‘00+ would know… LYN: OK! I think ‘00+ should definitely know this song- /plays the beginning notes (4:45:36)/ What is it? ‘00+ should really listen to this song. Especially boys. - [t/n: I know this one!!! But I only rmb the melody and not the title/lyrics… >.<; Shout out to my dad!! The song is 男儿当自强 (Mr. Strong Man)]] LYN: This one I’m sure you know- - /keeps playing/ LYN: You know more songs than I do! C: You’re bullying ‘10+. LYN: Okay- how old are the ‘10+ generation now? 14-15 years? Let me look up what songs ‘10+ kids are listening to. - /plays a couple of clicks/ LYN: What song is it? Tell me. LYN: ! I don’t believe that you know just from that! You must be using some sort of software!! - LYN: This next one is hard. No- it’s easy, but if you can’t guess it then that’d be bad. - /clicking???/ C: Did you play it? LYN: I did! Let me turn the volume up. C: That’s too strict! // At least 10 seconds!! LYN: Oh, I only played 1 sec. LOL. Here, I’ll play 3 sec. The fist note is even out. -- 天外来物 (Extraterrestrial) by Xue Zhiqian LYN: Ok, I’ll play one more. - /some string instruments?/ LYN: What song is it? C: 孤勇者. LYN: !! Wow, someone really knows. It’s not even 2 seconds and you’ve guessed what song it is. Just with that? Let me tell you, you shouldn’t be a fan. Go be an artist- you can be a singer with your sense of music. - The guess was wrong, because the song is 光的方向 - /continues scrolling through songs/ - /starts narrating something about malatang??? bc the song suits narration/

LYN: It’s about time; I’ve streamed for… 5 HOURS?!? Oh my goodness. I actually streamed for 5 hours. Is that right? It can’t be. But at least I’ve made one up to you. It might not have been very interesting- I didn’t sing many songs, and there weren’t that many jokes- but I still hope I was able to give you five hours of company. I also want to thank everyone who was with me for the whole five hours and didn’t leave. If you haven’t subscribed to my weibo yet, please do so. If I have some time I’ll come to stream again, okay? I hope you had a relaxing, happy, and wonderful night. It was great to have you and I hope you had fun. Let’s meet again in the next stream. Goodnight!

#Liu Yuning #lyn livestream #(5:04:33)#[idk anymore]

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harlequinoccult · 6 months ago

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thank you for explaining the caustic personality!! honestly Vulpine might as well have caustic as his main w apathetic tendencies instead, ig ill find out when the demo is updated XD both personality types fit him too well. honestly he's not that aggressive as a person, he's actually mostly quite polite, but he does have a tendency to stare. the ones who really get to see his aggressive side are the people he dislikes (Host better fucking prepare himself-)

well i figured i'd just finish what i started, and continue on my never-ending ramble. usually i like making Ariel an orphan, it's a bit of a callback to his roots and it fits him, but this time i think the second option i usually go for him fits best: single child of a single mother. she's the only family he has that he knows of, a very loving, religious and hard working lady who was shunned from the community for getting pregnant out of wedlock. the very first fights Ari would get into in his childhood were against kids who would say some unsavory shit abt his mom. having a mother who was blindly dedicated to the same church that constantly made her suffer for the mistake of having a kid without a husband also played a very big part into Ariel becoming an atheist and rebelling against the church in his teen years.

she was p absent as a parent, having to work p much the whole day to be able to support them both, but she tried her best the moments when she was present, and Ari recognizes that and loves her dearly. he started stealing things and got his first job quite young to try to help her pay the bills.

he got arrested when he was around 18 yo, probably getting caught on one of his "heists", trying to steal from the richer houses around, and he hasn't seen her since then. his time in prison was... bad. really fucking bad. the worst, lowest point of his life, in fact.

i have no idea how the legal system works in england and i have no desire to learn, but for what's worth he is caught trying to escape at least once, and spends 2 miserable years in there until he finally manages to leave.

did he actually complete his sentence? lol. lmao.

no. no he didn't. be it by a month, a year, a day, the important thing is he didn't.

is Ariel Fox even his real name? i doubt it. that would be stupid wouldn't it, illegally immigrating to a different country after escaping from prison and using your real ass name to do it, he's smarter than that.

fun fact abt Ari: he does not want to go back to prison. he'll kill himself before they have the chance to catch him.

on a... "unrelated" note, the reason why Carter managed to wrap such a tight leash on Ariel is bc he learned smth he shouldn't have and he's holding that little secret right over his head. im sure you can't possibly guess what he found out that would make Ariel put up w his shit the way he did-

so the fact that Ari ends up in this city (i forgor the name and i can't leave the askbox to check or ill lose everything i typed 😭) is honestly not rlly much of a surprise, nor is the fact that he's p much alone despite living there for years. he's always been a bit of an outcast, a loner, someone who avoids people on purpose. he hasn't seen his mom since he left england, but he looks her up every once in a while. debates whether he should call her. decides it's for the best that he doesn't.

he starts over. new life, new me, or whatever the hell people say. starts off already with shifty connections, he needs a fake identity and a fake birth certificate and a fake everything if he has any hope of passing by unscathed, after all. needs to lay low. not call too much attention. be a nobody. wait until things calm down a bit.

he stays at least a year living like that, settling in, subduing his accent until he can pass it off as having learned it from a family member or some other bullshit. applies for university. becomes just another american college student.

meets someone.

falls in love.

has them taken from him. has his entire life destroyed. again. needs to try to pick himself up. again. is struck with such crippling grief unlike anything he has ever felt before. it's almost as bad as the two worst years of his life.

almost.

he's never letting anything like that happen to him ever again.

anyway! as mentioned before, he was working on getting a doctorate when Carter came along, and he sort of had to drop out after that, to the dismay of his teachers. what was he getting a doctorate on? honestly p much anything would be in-character for Ariel, he's an everything nerd, from language to history to engineering to biology that man wants to know quite literally everything the world has to offer him. his infodumps are the most complete and varied possible, he's a walking talking encyclopedia.

he's an extremely paranoid person who overthinks everything including his own overthinking and really, if nothing else here's to hoping that OD can at least teach him to loosen up a bit-

he never enjoyed doing drugs very much, despite partaking in them quite often in his youth. he's way more likely to experience a bad trip than a good one, so he learned to stay away from them as much as possible, but alcohol and nicotine were a completely different story. he's still addicted to nicotine to this day, the one drug he allows himself to never let go. he was an alcoholic through a big chunk of his life, until someone did Very Bad Things to him when he was too drunk to be able to fight back. that experience just flipped a switch inside of him, it broke him badly enough to make him promise himself to never touch another drop of alcohol in his life, a promise he did very well by until Carter killed his beloved and he had the worst relapse of his life. he's back to being a straight edge now tho, its fine! its not fine

he has immense distaste for the cops of the city, but part of him is kinda grateful that they're so bad at their job or else he would be Fucked. he absolutely despised doing work for Carter, even after he became so numb to it all it made him want to tear his own heart out just to make sure it was still beating. i cannot stress enough how much he suffered inside at the start, part of the reason he started drinking again was to try to ignore how much all of it hurt. at least he could try to make sure Carter didn’t kill innocents. he couldn't really be sure every time, but he tried. he really did.

he probably tried killing Carter at least once. or thought abt it, at the very least. made plans. had it all figured out in his head, down to the last detail, how he would do it and get away with it. ngl, he was probably on the verge of putting it into action when Host sent him that email and just gave him the perfect chance to do it just like that-

as a killer, Vulpine is very much the stealthy type, hiding in the shadows, walking withouth making a sound. if its a group, he'll pick them off one by one, until someone notices and all hell breaks loose or until all of them are dead. if he's forced to kill someone he doesn't think deserves it, he's merciful. very quick, clean deaths, going straight for the vitals, almost painless. if it's someone he thinks deserves to suffer, however... well, he's always been curious to know what a human vivisection would look like.

truth is, he's a sadist. well, a sadomasochist really, but he gets off on making people suffer, and he hates it. he especially hates the fact that hurting the person he loves is such a tantalizing thought. marking them blue and black, covering them in red, it's not really his fault blood is such a beautiful thing, is it? and if his lover wants to do the same to him, well, he's more than happy to oblige. anything for his love. except bondage. getting tied up/held down is actually a pretty bad trigger for him, he hates it, no matter the context

ok well i think that's everything! thanks for indulging me!!

-🦊

The ask is somewhere around here, i know it, but with caustic mcs, Carter assumed they were all bark and no bite. Fitting, i think.

And, given everything, OD is a fitting match, they like learning and they are smart -in their own way- the drugs and partying is for themselves, they aren't the type to pressure people into drugs, in fact, they can and will tell you about the various side effects of any given drug because they think its legitimately interesting.

#and hey if you love doing illegal shit. Newcreed is the city for you!#and hey if you wanna make his life worse. Carter could be the one who got him access to fake papers. he had those connections.#slasher mcs

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ioannemos · 8 months ago

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brain, while i'm dreaming: this is kind of based on finding nemo btw :)

me, upon waking: no the fk it wasn't

1. nobody was a fish. like there were times when they were like 'oh better get back in the water' and a few like. lived in places where they would be missed, presumably bc people would miss if a freakin whale shark was not where it was supposed to be (yes, someone was a whale shark. or so i was meant to believe), but they were all human. or at least in human bodies. nobody ever even changed into a fish body. closest thing was when the "whale shark" took the info he was given, walked down an incredibly steep hill towards a cliff bc his enclosure was at the bottom (side note: how he got up the hill was never explained, bc he was a fish the whole time you see), tossed down a pebble to make sure he was lined up, and jumped. never changed in my sight. never got a chance to look over the hill and check that he was back, just "no there was a splash, trust us he's really a whale shark down there :)"

2. there was some kind of multi verse thing going and they directly affected each other. if there was a rule or reason to how this worked, i never got the memo. all i remember is it being stated that being in the right place in one 'verse was important to another 'verse. the fish were in human form and driving a car here btw

3. ryan gosling was present at one point as one of the "fish." he was in a neck brace which was preventing him from being where the multi verse needed him, he was very upset bc he'd been betrayed also i think?, there was some kind of romantic triangle thing he was also very upset about, maybe the gal in it had betrayed him?, and he got attacked by ants swarming all over him while he couldn't move and this was part of the multi verse and also the betrayal possibly. at least two other multi verses were able to see this happening, tho it looked like random nonsense to them, and they did something about it in their 'verses which helped in the one where ryan was actually being attacked

one of the multi verse dudes who helped was like. a random farmer guy who knew nothing about nothing, multi verse who, but i guess he'd been watching this particular area bc it was where the nonsense happened or something. so when he saw swarming ants or whatever, maybe the ants were sourced from his 'verse who fkin knows, he was all My Time Has Come and took them out with like. a sprinkler from his garden. idk how he knew that was him doing the right thing but he was so happy about it that i don't want to criticize. good job buddy

4. one of the 'verses was fkin. 1984 on steroids. just standing on a street corner could get you arrested if a cop decided in that moment you looked suspicious maybe and he wasn't convinced otherwise after knocking you to the ground and slapping you around about it. people were also turned into their own firing squads, like group a shoots group b as group b shoots group a. this 'verse looked like an anime and played like one too i guess, very fast and over the top and without like. an indepth regard for what the consequences of that might actually be (like. how are there still people here if they can get killed at any moment. where are the children to replace them. who's gonna have kids/time to raise them in this environment. etc)

i'm sure there was more so i might add it later but i need to leave, so separate from this whole... mess...

[argh gonna be so late, insert guinea pig dream here]

the guinea pig dream! something fked up happened to this whole like. country. the ground had like... fallen? but it left a sort of crust hanging above, stuck to whatever was around, so there were these areas where solid ground was at least a few feet (and in some places a lot more) beneath what looked like the ground. like if you've ever seen photos of ice that's suspended by trees while the water's below it, that's the vibe, only it's ground and ground. don't ask me why the trees' roots weren't exposed bc i don't know. it was pretty trippy

anyway it had really fked up like. everything. including like flipping over houses. and in this one house, this kid and i think his mom were looking for his guinea pig, which had escaped. obvs ceilings and walls aren't exactly meant to be walked on, and i think the house was also on the suspended ground, not solid ground, so they were kind of taking their lives in their hands. they'd just given up on finding the guinea pig when i saw him escape and just barely caught him. but i did catch him and give him to his people and he was fine :) he was pretty small for a guinea pig tho, more hamster sized lol

#this sure was a post #personal #abbie needs a twitter #abbie needs a dream journal

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velvetvexations · 10 months ago

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So this is going to be kind of an insane ask to get but I don’t have anybody I can tell in my real life and you’re like the only person I follow who seems to genuinely give a shit about Ukraine still so. You can just delete it if you want to, I don’t mind. Just actually writing it out to another person will help.

I’ve been considering for the better part of 2024 joining the Ukraine volunteer army. Like, seriously considering, not just some throwaway thought. I even got my passport specifically because I was thinking about it. I know someone who did. Haven’t heard from him in a while but that’s the nature of this sort of thing, as far as I know he’s still out there. I want to also. I’ve got extended family in both Ukraine and Russia (which is more common than you’d think) but my parents are immigrants (it was long before I was born) and I’ve always been close to my extended family and people I’ve talked to from both places in my family are unhappy and everybody hates that this is happening. There’s this like chasm between both halves of my extended family now bc people can’t see each other anymore. Multiple of my extended family from Ukraine had to either run away to other countries or join the military, and I had one of my Russian cousins almost get caught immigrating to avoid being conscripted (he made it, he’s fine, he lives out of country now) and I hate being here in America watching it all happen and not able to do a damn thing about it, I donate as much as I can to a variety of Ukrainian funds and send money to family too, but I work at a fast food place and rent a shithole apartment I can barely afford, I can’t really donate much. But I’m a guy (well, not really, but I’m 0% transitioned and I’m fine with staying like this for something more important), I’m decently fit, I speak a little Ukrainian, I know how to use a gun, and from what I heard from the person I knew who went and what I’ve heard looking on forums and stuff that’s basically all they want at this point. Hell two of those things, language and experience with guns, seem to be slipping out of the requirements too because they need more people so bad. I feel like if I don’t I’m going to be crawling with regret for the rest of my life especially, ESPECIALLY, if Russia gets the upper hand and Ukraine falls. At least if I do this I could try to make a fucking minuscule sliver of a difference. But I know my parents will be really upset, especially if I just take off. My friends too but I don’t have a lot of those anyways. And obviously I know I might die, or be disabled or whatever but I just don’t care, even though I feel like I should. But I just don’t, because I feel like doing my part would be worth either of those things. Maybe I’m just crazy and blinded by how upset this entire fucking “conflict” makes me, but like your other anon said it really feels like the entire world forgot, or at least America forgot, unless you have personal connection to the region. I don’t even know how to end this ask. That’s my confession. You and maybe your followers if you do post this are the only ones who know now and that’s that

I love you, anon. I won't tell you not to but I want you to know - you can still help without volunteering. Donating helps. Spreading awareness helps. You will have nothing to be ashamed for if trying your best does not extend to sacrificing your life. You are still strong and providing desperately needed value.

I just want you to please consider that, okay? You said you don't have many friends - but even though I don't know who you are, you and your life matters to me. If you'd ever like to talk to me you can DM me for my Discord. I'd be happy to be your friend.

If not, that's okay as well. I just want you to know that your life has value, too, even if you help in other ways.

#ukraine #russia

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my-castles-crumbling · 6 months ago

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hi Cas!

uh so ive always been a stem girl but next year we have our country's equivalent of the GCSEs and im a freshman right but my grades in almost every stem subject sucks rn like they're at an all time low, as in i have a 77 in physics in my report card and in my country anything less than a 95 is basically shit and i had plans to change schools in eleventh grade but my current report card isnt remotely close to what it should've been and the thing is im not bad at stem, like if i practiced or studied it regularly id probably be doing a lot better but yeah that didn't happen and the fact still remains that im a natural at humanities as in i study less than a week before the midterms and get more than i did in any stem subject? my best friend thinks i should probably consider a career in humanities bc im better at it but ive always wanted a career in stem, like, ever since third grade and everyone knows that i want(ed) to work at NASA but rn i dont really think i stand any chance of getting into my country's best colleges and that might not be the end of the world but ive always been like yeah im going to go there and it's basically common knowledge at this point

so ever since third grade i have kinda had my life all planned out? like obviously changes have been made but I've always been the one who's known what they wanted to do and i always thought I'd end up in aerospace engineering or at least another stem career but now with my grades im reconsidering and see, my country and family both value stem a lot like most people take up careers in it but my parents arent very restricting but it's always just been assumed that id go into stem too and i just casually mentioned it to my mom about dropping out of stem bc i felt like i couldnt do well in the subjects and later she was joking about it to my father and ik they wouldn't really care but i don't know if i actually want to drop out of stem and the thing is, my best friend's mom was kinda talking to mine about how both her and i arent doing as well despite having the potential (my mom agrees and our families are close enough for that conversation) and my best friend still doesnt know what to do so i was suggesting international relations to her which has always been my in another life career and that got me thinking as well about it just in case this doesnt work out but i have to make a decision by the end of tenth grade bc we get to choose our subjects for our junior and senior years then

im just kinda worried about how everyone will take it but more than that ive always wanted the freedom to move from one country to another without having to retake an exam like you'd have to for law and medical which was why i dropped the idea of doing law and im a very materialistic person, in the sense that i want to be rich like, have a large living space, luxury cars and brands, and most importantly be able to travel the world (which is probably my life goal) and money is just a means to that end and for that i need a good job but i also kinda prioritise my ability to travel when considering careers so i dont want to be tied down by becoming loyal to a particular government

im not even sure if i actually want to do ir instead of aerospace engineering. im just kinda testing the waters rn by doing research but im scared bc it's almost common knowledge that i want(ed) to work for NASA and I've always had my life planned out to the exact college i wanted to go to since third grade and the last i altered it and that too slightly was in seventh grade but this choice is going to affect everything and i dont know if im even going to make it

sorry for the rant, i hope you're having a good day wherever you are

Hi!

Okay so a few thoughts:

First of all, you're allowed to change your mind about what you want to do with your life at any time in your life, but expecially when you're this young. You should do what makes you feel fulfilled and happy, and if someone doesn't support you, that's their problem.

However, I do want to say that whatever you decide, don't just pick something that's easy. Because the thing is, at some point, everything will have rough spots. First decide what will make you happy, then figure out what work you need to do to get there.

I hope that makes sense!

#ask #asks #ask cas

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noahtally-famous · 2 years ago

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some Dave family & childhood/adolescence headcanons:

bc I wanna dissect this guy and his mind fr-

(fyi I'm desi (a person of South Asian descent born in another country), and I'm like 99% sure Dave is desi as well, so this is just a note for ppl so y'all are aware that I'm an Indian too! however, if anything at all mentioned below doesn't sound right (and not opinions, though I'd love to hear those too, I mean like actual info) pls lmk!)

uh, also mentions of homophobia, internalized homophobia, and trauma relating to mysophobia

some of these might be subject to change or tweak here and there, but overall, I'm satisfied with what I have!

- his father is a prestigious businessman who was born in Canada—he worked his way from the ground up as his parents (Dave’s grandparents) were immigrants from India; his reputation is everything to him, and he sees his family as a way to enhance said reputation so that he doesn’t lose face.

- his mother is descended from a wealthy family—she likes to say her great-grandfather was a Baron who’d resided on the India-Nepal border—and she was born in London. It was her grandparents (Dave’s great-grandparents) who emigrated from India to the UK. She’s artistic and the lower level of their house is her own studio.

- Dave’s parents marriage was more of an ‘alliance’ than anything. It’s little details that are also glaringly obvious that signified to him that his parents really didn’t love each other in that way—and if they did, it isn’t a priority; things like his mother hyphenating her last name and not fully taking his fathers, the distance in the way they interact, just slight emotional ticks that let him know their love was more of a facade.

- since then, Dave vowed that if he ever found someone, the love they’d share would be real and genuine—ironically, he became a bit of a romantic (okay, a huge romantic). Obv his parents weren’t good role models in the romance department but all those movies he’d watched are!

- anyway back to the family; Dave’s father spent long hours either at the office or traveling for business. Whenever he’s away, their house feels a bit more like a home—his mother unfurls like a flower and her already overprotective nature due to his weak immune system heightens, and Dave let’s himself believe he’s a normal guy in a normal family when this happens.

- but eventually his father returns and the emotional distance ensues, the high expectations, his mother retreating back into her shell, and the reality hits that he just can’t ever be ordinary.

- only one person has brought up the topic of a divorce and it’s his older brother; it’s mentioned half-heartedly too as though he knew she’ll disagree. It’s a funny thing; Dave’s mother does love his father and maybe that feeling is returned, but there’s so much weight and expectations and pressure they’d placed upon themselves that whatever affection is straining.

- his father reacts to this by overworking himself; his mother by retreating.

- (Dave also vowed that him and his lover won’t have a relationship this complicated. It’ll be simple, cliche, normal, and perfect.)

- Dave has Middle Child Syndrome. He has three other siblings and he’s not just the middle kid, but also the kid who doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing (in other words, who doesn’t seem to be able to ‘enhance the family name rep’. He’s just…There.)

- perhaps that’s why he and his father are so distant—more than his siblings are. No matter how hard he tries to impress his father with anything, it goes awry and/or his father never seems to give him more than a curt nod.

- there’s his older sister: she’s graduated from law school, is 25, and is currently an attorney for their fathers business. She goes with him on his business trips, and Dave is so not jealous. She’s strong, bold, and isn’t afraid to look assholes, sexism, and racism in the eye and shoot them down with her words and expressions. She’s like the shield, a mature presence in the siblings’ lives.

- his older brother is second. A double-major in history and business, and 22 years old. At first, he was meant to take on the mantle of their fathers business when the time was right. However, that took a drastic turn when news got out that his brother was fully and utterly homosexual. Naturally the equation in his fathers head was: ‘homosexuality = hate = losing precious reputation’ and the following arguments that spawned between the two of them from this were some of the nastiest. That’s when Dave, listening in keyholes, over banisters, and in other random locations, found out one huge thing: his father is a homophobe.

- (not that that mattered to him. He’s straight, he liked only girls. Right?)

- anyway, their father told his brother to ‘hide his gayness’ and pretend he’s straight. His brother said that’s bullshit and that everything rich ppl do is ‘pretend’. Long story short, his brother moved out. Currently, he lives in Europe and owns an art gallery that his mother sends her artwork to (his father found out abt that once, and that resulting fight was a mess too--but dw she still does it and he can't stop her).

- Dave hates him. He wants to hate him so fucking badly for leaving him behind, for not listening to their dad and pretending to be straight, for being gay in the first place! Bc he and his brother were tight; they were super close and he’s the one guy Dave felt he could rely on and now?? He’s in another damn continent and Dave’s stuck in this suffocating atmosphere and ugh, goddammit he wants to hate him but he can’t bc he’s his brother and he loves him. So yeah. He def has mixed feelings lmao

- (this is also when his internalized homophobia started. He doesn’t care who other ppl love, he just cares who he loves. He’s not making the same mistake his brother did.)

- his younger sister, 14-15 years old, going into high school. Unlike the rest of their siblings, she doesn't want to be bogged down by office work or business drags. With a foot in every sport imaginable and an expert breakdancer, she's already got her sights set on making it professional in the sports category or becoming a famous dancer (maybe both, depending on how good she is, and she is good). She may only be in 9th grade, but words already spread that she's been scouted to go pro. She takes self-defense classes, helps coach soccer and softball for the younger kids during summers, and basically whatever her siblings didn't do in the athletic field, she's making do with flying colors.

- so yeah. After all this, you can see why Dave feels as lost as he does. Whichever way he turns, there's one or more of his siblings achieving great things, and he's just there...doing nothing...not being recognized because he's good at nothing. Just average. At every goddamn thing.

- normally he'd be fine with that, considering that's what ordinary ppl feel and that's what he wants to be, but it goes at odds with the side of him who wants to impress his father, make his mother proud, also stay at the same level as his siblings are.

- he's just so confused, he doesn't know what to do, and he's too scared to take a step forward. He's just some sheltered rich kid who doesn't understand/know cues in society, what good is that?

- onto his childhood/adolescence; boarding schools. That's basically all he's known. And ofc it has to be fancy boarding schools that the parents of other rich kids send them bc despite Dave being so average, his father will be damned if he sends him off to some middle-grade school.

- boarding schools left their own respective impressions on him as well. He used to be made fun of, teased, and even bullied bc rich ppl are nasty and they don't hold back—even to one of their own (especially to one of their own). One stark incident that left a huge mark on him was when he was eleven and his bullies took things a bit too far--you can't put a bunch of kids whose parents are competitive maniacs in a harsh cooperative and/or political world together and expect nothing crazy to happen; this was one of those crazy incidents. Long story short: some older kids took advantage of the fact that Dave has a weak immune system, lots of dirt was involved, a near burying-alive incident, lots of name-calling and taunting, and, as a result, on top of his immune system problems, he developed mysophobia too—which added more to his germaphobic tendencies.

- Whenever he's in a situation similar to the one that triggered this phobia, he falls into a panic. Those first few weeks, months, couple of years, it was horrible; only his siblings (mainly his younger sister and older brother bc his older sister was away a lot) and his best friend at the time would make any headway pulling him out of that trauma. Overtime (and the only time Dave was actively determined to do smth) he forced himself, his mind, his body reactions, to tune in with his thoughts so that if he ever got into a panic, he'd have a greater chance of pulling himself out instead of relying on someone else.

- but yeah. He has mysophobia, is a germaphobe, and has a weak immune system (smth his father considered a weakness) so him asking if smth is unhealthy or dangerous or "of questionable origin" isn't just him being a hypochondriac.

- that wasn't the only thing he went through in boarding schools. But, before we get to that, imma just say after that incident, he learned his lesson—he learned that rich kids are nasty pieces of shit and he's not gonna get anywhere the way he's being right now. So he excels in the art of people-watching, of careful observation that over time just becomes a habit/instinct—scoping out the opposition. He knows who's the assholes, who're worth interacting with, what to do to stay under the radar. Like magic, the lack of bullies dwindles once he starts doing that, and he finds out that everyone rlly does have something to hide—but he's not a blackmailer, he just observes, gives a mental nod, and moves on with his life.

- he often fluctuates with what his father would expect of him, and what he expects from himself; one of them is the lengths to go to stay on top. For example, despite knowing he's not a blackmailer, he'll still hesitate bc it's "what his father would've wanted".

- anyway, he's switched boarding schools twice—the first bc of the dirt incident, the second bc that's when he got his sexual awakening:

- his best friend in that boarding school—the only person he lets loose around—ends up also being someone he, to his horror, gets a crush on. Why horror, you might ask? Simple: his best friend is a guy.

- see: Dave's internalized homophobia. My dude already has fluctuating feelings abt impressing his dad, if he comes out as liking guys, he just knows that's not gonna be well-received. Literally, the one thing he thought wouldn't ever happen does. So he reacts in typical Dave-fashion: he panics, and does what his mum would do: retreat. He basically runs away from the problem lmfao, he ignores his best friend—which he still feels guilty for to a degree bc the one person who accepted him for who he was and supported him, and he just...stomped on him bc of a sexuality crisis lmao. And that's not the worst of it: he actually nails the head in the coffin by asking his dad to switch him to another boarding school bc his roommate is gay. (And yeah, ofc, they were roommates lmao).

- not his best moment, everyone's well aware.

- (and try as he might, his bisexuality (though he doesn't know that he's bisexual yet) isn't "gone" like he hoped it was; it's more so repressed, buried, deep within him, but in a manner that one tilt off-axis will send him spiraling into another sexuality crisis)

- anyway, he's in his third boarding school when he comes across the Total Drama audition flyer online, and decides why the heck not lmao.

- before his younger sister was born, Dave spent most of his early childhood at his aunts place—his mother's younger sister. The utter normalcy of the place compared to what he’s used to astounds little him, and his visits there leave a great impact on him. His aunt, an art teacher at a local school, had a small, modest house filled with sketches, paintings, murals, and the various designs and bright colors were mesmerizing to him. They took him to a world where only colors mattered and nothing else. His aunt doted on him too, and Dave loved spending his days in that house more than his own place.

- Unfortunately, when he was seven, his aunt died—a mundane way to die for a mundane young lady, he couldn’t help thinking; (I'm thinking either getting hit by a car while crossing the street or what is a 'simple viral infection' which turned out to actually be a tumor). As mentioned though, those times left a great impact on him. Made him realize that it is possible to an extent to lead an ordinary life even while connected to such extraordinary. It also made him harbor a love for art—any and all kind of it (except maybe pottery bc it’s messy, as well as the unconventional types like using dirt and the outdoors as tools).

- her death, if I wanna go the tumor route, will emphasize his germaphobic tendencies and his mysophobia. Depending on which road I wanna take, if I do this, the dirt incident at the boarding school won’t have happened, maybe?? not quite sure 🤔

- given all this, it's no wonder he has attachment issues. Usually, he's standoffish, he keeps to himself, he still interacts with ppl but he doesn't trust or get close to ppl easily. But when he does, when he finds someone who he actually vibes with, he sorta just...latches to them bc of this worry that they might leave him, or the other shoe will drop, or smth bad will happen to them. Basically, it's hard for him to let go. He's capable of it, but it's difficult for him to process—heightened depending on how strong the bond is with the other person.

- being ordinary is the center point of this guy's persona—his core existence. it's why when he auditioned for Total Drama, he's labeled as "A Normal Guy". He didn't mention anything abt his family and if he had to, it was the bare minimum; no one knows who his parents are, who he's connected to, they just know him as a germaphobic average joe.

bonus stuff:

- for his last name, I'm thinking Jha??? idk I rlly like it and I think it suits him.

- vegetarian, due to his cultural background.

- hates horror movies, he's the guy to cling onto your hand or arm if you're watching one with him, and def the type to scream at the jump scares and then curse up a storm.

- gore is a no. it's too messy and makes his stomach twist; same with zombies bc uh...the effects are basically overkill for him. (Shawn dared him during one of their scavengings that if he won the show, Dave would watch a bit of The Walking Dead with him. Rip Dave lmao.)

- he can tolerate horror and gory movies, btw, he just doesn't prefer it.

- I've this standing silly hc that he and Noah are family friends; as a desi, let me tell you, we've a lot of family friends lmao. The opposites of his and Noah's home lives only serve to prove that it is possible to lead a normal life where your emotions aren't secondary to the public.

- despite leading a variety of lives, Dave and his siblings are pretty close! When they were little, they used to have tree-climbing contests, which is why, even if his arms might look chickeny, his legs are pretty strong stamina-wise. They might be more distant now with a lot more differences between them, but they're capable of standing together when need be.

- speaks English and Hindi; due to his upbringing, he's fluent in several other languages too.

- obv closet disaster bi; his main fear is someone will find out and his sexuality will be exposed on international television

- likes to garden, but only if he's wearing gardening gloves; he also feels productive when doing so bc it makes him feel strong tackling the dirt to let beautiful plants grow—like facing his fears to let smth else grow there instead. He has several potted plants in his house.

- while he seems standoffish and 'colder' at first, ironically, he also has the tendency to get emotional easily. Especially when it comes to rejection—he's not very good at handling that. Basically he's a mix of nervousness and distant—he can be quick to judge, especially when it comes to ppl who have different quirks like Beardo and Leonard.

- he learned coding bc that’s what his dad wanted him to do. All he got from his father was the usual ‘curt nods’ so he thinks he’s just average at it. Whenever his dad gives him one of those nods, Dave just assumes that means he’s not particularly exceptional at whatever it is he’s currently doing—even if that may not be the case.

- the attachment issues and emotional detachment of his family are one of the main reasons for his snarky self-aware yet also lack of self-awareness (and, at times, rude) personality; I want to say it's like a shield--the snarkiness, I mean--but it's also basically an ingrained habit.

- doesn't like being called David. his father (and his mother, oftentimes) tend to call him that, and hearing the name reminds him of them and the expectations and pressure and everything he cannot be. He much prefers Dave.

#i do have names for his siblings that I'll add if I feel like it (and if this is well-received)#oh what the heck jaydha gabriel and viola are their names lmao #I think...that might be subject to change but I like them so far #im 10k words into writing a skylett (with a side of dashawn) oneshot when I decided it's high-time to jot down my notes for this guy lmao #the random things I decide to do instead of being productive and finishing a oneshot smh #td dave #total drama #kit speaks #noahtally-famous #kit stuff #td #tdpi #total drama pahkitew island #this is just a silly little thing I wanted to post bc I love dissecting dave like hello this guy's mind?? def worth looking through

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hel7l7 · 1 year ago

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hey there, been following you for quite a while now and never told you that your art just... hits really hard, right where it should. I'm struggling with bpd as well, and I want to ask you, but I don't even know what would I ask. I just feel so disconnected from everything right now, especially people, and I need someone who understands so I want to think you're the person who understands. anyway. how does it feel? how do you deal with it? is your skin ever comfortable? do you ever know how to talk to other people without thinking and feeling too much? do you know how to talk to yourself and not feel like a stranger? what does feeling feel like? do you think you'll ever be able to love yourself exactly for what you are? do you ever just need to lay down on the ground and tell yourself as much times as it takes for you to believe it that there are moments beyond this one (and this, too, shall pass)?

sorry if this is a bit incoherent and too much... I just need to ask. sending lots of love your way

Dear anon, I hope you still see this even though my reply came a little late. My heart goes out to you. Because I understand your questions, I feel you. I really do. I hope you feel a little less alone in it all knowing that I’m here, rooting for you. If I can make these little steps in the healing process, then so can you. You’ve got this. Stay strong. <3

The whole bpd diagnosis is a wild ride. How do I deal with it? Through art. Through therapy. Through talking with friends. Through trial and error.

I don’t really talk about this very often, but I’m unemployed and unable to work or go to school at the moment. So I deal with it but I'd love to be able to do more… Every time I try to pick something up I often end up finding out it is too much for me and ends me in crisis. (note: all of this is currently more bcs of my ptsd than my bpd) It’s a process of trying and figuring it out. I believe I'll get there, it has been better at times, and it has been worse at times. Currently I’m working a very very low level “job” that I really like. Which is going quite alright so far. It’s only a few hours every week but it is better than nothing. Please note that I’m not happy with this situation, I would love to be able to work or go to school. My country has a pretty well working system in which I’m glad to be able to rely on resources when I’m not well enough to support myself financially.

Is my skin every comfortable? Yes. It never was before. But it has become easier. It really has become easier. I feel everything deeply still. The good and the bad. But it does get easier. I’ve grown more accustomed to my own needs and that really helps. You’re not less worthy or less of a person because you have bpd. Bpd often stems from trauma/childhood/the past. Figuring out where my behavior was coming from helped me find better ways to cope.

Do you ever talk to other people without thinking or feeling too much? No. Lmao. I wish I could give you another answer. And I think this might be different maybe for other people with bpd. ( I mean I’m only one person so it’s not like my answers are The Answers. Everyone has a different experience. )

For me, interpersonal contact is the hardest part. Always has been and maybe it always will be. I’ve become better at not acting on my thoughts and feelings. I’m often just very scared or anxious about things. But tuning out to those thoughts and focusing on other things (distraction) works very well for me when it comes to the anxiety around it.

But there’s much more about this subject I could explore. I think my whole journal-art-chaos-page just comes down to me struggling with connection/people/myself.

How do you know how to talk to yourself and not feel like a stranger? By practice. By endless practice. Tell yourself the things you’d tell a friend. Sometimes when I’m very overwhelmed I try to imagine someone I love or someone I look up to sitting next to me and try to imagine what they would say to me. Or I ask myself what I’d say to a friend in a similar situation. Getting that kind-spoken dialogue going in my head often helps me set an example for how to talk to myself and help myself through this situation.

What does feeling feel like? It’s the best and the worst at the same time. I feel the highest highs and the lowest lows. Maybe this is different for everyone but I’ve always loved it. When I was on antidepressants for a while I got very frustrated because I couldn’t feel the way I was used to. I experience intense love, happiness, awe, every positive feeling you can think of. And much of the time that counteracts the deep lows.

Do you ever think you’ll love yourself exactly as you are? Yes. I’ve come to realize there’s no other way. I can push myself to be someone I’m not but it does never really change who I am. Even then I’ll still be myself, trying to be someone else. Which never actually stops me from being me.

I struggle with this. Sometimes I don’t want to be who I am. This mostly comes down to me not wanting to accept that shitty things happened to me. I don’t want to be that girl. I don’t want to face those things.

But in the end I can do whatever I want but I’ll never be someone other than myself. I can fight myself and keep pushing all my feelings down, I can neglect myself, hurt myself, hate myself, I can do all these negative hateful things towards myself. It will never change me. It will never make me someone else.

So what else is there to do?

I’ve tried neglecting myself. Never made me happier. I can’t do that to myself anymore. I’m who fought for me the hardest. In the end I was the one who was always there. I was the one who tried to survive when I thought I couldn’t.

Loving myself makes my life easier. And it’s a ride. I don’t love myself all of the time. And I still struggle to accept parts of myself that I wish were different. But I mostly wish I was able to give myself more love earlier. I mostly wish I hadn’t had to go through all that pain. I wish I never felt like I had to hurt myself to survive. ( Inner child work did help me with this a bit.)

do you ever just need to lay down on the ground and tell yourself as much times as it takes for you to believe it that there are moments beyond this one (and this, too, shall pass)?

YES. All the time. It is very overwhelming to live in a world so intense while feeling everything so intensely. The good thing is that till now every moment I’ve ever thought I couldn’t go on, I still did. I still could go on. Even when I thought I couldn’t.

The hard moments do pass. In the end everything will always keep changing. The good, the bad. It is all temporary. Which is the only fact we have. But it does get easier to deal with it all.

It really fucking does.

16 year or 18 or 20 year old me wouldn’t believe where I’m at now in this all. There’s much more steps to take, but I’ve also come from very far.

#you all don't know how much love i carry for you #my heart goes out to all of you struggling #let me give you all a hug #don't give up please #anon #ask #bpd #this whole thing could have been so much longer and so much shorter #i'm sorry ;)

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synonymouswithanonymous · 8 months ago

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☺☺ you were right!

you were right! That's so exciting, he's completely integral to the plot!!! A catalyst for later drama, at least in part. I'm excited to see him play this character! A broken Vietnam vet. He's going to be great in this part!

So the article from last month that named him, was a bit off, but that's ok bc now we know more! 😊😊 and EM is Swintons characters daughter! He plays Swintons character's lover/father to her child! This confirms he's definitely got scenes with the leads!

"or her recounting the death of her child’s father, a Vietnam veteran with PTSD, in a house fire on the side of a highway."

----------

This will be a great character, the catalyst for so much drama within one family later, it makes you wonder what would be the lifelong impact of such a tragedy. A character sent off to proverbial slaughter, who most likely had to commit and witness acts he'd never wished to have even witnessed. And then returning to a country that doesn't understand PTSD or what soldiers went through, but are instead spat at in the streets and their mental health largely ignored/misunderstood. And then to have such a tragic end. That's so sad. This is a movie aiming to make me cry in a variety of ways. Lol I'm excited!

Sidenote: please skip if uninterested. I don't think his interview says he's given up on his career, so to speak, but maybe taking a more realistic view on his career prospects is healthy and warranted. Not everyone is going to be Brad Pitt, someone has to be Gary Oldman (for differences in career paths, as an example).

Perhaps he's just not getting his hopes up bc in another interview he said his hopes were dashed, repeatedly by covid/strikes/not getting hired for gigs immediately after Vikings etc. AND the fact that Vikings isn't as popular a show as the fandom bubble created around all these actors in it made it seem like they were (I'm still calling them all, even Winnick an underdog bc she's "B list" or lower by "hollywood" standards. She's not up there in the hierarchy like say Reese Witherspoon. AHA realistically would be B list too.

That's not an insult but realistic. How many actors are in SAGAFTRA? Currently? And how many more newbies each year? Hollywood is always about the next big thing. But Hollywood is losing its grip on its dominance due to streaming and other factors.

Plus how many movies/shows are actually shot in Los Angeles nowadays? it's always a location elsewhere it seems.

His more humble approach is good, didn't he say he was aiming for a mads mikklesen (sp?) or NCW career? If so then he's well on track to having great character roles. He's going for longevity, not a quick buck. Maybe he has been picky, but it's working for him. He doesn't need to be in every lame remake hollywood comes up with that's destined to lose money. Tinseltown has lost its shine in the wake of technology from jets, to streaming services letting us see originals in original languages, instead of watered down remakes that pale next to the original. Or just original innovative stories, the foreign films/shows on netflix alone are great! I'm looking at you Nightwatch american remake that was just bad. 😳😳 He's even been able to write and star in his own idea for a tv show. There might be a second season. He can fly to locations, it's a modern world, he doesn't have to be isolated in "hollyweird made of vices" away from his home, family/gf and language/culture. And while Hollywood might take offense to him "complaining" about really long days, in the cold, and that Denmark has better labor laws....where's the lie? If there's something that isn't right, why should he be silent? Why should people be worked to the point that they can't even recover from being in hospital, no sick days or back up plan in case of illness on set. To the point that they've been broken down physically and mentally. Isn't that the reason labor laws exist, to protect people from suits who only care about schedules and money instead of the actors health? That goes for any job not just actors. Or their mental health, most people don't have to fly to a different country for jobs either, that's got to be rough no matter how much you love your job. But anyway, it doesn't seem to have affected his hiring status that much. 😊

But I think he's playing the long game quite smartly. He's going for a real career, not to be a teenage idol. Why be a small fish in an overlarge pond (hollywood) when he can be a bigger fish in a much smaller pond and build a career like Mads M? The same reason Ole Bornedal and Pedro Almodóvar stay in their respective countries (mostly). Bornedals's movie was remade, and changed, instead of just releasing It with subtitles. It could be that there they can create the art they want to without time/money/script restrictions? Bc in Hollywood they've even put time/plot limits on THE Ridley Scott! To the detriment of many of his films post gladiator ( kingdom of heaven should have just been the directors cut imo bc they cut important story parts). I say let him create art the way he wants to, he's on his timetable, not fans. It's his career that We are hoping to watch for the next 30-40 years. Or longer, Almodóvar is 74! Clint Eastwood is how old? We will just have to be patient for new projects. 😊😊 I know its fun to get all my Gary Oldman movies immediately bc he's been around for over 40 years ! I don't have to wait between Leon, Sid & Nancy or even The Scarlett Letter! To much newer works. Im working my way through from the beginning. 😳😳 imagine how his OG fans felt getting one or two projects every so often or a year. Having to wait to see the next film, if it was even released for very long in theaters (that's imo wild to think about). And then waiting months for it to come out on a dvd to see it if wasn't released for long. Or if you missed a show you would have to wait for it to repeat?!?! Things not being readily available would be so brutal, and here I was complaining that bridgerton season 3 was cut up in 2 parts!!! I couldn't binge it all in one day!! Patience is a virtue. And even Alan Rickman didn't get his "american debut breakthrough" until he was in his 40swith die hard. And he is a legend (just bc he passed away doesn't change the tense of his legendary status)! AHA has plenty of time, and is doing great. Imo.

Sorry for the side ramble, but I take issue with the idea that he can somehow do more than what he's done. He's right there are some things beyond our control. Or that his work ethic is somehow lacking, bc between owning a stake in a watch company( it being sold wouldn't change his stake/shares too much, maybe it made him more money?), doing multiple voice works, making movies, creating his own show and filming other shows/short films, and working for charities (plural) he's been a really really busy person. And side projects with photography. He's working fairly steadily and a lot. Choosing great projects from Shadows to RND. How much do they want him to work? Lol he doesn't exactly have a 9-5.

I'm still hoping that this movie will be the one that makes people see his skills, and set him up for the longevity he so desires. 😊😊😊 Best wishes to him and his lovely JM.

Edited to add, even though it's just his character that gets a mention, the reviews are positive. If he wasn't right or good in a stellar movie, it would have been mentioned. So he at the very least performed well enough to not get a bad review. So he's given another great performance!!!! But really with those two ladies as leads, with the story mostly focused on them, I'm impressed that his small role has been mentioned several times. Even if not by name right now, his part was noticed enough to make the articles, moreso than Nivola, in a P Almodóvar film that has Moore and Swinton in it. 😊😊 huzzah to anyone that's made it this far, still always surprised lol.

#ask answered #ask update #aha asks #aha #alex høgh andersen #alex hoegh andersen #alex hogh andersen

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levok · 2 years ago

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I mean, idk how easy it would be to buy the basis of latam food in a non-capital city in Sweden? A colleague from Columbia told me the food there is very similar to where I live, in the south of Brazil, and here we eat a lot of red meat, rice, beans, and the fruit must be different or super expensive. I would understand Linda having to adapt the food.

And I guess I see in them a first generation family in a completely different country. But like, their heritage hasn’t really been made a ✨plot point✨ - it’s just sort of there. I would need to see more of Linda’s dynamic with parents that aren’t so far out of her reality (filthy rich) to be able to vibe-check. Although I gotta say that she wouldn’t let any guests out of her house without having eaten something. She WOULD make Wilhelm sit down and eat dinner in s1 😂😂 Unless she’s been tipped off about the cultural differences and adapted. But my mamma WILL offer you at least three options of food and drinks as soon as you step foot inside, and you will have to accept something or she’ll be sad.

Also, maybe it’s because of how their family dynamic developed with the Micke situation and Simon’s parentification, and obviously there’s a huge variety of latam families, but Linda is *very* lenient for a latam matriarch. I don’t care how much she works and maybe isn’t there. It’s hard for all the shit her children pull to fly that smoothly here. Her son spent the night out without warning? Omg he would be in so much trouble for that. There were some times I’d frown at the screen and wait for her to go feral, and then she just… didn’t.

Idk, it turned into a ramble, but in summary: I can see how she would have adapted to some of the culture by living in Sweden for so long, and trauma might play into it, but Linda isn’t the stereotypical latam mum. It’s fine! It’s okay to stray from the stereotype, especially if you’re not gonna make it part of the plot and explore it, but there are some huh??? moments that make it clear she wasn’t written by someone with a lot of latam knowledge. It’s really fine, I’m not watching a Swedish show for my representation. Nothing was offensive either. I got my telenovelas and my Brazilian series 😂😂

Thanks for chiming in with your long read 😅 I’m also not the one to speak on how much and how little these things matters for the audience.

I just think you as a white creator have a responsibility, when you choose to make poc characters. It’s so easy to just white wash them all, but claim you have representation bc they have another skin color.

#ask #young royals

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schizosupport · 1 year ago

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hey :) so im currently having what is likely psychotic episode, ive experienced various trauma both through childhood and with sexual abuse, and currently have struggles with eating, self harm and also have extremely severe anxiety, depression and then bpd and adhd too

i think more than anything i just want the validation that it is psychosis, that it likely isn't real but it's okay, and that getting help IS a good thing, bc ive been rejected from the public health system for it bc apparently im not psychotic and it wont get worse- as well as any advice on what to do about it all (im in australia if that helps)

uhm. so there's this guy called lamben that showed up about two months ago now, and since then hes explained stuff around me needing to help him take down the queen of the opposing nation, bc shes hurting his people and he brought me some of the victims and theyd had severe burns and everything and it's all more around magic

and so ive been asked to train with him to use the powers i have that are stronger than all of his peoples, which i can see it's like black smoke almost, and then also talking to this other guy called kesan whos the queens assistant thats against what's happening

and so there's been a plan made and everything of how to infiltrate the castle and im terrified rn of going through with it in case i get caught and stuck and i dont take her down i get taken captive

and idk if i sound dumb but like. either im able to connect with another world or its psychosis

and everyones saying it isnt real but i need help navigating it all if youre able to offer anything at all

tysm, know this was a bit of a dump but ty 🫶🫶

Hi there!!

I'm happy you reached out to me. It sounds like you got a lot of stressful stuff going on at the moment, both in shared reality and private reality.

To respond very simply, what you describe sounds like a flavour of psychosis to me, based on my understanding of reality, and I hope you can access some competent help with it. It sounds like a really stressful position you've been put in, where you are the only one who has the ability to save these people you feel have been contacting you.

I'm wondering how you experience your connection to this world? Is it as if reality around you changes, are they coming to you in dreams, or a third option?

I'm asking because I'm wondering what it might entail in "shared reality" to infiltrate the queen's castle? If you think about the actions you'd have to take, is this something that could put you in danger or trouble within the reality that we share with most people?

I'm not doubting your experience and that it's a type of psychosis, I'm asking to get a feeling of what the "real life" implications are of your beliefs and the actions you are being asked to perform. It sounds like you are aware that these beliefs and experiences are unusual, and at the very least aren't aligned with the reality other people are generally experiencing. So I am hoping you are able to think through how you've been interacting with this other world so far, to compare how your actions would appear in shared reality.

Because the first question to think about is whether this has the potential to be dangerous to you or others. Because if it does, you may need to escalate the asking for help. I don't know a lot about Australia, but in my country that would look like contacting emergency services if you feel that you are in danger of doing something that can be dangerous. But I would suggest trying to ask someone Australian, to confirm if what emergency services has to offer is actually helpful.

If the answer is no, it's not dangerous, that doesn't mean it isn't causing you significant distress. But it means you have more space to safely explore your options for help in your own pace.

It might also be that the distress it's causing you is in some ways a welcome distraction from other brain and life issues at the moment. Sometimes psychosis can be a type of escapism that the brain engages in. For example if you feel powerless, it can feel good to have special powers to save others, at least for a while, until the pressure might get to be too much.

It's not necessarily black and white, only good or bad.

As far as help goes, I wonder if you currently have anyone like a therapist or anyone like that, to work through trauma etc with? Or other types of support? Psychosis can definitely be heavily linked to stress, and lacking support to work through other difficulties you're facing can make it worse. The help offered for psychosis itself is unfortunately often somewhat lackluster, often it starts and ends with antipsychotics, even though psychotic people do benefit from therapy. There's at the same time a tendency for mh professionals to dismiss symptoms of psychosis, and to focus on them very single-mindedly. Many people experience either being dismissed, or to have the psychosis being acknowledged while everything else gets pushed to the side. So it can be complicated to navigate the system while having psychosis and other issues that tie in with it.

I hope some of this was helpful, feel free to return to my inbox. I wish you the best ❤️

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keepyourpantsongohan · 1 year ago

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Ayesha Liveblogs Attack on Titan S4

Heading into the next season b4 I can think too much about it

Who are any of these soldiers? What an abrupt change in narration, considering Armin has done every intro until now

“Wasn’t I just flying around with a couple of swords in my hands? And there were Titans too.” That is also what I’m wondering, Falco

“The successor to the Armoured Titan.” PARDON?? ALSO DOES REINER HAVE A BEARD NOW??? THAT’S NEW

So wait, if the loss of Bertholdt and Annie’s Titans are what caused the war, does that mean this war has been going for a year, since the battle of Shiganshina? Or has more time elapsed that I’m not aware of

“This war has dragged on for four years now.” I guess that answers my earlier question, assuming my premise was true

I must once again offer a hearty ‘Military bad’ to all of this:

“Look, Colt, you’re the chosen successor of the Beast Titan.” How do ur Titan soldiers feel exactly when u tell them u’ve chosen who’s gonna eat ‘em

"Honestly, you might never find a warrior candidate who is as talented as me.” What I would give for Gabi’s level of unwavering self-confidence

“I don’t shoot kids,” said an adult, for the first time ever in the history of this show

Honestly, the context that Reiner, Annie and Bertholdt knew about the outside world and then still chose to make things worse for the people already living in Titan Hell Island just makes them harder to understand

[Zeke yells out of a blimp] [Dozens of parachuting Titans are created mid-air] So the Beast Titan ability is just to fucking??? Yell people into Titans??? ZEKE WHAT ON EARTH

This does explain where all of those Titan ppl were coming from in Shiganshina tho

“I’m sick and tired of all these walls.” Is that why you kept destroying them, Reiner??????

As a sidenote, now that there are visibly brown people on screen: The ONLY action anime that hasn’t made me feel weird about their brown-skinned characters is Bleach; granted I haven’t watched that many shows, but the depiction in AOT is about as yikes as I expected

[ATLA voice] “Did Reiner just die?” “You know, it was really unclear.”

“My father, Grisha Jaeger, set something great and terrible in motion on that island, and as his former son, I would like to be the end of it,” said Zeke, like he had nothing to do with anything terrible happening on Paradis and as if he can renounce paternity like a belief system

So it’s not a known factor that Zeke has royal blood? Also why is royal blood so important in this show lmao like isn’t a king just whoever conquered ur country most recently

Ymir confirmed for bury ur gays (poor Historia) but when one female Titan disappears, another one must apparently reappear

Also weird that there have been a number of Titans who are women but Annie gets to hold the Female Titan title just cause her Titan got tiddies

Reiner being an older brother figure to these Other Military Kids gives me acid reflux why am I compelled to have stake in someone who has done so many wrongs

“Surpass Gabi to protect her.” You see, ACID REFLUX

Also nausea-inducing: The transparent H******** analogies!! WHY

We interrupt this griping to notice: IS THAT EREN IN MARLEY WITH THE BLINDFOLD? THAT LOOKS LIKE EREN’S HAIR

Setting other things aside, that they had to have Reiner’s uncle say “Sorry nephew,” as a way to intro the fact that Reiner and Gabi are cousins is funny, bc no one would say that, why not just have Reiner say “Uncle”????

Because they’ve yet to check in at all with what has been going on on the island, it really does feel like a whole different spin-off

Annie’s being able to summon Pure Titans confirmed as a Female Titan ability

“Well, I’m running away as fast as I can,” said Reiner’s father, summing up the attitude of almost every parental figure on this show

Mad relate to Reiner becoming reliable to fulfill a need in the team

Reiner, Annie and Bertholdt don’t look older than 12 in the flashback, why must the core force of these armies always be pubescent

What even was the point of Annie tracking Kenny? Bc he was Uncle Uri’s BF?

“His legs are saying it’ll snow today, right?” “Yeah, but his torso’s saying clear skies.” Thomas and Connie using Bertholdt’s sleep positions to predict the weather 😭😭😭😭😭 Boys ur friend is a douche

“Thing is, I don’t want this other candidate to be picked.” “Why not? Is this rival of yours a girl by chance?” It’s DEFINITELY Eren, and wow, Eren assuming the only reason u would not want ur friend to be a Titan is bc she’s a girl, quit projecting ur life onto Falco

How exactly is Eren missing a leg can he STOP himself from regenerating?

Also whose idea was it for Eren to be at exactly the place that wants to kill him the most kjghkgjh what kinda weirdass plan

“I’m doing this for you!” “He really just up and said it!” The guards being invested in Gabi and Falco’s potential tween romance

I really cannot follow the Commander and Willy’s conversations, are they going to overthrow the governments of the world orrrrrr

“My name’s Jaeger, I’m an internment zone physician.” Oh my god, Eren’s meeting his grandpa

Ah, so Eren’s crazed rambling is hereditary, I guess

“I think I know why [this woman would save me]! She must be an Easterner from Hizuru.” Dshkjdhkfjh u must be East Asian in this Marleyan society in order to acquire empathy

Perplexed by the man in the kaffiyeh holding alcohol but perhaps that’s on me for not interrogating my own preconceived notions

“I got [Reiner] to come!” announced Falco to Eren excitedly, not knowing that he was facilitating a meeting of probably the two least sane people in the world at the moment

Lmao @ the sudden content warning on episode 64, like should I be newly worried

“What do you plan to do?” “The exact same thing you did. As for why? That’s the same too.” Incredible that all it takes to threaten Reiner is ‘I’m rubber you’re glue’ (also yikes at Eren implying he’s gonna fuck-up one third of Reiner’s country)

“I feel like I’ve seen you before.” Me too Pieck, I think Shady Helmet is Annie, and I love that for her

Falco’s lesson of the day: Stranger Danger

What exactly has Eren been doing the past four years that he now views himself as a villain and Willy feels confident to label him as such in a crowd of the whole world

“If all that was to save the world, then you didn’t have much choice,” said Eren, even though Reiner definitely did, and Eren definitely does now (military bad!!!)

Eren has defeated Reiner through the power of empathy and 10 years of deep-seated psychological trauma

“If I escaped while my people died en masse, the world would not rally to our cause.” Willy Tybur really willingly offered himself and a bunch of civilians to die to both smoke out Eren and to start a world war. And Eren really went through it, knowing he would be offering the first blow in the war, and killing a bunch of people of his same heritage! A game of cat and also cat (war crime edition)

“But I’m just as sure that we’re devils ourselves.” Who’s he calling the devils? Him and Tybur? The military? Non-Eldians as a whole? Commander Magath’s vibes are constantly oscillating, what’s his deal

I’m going to guess that the War Hammer Titan is Finé, since she is the only Tybur child to get a name

Update from 6 minutes later: It’s Auntie War Hammer, actually

The parallels between Udo and Eren trying to lift something off of their loved ones who have been crushed by debris. Sickening

Is it wrong to be happy that the Scouts are finally showing up? I mean, everyone is clearly on Murder Avenue, but hey, they are the protagonists

“You’ve killed so many civilians. Innocent people. Kids.“ Not to be pedantic, Mikasa, but he did that in Stohess like five years ago with Annie, that ship has sailed

Fascinated by everyone’s new looks now that they’ve abandoned most of their morality - not loving the slicked hair and goatee for Jean but Mikasa’s hair is fun

“Are a bunch of humans... really about to come and kill me?” U can’t put people on Titan Hell Island for 100 years and expect them not to learn how to kill Titans

“Stay alive; that’s an order.” Levi's steadfast look and personality are a welcome constant

I’m like, pretty convinced Eren is going to die at some point in this season, he seems pretty down and out and Armin ain’t the narrator for nothing

Oh hey, speaking of Armin, been a while since we’ve seen you, your hair looks nice but I guess you are also Unwell™

Did Levi just detonate a bomb on Zeke’s Titan face while he was still standing on it, what kinda wild tactics

“Did I hesitate because of that kid?” We’ll call it a mild victory that we didn’t have to watch Jean murder a child in cold blood

Wow the scouts have blimps now? They’ve really seen some benefit from travelling across the sea; decades of knowledge in five years

But seriously what the fuck did Eren, Armin and Mikasa DO in the past four years that caused them to look so haunted? I get that they’re fucked up by what they’re doing NOW but it seems like a pre-existing condition

“You have a real kickable face, you know that?” Ah, it seems that Eren did not have permission to go live in a place where people wanted to eat him

“We’ve fought the New Eldian Empire’s first battle, and it ended in Victory.” Guess Titan Hell Island has decided to embrace their title as Eldians? They didn’t even know what that was five years ago jghjgh

“Honestly, I’m just glad that we made it. I know this isn’t fair to the others, but you guys will always be special, to me.” Connie treating being close friends with Sasha and Jean like it’s a betrayal to the military kjhgjkhg

“Mr. Zeke was killed right in front of us.” Oh so Zeke’s like, dead dead?

“You’re one of the good ones.” Again, I want to emphasize how much I hate everything that’s happening right now

YIKES @ Sasha being shot by a child, are they gonna kill Gabi now?

Once again I must be thankful that Jean doesn’t love murder

Whomst the heck is Yelena, I thought we would be seeing an Annie comeback?? RIP

“Quite the performance, coming from a mangy furball.” SO WE’RE WORKING WITH ZEKE NOW? THE HELL IS GOING ON

“You noticed that trend [of rescuing Eren] and used it against us. Held yourself hostage to force our hand.” Both more manipulative and shrewd than I have come to expect from Eren; growth??????

I suppose we’re going to find out whomst the heck Yelena and Onyankopon are

“I was concerned for Historia’s safety.” Eren what happened to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu three years ago you were all still relatively.... yourselves

“Welcome to our defiled island of filth-blooded devils, you’re gonna to love it here.” Again, thank u to Levi for being who he is

“But as we gradually set aside the labels we have for one another, and worked to see each other as people, we can reach an understanding.” SCOOOOUTS WHAT HAPPENED TO UUUUUUUUUUUU WHERE ARE THE TEENS WHO PLAYED IN THE SEAAAAA

“Thank you for every tasty meal you made for her.” Ahhh Nicolo loved Sasha even despite their different upbringing that’s so sad

“Right, Annie? Say something, please.” Can’t remember if I brought this up when Armin first ate Bertholdt but imo it’s been an underpinning of Armin’s actions throughout the series that he has some deeper feelings for Annie, so it is not lost on me that both vessels of the Colossal Titan have liked Annie

It tickles me every time Hange calls Eren out for his crazed muttering

I can’t believe the pay-off for Mikasa being the only East Asian person on this island is that she’s a lost princess but of course, why not?

“But I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect match than you.” Okay Historia, I see your subtle flirt with Mikasa, I am not opposed to wlw princess vibes 👀👀👀👀👀👀

“Zeke will pass on the Beast Titan to an individual who has royal blood, and that person must spend the 13 years they’ll have left bearing as many children as possible.” Gross. Also if this so-called royal blood is so important, it really should be Zeke who fucks as many child-bearing people as possible bc someone with functioning testes can typically make waaaaaaaaaaaaay more babies in that time than someone with a uterus

EUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I HATE THAT HISTORIA IS HAVING A BABY JUST FOR MILITARY PURPOSES; GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh wait, she chose to find a partner and get pregnant in opposition to the military’s timeline? Hmmmm, still hate it

Hahahaha I guess now we know why everyone’s so much beefier, they were building railroads

“You brats got taller. It’s like you’re sprouting up just to spite me.” Hahaha Levi

Eren’s friends all going around and offering to be his Titan heir (and, as a result, EAT HIM) is so fucking funny, Jean being too smart, Connie and Sasha being too dumb, Mikasa being too valuable (not to mention the fact she could never eat Eren jkhgkjhg)

“Because you’re important to me. More than anyone ese. I hope... you’ll live long lives.” [Eren’s entire friend group blushes] I too wonder, Jean, what the hell kind of mood they’re trying to set here kjhgkhgkgh

Jean raises a very fair point about Eren not caring who lives or dies if he’s willing to send his whole friend group into battle

Tho as a counter to Connie, he of all ppl should recognize laughter as a trauma response

Like, laughing is exactly what Eren did when Hannes died, and he was definitely mourning then

Also good that we are finally getting some Current Emotional Narrative Focus on the literal PROTAGONISTS

“All are welcome at the Braus Stables,” I can’t believe Sasha’s parents are taking in the kid who killed their daughter oh nooooooooo

Wow Louise, what an unexpected callback to the evacuation of Trost

“But [the invasion of Marley] was recent, and my mother was killed four whole years ago.” Kaya is also an unexpected callback, but damn, I don’t think u can talk Gabi out of her dedication to generational sin

Side note: The legacy of Sasha rescuing a child vs the child who murdered her, super fucked up

“You don’t have to apologize for Marley, you just happened to be born there.” Kaya killing Gabi with kindness

Incredibly pot-kettle for Reiner to have any objection to Zeke defecting lmao he did exactly what you did, dude

“Well, you are a boy at that age; I bet you’d like to do all kinds of ‘discovering’ with Annie, if you could.” On one hand, Hitch u right, on the other hand, Armin would never get involved-involved with Annie unless it was reciprocated, and on a foot, he’s like 20 now right? Shouldn’t he have a grasp on his hormones by this point hgjhgkjhg

Yelena’s description of Eren’s divine fury is truly filling in the Venn diagram of Death Note and AOT fans huh

“You’re right that there would be no harm in letting us talk to him, so why would [Premier Zachary] forbid it?” My current guess is he’s testing how well Armin and Mikasa will abide by military orders

Well, Armin’s guess is usually better than mine, so I guess it’s Plan E(at Eren)

Did Eren just bisect the Premier?????????? Eren, once again I am asking, what the fuck??????????????

“We believe that whoever delivered the chair must’ve planted a bomb in it.” Oh good, it was not Eren, but it was probably those fanatic scout recruits

“Armin. The hell is going on right now?” Same, Mikasa, same

On a more lighthearted note, was the timeskip (aside from being a shorthand for large leap in character motives) mostly to age and beef Eren up, because it would’ve been harder to pull off this Messiah on the Hill moment if Eren were still a skinny fifteen-year-old?

“But as a result [of adapting to turbulent times] our prestige has been reduced to the point where we’re now derided as a pack of wretched, money-grubbing vixens.” Hey now, Lady Azumabito, what’s wrong with being a money-grubbing vixen

“Armin and I were there when the bomb went off; we almost got killed by the blast.” But whether Eren instigated the assassination or not (I suspect not) seriously I do not fuck with any version of Eren that would let Armin or Mikasa die what happened to the boy who was ready to have an all-out brawl with Levi on the chance Armin could get to live?????

Another mild bit of knowledge I recently had was that Eren would eventually look older and have long hair. In S3 Part II, I was incredibly convinced that that would come as a result of defection based on Armin’s death. And I’m not saying timeskips are always pointless, but they are often used to get around the fact the character you wrote just Wouldn’t Do That

Eughhhhhh they are finally explaining how Zeke has been long-distance Titan transforming, poor Ragako and Connie :(

“And seeing as you murdered every person who lived there, you should learn the name, you bearded shit.” Levi is the only person in this show that gives me any kind of peace

HAHAHAHAHA a moment of recognition for this dialogue (it’s me I’m the ladies - also RIP Petra)

Zeke: Doubt you were well-liked by the ladies. Considering how you think you know what everyone else is feeling.

Levi: I do know. And I was liked enough. So.

Zeke, who has never been liked by a lady, bitterly: Well, good for you!

“Guess that makes us even, you Eldian devil.” 1) The fuck, Nicolo 2) Is that wine poisoned or smth

Update from 7 minutes later: Yes, but also no

Well I think with Gabi’s murderous monologue there goes the last of whatever sanity Nicolo had left

The Scouts still not wanting harm to come to Gabi despite her killing their friend :(

The way that Mr. Braus is holding that knife against his fingers really looks like he’s about to cut his hand a la the Titan Gang but that would be an abrupt change of scene

“Way I see it, when it comes to shoulderin’ the sins and hatreds of the past, that burden should fall to adults like you and me.” MR. BRAUS <3

Kaya’s murderous rage about Sasha was entirely expected but still sad

So like...... everyone in the military who drank that wine will become a Titan whenever Zeke wants? HORRIFYING

“What the hell became of the hope we all looked towards?” Oh don’t worry Levi, things are about to get much, much worse

“Why would I want that? Always with the killing. It’s like it’s all you ever think about. Just like someone else I know.” Armin said: Gabi, you remind me of my BFF Eren, who also loves murder <3

Eren said: Speak of the devil and he doth appear

Floch has never had a good opinion in his whole damn life, everything he says, I’m like ‘go fuck yourself, Floch’

“And you wouldn’t put us at risk either. You care about us more than anyone!” THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING MIKASA (itslazywriting.jpg)

“Then part of you has become Bertholdt. Within you is an enemy, who has feelings for another enemy.” I think Armin had feelings for Annie pre-eating Bertholdt, but maybe that’s just me

Eren calling Mikasa, a survivor of human trafficking, a slave, is gross as hell. Eren can go fuck himself too. WHAT HAPPENED TO ‘YOU’RE IMPORTANT TO ME!’ THESE ARE YOUR FRIENDS, MAN!!!!!!!! THE NARRATIVE HAS YET TO GIVE ME A GOOD JUSTIFICATION FOR WHY YOU’RE SUCH A DICK NOW

“The mere sight of you has always made me so damn angry. And now I finally know why. I just couldn’t stand to look at a slave with no mind of her own, who always followed orders without question.” SHUT THE FUCK UP EREN, ARMIN AND MIKASA WERE YOUR FRIENDS FOR YOUR ENTIRE CHILDHOOD, AND YOU LOVED THEM, DUMBASS

“Believe me when I say this, Mikasa. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve hated you.” I will note that Eren and Mikasa’s relationship has always had a weird tone bc Mikasa was exuding a ‘siblings by chance <3 lovers by choice’ energy but Eren, despite not responding to those feelings, LOVED HER AS A FRIEND! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GUY WHO VOWED TO PROTECT MIKASA AND DISCOVERED HIS COORDINATE POWERS IN AN EFFORT TO PROTECT HER???? WHY ARE WE IGNORING THE PAST THREE SEAAAAAAASONSSS UGH

HONESTLY? GOOD FOR ARMIN, I’D ALSO PUNCH EREN!!!!!

“Is there any wine left?” “Of course not, we’ve been here a month, there’s not a single drop left.“ If Levi becomes a Titan or is killed I will riot. This show is already hot wet garbage, I can’t see it getting any better in the remaining half season

Thank god for Levi, who has done so many wrong things, but has principles, and I love him with my whole dumbass heart

“I want you to beat up the Commandant here mercilessly until he can’t stand anymore.” Eren and Floch 2022 for the Worst President and Vice President that any nation has ever seen

Update from two years later: I can’t believe I am STILL watching this stupid fucking show

“Your throw has some serious heat behind it, Zeke!” You’re telling me that Zeke’s entire Titan fighting style and ideology is based on the fact that he’s good at baseball and Ksaver zoned in on his daddy issues

“The truth is, [your parents] never loved you,” said Ksaver to Zeke, in what might be a true statement, but still probably is something you shouldn’t say to a child

So given his youth respective to Annie & co., Zeke is supposed to be what, max 10 years older than Eren? He’s 30? He’s aged like sour milk

“Would it be possible for the Founder to make it so that none of us can have children anymore?” What’s the endgame of this eugen!cs plotline 4 real bc it makes me want to throw up

So Zeke’s plan... is to have Eren... enforce eugen!cs by way of mass sterilization????? Why would someone write this story? Why am I still watching this story? I hate it, I hate it so much

“If the Eldians in this town had never been born, then none of them would have to suffer and die in the plan that you and I are about to carry out,” said Eren, like he and Zeke weren’t 100% responsible for each and every suffering from hereon out

WHY DO PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE HAVE EREN POSTERS ON THEIR WALLS?? EREN GIVE ME SOME HOPE UR NOT ENTIRELY THE WORST AND YOU’VE GOT SOME OTHER OBJECTIVE OR PLAN IN MIND, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me, still trying to finish this show despite the bone arsenic it gives me every episode:

I still don’t think Levi is dead despite being exploded upon (twice), however he dies (as I’m almost sure he will), he’s gonna go out fighting

Now that I think about it, I assume he will fight Eren, and I hope he kicks him in the ass

“Assuming that he hasn’t just lost it, I don’t see him [hurting Armin and Mikasa] without having some kind of reason.” Finally, a word of sense. Jean and Levi 2022 for a Government Which Still Probably Sucks, But At Least The Public Can Trust That They Have Some Kind of Sense of the Common Good

I can’t believe Gabi is STILL holding onto the Good Eldian/Bad Eldian dichotomy in spite of everything she’s seen

“But to think that your cause was so noble. It just touched my heart!” I am assuming Armin’s crocodile tears to Yelena also have some greater plot purpose

Eren said: Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal Pieck

Turns out, I was wrong. Levi is dead. THANKS FOR NOTHING, AOT

WAIT, HANGE TOOK HIM, I’M HOLDING OUT MINIMAL HOPE

“I saw a girl I didn’t know, sculpting the earth to reform my body.” Queen Ymir, I guess?

“I don’t trust Marley one bit. Having said that, I trust the comrades who fought at my side completely.” Pieck as the only person in this dumbass military who has some perspective

They really do just breeze past Gabi being chained to Pieck’s severed hand LMAO, where does the cuff go?

Yelena’s learning of Eren’s no. 1 skill: Not listening to anyone

“Who else could talk Marley into doing something so stupid?” Firstly, pot-kettle, Eren, and secondly, yeah, sounds about right. Reiner and Eren remain the most out of their minds of anyone in this whole show

Magath really talking about bringing an end to 2,000 years of hatred like Marley had nothing to do with it

I’m not sure what the Jaegerists were expecting, their artillery isn’t really designed to fight people one-on-one

“I’d like to hear [Onyankopon] out at least. ‘Kay?” Armin’s kekkei genkai is immeasurable patience. My god

“[...] That the world is more interesting with different kinds of people. I think you believe that. And I think that belief goes against everything Zeke’s doing.” I just don’t understand what the end game is here! Like, what is the point!!!!!!!! What are you trying to say!!!!!!!!!

“Do you actually believe Eren wants to stop all Eldians from having children? You honestly think he’d go along with that?” NO ARMIN, THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING FOR THE LAST HALF SEASON

All this said: Starting to lose my faith, buddy, seems a little too optimistic at this point

Fnfjnfjfnf Eren’s friends said: I’ll rescue him, but I’m not happy about it

Poor Falco and Nile, hate that that they’re sitting in a dungeon, waiting to be turned into Titans. Zeke, ur the worst

“I’m glad that we’re fighting towards a common goal, now.” Can I just say, I am glad that for once since this season began, the Scouts/104th cadet corps have some sense of agency? Good grief

Quick question, what in the fuck is wrong with Yelena? What kind of Junji Ito-ass expression did she just make?

Also, doesn’t bode well for Armin that Yelena agrees with him

If Nile gets shot for trying to help Falco see his brother, I’m gonna scream

“There were never any devils on this island.” FINALLY, GABI!!!!!!!!!! It took like, at least 4 different encounters with kind people (Jean and co., the Braus family, Armin, Nile) for the lesson to stick

“So yeah, Udo and Zofia are dead ‘cause of me. And also, I’m in love with you.” Being 12-years-old is tough in this economy

Colt really has a lot of information to process about his brother today. Confessing to unintentionally facilitating mass casualty, love, and his imminent death/dehumanization

“So that’s where my dear little Pieck met her end.” Is it though? No body, no death

Yeah, thought so. Zeke’s never been correct about anything

Does the ep title ‘Two Brothers’ foreshadow both Zeke and Falco dying, as one of half of two brothers? Truly unfortunate for Falco, he’s just a little guy

The real question is if the Scream can also compel Armin, or Annie. They’ve never tried it on Intelligent Titans, I don’t think

Also, Annie was able to Scream Titans to do stuff, back in those woods. She could also be of royal blood?

Also speaking of the whole royal blood thing, if Zeke’s spinal fluid’s ability to turn people into Titans is unique, how were they doing it before Zeke inherited the Beast? Like how did the whole penal colony angle function if Grisha and Dina were turned BEFORE Zeke inherited? Does any Titan spinal fluid work, and if so, why is it so difficult to obtain? Riddle me that

I don’t even have the energy to process how fucked up what just happened was. Nile, Pyxis, and every damn soldier down there getting turned into monsters with no out but death. Falco inadvertently incinerating his brother (for nothing! Porco is going to sacrifice himself anyway!! Colt’s death served NO purpose other than demonstrating his love for his brother)

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WHAT

WHAT??????????????????????????????????

EREN?????????????? WHAT???????? THE FUCK?????????

“Those chains around your neck.” “I was starting to wonder if you ever going to say anything about that. Well, even if it took a while, I appreciate your concern.” Zeke said: Don’t worry, we may be in Titan Purgatory, but I have still retained my passive aggressive personality

“Do you seriously believe I’d euthanize the Eldian people?” FUCKING FINALLY EREN! PLEASE TELL ME YOUR PLAN IS TO GET RID OF THE ABILITY TO TRANSFORM INTO TITANS

“I waited to hear your true feelings, and that was the right decision.” This really is the season of sudden but inevitable betrayals

What’s the point of having a Founding Titan or Coordinate at all if you need royal blood to use it? Seems redundant, since it seems like Zeke can more or less control Titans on his own. Is it only the biology thing

“He sacrificed his children on the altar of nationalism.” Absolutely hate to say it, but Zeke, for once in his life, has a point

If the rest of this season could be Baby Eren chasing butterflies, that would be much appreciated. I’d watch 10 hours of that

“He was a shitty human being who did a shitty job as a father.” I like it that it’s Dumping on Grisha Hours, it’s vaguely cathartic

Lmao at Eren ‘you’ve undone his brainwashing’ hahaha u could hold ur stupid fucking plan for months or years, but somehow u think this’ll work? Same old impatient guy

“Why did he wait so long [to take the Founding Titan]?” Hahaha Zeke’s finding out the reality that not all siblings are raised equally

“He set aside his mission for the sake of his son. Would’ve been nice if he could’ve done that for me. Good for you, though.” Take a shot every time Zeke is passive aggressive and develop severe liver damage

The one bit of world-building here that doesn’t give me bone arsenic is that people can develop autonomy within these memories, and seem to have some access to the future. It’s interesting

“I came into this world ready for a fight.” Eren said: Murder is my only personality trait

“I won’t move on if it means abandoning you.” Wild that both Grisha and Zeke decide to put their plans on hold for Eren’s sake, when Eren seems to care so little for it in response

Eren really does have his dad’s whole face, huh:

“The power of the Attack Titan offers us brief glimpses into the lives of those yet to inherit it. Meaning, it allows to witness events in the future.” Ohhhhhh so it turns out Paternity-TSD is not just a Titan thing, it is an Attack Titan thing

“Eren will get everything he wants.” I can’t believe that Grisha’s fall from grace comes from EREN being the one to force his hand, through memories alone, to kill the Founding Family. Eren said: Uno reverse, Dad! I AM THE SHITTY FATHER EVERYONE DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT

Imagine, momentarily, being followed around by a grown version of your 9-year-old who incites you to commit violence. No wonder Grisha’s like this

“But even so, I will always love you. If only... I’d let you be my son instead of trying to make you a soldier.” Is this a hurtful or a healing experience for Zeke

So ur tellin’ me Founder Ymir got Titan powers by falling down a well inside of a tree? Okay Grimdark Inuyasha

Pretty fucked up that the royal family got the Founding Titan power through coerced reproduction, but what in this show isn’t fucked up? I’m so tired

If Maria, Rose, and Sina all had kids, I still think Annie could be from the royal blood line. We’ve got Zeke and Historia from two different blood lines, that still leaves one blond to go

Also also also this backstory doesn’t answer the question of how everyone else became a Subject of Ymir. Is everyone from Titan Hell Island her direct descendant? That doesn’t make any sense, because then everyone would be descended from Fritz also. Honestly the thing I suspect (and have suspected, ever since Ragako) is that anyone can be turned into a Titan, not Eldians specifically

Although, this Foundervision makes it seem like all Eldians do specifically have a specific link to Ymir. Is the implication all the people in that society had a little piece of her? Honestly none of the royal bloodline stuff makes any sense if you think about it for more than a few minutes

“The Titans of the Walls will continue their march until every trace of life beyond our shores is trampled flat, and the people of Paradis, are all that remains of humanity.” Eren said: Survival of the craziest

To paraphrase a tumblr post: If you go to the circus for advice, don’t be surprised when it’s delivered to you by a clown

This episode is called Thaw, which means FINALLY Annie. I have been waiting for her to come back to the side of the Scouts!

Honestly, kind of surprised it’s taken Reiner this long to give up LOL

“We’re doing what they feared we’d do, because we have to.” Do you have to, Jean? DO YOU?

“He did this for his friends. Eren wants to protect us, even if it means killing everyone else on the planet.” [B99 VOICE] COOL MOTIVE, STILL MURDER, JEAN

Well, Connie’s psychological break is much to be expected, I guess

The Braus family and Nicolo automatically protecting Gabi despite how much she’s hurt them personally <3 I love them

“There’s a devil in me, Kaya. And in you, and in everyone else. That’s why our world’s the way it is. There’s a devil inside us all.” I mean, yeah, but I fail to see why you use this framework of oppression metaphors if ur suggesting that everyone is on equal moral standing, because it reeks of ‘there are bad people on both sides’ which like. Then why frame it as slave and subjugator? Why not just frame it as a conflict of nations? They are different metaphors

Armin thanking Pyxis and wishing him rest as he puts him down. Ahhhh oh Armin :( <3

“You survived.” “Damn, no need to sound so excited about it.” That’s also how I feel about Floch, Jean

“I can’t say for sure, but if Eren could do [a Titan transformation reversal], I think he would’ve done it for our comrades that Zeke turned into Titans, instead of leaving them for us to kill.” Armin still hoping for empathy from Eren despite his plot to kill everyone in the world

Although, this does make a bit of sense as to why Eren also reacted so strongly to Zeke trying to scream. He couldn’t undo what Zeke was about to do

“When he brought the walls down, he did it by breaking all Titan hardening, everywhere.” ANNIEEEEEEEEEEE

Turns out Hitch, Annie’s former roommate and prison guard, is voiced by the same VA as Wendy from Fairy Tail. I knew she sounded familiar LOL

Gjklgglhgkjh @ Annie’s story being ‘your found family can also be garbage’

Annie [Tiktok audio voice]: Traumatize ur parents BACK

LMAO @ THIS BANTER, GUESS IT’S BEEN ROUGH FOR ANNIE NOT TO BE ABLE TO SAY ANYTHING FOR THE PAST HALF DECADE

Hitch: Okay wait. I don’t need to hear your entire life story.

Annie: I didn’t need to hear about every failed relationship you’ve had in the past four years. It’s not going to kill you to let me talk for a few minutes.

Did Annie’s dad just die???? It remains unclear

Not to state an obvious point but the Jaegerists are so icky. Who has the capacity for a military coup in the middle of a mass casualty event which affected EVERYONE, including them. Fuckhead Floch, that’s who

Also Shadis admitting he’d let the recruits attack him on purpose and advising them to not fight the coup! He really is a good teacher

“There’s no point in worrying about Eren. We can’t stop him, he’s a lost cause!” Armin has finally reached the limit of his near infinite patience

Not Mr. Braus calling Connie a decent sort to Gabi when Connie’s mid-way through a plan to murder her friend

“Be as annoying, selfish and arrogant as you please.” “Well, that’s kinda rude.” Jean truly deserves to be the protagonist of this show

Connie and Armin going to bat who will be the most mentally unwell companion to their traumatized 12-year-old. Based on Armin’s “Levi saving the wrong person” comment, there seems a very real possibility that Armin might offer to let Connie’s mum eat him instead

“He’s just a poor bastard who refuses to die.” LEVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII LOVE U, NO BODY NO DEATH

I can’t believe Hange’s explanation for Levi not dying via explosive blast is ‘he’s just built different’

I guess he did lose a couple of fingers but my real question is why have u advanced in all technologies except for prosthetics. Feels like that should be a common need here

Appreciate Levi stating Pieck (Finger) and (Theo) Magath’s full names for exposition lol

“Sasha. Would you have understood what I’m about to do?” Considering all of Sasha’s love towards her siblings and protecting kids, no, probably not, Connie

DEAR GOD. THE BEST PLAN CONNIE COULD COME UP WITH IS ASKING FALCO TO BRUSH HIS TITAN MUM’S TEETH. HE TRULY IS THE DUMBEST OF THE ALIVE SCOUTS, AND THAT’S INCLUDING EREN

Full disclosure I had to stop watching this episode bc of all the things this show has made me watch, the concept of Connie trying to Hansel and Gretel this 12-year-old child has pushed me to my limits. I’m back now and I’m gonna try my best

PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME WATCH ARMIN DIE AGAIN, I WILL CRY. PLEASEEEEEEEE

Update from 1 minute later: OH THANK GOD

“I want to try and become the kind of soldier my mum would be proud of,” said Connie, as the child he’d almost murdered wheezed in the background

“Guess whatever you’re worried about doesn’t really bother Jean.” Is it weird that I am kind of hoping Mikasa and Jean end up together? There’s something compelling about how they’re both simultaneously so fucked up in slightly opposite ways now

KFJHKFH the comedy of Annie just being sat right beside Armin and Connie as they theorize about her

“Goodbye. Sincerely, your gloomy roommate.” Me whenever I leave the house

[Mocking] “And I get to live out my life with your sad little gang of xenophobic shitheads?” Onyankopon makes a direct and accurate hit

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I KNEW JEAN WOULDN’T MURDER HIS FRIEND!!! GO SCOUTS!!!!!!!!!

“Don’t you ever brush your teeth [as a Titan]?” “You shouldn’t ask such things, I’m a lady, remember?” LMAO Hange asking the real questions about titan dentistry

“Then that burning pile of bones would’ve haunted me for the rest of my life.” Jean truly has never stopped being in love with Marco this whole time. Bisexual king

“Let’s go.” “Go where?” “To end this, and save the world.” Alright, alright, they do know how to refocus my attention:

The scar on Jean’s dream wife’s cheek showing he still has feelings for Mikasa <3 Ahhh

I appreciate this retrospective on how they coordinated the attack, though it does probably mean the last eps in this part will not advance the narrative that much

“I’ll do it. Eren’s killed too many already. I won’t sit back and watch him steal more lives.” Good for Mikasa!!!

“You remember Willy Tybur’s speech. What’s the world gonna do when we prove him right?” Jean reasonably points out that Eren has essentially guaranteed the destruction of either civilization (Paradis v. the Outside World)

I continue to be surprised about how explicit Armin and Hange have been about the fact Eren is committing geno-[GUNSHOT NOISE]

I know it was established last episode that this was still about Marco for Jean but it’s brought into sharper relief when they have a mise en scene dedicated to every single person they’ve lost, and then Marco gets his own panel. Everything always returns to unresolved trauma and transparent metaphors for bisexuality:

“Hange. In the end, I’ll always be a Scout.” Jean said: I will prevent our friend from committing crimes against humanity, but I’m not like, happy about it

“Compared to the sum of the carnage and misery wrought by Eldia, your island’s suffering is a joke.” I know Magath is probably trying to test their conviction in standing against Eren, but what a dick thing to say to the people whose lives and homes you have been actively destroying for ten years

Also Magath being a poster child for propaganda efficacy

“If we’re going to be at each other’s throats, let’s stick to arguing about stuff we’ve lived through ourselves.” That’s what I’m saying, Hange

God. Mikasa and Armin STILL wanting to get through to Eren to convince him to stop the Rumbling AFTER everything that’s happened. The residual loyalty Eren has proved himself beyond reciprocating

“We shouldn’t be fighting,” said Annie, right after provoking Mikasa to fight

Are we finally going to see the fucking point of Yelena as a character? Being from Marley makes sense for her, but honestly I feel like all she’s done is be like, Non-Island Floch (inciting violence and planning insurrection in her group of volunteers/Jaegerists), and we don’t really need two of those, do we?

“Who wouldn’t want to imagine themselves as the saviour of hundreds of millions of innocent lives? To wash the bitterness of hatred out of their mouths with the honeyed taste of righteousness. From where I sit, it seems like that’s what all of you are doing right now.” Yelena said: Actually, you guys are stopping the wholesale slaughter of all other people on earth for selfish reasons

How the fuck do any of these guys trust drinking alcohol after what happened with Zeke??????????? JEAN YOU WORRY ME

Kind of glad the Scouts got an explanation from Reiner and Annie for how Marco died? At least they get some closure

“We all just started fighting, and assumed it had to be to the death.” Well. In more direct terms, Reiner, Bertholdt and Annie did actually try to kill you all, Jean, but I see what you’re saying about non-lethal force being an option in your lives

“Don’t forgive me. I’m truly worthless.” Bold of you to assume anyone was gonna forgive you, Reiner? LOL

Yeah, Jean beating him up is a very fair response

“Gabi. I’m sorry about kicking you. You okay?” “I’m tougher than I might look, I’m fine.” “I’m glad. Reiner, you’re not getting an apology.” Hahahaha love every bit of this for Jean <3

The way the ep preview is a pic which looks like it’s promoting Armin and Connie’s buddy comedy film, Unhinged and Unhinged-er

I’m glad the Scouts still advocate for non-lethal force, however idealistic

“For now, just stay out of it.” Annie and Reiner said: Our bad for destroying your homeland <3 We will kill your friends so you don’t have to; that’s teamwork!

“Forgive me. All of you. I was... a fool. I’m sorry for my behaviour last night. We were never in the right. I deluded myself into thinking we were the good guys. I wanted to believe the evil I’d done was justified as part of some great cause.” What an absolutely rapid as hell turn-around for Magath, choking out Yelena one (1) time and hearing Gabi and Falco plead for help caused him to self-reflect? Or more likely it’s a Erwin-esque Inspire-to-Death speech

“There’s no way to avoid spilling more blood today. So please, look the other way.” “I’m not doing that. I refuse to let someone else stain their hands in my place.” Armin said: We can murder our OWN friends, thank you very much, Magath

“You won’t make your world any less violent by making it smaller.” Lady Azumabito having some of the realest dialogue of any character

“In any world, it’s important to understand our place [...] This [island] is the world now. You need to recognize your place in it.” Floch said: Have you heard of racism? I have reinvented it

You see? This is why we don’t need two Flochs. One is already too much

Floch has never said anything worthwhile in his whole damn life. Get got Floch. I don’t have a lot of faith in Armin’s plan, but if Floch dies, that’s probably a win for everyone

Fully didn’t realize Daz, Scout who loved to cry about how he was going to die, was still alive. I imagine not for long

Update from 8 mins later: RIP Daz and Samuel

“We’re with you. Eren has to finish the job or this island is doomed.” Armin. This is the best plan your huge brain could come up with? Connie has rubbed off on you in a bad way

It’s a good thing being shot through the face cannot kill Armin atm

Better to have tried and failed at a non-violent solution, I guess

There go the last crumbling threads of Connie and Armin’s mental health

How did Floch NOT die at point blank range of two Titans transforming? Proximity to one transformation was enough to kill Colt! Unbelievable

Well, he got his about 15 minutes later, so there we go

This entire season is just a glorified trolley problem, huh?

“Violence will always be part of human existence. Won’t it, Captain?” Levi looks exhausted. Me too, man

Falco has really handled being in charge of one of the world’s only nine sentient biological weapons as best he could for being 12. He’s trying his best to help

SHADIS!!!!!!! I was curious who took out the reinforcement train

“Last chance for you to take a swim.” “No. I’ll stay. I’ve been looking for a good end to this life.” Shadis said: I must die in the most dramatic way possible

“It’s far too late, but I’ve finally realized how happy I would’ve been if those kids could’ve led normal lives.” Magath is the only adult in this show ever to admit that having child soldiers is bad LMAO:

I’ll hand it to Shadis and Magath, that was a pretty cool way to die

Though Magath’s comment about Shadis being remembered as a hero doesn’t make a lot of sense, considering he was about to explode any and all witnesses to Shadis being there

Annie taking the inevitable loss of Liberio the hardest (unsurprising as everyone else there has lived through the hell of the past four years, while Annie was quite literally frozen in time, regardless of physical aging)

“I don’t want to fight anymore. Not with any of you. Not even with Eren.” Oh, Annie

“It could be that he’s always been like this inside. But if this is the real Eren Jaeger, what did I see in him, that made me keep him so close?” A question we’ve all perhaps been wondering, Mikasa

“They’ll try to feed the car carrots if they manage to catch it.” “Hahah, give them more credit than tha—Wait, are they buying carrots?” I appreciate that we get this reprieve after all of the violence

Also I haven’t said much about Onyankopon because he’s normal and nice, but I do enjoy him

“Well, look at that another enemy immigrant.” To be clear, this show DOES feel like it’s hate-criming me but it seems redundant to discuss that when they’re in the middle of a [LOUD FORGORN NOISE]

LMAO @ Levi being the one to cause the scene after his snark

“You’ve come to make it known that the people of Paradis wish to coexist in peace?” Well, that plan didn’t go very well, it seems

“Mikasa, what am I to you?” Eren said: It is time to talk about the unspoken crush you’ve had on me for 9 years, Mikasa

Hahaha good for the 104th cadets, getting to party and let loose with one another like actual teens for once. Also the way that Mikasa, Eren, Armin and Jean are laid out in the centre does pull at my heartstrings:

“What If I’d given him a different answer? Would we still be in this situation right now?” Mikasa, I don’t think romance would’ve fixed Eren

Eren would literally rather kill everyone on the planet than make Historia become a Titan and have children for the military’s sake. Chivalry is not dead I guess, unlike everyone else on the planet

I can’t believe Eren floated this plan by Historia!! Replacing one burden with an even heavier burden

“There are straightforward explanations for all the behaviours you’re describing, that have nothing to do with genetics or conditioning. [Mikasa] doesn’t slaughter Titans out of some inborn compulsion to keep you alive. She does it because she adores you.” LOL @ Zeke having to be the one who explains this to Eren. The closest he ever comes to actually being a big brother

Now that I’m thinking about it: Where the hell is Zeke? He seems nigh unkillable, are we saying that Eren’s transformation did him in? No body, no death

“That’s what I need. For them to live long and happy lives.” 1) Did you really think, knowing your friends, that any of them would be happy with you killing everyone? 2) Armin is on a timeline just like you, so if we have to take the 13-years-since-Titan-inheritance to live at face value (Idk that I do. I do think it’s something they could lie about), he’s also got less than ten years to live and 3) Doing cruel things out of love does not make them any less cruel!!

Can I just say a big fuckin hoo boy to Eren’s whole life

Their vaguely-brown accents have gotten a lot worse since that first battle with Marley LMAO. 3/10, hire a brown person

“I imagine, we learn that our wish isn’t possible. We never find a way to save Paradis.” My name’s Eren Jaeger and I was born with the gift of self-fulfilling prophecy

This genuinely is sickening to watch. What’s the fucking point

Of course Eren is killing his and Zeke’s grandparents. Why not?

“It’s weird how at ease I feel,” said Armin to Annie, as if it were not kind of a dick thing to say whilst her hometown was being trampled

“What I wanted was to see you.” Armin said: It’s time to talk about MY unspoken crush I’ve had on Annie for the past 4 and a half years!!

“Good is just what people call people who help them.” Armin really dropping some of his most compelling moral philosophy mid-confession

“So when did this start?” “When did what start?�� It is SOOOOO funny that they’re choosing to address the romance angle between Annie and Armin NOW, when the whole fucking world is being brutally, unforgivably murdered. YOU COULDN’T HAVE DONE THIS, LIKE, A COUPLE OF EPISODES AGO

Are Yelena and Pieck the same voice actress because they both have a mild lisp like they’re talking around a retainer

“Even trying to say sorry feels presumptuous.” It is, Reiner! You’re learning something. Perhaps, like 10 years too late, but still!

Annie hugging Reiner goodbye even after acknowledging he’s the one who started all this. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh

It’s very kind of Team Save the World to all be so understanding of the fact Annie no longer has any desire to fight

Floch said: I would like to be a problem one last time before I mega-die

“Armin Arlert. As of now I appoint you 15th commander of the Scout Regiment.” Hange said: I volunteer as next for mega-death!!!!

Levi scout-saluting Hange on her heart instead of his.... Ahhhhhhhh

Hange joining all the fallen Scouts in what seems like a very chill afterlife. Good for her

“Killing Zeke should end the Rumbling.” Ah, apparently Zeke is somewhere in his little brother’s Titan body like an extremely fucked up babushka doll. Or a tick

“He died cursing my name. Calling me a traitor, while I told myself I was saving the world. Was it the same? For your team? You, Bertholdt and Annie. Is this what it felt like?” It is also extremely funny that whenever someone does something really terrible to a huge group of people they look at Reiner and go, ‘Is this what it’s like to be you?’ and he goes, ‘Yeah. :(’

It’s also a callback to when he and Bertholdt were Connie’s dads. Shout-out to a less complicated time

“It’s like he wants to find how we’re going to respond to what he’s done.”

Eren Jaeger 🤝 Itachi Uchiha

Deciding the appropriate judgment for committing a pre-emptive massacre against a huge group of people is having your loved one(s) beat your ass

The fact that Eren’s friends are STILL trying to talk him down. God. It is so much more than he deserves:

“But from you, I will take nothing.” Except most of the buildings on our island, the Scout leadership’s influence over the government, the fellow recruits I have radicalized for my cause, at least two of our closest friends who died as a direct result of my actions, every friend you made in Liberio, your sense of personal agency over the future, any hope you had for peace, and any remnants of sanity that you have left

“You will only stop my advance when you stop me from breathing. And you are free to try.” Eren said: We interrupt this plane ride for a message from our Founder. Hey besties, please beat me to death!

“They told us back in training that the Female Titan can manifest the abilities of the rest of the nine by taking in parts of their bodies.” OHHHHH so THAT’S why Annie can scream Titans to do stuff. I still think she could be descended from royalty, but this does explain it in part

Hmmm is Zeke’s spinal fluid why Falco had the memory of flying around with swords in his hands? A pre-transformation memory from Zeke? I had wondered if it was from Cadet Ymir

Turns out Annie’s father is NOT dead, nor are any of the immediate family of the other Marleyan Warriors. Instead, they’re probably going to die very shortly

“We cultivated hate. Nurtured our resentments. Let ourselves believe that could save us. And what came of our failings, we simply dumped onto the ‘Island of Devils.’ This is the result. Those failings gave rise to the monster you see. And it’s marching our hatred back upon us.” General Muller said: Turns out, oppressing people for their ethnic heritage is BAD! Who knew!!!!

All the Marley Eldian parents being like. My bad for inflicting generational trauma onto my children, xoxo

Is Zeke straight up throwing LIGHTNING NOW? Zeke has chidori? What is going ON

“The forces of Paradis are trying to end the Rumbling.” Oh HELL YEAH they are

I’m going to be real honest with you, I am incredibly attached to most of the remaining Team Save the World, so when some or even most of them inevitably die, I will cry. Or be sick. Or both

“Exactly one minute from now, I’ll blast these bones apart.” Armin preparing to kill his best friend to save everyone else. Awful

EREN JUST SWALLOWING HIS BEST FRIEND WHOLE INTO THE FUCKED UP BABUSHKA DOLL WITHOUT HESITATION???? WHAT?????????

“He’s being restrained, but he’s not hurt. The problem, is that he was whisked off towards Eren’s ass.” What a thing to say at a time like this, Levi

“Theses husks are the people who bore the Power of the Nine before us. I don’t know if their minds are still in there or not. But I’m betting the Founding Titan has the ability to resurrect them as many times as it needs to.” Eren said: Hey besties, please fight these Big Fucking Skeleton Ghosts of Your Ancestors and Friends

I suppose the friends part disproportionately affects Reiner, since he was closest to the most former Titans (Marcel, Porco, on top of them all being friends with Bertholdt)

Bertholdt crying in Armin’s Founder Ymir-Induced Suffocation Scape implies the former Titans are CONSCIOUS of being used to hurt their friends and commit gen-[GUNSHOT NOISE]? HATE THAT

“Do you still think we can win?” “Nope. But I don’t care. I wanna fight to the bitter end.” I am in love with you, Jean Kirschtein

“You’re kinda in the way, Mikasa!” ANNIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Colour me bananas, but if Falco (I see why they named his character that now) was so certain he could turn into a Bird Titan, why’d he have to do it ON the boat. Couldn’t HE have been on one of the little lifeboats, transforming in the water and swooping away?

“Hang on, where’s Arm—I mean, where’s Pieck?” Annie, you’re allowed to care that Armin’s alive, it’s not weird HAHAHAHAH. It’s weirder that you said it that way

“Your childhood friends sure have a way of getting themselves captured,” said Annie, as if she had not been the first person to capture them

“Damn it. I had a long list of things to tell that dumbass off about.” This is Levi saying how much he loves Eren and doesn’t want to kill him :(

Gjgkgkjgjgjg Annie’s advice to Mikasa about how to deal with their comrades killing the man Mikasa loves: Try not to think about it

“That one. Isn’t it an okapi?” “What the hell’s an okapi?” I too would like to know what an okapi is, Mikasa

“Erwin, I didn’t choose you, and I don’t regret that. I’m entrusting the future with the same look in his eyes as all of you.” I LOVE YOU, LEVI, AND I LOVE YOU ARMIN

The subsequent cut to Armin screaming at his inanimate body about how much he hates it and himself. This show is exhausting

“I should be in a Titan’s mouth right now, so how do I know what’s happening to my friends?” This is a question I also had Armin, but I wasn’t really expecting an answer

“You still seek to multiply? Why? Is continuing the species really that important to you?” Zeke said: Actually, y’all are saving the world because you wanna fuck (Zeke and Yelena fight over who projects a more insane motivation onto the Scouts)

“This strange, lovely thought popped into my head. I felt like maybe I’d been born to race Mikasa and Eren up that hill.” Oh, Armin

Armin seeing this object in the paths as a leaf that reminds him of Mikasa and Eren while Zeke sees it as a baseball him and Ksaver played with. Everything always comes back to baseball and absent fathers

Is the payoff for Armin being Babushka'd for a solid thirty minutes going to be that he’s going to convert all of these Former Titans in Purgatory (aka the Paths) to stop being Eren’s Skeleton Ghost Army? Incredible

I was wondering when Cadet Ymir was going to make an appearance. Good for her!

I also appreciate that Eren’s own (skeleton ghost) father is among the people actively fighting against him. PARENTING

Zeke, as he gets decapitated, probably: See, I CAN be helpful!

“The rumbling just stopped.” THEN WHYYYY are there 45 more minutes in the episode!!!!!!!!! What are you going to do!!!!!!

I would like an explanation on what the glowing-worm-spine-thing that gives people Titan powers is. An alien? A sea creature? A really vengeful spirit? Explain!!!!

“If [the Titan Worm] survived that explosion point-blank, we can’t kill it. The one we should target is Eren. This nightmare won’t end until we take him down.” To be fair, Levi, you just had Armin try to explode Eren too, so can you really kill him?

“Could this be the same gas they used on Ragako village?” “Mikasa, Pieck, get on Falco, we need to leave. Cause only Ackermanns and Titan wielders are immune, remember?” OH MY GOD THEY’RE GOING TO TURN JEAN AND CONNIE INTO TITANS. I KNEW THIS BATTLE WASN’T GOING TO PASS WITHOUT KILLING SCOUTS, BUT OH MY GOD. JEAN. I AM CRYING, THIS IS THE WORST POSSIBLE WAY HE COULD DIE. THE WAY ALL OF THESE PEOPLE’S FAMILIES COULD DIE. I HATE THIS. I AM SICK.

“You’re gonna live without me for a long time. So forget you knew me. Forget, and be free.” I don’t care about this Eren-isn’t-a-mass-murderer fantasy sequence. Any remaining energy I had for this narrative died with Jean

Mikasa kissing Eren AFTER decapitating him is an incredibly weird way to end this battle. Why write this show? What was the point?

HKFHKJFHKFJHFKJHF not them having Eren appear as a child and say sorry for the mass murder!!!! What kinda Naruto behaviour is this!!!

“So you did all that to push us away, huh? To make us turn against you and become the heroes who prevent the annihilation of the human race by killing you.” “You got it. Every human left outside of the walls will owe you a debt of gratitude.” This is the most backwards ass, stupid ass plan I’ve ever heard of. I can’t believe THIS is the excuse for everything I’ve had to witness.

Eren Jaeger 🤝 Itachi Uchiha

If I do ALLLLLL the murders, no one will think badly of my fellow people, even though I am one of those people

“You’re hoping we can all become like the Tybur family and protect Paradis from reprisal.” Except for Jean and Connie who are mega-dead, and Annie, Armin, Reiner and Pieck, who will presumably all die in less than ten years, Falco who has thirteen years left, which leaves Levi and Mikasa to stand for their whole island?

“Founder Ymir, she loved King Fritz.” Of course, who doesn’t love someone who murdered their parents, enslaved them, ripped out their tongue and then [redacted] them and had their kids [LOUD HONK OF A CLOWN CAR]

The way they’re cycling through Eren and Armin’s ages. It does hurt me

“The past and future, it’s all happening at once. And so, I had no choice That day, in that moment, Bertholdt would’ve died, but he had to live, so I sent it away from him and towards mom.” So, not only are you saying that Eren was retroactively controlling Titans from the wall’s breach, but also that HE is responsible for his mum getting eaten? Why does Eren have to be responsible for everything? Can’t things be also Reiner and Bertholdt’s fault?

“You’re a selfish heartbreaker, and I hope she does forget about you because she deserves to be happy!” Sweet of Armin, but I can’t take this seriously inside of everything that’s happened

INSANE OF ARMIN TO BE MORE MAD ABOUT EREN DISREGARDING MIKASA’S FEELINGS THAN HE IS ABOUT THE GENOC!DE. Armin said: Two can play at the unrelentingly crazy takes on what chivalry means, Eren!

“But hey, the good news is, I know of one charming young fella she’s pretty close to already.” You mean Jean, whom Eren’s worm ally Titan-murdered??????

[Sobbing] “No. That’d break my heart. I don’t want her to find someone else. I want to be her one and only love! Even she does get over me, I think it should take her ten years at least!” “Oh, I see. Sorry, I didn’t think you’d say something that pathetic.” HAHAHAHAHA I genuinely just can’t absorb Eren saying this dialogue as true, because it feels so stupid and out-of-character, however, Armin’s response is VERY funny

“Twenty-percent of humanity is all that you manage to save. It’s been determined.” “’Been determined?’ But you determined it. You’re the one who kills them!” Eren said: [Count Frollo voice] It’s not my fault, it’s in God’s plan

“I trampled the world because I wanted it.” This is like, the third set of motivations Eren’s played his hand at. When will we land on one that sticks?

“Why? Why did it turn out this way? I finally know. Because I’m an idiot. I’m nothing more than a garden-variety idiot who got his hands on power. That’s why this is the only resolution I can bring about.” I guess this is motivation #4

“You’ll be joining me? Where?” [Pleasantly] “Assuming it exists, in hell.” Armin’s dialogue is so unrivaled in how crazy it is, I almost admire it

“Yeah. Look for me in hell. I’ll be waiting.” “Right. We’ll be together, for all time.” This is the opposite of meet me in gay heaven energy. Meet me in White Boy Hell:

God. Armin’s scream when he sees Eren is dead. Unbearable

“He said that you would make a choice, and that in the end it would cause the Power of the Titans to be erased from this world.” JEAN AND CONNIE AND GABI ALIVE? ARMIN AND REINER AND ANNIE AND FALCO STAYING ALIVE? ALSO WHY WAS THIS NOT AN OPTION BEFORE? Finally, a reason for all of this. The longest, most chaotic, worst path to a reason, but a reason nonetheless

Eren being like, surprise!!! Here is my post-mass-murder voicemail about how much I love you all, besties! Except you, Pieck, I don’t know you. And everyone’s just like, ‘Aw, I missed him!’

I was worried for a moment that Levi seeing the fallen Scouts was an indication he was dying, but it seems like it’s some kind of goodbye present from Eren

“My name is Armin Arlert. And I killed Eren Jaeger. I stopped the Attack Titan and ended the rumbling.” Armin said: I am not afraid to take credit for the murder of my best friend

“All this time it was you, peeking into my head.” Mikasa’s headaches are actually Maternity-TSD from Founder Ymir? Sure, why not

I suppose it would be unrealistic if the fraction of people alive DIDN’T want to retaliate against the Island. What else could you expect?

“But if we must fight, let it be for an end to fighting.” Historia finally gets some agency after her Farm Pregnancy Arc LMAO

“You know, it’s a real shame your life got longer, Reiner.” HAHAHA Jean. This is the kind of bullshit I missed

HAAHAHAHAHAH ARMIN, I see you and Annie haven’t gotten any better at communicating:

Armin: Don’t forget that we’re Scout Regiment. We’re a bunch of dreamers who don’t know when to quit.

Annie: But I was in the Military Police.

Armin, ignoring her: Anyway—

“After trying to kill each other again and again, we put down our weapons and began to call for peace.” I suppose this is the most tolerable possible resolution to an incredibly deranged show

I can’t believe this series has beaten me down so hard with its bare fists that I feel like 80% of the world dying is not the worst outcome. That is OBJECTIVELY AWFUL. I guess it helps that there’s no death/fighting scenes for last third of this episode. It’s just been so unbearable that if I’m not crying or actively nauseous, it’s some kind of victory. What a horrible show

Are we suggesting Eren has been reincarnated as a bird? Sure, fitting for a wings-of-freedom Scout metaphor moment, I suppose!

I’m not going to comment on the mid-credits scenes. This show has put me through enough. I have followed it through to its conclusion, and its conclusion was as brutal and absurd as the rest of it. Goodnight!

#do i recommend this? no #did i watch it? yes #and now i may put it to rest #to be clear: i have no intentions to post about this show ever again. bye #ayesha talks anime #ayesha liveblogs aot #long post #liveblogging #tw: literally everything #aot spoilers #every kind of violence u can imagine is in this show. EVERY kind #i drafted this such a long while ago that they changed the text editor #as u may be able to tell by the fact it still has indented bullets #aot series #funny enough two years ago i ALSO watched j.j.k and this show successively. probably says something psychologically #if u liked this show. i don't think you'll like my liveblog LOL #(it's more of a record of my viewing experience than anything else)#anyway. next liveblog will be smth lighthearted i promise

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