#bc so many people are so quick to write it off and say we dont belong in LGBTQIA+
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our-lady-of-mcr Ā· 8 months ago
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#also god bless my friend who pointed out that im moving up and im going to be in a salon soon and will actually be doing something good with#my life vs the friend who did me this way pretending shes still in high school that freaks out and loses all her friends every 6 months#i wish it didnt bother me. and i know in 2 months im going to have brushed it off and move on like i always do when bad shit happens#but for the wound being fresh this shit just fucking sucks i hate it i hate it i hate it#i made a very very very vague post on reddit just asking for advice#and the more popular reply was someone more on my side who basically said i should tell her to go fuck herself pretty much#and the second one was someone who v obviously did not actually read the post who said it was all fluff and basically defended her even#when in my post i am saying i defended myself while still listening to the shit she says#and i fucking hate reddit bc people are so.....quick to be hateful and judge#and i knew to expect people being hateful but god DAMN like you yourself are basically saying theres not enough info (yes there was) and you#still are quicker to assume im in the wrong#meanwhile everyone who knows her is like bitch we told you to not forgive her last time and now look where you are#and i am not a perfect person i have flaws the same way everyone else does. literally everyone has said and done shit they regret#and i have fucked her over before because she lost her fucking mind on a campus manager and an educator and she told me to find my own ride#home because i didnt defend her losing her shit and screaming at everyone and ended up having to write an incident report (so did the other#girls who watched it happen so nOT just me) anyways now she uses that as an excuse for treating me like fucking trash because she finally#found out about the god damn incident report which made it so now anyone can say i said anything and she just believes it#its such a fucking joke to me because like ????? girl if we were in opposite positions you would have filled out the fuckin report too#granted it was a handwritten letter and not a report but it was basically the exact same thing as an incident report#my bad that a year ago i wrote a letter saying i was scared you know where i live and that youre mentally unstable. funny how a year later i#feel the same way all over again! except i dont because im not scared of her anymore shes a fucking theater kid who needs to get a grip#i cant wait to look at my self tag again in 2 years and be like DAMN REMEMBER WHEN THAT HAPPENED#every single person who knows her that isnt friends with her (i am basically refusing to text her friends bc i dont even want to know)#keeps telling me i didnt do anything wrong and ive given her too many chances and she fucks me each time#i just wish she would go get help bro there is something so wrong with her#self
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shhrrroooommmmmyyyyyy Ā· 1 month ago
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S1: The Birb's Feelings
(pt 1.5 for episode 7 and 2 for season 2 idk when cause shit's crazy rn)
Stolas is one of the most morally controversial characters in the show. With the show revolving around Blitz's relationships, it's natural that the show gives us the most information about him because he is arguably Blitz's most complicated relationship at the moment (I'm not going to include Barbie bc we've literally only seen her for like 5 minutes in one episode which isn't enough information). I wanted to do a quick overview of how I perceive Stolas's feelings throughout the duration of the show in sort of a timeline format
~Episodes 1, 2, 5~
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So, at first, it's obvious Stolas doesn't really think of Blitz too romantically and mostly sexually. Ok, completely sexually. However, there's a reason why that people often overlook sometimes. Stella openly said in the season 2 premiere that the only time him and her had sex was to have Octavia. Man's literally been deprived of anything enjoyably sexual his whole life. So when he finally does have sex that's enjoyable for the first time, he naturally wants more of it
As we all know, Stolas isn't the most self aware king (or should I say prince) out there (which is okay; he's still growing and developing as a character). The way he treats Blitz in these first few episodes sort of gives off sex toy vibes. Obviously, this is where Blitz gets that mindset from, that all he is is just a toy for Stolas
But after seeing what Stolas' true personality is now, I highly doubt Stolas knew exactly how he was treating Blitz during this time. Again, self awareness issues. Natural part of his character that, after watching Viv's writing since the Hazbin pilot first released (yeah og right here), I'm positive will be developed on later in the show. So hold your horses people, we're just now 2 episodes away from only being halfway through with the show. Give it time, it'll happen
Anyways, Stolas isn't a bad person (I'll fight anyone over this take, dont play). But he does the wrong things with the right intentions. He treated Blitz the way he did in these first few episodes because Blitz was the first person he's ever enjoyed having sex with. It's a big deal to him as it sort of "awakened" him. I think he was so happy about the sex after around 35 years of nothing, he didn't fully realize how he was treating Blitz in the process
*Not an excuse, but simply a possible explanation for his actions*
~Episode 6~
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My favorite episode. Stolas shows up when I.M.P.'s sort of cornered by the agents and scares them shitless with his scawy big birb form. First he makes sure Blitz is okay, then he scolds him for getting caught. Almost like a mother who's mad but cares for their well-being (crying in ghostfuckers)
This may seem small to you guys, but for me this was when Stolas became my favorite character. Not only did this moment show he's more than just the cringy comedic horny relief, it also showed that he cared. Why would he ask if Blitz is okay if he didn't care about him? That has nothing to do with the book. If it got in possession of humans he could literally just kill them in like a second and take it back. Tbh (dont come after me pls) but before this episode I didn't like my first impression of Stolas. Despite the many takes calling the cringiness of his lines in the first few episodes "iconic", I hated it. It was just too much
And in this scene it's not just that he's asking in general, it's how gentle he's being with Blitz. Holding his face and speaking a bit softer with a caring expression on his face. I love it so much (aggghghhghghgahhaagh). I know his attitude changes after a few seconds, but still it was a nice moment that reshaped my perspective on his character for basically the rest of the show
*Like I said before I'l give episode 7 it's own post cause i'm too tired and there's so much to talk abt in that episode*
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muzanswaifu Ā· 1 year ago
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Ive seen a lot of people confuse me leaving for ā€œpeople being mean to writersā€ or getting hate for the things i write of how i write them but its not
But Im not leaving just bc of the audience, i can handle some hate and honestly it was kinda fun from them bc ik that hate comes from jealousy and trolling
Im leaving because of other writers and my ā€œfriendsā€
Ik i said i would get into it and i really dont want to all that much bcuz im tired and just wanna be done with this but it feels wrong to leave under a false assumption and let people think their actions dont have consequences
Ive dealt with a lot from my peers on here, back talking, hating, straight up bullying, and i just cant anymore
I cant deal with drama irl AND on the internet, bcuz at the end of the day i can just delete everything on here and be done with it all so thats wat im gonna do
Tbh this has been building up for a while, i can only handle so much from ā€œfriendsā€ and irl i cut people off pretty quick and on here should be no exception but ive fucked up and let people do watever too long and its bitten me in the ass
Yes ik im dramatic lol, ive gotten that a lot and a lot of people hate me for, a lot of people love me for it, its how i am and it keeps things interesting. I get it, i like to make a lot of call out posts. Y? Bc people deserve to be called out and idgaf ab appearances on here. If someone did something bad, im gonna call them out bc last i checked its my blog and i can do wat i want. If u wouldnt do it, thats fine, its ur decision, and this is mine
Yes, i dont post a lot, I. Am. Busy. I have work. I have school. I have a social life. I cant write smut all the time even tho i want to, and at the end of the day, its not my job to write smut all day so people can read it and move on. I like to interact with yall, its fun, i like to talk to a lot of different people on her since my irl friends arent really into anime. Apparently people think im a loser for that? Ok? Sorry i like to talk to people on the internet when im bored instead of producing smut all day for people to read, ig i shouldve remembered im only on here to provide content since i dont deserve to have some fun, my mistake
Requests? Requests r a generosity. So many of my requesters have been absolute angels with being patient in receiving their requests, happy to just see me writing or interacting at all. Others have hounded me regularly telling me im lazy and selfish for not completing my requests, saying im an asshole for not completing them over my own projects bc ā€œthey asked firstā€. LMAO, U WRITE IT THEN???? i dont owe anything to anyone, certainly not someone who comes here solely to read my fics, not even leaving any interaction or encouragement whatsoever, then leave.
The icing on the cake? The tip of the iceburg? Discord of all places. Im sorry some of u didnt enjoy my server, i really am. Ive never used discord before and me and the mods did the best we could and im sorry i couldnt be as attentive to it due to my busy schedule
Im sorry i couldnt get there in time to stop conflicts or just straight up call people out, and im sorry someone had to make another server since they didnt like how i was handling mine bc i didnt take their side in a fight that THEY WERE WRONG IN? But i tried to be nice, tried to defend her and nicely explain y she was she cant say anything they want in any situation bc people get hurt. but it didnt matter. Y? Bc apparently i cant tell people what they can and cant sayā€¦
And that made me realize something! Theyre right! Theyre absolutely right and im so stupid for not seeing it until now! I cant stop people from saying things to me. I cant stop people from talking shit ab me. I cant stop people from even saying things on my own blog and server! I just cant. Bcuz in the end, people r gonna say what they want and do what they want bc people dont wanna learn. They dont wanna talk. They dont wanna hear ab how what they do or say affects others. They just wanna do what the want when the want, and they wanna be allowed to, bc fuck everybody else. Everybody is the victim in their own story, and i deserve to be the victim in mine.
And what would a victim do in this situation?
Leave.
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tryhardgwen Ā· 2 months ago
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hi gwen!
tysm for writing and posting, I really love all of your work!
quick question just for fun: if someone could only read five of your fics and no more, and you got to pick which ones, which five would you want them to read? you can include wips if you want
happy writing and i canā€™t wait for your next update!
anon i am so sorry for the late reply, i just. had to think about this a LOT. then i may or may not have forgot about it. oops. but thank you so much for the submission and for enjoying my fics!!
ok we are NOT including wips because that would make this answer infinitely harder. also because i canā€™t really judge them becauseā€¦ theyā€™re notā€¦ done. im also not counting i want your violence, since it's not finished. i AM including kim suhwan vs. the world, however, because it's essentially finished. so i'm picking out of my 25 fics. that being said, here is my list of my 5 fics i would want people to read:
kim suhwan vs. the world
all my love
the mouth of the wolf, the eyes of the lamb
and all of my dreams, theyā€™re growing lucid (i mean, can we do two here? just the whole busan boy series. this and the beach.)
donā€™t blame me
pour one out for the fakenuts sure, but i havent written one im incredibly proud of yet. if the one im working on turns out good, then wellā€¦ šŸ˜¶ā€šŸŒ«ļø but thats neither here nor there since it is NOT FINISHED and i dont wanna torture myself with choosing.. really op i have 26 published fics and ur making me choose FIVE of 25. ok, i will delve into my reasoning under here.
ahem. so, to start with... kim suhwan vs. the world. i feel like this one is a little self-explanatory, if only because it's my most recent fic. i do think it's one of my best written (my older fics are definitely lacking in skill, i didn't get good at writing until late 2023 i'd say) and i just... love the plot. so writing quality is great, concept also great! description amazing, dialogue amazing. my best work so far... i guess that makes sense, since im improving in skill as i write and grow more. i love peyz. i love writing fics about love and growing up and coming of age, and okay i DID project a bit onto peyz because i too have an unrequited crush and uh... i struggle with my emotions being a "lot" a lot. especially as of late, ive been "feeling" a lot. i get angry, i get sad. i mean my dad died lol! (i do sort of separate my fics nowadays as pre-dad death and post) but this story is just so special to me. you can see my growth as a person and a writer in comparison to my first fics. i mean, its been two years, pretty much. suhwan here is so special to me, and so is jihoon, honestly. wangho is too, and... god i do love geng 2023 so much. AGH. i know chapter 5 isn't out yet, but it will be tonight, or tomorrow! before t1 geng semis, at least. i hope.
next, all my love. also self-explanatory i think. it's my most popular fic, and even though i don't even really like onerzeus, i love this story and i love my iteration of them. i really badly wanted to write a second chance homecoming story (fun fact, aml was almost a bengifaker instead of onerzeus!) and i ended up doing that. i chose onerzeus since i thought they fit it. and then the fic sorta snowballed. i initially wanted 3 chapters, 10k each, 30k total word count. hoo boy that didn't happen LOL. EVERYTHING snowballed. i started putting all my favorite music in it, and putting cars and stick shifts in, and making the almost-family have an auto shop. i put jojopyun in bc i fucking love the guy so, so much. i put many bits of myself and my dad into it (i look back on this fic with a tad bit of sentimentality because it has so much of him in it. i did write that fic before he died). but i put just.. things i wanted to put in. it was SO self indulgent! gumakeria marriage, jojopyun, music, and cars... i remember working super hard on this fic in particular, and i think it paid off. all the "surprises"/cliffhanger type-things were something i put a lot work into. i think the writing quality of this fic is... halfway decent/pretty good... description was almost amazing, and dialogue was pretty good. conceptually, one of my best. this fic will always be special to me.
next would (maybe surprisingly?) be the mouth of the wolf, the eyes of the lamb. conceptually, i believe this is my best fic conceptually, which is why i chose it. i really don't think this shows my best writing at all (not even top 5 best writing) but i think i execute the CONCEPT well regardless! i did write it in pretty much one sitting because i was in the midst of burnout and i just got the idea and knew i had to get it out, so that's my excuse on the sub-par writing quality and possibly choppy plotline. it has pretty okay description, not bad dialogue. i definitely could've made it smoother. but in general, i just love the "lck mid holy trinity" of faker, showmaker, and chovy. i love lck midlaners so much. the idea of showmaker and chovy being kindred and faker the grey man descended upon me like a blessing from the gods. BY GOD DID I COOK. i didn't write a ton of au fics prior to this fic (ntm any fantasy aus), but i really should more. i love it so much, and i love the ending (which i wrote at like 4 am in the morning in a haze because i randomly thought of it half asleep!) i'm super proud of this conceptually and i need to write more lck mid fics in general (this time with scout too!?)
okay, i really wish i could count the busan boy series as one. but i cannot, so i am choosing and all of my dreams, they're growing lucid. despite it ill be talking about both fics in this section. i think this is my best work slash series of canon-compliant gumakeria i've written thus far--(i haven't written a ton since it came out, if at all, honestly). i feel like i really perfected their characterization here, over writing so much gumakeria. the reason i pick aaomdtgl over the beach is probably writing quality/skill. busan boy is by far my "favorite" of the two concepts, but it's lacking in execution, and it's noticeable especially in comparison to its sequel. the beach has okay writing, pretty decent description, and amazing concept. and all of my dreams has great writing, great description, and great concept. i was always grumpy the beach got so much less attention than and all of my dreams, but... i guess it's for a reason, lol (also bc its um. SAD! they LOSE!). (please go read the beach if you haven't though... i do love that fic so, so much.) also stream niki and the neighbourhood... read! my first songfics i guess, i just love those two albums. also i was a tad bit insane for these two fics--i wrote the beach because i was like, worlds in Korea? lets win. time to write losing in Korea fic first to set up for it. then i wrote a large percentage of and all of my dreams before t1 even won worlds because i was so sure of it. 2023 gwen was insane.
lastly is don't blame me. this is largely because of concept, because the writing is ass. don't blame me was my second published fic, so that's my excuse. the writing IS bad, i was waltzing along lacking in skill... yeah. the prose is so short and empty and fucking hell i could nitpick all day. i guess it sort of fits the fic?? (no im lying to myself lol it just sucks.) the description is meh, the dialogue gets the point across. but CONCEPTUALLY... the fic eats! it slays! demon keria yes pls! good job 2023 gwen! you did slay! my au fics do slay, and i had so much fun with this. i really fell into the rabbithole of league lore... god i love it so much. it's just so fun to write. and the ending! i love the ending a lot and i just like the tone and mood of the fic. i mean, its chilly, a little haunting... im not sure. dbm still has unwritten sequels LMAO i may or may not choose to write... i want to, but it's been a long time... i guess only time will tell.
so... yeah! that'd be my list. if you're interested in hearing why i DIDNT include some (one) fic, keep reading :] (wjnstt was the only one i wanted to address.)
now i think the main question to myself when choosing was... do i include we just need some time together or not? i know its a rather popular fic of mine, but i nixed it in favor of dbm i guess because i prefer dbm. and in terms of canon compliant gumakeria, busan boy clears it and does it a whole lot better in everything (characterization, writing quality, dynamic, everything). i don't... like wjnstt, not really. i mean, i haven't read it in a long while, so i couldn't tell u if that's 100% accurate of a conclusion, but. it was the first fic i ever started writing, and you can TELL. hoo boy writing quality be IN THE GUTTER. oh my GOD. to be fair, again, i haven't read it in a while so my judgment is probably a bit skewed/i could be misremembering. but i haven't reread it because IM SCARED OF IT. IM GOING TO GET SO MUCH SECONDHAND EMBARASSMENT AND CRINGE AT MYSELF OH GOD. ITS SO ASS. FUCKING HELL. my characterization is kinda ass (all of the characters), my writing quality/skill is unpolished... so many things. my description is okay... meh... i guess. my dialogue is probably the best part of the fic, and that's only halfway decent. but at the same time, i remember pouring my heart into this fic. i really do. conceptually, i think it was okay, and i remember it meaning a lot to me. i guess i just... sort of grew up and out of it. i mean, its been two years, pretty much. i wrote it in the midst of a bad depression slump, and i was younger, and... a lot changed since then, bascially. okay maybe i should reread it. fuck. we'll see i guess. i have a love hate relationship with this fic, that's all ill say for now. it'd probably make... top 6 or top 7. yeah. not sure. not top 5 though, sorry.
anyway, thank you so much for the question again op, and i'm so sorry for the late reply! and for yapping. i yapped a lot. hopefully you liked reading it though. much love, hope you have an amazing day, and let's gear up for worlds semis this weekend!!
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ghostismybbygorl Ā· 2 years ago
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Okay heres how id vibe with cod characters
First off i think my call sign would be 'mouse'
Bc im small i can scurry around places pretty quick and i can escape out of a situation fast as well that or cause i sneeze like a mouse
Id be a sniper and demolition expert ngl
Price
Legit i would call him dad 24/7 not like in a daddy kind of way but like legit a father figure
he'd just roll his eyes and accept the fact that he has another kid he has to take care of
100% would smoke a cigar with him though id smoke those tiny cigarillos (my brother smokes cigars and ill smoke a little with him)
Gift giving is my love language so whenever id visit a new country id buy him a cigar from there
I have a hat like his and i WILL wear it around and mimick him
Id do the grunts and everything
I feel like id be on more missions with him than anyone else
Definitely would hang out in his office to keep him company and annoy the shit out if him
Soap
Dont let anyone near us
Like
AT ALL
wed be doing diabolical shit especially since im an arsonist and free will plus military grade explosives plus mouse and soap. have the fire department on speed dial
We'd be the reason price is greying faster
100% stealing his shirts and hoodies they'd be so big on me
Im gonna be up front with this one
We'd be fucking. I'm down bad for this man
We'd annoy the absolute piss out of ghost. He can handle one soap but TWO hes gonna need the backpack leashes for us
Quoting vines and tiktoks ON THE DAILY
Jam seshes in the car would be 100% perfect
We'd have a snap streak and its only stupid photos we take
Im recording everything he does i know damn well hes always in a silly goofy mood
Definitely in the blunt rotation
He's definitely the type to find my snack rations and eat them in front of me
Lots of hugs and kisses for this man
Except when he eats my snacks
Wed play fight all the time. When i'm really close with someone ill start "beating them up" (just be faking to fight you)
Ghost
Oh this poor poor man
Have sympathy on him because he's going to try to avoid every ounce of my being
And i wont stop that
Im giving him hugs left and right this man needs some love
I feel like once i start cracking dark humor jokes he'd open up to me
100% would be making the most absurd worst dad jokes and laughing about it
We'd text on the daily mostly just me sending him memes and him sending a šŸ‘šŸ»or a šŸ‘ŽšŸ»
Im stealing his hoodies and his masks
ļæ¼Id probably piss him the fuck off to be honest
Id give him so many gifts to make him happy i know he crinkle's his eyes when he smiles
In the blunt rotation too but i think he'd just join for the company and not smoke that much
Id be over in his room if im overstimulated and i don't want to deal with people
Id have him proof read my fanfiction and he'd be my personal dictionary cause i cant spell for shit
Gaz
Did i say big brother vibes cause HE WILL BE MY BIG BROTHER
Id steal his hat so many times but like not in the ride a cowboy kind of way
Id buy him the most ridiculous hats and he will 100% wear them
I feel like he was a spondgebob kid so i know damn well we'll be quoting some of the lines
Part of the blunt rotation as well
When I'm upset he's the one id rant to
Definitely would vibe in a room without talking to him in general
He's most definitely the one to keep me from being unhinged
Totally would listen to murder podcasts together
So at my previous job we had to wear full body harnesses and we played this game called the carabiniere game where you take a carabiniere and hook it on to someone without them knowing and you see who can put the most on them
Soap, gaz, and i would be playing it 100% all the time with each other.
Id also grab them by the harness and pull them around or clip myself to them
Let me get a video from my old job and just put em here and id just explain
Okay back to writing
Laswell
Once again id call her mom and she's just gonna have to deal with it
Id definitely spend time with her outside of work (especially since she lives in maryland my family lives up there) which gives me more of a reason to visit her lol
Shopping sprees i feel like she's a frequent shopper at tj maxx and target
I also feel like she gives the best life advice so id come calling if im in a predicament
Okay so i am partially fluent in spanish, my god mother and best friend are Mexican so I've been around Mexican culture the majority of my life
Alejandro
definitely calls me niƱa or cariƱo
I feel like he'd roast my spanish and doesn't correct me if i say something wrong
100% my drinking buddy
I feel like he'd be very protective over me
Id be his date (platonically) and hed be mine to all the family gatherings
Fucking Mexican families are so much fun too. party my tia throws one and im there two shots of tequila in my hand listening and damcing to music
We'd text on the daily i feel like he'd frequently visit me and my family in the south as well he'd be the life of the party at my tia's parties
Rudy
He's the one that corrects my spanish and WILL only speak spanish to me until I understand whst he's saying
Insert him pointing to a random object and says it in spanish
I feel like we wouldnt bond much but we would you know?
I also feel like he gives great life advice
Graves
Id kick him in the balls
He's the type of guy i avoid or ruin his reputation
Absolutely despise him
Completely roast that motherfucker
Drop kick him
He pisses me off so much
Gives off leo and cancer energy
OHOHOHOHHH AND AT THE BETRAYAL SCENE DONT GET ME STARTED
Id 100% try to fight him even before Alejandro would
Tbh id probably get killed by one of his shadows bc of it
Kƶnig
Sweet babe i would help him through an axiety attack
PIGGY BACK RIDES FOR SURE
id hug him every-time i see him
Definitely would say uppies and have him put me on his shoulders
He definitely wont see me at all ( im 5'4) so he would definitely have to crouch down to see me
His nickname would be bear cause of how big he is
I feel like when he'ā€™s comfortable around you heā€™s very out going
I have no clue how to speak german but i will act like i do
He's in the blunt rotation as well
Thats all i got for now šŸ˜Š
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whatsnothappening Ā· 2 years ago
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stopped my last entry bc i didnt really have much to say but heres whats up
So, here i am yet again... up in the middle of the night sharing my thoughts. i kind of find it funny that i write these in a sense that someones reading them or that i am actually talking to someone. i guess i could say that im talking to myself. best conversation you can have is a conversation with yourself, right? anywho, im going to start off with some positives that have happened recently... My dad has actually started reaching out to me! i dont remember if i have mentioned anything about what has been going on with me and him recently but it has been tense. it really isn't his fault though. it is mainly his girlfriends/my stepmother. So i will start by saying that i understand her issues but i think she is taking things way out of proportion and she also needs to handle her drama with him, her self and not bring me into it. he is my father, she is now technically my step mother. i am not her gal pal and my dad is not just a friend. although they both act as such, they arnt. So i shouldn't be involved in their relationship as much as she sucks me in. im going to keep a long ass story short, maybe ill rant on about it if i feel the need to in another entry but not now, i have other things to address haha. but my father has a history with drug and alcohol abuse. he has come an extremely long way and has made so many strides, i am always quick to say that i am so proud to have him as my dad. which is all very true. he is an amazing man and a wonderful father. but he is human... everyone digs their own trenches at some point in their life whether it involves substance abuse or not. everyone digs their own. what makes you an amazing individual is if you can get yourself out. granit, my father did have a lot of help from my mom. but you have to also give credit to him for accepting the help. i have seen many people who need help and are offered it and completely ignore the help until it is too late or everyone has given up. if you are given help and you see an opportunity for a way out or a way to grow then take it. you are not higher than anyone else, and getting help does not make you lower than anyone else. keep that in mind. (im saying that to myself as well..) but anyways i am 100% rambling and making what i wanted to be a short story a long story. he dealt with substance abuse and over came it. years go by he moves out i graduate highschool and he meets a British lady. she's wonderful. very earthy. very family oriented. but also extremely posh and stand offish all at the same time. she wonderful but odd. i do love her though. but so they have been together for quite some time, they might as well be married by now. rewind back to last year a day before christmas eve. she texts me explaining that my dads drinking has gotten horrible and that he is verbally violent and horrible to live with. i immediately text back saying that im on my way and i am going to set him straight. she tells me not to come by and that it will just start a fight. i tell her that she needs to tell me what to do because i cant just get a text about my father going backwards in his years of progress and growth and not do anything about it. we text back and forth a little bit i calm myself down and move on. now it is christmas day. the first house me and my husband need to head to is my fathers. i am nervous. i keep telling my husband that we can skip my dads this year and just spend time with his family. he insists on going and keeps telling me that i will regret it. well no. i regret going. i spent the entire christmas crying,. i was uncomfortable and emotionally beat. i felt i couldn't have fun with my dad and enjoy family with him and my plus one family. i was jealous of her daughters. im sure none of them knew the information i was given days before and are just able to enjoy christmas happily and stress free. not me. i sat upset. kept making runs to the bathroom so i could cry and get it all out so i could put on a face for the next few hours. fast forward to new years. continued-
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oliviamillss Ā· 4 years ago
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reading dreams chart
im only going to use up to orb 3, for stronger accuracy lmao
**if you canā€™t be bothered to read it all, theres a summary paragraph at the bottom**
sun:
sun in 7th: strong emphasis on relationships. tends to copy others lingo/habits. extroverted. probablyĀ ā€˜needsā€™ others. only really shows his true self around his close friends/family/partners.Ā 
sun at 19 degrees: a libra degree. (emphasis on this bc libra rules 7h), makes him a very charming, likeable, particularly popular guy.
sun opposite ascendant: inner conflict, probably doesnā€™t feel like people see him for his true self, may struggle showing true self. may feel misunderstood. may need approval/validation a lot.
sun square mars: hints to daddy issues. may struggle with a lot of built up anger and frustration, but it seems like he takes it out very positively, as you can see he is competitive, so i think he lets it out through gaming. probably very energetic, motivated.
sun square saturn: high expectations for himself. probably the type of person to thinkĀ ā€˜iā€™m only good enough if i do thisā€™. probably very hard on himself. also probably very insecure of himself, but doesnā€™t show it. another sun square masculine planet, more hinting to daddy issues.
moon:
moon in 7th: probably relies on close friends/family/partners a lot. loves to help people, esp people heā€™s close with (kinda mr beast vibes). probably very likeĀ ā€˜oh shit, heā€™s sad, i need to do everything within my power to cheer him upā€™ if that makes sense lmao
moon in virgo: looking after people!!! esp with the sun square saturn,, high expectations. probably a very much perfectionist, which also explains why he is competitive. mayĀ ā€˜always need to be rightā€™. but virgo moons are actually so lovely omfg
moon at 9 degrees: sagittarius degree, likes to help people by optimism, and giving things to the person that they would want (im aware that sounds obvious lmao). probably feels a sense of achievement when cheers them up.
moon square pluto: probably hard time dealing with and growing from negative things that have happened, possibly struggles with letting things go. possibly self destructive (why did that one heatwaves part come to mind), possible trust issues + anxiety, probably very particular about who he lets close into his life, maybe quite protective.Ā 
mercury:
mercury in 6th: likes to help people, probably not disappointed if he spends his time working with someone, may struggle with anxiety/depression. a quick learner, probably overthink every word because it wast theĀ ā€˜perfectā€™ thing to say.Ā 
mercury in leo: funny asf, and out there, also thinks his ideas/things to respond and say are the best, with the 6h and 7h placements, he is open to listen to others, but in the end he only really wants his one lmfao, good with conversation.
mercury at 1 degree: aries degree, another fire placement which emphasises the loud, out there kinda vibes.
mercury trine mc: career and reputation are strongly linked with what he says. (this is obv bc hes famous lmao). heā€™s smart, particularly with technology and its linked to his career. *im aware this sounds like im just describing him, this is exact so thats why its overly accurate*
mercury opposite neptune: daydreamer, probably has a lot of thoughts and ideas in his head, but they just dont come across right. probably zones out, may struggle with focusing. but very creative, has big and creative ideas. i havent mentioned it before but its come up too many times now, but he has a lot of placements, when manifested badly, creates a good manipulator
mercury square jupiter: optimistic, possibly thinks his ideas are the best (weā€™ve covered that before), can be really overly talkative or just nothing at all. (i rlly dont know much about this placement)
venus:
venus in 7th: he will have a beautiful relationship with his future partner. charming asfff, probably a good flirt. tends to love love. needs to be liked, sort of a pleaser.Ā 
venus in virgo: the type of person to remember everything about the people he cares about. loves to help the people he cares about. probably sees the people he truly loves asĀ ā€˜perfectā€™, which may end up being really bad if theyā€™re toxic.Ā 
venus in retrograde: struggles feeling loved, possibly feels like he doesnā€™t deserve love. probably the type to be likeĀ ā€˜how could you ever love me?ā€™
venus square mc: attract people who take care of him. either has self-esteem issues, or is quite a dependant person. creative. may struggle finding people who support his career, or may have to change a few things about himself to be liked by others.Ā 
venus trine jupiter: very likeable, and heā€™s veryyy lucky. heā€™s funny, and a generous person, probably very giving to his close friends and family. charismatic asfff, likely he will marry someone foreign.Ā 
mars:
mars in 9th: more things hinting to attract(ing/ed to) foreigners. loves experiencing things with people he cares about. likes to learn more and more, possibly stubborn, makes sure his opinions are known.
mars in scorpio: that boy needs privacy in his life, doesnā€™t like being predictable. probably an overthinker. weā€™ve already known this but heā€™s definitely a top. probably could get anyone he wants, seductive asfff. also pretty spiteful.
mars at 17 degrees: leo degree, fame bitchesss
mars square ascendant: hates to lose, competitive. people may be intimidated by him at first, canā€™t really hide anger, pretty stubborn.
mars opposite saturn: really hard on himself. wants to be the best of the best, leader. stands up for himself. another placement hinting to daddy issues. harsh about his work, and himself in general, perfectionist.Ā 
mars square uranus: anger may change a lot, a lot of energy, probably struggles to focus, doesnā€™t like to be the one who is being controlled/has restrictions. probably struggles with authority. outbursts of anger.
jupiter
jupiter in 3rd house: loves writing, and is actually pretty good at it. knows how to talk to people, how to persuade them, and how to manipulate them. good liar, knows how to sell his wants across, how to get what he wants.
jupiter at 4 degrees: cancer degree, cancer rules his 6h. he uses his luck/money to help others.
jupiter square neptune: big dreams, desire to escape the world as it is.
saturn:
saturn in 3rd: afraid of/ is often misunderstood. struggles to open up?, maybe he wasnā€™t listened to much growing up. hard on himself academically, feels like he isnā€™t smart enough. hard time expressing himself. maybe feels like noone really cares for what he has to say?
saturn at 16 degrees: cancer degree. idk what else to say abt it lmaoo
saturn square ascendant: quite serious, maybe struggle with the way he looks? possibly quite overwhelmed about his life,, feels like he has too much to do at times. fear of rejectionnn
saturn square uranus: maybe he doesnā€™t like change, tradition v change clashing. authority troubles. probably needs freedom, but feels unstable without what heā€™s used to. rebelling against norms.Ā 
uranus:Ā 
uranus in 12th: probably very curious about unexplainable things, maybe quite into conspiracy theories. two complete ends of the spectrum: fear change/need it, unpredictable things happen/ everythings the same.Ā 
uranus at 14 degrees: taurus. taurus ruling 2nd, i guess it shows change in dreamā€™s wealth.
uranus opposite north node (and conj south node): with exceptions, doesnā€™t like conflict. he is fine with joke conflict, but the second thereā€™s an actual argument he tries to be theĀ ā€˜peacemakerā€™ guy. technology is major in his life. also quite nervous about his career/future.Ā 
neptune:
neptune in 12th: awful sleep schedule. overworking himself, never relaxing. vivid dreams. once again, this has come up loads and i just havenā€™t mentioned it: intuitive asf, george is the same. whether either are aware of it or not, they are super intuitive.
neptune at 2 degrees: taurus degree.
neptune sextile mc: creative, also likes helping others, empathy to the public. has big dreams career wise.Ā 
pluto:
pluto in 10th: determined person, gets a lot of hate, but also a lot of love. trust issues, persuasion/manipulative abilities. leader leader leader. another hint to daddy issues, maybe privacy invading, maybe overprotective. donā€™t want to be controlled.
north node:
north node in 6th: overwork himself. but i think we can interpret this as his life goal to be working to help people. literally mr beast. just work hard, and give a lot away. humble.
chiron:
chiron in 9th: possible restriction from either his or his communities beliefs/religions. maybe heā€™s afraid of leaving where he is right now (sapnap moving to orlando, whenever its brought up its always george coming to orlando)
lilith:
lilith in sagittarius: need for truth. dislikes restrictions. hides emotions, uses humour to avoid them/ make people think theyā€™re okay when theyā€™re not. stubborn asf.Ā 
lilith in 10th: tend to be sexualised/ reputations for being sexual. another placement hinting to daddy issues. really wants to be at the top, the most powerful. likes using his dominance/ power to seduce. motivateddd.
lilith conjunct pluto (exact omfg): typicalĀ ā€˜mysteryā€™ guy. probably the mystery/scorpio vibes he pulls off attracts/ seduces people. the most dominant partner ever. sex is probably so intense and overwhelming
moon square lilith: possible mummy issues. his need for sex can change quick asf, from one end of the scale to another. struggles to open up.Ā 
Ā i ought to mention!!
thereā€™s a theory that the degree of your venus sign is the birthday of someone who is v important in your life. whatā€™s dreams you may ask? 1. and when are george and sapnapā€™s birthdays? the 1st. theyā€™re soulmates, your honour.
summary!!!
basically, dream has so much care and love for his friends and family, and probably relies on them a lot. he only shows his true self around them, and he (at least thinks) people donā€™t really understand him in the way his friends and family do. he is a social person, whoā€™s very likeable and charming. he lovesss helping people, doing everything in his power to cheer others up, he remembers details about the people he loves. he is such a perfectionist, needing to succeed and win and everything, and is very competitive. he probably doesnā€™t think heā€™sĀ ā€˜worthyā€™ if heā€™s bad at something. he sets very high expectations for himself. he is very hard on himself. if he wants to, he knows how to manipulate people. he has so so many placements for an amazing manipulator. he may struggle to express himself or open up, and may be hard on himself academically. maybe he doesnā€™t feelĀ ā€˜listened toā€™. a lot of emotions like anger and sex drive may change rapidly for him. he over works himself a lot. a major theme in his life is tradition vs change. he is probably afraid of change, or finds it uncomfortable, or he may have some sort of attachment to traditional values/things, no matter how much he wants to change. he is also a peacemaker. he was born to be loved or hated, kinda like marmite but if the balance was more equal. he doesnā€™t like restrictions. he uses humour to hide his emotions.
im also thinking of doing a synastry reading between george and dream but idk yet lol
hope you guys enjoyed, this took ages lmao<3
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seongsangi Ā· 4 years ago
Text
your girl calls me daddy too
pairing: johnny x reader
summary: the story of getting involved with your professor/classmate's dad šŸ‘€
word count: 4.5k
warnings: professor!johnny, dilf!johnny, daddy/sir kink, age gap bc johnny is older in this fic (reader is 21+, we dont do that barely legal just turned 18 shit) straight up smut, that's all we do on this blog
author's note: this took me from 8 pm to 4 am to write. idk if that's fast or not compared to some people but bitch... that's a record for me!
another note: idk if anyone's wondering but johnny is a single dad in this, no cheating or infidelity involved!
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No one knows about your relationship with Johnny Suh, certainly not your family or friends, and certainly not his son who is in the same biology course as you this semester. The secret is kept strictly between the two of you, the thrill of hiding it making it that much more exciting.
The relationship began with him being your chemistry professor. The brief glances, lingering touches, and frequent visits during office hours became too much for either of you to deny the attraction. It felt so wrong, the professor-student affair being too much of a clichƩ that you were hesitant to follow through with it. But after a particular session discussing the assigned homework, you both realized it was now too late to go back.
***********************************************
ā€œProfessor, why are you looking at me like that?ā€ you fiddle with your pen in your hand.
ā€œIā€™m sorry, Iā€™m just a little distracted.ā€ Mr. Suh lets his eyes trail down your figure, eyeing the neckline of your dress that reveals just enough to get his imagination going. Heā€™s thinking about the way you waltzed in here with that damn sundress on, the way you bite your lip when youā€™re confused on a reaction mechanism, the way your innocent eyes look up at him when heā€™s explaining the concept. He feels foolish, unable to focus on your question when youā€™re sitting across from him looking like that, the dress hugging your figure in all the right ways.
ā€œShould I come back another time?ā€
Mr. Suh clears his throat, giving you another glance up and down before collecting himself. ā€œNo, no, I promise Iā€™m fine. Let me check your work right quick.ā€ You hand him the paper, watching as he leans back in his chair examining the mechanism you drew. You let your eyes do the same thing to him as he did to you, taking in the long sleeve black shirt he wore today that hugs his biceps almost too well. It has your hands itching to feel them under your fingers, to take the shirt off and see him in all his glory. Your eyes roam his face, the sharp features drawing you in. You imagine his plump lips doing things to your body that are sure to take your breath away.
He does not fail to notice your lingering stare, or the way youā€™re fidgeting in your chair. He pulls the sleeves of his shirt up his forearm and grabs his pen, leaning in to show you where you went wrong. As heā€™s explaining, you lean in too, your perfume filling his senses. You canā€™t seem to focus on what heā€™s saying, too busy tracing the veins along his arms and hands. Oh, how they would feel wrapped around your ā€“ okay, bitch you have got to chill.
ā€œMiss Y/N, is something the matter?ā€ The way your name rolls off his tongue has you swooning, the added ā€˜missā€™ making your tummy flutter.
You feel your body temperature rising with each second, fiddling with your hands in your lap, your mind going crazy with impure thoughts. You take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down. ā€œUh, Iā€™m sorry, could you repeat that?ā€
Mr. Suh notices your attention is elsewhere, setting his pen down and looking you directly in the eye, making you feel tiny under his intense gaze.
ā€œYouā€™re playing a very dangerous game.ā€
The statement catches you off guard, your cheeks immediately getting hot. ā€œI- I donā€™t know, wha- what do you mean?ā€ you stutter, which he finds endearing seeing you all flushed.
ā€œLetā€™s not act like we donā€™t know where your mind is at,ā€ he sees right through you. ā€œCause Iā€™ll be honest, Iā€™m right there with you.ā€ His voice drops a couple octaves, sending a wave of arousal through you at the sound of it. Oh fuck, is this really happening right now?
Your breath gets caught in your throat, unable to respond. What the fuck do you even say to that? Mr. Suh gets out of his chair, his long legs coming around the desk and standing in front of you. He leans down real close to your face, bracing himself on the arm rests of the chair youā€™re in, effectively caging you in. If you thought you were getting warm before, youā€™re on the verge of burning up now. Heā€™s smirking down at you, enjoying just how riled up youā€™re getting.
ā€œAre you gonna tell me you havenā€™t been thinking of things other than chemistry during our meeting?ā€ He cocks his head to the side, challenging you with a tease in his words.
ā€œUm, professor, I donā€™t think we should be doing thisā€¦ā€ you trail, glancing at the closed door behind you. His face is too close for comfort, looking anywhere but at him.
ā€œThen tell me to stop,ā€ his lips now ghosting your neck, so close you can feel his breath on your skin. Heā€™s watching your chest rise and fall with heavy breaths. Every fiber in your being is telling you this is wrong on so many levels, but itā€™s making your body tingle in a way you canā€™t ignore. Youā€™ve been thinking about him and itā€™s obvious he has been too, whatā€™s stopping you from going further? You open your mouth to say something, but you canā€™t find any words to say, nothing to let him know you donā€™t want this.
ā€œYou have to tell me you want it then,ā€ he pulls back from you slightly, waiting for your confirmation. If you donā€™t explicitly say yes, then he wonā€™t push it any further.
You canā€™t take this any more, sitting up straight and saying ā€œI want itā€ in one breath before crashing your lips against his. Thereā€™s no taking this back, you tell yourself as you let him take control. You sigh into the kiss, his lips feel so right against yours, letting the lust cloud your mind. He cups the side of your face, pulling you up by your waist to get a better angle to devour your lips. His hips push you against the desk, lifting you slightly to sit on the edge. Your hands bunch up his shirt, pulling him even closer to you. He bites your bottom lip as he pulls away, searching your face for any sign of regret. Instead, heā€™s met with your blown out expression, needy eyes asking for more.
Mr. Suh shakes his head in disbelief, almost chuckling. ā€œYou donā€™t know what you do to me, miss Y/N.ā€ You love it when he calls you that. He steps back, turning around to lock the door. The sound of the lock only fuels your excitement, eager to see what heā€™ll do next. Your hands grip the edge of the desk as Mr. Suh stalks towards you, like a predator eyeing his prey. Oh, how you want him to eat you up right now. Your thighs press together at the thought, a movement he quickly notices.
His hands trail up the side of your thighs before resting on the curve of your ass. The fabric is soft to the touch but he bets your skin is softer. ā€œWhat are you thinking of, you naughty girl?ā€ His lips are back on you, letting your head fall to the side as he peppers kisses along your neck. ā€œJust thinking about you,ā€ you pant.
ā€œI know that much. What do you want me to do, hmm?ā€ he presses further.
ā€œAnything you want,ā€ falling further under his spell. He groans in your ear, ready and willing to take advantage of your submission. Itā€™s more like youā€™ve got him under your spell. He knows this is wrong on a professional level, but fuck that right now.
ā€œTurn around,ā€ twisting your body before you can even do it yourself. His touch makes you so dizzy, bracing your hands on the homework assignment that has long been forgotten. He kisses your shoulder, pressing close to your backside as he admires you from behind, the dress doing wonders to accentuate your curves.
ā€œYou look so good in this dress doll,ā€ kneading your ass in his hands. He gives it a tame slap, not wanting to be too rough since there are still other offices around his. ā€œBut I bet youā€™d look even better with it off.ā€ The wetness in your panties is becoming unbearable, desperate for him to touch you where you need him.
ā€œTouch me please,ā€ your sweet voice begging him is more than enough for him to comply. He bunches your dress up over your waist to expose your soft skin, the thin panties youā€™re wearing showcasing your wet spot off clearly. His pants are getting incredibly tight, blood rushing to his member with each second. He lifts your right knee to rest it on the desk, trailing his fingers over the thin fabric.
ā€œRight here?ā€ he slides his fingers up and down your center, earning a shudder from you.
ā€œOr here?ā€ pulling your panties to the side and coating his fingers in your arousal. You let out an audible moan when he finds your clit, which prompts him to clamp his hand over your mouth. He cranes your head back to look you in your eyes, his hand still rubbing against your bundle of nerves.
ā€œYouā€™ll have to be quiet or else Iā€™ll stop. Canā€™t have anyone around us hearing you.ā€ You nod in understanding, eyes fluttering shut as two of his fingers slide into you with ease. You arch your back a bit more, pushing your hips further into his hand. Itā€™s a good thing his hand is still covering your mouth because you canā€™t help your moans when his fingers are drilling into you so fast.
ā€œYouā€™re taking my fingers so well doll,ā€ heā€™s gonna drive you insane with that nickname. You turn your head to get a better look at him, watching him part his lips as he watches his fingers disappear in and out of your core.
He slides a third finger in and you want to scream, the stretch makes you feel so full. Youā€™re soaked now, the lewd sounds of your wetness making you feel self-conscious. Just then, his office phone rings. You gasp, looking at him with wide eyes. He lets go of your mouth but doesnā€™t pull his fingers out of you, pumping them in even as he reaches for the phone. You try to stay as quiet as you can with his fingers still working your core.
ā€œHello, this is Johnny Suh.ā€ He looks you dead in the eye, telling you you better shut up without verbally saying anything.
ā€œAh, Jaehyun, what can I do for you?ā€ Your legs buckle when he hits that spot, almost letting out a yelp. He shoots you another glare, pulling his fingers out and shoving them in your mouth to keep you quiet. He sets the phone down for a second, leaning in to your ear. ā€œPlay with yourself while I take this call. And shut up, I mean it.ā€
You can taste yourself on his fingers, the whole thing making you feel so filthy. Your hand reaches down to your core, rubbing yourself slowly as Mr. Suh picks the phone up again. You lick him clean, getting your own fingers wet now with your slick. Heā€™s listening to the other person on the line but paying close attention to your hand in between your thighs. He likes watching you play with yourself, getting off on the thought of him.
ā€œOkay, all that sounds great. Send me an email of the template and Iā€™ll check it out. Iā€™m with a student right now, so can I call you back later?ā€
When he finally gets off the phone, he shoves his fingers further into your mouth, almost making you choke on them. ā€œDidnā€™t I tell you to be quiet? You couldnā€™t even do that?ā€ Youā€™re so worked up, you can feel your high approaching and you just want him to help you reach it.
You grab his wrist, pulling his fingers out of your mouth. ā€œIā€™m so close,ā€ bringing his hand back to your core.
ā€œYou want to cum? Beg for it,ā€ he doesnā€™t make a move to touch you.
ā€œPlease sir, I wanna cum on your fingers, please please.ā€ You stroke his arm gently, pleading with your eyes, anything for him to touch you again. How could he say no when youā€™re looking at him like that?
He tells you to turn around to face him, holding your leg against his waist. He watches your face contort in pleasure as he gives you what you want, rubbing yourself at the same time to chase your high. You try to keep your voice to a minimum, your sweet moans fueling him on. If his fingers feel this good in you, you canā€™t even imagine what else heā€™s got in store for you.
ā€œFuuuck, sir Iā€™m cumming,ā€ you cry weakly, closing your eyes and clenching around his fingers as you finally get that release. The sight of you coming undone on his hand is almost enough to take you right then and there, but he holds himself back. Your hand grips his wrist tightly, but he doesnā€™t stop pumping in and out of you until you open your eyes, worried heā€™s gonna try to get another one out of you so soon.
He finally stops, taking the chance to taste yourself by licking his own fingers clean. God, you thought sucking his fingers was hot, this is even better. He loves the taste of you, already craving more. Mr. Suh runs his hand along your inner thighs, taking a mental image of the sight of you spread open for him on his desk.
ā€œMiss Y/N, I think itā€™s safe to say that we should keep this a secret between us.ā€
***********************************************
And thatā€™s how your intimate relationship with your professor began. Youā€™ve been in his office so many times after that, youā€™ve lost count, letting him take you on every inch of that desk. Before, during, and after office hours, you both crave each otherā€™s touch. You know to keep your time together to a minimum though. You canā€™t be coming into his office whenever you want, or else it would start to get suspicious. Sometimes you catch yourself stealing glances at his son in biology class, wondering if he has even the slightest idea of whatā€™s going on between you and Mr. Suh.
One day, when heā€™s at the front of the class teaching, all you can think about is his lips on you as he takes you from behind, whispering in your ear how dirty you are for letting him fuck you before class started. By the end of class, he passes the homework back out. You see a note written in red at the bottom of your paper.
127 Paradise Lane tomorrow 7 pm
It doesnā€™t take a genius to know what that means or what it entails. You quickly put your homework in your backpack before any curious eyes can see whatā€™s written on it. You look up to see him steal a glance at you, making sure you got his note. Neither of you say anything as you walk out of class.
***********************************************
When you get to his house the next night, he welcomes you in with a warm smile, which quickly turns devious as he shoves you against the door immediately after closing it, capturing your lips in a heated kiss. You grab hold of his shirt as his hands roam your body, pulling him as close as you can. His hard bulge presses against your stomach, thoughts already wandering to how mind blowing his impressive length will feel in you. You want him, but one questions prods at your mind, pulling away from his lips slightly.
ā€œSir, what about your son? Is he gonna be home tonight?ā€ You feel weird in your classmateā€™s house, but the fact that youā€™re about to fuck his dad as youā€™ve done plenty of times before is more overwhelming than your qualms about being here.
ā€œHeā€™s out of town with his friends,ā€ running his hand up your back before grabbing your hair, pulling your head back so fast it surprises you. His breath is warm against your lips, ā€œAnd when youā€™re in my house, itā€™s daddy.ā€ Youā€™re so used to calling him sir, knowing it turns him on but the new name in this new setting makes your insides tingle. You canā€™t hold back your smile, giving him your best ā€œyes, daddyā€ to appease him.
Mr. Suh leads you to his bedroom, the king sized bed hitting your back as he throws you down. He towers over you, unbuttoning his shirt slowly. You sit up on your elbows, rubbing your thighs together as you eat up the man before you with your eyes. With each button that comes undone, you get more and more excited. Heā€™s watching you intently, thinking of all the ways heā€™s going to ruin you tonight. He looks delectable with his shirt off, licking your lips at the sight of his well built figure.
ā€œYouā€™re gonna start drooling soon,ā€ he teases, walking to his closet and pulling out one of his many ties. Whatever heā€™s thinking of doing with that, you have absolutely no complaints. You bite your lip in anticipation as he kneels on the bed, securing the tie around your neck into a makeshift collar. ā€œIs this okay with you?ā€
You nod your head, but he pulls on the tie quickly, taking your breath away. ā€œUse your words.ā€
ā€œYes, itā€™s ok,ā€ you choke out. He doesnā€™t let up, asking instead, ā€œYes what?ā€
Youā€™re gushing already, the control he has over you making your head spin. ā€œYes daddy,ā€ you can barely get the two words out. He lets the tie go slack, coughing a bit at the sudden attack. His hand cups your face, ā€œSorry was that too much?ā€ You nuzzle your cheek into his hand, telling him you loved it.
And thatā€™s what he loves about you, that you take anything he gives you and enjoy every bit of it. Youā€™re too much for him. He sits with his back against the headboard, tugging your arm to straddle him. ā€œDid you wear this little dress for me?ā€ his hands are sliding up and down your thighs, bringing out the goosebumps on your skin. You brace your hands on his chest, moving your hips against his jeans. The friction against your clit is oh so good and feels even better when he flexes his thigh after seeing your movements.
ā€œYou should see what Iā€™m wearing underneath,ā€ tugging the hem of your dress over your body, revealing your choice in white lingerie underneath, the color making you look angelic but is a stark contrast to the sinful things that are about to happen.
ā€œMiss Y/N, what am I gonna do with you?ā€ he asks as you pick up the pace of your hips, leaning down to press your lips to his neck. He lets you do what you want to him, encouraging your hips to move faster. Your small whimpers in his ear tell him youā€™re enjoying yourself, using his thigh to get off. You know not to leave any visible marks, opting for further down his chest to leave hickeys. His jeans feel so good against your core, finding more pleasure in riding his thigh than you thought, but itā€™s still not enough. ā€œWant you to fuck me,ā€ you moan breathlessly, pushing your chest into his face as you find that perfect spot to keep grinding against.
He hungrily pulls your bra down, attaching his lips to your hard nipple as he rolls the other one between his fingers. Your skin is so soft, he could bury his face in your tits all night. He leaves his own hickeys on your chest, admiring his work as he puts your bra back in place.
ā€œKeep the lingerie on.ā€ He pulls you down by the tie again, kissing you fervently as you fumble with his jeans. You get down on your knees, taking his clothes off so that heā€™s naked before you. His rock-hard member slaps against his stomach when you pull his pants off. You flatten your tongue against his member, locking eyes with him as you lick him from the base to the tip. You take him in your mouth, using your hands to fondle his balls to add to his pleasure. Using your tongue as much as you can to get him wet, you take him as far as your throat allows.
ā€œYou look so good with my dick in your mouth,ā€ grabbing your hair and bobbing your head up and down on him. You let him use your mouth, parting his lips at the feeling of your warm tongue. When he lets go of your hair, you release him with a pop, sliding your hand along his length. ā€œI bet I look even better with it in mā€”ā€ you canā€™t even finish your sentence as he grabs you by the chin, shutting you up.
ā€œI knew youā€™d say some shit like that. Why donā€™t you be a good girl and come ride this dick then?ā€ He shoves your face away, but the roughness only turns you on even more. You straddle his hips, his hand pulling your lace panties to the side as you position him at your entrance. Both of you gasp as you sink down on him, the stretch quickly filling you up, your tight walls clamping against him.
ā€œFuck daddy, feels so good,ā€ you whine. When heā€™s all the way in, you lean back on your hands in the cowgirl position, giving him the best view of where your bodies are connected. You feel so exposed in this position, but he canā€™t keep his eyes off your core as you move your hips, which makes you feel powerful under his glare. You know he loves it just as much as you do, giving him a show as you ride him.
A thought comes into your head, pulling out but quickly turning around so that your backside is facing him. You slide down on him again, his hands gripping your waist. You can move your hips faster in this position, setting a quick pace and slamming your hips against his. Heā€™s lost in the way your ass bounces on top him. You let out a loud whine when his hand lands a hard slap on your ass cheek.
ā€œI canā€™t do that when weā€™re in my office,ā€ he lands another one to the same cheek, ā€œbut now I can.ā€ He wants to see you red with his handprints, enjoying your little yelps at the sting. You clench around him each time he spanks you, doing so particularly hard but you canā€™t deny that you like the pain. By the last spank, your ass is on fire, but his large hands smoothing over them soon makes you forget about the pain.
Suddenly, youā€™re being yanked back by your hair, thrown on your side as he spoons you. Lifting one of your legs up, he slides into you from behind. The new position introduces a new angle for him to fuck you. ā€œOh shit, fuck, oh my god,ā€ you can only curse as he abuses your core deliciously. Instead of using the tie, he wraps his hand around your throat to choke you. You grip his forearm, letting him use your body to his content.
ā€œYour pussy is so good baby,ā€ he growls in your ear. ā€œSo tight, so wet, I could fuck you all night. Youā€™d like that, wouldnā€™t you?ā€ You mumble incoherently as a response, too gone in the pleasure heā€™s sending throughout your body. You let out a choked scream as his hand thatā€™s holding your leg up finds your sensitive nub, bringing you closer to the edge as he tells you how much he loves fucking you. Your legs shake as the pleasure overwhelms you, but he holds you close to keep you from going too far.
ā€œDonā€™t run away, I know you can take it doll.ā€
ā€œDaddy please,ā€ you beg shamelessly but you donā€™t even know what youā€™re begging for. You want him to keep ravaging you, but you physically donā€™t know if you can keep up.
Mr. Suh makes the decision for you, pulling out of you to stand at the edge of the bed. He grabs your ankles, dragging your body towards him. He holds your legs together, pushing them towards your chest. He slides right back in, wasting no time in fucking you again. He loves watching his dick slide in and out of you, loves hearing you moan his name, loves how tight you get for him. You let your legs fall open, sitting up on your elbows to watch him fuck you. Thereā€™s something insanely hot about watching you take every inch of him, you can see why he enjoys it so much.
Your breasts bounce with each thrust, which makes him grab handfuls of your tits, pinching your nipples. ā€œBaby, can I take a video of you? I wonā€™t get your face in it, you just look so good in this lingerie right now.ā€ You nod, feeling a surge of confidence at his words. He reaches for his phone on the nightstand, opening the camera and pressing record. He slows his thrusts, sliding into you slowly to show off how wet you are. The camera pans to your bra, giving them a squeeze for the video. He shoves your hand away, pulling your breasts out of your bra. He tugs on the tie, making sure not to get your face but still showing your makeshift collar off.
Without warning, he speeds his hips up again, earning a cry from you before ending the video and throwing his phone on the bed. Heā€™s so riled up, he just wants to use you to finish. ā€œYou gonna cum for me daddy?ā€ God, he loves hearing you beg for him. You sound so sweet saying the dirtiest things. ā€œCum for me please, I want it so bad, want you to cum in my mouth.ā€
ā€œOh shit baby,ā€ he pulls out quickly, grabbing your hair and shoving himself in your mouth, his warm release all on your tongue. You swallow every last drop, sucking him off as he groans at the slight overstimulation.
He takes a second to catch his breath, noticing your not so innocent eyes looking up at him eagerly. A playful smile spreads across your face and he knows that look all too well.
Youā€™re insatiable.
***********************************************
The next semester, youā€™re moving into a new dorm. Your parents are here to help you move everything in. You notice Mr. Suhā€™s son moving into the same dorm, looking around for a glimpse of him. Heā€™s carrying a box of things from the car to the front entrance, stopping you for a quick ā€œhello Miss Y/N, how was your break?ā€
He looks behind you, asking if those are your parents. ā€œMaybe I should say something to them.ā€
ā€œWhat are you gonna say?ā€
ā€œOh, I don't know, maybe something like: your girl calls me daddy too,ā€ he jokes as you storm off, cheeks flushing red.
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skzshortcake Ā· 4 years ago
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hiii! if your requests are open, can i request for a scenario where hyunjin gets worried because his s/o is overworking themself and shutting him out so he comforts them bcs he knows they have severe anxiety about failing or not being enough?? sorry if this is weird šŸ„ŗ thank you and have a nice day!
of course!!Ā 
favorite songĀ  -Ā  hwang hyunjin
member: hyunjin
warnings: anxiety and overworking (but a comforting ending!!)
note: (sorry to anyone who sent in a request earlier and i havenā€™t written it yet, iā€™m doing my best! iā€™m not in the mood forĀ ā€œhappyā€ things right now so it might be a little longer until my writing is back to normal) this wasnā€™t proofread and i dont know where i went with this but hi i hope you like it
requests are still open, but it might take me a bit to get to them.
-
ā€œi brought you a fruit plate. theyā€™re cut into heart shapes!ā€ you hear a knock at your door and hyunjinā€™s voice telling you what gift he brought. itā€™s about midday and you had a massive roster of projects to work on.
you would have usually let him in, but you were currently preoccupied with sitting in a pile of messy clothes and discarded lined paper stained with this morningā€™s tears.
you hesitate before gathering all of your might to stop your almost-tears and answer the door.
ā€œhey. thank you.ā€ you answer to his proud smile while he showed off his past 45 minutes spent cutting your favorite fruits into messy hearts. before you could explain why you had the door barely open to try and hide the mess, he pulled you into a hug.
ā€œi know youā€™re not feeling well right now, and thatā€™s ok, but itā€™s really important to me that i can help you. itā€™s my job to protect you and it hurts me to know that youā€™re going through a difficult time right now. so, is it ok if i clean your room for you? you donā€™t have to talk if you donā€™t want to, and i can keep quiet and you can ignore me, but i just want to do you a small favor.ā€
you just let him hold you for a second, the pink heart-shaped paper plate was nearly crushed in between you both.Ā ā€œyeah, uh.. sure.ā€ your voice obviously sounded like you were tearing up.Ā 
you paused.
ā€œiā€™m so scared, hyunjin.ā€ you choked out.
ā€œoh, little one, i know. itā€™s ok... itā€™s ok to be scared. can you tell me whatā€™s upsetting you?ā€ he barely pulled away from the hug to look you in the eye and brush hairs out of your face.
ā€œi have so much work to do. so much. iā€™m weeks behind and everyone else is going to be moving on and doing great things and iā€™m stuck here getting nowhere. iā€™m letting so many people down because everyone told me iā€™d be doing great things and here i am.ā€
he let you talk about your worries. hyunjin knew this feeling well, and also knew he couldnā€™t say much to change your mind, but he could certainly try, and he could definitely show you love and help you recover to a better mindset.
ā€œi know, sweetie. but weā€™re going to figure it out. if everyone worked at the same pace and did the same things then people wouldnā€™t be interesting. your work pace is your own, and itā€™s ok to slow down a bit. itā€™s like a dirt path, if everyone took the same path then it would get so worn down and weā€™d all end up in the same place. it would be too crowded.ā€Ā 
the sobs started to build in your throat even more. his words held half the amount of meaning that they usually would because you were in such a low place, and hyunjin knew that too, so he just pet your hair and let you cry as much as you needed.
ā€œi just want to feel ok again.ā€ you whimpered out to him.
hyunjinā€™s heart broke.
ā€œhere. how about i help you a bit,ā€ he bit back his tears to stay strong for youĀ ā€œiā€™m going to make your bed real quick, we can use the sheets i washed last night, and iā€™m going to lay you down there for a bit and youā€™re going to rest while i clean your room. we can figure it out from there.ā€ he stepped up and made a plan, knowing you didnā€™t have the energy to take charge.
you nodded, and with that hyunjin took the paper plate from you again and set a hand on your back to lead you to the cleanest corner of your room, which wasnā€™t saying much.
ā€œyou stay right here.ā€ he booped your nose after he put your favorite song on his phone and soon left to get the extra sheets.
once hyunjin came back (you were barely able to see him over the top of the massive stack of sheets he was holding) he made your bed, even going to the extent to fluff the pillows and arrange your stuffed animals for you.
hyunjin tenderly laid you down on your bed, praising you for slowing your breathing down to softer breaths.
ā€œyou can pick whatever songs you want.ā€ he set his phone in your hand and kissed your forehead, soon moving onto sitting on your floor, organizing papers and putting your clothes into a laundry basket.
you donā€™t know when you fell asleep, but you woke up feeling drowsy, seeing hyunjin above you mindlessly brushing your hair and listening to the playlist you put on earlier. he noticed your tear stained face and tired eyes and encouraged you to sleep again.
ā€œhey, sleep, sleep. iā€™ll be here when you wake up. youā€™re so tired, darling.ā€ he pushed your head back against his chest, and you fell asleep to him singingĀ ā€œgrow upā€ for you.
you surely knew this wouldnā€™t be the last time you felt like this, but with hyunjin it would all be ok in one way or another.Ā 
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shatteredfears-arch Ā· 2 years ago
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aLSO all DC muses being added/are already here, which iā€™m posting bc i donā€™t have bios posted for all of them so this is a quick rundown. as generally known, the main plotline of this blog is one big universe, but ofc, there are basis for these characters personality traits. And the main verse that is this blogā€™s verse has a mix of S/nyder and R/eeves, we donā€™t accept hate to either here. Also technically J/oker 2019. minor comic and other influences but i take what fits into the main world as my wild colorful brain views it (and yes, as an autistic, I view things differently than the non auts who call me names or choose to insult me-- too bad so sad for u tho iā€™m friends w the block button)Ā 
(obvious content warnings considering the fandom, a lot of these ppl are murderers, one of them considers consent 'optional' canonically, even in her 'good person' phase. some of these people are serial killers. gordon's chill but he's also a cop so that defaultly makes him not great when, like me, you're not white. he's not white either tho, and is trying to fix the issue from the inside, but it's still not a great career. if anyone knows anything abt pamela's backstory, i'm not mentioning it here, but that girl's been through it okay.)
B/rucey Wayne, obvs E/d Nashton, unfortunately, tho heā€™s technically an NPC/by request H/arvey D/ent, with a different take primarily based on T/elltale, where yknow, he becomes evil whether heā€™s mutilated or not. stop being gross DC if T/elltale a company owned by gross ppl can do it so can you. H/arley Q/uinn, whoā€™s been here, sheā€™s not an original take sheā€™s based off her og solo run but ppl thinkĀ ā€˜oh sheā€™s meanā€™ means original take when thats LITERALLY WHO SHE WAS BEFORE THEY WATERED HER DOWN TO HEROFY HER I dont accept that arc here. but i'm also not including all the canonical times she's forced consent on others, aka pushing J/oker into sex, breaking into floyd's house and laying naked in his bed and bullying him until he agrees to have sex, pushing ivy into physical contact until ivy agrees no matter how many times they say no. yeah. none of that happens here. but i do recognize it happens in canon, even if the fandom refuses to. al/exis k/aye, aka p/unchline, also a mostly original storyline not entirely following the comics, but idk i think sheā€™s neat du/ella d/ent, aka h/arveyā€™s bio daughter who he was so disappointed wasnā€™t twins he chose to ignore entirely, bc even tho i love harv/ey he is a terrible dad. case in point, his daughterā€™s obsession w villains and calling herself their daughters (sheā€™s been j/okers daughter, ri/ddlerā€™s daughter, etc, her coping mechanism is a piece of work). pre her taking that route tho, but she is presently obsessed with E/dward post TB2022.Ā  floyd la/wton, aka d/eadshot, based on older comics, with hints of ss2016 but not a lot, deffo inspo from jltas and games tho. i will never write fl/oyd x h/arley please never ask me, she literally wouldnā€™t leave him alone and broke into his house and sat naked in his bed until heā€™d have sex w her in canon. weā€™re not doing that here. keep that away from me.Ā  s/ofia f/alcone, carmineā€™s legitimate daughter and therefore selinaā€™s half sister. inheritor of carmineā€™s entire criminal bs, but because she wasnā€™t a player at the time, now has to become a player in the war for head of gotham crime.Ā  jane mo/riarty, technically started as an original interpretation of a moriarty sibling from s/herlock h/olmes, but i plotted and developed a DC plot relating to her in the TB2022 universe, so sheā€™s here now. university professor by day, weaving the web of gothamā€™s underground criminal schemes by night.Ā  J/ames G/ordon, currently a detective in go/tham, not yet commissioner, trusts batsy entirely but doesnā€™t let the team know about his affiliation with him. uncle to and eventually adopted father of his niece, b/arbara g/ordon, when his brother and sister in law die in a car crash.Ā 
P/amela I/sley, who is mostly based between older comics (including her runs in the SS) and A/rkhamverse, NOT watering her down the way the comics and shows did to just turn her intoĀ ā€˜har/leyā€™s girlfriendā€™ nor will i pretend the canonical interpretation of their ship is somehow healthy when theyā€™ve beaten the shit out of and mentally abused each other to no end. in general if you want a healthy ship, donā€™t look towards h/arley, and i/vy deserves better, but all in all I am not watering them down for the sake of romance.Ā theyā€™re villains. we can write them as healthily as we can plot if you want, but pamela deserves better than what the comics and that show have done for her. and the fandom as a whole tbh, which is why i love the interpretations i follow over canon 99% of the time. and if you wanna plot/write w any of them lmk and hit me up w a plot if u have one, or if you wanna try and get to a comic point or game point or anything, it can be discussed, but i will not jump into ships w pamela, alexis, or ivy. everyone else is a case by case basis.
anyways here's the new carrd. almost none of the characters mentioned have bios btw that's why i'm posting this here lol.
#bc everytime i post smthn w pam i get fake accts messaging me abt wanting to write canon scenes that are majorly abusive and getting mad at#everytime i say no lol#'it's a different canon to--' funny how that's only ever said#to excuse hypocrisy#don't think i don't notice i'm autistic i notice almost everything#the slightest hint that you're being weird to me i fucking notice#removing me from your list bc you found sb else who you like writing w more???? yeah i noticed that too lol#i just didn't say anything but i notICED#thx#anyways#abuse cw#sa cw#out.#i love hq don't get me wrong#90% of the fandom including those that recognize that all her ships are abusive not just jhq but h/ivy is too lol#even the ppl that DO recognize that#claim her forcing consent is okay bc 'it's played off as a joke!!!' and no#forcing consent isn't a joke#showing up in a man's bed completely naked when he's already told you no MULTIPLE times isn't okay either#and i'm tired of ppl pretending she's only a victim like she's been a victim yes#but she victimizes others s o much she's a horrible person#and the worst kind of manipulator#she's bubbly and lovably too don't get me wrong she isn't aware she's doing it#but that doesn't make it okay#alexis is so cool tho this bitch LITERALLY manipualted the entire world via social media#to get clear cut off of being held legally responsible for anything#and make the batfam look bad#she's an evil genius it's just a shame that#her current personality is so similar to harley's original personality#ran out of tags BUT if anyone wants me to do this for each fandom things are coming in/out of lmk bc i may
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palmett-hoes Ā· 4 years ago
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per your post "every single one of the monsters is autistic and/or adhd" will you elaborate on that?, if you do i will love you forever (not that i wont if you dont do it)
oh boy i would love to!!! unironically nothing brings me more joy than writing long, convoluted character analysis posts
---
okay so iā€™ve written several posts before about why andrew is autistic. his moral code, the roundabout way he communicates, his body language, his stimulation-seeking behavior, his strict adherence to transactional deals, the emphasis on honesty, and a dozen other details. at this point i just take andrew being autistic as fact, not just an interpretation
h o w e v e rĀ  i also hc that andrew is dyslexic, which is also a neurodiverse condition
- - -
similarly, iā€™ve seen more than one person interpret kevin as autistic, and i absolutely agree that it fits. not just the hyperfocus on exy but mostly the way he communicates. heā€™s very indirect, especially in his affection but very direct with his opinions. he tries to be helpful in a material way to the people he cares about, even if he comes off as negative. he wants the people he cares about to be safe and successful so he pushes them to work hard and reminds them in measurable ways how to stay healthy. he doesnā€™t factor in a lot of room for emotions, so instead he focuses on quantifiable things that he can improve. i personally act very similarly. approaching someone emotionally is hard for me, so when the people i care about have problems all i can think to do is try offering solutions, check up on their well-being, etc. practicality instead of conventional sentiment is extremely common with asd
- - -
so now letā€™s talk about neil. i had to think on this one for a WHILE but ultimately came to the conclusion that neil is adhd, probably hyperactive type.Ā 
like obviously neil is high energy. i would say he probably does the most exercise of anyone on the team. morning run, morning practice, afternoon practice, night practice with kevin and andrew, plus he doesnā€™t have a car so he runs to class (on a BIG ass campus), and goes for an extra run when he feels stressed. thatā€™s... insane, honestly.
neil reminds me SO MUCH of this post that goes:
ā€œWas just informed by my mom that I do in fact have ADHD and the reason I thought I didnā€™t was because ever since I was seven whenever I got super energetic my mom would have me go chop wood so now when Iā€™m feeling The ADHD I go chop woodā€
(phenomenal post) and thatā€™s neil to a t. tell me this isnā€™t exactly how neil handles his problems and also exactly what mary would have had to do to keep her unmedicated and very energetic son focused on the task of staying alive
neil also definitely has that ADHD on/off switch with his interest. the obvious being exy which is like the definition of a hyperfixation, but you can see it in other things: the way he runs totally hot or totally cold with people, his complete disinterest in his schoolwork, the way he canā€™t seem to sit still long enough to follow movies. but then thereā€™s also the hyperfocus. doing the same drill for hours on end. watching exy game after exy game. staring at andrew until time falls away
whatā€™s more, neil on many occasions shows racing thoughts, both in an anxiety way (and anxiety often goes hand-and-hand with adhd) but also as a way to quickly and accurately take in details about people to build a character profile of them. this is what allows him to connect with the foxes, how he manages to get through andrewā€™s puzzles, and even how he knows what to say in order to knock riko down a peg. his brain just works so fast and it takes in a lot of very specific details and disparate information to make connections.
but also like,, neil has a HUGE problem with time blindness. like the instant he didnā€™t have his mother around to manage and direct him anymore he lost all sense of time. he stayed in Millport for a YEAR. and what did he keep telling himself during that time? basically ā€œi really need to move on, but not just yet.ā€ for a YEAR! then he gets to palmetto and heā€™s likeĀ ā€œiā€™ll cut and run in a month or twoā€ then he doesnā€™tĀ ā€œiā€™ll be gone by halloweenā€ wrong againĀ ā€œiā€™ll leave by the ravenā€™s gameā€ nope. like,, the boy just has NO sense of time and he canā€™t seem to make himself DO anything outside of an externally enforced schedule. and even then,,, HE HAD 48 FUCKING DAYS TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING TO DO TO NOT GET MURDERED! 48 WHOLE DAYS. he didnā€™t make a plan, he didnā€™t write down any letters with goodbyes, he didnā€™t GO TO THE FBI LIKE HEā€™D INTENDED TO THE WHOLE TIME! nah he just made out with andrew and when he finally got to zero he was just likeĀ ā€œah shit, that was fast. oh well guess iā€™ll dieā€ and thatā€™s time blindness, babey!
---
letā€™s move on to nicky.Ā 
now i think it would be really easy to say nicky is just adhd because heā€™s high energy and forgetful but tbh,, i donā€™t think thatā€™s all of it. like if you really look at nickyā€™s character and especially at his problems, he has asd problems just as much as he has adhd problems.
so nicky is dual diagnosis asd and adhd. also nicky reminds me a lot of a girl i used to know who was autistic/adhd
so, adhd:
very generally speaking, ppl with adhd will struggle with sitting still, listening to and following instructions, planning/organization, following a schedule, and some social boundaries likeĀ ā€œappropriateā€ times and topics of conversation
i would say you see hints of this with nicky. heā€™s definitely a rambunctious personality, constantly on the move, constantly stimulation seeking. heā€™s very tactile. he likes to dance, he likes to party, he complains about it but heā€™s an elite-level athlete. heā€™s also decidedly very chatty, and doesnā€™t seem to really pay attention to what heā€™s saying. he distracts himself and the people around him have to keep him on track. he has some trouble with boundaries. heā€™s a little all over the place. heā€™s almost a bit of an adhd stereotype
also one thing i find interesting is that when neil sees him in the library doing work neil is surprised to see heā€™s capable of that, especially bc when we see the upperclassmen doing work they generally do it in their dorms or on the bus and/or with other people around. that hyper-social nicky would be alone in a quiet place is weird. but this is like the most common tip for dealing with adhd. donā€™t do it in a familiar space. have a designated space and time to do work. limit distractions. just a lil detail
so now, asd:
in all honesty, most of nickyā€™s actual problems in the narrative could be viewed as stemming from asd symptoms. his number one issue being that he has a lot of trouble with nonverbal cues (and tbh, verbal ones too). the twins are mostly quiet. andrew especially (when heā€™s sober) communicates primarily nonverbally, and nicky seems to have a lot of trouble with this. despite knowing them for the longest on the team, nicky honestly seems to have the least insight into the way either of the twins actually thinks or processes things. he loves them, and heā€™s very forgiving of them, but he fundamentally doesnā€™t understand them.Ā 
the twins, andrew especially, put up a LOT of nonverbal boundaries, and nicky sort of inadvertently keeps trampling all over them. heā€™s touchy in a way they donā€™t like. he talks a lot about their personal lives to other people. he treats them like theyā€™re joking when theyā€™re serious. etc. and like,,, you kind of get the sense that the upperclassmen feel similarly about him. beyond the homophobia, beyond the fact that heā€™s loyal to andrew, the upperclassmen still treat him with this sense of,, bafflement, i suppose? itā€™s clear that they donā€™t really understand him and he doesnā€™t really understand them. although, nicky IS curious about the upperclassmen, while the upperclassmen are pretty dismissive of him. it reminds me of when my sweet, floppy dog tries to play with my cat. their body language is different; theyā€™re each receiving different signals than they believe theyā€™re sending out
only,, nicky loves people!! he likes being around them, he likes talking to them. heā€™s interested in their lives and stories, but itā€™s very clear that he canā€™t read between the lines on people. he has an incredibly hard time with people who expect their actions to speak for them, which is most people, but is especially his cousins.
actually this is very much also an issue that i have: things need to be spelled out for me. the way i deal with it is i ask a lot of questions.Ā ā€˜how do you want me to react to this potential situation?ā€™Ā ā€˜what are specific things that make you most comfortable?ā€™Ā ā€˜please explain to me exactly how you feel and what has prompted those feelings?ā€™ and iā€™m always communicating vice versa like that with other people. a lot of specifics in both questions and answers
and the interesting thing is, when i was skimming through the books reviewing dialogue styles for another ask, i noticed that, actually, nicky DOES do this. with neil and the upperclassmen, nicky asks a LOT of quick, clarifying questions. things that ask after tone, that ask after intent. itā€™s kinda sad that he does this for communicating with acquaintances, but with the twins, the people heā€™s closest to, he makes a lot more assumptions. and iā€™m really proud of nicky for having this coping skill, because i canā€™t imagine itā€™s something he grew up doing. thereā€™s no way he was raised in an environment that fostered this kind of open communication so it must have been something he learned about much later, probably in germany with the kloses, which would also explain why heā€™s a lil imperfect about it
---
now last but not least, aaron
this is another one i had to think through for a long time before it felt like it fit
much like how i felt that it would be easy to read nicky as simply adhd rather than also asd, i think it would be easy to say aaron is autistic simply because he is quieter, less rambunctious. however, i actually think heā€™s adhd, likely primarily inattentive type
in all honesty, aaronā€™s #1 character trait for the first two books is basically that heā€™s disconnected. detached. separated both from his family and his team. not in the same forcefully apathetic way that andrew is, more,, spaced out. heā€™s just kind,, there. not really paying attention to whatā€™s going on, tuning in every once in a while only if something really catches his eye/ear then tuning right back out again. just sits in his corner and plays on his phone. and the thing is, from the moments when he does tune in, you can tell that he actually does care. he backs nicky when seth insults him in tfc, and we know he cares deeply about andrew even if heā€™s become disillusioned with their fraught relationship. he even hangs with his family, doesnā€™t seem to really try and slip away to other friends besides katelyn, heā€™s fine spending his leisure time with the monsters. so itā€™s not totally apathy, heā€™s just,,, tuned out most of the time
and, yea, that sounds like adhd. itā€™s not the type that most people are familiar with, and for a lot of people this causes it to slip under the radar. it can make it hard to get help or a dx because it doesnā€™t fit with how adhdĀ ā€œshouldā€ look or how someoneĀ ā€œshouldā€ act, but difficulty focusing your thoughts and staying in tune with the current moment is absolutely part of adhd
addiction is also a huge problem for people with adhd. a lot of stimulants affect people with adhd very differently than neurotypicals, especially in small doses, and an adhd kid whoā€™s struggled their whole lives with the disorder might try speed or god-forbid meth or fuck even coffee and suddenly find that things are a lot easier for them. they start to self-medicate, they donā€™t actually know what theyā€™re doing, and then theyā€™re addicted, and everything spirals out of control. we donā€™t know too many details about aaronā€™s addiction other than that his mother enabled him, but wouldnā€™t this fit? itā€™s also an explanation for aaron still taking drugs at edenā€™s, given that cracker dust seems to be a mild amphetamine. (aaron talk to betsy about the neurocog and get an actual prescription please)
(total throw away but aaron plays videogames and videogames are like,, adhd culture)
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littlemisslipbalm Ā· 4 years ago
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Little Border Town Pt. 3
Summary: It begins with a man and a woman, as it always seems to. One lives in France and the other lives in Italy, technically, but theyā€™re also neighbors. Various issues arise between these two and they canā€™t ever seem to see eye to eye on anything. Will they ever move past their petty fighting or is the little town they live in doomed to only gossip about what Harry and Y/N are fighting about today?Ā 
Part 3: the one with the boat and the beginning of a storm
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ITā€™S BEEN AGESSSS I AM SO SO SORRY I LOVE YALL SO MUCH AND EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER READ THIS THANK YOU FOR BEING PATIENT
also harry is wearing this fit in this part just no tie?? i think i cant remember
college has been incredibly crazy this year already and i just dont have time to write like i did before i went back. i honestly had this mostly finished and i havent reread so i have no idea what even happens so lmk what you think, i canā€™t imagine that it will get a lot of notes but if it did id be very happy about that - anyways lots of love and feedback appreciated as always...pls enjoy
Word Count: 6.6k | Warnings: ?? Swearing? idek, more yearning bc slow burn
Catch up here! part 1 | 2 |
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ā€œIsnā€™t the weather not ideal for boat sailing today,ā€ she ponders as her face looks up at the sky. Sheā€™s walking into Harryā€™s store again after running back to her place to grab a jacket and lock up. She placed a notecard in the doorā€™s window that says ā€œclosed today, see you tomorrowā€ with a smiling face as punctuation.
Harry grins, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He had sailing boots on his feet with a smart big-collared printed shirt and marigold trousers. Instead of a belt, he had suspenders that matched the color of his pants and a pearl necklace as his final accessory other than his rings. He must have repainted his nails this morning because they were a light lavender shade that hadnā€™t been noticeable last night.
ā€œItā€™s just fine. Weā€™re entering fall and the sun is out today!ā€ He gestures to the sky above them and she nods in agreement that the sun is indeed out. However she wasnā€™t sure if sheā€™d categorize it as a nice day to go out on the sea still. With the sun there were also many clouds, they were mostly white and fluffy, but she was sure they could turn sinister any moment.
ā€œReady?ā€ He beams.
ā€œAs Iā€™ll ever be.ā€
-
On the boat, Y/N felt her stomach churning. Was she giddy or unnerved? Likely, both.
Harry was tying the boat off the dock after helping her onto the deck. It wasnā€™t a huge boat, not a yacht or anything, but it also wasnā€™t a tiny sailboat. It had an upper deck where maybe four people - at most - could comfortably be. Then a lower deck, inside a hatch in the upper deck. She couldnā€™t discern how much space was down there, but she was sure Harry would show her. He was talking through everything he was doing on the boat. Ad nauseum for an extremely nontechnical girl, such as herself.
Still, she sat in the spot he had directed her to next to the closed hatch and watched him move gracefully around the boat. Maneuvering the sails and different parts of the boat was a dance for Harry. Each step, each twist and knot, moved by a song unknown to her. It was beautiful. He was completely in his element, surprisingly. Again, Harry surprised her. She knew he had a boat, but whenever she thought of a jerk with a boat she didnā€™t think of what she was seeing with her own eyes. It was beautiful - or at least, it would be, if heā€™d shut his big mouth that was now making her roll her eyes as he made a pun about boats.
ā€œSo,ā€ Harry starts finally, finishing up whatever he needed to do to get the boat off the dock and on the path he wanted. They were moving out into open water, she could see the little town, but it was growing smaller by the minute. Her stomach churned again as she looked up at the man she had just trusted to take her out onto the ocean. She grimaced slightly at the thought.
ā€œDo you want to see the inside?ā€ he continued.
She nods eagerly, ā€œFinally!ā€
He chuckles lightly before opening up the hatch and gesturing for her to go first. She looks at him hesitantly.
ā€œThis isnā€™t a trap right? Itā€™s not going to be all...murder-y down there?ā€ Her voice is pitched higher, sheā€™s almost completely serious.
This time Harryā€™s laugh comes from his belly, almost doubling over at the word ā€˜murder-yā€™. Between laughs, he tries to reassure her. ā€œGod no...oh my god.ā€ More laughter, then a deep breath. ā€œThe only evil entity on this boat is the diavola I invited on here,ā€ he gestures to her standing in front of him and her eyes narrow. Displeasure washing over her features.
ā€œYouā€™re ridiculous,ā€ her hand swats at his sternum before she turns from him and climbs down to the underdeck area.
When sheā€™s down, sheā€™s surprised with her surroundings and she doesnā€™t notice Harry follow quickly behind her. Itā€™s neat and stylish. Well, sheā€™s not completely surprised, Harry was very fashionable. But the neatness dissipated all thoughts of the improbable scenario where Harry had lured her on his boat to murder her. It was what she had been freaking out over when she had at first refused to enter.
There was a small daybed at the end of the hall that doubled as a couch, a door to a bathroom, a dining area, a kitchenette, and then the random area they were standing in. It wasnā€™t super spacious, it was a hallway with things around it, but it was clean and it smelled nice. Everything had a place and they were neatly put in their places. After a moment, she turned at the feeling of Harryā€™s presence behind her.
He grinned, scanning the areas her eyes had just taken in for the first time. His green eyes were filled with admiration. ā€œDo you like it?ā€
ā€œYeah, smells like you.ā€ She nods matter of factly.
ā€œHuh?ā€ His head whips to her, sure he hadnā€™t heard her right.
ā€œThe whole place is very you,ā€ she looks away from him and walks down the hall to the daybed and takes a seat, ā€œStyles-ish.ā€
He follows quickly behind, shaking his head out of his own thoughts.
He mumbles a thanks, not catching the play on words sheā€™d used with his last name. She smiles to herself, pleased. He stands in the doorway, not really wanting to sit beside her. Maybe he didnā€™t trust himself with being in such close proximity with her anymore. No, not after last night.
Her eyes widen slightly when he leans against the doorway and crosses his arms. The sleeves of his button-up had been rolled up when he had been working with the sails. Her lips suddenly are dry and she wets them with her tongue, eyes moving to the fabric of the blanket sheā€™s sat on top of.
ā€œI meant to say,ā€ Harry breaks the silence, obviously not a fan of the quiet. A hand leaves his pose and runs through his hair, rings classically tugging at his curls. He swallows before he speaks again, ā€œThanks, uh, for stopping me last night. That wouldā€™ve been weirdā€¦ā€
He trails off and her eyes go wide again, but now theyā€™re trained on his face. His eyes are downcast now, watching the way light plays off his rings. She tries to make out the sound in his voice, the expression heā€™s trying to hide with indifference. Her teeth tug her bottom lip into her mouth as she thinks, silence once again taking hold of the small, small room. The air is tense, static, unmoving, the complete opposite of the water that rushes just outside the walls of the boat.
She clears her throat and Harry locks eyes with her, ā€œNo problem...alcohol and atmosphere, clouds the head. I get it.ā€ She did, but she also hadnā€™t wanted the gratitude Harry had just placed on her. Ā 
ā€œYou booze, you lose,ā€ he smiles, straightening up and she looks at him quizzically.
ā€œThatā€™s such an odd phrase.ā€
ā€œNo itā€™s not!ā€
ā€œItā€™s a play on ā€˜you snooze, you loseā€™ right?ā€ She leans forward, face looking smugly up at Harryā€™s offended face.
ā€œWell, yeah,ā€ Harry admits.
ā€œI canā€™t believe you made that up and got it tattooed,ā€ She states breezily and then stands. She brushes past him to look around the rest of the cabin.
Harry scoffs, not even noticing the way her fingers had brushed over his naked forearm as she passed, too focussed on his indignation. ā€œHowā€™d you know about the tattoo?ā€
ā€œNaked neighbor? Never closing his shade? Do you seriously need a refresher course already? Seriously, boat boy, I really thought you were smarter than that,ā€ She talks as she snoops around the different parts of the cabin. She pokes at figurines and looks at little photos and paintings. Her head looks over her shoulder and she laughs happily at Harryā€™s face of irritation. It was so easy to push his buttons.
ā€œDonā€™t call me boat boy,ā€ he seethes, but she knows heā€™s not really mad. More like heā€™s a child who got told no dessert before dinner. A laugh rocks through her body again and bubbles to the surface. It causes Harry to soften, this time thereā€™s no alcohol in his system to account for the feeling he just felt. He mirrors the smile she has. That is until she reaches the kitchenette and finds a rack of CDs sitting beside the sink.
She turns from him and begins to leaf through them, most of them are artists she recognizes. But then she reaches some that are just titled ā€œDemoā€ with various numbers beside the word. Her fingers nimbly pick out ā€œDemo #1ā€ and turn back to Harry with an inquisitive gaze. His green eyes are bigger than usual, the smile gone from his face.
ā€œThese from the boy band days?ā€ She smiles wider as he turns a little red. She crosses closer to him, remembering the sight of a cd player in the main area where the entrance to the cabin was.
ā€œErm..no.ā€ She flips around again, confused again, but then it dawns on her. ā€œDemos for my solo work.ā€
ā€œThat you put on hold to take over for your Uncle.ā€
ā€œGreat Uncle.ā€ He corrects.
ā€œI know.ā€ She waited a second, where she was about to be quick to play the CD, she now wanted to get Harryā€™s permission. It might be a little more personal than she had first thought. ā€œCan we listen to this one? Youā€™d technically be taking me up on the request to play for me sometime.ā€
ā€œYeah, theyā€™re rough - obviously. So if you could try to not bruise my ego, at least not more than you usually do,ā€ he grins and she looks at him with dead eyes. A smile cracks on her face quickly, still.
ā€œI wouldnā€™t...this is different,ā€ she struggles to find the right words. She would never make fun of something he cared a lot about, not now. She wasnā€™t that person, it was odd to think he maybe saw her like that. She shook away the thought and focused on placing the CD in its player correctly.
The first song begins to play, heā€™s right it is rough, itā€™s a demo. Thereā€™s no backing vocals or beat of any kind. Just a voice and a guitar. And itā€™s amazing. After the guitar intro, she lets out a breath she had been holding when she hears the voice. His voice. Itā€™s beautiful. And sheā€™s shocked, her eyes flash to Harry. Heā€™s nibbling at his bottom lip, watching her hear it for the first time. His voice from all those years ago.
ā€œBrooklyn saw me empty at the news, thereā€™s no water inside this swimming pool.ā€
Her eyes light up again at the lyrics and she smiles, finding it melancholic yet slightly funny at the same time. It was interesting, the words, his voice, the meaning. Some bits of information eluded her, but she knew she enjoyed the song.
ā€œAnd Iā€™ve been praying, I never did before.ā€
Even as the song moved on from this one lyric, she felt it replaying in her head as she watched the singer in front of her. Years older than he had been when he had written this song. She was filled with questions and paused the CD as the guitar faded out.
ā€œThatā€™s it?ā€ Harry laughs, ā€œJust one song? It was really that horrible?ā€
ā€œOh my god, no!ā€ She is emphatic, needing Harry to understand sheā€™s serious. She takes a step closer to his figure. He had traveled closer to her while the song had played. They were almost chest to chest and her hand goes out to touch his forearm. ā€œI really liked it, genuinely. I just needed a moment before the next one.ā€
ā€œBracing yourself?ā€
ā€œStop, Iā€™m serious. It was beautiful. Your voice is wonderful, Harry.ā€
His eyes sparkle at the praise, finally believing sheā€™s not taking the piss. Then his eyes dropped from her gaze, ā€œI was a lot younger then, was 21 I think when I recorded this demo.ā€
ā€œSo? A voice like that doesnā€™t just disappear, dude.ā€ She looks at him with a finality in her expression before dropping the hand that was firmly gripping his tattooed arm and turning back to the CD player.
Harry bites his lip as another one of his early songs plays over the shoddy speakers. His voice repeats ā€œMeet me in the hallwayā€ over the solo guitar. Thereā€™s no echo or bass, no count in like the final song was supposed to have. Itā€™s just him and his guitar, before he chose to leave it all behind.
His voice is sadder here, she notices and she visibly winces at ā€œjust take the pain awayā€ and ā€œjust let me know, Iā€™ll be on the floorā€ and his repetition of ā€œgotta get better.ā€
How did this man, who seemed fazed by practically nothing, have so much hurt in him to write both of these songs? Her eyes welled with water, but she blinked them back still staring at the singer before her. He was watching the CD spin in the player as his voice came through the speakers. He was lost in thought, in memory. Maybe she was lucky, these werenā€™t memories for her, she was only hearing his interpretation of his life. She hadnā€™t had to live that pain first hand. This time she doesnā€™t pause before the next song.
The next one seems more produced than the last two. This one starts with drums, a step up from the last two acoustic demos in respect to production. A big crash and then a wailing guitar and an accompanying voice. His voice is stronger here, more sure of himself. And then it changes again, melancholic once again and her heart strings are yanked at again.
ā€œWeā€™re not who we used to be, weā€™re just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me, trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat.ā€
The guitar continues that sad tone for a riff and then goes back to strumming beneath his voice. She shifts her eyes to him again and sighs softly, it weighs heavy on her soul that the man next to her has seemingly been through so much heartache. He looks up at ā€œWe donā€™t see what we used to seeā€ and she holds his gaze, brows knit together in confusion and sadness. She pauses this time, finger reaching out without looking.
ā€œThis is depressing, please tell me theyā€™re not all sad songs or I might as well have turned on a pet rescue commercial.ā€
His smile etches on his face, in a small knowing smirk and he crosses into her personal space. Sheā€™s about to step back, but he reaches out and softly bats her finger away from the pause/play button. She smiles back, shuffling to lean against the counter beside him. It was unusual for them to be on the same side of the counter, much like last night at the bar.
ā€œThereā€™s six songs on this demo. Three sad, threeā€¦ā€ he trails off, looking at her expectantly. She nods. ā€œYou gotta learn to be a little less impatient, hmm?ā€
ā€œNot impatient, just trying to brace myself for more sadness. I thought I had been promised a day of fun,ā€ she grumbles.
ā€œI wasnā€™t the one who suggested a demo listening party,ā€ his brows raise and she twists her mouth to the side at his smug response.
ā€œTrue,ā€ she finally concedes with a murmur.
He presses play and a new song comes on that is more upbeat than any of the otherā€™s that have played so far. It also seems to be a bit more produced than the first two. Her hand rests on the countertop and begins to tap, she quirks her brow at the first lyric ā€œsheā€™s got a family in carolina, so far away, but she says I remind her of home.ā€ Ā A girl who likened Harry Styles to the South of the United States, interesting. As she listens to the lyrics, she smirks at the massive crush he must have had to write this song. The ā€œgood girlā€ lyrics bounce around in her mind and her mind drifts back to last night. Would it have felt good? To kiss Harry?
Then, sheā€™s brought out of her reverie with ā€œI met her once and wrote a song about herā€. Her eyes widen and look to Harry again inquisitively as his past self muses over how good this girl felt. He wrote about a one night stand? That woman must have been magic. That was all she had to say about that.
ā€œReally?ā€ She asks incredulously, folding her arms over her chest. His gaze flickers at the movement, human nature. He presses pause.
ā€œWhat?ā€
ā€œA one night stand earned that?ā€
He looked at her seriously, like the answer was obvious. She laughs before continuing.
ā€œYouā€™re a simp.ā€
ā€œIā€™m sorry?ā€ He sputters at her statement immediately.
She raises her brows as a response now. Nothing else to say.
ā€œShe wasnā€™t a one night stand,ā€ he defends, ā€œShe was a blind date...and it had been after a dry spell.ā€
She starts to laugh, about to give another snarky response, but he adds, ā€œAnd I was twenty-one.ā€ The numbers specifically enunciated.
ā€œYouā€™re still a simp in my book...but I liked the song. It was catchy, rock vibes in there. I donā€™t know about her telling you remind her of Carolina - north or south, I donā€™t see it.ā€
He eyes her warily, still not happy with her titling him that gen z term that was super popular all over the internet. He took her in and he knew she was only three years younger than him, he was pretty sure, yet she used ā€˜simpā€™ and ā€˜vibesā€™ like they were lexicon words. He didnā€™t hate it, it was just different than what he usually heard in the little border town. Italian not having translations for things like that, English was so interesting, internet language was so interesting. Ā 
ā€œI-ā€ He starts and stops. ā€œShe said it. Was she right? Thatā€™s not my place to judge.ā€
ā€œI donā€™t know,ā€ Y/N pressed, words dragging out playfully, ā€œPersonally, I wouldnā€™t want to be a reminder of the U.S. South, but okay...simp.ā€
ā€œI swear to god if you call me that one more time, Iā€™m throwing you overboard and I wonā€™t feel bad about it.ā€
Her eyes widen and then she smiles, he cracks a smile too. They huddle back around the CD player, ready for the next song. It starts with a strong guitar and drums, again well produced compared to the acoustic earlier ones.
His voice in this is far more shaky, unsure of himself again. ā€œLet me take my medicine, take my medicine, treat you like a gentleman,ā€ comes through the speakers. She shivers and looks at him, her fingers tapping along to the beat. The instruments are strong where his voice is soft, it doesnā€™t exactly fit, but she likes the lyrics still. When it gets to the pre-chorus, thatā€™s when she knows she loves the song.
ā€œI had a few got drunk on you and now Iā€™m wasted, and when I sleep Iā€™m gonna dream of how you (tasted)ā€
When his voice pitches high for ā€˜wastedā€™ she loses it. Her body moves with the instruments and her eyes close and her head wiggles. Harry smiles happily as she dances for the first time to one of his songs. The last word must have been shouted by his bandmates, because she doesnā€™t hear him say it.
Then the chorus hits and she wonders how it got even better. Her eyes shoot open and she just stares at Harry, her jaw slightly dropped.
ā€œIf you got out tonight, Iā€™m going out tonight cause I know youā€™re persuasive! You got that something and I got me an appetite now I can taste itā€
His past self sings of getting dizzy and his voice moans into the mic the demo was recorded on. Sheā€™s blown away. It sounds so hot, his voice gaining confidence during the pre-chorus and the chorus to have an all around rockstar sound.
The present Harry just taps his rings together as he watches her, studying her reaction with an even-tempered expression. Why isnā€™t he screaming like she is on the inside? When it gets to the second verse sheā€™s bracing herself for whatā€™s to come. This song has her pulse racing and blood flowing wildly around her body. Sheā€™s buzzing from it.
ā€œThe boys and the girls are in, I mess around with him and Iā€™m okay with itā€
The electric guitar follows the line up and she thinks sheā€™s going to pass out on this boat right now. Flamboyant Harry. Was this what Marie had been talking about. The wild side of Harry she really had never seen, embodied in one song. She wanted more of it. Still all she got was the Harry on the demo rocking out to his song. She can hear him smiling through the recording, the sad boy from a few songs ago was now feeling euphoric. She just wanted to dance the night away with him.
Then another pre-chorus: ā€œIā€™m coming down, I figured out I kinda like it, and when I sleep Iā€™m gonna dream of how you (ride it)ā€
His voice goes high again for ā€˜like itā€™ this time and her question of what is to follow is quickly answered with the bandmates screaming ā€˜ride itā€™ into the mics they must have had. Itā€™s punctuated with the drums and other instruments. A noise escapes the back of her throat and Harry looks at her both smugly and amused. She rolls her eyes in response, trying to convince Harry that she hadnā€™t just had images of him singing about how good someone rides him flash in her mind. Even more so with the images of someone, namely her, being the object of his dreams. Doing the things he said heā€™d dream of. That, that was definitely not what she was thinking about. Definitely not. Her throat was dry and she swallowed hard. Harryā€™s eyes never left her face. Watching every reaction, gauging it and storing the information elsewhere for the time being.
She sings along to the chorus, trying to focus on the song, it was easy to pick up, but then the damn moans. And then thereā€™s a guitar solo that sounds like sex itself and sheā€™s baffled that this was an unreleased demo, not a famous rock song. Harry in front of her canā€™t stop himself from tapping his feet at this part, a little dance forming on his body as his eyes finally leave her figure. They close as he feels the music, the memory of his friend playing the riff clear in his mind and how much he had loved it. It builds up again and then thereā€™s a final chorus. She watches him now as he dances in the confined space. His mouth opens to sing along to the ā€œla la laā€™sā€
It ends and goes straight into another upbeat song. It seemed like a complimentary song to the one that had just played.
ā€œI donā€™t want your sympathy, but you donā€™t know what you do to me, oh Anna!ā€
His voice sings strong again. Harry before her composed himself again, going back to his watching position. He took in her tapping and smiling to the song. He also mouths the words slightly as it plays, the lyrics clear as the day he finished writing them almost 4 years ago. One of the final ones for this demo.
ā€œHope you never hear this and know that itā€™s for you, donā€™t know what Iā€™d tell you if you asked me for the truthā€
She smirks at him, now, with the earnest lyrics, about to say something, but then notices the change in the guitar. It switches from the epic riff that was going to a more familiar tune, ā€œFaithā€ by George Michael. She looks at him, a cheesy grin on her face as the voice begins to sing the chorus of that song. Her body begins to dance to it, like an old man doing the twist. Sheā€™s not ashamed and Harry loves it and joins her by mirroring the movements.
When the song comes to an end, theyā€™re one large giggling mess. She falls into his arms and he holds her steady, their laughter coming out with freedom.
ā€œThanks for making me be patient,ā€ She looks up at him, ā€œit was worth it!ā€
He smiles, backing up slightly, ā€œItā€™s like I knew what I was talking about.ā€
ā€œOk smart guy,ā€ she teases with a silly voice. ā€œIā€™m assuming whoever Anna is, isnā€™t actually named Anna then...?ā€
Harry hums and makes a twitch of his brows, but doesnā€™t respond. Instead he grabs her hand and she squeaks slightly, he pulls her to the ladder and prompts her to go up. She obliges silently and lands back on the top of the boat now. She looks out and sees the little town to be off in the distances now, shining blue water all around the creamy white boat.
Harry stands behind her now and shuts the hatch easily. She looks at him warily, confused by his silence. He extends his hand to her this time and she takes it. He leads her to the front of his boat. Theyā€™re moving, but so slowly youā€™d barely notice. Thereā€™s a loveseat of sorts right at the front and Harry sets her down in it. She smiles at him with caution, still bewildered. He leans against a part of the boat that stands in front of the seat.
ā€œItā€™s beautiful, right?ā€ He asks.
Her eyes have been looking around her, but theyā€™ve mostly been trained on Harry. She was mesmerized by him now. His music, his boat, his clothes, his everything. She was seeing him in a new light. In a completely brand new way that had her unable to take her eyes off of him.
She nods finally when Harry looks at her expectantly. ā€œItā€™s amazing,ā€ she breathes.
His smile is the half-sided grin again. Beautiful big teeth on display with a little part of space between them. His dimple pops out and once again her eyes are on his face. She realized going on this boat with Harry might not have been such a good idea. Ā 
He folds his arms, her eyes flicker down. Every movement he makes, she doesnā€™t want to miss it. Even if she also is telling her mind to shake it off, she canā€™t. Itā€™s like a spell.
ā€œObviously Anna is a pseudonym,ā€ he says finally, eyes watching where the boat was taking him. She nods in approval. He pauses, watching the little waves, but she knows he has more to say.
ā€œWhat did you think of the rest of it?ā€ He asks quietly, gaze never going back to her. He knew sheā€™d teased him a little and had danced along to some. Sheā€™d looked at him with wide eyes at some lyrics, but he wanted to know what she really thought.
She can tell heā€™s nervous, but she doesnā€™t understand why. They were all very good songs, his voice was beautiful, the lyrics were interesting. She didnā€™t understand his lack of confidence. His first time not exhibiting his usual self-assured - self-absorbed, even - personality. She bites her lip in confusion and his brows knit together, further showing his apprehension. The wrinkles in his forehead show up more prominently and sheā€™s reminded that Harry is 26. Heā€™s a different person now then he was back when he recorded that demo. Maybe there was a reason he kept them on the boat. She felt unsure in her response now.
ā€œThey were all great, Harry.ā€ His face softens immediately. ā€œEach one was beautifully written and sung. The ones that were acoustic sounded wonderful as did the ones with your whole band. Iā€™m honored to be someone who got to hear those masterpieces.ā€
She wanted to tell them they should be famous songs, but she had a feeling that might not have the effect on him that she wanted. He had chosen a little quiet life in the little border town. She didnā€™t think he would want to hear how his music could have made it big time.
ā€œThank you,ā€ he murmurs, just about the sounds of the sea. He lets a closed mouth smile twist onto his face, but it feels like he doesnā€™t fully believe her. She wants to kiss his worry away, but again, she knows itā€™s not possible. His words from earlier rang in her head. It would make things weird. Yeah, youā€™re right. Ugh, why had she agreed. She didnā€™t agree, not at all, not anymore.
ā€œDid you have a favorite?ā€ He stands up straighter with his question.
She laughs slightly, ā€œI liked the second to last one a lot. It was hot.ā€
ā€œHot how?ā€ He steps closer, smirking.
She jumps up from her reclined seat, in indignation, ā€œOh come on, you know itā€™s hot. Now youā€™re just looking for me to stroke your ego! Itā€™s obviously about sex.ā€
ā€œAnd? Youā€™re the one whoā€™s saying itā€™s your favorite and blushing.ā€ He arches a brow at her, arms going to his hips and looking at her teasingly.
ā€œWell, youā€™re the one who was singing about sucking dick and dreaming of how someone rode you.ā€
ā€œIs that what itā€™s about?ā€ His voice raises as he purses his lips and raises both of his brows.
She realizes just how worked up heā€™s gotten her in such a short amount of time. She huffs and turns away from him with a flick of her hand. ā€œYouā€™re infuriating.ā€ Is all she can say. She looks out at the waves now, ignoring Harry even though heā€™s less than a foot away.
Heā€™s laughing behind her for a little. Then when she doesnā€™t turn around, he quiets and sheā€™s not quite sure where heā€™s gone. Then his breath fans over her neck and right shoulder, where her jacket hasnā€™t managed to cover her. Itā€™s warm and a little minty as the scent travels over the salty sea air. She doesnā€™t turn or move a muscle for that matter.
A hand reaches out to her shoulder, but still she makes no move to turn. It rests there for a minute and she simply huffs again, letting her shoulders rise and fall dramatically. A single laugh slips from Harryā€™s mouth.
ā€œCā€™mon diavola, donā€™t be like that. Sā€™all in good fun.ā€ His voice is low in her ear, sultry even. It reminds her of his voice in that song once he got into it. His voice sounds like sex in her ear and this time when she sighs itā€™s not because sheā€™s irritated with him. No, she wants him. The sigh has an undercurrent of that desire and she hopes Harry doesnā€™t understand that. But otherwise she stays quiet, letting him murmur into her ear with his hand on her shoulder and his chest pressed to her back now. The only witness of this exchange is the ocean before them.
His head leans closer and if she didnā€™t know any better it felt like he was about to press a kiss to her neck. Instead all she feels is the brush of his mustache, it tickles the shell of her ear and she canā€™t keep in the giggle. She twists away from the sensation and Harry is grinning at her when she faces him.
His hand still on her shoulder and his body still pressed close to hers. Heā€™s so warm and so close and so shiny new in her eyes, even if he still manages to irritate her. Her eyes flicker up to his as their laughter quiets down. She realizes her own hands have gone to his waist to steady herself and she follows his feet as he backs them up from the edge of the boat that she had brought them too.
Itā€™s quiet again. Theyā€™re staring at each other intently. Her eyes are swirling with emotion because she just wants to know whatā€™s going on in the brain of the man before her. She wants to know everything about him, but she knows thatā€™s not how he feels about her. Sure, theyā€™re friends now, but nothing else.
Why did she have to come on this stupid boat and find his stupid amazing music? Why did he have such a stupid amazing face?
These questions and other silly things were racing around her head as she gripped his waist. He didnā€™t mind her quietness, he found her gaze to be a little unnerving, but he was just glad he had made her laugh. He found that he didnā€™t enjoy her anger at him as much anymore.
Just as he was about to start another conversation, there was a cloud that drifted over the shining sun. It was her original fear come to life. Harryā€™s brows furrowed as he looked up at the clouds. They were turning grey. Fast.
ā€œShit, shit, shit,ā€ He began mumbling and released his hand from her shoulder. He pulled away from her hold and began moving swiftly around the boat. He needed to get them off the water, there was a storm coming.
Her eyes went wide as she noticed the approaching storm as well. Her brows furrowed with worry as she watched Harry begin working on the boat, his only words being curses to himself at first.
Then he enlists her help, asking her to hold onto a specific part of the boat for him after he threw her a life vest and made her put it on. She wore it with great dissatisfaction. He only shrugged as he continued to move nimbly around the boat, turning them around, back to the dock. Ā 
The boat moved much swifter into the shore than it had on their way out. The waves were growing choppier by the minute and she would admit she was more than a little scared. Thankfully, Harry knew what he was doing and got them there quickly and safely. Once at the dock, he tied them there and then helped her off the boat. She stood on the dock uncomfortably as the rain started to come down.
ā€œGive me your lifevest!ā€ He gestures from the boat.
She quickly takes it off and flinches when the first bout of thunder sounds from far off. He takes it from her and throws it haphazardly down the hatch along with his own before jumping off the boat himself. He surveys the boat from the dock to make sure he hasnā€™t forgotten anything. Then he looks at her. Sheā€™s wrapped her arms around herself and is ducking her head, looking like sheā€™s attempting to ward off rain but failing miserably.
She looks up at him and he offers a soft smile of reassurance.
ā€œTake my hand!ā€ He shouts slightly over the growing sound of rain and thunder. He wants to get them out of the rain, but heā€™s also apprehensive to leave his boat to the mercy of the weather. Still, thatā€™s all he can do.
She puts her hand in his and his fingers weave with hers. Then, theyā€™re off racing back to their street in the little border town.
-
ā€œI should go back to my place!ā€
ā€œDonā€™t be silly! France is much too far for you to go in this weather!ā€
She laughs and grips his hand tighter as he fumbles for his key. His wet hand slipping as the rain droplets soak their clothes and skin. Even though her door is a mere few feet away she allows Harry to pull her into his shop. The warmth and dryness appreciated after running a few blocks in the now torrential downpour. There werenā€™t storms often in the little border town, but like the old adage said ā€˜when it rained, it pouredā€™ quite literally. The less she had to travel in the rain the happier she was, even if it was three measly feet.
It also occurred to her that sheā€™d be able to sit out her first storm with someone by her side. And she would admit that didnā€™t sound like the worst thing in the world. She wasnā€™t necessarily a fan of storms and being in a new place with a storm sheā€™d never weathered before was daunting. Harry inviting her in was a blessing. She didnā€™t have to be asked twice.
Once inside the little shop, their wet frames begin to form puddles beneath themselves. Harry sighs and takes off up his rickety stairs. She looks after him in confusion but stays put when he calls a quick ā€œWait there!ā€
She shakes a bit of the rain from her and shivers as she listens for Harryā€™s movements barely audible above the crashing of the rain water. When he returns, her breath catches in her throat, like she just choked on something, yet thereā€™s nothing.
As he walks down the steps, far slower now, his wet hair shakes out around his head forming some ethereal halo. The light from upstairs illuminates him and the darkness outside casts an ominous darkness as he descends.
ā€œUn angeā€¦ā€ She whispers after finally catching her breath.
If he hears her, it doesnā€™t matter. Heā€™s already beginning to smile widely just from seeing Y/N before him.
He skips the last step and crosses to her swiftly. ā€œLetā€™s get you dried a little more,ā€ he begins to dote. A matching smile spreads on Y/Nā€™s face out of appreciation. She still canā€™t manage to fend off the shivering and Harryā€™s smile falters. His hands leave the towel and trace her exposed skin. Her cheek feels like ice, only slightly warming under his touch.
ā€œYou need dry clothes,ā€ he mumbles.
Her eyes widen as she looks up at him. Heā€™s so close and so attentive and she wants to ask him to kiss her because theyā€™ve been going back and forth all day, but heā€™s right sheā€™s freezing. His eyes are so intense though she canā€™t even maintain eye contact. Instead her gaze flits up to the droplet beginning to swell down one of his rogue strands of hair that flopped over his forehead moments ago.
She doesnā€™t respond as she watches and Harry begins to worry more. Her eyes seemingly unfocused, her shivering, and her silence. He thumbs over the apple of her cheekbone and finally breaks her reverie. The droplet splashing between them without her as its audience.
ā€œCā€™mon,ā€ he tugs her hand now to bring her upstairs.
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seravph Ā· 4 years ago
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feel free to not answer this but what does camp actually mean šŸ˜­
(edit: hello this ended up being much longer than I anticipated because you happened to ask this to someone who is very interested in fashion sorry lol)
eeee I think youā€™re asking this bc i rbed that post by madejsbian? In that case, camp is NOT a derogatory term, itā€™s just a concept, and the phrase itself and concept as we know it today really became popular and was influenced by the LGBT scene of the 60s-90s especially in big cities and by LGBT POC. the term got more popular online in the past 2 years because of the 2019 met gala, the theme literally being camp: notes on fashion. It was based off the essay of the same name by Susan Sontag.
Vogue defines it, based off of Sontags writing, as not taking yourself too seriously, pushing boundaries for the sake of decadence and playfulness (as opposed to punk, for example, which is about pushing social boundaries for the sake of political commentary). Itā€™s a bit more complicated than that, because imo camp, while playful in nature, has also become a symbol of counterculture and pride in ones self identity, which can be political. Iā€™ll also say that camp is intentional, and that campiness is a choice; that is to say, I wouldnā€™t call it ā€˜lazyā€™ - but i digress, at its heart, camp is ultimately about 1) having fun and 2) being kind of weird. It is absolutely not about being trendy or wearing necessarily ā€˜flatteringā€™ clothing. Sontag emphasizes exaggeration and ā€œa less intellectual approach to art.ā€
TL;DR: One of the most straightforward and quick definitions off the top of my head comes from cole sprouse weirdly enough??? I donā€™t care about Cole sprouse and I never will, but when he was asked to define camp as a concept at the met gala he said ā€œThe narrative of camp is itā€™s very rooted in cheesiness and an over-the-top quality,ā€ and ā€œitā€™s like an inside joke in that the people who get it, get it, and the people who donā€™t, dont,ā€ which is a pretty simple but accurate description of camp, which is why camp can look like so many different things for so many different people.
If you want examples thereā€™s the MET exhibit from 2019 showcasing historical and artistic examples + celebrity outfits at the gala (my favorites are ezra Miller and Billy porter!)
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wetalkedaboutthisshinji Ā· 3 years ago
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More Jojolion Long ass texts
TOTAL SPOLERS TO THE LAST CHAPTER
I just have lots of thoughts about recent Jojolion revelations.
It took me a while but I think IĀ“m finally at peace with the fact that the Calamity Arc was 90% sure the climactic Jojolion arc and that Tooru is Part 8Ā“s entrance to the Jojo Big Bad Gallery TM, a supervillain group truly on the level of the Disney Villains. IĀ“m only half joking lol.
It hurts bc I was (and still am) a strong believer on Big Bad Kaato. I LOVED the idea of a female Big Bad, especially one that gray and I was very curious about seeing her stand in a Stand Battle.I love evil ladies and that blinded meĀ  I donĀ“t even think Araki chickened out or anything, but that Big Bad Kaato clearly was never the idea for the story he had. Still, KaatoĀ“s scenes, while too short, were damm cool, and Space TruckinĀ“is a damm cool stand, but I still wish we had seen it more. I wonder if it could be used offensively? It at least can trap people from a distance, which is very useful. Im so angry bc its power was sooooo good for some JJBA weird moves, but alas.
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One thing I love about Jojolion is that it completely goes against the normal tropes of a shonen/seinen battle manga in that most of the characters are just....people. It really is a Twin Peaks TM plot with more fighting. With the exception of the Rock Humans and Jousuke most of the characters are, like, some guy from town, at worst kinda shady and mean. We have housewives, a model, a divorcee, local businessowners, some doctors and an oddly viscious agriculture university student. Of couse Part 4, which Jojolion mirrors, had some of that, but IMO you really get more of a sense of normalcy on Jojolion, maybe bc Araki changed his way of writing a lot, maybe because Jojolion is more of an ensemble story, maybe because itĀ“s less episodic. So you take these randos and give them superpowers and involve them in fights against supernatural beings and I think thatĀ“s part of the reason why the fights are so quick and to the point. Characters like Mitsuba or Kaato are really just normal people that happen to have stands so it makes sense for them not to do the whole strategic Stand Battle. And it bought us some awesome moments. Looking back maybe there were a bit too manyĀ ā€œthis character looked helpless but NOā€ but damm if it didnĀ“t hype me up when reading it.
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So, yeah, Kaato had her role, did her thing, and got Keiā€™d. And she was never evil, but rather, like Jobin, more morally gray and she died a martyr. And I wish both had more to do, but the part is long and Araki clearly wanted it to be a 3-way conflict with a clearer villain.....
evil twink Tooru.
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Ngl I was at first really against Tooru and wanted him to be just a big antagonist and not THE big bad. After I calmed down and reread some past chapters I feel much more appreciative. I like how he really has a different dynamic, being a "mistery villain" but in a different way to Pucci or Diavolo. He really looks harmless and Araki clearly worked HARD with the misdirections. Theres a reason there were some fools (like me) still arguing against him being tbe antagonist. I checked his intro again back on the Doctor Wu fight and I really like how totally whatever the scene is the first time around. He absolutely could have been a minor character. Rereading it the whole thing is SO ominous AND everything Tooru says has a double meaning. I also like that his oddness can be chalked up to being a romantic rival to Jousuke, which threw off lots of folk (likeAs for WOU I'm also starting to like the fight more and more. The power over causality def is on the same level as power over time or space and I like how the characters are forced to think of loopholes and try out different ways to hurt him, playing with his "kill list" and such. I also like that WOU has limitations and that the Dr. and Tooru have to work with them to be deadlier, which makes them both so much smarter. I KINDA dislike how at the end he turned out to be so stupidly poweful that only Go Beyond can hurt him, which is not the worst Deus Ex Machina (Jousuke had to "figure" out his own stand --thats kinda symbolic for someone with duch a complex identity) but its a bit cheap for a 20+ fight.
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Of course the real insanity is how unique of a stand WOU is. I dont think we had ever seen a stand this autonomous and smart? In my opinion thats what makes the fight so unique and Tooru so powerful. Its only balanced stat-wise in that neither Tooru or his stand buddy looks particularly powerful offensive or defensive wise in a conventional fight. Not that they needed it. Cant help but wonder how the hell could they add Tooru as a fighter if theres another JJBA fighting game. Maybe a double fighter?
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Finally you gotta love the Magritte (hope im spelling it right) references with the doctor. Araki clearly was having fun and it added some "classic art" thing to the part. Kaato's attack and all of calamity also looked great, if we ever see Jojolion animated Im sure it will be a feast for the eyes.
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Ofc maybe all this bs means nothing if Araki does pull a 180Ā° next chapter. But thats the Jojo experience.
If anyoneĀ“s interested in this, how do you feel Tooru and WOU stack up against the other Jojo Big Bads?
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kachinnate Ā· 4 years ago
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,,,,okay i know i just said i wasnā€™t going to talk about the deh movie but actually yeah imma talk about it for just a sec bc yā€™all actually make me legitimately distressed sajkfndsmjkgds
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQ_A0H1otcĀ i dont have the braincells to do a shot by shot analysis right now but hereā€™s what weā€™re lookin at
under a readmore because ghhhhhhh
firstly, let me lead with this: yes, from what we know, thereā€™s a lot of things wrong with this movie.Ā 
the worst, in my humble opinion, being the bts treatment of the (very few) actors of color, and the lack altogether of any production team members of color. thatā€™s something that should be acknowledged, talked about, and fucking dug into especially at the current fucking period of time weā€™re living in. itā€™s unsurprising, but disgusting nonetheless, and it set this movie up for failure from the very beginning. iā€™m a white person so by no means so i feel inclined or like i have any authority in saying what one should feel wrt all of that, however i will say if thereā€™s to be a boycott in not watching this movie, that should 100% be the reason why. itā€™s fully pocā€™s choice whether or not to forgive the production team or give this movie a chance for the irredeemable shit it did in regards to handling the movieā€™s production. the movie imo definitely doesnā€™t deserve their forgiveness, but again, that is not for me to say.Ā 
thereā€™s some little things too that i canā€™t fully think of off the top of my head - like, the whole making larry connorā€™s stepdad thing fucking irks me, for example, but, like...... listen.
if you know me like at all, you know my favorite word is nuance.
so, iā€™m going to say it outright: the way you people are approaching this three minute trailer shows literally.... none?? no nuance ??? is it no-nuance november over here or ???? like iā€™m begging you iā€™m BEGGING YOU to put aside your pre-determined prejudices against this movie and like stop pretending to be a renowned film critic for ten seconds because itā€™s really not as outright fucking abysmal as you are saying!! and also itā€™s possible to have opinions that arenā€™t completely fucking polarized to one side because guess what, the deh movie? a piece of media! what is the shit yā€™all are constantly preaching about having the ability to consume media critically ? because youā€™re trying to cancel a fucking trailer based on the contents of the trailer alone !!!!! hello !!!!!!!!
media is bound to be problematic. if yā€™all were as quick to judge any movie as you did this one, guess what you wouldnā€™t be watching any movies like ever <3Ā 
anyway lets get into the parts that are probably going to get me cancelled lmaoĀ 
ben platt - listen. LISTEN. listen i know heā€™s too old to be reprising evan we ALL know heā€™s too old to be reprising evan iā€™ve heard this same argument since the announcement was made we get it we all know.Ā haha heā€™s a grandpa yes bestie ur so right ur so funny wow. i do agree that we shouldā€™ve maybe had a not-ben-platt evan moment but hereā€™s some things to keep in mind: the arguments ofĀ ā€œoooh ABF is right there !!!!!!ā€ 1. whoā€™s to say he was available? 2. the environment of a movie is so, SO much different than that of a musical -- as much as you wanna pretend you know everything from just a trailer, thereā€™s no way of knowing what scenes were added that mightā€™ve made the movie like.. idk possibly more intense story-wise not even COUNTING the fact that just inherently a movie set is different than a musical one? like yes ben platt might be just being used as a device but thatā€™s probably not the sole and only reason. Also, if i see One (1) more comment about his FUCKING HAIR šŸ˜ƒ first of all itā€™s not that deep like... if youā€™re so distracted by an actor having their hair different thatā€™s on you, but going as far as to call it bad or distracting or being like Vehemently a way about it?Ā yā€™all i know itā€™s most likely not your intention but that is literally just ben plattā€™s natural fuckin ETHNICALLY JEWISH hair sajknfgkjds!!!! iā€™m not the first to make this point, but like dsjnfkjdsg!??! yā€™all are being so mean about it and for WHAT? again, maybe not intentional, but it reads as like high key Very antisemetic and you should.... maybe not šŸ˜³ be that way
connor. the thing about a trailer is that they donā€™t show you all the scenes because they want you to come see the movie. right? can we agree on that? all the connor scenes in the trailer had SEVERAL hard cuts, omitting a lot of the scene -- like the computer lab scene! we see the beginning of it, thereā€™s a VERY obvious hard cut, and then heā€™s running out! in my opinion my first watch through of this trailer i had a very likeĀ ā€œ:// hmm all these actors feel a lil like dryā€, but man oh man the comments ive seen about connor. holy shit guys. this boy gets 7 minutes of stage time in the actual musical, and the whole thing is we DONā€™T KNOW VERY MUCH ABOUT HIM. not to burst your bubble, and i by no means hate connor, i love me some good connor lives fics and stuff, but everything we write with connor being alive? that is !! speculation on our part !!!! those are headcanons and us using the little context we have!! connor doesnā€™t have any significant development IN THE SOURCE MATERIAL that is being adapted into a movie !!! you 1. canā€™t fully judge a character with already limited screentime in a 3 minute trailer, 2. canā€™t really call what connor has canonically in the musical as in depth character development !! what is his arc then !!!! he pushes evan, goes to the computer lab, has an outcast loner kid moment, gets upset, takes the letter, DIES. sorry stans, thatā€™s just how it is !! and, AND, everything in between, all the idiosyncracies, that depends on the actor playing connor! speaking of, you know who the actor is playing connor in the movie? thatā€™s right, colton ryan!Ā so, i donā€™t know, maybe... have some trust in the process, in an actor who ALREADY has played connor on broadway???? and also trust that you will get more connor content then u are seeing from a 3 minute trailer!!Ā dhgnijsdg and some of the comments on like his appearance specifically? like are you really made that he doesnā€™t have long hair?? they kept his nails and his rings but nahhh the hair was apparently a MUST HAVE (even though like.. not all connor actors on broadway always had/have long hair but w/e)..Ā REGARDLESS. tldr on THATĀ ,Ā the movie would have to do a pretty shitty job if they want to take something from someone who doesnā€™t have much to begin with and i think yā€™all are being extremely harsh on this pointĀ 
jared. honestly iā€™m a bit worried too about the like... name change, because it does have the potential to be taking out some representation, but... they did change the name to fit the actorā€™s ethnicity? itā€™s a really [hmm] topic because, again, from a trailer and from what we have been told we donā€™t KNOW a lot of the context, but i think itā€™s important to remember that uh.. jewish people arenā€™t just? always white ?? thereā€™s a possibility they changed the last name to fit with the [ethnicity] while keeping him jewish?? ofc thereā€™s the possibility that they Didnā€™t and ... again hm thatā€™s its own thing altogether but just reiterates the point that you canā€™t knock a whole movie just based on the trailer. you canā€™t talk about things you know nothing about.Ā 
alana. same thing as before, you canā€™t.... completely bash a character based on a 3 minute trailer. there was discussion about how she seemedĀ ā€˜shyā€™ when talking to evan, which like.. maybe she is but also that scene was them talking in a library like if u actually take notice of whatā€™s happening in the scene jdskngsd though i do share the general consensus with many others that she wonā€™t get a lot of screen-time but thatā€™s neither here nor there šŸ˜” moving on
scenes and the setting. one of the things i was most like.. tentative about in regards to a switch from a musical to a movie was how they were like... going to do certain scenes? naturally, a lot has to be different when weā€™re going from a minimal stage set to an entire movie with like.. settings. there are going to be new scenes because a movie lends to have like, physical places that arenā€™t just [evanā€™s bedroom] and [murphy kitchen] and [implied school]. so new scenes, new conversations, slightly different pacing.. this is all to be expected right like are yā€™all geneuinely surprised here or ........
thereā€™s a lot we arenā€™t seeing yet because this is a TRAILER. again i already mentioned this re: connor but like... again, yā€™all are making some Claims that just... fucking outlandish. there are so many moments in the trailer that are very obvious Hard Cuts. you donā€™t have all the information yet. you are angry at a tiny fragment of something that is confusing you because you donā€™t have all the context. is there a chance that some of this shit is just genuinely Bad? yeah but you really cannot 100000% say it with your chest and gauge it without seeing the movie and understanding what that scene is in context. lowkey uhhh saw some jokes about the zoe scene in the car and :ā€™))) ? jesus? christ????
concluding thoughts because my brain hurts but like. you donā€™t have to like the movie. you donā€™t have to WATCH the movie. like all media if you choose to consume the movie you should do so with some CRITICAL THOUGHT. but, just like the novel (and i do not want to have any discussions about that i donā€™t care if you think itā€™s good Or bad thatā€™s not what this is about) you guys are going in this WANTING to believe itā€™s bad and completely polarizing your thoughts on what this is going to be. yeah, maybe there shouldnā€™t be a movie. i genuinely think we couldā€™ve gone without. but itā€™s just a piece of media, itā€™s not a progression like all your (musical is good, novel is bad, MOVIE IS WORSE OH NO) posts are suggesting. they are all just. different pieces of media stemming from a source. at the end of the day itā€™s just a fucking movie. if you already hate it so much, guess what? you donā€™t have to watch it! you donā€™t have to put so much needless fucking hate into a 3 MINUTE TRAILER. you can stop being performative and dissing it for its poor treatment of POC while then going on to make fun of ben plattā€™s hair and just targeting a different group like! please !!!
iā€™m not trying to be a fuckinā€™ advocate for this movie because thereā€™s so much opportunity for it to suck, i do Not have high hopes for it, and iā€™m not even really sure i want to watch it (i bought the novel when it came out and have yet to read it, and iā€™m sure the movie will like.. elicit very similar vibes from me lsdngjkdsg like im just not uhhh feeling it) but yā€™know what? watching the trailer did not bring forth the fucking onslaught of hatred in me that apparently has fuckin posessed all of yā€™all and like djnsgjksdg plagued my dashboard for this whole evening. donā€™t come into my inbox trying to like.. argue with me about this (preemptively im turning off anon because i like i Canā€™t lmao) this is just like... a rant i needed to get out of me real quick.Ā 
SO. tldr for now: have critical thought about shit you consume, thereā€™s no ethical consumption under [the film industry], you canā€™t judge a movie entirely on its trailer, and yā€™all need to calm the fuck downĀ 
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spade-riddles Ā· 4 years ago
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"Adjusting Expectations" Post
This submission received a lot of responses and 120 notes, so I thought I would compile the comments here.
Anonymous said:
Adjusting expectations anon was so good. If their timetables are right and we do just need to be patient a little longer, can Kaylor please send us a sign? I guess it would be too loud to slip "adjusting expectations" into social media posts, but maybe they could both do something with playing cards? To show they are card sharks right now but they'll find their way home eventually? That would reassure people. And it would fly under the radar.
casuallycruel131313 said:
I agree with a lot of this but I think the main issue right now is that moral and ethical lines have been crossed and there's no coming back from that. In these post-Trumpian insurrectionist times it's unfathomable that they could continue the Kushner narrative I no longer care if or when they come out, I enjoy the music and I'm happy to observe from a distance because I'm interested from a PR/marketing point of view but my opinion of T &K as people has changed irrevocably and I don't see how they can clean the tarnish off.
@theprologues said:
Agree with most of not all if this but I would like to say as a Kaylor the toe Grammy stunt didnā€™t phase me. I was not crushed by that by any means. I just shrugged and honestly expected it. It was the attributing Betty and exile to him during the LPSS in November that bummed me out and really made me go...really?
rockcrow20 said:
Have to say I also agree with most of this.
I no longer have any expectations on anything changing any time soon and have not been surprised by the recent events its to be expected after everything over the years really
Nothing has really changed (bearding narrative wise) since I fell down the rabbit hole in 2017 (except that great night in nashville 2018 rep)
Honestly I can't say I am as invested anymore about them ever coming out as I was.
I think the wb/Joe thing was the last moment for me and the continual kushner connection just troubles me like many others.
I mean my kaylor motto for awhile now has been hope for the best but expect disappointment.
Low expectations = limited feelings of disappointment.
original-cypher said:
@rockcrow20 the WB was a breaking point for so many. You are absolutely right. There are just so ma'y contradictions that feel like absolute whiplash. (I know I seem to have been the only one experiencing that with Gorgeous but... that was a big one for me, too) But like. You go on a whole PR campaign about speaking up and standing up for yourself. You say you're capable and tired of men trying to take ownership of your success and profit off of your name. And you credit you literal damn work to a bloke? Bitch, 'consistency'? Look it up. It grossed me out. It would have felt iffy if I believed they were real. But since I wasn't born yesterday it just sent me the message "this is how far I'm willing to sacrifice my principles to not be queer".
rockcrow20 said:
@original-cypher exactly why it bothered me and I know alot us so much. Such mixed messaging of being a strong fighting for your rights female and then oh hey let me attribute some of my best work to my pr boyfriend and the pr pics where she is walking behind all the time like šŸ™„ The Betty thing that was big one for me too!
rainbowdaisy13 said:
This write up and the comments are spot on. I donā€™t have much to add other than like @original-cypher said, Miss Americana is tainted for me now and seems like at the very least, it was released too soon in the plan. I get we think they have had to pivot but man, that doc, and including her literally saying ā€œgay rights make me meā€ at the end was such a false flag. To see her wax poetic about not taking shit from men anymore and then see her do the same old hetero weak woman song and dance routine with the WB shit for albums that are of her genius mind has been so disappointing. I still believe Kaylor is real and I hope they get a chance to show the world that. Karlie posting that cardigan pic in the woods before the folklore release cemented for me they are still together. Adding a baby makes me feel all kind of weird ethical things but I hope I live long enough to see it play out and wear my I Told You So shirt šŸ˜
@kellykaylor said:
agree with your post... I dont care about toe stunts but what really pissed me of was hetwashing betty šŸ¤®! beautiful post tho anon!!
roameroo said:
Totally agree with these all comments especially the strong messaging of MA only to turn around & pull that WB = my "bf" crap. I was disheartened by her mentioning him at the Grammy's only bc he's getting credit for sh*t he doesn't/didn't do. That is what irks me the most about this, giving him credit for her life's work.
always-the-last-word said:
Can I throw my pennies in the pool ?? Taylor will put out the big three first Fearless, RED then 1989 that should bring us to about August. This is where the excitement should begin. If Taylor preps and waits for National Coming Out day it's a no lose for her. Lover her money making machine will go through the roof !! If things go bad or good in the public eye she'll have REPUTATION Taylor's Version ready to release. It will be epic and she'll own it and be FREE.
@karlie-what-you-want said:
always-the-last-word I like this take a lot! I try not to be too optimistic but if she wanted to come out sooner rather than later, I think this plan would satisfy both business and PR needs (at least on Taylorā€™s end). Remains to be seen how Tay will help Karlie dig her way out of the mess they made together regarding the K*shners.
always-the-last-word said:
Always remember that Taylor has a PLAN. Some of her plans are year's old (easter eggs). Taylor's one and only LOVE is her music, everything else comes second. If KK wants to change and be with her full time she'll make moves around the same time frame. That's if she chooses to. In any event Tay will be open and own all her music. I've seen this film before and WE might not like the ending.
chosetherose said:
Iā€™ve been going back and forth for a day trying to figure out what I wanted to say when I reblogged this post. Iā€™m tired. Iā€™m frustrated. I understand Iā€™m owed nothing by Taylor or Karlie. I understand that circumstances out of their control have caused the girls to pivot over and over again.
But, the root of my frustration in the past months stems not from me battling with the trivial (e.g. pap walks, etc.) but with my personal principles. I fiercely believe credit should be given where it is earned and I uphold this in my career regularly. To see Taylor crediting Toe with her art was deeply disappointing. Watch the 1989 and folklore acceptance speeches back to back and tell me it doesnā€™t upset you. I believe the K******s have blood on their hands and that their actions during the pandemic have killed people. To see Karlie still associating with one of them disgusts me.
I canā€™t help but think back in frustration - Would you really fall from grace to touch her face? (And in the brilliant words of @9w1ft) But would you die for her in public? I go back and forth feeling like questions like this arenā€™t fair at all and thinking they are sort of valid. At this point, it sort of feels like Taylor would only fall from grace for her lover if all the stars and facets of her life aligned perfectly. But perfection like this does not happen. Such is life. So why am I here?
I do question why Spade left certain messages in their final days. I am still holding hope a fervent revolution exonerates everyone. I so desperately want Taylor to regain control of her masters or re-records. Maybe this is the plan they thought was best with multiple goals in mind (re-records, having a family, coming out of the closet one day etc). Iā€™m trying to remain patient because Spade told us to trust her endless yearning. But WOW it is asking a lot of us at this point.
Anonymous said:
Despite being a pragmatist kaylor and oftentimes getting into arguments with fellow optimistic kaylors (owner of this blog included) I think it's quite unfair -at this point- to say to the optimists who have patiently sat through the worst kind of stunts with the most terrible kind of people (yes I'm talking about the Kushner's friend group too) that they should have seen it coming. Besides, if it weren't for the optimists we the cynicals would have burned this fandom down by now.
Anonymous said:
Even if we ignore that an insurrection happened partially because of the family karlie's still working for and getting paid from, she literally said before the pregnancy debacle unfolded that j*sh was her last client while talking about cutting hair and doing a cutting gesture. How should we have interpreted that? šŸ˜¤That a year later she would be more stuck with the Kushners than ever? We don't wake up on day and decide to have unrealistic expectations. She feeds into them. šŸ˜ 
Anonymous said:
I have no expectation of Taylor coming out anymore. Zero. None. I have no expectation of her dropping Toe or even of Kaylor publicly reuniting. It doesn't even matter that much anymore. But I - do - expect 1 thing. Karlie to drop and completely dissociate herself from the Kushners and this has nothing to do with kaylor. It was everything to do with me being unable to support a person who willfully assists (now using her baby too) and receives money from a family that has made so many suffer.
Anonymous said:
A quick word from an ex-kaylor (who will never become an anti). A year ago, when the Trumps were still in power and untouchable and there was no baby, I was excusing and turning a blind eye to many things Karlie did for the K*shners. Even that dinner in September. I had also made peace with the truth never being revealed. But a year later the Trumps are gone, Karlie is still on full stunting mode now with a baby in the mix, a baby that is already being used by the Kushners, and I've really run out of excuses. Now the only thing that could possibly keep me on board is if I knew there was a good chance that the full truth would come out, so that Karlie's inexplicable and honestly borderline immoral actions could eventually make sense. But as your sub said, this is an unrealistic expectation, thus I became an ex-kaylor and I'm not planning to come back even when they reunite. šŸ˜•
Anonymous said:
What baffles me is that Taylor has explicitly expressed her regret about not giving her lover the credit she deserves and her doubt whether fame is worth hiding her true love: "when I walked up to the podium, I think I forgot to say your name", "what's a lifetime of achievement, if I pushed you to the edge". But yet again she didn't do anything to change this. I didn't expect her to acknowledge Karlie, but a nod or at least not falsely crediting her beard would be a good start.
Anonymous said:
1šŸ™ Let me chime in re: "expectations". I'm one of the kaylors who ever since the pregnancy reveal was trying to tell everyone there's NO way she was gonna dump him soon after birth let alone before that. It would bring too much unnecessary attention and Jerk would have never agreed to something that would make him look like a bad guy/husband. For the exact same reasons, I was also saying there's no way he wasn't going to post about the baby. All the above against the popular opinion back then.
2šŸ™ So I agree that the day of the birth post was known to T, not the timing though. Simply bc Kushner-leaning outlets made sure to note that detail. If they wanted it to go unnoticed, why draw attention to it? That being said, kaylors would have been more patient with this mess, if Karlie hadn't gone overboard with her freedom "smoke signals" last summer and Tay's "insiders" hadn't been insinuating that the end is VERY near. Both of them SHOULD have known by then how we would react to these.
3šŸ™ So it's natural that everyone feels played and has no patience for any more bullshit. Another sore point is how Jerk AND the Kushner-Trump klan monopolize the baby news. This isn't just to make it realistic, it's an abuse of Kaylor's baby's name to garner good pr for the worst family in America, with Karlie's blessing. In order for her marriage and split to appear realistic she's putting a LIFETIME burden on her child's back. Unless you believe she's eventually gonna say Jerk isn't the dad.
4šŸ™ So "weā€™re in a position we should realistically have been able to see coming". But we did see it coming, that why some made these extreme scenarios, bc this is the worst possible outcome. "Good people try to make it work, even in bad relationships." Ultimately this isn't just a "bad rs". It's a horrific association that should have been resolved ages ago, not one to bring your child into, doom it to suffer a similar fate, and expect people to sit idly and watch. That's what frustrates most.
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