#bc right now our summer plan goes:

[eveningsandcoffeespoons]

omg O got us Brandi Carlile tickets 

we’re gonna die of excitement 

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[bigbuffjoonie]

SEOKJIN PLEASE LMAO

I ran out of tag space I’m so sorry in advance but I just wanted to say I love that their names are Dark Hobi and Evil Yoongi lmao bc that also means in canon either they call themselves that or the heroes call them that and either way is so funny to me 😂

Versus | MYG, JHS - Chapter Two

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader x Hoseok

Genre: smut, fluff, angst, crack, enemies to lovers, Villains!AU

Rating: M (18+)

Warnings: weapons - daggers & laser gauntlets, swearing, mentions of blood, fighting (superhero workout-style), masturbation (m), allusion to shower sex

Word Count: 2.7k

Disclaimer: NSFW, obviously I don’t own BTS - they just inspire me

Summary: Supervillain exes Yoongi and Hoseok are sick and tired of having their plans for world domination wrecked by you, aka Vitality, the world’s most powerful superhero. When fellow villain Jimin suggests a little competition to see who can bring you to your knees, they both eagerly accept. Now the battle is on as both men engage you in fight after fight to see who will conquer you first. Will you finally defeat these two, or will they destroy you - and possibly take each other out in the process?

A/N: The challenge has been accepted, now it's time to establish the rules! And introduce a few other key players. Also, uh, gird yourselves, here comes the angst. Just a little!

Unbeta’d as usual. I’d love to know what you think - my inbox is always open! 💕

Chapter One ✨ Series Masterlist ✨ Chapter Three

CHAPTER TWO - THE RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

Hobi stalks angrily through his lair. Struts, actually. Not intentionally. It’s just how he walks, like the world’s his runway. Helps that he’s usually dressed to kill, both literally and figuratively. 

At the moment, he’s striding towards his weapons room wearing a stunning embroidered Louis Vuitton suit that has all of his henchmen doing double takes, and not just because of the splattered blood staining the luxe threads.

The life of a henchman is hard, as one constantly risks bodily injury time and time again for one’s leader, but working for someone who looks like that helps to soften the blows a bit. 

Hobi glares into the retinal scanner outside the weapons depot and the doors slide open as it recognizes his chestnut orbs. It also recognizes his glare. 

“Rough day, daddy?” a robotic voice purrs overhead. 

“Yes, Jin, today was shit,” Hobi declares as he returns his laser gauntlets to their place in his vast arsenal. “And I thought I told you not to call me that?”

“Sorry, sir,” the integrated A.I. system replies. Hobi rolls his eyes in annoyance. Perhaps it was a mistake giving the Synthetic Electronic Optimum Knowledge Jung Intelligence Network aka S.E.O.K.J.I.N. (Jin for short) sentience. The first thing it did upon rebooting was declare its undying devotion to Hobi. Which means an endless stream of ridiculous terms of endearment. Or pet names. Or worse.

Hobi’s starting to fear he’s going to grind his teeth into dust.

“Want to tell me all about it?” Jin inquires, automatically opening the vault door to Hobi’s inner sanctum.

“Not particularly.” He’d rather not rehash his day. It was painful enough living through it. 

Of course, Jin is undaunted. “Did the meeting at Jimin’s not go well?”

Hobi’s lithe fingers work the knot in his tie, loosening it until he’s able to tug the thin strip of fabric from his neck. “It was fine. Productive. We nailed down the rules of engagement for Jimin’s contest.” 

The terms of the challenge are concise and clear:

No outside help

No teaming up

The competition ends when Vitality draws her last breath. The man responsible wins.

The first rule is the most important. No outside help means neither can ask for assistance from any other villains, including Jimin, who must remain an impartial observer, as he so haughtily put it. The only exception is the allowance for both to continue to use Jimin’s power disrupters. 

Jimin originally decreed that the disrupters were banned, but swiftly reversed course and said they could use them since they already had them. The meeting then paused so Jungkook could apply some bandages to Jimin before he bled out all over his newly-cleaned rug.

As far as Hobi is concerned, rule two is completely unnecessary. Moving on. 

The final rule is mainly a technicality, making sure everyone understands the goal here. Once that annoying little superhero is gone, the victor will be declared. And to the victor go the spoils. Namely, a straight line to world domination, and the knowledge that they’re the superior villain, second to none. 

“That doesn’t sound very upsetting,” Jin muses. “Is it because Yoongi was there again?”

At the mention of his ex’s name, Hobi snarls. “No. I can handle seeing him.” He continues to strip, frowning at the sight of his ruined suit. Once he’s completely bare, he wanders through his bedroom to his en suite for a shower. 

“Then I guess I just don’t know what’s got you so mad, kitten.” 

Hobi presses a finger to the pinched spot between his dark brows, rubbing soothingly. The bathroom door opens. “I’m going to shower. If Jimin calls, tell him to expect a dry cleaning bill tomorrow.” 

He sighs wearily as the door closes behind him. There are no cameras in this room, so Jin is blind to what goes on in here. Not because Hobi is shy. Quite the opposite, actually. But he needs one room in the underground lair he calls home where he can go to be totally and completely alone.

Tucked away at the bottom of his vanity is a picture frame. He pulls it out, gently running his thumb over the photo inside. Bad idea. Too many conflicting emotions swirl through his already disquieted mind. He tilts the frame away and catches his reflection in the fingerprint-coated glass. The man gazing back at him struggles to maintain his cool demeanor. He turns away.

Warm water pours from the rainfall showerhead, filling the room with steam. Hobi stands directly underneath the stream, still adrift, until one particular feeling bubbles to the surface, and he strokes himself until he’s shuddering, his release washing away without a trace. When he exits the bathroom later, towel slung low over his hips, his expression is calm once again, betraying no sign of the maelstrom within.

THOCK

Taehyung strolls down the quiet hallway of the mansion. 

THOCK

He pauses outside the study, strands of his bright blue locks falling in his eyes as tips his head, listening. 

THOCK

With a grimace, he twists the doorknob. “Yoongi-hyung.” 

“Taehyung-ah,” Yoongi responds cordially, before flinging another dagger. 

THOCK

The blade lands directly in the middle of a face.

“Didn’t know you were back already.” 

Yoongi doesn’t reply as he saunters across the room. With a violent yank, he jerks the dagger out of the nose where it’s embedded, and grabs the other six that form a perfect circle around it, leaving only the one at the top that pins the portrait in place. 

“Meeting ended early,” he finally states. He removes his striped suit jacket, hanging it primly over the back of a chair before resuming his position several paces in front of the wall. “Jimin fell ill.” 

Taehyung notes the dried blood still clinging to one of the blade handles. “What did he want this time? Did he finally figure out the bug with the power disrupters?”

“Of course not. No, he wanted us to go over the rules for his stupid little competition.” 

THOCK

“And you didn’t like his suggestions?” Taehyung gestures to the dirty dagger. “Hence the blood?” 

Yoongi pauses mid-throw to inspect the handle of his blade. “Oh, we had a little disagreement, you could say. But Jimin eventually came around to our point of view, and I agreed to all of his terms. As did Hoseok.” 

THOCK

Ah, of course. Hoseok-hyung was there again. No wonder the wall was currently under attack by Yoongi’s blades. Taehyung tries to remember where he’d put the spackle after Yoongi’s last assault on the drywall.

THOCK

As another dagger whizzes by, within millimeters of Taehyung’s unconcerned face (he knows his hyung never misses), he tries not to think about what happened when Yoongi and Hoseok split. Taehyung had never seen Yoongi on a rampage like that before. So many blades. So much blood. As much as he adores his hyung, that’s a side of Yoongi he hopes to never see again. 

“So… what are the rules?”

“No outside help.” 

THOCK

“Even from me?” Taehyung pouts at the thought of not being allowed to help his hyung vanquish his enemy. His entire life is devoted to Yoongi, after hyung saved him. He gave Taehyung a purpose and something solid to cling to when the cruel winds of fate tried to tear him apart. 

In other words, Yoongi’s his rock. 

“No outside help from other supervillains. You’re not on the outside. You’re in my inner circle.” 

Taehyung beams proudly, boxy smile lighting up his handsome features.

“The other rules are simply formalities. No teaming up.” Yoongi laughs dryly. “As if that would fucking happen. I’d rather die than ask Hoseok for help, and I’m quite sure the feeling is mutual.” 

THOCK

“And the challenge is over once Vitality is dead.” 

“Okay. Those all make sense, to me.” Taehyung treads lightly. “So… just letting off some steam, then?” 

THOCK

“A little. But I’m also brainstorming. You know the blades help me think.”

Right. Taehyung remembers when Yoongi was preparing for the Tokyo maneuver. What a horribly stressful time that had been. Yoongi spent so many nights strategizing that Taehyung had ended up replacing an entire section of the wall. Spackle only goes so far. 

“Strategizing how you’ll take Vitality out?”  

“Yes. But I’m planning so much more than that.” He tosses a dagger straight above his head. Taehyung watches it flip a few times before Yoongi effortlessly plucks it out of the air, pinching it by the blade. The smile he flashes chills Taehyung to the bone. “I’m going to take them both out.” 

THOCK

The hilt quivers with the force of Yoongi’s throw, dagger buried once again dead center in Hoseok’s face.

“Harder!” A grunt falls from Namjoon’s panting mouth at your command. “Come on, Joon, give it to me!” 

“Can’t…don’t…wanna hurt you.” 

You scoff, rolling your eyes. “I’m not gonna break, Joon. Fucking stop holding back!”

Namjoon obeys, throwing his next punch with more oomph. Still, you easily dodge the blow, sliding beneath his outstretched arm and landing a jab to his gut. 

“Jesus, if you punch like this on your next mission, you’re never going to win! You gonna need me to come fight all your battles for you?”

Your goading works. The yellow haze surrounding Namjoon shimmers as he spins into a roundhouse kick. As his large foot connects with your torso, you let out a pained “OOF!” and fly across the mat, landing square on your back. All the wind in your lungs leaves your body in one loud whoosh. 

Namjoon hovers over you, hands on his knees as he catches his breath. “You okay?”

Weakly, you flash a thumbs up. 

“Okay, I think that’s enough sparring for today,” Namjoon clucks his tongue. 

“‘M fine. Just gonna… lay here… for a while.”  

Your teammate flops down next to you and rolls into his cool-down stretches. “I know what you’re doing, by the way.”

“Trying to breathe?”

“You know what I mean.” 

Of course Joon sees right through you. He’s your best friend on the team. The two of you have clicked since the day Doc brought you to the company. His hulking frame and frankly mind-boggling strength run counter to his sweet, quiet nature. A gentle giant if ever there was one. But he’s an astute motherfucker, much to your displeasure

“You don’t have to punish yourself for Dark Hobi and Evil Yoongi both escaping again. That’s not on you. Once we capture our targets and turn them over to the containment teams, it’s on them to keep them imprisoned.” 

Obviously, you know this. But it doesn’t do anything to calm the anger still roiling in your chest. How many times are you going to have to defeat those two before they’re captured for good? 

It’d be so much easier if you could just take them directly to The Hole, where all the villains found guilty of crimes against humanity are taken and locked away for eternity. But no. You know the rules - find the target, take them down, turn them over to containment. They’ll be brought to justice by the company’s tribunal, who judge whether a villain is fit to be rehabilitated and reenter society or sent to The Hole forever. 

Justice. What does that word mean, anyway? Why does the company get to decide their fates? You’re the one with the power. 

You know better than to mention these thoughts to Namjoon as he reaches for his toes, loosening his hamstrings. He’ll just recite the same annoying phrases again and again–we’re not above the system, we work for it. No one is meant to be judge, jury, and executioner all in one. It’s not right. 

Except… it sure seems like the company is all three. Why does it get to decide what’s right?

These questions are above your pay grade. Which, admittedly, is pretty high. 

“I’m not punishing myself,” you finally reply, grinning. “I just prefer to spar with someone worthy. No one else here can really give me a workout like you can. Being friends with the strongest man in the world has to have some sort of perks, you know?” 

“Besides literally bench pressing you?” He winks. “Like the other night?”

You stare off into the distance. “Ah, yes, that was a magical evening. The day I discovered I have a size kink. You really made my head go brrrr, you know that?” 

Namjoon frowns. “Sometimes I think we speak two different languages.” 

“Whatever. Help me stretch my thighs, will you? They’ve felt really tight since we got off the treadmills.” Lying on your back, you lift both knees to your chest. Namjoon nods, kneeling by your ass. He grabs one of your ankles and extends the leg, then presses your thigh into your torso. 

It’s a terribly intimate position, but neither of you flush, both deeply familiar with the other’s body by now. It’s hard as fuck to date as a superhero. Practically impossible, really, with the crazy schedules and the always lurking paparazzi, not to mention the groupies–the cape clingers, as the company calls them. So the two of you have an arrangement. Purely physical. 

“I heard the search for Hobi’s lair isn’t going well,” Namjoon murmurs, his thick fingers digging into your flesh as he switches legs. He is unfortunately correct, which you already know without hearing whatever gossip he’s about to drop. “Doc said the presentation to the shareholders last month kinda skirted around the scout’s report.” 

Over the years, Dark Hobi has completely managed to elude your company’s ability to locate his base of operations, despite the fact that you’re pretty sure his weapons cache alone must be the size of Texas. Whatever he is using for security is clearly more sophisticated than anything the company has, a fact that absolutely drives the CEO mad. He wants to be the one with the best toys. 

“I’m telling you, he’s got an underwater base. It’s the only thing that makes sense,” you mutter back, making a face at Hyunjin when he walks by and whistles suggestively at the two of you. “Oh, fuck off, Jinnie, you know you wish you were the cream filling in this delicious whoopie pie right now.” 

Hyunjin just laughs, but Namjoon rolls his eyes. ”Whoopie pie?”

“I don’t know, I’m hungry.”  

Namjoon releases your legs and begins to stretch his own. “Anyway… he said the meeting was pretty cut and dry, the usual facts and figures, not much new. Oh, I guess there was some sort of weird Geiger spike the other night out in Busan but when the teams combed the area it came from, they didn’t find anything.”

“Busan? Who do we suspect is in Busan these days?”

“No one new that we know of. Just Jimin.” He snorts and you both begin to cackle. 

“Fuck, could you imagine if that guy got his hands on nuclear weapons? Probably blow himself up immediately.” As far as villains went, Jimin aka Mr. Machiavelli is less of a threat to mankind than Dark Hobi or Evil Yoongi than he is to himself. And he isn’t some sort of amazing tactician who keeps slipping through your fingers–no, you’ve defeated him plenty of times. The only reason he isn’t currently in containment is because he has an uncanny knack for charming the guards into letting him go. 

With a yawn, Namjoon stands, offering you his hand. “Probably. Come on, I need a shower.” 

”And that requires me?”

“Yes. You blew off your steam, now I gotta blow off mine.” 

Namjoon tugs you into the communal changing area where your other teammates are milling about and you giggle as he helps you shuck your gym clothes in front of an eye-rolling Hyunjin. “Stop gawking, Jinnie, haven’t you ever seen two people about to fuck before?”

Bang Chan runs into the shower area, blue aura blazing. “Vi, we just got word that Dark Hobi’s been spotted off the coast of Jeju Island. Doc wants you ready to mobilize in ten.” 

You sigh. Just another day’s work. “Ten minutes? Fine.” Taking Namjoon’s hand, you lead him into one of the shower stalls. “Come on, thunder thighs, show me what you can do in five.”

© 2022-23 by sunshinerainbowsbts/minisugakoobies. Crossposted to AO3. Please do not copy or repost.

Masterlist 💜 Find me on AO3 💜 

Taglist: @nch327; @dearbambideer; @sabrinareadsbts; @babycoffeefire; @parkdatjimin; @reliablemitten; @yuugehn; @ut-dixisti; @hesperantha; @bonvoyagenoona; @hobi-love; @bangtanintotheroom; @youcancallmemeimei; @bbl32; @neverthefirstchoice; @moonchild1; @blueversaillesdreams; @nabiolive; @akane82; @seokjinger-ale; ​​@taeshuworld; @hannahbee12719ficrecs; @7minsuga96; @dvalitaes; @wonieclub; @miscelunaaa; @jinpanman; @minttangerines; @vyduan; @herecomesjoon; @augustbutwinter; @thatlongspringnight; @lavienjin; @wwilloww; @xjoonchildx; @smasmashie; @acquiescence804; @itsirisz; @velvetskize; @bts-ruu; @aretha170; @justanotherstarlightmonger; @secretagent101

[naoristerling]

Beomgyu fanfic recomendation | Tumbrl ao3

moonstone (why didn't you tell me) - choi beomgyu

|11,4k @healingpage casamento de best

After a painful betrayal by her fiance and a backstab with her close friend, Y/n is heartbroken. When her best friend, Beomgyu, discovers her called-off wedding, he brings her to the land of Japan, believing that over the course of the four day trip, he can convince her to come home happy, or to at least move on from the guy. But his plan goes south when Y/n finds a note on his phone, about his actual feelings on her previous relationship.

i can't swim, idiot ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ choi beomgyu | 11,7k @beom-pyu bests fingem ser casados

choi beomgyu x fem!reader , tags: best friends to lovers au , beomgyu is annoying(ly cute) , fake dating? nah... fake married? bingo! , reader is so fed up with beomgyu how is he still alive , fluff , black cat x golden retriever dynamic ??? , hinted bisexual!beomgyu happy pride month , hinted pining , nsfw , some cliche moments bc who doesn't love a good cliche

the only exception | beomgyu x reader | 12k @byeomtori

love at first sight au, summer love thingy, lots of reference to paramore's the only exception and txt's our summer, pda

white dress | 3,8k @fairyyeo

Beomgyu encontra s/n e a chama pra sair depois do seu turno, motoqueiro

➵ sk8ter boi -> c.b | 4.5k @gyusrose

you never thought in a million years to be attracted to a boy like beomgyu. His baggy clothes, scrappy shoes, long hair just wasn’t a click with your elegant dresses, tight skirts, ballet dancer- self , but somehow he managed to steal your attention.

ditto / cbg | 3.5k @huenation

the day arrives where beomgyu, your angel, is leaving you, you realize you have nothing left to lose

FESTIVAL | 7.7k (I can't @ the author, but she is in the comments)

you thought this year's festival was going to be a bummer like last year's, until you found yourself stuck spending the three whole days of it with that pretty guitarist boy that caught your eye.

「 Camera Shy 」 | 14.4k @koqabear

“You’ve always tried to live an honest and responsible life; never spending money on anything ridiculous, scoffing at the things other people would be so willing to drop their paycheck on. But when life gets hard, you’re bound to give into your guilty pleasures, right?”

Hey Emo Boy! | 9.4k @koqabear

He worked at the Spencer’s store in the mall— you worked at the Claire’s store right in front. What can you say? Match made in heaven.

You Are My Queen Now | 194k @wildernessuntothemselves

Growing up as a child of a minor lord, you had it instilled in you since a young age that you needed to find yourself a rich and affluent husband that would not only provide a comfortable life for you, but would also help further your family’s position in the court. So it was of the utmost importance that you remain a virgin in order to land such a coveted husband. 

The problem lies when the man you secretly love, Prince Beomgyu, suddenly and unabashedly propositions you. 

Rare and Pure (cbg) | 21.5k @elix8r

“But to love something despite. To know the flaws and love them too. That is rare and pure and perfect.“

- Patrick Rothfuss

Choi Yeonjun was the love of your life, the one you were unequivocally sure the Moon Goddess had chosen for you. His younger brother, Beomgyu, on the other hand, didn't even register on your radar as mate material. But fate, as it often does, had other plans. One night was all it took for your entire life to flip around as you found yourself accidentally mated to your childhood friend. Now, you're left grappling with the emotional wreckage of it all as you are not only struggling to feel the unbreakable connection that mates are supposed to share with Beomgyu, but you're also dealing with the harsh reality that your dreams of forever with Yeonjun will never come to fruition. It's a bitter pill to swallow, and it's forcing you to reevaluate your very sense of self. Your wolf clearly had some serious explaining to do.

idle town | c.bg + the city that never sleeps | c.bg

| 40k @petrichor-han

it’s always been beomgyu and (y/n), (y/n) and beomgyu. the two of them against the world... well, against the mean old cashier at the local grocery store anyways. (y/n) has always dreamed of leaving her small town and travelling the world, but beomgyu has always been more than comfortable in the only home he’s ever known. when (y/n) gets the option to finally live her dream and live in a big city hours away from their hometown, beomgyu has to choose between loving her and letting go.

brand new, full throttle! | 5.2k @hwangyu

beomgyu finds out you're the perfect way to get under his stepfathers skin.

모기 / MOGI — [c.bg]. | 14k @hannie-dul-set

in which all of your life, you and beomgyu have been stuck together like glue whether you liked it or not. and as much as you want to change that, life seems to have different plans.

Series

「 PRETTY PRINCESS 」 part IX ─ 'do you trust me?' @beomiracles

taking a wrong turn in the 4th dimension Beomgyu finds himself two centuries behind his own with no way back, though meeting a pretty princess like you, does not seem so wrong.

to know him is to love him, and i do | 9,8k @niningtori

you love beomgyu more than anything. you just wish he loved you, too. or you finally break up with beomgyu and move on, but as for him? maybe he's starting to realize too little too late.

[thedreadvampy]

I've had something of a communication issue with several of my Southern European friends which is along the lines of. where the boundaries are between afternoon, evening and night. multiple people of my acquaintance - Czech, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, to name a few - have said "do you want to hang out on X night" and meant a sort of 4-6 PM start and 7-10ish finish, which, to me, in June, is an evening hang. A night hang would start at around 8 at the earliest, and probably be either until 2am or overnight.

now, with my "grew up in the countryside where buses stop running at 6pm" adolescence, I am perhaps more used to a hard barrier between "evening" (you will stay for dinner and maybe an hour or so afterwards then go home) and "night" (there is a solid chance you will be sleeping in the sofa because our plans won't wrap up until the wee small hours)

but it hadn't occurred to me that mostly this has come up specifically with European friends and maybe. night just means something else this far north.

cause to me the conceptual line between evening and night is, an evening is where the sun's getting low but it's not yet dark or full night, and a night implies that you're coming in the dusk and leaving in the dark or in the morning light. (afternoon encompasses everything from lunch to dinner)

and I think of northerliness as being about incredibly short days and long nights but the flip is that this time of year we have a shortness of night that never happens further south. Right now, it gets dark around 11pm and light around 2, and it never gets all the way dark (bc we're like a few degrees south of the Arctic Circle). so no wonder we have a more substantial cultural divide between evening and night. This time of year, the evening goes on for like 5 or 6 hours before it's properly night (and then it's dark for about an hour before it starts getting light again, but that's ok because the wee small hours 1-4AM are still night even if the sun's coming up)

I think I just forget how long summer evenings in the UK actually are compared to most of the world. It's something I don't take the time to be grateful for enough. that you can sit in the garden or in the park and have a drink and a chat until like 10pm in reasonable amounts of light. It's great. You will get bitten to bits by midges but that's the price we pay.

[jasontoddiefor]

Heyyyyy roses & champagne anon here! First your answer made me feral with all the juicy brain gremlins it spawned and then you wrote that little fic and I now I’m even more insane but like all I can picture is Leewon going “fuck this shit I’m out” at like age 11, running away, accidentally running into Caesar who’s already starting to get the feelings of “hippity hoppity I want you to be my property” weird little friendship starting to form.

And then years later Leewon in full on teenage rebellion bad decision making is like “what if I lost my virginity to this dude I sometimes hang out with that my dad can not stand? Wouldn’t that be fun?” and uh accidentally turns Caesar’s budding obsession with him over the years into full blown levels of “I am planning our wedding, it’s going to be in the summer because you get cold and then you will never ever leave me.” as Leewon is like damn the dirty talk in this fwb relationship hits hard

And then Leewon finally achieves his dream of fucking off back to Korea for college and does that without hesitation and then stays even longer for law school because he likes pretending he’s normal, he likes pretending his life is normal, (he’s a lawyer and his ass is lying, he could never truly be content with normalcy) and he only goes back because he wants to say a proper goodbye, after he graduates from law school

And uh proceeds to cheerfully greet the man whose heart he unintentionally shattered and now haunted like a ghost for seven years like nothing ever happened. Oops?

Also in regards for Vladimir I feel they got a weird resentment codependency going on there but also I can’t help but feel in a world that they grew up together they’d kind of be bickering gossiping friends at their core so it’s like “I hate the roles we have been forced into because one another, sometimes I think I even hate you, but you’re are still a core of my world and I don’t know how to exist without you because of this, anyway you will not believe with this one lady did at a party-“ kind of vibe going on. He’s pissed and hurt and resentful when Leewon goes back to Korea and he spends years soothing his and everyone else’s hurt and Leewon comes back and he’s angry for like 5 minutes before breaking and filling him on the latest gossip. Because I think they deserve to have a messy, complicated relationship that’s also overrun by the need to be a bitch and discuss drama because there is literally no other option in the mafia compound.

If you’ve got any more thoughts on this au I would love to hear them so badly!!

Anon you’re back!!!

Aaah thank you so much for your long ask, this absolutely made my evening (literally, I’m stuck in bed bc my back is killing me and am using my bluetooth keyboard to write this reply lying down hahaha)

Let’s start on the family side: time to reveal the fact that this AU also exists to like at least 30% because I wanted younger sibling Vladimir takes. That man already behaves like a spoiled younger brother in canon, he’d be terrible here. I do think their dynamic would be exactly as you said. Vladimir gets adopted to be Leewon’s companion, his right hand, raised to be loyal and trustworthy - his one and only friend after nearly a year of living in Russia. It fucks up their dynamic because they’re raised with clear expectations but at the same tie, the only way Leewon treats him is as a younger brother? Because that is the notion that makes the most sense to him at that age. When he realizes what Vladimir’s purpose is, he very much resents it? They have a bit of a falling out because to Vladimir, his older brother suddenly started distancing himself with no explanation as to why. And like, when he realizes the reason, he doesn’t really think it’s bad because he owns the Lomonosov his life anyway? Of course he’d die for his older brother. He loves him and that’s his job.

Anyway. Vladimir thinks Dimitri ain’t shit. He would never treat his boss like that and scheme. He’s built different (loyal like a most beloved dog). Leewon staying in Korea for his studies kind of helps Vladimir gain some perspective and insight into everything because nothing makes you reflect more than your codependent better half not being within reaching distance. But at the end of the day, he still doesn’t entirely mind. He stops pushing the boundary when Leewon enforces it (opposed to his behavior as a kid) but that’s about it. They are two very gossipy siblings.

To Leewon’s life!!! Anon I am !!! At how your ideas match mine. For the simpler things - Leewon absolutely puts his foot down about studying in Korea. It’s probably the biggest fight he and Mikhail ever have. I’m thinking maybe to the point it’s the first and only time Mikhail genuinely hurts Leewon in his anger? Like, Leewon has been hit before by his father, during training, but only seldom bc Mikhail frankly speaking has Issues and was not cut out for teaching his son violence himself. But yeah, they fight, there’s injury, and hmm. Not entirely sure if Leewon just stays in his room or moves to another property in the city until his flight to Korea, with Vladimir acting as an unwilling go between father and son because he ALSO thinks this is a shit idea, but if he says so then Leewon won’t talk to him anymore either (and then he wouldn’t talk to anyone, and it’s Vladimir’s job to advise his brother, but he’s supposed to be on his side even more.)

Anyway, Leewon leaves to study and I imagine he only comes home during the holidays which are incredibly tense the first year, but get better after. I don’t think Leewon quite has the concept of I could leave this life. He’s angry and frustrated, but not to the point where he can picture a life where he’s not the family heir? I think he mostly wants to run this business differently and that most of his frustration comes from his father raising him as this sheltered princess in the tower. His best friend is his little brother who his father adopted so he would have someone to talk to. That’s deeply fucked up, especially because he spent his first nine years just attending normal school and playing with the neighborhood kids. Even more, with his mother sick and dying early, Leewon at nine is fairly used to doing things independently, and now suddenly needing an adult to go with him everywhere, if he’s allowed out of the house at all, is horrible.

Now on to our hot mess, the red flag fuck himself.

I was also 200% thinking “oh yeah they absolutely fucked when Leewon was like 15”. To Caesar this is absolutely a game at that point, some matter of pride to get the enemy’s heir in his bed (or just. Beneath him. Imma be honest, I think Leewon ran away, got drunk at a bar and they fucked in a bathroom stall under dubious consent). Drunk teenagers with too much power and too many daddy issues. Leewon got “I’m doing sth that isn’t safe my father would freak about this” out of it.

Anyway, I do think Caesar would be amused at first, and then grow into his - as you put it so aptly it made me wheeze - “hippity hoppity I want you to be my property”. The 11 year old mouthing off against his kidnappers with little strength to back it up was entertaining (Caesar was honestly just there because it seemed easier to just let himself be taken to get to the guy whose head he needs to bash in than wait around) especially because he didn’t hold back. And then it’s a game, deflowering him, taking more and more pieces, not quite like collecting fountain pens or art, more the desire to consume entirely. Till death does them part, yes? Predictably, does not react well to Leewon’s “wow why is my bad decisions fuckbuddy so intense about me?” Behavior and being left out of Leewon’s plans.

My guy has just been assuming that them being fwb means they won’t try to constantly kill each other when they’re All Grown Up and in charge of their father’s businesses. I think this Leewon would very much enjoy the illusion of normalcy, matching Caesar’s freak in the way he reacts when it is interrupted. But I think that also means he’s rather peculiar about upholding the status quo to a degree.

Meanwhile Dimitri has been under the assumption Caesar has been running a long con trying to gobble up Lomonosov via making its heir his boytoy.

Well this got long but I hope you enjoyed my thoughts!!! Feel free to dm me any time, I’d love to hear more of your ideas!

[jonathanbyersphd]

Jancy Academic Rivals AU thoughts

Based on this post. I have spent all day thinking about it and here's what I have so far

1996 Maine

Robin is Nancy’s roommate 

Argyle is Jonathan’s roommate (I personally love the idea that Argyle is secretly rich)

Steve is also Jonathan & Argyle's roommate but he's never home so Jonathan goes like 3 weeks before ever seeing him in their dorm

Nancy’s best subjects are Chemistry, English, and Polisci-Debate

Jonathan’s best subjects are English, Polisci-Debate, Art, and Latin

Jonathan is from Hawkins and was friendish with Nancy but moved to Montauk, NY when he was like 7 so Nancy doesn’t remember him 

He remembers her bc of course he does 

Nancy is class president because she’s top of the class and is in charge of touring students around campus

Nancy begged her parents to send her here at the age of like 13 and she’s been there since

Jonathan is just now transferring in as a junior and a scholarship student

Jonathan applied because he wants to go to The National School of Photography in France or the Rhode Island School of Design 

While touring Jonathan Nancy makes an off comment about how that’s essentially a waste of an education and how she went to Paris over the summer

Jonathan is understandably annoyed because his assumptions that everyone at the school is going to be nothing but spoiled, pompous rich kids are proving true 

He’s also annoyed she does not remember him at all (but never brings up that they sort of know each other bc awkward)

So he asks in a snippy way what she plans to do and she tells him she's going to go to Oxford to study Journalism and he asks how that’s any better

They are very much giving pretentious and just another suburban girl in their initial introductions

Jonathan resolves to attempt to ignore her as much as possible which is very difficult because he has a crush (He may think she's ambitious and overly competitive but she's also gorgeous and wasn't mean about him being a scholarship student)

Anyways one night while looking for somewhere to smoke Jonathan & Argyle find Nancy, Robin, and Steve breaking into the school pool for a late-night swim/hang out (Picture s1 pool scene minus the murder and st*ncy scene)

And naturally, our intrepid little art hoe takes photos 

Nancy finds out and gets even madder at him because if anyone else found out she’d be in trouble and it could ruin her reputation

THEN as though all of that wasn’t enough Jonathan corrects Nancy’s Math error in class and she gets pissed 

Because she’s right she's always right (except this time)

And Jonathan teasingly offers to tutor her if she needs it 

Thus academic rivalry is born

Nancy is pissed because Jonathan’s Advanced Latin class counts as more credit. Jonathan is pissed because Nancy is so much better at Chemistry.

Nancy tries to transfer into Latin for the extra credit, and Jonathan tries to transfer out of Chemistry because he's better at Earth Sciences (Jonathan isn't successful and Nancy does transfer in but she's completely lost)

It gets to the point where the whole school knows that these two are just insane and trying to one-up each other 

Their polisci-debate class is just the two of them arguing over various issues (not that they necessarily disagree but they both approach issues with different viewpoints i.e. gender v class in s3) while the class watches

And the sexual tension is BAD which Nancy knows and hates because she’s mad enough he can challenge her academically but then he’s also hot??? (Robin is unrelenting until Nancy finally admits to thinking that Jonathan is hot but Nancy insists nothing is going to happen)

Jonathan is lowkey-highkey dying inside from the tension but he’s thriving in teasing Nancy over academics (Argyle thinks he's crazy over this and can't figure out why they won't just do hanky panky)

Argyle and Robin end up bonding and forming the “Jonathan & Nancy just make out already club” which they definitely treat like a skull and crossbones-ish secret society

Steve is also an unwilling member

This leads to Jonathan & Nancy having to hang out more outside of class because of their roommates 

This also leads to Nancy buying Jonathan a new lens for his camera ( I don’t think she’d get him a whole new camera) for his birthday (I HC his birthday as October 10th) and he feels guilty because it’s too nice of a gift 

So to "pay her back" he makes a mixtape for her (Purely platonic he assures Argyle. Can you believe she doesn't know The Cure?) (He def puts Just Like Heaven & Friday I'm in Love on it though)

And maybe on Halloween Nancy and Jonathan end up at a party in the woods behind the school and maybe he lets her borrow his sweater because she’s cold 

And maybe he walks her back to her dorm after this party because she’s been drinking a little (not like blacked out though) and there’s allegedly a bear in the woods (Jonathan might also be high and a little paranoid)

On the walk home, he finally reveals that they went to elementary together.

Plot Twist Nancy did remember him but she was still holding a grudge because he disappeared without saying goodbye

Jonathan then apologizes and makes a big deal about saying goodnight to her 

She returns his sweater a couple days later and everyone starts gossiping about why she had it and Nancy retreats after this 

But then it all comes to a head when their Polisci-Debate professor (Murray) assigns them to be partners on a research article (because he knows) 

One minute they’re whisper-arguing in the library and then Jonathan kisses her 

Nancy kisses him back 

They are hot and heavy making out in the stacks until the librarian catches them

They have to talk their way out of detention 

Then they go up to Nancy's room (because Robin is in Jonathan's with Steve & Argyle) and share a bed

They don’t tell anyone though (again Murray knows) because they don’t want to give them the satisfaction

They continue business as usual then one night over Thanksgiving break Robin, Argyle, and Steve catch them holding hands as they’re walking back from the woods and are like “busted”

Steve owes Robin money 

They still continue the academic rivalry part though because Jonathan knows Nancy likes the competition and he’s happy to indulge her 

They end up tying for the top of the class at the end of the semester effectively ending Nancy’s streak. 

I am attempting to write this as a full fic but I cannot write fanfic to save my life so if someone wants to take this plot bunny be my guest (just tag me when you're done)

[two-crabs]

Adventure for Amity, Kiss for Lemon, Friend for Maudlin!!!

<3<3<3 under the cut bc this got wordy lol

ADVENTURE: What was your OC’s first adventure? Is it something they’d call an adventure? How did they feel about it?

If you asked Amity what her first adventure was she would tell you about how when she was 15 she spent a month in Belgium with a Distant Aunt™ and had all sort of plans to have a hot Lizzie McGuire Movie summer until it turned out The Aunt lived in the middle of nowhere so she mostly spent it traipsing around the Belgian woods and looking at Belgian cows and sheep practicing her French EXCEPT for one day when The Aunt had a migraine Amity snuck out and caught a train to Ghent where she got rained on, lost an earring, had a really disappointing coffee, and then went back home. (What she's doing now is not an adventure. It's just Toronto.)

KISS: What was your OC’s first kiss like? Who was it with? Do they remember it?

(This is cheating you already know about Lemon's first kiss.)

"Well this buddy of mine...Varden and me...we were just shootin' the shit right? We was out in the woods, trekkin' out on our own for a minute, decide to take a breather one night. Killin' time. Drinkin' a little, smokin' a little more than a little...and uh...well it's safe to say that V was a little stressed at the time, bit tense, bit pent up. Nothin' a lungfull of the good old Lagamorpha leaf won't help. And well, all a'sudden he goes from leaning up against this big old tree we'd found...to leanin' up against me. Lookin' up at me like....well. Shit. If you'd been in my position, you'd've been hard-pressed not to kiss him. And the rest is history I s'pose."

FRIEND: Who was your OC’s first friend? How did they meet? What was their friendship like? Are they still friends now?

Maudlin didn't grow up with a lot of other kids, but they were very close with their mother and very fond of everyone else on the housekeeping staff, but I don't think they made their first real friend until they were on The Abandon. Like a child who finds solace in the nurse's office, Maudlin got close with Dudko first after visiting him for his sea-sickness and sunburn remedies, then for comfort in Maudlin's grief, and then for conversation while he practiced his work on every available square inch of Maudlin's skin. Theirs was a sort of foxhole friendship that Maudlin misses, but is so inextricably connected to the horrors of the ship that they find it difficult to be nostalgic for it.

[artificialqueens]

Daddy's Boy, Chapter 6.5 (Biadore) - Imafuckinglibra

Ummmm. Hi. I don’t really know if anyone on here cares or if I’m shouting into a void. Obviously I’ve been gone a minute. I’m making this one 6.5 bc technically it’s supposed to be 7 but I don’t know if I’m publishing it yet or If it’s worth publishing it I should say. As an apology though I’m including a bonus at the end for whoever wants it. If there’s mistakes I’m sorry if there’s a part 7 it’ll be fixed. 

This is just pure smut btw enjoy.

“Fashion is like eating, you shouldn’t stick to the same menu.” Kenzo Takada. If you we take his words to actually mean what they literally say, you could say he’s implying we should change our choices. Kind of like…"

“Who the fuck wrote this shit?” Roy grumbled out loud, trying to find the name of the culprit on the loosely stapled pages in front of him. 

He tossed his glasses off onto the bed and tried rubbing the frustration out of his weary eyes with his thumb & index finger.

‘I’m too old for this’ He thought. ‘Go be a costume designer, no I want to TEACH. Be a LEADER.‘ sigh “Yeah right.” 

He had to come to realization we all do that - inevitably - when we’re alone for too long we kind of go, batshit. You start thinking about your life choices and just where oh where did you go wrong. And man did he feel alone.

His apartment, although my no means small especially on a teacher salary, suddenly felt massive. Without his near constant companion running around in baggy jeans, ill fitting hoodies or singing about every day activities the apartment felt like he did. Vast & vacant. Tad dramatic perhaps.

The living room once just books, dog beds and a TV was now littered with photographs, guitar picks, knick knacks so many empty bottles of various sodas or beer. 

The bathroom once so pristine now riddled with long hair everywhere, toothpaste splatter against the mirror, bottles of all sorts of hair and face lotions.

Food smeared and discarded left and right in the kitchen area, boxes and boxes of old take out. Empty bags of chips or half eaten cookies just scattered about without a care in the world. 

Not to mention the bedroom. 

“Just look at how he left these pillows!” He thought. 

Well, to be honest none of it was that bad. Not even close. Everything was immaculately clean. It just been so long since he’d seen Danny he had to start making things up to be mad at him at. If he didn’t he’d start to think of the good and then he’d just miss him.

In true college student fashion the punk rocker had taken the opportunity summer vacation presents to travel with his friends. Him and his roommates packed their bags into Brian’s busted little car and decided to travel the US and hit at least one new bar every night. It may have only been 12 weeks but god it felt like 5 years. 

Some times they’d just stay in one place, sobering up in some dodgy hotel before they head to the next place. Which Roy absolutely despised, causing many a fight between the two. At least 3 times. At least. 

However. Some times, most times, fine. Pretty much every city to be honest, Danny and Brian would perform some of their music and they’d have gas, food and hotel money the next day. Which Roy had to admit, made him proud. 

The fact that he could take responsibility and provide for himself like this with his craft was absolutely endearing. Roy envied him for it once in a while. 

Granted. He didn’t do it all himself, he had 4 others with him. Jason included, the only one with a head on his shoulders who’d pre planned every last detail of their trip before they left. 

Summer comes and goes every year though and so does financial independence and adolescent freedom. Danny and his friends had to finally return to school, and finally back to Roy. Not before making a stop at his mom’s house first though. 

He’d been in Azusa for 2 weeks at this point, getting his school work in order, doing laundry, buying school supplies, being babied by his mother and bullied by his brothers as 20 somethings do. 

“God I miss him though.” Roy said to Dede who’d been strolling through the empty hallway. Realizing the essay from hell was finally over and done with. 

‘D!!’ he scribbled on it. ‘You at least managed to get your own name right, now try getting other people’s name right! Baloney!’

VRRRR VRRRR

His phone vibrated on the bedside table next to him. He carefully dropped the stack of papers  onto the portable work bench he kept close by and picked up his phone. 

Incoming Call

Danny 

Danny put the heart next to his own name, don’t question it. 

“Hey, you headin…” Roy asked before he realized what he was looking at and grabbed his bottom lip with his hand to keep from laughing. 

“Shhh.” Danny gestured softly with his index finger over his lips, whispering the command. “Quiet.” 

Danny had propped his phone against some shampoo bottles and a tub of conditioner at the bottom of his mother’s shower. The front camera pointed directly at center stage just for Roy.

His head was tilted in the corner of the tiled shower, his body contorted to fit into the small cubicle. Bent long legs either side of his chest to give his partner the best possible view of the skinny middle finger gliding slowly in and around both entrances. 

His mouth agape in ecstasy at the hot water spraying down from the shower head against the wall onto his growth and down his inner thighs. 

“Naughty boy.” Roy whispered to himself with a devilish grin. He knew Danny only ever teased or fingered himself in both holes when he was desperate. Something which he didn’t frequently do up until right before he left. During finals when he was too stressed to see each other. 

“It must’ve been a minute since he’s been able to jerk off.” He thought but hey can’t blame him. He might have been a liiiitle pent up too. 

Roy picked up on the hint and put the phone down on the bed against his headboard so Danny could enjoy his own show. 

Sitting back on his ankles Roy undid his shorts zipper and pulled his semi erect cock out. Slowly tugging at it to match Danny’s rhythm. Eager to catch up with him but not eager enough to ruin the moment too fast. 

Driving his young lover wild with his fist steadily opening and closing, squeezing the pre cum out of the tip. The same pre cum Danny spent hours teasing him with. 

He reached for the drawer or toys they’d accumulated in their time together and pulled out a fleshlight Danny bought him before he left. 

“No.” Danny mouthed shaking his head. “Pillow” 

“Pillow?” Roy whispered. 

“I want to see.” He gestured back with one now freed hand. 

Roy realized what he meant and happily obliged.

With one hand still around his shaft and the other gripping under him he slowly lowered himself as he would if Danny had been there rather than his hand. 

“Like that.” Danny smiled biting his lip. Watching carefully for when Roy’s cock would slide into his palm again. Sliding 2 fingers into his asshole at the same time. 

He’d grown accustomed to pretending Roy was the one pleasuring him rather than himself, especially when they played together like this. 

He still felt the same butterflies in his stomach he had the very first time they slept together, the same giddy high from watching Roy’s head twitch at every gentle touch. The veins wrapping around his thick tan cock. 

‘Oh fuck he’s gorgeous.’ He thought, watching his body tense and relax with every thrust. His skin becoming shiny with sweat as he picked up his pace, probably without realizing. 

Or maybe Danny was the one who picked up his pace first, who knows. He couldn’t tell anymore. All he wanted was Roy to fuck him hard right now, even if it was just pretend. 

“Dan!” His mom yelled snapping them to reality. 

“Yeah?” Danny yelled frowning at Roy to hush. His fingers slowing down significantly but not stopping. As if he’s been caught in the act before but knew he could get away with it. 

“We’re heading to dinner soon, when you gonna be done?” 

“Like 10 more minutes I’m just washing my hair.” He lied winking at his audience. 

“Okay Hun, we’ll wait for you.”

“AirPods.” Roy whispered quickly gesturing with his hands while they were still unoccupied. 

“But they’ll get wet?”

“I’ll buy you new ones.” Roy rolled his eyes. Danny had dropped these AirPods in everything from salsa, mountain dew to even the mud at the dog park but this was one step too far apparently. Really?

Without missing a beat Danny simply reached his long legs over to his pants that had the case still inside. He put just one in, being careful to keep his head out of the splash zone. Reassuming his position when he was ready with the water perfectly hitting its target again. 

“Ready?” Roy growled into his ear.

“Yeah…” Danny melted into his voice. Thinking how close he could get to cumming right then and there just at hearing his rasp again. 

“I can’t. Wait. To. Fuck….ugh, you.” Roy grunted emphasizing each word with a thrust into his palm. Watching as Danny nodded lost in his own desires, his fingers pounding into himself with him. Making his top lip quiver each time, distorting his face into a silent cry as he tried to control himself. 

A year ago he’d be too embarrassed to act like this over a video call but dating someone long distance like this changes a person. Especially when that person begs so nicely for it each time. 

“I know you want both holes filled, don’t you. I need to fuck you, I need to taste your cum running down my chin again.” He continued.

Danny whimpered a near silent “uh huh” at him drifting his eyes closed as his hands took over with a mind of their own. His left hand finding the same path as his right. A single lanky finger curling into himself, enough for now to apply just the perfect pressure for release.

“Fuck you’re gonna cum right, uhng…now.” Roy panted thrusting himself harder and harder despite his legs burning. His breath ragged. “Right now, aren’t you. Oh fuck.”

“Uh…huh.” Danny nodded again to the best of his ability as his hips bucked, his fingers and toes all curling in as his orgasm overtook him.

Roy watched him writhing around, the sight pushing him so close to the edge he didn’t think he could come back from it. But he didn’t want to look away yet, he didn’t want this moment to end so soon. 

Watching Danny melt into the floor as his hips instinctively kept riding his own fingers were too delectable to let go just yet. His bottom lip clenched tight between perfect teeth as he fought back from making a sound. His chest puffed high as he fought for air. 

“Hngh I can’t wait, fuck, to fill you with cum. Watch it drip out of your tight little ass”. He kept teasing. Knowing Danny hadn’t had enough yet, he could see it in the brief flash when their eyes finally met again. 

Rhythm be dammed at this point he was uncontrollably humping his pillow chasing his own orgasmic high as he tried leading Danny to a second.  Wether ready or not he couldn’t escape it now. “C’mon baby, I know you got one more. Keep that hand there.” 

Danny took a deep gulp for air and moved his left hand towards his growth instead, jerking off furiously in unison with his hips’ gyrating. 

“I…hm huh.” He squeaked softly. The coil inside his body near snapping again despite never going down. 

“Aaah!! Fucking…Dan. Shit.” Roy cried, looking down at his cock pulsing violently. Cum shooting out from his hand onto the sheets beneath him. Splattering across the pillow, the bench next to him and nearly on his phone. 

He kept his chin pressed against his own chest trying to catch his breath, his eyes shut in ecstasy as he heard a faint squeak between the shower splashes coming from his phone. 

His eyes fighting open as he watched Danny completely drop into a mess with his legs uncontrollably shaking through his second orgasm. His face scrunched up, bright red and dripping in probably sweat if the water hadn’t gotten to it yet. 

“Holy shit.” He sighed wiping his hair out of his face. “Fuck baby you made me cum a gallon.” 

Danny softly chuckled under his breath as he straightened his legs up and out against the tiles. Ass still on the floor as he felt the water washing away his sins. “Shhh.” He joked again.

“See. What am I supposed to do with this?” Roy teased pretending to be mad as he turned the camera to give him a view. 

Danny took his phone and started typing quickly. 

You better save some for me then when I get back. You promised to fill me up remember.

“Yeah I remember.” Roy laughed. “Gonna make up for all the times you blue balled me this summer.”

Danny’s face went flat when he read it. Looking into the camera with fake distain. 

Nevermind. I’ll just find some other professor to do it, fuck my way to an A this semester. 

“Dirty bitch…” Roy growled. “We’ll talk about it later, go wash your hair and enjoy dinner. I have papers to grade.” 

[Admin Note:

Continue scrolling for a mildly pornographic illustration.

If you are at work or in church or your parents are looking at your phone over your shoulder...

...then consider yourself warned.

Coming in 10...

9...

8...

7...

6...

5...

4...

3...

2...

1!]

[flockofdoves]

obviously there is no time that is Good or Convenient to have covid and i guess technically its good that this isn't happening to me in the middle of a time where i have more active work or school responsibilities

but also it just feels like Such bad timing in a lot of other ways

i literally Just was recovering after unrelated health problems over the past couple weeks that were making me so so fucking stir crazy i had plans to go out and really start planning my days for the rest of the summer doing things like going to rhode island again and going birding more and going to museums and stuff because i was at my fucking limit with being cooped up in my apartment recovering. but now i just gotta do that all over again for at least another 9 days from today

kinda sad about ending my summer this way. and also i'm gonna have to miss my niece's christening party when i really would like to see her again i've only seen her once since she was born :(

also there are just so so many issues surrounding my lease and roommate situation. my symptoms started on tuesday the 16th which means i should isolate til the 26th (i do not trust the new recommendations saying you can even go to work if you have covid after 5 days i think thats fucking insane and would be irresponsible of me with how extremely symptomatic i am right now)

my current lease ends on the 26th. so so lucky i don't have to move but every single thing about my roommate situation and how shes supposed to move out on the 26th is made so fucking complicated by this

because my roomate is still here the whole time i have to isolate i have to stay entirely in my bedroom outside of wearing a mask to go to the bathroom (and shutting the door and taking it off to shower or brush teeth) or quickly get food to bring to my room

and my girlfriend didnt test positive yesterday but it feels kind of inevitable considering that we sleep in the same room (and cpaps even aerosolize viruses further apparently) so its not like she can even stay in the other room for the time being while periodically checking to see if she's gotten infected

and also i put in repair requests earlier this week for issues with the apartment that preexisted me and my gf moving in but that over the past year i'd been too nervous about having maintenance come in and see how bad things were bc of my roommate until me and my gf deep cleaned last week

but the repair requests were not fulfilled within a few days and then i had to cancel them obviously once i tested positive. and so now that means i cant have maintenance fix anything til after the new lease starts... which means that we're gonna have to pay back my roommate the her entire portion of the security deposit and then pay for the repairs during our new lease for things that happened when she lived here before us...

it also kinda puts a wrench into any hopes i still kinda had of trying to reach out to anyone she knows to try to help her cat

and im sad bc i realized cats can get covid so i shouldnt even really be playing with or petting her cat over the next 10 days :(

also its gonna be so so weird bc ive already doubted that shes actually gonna move out at all and now its even more ambiguous bc like. if she ever communicated with me at all i'd find it very reasonable for her to ask to move out a little later so she doesnt have to deal with that or expose anyone shes potentially bringing to help her move or anything. but like i know shes not actually gonna communicate anything so if the 26th comes and goes and shes still here its gonna feel even weirder than it was gonna originally because i'll feel more unconfident about asserting like. you need to get out of here. when i can find a reason to understand why she'd unexpectedly need to stay a little longer

[taegularities]

Hello, lovely Rid 💕💕

Pleeeease don't think you're doing too much with the angst in cmi. No matter how much I love OC and Jungkook as a couple and I think they're soulmates that should be together forever, the sad moments and what they're going through right now make so much sense in their story to me. Even the most compatible and in love people fall prey to insecurities especially when they're put in situations like our favourite couple has been.

Even though we haven't seen exactly what has been going through Jungkook’s head recently, I feel like you've let us get to know these characters so well that I can understand him and feel for him even without knowing the explicit reasons behind his actions. It will make me feel even closer to him to know the insecurities, fears and emotions that have led him to make these decisions and the way he feels about them after.

Seeing people's bad sides along with the good is the way to truly strengthen a relationship and I love discovering all of these different sides of both OC and Jungkook through this painful experience. And this will also only prove that they're truly meant to be together when they're able to overcome all of it one day.

I was actually just thinking of messaging you just to quickly say hi and how I don't have anything to ramble about today and here we are... I'm always on brand it seems. And this time I feel like I didn't make sense at all but oh well 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Long story short, all of the decisions you've made so far on cmi have made complete sense and have made it the wonderful story that it is right now. Please don't be afraid to listen to your heart about future decisions because I'm absolutely sure it will never lead you astray. I'm so so excited to keep witnessing this couple's beautiful journey through your writing, Rid. I love youuuu 💞💞💞

ivi, i'm serious *wipes tear*, i don't deserve you. there's a lot i wanna say in this ask? or maybe not, and it just feels like a lot but anyways–

i think now that you said all that, it makes a lot of sense... idk, it's just, readers were asking when the angst is gonna end or that they'd read once the sad parts are over (which is absolutely valid and i support that 100%), but i started wondering if the sadness is too much. i had that whole arc planned since summer 2021! i also figured the series couldn't just be rainbows and sunshine, and all of you gave me so much love for it.. so idk why i'm like that hahaha

also, sidenote... everytime you say they're your favourite couple, my heart goes 💕💝 ... bc of all fics that exist, you love them so much? can't wrap my head around such a wonderful thing :(

once again, you're right... yeah, 7.5 is definitely not an extra chapter just to enhance the angst, but to give insight and make everyone understand the character better... i hope all the pain and future chapters make sense 🥺

also ivi, the fact that you wanted to message me just to say hi is SUCH a huge thing to me? idk, it just means like... a lot to me? bc even i've kinda gotten used to talking to you regularly, and i often just randomly think of you and hope you're doing okay hahah i need to give you a hug 😔 so thank you for that. seriously. you're an absolutely wonderful friend fr

i'm so sorry for rambling and ranting asjhajsd but honestly, thank you so much for this. it means more than you know, everytime. i love you a lot 🤍

[odette-at-dawn]

-friends pt.2-

So summer came and went, i had the best summer job ever and met some amazing people, including a girl i really, /really/, liked. i would go into more detail but that would take up the whole character limit honestly lmao. but, i was talking to my best friend about it (who is straight) and she wasnt really understanding it. when i was saying how i didnt know if the girl i liked was queer or not, my best friend told me that if it didnt work out, at least id have a good friend out of it. her intentions are in the right place, but just...no girl. so i texted one of my friends about it. i told her that i had to talk ot another gay person about the situation. she was so excited for it and we made a plan to meet. me and this other friend used to be best friends 2/3 years ago and we told each other a lot, and we talked a lot about being gay in our friend group and how it was hard to talk about it with straight people because they just didnt get it. we told each other we'd always be there for each other if we wanted to talk about our gay crushes or relationships. so the day comes, and she texts me 30 min before we are supposed to meet that she is too hungover to come. shes really sorry but she just cant do it. i was actually so mad. really disappointed in her bc who does that? i know that you should expect people to act how you'd act for them, but i would never to that to someone. especially when the plan is already there, then on a whim you decided to go out the night before. my parents were also really upset, because they know this friend well as we have also being friends atp for 8 years or so. it chill, i talk to one of my other really good friends and we get dinner that night and chat about it, and it was great. this friend is truly my longest friendship and we've only had one big argument (the one mentioned in the previous post) but we got over it quickly. i trust her more than basically anyone and we tell each other basically everything. so, at the end of the summer she is talking to me about the friend that cancelled on me, and she tells me that it completely slipped her mind until now, but the friend that cancelled on me went and trashed talked me to her (the friend i was talking to) and some of their other friends (the 3 friendships that ended that i mentioned in the previous post, its these 3 girls) about me only talking to her as a gay person. like she was upset that i was only reaching out because i needed to talk about a situation and she was one of the gay people i knew to talk about it? i was honestly baffled because, what??? like she wanted to talk to me about things other than my crush, but she genuinely did not reach out to me ONCE the whole summer. like the entirety of out 4 month break from school and she didnt reach out once? what do you mean you want to talk to me about other things and hangout with me outside of that context, you clearly dont? it enraged me honestly so much. i took her off of my followers on my spam account and i swore off contact with her for a while. i just cannot believe the audacity of that. but time goes on, we all go back to school, i move back to my city and start up with school again. this was something that happened in april of 2024, but i was in a trio of friends and it kinda fell apart. we were all going to live together this year, than the other two girls went and signed a lease for just the two of them without letting me know (this was a big deal at the time and it also made me really upset but its chill now). then, those two girls who were living together started fighting, because me and one of the girls started getting closer because we both watched wbb. we also both found some of the players rlly hot, which we also bonded over. the other girl did not like this (bc shes a lesbian but lowkey is very biphobic but thats a diff convo to have) and she ended up unloading all of it on the other friend all at once. it caused a LOT of problems between the three of us and it was really awk for a while, but it kinds sorted itself out with time. But then this school year started.

[1d1195]

i am excited !! the bride is one of my oldest friends, we’ve known each other since we were babies and im super psyched for her, what im gonna wear well…😭 i got this superrrr gorgeous dress which was like moss green with pinkish flowers on the bodice and it had a corset and it was just so pretty, totally giving forest fairy princess, right ?? IT CAME BROKEN D: it was missing a strap ?? (it was NOT a strapless dress😭, it literally had one side with the strap intact and the other was just…gone) returned it ofc and i have a different dress coming in the mail so i’ll let you know how that looks when it gets here

no bc ten in ONE year is a LOT i don’t blame you at all i think id quit them altogether if it got that far LMFAO

summer school sounds like a blast tbh, it seems way more chill than ur average school day and i think summer at a beach is SO awesome, i hope u have a great time !!! honestly i have nothing planned except the wedding so far haha so honestly i don’t really know ?? i don’t work at the moment so until school starts im pretty free. this is actually my first time going back in a hot minute, my family traveled a lot when i was growing up (they’re both immigrants so we’d go back and visit family n stuff) and it kind of messed with my school and during one of our longer trips (a couple of years) when we came back to the states i just never went back and finished so now im trying to go back and get my GED (long overdue lmao) !! i always really loved school and ive been dreaming of going back since i stopped (can you say nerd🤣) but i am kind of scared to go back when ive been out of the game for so long😭 but hopefully it’ll be okay !

if all goes well after that, i have no clue what id like to major in. i feel like the kinds of things im interested in people wouldnt necessarily approve of yk ?? id love to major in something like psychology or english but those are the degrees i ALWAYS see people making fun of and calling pointless💔😭 who even knows if I’ll make it that far though ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

hope you’re doing amazing !!

~🎶

I'm sure your new dress is just as pretty but the green and floral fairy look sounds so pretty! I'm sorry it didn't come in tact, that's the WORST.

I'm so sick of weddings tbh. And bridal showers. And baby showers. I'm probs just bitter because I won't be having any of it, but ya know. I've enjoyed every wedding and shower that I've been too. They're all cute and fun but I simply cannot afford this anymore. I'm saying no to my first wedding invite in years--it's too far away and as much as I would love to make a trip of it, I can't do it. It's too much for my stress addled mind.

Learning isn't linear and if it's time to get your GED now, then it truly doesn't matter. That's amazing you're going back and it's awesome that you're interested in it! You're going to do amazing (also if you have any math questions let me know, I love math lol) I'm sure you'll settle right back into things as soon as you get back in the classroom. You're going to do so well, it's amazing you're doing this for yourself. I think it's huge and important and I love that for you! You're talking to Miss Nerd herself over here. There's no such thing! I love school much I chose to teach so I didn't need to leave! There's nothing wrong with enjoying school anymore than not enjoying school. Some people love it, some people don't. I'm happy for you!!! 💕

You gotta do what you like. Psych and English are great choices. They're interesting to you and that's what matters most. You'll figure the rest out as you go along! I would love to go back to school and be a full time student and just collect degrees like Pokemon cards. I would love a psych degree. I think I would be a good therapist lol. Anything you decide to do is not pointless. People that say stuff like that are unhappy with their own lives because they chose to follow something they weren't passionate about. I can relate as you don't know how many people tell me I should have done more than be a teacher and "those who can't do, teach" which is like a knife to my heart every time I hear it. But even if I WERE to placate the idea and agree for two seconds that some degrees are "pointless" someone has to do the job required of those degrees. So how pointless is it really? English and Psych are so important for mental health fields, creative fields, just general societal norms. There's a reason every college student has to take English 101 and Psych classes for anything they pursue.

I hope that doesn't sound offensive. It's meant to sound more like "it's not pointless, in fact it's so pointed, you have to do it because that's what you want and that's more than enough."

HEY I GOT A NEW SONG FOR US. I was watching a show on Netflix and it hit me like a truck! PIRATE RADIO* Jean Dawson I don't know how to describe it, it's just like this romantic/whimsical song. I hope you'll know what I mean if you decide to listen to it!

Hope you're having a good start to your week! 💕💕

xoxo

[finsterhund]

Had a nice chat with our new downstairs neighbor who moved into the place the neighbor who had kitties but passed from cancer used to be in. Bittersweet on that fact but our new neighbor is also super nice and is helping me with my plants. Offered to give me some potting soil when it's time to transplant my beans and we have the plan over the summer to have a joint garden along the wall/corner we share. So I can theoretically have even more beans because I can plant them on the ground and trellis them all the way up to our patio. I just hope our stupid landlords don't get mad about a wall of beans. They wouldn't get mad about maintained bean plants up the outside of the building if both relevant neighbors were working together growing them would they? I don't know anymore. Landlords are practically at the point where they want to force what renters can and can't cook in the kitchen for fucks sake. I've seen that discussed online before.

I just want my beans man. I know a neighbor had potted tomates in the front yard last year and they were allowed so here's hoping I can have two story beans. If not I'll continue my plan of having smaller clipped ones on the patio and in my bedroom (my main idea was having the pole beans grow tall enough that I can have their pots on the floor and have them stalk up along my windows behind the blinds. With an added benefit that I can then open my blinds more and get more sun because the bean plants will obscure me from the outside in.)

They also offered to give us a barbeque they were trying to get rid of. One that can be portable for camping but our stupid landlords hate barbeques but then they suggested that I could keep it but have it hidden and only bring it out for camping. How would those fuckers know? I'd never have the propane tanks on site just the little barbeque.

Got into talking how we need to bring back farming for the new generation and about how my family has left our farm to rot and how I want to inherit it and keep bothering my mom about it. I am not a pariah to the uncle who I'm pretty sure is who's in charge of the property right now so I really should just get his number and call him directly to talk about it because my mom is never going to get it into her head that I'm capable of living on my own. I mean I do get it to some extent but that would be a different circumstance. Rural life is significantly easier on my mental stressors than urban life. People have told me that there's less acceptance for being a disabled queer man but it's not like I'd be participating in the night life or adult communities or anything. Just participating in the larger community like I play Stardew valley where I'm the mysterious farmer who comes into town for supplies, is friendly and generous when he's there and then goes back to his farm. Makes me wish I was developmentally capable of relationships and wasn't also aroace because I'd love to find someone to live this life with but everybody wants a partner and I'm just perpetually stuck in a neo childhood. People who aren't exploiters want an equal. In many ways I will never be a normal adult's equal. Such is life.

Sadly I'd have to move away from BC if I did get the farm. So I'd be leaving all these nice people behind but such is life I guess. Better that I'm moving on to better things than everyone else continuing to be the ones who move on to better things while my situation slowly grows worse.

I suppose it's classic case of toxic relationship when a parent both expresses resentment for your helplessness due to disability but also dismisses any attempt at independence on one's own specialized terms. Idk anymore. I don't think I'll ever go no contact. I just want a family too much. And I always need to remember she was just as much a victim as me. She is also clearly neurodivergent and society failed her about it like it failed me. There's just generational trauma I have that she doesn't. Which is alienating. Usually generational trauma is, well, generational. But my grandparents were good people and the generational trauma is from my disowned abuser paternal side. So the type of trauma I have is different than my mom's despite we having the same abuser. Blah blah blah I'm just retreading old ground. Point is even though things are extremely complicated I will never stop loving her despite the way she loves me being conditional and weird and unhealthy. The way I love her is also weird and unhealthy too. That's just how generational trauma is.

I hope I have not passed on the generational trauma to Cazza and that I won't to Scott. Sometimes I feel the normalized child abuse bubble close to the surface when I am frustrated or cross or stressed about them. And it horrifies me. I am so glad I am on antipsychotics because this is no doubt helping me not emulate my upbringing. But when I raise my voice or lose my temper it makes me feel so ill. It reminds me of when I was just being a kid and I'd get screamed at or hit. I never scream at my puppies. I will raise my voice or throw my voice in situations of urgency and I'll scold but I do not scream at them. But I still feel bad when I scold. Under normal circumstances my verbal communications are slurred and stilted and passive so when I do get urgent and loud I always feel it's going to upset Scott. Perhaps I'm overthinking it and this is just how men are supposed to sound and the level of our voices when things are urgent but I'm still learning how to exist in a space and the amount of weight it's acceptable to throw around. It's the verbal equivalent of how I still skulk around my own damn house like it's not safe to be out of my bedroom. When will that stop? Do I just need therapy? Yeah.

I wish I could have known my grandparents more. Thinking back on it now. I was too young. I have more memories than the average person about those years but it's still through the mind of a very small child. Things come to me in flashes and in bits and pieces. The brain latches onto the most random of things. I have practically a photographic memory of the entire inside of the house but don't remember what it looked like from the outside. I remember how grandma smelled but not how her hair or face looked. I remember sitting on my grandpa's knee in the living room but I don't remember him giving me the sausage to teethe on even though that would go on to be a way of comfort and self soothing even into adulthood. I can still hear the sound of his oxygen machine. I remember the room upstairs me and my mom slept in. I remember the book about the boy and the quilt. I remember the book about the dog who hatched from an egg. I remember some of the toys of my mom and siblings that they kept that I would play with and the anti slip plastic thing that was put over the carpet. I remember nature visuals on their TV. And Painting Pictures. I remember from later the drawing of a "rainbow puppy" I made to put in grandma's casket and how I didn't understand what a funeral was or the full gravity that they were gone.

Something bothering me lately is that despite trying real hard I can't remember if it was specifically Yiddish or German that I have memories of hearing spoken. I don't know how to tell if the amount of residual Yiddish in my mom's vernacular is substantial enough to suggest it was more prevalent than the borrowing in north american English as a whole. I would assume it is because it's more prevalent than in the people I interact with in my day to day but language is not my strong suit.

It's likely both though. This lineage came about from two separate minority groups (one Lutheran the other Jewish) who left/were driven out of Germany and ended up in Russia before inevitably jumping ship to Canada. It can then be extrapolated that it was probably in Russia when the two converged to then go on to be solely christian in practice. Of course it's only at that point that I can find any sort of sparce free information people bothered to put online... 😒 But the surname apparently came from the christian side of the family so I guess that should be expected. There's methodist in there too somewhere at one point so it's not just lutheran, and Cree ancestors were christian also, likely as a result of missionaries or residential schools or some bullshit but I don't care about christianity. I'm fine with leaving that in our past.

I sometimes wonder that if it wasn't for my birth father I may have had a better association with the religion. Because my grandparents were good people. Would I have continued believing in god if they had been the ones to raise me like planned? Were they even as devout as my mom is and leads me to believe they were? I can't even say. It's such a foreign concept to reality that I can't really fathom it. Butterfly effect man. I also have to wonder just to what extent my birth father and his manipulation contributed to mom's fundamentalism because it's clear as day that the longer she's been apart from him the more of the bigotry she directed at me dies.

It's extremely fucking easy to find info on my birth father's family if I gave even remotely enough of shit about it is the bitter irony in this. He's obsessed with it. Literally would not hear the end of it. Bunch of cold blooded east coast British settler fucks. Brag about being related to Lord Nelson yet possess only his absolute worst traits. Obsessed with the wretched Atlantic ocean too of course.

In the same way I have a deep connection to my maternal side (despite being taken away at so young an age and on top of that a pariah because I'm part of the LGBTQ community) I have such a violent repulsion and aversion to the paternal side. So much of what they are and what matters to them is utterly incompatible and indigestible. It'd be kinda funny if it wasn't a hundred and ten percent related to the utter magnitude of childhood trauma.

Idk I didn't intend to get philosophical about my family history in this post but it just sorta slipped out.

I'm hoping that my beans can bring a little bit more nature and farming spirit back into my life. Even though I'm miles away from my true home.

I'm pretty sure talking to plants and singing to them and playing them orchestral music to help them grow is a myth but I am still doing it. Currently until my neighbor gives me some potting soil I have only planted two of them using some dirt I collected from back beyond the property where Cazza used to like going for walkies. God I fucking miss her. Maybe it's paradolia or excessive sentimentalism but didn't her sweet little nose look like a scarlet runner bean?

My purple nose puppy 💔

The days keep getting longer and I find comfort in that. Even with the blinds closed I feel the sun through my window. Someday I hope to be in a wide open space with nobody around for as far as the eye can see accompanied only by the bright blue sky and our blazing star. And a doggy of course. Then everything will be okay.

[likeshipsonthesea]

mianmian gets to the lan sect lectures, discovers very quickly that every one of her peers has decided to use this time to figure out how quickly they can get into bed with someone of the opposite sex, and decides almost immediately that she has to pick a suitably unattainable guy to have a crush on.

the thing is, mianmian is lanling jin’s head disciple. she is capable, intelligent, and very very gay. the last of these things she isn’t exactly keen on telling people yet for a variety of reasons up to and including jin zixuan will be so awkward and stubbornly supportive about it and she doesn’t know how to deal with that yet

so when her friends giggle over the other young masters and finally turn to mianmian-- who’s trying to memorize at least some of the fifty-thousand rules before their quiz tomorrow--and they ask her, “who do you like, mianmian?” she says the name that she carefully picked out of a handful of options.

“lan-er-gongzi,” she says, without looking up from her textbook, and she assumes that will be the end of it. 

lan wangji is both incredibly attractive and unrelentingly resistant to all attempts to flirt with him. she, like half the other female cultivators, can moon over him (or pretend to moon over him) all they want and nothing will come of it. it’s perfect. she’s a genius. the worst she’ll have to do now is pretend to be infatuated with him when her friends start gossiping. it’s fool proof.

spoiler: it’s not

it’s not, no, because her friends are horrible and immediately start gossiping about it to everyone, and usually mianmian wouldn’t care but then jin zixuan finds out. jin zixuan, whose marriage complex is being brought to center stage with the forced proximity to his bride-to-be. jin zixuan, who for some reason decided he has to live his stolen crush-addled youth vicariously through his only real friend that isn’t related to him. jin zixuan, who for some godforsaken reason takes it upon himself to contrive situations for mianmian and lan wangji to be alone together incessantly.

it unfortunately takes mianmian longer than she would like to figure out what’s happening. she’d give herself a break for it-- she was being responsible and studying, thank you very much-- but she doesn’t have much sympathy for her own stupidity seeing as she’s currently locked in a section of the lan library with the second jade of lan

and suddenly, suddenly she’s just so fucking tired. of studying, yeah, the tests here are brutal and there’s no one to bribe to make sure she doesn’t lose points on stupid things, but also tired of lying to the people she loves and tired of training this hard and being an amazing cultivator only for people to care more about her eventual marriage-- to a man of all things!-- and also, let’s be real here, she’s been in lectures with beautiful capable intelligent women for like months and she’s losing her gay ass mind

and so maybe, possibly, as she’s locked in a library with a clearly confused and annoyed second jade of lan she kind of, momentarily, loses it and rants all of this at his steadily widening eyes

at the end of it, she realizes with no small amount of panic that she’s just confessed not only her attraction to women but the fact that she’s been letting wen qing’s ears of all things distract her from her studies. if anything, she’s sure lan wangji will fault her for inattention

but the second jade of lan, after a drawn-out moment filled only with mianmian’s labored breathing and rising panic, simply says, “i understand.”

mianmian stops. she squints. she tilts her head. she squints some more. lan wangji’s ears go pink and just like that she realizes -- “you’re a cut-sleeve.”

lan wangji’s ears go even pinker. he doesn’t nod, or agree, or outwardly react in any way, but mianmian is a capable, intelligent cultivator, and she’s sure of it.

mianmian sighs with a relief she didn’t know she could feel. “thank the gods.”

lan wangji doesn’t seem to know what to make of this response, or mianmian’s increasingly frequent trips to the library following their conversation, or mianmian’s staunch determination to befriend the guy, but that’s alright. mianmian is old hat at befriending awkward sect heirs by this point.

it’s not like lan wangji expressed any desire for her friendship, but the prospect of not being the only one with absolutely no interest in the straight shenanigans happening at gusu lan summer camp is enough to let mianmian ignore his obvious confusion. lan wangji is a great listener and only sometimes blushes when mianmian waxes poetic about the beautiful women she’s forced to surround herself with every day

“no but you don’t understand,” mianmian insists, alone in the library with lan wangji, “jiang-guniang asked me to help her with a sword form. i put my hands on her waist. i said something idiotic bc she was so pretty and right there and then she laughed. lan wangji. i’m in love.”

“yesterday you were in love with wen-guniang,” lan wangji says as he impassively turns a page in his book. “has this changed?”

“no, i’m in love with both of them. all of them. lan wangji. they’re all so pretty all the time. it’s horrible.”

lan wangji presses his lips into a firmer line, which mianmian’s come to understand means he’s repressing a smile. “i’m sorry to hear it brings luo-guniang such trouble.”

mianmian groans, fairly undignified, but that’s a lost cause with lan wangji at this point anyway. “i swear, if jin zixuan says one more bad thing about her i’m going to punch him and marry her myself.”

lan wangji says, “mn,” which mianmian takes to mean that he supports her in this line of thinking, which she finds both quite sweet and ridiculously funny.

grinning, she teases, “lan-er-gongzi, if i do end up marrying jiang-guniang, will you bear witness to our elopement?”

lan wangji’s lips press again, this time in the way that means he’s repressing a frown. “jiang-guniang’s brothers wouldn’t allow for an elopement,” he says.

mianmian huffs. “as if yunmeng or lanling will deign to host our wedding.”

lan wangji appears to ponder this for a moment before he says, “gusu will host it,” and it’s at that moment that mianmian realizes she’s actually gone and fucking befriended the second jade of lan.

what is her life.

of course, it’s not long after that that she goes to find jin zixuan and explain that she can’t make their weekly sparring match today because she has plans with lan wangji (jiang yanli tenderly brushed some of mianmian’s hair away from her forehead while they were working on sword forms and if mianmian doesn’t tell someone about it she’s literally going to explode) and she’s trying to be as polite as possible only for jin zixuan to scoff and pout (”i don’t pout”) and say, “i never took you for one of those women who throw themselves so wantonly at a man”

it’s only for having been friends with this absolutely horrible communicator for most of her life that she doesn’t immediately punch him in the face. “what did you just say to me,” she demands, but jin zixuan just sets his jaw and looks away, flushing down his neck in the way his mother describes as unbecoming and--

and mianmian suddenly realizes that her ridiculous best friend is jealous of lan wangji. 

(in a friend way, of course, he’s like her brother, the one time his mother implied that he ought not get too close to women in case it jeopardizes his betrothal to jiang yanli, he insisted he didn’t have any female friends repeatedly as his mother delicately danced around outright saying mianmian’s name until finally she broke and jin zixuan was basically like huh?? mianmian doesn’t count?? she made me eat dirt like six times when we were kids)

the sheer ridiculousness of jin zixuan, to set her up with a guy and then get jealous when she spends all her time with him

and fuck her, but she loves her stupid awkward ridiculous sect heir best friend and she doesn’t want him to think she’s gone and left him for someone else (gods know jin zixuan’s loyalty complex rivals his marriage one (on second thought the two might be connected)) and so, after making a few quick decisions, mianmian grabs her stupid best friend by the wrist and pulls him to the library

he protests all the way there, but he’s been letting her drag him wherever she wants since they were five and it isn’t as if he’s going to break the pattern now. she drags him to the library and sits him down across a startled lan wangji and then finally breaks and gushes about jiang-guniang’s fingertips brushing her forehead and doesn’t look at jin zixuan once the whole time

lan wangji, on the other hand, sends jin zixuan frequent glances, as if worried on mianmian’s behalf, which is super sweet and also how the fuck did mianmian get two awkward sect heirs to care about her platonically wtf. she spares a thought for her poor auntie, who would’ve loved to have a sect heir care about her niece in much less platonic ways.

at the end of mianmian’s rant, jin zixuan is blinking quite a lot. “you like women?” he asks. he’s always been a bit slow on the uptake. mianmian nods. “you like jiang-guniang?”

mianmian shrugs. “more or less. she’s just really pretty and i’m dying about it. it’s fine.”

lan wangji says, “mn,” sympathetically and jin zixuan continues to gape.

mianmian winces. “you’re not going to be weird about this, are you?”

jin zixuan shakes his head quickly. “no, no-- of course not, i--you know that i--you’re my best friend, i don’t care--what does it matter to me, who you want to--to touch your hair.”

it’s probably the most awkward sentence he’s said to her in years, but possibly more articulate than she’d been expecting. it makes her tear up regardless and she punches him in the shoulder to hide it, and that’s basically how the three of them start hanging out in the library nearly every day after lecture.

sometimes they go to the sparring ground, bc who’s better sparring practice than the second jade of lan? and sometimes (once or twice) mianmian manages to convince lan wangji to join her and jin zixuan for lunch in caiyi town when they don’t have lecture, but mostly they meet in a secluded part of the library where mianmian can rant about how pretty all the women at lectures are, jin zixuan can turn pink whenever she mentions jiang-guniang, and lan wangji can “mn” and nod sympathetically at all the right parts

and mianmian thinks that’s going to be the end of it, they’re just going to be friends now and everything else will move on as usual, bc by some ridiculous trick of fate lan wangji and jin zixuan seem to like each other. which makes sense in hindsight bc they’re both awkward sect heirs who care about cultivation and people a lot even if they’re not great at showing it 

(and he’d never say it but mianmian thinks jin zixuan’s easy acceptance of her liking women is probably the first time lan wangji’s ever seen someone accept that kind of thing before (maybe, possibly, other than his brother, lan xichen seems really cool, even if he does smile kind of intensely at mianmian whenever he happens upon her hanging out with his little brother.))

so they’re friends, they’re unexpected friends, and sometimes lan wangji even makes jokes in that dry deadpan way of his and sometimes jin zixuan doesn’t completely trip over his own words and manages to act like a normal human being and mianmian gets two idiots to care about and a perfect place to vent her womanly frustrations, and she thinks that’s the end of it and then wei wuxian accosts her after lectures one day

“do you like lan zhan?” he asks accusingly, eyes narrowed to slits. “what am i even asking, of course you like lan zhan, but do you like-like him?”

mianmian thinks sadly to herself that she’s much too into women to be dealing with all these men’s emotional problems. “lan wangji is my friend,” she says, carefully sidestepping wei wuxian, who continues to squint at her suspiciously. really, he’d been amusing when he flirted with her, but this? this is just ridiculous.

“does he know that?” wei wuxian asks. “because if he doesn’t, that’s just leading him on, and it’s really not nice to--”

“lan wangji knows we’re friends,” she says, trying to enunciate to get her point across clearly. “you can ask him, if you don’t believe me.”

wei wuxian squints a moment longer before he turns and flounces off. mianmian thinks this is the end of it until she’s accosted again after dinner with, “he said you were friends!”

for some reason, wei wuxian seems even more troubled by this than earlier. mianmian tries to suppress her eyeroll. “i told you he would?”

“but how,” wei wuxian says, suddenly whining. “i’ve been trying to be his friend for months and he refuses to acknowledge me.”

oh, mianmian realizes with a quickly dawning horror. she and lan wangji are not the only cut-sleeves at cloud recesses this summer. (she has suspicions, of course, but no confirmations on any of the others, but this. wow.)

she also realizes, decides really, that she has enough repressed sect heirs in her life and she cannot deal with wei wuxian’s cut-sleeve crisis or his evidently large attachment to lan wangji right now. she turns decisively and walks the fuck away. not her problem.

the lectures end eventually, of course, and mianmian and jin zixuan return to lanling with a horde of golden robed disciples, freshly deflowered and not all together more learned. it’s what, she thinks grimly, their sect leader would want.

the first few weeks go by and she realizes that she’s missed unloading about her frequent and fast falling-in-loves. jin zixuan just doesn’t sympathize right, bless him, and so mianmian takes to writing letters. she sends two without receiving a reply and just starts to write the third when a letter with the gusu symbol is delivered to her room.

she’s almost expecting to find a single mn written on the page-- she would’ve been delighted with just that, actually, the sheer hilarity of such a thing-- but instead she finds several pages filled with lan wangji’s perfect calligraphy.

it’s more than he’s ever spoken out loud, but it seems that propriety dictated that he return mianmian’s extensive letter with one of his own and he’s done so admirably. he responds to the events mianmian detailed in her letters-- most succinctly summarized as, woman are gorgeous and i’m dying-- and then writes about his own life in cloud recesses. apparently, he went on a little night hunt with wei wuxian and also nie huaisang and jiang cheng were involved? seriously, mianmian misses out on all the fun.

he’s also apparently taken in some rabbits, which mianmian immediately decides she needs to see. lan wangji, sitting prim and proper, with a bunch of rabbits in his lap? amazing. wei wuxian would die on sight, she’s sure of it.

he also ends his letter with a warning about qishan wen that has mianmian frowning. she takes it to jin zixuan who reads the paragraph and frowns. “i’ll talk to my father about it,” he says, which she can tell by his hunched shoulders he doesn’t expect to do much.

“talk to your father’s general too,” she suggests, because that man at least thinks with his head and not his dick.

jin zixuan nods but doesn’t hand back the letter. he skims it instead with a barely concealed surprise at lan wangji’s previously hidden expansive vocabulary. mianmian snorts and grabs the letter back. “you can write to him yourself, you know.”

jin zixuan flushes down his neck. “i know!” he insists and then turns and runs away because he’s a coward. mianmian shakes her head, smiling. what an idiot.

still, another week goes by and a letter arrives from gusu and, when mianmian takes it, assuming it’s for her, she finds it addressed to jin zixuan in lan wangji’s impeccable calligraphy and she grins to herself like an idiot. look at jin zixuan, making friends

(she suddenly understands why lan xichen gave her all those intense smiles during the lan lectures)

they go on in this way, writing letters to lan wangji from lanling. sometimes mianmian steals jin zixuan’s letters before he sends them so she can squeeze in some ranting in the post script without wasting a whole second thing of paper, and lan wangji replies dutifully, more verbose than he ever was in person, and it’s nice okay, like. she and jin zixuan have been best friends since they were kids but neither of them has ever been any good at listening and lan wangji is just so honest and earnest in everything, like they didn’t realize that people outside of lanling were actually not always plotting your downfall??? who woulda thunk

and then of course the wens go and ruin everything. they go to the wen lectures bc jin guangshan doesn’t want to “anger our trading partner” like the guy isn’t obviously going to burn carp tower to the ground the first chance he gets, and mostly mianmian and jin zixuan are just vaguely annoyed and put out about it

then lan wangji shows up with a broken leg and a burned sect and they are ready to murder some dudes

after years of breaking in and out of carp tower she and jin zixuan are old hats at this breaking and entering stuff and they manage to sneak into lan wangji’s guest quarters and tend to his wounds, ignoring all his silent glares and ranting furiously about how they’re going to murder wen chao by making him choke on his own dick (mianmian) and how they’re going to war with the wen sect even if he has to threaten his father with acknowledging all of his bastards as proper siblings in public to do it (jin zixuan)

lan wangji just says “mn” and makes various muted, distressed expressions, but mianmian thinks he’s touched.

“are your brother and uncle alright?” she asks, when she’s set his broken leg and forced pain medication down his throat.

“brother escaped with our sacred texts,” lan wangji says. “uncle is... unwell.”

mianmian knows lan wangji hates touch but the way he says it, with this horrible little frown, emoting more than she’s ever seen him, his barely suppressed anger and grief literally making his hands shake into fists, mianmian can’t help it, she hugs him. “we’ll make them pay,” she swears into his shoulder, ruining the lines of his robes with how she clutches at them. “i promise you.”

jin zixuan awkwardly pats lan wangji’s shoulder, which is a lot for him and mianmian spares a moment to be proud of his growth.

unfortunately, wen chao seems to delight in torturing lan wangji on his injured leg and lan wangji refuses to show weakness, which both impresses mianmian and pisses her the fuck off. she approaches wen qing (and her still gorgeous ears, sigh) and asks her to tend to lan wangji, since she’s like actually a doctor. wen qing does bc she’s beautiful, intelligent, and kind and mianmian spends most of that night sighing deeply as she relates this to a significantly drugged lan wangji

the cave of the xuanwu goes about the same as you’d expect. wei wuxian saving her from getting her face branded off is pretty rad of him, though he could’ve just like knocked the brand away instead of throwing himself in front of it but whatever, you do you boo. when lan wangji gets left behind the two of them don’t even have to wait for jiang cheng to grumble and ask for their help, they’re already on their way to carp tower for an army, thank you very much

when they rescue wei wuxian and lan wangji and lan wangji immediately turns to walk back to cloud recesses on a broken leg mianmian says, “fuck no, that’s not happening, you’re getting medical attention and then someone will fly you back home, okay, wtf wangji, sit down.”

and lan wangji is a stubborn bitch so obvs he’s like no but he’s also severely starved, dehydrated, and injured, so it’s not like he can just shake off mianmian holding him down and this goes on long enough for wei wuxian to wake up and see mianmian touching lan wangji, and something in his poor little brain just like breaks and he demands says, “lan zhan, come back to lotus pier with us.”

his argument, as he explains it, is that lotus pier is closer (it’s not; they’re just as close to carp tower as lotus pier) and that it’s closer to gusu for when lan wangji has to return home (it’s not; same deal) but then jiang cheng starts yelling, possibly in support possibly not mianmian’s not sure, and jin zixuan starts getting awkward, probably about the whole golden army behind him bc he’s a nerd and hates being overdressed at functions (this is basically the same thing), and mianmian looks at lan wangji and she sees--

something. she isn’t sure what exactly, but lan wangji looks at wei wuxian as he argues with his brother and he presses his lips into a thin line in the way that means he wants to smile and mianmian thinks, oh. maybe wei wuxian isn’t completely unrequited in his lan wangji obsession.

growing up in lanling, she knows how to use information to her advantage, so she immediately says, “young masters wei and jiang, what a great idea. lanling’s disciples would be pleased to accompany you and second young master lan to lotus pier to ensure everyone’s safe arrival.”

everyone splutters, indignant, confused, awkward (jiang cheng, wei wuxian, and jin zixuan, respectively) but lan wangji narrows his eyes at mianmian and doesn’t try to convince her to let him walk to gusu again, so she counts it as a win.

sect leader jiang and his wife seem surprised and annoyed, respectively, to be taking in so many guests, but sect leader jiang merely smiles pleasantly and directs them to some guest quarters and mianmian and wei wuxian ask, simultaneously, for doctors to tend to lan wangji and wei wuxian makes a face at her and mianmian sighs to herself that she really is too gay to be in the middle of his thing with lan wangji.

turns out, walking a lot and fighting a cannibalistic turtle on a broken leg doesn’t do wonders for healing. lan wangji is also the worst patient ever, he keeps trying to sneak out and get up even though word came from his brother that he’s safe and alright and that cloud recesses is starting to rebuild after qinghe nie and lanling jin came to its aid and pushed out the wen

but with the combined efforts of mianmian, jin zixuan, and wei wuxian (and even jiang yanli at one point, bc who could say no to her soup??) they manage to get lan wangji to just rest for a fucking second, really which results in the jin disciples and lan wangji staying in lotus pier for longer than anyone could’ve expected

mianmian spends most of her time (when she isn’t forcing lan wangji to just fucking stay in bed) working with the jiang disciples, practicing archery, sword forms, and mooning after all the beautiful women here.

(”lan wangji, i know she’s scary, but have you seen madam yu? she could whip me with zidian and i’d thank her” “luo-guniang, please don’t ask madam yu to whip you” OR “lan wangji, i’m almost positive madam yu’s maids are a thing, do you think they’d let me join them just like once” “luo-guniang, could you please pass me my sword?” “why” “i’d like to put myself out of this misery” OR “she made me soup. lan wangji. lan wangji, i know you’re not sleeping, wake up, you have to listen to me, this soup”)

they end up staying so long that when wang lingjiao shows up threatening a child about a kite while sect leader jiang is away, she has a lot more to deal with than madam yu. since none of this had been a “sanctioned visit” no one actually knew that there was nearly an entire troop of jin disciples staying at lotus pier, so when the wens attack they are sorely unprepared for what they’re going to face.

(and ofc lan wangji breaks out of bed heroically and keeps madam yu from whipping wei wuxian, which means they aren’t down one of their most powerful fighters and mianmian has to suffer through the moon eyes they’re making at one another in the middle of a battle no less, she knew wei wuxian had no shame but she’d been hoping lan wangji would have some)

after the wen attack (and defeat) on lotus pier and the jin’s inarguable part in it, the war starts in earnest. lan wangji, after his long rest, heals fine and goes back to gusu to help rebuild his sect and plan for war, and mianmian and jin zixuan return to carp tower to plan as well, ignoring jin guangshan and focusing instead on his general to ensure lanling supplies necessary aid in the war effort

and war is always shitty, of course, and mianmian hates watching her sect family die on the battlefield, hates waiting for updates after every battle to see who’s still alive, hates the politics and jin guangshan trying to wheedle his way out of fighting when there’s fucking lives on the line

(and she could never know, how much easier it is, with yunmeng jiang at its full strength, with one of the brightest minds of their generation there to plot and help, with two of the best fighters not out searching for someone and instead focused on the front)

they reach nightless city after months of fighting and mianmian is ready to just fucking stab wen ruohan herself when they’re suddenly trapped. blocked in on all sides by puppets, their fallen soldiers rising again to turn on them, and it--it looks like they’re gonna die.

“this sucks,” she says to lan wangji, stifling her fear and choking it down. “i never even got to kiss a girl.”

lan wangji just says “mn.”

jin zixuan, beside them, says, “i was an idiot about jiang-guniang.”

lan wangji just says, “mn.”

then wei wuxian pulls out a fucking flute and a-- floating piece of metal?  the army of puppets and corpses stops advancing, held in place by-- music, apparently? and wen ruohan emerges from his lair, black energy falling off him in waves, wei wuxian the idiot flies forward to meet him, gets wen ruohan’s hand around his throat for his trouble.

lan wangji yells, “wei ying!” and mianmian thinks, really not fair that lan wangji is gonna get a boyfriend before i get a girlfriend

and then wen ruohan gets stabbed by jin zixuan’s half brother of all people. wen ruohan, along with his puppets and wei wuxian, fall to the ground. lan wangji rushes forward to catch wei wuxian, mianmian runs after him, finds herself in company with jin zixuan and jiang cheng. when they get there, wei wuxian is barely conscious but he’s-- he’s fucking grinning up at lan wangji from the cradle of lan wangji’s arms

“lan zhan,” he says, “you caught me.”

lan wangji nods, says, “mn,” which is basically his equivalent of i’ll always catch you, wei ying.

“really,” mianmian says aloud, “it’s so unfair.”

the aftermath of the war is more annoying than the war itself, what with all the politics and in-fighting and jin guangshan trying to be the biggest dick there ever was. jin guangshan tries to name himself chief cultivator in wen ruohan’s stead but nie mingjue suggests jiang fengmian instead and the lan sect backs him. jin guangshan tries to demonize the wens but at wei wuxian’s loud rebuttal and sect leader jiang’s backing (which is then backed by both gusu lan and qinghe nie) he’s once again shouted down. and then jin guangshan tries to propose to jiang-guniang for his son and the poor woman just seems so awkward and her father doesn’t seem to know what to say and--

mianmian elbows jin zixuan whose eyes widen ridiculously but, after another, harder hit, he suddenly stands. all eyes go to him, which mianmian knows he hates, but he bows to his father, then jiang yanli, and says, “jiang-guniang, forgive my father’s impertinence. this is not the time or place to be making such an offer, but he--” jin zixuan winces visibly. “--he knows of my feelings and wishes to make his foolish son happy. please, do not feel the need to respond.”

then he promptly sits down, flushing down to his neck, and mianmian shares a disbelieving glance with lan wangji from across the horrible nightless city palace room.

she’d really only meant for him to suggest jiang yanli answer privately, at a later time, but wow, jin zixuan really went for it. also no way jin guangshan knows his son has fallen in love with jiang yanli, so nice save face there. maybe he has been paying attention in all of their etiquette and political espionage classes.

jiang yanli flushes way prettier than jin zixuan and nods politely, stands and bows and thanks the jin clan for being considerate in this time of turmoil, perhaps they can discuss this matter at a later date (jin zixuan looks like he nearly faints at this, and mianmian feels vindicated in all her forlorn ranting. overreacting her ass)

when everything has been settled, wen qing has been appointed the new sect leader of qishan wen with promises to return land to those who lost it and pay reparations to the hurt civilians, as well as have the yin iron destroyed for good. during the final ceremony where all the sects have tea and pledge to be loyal to one another (until the next great war, of course) mianmian leans close to lan wangji and sighs, “her ears look even lovelier with her hair tied back by her new sect leader hairpiece.”

lan wangji says “mn” because he’s a cut sleeve in love with wei wuxian and has nothing even closely resembling taste.

mianmian, on her own, decides to make them both happy. before the jin clan departs from nightless city, she goes up to wei wuxian and asks for a moment of his time. wei wuxian seems confused but follows and, once they’re alone, he says, “mianmian, are you about to get me into bed, because i must tell you that i am a respectable young cultivator and you’ll need to marry me before--”

mianmian gives him her best unimpressed look (she’s had much practice with it, thank you jin zixuan) and cuts him off with, “i like women.” 

wei wuxian’s eyes go wide. “but you and lan zhan--”

she cuts him off again before he can say something so stupid she has to stop talking to him to refrain from breaking all laws of propriety. “look,” she says, “you’re friends with wen qing. now that she’s sect leader, your brother can’t go after her. i, on the other hand, very much can. if you promise to figure out a way for me and her to get close, i’ll tell you a secret you’ll like very much.”

wei wuxian seems hesitant for all of half a second before he breaks. “tell me.”

“do you promise?”

wei wuxian raises three fingers. “promise.”

“on your sister’s life?”

begrudgingly, wei wuxian nods.

“on her soup?”

“just get on with it!”

mianmian smirks, pushes onto her tiptoes, and whispers the secret into wei wuxian’s ear. with that, she returns to the pavilion where all the sects mingle as they wait to depart, wei wuxian trailing behind her in a daze, his mouth hanging open.

lan wangji, who had been watching since mianmian asked wei wuxian for a moment to talk, frowns nearly imperceptibly. mianmian grins at him and his frown grows.

ah, whatever. she walks over to him, unbothered by the quickly growing alarm in his eyes. once next to him, she turns around to see wei wuxian staring unabashedly. her smile only widens.

“you’re going to thank me for this,” she says.

wei wuxian shakes himself, his eyes focusing, and immediately starts walking towards them.

lan wangji, voice flat but wavering, asks, “luo-guniang, what did you do?”

mianmian laughs, says, “i get to give a speech at your wedding,” and walks away just as wei wuxian reaches them.

(she does, actually, give a speech at their wedding. she may or may not be drunk during it, jin zixuan gets embarrassed for her, and she starts tearing up and has to hide it in the shoulder of her wife’s lovely well-tailored robes. it’s alright, though, wen qing doesn’t mind)

EDIT: now on AO3 with a real fic version from lwj’s pov!

[simeons-sinful-saint]

Summertime Happiness

(OM) Boys (excluding Simeon, Solomon) x GN!Reader

Synopsis: the beach episode

WC: 3.2k

Note: it’s summer, and I miss the beach. I really want to go so I projected it here. I will say this is a part one bc I plan on writing smut for part two and you get to pick which ending you want. For example, you could pick to spend the night with Diavolo or you could choose Mammon. I’m challenging myself to write for each character so we’ll see how that goes.

“Beach! beach! Beach!” Mammon, Asmo, and Levi were chanting in the back of the car.

“Guys, we’re not even halfway there.” You groaned. They had been like that ever since you got to the human world. They then started squabbling about what to do. Mammon then tried to steal Levi’s tablet. Asmo seemed to ignore them completely.

“This would be our first human world beach! Of course, we’re excited. Just think of all the photos I could post.” Asmo was gleeful, the main person who suggested this trip.

“Well can you guys keep it down. I’ll turn this car around if you don’t!” They shut up, leaving you able to concentrate on the road, “You guys are lucky that Lucifer is in the other car.”

“I didn’t know you could drive MC.” Satan was in the front seat next to you.

“Of course! I’ve been driving since I was 16.”

“I’m sure you could teach Mammon how to drive safer.”

“Oi! Quit insulting me!”

“Honestly, why couldn’t Belphie be in my car. He’d just sleep.” You grumbled under your breath.

“I still don’t understand why Diavolo would want to come here when he has a beach of his own. Besides the beach is stupid.” Satan was now complaining. The choir in the back started up again, and you could feel the headache develop.

Instead of listening to them, you turned the music up to drown out the noise they were making.

That’s when Barbatos gave you a call. You answered it hands free, “hello?”

“MC, it seems the young lord would like to visit the nearest rest stop. He wants to see a human world gift shop.”

“There will be gift shops at the beach!”

“You don’t understand MC! I heard rest stop gift shops offer a wide variety of trinkets that the state offers.” Diavolo sounded too excited for you to say no.

“Also, Beel ran out of food, and we don’t want him to rampage in the car.” Lucifer sounded annoyed, probably because he got put in the back seat since Barbatos was driving.

“I’m hungry…” you could practically hear Beel’s stomach growl from the backseat as well.

“I suppose we need to fill the cars up with gas as well. There should be a rest stop at the next exit.”

“Understood. We’ll follow you to the rest stop of your choice.” Barbatos hung up. The music resumed. Hopefully, they didn’t hear the commotion from the back of your car.

You pulled off the next exit to arrive at a big gas station/truck stop. Parking your car at a pump, the others got out of the car to stretch their legs.

“You guys go ahead and get some snacks or drinks. Make sure to get me one too. The others should show up shortly.”

They walked into the shop thankfully not arguing. Barbatos shortly pulled in at the pump opposite of your car.

They also got out, and Diavolo practically ran to the shop with Beel following behind him.

“Lucifer, please don’t let them get into any trouble. That’s the last thing we need.” He nodded already looking annoyed. Upon inspecting their car, you could see Belphie peacefully sleeping in the back seat.

Barbatos walked over with a map consulting you on the best route to the beach. Their D.D.Ds didn’t have human world GPS, and of course, they didn’t have any human world phones to access it (and you weren’t planning on buying a new phone.) With a pen, you highlighted the route after consulting your GPS. You knew that Barbatos wouldn’t get lost behind you, but it was nice having this assurance.

Barbatos then turned around and excused himself from your discussion, heading towards the gas station shop. You tended to both of the cars, making sure that they were filled up and ready to go.

When you saw all of them come back to the car, Mammon was thrown over Barbatos’s shoulder.

“Put me down!”

“I’m sorry MC, but Mammon will be riding with us now.” You didn’t even want to know. Beel now was in your car, which solved part of the headache that was going on.

Lucifer simply texted you:

Mammon tried to steal

You knew that Mammon was going to be harshly punished in Barbatos’s car which he deserved. The last thing y’all needed was for the cops to come and arrest Mammon.

You noticed how many bags of souvenirs Diavolo was putting in the back of the car. It looked like he swept the store clean of everything. Same with Beel but with food.

“Beel, please make sure to not get food everywhere in my car. My parents would kill me if I ruined their seats.” He nodded and kept chowing down on the bag of chips he got.

Satan just shook his head and handed you a granola bar and a soda. Thankfully someone remembered to get what you asked for.

You all loaded the cars back up and set off once more. This time your car was quieter, and you were so thankful for that on the rest of the way to the beach.

—

“Finally! We’re here!” Asmo exclaimed when you parked the car at the condo y’all would be spending time at. Barbatos shortly pulled in next to you.

They got out of the car and met up with you, “We’ll need rolling carts for all of our luggage and supplies. They should be in the lobby’s office.”

Lucifer and Barbatos left to go fetch them and check in to the condo for you.

It was surprisingly easy to get all of the suitcases, beach supplies, and coolers up to the room. You made sure to get a big condo so everyone could get their own room (saved yourself the headache of who will be rooming with who.)

“Alright everyone, time to set up the ground rules!” You gathered everyone to the common room, “Make sure you all remember your human world names. Please do not stray too far from the others. We do have the beach for ourselves here, but the public beach isn’t too far from here. Please be careful to not wander that way. We have an itinerary for dinner and free times. Please do try to behave yourselves over the week we are here. Other than that, we’ll have fun!”

They all agreed and left to go unpack their stuff.

“I really hope we can get through this without any trouble. We’re spending too much money being here instead of being in Devildom.”

—

The sand was nice and warm. The sunlight danced over the waves, making the ocean sparkle. Lucifer and Barbatos already got the umbrellas and beach chairs prepared, so all the rest had to do was get into swimsuits.

Running out to settle down on a chair basking in the sunlight was your first objective.

“MC, you need to apply sunscreen before you sit out in the sun.” Barbatos walked over with the spray on sunscreen.

“Right. I forgot.”

“MC, I can help you put on your sunscreen!” Asmo ran over to you, “Then you can rub it all over my body.”

“Oi! If anyone is going to rub sunscreen on them, it’s going to be me. I’m their first so I have that right!” Mammon was quick to swoop in and grab the bottle out of Asmo’s hand.

“You can’t use that excuse every time. Especially since you’ll never admit how you feel.” Satan was the next one to take the bottle.

“I-I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, you know you’re a simp.” Levi came up to y’all, “O-Of course I will apply sunscreen on you MC. Who am I kidding you’ll never pick me.” You could hear every mumble under Levi’s breath.

“What on earth are you all doing?” It was Lucifer, “they are perfectly capable of putting sunscreen on themselves.”

“But their back! They couldn’t possible read that part,” Asmo flirted, “and I’m the perfect person.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes and took the bottle out of Satan’s hands, “I’ll put on your sunscreen MC”

“No fair! How come you get to do it?” They started to whine. Honestly at this point you didn’t care who put it on you.

“Thank you, Lucifer,” you turned your back towards him so he could apply the lotion on you. Feeling his hand run up and down your skin did feel nice.

The others continued to bitch at Lucifer about it.

“Haha! Your brothers are lively as always.” Diavolo stood next to Lucifer, who only sighed at his comment.

“I’m afraid so.”

Now that everyone was prepared, Mammon, Asmo, Levi, and Beel ran towards the water. Belphie was already asleep on a beach chair. Satan sat next to him with a book in hand. Diavolo was forcing Lucifer to build a sandcastle with him, while Barbatos helped by carrying buckets of ocean water.

A smile grew on your face as you ran towards the ocean yourself with a floaty, finally able to relax and play with everyone there.

When entering the nice warm water, you’re immediately dunked in. Rising back up,

“Mammon! You ass!” You move your hair out of your face.

“It’s ok MC, he did the same to me. He has a death wish,” Asmo looked furious. Every time he’s swim close to Mammon, he would simply swim away.

“Didn’t peg you as a good swimmer.”

“The great Mammon can do many things!” His laughter was infectious, and your anger fizzled out as you see the brothers chasing each other.

“Ugh, what normies.”

“What did you expect to do out here Levi?”

“Well you see I saw in this anime called A Trip to the Beach turns into a romance story and-“

“Forget I asked. I’m surprised that Mammon didn’t dunk you.”

“The water doesn’t scare me.”

“Makes sense. You do kind of control water. I guess this would be the best place to summon Lotan, besides the fact this is a human world beach.”

“Hahaha. I have no plans of doing that. My Ruri-Chan towel and bag would get soaked, and I don’t want that.”

“Right…”

You then heard eating sounds in your ear. Turning around, you see Beel mouth full of fish, “You can’t just eat the marine life here!”

“But I was hungry…”

“Then go to shore and grab some of the food we brought down here!”

Beel took you up on that offer as soon as he finished devouring the fish he caught with his bare hands. You just prayed he left something for the rest of you, lest you have to go back to the condo and get more.

Mammon quickly swam back and hid behind your back, practically using you as a shield.

“Don’t use MC to protect you!” Asmo was coming in hot. You dunked yourself under the water for Asmo to finally catch Mammon and push his head in the water.

Upon both of you returning to the surface, you shook your head to get the salt water out of your ears.

“You pushed too hard Asmo!” Mammon bitched.

“You brought this upon yourself!”

“Can you both shut up? I’m trying to fantasize about Ruri-Chan.”

“Stay out of this otaku!” They both shouted at the same time. Levi clammed up.

“Of course, they think I’m some weird gross shut in…”

“Oh Levi, that’s not true. Just let those two idiots fight and dunk each other under water. Let’s go back to shore and hunt for seashells!” He felt better from your words. Grabbing the floatie that seemed to be abandoned (you’re glad it didn’t float away into the sea), you both swam back and went to dry yourselves off.

Beel was devouring all of the food in the coolers you brought.

“Satan! Why didn’t you restrain him?”

“Huh, it’s not my job to keep Beel from eating everything. That’s Belphie’s.” You glanced to see that he was asleep basking in the summer sun.

“Of course.” You turned your attention back to Satan, “why don’t you come with Levi and I to hunt for seashells?”

“No.” It was immediate and caught you off guard, “I’m at the climax of this book, and I’ll do beach stuff when I’m done. Except go into the water.”

“Still don’t get it, but whatever.”

You grabbed the necessary supplies to gather seashells, and you made your way back to the shoreline with Levi by your side.

“Let’s see if we can find one that’s not broken! I’d love to get to a nice cone shaped one” Levi cheered up.

So far, you’ve only found broken sand dollars and pieces of broken corral, “well this isn’t great.”

“Oi! Why you hogging MC all to yourself?” Mammon always knew how to ruin a moment.

“Hey, Mammon~”

“Y-yeah?”

“You want a dollar?”

“Yes! Giving money to me is an investment-“

You simply placed a sand dollar in his hand causing Levi to practically die, howling about how you got him good.

Mammon just stood there looking like he could turn to dust at any moment. You couldn’t help but laugh.

Satisfied with your haul, you and Levi placed the bucket of shells back at the beach chairs.

“Still reading Satan?”

“Yes, and it’s getting good so leave me alone.” You roll your eyes in response. Levi said he would chill with Satan in the shade, something about getting his daily log on bonuses.

Shrugging, you turn on the group you hadn’t visited yet.

“Lucifer! Diavolo! How’s the sandcastle coming?”

“Well…I tried making a sand sculpture of Lucifer, but it doesn’t look anything like him.” Diavolo pouted. Upon looking at the pile of sand, you tried to hold back your laughter. If this was supposed to be Lucifer, then Asmo should really give him a makeover.

“The important thing is you tried Diavolo,” Lucifer tried to hide his annoyance, but of course he was bad at that (he would never admit it though.)

“Maybe we should take a break, my lord.”

“I guess so.” You felt bad and patted Diavolo on the back.

“You’ll get it right the next time you do it. Here why don’t I show you something humans do on the beach!”

Diavolo perked up, and the three of them followed you back to the shaded umbrella where their beach chairs were. You sauntered off and grabbed four bottles of beer and a bag of limes you cut up earlier (thankful that Beel didn’t eat them.)

You handed them the beer as well as a bottle opener, “Ok, so typically on the beach with this brand of beer, you push a lime into the neck of the bottle. It helps add flavor to the drink of the summer here.”

You demonstrated for them, even though Barbatos was a step ahead of you anyway. Diavolo looked at it all with wonder, taking a sip after preparing it, “Fascinating! Is this really what humans do?”

“Some. I like to do it when I go to the beach. It’s nice and relaxing. Plus, the advertising says to do this.”

“I do have to say, it does add a little aromatic flavor. However, I’ll have to decline drinking more than I already have.” Barbatos handed the bottle back to you. Even though you knew he had his reasons, it bummed you out a little.

“Well Lucifer! What do you think?” Diavolo turned towards his friend who was happily drinking his.

“Honestly, I needed some sort of break after being in the sun for so long.”

“Well, I’m glad I was able to help.” Lucifer smiled at your response, praising you about how you’re always a help to everyone.

You sat down next to them on the sand and just took in the calmness of the beach air, the smell of salty sea water filling your nose. It was enjoyable to have one moment of relaxation.

“Hey MC! Belphie’s awake! Help us throw him into the ocean!” You could hear Mammon from the other side of the beach.

“Your brothers are always so exciting, Lucifer,” Diavolo was laughing and was waiting for Lucifer to laugh along with him.

“More like a headache…”

“I’ll go over there so they don’t bother you three. Remember to get the relaxation you need. The three of you work way too hard, you deserve a break. That goes for you to Barbatos! You don’t have to be a butler here.”

He laughed at your comment, “So noted.”

Satisfied, you ran back over to the others.

“If you like to live, you’ll let go of me” Belphie was trying to fight, but with Mammon, Asmo, and Levi together, he didn’t stand a chance.

“Same for you Beel! Put me down so I can finish my book!”

“Nah, you can finish your book later. We’re at the beach. You should have fun with us!” Mammon had a death wish. They managed to pull Belphie and Satan into the water. Belphie at this point had already given up.

Satan, however, was like trying to bathe a cat. Extremely unhappy about it. He screamed profanities and was about to go apeshit, until you were by his side and holding his hand.

“It’s ok Satan. They just want you to have fun.” He huffed in response with a hint of blush developing on his face.

Finally, all of you were in the ocean, splashing water at each other, seeing who could hold their breath the longest, and float around letting the water massage your worries away.

The fun eventually was coming to a close. The sun started to set, and everyone went to pack everything up.

“Hold on!”

They turned to look at you who has a mischievous look on your face, holding up sparklers in their face, “They’re a lot of fun to have on the beach too.”

Everyone was about to decline until, “Ohhhh, that sounds like fun. I’ll do it with you MC.”

Diavolo started to take sparklers from your hand and went to get a lighter.

“Well, I guess I can do it too.” Mammon said.

“It does sound like fun. Plus, I can take all sorts of photos to post when we get back to Devildom.” Asmo ran to be by your side.

“Don’t eat the sparklers Beel,” Belphie said walking over with his twin.

“W-well it’s a normie thing to do, but if MC wants to do it then I will too.” Levi took a sparkler from the packet.

“As long as Lucifer isn’t going to participate then I will too.” Satan said.

“Too bad because Lucifer has to do this too!” Your words sounded very adamant, leaving Satan with no other choice.

Lucifer sighed but then smiled, “As long as your happy MC and Diavolo.”

You squealed in happiness. As you lit the sparklers, everyone waved them around. Asmo took photos of everyone with theirs. Mammon tried writing words (they didn’t look good.) The rest were happy to chase each other with Diavolo and Lucifer standing on the side. Diavolo was mesmerized by the sparks shooting out, and Lucifer couldn’t help but laugh with him.

Barbatos filmed the entire thing for everyone to remember later. One of the best days ever.

—

After showering, you noticed the night was still young. Everyone was kind of doing their own thing now.

You didn’t want the night to end too soon. Hitting up the town seemed like a good idea.

You sat thinking of who you should bring with you.