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Read two fics on ao3 today by two amazing mutuals that made me Feel Things (tm) you guys should totally check them out too
^ not exactly fanart but I needed to give Emu a hug after what she's been put through in the story (@aroace-polyshow WHEN I CATCH YOU...) and I thought Rui worked best bc of the recent h☆w physical affection starvation post
@theguardianace I hope you know your fic adds 10 years to my lifespan with every update. oughhhfhh they love each other so much I am losing my mind
#i love you guys your fics saved my mood today#take these silly drawings as compensation for less screaming in comments than usual /silly#and as an appreciation for all you do#I FORGOT TO COLOUR EMUS BRACELET SHES WEARING but its already too late just pretend its in colour#its already just symbolic colours anyway bc i am not strong enough to make details todsy#save me my mutuals' fics save me#prsk#prsk art#prsk fa#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#ootori emu#kamishiro rui#kusanagi nene#tenma tsukasa#hollow ☆ wonderland#forgive the low effort#doodles#kerizart
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controversial opinion maybe but it BEWILDERS me when people (mostly americans ime) genuinely seriously with their whole chest complain about how impossibly hard russian names are. like. do a single google search. i don't see how you can comprehend that charles = chuck and margaret = peggy but can't fathom that rodion = rodya. how is this such a huge barrier of entry for people
#and this doesnt apply to ESL ppl or any other ppl who have actual reasons like dyslexia or something#im talking about other americans who go yeah i had to stop reading bc i couldnt understand the names#how are you seeing different cultural naming conventions as an unsurpassable barrier that forces you to quit and give up on ever reading it#instead of an opportunity to learn and expand your narrow worldview?????? and over something SO SIMPLE??????????#like i know damn well yall know a katherine that goes by katie or a john that goes by jack#and those make even less sense than something like aleksey -> alyosha!#there are general rules and patterns unlike english! like the progression from aleksey -> alyosha -> alyoshka -> alyoshechka is so easy to#comprehend i dont understand how its SUCH a common complaint#i definitely understand the struggle of keeping characters straight when they have the same first name#like katerina ivanovna and katerina ospovna in t/bk etc#and of course the names in general are something you have to adjust to if youve never encountered it before! it takes a bit of thought#but its NOT FUCKING ROCKET SCIENCE and its asinine to shrug your shoulders and say welp guess im incapable of ever reading any ruslit!#like ohhh my goddd it grinds my gears so bad#bare minimum effort#anontalks#sorry for rant but i keep fucking seeing this shit and it rubs me the wrong way every time#like yeah its funny that dunya = avdotya and grushenka = agrafena#but richard = dick and elizabeth = betty so who fucking cares read the damn book
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thinking about. i dont know how to phrase this really but. chloe and frank.
like. when Chloe killed Frank i (, personally,) feel like her guilt from it was less because she killed Frank, and More because she Killed Someone (and their dog).
but!!! thats not to say she didnt feel guilty for killing Frank. because she definitely did. because on some level. despite everything. despite all of his shitty behavior. a part of her still cared for him. that tiny 15-17ish year old part in her still cared for him.
because that 15-17ish year old with intense abandonment issues in her only had. a small handful of people in her life that actually cared for her, and when THOSE few people aren’t even doing the best job at it�� it’s no shit that Chloe’s standards for Good Friends are going to be Immensely dropped.
and so. it’s kind of like what happened with Rachel, but WAY less intense. when she found someone who didn’t hate her, and was willing to hang around her—after so so long of people hating her and not wanting to be around her— it makes sense that part of her would kinda latch onto them a little bit.
and so, even after all of the shit she’s learned he did— even when Frank starts to hate her— even when he threatens Max and her’s lives— part of her keeps remembering him as one of the few guys who stuck around when no one else did.
it’s just that. no matter how bad the person— if you’ve known someone for years, and they were one of the only nice people to you in a town where theres like. four people that are nice to you— it’s gonna hurt if you kill them. even if it was self defense. even if it was entirely their own fault— even if you two aren’t on even remotely good terms anymore.
ESPECIALLY for such a sentimental person like Chloe. taking that in consideration it makes me wonder. maybe she didn’t feel bad for killing Frank. maybe she felt bad for killing the person Frank used to be to her. but maybe she realized that That Frank already died long ago.
but yeah. im mentally ill. take everything i said with a grain of salt considering it is 12:07 AM.
#my thoughts are a mixture of coherentness but also just enough of radio static that i cant write much of it out Correctly#but anyways dont you think it’s a little fucked that.#and maybe im reading it wrong but#like.#she really wanted to be friends with him in bts#she was really put that position#god idk#feel free to discuss about the whole. “chloe felt bad for killing Somebody not just frank” thing. that’s not something im 100% set in stone#with LOL. im open to other interpretations of it#that isnt to say the rest of this isnt open to discussion— but that part In Particular is#this post is mostly about how “frank was chloes friend” more than anything#it’s about how. out of the entire town. the shitty drug dealer is one of the guys who gives an actual shit about her#and about how. something happened in between BTS and LIS to make them hate eachother#like YES the 5000 dollar debt but that just CANT be it can it? was it rachel’s disappearance that destroyed them?#or did frank start declining after the whole dameon thing??? WHAT CHANGED THEM…..#anyways im sure im not the first to think of this and im ready to hear other peoples opinions on it#SCREAMING AND CRYING BC CHLOE IS LITERALLY SUCH A GOOD CHARACTER BUT PEOPLE ARE TOO MISOGYNISTIC TO SEE IT RAHGDHSGSHGA#if i had a nickel for every time i said “even” “despite” or “because” in this post i’d be rich#life is strange is a game about tragedy. and. misogyny.#ALSO TAKE IN CONSIDERATION. if u read this far.#that chloe likely met frank Before she was Really Truly convinced that there was zero hope for her to find somebody who cared for her#so it took a lot less effort for someone like frank to leave an imprint on chloe atp of her life.#and also partly why it was So Much More intense with rachel#hoping to god this is coherent#lis#life is strange#chloe price#frank bowers#rachel amber#…. i really doubt it will happen
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I'm never gonna participate in collabs ever.
#besides lszine#this is not bc of my expirence with lszine thats been fucking great#its because every collab i see is catered to digital artists only or just. too high of standards for me.#yes time wise a full drawing and 5k words is probably similar but for me. sculpting. despite taking more time. is so much less effort#so much less energy consuming#and i really just wish digital art wasnt always the default#but theres like. 5 other people who semi-regualarly post traditional/3d works#i dont want to keep having to ask if my art is “allowed”#this is also why i appreciate so much whenever people make prompts or smth and say any human art is allowed.#because im finally not an after thought. my work isnt seen as less important then.#rambles
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Rewatching again, and…
… There's no denying that 'Eliot, Parker, and Hardison' are a 'trio' w/in the team, but I'm also subject to an ongoingly increasing appreciation for the 'Nate, Sophie, and Eliot' trio.
#Leverage#I've ranted about this so much#but to me Nate and Eliot are very familial and Eliot is very much Nate's surrogate son#and he's very much a confidant to the 'parents'#I find their relationships and development very interesting#in a way it almost feels like an adult son getting to know a new step mom and finally warming to her if that makes sense?#Nate and Eliot settle in very quickly and subtly#while Sophie and Eliot take some time getting used to each other and their development is more on the forefront#bc Sophie is a verbal person she discusses and listens and learns#she's outward#Nate and Eliot can communicate silently and Nate and Sophie already had a Thing#but Eliot and Sophie clash a bit and I think it's particularly meaningful in moments where he makes the effort to communicate to her#Eliot is often seen congressing w/ the two of them w/ a vibe that's just Different than Hardison and Parker?#and I love it#I love how well the different familial dynamics are displayed in such an unconventional way in this show#it's a unique look at a found family that reflects a nuclear one very much#none of them mean any LESS to each other than the others but their relationships are all different#and I just really love the unsaid detail in Eliot's relationships w/ Nate and Sophie#he's definitely the left arm of the crew in particular Nate's#and he develops w/ and eventually accepts Sophie#Leverage is an incredible study in characterisation and development honestly#Things You Didn't Know Fire was Into
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not going to lie i do find it quite upsetting that so many ppl think that animals that arent immediately relatable to humans are completely incapable of thought or feeling. and thats the only thing that matters when it comes to animal rights arguments a lot of the time
#like the take of ohhhh Well this animal is smart and shows emotions!!! it might even be smarter than humans!!!#as if that matters literally at all#like the argument abt fish or hamsters or w/e being stupid (wrong) so it doesnt matterrrrr if they dont get cared for properly#as if its ever ok to mistreat animals.#in general the idea around smaller or less relatable animals being worth less is super frustrating#like if u post abt microwaving ur hamster when u were 6 everyones like ‘lmaoooo i did the same thing’#but if u posted that abt a dog….? The Gallows#we shouldnt have to care abt mistreatment of animals bc theyre cute or funny or smart#i just watched blackfish again and it annoyed me how much ppl were arguing abt the orcas being so smart and emotional etc#which is true. but thats just smth that makes their captivity harder. u jnow. like if they were simple and had simple needs it would still#be wrong if they werent met#its just such a huge issue bc of how hard the needs are to meet in captivity#same as like. bears and shit. you physically cannot give them enough territory to stop them going insane#ik theres ppl who believe All captivity is wrong#like my strpmum is one who believes nobody should own Any pet#which is. Imo a stupid argument and not at all sustainable. ppl need companions thats why weve had dogs and cats for thousnads of years#but also they are such successful pets bc their needs are so easy to meet!!!!!#its this misconception that fish or rodents are Easy Beginners pets… in reality they are 100x harder. but their lives are worth less to ppl#bc they dont show love the same way#well. anyways im not very good at expressing my thoughts abt serious stuff#but its smth that rlly upsets me#its frustrating too bc ppl either dgaf abt animals aside from Maybe the cute ones or r too extreme in advocating for the freedom of animals#like u can absolutely give indoor cats proper enrichment. its just slightly more effort#and its not as simple as just. emptyinb out the zoos. READ ABT KEIKO!!!!!#i feel its a very interesting topic. but ppl r very b/w on it#idk i feel the majority of ppl know so little abt animals its like. impossible to get thru#like ok cool u think zoos r bad bc the lions get saddddd. but u also think snakes and bugs and rodents are nothing but disease spreaders#and cant also have complex lives#Tsk. Whateevr
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catch me sobbing bc I'm about to have a desk of my own for the first time since I was like 17 😭
#me spending my entire adulthood taking up as little space as possible#everywhere I'm living in an effort to be less of a burden on whoever I'm living with#now my mom's gone & cleaned out the storage room so I can make it my space to exist so I'm not just isolating in my bedroom#we spent today in town buying shit for the room.... desk & chair & lights etc....#and I'm v emotional about this..... i think it's going to help me a lot to like. actually exist & function.#not to get emotional about my pathetic life on the dash or anything but wow... realizing it's probably not just depression & anxiety#and that I'm actually probably autistic has done fucking WONDERS for me like. taking steps forward again.#actively working on change & like. figuring out how to cope & regulate & not blame everything about my life on myself being lazy adjgksh#honestly it's 7pm but I'm probably gonna set the desk up tonight bc I'm so fuckign excited to get that room set up now oh man...#that'll probably be most of my day tomorrow too tbh. at least until we leave to go watch d-day in cinema 😭😭#IT'S A GOOD WEEK GUYS..... it's gonna be a good week#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.#personal cw
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I’m gonna be pathetic real quick,
#I miss her so much#dealing with a one sided crush on one of my closest friends no less has not been easy#we haven’t really hung out this year not bc of the feelings stuff but bc I was tired of always being the one to plan hang outs and outreach#this has always been our dynamic#she’s just not the initiator type#which was fine at first#but for me the more I put into a friendship the more I expect in return#so it was hard not to take it personally when things didn’t change after we talked abt it#anyway she graduated college today#and idk if it just really sunk in that this is very likely the last time we will ever be in proximity to each other#but something abt it just kinda hit me today#a part of me wishes she had reached out#but maybe this is for the best#I feel I shouldn’t have to ask for what I need every single time#the down side is that knowing that doesn’t cancel out the years of friendship#I’ve always had a hard time letting people go#a part of me almost always cares about them for a long time#it’s hard bc my college experience was largely knowing that while I had friends I likely wasn’t their top choice#or part of their larger group#I floated around a lot which was cool sometimes and lonely other times#but if there was any person who I would have expected or I guess even just wanted to put in more of an effort it was her#personal#rambles#vent#it is complicated navigating friend expectations vs crush yearning#but I like to think that I can be rational enough to distinguish between the two#and so not ask for anything that is outside the reasonable expectation for friends#idk man it’s been an emo day overall ig
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Haha glad to know that my questions/comments aren't too annoying! I have the feeling that Lee did anywhere between a couple weeks of work to a couple months in a day (by Slob City standards) "New guy wtf. Chill the f out. - Amy" Also neat trick Lee did to get actual water! Though that just leaves behind concentrated sticky gunk that will inevitably spill on the floor :P
it might've been a year's worth if he'd started at 9.
Amy probably won't even notice he did it all for months, if she even bothers to check
I don't actually know what his job is, by the way, it can be whatever you want. I am not going to specify because I doubt it will ever be relevant to the plot
re the water stuff, i suppose he'll have to wash his bowl with more soft drink? i expect it's too syrupy to spill easily though (sorry).
the point is though, this method is probably very slow and tedious so you can rest assured he's never going to fill a sink with it, let alone a bathtub (wait he doesn't even have a bathtub or anything big enough to bathe in...)
#I think that chapter took like 2 hrs for me to write#which makes me feel i have less excuses not to write more#but i only have so many hours a day to work on this stuff....#also authors like hearing responses from their audiences as long as they're polite and friendly#admittedly I hate reading feedback on my writing so it takes a lot of effort to open my inbox#but at the end of the day i appreciate it#also: an alternative version of the story would've had amy email him like that but i didn't write it for whatever reason#i can't recall now why probably bc it'd be easier to have someone explain stuff in person to Lee#silentsoullight's asks
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i was so distracted by the bio-essentialism i didnt even realise la’an is wearing the DRESS??????
#????????#is this going to represent her efforts to relax and become more vulnerable#or are they just going to randomly put her in the miniskirt and never explain why#bc like. uhura & number 1 interchangeably wear the trousers & skirt and that makes sense for their characters imo#but LA’AN????? she refuses to take painkillers#i doubt she would wear the dress bc it’d be less practical or whatever#but nowwwww. is she starting to let her guard down…..#star trek#star trek snw#la’an noonien singh
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NO BUT you're so right it was mind blowing to me the first time i learned that people put other shit in my beloved omlet. it's a disrespect to the struggler meal to me
LITORALLY but bc eggs have so many nutrients, they're a superfood, right? And it doesn't take long to make scrambled eggs. It's the perfect struggle food. I'm tired, i'm lazy, but i'm hungry and i need nutrience.
Egg.
#if i'm really struggling i'll make hardboiled eggs bc it takes even less effort but#is it just me or are two eggs scrambled more filling than two eggs hardboiled?#maybe it's bc of the addition of oil#asks
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been feeling mixed on some of my friends recently
#i love them but im gonna explain#i don’t want this to boil over like the twins did#but one of my friends i feel so cast off sometimes#i get it bc shes full time adult job employed now#in healthcare no less#but im just getting fully annoyed at her lack of availability and it makes me sad#im getting even sadder actually bc she also always seems to have time to hang with her uni friends whuch hurts#like im like okay i know you have this from 6-7 so how about we meet for dinner at 7:30 bc i wanna see you casually and she says no#and i think i really need to talk to her bc it makes me sad and then i feel slapped in the face#even on nights out we always have to go home early. which my friend basically said:#i think in future if you wanna go home you can but others shouldn’t have to too#bc my other friend got so sad she was forced to come back early and i was like yea i would have liked to have sat at manly with yall#bc i feel we don’t do this any more#i honestly think it’s better to just let her figure it out and go#i don’t want me to sweep so much shit under the rug until i despise her#bc i know this isn’t her fault i just wish she would let loose or make an effort#my other situation is my childhood best friend#i love her a lot she’s amazing. but but but. sometimes i feel she can be too protective of me.#it comes from a place of knowing me for so long#and i do trust her opinions on people who i surround myself with bc she fucking hated those twins#but sometimes i feel she has been treating me differently since my neurodivergence diagnosis#even with a certain high school friend she held this dislike even when i said she was not like the twins#bc she was hanging out with the twins at the 21st#like this girl was also having her issues with the twins and was the person in the firing line of the breakup#even when i was in nl she was so worried about me and its nice to have her have my back#bc after that guy kissed me directly on the lips she suddenly became concerned about ppl taking advantage of me#and its like to me great she cares but also i did in fact learn from it#but she gets super defensive when ppl take advantage of me and i just wanna her to step back#i just feel sometimes i don’t need her feeling like she needs to protect me or that i need to hang neurodivergence up like a flag#idk its a lot. thank u for listening
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So which is it? Did Bruce treat everyone like that or was he only super mean to Steph bc of the writers? Like I’m tired of the excuses being made, if it was one and done whatever but the way Bruce treated steph did impact her story and then changing stephs personality to golden retriever blond doesn’t change that at all lmao
#fans when the character flaws are socially unacceptable 😖😖😖😖#like yeah a lot of tim and Bruce’s writing did reflect racism classism and misogyny of the writers#that doesn’t make their impact on the characters they were talking to any less racist misogynistic or classist#and i genuinely think choosing to ignore it in order to preserve ur image of ur white fave whilst completely changing the way steph Duke#Damian cass etc. behave is more racist than the writing#this is just to me#to ME changing the things tim said and making Steph a ditzy Girlboss blond is more misogynistic than ANYTHING they could’ve written#at least they had a point where growth could happen and the possibility to give Steph a backbone#y’all just say tim is a coffee addict and go#and It’s the personality shifts that bother me the most#like this most recent Damian is ass sorry#like in canon making his relationship with Bruce good or closer than it actually was….#and ppl saying Bruce changed post death like no he hugged Damian once lmao#like that didn’t change a damn thing between them before#and if it was presented as codependency and trauma bonding whatever but it’s not they just act like he was always a difficult fave#which fuels racist fans who already thought that even more#yuck#and every single personality shift that happens is to prop Bruce up and by extension tim bc the meanest thing dc does to him is nothing#like y’all think tim is most hated NOT true#he’s badly written in the sense that his personality becomes being the perfect soldier for Bruce#which y’all play into by doing the same shit downplaying everyone else but making him pissed about it#get real#if I see another fic or hc about how Damian actually can’t withstand torture or needs Tim’s help to hack smth 😭#y’all can’t stand that Damian IS talented it’s so sick like his whole issue is that he’s a kid with kid emotions who knows how to do all#this shit and mentally knows he ‘should’ behave differently and fails in an effort to go towards that bc he doesn’t take him still being a#kid into account UNLESS it’s an advantage. saying ur a better writer than dc by saying Talia was play fighting? ok…#when ppl are like ‘Talia/Ra’s would never respect a kid enough to do XYZ…’ THATS THE POINT!!#anyways sorry tiktok vid pissed me off this went everywhere
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looking up info on keloid scarring is so helpful. thanks man I didn't think of trying that one
#well actually that kind of is relevant bc ive been trying to find more info abt tattooing keloid prone skin#which is effectively opting to wound urself. but everywhere is just like if ur keloid prone ummm. Don't do it 👍#theres not enough known abt keloids to predict if theyll be triggered or not by the healing process like it depends on so many things#i mostly get them from acne scars. but they dont always immediately appear sometimes its weeks or months after#n once u get them theyre permanent. treatments for them have a 100% rate of recurrence n will grow back bigger if u try to excise them#and they cant be tattooed over like other scars bc they dont hold ink n the irritation can cause them to get bigger too#it depends a lot on the tattoo artists skill/experience ig like u have to know Exactly how deep ur tattooing + how the wound will heal#bc if healing triggers keloids. well ill just end up with permanent scarring instead theres nothing i can do if it happens#which honestly might still look cool but its unpredictable bc they tend to extend past the original wound. n it wouldnt scar uniformly#urgh. i should probably talk to a gp n an actual tattooist abt it. i could ask to get like a rly small tattoo to test how my skin reacts#pointless thinking abt rn anyway cuz im not gonna get one any time soon i have some other shit to sort before that#but it would be so frustrating if i cant i have so many tattoo ideas i do rly want them.... :-(#ah well whatever.. im just procrastinating doing shit i need to crack on bc i cant spend another entire weekend doing nothing#after a month n a half of being on meds i feel like theyre becoming less effective. my task paralysis n focus is getting worse again :(#like its taking more and more effort its been rly noticeable at work. hoping its just bc of general mental health or poor sleep or smth#and not that im building tolerance or smth bc man. what else can i even do if that happens#this is gonna make me miserable to think abt so lets go do smth else!#at least i woke up feeling tons better today 💪💪💪 storm passed baby#.diaries
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it’s finally getting cold enough that i can bring my cardigan collection back into rotation without feeling like i’m gonna melt into a puddle the second i step outside!!!
#Seven.txt#my face#i have rematerialized back out of the void to once again make my once-in-a-blue-moon selfie & life update post#i’m running on 4 hours of restless sleep and the single banana i ate for lunch earlier today. let’s do this#hrrrrg i hate the lighting in my bathroom but i refuse to take pictures in the absolute Mental Illness Disaster Zone™️ that is my bedroom#anyways. got diagnosed with Mystery Pain Syndrome at the dentist today. so now i take ✨steroids✨#the less funny explanation is that my tooth still hurts with pressure nearly a month post-root canal and That’s Not Good#so we’re trying some new medications to see if that fixes it. and if not then who knows. root canal pt.2 the sequel. or extraction. sigh#and so the Dental Saga continues. todays visit went quite well in spite of the unforeseen mystery pain delaying the tooth-shaving plans#we had some time to kill so he managed to fill some of my other tiny cavities while i was there today so that’s good#okay moving on. what else. uhh. OH they finally came out and ran the fiber to the house last week!!! now i’m just waiting on one more-#-guy to come and finish the interior install and the long awaited fast internet will finally be mine eheheheheeeee#now i can feel my hours upon hours of unedited gameplay footage breathing down my neck :)#man i’ve got so much stuff piled up right now. i’m drowning in Tasks and it’s a lil overwhelming but i’ll handle it all! eventually#uhhhhm my current writing project is coming along well! i’ve never put so much time and effort into a oneshot before in my life#its a labor of love though and i think i’m gonna be really proud of myself (and the fic) once it’s complete#even if no one reads it bc it’s so goddamn self indulgent and kinda lowkey throws canon out the window but like. fuck it!#if i want Astarion to write a song on piano and perform it for me while mentally taking me on a trip down memory lane. then so be it#fr though i’ve never written anything quite like this and i rlly want to do it justice. even if its unrealistic i still want it to be Good#in other news i received word that one of the chickens i sponsor at my local Gentle Barn has passed away so i had a lil cry abt that#i feel so bad for his little tiny chicken wife. they obviously loved each other and it’s like. so sad when one half of an old couple dies#like. she pulled him out of his depression after his 1st wife died. now who’s gonna be there to pull Her out…#anyways let’s not get all sad about that again. in happier news my cat who i presumed died/got killed has returned home uninjured!!!#after that huge stray dog chased her into the woods i thought we’d never find or see her again#but then the morning after i started grieving her she showed back up hungry as hell yet completely unharmed like the enigma that she is#so that’s one definite highlight from earlier this month. uhh what else. rapid fire summary of the past few weeks let’s go-#Jersey turned 10! Bullet turned 10! my 6 year Veganniversary happened! i’m approaching 700 days on DuoLingo!#i’ve written more than 20 thousand words! i’ve been facing some fears! fighting my OCD! taking care of myself! (kinda!)#anyways things are far from being all sunshine and roses around here but i’m trying to focus on the good stuff for the most part#for now tho i have a headache and have reached 30 tags so it’s time to go shovel some mashed potatoes into my mouth :)
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Soon...
#we're actually doing individual pictures this time bc composition is hard and we dont. want to do it#also bc these ones now take up more paper due to Bonus Effort which means less bugs to a page#bug fables#hollow knight#ocs#other peoples ocs#drya#tiktik#preview#our art
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