#bc it makes him valid but also makes me wonder and internalize this feeling

[gem-de-lune]

SM Boycott/Protest Check-In Tarot Reading

Covering the company reactions/feelings abt the protest as well as relevant developments.

Disclaimer: I am not God.

Deck used: Book of Shadows Vol 2.

How is SM feeling about the physical protests?

6 of Swords

King of Pentacles

Okay so generally I do believe the protests were successful in that after a dark time seeing such a solemn sight (the death wreaths) they are witnessing how much love and support Seunghan actually has around the world. So in general they see this effort to protect someone in the protest, they see it as a valid reason to be protesting, and they respect it to an extent now.

How is SM feeling about the boycotts?

5 of Wands

2 of Swords

They feel quite different about this. It's very conflicting. They see the actual srriousness with this one. Even if they think it will lead to some further conflict - and I do think they don't necessarily see it as a long term threat- but it is messing with their engagement. They are thinking about this logically and how it will progress if nothing is done. They're also making moves to counter this.

That being said, it's not a worry, it's an annoyance and they are just not 100% it will stick and are weighing out if they even want to find out. That is how they feel about the international stores not stocking stuff and lack of engagement/follower loss. They wonder if it's necessary to go so far. They are also wondering if this will carry over into other SM artists' merch, engagement and content over time. For now, they are just observing and taking countermeasures.

How are they feeling overall about the public outcry for Seunghan's return?

9 of Pentacles

Ace of Chalices

They are lowkey pleased? Or proud? I think a lot is coming through regarding the fact that Seunghan was wrongfully pressured to be kicked out and bullied very harshly by being sent those wreaths. They are in a position where they understand the public sentiment and why they are on his side. There is more empathy here and they see that if he did come back plenty of people WOULD spend money to see it (the employees who said intl fans don't spend money on blind basically eating their words like idiots). Their perception of the situation has shifted positively and in favor.

How does SM feel about the potential return of Seunghan?

Knight of Pentacles

I believe they support it. They think it would be a better long term investment than relying on keeping fans who always cause trouble happy. They think they can build something good if they take their time to access things instead of being so quick to fall back on important decisions due to blatant bullying the way theybdid in the first place.

Now I'm going to do a detour bc I was asked if Lee Sangmin has a roll in this/him being sussy on his sns.

How does Director Lee Sangmin feel about the potential return of Seunghan?

6 of Pentacles

Death

He does not like it. Really nasty vibes here. He feels as though Seunghan has been given enough grance despite his "crimes". Also, some of yall asked me about his post- something along the lines of someone needing to be a sacrifice for the rest to survive. The Death card is a confirmation that this is what he thinks about Seunghan and his situation. Just very like...old morals/beliefs about the situation, and I think it's because SM's solution has always been to kick people out. It's just very not good overall.

So this is an indicator that yes he likely had everything to do with convincing Seunghan things would get better for the others if he just left. Ew.

Do the other "playmakers" agree with him?

The Emperor

3 of Pentacles

"Playmaker" includes any employee at SM who has a significant** say in whether Seunghan can return- more so than the company's collective. So there is an overbearing energy here. I will preface this by stating i did have to restart this entire reading at some point due to issues- and when i first pulled for this question the exact same vibe was present so I am being very fr here.

Basically, with the Emperor and 3 of Pents here, do they "agree"? Yes? It's more like they agree as a collective because of the overbearingly dominant opinion of Lee as a leader/dictator type role. So, do they as a collective agree? Yes. But it's not really collaborative the way the 3 of Pents usually is. It's overseen by the Emperor, who demands his opinion be favored.

Would they agree if not for Lee's influence?

The Hanged Man Reversed

So yeah, no. Collectively, they would flip the dial on it's head if they did not have to cater to this person's opinion. They would vehemently resist being swayed otherwise. It seems the other people involved prioritize the members at the end of the day but Sangmin is obsessed with cutting his losses. They would like to resist if they could do so but they also may not be aware that they very well can.

Detour is now rerouting back---

What effect will Riize's return have on the "playmakers" and the fact that they are swayed by Lee?

The Devil

8 of Swords

10 of Swords

This is very much akin to being slapped awake. Even though Lee Sangmin has a lot of influence, the issue is that the company still runs on logical arguments. The employees are much more worried about getting fired or targeted than Riize, and Riize are much more likely to open their mouths against something.

So essentially I can see the other playmakers kind of retracting on their stance after hearing what Riize has to say, i think they will really have no arguments because they will be so thorough. I mentioned in the members readings that Sungchan and Eunseok in particular are better with their words for this- I think this will be very significant and what they have to say will be very very significant. Sungchan in particular is coming with every argument prepared. Eunseok is more so in charge of relaying how everyone feels in a mature and logical way. With this in mind, it's very likely the playmakers will open their eyes and shed their handcuffs here.

Will Lee Sangmin change his stance on Seunghan?

10 of Wands

He will have no choice to unless he wants to look old and senile. I think the fact that he has such old ideals and outlooks on idol drama is coming into play here. He is holding onto what he thinks is appropriate while everyone else watches and shakes their head. He is scrambling to uphold these principles, but everyone else is already out the door, leaving him behind. He will hold on, but for how long and at what cost? He will be the last one trying to uphold his opinion alone, and it will be burdensome.

Most likely outcome overall?

Strength

Knave of Swords

Idk if yall remember- but this is literally the pull I had regarding the feelings Riize has for OT7 Briize....coincidence? I think not...

Lets trust them. I'm going to leave it at that for this pull.

Final notes:

Let's be patient and wait. Let's not speculate tiny hints anymore that stress us out. If i do not reply tobyour ask regarding hints or confirming them anymore- its not bc i disagree- but because i want to limit talking about them now even if i do agree so that the people who are anxious and visiting my page do not fall into that hopelessness. Because some people do not know how to accept only positive information and absorb everything positive or negative to their own detriment.

Anyways, i think we just need to have faith, continue supporting the boycott and Seunghan, and wait.

Please eat well and take breaks from updates, guys. No Twitter doomscroll. I'm so serious. Go watch Corpse Bride or Nightmare before Christmas. Just chillax.

Stay healthy and happy babies 👶

RIIZE IS 7!!

[dnpbeats]

emma i would LOVE to hear every parasocial thought u have about the kids thing because i’ve recently had. many of my own parasocial thoughts. so feel free to share <3

okay 🤭🤭 disclaimer: obviously i don't know d&p personally so this is just me making assumptions based on things they have said in the past. also goes without saying but if u don't want to have kids that's 100% valid and no one should have kids bc they feel like they have to due to society's pressure 🫡

sooo basically when dan posted the dystopia daily episode i was kinda surprised ngl bc there were multiple instances in the past where he for sure wanted to have kids. and like, obviously it could just be the case that he did genuinely want children when he was younger and then he changed his mind and that's all there is to it. but part of me does kind of wonder if like. his wanting to have a family was born out of either

a) internalized homophobia and a desire to be as "normal" as possible in society's eyes. like okay he's gonna have a husband instead of a wife but he can still aspire to the white picket fence and a dog and 2.4 kids you know?

b) desire for stability and a family that offers unconditional love which we know dan did not have growing up. obviously you can get that in other ways besides having kids, but that's not so obvious as a teenager/person in your young 20s, so it might've felt like the only way he was gonna get a stable family was if he made it himself by having children

so then like. if either/both of those are the case, then those wouldn't necessarily still be issues for him in 2023. so then he doesn't have that want to have kids anymore

so anyway okay lol that's the parasocial thoughts, my other thoughts are just me raising an eyebrow at dystopia daily 😂 because basically. on the one hand i don't wanna be like "well obviously he was just making jokes and he didn't actually mean anything he said 🙄🙄" but on the other hand, i do think that DD was very much a doom and gloom amped-up persona so i take everything he said in those videos with a grain of salt. bc also when phil answered the question about if he wants kids in this video he says, "I'm not sure, I dunno, I think so! Maybe at some point [...] I think I'm gonna look at the world when I'm like 47 and be like, 'Do I wanna bring a little Phil into this?'" and like, i feel like if dan truly was adamant about not ever having kids ever, phil wouldn’t even entertain the possibility you know? though of course phil is phil so maybe he just didn't wanna outright say no i'm not having kids 😂 idk. so this is all to say, i don't think d&p are like gonna go find a surrogate two seconds after they get back from tour, but if in 7 years they were like "oh we adopted a kid" i wouldn't die from shock lol

[transmutationisms]

Hello Kendall babygirl anon here again. My follow up question I guess is I wonder what you think of Kendall’s other notable traits/proclivities and how they tie into what you describe as his immediate emotional vulnerability. Like his servility / his need for purpose / his interest in suffering if and when he can identify its purpose and how that might relate to his tendency to display his emotions more readily than his siblings.

Side note re. your tags: you don’t read as a Ken hater to me just bc you actually seem to get him lmao. The ppl babying him are not understanding him the same way so it doesn’t feel as real to me but obviously I’m not here to be a cop about to the validity of people’s love for a fictional character. It’s all valid. Just interesting to see the dichotomy!

ohh see this is a fun way to crack open ken's head imo. yeah i do think his way of displaying emotions is related to his other characteristics. obviously, logan always saw his emotionality as weakness. i'd disagree with logan's way of understanding people, but i think kendall's way of expressing emotion is definitely connected to his larger constant need for validation, which is fundamentally coming from the fact that he has no stable identity and no intrinsic sense of self-worth. he has a hugely inflated ego, but it's always one pinprick from popping; there's nothing solid under it. he seeks out suffering because he wants it to somehow redeem the total emptiness he feels within himself, and he still hopes that if he suffers enough or in the correct way, it'll give him access to some deeper meaning in life that's always eluded him (raised catholic). whereas someone like shiv has a sense of herself internally, and has reasons to suppress her emotions in front of others, kendall's lack of identity and chronic feelings of emptiness sort of just make everything come bursting out of him (snot, tears, shit, etc). and this all also speaks to the way he'll sometimes swing wildly between wanting to be punished (or punish himself), and wanting to take over waystar and prove he's better than his father. they're both ways of trying to make sense of himself and the world, and to give himself purpose and solidity. he's emotionally incontinent because he's psychologically fragmented and insubstantial.

[badaziraphaletakes]

Hi!! (Im so sorry if im annoying u guys, I just like this blog sm ok😭)

I just wanted to say that I have been relatively new to this fandom, since season 1 came out, and it was great! It felt like a space for asexual amd neurodivergent ppl, and I loved all the fanartists and theorists (still do) but after season 2, and I have a confession to make here, I too was on the "anti aziraphale" bus, properly boarded, seated and all. I know I didnt indicate that in the post I made, but I didnt self identify as one, I just "agreed" with what many of the crowd holding those setiments said. Why? My dear fellow, it was simply because of poor self esteem! I related alot to aziraphale, and so seeing those posts, where ppl talked abt traits( he and I share), like his love for his interests, his exaggerated movements, his anxieties, and seeing ppl dismiss them, or make fun of them, or call him "an emotional idiot" as that one lovely person said, well it felt like looking in a mirror, because those were the exact same things I said to myself! I told myself all those things, that I didnt deserve forgiveness from ppl I loved, when I made mistakes, I told myself that I should "tone down" my excitement for my interests, and the rest. I found myself mentally taking notes, and altering my behaviour, after reading those posts, bc hey, I hate myself for having those traits, and it looks like other ppl hate this one character for having those traits too, better "shape up" and "do better" yknow?

I stopped following thise blogs, but I still seeked the posts out. Why? Bc it felt "good". It felt like my negative self talk was being validated. It felt like I "finally" found posts that wouldnt "mince words" and be as mean, and rude as they possibly could be to him, because that was "what he, and anyone else like him deserved." (Im not saying that the ppl who made those posts said that, im saying that I made myself believe that I deserved that)

Maybe I shouldnt have internalized what the posts said. Maybe I shouldnt even care all that much abt a single character, I mean obviously the ppl who made those posts werent thinking about me were they? They werent targetting me, so why did I feel all that much. It didnt matter how much I rationalized it, at the end if the day I was making myself miserable, but it felt familiar, so I kept at it

I found this blog, and it felt.. so surreal. Like ppl were defending aziraphale? Ppl were giving him, grace? What? And then I read the analysis and responses that u guys gave, and realized that I also had biases, and I found myself giving more empathy to aziraphale, and then I found myself extending that same empathy to myself. I also started going to therapy also, and I realzied that no, I made mistakes, but I am human, forgivable, that my interests arent things to hide, but rather things that make me happy, and that I shouldnt be harsh to myself bc of that. It all progressed slowly, but I could feel myself becoming, happier. I didnt hide my excitement, I didnt tone down my "exaggerated" movements. I started treating aziraphale's character with love and lo and behold, I found myself loving myself too.

I have bad days, I still do. But they are lesser in number now. Whats the point of this long ass ask? Well, I want u to know that u guys are essentially teaching ppl to be more empathetic towards others and sometimes towards themselves, by being being empathetic towards aziraphale. U are telling people like me, indirectly ofc, to love who we are, and to give ourselves grace. And that while aziraphale (and ppl like him) maybe flawed, that shouldnt warrant hate, but rather understanding. U guys are wonderful, and I promise u, u guys are helping❤️

Im sorry to whoever that person was that left, im sorry that they were harassed as I am sure, those werent ur intentions. But what I am trying to say is that u are not making this fandom more toxic. U are helping people. U guys are a breath of relief in the fandom. Pls remember that.

(Sorry if this is too long to read, or too emotional, ive been in a bit of a mood I suppose, and being vulnerable like this is terrifying but agsjsgkahsbs what can one do, have a great day!��)

My dear, I'm so humbled to read this. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. As an autistic person, watching Aziraphale ever since 2019 has helped me unmask a lot, so I totally understand how the bad criticism towards him may have pushed you into masking yourself. It does hurt 🫂

I'm so happy that we've helped you on your journey and that we even helped you seek therapy (everyone should and every time a friend tells me I helped them get there I feel like I won in life). This is what we aim for here in this space, this is what makes it all worth it.

Thank you for the reassurance, it is very much needed sometimes. We want to fight toxicity, not contribute to it, and feedback like yours is very much needed to know we're on the right path. We hope to bring comfort for those who are feeling harmed by the situation.

And of course thank you SO MUCH for sharing your feelings with us, this is the juice we need to keep going 🩶

And finally: remember that you are and will always be good enough and that you deserve better. And no matter what, be yourself! Good luck and we're glad to have you on our train 🥰

[dearweirdme]

I feel sad for Tae, this is obviously a stunt and I doubt he agreed to do it for clout and exposure, he didn't seem happy to do it and he is not feeding it in any way so that leave of some other options, I think it was more about providing a cover for tk, I don't think it's a coincidence that it happened just before both of their solo debut, jk's being international makes things more high scale too, so jk is also benefiting from this without dealing personally with the hard stuff, I won't argue that this has made tae even more popular but he's being attacked constantly, people making everything about him about this woman and prepared to make his hard work about her too, calling him a coward and making fun of him with 5k likes, always being on the news bc of "dating" it's also not necessarily a good thing, your fans calling you a liar and thinking that you are ball less when you are one of the bravest ppl out there mustn't be nice, ppl insulting even his family and this situation created a bunch of ppl obsessed with his privacy and personal life, like some army won't admit it on public but they have whole gcs for gossipping and he is the focus, and all bc yg and hybe are using him for this media circus, and this all before caring about his artistry and considering how Tae has been acting like him posting that wake up song tht has a clear message just after the Bruno Mars concerts when all the social media rockus was about tn, him coming out of the airport and doing a live immediately to show us that he is alone....yeah I doubt this doesn't bother him at least a bit, he is someone with a lot of integrity, what I'm saying is that it pains me to see the situation and it started to annoy me to see everyone benefit from it, jennie and YG, jennie is being victimized big time in twitter and every critisism done to her about stuff like her actions and lack of effort in concerts it's pin down to ppl 'jealousy' of her dating Tae, no critisism is valid now even the ones coming from her own fans and ppl are super defensive of her, even more than before, and jk too....this lifted some of the gay rumors just in time for his international debut ( I don't think this is coincidental) and I know this bc when Jennie dropped those pics so many comments from different accounts not even armys or shippers were ppl cheering bc 'tk is so not real' and ppl thinking in what should be just a typical gay kpop ship first thing everytime those rumors break tells me that deep down a lot of ppl thought or feared that there was some truth in tk and are relieved and happy that it's being 'debunked', I guess this is part the goal, a bit of protection for the both of them but yeah I don't like it that's Tae just dealing with all the bad stuff and jk only getting the benefits, at least that's how it looks bc obviously we don't how he feels emotionally but facts are facts and the one dealing with the worst of all is taehyung, lots of new ot6 accounts, ppl didn't leave jk bc of this rumor as much as tae, ppl aren't calling him liar and a pussy in mass scale, he doesn't have to see his face on the news bc of dating rumors, he is seeing it bc of the success of his music that hybe pushed ( which I think it's really deserved bc he has worked hard his whole life) but things don't look fair to me in regards of Tae,how fitting it was Tae saying that he would take the responsibility sometimes I wonder if that's the dynamic of their relationship.

Hi anon!

Yeah, this is the worst part of being in showbizz really. I agree that Tae probably isn’t unaffected by this, though I hope he has maintained a bit of distance from social media. The way it looks now, I think he agreed because it’s a fairly short stunt (only one walk for him, and the rest is mostly done by fandom) and it probably allows him more freedom in the long run. I feel his post with the Disney hoody is rather pointed. Reclaiming his true self a bit. I don’t think it’s been mainly to hide Taekook, but rather to make it seem that he (also) dates women. I’m quite curious to see how the launch of his album will go (in general, but also regarding this).

I don’t agree that Jk benefits from this without doing anything himself. Jk has been deemed ‘straight’ the last couple of weeks because of Seven. He didn’t need Tae to do Taennie, since to most of fandom and the general public Tae and him are just friends. They’ve successfully hidden that way for years now, and only now something like this is happening. I really suspect it’s because of Tae’s album, and because he wants to be able to be more himself in general. People are sadly enough more inclined to accept/ignore a hint of queerness when a man very publicly dates a woman. We’ll see soon I suppose, since his album is probably going to be released soon.

I think Tae and Jk are very connected. Jk’s tears when Tae’s grandmother died tells me that he is not immune to Tae’s hurt at all. I therefore think that Jk will also have hurt because of this Taennie thing. If not for himself it will have been for Tae. There’s no benefit in standing by while your partner is rumored/shipped with someone else. That hurts! Jk is also a very feeling, emotional person.. it took him quite some days to come on live again after the Paris stuff. You don’t come this far in a relationship (that is already complicated) by letting one person carry the brunt of it.

[yuukei-yikes]

Ok after your whole “shintaro misogyny” “shinaya?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??????!,!,?,?,?,?,?,,,” rant (loved btw, Jin stop making ur female characters rely on male counterparts, stop making your male characters hate women or believe they are incapable challenge), how do you feel about Kanoshin. I know you have talked about it before but like, idk, talk about it again lol.

Kano “I can fix him” Shuuya? Or Kano “I can make him worse” Shuuya.

JQKEOEKDWODIEID MY WHOLE "SHINTARO MISOGYNY" AND "SHINAYA?!?!?!?!?" thats so funny i didnt MEAN for it to be a rant. i was just venting 💔 BUT THANK U FOR LOVING IT BC I FUCKING LOVE TALKING ABOUT THAT BECAUSE I HAVE SO MANY BOTTLED UP FEELINGS.

man. kanoshin. i dont think they're an i can fix him or i can make him worse duo. i dont think they are together FOR each other, they're together for their personal gratification if that makes sense??? at least that's how it starts. like they rly feed off of each other's worst coping mechanisms and validate themselves thru that. but through doing this obviously cant help to get to know each other and shintaro is pathetically laughing at kano's jokes and kano is pathetically kicking his feet and twirling his hair at shintaro groaning pathetically on the ground abt god knows what (NEVER forget this novel 7 moment)

also its so funny how often in the novels shintaro just physically throws himself on the ground to start moaning and groaning whenever he gets embarrassed. he's such a fucking freak. like who the fuck does that

shintaro and kano in the seventh novel are so insanely gay it's SO fucking good. THE BIT WHERE SHINTARO SMILES AT KANO AND KANO'S LIKE HUH...THAT'S HOW HE USED TO SMILE AT AYANO... HE ALWAYS HAD THIS SPECIAL SMILE FOR HER, AND NOW HE'S SMILING JUST LIKE THAT TO ME... like GIRLLLL *EXPLODES THEM WITH MY MIND* there is seriously no heterosexual explanation for any of that. god the seventh novel is so so so good. all of them are so good i wonder why it's the least consumed kagepro media they're SUPERIOR. the novels my #1 forever i fucking love them.

anyways. im normal erm kanoshin hehehehehehehhehe i think they're both far too terrified and disgusted abt their feelings for each other to consider stuff like "i can fix him" or "i can make him worse" YOU GET WHAT IM SAYING??? on this subject specifically, shintaros self hatred comes from well everything bitch hates himself but if we're talking abt kanoshin. 1. its ayanos brother. even if we dont even look at shinaya ever being romantically involved in the first place, THIS IS WEIRD TO HIM. 2. internalized homophobia arc☝️☝️☝️🙏🙏🙏👍👍👍👍💯💯💯

the fic i drew fanart of a couple days ago is SO *EATS IT EATS IT EATS IT* or also a soulmate au that i havent read in aaaages and also never finished but in that one shintaro was already out as bi... sadly both are aus WHICH DOESNT make them bad, aus are awesome but the things I'd do for content like that set post str. please. *bite bite bite bite bite* srry i bring these fics up cuz hehehe internalized homophobia shintaro is so good

maybe kano would eventually set for i can make him worse but it's in an attempt of scaring shintaro away. he's like im gonna self sabotage so much to make sure he stays away from me but shintaro is STILL here looking pathetic and kano's like god DAMMIT. erm. yeah.

btw now for me being crazy (tw me using shintaro as a stress toy to make me laugh): i think post str shintaro is not AS BAD with being absolutely fucking insufferable abt his whole guys rule girls drool thing because my man's had a little time to grow (ignores shinaya chapter in the eighth novel so i don't go insane with anger). i think post str shintaro makes 1 sexist comment and the entire mekakushi dan just fucking freeze for a moment. and give him an intervention and force him to say im sorry women and ever since then is more mindful of his actions. sorry i have to be delusional and believe this or else I'd just fucking hate his ass. im sorry shinaya i love you but *burns novel 8 shinaya chapter*

shintaro's messy relationships post str is my favorite stress toy btw. relationship with ayano crumbles. starts WHATEVER THAT IS with kano. in the self hatred confusion and internalized homophobia and etc the situation causes him (situation being gf dumped me bc im selfish so i hate myself / i kissed a boy a couple times so i hate myself) he desperately turns to the next closest Female(?) Counterpart with the following thought process "Pfff well i am so straight and SO capable of holding a normal relationship and i can PROVE IT there is one person who is 1. girl enough 2. apparently okay with me being a selfish asshole and consuming all their energy with my bullshit". so the solution is obvious to shintaro. just date takane.

turns out hitting on your best friend who also happens to be ur other best friend's gf is not good for either one of these relationships. so his friendship with not only takane but also haruka crumbles too in response and its so awkward. takane bc 1. i dont feel this way abt you and I'd treat the situation sensibly if i didnt know you well enough to know you dont actually like me that way and ur just taking me for granted like youve been doing all this time which WAS pissing me off and on its way to eventually explode but THIS....??? and haruka 2. YOU JUST HIT ON MY GIRLFRIEND?? (shintaro would be like maaan why did you tell haruka. and harutaka are like *slam door on his face*) situation drives shintaro to possibly end up kissing kano again. 🤨

its so hilarious. to me at least. ITS FINE he will get over it and makeup with everyone but i like making him suffer 👍 this is what you get shintaro. What do you have to say to the women in the world. apologize. say im sorry women. say it. say it and I'll leave you alone. sorry i went a little crazy in the end

[minipisi-is-dumb]

alright so. tails and eggman are the only two characters that are canonically gifted/ND in the sonic universe but they're Really interesting ways to see how others perception of gifted people is like and how it impacts the silly furry story i am the normalest about it btw not like you care

so i just have other observations abt it because it's funny mainly eggman rn ive been thinking abt him a lot

this is also a long post and im not even a fraction done ok ive issues

(also abt this im talking about canon not coding and Oh Boy do i have words for sonic and shadow as gifted-coded and how much the narrative of just being born "gifted" compared to others or the entire Literally being made For This is used in fiction but im not. gonna talk about it. not today. soon.)

look i like to compare eggman and tails a lot bc they're fundamentally parallel between each other and their relationship w sonic n all that jazz that we know but LISTEN!!!

eggman has been diagnosed very obviously for plenty of years already and since it's very usual for people to be prejudiced against it i actually find interesting that he is so so self absorbed into his genius persona and being more invested into keeping that idea on others mind.

so okay listen words are funny. giftedness is a way of asynchronous development in the brain where some parts develop "quicker" than others (compared to most brains) and is not exactly fun all the time

a good analogy i like is about "mental age" (which was acc a predecessor of the idea of IQ!) where you have people who are chronologically, say, 12 years old, but their emotional regulation is alike to an 8 year old but ALSO their intellectual needs are the ones of a 19 year old. yeah. it gets like that.

so a lot of time in children it's the classic (super harmful) "hypermature" mentality that sees them and keeps them in that pedestal (yes this has to do w sonic still) and adults are usually seen as less mature than their peers, more child-like and less apt to be actually functional people in everyday live n that causes issues because part of the giftedness of it all is that the creativity and child-like wonder is a fundamental part of how our brain is wired wether we like it or not. so that "childish" part is always seens as less from the outside and DUDE YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I ADORE EGGMAN

LISTEN TO ME eggman is textbook evil villain for kids entertainment franchise and also good foil for sonic and tails mainly Oh no we're not just talking abt that we're talking about symptoms here and i LOVE how some of them is clear he learned to accept and live with and others not

actually Eggman's got to be one of the coolest depictions of an evil gifted man istg. the man might be an evil mastermind n probably has killed so much people that lily orchid would cry in her sleep abt it and he's also hyperfixated on killing a funny blue furry but look he knows what he is and he OWNS it

Oh, the prejudice is that gifted adults are too childish? Too creative for their own good? Too self centered? Jokes on THEM Eggman just created 5 new badnik models based on the same worm and they all look sick also did you see Eggman's logo plastered everywhere like a kid putting stickers in every place they can???? YEAH

Oh the prejudice says that gifted adults need to be overachievers and have a million accomplishments to be validated? suck to be you because sure eggman has his doctorates hanging around but he really just has an elevated ego. he would call himself genius for making a coffee at the temperature he likes, he would call himself genius because of internalized shit but also he would just. let himself be. if anything he's not thinking about being or not a genius for himself, he's more focused on maintaining that mythos for his enemies so that he feels some sort of power (ah yes chronic need of control my beloved)

listen the ways funny brains ar wired make it so that there's an illusion of omnipotence through the sheer power of will. that "childish" part is so so fundamental because it comes back up even if repressed every time there's threat. every time a basis on any self perception is perceived, a "child-like" attitude is taken and everything is blamed on someone else or is reflected in a need of over protection, control and blaming others for any situation. you guys can see how this relates to Eggman or have i finally lost it

also that one cool af detail where he blames his frustration everything back to an outsider force uh listen im joking here but im very much sure that Eggman's gotta be one of the funniest depictions of a gifted adult that feels so. Yeah i can see where he's coming that's kinda what i mean.

uhhhh i have so many more thoughts but it's too long and also words are hilarious and also shut UP i just like Eggman as the funniest gifted man ever bc he just shows so many symptoms and plausible ways his ND affects his life. it's clear that they just wanted to parody the idea of an evil mastermind being annoyed by children when the games started and therefore gave him both the 300 is thing and the immature behavior to like mock him n such. but literally shut up i can do whatever i want i can take characters however i want and he is canonically ND so ill hold him to that standard anyways

[chamomillles]

wait

[xcziel]

Aaaaaa like, the very first line!!! it's so beautiful and perfect ...

With the gossamer shock of a bubble popping, Wu Xie burst from dawn-touched stillness into chaotic light and noise.

is it wrong to think someone is maybe getting a little into their pangzi-week feels?

Something in him settled with the touch, present and past realigning themselves with the smell of leather and the warmth of solid muscle. It was impossible to be lost in then around Pangzi, who was such an overwhelming force of now. 

this is such a relatable thing, am i comforting them or comforting myself that i'm at least offering *something*?

Wu Xie kept one hand on his shoulder, a useless comfort that probably did more for Wu Xie than for Huli. 

aaaand there goes the knife in right under the ribcage ...

Zhang Qiling finally met his eyes. The grief that lingered there was a well-worn thing by now, the edges rounded and softened by being passed between the three of them. "I don't have enough memories to get lost in."

!!!! iron triangle feels!!!!

We're going to fix it," he told him firmly, pushing the force of his certainty at him, because if Zhang Qiling was retribution, Pangzi was reckoning, and Wu Xie, of all roles, found himself forced to be their restraint"

god, so much of this i love to pieces but most especially the kind of hushed, intimate urgency of the little ... tableaus, i wanna say, where eveuthing is carrying on but the characters are carving out these little spaces in the narrative to communicate the really important things, it's such a physical feeling of a break in story i just... it's SO great

Intersection - Fox of Nine Tales

Chapter 17 is up at AO3!

[helliontherapscallion]

Hello! Um hopefully this is ok but can you do a platonic poly relationship with tech reader and philza? And one day the reader comes over to there abode with a basket full of sweets and pastries (muffins bread ect-) also cottagecore quiet reader please she/they pronouns

Thank you! :D

(A/N): I’m back yall! Sorry I’ve been gone (in terms of writing/request doing) for so long, I just kinda lost motivation to write for a bit

Ok so you’re childhood best friends with Technoblade

You two met when you accidentally bumped into each other in the village by the sbi fam’s house

You were calmly along the cobblestone path when a cute dress in a store window caught your eye. You kept walking, but you were eyeing the dress as you walked by it. It was just your aesthetic: a vintage ruby red dress with laces tying the two sides together, a floused opening to the bottom of the dress, and puffy white sleeves. It looked like it was in your size too. It was absolutely perfect.

Just as you were about to walk into the store to check out the price, you bumped into someone and fell to the ground behind you. Looking up, you saw that the person that you bumped into was also on the ground looking at you. You saw that the boy was about your age with fair skin and long pastel pink hair tied into a messy ponytail. Peculiarly, he had small tusks poking out from his bottom lip, floppy pig ears on the top of his head, and crimson eyes. A piglin hybrid perhaps?

Feeling a small blush work it’s way onto your face, you quickly got up and held out a hand to the boy. “I am so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going! Are you okay? Here, let me help you up.” 

He looked at your hand for a bit before he grabbed it with his own and allowed you to haul him up to his feet. You looked him up and down scanning him for any injuries he might’ve gotten from the fall. Luckily, it didn’t look like he got hurt. The boy looked down at his feet and bent over to pick up the picnic basket and the few muffins that dropped out of it. Putting the muffins back in, he handed the basket back to you with a small smile and a blush of his own.

“It’s really no problem, I’m fine so it’s no harm done. Actually,” he chuckled awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck, “I wasn’t looking where I was going either. I got distracted by that sword in the window.” He pointed with a thumb over his shoulder at the armory shop next to the dress shop. In the window was a shining golden sword glimmering in the bright sunlight. If you squinted, you could see a sign that said that it had a high level fire aspect and looting enchantments. 

“Well, it looks really pretty. I don’t know much about swords, so maybe you could tell me about them? I’m (y/n),” you gave him a small smile and stuck out your hand once more. He shook it with a grin, “Technoblade.”

That was the start of a beautiful friendship with him and his family

You met Philza, his father

The avian was extremely excited and happy that his quietest son finally made a new friend

He treated you like you were his own daughter

You might as well be a part of the family with how much you came over to babysit Tommy or to just relax with Techno

You always bring over a basket of baked treats/pastries whenever you came over

Lemme just say, the family feasted and always fought over the last one

When you started to come over at least once a day for a bit with a basket full of sweets, Philza had to pull you aside and ask you to slow down a bit with the treats

“Hey (y/n) could I actually talk to you for a second?”

“Sure! Tech, I’ll be out in a sec.” The piglin hybrid curtly nodded and walked out the back door to the backyard. You smiled at Philza before you set the basket down onto the table and started to put the rolls onto a plate.

“I know it’s not much today, I didn’t have much time yesterday to bake.”

“That’s fine, but it’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Oh?” Internally, you began to panic slightly. Oh Ender, you didn’t do anything bad did you? You couldn’t think of anything you did wrong. In fact, you actively avoided any wrongdoing or talking to strangers. Oh no, were you accidentally rude to someone?

“You aren’t in trouble,” he smiled lightly when he saw you slump in relief, “I was just wondering why you always bring over baked things. Don’t get me wrong, they’re delicious and we really appreciate that you take the time to make us things, but we kinda have a little too much. Maybe slow down a bit with bringing them over?”

You felt an embarrassed blush spread across your face as you nodded and put all your focus into transferring the bread rolls over to the plate. “Sorry Phil, I just bake whenever I’m stressed or bored and I just have a lot left over after I give some to my family.”

“And that’s completely valid! Just maybe don’t bring over so much, breaking up the fights with Tommy, Wil, and Tech just gets a bit much at times,” he grinned and clapped a hand over your shoulder.

As the years passed, you and Techno only grew closer

You taught Techno how to do meticulous neat braids in his hair while in turn he taught you some self defense

Mans makes sure you can properly and efficiently wield a sword and shoot a bow and arrow 

Poor guy can’t lose another friend

When he moves to the tundra, he invites you to live with him but you reluctantly refuse

You had Tommy and Wilbur to look after in L’manberg

Being pissed at Schlatt when he exiles them

Following them into exile leaving behind shocked Manbergians 

They didn’t think you were capable of the screaming, let alone such profanity

Practically launching yourself at Techno when he agrees to helping Pogtopia

Him making sure that the withers don’t harm you, even going as far as hitting them and luring them away from you

Staying with Techno after L’manberg is reinstated under Tubbo’s rule

Starting to dislike leadership and governments in general after Tommy gets exiled (again)

Convincing Technoblade to let Tommy stay with you two

Absolutely hating governments when the Butcher Army places Philza under house arrest and rolls up to your guys’ house and takes Techno and Carl

They lock you in the house, but you pick the lock with the bobby pin you kept the bandana pinned to your hair with 

You follow them to L’manberg and break down when you see the anvils crashing down onto Techno

Screaming profanities at the Butcher Army and taking out your sword to attack them not noticing when Techno runs away safely

Philza watching everything from the balcony and cheering you on

You almost take away one of Fundy’s (whom you considered to be your nephew until the whole Butcher Army incident) lives before you feel a sword slice your arm and an arrow shooting its way through your thigh

Turning, you gave Tubbo and Ranboo the fiercest glare you could as you were standing over a half-dead Fundy with a sword dripping blood hanging at your side

You, the soft spoken and sweet one that gave everybody baked goods wherever you went, screaming profanities at the festival and the execution was scary enough, but this?

Absolute nightmare fuel, gonna stick in their minds for a long time

You attempt to fight them but you lose and end up with injuries too severe for you to continue fighting

Philza being the one to yell at you to go home to the tundra telling you that Techno’s alive bc of a totem of undying 

You felt kinda stupid after that, Technoblade never dies (you often half joked that he was immortal like Philza)

You limp home and get met with a bone crushing uncharacteristic hug from Techno

He patches you up after reassuring you that the blood on him wasn’t his (he tells you about the duel in great detail)

In turn you tell him about your 3 v 1 duel, feeling a bit dejected bc you ended up losing

Him being literally so proud of you for facing 3 people at once, but also scolding you slightly for going into it blindly

When Philza moves in, everything feels complete and fulfilled (at least to you)

You help Philza clean and dress his damaged wing

Also helping him do some physical therapy so that he could at least move it

Comforting him whenever he felt down about not being able to fly again

You invite him and Techno to cook with you and it surprisingly ends up better than you expected it to be

When Tommy betrays Techno, you and Philza end up being the only ones he could fully trust (later slowly adding Niki and Ranboo to the mix when The Syndicate is formed)

You are Harpocrates when The Syndicate is formed due to your quiet nature

Philza and Techno fully 100% supporting your decision of not wanting to reveal your identity

At the second meeting you show up with a full mask covering your face and the opposite of what you normally wore (more of a grunge type beat)

Only communicating in nods and writing at meetings, living up to your nickname

You never reveal your identity to Niki or Ranboo

Pleasant late night conversations around the fire with hot chocolate and your baked goods

Techno still lets you braid his hair (sometimes you even put flowers in it) from time to time

You braid Philza’s hair when it gets too long

Braid chains when yall get too bored? Hell yeah 

Ultimately, you three become a strong family unit (goals)

General taglist (comment if you want to be added):

@crybabyjabby  @izzybobizzy13  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @bunnyz-pxstel  @averytiredfanfictionwriter  @dcml04  @sparkling-gayyyy  @bbigbbrainn  @thaticecreambish  @kiinokochii  @satansphatass  @bxkubitch  @bxmentchildxx  @roxy3457  @montygator17  @feverish-dove  @the-fictionwriters-hairdo  @jichuuchaeng  @404rynnotfound  @luluwinchester  @laura--444  @the-cult-classic-bitch  @youngstarfishdinosaur

[iamnmbr3]

Can I sign up for a Disney- Service where I pay them not to put out any type of new content or interviews? Bc wow I am tired of this show and I’m tired of Mike Waldron shooting his mouth off and spewing grossness. But here we go again. He’s given another interview and I am once again left wondering why Disney had to hire him and not...literally anyone else. Like if they just grabbed a rando off the street it couldn’t have been any worse and statistically it probably would’ve been a lot better. 

"I knew that I wanted to position somebody opposite Tom, opposite Tom's Loki, who had the same energy in a way, but also a totally different energy, that female energy”

Female energy??? Can someone please tell Mike that "girl" isn't a personality trait. Remember when I talked about how Sylvie isn’t a good female character because she’s physically strong but not strongly written? Remember when I talked about how she’s an empty “strong female character TM” who is a woman first and a human second because she’s not a good character who happens to be female but rather a character whose defining and only personality trait is her gender? Yeah.

"But it's one thing, I guess, to be narcissistic and to think you're great and everything, it's another thing to really believe that, to project that outwardly. It's another thing to really believe that and to actually practice self-love and everything. So if the show is about Loki falling for Sylvie a little bit, the hope was always that maybe that it's also about him learning to forgive himself." 

What. No really. WHAT. Mike’s pathetic attempts to justify his ridiculously bad romance and also pretend like he didn’t straight up lie to us about Loki learning self love are hilarious. this makes NO sense. huh???? This is just a really bad attempt at damage control. Loki doesn’t learn self love. He never says anything positive about himself. The show frames him internalizing other’s harmful messages about him like that he is a villain and a pathetic loser as something positive. What has he learned to love about himself? Mike has yet to be able to name one positive trait he has. His hatred for Loki is so obvious. And how is loving Sylvie him forgiving himself???? she didn't do any of the things he did???? This makes ZERO sense.

"He is just a character who doesn't like to self reflect, and would rather pontificate, and would rather scheme, because he's good at it, because he's very clever. "

Really? He would rather pontificate? Another comment that seems to indicate that Mike really didn’t watch Thor 2011. Remember how the opening scenes established how SILENT Loki is and how he is constantly spoken over? That’s a big part of his other and victim coding. The way Mike constantly shames Loki for speaking is very disturbing given the way Loki is Other coded. And also given the fact that he is now canonically queer. Why must the Other be silenced??? 

“And when faced with an actual mirror of himself, he sees things that are attractive and that he empathizes with. He also sees things that are broken and wounded, and it helps him understand those very things in his own psyche" 

Wrong. But also? Where? Where is that in the show??? This never happened. He’s just lying here.

"I mean, he has done terrible things. That was part of the work that the first episode had to do, was hold him accountable for that, sort of lay him bare and everything. And the journey that he's been on has been one of reckoning with that. Is it possible to atone for that? I think Loki's still trying to figure that out."

Terrible things? Huh. Kinda like Thor. Remember when he slaughtered all those Jotnar while laughing (which was considered totally acceptable in his culture)? Remember when Odin slaughtered and enslaved thousands? Remember when Loki was motivated by trying to PREVENT a war? And. Remember when Loki was captured and TORTURED by Thanos? Also. The first episode didn't do that. The first episode was about things he hadn't done bc it was him seeing his future. AND FURTHERMORE the TVA can't hold him accountable bc if what Loki did was bad then the TVA has no moral high ground bc what they did was orders of magnitude worse. And if what the TVA did was ok then Loki didn't do anything wrong. Why does the TVA get a pass for their horrific acts of evil???

"I think, for me, that's one of the most important scenes in the show because this is a guy who has been driven by glorious purpose, by the feeling that everything he does is in the service of his grand destiny."    

So Mike really just watched that glorious purpose clip and decided it was Loki’s whole motivation huh? What an idiot. So much for the Loki Lectures. Obviously this guy was asleep during them and didn’t bother to watch Thor 2011 either. You know, the movie all about Loki’s backstory and motivations. Guess he also missed the fact that Loki is LITERALLY KNEELING when he comes through the portal and looks awful bc he’s just been tortured is very obviously repeating the stuff Thanos told him while breaking him. Loki is not motivated by believing in a glorious purpose. He cries when Thor tells him to look at the destruction in Avengers. 

And in Thor 2011 he is motivated by wanting to avert a war and also more deeply by his desire for love and validation. He never wanted the throne. He wanted to be Thor’s equal. He has a mental breakdown and tries to kill himself when he comes to believe that he is inherently monstrous and that he can never earn his family’s love. LOKI IS DEFINED BY HIS LACK OF SELF ESTEEM AND HIS SELF HATRED! That is. The opposite of what Mike has said. Also Mike contradicts himself. Is Loki someone who is arrogant and needs to learn his purpose isn’t glorious or is he someone who needs to learn self love? It can’t be both. What a disgusting, victim blaming, abuse apologist lying hack.  

“In that moment, he sees that no, it was his destiny to get his neck snapped by the bad guy he was working for"

Excuse me? Working for??? Loki never went back to Thanos. He died sacrificing himself to save Thor. WTF!!!?!?

[epicene-humanoid]

some trans Jeff thoughts:

he realized he was trans in elementary school and just went fuck it I'll just start introducing myself as Jeffery and see if anyone decides to stop me (as we know, jeff winger can get away with almost anything)

he got top surgery the second he could afford it (around the same time he started at his law firm), and probably bribed someone to keep it a secret

"I'm jeff winger and i would rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with" are the words of a man proud of his transition

he's really insecure about his fashion sense, which is why he mostly dresses like the douchey guys at his firm in the start of the show, he thought you can't go wrong with the sleazy lawyer look

he will never admit it but he feels super good about the dean hitting on him, because the dean is a (cis) guy, acknowledging that Jeff is more manly than him

i think he starts out stealth and comes out to everyone one by one, probably starting with abed because he knows abed won't judge him and will probably just see it as an interesting backstory.

abed just says it's cool and maybe worth a prequel exploring Jeff's transition, and jeff asks him to predict how all of the members of the group will react to him coming out.

abed's predictions:

britta will be over-the-top supportive and do a ton of research about trans history, probably put together a slideshow just to prove how progressive she is, and jeff will be a little bit weirded out, but also touched that she did all that for him, though he would never let her know that

shirley will be confused, because she doesn't know how someone she trusts and knows so well could be part of a group she was raised to hate, but ultimately realizes that there's nothing actually against the lgbtq people in the bible, and, as a cool character development arch, starts to advocate against use of the bible to justify bigotry

troy will just think it over and decide that Jeff's physique and coolness are even awesomer knowing how much work he'd had to put in to be like that, and respects Jeff's manliness even more

annie will give him a hug, say something sweet about how she'll always love him, and worry about his health, because even she read somewhere that taking testosterone makes you more likely to have a heart attack, jeff will explain that the risk is still only as high a cis guy, and she'll be the one to always remind him to take his shots

peirce will say at best say "jeff winger used to be a chick?" and at worst call him a slur, either way there's sure to be a lot of misgendering from him, and pestering to know Jeff's deadname (needless to say, Jeff just doesn't tell peirce)

the whole group goes out of their way to keep their beach trips a secret from pierce (the girls don't want him there anyways, he's too liable to be creepy) even though jeff knows that even if pierce saw his scars, all he would have to do is make up a story about some childhood accident and pierce would never question it

sorry this ended up being super long. can I hear some of your headcanons for him?

YES ALL THIS!!! yes yes i’m fully accepting this as canon oh my god

i’m about to type a whole ass ESSAY at midnight because i have been DYING to talk about this for months ajfdksljk,,, this is going to be obscenely long and i might end up adding even more to it as i continue to rewatch the show because there is truly no shortage of trans jeff content (especially when you’re trans and see transness in every little thing ajdkslfkjs)

spoiler warning for literally everything about this show under the cut <3

i 100% agree, i feel like he realized he was trans super young, especially since in the show we see him as a little kid a couple of times. 

like look at little jeff with the oversized sweatshirt and little ponytail!! that’s childhood trans fashion. not to be dramatic but part of me thinks that jeff’s dad left before he fully came out to his family (which gives him even more angst about it, because until that one Thanksgiving episode, he’s never able to prove to his dad that he’s a better man), but part of me thinks that his dad left after he came out (which adds that spicy i-should-have-stayed-in-the-closet guilt that he has to work through). 

either way, because his dad wasn’t there, he had to base his concept of masculinity on something else, which was becoming a lawyer!! there’s some line that’s like “after the dust and divorce papers were settled the only man i looked up to was [the lawyer guy]”. like, replacing your father figure in your mind with the concept of “a job where you can talk your way in and out of anything and distort other people’s concept of reality”? that’s trans.

 and the fucking THANKSGIVING EPISODE... i struggle to watch it without crying hehe <3 yeowch! the dichotomy of willy jr. being the “wrong” kind of man because he’s “too soft” but jeff also not being enough despite adhering to all the social standards of masculinity... fuck!! this whole scene of him telling his dad “i am Not well adjusted” and talking about how he gave himself an “appendix surgery scar” when he was a kid and he still keeps the get-well-soon letters from his classmates under his bed? oh my god. the implication of people loving him not despite his scars but because of them?? trans. i can’t think about this episode for too long or i’ll start yelling.

OH and this scene? where he talks about how his mom got him a girl costume for halloween?? and everyone said “what a cute little girl” and after a few houses he stopped correcting them?? and “once the shame and the fear wore off, i was just glad they thought i was pretty”?? THAT’S TRANS... the man needs validation oh my god... and then in all the halloween episodes we see he has these ultra-masculine costumes (a cowboy, David Beckham, one of the fast and furious guys even though he never watched the movies, a boxer with his DAD’S boxing gloves... god) costumes are about becoming something else and he always chooses to be hypermasculine and that is trans.

THE PHYSICAL EDUCATION EPISODE!!!!!!! being uncomfortable during P.E. is a queer experience. period. but him being specifically uncomfortable in the clothes someone else is assigning to him? trans. “are we gonna talk about clothes like a girl? or use tapered sticks to hit balls around a cushioned mat like a man?” TRANS. and him eventually stripping in public? celebration of transness. and the fact that he eventually becomes comfortable in both the uniform and his own style!! trans!! god i love this episode. 

AND AND AND!!! the gay dean coming out episode!!! where it’s the three of them discussing the best way for the dean to come out as gay despite not entirely identifying with that label!! so we have both frankie and the dean who are sort of ambiguously queer, and jeff who’s a stealth trans man who’s probably only out to only the study group at this point. this scene where the dean and jeff have this like eyebrow communication while frankie is talking is just so cute. queer-to-queer communication. “I am so curious” “oh?” “intellectually.” “oh...” ajfdksljfk this scene just screams high school GSA to me and i love it so much.

and SPEAKING of the dean!! i totally see you on that. i feel like jeff has some internalized homophobia/biphobia (like he’d throw punches over someone else, but when it comes to himself he has a lot of shame). and also seeing the dean so confident in all his different outfits/costumes has a weird affect on him bc it’s like “okay, the dean, a cis guy, can do that, but i as a trans guy could Not because that’s Breaking the Rules”. which, like, throwback to the halloween thing. of course there’s no right way to be masculine, but mr. winger does not know that.

another thing!! the episode where their emails get leaked? that includes his emails with his therapist. fuck!! he was outed to the whole world in that episode!! no wonder he was so fucking angry!! this whole episode (and really any time he mentions his therapist) is so interesting when you think about them as a person he talks to about his transition. OH which adds to the thing with the dean!! “and you told your therapist you wanted to be alone this weekend” and “not you jeff, i know you’ll be visiting your dad” ”I told you to stop reading my emails”. luckily his study group has his back and just makes fun of him for emailing astronauts lmao

and WHO can forget “they’re giving out an award for most handsome young man!!!!” what else is there to say about this line besides: he’s trans. you know he didn’t get awarded enough for being a handsome young man when he was a kid, and no amount of compliments when he’s fully-grown can really make up for that. some people crash a kid’s bar mitzvah to cope with the fact that they struggled to be seen as themselves when they were a teenager <3

also his weird relationship with pierce? where he kind of hates him (understandably lmao) but at times has this almost-friends-almost-father-son relationship with him? especially in this episode where he’s forced to bond with him and ends up having a good time by accident (at a barber shop no less, the perfect place to Be A Man with your Man Friend). idk what to say about him besides the fact that pierce says his mom wanted a girl when he was born and made him dress like a girl (and his middle name is anastasia!) so if they’re gonna do any bonding over transness it’s gonna be that. 

okay one last thing and then i’ll shut up for the night. this episode kills me (and almost kills jeff hahahahelpi’mcrying). it’s a very Trans thing to not be able to visualize your future self, it just is. growing up trans at the time he did? i don’t know what kind of future he saw for himself, but i’m so happy that he ended up with a group of friends who became his family and love him the way they all do. i’m so emotional over this asshole it’s ridiculous. 

in conclusion:

they’re trans, your honor <3

[radiosandrecordings]

like. logically I know Jon was just being mean when he said "I didn't want him to get chopped up but someone had to" because of how guilty he always feels about people getting hurt because of him. but on the other hand I can't understand his logic because after all he did send Martin to look into Angela knowing (or at least being fairly sure) that the statement was real because he's always suspected the statements that only go on tape are real. I always wonder if I missed something listening to these episodes because it seems really weird to me??

I think there's two stances you can take here and mostly I think of the first which is like... This was an early episode line where I don't think they'd fleshed out Jon, Martin, their relationship or the storyline as a whole yet enough to know quite what this would implicate later down the line. So it's one when you come across it you can kind of squint at because it's just a little messy and you can tell it would be changed in "TMA Draft #2"

But, it being a part of the text it can be analysed as a part of the broader whole, and I think from the perspective it could play a bit into Jon's sense of gallows humour? It's not so much that he uses jokes to deflect dark things, it's just that he for some reason has the worst timing for his comedy and I adore that, always managing to crack a joke at the worst possible moment, "Third degree maybe?" my beloved. Could be a case of that, where he's trying to mask how anxious he genuinely is by making this joke, and honestly being a little bit of a bully by punching down. It's the kind of comment I don't think the Jon we know in later seasons would make but it's the one we get then, whether that be up to genuine character development or just his characterisation being figured out from a writing standpoint.

Also asked @pocketsizedquasar for their thoughts and they gave this interpretation!

"I mean even if he internally believes that the statements are real, he has yet to admit that to anyone and honestly probably yet to even admit that to himself. And he’s still on tape, which even this early on we know he thinks means something is Watching him/he needs to Perform for that something. So for me it’s just like… Jon making a genuinely offhand (but still shitty) joke about a person he doesn’t like. I don’t think he believes (or wants to admit he believes) Martin is in any genuine danger; he’s just joking in the manner that someone who thinks all this is a load of bullshit WOULD joke abt it, either bc he genuinely thinks at this point it’s a load of bullshit (bc repressing his own belief in the supernatural) or because he’s performing as a person who thinks it is"

Which makes a lot of sense because it's utilising his shitty humour but also the amount of false face he puts on in S1 where you can never quite be sure what's Jon and what's The Head Archivist Of The Magnus Institute, which is who Jon thinks he should be and seems to perform as on tape until he lets the pretence drop for the first time in 39.

I think another interpretation, which is a little flimsy but still valid I think, is that because he says here he did deliberately choose Martin, who he thought of at the time as incompetent, he was trying to protect the assistants? He needed the case followed up, but if he did truly believe in it, or even consider the possibility, it would make sense that if he needed someone to track down a dangerous old lady he would deliberately choose the person least likely to actually find her and thus put themselves in danger, rather than Tim or Sasha who he sees as more competent and thus could genuinely stumble upon this old murder lady. But again that's a stretch, but one I find interesting.

[mithliya]

I know this is an old topic on your blog now but I just saw the anon taking about polilez being etiologically r/t womb envy and I wanted to agree! as a former inadvertent polilez (sorry) my experience was like. i grew up in a very accepting area of the US and knew a lot of gay/lesbian adults as a child, didn’t have internalized homophobia, only liked girls as a kiddo, had my first “gf” at 11, never really paid attention to guys. was out as a lesbian by 13 among friends, but started being attracted to men as well around 16-17 like right before I discovered radical feminism. also at that time started getting harassed at school by an older guy with a history of violence against women and so really doubled down on being lesbian because I thought it would ward him off, because I had a hard line “reason” to turn him down that was beyond my control. i was scared of him.

spoiler alert he “transitioned” on a Tuesday and on Wednesday was asking me to come over and cuddle again bc he was “suicidal”, and I think at that point it being “lesbian” became very political for me, I was terrified and so angry at the lengths males would go to to violate women’s boundaries, and having just finally accepted and understood the innate nature of sex that, yeah it felt like the enlightened thing to do to affirm homosexuality. and honestly calling myself a lesbian was my way to really validate to myself (was still very involved with “queer activism” at the time) why it was okay that I still really didn’t want to sleep with this person, because, even tho now I know it was because he was a creep and an abuser and a rapist, if I were bisexual, what excuse did I have to not entertain the idea besides genuine bigotry? even though I had been radicalized I didn’t want to disrespect trans people and didn’t want to be the bigoted evil terf that I had been warned about.

obviously I was a kid and just needed practice saying no, but IG my point was for me claiming lesbianism was my way to feel like i could justify being a terf to myself and also because as a bisexual people just assume you “don’t care” about someone’s genitals which is in fact not true lol. the dude transitioned back immediately after graduation, is in jail for assault now. Can’t help wonder if he’s trying to transition again to go to a woman’s facility :-/

anyway this was long winded but basically I just had this misguided notion that being a lesbian would protect you from predatory male behavior when in fact I now understand it just makes you an even bigger target. and also that it was the only “valid” reason to be GC in my own head because I believed that it would be easier to defend my views on sex and gender if I had the authority to say “look as a lesbian I’m not attracted to you.” was also totally wrong about that as y’all receive the worst of the worst IRT backlash about dating boundaries. and there are one million other reasons to be GC besides not wanting to date/fuck trans people but because I was so afraid of being bigoted it was the only one that seemed “safe” to me. no need to publish this if it’s confusing or stupid but haven’t talked/thought about it in a while. Ok done. love your blog and think you’re amazing :-) keep fighting the good fight

your experience is quite interesting to me bc i do hear many bi & het women argue they call themselves lesbians bc it provides them some safety / means they don’t want to fuck men and dont want to explain not wanting to fuck men even tho their sexuality doesn’t bar them from it or sth, and to me i didn’t rly get it bc 1. just bc ur into men doesn’t mean ur obligated to fuck them 2. just bc ur into men doesn’t mean u should want any man possible. ur allowed to have boundaries too! 3. claiming to be a lesbian doesn’t actually provide any security. maybe maybe in the most progressive gay friendly place ever or something but even then i doubt it. so it’s definitely interesting to hear from someone who had that perspective and realised through experience that for men “lesbian” is just another variation of “try to change my no into a yes” to them. also i can say from my own experiences that when we’re teens, our idea of sexual orientation and sexuality can be quite dumb and skewed so i don’t fully blame u here. some of my feelings about sexual orientation back then made absolutely no sense and looking back im just like -_- ok how on earth did i buy that bullshit

[caneannabelle]

ok hi guys. it’s been a while. i wrote this analysis back when Mag 187 aka Checking Out aka The One Where Helen Dies first came out and literally ever since i’ve posted it i’ve wanted to redo it because it feels. lacking. listen if there’s one thing i hate it’s incomplete media analysis and i must right my wrongs lest i be forced to look upon myself and crumble from within. that being said, i’ve been putting off this rewrite for a long long time bc Life Gets Weird. tldr this was written over the course of several months so i apologize for inconsistent quality. anyways let’s get into it!

part one: recap!

it’s been a while! let’s just go over what happened. the scene i wanna focus on in particular is this one:

VICTIM

You’ve got to help me!

ARCHIVIST

[Angrily] Don’t touch me!

[THE ARCHIVIST PULLS AWAY, AS THE VICTIM FALLS AND IS CRYING]

HELEN

Oopsie. Not so easy, is it? Keeping up your humanity?

(187).

that being said i’m gonna be kind of all over the place but! i do think that’s a good jumping off point.

part two (part one): disparaging everyone’s problematic fav

in my original post my point was that in reflexively reacting to a victim with disgust and anger jon inadvertently reveals the nature of his dedication to helping victims as ego driven, especially because this line is directly preceded by him asserting his moral high ground over helen as being a “protector” as opposed to her indulgence in destruction. what i’m saying is homeboy has a savior complex. honestly there’s a lot of evidence to support that claim but i think the most obvious example would be jordan kennedy. like.

JORDAN

…Yeah. But wrong. Sick.

What did you do to me?

ARCHIVIST

I helped you.

JORDAN

Helped me? I don’t feel right, I, I just – Ah! No I don’t – argh! I don’t want this!

(184). to be clear it’s an action with a good intent! he just wants to help someone who once helped him! BUT it also demonstrates a lack of conscious empathy. i feel like i don’t have to argue this since jordan Literally vocally said he didn’t want this several times throughout the scene but the point remains that while jon’s intent is good the actual application of his saviourism removes the autonomy of those he affects. i’m not gonna touch on the “is it objectively immoral to become an oppressor for the sake of self preservation while existing within an extreme system in which all are oppressed regardless of your individual status” query mostly because i do not have the brainpower available rn to come to my own conclusion about systems of power and the way they’re represented in tma (which is a whole other rant tbh) but jon DOES rob jordan of the ability to come to his own conclusion in this debate and make his own choice, thereby removing his autonomy. you know. autonomy. free will. the thing that is central to jon’s internal conflicts. huh.

anyways i NEED to stress that i’m not saying that he’s the same as jonah or the web or even annabelle (although annabelle is a victim. no i don’t take constructive criticism). i just want to point out that his actions reflect a lack of understanding. while he’s able to empathize with the pain others experience and is eternally hyper- aware of it he is unable to view that pain through any lense besides his own and uses it in his cycle of self pity and blame, minimizing it at any point possible in the quickest way and Not prioritizing the wishes of the victim but instead the efficiency in decreasing his own guilt. anyways back to 187- both the victim and jordan are treated as props by jon (and helen) and once they serve their purpose in reaffirming the two’s sense of self are cast aside and ignored. ok from here i’m gonna get conceptual and self indulgent bc it’s my analysis and i get to bring up vague convoluted philosophy.

part two (part two): part two

let’s talk about the distortion for a sec. i refuse to believe helen and michael were both completely gone and it was just the distortion piloting their visage, mostly because… like that’s not what the text would indicate

HELEN

Michael isn’t me. Not now.

ARCHIVIST

What happened?

HELEN

He got… distracted. Let feelings that shouldn’t have been his overwhelm me.

Lost my way.

(101). it’s heavily implied that there was SOME remainder of michael in there, even if the being wasn’t him. maybe i’m way off base here but the way i interpreted the implosion of michael was that it was driven by his inability to maintain the repressed resentment and anger he had for gertrude. like it’s pretty clear that some warped version of michael’s feelings were trapped inside of the distortion and i’d go as far as to say that they were integral to his formation as it. i’m gonna operate on the assumption that michael and helen are two separate beings here for a sec even though we know they’re not. As opposed to michael’s resentment for the archivist, helen actively sought refuge in the institute and from the small amount we saw of her Pre-Distortion it seems like her paranoia is internally directed. i think you could even say that while michael was caught in an eternal battle with the concept of connection, helen is caught in a battle with the concept of self. the point is that she thinks of jon in a less “The Archivist” sense and more as just That Guy who she had an intense connection with that one time.

ARCHIVIST

So… S-so what do you want?

HELEN

I don’t know. Helen liked you, so… there’s a lot to consider. But I will help you leave.

(101). i would also like to point out that helen’s emergence as the distortion coincides with jon coming to terms with his identity as the archivist. parallels, baby! SO helen is a newly formed being that is grappling with the concept of her own existence and jon is reevaluating his understanding of identity as he comes to terms with the fact that he is turning into the thing he’s fighting against and this is all happening at the same time. live laugh love. stay with me here, i promise i’ll get back to 187. Throughout seasons 4 and 5 helen attempts to validate her own moral decisions via jon who she once saw herself in. conversely, jon sees both an image of what he could become AND arguably a representation of his past failure in her.

ARCHIVIST

It did. I think… I mean, you remember how I was back then, how paranoid. The Not!Sasha was there, and I could sense something wasn’t right, but I just couldn’t place it. It left me a suspicious wreck. Then when Helen Richardson came in, it seemed like… she was in the same place I was, but worse, further along. I thought, maybe if I could help her, that would mean… maybe I wasn’t beyond help?

(188). helen and jon lie at opposite ends of the same spectrum. both of them derive pleasure from the suffering of others

HELEN

Oh, John! This existence can be wonderful, if you just let it.

ARCHIVIST

[Sadly] I know.

(187). needless to say that a LOT of jon's arc and the themes surrounding him focus on the concept of autonomy and addiction and i think it'd be fair to say that this component is an aspect of that. repressing these qualities is both a way of reaffirming his control and also just.. him trying to be what he perceives as Good, and season 5 is the point at which this comes to the forefront of his character- particularly the line between what is intrinsic and what he truly has control over. a battle of the concept of the self, if you will. while the two share similar traits, jon is intensely moralistic while helen indulges in a twisted sense of hedonism and both are fueled by an inability to expand their viewpoint. helen fully immerses herself within these qualities and intentionally blinds herself to any concepts of morality (indulgence), and jon actively pushes back on this as hard as he can and follows black and white moral framework (repression). this means that in order for their relationship to function he must either accept her, choosing to let go in his personal battle with autonomy OR she must break out of her worldview and conform to standards of human morality which goes against her own nature.

part three: questions i do not have the answer to

so. what does it all mean. WELL. 187 is the boiling point of all this tension. we know that helen relies on jon to validate her sense of self and we know that jon sees himself in helen, both past and present

HELEN

But that doesn’t make any sense. You barely met her. You had half an hour together, and she spent most of that ranting about mazes! She was positively delirious with paranoia!

ARCHIVIST

True. But as you’ll recall, I was pretty paranoid myself at that point.

HELEN

So what? You saw yourself in her? A sad reflection? A possible future?

(187). I’d argue that 187 is demonstrative of jon’s inability to either fall into complete indulgence in intrinsic values that lack moral validity vs. maintain and image of self that does not conflict with the values he attempts to uphold in order to find internal satisfaction and yes both of those concepts are inherently egocentric as he bases his moral judgement on what he can justify to himself instead of what can be calculated via empathy. however. paired with the alternative (helen). is that BAD. is it inherently selfish to do what you perceive as good in order to feed your own savior complex? and if so, is it inherently selfish to indulge in destructive qualities as to not delude yourself? is honesty vs deception a black and white question? if not, where does helen even fall? in not deluding herself does she achieve a moral high ground? IS she deluding herself by denying the potential to be facetiously benevolent at the detriment of both her personal enjoyment and her honesty? does helen even posses the capability to repress her violent qualities? if she doesn't, does she have any autonomy? if she and jon are both inherently selfish and intentionally resistant to introspection, what makes them different? i do not have answers but i do think the text is meant to invoke these questions. i mean,

MICHAEL (STATEMENT)

There was a great evil, she said, and Michael was going to help her fight it. Am I evil, Archivist? Is a thing evil when it simply obeys its own nature? When it embodies its nature? When that nature is created by those which revile it? Perhaps Gertrude believed so. Michael certainly did. He believed everything she told him.

(101).

part 5: conclusion

so once again. what does it all mean. well! even post helen’s death jon continues to fight for autonomy and preserve his moral worldview so. i think that probably indicates something good.

MARTIN

Huh. She couldn’t help what she was, I guess.

ARCHIVIST

She didn’t even try.

(188). i honestly don’t have a thesis i just find it incredibly interesting how the themes surrounding these two intersect and play off of each other. anyways looping back to 187 i do think in a broad sense jon killing helen is representative of him choosing to stick by his convictions and keep fighting. i don’t have any good way to end this but thanks for sticking around during my self indulgent rambling!

[archived-and-moving]

DANU DANU DANU

So in gsa today my friend let us know that he’s using he/they now, and we sort of got to just reminding people of pronouns in case there are changes anyone forgot or missed, etc and for my turn I said “all pronouns. All the pronouns” bc I’m not ready to specify ze/zir yet

And then my best friend who is wonderful and beautiful and I love him asked if that included it/it’s and neopronouns or just he/she/they and I said something like “it/it’s and neopronouns would be good, thanks” so I guess now I’m out with neopronouns even if not exclusively!!!

Our club leader said they didn’t really get why someone would use neopronouns and I prepared to slink into my hole of shame and internalized transphobia but then they said “but you do you” so maybe it’ll be okay

Also my friend got their top surgery scheduled and I am SO happy for them, good gender feelings all around :D

Alaskdjf;alskdfj Dude that's so cool!!!!! As Wyre said a while ago, the letter z is so gender, and I still agree w/ that to this day. It's so awesome that you came out with all pronouns though! That's a huge step in the direction of coming out with neos, so huge kudos to you. (Also he/they pronouns are awesome. I'm kind of a biased source but it's cool.)

Yeah! Sar I'm so proud of you rn you have no idea. Like, coming out with neopronouns is something that's really terrifying, and I'm so so incredibly glad that you have amazing irls who will support and love you for who you are. That's such an incredible thing to have, and it makes me so happy that you have a support system as cool as that.

Neopronouns are so incredibly unique and customizable to the user's euphoria, which is a huge pro, making it easier for you to find something that you really vibe with. (Like with the letter z or x, or pronouns that center around nouns/emojis.)

The only downside is that makes it hard for a lot of people, even some of those in the community to get behind. Sometimes people will come around, and other times they won't. But just know that me, an internet stranger thinks that your pronouns are cool, gender, and valid. Although that might not be as cool as someone you know irl, every little bit counts I hope.

Good gender feelings are awesome!! I hope your friend has a great time with their top surgery, and has a good recovery. I offer you and your friends a sincere congratulations, because coming to your own as a person and feeling good about it is a marvelous feeling. I'm so glad you guys got to experience it!