#bc if you give someone shit for their ability or lack there of
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dogclownmuppetthing · 4 months ago
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Man in all the 'haha you talk like this on the internet (place where you have veil of anonymity and the security to type/retype messages so they appear right) yet need to hype yourself up for a phone call' jokes I think we've forgotten that wow social anxiety is a debilitating disability huh Anxiety's become so "accepted" and "normalized" so people who do a lot to support mental illnesses (whether its just lipservice or otherwise idk) have kinda just gone 'lmao we All have it some people are just babies' like ? No !!! I should not be losing sleep and in physical pain because I have to make a phone call !!! Like anxiety physically hurts !!! It is good to push your comfort zones but this is like the only time people act like you're a wuss if you can dare be confident enough to be a little bit of a dipshit online but aren't putting yourself in physical pain to improve every single day idk Tangentially , I'm not mentioning the 'afraid to ask the cashier for ketchup' one bc its not relevant to me rn but also it just seems reasonable , this site is filled with mostly food service workers who at least at one point went "If you're a customer burn in hell forever I fucking hate you and hate my job" I think being afraid to ask any of yall for anything is common sense (said as someone who also worked a service job and felt equal amount of rage , admittedly)
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anaalnathrakhs · 9 months ago
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i WILL show up to the trial day for the preparatory class tomorrow no matter how much i dont want to and after that i guarantee NOTHING
#broadcasting my misery#vent#this is a lie i guarantee i will keep tumbling through life appearing functional and melting down in the privacy of my own home afterwards#<- trying to jinx my naturally contrarian ass into taking care of myself for once#god i'm tired#i am. slightly peeved.#around 11am i was like ''i think i'm going to go home'' and my friend was like WHAT nooooooo what are you going to do at home anyway#and we ended up hanging out w another friend until fucking 4pm#and she was like oooooh guys i think i'm gonna go else i wont have energy tomorrow#haha bitch where was this mindset when i told you i was going to go home#i don't know why i keep like. telling people stuff like ''i'm [emotion] i'm going to [thing]''#and they just plan stuff w me anyway#and like. i can't decide for them what's important or not to them. so i make an effort and i participate to the best of my ability.#but it KEEPS HAPPENING#OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN#it does not stop#i can barely keep the violent impulses down tbh i act like im on crack in public#bc if i dont walk around and spasm like an epileptic stray cat im gonna start giving in to the urge to dive under a bus or punch someone#i have nearly uncontrollable fits of hitting my head against walls when my entire life i was too chicken to do it despite trying to#i gained about fifteen to twenty fucking kilograms in the last three months#because i cannot fucking stop binging and EVERYBODY'S LIFE seems to revolve around food#my friends are incapable of hanging out without going to buy smth no matter at which time we get out of school#my other friends seem incapable of not checking calories VERY LOUDLY and calculating how much they lost walking around#my mom and i are home and awake at the same time abt two hours a day and one and a half of that is spent making/eating dinner lmao#im making the effort holy shit i am but i'm going to start being violent soon#i've started trying to strangle my cat twice in the past week i think#i'll show up tomorrow bc it's an opportunity and im not stupid enough to miss that by lack of self esteem#but really what is it good for#my friend isnt very delicate in her way to say it but she's right. i'm not cut out for being normal like that#i can sorta seem functional but you very quickly start seeing i don't know how to dress
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kombuuuu · 1 year ago
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Omg I just saw that u write for atsv!! So I was wondering if u could do one with a female reader x hobie where the readers quite reserved to everyone in public (maybe she’d been a spidey longer so she’s lost more people? Idk why she’d be reserved bc I cannot write for shot lmao) and people think she’s super cold but then they like?? Walk in, and she’s like open and warm with Hobie (it doesn’t matter if she’s loud or not) and they kinda just look at the scene in shock like wtf and Pav is sort of smug bc he knew all along and then it comes out that they’re dating?
It Sounds Nice coming from You.
Hobie Brown x Fem!Spidey Reader
“I totally called it.” “Don’t even speak, Pavitr.”
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kisses him cause he my bf (-compulsive liar)
People whispered about you. Spider people and the general public alike. Your city spreading gossip, rumours and misinformation to try and figure out who you were, but that was a Spiderwoman affair, every one of them dealt with it.
But having people same as you talk in hushed tones, glancing at you as you walked past. That’s a new kind of feeling.
The Spider Society didn’t exactly favour you, per se. There was nothing inherently wrong with you either, so no reason to get rid of you. But you were just so silent. No one knew a thing about you.
You mostly kept to yourself around base, never really trying too hard to make friends, you were well known enough not to be questioned. A loyal fighter was what you were recognised for, not your personality, your abilities.
There were still some people that managed to creep their way in though, their hearts so full of love, you didn’t know how to refuse them.
So you conceded. You let them in, and begged to any deity that would listen not to take them from you.
Hobie knew you as someone who could listen. Who understood him rather than challenged his beliefs. Not that he had any, but that was the point.
Your lack of input made him feel accepted in going on tangents of why he thought the way he did. And you just sat, and listened. A kind heart and an open mind.
Which eventually led to him falling for that kind heart. Tripping over his own feet to please your silent self. To get those small smiles or amused huffs out of you.
The occasional time you spoke to him, under hushed breaths and fond tones. God, he couldn’t take it.
The way your accent forms over each and every word, how your voice was akin to honey malt, sweet and addicting. Only giving him small doses, but he was the only one who got those doses. Only him, and you, and the words you spoke or times you listened.
He knows that people thought you were cold, or unloving. And maybe you were at first, maybe he thought you were. But he figured you out fast. Where you couldn’t talk, you could touch. Brushing your hands over his arm to get his attention. Linking your hand through his and dragging him away from people you don’t want to be near, he would smile down at you and follow along like a lost puppy. How your brows would crease a certain way, or nose would scrunch a little when you found distaste in things. He was a fool for you.
Where you lacked in verbal communication, you strived in every other category. So when some Spider-people decided to come to him, urging him for answers about you.
Telling him that he wasn’t sure you even wanted to be here—, Hobie would shut down the conversation quicker than thought to be possible. Giving a simple “She’s just quiet.”, and ditching the moment the words are out of his mouth.
It’d worked—, for a while. Ignoring the demeaning or conspiratorial comments made about you by spider-people a-kind. But eventually it got the better of him. Having him borderline snarl at the people who would talk shit right in front of his, or your, face.
“She’s silent, ain’t she?”
“Yeah. Peter 48 said she was like that ‘cause she killed her parents, made ‘er real quiet.”
“Jesus christ. Wouldn’t surprise me, she’s a freak.”
“Dude—“ One of the two spiders, the first one, turned to Hobie. Spider-senses ringing. Hobie stated back at them, deadpan and unblinking. “Don’t.”
The younger spider paled, quickly trying to backtrack.
“Hey— Hobie. I— Didn’t mean it. Was just repeating what I heard, ykno—“
“Cut it, mate.”
He squeaked, head tilting down in respect, the other spider following.
“Stop spreading shit rumours like ‘at. It ain’t fun when you’re the subject. ‘S it?”
“No.”
“Mm.”
Hobie walked past them smoothly, brushing shoulders with the kid just to scare him a little more. When he was far enough away, he heard them start to whisper to one another. “Fuck man, that was close. He could tell Miguel, and then we’d be out.”
“Jesus..”
He felt rather accomplished that day.
It was days later where you were brought up around him again. He’d been texting you, the upper half of his body hanging from Miguel’s platform, his wicks shifting every time he moved.
Miguel and Lyla were talking amongst themselves, clicking through holograms and sorting things out for potential anomalies.
Jess, Pavitr and Gwen had walked into the room chatting, Pav and Gwen expressing their excitement rather loudly.
He glanced up at them from his phone, you were still typing.
immm gonna b homein ten just be patient >:(
I’m patient 🦑
u werent 2 seconds ago
I don’t subscribe to consistency.
Or this slandering talk
ur consistently lame
also why squid
I’m never lame. Also, he’s cute
hes not real
Don’t do this me
reeeeeal tasty tho
What is wrong with you.
numnnum crunchhhh crrcchhh numnum ( > _ <)
Inhumane.
mmmmmm yummyyyy
He can’t die, he’s immortal
The ‘Texting’ bubble popped up on his screen.
“Hey, Hobie!”
Pavitr was running up to him, looking from his lowered position below the elevated platform.
He slipped further down the platform, slumping slowly as he greeted Pavitr upside down.
“Pav, my guy!”
Pavitr bounced on the balls of his feet, smiling wide at his friend.
“What’chu doing up there?”
His eyes darted to Miguel and Lyla, ending their conversation.
Smirking, he whispered to Hobie, “With the grump.”
Hobie snickered, gaining a disapproving look from Jess.
“Textin’ [Name].”
Just then, the next message from you showed.
immortal ??? how consistent of him to live
He grinned, typing back quickly while Pavitr eyed him knowingly.
He’s a squid, he’s more fluid than anything
ihu
terrivle joke
No, you don’t
And it was great
wtvr >:P
Hobie grabbed the ledge of the platform and swung down, landing softly in front of Pavitr and pocketed his phone.
“Glad ya ‘ere. Those two can’t keep it quiet, aye?” He said, pointing back towards Lyla and Miguel.
“They do argue very often.”
“Nah, Lyla don’t argue, mate. Just the hardass.”
Pavitr snorted and Hobie softly punched his stomach in jest, earning one from Pav to the chest, and starting a round of playful punching. Pavitr laughed as Hobie brought him into a headlock, scrunching his fist over the shorter man’s hair and rubbing it in.
They let up when they heard Lyla teasing Miguel for something again, giggling to each other at his expense.
He threw an arm over his fluffy haired friend and leaned his weight on him. Pav smiled up at him once more, brighter now. Before he could speak, Gwen’s voice echoed through the barren room.
“Same reason as you, I’m guessing.”
Hobie turned his head towards her, dropping himself off Pav and standing up straight again. Smiling at her as she reached him, and went in to hug her briefly. When they disconnected, he spoke again.
“Yeah—, No clue then, mini-punk.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Neither big bad has said nothin’ to me yet.”
“Seriously, are we going to skip over that?”
“Maybe they’re waiting until [Name] is here!” Pavitr chimed in.
“What does mini-punk even mean!”
“Not exactly, Pavitr.”
Jess, who now was standing next to Miguel, spoke.
The trio turned to face the two elder spider-people.
“Huh?”
“We wanted to have a discussion with the three of you—.” Miguel put his hands on his hips, authority that Hobie only saw as a challenge emanating from his figure.
“—Away from [Name], she’s already been consulted.”
Hobies eyes narrowed, the atmosphere in the room suddenly shifting to something a lot less unfriendly, and a lot more cautious.
Jess caught wind of the younger man’s tense stature and shuffled forward a step, not unwilling to intervene.
“Nothing too bad, just—,” He paused for a moment, the dense light from the reflective floors making the contours of his face pop.
Hobie watched with batted breath, posture only slightly relaxing from the statement. The crease in his brows begging to be drawn, yet his pokerface was something to be beat.
“,—Addressing her.. lack of communication.”
A shiver raked down the brit’s body, physically restraining himself from chewing this man out with a rebuttal.
“Wha’ ‘bout it?”
His gruff voice was a stark indicator of his annoyance.
“Well, ignoring the rumours following her—,”
Hobie, the usually rather sensical man, was getting more agitated by the minute.
“,—We’ve noticed a certain independence that she holds. Something not many others do.”
The punk quirked a brow.
“So?” Gwen was the one to talk now.
“That doesn’t seem very serious, ‘f you ask me.” She laughed lightly, trying to lighten the mood. Something Pavitr seemed a tad scared to do. There was a lot of competition in the air right now, he wasn’t very competitive.
“Exactly, it’s not.”
Jess cut in, seeing how terribly Miguel started this conversation made her cringe.
“It’s not—, but,” She shook her head, hair falling prettily with every move. “,Her ‘independence’, has been more akin to ‘lack of teamwork’. In some cases.”
Gwen started to speak again, her eyebrows furrowed, just as Hobies now were. He was right about brewing with offence.
“So!—,” Jess cut her off before she could begin.
“So there’s no need for her to have distractions anymore. From now on, she will not be going on team missions. Just solo’s.”
“Wha—! You’re cutting her off?!”
“Gwen, it’s not like that.”
“Like hell it isnt! She’s a part of us!”
“Doesn’t this mean she’s going to be in more danger?” Pavitr spoke up, concerned.
“No— well, not unless—,”
“Unless!? You’ve gotta’ be kidding!” Gwen choked out.
“And what does ‘consulted’ mean! Did she agree to this?!—“
They continued to argue, Gwen and Pavitr advocating for your teamwork skills while Miguel and Jess had made up their mind.
“No communication,” He pinched the bridge of his nose “,Fuck off.” Hobie scoffed under his breath, turning to leave and storming out.
The voices of Miguel, Jess and his friends following him through the portal to you.
“You agreed to this?”
lIts not like they’re wrong, I just hold you all back.”
He huffed, exasperated. Not only were you putting yourself in danger, you were doing it alone. And letting some guy who has a borderline vendetta against teens be the call for it.
“Now, you know that’s not tr—“
His stern voice was cut off by the frown on your face quivering. A due sign of you nearing to cry.
“Oh, shit— C’mon dollface, c’mere.”
He sat down on your shared bed, scooting against the headboard and bringing you into his lap. A soothing hand ran over your back as you tried to reel in your embarrassment.
“I really didn’t mean to agree.”
Hobie sighed, pushing your head into his neck and watching how the rings adorning his fingers rose goosebumps in their path. “I know, sweet’eart.”
And he did know, the moment that it had been a meeting addressed solely with just Jess and Miguel, he knew that Peter had been excluded for a reason. That Miles had been sent after an anomaly as an unknowing distraction for Peter to chase after. He knew those two intimidated you. And the fear of parental disappointment was something they used on you—, young, sweet you. That only ever got hurt because she didn’t want her problems to hurt others, or herself.
You had opened up to him once. Told him what everyone twisted when they whispered sickening words. A story unlike the rumours crowding your reputation.
How no, you hadn’t killed your parents, or siblings, or whatever messed up thing people claimed of you.
You told him how you hadn’t been bitten yet. How, when your family was killed, you hadn’t had any powers. So you couldn’t save them. And it wasn’t even canon. Nothing could’ve stopped them from dying, but it didn’t have to happen. And that was the guilt that weighed on you. How no matter the hardships your parents put you through, a kid neglected of attention. You still would rather die a million times for them to live once.
And it’s all “would”, and never “can”.
Other spider-people don’t have to live with the fact their parents died for nothing. Was what you said. A messed up thought, no doubt. And one you felt guilty for. But the sole continuer of this sorrow-filled silence. Which has worked well enough to protect you so far, why is Hobie one to break that?
Because you love him, you guess.
His hands slid further down your back, resting on the curve of your waist in his lap.
His breathing soothed yours. The shuddering breaths you had been giving to stop your tears, also stopped.
“You wanna talk about your day instead, luv?”
“Yeah, thank you Hobie.”
“Love when you say my name, Babydoll. So pretty and sweet like that.”
Wrapping your hands around his lithe waist, you hummed. Beginning your recount of the day in the honeyed, reserved tone you’d always held.
Around half an hour had passed with Gwen arguing against Miguel before Peter showed up, Moles in tow.
“What’s all this about?” His slippers flopped when he walked and the baby carrier strapped to his chest shifted every time a sleeping MayDay squirmed to get comfortable.
“This—, This asshole!”
“Gwen.” Jess chastised her.
Gwen ignored it, pointing at Miguel accusingly. “—Kicked [Name] off the team!”
“Not kicked.”
“You said she wasn’t going with us anymore.”
Miles looked offended by the prospect. “Why?”
“She’s not kicked, she’s simply better off solo.”
“Oh, so it’s our fault then!”
“Gwendolyne.”
“All of you, stop.”
Peters voice ended the bickering, having learnt since fatherhood exactly how to use said voice. “We are not sending an 18 year old on solo mission against anomalies.”
“Since when did you have a say—“
“Miguel. You’re an idiot if you think i’m going to let that happen. That’s a kid.”
“She’s an adult.”
“When it’s convenient to you.”
Miguel pinched his nose bridge, growling under his breath. Jess spared a glance at him before wincing and backing down from the conversation.
“She doesn’t talk to people.”
“I’m sure she does, just not to you.” Gwen cut in.
“Yeah, her and Hobie talk a lot.” Miles prepped up on his toes. Pavitr smiled and hummed an agreement.
“Not that I’ve seen.”
Peter gave him another disapproving look. “Disregarding that. The fact you decided to not consult me on this decision is another reason that it’s not happening.”
“Consult? Like some council, please.” Miguel scoffed at him, rolling his eyes and turning to open a holographic tab.
“Yes, like some council. Someone’s gotta be the brains ‘round here.” The father joked, coddling MayDay as she cooed.
“I’m going to go inform [Name] the retraction of this decision.”
“Don’t you dare.”
“Oops too late, portals open.”
“Can I come with?” Miles jogged after Peter, hopping quickly through the portal, Peter, Gwen and Pavitr following. Not without Gwen flipping Miguel off as she went. “We’ll sort something out, she can go duos with Hobie.” Jess put a hand on his shoulder, watching as he stared off to where the portal had previously been with a sided expression before sighing.
“Yeah..”
“That went great.” Lyla dragged, popping up on Miguel’s shoulder.
“I’m a second away from shutting you off.”
The AI blew a raspberry at her companion, and disappeared.
He had went off on a tangent about some movie he saw, or song he’d heard. Hobie honestly couldn’t remember, he was too focused on you. The way your voice sounded, how open you were being with him when every now and then you would respond to him. The hearts in his eyes were probably from how heavy his own was beating. Staring at you like a sinner to a prophet.
You had moved down from his lap, now curled against his side, head leaning on his shoulder and hand resting on his chest. At some point, the movie you had been watching before Hobie showed up was unpaused, and serving as background noise for his quiet rambling.
Both of you pressed under a blanket to beat the cold, and the darkness outside your window being killed off by the lights strung across your room. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt this cozy, this utterly comfortable.
Sparks of colour strung out of nowhere, neither of them really seeing it at first, up until it spat out Miles. He stumbled forward a little and went to greet you before taking on the scene. You and Hobie cuddled up on a bed, blanket wrapped around you both, fire going, people singing. He was exaggerating the last parts, but it felt necessary for something so unexpected.
“Hey—, guys.” The awkward teen managed, before Peter walked through the portal with the other two in tow.
“Woah, no mean to interrupt.”
Peter put his hands up in surrender. Hobie snorted, it wasn’t like you were incapable of affection, It just seems he was the only one who got it.
“I totally called it.”
“Don’t even speak, Pavitr.”
He pouted, before giggling and waltzing over to sit next to the both of you. Flopping down on the bed and turning to watch the TV.
“Oh my god, I love this movie!”
“Favourite character?” You inquired. A collective raise of eyebrows was shown throughout the room.
Gwen shuffling over to sit down as well, a baffled look on her face.
“The horse.”
“Pff- Max?” Hobie snorted at Pav. Giving the still rather confused Miles - Peter duo a reassuring smile. And greeting Gwen with a fist bump, she smiled wearily at him before her smirk filled out and she punched his arm in congrats.
Pavitr nodded and laughed, gasping excitedly when the scene on the lake showed up. “Perfect timing.”
You glanced up at Hobie, Miles and Peter finding somewhere to sit as well, talking quietly amongst themselves.
He smiled at you, bringing you in closer while Pavitr sat smug.
The air of confusion slowly dissipated into something accepting, none but Pavitr had really expected you to be so.. Open. But they came to find they didn’t exactly mind it.
Everyone had left by now, the knowledge that you didn’t have to go on dangerous missions alone anymore leaving Hobie satisfied and you comforted.
“You doin’ right, babe?”
“Yeah, Hobes.”
You gripped his shirt a tad tighter and yawned, eyes drifting more shut as the minutes ticked down. “Wanna go t’ bed?”
“We’re in bed, dummy.”
He shot you a playful look.
“Don’ ge’ smart with me, young lady.”
You smiled at him before he made the decision to shuffle you both down in bed to get comfortable, switching off the lights by the outlet. He moved back to you, letting his whole body rest near yours, and letting you initiate any contact wanted.
A leg wrapped around his, and your arm still picking the fabric of his shirt.
“Sleep, sweethear’.”
“Mhmmph.”
Hobies breathe lulled you to sleep, white noise against your racing thoughts. He watched you fall, your trust in him to keep you safe was enough to make a man weak. He smiled, looking out your shared window at the city life below.
No crime, no anomaly or misshaped villain could possibly drag him away from you.
BAMBAMBAM 🦑‼️
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khuzena · 8 months ago
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This bitter life.
pairing: Blade x g/n!reader
Part 1, Part 2.
Summary: Life is not fair, that is the truth every being must accept. Yet, there’s a part in Blade’s mara-struck mind, that he cannot accept this type of ending, he will not allow it, but he has no right to deny fate itself.
In other words, you die and he’s miserable.
Cw. It’s very fluffy trust me, Reader is absolutely fucked, you die, unrequited requited love, not proofread, very slowburn, character development, terminally ill, ansgt only bcoz fluff is for the weak, life is unfair.
A/n: You already know what it means when I upload a fanfic. If you don’t, my only warning is, shit’s going down.
(wrote this bc bladie won the poll for my other fic of which character u guys want a fic for next 🥳)
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Days pass by, Blade didn’t come back to the Stellaron Hunters HQ to watch over you. Silverwolf keeps messaging him, telling him he needs to come back for another mission but he’s stubborn.
Silverwolf: Come back here, we’re having a meeting
Silverwolf: oh come on I know you’re seeing this
Silverwolf: Istfg
[seen by Bladie]
His phone shuts off and he just stares outside your window, he knows you’re not getting better anytime soon. He sometimes feels a twisted, aching feeling in his chest when you give him that feeble smile to pretend you're okay, when you both know no amount of medicine will save you, you could no longer hold a glass for more than a minute because your muscles fail you.
He feels sick.
This misery of his never going away.
“I have to go.”
He expected that you’d call out for him, “Okay, take care.”
So he leaves, he wishes he never looked back.
He was gone for 3 weeks, on another mission to exterminate more and more foes of the Stellaron hunters and gather more Stellaron with Kafka.
“Something on your mind?” The blood on his hands could never be washed away, he wants to go back to that stupid Clove-V planet and talk to you.
“None of your business.” Kafka is surprised, it's the first time he sees Blade so irritated (he mostly is but not to this extent)
Kafka doesn’t ask again and they finish their mission.
In 4 days, he rushed to see you. You stopped replying to his messages, only a tiny ‘seen’ message pops up every now and then and he hates to admit it, he’s dying to see you again.
“Doctor.” Your door creaks open, another visitor it seems.
”Is it you Blade?”
He nods, but with a tightness to it, he sits beside you again, mold was already building up on your sink, your lack of mobility making you lose the ability to do normal tasks.
”Are you okay?”
”I wish.” How could someone act so carefree on the brink of death? He doesn’t understand you, no, not at all.
He wants to reach out for you, to comfort you but he doesn’t know how to comfort you. He doesn’t understand why he wants to comfort you, he understands why he cares so much, he doesn’t understand why he’s feeling this way, he doesn’t even understand himself.
But when you smile at his hesitance, he realises, maybe you do.
He doesn’t reach out for you, he’s always an arm's length away from you, never close yet never too far. “You haven’t eaten, you’re going to die.”
Even if you eat, you will never get better; but he wants you to.
“Maybe, but I’m fine with that.”
”With dying? You’re a fool.” He doesn’t want to accept that you’re going to die, that you’re okay with dying because he’s not.
You’re a fool, a bastard, for trying to understand him but he can never understand himself nor can he ever truly understand you.
“You better not die,” his eyes desperately tried to never meet with yours.
He doesn’t want to look into your eyes, he doesn't want to accept the truth. That your eyes no longer beam with excitement at his words, that the sparkle in your eyes had dimmed.
“I know I will,” he no longer hides his worry, his fear, his desperation to keep you alive.
So he asks again, “What do I do?”
Like every other time he asks what ‘can’ he do for you, you repeat your words, “Just keep me company.”
He nods, sitting beside you. The tension in the air is obvious, neither utter a single word in this deafening (yet comforting) silence.
Blade cannot accept that you’re giving up, you’re not allowed to give up, he won’t accept it.
He drapes a blanket over you, “Feeling better?”
“A little.” Your throat burns, but you want to talk to him, even when you’re dying, you want to understand him.
”It hurts.” He doesn’t know what to do.
He wants to understand your pain, he wonders, if your pain is as worse as his, that it hurts so much you’d rather pass. That maybe, you’re the same and you wish to die too.
Neither of you will truly understand the other, but you try.
“I got sick when I was a child, 7– no, 8… I don’t remember,” he pretends he doesn't hear the rasp in your voice, “Just… Medicine made the progression slower.”
You could almost cry, “I wanted to study medicine, I wanted to heal others of their pain.”
”I don’t want to die.”
He doesn’t want to hear your desperate cry, he doesn’t hear it.
“Blade, it hurts,” he’s never wanted to shut off his ears when you spoke what he never wanted to hear, “Can I give up?”
He doesn’t want you to, but has no right to deny you peace.
”Is it okay if I give up?”
No, he won’t let you give up. You were there when he was sick, you did not look at him with hatred in your eyes, you treated him like any other person, something that has never happened in years. In your eyes, Blade was just a man.
So he doesn’t say a word, he doesn’t want you to give up, of course; but what can he do?
“It’s okay, right?”
”If that’s what you need.” He holds your hand out of instinct, “Then give up.”
He wants to yell at you that you’re an idiot, that giving up is for the weak but it’d be hypocritical of him to do so, I mean, he’s given up on life a long time ago, what’s he going to do? Tell you inspirational shit to keep your will to live alive?
“Thank you.”
No tears escape him, not a single choked sob leaves his throat but when your eyes lock for one last time, you understood him and he understood you too.
You two were just the same.
He squeezes your hand and rests his head on your stomach, when you don’t flinch, he realises you’re gone now too.
He can no longer understand you by your words, you can no longer speak to him, he can’t understand your past or who you truly are.
But how could you, how did you do it?
A single medical book rests on his hand, he may not understand what you truly are, but he’ll read countless books for you. He’ll play your favourite stupid games for you.
Maybe then, he’ll understand the only person that truly knew him, who gave him company in this miserable life of his.
What a pathetic, miserable, bitter life.
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Note: DEF OOC BUT WHO TF CARES (I DO AND IM EMBARRASSED) but its okay right?? Like i wrote this in just 2 days (5 hours everyday) Whatever whatever i think its okay i feel sick I haven't ate lunch yet bye wuahhshdsj
Written by @khuzena. Likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated. ♡ 
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lookinghalfacorpse · 25 days ago
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idk if you want to talk a bit more about this duo, if not feel free to delete this ask.
Yeah I pretty much like seeing cdrunz too as the "there's a distance and want to close it but idk how". Like we might never know much about how they were when alone with each other for lack of moments but for the few clues and moments we have we can see two people who care for each other as friends, specially on cpunz part, but wont use that title. Also both being fucked up similarly in some senses.
I kinda like to think about the what could have happened too bc cdrunz actually have a lo of potential, seeing cpunz is technically one of the few og menbers who doesnt hate or is agaist cdream post prison. And we see that the label "friend since the start of the server" probably doesnt feel too secure for cdream anymore bc of all that happened with csapnap. So keeping certain distance with cpunz as a "coworker who shares my objectives" probably feels more secure. Bc someone who shares your objetives will help you and wont hurt you, but he from his pov cant say the same from his friends from the start of the server.
And i find interesting how a lot of cdream relationships are basically a "what could have been" even with his longest and last ally in the end. And it's sad seeing how it ends bc there was care even if cdrunz wasnt as close or intimated as other past cdream relationships
Also I just find hilarious the idea of ctechno and cphil with the one sided cdrunz, noticing it and going to cpunz like "you're as bad as him at communicating your feelings and look that the bar is low at this point man"
you're so right that we're left to speculate about most of cdream's relationships.... we don't get his pov, and the characters that are loyal to him can't exactly flaunt their alliance publicly. they can't even defend him (unless they're technoblade, who has demonstrated that he doesn't give a shit ie calling sam out on the torture)
one-sided cdrunz is actually pretty interesting and ALSO fucking hilarious if dreamzablade is happening on the side..... i feel like punz would get a little jealous if he knew, or at least wonder "what do they have that i don't" (answer: communication skills and ability to take initiative). meanwhile emduo, immune to jealously and used to weird little polycules, would probably help punz out if he asked.
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scienceandfandoms · 9 months ago
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I was talking on Discord and accidentally spent an hour giving my thoughts on how well each new Who companion could take care of a baby. Note that I think most everyone on this list is capable of taking care of a baby for some amount of time. As such I'm adding how long I think they could do so/additional stipulations in bold. Also of note that a lot of these depend on when in their timeline we mean. I split some ratings based on this. Also also this is just for fun
So without further ado... How well New Who companions would do taking care of a baby (under the cut)
Rose Tyler: When we meet her she is so so young to be caring for an infant for a significant amount of time. But by the end of her time on screen? Sure. In EU content she's even got a kid. Rating: a few days at the start, long term at the end
Mickey Smith: Era specific. Definitely not for early Mickey. But once he's matured after spending time in Pete's World he could probably do it. Rating: maybe for an afternoon at the start, long term at the end
Captain Jack Harkness: Has had children canonically. This does not, however, fill me with confidence. Probably knows how to keep them alive more or less though unless their death would save the world haha who said that. Rating: inevitable heartbreak/10
Martha Jones: I'd trust her to do so at the start if she had to bc of her medical training and being slightly older/with her shit together. My confidence has only increased with time. Rating: most competent so far, could probably handle it long term if she had to right at the start
Donna Noble: Has successfully, canonically, on screen raised a spectacular daughter who is also a companion. A large portion of her time on screen in The Star Beast is dedicated to how good of a mother she is. Rating: companion I would trust the most with a baby for any amount of time
River Song: Another one that depends in part on place in the timeline and I'm not even gonna get into the thing where the Library makes her a parent or something at the end of that episode bc that feels forced af to me. But I feel like she'd lack confidence in her ability to care for a kid of any age, but take to it surprisingly well if she really had to do it. Rating: earlier in her timeline just no. Later in her timeline she could probably manage long term
Amy Pond and Rory Williams (they're a couple so doing them together): at the beginning they're also quite young (not even counting Amelia era Amy). They could do it but I think Rory would be picking up a lot of the slack for the same reasons I think early Martha could do it. Dubiously canonly they DID raise a kid (though it's unclear if it was from infancy), and in general there's so many timeskips they're a lot older and more mature by their departure and I think they'd be fine. Rating: carried by Rory to squeak out mid-long term success early on, but in a better position long term later in their lives
Clara Oswald: Clara has experience with children, yes, but ones that are SCHOOL age. Clara is not equipped to handle an infant. You can't be clever at an infant. Unless you speak baby. Maybe she forces the Doctor to teach her to speak baby. I doubt it would help. Rating: I wouldn't leave a baby with Clara Oswald for more than an afternoon and even that much is a gamble
Nardole: Has been seen looking after babies before. Seems reasonably competent at it. Up there honestly. Rating: long term right from the start. Or at least from his second episode he's just kinda doofy in THORS and there's a significant time skip after that
Bill Potts: While not as young as someone like Rose, her position in life is still one that makes caring for a baby for a significant duration difficult. Could she do it? Yeah probably if she really had to. But I want her to live her life. Rating: living situation complicates anything more than short term early on, probably capable of long term with resources even then
Ryan Sinclair: Chibnall companions are kinda nothing to me. Sorry. Please don't come at me for not being a Chibnall enjoyer. But it can be hard to get a read on them to me. Ryan is pretty young though so I'm gonna say best not. Maybe if he was written by someone capable of developing a character. Rating: short term would probably be okay
Graham O'Brien: Also Chibnall. In a better position age wise. Loses points for all the ableism with Ryan so maybe if the kid isn't disabled I guess. Rating: another short term candidate I suppose
Yaz Khan: Also Chibnall. Also young. Still probably not. I'm sorry canon Yaz is kinda nothing to me I know a lot of people really like her. Rating: competent enough for short term probably
Dan Lewis: Maybe the Chibnall companion I'd trust with a baby the most? I mean he's not barely an adult, and his main crime is outing someone which isn't really relevant to a baby. I think it's a bit outside his wheelhouse but he'd manage it okay. Though if he never unshrunk his house that might make it a bit more difficult for anything longer term. Rating: congratulations you get short term with longer term conditional on the assumption you have somewhere to go with said baby
Rose Noble: She's 15. But on the other hand she could ask her mom for help so if that's an option she's fine actually. Rating: probably a great short term babysitter, has the resources to get excellent assistance if she were to end up with a baby in the long term
Ruby Sunday: Another Quite Young companion and her introduction literally does feature a baby in her care getting kidnapped. She does get that baby back though and it's shown that she helps her mom with childcare a lot so big babysitter energy. Rating: short-mid term on her own, longer term with assistance
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justeliiijah · 4 months ago
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1:25 Siffrin!
submitted by @sammusbird my beloved <3
1. Why do you like or dislike this character?
HOOO boy okay a lot of characters with anxiety, PTSD, and depression in media are shown as uwu soft or evil with NO in between and siffrin has a LOT OF NUANCE TO HIM. there was a lot of care and love put into how they react to the hopelessness of their situation and by god do i adore it.
2. Favorite canon thing about this character?
dude is so fuCKING shape. also SUCH fun nonbinary rep??? give more queers knives. i know a lot of us have them but more. more should have them. me. give ME a knife.
3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?
how do i draw him in color he looks Wrong
4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?
ace attorney bc i think it wld be funny. they wld get framed for a murder that they did commit somehow i can Feel it
5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?
dont kill me bc this is kind of hilarious but the song is called Time Travel by Never Shout Never it's linked lol. u can extrapolate abt who's talkin to who in the song but i imagine it's loop and siffrin
6. What's something you have in common with this character?
[thousand yard stare] hot and transmasc next question
7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?
fuck that lad up yall ur doing great
8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?
as king of angst every time i see siffrin unburdened with trauma i lose ten years off my life span (i don't have any real pet peeves and am not super active in the fandom!)
9. Could you be roommates with this character?
i can't even be roommates with my roommates, man
10. Could you be best friends with this character?
unfortunately i am a bit of an asshole and i also have ptsd i think we wld kill each other with our eyes immediately
11. Would you date this character?
we are the same type of fucked up so that is a solid dear god no
12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?
ftm (i am projecting ok). they are canon nb i believe but i don't know if. like. there's a canon depiction of them w top scars or some shit but it wld fuck!!!
13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?
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feel free to assume what i mean from this bc i'm not adding context
14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.
i am not a fashion bitch but i think someone shld give him a choker
15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)
surprisingly canon for once! isafrin <3
16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?
mira or odile w siff. those mfs are his besties stop trying to make them kiss. also mira is aroace
17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?
loopfrin. ironically my bf @codacheetah is extremely abnormal abt this one lol
18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?
mira and siffrin's relationship makes me fuckign emotional literally dont look at me???? but siffrin and odile too bc like. they share that lack of ability to Know where they come from (if only partially on odile's part). and bonn-- okay i think. i think all of their relationships are insanely complex and important ok
19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?
not applicable tbh. i do think that he shld kick the king in the wiener tho
20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?
mira my beloevd <333
21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?
i havent posted fic since like. 2017
22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?
i love the introspection abt the recovery i've seen!!! like, ppl showing how they think siffrin copes after the fact.
as for dislike,,, hm. i don't love the Other People Loop aus despite how intriguing they are because,,, well. there's a Reason to me that it was siffrin, a reason that their desperation to stay was so powerful. they are singularly capable of that level of need, i think.
23. Favorite picture of this character?
man its gotta be
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24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?
ur gonna laugh but. like s4 jon sims. i think they wld get along but jon is far more of a loser
25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?
honestly i think i thought they were a very malleable char? like, that he wld change w the player's decisions. and i wasn't wrong entirely, because that's. how story driven gaming works, but siffrin has a much stronger personality and identity than i thought. i also thought they were in space for some reason i did NOT listen to coda's rants
26. FREEBIE QUESTION!!
hes a cutie :3
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marzonomy · 6 months ago
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Embarrassment x Reader headcanons (inside out 2) because I don't see any x readers of him anywhere 😋
NSFW AT THE BOTTOM
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CRUSH
Secretly believes in love at first sight.
ESPECIALLY after he meets you.
I headcanon that they can sense when another emotion is feeling their emotion, even when they're hiding it.
For example, say Joy is sad but hiding it really well. Sadness would be able to feel that she's sad. Or if someone's frustrated and hiding it bc they're trying not to, Anger would know. It's like their gaydar but for emotions.
I promise I'm going somewhere here.
Someone on Twitter made an OC that's Love. They're like Embarrassments "annoying" sibling (tho i don't see how someone who's head is literally a heart could be annoying but go off). Love is canon to me now I love them
I think Love smell the chemistry between you to immediately. The moment you show up they look over at Embarrassment with the most shit-eating grin and a knowing stare in their eyes.
Love doesn't press at first, letting Embarrassment work up the courage on his own. But they realize Embarrassment is in denial of his feelings.
Because of course he would be?
Poor guy thinks you're waay out of his league.
Eventually, Love sits him down and has a talk with him. Kinda hard to deny you're in love with love themself says you are.
Love is an expert matchmaker and wingman (wingperson?).
Once they intervene it's not long before you and Embarrassment finally talk about your feelings.
You talk in the HQ at night when one of you has dream duty, as that's the only place you can really be alone.
It takes a moment, but eventually Embarrassment spills everything.
Rambles on about everything he likes about you (which is a lot). Tripping over his words like crazy.
Absolutely flabbergasted when you feel the same (Love ain't no snitch🤞).
Thinks he doesn't deserve your affection. Please reassure him.
Once it sets in that you love him, he's over the moon. That doesn't mean he isn't incredibly flustered though. He's literally the embodiment of embarrassment, it's in his name.
Nervously asks if this means you're together now. Obviously you say yes, that's why you're reading this.
RELATIONSHIP
An AMAZING boyfriend.
You're the only person other than Love he feels comfortable actually talking with.
He feels a little more confident with you around.
Views himself as astronomically lucky to have you. He appreciates you so much.
You have to be patient with him, he lacks the confidence to do a lot of the things you do.
He's eternally grateful for this.
Obviously not big on PDA, but he will hold your hand sometimes. Prefers to lock pinkies.
Very affectionate behind closed doors though.
Will simply hold you close to him, burying his bigass face in the crook of your neck (to the best of his ability considering he's an absolute behemoth).
Big spoon. Would switch it up if he wasn't built like the empire state building.
Just really likes to hold you.
Really good at comforting you specifically when somethings wrong, no matter how upset you are.
Doesn't say anything of course, just listens. Definitely gives really good hugs (I mean, he literally detained 5 emotions with a big ass hug) so he usually calms you down with physical affection.
Idk man I think a hug from Embarrassment would cure me.
Would be very confused if you just crawled into his hoodie, but wouldn't really complain. I wanna crawl in there. He would be super flustered though considering you are making direct contact with his torso skin(?).
Lowkey wanna squish him and see how he reacts. No idea how he would though.
NSFW
Definitely the type to take things slow.
When you first fuck, he's such a mess.
If you're not a bottom you'd have to top him the first few times.
First time he's submissive as hell (partly cos he has NO idea what to do).
Hiding his face behind his hands, but he can't help but peak through his fingers.
Definitely cums fast, at least at first. Is embarrassed as shit about it (duh).
But he can go a few rounds to make up for it!
After one or two times, you're still on top, but he might slowly become more dominant (though he'll always love when you ride him)
Starts with grabbing your hips and helping you bounce on him until finally (if you let him), he takes most of the control while you're on top.
Eventually he musters up the courage to top you. He's soo scared he's gonna hurt you.
So so gentle most of the time, but he can sometimes get carried away (especially if you egg him on or it's his first time on top. or you've been edging him-)
When this happens he practically loses himself. Your hips are higher than you head as he lifts them up and pounds into you, holding you close and burying his face wherever he can. You will NOT be able to walk for a while. Will stop immediately (and probably cry) if he realizes he's hurting you.
Does absolutely everything he can for you during aftercare. If there's baths anywhere in the mind, he will take you there. Even if it's far, he'll carry you and draw you up the warmest, most sensational bath you've ever had in your life. If you just wanna cuddle though, he's more than happy to oblige.
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dereality-existence · 7 days ago
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*poof* i’ve entered ur inbox again bc yes >:)
Do u think that Adam is just kinda dumb, or is he more than he is letting on? As in, he appears immature like a 5 year old, but has the ability to be mature?
i always got the feeling that he was a lot more than just being a plain ol’ dummy, maybe cuz i wear a tin foil hat like an overthinker every time he’s mentioned in a conversation e
(hope i uh, dont bother u too much with the asks tho, i just like entering in ppl’s inboxes)
Well, it's not just overthinking. Some could make an assumption that Adam is just a dumb-dumb plain villain. But if you wanted to make him remain a plain dumb-dumb villain, why add this tender smile at the end, as if showing his true self?
Not just a smile, but throughout the whole season, the bits of his humane side could be seen right from the first appearance.
(Due to my nature and my struggles, I dunno if I will ever make a full analysis of him, so I will talk about him here as I can!)
Right on his meeting with Charlie, he's showing a constant lack of self-confidence. His constant yapping about how awesome and cool he is doesn't prove anything about him actually being that. Count how many times, while speaking, he looks at Lute, as if gaining a validation from her that he's doing everything right. See how he addresses her, with hope that she's going to cheer him up. How he is always turning to her to see that she's cheering him up, so he can continue his behavior.
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The moment with: "Right, Sera…?" is the same thing with self-confidence and uncertainty. In the same court scene, his true nature could be seen at the moment when he stopped his excitement and apologized to Sera.
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I know a couple of narcissists IRL, and I can surely say they never apologize. Even if they do, they only pretend to, and it could be seen. Plus, even after apologizing, they like to add EVERY TIME something like, "…but you made me do it. I'm sorry, but you started first", blaming you in the end.
Adam really felt sorry, feeling discomfort for getting too far. And hey, yes, he knows boundaries. It's shown when he got surprised at Lute's violent comment about Vaggie, with his: "Chill, Lute, fuck.". He knows what "getting too far" is.
Also notice how he is always accompanied by someone who can support him. Lute hanging out with him in the free time, I bet, so he could feel safe and protected, besides actually enjoying being with her. He's always relying on someone.
Even when he cheered up his army of exorcists, there was that brief: "Ha-ha, yeeah!" as if for a second he was afraid that he didn't manage to get them hyped with his offer with bucks for them. Like he gets excited that they reacted positively to him struggling with offering them something good for their job, relaxing that he succeeded on that and did not fail.
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Did we even see him alone besides the finale? Where you know, he dies. See how he is slowly losing when he is left alone. His self-confidence fades; he's getting angry, not being able to do anything successfully, starting to behave erratically and stupidly.
He's a follower, lacking self-confidence, hurt, and probably not knowing how to live without others guiding him how to.
Haters love to flood all the blame on him for everything when they turn a blind eye to who's actually in control and who let him do all of this shit. Those who let him do the things he did and who allowed him, who cheered him to do it—they are at the same responsibility for everything, if not fully responsible actually.
So I would say he's a poor, uncertain, immature man, rather than dumb. He is more than what he shows on the outside. Give him to the right people, and he would be normal; a man needs therapy, that's for sure.
(no, you never bother me, everything's okay <3) (you personally have something like a "special free pass" from me to ask, messaging me and etc so never worry hehehehe ≧◡≦)
(omg i swear i tried to be brief, why is it so long lol)
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poppitron360 · 4 months ago
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tbh i find you annoying but thats just my opinion. you're allowed to do whatever the fuck you want. good for you. my own opinion - based on petty standards and prejudice and a bit of jealousy - is not a reflection of reality and should not affect you. keep having fun.
also please don't block me because you're posting about something i like and it's not very well known and i just needed to get this out because id explode
… Okay?
This ask is fascinating to me and I have SO MANY QUESTIONS. Imma disect your comment like a lil bug real quick, if that’s okay with you?
If it doesn’t affect me why did you tell me? Like what was the purpose of telling me that you find me annoying? What validation does that give you?
Like you took all that time and effort to 1) seek out my blog 2) read enough of my posts to come up with a REALLY REALLY GOOD BURN LIKE WOW THAT IS SO CLEVER 3) Click on the ask button 4) write this comment 5) CHANGE THE FREAKING FONT- Like you went through the whole process of highlighting that line of text, clicking the “minimise” AND the “strikethrough” buttons and THEN 6) pressing send and you didn’t stop to think ONCE “hey… why the hell am I doing this?”
It always baffles me when people tell me these things like they think I’m not already painfully aware of it. Like I know that I’m annoying to some people THAT’S WHY I’M HERE!!! I have found the one community of people that find what I’m saying interesting!
I’m not posting for YOU I’m posting for THEM. You think I give a shit what you think about me? Are you THAT self-centred? Maybe my posts aren’t tailored to you, and that’s fine! Not everyone is making content specifically for your consumption, and might just be marketing to a different audience. If you’re not pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down, that’s okay. Maybe I’m just not putting it down for your specific needs.
You know, before I joined Tumblr, a comment like this would have sent me SPIRALLING. But now I’ve realised that there is actually a place and a people to whom I am entertaining. I just gotta find the right audience.
One of my favourite inspirational quotes ever is by Einstein and it’s that “everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish by it’s ability to climb a tree, it would think itself an idiot” or words to that effect. Yeah- my talent for spinning Leo Valdez round my brain like a candy-floss machine until it eventually turns into content isn’t necessarily “fun at parties” or useful for getting a job or good for… y’know… anything applicable to the Real World™️ but here I’ve found where I CAN put it to good use! And a year ago I didn’t have that.
Before Tumblr, my lil fishy body was struggling ‘er way up that tree. Here, I’ve found my ocean!
Not sure where this metaphor is going in relation to the topic of you finding me annoying… I guess fish me doesn’t feel like such an “idiot” now that I’ve found where I belong? Like I know that my talents are niche but SOMEONE likes ‘em. Actually quite a lot of people like ‘em, judging by my follower count. And I didn’t get this far by just having a cute cat pic as my pfp, but by actually building my skill and working hard! And I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. SO FUCK YOU!!! HUZZAH!!!
I’m aware of how much of an asshole I sound like, but honestly? I am proud of myself. And my girl deserves her moment.
I feel a little bad responding guns-ablaze bc your hate comment was legitimately kinda nice and considerate?
But Also- how weird is this as a hate comment? Like you’re being insulting but you’re also saying you like my stuff? Geez, it says a lot about you that you can’t even send anon hate correctly.
If you wanna keep reading my stuff, go ahead! You just either gotta power through whatever weird complex you have about me, or just don’t read it. I don’t really see what good sending me this ask will do. Whatever gripe you have, put it aside. Like how I put aside your lack of capital letters in that comment, knowing that my stupid obsessive thing with Grammar shouldn’t affect how I treat other people, and that that is my OWN problem to deal with.
I’m being silly here. I’ve just never had the confidence to roast my haters before. I’ve never had haters to roast (online, anyway) so forgive my overzealousness. If you couldn’t tell- I was a theatre kid and still am…
In all seriousness, I like how self-aware you are that you’re being prejudiced and jealous. And I’m kinda curious as to what specifically you’re jealous of? But that’s just to boost my own ego.
I’m aware that I can be a little intimidating sometimes, particularly in a written form of socialisation. I like grammar, okay? I like rules and guidelines and careful, creative choices to show emotion and how you can break the rules in certain ways to give depth and nuance to the character and find the pattern of letters and characters to communicate what you’re feeling over a written format and-
If you couldn’t tell by all the fanfics I write- I also have a passion for writing.
Also, what specific prejudices? I’m genuinely intrigued. Is it specifically based off of one of the protective characteristics (under the 2011 Equality Act)? Or is it more just the way I behave? Or is it something I said? Like don’t be shy I don’t want vague I want DETAILS!!
And I realise that me writing a whole freaking dissertation on your comment just PROVES your point that I’m annoying but I. Don’t. Care. I’m having fun. I can’t help that I have a lot of Thoughts And Feelings about things. It’s just how my brain works. Also, it is currently 1:23am where I live, so brain go brrr. If you made it this far, anon, I salute you! Thank you for taking the time to hear me out even though you think I’m annoying. That’s honestly a good quality to have. Here, have a sweet 🍬
And I know that that was… intense, to say the least. Oh BOY do I know that I can be intense. But genuinely- GENUINELY- I’d love to sit down and have a discussion with you on this because it truly fascinates me how other people perceive me. And, if you’re comfortable coming out of anon (if not, that’s fine) I’d like to learn more about why you think these things. Not necessarily so that I can change- but it’d be a great opportunity to see what I can learn about myself through what you think at me. I know it seems like I’m mad- I’m really not! I’m just captivated by the world and how others look at me.
Anyway, thanks for hearing me out, and I hope to have good conversations with legitimate constructive criticism in many posts to come! Never stop being passionate. Just maybe direct your passion to something more positive. Thank you so much for the ask, this was a really good thought experiment for me.
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lakesbian · 7 months ago
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Very curious to hear you elaborate on your thoughts of dungeon meshi anime sucking! Most of the folks I’ve seen talk about it have been pretty positive, and while as a fan of the manga I dropped out of the anime partway through I can’t really articulate why I stopped watching
this is gonna be pretty unformed but maybe @haunting-hole could add more if she wants. to phrase it to the best of my ability (unfortunately sans picture examples because i don't have time to dig them up):
it looks bad. or, well, the issue is actually that it just looks okay. the lighting is extremely washed out and sterile feeling. the manga has 1. gorgeous art and 2. extremely strong usage of light and shadow to convey tone, and the anime drops the ball both on fully conveying the atmosphere of those environments via their color (because the lighting is sterile and ubiquitous) and on using color in more subtle ways to convey the tone that the manga was initially striking for certain plot beats, whether that be horror or humor or emotional closeness. good example of this is comparing the first fawin fight in the anime vs the manga--in the manga, there's really stark use of light and shadow that adds an immense sense of emotional gravity, and the anime Does Not Have That
i think it in general lacks the artistic nuances that make the manga good...like first fawin fight as an example again. when she rips her shirt off in the manga, she's extremely bloodsplattered with a horrifyingly slackjawed, unfocused, animalistic look--she looks like a predatory animal. in the anime, the expression is altered in a way that makes her appear significantly more in control of her faculties than she actually is. or directly compare delgal's birth in the manga to delgal's birth in the anime--the one in the manga feels extremely personal and intimate and human, and the one in the anime has absolutely none of that weight because of how the scene is designed and drawn
i understand that things have to get cut out oftentimes in adaptations but i cannot fathom why they decided to cut namari explaining how resurrection works because it's literally Critical context for understanding the plot event of why everyone is so horrified when they find falin's bones. the sense of dread is so much more significant in the manga...i remember seeing a big post having 2 explain why this was a big deal 4 anime-onlies bc they were just straight up missing the critical worldbuilding detail that Resurrection Doesn't Fucking Work So Good when someone is just Bones. like please. that's importance.
the manga does comedy, horror, horror-comedy, extremely convincing character-focused emotional intimacy, etc. the anime has like. i don't fully know how to articulate it, it tries to recreate panels one-to-one but it ends up coming off as awkward and jarring instead. toshiro and laios' fight is particularly dire for this. i haven't watched the most recent episode myself but my friend whom i trust to be so right about dungeon meshi reported that it completely shits the bed on giving senshi's backstory the same compelling gravity as the manga. and also they put one of those overly cheery shiny yellow backgrounds over a group hug scene that's incredibly cozy and intimate and not at all humorously played up or lighthearted in the manga.
like, i think it really just boils down to the fact that the manga is a solid 5/5 with broad appeal, and the anime is a 3/5 mediocre sort of situation you just kinda drop without really thinking about why. just starkly milquetoast compared to everything the manga does. the anime being this popular is like watching people flock 2 outback steakhouse when a michelin star restaurant is right next door handing out free meals. it's Fine, it's Perfectly Serviceable depending on how distinguishing your taste is, but it's distinctly worse in comparison to the manga, and i don't care about seeing the same story rehashed in a diminished quality
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1eos · 10 months ago
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Sorry but I feel crazy for feeling :/ about how now people are going "make noise about this! Spread the word about what is happening! Make it know that this is bad!" About this like where was this energy for black folk 😭 feels so complicated like yes its fucked up but also am i crazy for feeling mad about how people ignore shit when it happens to black people but suddenly when it happens to white people then the whole site shouts about it? 😭 sucks because you can't even complain about it because YOU KNOW you will get people calling you names for it 😭 sorry I feel more complex feelings and sorry I feel more annoyed than anything 😭 I am one of the bad ones if I said "it sucks that everyone is ignoring the racism because this is happening to a white trans person" I would still be in the wrong to them and they'll point at me and call psyop 😭😭😭😭😭
youre not bad and you're not crazy either. cuz in the end of the day nothing's gonna get done if you won't listen to black ppl 🤷🏾‍♀️ as they say you're only as strong as your weakest link if you have someone in your community that is free to be attacked at will you're giving an in for everyone to be attacked. someone already made a post comparing the two situations but its similar to sex workers raising the alarm about how websites were trying to censor them and how it would only get worse if ppl allowed it and ppl really fell for the 'protecting kids' rhetoric and now here we are with that crazy kosa censorship bill. when ppl just straight up ignored that staff has the ability to moderate and go scorched earth but only want to do it against ppl they don't like and those ppl seemingly being anyone black :) that SHOULDVE been when non blacks woke tf up and started pushing back bc if u allow it to happen to one group of ppl its def gonna keep happening
and you, and anyone else who feels some time of way abt this, aren't in the wrong for feeling that way! its actually annoying as hell 😭😭😭 its like someone handing you the answers to a test but you still fucking fail bc you don't respect the ppl who gave it to you. and we all obvs feel bad for the ppl getting deleted and when it comes to the ppl actually being deleted they really aren't the problem. its the ppl on tumblr who rally around them saying stupid shit like 'this has never been done before' yes it has and im willing to bet YOU were reblogging those posts calling black ppl russian psyops for having an opinion thats beyond blue good red bad! and this lack of respect for people who will always be one of the first to face repercussion is why we can't get shit done bc after tumblr banned black ppl and erased the ferguson and blm tags nonblacks turned around and were encouraging folks to give this bigoted ass website money bc you have to 'support your favorite hellsite' girl what......
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upsidedowngrass · 1 year ago
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hi these are some thoughts i had about liam a min ago. theyre messy but im thinking abt them so much . blwos up (text version under the cut, tho i also put the text into the alt)
its. initially he doesnt seem OPPOSED to help or anything but he def develops just. not considering himself. he doesnt care what happens to him as long as he can do what he needs to .but i think at the most visceral he still will avoid things that Actively Will Be Painful, tho i think hes more aware of that in heavy hindsight, or when its extremely imminent (gestures at ep 14)
DEFINITIELY… I THINK TO THE SHIT W THE SMOKESTACK SM hes like. is it dangerous? yeah. could i get in legal trouble? yeah. but its what stone wants, im sure of it. and i need to do that. no matter what
bc he obv is scared of death!!! he actively AVOIDS it in ep 14. which ofc is a low bar but its like. it shows his priorities SO well
that saving the others+stopping the others+just. doing whatever stone is asking him, thats giving him … some semblance of a purpose w what he feels like is already a permenantly destroyed life that cant be pieced together, that he has nothing else, thats weighed heavier than his own safety
he DOES object to offing himself in ep 13 though. at least he says as much, but he. doesnt seem to convinced. i think it was on his list of idedas but hes scared of death so idt he wanted to outright do THAT unless hed exhausted his options entirely, and following the notes WAS his 'options'
he cant follow the notes if hes dead, and as far as he knows, dying might screw up his ability to follow them. so its not smth he WANTS and hes scared of it and will avoid it if he can, but his own safety is considered a lower priorty; the same way he didnt wanna kill airy, he didnt wanna kill himself- stopping one from continuing, follow the notes were a higher priority, but if doing that directly requires doing the first two things he doesnt wanna actually do, he would do it. which , the thing w the smokestack isnt suicide, but the lack of concern for his own safety feels cut from the same cloth, really
THE FACT THAT HE CONSIDERS IT IS SO. hes so obv at his last straw its so upsetting. i think he realizes its illogical and thats what properly deters him. if its the wrong call, after all, it could ruin his chances- he needs to make use of his life as much as he can, he doesnt actually know what comes after bc he wasnt there long enough, but he knows its terrifying- but if it had been what he needed to do he would. but it doesnt seem to be
the argument is so very much. bryce fully coming to the realization that liam isnt just unhappy. that this isnt just smth hes just adamant abt, or a surface level problem and solution- he said 'you really are a mess' abt the eggs and i think at that pt all he knows is that liams Obsessed w this, and he knows shit got worse, but that liam is dwelling on it (smth bryce, master of handling his emotions, does not do /silly) - that hes doing this for himself and is just being ridiculous. but the argument i think is when it clicks how deep seated it is. i think after liams final little outburst after bryce says liams doing it for himself, i think the calling of bryce by soda bottle, the phrasing all makes it click that hes not just a guy not handling problems well, and isnt just being stupid, that liam is actively at the end of his rope and has stopped keeping himself safe and couldnt give less of a shit abt it- and its only then that it properly clicks for bryce. which ofc bryce couldnt know this is more an observation of what that convo does, bc what it does is like. make it click for bryce just how deep seated this problem is. he cant say 'dont do that' and walk away, and i think that probably scares bryce, because hes often the one fucking himself over- and this time, its someone else doing that, and its terrifying
he ultimately follows liam out of compassion- he doesnt need the keys. the car is totalled, and im fairly certain itd cost more to repair that thing than to get another car. he doesnt need liam for that. but i dont know if, before liam says his final thing, bryce wouldve fully followed him up the smokestack. bc theres a pause in bryce following liam at the gate, and i think thats the stretch that was because of what liam last said. bc he still cares about liam of course. hes pissed and catches up w him the first time because hes fucking angry and reasonably so, bc this guy STOLE AND CRASHED HIS CAR . and is mad abt it, and wants liam to know that. and he follows him to the gate bc hes WORRIED bc liam is being stupid, but that last stretch is like. thats him deciding that. liam isnt being stupid, hes not thinking and doesnt care and that its not smth liam COULD even do intentionally, bc its not smth that occurs as smth illogical and dangerous (and that being bad) if youre out of it and fucked up and dont know how to handle it. and bryce has his own issues, and hes not an asshole, and following liam up there is just. its him acting bc he knows liams too out of it to not get himself killed, and not only does he not want that on his conscience, he knows liam doesnt deserve to have that happen to him due to being so fucked up by things that he CANNOT think straight. hes not responding well and no matter how much someone could say he should try, like bryce was wanting him to, liam isnt at that pt. there are stages, so to speak, of experiencing trauma, and theres a point where its hard to even conceptualize that you SHOULD respond better to it, even if told, because it makes everything turn on its head and its hard to follow that, no matter how logical of a person you are. and bryce knows this. that liams not not trying to heal, that hes not in a place he CAN
if that makes. any sense. i have a lot of feelings on it
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yangsharperavery · 2 years ago
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my non carmy/sydney thoughts on season 2
it's very different than the first which is interesting bc the structure they had in the kitchen last season worked so seamlessly.
i think this season was lacking that frequency and flare. i think because of that it suffered a bit. i think the viewership did too for that reason.
it was nearly impossible to recreate the magic of the first season without the constant buzz and intensity and immediacy of food service.
i do think that they still could have retained some of that energy by incorporating more demo/planning/training via the familiar staccato, regimented and frenetic pacing of the scenes WHILE also showing the more slowed down exploration of each character being pulled away to get the skills needed to advance the team and its mission.
but it's like they slowed the story telling all the way down immediately.
even opening with marcus and his ailing mother felt like such a specific and poignant choice in that vein.
almost like the theme of the season was going to be all types of grief, preemptive and reactive.
i think they dropped the ball having everyone so spread out over the course of the ENTIRE season and not making the ones that were together exist in the heightened energy we're used to from this show.
here are some things i loved about it:
•  richie's growth. i love an asshole character that is held to account, actually takes correction and impact and works to evolve and improve.
• marcus in copenhagen. he's so sweet and demure. i loved him getting the one on one attention. him exploring the city and staying on the boat. i was worried he'd be forgotten about in the story so its nice to see that someone bts fought for that not to happen.
• sydney's chicago food tour. the cinematography was STUNNING during these sequences. i read someone say that those moments felt like such a deliberate love letter to the culinary industry and i wholeheartedly agree like it made me SO happy to see.
•  the christmas bottle episode. listen. LISTEN. if you have ever lived in or been subjected to a nuclear family/household that operated like that, i know you watched that entire episode with a pit in your stomach. it was devastating and poetic and maddening and SO deeply fucking impactful. it painted the perfect picture of exactly why michael, natalie and carmy are the way they are. i SOBBED. and i lightweight think that's the episode that's giving this season such critical acclaim and the 100% on rotten tomatoes. it was SO strong and sooooo deeply harrowing.
• natalie's presence. i love her. just her being around was so comforting to to me. i enjoyed how sweet she was to fak.
• tina singing. they still underused her but i loved seeing her shine outside of her element and having the full support of her classmates. i love confidence baring moments for characters who've struggled, felt second or been ignored. that moment and sydney asking her to be sous were so special!
• the “bears are aggressive but sensitive, compassionate, deeply empathic” line. i've thought about it several times since finishing the season. because wow. also richie's dialogue about purpose. olivia coleman's character's conversation with richie about rebirth and timing. there are so many gorgeous lines that speak to the ingrained grief, brevity, import, ability and power of this human experience and all its many facets. the writer's really do SUCH a wondrous job highlighting the humanity of it's characters and their struggles, obstacles and heartache.
• the fucking chocolate banana. i absolutely CRIED. they need to stop playing around and calling this show a comedy because c'mon. that was such a good callback for cisero and richie.
•  pete crying. when i tell you that shit was so deeply powerful. to see him hurting so acutely for natalie. knowing how much he loves her and how much her mother's conditions impacted her entire life. so much so that she hadn't even known nat was pregnant. like that scene GUTTED me. the actor only had .3 scenes this season but that one was an absolute stand out.
• ayo's performance. this girl is an ACTOR. like i know she's a writer and a comedian but she is SO exquisite in the role of sydney. i'm endlessly enamored.
what i didn't like:
• them completely dropping the ball on ebra's storyline. so he disappears for WEEKS from fear and then returns and has a 3 second convo with tina? and then is all of a sudden back in an apron in the kitchen. please don't piss me off. wasteful.
• lack of gary screentime. he should have had as much screentime as fak minus the christmas episode. sidelining two of the black men was foolish and wholly unnecessary.
• the AMOUNT of claire/carmy scenes. like i totally get it. i get why it had to happen, i get the point they were trying to make and the consequences they were driving home but the sheer enormity of the claire/carmy scenes and how LONG they were was dumb. we could have been shown carmy was distracted/absent without having to see those two together for these elongated ass scenes. and them kissing in front of the fireworks? like GAG me. PLEASE BE SERIOUS RN.
• i need to see my babies breaking bread and having found family dinner at least once per season, if not more. thx.
this is just part 1, part 2 will be carmy/sydney focused.
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oifaaa · 2 years ago
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Please tell me how Roy’s characterisation was massacred for N52.
I understand how Jason and Roy’s relationship can be annoying where Roy never questions Jason and just follows him around blindly, never second guessing him. Roy is hard on himself and lacks self esteem and so thinks highly of Jason when really he should be angry, maybe even jealous of the power (all caste magic) Jason has. Then i get confused because I’d think someone going through a bout of depression and self hate and self medicating would have low self esteem and would think everyone is better than them and that they are a fuck up so isn’t that accurate portrayal of how awful Roy’s situation is?? Doesn’t that show the way Roy struggles just as he has pre N52?
Additionally Jason always compliments Roy on his greatness and abilities (Not in person which is annoying because grr he has to be manly and can’t compliment a friend) but in his little thought bubbles he’s always talking about how great Roy is and how grateful he is to have him.
Now this is where I get more confused because surely Roy respects Jason and through Jason’s monologues he clearly respects Roy though he may not say it out loud. The point is, people exaggerate so much how Roy is used as a crutch for Jason to look cool but Jason is constantly mentioning Roy and how important he is for the team. (Though I won’t deny there are times he may call him a goofball or undermine him but I mean cmon it’s literally ‘Red Hood’ and the outlaws, not ‘Titans’ where they’re equals, so it’s understandable that Jason would have swords and magic and stuff and save the day whilst Roy is not the main character). Idk I just haven’t noticed Roys character being MASSACRED when he’s with Jason.
People say Roy’s biggest trauma is having to be with Jason but I don’t know why that’s so bad like don’t just say it’s shit writing, fucking give me the evidence. (Sorry for the rant no offense to you what so ever). If the writing is so bad then blame the writer idk why Jason gets so much hate.
Anyway, please tell me how and why Rhato is the worst comics because I don’t think it’s that bad personally and I’d get shit for saying that.
Ps. This isn’t even about JayRoy or Lobdells disgusting history it’s literally just about why Rhato gets so much hate. I’m so confused so please explain /gen.
Thank you, have a nice day :)
Okay im gonna start this off by saying I think your looking at this the wrong way, your treating RHATO as just a stand alone story and if you want to know why people hate it you have to look at it in the broader context of it being a continuation of three different characters stories bc that is what it is - kory Roy and Jason are all pre established characters with rich backgrounds and personalities that have been building up for decades if you ignore these histories your gonna get push back from fans and Lobdell actually took it one step further
I'm gonna be short and sweet with this bc people more knowledgeable about roys character can put it way better then me but lets get straight to the point - the reason why people say Roy harper was massacred in RHATO is bc his whole character was changed- his back story, his relationships, his addiction, a lot of his personality and hell even his tattoos were changed and changed for the worse as a lot of it seemed to get done just to better suit Jason who was also changed a lot by lobdell but not to the extent that Roy was - a lot of it comes off like lobdell didn't even bother to read any comics with Roy in them before he decided to try and shove him into a role that wasn't suited for him which if your a long time Roy fan watching a character you adore get a complete overhaul just so he fits with the character the author uses as a self insert your gonna be a wee bit agitated
When your writing stories in the dc universe you have to be careful as a lot of these characters are main characters in their own right when they team up together sure you can focus on one more then the others but you have to be at least abit aware of each of the characters your including back stories motivations and personalities and what lobdell did was use the fact that the new 52 just happened as an excuse to create whole new characters with the same names as these much loved pre established characters and this rightfully pissed off a lot of people who loved these characters especially bc the things that happened in the n52 have had a lasting effect as these are the comics newer fans are reading and if your favourite character has been given a complete overhaul into a character you no longer recognise too bad a lot of people are gonna go forward only seeing Roy as Jason Todd's side character the guy in the baseball cap
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vypridae · 1 year ago
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YOU HAVE HCS
GIVE :D
(i love hearing hcs literally RAMBLE if you want to:D)
OAHAOGHAOFDHA WELL. OKAY IF YOU SAY SO
under a cut bc i feel like im gonna overexplain or talk about waaay too many HSJKGHDFG
dazai needs glasses. he doesn't get them for himself because he thinks he can put it off. kunikida ends up getting him those circle glasses and he's like "noooo i don't want these i'll look like a nerd" but kunikida makes him keep them anyway bc he uses his lack of Vision as an excuse to not do his work. he thinks hes gonna get teased for looking stupid but everyone thinks he looks absolutely GORGEOUS and he gets like 10x more compliments on the street
dazai has morse code memorized and likes to fuck with kunikida in the ada dorms by tapping a message on his wall. kunikida has Overstressed trying to translate
yosano accidentally will infodump on neat medfacts and someone always has to tell her she's rambling (and usually its ranpo)
kyouka's favorite animals are bunnies, chinchillas and kittens, but she's allergic to cats (imagine how awful it is living with atsushi /j)
it is very funny to me to imagine akutagawa gets easily scared
hirotsu is the aroace ally who gets to deal with everyone coming to him to rant about / talk shit about / talk about their crushes on others
Q speaks fluent german and they love jumpscaring the pm members with it
louisa loves to dress up her room whenever she uses her ability. she doesn't really need to, she just likes to. maybe she'll have some coffee, and a really comfortable chair, and some lilac or pumpkin spice candles depending on her Vibe TM, and its just so aesthetic
nikolai can replicate signatures, and by extension handwriting, almost perfectly. he uses this to his advantage to forge notes. he also uses this to help sigma when he's Super Fucking Tired
sigma's favorite cookies are double chocolate chip
dazai trying the pocky game vs chuuya who just takes the pocky, kisses dazai, and then eats the pocky
poe visits ranpo while hes in the agency and he'll bring a new snack for ranpo every single time, it's always something he's heard ranpo offhandedly say he wants to try
nikolai is a WONDERFUL cook. if he notices sigma hasn't eaten in a little while / hasnt left his office in a bit, he'll surprise him and show up with a plate of homecooked ukrainian food, or homemade cookies (double chocolate chip), and sigma is soooo grateful. i also think nikolai knows what sigma likes in terms of coffee so he makes him coffees a lot because sigma is so sleepy and gets caffeine headaches
tecchou refuses to eat food thats not the same color, but he's actually a really good cook and jouno is genuinely surprised when tecchou makes him an actually delicious breakfast/dinner/whatever, and hes like "so does this mean you're done with your weird food combinations?" and tecchou is like "no, but i know you don't like them so i'm not going to force you to eat them." and jouno is like. wait. hold on. why are you nice
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