#bc if yes then it's apple juice

[seawitchkaraoke]

the "pee" was most likely apple juice (maybe salted or smth to make acting like it's disgusting easier but probs not even that), they're making tv, it's all lies don't worry

But also hey it's perfectly fine to be uncomfortable with some of this stuff, like... They're comedians and improv actors, you kinda train yourself out of feeling a lot of embarrassment or shame when you do that kind of thing (plus yes of course they can stop and refuse to do things or ask for stuff to be edited out). But just bc they're fine doesn't mean you have to enjoy it. I personally hate almost all romantic comedies, the second hand embarrassment is just too much for me, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with romantic comedies

look, i'm watching the entire back catalog of don't laugh news because it's amazing (currently in season 5), however it doesn't just march up to the kink line it just blasts right past

-sam drinking pee (was that actually... pee? it was still CH and doing watersports just...right there? in front of my salad?)

-grant licking Lily's shoe

-christine eating honey with her hands and making noises, similarly raph with pepper and Ryan with flour

-alfred sticking his hands into various textures mostly squishy and slimy

-i'd say all of the grant focused episodes but it's kind of his vibe so maybe that's a pass

-maybe a little bit grant gargling water for a whole episode

-zac with marshmallows can go either way, same with the oatmeal/whipped cream

i think dropout has done very well with innuendo and making raunchy jokes weave into the whole schtick, but some of these feel... different? because someone specifically wrote these things for people to say; maybe i'm hitting on improv vs scripted and just what i prefer.

i am also fully aware that it is possible these are just kinks i'm uncomfortable with so that's why i feel this way (vs things like calling Sam daddy), and that the crew/etc check in with people on whether they want to keep going or not.

ANYWAY this is my dropout rant, i will continue to give them money up until the heat death of the universe as they are kind and funny people and I like their content

drink water, take your meds, consider the beauty of the world

[toytulini]

it is baffling to me that ppl keep insisting "if its not sprite then what IS it tho?" and seemingly do not...retain the recipes that are being shared. like you dont have to memorize them its just repeatedly "is lemonade not sprite though? how is it not sprite?"

"its lemon juice, water, and sugar"

"is it not the same as sprite?" no we just told u. does that sound like sprite to you. does sprite give you the vibe of juicing some lemons on a hot summer day? the lemonade version closest to Sprite over here, in terms of Being Lemonade, is still Notably Different from sprite, or any other soda, is probably Minute Maid, a highly processed branded lemonade that you can occasionally get from soda fountains (DESPITE! NOT BEING CARBONATED! similar to how they somehow dispense iced or sweet tea from soda fountains) it sometimes comes in a can or 2L bottle similar to soda, in the soda isle. and its Not Soda. its not Carbonated. its Trying To Pretend So Hard To Be Real Lemonade. it tastes like lemonade thats a bit sad. it is far more lemonade than SPRITE will ever be. if yall were simply insisting that lemonade is carbonated, that it was like, fizzy minute maid, that would be less offensive than calling sprite lemonade. which is Insane. good god.

[cloudcountry]

when all of the red army officers got together in the kitchen to drink and zero just had a glass of orange juice...he was so real for that.

[dashiellqvverty]

i am soooo sick of oral allergy syndrome i want to eat my fruits and veggies…..

[milo-is-rambling]

Does it count as daydrinking if it’s 6:30

[apollos-boyfriend]

best drinks of all time?

gonna be real. there are like. three drinks i drink Ever. and that’s, in order of preference: peach juice, water, and orange juice.

[ask game]

[beneathsilverstars]

spent the entire hour just redoing the first sentence of the fic don’t talk to me

i wanted to write fic bc i haven't gotten to in almost two weeks but it's late enough that i was like ughh i really should just go to bed... but then my wife told me they're watching The Thing in the bedroom SO now i have the perfect excuse to not go to bed until the movie's over >:3

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

Hype!!!! For your 1k follower party - fic prompt request!!!

G, 💐, 🥰 and 🍎 These were so hard to pick omg Congrats again to you!!! 💖😊🫂

Kei, thank you so much!! This was a delight to write, all the more bc you offered to draw a little something to go with it!! Everyone, look at the beautiful art @firefly-party has created to go with this little ficlet! 🌸💖😍

The language of flowers

Words: 1000

Rated: T

Tags: Meet cute; Flower shop AU; Bookstore AU; Background Buckingham; Platonic Stobin; Platonic Hellcheer; Flirting; Horny disaster Eddie Munson

“Chrissy, we have to make a decision.” 

Chrissy stops stirring her cold coffee, tearing her eyes away from the bookstore across the street. Or more precisely the owner, who has just stepped outside with an armful of magazines. Eddie watches how she blinks at him, futilely trying to return to their conversation, and sighs. 

“Ever since that place opened, it's like I'm talking at a wall. A pining, sighing, exorbitantly gay wall. Either, we find a new coffee place…” 

Chrissy’s eyes widen. 

“... or you'll need to ask bookstore chick out.” 

The shock on Chrissy’s face morphs into horror. 

“What?” she squeaks. “No way, I'm not doing that. Have you seen her? She's dreamy, she probably has people queuing up left and right.”

On the other side of the street, dreamy bookstore chick trips over her own shoelaces, sending the magazines flying all around her. 

“Yeah,” Eddie says. “Anyhow. Just walk over, ask about the merchandise. Use your charme, get her number.” 

Chrissy scowls. “You say that like it’s easy.” 

“Because it is,” Eddie laughs. “I could do it right now.” 

“Oh, yes? Go ahead.” Chrissy quirks a brow, gesturing at the flower shop next to the café. “If you can walk over and get a random employee’s number, I’ll to ask out bookstore chick. If not, you pay for our coffee.” 

“Oh, it’s on,” Eddie cackles, sliding out of his chair and prancing over to the flower shop. “Watch and learn!” 

He lets his gaze sweep, scanning the employees in the green polos milling about between the flowers. He’s just thinking that all of them are either decidedly too old or decidedly too female when he spots him. He has his back turned, so all Eddie can see of him is a shock of chestnut hair, streaked gold from the sunlight. That, and the polo stretching over the muscles of his shoulders and arms as he bends over the colorful bouquets. Eddie feels his mouth tug into a grin as he saunters closer. That one's perfect.

“Excuse me,” he starts to say. “I'm wondering-” 

The guy turns. And all words evaporate on Eddie’s tongue. 

He was wrong. This one isn't perfect. This one's divine. 

Hazel eyes with gold flecks, brought out by the green shirt. Full, pink lips begging to be kissed. A strong jaw and long neck dotted in moles, like the heavens themselves painted constellations all over the guy’s skin. Eddie is overcome with the sudden, irrational urge to rip off that polo to see if they continue on his chest, maybe trace them with his tongue and teeth. 

“Hi,” says the guy, and even his voice is nice. “Something I can help you with?” 

Eddie thinks there’s many things he’d like this hottie to help him with. 

“Erm …” is what he says. 

Flower shop hottie cocks his head at him and lifts his hand to his mouth. He’s holding an apple, crisp green to match his shirt. It crunches as he takes a bite out of it. Eddie wastes half a brain cell wondering why he's eating at work. The rest ceases functioning over the thin sheen of juice glistening on those lips. Flower shop hottie raises a brow. 

“Flowers,” Eddie croaks after an hour or ten. “I wanna buy flowers.” 

That perfect mouth twitches. “Well, duh. This is a flower shop, y’know?” 

Eddie nods dumbly, wondering if those lips would taste of apples if he licked them.

“Well,” hottie says helpfully, taking another, very unhelpful bite of his apple. “What did you have in mind? Sunflowers would be great for your friend. Bright, cheerful, not overly romantic. Roses for a crush, obviously. Red is the classic, but maybe pink if it's still fresh? Peonies for a more elegant and subtle alternative.” 

Eddie eyes the flowers, the ones with the long stems and dramatic, voluminous blossoms. 

“Yeah,” he says. “Peepo- … Pony- … Those.” 

“Excellent choice,” Hottie beams at him. “They're my favorites.” 

“Cool,” Eddie squawks. “Great. How much are they?” 

“Huh?” says hottie. “No idea, I don't work here.” 

Wait, what? 

Hottie takes in his dumbstruck face, the way Eddie gawks at the green polo - markedly devoid of a company logo or name tag - and smiles.

“Oh fuck,” Eddie groans.

Hottie throws his head back and laughs, like Eddie just made the funniest joke in the world. 

“I'm on my lunch break,” he then explains. “I own the bookstore. Well, co-own. And, speaking of which…” 

Eddie flinches as the half-eaten apple is pressed into his hand, but hottie gestures at him to wait, so he does. The amount of things he'd do for this guy is quite frankly alarming, and he's only known him for a few minutes. 

Hottie fumbles around in his back pocket for a second, finally emerging with a pen. 

“Overheard your little bet,” he says, pulling Eddie’s free hand towards himself. It tickles as he scribbles something onto the his arm and Eddie needs to hold back an undignified snort. “Not the coolest of moves, but if Robin rants at me about your cute little friend one more time, I'll club her to death with a book. So here you go.”

He steps back, snatching the apple and taking another bite while Eddie peers down at his arm. There's a number on it, and a name above that. 

Steve. 

“You don't work here, though,” Eddie blurts. “I didn't win the bet, strictly-” 

“You want this to continue for another month or five?” 

Eddie follows Steve’s nod to see Chrissy gazing forlornly at the front of the bookstore and winces. 

Steve chuckles and nudges him towards her. 

“Go on, then. Put us all out of our misery.” 

Eddie has already started walking when something occurs to him.

“Is this your actual number?” he asks, flapping his arm up and down. “Or did you make it up?” 

“Why don't you try it and find out?” Steve winks at him. “I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot of each other either way.” 

Congrats, Eddie, you've just acquired your very own bookstore hottie!

More celebration ficlets

[lexirosewrites]

this might b too late for slick sunday 8/25 so feel free to use this for next week

inspired entirely by the videos of music festivals booking symphonic orchestras to headline

Here it goes

A!Eddie & Corroded Coffin (who r p much all alphas) have made it big, r selling out stadiums, r headlining festivals, r richer than any of their family past or present

They agree to headlining a metal/rock festival in Indianapolis bc I mean come on Indiana is their home state they go out of their way to start or end US tours in Indiana & this festival was putting in the leg work to get primarily bands from Indiana so they're generally excited, r booked for the main stage during a prime nighttime slot so they have time to either wander around disguised or b in VIP/the wings of the stages watching performances

The band is booked for the 2nd night of the 3 day festival, Eddie & Gareth decide to just rest in the hotel for the 1st day while Jeff & Felix (unnamed freak) go bounce around various VIP spots watching different artists

Well Jeff & Felix come back later tht night slightly drunk smelling of weed but overwhelming smell like alphas in love, Eddie & Gareth r intrigued to say the least, especially when the 2 begin praising an omega they met in the VIP section of a smaller stage, Steve was his name, he apparently smells like sunshine & apple juice, is the most beautiful omega in the world, apparently is performing the main stage tomorrow at around 3, they were invited to watch from the wings & please please please Eddie & Gareth have to come w them bc they definitely tripped over themselves like the dorks they r & they NEED their fellow band mates there to support them in their endeavors to woo this omega, so the band look up what act is performing on the main stage at 3 tomorrow so they can maybe prepare only to b met with the words "Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra"

Meanwhile across the city in an apartment omega Steve is pacing the floor of their living room while O!Robin sits leisurely on their thrifted couch & lets him freak out bc Steve is half in love w these 2 alphas who were so charming & dorky & respectful & definitely Famous & he asked them to watch their performance from the wings tomorrow oh God Robin what is he meant to do!? Robin calms him down by plying him w french fries & rootbeer & reminds him tht not only is he lovable but he's also smoking hot so these alphas r lucky Steve even looked at them plus he's first chair cello for a reason!! He's good at what he does! The whole orchestra is good! They've been practicing for this festival & everyone has the set their conductor put together memorized so well everyone is joking they won't need sheet music tomorrow!! The performance is going to go well & if these 2 alphas don't care abt the music Steve has dedicated his life to then its their loss! (Yes they both know Corroded Coffin is at the festival but neither of them rlly pays attention to the music scene outside of the classical genre & their co-created feel good playlist full of classical & bubblegum pop & pop punk so Steve did not recognize them & Robin doesn't care to investigate)

So the day of the performance dawns, Steve & Robin get dressed in the outfits the orchestra had agreed to: fitted black dress pants, white cotton dress shirts made to look splattered w blood & the dark vests everyone had gotten together & decorated w patches/pins/embroidery (embroidery taught to the rest of the orchestra by Steve + 2nd chair violinist Carol, yes she's here they dropped Tommy as a friend at the same time bc he didn't take their music srsly & she's an alpha deeply platonically bonded w stobin at this point)

Steve lugs his cello down to the street where Carol meets them w her car bc it's actually big enough for his cello (cellists must book an additional seat when traveling bc their instrument will fit absolutely nowhere else & any musician of a classical wood instrument never leaves the life of their instrument up to the Fates i.e. booking it as baggage) they get to the festival very early to beat parking gremlins & make their way thru the festival

Corroded Coffin got up ridiculously early to listen/watch recorded performances of the orchestra this dream omega is a part of & Jeff is getting even more excited bc before he picked up the guitar he trained in the violin & look!!! Guys!! That's Steve in the cello section!!! Felix recognizes him but to Eddie & Gareth it's just a blob in a sea of people

So they make their way to the main stage & observe a growing crowd of metal heads & rock fans as the orchestra makes their way onstage & begin briefly tuning their instruments, this is when Jeff & Felix point out Steve bc look!!!! Steve is first chair cello!!!!!! That's a big deal!!! & indeed Eddie & Gareth see the most beautiful omega on earth & also maybe fall in love a little

Then the individual Jeff told them is the conductor walks onstage, the tuning stops, the crowd actually grows silent then the orchestra launches into a set list that begins w songs ppl recognize both in classical genre & the general rock genre & everyone is getting into the passion of the musicians, the dramatic movements of the conductor, the undeniably blood pumping rhythm of the music, Eddie watches the moving ocean of people in the crowd

Ideas for the set list: Bohemian Rhapsody (first song they play to get everyone engaged w the music) Symphony No.5 in C Minor, Op. 67: I. Allegro con brio, Eye of the Tiger, The Planets, Suite for Large Orchestra Op.32: I. Mars- The Bringer Of War, Romeo & Juliet Suite No.2 Op. 64ter I. Montagues and Capulets (dance of the knights), Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy, The Show Must Go On, & the very last song is In The Hall Of The Mountain King

Steve gets offstage & meets not just the 2 alphas he'd invited last night but an additional alpha w long curls & a beta w a tattoo of a drumstick & a drumstick (chicken) ONLY THEN do Steve & Robin learn the level of fame they have thanks to Carol

Corroded Coffin take Steve on a date each & then all together bc Corroded King is the true agenda of this little idea

i love when i can tell it’s gonna be corroded king, but i still hold my breath until the end to make sure it’s corroded king before i get too excited🤭

[citruswriter]

ok ok hear me out.. rottmnt boys x an autistic reader who is sensitive to / scared of loud sounds so when the 4th of July comes around the reader pretty much just starts tripping balls and on the verge of a meltdown? This happens to me often so it would mean a lot to me

ROTTMNT Boys x ND Reader during 4th of July

Listen with me! ↠ⁿᵉˣᵗ ˢᵒⁿᵍ ↺ ʳᵉᵖᵉᵃᵗ ⊜ ᵖᵃᵘˢᵉ

Warnings: Meltdown, lots of crying, nonverbalness with Raph and Donnie, fluff and comfort, neurodivergent/autistic Reader, Reader wears a bra in Donnie's section (ur wearing the fckn bra Joey).

A/N: Ok no bc last year the fireworks scared me so badly and I cried and I didn't know why bc fireworks never scared me before but I had a total meltdown and had to hide in the car while my husband gave me his noise cancelling headphones. 😭😭😭 W Husband.

It had been a long day for you. It was the 4th of July and you and your family had decided to have a potluck party. Of course you went, bringing food of your own and eating as you conversed with aunts, uncles, cousins, and the likes. After awhile the sun began to set and you decided it was time to get home before it got completely dark. Saying your goodbyes, you decided to call your favorite turtle.

"Yeah the potluck was good. The family really wants to meet you, you know?. I can only keep my boyfriend elusive for so long". You teased with a giggle. "Oh come on. You know it's not as simple as that. I'd love to meet your parents though". His voice came back. You went to reply, but a loud crack was heard in the sky, causing you to shriek. "Baby? Baby you ok?" His voice came, but it sounded far off. Your head began to spin and your chest felt tight, tears welling up in your eyes.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I forgot about the fucking fireworks was all you thought as you stumbled back, stumbling into a nearby wall, hand clutching your phone into a death grip. "Stay right there! I'm coming to get you!"

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Raphael x Reader 🧡

It wasn't long before you felt fingers wrap around your upper arms. You jerked away, sobbing and whipping your head around. "Shhhhh. It's just me, strawberry". A soothing voice came. "I'm going to pick you up ok?" All you could do was nod as Raph picked you up, pressing one ear to his chest as he covered the other with his hand. He sprang from rooftop to rooftop before finding his way to the lair.

Everything was so loud but as the two of you shimmied into the sewers, everything became muffled. "Do you wanna walk on your own?" He asked gently and you shook your head, clutching onto him for dear life. Raph nodded, carrying you down the sewer lines before reaching the lair. "I'm gonna take you to the room, ok?" He said gently, taking you to his bedroom and laying you down on his bed. "Do you need anything?" He asked and you chewed your lip in thought. He seemed to pick up on the fact that you were nonverbal.

"Do you want something to eat?" You shook your head no. "What about something to drink?" You thought before nodding. "Water?" No. "Juice?" Yes. He nodded and held out his hands. "Tap my left hand for apple juice, right hand for orange juice". He said and you thought for a moment before tapping one of his hands. He nodded and left for a moment. You pulled yourself up in a half sat up position, taking a few deep breaths to clear your still ringing head.

Your head jerked towards the door as Raph stepped back in, a glass full of juice. He smiled softly, sitting on the bed next to you and handing the glass to you. Shaky hands reached out to glass, grasping it firmly before bringing it up to your mouth to chug as much as you needed. A smack of your lips and a sigh left you before you handed the glass to him. "Thanks, Raphie." You croaked out with a soft smile.

"Anything for you." He said softly, crawling into bed with you to hold you close. "Wanna spend the night here? Pretty sure you have a few sets of jammies over here." He asked gently and you smiled up at him, hand reaching to gently cradle his jaw. "I'd love that. Thank you." You muttered before giving him a kiss.

"Anything for you, my love".

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Leonardo x Reader 🧡

It seemed like only moments before a hand grabbed yours. You whipped around to see your boyfriend, tears spilling over your cheeks as he grabbed his sword to portal. He pulled you through and suddenly... everything was quiet. You gasped a breath before sobbing. "It's ok. It's ok. I've got you." Leo's soft voice came as he wrapped his arms around you. You broke down sobbing, your ears still ringing from the fireworks.

Hands gently tugged you to the bed. "Wait here." He said before springing out. You whined as he left, clutching your head, but he returned only moments later. He handed a glass of water to you and you sucked it down within seconds. "Here." His gentle voice came as he crouched down, hands reaching to slowly take off your shoes. "Movie night sound good?" He asked, looking up to you with a soft smile and you nodded.

Leo turned on his TV, letting you pick the movie before taking the blanket he had snagged and spreading it over the bed. You seemed to visibly relax as you felt the pressure of the weighted blanket press into you. "Sometimes Donnie gets overstimulated and uses a weighted blanket to calm down, so I asked him if I could borrow it for you". He said with a proud grin and you smiled up at him, hands reaching for him to drag him into bed with you.

"My hero." You said softly, voice barely above a whisper. Leo's eyes seemed to light up. Maybe he wasn't the most experienced with relationships, but he always enjoyed making you happy and meeting your needs. "I love you, mi amor". He muttered, lips pressing a kiss to your temple. You hummed back and reached your hands up to cup his cheeks, angling him so you could give him a sweet kiss.

"I love you too, Leonardo".

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Donatello x Reader 🧡

Donnie found you within seconds. His heart almost broke as he saw you shaking and sobbing. Hands slipped a device over your ears and you looked up as the world became muffled. Noise cancelling headphones. "I've got you". He signed. It took you a moment to decipher it, you weren't as good at sign as he was. But eventually you nodded and he approached you, hands hovering over your body, silently asking if it was ok to touch you. You nodded and leaned forward towards him, legs shaky. Donnie scooped you up, holding you close as he used his tech to quickly bring the both of you to the lair.

Once you made it inside, he made it clear to his brothers that he would be unavailable for the night. One glance at your trembling body and tear stained face and they immediately understood. He brought you inside the lab, laying you on his bed before taking the headphones off. "You better now?" He asked softly, hand reaching up to caress your face. You took a deep breath and nodded. "Can you talk?" He asked and you shook your head, tapping your throat. Donnie just nodded in understanding. "Can I get you anything?"

You tilted your head to the side, trying to remember the signs he had taught you. "Tea. Heavy blanket." Was all you signed before your boyfriend kissed your forehead and got to work. You leaned up against the wall, breathing deeply as you tried to calm your nerves. "Aaaaaand here you go." He said with a soft smile, handing you a cup of tea before spreading the weighted blanket over you. "If you need me, I'll be at my desk working, ok?" He said and you nodded, lifting your head for a kiss. Donnie just chuckled, bending down kiss your lips before leaving you to your own devices. You scrolled on your phone as you drank your tea, slowly relaxing more and more.

Eventually you felt sleepy, yawning and stretching your arms. The motion caught Donnie's eye and he smiled over at you lovingly before pulling himself away from his work. "Is it bedtime?" He asked and you nodded, taking off your jeans so you could lay down comfortably. "Want one of my hoodies?" He asked and you gazed up at him, blinking slowly before nodding. He went to snag a comfy sweater, coming back to see you taking off your shirt and struggling with your bra. "Let me, dove". He murmured, snapping your bra off and kissing your shoulder as he helped you slide it off before handing you the hoodie to shimmy into.

You smiled contently before laying down. Donnie took off his gear before laying down with you. "You know, I think I'm awfully tired myself." He said, snuggling into you and you looked up at him with a giggle, grabbing his face gently to pepper his face with kisses. Donnie couldn't help but let out a few chirps, nuzzling into your hands.

"You're too sweet to me, Donnie". You murmured, snuggling into him. Donnie just smiled softly, gently grasping your jaw so he could give you a bunch of kisses on your lips and cheeks. You giggled sleepily. "Mkay stawp. It bedtime". You said, speech slurred with how tired you were. Donnie smiled and held you close, hand tangled in your hair. As he watched you sleep, he couldn't help but stare at you lovingly.

"What did I do to deserve you?"

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Michaelangelo x Reader 🧡

You were clutching your chest, the fireworks ringing in your head. Two hands gently grasped your shoulders and you jerked your head up, blurry vision focusing enough to see your boyfriend. You sobbed and stumbled into his arms. Clutching onto him as he opened a portal and pulled you through and into his bedroom. You collapsed to your knees, hugging yourself and rocking softly in an attempt to calm yourself. Mikey crouched down in front of you, face worried. "Hey. Hey it's ok. C-Can I touch you?" He asked gently, tone unsure.

You took a deep breath and nodded. Mikey opened his arms and tugged you into his embrace. He whispered sweet things into your ear, one hand in your hair and the other half way up your shirt as he rubbed circles on your bare side. You clutched him close, doing your best to take deep breaths and ground yourself in reality. Eventually your breathing evened out and you nuzzled into his neck. "You a bit better, sunshine?" He asked softly, nuzzling you back as you nodded. "I could really go for a shower..." You sighed out. "You wanna take one alone or are you good if I join you?" He asked softly and you hummed in thought before lifting your head. "I'd like to take one with you if that's ok".

Mikey just chirped and excitedly nodded. "Of course, sunshine." He said before rushing off to the bathroom to start a shower. You chuckled softly, digging through his dresser to get a pair of the jammies he had gotten you forever ago. "It's ready!" Came his voice. You undressed and got into the shower with him.

The two of you took your time. Him washing your hair, you scrubbing his shell, him messaging your body with the body soap, you attacking his cute face with kisses. The two of you just spent time to decompress, you especially after the meltdown you had. "Feeling better?" Mikey asked once more and you smiled softly, hugging him and resting your head on his plastron. "Much. Thank you so much". You replied.

Mikey kissed your forehead and grinned. "You wanna get some pizza and play video games after this?" He asked, hopeful that you weren't too exhausted to pass up gaming. You looked up at him mischievously and giggled. "You already know it. I'm gonna kick your ass". Mikey laughed and squeezed your sides. "Oh you're so on".

You and Mikey spent the rest of the night eating pizza and playing video games, loudly talking shit to one another and winning rounds against each other until the two of you were so tired and ready to go to bed.

"I love you so much". He churred out, fingers tracing the features of your face. You hummed and nuzzled into his wrist. "I love you too, darling." You tilted your head to place a soft kiss to his mouth. His hand slid up to your face, gently deepening the kiss before pulling away and snuggling into you.

"My beautiful angel".

Haiiiiiii. Hope ya'll enjoyed dis. Fanks and byeeeeeee.

[feyburner]

hiii, do you have any good fall recipe recs? sweet or savoury I don’t mind I just regard you as a cooking god and am looking for inspiration

Yes! Here is my current To Make list.

Many I’ve made before and some are recipes I want to try.

I’m linking specific recipes just bc I’m copy pasting from my own list. Sorry for all the instagram reels, you can just google the name of the thing and find it.

I’m going apple picking with my friends sometime in early October so I’m already planning all the apple things I want to make 🤤🍎

And Friendsgiving… so many pies…

SWEET

- French Apple Cake/German Apple Cake

- Apple Tarte Tatin

- Apple Crunch Tart/“The Best Apple Tart in Paris”

- My auntie’s date pecan bread, one of my favorite quickbreads of all time. Yes you are reading that ingredient list correctly. This is for real fruit & nut enjoyers only. If you can’t play with the big boys go home.

- Pumpkin Bread

- Pumpkin Pie (I use the Libby’s recipe but double the cinnamon & ginger, brown sugar instead of white, 1 extra egg, and add 1 tsp vanilla, 1/2 tsp cardamom, 1/4 tsp nutmeg, a few cracks of black pepper, and lemon or orange zest. AND let the filling chill in the fridge overnight!!)

- Sweet Potato Pie (my own recipe, I’ll put under the cut)

- Pecan Pie (same)

- Cinnamon Roll Focaccia/Pumpkin Cinnamon Swirl Sourdough

- Orange Cardamom Olive Oil Cake

- Pear Almond Tart (Tarte Bourdaloue)

SAVORY

- Arayes (made already, so good)

- Crispy Pork Scallion Buns

- Coconut Curry Butternut Squash Sheet Pan Soup (+ Any Vegetable Sheet Pan Soup)

- Veggie Filo Crinkle Cake

- Peanut Noodle Soup

- Fall Squash Galette/Butternut Squash & Caramelized Onion Galette

- Crispy Parmesan Carrots

- Garam Masala Roasted Carrots

- Zucchini Cornbread

- Homemade (sourdough?) pizza with roasted butternut or kabocha squash, goat cheese, figs, caramelized onions

- My dad’s red beans and rice :)

- Spicy Korean Fried Chicken

- Potato Tart with Zucchini & Feta

- Thai Red Curry Dumpling Soup

- Channa Masala

MY RECIPES:

SWEET POTATO PIE

MAKES: 1 x 8-9” pie

INGREDIENTS

1 ½ lbs sweet potatoes (2-3 potatoes) (3 cups flesh), whole, to be roasted

1 x 12 oz can evaporated milk

1 cup (200g) dark brown sugar

2 eggs

5 Tbsp (70g) butter, melted

1 Tbsp lemon zest (zest of 1 lemon)

1 tsp lemon juice

1 Tbsp cinnamon

½ tsp kosher salt

½ tsp ginger

¼ tsp nutmeg

a few cracks (⅛ tsp) freshly ground black pepper

+

1 disc (½ recipe) All-Butter Pie Crust*

*I’ve posted my pie crust recipe on tumblr before tagged “recipes”

DIRECTIONS

1. Roast sweet potatoes: Preheat oven to 400°. Line a baking sheet with foil. Wash and scrub whole sweet potatoes. Pierce potatoes all over 3-5x with paring knife. Roast 45 minutes until fork tender. Let cool, then collect 3 cups flesh.

2. Prepare crust: Roll out pie dough (12-14” diameter circle, ¼” thick). Press into tin and crimp edges. Chill shaped shell in fridge or freezer until ready to use.

3. Preheat oven to 350°.

4. Make filling: Put all ingredients in food processor. Pulse 3-4x until smooth. (You can also use a blender, or simply beat ingredients until fully combined.)

5. Pour filling into pie shell.

6. Bake 45-60 minutes until puffed and firmly set (toothpick clean) everywhere except the very center, which should retain a very slight jiggle (but not look liquid). The center will set as it cools. Start checking at 45 minutes and continue baking at 5 minute intervals until set. (If crust gets too brown, shield edges with foil.)

7. Let cool completely before serving, at least 1 hour.

NOTES

Roast the potatoes whole, in the skins, so the sugars & starches properly caramelize. Do not steam or boil potatoes, even whole. They will take on water and make the filling soggy.

You can roast the potatoes up to 1 week in advance. Collect flesh day of.

PECAN PIE

MAKES: 1 x 8-9” pie

INGREDIENTS

2 cups (250g) chopped pecans

1 cup (200g) dark brown sugar

1 cup light or dark corn syrup

¼ cup (56g) butter

4 eggs

1 Tbsp vanilla

1 tsp kosher salt

1 tsp cinnamon

+

1 disc (½ recipe) All-Butter Pie Crust

DIRECTIONS

1. Prepare shell: Roll out pie dough (12-14” diameter circle, ¼” thick), press into tin, crimp edges. Chill shaped shell in fridge or freezer until ready to use.

2. Preheat oven to 350°.

3. Cook sugar syrup: In a saucepan, bring sugar, corn syrup, and butter to boil over medium heat for 1-2 minutes, whisking constantly, to cook sugar. Take off heat. Let cool slightly, 3 minutes.

4. Temper eggs: In a bowl, beat eggs until lightened and frothy. Slowly, while whisking, pour ½ cup of warm syrup into eggs. Whisk to combine. Then, while whisking, slowly pour egg mixture back into the remaining syrup mixture. Whisk until smooth.

5. Whisk in vanilla, salt, and cinnamon.

6. Pour chopped pecans into bottom of pie shell. Pour filling over pecans.

7. Bake 45-60 minutes until fully set everywhere except the very center, which should retain a very slight jiggle. The center will set as it cools. Start checking at 45 minutes and continue baking at 5 minute intervals until set.

8. Let cool completely before serving, at least 1 hour.

NOTES

Many recipes do not require you to cook the sugar before baking the pie. However, pre-cooking the sugar (and tempering the eggs) ensures the ideal gooey, silky, perfectly smooth texture.

Toast pecans if desired: Arrange pecans in a single layer on a baking sheet and toast in preheated oven 5-8 minutes.

[pyssball]

beaching for life .ᐟ f1 d!lfs

masterlist

a/n: beach trip w the gang bc who’s gonna stop me 😼 also a bit of a time skip btw abt a week or so after the trip with seb. i was going to write a smut cut of this chapter between mark and chloe but i scratched it bc i realised idk how to write smut 😭 also sorry this took so long, my job is kicking my ass 😞

word count: 1.4k

no warnings for this chapter 💌

February 7, 2023

She wasn’t supposed to be at his house until tomorrow but a little surprise never hurt anyone.

She turned off her headlights as she turned onto his road and pulled into his driveway, giggling to herself as she did so. Mark was always the one to show up and surprise her at one of her shows so she just wanted to return the favour.

As she sat in her car she pulled out her phone to call Mark, to which he answered almost immediately with a stern, “What are you doing up this late?”

“Who are you? My dad?” she giggled, ”I just missed your voice.” she spoke softly, that part was true, she really did miss him, which is partially why she chose to come over a bit earlier than planned.

“That’s very sweet, honey, but I think you should get some sleep.” As soon as he finished his sentence he heard a car door shut on the other side of the phone. “Was that a car door?”

“Maybe.” she giggles, “I took a drive.”

“At 11:32 at night?”

“I got bored.” she walked up to the front of the house, “Plus I have someone to see.” and with that she hung up, leaving Mark completely confused. She shoved her phone back into her pocket while she knocked on the door.

It took him a couple seconds to get to the door, but as soon as he opened it he just froze. He looked mortified but she knew that was far from the truth, he was just trying to process the whole ordeal. She smirked at his reaction, “Surprise.” she sang, holding her arms out for a hug.

“Chloe!” Mark immediately picked her up and spun her around, wrapping her in his arms. “What the fuck are you doing here?!” he places her back on her feet, resting his hands on her hips as he awaited a response

“I wanted to surprise you!”

“Well this is certainly a surprise sweetheart.” he pressed a kiss to her forehead before guiding her into the living as he went to retrieve her bags from her car. After he was done he sat down next her her on the couch, putting his arm around her and pulled her closer to his side, she snuggled against him, humming softly as she got comfortable.

The pair ended up falling asleep on the couch while watching a re-run of Grown Ups, legs and arms tangled up together. Chloe’s head resting on his chest and his arms firmly wrapped around her waist, insuring no escape.

February 8, 2023 (10:02 a.m.)

Mark woke up before she did (surprise, surprise) and decided to make her breakfast, he wasn’t much of a cook but he figured it was the thought that counted.

He admits, he may have gone a bit over board but in his mind she deserved every bit of it. He makes his way to the living room to wake her up, something he really didn’t enjoy doing. His hands also slowly ran up and down her back, pressing a kiss to her shoulder blade, “Babyyy..” he sang softly.

Her eyes fluttered open as she felt him press another kiss to her skin, this time to her crook of her neck and she hummed in response.

“Time to get up, darling.” he says warmly, “I made you breakfast.”

“Bacon?” she all but mumbles.

He chuckles, “Yes, there’s bacon, hun. Now come on before it gets cold.”

She sits up, wiping her eyes as she yawns obnoxiously loud. Mark helps walk her to the dining room, pulling her chair out for her. “Such a gentleman.” she giggles as she sits.

“Only for you.” he winks before he walks to the kitchen to grab the plates he had made for the two of them, “Hope you’re hungry.” he said as he placed one of the plates in front of her and the other on front of his seat, “You want apple juice, love?”

She nodded quickly in response and she began eating her food. He had made everything she liked, just the way she liked it, eggs fried with no yolk, bacon a bit crispy and toast the perfect golden brown. He placed a cup near her plate as he finally sat down to eat with her, “I have the car all packed and ready, Jenson and Nando are getting there together, Seb said he’d be a bit late but he’ll be there.”

Her brows furrowed, “Seb? Late? Impossible.”

“Apparently he woke up late.” he shrugged, “Knowing him he’ll probably find some way of getting there quicker.”

(11:24 a.m.)

Mark was right.

Sebastian managed to get there before everyone, sitting under a tree as he waited for the others to arrive.

He made his way to Mark’s car to help upload as Chloe searched for the perfect spot. Jenson and Fernando weren’t too far behind, pulling up a couple minutes after Mark set up the umbrella Chloe insisted he bring.

Chloe was in the middle of unpacking all the snacks and laying them out in a nice spread for everyone when Jenson put his hands around her eyes, “Guess who.” he sang.

She’d smile, “Judging by that stupid British accent I assume Jenson.” she’d spin around to be greeted by not only the Brit but also Fernando. She hugged them both before going back to sorting the snacks.

“So what’s the plan?” Jenson asked, sitting on one of the blankets laid out on the sand.

“Well I don’t know about you guys but I’m drawing for a bit.” Chloe spoke, sitting in one of the deck chairs Mark had packed, gathering her sketchbook and art supplies from her backpack.

Fernando chuckled as he sat next to Jenson, “You’re always drawing, cariño.”

She shrugged, “And you guys are always racing so what’s the problem?”

Jenson laughed, “Cheeky little thing today, are we?”

Chloe smiled widely, “Always.”

Mark and Seb had just got done unpacking everything, walking back over to the group, sitting on the other blanket next to the deck chair. “Glad you guys are enjoying yourselves.” Mark grumbled, laying down on the blanket, attempting to stretch his back.

(1:43 p.m.)

The sun hung high in the clear blue sky, casting golden rays on the pale sand below. Waves crashing against the shore, creating soothing sounds for the group’s adventures. Birds flying overhead, cawing at each other.

Jenson was closest to the water’s edge, engrossed in an intense game of beach volleyball with Mark, diving to save the ball, sending it soaring back over the net with triumphant smile as it smacked the sand, causing Mark to yell out a string of curses.

Chloe stayed in the deck chair under the shade of the umbrella, her sketchbook balanced on her knees as she captured the scene before her in swift, confident pencil strokes, the page slowly filling with a lively depiction of their beach day.

Fernando had moved to sit on the blanket closest to Chloe, intently watching the volleyball game, occasionally stealing glances at Chloe’s work.

A little further down the beach was Sebastian, crouched down peering into a pool crowded with tiny crabs and colourful sea anemones. He called out to the others, excitement in his voice as he discovered a vibrant starfish clinging to a rock.

As the day wore on, the friends came together for a break. Mark and Jenson collapsing onto the sand, breathless from their game. Fernando moving up to sit behind Chloe on the deck chair, Chloe putting her sketchbook back into her bag. Seb joined them, cradling his starfish discovery in a small bucket of water.

“Look what I found.” She said, holding the bucket up for everyone to see.

Chloe leaned in, her eyes sparkling with curiosity. “Woahhh, it’s so pretty, Seb. You always find the coolest stuff.”

Jenson grinned, wiping sweat from his forehead. “Anyone up for a swim?”

Mark nodded, already getting up his feet, “You know it!”

Chloe beamed, “Can we play mermaids?”

Mark, Seb and Fernando all yelled ‘yes!’ in sync and the group erupted with laughter.

thank you for reading, darlings ! remember to like and reblog ! i’ll give u a smooch if u do, luv u all !

[satrs]

i just read the cliche post and like- DAMNNNNNN

But now isagi's part got me thinking what if, milf reader??? VEKFBKSNS please i just wanna be this hot ass mom who has teens drooling on her, i dONT HAVE ANY SCENARIO IN MIND BUT PLEASEE i am begging fr

AHHHH OMG YOUR MIND!!! VSKDKXKX THANK YOU FOR THIS!!!

ＭＩＬＦ!?

ꜱʏɴᴏᴘꜱɪꜱ; ɢᴜʏꜱ ᴡʜᴏ ɪ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ᴀʀᴇ ᴍɪʟꜰ ʟᴏᴠᴇʀꜱ!

ꜰᴇᴀᴛᴜʀɪɴɢ; Isagi Yoichi. Itoshi Sae. Shidou Ryusei. Nagi Seishiro. Otoya Eita.

Tags; Age gap(they're in their early 20's, reader in her late 30's). mention of kids. breeding kink. creampie. nicknames(good boy, ma', mommy, baby). some subby guyss

ᴀʟʟ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀꜱ ᴀʀᴇ 18+!!! // ɴᴏᴛ ᴘʀᴏᴏꜰʀᴇᴀᴅ

ISAGI YOICHI.

I just knowww he's a sucker for hot MILFs ♡

He loves everything about them! He loves how they are so mature and how they're so experienced in sex life!

And you are no exception. He was always looking forward to seeing you, feeling the urge to take care of you after you had another stressful day with work and your kids :(

You jumped up and down, rocking your hips at a tantalizing speed, leaving him comepletely pussydrunk.

"Yes baby fuckkk, use me." Your aching heat clenched at his words. He was the best. Letting you use him as you pleased, getting rid of

all the stress you had throughout the day.

He threw is head back, adams apple throbbing as your rythm increased, his hands flying to take a hold of your asscheeks. "Yesyesyes, fuck!", he groaned, to lost over the feeling of you around him, subconsiously thursting his hips up into yours, causing you to moan out his name.

No man was ever able to please you like this young man did, always tending to all your needs.

ITOSHI SAE.

Hear me out. I think he would really enjoy himself a nice milf.

It’s just something about you that makes his cock stir in his pants, probably the fact that you were so ridiculously beautiful, aging like fine wine.

He loves and worshippes every single part of your body, from your pregnancy strechmarks to your amazing thighs. And he never failed to let you know how beautiful you were.

"God.", you sighed out, hand threading into his red locs. "Don't stop Sae, oh shit!" You moans caused the man to groan into your aching heat, hands firmly griping your thighs, holding you in place, wide open for his mouth to devour.

Your legs started to lock around his head, almost robbing his breath. But he didn't mind. Hell, he would die a happy man if he were to die being suffocated by your elegant thighs.

It barely took you one more flick of his tongue to succumb to him, legs shaking at the hard impact of your orgasm. He lapped up your juices, overstimulating you in the process.

"Fuck, I could do this all day."

SHIDOU RYUSEI.

He is literally obsessed with MILFs idc.

Would do ANYTHING for a gorgeous woman like yourself.

Suck your sore titties? Done. Feed your baby because you’re so exhausted? Already finished. Fucking your brains out while your child is at daycare? Oh, he loves that.

He always tells you how he would love to have kids with you himself, knowing they would be beautiful given to your genetics.

„Yeah? You like that ma‘? I know you do.“

Whines and whimpers escaped your plumb lips, his cock drilling in and out of you from behind at an rapid pace.

„Yes Ryusei! I love it, love it!“ you slurred put incoherent words of praise into the pillow, causing the mans chest to swell with pride.

„I‘ll fill you up so good, make you a mommy again. Whatcha say?��

You whined at that, back arching even further and the image of him filling you to the brim with his juice heavy in your mind.

Maybe another child would be nice, right?

NAGI SEISHIRO.

Loves them bc he is so lazy urgh

You just take such great care of him, not letting him lift a finger and you never complain about him ever.

And to top it all of, you were so incredibly sexy, he couldn’t wrap his mind around it.

He just feels like being in heaven when he rings at your doorbell late at night when your kid is asleep, begging you to take care of him :(

„You’re such a good boy you know that right, Sei'?“ you questioned while your slim fingers stroked his throbbing cock.

„Mhmm, yes mommy. Such a good boy for you. Only you“ he whined, dangerously close to his orgasm.

„Well then“, you began, pace of your hand increasing, stimulating his sensitive tip with your tumb, „prove it to me and cum, babyboy.“

He was a slave to you and your words, immediately cumming all over your hand and his pelvis.

Whispers of thanks spilled from his lips, „Thank you so much mommy.“

OTOYA EITA.

MILF hunter🤷🏽‍♀️

Being a single mom is not for the weak, causing you to sometimes be more dominant with the people around you.

He just loves when you put him into him place, calming him down from his prideful behavior

Acting like a careless and heartbreaking playboy? Nah, not around your watch.

"So good, you feel so good", eita commented, dick silding in and out of your squeezed together thighs. "Mhm? think you deserve to be inside of me?", you inquired in a teasing manner, smirk adoring your lips at his ragged breathing.

He didn't say anything, already knowing the answer. "That's what I thought. Next time, you better not act out of line again, hm?"

Even though he was on top of you, you were the one in control. Always.

He nodded, completely falling under our spell, enjoying the feeling of your plush thighs around his aroused length.

ᵃˡˡ ᶜᵒⁿᵗᵉⁿᵗ ᵇᵉˡᵒⁿᵍˢ ᵗᵒ k-azus.°

[redfountainpostin]

Sky AND Brandon can't boil water. Brandon was taught everything that a Prince and a Protector should know and cooking isn't one of those things. His family is super proud of him but because of his duty, he was raised away from them from a very early stage, so when he came back as a young it was like "Our son! The noble protector of the Crown! The sword and shield of the future of Eraklyon!" and then "Oh no, he can't cook a packet of instant noodles, what did they do to our baby".

Timmy can cook very nicely because it was a bonding activity for his family- he has a large family so no, they don't always cook all together but whenever someone cooks there's at least 1 more person helping and one more person keeping company by the kitchen counter. They are very well off, but don't have a housekeeper simply because they choose not to (can't relate). It is a large house full of chaos and love.

Helia is meh because his family does have a housekeeper who also did the cooking, he usually would put something together if the housekeeper called in sick or he ate all the leftovers before her next visit (he's an only child and his parents were often away) because he doesn't like a lot of takeout but as he grew older, if there was no prepared food in the house he'd just go to a restaurant. (And yes, it is as ridiculous as it sounds, just imagine a 12 year old Helia in the Ritz sitting at table for 1 having a steak and an apple juice in a crystal glass. He always behaved BEAUTIFULLY tho the staff loved him. And he always got a fruit cup for dessert, sometimes to go so he'd have it on the steps of some museum like the Gossip Girl characters have their's in front of the MET)

Nabu is a great cook, and he actually went on a course for that one summer.

Riven was at first a Winx level cook (meaning, he's a danger to society. You'd think he's super adapt at all the chores and stuff, bc he's not from a fancy background, but he's actually so fucking underprivileged he's as clueless as Sky and Brandon because uh. You need to have a house to do housechores. He never cleaned a thing in his life, never hung a picture on a wall or put together an IKEA desk, let alone cooked something. HOWEVER, he got sent to kitchen duty as detention so many times he's actually really good at cooking now, and is actually now very well educated in how to make food as nutritiously dense as possible, while keeping it tasty. Because that's what Red Fountain cooks focus on.

[wordy-little-witch]

Incorrect quotes bc I need some dopamine-

It's long and this is a mix of shit I've heard in my life, random scenes my brain conjures up, and the result of a ridiculous amount of cold medicine.

Roger pirates edition!!!!

Roger: hey buglet, what have you got there?

Buggy: a bomb! :o3

Roger: .... ah. Seems like something a responsible parent would never let their child play with.

Buggy: :o(

Roger: good thing I'm a captain!

Buggy: :oD

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Shanks: Bugs?

Buggy: what?

Shanks: would you love me if I was a worm?

Buggy: .... hmmm....

Shanks: you have to think about it?!??

Buggy: well duh! We're pirates! We're on a pirate ship, dumbass! How would I keep a worm alive, let alone happy and safe, on a pirate ship?? Not to mention all the different species of worms! What kind of worm would you be?? What kind of care would you need? It's a big question- *goes on a tangent about worms, worm care, and is slowly working himself into a panic*

Shanks, who just heard a landlocked girl ask her boyfriend it and wanted to ask buggy bc he thought it would annoy him: .... a h

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Rayleigh: .... what do you have there, Captain?

Roger, holding a baby in a treasure chest and another, smaller baby in his sash: an ADVENTURE!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Gabban, trying to teach the kids their numbers: one~ twoo~ threeee~

Shanks: t'wee!!!

Gabban: right! And what comes after three? Do you know, Buggy?

Buggy, with the confidence of a pirate toddler: FUCK!!

Gabban:

Rayleigh, appearing out of thin air, menacing smile in place: :)

Gabban: :/

Buggy and Shanks: :D fuck fuck fuck!!!

Rayleigh: remind me to kill Roger later, please.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Crocus: alright boys. Let's work on that math, okay? So, Bug, if you had seven treasure chests-

Buggy: yesss!!!

Crocus: focus! Seven treasure chests. Now Shanks asks for three of them. How many treasure chests would you have left?

Buggy: seven.

Crocus: no, Shanks asked for three of them.

Shanks: it's okay, Buggy, you can keep your treasure!

Crocus: no- I- okay, Buggy has seven chests. I ask for three of them. How many do you have left?

Buggy: seven.

Crocus: okay, I'm not asking, I am taking the three treasure chests by force. How many do you have now.

Buggy: seven and a corpse.

Crocus: .....

Shanks: ......

Buggy: ......

Crocus: ................ is this why Rayleigh made math time my job

Buggy: probably. I bit him last time.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Whitebeard: Roger! I never expected you to take on children! Taking a page from my book, are you?

Roger: something like that hahaha! Eddie, meet my brats! This redhead here is Shanks, he's a tough little cookie.

Shanks: hi!!

Roger: and the bluebelle here is Buggy. He's my little cupcake!!

Whitebeard: aw, because he's small and sweet?

Roger, smiling widely: no, because cupcakes can easily contain many varieties of mortal harm, I have learned, and he is small, cute and deadly.

Buggy, pouting: it was one time!!

Roger: three times, and that's not counting that one time with Garp and the arsenic

Buggy: >:o/

Whitebeard:

The Whitebeard pirates:

Roger: isn't he the cutest??

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Marco: GET YOUR FUCKIN CLOWN-

Shanks: he don't bite

Marco, trying desperately to shake Buggy off of his leg: YES HE DO, HELP-

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy, 3 years old, slams his sippy cup onto the table top: I need a dwink.

Sunbell, trying not to laugh: aw, what's up, little man?

Buggy: S'anks is twyin' my patience. Gimme da good stuffs.

Sunbell: okay. Apple juice or-

Buggy: wum.

Sunbell:

Buggy:

Sunbell: baby bug, rum is for grown ups. How about some milk?

Buggy: no. Papa Rayray has wum when cap'in is being extra dumb. And S'anks is being extra EXTRA dumb ri' now. I need wum.

Sunbell: ...... alright then-

((He does not in face give Buggy rum, but he DOES make a point of saving a small rum bottle to fill with cranberry juice for future reference.))

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Rayleigh: hey, buddy, what's wrong?

Buggy: I have a headache that comes and goes.

Ray: aw, here, let's go to Crocus-

Shanks: hi, Buggy!!

Buggy: there it is.

Rayleigh: ..... yeah Crocus can't help with that.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy, laying on the deck at 3 in the morning:

Roger: bugababy, what are you doing up?

Buggy: what is the point of life, if not only to suffer? What is the purpose of being here if it's all a cyclical preordained destiny of agony and heartache? Why would the Spirits see fit to put us into this hellscape if not for their own sick amusement-?

Roger: Buggy, is this because Shanks ate your gummy worms?

Buggy: that red haired fucker knew they were mine-!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Shanks: hey, Captain? How does one confess their undying love to someone?

Roger: just because I'm with Rouge doesn't mean I know how it happened, son.

MEANWHILE

Buggy: hey, mom?

Rouge: yes, ma fleur?

Buggy: I think Shanks is in love with me.

Rouge: neat. Do you love him too?

Buggy: unfortunately.

Rouge: nice.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Rayleigh: I didn't choose parent life. Parent life came to me, mid-drink, in the form of an unhinged adult man, and then expanded further with the addition of two tiny humans.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Roger, with Shanks in a front facing baby carrier: you know what's cute than one baby?

Random pirate enemy, trying to figure out why this man showed up to a fight with a baby:

Roger, turning to show Buggy in a carrier on his back: two babies!!!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy @ Garp: were it not for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you.

Gabban:

Shanks:

Rayleigh:

Roger: I mean.... we're pirates, so laws-

Garp, sweating, who just set down a draw 4 in Oro Uno: No, kid's right, gotta listen to the law

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Rayleigh: I have no fear

Shanks, pale and shaking: Buggy hasn't slept in two days he's making bombs

Rayleigh: I have several fears.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Sengoku: Garp, you've been acting strange ever since you came back from your last excursion.

Garp: no i haven't.

Sengoku: you just leveled a circus tent after seeing a bunch of clowns.

Garp, having flashbacks to being bitten by a tiny clown, thousand yard stare: their joyful levity is a lie

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: if I had a nickel for every time I had a traumatic experience on this damn crew, I'd have enough to pay for my therapy bills.

Shanks: if I had a nickel for every traumatizing experience I had here, I'd have enough to pay for my drinking problem.

Gabban, looking at the 11 year olds: .... maybe pirates aren't built for being parents.......

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Whitebeard: I fear no man.

Also Whitebeard, thinking on that first time he interacted with Buggy one on one: but that thing..... it scares me.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

BONUS CROSS GUILD CONTENT

Buggy: it's hard being Easy, Breezy, Beautiful, Cover Girl, but a bitch makes due

Crocodile: how did you survive this far

Buggy: I may have had rabies

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Mihawk: why does Shanks huddle in a corner when someone plays circus music

Buggy: bullseyes are red.

Mihawk: what does that have to do with-

Buggy: throws a knife and hits dead center of an apple, some unknown source playing circus music in the background

Mihawk:

Buggy:

Mihawk: this explain so much and yet so little

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Crocodile: have you been sneaking money

Buggy: I would love to do that, but unfortunately the clap of my big dumpy cheeks would alert you to my hiding place.

Mihawk, fighting a migraine: do you ever think before you speak

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: hey, want a card reading?

Crocodile: a what

Mihawk: you read cards?

Buggy, laying a card down: oh, look it's a Caterpie.

Croc+Hawk:

Buggy: I means you're a douchebag.

((Buggy does in fact read tarot cards, smth he and Mihawk eventually bond over))

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy, after almost dying part 2847164917: no mister reaper we have to stop meeting like this....

The guy who just shot him with seastone: what the fu-

[adaptacy]

You mind writing a little Johnny Slaughter thing where the reader is southern, too? Not from Texas, but maybe from a whole nother state like Louisiana or Mississippi. Like, *really* southern- thick drawl, sassy attitude n everything. If it's not too much to ask, could the reader first start out as a victim? But the thing is, they're not really one to mess with. They're witty, quick, and honestly a bit of an asshole. They're worried about themselves- going as far as to sacrifice the other survivors to ensure their own survival. Maybe even off one themselves, quickly realizing that they like killing just as much as the rest of the family. Love ur work! (Also, have you heard about the new Nancy leaks? I'm so excited to see her, you have no idea.)

OMG OFC WAIT THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUN!!

i love requests ongogngrij

also YES!! I love her so much!! i saw someone (i think it was creepling's post) about what Nancy would think about johnny getting a soft spot for someone and oh god the brain juice started flowing with that. i think her and johnny will def be my mains bcs ive been dying for another female family member that isnt sissy (no hate to sissy, but i tried her and she just wasnt as fun as johnny)

anyways anyways anyways, here you go! this is gonna be fluff, but if you want an nsfw part lmk and i can make that work ;) <333 hope you enjoy!!

this is gonna be kinda cheesy and cute aside from the death (whoops) but if i do an nsfw it'll be more serious. i just thought this would be a good opportunity to write a jaw-dropped johnny who's like "oh shit i think im in love"

"The hell you wantin' now?!" You snarled, cracking your neck as you squared off with a man nearly twice your size. He was used to this kind of fighting back, but there was something about your volume, your genuine anger that was new to him. It was intriguing. He almost wanted to study your brain before he ate it.

"All that, and you still got caught, sweetpea. Ain't that quite the case of karma?" Johnny chuckled, casually spinning his blade in his hand. Beneath his feet was a brunette boy, far too bloodied to be anywhere near alive. You didn't know him, didn't care about him, and you were far more concerned with your own well-being than the safety of some stranger.

"Don't tell me yer gettin' cocky now, pretty boy?" You laughed. You'd wrestled unruly gators twice his size, you could manage this egotistical megalomaniac. Hell, you didn't win a championship in bull-riding for sweet talking it.

"Ain't you a little too pretty to be talkin' so much?" Johnny pouted, sulking closer with his head tilted.

"Ain't you a little too muscular to be flirtin' with yer food?" You rolled your eyes, gripping the kitchen knife tighter in your hand. He'd been so preoccupied with the random teenagers to keep an eye on you, exactly as you'd planned. While they were playing duck duck goose in the rickety basement, you'd been granted easy access to the family house. And with it, the kitchen. And with that, the knives.

Your knife was much larger than his, and it made up for the size difference between your bodies. You knew for a fact he was underestimating you, most people did. They thought you were all bark and no bite, but your bark was only really half your bite.

"I've made pie with apples mer fearsome than you," you teased. The man furrowed his eyebrows, seeming a little stung by your remark.

"The hell you from, anyways?" He shook his head, still not letting his guard down, but he seemed to be a little less on the offense.

"Louisiana, born 'n raised. Ain't you able to tell? Or you too dumb for that?"

"Drop the damn knife," Johnny demanded, and you couldn't help but laugh. Literally laugh. Not just giggle, not just chuckle, not just scoff- full-on laugh at his attempt.

"Or what? You gon' stab me with that there lil butterfly blade?" You mused, waving a hand in the air. "I'd like to see you try," you added, your tone a little lower.

Johnny opened his mouth to reply, but there was a voice from behind him, instead. "You-- You killed them! You killed all of them!" A female yelled, sounding hurt and angry. Both of you paused your bickering to turn towards an angry girl, a small pointy bone in her hand. "You killed my sister!"

Johnny scoffed, looking the girl up and down. You eased up as well, watching the interaction. "Ain't you see we was talkin'? Could'a waited your darn turn, missy," you grumbled, finding the interruption rather rude. The girl turned to you, her eyes wide.

"You-- You're that bitch at the bar! You gave my friend a concussion!" She accused, and you scoffed.

"Now, I would neva-- Oh, oh, she's yer friend? Well ain't that right rich! Small world, ain't it?" You laughed, reminiscing on the bar fight you'd gotten into after some city boy claimed he could take more rye whiskey than you. You were practically raised- hell, made out of whiskey. You had to show him up, obviously. It wasn't your fault his little girlfriend couldn't handle him losing.

It seemed as if the girl couldn't choose between who to attack, but when she finally did make up her mind, you found yourself in the hot seat. You assumed it was because she was more confident taking down you than she was taking down the man, but it was merely another case of underestimation. She swung the bone shiv towards you, and although Johnny stepped forward to do something, you had it handled.

You were the last woman who needed a man to rescue her. 'Specially against a pipsqueak like this chick was. As she rushed forward, you drove the kitchen knife directly into the girls gut. You weren't sure what possessed her to make such a foolish move as to charge at a woman with a knife, but it made for an easy means of defense. The brunette gurgled as blood splattered onto your mouth, hitting your cheek as she fell over your arm, eventually collapsing.

You twisted the knife out of the girls gut, reaching up and wiping the blood off of your cheek-- or, trying to, anyways, but you only really managed to smear it on your face. You scoffed in irritation, wiping the blood off on your shirt, and doing the same with the knife. After all, you didn't want to risk damaging the blade from the blood. It seemed like a good quality vegetable slicer.

With a simple clearing of your throat, you shook the girl off of your leg, looking back at your opponent. He was frozen in place, his eyebrows furrowed and his face contorted in a mix of confusion and disgust. "Now, where was we at? Them city girls just ain't got no manners. Momma neva raised 'em right," you complained, giving the kitchen knife a once-over before looking back at Johnny.

He blinked, remaining silent.

"You still home, or you gone out to get groceries?" You frowned, confused as to why he wasn't responding. You snapped your fingers and swung your weight onto one leg, placing your free hand on your hip. "Mister muscles? You missin' yer brain?"

"Who are you?"

You chuckled, shaking your head. "I was merely defendin' myself. Ain't nuthin' special 'bout it. Now, where's we at? You still wanna go, pretty boy?"

Johnny licked his lips, pulling his head back. He tucked his knife into his pocket, and a small smile spread over his face. "You wanna go out sometime?"

"Kidnappin' and threatenin' a woman ain't no way to get 'em in yer bed," you scolded, tilting your head. "I know yer mama's taught you better'n that. Ain't she?"

"You like rye whiskey?"

You smirked. "That's more like it. Count me in."