#bc i really do have to finish strong this semester | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

heyiwrotesomethings · 2 years ago

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I had this idea soely bc of Wednesday on netflix: Mitsuri x a rather unexpressionable, cold, and blunt reader who ended up being roomates in a Modern AU. Kinda like enemies to friends to lovers because of how unintentionally rude the reader is to Mitsuri after finding out she had to room with a touchy and bubbly muti-colored haired woman. And maybe they fall in-love with eachother when reader defends Mitsuri from a rather rude student with their harsh words?

Woe-oh the Misery

Mitsuri Kanroji x She/Her Reader Modern AU

A/N: I really liked this idea. I finished Wednesday a couple weeks ago and I thought it was pretty good! Unfortunately I couldn’t get a lot of enemies storyline in here because I’m trying to make my stuff not so long. Hope it’s still acceptable, thanks for reading! Word Count: 4,864

Mitsuri had been so excited for the beginning of the new semester. A fresh start at a new university, new room, new roommate. She could hardly wait! She even arrived a few days early to settle in and decorate her side of the room.

She fluffed her pillows and straightened her mountain of fuzzy blankets and plushies. Her roommate could be coming at any time today! Mitsuri could honestly say she knew nothing about the girl other than her name. She had tried looking her up on all the usual social media sites to try to connect before the semester began, but her search yielded absolutely nothing.

That didn’t bother Mitsuri too much. She found it admirable that her future roomie didn’t have a social media presence. Sometimes Mitsuri wanted to throw her phone out of the window, but then how else would she see all the cute and colorful things she liked? Gain affirmations and praise for her art and cute outfits? It was just too bad that there were also mean-spirited people that came around to try to negate those kind words.

Mitsuri had just straightened one of her frilly heart pillows for the twelfth time when she heard a thump and the door begin to rattle. She was so excited, Mitsuri didn’t know what to do with herself. All of how she had planned to introduce herself escaped her brain entirely.

The door swung out and Mitsuri nearly went out with it, a bright smile accompanying her glittering eyes. She braced herself against the doorframe with both hands on either side, leaning out into the hall, she came face to face with her new roommate.

“Howdy, roomie!” She nearly squealed, wiggling excitedly.

Her roommate’s stunned silence was enough to give Mitsuri a moment of pause and actually take in her appearance.

She was… very monochrome.

“You are exceedingly colorful, simply looking at you burns. I think you may permanently damage my retinas. Excuse me.”

Mitsuri blinked, then slowly stepped aside to allow her roommate, (Y/n), inside. She watched (Y/n) survey her side of the room, biting her inner lip when when she saw the muted look of displeasure that came over (Y/n)’s otherwise emotionless face.

“And decor to match… horrifying.”

“Do you need help bringing your stuff in? I’m pretty strong.” Mitsuri flexed jokingly, but (Y/n) looked unamused.

“Touch my belongings without my explicit consent, and you may have your muscles peeled from your bones. Some of these artifacts are quite temperamental.”

Mitsuri wisely hung back after that comment and instead watched from the sidelines as (Y/n) brought her belongings in. Everything (Y/n) owned seemed to be black, white, or some shade of grey.

“Looks like I’m not the only matching one.” Mitsuri smiled shyly. This was a bit of an uncomfortable introduction, but maybe (Y/n) was just having a bad day, or she was anxious around new people. Mitsuri could understand that. They could still be friends!

“Yes. I prefer these as they are not a total assault on the senses.” (Y/n) replied bluntly. “Perhaps I should invest in two curtains. One to block the sun from that oversized window, and another to obscure your side of the room.”

Okay, laying it on a little too thick there…

Mitsuri shook her head. She was going to make this work! She stepped forward, arms outstretched,

“Well, I’m glad you’re here! Welcome new bestie!”

Before Mitsuri could completely envelop (Y/n) in her arms, the monochromatic girl took a step back, her fingertips pressed high against Mitsuri’s chest to keep her from following through.

“Hug me, and that may just be the last thing you ever do.” She warned in a soft monotone. Almost like a buzzing of an angry bee.

“O-oh… kay.”

Mitsuri slowly lowered her arms and then (Y/n) lowered her own hand in turn.

“I must unpack the rest of my belongings. I think I will start with mounting my katana collection on the wall. If you are as loud as the colors you wear, we may have,” she half-unsheathed a sword to check the sharpness of the blade, “to correct that.” She then fully sheathed the katana again with a click that made Mitsuri flinch.

Mitsuri was almost certain weapons like that were not allowed on campus, but she didn’t feel safe enough at the moment to tell (Y/n) that.

“I’ll just, um, leave you to it then…” Mitsuri fiddled with the end of one of her braids. Maybe just one more attempt at being friendly? “Would you like to get dinner at the cafeteria together after?”

Mitsuri did not receive a reply. Instead (Y/n) kept her back to her as she began nailing a rack to the wall beside her bed. Mitsuri knew that was also against the university’s dorm policies, but she doubted (Y/n) cared.

“Okay… good talk.” Mitsuri decided to grab her ID and her phone to go eat dinner early before the dining room got too crowded. Maybe (Y/n) would be a little more relaxed once she got all settled in. She stopped just before closing the door, keeping her head inside the room, but giving herself enough cover that she could quickly dodge any pointy projectiles.

“See you later, roomie.”

“Begone already, harbinger of glitter and pink. Do not tease me with your impending departure so.” (Y/n) drawled, giving Mitsuri a dismissive flick of her hammer before continuing on.

Mitsuri closed the door and briefly rested her back against the wood with a disappointed frown.

This new chapter in her life was already not quite going how she had imagined it would. She could only hope (Y/n) would come around eventually, but for now… Mitsuri clenched her fists, determined. For now, she would do her best to really put herself out there and make some friends.

***

And Mitsuri did manage to make a few friends over those first couple weeks. She met Kyoujirou at a free Zumba lesson and they got along very quickly, soon becoming workout buddies. They would meet up for free class events at least three times a week, always texting photos of flyers they would find around campus. And of course they always had to go out to eat afterwards, so they were always looking for the poor college student deals for meals as well. The community learned to fear those two when they would come in together.

Then she had met Shinobu in the bookstore. Shinobu had helped her figure out how to find her books and they realized that they shared a class and both were planning on joining the bee keeping club. Though Shinobu was interested in the science of entomology, Mitsuri shyly admitted that though the bees were cute, she was more interested in the honey they’d get to bring home. Shinobu chuckled, assuring her that it was just as valid a reason as any.

She met Obanai during a late breakfast one day. Since the cafeteria was crowded, she asked to sit with him. He reminded her a bit of her roommate in monochrome, only he at least made attempts to be friendly despite his obvious discomfort. Mitsuri had been embarrassed for not realizing it sooner, but he had also been the one to help her navigate through the arts building when she was one more wrong turn away from openly sobbing. He had helped her find her classroom before she could be late.

Now if only she could get along with her gloomy and macabre roommate. Well, it wasn’t like they didn’t get along. That would imply more antagonism and contempt than there really was. (Y/n) could be blunt and rude at times, but she was mostly quiet and respectful of Mitsuri’s space.

Except for that one time Mitsuri had been accidentally listening to K-pop without headphones. She thought that (Y/n) was genuinely going to kill her there for a second, but she simply glared at her (more intensely than usual) from her side of the room. That could have been because of her aversion to color, but Mitsuri wasn’t entirely convinced that (Y/n) wasn’t a vampire and could only come to her side of the room if invited. But honestly, that possibility didn’t scare Mitsuri, what did disturb her was that (Y/n) didn’t like Twice. Who didn’t like Twice!? Regardless, Mitsuri believed (Y/n) must be nice under all of her, um, spookinesses.

Even though weeks had passed since the semester had started, Mitsuri couldn’t find it in herself to give up on becoming friends with (Y/n). She made sure to give her a wide berth, but she still tried to forge a connection between them.

“I think it’s really cool how good you are with swords. Do you think you could teach me something about them sometime?”

“I haven’t the time nor desire.”

“I heard there is a scary movie marathon on the student-run television station this weekend. It’s not really my thing… but I’d watch it with you if you want!”

“The fake gore disappoints me.”

Attempt after attempt, olive branch after olive branch, but (Y/n) didn’t bite. Well, she did threaten to on the couple of occasions that Mitsuri forgot that (Y/n) didn’t like to be touched. She just couldn’t help it sometimes! Not when (Y/n) looked so much like a grumpy kitten!

Her friends had told her on numerous occasions to give up on her already, but that just didn’t sit right with Mitsuri. She continued to talk to (Y/n), even if she said nothing in return, and she kept inviting her to tag along to various parties and events until one day, she was actually taken up on an offer.

“Hey, I need to find old stuff to make a sculpture for a class. There is this creepy antique shop nearby that I’m not too excited to visit for supplies, but I think you’d like it so will you come with me? Make sure I don’t get cursed?” She half joked.

(Y/n) peered at Mitsuri over the worn book she had been reading, and Mitsuri was surprised when (Y/n) closed the tome and set it aside.

“It’s been awhile since I had a good curse thrust upon me. I can’t have any wasted on you, so I suppose I’ll accompany you just this once.”

“Really?” Mitsuri beamed.

“Dim yourself before I change my mind.” (Y/n) warned, shielding her eyes as if she were looking at the sun.

“Sorry!” Mitsuri shrunk back a bit, chagrined.

“Don’t apologize. Just,” (Y/n) sighed softer than a passing breeze. She presented her open hand and slowly lowered her fingers to her thumb, “You tend to talk loudly. It rattles my brain and although not entirely unpleasant, it makes people stare at you more than they already do, and when people stare, I find myself wishing to gouge out their eyes. Regretfully, going to prison would interfere with my four year plan timeline. You understand.”

“Yeah,” Mitsuri smiled worriedly, a bead of sweat rolled down her cheek, “totally.”

“Lead the way then.”

(Y/n) followed Mitsuri down the sidewalk, listening to her blabber away about her classes, bee keeping and the like. Her voice fluctuated in volume when she got particularly excited or remembered a ‘juicy’ detail pertaining to whatever story she chose fit to retell. If it bothered (Y/n), she kept it to herself, but if anyone so much as looked at Mitsuri the wrong way, (Y/n) sent deathwaves in their direction.

Ordinarily, (Y/n) couldn’t care less about the people around her. In fact, the less she had to interact with them the better. Mitsuri was becoming a startling outlier however. Yes, she had vibrant hair and an even brighter personality, but she was also sickeningly sweet and wore her heart on her sleeve.

A terrible place to wear one’s heart. Too easily accessible. Too easy to be stabbed, broiled, eaten… that was why (Y/n) had taken it upon herself to keep Mitsuri from harm, as best as she could anyhow. She still wasn’t exactly used to the whole, ugh, ‘caring’ thing and to be honest she was disgusted with herself for even making an effort.

But Mitsuri’s warmth was something that needed to be protected.

It is the duty of the strong to protect the sweet.

Well, Mitsuri was plenty strong on her own, but for her to use that strength in a fit of violence was apparently inconceivable to the girl. Which was a shame because (Y/n) had determined that it would be quite possible for Mitsuri to crush a human skull between her thighs. Why had she determined such a thing? Anyone dare ask and they would find themselves mummifying in a bog.

“Oh my gosh, it’s even creepier up close!” Mitsuri whined, causing (Y/n) to tune back in to the world around her.

The antique shop looked as if it was an antique itself. It almost didn’t look like it should be in business at all, but the dusty open sign on the door suggested otherwise.

“Are we going in, or not?”

“Can, could you go first maybe? Please?”

(Y/n) sighed inwardly before stepping forward. A little bell chimed the moment she opened the door. She walked inside with Mitsuri following close behind.

“Good afternoon!” The elderly woman, (because of course an elderly woman would be running the antique shop) called. “If you have any questions, just yell. Hearings’ not what it used to be.”

“Thank you!” Mitsuri smiled shyly before tentatively moving about the dusty store.

(Y/n) followed, reguarding the items they passed with muted interest. Most of it looked like trash to her, but there were some promising looking items.

Mitsuri suddenly yelped and staggered back, tripping on an uneven floorboard. She braced herself to hit the ground, but instead she was caught. Looking up, she found (Y/n)’s unamused eyes boring into her. She stared back, frozen.

“I will drop you if you continue to make no effort to right yourself.” (Y/n) warned in a soft tone that sent a shiver up and down Mitsuri’s spine.

For a moment, Mitsuri assumed it was a response based in fear, but her face felt too warm for that to be the case. She quickly apologized and stood on her own once more.

“What disturbed you?” (Y/n) asked, peering behind Mitsuri.

“Look there, isn’t that so sad?”

Mitsuri pointed at a nearby shelf of several taxidermied creatures depicting an array of puns. It made (Y/n) shudder. Puns.

“How gauche.”

“The sooner we’re done here, the better.”

So they continued on through the creepy little shop of curiosities. Mitsuri did find some things for her sculpture, more than she could carry. She was surprised when (Y/n) took the pile from her arms.

“I will bring these to the front. Don’t touch anything until I get back.”

“Oh, okay, thank you.”

Mitsuri watched (Y/n) go, then went back to perusing the shelves. She went deeper and deeper into the bowels of the shop. It had looked so much smaller on the outside…

“Another creepy death display… what is with this place?” Mitsuri shivered.

In the dark corner of the store, where the air was noticeably thicker, lights the dimmest they had been yet, there was a glass display case with various bugs pinned inside. It was unsettling, and something that Mitsuri would ordinarily quickly scuttle around, but she continued to look, even daring to step closer.

“Maybe this would be something Shinobu would be interested in.” She reached her hand out for the display, only to have her hand snatched away in the grasp of another, nearly making her scream until she registered the familiar black nail polish.

“Was I not clear when I told you not to touch anything while I was gone?” (Y/n) asked, pulling Mitsuri further away from the display.

“Y-yeah, but—“

(Y/n) let go off Mitsuri’s hand, almost drawing a whine from her due to the loss. She moved to stand to the side of the display and began listing off what she saw.

“White moths, black butterflies, scarabs, notably dead,” she turned to Mitsuri briefly, “an important distinction, I assure you. A bee pinned to a sliver of rotted wood, locusts, and most on the nose, a deathwatch beetle. Do you know what these represent, Kanroji?”

“Um…” Mitsuri’s face couldn’t have been warmer. She felt like she had just been cold called in class.

“They are omens of misfortune and death.”

The warmth Mitsuri had felt upon (Y/n)’s touch plummeted to freezing. She went from pink to pale in a matter of seconds.

“You asked me to make sure you didn’t get cursed on this outing. Do not act in a way that will cause me to fail.” (Y/n) glared. She took hold of Mitsuri’s wrist and looped her around the bend in the shelves, away from the dark corner.

It was a little harder to shake off the folklore lesson and continue on as they had been. But Mitsuri did find a few more things she wanted to use. She did however, cautiously point at items from then on. Her eyes big and a tad fearful as she waited for (Y/n)’s verdict.

When they finally returned to the front of the store, the old woman looked vaguely annoyed and was not nearly as pleasant as she had seemed when they first entered. She roughly bagged the purchases and sent them on their way.

“What was her problem?” Mitsuri frowned upon the door’s exiting chime.

“Probably upset that she’s failed to live her “Needful Things” fantasy. I’ll have to admit, she did have a few items I would have liked for my own collection. Perhaps I’ll return on a later date.”

“Please don’t.” Mitsuri hugged (Y/n)’s arm to her, “Let’s promise to forget that place exists, please?”

(Y/n) looked down at her arm and Mitsuri’s encircling it. A disgusting fluttering erupted in her chest and she stiffly pulled herself away. The chill that enveloped her arm at Mitsuri’s absence was like that of her family crypt but not at all pleasant.

“Fine.” She tersely agreed. Why would she agree to any of Mitsuri’s silly requests? She felt weird. And again, not a good weird.

“Thank goodness.” Mitsuri sighed in relief, “Now let’s get away from here.”

(Y/n) leaves with Mitsuri, thinking that old hag might have snuck a curse upon her somehow.

***

“I can’t believe my art will actually get to be in the exhibition!” Mitsuri excitedly told Obanai. “Freshman pieces are almost never chosen!”

“I’m happy for you Mitsuri. I know you’ve worked hard on it and I’m looking forward to seeing what you’ve been so secretive about for the past month.” Obanai said, a hint of a teasing tone coming through while his gaze turned to his feet as they walked.

He knew everything about painting except for the painting itself. Mitsuri had often vented and fretted over the work in progress to Shinobu, Kyoujirou and Obanai himself, but refused to actually describe what she was trying to depict. Something that drove Shinobu crazy in particular.

“I couldn’t just tell you what I was doing, that would ruin the impact of actually seeing it in person!” Mitsuri defended.

Her mind had been occupied by a certain ooky kooky roommate ever since a certain trip to a-place-never-to-be-brought-up-again. Those thoughts had bled into her most current project. Understandably, just the thought of telling anyone that she thought of her roommate so much that her painting was inspired by her made Mitsuri flustered. No one should be able to come to that conclusion from simply looking at it at least.

Speak of the devil, a dark figure caught Mitsuri’s eye against the colorful backdrop of fallen leaves and she lit up. It was so rare to see her roommate actually out and about, and in broad daylight no less!

Fueled by the excitement of her good news, she ran to catch up with (Y/n), pleasantly surprised that (Y/n) had stopped and turned around when she called out to her.

“(Y/n)!” Mitsuri couldn’t stop herself from grasping (Y/n)‘s cold hand in hers, “My professor asked to show one of my paintings at the next student gallery coming up. I would really appreciate it if you’d stopped by to take a look. Will you come?”

(Y/n) deliberately pulled her hand away from Mitsuri’s and gave her the same blank stare she always did, though not nearly as piercing as the girl would have liked, “I prefer the work of tortured artists. Ask me again when you are wrought with delirium and plagued with visions of death.” She said before walking away.

Mitsuri had to admit, that one hurt. She thought she was finally getting passed (Y/n)’s frigid crypt doors.

“She’s rude.” Obanai clicked his tongue, glaring at (Y/n)’s back as she walked away, “I don’t know why you even bother with her. Kochou is right, if she acts like this, it’s no wonder why she doesn’t have any friends.”

Except she didn’t feel cold to Mitsuri, she never really did. Even when she glared at Mitsuri, there was a certain softness there, hiding just below the surface. Beneath the thorns, threats, fire and brimstone, (Y/n) had a good heart. Mitsuri just knew.

It was disappointing that (Y/n) didn’t want to go to her art show, but Mitsuri understood. She knew (Y/n) well enough that a bright room filled with people was not something she would willingly subject herself to.

“She’s not bad.” Mitsuri told him, continuing in the direction of the campus coffee shop, “She’s really not.”

“Could have fooled me.” Obanai subtlety rolled his eyes as he opened the door for Mitsuri.

I’m serious.” Mitsuri smiled to herself, “She’s actually kind of sweet in her own way.”

***

Mitsuri was low key freaking out.

The gallery was opening in only a few minutes and it was only that morning that she learned that she was expected to stand beside her piece and answer questions about her artist statement to curious visitors.

She had already botched the statement by not being completely honest about her inspiration and what the painting represented to her, it would be harder to lie straight to peoples’ faces!

Mitsuri swiped the warm sweat from beneath her bangs as people slowly began filtering into the room.

Fortunately, most people seemed content to take a quick look and move on to the next work. Kyoujirou, Shinobu and Obanai also came by to keep her company for awhile and admire her painting. Shinobu did give her a bit of a hard time with her teasing questions, but overall things were going smoothly. A couple people even asked if she would consider selling the painting, but she turned them down. There was already someone she wanted to give it to.

“Are you kidding me?”

The sudden sharp voice that cut through the gentle music playing within the gallery made Mitsuri flinch. She turned to look behind her to see an unwelcome sight.

Before her was a small group, the leader was noticeably one of the upperclassman from her art class. She had always kind of given Mitsuri a hard time, but after she found out that Mitsuri’s art would be showcased over her own, she had gotten worse.

“You really used water color as the medium? What do you think this is, kindergarten?” Her lackeys snickered around her, making Mitsuri shrink back.

“Water color is as beautiful and meaningful a medium as any other.” Mitsuri defended, though her body language was far from confident. If only Kyoujirou, Obanai or Shinobu were still meandering around!

“That spot should be mine,” the woman glowered, her underlings brought attention to the covered canvas carried between them, “so take that off of the wall and get out of my way, okay? I’m taking my spot.”

“I…” Mitsuri pursed her lips and looked down at her feet.

What good would it do to argue? The gallery would be open for another two hours. She really didn’t think she could stand her ground for that long, she didn’t want to. She should just take her things and go…

“Too slow.” The woman reached her hand out to take the painting down herself. She certainly didn’t look like she would be gentle about it either.

But her hand was quickly snatched up, bent at a painful looking angle by a hand with black colored nails.

“Don’t you know you are not permitted to touch the masterpieces on exhibit, or are you really that moronic?”

“(Y/n)!” Mitsuri clasped her hands to her chest, eyes gleaming.

(Y/n)’s eyes found hers, keeping her tight hold on the upperclassman’s awkwardly bent hand, she gave Mitsuri a slow blink of acknowledgment before stepping closer to the upperclassman, further bending her hand backwards.

“Ow! Let go of me, freak!”

“I can make this so much more worse for you, believe me.”

Mitsuri swallowed thickly. How did (Y/n) manage to frown in such away that it almost looked like a smile in the right light?

One of the upperclassman’s goons tried to push (Y/n) away, but her other hand shot out, a small knife glinting in the light forced the goon back with a fearful yelp.

When (Y/n) was sure they would not step up again, she leveled the blade with the upperclassman’s face.

“You want to be recognized for your trash so badly? It may help to cut of a phalange or too,” she lightly skimmed the knife against their cheek,” perhaps an earlobe?”

“Let me go,” the upperclassman’s eyes were fearful “let me go, I’ll leave! I promise I’ll leave!”

“Apologize for your insolence.”

“I’m sorry!”

“Not me, her.” (Y/n)’s eyes flickered to Mitsuri who was still standing dumbstruck by the display before her. How was no one else seeing this?

“I’m sorry! So, so sorry!” The upperclassman yelped again.

Seemingly satisfied, (Y/n) let her go. The upperclassman stumbled back into her lackeys, into her canvas as well, bending it, then they all fled the gallery together, only looking back to make sure (Y/n) wasn’t chasing them.

The knife disappeared up (Y/n)’s sleeve as she turned to face Mitsuri fully. There were a lot of things Mitsuri thought to say, but ultimately they only two words she could push through her lips were,

“You came.”

“I just happened to be in the area.” (Y/n) informed, looking elsewhere until her eyes caught sight of Mitsuri’s painting. She moved in for a closer look.

The canvas was about a square foot in size. In the foreground, there was a branch mostly bare, save for a few sparse clusters of petals. Cherry blossoms if (Y/n) were to guess. The detail was exquisite and the branch almost seemed to leap off of the page, but perhaps more prominent focal point of the piece was the black raven perched on one of the thicker limbs. It’s beak was nuzzled against one of the clusters of blossoms, it’s eye stared into the painting’s viewer, as if warning them away from the sparse blossoms, protecting them from scattering too early.

“It’s ah,” (Y/n) flinched minutely at Mitsuri’s voice, “probably too plain, huh?”

“Not at all.” She disagreed. “Don’t belittle yourself in my presence. Don’t belittle yourself at all, because I will find out and I will punish you accordingly.”

“Okay!” Mitsuri squeaked.

They stood quietly side by side while people moved around them to other exhibits. After a long moment of silence, (Y/n) spoke again,

“I have deduced that you are the sakura blossoms, but what does the raven represent. You seem vague about it in your statement.”

Mitsuri’s face grew pinker as she tried to find a tactful way to answer. She hadn’t expected (Y/n) to come, she had hoped to tell her in the safety and privacy of their dorm room.

“You don’t need to tell me if it distresses you, but I do enjoy watching you squirm.”

That only made Mitsuri blush more furiously, made her brain spin and stomach flip-flop. When another barely there smile graced (Y/n)’s face once more, Mitsuri became completely unintelligible.

Finally Mitsuri took her own painting off of the wall and thrust it into (Y/n)’s hands before hiding her face behind her fingers.

“For you.” She said hurriedly.

(Y/n) cocked her head to the side and looked down at the painting in its new angle.

“Really?”

Mitsuri nodded, face still covered. Which was a shame, because she missed the bashful expression that crossed (Y/n)’s face for all of two seconds.

“I know just where I’ll hang it up in our room then. Thank you. However, the event has not yet ended, so let’s keep it here for now.”

(Y/n) spoke so softly that Mitsuri lowered her hands to reveal a small smile that only grew the longer (Y/n) stayed beside her.

“Are you keeping me company?”

“I suppose. This is mostly as a precaution to make sure no other entitled fools try anything.”

Mitsuri stood a little closer then. Close enough to brush against (Y/n)’s arm. It wasn’t to hug she wanted to give her, but in a public place like this it seemed more appropriate for someone as reserved as (Y/n). But the slight pressure still made her heart race because (Y/n) pressed back and held the position.

#demon slayer oneshots #kny oneshots #demon slayer x reader #kny x reader #mitsuri kanroji x reader #mitsuri x reader #asks #anonymous

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sugar-omi · 6 months ago

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honestly all that was sooo what i needed to hear rn bc a girls been STRESSED so thank you <3 😭

i'm gonna major in biotechnology! i went to a votech and that was my trade there and i loved it so i wanna continue studying it. not totally sure what job i want yet so i don't know how much schooling i'll do but yeah! :D

BIOTECH??? THAT SOUNDS SO COOL N SO COMPLICATED please i literally had to google that shit bc idk what it entails but this is some big brain shit, n all i gotta say is good luck n i am cheering you ON!!🎉🫶🫶

although i think you got this in the bag already. anyone with the balls to do something so advanced. is a very smart n strong person. from what im reading on google this is some really cool shit, no matter what direction you go with it. n you have your work cut out for you, but i know you got this!!

so don't doubt yourself!! you got this!!! your brain is huge n you are powerful!!!!

n of course!!! i figured saying something like that would help with anyones anxiety, because really, its the pressure (even if they're not actually pressuring you) and the overwhelm of questions and expectations that make the future so stressfullll

*ramble utc because i... cannot help yapping i guess LOL and while i'd usually be embarrassed and delete my ramble n word vomit, but i figure someone else readding this may appreciate the relatability of what i have to say about my fams reaction to my plan after hs, and find some comfort in my word, if thats not to presumptuous

because i decided to take a gap year (it's been a year since i graduated, for reference), and everyone freaked out. my mom n uncles first reaction was "yeah well, you won't go if you do..." before they came around n agreed with my reasoning. and my dad was all "if i had it my way, you'd go full time--" (mind u, he likes to brag that he worked n went to school full time AND partied.... he did not finish college LMAO) and when i graduated, said to me a MONTH. AFTER MY GRADUATION. "if you're not going to college any time soon, go into the air force."

and when my extended family would ask my plans, and i only had a short "i'm just gonna take a break right now, figure some things out, work... and by then i'll have come to a decision." because i was tossing around the thought of art school, and then i thought abt getting an english degree to be either a teacher or go into writing/editing, journaling or whatever... but was also tossing around the thought of psychology and even real estate. my ideas for my future were absolutely jumbled, and i was torn between what would make money, what i loved, and what i was interested in that i thought could be a career.

it's tough. especially depending on your financial situation yknow, so your thought process always leads towards something profitable but also wanting to do something you enjoy, maybe even love, but not wanting to burn out and tarnish your beloved hobby/hobbies.

like while i did have people who supported me upfront, and never doubted my plan, it's the small things too yknow. because for months my dad's words haunted me, i felt like i wasn't doing enough. or when i met family, and they asked how it was going, or what i was doing now, i felt disappointed that my answer was always "i haven't been doing anything. just been sleeping, drawing, writing..." or eventually that and "practiced driving.. n that's about it."

or when i'd talk to close family members, and i admitted i was going through a hard time, my mental state finally falling on me now that i didn't have to be strong n power through school. i even got sick a couple times, because my body was finally feeling the stress. even now, i feel a mental lag, a fog. but i feel clearer, a bit.

but yknow, the looks and the "you said that last time" or "i think you're lying" is tough.

but at the end of the day, if not working for the summer, or not going to college for a semester, or 2, or 3, or a whole year. or if going part time, or whatever you're doing... and it benefits you, and it benefits your mental health. then do it, don't listen too much, don't feel too guilty.

because if you need it, just like i needed the time to rejuvenate, then don't listen to anyone else. don't force yourself to do anything. because if you have the ability to take a break now, do it. you're not doing this because you're lazy, or selfish, or unambitious. or anything like that. you're taking that break, you're taking this break right now, for future you.

because if you don't take it now, when will you take it? and when you do take a break... will it be at the cost of your health? will it be at the cost of something greater? when the break comes, will it come when you're being handed the gold medal you've been fighting for.. and then it slips out of your hand just like that.

anyway.. do whats best for you. what you need. don't worry about figuring things out too fast either, because in fact, i've been plotting this moment of my life for about 10 years, genuinely, and i still had to revise it. still had to come to a conclusion because even with all that plotting, it doesn't plan for the hard times. or the 'you' you are right now. you will be someone else next week. and you will be someone entirely different 2 months from now.

take your time. because if you jump into something, and are unsatisfied, or "waste" time doing something other than what you "should be doing", the time still passes.

if you "waste time" anyway, waste it on yourself. not others expectations. or wishes. or their dreams.

and once enough time passes as well, no matter what you do by then. the questions do stop coming. the weight of the future, once you get there, is suddenly not so... big. intimidating.

you do not need a grandiose plan. if you are content with the future in your mind, that is enough. because at the end of your life, who will sit in that chair and ponder the life you lived, and weight it's satisfaction, if not you?

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invisibleraven · 2 years ago

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Secret secret 48 rulie bc I live for the drama

"What's the worst teacher you've ever had?"

The question takes Reggie by surprise, making up glance up at Julie from the papers strewn before her. "Why?"

"Humour me."

He hums, thinking. "In middle school, we had this music teacher. Told us we had to sing to pass, as well as play an instrument. I was on clarinet-and awful at it. But I loved to sing."

"Still do," Julie pipes up with a smirk, and Reggie grins.

"Well yeah. Anyways, we were doing Beatles songs one week, and I fell in love. Shot my hand up every time to sing, because I wanted to pass, as well as sing these songs that had captured me. But I got skipped over every time," Reggie said. "I still passed of course. I think he forgot that caveat the second he said it, or maybe he just didn't like my voice. Either way, it turned me off that class for a long time."

"He sounds like a douche," Julie remarks.

"He was," Reggie agreed. "What about you?"

"Middle school as well, but for math," she replied. "It's never been my strong suit, but I tried you know? This lady... I don't know if she just lost the love of teaching-if she ever had it-or she just didn't like our class. But she was cruel and mean all the time. She made Flynn cry once, and I went and complained. The administrators ignored it, or gave her a warning. She only got nastier in class, especially to me. Called me some choice words."

"Geez, what a piece of work. You never tried to get a different teacher?"

Julie shook her head. "I couldn't leave Flynn. I got my parents to tutor me, and passed the course, but I asked they ensure I was never in her class again. Ironically, she went on to become a guidance counsellor. I refused to go see her after my mom got sick, even when the principal tried to insist. I told him why, but of course they didn't believe me."

"Woof. Yeah, I think you win." Reggie looked back down at the papers, then back at Julie. "Where did this question come from anyways?"

Julie glanced at the window, the increasing darkness, her walls covered with degrees and diplomas. "Am I a bad teacher?"

"What?" Reggie shot up, going over to her side, taking her hand. "No! All your students love you! They love the class, and they're doing well because of how well you teach. What ever gave you that idea?"

"Reggie," Julie looked right at him. "You know why."

Reggie slumped, letting his forehead rest against her hands, then pressed kisses against her knuckles before meeting her eyes once more. "Julie, you haven't been my teacher in a long time."

"But you're still a student. If the university found out... I can't lose you, but if anyone found out about us..." Julie couldn't finish the thought, letting the tears fall.

"Hey, yes, I am a student, but only for one more semester. You're not my professor or supervisor, and before I finally asked you out, believe me, I looked over every single university regulation," Reggie assured her. "It's frowned upon, sure, but not illegal or punishable." He sucked in a breath then, and thumbed away a streak of tears. "But if you don't want to chance it... we can call a halt to this whole thing until I graduate. It's only three more months, we can just be colleagues... friends until then."

"No," Julie said, shaking her head violently. "I meant it when I said I can't lose you. You're keeping me sane during this last few months. We just... have to be careful."

"Did someone say something?"

"No, not really. Just gossip about the other teachers checking out the new doctorate candidates, and someone said something about them drooling over me. Carrie... she said I only had eyes for cute TAs. I brushed it off, but then she said she saw how Luke and Nick looked at me, and I laughed. Told her they weren't my type."

"Yeah?" Reggie drawled. "What is your type?"

"You," Julie said, pulling him up for a tiny kiss. "God, April can't come soon enough."

"I know darlin'," Reggie said, their lips still brushing together as they talked. "Then I'll have my stupid Masters and we can just... be. Without hiding, or secrecy."

"We're still not having sex on my desk," Julie replied.

"How about home in your enormous bed?" Reggie asked.

"Did you finish grading those quizzes for Trevor?"

Reggie gave a sheepish grin as he glanced back to his abandoned paperwork and red pen. "Not quite?"

"Go get those done and then we can go, I have an essay to finish editing anyways," Julie said, pushing him away. "And no giving them all B's to make it go faster!"

"Yes ma'am," Reggie said, going back to his work. Thankfully he had been almost done earlier, so it didn't take him long. There were still a few B's, but all of them were earned, so Reggie was happy enough. He was all packed up as Julie closed her laptop, and slid it into her bag. "Meet you at home?" she asked.

"I'll grab a pizza for afterwards." Reggie then blew her a kiss and went to her door, peering out to see abandoned hallways and snuck out, whistling to himself as he went on his way. Held the elevator as he heard the click of her heels. "Professor Molina," he said with a nod.

"Mr. Peters," she replied, stepping to the other side as the janitor approached with his mop bucket, standing between them. They shared a quick glance, then looked away, biting back smiles and then going their separate ways.

But later, sated and munching on pizza in Julie's bed, Reggie smirked down at her. "So teach, how'd I do?"

"A plus cariño, A plus."

#filled prompts #ficlet #rulie #julie and the phantoms

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igarbagecannoteven · 2 years ago

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2022 Writing Evaluation

thanks so much @clumsyclifford , @allsassnoclass , & @jbhmalumm for tagging me in this! i'm gonna talk about my fics in all fandoms even tho this is my music blog bc i don't have anything separated into pseuds (i strive for chaos on my ao3 account) putting it under the cut bc i'm sure it's gonna be long lol

number of stories posted on ao3: 25! 18 in 5sos, 4 in hp, and 3 miscellaneous fandoms

word count posted for this year: 40,705

fandoms i wrote for: 5sos, hp, discworld, doctor who, & dungeons and daddies

pairings: lashton (4), cashton (3), muke (2.5) (bc they're background in one), malum (2), cake (2), mashton (1), penelope/percy (1)

story with the most kudos/bookmarks/comments: burnt eggs & broken promises has the most kudos, do you wanna touch (yeah) and permanent jet lag are tied for most bookmarks, and fear the fever has the most comments

work i’m most proud of and why: i'm proud of almost all of the work i put out this year, and there are a couple ones that immediately spring to mind, but i'm going to really come out of left field here and say Being Hannah Abbott! "but megs," you might say, "why on earth would you pick the only fic that has zero kudos? it's definitely not your best written work of the year." to which i say, true! however, i have been trying to get this fic right since 10th grade! i'm now a senior in college! "but megs it's significantly less than 1k how did it take you that long" listen! listen. sometimes. you have to wait until you're good enough to finish a fic. this has more than 5 docs of different drafts saved to my laptop. also you're forgetting the fact that i'm insane

work i’m least proud of and why: okay listen. i know it's my most kudos'd work. i know that. however i am not happy with burnt eggs and broken promises. bella left me a lovely long comment on it recently that made me rethink my feelings towards it but i still think it isn't as good as it could have been so sorry folks

share or describe a favorite review you’ve received: i love it when people tell me i made them cry it's my favorite thing in the whole world best compliment to receive imo

a time when writing was really, really hard: you're assuming i remember what i was experiencing earlier in 2022 which is where you've made your mistake slkdjflskdjf ummmm i remember have a really hard time this fall semester, especially in september/october, i just couldn't get any motivation whatsoever (which tends to be my biggest problem tbh)

a scene or character you wrote who surprised you: goood question,,, you know, i really wasn't expecting to ever write a mcu au and yet pining is a strange sort of mcu au. i originally was going to write it so one half of the pairing got lost at sea and their bf was waiting on shore not sure if they were dead or alive, but the characters did not want to be like that at all which is how i ended up with poor post-snap calum (who may be getting a happy sequel someday shhh)

a favorite excerpt of your writing: i love the transformation scene in fear the fever. i just love writing body horror for some reason and i've always had strong opinions about what i think vampires & their transformations are like physically and it was a blast to get to explore that in this fic :))

how did you grow as a writer this year? i think a lot of my growth happens slowly over time and therefore is hard to pinpoint, but i took a creative writing class in the spring on opening a novel and that helped me rethink the way i start fics now. also i learned to think more about what i want out of my fic! thinking about why i write and why i post fic really helped me realize what fic writing advice to take and what to ignore (if you're like me and the goal of a fic is to write the concept the best you can, than posts talking about how it's okay to post random, unedited snippets are not actually helpful and can actually be counter-intuitive)

how do you hope to grow next year? i really want to write more often and be more disciplined about writing. as always i want to learn how to be better in the craft aspect in general (which is a goal i expect to always have, since i'll never be perfect at it) and i'd also like to be better with subtext & symbolism & ~themes~ bc i always forget to those last two and my subtext is, in my opinion, rather lacking at the moment

who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc)? bella is the best live-in cheerleader/rubber duck a writer could ask for, and i would be royally screwed without her �� hazel is always an incredible virtual cheerleader/ideas bouncer and i am dearly in her debt, and meghna is wonderful for fueling my wacky ideas-mobile; i am incredibly lucky that they're just a discord dm away 🥰 also she's 100% not going to see this but my mom finished her mfa program this year and has been working on finishing her novel, and writing with her and talking shop together has been very helpful in keeping me at the keyboard and with more thematically technical details (little does she know it's for my rfp fanfic lol)

anything from real life show up in your writing this year? yep! lots! keep you safe (safe as i can), an hp fic, reflects some of my worries about my little bro growing up; Questions Involving Vampires & Skirts, while not reflective of my own gender, does reflect some of my weird gender-y fuckery; just dance (gonna be okay)'s michael shares my feelings regarding dancing in empty elevators; do you wanna touch (yeah) is inspired by me visiting a craft store with my fam and touching basically everything in the store; permanent jet lag is based off of flying international with my baby bro who is Very Tall; & glasses is based off of my truly awful eyesight and how i still feel like if i have my glasses off people can't perceive me lol (yes you heard it here first folks, megs has the object permanence of a toddler)

any new wisdom you can share with other writers? write! have fun with it! go to irl critique groups if possible! don't expect things to be perfect on the first draft, because most people's first drafts are shit and that's okay! challenge yourself! don't be afraid to embrace the cringe! it's okay to settle unless it's gonna make you miserable! eat your writing frogs! don't be afraid to ask for help! get a rubber duck!

any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year? i really want to finish tis the damn fic. i'd love for it to be ready to post by december. i'm kneeling at my prefrontal cortex begging it to get its shit together enough to finish it. i'd also love to finally finish my another place songfic bc that will mean my writing's reached the level where i can actually figure out how to write the dang thing which is the dream

tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: idk who all's done it/been tagged so if you've already done it just ignore me! and if you don't want to do it you can also ignore me lol but i'll tag @werewolfashton , @reveriesofawriter , @userbadomens , @calumthoodshands , @pixiegrl , @valiantnerdtm , & anyone else who wants to! (if you've been mainly writing for another fandom you can talk about that one as well/instead, all up to you!)

#tagged #the trash talks #tag game #hope this is both interesting and humorous 😌#or not! hope you hate it. i hope we both hate it hand in unlovable hand ksjdflksjdfkjsdlfjsdlkj

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arwainian · 2 years ago

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My Reading this Week

This week was my last week of classes for the fall semester, so I've been busy with prepping for presentations and final exams and final papers. However! I have done some reading, through of mix of reading on sunday and easy reading like manga, short stories and fanfiction

Finished:

Blood Sisters: Vampire Stories by Women edited by Paula Guran

Father Peña's Last Dance by Hannah Strom Martin Sun Falls by Angela Slatter Magdala Amygdala by Lucy A. Snyder The Coldest Girl in Coldtown by Holly Black In the Future When All's Well by Catherynne M. Valente

I am shocked that I managed to finish this before I left for the airport, but my determination to have one less this to pack was strong. My favorite of this set of short stories was Magdala Amygdala, because it was super gross so I sent it to some friends to read too! fun fact: reading this anthology got me hyped to writing my vampire story, so I've been working on that

Started and Finished:

you there? keep me company by misspickman on ao3

(hi moss!) as i wrote in my reading journal, this is for recording READING not recording BOOKS. now, i do not know tim and kon very well, but i am here to support my mutuals' writing whenever possible

Witch Hat Atelier, Vol. 10 by Kamome Shirahama

i adore the art of this series so much, it's so cute and INTRICATE and also the plot is so stressful to ME. I am stressed. I just want these kids to be okay....

the cat who got the whipped cream by bluecloak on ao3

this is a f@tt fanfic that i managed to skip when i was digging through the archive looking for good fic a few weeks back. i came back to it bc i saw cute fanart for it and enjoyed my time! i think the fact that it was labelled a coffee shop au initially scared me off

Sharp Teeth, Sharp Eyes or: The Boy-God and the Wolf by thunder_rolled_a_six on ao3

i gotta love a good fairytale style story about gods, this was cute though I don't have much to say

beautiful, curious, breathing, laughing by Aidan James

my friend sharing this short story he read with us prompted me to say we needed a book club channel in our server. this was good, and you should read this if you like androids that fuck with gender and fuck in general

Started:

Dead Dead Girls by Nekesa Afia

this is a mystery I got recommended a while back, and my second time taking it out of the library to try reading it. i don't like how short the chapters are and this hasn't really clicked with me, but i desperately want to try continuing with it. if i don't really like it by the time i'm a quarter of the way through i'll just drop it

Article, Chapter, and Primary Source Reading for School:

"Racial Health Disparities and COVID-19--Caution and Context" by Dr. Merlin Chowkwanyun and Dr. Adolph Reed, Jr. in The New England Journal of Medicine "Inequality's Deadly Toll" by Amy Maxmen "COVID-19 Can Last for Several Months" by Ed Yong Ottonian Queenship, "Queens and Dynasties in the Ninth and Tenth Centuries" by Simon MacLean "Bolesław I and the Emergence of Poland" (1025AD) as translated by Paul W. Knoll & Frank Schaer "The Election of Hugh Capet" by Richer of Reims (987AD)

(and here's all the readings i did for my final week of classes. i did not skip a single reading, though when given a choice between two i DID pick the shorter one, may or may not go back and read the longer one when i have time but just for my own fun)

everyone please wish me luck on my finals and stuff!

#cal reading log #arwainian princessoid decrees #bookblr

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asispsyche · 7 months ago

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About to finish my first year of university and want to commemorate it

Here are my takeaways:

Living on campus is incredible. Getting away from my family has been great for me and I've got my dorm back for next fall. I'm going to start working this summer in hopes of being able to get an apartment or something in the city for next summer instead of going home

I've learned so much about romantic relationships! Not from being in one! From witnessing my roommate's. Excellent example of what not to do.

I am not opposed to having a guy for a roommate. But 3 people in one room is not a good arrangement. Yes I mean the boyfriend

I. Love. The. City. Part of the reason I chose my uni was bc it's in a city. When I first visited, we walked around some and I loved that you could do that. You could just walk everywhere because everything was so close together. Also I don't have a driver's license. I grew up in a normal suburban area where it was all houses and then businesses were just far enough apart that you had to drive to get anywhere. There were crosswalks, but they weren't safe. Here, I can use a crosswalk and have complete faith that the cars will stop.

Public transportation!!! Buses are awesome!

I think I have ADHD. I've known it was possible for a while, but it's really starting to make stuff difficult. Spring semester has not gone great. Had to drop one class and I'm honestly expecting a D in another. I need to start looking into a diagnosis.

To go with that, I've changed my major to undecided. I went in as Computer Science bc I took CS courses in HS and I was pretty good, so I figured that would be my thing. It is not. I did those courses for 3 years and every time they'd say we we're going to learn new stuff this year and then we never did. Counting my first semester of uni, I've learned the basics of java 4 times. Then second semester rolled around and I realized I did not want to do this for the rest of my life

Started a studio art minor. First course was art history, which I thought was going to be boring but I ended up enjoying it so much that I'm thinking about making it my new major

Took a course in scifi movies. Probably the best 8am I'll ever take. Would absolutely do again

Archeology course!!! Another strong contender for my new major

Morning courses really aren't too bad when they're a 10 min walk from my dorm

Ugh textbooks expensive

Signed up for summer courses

Laundry is relaxing. It helps that the machines in my building are free

Study rooms are great. Big windows are high on my hierarchy of needs

Dining halls 10/10

I don't like when the buses are crowded so I've started walking everywhere most of the time and it's great

Pretty buildings

Nice trails

Cool crystal shop in the city

I don't recommend getting sick during finals season. Especially in December. Laundry rooms are lovely when you suddenly become cold blooded like a lizard

Wish I'd joined the sailing club. Had fun at the interest meetings but didn't work with my schedule

What I took Fall 23:

Anthropology (tombs)

English

Comp. Sci pt. 1 and lab

What I took Spring 24:

Art History (Renaissance to Present)

Spanish pt. 1

Discrete Mathematics (it is math without numbers) (I miss multivariable calculus) (this is the one I dropped)

Comp. Sci pt. 2 (regret, but it was necessary)

What I'm doing this summer:

American History

Spanish pt. 2

What I'm doing next fall:

Color Theory

Jewelry Making

Astronomy (lab at night!)

Spanish pt. 3

#college freshman #university #dorm room

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blindinghope · 11 months ago

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reading harry potter for the first time: the prisoner of azkaban

the chamber of secrets post

notes/reactions, updated as i go

10.01.24 -

-sirius being on muggle news ?? woah

-the drastic difference of the knight bus from the movie v book is so interesting. harry learns more about sirius simply from stan. like in the movie harry just knew to be careful and sirius was dangerous, i don't think he had any idea of what he had "done" until hogsmeade

-i live for scenes in diagon alley!! it's criminal they removed that entirely in the movie. replacing it with fudge bringing his books and harry only spent one night in the leaky cauldron when it was actually a week

leave it to any interaction of the twins to have me smiling like an idiot in public

29.01.24 note: i've had poa in my bookbag for the longest time and probably pulled it out twice since the semester started..noticing damage on the corners too from me throwing stuff in my bag😭 eventually i will finish..!

-one aspect i've always been hung up on from the movie is the dementor attacking harry on the train. i thought the book would be a bit different like why ron assumed harry was having a "fit". did neither of them know what dementors do?? that harry's soul was being sucked out?

-the knight painting in north tower is killing me😭😭😭 need to insert an excerpt here if i remember

02.02.24 note: watching poa and i realized the scene of the boys in their dorm eating jellybeans was written in😭🤍 poa being the end of their childhood is so heart wrenching..beautifully directed too

i thought this was silly imagery, besties sharing a big umbrella together

remus is so loved as a professor and i know he loved teaching too :(

oh....oh god. (x)

-ok i can't finish this chapter without voicing my opinion but the way harry's hogsmede trip via marauder's map is playing out is so strange to me!!! once again the movies heavily influence my views. i'm torn between romione's shrieking shack moment + harry pummelling draco with snowballs but.. the trio bonding from the start..!!their friendship is truly so strong and something the movies did not emphasize enough like harry walks up to them in honeydukes while they're discussing what to get him!!

-wait why are they allowed in the three broomsticks and drink butterbeer? they're 13...little babies..

-i completely understand where the "evil harry" fanfics came from now because learning sirius was there to take harry that night yet dumbledore intervened with hagrid. ugh... (x)

-wood being quidditch obsessed is so amusing to me bc he's always talking about it like he's at the brink of a breakdown😭😭 when he learns harry was gifted a firebolt but mcgonagall confiscated it and wood is just like, "she wants to win as much as we do...i'll make her see sense..." I'LL MAKE HER SEE SENSE??😭

-crying again at the mention of snape teasing mcgonagall about the quidditch cup,, so wholesome

-no one gives a FAWK about divination this is getting embarrassing

-brooo...sirius and remus explaining literally everything in the shrieking shack is,,mind blowing..what do you mean dumbledore arranged a separate place for remus when he was a student so he had somewhere to go once a month..!!! james and sirius became animagi for him!!!!???

-AAAAA THE DETAILS OF SIRIUS TRICKING SNAPE??? JAMES SAVES HIM FROM REMUS????

-TRIO??? hitting snape w expelliarmius they really are ride or dies for each other

-"just give me a reason" goes hard idk

-the imagery of snape floating and sirius bumps his head everywhere like first of all...!! that's kinda funny,,but also hasn't he suffered enough

-the way harry jumps at sirius' offer to live with him feels a little too erratic for me like it was much more well done in the movie imo because why are y'all discussing this when you haven't even gotten out of the passage and sirius is letting snape's unconscious body hit every corner

23.05.24 note: screaming and crying at the thought of remus never getting this kind of treatment from harry like they never have a close relationship AND IT SUCKS SOOO MUCH !!! THAT'S UNCLE MOONY😭😭😭😭

also i rewatched poa and i see it so much more differently especially from remus' pov because how do you remain normal meeting YOUR BEST FRIENDS KID for the first time (tho i'd like to think marauders met baby harry) and not be like: your father was my best friend. straight off the bat..! and when he sees harry has the marauder's map i wanted TO SOB....remus' mention of knowing lily and james is soo casual probably to not freak out harry or something idk i just think there was more potential in a relationship between harry and remus maybe as strong as with sirius. the godfather title must be comforting for harry since it shows how much james trusted him but regardless, remus was also his best friend??

#text #reading harry potter #the prisoner of azkaban #books

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skinni-girls-eat-books · 1 year ago

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Thursday, November 16th

8:30am I have one more big assignment and two more small assignments. It feels impossible and I'm so tired. All I want to do is call my best friend but he won't answer. Just have to do this myself again. I'm extremely strong and resilient and I can't believe I made it to this point.

3:30pm I survived Verbal Defense! I did it! I am really proud of myself for everything I have survived this semester! It's raining really hard which is fucking up my vibe and shit but the rain will stop eventually! I'm like shaking from all the overflow of emotions. This semester took so much from me, out of me, really just beat me tf up. My life has been a trainwreck for so long. I just want peace. I just want to calm the persistent anxiety that's been propping me up for months. I just want to rest my mind. I'm literally shaking from the release of stress. Stress is so undeniable physical and just wrecks your body in so many ways. It's time to rest and heal. You've been through so much trauma the past few months and here you are, still alive, still strong. Don't ignore the trauma you experienced but it's time to heal and grow and begin another chapter, not ignoring the previous chapters, but building off of the lessons learned. We go on.

4pm Just remember that most people don't gaf what you do bro just don't hurt anyone and ur good. I just put fish sticks in the oven and popped open a mojito and I'm chilling until I change my mind and want to do something else.

4:20pm I feel like I can finally process what has happened to me. School put me in survival mode and now I'm free to heal. Yeah I'm crying when I should be feeling nothing but joy. I'm crying bc I didn't get the chance to when I was just trying to survive. I went through so much having my trust broken and my life ripped out from under me. I am traumatized but I'll heal. I know I will. This will pass and then I'll feel the joy of my success. It was all mine and all my hard work. I'm seriously proud of myself and I'll say it 1000x ❤️

4:40pm added image of my fish sticks bc it makes me happy that I'm feeding myself

5:00pm intrusive thoughts but wow I can't believe I didn't kll myself this semester I'm so proud :)

5:10pm I made green beans sauteed in the pan instead of the microwave 🥰 I love myself and I know I am worth so much and I know I can take care of myself when I'm not insanely stressed with school. I'll find myself again in no time ❤️ it's like a dark storm cloud has lifted from above my head

7:47pm I woke up from a nap and my stomach hurts lol I think I made the green beans too oily/buttery but it's ok! Haha. I need to clean out my fridge and get some me foods in here. I haven't gone grocery shopping in ages. Everything is probably freezer burnt tbh but that's ok! You were just trying your best ❤️

I have rented Silence of the Lambs and I think I will take a Tums and have some Sprite and some ice cream and rest some more ❤️

9:25pm ok so I had a finish an assignment that nobody wanted to do so I took one for the team and did it 💕 the Tums helped tremendously and now it's movie time :) I'm glad I don't feel like I'm about to shit myself anymore so that actually worked out 😂

9:49pm physical feelings/ sensations have such a profound impact on my mental status. Seeing something gross or feeling physical pain just send me into a spiral. I would like to know how to work on this more. I think the best thing to do for now is to focus on what I can control in my surroundings.

1am lol ok I ended up not watching the movie and that's ok! MasterChef marathon ftw. Got both my little boys laying on the couch with me ❤️

Woke up and I started thinking about being in a relationship and about him or whatever but I'm not really sad. I think I'm asexual or like really minimally sexual. Idk what it is but like I enjoy people for so much more than sex? Like I want to have a connection with you first and then that will follow. Idk how people just be out here jumping and dumping 😂 it's just a waste of time for me. Long story short, I'm not seeking out another relationship rn so it's hard for me to even feel sexual really. Maybe it's a trauma thing or a stress thing, I really don't know. I do know I can't be the only one who feels this way and that's ok ❤️

2am I think I have autism and yeah I mean I thought of it before but then it's like 🤷‍♀️ ok and? And yeah I just think it explains a lot of things about me. But it's like I don't know what to do with that information lol.

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creedslove · 1 year ago

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hey mari bb sorry for the tmi, i need to say this but i got no one :((

i went home from uni for my 21st bday on the 3rd of this month, and came back to my dorm at the 8th bcs i had class. as soon as i’m back in my dorm i’m horribly sick :( had a sore throat for 2 days with cold sweat, then when my throat got better immediately i caught a horrible flu, it’s so bad my nose is very watery and i had to plug it up to lay down or else it’ll get everywhere on my bed :(( it’s so bad really, my nose and face were very raw and irritated i couldn’t even use my face wash :(( i took the strongest med i had for flu and it got better but now i got the runny nose and a horrible cough. like. it’s hard to even talk !! my throat is raw and i’m so tired and dizzy from coughingn all the damn time 😭😭😭 i tried everything !! over the counter cough syrups, drank warm water so much i pee like a leaking faucet 😭😭😭 but it’s still sore 😭😭

i was a very sick child from age 3-13 and for those 10 years i relied on very specific prescribed custom meds that came in little packets filled with powdered meds along with a strong syrup meds like it was so controlled the prescription is only for 2-4 weeks and once they’re up i’d go visit the hospital again and get new customized meds as well and only that one specific hospital can produce the med 😭😭 so over the counter stuff don’t do shit on me even the expensive patent ones 😭😭😭

and i’m soo frustrated bcs i have a deadline and my lecturer is already pushing and giving an ultimatum for it but i’m still horribly sick but i need to go see my doctor but i can’t because from my dorm he’s 7 hours away !! and i don’t trust the doctors available nearby here bcs usually they don’t care and would just give antibiotics and stuff (which you’re not supposed to consume so easily like that) and my mum’s busy taking care of my nasty grandma and i’m just 😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞 i wish my dad were still alive 😞😞😞😞😞 wish i had took the semester off 😞😞😞 i’m just sooo tired 😞😞😞 a lot of people in my class are very close to graduating with good GPAs and internship and an almost finished thesis… here i am still coughing my lungs out 😞😞

-jerk loving anon

OHHHH NO MY BABY!!

reading your ask made me so sad! I am so so so so so sorry you are going through that, my angel, you are such a lovely sweet anon and I wish I could do anything to help you! I totally get what you mean, in the beginning of the year I was so stressed and my immune system was down so I was constantly sick, so yeah, I know what you're going through 🫂

I know you don't like these nearby doctors, but maybe you should visit them in order to get a prescription? Antibiotics might be just what you need baby and I wish you would wake up feeling like a million bucks tomorrow 😭

Good luck in your deadline, I hope you manage to accomplish everything you need to in time, but at the same time you recover and that you prioritize your health! I'm here for you if you need to vent more, I wish any of the Pedro boys were around to help you my darling ❤️🫂 love you 💝💋

#ask #answered

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whovianwholikesgirls · 2 years ago

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Yay tag game!! Thanks @babygirl-jonathanbyers ✨💜

Tea coffee or soda? Nine times out of ten, tea but every once a while I’ll get a craving so strong for either root beer or Coke that I have to have them. I never finish them tho. The carbonation hurts my tummy

Dogs or cats? Cats. I only like other people’s dogs

Can you play and instrument? A little piano but I’m v new to it because I taught myself song of my favorite songs by watching YouTube videos but then I ran out of room in my room for my keyboard. I’m not as proficient as I want to be and I hope someday I’ll have enough room for it again. I want to learn guitar and I’m going to be that stuck up choir kid that says my voice is an instrument. Although I really don’t think it’s stuck up bc you have to maintain it like any other instrument.

What’s your sun sign? Leo!! @babygirl-jonathanbyers, when’s your birthday we gotta figure this out bestie 😂

First song lyric that pops into your head? Is introspection valuable, or it merely vain? @anything-thats-rock-and-roll honestly it sounds like something I’d tell my therapist and a fucking love it

Do you have any tattoos? No but I’m getting my first one next year when I’m settled in Seattle and I have enough cash saved up bc even if I had enough saved up rn the local artist that all my friends in college recommended isn’t tattooing anymore.

Favorite place you’ve traveled? Seattle. Always. I’m keeping myself busy and counting down the months until I move there in September. It’ll be my answer to that question until I visit Europe someday lol

What’s the last movie you’ve watched? This really disturbing but v realistic movie that was free w ads on YouTube that I just clicked on called trust. It’s from 2011, so Google a synopsis bc I don’t want anything I say to get flagged. But it was a v powerful film. The scene that leads to the main plot wasn’t realistic, criminal minds has done the concept better, but still a good film

Do you speak any languages? I’m saying Latin bc I took there semesters of it in college and I can translate well even if no one speaks it anymore. I’m learning modern Hebrew. I def have a thing for old languages

Do you have any hobbies? Reading books, listening to music, going to concerts even if sometimes it was just once a year was def a hobby before COVID

You can hang out with one fictional character for an hour, who do you choose? Since @babygirl-jonathanbyers is giving Jonathan the love and attention he deserves, I’m gonna say Spencer Reid. Thanks for not making me choose between my babygirls

Compliment yourself: I have the right face shape that means shaving my head looks good on me. Ngl I’m v grateful for it bc it’s my fav way to express my gender

Tagging: @itsfreakingbats @slowburningechoes @ace-whovian-neuroscientist @grandadtwelve @gay-jewish-bucky @iliveiloveiwrite

thanks for the tag @wllbyers !

tea, coffee, or soda? Coffee always coffee it could be 4pm and the answer is coffee

dogs or cats?I like both but def more cats

can you play an instrument? not well

what's your sun sign? Capricorn

first song lyrics that pop into your head? Best friends, ex-friends 'til the end Better off as lovers and not the other way around Racing through the city, windows down

do you have any tattoos? I have two but I'm getting a third soon

favorite place you traveled? I really enjoyed Seattle and Vermont, but I also LOVED Dublin, Ireland.

what's the last movie you watched? I couldn't tell you I don't watch movies much

what languages do you speak? I'm fluent in English, I know a little Spainish & Portugese and I'm starting to learn Italian

do you have any hobbies? writing, video games, editing, cooking and makeup!

you can hang out with one fictional character for an hour, who do you choose? Currently? Jonathan Byers hands down. I wanna study him under a microscope

compliment yourself: I'm a survivor

no pressure tags: @babygirl-jonathanbyers @andfrecklesandyoursmile @nancybadassbyers @gnarly-love and anyone else who wants to play!

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akechi-stole-my-heart · 2 years ago

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Royal Trio for that character asks?

ahh ty! this is literally perfect timing because I just finished the third semester on my third playthrough of p5r and really wanted to talk about these three <this is a lie. I stopped writing out the answer to this ask over a month ago but this ask IS still relevant bc I am now writing a royal trio-centric fic. so I'd still like to talk about them.

describe their canon relationship/dynamic

Sumi and Akira have a very strong dynamic, as Sumi is basically Akira's canonical love interest and one of his closest friends. And I needn't explain how Akira and Akechi have an extremely strong dynamic as well.

But the three of them don't really have that strong of a trio dynamic because the triangle breaks when we get to Akechi and Sumi's relationship with each other, which is a shame. Either Akechi or Sumi feel a bit left out because Sumi's in the dark about so much of Akechi's Deal and Akechi is so outwardly cold to Sumi. So they don't have much of a dynamic with each other.

your ideal/headcanon version of it? how does it differ from how it is in canon & why is this your favorite version? any other alternate versions of it you enjoy?

My ideal version of the royal trio has two main differences between it and the canon version. First, Akechi and Sumi never get the chance to bond in canon. I don't think that it's a flaw, necessarily, because there was no way to have them bond without breaking Akechi's character arc in the third sem. But it is a huge missed opportunity.

I really do think Akechi does secretly care for Sumi, but he doesn't want to show it because he's being Stupid in third sem about wanting to push everyone away. I think in any other timeline they could have been friends, and I think that he realizes their similarities and relates to her because of them. In the same way, if Sumi knew more about Akechi I think she would relate to him and want to be his friend too.

The second thing I'd change is make Sumi and Akira's relationship platonic. This isn't really a "change" since you can reject her, and Sumi having a crush on its own is perfectly fine. But they push them as a romantic pairing really really hard, much harder than anyone else, to the point where its pretty obvious she's supposed to be your canonical girlfriend. And I just don't like that, since them getting together kinda breaks Sumi's character arc of self discovery.

what do you like about their relationship, why is it interesting or enjoyable to you?

I love how Sumi and Akechi both complement Akira in opposite directions. But more than that, I'm obsessed with how Sumi and Akechi are thematic foils in pretty much every way. Others have written metas on this so I won't repeat it all here, but the sheer Potential of Akechi and Sumi's dynamic and the way their arcs parallel is so Interesting. Sumi and Akechi are such different people, but they are also so extremely similar, and its just. mmmm. good. makes brain go brrr.

I could go on and on about the ways Sumi and Akechi parallel one another, but one thing in particular that sticks out to me are their masks and the way each of them deal with their self hatred in opposite directions. Sumi buries her true personality and becomes her ideal self as Kasumi. Meanwhile Akechi does something similar with the Detective Prince persona, but by the third semester he's completely rejected that part of himself. Sumi learns to reconcile all parts of herself, while Akechi. doesn't. And Akira serves as Akechi's other half, the way that Kasumi served as Sumire's other half. But while Sumi saw Kasumi's natural talent, and how she outshone her in every way, she internalized that hatred to the point where she wished to die. But when Akechi saw how Akira was superior to him in every way, he externalized that hate and tried to kill Akira to prove that he was better. Sumi accidentally kills Kasumi because of her self hatred, and Akechi tries to kill Akira but fails because of his self hatred.

what about the individual characters involved? what does this relationship mean to them, what makes it unique among their relationships?

Akira - Sumi and Akechi are his closest friends, imo. Akira sees a lot of himself in both of them. They're the Fake As Hell Gang, each of them hiding behind various masks to conceal their true, inner self.

Sumi - Akira is the person who helps Sumi rediscover her true self and accept herself for who she truly is instead of continuing to hide behind her sister's identity. She looks up to his as a version of her ideal self, confident and self assured and fully realized. As for Akechi, I don't think Sumi has any idea what to make of him at all.

Akechi - I could go on for days about the complexities of Akechi's feelings about Akira, but in short, Akira is Akechi's only real friend in the world, and yet they were once bitter enemies. Akechi wishes it could stay that simple--rivals, and nothing more. But of course that's not true. As for Sumi, he sees a lot of himself in her--someone terrified that they aren't good enough, idolizing someone else as their better half. But he can't let himself get attached, so he keeps his distance and remains harsh on the surface no matter his sympathies.

favorite interaction they have in canon

"Just everyday Akechi." Obviously.

favorite interaction they have in your head/a situation you want to put them in

well. i mean, if you'll pardon the self promo, you can find out by reading the aforementioned fic where sumi saves goro in the engine room. hehe

#p5 #royal trio #goro akechi #sumire yoshizawa #akira kurusu #ren amamiya #persona 5 protagonist #akechi goro #ask #miraculous-ninjabird #akeshu #shuake #sera answers

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theje0ngs · 3 years ago

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JJH | 𝙋𝘼𝙐𝘽𝘼𝙔𝘼

PAUBAYA (n.): to entrust something to someone; to give something or someone away.

❝Ako yung nauna, I was your first, Pero siya ang wakas. But they will be your last.❞

PAIRING/CHARACTERS ▸ non-idol!jaehyun x pedia!reader

GENRE/CATEGORY ▸ angst, marriage!au, non-idol!au, songfic

WORD COUNT ▸ 4.2k [~15 mins]

CONTENT WARNINGS ▸ mentions injections/vaccinations, mentions death/minor character death, mentions pregnancy, profanity, jaehyun didn’t know he had a kid

GELA SAYS ▸ first and foremost, thank u so much @hwangful for sending me this amazing & sad prompt! idk if i’ve reached ur expectations bc tbh, i feel like i’ve rushed this- :/ but!! i hope you’ll like it

TAGLIST ▸ @woofie-nctzen-fanarts @bitchenderyy @ahtisa02 @chitaphrrrr @sakusakei-omi @guiltyversion @littlebambi1302 @ashkuuuu

Back in college, you hated Jeong Jaehyun.

You still remember the exact reason- no, reasons why you hated that man. Reason number one: Jaehyun bumped into you while you were walking in the hallway. He was chasing somebody and due to the strong impact, you fell on the floor and spilled the coffee that Doctor Park had asked you to buy for him. He didn’t look back, nor apologized for hurting you.

Number two: The time he accidentally hit your head with a basketball. You happened to be talking with one of his teammates, Johnny Suh when the ball flew right to your head. He blamed Mark for that, but you were a firm believer that he was the one who did it.

Number three: The time when you got paired up for a semestral worksheet. You tried to plead to your professor to change your partner, even tried to convince him that you’d do the worksheet alone but no really meant no for your professor. You had to sit next to class for the whole semester, he would annoy you with his corny, cringey jokes every morning before your lecture.

You had a list of reasons, even petty ones, why you hated that man, but you had only one reason why you fell in love with him.

During the university fall festival, you and Jaehyun became victims. The organization under the Department of Criminology had handcuffed the two of you for 4 hours. You were annoyed by the fact that Jaehyun almost went inside the restroom with you because he really needed to pee. Thank god he didn’t, thank god you were friends with one of the criminology students and had removed the cuff for a few minutes. After he finished inside the restroom, you were cuffed together again - it was the last hour and frankly, you were looking forward to finishing it.

He had pulled you to the Ferris Wheel line, explaining that riding it while the sun goes down would be an amazing experience. It was the time that you realized… he wasn’t as bad as you thought he was. It was the time you realized that you fell in love with this man. So suddenly that even you, yourself, weren’t expecting it.

“Look at the sun, Y/N-” Jaehyun excitedly said, pointing at the sky. His legs were bouncing like a kid who got ice cream.

“I think I’m in love with you.” You blurted out, “I- I mean, yeah. It’s beautiful! Super beautiful.”

You avoided Jaehyun for a whole month after that accidental confession.

And now, as you stare at the wedding picture sitting next to your laptop, the two of you have been together through ups and downs. Been together since university through Med School and Law School. Built dreams and achieved those together. You as a Doctor of Pediatrics, and Jaehyun, as a Lawyer and working under a known firm. Together for 8 years, married for two and living the life you have always wanted to.

Being a pediatrician wasn’t your original plan. To be a Cardiologist was your dream. But during your residency, you had one patient that caught your heart. She was a 4-year old girl who dreamed of being a doctor, but fate took away that chance when her parents found out that she was suffering from a terminal illness. She was under your care for months. You still remember the day she passed away so clearly. You were on graveyard shift and for the past 24 hours you have been walking around the hospital. Following the command of the senior residents, and the only hour you had a chance to nap, you heard a loud bawl, causing you to jolt up from the stretcher you were resting on.

It was the first time you cried over a patient inside the locker room that day and every time you pass by the room she used to stay at, you couldn’t help but wince.

But despite what happened, you learned how to love your job.

“Dr. Y/L/N? The patient is here.” The nurse peeked her head through the door, you nodded your head and put your phone away.

The patient enters with her mom, she was probably a little over 8 years old. “What can I do for you today?” You ask, grabbing a pen and started writing.

“We’re new in town, and unfortunately, our neighbor’s dog bit her this morning when we were out for a walk. The neighbor said that the dog is vaccinated with anti-rabies, but still, I want to be safe. Just in case.”

You gave her a warm smile, understanding that she didn’t want anything bad to happen to her daughter. As you get ready, the little girl seemed to be nervous. But as a pediatrician, you knew the drill. You were used to comforting your patients no matter what age they were. A smile appeared on your face when you heard the little girl tell her mom that she won’t cry because she’s a big girl, and that big girls don’t cry over a little needle. After giving her a shot, you grabbed a peach-flavored lollipop on the jar next to your computer. She smiles from ear to ear, revealing her deep set of dimples. What a beautiful kid.

After reminding her mom that Jaein needs to return three days later for another shot, you walk them out of your office. When you opened the door, you were surprised by your husband. Standing in front of the office with a bag of takeaways. Jaehyun’s smile fades when he sees your patient’s mom, his eyes widened.

“Nayoung?” “Jaehyun?” They said in sync.

“You two know each other? What a small world!”

Nayoung shyly nodded her head, “Yeah… we were friends in high school up until university.” She said, holding her daughter’s hand tightly. “Well, my daughter and I have to go. Dr. Y/N, thank you very much. We’ll see you in three days.”

A week has passed and Jaehyun felt uneasy inside his office.

He kept walking back and forth inside his office, he even discarded his tie as it felt suffocating for him. Since he saw his ex, who happens to be the parent of your patient, he was anxious. The last time he saw Nayoung was the year before you started dating, the year she left for Australia. It was 9 years ago and they lost contact with each other since then. The two had a clean breakup, no fights, no anger towards each other. The decision was mutual and Jaehyun was sure that there were no issues with each other.

But seeing her with a child made Jaehyun think twice. Did she cheat while they were still together? Most likely. Because that kid was almost 9 and she was as old as the last time he saw Nayoung. Jaehyun felt like he was going insane; most people would say forget about it, it’s all in the past but no, Nayoung was his first love, his first girlfriend and he needed answers. He grabbed his phone, opened his Instagram account and tried to find his ex lover’s account. In the span of 5 minutes, he found it.

[PHOTO] @nayoung.lee: Back in Korea! Jaein’s a little nervous but I’m glad she’s starting to love this place.

[PHOTO] @nayoung.lee: Can’t believe my baby’s 8 years old… it seems like yesterday, I was holding you in my arms like a small bean.

Fuck it. He thought, clicking the message button.

Jaehyun found himself in a park, at 8 o’ clock in the morning, Nayoung said it was closer to her job. He was still in shock that his ex-girlfriend replied to his message, even agreed to meet him personally. He sat on the bench, enjoying the fresh air and the amazing view of various flowers. He felt uneasy again, his leg was bouncing up and down as he waited for Nayoung. When he spots her walking towards his direction, he stands up.

“Why did you want to talk, Jaehyun?” Nayoung asked, sitting next to him.

“I- uh, nothing. I just wanted to catch up with you.”

Nayoung chuckles, she knew her like the back of her hand. His red ears screamed that he was nervous, flustered and lying. At first, they talked about their lives and the things that happened the past nine years. Jaehyun found out that Nayoung was an architect who moved to Korea from Australia for a major project by the company she was working at. Nayoung was stationed in Korea for a year and a few months. As they continue to talk about their lives, somehow, Nayoung convinced Jaehyun to tell her the truth on why he had asked her to meet up. Jaehyun was not able to answer at first, even tried to make up a terrible excuse but ended up confessing the truth.

“Your daughter, Jaein… is she-”

“She’s yours, Jaehyun.” She replied bluntly, looking at the sky, “I didn’t know I had her, to be honest. I was just randomly chilling with my friends at home when I felt a random, excruciatingly bad pain on my stomach. The next thing I was told by the doctor was, I had a cryptic pregnancy with Dahlia.”

“Dahlia?”

“Her real name is Lee Jaein, I call her Dahlia because it's her english name and it was the flower you gave me on our first date.” She explained, “I know you’re still in shock right now but… the reason why I hid her from you is because I didn’t know how to tell it to you, I didn’t want you to think that I cheated. Frankly, even before her I knew your plans about your future, your plans about law school. A responsibility like Dahlia could’ve been a huge distraction to your studies.”

Jaehyun shook his head in disbelief, all these years… he didn’t know he had a child. How was he supposed to tell you this? To his parents? To his in-laws?

“Nayoung, you should’ve at least told me! I had every right to know.”

“I was supposed to tell you, Jaehyun. Three years ago when Dahlia asked me about you- I wanted to contact you… my sister was the one who found your Instagram account but by the time I was ready to tell you, you posted a picture of your engagement with Dr. Y/N.” She said, “I was even shocked that the pedia at the nearby hospital was your wife… I saw the picture she kept by her computer.”

After explaining each other’s side, the two separated ways. Nayoung agreed for the two to have a scheduled DNA testing the following day, to make sure if Dahlia really was his. As he drove back home, thoughts clouded Jaehyun’s mind. How would you react? What would you say? Just as he stopped at the red light, he received a message from you.

loml ♡: hey handsome! got out of work a lil early today, i’m preparing dinner. could you grab some wine on your way home, please?

jaehyun: of course, love! i’m on my way back to the office. be home in a few hours.

He wasn’t able to work properly that day. His mind was elsewhere throughout the day. By the time everybody else was getting ready to go home, he decided to stay at his office for another hour. Not to work, but to practice what he will tell you later. He found it silly; he was a lawyer who fought big cases, a man who isn’t nervous when he’s in the court, a man who had a strong, intimidating image to his colleagues. But how come he’s nervous about what he was about to tell you? Damn it, Jaehyun. Get your shit together, man. He thought, grabbing his belongings and headed home.

Jaehyun could smell the aroma of the food you were making as soon as he opened the door of your apartment. He could hear Chet Baker playing in the background. The moment he placed the wine on the counter, he wraps his arms around you instinctively. You jumped by the sudden skinship, but immediately calmed down in his arms. He planted a kiss on the top of your head as he listened to you talk about how your day went.

”I have something important to tell you.” You both say in-sync, you let out a giggle, while Jaehyun was stunned.

“You go first, Jae. I’ve been talking about my day too much since you came home.” You said, pouring wine on his glass. “Go ahead, I’m listening.”

“What I’m about to tell you is pretty big, so.. I’m kind of hoping that you’ll react nicely.” He started, “Remember when I surprised you last week at the clinic? I met an old friend from university?”

“Oh, Ms. Nayoung Lee? Yeah, I remember her. Her daughter's on her next shot this week-”

“Jaein’s my daughter.” He cuts off, “N-nayoung is my ex-girlfriend, she’s the one before you… I just found out about Jaein’s existence today and we’re set to take a DNA test tomorrow.”

How does one react when a significant other tells them that they have a child… from another person and not them?

Because that’s exactly what’s happening right now.

Happy? Angry? Sad? How are you supposed to act after he told you that his ex - the one before you, told him that they have a child together? You sat across Jaehyun on the dining table, the platter of food you prepared the whole day was long forgotten at this point. Your mind couldn’t process what your husband just said; “S-say something, please.” He said, his voice so low, it was almost a whisper.

“You can’t just… you can’t do this to me, Jaehyun.” You say, biting your lip. “You can’t tell me news this big and expect me to react in a nice way.”

“Y/N, even if the test results come out and- and it turns out that I really am the father. It doesn’t change anything between us, I promise.”

Jaehyun tried to hold your hand, but you were fast enough to pull it away from him. You stood up and left the dining room, heading straight to the shared bedroom and locked yourself inside. You had every right to be upset, and Jaehyun would let you calm yourself down and he’s sure you’re willing to talk about this thing once you’re ready. He wouldn’t force you to talk about it.

On the other hand, you were under the covers, crying your eyes out. He was expecting you to react nicely. How would you react to something like that? You love kids, why would you be working for pediatrics if you didn’t? But you… you were told that your chances of getting pregnant was low. Despite that, you and Jaehyun never stopped trying, because it was part of your plan and dream together. A child of your own, a child with the DNA of you two.

Will those dreams come true, or will they remain as a dream?

Weeks have passed and it was confirmed that Jaehyun was the biological father of Jaein. The two started going out on father-daughter dates, getting to know each other as Jaehyun missed 9 years of his daughter's life. You and Jaehyun have talked about it a few days after a silent war between the two of you. On Jaein’s last anti-rabies shot, Jaehyun volunteered to take her to your clinic. He was comforting her throughout the process, which made you realize that he was a good father. It’s been only weeks since Jaein experienced a father figure in her life, but he immediately gained her trust.

When Nayoung had to return to Australia for a week due to an emergency at work, Jaein was staying at your place. It was okay, she didn’t have any family in the country but Jaehyun. The two spent the whole week out on dates again, while you distracted yourself at work. Though you felt like Jaein was aloof when it comes to you, you understood her. The little girl was too young to understand that her dad was married to another woman and not her mom. There were days that she may have stepped over the line by saying some hurtful words, but you try to be a good stepmom to her as much as possible, when Jaehyun’s not around and you were left with her at home, you try your best to let her know that she’s more than welcome to your home. You didn’t want her to feel like a stranger, even if the two of you are not blood-related.

Today, after volunteer work, you came home only to see Jaehyun and Jaein snuggled on the couch while the TV played Disney movies in the background. It was past 10 in the evening, an hour since Jaein’s bedtime. You put away your belongings and woke Jaehyun up, carefully as you didn’t want to wake his daughter.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t notice we fell asleep. Let me put her to bed and I’ll heat the food for you.” He said, gently replacing a throw pillow on Jaein’s head that was resting on his lap.

“No, no, it’s okay. I had dinner with some of my colleagues, go ahead, get ready to sleep. I’ll put her to bed.”

You scooped Jaein out of the couch with the help of your husband. As you placed her on the bed, you noticed the similarities of her face and Jaehyun’s. She had his dimples, pink lips and bushy brows. You couldn’t help but smile and feel a little sad at the same time. You dreamed of having a child with Jaehyun as well, part him, part you. Such a beautiful kid, you really look like your dad. You thought, brushing away the strands of hair that fell on her face. After tucking her to bed, you took a shower and sat down on the floor with a glass of wine in your hand. Jaehyun was busy replying to some emails from his clients and noticed that you were spacing out as you played with the hem of your shirt.

Jaehyun sighs, he was calling you five times already but you were ignoring him. He closed his laptop and sat on the floor with you, “Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you these days?” He asked, taking your hand and intertwined it with his.

You shook your head, “No, I just- it's just work. Nothing special about it.” You said, removing your hand from his. You hated yourself for shutting people out whenever they’re trying to talk to you about your problems. You and Jaehyun have always promised each other to never keep secrets from each other, but this time you decided to keep something to yourself because you were scared of what he will say if he finds out about it.

Before Nayoung left Korea, she bumped into you at a diner near the venue of your volunteer workplace. You were on lunch break and so was her. She had asked you to eat lunch with her which you accepted. It was going on so well until;

“I have always wanted Jaein to meet Jaehyun, I wanted her to experience a complete family because I couldn’t experience it myself.” She chuckled, “If it weren’t for my sister who told me I was being ridiculous, I could’ve flown back here to stop your wedding because I knew deep down, I still love Jaehyun. Until now, actually.”

You were taken aback, “But… I couldn’t do anything to stop that wedding because I would’ve been the petty ex.” She added. “Thanks for giving him a chance to be a father to Jaein. Though I know that Jaein’s having a hard time accepting you as her stepmom. You don’t know how much I appreciate it.”

Suddenly, you realized, the quote ‘first love never dies’ might actually be true. You noticed it actually. The way Jaehyun would look at her whenever she picks up Jaein at your place. The same way Jaehyun would look at you at the beginning of your relationship. Heart eyes and ear-to-ear smiles.

You sighed, “Jae, I’m sorry.”

“Hmm? For what?”

“I know how badly you wanted to be a dad a-and I have a low chance of getting pregnant, and we’ve been trying so hard but still… nothing.” You mumbled, “Then Jaein came along and you just looked so happy around her. I- I don’t want to be a hindrance to your relationship with her and her mom.”

“What do you mean?”

“Jaein deserves a complete family. She’s… she’s too young to understand the concept of our family. They need you more than I need you.”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Yes.”

The sound of happy kids running around the campus and the blasting music reminds Jaehyun of the time you told him you fell in love with him at one fall festival a few years back. Oh memories… It’s been three years since you and Jaehyun parted ways. The first few months without you was hard, he was trying his best to be happy. While you volunteered to different organizations across the country. You learned to love yourself and moved on from everything that happened. Jaehyun had forgiven you, and you forgave him. Agreeing that everything was and should be in the past now.

He had lost contact with you. Though the two of you are still living in the same city, he barely saw you around. An epitome of the idiom ‘so near, yet so far’. You were either busy with work, or out of the country for a volunteer job. Jaehyun was peacefully chilling by the picnic tables, watching the kids run around when he got a glimpse of someone who looked just like you. He shook his head, thinking that maybe it was just an illusion.

“Y/N?”

You turn around, finding the familiar voice that called you. You felt the chills when you heard him. Standing tall and proud, Jeong Jaehyun. He looked different the last time you saw him. He became much manlier, much bulkier. The man you thought you were spending your lifetime with was standing in front of you once again, not in the altar this time. But in a school family event. It was so clear that Jaehyun was surprised to see you around.

“What are you doing here?” He asked.

“Oh, I’m here for-”

“MOM! LOOK WHAT I GOT AT THAT SHOTGUN GAME! A WOOKIE STUFFED TOY!” A little boy excitedly said, jumping as he held the toy in his hands. “Can I play again? Is it okay?”

You nodded your head, “Go and have fun, Hyun. Be back in a few minutes, okay?”

The boy, who Jaehyun guessed was around 10 years old, nodded his head and ran back to his friends, leaving you and your ex-husband alone again. Jaehyun sat in front of you, a little confused about what just happened and was waiting for an explanation.

“You’re a mom now.”

“Yeah.” You smiled, “Taehyun’s my… he’s my son. I adopted him at the orphanage I volunteered for the year after we split up. He was 7 when I got him.”

Jaehyun looked through your eyes, like he always did because he believed that your eyes were very expressive. No remnants of sadness, but pure happiness. He could see it very clearly. You asked questions about his life, asking how Nayoung and Jaein were doing.

“Enough about me and Jaein. What about you? I noticed a ring on your finger, seems like there’s someone new?”

You chuckle, “I’m doing good actually, and yes. There is.” You answer, looking at the ring that rests on your finger. “He’s a doctor, we met during a hospital outreach program in Jeju.”

“Congratulations, Y/N. You deserve him.” Jaehyun smiled, “Since you’re both doctors- the wedding must be a huge one.”

“No, we’re keeping it simple. Only a few friends and family members. An intimate one.” You replied, “...we didn’t want to stress the baby and put them at risk.”

“Y-you’re pregnant... wow. Congratulations.”

“Mhm, three months now. Thank you.”

Jaehyun was about to reply when a man suddenly planted a kiss on top of your head and placed a bag of food on the table, “Hey, love. I’m sorry if I’m late, the line at the drive-thru was too long.” He said, “Oh, hello- Jaehyun, right? I’m Dr. Kim Doyoung, Y/N’s fiancé.”

The two men exchanged ‘nice to meet you’ to each other, and Jaehyun left soon enough after Taehyun returned. He looked back at you, you were smiling as your fiance tried to offer you a spoonful of strawberry cake. When you met his eyes, you waved him goodbye and mouthed ‘thank you’ before focusing on Doyoung and Taehyun again. Jaehyun smiled back. She’s happy and she deserves it, he thought.

“Dad, Mom got us some fruit!” He heard Jaein say.

You look at Jaehyun on the other end, he was smiling as he listened to Jaein. He’s happy and he deserves it. You thought.

Mahirap labanan ang tinadhana,

I can’t go against your destiny,

Pinapatawad,

But I forgive you,

Pinapalaya,

I’m setting you free,

Pinapaubaya ko na sa kanya.

I’m letting you go and entrusting everything to them.

DO NOT REPOST OR TRANSLATE.

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