#bc i find that sort of thing very negative

[forsaken-headcanons]

I am back with more hcs ! I’ve been busy writing a fic . More John Doe hcs this time because he’s one of my favorites

He’s largely mute because of how the corruption’s affected him. On good days he can get a few words out if he really tries but most of the time he just sort of communicates in growls and body language . The killers have learned to interpret what he means

Sleeping on both his back (exposed spine) and his side (heavy spike arm) isn’t really an option so he sleeps on his stomach . To prevent himself from rolling over or falling out of bed (since he moves a lot in his sleep, partially due to the corruption constantly feeding him negative thoughts which probably lead to nightmares) the mattress just lies on the ground and is surrounded by pillows and things. Kind of like when a cat loafs because there was an old hc about him doing it on this blog and it’s never left my mind

Due to the corruption morphing parts of his body into something that mainly kills people he can’t really do stuff that requires the use of two hands. Which is very annoying and frustrating for him

He has a tail, some spiky spine things on his body (mainly his back), and sharpened claws on his arms (they have black scales that cover his hands but it’s covered by the corruption). This is a result of the corruption modifying his base code & model to have the code and parts of a “monster” so that John Doe can better kill people. As such it wouldn’t go away if his corruption was cured, because it modified his code and wasn’t just an add on or muddying his functions so it could take over as the primary host.

He loves having a routine. It’s easier for him to remember things if he does them consistently every single day. Unfortunately he’s not great at remembering himself a lot of the time so the other killers have developed a sort of daily routine which John can follow. He’s been remembering things a small bit better since they started which is progress. (He cannot remember rounds since the Spectre modified the corruption to be really aggressive during rounds so he can kill things better. This has a consequence of making him almost never remember what happens. The one good thing the Spectre has done and it’s unintentional/j)

Despite being largely taken over by the corruption, when he DOES have control over himself (largely during the off-time between rounds or during larger periods of rest), he likes to tease the other killers and annoy them for fun. He finds their reactions funny and if he wasn’t affected by the corruption he’d definitely be a bit of a gadfly. Before the corruption happened he was largely kind and sweet though he did have a mischievous side. After his corruption the old code largely suppressed his niceness but not the other part. He cannot speak or anything but the other killers Know when he’s being a bit of an annoyance for fun.

Hello new mods :) I like posting long rambles I hope you can withstand my long words about things I like/j -🪶anon

Hello hi!! We don't mind we're all here to hear you ramble after all ^^

Love hcs of John Doe just trying to be a normal guy and keeping some of his humanity despite the corruption bc he's just that.

[oifaaa]

Idk if you're still doing the assumption game, but here's another one: you have feelings about Alfred Pennyworth, and they aren't good feelings.

(Aka you don't like Alfred)

Is this really something you have to assume I feel like this is just a known fact like if I had a wiki page in the trivia section it'd just say "Oifaaa does not like Alfred the butler"

[hermitcraftx]

just got a dm abt one of my posts and y'all please don't try and show the hermits (or any minecraft youtuber or content creator for that matter) my posts, i'm uncomfortable with it and don't want any of my posts shown to a cc. if they stumble upon it naturally that's unfortunate but i can live with it since i do maintag a lot (something i REALLY need to stop doing tbh i already know i need to make a tagging system just for my blog that wont clog results) but going out of ur way to show a cc is entirely different and something i am not comfortable with.

no hate to the person at all but even if i wasn't a little silly and weird with it sometimes i wouldn't be comfortable with it, i want my blog to be a purely fandom only space with none of the creators involved <3 please respect this

[nereidprinc3ss]

mojave ghost

in which spencer reid spends the night with fem!reader—a total stranger—because she just feels so familiar. based on the song "my life in art" by Mojave 3.

18+ (implied intimacy) warnings/tags: based on a song about a stripper who runs away from her abusive boyfriend. tws for mentions of physical abuse. r has bruises from pole dancing. a little ooc bc Spencer hooks up with someone he just met but that's the point and if u know him like I do u know its not completely impossible. mentions of typical cm violence/murder. one brief mention of spencer's addiction. spencer's childhood trauma and abandonment. it's kind of just a heavy one, lmk if i'm missing anything a/n: I doooo suggest you listen to the song first just to feel the vibe of the piece and also how it is literally about Spencer Reid. and also bc its gorjus. anyways its been a while and this is not my most standard content but pls lmk what u think and if u liked it <3

He shouldn’t have done it. 

But when he saw you, sitting in a metal folding chair next to some peeling veneered-desk, his breath caught. Something primal deep in his stomach tugged the way it does when he finds little external fragments of himself, calling out to him—usually nonhuman objects. He’s seen himself in books, still warm from the hands that held them but ultimately forgotten on a bench or in the airport, needles in alleys or in between tiles on his bathroom counter, in shards of glass, in a hundred open wounds and dead animals, abstractly gutted on the side of the street. 

When he does see himself in a person, it’s in alarming glimpses. The man in the sleeping bag on the corner who talks to people that aren’t there. The lost child crying on the subway platform, rooted to the spot and still gripping the straps of their little backpack with responsible fists. It’s never anything he wants to know about himself, but this identification, this taxonomy and recognition of sameness—it’s so strong it stops him in his tracks, every time. He never really relates to the people he’s supposed to. Not Hotch. Not Gideon. Not even Maeve, in the way he’d so naively hoped for. Three people, all incredibly intelligent, at times standoffish. Used to being on the outside. All still possessing things and redemptive qualities he doesn’t. And what Spencer has secretly believed about himself for what has recently become a very long time, is that he is defined by his lack. The shape of him is made of negative space. He feels like whatever is in your lungs when you’ve pushed all the air out. 

And then, you. 

Physically, you look nothing alike. And he stops and lurches and does a double take like he’s seen his doppelgänger or been startled by his own reflection in a passing window anyway. Maybe it’s the way you hold yourself—hunched, foot tapping, head hung but still scanning the room, ever vigilant as you pick at your nails. You want to be small. You want to fold in yourself so many times you become a black hole. Spencer knows this. 

Something calls out from deep inside him, from all around him, that is not quite in his voice, but feels like grasping and reaching. 

I know you, I know you. 

He doesn’t catch himself in time before he’s walking toward you like he’s been waiting for you. 

Of course your head snaps up at the same time as he stops, and your eyes are shiny but not teary—frozen over with a layer of thick, dark ice like you’d carried the cold inside with you. You look caught. He searches for some sort of recognition in your eyes, anything to betray the fact that you have met before, because he never forgets a face but he knows what familiarity feels like and he can’t remember meeting you. 

His throat forms around something but the wrong word comes out. Halting, like he’s trying to lasso it and pull it back in. 

“Hi.” 

You pull your scarf down—a deep Roman purple—to reveal a pretty mouth, lips chapped by the unforgiving freeze outside. 

“Hello,” you say, politely, considering his probably strange behavior. He gives you a proprietary scan. Utility coat over a thick grey sweater. Jeans, cuffed at the bottom but still nearly too long, probably belted, although he can’t tell from the posture and the sweater. Brown boots. Your bag is a frayed tapestry of neutrals and patches. Fingerless knit gloves. You’ve given yourself false density, let the clothes swallow you up. Shapeless. Nearly faceless, magnet eyes framed between the scarf and the hat. But you’ve got a name. Everyone has a name. There’s yet to be anything humanity has discovered and not bothered to name. 

He forgets to ask. You clear your throat. 

“Um, I spoke to someone on the phone—Aaron, I think? We’re supposed to talk.”

Spencer tries to pick his jaw up off the floor. 

“Yeah, um, I can—I’ll… go get him.”

He turns away and breathes for the first time since he saw you, but he feels you behind him. He’s aware of exactly where you are in relation to the back of his head, he can feel you, like a hot spot, all the way to Hotch’s door. He lets himself in, slipping between as small a gap as he can manage and shutting the door gently behind him. Hotch looks up, not noticeably displeased at having been interrupted in his endless paperwork. 

What Spencer learns from his boss is this: you live in DC. You heard about a murder in Kansas—a girl, her hair still a fine, pale cornsilk. Barely not a child. You heard the details, and you called the cops, because you swear to god you know who did it, and they told you there was nothing they could do and gave you the number of someone who might be able to help, and so you followed a bureaucratic trail of phone numbers designed to discourage until you got to the BAU. Hotch says he’s going to interview you, but it’s probably nothing. 

“Actually, I’d like to do it if that’s okay.”

Hotch frowns deeper than usual.

“Why?”

Spencer swallows. Hesitates. 

“I finished my incident report early.”

Though he clearly has his reservations about Spencer’s sudden interest, Hotch is knee-deep in paperwork. So that’s how Spencer ends up in the round table room with you. 

You look too young, too raw to have been married, but you’re rubbing at your ring finger with the adjacent thumb like something is bothering you there. An absence that has become a presence. Negative space. You see things that aren’t there. Spencer knows that, too. Maybe you’re the kind of person who could look at him and see something.

That is his most intimate fantasy. He imagines it with you and feels the same kind of illicit shame and bloodied, starving hunger other people feel when they imagine sex or drugs or ravaging power; the way anyone imagines anything they want and can’t have.  

But he can’t put that kind of pressure on you. He can’t hold expectations like that. You’re a stranger. 

“Do you always do that?”

He points to your fiddling and gets that sour feeling in his throat he always does when he says something and wishes he hadn’t said it. That probably doesn’t show on his face. Most things don’t show on his face. Or maybe they do and nobody has bothered to tell him. 

You flex your pretty hand and then make a fist like you’ve been burned, probably to stop the compulsion. When you give a self-deprecating laugh, Spencer feels incredibly guilty for having pointed it out. But he doesn’t know how to talk to you. And at the same time, he almost expects it’ll be like talking to himself. Only nobody will give him odd looks. 

“Uh… old habit. I used to spin my wedding ring around when I was nervous.”

Used to. You’re especially too young to have been divorced. 

“You’re nervous?”

Your eyes flash as you look up to him. With what, he doesn’t know. Lightning, maybe. Electrical impulses that are a little less well insulated in you than in everyone else. 

But maybe he’s projecting. 

“Yeah. I feel crazy. But I was with a guy for a while who—and he was from Kansas—who would always, like, talk about… about hurting people. And I thought it was a joke at first, but… he laughed, at other people’s pain. He liked to hurt people. And animals. His dad had a farm, so I thought it was maybe he was just cavalier about life and death, but it was more than that. And he lived… he lived in that town. Where that girl died. He probably knew her. I… I probably knew her.”

Spencer’s heart sinks and he clears his throat like the force could bring it back up the right level again. 

You’re not his soulmate. You’re just paranoid. Looking for answers and resolution, like everybody else. 

The piece of himself he saw in you was just free radical damage. Instability. 

“Did he ever kill anyone before?”

“Wh—not that I know of. But I don’t really think he would’ve told me.”

But you would’ve known. You’re here because you’re lost. 

“Did he ever seriously injure anyone?”

You swallow and sit up a little straighter. Heat lightning in your eyes, again. It makes him feel something. He sits up too, despite your indignance, because it’s entrancing. 

“Yes.”

“How so?”

“He… he…” you melt as quickly as you inflated and go back to spinning a ring that’s not there. It’s like watching technicolor go to black and white. “He’d beat people up. He cut them with broken beer bottles and… yeah. A lot of other shit. He was just… he was crazy. He wasn’t… okay.”

The way your gaze flickers back and forth like you’re reading pages of a book or perhaps in REM as you recount in vague detail what your ex had done clues Spencer into the fact that you’re extremely traumatized. The way you make sure to emphasize that your clearly abusive ex wasn’t okay clues him into the fact that you care too much. That you’re too quick to excuse people’s bad behavior, or dismiss it, because you know how it feels to be dismissed entirely and you don’t want to make anyone else feel the way you’ve felt. 

Or maybe he’s still projecting. Maybe he’s idealized you in these few short minutes since you met and he’s too far gone. Maybe he should’ve let Hotch do this interview after all. In fact, he absolutely should’ve. 

But the worst thing by far he did was ask to walk you to your car after all was said and done. 

The interview went on for over two hours, and he’d learned things about you he suspects you’ve never told anyone before, and thus has learned about himself, and the building is mostly empty when you finally leave. The work day is over. So he selfishly asks you to wait while he gathers his things—buttons his coat, wraps his scarf, packs his bag—and then he soaks in the silence on the elevator because it’s that terrible, beautiful space between where you first cross the line and when you do something unforgivable. Asking to walk you to your car was crossing the line. 

Sleeping with you was unforgivable. 

And he didn’t care. Maybe he knew he was going to do this from the moment he saw you. Spencer never does this. The knowing that it was going to happen is quite a distinct flavor of intuitive knowledge and it was always on the back of his tongue. 

You’re silver and purple, a streak, a blur, you move too fast to keep up with and even when you’re perfectly still the atoms around you scramble like they’re jonesing. You inspire movement. You are movement. But he gets to see you slow, and despite having known you only a few hours, he knows this is nothing short of a natural phenomenon. A once in a lifetime sort of shooting star. That’s where the silver comes in. 

The purple, though—it’s in strange places. Around your upper arm. Between your thighs. On your knees and shins and hips. The first time he noticed it he couldn’t ignore it, but he couldn’t very well ask what’s hurting you while he was touching you in a way that was decidedly not painful, if he wanted to keep it that way. And he did. He wanted to keep you looking at him through half-lidded eyes like he was something to see. 

Still, he can’t notice it and then fuck you without saying something—or maybe he could, and you desperately want him to and you ask for it and maybe most people would, but he won’t—so he brings it up. 

“I lead a very active life,” is your whispered excuse, shaped by a smile that is something like mischievous. And then you’re kissing his flushed neck and making your descent and so he can’t ask very many questions. 

It’s only in the precarious after that he can fit his questions in, which is dumb and he knows that, because you’re a dizzying contradiction of cagey and flighty and really the slightest thing will send you running. It’s funny how he knows that after a few hours and sex. Sex can tell you so much about a person. Spencer has compiled all the data from his experiences and decided sex is radically more effective a profiling tool than interview. 

You’re on his pillow, lying on your stomach, and his hand is in your hair. Falling in love is quite a distinctive taste as well. Or at least, the recognition that if you spend enough time around a person you will, beyond a shadow of a doubt, fall in love with them. It is almost the same thing. It aches because it’s there and the proper thing to do is pretend it’s not. 

And his hand is in your hair. And your eyes are closed, and you look like you might fall asleep, and he should be beyond grateful for all of these things. He is. 

But that pesky desire to ameliorate, to improve and make better, and fix and heal, is too strong. Probably it’s the only way he thinks anyone will love him, is if he makes himself useful. That’s no revelation to him. The thought is not shocking whatsoever. It’s just true. 

So he asks again. You blink your eyes a quarter of the way open. 

“Hazard of the job.”

“What job?”

You make a noncommittal noise of reluctance—a discontented puppy’s whine, half-asleep. 

“I’m a circus freak.”

He laughs and remembers to keep scratching your scalp. The way you smile, eyes closed, is infectious. 

“Yeah? What’s your act?”

“Guess,” you challenge through the remnants of a smile, oozing satisfaction and glowing like a star. 

When he pauses to regard you, to seriously consider, studying the curve of your cheek and the color of your lips, you open your eyes again. 

“Tightrope walker,” he finally says, earnestly, so soft it could tear down the middle like gauze. 

Your answer is a smile into the dark. “How’d you know?”

The corner of his mouth vies higher. 

“I sensed a kindred spirit.”

Silence floods the room again, slowly, thickly, like molasses. It’s pleasant. You’re still here, in his bed, and he’s still measuring time with the pendulum of his hand in your hair. 

“What do you really do?” 

He expects you to be asleep. 

“Dancer.” Your lips hardly move as you say it, inflectionless, immediate. If his hand falters, it’s only momentarily. That explains the bruising, and so is a relief, as far as he’s concerned. But perhaps his silence is misconstrued. “Do you want me to go?”

It certainly doesn’t seem like you want to go. Your eyes aren’t even open. 

He keeps his voice low and gentle like maybe you really are asleep. 

“Why would I want you to go?”

“Don’t… do that.”

“What?”

“Don’t act like you’re not judging me.”

“I’m not judging you. I’m from Vegas. Your job is not a novelty to me.”

This time when your eyes slide open, there is a new, curious light behind them. 

“Really?”

He nods, distracted by a freckle just beneath your eye. 

“When I was ten I ran into my bus driver wearing two quarters as a shirt. And we weren’t even on the strip. We were in a Texas Roadhouse parking lot.”

You snort with laughter and it’s melodic, like twinkling crystals, like running water. Even as you hide your face behind your hand, he’s transfixed. God, he’s never cared about being funny before. Now he wants to make you laugh over and over again. He wants to keep you softer than you’ve ever been. The laughter fades slowly and he grieves it—but your hand sliding away from your face like the sun coming up from behind a mountain eases the ache. 

You reach out as if in a trance and run your thumb gently beneath his eye. He holds his breath as you make contact, butterfly light. Nobody has ever touched him like this before. 

“You’re gorgeous,” you murmur. A thoughtless observation. A truth cast to the breeze. Knuckles carefully follow the dip of his cheekbone—a cartographer, learning her way by touch. Marking her territory. He’d let you do it. His eye stings, ready to spring forth a river just so you can have the pleasure of discovering it. “Breathe,” you laugh, softly, and he does. 

“Sorry.”

You don’t say a thing. You let your fingers trace borders into his skin and follow them with soft eyes and he wonders what he’s ever done to deserve this kind of magic. He wonders if he’ll ever feel as good as he does right now, when it’s all over. Nobody has ever paid this much attention to him—but you’re intent, focused, like he’s art. 

“Tell me about Vegas.”

It takes him a moment to reply. 

“Hm?”

He feels bewitched. Warm. Foggy. A thumb brushes over his lips, but it’s only a pass, thank god, because he can hardly stand how you’re touching him already, at the high point of his cheek, beneath his brow. Finally getting enough sometimes feels awfully close to too much. He’s already almost cried once. 

“I wanna hear about Vegas. I’ve always wanted to go. Is it hot?”

Spencer will say whatever you want him to say, but he has to focus a little—like he’s speaking through honey. 

“In the summer, during the day. In the winter at night it drops to below freezing.”

“Desert-y,” you hum.

“Very.”

“Tell me more.”

There’s a rousing hunger in your voice and it reminds Spencer to want you again. He finds your waist and tugs you closer. Who is he with you?

Is he better? 

“There are 175 casinos in the city, but only thirty on the strip. There are 15,000 miles of neon tubing on the strip alone. It’s the brightest place on earth. You can see it from space.”

“Not that.”

Petulant. He loves it. 

His lips find the softness of your shoulder. “Then what?”

The only clue that you can feel what he’s doing to you is the twitch of your fingers on his cheek. 

“Tell me something… tell me exactly how it feels to stand in the middle of the desert. With nobody else around. Tell me things and details I couldn’t know about unless I’ve been there.”

At the junction of your neck, he pauses. This beautiful girl, and her beautiful brain—you are so disarming. So perfect. 

You shiver into him as his fingers brush up the back of your neck, gently pushing away hair so he can learn you everywhere. So he can remember your landscape, just like he’s doing as he closes his eyes and falls into memory. 

A gas station, off the side of the road—seemingly in the middle of nowhere. Desert all around. His dad’s ’79 Ford Fiesta—the one he didn’t take with him when he left. The driver’s door is open. Spencer’s dad has been inside for minutes. Spencer is watching from the middle of the road, because he looked out from the backseat of the Fiesta, and saw that dark, unassuming spot, and thought—how would it feel to be the darkness? What would I see if I were nothing at all?

When he gets there, and he stands on the sun bleached pavement, veined with spiderwebs of tar, and he sees this all from a distance—he realizes he feels exactly the same as he always does. So he pivots his head to the left. The road goes on until it disappears into the smudgy horizon. To the right, it does the same. The earth swells, far away, so many miles, so coal black, so impossible. Hardly even real. But there is something out there, he thinks. There is something, even if nobody else has ever been there, and I want to stand in the middle of it and I will learn how it feels to be nothing. I will not observe—I will become apart of the landscape, with the Joshua trees that have been there for a thousand years, and the rocks that haven’t moved in millennia. 

So he begins to walk. 

The rocks crunch under his feet, and that is the only noise. 

He walks for minutes. He walks until he knows the gas station will be small. He walks until he can feel the emptiness on the back of his neck, until it feels like an embrace. 

“It’s silent,” he hears himself say to you, in some other universe, decades in the future. “At night, it’s completely silent. You can hear yourself breathe. If you throw a pebble ten feet away, you’ll hear it hit the ground.”

Little Spencer takes a deep breath of inky air. 

“It smells like… geosmin.”

“What?”

Perfect. Your voice is perfect. 

“Dirt. But it’s not the same as dirt anywhere else. It’s… drier, like it’s smelled the same way for a really long time.”

Spencer’s cheeks burn. He’s doing a terrible job explaining.

But he feels your breath on his cheek—eager. Your hand at his shoulder as you lean closer, enraptured. Reverent, almost. 

“What else?”

What else?

Dry brush snags on the hem of the corduroys his mother had picked out for him. They’re a little too short. She’s going to try to take him shopping again tomorrow. It’ll work this time—they’ll get to the store. Mom’s just been having some trouble leaving the house lately. 

Rustling leaves skim the tips of his fingers as he reaches out for them, and keeps walking. When was the last time someone touched that shrub?

“There’s vegetation. Creosote, mostly, if you’re in the scrubland. Larrea tridentada. It’s dry—kind of twiggy, with green leaves and yellow flowers in the spring. The smell is bad, like asphalt, but you only notice if you get close.”

He hears his dad calling his name. It fades in and out. 

It’s dizzying, hearing his father’s voice. His father saying his name. 

It’s been a long time. 

“It’s so flat that things don’t echo. But because of the extreme variations in temperature the air pressure sometimes forces the sound waves to the ground and makes it impossible for them to propagate. They’re called the Santa Ana winds. Someone could be standing right next to you and if the wind blows at just the right angle, you won’t be able to hear them. But when it’s still, sound carries far.”

His father is angry. Or is he worried? 

Spencer can make out his dad, pacing frantically back and forth across the gas station pad, white button-up a glowing beacon even from this far away beneath the lone yellow street light. He looks so small. So very far away. Ant-like. 

Santa Ana comes slow—warmer than the night air around him, to ruffle his hair and rustle the dry leaves and blow soft clouds of fragrant sienna dirt around at his knees. It blows through him. For a moment, it wakes the desert up. 

Then it’s passed. It moves further down the desert and leaves Spencer behind. Things settle into silence again. He’s alone again. 

Spencer’s stomach flips as he realizes his father can’t see him this far away, this deep into the dark nothing. 

As he finally feels the enormity of the distance on all sides. 

Suddenly the void behind him is massive. Suddenly it is everything, and it is sucking him deeper. Nobody can see him. He could just disappear into 25,000 square miles of desert. He’s already, what—a thousand feet gone? More? The weight of all the infinite space behind him presses, and he thought it’d feel interesting but it feels like dying and there has never been so much regret or dread curdling in his stomach before. His face crumples, eyes stinging in the dry air, and he takes one step forward, and then another, and then he runs like he’s running for his life. But he doesn’t feel chased—no, that’s the worst part. He is running from an infinite, vacuous, nothing. Dad! He screams, but even this young he knows how sound waves work in the desert and he can tell his dad can’t hear him and he’s running and screaming until his lungs burn, and the scrub lashes at his ankles, and it has been the same for a thousand years and it will stay the same for a thousand more with or without him. Dad, I’m right here! He sobs, the words ripping up his throat with desperation as they go. 

Finally, finally, he’s heard, and he’s close enough to see his dad seeing him, he stops pacing and stares dumbfounded at the little boy appearing from the desert, sneakers slapping cracked asphalt. He gets closer and closer until he can see the lines on his father’s face and the color of his eyes and he sobs as he crashes into him. His dad’s hands are vice-tight around his arms, as Spencer cries and can’t breathe and thrashes like a fish out of water. 

What? Is all his father can manage, tight and baffled and afraid and the first word of a question he doesn’t even know how to ask. He says it again and again, like a skipping record; what—what? What?

On the drive home, Spencer sits in the backseat, a bottle of Bug Juice in his lap. His ankles sting, whipped and bloodied and punished for wearing too-short pants. 

The silence is cloistering and at the same time, completely par for the course. He does not expect his father to speak to him, but he sort of thinks maybe another father would. 

Outside, the black spine of distant mountains rolls on forever and stays impossibly far away. He peers out into the nothing, past what the moonlight can illuminate—and now, he doesn’t have to wonder. He knows how it feels. Imagines another little boy made of shadows, as far away from the road as he’d been, and feels sick from all that fruit juice. He won’t ask his dad to pull over—all he wants is to get rid of that feeling on the back of his neck, like he’s dissolving into space. Like he’s the only thing for miles and miles. 

But the problem is—the feeling doesn’t go away. 

Not in the driveway. Not in the bath. Not in bed, later that night. 

Spencer did a bad thing and he wishes he could go back to normal. He wishes he didn’t get that desert feeling when he was surrounded by other people. But it comes back, again and again. At school. When he tentatively asks for new pants and his mom throws a vase at the wall and then sobs on the floor for forty minutes. When a few weeks later, his dad leaves, and doesn’t take the Ford with him—so it sits under the carport, greets him on his way to school every morning, and over the course of years the windshield turns opaque with dust. 

He hasn’t stopped feeling that way since. 

“You okay?”

A long, soft breath draws him back into his body. Into his bed. 

Not creosote. Not geosmin. Not the Santa Ana winds, coming from the deepest parts of the desert and carrying their desolation to him. Shampoo. Warmth. A girl who smells sort of like him, now—a girl whose perfume is all over his neck and chest and pillow. 

You’re there. You, a stranger. You, a girl he’s going to fall in love with. You—the only person he ever brought into the desert with him. The only person who ever brought him back. 

Point Nemo is not in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Asphodel is not in the underworld. It’s a little less than half a mile out across from an old gas station on the I-15 in the middle of the Mojave desert. 

Spencer nods because he can’t bring himself to speak just yet. 

You smile and take the time to find his hand in the dark. 

“Felt like I was out there with you. Thanks.”

And he squeezes your hand—because for the first time, it feels like someone is going to come looking for him. 

lyrics from my life in art <3

[redr0sewrites]

🪻A/n: general black sapphire x reader hcs ! i have a few black sapphire asks, but i wanted to do this 1st so i could figure out his characterization

🪻 Cw: fluff, smut, mentions of possessiveness and jealousy, exhibitionism, roleplay, dirty talk

🪻 dividers

sfw:

Black Sapphire Cookie is, if anything, a flamboyant lover. he's very theatrical and always looking to impress you, and truly doesn't care if he receives good or bad attention from you. however, it does take a lot of effort for him to truly be in a relationship with you. getting him to be honest, open, and loving with you is certainly a feat, and i think any sort of relationship with him takes a lot of time. he's used to deceit after all, and is not so familiar with romance. sure, he knows the performative side of being a couple, such as expensive dates and flashy gifts, but the intimacy part? yeaaa it takes him a while.

i think he'd be a bit of a bully when he first met you- ESPECIALLY if you're favored by Shadow Milk Cookie. he's not used to having to vie for his leader's attention, and can be very intense in trying to almost humiliate you? but what he doesn't realize is that this strange and very unusual and almost fun wait what obsession is also simultaneously fueled by him wanting your attention all to himself..,,,,

he's pulling every trick in the book to piss you off. from pranks to stealing your items or spreading rumors, he's very adamant about making it verrrrryyyyy obvious that he absolutely totally hates your guts and feels no other feelings towards you ! yup! does the fact that he finds it absolutely disgustingly attractive when you get mad at him have anything to do with it? the world will never know ! (Shadow Milk and Caramel Apple Cookie are pleading with him to grow a spine and realize his feelings.)

over time you start to see through his act though. i think that, no matter how hard he tries, Black Sapphire just Cannot hide that he does actually care for you and soon he sorta switches from wanting your negative attention to wanting your positive attention

you'd probably get whiplash ngl, like all of a sudden he went from trying to make you MISERABLE and/or being a freak to complimenting you and spreading rumors that you're both together??? sorry???? did you hit your head and die???? bc who r u and what have you done to Black Sapphire Cookie???

i think Black Sapphire Cookie would be the one to confess, but i do also think that you'd have to do some prying first. like you ask him "heyyy did you start that rumor that we're dating....?" and he'd just be like. "yes. we are now." and then confess

when it comes to the actual relationship, he has an idea on how romance works, but he hasn't gotten much actual soulful relationship experience and can be a bit unconventional at first- not cruel or anything, but almost awkward in a sense ?

Black Sapphire would not want to screw this up. your genuinely very important to him and, even though he doesn't like to admit it, he does care for you- he just can't express it very well. one thing that he does have going for him is his charm, so he'd try to be very superficial and flirtatious in the beginning of the relationship. however, if you see through his facade, while at first i think he'd be caught off guard, i do think that he would in turn start to (try to) be more genuine

its a slow process, but dramatic pda and overzealous compliments slowly start to turn into something else- something a bit softer. not that he doesn't adore showering you in affection, he still has a theatrical flair after all, but it becomes more tailored to your preferences. Black Sapphire would start paying more attention and begin appreciating you more, not just for your entertainment value but for you as a whole.

not only does he become more loving, but i also think that Black Sapphire would become a bit more possessive as well. witches forbid some cookie tries to do you wrong, because not only is he going to beat them up, but he will also proceed to belittle them and spread the most horrendous rumors on his radio show. he has a bit of a jealousy streak, and if you start spending too much time with others he'll definitely get a bit pouty

speaking of, i think quality time would be very important to him in a relationship. he quite enjoys just following you around while you do your daily tasks, almost like a guard dog. he likes when you turn to him for help, relishes being useful for you- and you can use this to your advantage. he loves it. whats in it for you? well, in turn, you get one of the most dramatic and powerful cookies to be comically miffed about carrying around your egregious amount of shopping bags while trailing behind you with an irritated expression on his face. (he's carrying too much to be able to hold hands with you, and now his feelings are hurt. he will not admit this.)

however, as much as he loves spending time with you, this isn't the thing he values the most- i actually think he'd hold words of affirmation to a very high importance. now, you may be thinking, isn't he like, very big on lying and not being true to his word? yes. does he expect that of others? yes! which is why he believes words of affirmation to be so important!!! while he may not admit it, just a few truthful words of affection means more to him than you will ever know. the truth is hard to find in his world, and i think that once he realizes you deeply, truly mean what you say, Black Sapphire craves your praise like an addictive drug he just can't get off of

when it comes to dates, i think that Black Sapphire Cookie would prefer elegant dates, usually with some sort of theatrical twist or dramatic flair. maybe some sort of party or gala, where he can parade around and show you off while simultaneously spreading his infectious gossip !

ultimately, while a relationship with him can take a lot of work, i do think that Black Sapphire Cookie can grow to be almost normal and loving. he is still a follower of deceit after all, and i think he'd thrive best in a relationship with someone who is more than willing to let him be as freaky and fucked up as he is without trying to change him <3

do not (PLEASE DO) get me started on yandere Black Sapphire Cookie DONT DO NOT DONT LET ME BC I WONT SHUT UP PLEEEEEASEEE

nsfw:

definitely a switch. i actually do think Black Sapphire would have a slight preference for being more dominant though, simply because he can be a bit of a control freak

he is a very versatile switch though. he can be a controlling heavy dom or the brattiest sub you've ever seen. he LOVES being put in his place, but is also big on the reverse

before you both even officially get together, Black Sapphire already fantasizes about you a lot. you're the subject of his admiration, and also his lust, and he spends a lot of time imagining not only what he'd like to do to you, but what you'd be into. would you be quiet or loud in bed? squirmy or still? would you cry if he degrades you, would you let him tie you down? the list is endless. he's definitely spent more than a few late nights pathetically fisting his twitching cock to the thought of you, fantasizing about his deepest and darkest desires.

when it comes to kinks, Black Sapphire Cookie has a lot. exhibitionism is definitely the first one that comes to mind, he loves showing you off and doesn't mind fucking you with his microphone in hearing distance, mocking you and forcing you to be quiet lest his microphone pick up the audio and broadcast your moans across all of Earthbread. also doesn't mind bottoming in situations such as this, the thrill of being caught just turns him on 10 times more

also big on roleplay, especially in this sort of scenario. loves roleplay scenarios that involve you both getting caught, or follow the premise of him taking you in front of a crowd or something of the like. he gets super into character when it comes to roleplay, and his radio show persona will almost certainly make an appearance.

degrading and praise is HUGE for him, both giving and receiving. he can be a little mean during sex, but that doesn't indicate that Black Sapphire Cookie doesn't like to reward you as well. it can give you whiplash just how quickly he can swing from taunting you and belittling you mercilessly while you gush and moan to suddenly praising you and peppering you with kisses- it truly depends on his mood

the majority of his dirty talk is degradation, even when he's subbing, Black Sapphire Cookie always has something nasty to say. he just can't resist teasing you, and lovessss fighting for dominance when it comes to dirty talk

edging and overstimulation are yet another favorite of his, as he just loves to see you squirm. theres nothing more pleasing to Black Sapphire Cookie than to make you beg for pleasure, and he also finds it hot when you cry- probably tying into some sort of dacryphilia kink,,,

as previously mentioned, he's a pretty big fan of roleplay, and most of the time its very gameshow/radio host-esque, as he looovesss playing into his own professional persona. however, i do think Black Sapphire Cookie would be into some costume play, specifically on you, like dollification and something of the like. at the very least, he just finds it very attractive to see you dressed up, and loves going to events with you where you're both dressed fancy.

super into shibari or any sort of instances in which you or himself are tied up. he can be quite creative with it too, with tons of different positions and the addition of many different toys always making it to be an exciting experience. sometimes, when he wants to punish you, he'll tie you up with a vibrator with a vibrator attached to your cunt/cock and see just how many orgasms he can wring from you

Black Sapphire Cookie has a pretty high libido, and so he definitely masturbates a lot. as previously stated, he is incredibly into exhibitionism, and looovessss orchestrating scenarios in which you catch him masturbating. he's a bit pathetic when he masturbates in my mind, he has a bit of a high stress job and i think he'd be super pent up a lot. sometimes, when his hand just isn't working for him, he'll turn to humping a pillow and pretending it's you just to reach some sort of release. this is the only time he'll ever be a little embarrassed if you catch him, but the embarrassment only turns him on more.

overall, Black Sapphire Cookie is a pretty experimental lover in bed, and has a lot of characteristic charm that makes him a great partner

this is basically like. character development via me forcing him into a relationship. this took way too long to write omfg. i am still STRUGGLING with his characterization and wanted like. a reference to look back to for when i complete the rest of my requests ! hes soo fine but also. so nuanced. ANYWAYS HOPE U ENJOYED SEND IN MORE ASKS >:)

[poetryandfluffycats]

can you please do mika x fem reader nsfw with him giving her lots of body praise bc shes insecure and calling her a good girl?

A/N: I finished this in like a day so very sorry if it seems rushed or half-assed, I just really liked my idea for it. enjoy!

Pairing: Mika Kagahira x fem!reader

Content: Lingerie is the best way to spice things up in the bedroom, at least that's what the lady behind the counter had said. Trying on lingerie with your boyfriend should be a fun experience, but your mind just can't comprehend that. Luckily, Mika is there to cheer you up, in his own special way.

Warnings: NSFW, oral sex(f receiving), public sex, lots of petnames(pretty girl, good girl, my girl), negative self talk, insecure reader

Words: 1.5k

NSFW oneshot under cut!

The dressing room was as stuffy as it always was, small and filled to the brim with posters and ads advertising the latest sales of the store you were in. Some tacky, cheap lingerie store Mika had dragged you into. The kind the sold the most outrageous designs made with the worst fabrics possible and then marketed to young woman as if it were some sort of high end luxury brand.

Colours of pink, purple, and green were scattered all over the floor, a sea of your failed attempts at finding a sexy outfit fit for you. A eye-shadow wearing teen behind the counter had told you that lingerie was the absolute best way to spice up your bedroom relations, but you figured out early into this fashion show that her words must have been a lie, because none of what you put on looked good at all!

"(name)? Why don't ya try on this one?" Mika's green head of hair poked through the thin curtain of the dressing room, in his hand a set of black, lace, crotchless panties and a matching bralette with tiny embroidered lace hearts over where the nipples would go. "I think ya'd look real pretty..."

You eyed him, then the clothes, then him again, before snatching the item out of his hands and hiding it behind your back, as if it were some forbidden object he wasn't allowed to look at. "I don't know, Mika... maybe we should just leave"

As if he were in compete desperation, Mikas bottom lip stuck out and he looked into your eyes with the biggest puppy dog expression he could muster. It was a look he used on you more than often, a look that always got him what he wanted.

"Please? I've been feelin' bad, since I don't buy ya nice things an' all. Let me do somethin' for ya just this once!"

With those eyes and that dopey grin, it was hard to say no to the man. How could you when he always looked so adorable? You didn't like to disappoint a face like that, and It wasn't like you were trying to! The main reason behind your heastaince towards the skimpy get-ups Mika has throwing at you was well, stupid in all reality, but you were worried he wouldn't like what he saw.

Yeah, stupid, but the whole time you stood in that tiny room surround by the tiniest pieces of clothing known to man, the only thoughts that managed into your mind were negative. Thoughts of how you looked silly, weird, thoughts of how it looked like you were wearing someone else's skin when the lingerie was on your body.

Sick, ugly feelings. Ones that made you feel like all the organs in your body were rearranging themselves.

"Do ya not like it?" You must have zoned out whilst changing, because Mika was now standing right beside you, eyebrows knitted in concentration-like he was trying to read your mind.

You gulped, eyes scanning over yourself in the dirty mirror. You didn't look bad, per say, but not practically good, ever. The lace of the panties sat comfortably around your waist, but the way the fabric hugged your curves in a way that nearly made them budge out didn't feel right to you. The embroidered hearts of the bralette were cute enough, and the way the bra itself pushed your breasts together was a nice touch, but again, something didn't feel right.

Didn't feel like you.

"Its not that, I mean, its nice, I'm just..." You trailed off, searching for the correct words to try get out what you were thinking without really explaining it in depth. Mika didn't need all your problems dumped onto him all at once, and there was nothing he could do about it even if you did. "I'm just not feeling it"

"Why not? Yer gorgeous! Most beautiful in the whole wide world!" His grin stayed, but there was a new look of confusion, and even a bit of sadness that filled his features. "Ya could be a model, I think. I'd watch any show ya were in, I'd be like, ya number one fan!"

"Don't say those sort of things" Hot red spread to your cheeks as you adverted your gaze to the ground. Compliments from Mika were a daily thing, that's just the way he was, but they still never failed to make you smile despite your personal internal struggles. "Not now, its embarrassing"

"But I'm right!"

The boy in front of you made a sound that could only be described as whimpering, pout on his lips widening to the point where you thought his cheeks might simply explode, before he lunged forward, arms wrapping around your middle and pulling you close into his chest. You stumbled a bit, almost falling out of his hold and flat onto your face, but managed to steady yourself by gripping onto his jacket.

"It's not fair" Mika whined into the crook of your neck, leaving feather-light kisses all down the bare skin. His words were muffled from his mouth being pressed so tightly against you, but you could just make out what he was saying. Just...

"Yer perfect, but ya don't know it" Another kiss, this one maybe with a bit more tongue and trailing further down your neck. "That's sad, but I don't like when yer sad. Can I help ya not be sad?"

Was this even the right place for such a question? Mika was a strange man-part of what attracted you to him in the first place was his eccentricities-but this? Was this normal in his eyes? You felt as if your legs might melt into a pool of jelly on the floor, the only thing keeping you upright being Mikas hands holding you in an embrace.

His hold was tight, but soft, his lips on your neck were light and loving, but also so rough and longing at the very same time. God, what were you to do with him?

"What are you trying to do?"

"Hm, dunno" Mika giggled, the precious sound bouncing off the walls. His hands holding you in place began to travel down your back, rubbing over every single bump and cervice of your spine as he slowly lowered to his knees. "I started thinkin' 'bout how I could help ya out, but uh, I got a wee bit excited, but that's okay. I know how to help ya now!"

"Mika, are you fucking serious-"

"Yup! Be a good little pretty girl for me, mkay?"

You barely had time to breathe before Mikas head dove in between your thighs, nose deep in the heat of the crotch less part of your underwear. He took a few deep breaths in, inhaling the scent of you like you were a fresh ocean breeze and he was a man who'd be stranded at sea without water for months. His tongue darted out to give a few tester kitten licks, before fully driving in and licking a full circle around your hole-which was dripping wet already.

"Imma make ya feel real nice, (name)" His voice was like a vibrator against your core, each word sending shivers of arousal up your spine and straight to your brain, clouding it with pleasure, making you forget all about those nasty thoughts of before. "Yer a good girl, so pretty, my pretty lady. Love yer taste so much~"

"Ah!~ M-Mika! We're in public!" You hissed, slapping a hand over your mouth as a moan threatened to slip from your throat. "We're gonna get caught!"

"Nah, don't care. Let em hear, then everyone'll know just how pretty ya are, yeah? And that ya got the best boyfriend to please ya"

A silent sob left your lips as the tip of Mikas tongue entered your hole, flicking up and down and teasing you just perfectly. He knew your body so well, knew where to press up on to make you squirm and whimper, where to suckle to make you scream, he knew it all. Like a mastermind of your body, one might say.

"Pretty, pretty, pretty" Mikas words were like a mantra as he worked. Each and every one of them had you spinning, eyes rolling to the back of your head as the knot in your belly grew hotter and hotter, getting ready to combust at any moment. "Gonna call ya pretty till the day I die, that okay? Yer the prettiest, and I'm the luckiest because you're the prettiest!"

"Christ! Mika! I'm-"

The knot finally snapped, a blinding white light filling your vision for a split second as heat flooded your body. Mika stayed in between your legs for a little while, lapping up all the juices that spilled out from inside you, drinking them like a fine wine. Once he was finished-and once your high was subsided, leaving you a panting mess in the dressing room-he licked one final long stripe up your pussy, wiping the area off with his jacket sleeve before pulling himself back up.

"So, we're buying this one, then?"

[solargeist]

What the relationships between different Hermits and Kid Xelqua are like:

POSITIVE!

Mumbo - Pretty positive all things considered. He manages to entertain him, and generally is a good uncle figure.

Scar - The favourite. Scar gives him unlimited access to snacks and all sorts of unhealthy food (much to Grian’s chagrin). Once gave him so much sugar, Xelqua entered a 5 hour long sugar rush. Grian still hasn’t forgiven him yet because it was an absolute nightmare.

Doc - Surprisingly positive. Despite Doc’s turbulent relationship with Grian, Doc has a soft spot for kids. He’ll drop any kind of tension when Xelqua’s around to not worry him. He’ll still absolutely body Grian, but usually when Xelqua isn’t looking.

Pearl - Due to her leniency, Xelqua likes her. He can get away with anything when she’s around and generally doesn’t impose any harsh rule of punishment on him

Etho - He just thinks Etho is cool (usually because he keeps maple candies in his pockets). An Ethogirl in the making.

NEUTRAL!

Joe Hills - He’s a living Sesame Street styled puppet and Xelqua keeps mistaking him for a normal puppet toy. He once nearly suffocated poor Joe by hugging him a little too tight around his neck.

Xisuma - Barely sees him and for good reason. Xisuma has enough on his plate as admin, he doesn’t need to have to add “babysitting a god” on his plate as well.

Impulse & Skizz - They help Grian out occasionally to watch over Xelqua. Typical fun uncles you can find, but Xelqua doesn’t know much about them or why Skizz gives him the heebie jeebies when he unfurls his Angel wings or when Impulse reveals his full demon form.

Gem - Like Impulse and Skizz, generally friendly with Xelqua, but he’s unsettled by her, but he doesn’t know why. Maybe he senses that Gem isn’t truly a deer satyr and something to do with the rustling in the forests and night and the lingering smell of blood on her.

NEGATIVE…

Cleo - She’s scary to him. Like how you would be scared of the principal when you were a kid in elementary school.

Cub - All the fireworks he uses this season are too loud for him. He has to cover his ears everytime he has to go near the shop.

Joel - Xelqua keeps walking in in Joel in the most embarrassing moments. Like seeing him cry in front of the statue of his wife because she isn’t in the server, falling down an entire flight of stairs, reading Iskall’s creepy Yandere letters, etc. There were several moments where Joel had to cover Xelqua’s mouth because he was about to air all his dirty laundry.

AKDNDJSKAK

of course Scar is the favourite, Xelqua would love his builds, he’d like the animals and Scars silly voices and rambles. He’d also love Scar’s off road wheelchair/ATV, it’s so fast ! He’d absolutely eat all of Scar’s snacks, he’d be talking a mile a minute when Grian shows to pick him up, he just silently glares at Scar.

I love when people draw Doc with Doccy on the server, just a big scary goat and his little goat kid, it’s why he has a soft spot around Xelqua, he’s so tiny. Tho I can only see them interacting if Xelqua accidentally ends up in his base area, got lost maybe. I think Xelqua wouldn’t be scared of Doc despite his looks bc 1) he looks like Scar’s zoo animals (big Goat) and 2) Doc has a kid too, so he’s gotta be safe. Grian is very confused when he sees Doc calling him.

The Joe Hills part almost made me choke AKDNDKSK Joe being a puppet is my favourite design it’s so silly. Xelqua watches a lot of TV, he’d be in awe… so happy to see a real life puppet… Grian has to grab his hands to stop him from choking Joe out.

I think Xelqua would just be intimidated by Cleo at first, he’d warm up to her ! Him being scared of Cub bc of the fireworks is so true tho, Xelqua very much hates the noise and is actively afraid of thunder, he’ll wake Grian up if a storm rolls in at night, and probably hide behind him if a firework went off and no one told him it’d be so loud !

poor Joel 😭😭⁉️⁉️ tho if Joel grabbed Xelqua and covered his mouth like that, Grian is immediately there, he crosses the room so quickly man Watchers don’t play around abt their kids 😭💥 Grian doesn’t even realize he moved or separated them, for a split second his brain didn’t see this as a joke or playing around. Joel gets to see those purple eyes up closeeee and shouts

this was very cute and silly to read ehehehe, also for some reason I think Xelqua would think that Xisuma is Grian’s uncle, no idea how he came to this conclusion.

[leafeyrune]

Something I remind myself when it comes to the release of AvA 11 and the current timeline of AvA is that this takes place a few years back from current timeline (Green Influencer Arc) so…EVERYTHING TURNS OUT! but even then you can subtlety notice a bit of a slight change in Orange.

I’m specifically referring to the lava prank scene regarding their anger but the way Orange treated Green at the end of Ep. 3 can also be noted since I’ve seen it noted before how Orange seems a lot more laid back in a way? It’s hard to say. But we do know Orange has done more to kinda manage his anger (comparing how he reacts to the prank in comparison to the lush caves ep). Sooo who knows….

so I find the way they pace things out so interesting bc like…it really makes you wonder what happens in between that causes that sorta change. Was it intentional? It’s hard to say. I’m still thinking about that one Green comment from the Trick Shots video regarding a comment referring to Orange as The Second Coming. Well of course it’s very likely they do know of that name since it’s been shown to the CG before (looking at the AvLoL video) but do they become aware of Orange’s powers? Does Orange know about his own powers? (Well he does now, but I guess more in a sense of actually witnessing himself *use* these powers). I think it’s interesting (not really in a theorizing way, just more in a ‘huh! Cool!’) sorta way the CG still refer to Orange as…Orange.

I don’t think we are going to get all of our answers about Orange in AvA 11 since it seems it’s going to be much more victim focused considering the name of the ep and the teasers we have all seen (all of them pointing to victim backstory and such). I’m guessing we are going to get more Orange lore in AvA 12 or 13 (maybe some hints or even an awakening in AvA 11 tho….) (NOT NEG BTW LMAO)

But speaking on victim’s backstory…god… I’m not ready… I wonder how much will be seen, I wonder if we are gonna find out about what victim is going to do with Yellow…Chosen and Orange. What are Red, Blue, and Green…going to do now? I wonder how many answers we are going to get for victim…also as I’ve seen others point out how the title is very interesting too…’Victim’ I don’t think this just refers to the character victim, but the concept of a victim. victim is making others into victims because of his plans…Yellow, Chosen, Orange… and even Alan in a way in the future, wanting Alan to feel the pain he felt and feel the pain of his namesake…and who knows about Mitsi’s involvement seeing she most likely has some sort of role to play in this.

Also Dark being alive possibly? (I don’t know how much I believe Dark is alive/will be revived just yet but…I’m open to any possibility LMFAOOO)

AvA 11 is just such a mystery on how they are going to portray it and write it. Because it’s not a series finale, it’s actually more close to the middle/beginning (I think S3 goes to Ep15 or something idk I saw it somewhere I just don’t remember).

But in conclusion,

(If you have made it this far Ty for reading… this isn’t like a theory post or anything, more like just some thoughts I have before the main ep drops tomorrow…I like to ramble and yap)

[oh-no-its-bird]

I'm having. So many Uchiha Houhua thoughts. Like I know so much of his existence is geared towards survival but. The hc of Uchiha's use of war fans,I have to wonder if he ever finds him half heartedly fiddling with a delicate seeming Tessen, remebering an old friend now far gone, just as razor edged and yet still missed.

And it may be my own fondness for the concept of a spider summons but so much of spider behavior is "Please Leave Me Alone" which is very on brand for Houhua. Camouflage and careful, delicate and yet still so dangerous, setting invisible webs between leaves and waiting for the worse predators to pass. (Also using spider venom to fuck with his heartrate for the possum jutsu maybe?)

The entire concept is so delightful and I'm very thankful to have seen all your little tidbits on it

YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU SENT ME A STRAWPAGE I JUST SAW IT LAST NIGHT BUT FELL ASLEEP BEFORE I COULD COPY PASTE IT TO REPLY TO HERE!!!!!!!!!!!

Omg hi funny seeing you here (<- batting my eyelashes, twirling my hair)

Anyways I love this, actually. Like, a lot.

Ough,, Houhua unable to look at war fans without thinking about both SY and SQQ,,,

I think it's actually especially fun to think ab like. The difference in fighting style between (Japanese) Uchiha styled war fan techniques and (Chinese) Cang Qiong Sect war fan techniques. Not even counting the much more specific Qing Jing Peak style of fan techniques.

That also goes double for sword techniques, especially considering the plans for Houhua to go into sword smithing.

Houhua has literal decades of the Cang Qiong sect sword style engraved into his fucking bones. Into his soul, even, if you consider the whole 'cultivators swords are usually tied to their spirits in some way' thing.

He's going to have the worst time trying to switch to Uchiha sword styles-- though I think the sharingan + the unfamiliar, tiny body without all the muscle memory of his past life will help him at least get his footing

,, Hey, is muscle memory held in the actual muscle or is it held in the brain? That's a thought.

ALSO. THE SPIDERS.

I. I cant lie to u, you are making an amazing argument rn for him having a spider summons. I love the idea sm, I am now faced w the ultimate dilemma of choosing between a spider contract or a rat contract.

On one hand, they both carry undertones of like 'there might be a bit more to see here than just a coward' bc of the associated (mostly negative) connotations of rats and spiders both being like, underhanded, sneaky, that sort of thing. But the spider tho,,, ough,, it also shows a side of implied manipulation that might be fun just from the angle of like.

Yeah you'd expect him to have some sort of rodent contract but hes actually been designated spider coded by the universe, actually.

I forget if I posted this snippet yet or if I only posted it on the discord but take this really quick:

So like. This moment, where Kabuto bets Houhua will get some form of rodent contract (for obvious reasons) while Hana bets he gets a fucking worm. But now make it even funnier bc they're both wrong and he got a spider contract.

This could also maybe play interesting into Houhua and Kabuto's sort of ongoing quiet squinting in eachothers direction as they both go 'this guy isnt as simple as he seems...' as Kabuto mentally recalculates some of Houhua's behavior

This also can just bring out a pretty fun "hey so lets talk about in universe stereotypes and associations when it comes to summoning animals" which I just think is fun. Like, culturally, what does it mean to have a contracted animal? Do some people treat it like they might astrology personality tests? Do some people think its just nonsense and pure luck or not that deep?

For some people it probably isn't that deep, while for others (specifically those who might come from families who always have the same contract, or others who sign blank contracts where they really are sent to an animal that matches them best) it really is a good way to try and analyze them

And like. Where does that leave Houhua?

This could also just be fun for when he interacts w Orochimaru, who fucking hates bugs (insert my own personal favorite hc here that he hates them largely in part due to the many times he was stuck inside his own rotting body, infested with bugs)

And like, Houhua and Orochimaru will inevitably interact, though I'm not 100% sure on how it goes just yet. But like. Houhua having a spider contract and Orochimaru coincidentally hating spiders. Could be funny.

PLUS YOU'RE SO RIGHT FOR LIKE. SPIDER VENOM POSSIBLY PLAYING INTO HIS PLAYING DEAD ACT. UR SO SMART FOR THAT.

Anyways. Yeah ok I think spider contract Houhua would go pretty hard for multiple reasons. Give him a big fluffy spider with big ol eyes.

Houhua can maybe get another contract further down the line and then get the rodents he deserves.

Im so glad that you've been enjoying the SQH in naruto au nonsense I've been pumping out!! I'm like. Halfwayish done with chapter one but it keeps getting longer. I'll get there eventually.

I really need to update my tumblr vault with all the recent additions to the au but want to update it when I post the actual fic so I can link the fic to the chapter, so I'm holding off on that

Anyways, thank you for your ask!!

[babiebom]

Heyy love your writing, can I have some headcanons of what it would be like to date Penny? SFW and NSFW if that's okay to you.

(can be male?? but gender neutral is cool too!)

(Google translate translation, sorry if this looks weird ✌️😽)

A/N: the Google translation was fine!! Is it rude to ask what your first language is? I find it interesting!! I’m putting the read more after the sfw section so people who just want that can read it!

Cw: sexual content, male!reader but most of them can be read as gender neutral, mentions of kinks and pregnancy, mentions of trauma. tell me anything else I should tag!

BC: I think 13 for each?

Stardew Masterlist

MINORS DNI!!

Sfw Headcanons

I honestly think Penny would be a comfy girlfriend rather than an adventurous one. Which isn’t horrible depending on what you’re into.

Like she totally is the type of girl to try to cook and bake for you as her way to show you that one she loves you and two that she’s wifey material

Like Penny doesn’t date for fun at all, she’s definitely a date for marriage type of person. So her entire goal is to marry and have kids with you some day.

I think she’s a VERY jealous person, but doesn’t show it often because she wants to be seen as secure and like she trusts you, which she does she just has a bit of trauma.

She would come home from work(either teaching specifically Jas and Vincent or working at an actual school) and tell you stories of what she and the kids did that day.

LOVES seeing you interact with kids, like actually gets a dreamy look in her eyes as if you’re a prince that she’s meeting.

I do think that she would be a VERY sweet girlfriend, like she’s constantly fawning over you, complementing you, and making sure that you feel secure, beautiful, and loved in your relationship. She has the opinion that if you’re feeling down then she’s not doing something right.

I do think that it would be sort of stressful being with her because she takes everything to heart, she gets hurt very easily and while you don’t have to walk on eggshells you do have to be careful how you word things.

ALSO I think if your first language isn’t English she would take the time to learn at least the most basic phrases in your language, just to show how serious she is about you.

I think having you meet Pam(if you hadn’t already) she would stress over it and ramble to you about what to expect for DAYS before you actually meet her.

Like her own father left, and while she loves her mother she’s sort of scared that Pam will cause you to leave because of her behavior.

Meeting your parents she would also stress. She wants to be seen as the PERFECT daughter in law. Like she doesn’t want them to have anything negative to say about her. She’ll help with dishes, any other household chores, basically try to make the family like her by being helpful and sweet.

Likes to read together. Like it doesn’t matter if she’s reading to you, or you’re reading to her, or even you’re both reading your own books side by side, she just wants to share her love of stories with you.

I also think she’s very touchy and clingy. She always wants to be all over you and even in public while she’s not a big fan of PDA she always needs to be holding your hand or your arm in some way. She wants your relationship to be one that people are jealous of and strive after lmao.

NSFW Headcanons

Penny DEFINITELY has some extreme fetishes/kinks. But I do think they’re something that she doesn’t necessarily need them to feel pleasure.

Like if we’re looking at it in a dom/sub giver/receiver top/bottom she would be on the more submissive/ receiving side of things.

She’s not a woman that would want to be on top(unless it’s something that you absolutely want from her) she’d rather lay back and take everything you’re giving to her. Like she gets off on you losing yourself to pleasure so whatever position you want her in she’s happy with.

IS AN EXPERT ON SUCKING DICK IDCIDC

I think she would just get on her knees for you, no words, just her looking up at you waiting for you to tell her to go on. Like it’s the least she could do. You work all day in the fields, and technically she no longer needs to work as a teacher even though she makes NOTHING so giving you head is a little gift to you for providing her with everything she wants.

Actually loves sucking you off, like she moans and whines while doing it, eyes closed and everything.

Not on no baby trapping shit, but if you don’t immediately want kids I would say to wear condoms bc she is absolutely locking her legs behind your back.

It’s not even like she does it on purpose she just does it without thinking. It’s just a bad habit she has when she’s feeling so good that she doesn’t want you to pull away.

Her leg locking is more her wanting to be in your skin rather than trying to get pregnant.

THOUGH home girl does have a breeding kink, though she doesn’t have a pregnancy kink.

She’s always whining for you to breed her, to fill her up, she wants to make you a daddy so bad she swears she’ll be a good mother, a good wife, all you need to do is finish in her and she’ll do the rest.

Gets insanely giddy after having sex, like everyone can always tell that you dicked her down good because she’s just in such a good mood.

Also lowkey has a free use kink but would never say it because she thinks it’s weird. Like she’s all too happy letting you bend her over whenever you want, as long as no one is around.

[mandalhoerian]

Ok this is such a ramble but stick with me I hope it makes any sense whatsoever.

I feel like Rafayel is all about false nonchalance. Like he's a guy with many faces for survival reasons, he can play it cool and quiet a lot of the time and many people had said he was cold a reclusive before mc. I think jealous him would turn inward on himself and become cold and terrified of the idea of losing them. That person who has become so integral to him. The very idea would have him a little frozen and it would take some coaxing to open him up again. Like, he wouldn't be able to fully leave, but he'd sort of hover around outside the circle

The fact that he worked at Mcs University after finding out where she is and then never interacting with her while working there feels telling somehow. Like he's still deeply hurt by her forgetting him, and he even wanders away quickly after running into her and catching a fish. I dont know if I'd call it self-sacrificing? Or it's just him sacrificing himself because he doesn't know what else to do. Easily hurt fishboy loves deeply but doesn't trust human to love him as dearly as he does her more news at 11

Fishboy would hold you at arms length out of fear until reassured

No no this isn’t just a ramble at all, I’m eating it up actually. The idea that you get negative relationship points and take a couple steps back when you manage to get him out of all people really really jealous has been in my mind as well.

It's an achievement getting him jealous in my opinion. Bc I see Rafayel as a person who can *play* the jealous part for shits and giggles to up the drama, but he never really, truly gets that way. I think he's quite secure in their love when he's reassured the way he should be, it has to be about how Lemurians love and operate, you know? It’s only when something matters. Like, when it really threatens the core of his bond with her. His love runs so deep that anything that's a real threat to it doesn’t just hurt, it shakes his whole reality.

And that’s why, god, Caleb. If anyone would get under his skin, it’s Caleb. Because that’s not just a crush or a fling, that’s family. That’s history. That’s someone who had her when Rafayel didn’t. Caleb was there when she broke her promise. Caleb got her formative years, her childhood trust, the parts of her Raf still aches to know. And that comparison would eat him alive. Double that with MC showing different sides of her with Caleb she just doesn't with Rafayel. OOOOHHHH he's gonna silent treatment her for DAYS.

"Fishboy would hold you at arms length out of fear until reassured" YEP. YEP YEP. That's exactly what he did at the beginning of the story (ebb and flow especially). that's also the behavior i think he would revert to *if* he gets seriously jealous.

he's sending you shit like this if he's genuinely joking around

but if he's for real jealous

he's typing normally like this. punctuation ON. and grammatically correct that it's like another person talking

short answers.

he's leaving you on read at some point. or delivered.

you're panic-calling him and he's just watching that phone ring and goes back to painting the most gut-wrenching thing ever he won't eat for days.

you won't be catching him in person. suddenly he's booked and busy. you know it's extra serious when his adhd is magically cured and he's going to those galleries he was avoiding with fervor.

so yeah. god i hope they give us jealous rafayel soon i really want to see what he's canonically like URGH

[titsthedamnseason]

Why are u a Charlie hater? Perhaps I just sympathise with him too much but I really feel as though it takes a certain type of person to get him yk?

Also this isn't me hating on your opinion or anything bc obv it's yours I just like to know details, also lmk if you're ever down to talk more in depth about the series?

i’m not a charlie hater 🤷‍♀️ i’m sure i have used that phrase before but i definitely mean it more like im giving off negative vibes / opinions as in im being a hater but not that i hate charlie. sorry if that makes no sense im insane. what i mean is that yes i guess im a charlie hater but that does not mean i hate charlie or dont like anything about his character or think he’s entirely irredeemable.

also, please talk to me about this series literally ANY time! it’s basically my full time job outside of my actual full time job. there is nothing i enjoy more 🥰 literally any time, any topic i am here for the in depth conversations. you just lmk and im there (also this is making me want to reread the entire like us series which is unfortunate because i am NOT supposed to do that this year)

i just relate to connor a lot more as a character and i don’t get really what there is to sympathize with charlie over. i only bring up connor because everyone is so determined to make charlie out to be another “version” of connor but they are so different to me. kbr paint charlie as SOOOOOO TORTURED but it’s like dude be for real you have a great life. and whatever mental issues he’s battling that sucks…but i do NOT sympathize with his treatment of the people around him especially his family

making disparaging comments about lily and lo’s addictions TO THE PUBLIC, calling them weak to their children, literally EVERYTHING he has EVER said to sulli (which i’ll admit is sometimes super funny but still MEAN AS HELL)…..these things can’t be excused. we don’t really know a lot about his inner workings which is why i’m excited to get into his head but i doubt anything could justify his general behavior towards the people around him. everyone has problems, no one else is a massive dick and uses the fact that they are too smart (????) that it makes their life agony to justify it

get real. charlie is a LOSERRRRRR who has no capacity for managing his feelings despite the infinite resources he could utilize to learn how to do so

also i’m cranky as hell today if it isn’t obvious but when you said “it takes a certain type of person to get him yk” i didn’t like your tone! i mean that lightheartedly 🫶🏻 i promise and i would be very interested in hearing why you DO like charlie and what you find sympathetic about his character and what i am apparently lacking in that makes me unable to do so…

before i close this out i just remembered something else that really bothers me about him is the way he has always treated moffy. you can be sympathetic to his feelings about that whole situation and their dynamic but i find it VERY hard to sympathize with his response. he is immature as hell and never once actually tried to talk to moffy or explain his frustrations and he used moffy as a sounding board for his negative feelings about SO MANY aspects of the world it wasn’t fair at all. it’s sort of the same with his behavior towards sulli like we all have family members we don’t like or problems with people but they aren’t supposed to KNOW that…how come everyone else in the world learns this lesson from childhood but charlie gets a free pass to be rude just because he’s charlie?

and again, it’s annoying because i really do think charlie is often quite funny (like when he threw that book at maximoff’s head? and farrow got so mad because moffy hadn’t slept in days? that was objectively TERRIBLE but his determination to be a menace just HAS to make you laugh i’m so sorry maximoff you did not deserve that king 💚)

[arnaerr]

2024 summary

Each year, I want to write some kind of summary, but each year, I get too overwhelmed with the holidays season to do so. This time, I came prepared, so I wrote this text a bit earlier bc I knew that by now I will be a sleepy shrimp.

2024 was one of the toughest years for me, if not the hardest one so far. Dealing with the lay-off and long term unemployment took a hard toll on me and my mental health, but I'm still here despite it all, and I'm still creating. Really happy that I finally managed to find a job and can finally rest from grinding portfolio work and fighting for my life. Somehow this year turned out to be the most productive too. Something-something, strong emotions (even negative ones) are the best fuel for the inspiration.

This year, I focused more on my brushwork so I can bring my ideas to reality faster and avoid hurting my hand more - and I'm quite satisfied with the results, my hand's pain is almost inexistent at this point. Dance classes, crochet, and playing Elden Ring with the controller also helped to gently strengthen my hands so they are better at handling painting for a longer time now. I also tried to make my works more complex and thought through in general, focused more on the storytelling aspect and more interesting composition decisions. Really liked playing around with this stuff and can't wait to experiment even more. For a long time, I thought that my art has value only if it's being realistic and generic in terms of the game industry style. It took me a long time to acknowledge and accept this, as well as the fact how my painting style is a reflection of myself; I'm quite timid and shy in nature, and it also applied to my painting approach, I was always afraid to do bold brushstrokes, going wild with colours, showing my feelings through my art, expressing myself openly. And I feel like this year, I learned to be not afraid of who I am, not to try to hide my impressionistic approach to the painting behind smooth and "proper" brushwork. I'm not trying to fit into the standard anymore; sure, it would make my life easier in terms of finding an art job quicker and being more popular on social media if I had a more generic art style. But it feels so much better to allow myself to be who I am.

Elden Ring obsession was like the breath of the fresh air. For the several times this year, I was so, so close to having a severe art block, to losing myself in commissions & portfolio work, to losing the wonder the act of creation gives me. Elden Ring made me feel very inspired, gave me the courage to try to draw many things I was afraid to draw before; I really enjoy being a part of this fan community, and I've met so many wonderful and talented people throughout last months that it constantly fuels my inspiration; artists, writers, cosplayers, lore enthusiasts. In the last couple of years, I approach my social media profiles like a personal blog of sorts, not focusing on the painting only. And I really enjoyed sharing different sides of my hobbies with you, writing mini essays with the game analysis, and discussing it all in comments in DMs.

I couldn't survive this year without your support, and I'm forever grateful. Every like, reshare, and comment brightens my day. Special thanks to the people who bought my prints, donated, or joined my Patreon - you literally saved me. The fact that I had to rely on social media as the main source of income for so long did some damage to the ways how I view my own art, sometimes I feel too sensitive about numbers and algorithms and start to view my art as a content that has to be popular - I'm slowly but surely try to go away from this and to reconnect with my art once again; I want my art to be even more personal and detached from the popular needs; I need to get weirder.

Sometimes it feels surreal that so many people are interested in me and what I do.

Hoping for gentler times in 2025. Thank you

[enden-k]

So what im hearing is that Saran probably had siblings at some point. Unborn or not- the wording of "Saran is their first child" and "firstborns that still lived, to die" is VERY specific, the only logical conclusion is that tere were supposed to be children born after that that, for some reason, didnt make it to birth/died soon after. Saran never mentions any, so he may have been too young to remember, or he may never have known at all

Also his dad never being able to shrug off the responsibility of being a priest. Makes me think its not only Saran that is an only child, due to the curse or not

Lots to think in that department

Also every priest particularly died. Its VERY clear that whatever blessing/curse they had going on is probably of fear/ghost thingie origin, some sort of higher being that was likely bound to the people in Saran's bloodline

Would explain their innate ability to see ghosts. And their knowledge, the knowledge that Azai aquires and forms amygdala with is also very specific, the whole thing with contracts and how to navigate them? He didnt find thay out. He might have refined the techniques but that bastard has not had a single original thought in his life

The real thing that stumps me is, why is it that Saran dying caused whatever curse/blessing this was to kill every other priest? Daddy dearest knew Saran was dead when he died, so it is something that would have been very clear to priests themselves/Saran's dad being THE important one

Something makes me think it really has to do with the fact that when he died, dear old Saran cane back as a higher evil, fears feed off of this nebulous energy thing that i cant remember fully now (I dont know if negative in general or outright fright) so maybe the priests were able to produce a higher quality/quantity of such energy? Really have gone on a limb probably, i gotta go check everything on contracts to read what clues im forgetting

Just my initial thoughts! First time i write these theories down, been nursing them for a while but they hadnt come up yet so this is very messy first organizing of it all

Thank you for making such fun lore to analyze!

-🦜

ohh youre actually on the right track tho!! some things are right, some are wrong but i wont point out what bc i will def babble and i rlllllly wanna reveal it all through the story (tempted to do the side story right NOOWWW i wanna explain i wanna show i aaaaaaaaaaaaaa)

this tho, safe to say that this is spot on

he first used saran for his ability to see and exorcise ghosts; saran always regarded it as a curse he didnt want to have while azai saw potential to help people (he didnt always have bad intentions) and later the potential to gain power and control since paranormal beings are festering the lands after all. he took it all but never knew how to properly control this kind of power and how dangerous it actually is, esp so when trying to tame and control a fear of greater evil. theyre all pure negative energy, there cant come anything good

anw thanks for the message!! i didnt expect you to actually go and theorize now akjscbjkas never feel forced or pressured to do that btw!!!!

[bestworstcase]

Thanks for your response ala Ruby & Yang, great stuff!

Idle aside, but do you have any thoughts on Yang's role as the sort of black sheep of the family by dint of Raven associations?

Cos like, Tai overtly favors Ruby, projects Raven onto Yang, resents Raven being rough up and is bad enough about reminders of her Yang feels she has to apologize for his negative reactions. Let alone his... Everything else.

Then there's Qrow who doesn't seem to interact with Yang over much at all and one of if not their most major interaction. Involves him straight up saying he thinks she's either a liar hurting people for fun or "crazy".

I recall someone I was chatting with wondering: Imagine doing everything you can to keep your family from breaking apart & being compared to the woman who left you when you were a baby?

Cos I do wonder how Yang feels about all that given she seems to downplay and or try to work around her family's issues when she can. Let alone what it says about the adults in the room.

smth i think about a lot is the way yang’s narrative about her childhood shifts between v2 to v5

’cause in v2 it’s: “it was tough. ruby was really torn up, my dad kind of shut down. it wasn’t long before i learned why…” all to provide context for this anecdote about putting ruby in a wagon and running away to find her mother. and then her conclusion is “my stubbornness should have gotten us killed that night.”

and while there is a degree here of yang framing the story to emphasize the point she wants blake to understand, it’s also very obvious in her delivery that the emotional reality of this memory for yang is “the time my stupidity and stubbornness almost got me and ruby eaten by grimm”—when she was [checks notes] like five, six years old, and regularly left at home unsupervised.

but in v5, it’s: “my mom left me. ruby’s mom left too. tai was always busy with school, and ruby couldn’t even talk yet; i had to pick up the pieces. i had to pick up the pieces. alone.”

aside from the telling slip (tai, not dad)—yang centers her own feelings and the harm this situation did to her this time. which is something she’s always felt but i don’t think she could have brought herself to say it out loud to anyone during the beacon arc, because it was pressed down under the guilt on display in burning the candle, the feeling of having been inadequate and too stubborn and too selfish and and and–

coughs quietly. “my stubbornness should have gotten us killed that night.” / “you were predictable. and… stubborn. and maybe a little boneheaded.” yang’s narrative about the wagon incident—which happened when she was five or six!—pinning the blame on the thing tai imagines to be her fatal flaw is…probably not coincidental. yang in v4 after a year of being loved by her team and supported by mentors like glynda / oobleck / port has the perspective to know that tai doesn’t know what he’s talking about; but as a small child who’d just had a terrifying near-death experience with her baby sister… 😶

it definitely had a big impact on the way yang sees herself

BUT i do read qrow's talk with yang in 3.8 pretty differently ->

because the context is: yang saw mercury attack her and struck back in self defense, then had like a dozen synthetic soldiers point guns in her face, then looked up and saw the replay footage of herself walking over to shoot a boy who was just kneeling on the ground. and some of the most powerful authority figures in the world are pushing this narrative that stress and adrenaline "clouded her judgment."

like this would make anyone doubt their sanity. bc holy shit.

yang, though...a couple weeks ago, yang after being knocked unconscious woke up and blearily saw someone she thought was her mother walk away from her and disappear in a flash of red light. she hasn't mentioned it to anyone, because it's just so bizarre—yang doesn't know about raven's semblance yet—she must have just been seeing things. right?

aside from raven (who isn't here) and yang (who believes she hallucinated), the only other person who knows that yang saw her mom on the train is qrow, because raven told him about it. he also knows that:

tai insisted on not telling yang ANYTHING about her mother, and qrow respected that up until now; so yang doesn't know about raven's semblance and can't make sense of what she saw.

salem's infiltrators are the same people who attacked amber, and qrow didn't get a good look at them because they seemingly vanished into thin air—pretty damn good chance that one of them has a semblance that manipulates what you see.

ozpin wants #2 kept secret, so yang has some very powerful people actively trying to convince her that she's crazy. ironwood is straight up gaslighting her.

qrow also—based on the first thing he says, which is "why'd you do it?"—seems to consider it a possibility that it is what it looked like but yang did have a good reason, and i actually do not think that is an outrageous thing for qrow specifically to think. because qrow was emotionally abused as a child, and he knows yang, and in the event that yang really did suddenly turn around and punch a guy who was kneeling on the ground, why would she do it?

glances at shay d. mann. well. maybe this kid has been harassing her? maybe he said something horrible or threatening to her and in the heat of the moment she just snapped? maybe "he attacked me, i saw him attack me" isn't really a lie per se, she's just scared that "he's been picking on me ever since he got here and he made a disgusting remark and i just couldn't take it anymore" won't be taken seriously? as in, he did attack her—verbally/emotionally.

it's probably worth asking, at least!

so, qrow leads with "why'd you do it?" in case there is some invisible reason justifying the apparent action. yang says "you know why." qrow goes okay, well, i only know what i saw, so you're either lying (i.e., yang had a reason she now isn't telling) or crazy (i.e., yang saw something different from reality that was very real to her).

she says "i'm not lying." qrow believes her: "crazy, got it."

at this point, he knows the most probable explanation is that one of salem's infiltrators fucked with her head. the inner circle's gaslighting doesn't sit right with him; he's not going to buck ozpin by telling her the truth outright, but he wants to make sure yang knows she isn't losing her mind. he also has all the info needed to guess that yang is actually really really scared that she might be crazy.

which is why he kicks off the wall and begins to pace around. the language he uses sounds dismissive, but his tone is mild and his body language implies "let's talk about it, let's figure this out."

leading to:

YANG: Who knows? Maybe I am. QROW: And here I thought your dark-haired friend was the emo one. YANG: I saw my mom. …I- I was in a lot of trouble, took a pretty hard hit. But when I came to, the person attacking me was gone, and I thought I saw… her. Her sword. Like the one in you and dad’s old picture. QROW: You’re not crazy, Yang. That was your mom, alright. Let me guess—she didn’t say a word, did she? YANG: How did you know that? QROW: I don't see my sister very often, but she does try to keep in touch... whenever it suits her. YANG: Wait—you mean you talk to her? That was real!? QROW: Yeah, she found me. Had a tip from my most recent assignment and wanted me to give you a message.

it's really telling that yang responds to him this way. 'cause we've seen how yang acts when she feels dismissed or belittled:

TAI: Well, "normal" is what you make of it. YANG: What is that supposed to mean? Do you want me to just pretend like nothing happened? I lost a part of me. A piece of me is gone. And it's never coming back. TAI: You're right. It's not coming back. But that doesn't have to stop you from becoming who you wanna be. You're Yang Xiao Long, my sunny little dragon. You can do whatever you put your mind to. So whenever you're ready to stop moping, and get back out there? I'll be there for you. YANG: I– I...

she freezes and shuts down! her teachers have to come to her rescue!—but when qrow goes "crazy, got it" and suggests she's being "emo," yang blurts out her big secret. i saw my mom. to me that suggests a level of trust and understanding that isn't there with tai: qrow says stuff like "okay, so you're crazy" and "here i thought your friend was the emo one" but what he means is "hey, i know something's really bugging you, tell me about it," and yang picks up what he's putting down.

it's akin to how ruby goes "did you miss me? DID YOU MISS ME??" and qrow's like "nope" and they both laugh. or the back-and-forth ribbing between him and the girls in 3.4. there's this layer of mild ironic meanness in the way qrow converses with his nieces that all of them are fluent in, and in this scene he's using that mode to signal that "crazy" is not off-limits, that it's okay to talk about openly.

crucially, there's a code-switch in the middle of the conversation: as soon as yang gets real and says "i saw my mom," qrow reflects that seriousness back to her. you're not crazy, that was your mom, she found me afterward and told me about it. it was real. you're okay. qrow's ability to do that—to shift into a more serious mode when irony isn't appropriate—is why yang can have this rapport with him that she doesn't have with tai, because tai isn't... being ironic when he says mean or dismissive things to her.

anyway, qrow passes on raven's terrible message and then kind of annotates it: "raven's got an interesting way of looking at the world that i don't particularly agree with, and she's dangerous." (which is a very diplomatic way of saying he thinks raven is full of shit. lol.) but then he connects this whole conversation about raven back to what happened after the match: "you're a tough egg, kiddo. don't let this tournament thing getcha down. you had a slip-up; sometimes bad things just happen."

implicitly: yang isn't crazy. what she saw on the train was real, a product of raven's personality and her semblance. sometimes bad things just happen. qrow believes that yang had the experience she says she did when she punched mercury. he doesn't know why she had that experience—yang doesn't either!—but he knows she isn't just "crazy." sometimes things that seem crazy are actually real.

remember what he tells the girls in 3.4? "you may be acting like huntresses, but you're not thinking like one." same thing here. he's telling yang, hey, you're not crazy, you know what you saw, but you don't know what or who caused you to see it. "you cut off the head of the king taijitu, but now the second head's calling the shots."

hint, hint.

it's subtler than the hints qrow drops for ruby in 3.12, but very much in the same vein, and yang is plenty smart enough to figure it out. she might... not have? in the couple of hours between this conversation and everything going to straight to hell, but if they'd had literally just one more day, just long enough for the wheels turning in yang's head to click together with what ruby heard from velvet about coco hallucinating during her and yatsu's 2v2 against emerald and mercury, she would've had it.

more... generally, i've never gotten the sense that qrow projects raven's flaws onto yang in the way that tai does; qrow is definitely a lot closer with ruby than yang, but i think that has less to do with favoritism on qrow's part than it does ruby thinking he's like the COOLEST uncle ever and wanting to use a scythe like he does.

'cause like, qrow isn't their parent, he doesn't live with them, he's not responsible for raising these kids like their dad is, so while he obviously did contribute to fucking them both up because: alcoholic, ultimately there just isn't the same degree of betrayal or emotional abandonment; he's not their dad. both times yang talks in detail about her childhood, it's "my mom left, ruby's mom left, tai wasn't really around, ruby couldn't even talk, i was alone"—she doesn't mention qrow. there isn't that deep hurt, that feeling that qrow is someone who left.

when he isn't drunk, yang seems to feel pretty okay around him, and qrow likewise treats her... honestly a lot better than tai does:

he stops by their dorm in v3 to hang out with both his nieces; yang is fully in sister mode—cheers for ruby to beat him until ruby loses, immediately shoves her out of the way like "my turn!! >:D"—and qrow ribs them both, takes ribbing from both of them in good humor, tells both of them "you two are gonna go far."

qrow nicknames to show affection; ruby is "pipsqueak," yang gets "firecracker."

we only see qrow's goodbye to ruby, but in 5.4 yang indicates that qrow came to talk to her before he left, too. she also has complete trust that he's keeping the promise he made to look after ruby.

yang, as noted, opens up to him about seeing her mom; she's also shocked that he's still in contact with raven and indignant that he didn't tell her sooner, but—unlike with tai—she doesn't seem surprised that qrow is willing to talk about raven in general.

which tracks with what tai says in 4.11: "despite asking him numerous times not to, i know qrow told you where you're mother's been at these days"—meaning, this was a point of contention between him and qrow. behind the scenes, while tai refused to discuss raven at all, qrow was going okay well, let me tell her then, she deserves to know. and then ultimately he just bit the bullet and told her behind tai's back. i wouldn't be surprised if it turned out qrow had been straight with yang that her dad wanted to be the one to tell her the important stuff, and he wanted to be respectful of that, but raven wasn't an off-limits topic.

general contrast between yang-tai and yang-qrow dynamics; for example both of them say almost verbatim "you've got a long way to go before you're ready for the real world" (3.4/4.4). from tai it's belittling, he's insulting her; from qrow, it's meant to encourage, it's "remember you're still new to this, you'll make mistakes, just keep learning, keep trying." (rwby does stuff like this all the time, refracting an idea in different directions to highlight contrasts between characters; ozpin's advice to ruby vs port's advice to weiss is another example.)

a lot of qrow's resentment toward raven is centered on her abandonment of yang: "did you know yang lost her arm? [...] rhetorical question, i know you know. it's just obnoxious that you'd bring up family and then carry on like your own daughter doesn't exist. [raven: "i saved her."] once. because that was your rule, right? real mom of the year material, sis." like he is PISSED on yang's behalf that raven won't even try.

my impression is that qrow—although a) often away on long missions in far away places and b) an alcoholic who sometimes got blind drunk and became a burden yang and ruby needed to take care of—when he did manage to be there, made a serious effort to connect with both of them. he ended up being closer to ruby bc she wanted to learn scythe-wielding, but i do think qrow would've trained yang too (or instead) if the girls had different combat interests.

and while his relationship with ruby has a mentorish aspect, i don't get the sense either of the girls see him as a parental figure: he wasn't part of their household, he traveled a lot, his alcoholism in combination with tai's neglect eroded the adult-child boundaries because they had to be responsible for him as often as the reverse. he's a friend who also happens to be related to them. and that's especially true for yang, because he wasn't her teacher.

(i know it's a... pretty common headcanon / fanon that qrow lived with them, but i really don't think that's supported by the text? whenever ruby or yang look back on their childhoods, the family unit is always them + tai, and qrow isolates himself out of fear that his semblance will injure those he cares about. plus ozpin sending him all over the place as the one member of team strq still active. it makes way more sense to think he lived alone, and visited when he had the chance. which is the main reason i'm WAY softer on him than on tai, 'cause qrow wasn't in a caretaker/parent role; at most he was an occasional babysitter. so while his incidents of turning up drunk on the doorstep contributed to the harm... it's like, it would absolutely have been better for them if qrow were sober, but that wouldn't have changed anything about their home life. they'd just have somewhat easier relationships with qrow.)

TO WRAP THIS BACK AROUND TO THE QUESTION, tai is unfairly judgmental and harsh with yang bc he projects his idea of her mom onto her; yang also has a better relationship with her mom's brother than she does with her dad. how do these two dynamics interact? how does yang feel about hearing from tai that she's too branwen, so to speak, while also getting along better with the branwen side of her family? how might that fuel her desire to find raven?

if her uncle treats her better than tai does, then... maybe her mom would too, if only yang could reach her?—obviously it's not rational, but like. i don't think five year old yang put her baby sister in a wagon and ran away to find her mom because she thought she would ask "why did you leave me?" and then get her answer and go home. as yang grew older and developed a more realistic perspective it shifted to "i just need to know why she left" and she projects that backward onto herself as a child, but at the time what she wanted, what she was looking for, was someone who would take care of them.

[sadlybeans]

My HCs about elven hair traditions - (not really) an essay

OK LISTEN. This has been in my mind for a LONG time as I go about writing my fic series, but I hadn’t written them down (which I should’ve), so I decided to just post them here. Who knows, maybe someone will find it interesting or whatever.

Hair when talking about elven culture has varying degrees of relevance depending on author and the like. Tolkien never outright states anything regarding this (to my admittedly limited knowledge), but seeing as elves are generally depicted with long hair, I chose to make it A Thing, even if it’s not often mentioned, and divided it according to each major elven culture present in Tolkien’s works. (Note: I didn’t add details regarding subcultures bc uh, I’m not nearly smart enough for that.

Without further ado, here it goes!… under the cut lol

Sinda:

The Sinda and Teleri have a lot of overlap since they are technically ‘the same’ and at the same time not. The Sinda are the ones with a more ‘lax’ culture when it comes to hair, in my opinion. Seeing as they prefer nature vastly and much of their lives are spent in nature, they prefer to wear their hair loose -which we observe plenty in LOTR and The Hobbit.

Between them, braids would be done in very simple styles and only if it is required to have their hair gathered for convenience, like for example hunting. Any sort of accesories would be natural, like flowers and wodden hairpins, etc.

When speaking about length, it is far more common for the sinda to wear their hair anywhere from beneath their shoulderblades to mid back, perhaps their waist at the longest. Shorter hair is not common, but not completely unheard of, and would carry little to no negative consequences depending on region and the like.

Sidenote regarding colour -even if it has no correlation with culture-: Most Sindar have dark hair, brown being the majority, and some few have pale blond and silver from their Teleri cousins. As for texture, most of them have straight hair.

Teleri:

As said above, they have similarities with the Sinda in certain parts. For example, there are no consequences regarding cutting. However, the Teleri don’t place importantance on it whatsoever. Plenty of them have shorter hair, or if long, wear it completely gathered both for the hotter weather of the shore, and for simple convenience.

Accessories are mainly pearls, seashells, some pieces of coral, and to a minimum, silver and gold. Pearls are almost exclusively a gift between couples or very close family— brides wear intricate accessories of pearls.

Most Teleri have silver hair or really pale blond. Like the Sinda, they tend to have straight hair, and some have wavy hair.

Vanyar:

The Vanyar are perhaps the ones who have the least concern when it comes to the keeping of their hair. While certainly all of them wear it long, these are unspoken rules that don’t have a strong foundation on why they do it.

Braiding is peculiar in their culture however because the Vanyar have a deeper gender segregation. There are particular styles worn only by men, and others only by women. In a way it can be useful, given many elves have androgynous appearances.

As for accessories, Vanyar don’t wear accessories between their hair, instead wearing elaborate pieces like headbands, crowns, veils, chains, etc.. These don’t have many distinctions between genders, social or marital statues.

All Vanyar have golden hair, with very few having pale blond hair. Most have it wavy or slightly curly, with very few having it straight.

Noldor:

Now this is my favourite part, since it’s the one I’ve worked more at depth.

Hair is very important to the Noldor, seen as a connection with their kin and family, and they are quite possibly the ones who wear it the longest, which in itself is a feat since elven hair grows much slower than human hair. Cutting it is a huge no beyond small trims to keep it manageable, and wearing it loose is severely looked down upon as it can be considered indecent. There are hundreds upon hundreds of acceptable braiding styles, although none are exclusive to gender or status, but naturally the more elaborate are kept for more formal occasions— even the simplest braided styles of a Noldor can sometimes seem overly formal and elaborate to anyone else.

Accessories are divided, although by marital status. Children and ummarried Noldor will wear ribbons, although they can pair them with pins and chains. Beads however are exclusively exchanged between married partners; they can be given in any special occasion such an anniversaries or simply just because, but only married Noldor wear them. Married Noldor may wear ribbons still but never by their own and always paired with their beads.

The vast majority of Noldor have straight black or brown hair, with some very few exceptions such as Finwë (curly hair), Míriel & Tyelkormo (silver), Mahtan, Nerdanel, Nelyafinwë & The Ambarussar (red).