#bc i do want to do orientation it’s just a lot rn. and i’m so tired

[beesorcery]

down bad. down horrendous. down unbelievable. down ungodly. down inexplicable. down unfathomable. down outrageous. down quite frankly institutional

[choicesmc]

Hi hi my love!! For the Pride Themed OC asks:

1 for Rin and Fiona - What's your oc's gender identity? What's their relationship to their gender?

6 for Jiahao and Rams - How does your oc feel about labels? Theirs, or in general?

21 bc I cannot resist a free ramble card!

(And 17 for you if you want to! - Do you share identity with any of your ocs? Which ones?)

💛💛🌻🌻

i tried to stay coherent ono the ramble but I lost it a little by the end, hope it's still understandable 😭 thank you for dropping by o/

questions from [this] ask game

1. What’s your OC’s gender identity? What’s their relationship to their gender?

I made a post [here] <- forever ago on this topic!! So I am very glad to revisit it <3 

Rin and Fiona are both cis. 

Neither of them conform to their general societal roles. 

On Rin’s side, she grew into masculinity. As a child, she’d never really preferred tomboy over girly-girl. If anything, she was a typical girl’s girl through and through: dresses, pinks, skirts etc. But as she grew older, Rin drifted away from all of that and found more comfort in masculine attire. Importantly, it was not part of her femininity. When she wears her binder and packer, it is explicitly to dress masculine and be seen as masc. Still, for Rin, none of this makes her any less of a woman. As masculine as she present, she still sees herself as a woman through and through. <- It’s really never occurred to her Not be a woman –she just is. 

Fiona, on the other side, has always felt constrained by what he was ‘allowed’ to do. His childhood is a lot of suffering under these expectations to be stoic, purely logical, and aggressive. And he wanted to wear the skirts and dresses and heels without being seen as less of a man. As a result, when Fiona wears typically feminine things, it’s not an expression of femininity for him. Wearing makeup and a cute skirt, for Fiona, feels no more feminine than wearing a bespoke three piece suit. It’s just another avenue for him to express his masculinity as a man. He's played around with different genders, testing them out before ultimately realizing he's cis.

6. How does your OC feel about labels? Theirs, or in general? 

Oh!! Love this one for Jiahao + Rams! 

Surprisingly, Jiahao is less concerned about labels than Rams is. The difference comes down to their experience finding one. 

When Jiahao started digging into her gender identity (<- i’m focusing on gender here cuz I’m still a little fuzzy on his sexual/romantic orientation rn), it took her forever to stumble on ‘bigender’. He went through so many labels that all kinda fit but weren’t right. Like, for a while, he called himself genderfluid which explained the feeling of multiple genders but not that he felt like a girl and boy simultaneously. <- At the time, it was just the best she knew. 

Because of that, her best experiences with her gender came from when she wasn’t trying to fit into a label –you know, just being herself without untangling all the complexities of anything. Being unlabeled was very much a source of joy while Jia was still figuring himself out and that extends till now! Right now, she’s very content with using bigender and very much loves it but she doesn’t have to. It’s given her a pretty broad view of labels which is helpful for explaining things but may not cover the entirety of a person’s understanding of their themselves. 

For Rams, xe found xeir label pretty quickly. Part of that is: xe jumped into research very deeply so xe was actively looking for information rather than Jia who was learning as she goes. Other part is: Rams is really sex averse. It really makes xim cringe, imagining ximself with someone else/having sex in general. <- It was easier for Rams to realize co was asexual because it’s so prominent for xim

On the other hand, Rams’ agenderness was a lot more subtle. Xe felt generally awkward with gendered terms but mistook it as social awkwardness rather than a symptom of, you know, not having a gender. So when co found out about agender, so many things just like clicked into place. Reframed in a way that really made sense, you know? 

Because of those two experiences, Rams really likes having labels for different experiences. Labels help cos personally contextualize all co’s experiences. Labels give everything a name and lets co know that, no, co ain’t alone –there are other people who go through the same thing co is! <- It’s comforting. 

17. Do you share identity with any of your ocs? Which ones?

Yep! Jiahao! We’re both boy-girl bigender babes <3 I have a different gender expression from her but same identity :D 

21 [Free Ramble Card] 

I will take this chance to ramble about: Gabe Ricci. <- my Gabe Ricci. Because I have Thoughts and I don’t talk about my MC’s LI’s very often 😭 

So, not sure if y’all know but my Gabe is trans. (<- im half-sure ive mentioned it before maybe) My dude’s a panda bear. I headcannon that he started on testosterone a little after getting his law degree, specifically around the time he became a public defender. Which was not The Best time for him. It wasn’t easy and probably contributed to his burnout.  

But hot damn, if his confidence didn’t drastically improve after a couple months on T! And it didn’t stop. The more Gabe’s body started to out look like his body the more his confidence grew. 

Timeskip after joining McGraw Byrne, Gabe picks up gym as a stress hobby. He’s so freaking strong for no good reason. The man’s a lawyer so why could he absolutely bench three times Fiona’s weight with ease??? (<- yes, Fiona does get princess carried from time to time) 

Best part? The man’s got fat! Look, my Gabe’s is forty. He is 40. His hair’s greying (<- though he dies it x:) And works a mostly desk job. He’s got the stomach rolls to prove it. And when he picks up gym??? You know what happens?? <- he gains some muscle!! He’s chub and muscle, it’s literally amazing?? And very much transition goals for Gabe. (<- know that he flexes in the mirror). It’s literally so great and– 

[aromantic-diaries]

i always felt like smth was different about myself and my sister knew too cause when I was a teen, she told me that it’s okay to to be like my friends and that I could be asexual. i was afraid of being anything other than what others expected everyone to be that I hid. believed my friends when they accused me of lying, so I was like oh maybe I haven’t found the right person. But as time went on, and my crushes weren’t crushes. Just me wanting to friends with them, i didn’t picture anything else but friendship. and I realize this bc i was asked by my college roommates if I could be bi bc i was being really nice, and giving my other roommates attention bc i thought she was really cool and being her friend was smth I wanted. And I remember getting offended bc i thought it was normal to find people cool and want to be close with them. And what I didn’t realize is I did exactly that with boys i met that I thought were cute. But thing is, thinking a boy was cute for me didn’t mean I wanted to be with them, or anything. It’s like they were just nice looking. but I didn’t understand then. and my feelings would often fade when I told them how I felt each time. I felt it was weird but yeah. And now that I know I’m aroace, and as I am now I’ve done quite a lot of research on the lgbtqia community, it’s like it makes a lot more sense. And why my crushes weren’t really crushes. i remember just wanting to be friends with them and when I talked with a friend I would tell her, i didn’t picture myself with them like that just found them cool, like my roommate. now the reason I’m bringing this all up is, everytime I see a anon ask and they talk about their experience on here or when you post and I relate to it, i feel like this is me. i always felt behind with my friends, and never understood why bfs and gfs were so important, but I was so in denial of myself that I felt the need to get a bf myself which I never did cause I would always find a reason not to, it’s like I would always choose people who I knew wouldn’t like me back like that. i wish I could go back and hug my younger self and tell her that she doesn’t have to be like everyone, that she doesn’t have to want those things either. not to force conformity on myself. i dealt with a lot of internalized homophobia but I was never homophobic to anyone. I realize later that even if I am aroace, that if I were to be in a relationship or queer platonic one, it didn’t matter who it was. so for awhile I was like maybe I should find a label, but after I realized that the umbrella term queer can represent me as I know how I feel, and no one else needs to understand but me. i do feel like bi-oriented aroace suits me but bc rn i have no interest in relationships at all, it makes me question all over again. almost like I’m loveless? Idk. I’m sorry i just felt like people would understand? Or that you would understand… that’s why I wrote here. I hope you have a good day!

Hi! I'm glad you've come far in your journey of self acceptance and that the things you see on my blog resonate with you! And yeah, sometimes it's difficult to understand the specifics of one's own orientation, but at the end of the day, labelling everything isn't mandatory. Plus you never really stop growing or learning about yourself which is all part of the queer experience. All that matters is that you're comfortable in your own skin and accept yourself as you are

[bryoria]

ok thoughts on the firefighting

I’m thinking of turning in a volunteer application at our local fire district but I have to call tomorrow and ask about what scheduling would look like only bc I can’t afford to go part time and lose my health insurance.

they’re hiring next year and I’m thinking about trying to volunteer this year and then land a position but idk. I’m also thinking about getting a hysterectomy this year and seeing if that solves my issues bc that’s the main thing keeping me from applying rn. I can’t afford to just be out of service randomly bc I have a flare up. My next appt for that is the first week of May so I’ll try and get an update on that.

I’ve wanted to be a firefighter before and I’ve volunteered in a far far less serious measure when I lived in farther north and this specifically would be more county oriented as opposed to city work, ideally forest.

I’ve thought about pursuing other similar paths but for a lot of them you get too close to law enforcement and this is fairly close but I just keep feeling more and more interested in it. I’m meant for hiking and such and it just feels like it could be a good fit.

it would also involve a lot of EMT work which I've thought about doing anyways, and I would be doing it here with the added bonus of having fire combating knowledge. I'm not easily disgusted by irl like. gore etc., which I do know for fact. and I’ve been working on strength lately so I think I’m gonna focus on that and endurance this year and apply next buuuut I wanna apply this year so bad…. partially bc one of my friends is doing it and he keeps encouraging me. but idk.

idk but since I started adderall last month it's like a switch has flipped 100% and I'm ready for my life to move forward. I'm looking at getting my GED this month?? maybe. and I've been looking at degrees that could get me into some sort of conservation efforts. I just feel like I have life to look forward to all of a sudden and I don't really care if I have a Career™️ but I refuse to continue to be at home depot for longer than I need for the insurance.

anyways potential timeline on various amounts of detail: nols wmc -> ged -> potential part time college student? -> hysterectomy. -> healing all winter -> go part time next spring and volunteer w this fire district -> bust my ass and get hired on

idk. blurbing thoughts.

[onlyswan]

hi sweetheART :)

your latest drabble is still occupying a significant amount of my brain space and i read it the second you posted it hehe

i just adore how detail oriented you are and how there are reoccurring themes throughout your drabbles - one of my personal favorites is when you mention oc‘s clothing! and i wanted to ask if you could maybe explain their style and fashion sense and how you maybe come up with it? (if you haven’t already) like do you have a pinterest board or do you come up with it on the spot? is their style similar or identical to yours bc you mentioned that you love fashion and thrifting like oc <3 i would just really love to hear you talk about it, i am so excited already while i am typing this!!

From what i‘ve gathered so far oc likes to wear crop tops and shorts around the house, they love mini skirts (same) and own cargo (and corduroy?)pants and they have an affinity for fabulous shoes (i guess a good mix of heeled shoes and sneakers?) sorry if i missed anything!!

anyways, i would love love love your opinions and answer to this topic and i really hope i am not bothering you with this long message or asking for too much, i know you are really busy right now xx

i hope you’re having a wonderful day❤️

HIIII BELOVED 🥰 you have no idea how much i’m absolutely geeking rn LOL thank you thank you for noticing the tiny little details. my writer heart is very happy with this information 🫶🏼

i do come up with oc’s outfits on the spot considering the weather, location, scenario and all that jazz :] we areeee kinda similar but still very different. oc’s fashion sense is more matured and experimental ? they like showing skin and is veryyy chic !! <3 🥺 outside they’re always wearing a skirt or a dress but if it’s a more chill day / they need or want to move a lot, they’d wear pants !! oc owns quite a lot of pants too but they’re almost all baggy (hence the cargo too) bcs tight fitting bottoms make them uncomfy (as you can tell) 😭 imagine jungkook’s style but minus the oversized shirts hehe. their closet is very colorful mainly bcs of the tops and dresses !! they just naturally don’t gravitate towards basics so a big chunk of oc’s mind just works hard to match specific pieces of clothing into outfits and have them memorized 🗯️ they love cute hair accessories!! and earrings!! and yesss ur right def have an affinity for fabulous shoes 🥺 those +++ boots!!! their one true love :P

AND PLS I LOOOOVE how you’ve observed these things and took note of them 🥲🫶🏼 and you’re not bothering me at all bcs i enjoy talking abt the in which couple and hearing you guys talk about them too more than anything 🥹 thank you for sending this ask you made my day !!! <333

edit: i got so carried i forgot to mention the sweetheART 😭 the cutest nickname i’ve ever gotten? ANON ILY

[wander-wren]

some early conlang thoughts bc i’ve decided you all might as well just see this live bc i want to talk about this story on this blog anyway

(the story is Other Lost Things and i’m working on reworking it from novel to web serial rn, it’s about six runaway criminals with magic reluctantly working together to outrun various governments and pasts on the open ocean.)

so the language i want to create is Skalian, which is spoken in Skalmere, a very harsh, battle-oriented country. the only named Skalian characters i have right now are Inari and Dyah Deoreas and Vana Skirasto.

that actually gives me a fair amount to start with. i might ignore deoreas (which i’ve wanted to change for a while, it was just a smushed-together bunch of words i no longer remember). but anyway.

inari is a japanese name, which i did not know when i plucked it off a fantasy names list four years ago so she is not japanese (technically she’s not any real-world ethnicity….but i did see her as a flavor of southeast asian even before she was named, so). BUT. i can take some inspo from japanese for sure.

skalmere (skahl-meer) is arbitrary and mightve come from a name generator, but it informed me choosing vana’s name, so i’m thinking keeping possible consonant/vowel combinations small and using a lot of harsher sounds. i can also use russian or german or other languages like that for inspo. i’m tempted to make it so that two vowels cant be next to each other but im not sure how much that will limit me. but also limits are probably good.

in which case….what to do about dyah? does y count as a vowel? does skalian even have a y….hm. much to think about. this is what i get for making arbitrary decisions at 15 and getting too attached to change them.

the only other decision i’ve come to so far is that i want to use the latin alphabet with no diacritics, and i also want to cut some letters out of it. so far, q, and possibly x, and if dyah didn’t have a y it would also be gone so hmmm. maybe i need to attempt to rename her. basically i want to make this as simple as possible bc i am the silly goose who wants to make an Entire Language and i don’t need that to be unnecessarily hard.

(now, if i get around to making a language for ach rhean, THAT would get to be complicated, bc ofc it would. but that’s a project for later me, or more likely never. i think ach rhean is what theyre all speaking all the time anyway so it’s not really going to come up in-story)

at any rate, i’m excited, bc skalian is the best conlang for me to create bc a) it’s simple and skalmere/skalian is good mouthfeel to me so it follows that the rest can easily be, and b) story-wise, most of the time is spent on the ocean, but the land time is mostly skalmere so far. and inari as a main is extremely attached to her home country in a way the others are not, so if anyone is going to be speaking another language it should be her.

[rin-and-jade]

thank u for answering my ask! I appreciate u. im going to share some of my experience if that’s okay!

It feels like my identity is constantly clashing, like they are fighting for dominance over each other. How I see myself and how I want others to see myself changes. Sometimes I find myself feeling and acting younger, and other times more mature. However, these different states feel like completely different people. Two main ones in particular I’ll give fake names bc anon. I typically define them as Zach being more mature, powerful, maybe angry and sexual and having this whole other aesthetic/likes dislikes/species and age than Ruffy. Ruffy coming off younger, soft and cutesy, also having his own separate aesthetic/likes dislikes/species. Sometimes I feel other ways that I’m not sure if I should attribute to ruffy and Zach or a different identity. They each want the body to look different ways as well.. Their appearances clashing. It leads to confusion about who I am and what I should be like and look like. If I try to use the name Zach if I’m not him, it won’t feel right until he comes back around and I guess takes “control.” It would also feel very wrong for zach to be called ruffy since they are so different. Like calling someone by the wrong name. I can’t force myself to be someone. Sometimes it’s hard to define which I am. I also have nonhuman identities and as a whole I id as non physically nonhuman otherkin/therian but I also wonder if the different nonhumans are similar to ruffy/Zach as in kinda like their own individuals bc it can feel like sometimes each have their own self t them but I’m unsure. Sometimes I also speak in a voice that sounds younger and another like a speech impediment (not on purpose) and people tell me in general my voice is very fluid and changes a lot. idk if that is just something that singlets get or what like why do I have something sounding like a speech impediment and also baby voice that comes and goes

BUT it’s so confusing bc I know singlets can have a lot of different aesthetics and parts of themselves. so I’m rlly not sure if it’s typical singlet behavior of me or if it could indicate something else and systems could relate to this? rn I currently feel a wave of feelings id moreso attribute to Zach or something wash over me.. strong feelings. but those are always there. and also I looked into p-did but I’m unsure how to tell if something is passive influence or full switches if u have any insight on that? and also yea I have dissociation trauma all of that just unsure about amnesia and have absolute no communication with anyone it seems (If anyone is there). I know u can’t dx me !! but idk this is why I asked the question earlier.. is any of this relatable as a system? or like do u have any thoughts/advice or something? I’m going to bring what I said here up to my therapist and see how it goes.. but I can’t help feeling like I’m faking/dramatizing normal behavior. also I’m not sure what “taking control” feels like.. to me if I am switching its more like non possessive switches where “oh now I’m (name) and I’m no longer (other name)” like I will feel like someone else .. is that what a switch can be like?

"is any of this relatable as a system?"

I'd say, yeah it is. No singlet has a huge shift from names to speech or even the gender and having species orientation.

"do u have any thoughts/advice or something?"

I don't have anything else except suggesting you to explore a bit more meanwhile, that won't hurt. Maybe you'll discover something else that can help you.

"is that what a switch can be like?"

What you described sounds close to a normal switch between other alters to become the fronter, but i am not entirely sure because you only provided little details. Non-possessive switch is more like a shift in yourself rather than actually a shift in identity, as in going to a different mood state or energy levels.

- j

[flfverse]

I love reading your worldbuilding posts! It’s so fun to have that extra context for the story. Your recent post about sub-circling got me thinking about the issues trans-oriented subs might run into trying to join something that is designated Strictly For Subs in such a deeply-rooted biological and cultural way. I guess I wanted to poke you for your thoughts on like, HOW ingrained in biology and instincts that kind of thing is, bc I think it’d be kinda fun to examine the particular nuances of that kind of inter- and intrapersonal conflict 🤔 It also got me wondering if there would be any anti-trans orientation movements who see that as like a predatory endangerment to sub spaces? I guess I’m just recreating terfs tho lmao. Er sorry if that’s too heavy or invasive of a topic? You can feel free not to answer that one 😵‍💫

Also not related, but it was such a treat seeing Aizawa in your recent chapter and I love how you write him! I was curious if you were ever thinking about writing an erasermic fic in this verse, since their relationship is so unique for your au! 💓

ahhhh thank you!! i usually dislike worldbuilding bc it feels so overwhelming, but i’m having fun with it here so far

i….actually had not thought about trans rights vs the sub-circle tho, THAT’S a thought. i will say chapter 8 of Free Falling will have a little bit about sub circles in it, and i did include a line where someone asks twice (trans switch, bio dom in this au) if he’s going to stay. twice declines, but the offer is there. HOWEVER, that is the league and not society at large, so in a less trans-accepting space it would probably be different.

i haven’t written about it directly (and probably won’t, tbh? at least, i have no plans to rn, never say never), but i DO imagine there are both run of the mill transphobes and a terf-adjacent group in this ‘verse. hm. like actual terfs they’d probably be very “submissive rights” but be so transphobic that it loops back around to oppression.

i’ve done a fair amount of waffling on how biologically ingrained stuff is, because on the one hand it’s fun if the answer is “very,” but on the other hand, i’m trans and i’m wary of bioessentialism.

so my current stance is that it’s not as biologically ingrained as subspace/domspace itself, but it’s still important for things like social development. think of it as a kid growing up isolated from their peer group for whatever reason. they’re probably going to have trouble connecting with people their own age, they might pick up some strange habits, they’ll likely have gaps in their knowledge like not knowing pop culture. but overall (assuming nothing else bad happened), they’ll be okay, physically and mentally. not to trivialize that experience as i’m sure it’s very difficult, but there’s nothing life-threatening about it. and like i mentioned, a sub circle takes some level of intention; it’s not something you can trip into or be forced into against your will like subspace.

that said, it is Very culturally important. not something enforced, but if you told someone you never had a circle as an adult they’d probably give you a “wtf” look. a lot of the importance comes from the defensive aspect and how dangerous it can be to break a circle up. they’re respected because not respecting them is a good way to get attacked.

so anyway all of this is very long-winded and a bit stream-of-consciousness, but in conclusion i don’t think most people would welcome a trans sub/switch into a circle. like women’s bathrooms, except there’s no cultural expectation of politeness/not rocking the boat (also since when are women’s bathrooms some super culturally important place….but i digress). i feel like a trans sub would also have a lot of internalized Feelings about it even if they were allowed to join bc of all the messaging about how a dom near a sub circle is the Worst Thing Ever.

…..and now i’m thinking that would be fun to write. hm. back burner.

but!! yes!!! very cool questions defo a lot of food for thought. and to answer your last question about erasermic—i definitely want to write about them in this au!! i don’t have any specific ideas at the moment but i do adore their relationship and i very much want to delve into it. since they’ve adopted hitoshi i could also explore what raising a teenager in this world looks like….very fun

[usmsgutterson]

Hello! Can I ask what working in a nursing home is like? Like the training & how hard it is,, it’s one of the careers I’m interested in doing :^) 👾

Hi, anon! I work as a long term care assistant (LTCA) which is a temporary position wherein I basically just kind of assist the continuing care assistants (CCAs) so I probably don't know as much as CCAs or like,, registered nurses who work in a similar environment to the one I'm in, but here's what I can tell you after exactly four weeks of working in a seniors/assisted living home.

I am operating off the assumption you might end up as an LTCA or a CCA and giving you what I know based on that.

all of it is below the cut because I rambled off at the mouth a little, and just a note: all of the stuff I talk about is based on my own experience so far. Everything you're reading is from my own unique perspective and I, in no way, am trying to represent the whole of people who work in nursing homes under any kind of a position be it my own or something like housekeeping/working as the RN. This is just my perspective and how I feel about my job and the environment in which I have worked for nearly a full month now. As I keep working my perspective may change but this is my perspective on everything as of March 8th, 2024.

The training, for me, was very simple almost?? I had five shifts that week and two days off, and three of those shifts were spent orientating.

Before the orientating though, I had to go through about nine hours of training through a program I'm not going to list bc I don't know if it's used very commonly anywhere outside of my specific organization and I simply do not want to check right now. I don't know how other orgs will do it but if you do get into working in this environment you may end up with orientating shifts + an online training program.

If you're stuck with something similar, just try to keep a level head about it and unless you only have like, two days to do it (I had close to a week) take your time with it.

Even then, where you can, take a breather, bc if you have eight hours of training to do it will get very boring very fast and you'll be staring at your laptop screen like "aughhhhhhhh what" within thirty minutes. I speak from experience with that.

BACK TO THE ORIENTATING THOUGH!! I had three full days of orientating + one four hour day wherein I signed paperwork and took a lil tour of the building before the three days of orientation.

Orientating is the fucking worst imo but that's just because, when you're working in a nursing home with zero prior experience, it's not a fucking cakewalk, and you have to learn a lot of shit while you're orientating and you're going to come home and cry because it's new and your feet hurt.

If you're anything like me, you'll genuinely debate quitting multiple times in your first orientating shifts but stick it out my friend. it's gonna get easier as the routine gets settled into your bones.

HOWEVER, a piece of advice I have is this: ask your orientater if they've previously worked on the floor you'll end up working on after you've finished orientating if you're going to be working on different floors from one another. If your situation ends up similar to mine (wherein you and your orientater are the only two LTCAs on one specific shift rotation of the two) then the answer will likely be yes, though I wouldn't say it's a guarantee.

If it's yes and you'll be working on 1st or 2nd primarily after orientation but are being trained/orientated on 3rd, ask them to train you on 1st and 2nd or to spend some time there so you can familiarize yourself with it a bit. It's something I wish I had done--I was trained mostly on 3rd and had gone to 2nd maybe once or twice in three days of orientating, but since the end of my orientation I've been working on 2nd. Had I asked to maybe see about training on 2nd I would've saved myself the week worth of shifts it took me to adjust to working on 2nd and thus I would've gotten the hang of things quicker.

in terms of how hard it is, the truth is that once you get past the learning curve of stuff, the routines settle into your system and mentally it kind of feels like taking a load off, but my first piece of advice is this: either before you get paid or with your first paycheck, invest in some compression socks and good quality shoes.

I did my first eight shifts with crappy thrifted nikes and my feet screamed bloody murder the entire time, so with my first paycheck I ordered a pair of hokas, which are pretty expensive depending on the shoe you get, but i refuse to wear any other pair of shoes I have to work. My hokas are my favorite pair of shoes i’ve ever owned bc they’re comfy and while the pain in my feet hasn’t diminished wearing the comfy shoes makes it easier to handle most days.

ALSO ON THAT NOTE: regardless of the position you're in at the nursing home, walking a lot and standing the majority of your day is almost a guarantee. I wear my fibit to work bc when I first started I was determined that I'd walk 300k steps by the time my contract was done. The contract just got extended bc they're still providing funding for my job, and since I started working I've taken 150k steps.

To put into perspective how long the hours can get: when you're an LTCA or a CCA, you work twelve hour days. At my job, I work seven shifts in two weeks. Six of them are twelves, one of them is an eight, but the math adds up and I work 80 hours in those two weeks. CCAs can get mandated to work certain shifts + days as far as I know, but LTCAs can't and don't get mandated to work nights or anything like that (continuing care assistants who might be reading this ramble can correct me if I'm wrong, I've heard my coworkers who are CCAs discussing mandates though lol) I've worked at my place of employment for four weeks and haven't encountered mandates or anything like that in my own scheduling lol

time to talk about how hard it can sometimes be mentally bc despite how easy stuff gets once you learn the rhythm and figure out your own place in the work ecosystem, it's not always gonna be sunshines and rainbows. Especially not in a place like a seniors assisted living home.

The twelve hour shifts can take a big toll on you, so just--be cautious! Know yourself well enough to know whether or not you can handle it decently and know when self care is necessary. Working back-to-back twelve hours fuckin sucks and bc that's likely how it'll be if you wind up in a seniors home, just do check ins whenever you have your break.

If you sit down to eat your lunch and think "three days of this bullshit but I'm halfway done til I have off days. I'm gonna watch my comfort media and eat the pint of ice cream in the freezer once I'm home" then go home at the end of your shift and do that. It might not be the most conventional form of self care necessarily, but after my bad shifts I always come home, cry for a bit and then watch either The Princess Bride, Saw, Shadow & Bone or one of the two Kingsman movies so I can't judge anyone who does what I do. Yesterday I had a shift that felt longer than half of the ones I do normally and I came home, took an edible, and then spent the next few hours high as a fuckin kite and had the time of my life. Self care looks different for everyone and just be mindful of when you need it.

Another thing to note: if you aren't really able to handle hearing about people dying, being moved to palliative care, or being diagnosed with cancer and other diseases, then working in a nursing home may not be to your speed. After almost a month, one of the things I've noticed by this point is that I'll hear about peoples deaths, people who've been moved to palliative care or have been diagnosed with something, casually and at least once every couple of days. It's a pretty commonplace thing to discuss, and I should also note that it's never EVER discussed lightly or maliciously--coworkers ask about things and stuff like that will just come up in conversation when residents are discussed as well, and I mostly just hear about it and then have to focus on something different bc hearing that stuff brought up so casually, even in that environment, is kind of jarring. I never hear that talk outside of work so it's taking a bit of getting used to.

I, again, am just an LTCA where I work and don't do everything that the CCAs do (like, for instance, changing residents, dressing or bathing them) but I'm going to tag this as needed and if a CCA sees this and wants to add their experiences, they can feel free to do so!

On a last note: nowhere you work is going to be drama free a hundred percent of the time, and you might just end up working with someone you dislike. At my work, there's really not much drama between coworkers (off the top of my head I can think of two instances, one from while I was first orientating and the other just from the shifts I worked this week) and that might be the case in loads of other places, but you might not be able to escape it and yes, it will always be annoying and make you feel like you're in high school again.

to touch on the working with people you dislike bit--that's not a guarantee but it's very likely. Let's just hope you don't go into working in a nursing home and then end up hating a coworker you see every single day because if you do, it'll fucking suck. I unfortunately strongly dislike someone I see every single day (sometimes for up to an hour!!) bc she's condescending in tone and also glance. She will look at me like I'm the dirt on the ground she blesses by walking upon it and talk to me like I'm three and don't know anything. I've cried four times in one shift bc of her and she is the reason I know it's safe to cry in the bathroom on 3rd and then act like you're fine and have people believe you when you say you are lol.

All in all, you'll love and hate it at the same time. There'll be shifts where you're like "I want to quit. what the fuck am I doing this job for when I hate it so much I want to quit working here and then never come again." but, as someone who's spent the last three weeks pulling through to see myself to the decent days, you'll make it past wanting to quit until the urge to quit comes up again, then you'll make it past the urge another five bazillion times before you stop wanting to quit, and by that point you'll probably either love your job wholly or be able to comfortably retire.

If I missed anything in my ramble, or if there's anything specific you want me to talk about more in depth, please feel free to reach out and I can make another post! I could genuinely probably talk about my job all the live long fuckin' day and if you want to know more I'll happily talk more about it lol.

[heavyhitterheaux]

hiiii i’m the anon that asked about pediatric nursing a few days ago. thank you for your response it’s very helpful! i’m in nursing school rn. another question, how is it working bedside? bc i’ve been hearing that a lot of people are leaving bedside due to stress and terrible ratios. i’ve always thought i’d be working bedside but now im not sure 😬

Hiii!

Truth be told, it honestly depends on where you work and the specialty. But all in all, just about everywhere is short staffed and management does not give two fucks.

I think that every single nurse should experience bedside. You learn so so much.

You will have lower ratios in places like the ICU of course because they are more sick. But if you do med surg? I have heard people having SEVEN patients, which is incredibly unsafe. I came from a place where I could have six and I was so unhappy all the time. Especially when you don't have a tech or a tech that doesn't help and if they have a difficult diagnosis and need a little more care. Nurses are fed up of being treated like shit, but bedside does have its advantages. It's easier to pick up shifts if you want more money. You can't do that with a regular 9 to 5.

But now being in pediatrics, my ratio is 1:4 and it's actually SAFE. If we have a critical patient, they get put 1 to 1 and your other patients get divided among other nurses to be safe. I have no regrets switching to a different specialty and do not let anyone try to tell you that you have to do med surg first because you don't. People I graduated with went straight to the NICU as a new grad. They have to put you on orientation anyway to teach you.

I hope this helps my love! Always feel free to ask me questions ☺️

[sungtaro]

hii eriiiii!!

I just wanted to drop in and ask how you were doing with everything?

My school term is starting up again and I didn't end up in my first choice :( but it's alright bc the unit im at rn seems cool the more that I think about it (tho its the total opposite, I wanted peds, but this one's geriatrics). It’s a rehab type of unit where they go after their general care so they can become more independent again,, I’m terrified (in a good way) but also rly excited bc it’s the final stretch!

Anyways hope everything’s going well on your end!

– ANONYNURSE ❤️‍🩹

hellaur my dear friend ! uwah i will b honest . i'm tired HAHA i feel like i've been trying to catch up on rest for weeks and it never really feels like i do. orientation takes a lot of energy in the ways you'd expect but also i think in ways i hadn't really thought about until i was in it. that said, it's going by quickly, and i'm just trying to learn as much as i can while i still have a preceptor to help me with everything! i still love the program and my unit and, of course, peds :) the work-life balance has just been a little tricky.

i'm sorry to hear you didn't get your top choice, but i think you're going to do amazing and make the most of it. plus, it sounds like it will be really rewarding to help care for people in that setting where you can really see how much progress they will make. and while i love working with kiddos, they don't always like us bc we can be scary to them, but i think your geris will probably like you a lot and make you feel really valued <3 i hope you get so much out of it and i wish you luck in this final stretch !! so exciting for you !!!

[moodywyrm]

yay squares!! do you have any ideas on what kind of stuff you want to make in the future? :o real!! sometimes i’ll buy some ribbon just bc it looks cool 😭

60 !!! jesus christ i could never!! it took me 4 months to finish one book 😭

exactly!! and i have no idea 😭 i just follow my gfs advice tbh, she’s a lot more experienced,, she got her first at 17 and now has a lot so i’m like. whatever u say babe

me too 😞 i hate the bright lights and the people but i normally put my airpods in and ignore everyone

a chill day!! that’s so nice omg <3 i would love to listen to audiobooks but if i get too focused on something else i’ll just tune it out :( and i hope yall like it!! it’s on my watchlist :o

my day was good!! i was able to wfh today and my gf was off so we spent the day together :) it was very nice and we’re planning our vacation rn! we’re going to try to go in the next couple weeks since i’ve saved up 9 PAID!! vacation days for this year! other than that it was chill, we just finished up with dinner and i’m going to watch a movie with binx while she’s at the gym <3

how’s your day?

- 🩷

squares!! once I get a handle on all the basic stitch types I think I wanna make little headphone sprouts? eventually the goal is to make sweaters (I really wanna make marceline's sweater from Adventure Time) and those like fairy tops that tie in the front? but for now we have squares <3 and no fr, I just like having pretty ribbon <3

that's so fair!! everyone reads at different paces and mine fluctuates a lot, but I read a lot bc of my major and audiobooks. I average in a year is usually like 50? im at 30 for this year so far <3

real, I haven't gotten a tattoo yet but I just listen to what my friends say bc most of them have tattoos! still sad though, I really wanted the snake on my arm before I graduated college :(

fuck bright lights! if grocery stores were just sensory hour all the time I would like it more :( but headphones are the real mvp of grocery shopping <3

it was a nice day!! audiobooks help me when one of my tasks is more visually oriented? so like stardew or crocheting, snd then I can listen to the audiobook and keep track of both! idk how that works but the dual input really works for me. I like it so far!! it's funky and visually stimulating, so im excited to keep watching <3

aww that's sweet!! im glad yall got a day together <3 nine days PAID!!! dude!! that's fucking epic, I hope yall have an incredible vacation <3 binx and a movie!! he's a filmbro but in the best way <3

yesterday was sweet, and today's been good so far!! i walked and played with the dogs, and I've been rotating between reading, cleaning, crocheting, and playing with them <3 I've also been planning all the shit I need to buy before I leave for college again, which means hopefully a few hauls from marshals n Costco over the next few weeks <3 and I've been staring at yarns on Marshalls, so I might get some supplies before I go back, just bc I don't have a craft store over there :(

how's your day been?

[sourstars]

hi hi!!

for the fanfic ask game: 6, 14, and 25 pretty please <3

omg we haven’t spoken in forever how are you??? i hope you’re well i see u on my dash more and it makes me giggle. these were so fun thank you <33

fanfic game!

6. do you have any kind of consistent writing schedule or just hoping for the best?

it totally depends on which piece I’m writing and how that dynamic effects my mental state as I’m writing it but rn, I’m writing a ex to lovers with a schedule since i’m reflecting on memories to get the realistic feel and that ales a lot outta me but then an arsonist! dabi hoping for the best like it’s a natonsal sport LOL

14. what’s your worst writing habit?

if i’ve got to research smth for plot based or detail oriented pieces, i research like my life depends on it because i’m also thirsty for the knowledge, which ends up complicating my original plan and draft bc knowing all that extra information makes me want to include too much of it (think like making herself spiral into a burnout even though you DO want to still write)

25. what’s your revision or editing process like?

a hot mess. i’ve got docs with comments all over it on myself saying “rephrase! rephrase!” like a parrot or an essay explaining to myself why i like this line or what it demonstrates in my story go even make sure i understood it right, but it’s kinda like how it use to write my school essays: i write the whole thing without editing (unless changing a word for synonyms) and then i go over it and flesh it out, taking my time to get a feel for which parts work and which ones don’t until i’ve got something i like (and then i edit and revise a million more times:’)) it’s a little messy though bc the doc looks trashed after LOLOL

[dolls-self-ships]

.

[ionlytalktodogs]

Having a really hard time rn so if you'd feel comfortable may I request some of the 2AM rambles I've come to know you for? Dunno if this is inappropriate or not

So sorry it’s been like 20 hours since you sent this ask 😭 I didn’t see it bc I was ✨on a date✨ which I’ll get to in a sec

First of all, and this goes to everyone ever, send me any ask you want to. Just send it. If I think it’s rude or inappropriate I’ll just delete it. Never be scared to send me an ask I’m very open to asks

Second, I’m sorry you’re having a hard time 💞 I hope things get better. It’s not 2am but I have to get up early tomorrow so here is my midnight ramble about the last couple days.

So if anyone is not up to date on my lore I move into college in less than a week, which is WILD btw literally never thought I’d even be accepted to a college and now I’m not only accepted to my dream school but I’m moving in in less than a week? Hot damn.

So like my school has orientation but they broke up all the freshmen into groups? That are called primers? God I hope no one from my school is reading this. Anyway in my primer group is me, this kid who has 20 3DS(es?) that they’re bring to school to just…hand out to people(????), and my crush who I’m gonna refer to as this little blue diamond emoji 💠 bc it makes me think of them.

💠 and I are doing that sort of Lesbian Flirting thing where you’re both obviously interested in each other but worried that the other one is just being nice and you don’t wanna fuck it up so you’re like nooo I can’t just say how I feel bc she might just be a super nice person! We’re both constantly like “you’re so attractive I’d make out with you right now but no homo” (we are both lesbians) and it’s. But then today we agreed to be Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy for Halloween? And there’s like…nothing gayer than that so? Idk.

We went to the mall together on a Date-That-Wasn’t-Actually-a-Date-Because-We’re-Both-Into-Each-Other-But-Don’t-Want-to-Say-it-Because-What-if-She’s-Just-Being-Nice and that was cool bc…idk…I worry a lot about how ppl view me as a wheelchair user. Like…idk! It’s just. Hard! But 💠 is also disabled and it was just cool to hang out with another disabled person. Very cool <3

We have been texting 24/7. Just texting our thoughts to each other, texting about comics we like, texting about the eternal emptiness we feel inside from having to be away from each other until we move in next week (yes we’re very melodramatic). We only live like an hour and a half away from each other so it’s not like it’s long distance by any means but we don’t have time to drive to each other before moving in bc packing and the like. Also…we literally move in in less than a week lmao it makes sense to just wait

My new wheelchair bag came today and she offered to embroider it for me and I’m like 😭 that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. I might be giving her Mercane, at least to borrow, bc she has arthritis and has been wanting to try a folding cane for a while but they’re kinda pricy

Anywayyy my friend and I made a disabilities club for the school which is wild bc we haven’t even moved in yet lol but it’s taken off a lil bit. Right now it’s only freshmen but after we move in I wanna try to have like…meet ups and stuff. Hopefully then more upperclassmen will join! Love being around disabled ppl.

Also my roommate is super cool. He dyed his hair green so we match ✌️😭 so cool. He’s giving me his old Monster High DS game 💕💞💖💗

Also my bestie and I are finally gonna get to hang out!!!! I wish we were in the same primer 😔 but it’s okay bc we’ll hang out after the orientation anyway.

I made 30 or so kandi bracelets with the name of our school and I’m just gonna…give ‘em out at orientation. Way overkill? Yes. A little weird? Indeed. Am I doing it anyway? Absolutely.

I’m also low key famous now for something kind of embarrassing but that’s a ramble for another time.

[asexual-society]

Hi I’ve been unsure of what to call this? I’m not sure if this is alloromantic or aromantic, and I’m really confused on just everything. If this makes you uncomfortable or you don’t want to reply feel free to delete. I’m just not sure who to talk to about this as all my close people are allo.

I’ve realized recently, after also realizing recently I’m ace, that my romantic experiences are different than my peers. I’m in my late 20’s and I’ve only felt genuine romantic attraction once in my life, and it’s with my current partner. Usually the feelings leave, I feel trapped in a relationship, I panic and then move on bc it makes me almost uncomfortable? But not with my partner rn.

I enjoy being with my partner and dating them and I’m in love! And it’s weird bc this is a first for me, but I think I may be on the aro spectrum? I’ve always wanted and dreamed of romance for myself but other than my partner, it would send me running and would cause me to feel feel sick, uncomfortable, and I’d try to find a way out. I’ve been looking at different identities and some fit, some don’t, I see that I have a lot of aromantic experiences that others share, but not one fits?

I’m always left stumped bc I’m not sure if I can call myself arospec if I’m in a relationship and enjoying it, even if it’s the only time and first time I’ve experienced actual romantic attraction. Past relationships or the thought of them seemed nice in theory, but in reality I’d have full on panic attacks sometimes to the point of getting sick. I notice I even still often get repulsed by pda, but fine with it with me and my partner. Seeing it in movies, irl, just makes me so uneasy I have to look away.

And it’s been like that ever since I can remember. I honestly rarely feel attraction and the first time I have is in my late 20’s so I’m just confused and honestly scared even tho I’m genuinely happy. Could I identify as aspec? Like is that something I can identify as even if I’m in a relationship rn? I’m just now learning of these terms now at my age and just didn’t know that was something I could identify as, or if I can. If there’s anything hurtful or offensive I’ve said I am sincerely sorry and that’s not my intention at all, please correct me if I’ve said anything ignorant or offensive.

Also I’m so sorry this was so long!!

Hey! Don't worry, this wasn't offensive at all you're okay. It certainly sounds like you could be on the aromantic spectrum if you've only experienced romantic attraction once by your late 20s.

A lot of the feelings of anxiety to do with romantic relationships are honestly really relatable, I'm aromantic and I completely feel like that about the idea of dating or being in a relationship, and seeing or hearing about PDA. I'm about to throw a whole bunch of labels at you now but you don't need to take any or all of this in right away, it can be a bit overwhelming, so take your time, there's no rush.

You could use the label greyromantic, which essentially means that you experience romantic attraction extremely rarely, which it sounds like is the case for you, or possibly lithromantic, if you find you sometimes have romantic feelings but they fade once you act on them. Thinking back to when you first fell for your current partner, would you say you were extremely emotionally close with them beforehand? If so you might be demiromantic, or if you feel like multiple labels fit, but not entirely or all the time you could try aroflux, where your romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum changes while still being on that spectrum. You could call yourself angled aroace if you are on both the aro and ace spectrums but still experience some attraction (in this case it would be to your partner).

You don't need to use a hyperspecific label if you don't want to, or can't find one that entirely fits, arospec or aspec are both good umbrella terms you might prefer, or even just aro (or aroace). If you feel comfortable using the label queer you are more than welcome to it too.

While I'm here, regardless of where you fall on the aro spectrum, from what you've said it definitely sounds like you're romance repulsed. This is common among aromantic people, but you don't have to be aro to be romance repulsed, and many aros aren't romance repulsed. You also don't have to be repulsed by every aspect of romance in order to use that label, if you're comfortable with it in certain situations, but repulsed to the point of panic attacks, or just feel uncomfortable seeing PDA or kissing on TV, that still counts.

I really hope this helps you, feel free to send another ask if you need :)

- mod key