#bc how dare people learn and grow

[owlf45]

Sometimes I think about that delulu commenter who purposefully left a dick comment on my Mei/Momo fic about how Mei is satan and the evilest character of the series and how she ruined everyone’s chances of being a credible hero at the Sports Festival and how Momo had no chance to succeed because she “only got 87 hero internship offers, which is clearly lacking”, and this commenter is so notorious for their bad opinions that several readers of mine instantly recognized their bad rhetoric

Anyway. I wonder just how delulu that guy is these days,,,

[adelheidvonschicksal]

Bakugou, Shinsou, Todoroki, and Villain Deku x Fem Quirkless Reader SFW and NSFW! S/O is Quirkless but she’s the most hardworking in Class 1A, training and studying twice as hard so she knows a lot of weaponry and fighting skills.Polite though cold, she mainly is alone due to growing up with nobody to love her, no friends, parents, nobody not even teachers or police were there all bc she was Quirkless though she was determined to be the first Quirkless hero no matter what.

Todoroki and you rarely cross paths at first. You’re both too focused on your own goals. Otherwise, you’re similar in that you’re generically polite to one another in passing but with little else to discuss. It makes sense to you that someone born with everything wouldn’t need to communicate with you who was born with nothing. You categorize him with everyone else who thinks it’s foolish for you to become a hero even if he never had the opportunity to say it out loud.

It isn’t until you first see him interact with Endeavor that your mind begins to change. You thought too hastily that the son of the number two hero, a boy with two quirks in one, a pretty face, tall, rich would have it all.

It wasn’t any of your business, but your mouth had already opened before you even realized it, calling out to him with some ridiculous lie that Mr. Aizawa needed him. When he asked why, you could only tell him that you thought he looked miserable.

You didn’t become friends after that. You don’t think anything really changed for the several weeks you were preoccupied with your own training.

This continues for a while until your parents visited the school after the entire Kamino Ward incident to remind you once again how lucky you should feel that your better classmates were with you, that you should be grateful they’re still entertaining your silly endeavors, and in your heart, you know they mean your existence.

When Todoroki came to your aid, saying you were one of the people he respects in class, in fact, he’s sure the most respectful person in your family, you don’t know what to say. When asked why he intervened, he simply said you looked miserable. You blinked at him. Once and twice then you laughed, dry and sore, but you laughed. For the first time in a long time. Then, you started crying. Also, for the first time in a long time.  

Over the years, you remained friends with him, developing into even more than that sometime after your hero careers developed. You still have difficulty showing emotions at times, and your family life never improved the way his family did, it’s still easier to be more vulnerable around someone who gets it.

You’re working on being more expressive, because it leads to more rewards, like the last time you got emotional and soft and well, romantic, and he kissed you.

Shouto adores that awkward bit about you though. He defends you from anyone who dares to say you don’t care about those you protect because your reactions around fans are subdued or that you’re stuck up because of your distant nature and formal language. He always mentions how sweet you are when someone asks why you’re dating.

He loves to see your normal, straight-faced expression melting into the soft, little blissed-out face you have whenever he sinks into you causing your nails to squeeze into his shoulders just a bit harder and your strong legs to tighten around his waist like you don’t want to let him go. It all leads to whines and moans he doesn’t think he’d ever hear otherwise.

The two of you get along well, learning new experiences together, and he wants to and makes you feel more love than you had growing up. You can rely on him to do what he says and to mean what he says since he’s straightforward and open in the way he carries himself.

You and Bakugo have been enemies since the day you met. As soon as he discovered you were quirkless, he made it clear that he thought you were a waste of space in the Hero Course especially since you remind him of a certain somebody.

However, you still keep that same arrogant face similar too Shouto’s—like you don’t care about anything, including what he has to say. It’s simply that you’ve heard rude and callous things from people before so hearing it again from someone new doesn’t bother you.

For you, Bakugo is everything that reminds you of the things you want to be. Strong, excellent quirk, high battle-IQ, even if his personality was as abrasive and loud as grating rusty nails over a chalkboard. You make it your goal to one day beat him in a fight to gauge your own abilities. And, secretly, maybe a part of you wants to be acknowledged by the “better” half of society.

Unfortunately, he never seems to want to entertain you, no matter how respectfully you ask for his time. So, you end up back to square one, trying your best to catch up with your classmates and failing to notice the way he watches your work ethics or cleverness.

Your final year of school you find you start to care less and less about what others in your class think about you. You successfully gather quite a few accomplishments, such as saving civilians, holding back villain groups, and working with hero agencies to stop several crime sprees during your final internships. It isn’t spectacular, but it’s enough to earn you a small reputation from other quirkless people, and a degree of respect from Bakugo, who also seemed to become more open minded over the years despite that temper still flaring frequently.

Thus, it seemed like you guys got paired together often. You guess people thought your calm demeanor worked well to stifle his temper while he could play bad cop when needed be, and his overwhelming strength made up for the things you lacked with only skill to rely on. Then, it didn’t become unnatural to grab something quick to eat or drink or walk back to the dorms together after a mission.

It all comes to a boil when you get hurt—protecting him of all people—and wind up on bed rest for a few days. You’d thought he’d be angry with you for getting in the way the next time he saw you, but he was angrier by the fact that you’re trying to force yourself back on the frontline before your injuries healed all the way.

You agree on the deal that he beats you in a fight, which you’re surprised he finally accepts.

It doesn’t come much of a surprise to you when he wins, but you are confused by the way he looks at you when he pins you down to the floor, asking yourself if you’re imaging the red tips of his ears nearly hidden in the yellow brush of unruly hair.

You’re definitely not imaging when he kisses you, or when after your tongues meet and your head feels dizzy that your hand unwittingly finds its way into his pants, with him returning the favor.

That day you learn that Bakugo is a lot more quiet and less combative with you when you’re lying on your side, staring into crimson eyes, and palming and stroking to raise to a finish neither of you knew you needed.

When he finishes first and relaxes beside you after your own end, you crack the tiniest smile as you ask him, “Does this mean I win?”

When you start dating a few weeks after, you can only suppose that you did.

You are aware of the quirkless factions that occasionally rise every few years demanding more respect and rights in society. While you agree with them on a fundamental level, being a hero means you can’t support any illegal ways the demand this.

You also thought your old classmate wouldn’t be leading one of the few villain groups that managed to make a name for themselves in the country. Midoriya was always a kind person, the only kind person to you seeing as you once shared a dream. Maybe that kindness is what led to him choosing the opposite side of society as you.

You worked hard, studied hard, made the right friends with the right technicians, and somehow made a small name for yourself as a hero despite your quirkless status. Deku did the same, but instead of a hero, he became a villain. The thought still breaks the small part of your heart that can be bothered to care about your past.

You think your biggest goal would be able to bring him to justice and try to restructure the plight for quirkless people the way you deem right, and maybe save him as a side effect. It’s harder said than done when going against a crime syndicate.

It doesn’t help your position as a hero when said villain is quirkless and often lets you go for old time’s sake. In all your familiarity with being an afterthought, you don’t put the pieces together with how obsessed he is with you, teetering between wanting to see you succeed where he couldn’t and wanting you to join his side.

This leads to a situation where he’s unsure if he’ll end up falling for you, or if he’ll end up corrupting you.

You notice how many people who get targeted by the quirkless villain are quirkless haters themselves, discriminatory companies against mutant-quirks, and well, sometimes, it’s even the very heroes and organizations that talk down on you and outcast you as a worthless or traitorous hero despite no proof of such.

After years of torment, hero society makes it easy for you to push the awful world to the back of your mind and let it melt away whenever you find yourself alone with him.

When it all first starts, you do feel a tinge of guilt. You’re supposed to be a hero but you’re in an increasingly complicated relationship with a villain you’re supposed to be hunting. But you’re slowly questioning why you should do your fellow heroes any favors especially when your palms steady against a chest broader and more sculpted than you remember and face familiar but more handsome than before.

The evidence is left on your body in the form of bite marks on your neck that speckled over your breasts before ending, only to restart against between your thighs.

It’s supposed to be the last time, but you suspect that’s a lie.

After all is said and done, the scale between your remaining loyal to your colleagues and switching sides tilts to Midoriya.

Shinso Hitoshi is your biggest yet silent supporter. He became your friend when he defended you from the other students who would bully you and talk behind your back as a quirkless person; in reality, they ran off when they saw him; he didn’t have to say a word.

He plans to enroll in the hero course and recommends that the two of you work together to achieve that dream, which leads to you dating very early into the school year.

You often spend time together, eating lunch on the rooftop, walking home together, and spending time in your dorms together. Many others mentioned how you’re an odd couple, never really seeing the two of you talk much. In reality, you’re both fond of each other’s presence and the quiet so it works. He is your first friend, your first boyfriend, and your first kiss.

After he starts adding more friends to his rother and joins the hero course, you start to worry that the only person you can say you care for in this life might drift away from you. However, none of that changes. He still trains with you and protects you, spending his time with you enough that even Aizawa mentions the normally stoic boy gets distracted when you’re around.

He thinks you’re so precious even with that plain faced look you always have; it gives him cuteness aggression really bad to all he wants to do is cup your cheeks and pinch at them like when he sees an extra cute kitten. He hasn’t given in yet but it’s only a matter of time.

Due to more programs opening up at hero agencies, you manage to get your foot in the door and become a support hero after graduation. It isn’t what you thought it’d be but helping people makes you excited all the same especially since you get to work with your boyfriend sometimes.

The two of you often celebrate a job well done after work, and it’s one of those happy, slightly tipsy times that he also becomes your first time.

[alatusprinz]

midnight endeavors. - wanderer x reader

genre : fluff

scenario : listening to wanderer's life history for the first time. ( reader is inspired from infp-ish personality bc i adore the idea of scara with a soft s/o)

the wanderer was used to a lot of things. in his painfully long existence, he’d seen things people would never dare dream of, walked through hell confidently with a bitter smirk plastered on his fair face. gritted his teeth through the painful betrayals from those most important to him only to realize it was never as he perceived the truth to be. and after everything, 

in the end- here he was. his indigo eyes looked a tad softer, clearer than you remembered as you finally finished listening to him explaining his past. you felt the amount of trust he had put in you, and wanted nothing more than to embrace him at this moment. yet, silent fear of disturbing him nagged at the back of your mind. to wait. wait for him to open himself more to you. wait until he is completely comfortable with your touch. 

otherwise, perhaps he’d break or scatter from your touch. especially with the forceful disinterested voice and masked blank expression he skillfully upheld in front of you. you could see through his facade, but decided to hold your tongue. one day. one day he’d be ready and you planned on waiting for that day no matter how long it takes. 

when he finished talking and finally glanced at you, however, you noticed his clear, calm violet eyes flash in an expression that resembled revelation.

he crossed his arms to mask his shock again, to keep his composure as he always did around everyone. 

“... why are you crying?” he tried, he swore he really tried not to sound judgmental and crude as he talks to everybody else. he remembers how your face fell subtly whenever he made a particularly harsh statement, how you’d try to explain his behavior to people who weren’t accustomed to him. the worst of it all, he sometimes didn’t know you were in a bad mood already and made it worse with his sharp tongue. no, wanderer never meant it towards you, ever. that’s why he was trying so hard, trying and learning this paradox of  “human emotion” he used to despise to the fullest.

you, on the other hand, only realized a stray tear had rolled down your cheek when he explicitly pointed it out. the mention of his young friend, the ashes and heart, the bittersweet tragedy of his tale as kabukimono, as kunikuzushi, as balladeer and now, as your wanderer. everything about him made you crave more, need more of him, want to love, and be loved in return. especially once you realized he was capable of love no matter how much he defied your suspicions. after all, there was no denying the warmth in his gaze sometimes, no lie in his featherlight touch when he sometimes absentmindedly caresses your cheek when he thinks you’re sleeping. he touches you so gently, like he didn’t believe his sight. like he wasn’t sure if you, or him in fact were real. maybe he had really fallen and faded away to nothing but ashes. maybe he never truly awoke again after his bitter defeat, falling from the sky-high seat of a god, only to be reduced to nothing but dust the moment he fell from that mechanical body. that’s why the true gods he used to hate so much have finally graced him with this hard-to-believe reality- a beautiful one, a meaning in life he found with you by his side. 

he was free now, he was determined in spending the rest of his time wandering the vast world to destinations that suit his liking. until he met yet another mortal he’d fallen hopelessly attached to. 

a joke, wasn’t it? wanderer was sure he had learnt from his past. even if it never meant that his mortal kins were unfaithful to him, he was still convinced that mortals just weren’t meant to exist alongside him. only this time, your loving gaze on him kept coaxing his true self out of his shell with no regards to his reluctance. no, in truth he didn’t want to grow this close to you. but he couldn’t deny you, the closer you came to the wanderer, the more he felt himself slipping away from the clutches of his old persona. he truly changed, thanks to you, a mere mortal- frail, emotional, soft spoken and sweet-toothed who cries at the tales of someone else. unbelievable. 

“i’m so sorry- i didn’t mean to, it was just-” you stumbled over your words, unsure how to explain how you felt about his past. the last thing you wanted was for him to get annoyed over your tears or somehow make him misunderstand that you’re making this about yourself. you really wanted to say how thankful you were to be trusted, how you would be there for when the nights seemed darker than usual, yet no coherent words left your mouth. amidst your panic and futile attempts at hiding your tear-stained face, you failed to notice his same violet eyes soften even more than before. so this was what it felt like to have someone by your side, to have someone… so endearing, crying over his pain as if it were your own. he did, in fact, have friends before, two of them even. but what he was feeling inside was nothing he’d ever imagined prior to your fated encounter.

the wanderer wasn’t sure if he could put a finger on his feelings for now. but he was sure he was gradually realizing why he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of you when you aren’t paying attention to him- even if this meant he would end up proving that he was just as human as you were. why he was infinitely entertained by your reactions to his teasing, and sometimes bickering. how he wasn’t entirely angered when you won the pesky quarrel with a witty remark. how he’d “accidentally” brush his hand against yours just to see your eyes widen and avoid his gaze like nothing happened. your body language never lied, that’s one thing he found amusing about you. 

speaking of amusement, he was truly puzzled the first time he got to know you. how were you so mellow? so mellow to the point you seemed like you'd shatter at the touch of his cold porcelain hands.

he wasn’t entirely sure why he felt this protective of you, perhaps even from yourself.  

and now, maybe he finally realized why having a precious fragile human like you cry over his past life story like it was your own brought this warm cozy sensation in his chest. he stayed quiet, silently gazing at you with his chin resting on his hand. 

“...are you done yet?” he felt himself cringe at his usual rough tone, he found it incredibly difficult to not sound like this. fortunately, you seemed to be slowly calming down. but not fast enough to his liking. 

that’s it.

with a deep sigh, he grabbed your wrist and pulled your figure towards his own in one swift motion. for such a slender body, he truly had incredible strength, you had to give him that. 

“what-” your eyes shot open, your sniffling dying down in one quick second from shock.

“humans, especially crybaby ones like you tend to find comfort in physical contact, correct? then so be it. find comfort in me.” rely on me, need me like i need you- he wanted to say but lacked the courage to. he truly had no other way he could word his feelings, but you saw the genuine concern hidden behind his ethereal lavender eyes. he’d never do this with anyone else, not even if the sun arose in the west and set in the east. you were both aware. his grand violet eyes still shone in high honor and pride, yet you felt his hand shiver ever so lightly around you. 

is he nervous? you bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from smiling. 

you stopped gawking at him, and allowed yourself to relax against his chest, burying your head in the space between his neck and shoulder. it was strange indeed- the amount of comfort you found in his embrace. his body wasn’t that warm, you imagined it might be cold to cuddle with him on winter nights. but you couldn’t care less, you wanted to spend eternity embraced by his hands. 

your dear wanderer. you snuggled closer in a protective manner, even going as far as to snake your arms around his thin waist. the wanderer’s brows furrowed slightly to your actions, a highly unnecessary and bothersome pink flush dusting his normally pale cheeks. damn you and your gentle touches, always making him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 

speaking of warm and fuzzy, you were too. he absentmindedly tightened his arms around you, just to feel your body push against his closer. letting out a small sigh of relief, wanderer stared up at the night sky. to think that he would be the one ended up comforted by an embrace, instead of his original intentions. as much as he refused to admit out loud, he truly could get used to this, relaxing and feeling the serenity of the eternal midnight with you wrapped up in his hands. 

neither of you spoke a word. he hugged you to calm you down from your crying, and it looked like he succeeded from the absence of your sniffling and sobbing. yet still, neither of you spoke a word, too busy tangled up in one another’s bodies.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

i love the pumpkin decor from anura and the skulls from silk cradle !! even though its not even close to halloween,,,(its always in my heart lmao) i was thinking about bishops (+narinder and/or labert, if your up for it) platonically with a child! black cat reader (who is kind of like in the spooky month skid and pump mindset LOL, but the town they grew up in, possibly outside the lands of the old faith, is very halloween-centered)

i hope this isnt too specific !!

Don't worry, Halloween's ALWAYS in my heart haha. I love those decorations too! And the ones from the blood moon ritual. Can't wait for that event again

.........

Heket

With pumpkin patches flourishing in her domain, it only makes sense for her to have celebrations and rituals surrounding the harvest season.

Yet she knows nothing of this "Halloween" you've rambled on about to her followers, nor why you became so excited upon discovering that Anura's environment reflects the autumn season.

That's because the town you're from is centered entirely around the holiday, with you living among ghouls, skeletons, demons, crows, and (of course) other black cats.

To you, every day is Halloween and you're loud and proud about it!

You introduced the idea of jack o'lanterns to Heket when she discovers you carving a pumpkin, sticking a candle inside after you gutted the entire crop, much to her confusion and annoyance.

"You there..why do you waste precious food?" She accuses, but you're completely oblivious to her anger.

"Where I come from, we always carve pumpkins! And we make cool things like this!" You show her your finished product: a Yellow Crown carved onto the face of the pumpkin. "I offer this to you, Lady Heket."

"I see, but...what am I to do with it?"

"You put it outside your home to ward off scary spirits! Like those who wanna wilt the crops!"

She had her doubts about these traditions of yours, but she grows to like this "jack of lantern" and puts it into effect almost immediately.

More followers join in, learning how to carve their own pumpkins and place them outside their homes.

It actually gives the incredibly superstitious and paranoid some comfort that they won't be haunted or plagued by negative spirits/energy.

Heket made a point to allow an overabundance of pumpkin patches during Halloween season so there's enough for both food and carving.

She also discovers people are willing to pay for the best-looking ones, so she allows the elders to run stands by the fields and make some coin.

Ofc, a good chunk of the profits go directly to her.

Shamura

Skull piles and skeletal decorations are commonplace in Silk Cradle, being trophies of wars and intimidating those who dared wander into their domain--grim reminders that it could be their own skull next.

You, however, find them nonthreatening as you've had similar decor back in your little town of Halloween (/ref).

Fake or not, you loved them all the same (plus the cobwebs, even though most are just part of the natural environment) and had to ask Shamura if Halloween was celebrated all year here, too.

Although their brain struggles to recollect things, they have books on holidays and their ancient origins..so they are aware it exists.

But it's not one they ever cared to implement.

Nevertheless, they permit you to decorate your home to your heart's content with whatever skulls and bundles of silk you found--as well as pumpkins shipped from Anura.

They're nicer to you bc you remind them of Narinder back in his youth, fascinated with the spooky and the taboo.

All the giant axe traps and toxic pits scattered throughout Silk Cradle never bothered you, as you've seen them back in the spooky dungeons of your hometown.

Usually the resident bugs would freak out any newcomer shelling in new traditions..but Shamura told them that you, specifically, are not to be harmed under any circumstance and that they allowed this.

You've actually befriended Hauras, sewing them a spidery Halloween cape for them in place of the gray rags they wore.

They wear it with pride to every sermon from there on, not caring who judges.

Kallamar

This bishop's paranoia is a force to be reckoned with.

Even if one hapless follower said the words "red crown" in any context, he'll strike them down for "preaching heresy". He's easily scared of the taboo and misfortune falling into his realm.

So Halloween is definitely the last thing he wants to hear about, especially with its association of black cats (who are in turn associated with bad luck and Narinder).

He keeps trying to shoo you away when you try explaining that's a common myth.

If he sees you using bones and skulls as decorations, he feels sick to his stomach and orders you to take them down.

Those can be used to forge weapons or intimidate potential dissenters! They're not yours to keep!!

Yet you never listen, oblivious to his demands as you try telling him they're harmless.

Would he ever punish you for disobeying with sickness or sacrifice?

No...or at least not at this stage in your life.

That would damage his already-fragile reputation as a leader even further.

But if you grew up into an elder and continued with these "twisted traditions", however, he'd punish you as retribution for the "torment" you've brought upon him.

He just wishes you'd follow his ways and his ways alone.

Fortunately for you, that retribution never comes as he's brought into Lamb's cult during your teen years...with you keeping the Halloween tradition alive and well.

And Kallamar has a more open mind now, although he's still easily spooked by the decor Lamb brings out during the Blood Moon Festival.

The first time he partakes in it, someone pranked him with a fake ear and it traumatized him so bad he cried and hid inside his shelter.

But you comforted him, forgoing the festivities and sharing your candy until he was okay.

You just show him how to carve a jack o'lantern for the remainder of the night, and he's in awe as it glows.

Every year since, Halloween becomes less and less scary for him--and it's all ironically thanks to you.

Leshy

As a young bishop, he's open to ideas for traditions, holidays, etc. for his followers to enjoy.

So when little kitty cat you hailing from a distant land of Halloween propose celebrating it...he's all for it!

The only problem is, well, his sight.

With the Green Crown, he can see the general forms of followers, his siblings, and most structures within Darkwood, but he wouldn't be able to see the tiny details that gave Halloween its magic.

But you explained how you could go for bigger and brighter things. Like jack o'lanterns (made of both pumpkins and turnips) and skulls of giant beasts!

He approves of it and lets you lead in decorating the village nearest to his temple.

Followers initially questioned why they had to listen to a child, of all folks, but they're grateful it's something genuinely fun.

From your town, you've also brought scented candles to really enhance everybody's spooky spirit.

Especially for your Lord Leshy, who finds the smells delightful.

The pumpkin spice ends up becoming his favorite.

You've got him completely fixated on this event.

Plus it's a good opportunity for chaos to reign: with followers pranking one other and scaring each other half to death, dressing up like ghouls and skeletons.

The Bonfire Ritual is one Leshy likes to conduct to boost both his strength and cult morale (he's gotta benefit from all of this somehow too, of course).

Lamb

Not only did Lamb's cult know about Halloween...but they also celebrated it with the Blood Moon Festival.

You fully participated in the ritual every year, rushing outside just in time to see the moon turn blood-red and the sky darken for several days.

The ghosts of deceased followers usually terrified the living, yet you greeted all of them with smiles, waving goodbye as Lamb exorcised them with their book.

Crows, cattle skeletons, and even demons flocked to the cult as well, having been residents of your hometown, too.

And the decorations?????

You were obsessed and jumping for joy, wanting to decorate your little shelter and help everybody else with theirs!

And of course you participated in the many activities going on, including bonfire rituals, apple bobbing, and passing out soul cakes (yep you had a recipe for that from your hometown, too).

One year, Webber showed up and was initially scared since everyone was just staring at them and the spiders scattered around their feet..

But you greeted them warmly, showing them around the cult grounds and what the festival was all about.

Lamb themselves is impressed.

You're only half the age of most of their followers, yet you're active and very responsible (although only if your tasks have anything to do with Halloween).

So as a gift, they bless you with a jack o'lantern necklace. Not only does it light up at night, but its magical properties allowed you to lift up any pumpkin no matter its size with ease!

You vow to carve the biggest jack o'lantern the Old Faith's ever seen.

[beanghostprincess]

I saw the strawhats chronic pain asks and had a moment of CROSS GUILD CHRONIC PAIN-

Crocodile is an amputee. Like. Canonically. Phantom pains.

Mihawk has HELLA light sensitivity vibes ((I Gift him,,,,, my migraines))

And Buggy? Oh my favorite little punching bag, I bet the spatial awareness necessary for his DF must he OFF THE CHARTS, not to mention bomb making, harmful chemicals, etc, I feel it in my bones that he has an autoimmune disorder of some kind and also migraines bc the highest flattery I can give is projection.

Ignore this if you wanna, t'was just a Thought, love your blog, Bean!!!!!! ♡♡♡♡♡♡

YAY CROSS GUILD ASK I AM IN SUCH A CROSS GUILD MOOD LATELY YESYESYESYES!!!!!!!! And I'm making this romantic because if I don't make cross guild gay I might die. Thank you.

Okay, so what I'm hearing here is that they keep their lights real low on their shared tent, and whenever they have meetings: At the start of their business relationship, they're still learning how to get used to being together. Buggy is used to stage lights but only for a while and he doesn't want these two to know another weak spot of him (also the pain around his whole body is killing him sometimes), so he tries to deal with the migraines and being uncomfortable because he knows that complaining will only lead to these two using him as a punching bag. But lucky for him, Mihawk does mention one day that he hates brightness (because edgy vampire can't say 'my head fucking hurts' like a functional human) and so he says something about candles. Buggy is afraid they might set the tent on fire but he prefers this over the headaches. Crocodile doesn't give a fuck about this, honestly. Then, they start growing closer and y'know, I'll just skip to them dating- They're dating. They share a tent there at Karai Bari. And now it's something to do instinctively? Like they just keep the lights low or light up some candles and they just live like that. Whenever they're on a ship they do this too.

Following what I just said, they're affectionate but like, in a weird way. Because, y'know, look at them. Buggy ends up crying and complaining about his headaches and also when his body won't stop hurting. He's a drama queen, of course, a diva. He lives flashily. Cries flashily, too. He always curls up beside Crocodile so the big big comfy man can provide him some comfort and warmth and pats on the head or something. Crocodile just runs his hook through his hair softly and lets him be annoying for a while until he falls asleep on top of him. If he has to do something he just??? Won't do it??? He's a pirate but he isn't a fucking monster. One day Mihawk catches them and they share that look of understanding that only cat owners understand, because God (Nika is the only one I believe in, something something amen) is watching and if you dare to move when a cat's in your lap, you go instantly to hell. On the other hand, when Buggy cries and Mihawk is the one around, he gives him some painkillers and turns off the lights completely to then read Buggy one of his books. He does this without saying a word and the first time this weird, silent sign of affection happens, Buggy is speechless. And also, yes, Mihawk can read in the dark perfectly well because he's a cat. He sees in the dark. I even think Buggy can see his gold eyes staring at him. They're like the headlights of a car. Oh, and Mihawk deals with his migraines in perfect silence but when it's a bad day he gets into a very irritable and irascible mood. Most people would be complaining about it but at least this way he's more talkative? Somehow? He's a bitch to Buggy for a while and then they just talk shit about other people together while Crocodile makes a comment like "If you're well enough to complain, you're well enough to continue worki-" and it's, like, the and only time Buggy instinctively throws a pillow at him to shut him up. Never again, though. Scary mafioso-looking boyfriend.

Now that we're talking about Crocodile, the phantom pains: They stress the fuck out of him. They're painful and uncomfortable and he wants to strangle somebody. On a good day, that somebody isn't Buggy. And on a bad day, Buggy really tries to be the sweetest fucking thing on earth by making everything comfortable for him and disappearing right away. Maybe he starts an argument with Mihawk for something stupid but they make up later, it's fine. But, you know what? Sometimes he needs comfort and somebody to distract him too, so one day (when Buggy is about to disappear for hours so he doesn't end up suffering the consequences of staying too long with him) he tells Buggy to stay. The clown is frightened, but he does what he's told and- And it's surprisingly sweet? Crocodile just tells him to talk to him. Explain something. Anything. Complain about the fucking weather or tell a joke. Anything. And Buggy is genuinely surprised but ends up either talking shit about people or telling him anecdotes or just reading him the paper. And Crocodile seems to like it??? A surprise for both, really, but the man actually likes having the clown around because it is working really well as a distraction and when Buggy is not being annoying Crocodile realizes why he loves him. He loves him when he's annoying too, though, he bullies him out of love. Sometimes he just tells Buggy to come sit on his lap and stay there and Crocodile is still in pain but somehow being with the clown makes him feel better. Mihawk tries to be comforting on these days too but it's more of a "you ought to rest, otherwise you'll be irritable all afternoon and you cannot keep frightening the subordinates" type of silent care than anything.

Also, I want to add Crocodile almost murdering a man one day because they were doing business with him on his ship and he had a lot of lights on (when he was asked not to) and both Mihawk and Buggy were visibly uncomfortable the second they entered the room. I love protective Crocodile. He looks like he'd just murder men without any remorse for talking shit about the other two. I like it.

[jaebeomsbitch]

Sleepless Nights (R.B.)

Summary: You'd been best friends with Robin since freshman year of high school. Now you're twenty five and those feelings of your heart racing near her are too much.

Pairing: Robin Buckley x Fem! reader (Genderless pronouns but only bc I'm non-binary)

Mid-twenties Robin and Reader

Warning: SMUT MINORS DNI, fingering

You’d been friends with Robin since your first day of high school. You’d clung onto each other after bonding over a button on her backpack. You both gushed over the show, arms entwined as you walked down the hallways laughing a little too loudly. 

You followed her around like a lost puppy when she introduced you to Steve. You’d heard of him of course but you’d always been a shy kid. So you took a step back, letting them bounce off each other but every so often Robin would look at you. She’d ask something to make you feel included, eyes wide and expecting. She’d cling onto every word, as you stutter at her undivided attention. Your heart racing, throat closing up as you feel your heartbeat climbing up it. The friend group grows more and more until you're just one big family. 

Now the two of were in your mid-twenties, still heading to Steve’s house for movie nights and parties. You spend the night making the rounds, your first stop was getting high with Eddie. It was the only way you could truly relax. You loved spending time with Eddie, it was always so easy. He had the ability to make you comfortable, he mostly just rambled as you nodded your head. Every so often you’d ask a question, his eyes widening. You were a good listener, actually you had become an expert. You were never much of a talker, always enjoying taking a step back and watching people speak without restraints. You liked the way their eyes shone and hands moved with passion. You told Eddie your secret, you’d both share smiles behind your friend’s backs. Giving each other reassuring touches when Robin or Steve said something accidentally hurtful. 

Your friendship with Robin was interesting. She was always breaking some sort of boundary with you, mostly touch. She had her hand on you one way or another almost as if it were involuntary. You learned to slow your breathing at the brush of her fingertips on your arm or the hand intertwined with yours as you walk. To almost everyone you looked like a couple with how much she clung onto you but that was just Robin, right? She hugged all her friends. Somewhere deep down you knew something was different between the two of you. She wasn’t pulling everyone in between her legs while she’s sitting on Steve’s kitchen counter nor was she laying her head on on anyone else’s shoulder during movie nights. Most importantly she wasn’t sharing her bed with anyone else.

It started when you moved in together, she said she couldn’t sleep when you were up watching a movie on your TV. This was the same as watching a movie on the couch right? You pulled back the sheets inviting her in, she lied like a stone next to you. When you turned to look at her you laughed. This was normal right? You were always touching and cuddling, she shouldn’t feel weird about it. She kept doing this every night until she basically converted her bedroom into an art studio. She moved all her clothes to your closet one day and you didn’t dare question it. Your friend’s joked that you two were a married couple but Robin would deny it. Her red streaked face burying into your shoulder as you punch Steve in the chest for making her embarrassed. 

You both grew accustomed to the warmth of each other’s bodies. You sought her out, feeling lost when her side of the bed was empty when she woke up in the middle of night for a glass of water. One weekend she decides to go visit her grandparents, saying they were getting old in age and she didn’t know how long they had. You couldn’t sleep during those three nights she’s gone, you turn the TV on watching an old movie, counting sheep, doing jumping jacks to no avail. Your body misses her even though you try to deny it but when she comes home you see her state. 

You notice the bags under her eyes when she comes back, your tired gaze on hers as you both silently nod at each other. You climb into bed, pulling her into you. Your chin hooking onto the top of her head as she breathes in the scent from your neck. You can’t help but sigh in content. This small moment makes you realize how much you need her. How you need her rambling and random fun facts. How you need her to insistently bug you and make stupid jokes. It’s a pivotal moment in realizing you feel so much more for her besides being friends. Friend’s hearts don’t race when she wears your sweater or when she sits on your lap. Friend’s breath’s don’t hitch when her nose presses against your neck or when her fingers run through your hair to lull you to sleep. 

“Fuck,” You mumble in your half sleep state. 

“Hmm?” Robin makes a noise in acknowledgement. 

“Robin?” You whisper, pushing away the feelings of fear. The feeling of desperation clawing at your throat, to say something to just get them out.

“Yeah?” She sighs into your neck. Her hot breath brushing against your sensitive skin. 

“Can I see your face?” You ask, heart racing in your throat, blood rushing through your ears. She can’t move her head with her tiredness but she lets you move her head back, cradling it in your hand. Her eyes still closed as she feels the thin veil of sleep come over her. She’s aware but starting to drift off. 

“I think I’m in love with you,” You whisper, maybe hoping she won’t hear. Her eyes slowly open, blinking as if she misheard you. 

“What?” She chuckles, eyebrows pinched together in confusion. As you look at her with her eye bags, hair a mess, mascara smudged you realize you are in love with her. 

“I don’t know how it happened but… I- I-,” You stutter unable to form words now that the reality is setting in. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid! You were about to ruin an almost ten year friendship over a crush. 

“I love you too,” She mumbles, yawning. 

“What? Why aren’t you freaking out? You’re always freaking out! Robin, I like you… Like want to make out with you and stuff–” you stop feeling embarrassed at your confession, feeling like a teenager again. Her eyes finally fully open, the sleep starting to dissipate. Your adrenaline is racing as you hold her. 

“Uh, I like you too and want to make out and stuff,” She teases, her hand coming up to caress your face. 

“Is this real? Am I asleep?” You whisper, suddenly freaking out this was all a lie. She scoots closer to you, your hand dropping from where you were holding her head as her face leans up to yours. You accidentally flinch at her proximity, hitting your forehead against hers. 

“Ow, definitely not a dream,” You say, cradling your forehead. Holy shit this wasn’t a dream, you drop your hand to look at her. Her face is adorned with a big dopey smile even as her head throbs. 

“You bring a whole new meaning to ‘love hurts’” she laughs, you can’t help but join her. 

“Shit, m’sorry,” You mumble, slowly approaching her face again until you’re a centimeter apart. Your eyes flicking to her blue ones as if asking permission. She gives you a small nod before you press your lips to hers.

The kiss is slow and sweet, you have all the time in the world to kiss her and hold her like this. You realize all you’ve been missing as you place kisses all over her face and neck. You like the way she gasps as you suck a hickey onto her delicate skin. Her fingernails digging into your shoulder as you hold her in place. Your fingers pumping in and out of her, her sleep shorts still at her ankles. 

“Fuck, so pretty,” You sigh, pulling back to look at her reactions. 

“Shit- d-don’t look at me like that,” She says, her eyes unwilling to let yours go just as you’ve commanded her. 

“Like what?” You ask, a wolfish grin on your face. She doesn’t reply, a high pitched moan leaving her throat. She wasn’t used to this confidence from you.

“Better get used to it, baby. Gonna be seeing this face all the time, especially like this,” You taunt with a promising tone. Once you’d seen your best friend like this there was no going back. You pump your fingers faster, reaching the familiar spongy part, as your thumb circles her clit. 

“Shit, you’re really swallowing up my fingers,” You gasp, feeling her walls start to flutter. 

“Fuu-ck, love you so much,” She moans. Her eyes roll back at the sensations, your tongue back on her neck as she spasms under you. She lets out a string of curses, her nails digging deeper into the meat of your shoulders. 

“Love you too,” You mumble into her skin. You lower yourself back onto the sheets, pulling her close as her legs continue to twitch. 

“So we’re like… together right?” You ask sheepishly. 

“M’yours,” She nods, cuddling back into your chest. 

“Okay,” You whisper as she falls asleep. Admiring all the freckles on her face. You thank god she put that stupid pin on her backpack freshman year. It was like you were meant to be this. Like the years of being friends and feeling like something was missing all lead to once again to her being in your arms. Maybe she planned this all along, maybe she just wanted to fall asleep in your arms. Maybe there was nothing more that you wanted than her here sharing your bed because there was a part of you that knew she wasn’t afraid to fall asleep in her own room but, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

[eahmybeloved]

idk if this makes sense but d/rrabella, especially with how it was done in epic winter, feels very forced,,,both with the ship and darings character as a whole

like, in dragon games, when daring realized he wasnt apples prince, he was genuienly distressed bc he didnt know what to do w his life afterwards, everyone was telling him he was her prince, so thats what he dedicated his life to

So, in epic winter, when the writers turn around and are like "whoops! nvm, ur rossabellas prince :)" which just,,,really? It couldve been SUCH an intresting world building opportunity if they kept darings destiny secret/ambigous, both to let people make their own theories and to give him room to grow

Like, we have characters who know what their destinies are and dislike/hate them (Raven and Briar to give an example), characters who know and actively want them (like apple and maddie), so having daring as a character who thought he knew and wanted it, only to be told otherwise? that wouldve been awesome !!! Darings self worth hinges on it, it wouldve been so intresting to see darings journey to figuring out who he is beyond that yk

and !! he still couldve gotten a destiny after that, after he acknowledged that hes more than his destiny and it isnt life or death to not have one (does that make sense ?? hopefully it does), like this may be bc ive been seein more dizzie content, but it wouldve been neat if daring was the future king of hearts

even if he wasnt, it could still go both ways, daring could learn that the destiny he thpught he had wasnt his at all and learn to grow and heal from that (bc it for sure wouldve affected him mentally) and then AFTER he gets his arc about that then he could learn what his destiny really is, or he doesnt, and both outcomes are ok

but now that thats out of the way, daring was also just very ooc during epic winter? like,,,sure, he can be arrogant at times, but he isnt that selfish? he dances with farrah so she can feel like the princesses she helps, keeps lizzies soft side a secret bc she wanted to protect her reputation, even at the cost of being publically humilated by sparrow, thats not something a selfidh person would do

but yeah, i might rb this later with more thoughts, but these are what i have rn

im open to discussion tho so feel free to add on n all that stuff :)) i made this account to better interact w eah tumblr after all

but yeah !!

[freddie-77-ao3]

random facts about random riordanverse characters from my characters doc:

percy jackson: thalia once dyed his hair neon green (which, he has black hair, so no clue how) and it lasted for two weeks before washing out entirely

thalia grace: actually very close to will solace. he treated her when she first woke up, and reminded her of jason. she's basically a big sister now. she threatened nico about him.

nico di angelo: got so nervous about asking will out he accidentally asked in chinese, before reverting to welsh, and then latin. finally, he stutters it out in a mix of greek, italian, and english (luckily will understands all three). unfortunately, will responds in sign language for some reason??? nico doesn't know sign language.

meg mccaffrey: meg has a horrendous obsession with gatorade. like. she won't drink water, it's gatorade or nothing. apollo is SO concerned because he doesn't know what gatorade is and also it looks VERY unnatural.

leo valdez: not only can he cook tacos, he knows how to make tamales. actually, while on the argo ii, he and percy made most of the food. this man can COOK.

will solace: has a habit of always carrying pens around with him (both as a way of keeping close to michael, who collected pens before his death, and just bc he's in the infirmary so much) and he clicks them ALL THE TIME as a fidget. people forcibly take them from him sometimes.

Annabeth Chase: she's autistic and so is her dad. part of why they have so much trouble having a good relationship with each other. they both have really black and white thinking styles.

Calypso: she's like 7 feet tall.

Magnus Chase: he really likes the chronicles of narnia series. when he was a kid, he dressed up like the lion for three halloweens in a row. his favorite is the lion the witch and the wardrobe.

Alex Fierro: felines are easier than canines in regards to shapeshifting.

Sadie Kane: she likes strawberry ribena the best

Carter Kane: he wants to grow his hair out. when he's in his twenties, he does. sadie helps him braid it.

Clarisse La Rue: after her mission in ttc, she's extremely claustrophobic.

Piper McLean: the reason she was so against feminine stuff in TLH is because she was so sexualized by the media when she was girly. so she openly rejected it.

Travis Stoll: makes oddly specific t-shirts about what happens at camp. like, “I defeated the greek personification of time this summer and all i got was this lousy tee shirt.”

Connor Stoll: isn't dyslexic. loves reading.

Katie Gardner: she drops out of college after her first semester. it just wasn't for her. she owns a flower shop called petal to the metal, where she says "have a punk rock day" to all her customers.

clovis: he doesn't actually need to sleep 24/7, he just doesn't want to interact with people.

Cecil Markowitz: a threesome baby. no, really. he's 25% his mum, 25% his dad, and 50% hermes. he-- he has a lot of questions and no answers, and that's probably for the better.

Lou Ellen Blackstone: she's black, and usually keeps her hair in braids. before alabaster torrington defected he did it (he's white, learned just for her), and after, beckendorf did her hair.

Zoe Nightshade: she's regenerating. she was a titaness, she'll be back.

Lee Fletcher: he dropped out of high school. it wasn't for him. got his GED and took college classes on the side til he died, but personally modern schooling wasn't really for him.

Rachel Dare: when she turns 21 and gains access to her trust fund, she immediately donates the entire thing.

Hazel Levesque: definitely the person who always has a cardigan/sweater for you to use if you get cold.

Frank Zhang: goes back and finds his grandmother after HoO

Jason Grace: jiper was comphet. he's gay.

Reyna: didn't actually join the hunt. i don't think that really is a natural character ending? she is ace though.

Grover: turns out pan passing his spirit on to grover actually made grover a god?? yeah grover didn't realise for //years//

juniper: fought in the battle of manhattan. she just brought a couple of her berries with her.

Chris Rodriguez: following going insane and becoming sane again, he develops anorexia to regain his sense of control over his life.

Drew Tanaka: she's actually aro-ace.

Malcolm Pace: in an effort to always be prepared he sleeps in jeans and street clothes, and always has a bag of supplies on him.

Ellis Wakefield: is from somalia. his first language is somali. he speaks somali, english, arabic, and greek.

Mitchell: went to military school for a bit. has a habit of calling people sir/ma'am after every sentence now.

michael yew: has the gift of prophecy, knew going into manhattan that he was going to die.

miranda gardiner: summer only camper, takes over counselor during the summer (katie doesn't want it. also she's vietnamese. i know thats two facts i just think it's important.

sherman yang: he has two dads. his mortal dad's name is jeff. sherman sees him like, one week every two months? jeff lives in seattle.

jake mason: he's got a fish named bubbles. he says it's because harley wanted to name it. he lies.

silena beauregard: summer only camper, she volunteers at a domestic abuse shelter during the year, and hopes to go into social work.

charles beckendorf: he was 16 when he died, but had finished HS work 2 years early. had been accepted to MIT. he wouldn't have gone, anyway, because of the expense, too far from camp, but-- it had been a nice dream

Nyssa Barrera: she's a year round camper, and always been mad that taking care of harley fell to her.

Lacy: physically disabled. she's got JRA, and is in a wheelchair part time.

Harley: really likes unsweetened cheerios.

[alice-ness]

*holding my hands out aggressively*

GIVE ME THE HEADCANONS

Please I am so content starved it is not even funny, I want the hight school headcanons PLEASE

I love all of them but it I had to chose for only a few I would say gimme Chip and Leaf please

Also I like that one fic u have with Logainne, and Chip, and Leaf, it's really awesome, I'm that one person who commented begging you to please continue the fic and not drop it

K that's it, hope u have a good day byeeeeee

:p

hi!!! tysm for asking here's highschool headcanons for chip and leaf! ((and sorry it took a while) 🙏🙏 ALSO im so glad u like the fic i will try to finish it but it might be a little while #busybee

in this au they all are in similar grades bc i thought abt trying to make it work in canon but it just doesn't rip

chip tolentino

- goes to highschool with marcy, leaf, and marigold

- yes he is incredibly tortured by seeing her all the time lol

- in his freshman year he had a random slump and kind of just did nothing and sulked around all the time (post child boy scout burnout/gifted kid burnout)

- like his grades were... whatever but he didn't talk to anyone and didn't do any extra curriculars

- his parents got tired of him being so suddenly lethargic-teenager so they made him join track

- he's actually really good at it, and eventually (not freshman year but eventually) he's semipopular in an awkward way where people know him but he doesn't TALK to all those people

- does really embarrassing dares with his track teammates. He's not necessarily pressured so much as he gets really into it in the moment LOL

- i put this in the fic but he ran into leaf at a club fair and they hang out now lol

- and leaf hangs out with logainne so he started hanging out with logainne

- and he has some classes with marcy and they were both in a school-rut so they bonded

- wasn't for a while that leaf naturally got the whole spelling bee group hanging out together but that was incredibly weird for chip ... bc... it's kind of weird in general

- especially hanging with barfee but they make up and they're homies (who play argue and play brawl)

- had to do a creative writing unit and discovered he's really good at that too but he's kinda embarrassed about it

- he likes like typical story writing and also nostalgic poems but he's even more embarrassed about that

- he and olive once made eye contact at a creative writing contest he went to without telling anyone and now she wards his secret

- one summer marcy got really into skateboarding and chip tried it out too to be supportive but he ate shit every. Single. time.

- chip learned to drive his junior year and really wanted a sports car but he got a shitty hand me down dad car

- one time marcy called him like "hey can you pick me up" nd he was like "from where" and she's like. "from san francisco?'

- bro how did u even get there

- he does it anyway tho

- they're like besties and they go on a lot of late night snack missions

- if they watch scary movies he will be screaming and crying and she'll be like "oh my god pay attention"

- has a crush on like every single girl he talks to

- sometimes they overlap with logainne's crushes and it's very awkward, especially bc he listens to her disaster lesbian rants at every sleepover

- he grows a really shitty puberty stache he's very proud of and EVERYONE (minus leaf who is unconditionally supportive) BEGS him to shave it

- his dad sits him down like Son. What are you doing.

- ramen and hotpockets diet (if he wanted to cook he'd be good at it tho)

- also this is just me projecting but he's filipino cuz i say so (and my word is law bc it's AAPI month /j)

- 5'5 forever... he constantly prays it'll change

- is really good at dioramas

- goes to school dances to complain in the corner the whole time about the music and the food

- could be misconstrued as mysterious but he's just awkward

- most indecisive person of all time and makes it everyone else's problem

leaf coneybear

- not ALL of his siblings made the switch to public school for high school but some did, including marigold (and pinecone who is older than them)

- it was a hard switch but it doesn't take long to find his crowd bc he's a naturally charismatic person

- his crowd is theater kids. he really loves improv and straight plays, he loves musicals too but he doesn't have great rhythm LOL

- he also LOVES helping make costumes, and in junior/senior year he's on the board

- still likes to make some of his own clothes

- was always tall for his age but had a growth spurt before freshman year and he's like. 6'1 LOL he's a stringbean

- sneaks both his cats and logainne into his school

- yes admin is tired but damn are his cats cute

- logainne is his best friend for literal life they are inseparable and will find any reason to hang out

- kind of an energy drink addict (they're not allowed in his house but he WILL drink too many anywhere else if u don't watch out and then crash and feel sick)

- (sidenote he HAS calmed down some but he can still be distractable and is still rlly high energy. Some days he takes to just completely slow down and veg out tho which is nice) (like pretty much he just won't stomp around and roar or whatever in the middle of sentences like in im not that smart 😭)

- on the complete opposite end of that he's also an organic fruit smoothie addict

- he also loves to bake and he's REALLY good at it but his younger siblings aren't allowed sugar so he will spontaneously get a bunch of ingredients and then show up at his friends' houses late at night to borrow their kitchen

- he tries to "spread the love" by doing this equally at all his friends places

- olive is his #1 baking buddy tho!

- also speaking of siblings he's the best older brother ever and he doesnt really like to be home but he'll spend time with his siblings

- .... his parents just keep havin babies

- anyway he's not as good at cooking bc it bores him so he'll get distracted and let things burn whoops

- tons of sleepovers at logainnes he's like a son to her dads

- gets a giant van to drive all his friends around in, it's decked out

- fixes holes in his friends clothes

- they all have a million friendship bracelets bc he just gets sappy and makes more or forgets he made one

- keeps everything ever given to him

- loves interactive science museums where u get to touch stuff more than ANYYYYTHIIIING. He will get lost in the dino bones

- and loves nature and hikes but mainly to look at bugs

- is the king of poster projects in class

- wasn't allowed to watch horror movies as a kid so logainne showed him some classic his freshman year and he literally couldn't sleep for a week but now he likes them, just mostly the campy stuff

- so stuff like little shop, rocky horror, r his the musicals bc it's cheesy campy horror AND theater!

- also first got social media like freshman/sophomore year and he just posts poorly taken pictures and occasionally answers his friends dms

- junior year on, a good amount of his theater peers develop like silly little crushes on him but he's completely oblivious and chip is just so jealous bc he gets no bitches

- he's the glue of the 25th annual kids bc he sort of just naturally started hanging out w them individually again and was like Oh shit why don't we all just hang out

- he is the only person marcy will cuddle

- (on that note he's the group teddy bear)

[hisui-dreamer]

could you possibly do some headcanons of some twst boys of your choice with a skinny reader?? if not its fine lol

his unconditional acceptance

Characters: Deuce, Azul, Epel, Silver

Synopsis: How does your lover treat you if you're insecure about being skinny?

Tags: reader is skinny, fluff, comfort, bot proofread

Word count: 936

Notes: Thanks for asking! I took this as a 'insecure about being skinny' sort of reader bc some of my friends are like that and I have more references hehe. Also gentle reminder that all body types are equally lovable and there's no need to change anything as long as you're comfortable! Variety in people exist and that's what makes people special <3

Part 2 ✧ Masterlist

Deuce finds it a bit confusing that you would be insecure

he thinks you’re absolutely perfect and he’s still surprised you like him!

but without a doubt, he’s very supportive of you

he values hard work and self-improvement, so he understands the struggles of insecurity and would want to help you overcome them in any way he can

he can be a bit blunt at times but it’s always laced with genuine care and concern for your well-being

provides reassurance and encouragement, and incredibly patient in helping you build self-confidence

constantly reminds you that you are valued and loved just the way you are

his lack of tact and slip-ups may sometimes unintentionally hurt your feelings

but he’s super quick to apologize and make amends, please don’t be upset!

invites to go jogging with him so you can exercise some, and automatically matches his pace with yours

 gets you water and towels the instant you need it

he tries super hard to support you in whatever way he can

is also super willing to beat anyone up who dares comment on something they shouldn’t have

Deuce’s cheeks are flushed as he tries to meet your gaze. "Remember that you are so much stronger than you think. You have overcome challenges before, and you have the resilience to overcome these insecurities too. I'll be here to cheer you on every step of the way." He smiles genuinely, fiddling with his hair.

Azul loves you for who you are beyond your physical appearance

as someone who has struggled with his own self-esteem and acceptance of his body, he’s more sensitive about body image and is surprisingly empathetic (for a scammy businessman) towards others who also face body-related challenges

he feels a bit self-conscious about his own appearance in comparison to you at first

but he strives to be supportive, understanding, and accepting of your body size

he knows firsthand how hurtful it can be to be judged or bullied for you appearance

he puts his silver tongue to use and showers you with compliments and gifts so often you won’t have time to doubt yourself

hugs you and whispers words of affection in your ears

he won’t stop until you accept them

this man is willing to go to great lengths to please you and make you happy

loves getting you snacks whenever you feel hungry

and indulges you on any food cravings

also sometimes sends the leech twins to check up on you to see if you’ve eaten

"Oh Angelfish," Azul says as he pulls you into a comforting hug."You are deserving of love and acceptance, regardless of your size or appearance. You are so much more than your physical body, and I admire you for who you are on the inside."

Epel empathises with you a lot

he is more understanding and supportive towards your insecurities

he knows firsthand how it feels to be dissatisfied with your own body

makes you so many apple treats so you can munch on them whenever you’re hungry

he tries to boost your confidence by offering words of encouragement and reassurance

he doesn’t like showing you his weak side, but sometimes he shares his own struggles and how he has learned to cope with them

he will rant to you a lot about vil

it’s a team effort of growing to be comfortable in your own skin

you learn together to focus on their strengths and accomplishments

the two of you set realistic goals for self-improvement on daily habits together

it’s a cute relationship where you both learn and grow

listens patiently and offers gentle words of affirmation

loves giving hugs, holding hands, or just gentle physical reassurance

he’s so happy that you can find comfort in him

also tries to eat most of his meals with you so he can make sure you’re eating properly

Epel clutches both of your hands, his eyes firmly on yours. "I know it's hard when ya wanna change things 'bout yourself, but remember, you're my sweetheart, and I love ya just the way ya are. I wouldn't change a thing about ya. You're special and unique, and that's what makes ya truly beautiful in my eyes!" he exclaims.

Silver's super supportive of anything you do

make efforts to reassure you and boost your self-esteem, showing kindness and empathy towards your concerns

always listens to you talk about your worries attentively no matter how trivial it is

offers words of encouragement and tries taking actions to help you

this man tries super hard to fight off his sleep for you

when he does eventually fall asleep, his first thoughts are you and how you’re faring

takes on a role of being a protector and supporter for you, always trying to make you feel safe and secure in their relationship

he is patient and understanding towards your insecurities given his serious and reserved demeanour

patient and understanding, never rushing or pressuring you to change or be someone you’re not

accepts your insecurities and helps working towards building your confidence at your own pace

he’s your knight after all, he would definitely go above and beyond to ensure your well-being, both physically and emotionally

becomes more assertive in addressing any negative influences or situations that could affect your self-esteem

Silver knelt to the ground, placing his lips on your hand. "I am here to support you, my love, through thick and thin. Your size or shape does not matter to me, for it is your heart and soul that have captured mine," he promises as he looks up at you, his eyes full of love.

if you liked this post, don't forget to reblog!

Part 2 ✧ Masterlist

[caramelstarlight]

Hi! I really like your works, I’ve just been too shy to send in anything. If your taking prayers right now, maybe a Tighnari x reader, where reader is Alhaitham’s sibling and can be described as the Akademiya’s “crazy lady” always coming up with insane/crazy theories and projects, will rant about topics that even leave the Sages scratching their heads, but still highly respected. People are really surprised when they learn that Tighnari and the reader are dating and Alhaitham's sibling. (sorry if it's a lot) I understand if your busy and not taking prayers at this time.

✅ /⭐️ Yeahh bestie I gotchu. Prayer is accepted!!

(Points to you for being a person who didn’t use anonymous xd! They can be so rare sometimes.)

Gonna make us Rtarawhist or whatever. Ngl I’m kinda in genshin as a character. Aka Layla. I used to have a mini Cryo vision and I like swords the best. My name is similar spelling to layla but has the same way of pronunciation.

Illuminating the Flora

(F reader/lil sis of Alhaitham x Tighnari)

(Characters: Tighnari, F Y/N, Alhaitham, Layla, Cyno, Nilou, Collei) (Hydro vision, Sword) (Healer / Attacker)

Sypnosis:Female reader who loves coming up with Theories that are beyond understandable to anyone else beside them(Al-Haitham excluded prob????) meets her partner. Fluff with fighting(Extroverted reader, they would be rambling on about their theories so they’d be social-?)

Story under cut! (Slight angst bc of fighting???) (Can be read as G/N if you ignore the Al Haitham calling you his sister.) (Keeping this in mind that it’s Rtawahist)

“Heyy Layla!” You said as you waved to her excitedly. Going towards the sleep-deprived woman. Holding a few pieces of paper as she saw you while near the fountain. (The one in her hangout where you meet!) She’d wave silently interested in what’s you come up with today. She and her other half found it interesting of what your brain could think of so quickly. It may not make a lot of sense to them but they see how happy you are so they don’t dare to ruin it.

“What’s you come up with this time Y/N?” She’s ask yawning in between her sentences. Having another all-nighter… placing herself on the fountains edge. Being careful to not get herself wet. You mimicked what she did before explaining what you had come up with.

“you see, if the stars and planets are made of dust, shouldn’t water in the space make them grow or dissolve? Especially the sun! It’s blazing hot! It’s worse than traveling to the desert sometimes.” You’d question yourself trying to come up with an answer as she laughed quietly. “I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t grow or dissolve. I don’t think they’d really be affected by the water.” A few talks with Layla seemed to help you with your theories and projects that you could do. Wondering if others could agree with your theories. You may be young but your mind is always head of your years. Same goes for Al-Haitham. maybe it runs in the family…

“I’ll be off Layla! Thanks for helping me sort my thoughts out.” You’d say. Waving goodbye as she went to her class. Your next class is about Zodiacs. What makes people them in a sort of way, it is believed that your birth month changes you slowly but helpful in the process.

Seeing him in the class brought you great joy. He was always early to his classes and you happen to share two classes. You took your seat as your gaze lingered on him for a bit of time. Before you turned your head away and back to the front. (Zodiacs and about plants like the Nilotpala lotus, such as why they only bloom at night or time sensitive ones.)

—After class— (idk what they learned ;-;)

“Tighnari!” You’d say as you catched up to him leaving the classroom. He stared at you with a smile before turning his head back towards his neutral view. You two turned into a different area. Seemingly no one was nearby. So they shouldn’t hear the conversations. (Someone’s gonna hear and it’s gonna be like Alhaitham)

He’d hold you gently, taking in your scent from your hair for a few moments as he wrapped his tail around you. “I heard you came up with another theory. I’d be keen on hearing it sometime before you forget it.” He’d joke, knowing you’d move from it quickly.

“Maybe later…? I just want to relax with the free-time we have today.” You’d tell him. Enjoying his warmth and presence. He lowered his ears and gazed at you lovingly. Silently telling you that he also wanted to do so. He gave you a little peck on the cheek as focused on you. Looking at what you had chosen to wear today.

A similar outfit to Layla but more adorned with jewels symbolizing wishes and more based on daylight. You always wore a different outfit with a new combo. It was refreshing to you and fun, it didn’t cost much as you had your brother getting what you wanted. (Dw you don’t buy much-)

You enjoyed the time silently as Tighnaris ears perked. Alerting the both of you, as he lowered an raised them. Hearing someone coming. But it was too late till they saw you both. It was your big brother, the scribe.

You both quickly departed from one another. Both blushing brightly as he looked with a slightly amused expression. “Al- al Haitham-?!” Tighnari stuttered, hoping he would keep a secret for him. You’d look away and towards a wall in embarrassment.

“You never told me you were dating. But I suppose my little sister always keeps her secrets hidden.” Al-Haitham said as he turned you around to not face the wall. “H-hey! I have my own life too y’know! You don’t need to be a know-it-all about me just because I’m your little sister!” You’d retaliate back to him. Not thinking about your choice of words. Whisper-shouting to him as Tighnari malfunctioned.

“Your siblings?!” He’d whisper shout at the both of you as you and him nodded. Realizing not many knew you were related and just thought you had the same last name but different families. (Like so many ppl can have the last name Takahashi bro- I have seen so many ppl with it)

“Oh you didn’t know-? I thought you did-?!” You’d say back at Tighnari. Hoping the whisper shouts wouldn’t gather your friends or strangers.

“No I didn’t!” He’d say as Tighnari held one of your hands. “Realizing it now I should’ve known sooner… same last name and age.” He’d sigh, lowering his ears and tail in dissapointment.

“Hey it’s okay! Not many people know…”’your state trying to cheer him up as Al-Haitham talked to him about being your boyfriend. He had trust in him that he would take care of you. Walking away from the area and onto the outside / entrance / threshold of the akademiya.

(After announcing your relationship with Tighnari and being siblings with Al-Haitham.)

People were gasping. It’s as if they struggled to breathe oxygen. Leaving many shocked and puzzled. None knew about your lover and brother.

Turns out Tighnari needed a few materials from the desert. So you went with him. Unknowingly, the news about your status of being Al-Haitham sister spreaded quicker than the reaction, a target now plagued into your back unknowingly. Tighnari flicked his ears, getting cautious as the fur on his tail bristled.

You noticed this quickly. He grabbed you suddenly, dragging you away from what seemed to be eremites. Dodging their arrows as you both hid behind some tall rocks. He’d shush you quickly as he heard them going closer. Grabbing your hand again. Leaving before they went to your spot. Using your hydro vision to make the sand wet in a different direction. The eremites followed it. You both successfully left.

or do you thought. Eremites came up from behind as they happened to have backup. Your eyes widened as Tighnari went in front of you. Getting stabbed into his stomach. Shielding you from the hit.

You’d shout at the eremites seeing what they did. Healing Tighnari quickly as he got up. Using his mine to confuse the eremites. You used it as a chance to bloom as he used his three quick charged shots. Healing him with your skill. Dodging attacks as they swung at you, hitting your arm as you got knocked to the ground. Dodging more attacks while kicking them away and up onto your feet using your burst while Tighnari used his. (For context, you summon stars to follow you and heal everyone while having increased crit dmg,rate,atk and healing. The stats have a big first impact like Kiraras but has a decent amount of damage after its first few hits. Skill is you harnessing hydro power like Candace and dealing healing/dmg.)

“There’s still more?!” You’d state as more kept coming towards the both of you. Keeping your health from hits up high. (Tighnaris still wounded, it’s not like in genshin where they get injuries and nothing happens beside hp bar.) A flash of lightning appeared with a wave. It was cyno and Nilou?!

“I was looking for these eremites.” Cyno stated as he charged forward. “I saw you both fighting and went to go get cyno!” Nilou said worriedly as she helped with the fight. Eventually the waves of eremites ended quickly. Seeing cyno was always a bad sight for those against him.

“Thank you cyno and nilou!” You’d say as you looked at them for a few moments hearing them speak as you tended to Tighnaris wounds carefully. Using your hydro power to heal him.

“You’re welcome Tighnari and Y/N.” They’d both stated as you checked on everyone’s injuries. They left as you took Tighnari back to Gandharva Ville.

“Heyy! Collei!” You’d say as you saw collei coming closer to the two of you. Worrying about the both of you as you headed with Tighnari to get himself patched up. When he woke up collei left you both alone with one another.

“I’m sorry narii! It’s my fault you got injuries if I just never announced it with you and kept it a secret for a little longer-MMH?!” You’d state as he kissed you. Preventing you from bad-mouthing yourself. He held you close as you stared at his blood-stained jacket on the side. Wrapping his tail around you comforting you efficiently.

“You did great. Don’t be a worrywart for me?”He’d ask you, looking at you with slight puppy eyes and adoration. His voice was soothing as you both sat in comfortable silence. You eventually fell asleep.

(ENDING 1)

He gently Carried you to the bed. Making sure to not wake you up as he gazed at you when he settled you down and went next to you. Wrapping his tail against you again as he put his chin above your head. Using his arms to bring you closer to him. You leaned into his touch and into his chest. He gazed at you and played with your hair for a few moments before falling asleep.

(ENDING 2)

He gazed at you sleeping in his arms. Staying in the hug position as he grabbed a nearby book and read it. Preparing and studying for tests. Knowing you’ll need his help later on with preparation. He gathered a few bits of info and left it on the side. Putting you on the couch as he left to go do work with collei before returning shortly.

(Kinda glad how this turned out ngl! This was fun imo as I like being super imaginative about certain things.)

(Hope you enjoyed!!)

[neverchecking]

I offer some cute (and platonic) Wind content:

Obviously since he's a kid, Wind cant do what the other members of the chain do when it comes to spending time with Reader. Its unlikely that he even knows what goes on behind closed doors or secluded areas.

But he still wants Reader's attention so how does he do it? Simple. Sneak by and steal them away while everyone else is competing for their romantic affections.

In a cold area and the adults are fighting over who gets to snuggle with Reader near the fire place? Wind's challenging Reader to a snowball fight or sledding race.

Just arrived at an inn and theres debate on who Reader rooms with? Wind's getting them to catch fireflies in any empty bottles they have.

After all, Reader is probably one of the few people that let Wind be the kid that he is so why not return the favor? Though Reader is older surely they want times where they can have their inner child come out. That's what Wind can do and nobody else can.

And should any of the adults notice and try to protest (cause theyd probably get a bit jealous) all Wind has to do is go "And whats so important that I cant do this one little game with Reader?" knowing the answer will be extremely vague if whoever protests can even think of an answer.

Long story short: Wind is just as sneaky as the other members of the chain and will use the fact that he's a cute kid to his advantage.

THANK YOU FOR FEEDING US ANON

The Wind people are starving on this blog and I'm a little sorry. idk I just love platonic! Yandere! Wind sm and yet I still neglect him <3

Wind can get away with a lot more than the chain can bc Reader probably doesn't see him as part of the chain cult at first. And he's taking full advantage of it. while he is a kid, he isn't stupid. He doesn't know what goes on behind closed door, but it's probably less because he's blind to it and more because he doesn't wanna know. As long as he's getting his share of attention, who cares.

And he's using his age to get it. They can have the romantic affections, he doesn't care, but he's sure as shit using his status as the youngest to take Reader's time.

Oh the adults are fighting? That's cute. Wind already has a whole fort built and the only one allowed is Reader. Sucks for them. Wind for sure sleeps in Reader's lap just to piss off the others. And bc its comfy <3.

Oh, they wanna room with Reader? Reader doesn't need a room if they're outside, sleeping under the stars with Wind!

Idk if I mentioned this here or in my personal writing and I've finally gone delulu, but Wind is an older sibling. And, as an older sibling myself (Eldest daughter syndrome lets goo), to some extent your parents relied/ rely on you. I was my parents trial baby (my parents were teen parents if that clarifies). We learned and grew together. So Wind probably had to learn and grow with Aryll. He had to care for her when Granny could now. He grew up much too fast as both a sibling and when he was made into a hero. So when Reader lets him be the younger one?

He's clawing at the chance. Especially if it means taking away time from the others for time with him.

WIND CALLING THEM OUT AS HE SHOULD- And Reader just going like "No wait, he has a point." And none of the others would dare speak up against Reader

Wind being a chaos gremlin to get what he wants will forever live rent free in my head fofbfbn

[jemmo]

today on everything i love and that is perfect about utsukushii kare (bc i just binged rewatched both seasons), i find it so fantastic and perfect how they, not even advertently, show how hira and kiyoi grow out of their high school personas, bc that is so a thing that happens and is something i find hardly any media really navigates as well as i see it here. high school is very much a rigid place, and in it you play your part; the popular kid, the class clown, the nerd and so on, but outside of high school, after high school, when you grow up and enter the wider role, there aren’t those roles to fulfil. you have to be you, and to do that, you have to figure out who that ‘you’ is, whether thats something you’ve always known or had inside and just kept buried or hidden, or thats something you’ve yet to discover and have to find, and then go on to actually be that, and shed all of that behaviour you learned or picked up or hid behind in high school. 

idk if this is a universal thing, but it is something that especially speaks to me, being more of the hira, the loner, unpopular, shy kid. that role offers a lot of safety in high school, which is weird to say bc its not a place you aspire to be nor is it particularly enjoyable, but in a way it spares you of further ridicule. if you just fill that role and don’t do anything that acts outside of it, you can get by just fine, then high school is done and you move on. thats what utsukushii kare shows so well. the way hira is treated in high school is never really that outright bullying you stereotypically think of, which i love bc thats not really what high school is actually like. really, it is more of what you see in the show. this lower level stuff that you kind of just go along with even if it is objectively mean. the name calling is not loud insults, its those pet nicknames that follow you and remind you of the things you dont like about yourself, the things you’re embarrassed about. its the established hierarchy that you are at the bottom of that signals to you everyday that you are less important than everyone else. and hira goes along with it partly bc of kiyoi but also bc its safe and, dare i say, comfortable, bc hira has not just not known different, but doesnt wish to either, which is how he settles into his dynamic with kiyoi. 

on the other hand, kiyoi’s place as the popular kid is something he is more visibly uncomfortable with, at least to me, and you see it even before you learn about what his real dreams and interests are. the way he acts with the people that surround him, he is never exactly like that. his treatment of hira especially is kinder while still hiding behind that film of treating him as the group’s lacky, but when people treat hira unkindly, he steps in, and i like to think this is from a place of him just being a good person and not just a defensiveness of hira bc of however he feels. its weird bc he does want to be admired so his place shouldn’t feel so wrong, but i think its from a place of wanting to be admired for his merit, for who he is, not out of any control or fear. he wants to be level with people when it comes to reality, and praised for the things he can do well, his abilities, not just some abject superiority others think he possesses. and i cant tell you how much i love this character for this whole ‘cool guy who’s expected to be so cool and not care about anything but actually really wants to do well at stuff and has a passion for acting and dancing and performance and just wants to be loved’. like that is one of my favourite character tropes ever and utsukushii kare does it with kiyoi to absolute damn perfection, which is only added to when you think about the queerness underlying it, kiyoi acting as this stereotypical straight popular high school boy who’s too cool for everyone but really not only is he not straight and have these complicated feelings for a boy, but he also loves performance and theatre and i love that those two things aren’t separate and it makes so much sense. there is just this young queer boy who wants to be liked hiding behind this veneer of coolness and popularity and its fabulous. 

so when they do get out of high school, we get to see kiyoi embrace that side of him that he always kept hidden, not just doing what he loves, but actively pursuing it, trying hard, putting in the effort and dedication and i adore that. it lends itself so well to the mantra of ‘trying your best is the coolest thing you can do’ which i wholeheartedly believe. not caring isn’t cool. caring is cool. trying your best is cool. and not only does it make kiyoi more admirable as a character, but it feels like kiyoi is a lot more comfortable and welcoming of the admiration he gets, bc now it feels deserved, and its funny that that manifests through him being humble and playing himself down bc thats the very human thing to do when you’re praised, but it also parallels the way hira downplays and degrades himself which is actually, in a twisted way, him thinking highly of himself, which we see discussed in the last ep of season 2. 

bc when hira leaves high school, he still clings to that role, even though there’s no one around him maintaining it. for him to be lowly, there has to be someone around him thats above him, but there isn’t now, which is why he clings to the dynamic he has with kiyoi above him bc it carries over and maintains his safe space. and what we see in season 2 is kiyoi removing that, asking hira to not raise him up just so he can put himself down, he wants to be level. and with kiyoi trying to take away that safety, that leaves hira having to figure out what his place actually is in the world, a world he’s always removed himself from. that’s why his discussion with noguchi is so important, bc kiyoi has struggled to be direct and put it into words with hira, either bc he struggles to say those things or doesn’t want to be so harsh with hira, but noguchi has no issue with holding back, nor feels any need to be gentle. he tells hira flat out you are selfish and ignorant to a fault and think so highly of yourself that you think you are the only person in this world. and thats what hira needs, a real challenge, someone who sees his mindset and twists it to show all the negatives of it. its never what hira intended, but its the message he sends to others; by belittling yourself, you give other people’s words and thoughts no weight or importance, thinking you know better. by removing people from your photos, by hiding behind the camera, you are not escaping the world, you are saying the world is only for you. there is only one plane to exist on, and by trying to be there alone, you deny everyone else of their existence. the option is not to not participate, its to participate alone. and what i’d hope continues in the story (idk what the movie is about at all) is a journey for hira to find how he can be involved at the same level as everyone else, to step out of the safety of self inflicted isolation and join in, feel comfortable finally taking up space and find who he is outside of high school. 

[triplexdoublex]

the second anyone in est speaks their mind or says anything slightly critical, people are so quick to come back with “you’re not est or a fan bc fans wouldn’t say that” 🙄

the thing that made that interview unbearable to read for me was his negative attitude. I feel for him, I really do. But we have been told the same story for years now. Maybe it’s unbearable for me to read because I want this man to be happy so bad. I want to hear that he’s confident and comfortable. I believe he’s moving in that direction with the upcoming rap album, but is that just the act that he putting on to look the part? It wouldn’t surprise me because he has said he jumps into characters often.

As a fan, it’s just hard to read over and over again how lost he is. I don’t want to see him wallow in this state for any longer. I know there is no magic cure for depression, but when you identify too deeply with it (and dare I say commodity it 😬) it makes it even harder to pull yourself out of.

From the information he give us, it’s safe to say that he is just so deeply unhappy and it’s hard to keep seeing him say these things as a fan, because I do deeply care about him, but apparently, he doesn’t acknowledge the “two shits” that est constantly gives. So what else can I do but feel frustrated.

Of course I’ll continue to support, but maybe I just don’t feel inspired but the art as of late. And I’m completely aware that that’s a me thing.

All venting. No hate. 🖤

I can respect that that explanation much more than how it was worded before. I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes I think for him the hate he gets on the daily unfortunately outweighs the “two shits” that EST gives. He just wants to be loved and accepted, and he never had that growing up. I learned in therapy the other day that it actually takes 10 positive things to outweigh 1 negative thing so I don’t think he’s even breaking even with all the bullshit he’s been going through lately. When you’re as deep in depression as he is it’s hard to dig youself back out and not just completely spiral into negativity. I hope through therapy and better life choices he can climb his way even half way back out

[magical-glimpse]

your readings are so great tbh it’s nice to see people having such a connection with the universe! Do u think you could do an energy check on the members?

Thank you !! You're so nice !! I still have a lot to learn tbh, but im glad you love my readings !

As always,

For entertainment purposes only.

Jin:At the same time, he sees the military as a break from his idol life, but he also want a break from the military lol.A lot of it has got to do with him having to fight his nature.He's naturally a lot more laid back and fun than the circumstances mostly let him be.I think one of his past investments is growing while he isnt there, and the fruits are getting ready for whe he will come back.He is also torn between two options for a choice ( idk what tho).He is feeling out of touch with his purpose while understanding why this had to happen.It is helping him develop another side of himself, and he is learning to balance them.

NJ:He didnt want any cards, but hes saying he is thinking about things deeply.He seemed like i caught him off guard when he was in the middle of a reflection ?You know when people are trying to explain something to you but they are getting caught up in the cobwebs of their thoughts?Yeah, him rn.

Yoongi:OK so Yoongi teased me and dared me to do it with no cards.He said he is feeling quite peaceful and content/satisfied rn.It's the phase where the stage euphoria came down but youre not quite into post show blues yet.Just quiet, happy, calm, tranquil.Moving slowly, relaxed.I saw him going down a slow river sitting on a surfboard with his eyes closed.So yeah, nice.

Hobi:He seemed pretty excited to do the reading but the first card that came out was the Tower ??I think he is going through a very transformative phase but he is also really excited for it. A sense of oh finally.A lot of his fears and deep anxieties are coming down, he is cutting through them with a new sense of rationality and outspokenness(?) He is becoming less afraid of telling his truth and is not letting himself being held back and literally tied down by how other people see him.He is very strssed tho, and is using good old breathing techniques to relax. (Which kinda makes sense bc i feel like since the military his energy has been mostly quiet except for random burst of really wanting to talk, so i guess it is linked to his stress levels ?)

Jimin:I think he might have asked someone out recently and it went very well ?WHAT- PARK JIMIN GO BACK WITH YOUR 18+ STUFF NO-hm hm, so boy is having fun.In general, he is spending time on things and people he love, going out, learning new things, connecting or reconnecting with people, following where his passion and emotions lead him.He is also really enjoying having attention rn.

Tae:A part of him want to keep very private, but hes seeing around.As in learning things, discovering art he didnt know, a little imaginative.He has been hurt by public attention too much and wants to withdraw a little.He doesnt want ARMY to worry though, he just want us to understand he is human, and that would be hard on anyone. JK:Jk felt pumped up and talkative lol.So he learning to let things go and to find his joy in the things he has right now, he is learning to be happy.It is the end of a trial for him.He had many options and he thinks he picked right.It is the end of the phase.The next one might be the one where he meets his twin flame (if you have followed me for a while, you would know he insists on talking about them almost everytime lol).Their psychic link will strengthen like never before.He is in general quite happy with where he got in life and proud of himself for recent lessons he learned and went through

[bakubaji]

threadfic miya twins character study / sakuatsu 6.7k

miya twins angst, hurt/comfort, loneliness, learning about self worth, skts but mostly a miya twin focus

There’s this thing in most SakuAtsu fics that always gets me, but I never feel like it’s gone into enough, and it’s when there’s a fight/miscommunication between the Miya twins. There’s always some angst and then they get into a fist fight and all is well. But 9 times out of 10 what happens is, it seems like Tsumu is being a whiny brat over something small, he brings it up, they fight, and they settle it like ‘Yep, Tsumu’s just dramatic’, and it always feels like the whole thing boils down to Tsumu being unable to move on, Samu being more mature, and Tsumu ends up kind of being comedic relief for getting so worked up. (Also, half the time, it’s Tsumu being worked up because Samu tells everyone something or whatever, and in the end Suna and Samu are like ‘You’re being a brat lol’ and that’s that). And, without fail, it drives me CRAZY bc it always feels like it never addresses the root issue, so it never feels resolved to me.

PSA: I’m not saying this as like, "These are real people- how dare you ignore their feelings!!" but more like, "You're setting up this character with really valid emotions and reactions, and then failing to carry them through and it falls flat. So, here are my thoughts:

The reason Tsumu gets so worked up when it comes to Samu is because Samu is his Most Important Person. Nothing & no one has ever been, or will ever be, more important to him, and he is fully shameless about it.

It's so obvious, even when they bicker. But Samu, from an outside perspective, but also from people who know him, sees Tsumu as his twin, his brother, but not necessarily his Most Important Person or Thing.

Maybe he was when they were younger, but as they grew up, he sort of moved on. Found other things more important and whatever. This is usually where the issue happens: many fics will see the moving on as part of maturing and "resolve" the issue by implying that the solution is that Atsumu needs to move on, and then Omi comes in, etc., etc., everything's good! But that never seems right to me.

I need Samu to be confronted about the fact that Tsumu has always loved him before anything, has always put him first, and yet he, time after time, doesn't do the same.

He tells Suna about quitting volleyball first, he sees Suna more than he sees Tsumu, he doesn't tell him they're dating. And he and Suna- who's known them for a long, long time, who knows how Tsumu is- will regularly poke fun at Tsumu for being dramatic, whiny, overly sensitive, and it hurts Tsumu to know that the two people he's known the longest- including the one person who's supposed to be his other half, who's supposed to always be by his side and always have his back- never try to understand him.

They never seem to care about him as much as they care about each other. And worse than that, they make him feel like something's wrong with him for caring about them the way he does. Like he's too much, too immature, too clingy, and they tease and mock and belittle, knowing exactly where Atsumu's most vulnerable. Crossing all the lines of ‘too far’ and then, instead of apologizing, they laugh it off and tell him to grow up.

And everyone seems to agree.

Just once, JUST ONCE, I want Atsumu to have enough.

I want him to realize that he doesn't deserve that. That nothing's wrong with the way he loves, and the way he needs love.

I want an Atsumu who realizes he's giving himself up over and over just to be ridiculed.

And sure, Samu checks on him when he's sick, and Suna invites him to drink after they play against each other, and eventually they even ask Tsumu to officiate their wedding so they don't have to fight over him, but that's not what Tsumu wanted.

Tsumu wanted to be Samu's best man, the way they'd always planned since they first found out what marriage was. And if, or when, Tsumu ever got married, he'd ask Samu to be his. But it was supposed to go both ways. And Samu was supposed to call when good things happened too (like Suna asking him on a first date, or the loan for the restaurant being approved), or even bad things, not just out of a sense of obligation to make sure Tsumu was okay. And Suna was supposed to invite Tsumu out whenever he was nearby, the way Tsumu did, not just drop a time and place as their teams lined up to shake hands.

Tsumu is always treated like the Least Important Person, and eventually he has to recognize it's not good, it's not fair or healthy or right, and he owes it to himself to stop, because losing his Most Important Person is less painful than what he has right now (at least he hopes). So he starts treating Samu and Suna the way they treat him.

He answers calls (most of the time) but rarely calls first.

He doesn't send pictures of things that remind him of them anymore.

He doesn't send "I miss you" or "Love you" anymore, because they always laugh and brush him off.

He visits the restaurant if the team is in town, but he stops taking the train over on weekends just to say hi

When something big happens, he goes home alone and puts his head between his knees and breathes, because he ‘won't call Samu.’ He won't. Because Samu wouldn't. And it's hard. God, it's so, so hard, and it hurts more than he'd thought. They'd say he was being dramatic, they'd tell him to grow up, get over it. But the way neither of them even seem to notice makes him realize it was the right thing to do.

It's also hard because now Tsumu struggles a bit (a lot) to let people in. Maybe it's not that deep, maybe it's not that big a deal, but if his twin thought he was too much, didn't even care all that much about him in the end, despite the fact that Tsumu would do anything in the world for him, then who the hell would do otherwise? His twin brother and their oldest friend didn't stick around, so Tsumu doesn't really believe anyone actually will.

He becomes closer with his teammates, slowly: Bokuto loves a lot like him- giving all of himself to everyone he cares for- and even with a boyfriend, he still makes so much time for Atsumu, still meets him where he's at, treats him how Tsumu always wanted someone to. Shoyo and Omi become good friends too, through trial and error. Shouyou is easier: Tsumu knows not to expect the same kind of attentiveness from him- he's kind of flighty and distractible, which isn't bad at all. He's so genuine and good regardless.

Omi takes longer, given their sort of warring personalities, but in the end he sees Atsumu as he is, and never asks him to change. He never asks more (or less) from him. Never makes Tsumu feel like he's wrong. In his own ways, Omi pours himself into their friendship wholeheartedly, and the same way he recognizes Atsumu's ways of showing it, Tsumu sees that Omi is doing the same. For once, Tsumu doesn't feel like his care is unwanted.

But even so, new friends (or maybe more?) can only do so much. It's harder and harder to admit it now that he's proven to himself that he wasn't the one in the wrong, but he misses his brother, misses his oldest friend, and he knows they don't miss him. And it's embarrassing, it's shameful, to know that, despite everything, he would still do anything for them because that's just who he is, who he's always been. No matter what, Samu will still be his Most Important Person, and Tsumu can't do anything about it.

They still see each other, sometimes, and Tsumu breathes in each moment like he's been starved for air. He tries not to let it show, just how much he misses them, how happy he is to see them, even if it's not the same. Hell, they're probably happier to see him now than ever before, mentioning how much he's grown up lately, how much better he's doing now that he's not so dependent on them, on Samu. And it hurts infinitely more to hear, to know that they prefer this censored version of him to the real one. The one who was unashamed of how much he loved them, how much they meant to him.

It takes a while for him to heal from that, actually. His new friends help. Omi helps a lot. Bo helps the most- he's the first person Tsumu ever tells about it all, and he's the only one who he trusts to understand. Even then, there's no one who can really share the feeling. Even Bokuto can only speak about friends, his two sisters much older. It's different from a twin, and he knows that. So, to an extent, he has to go it alone.

That's the worst part. Tsumu always believed that being born a twin meant you were never supposed to be alone, not truly. How could you be born part of a perfect matching set only to end up on your own? It felt wrong, it always had. That was why Samu had always been the world to him. For Tsumu, being Samu's brother was as intrinsically part of him as his hands, his eyes, his legs; there was no way to remove that part of himself, not without far too much pain. So he remained Samu's brother, even if it was only in his heart, buried deep so it couldn't be used against him. It was a secret treasure just for him, one that hurt to hold onto, but would hurt much more to lose.

Everything kind of goes to shit eventually, when after a year or two, Omi proposes after they win the Olympics. It was on international television. It made headlines. The sports channel and gossip rags were talking about the same thing for once.

And then Osamu called.

Tsumu almost didn't answer.

He was so happy and he wanted to share it with Samu, but he wanted to hoard it to himself more. But Omi left him alone with a look that said 'answer it,' so he did.

It was silent on the line when he answered, and Tsumu didn't say anything to break it. It was Samu who spoke first.

"Yer gettin' married?"

It took a moment to respond. Samu's voice took him by surprise, how quiet and shaky it was. "Yeah," he said. "Eventually."

"I didn't know the two of ya were together."

Tsumu could've laughed at the irony of it if it didn't sting to hear.

"Never came up, I guess."

"I- Yeah. Guess not. Not much does, these days, it seems."

Atsumu pressed a hand to his mouth and stared at the door Omi had left through, pushing down the urge to scream or maybe cry. It had been two or so years since he'd left, and Samu had never even noticed the difference until now.

"What happened?" Samu asked, voice shaking that way it did when he refused to cry. "What happened to us, Tsumu?"

Atsumu took a deep breath, letting it out with a sigh. "Samu, if you don't know, it's not gonna matter."

He wasn't trying to be obtuse. He didn't want to guilt Samu into anything. But if Samu couldn't tell that he'd caused this, that he'd always been the one to push that distance further and further... If he couldn't see that much, Tsumu didn't know if he could fix it.

He couldn't do it on his own. He couldn't put himself through that again, not after he'd put this much work in to help himself.

"I don't- I don't know. I don't know why ya wouldn't tell me. I thought we told each other things like this."

Tsumu's laugh was harsh. "Ya can't be serious."

"What’d'ya mean? I'm dead serious, Tsumu."

"After Suna? Ya think ya have any right to say that?"

"What-I- that was different, Tsum. Ya found out eventually, and not because I got proposed to on live television."

"'Cause it was so much better walkin' in on the two of ya fuckin' after ya told me ya couldn't come visit 'cause ya got caught up at work!"

"And I told ya I was sorry! I didn't think ya were gonna come over, ya lived two cities away!"

"And I wanted to see ya!" Atsumu yelled. "I wanted to see my brother, was that so bad?!"

Of course that wouldn't have occurred to Samu, Tsumu thought, because he wouldn't have done the same. Samu only came when Tsumu invited him. At the very least he'd call ahead. He never surprised him. He didn't go out of his way because he wanted to see Tsumu.

"It doesn't matter," Atsumu said, sucking in a deep breath. "I already told ya. Look I- I don't wanna do this. At all. Right now. I just- I just got engaged, Samu. I just won the Olympics. You've had forever to do this, why'd'ya hafta do it now?"

Samu was silent for a long time. "Is it so bad? Did I do somethin' so bad to ya?"

"Samu, please, not- not now."

"Ya can't even tell me? I'm your brother, Tsumu, we can't just-"

"Brothers?” Atsumu laughed. It came out like a sob. "Samu, when was the last time you acted like a brother to me?"

"I- what?"

"Samu, when- God, I don't wanna do this right now. Fuck." He wished he could go back just five minutes and not answer the call. Hold onto Omi instead.

"Do ya even know when I realized ya were tearin' me apart?" Atsumu asked, throwing an arm over his face. "It's been two years now, and ya just now noticed. You and Rin just- the two of ya- ya don't even know how much ya hurt me. Ya didn't even care."

"H-hurt ya? Tsumu, what're ya talkin' about? What's Rin gotta do with this?"

"Look, I don't- I just- do we hafta do this now?"

"Yes we hafta do it now!" Samu spit. "What the hell are you talkin' about?"

"God, I just- fuck, Samu, I couldn't stand it anymore! You know I love ya more than anythin'. Do you know how it was for me? Always 'Tsumu's too much', 'Tsumu's being dramatic', 'Tsumu's too clingy'. I just cared about ya! But it was too much for ya. Both of ya. I thought, for so long, that somethin' was wrong with me. I thought 'even my own brother thinks it's too much, the way I love people'. Do you know how long it took for me to realize it was okay? That there wasn't somethin' wrong with me?

"Everythin' I did, everythin' I am was too much for ya. Too much for Rin. And ya couldn't even just- just pretend, or even tolerate it. Ya made- ya made me feel so bad. All the time. And ya never once- never made me feel like ya gave a shit about me.

"Yer my twin, that- to me, that means everythin', Samu. It means everythin' to me. You mean everythin' to me, and it- it hurts so bad, knowin' ya don't care, knowing I'm not the person you wanna tell things to, the person that ya rely on. God, to you I'm just- what? A burden? Just the person ya ended up stuck with? Did ya ever want me around or was I just there?

"‘Cause I always wanted you around. I wanna tell ya everythin', good or bad, big or small. Yer the one I've always- always relied on. I always told ya everythin'. And ya know what you did? Ya went and told Rin. Anythin' I told ya, secret or not, ya went and told Rin. And when you had somethin' to share, who did ya go to? Rin. Always Rin, never me. "Ya never cared that some things I only wanted you to know. Ya never cared that I wanted to be there to cheer you on or support ya. Ya never- I was never important to ya, not like you are to me. And that's- there's nothin' I can do about that, but I couldn't keep puttin' myself through it. So ya don't get to call after all this time and say I owe ya anythin' because we're 'brothers’. Ya lost that right, Samu."

Tsumu broke off, only vaguely realizing he'd ended up yelling. He was breathing heavy, eyes stinging, throat tight. This wasn't how he'd wanted his night to go. He should've been spending time with Omi, thinking about a ring since Omi had proposed with a medal.

He could hear Samu breathing over the phone, ragged and uneven, hitching with nearly silent sobs.

"D'ya see, Samu?" Atsumu whispered. "It's not- I can't fix this. I spent- I spent so long chasin' you. So long pretendin'. I won't do that to myself again, Samu. It hurt too much."

"I didn't-" Samu sounded broken. "I didn't know. I didn't mean to-"

"I know," Tsumu interrupted. "I know ya didn't, but that doesn't mean anythin' to me. I never wanted ya to treat me one way out of pity or guilt. I wanted it because yer my brother, and if ya- if ya cared about me like how I care about you, it wouldn't... It doesn't matter now.

"Look, Samu... I'm not mad at ya. Not anymore. And I still love ya more than anythin', that'll never change. But I got engaged tonight. I won the Olympics. And I don't wanna hurt right now. I just wanna be happy for a night, Samu. Can I have that much from ya, at least?"

Tsumu waited until Samu choked out a fragile ‘yes’, and then hung up and tossed his phone away. That was not what he'd envisioned for tonight. He felt simultaneously drained and like he might burst at the seams.

It took a while for Omi to come back, but when he did, he found Tsumu with his head between his knees, breathless and shaking as he cried.

Omi didn't ask him about anything, he just wrapped him up in his arms and told him he'd done well, and he was proud of him. It didn't ease the pain, but it helped some.

It helped because, even after everything, it was hard for Tsumu to not feel like he'd overreacted.

In his mind, Samu was talking with Suna right now, complaining about how Tsumu always did this, blew up for no reason just to make a fuss. Even after all this time, Atsumu wondered if he was the one in the wrong, the one making a big deal out of nothing, causing Samu problems again.

But Omi was there, holding him, reminding him with his words and his presence that it wasn't Atsumu's fault. That he hadn't done anything wrong by setting his boundaries, by recognizing what his love was worth.

They didn't celebrate that night, or even the next, but eventually they did, and Atsumu was happy even if he'd always pictured that his brother would be there for a moment like this.

Omi asked at one point when Tsumu would want the wedding, but Atsumu just fell silent and Omi understood. Nothing was going to happen yet. Tsumu has given up enough, but he couldn't... he couldn't give that up too. He may not have been Samu's best man, but he still wanted Samu to be his. and that couldn't happen right now, so he couldn't even begin to think about the rest of it. But Omi understood, and he was patient.

Time passed, as it was wont to do, and Tsumu settled again— or at least he would have, but Samu and Suna were acting... weird. It wasn't really anything obvious at first, especially since neither of them ever brought up the phone call, but...

First was Tsumu's mom, who mentioned on their weekly call that Samu had been bothering her like crazy, asking about their high school days and what she remembered about the three of them. Then Kita texted saying ‘Do you know if Osamu is in therapy? it may be a good idea.’ Which in Kita speak meant ‘Your brother's acting weird as fuck, tell him to leave me alone and bother someone who's paid to put up with him.’ Then Samu texted, saying he was going to be in town for a weekend. He'd be really busy, so he was getting a hotel room so he wouldn't disturb Tsumu with his comings and goings, but he had a potential opportunity to open up a new branch and he had to check things out.

“Could we meet?” he'd asked, and Tsumu stared at his phone for a long time, because they'd never been the kind of people who had to ask about things like that. “‘course,” he'd texted, biting his lip. “Lmk when you have time, we'll go out to eat.”

Then Suna called out of the blue after a game that Tsumu had watched on the TV in the living room. "Rin?" Tsumu answered, turning the volume down even though he liked watching post-game commentary. "Ya okay?"

"Did ya watch the game?" Suna asked, no greeting or anything.

"Yeah, just had it on. T'was good."

"It was ratshit," Suna grunted. "They got through half my blocks no problem, and shut me out more than not." Atsumu blinked at the TV screen, playing highlight reels of the game. The game Suna had just called him out of the blue to talk about.

"Wasn't yer best," he admitted slowly, Suna could be a bit prickly about his abilities when he didn't do well. "But ya knew goin' in yer usual tricks wouldn't be the most effective with them. An ace like that is hard to stop, and he happens to be built like a tank. Ya had a lot of good receives in the back row, kept yer team goin'."

Suna hummed, and Tsumu could hear the weary disappointment. "I guess. I just wanted to do better."

"I know ya did." Because Suna always did. Tsumu wondered if maybe Suna had meant to call Samu instead? "But what's done is done, no use workin' yerself up about it. Practice harder, so they can't shut ya out next time."

"I know. I know, yer right, I'm just..."

"I know. You should have Samu make ya some hirata buns. Ya always liked those when we lost."

Suna was quiet for a moment. "Yers are better than yer brother's," he finally grumbled, and Tsumu's cheeks flushed at the unexpected praise. "But yeah. Thanks, Tsum. I gotta go, coach wants to debrief. Thanks for pickin' up.”

Atsumu stared at his phone for a long time after the call ended.

Weird things like that kept happening. Tsumu came home to Omi unboxing a package of individually wrapped onigiri from Samu's shop that he'd found waiting by the door when he got home. Suna kept sending him pictures of the stray cat that kept showing up behind their apartment. Kita texted again asking ‘How have you been, Atsumu?', which made Atsumu's lip start wobbling and Omi called him a crybaby. Even Bo asked him at practice if something had happened with Samu, because apparently Akaashi had gone in to eat and kept having to text Bo questions because Samu kept hounding him about Tsumu; how he was? Was he doing well in practice? Did he have good friends on the team? Was Omi good to him?

Eventually, Samu was in town, and they met up to eat at a Chinese hot pot place between Tsumu's home and Samu's hotel. It was their first time seeing each other in person since before the phone call, and Tsumu was nervous. He'd thought about inviting Omi with him, but Omi had straight up refused. "Call me if you need me," he'd said, with a voice that said he'd be there in a heartbeat, but he told Atsumu this was something he probably had to do on his own. And Samu hadn't brought Suna, which was rare even when Suna was in season, so Tsumu agreed to return the courtesy. Just them, then. Tsumu and Samu, Samu and Tsumu. What a ridiculous thing to be scared of.

In the end, though it was just the two of them, they got enough food for four. it was almost distracting enough to drown out the inescapable awkwardness between them. Almost.

Atsumu didn't want to bring anything up, not when they were having an almost normal meal again, so he let Samu guide the conversation.

Samu told him about the property he'd gone to visit here in the city, a small restaurant that had been a ramen shop before it shut down. Tsumu looked at the pictures he was shown and agreed that it looked like a good place, though Samu would need a refrigerated display. Samu told him that their ma was trying to grow radishes in her window boxes, and Tsumu laughed and pretended that was the first he'd heard of it. Samu explained, staring fixedly at the vegetables floating in the spicy broth, that Suna thought it was best he didn't come this time, so it didn't feel like the two of them were ganging up on Tsumu again when they apologized, and Tsumu-

Tsumu blinked.

"If we came to ya, both of us at once, wouldn't it still feel like it was us versus you?" Samu asked quietly. "I didn't- I didn't tell him everythin' you told me, I swear, but he's always been smarter than us, he put it together since... with everythin' you said the last time, I didn't wanna seem like we were just apologizin' to get over it, ya know? And we thought, maybe, showin' up together might not be the best way to show we heard ya and everythin'."

Tsumu blinked at Samu, who blinked at the sweet potato that bobbed to the surface of the boiling soup.

"Look, Tsumu," Samu said, "I don't know when... when I started treatin' ya so bad. I don't know, and I don't know how I never noticed, or how I never saw when you… when you had enough of it. I never wanted to push ya like that. I never wanted to hurt ya. I know it's too late to say stuff like that, and I know it doesn't really matter, not when it can't change anythin', but it's true. And I'm sorry we made it impossible for you to talk to us. I know you tried to, and we just- just laughed it off. That was... fuck. I'm sorry, Tsumu. I really, really am. And ya don't hafta forgive me for it, not now, or- or ever, if ya don't want to. What we did, what I did- it wasn't fair to you. And more than that, I never should've... yer my brother, Tsumu. I should've been there for ya, I should've been the one you could come to when ya felt like shit or wanted to cry about somethin'. I should've been the person you could tell about yer first day in the big leagues, or yer new friends, or, or gettin' engaged. And- and ya still told me about so much of it, even when I-" he broke off with a frustrated sound. Samu had never been good at talking.

"I betrayed yer trust in me," Samu forced out. "And did it over and over, even when ya kept givin' me more chances." Samu took a deep breath, and he finally looked up to meet Tsumu's eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't keep yer secrets. I'm sorry I didn't listen when you needed me to. I'm sorry I ever made ya feel like you were wrong for trustin' me, for believin' that you deserved someone to be there for ya. You do, Tsumu. You always did, and I'm sorry it wasn't me.

“Most of all," he took a deep breath and started again. "Most of all, I'm sorry I made ya feel like you weren't a brother to me.

"We've always been more different that people think, but I still should've met ya halfway instead of makin' you cover the distance alone every time. I should've known how you are and what you need, the way you always have for me. And Rin- I'm not gonna apologize for him, he'll do that himself, but you always took care of him too. The three of us... we should've all looked out for each other, but you took care of all of us, and Rin and I just- we just looked out for ourselves. I'm sorry, Tsumu. And ya don't hafta let me, but I wanna make it up to ya. I wanna be- I wanna be brothers again, how we used to be. And i'll do the work, i'll go the whole distance, i'll do whatever ya need. You won't be alone in it anymore, I promise ya.

"I just want my big brother back, Tsumu. I miss ya, and I can't do all this without ya."

Atsumu met Samu's gaze, shell shocked at the sudden apology, and neither of them spoke for a long moment. Then suddenly, they both sniffed and tore their eyes away-the kind of in sync move that used to get them "There it is! Twin telepathy!" when they were young.

"Fuck, now I'm cryin' into the soup," Samu grumbled under his breath, wiping at his face roughly with the back of his wrist. "Why'd we hafta do this right now?"

"Hah?! Yer the one who brought it up, what do you mean we?!" Tsumu cried out, wiping his own face with a handful of paper napkins. "This is yer fault, not mine!"

"It's not my fault I had to apologize!" Samu retorted on instinct, and both of them paused. Tsumu sent him a thoroughly unimpressed glare- as much of a glare as he could manage when his eyes wouldn't stop watering.

"Say that again, slowly," Tsumu invited. "Yeah, yeah, I heard it as soon as I said it," Samu grunted, face pink. "Are we gonna keep talkin' about it or can we eat?"

"Well for one, I don't think yer in a place to be makin' demands right now," Tsumu said with as haughty a sniffle as he could manage. “And for two, I get hungry when I cry so food now, talk later."

"I know ya do, that's why I asked in the first place," Samu grumbled, but he swiped a piece of Tsumu's lamb and swished it around in the mala broth, just how Tsumu liked it, before reaching across the table and dropping it in Tsumu's dipping sauce.

It was hardly anything really, but Tsumu stared at it for a while. there were some things, he supposed, that Samu had noticed about him. Had remembered through the years. It didn't absolve him of his wrongs, it didn't fix things, but... it was nice to know, anyway. Tsumu wondered if Samu thought of him when he went out to eat with Suna, the way Tsumu always did; scanning the menu briefly to figure out what his brother would order if he was there.

Did Samu think about him when the first fireflies of the season began to appear, the ones they used to chase around with a glass jar in late summer?

Did he think of him, like Tsumu did, when that song came on the radio- the one their ma would sing out loud while she cleaned the kitchen, Tsumu and Samu watching cartoons in the next room?

Did he think of him, sometimes, when he woke up and there wasn't someone there? A matching set that had climbed under the covers with him when the thunder got too loud?

Even after all this time, so much of Tsumu's world was built by Samu. the smell of fireworks and takoyaki during matsuris, the sailor moon theme song they performed for their grandparents when they were six, the scar on his big toe where Samu nearly bit it off as a baby.

It was impossible to go a day without thinking about him, even if he tried. Samu was ingrained in his very being, always had been. Was he the same to him, tattooed on his soul from start to finish?

They ate in relative silence: Samu bracing himself for what would come next, Tsumu trying. his best to just make sense of things. A long time ago he'd posted on one of those advice forums, hurt and confused and searching for answers. They had come, mostly in the form of "Family or not, a relationship like that is more harm than good. Cut ties, put yourself first!", and some half dozen variations just like it. Tsumu had gotten sick thinking about it. He hadn't deleted the post because it was against the forum rules to delete once people had answered, but he made sure to reply to everyone. ‘You don't know what you're talking about. He's my twin brother.’

Dinner was long, though not as long as it could have been if they'd talked, but Tsumu still didn't really know what to say as they left. He wanted to say something like "It's alright, I forgive you, let's go back to how we were before" but he honestly couldn't really remember- couldn't remember when "before" was. It was hard, actually, to remember the last time Samu hadn't... hadn't scared him, at least a little.

When Tsumu went running up to him with something to say, or when he found himself crying after a bad game, or when he wanted attention just because- he couldn't remember the last time he hadn't gone expecting a weary sigh, an eye roll, a derisive laugh.

So he couldn't say it was okay. But he had a chance to have his brother back, and even if it was a bad decision, even if it meant he was the vulnerable one once again... for Samu, he would do it. He would do it again, with his trust and his hope on full display.

But this time- this time, Samu needed to do it too. Belly up and helpless, knowing the costs of failure. Tsumu wouldn't be the only one, not this time.

"I'll let ya," he finally said, the two of them frozen under some streetlight, hands shoved in their pockets to protect them from showing too much. "You and Rin, if he wants to. I'll let ya make it up to me. I want ya to, Samu, and I mean that. I don't want- this isn't some power play, alright? I'm not tryin' to guilt trip you into doin' whatever I want until I decide yer forgiven. you know I'd do anythin' for ya, even now. So, don't do this ‘cause ya want somethin' from me. I want ya to do this because you miss me too. I want-" it was hard to ask for what he wanted. "I want ya to treat me well, Samu. I want ya to treat me like someone ya want to be around, someone ya actually- actually love. Not someone ya just got stuck with.”

He took a deep breath. "We've always been brothers because that's how we were born. But I choose to be yer brother every day, Samu. I don't regret it, and I'll do it every day until I die. But you have to make that choice now. You have to prove ya want this, that it- that we, that I, am worth that effort for ya. Got it? Because I've had enough of bein' an afterthought, and I- I know now that I deserve more. So I don't really want yer apologies, to be honest, though I appreciate it nonetheless. If ya wanna make it up to me, I want ya to show up for me. I want ya to care about the things I love, to listen to me when I talk, even if ya think it's just a nod along if I'm mad! I want to know that I can go to ya about anythin'. That ya won't judge me, won't laugh at me or put me down, and I'm not- I'm not askin' ya to treat me like a princess or anythin'. I can take a joke, but ya need to know where the line is. And it won't work if I hafta point it out to ya every time. You need to pay attention. You need to care enough that I don't hafta worry about whether or not I'm linin' up to be laughed at. Understand?"

The worry that he was asking too much, making a fuss over nothing, was still incessant in the back of his mind. But he thought about his friends, about Omi, about the way he'd always shown up for Samu and Suna. If it wasn't too much for them, why would it be too much for him?

It still felt dramatic, a bit excessive, but- Samu was nodding fiercely, a determined frown pulling at his lips. "I'll do it," he said, so sure of himself. "You've always done it for us, haven't ya? If you can do it, I can do it."

Tsumu blinked. Scowled. "This isn't a competition, ya scrub! Take it seriously!"

"I'm dead serious!" Samu huffed. "Besides, what have we ever taken more seriously than a competition? All I'm sayin' is, genetically or whatever, there's no reason you should be all good at something that I can't do. So, if you can do it, I can do it. I will. I'm serious, Tsumu. Not to get anythin', not to prove anythin', just- just because, alright? You deserve it, and I miss ya, and I wanna be- I wanna be someone you trust again. I wanna be good to ya."

And it was just words- it was just promises that might or might not be kept, but it was more than Atsumu had ever expected. He was terrified, sure, but this... this meant the world to him, and he was willing to take the risk.

"Alright, alright. Then, that's it then, yeah? We've aired our grievances-"

"You aired your grievances."

"All that's left is puttin' yer money where yer mouth is. And if this is a competition-"

"It is, at least a little bit."

"Then ya should know the stakes."

Atsumu leveled Samu with a steady look. "It better end in a tie. ‘Cause if I come out on top again, I'm not risking a third chance. If I'm the one giving everything again, I'm not going to give any more.”

"Loud and clear," Samu agreed with a nod.

"And if I win, ya never get to bring up me quittin' volleyball around ma ever again.'' It was such a stupid bet, but Tsumu knew better. Samu put the odds in his favor- everything he did would be for Tsumu's benefit, not his own. If he won, all he would gain was Atsumu.

The way he looked at him now, eyes still a little pink around the edges, shoulders tight in that way they got before a fight... that was enough. Atsumu, for once, would be enough.

"Deal," Tsumu finally said, offering an outstretched pinky. Samu locked it with his own, pressed their thumbs together. "Deal."

Things weren't fixed yet, not by a long shot, but for once, Atsumu felt like things might be okay. Maybe in a year, he could plan a wedding. Have his brother as his best man, and his best friend could wipe his ma's tears when she started crying too hard.

It was far away still, but if there was one thing Tsumu knew better than anything, it was his brother, and the look in Samu's eyes said I'll do whatever it takes. Tsumu knew that look because he wore it the same.

To be brothers again, I'll do whatever it takes.

For the first time in his life, Atsumu entered a competition hoping he would lose.